#BAD THINGS HAPPEN WHEN I SLEEP
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If they do the obvious bad thing, is it possible to Pelipper Unmail a whole pokemon...
JESSE WILL STILL FREAK OUT THOUGH
#THIS IS WHY I DONT TAKE NAPS#BAD THINGS HAPPEN WHEN I SLEEP#pokemon irl#pokeblogging#pokemon#irl pkmn#rotomblr#irl pokemon#pkmn rp#rotumblr#pkmn blog#pkmn irl
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Bent moot @butterfilledpockets!
#this is what happens when I get a lot of free time and not a lot of sleep#I make more au competition art of the most randomized things#tmnt spitfire#tmnt au competition#my art#rottmnt#tmnt#tmnt 2003#sainw raph#tmnt sainw#tmnt 2003 raph#the last ronin#tmnt tlr#rottmnt future leo#rottmnt leo#tmnt don bot#don bot#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2012 donnie#art 4 others#bad end ninja turtles#b.e.n.t
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sleepy gill and gill with the bubbled evil cat
#hi remember when i thought i was in for a really bad bout of hsr fixation. lets see how thats going.. lets just check in and#oh . oh no. oh this was. this wasnt the plan. oh no#just roll with it#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#gill in pjs got to me ok. gill fighting in pjs got to me. the thought of gill sleeping in a barrel of water with pjs on got to me.#wheni tell you this fkn podcast is the only thing ive been thinking abt for the past few days dude what thef uck#theyre all so stupid they get up to so much bs its fkn great i lvoe the three of them so mcuh WHEHhghh >:'O#my art#i keep nearly forgetting that tag help???#ive slowly been getting used to drawing them jsut you wait til i feel good abt the designs n shit ok its gonna be epic or smth#oop s its 1am soon whoopsies ehehee but like ..... the dumbasses... theyre in my head..#there are so many stupid scenes i want to draw ššššš#im sorry to. my friends. for jsut . yknow. and everyone really#i wasnt ready for this š idk what happened i just started going through eps so quickly all of a sudden and ive gone through like 12 eps in#2-3 days and i feel absolutely insane and i think abt them so much. theyve taken up all my time help
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Genuinely tweaking tf out because last chapter dropped and I'm so soul-wrenched pulled apart at the seams and unraveling that I don't even have the energy to cry lmaoo. Tbh i never expected to get this attached to a character/s (all of them, really- Shingen, Somi, Shintaro) and it sounds kind of stupid when I write it down here but still.
My heart breaks for all of them; Shingen, who had to live his life burdened by his clan duties. Shintaro, who had to live his life never being the first choice, of always being tethered to the rules. Somi, who, I think (I hope) loved her child, but just a little too late, and for Gun, poor, sweet Gun, who had to see them all die before his eyes.
They weren't good- they were a terrible family by all means (talking about the adults here obv), but somehow I can't bring myself to hate them for it. It's hard to express what I'm really feeling lol but I just hope. I just hope they're all finally at peace, now. Somehow, somewhere.
I hope Shingen and Shintaro get to be the kids that their childhood never allowed them to be, I hope Somi gets to smile more freely, and I hope that Gun can be happy and unburdened by his past. I hope.
#its kinda pathetic abt how im mourning over literal fictional ppl lmaoo#but like.#im so deeply attached??#idk#i started reading lookism when i was in a really bad place#and it took my mind off things for a while#especially my glorious king shintaro yk šš#ig thats why its kind of a hard pill to swallow lol#but still#STILL#i think im losinh my mind lollll#nvm me#im js rambling atp#i need sleep#and possibl therapy lol#but its okayy#(its not IM SCREAMING CRYING THROWIHG UP I NEED A GOOD NICE HAPPY FIC WHERE NOTH9NG BAD HAPPENED AND THEY'RE ALL SAFE AND HAPPY OK)#also this ended up on a much more sadder note than i intended it to be lolll#SHINTARO MY LOVE MY BABY MY POOR SWEET DARLING COME BACK#I NEED YOU#HHHHHHHHHHHUH#lookism#shintaro yamazaki#gun park#shingen yamazaki#somi park#SHINTARO#SHINTAROOOOOOO
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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Guys guys guys guys holy fuck holy shit oh my god holy balls
I saw Newsies at my local theater
OH MY FUCKING GAWWWWDDDDDDDDD
Imma be real with yāall I could be a little delulu but I donāt think I am
So to preface I wore this newsboy hat my dad gave me when I was in like sixth grade because that was when I was introduced to the musical
This bad boy right?
And I was the only one who wore one (to my genuine shock ngl)
Best decision of my life because Iām pretty sure Jackās actor PICKED MY FANBY ASS OUT OF THE CROWD
Eye. Contact. Was. Made.
