#And she just needed to be around people who fully understood her and loved her for her to open up | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

namfinessed · 11 months ago

Text

untitled - j.jk.

genre: angst, fluff (firstlove! slowburn!) (11.5k)

summary: jungkook was your first love but first loves were supposed to end, they were supposed to be a fond memory to look back on but your first love never leaves your life, nor does he stay in it.

note: this is inspired from my first love <3

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even if years, ages, and places separate you, maybe you’ll love jungkook all over again every time.

you had met him in school, in college, on a different continent but he never stayed in your life for too long, and you hadn’t stayed in his either.

but now that you believe you wouldn’t see him again, only because you were standing next to your soon-to-be-husband, you believe your never-pausing story needed to be told.

and oh, would you look at that? it seems like jungkook has entered the venue to hear it too.

it was the 9th grade when you first met him.

it was simple and so innocent.

you had your new school bag resting behind you, and your shoulders kept knocking against your sisters as the bus drove on the road and abruptly stopped at a place that it never did before; down the lane from your home.

you curiously looked out and heard your bus manager faintly mumbling something about a new student joining the bus.

and there he was, a head full of bouncy hair and a smile that wasn’t exactly present. even as he walked the length of the bus with his head down, he didn’t give off insecurity, it was more like he avoided looking at most people.

he sat down, right behind you, his legs stretching could be seen under your seat and you didn’t look back just yet. you had no idea why.

your sister, sunny, turned around, hand clasping the seat, and eagerly asked, “you’re in B section, aren’t you?” your ears perked up at that, and you subtly leaned in to listen to him.

why you had been curious at all about someone whose face you hadn’t seen, is something that was beyond you but you were consumed inside out with curiosity from the beginning.

he nods at your sister and doesn’t offer another word but when you tilt your head to look back, you see him looking right at you.

that’s when it all began, there were no words at all, just a boy who hadn’t looked at anyone but looked at you as if he could draw you the very next second.

your sister, ever the extrovert, talked to jungkook every day, they laughed and made fun of each other, you smiled at their conversations but never contributed yourself. you listened though, and you listened well.

by week two, you knew how he sounded when he was bored.

you knew how his voice hitched when he was excited.

you knew how his voice would get low whenever he pulled a sarcastic joke on your sister.

jungkook’s eyes would dance to the back of your head, wrapped neatly in a ponytail every single morning, to see if you would turn back, to see if he could catch a glance of those small smiles you let out sometimes but most days, he would just talk loud enough for you to hear about him.

he never understood why he had wanted you to listen, but he couldn’t tell you anything directly, and he wanted to look cool, sound cool, make jokes in a cool way, in a way that would make you laugh and once he got home, he always felt ridiculous for feeling that way.

and then, as if a miracle, your sister didn’t come to school one morning, jungkook could see you alone, ponytail brushed back as always, school bag resting on your thighs, and felt a stabbing need to hear your voice, talking to him.

he settled behind you, legs stretching again and his fingers danced on his thighs as he thought of a way to talk to you, just then your head tilted slightly, as if you were trying to catch a look at him and jungkook felt his smile burn into his skin.

“why did sunny not come today?” you jumped as he fully leaned on the back of your seat, your eyes drifted to his face, “she’s not well.”

those were the first words you had ever spoken to him.

“why is she not well?” was not his best, but he needed to keep it going.

sunny was on her period.

“stomach ache,” you murmured, ignoring how his eyes twinkled with each word that escaped out of you. you hadn’t believed that eyes could twinkle up until that day, but then again you think you’ve never seen jungkook’s eyes twinkle with anyone else.

“she must’ve eaten something bad, didn’t she? she seems the type to be careless like that,” jungkook snickered and your face grew red hot, “what she eats or doesn’t eat, isn’t any of your business.”

your tone, your eyes narrowing sharply to glare at him, was a sight jungkook would get used to later, but for now, he didn’t know how to react.

he was taken aback that you had gotten so serious over a simple joke, then it clicked to jungkook that you were one of those oddly protective people. nothing else could explain your red cheeks and furrowed eyebrows.

and he grew giddy.

you were oddly protective.

a new thing he got to learn about you because he had conjured up the courage to start a conversation.

“my bad,” he shrugs into his seat, and his nonchalant response makes you feel guilty, so you sigh and turn back fully to face him.

that was the first time you saw him straight on, with no sideway glances, no peripheral view of him, just his face and nothing else.

“you have adam sir for physics too, right?”

it was something you picked up from the multiple conversations you overheard.

“um yeah?” he wasn’t sure where you were going with this, “does he come into your class with chalk on suspicious places too?”

you were talking about your dear adam sir who constantly came to class with chalk all over the front and back of his pants crotch area, everyone but adam sir himself knew about his crotch chalk.

and jungkook laughs out loud, “oh my god, yes, i don’t know whether to be horrified or mildly impressed with his lack of self-awareness,” and you laughed too.

when you stopped and looked at him once more, he was already looking at you and the smile on your face didn’t break until you reached home.

it was normal now, you and sunny would turn around, talk to jungkook until you reached school, and then wait for the evening, when you could talk to him until you reached home.

you were quick to anger, he noticed.

you often fought with guys in your grade with a rage that both scared and fascinated jungkook.

you were calm with people you liked, you were fun with people you liked, you were passionate about things you believed in.

you always were a bit frustrated with him, but you still laughed at his jokes.

he was sarcastic, you noticed.

he had no interest in most things.

he didn’t like drama but always knew everything about everyone.

he always looked at you after he made a joke, as if to check if you thought it was funny, if you thought he was funny.

and you would always laugh, he would always feel a seed of pride in him whenever you turned away, hiding your laughing face in your palms.

you knew he liked you; you weren’t oblivious or stupid.

you’re not sure who he told or how it even came out, but suddenly, everyone around you knew about it.

the rumors started a month after you talked to him, you had known him for six weeks which felt like six years, but you didn’t like him back.

he knew that you didn’t like him back.

but that didn’t stop him from trying to look cool to you.

something his friends never let him succeed at.

on children’s day, you were allowed to wear anything besides your uniform, and that was a very exciting thing then, you always wore your best outfits because your mom believed in looking good and feeling good.

you were standing in the middle of the ground, waiting for your friends to come back from getting food when someone tapped swiftly on your shoulder, it was one of jungkook’s friends, smiling at you as if he knew you. you didn’t know the guy; you only knew he was jungkook’s friend.

“hey, could you take a photo for us?” he mused, you almost said no, but then you peeked around him, to see jungkook with his very huge group of friends, he wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at everything but you.

it confused you.

his friend’s smile got wider when he noticed you staring at jungkook, you ignored him and took the phone dangling from his hands, you watched as they all got closer and started smiling.

jungkook’s smile was so small, so invisible, so you yelled, “smile everyone!” and you tried not to smile too when his smile took over his entire face until you couldn’t see anything else.

“thanks,” his friend came and took his phone, jungkook left, eyes glancing over his shoulder where you stood, an unavoidable warmth spread through your fingers.

but you didn’t like him.

not the way he liked you.

right?

“he likes you, he told his friends and well, they told my friends, who told me,” sunny rambled beside you, shifting through her closet and you didn’t know what to say, “do you like him?” she turned around to you, eyebrows raised as if she judged you a little if you did, and you shrugged.

“no, how can anyone like him?”

you had people who admired you, liked you even, but very few were honest or brave about it.

so, when the sister of a guy who you thought was only your friend, knocked on the window of your seat, you were confused. she smiled, “this is for you,” she pushed a letter, bracelet, and chocolate into your hands once you opened it, running away before you could ask anything.

you saw your friend peeking from the corner of a bus, watching your reaction to his confession, you looked away and shoved the letter and bracelet into the front pocket of your bag.

jungkook watched the whole exchange silently, a strange jealousy settled in his stomach as he looked out the window to glare at your friend, who sadly only had his eyes on you. then, he watched you and tried to understand what you felt from the back.

it wasn’t easy.

his friend gasped and howled next to him, “she got a letter, bro” he teased jungkook loud enough for you to hear, jungkook waited for you to turn around and tell his friend to shut up and mind his own business.

but you didn’t, you didn’t get angry like you usually did.

you were hyper-focused on the bracelet resting in your bag, and jungkook scoffed at it, he could do better, he won’t, but he could.

“she got a letter and you’re still just sitting here,” his friend tutted at him and jungkook shrugged his friend’s arm around his shoulder, scowling at him.

you rested your head on your window and closed your eyes, letting the warmth of the sun penetrate you.

when it was just the two of you on the bus, he leaned forward, “he wrote you a letter?”

“yeah, he did.” it was embarrassing to tell jungkook for some reason, it felt like cheating, receiving a letter from someone else when he was right behind you, though none of those feelings held any validity.

“he gave you a bracelet and chocolate? that’s just childish,” he snickered and expected you to laugh with him but you didn’t, “we’re still kids,” you mumbled instead, and jungkook straightened.

“do you like him?”

“no.”

“do you like anyone?”

“no.”

“why?” he stood with his bag in his hands, the bus waiting for him to get down and you didn’t notice his nervous stammer then, you were too confused by the bracelet and chocolate in your bag.

“i just don’t.” he nodded and left.

you kept the letter and bracelet in your school memories box.

somewhere jungkook knew that you knew, but he was always grateful that you acted like you didn’t know.

but it was unbearable for him.

seeing your swaying ponytail every morning, hearing your laughter ring in his ears at times when you weren’t even around him, driving by your house a few fifty times a day to see if you were talking in the balcony sometimes because you did that sometimes, sometimes it felt to jungkook that you did it for him.

sometimes you did it for him, for him to see you.

why?

no one knows.

you and jungkook were friends, only friends.

you and him were friends, but you never talked when others besides sunny were around, your conversations were yours and his, and no one else’s.

you weren’t sure that was how friendships worked, but you thought maybe friendship with jungkook worked this way.

he had your number but he never called, you had his number but you never called.

but one day, right before your final exams started, your phone rang and your heart stopped when you saw his name flash on your screen, you stared at the screen until your phone stopped ringing and didn’t touch your phone until it was night.

you opened it to several messages from jungkook and none of them were about school or the annoying kids on the bus or his annoying friends or your annoying friends.

jungkook: i like you.

jungkook: i think you know that. but i wanted to tell you.

jungkook: i know that you don’t like me, but i like you and i’ve tried to avoid it, but i see you every day, and i can’t avoid you, i can’t avoid how i feel.

jungkook: if you somehow like me, reply to this, if you don’t, don’t. just act as if nothing happened when we see each other tomorrow.

you couldn’t study anymore that night.

the next day, you turned back with sunny and talked to him as if nothing happened, you complained about your syllabus, he laughed that he didn’t even open his books, and sunny bragged that she finished everything and helped him with some important topics.

you ignored the pull in your heart at how openly his affection showed in his eyes now when he looked at you, his sentiment was simple, he had said his bit, and he had nothing to hide anymore but you grew heavy on that seat in front of him, you had everything to hide.

sunny squeezed your hand as you looked out the window.

she knew what happened.

your eyes filled with affection too, gave it away.

why did you never tell jungkook that maybe, just maybe, just a small part of you, a part of you that you wanted to destroy, liked him too?

you never understood why your sentiment cowered under layers whereas his laid naked in the world.

and middle school for you, high school for him, came close to ending by the time you ever confronted your feelings.

it was the last day for middle schoolers, you had a whole event thing in the school and dressed up accordingly, you had gone to school with your dad.

but once the day ended, you got onto the bus with a shirt full of your classmates' signatures and notes, you were a little late and flushed from the sun, you plopped down on your seat and fanned yourself.

sunny pulled the scribbled shirt from your hands, “god, you really filled it up,” you pointed to each signature and note, explaining who it was from, and when a huge note from some guy in the class who liked you came, sunny teased you and jungkook glared at the back of her head.

but a knot of sadness formed in his throat, he wouldn’t see you every day after this, he wouldn’t see you sleep on the bus, he wouldn’t hear the r-rated jokes that you whispered to sunny, thinking that no one could hear, he wouldn’t hear you silently cry after a bad day.

to jungkook, today felt like the end of a lifetime.

then you turned around, with tired eyes and a shy but carefree smile, you extended the shirt to him and said, “write something good, jungkook.” he felt as if he was going to fall off his seat.

his name in your voice was something he would remember for years to come.

he asked for a pen because of course, jungkook didn’t carry a pen in his bag that had one notebook, you scoffed and gave him one and he thought for very long.

i love you, felt wrong to write on a shirt that was littered with other people’s love for you.

and as he read each note, jungkook suddenly felt small, so many people loved you, much better people than him, he couldn’t even write anything as a goodbye to you whereas others wrote whole paragraphs.

he wrote something quickly, under your watchful and expectant gaze, and handed the shirt back with a weak smile.

‘be happy, always. jk’ looked back at you and you couldn’t help but laugh at his small handwriting next to everyone else’s. you didn’t notice his dejected posture, nor his distracted gaze out the window.

“really? that’s all?” you said with a teasing smile, extremely amused by his words and he shrugged at you, playing with his hands.

but he felt it when your smile dimmed and you turned around with a silent huff, he felt even smaller as he got down from the bus, craning his neck to see you and your yellow dress, for the last time in the bus that held all his adolescent love.

you didn’t look back at him.

your exams ended, you joined high school in a different part of the city, jungkook joined college in a different part but his home remained down the lane from yours.

you didn’t see him as much anymore, you only saw his car drive by through your window, but he did message you whenever he could, even if you didn’t see each other, you knew every person he knew, he knew every overbearing teacher you hated, you knew every class he skipped and that he started smoking, and he still knew just how to make you laugh to make you forget about the pressures of high school.

and calling him a friend, in the midst of all that, felt wrong, it felt so wrong, you were so alone in your high school, and he was the only tie to your familiar and comfortable past, so you confessed.

it wasn’t anything grand, you knew he liked you back, and you weren’t worried about getting rejected, but still, you held your breath as you typed a message to him.

you: i like you too.

you: it took me too long, didn’t it?

his reply was instantaneous.

jungkook: what.

then, your phone rang loudly, it almost fell from your hands and your mom eyed you suspiciously, you called out a friend's name to appease her and ran off to your room, shutting the door behind you and lifting the call with shaky hands.

“you’re not joking with me, are you?”

“no.”

“so, you like me?” you heard the smile in his voice and let your head fall against the door in a blissed-out sigh.

“i do.”

“really?”

you laughed, “really.”

“really, really?” you couldn’t stop giggling at the barely contained excitement and doubt in his voice, “really, really, jungkook.”

“fuck.” you faintly heard his laugh of disbelief on the other line and stopped yourself from sinking to the floor and talking to him for hours.

“text me, my mom’s awake still,” you mumbled, and he sighed but it was happy, it was out of relief, “yes, ma’am.”

jungkook ended the call with the biggest smile on his face, his back resting on his car, slid down as he tried not to squeal and jump in the air and his friends raised their eyebrows at him.

“what happened to you?”

“she told me she likes me,” he mumbled, the words feeling so much like a lie on his tongue but it was true, it was finally true, and even if he didn’t say the name, his friends knew exactly who it was, “holy shit, really?” they crowded around him and started demanding for details but he brushed them all off.

“i have to go, i have to text her, i can’t do that when i drive, you guys will get back by yourself right?” he didn’t wait for their reply as he got into his car and started the engine, all he heard before pulling away was, “that lucky bastard.”

and he was, he was the luckiest man in the world.

turns out, jungkook was the luckiest man in the world for a few moments only. you were so sweet sometimes that he wanted to wax poetry about you, but he had expected that after your confession, you could date, he could call you his girlfriend, and you would go out to the movies, he would feed you popcorn and your head would rest on his shoulders.

but.

“i just think labels aren’t necessary,” he tried not to frown too deeply as your voice swam into his ears, “what do you mean?” he sat up on his bed, phone clutched tightly in his hands.

“isn’t it enough that we like each other? why do we have to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“but why shouldn’t we?”

“jungkook, i don’t know how i feel about making it so…permanent,” on the other end of his phone, your eyes gathered tears because you didn’t know why you were saying the words you were, but the idea of dating seemed so immature to you, too troublesome and dramatic, you just wanted to like him and have him like you.

“are we not permanent?” he was only so young and so innocent; the words left him with a delicate veil of terror.

why weren’t you thinking of forever? you were his forever, was he not yours?

“how could we be permanent? we’re kids,” your nervous laughter twisted his guts but he didn’t say a word, “do you not think of a future with me?” jungkook felt pathetic asking the questions he did.

“it’s not like that jungkook, i like you, of course, i do but shouldn’t we worry about us here in the present than somewhere in the future?”

it made sense to you because you were already apart, he was in college, you were in high school, he smoked now, you hated that, you grew more cynical, he hated that and later, you would only be further apart, who was to say you would stand the test of time?

but i love you, hung on his lips.

he just mumbled, “okay.” he never was okay with it and his disappointment couldn’t have been louder.

