#Because so many of them too fell that day

[lieslab]

Skipped through the five waves of grief

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Chan X gn reader

Summary: After being caught in the middle of your parents' messy marriage, Chan finds you after they announce their divorce.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 2.4K

Domestic abuse and depression resources

Trigger warning: Domestic abuse, mentions of anger and yelling, depression, and emotional defeat

A/N: I'm on a roll with requests. This request is also from a while ago and requestee, I made the ending silly and fluffy. Sometimes Chan gives me cuteness aggression, so in order to ease the hurt about this topic, it ends playfully. This topic is a lot emotionally speaking, so I hope this eases a bit of your burden <3

_ _ _

Parents were supposed to love each other. They were supposed to be the light of each other's lives. Tender touches and sensual kisses. Healthy communication and cemented boundaries for one another. Marriage was supposed to be a joyous celebration. It was supposed to be something that would last forever, but the rings on your parents’ ring fingers began to rust. 

You didn’t know when it first happened. So many days had been spent arguing and bickering. Kisses were withheld from one another and words were thrown. The walls used to be nurtured with sweet murmurs and ‘I love you’s.’ They turned into rot. 

Golden rings rusted and turned their skin green and blue. They cut off blood circulation to their hearts and morphed them into something indescribable. The same reasons that they fell in love, it was the same reason why that love crumbled apart years later. 

The compliments from your mom turned into your father’s annoyance. Your father’s independence swallowed him whole and pig-headedness led him to push your mother away. Simple conversations began to get louder as anger burst out of each of their lungs. 

And you? You were innocent in this entire thing. Your existence was proof that they loved each other, but that was a long time ago. Every year that you grew older, it was another year that their connected flame began to shrink. Smaller and smaller until it snuffed out all together. 

It was easier to use you. The two of them managed to avoid one another like crazy, but you became the scapegoat. A ping pong ball that was forced to hit the board between both of them. Over and over and over and over again. 

“Mom said-” 

“Dad wants you to-” 

“Mom wants to know if you-” 

“Dad wanted me to ask you-” 

It always led to you feeling awful. You were no longer their kid, but rather a pigeon that was forced to carry their notes back and forth. Your back ached from the emotional toil and your brain suffered from their attitudes, but they didn’t see that. 

When a wave of anger was shoved towards you because you were the messenger, you forced yourself to take it. Day in and day out, you were just a cog in their toxic wheel of romance. The romance died, but their bitterness towards each other didn’t. So you bowed and you leaped. You took each cue with hesitation and a held breath. As time went on, your house turned into a battlefield with yourself as the victim. 

Too focused on fighting one another, neither parent understood the holes that they were drilling into your heart. They didn’t understand the ache in your bones and the curdled marrow. Even after you moved out, you still felt the effects of their disintegrating marriage. 

Text messages blew up your phone from both parties. Fingers pointed and both of them blamed the other for things falling apart. Despite you not being home, they still asked you to check in with the other for one reason or the next. 

No matter how miserable it made you, you complied. You didn’t want something to happen and cause the two of them to do something indescribable. Their violence came out in curses and shrieks. Flinging arms, bulging veins, and red faces. If that anger built and snapped, you weren’t sure if it’d ever truly get physical, but that thought worried you. 

You moved out months ago. When Chan suggested that the two of you grab a place, you agreed in a heartbeat. It provided some comfort away from your parents and for once, you felt like you could finally breathe. Neither of their hands were wrapped around your lungs and squeezing to leave you breathless. 

So the two of you went apartment shopping. You picked out furniture and paint colors. Fortunately for the two of you, the landlord was a sweeter older lady. She didn’t mind what you did with the place, as long as you had her permission before you began a project, she was pretty relaxed about most things that other landlords hated. 

You slathered your shared room with a brighter version of your favorite color. At least, by using that shade, it’d keep you rather upbeat. It was better than the last room that you had. Plus, the room was bigger, so you had more space to play with and freely added more and more objects. 

You and Chan had been living at the place for nearly a year. You had your job and he had his. The two of you grew accustomed to one another’s schedules. You went grocery shopping together every week and took turns divvying up the chores. Besides the shitshow from your parents, life was treating you fairly well. 

When you came home from work, you kicked off your dirty shoes, left them by the door, and headed into the kitchen. You were on duty to make dinner and you already knew what you were making. For the past two days, you had been planning to make this special dish tonight. 

Two days ago, your parents got into a huge fight. You didn’t know what happened until your mother informed you the next day. The verbal altercation was so loud that someone alerted the cops. When the cops broke it up, it was so bad that both of your parents had to be separated and calmed down. 

Your heart ached at the news. You felt awful because you didn’t know and couldn’t stop it. Guilt weighed upon your heart heavily. Maybe if you could have been there, you could have stopped it from happening. 

You carried the guilt and burden from things that you didn’t have to. It was one of those things that you couldn’t help. You grew up with your parents being dependent on you during their heated moments and when you weren’t there to stop it from escalating, it made you feel like shit deep down. 

You knew that it wasn’t really your fault. You weren’t responsible for their reactions, but it still felt like you were. If one of them would have alerted you, you would have dropped everything and rushed over. Anything to get them away from potentially hurting each other. 

Picking out the best knife, you took your time cutting the vegetables. You washed them and one-by-one, you placed them on the chopping board and began to dice and slice. Mince the garlic, ignore the sharp scent on your hands, and continue on to the next step. 

Chan would be home from work soon and the past few days, the two of you had been consuming frozen prepackaged food and ramen. Time had been relatively short for both of you and it was something quick and easy. Chan had been discussing wanting a homemade meal and you were thrilled to provide one for him. 

You continued to follow through the steps, but you stopped when your phone vibrated. Worried that Chan had to stay over at the studio, you washed your hands and pulled out your phone. You were expecting Chan, but when you pulled up the message, it was from your mother instead. 

“Your father and I are getting a divorce.” 

You read the words over and over and over again, trying to make sure you read them right. In the past, when anyone mentioned your parents divorcing, they each scoffed at the idea, stating that it took too much effort. 

For months, you had been praying for this moment, but now that you were here, you felt defeated. Your heart weighed heavily in your chest. Instead of responding right away, you left your mother on read, and you tossed the phone onto the nearby counter. 

Days and days of emotional torment finally broke the camel’s back. Your hands shook and tears collected in your eyes. Your legs wobbled and you desperately reached out to grab the kitchen counter. There wasn’t time to catch your weight before your legs slipped from beneath you. 

You hit the ground with a gasp. For so long, you felt so burdened by the scenario. Throwing knives struck your heart and they had been embedded there for so long. This information was like jerking them out all at once. 

How many times had you been involved in fights along with them? When a parent got too mad and the pendulum of anger swung towards you. You had kept it inside for so long. You were still just their kid, but your parents weren’t there to comfort the unsealed hurt that leaked out. 

Twenty minutes later, Chan sang the latest chorus of the new song that he’d been working on. He sang beneath his breath and bobbed his head. With a clicking tongue and humming of the last few notes, he spun the silver key ring around his finger. 

The two of you always kept the door locked no matter what. Even when the other was home, you still used your keys to get in. It was easier that way and you were anxious about strangers. Chan thought it was a bit silly, but he went along with it to make you feel better. 

He headed inside and kicked off his shoes. He pulled off his bag’s side strap and placed it on the couch. His laptop, hoodie, and an empty bottle sat inside. His tongue clicked again and he bobbed his head while walking into the kitchen. 

He spotted the half sliced carrot and the minced garlic. A few plastic bottles full of spices sat off to the side. Pork belly had been pulled from the fridge and a pan sat on the stove, but you were missing. 

His head tilted and he spun around to go find you. Knowing you, you were probably in the bathroom or you got distracted and went back to the bedroom. The floor creaked beneath his feet and he walked past the open bathroom door. 

The bedroom door was also open and when he stuck his head in, you were gone. Your unspoken name sat on the tip of his tongue, but it never rolled off. His head jerked backwards, wondering if he missed you somewhere, but with another look around the apartment, he couldn’t find you. 

“Where’d you go?” He mumbled beneath his breath. He headed back to the kitchen with a hand rubbing the side of his neck. It wasn’t like you to come up missing randomly. 

He walked further into the kitchen, up to the spices to see if you left a note. It was only then that he saw the hunched up figure off to the side. He frowned and headed towards you. “Whattcha doin’ down there?” 

His thick Australian accent usually made you laugh, but it never came. Sometimes he exaggerated his accent to make you laugh and this was one of those times. However, your usual smile didn’t appear. You were curled against the corner of wooden cabinets with your knees to your chest. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He frowned and crouched down beside you. “Did you hurt yourself while cutting the vegetables?” 

Your eyes were red and so were the tops of your cheeks. Your head weakly shook and the worry in his heart grew. “Then what happened? Why are you down here?” 

“My parents are getting a divorce.” 

He blinked and let the words sink in. He didn’t really know anything about your parents. A breath was sucked in through clenched teeth. “I’m really sorry about that.” 

Your head shook. “Don’t be. I’ve been wanting them to get divorced for a while, but I just-” You leaned down and let your chin rest on the top of your knees. “I don’t know. I’m relieved and I feel miserable about it all at once. A lot of the time, they used me to communicate with one another. I’m happy, but I’m empty and I also feel hurt.” 

“I fought a lot with my dad and I don’t know how to put it all together. There’s a hundred feelings all at once. I’m so happy it happened, but I just…” 

“Wish it happened earlier, so you didn’t have to be involved so much?” 

You finally nodded and swallowed. “Yeah, I guess that’s it. My mom texted me a while ago and I needed a moment to let it sink in.” 

“So you picked the dirty kitchen floor?” He teased you slightly.

“I just cleaned this floor last night.” 

“And it’s such a shame that I might have spilled milk on it late last night.” 

Your head went back up. “You didn’t clean it up? What’s wrong with you?” 

He laughed and pulled away. “I’m just kidding! Of course, I cleaned it up. It would have smelled nasty if it sat and curdled.” He stood up and stretched his hands out towards you. 

“I think this calls for a celebration of sorts. It looks like you were in the middle of making something, so I’m going to help you. Let’s do something to take your mind off it.” 

You reached up and he tugged you up with ease. The moment you were back on your feet, he yanked you towards him. You squeaked  as he wrapped you in a tight hug. 

His forehead found the side of your neck. You tried to squirm away, but he held you tighter. Warm lips softly pressed against your skin. You cried his name and tried to lean back again, but he didn’t let go. 

“Stop trying to escape my love.” His breath was warm on your skin. He planted another soft kiss against your pulse point. “Just let me love my baby.” 

Your head leaned back with a loud whine. “You’re giving me your cooties and it tickles. How am I supposed to tolerate it? I can’t help that I’m ticklish!” 

He giggled and kissed the side of your neck once more before he gave up. His arms remained around your waist and he let his head nuzzle against you. “You know, one day I might marry you.” 

“Oh brother.” 

“What do you mean?” He pulled his head back in mock offense. “We’re going to have the best marriage of all time. Maybe we might even end up with kids.” 

“Too fast and too soon bucko.” 

“Bucko?” 

“Bucko.” 

His parted lips began to turn into a smirk. When you saw the glint in his eyes, you quickly jerked backwards. “Now wait a-” 

“Come ‘er.” 

You spun around and took off. He chased after you with his hands out. His fingers wiggled, a silent threat to tickle you. You shrieked and rushed out of the kitchen. He giggled as he hurried after you. 

Your parents’ marriage might have ended in divorce and heartbreak, but with Chan, you were certain your marriage would be eternal. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

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[jehhskz]

Love Again - Part 2

she fell first, and she fell harder

summary: you just got back to Seoul, and hopefully you'll get back into his heart too

genre: romance, fluffy cliche, second chances, smut

warning: this fic contains smut, so it was made for adults only, MDNI.

jé's note: did a little something super self indulgent, if you read this, please be kind, it's my first time and english isn't my first language. huge thank you for my girlies for all the support, special thanks to @doitforbangchan & @jeonginsleftcheek for beta reading it, your words made me happy. and it got a little big, so i had to split it into 2, the link for part 1

divider by @saradika-graphics

After the passport issue, Joo-wan rearranged for you to go with the boys to Japan. At first you were excited, making plans just like you did for Australia, but now you were desperate texting everyone from the staff team to go on your behalf, but unfortunately, everybody already had their own plans they couldn’t cancel. 

You wanted to cry, you didn't want to be near Hyunjin, you didn't want to hear his voice, didn't want to see him, because you knew you wouldn't be able to hold back the tears, like you weren't now, already feeling them falling down your cheeks. 

You were watching everyone's close friends stories, loving to see the boys partying and having fun, you chuckled seeing the picture Changbin posted of him carrying Hyunjin in their ‘honeymoon’ as he captioned, Joo-wan video dancing to My House by 2PM was amazing, but something you saw in the back caught your attention: Chae-hee going upstairs hugging Hyunjin, your laughing stopped and your heart sank.

Then it was Na-yeon's video with Minho, they appeared in the back again, a new angle, making their way to the stairs, Hyunjin's arm was thrown over her shoulder. But the worst was yet to come.

Heyoon rushed home as soon as she finished her work, finding you crying, curled in your bed, she laid behind you, a comforting hand gently tapping your shoulder as you told her all about it. It all started when you saw the green neon ring, Chae-hee added you to her close friends.

There was a picture of Hyunjin, his back turned to the mirror, you couldn’t see his face, but Chae-hee’s, she was hugging him, head resting on his shoulder and she had her tongue out, looking directly at the mirror as she took the picture. 

Next one was them lying in bed, it was mostly their faces but you could still see the clothes on, he had his eyes closed and a slight smile, Chae-hee was doing a peace sign and winking, she wrote ‘the best day’ on it. 

Then the last one made your stomach twist, it was the day after, Chae-hee made a video, Slow Down by Chase Atlantic was playing, it was blurry at the beginning but it was clearly Hyunjin lying there, peacefully sleeping, then she turned the camera, giggling and blowing kisses, wearing nothing but his robe, the Hyunjin engraved appearing as she stopped in front of the mirror, ending the vídeo. 

Timing's really a bitch. As you saw the grey bar of that last stories coming to an end, you got a new message:

Jagiya: about to catch the flight, missing you 😘

The pang in your heart got worse. 

~ {♡} ~

“Oh my God, Na-yeon!” Chae-hee grabbed the younger by her arms roughly “How many times do I have to tell it's three steps then turn to the right, not to the left!” 

“I'm sorry, Chae-hee. I'll pay more attention from now on” Na-yeon's voice was shaky.

“You better, we are about to debut, mistakes like this aren’t supposed to happen” Chae-hee glanced at the girls, as if warning.

Their music was still playing and the volume was up, so they only realized the door was opened when you stepped in. Chae-hee was still gripping on Na-yeon's arms, her long nails digging on the flesh, she let go of her roughly when she saw you. 

Her grip quickly turned into an embrace, a stupid attempt to fool you or whoever walked in that nothing was happening.

“Oh, excuse me” You said as you rushed to the couch “I forgot my water bottle here” 

Of course, of all the people, you had to run on Chae-hee, you didn't notice her grin when she saw you, so triumfant for the way you and Hyunjin fell apart, but you surely noticed the fear in Na-yeon's eyes, when she glanced at you and then your suspicious were confirmed, there it was: the last strike.

With a last glance before closing the door, Chae-hee smirked, waving at you. 

Enjoy while it lasts Chae-hee, that smirk will vanish your lips really soon, you thought while you waved back and closed the door.

Now, all you needed was to come with a plan to gather proof. And tag along with the Hyung Line for their solo mv's shooting, a full group mv shooting, going to do christmas shopping, attend a birthday party all in the meanwhile keep avoiding Hyunjin. Ugh, the end of semesters can be so tiring.

~ {♡} ~ 

You were acting weird, Hyunjin realized it as soon as you reunited after he came back from Australia, barely hugging him when you met at the company, which at first he thought it was because there was people around, but then you were taking longer and longer to answer his texts, so cold and distant, so different from your usual bubbly self. 

Then, you'd give excuses to not be alone with him and didn't even bring coffee for the boys as you usually did. At first he didn’t pay much mind, you were probably pmsing, Hannah would always get moody around this time of the month, Chan told him.  

But damn, how long does a pms lasts? The weeks were passing and it only seemed like you were becoming more distant, more strange. 

He was looking gorgeous, yeah you thought it all the time, but this time, wearing a crop top, he was just extra good, the sight of his abs making you want to cry, because there was nothing you wanted more than kiss and lick the exposed skin. And he knew it, so the fact you didn't push him inside the nearest storage room was weird af. 

Also, what were you doing typing so fast and with your eyes glued on your phone all the time?

Annoyed, during the break from filming, he grabbed the device from you, his fingers wrapped around your wrist and he pulled you inside a storage. 

“Hey, what are you doing? Are you crazy?” You were surprised as you watched him close the door, lean on his back and scroll through your phone, reading your messages.

“All good… will be great… you know the place?… see you tomorrow… can't wait?” He was reading your texts aloud. 

“It seems like you're being the crazy one here” He stared at you “Are you cheating on me?” 

Hyunjin's audacity was something you always loved, but right now?

It was annoying you beyond limits.

“What?” Your eyes widened as you heard his question, he couldn’t be serious “Are you insane? Of course not!” 

“Then what the fuck is this?” He showed the screen to you, your chat with Min Kyu on display. 

“It's just some work stuff” You shrugged and he rolled his eyes.

“Some work stuff?”

“Yeah”

“Just that?” He insisted, hoping you'd tell him what exactly you've been up to, but instead you just nodded and then stayed silent.

“So this is how it's going to be? We've got secrets from each other now” He scoffed, running his hand through his hair. 

“Yeah, I guess so” You crossed your arms in front of your chest “You didn't seem to care when it was your turn” 

“Oh my God, y/n. Is it still about Chae-hee? I told you, I didn’t tell you she was there because it wasn't a big deal!” His tone was hard, he was annoyed you were still holding grudges.

That was what it was for him, no big deal. He cheated on you, he fucked Chae-hee and it wasn't a big deal. 

“Right, no big deal. The party? No big deal either” You scoffed.

“Yeah, it’s nothing serious either, you get drunk and those stuff happens” 

No big deal. Stuff happens.

You clenched your fists, his luck was him being at work, and being called by another staff that was looking for him. 

“Don't think we're done, because we aren’t” His voice was cold, he was clearly mad at you, as if he had any right to be, you thought. 

But he still grabbed your jaw to hold you in place and gave you a quick kiss before leaving to film.

Proving your heart and brain weren’t connected, you kissed him back and it made you even more annoyed.

You were avoiding him the majority of time and would have left if Hyunjin didn’t predict that and walked away with your phone, forcing you to wait until he finished filming.

Hyunjin was mad because you were being a brat for no reason. If there was a person who had the right to be mad at him, it was Felix, and the boy was completely fine.

No, Hyunjin wasn’t a heartless bitch like you were thinking, it was simply that you and him had different pov’s of what happened in Australia. 

Every story has two sides: what people remember and what really happened. 

You knew Chae-hee and Hyunjin's side, now let's go back to that night and find out who was speaking the truth.

~ {♡} ~

“You're so cute, I'm gonna eat bread” Hyunjin threw himself over Jeongin, disheveling the younger's hair. 

“Noo, leave me alone” Jeongin held his hands, and Hyunjin sniffed him, murmuring against his head that his hair smelled good.