And w i n k e d
MF W I N K E D AT ME DURING THE FINAL STRETCH OF āONCE AND FOR ALLā
No one talk to me I am SHAKINGGGGGGGGG
I also got an autograph too so that was pretty damn neat
#he wasnāt that bad lookin eitherš#seriously though one of THE BEST productions I have ever seen#also the set was STUNNING my little techie ass was needing out#*nerding pardon my spelling#OMG KATHERINEāS ACTOR STOLE THE WHOLE SHOW DURING WATCH WHAT HAPPENS#itās one thing to see the production on the screen#BUT WHEN BROOKLYN IS DANCING DOWN THE WINGS AND YOU ARE SITTING NEXT TO THE WINGS#THAT IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT BEAST#i am not sleeping tonight#i am drawing#and watching Newsies#newsies#jack kelly#crutchie newsies#david newsies#katherine pulitzer#broadway#dragon speaks
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i think the main difference in personality so far between puppy-stellina and puppy-kepler is that kep has a lot more patience.
that brings a lot of positive qualities: he has better emotional control and is less prone to tantrums and outbursts than stellina was (i.e. if i have to stop for 10 seconds on a walk to pick up poo, stellina would yelp and pull and cry at being asked to stop). it also means he has better focus and is more forgiving of repetition in training - he doesn't give up nearly as easily when frustrated. and things that may startle or scare him he's more willing to try again or overcome (e.g. he slipped on my stairs and hurt his foot and didn't want to go back up the stairs for a few days, but eventually started trying again. and when butters slaps him he yelps and backs off, but still thinks she's Super Fun and tries to make friends). so he's a bit more methodical in his thinking.
but it does also bring some negatives too: because he has patience, he does not give up once he's decided something. if stellina was overtired and i put her in a crate, she'd fuss for a minute then pretty quickly go "hm alright then" and go to sleep. if i do the same to kep, he fights it and fights it because he doesn't want to be asleep and that's that. he's much more difficult to redirect or distract, and i have to be a lot more mindful of managing him because once he's decided something is fun or tasty or whatever it takes a lot to dissuade him, and he'll go back to it at the first chance. he's very slow to learn boundaries as a result - i have to do a lot more convincing than i'm used to.
they are still overall very similar personalities, especially as they're the same breed and from very similar lines, but i think so far this has been the biggest quality that i've needed to adjust to. puppy-stellina i had to do a lot of mental adjustments learning how to manage her short emotional threshold and sensitivity, so it's interesting to see what does and doesn't translate over to kep.
#i hesitate to use the word 'stubborn' for kep bc i truly dont think its willful 'oh youve told me no but i will do it anyway'#he just genuinely doesnt get the concept of 'please dont do that'#'dont do thing? but thing is fun. thing is for kep. kep will do. fun!'#the concept of 'i am not allowed to do this' or 'i should not do this' has never occured to him#like with house training: he knows that he gets praise and treats for going outside. he knows that this doesnt happen if he goes inside.#but the concept of 'i have to poop and am inside therefore i should instead go outside' hasnt clicked yet bc he will just always take-#-the first option (poop now)#same thing with sleeping (i do not want to sleep therefore i will Not) and biting stellina etc#its not bad! as mentioned theres a lot of positives it brings too. i just need to learn how to speak his specific language#and when youre bad at dog training it just takes a while lol
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since more of like the class swap etc started going up every once in a while there will be a question in my inbox that would take me literally multiple comics' worth of art to answer adequately lol. and I don't wanna do that under an ask I want that to have its own space! so if I don't answer ur question know that it's probably that^ above there and not that I think ur question sucks
#not art#I know I got a weird way of going about this stuff but that's me babeyy and it's my house <3#example of this that already happened on the blog is when someone asked abt pretty much just All of class swap baron#and I was like. well I'm gonna like draw that and make comics and stuff lol#I don't think I can draw like a hard line around what I'll reserve for writing about and what I'll answer in an ask etc#bc like I'm cool with talking abt the general concept and arcs I have in mind for the bad kids/player characters#and abt like the process of figuring it out and bouncing ideas off of folks#but there's a point above that where if u get to it's just. I might as well send u a lore bible or recreate the whole show for u ykwim#so yeah this is just to let u know that Im not like spiting u personally if ur question doesnt get answered#(would be a weird thing for me to do regardless tbh!)#honestly pat urself on the back lol u've hit a jackpot on subjects I Want to get to in the form of art and/or writing#I'm not an idea guy! I'm a guy who makes comics and stuff. that's how I'm approaching this (and everything else really) u get me#cool! cool. I sleep now hopefully. have a good night lads
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progressing through the myth of sisyphus again
