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autisticrosewilson · 8 months ago

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Todd Family Tree pt. 1

I know you guys have been waiting with baited breath for this (Read: no one but me and a handful of select mutuals care), but fret not because it's finally here.

Let's start with the side of Jason's family we know the most about, Willis's. A lot of things I'll have to say about Willis himself will be things I've said before with maybe some new additions, but a lot of the focus will be on his relationships with his family anyway so hopefully it won't get too repetitive.

Someone on my last Todd Family post commented that the Ma Gunn aspect may have been retconned, however I already integrated it into my personal canon so let's just keep going shall we?

Also shout-out to @perseus-jackass who let me ramble to them about all of this and helped me iron out some of the finer details!

The Todd/Gunn Family; Canon:

- Willis reportedly named Jason after his father, Jason Todd Sr.

- Faye Gunn II is the niece of Willis which implies Willis has at least one sibling that is never mentioned, although Faye was either raised by or very close to Ma

- Faye was named after Ma implying that whichever sibling she was raised by was close to Ma

- Assuming Gunn is her maiden name, or perhaps an alias, she didn't keep her husband's last name and Jason Sr. Is never mentioned, which could mean that they split or that he's dead

- Obviously from a meta textual stand point the reason Ma Gunn was never mentioned as Jason's grandmother is because it was a later retcon, but in universe this and Willis's choice to keep his father's last name implies he wasn't fond of his mother/was closer to his father

Sub note: The candidates for Jason's mother included Lady Shiva (I'll get into my thoughts on her in Part 3) and an Israeli woman. Edit: @ammomancer informed me that Jason was Spanish (Basque specifically) in the Bombshells continuity as well!

- Ma was implied to be from Australia, and likely taught there for a time.

- Ma implied that she had sons, and possibly that they're dead. (I have obviously disregarded this, but I'm not against the interpretation that one or both of the girls are trans.)

So my version of Jason is black/Asian/Latino! I think he's Japanese/Indian from his mom and black/Latino from Willis so keep that in mind.

Fleshing Them Out; My Expansion:

I'll start with Ma Gunn, since we see the most of her in the comics and she has the most groundwork laid for her already. Mostly I'd like to make her a little more complex.

She's proven to be a ruthlessly pragmatic character, but I don't see her being someone who does what she does for fun. She's someone who values control, someone who doesn't take perceived slights lightly. I imagine growing up a woman on Gotham's streets with so many relations to organized crime builds grit, spawns bitterness and hate. She seems like the type to value tradition - in the Gotham crime family way- this is how she was raised and the way she raised her own children. There is no changing the world they live in, only surviving it. I think she really wanted to teach her kids, both the ones she birthed and the ones she fosters, how to survive.

That's not to say she really cares though, I don't think she's close enough to anyone to really care, even if maybe in the early days of motherhood she wanted to be. She's a stone cold bitch and she's proud of it, she made her kids strong and look at the reputation it's given her. Ma Gunn's school for wayward boys isn't just for strays anymore, there are some big names dropping their brats off for training these days. Crime lord daycare. Truly, only in Gotham.

Jason Todd Sr. Is a non-character. We know basically nothing but his name and that his marriage failed, and he's probably very dead. Which may or may not be related to said failed marriage.

Do I think Ma hired a hit on her husband? I wouldn't put it past her. I think she'd get rid of anyone if they were dragging her or the family down.

We can assume he was close to Willis, and I like to think that Mr. Todd was the homemaker because I can't really imagine Ma staying home to tend the kids. It's more likely her version of family bonding was a bank heist. Willis may have very well learned to drive from high speed car chases.

I think it would be very funny if Mr. Todd is from some third or fourth rate crime family that's using a mechanic shop as a front but Mr. Todd was actually really interested in it so he got an engineering degree and had little to nothing to do with the actual crime side of things. Maybe his family married him off to make him someone else's problem and while the Gunn's aren't a notable crime family they have a lot of resources and a lot of contacts, not to mention the small army of feral children.

Ma thought she was getting a seasoned criminal to help fund her illicit activities but instead he's a stay at home dad who has turned their home into a board game because he insists on fixing it all himself (if you use the microwave the doorbell might ring and you need a screw driver to use the shower ect.)

A lot of the experiences I associate Jason having with Willis I imagine Willis had with Mr. Todd, doing homework together, working on cars in the garage, Willis definitely learned how to cook from Mr. Todd because I just don't think Ma can do better than hamburger helper and public school lunch.

For the sibling situation, and I have no real evidence canon has completely left the building with this one, but I think he has sisters. Middle child Willis and also boy who grew up with all sisters Willis is real to me for reasons I couldn't say.

Completely made both of them up, but this is my house I can do what I want.

I'll start with the oldest sister, who I've decided to call Celia. I think she's the closest to her mother, the one who took over after her. Probably a serious, studious kind of person, she grew up with more opportunities than Ma did so she probably had more schooling. I can definitely see Celia as someone who worked her ass off to bring home good grades to make her mom proud and always falling short because Ma didn't really value traditional education.

Her and Willis definitely clashed growing up, Willis never liked Ma but Celia idolized her. Where Ma's crude demeanor and distance drove Willis to acts of rebellion it made Celia even more desperate to please.

Although I'm sure Willis would deny it, I think it's still a sore spot to him that Celia's way kind of worked. Once she got old enough to really learn about the business Celia was great at it, Ma started coming around to the benefits of having someone better with the numbers and paperwork.

I think that even after Willis leaves he genuinely tries to keep in touch with everyone, I don't think he ever stops trying to reach out to Celia. I don't think he agrees with who she became even if he saw it coming, regardless of how much he doesn't like their mother (he'd never say he hates her) Celia is still the girl who put bandaids on his scraped knees and let him crawl into her bed when he had nightmares and he can't bring himself to cut contact with her.

Celia is nicer than Ma, more adept at caring for the kids and because of this she earns their trust more which ultimately makes them more loyal to the Gunn's. This is a purposeful tactic because although she does see the kids as her own she doesn't see anything wrong with manipulating them for her gain. They're family, and family always want to help each other.

Jason was not allowed to visit his auntie, and didn't even know his grandmother was still alive.

I don't think she'd have a husband or boyfriend, a romantic relationship would take too much attention away from her business and if there's one thing she learned from her mother it's that a man would only drag her down or try to control her.

Willis is, to the surprise of no one, is who I have the most to say about but I'll try to keep it brief. For all he gets a bad rep I think he's a family man at heart, I'm positive he always planned on kids even if he wasn't sure about settling down with anyone at first.

Mostly because his mom kept trying to arrange marriages which is how he ended up dating Sheila for a time...which obviously didn't work out. One could say he wasn't keen on a repeat performance after that fell apart.

Man whore I fear, Gotham's fourth most bisexual man. Where's that one post about the goon who causes a distraction for his boss by making out with the bank teller and his wife. That's literally him Willis Todd ghost wrote that post. I'll get more into his various relationships in Part 3.

This man was born to tell dad jokes and wear funky ties but he's forced to live a life of violence and crime. Because of poverty and generational trauma.

I think the most tragic part of Willis Todd is that he tried. He loved his wife and he loved Jason and he gave everything he had to providing for them so Jason wouldn't have to grow up like he did but it ended the same anyway. And he'd never be disappointed in Jason, although Jason thinks he would, because home knows his son and he knows Jason wouldn't do it unless he really thought he was helping people.

I know everyone holds the opinion that Catherine was the most serious about Jason's school but I argue it's Willis, Cathy taught Jason to love learning but Willis taught him the importance of it. I think Willis always got good grades but he never went to college because part of ditching his family was ditching their money and most of what he made went towards supporting himself.

I've named the youngest sister Joan, and I think it's important to define her relationships more than her personality for reasons I'll get into in a bit.

For continuity's and sake I'll say she was a pre-teen when Willis moved out at 18-19, which would give her a large gap between both Willis and Celia - who I imagine are maybe two or three years apart - age wise. So while Willis likely tried to take care of her, to influence her away from their mom and sister, I don't think he was super fond of being at home to begin with so I don't think he was around much and I think Mr. Todd died not long after she was born so she didn't really have the gentle hand that Wills did growing up.

This left her with little to rely on but Ma and Celia, it was a real rock and hard place. Ma is honest in her ruthlessness at least, but Celia uses her love as a tool for manipulation. I'm sure she grew up right beside the other kids at Ma's school.

So I think it's no wonder that when she found herself with a baby she had no clue how to take care of, it was very easy for her mom and sister to convince her to give the baby over. Easy for Joan to decide that her daughter was in better hands with Celia as her mother.

And then Joan...vanished. No note, no phone call, no body. Most suspect it was Ma who did it, even though the woman had her kids - former and present - rip the city apart looking for her. No one knows the full story, and no one knows Joan Gunn's whereabouts.

Well, no one except Willis Todd, not that anyone else knows that.

Faye Gunn II has a lot of potential. I think there's a chance for her to parallel Jason. They both grew up on the streets and both have affiliations with organized crime, but where Faye is comfortable perpetuating the cycle of violence expected of the Gunn women Jason spends every night busting his ass to make sure another kid never has to go through what he did.

I also think it would be fun if maybe Faye wasn't entirely human, y'know give her a little bit of meta gene as a treat. Beast Boy isn't using the name Changeling anymore and I've long subscribed to Gotham operating by faerie rules so maybe she can borrow it for a few issues.

I don't have many thoughts on her as is but I'd like to do more with her in the future!

This got really long and I'm certain it will only get longer with the next additions. The next part will focus on the Clemens/Johnson family! Catherine Todd lovers stay tuned for part 2. Remember that all of this is just how I view them based on the cookie crumbs we get about them in canon.

#dc #ma gunn #Jason Todd Sr.#Celia Gunn #Willis Todd #Joan Gunn #Faye Gunn II #Jason Todd #Todd Family Lore #oc posting #be warned because we know basically nothing about Cathy's family her part is going to be. mostly OC's

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reccyls · 1 year ago

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Sengoku Cat Cafe (3rd party characters edition)

This is a translation of the bonus cat POV (!!!) stories that are from the castle gacha I got the above image from. There are 3 stories:

3rd party (starring Funiko ≽^•⩊•^≼, a cute little black kitten)

Kasugayama (starring Joururi /ᐠﹷ ‸ ﹷ ᐟ\ﾉ, a classy calico lady)

Azuchi (starring Kabutomaru /ᐠ ˃ ⤙ ˂ マ Ⳋ, a tough and proud tuxedo boy)

3rd party faction story

(This is a tea shop near Sakai port. Funiko's new home.) (The grandpa who owns this shop just adopted me.) (I'm this shop's maneki-neko, I guess? Anyway, it's time to work today!)

Kicho: I knew it. So this was the store Mai was talking about.

(Ah, it's Mr. Merchant!) (Funiko remembers him from last time, when he came with one of his subordinates.)

Funiko: Meow.

Kicho: ...You look like you're doing well.

(Now that I look closer, he looks like a kind person...)

Motonari: ! What are you doing here... Don't tell me you were taking her seriously...

Kicho: ...Isn't that what you're doing here yourself?

(Hmmm? 'Her'? Who do they mean? What are they talking about?)

Kennyo: This is the place she was talking about... Ah.

Motonari: You too, huh.

