#Bad Therapy Why the Kids aren't Growing Up

[makiruz]

Abigail Shrier, the woman who wrote the anti-trans masc Bible has written another book, now about how therapy is messing with kids in general.

Seeing as a large part of Irreversible Damage was parents mad that their kids aren't dolls to be molded by parents but actual human beings with agency, I think I know where this might be going

[tanadrin]

I'm imagining the very unfortunate 13 year old trans boy who has top surgery and then grows more later as puberty progresses.

(I know that 13 year olds don't get top surgery unless there's something VERY weird/wrong [for instance: cancer] going on with the kid's body.)

Minors absolutely can and do get, for instance, breast implants--but only if they're cis, and only with parental permission. The fucked up thing is that a lot of medical procedures that are considered perfectly safe and uncontroversial as long as you're cis (puberty blockers, HRT, various kinds of plastic surgery) get rhetorically transformed into a big scary cloud of evil for trans people, and even transphobes who are nominally opposed to, say, breast implants for sixteen year olds certainly aren't going to spend nearly as much time, if any at all, railing against that sort of thing in public. Because all of this is a post-hoc justification for an intense disgust they feel at gender nonconformity, not actually a principled defense of anybody's rights.

This is also why you can't rhetorically pin them down on any single point. They'll lie about GCS; and when you point out that's a lie, they'll go "well, what about puberty blockers?" And if you point out that puberty blockers are pretty safe, were invented to treat precocious puberty in cis kids, and their effects are entirely reversible, they'll leap to bathrooms or FUD about nebulous issues of "women's rights," and if you try to pin them down about that, they'll circle right back around to lying about GCS, hoping any onlookers have forgotten about or missed that part of the discussion.

I have very little sympathy for people who argue so transparently in bad faith and whose pyschosexual obsessions are so nakedly on display. Books like Irreversible Damage lay bear the extent to which transphobia is almost wholly about cis peoples' anxiety about their own gender and gender expression, in the same way that homophobia is often straight people twisting themselves into knots about their own sexuality. What these people really need is therapy, or an ayahuasca retreat, or to do some yoga about it, but that would require the uncomfortable process of cultivating self-knowledge, so plan B is "make sure I don't have to be confronted with evidence that the human experience is more diverse and complicated than I have been previously willing to believe."

[somecunttookmyurl]

Hey, you recently mentioned somewhere about how growing pains aren't really a thing the way we think of them in the tags about a post about taking kids' pain seriously. And i've been sitting on that ever since, as someone who had severe 'growing pains' growing up that'd take me out for days but was told to stick it out. Thing is, they never went away and despite hitting 30 soon I regularly google something like 'growing pain in 20s' with some regularity.

I've finally bit the bullet, done the doctor marathon, ended up at a rheumathologist and was like 'idk i've had pain my entire life i was told it was normal'. (Didn't go over well, but how could it have.) Despite him then noting hypermobility he's adamant hsd or heds aren't worth looking into. And now i'm sat here like. Well, was it ever growing pains?

Could you talk more about what you meant with the growing pains? My mind is not letting it go

'growing pains' is something doctors say to dismiss pain in teens and children a lot.

the fact is, yes, some children get pains that are temporary and ultimately harmless and not at all related to growing in fact we don't know why it happens

the other fact is it tends to be limited to the ages of approximately 3 to 11, yet doctors use it to dismiss pain in teenagers - who still do a lot of growing often very quickly (especially boys).

it affects mostly if not exclusively the legs (notably calves and shins) and worsens following physical activity. yet doctors will often use it to handwave away any and all musculoskeletal pain

so yes there is a type of pain children (but not really teens) can experience in their lower legs. but not a) the rest of the body b) long-lasting c) bad all the time and d) it has nothing to do with actually growing

and frankly given we "don't know" why it happens at all i'd bet decent money there actually is a cause for whatever pain happened even if it was temporary. like doing the three-legged race wrong.

edit: sorry skipped over the hypermobile part. for some people (i hate them personally) hypermobility is not painful. for most people it IS. this is for the simple fact that your ligaments and tendons (connective tissue) are too stretchy so they aren't holding your joints in place as well as they should. so you know what has to pick up your slack? your larger muscles. you know what is built for movement and not 24-7 activation to keep you assembled? your muscles. they're doing something they're not supposed to have to do, and they're doing it all the time and they are fucking tired. unfortunately (i have hypermobile EDS and didnt get diagnosed until i was 28) there is no "cure" for this. the only treatments are stabilisation - physical therapy to try and build up the smaller stabilising muscles and support garments or things like k-tape to take the load off the bigger muscles by providing external support. also massage and heat to relieve the tension and tiredness.

[goodluckclove]

I've been meaning to say something. (100 follower hot take)

Hey! Thanks for stopping by. I hope you've had a nice day. Why don't you rest with me for a while? I made some chocolate chip cookies - with shortening instead of butter, so they're very soft and very chocolatey. I made way too many and they aren't my wife's favorite, so I could use some help in eating them.

You're probably a writer, right? Or maybe you think about how you could be. Browse the tags here, or on other social media platforms. Maybe you used to write stories as a kid. I bet those were fun. Teachers might've thought they were impressive, or they dissected them line by line until the words didn't make sense in your head anymore. Either way, if you're here you're probably here for a reason.

(rant alert)

I dipped a toe in online writing communities on and off. My last attempt was forty-five minutes scrolling through the writing hashtag on Youtube Shorts (so TikTok, I guess? I don't know). I didn't like it. I really didn't. The thing that sticks out the strongest in my mind is one particular video where a woman claims that every story needs a second act plot twist.

Huh? Every story? All of them? Why? Since when? Who are you? What qualifications do you have to make a statement like that?

That's the common thread that makes a lot of writing spaces very uncomfortable for me. Successful writers are really only successful in their genre and for the given moment, so they don't have that much objective authority in the craft. And yet I see a lot of people deciding the things that you can't do in writing. Or the things you have to do, and how you have to do them. It was so much of Writeblr at first glance that I almost dipped out once again. I didn't, though, and I'm glad I didn't because now I get to watch some of the next great storytellers from across the world grow and examine and forge their way forward.

No one can teach you how to write. No, that's not true. Teachers teach literacy. Handwriting. Typing maybe - do schools still teach typing? Let me try saying it in a different way - no one, not one single person on this goddamned planet, has the right to tell you how to make a story.

I was supposed to get my MFA in creative writing before my first breakdown. My uncle stayed in the program I was meant to be in, and a few years after I dropped out he graduated. Recently I had the thought to look up his thesis novella, and as I searched I found myself regretting my decision to leave school. If I stayed and got to develop my writing in an actual class, with other writers and a knowledgeable professor, how much further along would I be than where I am right now?

It was bad. His novella was terrible. It was so bad I had a small existential crisis for, like, three days. He spent so much money on years and years of professional education and came out with a truly soulless story that read as if you prompted an AI to write the next Great American Novel. So if you think you need a writing degree to be a legitimate author, it could help connections-wise, but it ultimately won't be the thing that does the work for you.

Not all advice I see online on writing is bad. I find the people who are able to capture the "I" statements of therapy and phrase advice as things that have worked for them, or things that they personally enjoy, to be fine. Some writing advice can spark inspiration.

But if someone is the type of person to boil every story down to troupes and cliches, and then immediately say that every story that uses the trait they don't like is automatically bad for everyone? I'm dropping the kindness for a second - that's trash. That's a trash take and I see far too many writers use it as a reason to stop before they begin.

I don't like whump. I say my reasons in previous posts if you go back through my blog. But you will never hear me say that any story with whump in it is bad, because I don't know that. You might prove me wrong. I am an adult human being and I have the humility to admit that I can like something I didn't expect to. I genuinely enjoy the direction of The Human Centipede (only the first one) and if you cringed just now that probably means you haven't seen it.

There are so many types of books and movies and plays and comics out there. To enjoy a specific genre is fine, to ignore the existence of everything else is a really, really, really odd thing to do. Maybe someone will hate your story because they think everything should be Neil Gaiman, and therefore have no way to understand your epistolary high-Western. You are not the wrong end of that situation just for existing.

And at there is a definite threshold on how many writing tips you can gather before they stop being useful. If you find them interesting, that's one thing. That's fine. But if the culture of creativity online has made you feel like you need to educate yourself on every possible angle before you can write a story, you are actively harming yourself.

Imagine taking the level of structure you put on yourself in that way and putting it on children playing pretend in the backyard. Oh, Susie, don't you know that it's overdone for your Kitsune have dead parents? Xyler, shouldn't you ask someone else before you decide how Spiderman would react to this? It would make no sense and they do not need it. Kids will make a whole world out of nothing and it's the most fucked thing in my heart that at some point they get access to Reddit and dipshits start insisting that's wrong.

