#BATFAM

[se-qo]

alfred gave them the sheets

[ciricearts]

i love her…

[abcdfghjklmpqrobin]

Au where Batman doesn't want to tell the Justice League his secret identity but it's because he's really embarrassed about the things he's done as Bruce Wayne.

The thing is; Batman has spent years crafting and perfecting his public persona.

'Brucie Wayne' is supposed to be a dumber than life himbo, with daddy's credit card and the maturity of a seventeen year old. He's supposed to be someone so outlandishly ridiculous no one would ever even dare to mention him in the same sentence as Batman... And Batman has been acting that part perfectly.

It's a genius plan.

But then the league begins talking about maybe all sharing their secret identities, to become closer as a group and work better together. And the only thing in Batman's mind is 'Oh. My. God. Please don't'

Superman is saying something about trust and how he has come to value all of them as friends. Batman is thinking about last year Christmas' Gala, where he took off his clothes in an improvised strip-tease, and started swimming in the fountain.

Wonder woman is talking about how she wishes to strengthen their bonds so they become greater warriors. Bruce just remembered there's videos of him fucking twerking and pole dancing to Ariana Grande all over the internet.

Flash starts smiling and telling them he already trust them with his life– Bruce once said chocolate milk came from brown cows.

'Oh. My. God'.

There's just no way he's telling any of them.

[theaceofarrows]

[star-pocalypse]

[shortbcofkoffee]

Interviewer, catching Damian in costume: Robin! Can you explain the process of picking up Robin or passing on the mantle?

Damian, mildly annoyed at Bruce at the moment: It's quite simple. Batmam steals young children from their bed, usually nine or ten or so. Then he takes you to his lair and give you a deal.

Damian: If you can beat him in a game of your choosing, he will train you to be Robin. If you lose, you are eaten. I beat him in a classic fencing game. He's quite good with swords, but he wasn't very good with the sport itself.

Tim, standing next to him: Yeah, I beat him at a memory card game. I like totally cheated, but I'm too old for him to eat now, so ot doesn't matter.

Damian, nodding: Yes. The worst part of the job is disposing of failed Robins bones. He usually sucks them clean and leaves them all over the floor.

Tim: Yeah, its messy. But after you hit, like 15 he stops trying to eat you, so that's cool.

Damian: I have not yet reached 15. I'm still in danger. If you have more questions, ask Nightwing, as he was the first to avoid being eaten.

-

Same interviewer, at a different date: Mr. Nightwing. Is it true Batman tries to eat potential Robins?

Dick, who has no idea what she's taking about: Yeah, it's really scary. His jaw unhinges like a snake.

[definitelysome1]

Headcanon: Cass likes to just hang on to people like a koala but prefers if that person pretends she’s not there

—

Cass, who is both taller AND broader than Tim, hugging him from behind and basically covering him:

Random socialite at the gala: what is she doing…?

Tim: who?

Socialite: that… girl??? (Because she’s weirdly shadow shaped and they aren’t sure if she’s even human)

Tim: nobody’s there, do you need to sit down?

Cass: pets Tim’s head and makes a purr-like sound

Socialite: you know what? I’m just gonna go and call my doctor

Tim: smiles politely

——

Cass, laying on top of Dick’s legs on the couch with her legs taking up the rest of the space:

Damian, who just entered the room: that can’t be comfortable

Dick: tilts his head

Damian, who knows better than to question Cass: never mind

——

Cass with her head on Jason’s shoulder, reading along with him as he rereads a book for the nth time:

Jason:

Cass:

Jason:

Cass: turn the page

Jason: yes ma’am

Duke who’s been observing: this family is so weird (cut to a week later and Cass is using him as a mattress while he doom scrolls)

[akaanmo]

some more shitposts

[mossing-around]

You know those posts about one of Bruce’s kids getting kidnapped and him having no idea which kid they have based on the vague descriptions he’s given? Well now I can’t only imagine Bruce getting the dreaded call and immediately pulling out a guess who board filled entirely with his kids. Like

kidnapper: we have one of your children

Bruce: I have so many of those you need to be more specific

kidnapper: the loud and annoying one

Bruce, flipping down Cass and Duke: that does not help as much as you think it does

kidnapper: well he has black hair?

Bruce, flips down Steph: keep going

kidnapper: uhhhh? He’s short?

Bruce, flips down Dick and Jason leaving Tim and Damian: more specific

kidnapper: he’s been condescending and judgmental since we got him

Bruce: yeah they both tend to do that

kidnapper: he keeps throwing around words I don’t understand

Bruce, realizing that Damian and Tim are significantly more similar than he thought: uhh more specific?

kidnapper: more?? look just wore us the mon— WHERE’D HE HIDE A KATANA???

Bruce: ah you have Damian

[cerogulia]

Started this one afew months back and decided to come back and finish it quick

[thinkmarkthink]

Clark walks into the cave during a minor argument.

Dick is yelling. Jason’s throwing popcorn. Tim’s half-asleep, and Damian is sharpening a blade pointedly.

Clark coughs. “Hey, um—”

Jason: “Oh look. Mom’s boyfriend is here.”

Clark blinks. “I’m not—”

Dick: “Okay, but if you and Bruce were official, how would you discipline us?”

Steph: “Are you pro or anti curfew?”

Clark: “I—what?”

Tim: “How do you feel about grounding someone from the WiFi?”

Clark looks desperately at Bruce.

Bruce walks past, completely deadpan, and says, “Let me know what you decide, dear.”

Clark cries a little inside.

[ciricearts]

yeah me too

[siracethegreat]

Based on a stupid meme of a pikmin with a hammer 👍👍

[citadelss]

The girlies :)

[galaxymagitech]

This is Jason Todd-coded for sure.