Kicho: We're bothering the other guests. Let's head inside first.

Kennyo: It does seem quite crowded, true.

Motonari: There's only one empty table back there.

Kicho: We've got no choice, then. We'll sit together.

Motonari: A "cat cafe", huh. The hell's so good about a place like this anyway...

(Eep, this person is a little scary, maybe...)

Kicho: Motonari, you're scaring the kitten. Don't be too forceful. You have to pet her gently.

Motonari: Hah? Don't tell me what to do.

Kennyo: Come here... There, there, that's a good girl.

Funiko: Mew...

(Ah, there, that spot on my neck, ahhh... He knows all of the best scratching spots...)

Owner: It's just about time for her to eat, so would you like to try feeding her?

(Yay, it's fish time! Funiko loves fish time!)

Motonari: She sure got a dopey look on her face all of a sudden. Reminds me of a certain someone...

(Ahh... He can smile like that too, huh. I wonder who he's talking about?)

Kicho: Pay no mind to Motonari. Come, eat.

Motonari: Heh, smart kid. 'Course she's running to the person holding the spoon.

Funiko: Mya, myaaa!

Kicho: Take it easy. If you eat that fast, you're going to choke.

(Fiiiine...)

Kicho: Good girl.

(Phew... now that I'm full, I'm getting sleepy...) (...That looks soft...)

Funiko: Meow, meow...

Motonari: What's she doing, stepping all over my cape?

Kicho: It's called kneading. I've heard that cats engage in such behavior when they feel at ease.

Motonari: ...Wasn't she scared of me a minute ago?

(Ahh, this kimono feels really nice.)

Kennyo: Cats are cautious creatures by nature... but this little one is still a baby. Kennyo: Perhaps she has perceived your true nature, and feels that she can trust you?

Motonari: ...The hell are you implying?

Kennyo: You like small animals, don't you?

Motonari: ...Who knows. Not like I love them.

(Small animals? So, like cats?) (Hmmmm.... sleepy........)

Kicho: ...She's asleep.

Motonari: Oi, don't sleep on that.

Kennyo: Motonari, leave her be.

Kicho: She'll wake up on her own eventually.

(I'm not scared anymore, good night...)

And so, curled up in a soft cape, Funiko had a very good nap.

#ikemen sengoku #kicho (ikesen)#kennyo (ikesen)#motonari (ikesen)#my translation

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alatismeni-theitsa · 1 year ago

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Coming out story time, Γρεεκ edition. With a plot twist. Sorry for the long ass rant I just didn't know who else to tell my story who would get both the Greek Thinking TM and also be accepting of queer ppl.

Apologies for crude language (i think)?? I cannot describe it in a way that's as eloquent and beautiful as I want.

A. Μαμά.

I came out to my mother descriptively, because I knew if I said a Big Gay Word she'd instantly connect it to what she associates with Gay stuff, and I wanted to get her honest reaction, not what she thinks her reaction should be. And also because I Do Not Know what exactly I am (out of the whole LGBT alphabet, I could be Gay/Les, I could be Bi, I could maybe sort of kinda be trans but I do identify with womanhood in the Greek TM way so I don't think I can call myself NB? Anyway whatever, labels don't matter to me and only make me feel weird when applied to me), so there's that.

Specifically I said "Ma, I'm not only attracted to boys." Because that's the best I can describe my hauntingly persistent bisexuality as haha.

After the initial confusion, the first question she asked was "so you'd want to have sex with a woman?" A question I chose not to answer, one because Μαμά τι στο καλό θες να σου πω τώρα :/ and also because the answer is neither no or yes. It goes beyond just Mm Yes Pussy Nice for me. Reducing it to just that is making my skin crawl just as much as Mm Yes Dick Nice. That's dehumanising for me, I'm sorry. :/ My answer was literally "δεν ξέρω/δεν απαντώ" lmao.

And?? She may have accidentally come out to me too??? Without realising it?????

Because she said three things:

1. "Oh, when I was at your age I went through this phase as well." Which??????????? What does it mean if not the think I'm thinking of??? Ma have you really been in denial/the closet for 50 years?

2. "I was fiercely defensive of gay people when I was younger." Which, YES. As you should μαμά. Only it has created this haunting fear in me that in 30 years time, with "experience", I'll change too and I'll go against my gay brothers and sisters as Ορθοδοξία seems to want. Which I won't. I hope. I can only hope my heart won't change, even if I marry a guy and go ahead and have children of my own. Like... it doesn't make sense, HOW did she change her mind in the first place??? How does that happen to someone? Will it happen to me too?

3. "It's okay, I love you for who you are." In the end, all is good. Even if she thinks she's a phase that I'll grow out of, and probably would not allow me to think about dating/settling with another woman, she's not cutting me out of the will! She still loves me!! It's a win for me. :D

Also she approves of cute gender neutral nicknames because she's always called me that. Like: το ζουζουνάκι, το μαρουδάκι (εννοώντας πασχαλίτσα🐞), το κουφετάκι, κτλ.

I really love her little habits I'm sorry. :')

B. Αδερφούλα

I'll keep it brief because there's not as much to say. She's younger than me so she used to have a very much "oh ew wtf" reaction.

But recently?? She's been treating it like an inside joke??? Like, refering to me as "το τέρας" ή "το αρνί" because she knows I love being affectionately/jokingly called an "it". Also making gay jokes in rare occasions, which I love.

She's a little insecure about being perceived as Λεσβία for her fashion sense, and I regularly assure her that she can wear whatever makes her feel good and not worry about how others see her. Can she rock a γυναικείο κουστούμι like a boss? Fuck yea. Does that mean she's a lesbian just because she looks masculine and pretty at the same time? Fuck no, you do you boo. I know how much you like dressing like this. Nobody's opinion can take it away. And lesbians are not Bad either, so she has a lot to unpack in the future. But I'm still very proud of her and how far she's come since I first told her (long before mom actually) and I absolutely love her to death.

Also she called me a bottom. Shame on her. Gah, siblings.

Honorary entries:

C. Dad

I have yet to come out to him because he often ridicules openly queer people on TV. Like, οικογενειακά watching Eurovision the Maneskin year (every year really) was both hilarious and terrifying.

But, like?? He's also lowkey kinda Bi too in a repressed way? In the way that he's loyal to the woman he married but also making strong bromances when given the chance? It's so funny to me, because he has such a soft and fond expression when talking about friends he has sort of trauma-bonded with (term used loosely, but you know how Dads are).

I could also be just tripping and trying to seek comradeship where there's none because Parents are the ones a child seeks to relate to, but I'd rather not psychoanalyse me rn.

D. Granny

Also can I just talk about Passive Acceptance. Because granny (without knowing about my identity) sometimes refers to me and my sister as παλικάρι in a Gender Neutral sense ("δεν είναι μόνο τα αγόρια παλικάρια" she says. granny is a feminist icon without even trying to be. slay.) and it makes my woman-in-a-vague-sense-i-guess(?) heart do the little proud flutter thing.

Also does it make sense to be a non-binary when it comes to speaking English but sort of a woman (actually yes a woman but also yes and no at the same time because I look and act really soft cheery and feminine but I'm mentally also a τέρας από την άβυσσο και τα τάρταρα :D) when speaking Greek??? It's so confusing, how can I perceive gender in two entirely different ways at the same time what the everloving fuck. What AM I...??

Again, sorry for the jumbled thoughts, my last three braincells are busy rn χορεύing Καλαματιανό.

Γειαα! Παιδια με σκλαβωνετε με τα μηνυματα σας τελευταια 💗 Ειλικρινα χαιρομαι παρα πολυ που εχω εστω και λιγο την εμπιστοσυνη σας - εγω μια ξενη στο ιντερνετ - και μου λετε τις σκεψεις και τις ιστοριες σας! Το εκτιμω παρα πολυ!

Να ξερετε οτι ακομα και αν τυχον διαφωνουμε σε καποια πραγματα, μπορειτε να μου στελνετε μηνυματα. Γιατι ποτε δε θα διαφωνησω με το δικαιωμα καποιου να ζει με ασφαλεια και να ειναι ο εαυτος του (το οποιο ειναι ανθρωπινο δικαιωμα ουτως ή αλλως)

Επισης: Δημοσιευω το μηνυμα επειδη δεν υπηρχε καποια δηλωση που ελεγε να μην το κανω. Αν καποιος ομως θελει να μη δημοσιευσω καποιο μηνυμα ή να διαγραψω καποιο μηνυμα, ας μου το πει, δεν υπαρχει θεμα!

Οκ switching off to English!

The whole experience is So Greek, damn! Starting with Mother, telling her Descriptively, her saying that she also liked women "one time", then considering that something is off with Dad as well, then mentioning the accidentally supportive Grandma who gives no shits... Πρεπει να εχουμε ενα σχετικο επεισοδιο στις Οικογενειακές Ιστορίες ετσι για την ταυτιση των τηλεθεατων.

Also, just because I am a nosy dramatic bitch, I would DEFINITELY bring back this conversation if this was my mum, and I would tell her "You know that you like women too, right? You can't just... lose attraction for a whole gender overnight. And they also say that sexual orientation is genetic......" Just to see her reaction and try to convince her 😂 (Don't attempt if you think it won't go well for you! 😅)

I'm really happy about how you handled things with your sis! Being perceived as a lesbian is nothing bad because lesbians are nothing bad! She can rock whatever she wants, like you said! There are lesbians out there who dress like "everyone else", meaning that clothes can potentially be a hint but you can never tell just by the clothes. She has a lot to unpack indeed but with more teaching moments by you, I'm sure she's in good hands.

Oooooh that Dad case! I have a theory here, knowing Greek dads. Perhaps he will be more supportive than you think. Not just because of the things you mentioned, but because he loves you and supports you as his child (from what I read). Greek dads can be ride or die, especially with their daughters. So, if you are confident enough when you tell him, if you look logical and self-aware, he actually might back you up and he might be the most supportive! Parents often dismiss their children because they believe that children are doing it for attention, or because of a whim. Greek dads, I've noticed, want things to be told to them with huuuge neon letters, otherwise they don't act on the situation.

For example, you can be like "Dad, I want to tell you something. (diretor hint: play it sad and worried here, he might feel the need to be protective instead of defensive) I like women too, and I have been feeling it for a long time. I didn't feel it because someone else "indoctrinated" me to it. It's a natural feeling to me. It is not a phase. I cannot switch it on and off like it's a hall light. Most importantly, this is not dangerous for me. I know that you might be concerned and we can talk about it. I just want you to know because this is an important part of who I am."

-- Again, assess the situation accordingly. You definitely don't have to do anything I suggest. And you can make the dialogue more or less cheesy :P In any case, when you talk to him keep in mind that he's an older man who grew up in specific decades and you have to make an effort to set things his way otherwise things will be lost in translation and neither of you will notice.