“I think you should stop drinking” Jeongin said as he fixed Hyunjin's posture, sitting him properly on the couch. 

Hyunjin nodded and then leaned on his back. 

“No more drinking” He smiled cheekly.

“Seriously, you had enough” Jeongin laughed.

“Inniee, when am I not being serious?” Hyunjin threw his hands up, then looked at Jeongin when the boy opened his mouth to reply “Don't!” 

After a few minutes, Hyunjin seemed to be fine, he told Jeongin he didn’t need to worry and that he would head to their room soon. He wasn’t too drunk, it was okay to leave him alone, so Jeongin thought he could make a quick stop at the kitchen. 

“Hey there” Hyunjin jolted when Chae-hee sat beside him, making her giggle, she held out a drink for him.

“No, thanks. I'm fine” He waved, but she kept her hand still.

“Please Hyun, I insist” She smiled at him “Just a toast, uh? To celebrate the success of the tour” 

He looked at her and then at the cup. 

“Please?” She batted her eyelashes and he thought why not, just a cup wouldn’t be bad, he took it and she grinned.

“Cheers!” She clinked their cups, eyes locked with his as they drank.

Her breath caught in her throat when his face twisted, but she breathed again when she saw he kept drinking.

Just one drink became a few more, until Hyunjin got tired and stood up, he tripped when he took a step. Chae-hee quickly stood up and held him.

“Hey, easy there, buddy” Chae-hee giggled, placing his arm over her shoulder and wrapping her arm around his waist. 

“C'mon, I'll help you” And just like that, she guided him towards the stairs.

Jeongin saw them going, but since he didn’t know about you and him being together and knew about Chae-hee's interest in Hyunjin, he didn't pay much mind. 

Entering the room Chae-hee saw the mirror next to the door and smirked, she turned Hyunjin to stand facing her, hugging him and quickly snapped a picture. 

Too drunk to notice, he plopped down on the bed as soon as she let him go, and she laid by his side.

Chae-hee tried to lean closer to him, but he turned to the other side.

She tried again, using her hand to turn his face to her but he turned back again. Chae-hee scoffed and sat down, crossing her arms, thinking.

“Hyun, why are you being so cold with me? Don’t you like me anymore?” Chae-hee whispered, looking down at him, Hyunjin didn’t say a thing.

The girl grabbed her phone and clicked on the filming icon, hopefully she could take a good screenshot later. She laid back again.

“Is it because of y/n, isn't it?” Hyunjin smiled when she mentioned your name.

“I remember the way you used to look at me, watch me practice…” Her breath hit his neck, making him chuckle slightly and shift away. 

“You wanted to fuck me, didn't you?” She teased him and he drunkenly nodded, Chae-hee smirked.

“Well, I’m here now, this is your chance” Chae-hee shrugged, seeing he didn’t make a move, she tugged him by his shirt, pulling him closer to her, throwing a leg over his, ‘side straddling’ him. 

He groaned, placing a hand on her waist and Chae-hee smirked. 

“Chae-hee?” Hyunjin whispered and she leaned closer.

“Yes, Hyun?” Her voice was sultry, she closed her eyes, leaning even closer.

“I'm gonna…” But he didn’t finish the phrase, because he started vomiting.

“Ewwww” Chae-hee screamed and scooted away from him like a flash “What the fuck??” 

Hyunjin rolled on his back again, his eyes still closed. 

Chae-hee got off the bed with a jump, her face twisted when she looked at the mattress, but then her gaze landed on the Versace robe thrown over a chair and it gave her an idea.

Luckily she decided to wear a sleeveless top tonight, so when she took her jacket off and wore the robe, positioning her phone on the right angle it gave the illusion she was bare under it. Perfect.

Taking a last glance at him, she assumed he fell asleep, because he didn’t shift. So, Chae-hee took the robe off, threw it back on the chair and rushed outside of the room.

She ran into Felix as she was heading back to the stairs, and he believed her lame excuse of the bathroom downstairs being occupied. He was sharing the room with Hyunjin, and was just about to find his drunk friend there. 

~ {♡} ~

It was usual for some idols to have a ‘favorite’ practice room, some would say the aura was different, it gave them good luck and such things. For Chae-hee, her preference for that practice room was because she heard Jong-ho - her staff - saying the security camera stopped working a few months ago.

After you confirmed your suspicions about Chae-hee abusing Na-yeon, you knew you needed more than words to prove it. Learning the camera wasn't working felt very disappointing, but also made sense why that room was always reserved for LuaX. 

You knew Na-yeon wouldn’t have the guts to expose Chae-hee, so you had to come with a plan C, and that's when you texted Min Kyu, being a software engineer, he surely would know what to do. 

Not telling anyone about your plan was difficult, you hated keeping secrets, especially from Hyunjin, but you thought he would think you were just trying to get rid of Chae-hee because you were being jealous, he also didn’t tell you she was there in Australia, and Hyunjin had a lot of chances to, and then… he fucked her there, and couldn’t even man up and tell you he fucked up and apologise or break up. 

Jagiya: where are you? 

To avoid curious eyes, you and Min Kyu met up at the agency on saturday morning, a day you knew the company would be almost empty. 

“Are you sure this will work?” You asked, watching him sat down on the floor, installing a micro camera inside an electrical outlet. 

“You'd be surprise with the quality” He looked up and smirked “Why don't you pick the laptop, I'll move around for you to check?” 

“Okay” You went to sit down on the couch and put the laptop on your thighs “Is this C34 program?” 

“Yeah, just click and it will start automatically” 

“Alright” You clicked and the vídeo player appeared on the screen, you saw the room and Min Kyu walking around perfectly.

“It's great!” You clapped, watching him jumping around and you chuckled.

Jagiya: what do you mean you aren’t coming tonight?

Jagiya: yongbok just told me

Jagiya: why aren't you replying to my messages?

Jagiya: never mind, be ready at 7, i'm coming to pick you up

You: don’t, i’m not going

~ {♡} ~ 

Hyunjin went, and now it was 7:20, you left him on the couch, but he moved to your bedroom, lying in your bed while you were in the shower, because there was no way you’d appear on the holiday festivities of the team wearing sweatpants. Your little jolt of surprise when you walked in and saw him there didn't go unnoticed by him, who laughed even more when you opened your drawer and closet to pick your clothes.

“You can change here, you know?” He said cheekly “It's nothing I've never seen before”

“No!” Your exclamation before shutting the bathroom's door made him chuckle.

You looked pretty, Hyunjin thought when you came back all dolled up, wearing an army green top and dark wash jeans that matched his and black boots. You were putting on your earrings when he got up.

“You're looking good” Hyunjin said as he stood behind you. 

“Thanks, you look good too” He was wearing a light blue shirt that you were pretty sure was from Versace. 

“I know” His cocky grin appeared. 

You looked at you both in the mirror. He wasn’t supposed to be here first place, but damn, why was it so hard for you to ignore him? Why did you have to be the weakest soldier?

Maybe, just maybe… you had hoped it all was a huge misunderstanding, but then…

You saw the photos, the video, how could you still be so delusional if there was proof? 

And why did he keep acting like nothing happened? He didn't have any consideration for you? 

If Chae-hee didn't post, he'd be fooling you all this time. This realization made your heart sink. 

Chae-hee was still a major bitch, of course, but she actually did you a favor, showing you his true colors.

“Where's your car?” You looked around when you left the house, then turned to face him.

“It's home, I’ll be drinking so I’m not driving tonight” His phone buzzed and he grabbed it from his pocket, he smiled.

“Great, Felix's coming” Hyunjin threw an arm over your shoulder and you shivered, but instead of hugging him back, you crossed your arms in front of you.

“Don't you think you're exaggerating?” You couldn’t tell if he was teasing you or being serious. Either way, it annoyed you.

“I mean, I get you're jealous, it was even kind of cute before, but now it's starting to piss me off” You shifted away from him.

“Well, if I'm bothering you so much, why don't you go out with Chae-hee instead?” You saw him roll his eyes, leaning back against the wall “You two seemed to have so much fun together”

“Damn it y/n!” He ran his hand through his hair and then pointed at you “See? That's why I didn’t tell you she was there, because you'd start a tempest in a teapot” 

“Ohh so now it's my fault?” 

“I was thinking about you and…” His tone was raising, but you interrupted him.

“Thinking about me? I think I was the last thing crossing your mind while you were there distracting her!” 

“I told you I accepted to go out because she was crying, she’s about to debut, that’s not easy y/n, I've been there, I know how it feels!” 

“So being the great person you’re, you were just comforting her…” He nodded, despite your ironic tone “Hyunjin's so great, taking his little friend to get ice cream, yeah”

“I know she wasn't sucking just popsicles!” You snapped and his eyes widened. 

“What do you mean?”

“The party, Hyunjin. Stop trying to fool me, I know everything, Chae-hee posted you and her together!” 

Hyunjin had no idea about what you thought that happened at the party, until now. Damn, he barely had any memories from it, aside from some flashes of him dancing, drinking and the worst headache he ever felt on the next day.

“But y/n, I didn’t… I…” 

“Shhh, do us both a favor and don't even start!” You waved him off, turning away, just a little more and you knew you'd be pathetically crying in front of him.

He didn’t have much time to think or even say anything else, because Felix's car was just turning the corner and driving down the street.

You stayed silent the whole drive to the restaurant, staring out of the window and wiping the insistent tears that would escape, glad your mascara was waterproof.

~ {♡} ~ 

Some of the staff and the boys were already there when you arrived. You made sure to sit with Changbin and Chaeryeong, staying very far away from Hyunjin, avoiding even looking at his way.

Joo-wan was grilling the beefs, Seungmin was making sure no one’s cup was empty and you were concealing your sadness really well, enjoying the chat with your friends. 

During the drive there, Hyunjin tried to remember the details of that night, he remembered Chae-hee being at the party, she had some drinks with her, he tripped and then he was already in bed. He remembered her talking to him…

And that was all. He was sure he didn’t do anything, there was no way, but what the hell were those stuff you said you saw? 

That was the question burning in the back of Hyunjin's head… until the alcohol kicked in.

“Alright, alright. Time to reveal our resolutions for next year!” Changbin exclaimed excitedly.

“Are we finally seeing your abs?” Minho teased, making everyone laugh.

“Wait, what resolutions?” Jisung's eyes got wide.

“I have no idea” Jeongin chuckled. 

“Well, you'd know what I'm talking about if you checked the group chat” Changbin said, annoyed and the boys laughed.

“Which reminds me, where's our list from last year? We gotta check if we achieved it or not” He looked over everyone and nobody had a clue.

“Wait, wasn't Han responsible for that?” Seungmin questioned and Jisung grabbed his phone, checking the notes.

“Oh shit, I lost it” He whined.

“Jisung's resolution: stop losing things!” Minho chuckled when Han cursed him.

“Now Chan, what's your plans for next year?” Changbin turned to the older.

“Okay, let’s see…” Chan thought for a moment “Next year I plan on fixing my sleep”

“I'll learn english!” Minho raised his hand.

And so it went, Chaeryeong was taking notes as everyone would list their resolutions. 

“Next year I won’t let people use me as they please” You said looking directly at Hyunjin and despite being drunk, he understood it right away.

“Ohh that's a good one!” Joo-wan high fived you.

“Next year I'll talk to my partner instead of jumping to conclusions” It was Hyunjin's turn, and he stared at you too.

“Oh yeah, communication’s important” A drunk Jeongin nodded.

“I won’t need to jump into conclusions because my partner won’t give me reasons to be suspicious of him” You looked at him again.

“Yes, we love reassuring men!” Nabi, another staff member, clapped. 

Han and Felix exchanged looks.

“I'll wear more crop tops on stage!” Jeongin said completely oblivious to the tension going on.

“I won’t waste my time with a girl who doesn't trust me” Hyunjin scoffed.

“Yeah, if she doesn’t trust you, she isn't worth it” Joo-wan said and Hyunjin right at you as he nodded.

You couldn’t tell what hurted more, Hyunjin's cold tone or him calling you a waste of time. 

“Oh, you'll definitely have plenty of options to pick, let’s just hope you're smart enough to make the right choice and not let bitches use you again” You hissed and Hyunjin scoffed.

“Okay, this is getting a bit personal” Changbin whispered to Chaeryeong.

“Are they dating?” She whispered back at him and he was about to answer when you stood up and left.

“Uhh, don’t think so anymore” Changbin whispered and they both watched as Hyunjin stormed off after you seconds later.

“Y/n!” You froze for a moment when you heard Hyunjin call you.

“Don't waste your time coming after me!” You started walking again, your heels clicking as you stepped determined to the garbage cans. 

“What are you doing?” Hyunjin shouted when he saw you trying to pull the ring he gave to you. His fingers brushed his own automatically. 

“What looks like I'm doing?I'll throw this off!” You hissed, struggling to take the ring off of your finger. You cursed under your breath, it was stuck.

You tried some more, whining but wouldn’t give up until you took it off. Gazing at him, your closed hand reached the recycle bin and you opened, the ring making a clink sound as it hit the bottom. 

“Y/n, what the fuck did you do?” His eyes widened and he shouted, grabbing you by your shoulders.

He let go of you and went to the bin, trying to shove his arm inside to take it back. 

Luckily all the trash was collected earlier and the bins were sanitized. 

“You know what? Why don't you take the opportunity since you're already there and throw yourself too?” You crossed your arms in front of yourself.

“But not on this one, no, no. Let's be organized, dildos belong to that one!” You kept running your mouth, pointing to the plastic ones.

He ignored you, too worried about taking the jewel back.

“Damn it, y/n. It was expensive!” Hyunjin shouted again, he took a few steps back, running his hands through his hair. 

You shut your mouth, reality kicked in, the ring wasn't a simple one you can buy on those little tents on the street.

It was a jewel, original, a whole year of your salary worth it.

Oh shit.

“Oh my God, I fucked up, I fucked up” You cried out, taking large steps to the bin you threw it and leaning onto it.

In your attempt to trying to reach, you were almost falling inside “I'm so fucked up, I belong in the trash too” 

“Y/n, stop…” Han was making his way coming to you.

“Shh, don’t!” Hyunjin stopped him, grabbing him by his shoulder “She started, now she finishes it!” 

“Dude, what if she hurt herself?” Both looked at you, butt up in the air, half body almost all in, struggling.

“Ugh, okay. Fine” Hyunjin walked to you and grabbed you by your waist, easily carrying you out.

“Y/n, enough!” His voice was cold as he hissed at you.

“Nooo, let me go. I fucked up, I need to go to the trash” You cried out, trying to escape him.

“Okay” He rolled his eyes and opened his arms, letting you go. 

“Hunf, too bad there isn't a bin for toxic garbage here” He scoffed under his breath after seeing you sit down in front of the paper recycle bin. 

“Y/nnie, what are you doing now?” Han rubbed his temples, stopping by your side.

Han sighed when he saw you hug your knees and noticed the tears running down your face. C'mon, he was tired, it was late, he just wanted to go back home.

“Hyunjin said I'm toxic, I'm not worth even being recycled!” You sobbed, pointing at him.

“Dude, what the fuck, why are you being mean to y/nnie?” Felix turned to his friend, and Hyunjin's smirk suddenly faded, giving room for the tears appearing in the corner of his eyes.

“Oh shit, what am I doing?” He snapped and when you realized, he was sitting by your side.

“Don't get near me, I'm radioactive, I’ll contaminate you with my toxicity!” You nudged him away. 

“Y/N, HYUNJIN!” Felix's deep voice brought you both attention to him.

“Oh Felix” Hyunjin blushed slightly, giggling.

“Enough of this bullshit, the both of you. Stand up, we're leaving now!” Felix didn't need to order twice, you and Hyunjin quickly obliged.

Hyunjin started following Felix and you followed Han, stopping in your tracks when you realized they were heading to the same car. Han held you by your shoulders, preventing you from running and led you to Felix's car.

~ {♡} ~

Felix drove everyone to his place, and he and Han helped the two of you to get inside. 

“Shit, they are still drunk” Felix complained to Jisung, as he sat Hyunjin by your side on the bed, the other hands playing with the pedants from his necklace.

“I told you it wasn't a good idea to let them drink that bottle of soju. Why did you have that in your backseat, anyways?” Han looked at Felix with his eyes widened, Felix having a bottle in his car was really random, just like that whole night. 

“Are you an angel, Yongbok?” Hyunjin twirled his finger in the blonde's necklace, whispering, mesmerized with the shining pendant. 

“Stop it” He pushed Hyunjin's hand away and took a step back “It was a gift, I forgot it was there until y/nnie found it and chugged half of it before Hyunjin could steal it from her” 

Meanwhile you were a crying rambling mess, trying to calculate how you'd survive without a paycheck.

“Ugh, they are annoying me. Maybe we should push them under the shower, to sober them up” Han sighed, he was really tired.

“Hey hey, nobody's gonna take y/n's clothes off” He pushed the boys off and stopped in front of you, his hands pushing your jacket off your shoulders “Only I can do it” 

“Stop it! Only my boyfriend can undress me” You snapped and pushed him to the side.

He lost his balance and fell on the bed, rolling on it, he groaned dramatically as if you hurted him. You watched the scene unfold in slow motion: Hyunjin rolling off the edge, your hand reaching out to prevent him from falling, losely grabbing his hair, the strands slipping through your fingers and him hitting the floor causing a thud that made you jolt.

“Oh no, Jinniee. Are you okay?” You peaked over the mattress worried, holding your hand out for him who accepted it. 

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you” You drunkenly cried out, helping him get back and lay down. 

Hyunjin murmured something you didn't understand and threw his arms around your neck, swiftly pulling you to him, making you fall.   

“I missed you so much, love” His voice was low and muffled as he had his face buried in your hair, but you heard it loud and clear, your heart jumped. 

“Me too, jagi. Me too” You softly murmured, a hand reaching up and gently caressing his cheek, he purred.

“That’s just like ferrets sleep, you know? I saw it in the Nature Channel” Jisung chuckled to Felix, who picked up his phone and snapped a picture of you sleeping entangled with each other. 

“Although with those biteable cheeks,y/nnie looks more like a quokka” Felix chuckled, he beckoned to Jisung for them to leave the room.

“Nighty nighty, sweet dreams babies” He said cheekly after turning the lights out and then he closed the door. 

~ {♡} ~

It was past noon when you woke up, the rays of light escaping through the curtains annoyed you, so you decided to turn around and then you realized not only you weren’t at your bedroom but also weren’t alone. 

Although his grip on your waist got tighter, Hyunjin was still sound asleep as you turned around facing him. You opened your eyes slowly and sighed looking at him, sleeping so cutely, a strand of his hair fell in front of his face and you gave in the urge to brush it off, fingertips gently caressing him and he sighed.

So cute, doesn't even look like you test my patience 24/7, you thought, still caressing his face. You leaned a little closer, wanting to kiss him, like you used to do before, but then your gaze fell on your hand, the absence of your ring being a hard confirmation that the last few weeks weren’t just a bad dream. 

“You know it’s rude to stare” His hoarse voice made you jolt and you rolled away.

“I wasn’t staring” You scoffed.

“Yeah, right” He chuckled, his eyes still closed as he stirred up like a cat.

You heard knocks on the door and when it opened, Felix appeared covering his eyes.

“Wakey wakey, are you decent?” He said cheekly and you saw Hyunjin's grin when he tossed a pillow at his friend.

