#Batfamily microfiction

[gothamite-rambler]

Dick (on the phone): Where are you guys?

Jason (on the phone while dragging Bruce to his car): It's going to be a minute—stop kicking me!

Bruce (struggling): I'm not getting in the car! The car has a tape deck! It's got chip wrappers on the floor! I'm not getting in!

Jason (frustrated): Stop it! I will clean it later! And tapes are making a comeback!

Bruce (sarcastically): Does it even have Bluetooth?

Jason: I have an aux port—Bruce, stop crawling away!

Bruce (determined): Let me crawl to the place!

Dick (chuckling): Cool, at least you're not fighting about who should be the leader. We'll wait for you here.

Jason (exasperated): Cool—ow! Okay, you kicked me in the stomach! I'm knocking your ass out!

[knifknightkorner]

DC x DP Micro/flash fiction

Word count: 85

There was a sharp tug at Damian’s core, his world started blurring, he did not know how he knew but he did. He was being revived.

“Danny—”

“I know.”

Damian smiled at his brother one last time, wrapping his arms around him. It felt nice being held by Danny—even though he knew it would not last—

The Infinite Realms smeared in Damian’s vision, and Danny disappeared. Damian closed his eyes one last time, when he opened them he was in the arms of his Father.

[bombusbombus]

Thinking about Batman and white nose syndrome.

White nose syndrome is a fungal infection that DECIMATES bat populations. It'll infect a cave of little brown bats (Myotis Lucifugus) and 90% of them will just. Not wake up from hibernation. It's decimating bat populations on the East Coast.

Now imagine it reaches Batman's cave.

His bats are dying.

His bats are dying and he can't save them.

Scientists still don't have effective treatments. There are a few experimental preventative treatments, but those don't save infected bats. Batman can't save the bats in his cave.

Bruce Wayne funnels millions into bat science, and the bats in his cave are alive, but most of them won't make it through winter.

White nose syndrome causes bats to wake up frequently from their hibernation torpor. This uses energy, and so does the process of fighting the disease.

So Bruce's bats go to sleep, and hundreds of them won't wake up. And the money he's spending, it won't save them in time. He can see the white fungus growing on their snouts. They're going to die.

Jason asks, "why is the cave full of moths?"

And Bruce tells him, "sometimes bats wake up early because they're starving to death, but they can't find bugs to eat. They will have bugs here."

Tim asks, "why do we decontaminate before entering and exiting the cave these days?"

And Bruce tells him, "we can't infect this cave with new strains. We can't risk infecting other caves."

Damian asks, "how do we save them?"

Bruce tells him, "we can't save them. Not all of them. This is my fault, I should have funded the research sooner. I should have known."

Dick doesn't ask any questions. He knows Bruce the best. He knows what this is doing to him.

Almost all the bats die. Bruce blames himself.

And before the next winter, his scientists discover the cure.

[gothamite-rambler]

Jason: Okay, but like... You're wondering it and I know you have because I've seen you watch the show with Damian.

Bruce: Okay, not that I'm entertaining this, but I would argue it didn't die to how cheerful and surreal the world is.

Jason: Hm... You think there are dogs that committed crimes and-

Bruce: I sadly think they'd euthanize the more serious crimes, yes.

Jason: Huh, well why is the show so anti-cat?

Bruce: Because shows seem to love treating cats as the villain more often then aloof but loving.

Jason: That makes sense... We should talk more.

Jason, laying on the couch: Do you think that 9/11 happened in the paw patrol universe?

Bruce: Sometimes I wish I hadn't adopted you..