They aren't wrong and you aren't either. Your favorite creative influencer can't tell you your story, strangers on the internet can't tell you your story, your teachers and loved ones can't tell you your story. They can influence it, but they can't write it honestly the way you can.

You do that. That's the thing you do.

Man that makes me upset. I can't tell you how to make a story, either. If anyone sends me asks for writing advice the most I'll do is say what I've done before hopping into your DMs and starting a direct conversation. it's so personal to each individual artist, and I'd like to think that the people selling these classes and software and promoting these platforms haven't thought about that before. Otherwise it does feel manipulative. If you have a willingness to practice and imagine and really experiment with the possibilities, you are ready to write your story.

And if it doesn't work? Try again. That's what you do.

Stephen King has written roughly a thousand books and maybe five of them have decent endings. He is unimaginably successful.

I'm rambling now. I think I got that out of my system. I was really worried to say this out of fear of being too weird or somehow reverse-gatekeeping so hard that it circles back into also being a bad thing. I've just spoken to a lot of people who I still think of throughout my day, and I truly ache for them to get past the fear of creation. Because it's worth it. It's worth it and it's fun, even when it's messy and you're tired.

Let it Be just came on. Beatles. I haven't listened to The Beatles in a long time. Feels a little apropos.

I love you, reader. Reader, Writer, Colleague. Take care of yourself. Especially the little you, still sitting there in the backyard of your soul, bathing in the sun with their bare feet in the damp earth.

Consider joining them, maybe.

[samiswifey]

Just Talk To Each Other

Pairing: Sam Carpenter x fem!reader

Warning: none

Summary: since the last ghostface attack Sam continued her therapy and met you there. As the weeks passed by you guys grew close and feeling definitely grew between you guys. However neither of you were ready to say anything in fear of losing the other.

It was six in the morning and you and Sam were both up early eating breakfast and making light conversation. Neither of you couldn't sleep for some reason, so you both decided to wake up make breakfast and just talk.

The conversation wasn't deep or super meaningful but it was calming and nice to just be around each other. You both have been through pretty similar things and it was comforting to be around somebody who understands what you've been through. Although neither you nor Sam would ever admit it really you both like that you got each other without having to say anything. It was nice.

"Your birthday is Saturday. Have any plans on what you would like to do?" Sam asked.

You shook your head as you frowned a little. "My birthday has never been celebrated. My mom was always too high or drunk to remember and my father hated my birthday because it reminds him of the day his life was ruined and refused to even celebrate it." You told her. "So I never celebrate my birthday. It comes and goes without much of a thought from me."

That made Sam extremely sad to hear and she couldn't help but feel bad for you. "If you could have your dream birthday celebration what would it be?" She asked. You thought for a moment before answering. "Dinner with friends at my favorite restaurant, ice cream at that new shop that opened up and then watching my favorite movie." You said. "I know it's not much or huge but it's what I've always wanted. A day focused on me, doing what I want."

Sam immediately kept that in her mind because she was going to make your birthday the best day ever! She was going to hopefully change it so that you now look forward to it every year. She's going to change your life.

"Don't forget I have therapy today. So I'll be back later than usual." You said.

Sam nodded but knotted her eyebrows together. "Why would I forget that?" She asked. You chuckled a little. "Because you have a million things on your plate and you tend to forget things. Also I know how you freak out when I'm not home on time." You said.

Sam wouldn't admit that you were about that but you were. However nobody can really blame her considering everything she's been through the last two years. It was understandable that she would be worried if you're not home on time.

"So how are things going with the sisters? Any attacks recently?" Beverly asked.

You frowned at her obvious dig at Sam's killer bloodline. "Sam wouldn't hurt me or anyone. Those rumors aren't true." You snapped. Beverly laughed as she narrowed her eyes at you. "Y/N I just don't get how you can trust someone like Sam who's father was a killer. If I was you I'd keep my guard up around psycho girl." She said.

You were growing increasingly angry at the girl. "Sam isn't psycho and she wouldn't hurt me. In fact she's the only person in this city that I know for a fact I can trust." You said strongly. Beverly laughed at that and quickly turned to face you.

"Y/N don't you find it strange how everyone who's been around her always winds up dead. Everywhere she goes ghostface comes back decides to going on a killing spree. Amber, Ritchie and his family all dead after they met Samantha. Anika dead after she met Sam and her sister, along with kids she used to babysit all got seriously injured because of her!" She fired. "You are next if you continue being around the daughter of a killer."

The anger in your eyes grew but immediately disappeared when you looked passed Beverly and noticed Sam standing there. "Sam."

Sam was tense as she held a paper bag in her hand and glanced between you and Beverly. "I just wanted to drop off your lunch since you forget it this morning." She spoke softly. You slowly approached her and took her hand. "Thank you Sammy. You're amazing." You said honestly. Sam relaxed when you said that and smiled a little. "We'll talk later." She said. You nodded at that. "Ok."

After Sam left you unloaded on Beverly in a very quiet but sturn way and told her to watch her mouth when it comes to Sam. That she didn't know the girl or what happened and she can't talk about things that she doesn't even know the truth about. She knows Reddit forms and the rumors, she doesn't know the truth like you do so she in less words should shut up.

Leaving the sandwich shop Sam immediately put her hands in her pockets. She was taking what Beverly said to heart right now because they girl wasn't wrong. People who come in contact with her do get hurt, they do get killed and it haunts her. She knows her father being ghostface ruins everyone's first impression of her. People don't trust her because they think she'll be just like her father, when that's never been the case. She's nothing like him and she really wished people would understand that.

Sitting alone Sam couldn't help but think about Beverly's words. They haven't left her head. However she's not trying that hard to not think of them. Everything said was true and she knew that but she tried not to believe it because she knew herself. At least she thinks she does.

"Sam what are you doing here?" Tara asked when she saw her sister.

Sam shrugged, with her hands still in her pockets. "I, uh, wanted to see you. See how your day has been." She said quickly. Tara knew it was more but didn't push her sister to tell her, so she just let it go for now. "Things are fine. I have a pretty big project due next week so I'll be spending the night at Mindy's so we can work together." She said. Sam nodded as her eyes looked all over. "Uh before that do you think you could help me?"

Tara was shaking her head as she watched Sam try (and fail) at making a cake. She didn't understand how Sam could be such a great cook but completely failed when it comes to baking. It really doesn't make any sense.

"Sam, I love you, but buy a cake!" Tara says. "You can order it today and have it ready by Saturday."

Sam pouted but agreed because that was a much easier idea then her trying to do this. "I guess you're right." She mumbles. Tara looks at her and stepped closer. "You never bake. After the cake you made for my birthday you swore off baking." She said. "So what made you change your mind now?"

Sam played with her fingers while completely avoiding eye contact with her younger sister. "I wanted to do something nice for Y/N's birthday. I wanted her to know that she's special to me." She said. "Do something for her."

Tara knew what her sister was saying without saying it. She knew because she was the same way with Amber, but unlike you, Amber didn't appreciate it.

"I haven't known Y/N long but I do think that whatever you do she'll love." She says.

Sam sighs as she continued playing with her fingers. "I know, but she told me what she wants. She told me how she wants a day about her and doing things she likes. So I'm trying to do that for her." She said. "I just want her to know that she's not ignored."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday came fast then expected and you found yourself wide awake in your room just wondering what today was going to bring you. Your birthday usually never felt any different from any other day of the year, but today it did. You could feel it in your heart that today was going to be different.

"Y/N are you up? I have something for you?" Sam said through the door.

You sat up and held a pillow close to you to protect yourself, for some reason. "Yeah I'm up." You called out. The door opened slowly and Sam came in holding a stack of pancakes in her hand. "First, happy birthday! And two, I've made pancakes because I know they're your favorite." She said softly. "I hope you like it."

You smiled as you took the plate from her. "Sammy this is great. Thank you so much." You said. Sam stood off to the side as she fiddled with her nails. "So what did you want to do? What are your plans?" She asked.

You shrugged as you cut up the pancakes. "I was thinking of getting take out and watching this movie I found. Nothing big." You said. Sam nodded as she looks at you. "Any thing else?" She questions. You felt confused by her question. "What else would we do?" You asked. "I mean, yes it's my birthday, but it's still just another day. Nothing special," you added.

Sam sits down at the edge of the bed. "Well, what have you been wanting to do that you haven't done?" She asked. You thought about it for a while because there was a lot you haven't done. "I would like to go to the museum. I never have been to one because my parents wouldn't let me and I have always wanted to go." Yo said. Sam smiles "done."

