#BE FOR FUCKING REAL BWAHAHAHAHA

[spaciebabie]

i cant get over how jinx escaped prison and went to kill herself meanwhile her sister is in the back of jinxes grungy prison cell getting head from her situationship turned relationship turned ex turned relationship turned ex turned relationship

[sephirthoughts]

Vincent, cloud, or character of your choice and 13, 26, 32, and 50 ❤️

BWAHAHAHAHA (from this ask game)

can i answer them for these two as a ship? cause it's one of my favorites and it definitly doesn't get enough love. yeah i'm gonna

13. If you could draw effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what scene (s) would you draw for this character?

obviously the things i would draw for them would be the kind of thing that gets your posts deleted from tumblr. for real though, i would most like to draw them fighting, in vincent's galian beast and human forms. they're both socially maladjusted and extremely violent people and a lot of their courtship in my headcanons involves intense one-on-one combat as flirting. i'd also draw them asleep flopped on each other. they both need a damned nap

26. If you look for this character’s name on AO3, what tags are you including or excluding?

i'm excluding polyships that include tifa (or any other female party member for that matter for a variety of reasons), which is just…listen guys, i'm bisexual and i like poly ships, and i am officially informing you that you don't have to awkwardly stuff the bland and boring as fuck canon hetero ship into every gay ship just to prove you don't hate women. she's not the vanilla filling in the bisexual oreo and making her that is doing her a bigger disservice than writing her as an actual person of her own whose life does not revolve around the male characters. YOU CAN ACTUALLY IMPROVE CANON! WE CAN DO THAT! NO ONE CAN STOP US!

otherwise, just the tags i usually exclude, which are kidfic, mpreg, omegaverse, a/b/o, and genderbends (i do NOT mean one or both of the characters being trans, i specifically mean the genderbent trope, which are always OOC and often grossly transandrophobic too). otherwise there's not much that offends me i just don't like to be bored

32. If you could make this character a meal, what would you make them?

if i could make vincent and cloud a meal, it'd be wine for vincent since i'm fairly certain he can't eat regular food but he canonically drinks wine a lot, and for cloud…i dunno. i just don't see him as a person who cares all that much about food. it'd be more about the atmosphere. i'd take them somewhere quiet and isolated where they won't be bothered by their annoying as fuck 'friends' every five goddamned seconds

50. Link your fav song, playlist, aesthetic board, fan-fiction, reference pile, personal artwork, analysis post, meme, headcanon, or quote for this character. Whichever one (s) you are most comfortable with!

i don't make character playlists per se, i just have a variety of work playlists that suit the specific tone or mood i'm going for.

i don't know what an aesthetic board is and i don't care to find out (lucille bluth voice).

instead, i give you this, which i stumbled upon one day, while scrolling tumblr looking for pictures of sephiroth. it was the very first time i saw vincent and i had no idea who he was, but i immediately knew he was my soul mate:

thank you for the ask you're the best!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[baekhvuns]

I almost thought I forgot to send you an ask, dw abt the timing tho. it happens to me a lot 😭 I forget if I had done something and then i question it?

IKR HIS WHOLE PERSONALITY IRKS ME SO MUCH BUT THEN HIS FACE?? HIS FACEEEE!!! 😩😩 he's such a hypocrite honestly, and each time he makes a dumb fucking decision I want to punch him in the face so bad!! BUT THEN I RMR THT ONE CHAPTER WHERE NAVIER'S HAVING A FLASHBACK TO WHEN THEY WERE KIDS AND- 😭 I CANT-

Bcz...this just got too real? 🫣

NO STOP STOP ITTTT HWA TURNS INTO A PANTHER 😭😭😭 IM READY TO BE THE TARZAN!!

U GIVE ME THINGS TO GUSH OVER EVERY DAMN TIME! BCZ WDYM INTIMIDATING CEO X FAKE DATING AUS OH IM SO READY 😭

😒 don't even talk abt tht selfish piece of shit, I hate her. The audacity she has, like she literally just said "there's not a woman in the whole world that wouldn't sulk if his lover is spending time with another woman." 😃 miss girl YOU are the OTHER WOMAN! He is spending time with his WIFE! On her BIRTHDAY. Jail. I want to see her in jail. I'm glad Heinrey knows the kinda person she is, he and the empress are the only ones putting her in her place. Like it annoys me so damn much how she cries over every damn thing, idc whatever shit she went thru, it didn't give her any right to become a homewrecker. And soveishu is dumb enough. And navier?

....she's. Etheral. How to be her? How to hv a man like hers? How to be bold like her? How to BE NAVIER??

OMG GURL YES I READ IT 😭 I CANT BELIEVE SOVEISHU KISSED NAVIER'S NECK?!?!?!?! 😭 IM- IDK THT MAKES ME LIKE HIM MORE DESPITE HIS SHITTY ATTITUDE?? WHAT DO I DO 😭 but respectfully, he should fuck off....you lost the chance man. You lost her. No Bcz what does he want frm navier??? Does he think she has a heart of stone? As if she doesn't hv feelings??? He gets all riled up if she even talks with some other guy and look at him, going out with a strange girl he has no idea who tf she even is.

I'm telling you rashta is the downfall of the empire. Girl I'm telling ya, if I see a strange woman running to hug my man like tht..id throw hands idc what my status would be, I would THROW HANDS. (On both, my man, and the girl) Navier is so strong. BWAHAHAHAHA AND HIS GUTS TO SAY "IM A GOOD MAN" 😭🤚 STOPH- HES THE MOST DELULU PERSON EVER! Rashta is like that one annoying cousin. LIKE SHE HAD THE AUDACITY TO WEAR THE SAME DRESS AS NAVIER?!?!? FASION POLICE- YOU GOTTA ARREST HER! BCZ THT IS PLAGIARISM 😭

WTF WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCKK??? SHES PREGNANT 😭😭😭😭 (tbh I bet the emperor thinks, a baby is made if you hold hands) GURL IM GONNA FAINT FRM ALL THE DRAMA THAT UNFOLDS IN EVERY CHAPTER NOOOOOO NAVIER!! I WOULD HV CRIED I WOULD HV- I WOULD HV COLLAPSED AND STARTED TO WEEP SHES SO STRONG!! 😭😭

LESGOOO MY SHIP IS SAILING!! I WONDER WHEN THE DIVORCE EP WILL COME!! OH COME ON NOW IM FALLING FOR DUKE KAUFFMAN 🤧

NO WAY HE DRANK THE LOVE POTION AND DISTRACTED SOVEISHU 😭😭😭 IM DYING- :0 he punched him

I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill him, I'm really gonna kill him I HATE HIM SO MUCH! NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS A CHARACTER MADE MY BLOOD BOIL THIS BAD!

Navier no...the potion has worn off, Duke Kaufmann likes you 😭

OHMYGOD KOSAIR IS HERE HES HERE AHHH SO PROTECTIVE 😭😭 NO I GET IT WHY U LIKE HIM! DOUBLE EMPRESS?!?! 😭 *Searches on Google:- how to be an empress?*

No way you fell asleep on the stairs...was it Bcz it was comfortable or you were just too tired to walk till your bed? 😭 (OMG I WROTE THIS THINKING YOU WROTE "I FELL ASLEEP ON THE STAIRS" AND I WAS LIKE ?!?! WHAT- I READ IT WRONG 😭😭 but this is so funny so I kept it in the ask, i cn be so silly sometimes)

NO WAY DROP THE NAME OF THE MOVIE! controversial? I'm questioning my tastes-

Ikr it's so wholesome and cute, the last episode ended on sung ho offering haebom to drink with him, man I'm totally up for everything that's coming next, Bcz haebom, is already in love and he might not realize it yet, Bcz the way he blushes EVERYTIME he sees sung ho. LIKE WHEN HE DROPPED HIM AT THE DAYCARE CENTRE HE THOUGHT "DID WE JUST LOOK LIKE A COUPLE RN??" NOW TELL ME THIS MF DOESN'T THINK ABT IT ALL THE TIME 😭😭 dw I'll update you once the new episode comes.

I don't wanna go to work tomorrow AND I DONT WANNA GO TO UNI I wanna fall in love with someone IM SO LOVESICK 🤧

LMFAOOOO 😭😭

RIGHT??? SOMETIMES I GENUINELY FEEL BAD FOR HIM BUT THHEN HE DOES SOMETHING AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD LIKE U DESERVE RASHTA ATP like he looks like hwa and it makes me feel bad but then he ABSOLUTELY DESERVES IT 😭

please stop. im in a public setting this picture to picture comparison is taking me out pls don’t let me do this bc i have this draft where the reader is an undercover empress and san’s a thief w heinry’s personality

LMFAOOOO NOT TARZAAN FBKWDHKW

A VERY INTIMIDATING CEO (YSL PERSONA) X HIS PRIV SECRETARY WHO WAS HIS JUNIOR IN UNI FBWMDJWKDJKW WRAPPED INTO FAKE DATING ANON DO NOT DO THIS RN

no srs as much of a goof heinry is he is quick to check someone like rashta or whoever disrespects navier like that,,,, rashta needs to go to jail esp for what she did to that maid???? gOD 😭😭😭 ITS ON SIGHT WITH HER AND THE WAY SHES COPYING NAVIERS STYLE AND HAIR ?????? CRYING honestly soveishu puts her in place sometimes and it makes me feel so good omg i just spoiled it for u

NAVIER IS THE PERSONA OF ELEGANCE !!! THE EMPRESS, ur asking the right questions bc when will fate put us under her fate 😭😭

NO SERIOUSLY AND HE MADE HER CRY LIKE ??? AND THEN ASKED HER TO MARRY HIM AGAIN AND BE THE MOTHER OF RASHTAS KID ???? BOY???? THATS NOT EVEN UR KID THQKDHWK NO LITERALLY PLAGIARISM WHERE U AT 🔫🔫🔫 DIVORCE EP WILL HAPPEN!!!!! HEINRY TREATS HER SO WELL GETS HER BLUSHING AND SHIT TOO 😭😭😭😭

duke kaufman is so 🥰☺️🥰 id be w him ngl very mingi coded

DUDE KOSAIR IS SO 😩😩😩 WHYS NAVIERS ENTIRE FAMILY SO PRETTY

NO LMFAOOO THIS IS SO CUTE FHWJD 😭😭😭 I FELL ON THE STAIRS LIKE GOING UP THE STAIRS did not fall asleep but i was transferring from my couch (where i slept on) to my room and i thought the platform of the stairs was there and i took a step and boom im collapsing <3 my eyes were closed yes bc i have this thing that if i open them while i transfer my sleep will vanish <3

omg ok it’s a 2006 bollywood movie w srk in it, it was extremely controversial bc of the concept but i think if it were released today it would’ve gotten a better reaction nonetheless

“DID WE JUST LOOK LIKE A COUPLE RN???” STOP IT. STOP IT. WEVE REACHED THE MOMENT OF REALIZATIONS !!!!!

manifesting a ceo who does ur taxes and handles everything for u <3

[rainbeausobsessions]

I suddenly got an old character running around in my head, so now y'all have to hear about it.

So way back in the day when I was, like, 13-14, I had a character for this online forum rp by the name of Eleanor. She was a kemonomimi - human with animal ears/tail - specifically with a raccoon ears and tail set. At the time pretty much all of my characters had a pretty standard tragic backstory and would be all brooding and quiet because of it or some shit, but I realized that if she was quiet and untrusting then I wouldn't talk to anyone in the rp. So I gave her a cheerful and peppy personality to go with that tragic backstory and did not think anything threw. I also intentionally made her very ignorant of, well, everything, because I figured she could be a bit of a comic relief type character.

