#batfamily chronicles microseries

[gothamite-rambler]

"Are you dealing drugs?"

Bruce Wayne: You're not a drug dealer, are you?

Jason Todd spits his drink dramatically.

Jason: Whaaaaat... Noooooo. Oh my God—how could you even... Why would you accuse me of something so awful?!

Jason proceeds to fake cry, covering his eyes.

Jason: This hurts me so much... that you would accuse me of that.

Jason continued fake crying as Dick, Tim, and Damian looked on. Bruce's eyes widened in shock.

Bruce (panicked): Oh dear, I take it back!

Jason: You take it back? How can I go on after this betrayal?

Jason rested his head on Dick's shoulder continuing the facade. Dick could only shake his head with a smile.

Bruce: Oh God, um, I can send you an extra thousand. Stay there!

Bruce ran out of the room. Jason looked up to see if he's gone, then resumed drinking from his soda bottle.

Damian clapped, impressed.

Dick (sighing): You know that was wrong... But I can't blame you.

Tim (angry): He lied though!

Jason: I'm not a drug lord anymore.

Jason looked behind him.

Jason: I'm was one of the lower CEOs; I stepped down due to too much drama.

Damian (sincerely): Smart move.

Jason: Thank you.

Tim (chuckling angrily): He gave you an extra thousand... I'm actually pissed off, fucking bullshit!

Tim stormed off.

Tim (O.S.): I can't believe that didn't fucking work!

Dick: Bruce said he wouldn't give him an allowance because of the whole embezzling thing.

Damian: He has a trust fund and he gets paid by working at father's company yet he complains.

Jason: He was the one who told Bruce?

Damian (nodding): Yep.

Jason: All right, there's only one way to handle this and get two thousand.

Damian (earnestly): Make sure to sell it. Don't make the crying look forced.

Jason: Good advice.

Jason walked out of the living room.

Jason (fake sadness): Bruce, why would Tim lie like that?!

Damian: Grayson, that's why I favor him at times.

Dick (smiling): Fair enough.

[gothamite-rambler]

Giovanni was a (mostly) great dad

Batman: I get it you all resent your fathers-

Zatanna: I don't. I fuckin' love my dad. He taught me magic, always protected me, and one time he threw a party for me and got Sabrina Carpenter to sing at it. My dad's fuckin' awesome!

Jason (sitting next to the magician): Didn't he turn a man into a pile of sludge once?

Zatanna: Oh yeah, the guy was a creep who tried to seduce me when I was 16 and after I made it very clear I was not interested... He turned him into the sludge he was. The guy was a creep and walked after committing a whole lot of messed up crimes. Fuckin' love my dad!

Jason: I- I never had that with my dads!

Batman snuck out of the room before Jason could yell at him.

Zatanna: Come on, Jason. I'm taking you to get ice cream, you need it.

Jason (confused): You're being nice to me?

Zatanna: Dude, duh. You're like my fave person sometimes.

Jason (smiling): Oh... thanks.

[gothamite-rambler]

Jason Todd when he got his gun permit in New Jersey.

*based off the scene from Women Who Kill*

Gun shop owner (bored): How may I help you?

Jason (21): I need to buy a gun.

Gun shop owner (surprised): You have a permit?

Jason slapped that piece of paper on the counter with a grin.

Gun shop owner (eager he doesn't seem to be a criminal): Oh my God, this is real?! All right! Let's get started.

Jason: I'm going to like this place.

[gothamite-rambler]

Dick Grayson going through eldest child syndrome.

Dick Grayson: C'mon, take one for the team!

Jason Todd lay on the floor, bruised and exhausted.

Jason: No, I don’t want to. Let the team fail.

Dick: All right then.

Dick Grayson grabbed Jason’s leg and dragged him out of the room.

Jason: No, no, no! Let me rest! No!

------------------------------------------------

Dick: All right, let’s do this. Let’s take down Quilt Man!

Dick left as Bruce remained seated, silently hoping his son wouldn’t take him along. Dick walked back into the room and grabbed Bruce's arm, forcibly pulling him out of the chair.

Dick: Come on, I’m not doing this alone.

Bruce: I hate the Quilt Man! He’s your nemesis.

Dick: Shut it, and let’s go.

---------------------------------------------

Barbara: I’m not going to sit through the Star Wars prequels, and there’s nothing you can do to make me. I stop my chair from being rolled.