That's how I got an old aunt to support me. 😂This aunt was the type that says "A woman liking another woman?? Ιησούς Χριστός!!" I noticed what things she valued most (being your own person, having fun in life, not allowing anyone to step on you) and I built my case by telling her that the way I live at the moment gives me all these advantages. I also matched her tone, and I tried to see things from her side, which eventually helped guide her to the mindset I wanted to introduce her to. Sometimes many conversations and subtle hints are needed for this guidance. And they also need to like you because the Greek statement "το δικο μας το παιδι ποτε δεν κανει κατι κακο! το δικο μας το παιδι ειναι χρυσο!" will usually prevail over "A woman liking another woman?? Ιησούς Χριστός!!" 😂

What's more, some parents of queer kids already know what their kids are. They just don't say anything out of fear they will encourage this behaviour. Meanwhile the kids get stressed for decades about how the parents will react, and when they finally come out the parents, the parents are like "eh... we already knew, to be honest. We've been watching you hug and kiss girls since you were like... six. We just hoped that you'd grow out of it, that's why we didn't bring it up. We didn't want you to grow up into a behaviour that would separate you from other kids cause they would bully you and harm you."

The grandma is TOP, by the way! I feel like many older people really know what's important in life. The thought of two women getting married might never be palatable to her but she knows that alienating family members for harmless shit is not where it's at. I love her already!

On the "It's so confusing, how can I perceive gender in two entirely different ways at the same time what the everloving fuck. What AM I…??"

It is a fact that people slightly switch personalities when switching languages. English is a more polite, careful, and tip-toeing language, while in Greece malakas is a word of love if said to your friend 😂 And it's true that cultures perceive gender in different ways. So if you switch to US English and get into their mindset, they have another version of femininity. (Well, the whole country is diverse but I'm talking about the generic, permeating WASP stereotype of the preferred femininity in the US media)

I switch behavior in English too and sometimes I find that I'm more polite and "more feminine" there, which for me... eeeh not my style so much. (English makes us dysphoric, pass it down 😂😂😂😂)

Which brings me to another discussion. I am not nonbinary so I won't want to speculate on what nonbinary is and how it feels. Instead I will speak about a phenomenon sometimes seen in women, who, (sometimes!) need to be seen as a person (who deserves full respect) and not "just a woman" they take up the nonbinary label. Being a woman (or a man) comes with certain expectations and baggage and sometimes as a woman (or as a man) you can totally feel like "fuck it, I want to opt out" or "I already don't do these things and I don't want to ever do them or feel them, so I guess am actually not a woman/man".

I want to stress again that I don't imply non-binary people are this. And I'm not saying that's you. I'm just leaving this out there because it's very harmful when society makes you feel like "failing" at your gender and telling you "you are not a real man/woman because you don't do the X stereotypes", and some people fall for it want to "opt out" of their gender without realizing that in the process they're following the logic of... binaries.

Whatever you identify as should come from the inside, not from what society tells you a woman should be. Because, as you noticed, the Greek and the US society have different notions of what a woman "should be". Heck, you might move to Sweden and find out that out there you feel like Barbie while in Greece you may feel like Babis doing the exact same things😂 Don't rely on society and stereotypes, my humble opinion is. Rely on yourself. And it's okay if you don't have a definitive answer to "what you are". Just live and present as you are most comfortable.

One more thought that I have, which you can also take or leave, is about the sexuality part. I'm not family or a friend, and I don't know you well. I'm not an authority and I don't think my words are scripture. My speculation could perhaps help your brain cells stop χορεύειν τσάμικον γύρω απ τη φωτιά στο δάσος 😂

Sooo... have you considered asexuality?

Heeeaaar me out. Your confusion seems a bit similar to that of people who are asexual but don't know it yet. First of all, there's a difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction. Asexuals usually start thinking they are gay or bi because their sexual attraction to men and women is the same. Zero. 0 = 0 after all 😂

At the same time, asexuals can often feel "off" in their gender and gender expression because automatically they don't subscribe to amatonormative rules and hence, they don't subscribe to gender rules.

An asexual can still have aesthetic attraction to people (just not sexual) and want a romantic relationship. An asexual can have aesthetic attraction to only one gender or many. There's a whole spectrum in asexuality, and there are ace identities like the aegosexuals who are actually not sex repulsed. They are interested in sex as an idea, but they just don't experience sexual attraction for people in real life. (Imagine it like, you like watching football for the rush and the technique, but there's nooo way you want to go down on the field and start kicking a ball.)

Their relationships with their significant others are often "queerplatonic" because the way they perceive gender and companionship (that is not friendship) is queer compared to the rest of society.

I thought about this cause you mentioned the "hauntingly persistent bisexuality", and also because usually the answer to "so you wanna fuck women?" is "eh…yes??" if you are attracted to women in the usual way xD But of course, it might be just your character, that you don't want to focus on sex despite having sexual attraction, and, as you said avoid "dehumanizing" the other. So again, my speculation might be wrong. If you know you are sexually attracted to people, and if you don't have to ask "what is sexual attraction tho?" then that's probably not it😄

Okay, I rambled for too long again but I hope this message has helped you at least in one way. Know that you are already slaying out there and you WILL CONTINUE to slay because you're a cool and kind person with great self-reflection skills.

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Generic message: If my posts have helped you in any way consider buying me a ko-fi 💖

#answered #greek speaks #lgbt+ in greece #queer

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lastoneout · 5 months ago

Text

OKAY sorry for completely forgetting about this for several days, I had surgery the day the poll was set to end and then I had complications from said surgery and I'm only just now finally starting to feel normal again SO let's get to the reveal :D

DISCLAIMER: 1) here's the Spotify playlist for you animals who don't want to read my extensive thoughts <3 You respect your time and I respect that!

and 2) I know the italics are kinda fucked in some places I'm trying to fix it. Edit: They're fixed now.

ANYWAY the songs(not in order of popularity just in order I am far too dumb for that) along with a little reason I picked the "bad description" for each of them!

If you relate to this you probably have OCD: Caleb Trask by The Crane Wives (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Now not to get too trauma-dump-y right at the start(and PLEASE feel free to skip to the next one if this is too heavy for you) but the first time I listened to this song I hadn't been diagnosed with OCD, yet I still related to it in a way I couldn't quite express, but looking back now...YEAAAAH I related to it for a Reason. The song is "speaking" to Caleb Trask, one of the characters in the book of East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I can't speak to the parallels to the narrative itself because I haven't read it, but to me it weaves a comforting message, one of not letting your past sins or the past sins of the people who came before you in your family stop you from moving forward and living a better life. The lyrics

So you got bad in your blood

Brother, you're one of us

and

If you might then you may

There's no reason to live out in chains

Cause you're not alone

We're the daughters of sinners, we're the sons of saints

just hit different. One of the hallmark symptoms of OCD is intrusive thoughts, your anxiety attacks what you value most, and most of us want to be good people, so it gives us image after image of the most horrific violence and convinces us we must live in constant vigilance to stop ourselves from giving in to our perceived "true" nature. And if we have harmed someone in the past, even in the smallest of ways or ways that were clearly not our fault in the end, we see it as validation that we are bad people and must suffer endlessly to make up for it. There's no forgiveness, only living in chains, afraid that we might. The song counters this by saying almost exactly what my therapist does, paraphrased here as "You might do bad things. Something might go wrong and it might be your fault. The worst of your fears could absolutely come true. That is the nature of being alive. No one can get through life without causing pain, just like we can't get through life without bringing joy to ourselves and others as well. Be open to the possibility that things might be bad, but they might be good too, you cannot let your anxiety force you to crawl through the desert repenting, this isn't how you become a better person." Maybe you have bad in your blood, or blood on your hands. You're not alone, we're all the daughters of sinners and the sons of saints. Don't let that stop you from loving. Stop punishing yourself. Stop waiting for the flowers to bloom, for some nebulous forgiveness that will never really come. Find joy now, live freely now while you still can. You're not alone. You're not alone.

Introvert Party Anthem: Night In by Brittney Spencer (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Okay time for a HARD tone shift! This one is legit just what it says on the tin, and that's fantastic. As a certified disabled introvert I genuinely consider hanging out at home peak, and the chorus really says it all

I just want a night in, getting high with friends

Not a night on the town killing time again

No high heel stumbling down the city streets

No drunk boys mumbling, "Can I buy you a drink?"

Turn my phone off, get a little gone

All this turning it up ain't really turning me on

I need sweatpants, vibing to an old CD

And my day ones next to me

I just want a night in

Like come on, that's it. That's literally it. Bars are fun I guess but I can wear my pj pants at home. I can get drunk or high at home. I can throw up in my own toilet. I have the aux cord and I'm making you all suffer <3 (Also listen to more black country artists or I will start biting people I mean what-)

I FUCKING LOVE STRING INSTRUMENTS: Fiddlin' Around by Dierks Bentley (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Our winner!! Kay so I feel kinda bad about this one 'cuz I don't think it's what people expected and I maybe should have gone with my alternate joke title of "string instruments as a metaphor for fucking" but oops, oh well! Anyway I also don't have a whole lot to say about this one aside from the fact that it's fun and low-stakes and I just really do love fiddles and banjos and other string instruments and they do in fact go hard in this song. It's also catchy as fuck and gets stuck in my head for hours every time I listen to it, and does bring to mind hanging out in an old truck bed after dark which is fun no matter what you're doing in there, be it stargazing or making s'mores over a camp stove or fuckin'. I'ma throw in a couple of other really good string instrument songs tho just for good measure; Sweet Nell/Bajho Khetma by Himalayan Highway, a fusion of Bluegrass and traditional Himalayan folk music that's better than anxiety medicine, and Banjo Bloodbath by Appalachian Anarchy a Bluegrass Power Metal band bcs like COME on. COME ON. If you don't think that's the coolest shit in the entire world idk how to even talk to you.

My childhood best friend died and I'm not over it: El Dorado by Zach Bryan (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

This song destroyed me the first time I listened to it because bro that fucking string section at the start I am SO into string sections, they just make my heart shatter when done well. It is kinda obvious it's a mourning song, but I did find out he wrote it about a friend of his who took his own life, and as someone who did lose a dear childhood friend to cancer a few years back, who was also one of my ONLY friends who actually LIKED country music, this song just. It just.

In El Dorado, hell if I know if you're still alive

There's a note in the glove box of your drive

El Dorado, hell if they know the difference in a hero

And a man I wish was still by my side

You're in every last memory alive

That's all I got.

Everything sucks so much, but at least we have each other: Garden by Noah Gundersen (spoitfy - youtube - lyrics)

We are continuing Certified SadBoy Hours™ with a song by one of my favorite artists of all time, Noah Gundersen. I saw him live last November in Tucson and god it was fucking EVERYTHING. He played like three of my favorite songs of his, I cried so much, there's a deep ache inside me that guy can yank out so fast it's not even funny. I was torn between this one and Honest Songs because they both have the same vibe but I like that this one feels very...rural, and old-fashioned but in an anti-capitalist way, I guess? Something about that gets to me. I'm starting to suspect there's a very old coal miner from Appalachia living inside me that I need to get in touch with. Anyway yeah this?