Standing at the entrance of the museum you couldn't believe that you were here. You thought it was all talk until you and crew actually arrived at the museum. You wanted to pay but they wouldn't let you. In fact Tara took your card and kept it on her so you couldn't pay for anything. Today was about you and they were all treating you to everything today.

Walking inside the group split up. They all went different directions, leaving you and Sam alone together. You smiled at her and took her hand as you led her towards the art section of the museum. Since you were an art major in college you loved learning about art. It was something you enjoyed doing in your free time.

As you two looked at the art on the walls you talked to Sam about everything you had learned about certain pictures. You told her what you remembered and she lit up as you explained things to her. It made your heart go crazy over the fact that she was obviously enjoying what you were telling her. People usually didn't care what you said, so having Sam actually care made you really happy.

Walking around slowly you and Sam held hands as you looked at everything. You guys made conversation about what you saw. You liked listening to Sam talk and it made you really happy that she was enjoying something that you liked. Her joy wasn't fake or forced and that was another positive about her. She was great.

Spending most of the day at the museum was an absolute dream come true for you! It was everything you imagined and more. Even though it was a very last minute plan Sam made every moment perfect. It was great.

Leaving the museum you and Sam were still holding hands as the group walked back to the car. Today has been great and you've only done two things. It was heartwarming that Sam would do this for you and you couldn't help but think about what you'd do to make it up to her because she really deserves this.

"Sam don't forget the cake!" Mindy blurted out, but quickly covered her mouth when everyone looked at her with harsh glares.

You looked at everyone. "What cake?" You asked. Sam was glaring at Mindy through the rearview mirror before looking at you. "I had a cake made three days ago for your birthday. It was supposed to be a surprise." She said. You smiled at her and took her hand. "I really appreciate that but I would have taken a box cake." You said.

"Oh Sam can't back. That's why she ordered one." Tara said easily, which made everyone laugh.

Sam rolls her eyes but smiled at you. "So would you mind picking up the cake first before we get food?" She asked. You shook your head. "Absolutely not."

Arriving at the cake shop Sam quickly gave the name of the order and waited with you as they went to go get the order. You looked at her. "Thank you for doing this. I really, really appreciate it." You said kindly. Sam smiled at you. "Don't mention it." She says. Things were quiet as you both locked eyes together, and it slowly felt like gravity was pulling you guys together. Neither of you stopped until you met in the middle and shared a kiss. It was quick and you both pulled away before things could go forward. Nothing was said as you both stood in silence together.

With the cake in hand you and Sam left in awkward silence as you got back in the car. You still sat next to her but neither of you said anything as she drove back home. You could really cut the tension with a knife but you both didn't know what to do. How do you talk about this? What do you say?

"Can we eat cake first before eating dinner?" Tara asked.

"Yeah I really want cake right now." Mindy added.

Sam speared you a quick glance before looking at the ground. "Only if it's ok with Y/N. It is her birthday and her cake." She said. Both Tara and Mindy looked at you, begging you to eat cake first. You sighed but smiled a little. "Go ahead. Have cake." You said easily. They both thanked you before running off to cut the cake.

After the cake had been cut and the food had been served the group gathered around the tv to watch the movie that you rented. It was a small indie film that had just been released to streaming and you were excited to watch. However things with Sam were still tense and you sat wondering if she was mad at you.

As the movie went on you just couldn't focus. Your mind was else where, wondering if Sam hated you. She has really talked much since the cake shpo and you were worried that she now hated you because of what happened. She must hate you for the kiss in the shop. Feeling overwhelmed you quickly excused yourself and left. You ran to the bathroom and locked yourself inside. You had to think.

"Ok what's going on?" Chad asked.

"Yeah you and Y/N have been acting weird since the cake shop." Tara pointed out. "So spill Sam."

Sam avoided eye contact with everyone as the played with her hands. "Uh... Well... We kissed. It was quick, very quick but we kissed." She said. They all looked at her and held back the burst of excitement they wanted to yell because they could tell that Sam was sad. "Then what's wrong?" Mindy asked. Sam frowned "I... Don't know. We didn't talk but things got so tense between us and I don't know what to do." She says. Chad, Tara and Mindy looked at her. "Talk to her Sam!"

Sitting alone you were trying to think of a way to talk to Sam and move past this. You hated the tension and you wanted to go back to how you were. However before you could think there was a soft tap on the door.

"Y/N can we talk?"

Slowly opening the door you were face with brown eyes staring right at you. "What did you want to talk about?" You asked softly. Sam closed her eyes for a second before opening them. It was taking all her strength to say what she was about to say.

"I like you Y/N. I've liked you for a while now but I never knew how to tell you. I'm not good with talking about my feelings, so sometimes I'll just react on them. I did that tonight because I couldn't hold back anymore. I just really-"

You cut her off by kissing her again. This time it was longer and filled with more passion as you poured everything you felt for her into that kiss. Since the moment you met Sam you liked her. She was beautiful, strong and had a great sense of humor. When you were alone you guys grew close. She knew things about you that nobody else did. You liked Sam.

Pulling away you smiled at her. "I like you to Sam. I always have." You said. Sam smiled and hugged you. "I'm really glad to hear that." She says. You laughed as you pulled away and smiled at her. Today has been one of the most amazing days ever and it's all thanks to Sam Carpenter.

[itsbansheebitch]

How to Word THIS

I tried rewriting this post so many times. I'm going to try bullet points instead.

I think all of these are good/true:

From my experience as an afab person raised similarly to a boy due to my father wanting a boy, I can confidently say that the emotional suppression that men and boys experience on a daily basis is frankly, inhumane.

Parents shouldn't speculate their kid(s) gender/sexuality/etc just because their kid is showing certain behaviors/having certain interests that aren't stereotypical for their assigned gender.

Parents should allow kids space to explore gender/sexuality, but make sure not to push them into anything.

Parents should allow their kids space to explore gender/sexuality, but make sure that their kid is first and foremost SAFE and HAPPY.

Emotional suppression is expected of men/boys, but science agrees that emotional suppression is in short, BAD FOR YOU.

"Be a man" is often used as a slap in the face to keep men/boys in line. You can imagine this isn't ideal if a boy is reporting bullying in school or a man is trying to bring up unsafe working conditions.

A lot of women have trauma about men (including myself), but this doesn't mean that a whole marginalized group should be excluded from sports (We're not going to re-segregate sports just because some people have trauma related to black people, are we?)

Men & boys' emotions should not only be accepted but ENCOURAGED!

Black men's emotions have been demonized for CENTURIES. Make sure to raise an eyebrow when you hear a black man experiencing anger described as "animalistic" or described with any other dehumanizing language.

Stop expecting men to do things you don't expect women to do! If you don't expect women to chase CEO positions, don't ask why a man isn't a CEO yet! Just like how you shouldn't expect a woman to be a wife and mother by 25 if that's not what you're expecting of men. And if you are having those kinds of standards then maybe lower them because both sides and both genders are extremely unrealistic!

Men aren't given the tools to describe their emotions! If you are wondering what a man thinks about a topic, a decision, etc, give them time to respond and let them know they have time to think! Give them time to think about their answer. If they want (ASK) you can offer an Emotion Wheel or a few (metaphorical) Mad Libs for them to start their answer with.

Alexithymia (also known as emotional colorblindness) is a phenomenon when someone has trouble describing their emotions. They feel all their emotions normally, but they struggle describing them or giving them detail.

Normative Male Alexithymia is a type of Alexithymia. It is called "Normative Male..." because in a lot of cultures (specifically western cultures) it is normal for men to suppress their emotions to the point of having trouble recalling names of emotions or describing them in detail when asked.

Alexithymia/Normative Male Alexithymia is a BIG reason why a lot of men struggle in therapy. It is also the reason why I, myself struggled (to communicate my thoughts) in therapy. Because I was raised to suppress my emotions and not communicate my thoughts.

I truly believe that if my upbringing was even a HINT a SLICE a BREATH a WHISPER a TINY BIT of what the average boy's upbringing is like, then our collective, societal treatment of men and boys is inhumane and inexcusable.

I know any boy or man that makes a post even hinting something like this would be attacked. This isn't me being a pick-me, this is me telling you that my dad was prepared to raise boys, he got girls, and I got a VERY different perspective because of it. I'm telling you right now that if how I was treated was even a hint of what the average boy gets growing up, then we owe men an apology. I'm not joking. This is not satire.