Felix grabbed the pillow and threw himself on the bed, between the two of you. 

“I came to say that lunch's ready” 

“Lunch? What time is it?” Your eyes widened and you covered your mouth in surprise.

“It's 1pm” Felix chuckled and leaned forward, disheveling even more your hair “Seems like you had a great night of sleep” He teased.

“Shut up” You used your pillow to hit him.

“My head hurts” Hyunjin complained and Felix touched his forehead.

“Poor baby, c'mon. Let's eat some lunch, you're gonna feel better” He pouted at the brunette.

As a big fan of their bromance, deep down you were loving the private hyunlix session, but you had to stop watching their chat to go to the bathroom. 

Downstairs, Seungmin and Han were finishing settling the table, the delicious aroma of the food made you float towards the dinner table. After enjoying your meal, you offered to wash the dishes, and while you were drying the plates, something small and shining on the counter island caught your attention.

“Is it mine…” Your fingers were just about to touch the ring when Hyunjin covered it with his hand and pulled it to him.

“It's mine now” His smirk didn't meet his eyes as he put the ring on. Felix and Jisung rescued the jewel earlier this morning.

“Yeah, of course” You whispered, looking down, it would be too much audacity of yours to do that whole scene and still want the ring back.

You weren’t even together anymore. 

You weren’t even together anymore,

wow, it's real and official now.

~ {♡} ~ 

Every night after work you grabbed your fluffy blanket, something good to eat and snuggled up on the couch to keep up with C34 like it was Netflix. As if it was a stupid trick of destiny, nothing happened.

Day after day, Chae-hee seemed to be… Lovely, with the girls. 

Hugging them, hyping them up, bringing them water and snacks, that Chae-hee made you wonder if you were overreacting, if what you saw that day was just an isolated event, but what about the other times Na-yeon seemed to be hurt? It couldn’t be a coincidence.

And it wasn't. 

One night, you were smiling, watching Minho and Na-yeon chatting, then he gave her a quick kiss before running out, the girls appeared minutes later. Your smile stayed in your face as you watched them dancing, they were really good.

Their song was catchy and you were dancing on your spot when it happened, Chae-hee pushed Na-yeon down and the girl fell on her butt. You stopped and leaned closer, paying attention you saw Chae-hee was yelling at her, then another member approached and helped Na-yeon get up, you recognized her it was Ha-ri, she said something to Chae-hee and then covered herself with her arms as Chae-hee stepped up ready to smack her.

You clicked a few times and then the video was saved on the cloud. Your gaze went to the calendar, marked with a star was the date of their presentation pre-debut, which meant they would do a pocket show for the big names in the industry, a little warm up before the actual debut, a little something before their names would drop and their faces would be all over the internet. 

~ {♡} ~ 

“Relax, you're gonna do great!” Minho whispered in Na-yeon's ear, he was hugging her when you walked in.

You laughed slightly when he broke away from her, tapping her shoulder.

“Uh, I'm going to meet up with the boys. Keep up, fighting!” You both waved him bye and you turned to face a tomato-like Na-yeon.

“Ohh, special support from the boys? Sounds nice” You said cheekly and Na-yeon waved her hand in a silent plea for you to stop teasing her and you chuckled.

“So, where's the girls?” You leaned against the vanity, absentmindedly playing with the makeup brushes with your fingers.

“They went grab something to eat and will be here soon” Na-yeon sat on the little couch there and you realized her shoulders were trembling slightly.

“Don't be nervous, Na-ye. Everything will work fine, I saw you dancing and you're really good” You smiled at her and she smiled back.

Na-yeon opened her group's chat and saw a picture Chae-hee sent of the boys waiting for their presentation, the older one made a heart around Hyunjin and sent a screenshot of a text where she basically intimated him to come. She sighed, putting her phone down.

“Y/n, can we meet up for a coffee later?” Na-yeon said shyly, fidgeting the hem of her skirt.

“Sure, I would love to! Coffee's on me, let's celebrate your debut” Seeing Na-yeon's shyness, you assumed she finally gathered courage to share what was happening in her group.

Maybe she was finally ready to ask for help? This would be such a sweet surprise to her, you both would celebrate Chae-hee's departure, but you couldn’t tell her that yet.

But Na-yeon didn't plan on talking about the abuse she has been suffering, the reason she invited you was because she thought you were a good person and didn't deserve what Chae-hee did to you and Hyunjin, so she'd tell you what really happened during their time in Australia.

The door opened and you saw the girls entering, giggling and teasing each other, Chae-hee smirked when she saw you.

“Y/n, what a nice surprise. Came to support us?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for anything” Your smile was genuine, you were really eager to watch them on stage.

You checked on your phone, just a few more minutes.

“Well, guess I'm going. See you later girls, fighting!” You stood up and waved for them, Chae-hee was still smirking, she had no idea.

You met the boys at the auditorium, and it would be a lie if you said it didn't hurt when you saw Hyunjin was there. Okay, all of the Stray Kids were there, but still.

“Hey y/nnie, come sit with us!” Chan beckoned at you, Hyunjin acted as if you weren’t even there as you passed him by.

You sat down beside Jeongin, Hyunjin was two chairs away, you avoided looking at him until the lights were out. 

He had the same idea, peeking over to check on you while you weren’t looking.

“Hello, we're LuaX and we are going to show you our first song, please enjoy it” Chae-hee said shyly, it was insane how different and fake she looked on stage.

Their first mv started being played on the big screen, it was good, they went for a domestic style, mostly of the scenes being filmed by them and it seemed to please the audience. 

Everybody clapped when it ended and then another video started, ‘get to meet the girls from LuaX', some claps and whistles could be heard as flashes of clips from each girl appeared, until it all turned into a full black screen and Ha-ri's name appeared blinking, starting her introduction. 

After Ha-ri, it was Na-yeon's turn and then Chae-hee, you shifted on your seat. It started like the others, showing little Chae-hee dancing in a school presentation, more videos of her dancing as she grew up until the screen went black again and stayed like this for a minute. The staff exchanged worried glances, imagining it was a malfunction.

“What are you doing? Fix it!” Chae-hee whispered between gritted teeth to the intern who was in control of the laptop.

As the boy was about to tap on the keyboard, the image appeared again, but instead of the interview with Chae-hee, what appeared on the screen made everybody gasp. 

Footage of Chae-hee abusing not only Na-yeon, but the others too, yelling at them, harshly stumbling on them during their dances making them fall, gripping them by their arms…

“What the fuck is this? Turn this off, now!” She hissed at the intern and he clicked over and over, but nothing happened. 

Desperate, Chae-hee went to him, palms slamming the keyboard, but the images were still up, so she looked around and ran to pull the plug, the last image appearing was her pushing Na-yeon. 

“I… I can explain… I…” The lights were turned on, Chae-hee stared desperately at everyone watching, but something inside her clicked when her gaze met yours, the smirk on your lips telling her all she needed to know.

She stormed away from the stage, the whispers filled the room, Hyunjin noticed you chuckling lightly, he was shocked. Hong-jo went to hug Na-yeon, checking if she was alright and the girl nodded, then she looked at you and you smiled, she understood it right away too.

~ {♡} ~

“I still can't believe you exposed Chae-hee, I could never imagine we were being filmed” Na-yeon blushed slightly, playing with the straw of her caramel latte. 

You softly chuckled because you knew she was wondering if you saw her and Minho too.

“I had to gather proof because it was a serious accusation” You leaned forward, whispering “But don’t worry, I made sure to save only those parts, all the rest was deleted” 

“What happens to us now? Aren’t we going to debut anymore, is LuaX ruined forever?” She asked after thinking for a moment, was her dream ruined?

“No, no. You, Hari and Ji-soo will debut, don’t worry” Na-yeon smiled, relieved.

“You'll just have to work a lot and harder, because there will be need to erase every single trace of Chae-hee” 

“Thank you, for helping me…” Na-yeon smiled shyly “The girls appreciate it too, they just aren’t here because I needed to talk to you in private” 

“Is there anything wrong?” You put your mocha latte down and looked at her with concern.

“It's about you and Hyunjin” She picked her phone and unlocked it, opening the chat app.

“Oh, Na-ye, I'm sorry but I don’t wanna talk about him today” You looked down and Na-yeon touched your hand.

“No, y/n. It’s really important, listen, please” She said softly and then she clicked play on the audio Chae-hee sent to her a couple days ago.

Your stomach twisted as you heard Chae-hee describing what happened after she took Hyunjin upstairs, followed by her plan of adding only you to her close friends, that way nobody could contest her and you'd break up with him. Hyunjin was telling the truth and you didn't believe him.

“That's why he was acting so nonchalant about it…” You murmured to yourself, feeling the tears coming.

“We had a fight and he said nothing happened, and still I didn’t believe him” You covered your face with your hands, crying.

“Oh y/nnie, it's not your fault, I'd fall for her tricks too” Na-yeon tried to calm you down.

“I didn’t believe him and now he doesn't want me anymore, he said I was a waste of his time” You cried and Na-yeon reached out, gently tapping your arm.

“He's ignoring me, he's probably already dating her now” 

“No, no, they aren’t together, I can guarantee you” Na-yeon shook her head.

“Chae-hee's mad af because she wanted to give him another chance after the er… incident, but he keeps turning her down” She whispered and you felt a little relief.

“He still likes you, y/nnie. Minho told me Hyunjin talks about you a lot” She blushed at the mention of Minho, and omitted the part where Hyunjin's talks about you were all complainings, all that mattered was that he was thinking about you, right?

~ {♡} ~

Hyunjin was surprised, he knew Chae-hee was nice to him because she wanted to pull down his boxers, but he didn’t think she was such a bitch. And he still had no idea what she did to him that night, all he remembered was her helping him get to his room and then Felix changing the sheets and taking care of his drunk ass.

Chae-hee leaving was the hot tea on the halls of JYP, no one knew who manipulated the video, but most of the people praised the one who did, saying if they had the chance, they would do the same. Hyunjin would smirk walking down the halls, he knew it was you right away.

So that was that mysterious work thing you didn't want to tell him. He was still hurt because of that, and a lot of other things too, the top on his list was you not believing him, that’s why he has been ignoring you and pretending you didn't exist, and he thought he was doing a great job at it, but the boys wouldn’t agree since he couldn’t stop talking about you. 

The girls from LuaX were super busy recording their songs again and changing choreographies, but the days were much better now, without a trace of Chae-hee. You were relieved to walk around the company and not run into her anymore, not big on believing in energies and stuff, but the vibes definitely felt better without her there.

Speaking of vibes, yours weren’t the best as you finished packing for Japan. You tried for the last time to change it, but it didn't work, so you were here, zipping up your last suitcase. 

You checked everything in the house one last time, all good, then went out to wait for Felix, you'd both head to the airport together, the boys flew the day before and he stayed because he had an event to attend on the date.

Leaning on your back on the wall, waiting outside on the street, you sighed when you realized your headphone ran out of battery. As you were putting it back inside your purse, a familiar voice shouting your name caught your attention.

“Chae-hee?” You blinked as you watched her hard steps towards your direction. How the hell did she know where you lived?

“You bitch, I know it was you who made that video!” Chae-hee kept shouting and pointing at you, she was coming closer now.

“Yeah, it was me. Did you like my editing skills?” You scoffed, crossing your arms in front of your body and grinning at her.

Chae-hee closed her hand into a fist and groaned as she advanced towards you, in a quick move, you grabbed her fist mid air as it was about to hit your face and smirked. 

“Chae-hee… were you going to punch me?” You pouted, grip on her wrist getting tighter as you shook your head feigning disbelief “I thought we were friends? Close friends even” You mocked. 

“Ughh, let me go!” She tried to pull her hand, and you thought for a moment, you weren’t planning on it, but you saw the car parking near you, so you had to, you needed to take the ride.

Unfortunately, that wasn't yours.

“Bitch!” Chae-hee spat, massaging her bruised wrist after you pushed her away, letting go of her hand.

Chae-hee came ready to punch you again, trying to catch you off guard. 

“Bitch, don’t you ever try to lay a finger on me again!” You said through gritted teeth as you grabbed her wrist again and lifted her arm, at the same time in a swift move you used your dominating hand to punch her on cheek. 

A strangled sound came out of Chae-hee's lips and she fell down, she touched her face, it was stinging really bad and red, you took a step and leaned down, grabbing a fistful of her hair and forcing her to look at you. 

“And just so you know, this one was for what you did to Hyunjin. If you wanna keep that pretty face intact, don’t ever get near him again!” You pushed her and she trembled.

“Now get out of here!” You ordered and she crawled backwards a few steps and then awkwardly stood up and ran away.

You sighed, rubbing your temples, the rush of adrenaline slowing down and you were realizing what happened, your hand hurted.

“Y/nnie, are you alright?” You jolted when you turned around and saw Felix walking up to you.

“Lixie, oh my God. For how long were you here?” 

“Long enough” He chuckled and pulled you into a hug. 

“Oh, that’s embarrassing” You said shyly, hiding your face on his chest.

“Don't be, it was good. You learned it really well” He chuckled. 

When you asked Felix to teach you some taekwondo moves, you were just playing around, but in the end turns out it was very useful.

“Thanks to my Sensei” 

“This is for karate, in taekwondo we say Sabomnim” He pinched your cheeks.

“Then thanks Sabomnim!” You said cheekly.

“That's better. Now, let's go, I don’t want you picking more fights on the streets” He disheveled your hair, and you groaned. 

~ {♡} ~

The moment you stepped in Japan, you changed your mind, you were glad you came, as you looked out of the window, you were excited to go out and explore it all, although fitting your list of places to go and things to do was a real challenge with the busy agenda of the boys.

You and Hyunjin? Well… it was complicated.

In the perfect world, you'd run into his arms as soon as you'd step into the hotel, and you'd tell him all about your talk with Na-yeon and later would be at his room showing how sorry you were for not believing in him. Unfortunately, life wasn't a fanfic and he reminded you that when he ignored you as he passed you by.

But as the days went by, something changed, Hyunjin even quickly grinned at you at the Versace store, during the event he participated and if your mind wasn't tricking you, he murmured to the pinkish fluffly plushie he won, that his new additional's name was now ‘y/nnie’. 

When you texted Heyoon about it, she told you not to get your hopes up - too late. You knew she just wanted to protect you from another heartbreak, one more and you could request a song on that TV show where players who score 3 gols get their favorite song played, but what if this time it worked out?

What's the saying? Third time’s a charm? 

Yeah, maybe you could request a song, after all, but a romantic instead of a sad one. 

~ {♡} ~ 

Few things made you so happy as day offs, sleeping until noon, going to eat out, shopping, today was the day. You smiled as you checked your phone, the time marked 12:20 when you woke up, no alarm, no messages, no notifications, just silence and peace, wow, when was the last time you felt that?

You sat down, lazily stirring up and went jumping to the bathroom, thinking about the stuff you had planned for today. Your day was going great, you checked out almost all of your list, you realized as you placed your purchases on your bed, admiring all the shopping bags laying there.

And to end it perfectly, time to relax, you said to yourself as you walked though the hotel heading to the hot tube. Your smile got wider when you saw the sign written Relax & Enjoy, oh you'd definitely would.

Your eyes sparked when you opened the door, unraveling the coziness inside, the room was large, floor and walls made of wooden with two walls made fully of glass, presenting a beautiful view of a garden, the trees offering privacy to the guests that can enjoy the hot tube or just light up some incenses and meditate on the lilac futon, adorned with fluffy cushions, you wondered if it was okay to take a nap there later. 

You lit some lavender incenses, then kneeled  down, pressing some buttons and stood up again, you let the white robe slid down your figure and you stepped into the hot tube, wetting your foot slowly, testing the temperature before lowering your body down in the warm water, sitting down.

Sighing, would be a lie if you said you didn't wish Hyunjin was there with you, thinking about him made you realize, you haven’t seen or heard from him or any of the boys the whole day. 

“Wow, I can even hear my thoughts, nice” You giggled, leaning back and closing your eyes “So peaceful…”

Being so relaxed, you were almost napping right there, but your peace didn't last long. You didn't hear the crack of the door opening or the footsteps walking where you were, until you heard the sound of giggling and the water splashing around.

“Spoke too soon” You rolled your eyes after opening them and seeing Jeongin, Han and Felix sitting down around you. 

“C'mon, don’t act like you weren't missing us” And there he was, sitting down in front of you, that annoying grin playing on his lips. Your heart skipped a beat.

The whole time, you tried and failed to look away from him, and Hyunjin would often chuckle, not because he thought what one of the boys said was funny, but because he could see his effect on you. The struggle was real, and the boys were noticing too, giggling and exchanging looks.

After what felt like hours, the boys decided to leave, their smirks were unnoticed by you as one by one they stood up, waving you goodbye. You looked at Hyunjin and he shook his head, not making a move to leave, great, you thought.

You laid your head back down and closed your eyes, his soft giggle made you feel butterflies. 

“Heard you punched Chae-hee because of me” Hyunjin broke the silence after some time, you weren’t seeing it, but you knew the smirk was there.

“It was…” You started saying, but he interrupted.

“Really hot…” You looked at him as he approached you “Felix showed me the video, that punch was really good, wish I was there to witness in person” 

“Oh c'mon” You covered your face, embarrassed that Felix filmed the whole thing and especially that Hyunjin watched it. 

“Admit it, you've been wanting to do this since you laid your eyes on her” He teased you, closer now.

You giggled, but nodded, your face still covered.

“I knew it” He chuckled, gently pulling your hands down.

“What are you doing?” You whispered as he held your hands and placed them over his shoulders, leaning closer. You wondered if he could hear your heart beating faster.

“Something you're dying for me to do, since the show last night” He said cocky and before you could say anything, his lips pressed against yours.

Hyunjin's hands went to your waist, pulling you close to him as he teased your bottom lip with his tongue, you gave him entrance and wrapped your arms around his neck, he smiled against your lips when he felt you coming up to sit on his lap, a soft sound escaped your lips as his big hands reached your ass, gripping the flesh hard, pulling you even closer, he groaned as it made you grind against him. 

It felt good, he did it again and again, his hands guiding your hips, while his lips left yours to make a trail of kisses on your neck, going straight to the spots he knew you were more sensitive, licking and sucking on the skin. 

The way you moaned so softly, digging your nails on his shoulder, dragging your pussy up and down on his bulge, adjusting yourself, he knew you were about to come soon and if he didn’t do something quick, he would too.

You whined in protest when he held you in place, stopping your moves and it made him chuckle.

“Oh I'm sorry, did I interrupt your fun?” He chuckled teasingly. 

“Jagiya” He chuckled again, finding your annoyance cute, but he wouldn’t tease you further, not today…

Hyunjin moved you, making you straddle his leg, tensing up his thigh, he helped to adjust you and gave your butt another squeeze, before you started grinding on him again.

You leaned forward, kissing his neck, moans muffled against his wet skin as you kept going, his hands roamed all over your body, until they stopped by the strings of your bikini, working quick to untie them, letting the piece float on the water, hands cupping your breasts, thumbs teasing the sensitive buds. Your legs started getting shaky and your moves sloppy, Hyunjin held you by your hips, guiding your moves as he knew by the way your moans were getting louder and your body tensing up, you were about to come. 

And you did, holding tight onto him, burying your face on his shoulder, you gave it a delicate kiss, lips lightly brushing against his skin, nibbling on it as you came down from your high.

