#But I don't think they are that mean. At least that's how they developed from their initial ideas

[inkskinned]

lately i've been a feminist killjoy.

2. i pirate all my media, and therefore am not familiar with most tv commercials. i went to a superbowl party. around me were appetizers and bean dip and wine and the rolling movement of people talking - and meanwhile i was sitting there, stonefaced and bonechilled. the extraordinary, willful, in-your-face sexism and racism of advertising. what an odd whiplash: the warm and smiling hosts handing me nachos - in the background, some casual repetition of conservative gender roles. more than once i had to turn to my girlfriend - are you seeing this?

3. often i think of how rainbow capitalism is a canary in a coal mine. i think of what one google employee said when they took down their "don't be evil sign" - he mentioned that while it hadn't really done anything, the removal of it was... eerie. it isn't that i needed pride-themed fast fashion items from target. it's that the pushback to said items has now resulted in the company's looming silence. it's that the pushback worked. target is now among the list of companies aiming to "roll back" DEI initiatives. a false friend, i guess - but a bellwether nonetheless.

4. i remember five, ten years ago rolling my eyes at the faux-feminist faux-activist stuff advertisements would put out. i mean, who can forget that pepsi ad, oh my god. i remember girlboss anthems and lukewarm representation. but it did seem like someone was, you know, trying to be thoughtful. but if we follow the money, i think it's fair to say it used to be a good idea to at least appear "politically correct." now though - who cares? look at the man we chose for politics.

5. i am working my girlfriend through her first watch of FMA: Brotherhood. it should be a sweet deal, and instead, i oscillate from peaceful to pacing. the ads drive me insane. i've been counting - at least three involve a man silencing a woman in some way. two involve a white man silencing a woman of color. in my least favorite, she's sitting at her desk, trying to say the same thing he's saying. but he keeps fucking interrupting her. ha ha. don't even ask me what the ad is even for. i don't understand the plot of the thing. i think the whole idea is just "man talks over a woman. buy our product" but with like, somehow worse pacing.

6. on national tv, in front of millions of viewers, kanye posts an ad for his website that is selling a single white T shirt, a product titled HH. a swastika is emblazoned on it. people can't even talk about how fucking terrible that is - their videos get flagged as soon as they actually say what's happening. i am sitting at home staring at my stupid phone, just quietly stunned. we can make a rapist president, but we cannot say the word rape on most social media platforms. elon can nazi salute on television without consequence, but you can't use the word "female" in your research grant request without being flagged. the enormity of it all is impossible to grasp.

7. there's a company called "his", which sells things for erectile dysfunction. the ads are trucks and masculinity and very gender affirming. the same company has a "hers" line, which is a barely-tested weight-loss injection developed and sold by recently-rebranded absolutely evil company Eli Lilly. in the ad, women who are "overweight" grapple with their barely-visible stomach and smile, beautifully at peace while delivering their own "treatment."

8. i read a lot, though. i spend a lot of time online. someone recently said i write almost exclusively from a place of panic, which they didn't like. it made me laugh though - can any artist say differently right now? still. still! i sat on that couch and watched how casually bigotry is repeated, with no real audience reaction. am i just radicalized and unfortunately very easily annoyed? am i the problem here? can't i just like, relax and let it happen?

9. we stand in line at the movie theatre. i make some snide remark about how the poster we're looking at is basically "sexy trophy smiles knowingly at our hero, nerdy boy". from behind me, some guy snorts down his nose. feminist killjoy.

10. the thing is. i don't want to be like this. it's just like. in my fucking home.

[midnight--sadness]

i know u guys love inho but gihun isn't and will never be at his level.

inho willingly let hundreds of people die every year in a competition. he called the players trash, he has no regard for their well-being and he doesn't believe they are worth anything and that he is doing everyone a favor by eliminating them from society.

he lets his guard remove organs off the almost-dead players so they can be sold. he turns a blind eye to his guards raping dead female players, actually saying that they can do whatever they want with the organs and not even considering the players as anything more than unwilling donors.

inho shot his own brother. he felt remorse, yes, but he knew who junho was. he did not need to lead the guards right to him. yes, he hired captain park to rescue junho but i think we underplay how traumatic it must have been for junho to get shot by his own brother.

inho manipulated gihun just to hurt him even more, he wants to break down gihun down and bring him to his level so he can prove to himself that what he became was inevitable. that anyone who won the games becomes jaded and ruthless and uncaring.

in his mind, gihun mainting his faith in humankind, his kind heart, his belief that people are intrinsically good, is at odds with what he went through because inho himself lost that part of his personality. he will never be the man he was before, the man who had a family whom he loved and a respected job.

i'm not saying he's the devil. he's a victim of the games as well, obvious, but he is a classic story of the abused becoming the abuser. i would say he's a cautionary tale, even, a warning sign that this is what happens when the rich prey on the poor. (i see people refer to the guards as class traitors, but i can see inho as one as well. he won the prize money and believed himself to be above all those who played despite having been in their shoes.)

he has positive traits of course. for as much as he wants to break gihun down, during the games he was rooting for him. a small, hidden away part of him wants to believe that people are worth saving, that gihun's idealistic view of the world is valid and a correct way of living. but i'm also sure he's seen a lot of terrible things, both as front man of the game and as a police officer to dissuade him from that idea.

he wants gihun to be right, i think, because then it means that he can still be saved.

gihun is not like this. when faced with the choice of killing sangwoo or letting him be killed by a guard, gihun chose a third option. he chose for them both to leave without the money, because them being together was more important than the prize.

yes, gihun has done bad things. his ptsd from the strike and witnessing his friend's death caused him to develop a gamblig addiction and he was unemplyed for years; although, not that many since he had been working as a chauffer for five years and he had a chicken shop for two years before the time of s1.

he stole money from his mother and canceled her health insurance to support his addiction, he stayed out late drinking with his friends, both of which led to his divorce.

even when gihun was making plans to revolt, i don't think he was planning to sacrifice people outright. we can see his face as they die that he feels each of their deaths like they are his best friend. he feels guilty for doing this but he doesn't believe he has a choice. the Os were going to kill them either way and gihun was running out of time. waiting for the next vote would mean that their numbers would be obliterated and they would all die.

now, i'm the first to say that gihun's plan didn't make a lot of sense. but the truth is that they got very close. if it weren't for inho's treachery they could maybe have gotten to the control room or at least to a phone. gihun would call for junho's help and the mercenary team would arrive at the island. it's not a solid plan by any means but they didn't exactly have a lot of options.

he's not a saint. but he tries. he tries to be a better person, tries to see the good in others.

and that's more than inho has done since winning the games.