People talk about intersectionality, but rarely actually NAME boys and men as being a part of the discussion (unless they're the "villain"). I think we should do so more often. They are ALSO getting the short end of the stick. (Expecting to be part of an "Atom Family" and work ALL DAY??? NO THANKS)

[bijouxcarys]

I didn't have anywhere else to kind of talk about this, and I need to get it out of my system somehow, so I'm just putting this on here. Maybe someone can relate to it?

TW/ self-harm, suicidal ideology, please don't read this if it's going to potentially trigger you.

If you don't think this will trigger you, I still suggest you read on. Anyone around you could be experiencing this right now, and it's a very real thing.

Here's the reality of living as an adult with autism, who wasn't diagnosed until the age of 18.

It fucking sucks. To put it mildly.

Growing up as an undiagnosed autistic child is difficult. Especially if you are beaten down verbally by everybody to the point where you believe that you are, in fact, a bad kid. I'm convinced that's had a hand in why I'm so paranoid about my relationships with people. If I'm doing something to upset or annoy them.

You spend your entire childhood being told that you're the problem, when you're just trying to fucking survive in a world that's hard enough to live in without the added stress of developmental disorders, and you're going to believe for the rest of your life that you're the problem.

That is, unless you're able to go and see a therapist or counsellor.

Which leads me to my next point: we are conditioned to believe that we aren't allowed to ask for help, because we can never take on the advice anyways! 18 years of being told that I'm being dramatic, by my own counsellor as well, definitely dampens your willingness to attend any kind of talk therapy.

You get trauma building up over time from the rejection sensitivity, the amount of friend groups you plow through, the anxiety and depression that come as a result of how your brain is wired. It's not even that you have depression or anxiety; a lot of the time, they are symptoms of our autism. But they don't care. They'll feed us antidepressants.

I've been on antidepressant medication for a long time now. I'd argue about 6 years. I'm 22 now, on 200mg of sertraline daily. Last year I tried to come off my medication. Big mistake. Realised I'm kind of fucked without it.

Back in 2019, I used to take my antidepressant in liquid form because I had a sensitivity to swallowing pills. One day, my inability to read social cues and communicate effectively with my friends led me to drink the whole bottle of Fluoxetine.

When you're undiagnosed with autism and you have to go through regular life every day, it's damaging. So dangerous to the mental health of the child. The more we are put in situations that can overstimulate us, and overwhelm us, the more it takes from your ability to cope with life. You get beaten down, and beaten down, and beaten down, until you're an emotionless entity wandering the Earth with no solid ambitions or aspirations. You've spent your entire life in defense mode, mirroring everyone's behaviour and personalities so that you feel the tiniest bit "normal" out of pure survival, that you lose a sense of who you are as a person. You feel stripped of your personality. You don't know what you're doing.

Then you get thrust into the real world. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I don't know how to survive in a world that isn't made for me. I don't know how to tell people I'm autistic, because a) they very rarely understand what I mean by that, and what it entails, and b) I don't even know enough about my autism.

Why? Because I wasn't diagnosed until just before I turned 18 - got discharged from CAMHS (Child and Adolescence Mental Health Service) once I turned 18, with no referral to a counsellor that could help me, and no information on what the fuck I should do next.

I've stayed in education because it's the only thing I know how to survive. I went to college, university, and now I'm doing a master's degree online. And I still don't really know what my goal is in life.

I have no friends, and I flip-flop between being upset about it and being absolutely fine with it. I don't leave the house, I don't work, I even struggle to do the most basic of daily tasks.

I'm constantly fantasising about a life I could have, but ultimately realise I can't have.

My brain is fucked up, and I am traumatised by the life I've had to live and survive in. And now I'm stuck in survival mode.

And I don't know how to live, instead of simply exist.

That's where the suicidal ideology comes in. I'm constantly thinking about how much easier everything would be if I did just off myself. But the thing is, I'm not actively planning it, but the thought brings me great comfort. There's always a way out. And I can't expect that I'll leave this world any other way.

Now... when an autistic person, or any person, tells you that they don't want to die, but thinking about killing themselves brings them a sense of comfort and contentment... there's something wrong there.

There's nothing I want more than to start living. But when it takes 110% of my energy to do the bare minimum... living becomes synonymous with existing.

Not being taught how to deal with the meltdowns, the overstimulation, the understimulation, the food sensitivities, the way the world functions... has fucked me up, for myself, and for everyone else around me.

And when given the choice between spending the rest of my life putting all my energy into living the way I do now, and killing myself and saving myself from the pain, the latter sounds far more enticing.

I don't want to die. But to live is too much of an enigma to want anything other than the silence.

[winterrrnight]

okay girlboss i know as we discussed you have lotssss of WIP's but i come to you with a request anyways;

rafe x pogue!reader based on "want you back" by maisie peters. here are some lyrics from that song that make me absolutely need this fic and i know you're gonna agree:

"so i know, that you did bad, but if one more person says it i might go mad." (like HELLO THIS IS SO RAFE CODED ARE YOU KIDDING)

"and what was cheap to you, to me was all i had" (ALSO THIS ONE YUPPPP)

bonus: "til' you caught a teacher's daughter with a dangerous text, i read it like a bible and i wore it like a bulletproof vest" (bc this is so cute)

thank you for your time and consideration bestieeee

thank you for the request bff! It definitely took me some time but here we gooo we finally have it! I hope you enjoy and it's up to your expectations <3

want you back

PAIRING: soft!rafe cameron x pogue!gn!eader

SUMMARY: Rafe finally gets to reunite with the one who made him feel happy and loved after their heartbreaking time away from each other.

WARNINGS: starts off angsty but ends fluffy, swearing, alcohol, drugs, anxiety, kissing, OBX spoilers + ignore any small grammatical/spelling mistakes!

EDITH SPEAKS: I LOVE a good angst moment! Its like venting out all the emotions that bother me. Why go to therapy when you can write angsty fics?

Some canon events of Rafe are referred to in this fic, but we still get soft Rafe as we move on in the fic :) live laugh love soft Rafe 🤭🤭

Please like and/or reblog to show your support! Feedback is highly appreciated 🌼

navigation || join my taglist || requests

You let out a little scream when you suddenly feel Rafe's arms around your waist, lifting you up from the ground. You grasp onto his neck tightly, and just keep on laughing as Rafe runs with you in his arms.

He comes to a stop just before the sand ends and the water starts. He sets you down on the ground, and both of you sit down, the water washing up to your feet occasionally.

It's midnight, the moon is out, the water is rippling softly, and you're sitting next to the person who makes you smile as bright as the stars.

Life can't get more perfect.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

"So what, you're just going to leave me now? Whatever we had, it doesn't matter to you anymore?" You yell, tears brimming in your eyes.

"It's not like we were really together you know, you didn't exactly tell people I'm your boyfriend!" Rafe says back, his eyes as teary as yours.

He's right, what you had was more of a situationship. You never labelled him as your boyfriend, heck, you were always confused on what to call him each time you introduced him to people. What you had was too deep to be labelled as 'friendship', but in the back of your mind you were always scared on how things might change if you asked him to be your boyfriend.

"Whatever it may be Rafe! Didn't you feel happy with me? I know I was the happiest with you around." You take a step closer to him, but he takes one back, keeping the distance the same between you two. "You're gonna just leave me because you think me, a pogue, can't date you, a kook? When will we grow past this? Why are you letting a stupid class label decide if you and me should be together or not?"

Tears are now streaming down your face, staining your cheeks as the went down. Your eyes are bloodshot, and your head is pounding with a headache. But you ignore it all. You just want Rafe.

"I'm, I'm sorry," Rafe whispers, as he opens the door of your house and leaves. You want to run after him, stop him from leaving you, but your feet are glued to the ground. Why aren't you moving? Why aren't you on your knees begging him to stay? You hear the engine of his car revving, and from the open door, you see him drive to the horizon.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

Since Rafe left you that night, you haven't seen him even once. It's been around two months, and you returned to your regular pogue lifestyle with your best friends: nothing to lose, everything to gain.

The biggest problem you have at hand is to find El Dorado before Singh does. It's been the only thing everyone has been able to talk about, especially after the return of Big John. You've been extremely devoted to this hunt, but every now and then, your mind slips back to you and Rafe.

You aren't sure with whom you can open up about this entire situation with. You've only been digging your emotions deeper and deeper in you, and you're afraid one day you'll just pop with all your pent up emotions.

All of you are sitting around a bonfire, and JJ comes and passes all of you some drinks. You really feel like drinking today, to not feel something and set your heart free for just a while.

But how were you supposed to know that with the alcohol buzzing in your system you will feel every emotion exponentially?

You had downed a number of cups of alcohol, a lot more than everyone else. Everyone except JJ was extremely concerned for you; all JJ did was just peg you on because you don't consume alcohol very often.

