#batfamily chronicles microseries

[gothamite-rambler]

Harley applies to be part of the outlaws

Harley: I'm glad you could all be here today.

Jason: You just walked into my house without knocking.

Jason pointed to his front door, which hung precariously off its hinges. Roy and Artemis sat beside him on the couch, exchanging glances.

Harley: I scared off the Jehovah's Witnesses, though.

Artemis (interrupting Jason): Thanks for that. They won't leave anyone alone around here.

Harley: That’s what I’m here for—gettin' rid of nuisances like that. And I think I could be a valuable asset to the Outlaws team. I've come to apply for the job of Outlaw. Here’s my resume.

Harley handed Jason a neatly typed resume on pink paper. He accepted it reluctantly, unsure what to make of it—or the fact that a convicted felon had a resume.

Jason (exasperated): All you’ve listed under former employment is "former henchwoman" and "current therapist/psychologist." You’re not even licensed anymore.

Harley (pridefully): I’m a traveling therapist! No license needed for that. Besides, BetterHelp said I’m a shoo-in.

Jason: I’m conflicted about that last part, but I’m not hiring you. I don’t even hire people.

Harley (pointing at Jason’s teammates): Are they gettin' paid?

Jason (annoyed): We split the money, but that doesn’t mean—

Harley (interrupting): Artemis, Roy, do you get paid after a mission when it’s a job well done?

Roy: Yeah, Bizarro and Kori do too.

Jason (angry): I hate you.

Artemis (crossing her arms, enjoying this): He also gets us a meal afterward.

Jason groaned, burying his face in the resume.

Harley: Okay, so why can’t I get hired? And I’m not listin' the Joker as a previous employer. Sure, I did some goonin’ after leavin' him, but… come on, it’s the Joker. We all agree—fuck the Joker.

Harley fell silent, glancing around expectantly for support. Her spirits lifted when she caught sight of Artemis nodding in agreement.

Harley: See? Artemis agrees. I also listed a bunch of skills and included some solid references.

Jason: Ivy, Clayface, and King Shark are not what I’d call “great references.” Is Bruce’s name on there?!

Harley: Yes, yes it is! You can call him, too. He’ll give me a glowing recommendation.

Jason glared at the pink-printed resume, frustration bubbling inside him while his friends eagerly waited for him to make the call.

Jason: I keep glaring at this paper, but it won’t burn!

Artemis (amused): Well, we’re not doing anything until you call him.

[anonyunknownonearth]

what is this amazing post??? why is it hiding with only 12 notes???

Two years have passed since Tim lost both parents, but thank to help of his family and Jason Todd, Tim is adjusting to life better. Now he's up to stop Scarecrow.

Scarecrow (spraying his fear Toxin, and singing): Only love, only love can hurt like this, only love hurt like this, must've been a deadly-

Scarecrow's singing is interrupted when he spots Red Robin fighting one of his hired goons and wearing a face mask.

Scarecrow: Hey! Robin, over here.

Red Robin (punching a goon unconscious): Um, yes?

Scarecrow: You're back to work, you went missing for some time. Everything with you betta?

Red Robin (keeping a safe distance): Sort of, I'm not as depressed.

Scarecrow: That's good. Hey, don't tell Joker this, but I was worried you'd break and become him and that thought concerned me. Seeing you're not off the bloody deep end, makes me happy. When I see people go insane I want them to live and you seemed to be close to ending it. Don't do that, mate. Not at such a young age.

Red Robin: That's was the nicest thing you've said to me.

Scarecrow: Eh, you're not Batman... Or my father.

Red Robin: Thanks? But, um, I have to stop you.

Scarecrow: Nah, Batman can deal with me, I'm helping out Joker, crazy right? When we meet up again you can try to take my down. Either way, handle him yourself, it'll be a booster for you.

Red Robin (sniffling): You're right!

Batman (on comm): I wanted to fight the Joker.

Red Robin (pressing his comm button): Let me have this!

Oracle (on comm): The british failed psychologist is making you sniffle? Really?

Oracle cackled.

Red Robin (pressing the comm button): One moment Scarecrow- Oracle shut up, Batman can handle him! I'm taking down Joker!

Determined Red Robin ran off leaving a satisfied Scarecrow to continue spraying fear toxin.

Scarecrow: God that kid is a ticking time bomb at times... reminds me of myself when I killed my father. Good memories. If he ever goes insane though I'm going see if he needs a mentor. Great job Johnathan, still got it.

Pt 1

[gothamite-rambler]

That wasn't holy water, that was mop water!

Duke Thomas walked behind Jason Todd, holding a large bucket of warm water. He dumped the water over Jason's head.

Duke (shouting): The power of Christ compels you! You are now baptized! Haslababababa!

Jason: What the—? This isn't even holy water, you ass! Also, I am not a demon, a ghost, or a zombie!

Duke held the bucket like a weapon pretending to be doubtful about this claim.

Duke: You’re sure about that? Because that’s not uncommon in this world.

Jason: Yes, I’m fucking sure! All you did was toss fucking used mop water on me!

Jason stood up, sopping wet from the wretched smell of mop water soaking into his clothes. He glared at Duke, ready to punch him, but the younger man lobbed the bucket at his head and ran off.

Duke: Can’t hit me; it’d be a hate crime!

Duke dashed out of the house, laughing uncontrollably while Jason raced after him.

Jason: Stop using that as a defense!

Duke: Can’t hit me, though!

[gothamite-rambler]

The Ocean one of the many, many unexplored places.

Context: Bruce is headed to Atlantis to help Aquaman with an issue, but doesn't want to admit it's because they're friends and Jason tags along.

Batman: All right, the sea—the most mysterious place, with so much still undiscovered. It’s the last frontier on Earth that mankind hasn’t fully explored.

Silence for ten seconds.

Red Hood: What about space? There are planets that remain undiscovered by humans.

Batman: Okay… that’s somewhat true, but we’ve encountered aliens. Some members of the Justice League are aliens. Space is mostly explored.

Red Hood: Hm, what about parallel universes?

Batman: That doesn’t count.

Red Hood: How?

Batman: It’s a whole different subject, and I’ve been to different universes, so there.

Red Hood (trying to stump Batman): Death.

Batman: Well, you’d have the answer for that. If you remembered, you could answer the question.

Red Hood glares at Batman, then resumes staring out the sub window.

Batman: Uh-huh. What ever happened to your fire sword summoning powers?

Red Hood: What happened to Bat-Mite?

Batman: Not discussing that. As I stated, the ocean is a mysterious place that hasn’t been explored.

Red Hood (spiteful at this point): Antarctica.

Batman: I have a few answers for that, so point me.

Red Hood: All right... The entire god-awful Star Wars mythos, especially the Jedi!

Batman: I told you, midichlorians make sense!

Red Hood: They don’t, and you’re one of the only people who defended the actor who played Anakin.

Batman: I've stated this numerous times, bad direction was the issue—Silence is golden. Let’s sit in silence.

Red Hood: You’re still wrong.

Batman (parental tone): I will turn this submarine around!

Red Hood (smug): I’ve proven my point.

Batman: Why did you come with me? To annoy me? Because I can lower your monthly allowance.

Red Hood (threatening): And then I’ll shoot you in the kneecaps!

Batman (serious): Answer my question.

Red Hood (honest): I’ve never traveled to Atlantis before, and Aquaman was nice to me once, so I wanted to help.

Batman (suspicious): And?

Red Hood: And I want to see if mermaids look like they do in the Hans Christian Andersen book.

Batman (shrugging): Honestly, understandable.