(disclaimer: i love inho's character! but whitewashing him is such a diservice. he's complex and morally gray and he's done horrible things. he doesn't need to be a uwu goody two shoes never hurt a fly type of character to be liked! u can love him and still think he's kind of a bad person! they aren't mutually exclusive.)

[orionhelluvaranting]

My Predictions for Helluva Boss

Alright, guys, not gonna lie... I'm tired from HB! Protagonist-centered morality, favoritism, lack of stakes, Stolass' endless woobification, etc... It has become too much for me. Thus I've gave up any hopes for the writing improvement and refused to watch the show in the long run.

But!

This won't stop me from analysing the previous episodes that I've already watched. Furthermore, I wanna make a few predictions about what's going to happen in the next two seasons (unless those will be cancelled). Perhaps I'll repeat some of the points other critics had already made. So I'm sorry in advance for this, mates.

Now careful, there's a HUGE list under the cut! 🔮

⋆˙˖⟡°˖⟡˙ {Predictions} ˙⟡˖°⟡˖˙⋆

None of the main cast is dead. The plot armor is too strong. Especially for Stolass. I mean, do you genuinely believe that Viv would kill her precious sad bean?! Bitch, please! 🤗

All/most of the antagonists are dead. The only exception I can think about is Cherubs. They're just too unthreatening to bother about. Prolly the D.H.O.R.K.S are dead but reborn in the Hell and Idk if that counts or not 💀⚰️

If the rumors about one of the Deadly Sins' upcoming death are true then it's going to be Mammon. No other options 💸 (Btw I saw a fan theory about Blitzø killing Mammon and taking his place... Well, considering how poorly Viv handles the class problem I wouldn't be surprised if that came true)

F!zzarozz!e get married (S3) 💞 - 100% probability

Stol!tzø get married (S4, finale) 💞 - 100% probability

M&M became parents. Honestly I thought they'll save it for the end but after Sinsmas... Yeah. Anyway the truth about Millie's pregnancy is revealed (nearly to the middle of S3), she gives a birth for pro-lifers' delight and takes maternity leave becoming a background character. The child prolly is a boy and gets a better development than his mother. Apparently he's named Blitzø Junior or smth like that 👨‍👩‍👧

F!zzarozz!e & Stol!tzø double date💕

Moxxie's insecurity issue is showed at least once at the season. Now he isn't sure about himself being a good father/protector/role model for his son 💪

Loona shows her human disguise at least once at the season. Doesn't really matter if there's no logical reason for that 🐺➡️👩

More sappy sad ballads performed by Stolass 🎵

I.M.P. continue murdering people and not giving a fuck about morality (Sinsmas was the only act of mercy) OR they leave the business and fully go for Stol!tz soap opera (not like they haven't done that already- but hey! there's always room for degradation, right?) 📉

Stolass succeeds at the dime novels writing 📜✍️

Carnal hyper-sensual coitus between Stolass and Blitzø appears on-screen. Correct me if I'm wrong but I remember Viv expressed her desire to animate an intimacy act, so I have zero doubts these two are involved. It can't be anyone but them 🤢

Octavia forgives Stolass the moment she finds out about Stella's abusive nature. And since Stella's confirmed as a "stupid cow" the truth's revealed in the dumbest way possible. I wouldn't be surprised if Stella spilled the beans by herself 🤦‍♀️

Blitzø boosts his connection with Stolass the moment he finds out about Stella's abusive nature. After all we've got a sex out of pity, so why wouldn't we got a love out of pity as well? 🤡

Possibly Striker/Stella had been a thing at a certain time. Why? Because ✨fanservice✨ of course! And yes, it's going to be as dull, flat and out of nowhere as Cherr!snake. Or maybe worse 🙁

Stella's backstory turns out like the "she was born evil so don't you dare to sympathise with her" full edition. There is no valid motivation, no intriguing conflicts, no nuances - none of that. There is only Stolass' woobification arc. So this backstory isn't about Stella. It's revolved mainly around Stolass, maybe around Andrealphus or Vassago at the least. Granted that Stella ever had a chance to receive a decent backstory for herself Vivienne would've thrown it away right in the next episode without mentioning it ever again 😭

Actually Mammon can't play the guitar 🎸 He's just too dumb and untalented for this (according to Vivienne). Don't expect an epic villain song from him. I'd be happy to be wrong about this one but my hopes are dead

More fatphobic jokes toward Mammon 👎

Stolass' in drag. Just no comments 💄👠

Love triangle between Stolass, Blitzø and Vassago. At one point, Stolass leaves Blitzø because he doesn't satisfy his wet dreams well enough. Vassago and Stolass have complete mutual understanding and the idyll but Stolass feels smth isn't right. Smth is missing, smth like… Meanwhile Blitzø suffers and seeks Stolass' mercy. Eventually Stolass comes back to Blitzø because 💖 ~ they belong together ~ 💖

Perhaps after the breakup between Stolass and Vassago the latter will get together with Andrealphus 💘

Millie & Moxxie or Fizz & Ozzie giving romantic advices to Blitzø / helping him improve the relationship with Stolass 💝

Barbie Wire forgives Blitzø in her next appearance and then moves away from the plot without a trace 💨

Sapphic bait 💗 Verosika/Barbie Wire? Barbie Wire/Sallie May? Sallie May/Verosika? All of them together? I don't know! But I do know Viv would rather escape from being accused of wlw underrepresentation. Since she has promised S3 is going to be "a queer roller coaster" she would need to dilute her sausage party a bit. And of course the lesbian ship (whichever it would be) is poorly developed.