But wait, oh wait

See how the morning breaks

It's the simplest of love songs, but it's all our hearts can take

And though we lose our stake

Heaven is where we make it

Even in the smallest places, can a garden grow

I can't be normal about this, hope that helps <3

Bisexual! at the Grocery Store: Strawberry Crush by Tanner Adell (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Okay if you aren't listening to Tanner Adell shut the fuck up and go listen to her right now oh my GOD I cannot get enough of this woman!!! Anyway this song is literally just "I was at the store with my boyfriend and then saw the most beautiful woman ever I can't tell if I want to be her and/or fuck her help me" with some truly insane banjo under it and if that doesn't sell ya on it this should:

Strawberry wonder, strawberry lover

Bet she tastes like strawberries under the covers

Strawberry lush, strawberry touch

Strawberry never enough

Stay my strawberry, strawberry crush

Like goddamn. Hell fucking yeah. Let's fucking go. 10/10 absolutely NO notes <3 More queer country in general but especially from artists of color. Thank you so fucking much Ms. Adell you own my life.

Yeah being famous is pretty nice but I kinda just wanna go home: Sparrow by Ashley McBryde (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I was originally gonna pick Baby Girl by Sugarland for this slot(but obviously with a slightly different description) but idk I recently started listening to Ashley McBryde and I love her voice and this song really hit me different than the Sugarland song. Baby Girl is more about the allure of fame and the struggle to get it and then use that fame to care for your folks, which used to speak to me as like...a teenager with wild dreams, but Sparrow feels more from the perspective of "fame is nice it sure is but god I miss home so fucking bad" and that hits different as a 30 y/o who just wants to live a decent life with the people I love. It's simple and sweet and really gets into that homesick longing that country music is SO fucking good at. Honestly call me a loser for it but I agree with Branch in Trolls 2, country music is quite often really fucking sad and that's what I like about it. Sometimes you're sad and that guitar just gives you the catharsis you need.

For a sparrow

Who wouldn't trade nothing for the way it feels to fly

It ain't fair though

How you miss the ground when you're out here in the sky

You're higher than you've ever been

Lonely like you never been

Waiting on the wind to take you home

Anyway brb gonna go fucking cry my eyes out.

Messy Bitch Party Anthem: Drunk(And I Don't Wanna Go Home) by Elle King and Miranda Lambert (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

This song is legit just fun and also the polar opposite of Night In. This is for the messy ass bitches who just want to get fucked up and make it everyone else's problem and I love that for them <3 Plus both Elle King and Miranda Lambert have very like...specific voices that I feel like I don't hear a whole lot in music but go together spectacularly. Like if I ever do another country/folk themed one of these I am including a Miranda Lambert song I promise you. (Also whoever let Exes and Oh's get popular without the accompanying knowledge that Elle King is a country artist owes me five billion dollars you were fucking holding out on me you sick bastards you all claim to hate country and YET- *I am dragged off the stage kicking and screaming*) I love the 80's wedding vibe of the fashion in the music video, the irreverence, the beat, this song is legit just fun and it was immediately added to my "get pumped up" playlist. Sometimes it doesn't have to be complicated, it just has to be fun. She's drunk and she doesn't want to go home!!

SHE HAS THE RANGE!!!: Yoü and I by Lady Gaga (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I have nothing to say. If this isn't a country song idk what the fuck is. She's in a corn field. She's in a barn. He's her cool Nebraska guy. Lady Gaga does, in fact, have the fucking range. Die mad about it. Also her masc alter ego is in the music video and I am devastatingly bisexual about it.

Of course you're in pain, it came free with your being alive and in love, idiot: The Loneliness Waltz by The Ballroom Thieves (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I was actually torn between this song and Firewood by Regina Spektor but I don't think Regina Spektor really makes anything adjacent to what you'd call folk or country music so I went with one that is that I love just as much. Don't really have a whole lot to say about this one either, it's just vibes and strings and lovely lyrics sung beautifully and I think more people should listen to it.

We are frivolous with our hearts

Watch them bend till they break

Then we pick up the parts

Yeah, we give, we take

We save and condemn

And we live just to love again

Screaming crying shaking throwing up ect. ect.

Give a classic girl's country song transmasc vibes with this one easy trick!: Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter as covered by Breland (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I have ADORED this song since I was like 13 idk it's just really really fucking good imo, and I've heard a lot of good covers but man....this cover? THIS COVER? It's everything to me. Breland is truly unmatched as a country singer I have yet to hear a song of his that didn't blow me away. I saw tumblr user vaspider(not tagging him because this post is ridiculously long I just wanna be sure he is credited for his words) once say that Luke Combs' cover of Tracy Chapman's Fast Car(another phenomenal cover that proves to me country has a lot of potential as a genre that gets sadly ignored) had transmasc vibes because he chose not to change the line about being a "checkout girl" and not only do I agree but this song is that dialed up to 900. If you haven't heard this song here's the original as well as Deana Carter's 2021 version featuring several female country artists I love including Ashley McBryde that's also worth checking out. It's a retrospective song where the singer talks about her first experience with love and heartbreak at seventeen over the course of a relationship with a college student who was working on her grandfather's farm over the summer. Breland does not change the pronouns or the words used to refer to the singer. The line "I was caught somewhere between a woman and a child" is not changed and the singer's boyfriend stays a boyfriend. This could and probably is just a creative choice, but I've seen less changed more drastically in other covers, so having Breland just embrace the identity of this girl, former or not, and her boyfriend without feeling the need to defend his own sexual identity or masculinity is SO refreshing. And it makes a transmasculine reading on the song entirely valid. Not all trans people see themselves as always being their current gender/apply it retroactively, some of us do see ourselves as being this gender now and another when we were younger. Breland's cover, to me at least, sounds like a trans man singing about a very important milestone in his life that he experienced through a gendered perspective and yet keeps coming back to even if he isn't really that person anymore, and that's just. Idk it's beautiful. And I mean, Deanna Carter's version does describe being a woman and a lovestruck teenager and a child as different, which just adds to the concept of gender and identity fluctuating based on where you are in your life even for cis people. I found this cover around when I was accepting that I was butch and bigender and the first time I listened to it I cried and cried. It's breathtaking and I really REALLY would love to see more country artists follow in Breland and Luke Combs' footsteps and embrace the songs as the stories they are, rather than being an indicator of who they are as a person and thus something that must be changed to dodge any "queer" allegations. And I gotta add an obligatory plug of Breland's cover of Shania Twain's Man, I Feel Like A Woman which is just *chef's kiss*(they also teamed up on a song for Twisters(2024) which fucks like what can't he fucking do!!!) and Alana Springsteen's cover of Sand In My Boots which turns into a ballad about a lesbian fumbling a bad bitch. More artists do this right now. ALSO LISTEN TO MORE BLACK COUNTRY ARTISTS I AM NOT ASKING. Y'ALL ARE FUCKING MISSING OUT.

Show me a permanent state of the self, bitch <3: Theseus by The Oh Hellos (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Did you really think I was gonna get through this without an Oh Hellos song? Oh you sweet summer child. I will never shut up about them. My wrist is starting to hurt so I will try not to essay as hard this time but I FAILED, FUCKING SEVERAL THOUSAND WORD ESSAY UNDER THE CUT TL;DR THIS SONG USES THE THOUGHT EXPERIMENT OF THESEUS'S SHIP TO EXPAND ON THEMES OF HEALING AND CHANGING BOTH AS INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE AND AS A SOCIETY AND HOW WE ARE ALWAYS THE SAME YET ALWAYS DIFFERENT THERE'S NO PERMANENT STATE OF THE SELF IT'S REALLY GOOD GO LISTEN TO IT!!!! Uh also like TW for discussions of racism and death and Evangelical Christianity and mental health struggles and just so many things what the hell this got so long. The Oh Hellos do not fuck around, but I can't talk about their music without talking about all of that too.

ESSAY INCOMING YOU WERE FUCKING WARNED!!! The Oh Hellos are a modern folk band that pulls a lot from Ancient Greek and Roman mythology, folklore, literature, and Christianity. And I don't mean they make christian worship songs, this isn't Amazing Grace type stuff, they use their experience being raised Christian and the stories/iconography/beliefs to inspire them. If you've had someone annoyingly point out that Solider, Poet, King is about Jesus instead of your blorbos, they're right. And wrong. It's about a lot of things, all of their songs are about like three different things, why do you think this part of the post got so long? I mean Dear Wormwood is using the writings of C.S. Lewis to tell the story of leaving an abusive relationship, there are layers. Things can be about god and also about regular people, that's how art works. And their songs also do also provide some fucking scathing critiques of Christianity, lemme tell ya. The kind of scary accurate shit you only get from people who were raised in it. (I would also be remiss to not point out that of course many of these themes and stories were taken from Judaism because, you know, that's what Christianity did and still does, so a lot of these references are about things shared between the two religions, but they are very much coming from being raised in Christian communities and I think that distinction is just as important as pointing out that these figures and events are not Christian in origin, because while we know where these stories came from Christians interpret and utilize them VERY differently from Jewish people so like, they aren't critiquing Judaism, they're critiquing the Christian interpretation and use of these events, especially by Evangelical Christians, from a Christian perspective. Anyway, that's all I feel comfortable saying on the matter as I am not Christian or Jewish and also not an expert in any of these topics at all but yeah.) In 2017 they released the first of their Anemoi albums named after the Ancient Greek Gods of the four directional, seasonal winds, called Notos, after the southern wind that brought the summer storms. Eurus, the south or south-east fall wind, came next in 2018, and then Boreas, the northern winter wind in 2020, followed at last by Zephyrus, the spring western wind, also in 2020. Each album pulls from Ancient Greek mythology, Biblical tales, and folklore to weave songs that celebrate life, comment on suffering, critique the forces that create the hardships we currently face(especially capitalist and Christian ones, Eururs my BELOVED), and the nature of existence itself, while continually coming back to a theme of the turning wheel, either the circle of life, the changing of the seasons, the wheels of oppression that crush us, and the never ending process of suffering and healing. In fact, every album has a ring of gold behind the art of the animal representing it's season, a cicada for summer, a goose for fall, a bear for winter, and a rabbit for spring, making sure we never miss the cyclical theme they're conveying. Zephyrus, rather than ending the series by going quietly into the night, is an explosion of joy and life, fittingly the album cover is green like the season it represents. And sorry I just have to gush for a sec about how fitting it is that the album named after the WESTERN wind contains so many critiques of American "Western" society, religion, and culture like *muah* they KNEW what they were doing and it's phenomenal. Rio Grande, the album's first song, compares the decision of Jochebed, Moses' mother, to save her son from the Pharaoh's orders by setting him adrift on the Nile River in a basket, to the struggles of Latin American immigrants crossing the Rio Grande, which serves as the border between Mexico and Texas, to give their children a chance at a better life in America. The lyrics

Somewhere down south of here

There's a woman with an armload of grass

Weaving a basket

That’ll float the Rio Grande

She'll send her baby off in it

The river running wild and fast

To curry the favor

are INCREDIBLY vivid and heartbreaking and really gets The Point across. A lot of leaders in America claim to be Christian, but when there are people going through what their own Biblical figures did they turn away. They cannot see the parallels between these two groups because of their evangelical nationalistic racism, and thus the truth at the heart of their scripture is ignored and they refuse to help the people who need it. The father crossing the Rio Grande with his child IS Jochebed standing in the water with hers, right down to the color of their skin, but you won't help him. You wouldn't help her, either. Anyway sorry tangent, I'm just so fucking angry all the goddamn time, but yeah Zephyrus(the album) continues with the themes of birth and rebirth, new life springing up after either the desolate winter or unimaginable suffering, of trying to make things better, to fight, to survive, even when it's hard and hurts. We hear in the titular song

Of whatever Pharaoh owns the land

Whether by accident or fortune

You and I

We are matter

and

And it matters

So let me melt down like mountain glaciers

Break the bonds

I’ve been holding onto

Let ‘em soften me

Till every part that I am made of

Waters deep

To the roots

which is a call back to the Rio Grande's lyrics

Of something greener

Oh, maybe I'm naive for thinking

That a mountain so stubborn can move

But if I’m a mountain moving

I think maybe you can be, too

In Soap they offer

It's gonna hurt like hell

Which is itself a follow up to Theseus'

But we're going to be well

Ain’t nothing come easy

No, nothing comes quick

It’s gonna hurt like hell to become well

But if we set the bone straight

It’ll mend

It’ll fix

At the edges of my fingers

And we’ll be well

And like can I just say I love how layered these songs are like they all borrow lyrics and music from each other so much it's almost impossible to talk about just one song without bringing up the rest, it's incredible.

