#But I hope she reaches out again.
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Reuniting with a distorted past.
Extra:(New personality tested gone wrong)
wanted to play with rin living in the aftermath aus aswell and had these drawings laying around to share so yay
Panel 1: Was buried alive.
Comic 1: Who are you supposed to be?
new friends
Comic 2: Misguided protection.
obito still sensing the warning signs of rin losing her temper. anyways they proceeded to be dragged into the ocean by rin like some sea monster
Comic 3: Finding out (Now what will you do?)
obito is harshly brought back from his delusions because now its not just kushina but rin too who he needs to ripped out the tail beast from
#naruto#naruto fanart#kakashi hatake#rin nohara#obito uchiha#naruto sukea#fanart#art#my art#sketch#drawing#digital art#hope i can add something new and if not may i shall add fuel to the fire for rin!! :)#So Rin loses ALL of her memories forever (kinda)#the only thing that remains for sure is the feeling of missing something that she'll never reach it again#she's alone and is left to roam directionless until she meets an elderly civilian that is also alone#she stays with her for a year+ but she passes away. But Rin with her new identity decides to walk forward (with love comes pain#but to love at all was the greatest thing to her.) She cherishes her new memories and won't let it stop her from moving on#inbetween this time frame she meets isobu in her mind after he gains enough form within her (who is also without memories)#Now WAY LATER she meets Sukea who looks like he's about to panic and she tries to help (which uh doesnt work too well)#but then Sukea joins her on her travels (sending minato an letter through his summons of rin being alive and forgetting the mission)#they both wander around (he doesnt know how to bring up their past) but then obito appears (always at the wrong times)#At first glance he's pissed but then realizes that this isnt fake AND its both the worse thing yet best thing to ever happen#Now Rin thinks she made two new friends who give her feelings of warmth but they both also reminded her of something old she thinks#PS Minato and Kushina are freaking out back in the village but can't do anything about it (Obito hasn't acted on his plans yet so yes)
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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That the last thing Logan does is sever Romans ties with Gerri, just to punish his son for going against him and to isolate him from people to support him, just in time for when he needs that support. And what did he do it for? He stabbed her, twisted the knife for what? His dad is dead and the reward promised dead with it
#like when Roman reaches out to her post death but like she’s so mad she walks out#my heart fucking broke#like she’s right to be mad#but I hope they can find each other again#succession#Roman gerri#romangerri#Roman roy#Gerri kellman#logan roy
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if wriothesley doesn't appear in any quest once we get to remuria, what even is the point?
the parallels between wrio and king remus are crystal clear. remus who descended upon meropis (a name very familiar to anyone who knows of the fortress of meropide) in his golden fortuna, the legendary ship of remus that is also called the bringer of civilization and glory (wrio who built a ship to deal with the misfortune upon fontaine) is an example of it.
wrio also has connections to hades with the cerberus motif as guardian of the underworld. it's curious that the tower in remuria is described not only as not built to receive heavenly oracles, serving as a guide to ships traveling between islands, but also as a border of reality and dreams. if this is not necessarily literal but a metaphor or allegory, it could fit very well with the idea of a portal between domains or realms, like life and death.
wriothesley also parallels another character in the genshin universe and that person is arlecchino. they were brought up as orphans, taken in by an institution with corrupted leaders, which they reformed and achieved a leading position of. and funnily enough, she has ties to purgatory (a place for punishment, much like the fortress). as i have said in another post, purgatory has been described by dante as a tower leading to heaven. but we also know that celestia in the genshin world is associated with the demon realm - archons being named after ars goetia, an anonymous grimoire on demonology. although the concepts aren't the same in theory, is it impossible that the game has used elements of both? wriothesley and arlecchino's themes are similar enough to overlap. even though i don't expect wriothesley to be lore revelant anymore, i do think his ties to remuria and his role as someone who punishes others for their sins, much like arlecchino, is very much purposeful.