“jungkook, i still like you-“ your mom called out to you and your panic rose to your throat, “my mom’s calling, i’ll text you, okay?” and the line went dead.

jungkook fell back on his bed, his head was now heavy with you, he couldn’t help but notice that you kept saying that you liked him.

you never said that you loved him.

you: our school function is on the 26th, this is our chance.

jungkook: are you telling me i finally get to meet my girlfriend?

you: haha not your girlfriend but yes, you finally get to meet the girl of your dreams.

jungkook: emma stone is coming?

you: very funny jungkook, i’ll block you.

jungkook: now don’t go and do that, what will you wear?

you: you will see that day, what will you wear?

jungkook: you will see that day :D

you: so annoying.

jungkook: only to you :]

you: i’m excited to see you.

jungkook: you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting to see you.

at the school, your palms grew clammy as you walked around with your friends, and your dress flowed with you as you walked but you didn’t feel pretty that day. like every other teenager, you had a huge breakout of acne just the night before and you had cried, you didn’t want jungkook to see you like this.

you were sure that he had higher expectations for the girl he liked and while you usually didn’t care about others’ expectations of you, you cared about his.

you knew he was already in the school but you weren’t actively looking for him, you wanted to delay meeting him as much as you could, you didn’t want him to see your face and you didn’t look at your phone.

you let yourself be completely occupied with your friends even if you see him walk by a couple of times from the corner of your eyes. jungkook, on the other hand, just didn’t know how to approach you, he didn’t know if he’d be disturbing your time with your friends or if he’d annoy you by acting too clingy, so he stayed away as well.

sunny observed the whole exchange in bits and pieces and couldn’t believe how ridiculous you two were being. as his friend and your sister, she decided to take things into her own hands.

so, as you laughed and talked to your circle of friends, she pulled on your arm, took you aside, and whispered, “dude, why aren’t you talking to him? he’s been waiting for you.”

“i thought he was with his friends,” you lied, and she sighed, “he hasn’t hung out with them, to make sure he had time with you and i don’t know what is going on with you, but your boyfriend is waiting for you and you need to go.”

“not my boyfriend,” you mumbled as she dragged you around to where he was sitting.

until you saw him, very well-dressed, with shiny shoes, a crisp shirt, and a lopsided grin, none of what you had with him felt real.

but seeing him made it real, it made your love for him take a physical form, you weren’t sure you could handle that sense of reality just yet.

romance, love, affection, all of it was easy through a screen but seeing his finger ridges in real life and wanting to hold them, was hard.

“hey,” he mused, patting the spot next to him and you didn’t sit, you hid your face behind your hair and muttered a greeting, and sunny gagged next to you, “can you please not do this lovey-dovey shit in front of me?”

jungkook was enjoying it though, his girl, not his girlfriend apparently but still his girl, was too shy to see him.

the ever-fierce, angry, witty, and smart girl disappeared and in front of him, was just a girl in love. and even if you never said it, he felt it in the moment.

“okay, i’ll go now,” sunny said, but you grabbed her arm, “stay,” you whispered to her and she geared up to start cursing at you only for jungkook to say, “stay, it’s fine.”

he realized that if sunny was around, you would at least say a few things, because right now, he couldn’t see anything but your hair.

so, sunny stayed.

and they talked, you chimed in, it felt like the first day of talking to him on the bus. jungkook observed that you were a bit more grown up now, a bit taller, only a bit though and a bit softer than when you were in school, and just like he loved the loud, rude, and angry girl, he loved the soft, shy, still angry girl, that he was looking at.

you thought he was looking at you because you looked different, uglier, and that he was contemplating just letting you go.

but that night, when you returned home and texted him, you felt like the prettiest girl in the world.

you: so emma stone didn’t come, how do you feel?

jungkook: heartbroken but another girl made it up to me.

you: oh yeah, how was that?

jungkook: it was like i was seeing her for the first time again.

you: and?

jungkook: she’s more beautiful than i remember her being.

you: jungkook, i had pimples all over, you don’t have to lie to me.

jungkook: you don’t know yourself at all if you think some pimples take away from how beautiful you are.

you: you think so?

jungkook: i spent an hour looking at you, walking here and there in the school, so i’m confident about it.

you: i felt ugly today.

jungkook: that happens sometimes.

you: i don’t feel it anymore.

jungkook: you never should.

it was five days after the function, on new years, january 1st, that you two broke up.

things had been going so well but suddenly, they weren’t.

after the magical night at your school, he hung out with his friends a lot, and he started drinking, you were still too young for all that, and you were dying in your high school with never-ending exams and classes. both of you had forgotten about each other while also thinking of each other every second you could.

you were supposed to meet him on january 1st, in a café that he was raving about called the terrace, you had planned a whole thing so your parents wouldn’t get suspicious, you would go with your sisters to the café and come back with them, but spend all the time there with him.

it wasn’t easy to go behind your parents' back, it always felt like you were betraying them whenever you talked to jungkook but you were also in love, and your parents took a back seat for you on that day.

you waited in the café, and your sisters constantly asked where he was and when he was coming, you told them he would come in a minute or two, which stretched on for hours and the night ended with your sisters giving you pitiful gazes and long, silent hugs.

you came back home with an anger so familiar, so out of your control that you couldn’t see or say anything else.

“where were you?”

“i got drinks with my friends, i was going to leave i promise-“ and you cut the call, you watched your phone ring again and again until it went dead silent.

jungkook: please talk to me.

you: you know how difficult it is for me to come out with my parents watching my every move, you know how much i planned for this night and i did it because you kept blaming me for never going on dates.

jungkook: typing….

you: and when i do plan for a date, you end up going somewhere else?

jungkook: you think i don’t have a life of my own?

you blinked back tears that your anger let escape from your eyes, that was the first time you felt your chest physically hurt.

you: i never said that, jungkook.

jungkook: you know it’s funny because if you weren’t such a coward, maybe i wouldn’t have to beg you to meet me, maybe we would’ve already gone on dates, and today, i could enjoy with my friends the way i want to. you don’t even let me call you, my girlfriend.

you: don’t you dare call me a coward, my parents aren’t easy to deal with.

jungkook: saying that just makes you sound like even more of a coward.

you: if i’m such a coward, maybe you shouldn’t be with me anymore.

jungkook: maybe i shouldn’t, yeah.

you threw your phone aside, you wanted him to say i’m sorry, i fucked up, let me plan the next one, but instead, he was indifferent, as if nothing mattered to him anymore, as if you didn’t matter to him anymore.

you couldn’t picture this man as the same man who looked at you with stars in his eyes and a scary thought passed through your mind, he was madly in love with you only five days ago, and now, he wasn’t.

people could change, and then hurt you, so you vowed to yourself that you wouldn’t let anyone have the power to hurt you anymore.

you: so, we’re done?

jungkook: yeah.

you: please don’t smoke anymore.

jungkook: what i do is none of your business anymore.

and that was that.

you blocked him everywhere and he wallowed in his self-pity for days, you didn’t know how he was, which new people he met, if he smoked two or three cigarettes in a day anymore and he didn’t know about anything going on in your class, or about the new biology subject they introduced or about your friend's antics.

it was like he was never there in your life in the first place.

right after the breakup, you didn’t cry, you didn’t feel anything, you went to high school normally the next day and smiled while telling your friends, “i’m finally single!”

they looked concerned, then they laughed at your indifference to the breakup but your best friend leaned and asked, “are you okay?” and you nodded happily, “of course i am, he’s just a guy.”

but jungkook sadly wasn’t just a guy, he was your first love, your first ever brush with romance.

so, a month passed and you called your best friend.

sitting at the edge of your bed, you told her everything you knew about jungkook, you laughed at how stupid he could be sometimes, and you cursed him out for doing what he did but then, you started crying and you couldn’t stop crying, “i miss him, i miss my friend.”

she listened as you felt your heart finally tear apart inside you.

you knew you couldn’t trust anyone or love anyone again.

this time, it felt like a lifetime ended for you.

two years passed and you didn’t think of him anymore, you weren’t sure if he thought of you, you would only be reminded of his existence when exes and relationships came up in conversations with friends, those always ended with you bitterly cursing him.

you hated him.

the guy who showed you how love felt, was the guy you hated most now.

you moved cities, a better, bigger city and you tried to fall in love again, you did try.

you went on dates with your newly found freedom, you tried to like them and their stories, but the only stories that held any value to you from your youth were with or about jungkook. because you felt every face of your youth, with him.

and you couldn’t possibly talk about your first love with guys whose faces bled into each other until they all became one, and jungkook remained another.

but still, you rarely thought of him.

you didn’t think of him when you went on your first date ever (technically, you never went on a date with jungkook), you didn’t think of him when you called that guy every single night and told him superficial things about you, you never told him things that mattered, you had your first kiss and ended your first ever situationship.

but you weren’t hurt at all. you never gave another person the power to hurt you because you felt it once, and you had no intention to feel it again.

and after months of living in another city, you went back home for a while and your best friend insisted on going to the same café where you were supposed to meet jungkook, on the day of your breakup. it wasn’t her fault that it was the only good café in your tiny city.

you went.

you talked and laughed with your friend.

your phone pinged.

jungkook: you’re at the terrace?

perhaps, you forgot to mention that you unblocked him a while ago, it wasn’t to talk to him of course, it was just to remove negativity from your life (you wanted to feel that young love again).

you: yeah.

jungkook: wait.

you turned to your best friend with wide eyes, telling her that there was a huge possibility that jungkook was coming and she grimaced, she never liked him.

then, he strolled in, hands in pockets, and gave you this smile that covered years of doubt, you always thought he would glare at you and hate you but he just walked in, waved at you, and sat down without saying another word.

seeing him this up close after years of watching him from the corner of your eyes and the tilt of your head, filled you with a breathless excitement because he didn’t change, he didn’t change at all.

“hello, it’s been long,” he greeted you, and then the both of you broke into giggles at his formal tone, “it has been long, yeah.” you replied with a nod, begging for your eyes to hide their reviving affection.

then, you talked.

you had years to catch up on so you told him everything, you told him about your college, your still-horrible teachers, your friends, the new places you’ve explored, and how different everything was in the city you studied.

he listened with a carefulness that you never thought he possessed.

a simple but reckless thought caught you by the throat as jungkook leaned forward and laughed at something you said.

is this how it feels to make someone laugh?

is this how a date with him then would’ve been?

did i just miss out on everything good in life?

then, he told you everything and you listened.

jungkook stuttered multiple times because he had truly forgotten how his body got when you were around, he was suddenly aware of his every nerve, and he was aware of his fingertips that were centimeters apart from you, he was aware of your legs that were right next to his under the table and he was aware of you refusing to look at anyone but him as he spoke.

not even once did either of you acknowledge january 1st from two years ago.

“it’s 6 right now,” your best friend reminded you and you gasped, “already? shit, we have to go,” jungkook’s disappointment fell like water over his head and flooded his shoulders.

“where do you have to go?” he asked, as casually as he could.

“we have to meet another friend, a little bit far from here, so we’ve got to get going,” you said, and jungkook nodded, his car keys twirled in his hands, “do you mind dropping us?”

he almost jumped out of his seat to say yes, but remembered himself and nodded once again, “not a problem at all.”

all three of you were silent as you walked to his car which turned out to be a jeep of sorts, no surprises there and your friend got in the back, you got in the front and buckled your seat belt, your chest compressed a bit more as you tried to wave all of this as something friends did.

you were friends with him, in some way.

he got in as well and you felt twitchy in your seat, your eyes took in the unfamiliar car and jungkook watched as you saw another new thing in his life with boundless curiosity.

“you vape now?” you saw the three vapes thrown in the middle of the seat and he shrugged, “sometimes, you wanna try?” you shook your head, both as a reply to him and to shake away the odd memory of january 1st, when you had begged him to stop smoking.

“do you still smoke?”

“yep.”

you didn’t say anything as your heart sank.

he handed you his phone, as if it wasn’t something that contained everyone’s deepest, darkest secrets, he told you his passcode and let you choose whatever song you liked.

and as you scrolled through his song library, you found many songs that you had recommended to him years ago, “you still listen to these?”

jungkook tensed up, clearing his throat, he answered, “sometimes.”

you didn’t probe any further.

you didn’t play the songs you recommended either, things were weird already.

on the way, jungkook talked to your friend and then you, you talked to him, played all the songs you liked and at every stop sign, you ignored jungkook looking at you with a smile and soft eyes, as you turned to talk to your friend.

when you got down, you had a brief, disgusting thought of asking him to drive you around and just staying in his car to find out everything you missed in two years.

but you didn’t, you got down, you thanked him, he tipped his invisible hat at you and smiled, and you looked away, waving at him.

“not a word from you,” you told your smirking friend as you walked away from his car.

the rest of the night, you dreamed as your friends talked and got loud, you sighed as if you had someone to miss, you checked your phone constantly for any messages from him and sighed again when you didn’t get any.

but at midnight, your phone pinged.

jungkook: never thought i’d see you in my car lol.

you: never thought i’d be in your car.

jungkook: well, i’m always there if you need me.

jungkook: for a ride, i mean.

you: i’m always there too.

you: to give you company in your big, lonely car, i mean.

jungkook: is that so?

you: yeah, good night jungkook.

jungkook: god, good night.

both of you fell asleep with hope brimming in your dreams that night.

so, it started again, you texted every day, you told him everything you did in a day and he did the same for you, he still had this incredible ability to make you laugh when you felt down and you still fascinated him to no bounds.

and days bled into each other, you returned to the city where you studied, feeling a bit more homesick than you had before.

you got to know that he had failed some subjects in class, “how many?” you whispered as if it was a secret that no one should know, you couldn’t imagine failing, and he laughed, “it’s only five, you don’t have to ask like that,” but five failed subjects would’ve given you a heart attack.

he got to know that you started research with your professor, “will i understand even if you tell me what it is?” and you laughed, “i don’t think so,” he would later console you when the professor steals your work, “he sounded like a dick anyway, you deserve a much better mentor,” he pursed his lips when he heard you sniff on the other end, “do you think so?” and he couldn’t believe how little faith you had in yourself, “of course, i do.”

you started talking at night too, and those conversations, well, you never thought you would think of them again because they were so raw and so true and they reminded you of things that you thought you had forgotten.

through a phone, you both laid your hearts bare.

“have you been with anyone after…” his voice was rougher than you remembered, as if age and life had worn it down but both of you were still so young.

you weren’t as young as you once were though.

“yeah, one guy. and you?” you twisted the necklace resting on your collarbones as you asked him slowly, you didn’t want to know but you also wanted to know.

“a couple of people, yeah.”

“oh.” your disappointment was only felt by the four walls holding you in your room.

“none of them worked out though…none of them felt real,” jungkook bounced the smiley face foam ball in his hand as he stared up at the wall.

you didn’t know if he said that to console you or if it was just how things went.

“why not?”

“well, it all got so physical, there was no love or affection, i mean i didn’t feel it at all,” and you sucked in a breath, trying not to let jealousy coat your tongue when you spoke, “physical, huh.”

“don’t say it like that,” he laughed, sitting up on his bed, “these days, that’s how it goes, it shouldn’t but yeah, i guess sex just takes a front seat in relationships now.”

you didn’t want to talk about sex with jungkook, you didn’t want to know who he did it with.

“maybe.” you answered dismissively and he laughed again, “ey why are you being so awkward about it? it’s a natural thing,” and you groaned in embarrassment, “can we change the subject?”

“of course,” you sighed out in relief, “tell me, have you done anything at all?” you wanted to hit him through the phone and you let him know that, “i’m going to hit you, i swear to god, jungkook.”

“you gotta catch a flight for that now, so” he whistled into the phone and you didn’t fight the smile growing on your face, there were no witnesses except the darkness in your room, you were free to do whatever.

“i’ve only had my first kiss,” and jungkook regretted asking the question.

he had always thought he would be your first kiss.

“oh yeah?” he asked, no longer interested in knowing but for you, because it was already out, you wanted to share more with him, as a friend, so you kept going, “yeah, it was in a car,” your first kiss wasn’t bad, honestly it was everything anyone would want in a first kiss.

after saying that, you realized how dirty kissing in a car sounded, so you gasped and corrected, “but it was just a kiss, nothing else happened.”

jungkook shook his head, smiling into his phone, you still sounded so young, so much like the girl he fell in love with, “you don’t have to explain anything to me or anyone, you know that right?”

“right.” you breathed out, scolding yourself for overreacting.

“but, you know,” he said, in a softer tone, as if his next words contained magic, “yeah?” you whispered, your fingers now clutching your locket with all your strength.

“i love what we had,” and your breath hitched, your eyes filled with tears, and your adolescence that loved him reared its head again, “our love was so pure.” he continued, sighing into the phone as he turned over in his bed.

he never loved anyone the way he loved you, he didn’t even know he was capable of so much love until he met you and jungkook gave up on feeling it all again.

he waited for your reply with bated breath, not knowing if he went too far.

“it was.”

he smiled again; his heart filled with something that he tried to push away.

“don’t you have class tomorrow?” he asked, glancing at the clock that shined bright with 3:34, and you yawned, “it’s fine, keep talking.”

jungkook bit his lip to stop himself from squealing in happiness, you wanted to stay awake just to talk to him, “still, we have tomorrow, we can talk later, you go and get some sleep.”

and there was silence for a few seconds before another yawn came from you, “you know what, you’re right but we’ll talk later,” you said, a bit dazed from how sleepy you were.

“i’m always right,” he snickered and you scoffed, “whatever, good night, jungkook.”

“good night.”

you couldn’t stop thinking of his voice saying that your love was pure even when you dozed off and he clutched his phone to his heart, he could only wait for tomorrow to come sooner.

it was nice, not knowing exactly what you guys were or acknowledging your past, it was nice to pretend that you had never hurt each other in the first place. and many days passed by with both of you together, but not together.