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Batfamily Chronicles Microfiction Series: Stephanie Brown's Reluctant Rivarly

by Raye_Wonderland What is the Batfamily like when they aren't trying to put up the facade of the toughest heroes in Gotham? What are they like on a regular day? What are they like dealing with villains they don't really hate, but find incredibly annoying. What if they had a mountain of issues and trauma but that's what made them care about each other. That they coped with humor or fighting bad guys. Batman wasn't just the stoic, sullen detective all the time? This is that script-fic. A dark comedy based series that showcases the ins and outs and insanity this family has. At the end of the day though they do love each other. Shenanigans galore with the rag-tag family. Written as a script format (to the best of ability) and connected to a series of stories that will be posted randomly then linked to this. Don't worry there's a sort of structure to the series :) Welcome to the Batfamily Words: 2322, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Series: Part 1 of Batfamily Chronicles Microfiction Series Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Batman Ensemble, Rogues Gallery (Batman), Robin (DCU), Batgirl (DCU), Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Barbara Gordon, Batfamily Members (DCU) Relationships: Batfamily Members & Batfamily Members (DCU) Additional Tags: Screenplay/Script Format, Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily (DCU) Feels, Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Batfamily Shenanigans (DCU), Caring Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily is a Mess (DCU), Batfamily-centric (DCU), Dark Comedy, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt, Not Beta Read, my first batfamily fic via https://ift.tt/Y4vdDJ5

[gothamite-rambler]

"Dude, time and place!"

Red Robin (looking downcast): Sometimes I feel like the world doesn't want me around.

Spoiler (raising an eyebrow, already annoyed): Dude.

Red Robin (furrowing brow angrily): They don't get me... My mind is an enigma, and that has been my downfall in life.

Spoiler (rolling her eyes): I dated you; trust me when I say it's not!

Red Robin (ignoring Spoiler): I've been kind, highly intelligent, creative and they just tossed me aside like a sack of potatoes.

Spoiler (rubbing her forehead frustrated): You're not listening to me, I see that now.

She picked up a large rock and handed it to him, urging him to smash the window of the factory they had needed to break into for the last five minutes. However, Robin was more focused on the detrimental dilemma he was facing, releasing a long sigh while shaking his head.

Red Robin: I give and give, and everyone takes from me without even offering a simple thank you.

Spoiler (glaring at him): Red Robin, throw the rock through the window or I'm throwing you into it! For the love of Jehovah, you got passed up for a promotion at work, that's it! Bernard is still with you, you're rich, healthy, white, conventionally attractive and semi-mentally well! Stop whining!

Red Robin stared at Spoiler, offended, then rolled his eyes in disbelief. He tossed the rock up, caught it, and threw it through the window, causing the glass to shatter into pieces. Spoiler waved her hand in an exaggerated, mock manner while curtseying.

Spoiler (with a smirk): Thank you, your majesty. Please, go first.

Red Robin (walking past her with his arms crossed): I still deserve respect.

Spoiler (scoffing): Yeah and I need a father who isn't a while criminal, but we don't get the good things sometimes.

[gothamite-rambler]

"Ma, I am in the middle of a job!"

Context: Stephanie you're mom is buying groceries for you with her money and you're in your 20s. Let this happen!

Spoiler and Red Robin interrogated a couple of goons who might have a lead on Killer Moth's hiding place. Just as the conversation was starting to yield some promising information, Spoiler’s phone rang. She frowned as she recognized the familiar ringtone she had assigned to her mother.

Red Robin sighed, exasperated at the interruption.

Red Robin: I told you to put the phone on airplane mode.

Spoiler (pulling her phone out of her pocket): I told you to pound sand for suggesting that. I have to take this. Keep talking to the lackeys.

Goon 1 (offended): Lackeys? Rude.

Red Robin (annoyed): Spoiler, just ignore the call.

Spoiler (ignoring him): I’ll be back in like a minute.

Red Robin shook his head, fully aware that these calls were never quick or quiet, but they were usually too entertaining to veto. So he decided to wait it out.

Goon 1: Um, should we wait?

Red Robin nodded.

Red Robin: You’ll want to hear this.

Spoiler swiped to answer the call, fully knowing her mother wouldn’t relent until they had a conversation. As soon as she picked up, she regretted it.