Whoo boy was she a mess. First off most of the active rp-ers didn't find her funny, she was annoying (frankly I don't blame them). She totally didn't have a family guys (except she did she just had amnesia, I know so original). She couldn't read and anything more complicated than a spoon came up in conversation she'd be asking incessant questions about it. And yet SOMEHOW this mess of an OC became "co-leader" of a massive crime syndicate in the rp lore. After talking to the mods at the time, they directly told me it was because of how active I was, but as a character she did not belong there xD . Didn't help that I had her join the crime syndicate when she was a fucking cinnamon roll.

(If any of y'all recognize this messy bitch, I'm sorry and I hope you're doing well xD )

Jump forward to my college years, I think around 19, and I briefly decide to revive her again as a character named El for a short story for this small writing club I was in. Except the only things El and Eleanor had in common were that neither of them had any real prospects and both of them joined a crime syndicate. El had biological parents who weren't involved and a half brother working in this super controlling government; El was quiet and reserved and smoked and slow to trust, and even their looks were different. I think the crime syndicate in my short story was helping people flee the country cuz apparently that meant better business for them in the long run, idk.

Of course now I'm thinking about it again (31) and I'm thinking about revamping her again (for what reason idk), and making her more true to her original concept but in a way that makes sense. Bright and bubbly, but still keeps a wall between herself and others. Instead of giving her a family she doesn't know, give her a small found family of fellow street urchins. Make her a sneak and a bit of a shit and ferociously loyal to those who've managed to earn her trust. And keep the raccoon features - it's a bit on the nose but it's fun. I'm calling this version Ellie.

Of course now I'm also thinking about Eleanor (OG) and I'm thinking about what if she was put in a position of power because she was regarded as incompetent and easy to manipulate? That could be interesting to explore (bwahahahaha).

Idk, Eleanor was fun but if I do anything with her it'll just be to occasionally poke that beast. El is a dime a dozen for me (and clearly just an outlet for my depression and parental issues), so she'll probably not get much use anytime soon. Ellie seems to have some rp and short story potential, so that could be fun.

[angelasscribbles]

It's back! It's back! It's back!

That's how excited I was to see a new chapter for my new favorite couple!

Rating - kind of explicit?

Hmm, kind of ....maybe? Ok, I can't wait to find out!!! Let's gooooo!

Max rushed past brandishing a collection of deadly weapons. “

This absolutely tracks

Max!” she gasped. “Are you trying to impale me?”

Not in this series....bwahahahaha!!! Ahem, sorry, I'll behave now. Maybe.

How had she never noticed the firm biceps beneath that fabric before?

Because she wasn't in looooove before!!

The stack of papers promptly fell from his hands, scattering in all directions, and he was sure his heart stopped beating altogether. “What?”

I love everything about this!

Riley's utter bluntness, Bert's response, the way he gets so flustered, the way just looking at him is doing things to her. The fact that this reaction made me LOL for real! ALL.OF.IT!

He sat at his desk, mind racing as he tapped his foot nervously. Was Riley teasing him back there or was he imagining it? Was he so hard up for her now that something as innocent as her picking up papers from the ground seemed like innuendo? 

Probably.

YES!! She did that on purpose and him not being sure if it was or not just makes the teasing that much more fun!!

He shrugged out of his virgin wool Brioni suit jacket and dress slacks and folded them up, placing them into the hamper.

It still fucking kills me that he folds his dirty laundry! Uptight much? But it's so hilariously Bertrand!

But lately, instead of finding comfort in the consistency, he found his usual routines had become tedious and exhausting. He was tired of going through the motions. He was tired of being alone. 

Oh, my heart!

Just the thought of going all the way with Riley caused adrenaline to surge through his veins and his heart to flutter. But that would mean their lessons would be over. He would never be able to see or touch her body again.. But that was their deal from the beginning! She was only helping him out of pity, and he needed to remember that.

The fucking angst!

He stood up and began pacing the room anxiously. Liam told him not to say anything to anyone, but damn it, this was Riley.. She wasn’t just anyone. And surely she had a right to know!

OMG! He is so fucking sweet and mushy! He is so far gone on her it's not funny!

Bertrand dropped down into a chair and put his head in his hands. He had gotten so wrapped up in what he and Riley were doing that he almost forgot why she was there in the first place.

What have you done to me, woman? Never in my life did I think I'd be wanting to wrap Bertrand up in my arms and comfort him!!!! GAH!

This was amazing, sweet, funny, angsty, and a little sexy all at the same time! You've outdone yourself with this chapter!

Never Have I Ever

Chapter 10 - Demons From the Past - Part 1

Book- TRR

Series- Never Have I Ever

Pairings- Bertrand x MC 

Chapter Synopsis- The Beaumont's prepare for the court's arrival and Bertrand reflects on his current stage of life.

Chapter Warnings- language, innuendo, mentions of sexual acts

Rating - kind of explicit?

Word Count - 1,237

A/N - In the next 2 chapters, we get a glimpse into Bertrand's mind and the trauma he experienced in the past.

Demons From the Past- Part 1

The Beaumont's had a few days to prepare before the entire court arrived in Ramsford for their next stop. Riley had heard stories from other members of court, especially Maxwell, about how epic the Beaumont Bash was and she couldn’t wait. Hopefully she’d even get to see Bertrand let loose.

The staff and event planners scurried around the estate and Riley dodged out of the way as Max rushed past brandishing a collection of deadly weapons. “Coming through!”

“Max!” she gasped. “Are you trying to impale me?”

“Sorry Riley!” Max paused, looking back at her ruefully. “Gotta get these weapons displayed for the champagne sabering!”

Riley’s mouth dropped. What kind of party was this?!

Bertrand emerged from around the corner, his brow furrowed in concentration as he directed various people to where they needed to go. Riley was always fascinated by the way he could delegate responsibilities with such an air of confidence. He always knew exactly what to say and do, and made it look so effortless. As shy as he was deep down, he could be very intimidating. She watched his arm muscles flex beneath his suit jacket, which was always tailored to fit just right. How had she never noticed the firm biceps beneath that fabric before? Her mind flashed back to the sight of him in his study, weeks ago.. The way his arms flexed as they pressed her against his naked body. She could practically still feel his thick cock as he thrust against her center.. He had been close enough to enter her had he wanted, but his innocence and modesty held him back. 

The memory caused Riley’s heart to flutter in her chest and she approached Bertrand just as a woman handed him a stack of documents. “If you could sign these waivers, Your Grace, I can go ahead and have the acrobats on standby.”

“Very good,” Bertrand nodded, taking the papers and looking them over.

“Could you excuse us for a moment?” Riley spoke politely to the party planner.

“Of course,” she replied before walking away.

Bertrand looked at Riley curiously, “Is everything alright?”

“Are you ready to fuck me?”

The stack of papers promptly fell from his hands, scattering in all directions, and he was sure his heart stopped beating altogether. “What?”

Riley grinned, “Our next lesson, I mean.”

Bertrand glanced around to make sure no one heard or witnessed what just happened, but the staff paid him no mind, busying themselves with party preparations. “Well.. I..” 

“Or do we need to review the previous lesson first?” 

She suddenly dropped to her knees in front of him and he gasped. “Lady Riley, what are you doing?!”

She licked her lips and collected the papers from the floor. “Just picking these up. Whatever else would I be doing on my knees in front of you, Your Grace?”

Bertrand was flushed completely red and his heart was racing. His cock twitched in his pants at the memory of the last time she was on her knees before him. He immediately grabbed the documents and rushed off to his office before anyone was the wiser of his growing erection. 

He sat at his desk, mind racing as he tapped his foot nervously. Was Riley teasing him back there or was he imagining it? Was he so hard up for her now that something as innocent as her picking up papers from the ground seemed like innuendo? 

Probably.

Bertrand somehow made it through the rest of the day, repeatedly pushing lude thoughts of Riley from his mind. He needed to make sure everything was ready for the court's arrival, the formal dinner, and of course the Beaumont Bash. His reputation depended on it. But each time she passed by him in the hall, his heart sped up and his palms began to sweat. 

____________________________________________

It was midnight before Bertrand finally made it to his bedroom. The preparations were going according to schedule so far, but there was always the possibility of an error. He would wake up extra early and double check that everything had been done correctly. It was his responsibility, after all.

 He slipped off his black Armani oxford shoes and placed them neatly in his closet. He shrugged out of his virgin wool Brioni suit jacket and dress slacks and folded them up, placing them into the hamper. He removed the gold Patek Philippe wrist watch his grandfather had given him on his sixteenth birthday and placed it safely in its case. Shower.. Shave.. lay out his clothing for the following morning. Mentally prepare for anything that could possibly go wrong the next day. It was the same routine every night.. A consistent ritual that he performed without a thought. But lately, instead of finding comfort in the consistency, he found his usual routines had become tedious and exhausting. He was tired of going through the motions. He was tired of being alone. 

His mind drifted to this afternoon and Riley’s words echoed in his ear..

“Are you ready to fuck me?”

Just the thought of going all the way with Riley caused adrenaline to surge through his veins and his heart to flutter. But that would mean their lessons would be over. He would never be able to see or touch her body again.. But that was their deal from the beginning! She was only helping him out of pity, and he needed to remember that.

His brain was a jumbled up mess.

He still had no idea what was going to happen with Liam. He and Drake were clearly physical with one another, but was there an emotional connection there as well? Was there still a possibility that Liam would choose Riley as his queen? And if so, shouldn’t he tell her that Liam and Drake were intimate at Applewood?

He stood up and began pacing the room anxiously. Liam told him not to say anything to anyone, but damn it, this was Riley.. She wasn’t just anyone. And surely she had a right to know!

He ran his hands down his face in exasperation. How the hell did he get wrapped up in this mess? All he was supposed to do was help Maxwell train this impossibly naive girl in the ways of Cordonian high society so she would be chosen as queen, and their family could reap the benefits. And as Duke, it was his responsibility to ensure that House Beaumont retained its glory. He couldn’t be seen as a failure, and a member of their house being chosen as queen would ensure he was worthy of being head of their house. Since his father was in a coma with little to no possibility of ever regaining consciousness, it was completely up to him to shoulder that burden.

Bertrand dropped down into a chair and put his head in his hands. He had gotten so wrapped up in what he and Riley were doing that he almost forgot why she was there in the first place. And until he heard otherwise, he assumed that Liam was still interested in her and needed a queen. 

She’s here for Liam and the crown.. that’s it.

He turned on the TV in an attempt to drown out his intrusive thoughts regarding a certain woman who was sleeping a mere two doors away, and eventually drifted off into a restless sleep…

[nastyboots]

It's under way! Prequel stuff written for a bingo, will post in a bit. More chapters or segments to come. I Have a Cunning Plan -- OK OK OK, so hear me out --

So after this scene, here is the sequence of events that *really* happens, because my brain refuses to accept it any other way –

– Tearful reunion (Wilson does the cry-with-your-hands-over-your-face thing; House calls him an idiot while simultaneously doing the twinkly-sparkly-eyes-and-affectionate-smirk deal)

– They immediately go upstairs and fuck like weasels, because one is legally dead already and the other will be literally dead soon, so, y’know, NO RULES and WHY NOT, and you know they’ve wanted to for a bajillion years

– Which instantaneously transforms Wilson from adorable suit-wearing dweeb to sexxxxaaay dad-bod beardy biker guy (IDK how this occurs by the way – osmosis perhaps – dammit, Jim, I’m a writer, not a scientist!)