Anyway, I picked this title for Theseus because the entire album series is about cycles, but Zephyrus and specifically Theseus is about healing. As I said above, they're falling back on Greek and Roman mythology to turn Theseus's Ship and the thought experiment that share's it's name into a metaphor for the process of healing after hardship. The song opens by suggesting that the peace we strive for, internal or societal, is not a straight path, the steps are always changing like a river

Never quite closing ‘round it

Oh, that peace like a river

Always going, but never getting

Seems like maybe it’s not all that much a place

As it is a way

And ways don’t ever seem to want to

It also tells us peace is not something that happens once and then is done. It must be maintained. The singer then says they are willing to do the work, even it's it's hard, because the work is what it's all about. Change is scary and hard, but it's beautiful too, and we're ready to commit.

Stay too still for too long

Isn’t that what it’s all about?

The slow trickling thaw that sets the banks in half

The sweet melody it makes when the canyons crack

I wanna give it all I’ve got, and I want nothing

That last line also suggests that this change isn't selfish. It could mean a lot of things, but to me it sounds like the singer understands that this change might not happen in their lifetime, but that's okay. They aren't working for just themselves. They don't strive for a better life for themselves, they strive for a better world for us all, even if they don't benefit in the way you'd typically expect. They continue the theme of change being work in the next verse

I want nothing back

Whatever kingdom come, it probably won’t come quick

No mighty clarion to announce it

No single use ark to discard in an instant

Like Theseus’s ship, we’ll fix the busted bits

'Til it’s both nothing like and everything

It’s always been

It’s a wonder we expect a thing to

The singer explains that there isn't a rapture coming to save us. If a better world comes it won't be quick. It's not an instant fix, we can't break the horn out and blow it once and toss it away like we'll never need it again, just like we cannot let our guard down and assume the work is over because things got a better. I've seen people on the left critique other leftists for so called "rapture theory", the concept of us all just waiting around on our hands until the glorious revolution comes and wipes the slate clean so we can finally build our better world. The issue there is that revolution is not coming. It's just not. We cannot sit around and do nothing because if we do the world is just gonna keep on turning and nothing will change and we'll all eventually die wondering why we never got our revolution. I see parallels to this thought terminating cliche in actual Evangelical Christianity. You only have to ask someone raised in that belief system, it's a doomsday cult. They do not believe a better world is possible and think anyone claiming we can improve things is an agent of the devil who must be stopped. They WANT the world to end. They don't care about climate change because they think the faster we destroy this place the faster god will float down and torture the sinners and bring about their perfect utopia. They spend their entire lives praying to die. But this song counters this thought. There's no rapture and no clarion to announce it. Our arc will not be single use like Noah's. God is not going to wipe the world clean so we can start over and then we'll be good and done and never have to worry about anything ever again. The future you want will not be easy, it will not come about through inaction, it won't be done for you, and even when things get better there will ALWAYS be more work to be done. And we see the central metaphor finally show up, Theseus's Ship. They compare it to Noah's "Single Use" Arc, but counter the idea of it being something that we need once and then don't use again. It's a ship we will be working on our whole lives. We will replace board after board after board, fixing the busted bits, until we hardly recognize it at all, but, at the end it's still our boat. Our society. Our body. In fact, it a wonder we ever expect something to stay the same at all. Show me a permanent state of the self, bitch <3 The pain and evil was always inside all of us, but so was the good, and change is not a bad thing nor does it mean discarding our soul or who we are or forsaking the things we've learned. We're different. We're the same. That's beautiful. To switch back to the personal, a lot of the time healing from trauma is really hard, especially if it went on for so long you don't really remember who you were before it happened. But change doesn't mean you aren't yourself anymore. It can mean things you identified with have to be discarded, people you talked to have been cut off, maybe you can't do the things you used to or think the same things or enjoy the same hobbies, but our essence, soul, whatever, that doesn't change. You will always be you, even when you change. When I finally got diagnosed with Bipolar Type II and got on a medication that actually helped, everyone I knew said it was like I was a completely different person. But me? I had never felt more like myself.

Stay the same at all

Maybe that’s what it’s all about

We keep fixing what we know is only bound to break

What’s worth saving is never worth letting go to waste

Life is a cycle of breaking and fixing. Hurting and healing. And it's worth it. We will always suffer again, break again, need help again, but that doesn't mean we're a lost cause, or garbage, or not worth it. We're worth it, the world is worth it, we will never get a completely fresh start, so we need to mend what we have instead of dreaming of throwing it away every time something goes wrong. And yes, there are some things that need to be thrown away(goodBYE electoral college I will not miss you) but throwing out one thing doesn't mean everything it touched needs to go too. The biggest changes I've seen both externally and within have come from healing what exists instead of trying to throw everything away. It's not always the right choice, but as they say, never let perfect be the enemy of done. We might never be able to start over from scratch, but we can still fix what we have that's worth saving.

I want to mend what I’ve got, instead of throwing away

Ain’t nothing come easy

No, nothing comes quick

It’s gonna hurt like hell to become well

But if we set the bone straight

It’ll mend

It’ll fix

This is the part of the song that REALLY gets me. I'm not the kind of person who is comforted by platitudes about things being easy or painless. I need to know that it's going to hurt ahead of time. And healing has never been easy. My god does it suck. One of my most popular posts right now is about how healing feels like dissolving in acid. Physically and mentally. My hand aches right now from my surgery on Wednesday and it will keep hurting until it heals. Finally leaving my godawful neurologist's clinic might have been the scariest thing I've ever done, I felt like I was going to die. Facing my past in therapy also makes me feel like I'm dying half the time. Your brain will screech and scream and hate every second of healing and make you not want to do it. It really is going to hurt like hell to become well. But if we try, we will succeed. The bone will mend. We'll regrow neruopathways untouched by our trauma. We'll lose our outer layers of skin until we have bodies that were never touched by the people who hurt us. One day you'll wake up and breathe and the pain will barely be a memory. And today I can walk out into a world that is so fucking scary, but because of the work I and millions of people like me did it's currently a world that is better than the one my parents grew up in. It's a world where kids think being gay and trans is so normal they get confused when their parents come out to them. A world where you can actually see the sky through the smog and the Hudson River is so clean whales return to it. A world where I can take a short drive and see the stars in all their glory. Where I can buy presents for my friends and mail them hundreds of miles away. Where I can use the internet to connect with other people who share my extremely rare disease for comfort and support, where I can get a complicated brain surgery that only leaves a couple of bruises and go home the same day with a referral to a doctor who can do another one that will actually help me get better. And maybe, if I'm lucky enough, medical science will keep me alive long enough that the thousands of scientists and doctors working tirelessly on it find a cure. There is so so SO much fucking work to do, oh my GOD is there work to do, internally and externally. I want a better world for ALL of us and we are not there yet. We might never really be there. Star Trek's best episodes are about how even centuries in the future there is still work to do. But we can't give up, or sit around and wait for things to fix themselves or pray for an apocalyptic rapture to offer us a blank slate and then never do any work ever again. As the closing lyrics of Theseus say

And we’ll be well

I want for us this, oh:

That we are well

Okay anyway I've been at this for *checks clock* like FIVE HOURS??? ADHD does in fact go brrr anyway uh if you read this far I love you and idk you can follow for more and here's my ko-fi if you want to support me writing insane improvised essays about music <3 I'm going to go eat I guess and then play tetris to ensure my wrists are well and truly fucked.

(Also again sorry for any formatting errors Tumblr's post editor used to be good and has gone so far downhill it's impressive. I s2g this thing was designed by sadists that thrive on the suffering of writers. Plus my right wrist only half works atm and that isn't helping.)

saw someone else do this so I'm doing a worse version:

I'm not trying to broaden any horizons here or flex with some classic/niche songs, I'm just having fun so these songs are probably ones people already know of/basic, but I'll reveal them after the week is up, have fun :D

#long post #so long oh my god #music meta #breland #the oh hellos #tanner adell #dierks bentley #ashley mcbryde #the crane wives #brittney spencer #zach bryan #noah gundersen #elle king #miranda lambert #lady gaga #the ballroom thieves #loo writes #Spotify

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sheheni · 1 year ago

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I forgot my password

Sorry it's been so long! Here's what my life looks like right now:

Raven and I hit 10 months on September 13th <3 Don't tell him but I am so in love with him

I'm taking an involuntary gap year and starting college in fall 2024. (Lots more baggage to unpack with this but I don't want to be a Debbie Downer)

Finished school strong, another absolute demolition of AP tests. All 5s except calc which was a given lol

I came back here because I was thinking about the state of literature. I feel that books only tell standalone stories, detailing when something novel (wink) occurs in some character's life. Let's explore miraculous things happening in a more casual sense. I want to read something that implies cyclicality. It's an ancient concept that time is cyclical– why is there no literature about it?? Basically, I want to read a book in which there is no beginning and end of a story, it's just capturing a portion of a much larger existence. I have to be able to envision exactly how the story progresses once I run out of pages to turn. (Does what I'm saying make any sense?). Screw the plot volcano; give me something that feels like I just peered into another person's life and stayed long enough to find meaning.

I have some banger book ideas but this blog (5 followers strong) is wayy too popular for me to give up creative property like that. No idea is free!!

Bye :)

Edit: Reading this back, I think I can simplify what I was trying to explain by using the Doppler Effect. When an object is passing by you, it's at its loudest and highest pitch when it is closest to you and vice versa because the waves between you and the object become shorter. Anyways, I want the story to be the loudest and highest pitch (the part we perceive), but I want to hear the low tones of it heading towards me and away from me.