Crystal (Irish accent): Stephanie, darlin’, I’m so glad you could answer! I’m at Stop and Shop for a big shop, and since I’m staying with ya while my apartments' bein' fumigated, do you need me to pick up anythin'?

Spoiler groaned and clenched her fist, her anger boiling over. She remained silent for a few seconds, trying to keep her rage in check.

Crystal: I'm usin' my own money and ya don't got to pay me back. What you need? ... Hello? Are you too busy to talk?

Spoiler (with a hint of an Irish accent): Ma, yes! I am on a feckin’ mission! You knew this and you’re callin' me for feckin' snacks?!

Crystal (slightly shocked): Who do ya think yer talkin’ to? I knew bein’ around that rat bastard would influence ya the wrong way. I’m tryin’ to do the motherly thing and buy ya groceries, and this is how ya react?

Spoiler stared at the wall, debating whether to end the call. After a sigh of regret, she pressed on.

Spoiler: My boss isn’t why I’m responding this way. Ma, you rarely did this when I was a kid! So excuse me if I'm a little miffed that you’re calling me during a mission to ask what I want from your big shop!

Crystal: Aye, I’m well aware of my failings as a mum when ya were a wee child. But to correct my sins, I’m doin’ what mothers would do. I’m workin’ on betterin’ myself since findin’ the Lord, and that means buyin’ ya food. Guess that’s not good enough for ya.

Spoiler: Oh jeez, do not guilt trip me!

She turned around to see Red Robin and the goons looking over at her curiously.

Spoiler: I'll be back in a minute.

Red Robin (arms crossed): No problem. This is clearly an important phone call.

Spoiler (turning away from the group): Oh, shut up!

Crystal: Baby girl, don’t yell at ya friend.

Spoiler: This is worse than the times I dealt with Kite-Man! Ma, it’s grand that you found the Lord and all, but could you maybe send a text or something?

Crystal (indifferent): I walked in on ya with your first boyfriend. Callin’ ya at work ain’t an oddity. Now, back to the list—

Spoiler audibly groaned while pinching the bridge of her nose. The goon leader leaned towards Red Robin.

Goon leader: Is her mom not from America?

Red Robin: I will say yes to that, but not going to detail anything else.

Goon leader: Mm-hm, just wondering because my parents aren't from America and acted like that.

Spoiler (slight hiss in her raised voice): I heard that!

Crystal (overly focused on shopping): Darlin' do ya need eggs or any meats, or are ya vegan like that wee son of that rat bastard?

Spoiler (knocking her fist against her forehead, frustrated): Get the eggs, almond milk, bacon, and all the Shin Ramen they’ve got! Can I go now?

Crystal (focused on shopping): Ramen? Not while I'm stayin’ with ya. I’ll get the other items though. Oh, and some tampons, right?

Spoiler felt the eyes of Red Robin and the goons on her, refusing to look over at them, which only added to her stress.

Spoiler (rubbing her forehead): Aye. Aye. Aye! Can I hang up your priestess?!

Crystal: You may, but remember, ma loves ya. Say it before you hang up, or I will call ya back.

Spoiler (seething): Yeah, loves ya bunch, Ma!

Spoiler ended the call, hearing Oracle laugh in her earpiece. She spun around to face the group, all pretending they hadn’t been eavesdropping.

Spoiler (embarrassed and trying to sound threatening): Any of you say a single mocking word, and you'll feel me steel toed shoes in your groin!

[gothamite-rambler]

Switching Places (Jason and Bruce mind swap)

Context: Puppet master, a strange villain Dick Grayson has dealt with when he was in the Titans as a teen, has tracked him in Gotham and in the ensuing fight with him and the puppet, Jason tried to shoot the puppet, got knocked out and the puppet swapped his body with... somebodies.

Smoke around the bat members cleared as the Puppet Master had long ran off, blending into the shadows while cackling like a loon. The hero family were coughing trying to compose themselves. Nightwing looked around to make sure everyone was okay and in their original bodies.