Dick blinked for a few seconds, then nodded. He proceeded to lift Barbara and her wheelchair with ease.

Barbara (remembering how strong her friend is): God damn it.

Dick: You will see the good in these movies.

Barbara: When pigs fly!

---------------------------------------------

Damian kicked his legs as Dick carried him into the doctor's office.

Damian: I don't want to get the booster shot! I don't want it!

Dick: I don’t care. Bruce is paying me to bring you here. Behave, or I won't take you out to eat.

Damian stopped kicking and screaming, crossing his arms in anger as Dick sat him in his chair.

---------------------------------------------

Dick: Tim?

Tim buried his head in his pillow.

Tim: Nope. Nope. Eat a cactus.

Dick (calm): Tim, you're going on this run.

Tim: You may be my hero, but not in the morning! I'm not running in a marathon with you. It's not happening.

Tim attempted to sleep, but Dick grabbed his leg and dragged him out of bed. Tim groaned as he was pulled out of his room but didn’t put up a fight.

[gothamite-rambler]

Harley applies to be part of the outlaws

Harley: I'm glad you could all be here today.

Jason: You just walked into my house without knocking.

Jason pointed to his front door, which hung precariously off its hinges. Roy and Artemis sat beside him on the couch, exchanging glances.

Harley: I scared off the Jehovah's Witnesses, though.

Artemis (interrupting Jason): Thanks for that. They won't leave anyone alone around here.

Harley: That’s what I’m here for—gettin' rid of nuisances like that. And I think I could be a valuable asset to the Outlaws team. I've come to apply for the job of Outlaw. Here’s my resume.

Harley handed Jason a neatly typed resume on pink paper. He accepted it reluctantly, unsure what to make of it—or the fact that a convicted felon had a resume.

Jason (exasperated): All you’ve listed under former employment is "former henchwoman" and "current therapist/psychologist." You’re not even licensed anymore.

Harley (pridefully): I’m a traveling therapist! No license needed for that. Besides, BetterHelp said I’m a shoo-in.

Jason: I’m conflicted about that last part, but I’m not hiring you. I don’t even hire people.

Harley (pointing at Jason’s teammates): Are they gettin' paid?

Jason (annoyed): We split the money, but that doesn’t mean—

Harley (interrupting): Artemis, Roy, do you get paid after a mission when it’s a job well done?

Roy: Yeah, Bizarro and Kori do too.

Jason (angry): I hate you.

Artemis (crossing her arms, enjoying this): He also gets us a meal afterward.

Jason groaned, burying his face in the resume.

Harley: Okay, so why can’t I get hired? And I’m not listin' the Joker as a previous employer. Sure, I did some goonin’ after leavin' him, but… come on, it’s the Joker. We all agree—fuck the Joker.

Harley fell silent, glancing around expectantly for support. Her spirits lifted when she caught sight of Artemis nodding in agreement.

Harley: See? Artemis agrees. I also listed a bunch of skills and included some solid references.

Jason: Ivy, Clayface, and King Shark are not what I’d call “great references.” Is Bruce’s name on there?!

Harley: Yes, yes it is! You can call him, too. He’ll give me a glowing recommendation.

Jason glared at the pink-printed resume, frustration bubbling inside him while his friends eagerly waited for him to make the call.

Jason: I keep glaring at this paper, but it won’t burn!

Artemis (amused): Well, we’re not doing anything until you call him.

[gothamite-rambler]

Wonder Woman and Jason Todd meeting years later

Wonder Woman spotted a tall man engaged in conversation with Batman, his facial features strikingly reminiscent of a young warrior she recalled as Bruce's sidekick. His life had been cut short in his teens, but he had miraculously been brought back to life. Although she hadn't seen him since his rebirth, she felt a surge of joy as she approached, trying to contain her excitement.

Wonder Woman (smiling): Jason?

Jason (eyes widening): Yeah—Oh my God, you’re—

In a moment of feigned shyness, Jason hid behind Batman, pretending to be unseen.

Batman (confused): Really? You’re embarrassed to talk to her?

Jason (sheepishly): I’ve done a lot of awful things, and I don’t want my favorite hero to see me like this.

Batman (offended): Favorite?

Wonder Woman (softly): If you’re worried I’m angry or judging you for what you’ve done... I’m not. I’ve heard you’re getting better... and that’s all that matters.