#we back #a day at the races #Spotify

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thecooleraveragejamm · 3 years ago

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Welcome to L’manburg, as told by the various home videos filmed by its first residents

Hi, Hello!! Welcome to the beginning of my first Big Boi Project.I love practical effects and VHS cameras and Ive been wanting to learn how to edit and make videos so I decided to make a fun project out of it to make it funner to learn! So the plan is to make Home video style videos of clips I find funny from available vods. Anyways this is the first time ive ever filmed and edited a video all by myself, and although the audio is super low and wack, Im very proud of it, so now imma rant about the making of the trailer lol

Ive been planning this for like 3 months and I wanted it all done by August 2nd but im bad at time management so now its going to be done in parts, slowly, overtime since i work a full time job. If you noticed in the first part, there’s two voices, and I did that completely by accident, I wanted wilburs dramatic speech from after pogtopia, but that didnt really fit with what i Filmed so i recorded a clip form the festival, but I forgot to mute the original Pogtopia clip so they recorded together, and I decided to keep it since it seemed cool to see the contrast and parallels between the first and second speech. Also the audio bits where they all came together took me so long but I really love it, especially since I ended it with tuboo saying “our president fucked a fish?”, its too low to hear tho :’D. The ending where wilburs walking down that path also took me so many shots because my headphones kept falling out and it was honestly the worst time of my life since it was hot and I was walking for an hour to find that pathway lol, the place I went to was very pretty though! I just realized that you can barely perceive the walls, I spent to much time adding little details and you cant even see them, we out here suffering. Video could also be better but converting from analog to digital and making it look good is hard, my setup for it is so scuffed the people at digitalfaq would be so dissapointed in me

I think thats kinda it for the rant, anyways if you see this thanks for reading!

#dream smp #lmanburg #dsmp fanart #mcyt #dsmp #wilbur soot #tommyinnit #eret #fundy #tubbo #niki nihachu #jack manifold #im tagging everyone and everything #im proud of this shit #i want like 5 people to see this #LHVProject #Lmanburghomevideoproject #LVHProject #think thunk

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rust2dust · 2 years ago

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Hi my 2.5 followers does anyone out there have ideas for how to talk to young kids abt why homophobia is bad / gay and gender variant people aren’t disgusting weirdos :/

The 7-8 year old boys (‘boys’ etc) that I work with on occasion seem to harbor that shit deep already even though it seems like it’s still kinda new for them to give a shit. They reinforce it amongst each other even if they can’t justify it to themselves beyond wordlessly feeling gayness to be gross, weird, embarrassing and completely distancing themselves from / admonishing each other for any perceived femininity.

Rn I’m mostly working with 3 and 4 year olds, and now would be the time to start talking about gender shit but I’m sorta at a loss here too. With this age range it’s mostly just kids thinking there are 2 distinct and opposing categories that can’t be breached or mixed or abandoned or whatever. They’re less prone to ostracize or bully each other for stepping out of bounds than they are to voice confusion at being challenged or a give a simple ‘that’s wrong’ as if you’d started saying the alphabet out of order lol. Idk how long I’ll stay here anyways, the pay’s shit but like no one here or at home is doing anything to push back on this stuff, so thanks if anyone responds to this

Edit: For further context the most I’ve tried w the younger kids is pushing back occasionally on certain gender assumptions - like “mismatching” stereotypical markers during play or art time. With the older kids I’ve done the same, and I’ve gone as far as arguing with them when I’ve heard them say something outright homophobic or sexist but don’t know how to word shit in a way that’s gonna be impactful rather than coming off as a lecture they can sit thru and ignore. It’s knowing what’ll stick or how best to communicate to someone at each age that gets me ig, if I was gonna be more specific.

#homophobia #transphobia #sexism #uhhh #queer education #lgbt education #???#I never post shit so if the formatting is wack I apologize lol

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explosionshark · 2 years ago

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3, 15, 55! and also please identify the most gothic powerful vampire song on it. the people need to know

edited to do this GAME RIGHT bc i forgot it was about lyrics :')

3. Direction by Mat Kerekes (feat. Anthony Green) - so this is a track off the debut solo album of Mat Kerekes, singer of beloved emo band Citizen. The guest vocals are by Anthony Green of Circa Survive. But what I really wanna talk about is the production, bc this is the first record I listened to that really made me aware of Will Yip. This is an acoustic record, really stripped down and organic sounding, and Kerekes plays all the music except for some percussion provided by Yip - it all sounds so bright and airy. The guitar tone has this gorgeous twangy pop, the percussion sounds like someone slapping a pattern out right next to your ear. Admittedly, this is probably so high up on the list bc it was on a playlist i made when i went insane and wrote a 90k word fanfic earlier this year, but still - love this song, love this record. The Anthony Green verse at the end is so dramatic and good "I could be anything that you wanted / I wouldn't mind if you handed me a loaded gun / Crack a smile while you turn the safety off / I'll destroy anything that you want me to / Help me try and understand what you're going through"

15. Ladders of Supremacy by Coheed & Cambria - I'm not here to convince anyone to listen to Coheed bc I don't think anyone should. They just happen to be my favorite band (derogatory). However, in their extensive catalogue this track still manages to stand out - by being the exact thing they do really, really well. It literally always works on me. I'd consider this song the first part of a three part suite that closes out the record (a concept album, per usual). There's an incredibly sexy bass line on this song, a great chorus, kinda filthy bluesy guitar work, and a shockingly jazzy drum performance from Josh Eppard. It's just peak Coheed prog bullshit and I'm so weak to it. So, this Coheed album is the second part of a record that came out in 2019 and it's about a kid who uhh perceives all of time at once? And also his parents who are sci-fi bank robbers/theater performers? Who the fuck cares. "Stay down, boy, see, ya got clowned, boy" is Typical Claudio Nonsensery but the delivery is so fun. Down BWAAH see ya got clowned BWAAAH

55. Wear U Down by Teenage Wrist - I Am Not Immune To Shoegazey Alt Rock. Actually I was surprised tracks off this record weren't higher in my play count this year, bc I feel like I listened to it a lot? I don't have as much to say about this - great fuzzy guitars, love the snare tone. "I'll wear you down, down down" is not a very articulate or impressive chorus, but it sure is fun to sing along with in the car. There's a great lyrical book end in the first verse and the last that goes "Stomp me out / I'm burning red but now I'm done" and then later "Stomp me out / Before I burn another hole" and who among us hasn't poorly ashed a cigarette and found this relatable?

out of these three songs I'd say the biggest gothic powerful vampire energy is probably teenage wrist. but that's grading on hard curve.

out of my whole top 100, biggest gothic powerful vampire energy is When Will God's Work Be Done by Unto Others. This is a GREAT song - big Sisters of Mercy But Heavier vibes. Very goth adjacent imo. This vocalist is incredible. He makes all kinds of great noises - OUGHHHH! HUAAGHH! AUUH! GAUGHDD! WHEN WILL GOD'S WORK BE DONE! Anyway very vampy lyrics + a great evil laugh at the end - "Working all night in the burning dark" / "When a man dies, I feel alive" / "Death, such sweet release" / "Make sure the first bite is the last bite" - yeah! easy win.

#thanks sona!!!!#i talked SO much but it was fun i love music #spotify wrapped --#ask games

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stephspurs · 4 years ago

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A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction

Life is beautiful and life is cruel. A window into the souls of the victorious and the vanquished. In a way, football did come home during the summer of 2021. Follow along Amelia’s journey, navigating the football world as a tactical analyst for the italian football team, with a brother and father part of the three lions. Will Amelia leave Italy and come back to England? Will she leave the Serie A for the Prem? Will she set aside the bianconeri stripes for new colours, leaving behind friendship for love? Maybe she can have both...

EEEEEEK here's part two!!! Part two sees more of Amelia's beautiful brain, the love she has for her team, and her brother, & her friendship with Kyle Walker. Hope you guys love it as much as i do - please let me know what you think - i'd love to hear from you all!

Love always,

Steph xx

UPDATE as of 31/07: I've made some additional editing changes due to some feedback about the confusion between ben white (her brother) and ben chilwell (not her brother LOL). Nothing has been added to the story, just the addition of either surname has been added where i think it could be more straightforward - for future readers!

Part 2. | seconda parte

warnings; none - just a whole lot of feels.

word count; 1469

writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter.

next update; Wednesday 28/07 5pm AEST. Updates are twice weekly (Sunday & Wednesday)!

Tags (as requested by users); @footballffbarbiex

link to fic masterlist here

11 July 2021 | The Final Match.

The players for both national teams lined up side by side down the tunnel. Chiellini & Kane, both confident in their teams ability, captaining with great authority and mentorship for the ten men stood behind them. Amelia stood at the back of the tunnel, watching the scene ahead of her. Her dad, walking up the centre aisle between the two teams, shaking the hands of his players, confident in his preparation. A gentle hand to her brother's shoulder, saying everything it needs to say. It was the same hand that rubbed the back of her neck as he walked past, communicating the same thing. Go your hardest, you’re ready for this.

It was her turn, she started at the back of the line, and in true Italian style, a kiss was placed to both cheeks of every player up the line. When she reached Jorginho, a player she came to appreciate for his technical mindset and intellectual approach to the game, she kissed his cheek and turned to the player opposite him - her brother, who was trying his hardest to face forward and pay his little sister no mind. She knew what he was doing, but she wasn’t as heartless as the rest of the England squad probably perceived her to be. Reaching out, she rubbed her hand along the back of his neck, just as her father did to her, leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, before continuing down the line of her players to the front. Shaking hands with Gareth Southgate, who no doubt had come to realise who the girl was in relation to his team, and a kiss to both cheeks of Mr Mancini, she walked out and took her place on the bench, ready for the game of her life.

120 minutes of football later.

Life is both beautiful and cruel. Whilst she hadn’t anticipated the early goal from Shaw, Amelia had predicted every play by the english and made sure her team was there waiting for them to turn and run. They knew to never let Harry Kane have the space to move the ball, to make sure Mason Mount was marked at all times and to pay attention to the silky smooth skills of Raheem Sterling. They knew that every player on the english side had the talent and skill to shoot and score, no matter if they're a striker or full back. In the end, the endless taunts from the british crowd and constant reminder of “it’s coming home” only fuelled the Italians further and pushed them harder, to their limits. Eventually both sides met with equal force and completed extra time at a draw, leading to penalties. All of Amelia’s preparation with Gianluigi Donnarumma would present itself now. She went over the preferred sides of the penalty takers she presumed would be stepping up for their country, and reminded him of all he has achieved & what there is still left to be done. After all, they are the masters of their own fate.

Donnarumma’s block of Bukayo Saka’s penalty rattled her bones and sent a chill down her spine. They had done it. The boys had finally brought football back to Rome for the first time since 1968, and while she can’t take all of the credit, she knows she single handedly played a part in this victory. As soon as happiness filled her body, guilt and sadness flooded her heart. She had been part of the problem that caused her brother so much pain. Her dad knew how to handle rejection, this wasn't his first rodeo, and could see with an open mind just how they had managed to achieve greatness. But her brother had truly believed they had it, that football was coming home to England.

After being surrounded by her boys, cheering and hugging her, screaming in relief that they had done it, Amelia took a step back and took a deep breath in. Looking over to the players in white consoling each other with looks of understanding and pats on the back, hugging those with the unfortunate fate of missing their penalties, she found her brother.

_____________________________________________________________

Squatting down with his elbows resting on his knees and hands covering part of his face, his eyes showing disbelief that the moment had escaped them. Jordan Henderson, the figurative big brother to my big brother, leaning down whispering what one can only assume is words of encouragement and strength to him. A voice to my right startles me, not because I wasn't used to the noise, but because it was a voice I haven't heard directed at me with anything other than venom in a very long time.

“He wants you to be there for him, don’t ever think for a second that he doesn’t want you around.” Kyle Walker speaks into the open, whilst looking around at the fans still in the stadium. The fans behind us right now would be watching with speculation, wondering why the english player is talking to an italian so soon after defeat.