Nightwing: All right, nobody panic, but is everyone in their bodies?

He looked at Red Robin who was checking his own body, suit and shoes then nodded with a sigh of relief.

Red Robin (running a hand through his hair): Yeah… in my own body. Thank God.

Nightwing patted himself down, giving his backside a quick check before sighing in relief.

Nightwing: Whew, I'm in my body. Goodie.

He grinned, a bit too proud of his own anatomy.

Robin (his eyebrow raised in skepticism): You patted your butt to check that?

Nightwing shrugged with a smile.

Nightwing: When it's not someone drooling over it, I don’t mind giving it some attention.

He winked playfully, trying to lighten the mood.

Robin rolled his eyes, giving his brother reassurance that he hadn’t switched bodies either.

Robin (confirming, shaking his head): You're ridiculous. But in case you were wondering, I haven't switched minds either. Thank God. I'd go insane if I switched places with any of you—especially Red Robin.

He shivered at the thought, clearly disgusted. Red Robin rolled his eyes, talking to Nightwing to see if they were all safe.

Red Robin (urgency in his voice): Trying not to panic, but where did the puppet go?

Nightwing scanned the area, turning around and noticing that the sentient puppet was gone.

Nightwing (worried, frowning): I'm not sure, but we're okay. I just have to find him and burn him to ashes—

Red Robin (interrupting, shaking his head): Signal told me burning paranormal objects is a bad idea.

Nightwing (sighing in frustration): Give me a break! I'm not used to body-swapping puppets! How did he even find me? Batman?

The trio looked over at Batman, who was silently staring at his hands, flipping them back and forth with growing concern.

Red Robin (concerned): Batman, you okay?

He stepped closer, his expression shifting to worry.

Robin (gently, noticing Batman's stillness): Father, you've been quiet for a few minutes. Everything—

He watched Batman with concern, sensing something was off. Robin was cut off as Batman started to breathe heavily, examining his suit—the emblem on the front, the cape, the boots—before turning to look at Red Hood, who was unconscious on the ground after the puppet had knocked him out.

The sight seemed to unnerve Batman even more. Once Red Hood began to wake up, touching his helmet and then looking at his hand, perplexed, Batman screamed in terror.

Red Robin (urgent): Stop screaming! We're in an alley!

Batman (Jason, panic rising in his voice): Sorry, sor—OH MY GOD, I SOUND LIKE HIM!

Batman looked around, realizing everyone was staring at him. He jumped back, eyes wide with surprise.

Batman (voice cracking, panic rising with each syllable): No, no, no, no! This has to be a nightmare!

Nightwing (calmly, trying to soothe): B, calm down! Breathe, the puppet master is gone.

He reached out, trying to steady Batman, but he only stepped back further. That comment of reassurance only made what the trio assumed was normal Batman panic more as he paced across the alley corner, tugging at the sides of his mask and muttering under his breath.

Nightwing (concerned as he stepped closer to the man): What is wrong? I've never seen you react like this.

Red Hood (sternly): That's because that's not me. We switched places.

He glared at the commotion, annoyance flashing across his face.

Robin (stretching the word out, shocked): Whaaaaaat?!

Red Robin's jaw dropped in disbelief, eyes darting between the others.

Nightwing (nervous, rubbing the back of his neck): Oh no.

He rubbed the back of his neck, anxiety bubbling beneath the surface.

Red Hood (as Batman, shouting): This is YOUR fault! Why didn't you burn the puppet?!

Red Hood, in Batman's body, tackled Nightwing to the ground, shaking him while shouting. He furiously shook Nightwing, his eyes blazing with irritation.

Nightwing (his head shaking back and forth): Burning him would've made it worse!

Red Hood (as Batman, demanding): Get him to change us back! Undo it!

Nightwing (dizzy, trying to regain composure): I have to find him first! Stop shaking me!