– They ride off together into the sunset and go see all the places Wilson has always wanted to go, bucket-list-style, and commit various types of entertaining dumbassery together

– Whilst also having loads of hot monkey sex (oops, nearly typed loaves of sex there, which is nonsensical and yet somewhat entertaining to think about)

– Which eventually convinces Wilson of the folly of not pursuing treatment, and that he has something to live for – because hey, crazy-soulmate-genius-doctor-dick, finally

– He agrees to start treatment; House turns himself in so that in a few months they can have an actual non-fugitive-style life together now that Wilson has decided to LIVE – because let’s be real, you can only sleep in so many cheap sleazy motels and eat so much bad truckstop food before it becomes a complete existential horror 

– Meanwhile Wilson’s long-ago ex, with whom he had a brief grief-and-nostalgia-driven porkfest when he thought House was dead, turns up pregnant, so now *two* reasons to LIVE, DAMMIT (although she doesn’t actually want Wilson back, because that would make things insanely complex, as if they aren’t already)

– House does his time; while House is in the clink pregnant ex stays with Wilson (platonically, because Hilson) and generally nurses him through treatment and surgery

– House is released, Wilson slowly recovers, baby is born, and mom, mom’s partner, 2 dads (House and Wilson) and baby all shack up in some semi-sitcom-worthy fashion and raise kid together OR mom is tragically offed in some fashion leaving 2 dads to raise kid

– BONUS MATERIAL:  Since House can’t practice anymore he starts writing medical mysteries under a pen name – they are wildly successful and he makes a skadillion dollars; Wilson, burned out on oncology, goes to work as a doc at a local clinic for low-income folks 

AND YES, I AM ALREADY IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING THIS FANFIC BECAUSE MY BRAIN INSISTS, AND IS GOING TO PUMMEL ME RELENTLESSLY UNTIL I DO IT  - ONE SEGMENT IS COMPLETE ALREADY.  BWAHAHAHAHA

[symeona]

I know it might be awhile before you answer this and I hope you're doing ok by the time you do. I just thought of a couple of questions. 1) Do you ever read old myths and your mind back tracks to possible historical events or phenomena that could have been mythologized? Does that distract you as bad as it does me bwahahahaha? 2) Do you have OCs?

Bwahahaha? BWAHAHAHAH??? YOU---!!!!!!! My sense of humor has been exposed here... I hope you're doing well too, I'm chilling, it's great 🌼

YES I DO

All the TIME! My favorite one being Atlantis ofc! You know with the eruption of Thera etc.

My second favorite is the Minotaur which actually makes me mad djdjfkfjfj

The Minotaur and the Labyrinth are the weirdest mashup of real life things I've seen to this DAY. First of all the "Labyrinth" was referring to the underground Hypogeum in Malta NOT Crete. (Though idk maybe somebody build one in Crete too? We haven't found one yet)

And secondly, the Minotaur????? Bro what??? Athenians ....ugh.... I'll try to not be rude... But dAmn those idiots.. First of all, at the time Crete was ruled by Queens not Kings, so Minos.. idk who that is... And the Minoans WERE obsessed with bulls, yes, but they weren't humping them they were doing acrobatics on their backs. Some idiot probably saw that and went back to Athens like YO those people are NUTS, they have women running the government and everything is crazy there

So really the Minotaur was almost propaganda at that time. Like noNo don't go there, there's witches and bullmen and mixed races it's horrible!! (Minoans could make intricate gold jewelry in the brOnze age, meanwhile Athenians had to wear their bedsheets to hide the seams of their clothes BUT OKAY THEY WERE THE SMART ONES suresuresure)

My third one is Odysseus and Heracles who were most likely the same guy. Hera-cles meaning he was blessed by Hera to have great strength and Odysseus because at some point the gods were like FUCK THIS GUY. So it's like Anakin being called Darth Vader djxbdjdnjd

And again he was Mycenean, so blease..

He didn't look like this. But like this.

The fringe of the skirt is VERY important!

And yes I have about a billion OCs but I'll never finish any of my stories djdbndn here's one that I love a lot and would give my life to

[streamdotpng]

honestly, i deadass thought gloria was the antagonist but nope its ken

fuck you ken

seriously though, this is a lovely movie

its funny in a way that the logic is clearly doll like but at the same time its clearly mentioning a problem about real life

also yuck... the way ken goes to help by putting his arms around barbie instead of just

YKNOW???

also i really do love how when mc barbie tried to excuse beach ken's behavior by saying its bc he's attracted to her, gloria snaps her out of it so quick

like yes

dude did you wrong and his attraction to you shouldn't excuse any of his actions

BWAHAHAHAHA WHAT IS THAT

the way the lyrics is just constantly "I will push you around, and i will, oh i will" is concerning

also beach ken really is a red flag, dude got anger issues ontop of everything

THE WAY HE LOOKED SO INSULTED IS SO FUNNY

honestly, love how the physics are the same as the actual dolls

like love that water

respect the effort in keeping it exactly how things are when playing with it

the car moving even when she isnt driving, love that

all of their name is really is barbie, that's so funny

[mostlysignssomeportents]

UEFI hacking malware

Security researchers are alarmed: the already-notorious Trickbot malware has been spottied probing infected computers to find out which version of UEFI they're running. This is read as evidence that Trickbot has figured out how to pull off a really scary feat.

To understand why, you have to understand UEFI: a fascinating, deep, philosophical change to our view of computers, trust, and the knowability of the universe. It's a tale of hard choices, paternalism, and the race to secure the digital realm as it merges with the physical.

Computers were once standalone: a central processing unit that might be augmented by some co-processors for specialized processes, like a graphics card or even a math co-processor.

These co-pros were subordinate to the CPU though. You'd turn on the computer and it would read a very small set of hardcoded instructions telling it how to access a floppy disk or other storage medium for the rest of the boot sequence, the stuff needed to boot the system.

The hardwired instructions were in a ROM that had one job: wake up and feed some instructions to the "computer" telling it what to do, then go back to sleep. But there's a philosophical conundrum here.

Because the world of computing is adversarial and networked computing is doubly so: there are people who want your computer to do things that are antithetical to your interests, like steal your data or spy on you or encrypt all your files and demand ransom.

To stop this, you need to be able to examine the programs running on your computer and terminate the malicious ones. And therein lies the rub: when you instruct your computer to examine its own workings, how do you know if you can trust it?

In 1983, Ken Thompson (co-creator of C, Unix, etc) was awarded a Turing Award ("computer science's Nobel Prize"). He gave a fucking bombshell of an acceptance speech, called "Reflections on Trusting Trust."

https://www.cs.cmu.edu/~rdriley/487/papers/Thompson_1984_ReflectionsonTrustingTrust.pdf

Thompson revealed that he had created a backdoor for himself that didn't just live in Unix, but in the C compiler that people made to create new Unix systems.

Here's what that means: when you write a program, you produce "high-level code" with instructions like "printf("Hello, World!");". Once your program is done, you turn it into machine code, a series of much shorter instructions that your CPU understands ("mov  dx, msg" etc).

Most programmers can't read this machine code, and even for those who can, it's a hard slog. In general, we write our code, compile it and run it, but we don't examine it. With nontrivial programs, looking at the machine code is very, very hard.

Compilers are treated as intrinsically trustworthy. Give 'em some source, they spit out a binary, you run the binary. Sometimes there are compiler bugs, sure, and compiler improvements can be a big deal. But compilers are infrastructure: inscrutable and forgotten.

Here's what Thompson did: he hid a program in his compiler that would check to see whether you were compiling an operating system or a compiler. If you were compiling an OS, it hid a secret login for him inside of it.

If you were compiling a compiler, it hid the program that looked for compilers or operating systems inside of it.

Think about what this means: every OS you compiled had an intentional security defect that the OS itself couldn't detect.

If you suspected that your compiler was up to no good and wrote your own compiler, it would be compromised as soon as you compiled it. What Thompson did was ask us to contemplate what we meant when we "trusted" something.

It was a move straight out of Rene Descartes, the reasoning that leads up to "I think therefore I am." Descartes' "Discourse on the Method" asks how we can know things about the universe.

He points out that sometimes he thinks he senses something but is wrong - he dreams, he hallucinates, he misapprehends.

If all our reasoning depends on the impressions we get from our senses, and if our senses are sometimes faulty, how can we reason at all?

Descartes wants a point of certainty, one thing he *knows* to be absolutely true. He makes the case that if you can be certain of one thing, you can anchor everything else to this point and build up a massive edifice of trustable knowledge that all hangs off of this anchor.

Thompson is basically saying, "You thought you had descartesed your way into a trustable computing universe because of the axiom that I would never poison your lowest-level, most fundamental tools.

"*Wrong*.

"Bwahahahaha."

(But, you know, in a nice way: an object lesson to serve as a wake-up call before computers fully merged with the physical world to form a global, species-wide digital nervous system whose untrustworthy low-level parts were foolishly, implicitly trusted).

But processors were expensive and computers were exploding. PCs running consumer operating systems like Windows and Mac OS (and more exotic ones like GNU/Linux and various Unices) proliferated, and they all shared this flawed security model.

They all relied on the operating system to be a faithful reporter of the computer's internals, and operated on the assumption that they could use programs supervised by the OS to detect and terminate malicious programs.

But starting in 1999, Ken Thompson's revenge was visited upon the computing world. Greg Hoglund released Ntrootkit, a proof-of-concept malware that attacked Windows itself, so that the operating system would lie to antivirus programs about what it was doing and seeing.

In Decartesspeak, your computer could no longer trust its senses, so it could no longer reason. The nub of trust, the piton driven into the mountainface, was made insecure and the whole thing collapsed. Security researchers at big companies like Microsoft took this to heart.

In 2002, Peter Biddle and his team from Microsoft came to EFF to show us a new model for computing: "Trusted Computing" (codenamed "Palladium").

https://web.archive.org/web/20020805211111/https://www.microsoft.com/presspass/features/2002/jul02/0724palladiumwp.asp

Palladium proposed to give computers back their nub of Descartesian certainty. It would use a co-processor, but unlike a graphics card or a math co-pro, it would run before the CPU woke up and did its thing.

And unlike a ROM, it wouldn't just load up the boot sequence and go back to sleep.

This chip - today called a "Secure Enclave" or a "Trusted Platform Module" (etc) - would have real computing power, and it would remain available to the CPU at all times.

Inside the chip was a bunch of cool cryptographic stuff that provided the nub of certainty. At the start of the boot, the TPM would pull the first stages of the boot-code off of the drive, along with a cryptographic signature.

A quick crypto aside:

Crypto is code that mixes a key (a secret known to the user) with text to produce a scrambled text (a "ciphertext") that can only be descrambled by the key.

Dual-key crypto has two keys. What one scrambles, the other descrambles (and vice-versa).

With dual-key crypto, you keep one key secret (the "private key") and you publish the other one (the "public key"). If you scramble something with a private key, then anyone can descramble it with your public key and know it came from you.

If you scramble it *twice*, first with your private key and then with your friend's public key, then they can tell it came from you (because only your private key's ciphertexts can be descrambled with your public key).

And *you* can be certain that only they can read it (because only their private key can descramble messages that were scrambled with their public key).

Code-signing uses dual-key crypto to validate who published some code.

Microsoft can make a shorter version of its code (like a fingerprint) and then you scramble it with its private key. The OS that came with your computer has a copy of MSFT's public key. When you get an OS update, you can descramble the fingerprint with that built-in key.

If it matches the update, then you know that Microsoft signed it and it hasn't been tampered with on its way to you. If you trust Microsoft, you can run the update.