#another random post because i read the history of the decline and fall of remuria and i keep reaching the same conclusions sghdfasgd#i don't know what to make of it but i feel like i'm so much on the right track for arle's lore but i am probably still missing something#important ahah probably related to the narzissenkreuz ordo and khaenri'ah (and consequently the#hilicurl curse) since arle probably has ties to that era as well. she was probably done experiments on much like caterpillar but i have no#idea my first instinct tells me she's not from khaenri'ah but who knows i'll love to find out#anyway this was a post about wrio but again arlecchino has taken over my mind so it is what it is#i forgot to include in the post but fortuna is not only the goddess of fortune and luck but also the god of fate. wrio who built the boat i#hopes to challenge the fate of fontaine vs pierro saying fate grants favors to no one and implying arlecchino has been able to challenge it#like. lore is so fun!!!!!! i see little dots connecting things but i'm like a 3 year old trying to connect them and failing miserably lol#wriothesley#arlecchino#genshin impact#genshin thoughts
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hmmmm having angsty Lights Out thoughts
#i know when i post about it i usually make it Lighthearted if not outright Memey#but oh boy. this au is dark. like - like beyond the literal meaning#imagine being abandoned by your creators without so much as a warning#one day the lights go out and thats it. no answers. no comfort. no friendly faces or explanation#show's over. curtains closed. doors locked. they're all gone#it's just waiting in a pitch black room because surely the lights will turn back on. the next day will come#but it Won't. the next day won't come. it will never come. your friends won't open their eyes again. it's just you now.#you've always had company - friends and the comfort of feeling Watched Over by something beyond your understanding#but you blinked and its gone now. it's just you. no matter what you try or what you do - its. just. you.#days and weeks and moths and years of silence and a complete lack of color#burning matches down to your fingertips just to remember what shade of yellow your fleece is#its still wrong. firelight stains the color.#slowly forgetting the sound of your friends voices and what their smiles looked like and what the memories you made with them were#what was your best friends favorite joke? what was his hotdog order? how did he laugh? he used to pose for your paintings didnt he?#you can't be sure anymore. maybe the neighborhood was always dead. maybe You're dead. how can you tell?#you don't breathe. they don't either. they used to didn't they? you never did but they used to. ...right? you hope their dreams are sweet#one of your friends starts sleepwalking. you're so happy. she hurts you. you know she didnt mean it. you're scared anyway.#you can only see with one eye now. it feels... Wrong. all of your chalk drawings start coming out wrong too.#you keep missing when you reach for things. just one more thing to adjust to#were the lights ever on? or was that your own dream? you thought that was something you couldnt do.#you also thought the lights always come back. you were wrong about that. what else are you wrong about?#wh lights out au#wailing sobbing screaming etc over lights out wally... this poor little 12 apples dude...#aimlessly wandering through the town... walking through the buildings....#eventually getting so fucking lonely and desperate that you keep your best friend's severed arm for comfort#all you can do is protect your eternally sleeping friends from the Things crawling out of the shadows#mark another tally on the ground for each full circle the town clock's short hand completes#and wait for the day you fall asleep and join your friends dreams. it will happen someday.#you can feel it in the pitch seeping from your eyes and mouth. more with each decade that passes#just a little while longer. some more waiting. just you. in the dark.
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My roommate and I just had this two hour long convo about how everyone else makes it look easy and how we just keep falling behind and are killing ourselves just to catch up and now I feel so much better because I thought I was the only one. I have nothing to say about it I just thought y'all should know.