Batman (in Red Hood's body) approached the bickering brothers and separated them, pushing a panicked Jason (who was in his body) off Nightwing. Nightwing struggled to regain his balance as he staggered back to his feet.

Batman (as Red Hood, assertively): Calm down. This isn't that bad.

He tried to adopt an authoritative tone, but it sounded forced.

Red Hood (as Batman, exasperated): It’s my second worst nightmare! The first is becoming the Joker, but this? Why did this happen to me?!

Red Hood groaned, covering his face in frustration.

Red Hood: God, this suit feels so stupid!

He lamented dramatically, clearly hating the unfamiliar attire.

Batman (dryly): Rude and uncalled for. You're overreacting; this is an easy fix… I hope.

Batman sighed, tapping the red helmet he wasn't used to, then turned to Nightwing.

Batman: Is there anything actually bad we have to worry about?

His voice was tinged with irritation, but there was still an underlying worry.

Nightwing (trying to lighten the mood): No. When it happened to me, I was trapped in a doll, so you're experiencing what Star and Raven went through.

He gave a half-hearted chuckle, trying to ease the tension. That didn’t make the body-swapped father and son happy.

Red Robin (thoughtfully): It's strange that they didn’t switch voices, though.

He looked reflective, tapping his chin. Nightwing and Batman gaped at Red Robin, both expressing disbelief.

Batman (exasperated): We switched minds, not vocal cords!

He shook his head, irritation clear in his tone.

Red Robin (furrowing his brow): Oh, so… the voice swap doesn’t happen?

His brow furrowed in confusion.

Robin (rudely, with a smirk): You're exhausting.

Nightwing sighed, annoyed that this was happening.

Batman (frustrated): Oh my God—Red Hood, this helmet is stupid. Can I take it off?

He glared at the offending headgear as if it had personally insulted him.

Red Hood (defiant): If you take it off, I’ll remove this stupid cowl!

He shot back, crossing his arms defiantly.

Batman (calmly, but with a hint of softness): Okay, you're clearly shell-shocked from switching bodies with your father-in-law.

His expression softened slightly as he recognized Red Hood's distress.

Red Hood (playfully glaring at Red Robin): I'd rather switch brains with Red Robin!

He glared playfully at Red Robin, but a hint of desperation lingered.

Red Robin chuckled, shaking his head, unbothered by the insult. Robin joined in, laughing.

Red Hood (with mock despair): I never wanted this! This is such a cruel and unusual punishment. Haven't you given me enough grief?

He threw his hands up dramatically, frustration evident on his face.

Batman (smirking, crossing his arms): My apologies for you being in the body of Gotham’s greatest hero and protector. You want a tissue?

Red Hood groaned as he stood up, clearly annoyed.

Nightwing (assertively): I can fix this, but not quickly. The puppet master escaped. I told you to let me handle it, but nope! You had to try and shoot him, and Batman thought he could take down the magic puppet holding the tool he uses to switch bodies or turn us into his stupid puppets!

He paced back and forth, exasperated.

Batman (deflecting): Hm… Red Hood, clearly this is your fault. Apologize.

Red Hood kicked Batman in the shin. Due to the new Batsuit he was wearing, the boots were vastly different and heavier. Batman winced in pain, rubbing his shin.

Batman (annoyed): Stop acting like a child!

He glared down at Red Hood, his patience wearing thin.

Red Hood (frustrated): Stop being calm! There’s nothing okay about this!

He threw his hands up in frustration, his voice rising.

Batman (sternly): It's better to remain calm than to freak out like a child. Sorry for assuming you’d be behaving the same way.

He sighed, a hint of resignation in his voice.

Batman (looking away from his son, softer): Red Hood, you know what? You're right. I'm sorry for overreacting. I just never wanted to be in the body of a heavily traumatized man who gets pleasure from getting hit with whips and had his back broken twice! Not once, but twice!

His voice was laced with genuine distress, eyes wide with disbelief.

Batman (smirking but with a playful edge): Don’t make me criticize the Lazarus-mixed trauma sack I’m in. I’ll hurt your feelings.