"I just miss him so much!" You say, wailing. Alcohol has spread all throughout your body, and you just have this urge to let out every single emotion.

You had popped.

"It's okay," Kiara says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and trying her best to comfort you.

"It's not Kie!" You remove her arm from you and get up from you position on the sand. You just want him right now, you want him to wrap his arms around you, kiss your forehead and whisper the sweetest nothings in your ears.

"Why do you even miss him so much?" John B says. "He just ruined everything for us. Especially when he stole the cross from Pope. And he left you because he thinks you aren't the right class. Do you not see how messed up this is?"

"Can you stop saying shit about him?" You snap. "I know what he did okay? But I was the one who got to see the vulnerable side of him. The side of him which only cared for the two of us. We could've been something, you know? But this ridiculous treasure hunt of yours just got in the way."

John B starts to get riled up at your words. He knows you wouldn't say half these things if it isn't for the alcohol in your body, but he cannot help but feel angry on how you are blaming him for everything that happened.

"Oh so now it's my fault? Rafe was never supposed to stick his nose in this! The cross is Pope's family history, and it belongs to him. Rafe's just a greedy person who only cares about the money. We wanted to preserve Pope's heritage." John B snaps back at you. Sarah comes in between the two of you, fearing any more traction.

"John B, leave this matter alone okay?" She whispers to him, and tries to get him aside. Sarah looks at you sympathetically, she knows you'll regret everything you've just said when you'll get sober. She now walks up to you.

"We need to get you to bed right now okay?" She tried to look at you in your eyes, but you dodge them. Sarah motions to JJ and Pope towards you, and they both come up, taking one each of your arms and to lead you to your place.

When you three reach your house and JJ lays you down in bed, you feel tears forming in your eyes. "I really miss him J," you sniffle, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. He looks at you with a sorrowful look on his face. JJ hates Rafe's guts, especially after how horribly he treated you, but he hates to see his best friend in this situation even more.

"You'll be fine," he says softly. "You're the strongest person I know, and you'll be okay." You let his words sink in you, as your mind starts to slowly drift off to sleep.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

Rafe is nervously pacing around his room, his teeth chewing away on his nails. The anxiety is spreading around like plague in his mind, and he just cannot get to stop thinking about it.

A deal he made with someone to sell some of the melted gold of the cross headed towards a direction he was not expecting. He's tried to think out a way out of this, but nothing seems to be the right solution.

Oh, only if you were there with him. You would softly run your fingers through his head and massage his scalp. "It's all going to be okay," you would mumble to him. And each time you told him that, everything did turn out to be okay. But right now you aren't there with him. And he craves you right now more than anything.

With a sudden impulsiveness, he gets his phone and finds your contact. His finger hovers over your name, does he take the risk of calling you or just forgets about it all?

He knows no one will approve of it. After all, you're a pogue. You have no place with all the kooks with their big mansions and their Maseratis in their backyards. But he longed you, he longed for your touch.

The last thing that Rafe cared about was you being a pogue. It didn't matter to him, all he wanted was you. But everyone else got to his head and made him believe you just don't belong with him.

"Are you sure you want to be with that filthy Pogue? After all, you may end up losing all your money." They would say, referring to how you're only with him because you care about the money he has.

"You don't belong with a pogue, Rafe. Come on man you're better than this." They would say, connecting a string of bad words with your name.

"What would everyone say? Did you even think about your reputation? You are a Cameron for god's sake." They would say, deeming you unworthy.

He shakes the thoughts out of his head. He knows he needs you more than anything else right now. Letting his spontaneity take over, he clicks on your contact.

His heart beats fast as he hears the ringing through the phone. And it almost stops when you pick up.

"Hello?" You say, groggily. You were just taking a nap and getting a call right in between wasn't what you wanted. You didn't even see who called you, you just accepted the call with your eyes almost closed.

"Uh, hey," Rafe says. You immediately sit up in bed. Why is Rafe calling you?

"Rafe?" You say. At this point, Rafe almost feels like melting. He hasn't heard your voice in months, and the sweetness of your voice is something he missed a lot. Everything starts to feel so much to him, and tears start to stream their way down as he sniffles silently.

"Rafe, are you crying? Are you okay?" You're now completely awake, ready to jump off the couch if he wants you there with him.

"Yeah, uh, I'm okay." He says, wiping off his tears. But that's pretty much useless, he just keeps on melting more and more on hearing you. Oh how he missed your voice.

There is a silence between you two, and you can hear each other's soft breathing. You missed him, you missed him a lot. You hated hearing everyone say he's a horrible person; you saw a side of him he never shows anyone. He made you feel so special, and now you feel like digging yourself in a hole, because you wish you weren't so afraid to ask him to be something more when you had the chance.

"I miss you," you blurt, not expecting it to happen. Rafe, on the other end, hears those words with widened eyes.

You miss him? He thought you probably hate his guts for the way he left you.

But you couldn't hate him. How can you hate the only person who made you feel complete?

"I miss you more," Rafe whispers. The tears don't stop, they keep on coming down like two waterfalls. He doesn't want them to stop either. He's finally feeling something. It had been way too long of being numb, not knowing what feeling is striking him.

You have had enough. You get up from your couch and start to make your way out of your house. "Rafe, are you at your home?"

Rafe gets confused on those words. "Yeah, why?"

You get out of your house and close the door behind you.

"I'm coming over."

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

You reach outside Tannyhill, and take in its view. You haven't seen it in so long, and you'd almost forgotten how big it is. You step up onto the porch, your heart beating very fast. Before you can ring the bell, the door opens and you see Rafe.

The world stops spinning. Rafe has buzzed all his hair off, but when you look in his eyes, all you see is emptiness. They've lost the charm which made you fall for him in the first place.

Rafe looks at you with utter shock. You've gone so pale; all the color is drained from your face. There are eyebags under your eyes, and you look extremely tired.

Without thinking anything, you run into his arms. His gentle touch, his soothing words, his relaxed breathing, all remind you of one thing: home. He's everything home is. His familiar scent immediately calms you down, and you start to sob, which becomes more and more violent with each passing second.

You drop down on your knees with Rafe still holding you. You can't believe you had almost started living a life without him in it. You had almost lost the one person who understood you without you having to say anything.

Rafe finds himself breaking inside on seeing you in this condition. He's the cause of it, if he wouldn't have given into the peer pressure of leaving you so easily, he would never have to see this day.

"I'm so so sorry bubs," he says, hugging you so tightly, his head resting in the crook of your neck. "I'm so very sorry. This happened all because of me."

"Sweets-" you start, but he cuts you off.

"Listen to me first, please." He pleads. "I never intended to do that to you. I hate to say this, but I was pressured to leave you. Everyone put this thought in my head that I don't belong with you solely because you're a pogue. They got to my head. That's the biggest fucking mistake of my life. I don't care you're a pogue. I wanted to make you mine, but before I can do that I left you, ghosted you completely. I'm so sorry, I promise to never leave you again."

You look at him with your red, rheumy eyes. The side which made you fall in love with him; his vulnerable side, is showing again and you are just breaking apart from the inside. Oh, how you missed the way he held you so close to him.

You softly hold his face in your hands and press your lips against his. You trace his lips with yours as you move closer to him, his arms snaked around your waist so tightly; he won't let you go again.

You missed the feeling of his lips on your own, the slight taste of the cigarettes he smokes lying on them. You missed your skin against his, the warmth radiating from his body to yours and making you all fuzzy on the inside.

Rafe will never leave you again. He will kill the one who says you don't deserve to be his, because no one in the world deserves you more than he does.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

TAGLIST: @runningfrom2am @ragingsammie @maybankslover

(if you want to be added, check out the 'join my taglist' post linked at the top! + send in requests if you have any!)

[jitterbugjive]

I hate that people can easily find the stupid and shitty things I said and did over 5 years ago and jump to the conclusion that that's who I am, and there's no easy way for anyone to see all the efforts I've been making since then to NOT be that person. It's hard to find all my apologies and explanations because I didn't tag them all properly. I've tried time and time again to explain that I was mimicking the behavior bad adults gave me when I was growing up and that no one really called me out on that behavior until it was too late. I've tried to explain that since then I've been going through extensive therapy to separate bad learned behavior from who I want to actually be. There's so much more to this whole story than what one small chunk of the internet is making it out to be. People who actually know me know that this has been eating me up constantly and that I am always living in fear of losing everything to this drama.

especially since some of that info takes quotes out of context, jumps to conclusions that aren't true, or flat out lies about what certain artworks are depicting or meaning to convey (Like claiming a grown ass adult is a child even tho I have proof the character looks totally different as an adult than as a child, or claiming that a shock piece meant to make people reel back in horror was a fetish when it was not at all that)

It takes clips of things without the full picture and puts words in my mouth.