New unnecessary characters for celebrity VA's ⭐

Stolass was kidnapped... again?! Yes, Striker abducted him before but... Why wouldn't do this one more time? After all the stans love presenting Viv's auto-plagiarism as meaningful "symbolic parallels". Besides kidnapping is one of the most beloved tropes in fanfiction. And HB is an animated fanfic for sure ⛓

More shitty dads/exes? Because Viv adores reusing the same tropes over and over again 💩

"Positive" characters keep being justified and woobified infinitely 😇 while villains are losing all their charisma and braincells from episode to episode 😈

Nobody will ever remember that Stolass harassed Blitzø 🙈

Nobody will ever remember that Ozzie allows succubi to enter the mortal realm and seduce humans by hypnotic songs (which doesn't sound pro-consent, does it, Mr. Lust-Is-Not-About-Force?) 🙉

Nobody will ever remember that Queen Bee runs shelters (which are essentially slave trade hellholes) in terrible conditions 🙊

Stolass' "depression" is brought up occasionally as a reason to justify and pity him. Stolass' immediately healed by Stella's death. Right after that the depression has disappeared completely. Therapy sessions aren't required. Even if the therapy is shown then only as a lame joke 🌧

Stolass brings his powers back because he's out... for LOOOOoOHoOOOHoOOVE!!! 💓💃🏻

Stolass gets everything he ever wanted without any efforts and self-improvement. Because he's good enough already and everyone who disagree is just stupid and mean 🏆

Aaaaaaaand that's all! My forecast: at least 80% of these predictions will come true one way or another. And what do you think? Maybe you have your own ideas? Please share those in the comments/reblogs! It'd be cool if someone made a bingo based on all this. It definitely wouldn't be me because today I'm identifying myself as a lazy ass. Bye-bye! 👋😊

[certifiedsexed]

Hi,

I think I’ve experienced CoSA but when I first opened up about it to my then psychologist, she said what happened to me is a normal part of childhood sexual development and the sooner I understand and internalize that, the better. That it was only my own shame that made it feel like it was traumatic. She made me feel like I’ve overreacted and I shouldn’t even have brought it up in therapy. I almost felt scolded by her. She didn’t even let me finish the story, she just cut me off and started ranting. I’ve been very ashamed of the whole situation ever since and sometimes it feels like I must have made up the whole thing and even when I told my partner I felt like I was “appropriating serious trauma” and “faking”. Is that even possible?

The things he did also don’t feel “enough” to count as sexual abuse. Even if I’d never tell that to anybody else.

I’m so lost on how to move on from this situation, since I haven’t been able to bring this up to other mental health professionals because I don’t think I can take the situation with her repeating and it’s so difficult to find good providers to begin with.

Hi!

I'm so, so sorry you had to experience that, Anon. Your psychologist's response sounds inappropriate on several different levels (interrupting you, dismissing your feelings, ranting to you about it), that's awful. 💕

I know its so hard to open up about things like that and for her to not even let you finish and use what sounds like victim-blaming rhetoric to shut you down is devastating.

I'll say upfront, I don't know what happened to you specifically. But I do know people who went through trauma, especially sexual trauma, often feel like they're faking and/or their trauma isn't real/serious. That doesn't mean it isn't real or "enough" to actually be traumatic.

I'll also say, it's not "faking" or "appropriation" to be upset or feel traumatized by something and its definitely not faking to tell your partner about something that happened to you. You did not make it up, which means you are not faking shit.

Treat yourself as if you are someone else.

If someone else, let's say your partner, told you they experienced exactly what you experienced and that they were worried they'd been sexually assaulted, what would you say? What would you think?

I don't know you, but I suspect you wouldn't react as aggressively as your psychologist did. I suspect you would have an entirely different perspective and you would, at the very least, be respectful and kind about it.

I understand the fear of talking to another therapist/psychologist about it. The struggle to find good mental health professionals is dire, tbh.

(I hope you are no longer with the psychologist who treated you like that because that's unacceptable.)

I don't know if you want advice on that front but I would suggest while you obviously don't have to talk about it again if you're not comfortable, if you find someone that you think you might be able to discuss it with, I'd ask some questions first!

Tell them you're scared to tell them something that happened to you because people have reacted badly before. Ask them what they'd do if you told them something that you felt traumatized/hurt you and they thought "wasn't really traumatizing".

Ask them if they have patients/experience with sexual abuse, childhood in particular.

Hell, if it helps, see if your partner can stick with you when/if you ever decide to discuss it with someone else again. Whatever helps.

Hope this helps, Anon. Let me know if you have any other questions. <33

[adventurermari]

I've slowly seen more and more you tubers talking about and singing the praises of the first cars game and that makes me really happy to see, however one aspect of these games that I feel like I haven't seen discussed is how much of a fantastic and natural job that game and it's sequels do at expanding upon the world building of the first movie.

Okay so first of all I wanna mention that in the first movie, in front of mater's junkyard, there's two buildings that are in extremely rough shape

in the first movie, the space that these buildings occupy aren't really relevant to at all aside from them giving lightning mcqueen is first impression of radiator springs, well, at least in a way where he can actually process where he is. Now then, fast forward to the very end of the first movie, lightning mentions that he's getting his own racing headquarters.

now take a look at this screenshot from the first video game, notice the sign mentioning a racing quarters for lightning in front of the abandoned buildings? if you look closely, it mentions "coming soon"

In the sequel to this game, Cars mater-national, that exact space of land where those buildings reside are replaced with lightning's racing headquarters, which it's own construction progesses as you progress through the game alongside lightning's own hometrack and it's all wonderful to see both of these landmarks slowly develop in the game

In cars race o rama, none of this expanded world building has been forgotten about, lightning mcqueen's new headquarters is still a part of radiator springs while not plot relevant at all, it is still nice to see it there mean while lightning's new home track, now actually having the name of radiator springs speedway, which isn't only a place that you can race in, but is also it's own hub world that you can explore which absolutely blew my mind as kid, also the track is also more developed than it was in mater-national, and has a drastically different layout for some reason but idk it's not a really big deal, especially because of how cool this track looks