He smirked, a playful note returning to his tone.

Red Hood (growing louder): Take that back!

He stomped his foot, glaring at Batman.

Nightwing (shouting, trying to be the voice of reason): Would you both shut the fuck up! It’ll take some time, but I will find the puppet master and smash him into pieces like Red Hood told me to. You’re going to be fine, but I doubt that’s happening tonight.

He threw his hands up in frustration, trying to maintain control.

Batman (exasperated): I knew you were going to say that!

He wanted to rub the temples of his forehead as a headache formed, but the helmet he was not used to was getting in the way.

Nightwing (grinning mischievously): You’re not going to like the next part then because it’s the plot of Freaky Friday.

He couldn’t suppress a grin, finding the situation almost amusing.

Red Hood (screaming, throwing his arms up in frustration): I don’t want that!

He scowled and shook his head vehemently.

Batman (flatly): I… watched that movie a long time ago, but I’m assuming we act like each other to avoid looking insane until you switch us back? Correct?

His voice was flat, but curiosity flickered in his eyes.

Nightwing (smirking reassuringly): Yeah… this creeps me out. Can you at least start pretending to be Red Hood now?

He glanced at Batman, a half-smile trying to break through the tension.

Robin (laughing to try and lighten the mood): This is hilarious! But I agree with Nightwing—this is so weird.

Red Hood (frustrated, throwing his hands up): Oh, shut up, all of you! Let’s just head home! I’m tired, and I’m the leader because I’m in Batman’s body!

He threw his hands up again, frustration palpable. Batman crossed his arms, but before he followed Red Hood, he pinched his eldest son's ear.

Batman (teasing): You can stay out and try to find the puppet. Maybe we can get this fixed before sunrise.

His voice held a teasing edge, his grip firm.

Nightwing (wincing): Ow! I doubt it, but Red Robin and I will search for him.

Robin darted off before he could be caught in the late-night search for a magical puppet capable of swapping bodies or using them as puppets.

Robin (calling back over his shoulder, laughter in his tone): I have a test tomorrow, ‘Father’—wait up!

Red Hood (irritated, glaring at Robin): Do not call me that!

Batman released Nightwing’s ear from his grip and walked off, pushing Red Robin closer to Nightwing as they left the alley. He wasn’t happy about the mind swap, but it wasn’t the first time this had happened to him, nor the oddest thing to occur in his life. Red Robin groaned, shoulders slumping, but he stayed back to help his frustrated brother find the creepy, walking cryptid.

Red Robin (supportively): I’m not going to lie, Signal would’ve left me to handle this alone, so I’m on board with helping you out.

Nightwing could only show a weary -smile while rubbing his forehead already done with this entire situation, but he had to fix it since this was a villain connected to him.

Nightwing (sighing): Thanks; we have a long night ahead of us.

He let out a resigned sigh, steeling himself for the challenge of finding a possibly demonic puppet and not being trapped in a doll again.

[gothamite-rambler]

Selina Kyle and her Roommates

Context: Selina's roommates are her cats and she's an awesome cat lady. Think I added the right number of cats?

Selina entered her fancy house, walking with elegance as she headed to her bedroom while faintly greeting her roommates.

Selina (talking to them): Sorry I've been busy! The life of an anti-hero never stops! It's exhausting.

Selina changed out of her leather catsuit and put on a set of comfy pajamas: an oversized shirt and pajama shorts. She went into the living room where her roommates were watching television.

Selina (knowing smile): Let me guess what you guys all day...

Selina stepped into her spacious living room, where her eleven cats occupied different spots. Some were on the couch, some in the lounge chairs, a few on the table, and two sprawled out on the floor, busy watching "Two and a Half Men." Most looked her way but stayed where they were.

Selina (waving her hands for the cats to notice her): Hello? I'm home. I swear you guys were supposed to be productive today. Cats or not you need to do something other than watch tv.