Here's a little something about how I used to talk about sore subjects: I would make a controversial sounding statement, but then I would explain myself in a way that would show the statement wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. A lot of the time they just take that bad statement and paste it for the world to see, without giving any of that context of me explaining why I said that and why it's not what it sounds like.

I wish people were smart enough to spot cherry picking when they see it, but they just aren't. They'll see one sentence, and someone saying "look they're supporting this bad thing" and that's all they need to think that's what it is. People aren't smart enough to really ask questions and try to understand a situation, all they want is face value to tell them how to think and feel.

People aren't going to bother to listen to me because I'm "the bad guy" and I'll "say anything to cover my ass".

Listen, if I was really that horrible of a person, don't you think there would be more evidence out there that is very clear and blunt and not just making assumptions on what a thing means?

I'm never gonna sit here and say what I said and did wasn't wrong, it was, but it was not done because I was trying to be a terrible person or prey on anyone. It was because I was insanely misguided by someone who groomed me for 5 years since childhood and then abused me for another 3 in a really toxic relationship. And then I never got HELP for it, I never got therapy to cope with it, I never even realized until way later that 'holy shit this person was 7 years older than me and was taking advantage of me the whole time'. Like I knew they were abusive but adults being friends with children was so normalized in my head, and throughout my life many adults or older kids exposed me to things I shouldn't have been and it skewed in my head what was appropriate behavior or not. Or what was okay to draw or not. And a lot of my opinions were formed around this adult who convinced me things like loli/shota were fine as long as they were strictly made up, and he fed me a lot of nonsense about what does and doesn't make a predator to cover his own ass. I was seriously fucked up almost beyond repair for a long time.

I have a warning on my blog now that minors shouldn't be following me, I make it a point to not ever work with minors on projects or talk to a minor in any capacity beyond a fan to artist relationship. I understand now that it is my responsibility as a NSFW artist that I simply cannot have minors as friends. And being much older now I don't even want minors as friends anyway. When I was in my early 20s the age gap didn't feel as bad but I'm definitely feeling it now and I just don't want to deal with minors any more.

I'm not a danger to anyone, I'm not spewing apologetics for horrible people, I've been doing my best to be a much better and more informed person

And I have no easy way to prove any of it in a way that will matter

I'm only talking about this now because once again I was kicked out of something because someone found that old info and that was all it took. No one cares about my side of things.

And I don't know if this will ever go away

I don't know if I'll ever find any amount of comfortable success because I can't get rid of this shit and on the internet it doesn't matter how long ago you did something or how much you've changed, you did it and therefor you're bad forever.

I hate this shit so much.

[stalkersdiary]

~ Be Polite Or Leave Me The Fuck Alone ~

This is less of my usual content and more of a vent about the weird fucking people that send me shit in the inbox. Why do people with no tact or age attempt to write me? I'm just a random guy with health conditions. If you make me feel like I have to check to see if you have an age in your bio, I will probably not respond to you. In fact, some of you, I block because I think there's a HIGH possibility you're a minor, even if you DO have an age. You act like a child, type like one, and are as annoying as one. Don't fucking write me if you can't be polite and reasonable. That being said I'm going to give simple brief answers to the messages I got flooded with this last month. 1. I like MLP, Miraculous Ladybug, LoliRock, and Bluey, and while I watch some kid shows, that doesn't mean I want to talk to children. I'm a fucking bitch, I hate kids, and I don't talk to insolent people. I just watch kid shows because it makes me happy sometimes and feels like it repairs part of my childhood. Yes, I know, I need to seek therapy. I HAVE A THERAPIST. They TOLD ME this was a healthy option. 2. I am a boy despite what people think after meeting me in person or seeing me on camera. I'm an intersex man and I was born both male and female. I do however identify as a man and no, my body is none of your business. I don't care that you "Saw my dick and my boobs on Chaturbate." Don't talk about that shit to a stranger because it's creepy and I will crack a bottle over your head if I see you IRL. I'm not afraid of violence, I'm afraid of going to jail. 3. I have been in different media and I have worked for controversial people. NO. I DON'T SHARE THEIR VIEWS. WHY WOULD I? Does every Amazon worker have late night chats with Jeff Bezos about how he should run his company? OF COURSE NOT. Just because I voiced in a commercial for a creepy man once doesn't mean I believe what he does or did is good. I'm just an actor. If I knew he'd be such a HORRIBLE PERSON, I wouldn't have worked for him. Lastly, 4. if my existence is sooooo offensive to you, that you want to cancel me for speaking about health and autonomy, take this shit to your voting booth. I know I'm a pastor. Do you think the people who listen to me care that I want everyone to have equal rights and the freedom to talk about how they feel? Well you're right, they ENCOURAGE me to go to protests and teach the truth behind God's words. God tells you to love. God tells you that EVERYONE has sinned. You aren't better than that random person you screamed F@ggot at. You're just as bad as them. Grow the fuck up. If you expected something else from me, I recommend looking at who you're talking to. Remember to close the Stalker's Diary. Mxster R doesn't want any more visitors tonight.

[shadowsandsunset]

Spoilers for s7e5 9-1-1 under cut:

So I'm watching live and I am missing parts because of a tornado warning but:

Opening? Funny as hell. Poor Eddie. His poor balls.

Karen and Hen preparing for a baby with Chim and Maddie and then not getting a baby? But a little girl age 9? Interesting.

Buck being awkward and closeted with Tommy.

Eddie interrupting? Marisol moving in? Ooooof.

Tommy being like "I don't think you're ready" ow my heart. He's absolutely right to do so. Love Tommy!

Hen and Karen meeting the little girl.

Tornado warning. Ugh. Btw, I'm out of the path of the tornado warning, it's further south of me but I'm getting the warning anyway.

Buck going to Maddie for advice and then playing the pronoun game "this person".

Maddie catching on... "Now you're more than an ally"

Then.... "it's the same Tommy... Eddie's friend..." With a frankly judgy stare Lmfao

Maddie is giving good advice even if taken off guard but being supportive like we knew she would be. Maddie is awesome.

Then Eddie and Marisol in bed in the next scene...her boxes everywhere.

Also hello shirtless Eddie, welcome back, good to see ya.

Marisol was almost a fucking Nun??? Eddie making jokes about being spanked...

Back to the little traumatized girl with Hen and Karen. Karen and Hen are such good moms. This poor kid tho. I don't know what has happened to this kid but goddamn, my heart.

Ooh Buck what are you doing with Eddie... Eddie is being weird about the nun thing lol and talking about his reservoir of Catholic guilt

"like sea monkeys" "no"

Something something tornado warning

"I haven't been able to...you know...since I found out"

"which is why you're so pent up"

Buck backing out of telling Eddie about his recent sexual exploration...

Hen and Cap talking about the traumatized girl. This is heartbreaking. The whole situation is heartbreaking. Poor Denny, he's such a a good kid. But like...why isn't this girl in therapy of some sort? Shit. Like...shit. I hate the US healthcare system. But something is going on and like...idk.

Again, this tornado warning is annoying. I'm missing half the convos and my closed captions aren't working properly.

Hen and Karen are struggling, which I understand, and I think they're trying but with cases like this...

Now Eddie and Cap are talking about Marisol... And his commitment issues... I swear to God Cap was going to say "military, your job, ... Buck" lmfao

"I would probably go to confession, wouldn't want to get on her ex's bad side...the Lord"

Dog attack? Parallels to the little girl? Ooh, heavy handed metaphors...

Wait, does Hen just know dog CPR? Cool.

Oh yay, the dog doesn't die! Hen is now committed to helping the little girl.

Mara is the little girl's name, Athena is helping... The girl's parents were criminals, died to OD. The girl called 911. This poor kid.

Buck and Eddie... Ooof. I'm not spoiling this. I love you all. Ok.

I will say Eddie didn't seem super surprised about it but the fucking tornado warning drowned out half of the scene. I am pissed. I'm going to have to rewatch this later.

Buck is the cutest little bisexual and I love him. I really do.

Eddie...and Marisol. Nuns. Moving In. Not moving in. Blah blah don't care. Sorry not sorry.

More with this new kid and Karen. God, Hen is lucky AF. Karen is amazing and I want to marry her.

Buck and Tommy! Yes. Yessss. Awwww. I love them. Buck is growing up! Tommy is fucking amazing. He's so gentle and kind and and awwwww.