“Let’s move to the fuck futon” He whispered in your ear before lightly nibbling your earlobe, making you shiver. 

“It's not a futon for fucking, oh my God” You murmured under your breath, embarrassed and he chuckled.

Hyunjin gently pushed you off him and you stood up, followed by him and both walked to the futon, you couldn’t help but smile as he sprawled out a towel on it, before beckoning for you to lay down. You obliged, and he kneeled in front of you, hands running up your thighs until they reached your bikini bottom, his fingers hooked on the waistband, watching in awe as his hands slowly pulled the fabric down your thighs until it reached your ankles and then it was tossed behind him. 

“So pretty” He whispered and twiched inside his swimtrucks, that grin appearing.

You wasted no time in wrapping your arms around him when he crawled on top of you, slotting between your legs, he kissed you and his hand started exploring your body again, gripping on your waist, your curves, until it slid down to your thigh, he alternated between caressing and squeezing the flesh, the kiss getting deeper as his touch got bolder, fingertips slowly making their way to your inner thigh, until it reached your middle.

Your own hands explored his body too, feeling his muscles up, pulling him closer, your fingers digged on his biceps as he slid his fingers between your folds, then pressed on your clit, starting to rub lazy circles on it. Hyunjin smirked, feeling how wet you were already, and you moaned against his mouth, nibbling his bottom lip as his finger slid inside you. He pumped it a few times before adding a new one, his lips making a trail of wet kisses to your jaw, then your neck and going down.

“Jinnie…” You moaned a little louder, when he found that sweet spot inside you. 

“Here?” His fingers curled up, and his lips attached to your nipple, tongue swirling around the hardening bud, before he started sucking. 

You nodded, a little breathless, your hand went to his hair, fingers carding through his locks and his free hand slid up, fondling your breast, while he sucked on the other. 

“Don't stop…” You pleaded, hips moving against his fingers that were pumping in and out quickly, his lips latching on your other breast, he kept alternating between them. 

Hyunjin withdrew his fingers and started to rub on your clit, he could tell you were about to come again, from the lightly trembling of your body under him, the way you pulled him closer and kept lifting your hips again.

Just one more rub and you'd be gone, he softly chuckled, when you protested as he stoped his moves completely. You groaned in frustation.

“Ah, don’t worry. You're gonna cum…” He brought his coated fingers to your mouth, slowly sliding the digits inside, your eyes locked with his as you licked his fingers clean off your juices. He smirked and stood up. “...but around my cock”

You watched his hands working fast to get rid of his clothing, clenching around nothing as you saw the pinkish tip glistening with precum. He looked at you, biting into his lower lip as he stroked himself a few times before finding his way back between your legs.

He dragged his cock over your slit, hissing as he coated the length with your arousal. Hyunjin stared at you as his tip teased your entrance, and you nodded slightly, he leaned down, capturing your lips as he slid in slowly, opening you up inch by inch. 

Even though he prepared you with his fingers, it still burned as he got in, your nails digging on his back and your eyes closed, Hyunjin caressed your cheek and started peppering kisses all over your face and your lips, distracting you as he pushed up until he bottomed out. 

The kisses kept going, slowly and sweet. He stood still, letting you adjust to him before he started moving, slowly the burning sensation was disappearing.

“Too big, Jinnie…” Your sweet cry made him push deeper, grinning against your lips.

“Shhh, it's alright. You take me so well, baby” He picked up the pace, going faster.

He held your thigh, lifting it up, the new angle letting him reach deeper, yours and his moans filling up the room. Your nails scraped his back and he hissed with the mix of pleasure and pain.

“So fucking tight” He groaned and you instinctively clenched around him “Oh shit” 

Hyunjin leaned in, sucking on your breast again, earning more moans from you as he moved fast, angling his hips to hit that spot that made you see stars as you moved against him, meeting his thrusts.

He made a trail of wet kisses up until he reached your lips, swallowing your moans, you held him tight against you, clenching more around him and pushing him closer to the edge, so his hand reached between you, finding your clit and rubbing circles against the bundle of nerves. Your sweet moans getting louder and more desperate were like music to his ears.

“I love you” The words easily slipped out of your lips when he broke the kiss, it wasn't a reflection of your foggy mind, consumed by the pleasure he was giving to you. You truly meant it. 

“I love you too” His words made your heart fluster, and you pulled him closer again, passionately kissing him. 

“Jinnie… please” You cried out, breaking the kiss. 

“I've got you, doll. You can cum, now” He rubbed faster.

A thing he loved about you, how easily he could make you cum, it was both exciting and endearing for him, every time he felt you were about to, he would slow down his thrusts and his fingers moves, forcing you to last longer, but now that he was almost gone too, he would let you go all the way. 

“Jinnie, oh shit!” Your legs started trembling, followed by your body, your nails dug on him as you came, almost making him come too, from all the clenching so hard around him. 

He kept rubbing your clit as you came down from your high, his thrusts were getting sloppy and his balls tightening. You noticed when Hyunjin started pulling out.

“Don't you dare!” You said through gritted teeth, wrapping your legs tight around his waist, locking him in.

His eyes widened as he looked at you with surprise, damn, he thought that was hot, he quickly picked up the pace again. Hard, fast, deep.

He groaned against your neck and you felt the warm, white ropes of his release filling you up. You embraced him, legs still wrapped around his waist, keeping him close as he still thrusted a few more times, not letting one drop go to waste. 

The moans were replaced by “I love you's” and the sound of breaths hitched, hearts beating rapidly and in sync, you kissed his hair when he collapsed on top of you, lying his head on your chest. 

~ {♡} ~

You were nervous, after the fog of the moment dismissed. You knew you both would have to talk, you still needed to apologise to him, make everything clear, and all, plus there was a not so small train of thoughts creeping in the back of your head, what if it was a spur of the moment thing? What if he would change his mind after he kisses you goodnight and leaves you at your door? What if he would come back to his senses and ignore you the next day?

Luckily, all those worries were pushed away as he pulled you closer against him, his grip tight on your waist as he moaned, burying himself into your tight heat. 

You hated waking up early in the morning, but that day, you couldn’t be happier to be woken by him. Spooning you, his hard on pressed against your butt, lips teasing your neck, lazily licking and sucking on the skin, and hand shoved under your pajama top, cupping your breast, of course.  

“Damn, doll. This pussy's perfect, just made for me” His thrusts were getting sloppy, and you gripped the sheets, his hand rubbing circles against your clit, making you cry out, calling his name as you came for the second time in the morning.

He came shortly after, gripping on your hips and holding you in place as he filled you up, and as you watched him swing off the bed, admiring his cute little butt as he went to the bathroom, to grab a washcloth to clean you both, you couldn’t help but smile. You could get used to this.  

Turns out, your trip to Japan was amazing.

You realized that as you two spent the last day there exploring and enjoying your time together, like you used to imagine it would be. No, it was better, because this time it was real.

Was real in the way his fingers intertwined with yours, as you walked on the streets; in the sweet sound of his giggles when you said something that he found funny; in the way his eyes sparked when something caught his attention; in the warmth of his embrace, as you watched the sunset in a park before heading back to the hotel. 

And it was perfect, as you received a goodnight kiss, and snuggled up against him to sleep again. 

~ {♡} ~

Every fruit produced here's organic, delivered with love from our family to yours. 

A smiling and sweet old lady said to the camera, as she walked in joining a small group of people standing in the field, holding baskets, each one had a variety of fruit. A girl, wearing a denim jumpsuit, with a straw hat to conceal her face and a basket full of apples, stepped forward.

Take care of your health, start the new year in the right way, with Organic Life. 

You didn't need to see the hat being gone by the wind to recognize that voice, but the scene made everyone in the living room laugh, watching her desperate frown for being recognized, a short desperate shot where you could clearly see she was dropping the basket before the ad ended. 

“So, what is it? Chae-hee's an actress now?” Seungmin wondered, switching the tv channel.

“I thought she was banned from the industry, after everything that happened” Chaeryeong

commented, snuggling up against Changbin on the couch.

“And she is!” Na-yeon picked her mug from the coffee table “That's actually her family's farm, she was forced to get back with them because nobody wanted to sign her” She had a smirk as she said that, ever since Na-yeon knew Chae-hee, the older always told her how much she hated the country life, and that she would leave and never look back. 

“Well, she can be the cows’ idol now” Minho shrugged and everyone laughed.

The group was reunited at Han and Minho's place to celebrate the New Year's. It’s been some weeks since you came back from Japan, you were suppose to be used to reality by now, but as you felt Hyunjin suddenly wrap his arms around your waist, hugging you from behind and nuzzling his nose against your neck, you giggled and realized you were still in a daydreaming state. 

He turned you to face him, everyone gathered in the living room, the last presentation of the night ended and now the singers were starting the countdown. 

10, 9, 8… 

The bright and big numbers flashed on the screen. 

7, 6, 5, 4… You wrapped your arms around his neck, both smiling as you leaned closer. 

3, 2, 1… Your lips finally connected, happy New Year! 

Same night, last year, you were at a party that Heyoon dragged you, closing your eyes and making a wish as the clock hit midnight. Now, one year later, your wish came true.

You and Hyunjin were embracing at the balcony, watching the fireworks.

“Give me your hand” Hyunjin grabbed your wrist and you watched intently as he took his - yours - ring off of his finger.

“I believe this belongs with you” He smirked, sliding the band on yours, then he gazed at you “Just stay away from bin's this time around, okay?” 

“Oh wait, wait!” Han stood up and rushed inside, you watched with confusion. 

Jisung came back a minute later, waving a tiny bottle, you identified what it was when he approached you.

“Super glue?” Hyunjin's eyes widened, surprised.

“Just to make sure” Jisung explained, trying to grab your hand but you pulled back.

“Hey!” You protected your hand, eyebrows narrowing at him before turning to Hyunjin, your tone soft as you talked to him “Don't worry, this ring's never leaving again” 

“It better not, although Jisung's idea isn't so bad” He teased you and you slapped his arm. 

Later that night, the subtle sound of clothes begin discarded on the floor, kissing, giggling and whispering were filling your room. 

“Thank you, for the ring and for letting me love you again” You whispered between the kisses you were peppering on his face, the last being on his lips.

“I'm the one who should thank you, for coming back to my life” He smiled so sweetly, gently caressing your cheek with his thumb, before swiftly rolling you both, lying on top of you and capturing your lips again.

Maybe it's right, maybe wishes do come true, if you wish hard enough.

[emoisthenewemu]

Favorite present! ~ Megumi Fushiguro x GN! Reader

A/N i live for soft boy megumi like SORRY but he is sensitive I don’t make the rules. i love him sm and plan to write more for him in the future.

If you were to ask Megumi Fushiguro what his favorite present was this year, he would probably say you.

Wc:1086

"Meguuumiiii" You whine from the hall, holding a cardboard box full of your friends' presents. Ones you handmade with blood, sweat, and literal tears. In fact, you had begun the project as early as October (before Halloween even).

What at first seemed to be a cute idea of making stuffed animals soon turned into a pain in the ass, taking up most of your free time.  Of course when you and Megumi would see each other you would refrain from letting it distract you but the very second he left or even fell asleep there you went-crocheting away. When he would walk in your dorm after a long day of class?

There you sat, legs crossed and an ever-so determined look on your face. Hunched over in a way that looked painful-which it definitely was because you had been complaining about your horrible back pain for the past two months.

Every time the two of you would FaceTime you would be groaning and sighing, complaining about how it was crooked or you put too much stuffing. That your fingers were cramping or now you need to start all over because it looks just awful.

Oh how annoying it was for Megumi to sit and watch you suffer over something absolutely no one is forcing you to do. He told you countless times to just give up and ‘buy everyone gift cards like a normal person’.

But he soon learned his lesson because every single time he said anything like that it just ended in a speech about how important it is to ‘finish things you started’ and you ‘promised yourself it wouldn’t be another abandoned project sitting in the closet’. Yes, Megumi understands. He still thinks you are insane. And he will tell you so.

“Isn’t that why you love me?” You say and he can only nod.

Megumi loves your tenacious spirit. How passionate you are about the things you care for. How lucky he is to be one of the things you are very passionate about. It is the only reason he continues to support you in your endeavor. As long as you promise you will not be doing this shit again next year. He even puts a cute little Santa hat on and wears matching slippers with you. It only took like five minutes of begging!

The only thing that continues to bother him is that you did not make him one. Surely you would have mentioned it by now. He would have seen it one of the countless times he walked in to find your room scattered with yarn and your many ‘rough drafts’. He would also be lying if he did not admit he went snooping around a few times when you were showering in the hopes of finding his.

Kugisaki is getting a white bunny. A pink bear for Itadori. There’s an animal for Maki, Yuuta, Inumaki, Gojo, a panda for Panda (duh), and nothing for him.

Maybe you forgot. You’ve been so busy making all of them and it must have slipped your mind. You probably did not even think he would want one. He has no stuffed animals in his room or anything even remotely similar. It’s not like he would cuddle it at night and think about you or anything.

So he delivers the gifts with you-with a smile on his face. Whatever Megumi considers to be a smile at least. Even ignoring the comments of how ‘whooped’ he is to be standing there matching with you. A thing he once swore he would never do.

Until he met you. You softened him up like butter. Gone is the aggression that was always his go-to in any situation. The way you loved him made him feel complete. He used to find it absurd that falling in love could change a person.

But you change him for the better. You challenge him emotionally without trying to change who he is deep down. You bring out the best and suppress the worst of him. Oh how Megumi loves you, more than words can describe.

It is your first Christmas together. As a couple at least so he may have went a bit overboard with the presents. He was trying very hard to impress you. He would be deeply embarrassed if he got you a bunch of presents and you got him nothing.

Surely that would not happen. You gave him a present last year. Why would this one be any different?

He is just anxious, a feeling he knows a bit too well. Megumi is an overthinker, sometimes he will let even the smallest things eat him up inside. He is nervously chewing at the inside of his cheek, holding the now empty box as you finish giving away your last present.

You grab his hand, squeezing it tight before pressing a kiss onto his cheek. “Thanks for coming with me handsome. Im so glad this is over” You groan and he chuckles at the exasperated look on your face. “You were so right. Never again” You peck his cheek again and he smiles contently.

Your touch is so comforting he does not even realize the two of you are heading back to your dorm instead of his. Too lost in the warmth of your smooth hands and intoxicating giggle.

It is not until you open the door and walk him inside that he understands that all of his worries were for nothing. Sometimes he forgets that you might love him just the same way he loves you. Maybe even more like you swear you do. He feels almost silly for doubting you. As he should.

Your small twin bed is covered in presents. His presents. They range all different sizes. But right in the middle, atop one of the gifts sits two little crochet figures.

Two wolves, a white and a black one.

His chest is warm and tingly. Megumi pulls you into a hug. Arms wrapped tightly around your waist, his head digging into the nape of your neck-he swallows the lump forming in his throat.

“Thank you” Megumi sighs into your chest, moving up to kiss your neck lovingly.

“Ohh Megs” You chuckle, trying to jump excitedly up and down but his arms prevent you from doing so. They grip you tighter. “You need to open them first!”

And he says something so cheesy he would have thrown up if the moment wasn’t so sweet. “You’re the only present I need”

[possibilistfanfiction]

For the caitvi: dog meet cute

[if u have been here a minute u know i try to give every character a border collie bc they're my passion lol HOWEVER. vi + a big rescue pitty is an actual dream come true. i just rly love dogs & force free handling & nurturing of dogs. so here u go, they are my babies]

//

vi is practically vibrating next to you in excitement, which is endearing but a little unsettling as she drives. she'd insisted you take her bronco, because she's convinced the car will immediately be scratched and dirty inside — which isn't even true, and also she's put more work into her car than you ever will any of yours. still, you'd acquiesced without too much arguing — more for fun than anything else — and then gone through the actual items on the checklist the rescue had recommended. you spent the past day making sure there were no holes in the fence and that the gate properly latched; you'd gotten bowls and the food recommended by the vet you'd found — fear free certified, vi had said after her research, proudly showing you the results of a very nice vet clinic near your new house — and a few toys and balls, a snuffle mat, and a cute little toy you can fill with peanut butter or yogurt for him to lick. you'd gotten a ton of training treats and bully sticks, marrow bones and duck feet; you pick out two comfortable beds to put in the living room and your bedroom; vi had liked a pink harness, collar, and 6' lead, which had made you laugh and then kiss her right in the middle of the pet store; you order a long lead to go with it later that night.

so, by all accounts and purposes, you are very ready.

still, vi is acting more nervous than she had when she'd taken her lieutenant's exam a few months ago, more nervous than when you were waiting to hear back about jinx's acceptance to her graduate program, more nervous than the first night you'd really moved into your house and fell asleep on the couch, sated and spent, in front of the fireplace. you'd loved this house for many reasons, but one of the big ones was its beautiful yard: vi has been looking at rescue dogs on her phone for the entire time you've known her.

'i can't believe it's really happening,' she says, again, as she takes the turn onto the street the rescue is located on.

'we're going to have so much fun, and give him such a good home.'

she breathes a sigh out and takes her hand off the gear shift to squeeze yours. you'd brought it up a few weeks ago, maybe looking into a dog, since you had the space, and you lived together now, and you owned the house, rather than having pet restrictions in an apartment. there had been a million excuses she'd offered, all of them poor and all of them because she was just nervous. you know how well you can manage things, how that's a way you're good at showing your love, and you know how gentle and nurturing v's nature is when given the chance.

she parks and you kiss her gently. 'hey, any dog would be lucky to be raised by rich lesbians with no kids.'

it gets her to laugh, finally, her nerves dissipating. 'speak for yourself. i'm not rich.'

you roll your eyes — it's not a secret that you want to get married one day, that you like making sure that vi — and her family — has everything they need, especially since you make enough money through your own work to not need any of your trust fund. 'rich in love.'

she groans but takes your hand anyway, laces your fingers together before you open the door.

the rescue coordinator and trainer meet you in the lobby, smiling, and compliment vi on her treat bag and the collar, harness, and leash set you'd brought. you had applied for the dog the week before, having seen his picture for one second and then showing it to vi, and you'd watched a soft smile grow on her face. you'd gone through a video call interview, and now all that's left is an in-person meet-up to see if a trial adoption period feels good for both of you and the dog.

he's already alone in the little play yard with one of the other volunteers, and you hear vi sniffle next to you, and then laugh, when you look her way, before getting down on her knees.

'hi, atlas,' she says, as you crouch down too, and it doesn't take even a second before the dog — muscular and goofy, with a blocky head, mostly black fur with a few white spots — bounds over to both of you and bowls vi over with how excited he is.

you laugh, and you get out your phone to take a few pictures; vi kisses his head and you rub behind his ears. you understand that it's important, and good, that the rescue does a trial adoption period, but his eyes are a grey-blue and he has a scar above one of them, and after vi throws the ball and you play tug with him a little, he just lies down half in her lap while she scratches his offered tummy — you know that there's no way this dog is ever going back.