With a playfully firm motion, Wonder Woman shoved Batman aside, knocking him to the ground. She stepped closer to a nervous Jason, her expression warm and inviting.

Wonder Woman (smiling): You’ve grown into a handsome man. But if you were still on that path of vengeance... I wouldn’t be mad at you. I’d help you and give you a hug like this.

Without hesitation, Wonder Woman enveloped Jason in a warm embrace. For a moment, he was taken aback, but then he reciprocated, resting his head on her shoulder.

Wonder Woman: It’s so good to see you again.

Jason whimpered, tears welling in his eyes.

Wonder Woman: Yeah, I have that effect on my fans.

Meanwhile, Batman stood up, a look of disbelief on his face as he stumbled to his feet.

Batman (defensive): I would’ve moved if you asked!

Wonder Woman (placing her hand up to Batman's face): Not talking to you. You’ve brought this young warrior enough strife. Right now, he needs a hug from his favorite hero.

Batman: He’s not really a hugger.

Jason (muffled against her): Batman, I am not complaining. This is one of the few things I needed after being brought back to life.

Batman (irritated): Okay, hurry up, we have to go—

Wonder Woman playfully punched Batman in the chest. He fell back, gasping for air.

Wonder Woman (shaking her head): Tsk, tsk. Ignore him, Jason. Don’t tell anyone this, but you’re a billion times more precious than Dick Grayson.

Jason (grinning): I’m definitely rubbing that in his face later.

Wonder Woman (light-heartedly): And your hair looks quite pretty too.

Jason (sniffling): I’m going to let that go because the white streak is from being tossed in the Lazarus Pit. But that means a lot coming from you, so I’ll take it as a compliment.

Wonder Woman (sympathetically): Oh sweet Hera, do you want another minute for a hug?

Jason: Yes, please.

Batman (annoyed): Nah, don’t need help here. I’m fine.

[gothamite-rambler]

He knows and it's about time he tells Tim

Bernard (on the phone): Tim, sorry to bother you-

Tim, as red Robin: It's fine, but I am busy, make it quick.

Bernard: Sure, my laptop is being fixed, but I had to use one and the library is closed. I opened yours and-

Tim: CLOSE IT!

Bernard nodded, pretending to close it.

Bernard: Closed. What's with the reaction though? I was simply going to compliment these mock blue prints you made.

Tim: Mock blue prints, yep, yep, yep, yep, that's what those were. Not real. Thanks for the compliment.

Bernard: No problem. When will you be home from the circus?

Tim: The circus? Oh, right, another hour-

A crashing sound is heard and evil laughing from Killer Moth.

Tim: Maybe longer. Um, when you head out you can lock the door I have my keys.

Bernard pulled Tim's house key out of his pocket and chuckled.

Bernard: All right. Bye.

Tim: Bye!

The call ended abruptly, pulling Tim back into the fray against Killer Moth. Meanwhile, Bernard shifted his focus back to the blueprints for the Batmobile. One tab caught his eye, labeled 'Alterations for Robin Suit,' alongside a photo of Tim in his Robin costume.

Bernard (sighing with a smile): I wanted to wait for him to tell me, but...

Bernard closed the laptop, reminiscing about the moment he had gifted Tim the necklace a year ago. He remembered how deeply he loved him and how, regardless of Tim's reaction, he would always protect his boyfriend's hero identity. This realization solidified Bernard's decision—it was finally time to tell Tim that he knew he was Robin.

Bernard (resolute): It's time. This is gonna be a fun night. I swear though, he's freaking cute thinking he could hide it from me.

The night in question

The next morning

[gothamite-rambler]

Pie Prank Gone Wrong

Beast Boy (holding a cream pie): This is going to be so funny! Cyborg you want in on this?

Cyborg (sipping coffee from a distance): I'm not getting involved. I may be half-machine, but I'm not stupid.

Beast Boy: You're no fun dude. I bet when he gets hit with this pie he'll laugh.

Cyborg (doubtful): Mm-hm.

The door to Titans Headquarters slid open as two men entered, and Beast Boy immediately splattered the pie right into Jason Todd's face. Roy Harper took a few steps back, a mix of amusement and concern on his expression, while Jason stood there, pie still covering his features, unmoving and silent. Cyborg nodded, having anticipated that this was bound to go wrong.

