#so long oh my god

[lastoneout]

OKAY sorry for completely forgetting about this for several days, I had surgery the day the poll was set to end and then I had complications from said surgery and I'm only just now finally starting to feel normal again SO let's get to the reveal :D

DISCLAIMER: 1) here's the Spotify playlist for you animals who don't want to read my extensive thoughts <3 You respect your time and I respect that!

and 2) I know the italics are kinda fucked in some places I'm trying to fix it. Edit: They're fixed now.

ANYWAY the songs(not in order of popularity just in order I am far too dumb for that) along with a little reason I picked the "bad description" for each of them!

If you relate to this you probably have OCD: Caleb Trask by The Crane Wives (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Now not to get too trauma-dump-y right at the start(and PLEASE feel free to skip to the next one if this is too heavy for you) but the first time I listened to this song I hadn't been diagnosed with OCD, yet I still related to it in a way I couldn't quite express, but looking back now...YEAAAAH I related to it for a Reason. The song is "speaking" to Caleb Trask, one of the characters in the book of East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I can't speak to the parallels to the narrative itself because I haven't read it, but to me it weaves a comforting message, one of not letting your past sins or the past sins of the people who came before you in your family stop you from moving forward and living a better life. The lyrics

So you got bad in your blood

Brother, you're one of us

and

If you might then you may

There's no reason to live out in chains

Cause you're not alone

We're the daughters of sinners, we're the sons of saints

just hit different. One of the hallmark symptoms of OCD is intrusive thoughts, your anxiety attacks what you value most, and most of us want to be good people, so it gives us image after image of the most horrific violence and convinces us we must live in constant vigilance to stop ourselves from giving in to our perceived "true" nature. And if we have harmed someone in the past, even in the smallest of ways or ways that were clearly not our fault in the end, we see it as validation that we are bad people and must suffer endlessly to make up for it. There's no forgiveness, only living in chains, afraid that we might. The song counters this by saying almost exactly what my therapist does, paraphrased here as "You might do bad things. Something might go wrong and it might be your fault. The worst of your fears could absolutely come true. That is the nature of being alive. No one can get through life without causing pain, just like we can't get through life without bringing joy to ourselves and others as well. Be open to the possibility that things might be bad, but they might be good too, you cannot let your anxiety force you to crawl through the desert repenting, this isn't how you become a better person." Maybe you have bad in your blood, or blood on your hands. You're not alone, we're all the daughters of sinners and the sons of saints. Don't let that stop you from loving. Stop punishing yourself. Stop waiting for the flowers to bloom, for some nebulous forgiveness that will never really come. Find joy now, live freely now while you still can. You're not alone. You're not alone.

Introvert Party Anthem: Night In by Brittney Spencer (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Okay time for a HARD tone shift! This one is legit just what it says on the tin, and that's fantastic. As a certified disabled introvert I genuinely consider hanging out at home peak, and the chorus really says it all

I just want a night in, getting high with friends

Not a night on the town killing time again

No high heel stumbling down the city streets

No drunk boys mumbling, "Can I buy you a drink?"

Turn my phone off, get a little gone

All this turning it up ain't really turning me on

I need sweatpants, vibing to an old CD

And my day ones next to me

I just want a night in

Like come on, that's it. That's literally it. Bars are fun I guess but I can wear my pj pants at home. I can get drunk or high at home. I can throw up in my own toilet. I have the aux cord and I'm making you all suffer <3 (Also listen to more black country artists or I will start biting people I mean what-)

I FUCKING LOVE STRING INSTRUMENTS: Fiddlin' Around by Dierks Bentley (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Our winner!! Kay so I feel kinda bad about this one 'cuz I don't think it's what people expected and I maybe should have gone with my alternate joke title of "string instruments as a metaphor for fucking" but oops, oh well! Anyway I also don't have a whole lot to say about this one aside from the fact that it's fun and low-stakes and I just really do love fiddles and banjos and other string instruments and they do in fact go hard in this song. It's also catchy as fuck and gets stuck in my head for hours every time I listen to it, and does bring to mind hanging out in an old truck bed after dark which is fun no matter what you're doing in there, be it stargazing or making s'mores over a camp stove or fuckin'. I'ma throw in a couple of other really good string instrument songs tho just for good measure; Sweet Nell/Bajho Khetma by Himalayan Highway, a fusion of Bluegrass and traditional Himalayan folk music that's better than anxiety medicine, and Banjo Bloodbath by Appalachian Anarchy a Bluegrass Power Metal band bcs like COME on. COME ON. If you don't think that's the coolest shit in the entire world idk how to even talk to you.