'it's a good thing you're, uh, you know... fit,' the trainer says, a little flustered at the obvious muscles and veins of vi's arms in one of her t-shirts, you think, which, okay, you do understand. 'we're working on his leash skills, still, and he's getting so much better! but he's a strong guy.'

you'd, of course, read atlas' bio: he was rescued off the side of the road, alone, starving and sick, and he's spent almost the last two years at the rescue, cared for, of course, but overstimulated. he's loved his field trips, and he's friendly to kids, other dogs, even cats. he's active, park plays and hikes, but he really just wants to cuddle and sleep. mostly, he's been overlooked because he's a strong pit bull with a big bark. vi had immediately wanted him, even if she hadn't quite said so: you'd understood.

the trainer talks you through helping him feel safe as you put his new harness on, but he really doesn't seem to care at all when you offer him some chicken as a reward after. he licks your face and, admittedly, you are kind of in love already. the trainer plays with him while you and vi go inside and fill out the final paperwork, and he seems more subdued when you come back. but, 'you're so smart, huh?' vi says to him, the second he starts getting excited when she takes his leash and walks toward the exit. he starts whining and pulling, but when you get through the door, your hand in vi's, atlas turns around and jumps on both of you a few times. it doesn't bother you, and it makes vi cry, so you don't even try to coax him away with treats: you just let him feel freedom, safe and sound, for the first time.

//

atlas rides calmly in the car on the way home, watching everything out the window in his little dog car hammock, easily tolerating when you'd secured him with the seat belt extension that attached to his harness. jinx, unsurprisingly, has already come over when you get home, and she laughs and falls back on the ground, letting him lick all over her face, when he rams into her in hello. she slips a custom, thank you very much bandana — a lot of neon pink — onto him and kisses his forehead, but she has class, she pouts, so she promises to be over again tomorrow to play with him.

you and vi show atlas around the house, direct him to some toys; vi gives him a few chew options to see which one he'll pick — a beef marrow bone, no surprised there — and then he settles on the bed in the living room and works on his bone for an hour, both of you just smiling and watching from the couch, before he finishes and lumbers over to you, hopping up and burrowing in between you with a sigh.

vi starts to cry again, which makes you start to cry, and you both just sit there, laughing too, while you pet him.

'you have to know that this is, like, you in dog form, right?' you ask eventually.

'a brilliant and sensitive heart behind a strong, rugged exterior? of course.'

she's using humor to deflect — you both know at this point — but you let her get away with it this time.

//

atlas settles in easily, like he was always meant to be yours, and maybe he was. one morning, when vi is on shift, you take him on his long line to your favorite trail just outside the city and just let him walk and sniff for an hour or so, and then sit with you on the patio of your favorite cafe while you have a coffee. he sleeps and says hello when people ask, and, while he still gets so excited he often knocks jinx and vi over still when they get home, he's so gentle greeting strangers that you have to fight back tears. when you take him to the crag a month in, he makes friends with every person there and then gnaws on a bully stick before sleeping the afternoon away in a patch of sun.

for years, since you'd met vi, she'd had a hard time sleeping: you knew why, and you understood it. you'd tried all kinds of things to help with her insomnia and nightmares: therapy, and medication, and different techniques to ground and calm. it's always been a losing battle, though, things getting worse after long, hard shifts where calls had gone bad; oftentimes you'd get home from a full day at work and she hadn't slept at all since she got home from a 24 hour shift that morning: it hasn't been uncommon for her to go thirty hours without any good sleep for as long as you'd known her.

today, you'd been expecting the same thing: dark circles beneath her eyes, exhausted muscles that still can't rest, a painstakingly cooked dinner she'd prepared to, somehow, in her mind, make up for all of it. you'd talked to her on her drive home this morning, her short responses about the call she'd gone on dealing with an apartment fire in her childhood neighborhood last night telling you more than a robust description ever could.

when you walk in, though, the living room is dark, the fireplace mostly embers. it's cold outside, windy and probably going to snow tonight, so usually she would stoke it for you before you get home. there's no smell of dinner, and you don't hear atlas' paws scrambling to come jump on you in hello. for a split second, you're kind of terrified, before you notice the sound of snoring, and then your eyes find them: atlas is almost completely on top of vi on the couch, one of her hands still on his shoulders and the other stretched behind her head. they're both breathing deeply, soft snuffles and sighs, and you almost sink to your knees right then and there. you have your own demons, your own discussions in therapy and fights with your mom and aches in the middle of the night, but vi spent years of her life in the dark, alone, kept from any love or care, being treated like a dangerous animal. you want to marry her; you want jinx to annoy the hell out of you for years; you want a life with her, forever.

so you wipe your tears and put your coat away quietly, put your bag away and set your computer to charge in the office. you'd tentatively made plans to climb with vi after you'd gotten off work, mostly because it helps regulate her nervous system, even if you're both exhausted. but instead, you ease yourself gently onto the coffee table across from the couch and touch her face, then scratch behind atlas' soft ears.

'hello, my darlings.'

vi startles awake, disoriented, but then takes stock of atlas — who seems excited you're home, from the happy thump of his tail, but unwilling to move, far too warm and comfortable — and her eyes meet yours, a little smile sneaking its way onto her face. 'hey, cupcake.'

'it's nearly six.'

'oh. wow.'

'yeah?'

'i've been asleep for, like, five hours, i guess.'

you both almost burst into tears, but you kiss her forehead instead and say, 'shall we order in? movie night? it looks like mr. atlas here doesn't want to give up his prime spot.'

vi rubs her thumb along your cheek, always adoring, always gentle. 'ramen?'

'you drive a hard bargain.'

you don't talk about it further then: you go change into a pair of shorts and one of vi's sweaters, and atlas pouts but makes room for you on the couch too, eventually resting his head in your lap, and you put in your typical ramen order on your phone before vi picks a movie you'd both wanted to watch and had missed in theaters. she gets up, eventually, to open a bottle of wine for you and grab a beer for herself, and to put a new log on and then stoke the fire, before curling back up into your side.

'you know, i've thought about his name.'

'yeah?'

'jinx has come up with, like, seven thousand nicknames, some of which he responds to because she feeds him cheese all the time.'

vi rolls her eyes, but you laugh.

'but, you know. the weight of the world, and all that.'

'like i said, you in dog form.'

vi shakes her head but it becomes common occurrence, as the weeks and months and years go on, to come home to her after a shift, held down by altas, happily resting with her: a peace that's hard-found and even harder-earned, a companion for it all.

[wlwxreader]

Queen of the Wilderness

not my gif

Yandere!Lottie Matthews x fem!reader

Summary: After the crash, came the need for survival. And with that, came the hunger. When you get selected as The Queen of Hearts, your girlfriend Lottie does everything she can to keep you safe, and starts to think of you of some kind of almighty being

Warning(s): obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, cannibalism, mentions of blood, Lottie being a cult leader, power dynamics, protective!Lottie

Word Count: 2.6 k words

Request: here

A/N: might make a part 2 idk

Masterlist: tba

You had lost count of how many months you have been stuck in the forest with your teammates.

You used to keep a very precise count. Every time you woke up, you would add another number to the figure. You would repeat it throughout the day, like a mantra that kept you sane.

You stopped counting when Jackie died, and Lottie started to talk about the Wilderness.

It made no sense to keep count anymore. No one would ever come to rescue you. You didn’t want them to, after what you had done. You all had broken a sacred human oath; you had eaten human flesh. Your soul would be forever tainted. It was only fair that you had to live the rest of your days like that, always hungry, always weighed down by your mistakes.

Lottie had changed too, but in a way you didn’t expect to. She was the leader of the group now, always keeping everyone on check.

She also kept them fed.

You never questioned her. You knew her. You knew she was doing whatever she could to keep the group together, and alive. You had known her your entire life, you knew she wouldn’t hurt a fly.

You knew it.

So when they started doing the card game, and she was a willing participant, you knew it was for the best.

“We have to do it, Y/N,” she whispered quietly, rubbing your back as you dry heaved over a bucket. You were in the attic, it was late at night. You could see her silhouette only because of the moon light, shining through the naked trees.

“I know,” you whispered. You moved away from the bucket. No matter how much you hated yourself, your weakened body couldn’t bring itself to throw up.

You had just eaten a person, and you were so hungry you would have gone for another round.

“Come here,” she whispered. Her hands were cold, but when you rested your head on her chest, she was warm. So damn warm against the coldness.

“I hate it,” you said. You wanted to sob, but were too tired to do so.

“I know, baby.”

Her voice was soft, unlike when she talked to the group. With you, she was still warm, she was still Lottie.

“What do you think we would be doing now, if the plane never crashed?” you asked. You used to ask a lot of questions lately; you needed to hear her voice, so it would drown out everything else.

“We’d be in college,” Lottie said. She ran her hand through your hair, and you sighed. “We would be in the same university. I would’ve gotten us a place close to college, and we would be living together.”

“You think?” you asked, sleepily.

“Yeah,” Lottie said, with a certainty that made you feel relaxed. “We’ll always be together, baby. Always.”

You hummed, closing your eyes. You fell into a dreamless sleep, and Lottie allowed you, sitting down on the floor. When she was certain you wouldn’t wake up, she carried you to bed and put all the blankets she could find over your body.

She left the attic with a kiss on your forehead. Almost everyone was already sleeping, laying as close to the fire as they could be. Natalie was laying against one of the walls, deep in thought.

“Have we run out of meat already?” Lottie asked. She crossed her arms, waiting for the blonde to reply.

“We have food for tomorrow’s lunch,” she said. Her eyes were on the rifle, as if she was considering how crazy it would be to get out in the middle of the night to find an animal.

“That’s it?” Lottie looked out the window, as she too was wondering the same thing.

“Yeah,” Natalie sighed. She looked reluctant to even speak the words. “Tomorrow, we’ll have to play again.”

Play. Lottie almost laughed at the word. They haven’t played in too long. Not even since the plane crashed.

“Okay,” she said instead. “I’ll work on it.”

Lottie came back to the attic, and laid down beside you. She put her hand on your cheek, and smiled when you moved closer, seeking her out even in your sleep.

Lottie knew what they were doing, what she was doing, would be considered psychotic if anyone outside of the group were to find out. But they couldn’t hear the whispers that came with the wind, they couldn’t feel the hunger that stuck like cheap gum on long hair. They couldn’t, but she could, and she knew she had to listen to the wilderness to keep you alive.

You were the most important person in her life. You were her lifeline. When she first saw you, her breath had stopped for a second. She had wanted you ever since, and had done everything to ensure you stayed by her side. She had the means for it. Especially now, in the middle of nowhere, with a group of people that would do anything she asked for.

“I’ll keep you safe,” she whispered against your hair. “I promise.”

The Queen of Hearts.

The card stared back at you, almost mockingly.

You swallowed hard, looking around the room. You wanted to take it all in, the tranquility of the cabin before you turned the card around and everyone would be craving your meat like wild animals.

Your eyes caught Lottie’s. She looked beautiful, with her antler crown and her dark brown hair falling on soft waves. She looked back, always aware whenever you looked at her, and the smile she gave you froze midway when she noticed your face.

“No,” she said, arms falling down to her sides. All strength seemed to leave her all at once. While the others kept choosing a different card from the stack, she walked up to you in fast steps.

“Run.”

You looked into her wild eyes, feeling her fingers digging into your arms. You blinked once, twice, and then once more, and before you knew it, the card was on the ground and you were running towards the door.

“It’s Y/N,” Shauna said. She looked detached, gone. Her eyes no longer had any warmth in them.

“Fuck,” Natalie said, looking at Lottie. She rushed to grab the rifle and held tight onto it, making sure no one else would grab it and use it to hunt you.

“She can’t get away,” someone said, and it was as if a light switch was turned on.

Everyone except Lottie and Natalie left the cabin, searching for you. They screamed your name, running in different directions to find you.

“This can’t be right,” Lottie said, completely out of it. She stared at the door, eyes out of focus. “Y/N is mine. They wouldn’t hurt her. The wilderness promised. I promised.”

“I—” Natalie was lost for words. She had never been okay with anything they were doing. She felt guilty; if she had managed to find enough food to keep everyone well fed… “I’m so sorry, Lot.”

Hours went by, and you remained hidden.

You moved stealthily, remembering all the advice Nat had taught you in those times you hunted with her.

Keep your head down. Use the woods to your advantage. Never look back, always move forward.

You did as she had told you all those weeks ago. You could hear them all around you, steps that never flattered unlike yours, screams that called for your blood, for your death.

You kept going, until you fell down. You almost moaned, but held yourself back in time. If they heard you now, it would be over.

You looked at your foot, grabbing it. It hurt like a bitch.

Something moved to your left, and you ignored the pain to get up. You couldn’t fight anyone sitting on the floor.

Instead, you found yourself staring at a white hare. You blinked in disbelief. It couldn’t be possible. Nat and Travis had said time and time again there were no animals left to hunt.

So why was a hare right in front of you?

You watched as it dug into the snow, disappearing from sight. You crawled towards the place the animal had just been at, and you noticed a small hole. With desperation, using the last remaining rays of sunlight, you moved the snow away, trying to find what you thought could be your salvation.

The hare’s den.

Your hands were numb and freezing by the time you found it. There were at least ten of them, piled up together in their home to keep safe from the cold. You felt sorry for a second before you reached for the first one, wasting no time to twist its neck.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered as you sobbed. You took off your jacket, and laid the animal there. You did the same with the others, only thinking of how long they would keep the group fed.

They wouldn’t go rotten for a while if you kept them by the snow, and someone could make broth with them. If the group was smart, the animals laying on your jacket would keep you fed for well over a month.

You got up when you were done, trying not to think of what you had just done with those innocent hares. Your steps were clumsy and uneven, what with the snow and your throbbing ankle. You took a big sigh, and walked back to the cabin, hoping you could explain yourself before you were attacked by someone, anyone.

When you saw lights by the cabin, you almost went back into the woods. They had regrouped, probably arranging themselves into different groups to cover the entire forest until they found you.

Taissa was the first one to notice you, limping toward the cabin. In a moment of loyalty you had thought long forgotten, she shut her mouth and turned back around, giving you some ahead time to run.

But you didn’t. You moved forward, stepping loudly so everyone could hear.

“Y/N,” Lottie said, out of breath. She ran towards you, wrapping her arms tightly around you, knees deep in the snow you had just fallen to, incapable of holding yourself up anymore.

You knew then, with the way she was holding you, that she would die protecting you. She wouldn’t move away from you even if they crawled at her skin until they reached muscle and bone.

“Lottie,” Shauna said, almost weary. “Move away from Y/N.”

“You won’t take her away from me,” Lottie said. You had never heard her sound so fierce.

“We need food,” Misty said.

“I have food,” you said. Your voice was muffled by Lottie’s chest.

“What?”

You moved away from your girlfriend, and rested the jacket on the ground. Silence was the only response you recieved.

Everyone looked at the hares, in complete confusion.

“It’s not possible,” Natalie said. She kneeled down in front of you and grabbed one of the hares, as if to check if they were real.

“It is,” Lottie said, with a conviction that made you furrow your eyebrows. “Y/N has brought us food. She’s the Wilderness’ daughter.”

“What?” Shauna asked, looking between you and the hares.

“Can’t you see?” Lottie asked, getting up. She faced the entire group with a smile on her face. “She is mine, and she is protected by the Wilderness. The Wilderness is her mother.”

You wanted to shake your head, to tell Lottie to shut up, but you were still in shock. In a few days, you would process everything that had happened and finally understand the severity of the situation, of just how close you had been to being hunted by your own friends, but at the moment you couldn’t think of anything except how scared you were, so you just allowed Lottie to wrap her arms around your forearms, trying to help you get up.

“My foot,” you complained.

“Someone hurt you?” she asked, sweetly. Too cheerful given the situation.

“No.”

But Lottie didn’t hear you. She got up again, looking at the crowd with fire in her eyes.

“Do you see what you have done?” she asked. “You hurt her. You know what would’ve happened if someone had taken her from me?”

The group remained silent, looking at Lottie as if they were mesmerized. A few of the girls had kneeled down to grab one of the hares, them checking too if they were real, and had stayed there, kneeling in front of your girlfriend.

“Everyone would have been killed by the Wilderness. She has been benevolent this time, allowing you to hurt what’s mine and still keeping you fed. But it won’t happen again.”

You looked in disbelief as everyone nodded.

“Now go work on dinner, and be thankful for the food she has brought.”

To your utter surprise, Lottie grabbed you bride style and lifted you up. She made you rest your head on her shoulder, and carried you back to the cabin. 

“I’m sorry, darling,” she whispered as she sat you down in one of the chairs that were by the fire. She kneeled before you, and took off your shoes. “I should’ve kept you safe. You shouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

You watched as she got up to get the little medical supplies there were left. She kneeled and grabbed your swollen foot, and left a kiss on your shin.

“I’ll do better next time,” she promised. She wrapped some bandage over the afflicted zone, apologizing when you complained. “I will. No more card games for you. No one is ever going to touch you again. No one but me.”

“Lottie…”

She gave you a smile after she was done with the bandage. It was slightly crooked, and a little tight, and she knew she should have asked Misty to do it, but she would rather die than see another woman touching you.

You were hers. She could finally understand— it had all happened for a reason. The two of you meeting, you joining the football team, the plane crash… It was all for a reason.

“Don’t you see, baby?” she asked, eyes wide open. A smile split her face in half, making you slightly uneasy. “You are mine. My queen. The child of the Wilderness. We both look out for you.”

On any other day, you would have been combative. You would have told her she was overreacting, and that she should calm down. That the entire thing was maddening, and it was no one’s fault.

But you were so tired, and your leg hurt, and you wanted to cry over the betrayal you had felt when your friends had tried to kill you to eat you.

So instead, you nodded, and followed her back to the attic.

“My baby,” Lottie wrapped a jacket around your shoulders. “You must’ve been so cold. But not anymore.”

She kissed your shoulder when you laid behind her on the bed, and you allowed her to hold you through the night.

Lottie smiled when she felt your breath slow down, indicating you had fallen asleep.

She could hear noises downstairs. The girls were already preparing dinner. She would go down in a while to grab food for the two of you, but until then, she held you tight.

[little-miss-fandom-freak]

More Time

(Rick Flag x Fem!Reader/ Rick Flag Sr x Platonic!Reader)

Summary: Rick Flag Sr finally meets his son's fiancée, unfortunately it wasn't the way either it them had imagined it

Warning: MAJOR ANGST!! Talks of drugs, addictions, and stippers as well

Every parent's wish is to be able to watch their child grow into an amazing person and to see them reach this achievement before their passing. No parent should have to attend their child's funeral. Unfortunately for Rick Flag Sr., life had different plans.

He debated all morning on if he even wanted to attend the funeral. No one would have blamed him if he didn't. There wasn't even a body to bury, but he wasn't a coward. So there he was, sitting in the front pew, watching Amanda Waller give her goodbye speech to her best soldier. Many people were whispering about her stoic demeanor, not realizing that this woman hadn't shown emotion in her entire career and wasn't going to start now. Rick had already given his speech, so at this point, he just wanted to leave. And he was about to do so until the pastor approached the stand.

"There is one more person who would like to send their goodbyes to Richard Flag. His lovely fiancée." Rick's eyes flickered to the stand. A younger woman slowly made her way up the stairs. She was shaking, like a scared lamb. Her eyes were puffy and red from the tears she had been shedding all morning, and her voice was tried and sore from her cries. Rick knew his son was supposed to get married before his death, he remembered the day well. Rick Jr was to be deployed to Corto Maltese with his new Task Force. When he mentioned his engagement, Rick was over the moon with joy. Rick Jr wanted his dad to meet the love of his life when he got back from the mission. That day never came.