Cyborg (holding up his coffee): Jason, good to see you!

Beast Boy (covering his mouth): Oh shoot, sorry dude! That was meant for Nightwing. Still funny though, right?

Jason wiped the remnants of the pie from his eyes, Roy Harper took a few more steps back, stifling laughter.

Jason (seething): That's real funny, man.

He forced a fake chuckle, still dripping pie filling.

Jason: Roy, can I see your bow and arrow, please?

Roy (hands over his bow): Sure thing!

Jason (still smirking at Beast Boy): You’ve got ten seconds and then I shoot you with these arrows. As a prank!

Beast Boy: You're kidding?

Jason: 10, 9, 8, 7—

Roy (chuckling): You should turn into a bird; this is not going to end well for you.

Beast Boy: On it!

In an instant, Beast Boy transforms into a hawk and flew out the door just as Jason finished counting down.

Jason: 1! Time to hunt!

Jason bolted after Beast Boy, a determined grin on his face while the animal changing hero flew away. Cyborg took another sip of his coffee while staying seated.

Cyborg: I was just here minding my own business.

Roy: Smart choice.

[gothamite-rambler]

"You had a bomb in what?!" Dick asked, calmly. Inspired by a tiktok video by Panda Redd.

Jason, Dick, and Cass were in the library. Dick stared at Jason in shock after being told that his little brother had a bomb placed in his helmet as a fail safe during his long term revenge plan.

Dick (voice trembling with anger): What the fuck is wrong with you?

Jason (raising his hands defensively): Look—

Dick (interrupting, nearly shouting): No, what the actual fuck is wrong with you? Your revenge plan involved possible suicide?!

Jason (stammering): No— not all the plans.

Cass (supportively, placing a hand on Jason's shoulder): Well, we're glad that never happened.

Dick (turning to Cass, exasperated): Cass, don’t be supportive.

He pointed back to Jason.

Dick (cont'd): Jason, what in the seven sectors of hell is wrong with you? You could’ve nuked an entire town with that bomb!

Jason (playing this off as nothing): Let’s not exaggerate. It wouldn’t be that big of a blast. It’d take out the equivalent of four blocks in a neighborhood... that’s so rare.

Dick dropped to the ground in a fetal position.

Dick (shouting): Why... why do you have that specific unit of measurement? What scenario would you be in where you’d kill that many people?

Jason sighed, crossing his arms.

Jason: Dickie, you're framing it like it’s a bad thing that I wired a bomb in my helmet. Like I was that unhinged during the revenge plan. It was just a fail-safe. You’re being so overdramatic.

Jason chuckled, playfully patting Cass on the back to join in the laughter. She simply sits there blankly, trying not to judge her brother.

Dick (now standing, righteously enraged) YOU HAD A BOMB IN YOUR HELMET!

Jason (putting on a half-hearted grin) Okay, it’s a little bad that I equipped my main method of protection with a fail-safe bomb. But I’m better now.

Dick (folding his arms tightly, pacing): That so-called fail-safe has been in a helmet that has cracked more than once!

Jason (bragging) I got lucky with the wiring, didn’t I? When I first put that in, I was learning how those wires worked without accidentally making it go off.

Dick (voice rising): Fucking what?!

Cass (placing her hand on Jason's shoulder): Jace, you're making it worse.

Jason nodded, going silent for a few seconds as Dick sat back down, resting his head in his hands in despair.

Dick (horrified): I hit you with an electrified stick numerous times... how did it not go off?

Jason looked at Cass, who shrugs, giving him the green light to respond.

Jason (with a sly smile) I’m not bad at bomb-making, but don’t worry, the bomb is deactivated. The only time I might reactivate it... is if I set it to trigger when I die.

Cass let out a deep sigh, shaking her head.

Jason (noticing Dick glaring at him): I gotta go!

Jason bolted causing Dick to chase after him, shouting like an angry parent.

Dick (yelling): Jason, remove the bomb! Remove the bomb!

Jason ran the other way; Dick’s pace didn't slow down.

Jason (pleading): That's my helmet! I can’t replace it!

Dick (frustrated) Buy another one!

Jason (desperately) Nooooo!

Dick (throwing his hands in the air): God damn it, Jason!

Cass (sucking in her bottom lip, looking concerned): Hm.

She quickly texted Bruce about the helmet bomb, asking him not to be too hard on Jason. Bruce replied back with a thumbs-up.