The boys showing up for the wedding like that... lmfao. Omg. We gotta wait two weeks for The Hangover: 9-1-1 edition.

This episode is not what we wanted for Buddie but uh... There is still time? Maybe? There's always fanfiction.

Also? Tommy? I like him. I hope we keep him.

Also? Friendship is never a consolation prize. If they ever end up together or not, the love is there and that matters. The love always matters.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Abigail Shrier's book, "Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up," shows us -- and I have it here -- shows us a new way forward for parenting, where we don't have to lean in to the child's emotions. Where we become a little bit wary about leaning into the child's emotion. Where asking the child if they're happy isn't really favoured. It may be better ask, "Have you got something good to do? Are you busy? Have you got something kind of thoughtful to get at?"

I'm guilty of it myself. I'm always asking my kids are they happy. Happy isn't a human condition that is -- it's not the end goal you know, because if you make happiness your end goal, you'll end up thinking your way into CrazyLand.

What you'd need, what you would benefit better from, and what I would benefit better from and what your kids would benefit better from, and mine, would be having something purposeful to do. Something to sink your teeth in. Do you have something good to do today? Something interesting? Have you found yourself a good activity to get into today? Rather than, "are you experiencing joy?"

The brain is a problem-solving organ. The human brain, when it's left just at kind of ease it looks for a problem. It looks for a problem to get their teeth into. So, you'd be better off challenging your brain to play chess or learn an instrument or pass their driving test, anything. Give them small helpful achievements, small helpful goals. That would be much more helpful than ask them to talk about their feelings.

Because they live in this world, this generation of children, there's been too much emphasis on their feelings and there's this kind of concept that has grown which Abigail Shrier calls therapeutic parenting, and it's not working. The parents are leading the children into emotional dysregulation because they're asking the children about big emotions. And the child is leaning into their big emotions, when they'd be better off saying, you know what, that's an awful lot of heightened emotion. Let's move it on. Let's have a hot chocolate and think about something, Let's do something tonight. Why don't we do the jigsaw? Why don't we kind of listen to one of those podcasts and see what we think about it? Why don't we learn a little bit about, you know, Nietzsche's kind of understanding of life, or what Karl Marx thought?

The more you could lean into kind of cerebral challenges, and you might find them good kind of thoughtful podcast or YouTube just to kind of expand their mind and get into other concepts rather than thinking, am I happy? I'm not happy because of this. I'm anxious because of that. I'm worried because that's not helping these kids. We've gone too far into their emotions and they're feeling emotionally dysregulated and kind of rudderless, because they haven't got a purpose. They don't know what to do with themselves. And help them if you can at all, to find meaning and purpose each day by looking for something to keep them busy.

==

Your kids are not your patients, and you're not their therapist.

They need a parent, not a shrink.

[artzychic27]

Marc: Kiran, do you know how this car got in here?

Kiran: Yes, I do.

Marc: How?

Kiran: Through the window.

—

Sabrina: Your sister is such a tattle-tale.

Zoé: I am not and I'm telling you said that.

—

Simon: Gee, your hair smells like melon. What are you using?

Denise: Oh, it's this new product called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells like Melon.'

—

Nino: Adrien, it's finally happened! He's cleaning liquid soap!

Ivan: Don’t be silly. I’m just cleaning my rubber gloves.

Nino: Ivan, there's no shame in therapy.

—

Mme. Bustier: Okay guys. Lets pick a name for our new classroom puppy. Chloé do you have a name for the puppy?

Chloé: Yes I do. Chloé.

Alya: That's your name.

Chloé: I like my name.

Kim: I have the perfect name. Mr. Dog!

Alix: Mr. Dog? Kim, when you have a kid someday what are you going to name it? Mr. Baby?

Kim: Not if its a girl.

Myléne: I think we should name him something that fits his personality. Like... Puddles.

Nino: I have the perfect name! Comet. Because he's fast and he has a tail.

Nathaniel: And he only hits the newspaper once every 76 years.

—

Ismael: I never had them and I never will. I'm immune to chicken pox.

Cosette: You can't be immune to chicken pox!

Ismael: Ever kid in my school had them but me. I guess when you're an awesome physical specimen like my own bad self, germs take one look at my body and say, 'Hey, why waste our time?'

Reshma: Women say the same thing.

—

Chat Noir: M’lady, I have a question. What's a boy ladybug called?

Ladybug: *thinks for a moment* Confused.

—

Denise: Papá, with all respect, you can't send me to my room now. I'm a married enby.

Flavio: No you're not.

Simon: Dad-

Flavio: Please don't call me that!

Simon: What is it you do?

Flavio: I co-own a cafe.

Simon: I will study hard...and when you die, I will take over the family business.

Flavio: … I will never die.

—

*Adrien and Félix walk in dressed exactly alike*

Nino: Whoa! Freaky! Try to tell 'em apart!

Félix: You'll never guess, losers.

Marinette: Ohhh this is a toughie, but I bet that the real Félix is the one that just called us losers. And you are Adrien.

Adrien: Aw nuts.

Félix: Aw hoo..

Nino: Bless you

—

Marc: *Putting Kiran to bed* Don't shake your head. Your story is read. Now, you must go to bed. To bed, I said.

Alyssa: Honey, you really gotta cut back on the Dr. Suess.

—

Denise: I'm older.

Cerise: I'm younger.

Denise: I’m taller.

Cerise: I'm shorter.

Denise: I'm smarter.

Cerise: I'm... not falling for that.

—

Lacey: Dude, lots of babies are bald.

Jean: Not me. When I was born, the doctor smacked my butt and gave me a blow dryer.

—

Mme. Mendeleiv: Kissing a girl who smokes is like kissing an ash tray.

Mme. Bustier: What ash tray have you been kissing?

Mme. Mendeleiv: My Aunt Ida. I mean I love her, but she smokes so much, her Dalmatian is all black.

—

Louis: *after looking in refrigerator* This fridge is a joke! No Ding-Dongs, no Ho-Ho's, no Nutty Buddy's... it's bone-dry!

Nathaniel: I have raisins.

Louis: I'm allergic to raisins. My lips blow up and I can't talk when I eat raisins!

Nathaniel: ...raisins it is then!

—

Ivan: *After Kim walks in wearing drag* Kim’s a girl.

Max: No, he's a women.

Alix: An ugly women.

—

Austin T: Jean here is a Shakespeare freak. Aren't you, my little Hamlet-and-cheese?

Jean: *embarrassed* Whatever.

Austin B: Jean, you're into Shakespeare?

Austin T: Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and Summer's lease hath all too short a date.

Austin Q: … Wow, Jean, I had no idea you had such a sensative soul.

Jean: … Whatever.

—

Lacey: You two think you're so cute.

Evan: Don't worry.

Jeremy: Be happy!

Lacey: Oh no! You two ARE so cute!

—

Ivan: When I was a kid, the kids used to tease me. They called me 'Zorba the Geek.'

Kim: *laughs hysterically, then grows serious when he sees the killer look on Ivan’s face* Kids can be so cruel.

—

Marinette Chloé said she heard a strange noise outside, but if you ask me, it's a desperate plea for attention.

Sabine: Marinette, stop watching Oprah and start doing your homework.

—

Cosette: Are you gonna cook the baby?

Yvette: We're changing her diaper.

Cosette: Oh, then how do you roast a turkey?

—

Denise: … I want to look like these models.

Simon: Why?

Denise: Because they're pretty!

Simon: I think you're pretty.

—

M. Monlataing: I'm calling children's services to handle this.

Alix: Why?

M. Monlataing: Because if I don't, I'm going over there to straighten him out myself!

—

Adrien: That's it. Loosen up, be very fluid. Be very fluid-y. That's it! Now... once you get it going, you shift the weight and you go. *starts walking* And it's a strut, and it's cool, and it's a strut, and it's cool. See? Like that?

Steve Urkel: Very inspiring. *tries to walk, but instead of a strut, he walks sidways on his toes bouncing highly*

Adrien: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, uh, that's close.

Steve Urkel: Really? Well, oh. Well, that was a walk on the wild side. But, you should ty it with your elbows out. It's much better for circulation.

Adrien: Oh, really? Like this? *sticks elbows out*

Steve Urkel: Yeah. *Adrien starts to walk*!You're doing fine.

Adrien: You, know? I do feel the blood flowing better. It's very - WHAT AM I DOING?

Steve Urkel: Well, here's another fun way to kill time. Let's share a life story. I'll go first. I was born on a cold night in Chicago, 1976, the year of America's bicenntinal. My mom was in a great deal of pain and I was charging through! And...

Adrien: Uh! I think I hear the girls in the courtyard. Why, don't you just go and... yeah. Right in the courtyard area.