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#netzach#netzach lobcorp#obligatory drawings. ive had the book since my freshman year in highschool but never ended up finishing it due to how its worded and the#structure of it.. i need to be in a very specific state to be able to focus. mostly for reading in general but even more so for this#i have done parts though. never in its entirety which is a shame its a very intriguing read. hopefully i can finish it and then reread to#fully process. it is just 138 pages after all. its just so Dense... enough of book shit though. LOBCORP!!!#living hurts but the body yearns for preservation and people want to Live. to live is such a crucial want even if the self doesn't recognize#it on its own. everything in the flesh is designed to try and keep you alive. pains to eat the signals to drink the fear of hurt and pain#the automatic jerk when pain is experinced. the signals to show pain. yet living hurts. to survive hurts. so to sleep#to numb the pain to go through escapism to shut your eyes. general ideas. to see such a thing addressed and spoken about and acknowledgement#of pain and how it gets to that point was very stunning to me. it felt so real. seriously its hard to Not consider such a thing and its#rather scary? moreso when one doesnt have the words to explain or able to see such a thing experinced. it felt amazing? to see such a thing#Wanting to Die yet not to Die and to live but living hurt so much and so to get by and for the pain to Stop one does anything to soothe it#suffering is tiring. suffering hurts. its empty yet its excruciating. the want for it to stop and to not be there and experince it anymore#be it through various means or to the extreme to force it so that Nothing Else could ever happen to you. even pain. ahh nuts not quite just#lobcorp its just ramblings in general somewhat related since i didnt reread the exact dialog lately.#anyway skethcy drawings yay... i am fine currently its not super bad as it was earlier just a fatal flaw of thinking a lot (rip)
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I have to go to sleep. I'm spiraling in a way that is becoming actually dangerous.
Pray for a miracle.
Prepare for disaster.
#election 2024#how did we let this happen?#of you didn't vote when you could have#i wish you only bad things#time to sob myself to sleep
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Before otasune week ends I just want to take a moment to plug my playlist
#I just remembered it exists#otasune#snotacon#snake x otacon#mgs#metal gear solid#metal gear#solid snake#David#hal emmerich#theyāre married but also have never confessed their feelings to each other#people who think that snake would be the one rejecting Otacon is obviously basing it off of their appearances only#like sorry to say but snake has definitely slept with and accepted his feelings for men#and Hal has not#Hal sleeps with women to try and keep his mind off the fact he has a full family with a man who he loves and is going to watch die#I personally hc his dads abuse had a lot of affect on his feeling of inferiority so being gay would be too weak for him#heās like a ally who is totally cool with other gay people but freaks out when the label is pointed at him#despite literally having a husband#but I think snake knows and accepts it in his own way#never forgiving Hal for the Naomi thing though#snake looked absolutely devestated the entire time but when he rolls over to sleep on the couch when Hal leaves with her and the soft sad#romance music in the back??? crazy#and yāall donāt even want to hear about the depressing queer repression cycle parallel between him and his mom (Strangelove)#Iām so insane about them I need them to just be in their happy family and nothing bad ever happens#Spotify
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s4 episode 7 thoughts
my very first thoughts: a CANCER MAN episode??? are we gonna get some backstory?? some CSM lore?!?!?Ā
part of me is deeply curious, but part of me also wants agent time, soā¦ hmm! iām intrigued. my curiosity? itās been piqued.
and the lone gunmen have been mentioned!!
author's note: woah... i was expecting a lot of things, but cancer man being a flop author was not one of them. it's kinda sad, but mostly just pathetic.
judgement aside, i actually really liked this episode. there are things i would change, but i thought it was super intriguing to see certain parts of what is hidden beyond the curtain, but never enough to fully satisfy you, which i do love about this show (even if it is occasionally infuriating). the multi-part structure was also an interesting and unique choice that worked well, but i do have some... questions on writing/character motives and if they were well-received. but you'll see what i mean in a bit.
a lot happened in this episode, which i shall begin to recount below!
OH! we open with a shakespeare quote!!! āfor nothing can seem foul to those that winā oooookay i suppose that is relevant to our ciggy man. damn. couldnāt be me. a lot of things are foul to me. such as killing melissa.Ā
we see a rat! a rat! cute little critter. oh. cancer man arrives, and is less cute. he's looking at some broken windowsā¦ damn, why is s4 so dark? i keep having to turn my brightness up. it's annoying!!
his lighter says ātrust no oneā omgā¦ heās so weird. just an overall strange fellow. seriously, who gets a custom lighter that says that? way to draw attention to yourself while trying to Not Do That.
so heās opening a suitcaseā¦. WHAT!! he is somehow listening to a bunch of conversations, including the ānot everything is a dark labyrinth of conspiracyā one, which means he must have had bugs in all of the rooms where mulder and scully chat!!! who has time to sort through all of that audio content to find the juicy stuff?? probably his freak interns thatĀ i KNOW he keeps scattering about
okay, so heās listening to a conversation now between the lone gunmen and mulder. frohike is freaked tf out, but mulder says no one would kill him because āyouāre just a little puppy dogā. aww. that's a cute thing to say.