Another thing I find interesting is that race o rama establishses the hudson racing acedemy, a racing a acedemy where young, future race cars can train alongside lightning mqueen which is a very interesting direction for his character, especially considering the mentor figure that lightning would later become in cars 3, Race O rama basically beat that movie to the punch with that concept and I find that very interesting

Like oh my god, I just love how much these games expanded upon the world building from the first movie so much in such a natural and interesting way, like I can't think of that many other licensed games that even do that and I feel like this aspect of these games should be discussed more often cause it's just so fascinating, like the video games practically serve as a great continuation from the first movie, especially with the first game already taking the interesting angle of taking place after the events of the first movie and then the other two games continuing after that first game. It's just one of those aspects of these first 3 cars games that I believe makes them so much more fascinating and special compared to the cars 2 and 3 game, which I don't have anything against, since I did really like the cars 2 game back then and I haven't played driven to win, despite some of the flaws and criticisms i've heard from that game I still feel like I'll still really enjoy it since it has the same gameplay style as the cars 2 game. I also do like how that game also takes place after the third movie but I cannot speak for how well it expands upon the concepts presented in it's movie as I have never played it but I find it very sweet that the tutorial race has lightning doing a simulated race with doc even if it's present kinda weirdly cause of the dialogue/voice acting in that game is really strange. But it's fine honestly, I kinda don't really mind that those games deviate so hard from the first 3 cars games. however I cannot deny that little egg me found it odd when the second movie and it's game had not a single appearance of any of these things that were established in the games, however that didn't stop little egg me from making both the first movie, games, and second movie all be canon in my cars diecast lore.

[lorata]

I recall in your Rebellion AU that Emory was surprisingly ready to join the rebellion and Brutus even thinks on this after she dies. Why was Emory so willing to join when a lot of the other Twos were hesitant? Was she already radicalized before the QQ similar to Lyme and just waiting for an opportunity? If so, when did that happen?

Emory was sort of like ... born into class consciousness is the thing

Emory grew up poor in a mining town on its last legs. the mine land was community owned and the developers from the munitions companies were always coming around trying to get people to sell so they could close the mine and put up a factory instead, but everyone agreed they would never sell. the capitol gave them this land for the mine years ago. they would hold the line.

so she grew up steeped in loyalty to the capitol, of course, the capitol provides and we trust the capitol and also fear, if we don't obey then there are consequences, but also, maybe even more importantly, loyalty to the community and to each other. we look after each other when no one else does.

and then she won and saw the capriciousness of the capitol in favour of entertainment. and then she did her PR work in-district with blue-collar patriots and realized how many of these people were dirt-poor just like she was and how many of them trusted the capitol just like she had and they gave their children to the program so that people in town could sneer and call them monsters. she knows the numbers now, and quarry kids outnumber townies five to one at least. civilian kids sleep safe in two because uneducated, sometimes illiterate, parents send their kids to the death machine in their stead, and whether they do it without question or crying and praying the whole time it all washes out the same.

and even without the games they work and work and work and for what? to profess loyalty to people who laugh at them and call them unkind names at fancy parties? a government who forgets they exist except to bring them more weapons and more soldiers and more children for slaughter?

(never mind the other districts, it takes baby victor emory about 0.2 seconds to realize that she has more in common with miners in d12 or fishers in d4 than anyone in the capitol. would emory eventually have reached katniss' realization that the capitol citizens weren't her enemy either? i mean, maybe, but that's advanced and she died first)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I saw what you said about the dreams being nothing and useless to the story, and I was curious about something, do you think the characters that never got closure or development from their book should have stayed like that or do you think a new book should have been made to tie up the initial stories?

Heartslabyul for example had a lot of loose ends on their book that never got resolved, Cater never had focus or allowed development, the others too didnt get true closure, and I thought the heartslabyul dreams was the perfect way to finish their arc in a fulfilling way.

But you hold the opinion the dream arcs shoudnt have focused on them too much right? Do you think It was okay for the characters development to end in their book, or do you think their closure should have been in a different moment or way?

[Referencing this post!]

While I realize that the original post was very critical of the dream hopping segments, I did not mean to call them "nothing" and "useless" as a whole. I'm unhappy with how the dreams were executed, especially the lack of urgency present in them. My main gripe is how the characters know that they're on a time crunch, yet they hardly ever act like it. Instead, they stand around for multiple segments eating fake food or casually sharing stories about their families. This is time-wasting nonsense and it does nothing to help their situation. We quickly started to stray from Diasomnia and the urgency of the conflict at hand in favor of fanservice (like dorm leader Cater, despite Cater expressing he never wanted the position) and trying to explain away that fanservice with contrived dialogue.

Please do not misunderstand me. I never said that I don't want any non-Ignihyde or non-Diasomnia character to get development in book 7. It's true that many characters, especially the non-OB boys, never got the spotlight in previous books or that we never got the satisfaction of seeing their growth this far into the school year. If any of them were going to get attention, it makes sense to do it now as one last hurrah in book 7. It might not have been very obvious due to the critical nature of that original post, but I actually thought some of the later dreams (namely the Savanaclaw and Heartslabyul ones) were good and wrapped things up nicely. I will, however, still lampoon them for having the characters standing around and eating/talking for way too long.

It's not that I wished the game didn't focus on the non-OB boys, it's that I wished the execution of them wasn't so meandering. If the devs wanted to keep the dream segments in, they should have trimmed the fat out. Get rid of all (or most of) the idle parts, or at least trim down on the idle dialogue by a lot. Or maybe just make the OB boys mandatory and the others optional. Like, still part of book 7 but you can read the non-OB boys at your leisure, similar to collecting individual students' wishes in the Wish Upon a Star event, and you only need to clear the OB boys to advance in the story. Have short scenes where dorm members reunite (sort of like at the end of book 6, when everyone regrouped with their respective OB boy) and gear up + strategize with each other. Cut back briefly to Malleus and Lilia's brawl between each dorm, just to keep them relevant and/or remind us of that clock ticking down as Lilia gets more and more worn down. Maybe standardize how many parts are dedicated to every character too… Not have a spread of 4 to 46. That would at least speed us along a little faster or at least give a better sense of rushing to prepare for the fight against Malleus.