At TGIF with the DC Trinity

Bruce was out to lunch with his (sort of) friends his brow furrowed in thought.

Bruce (seriously): In a situation where he dies, he could rig the bomb to that and then it detonates. I have to use that if he ever turns evil again.

Diana and Clark shared a look of shock, exchanging worried glances.

Diana (leaning forward): Have you thought about getting Jason DNA tested?

Bruce (sighs deeply, shaking his head): I'm not responding to that...again.

[gothamite-rambler]

The one person Jason didn't have on his revenge list

Bruce: Get away from her!

Jason: Who?

Bruce pointed directly at Barbara, who had a gift bag on her lap. She glanced from Bruce to Jason.

Barbara (in a mock sad tone): I thought you gave this to me as a birthday gift.

Jason (defensive): It is, I promise you’re not on my list. Just open it.

Barbara: Okay, but if I die, I’m coming back as a ghost.

Barbara ripped off the gift wrapping and pulled out a large tumbler cup.

Jason: It’s for your drinks and stuff… it’s popular online. The ice doesn’t melt for hours.

Barbara sniffled, a smile breaking through.

Barbara: Thanks, Jason.

Bruce marched over and snatched the cup from her hands, opening the top to check for a bomb.

Jason: If there was a bomb in there, wouldn’t you have just tripped it?

Bruce (tossing the cup on Barbara's lap): Fair point. But why are you being nice to HER?!

Barbara (pridefully): Because I’m perfect.

Jason: And she’s a victim of the Joker. Why wouldn’t I be nice to her? She needs a win, and I’m glad she’s happy and healthy.

Barbara: I’ve always liked you too, Jason.

Dick chimed in from the side.

Dick (offended): Hurtful.

Bruce: Tim is in the hospital because of you, you slashed my tires, Dick is… I'm not even sure what's going on there, and you’re still a murderer!

Jason: And you threw a batarang at my neck, but I forgave you.

Bruce: You should have dodged!

Barbara defended Jason.

Barbara: That’s not how dodging works! We’ve all told you this!

Bruce: It’s not my fault you can’t dodge!

Babs, Jason, and Dick: Yelling “dodge,” tossing a weapon, and hoping we move isn’t how you teach us!

Bruce was offended.

Bruce: You know what… FUCK ALL OF YOU! I kept telling Alfred I didn’t want a child sidekick, and this is what happens to me! I’ve done NOTHING to warrant this!

Bruce stormed off in a huff, shoving Dick aside, even though he walked toward him on purpose.

Dick: You love us, Bruce! You just don’t want to admit it!

Bruce: Bah!

He sat in his car and angrily drove off to the hospital. Barbara patted her new tumbler, smiling.

Barbara: This is nice. Thanks, Jason. Now that you’re here, do you want to talk to Dick? I think it’s time you two patch things up—for me.

Jason sighed, regretting bringing Barbara to the park for this. Dick approached with a friendly smile, eager to chat with his little brother.

Dick: If it means anything, I forgive you for pretending to be me, sending Tim to the hospital again, and all our many fights.

Jason replied, his tone sweetly sarcastic.

Jason: OMG, that means… nothing to me. But I respect Babs, so sit on the grass. We can talk.

Dick: Yes!

[gothamite-rambler]

Barbara Petty Revenge

Context: Dick ate Barbara pastrami sandwich.

Barbara’s voice crackled through the comm as we Dick Grayson aka Nightwing stood alone on a rooftop, silhouetted against the skyline.

Barbara: Dickie bird, this is Oracle. What’s your location?

Dick crossed his arms and frowned, the tension evident on his face as he refused to respond. He knew she would be like this after eating her lunch, but in his defense the food wasn't labeled... and that was all he could use as a defense.

Barbara could feel the anger from his silence, so she continued to poke fun.

Barbara (mischievous smile as she speaks louder): Dickie bird, are you in? Dickie? Dickard? Dichard? Dickwad?

Dick pressed the comm button with an audible click, his face turning red with anger.

Dick (finally speaking, angry): Okay, that last one is intended to be insulting!

Barbara leans back in her chair, taking a sip from her tumler cup before putting on the theatrics.

Barbara (feigning shock): What am I doing wrong? These are nicknames connected to your main nickname, and I am simply calling you these as terms of endearment.