“what did you do today?” you hummed into the phone as you fell onto your bed, you heard shuffling on the other side, and then noises, “uh i’m out right now,” his voice came in gargled and broken.

“oh, okay.” somehow, even if you tried to not think of it, you thought of how he never showed up to what would have been your first-ever date because he was out.

“i’ll call you later, is that alright?” he sounded like he was screaming over the sound and you couldn’t help but feel dejected, even if you had no right to feel that way now, “yeah, sure. have fun, good night.” you tried your best to sound perky and the call ended.

what were you even doing?

how did you think that talking to your ex would go or end well?

and why were you even still talking to the guy who broke your trust in people?

you rolled around on your bed, not being able to fall asleep, and not wanting to stay awake either, eventually, you gave up and read a book until you dozed off.

when you woke up the next day, there were no texts or calls from jungkook the way he’d promised he would. you threw your phone aside and got ready for the day.

then you woke up the day after, still nothing from him. and the day after, the day after that, and many days which you spent frustrated and alone.

you should’ve known how it would end with him.

jungkook: hellooo (4:40 pm).

you: hey (8:30 pm).

jungkook: busy day? (9:00 pm)

you: pretty hectic, yeah. (10:30 pm)

jungkook: call? (11:04 pm)

you: i’m pretty tired, another day? (11:10 pm)

jungkook: tomorrow? (11:24 pm)

you: another day. (11:37 pm)

jungkook: okay, good night. (11:45 pm)

you: good night. (12: 20 am)

jungkook: typing…

he threw his phone away.

you weren’t sure exactly how it happened but soon, there were no messages or calls from jungkook, you heard from sunny that he shifted from the home down your lane but you didn’t bother texting or calling him either, you held your head high during the day and missed his voice in the night.

after a couple of weeks of minimal communication, you returned home with a nervous smile on your face, you hoped no one in your house noticed how often you checked your phone or how you sometimes talked to yourself in the darkness of your room.

you went back to the same café, again it was no one’s fault that there wasn’t a better café in your city, you sat across your best friend, sipping on your hot chocolate and nodding to whatever she said, trying not to avert your gaze to your surroundings.

you’re sure you saw jungkook outside, but you’re not sure if he saw you and a nervous pit sat in your stomach at the thought of seeing him again.

why did meeting him feel like the first time every single time?

you shook your head, leaning in to hear your best friend until she got up to use the restroom, you leaned back on your chair and let out a sigh.

you couldn’t even enjoy some good brunch without thinking of his ridiculous face.

then, the door opens and you pay no mind to it, you scroll through your phone, liking and watching reels and then someone sits next to you, and your eyes immediately snap up to tell them to fuck off.

but then your eyes melt.

“hey,” jungkook smiles, one of his cheeks pressed against his fist that propped him up and you almost smile back, you almost forget everything again.

the calls he never made, the texts he never sent, how he acted suddenly too busy for you, the invisible rejection, you were ready to forget it all, but you couldn’t bring yourself to be okay with that.

“is it easy for you?” he sits up, his smile wavers a bit, “what do you mean?”

“is it easy for you to act like nothing happened? like we never fought and broke up?” you didn’t recognize your voice; it came out so stern but you felt so weak.

“but nothing happened, sure we broke up, but that’s a normal thing, everyone goes through breakups and ends up as friends.”

“are we friends?”

he does not answer, he looks away instead at the painting of a dog on the wall.

and your anger almost runs you over.

“jungkook, are we friends?”

“…yeah.” he hesitates, jungkook feels his heart in his throat as you stare at him with so much disappointment and so much hurt, he never knew that you cared about the breakup, he had always thought that you would’ve moved on very quickly but the tears flashing in your eyes proved him wrong.

he didn’t know what to do with the fact that you were hurt during the breakup, he only pitied himself and thought of himself but he never stopped to think that maybe you had enough love for him, to feel hurt too.

“as my friend, i need to tell you something then,” you gathered your courage, you were going back tomorrow so you wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of it.

“go on,” he bit his lips and tapped his fingers on the table, and your friend walked back in, she raised her eyebrows at his figure sitting next to you and then looked at you with both concern and a thousand questions.

you stared at her with pursed lips and she nodded, grabbing her earphones, putting them on, and sitting across from you, head and eyes turned away from your conversation.

“i think i started liking you again,” you still liked him, “somewhere in the middle, i got a bit confused and my feelings grew again.” you watched his reaction with careful eyes, he only looked back at you with blinking eyes.

“but i don’t like you,” came his reply, and you sucked in a breath, heartbreak fresh as ever settled in your chest.

then, why did you call me at night and tell me our love was pure?

“i know, that’s why i said it in the past tense, i don’t feel that way anymore,” but you did, you just couldn’t do anything about it anymore.

“well then, that’s good, right? we can go back to being normal.” he clapped his hands with a joyous smile that made you want to rip his head off, “no, i don’t think i can do this anymore.”

his hands fell and so did his smile, his ego returned and put a scowl on his face.

“can you make a decision here?” he thought back to all the times you corrected him when he called you his girlfriend and his annoyance grew above his head.

“i am making a decision here, don’t get snappy with me” you spat back at him, your mind flooded with every time he led you on and hurt you, “i can’t do this confusing shit with you anymore, i don’t think we can ever be friends and i don’t see a point in trying to force it.” you huffed out, falling back on your seat.

“so, we just never talk again?” he mumbled, you couldn’t read his face anymore.

“i guess so, yeah,” another lifetime of yours flashed before your eyes as he nodded, pushing the salt and pepper shakers on the table, and then he got up abruptly.

please don’t run, please make me stay this one time, you tried to beg without saying a single word.

“then, let’s do that,” jungkook nodded at you again, he nodded at your friend and left the chair as it was before he ever came.

once again, it felt like he never existed in your life before this.

“are you okay?” your best friend’s earphones were now neatly folded on the table, and you nodded furiously, “of course i am, he’s just a guy.”

years passed again.

he cleared his subjects from what you’ve heard, you were done with your degree, on time unlike him, from what he’s heard and jungkook was on another step of his life again.

he stared at the unfamiliar faces in his class with resignation and sighed to himself, jungkook kept lifting and dropping his phone at every notification and groaning every time he saw it was from his life insurance, his one message remained unread.

jungkook: i start my master's today. (5:00 am)

he stared at the message until his eyes grew blurry, it was noon now and you hadn't seen it, intentionally of course, and just when he put it down one more time, he heard a ping.

you: good luck. (11:45 am)

he stared at it until he grew annoyed and deleted the entire chat.

you were going to america to study, it had taken a lot out of you in preparation for it and after hugging your parents and family goodbye and crying for hours in the airport, you pulled out your phone and nervously hovered over his profile. you started typing with dried-up tear streaks on your face.

you: i’m going to america today.

jungkook: really?

jungkook felt uneasy about the sudden large distance between you two even if you hadn’t spoken in ages.

jungkook: all the best.

jungkook: be happy, always.

you bit your lip as you looked away with a quivering chin and tears lined your eyes again, you deleted the entire chat too.

a year into being on a new continent, you felt all kinds of homesickness and excitement for your new home still, you worked harder than you ever had. and as bad as it sounds, you had forgotten that you once knew a boy called jungkook or that you ever loved him with your entire being.

he had become a thing of the past, something you never talked about anymore even if your friends brought up exes and relationships, he became a ghost of sorts, and only you could see him now.

you didn’t know what he was up to, if he ever finished his masters or racked up backlogs there too and you didn’t bother yourself by thinking about it too much.

but when it came to jungkook, you didn’t have to think about him to come into your life, he just came and went whenever he wanted.

nothing else could explain why you would find him, of all people in the world, under the neon lights of a house party that you were at, on a different continent.

and you didn’t feel anything, not any residual love or even the desire to be near him, you just felt wary about seeing him again.

he also saw you and gave a nervous smile. you smiled back and disappeared into the balcony.

suddenly, your wariness grew into pain, and your pain grew into a longing that you shouldn’t feel anymore.

you slid down on the wall and brought your knees up to hug them as you laid your head on your thighs and breathed, just breathed.

the balcony door opened again.

you knew who it was. maybe you had hoped that this would happen too, but for now, you didn’t look at him.

you heard his groan as he sat down beside you, his hands and knees almost touching yours.

and that’s when you realize, in all the years you’ve known him, this was the closest he ever came to you.

was this why he had called your love pure then?

because you had never touched each other, but felt each other in every corner of your existence?

“what are you doing here?” you whispered into your legs but he still heard you, “vacation, didn’t think i’d see you here.”

“i didn’t think either.”

“kind of ridiculous, isn’t it?” he laughed with emotion you couldn’t decipher, his warmth bled into you as you leaned on him a bit.

you felt the shape of a cigarette box in his pockets but swallowed your hurt.

after years, maybe you just wanted to touch him and see what it’s like. and he didn’t question your knees knocking against his.

“that we keep running into each other? i’m starting to think you stalk me,” you teased, a small weight of your longing lifted off you.

“oh please, if anything, you are stalking me,” he teased right back, feeling himself ease into this situation with you, just like every other time.

but as nice as it was to be this comfortable, you were still so consumed with questions that haunted you. and there was no one else here, no best friends, no sisters, no parents to worry about, no one but you and him.

“why didn’t you admit that you liked me back then?” you lifted your head to stare at him, there was no malice in your question nor any accusation, just curiosity.

“so, you knew?” he cleared his throat with a sheepish smile on his face, jungkook’s eyes shined the same way they had when you were in that bus, all those years ago.

“you told me our love was pure at 3 am, it wasn’t too hard to understand,” you shrugged, as if saying it out loud didn’t take your entire heart out of your chest.

he shook his head while laughing softly, “always such a smartass,” and you smiled, “you’re just too dumb.”

that’s when he really laughed and the stars of the night came together to light his face up as he threw his head back, you stopped yourself from falling in love again.

“well,” he breathed out, jungkook’s face contorted to become more serious and you knew that whatever he said next took a lot for him too.

“you always felt too big for my love, as if i could give you everything and that still wouldn’t be enough.”

your eyes dropped at their corners.

“what?”

“i don’t know, you were always so passionate, so good to others, so fucking smart and you had your shit figured out, you always told me these things that sounded so magical but i never fully understood them. i knew i couldn’t ever match up to that, even if i loved you with all of me,” he whispered, he clenched his eyes shut to avoid looking at you as he spoke, “i knew that even if i loved you, i couldn’t love you the way someone else could, someone who could love and match up to you.”

“jungkook,” you whispered too but your voice broke, and your throat grew scratchy with emotion.

“i’m telling the truth by the way, when you said you were leaving for america, it took everything in me to not pack a bag and follow you,” then, he opened his eyes and looked at you, you felt like you were back in 9th grade, staring at him with a tilt of your head.

“why did you say you stopped liking me then?” he asked next and waited patiently for you to wipe the corners of your eyes.

“i was always afraid that somewhere i would disappoint you and the idea of our relationship. you liked me so much and i felt that i had to live up to what you liked, otherwise, you wouldn’t like me and i’d be alone again,” you whispered the last part slower than anything else, “that wasn’t your fault though, i guess i was just scared of not being who i thought we would be.”

you sniffed and stared at your feet that lined up with his.

he stayed silent beside you until your sniffs grew louder.

then, he pulled your head over his shoulder and let you cry until the sunrise came and took away everything that the night tried to protect.

you woke up in an empty bed the next morning and when you left, you saw jungkook sitting on the couch, long arms stretching over the back of it, you stopped for a second to see if he’d get up and wrap them around you, to acknowledge all the love he showed you last night, you waited for him to utter a word that would make you stay.

but he only blinks at you.

you run out the door, you don’t know if his voice calling to you was him, or a creation of your deepest, most shameful wishes.

several years passed once more.

you don’t know why you invited jungkook to your wedding, you didn’t know if he would even come, but seeing him enter through the same doors that your now-husband had, pierced you with something sharp. he came up the stage, his eyes never left your face, and stood next to you for a photograph.

you didn’t look to see if he smiled or not. his hands hovered over your waist and your breath got caught in your throat, jungkook handed your husband a bouquet with a polite smile, he looked older, and quieter but his eyes remained shiny as ever.

when he started to pull apart and leave, you grabbed his arm, “stay for dinner, okay?” and he nodded, giving you a playful salute and exiting the stage.

you smiled at your husband and continued to take photos.

at dinner, you and your husband sat next to him as polite hosts would and talked about superficial things; jobs, taxes, work-life balance, and life.

“i think i’ll leave now,” he got up from his seat and you got up too, “i’ll see him off and come back,” you squeezed your husband’s hands which jungkook looked away from.

outside, it was just the two of you again.

“do you love him?” you weren’t shocked at his question.

“i do.” you really do.

“but you never loved me, did you?” he laughed bitterly, but his face held years of hurt and you held back your tears.

“i did.” you really did.

jungkook had been waiting to hear those words for half of his life and now that he’s heard them, he thinks he can let you go now.

“it was not easy for me to invite you.” you admitted with a nervous laugh, your eyes darting down to the gravel road.

“it isn't easy for me to be here,” he loosened his tie around his neck and his voice now reminded you of how old your first love got and how far away you were from the bus where you fell in love.

“but god, after so long,” your voice held every bit of yearning and nostalgia you felt.

a montage of your very young, very long, and very stupid love played in your eyes and you blinked it away.

“it sucks that we didn't work out.” it didn’t just suck, if jungkook told you how he really felt about seeing you with your husband, you would slap him.

he could do better, he won’t but he could.

“maybe we were just supposed to love each other then, you know? maybe it wasn't supposed to grow at all,” you answered, even if you knew it wasn’t entirely the truth, your love growing was out of your control.

but maybe you two weren’t ever supposed to love each other so much, maybe you were supposed to love each other a little and then let it go but both of you had been stubborn, both of you clung onto the innocence of your love, something that you paid the price for, for years.

“i dont know about all that, i just know that our love was-“

“pure.” you told and jungkook smiled, shaking his head, “yes, pure.”

“i still don't know why i loved you so much,” jungkook wondered why it had started, the deep infatuation and affection he held for you, was unnatural.

“i don't either,” you never understood why your lives were entangled for so long.

“will i see you again?” there was no hope in his tone, only a simple question with a simple affection.

“no, i think this is a good ending point, don't you?”

“so i don't get to show off my wife like you showed off your husband?”

“well in that case, maybe we will.” though, you burned on the inside as you imagined another person standing next to him.

“right, maybe we will.”

a silent smile passed between you two and when jungkook left, he squeezed your hands, “thank you for letting me feel love so early in my life. i wish you and your husband well.”

“thank you for loving me so early in my life. i wish you and your future wife well.”

he walked away but he looked back.

please don’t stay with him for too long.

you gave a weak smile.

please don’t find someone else.

and then you separated, another lifetime ended but this time, for the both of you.

1K notes · View notes

repulsiveliquidation · 6 months ago

Text

Reservation || Laia Codina

warnings : smut (18+), fingering, cunnilingus, face-riding, lots of biting, thigh-riding.

summary : Laia goes on a little date with herself to celebrate the win over Brazil in the group stages where she meets a server who catches her eye.

Laia cheers with the rest of the team when they qualify for the quarterfinals. Pumping fists and lots of hugs later, she’s on a bus back to the olympic village with the rest of the girls.

“So what are we doing to celebrate, eh?” Jenni asks, wrapping her arm around Laia as she leans her head on Laia’s.

“I dunno but I need a hot shower before I even think about what to do,” Laia explains and Jenni rolls her eyes playfully, moving to make fun of Cata and her batman mask.

Laia goes on her phone, googling all the best spots for a little quiet wind down spot near the Olympic Village. She finds a quaint little family restaurant that’s away from town, which is sure to be absolutely void of patrons.

The pictures look promising and the local guide reviews are exceptional. As she scrolls through the photos and gets a little excited to try everything, there’s someone in those pictures that catches her eye and she’s hoping they’re there for service tonight. She calls, eager to make a reservation. A girl picks up.

“Bonjour, comment puis-je vous aider?”

“Uh,” Laia starts, remembering she doesn’t actually know anything in French.

“Um, connaissez-vous l'anglais??”

There was a bit of a word she understood; she smiled and nodded to no one in particular though Aitana did look at her friend funny.

“Yes, English!”

“Ah okay! What can I do for you miss…?”

“Laia!” She yells a little too excitedly, “can I make a reservation for one tonight please?”

“Yes, Laia was it?”

“Yes, thank you so much!”

“Of course, see you tonight, merci!”

Laia hangs up and looks quite proud of herself, sinking back into her chair on the bus. She looks out the window, mindlessly daydreaming about the girl she saw in the pictures while the rest of the girls begin to sing songs a little too loudly; before you know it Alexia yells at them to pull themselves together and shut the fuck up so she can sleep.

Of course no one listens to her and they continue to sing, Laia joins in just as they reach the chorus of their fifth Karol G number.

Jenni takes too long in the bathroom before she can fully rest a bit before her little date with herself in the evening. Laia feels a little nervous, unable to rest just a little before she leaves the room. Luckily the weather was nice and she could walk to the restaurant and enjoy the warm sun.

There was a little breeze, leaving her feeling quite refreshed and eager for her little date. Following Apple Maps on her phone, she finds the place rather easily. There were lots of locals out and about in the bars, watching the Olympics with their families.