“I don’t think he doesn’t want me around, i just don’t think he wants me around right now” I spoke back, trying to reason with myself and Kyle as to why i haven't gone up and offered my condolences to my brother.

“I think the only thing that can pull him out of this is you. He was beating himself up last night after your argument, and while he turned it into motivation for today, it's still weighing on his conscience. He’s happy for you, we aren't that mean so as to deny him the pleasure of being proud of his little sister...even if she is working for the enemy”

“You’ve always been one to be the voice of reason, whilst still being the clown I grew up to know and love”

“Does this mean we’re friends again? I’m sorry about last night” Kyle admitted.

“Last night wasn’t what ended our friendship...we stopped being friends the day you left Spurs.” I joked back to Kyle. I turned to look at his over-expressed shocked face and walked backwards a few steps while giggling, before turning and sauntering over to my brother who was now surrounded by some more teammates. Upon seeing me and noticing my solemn expression, finding comfort in the fact that I wasn't there to rub my win in their faces, the boys left my brother to himself.

I stood there, staring into the eyes of my brother, who after a few minutes reached out and pulled me into him as though I was a life raft and he was stranded in the ocean. We stood there, hugging, saying everything we needed to say through the way we were gripping to the backs of each other's team colours.

“I am so proud of you, you put up one hell of a fight Ben. Certainly made my job harder” I spoke into his shirt. He was the taller of the two, but I wasn't that short. Almost immediately after, I felt him push more weight onto me and sink a bit lower so he was in my neck, shedding a few tears he didn't want seen by those around us. Not even 5 seconds later, he stood up straight, wiping his eyes and offering me a smile.

“God, I wish you weren’t better at your job than I am at mine” he joked back to me. I smiled up at him, shaking my head.

“I would say you’re wrong but the medal that's about to be around my neck would say otherwise” i joke back with him. I was not about to dull my sparkle for someone else's sun to shine, whether he is my brother or not.

“We have to talk about everything that went down last night but i’ll let you enjoy your night with your team” Ben says as we turn and begin to walk toward the stage being set up for the ceremony.

“Thanks Ben, family dinner on Sunday? Tell your friends to come, you and i both know mum will have enough food to feed everyone without even trying”

“Of course, I'll put it in the lads chat & see who’s still around. Kyle will see it in our family chat - who even put him in there anyway!?”

“Honestly...I think it was mum. You know she loves her son, Kyle.”

As I walk back to my team, and into the arms of Fede and Jorginho who wrap me up in an Italian flag and start jumping around, I can't help but smile and laugh at my amazing life. Who knows what the future has to hold, but for tonight, the azzurri are the champions of europe and the trophy is coming home, to Rome.

Part 3. | parte terza

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hiccoops · 4 years ago

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Five Favs of 2020

The awesome @mercurial-madhouse was so sweet to tag me in this, thank you so much 💜✨

RULES: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work.

1. Time to buy and time to lose

This was a huge project for me, and also my first ever Big Bang. I incorporated multiple techniques and had SO much fun assembling everything; had a little less fun animating the clock arms, copying and pasting the frames one by one (my crappy laptop was no help, as it was lagging badly the whole way through 😂). Anyway, still super proud of this!

2. One line

For this i just wanted to do something quick but that i hadn't done before, and here's the result. Highly recommend as a fun exercise for people that draw a line and immediately erase it, as you literally cannot lift your pen with this!

3. Witch Harry

My baby. I adore this so much. This comes from a fic I'm attempting to write (attempting because i keep having new ideas so i never stick to one, plus plotting is HARD). Loved playing with light in this, and super happy that people perceived the feel i wanted to give him with his expression

4. '40s AU

This was a result of the euphoria i was feeling after my teacher taught me some notions for drawing a background, thus opening a world of possibilities in my mind. Wish i had done something different looking at it now, but I'm still pretty pleased with how it turned out!

5. This bad boy

Oh...this. Originally started sometime around September 2019, i took my sweet time because i was scared of dealing with Louis' hair 😌 but then someone said in the tags they were waiting for the finished drawing, so i pulled through and finally finished it!

I don't know who's been tagged already, and I'm not going to tag just my mutuals, so if you see this and already did it/want to ignore it i won't mind (maybe)! 😊 @evenasyoungastheyare @ificouldflymp3 @hogwartzlou @nemesyart @aichathebrave @flanuart @doushk @kingsofeverything @louandhazaf @lookslikefairytale @mynameisrainbow @sashinalash @pasmwa @beau-soleil-louis @march-z5 @theleavesoflorien @conversationsofyou @larryatendoftheday @beanno28 @beelou

#five favs of 2020 #tag game #my art #may this new year bring at least slightly better vibes

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embraceyourdestiny · 3 years ago

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I never finished this but I figured I’d post what I did get down anyway

fare warning that this was mostly rambles so it might not make sense lmao

things im noticing watching all of roxas’ cutscenes bc i love my boy

1). Sora and Roxas’ “Where am I? Who’s there? Who are you?” Literally never noticed this was them talking in Roxas’ heart the entire time

2). Things happening to Roxas and people telling him they aren’t both paralleling his time in the Org and Ventus’ time throughout bbs. I think it’s possibly a less intentional parallel on Ven’s side but just as effective because it draws similarities between them immediately; people don’t believe Roxas and Ven are experiencing the things they are (who intentionally tell them it isn’t happening) and it forces them to stray down the path those manipulating them want them to go down.

3). Considering everything, it’s still pretty funny that Riku literally jacked Roxas and as far as I know there was no reason for this lmao (I think it’s actually probably because he didn’t want him to leave the simulation if that was even possible to do with the train or because it actually wasn’t and DiZ couldn’t just make a whole Destiny Islands for him to play in which would have messed up their plans anyway, but it’s still funny lol. Also furthers Roxas’ alienation from his friends and his “life” and loops around to point two so)

4). Why?? Does the twilight gang eat sea salt ice cream?? Obviously because of Roxas but did DiZ consciously program that in?? He had to of, which just seems weird and kindly, which is very out of character for how I perceive him. If they took all of Roxas’ precious memories, then there was no need to add the sea salt ice cream right? Maybe deep down it would feel wrong but without prompting Roxas probably wouldn’t notice all that much. Then again, maybe it was intentional for Roxas to do what DiZ wanted, him planting an inkling of the bigger picture to get him to his end goal. Thinking of it like that, that seems much more aligned with the kind of person DiZ is lmao

Edit of this months after the fact: DiZ also loved sea salt ice cream so he might’ve just programmed his tastes into DTLTW lmao

4.5). Also, I think it’s really interesting how Kingdom Hearts consistently throws two conflicting messages at you in terms of memories; you’ll never truly forget what’s important but you can also completely forget everything you’ve ever known and possibly never come back from it without help. Obviously, “the heart never forgets,” but with the heart, body, mind, and soul all being present in Kingdom Hearts it’s an interesting thought to juggle with that even if you know in your heart something is right or wrong, your mind can still struggle with that concept and can easily be tricked into thinking otherwise, sometimes never coming out of that even if you know in your heart something’s amiss. It’s just really interesting.

5). Roxas sitting a considerable distance from Hayner, Pence, and Olette, showing his disconnect not only with his “life” in twilight town but his disconnect with life and general, and possibly even his disconnect from Sora

6). Roxas had an airplane in his room while Sora had a pirate ship. Besides the obvious parallels between Sora and Roxas and sea and sky, is it possible that because he was made from part of Ven’s heart and Ven was able to fly with his glider that some part of Roxas wanted to fly too? It makes me wonder how much of the room was based in Roxas’ genuine interests/subconscious thoughts and how much of it was programmed by DiZ because I don’t think he could’ve known that about Ven

6.5). More useless thoughts that probably even Nomura didn’t think of; just how much of this did DiZ program and how was that even possible? The town itself would be easy enough but the relations between the people, the banter between the gang and the tension with Seipher, how could he have done that? DiZ doesn’t seem the most... sociable person, he’s not someone who could accurately portray realistic relationships between real people, so was it like he simply got the code of the entire town and let it all play out? I guess he would’ve since in the real twilight town the gang still felt a connection to Roxas and I don’t think that would’ve been possible if they were entirely made of data, like from scratch. Wouldn’t that mean that somehow he was able to take the tiniest piece of their hearts and build from there? And that’s how they actually genuinely connected with him?

(The reason this stuck out in particular to me was the shopping scene with Pence and Olette. When Pence says “he’s stalling...” it implies that he’s done this before, which means they have history and prior experiences to go off of, and how Olette’s voice sounds when she responds. It’s teasing and knowing like a friend really would say it, so were their hearts really able to bond and determine their dynamics without actually living it? Anything is possible in KH lol)

7). ROXAS DOING VANITAS’ CARTWHEEL??? I actually screamed when this happened I never noticed it before omg!!!

Edit: part two/continued!

#kingdom hearts #kh #og #sora kh #kh2 #kingdom hearts 2 #kingdom hearts theories #Roxas kh #twilight town gang

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bunnirs · 4 years ago

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Scarlet Crossroads:

Chapter 3: Race

Previous/Next

Scarlet Crossroads Masterlist: Here

It had been a few minutes into what you perceived to be the first phase of the Hunters Exam. The Examiner, Mr. Satotz, seemed to walk like a living doll. His limbs were stuck straight, his posture never faltering. It was almost intimidating as you compared him to the others. They ran with their backs leaned inward, their skin red as blood flow seemed to accelerate. You could hear the blood pumping in their veins, the familiar crimson color implanted into your brain.

While running seemed to be difficult for others, you seemed to be holding up just fine. As if to show your disinterest in running, you stayed close to the back, where the entertainment seemed to be.

Of course, that ‘entertainment’ was the trio that you had stricken a conversation with earlier. As you gazed at them you noticed that Gon, the small green boy, had fallen a little behind Leorio. Kurapika was still at Leorio’s side, the two of them seeming to take a liking to each other. It was good to have friends, especially those you could trust.

Speaking of friends, it seems that the white haired boy had started to catch up. He was riding the same skateboard you had seen earlier, the red arrow reminding you of the color red. It seemed to follow you.

As you pushed onward, you noticed that Leorio had started to argue with the children. As immature as it was, it brought laughter to you.

Laughter was a foreign word. It was never used among your family, and it certainly wasn't used by you. You breathed inward, the smell of sweat filling your nose, and your smile quickly dropped into a grimace.

“Hey, what are you laughing at you old hag?!” The small white haired boy from earlier yelled at you, almost tripping over his skateboard.

This caused your eyes to narrow, your mouth pulling into a scowl. “Obviously nothing anymore.” You sighed, rolling your eyes at the kids childish antics. “Who even are you anyway? Jack Frost?”

He looked at you in confusion, his eyes pulling into a squint. “My name is Killua, and i’m twelve years old.” He spoke confidently, his lips forming into a smirk. “And you? What’s your name hag?”

“If I tell you, will you stop calling me that?” You scoffed, growing annoyed with the basic insult.

“Nah.” He giggled, his eyes finding a new found light as he saw your frustration. Maybe this kid was a sadist or something.

Well at least it was worth the shot.