But...What if a virus replaces Microsoft's public keys with its own?

That's where Palladium's TPM comes in. It's got the keys hardcoded into it. Programs running on the CPU can only ask the TPM to do very limited things like ask it to sign some text, or to check the signature on some text.

It's a kind of god-chip, running below the most privileged level of user-accessible operations. By design, you - the owner of the computer - can demand things of it that it is technically capable of doing, and it can refuse you, and you can't override it.

That way, programs running even in the most privileged mode can't compromise it.

Back to our boot sequence: the TPM fetches some startup code from the disk along with a signature, and checks to see whether the OS has been signed by its manufacturer.

If not, it halts and shows you a scary error message. Game over, Ken Thompson!

It is a very cool idea, but it's also very scary, because the chip doesn't take orders from Descartes' omnibenevolent God.

It takes orders from Microsoft, a rapacious monopolist with a history of complicity with human rights abuses. Right from that very first meeting the brilliant EFF technologist Seth Schoen spotted this (and made the Descartes comparison):

https://web.archive.org/web/20021004125515/http://vitanuova.loyalty.org/2002-07-05.html

Seth identified a way of having your cake and eating it too: he proposed a hypothetical thing called an "owner override" - a physical switch that, when depressed, could be used to change which public keys lived in the chip.

This would allow owners of computers to decide who they trusted and would defend them against malware. But what it *wouldn't* do is defend tech companies shareholders against the owner of the computer - it wouldn't facilitate DRM.

"Owner override" is a litmus test: are you Descartes' God, or Thompson's Satan?

Do you want computers to allow their owners to know the truth? Or do you want computers to bluepill their owners, lock them in a matrix where you get to decide what is true?

A month later, I published a multi-award-winning sf story called "0wnz0red" in Salon that tried to dramatize the stakes here.

https://www.salon.com/2002/08/28/0wnz0red/

Despite Seth's technical clarity and my attempts at dramatization, owner override did not get incorporated into trusted computing architectures.

Trusted computing took years to become commonplace in PCs. In the interim, rootkits proliferated. Three years after the Palladium paper, Sony-BMG deliberately turned 6m audio CDs into rootkit vectors that would silently alter your OS when you played them from a CD drive.

The Sony rootkit broke your OS so that any filename starting with $SYS$ didn't show up in file listings, $SYS$ programs wouldn't show up in the process monitor. Accompanying the rootkit was a startup program (starting with $SYS$) that broke CD ripping.

Sony infected hundreds of thousands of US gov and mil networks. Malware authors - naturally enough - added $SYS$ to the files corresponding with their viruses, so that antivirus software (which depends on the OS for information about files and processes) couldn't detect it.

It was an incredibly reckless, depraved act, and it wasn't the last. Criminals, spies and corporations continued to produce rootkits to attack their adversaries (victims, rival states, customers) and trusted computing came to the rescue.

Today, trusted computing is widely used by the world's largest tech companies to force customers to use their app stores, their OSes, their printer ink, their spare parts. It's in medical implants, cars, tractors and kitchen appliances.

None of this stuff has an owner override. In 2012, I gave a talk to Google, Defcon and the Long Now Foundation about the crisis of owner override, called "The Coming Civil War Over General Purpose Computing."

https://memex.craphound.com/2012/08/23/the-coming-civil-war-over-general-purpose-computing/

It proposed a way that owner override, combined with trusted computing, could allow users to resist both state and corporate power, and it warned that a lack of technological self-determination opened the door to a parade of horribles.

Because once you have a system that is designed to override owners - and not the other way around - then anyone who commands that system can, by design, do things that the user can't discern or prevent.

This is the *real* trolley problem when it comes to autonomous vehicles: not "who should a car sacrifice in a dangerous situation?" but rather, "what happens when a car that is designed to sometimes kill its owner is compromised by Bad Guys?"

https://this.deakin.edu.au/self-improvement/car-wars

The thing is, trusted computing with an owner override is pretty magical. Take the Introspection Engine, a co-processor in a fancy Iphone case designed by Edward Snowden and Bunnie Huang. It's designed to catch otherwise undetectable mobile malware.

https://www.tjoe.org/pub/direct-radio-introspection/release/2

You see, your phone doesn't just run Ios or Android; the part that interfaces with the phone system - be baseband radio - runs an ancient, horribly insecure OS, and if it is infected, it can trick your phone's senses, so that it can no longer reason.

The Introspection Engine is a small circuit board that sandwiches between your phone's mainboard and its case, making electrical contact with all the systems that carry network traffic.

This daughterboard has a ribbon cable that snakes out of the SIM slot and into a slightly chunky phone case that has a little open source hardward chip with fully auditable code and an OLED display.

This second computer monitors the electrical signals traveling on the phone's network buses and tells you what's going on. This is a user-accessible god-chip, a way for you to know whether your phone is hallucinating when it tells you that it isn't leaking your data.

That's why it's called an "Introspection Engine." It lets your phone perch at an objective remove and understand how it is thinking.

(If all this sounds familiar, it's because it plays a major role in ATTACK SURFACE, the third Little Brother book)

https://attacksurface.com

The reason the Introspection Engine is so exciting is that it is exceptional. The standard model for trusted computing is that it treats everyone *except* the manufacturer as its adversary - including you, the owner of the device.

This opens up many different sets of risks, all of which have been obvious since 1999's Ntrootkit, and undeniable since 2005's Sony Rootkit.

I. The manufacturer might not have your interests at heart.

In 2016, HP shipped a fake security update to its printers, tricking users into installing a system that rejected their third-party ink, forcing them to pay monopoly prices for HP products.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer

II. An insider at the company may not have your interests at heart.

Multiple "insider threat" attacks have been executed against users. Employees at AT&T, T-Mobile, even Roblox have accepted bribes to attack users on behalf of criminals.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/qj4ddw/hacker-bribed-roblox-insider-accessed-user-data-reset-passwords

III. A government may order the company to attack its users.

In 2017 Apple removed all working VPNs from its Chinese app stores, as part of the Chinese state's mass surveillance program (1m members of religious minorities were subsequently sent to concentration camps).

Apple's trusted computing prevents users from loading apps that aren't in its app stores, meaning that Apple's decisions about which apps you can run on your Iphone are binding on you, even if you disagree.

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-china-apple-vpn/apple-says-it-is-removing-vpn-services-from-china-app-store-idUSKBN1AE0BQ

IV. Third parties may exploit a defect in the trusted computing system and attack users in undetectable ways that users can't prevent.

By design, TPMs can't be field updated, so if there's a defect in them, it can't be patched.

Checkm8 exploits a defect in eight generations Apple's mobile TPM. It's a proof-of-concept released to demonstrate a vulnerability, not malware (thankfully).

https://checkm8.info/

But there have been scattered, frightening instances of malware that attacks the TPM - that suborns the mind of God so that your computer ceases to be able to reason. To date, these have all been associated with state actors who used them surgicially.

State actors know that the efficacy of their cyberweapons is tied to secrecy: once a rival government knows that a system is vulnerable, they'll fix it or stop using it or put it behind a firewall, so these tools are typically used parsimoniously.

But criminals are a different matter (and now, at long last, we're coming back to Trickbot and UEFI) (thanks for hanging in there).

UEFI ("You-Eff-Ee") is a trusted computing that computer manufacturers use to prevent unauthorized OSes from running on the PCs they sell you.

Mostly, they use this to prevent malicious OSes from running on the hardware they manufacture, but there have been scattered instances of it being used for monopolistic purposes: to prevent you from replacing their OS with another one (usually a flavor of GNU/Linux).

UEFI is god-mode for your computer, and a compromise to it would be a Sony Rootkit event, but 15 years later, in a world where systems are more widespread and used for more critical applications from driving power-plants to handling multimillion-dollar transactions.

Trickbot is very sophisticated malware generally believed to be run by criminals, not a government. Like a lot of modern malware, there's a mechanism for updating it in the field with new capabilities - both attacks and defenses.

And Trickbot has been observed in the wild probing infected systems' UEFI. This leads security researchers to believe that Trickbot's authors have figured out how to compromise UEFI on some systems.

https://www.wired.com/story/trickbot-botnet-uefi-firmware/

Now, no one has actually observed UEFI being compromised, nor has anyone captured any UEFI-compromising Trickbot code. The thinking goes that Trickbot only downloads the UEFI code when it finds a vulnerable system.

Running in UEFI would make Trickbot largely undetectable and undeletable. Even wiping and restoring the OS wouldn't do it. Remember, TPMs are designed to be unpatchable and tamper-resistant. The physical hardware is designed to break forever if you try to swap it out.

If this is indeed what's going on, it's the first instance in which a trusted computing module was used to attack users by criminals (not governments or the manufacturer and its insiders). And Trickbot's owners are really bad people.

They've hired out to the North Korean state to steal from multinationals; they've installed ransomware in big companies, and while their footprint has waned, they once controlled 1,000,000 infected systems.

You can check your UEFI to see if it's vulnerable to tampering:

https://eclypsium.com/2019/10/23/protecting-system-firmware-storage/

and also determine whether it has been compromised:

https://eclypsium.com/2020/10/14/protecting-your-organizations-from-mosaicregressor-and-other-uefi-implants/

But this isn't the end, it's just getting started. As Seth Schoen warned us in 2002, the paternalistic mode of computing has a huge, Ken Thompson-shaped hole in it: it requires you trust the benevolence of a manufacturer, and, crucially, they know you don't have a choice.

If companies knew that you *could* alter whom you trusted, they would have to work to earn and keep your trust. If governments knew that ordering a company to compromise on TPMs, they'd understand that their targets would simply shift tactics if they made that order.

Some users would make foolish decisions about whom to trust, but they would also have recourse when a trusted system was revealed to be defective. This is a fight that's into its third decade, and the stakes have never been higher.

Sadly, we are no closer to owner override than we were in 2002.

[lucidpantone]

Reacting to reactions: Kynicole s4 ep1 (comments edition)

Okay, so you know when something comes out and you need to talk about it with other humans because you can’t hold it in?  This is me right now with the youtube comments on kynicole’s reaction video. I am about to burst 🤯.

**First and foremost lets thank kynicole for doing what most of us aren't willing to do for ourselves which is revisit the trainwreck that is wtFOCK s4.**

Disclaimer: This is long as hell

Ok so literally first comment I see is this:

People!!! Moyo from all the information we’ve been given as a fandom am pretty sure is not blocked. You know that saying, actions speak louder than words?Well let's analyze the actions of wtFOCK(particularly Rutgers) and Noa. I have asked sooo many people about the block question and I always get the same answer “I don’t know”. Which coupled with everything else that has played out tells me a lot. Ok firstly, we are all aware that wtFOCK is yet to comment on or even acknowledge s4. The newsmonkey article wtFOCK did after every season they skipped entirely after s4. You know what wtFOCK did do? They sent out Nora b4 s4 even ended to calm down the fandom. Oh lets send the WOC out to quell the screams from all the fans that are screaming at the injustice of giving this season to Romi(who was a way less experienced actor, who had no previous backstory on the show, who no one asked for, who was white, a legitimate model, and to put it simply didn’t work anywhere near as hard as Noa for 3 seasons). Anyways here is why I am pretty sure Moyo isn't block.