Laia stood in front of the restaurant, waiting to be seated. There were a few people inside and it smelled delicious, she was quite proud of herself for finding this little gem.

“Avez-vous une réservation?”

”Um,” Laia looked up and saw her. The girl from the pictures. She stares at Laia with a little amused face, smiling bigger when she sees the little blush creep up on the Spainiards face.

“English?” Laia manages, smiling when the server nods and starts to take a menu.

“Does a pretty lady like you have a reservation?”

“Oh!” Laia gasps, “Sí, I mean yes, Laia.”

“Hmm, a pretty face to go with a pretty name. Come with me, you’ve got the best table in the house.”

“Really?”

“Oui, and it’s in my section,” you quip, winking at the deeply blushing Laia.

You pull the chair out for Laia, making sure to push it in carefully. With the menu in front of her, you begin to recommend the best dishes on it.

“What’s the best dish here?”

“Me, but I’m unfortunately not on the menu tonight.”

“Shame.”

“Yes, but our Salade de Chèvre Chaud to start would be lovely.”

“Sí, I’ll do that. And the Ha-chis, um, Parm-men-tier,” Laia tries, chuckling softly when you giggle at her.

“I’ll applaud you for trying but it says Meat Pie right under the French bit.”

“Oh,” Laia looks at the menu then up at you, watching as your eyes get a certain look in them.

“How about dessert?” You ask, leaning in a little closer than etiquettely acceptable.

“I want to keep my options open,” Laia says, her turn to be a little flirty.

“I like that, I’ll go put your order in. Would you like a bottle of wine to go with your meal?”

“Whatever you pick will be perfect.”

You wink at her and walk towards the kitchen, taking a deep breath behind the door. Your friend, Jessie, sees you looking flush and flustered.

“Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?”

“The cutest girl ever just walked in and I’m pretty sure we’re fucking after she has dinner.”

“What gave you that idea?”

“I saw it in her eyes, you know?”

“Maybe it was the delusion.”

“Maybe,” you say matter-of-factly, “she wants to give me an unforgettable night.” You punch Laia’s order into the POS. Jessie rolls her eyes at you and begins to take food that needs to be served and as you walk out to help her, you whisper a little confession to her.

“I’m gonna let her.”

“Here’s your Duck Salad and first glass of wine, enjoy,” you say to Laia, heart melting when she smiles up at you and thanks you in perfect French. You saw her on her phone earlier, mumbling to herself and she was clearly practicing phrases in an attempt to speak to you. When you bring her main, she’s got another nugget of information for you.

“Thank you, the salad was delicious,” Laia tried and when she finished, you were ready to take her home with you.

She finishes the last bits of her mashed potatoes, and since the restaurant is empty, you strike up a conversation. Laia was easy to talk to and was more than interested in talking more with you.

“Where are you from? You’re clearly not French.”

“Spain but I live in England,”

“Oh for work?”

“Sí,” Laia says with her big smile on her face. The boss was out with his lady for the night and since he was your dad, you were allowed to sit with a customer.

Laia offers to pour you some of her wine and you let her, watching your pretty eyes glimmer in the dim restaurant.

“What do you do Laia?”

“I play football!”

“What’s that? Is that an Olympic sport?”

Laia, flabbergasted, begins to sputter and explain the most famous sport in the world to the prettiest girl she had ever seen.

You knew perfectly well what it was and played a little with your brothers but decided that evening that you loved hearing her talk and this seemed like a good way to get Laia to keep talking.

“There’s eleven people on each–why are you laughing?”

“If you asked me to marry you right now, I think I would say yes. Are you always this adorable Laia?”

Laia understandably blushes and begins to stutter again, leaving you in a fit of more giggles. Laia stares at you as you laugh, feeling her heart grow fonder as the night goes on.

“Oh my where are my manners,” you say, standing, “would you like dessert?”

A mischievous grin adorns Laia’s face before she speaks.

“Only if you’re on the menu.”

You return her mischievous grin and vow to make her night worth it.

“That certainly sounds delicious, let me go ask the chef what he can do.”

You come back with her bill and an exciting update on Laia’s pending dessert.

“I get off at ten, wait for me outside?”

Laia nods excitedly, before looking down at the bill. It was zero.

“Wait, no! You don’t need to!”

“Consider it our first date on me,” you lean in and kiss her cheek, “I’ll be right outside,” you tell her before turning around abruptly “Oh! And watch out for Frankie, he likes head pats.”

Laia walks outside and sits along the street, keeping her eye out for anyone that looks like Frankie. Not long after, a fluffy, pearly white cat comes up to her, nudging his head against her shins.

“Debes ser Frankie,” Laia tells him, checking the little collar he had that rang when he sauntered. Laia gives him head pats as instructed, feeling the little guy purr and roll over onto his back for more lovings.

“My my, he normally isn’t that quick to roll over. I knew I was right about you,” you remark, kneeling beside Laia and joining in on giving Frankie affection. He’s more than happy to have two hands on him, mewing his head off in approval.

“My place or yours?”

“Mine isn’t exactly one-night stand friendly,” Laia says quietly, picking at her cuticles nervously.

“That’s okay, mine’s just up the road anyway,” you take her hand and begin walking up the street, the cool late night breeze blowing lightly on your faces.

“You really didn’t need to get my bill,” Laia tells you, smiling nervously at you. You wave in her face and smile, telling her it was your father’s restaurant so really it was on the house.

Your house though was a lovely two bedroom apartment that was in a quiet bit of town with no one around this late at night. There were a few tv’s on and you could barely hear the Olympics replays on them. Walking into your front room, Laia grinned and looked around curiously.

“I love that song,” Laia says quietly, reaching for the record sitting on top of your coffee table. You come around her and put ‘Turn Me On by Norah Jones’ in the player, turning around to face Laia. Her hands find your waist, pulling you closer as yours wrap around her neck. The familiar first verse plays and she makes you dance a little, which pulls a giggle out of you.

Both of you are nervous to make the first move and it’s because you’re both scared. As you ought to be.

“Putain,” you mutter in French before crashing your lips on the Spaniard’s.

The butterflies are replaced with fireworks. The nerves turned into desire. Clothes ripped from bodies and littered all over the floor. There were sirens in the background as breaths quickened. You nearly trip over your carpet when Laia walks you back to your couch.

Her lips are like sweet candy you’ve never tasted before, her skin burning hot to your touch. She kept her hands on your waist, pulling away panting.

“Do you want this?”

“More than anything, Laia.”

She presses her lips to yours again, hands much braver to explore you. The center-back reaches for your bra and unclasps it expertly, taking a breast in her mouth eagerly.

“You’ve –ah fuck–you’ve done this before…” you gasp, back arching into her mouth. She rips her head away from you and you whine, her hand kneading the other breast expertly.

“Sí, one or twice,” Laia responds, a naughty grin on her face. She leaves hickeys all over your chest, suckling softly on your nipple that hardened in her mouth. You whimper, hands tangled in Laia’s hair.

“Eres tan hermosa amor,”

“Fuck, keep talking to me Laia,” you whisper, pulling the Spaniard closer to you. She buries her face in your neck, kissing and sucking while her hands pull your leg over hers. Slender fingers slip into your underwear and a deep giggle rings in your ears when the fingers feel your soaked folds.

“¿Estás tan mojada por un maldito extraño, cariño? Wet for a stranger?”

“Y–Yes,” you whisper, eyes closing tightly as you feel Laia’s fingers slowly rub your clit. Her fingers are gentle but apply appropriate pressure, little shocks of pleasure surge up into your body. She takes your breast back into her mouth and sucks hard, pushing you into a flurry of ecstacy.

“Does that feel good, amor?” Laia asks cheekily, fingers teasing themselves against your pussy. Your hips grind up and down into the feeling, her fingers naughtily pull away. She pushes you up against the armrest of the couch while she kneels before you. Your legs open themselves for her and she smiles, kissing up your legs. Her slightly rough hands send goosebumps all over your skin, breath catching in your throat.

“More…” you beg in French, noticing that Laia immediately understands. Her hands press your hips down and her kisses begin to move higher and higher, closer and closer to your core.

Laia leaves hickeys all over your inner thighs, licking and sucking hard on your skin. You’re all red when she moves to your core, hair slightly tousled. You pull her up and kiss her passionately, tongues exploring each other’s mouths.

“Where do you want me touching you, sweetheart?” Laia asks, hands gliding over your tummy and inner thighs.

“Down there,” you point, feeling a pillow rest behind your head. You fidget and get comfortable, hands aching to take care of your little problem. Laia gets comfortable beside you and shushes you, slender fingers circling your clit again. She’s slow with her movements and nibbles on your ear, feeling your body lean into hers softly.

“Here?” Laia asks smugly, free hand slipping underneath your neck to cradle your head. You nod and your head turns into her neck and you bite a dark hickey under her ear. Laia moans, fingers slipping into your pussy which pulls a groan out of you.

The pads of her fingertips find your sweet spot a little too easily and it sends pure pleasure through your veins. Her palm rubs on your clit and you groan, breath hot on Laia’s neck.

“You look so pretty like this, princesa,” Laia teases, “I bet you’re prettier when you come, no?”

Her fingers inside you make space for a third, your appreciation of being touched goes unnoticed by her; the sound of how wet you are appeals to her ego. She growls in your ear and you gush, arousal sticking to her fingers.

“You’re getting close, sí?”

“Yes, so fucking close!”

“Mmh, been wanting to see you come the moment I laid eyes on you,” Laia whispers into your ear, her hands speeding up inside you. They press right against your sweet spot, eyes seeing blinding white when your orgasm sneaks up on you.

“Fuck!”

You grip her arms and your back arches fully off the bed, her fingers don’t stop till you’re seeing stars. You search for her lips and smash them on yours, taking in her breath and your whines. She pulls away and her fingers fill your mouth.

“Clean them up, that’s a good girl,”

You suck on her digits sloppily, saliva running down her hand and forearm. Your eyes never leave hers, boring deep into her deep brown ones.

“Want you to ride my face,” you whisper. Laia, taken aback, goes wide-eyed and nods slowly, kissing you hard. You lay back on the couch and Laia climbs on top of you. She’s cautious but with a little encouragement from you, she kneels over you and gently sits on your tongue.

Your hands hold her up and she begins to grind down on you slowly. Her jaw slacks and you groan against her clit, licking up all her built up arousal. Her hands grip your hair like you did earlier, hips grinding down harder and faster the more you lick.

Your tongue finds her hole and slips in; Laia groans and bounces just a little to ride it. Your hands however, enjoy kneading her firm ass as they help her grind on top of you.

You’re sure your chin is pruned with how wet she is, fingers coming around her body to flick at her clit. Laia’s eyes find yours and she zeroes in on your gaze as her thighs start to shake. The invisible pull behind her belly button becomes too much to hold in and the moment you feel her muscle tension go away, she comes right on your tongue.

This was not how you saw your night going when you picked the phone at the restaurant but it was a night to remember.

She climbs off your face and grins stupidly, grabbing your face to taste herself off you. She moans and is intentionally sloppy with her kisses, whining when the taste of her lingers on your tongue.

Laia’s eyes go dark and she flips you over. You’re sat on her thigh and her strong hands guide your hips to start moving. Your clit, soaked in even more slick, creates the perfect environment for riding her thigh. Your hips rock slowly, pressing down hard to increase your pleasure.

Your hands wrap around her neck and your face tucked into the side. She whispers dirty things into your ear in Spanish, her deep voice sends chills down your spine; you’re sure you’ve never been more attracted to anyone in your life.

“Such a good girl, making yourself come on me hm?”

“Oui,” you whine, sucking on her neck to make the bruises you left earlier even darker. She spanks your ass and sucks on your breast again, being sure to suckle hard. Your thighs burn but you keep riding, breath unsteady as your second orgasm builds inside of you.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum…”

“Ven por mí, princesa.”

You do, riding her thigh hard and fast. Your thighs shake like hers did, kissing her soft lips messily. You pant into each others mouths, feeling smiles appear on your faces.

“That was awesome,” you tell her, slipping into her arms on the couch. She’s still smiling as she nods, leaning in to kiss you again. She wraps her arms tight around your middle, when the sound of the tv turning on startles the both of you.

“Frankie!” you scream, seeing the pearly white beast standing on the coffee table on the remote.

The replay of the group stage Spain-Brazil game was on. Laia’s face was on the jumbotron.

You look from the tv to the girl whose arms you’re sitting in and see the resemblance. Your jaw drops and your heart rate goes up.

You just slept with the Spanish center-back who was here for the Olympics. An Olympian.

“So when you said your house wasn’t and I quote “...exactly one-night stand friendly,” you were talking about the fucking Olympic village?!”

“Uh, yes?”

“I’m gonna kill you,” you say with gritted teeth, turning around in her arms. She jumps off the couch, leaving you to chase her all over your little apartment. Frankie curls up in the warm spot near the heater and watches you two act like children, tail swishing amusedly.

“How about!” Laia says breathlessly when you corner her in the kitchen, still stark fucking naked, “I’ll get you tickets to the quarterfinals and take you out on a proper date, my treat, to make it up to you?”

“I want a kiss for every goal your team scores at the end, tell Alexia and Jenni they better get to scoring if you want them.”

“Deal.”

Laia got a total of six kisses broadcasted on the very same jumbotron at the Colombia game, but the sight of you in her jersey was just as good if not better than the picture of you two kissing that was pinned on the wall at your parents restaurant.

#laia codina #laia codina x reader #laia codina smut #woso community #woso x reader #woso #woso imagine #arsenal wfc x reader #arsenal wfc #woso imagines #woso one shot #woso smut #woso fanfics

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bamgyw · 8 months ago

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˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ c.bg; six nights ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

summary: six nights of emo boy gyu sneaking into your room without your daddy knowing. aberrational catholic guilt ridden catcher in the rye wannabe porn document. afab reader x softdom!beomgyu. warnings: everything, unfortunately. minors dni. heavy smut ahead. lots of pretentious writing, too. catholic guilt and imagery. abusive behaviour, parental neglect. drug use. violence. everyone is sad. i’ll keep on updating part-specific tags. index: prologue: the house of god, first night, second night, third night, fourth night, fifth night, sixth night, dawn of the seventh.

prologue: the house of god

when daddy wanted to hide something from you, he would turn to his beloved bible. and ever since you turned fourteen, he had been holding on to a passage that he would repeat to you every night before going to sleep:

"let no one say when tempted, "i am being tempted by god," for god tempts no one. but each person is tempted when lured by his own desire. then desire gives birth to sin, and sin brings forth death."

that is the only sex talk your daddy ever gave you. it was more of a sex mantra than a talk, or a warning, or even a prohibition. just a rule of nature that he wanted you to have engraved in your mind: desire is sin, and sin is death.

when daddy didn't want you to do something, he'd blame the rule on god. and there's little you could say against that.

as you grew up, you realised that god might not be real, but daddy most certainly was. a punitive, disciplinary god. and one feels much more compelled to obey divine rule when god lives under your roof. when you can touch him, and he can touch you.

when god lives in your house and his wrath can tear your flesh apart not in hell, not in heaven, but in this life; you become more cautious than the most devoted of christians. so even when everyone in your grade started drinking, dating, having sex; you had it very clear that the priority was to protect yourself. not from the dangers of drinking, dating, or sex; but from daddy, that is to say, from god.

none of your friends from school understood it, that the fear of god was not irrational. you had scars and bruises that god had given you which you could perfectly show them. but then daddy would get in trouble. besides, he wouldn't like you showing your body around.

none of them could ever understand what living with god was like, so they were the kind of people who would ask that stupid question; if god loves us, why does he hurt us?

the first person to understand god was a boy called choi soobin.

daddy had remarried choi soobin’s mom the year before you started college. she was a beautiful woman, lively and hopeful to start a second life after becoming a widow. it must be thrilling to get a chance at a second life when your first one has gone wrong. soobin’s mom could have been very happy in another universe. you felt sorry that she had stepped into daddy‘s trap.

you had always wondered how daddy had managed to get a woman like her. bright, cultured and affectionate. but then you figured that maybe, as he was god, he didn't necessarily need to be yahweh, or elohim. he could also be zeus and disguise himself as a swan to kidnap and rape leda.

you found out later that soobin‘s mom had never fully recovered from the passing of her first husband, and she often suffered from major depressive episodes. daddy saw that void in her, and her urgency to fill it. he forced himself into the hollowness of the void, and obstructed her veins, bones, and heart with the word of god.

soon enough, soobin’s mom had no limb or internal organ she controlled herself. she had once had colours, you remembered; rosy cheeks, a hazel head of hair, lips tinted with vibrant red. but daddy had turned her grey.

soobin’s mom had been kind enough to see the good sides of daddy, you had liked her for that. but you regretted that she hadn't learned to hide her colors so that daddy couldn't steal them away, like you did.

she became a shadow of herself, an almost non-verbal phantom trapped between the real world –that is, the confines of daddy's house– and the world of hopeful prayers and the salvation of soul.

the boy called choi soobin would never forgive daddy for that. but it was alright. you understood. in a sense, he had killed his mom. you had to love daddy because he had created you, but you didn't think choi soobin was obliged to.

people said choi soobin had changed, too. that he used to be a gentle kid, polite and sweet, but he had turned hostile. that, like most teens, he had become self-absorbed and belligerent without a cause or that he had gotten those adolescent mood changes so late in his life because he was an attention seeker. people say things like that when they don't understand what living with god is like.