GAG!! the lone gunmen put on a special audio filter to hide their conversation, and CSM just pressed a button to totally ignore it, and turns to the camera with a smirk. EW! EW! creepy man. ugh, i canāt believe i paused and had to look at that awful creepy smirk for more than a few milliseconds.
oh my goodness, scully is also here during this conversation between the lone gunmen and mulder that we are listening to via CSM's technologically aided eavesdropping. frohike is saying he found stuff about cancer man, while cancer man loads what looks like a SNIPER RIFLE, and aims it out the window??? āwhat did you find?ā āpossibly everythingā
GASP! iām hooked. i DO want to know possibly everything.Ā
(watching the intro and that scene where they burst in with the gun always gets me, but today itās making me ache in my chest because of how beautiful they are. so feel free to psychoanalyze that)
frohike is describing trotskyās assassination. this is an area of history i am weak in, so i am seated for my lesson. it is actually entirely unrelated to the plot at hand, and is just some frohike nerd lore, but that's cool, i like a dude who knows these things.
frohike says āheā (presumably CSM) appears on august 20th, 1940, in louisiana. and his father was a communist activist, executed for espionage before his son would walk!!! and his mother died of lung cancer before he could talk!
damn. tragic backstory for this fellow.Ā he pretty much said "i know cigarettes killed my mom but i'm different"
he was sent to various orphanages where he spent his time reading and not making friends. then he went off the grid until a year and a half after the Bay Of Pigs. weird way of measuring time- before and after the Bay of Pigs
OH! we get more textā¦ āpart 1: things really did go well in Dealey Plazaā hmmm....
some army men are jogging, while another dude reads the manchurian candidate, saying he would rather read the worst novel ever written than the best movie ever made. he must not know about the novels that are out thereā¦ i assume this is cig man?
OH MY GOD! heās talking to MR. MULDER! wait, wait that meansā¦.
! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! his first word was JFK
that is... actually really adorable. and will make his toddler stage difficult as he has to break certain news to baby mulder.
why do i get the feeling, from the shaky way CSM just set the photo of mr. mulderās wife and child down, that he is fighting suppressed romantic feelings for his buddy like the cold war depends on it? hmm....
these fancy looking men want to talk to the guy i assume is cancer man. they ask if he was involved in any of the big events from the early 1960ās, which he denies. you know, assassinations and whatnot.
oh! when they ask if his father was executed as a spy, he says his only regret is that āi was too young to throw the switch myselfā which is kind of a crazy thing to say. "yes i never knew my dad but i wish it was me that killed him" is a wild hill to die on. but i guess this is what the 60's did to people.
OH! he also denies a cigarette when offered, saying he never touches them. well. some things went down between then and now, i assume. and hopefully, we shall gain a glimpse into what changed.
this general dude is yapping about extraordinary men and i assume he is referring to himself. and his father. and young CSM, too, can be an extraordinary man!Ā
ācommunism is without a doubt the most heinous personification of evil mankind has ever confrontedā <- said by a guy who likely fought the nazis, this is an absolutely crazy line... but again, i guess that shows how deep everyone was into the propaganda
they are offering baby CSM a very important jobā¦ so important, his army service will be erasedā¦ he needs to assassinate an american civilian, former naval pt-boat commanderā¦
OH MY GOD, DID HE KILL JFK???
this is wild. how many different characters across various medias have been responsible for killing JFK? does anyone have a spreadsheet? if not, DM me and letās make oneĀ
so what is the reason in universe for why JFK had to kick the bucketā¦.
because of the bay of pigs failure??
i get it was bad, but i didnāt think it was THAT bad. that makes no sense though timeline wiseā¦ they said bay of pigs was ālast weekā, but that was 1961, and obviously he didnāt get shot until 1963. so are we expected to believe that they waited 2 years to kill him? 2 years in which a lot of stuff happened? or is this some sort of factual oversight iām supposed to ignore. or am i misunderstanding the episode structure. did i mishear/read a line?