Think about everything we know about Noa as a human being the way he treats the fans, his demeanor and just overall vibe. To me he seems like a very nice person, he writes back to most of you guys when you talk to him. I saw him comment heart emojis to fan accounts that commented on his award acceptance the other day and you know what he said at the award “That the fans are the most important thing”. Now connect the Noa we know from his actions to his own words on the day the main was revealed:

To me this tweet implies whatever he is speaking about involved a choice and the chooser chose to make money over morality. Now lets exam Rutgers actions. He has never publicly spoken about the season and the reason I believe he doesn't speak is because any decent journalist is going to ask him to explain his casting choice. Also your telling me that if Moyo had been blocked after week 4,5,6,7,8 of having the fandom hurl insults at wtfock and also Romi calling a meeting they wouldn't have used their end of the season interview to confirm Moyo wasn’t an option to shut the fandom up? Oh and last week Noa accepted the award for wtfock and Rutgers posted Noa on his story??? Moyo wasn’t the main of s4. Wouldn't it make sense to have a main accept the award? Why Noa? Rutgers is not stupid. I don’t believe for one second that Moyo was blocked. What I believe is that wtFOCK’s leadership who happens to all be white men are to embarrassed to go on the record and say “yeah Moyo wasn’t block but we still didn’t chose him” and that instead of giving the season to Noa who worked his ass off for 3 seasons they gave it to Romi because they thought “her look” was more appeasing to advertisers. Her look was obviously what sold them on her because next to Noa we know who the better actor was and Noa literally landed a feature film to prove that. Anyways everyone needs to stop pushing this idea that Moyo was blocked because if you actually look at everyone’s actions involved its pretty clear to me he wasn't blocked and Rutgers and the team are refusing to confirm what to me is fairly obvious answer because they know they are going to get fucking dragged. Also whoever this commenter is they know what's up. I agree with everything you stated:

☝️☝️☝️Say it louder sis. wtFOCK bypassed Noa on purpose they chose to do what they did to him. I do genuinely believe they regret the decision now because from everything I heard I really do believe they wish they could go back and chose Noa but the damage is done. 

Next YT comment:

You know when early on in the season a bunch of POC said that this season was merely a platform to embolden and give free reign to those who already harbored racial micro-aggression 👇👇👇

Oh surprise, surprise..... this commenter sees no redeeming qualities in both black boys who in their respective remakes are written as being homophobic, with undertones of aggression and as bad friends. Oh and then this commenter points out how poor Moyo treated Kato. Bwahahahaha what?? Yea Moyo insulted Kato but he never accused her of being a drug dealer, or implies she has a drug problem, or racially profiles members of her community or manipulates her with saying I love you as a form of keeping her but Moyo treats Kato badly. GTFO!!! I am sure this commenter is a Mailin stan too and would say Ava isnt someone she would be interested in seeing main either. Wonder what all these characters have in common🤔. This type of commentary is what created the divide that still resides in the wtfock fandom to date. This shit is what tore the fandom apart and eventually led people to leave the fandom or take time off because people went for each others throats as the season got worse and those who defended wtfock at the beginning were eaten alive. Honestly tho I dont want to excuse people’s troublesome povs on race but wtFOCK’s decision to make a season where their white main never fully apologizes or owns her behavior with the appropriate language perpetuates a pattern of bad behavior so am kinda of not shocked no one came out with some insight on race relations after s4 if anything probably with less of an education then they began with because wtfock themselves peddled the agenda that its ok to silence people of color (as they did with moyo at the end of the season, he never says his piece to kato and stays with her) and Kato never takes ownership of her actions and states that her actions stem from some form of racial micro-aggression.

Final Comments reviewed:

I mean.... look I will always adore season 2 & 3 of wtfock. Nothing will ever change that for me but these people ☝️☝️are right. It takes a real fan to be honest with themselves and to me this is the worse season in the universe and it makes me so sad mainly because it could have been the most fearless, ground breaking season but wtfock made a choice. They literally had the opportunity to go big and do something that had never been done before and in the end they choked and paid the ultimate price. What a waste.......could have been amazing the had the perfect actor to main and they fucking blew it because in their mind Moyo wasn't an important enough story to tell 😞.

p.s. I noticed kynicole said at least half a dozen times in her video I still dont get why this wasn’t in Moyo’s pov? Literally said EVERYONE!!!

[solastia]

Day 19

Break My Stride, Yoongi x Jungkook, ABO, 4/4 Chapters, 14k words

YOU KNOW MY DRAMATIC ASS SAVED THIS FOR A FRIDAY! If y'all thought my screeching was annoying before, be prepared for about 10x more screeching and indecipherable noises. As the very wise Deadpool once said, “MAXIMUM EFFORT!”

First off, congratulations because this was your first fic to reach 10k hits (and it’s now at 34K hits, whaaaa??!! A few hundred of those may possibly be from me...possibly...probably...most definitely! lmao)

You know my fave ship is Yoonmin (I don’t take shipping irl seriously, don’t come for me plz) but I absolutely LOVE the dynamics between Kookie and Yoongi in this fic. Your writing, the plot, the dialogue, the whole thing is just top tier deliciousness every step of the way. It is scrumptious, mouth watering, exquisite, uuugh *chef’s kiss* bellissimo!

Ok, LOTS OF SPOILERS BECAUSE THIS FIC IS MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FICTIONAL STORY AND Y’ALL CAN’T STOP ME, MUAHAHAHA!

In the beginning of the story, you create a sense of home for the audience. We feel like we know these characters, we get a sense that they’ve been a group of friends for a very long time, and they each hold a special part of each other’s lives, and it’s freaking beautiful.

“Yoongi shook his head and started picking the olives off his slice of pizza. When he turns to his right to give the olives away, he realizes why he’d felt something was wrong.”

You see! He hadn’t even realized that Kookie was missing, but he felt like something was off.

Oh! And I wanted to ask you about the idea for a mating run! I’ve never read anything like this before, it was an interesting concept to think about. And this would be Yoongi’s 8th run! Oh babey, he was just waiting for the right mate…

“He wasn’t sure what it was, but the image of Jungkook finding someone during the run made him feel…itchy.”

Our boi is already jealous at just the idea of Kookie finding a mate (other than him ofc, but he doesn’t know that yet, bwahahahaha!!)

“Good idea, you’re going to need all the rest you can get,” Seokjin says with an ominous smirk.”

I SHOULD GIVE YOU THE SAME WARNING SEOKJINNIE!!!

“There were even booth setups for merchandise and food.”

OMG, I could see Hobi or Jin buying some cheesy “I survived the 20__ Run and All I Got Was This Shirt”. Or maybe a beer cozy!

“No, he said that would be pointless because his mate’s a cheating cheater that plays dirty. He said the chances of them covering their scent were high. He’s making sure his den is ready,” Seokjin scoffed.

Yoongi accepted the drink Jimin handed him and chuckled. “Sounds like I might actually like them.”

“You have no idea,” Jin said with a snort”

Yoongi, are you so jaded, so blind by your general saltiness that you are not understanding the very obvious clues being thrown your way?!?!?! Kookie, where are you? Put this man in his place please!!

And then when he was told that Kook bought that house he’d had his eyes on for years, uughhh, I was hurting for our Yoonie!

“Yoongi suddenly felt like crying, but he settled for collapsing onto the bench and clenching his fist.”

AAAHHH! But wait a little while Yoongi, I promise all this hurt will be over soon!

“Suddenly, Namjoon growled menacingly, startling everyone. Hoseok looked over to the spot where Namjoon was steadily staring, curiosity in his gaze before it too hardened and he started glaring with bared teeth. A random city Alpha that had been approaching them instantly halted, hands out in surrender.”

HOW COULD I FORGET THIS SUB-PLOT!!! Jin was over there laughing at how oblivious Yoongi was, and he isn’t any better, is he?!? Imagine having Joon and Hobi scaring the competition away like that??!! I would take them home immediately!

“There’s a huge plush rug and plenty of blankets, big fluffy pillows, a little stash of food and entertainment. I even put scent blockers around so no one would smell anything coming from inside,” Yoongi preened as he thought of his perfect hideaway.

Yoongi would def be one to make his little den as comfortable as possible! But I just thought of something. In your earlier description of Yoongi’s apartment, he said it was a bit stark and lacked any real decor. BUT he went out of his way to make this den as comfortable as possible. He bought a string of fairy lights, and he had to go to the big city to get them! It’s almost like it was fate, or maybe deep down he knew that something was going to happen, and he was inadvertently nesting! (please insert “I’ve connected the dots” meme here)

“He was sure there were plenty of Alphas running around with those piercings and Kook’s ginormous honker of a nose.”

:|

Was it really Kook? Or is our boy so in love that he sees Kookie wherever he goes? Lmao!

“Yoongi was about to show this guy that he wasn’t someone to be messed with and he wouldn’t be dragged off to be someone’s good little Omega bitch. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the taser he’d packed just in case.”

OMG, Yoongi is not messing around, absolutely zero chill!

“It seemed presenting had changed him physically as well, shooting him up a couple inches so he towered over Yoongi even more than usual. His arms and legs were rippling with muscle that even the black tracksuit he was wearing couldn’t hide. His face was still the same though; the innocent grin an interesting contrast with the buff build.”

SIR!! My heart cannot take this punishment! And OFC he’s a Prime Alpha, Kookie doesn’t know how to half-ass anything!

“And just like he had a million times before, Yoongi gave in like the soft ass bitch he was.”

He really is soft for all of them!!! Yoongi will let them do whatever they want with him, he’ll complain the entire way but we all know he secretly loves it!

“Yoongi dared a quick look behind him, audibly gulping at the sight of the Alpha staring at his ass like he was a starving man at an all you can eat buffet. Jungkook was grinding his jaw and had his nails dug into the dirt like he was trying to control himself.”

I mean, we’ve all seen the Yoonbooty. It does look very biteable. Relatable AF Kook!

“Jungkook continued poking around in things; picking up a candle to sniff, trying to sneak a peek into the duffle bag, ruffling around in the bag of snacks - all while stealing glances at the bed in the middle of the room. “

WAY TO NOT BE OBVIOUS KOOK!!!

“What are you doing, Kook? You’re wasting time here when you should be out there chasing down your mate. They are probably wondering where you are.”

“They know where I am.”

“You told them you were going to hang out with me and they were fine with it?”

“Hyung, you’re usually so smart. Think about it.”

Every time I read this, I die a little bit inside (in a good way, I promise). Yoongi’s whole world is about to be turned upside down, and he has no idea!!!

“The house…”

Jungkook’s eyes softened, smiling fondly at him. “I bought it for you, hyung. Whether you choose me today or not, it’s yours.”

I cry.

What a courting gift!!! Kook doesn’t understand subtlety, does he??!! And how selfless is this? This is a no-strings attached gift, given to Yoongi out of love.

I cry.

“I love the way we are now, equals with a little bit of babying me on the side,” Jungkook grins when Yoongi snorts, shaking his head fondly at the other.”

I would like to see that please.

AND THEN THIS LINE:

“Omega,” Jungkook says softly, so rife with emotion that Yoongi can hear everything he’s trying to say in just that one word. “May I enter your nest?”

This is it, this is as far as I go fam. I have been destroyed with six whole words. How can such a simple statement hold so much emotion, so much hopeful pleading?

And then the whole interaction on the bed! Yoongi asking if he wants to play cards (bwahahaha, sure Jan), Kookie being prepared to wipe away all the descenting salve, Kook getting scent high, YOONGI’S GRANDPA RUN, those first initial uses of pet names, everything was so intimate and playful. It was beautiful!

“I bet I could easily pick you up and fuck you against a wall sometime if you wanted. Maybe even have you straddle my shoulders and I could suck you off that way,” Jungkook muses so matter of factly despite the subject matter, and Yoongi can feel himself get wetter by the second.”