you were the only one who didn't believe daddy when he said that soobin had a demon inside. you knew better than that, you knew that daddy saw demons everywhere. but soobin’s own mom believed it. when daddy tried to exorcise the demon away from soobin with fist and blood, she looked away.

all that soobin had wanted by acting up against daddy was to save his mom. to bring her back from the dead. but after that betrayal, he stopped trying.

soobin had never been violent towards you, though. not once. not even mean. you were the only one who understood him, the only one who told him he wasn't evil. you knew that god's tyrannical rule could break a person, fill them with hate. and so soobin and you became close, often talking against god. every whispered defamation, every blasphemy, the danger of it felt so exciting. not because of the mischievous sin, or because of the disobedience, but because you felt like you could speak your mind at last.

your first kiss was soobin. you felt loved when it happened, something you realised you weren't used to. the feeling bloomed throughout the following week as you hid from god's watchful eye to be together.

soobin told you a hundred times that you were the most beautiful girl in the world, kissing all over your face, clasping you as close to him as he humanly could. he would sneak his hand under your skirt and whisper, "don't think about him right now. it's just you and me." and though his touch never went very far in the magnitude scale of sin and punishment, it was enough to breathe a new life into you.

you sensed that a big part of why soobin wanted you so bad was because he got turned on at the idea of defying daddy, and groping his holy daughter was the greatest offence he could commit. but that was alright. you felt the same way. and you hoped that that hate-induced lust would turn into love, in time. you could then be happier, even in the house of god.

or you could have been happier. because god is omnipresent. and he would soon act to see you separated. the blossoming flower was brutally ripped from the soil.

when daddy found out, he locked himself into the master bedroom with soobin one morning and didn't let him go until the sun began to hide. soobin left that room broken and dead in life, just like his mom, but he didn't have one single bruise. maybe daddy really was god, after all.

soobin never talked to you again. spoken, yes, but it was hollow. you never felt loved again. you learned a lesson that day: your pleasure brings pain to everyone around. the mantra became true. desire is sin, and sin is death.

so if there was any need left in your body to touch, to kiss, to lick, to possess or be possessed; you confined it to the darkest pit of your ribcage, way past your heart, never to be accessed again.

until choi beomgyu came around.

he was the second person to understand god. but he had brought his lesson learned from home. he knew god’s ways even before he met daddy. he had a god of his own. you called yours daddy, he called his ‘that narcissistic sadist’. but strangely enough, you felt like they meant the same thing.

choi beomgyu was sort of soobin's friend, if you could even call it that. they never labeled each other as such, never sought out each other's company for the sake of friendship. they just wanted to live through their loneliness while sitting in the same room.

beomgyu’s dad was a dealer. he made a living out of ruining people's lives, as beomgyu saw it. growing up, he had promised himself that he would never be like that, the kind of person who doesn't care about poisoning someone's body if that meant keeping the cash flowing. but as he grew up, he learned that it wasn't all black or white. that all of those fools kept showing at his father’s doorstep, like they had no other choice. like they enjoyed hurting themselves.

beomgyu, like soobin, had become hateful. one of the things that bothered him the most was the "why me?" question. how unlucky he could have been to be born of such a father. but then again, he could run away. he could sort his shit out, get a job, never see his father again. but he kept going back. like he had no choice. like he, too, enjoyed hurting himself.

his dad barely knew he existed, and if beomgyu ever tried to make himself heard, he would silence him in cold blood. so any semblance of love or validation beomgyu could aspire to, he sought out with mathematically strategised plans. he craved the drug of attention and knew exactly where to get it.

he'd linger around fancy schools and church events, scoping out a certain type of girl. there was always a few of them going through a rebellious phase, desperate to go out with a bad boy and piss off their high-official dad.

it didn't take much effort for him to get what he wanted. he was handsome enough to make it easy, and even though he was a spiteful nihilist, he could be charming on command. just a smirk, a tousle of the hair, and some cheesy lines like, "i'm messed up, but with you, i feel like maybe i could be better," or "you're too beautiful for a screw-up like me." and he would have them wrapped around his finger.

he would bring them over to his place and fuck them rough on his drug-money-bought mattress. if there was shouting, or a gunshot coming from another part of the house, he'd fuck into them harder, muffling their fear with a rough kiss, using their panic to fuel his own twisted thrill. you fucking scared? i've gone through this crap every day since i was a kid.

if he could crack the shell of a privileged princess, dragging someone along with him down to his mud, his pain would slightly numb out.

for just a little, but never enough.

that pattern of behavior didn't lead to happiness. not even to satisfaction. it was a vindictive way of muffling his pain with the aching moans of someone who had it easier. but in reality, it only pierced what was left of his soul, making him even more hollow. it was soobin who made him realize that.

until that day, beomgyu saw soobin as almost a kid—pitifully weak and too sheltered. but when he told him about his exploits of going after posh girls, soobin didn't applaud in shared bitterness as he often did.

beomgyu explained to him how hard he got seeing the fear in their eyes as they realised that the life he led, that freedom of the rebel, wasn't as cute and bohemian as they had romanticised.

soobin responded curtly. "and then what? you cum, the spell wears off and you stare at the ceiling in silence, thinking of how miserable you are." he said. "and then you feel guilty for being a piece of shit and using that girl as a blow-up doll. and because of that you feel even worse about yourself, which means becoming more hateful and ruining more people. its not a you thing, you're not that special. that loop has been said and done. probably how your dad feels after beating on you."

beomgyu was taken aback. he didn’t even find it in himself to get offended. he remained pensive for a while before saying, "hyung. do you think i'm a bad person?"

soobin replied; "i think you can choose not to be."

and beomgyu took the advice. he put an end to the hunter-gathering of rich girls. he respected soobin from then on, too. soobin had therefore been a good influence, one could say. or at least an influence beomgyu was willing to accept. he started hanging around your house more, to the point of almost never leaving.

you learned about him as if he were a mythological figure—someone everyone talked about but whose existence you couldn't confirm. as a friend of soobin, beomgyu was bound from the start by an unspoken rule to maintain the least possible contact with you.

beomgyu was made aware of that rule very early on. what he didn't know, because he had been misled, was your age. that's why he didn't think much of it at first; he thought you were a kid. so, whatever—he couldn't talk to soobin’s annoying little stepsister. big deal. he didn't care about kids anyway.

this, combined with the prison-like structure of daily life in that house—minimal time in common areas and endless hours rotting in your own cell—fulfilled daddy's command to keep your life and soobin's, and therefore boemgyu’s, completely separate.

but even though you hadn't seen choi beomgyu in person, you had been able to construct a fairly accurate forensic portrait of him, pieced together from your father's warnings about people like him.

about the piercings, daddy believed that the body is holy, and anyone capable of mutilating within sin. about the music they played when locked up for whole afternoons in soobin’s room, he believed that god is serene, and disturbing that peace is a sign of the devil. he considered long hair on a man an abomination, and much like the eccentric clothes, a mark of a sodomite.

daddy didn't approve of him, and saw him as no more than a threat to the sanctity of his home. but beomgyu was quick to remedy the situation.

beomgyu was most acquainted to the ways of gods. he knew they were capricious, proud and pathologically narcissistic. so he made sure daddy could see he was a troubled young man and played the role of the lamb seeking guidance. he convinced daddy that he could abduct him, like he had done with soobin and his mother.

when soobin recounted the scene to you, his voice had sounded more hopeful, more full of admiration than you had ever heard. "he went to your dad and talked to him as if he was the buddha. said that he was lost and needed someone to guide him on the right path." soobin said. "he had some quotes from the prodigal son parabole learned, and he just delivered so naturally. not a trace of shame because when he lied to his face like that. it was like watching a play. your dad bought everything."

from then on, beomgyu became an unsung hero in your eyes. the boy who had outmanipulated daddy into having it his way. the boy who had defeated god.

around halloween that year, beomgyu and his dad had a terminal fight. it ended on a threat so destructive that beomgyu thought it was for the better if he stayed away from his father's place for a couple days. maybe a week. soobin, knower of the impotence and humiliation of having to sleep under the roof of the one who lacerated you and torn you to pieces, offered him shelter.

daddy's eyes lit up with greed. he saw the definitive chance to welcome a prodigal son into the fold. for beomgyu it was almost a joke. he was amused at how fast daddy allowed him in. so clueless and hasty, like one of the girls he used to charm into his bed.

in truth, beomgyu wasn't even to blame when he inevitably bumped into you. it had been daddy's mistake, he had let him in himself. you thought maybe that made daddy more human, somehow. that he forgot to close the back door to the prison and the devil strolled in.

but it wasn't really a matter of having let his guard down. daddy was still as stern, still as disciplinary, still as paranoid as he had always been. choi beomgyu was just much smarter than daddy.

he was a demigod, he was a promise. he was soon to make you his.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ next part

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ please let me know if you think reading about booty sex is gross (i'm doing market research)

#i know nothing happened #consider this a teaser #incoming depression sex yay !!#beomgyu #beomgyu angst #txt smut #beomgyu smut #txt hard thoughts #beomgyu hard thoughts #beomgyu x reader #txt x reader #beomgyu fic

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ginkgooou · 4 months ago

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somewhere only we know | alexia putellas

summary: after years apart, you return to barcelona and unexpectedly reunite with alexia, your childhood best friend. a lot of unresolved feelings come to the surface.

warnings: slight angst, but happy ending (kind of)

i listened to the song when this idea popped into my head. so, it's loosely based on that. i hope you enjoy! :)

english is not my first language!

2,998 words

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

you hadn't been back to barcelona in years.

walking through the familiar streets felt surreal, like stepping into a memory that was both vivid and distant. the neighborhoods, the cafés and the smell of the sea carried traces of the past - of your childhood, of the life you'd once lived here. yet, one place stood out more than anything else in your mind: the old tree on the hill, overlooking the city - the secret spot only you and alexia knew about.

alexia.

the thought of seeing her again after all these years made your heart race. you had been childhood friends, inseparable from the moment you met on the first day of school.

alexia was the one who could always make you laugh when you were feeling down, the one who truly understood you in ways no one else did, she was your best friend and maybe something more, though you hadn’t fully realized it at the time.

despite your different personalities, your connection was undeniable. she was a force to be reckoned with, exuding strength and confidence that drew people to her like a magnet. you, on the other hand, were quiet - reserved, incredibly shy, preferring books over people.

but alexia liked that about you.

whenever life got too hectic or overwhelming for her, she found refuge in your calm presence, coming over to your house and spending time with you. as you got older, she began dragging you along on little adventures - just the two of you, away from the noise and chaos.

when she needed the quiet, alexia usually took you hiking. she loved pulling you away from the bustling city and into the peace of nature, where the two of you could just breathe. you’d follow her lead, letting her guide you through the winding paths, her steps always sure and steady. sometimes you’d talk - about school, your dreams, football, or whatever was on your mind. other times, you’d walk in comfortable silence. you didn't need words all the time; it was often enough just to know that the other was there.

it was during one of those hikes, when you were around 15, that you stumbled upon your secret spot.

it was a warm afternoon, the sun filtering through the trees as you and alexia made your way up the familiar hill near barcelona. you walked in silence for most of the way, only exchanging a few words now and then. halfway up, alexia spotted a hidden, narrow path veering off to the side. she turned to you, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “come on, let’s see where this goes.”

for a moment, you hesitated, but never one to deny alexia anything, you quickly found yourself following her lead, stepping off the beaten path and into the woods.

as you ventured deeper, the trees around you grew thicker and the air became cooler. after a few minutes of weaving through the bushes and ducking under low-hanging branches, you finally broke through the underbrush and stepped out into a small clearing. there, standing tall at the edge of the forest, was an old tree, its thick branches stretching out and casting shadows on the grass. you could see the city below you, bathed in the golden glow of the afternoon sun.

“this is amazing.”, you murmured, coming to a stop next to the tree and taking in the view.

alexia grinned beside you, equally in awe. “it’s perfect.”, she said softly.

you spent hours there, talking and laughing, the world around you fading away. it became your sanctuary. a secret place to escape the noise, to escape reality and simply be yourselves.

when everything became too much, you and Alexia would find your way back to that old tree, finding peace in each other’s presence.

but it was also at that spot, that tree, where everything changed.

it was only a year later that you found out your father had gotten a job in new york, and you would be moving away in just a couple of weeks. you didn’t know how to break the news to alexia, unsure of how she’d react, so you carried the secret around for a while.

but, when you found yourself sitting beneath the tree once again and with the departure date approaching, you knew it was time to tell her.

you glanced at alexia beside you, her eyes closed, leaning against the tree with her hand resting comfortably on your knee. the moment felt so peaceful, too perfect to disrupt it with what you were about to tell her. you felt your nerves rising, your heart pounding in your chest.

finally, taking a deep breath, you broke the silence. “i need to tell you something.”, you said quietly.

alexia’s eyes fluttered open at the sound of your voice, turning her head toward you with furrowed brows, her eyes full of concern. “what’s wrong?”, she asked, giving your knee a gentle squeeze.

you couldn’t meet her eyes, knowing you'd break if you looked at her. instead, you stared on the ground, searching for the right words. “it’s about my family.”, you finally managed to say. “we’re moving. to new york.”

the silence that followed felt like an eternity, stretching between you, as she processed your words. “what?” her voice was full of disbelief. she let go of you and stood up, pacing around. “what do you mean you’re moving?”

you still didn’t look at her, fidgeting with your fingers, trying to find the courage to speak. “my dad got a job in new york. we have to go.”, you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

alexia came to a stop in front of you. when you finally looked up, you watched her face turn from shock to confusion, then to hurt. “when?”, she asked, her voice trembling.

“in two weeks…”, you told her, struggling to hold back tears as you saw the heartbreak on her face, a look you never wanted to see.

“b-but…i don’t want you to go.”, she murmured, her voice quivering as she fought to hold back tears of her own. in that moment, she looked so small and vulnerable, so unlike her.

without thinking, you stood up and pulled her into your arms, hugging her tightly. and then, the dam broke. you both let your tears flow freely, soaking each other’s shirts, the reality coming crashing down around you. her body shook with quiet sobs, her arms wrapped around you, keeping you close.

you stayed in each other’s arms for a while. when alexia eventually pulled back, her eyes were red from crying. she took a few deep breaths, trying to steady herself before speaking.

“promise me we’ll stay in touch.”, she said.

“of course.”, you replied without hesitation. “we’ll make it work. we’ll call and text every day.”

“we’ll make it work.” her gaze softened as she repeated your words quietly, as if to reassure herself.

a comfortable silence then settled between you, stood in each other's arms, processing everything.

as you held each other’s gaze, an invisible thread seemed to pull you closer. the air crackled with unspoken tension, and you felt drawn to her. unable to resist the magnetic force between you, you started to lean in.

alexia searched your eyes for a second and then, with a tenderness that made your breath hitch, she dipped her head, pressing her lips against yours.

the kiss was electric, igniting a fire deep within you. it was soft and tentative, it made your heart flutter in your chest. you could taste the saltiness of her tears mixed with the sweet hint of cherry from her lip balm.

in that moment, the world around you faded into nothingness; all your worries slipped away, leaving just the two of you on that hill. nothing else mattered but this moment, this kiss.

the kiss lingered, sending waves of warmth through you, but then, suddenly, reality hit.

what am i doing? the thought crept into your mind, breaking through the haze of the moment. your heart raced, but now for a different reason.

panic set in. you became hyper-aware of everything - alexia’s hands resting on your waist, the soft press of her lips. it felt like the world had shifted in an instant, and you weren’t ready for it. you weren’t ready for the storm of emotions building in your body, - confusion, fear, uncertainty, love - flooding in all at once.

you weren’t ready for what this meant. for you. for your friendship. you had never really thought about it before, if the things you felt for alexia were normal between friends, or if they ran deeper. it was all too much, too overwhelming.

the closeness, the intensity, it terrified you.

you pulled back suddenly, your breath catching as you put space between you. alexia’s brows furrowed, concern flickering in her eyes as she stepped toward you. “hey…what's wrong?”, she asked, her voice soft, but laced with confusion.

“i…”, you wanted to explain, but the words were stuck in your throat. the emotions were crashing down too hard, too fast. your heart pounded, a desperate need to escape overwhelmed everything else.

“i need to go.”, you blurted out. you didn’t wait for her to respond - couldn’t bear to see the hurt on her face. without thinking, you turned and ran. you fled from the moment, from her, from your feelings, from everything.

what did i just do? the question echoed in your mind, but no answer came. you had kissed alexia. you had felt something, something real and terrifying. you didn't know what to do.

the weight of it all pressed down on you, suffocating you. what did this mean for you? for alexia? for everything between you?

you had no answers. the kiss had changed everything, and now, you didn't know if you could ever go back to the way things were.

so, you avoided her.

alexia tried to reach out, her concern clear in her eyes whenever you crossed paths, but you kept your distance. you couldn't face her - not while your feelings were still a tangled mess, raw and confusing. she wanted to talk, texted you more than once, but you always found an excuse. you knew she deserved an explanation, but you weren't ready to give one, not when you didn't know what you were feeling.

time flew by and soon, you were gone. you started a new chapter in new york, far away from the memories you left behind. but guilt filled you whenever you thought about the promise you made to her: to call and text every day.

you didn’t keep your promise.

at first, you texted here and there - small talk, meaningless things. how the weather was, a funny video, updates on life that seemed trivial compared to everything left unsaid. slowly, the texts became less frequent, until eventually, they stopped altogether.

though you didn't completely let go of alexia. you still followed her from afar, watching her rise to fame - alexia, the footballer, thriving at barça and becoming a star. you cheered for her success, even though she would never know.

over the years, you often found yourself thinking about her and that moment by the tree, and every time, you wished you hadn't run away that day.