—

Nathaniel: Hey! You girls are the ones who drilled a peep hole in the boys’ locker room!

Rando Girl: Yeah, and you're the reason we plugged it up, backne!

Nathaniel: The peep hole works both ways, Zit Butt!

—

Alya: *to Tom and Sabine* My mother would never let me go to a boy's apartment unsupervised, what kind of parents are you?

—

Alim: *Knocks on the door* Alix, are you in there?

Alix: Yeah one sec, dad! *clears off pillows off of her bed, and pushes Nathaniel under the covers*

Nathaniel: *Drunk* Wassup, Alix?

Alix: Nath, we're going to play a little game okay? Whoever stays quietest the longest gets to lipwrestle with the captain of the soccer team!

Nathaniel: Goal!

—

Simon: Did you happen to get a picture of the front of the horse too?

Austin A: This happens to be one of my relatives. If you wanna see yours, you could go rent "Gorillas in the Mist."

[tumblydovereviews]

In Defense of Max and Ruby

Max and Ruby is a Canadian preschool cartoon focusing on the lives of two bunny siblings- seven-year-old Ruby and three-year-old Max. In each episode, hilarity ensues as Ruby attempts to restore order in the house while Max, in his attempts to get the thing that he wants or needs, causes chaos. The show debuted in 2002 and aired new episodes until 2020, albeit with many hiatuses along the way. While the show has been over for over four years now, its reputation has yet to vanish. To this day, people still discuss it, especially in the case of Ruby's treatment of Max.

In order to examine Ruby as a character, we first must get to the root of the issue: where in God's name are their parents?

The reason that we never see the parents in the show (at least until Season 6) is simple: Max and Ruby is a show that encourages kids to solve problems on their own and grow in their independence. Adults serve little-to-no purpose in the grand scheme of things, hence why they never appear. The adult that we see the most in this show, Grandma Bunny, doesn't even live with the kids. Max and Ruby live by themselves the vast majority of the show's run, and as a result, Ruby is forced to act as a parent towards Max, and thus seeks control in her already-hectic life. Yes, she does come off as bossy at times in the way she treat Max, but that's to be expected of a seven year old, especially one who hasn't been properly sat down and taught how to relax a little.

The stereotype against Ruby defenders (Ruby rangers) is that they have a hatred for Max. If anything, I feel bad for Max; a lot of these scenarios that he is forced into could be prevented if he had the ability to speak up for himself. Unfortunately, Max clearly has some sort of developmental disability that limits his ability to function in that regard (some theories suggest Max as being autistic.) The lack of structure in the household also acts as a detriment to both kids. Ruby's rule fluctuate in weird ways. In one episode, she sent Max out to the store by himself to get groceries, yet at the same time he cannot be trusted with scissors and isn't allowed to stay at home alone when Ruby wants to go out.

A quality of Ruby's that I don't think is talked about much is how patient she is with Max. Sure, her ways of managing him aren't always the most thoughtful, but she barely yells at him or shows a excessive amount of negativity in his escapade. Ruby's controlling behavior doesn't come out of malice; it's a coping skill she came up with.

Ruby isn't a narcissist or a brat; she's a kid who hasn't been able to be a kid. Ruby desires control and structure over her life because the world she lives in is so unpredictable that she feels the need to mold things to be her way in order to gain that sense of predictability. Her target? Max. His neurodivergent, nonverbal tendencies lead him to be the perfect "guinea pig" for her.

But, how does this dynamic change when Max does learn how to talk in full, legible sentences?

Well, Max's impulsivity clearly still clashes with Ruby's need for control. However, most of the time, he tends to agree with her thoughts. Max has become so accustomed to following Riby's rule that letting her down is one of his greatest fears. But, simultaneously, he wants to be himself and act is his own, quirkily way. There's a tension of opposites bothering Max, and it shows.

Max and Ruby both need family therapy, clearly. Max may benefit from working with a speech therapist to further expand his vocabulary, or an occupational therapist to help with his impulsivity and expression issues. Ruby needs to be given more choices in her life; it's been proven that giving kids choice helps give them that sense of control without needing to resort to bossy behavior.

And, most of all, the bunny parents need to start parenting. It's great to let kids learn by themselves, but it only works to an extent. I'm not going to learn how to do calculus by making a PB/J sandwich; somebody needs to teach me actively, and the same thing applies to social-emotional learning.

Max and Ruby isn't just about two bunny kids doing cute, bunny things. It's a show about the effects of neglect on a young age. It's a show about growing up neurodivergent and feeling unheard and misunderstood. It's a show about growing up in a world that is ever changing, a world that you yearn to stay the same.

But hey, that's just a theory- a PRESCHOOL SHOW THEORY.

[dumbassnamedkhoshekh]

Have you ever had moments where you wish you could just take a break from being a person?

I don't mean dying, obviously. But maybe yes dying? If only temporarily.

What I mean is just taking a step back from existing so you can figure shit out without the interferences of daily life.

Say you've changed a lot over the past little bit. And you KNOW change is good for you and you know that it has to happen, but when you don't recognize yourself anymore and wish you could be anyone else?

I guess the way I envision it working is kind of like a coma or an astral projection, and in that period of physical unconsciousness you get to rearrange and update your personality traits like you're customizing a Sim of yourself.

I know if I had that ability, I would make myself kinder, more understanding, more hardworking, more reasonable, more genuine, more confident, a better friend, and overall a wiser human being. If it works like the Sims customizer does, I would probably even change some bits of my appearance, maybe making myself shorter or my nose a little smaller or my face a different shape. I suppose I have too many things I don't like about myself to know when to STOP.

But would I still be me? Would you still be you?

I'm pretty sure everybody on this site at this point is familiar with the Ship of Theseus thought experiment; for those who aren't, it poses the question: "if a ship's parts gradually decay and break off get replaced one by one until the entire ship is made up of new materials, is it still the same ship?" Similarly, if every single part of you was changed, would you still be you? Granted, an argument could be made that such a process already happens as you grow and experience life, and that the option proposed above would only speed up the process. Most people would agree that you are still you after all the changes you've experienced in your life, even if you aren't the "same" you as you were three years ago. But if those changes were to happen instantaneously? Would you even be recognizable by the people in your life?

Who knows?

I know I'm making this sound like a bad deal, but I can't say I wouldn't take the opportunity if it fell before me. God knows I could use it.

But that's the thing about opportunities: sometimes they fall before you, but you generally have a better chance of making something of them and of yourself if you actively pursue them, rather then waiting for one to fall in your lap like a stray autumn leaf.

"Look, kid, everyone wants to believe they are "chosen". But if we all waited around for a prophecy to make us special, we'd die waiting. And that's why you need to choose yourself."

My favorite quote of all time, from Eda the Owl Lady. Never in my life has it been more relevant than right now, when I'm literally looking for a shortcut to character development for myself. Unfortunately I am an absolutely terrible listener, so I've never really be able to take this advice to heart, despite knowing how much I need to. I guess finding the strength to seek out the things you want is a lot harder when you're already bearing the weight of your own expectations for yourself.

It's not easy. Nothing ever is, but making myself do something that would actually benefit me? Genuinely one of the hardest things I've ever had to regularly face in my life. There's a REASON I've procrastinated getting therapy for so long. Why does doing things that are good for me feel so impossibly difficult? Why am I like this? Why can't I just throw myself into a coma and swap around my personality traits like a little character customizer? Why can't I change the bad things about instantly? Why do I have to WORK for it when I can barely work on anything tangible? Why? Why? Why?

What if it's because it's not supposed to be attainable? What if my personality was like wet cement the first 19 years of my life, and I can no longer shape it now that it's solidified into concrete? What if making myself who I want to be is my Sisyphean task? What if? What if? What if?

I don't know if I can ever actually know the answers. I guess all one can do is keep trying and keep hoping science will one day invent a way to alter your core traits at will.

[docgold13]

have you read Abigail Shrier's book, Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up? I found it disturbing but interesting.

I have not read this book, but am familiar with it and familiar with the author’s previous work condemning the so-called ‘Transgender Craze’ affecting today’s youth.  

Shrier does make some interesting points and I agree with the sentiment that younger populations have been overly pathologized in the psychological and psychiatric fields.  

Unfortunately, Shrier’s decision to rely on anecdotes rather than empirical research findings undercuts a lot of what she is trying to say.  I feel like there is some good intentions in Shrier’s writings, yet the temptation to make a name for herself as a sort of ‘anti-woke’ voice on child psychology has taken her down a dark road that is likely to prove harmful to many young people contending with issues related to gender dysphoria.