Aaaaaaand there’s the emotional whiplash I’ve come to love from you!

“Whatever you want. You’re in charge.”

Kookie being selfless again! I cannot! It’s about these little things that are done between partners that really matter. Kook is a newly presented virgin Prime Alpha in the midst of a claiming, and his first priority is still making sure Yoongi feels good. He’s giving him all the power here.

“Good,” Yoongi yawns loudly and throws a couple of blankets over them, tangling their legs together. “Later we can try the thing with the nipples.”

Again, I would like to see that please.

“Suddenly, Yoongi’s eyes shoot open and he gasps.

“Oh shit! Your brother is going to kill me!”

Jungkook merely laughs”

😂😂😂

“I’ll give you some meat,” Yoongi grumbles playfully as he climbs off the bed, stretching his aching limbs.

“I mean, I’m down for anything,” Jungkook giggles.”

Not to sound like a broken record, but...I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT PLEASE

“Jungkook walked straight towards the first woman he saw with a clipboard, blindsiding the stunned woman with one of his lethal smiles while he wrapped an arm around Yoongi’s waist to pull him close.

“Hi! We both need mating packets.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes because he could tell that Jungkook was practically bragging instead of just asking like a normal person.”

He’s practically bragging about Yoongi being his mate! I have a feeling Kookie is going to be unbearable to be around in the upcoming weeks.

And then we get a teeny tiny peek at the Nam-Jin-Hobi subplot and ooomg I hope you’re able to explore this particular pairing in the future. There is so much potential there for steamy/fluffy scenes!

“I just mean, like, soulmates. You know? Maybe we were supposed to meet to help each other find our mates. Or maybe we are all soulmates in various forms.”

DON’T! DON’T HURT ME THIS WAY, I CANNOT AND WILL NOT SURVIVE!

AAAAH this fic was wonderful! It feels complete the way you ended it, but I am definitely still craving more! Good job, dayumm!

It still amazes me how many people have read this one lol. But yeah, this is one of my favorites too. I do have other side stories that I’m working on for this one, including one from Jk’s birthday and another for Namjinseok.

I just really really love writing people that are so unapologetically whipped. Like, it’s such a major thing for me because in real life there are a ridiculous amount of people that are embarrassed to show how much they care about their SO, and like, why? Why are you even with them if you’re so embarrassed to show them any affection? Show the world that you are proud they choose to be with you, show your person that they are precious. I’m not even saying buy them shit all the time (because for some reason het males seem to think that’s what everyone means). I mean hold their damn hand, write them a note, tell them they are pretty. There’s a reason that a person who technically still identifies as gay man is in a steady relationship with me, a pan woman. And it’s because I fucking treat him like he’s the reason my heart beats and I’m not ashamed to show the world. Ok, I’m ranting now lol. I’ll stop. But you get the picture.

[donnerpartyofone]

People really don't understand it when you don't like the same things as them, and by "them" I mean most people, most humans, practically all mammals. If you say you don't like being touched, for instance, people think you MUST mean "I love being touched but I'm too scared and shy to ask, please hug me immediately, ignore my protests, save me from myself!" It's like that horrible idea about how lesbians are just straight girls who haven't met the right dick yet, but on a more general scale. I often think of this girl, incidentally a super maternal person, who bumped into my ass as she passed my barstool. She responded by...cupping...my bottom...in her gentle little mommy hands and going AAAAWWWW! I turned around, instantly enraged, and told her not to touch my ass. She responded in turn by IMMEDIATELY doing it AGAIN. You'd think she was fucking with me, but I could see this lost, confused look in her eye, her unable to get around the natural law that people are supposed to touch each other to make each other feel better, her just not able to understand that NOT touching me actually makes me feel MUCH BETTER. I think about traumatic times at work where someone could see that I was about to cry and decided to hug me, which caused me to collapse completely, humiliatingly, but at no time did I feel grateful for the warmth and protection of the embrace, I was just scared and disturbed ON TOP of the problems I was already having. The people in my life, including family and best friends, who have gotten the memo about touching, find it completely hilarious, like it's some dumb little affectation I put on, like your mom affectionately laughing at your mohawk or something. "You're just like Dave Letterman!" my dad cackles, which is honestly my preferred reaction of all time. On the other hand, I had a female friend who was always really grabby with me, which I think was partly because she was a girl (vs a threatening man) and partly because she was real sexy and used to people WANTING to touch her, so why should I be an exception? She'd grope me and when I asked her not to she'd go BWAHAHAHAHA "DON'T TOUCH CLAIRE" like I was literally playing a game, while I sat there trying to mentally wash the sense memory off my skin. My wedding dress was backless, and so when my stepmother, who I love dearly, rested her head on my bare flesh to get my bustle fastened, it should have been a sentimental moment, but my brain was just screaming SOMEBODY'S TOUCHING ME SOMEBODY'S TOUCHING ME SOMEBODY'S TOUCHING ME. I can still feel it when I think about it, a feeling like I forgot to shower this morning. My entire concept of human bodies is that they're pretty good for sex, but should otherwise be subject to a respectful distance. So, the less attracted I am to the person touching me, the more rattled I am, and I start having all kinds of intrusive thoughts, and then I kind of have to scratch my skin until the memory is erased. Straight up one of the reasons I don't like going to parties is not just that I'm antisocial, but it's also that I dread the moment I arrive and the moment I leave--those are the times that EVERYONE LOOKS AT ME and EVERYONE TOUCHES ME, the horrible ritual. Tonight I'm lending some money to a friend in serious need, and I told her straight up that I'm having way too hard of a day for her to be all gushing with me as usual, and she's sort of just finding one way after another after another to sneakily/jokingly shower me with affection against my wishes, and I can't get it across to her that it hurts me more to be physically and emotionally imposed upon when I'm not ready, than it hurts her to have to wait until I'm feeling more stable to be all lovey dovey. I actually spend a huge amount of personal energy training myself to hug and be hugged so that other people don't get all offended, as if the fact that they're "normal" makes them more deserving of comfort than me. It's kind of fucked up but I don't know what else to do. I do not, even in my most secret heart of hearts, blush with the desire for my bestest buddies to put their arms around me and impress their torsos onto my flesh. I don't enjoy it, and on top of that, I start feeling alienated and guilty about how much I hate it. I have to spend about 15 minutes after even the most innocent doctor's appointment sobbing and convincing myself that it wasn't a rape, and then I just feel totally filthy for like 24 hours. It's not fun and it's not supposed to be funny. Please don't hug your friends who say they don't like being touched, they're not being coy with you, they're begging you to care how they feel, and the best way to make them feel loved is to take them at their word about who they are.

PS I had to post this from the browser version on my phone, because the android mobile app has NO IDEA how to handle text posts of this modest length. Rejects them all instantly, tells me my connection is bad, tells me something is wrong every couple minutes for like 24 hours. In fact, I went back to the app after posting to try to add this PS, and the app just straight pretended it wasn't even happening.

[laniakeabooks]

March Wrap-Up

I read books 17 books in March! I did post a few individual reviews and have tagged them here in case you’re interested.

Gemina by Amy Kaufman and Jay Kristoff - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Moving to a space station at the edge of the galaxy was always going to be the death of Hanna’s social life. Nobody said it might actually get her killed

The sci-fi saga that began with the breakout bestseller Illuminae continues on board the Jump Station Heimdall, where two new characters will confront the next wave of the BeiTech assault.

Hanna is the station captain’s pampered daughter; Nik the reluctant member of a notorious crime family. But while the pair are struggling with the realities of life aboard the galaxy’s most boring space station, little do they know that Kady Grant and the Hypatia are headed right toward Heimdall, carrying news of the Kerenza invasion.

When an elite BeiTech strike team invades the station, Hanna and Nik are thrown together to defend their home. But alien predators are picking off the station residents one by one, and a malfunction in the station’s wormhole means the space-time continuum might be ripped in two before dinner. Soon Hanna and Nik aren’t just fighting for their own survival; the fate of everyone on the Hypatia—and possibly the known universe—is in their hands.

But relax. They’ve totally got this. They hope.

I just have so much love for this series. When I finally get to Obsidio and finish it (still waiting for the paperback), I’ll write a whole series review!

 Asteria: Into the Fray by Adrienne Enfinger - ⭐⭐

It's not every day that your suicide attempt is interrupted by a handsome archangel. But then, nothing remains ordinary for long on the day Asteria meets Micah for the first time.

Talking her down from the ledge, Micah reveals to Asteria that she is no ordinary young woman. She is the descendant of nephilim - part angel, part human - and her parents did not die in a car crash, they were killed by the fallen angel, Azazel, in the eternal battle of good versus evil.

Asteria finds herself thrust into the middle of that war and discovers that she is part of a prophecy that can finally bring about its end - if Azazel does not kill her first.

She soon joins forces with angels, good and bad, in an epic battle that could save mankind...

...or bring about its demise

Not great… it definitely read like a fanfiction of Supernatural and the quality of writing was… ehhhhhh it was weird like Enfinger was trying too hard.

 Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Moral allegory and spiritual autobiography, The Little Prince is the most translated book in the French language. With a timeless charm it tells the story of a little boy who leaves the safety of his own tiny planet to travel the universe, learning the vagaries of adult behaviour through a series of extraordinary encounters. His personal odyssey culminates in a voyage to Earth and further adventures.

Full review soon to follow!

 Little Pills by Melody Dodds - ⭐⭐⭐

Seventeen-year-old Charlotte Navarro never asked to be anyone's hero. If you're a hero, your sister isn't supposed to hate you. And you're definitely not supposed to get hooked on Gramma's painkillers. Even so, Charlotte's sister's friend Mia looks at her like she's some sort of hero. As Charlotte starts taking pills more and more, she has to question how it could hurt herself and others, even Mia. Is it a harmless habit or a dangerous addiction?

Review here! Publication – 2nd April 2019

 You Do You by Sarah Knight - ⭐⭐⭐

Being yourself should be easy, yet too many of us struggle to live on other people's terms instead of our own. Rather than feeling large and in charge, we feel little and belittled.

Sound familiar? Bestselling "anti-guru" Sarah Knight has three simple words for you:

YOU DO YOU.

It's time to start putting your happiness first--and stop letting other people tell you what to do, how to do it, or why it can't be done. And don't panic! You can do it without losing friends and alienating people. Knight delivers her trademark no-bullsh*t advice about:

The Tyranny of "Just Because"

The social contract and how to amend it

Turning "flaws" into strengths--aka "mental redecorating"

Why it's not your job to be nice

Letting your freak flag fly

How to take risks, silence the doubters, and prove the haters wrong

Review

 Beauty Queens by Libba Bray - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

The 50 contestants in the Miss Teen Dream pageant thought this was going to be a fun trip to the beach, where they could parade in their state-appropriate costumes and compete in front of the cameras.

But sadly, their airplane had another idea, crashing on a desert island and leaving the survivors stranded with little food, little water, and practically no eyeliner.

What’s a beauty queen to do? Continue to practice for the talent portion of the program - or wrestle snakes to the ground? Get a perfect tan - or learn to run wild? And what should happen when the sexy pirates show up?

Welcome to the heart of non-exfoliated darkness.

BWAHAHAHAHA THIS IS JUST MY TYPE OF HUMOUR!! Granted, my humour is a… specific brand so just beware going into this.