My childhood best friend died and I'm not over it: El Dorado by Zach Bryan (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

This song destroyed me the first time I listened to it because bro that fucking string section at the start I am SO into string sections, they just make my heart shatter when done well. It is kinda obvious it's a mourning song, but I did find out he wrote it about a friend of his who took his own life, and as someone who did lose a dear childhood friend to cancer a few years back, who was also one of my ONLY friends who actually LIKED country music, this song just. It just.

In El Dorado, hell if I know if you're still alive

There's a note in the glove box of your drive

El Dorado, hell if they know the difference in a hero

And a man I wish was still by my side

You're in every last memory alive

That's all I got.

Everything sucks so much, but at least we have each other: Garden by Noah Gundersen (spoitfy - youtube - lyrics)

We are continuing Certified SadBoy Hours™ with a song by one of my favorite artists of all time, Noah Gundersen. I saw him live last November in Tucson and god it was fucking EVERYTHING. He played like three of my favorite songs of his, I cried so much, there's a deep ache inside me that guy can yank out so fast it's not even funny. I was torn between this one and Honest Songs because they both have the same vibe but I like that this one feels very...rural, and old-fashioned but in an anti-capitalist way, I guess? Something about that gets to me. I'm starting to suspect there's a very old coal miner from Appalachia living inside me that I need to get in touch with. Anyway yeah this?

But wait, oh wait

See how the morning breaks

It's the simplest of love songs, but it's all our hearts can take

And though we lose our stake

Heaven is where we make it

Even in the smallest places, can a garden grow

I can't be normal about this, hope that helps <3

Bisexual! at the Grocery Store: Strawberry Crush by Tanner Adell (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Okay if you aren't listening to Tanner Adell shut the fuck up and go listen to her right now oh my GOD I cannot get enough of this woman!!! Anyway this song is literally just "I was at the store with my boyfriend and then saw the most beautiful woman ever I can't tell if I want to be her and/or fuck her help me" with some truly insane banjo under it and if that doesn't sell ya on it this should:

Strawberry wonder, strawberry lover

Bet she tastes like strawberries under the covers

Strawberry lush, strawberry touch

Strawberry never enough

Stay my strawberry, strawberry crush

Like goddamn. Hell fucking yeah. Let's fucking go. 10/10 absolutely NO notes <3 More queer country in general but especially from artists of color. Thank you so fucking much Ms. Adell you own my life.

Yeah being famous is pretty nice but I kinda just wanna go home: Sparrow by Ashley McBryde (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I was originally gonna pick Baby Girl by Sugarland for this slot(but obviously with a slightly different description) but idk I recently started listening to Ashley McBryde and I love her voice and this song really hit me different than the Sugarland song. Baby Girl is more about the allure of fame and the struggle to get it and then use that fame to care for your folks, which used to speak to me as like...a teenager with wild dreams, but Sparrow feels more from the perspective of "fame is nice it sure is but god I miss home so fucking bad" and that hits different as a 30 y/o who just wants to live a decent life with the people I love. It's simple and sweet and really gets into that homesick longing that country music is SO fucking good at. Honestly call me a loser for it but I agree with Branch in Trolls 2, country music is quite often really fucking sad and that's what I like about it. Sometimes you're sad and that guitar just gives you the catharsis you need.

For a sparrow

Who wouldn't trade nothing for the way it feels to fly

It ain't fair though

How you miss the ground when you're out here in the sky

You're higher than you've ever been

Lonely like you never been

Waiting on the wind to take you home

Anyway brb gonna go fucking cry my eyes out.