(digs my claws in) you guys i cannot ignore a JFK anachronism iām sorry
and now we're off to texas to witness the inevitable. this dude playing lee harvey oswald is lowkey cute, a thing i never thought i would have typed more than a few minutes ago.Ā CSM yells at him about how smoking is BAD!
baby cancer man is talking to lee harvey oswald (another wild sentence), telling him heāll see the president today. he calls baby cig man āmr. huntā which i assume is a fake nameā¦ and he lies and says he loves the movies!! how simply do the falsehoods slip from his tongue!
ooooookay i see what is going on here. āmr. huntā is a member of a cuban loyalty group telling lee harvey oswald to hide some weapons. a fall guy is being carefully crafted.
and lee gives him his cigarettesā¦ the same cigarettes baby cig man scolded him for smokingā¦. omgā¦. foreshadowing
you know, in all my years studying history, i have never imagined what the inside of the book depository building looked like. and OMG! in googling to try and see if this was an accurate representation, i learned that dealey plaza is where he was shot! so i guess iām good with JFK lore, but bad at geography.Ā but that answers what the whole opening quote was about.
baby cig man is getting in a sewer to do some crimeā¦ very eugene tooms of him. he's getting his gun out in the sewer for a sneak attackā¦. while lee gets a root beerā¦ and it seems umbrella man was giving a signal on when to shoot! fascinating.
(jackieās outfit that day looked less fuzzy irl than it appears in this episode, so please take note of that wardrobe people)
nah, this is gonna make me feel bad for a FAKE lee harvey oswaldā¦
and while JFK was dying, baby cig man stayed in that sewer the whole timeā¦ wow. i feel like someone should have taken a peek.
soooo realizing he is a patsy, lee shoots a cop. which is actually just far more incriminating than had he done anything else. then he goes to the movies. where the cops find him. and baby cig man was watching all of thisā¦. he pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking. OMG was that his first?? to cope with the Guilt?? damn.
itās a bit of a ludicrous story that makes me giggle when i consider the real-world implications, but i will take it for what it is.
but back to modern cig man, listening to all of this being explained. he says nothing, seeming to confirm the accuracy of what is being said.
āpart 2: just down the road from gracelandā
no, donāt tell me he killed ELVIS, too?!?!?
wait, i read that wrong. ājust down the road aways from gracelandā okay, not sure if that clears anything up. but we hear the voice of martin luther king jr.
noā¦ donāt tell me he killed HIM, tooā¦..
notably, this whole part is in black and white. cigarette man is tap tapping on his typewriter. heās writing a book! ātake a chance: a jack colquitt adventureā <- sounds boringĀ
heās listening to MLK talk about Marxist revolutionsā¦ is baby cig man a closet commie? no, for it appears he is deeply upset by these words!
heās still in black and white, at a meeting about MLK, talking about how some claim he wishes to wage war against white america. baby cig man says āwouldnāt you?ā, and i begin to wonder if he is based, but these hopes are quickly dampened as he explains that MLK's existence and activism are no longer civil rights issuesā¦ because he said something about communism. bro. what. is this how people actually feltā¦?
(you read about the paranoia and the terror of the red scare, but seeing an attempt at putting it in context still makes you think damn, times were weird)
this council is now talking about how they can best discredit MLK, and we see a guy who is blamed for the āthere is but one way out for youā letter, which baby cig man says is stupid. oh, he blamed the director of the FBI for that.Ā damn!
cigarette man says we need another patsy, and to make it a white man, so āitā (referring to kingās assassination) looks racially motivated. and oh! he says heāll do it himself.
āi have too much respect for the manā <- so youāre gonna be the one that kills him? broā¦ what. we don't usually kill the people we look up to where i come from.
so. cig man lights up as he stands outside a building where MLK speaks.Ā
AND HE PULLS OUT THE PHOTO OF BABY MULDER AND HIS MOM???? WHAT THE FUCK
(is this like a āheās grieving because his work demands that he never has a familyā kind of thing or a āheās longing for the embrace of mr. mulderā kinda thingā¦.? does he love mrs. mulderā¦.? what is thisā¦.)
cancer man gives the dude heās framing a couple hundred dollars. and then gets in the bushes behind where dr. king is staying. i'm still processing the photo reveal.
and bam.
wow, i feel that this isā¦ weird. idk, the whole āthis character killed JFKā thing has been going on for so long that it doesnāt really feel that shocking, but dr. kingās death is a tragedy in a different way, and iām not sure that using it in fiction is like, super appropriate? um.
while i am unsure if i feel that using a civil rights leader's assassination in your alien story is something we should brush past, i do understand what the writers are attempting to do here, which is show how dedicated to the anti-communist cause cig man is, and how he'll stop at nothing to do what he deems needed, no matter how ugly or horrific. i recognize what they are trying to tell me.