“Well then, my names Y/N.” You hummed, slowing down your jog. “The last name isn’t important so I have no true interest in saying it. I hope you’ll understand, seeing as you didn’t say yours either.”

“That seems fair!” Gon said loudly, jumping to join the two of you in your jogs. You smiled softly, admiring his determination in the one small action. He was such a sweet boy for such a large goal. If he passes this exam, there’s nothing that can stop him.

As the two kids began to discuss, you found yourself running ahead of them. Even if it was disappointing to leave their side, you thought it would be best to let them converse. They did seem to be the same age after all, and hanging out with children wasn’t why you were here.

As you pushed forward, you matched strides with the two older males from before. Coming to their sides, Kurapika and Leorio acknowledged you with small head nods, before going back into what conversation they were having.

The conversation seemed to have to do with Leorio’s reasoning for becoming a hunter. As sad as it sounded, money was a real reason for people to become hunters. Hell, your family were thieves, so you understood him to an extent.

As Kurapika prodded at Leorio, you could see that Leorio was unsure of himself. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but was deciding against it.

“We won't judge you if you have something else to say.” You blurted out, reading his face as it molded into one of irritation.

As you said those words, his mouth opened, and he started to yell.

You held your ear as it rang, a frown on your face. Of course he yelled, why wouldn’t he not? He was loud and annoying to say the least, but as he continued to yell about his goals, you seemed to change your opinion.

He needed money to become a doctor… so he could heal others with the same disease that had killed his friend.

You hadn’t come here planning to be subjected to sad back stories, but it seemed fate had another thing coming.

You noticed how Kurapika’s frown had turned into a small smile, filled with relief. It seems he was hoping Leorio wasn’t just a gold digging piece of crap, and he got his answer. They would be good friends seeing as they seemed to bring out the best in one another. How sweet.

“So, Y/N,” Kurapika turned to you, his smile still on his face, but less evident.

His lacking smile almost bothered you, but you had to remind yourself that you didn’t know him at all. “Oh.” You replied curtly, almost having to think of a convincing answer. “...I just want to travel I guess.”

“That’s it?! Wow that makes me feel so much better about myself!” Leorio laughed in relief, his finger pointing at you.

“I think it’s a reasonable answer.” Kurapika hummed, satisfied with your reply.

You nodded, turning your head back to the front. It seems the light was getting closer, the stairs growing boring as you continued to look at them.

As you seemed to adjust to the comfortable silence, a spiky head of hair flew past you, obviously belonging to Gon.

He was giggling as he kept running, swerving through the others as he tried to get to the opening. He kept looking back, but it wasn’t at you.

Another head of hair ran past you, screaming curses as he tried to overtake Gon. So it seems Gon and Killua wanted to race each other. That seemed to remind you of a time not too long ago.

Faint giggles seemed to echo across a barren wasteland, no doubt Meteor City. As the giggles got louder, so did the sounds of splashing water.

A group of teenagers were running around, throwing plastic water bottles at each other as it rained, puddles building up upon the layers of trash. Following after them was a small girl, her short legs making it hard for her to keep up.

When they continued to ignore her, she grew agitated, her eyes sinking as she pouted. She had wanted to play with her brother and his friend’s, but they always outran her. It was disappointing, but at least watching them beat each other with worn down plastic was fun.

As she took one step towards them, the trash beneath her seemed to break apart, a sinkhole forming. As she thought she was going to fall, she closed her eyes, but nothing happened.

As soon as she opened her eyes, she was right in front of her brother and his friends. They seemed slightly confused, the plastic bottles laying dormant in their hands.

“...Where’d you come from? I thought you were over there?” Her brother, Chrollo Lucilfer questioned, his gaze turning to where she just was.

As she turned her head, she noticed that the pile of trash was still falling into a sinkhole, but she was no longer standing there. “....I dunno.”She muttered, her eyes remaining on the hole.

As you came back to your senses, you opened your eyes to see the beautiful sunny sky. What laid beyond you was a fog covered swamp, the grass beneath you already damp.

The sounds of footsteps interrupted you from your scenegazing, and you turned around. Coming out of the 1st Phase’s tunnel was the Examiner, Mr. Satotz, Gon and Killua, and everyone else.

Seems you won the race.

TYSM foR READING!!! SORRY ITS A LIL LATE!!!! GOT CAUGHT UP IN SCHOOL AND HAD TO EDIT!

EWHJKFWEUIHFUIEHFUIHEUIGFUG SO YOU GOT ANOTHER HINT AT HER NEN ABILITIES :D

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hardheadedbighearted · 4 years ago

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Since Hayley is dying of no-Covid juice and I don't have any other watermelons stuffed with hamburger meat to chase around my enclosure for enrichment right now, I thought it might be a good chance to talk about some of my characters' relationships with gender.

(eta: Apparently it's non-binary people's day so I'm going to pretend that's why)

So, it doesn't get many opportunities to come up, but while most of my characters use the pronouns given to them by canon, that doesn't mean all of them are binary; it just means they all have binary pronouns (for various reasons, which I'll get into in a second). Along with "not really coming up much", another reason is that the characters themselves aren't really there yet, or because even I don't know what their gender will do once they actually get there.

Anyway, all that said, here are some of the characters that I know are non-binary, or who otherwise lack what we would think of as a traditional relationship with gender (which I'll explain in a minute).

-Neopolitan {Redacted}: Neo is the most obvious example, and the only one I've been able to have come up on screen that wasn't an oc. Neo's gender is "all", and "all your gender are belong to us", and "this gender is mine", and "gender: yes". When it comes to pronouns, her stance is not so much "I use all pronouns" as "all pronouns are equally correct". Most people default (herself included) to she just because she is to all appearances a woman, but if someone were to break out a he or a they or a xe or a hir or etc, she's not going to care or likely even notice unless a big deal is made.

However, Neo does at times take on personas in order to do her job, and her personas will sometimes have very different stances on their genders. Gideon, for example, uses exclusively they; if memory serves, the sphynx cat from the raid was a he, and the black cat with the green eyes that is underneath Neo's many illusions is exclusively a she. (There's a reason for this, but she informs me it's none of your business.)

(In before, the black cat with the green eyes is not Neo's "true" identity; insofar as she thinks of any of her personas as the "true" self, that would be Neo, the black cat with the green eyes is just her natural form. This is why the black cat with the green eyes doesn't have a name and is usually referred to using the name of the strawberry calico. The reasons for this are, again, none of your business.)

-Yang Xiao Long and Weiss Schneebird: I'm listing both of these together because they're both in the camp of "haven't gotten there yet" with a healthy dose of "I don't know what they'll do when they do get there". I know that I, personally, don't see either Yang or Weiss as binary girls, nor do I feel the urge to rub my trans man fingers all over them (that's for Ruby... maybe. we'll see). I think Yang will likely end up somewhere on the Butch side of the Butch/Trans cusp; I've been reading a lot of blogs from trans men and transmasc individuals recently and them talking about their experience, and I feel like Yang will probably settle in somewhere in that arena. Weiss, on the other hand... look, okay. Honesty time: years ago during an event I won't talk about, I threw out "nonbinary Weiss" as a counterexample to a point I shouldn't have even had to make, and that single, throwaway suggestion has lived in my brain rent-free for years. Now that I have finally moved past the part of me that is still bitter about what happened (okay.. I'm still bitter, but not as much as before), I feel safe to explore that without the negative associations. Also, I saw an edit last year of Weiss with short hair, and it unlocked something in my brain. I think Weiss will end up somewhere unadjacent to binary (contrary to Yang moving along the feminine to masculine line), with an attachment to certain specific identity labels as removed from the context of a binary identity. Also given how long this turned out probably I shouldn't have made them the same bullet point. (Side note, this early gender questioning is why Yang took care to ask Neo's pronouns.)

-Qrow and Raven: Okay, so this one is the one I meant when I alluded to "non-traditional relationships with gender". While both twins do exist on what we would think of as a binary axis (while not identifying either as binary or nonbinary man/woman, respectively), they didn't get there in the traditional "assigned at birth" or "transition" way.

See, here's the thing about ravens: they don't have much sexual dimorphism to speak of. Males are typically larger than females, but with such a broad overlap that even size isn't that reliable. From this, I headcanon that in DT society, ravens (and other birds that have matching genitals and no dimorphism) don't really have a concept of "assigned at birth gender". You find out what sex you are once puberty hits, and gender is something that ravens just explore, sometimes settling very quickly into one thing and sometimes trying on lots, sometimes moving fluidly throughout their entire life.

When it comes to their actual sex, we know that Raven is female. Qrow... I genuinely don't know. I know based on certain things coming down the pipeline it's a high probability that he's also female, but those are just loosely based on my assumptions about how those loose ideas will play out, and are irrelevant and unlikely to come up anyway.

As far as their relationship with genders go, Qrow settled into male sometime during childhood, while Raven tried on genders for awhile before deciding sometime in her twenties that female was "close enough". However, for both of them gender is about how they're perceived externally, and doesn't mean much as far as their internal relationship with gender goes (which is basically nonexistent).

Will also say that there was a time when Raven was absolutely prepared to try on male for awhile to see if it would get James into bed with her, but that was more out of horniness than anything else. When it's been awhile and your best friend is hot, just got fitted with a metal dick he should probably take for a test run, and is pining for your identical twin, a girl will consider anything. Apparently.

Note regarding Yang re: raven genders, Yang is half-tanager and appeared more tanager than raven until adolescence, so Raven kind of got vetoed by Tai and Summer (not in a deliberate way, just sort of happened like that). However, both Yang and Ruby were raised to think of their assigned gender as a "default setting" that they could change at any point they so chose.

-Reese Chloris: This one will come up as soon as I get the opening for it; Reese is a transmasculine woman, and is in fact early into hrt (this is why I took care to specify her as a peahen when she first turned up). She is also a straight transmasculine woman, something that she's only recently come to accept about herself, because of course a woman who wants to look like a man to the point of taking hormones to make that happen has to be sapphic, right? Reese is still on a journey when it comes to her gender and identity; the three things she knows for sure positive are: 1, wants to kiss boys, 2, doesn't want to be boys, 3, wants to be mistaken for boys.

-Emerald Sustrai: Listen, Mercury's comment that "Emerald's not a girl, she's Emerald" is easy to dismiss as Mercury not thinking of his partner as a potential romantic pursuit until you remember that Mercury and Emerald share a dreamscape and a mental connection and that Mercury is trans, and you start to wonder if maybe he just knows something we don't.

Anyway, Emerald's not a girl, she's Emerald. What that will mean for her... well, that's actually one of the ones that I already know, but Emerald hasn't gotten there yet. Give her time. :)

-Lie Ren: He's never actually onscreen, but I always sort of envision Ren as menderfluid- never a woman, not always a man. He's also aro-ace, but that's unrelated. I just wanted to put that out there. ("But Theo! What about Renora?!" What about Renora?)

-Neon Katt: Nonbinary woman. There's not much to say about this one; Neon just considers the box of "cis woman" to be too stifling for her taste. Strictly speaking she's a she/they and even has a pin advertising this, but it's never come up outright.

-Roman Torchwick and Robyn Hill: Binary man and woman, just not in the traditional way. Not gonna elaborate, they just belong on the list. Don't worry about it.

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