That being said, characters don’t just magically stop developing the instant their book ends. They’re changing on their own, outside of the purview of the player or off-screen (like when Riddle talks with his mom over winter break), all the time. A lot of this happens through self-reflection/internal thoughts, so we the players don’t get to see it. It doesn’t mean the characters haven’t changed or wouldn’t change without us viewing it ourselves. Even now, the characters are still growing and changing. Some of them might have more concrete “closure” now (like Kalim finally getting to punch Jamil), but the truth of the matter is that character development never truly “ends” (ie Kalim and Jamil still have their complicated relationship to sort through). It is a continuous thing we consciously work at. There’s truly no end in sight for it. Regardless of whether we got those dream sequences or not or how that development was delivered to us, this still would have been true.

[4urvalidation]

A CASE OF LIMERENCE | Chapter Eight

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

A/N: Not to be dramatic, but - it's happening. The slow burn is burning. Finally.

++ I know I don't say this often, but comments, likes, reblogs and any kind of feedback in general is greatly welcomed. I love hearing what people think of my work. So if you could spare a second or two to share your thoughts, it would really make me happy. And as always hope you enjoy. ✨

TW: Underage drinking, mentions of getting drugged as well as drugs/alcohol in general, smoking, very strongly implied sexual content, characters once again being horny and doing stuff because of it... (if something's missing lmk)

She feels bad. 

No. 

She feels horrible; evil. Her insides tear apart at the idea of stringing JJ along and yet - that’s exactly what she’s doing. What she has been doing for the past couple of weeks and she should stop, but stopping means fully indulging in the ever growing crush she has somehow developed on Rafe fucking Cameron. 

Ever since their little rendezvous - his smile, his eyes, his hands, his forearms is all Leni could think about. She wears his sweatshirt in bed and in the darkest hours of the night, her mind weaves all kinds of wicked fantasies. With her eyes closed shut, she imagines his lips gently gliding down the length of her neck, chest collar bones. Biting and licking and savouring every inch of her needy body. Giving everything she shamelessly begs for.  

In the morning her wild, unabashed thoughts quickly replace themselves with scalding hot shame. Leni gives her flustered reflection a stern look, but it’s pointless. Once night falls and she finds herself all alone in bed, she will do the same things over and over and over again. 

On Friday, JJ is five minutes early. With a smile on his face, he watches her descend down the stairs of the Summerwinds Hotel and… she likes him. Maybe not as much as she likes Rafe, but at least there’s something to like about JJ. 

In his beat up truck, they make small talk. He’s cleaned up nice - a suit courtesy of Pope and a haircut by Cleo and he’s still the same old JJ that offered her a can of warm beer all those weeks ago, but something’s changed. He has changed. Leni notices it in the way he talks to her now; how his gaze lingers when their eyes meet and how he’s no longer afraid to touch her properly. 

The back of his calloused hand gently brushes against her arm as he explains the way he maneuvered a gigantic wave earlier that morning. When he notices she has no intentions of pulling away, JJ allows himself to linger before finally taking Leni’s hand into his own. His palm is slightly sweaty and rough - the same as she remembers it from the first time they touched.

Leni turns to look at him: his clear ocean blue eyes, his slightly crooked but blinding smile; the chubbiness of his cheeks and the way he always looks tired despite getting more than 10 hours of sleep. She wishes she could kiss him. Right here, right now as he’s speeding down the not so open road. 

And she almost did. 

Last night by the fire while the rest were busying themselves by looking at John B’s dad’s ancient old treasure maps, JJ scooted closer to Leni and put his arm around her bare shoulders. In her ear he confessed how bored all of this made him feel; how having her here makes everything so much better and how she is the real treasure - not the piece of junk his friend was oh-so desperate to find. 

Leni laughed, a big throaty sound muffled by unintelligible shouting. It had been a while since a boy had put his face this close to hers and a part of her was scared she might’ve forgotten how to kiss properly. She felt JJ’s beer soaked breath on her lips and it was gross and so not romantic, but his words dripped honey and she liked him and Kie -

Kie interrupted them. 

Kie in her gorgeous blue bikini and her sun bleached hair and perfect smile towered over the two of them like some sort of anti kissing police. The second JJ noticed her presence he practically catapulted himself back on his feet. Away from Leni, their would-be kiss and the words he whispered in her ear. 

“I’m sure she didn’t do it on purpose.” Was Sarah’s response when Leni recounted what happened and maybe she’s right; after all Sarah knows Kie a lot better than she ever will and yet, a part of Leni can’t help but feel like she might’ve done it on purpose. 

The conversation she and Cleo had that day at The Wreck; the subtle glances JJ  throws in Kie’s way whenever they’re on opposite sides of a room, their subtle touches, secret smiles, inside jokes and unspoken words… 

No. 

Leni will simply not allow herself to stoop this low. 

They’re best friends! 

JJ and Kie are best friends and it’s totally normal for best friends to be overly protective of one another. 

Hell! - she too is guilty of such a thing! But then again, when has she ever drawn circles on Otto’s back or gazed at him dreamily or bitten his shoulder or-

Maybe that’s just how they functioned. 

Or maybe Kie has a big fat secret crush on JJ. 

Just like the one Leni has on Rafe. 

No! 

She said; she promised there will be absolutely no more thinking about Rafe! She’s wasted enough time wearing his sweatshirt and checking her phone for his text! A line must be drawn and Leni decides that today is the day everything stops. 

Tomorrow once she’s awake and very well rested, she will text him to take back his sweatshirt and put an end to this exhausting case of limerence he has opened against her! 

Yes. 

That is a perfectly good idea and totally not an excuse to see him!