LMAOOOO WAIT. place my moral pondering aside for a brief second. if you pause, you can read the rejection letter baby cig man gets for his book. āmy advice? burn it!ā <- DAMN that book must have been god awful š
oh god. now the TV is mentioning RFKā¦ donāt tell me cig man did that, tooā¦
(author's note: thankfully, he was not involved with the killing of this kennedy brother; no clear statement on whether or not he was responsible for ted's whole thing)
AND WHY was cig man putting that photo of mrs. and baby mulder in his drawerā¦?!?!
cig man seems to be almost crying while quoting aeschylus along with RFK on the tv, as he speaks about the grief of losing both his brother and MLKā¦. damn. am i supposed to feel bad for CSM? because i donāt.Ā
back to modern cancer man. we now enter āpart 3, the most wonderful time of the yearā.
jump to 1991. he has saddam hussein on the phone?? and tells him to call back. and some other dude is working on the oscar noms LMAO wait... i lowkey love the idea that the government controls those... need to think what that would imply for every single winner ever
AND he rigs the superbowl so the bills donāt win LMAO what is his beef with buffalo?! AND he rigged the olympic hockey game in ā80?
weāre getting the impression he kinda controls everything. message received loud and clear.
OH! now theyāre talking about mulderā¦ āthat āspookyā kidā, is how they refer to him. and CSM says that mulder is his to keep an eye on. i'm sure that's part of his decades long plot, to keep mulder under his watchful eye and use him as a pawn in his schemes. also, gorbachev has just resigned. no more enemies to fight.
and CSM gives his men some presents for christmas. how thoughtfulā¦..?Ā
his men invite him to come with them to virginia for a family get together. damn, they like this guy? it seems they honestly do!
he got them all tiesā¦. very strange fellow he is.
okay, so he lied and said he had to go see family to escape the gathering. and then ominously walks outside mulderās office door. dun dun DUN!
he has some mailā¦ and opens it to see something that displeases him. THEN HE STARTS WRITING AGAIN!! it seems like auto fiction, when you write about yourself but pretend itās happening to a character. damn. crazy coping mechanism. good to know that he is kinda a loser all around.Ā
so, some days he longs for a second chance. okay, yeah, we all do cancer man, and most of us didnāt kill JFK.
the phone rings. itās DEEP THROAT! my old friend!! were they tight?!
it seems that on christmas eve of 1991 was when a weird alien spaceship arrived to earth. and the occupant is in ācritical conditionā. also, deep throat mentions the UFO he had claimed to see before in vietnam, so we know he wasnāt lying entirely about that.
they have this fleshy pink alien hooked up to life support, which has me wondering how alien life support works, and also how many types of aliens we are dealing with in this universe. but iāve mentioned that before. still! worth mentioning again!
lore reveal that is unsettling... DEEP THROATāS NAME IS RONALD????Ā
idk, i was expecting something like abernathy or shackleton or cromswell!
deep throat gives cigarette man the gun to handle the alien situation- but CSM protests, saying that a āliving EBEā could advance bill mulderās project by decades!!! MR. MULDER MENTIONED?!? he'd be willing to break protocol to help his buddy out?!?
but no, deep throat recites the rules from the security council resolution, which makes him remember what they came here to do.
can you justā¦ shoot an alien??? to kill it? well. you can shoot some of them to kill them, but not the kind that need the special neck stabbing device. okay, keeping track of all this, just seems like maybe all aliens would need something a bit cooler to vanquish them.
theyāre fighting over killing an alienā¦. cig man doesnāt want to do it, so he tosses a coin. so he makes deep throat do it?!?! deep throat says that this is their new enemy. honestly, the sad little alien does not look like he can hurt you, but okay.
(i mean, do they really need the gun? heās an alien on life support, just pull the plug)
ohā¦. cig man rips the bandage off his neck as deep throat climbs into some gear toā¦ gas the alien? now what is the significance of this bandage that has been on his neck but ONLY for part three of the story?
that alien is creepy. deep throat really does shoot the damn thing. and cig man lights up while this goes down. is every cigarette one dude he killedā¦.? damn. thatās like 5 packs a dayā¦.
āpart 4: the x-filesā
OOOO, info on scully being brought in!!!
OMG!!! we see parts of her thesis.
did we know she went to the university of maryland? well, i didnt, so that counts as aā¦
! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she graduated from the university of maryland in 1986!