Messy Bitch Party Anthem: Drunk(And I Don't Wanna Go Home) by Elle King and Miranda Lambert (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

This song is legit just fun and also the polar opposite of Night In. This is for the messy ass bitches who just want to get fucked up and make it everyone else's problem and I love that for them <3 Plus both Elle King and Miranda Lambert have very like...specific voices that I feel like I don't hear a whole lot in music but go together spectacularly. Like if I ever do another country/folk themed one of these I am including a Miranda Lambert song I promise you. (Also whoever let Exes and Oh's get popular without the accompanying knowledge that Elle King is a country artist owes me five billion dollars you were fucking holding out on me you sick bastards you all claim to hate country and YET- *I am dragged off the stage kicking and screaming*) I love the 80's wedding vibe of the fashion in the music video, the irreverence, the beat, this song is legit just fun and it was immediately added to my "get pumped up" playlist. Sometimes it doesn't have to be complicated, it just has to be fun. She's drunk and she doesn't want to go home!!

SHE HAS THE RANGE!!!: Yoü and I by Lady Gaga (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I have nothing to say. If this isn't a country song idk what the fuck is. She's in a corn field. She's in a barn. He's her cool Nebraska guy. Lady Gaga does, in fact, have the fucking range. Die mad about it. Also her masc alter ego is in the music video and I am devastatingly bisexual about it.

Of course you're in pain, it came free with your being alive and in love, idiot: The Loneliness Waltz by The Ballroom Thieves (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I was actually torn between this song and Firewood by Regina Spektor but I don't think Regina Spektor really makes anything adjacent to what you'd call folk or country music so I went with one that is that I love just as much. Don't really have a whole lot to say about this one either, it's just vibes and strings and lovely lyrics sung beautifully and I think more people should listen to it.

We are frivolous with our hearts

Watch them bend till they break

Then we pick up the parts

Yeah, we give, we take

We save and condemn

And we live just to love again

Screaming crying shaking throwing up ect. ect.

Give a classic girl's country song transmasc vibes with this one easy trick!: Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter as covered by Breland (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I have ADORED this song since I was like 13 idk it's just really really fucking good imo, and I've heard a lot of good covers but man....this cover? THIS COVER? It's everything to me. Breland is truly unmatched as a country singer I have yet to hear a song of his that didn't blow me away. I saw tumblr user vaspider(not tagging him because this post is ridiculously long I just wanna be sure he is credited for his words) once say that Luke Combs' cover of Tracy Chapman's Fast Car(another phenomenal cover that proves to me country has a lot of potential as a genre that gets sadly ignored) had transmasc vibes because he chose not to change the line about being a "checkout girl" and not only do I agree but this song is that dialed up to 900. If you haven't heard this song here's the original as well as Deana Carter's 2021 version featuring several female country artists I love including Ashley McBryde that's also worth checking out. It's a retrospective song where the singer talks about her first experience with love and heartbreak at seventeen over the course of a relationship with a college student who was working on her grandfather's farm over the summer. Breland does not change the pronouns or the words used to refer to the singer. The line "I was caught somewhere between a woman and a child" is not changed and the singer's boyfriend stays a boyfriend. This could and probably is just a creative choice, but I've seen less changed more drastically in other covers, so having Breland just embrace the identity of this girl, former or not, and her boyfriend without feeling the need to defend his own sexual identity or masculinity is SO refreshing. And it makes a transmasculine reading on the song entirely valid. Not all trans people see themselves as always being their current gender/apply it retroactively, some of us do see ourselves as being this gender now and another when we were younger. Breland's cover, to me at least, sounds like a trans man singing about a very important milestone in his life that he experienced through a gendered perspective and yet keeps coming back to even if he isn't really that person anymore, and that's just. Idk it's beautiful. And I mean, Deanna Carter's version does describe being a woman and a lovestruck teenager and a child as different, which just adds to the concept of gender and identity fluctuating based on where you are in your life even for cis people. I found this cover around when I was accepting that I was butch and bigender and the first time I listened to it I cried and cried. It's breathtaking and I really REALLY would love to see more country artists follow in Breland and Luke Combs' footsteps and embrace the songs as the stories they are, rather than being an indicator of who they are as a person and thus something that must be changed to dodge any "queer" allegations. And I gotta add an obligatory plug of Breland's cover of Shania Twain's Man, I Feel Like A Woman which is just *chef's kiss*(they also teamed up on a song for Twisters(2024) which fucks like what can't he fucking do!!!) and Alana Springsteen's cover of Sand In My Boots which turns into a ballad about a lesbian fumbling a bad bitch. More artists do this right now. ALSO LISTEN TO MORE BLACK COUNTRY ARTISTS I AM NOT ASKING. Y'ALL ARE FUCKING MISSING OUT.

