#Bruce Wayne's A+ parenting

[mantareidraws]

Giving battinson the big birb hug he so desperately needs 🫂

[spicy-apple-pie]

There are two things that someone learns when they attempt to hold the first Robin hostage.

All the playground gossip

Don't fuck with Robin

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

[dudedidujust]

The daily planet runs a front page article calling superman the light of mankind

Cue the batfam launching a counter campaign in support of Signal,  the real Light of Mankind.

It starts as a joke but quickly derails into an all out war.

[aeturnum-mendacacium]

As Bruce grows older into his 50's or 60's the paparazzi and people crowding him becomes less and he thinks that people have finally decided that Bruce is too old to be attractive or mainstream and he's actually super fine with it and makes jokes( more like sarcastic remarks) about it. But in reality they've grown more freaky cause instead of looking wrinkly and a sappy old man the level of cunt he serves grows everyday,he doesn't look like a snack he looks like a buffet, 13 year olds are using his pics as the cover pages of their mafia wattpad stories, he looks majestic, absolute dilf, we don't talk about the amount of tags he's birthed just by ageing on ao3, and hes still an absolute UNIT, the reason he's not heard about it yet cause the batkids are blocking the shit OUT with all of their will and strength cause it doesn't matter if all of them are full grown adults they're still all like-THATSMYDADGETAWAYFROMHIMHEDOESN'THAVETIMEFORYOUHESBUSYBEINGOURDAD

[oncillabrigade]

Finally read Robins!

I have a lot of thoughts, but I just want to say this panel is the funniest thing I've ever seen:

[harmleikurdraws]

Conflict resolution for parents. In my head Jason might have a huge problem with Batman, but mom-Bruce is out of limits.

part 1 here

[violent138]

Bruce one hundred percent randomly brags about his kids to Alfred, and it started kind of like:

Bruce, ridiculously proud: "Do you know that Dick can speak five languages now?"

Alfred, who was doing the Italian flashcards with Dick just yesterday: "That's very impressive, sir."

[tiger-grace]

Superman: I haven’t seen you at the watchtower for a while. Where have you been the last few weeks, Batman?

Bruce: Rehab.

Superman, worriedly: Oh, I’m so sorry- I never knew you struggled with that. If you don’t mind me asking, what for?

Bruce, grimacing as he watches public footage of Signal and Red Hood starting a dumpster fire out of Pro-Joker merch: ..adoption.

[hyperblue]

one thing that will always be funny to me about batfam is that jason is forever convinced that dick is bruce's favorite child while all of his siblings know for sure that bruce's favorite child is actually jason

some random reporter: who's your favorite child?

bruce: how DARE YOU imply that i play favorites, i love ALL of my children equally

dick, without missing a bit: oh he absolutely plays favorites, it was jason

tim: rest in peace

[arkangelo-7]

Things Bruce Wayne does at Justice League meetings that 100% confirm the fact that he is a Dad.

Makes attempts at referencing pop culture to try and relate to the younger members. The most memorable instance is when he told Flash to “keep running up that hill.” (Dick laughs for an hour when Wally tells him about it.)

Does the iconic groan/grunt whenever he sits down in his chair. It’s hilarious, but no one is dumb enough to laugh at the Batman.

Ensures that the background music exclusively plays Matchbox 20 and Nirvana. Diana is the only one who enjoys this.

Actively complain about how everyone is “ruining his floor” whenever they push back their chairs.

On that note, he also complains about crumbs getting everywhere whenever someone is snacking.

Will (covertly) ask Clark for grilling tips during breaks. Oliver overhears this once and has to go lay down out of shock, because Batman? Grilling?

Declines requests for new equipment/tools/etc. because they “have that at the Watchtower.” This inevitably leads to complaining from the entire JL.

Always, without fail, will ask Hal if he’s changed the oil in the spacecraft recently. Hal doesn’t know whether to be offended or not.

Randomly interrogates members on if they’ve messed with the Hall of Justice’s thermostat. They have not, in fact, touched the thermostat.

Someone needs to stop me because I literally cannot get the image of Bruce being the Typical Dad (tm) of the Justice League.

[sidewalk-cracks]

The batkids encountering distressed children and calling them "sweetheart", subconsciously mimicking how Bruce would and will call them sweetheart when they're distressed, and not even realizing it?? Don't speak to me. I can't.