The woman at the stand let out a shaky breath before her soft voice spoke. "Richard was... an extraordinary man. He was a brave soldier who fought endlessly for our country. He... he would've been, an amazing husband. He cared deeply for everyone around him, he'd give the clothes off of his back if it meant helping someone in need. He put his life on the line for so many people, even for those he didn't know..." She took a moment, choking back a small cry before she continued.

"If there's one thing about Richard that everyone knew, it's that he took pride in his country. He was a true patriot, even till the end... For the longest time I resented that part of him. All of the birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays he missed because he was called in for duty." Rick didn't miss the glare she shot at Waller, who sat near him in the front pews.

"But that was just who he was; fiercely loyal and willing to fight for what he believed was for the betterment of others... but sometimes-" a small cry came from her. She sharply inhaled before continuing, changing the topic before she got too wrapped up in her thoughts. "As realistic as he was at times, Richard always tried to see the best in people. He first person to see me as someone more than my career, someone more than my struggles. He even helped me get back into school. That's why I fell in love with him... but I guess our love wasn't meant for this world. Maybe in another, we make it..."

She turned to the empty coffin and placed a singular rose on top of it. "Goodbye, Richard. My heart dies with you..."

After the ceremony, everyone gathered outside to disscus the location of the wake. Rick decided he wasn't going to attend, he's delt with too much for today. He did, however, wanted to speak to his son's fiancée before he left. When he finally spotted her, she was already getting in her car, likely to head to the wake. Rick sighed, realizing that he didn't have a choice but to attend the wake.

When he got there, the wake had already begun. It was peaceful, but the tone had shifted to a lighter one than the funeral just an hour before. He shifted his way around the community hall, asking around if anyone knew where the girl had gone. He tapped the shoulder of a young woman. "Excuse me, ma'am-"

The woman whipped around. "Ma'am?! I am not that old!" Rick was startled by her appearance.

"Wait, are you Harley Quinn?"

Rick sighed. "I'm his dad."

She chuckled. "Guilty! Now I know what yer thinkin'; "Harley Quinn?! How'd you escape prison?!" Jokes on you, I didn't! The old bitch, Waller, gave me few hours out of the old cell to pay my respects. Who are you? How'd ya know Flag?"

Her cheery, peppy demeanor changed. She shoulders sunk and her smile became one full of sorrow. "Oh... I'm real sorry bout yer loss. Ricky was a good guy... probably the only person who didn't treat me like shit when I was locked up. He even visited a few times, just to check up on me... I'm gonna miss the guy, even if he was a little stuck up" She said with a sorrowful chuckle. "You raised a good man, Mr. Flag."

Rick nodded; he never realized how big of an impact his son had on people. "I'm looking for his fiancee."

"Oh, Y/n? I just saw her, I think she went out back for some air." Rick gave the young woman a pat on the shoulder before he made his way out back

Pushing past the crowd of people, he took a step outside, the fall wind hitting his face as he looked around for Y/n. He spotted her on a bench a little ways down, scrolling through old pictures on her phone.

~~~~

"Man, couldn't take of your hat for a single picture, huh Richard?" You said with a chuckle, scrolling through your gallery just to see your fiance with some kind of baseball cap on in each one.

"My son always did appreciate a decent baseball cap." You turned behind you, standing there was the older man from the funeral. Richard's dad.

"Oh, hi. We haven't met yet." You raised your hand and introduced yourself.

"Rick Sr., I'm glad I can finally put a name to the face." He said as he sat down beside you.

"I can say the same about you. Richard spoke very highly of you. It's unfortunate that we had to meet like this."

"It is..." The two of you stayed silent. You went for you bag and pulled out a small flask. Handing it to Rick, he raised his brow. You shrugged. "I couldn't come sober."

Rick nodded, accepting the flask. "How did you meet my son?" He asked as he wiped his mouth. "He never shared the details. Always said its better to hear in person."

She chuckled softly. "He would say that..." She took a sharp inhale before she spoke. "I was a stipper-"

Rick chocked on the rum inside the flask. She let out a laugh, chuckling as Rick wiped the liquid from his lips. "Don't worry, we didn't meet at a strip club. We actually met at a farmer's market of all places. He was looking for some preservative to bring before he was diployed again, and I was wandering around town before my shift started. I accidentally ran into him and we dropped all of our stuff. We hit it off instantly. I actually skipped my shift to hang out with him, He always called it our "unofficial first date." He didn't consider it an actual date because he didn't pick me up from my house, we didn't go somewhere nice, nor was rither of us dressed in "date attire"... God my life was such a mess before him."

"How so?" Rick asked as he passed the flask. "If you don't mind me asking."

You took a sip and sighed. "Before I met Richard, I was a mess. My job was great, I made good money as a stripper but... I had an addiction. Heroin. He didn't know for months but wheb he found out I was so sure he'd leave me. But he didn't... he stayed. He stayed with me, visited me every day while I was in rehab. He never gave up on me... you raised a good man."

Rick nodded. "That kid... he was something else. He the only good thing in this god forsaken world, the only spark of light in my dimmed out life."

"He was a beacon of light to all. Hell, if it weren't for him, I'd be dead from an overdose by now..." You took a big swing of her flask. "Maybe I was supposed to. Maybe this is karma's way of getting back. Because no one, as wonderful as that man, should've been taken from this world."

Rick saw the anger in your eyes as your grip around the flask tightened. Cautiously, he placed his hand over yours. Your eyes flicked up to him, tears threatening to spill. "Why did he have to be a hero?... Why couldn't he have been a peice of shit like the rest of us? Why'd did he..." a sob escaped your lips. "Why did he leave me?"

Rick pulled you into his chest as the tears and cries left your body. You trembled against him, all of your emotions were pouring out into one motion. The two of you stayed like that for a while, neither of you knew how long but neither of you cared. Finally, someone knew how the other felt. It was refreshing for you; to finally have someone you could cry to without feeling annoying or judged. You didn't have your family; your dad died years ago and your mom practically disowned you because of your career choices. This was the first real comfort you've received in a long time.

~~~~

After the wake, Rick walked you to your car. He hung by the door as you got in. Pulling a pen from his pocket, he gently grabbed your arm and wrote something down.

"My personal and work number. If you ever need anything, call me. Doesn't matter the time or day, I'm here for you kid."

You looked up at him with a wide smile. "God you're gonna make me cry again." The two chuckled as you tried to wipe away the tears. Taking a step out of the car, you gave Rick one last hug before you made your way home.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

This was a a little idea I came up with last night. I read that the VAs in Creature Commandos are going to play their characters irl so I compared Rick Flag Sr and Rick Flag Jr and...

PEAK casting, I applaud who ever did this 👏

[rosiarie]

2025 intentions

this year was a blur for me. i've died and been reborn more times than i can count. in all, 2024 was a year of change. i learned so many things, fell in love for the first time, and i've changed as a person. i was my most happiest and the most sad i've been. what i've learned is that time waits for no one, and in the time that i am alive, i want to live a life i am proud of. to be pure in the face of adversity is a strength i wish to keep. <3

here are my intentions for 2025:

quotidian:

wake up early - my earliest class next quarter is a 12 am, so i want to wake up early enough to eat breakfast at the dining commons and before the bathrooms are cleaned - around 9:10 am - to get ready for the day. i've noticed that my best days are the days i wake up early, wear a well-planned outfit, pack my bag diligently, and eat breakfast. i feel like i haven't wasted the day.

eat 3 meals a day - i struggled with eating breakfast as a first year my first quarter since i had a 10 am and breakfast closes at 11 am, so i skipped my breakfast every day. i only ate breakfast four or three times! counting weekends too. this is clearly unhealthy, and i noticed it took a toll on my health, sleeping schedule, and academic life.

sleep before 12 pm - my sleeping habits have been soso unhealthy and doom scrolling has just worsened it. i will allow myself the pleasure of still doom scrolling some nights, but i will not allow myself to sleep late anymore. it is very unhealthy, and it wrecks the rest of your next day, too.

journal daily - journaling daily was never one of those things i cared for. i've always cared about journaling, but i've always prioritized journaling as a weekly chore. i want to start journaling every night, at least three sentences, about something that stood out to me about the day. un petit souvenir à souvenir. i always journal in a narrative sense (i can make a post more on this!) rather than a "what i did today" which i am so glad i do because it makes reading back so much more fun!

read every other day - i've (so far.. there's still a few more days of 2024!) read 19 books in 2024, which to some may be a grand lot, but i have read so much more in the past! i do enjoy reading so much, but it feels more like a hobby now than a habit (which it used to be). i used to enjoy reading in the sense of just immersion, and i would pick any random story i was curious about. nowadays, i seem to find myself reading only one genre, which i want to change. in 2025, i plan to read more nonfiction texts and other genres; books that'll teach me things as well as novels for pleasure.

gym 4x a week - it's true what they say, physical exercise 100% helps boost serotonin levels and health in general! going to the gym more will help my mood, sleep, and confidence. i want to work on my body before summer, and look as good as i feel. i believe in myself to gain the body i want!

less partying - as a college freshman, you are kind of pressured to go out and party (mostly by your own fomo than from other people). it's what you think you're supposed to like. but i've come to my own conclusion that though partying can be fun, it's not something that i want to continue to do every friday. being hungover on saturday, not being able to do any work, and cramming all of sunday evening has been damaging to both my health and grades. i want to set my intentions of going out better, maybe once or twice a month when i know i can relax or genuinely want to. even if i feel like "i've earned it", if i don't really want to experience the side effects, i won't. that also makes partying during special occasions like halloweekend, st. fratty's day, and sorority/frat mixers to name a few more fun !

less entertaining things not meant for you - as a college freshman, i've had countless guys coming up to me, dming me, and asking me out. i either refrain from dming them back or softly reject them. but with some, i have talked to a little or gone on a date or two. though it's good practice, honestly, it was a waste of time. like any girl, i would love to have a caring and intelligent bf, but it isn't something i want to actively seek. my education and self-improvement have to be at the forefront of my mind, and i'm taking men out of the picture. until i meet the right man who meets all my qualifications, no matter how good-looking or charming a guy is, if his intentions aren't pure and his presence is not bringing actual value into my life, i'm not entertaining it no longer.

academic:

start early on new material before class - there was a girl in one of my classes last quarter that told me she would review the chapter before our prof went over it in class. i told myself, i'm going to do that now! but i never did. she understood the concepts soo well in that class, and i want to implement this trick to help me next quarter too!

pack my bag the night before - i'm always missing my hand cream or a water bottle in my bag when i pack it before class. doing this saves sm time and is much more efficient than running out of your door late!!

study everyday - no more cramming - i've always been a procrastinator and crammer. i fooled myself into thinking studying the few days before helped better, but honestly, that only helped my short-term memory retention skills. long-term understanding > short-term memory. i mainly want to study economics daily, but also languages, such as retaining french (non-native but fluent) and learning chinese (beginner!).

more study dates - now this can get a little iffy because sometimes studying with friends leads to being distracted from your work. but personally, i've spent my first quarter as a college freshman studying mostly with myself. i regret this so much because it is so fun when you do study with friends [that know when to lock in]. eating afterwards, getting a sweet treat, chatting a little, are all ways to keep yourself sane while studying.

anyways,

that's all for today. let me know what kind of posts you guys are interested in from me. this is my first "real" tumblr blog post, so pls be nice lol ! i would love to hear from you guys :) i will probably post 2-3x a week.

remember that you are protected. no weapon formed against you shall prosper. bisous!

[suratan-zir]

Okay, you wanna hear a real horror story related to the blackouts? I wasn’t going to tell it, but it’s been a few months now, and my initial shock has passed.

Autumn. It was a dark evening, long blackouts, chilly in the room, with a candle as the only light source. We were watching a movie on the laptop, and we brought the rats with us onto the couch to keep them warmer. As my husband was taking them out of the cage, he left the lower cage door open. It’s a fairly large cage ("Savic Royal Suite") that opens fully on the front side.

I had recently put a big blanket in the lower half of the cage for them to play in and stay warm.

As the movie ended, my husband put the rats back into their cage, closed it, and we went to sleep, still in the darkness. In the night, through my sleep, I thought I heard some faint meowing, but our cats often meow for no reason, so it didn’t fully wake me up.

I didn’t have anywhere to be that morning, so I stayed in bed for a while. When I finally woke up, the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was my cat INSIDE the rat cage. It was only a second, but I had so many thoughts running through my mind, one scarier than the other. Nightmare.

I knew she probably wouldn’t be able to kill the rats, even if she wanted to - Remi is an older cat and a rescue, she has almost no teeth left. She’s also never wanted anything to do with the rats. What had happened was that she got into the cage through the open lower door to get warm, fell asleep in the blanket, and, as it was dark, was locked in there without us noticing.

Our cats never interact with the rats in any way, they aren’t even allowed to stand too close to the cage. They don’t look at it, sniff it, or anything. Naturally, rats are terrified of cats.

My biggest fear was that the rats would die of a heart attack from the stress. I jumped out of bed, got the cat out, and immediately looked for my boys. They were in different hides, stiff with fear, but alive and uninjured. It took them about two days and a lot of treats to be completely back to normal.

We never leave the door open again.

It breaks my heart to think that they had to sit there for hours, terrified - all because we didn’t see the cat in the darkness. I felt like the worst rat owner in the whole world, even though it technically wasn’t my fault.

Anyway, everything is fine now. There’s your scary story about the darkness, cold, and a cat in the rat blanket.

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

Dessert

The smutty follow-up to Dinner. NSFW.

Agnes Aldwir was deeply and unabashedly in love with Emmrich Volkarin.

A fact that she was very happy to express as she and Emmrich (and the brownies---extremely important) entered her bedroom at the Lighthouse. Once inside, she magically locked the door. I should put up a “do not disturb” sign…no. Don’t do that, Agi.

“Dearest, love of my life…” He murmured as he removed her sweater. The plate of brownies floated to and safely landed on her bedside table. “What would you have of me?”

No more than you’re willing to give. I’ll never ask for more. I’m so grateful already…

But…

I think he wants me to ask things of him.

Maybe I should then?

She took the sweater from him and threw it into a hamper. A hamper that just appeared there one day. This place is weird as fuck, but hey, I’ll take a free hamper. “Clothes off. Jewelry stays on.” She bit her lip and failed to stop a giggle escaping her. “Please.”

He chuckled softly. “As you wish. But first, allow me to undress you.” A knowing half-smile tugged on his lips as his gaze fell to her chest. “Based on the evidence before me, I can say with one hundred percent certainty you’re not wearing a bra, darling.” Emmrich cupped a breast through the fabric of her dress and squeezed gently.

“With this dress, I’d have to go strapless…and I didn’t feel like it. That’s when I remembered I had the sweater.” She grinned as she brushed his hand away and pulled the dress over her head. Into the free hamper you go! “Emm,” she began, giggling as she played with his collar pin. “You’re wearing far too many clothes as usual.”

Emmrich huffed. “As usual? My dear, standards and propriety—”

Shut. Up. You. Wonderful. Man.

Unhooking the collar pin, she rolled her eyes. “Have no place here. Not tonight, love.”

His hands fell to her wide, soft hips as he bent to press kisses to her neck. “How scandalous, Miss Aldwir. You would have your suitor act like a brute?”

She gasped as he pinched her ass. “You naughty man! You know full well I mean for you to get out of all these lovely clothes.” And they are lovely. All his clothes are so fancy and make him look even more handsome. Everything has a significance. “I want to see you.”

“As you wish, sweet angel.” Emmrich pushed down her panties and watched with the sexiest smirk on his sexy face as she, for the third time, tossed her last item of clothes in the hamper. “Ah, but now the real question, my love…how do you want me?”

Truthfully, she had imagined how she wanted Emmrich in excruciating detail.

Self-doubt, my old friend.

Blushing madly, she crossed her arms over her ample chest as he began to undress. “Are you sure I won’t be…um, too much if I’m on top? I don’t want to hurt you.” WHAT IF I CRUSH HIM!?!?!?!

Or would he like it?!?!?!

Stop thinking so much, Agi!

Her lover stopped unbuttoning his shirt and glanced back at her, frowning. “Dearest, please believe me when I say you’ll never be too much for me.” Oh Emm, you’re the best. “My darling girl,” he quirked an eyebrow and did the cute shoulder neck thing he does. “You’re not the most substantial lover I’ve had.”

WAIT.

“What?!” Agnes squeaked, her eyes wide. “I’m not?!”

Kicking off his boots, he undid his trousers. “My sweet, loathe as I am to speak of my past lovers, I will mention one to reassure you.” Oh dear, I know that look. He’s going to tell me something so insane that it’s going to break me. He pushed down his trousers and smalls. He then stepped out of them and leaned close to her ear to whisper, “One of my lovers, a very dear man, was considerably larger than you, darling, and we managed quite well with me on the bottom. He penetrated me effortlessly. In short---you’re fine, dear.” Oh. My. Goodness. I… He gave her a quick kiss on her deeply flushed cheek and then pinched my ass!!!!! EMM!!!!! “And speaking of fine, might I comment on how pretty you look right now? Between your makeup—”

“Neve did it.” Because as much as I love Mum, she can be a bit heavy handed with makeup.

With his free hand, he brushed the backs of his lean, long, perfect fingers against her face. “Your makeup, your blush, how the light illuminates you…you’re glowing, my love. Full of light and love and life…” He dipped his head to press several kisses along her neck and jaw. “Queen of my heart, you’ll never be too big for me. More of you means more of you to love, my dear.”

Words began to spill out of her before she could stop herself. “How are you real?” One of her hands caressed his cheek. “I didn’t think anyone like you existed.”

“I assure you I’m quite real.” His eyes were twinkling, and a smirk tugged on his lips. “Real and ready to serve, darling.”

Serve.

Serving is being hard as a rock apparently!

She did the only thing she could think of in this situation. I pouted…because I know he thinks it’s adorable! “Don’t tease me, Emm.”

He found the pulse point on her neck and kissed gently. “I wouldn’t dream of it, dear. Do you want me to lie down? You said something delightful about being on top earlier, and I so wish to experience that with you.” With one last kiss, which earned him a moan, he stepped back and laid down like the sexy, elegant man he is, and he is so hard. My goodness. With his lithe form on display, she could not help but drink him in. Just for a second. He’s so handsome. “Darling?” Emmrich called to her, extending a hand towards her.

This is real.

He’s real.

He loves me.

He’ll love me no matter what.

It was at that moment she squealed happily and practically bounded towards her bed. Straddling his narrow waist, she peppered his face in kisses. “I love you. I love you so much. I want to make you feel as wonderful as you make me. I want…” She laughed softly as her hands roamed his chest, fine, graying hair tickling her fingers. “Can I…”

A deep, pleased noise rumbled in his throat, Adam’s apple bobbing. “Anything, dearest. Do anything you like. Explore me should you wish.” He bit back a moan as her hand drifted towards his middle. “Ah, my love, you feel so good…touch me…take your pleasure from me…”

She laughed softly as she traced the trail of hmmm darker gray hair at his navel. “Together. Take our pleasure together, love.”

“Yes…of course…how silly of me, dear…” He chuckled, bejeweled hands on her generous waist. “My darling girl, please don’t stop. Tell me how I make you feel.”

I will, love.