In response to that, one of the cats turned up the volume, making Selina chuckle as she placed her hands on her hips. Only her black donskoy cat went up to her meowing happily as she reached up their reached up Selina's leg for pets.

Selina (cooing): I missed you too, Pumpkin.

Selina walked over to the couch, with Pumpkin the cat following her to the empty spot she left for her. Selina grabbed the remote and changed the channel, making everyone but the purring Pumpkin complain in meows.

Selina (scolding mom voice): I told you to stop watching this trite. It stopped being funny after season one. Plus, I've been busy all day. Can I watch something?

The cats seemed to agree as they stared at the large TV, waiting for her to pick something to watch. Selina switched over to Netflix and started up an episode of "Seinfeld."

Selina (satisfied): There, classic good comedy.

A British shorthair grumbled, scooching next to Selina, displeased with the show she picked. Selina rolled her eyes.

Selina: Shush, I get it, you don't like this show. I bet you were the one that put "Two and a Half Men," Prince.

Prince the cat meowed with a bit of sassiness in his voice. Selina scratched his head, then sighed as Pumpkin rested on her leg, sleeping soundly.

Selina (sighing happily): This is the life sometimes. You're all the other reason I'm not a thief anymore, you know that?

Prince meowed in a matter-of-fact way as if to say, "We know."

[gothamite-rambler]

Duke Thomas gets added to the payroll

Bruce Wayne (seeing Duke walk past his office): Duke.

Duke backwards walked to Bruce’s office.

Duke: Sup?

Bruce: Did you check your bank account? The direct deposit should’ve hit.

Duke: The what? Oh you were serious about that?

Bruce: Of course, you’re not only my son, but you do work for me and you deserve an income.

Duke: Thanks dude, but I can’t take your money I work at the library.

Bruce: Duke, trust me. You deserve this. I do it for all my kids… except Tim.

Duke: Why not Tim?

Bruce: Long story… he owns part of my company, plus he- he definitely embezzled a lot of my funds before I noticed so him working at my company is his paycheck.

Duke (alarmed): That was him?!

Bruce: Yeah, but that’s not important currently. You enjoy your first payhcheck and I’m proud of you.

Duke: Thanks man.

Duke left the office, checking his phone as he walked to his room. He nearly dropped his phone seeing the four digits in his bank account that had five dollars in it three days ago.

Duke (shocked, happy): Three- Three thousand dollars?! Woooooooo! I’m eating good tonight! No wait, game stop here I come!

Duke ran out the house passing by Stephanie and Jason.

Duke: I can finally buy a PlayStation!

Jason: Wait until he finds out it’s a monthly payment.

Stephanie: I’ll tell him later. Want to go tell Tim about it first?

Jason: 100% yes.

[gothamite-rambler]

Flashback: Jason Todd when he discovered one of the trainers the Al Ghul's got for him is a child trafficker (based off a story from the book).

Jason: They ... were just children.

His trainer: Don't be so dramatic it was necessary.

Jason: They were just children ... and you were trafficking them.

His trainer: I did what is necessary-

Jason: THEY WERE JUST CHILDREN AND YOU TRAFFICKED THEM!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Jason: And then I murdered him, in cold blood. It was fun ... I think I felt true euphoria that day. Oh and I let the kids go.

Bruce: ...

Dick (whispering, impressed): Resist the urge to clap.

Tim (horrifed): Holy crap did you have to detail it!

Damian and Stephanie stood up and clap.

Cass (blank expression): Jason?

Jason: Yes?

Cass: I'll allow it.

Jason: Thanks.

Duke: Can somebody pass the cranberry sauce! Also can I go next, I can top Jason's story!

Bruce sighs.

Bruce: This is the weirdest fucking thanksgiving.

Alfred: Talia and Ra are here.

Bruce slammed his head on the table.

Dick: That means 'God... Damn it!'

[gothamite-rambler]

Penguin: Do you hear something?