Show me a permanent state of the self, bitch <3: Theseus by The Oh Hellos (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Did you really think I was gonna get through this without an Oh Hellos song? Oh you sweet summer child. I will never shut up about them. My wrist is starting to hurt so I will try not to essay as hard this time but I FAILED, FUCKING SEVERAL THOUSAND WORD ESSAY UNDER THE CUT TL;DR THIS SONG USES THE THOUGHT EXPERIMENT OF THESEUS'S SHIP TO EXPAND ON THEMES OF HEALING AND CHANGING BOTH AS INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE AND AS A SOCIETY AND HOW WE ARE ALWAYS THE SAME YET ALWAYS DIFFERENT THERE'S NO PERMANENT STATE OF THE SELF IT'S REALLY GOOD GO LISTEN TO IT!!!! Uh also like TW for discussions of racism and death and Evangelical Christianity and mental health struggles and just so many things what the hell this got so long. The Oh Hellos do not fuck around, but I can't talk about their music without talking about all of that too.

ESSAY INCOMING YOU WERE FUCKING WARNED!!! The Oh Hellos are a modern folk band that pulls a lot from Ancient Greek and Roman mythology, folklore, literature, and Christianity. And I don't mean they make christian worship songs, this isn't Amazing Grace type stuff, they use their experience being raised Christian and the stories/iconography/beliefs to inspire them. If you've had someone annoyingly point out that Solider, Poet, King is about Jesus instead of your blorbos, they're right. And wrong. It's about a lot of things, all of their songs are about like three different things, why do you think this part of the post got so long? I mean Dear Wormwood is using the writings of C.S. Lewis to tell the story of leaving an abusive relationship, there are layers. Things can be about god and also about regular people, that's how art works. And their songs also do also provide some fucking scathing critiques of Christianity, lemme tell ya. The kind of scary accurate shit you only get from people who were raised in it. (I would also be remiss to not point out that of course many of these themes and stories were taken from Judaism because, you know, that's what Christianity did and still does, so a lot of these references are about things shared between the two religions, but they are very much coming from being raised in Christian communities and I think that distinction is just as important as pointing out that these figures and events are not Christian in origin, because while we know where these stories came from Christians interpret and utilize them VERY differently from Jewish people so like, they aren't critiquing Judaism, they're critiquing the Christian interpretation and use of these events, especially by Evangelical Christians, from a Christian perspective. Anyway, that's all I feel comfortable saying on the matter as I am not Christian or Jewish and also not an expert in any of these topics at all but yeah.) In 2017 they released the first of their Anemoi albums named after the Ancient Greek Gods of the four directional, seasonal winds, called Notos, after the southern wind that brought the summer storms. Eurus, the south or south-east fall wind, came next in 2018, and then Boreas, the northern winter wind in 2020, followed at last by Zephyrus, the spring western wind, also in 2020. Each album pulls from Ancient Greek mythology, Biblical tales, and folklore to weave songs that celebrate life, comment on suffering, critique the forces that create the hardships we currently face(especially capitalist and Christian ones, Eururs my BELOVED), and the nature of existence itself, while continually coming back to a theme of the turning wheel, either the circle of life, the changing of the seasons, the wheels of oppression that crush us, and the never ending process of suffering and healing. In fact, every album has a ring of gold behind the art of the animal representing it's season, a cicada for summer, a goose for fall, a bear for winter, and a rabbit for spring, making sure we never miss the cyclical theme they're conveying. Zephyrus, rather than ending the series by going quietly into the night, is an explosion of joy and life, fittingly the album cover is green like the season it represents. And sorry I just have to gush for a sec about how fitting it is that the album named after the WESTERN wind contains so many critiques of American "Western" society, religion, and culture like *muah* they KNEW what they were doing and it's phenomenal. Rio Grande, the album's first song, compares the decision of Jochebed, Moses' mother, to save her son from the Pharaoh's orders by setting him adrift on the Nile River in a basket, to the struggles of Latin American immigrants crossing the Rio Grande, which serves as the border between Mexico and Texas, to give their children a chance at a better life in America. The lyrics