(looking back, i realize this was all flashback stuff from the pilot. but i didn't KNOW at the time that this show would do such things to me, so i wasn't taking detailed notes! wow! how much has changed)
but itās cancer man reading her thesis.Ā stay away from her!
okay, now weāre back to one of the earliest times we ever saw scully, in her pilot episode fit. and was cig man actually there in the pilot? i think he was, right?
aww, we get to relive the āFBIās most unwantedā moment through cancer manās listening. itās creepy, but still a heartwarming time.
back to the modern day- frohike is talking about how cancer man is āthe most dangerous man aliveā, because he believes these actions are all that life allows him, and he can never escape himself. damn. thatās deep.
and then back to the 1991 christmas eve sceneā¦ an editor loved CSM's book! he used the pen name āraul bloodworthāā¦ have we heard that before? well, iāll keep an eye out on various shelves. so he calls the number they gave himā¦ he is desperate for validationā¦ and heās going on about how he wants the cover to look. thereās a cutting comment about āworking with young authorsā, and the publisher says heāll have to ārelinquish some controlā. and cancer man is SO excited.
oh my goshā¦ wait, why am i lowkey emotional now? but that emotion is very specifically second hand embarrassment.
so heās typing his RESIGNATION LETTER?? for the day the story gets published. for some reason he thinks that getting one story published = a life of steady income. HAH! if only.
he even takes a wistful look at his cigarettes and crushes them in his hand!!! wow, a time to begin again.
lmao i see a reference to darin morgan in the background magazinesā¦ do not think you are slick, props team!
CSMās going to go pick up his story from a newspaperā¦ and his story was published in a pornoā¦ and they changed his endingā¦Ā
this is NOT a good thing omg
and the newspaper salesman says that the magazine is garbageā¦
we just watched his dreams die in real time. and with the magazine, he buys another pack of cigarettes. damn. no chance for a new life, i guess.Ā
CSMās now monologing about how life is like a box of chocolates (disappointing), and this is an interesting juxtaposition, because he is next to a man who is digging through garbage while he says all this, so clearly his material status could be a lot worse but itās probably a mental prison, being rich and important and also sad.
Frohike clarifies that this CSM theory is based on a story he read, but heās going to check with some hackers. as frohike walks out the door, cancer man mumbles that he can kill him whenever he pleases, but chooses not to do so today.Ā
woahā¦ very different, but i actually really liked this episode!
i liked getting a peek into the mystical lore surrounding CSM, but also it wasnāt THAT much of a peek, you know? we know a few of the things he did, and that he did them in the name of fighting communism. i guess when he thought that communism was ādefeatedā they switched to aliens, but also aliens had to be there the whole time, because they did make the agreement about it after ww2. so heās been up to a lot of stuff.
do i feel a little bad that he canāt get his writing published? yeah, but like i said in a āitās cringeyā kinda way, which i think was the intention. itās funny that he has amassed all this power but is still a flop.Ā
like i said, i feel weird about the whole MLK thing. i think the coloring going black and white was to illustrate CSM's black and white thinking, about how you are either right or wrong, and to be wrong requires punishment, no matter what anyone else says on the matter. that was interesting.
hmm, i'm pondering. what will happen next to our smoky- well, i was going to say "our smoky friend", but we are not friends at all, are we? where will our tobacco-filled creep lead us?
i liked this one! it was really different from the traditional episode structure, so it felt special and nice. i liked getting an idea of his line of work and how he got involved with it and why, even if the killing post-Bay of Pigs thing was weird, but i GUESS it did bring the soviets and cuba closer together, so i GUESS if you thought anything that advanced communism had to be avenged, you would think that is a logical conclusion.
hmm, i can't afford to try and figure out who actually did it IRL! too much on my plate. it's an interesting theory... i shall have to give it a long contemplation.
#not a bad episode at all! in fact i think it was a GOOD episode!#a bit unexpected but not a bad thing at all!#tomorrow... the agents reunite with rat bastard. i'm sure hijinks WILL ensure.#but for now i am deeply tired and must give this one more proof read before i head to bed and plan on sleeping for like 800 years#wake me up when something big happens like we figure out who actually killed JFK!#i'm so tired i just caught myself thinking āyou can't mention deep throat in this post... he's literally classified?ā#for a brief moment there i lived in the x files universe#it was powerful#juni's x files liveblog#the x files#txf
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literally having the worst day ever and i cant ever be happy (has only experienced minor inconveniences today but they keep adding up)