The Center of the Universe by Ria Voros - ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 

  Grace Carter's mother --- the celebrity news anchor GG Carter --- is everything Grace is not. GG is a star, with a flawless wardrobe and a following of thousands, while Grace --- an aspiring astrophysicist --- is into stars of another kind. She and her mother have always been in different orbits. Then one day GG is just ... gone. Cameras descend on their house, news shows speculate about what might have happened and Grace's family struggles to find a new rhythm as they wait for answers. While the authorities unravel the mystery behind GG's disappearance, Grace grows closer to her high school's golden boy, Mylo, who has faced a black hole of his own. She also uncovers some secrets from her mother's long-lost past. The more Grace learns, the more she wonders. Did she ever really know her mother? Was GG abducted ... or did she leave? And if she left, why?

Review here! Publication – April 2nd 2019

 ReWired by S. R. Johannes -  ⭐

Sixteen-year-old Ada Lovelace is never more alive and sure of herself than when she's hacking into a "secure" network as her alter ego, the Dark Angel. In the real world, Ada is broken, reeling from her best friend Simone's recent suicide. But online, the reclusive daughter of Senator Lovelace (champion of the new Online Privacy Bill) is a daring white hat hacker and the only female member of the Orwellians, an elite group responsible for a string of high-profile hacks against major corporations, with a mission to protect the little guy. Ada is swiftly proving she's a force to be reckoned with, when a fellow Orwellian betrays her to the FBI. To protect her father's career, Ada is sent to ReBoot, a technology rehab facility for teens...the same rehab Simone attended right before killing herself.

It's bad enough that the ReBoot facility is creepy in an Overlook-Hotel-meets-Winchester-Mansion way, but when Ada realizes Simone's suicide is just one in an increasingly suspicious string of "accidental" deaths and "suicides" occurring just after kids leave ReBoot, Ada knows she can't leave without figuring out what really happened to her best friend. The massive cyber conspiracy she uncovers will threaten everything she cares about--her dad's career, her new relationship with a wry, handsome, reformed hacker who gets under her skin, and most of all--the version of herself Ada likes best--the Dark Angel.

Uh yeah here’s my rant review. I just... yeah if you want to know what I thought just read the review I can’t be bothered to reiterate.

Zenith by Linday Cummings and Sasha Alsberg - ⭐⭐⭐

Most know Androma Racella as the Bloody Baroness, a powerful mercenary whose reign of terror stretches across the Mirabel Galaxy. To those aboard her glass starship, Marauder, however, she's just Andi, their friend and fearless leader.

But when a routine mission goes awry, the Marauder's all-girl crew is tested as they find themselves in a treacherous situation and at the mercy of a sadistic bounty hunter from Andi's past.

Meanwhile, across the galaxy, a ruthless ruler waits in the shadows of the planet Xen Ptera, biding her time to exact revenge for the destruction of her people. The pieces of her deadly plan are about to fall into place, unleashing a plot that will tear Mirabel in two.

Andi and her crew embark on a dangerous, soul-testing journey that could restore order to their shipor just as easily start a war that will devour worlds. As the Marauder hurtles toward the unknown, and Mirabel hangs in the balance, the only certainty is that in a galaxy run on lies and illusion, no one can be trusted.

You know what, not as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, it wasn’t anything special and I’m not very attached to the characters, but hey there are only two books so who knows maybe I’ll just finish the series.

The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

In Mary's world there are simple truths. The Sisterhood always knows best. The Guardians will protect and serve. The Unconsecrated will never relent. And you must always mind the fence that surrounds the village; the fence that protects the village from the Forest of Hands and Teeth. But, slowly, Mary’s truths are failing her. She’s learning things she never wanted to know about the Sisterhood and its secrets, and the Guardians and their power, and about the Unconsecrated and their relentlessness. When the fence is breached and her world is thrown into chaos, she must choose between her village and her future—between the one she loves and the one who loves her. And she must face the truth about the Forest of Hands and Teeth. Could there be life outside a world surrounded by so much death?

I knew I had a good feeling about this book. It’s eerie and I was stressing the fuck out the entire book about that dog’s wellbeing. 100% do recommend if you’re into brutal, creepy and dark books. Be forewarned, when I say dark, I mean DARK. Like zombie babies and children that are subsequently decapitated dark.

Losing Adam by Adrienne Clarke - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 What happens when the person you love most in the world suddenly becomes a stranger?

Adam and Jenny’s world is falling apart. Their dream of attending college together away from home quickly becomes a nightmare when Adam begins hearing the voice of the Snow Queen. Adam’s startling transformation from popular drama student into a withdrawn, suspicious stranger leaves Jenny frightened and confused. How can the person she loves most in the world suddenly become someone she doesn’t recognize? As Adam drifts farther and farther away into the Snow Queen’s mysterious world of ice and snow, Jenny believes she must fight to bring him back or risk losing him forever.

Holy fuck. This book probably has the most accurate representation of any mental illness I’ve seen in YA. Adam’s schizophrenia wasn’t watered down in the slightest and it wasn’t romanticized. I would have liked to read more of Adam’s perspective than Jenny’s since Adrienne Clarke writes mental illness so accurately. Does that make sense?

I liked that she gave us a look at how mental illness affects the individual in question, but also their loved ones. Although I would have preferred if we had focused more on Adam as for the reason above.

Whisper by Lynette Noni - ⭐⭐⭐

For two years, six months, fourteen days, eleven hours and sixteen minutes, Subject Six-Eight-Four — ‘Jane Doe’ — has been locked away and experimented on, without uttering a single word.

As Jane’s resolve begins to crack under the influence of her new — and unexpectedly kind — evaluator, she uncovers the truth about Lengard’s mysterious ‘program’, discovering that her own secret is at the heart of a sinister plot … and one wrong move, one wrong word, could change the world.

Review Here!

 The Thirteenth Guardian by K.M. Lewis - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Da Vinci’s secret pales. Michelangelo concealed an explosive truth in his famous Creation of Man fresco in the Sistine Chapel at the Vatican. Everything we have been taught about Eve is wrong—she didn’t cause the fall of man. Instead, Eve carried a far more devastating secret for millennia; one that will change the world forever.

As the modern-day world suffers the cataclysmic effects of the “Plagues of Egypt”, Avery Fitzgerald, a statuesque Astrophysics major at Stanford, discovers that she is mysteriously bound to five strangers by an extremely rare condition that foremost medical experts cannot explain. Thrust into extraordinary circumstances, they race against time to stay alive as they are pursued by an age-old adversary and the world around them collapses into annihilation. Under sacred oath, The Guardians—a far more archaic and enigmatic secret society than the Freemasons, Templars, and the Priory—protect Avery as she embarks on a daring quest that only legends of old have been on before. Avery must come to terms with the shocking realization that the blood of an ancient queen flows through her veins and that the fate of the world now rests on her shoulders.

Release date – June 7th 2019

Review Here!

Angelfall by Susan Ee - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

It's been six weeks since angels of the apocalypse descended to demolish the modern world. Street gangs rule the day while fear and superstition rule the night. When warrior angels fly away with a helpless little girl, her seventeen-year-old sister Penryn will do anything to get her back.

Anything, including making a deal with an enemy angel.

Raffe is a warrior who lies broken and wingless on the street. After eons of fighting his own battles, he finds himself being rescued from a desperate situation by a half-starved teenage girl.

Traveling through a dark and twisted Northern California, they have only each other to rely on for survival. Together, they journey toward the angels' stronghold in San Francisco where she'll risk everything to rescue her sister and he'll put himself at the mercy of his greatest enemies for the chance to be made whole again.

Yesssssss I like this. I find that many angel stories are overdone or hyper-religious, but this, this seems pretty promising.

Dead of Night by Carlyle Labuschagne – ⭐

In a dark and desolated After Earth, love still does exist, but the cost of bearing such a flaw is death.

World War III has left Earth in utter turmoil. People’s beliefs are said to be the cause of the worldwide destruction. After The Clearing new laws are set about - to show certitude in anything besides the law is weak and chargeable as mutiny. To be illogical and have faith in religion is illegal, to be limitless is dangerous. And Illness is seen as a defect – all flaws that are inexcusable.

But to love is the greatest betrayal of all man kind. It is a fault the world has long forgotten and punishable by death, a fatal risk Aecker and Opel are fully prepared to take - because in love there is freedom. But how far can they push back before it claims their lives and of those they care about?

This is the worst book I’ve read in my entire life.

Oh my god it was just so bad I don’t even know where to start. There is no plot, the characters are flat, every single scene was chaotic (I swear I got [metaphorical] whiplash), and it ends out of fucking nowhere. I thought I was missing part of my copy then ending was so sudden.

The world development was non-existent, and I was just confused all the way through.

I would write an individual review on this since I received it in exchange for an honest review, but honestly, this is all I have to say. I’m not even entirely sure as to what happened. 

Unfortunately, 0 stars is not an option on Goodreads, so I had to stick with one even though I don’t think it deserves it.

I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga – ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Jasper "Jazz" Dent is a likable teenager. A charmer, one might say.

But he's also the son of the world's most infamous serial killer, and for Dear Old Dad, Take Your Son to Work Day was year-round. Jazz has witnessed crime scenes the way cops wish they could—from the criminal's point of view.

And now bodies are piling up in Lobo's Nod.

In an effort to clear his name, Jazz joins the police in a hunt for a new serial killer. But Jazz has a secret—could he be more like his father than anyone knows?

Yessss another thriller. I love the internal conflict Jazz is dealing with and it’s expertly woven in with the plot. Would recommend, and will definitely be continuing on with the series!

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen – ⭐⭐

Since its immediate success in 1813, Pride and Prejudice has remained one of the most popular novels in the English language. Jane Austen called this brilliant work "her own darling child" and its vivacious heroine, Elizabeth Bennet, "as delightful a creature as ever appeared in print." The romantic clash between the opinionated Elizabeth and her proud beau, Mr. Darcy, is a splendid performance of civilized sparring. And Jane Austen's radiant wit sparkles as her characters dance a delicate quadrille of flirtation and intrigue, making this book the most superb comedy of manners of Regency England.

You know… it’s a classic. I don’t really like classics. I feel like I need to read them you know? Oh well.

Everyone’s a Aliebn when ur a Aliebn Too by Jomny Sun - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Here is the unforgettable story of Jomny, an alien sent to study Earth. Always feeling apart, even among his species, Jomny feels at home for the first time among the earthlings he meets. There is a bear tired of other creatures running in fear, an egg struggling to decide what to hatch into, a turtle hiding itself by learning camouflage, a puppy struggling to express its true feelings, and many more.

The characters are unique and inventive—bees think long and hard about what love means, birds try to eat the sun, nothingness questions its own existence, a ghost comes to terms with dying, and an introverted hedgehog slowly lets Jomny see its artistic insecurities. At the same time, Jomny’s curious presence allows these characters to open up to him in ways they were never able to before, revealing the power of somebody who is just there to listen.

Oh my god this was just so cute and filled with so many important messages than hit very close to home. New favourite for sure.

Number of books read: 17

Number of pages read: 5806

Average Pages per Book : 341.5

Average rating: 3.4

Favourite book of the month: Gemina by Amy Kaufman and Jay Kristoff. I love love love the Illuminae files! Definitely my favourite sci-fi series to date.

Least favourite book of the month: Dead of Night by Carlyle Labuschange. It’s just so bad, you guys.