“Oh.My.God!” Is the first thing that comes out of Polly’s mouth the moment she spots Leni and JJ, “You absolute hottie, you! Your dress-”

“You like?” Grinning, Leni does a little spin. 

“Like? Do I like? Are you fucking kidding me!? I am ob-sessed! I want like thirty of these! Tess… Tess!” Polly calls out to the crowd and there  Tess is - gorgeous in a sunset colored dress, her enviable curls gently cascading down her shoulders. “Don’t you just want thirty of these?” 

Their gazes meet and the smile on her friend’s face disappears almost immediately. “Pogues or trashy dresses?” Tess’ stare is razor sharp. Her voice icey. 

“Hey, Tess… I thought this was a classy party.” Leni tries to keep things light, airy. She even throws a throaty laugh for the sake of it, but none is being thrown back at her. At least not from the person she desires it the most from. 

“It was, until you dragged your little dog along.” 

“Girls-” Polly whines, “Can we just get along please? I worked really hard to make this night special!”

“I’m not sure Leni is aware of it, though.” 

“What the fuck is your problem?” The words barely make it through Leni’s gritted teeth. JJ’s gentle grip holding her back. 

“I’m sure if you think hard enough, you’ll figure it out.” She wants to wipe Tess’ smile with the back of her hand, but doesn’t. There’s no point; she’ll only be doing herself a disservice, not to mention making things even more awkward than they already are. So instead, she just stands there - her fingers interlaced with JJ’s - as she watches Tess and Polly disappear into the crowd. 

“We can leave.” He says in her ear. His warm breath tickles and she wants to. Oh how badly she wants to storm out of this place like the wildest of hurricanes; take off her shoes and run barefoot in the dirty wet sand while the rest of her friends drink themselves stupid by yet another lazy bonfire. “Okay,” She smiles, but doesn’t move an inch. She’s spent far too much money on the dress and far too long on making sure every part of herself tonight looks absolutely perfect. There is no way in hell Leni’s leaving this party until she gets her comeuppance. Plus, there is no fucking way she’s letting Tess win this one. Especially not after what she said about her date. “But, first - you owe me a  dance.”

Of course.

Of fucking course.

She’s shaking.

Seething.

The prickling in her fingertips grows to the point her hands are practically vibrating but that’s not the worst. The worst comes with the realization that maybe this was a bad idea. Her. JJ. Her and JJ. Her and JJ at Midsummers. Her in this dress. The guy with the awkward grin walking towards her…

“Looks like you need a drink.” He says, passing her one of the two glasses in his hands. “I’m Ford. Borstein.”

“Leni.”

“I know. You’re Polly’s friend. I’ve seen you in a couple of her stories.” 

“Oh, I’m sure.” 

“You like vodka?”

“Not really.”

“You’re gonna like this one. It’s pink.” His pupils are completely blown out. So much so she can see her reflection in them. Ford’s awkward grin widens. “Try it.” 

Leni looks at the drink in her hand. 

It’s pink alright. 

Pink and very unappetizing. 

She turns her gaze to Ford again, but doesn’t look at him. All she can see is the back of a very attractive buzzed head moving through the crowd and far, far away from her. The grip around her glass tightens. So do her chest and thighs. 

“Maybe later.” Leni hears herself say, before pushing past Ford and plunging straight into the hoard of drunken teenagers. Blindly, she walks the steps she not so long ago watched Rafe take and it’s like he’s put some fucking spell on her or something. 

Those dark ocean blue eyes and that infuriatingly cocky smile… ah the things she would give to see them up close again…  

With Ford’s stupid pink drink still tightly gripped between her prickling fingers, Leni mindlessly roams the insides of The Island Club. She can barely hear the music and chatter from up here, but then again she doesn’t really know where up here is exactly. She’s never been this deep or far inside the building and if she were to turn around and rejoin the party, Leni’s not quite sure she’ll be able to find her way back. 

But she does find her way to him. 

Rafe. 

He stands there, all alone in a dark empty lounge room; his handsome face gently illuminated by the soft light of his burning cigarette. The rest of his silhouette bathed in blue moonlight. From behind the crack of the slightly opened door she watches the way his hand moves back and forth from his lips and for the first time in her life Leni finds herself being jealous of a cigarette. 

A cigarette! 

“Hey.” The sudden sound of his voice - quiet, yet rumbling - startles her and as if beckoned, she pushes her way inside; her gaze sheepishly colliding with his in an instant. “How long were you planning on standing there?”

“Depends… How long were you going to pretend not to see me?” 

The corners of his lips perk into that familiar cocky smile that makes her weak in the knees and she watches him watching her slowly glide closer and closer until they are merely feet apart. His eyes don’t stop though. They slide all over Leni’s body - carefully drinking in her curves, the exposed bits of skin - all while taking an enervatingly long drag of his cigarette. 

“I’m seeing you now.” He says, blowing smoke behind his shoulder. His gaze never leaves her. 

“Are you flirting with me?” She smiles. The cigarette finds its way back to his lips again. 

“Do you want me to?” 

“Answer the question Rafe.” 

He smirks, ready to take yet another devastatingly long drag, but Leni steals the cigarette straight out of his mouth. “What if I am?” His stare is now fixed on her lips; specifically on the way they curl around the butt and inhale.  

Smiling, she blows the smoke straight into his face. “That’s not an answer.” 

“You’ve been drinking.” 

“And that is a very lazy way to change the topic.” 

Rafe chuckles, “You’ve been though, haven’t you?” 

“Is it that obvious?” 

“Considering how you’re having one right now… yeah.” He steals back his cigarette. “What is that anyways? It smells foul.” 

“Foul?” 

“Like shit.” 

Leni giggles. “It’s…” She looks at the glass in her hand. “Actually I have no idea. Some guy just gave it to me. Said it was pink vodka or something.” 

“Some guy?” 

Nodding, she takes the cigarette. 

Their fingers brush. 

“Ford Borstein?”

“Maybe.” 

“Yeah, you’re not drinking that.” Without another word, Rafe grabs the glass straight out of her hand and throws it out of the window. “You didn’t drink it did you?” 

“No.” 

“Not even a sip?”