Somewhere down south of here

There's a woman with an armload of grass

Weaving a basket

That’ll float the Rio Grande

She'll send her baby off in it

The river running wild and fast

To curry the favor

are INCREDIBLY vivid and heartbreaking and really gets The Point across. A lot of leaders in America claim to be Christian, but when there are people going through what their own Biblical figures did they turn away. They cannot see the parallels between these two groups because of their evangelical nationalistic racism, and thus the truth at the heart of their scripture is ignored and they refuse to help the people who need it. The father crossing the Rio Grande with his child IS Jochebed standing in the water with hers, right down to the color of their skin, but you won't help him. You wouldn't help her, either. Anyway sorry tangent, I'm just so fucking angry all the goddamn time, but yeah Zephyrus(the album) continues with the themes of birth and rebirth, new life springing up after either the desolate winter or unimaginable suffering, of trying to make things better, to fight, to survive, even when it's hard and hurts. We hear in the titular song

Of whatever Pharaoh owns the land

Whether by accident or fortune

You and I

We are matter

and

And it matters

So let me melt down like mountain glaciers

Break the bonds

I’ve been holding onto

Let ‘em soften me

Till every part that I am made of

Waters deep

To the roots

which is a call back to the Rio Grande's lyrics

Of something greener

Oh, maybe I'm naive for thinking

That a mountain so stubborn can move

But if I’m a mountain moving

I think maybe you can be, too

In Soap they offer

It's gonna hurt like hell

Which is itself a follow up to Theseus'

But we're going to be well

Ain’t nothing come easy

No, nothing comes quick

It’s gonna hurt like hell to become well

But if we set the bone straight

It’ll mend

It’ll fix

At the edges of my fingers

And we’ll be well

And like can I just say I love how layered these songs are like they all borrow lyrics and music from each other so much it's almost impossible to talk about just one song without bringing up the rest, it's incredible.

Anyway, I picked this title for Theseus because the entire album series is about cycles, but Zephyrus and specifically Theseus is about healing. As I said above, they're falling back on Greek and Roman mythology to turn Theseus's Ship and the thought experiment that share's it's name into a metaphor for the process of healing after hardship. The song opens by suggesting that the peace we strive for, internal or societal, is not a straight path, the steps are always changing like a river

Never quite closing ‘round it

Oh, that peace like a river

Always going, but never getting

Seems like maybe it’s not all that much a place

As it is a way

And ways don’t ever seem to want to

It also tells us peace is not something that happens once and then is done. It must be maintained. The singer then says they are willing to do the work, even it's it's hard, because the work is what it's all about. Change is scary and hard, but it's beautiful too, and we're ready to commit.

Stay too still for too long

Isn’t that what it’s all about?