#madi posting#she said when you're stressed you brain sends out the same neurons it would if you're in pain#which makes sense why i feel like I'm dying all of the time#but all our friends make it look so easy#idk it just makes me want to die like this really isnt easy for me at all#and then i feel bad about not being able to do all the extra stuff they do#because i can barely do what's required of me#ugh sorry for venting on the main it'll probably happen again#i guess the thesis of the blog is that no matter how badly you fail as long as you don't abandon yourself then there's still hope#as long as i don't abandon myself i can succeed#or reach something close idk#what does success even look like??#if being a child was just taking it and taking it and taking it#being an adult is just like getting up getting up and getting up
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oversharing in the tags time :)
#i think it’s time i go back to therapy#i keep having recurring nightmares about my ex best friend#or dreams where she reaches out to me. and explains why she cut me out#backstory. in high school had a lesbian toxic situationship with my#bestie. THEN i had another one. which kinda overlapped? the first one was open but also just messy#anyways. jade and i were like together for a year. then she got a boyfriend one day and i had a breakdown#it happened just after high school and i was sooooo … unwell. wasn’t out to my family felt like i was gonna die etc etc#(this is all pre dnp btw) anyways next year i found dnp. a couple months later she broke up with her bf#and we sorted dated for a while (this whole time we’d been just friends and i was still not really over it but hiding it)#and then she dated ANOTHER guy. they broke up and she had a breakdown and moved 9 hours away. i went#to visit her for a month. we like kinda dated again then and i thought we could make it work. then 2020. no travel#so she started dating a guy. didn’t tell me. even though we spoke every day. she moved in with him#then she breaks up with him mid 2021. i started dating my gf. but Jade was clingy and it was awkward#she started dating a sketchy guy who was homophobic. i went and visited her a few times#start of 2023 she tells me she wants to make more of an effort cause he didn’t like her friends so she cut everyone out. then she ghosted#in feb 2023. we had tickets for#mcr in march. i had to text her cause she’d blocked me on messenger and said im going to the concert whether she’s there or not#she said ‘yeah no worries! you can take someone else in my place too 😎’ she used that fucking emoji#and I haven’t spoken to her since. I think she quit her job . and that guy was not a nice man#so I still worry about her#writing this all down makes me realise she was a bitch and I deserve better#but I just want closure. it isn’t fair she replied so casually to my text when I said ‘you’ve blocked me’#it isn’t fair she HAS MY SIGNED COPY OF DANS BOOK#anyways. I need therapy to get over this#and I haven’t even written about my family issues (im#out and they’re supportive but my god they fucked me#up as a kid)#if you read this hi 👋 hope you are having a lovely day#don’t get in lesbian situationships!!!
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there’s a progression in there, somewhere, of even going from ‘the master might kill me any day now :(‘ to ‘the master is going to kill me :) she’s not going to let someone else do it after all this time’
#i wouldn’t call it hubris exactly. more like this pretty secure surity that that’s how they’re going to die.#and to them that makes sense. they chose this. they keep choosing it after the doctor offers them a way out.#because this is. they understand this. and they feel safe in the reprieve before their death.#how do you control death? choose who kills you. the last defense of a prey animal.#something something dark mirror to clara’s ‘i am owed’ speech for even is if this ever. doesn’t work out the way they thought it would.#clara tried to threaten the doctor so that he’d reverse death for her. even would turn on the master if she tried to spare them.#i am owed better. i am owed the death you promised… i am owed the knowledge that you don’t care enough to save me… you know. something like#that.#even is. kind of. meant to mirror the doctor’s companions at the time. they are a martha who can’t leave him. they are a donna who has to#remember and never speak about everything they know. they are clara if during deep breath clara reached back and truly didn’t expect. truly#hoped. that no one would take her hand. because if they can be certain it will happen they can know never to reach again.#jesus christ. go to therapy boy. you have so many trust issues.#but that’s why they’re Like That with the master because at the end of the day. who is easier to rely on? the guy who comes in to put out#fires but only sometimes. or the guy who. really really fucking likes starting fires.#better to get burned hoping someone is coming or get burned knowing that’s what would happen. and even. chooses the latter.#AND ALL OF THIS. for me to say thats why i cant actually let the master ever kill them.#i think she needs to do something worse to even. i think she needs to abandon them.#and that will either set them free to go have healthy normal relationships or. lets be honest much more likely. completely fucking break#them. which would be fun :) for me.#dw oc
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series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:
#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨#and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate#so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah.#thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou#i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh#compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol#i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help—#so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig#my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa#i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control…#b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you#tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao#so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol#but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato)#so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though#either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane#i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date…#at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration…#…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig.#oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far…#i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience.#help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m.#anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee
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slept maybe 4 or 5 hours this whole ordeal is really burdening me i feel so disheartened 😔
#i still can’t believe 2 grown people would act like this#one of them is even older than me#she always acts so nice towards everyone but talks behind their back#i always knew they didn’t like me much and talked behind my back as well but i never imagined it was to this extent#to go to the boss behind my back…. i’m just baffled#and i need to work from 2pm til 8pm today again#at least they won’t be there but work was already dreadful for me now it’s absolutely unbearable#having to work with people who talk so poorly abt me and are so deceitful just thinking about seeing their faces again makes me sick#a friend told me i should call in sick and i really think that’s what i’ll do next week#like this whole situation is burdening me to the point i can’t sleep this job is draining me both mentally and physically#and if they claim i don’t do anything anyways it shouldn’t make a difference if i’m there right#i know that’s not true and they will be understaffed when i’m not there and it makes me feel a little bad for my other coworkers but i have#to look out for myself and my own wellbeing#idk what i did to deserve all this sometimes it feels like my life is just one punch to the gut after another#i’m not your strongest soldier god…. i can’t do this#cried so much last night hoping i wouldn’t wake up again after finally falling asleep#and here i still am….#sorry for all the negativity to the few people who might actually read my tags but i’m really hanging on by a thread and it feels like it’s#about to break off any minute#also thank you to all the people who’ve reached out me i really appreciate it i’ll try replying soon but today will be another long day so#it may take a while#☁️
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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im not sure what to do with these feelings mainly because they are not novel or fun or interesting to me and my brain wants to try out the strategy of waiting them out and seeing if maybe they vanish. i am sure this has worked out well for every other human on this earth that has tried out this plan
#i am trying to write something about it but everything i write feels not enough and also too naked and bare#i dont want to rehash the boo hoo horrible mommy and it feels like there is something beyond this that my brain is latching onto.#mainly feelings of anguish for what i could not do as an adult re: her#i had hoped that some day i would come to feel able to reach out to her again and that we could come to some sort of peace#instead. no.#and what is that?#what do you do with that?#so many people on this earth do not get their peace but i thought maybe it would come back for me without my having to do anything just#because.#just because.#you know.#this is such a mirror of the way we were separated i just came home one day and was told i wouldn't see her anymore#and now one day i came home and was told she was dead.#FUCK!
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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i don't quite know how to put it into words because i still feel so very small and stupid at times and like i've never really grown up at all and stuck even though i know that's not true and i'm someone i never thought i would ever be but like... being told by someone that i'm their role model or being told by my baby cousin (she's going to college in the fall, where did the time go??) that she chose her major because it was what /i/ did and that she's always admired me growing up, people telling me to my face that they got their bipolar diagnosis and that seeing me live my life the way i do gave them hope like. i. i don't know, i guess on some level i never really let go of that brittle helplessness/hopelessness inside me and honestly i don't think i'm ever worth the praise or the attention or the time or the love or the whatever people give me even now but it's like...maybe my little space here on this blog or in the world or even just traipsing through my usual haunts are worth it if it means that i'm of some service, that i can see some spark of recognition in someone's eyes. it's the feeling of a hand against mine in the dark when for so long all i felt was nothing but air. or whatever you know.