[evilkitten3]

i love heimdall so i tend to give him the benefit of the doubt, but i'm perfectly willing to admit that that's my own bias talking (idris elba is one damn handsome man. y'all should be glad i don't watch the wire; who knows what i'd be saying about the guy he plays there)

my less serious theory is that heimdall just really freaking loves committing treason. and that him committing treason has kept the realms from falling into chaos multiple times (that part is canonically true, technically)

my more serious theory is that, while sif and the w3 didn't have any solid evidence to point at loki being behind All The Things, heimdall actually kinda did– namely, that he couldn't see him during a time when something was clearly happening. and for a guy who can see everybody all the time, that's probably pretty noticable.

also, if the casket was in loki's magic pockets, it wouldn't really matter whether he thought he'd need it or not. it would've been accessible either way– and in his eyes, it's his anyway. i don't fully agree with that, but i can see where he's coming from.

moreover, while loki hasn't explicitly said "yes i'm the bad guy bwahahahaha", he's also not been trying too hard to hide it either. my thought there is that he figured that since heimdall kinda already knew, it was a waste of time trying to convince him otherwise (plus loki was having a massive mental breakdown and was very much not thinking clearly by then).

by the time heimdall actually takes action, though, it's pretty clear that loki is up to no good– and the most logical assumption is a power grab. thor suddenly gets banished after a bunch of frost giants break in with help from a mysterious insider, then odin falls into a coma while loki is yelling at him, then frigga decides to grant loki stewardship despite this clearly coming out of nowhere? the whole thing looks like loki decided "y'know what, i wanna be king. fuck everybody else, my throne now".

we the audience know better bc we're watching him stockpiling his mental health issues, but the other characters don't know that. from heimdall's point of view, he was trying to stop a one-man coup.

i honestly don't think it had anything to do with loki being jotun. heimdall is never shown to have any bias against anyone based on species (my personal hc for this is that each of his moms came from a different realm bc c'mon it's such a cool idea. nine realms, nine moms? it fits!!!), even asgard's enemies.

as for his relationship with loki... frankly, we never see them interact pre-coronation, since it happened so early on, so we have no idea if heimdall was suspicious of loki before that or not. personally, though, i don't think so. actually, i think heimdall is somewhat fond of him, in his own way: he allows loki's group passage to jotunheim rather than going to odin with his suspicions (given that truth serums exist in the marvel universe and in the mcu specifically, this one would've been the obvious solution), his first thought upon thor asking for helping tdw is "hey how about go get your brother", and he doesn't seem remotely annoyed with loki at all in t3 for any of the unpleasantness between them.

(also guys i know we all love loki but he absolutely was committing treason here. he was only temp king, not the real deal, and i think it's pretty clear that odin, regardless of how you see him as a person or a father, wouldn't have been ok with this)

[crusherthedoctor]

Gizoogle is a wonderful creation.

Sonic: What?

Shadow: It all starts wit this... A jewel containin tha illest power...

Sonic: Thatz the... Chaos Emerald hommie! Now I know what tha fuck be happenin! Da military has mistaken me fo' tha likez of you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? So...where do you be thinkin you goin wit dat Emerald!, biatch? Say something! Yo ass fake hedgehog!

Shadow: Chaos Control!

Sonic: Wow... hez fast son! Yo, it aint his speed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude must be rockin tha Chaos Emerald ta warp!

Shadow: Hoes call me Shadow. I be tha ghettoz illest game form! Therez no time fo' games... farewell!

---

Shadow: To reactivate dat shit... big-ass amountz of juice is necessary.

Robotnik: Oh, so thatz why we needed tha Chaos Emerald.

Shadow: Exactly. To reactivate tha machine, we need tha seven Chaos Emeralds. Once you have that, then you have tha illest juice of destruction, ta use as yo thugged-out ass. Biiiatch please. And then... tha ghetto could be yours.

---

Tails: Therez no fuck up bout it, dis must be tha island. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It aint nuthin but a secret military base dat is reinforced n' supa strong! It aint nuthin but called Prison Island. I heard tha shizzle bout it on satellite TV. I still can't believe dat Sonic would fuck wit tha military buildings or rob tha bank! Wait fo' me, OK Sonic! I be on mah way dawwwwg! What, biatch? Yo, look itz Amy dawwwwg! And Eggman too! Whatz Amy bustin here, biatch? Don't matter n' shit. I gotta help Amy cuz she up in danger playa! Tornado... transformation!

---

Sonic: Huh, Amy?

Amy: Shhh! Keep yo' voice down! Have no fear, Amy Rose is here!

Sonic: How tha fuck did you git here?

Amy: Well, if you gotta know... I caught a ride wit Tails muthafucka! Is you shizzle you don't need mah help, biatch? It be lookin like you could use dat shit.

Sonic: Da reason I be up in here is cuz of dat fake hedgehog!

Amy: Yo ass mean dat black hedgehog?

Sonic: Did yo dirty ass peep it, biatch? Where is it now?

Amy: If I rap, will you bone me son?

Sonic: No way!

Amy: I thought I had you dis time biaaatch! That black hedgehog came here wit Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Eggman.

Sonic: So, Eggmanz behind all dis bullshit. huh?

Amy: Whatz all dat freestylin on tha wall anyway, biatch? Did yo dirty ass write that, biatch? Wait fo' me Sonic! Dat punk such a funky-ass brat sometimes!

---

Sonic: Phew... so far so phat hommie! Yo, that's...

Shadow: That blue hedgehog again n' again n' again of all places...

Sonic: I've found you, faker!

Shadow: Faker, biatch? I be thinkin you tha fake hedgehog round here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Yo ass is comparin yo ass ta me son, biatch? Ha! Yo ass aint even phat enough ta be mah fake!

Sonic: I be bout ta make you smoke dem lyrics!

---

Maria: Shadow, what tha fuck do you be thinkin itz like on Earth?

Shadow: Da pimp holla'd his wild lil' freakadelic gamez work was all bout all of dem playas whoz ass live down there. Dude once holla'd at dat tha reason fo' his wild lil' fuckin existence was, makin playas aiiight all up in tha juice of science.

Maria: Shadow...

Shadow: Maria... I just don't give a fuck anythang no mo'... I often wonder why I was pimped; what tha fuck mah purpose if fo' bein here. Maybe if I go down there, I... I'ma find tha lyrics... maybe... Maria...

---

Robotnik: Bwahahahaha!! Citizenz of Earth, lend mah crazy ass yo' ears muthafucka! Listen straight-up closely, yo. Hoes call me Doctor Eggman, tha ghettoz top billin scientist fo' realz. And soon ta be tha ghettoz top billin rula playa! Now, dis is tha beginnin of tha top billin empire of all time biaaatch! Hahaha!

---

President: Spare me tha details. Exactly what tha fuck is it you want, biatch? Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Eggman?

Robotnik: Hahahaha! Well, letz just git down ta bidnizz then, shall we Mista Muthafuckin President, biatch? I won't bore you wit all tha details since I know yo ass be a straight-up busy man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Mista Muthafuckin President, mah demandz is like simple. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Surrender ta tha Eggman Empire n' make no attempts ta resist son! Otherwise...

President: Otherwise?

Robotnik: Otherwise yo' ghetto will cease ta exist son! Yo ass have 24 minutes ta give me yo' answer!

---

Robotnik: Yo ass thought you could trick me wit dat fake Emerald, didn't yo slick ass?

Tails: So... how tha fuck did you know it wasn't tha real one?

Sonic: Tails!

Robotnik: Heh, cuz you just holla'd at me, Fox-boy. Now, fo' a lil space-ride biaaatch! Once tha capsule clears tha colony - BAM!

Sonic: I be countin on ya Tails fo' realz. And Amy... take care of yo ass.

Robotnik: Farewell, Sonic tha Hedgehog!!

Amy: SONIC!!!!

Robotnik: Now our crazy asses have some unfinished bidnizz ta take care of. If you break off tha real Emerald, I'ma release you both; you have mah promise.

Tails: Sonic...

Robotnik: Huh?

Tails: Sonic has axed mah crazy ass - fo' tha last time - ta do suttin' fo' his muthafuckin ass. I won't let his ass down; I won't give up!!

---

Shadow: Yo ass never cease ta ta surprise me blue hedgehog.. n' you KNOWS dat capsule you was up in blew up like a muthafucka up in space.

Sonic: Yo ass know what tha fuck I can say... I take a thugged-out dirtnap hard hommie! Yo ass straight-up saved me, you know.

Shadow: Dat shiznit was a Chaos Emerald, wasn't it, biatch? But, there be a no way you could have activated tha Chaos Control rockin a Emerald thatz fake. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, there be a mo' ta you than just lookin like mah dirty ass. What is you anyway?

Sonic: What you peep is what tha fuck you git son! Just a muthafucka dat loves adventure biaaatch! I be Sonic tha Hedgehog!

Shadow: I see. But you know, I can't let you live biaaatch! Yo crazy-ass adventurin minutes is comin ta a end!

---

Super Shadow: Maria... dis is what tha fuck you wanted, right, biatch? This is mah promise I made ta you, biatch...

[mintyjin]

Jaebum as your boyfriend

@wangworshipper THANK YOU SO MUCH ILY and don’t worry you can never overwhelm me I am impossible to intimidate bwahahahaha jk i don't fuck with centipedes

hopefully you like fried chicken

you gonna be eating a lot of fried chicken

he likes you almost as much as he likes fried chicken 

really chill dates at home binge watching your favorite shows

you start off cuddling like normal people

you lying on his chest, his arms around you

and then life happens and all of a sudden you two have formed a human pretzel

his left leg is over your right shoulder, your right foot is in his face, his hand is on your thigh, your faces are 978391 miles from each other

and eventually one of you points out how weird it is 

and then you both laugh and cuddle normally again

that doesn’t last very long

you go to the cinemas a lot too

and he does that “yawn and put your arm around their shoulder” thing

subtle

you two always plan to go shopping for new plates or something 

and then get distracted 

you don’t remember the plates until you’re at home surrounded by new cat toys and other random things you needed 

and you have nothing to eat dinner on

so Jaebum goes to the store and buys a pack of cheap paper plates

and tbh you never get real ones, you’re too attached to the paper plates now

has this thing where he comes up behind you and kisses your shoulder

and then trails up your neck

to your ear

it’s not always a sexual thing

he just likes kissing you there

his hands will always find themselves up your shirt though

just resting on your skin 

but sometimes he tickles your stomach while he does it

just to hear you shriek 

and then mimics you for hours 

with that stupid

smirk

glued to his face

sigh

would never admit to being big on pda

but he always holds your hand

rubbing circles with his thumb

playfully smacks your butt while waiting for coffee just to see you roll your eyes at him

goes for a kiss and makes at least two soccer moms scoff

because boiiiiiii that lasted a good 2 seconds longer than what is socially acceptable for a sidewalk outside of a frozen yogurt shop

did I mention he’d have his hands on your waist during this kiss?

when he tells you he loves you, your heart will stop

because he wraps his arms around your waist and leans in

and his face is so close to yours

his lips brush your ear

and he says it softly 

in a deep ass voice 

“I love you.” 

and he doesn’t say it very often so you better cherish those moments

because he thinks actions speak much louder than three words ever could 

oh got6 is now a big part of your life

you’re their mother now

so just get ready because that can’t be good

you seen that clip where they’re asked to say hi to Ling and they take it way further than it needed to go

that’s gonna be ur name

every single time they see you

and jaebum would never let the teasing get out of hand but tbh

he kind of loves it

because his best friends like you

which is great because he can’t imagine living without you at this point

in conclusion

im jaebum is a chill af boyfriend 

and you’ll never forget that he loves you even though he may not say it as often

because when you sees you after a long day of practice, his face lights up like a million christmas trees 

he pulls you into a big, sweaty bear hug

and even though you tell him to jump in the shower for god’s sake, you wouldn’t change a thing

well, maybe the paper plates

next up: choi youngjae