The slow trickling thaw that sets the banks in half

The sweet melody it makes when the canyons crack

I wanna give it all I’ve got, and I want nothing

That last line also suggests that this change isn't selfish. It could mean a lot of things, but to me it sounds like the singer understands that this change might not happen in their lifetime, but that's okay. They aren't working for just themselves. They don't strive for a better life for themselves, they strive for a better world for us all, even if they don't benefit in the way you'd typically expect. They continue the theme of change being work in the next verse

I want nothing back

Whatever kingdom come, it probably won’t come quick

No mighty clarion to announce it

No single use ark to discard in an instant

Like Theseus’s ship, we’ll fix the busted bits

'Til it’s both nothing like and everything

It’s always been

It’s a wonder we expect a thing to

The singer explains that there isn't a rapture coming to save us. If a better world comes it won't be quick. It's not an instant fix, we can't break the horn out and blow it once and toss it away like we'll never need it again, just like we cannot let our guard down and assume the work is over because things got a better. I've seen people on the left critique other leftists for so called "rapture theory", the concept of us all just waiting around on our hands until the glorious revolution comes and wipes the slate clean so we can finally build our better world. The issue there is that revolution is not coming. It's just not. We cannot sit around and do nothing because if we do the world is just gonna keep on turning and nothing will change and we'll all eventually die wondering why we never got our revolution. I see parallels to this thought terminating cliche in actual Evangelical Christianity. You only have to ask someone raised in that belief system, it's a doomsday cult. They do not believe a better world is possible and think anyone claiming we can improve things is an agent of the devil who must be stopped. They WANT the world to end. They don't care about climate change because they think the faster we destroy this place the faster god will float down and torture the sinners and bring about their perfect utopia. They spend their entire lives praying to die. But this song counters this thought. There's no rapture and no clarion to announce it. Our arc will not be single use like Noah's. God is not going to wipe the world clean so we can start over and then we'll be good and done and never have to worry about anything ever again. The future you want will not be easy, it will not come about through inaction, it won't be done for you, and even when things get better there will ALWAYS be more work to be done. And we see the central metaphor finally show up, Theseus's Ship. They compare it to Noah's "Single Use" Arc, but counter the idea of it being something that we need once and then don't use again. It's a ship we will be working on our whole lives. We will replace board after board after board, fixing the busted bits, until we hardly recognize it at all, but, at the end it's still our boat. Our society. Our body. In fact, it a wonder we ever expect something to stay the same at all. Show me a permanent state of the self, bitch <3 The pain and evil was always inside all of us, but so was the good, and change is not a bad thing nor does it mean discarding our soul or who we are or forsaking the things we've learned. We're different. We're the same. That's beautiful. To switch back to the personal, a lot of the time healing from trauma is really hard, especially if it went on for so long you don't really remember who you were before it happened. But change doesn't mean you aren't yourself anymore. It can mean things you identified with have to be discarded, people you talked to have been cut off, maybe you can't do the things you used to or think the same things or enjoy the same hobbies, but our essence, soul, whatever, that doesn't change. You will always be you, even when you change. When I finally got diagnosed with Bipolar Type II and got on a medication that actually helped, everyone I knew said it was like I was a completely different person. But me? I had never felt more like myself.

Stay the same at all

Maybe that’s what it’s all about

We keep fixing what we know is only bound to break

What’s worth saving is never worth letting go to waste

Life is a cycle of breaking and fixing. Hurting and healing. And it's worth it. We will always suffer again, break again, need help again, but that doesn't mean we're a lost cause, or garbage, or not worth it. We're worth it, the world is worth it, we will never get a completely fresh start, so we need to mend what we have instead of dreaming of throwing it away every time something goes wrong. And yes, there are some things that need to be thrown away(goodBYE electoral college I will not miss you) but throwing out one thing doesn't mean everything it touched needs to go too. The biggest changes I've seen both externally and within have come from healing what exists instead of trying to throw everything away. It's not always the right choice, but as they say, never let perfect be the enemy of done. We might never be able to start over from scratch, but we can still fix what we have that's worth saving.