#first of all i didnt get a lot of sleep so im mad tired#second of all the place i usually get lunch on campus said they werent doing bagels at the moment and it ruined me#cuz i was soooo excited to get bagels#third of all i was already cranky so i got all in my feels last night#so i had a dream where my gf who isnt my gf and saw each other on one fo the campuses and she was w her friends#at one point we were both leaving and iw as watcing her and her and her friend knew i was there#so then her friend comes over and shes like '[gf name] loves you so much'#and i was about to cry tears of joy i was like REALLY???#and then her friend started laughing and gestured to my gf who isn't my gf's OTHER friend behind me and she was like 'jk lol she meant#this friend not you el oh el'#and then my gf and her friends were all laughing at me and i burst into tears#and then in full on sobs i was like 'i loved you so much how could you leave me'#and then my gf was just like 'well youre a bad person and you think youre sooooo myseterious and youre a terrible person and i never loved#you' and oh my god it ruined my morning#i know a lot of it was just psychological cuz i was already moody when i went to bed#and i have this werid paranoia where i think her and her friends talk shit about me#which i doubt they do but it still stresses me out#so thats probably why that hapepned#and then on top of all that. fourth of all im getting lunch and i literally see her outside. like i dont see her for days and of course#the day i least want to see her shes right there#i mean im generally doing better than september and i didnt feel the same sinking feeling#i used to in like sept but still like brooooo bro this day could not be worseee#the only good thing that happened was that i passed my physics exam <3#also yeah again i said these are minor inconveniences im just frustrated lol#sunny rambles
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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
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some bobbles (+ two unfinished things)
#bonk.png#undescribed#exocolonist#i was a teenage exocolonist#iwatec#iwatex#anyway first thing bc its the shortest i dont think sol would actually id as anything n prefer to be unlabeled#bc of like. the timeloop stuff n every life kind of blending together BUT i think it'd be funny as hell if they were aro#n just never became aware of this bc their self reflection skills in regards to shit unrelated to the loop are That Bad#also im aro n like when characters are aro + love it when characters are kind of deranged about their friends#speaking of which madoka au! forever ago i drew the š¤ meme with sol n homura n now im coming back to that#its not a 1 to 1 au straight up the commonalities begin n end at ''tammy & sol are kind of like madoka/homura''#stuff i got down for it in a sleep deprived haze were that sol nemmie n tangent were the only magical girls#n tammy hasnt been offered to become one nemmie n tangent arent aware that sol is a magical girl for a while#friendgroup at school is nemmie cal tammy n sol (tangent goes to a different school n is separate until she teams up with nemmie)#nemmie n tang team up bc somehow witch attacks keep being diverted from certain locations n grief seeds are disappearing#which is actually sol's doing theyre moving witches away from areas tammy will be n the grief seeds are to 1. discourage nem n tang from#fighting witches n 2. so sol can stockpile them basically bc they use timetravel a lot n need to keep their gem clean#the timeloop has progress (to an extent) its not a singular month looping its kind of like. video game save mechanics#like reloading the save u have before a bossfight n then if ur not adequately prepared reloading a save u have farther back#n then continuing on until u get stuck on a specific fight again yknow#theres more but moving on to the two unfinished things those are meant to be like a utdr au (specifically dr)#in a similar manner to the previous au of same premise n setting but different story bc theyre different characters#there's a lot less set for this au its entirely just playing in the sand n has nothing beyond vague role assignments#the first one that's like lineart in different colors is entirely scrapped bc i didnt like how it was turning out (meant to be darkworld fit#second one i struggled BADLY with marz oh my god this au is literally primarily for having fun with character designs but oh my god.#as it says there shes meant to be a modern art styled metal monster (got the metal idea from her dads' names n the modern art bc shesrefined#n sleek) but i had no actual idea how to convey that n i was trying to tackle it from a pixel art angle this time n i could notfigure it out#n then nomi nomi was super easy literally didnt even sketch them theyre a tiny pixie im sorry marz T-T#probably not gonna touch on this stuff again cause i was fixing on exo to avoid thinking about my bday but its happened so im fine now š
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Lowkey interested in seeing more Vanic. He my Vanic Githyanki Dream Boi. Does he have any favorites among the bg3 origins yet?
Ahh!! He's great, isn't he?? I love him so much <3
Currently, he's trapped indecisively between Gale and Astarion, who both seem quite taken with him (because who wouldn't be?). Things have progressed further with Astarion than Gale for the time being, but we'll see where things go in future. Maybe he'll manage to woo Lae'zel someday, maybe not. She doesn't seem to like him very much at the moment :(
More Vanic pics under here coz I'm love him <3 <3
Vanic was NOT impressed with Raphael and ignored him in favour of stealing food.
He's cute when he's nervous.
Album cover lookin' ass
Pouty face puppydog eyes. I'd never be able to say no to that face!! Just look at him!!!
*squints suspiciously at the goblin making fun of his nose*
#asks#gracie plays#baldur's gate 3#bg3#bg3 tav#githyanki#art#my art#traditional art#I have this weird thing where I struggle to make my own characters in games#like I feel bad that I'm āruiningā the hard work the developers put in by shoving my dumb oc into their story lmao#but I don't feel that way with Vanic#I just have this warm fondness for him#stupid lil' scrawny barbarian#My favourite thing is his fucking outfit choices right#because when he's out adventuring he just looks like caveman nobility with the scrappy outfit he's got on (which I love btw)#but when he's in camp sleeping he has like...#a proper collared shirt?? with neat pants and cuffs and stuff???#he's silly and I love him#thanks for the ask!!#hope your day is fantastic and good things happen to you!! <3
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