But first…

Agnes smirked and moved backwards, coating his member with her slick. Fuck, he feels so good. He’s big but not too big. Perfect. He’s perfect. In every conceivable way. “Incredible. Like you were made for me, Emm. You make me feel…” Desired. Wanted. Cherished. So many words, and you can think of a million more, because you’re brilliant. “Loved. You make me feel loved. I never thought I would be…and then you came along…I love you so much, Emmrich…”

Are those tears? Is he crying? Did I—

Before her rising panic could overtake her, he chuckled breathlessly. “My heart, you asked how I’m real, but you truly are a wonder. The most precious—ah! Fuck!”

She whimpered as she sank on his erect cock, eyes squeezed shut. “Emm, you feel so fucking good. You have no idea, love.”

You fill me like nothing else.

And I want you to fill me over and over and over and over…

Please?

“I’ve had no complaints over the years, darling.” He teased, kneading her ample sides. Then her pelvis met his, and he moaned wantonly, her flesh spilling between his long, elegant fingers as he squeezed harder. “Agnes, angel, goddess, queen, roll those lovely hips of yours. Y-yes, dear…just like that…so good…”

I wonder…

Agnes clenched around him and heard the most glorious sound I’ve ever heard in my life. “Oh Emm, should I do that again?”

To her surprise, he shook his head. “My heart, as much as I found that incredibly arousing, I fear I may not last long if you continue with this particular activity.”

His wording, as it usually did, inspired her.

Inspiring me to do something very naughty.

She hummed, pretending to think. “This particular activity, hm? Well, what if I do this instead, love?” Minding her balance, she leaned forward slightly and blew icy cold breath at a nipple, which earned her another luscious moan.

How’s that, Emm?

I’d say pretty damn good!

He threw his arms around her suddenly and hugged her tightly. She let out an “oomph” as her front collided with his. “You marvelous little thing! My brilliant, beautiful, wonderful darling! We’re going to have such fun together, you and I. Learn everything, ah, about each other…Agi dearest…fuck…” Emmrich moaned as icy breath graze his other nipple. It’s so hot when he swears. I got him to swear. “Fuck…you’re perfect…feel so good…but please…you must come again…please…”

Lifting her head, she nodded quickly. “Please touch me, love. I need you.”

Always want you. Always need you.

Emmrich grunted an assent, reached for her clit, and began to rub furiously, strands of hair falling in his eyes. “Come for me, my darling. One more. I know you can do it, my good girl…I, ah…that’s it…”

She shuddered, a small cry torn from her as she came. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Within moments, she vaguely heard him mutter another extremely classy “fuck” and “my perfect girl” as he emptied inside her. He pulled her close, her head resting under his chin.

She grinned when she heard him sigh.

“That good, huh?” Agnes giggled, pressing kisses along his jaw and throat. “Bet you weren’t expecting the ice.”

A breathless laugh escaped him as he held her, his embrace firm. “My love, you’re full of surprises. Each more delightful than the last. That being said,” he tapped her behind, and she rolled on her back next to him. “Allow me to clean us first, and then—”

Her eyes widened slightly. “Brownies?” she asked hopefully, biting on her kiss-swollen lower lip.

Brownies.

We had great sex, and now it’s brownie time.

Emmrich laughed heartily, a sound that always makes my heart feel fit to burst. I want to hear him laugh every day…forever. “Of course, dearest! One must keep up energy if one wishes to continue with certain nocturnal activities.” He smirked as he cleaned himself. “I intend to have you come at least two more times tonight.”

She sat up, noting the soreness in her hips and thighs. Worth it. “Feeling ambitious, love?”

“Quite.” There was a mischievous glint in his eyes and a smirk under his mustache. Bring it on, Emm. Let’s test the limits of “at least.” He bent to kiss her before cleaning her with a conjured cloth. “Am I still leaving my grave gold on, darling?”

Oh.

Oh right.

Giggling nervously, she shook her head and picked up a brownie. “Um, you can take them off if you want.”

A pleased noise rumbled in his throat. “Very good, dearest.” He tossed the cloth into her hamper, carefully removed his jewelry, and got into bed next to her, pulling the blankets to their waists. Then, he tilted her chin to gaze lovingly at her. Fuck me, it’s also time to melt into a puddle because he’s looking at me like I’m the center of the universe. “I adore you.”

To her credit, she did not sigh dramatically and kiss him soundly right away.

Instead, Agnes shoved the brownie in her mouth, quickly ate it, causing him to laugh, and then kissed him soundly. “I adore you too, Emm.” She breathed, cupping his face.

And I always will, love.

[amuseintime]

Line, Please

Heya guys! Anyone who's followed me on AO3 for a while probably knows about The Play Is Over But The Script Remains/the Scriptfrin Saga... Buuut decided to start sharing on tumblr too. While this is not the first chronologically for the series, it IS the first I wrote, and works as a oneshot, so thought it'd be a good starter ^w^

For anyone who hasn't read this already...

Time Loops are bound to have some strange, lingering effects. Thankfully, Siffrin knows his lines, so everything’s okay, right? Sometimes JUST his lines… Siffrin’s family tries to help them when they start “scripting,” unable to summon up any words but the ones they’d spat far too many times. Mirabelle POV (more or less) and written in one sitting. Hurt/comfort

Semi-verbal Siffrin ahead, and obviously, spoilers for In Stars and Time. Enjoy~

It’d been a few weeks since they’d beaten the king. A few weeks since breaking both his curse and Siffrin’s. A few weeks since they decided to keep traveling together. They were on the road this lovely morning, camping in the woods as they often had. Birds sang their cheerful Piou Piou as Bonnie threw a bunch of leftover ingredients into a mass of omelettes. Most smelled quite good, but everyone silently agreed that Siffrin would get the “honor” of trying the Pear and Cream Omelet. Isabeau was taking down most of the tents while Odile worked on purifying some water with craft, leaving Mirabelle awkwardly idle. Sure, she’d been the one to chop the firewood—scissors craft was useful for that—but it still felt wrong to be the only one not helping!

Though look! It seemed she was no longer alone.

“Good morning Siffrin, did you sleep okay?” Mirabelle asked gently. Hopefully he wouldn’t find it condescending, but these days, it was something worth asking…

His curse may have been broken, but he still suffered from it.

“Hey Mira, have you thought about doing a sleepover tonight?”

“Um… we do those… every night?” Mirabelle said. She had a sinking feeling in her gut, but no need to panic yet! Maybe it was just a strange but innocent question, maybe it’d be a one off, maybe-

“Absolutely, I’ll let everyone know!”

“Siffrin, that’s not…” Deep breaths Mirabelle, you couldn’t panic now! Panicking would just make him panic, and then they’d both be panicking, and that wouldn’t help anyone, and-

Deep breaths, Mira. In… and out… (Thank you, Siffrin, for teaching her that). She took an acting class once, as one of the many, many classes she took at the House of Change. It wasn’t one that had interested her all that much, but time to put at least a bit to good use. She kept a smile on her face and forced her cadence cheerful as she raised her voice, looking at the others. “Hey guys! Siffrin is scripting again! What should we do about that?”

It wasn’t the first time something like this happened. Sometimes, something would occur that was a bit too similar to something that already happened and he’d just run with it. He described it as instinct. Blind. Deaf. Unthinking. As ingrained as returning a hello, or his attempts to wink despite only having one eye so it looks like blinking. He just woke up though, what would’ve triggered it? Maybe her being the first he saw? But that hadn’t happened in days! Turned out he just needed to be carried in a tent if he fell asleep outside—waking up on grass to sunshine and temperate weather was, sadly, a trigger. So something else?

A few times he just started falling back on lines when he got too stressed out… oh! A nightmare, maybe? That seemed most likely. Or if he had a nightmare about waking up in loops, it could be both… either way, that’s….

“Why are you acting so happy about that, you crab!” Bonnie yelled, glaring at her.

In a tone way too teasing to be any more natural than Mirrabelle’s, Odile said, “Because, young one, if we get too upset, Siffrin might panic.”

… what she said. Unfortunately, trying to just shock Siffrin out of his script tended to only lead to him shouting his lines instead. Turns out, adding stress to something stress related does NOT fix it!

Siffrin wandered over to Isabeau and greeted him with a cheerful, “Hey Isa! Need to do the favor tree thing!”

All of them looked at Siffrin helplessly with uneasy, clearly fake smiles except Bonnie. Bonnie stared at him with a clearly concerned pout. “So. What do we do?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? Because while they were learning some of Siffrin’s triggers and that trying too hard to break him out might very well make it worse…

They didn’t have a solution.

Siffrin, for his part, was apparently scripting so thoroughly that he was, in fact, trying to act out a day, ignoring that they were in a forest and there were no particularly large trees in favor of just finding a bit of root sticking out of the ground to sit on. He stared across from himself, waiting…

Waiting…

“… Loop?” Siffrin said. He blinked (or winked???) his eye rapidly, as though trying to clear something out from it. His head slowly swiveled as he took the world in with an utterly lost expression. Finally, he settled on Mira. “Where is everyone again?” The playfully embarrassed cadence didn’t fit his wide-eyed expression or shaking hands at all, but it was just another sad thing to get used to.

Where is everyone? What did that mean though? Could he not see them? Maybe the trees were hiding one of them from view? Perhaps Bonnie? He’d had a few lines pretty clearly concerned for the kid and-

“We’re in the Liligant Woods,” Odile said, “twelve days north of Vaugarde. We’re headed to Bambouch to reunite with Bonnie’s sister, and the loops have been over for three weeks.”

Oh , Mira thought, feeling a bit silly. That made sense, actually. There probably wasn’t any time where Siffrin needed to ask where he was (not many options there!), just everyone else…

Isabeau knelt across from Sif, close enough for their rogue to reach out to him, but not touching yet. (Another thing they failed on. He didn’t mind touch, actually, he just wasn’t used to it). “Are you back with us, buddy?”

“Isaaaaaaaaa!” Siffrin cringed at his own cheer, screwing his face up while the next lines spilled from his mouth. “What a… TREE-mendous tree.” He then face palmed, but cracked a smile as Isa laughed despite the situation.

“Sure is! Maybe not an actual favor tree, but still, gotta love these leaves, right? Look! Five pointed! Like a, uh…”

“They’re called constellations .” Siffrin paused, then shook his head.

“They’re… not?” Mirabelle said.

“I think you mean stars, right? Like that word you say under your breath!” Isabeau said.

Siffrin actually smiled a little at that. He inched forward a bit, but paused. It was hard to tell what, exactly, he was thinking, but as Isa opened his arms for a hug, Siffrin almost literally fell into them.

Isa grinned and scooped Siffrin up like a little princess, bringing him over to the fire.

Bonnie grinned, taking a plate. “Heyfrin! I know you can’t say how cool and awesome and delicious they are ‘cause you’re stuck with the same lines, but! OMELETTES! And one of them, is my secret special one! Try it!”

Oh. Oh no. Mira had to try her best not to grin, a skill honed through many puns. Luckily madame had a great poker face, and Bonnie would look eager no matter what, so really only Isa was going to give it away, and  Frin was too busy being held and blushing and pointedly not looking to see Isa trying not to laugh.

Siffrin. Poor, trusting Siffrin took a bite of the dreaded pear and cream omelet and managed to smile despite it, chewing for way too long.

Madame smirked at him, “So, how was it, young one?”

Siffrin gave a thumbs up, a grin, and said, “Croissants.”

“Hmm… bad then,” Bonnie said, nodding sagely. They put a stick on their nose and pushed it up like it was a pair of glasses and pretended to write something down. “No one appreciates my gee-nee-us. I am researching omelette ology. Very important, makes my back hurt.”

”Really, Boniface?” Odile said, though she couldn’t stifle a laugh. “We’ll see how your back is doing in forty years.”

The actually good omelets were passed around shortly after. Unfortunately, Siffrin had to be returned to the ground so Isa could eat too. Sure, Isa probably could’ve carried Sif under one arm like a sack of potatoes, but then Siffrin would have a hard time eating, so really this was best for everyone.

Siffrin only picked at breakfast though, except for when Bonnie was watching. Thankfully, he could scarf down food fast enough that a bit of child-staring ensured he was fed, but…

“… hey, are you okay? I’d, uh, say we should have a feelings talk, but given the circumstances…” Isabeau said. He was trying to stay positive, but everyone could see him trying almost as hard as Siffrin to find words, but neither could.

Odile spoke up next, “Well, whenever you do, I don’t mind listening either.”

“Woop woop.”

“Are you sassing me?” Odile said, eyebrow raised.

“In a while, Rockodile!” Siffrin said with a grin.

“NO!” Bonnie shouted.

Siffrin opened his mouth with one of those cat-like grins he gave before making a pun, but what came out, well, wasn’t, “Rice. Pineapples. Samosas.” He chuckled like he’d said something, but everyone’s confusion and worry must’ve shown. He slunk back, trying to hide under a hat he didn’t have anymore.

“… Siffrin?” Mirabelle said, reaching a hand out but stopping short.

“… take my ashes and throw them from the highest peak,” he said, pulling his legs up to his chest and hiding in them.

Mirabelle’s heart twisted in her chest. He’d been doing so well, but she couldn’t imagine this was easy. It was tempting, to try to just keep going, to smooth it over for them, but would that help? It might just make things worse, and even if she asked, he couldn’t answer.

“Sif?” Isabeau said.

Siffrin had gotten up, leaving. “Sleepover, clock tower, see you there!”

The others started talking, moving, but Mirabelle sat, still thinking.

How would that feel? To wake up and barely be able to communicate? To go off thinking she was doing one thing and realize she was somewhere completely different? To try to apologize, but not having the words. It feels uncomfortable just imagining it, but with other people, it’s worse. It’d be so frustrating to look up, to try to talk, but then not be able to understand. And then trying anyways, it’d be so sweet, but she’d feel guilty for it. Wouldn’t it just be easier to leave? Then they wouldn’t have to adjust for her. Though maybe that was just her anxiety speaking, telling her that others wouldn’t want to deal with it, but isn’t this anxiety too? Fear and pain and trauma? Maybe not exactly the same, but still. And imagine that happening so quickly? Asking everyone to accommodate her? Everyone to…

Change.

Stand up Mirabelle. This is your cue. “I’ve got this.”

Siffrin was fast, he’d already run off, but he was upset enough that he didn’t bother hiding his tracks (or maybe he wanted found). Bushes and grass were pushed aside, branches broken, an easy trail. Siffrin sat by a stream, muttering lines to himself and tugging at his hair in frustration. It tore at her heart. In some ways, it was hard to imagine this was the same, playful and near-careless traveler they met on the road…

“You’ve Changed,” Mirabelle said.

Siffrin jumped, twirling around. “Mirabelle, have you heard of the CARROT method?” He tugged on his hair again, teeth grit. In other circumstances, maybe it’d be comical to see him throw a fit after saying something out of context, but knowing he couldn’t stop…

“I have, actually,” Mira said. “Thank you.” She went to sit beside him, watching the water flow. “… it’s hard, isn’t it? Changing.”

He blinked at her, opening his mouth before nodding his head. Siffrin sat back down, just watching.

“A lot of people come into the House all the time, you know? To learn, to try new things, to become different people. It’s expected, celebrated even, but it doesn’t mean we take it lightly. Change is destruction, and you have to weigh that when you decide to Change…”

“And you didn’t get that choice, did you?”

Siffrin shook his head, tears beading in his eyes.

“That’s alright. Sometimes it just happens. And, well… you can’t always get back what you lost, but you can still try to Change in ways you’d rather, y’know? And, um…” she swallowed a lump in her throat.

“Maybe we should go over strategy?” Siffrin said, putting a hand on her back.

“Thanks Siffrin, but- hey! Wait! I’m supposed to be comforting you!”

He chuckled under his breath.

Mira huffed a little, but smiled. “The point is, well, yes, you’ve Changed. And it was forced on you, so now you’re something you probably didn’t want, but that doesn’t mean we stop living you. A lot of people Change all the time, and we still welcome back whoever they are now. I’d be a crabbing TERRIBLE house maiden if I left you just because you have some trouble communicating now.”

Siffrin’s breath hitched and he inched closer, slowly putting his head on her shoulder. Wetness soaked the fabric there as she threaded fingers through his hair. “It’s okay. I’m here. You Changed, but I still love you.”

His hands came out, tugging almost desperately on the fabric. The hug was near-crushing, almost painful. Perfect.

“There there… I get it. Having trouble with, um, thoughts and all. And I can barely imagine, I’m, making you guys try to figure things out, but we want to, okay? Besides, I’m great at learning! I’ve learned so much I taught classes on learning! And, um, maybe im not naturally as smart as Isabeau and Odile, but they are! And kids can Change really easily, and the point is we care. We care enough to Change with you, to learn. If you’ll stick around and give us the chance.”

He couldn’t muster more than a nod between sobs as an answer, but that was good enough for her. They sat there until Siffrin cried themselves out, leaning lightly against her as they returned.

He only let go to collapse into Isabeau’s arms instead.

“Good talk?”

“Sounds like there’s nothing else for me to add, huh?” Siffrin said. It was hard to pin his voice, hard to say when he’d use this line, but at least for now he was smiling.

-------

I prefer tea, but buy me a Kofi?

[r0tting-raspb3rry]

ava gift exchange!!

surprise, @lunaautumnofficial ! I made your gift! I used your "color gang's first Christmas" prompt, so I hope you enjoy! Happy holidays!

(word count: 1104)

Humming a pleasant tune, Orange carried their hand-drawn plastic pine tree over their shoulder. They firmly plopped it around the middle of the PC, fluffing it up so the point was up.

They returned back to Adobe Animate, where a bin full of colorful ornaments lay. Orange decorated the tree with them, meticulously placing them in an aesthetically pleasing way. Not to forget the rainbow garland they used to tie it all together. It was beautiful, and Orange was admittedly proud of themself.

“What is that?” A familiar voice inquired. They looked over to see Red, curiously inspecting the tree.

“A Christmas tree!”

“Chris-what?” He furrowed his brow. The hollowhead couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Christmas!” They enunciated. “I was researching it, and it turns out, it’s a day when everyone gives each other gifts!”

“What?! Like a birthday?” Red squeaked. “I wanna do it!”

“No one’s stopping you. Though, it’s s’posed to happen today.” Hearing Orange’s short notice, Red ran off, yelling something about how many gifts he was gonna make.

–

Clearly word got around, because the entire gang met up when it was time. The brightness of the PC was dimmed, (as per Orange’s request), lights were strewn from wall to wall, and the tree had dozens of presents of different shapes and colors under it. Perhaps some mistletoe was around, too. The group had even decided to open up Youtube and play Crackling Fireplace 10 Hours to add a pleasant ambience.

“Who starts?” Blue asked, her feet swinging as she sat with everyone else on their couch. She had a glint of excitement in her eyes. Her, and everyone else, were ecstatic. Though, they weren’t too familiar with the rules of Christmas, so they were wary to begin.

“Let’s go in order of age!” Orange suggests.

“What?” Green dramatically groaned.

“C’mon G, I was gonna say youngest to oldest. But if you want to be second to last, then–” They were quickly interrupted.

“Wait!! Youngest to oldest is fine! I changed my mind!”

“Are you sur–”

“Yes!” Everyone laughed.

“OK, OK. Red, start with a present!”