☆

now, here you were, at your secret spot, a place you held so dear to your heart. it felt strange being back after all these years, but somehow, you were drawn to it - to the place where everything went wrong.

as you stood there, the memories hit you like a wave, flooding your mind with images of her smile, her laugh, the times spent together. you remembered talking about anything and everything here. this was your place, the spot where you shared moments you'd never forget.

you sighed and closed your eyes, leaning against the tree and letting the memories wash over you. the weight of regret pressed heavily on your shoulders, this place reopening old wounds you thought had healed. you wondered what alexia was doing now, if she still came here sometimes, or if it hurt too much to even think about.

a soft crack interrupted your thoughts - a twig snapping in the distance. you turned toward the sound, looking back toward the woods. at first, you thought it was your imagination, but then, you saw her.

alexia.

you froze, your heart skipping a beat at the sight of her. she stood a few meters away, her eyes fixed on you, wide with surprise. for a moment, neither of you moved. time seemed to slow down, the world shrinking to just the two of you in this familiar place.

you opened your mouth to say something, but no words came out. you hadn't expected to see her here, not after all this time.

she took a step forward, her expression shifting, softening into an unsure smile. “you're back.”, she said.

you swallowed hard, trying to steady yourself. “yeah, i am.”, you managed to say, your voice shaking.

there was so much you wanted to say, so much you had left unsaid. you wanted to apologize, to explain why you ran, but no words left your mouth.

alexia took another step forward, coming to a halt in front of you.

“i didn't think i'd see you again after…after everything”, she said softly, her voice carrying the hurt she still felt.

your heart pounded in your chest. “i didn't think i'd come back.”, you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “but, i did.” you paused to look at her, taking her in - she looked different, more mature, but she was still the same alexia you once knew. you continued to talk. “i've been watching you. i've been keeping up with everything.”

at that, alexia raised an eyebrow, a flicker of curiosity in her eyes. “watching me?”, she repeated.

you nodded, taking a deep breath before continuing. “your career…barcelona, the trophies…everything. i'm proud of you, ale. you achieved everything you've ever wanted.”

alexia offered a brief smile, but you could see the sadness in her eyes. “i come here sometimes, you know? this place always reminds me of you.” her gaze wondered to the city below you as she continued. “why didn't you reach out? why didn't you…come back?”

the question hung in the air between you, and your throat tightened. this was the moment where you could finally tell her everything. but now, standing in front of her, it felt impossible to explain.

“i was scared.”, you finally said, your voice trembling. “i didn't know what to do. after…after that day, everything felt so overwhelming. i didn't understand what i was feeling, or how to face it, so i ran. and i didn't come back because…i didn't know how to make things right.”

alexia looked at you, her expression softening, her eyes reflecting a mix of understanding and hurt. “i waited.”, she said quietly. “i thought…maybe you just needed time. but i waited and waited and eventually, i just stopped expecting you to reach out.”

her words hit you like a punch in the gut. you opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. what could you possibly say to fix this? the regret in your heart felt unbearable.

alexia let out a soft, almost bitter laugh. “i loved you, you know? i think from the moment we met. i loved you in ways i couldn't even understand at the time. and i thought…”, she paused, her voice catching as if she were trying to hold herself together. “i thought you loved me too. the way you looked at me that day…i was so sure, but then…”

there was no need to finish the sentence, you both knew what came next. you swallowed hard, your voice trembling as you finally found the strength to speak. “i did love you, ale. i think i still do. i just…i was so scared. scared of losing you, scared of what it all meant. i was scared and i ran and i regret it to this day.”

alexia's eyes glistened with unshed tears. “do you know how much it hurt?”, she asked, her voice thick with emotion. “that kiss - i thought it meant something…and then you just left me and it hurt so much. i thought i did something wrong. i knew i lost you that day, the person i trusted most in the world.”

her words broke something inside you, and tears stung your eyes. “i'm sorry.”, you whispered, your heart aching. “it did mean something. it meant everything. that's why i panicked. i was afraid of ruining what we had, of losing you if things didn't work out.”

a sad smile tugged at alexia's lips. “but you did lose me. you left me behind.” your heart twisted at her words, the full weight of what you had done settling in your chest. “i know.”, you whispered. “i can't undo the past, but i'm here now. and if you'll let me, i want to make it right.”

her eyes softened and for a moment, the air felt charged with the unspoken feelings you had buried for so long. finally, after all these years, the truth that had kept you apart was laid bare.

for a long moment, alexia was silent, her eyes locked on yours as if searching for something, some sign of the person she had once known. then, finally, she spoke, her voice soft but firm. “i don't know if we can go back to what we had…but maybe we can start over.”

you felt a wave of relief wash over you, a relieved smile tugging at your lips. “i'd like that.”, you said, eyes sparkling with hope. “more than anything.”

alexia smiled too, a small, tentative smile, and slowly, she reached out her hand. you took it, her touch gentle and familiar, the warmth of her hand seeping into your bones.

it wasn't forgiveness, not yet, but it was a start; the beginning of something new, something exciting.

#woso x reader #woso imagine #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas

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romaevelizz · 4 months ago

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Serendipity ˖ ࣪⊹

young!Severus Snape x fem!reader

summery: (n.) SERENDIPITY; finding something good without looking for it.

warnings: hufflepuff reader!, noncanon more oc Lucius, cursing, small bits of angst, mauraders mentioned!, grumpy x sunshine trope. non proofread

Never did Severus expect this loud Hufflepuff girl walk up to his friend Lucius, a snarky ritzy Slytherin. Her bright aura practically blinding him, he expected Lucius to shoo her away telling her off rudely but no. Lucius smiled back at the girl that brought herself into their conversation. Later finding out that she was a family friend of his, that they grew up together.

That’s when he first met her, their second year, at first Severus found her bothersome, annoying even. Perhaps it was because they were total opposites, loud and quiet, outgoing, and to himself, he didn't expect her to follow him around. She always went out of her way to include him in the conversation, and ask if he wanted to walk to their shared classes together. Honestly, he did his best for a good year to push her away, but she never went away.

After their third year, they were inseparable. He never liked the fact she was Friends with James and Remus, they shared Lily as a friend the Griffyndor girl and herself came to be good friends the two girls were always seen with Severus somehow. Severus didn't like how close Remus and her became, but it wasn't his place to tell her who she could and couldn't be friends with. He wouldn't go out of his way to tell her how that group treated him, and Lily started to shift her liking and surroundings to those boys.

James always made it a point to talk to her when he entered the room, trying to woo her in a way but her gaze always found him. Her unimpressed face turned into a smile when she found Severus eyes. Getting up from her spot to move over to him, James and Remus give an unpleased look toward the Slytherin boy. He never fully understood why she chose him in the end when it came to situations like that. In the classes they shared she always sat with him when there were plenty of open seats when she had the choice to sit with her friends.

He started to find enjoyment in her presence not that many people could tell, but she could and that's all that mattered. The days they would sit in the great hall as he helped her with her studies, he knew that she didn't need help yet she asked him. She spent all the time she could with him. He didn't pull away when she would go to grab his arm or push his hair out of his face. Lucius even made it a point to point out how he would let her be physical with him. Severus always shrugged it off, saying that she was just touchy.

“But you let her touch you, you let her touch your hair, you let her link arms with you… So I don't think it's just her…” Lucius hinted at his friend.

It wasn't just her, he didn't hate it… He liked it when she would scoot closer to him when they were together, that when they hung out she was always close to him touching him in some way. How when he would talk her eyes were always on him, her attention never left him. A small grin on her face as she did so, how they would throw flirty remarks towards one another and share a small grin afterward. He found himself looking at her longer taking in her features. He always took in something small she would mention and remember it. He loved it hear her talk, even if it was nonsense.

There was an understanding that Severus wasn't wanting a relationship while in school. While expecting her to be sad and bummed out by it she told him “Just means I have to wait a little longer than.” a smile plasters on her face as her head was comfortable on his lap. Even though he said that she never changed her behavior towards him. She was just as affected and kind to him, he expected her to be upset for it was clear that in these past three years spent together feelings had developed. Ignored yes. But they've always been there.

The summer before their sixth year Severus spent with her, with the addition of Lucius Narcissa and a few others. They mostly hung around her family manor, which was on the East coast of Russia. He'd never been to Russia truthfully it was beautiful, the manor was filled with lots of agriculture. Which made sense because she had always loved the outdoors was very educated and knew a lot about the earth. Her family was much more humble than the Malfoys in the aspects of the way they acted. He found out that her family bloodline when it came to witchcraft was longer than the Malfoys or the Blacks, The Mavericks still knew old witchcraft, how to use unspoken spells, bendings, and others. He never realized how powerful she was, mostly because it was unnecessary to show off.

He had spent most of the summer in their library, and unless he was dragged out to the water by his friends, he'd sit on the shore watching her, for a long time he thought he knew where his feelings were that they lied with Lily. But he'd never been so unsure up until this point. Where he felt more nervous around her, he valued her opinion and what she had to say. He had t every felt like this with Lily, he never cared as much as what she thought in comparison to Y/n. He was always fighting back a smile with her, to laugh softly at her little remarks. God when he danced with her for the first time at one of her family events he had never been so fascinated. Enchanted even, she was something different. He saw her as a vulnerable moment her tears stained his shirt as she cried in his arms, his heart hurting as she sobbed. The way her hands held him tightly begging him not to go.

So he didn't, he wouldn't.

In the sixth year, Lily no longer hung out with Severus, she didn't know what happened but figured it had something to do with her picking James. Y/n knew James and the rest of them weren't fond of Severus, but she never thought it was as bad as it was. She didn't know that those boys had been bullying him for years, that she was hanging out with Severus bullies. She always shut them down when they tried to talk badly about him to her, to the point they had to stop bringing him up to her unless they were asking if she was hanging out with him. They never dared to bring up what they called him to her again. She distanced herself from them, especially after Lily started to disrespect her and even embarrass her in front of them.

Nonetheless, people grow apart that's just the way of things. It sucked year because Lily was one of her best friends and she had chosen a snotty boy over her. When at first that big wanted nothing to do with her, but who knows? Maybe that's what Lily thought of her that she was choosing Severus over her. But that wasn't the case by any means.

“Sev what happened?!” she asked putting her books down before getting close to him.

Lucius stepped aside letting her get to him, he looked angry. “What happened who did this to you?” she asked again her voice soft as she moved her hand to his face, he flinched a bit seeing that made her move her hand back. He's never done that. Severus saw how her brows frowned she though he didn't want her touching him, and he grabbed her hand pulling it toward his face.

Both her hands held his face comfortably as she inspected it, her hands noticeably warmer than his face. He leaned into her touch, To him it didn't matter who had done this to him he was fine now. Better now that she was here, he could feel small tingling on his face, she was healing him, removing the bruises and the cut from his busted lip. “Sev who did this to you?” she would ask again.

He shook his head lightly “It doesn't matter..”

“But it does,” Lucius said. “Just tell her Severus there's no need to protect anyone at this point!”

Severus glared at the blonde, while on the other hand, y/n was confused. What does he mean by protecting? “Sev…?” she spoke looking between the two guys.

“Tell her Severus or I will.”

Severus groaned giving Lucius a displeased look. His eyes soon found hers “It was James and his friends.” he sighed.

What? Was all she could thing as her brows frowned even more her eyes widening.

“Tell her how Lily lured you into their little trap.”

“She what.”

“Lucius!” Cissy and Severus snapped.

To which he only shrugged. “They did this to you? All those other times, was it them too?” she asked her hands no longer holding his face, he didn't say anything. But when his eyes left hers she knew the answer.

“Why didn't you tell me anything? Why didn't you tell me they people I called my friends where hurting you?”

“Because they were your friends it's not my place to tell you who you can and can't be friends with.” she stated simply.

She looked at him in disbelief, no she wasn't mad at him but she couldn't believe he wouldn't tell her something like this. Those boys had been terrorizing him for years and he didn't say anything because he found it unnecessary that your friendship with those stupid boys mattered more than him. “Sev-”

“Why do you care anyway? i’m not you’re boyfriend.” she spoke up displeasing taste in his tone.

“what? why would it matter right now Severus… you’re my friend and don’t say it like that.” she scoffed in disbelief.

“Exactly I'm your friend. Why do you care about it so greatly?”

“Because those boys have beef harassing you for years and by staying silent you're letting them get away with it! And don't sit there and act like we're just friends, we spend every day together, we spent the summer together for god's sake we kissed more than once this summer. So don't sit here and act like my caring for you is out of the fucking ordinary!” she hissed standing up.

“You really think after all this time I don't care about you?”

Severus looked down again, “that's no.. That's not what I meant, I'm sorry. It just stupid okay…”

She shook her head “It's not stupid.” she whispered tears forming in her eyes.

Severus pushed himself off the stairs his hands fidgeting with one another. Cissy had pulled Lucius away so now it was just them at the bottom of some start case. She had more to say and he could see it, but she just didn't. She didn't know how to say what she wanted. He could tell that his words hurt her, “I'm sorry I just didn't want to make a big deal out of it and be the reason you lost some close friends…” he muttered stepping towards her.

“I have other friends, friends that don't hurt the one person I care for deeply…” she spoke softly whipping her tears away. She never understood why he thought so lowly of himself. He mentioned that there was no reason for her to hang out with him, that he'd just scare people off. But to her, he was more than a grumpy teen, he cared for her and listened to her. He talked highly of her yet so low of himself.

“I hate how you talk too low of yourself Severus like you don't deserve anything good.” she spoke up.

“When in reality you do, you deserve so much. You are so much more than you make yourself out to be, you're top of your classes, an honor student, praised by your teachers and classmates. What your ur father thinks of you is bullshit what he's molded your mind into thinking how much you are worth is fucking bullshit.” she said, tears falling down her face.

“Stop crying please..” he begged softly, his hand reaching out and brushing the tears away with his thumbs. “Please do cry over me..” he spoke again.

“You're extraordinary Severus, how could I not?” she muttered as Sev let his forehead fall onto hers. He never thought he was deserving of love he'd never been shown what love really was, to be defended and seen.

This wasn't the first time he'd snuck her into the Slytherin dorms, taking her up to his and Lucius's shared dorm. This wasn't the first time she laid on his chest as they talked quietly to one another, how their fingers would play with each other, how her eyes fell heavy as she would talk. His free hand rubbed circles on her back. He didn't want to move in the morning, he was comfortable; safe even.

#harry potter snape #harry potter fandom #harry potter #severus snape x black reader #severus snape x reader #snape x reader #hp snape #pro severus snape #snape fandom #snape love #professor snape #snape #severus x oc #pro severus #severus snape #remus lupin

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muneca-lemon-steppa · 1 year ago

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Mooooo ! I love you so much bby 💕 my I request one with Alfie with the touch starved prompts “you never have to earn my affection-not now, not ever” and “I’m never more at peace than when I’m in yours arms”? Thank you lovely❤️❤️

My baby girl!!!!!!! Ugh thank you so much for sending this in. Did my heart ache writing this? Yes. Did my stomach hurt? Also yes. Am I sorry for it? NO. WE DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR EMO HOURS IN THIS HOUSE. Hehehe Anyway I love ya so much I hope you enjoyyyyyy.

100 Follower Celebration: Your Love is Enough

Alfie Solomons x Fem!Reader

There were many perks that came with being Alfie's woman. While there was certainly a good deal of danger lurking around, there was an undeniable air of safety you had due to all the eyes watching. You got access to all the hot goings on around the city. You lived comfortably. And above all, you got to love Alfie Solomons fully and purely and unabashed. There was only one downside really... the talk.

It was no secret that you were significantly younger than Alfie. It was something you and Alfie never shied away from and didn't feel a need to. Regardless of any age difference, you and Alfie understood each other on a cosmic level, a way no one else could. You loved him with your whole heart and soul and Alfie would burn down the world if you asked him to. You were one. And anyone who truly knew you and Alfie knew that this was true love. That this was the type of love and devotion that epics were written about and empires crumbled over. But there were always going to be people who didn't know. Always going to be people who didn't understand.

You were perusing fabric patterns in the shop down the street one early afternoon, looking for the final pattern to add to a quilt you were making for Ollie's soon to be born first child. You delicately touched the cotton blends along an aisle, imagining how it would look along the squares you had already picked, taking mental note as to what was available.

"I just cannot imagine what he sees in her. I mean... she is a child isn't she?"

Your ears perked up to the tone. It was Mrs. Vorsed from down the corner, the one you waved to every morning without even a smile in return. Another voice responded, "You know how men are. They just want a little toy to play house with until they find a wife."

Who on earth could they be talking about?

"Mr. Solomons needs a real woman in his home. My Portia knows what it means to be a lady of the house, and knows her place. I mean that girl he is shacked up with... I can hear her shouts and laughter from down the street! What does she know about keeping a home, much less keeping a man?"

A snicker erupts, "Well I'm sure she won't last long. He'll tire of her eventually when he realizes what he truly needs. Then Portia can swoop right in!"