“No! It smelled foul.” 

“Good girl.” 

The cigarette is in his hand again. 

Leni swallows. 

Ignores the pooling want growing between her thighs. 

“He roofies people. Well - girls, mostly. Especially if they’re pretty.”

“Pretty? Like me?” 

The corners of his lips perk up. “Yes, Elena. Like you.” 

Rafe stubs out the cigarette on the window pane. 

She steps closer, “Bum me another smoke?” 

He pulls a pack of Marlboro lights from his back pocket, “Drinkin’, smokin’… some’d say I’m rubbing off on you.” 

“Thought you didn’t drink anymore?”

He fishes out a cigarette. 

She reaches for it. 

Rafe tsks. “I don’t.” His fingers brush her mouth when he places the butt between her lips, making Leni shiver. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want one.” 

She swallows.

Takes a drag. 

“Do you want a smoke?” 

Their eyes meet. 

“Yeah, I could smoke.” 

“Well, go on. Light up. Keep me company.” 

“I would, but… I like it better when I���m sharing it with you.” 

Rafe’s face is practically inches away from her own. So close she can almost feel his warm, sexy breath tickling the tip of her nose. He takes the cigarette right out of her mouth and this time when his fingers brush her cherry coated lips, Leni knows he’s done it on purpose. 

The air between them is charged; heavy. Thick. 

Leni can feel her heartbeat rise with each passing second; the thin material of her thong getting wetter and wetter every time he passes her the cigarette. His pupils are so dilated, they’re making Rafe look like he’s got two black holes instead of eyes and they’re pulling her in; drawing her closer and closer until her body is practically flush with his own. 

Just as he takes one last drag of their shared cigarette, Leni glances over at the small watch around her wrist. 

“It’s midnight.” She says, grinning slightly. 

“And if you don’t leave now your date will turn into a pumpkin?” 

She rolls her eyes, “No! It’s my birthday.” 

Rafe’s face softens. He’s smiling. “Your birthday?” She nods. “I didn’t know.” 

“You know now.”

“Happy birthday then.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Should’ve told me sooner.”

“Why?” 

“I would’ve gotten you something.” 

“Something?”

“A present.”

“Rafe…”

“Oh come on, what’s a birthday without a present?” 

“I dunno - still a birthday?” 

“Not to me.” Blowing one last smoke, Rafe stubs out the cigarette. 

“Okay.” Leni sighs, “What do you have in mind, then?”

“To give you?”

“Yes.” 

He steps closer. His warm breath hovering above her nose, lips, chin… “Something your date never will.” 

Leni swallows. “And what is that?” 

“An orgasm.” 

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

[sskk-manifesto]

Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it

Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.

[smile-files]

i continue to find ii3 baffling. why did they make it (this isn't to hate on the season, i'm genuinely curious)

[pixelsjoy]

Me playing Tears of the Kingdom: As much as I miss the champions, it makes sense they're not mentioned much. It's been a hundred years since they died. Even if they survived the Calamity, most of them would probably be dead at this point. The only exception being Mipha, who would have been the only one that would still be alive if she survived the calamity due to her age. The reason they're still remembered so much in Breath of the Wild is because the Divine Beasts, one of the last remaining connections to them, are still active and looming in Hyrule. Impa also said that their spirits feel uneasy knowing their task of defeating the Calamity wasn't done. They were at peace when the Calamity was defeated and passed on. They're not brought up from that point on because them and their era are over and can be laid to rest.

Also me playing Tears of the Kingdom: - holding back tears - Damn I miss the champions

[fluffle-writes]

I wanna. Pick them up in my mouth and shake 'em around like a dog obliterating a squeaky toy

[here-there-were-dragons]

my mother is absolutely convinced of some nonsense conspiracy theory that (in her words) "originally humanity lived in peaceful all-woman societies of goddess worshippers who took care of eachother and lived in harmony, while males were roving loners that had no society and never cooperated. that changed when the men banded together and overthrew the peaceful woman-dominated societies, and enslaved us all." and, according to her, this is proof that a woman-dominated world would be innately more peaceful, and that men are innately violent and evil and should be either barred from holding any legal power or leadership roles or at least should be (again in her words) "gelded like bulls" to remove their testosterone before even being considered for such a thing.

she also evidently believes that the problem with all religions today is primarily that they aren't "goddess worshippers", because she seems to think goddess religions are inherently peaceful and pure too and seems to be especially obsessed with "Isis" in particular. the very very few times she's openly considered it unambiguously bad for some population or another to have been exterminated (she's got a bad case of devil's advocating genocide brain), she's gone out of her way to make up some crap about how said people were a peaceful society of goddess-worshippers, almost always of isis. delusions of isis-worship seem to be the only thing that ever causes her to consider any arab or middle-eastern culture, society, or ethnicity to be relatively uncomplicatedly undeserving of extermination, in fact, because every fucking time she doesn't immediately start devils-advocating it and making remarks about how "the rest of the world should box them in and let them blow eachother up" it's when she's whinging on about how whatever specific micro-ethnicity she's thinking about are or were traditional persecuted isis-worshippers.

the sole major exception to her weird fixation on isis worship justifying worthiness of life is the whole israel thing going on, in which she has consistently made very obvious that literally the only reason she's against the genocide of palestine is because it gives her an excuse to even more openly hate jewish people than she already did. and honestly i'm not sure even that's true because i think she's made some offhand remarks about palestinians having probably been peaceful isis worshipers before the jews infected them with christianity or something anyway.

so for the last, however fucking long it's been i've been constantly having to listen to her go off about how this behavior is in the jew's blood or whatever and that they literally invented all genocide because somehow the concept didn't exist before them and wouldn't have ever been invented by the rest of humanity without those jewish aliens dropping it in i fucking guess apparently and she furthermore goes on about how every single genocide and mass-oppression movement in history is directly inspired by them, ESPECIALLY the nazis, and THEN i have to listen to her rant about how, basically, wwii was something they entirely brought on themselves by "dominating the economy and treating everyone not them like shit" and the nazis were just "using their own tactics back at them". and then she goes on a rant about how the people the original jews exterminated back in the day (aka the first ever genocide, which they invented, because jews invented genocide and hate according to her) in the middle east region were peaceful matriarchal isis-worshipers.