The glass ceiling above them gave way and Red Hood descended to the ground. He all right, but incredibly sore and pissed off.

Red Hood: Why do so many Gotham buildings have glass ceilings?! Why haven't they taken care of this? Bat family members take up half the residents! These roofs should be redone to support our weight!

Nightwing (looking down): I'm going to drop down!

Red Hood: Not on me!

Nightwing dropped down, landing on Red Hood's hand and while it wasn't broken, it definitely hurt.

Red Hood (screaming in pain): I said not me!

Nightwing (dismissive): You've been through worse.

[gothamite-rambler]

He's asking the real question because Tim was a wild card when he first wanted to become a Robin

Dick: You ever think that if you had said no to Tim being the next Robin he would've become a villain instead?

Bruce Wayne spat his drink out in shock.

Bruce: I thought I was jumping to conclusions!

Dick: Yeah, nah I love Tim, he's my brother, but... Jesus Christ this could've been an 'Incredibles' situation. So I'm glad you put aside how you usually are and let him work with you.

Bruce: Thank you... Wait what do you mean how I usually am?

Dick stood up and walked off.

Bruce: The silence speaks volumes!

Dick: Don't care.

[gothamite-rambler]

"How am I the positive influence on this child?" Jason asked, shocked.

Talia walked over to Jason who was playing with toddler Damian.

Talia (worried): You told him?

Jason (holding a toddler Damian): For the... Hundredth time, I have not told him!

Talia: Okay, okay... Not any of his "sons" either?

Jason (annoyed): No.

Talia: Okay, I'm working on how to tell him. Damian is still a baby, I have time, currently convincing father to not kill Br-

Jason (disbelief): Talia... He's 3.

Talia: No, he's at least 1.

Jason looks at Damian as the toddler plays with a squishy ball.

Jason: He is 3. We met up 3 years ago when I saw him as a baby.

Damian: 3!

Jason: He also can talk.

Talia: Oh... I thought he was just an advanced baby. Nutty world.

Talia walked away laughing. Jason pinched the bridge of his nose.

Jason: The revenge will be worth it.

Damian yawned, resting his head on Jason's chest.

Jason (smiling): And you are a cute kid.

First part ---> Jason Todd knew about Damian Wayne's existence way before Bruce

[gothamite-rambler]

A million dollars

Duke: Would you slap your favorite brother for a million dollars?

Jason without a second thought kicked Tim in the face, sending him to the floor.

Tim (shocked, anger): What the fuck?!

Duke (deadpan): I said slap.

Jason: Oh right, hold on.

Jason helped Tim up and then back hand slapped him across the face. Tim spun around and collapsed to the ground again.

Tim: Ow, I bit my cheek that time!

Tim moaned in pain.

Jason (pretending to be ignorant): Wait did you say favorite brother? I thought you meant if I had to slap one.

Tim: You know that's not what he said!

Duke (amused): You'd win, but Holy pimp slap Batman. Damn!

Tim: How much can I get for this?

Tim kicked Jason in his crotch causing the man to fall to the ground as well. Duke took a sip from his coffee mug trying not to laugh.

[gothamite-rambler]

Older sibling vs second oldest sibling giving you advice

Dick: Obviously don’t go and do that—

Jason (interrupting): Hey, you do whatever you like!

Dick: We can’t condone that—

Jason shoved Dick out of the way and gripped Damian's shoulders.

Jason: No, we can’t? LIVE! Live!

Dick (pushing Jason away from Damian): You’re an asshole!

Jason: How’d you know my nickname?

Damian (holding a notepad): So… I do fight the bully?

Jason covered his older brother’s mouth.

Jason: You do it, and you make sure he remembers that pain!

Damian nodded as he jotted this down in the notepad.

Jason: Make it look like an accident. Bring him to the stairs if you have to.

Dick bit Jason's hand, and in retaliation, Jason tackled Dick to the ground. They started wrestling while Damian continued to take notes, just in case the stairs plan didn't work.