The cackles fade away with the sharp chops of heavy footed steps. Despite your efforts, the knot in your throat never went down. You lungs refused to take in breath as the words spun in your mind. How could they say those things so confidently? They didn't even know you. They never even stepped foot into the house, how could they know how you keep it? Alfie never said more than a good morning to Mrs. Vorsed. How could they know anything about you or Alfie? Yet their words kept spinning and spooling around in your mind. What if... what if they were right?? What if people saw something that you couldn't see? What if you had deluded yourself into thinking that Alfie was truly happy and in love with you? What if he was unhappy but didn't want to tell you out of duty. It all became too much in your chest, and you left the store without your fabric, but the weight of the world on your chest.

That evening Alfie could not wait to get home to you. Every evening Alfie nearly buzzed at the prospect of coming home to see your face again, and wrap himself around you, getting as close as possible. You made his day better. You made his life brighter and joyful and meaningful. It made all the business and badness worth it. Stepping through the threshold with a press to the mezuzah, Alfie calls out, "Sweet girl! I'm home! You in the kitchen darling?"

He hears you call back and smiles wide, stomach growling hungry for supper and you. Taking off his coat and hat he ambles into the kitchen, watching you stir something magical in the massive soup pot. "My dove ,my angel, my joy, what are you doing? Making food for the Royal Navy are we?"

You turn to him, and he can clearly see that something is wrong. Your lips are quivering and poorly attempting to portray a smile, and your eyes are glassy and red rimmed. He feels a stab in his chest, "Now wait a minute treacle... what's got you crying?"

You wiped your cheek and turned away, "I'm not crying."

With a scoff he grabs your chin gently, turning you to face him, "I thought we didn't lie to each other my sweet. Especially since you're the worst liar since the Garden of Eden. Why are you crying? Come on now confess."

You shrugged as Alfie's hands moved up and down your arms, "It's nothing. Stupid really I shouldn't be crying."

"Nah nah. It ain't stupid if it's got my sweet girl crying like that. Out with it."

The tears kept falling, though you tried to keep an even tone, "I just... I heard some women talking. Mrs. Vorsed and another lady."

Alfie rolled his eyes, "Always a bad sign. C'mon what else."

You sniffled, "And... well... they said that... I wasn't good enough for you. That I didn't know how to be a good woman to you. And that you would be better off with someone else. That you would soon grow tired of me. That I'm not deserving of you, and Portia Vorsed would be a better match for you."

The tears started coming harder, and you couldn't help the shaking of your body. Alfie's stomach dropped, and rage replaced it. Alfie shook your shoulders a bit in his passion, "What the fuck is wrong with them? Treacle, Mrs. Vorsed is the worst gossip in Camden, and doesn't know anything about anything. She hasn't got anything better to do but talk absolute shit. Portia, right? She is the silliest woman in town, she can't even do basic arithmetic because she's too busy being an idiot. I mean fuck me treacle I can barely say good morning to Mrs. Vorsed without getting proper fucking agitated!"

Alfie kissed your forehead and brought you to his chest, "YOU are the one for me. I don't give a shit what Mrs. Vorsed or what any other decrepit woman or idiot man thinks. You are my life. You are my stars and my moon and my sun alright? You don't have to be 'good enough' for me. Fuck you just are. You never have to earn my love. You've always had it. Even before I knew you my old and brittle heart was yours. You got that?"

You nodded, the tears pooling in his shirt. Alfie pulled you away from him to look into your eyes. "And treacle I don't even think Mrs. Vorsed can see more than a meter in front of her so she probably has no clue who she is talking about."

You laughed despite the tears and Alfie grinned. All he wanted to do every day was to make you smile. He was convinced that was what he was put on this earth to do. You put your hand to his face, feeling him lean into the warmth of your palm. "I just want to love you and care for you like you do me. I just worry that I don't do enough sometimes."

He grabbed your hand, kissing your fingertips, "Ah my sweet. I'm never more at peace than when I'm in your arms. I'm never more at home than when you're next to me. The whole business could go to shit and I'd still be the richest man in the world because I have the greatest treasure in you. And I mean that my love. You believe your old man right?"

You nod. The lump in your throat finally dissapated and the weight melted away. There was truly no love like Alfie's and yours. People could talk all they want. People could make any assumptions they wanted. That didn't change what was true. And what was true was that you and Alfie belonged to each other and would for all of eternity.

#alfie solomons #alfie solomons x reader #alfie solomons x you #alfie solomons fanfic #alfie solomons x y/n #peaky blinder fanfic #100 follower celebration

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poppadom0912 · 1 month ago

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New Years Eve

Summary: New Years looks a little different but you don't mind at all.

A/N: After much contemplation, I decided to write this little baby as one last thing to end off the year. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and hopefully an amazing new year. Thank you so much for all the love and support you showed me this year, I truly can't express my appreciation and just how much it's helped me.

Being a surgeon meant that you had peculiar shifts and sometimes it meant working holidays. You were lucky enough to spend Christmas at home with your family but not so much for new years.

You weren't too bothered however. Your family had no plans this year as they all went abroad and you were stuck.

Despite being unable to maintain traditions this year, you and a few special people could make new ones.

The night was suspiciously quiet, allowing you and Connor to take a well deserved break and have a much needed catch up in the break room.

Laughing at Connor's unfortunate family dinner tale, you were interrupted by a knock on the door which was pushed open before either of you could say anything.

"Mama, mama!" The babbles of your child made it so that your smile widened. Their chubby legs staggering as they were supported by your husband who was helping them 'walk' towards where you were sat.

"Oh hello Daisy! Look at you!" You stood up, opening your arms as she picked up the pace to throw herself forward into your embrace that was one of her favourite places to be. "Mama missed you baby."

Her following giggles brightened up the room, it was as if she understood your words. Her smile, with a few teeth poking out, were a welcomed sight as her hand clutched your scrubs.

"Oh! And whose this?" You questioned her innocently, looking at the other man in wonder.

Connor held in a laugh at the scene before him.

Turning to the direction you were pointing, Daisy babbled nonsensical gibberish that you nodded to understandingly. "Ah I see, you picked up a stray on your way here. That's so generous of you love."

Kelly rolled his eyes, knowing fully well you were indirectly jabbing him for his soot covered face. He clearly hadn't cleaned himself after their latest call.

This time last year, the exact same thing happened. It was almost like deja-vu but instead of being pregnant, this time you had a baby in your arms and... Connor was here.

Looking back at one of your best friends and colleagues, you raised a brow at him, a knowing smile on your face.

Connor laughed, nodding his head with a certain look on his face. "Alright, alright, I know when I'm not wanted."

"You love us." Kelly said, smile filled with appreciation as the man got up.

"Yeah yeah, get out of here Rhodes. Go find Will to kiss at twelve." You half joked, was half serious, your tone giving nothing away.

His laugh came straight from the chest, shocked but also expecting it from you at the same time.

"Kiss this fine specimen twice for me instead, m'kay?" Connor asked rhetorically, firmly patting Kelly on the shoulder as he winked at you, not waiting for a reply before leaving.

"How are my girls doing?" Kelly asked, moving towards you to wrap his hands around you waist.

"I should be asking you that, you two have been having fun at the firehouse together all day." You replied, letting Daisy play with the random junk you had in the breast pocket of your scrubs.

"Little missy here had the time of her life with her aunts and uncles today. She was very spoilt and I'm very surprised they haven't tired her out."

You hummed, the baby in your arms was still buzzing with energy but the concern about her bedtime could be a problem for the new year.

The silence was welcoming. Being a surgeon and a mother meant that it was a rare thing but you relished it every single time.

"We going to make this a yearly thing?" You asked, fixing Kelly's collar. "Working every new years, you coming here to kiss me senseless and run away all smug like you're so cool. I have a strict reputation to maintain - need to keep instilling fear in the students."

"Ahh I see." Kelly nodded, lips pursed as he looked at your daughter when he replied.

"Your mummy thinks she's so scary, isn't she just so adorable?!" He said in the baby voice that he uses when talking to Daisy who knew none the better that he was making fun of you.

"Piss off." You rolled your eyes, shoving his shoulder away but he barely moved, stood firm on the ground even with all the effort you put in.

"Aww, don't worry baby, I still love you." He circled his arms back around you, bringing you into his embrace, holding his two girls close to him.

"No that's it, no more kisses for you." You shook your head, trying your best to be serious as you exchanged the banter that even though it was small, made days like today better.

Kelly hummed, as if he didn't believe your threats. He looked down at you and Daisy with such adoration and love that it was palpable. After such hard days, small pockets of time with just the three of you grounded him in such a way very few could do.

The countdown started, muffled voices counting down from outside, breaking the bubble of your little family was in.

"I love you."

Your smile was identical to the smile Daisy wore. She was your exact carbon copy and to have both of you looking up at him with the exact same look, Kelly was ready to fight the whole world for his two girls.

"I love you too."

"3, 2, 1... Happy New Year!"

Without a second to waste, Kelly's calloused hands cradled your jaw, pulling you into a searing kiss that you instantly melted into, getting lost into it even as little fingers tapped your face, trying to pry Kelly's face off of yours.

The laugh that came from you was unbecoming but this was quite new. Daisy pushed Kelly's face away from yours, ignoring his sour face as she kissed you instead. 'Kiss' being very loose as it was just her open mouth repeatedly smacking your cheek.

Unable to begrudge her, Kelly joined in, kissing the other cheek in unison.

Then, in sync, you and Kelly turned and drowned Daisy in kisses. The sudden onslaught of kisses surprising her, her giggles loud and beautiful, the most wonderful sound you ever heard. Her smile wide, dimples deep and eyes squinting.

Yeah, this was definitely a new years tradition you could get used to.

#one chicago x reader #one chicago imagine #one chicago fic #onechicago #chicago med #chicago fire #kelly severide fic #kelly severide x reader #kelly severide fanfiction #kelly severide

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inlovewithquestionablecharacters · 1 year ago

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Remus Lupin X Reader: The reunion

Warnings: angst, self hatred, lost lovers, fluff, sadness, smut, nipple play, oral (f & m receiving) fingering, blowjob, rough sex, soft sex, penetration (p in v), making out, pet names, dirty talk, happy ending.

Word count: 5,5 K

It has been a long time since you’d last seen Remus but you remembered the day like it was yesterday. You remembered the feeling of his skin warm and barely out of reach. You remembered the strangled sound that had left your lips as you begged him to stay with you. And most of all you remembered the words he’d uttered before he’d turned around and walked away.

“I can’t.”

You had never fully understood what he meant. For years you’d racked your brain over his words, trying your hardest to understand what exactly was stopping him from staying. And then one day you stopped asking yourself what you’d done wrong. You couldn't change the past, you couldn’t make him stay and that was just how things were.

You’d never expected to be back at Hogwarts. It had been years since you last stepped foot in the Great Hall and yet here you were, standing in front of the professores tables with a smile plastered on your face. You had a lot of fond memories in this place. Your eyes trailed over the table, snippets of your time as Hogwarts flashing through your head as you gazed around the empty hall. Your smile faltered for a moment when your eyes fell on a particular spot of the Gryffindor table.

His spot.

You could picture him sitting there with James and Sirius on either side of him, his eyes glued to the book in his hand. He’d raise his head from the pages, his eyes finding you in the crowd. The image of his smile was clear in your mind despite not having seen it for a long time. It almost felt like you were back in your eighth year. Back when things were good. Before it all went up in flames.

You were sure you would have kept staring all day if a familiar voice hadn't brought you back to reality. You turned to look at Mcgonagall as she called out your name. She moved gracefully towards you showing the same professionalism she had back when you were in school. Before she could put out her hand for you to shake you’d pulled her into a hug. She let out a surprised gasp as your arms wrapped around her thin frame.

“Come on now Minnie, I think we're past the handshaking phase of our relationship.”

Mcgnagall stayed immobile for a split second before wrapping her arms around you.

“Oh how I've missed you dear.”

Many people saw the professor as a strict person who didn’t care much about connections but they would be wrong. You’d known Minnie for years. Even after you left school you’d kept in contact and you could confidently say that she considered you a friend. It had been her who had called you back to Hogwarts after all. You pulled away from the hug, smiling up at Mcgonagall.

“So what did you need me to come here for? Not that I'm complaining. I love an excuse to wonder around here but your letter was very well-”

“Ominous?”

“Yes. Ominous is a great term.”

“Well, you know how it is. Can’t risk information getting into the wrong people's hands.”

You knew about that all too well. Information getting into the wrong peoples hands had been what had caused you the loss of your friends. From then on you’d all become more careful with who you told things to. It was safer that way. Especially with the things that had started to happen in the last few years. Mcgonagall seemed to notice the way your eyes had started to gloss over, the memories creeping their way into your mind.

“Don’t worry dear. It’s nothing bad. I actually think you’ll enjoy it quite a bit.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Walk with me.”

You followed Mcgonagall through the halls of Hogwarts watching the students stumble from one classroom to the other. You observed the groups of friends chatting about things. It all felt so very familiar. It felt like coming home. And then your eyes fell on a young boy. You’d recognize him instantly.

“Harry.”

There was no denying the similarity he had to his father. You and James had gotten into loads of trouble when you were younger and even though you weren’t the best of friends you’d been one of the first people to meet Harry.

“He’s gotten so big.”

“Yes he has. He looks so much like his father.”

“He really does.”

“Do you want to say hello?”

Your head snapped in Mcgnagall's direction, teary eyes searching for any hesitancy but found none. She really meant it. You look back at the trio before you, observing the way they laugh with each other. He looked like his dad but laughed like his mom. You’d recognize Lily's laughter anywhere. Everything inside you begged for you to walk over and greet Harry but there was a small part of you, a sensible part, that didn’t want to. You were scared of how he’d react. There was no way he’d remember you anyway, you’d meet him when he was a baby. And you didn’t want to risk putting him in any more danger.

“I shouldn’t. I can’t risk getting too close to him.”

“Well that might be a bit hard.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think it’s about time I told you why I called you here today.”

Mcgnagall started walking again, moving away from Harry and his friends. You glanced at the boy once more before following her. After a little while you’d made it to the entrance of a classroom. Which you recognized as being the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. That is if they hadn’t changed things around since the last time you’d been here but you doubted they had. You looked at Mcgonagall questioningly.

“What exactly are we doing here professor?”

“Well we’ll be needing to replace our current Professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts for next year and it so happens that I think you’d be a great fit for the job.”

“What? Minnie, are you serious? You want me to work here, at Hogwarts?”

This didn’t seem real. Hogwarts had always been your favourite place to be and the chance of working here and being near Harry seemed too good to be true.

“I can’t promise anything but me and Dumbuldore think very highly of you dear. We think you’ll do a fine job here.”

“Godric's Minnie. You have no idea how much I've dreamed of this.”

“Oh I think I might have some idea.”

Mcgnagall looked into the classroom for a moment as if contemplating something before turning back to look at you.

“There is one thing I'll need you to do. It’s typical to do an interview with the Headmaster but seeing as Dumbledore is dealing with a lot at the moment and I too have many things to resolve. Your interview will have to be done by the current professor.”

You bit your lip nervously. You had never been great at interviews, especially with people you didn't know much.

“But don’t you worry. Me and Dumbuldore have the utmost faith in you and we are sure the professor will go out of his way to make you feel comfortable.”

“Okay Minnie if you say so.”

“Wonderful. Well then dear go on in. He should be waiting for you already.”

You took a deep breath in, closing your eyes for a moment before turning towards the classroom door.

“Okay, here we go.”

The classroom was just like you remembered it. The layout hadn’t changed at all. The only thing that was different were the objects inside the room which you knew changed according to the professor's class. You walked towards the back of the room going up the staircase that led to the professor's office and knocked at the door. You heard some shuffling behind the door followed by a “Just a moment”. You recognized that voice. Could it be? No way you had to be making things up. Being at Hogwarts made you nostalgic, that's all. There was no way it was him. And yet when the door opened there he was. Standing directly in front of you was none other than Remus lupin. Your Remus.

The one that got away.

Remus had been nervous about the interview. He wondered if the professor would tell his replacement exactly why replacing him was needed. He knew Mcgnagall would never openly tell anyone about his condition but being that a vast majority of the school had already found out it was inevitable to keep it a secret from the new hire for a long time. He wondered who had been picked to take over his teachings. From the way Mcgnagall spoke of them they seemed like a very smart person. Just the type of person Hogwarts needed. Remus hated the idea of leaving Harry after everything that had happened but it was probably for the best, considering a small amount of the boy's issues had been a consequence of his condition.

Remus had always loathed being a werewolf. It bothered him greatly. He blamed that part of himself for losing people, the fear of hurting someone dear to him making him push everyone away. It was what he had done to you all those years ago and despite hating the thought of hurting you it had been the best choice. He’d spent the months after he left you hating himself more than usual. He’d wake up in the middle of the night calling out your name only to remember you weren’t there. He’d hear your laughter as he made himself coffee in the morning and would be haunted by the way you called out for him the night he left as he got ready for bed. You meant everything to him and that was precisely why he’d pushed you away.