Unable to sit still, Red was already up and bouncing on his heels. Out of the assortment of gift bags and wrapping paper, he chose one that caught his eye: a medium-sized gift, topped off with a bow. He didn’t even think to ask who it was from before he started ripping through the wrapping paper and cardboard.

The gift was revealed. It was a rather large plush pig, almost identical to Red’s past pet. After staring at it for a minute with awe, he recognized Yellow gave it to him and he practically tackled her with a hug, making the couch nearly tip over.

“Thank you!” He squeaked. Surprised by the reaction, Yellow froze, but eventually hugged back with a laugh.

“I knew you would like it,” She said. Red shortly returned to his seat, admiring his new plushie.

“Me next!” Green announced in a sing-song voice. He squinted at his presents, carefully examining and choosing his first one. He chose the largest box first, which was about half his height. “From Blue”, It was labeled. He definitely had some idea of what it could be, as he undid the wrapping in front of everyone.

A karaoke set, that’s what it was. Green pumped his fist in the air, with his trademark grin. He knew Orange was gonna hate this. They definitely would, because when they realized what it was, they groaned with annoyance. There was no seriousness with it, however. It was all playful.

“This is perfect, Blue. Thanks.” He talked, clearly already plotting something. Orange made a face at him and a silence fell over the group.

“This is from Blue, too.” Yellow suddenly said. Nobody had noticed her quietly grabbing a present while Orange and Green were starting drama. She neatly opened it, unwrapping the bow and unfolding the wrapping paper. 

It was a bowl? The semi-transparent lid obscured the contents inside, but it was definitely liquid. Confused, the giftee looked up at Blue.

“It’s redstone soup.” She explained. Yellow’s eyes lit up with a wild curiosity.

“Redstone is edible?! I can’t wait to try, thank you Blue!!” She exclaimed, hugging her close friend, the dish awkwardly positioned between them.

“Soup in a box..?” Orange spoke up.

“I didn’t want it to be obvious.” Blue reasoned.

“Huh.”

“Okay,” She chuckled. “My turn now.”

Blue had little hesitation picking from her pile, it seemed she didn’t mind which one she got first. It was a gift bag she picked, labeled “From Red”. She was in no haste to get it open as she tossed out the multi-colored tissue paper. Blue pulled out a long piece of fabric- a blanket. It had a design of kittens on one side, and paw prints on the other. She smiled.

“This is adorable,” She wrapped herself, as well as Yellow, with some extra room to spare in the blanket. “Thanks Red.”

“Yay!” Red cheered, happy to see his friends happy.

Suddenly Green whispered into Blue’s ear, who whispered to Red, who whispered to Yellow. They erupted into a conversation of murmuring that Orange couldn’t understand.

They started to get anxious, trying to lean forward and hear what they were so intensely conversing about. Their smile faltered. When the four scooted away from them, they had to ask.

“What are you guys talking about?” Orange sounded nervous.

“Don’t worry, Orange. Stay right here for a sec.” Green insisted, beginning to leave with the others. The rest had already run off.

“What’s happening?”

“Ah, well, just wait for it! It’s gonna be great!” He looked very enthusiastic. Unsure, Orange laid back on the couch and suspensefully waited for…something.

Soon enough, they heard their three other friends’ voices. They came into sight, with Green holding a large gift. They placed it in front of the hollow-head.

Thrilled, Orange jumped up, buzzing with excitement. They yanked off the top of the box and pulled out its contents. Admiring it, they noticed that it was a large, colorful blanket hoodie, fit with a large pocket. Each section was a different color- left and right sleeves were red and blue respectively, the hoodie was green, and the pocket was yellow. Not to mention the main part, which was orange.

“Do you like it?! We all helped to sew it!” Blue was the first to speak up.

“I love it!” Orange squeezed the soft fabric, their  grin wider than ever. “Thanks so much guys!” The group threw themselves into a giant hug, each of their smiles contagious.

“Christmas!!” Red shouted joyfully, making everyone laugh.

[the-cybersmith]

@loving-n0t-heyting commented

Krishna is full of shit

I mean his rebuttal is "hey look at me I'm so scary I have a bunch of arms", so… I think this is where he lost Oppenheimer, too.

Taking a step back, maybe the conclusion we should take is "We can't change the whole world, we are far too weak to do that in the face of God/The Universe/Infinity, so we should focus on changing/affecting what we CAN. For soldiers, that means fighting the battles in front of them, because that is what's within their power to affect.

Krishna reveals his mighty form to give Arjuna a sense of perspective, to show Arjuna how comparatively small his own power is in the scope of things. Arjuna can't fix every problem. He can't replace the world with a better one all at once. All he can do is fight the battle in front of him.

As a (somewhat? Not totally sure where I fall, spiritually speaking) humanist, I struggle with that idea. Can it ever be moral to do an individually bad thing, like killing someone, if the alternative is to do nothing? Are we letting, in some sense, the perfect be the enemy of the good by abstaining from action?

If the choice is between affecting what we can affect, doing the duty before us, or stepping back, throwing our hands up and saying that we refuse to act at all, maybe we do have to put aside our own sense of right and wrong.

Arjuna's argument here is fundamentally a selfish one. He's arguing that he won't be happy, having killed those people.

Notably, Arjuna DOES fight. He isn't happy. He accepts that his happiness is the price to pay to make his own small contribution to a better world, and that it's better to be unhappy than to refuse to act. All he can do is attack, or walk away. So he attacks.

Oppenheimer was haunted by what he did for the rest of his life... but he still built the bomb. He couldn't stop totalitarianism across the world. He couldn't fix the problems of the 2th Century. He couldn't make people live in peace. All he could do was build the bomb, or walk away. So he built it.

The soldiers of the trenches, on boxing day, didn't want to kill their counterparts. But they did. Many of them fell in battle, many more were scarred mentally and physically. They couldn't bring Franz Ferdinand back to life. They couldn't correct the horrific structure of treaties that dragged half of the human race into war. They couldn't stop the horrors of industrialised slaughter, or convince their leaders about the value of human life. All they could do was fight the battle in front of them, or walk away. So they fought.

It's an extremely uncomfortable moral lesson. I hope I'm never in a position where I have to make a choice like that... but we can't ignore the fact that choices like that do occur.

Sometimes, we have to act. Because we aren't gods. We cannot bring ten thousand suns to burst in the sky. We can only fight the battle in front of us, however unhappy that makes us feel. And like Arjuna, Like Oppenheimer, like the multitudes of men in the trenches... we just need to fight that battle.

happy 110th to the christmas truce!

:3

And looking at all these kinsmen so arrayed, Arjuna, the son of Kunti,

Was overcome by deep compassion; and in despair he said: Krishna, when I see these my own people eager to fight, on the brink,

My limbs grow heavy, and my mouth is parched, my body trembles and my hair bristles,

My bow, Gandiva, falls from my hand, my skin’s on fire, I can no longer stand—my mind is reeling,

I see evil omens, Krishna: nothing good can come from slaughtering one’s own family in battle—I foresee it!

I have no desire for victory, Krishna, or kingship, or pleasures. What should we do with kingship, Govinda? What are pleasures to us? What is life?

The men for whose sake we desire kingship, enjoyment, and pleasures are precisely those drawn up for this battle, having abandoned their lives and riches.

Teachers, fathers, sons, as well as grandfathers, maternal uncles, fathers-in-law, grandsons, brothers-in-law, and kinsmen—

I have no desire to kill them, Madhusudana, though they are killers themselves—no, not for the lordship of the three worlds, let alone the earth!

Where is the joy for us, Janardana, in destroying Dhritarashtra's people? Having killed these murderers, evil would attach itself to us.

It follows, therefore, that we are not required to kill the sons of Dhritarashtra—they are our own kinsmen, and having killed our own people, how could we be happy, Madhava?

And even if, because their minds are overwhelmed by greed, they cannot see the evil incurred by destroying one’s own family, and the degradation involved in the betrayal of a friend,

How can we be so ignorant as not to recoil from this wrong?

~the bhagavad gita 1:27-39, johnson trans

[random-letters-i-just-thought-of]

Clones mourning the Jedi

Ok, so, bear with me, my brain is constantly making up scenarios that I want to happen in Bad Batch Season 3. Most of the time I don't do anything with them, but this one today was especially emotional, so I just can't keep it to myself. Even though it doesn't fit into the story at all and is probably also very out of character. So… I need the connection between the clones and the Jedi to be appreciated, right? So my brain was like: How about we have the clones collectively, in their little community that they built, (which will also totally happen, right? I mean… clone rebellion?!?…please?!!), mourn the Jedi? And I was just: Umm… I don't think… And my brain went: Shut up, I've already made up a whole fucking ceremony and the precise camera angles and shots it will be shown in. So anyway, it starts with the Bad Batch needing Rex's help for a mission or something, so they go to him, and Rex is like: "Sure, but not today." So Hunter asks why, and he just says: "It's Empire Day." No missions till tomorrow morning." "Why? You're celebrating?", Wrecker asks jokingly. Rex huffs and flashes a sad little smile: "We're mourning."

Empire Day would be roughly the day Order 66 happened, right? I mean, I have no idea how space time works so I just assume that. So anyway, they go inside and meet all the other clones from Rex's little Network who sit together, talk and laugh, and many of them, most of them, are doing some sort of pottery. Echo is also there (which doesn't make sense because at this point he would have been back with the Bad batch already, but honestly, I don't care when this happens. Could also be way earlier. Actually, that would maybe be even better, so we can have Tech and Omega on board as well) so after some big hellos, of course the Bad Batch asks what's going on with this pottery stuff. Rex has excused himself at this point, but Echo shows them they're making little bowls and explains that it is part of the ceremony to honor the Jedi. At this point, it becomes a bit awkward for the Bad Batch since they never had such a connection to the Jedi and also experienced order 66 differently. But it gets better when Wrecker asks if he can make one for the little Padawan (Caleb), even though he hopes he survived. Just to remind of him. And Echo beams and says "sure" and shows them the bowl he's making for Ahsoka. He started it, still thinking she died during Order 66, but then Rex found out, teared up, and told him everything. He still makes her a bowl. To remember her. Because wherever she is now, even though she survived, the sassy, lighthearted, funny little commander he knew is definitely dead. So the Bad batch mixes with the other Clones. Wrecker makes his little bowl; maybe Hunter and Omega (if she's there) make one for Shaak Ti and Tech (if he's there) helps with the technical preparations for the ceremony and makes some valuable improvements. (Um, yeah, I have no Ideas for Crosshair. I'm open for suggestions! As said, not following any continuity/timeline here.) In the evening, everything is ready for the ceremony. It goes this way: Everyone who wants to has made a bowl for a specific Jedi, or several bowls for several Jedi, one bowl for multiple Jedi at once, or just one for all of them or no one in particular. They fill the bowls with a special material that will create a colorful flame when burned. Normally, they choose the color of their Jedi's lightsaber.

So for the ceremony, one after another lights up their lanterns, takes them to the little shrine or altar they built, says the name(s) of the one(s) they want to honor/remember maybe adds a little prayer if they feel like it, and then returns to the group to watch the flames leaping up to the sky. A colorful, beautiful mess, so bright, so hopeful, just like the Jedi were. Many bring blue ones for Shaak Ti, their beloved guardian on Kamino, who was killed by the ones she protected and watched over so lovingly. I'm thinking some of the Ryloth clones, the ones from Howzer's squad, maybe served under Mace Windu before they were stationed on Ryloth after the battle, so we get a few beautiful, strong purple flames. Wollfe brings one for Plo Koon, and his hands, ever shaking, now that his mind is no longer trustworthy, are steady when he sets down the bowl. His eyes, that are now mostly clouded by thoughts he can't voice, are clear for once as he remembers the brave man he fought side by side with, that he knows died wrongly even though his mind, corrupted by the chip for far too long, won't let him believe it. Cody's Hands (of course Cody is there, why wouldn't he be?) on the other hand are shaking as he brings forth the bowl he made for his general. It's not the only one for him on their little shrine, but it is probably by far the brightest and the most detailed. "Obi Wan Kenobi", he says, his voice is not shaking, but it's oh so quiet. He swallows hard and thinks for a moment before he adds: "Wherever you are right now… be safe. I miss you. I'm so sorry, love." And he wants to say so much more, but he doesn't know how, and now it's too late anyway. Echo's lantern for Ahsoka burns bright in the yellowish green he remembers, so fresh, so young, and so free. Rex is the last one to set down his lantern. "Anakin Skywalker", he says, making sure to place it right in the middle of the shrine, next to the bright blue flame that is Cody's lantern for Obi Wan and in front of the green one that is Ahsoka's. His voice does not shake, his steps do not falter, as he walks back to the group and turns around to watch the lights. (We see Hunter shooting Rex a quick, slightly worried, slightly curious glance because he's still convinced Anakin and Rex had something going on after that very suspicious scene in season 7.) We see the Bad Batch exchanging glances because they kind of feel like intruders. Because they suddenly feel grief over something they never even really knew. But then again, did any of them? We see Omega holding on to Hunter, deeply moved but not completely understanding why or what this is all about. We have a wide shot of all the clones standing in front of the lights, watching them with varying stages of grief. Some of them look deeply hurt; some of them smile sadly or even relieved as they watch the bright light resembling their friends, their mentors, their comrades, their idols. Only a very few of them are crying. Because even after all that's happened, they're still so strong. So used to the losses. Most of them watch the lights and gain strength. Grow a determined look on their face. They're going to make up for this. If there's one thing they can do, it's fight, so you bet that's what they're going to do. Cut to Rex staring into the flames and putting on his brave face for his brothers. His strong face as the leader. The determined face that makes it so easy, natural to follow him. He stares into the lights and knows this is his fight, the role he plays, the task he is set to fulfill. He is setting himself to fulfill. Their destiny is in their own hands now. And they're going to use it to make the galaxy the Jedi couldn't. It's what they owe them. And, most importantly, it's what they want to do, too. They were made to protect the galaxy, and damn well, they will. Because the Jedi gave them hope. Showed them that it can be different. Taught them to believe in themselves. In the human in every single one of them. 

Cut to the Lanterns burning on the table, the colorful dancing flames, and it slowly zooms in on the bright blue flames of Anakin and Obi Wan burning next to each other.

But it doesn't stop there. It continues zooming in on Anakin's flame. And slowly, through the flickering light of Anakin's flame, we catch our first glimpse of Darth Vader. I'm thinking a Kenobi-like reveal. With dramatically swelling music and then just…breathing.

And then the screen goes black, bam episode over, bam Vader is the villain of Bad Batch now.

I know none of this makes sense, but it made me emotional, so….

Anyway if somebody else is having feels now, go listen to "Goodbye" by Ramsey, it's the song that was stuck in my head while writing this and it makes everything 100 times sadder :).

[dykedvonte]

I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.

I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.

It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.

There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.

[mycryptidisqueererthanyours]

[Redacted] Hanahaki AU

Hunched over the sink, [Redacted’s] body trembled as familiar pain blazed through him, before being overwhelmed by familiar nausea. Familiar tears streamed down his face, as he ducked his head and retched. He seized and writhed as he threw up, vomit and blood pooling in the sink, clinging to skin in a way that made him want to claw it off. 

‘Angel,’ he croaked, voice reverent almost as if he were in prayer. But they couldn’t hear him here. And, even if they could, what could they do? Hold his hair back? ‘They could love me. They could love me like I love them,’ he whispered to the empty room, with its cold, empty countertops.

After being sick a few more times and finally being reasonably certain that he wasn’t going to be again, they peered into the basin below. Although he already knew what to expect, his doctors always advised him to confirm before doing anything else. Sure enough, hidden amongst his filth, stained white petals shone through. 

Despite their beauty, what they symbolised or - rather - who, he couldn’t help but breathe out a pained swear. Almost entire Brugmansia Arborea or angel’s trumpet blooms were coagulated in the sink, baptised in ugly shades of browns and reds. He had tainted them, as he always did. 

He reached up to open the mirrored medicine cabinet but his reflection gave him pause. God, he looked like shit, covered in assorted bodily fluids, eyes haggard and hair ill-kept. He needed a shower, badly. He tranced a hand over the scar on his chest, like it could in any way quell the lingering pain. It never did. 

Especially with how fully formed the flowers were, they might have to crack open his ribs and clear out his lungs again within the year and he’d barely recovered from the previous round of surgery. 

[Redacted] knew how unusually severe their case was. How - no matter how many times they operated on him - they just couldn’t fully eradicate the roots that were so deeply enshrined in his flesh, how it only ever seemed to progress faster each time, how their beautiful petals secreted sweet poison but he would sooner die than give up on his Angel.

His Angel would reciprocate in time. He’d make sure of it.

They opened the cabinet and grabbed a new needle. He checked the packaging for the dosage of physostigmine, as he always did in case it had magically changed in his sleep (it hadn’t), before peeling the needle open and filling it. Finally, with ill-deserved tenderness, he lined the needle up with his arm and gritted his teeth. 

This part always hurt. 

@14dayswithyou because I think I saw somewhere where they said they like being @ ed but I can remove it if that’s what they’d prefer

[trickerys-domain]

I was tagged by @contrivedcoincidences6 to make my OCs this picrew!! Thank you for tagging me, I finally got it done lol!!!

Iseya Tabris: A headstrong and compassionate duelist/assassin rogue. Blunt, and sometimes vengeful, to those who show corruption, incompetence, or cross her; but endlessly kind to those in need. Absolutely did not want to get married, but always wore Nelaros's ring to honor his sacrifice and as a reminder (yes, I did full ass sacrifice a whole item spot for this in game the whole game). Iseya thought she would always sacrifice anything for her family and people, including her found family and her lover Alistair. She was prepared to die to stop the blight, and would have if not for Morrigan's offer.

*Hilariously I named my Warden years prior to the release of The Last Flight novel, but it really added a great element to her character.

Marian Hawke: A two-handy Reaver Purple Hawke who loves her family especially her sister. Even Gamlen grows on her after the death of her monther as she finally is worn down enough to see him better. Marian starts off as a confident sassy jokster who tries her best to make a new life, but as the years go on and she loses and lose and loses, her jokes become a coping mechanism. A mean streak also appears. By the end she's so tired and depressed that she doesn't even notice Anders pulling away from her. She spares and stands by him anyway because she needs this one thing to stay in her life.

*I just really like the default Hawke Names, I think they fit Hawke really well.

Shiren'ne Lavellen: A compassionate, kind, yet firm and decisive person, Shiren'ne prepared her whole life to become a worthy Keeper for her clan. Yet after she ends up with a new calling she takes it with stride, understanding her role in the world is now beyond just her people, but she always rebuffs being sent by Andraste and stands by her gods. Shiren'ne's favourite thing about the Inquisition was getting to know everyone and learn so much about other cultures and customs, and was always happy to share and demonstrate her Dalish culture (within reason). And although she had been so ready to be Keeper and she is Dalish to her core, after everything she knew she could never return and instead found a new quiet life with Cullen. Shiren'ne prefers slower ritual and practical magics and leans towards old nature and healing (I wish spirit healer had been a subclass), but is eager to learn about the fade, spirits, and the journey of ones soul after death, showing this by choosing vallaslin for Falon'Din.

*Took some research, but her name essentially means Voice of the Journey. She chose the name herself for her Valleslin ceremony as part of accepting and stepping into her role as First.

No pressure tag to @wolfwhisperertf, @the-nameless-nerd, and anyone else who wants to ❤️