I want to mend what I’ve got, instead of throwing away

Ain’t nothing come easy

No, nothing comes quick

It’s gonna hurt like hell to become well

But if we set the bone straight

It’ll mend

It’ll fix

This is the part of the song that REALLY gets me. I'm not the kind of person who is comforted by platitudes about things being easy or painless. I need to know that it's going to hurt ahead of time. And healing has never been easy. My god does it suck. One of my most popular posts right now is about how healing feels like dissolving in acid. Physically and mentally. My hand aches right now from my surgery on Wednesday and it will keep hurting until it heals. Finally leaving my godawful neurologist's clinic might have been the scariest thing I've ever done, I felt like I was going to die. Facing my past in therapy also makes me feel like I'm dying half the time. Your brain will screech and scream and hate every second of healing and make you not want to do it. It really is going to hurt like hell to become well. But if we try, we will succeed. The bone will mend. We'll regrow neruopathways untouched by our trauma. We'll lose our outer layers of skin until we have bodies that were never touched by the people who hurt us. One day you'll wake up and breathe and the pain will barely be a memory. And today I can walk out into a world that is so fucking scary, but because of the work I and millions of people like me did it's currently a world that is better than the one my parents grew up in. It's a world where kids think being gay and trans is so normal they get confused when their parents come out to them. A world where you can actually see the sky through the smog and the Hudson River is so clean whales return to it. A world where I can take a short drive and see the stars in all their glory. Where I can buy presents for my friends and mail them hundreds of miles away. Where I can use the internet to connect with other people who share my extremely rare disease for comfort and support, where I can get a complicated brain surgery that only leaves a couple of bruises and go home the same day with a referral to a doctor who can do another one that will actually help me get better. And maybe, if I'm lucky enough, medical science will keep me alive long enough that the thousands of scientists and doctors working tirelessly on it find a cure. There is so so SO much fucking work to do, oh my GOD is there work to do, internally and externally. I want a better world for ALL of us and we are not there yet. We might never really be there. Star Trek's best episodes are about how even centuries in the future there is still work to do. But we can't give up, or sit around and wait for things to fix themselves or pray for an apocalyptic rapture to offer us a blank slate and then never do any work ever again. As the closing lyrics of Theseus say

And we’ll be well

I want for us this, oh:

That we are well

That we are well

That we are well

That we are well

That we are well

-

-

Okay anyway I've been at this for *checks clock* like FIVE HOURS??? ADHD does in fact go brrr anyway uh if you read this far I love you and idk you can follow for more and here's my ko-fi if you want to support me writing insane improvised essays about music <3 I'm going to go eat I guess and then play tetris to ensure my wrists are well and truly fucked.

(Also again sorry for any formatting errors Tumblr's post editor used to be good and has gone so far downhill it's impressive. I s2g this thing was designed by sadists that thrive on the suffering of writers. Plus my right wrist only half works atm and that isn't helping.)

saw someone else do this so I'm doing a worse version:

I'm not trying to broaden any horizons here or flex with some classic/niche songs, I'm just having fun so these songs are probably ones people already know of/basic, but I'll reveal them after the week is up, have fun :D

[egophiliac]

still ruminating over Lost In the Book With Spooky Skeletons Part 1, so here's a selection of some of my favorite little bits! (...some more loosely paraphrased than others) (I just feel like Idia has no room to criticize in general, okay)

anyway, I'm sure we're just going to have a fun time celebrating Halloween and nothing bad is going to happen whatsoever! :)

[kcrra]

it makes me literally sick to think about alicent's relationship to her children. like. they are all she has. she loves them more than anything and hates them just as much. each of them is a shackle around her neck. they are her babies even though she was a baby herself, forced to be their mother. she'll pick up a knife for them. they are her living prison. everything she ever does is for them. their very existence makes her sick. she understands them and yet doesn't know them at all. they are her future. they stole her past.

she was 15 years old tethered to a rotting body of a man entirely against her will, watching each of her children invade her body as a result of martial rape. how were they ever supposed to have a normal relationship!!!!!!!

[bloominglegumes]

i love normal guys doomed by the narrative

[galaghiel]

i just had to draw this dialogue. the voices compelled me

[saturnvs]

babies :)

[hinamie]

i don't normally participate in these redraw challenges but it's megumi so i'll make an exception

[rainofthetwilight]

EGYPTIAN MIKU ❗❗❗❗❗❗❗❗

[peanutseagle]

what a happy family !