#idk. just ruminating after my last manic/depressive episode earlier lol.#i feel more stable and grounded than i have in months which is nice and i'll hold on to it for as long as i can but there's just...#something about people wanting to be like you when you never wanted to be you and when you wanted to be anyone else but you.#like. why would you want that? why would you want to fashion yourself after me? but i did that myself. i built myself up little by little#and even when im worn down it's easier going to rebuild time and time again. maybe that's all we can do for each other here where we#are. let's continue to reach out and hold each other tight. love you guys. thank you for always listening to me. i hope i'm just as good a#listener back. 💌🫶#on another note my role model has always been my halmoni bc she's scary as hell and she's the strongest person i know lol
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The way Merlin is a tragedy disguised as a comedy
#bbc merlin#me 10 years ago: hey let's start this funny show!! surely it won't damage me beyond repair#the thing is. you have hope. the whole goddamn show there is hope.#it starts as being light and hilarious then it gets more and more tragic but there's still hilarious moments and there's still hope#especially after uther dies#you think that maybe things will get better. but no. they get arguably worse.#the lies stack up one after another & in the end the promise made at the start - that arthur will return magic to camelot - is a lie too#i think#it's literally been 10 years since I've seen merlin so maybe i remember things wrongly#i wanted to rewatch it recently but i couldn't#i couldn't watch it again knowing how terrible it all turns out#i support women being evil but morgana becoming the evil sorceress just broke my fucking heart and i can't go through it again#she was betrayed in so many ways and it WOULD HAVE BEEN SO EASY TO REACH OUT TO HER#SHE REALLY WANTED SOMEONE TO REACH OUT TO HER#and when nobody did except the druids and then the druids were killed she was like fuck all of you#and rightfully so#but it still fucking breaks my heart#not to mention the whole... merlin. yea not to mention merlin#you watch this show and you look at the characters becoming better for a short while#and then it's a shitshow in all of them becoming so much worse#except gwen <3
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its so late but im like. ive been thinking for Three Days Straight about how much i love mileena lmao like okay. okay. she's a fucking construct basically made to be kitana's 'better' replacement & Made To Order to suit her father's purposes, except she's kinda put in this weird position where despite being told she's the rightful heir etc etc, she's also constantly reminded of the fact that she's not the original, that she's a clone at Best. & her tarkatan side is so very off-putting to people around her, she's feared and that gains her some respect but also she's never actually been loved, so there's something she's missing out on and i think honestly on a very deep subconscious level, that's exactly the type of connection she's craving. i don't even know if she would organically want to be khan, or if she just had it drilled into her that it was 1. the only path for her to take and 2. the only way she would ever find any sort of acceptance from anyone, even it was was forced.
i think there's a part of her that really does want a real connection with her sister but because she has no real way of knowing how to build that (not like kitana is interested in the first place lmao) it just manifests in hostility. idk maybe it's just projecting but i read a lot of her lashing out & anger as a cover for a deeper hurt & feeling of isolation. it's very clear that no one is really accepting her for Her nor are they interested in doing so, and i have to believe it's affected her emotional development. i could also just be reading too much into her teddy bear tea party, but there was something i found to be really just... sad almost? about the jade and kitana bears. like yes it's silly or whatever but c'mon. i think it's very much implied that there's some jealousy towards their friendship, and i think that there was a time she would have loved to be included in it but just couldn't break in. i maintain she doesn't actually hate kitana & what we see is a mixture of shao khan's influence + repeated rejection.
i'm not saying that love can 'fix' her or whatever, but i think a genuine friend who was in her corner and just wanted to be around her without fear-based coercion would make a huge impact in her life.
#i rly do love mileena#like i said this may just be projecting#but man i am Too familiar with what it feels like to be labelled as 'wrong' for just existing when you're young#and learning how to interact with peers#just wanting to reach out and make friends like you see everyone else doing but you just Can't#and over time that sadness leads to bitterness which makes you even less palatable to them than before#except now people have a concrete reason to dislike you#so it cycles#:(#i hope we see mileena again in mk12 and i hope she gets at least one friend#probably will not but fdgfhgjhj#like babygirl i will sit down with you and your bears itll be Great fdghj#if i think too long abt mileena calling kitana sister over and over again and being told she's nothing more than an abomination#i Will cry okay#mileena#mortal kombat
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