and then she starts making comments about arabs being backwards and palestinians either being mysogynist muslims that should be boxed in to blow eachother up with everyone else or secret peaceful isis worshippers corrupted by men's cruel hand, sometimes in the same sentence, entirely dependent on which group she's more in the mood to hate at the time.

it's exhausting. beyond exhausting. her sole purpose in existence seems to be to have the singularly most exhausting set of politics physically possible to fit into one person.

just, sometimes i think, if there really is anything at all to the incredibly stupid and inexplicably popular idea that anyone or anything has a Purpose tm to exist for, i feel like my mother's purpose is to be walking proof to me of a Type Of Guy That Is Real, cause i sure as fuck would have trouble inventing this mess if it wasn't standing right in front of me spewing confusingly bipartisan hate. all of her thoughts and opinions are these long winding nonsense chains that feel like if that man carrying thing sketch about the friend with confusing politics was a person. on meth.

[punkshitposts]

something I think is actually hilarious is that if you go left enough you start having more stances in common with (individual) conservatives, and if you go right enough you start agreeing with (individual) leftists. like i have a pretty close friend who's self described as "just far enough right that I hate politicians" , whom I hard disagree with his overarching political stances. but the finer details of it... yeah we agree with each other. gun control/gun rights opinions taxation opinions pro-small government opinions slight separatist opinions anti two party opinions anti-corporation opinion ect ect ect.

we stand on opposite sides of a standard political compass but I genuinely think if I were to count stats, I'd agree with as many of his stances as I would a liberals/democrats stances. my hs gov teacher described the difference in right vs left to us as "everyone's goal here is the betterment of mankind, they just think the best ways to do it are different" and that's literally the best way, to me, to describe what the difference in right vs left is regarding anarchism specifically. we got ESSENTIALLY the same opinion but the ways we think are the best ways to go about enacting said opinion are what makes us different. and something abt that is really painfully funny to me. envisioning a world where an-something is the major world thing, not capitalism.... and there's STILL right vs left... but The Anarchist Versions. christ.

sorry for the book i wrote in the tags. ignore typos I am NOT retyping any of that to fix them xoxo

[quincyhorst]

HC Potpurri: Red Matador - THE BENCH

Writing this post was hell incarnate, that's all I'll say. I've tried to be brief, but dunno about the final result. Either way, if you're curious about anything/anyone on particular, you can always ask for more info.

Hope you like it, anyway <3

The Red Matador bench is unfortunately not very united like other teams. There's the reserve keeper Juan, mostly a loner, there's the DF Laudi, always on his delusions, and then there's... Them.

Isaac, Carlos, Federico. The killer trio. Las divinas. The golden kids. The Holy Trinity. The icons. Or how they are named on their own language, "Los Bellos".

...Nah, but seriously. Although separated on RM's early days, the moment these three teamed up they became unstopabble. And while at first they were also rather unknown to the public (Even pre-FFI), soon their popularity grew so much it started to compete with those of the field players (plus the current holder of the "most popular with girls" title, Rafael). And with even the coach also starting to favour them more than the rest... Yeah.

The three seemed quite happy with this position, at least. Isaac loves attention, specially from girls, so he'll take any chance to stand out. Carlos is (secretly) cunning and he enjoys when things go his way. And as for Federico... He's just a really friendly guy. Past grudges with soccer aside, he is very happy with his new friendships and the popularity raising around, yet without any egoistical intentions. In fact, he even wants the leftover benchers to be more popular too, but without success... :(

Whenever the team has free time, Los Bellos go to conquer the world... Or at least to conquer the hearts of innocent girls around the spanish team area (?

Though, it comes to relationships between the team, they are... So and so. They are inoffensive, but its true they can feel detached from the rest, a gap that got bigger as the final Spain match was coming. Add to this some rivarly between this group and the Slingshot Jocks (Querardo, Samuel, David) and it seemed a storm was coming.

...And it did, right around the Spain vs Japan friendly match. One snarky comment was enough to light up an entire wildfire of discussions between field and bench. It got BAD. Isaac boasted too much, Carlos only added more fuel, Laudi didn't help at all nor Juan, and Fede just couldn't pick a side. The coach tried to step in, but it was futile. RM was too heated by other things already, and this added even more to the burden.

Unfortunately yes, these new cracks showing within the team were one of the things that led to the inevitable loss vs Brockenborg. At least, this was able to make everyone step back and realize their own faults. With nothing else to do, they soon all made peace and returned to their usual lives. A bittersweet ending, but at least with many new friendships and experiences formed in the way. Even after the tournament, Los Bellos still keep in contact to this day, and the three love to meet at their respective cities.

Now, as for the other two... Despite what it seems, Juan doesn't always enjoy being a loner. In fact, his sole reason for joining soccer was because he wanted to combat his social anxiety, but there's still things to improve. He never expected to become a main keeper at first, that's for sure.

At least he's not neccesarily alone. Rafael and Antonio are friendships he keeps from the Spanish Community Cup, being all representatives of Andalusia. So the DF group keeps him on mind, and he even gets invited to play when it's party time. Besides, right around the end of the Qualifications (+ Unicorn Fiasco), Juan also had managed to befriend Fede, given both came from similar situations. Even with the whole "Los Bellos" deal, Fede never left Juan aside, specially on the moments he needed support the most (Such as him straight up getting benched). It is rumored that not only these two also meet in their own nowadays, but also that Zubeldia has composed special songs just for him.

One last thing, but also unlike other FFI teams, the relationship between keepers isn't that strong. Sure, they are in good terms, but that's about it. Juan never formed a deep friendship neither with the original reserve keeper nor Fermín. Instead, it was Laudi who took that spot. Let's just say that out of the whole team, it is him who misses the expelled GK more than anything :( But hey, maybe Fer can fill that hole in his heart. Not to mention, "Sanchez" sounds familiar...