[kensatou]

you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

[laylakeating]

NEW GIRL REWATCH | 1.01, Pilot

[seiwas]

cw: pro-hero bakugo, reader has boobs, kind of explicit/nsfw? idk i describe boobs, reader is smaller and shorter than bakugo, unedited sawry

bakugo's muscle tee looks as ill-fitting as it'll ever be draped over you.

there are reasons for this, perfectly founded and logical reasons for why that is—the main one being that, it's, well, his; two, maybe even three sizes larger than what it should be to fit you properly.

but, he can't stop staring, and there are reasons for that too—the main one being that, it's his, and yet, the only way he can ever imagine it now is when it's being worn by you.

your hips sway to the song you've been humming for the past five minutes. it's the same one, the chorus on a perpetual loop. he's sure it's the only part you know; you do this often enough that it's the only part he knows now, too.

the hem of his tee hits right at the top of your thighs, concealing just enough to tease, but he’s confident that if you reach up even the slightest bit for the cupboard overhead, there'll be nothing to hide.

he feels a little bit like a creep like this, watching as he stands in the middle of your shared living room, but it's impossible too look away—you've got to be doing this on purpose, right?

heat flares inside of him when you turn your body ever so slightly, the armhole of his muscle tee large enough to give him the clearest view of skin—

he gulps.

it's smooth, sloping just right; the side view of your under boob curves into its perfect shape and he can imagine it, feel—

(is this considered perving if he's been with you for years?)

the pan in front of you sizzles as you plop in god knows what. you pour in something from the side and wait, one hand propped on the hip you pop out. then, you pick up the pan, attempting to flip what's inside (probably a pancake, now that he thinks about it).

it’s hard to focus on what you’re cooking though, especially when all he sees is plump flesh jiggling, bouncing as you further agitate the pan.

he just got the pants of this suit readjusted, and now they're fucking tight.

bakugo normally runs hot; it’s kind of part of his dna. but this warmth is different, flushing him from head to toe. it creeps up the side of his neck, painting the tips of his ears a blooming red.

you turn around then, plopping the pancake on the plate atop the counter behind you.

"oh! you're done," you greet him with a smile. so. fucking. casually.

as if your tits aren't fucking peaking against the gray fabric of his tee.

as if you think he buys the fake innocence poorly concealing that sly, conniving look in your pretty eyes.

as if you aren't standing in front of him in his muscle tee, wearing nothing underneath it like you didn’t do this on purpose. like you don’t know what it fucking does to him.

his eyes squint suspiciously, deep vermillion staring straight into yours.

you tilt your head, the tips of your lashes kissing the top of your cheekbones as you blink. you reach for a bottle of honey.

“everything okay?” you ask, voice syrupy, sickeningly sweet.

your movements play in front of him languidly, the corner of your lips curling up slightly as you smirk. honey catches on your finger as you pop open the bottle cap.

he’s supposed to be out the door in five minutes if he wants to make it in time for a meeting at the agency. technically, he should already be there if he wants to keep up his track record of consistently being fifteen minutes too early.

but you start to approach him, rounding the kitchen island. there’s a narrow space between him and the slab of marble, but you slide into it like it was made for you.

he’s certain it was, from the way the tip of your nose brushes against his as you tiptoe. your tits are right fucking there, brushing against the skintight material of his suit.

there’s too much fucking fabric if you ask him, between cotton and spandex.

your grin widens, and he feels hot, the heat from his cheeks radiating.

then you whisper, still saccharine, “breakfast is ready,” before kissing him on the lips lightly. a short peck, soft in the way that promises more before you slip away, giggling in your retreat.

he huffs, watching you leave. his feet shift as he thinks.

five minutes, huh?

like hell he’s going to eat these damn pancakes for breakfast today.

[egophiliac]

we were fucking ROBBED

[four-pointed-leaf]

happy pride month

[heartorbit]

find another role, carry on the show

[wormsdyke]

hey have you guys heard of that movie. yeah the obliterating masterpiece on trans identity