Dick shifts his weight, visibly irritated.

Dick: That is a damn lie! You are clearly doing this to mess with me because I ate that two-day-old pastrami sandwich! If you wanted it, label it!

Barbara put on a mock serious expression, placing her cup on the desk.

Barbara (fake stammering): I—What—I—I would never! I am simply being a friend. You eating the clearly pastrami-filled sandwich is not why I'm doing this. It's not like I'm the only other person who eats pastrami from the deli that's difficult to get to since I'm freaking paralyzed and it’s hard to take an Uber.

Dick rolled his eyes, a little smirk creeping onto his face despite himself.

Dick (trying to upset her): You snooze, you lose!

Barbara leaned forward, her eyes glinting with mischief.

Barbara: Mm-hm, mm-hm. Well, I am not being petty, just a friend. I even combined two of them—Dickard.

Barbara’s brows furrowed as she smiled, waiting for his neck move.

Dick (angry whisper): Dickard and Dichard aren’t what you call me! My name when I'm on patrol is Nightwing! I have been going by Nightwing for ten years! Say my damn hero name!

Barbara twirled her pen mockingly, pretending to be deep in thought.

Barbara (twirling her pen while pretending to think): Hm... I'm not sure, Dickard. Let me try to say it a few times: Nightwing, Nightwing, Nightwing... Chickenwing... Cockwing! Is that better?

Dick’s frustration boiled over, his body tense with anger as he raised his voice.

Dick: Keep talking, bitch, and I’ll tape your mouth shut! You call me by my name, Barbie, or—

Barbara, maintaining her sweet facade, leans back with her arms crossed.

Barbara (sickeningly sweet): Now, that’s not very nice. Dickwad, I was simply checking—

Dick jumping up and down in rage, clearly losing his patience.

Dick: I am not in the mood for this!

Suddenly, Bruce, in his Batman suit, enters the comm chat, his voice authoritative.

Bruce (entering the comm chat): Would you both stop being children! Oh my God, I will buy you a new sandwich, Oracle! Nightwing... you are grounded!

Barbara cackled hearing this news. She won, got a free sandiwch and got a grown man punished by his father. Dick shoulders slumped in shock.

Nightwing: What?! I didn't even do anything!

Bruce’s tone remains stern, emphasizing his frustration.

Batman: You are acting foolish in the middle of your job! And you threatened her! She is mocking you, yes, but she has not threatened you. You're grounded!

Barbara, taking advantage of the moment, shifted to a baby voice, playing innocent.

Barbara (baby voice): Yeah, I am a frail paralyzed lady. You might hurt me for harmless jokes? That’s so mean.

She chuckled softly in the background, further irritating Dick.

Dick (shrill voice): SHE'S LAUGHING AT ME IN THE BACKGROUND!

Bruce’s patience wears thin.

Batman: The people around you can hear you. Grounded! You are grounded! I don't care how old you are or if she picking on you, you are acting childish. I get you're upset Kori extended her vacation for three weeks, but during that time you are grounded! No missions, no fancy electronics, no hanging out with your friends. You're grounded for three weeks! Go home and think about what you did!

Dick stood there, arms crossed and lip quivering as if he were eight again, frustration radiating from him.

Dick: I—I—THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT!

He stomped away, the comm on his end disconnecting with a loud static pop. He fired up his grappling hook gun, swinging down from the rooftop, muttering to himself as he headed home.

Barbara: Mess with the queen, you get the gullitone.

Meanwhile on the streets of Gotham Bruce waited for Tim to return with the hot dogs he wanted Bruce to try. Tim, 19 and full of youthful energy, approached the caped crusader, holding a couple of hotdogs in hand.

Tim: What did I just walk over to?

Bruce: Nightwing is grounded.

Tim (confused): You grounded him? Like he's on punishment?

Bruce glanced at Tim, a hint of exasperation in his demeanor.

Bruce: Yep.

Tim raised an eyebrow in surprise.

Tim: But... he's in his twenties, he doesn't live with you— 'You're Batman' that’s the explanation, isn’t it?

Bruce gave a curt nod, looking slightly amused despite the situation.

Bruce: Yep.

Tim shrugs, accepting the absurdity of the situation.

Tim: All right then. At least it isn't me.