[spicy-apple-pie]

Bruce then compliments him more and Dick busts a move. Every. Single. Time. Without fail.

Commission Info / Kofi

[strangedesired]

Supportive parent Bruce Wayne

Damian showing him all his artwork because he knows that he will get the brightest smile and a “That looks beautiful sweetheart” every time

Dick being so excited to bring his dad to his gymnastics show because he knows that Bruce will start crying every time he lands a trick, without fail, and that means the women that come to watch will have someone else to fuss over

Someone at WE mentioning they don’t trust Tim because of his age and Bruce immediately scheduling a company wide meeting so he can express just how exceptional his son is. Tim’s face is the most red it has ever been the entire time

Cass doesn’t even have to do anything, he is just always looking at her with a fond little smile and on the verge of tears but sometimes, when she wants a little more then normal, she will take one of Jason’s books and read as much as she can aloud. That man absolutely loses it and hugs her as tight as he can while sobbing about how far his baby has come

Jason acts like he couldn’t care less about Bruce’s support, but the first time he overhears Bruce talking about him at a gala, telling some rich idiot who was questioning business decisions that Jason is the most competent man he has ever known and would trust him with not only the WE weapons department but his life, Jason pointedly does not look at Dick, who has a shit eating grin on his face, and walks as fast as he can to the bathroom

The best part is that Bruce doesnt even have to try he is just genuinely that proud of them

[batsyheere]

Bruce tries to adopt Ellie, who is immediately against it. She keeps throwing him off her trail and he keeps tracking her down. She's honestly concerned, and normally she would handle her problems by herself- but this is Batman.

So when Bruce gets a little too close and Ellie is just so tired... she calls for Danny.

"Mom!"

Cue college student, perpetually tired and overworked Danny "High King Phantom" Fenton appearing from the very shadows Batman normally does himself, seeing the situation and going off at this "clearly older man" chasing his daughter in the middle of the night.

Cue the most elaborate "stop trying to adopt my kid before I adopt yours" series of battles

[koraesrambles]

Winchesters vs batboys pt 3

John and Bruce would hate each other. Just, no holds barred, absolute loathing on sight. John would think Bruce doesn't do enough to protect his kids, he'd be soooo judgemental of Bruce's no kill rule. John (at least in the graphic novels) went on a murder spree to kill anyone who knew that Sam had the potential to become evil later in life. John is a representation of everything Bruce hates. John does not believe in second chances. John believes his family's life is more important than other people's. John is willing to spill gallons of blood to keep his kids safe.

Bruce would be sickened by the fact that John thinks himself able to be judge, jury, and executioner. He'd be disgusted by the criminal activity John regularly engages in in order to survive (not everyone is a billionaire Bruce.) Bruce HATES guns and thinks that John fetishizes a weapon of destruction. He can't believe that John is okay with just murdering every monster he decides isn't redeemable.

They reluctantly bond over being paranoid bastards with contingency plans though. Bruce is sickened that John asked Dean to save Sam or kill him. John is downright condescending about Bruce's "my family is my failsafe" plan.

John is actually kind of impressed by Bruce giving his son Super Anxiety as a way to control him. He acknowledges that it is super messed up and definitely leaning toward super villainy, but he's impressed despite himself. Though he does think Bruce is a moron because now his son is kind of useless? Like, what was Bruce really trying to accomplish here?

The bats love each other but none of them are as codependent as the winchesters (who are absolutely in a league of their own when it comes to that). Bruce always needs to know where his kids are, but doesn't really stop them from going places. John needs his kids to be where he put them at all times. He needs to know that Sam is in the motel room and Dean is by his side. Even when Sam goes to college he's constantly checking up on him (which is very Bruce coded of him, honestly. "I love you so much and am terrified for your safety but instead of telling you this like a sane person I'm just gonna stalk you like a creep.")

When John finds out Bruce chips his kids with trackers, he acts like that's a horrible human rights violation but is also like 🤔 Dean also kind of likes the idea. Sam is horrified.

John and Bruce would come to blows regularly but also be subtly taking notes. John wants Bruce's resources. Bruce wants John's ability to control his kids.

[phantobats]

I think this is why Bats got all his Robins in toddler/pre-teen form.

Batman: Gotham Adventures #26