[gothamite-rambler]

Barbara telling her father she's Batgirl

(she can walk at this time, this is a year before she was shot and paralyzed)

Jim Gordon brought over two cups of tea for him and his daughter, then sat down at the small kitchen table in her apartment.

Jim: I’m going to set you up with a new place. This one looks worse every time I visit—not that it’s your fault.

Barbara (dryly): Nice save. You know I didn’t invite you over just to criticize my apartment again. Although, if you could put in a good word for that place near the precinct, that would be helpful and make for a great birthday gift.

Jim: I’ll add it to the birthday list. Sorry, sweetie; I just missed you, is all. But I’m ready to hear the big news you wanted to tell me.

Barbara held her head down, debating how to word this correctly. She had been rehearsing how to tell her father this secret—one she had buried since she first became Batgirl. How do you tell your police chief father that you're a vigilante? It wouldn’t be easy, but she had to rip the band-aid off.

Barbara (nervously fidgeting): Dad, I need to confess something, and I’m really not sure how you’ll take it.

Jim’s jaw tightened with concern, sensing that she was on the verge of divulging that she was giving Dick Grayson another shot at dating. After three breakups and him walking in on that, he couldn’t handle it again.

Jim (jaw tightening): I promise I won’t be mad… mostly.

Barbara (trying to sound confident): All right, don’t freak out. This is something I’ve been doing since… senior year in high school. I’ve been safe, and I can take care of myself, but for the last two decades… I’ve been—well, I am Batgirl.

Jim blinked in surprise, silence lingering for a few seconds as he processed the revelation, waiting for her to add more.

Jim: And?

Barbara (her heart racing): That’s it.

Jim (letting out a sigh of relief): That’s it? Whew, I thought you and that Grayson kid were dating again. I almost had a heart attack if you had said yes. I’m not going to lie; you two… well, that’s besides the point. Babs, I figured out that 'secret' years ago.

Barbara (eyes wide in shock): Fucking what?!

Jim (frowning, scolding): Language.

Barbara (huffing): It’s my cursing that bothers you? Dad, how did you figure it out?

Jim (nonchalantly): I’m a cop, Barbara. Not just any cop—I’m a police chief and detective. I’m trained to figure out bigger secrets. It all started when I noticed you acting suspiciously and spending time with the Grayson kid. I was terrified you two were back together, but then I pieced it together that you were Batgirl.

Barbara (wryly amused): You thought I was back with him and started spying on me to make sure he wouldn’t break my heart again? Don’t even answer. This is the consequence of having a father who’s a cop.

Barbara chuckled, shaking her head while placing her hand on her forehead. Jim joined her, patting his daughter on the leg.

Jim: Yes, yes, I realize how clingy that is. But in doing so, I found out you were Batgirl about two years ago. It’s all good. You being Batgirl is fine; I’ve accepted this. You’re right—you can take care of yourself, and I work in a dangerous job, too. I’m not a fan of vigilantism, but at least you don’t have a child sidekick.

Barbara (realization dawning): Is that why you were nicer to me last year?

Jim nodded with a smile.

Jim: Barbara, you can take care of yourself, and you’ve made me so proud. I’ve seen how heroic you can truly be. I love you, Babs. I was waiting for you to eventually tell me, and I’m glad you did.

Barbara paused, processing her father's words. Then she smiled and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Small tears fell from her eyes, but she wiped them away quickly, happy her father supported her.

Barbara: I love you too, Dad.

Jim (returning the embrace): One last thing though are you-

Barbara (chuckling, teasing): I’m not with ‘the Grayson boy’ and never will be.

Jim (sighing in exaggerated relief): Oh, thank the Lord!

Barbara pulled away, sniffling happily.

Jim: Since we’re revealing secrets, though, just throwing this on the table—I do have some guesses about who Batman might be. Want to tell me? It’s between us.

Barbara shook her head with a smile.

Barbara: You’ll figure it out, and then we can have a good laugh about it.

Jim (holding up his pinkie): I’m taking you up on that offer.

Barbara nodded, linking her pinkie with her father’s.

[gothamite-rambler]

Potato Casserole

Stephanie: What should I make for the potluck at Bruce’s place?

Crystal: Oh, Steph, all ya need is a sack of potatoes!

Crystal opened the fridge and pulled out a sack of potatoes.

Stephanie (confused): Those weren't in there earlier— Ma, did you sneak those in so I could make a traditional Irish meal?

Crystal (sheepishly): Maybe… but trust me, sweetie. A potato cheese casserole is the best. I never got to make it for ya—

Stephanie (crossing her arms): Because you were addicted to pills?

Crystal shook her head with a smile as she began to open the sack of potatoes.

Crystal: That was the old me. I have the Lord now, and we respect Him in this kitchen.

She pointed to a cross she had hung on the wall next to the fridge.

Stephanie (groaning): Ma, I told you to stop redesigning my kitchen when you're visiting! I’m like Catholic-adjacent!

Crystal: Aye, we’ll discuss that later. Grab some seasonings, and I’ll start chopping. If you’re going to this potluck, the dish you bring has to be scrummy.

Stephanie smiled, rolling her eyes, then shrugged and grabbed the seasonings she knew her mother had snuck in as well.

[gothamite-rambler]

Ra's had this coming

Batman and Red Hood make it to one of the many rooms that has a Lazarus pit and take a guess that Ra's Al Ghul already took a dive into his magical goop that drives people insane.

Red Hood (turning Batman the other way): Let's do a count before he emerges from the water.

Batman: I like that idea. Three.

Red Hood: Two.

Ra's Al Ghul (rising from the Lazarus pit): Heeeeey. Whaaat uppp it's meeee!

The duo turned around and then cover their eyes at the man's nakedness.

Batman: Well... I wish I hadn't seen that.

Ra's: Quit hating.

Red Hood (growling with anger): STOP! Oh God, put some pants on!

Ra's: You two are as pathetic as I remember. You thought you could kill me? Plebians!

Batman (gritted teeth): Don't let the intrusive thoughts say it.

Batman (V.O.): I'll let him say it.

Red Hood (speaking for Batman): Die already! ALSO PANTS!

Ra's (placing a towel around his waist): Can't kill the true powerful ruler!

Batman: I wish I could pour the remnants of what's left of the New Jersey River in this fucking pit!

Ra's: It's really cute you think you can successfully kill me, but I am Ra's and have a large amount of magical life reviving liquid, so not sure what you want to do from here.

Batman: Just fucking die, he shot you! Die!

Red Hood: Yes! Thank you! Fucking die already. Just die!

Ra's: Join my side or die yourself and then I revive you as my loyal servants.

Red Hood groaned, hitting his helmet with the side of his gun.

Batman (taking a deep breath): Okay, Hood, we don't shoot him, but we beat the ever loving shit out of him and act like this never happened. Count it as a birthday gift.

Red Hood: I think that works for me.

---one hour later---

Batman and Red Hood left the area after beating the confidence out of Ra's who rested in an infirmary in his castle. Talia, not personally caring about her father's injuries, chatted with Batman about Damian before he left.

Talia: Is Damian taking his vitamins?

Batman (lying): Yes, I'm giving him those definitely safe to take for children vitamins every single morning.

Talia (sighing relief and believing the b.s.): Oh good, have a safe trip back. My father is fine, pissed off and bruised, but you know breathing.

Batman: That's good, we're off.

Batman headed onto the bat jet as Talia headed back to the castle.

[gothamite-rambler]

just curious what version of Rose are you using for the text posts? in the comics I've read she has killed people but I'm definitely not a Rose expert and there's like 5 million different versions of every dc character

Hey this is a good question and I'm glad you asked. I'm going more for an anti-hero, but I based her off her character from teen titans go (the only good thing from the show), DC superhero girls (she was in one episode but I like how she was written) and then made her more laid back and flirtatious because she's more accepted into the titans.

She used to kill, but I kind of do what I see Jason as with the killing rule. Her allegiance to her father is one sided. He thinks she is after she was brainwashed into taking out her eye, but she's since snapped out of that and become her own hero. So like a couple things I've seen her in. 😊

[gothamite-rambler]

Penguin: Do you hear something?

The glass ceiling above them gave way and Red Hood descended to the ground. He all right, but incredibly sore and pissed off.

Red Hood: Why do so many Gotham buildings have glass ceilings?! Why haven't they taken care of this? Bat family members take up half the residents! These roofs should be redone to support our weight!

Nightwing (looking down): I'm going to drop down!

Red Hood: Not on me!

Nightwing dropped down, landing on Red Hood's hand and while it wasn't broken, it definitely hurt.

Red Hood (screaming in pain): I said not me!

Nightwing (dismissive): You've been through worse.