Over the years Remus had thought of writing to you many times, mostly when it was close to a full moon. He craved your sweet words the morning after his transformation. He missed the feeling of your hands against the new scars that always seemed to find their way onto his skin as the animal within took over his body. But most of all he missed the way you looked at him. Always with pity but never with fear. You knew he would never hurt you on purpose and yet that was exactly what he’d done. The knowledge that he’d caused you pain was what kept him from reaching out to you. He knew he’d probably die before ever seeing you again but if that meant never hurting you like he had then that was a sacrifice he was willing to take. It was all working out like he had planned. That is, until he found you standing in front of his office door, your features mirroring the surprise he felt inside.

Remus froze in his spot, his eyes glued to the sight of your beautiful face. A face he thought he’d never see. A face that looked just as he remembered it. You too were stuck to your spot eyes moving over Remus’ features gaze catching at the new scars that were on his face. They hadn’t been there the last time and the thought of him being all alone after receiving them made your heart break. Remus longed to touch you, his hands twitching beside his body as he forced himself to keep his distance. You opened your mouth to call Remus’ name but before you could get it out he spoke.

“Come on in.”

The words felt odd coming out of his lips. A phrase far too professional for someone he’d known for years. But it made him remind himself that this was not a moment to catch up. You hadn't come here to see him, you'd come here for a job interview and that was what you were going to get. You walked into the office, eyes falling on Remus’ things. It was a familiar sight, one which you’d missed dearly. You watched as Remus made his way to the chair behind the desk, taking a seat before gesturing you to do the same. You did as he asked, sitting down on the chair opposite to him. You were only separated by a desk but it felt like such a great distance. Remus reached into his drawers pulling out a piece of paper and setting it down on the desk before him. You observed him in silence. He picked up a feather dipping it in ink before glancing up at you.

“Name and age please.”

“What?”

“Name and age.”

You furrowed your brows, staying silent for a moment before answering.

“Great. So why do you want this job?”

“What’s going on?”

“Well, a job interview. As far as i know.”

He had to be fucking kidding. Here you were sitting in front of Remus, someone you haven't seen in years. Someone who had left you outside in the cold as he walked away. Someone who had ripped your heart out and stepped on it like it was nothing. And the first thing he does when he sees you is act like an arse? Like hell! You slammed your hands on the desk raising from your seat in fury.

“You have to be joking.”

“I don't know what you mean.”

He hated the way he was talking to you. He hated the way he was acting. But most of all he hated himself. He hated himself for pretending nothing had happened. He hated himself for making your face twist into the scowl you were now wearing. But it didn’t matter. It was better if you hated him. It would make watching you leave easier. But he should have known better. He should have known that you were the type of person who fought for what they wanted. And not the type of person who left when things got hard. That was what was different between you two. While Remus ran from love you fought for it. He had always loved that about you but right now he wished you’d just punch him in the face and leave.

“Unbelievable.”

You let out a pained kind of laugh. Your eyes moved over Remus' face as you shook your head in disbelief.

“So that's how it is, hum? Rip me to shreds and just pretend it didn’t happen. Might as well just spit in my face Remus. ”

A frown found its way onto Remus’ face at your words. He knew he deserved your rage but it still hurt.

“Fucking say something!”

Remus' eyes widened as you yelled at him. You never yelled at him. Not even he’d helped James sneak Veritaserum into your coffee. Or when he’d messed up your first date with a guy because he’d gotten too drunk. You hadn't even yelled at him when he left. No like this anyway. Not with such anger. Your chest rose and fell rapidly as you felt tears begin to well in your eyes, a combination of anger and sadness taking over your body. It made Remus jump into action. He got up from his chair, making his way to you. You put your hand out telling him to stop.

“Stay away.”

Remus called out your name, slowly moving closer to you. The tears were falling quickly now making your face glow. You closed your eyes, a sob leaving your lips as you kept your hands out in front of you. You opened your eyes when you felt something come in contact with your palm. Remus had made his way to you. You looked up at him, your face twisting in anger as your hands turned into fists. You hit Remus' chest once waiting for him to react. When he didn't you kept hitting him and he let you. He let you hurt him because he knew he deserved it. The energy your anger had given you seemed to run out, your palms coming up flat against Remus chest as your body heaved forward in a strangled sob. Remus took his chance, pulling you into him. You tried to push away from him but he didn’t let you. The familiar scent of chocolate entered your nose. Godric how you’d missed that smell. Remus' body warped around you, the warmth making you feel tired all of a sudden. You stopped fighting to get free. Instead you sink into Remus, letting him hold you. Remus relished in the feeling of your body near his. He'd forgotten what it felt to hold someone like this. Your breathing started to slow down as you stopped crying, your body finally draining itself of all the sadness that had consumed you for years. He was back in your arms. The man you’d loved so much was finally within your grasp and you weren’t going to let that go to waste. You didn’t know how long this would last after all.

Remus felt you move against him forcing him to loosen his hold on you so that you could look up at him. Your eyes bore through his brown orbs a silent request hidden in your gaze. Remus knew what you were thinking because he was thinking the same thing. One of you just needed to do something about it. To your surprise Remus was the first to act. He leaned down, his nose bumping against yours before he crashed his lips into yours. The amount of desperation between you two was clear. Each one trying to grab onto any part of the other just to make sure this was real and not a figment of your imaginations. Remus kissed you with a fervour you hadn't felt in a long time. He kissed you like he was out of breath and you were the air he so desperately needed to survive. Your hands found their way into Remus' hair caressing his scalp with your nails, something you used to do to soothe him. He sighed into your mouth, tongue begging for entrance which you gave him. Your tongues danced around each other as Remus’ hands found their way to your thighs. He tugged you up off the ground making you wrap your legs around him. You both let out a moan as Remus hard on nudged against your clothed cunt. You were incredibly wet already, the years of longing making you needy. Remus wasn’t much better off. It had been so long since he’d last been with someone like this that he felt like a teenage boy all over again, trying his hardest not to cum in his pants. Remus sat you down on his desk, his hands moving against your pants as you tried to tug his vest over his head. You both laughed as each other's desperation got in the way of either one of you achieving what you wanted.

“You first love.”

“Okay.”

You let Remus unbutton your pants. A moan left your lips as Remus shoved his hand into your underwear, his slender fingers moving to gather your slick.

“Bloody hell you’re wet.”

“You sound surprised.”

“Didn’t know if I still had that effect on you. After everything.”

You could tell Remus was starting to spiral into a feeling of self hatred so you grabbed his face in your hands. He looked at you with sadness in his eyes.

“I never stopped loving you, Rem.”

“I left you.”

“You did. And it hurt a lot but that's what love is.”

“What, pain?”

“No Rem.”

You pushed a piece of hair away from his forehead.

“To love is to forgive people for their mistakes.”

Remus’ shoulders sagged as he placed his forehead against yours.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“I don’t know. But what I do know is that being far from you is the worst pain I've ever felt so please don’t leave this time.”

“I could hurt you. I could put you in danger.”

“Nothing will be worse than not having you near Rem. Nothing will ever compare to that. Please don’t make me go through that again.”

“I promise I'm not going anywhere this time.”

Remus placed a hand on your cheek giving you a kiss.

“And I think I know how to start making up to you for last time.”

“Oh yeah?”

Remus moved away from you, his hand reaching to the edge of his vest. You watch him pull off the vest before beginning to unbutton his shirt. Your eyes traced over his scars, the need to go over to him and kiss each one taking over you. But as you tried to get off the desk Remus moved towards you, his hands latching onto your thigh to keep you in place. “What do you think you're doing?”

You traced your fingers over the scar directly above Remus' nipple making him take a deep breath in.

“I want to kiss them.”

“Later love. Right now you’re going to let me take care of you. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good. Take this off for me.”

You did as Remus asked, removing your shirt and tossing it near his discarded clothes. Remus’ hands found their way to your breast giving them a squeeze before caressing your nipples through your bra.

“Fucking gorgues.”

You moaned at Remus’ praise, head falling back as you did. Remus took his chance, his lips latching onto your neck as he moved to palm at your thighs.

“Lift your hips for me love.”

You did as he asked, helping him remove your pants. Remus took a step back, his eyes racking over your exposed skin.

“Just like I remember it.”

“I doubt that. It’s been a while.”

“You’re still as pretty as ever, love.”

You blushed at Remus’ words. He had a way of making you flustered with the simplest of words. Remus moved back to his original position, dropping to his knees before you. You brace yourself as he removes your underwear, his fingers bumping into your clit and making you whimper. In another life Remus would tease you before delving into your pussy but it had been so long and he missed you. He missed the taste of you. Missed the feeling of your thighs against his head as you came. Missed the way his name sounded coming from your lips. So instead of making you work for it Remus shoved his face into your dripping cunt. You grabbed onto Remus hair as he ate you out, a grutell sound leaving your lips as you rutted against his face. Remus ate pussy like a king. Anyone who’d been with him knew that but when he was with you he always seemed to go the extra mile. He knew what made you scream and he was set on reminding you just how good he could make you feel. Your thighs clamped around Remus’ head as he entered a finger into your cunt. It went in without any resistance causing him to enter two more digits. You wailed above him, the feeling of fullness making you scream.

“Shh love. There are students around. Need something to keep you quiet?”

You nodded as Remus’ question mouth opened for him. He understood your request, moving his free hand up to your lips. Your hands latched onto his arms, shoving his fingers into your mouth. Remus moaned into your pussy as you sucked his fingers, the vibrations adding to the pleasure he was giving you. Before long your pussy started to clench around Remus fingers signalling to him you were close. He sped up his movements, sucking on your clit as his fingers ploughed into you. You came with a yelp of Remus name, your hands wrapping around his with a bone breaking grip. You collapsed onto Remus’ desk, your legs still placed around his shoulders as he continued to lap up your juices. He didn’t want any of your sweet nectar to go to waste so he kept eating you out until you groaned due to the overstimulation. You whimpered his name, making him raise his head from your cunt. The sight of Remus beneath you, face covered in your slick, made you want to rub your thighs. Lucky for you Remus sensed your need for a break, rising from his knees so that he could kiss you. He leaned his body against yours pulling you into a smearing kiss. You bit at his lower lip, making him groan and hump against your thigh. You felt his dick rub against your exposed skin, a hunger growing inside you. Remus loved eating you out but you knew he also loved watching you suck his dick. You give Remus’ shoulder a push, signalling for him to get up. He did as you asked, raising to his full height before you. You climbed off of his desk dropping to your knees just as he had done. A shudder left Remus’ lips as he realised what you were about to do. You grinned up at his flustered face.

“Wanna fuck my face Rem?”

“Godric love.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes please.”

“That’s better. Take your pants off for me baby.”

Remus tugged his pants down eagerly, making you giggle.

“Sorry. It’s been a while.”

“Better make it worth it then huh?”

You didn’t give Remus a chance to answer, your hands gripping his boxers and tugging them down quickly before guiding his dick into your mouth. The moment your warm mouth wrapped around his dick Remus knew it was over. He would have to marry you. He couldn’t bear the thought of someone getting the pleasure of feeling like this. Your tongue ran over the vein on the underside of his dick making him buck forward. You choked on him forcing a growl to leave Remus' lips. There it was. You knew that sound anywhere. Remus had a tell, whenever he was about to become absolutely feral during sex he let out a growl. You’d become used to it, your jaw relaxing so that he could have his way with you. And that's what he did. Remus’ hand pulled your hair into a ponytail giving him a better grip. Once he was satisfied he started fucking into your mouth roughly. You placed your palms on the floor trying to keep your body steady as Remus used you to chase his high.

“Mine all mine.”

He was babbling random words of praise, his hips moving widely signalling to you he was close to blowing his load. You moved your hands to remove your bra. Remus caught sight of your movements, mouth falling open as he caught a glimpse of your breasts. You moved your hands over your breasts playing with your nipples. The intention wasn’t to bring yourself pleasure, you were putting on a show for Remus. He’d always liked seeing you bring yourself pleasure as he fucked his fist. Some things never change. Remus came with a grunt, hips sputtering wildly as he spilled his seed into your mouth. You swallowed every bit, proudly showing him your tongue after he’d pulled his dick out of your mouth.

“You’ll be the death of me, love.”

“I see you still like seeing my tits.”

“Don’t think I'll ever stop liking that.”

“Good.”

You kissed your way up Remus body, making sure to give love to every scar within your reach. Remus smiled down at you once you made your way to your feet. You grinned up at him, placing a small kiss to his lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Rem.”

“I’m so sorry I left.”

“Shh don’t think about that now. Just be here with me.”

You placed your head on Remus' chest, your arms wrapping around his torso in a loving hug. Remus kissed your temple as he stroked your hair. He could feel your nipples against his chest and you could feel the way his dick twitched against your stomach. You bodies longed for each other and who were you to deny them?

“You got a bed?”

“Yeah through that doorway.”

“Well what are you waiting for professor?”

Remus smiled at you, his arms reaching down so that he could pick you up. You laughed as Remus carried you over to his bedroom in bridal style. He placed you on the bed gently before going back to lock the door. He’d waited years to do this. He couldn’t risk anyone running the moment. When Remus turned back to look at you, you had already changed positions. You had your back pressed against the headboard, your legs spread in a way that let Remus see your pussy.

“Wet already?”

“I can’t help it, Rem. I’ve been thinking of fucking you for a while.”

“Oh yeah? Lucky for you, so have i.”

“You gonna keep talking or are you gonna come over here and show me how much you want me.”

Remus practically lept on the bed. He grabbed your shins tugging you so that your body was laying flat on the bed. You wrapped your hands around Remus' neck, pulling him into a needy kiss. Remus ran his tongue against the inside of your mouth as he reached down to grab his dick. You spread your legs more allowing Remus to manoeuvre himself.

“It might hurt a bit.”

“Can’t be worse than our first time.”

“Tell me if you want me to stop okay.”

“Okay.”

Remus inched himself into your core. You clenched your teeth at the feeling of him. You’d forgotten how thick he was.

“You okay?”

“Yeah-ugh-keep going Rem pleasee…”

“Fuck your sucking me in. So fucking wet. My pretty pussy.”

“All yours all yours.”

Remus bottomed out, his body stilling as he allowed you to become accustomed to the feeling of him inside you. It stung a bit but soon enough the pain turned into need.

“Move Rem please move.”

“Shit love. Feel so good.”

Remus rocked into you slowly. It was a tender kind of thing. He wasn’t fucking you, he was making love to you. There was still a desperation in his movements. You could tell he wanted to go harder but was afraid of hurting you.You called out his name causing him to move his gaze from the place where your bodies connected to your face.

“Yes love?”

“Please fuck me.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes Rem go harder fuck me like you need me.”

He did need you. He needed you more than he needed anything else and he was ready to prove it. Remus lifted your legs over his shoulders allowing him to reach a new angel. You moaned at the feeling of Remus deeper inside of you, the sound spurring him on. Remus started pistoling into you. You placed a hand against his headboard for support. The entire bed creaked and groaned as Remus fucked you with vigor. You were both close to coming undone, your moans growing more and more constante. It didn’t take long before you came around Remus dick, nails digging into the skin on his back as you yelled out his name. Remus came not long after his teeth sinking into your shoulder as he spilled his seed in you.

You felt Remus sag into your body. Your hands caressed his scalp as he tried to catch his breath. He placed his chin on your chest, a hand coming to hold your cheek.

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

“I missed this. I missed you.”

“Me too.”

“I’m sorry for leaving. I thought I was protecting you but it turned out I was just making us both miserable.”

Remus sighed against your skin, his eyes watering.

“I’m tired of losing people.”

“I’m right here Rem. I’m not going anywhere.”

Remus furrowed his brows, his features contorting into what you knew was his thinking face.

“What is it?”

Remus got off of you moving to get off the bed. You raised your body leaning against your elbows as you watched him pace around.

“Rem what-”

“I have something to ask you.”

“Okay…”

Remus stood before you with a smile before dropping onto one knee. Your hands moved to cover your mouth as Remus said your full name.

“Will you marry me? I don’t have a ring but I'll get one and I don't know exactly how it would work. Do I move in with you or do you move in with me? But we’ll figure it out.”

He looked up at you with loving eyes.

“So what do you say?”

You moved your hands, placing them over Remus' chest.

“I would love to marry you.”

Remus let out a delighted noise lifting you off the bed and twirling you around. You wrapped your legs around him, moulding your body into his.

“I love you Remus Lupin.”

“And I will always love you my dear.”

Mcgonagall looked out the window onto the grounds.

“I believe we’re going to have to find someone else for the Dark Arts job.”

Dumbledore looked up from his desk, glancing at the professor with a knowing smile.

“You were never going to hire her.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Love, professor.”

“What do you mean Dumbuldore?”

“Love always finds a way my dear Mcgnagall. And those two well…they’ve loved each other for a long time.”

Mcgnagall shared a smile with the Headmaster. He was right, the two of you had always loved each other. Anyone with eyes could see it. And something told the professor that her plan had worked out just fine.

383 notes · View notes

wholoveseggs · 10 months ago

Note

I also have another one!! I’d love to see like Rebekahs friend(the reader) and Elijah’s love story. Like how they met(maybe in the Victorian age or Viking) and just them through the eras! If that is something you would be interested in doing! Like no problems just a cute little thing about their story through the time 💕💕 as always no pressure 💕

Worth the wait

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}

You and Elijah are childhood friends, dipping in and out of each others lives for the past one thousand years. You hope that one day you will have a chance to be together and find the love you've always longed for.

♡♡ Thanks for the requests @ashloring & @loving-and-dreaming I got these requests back to back and I thought they were perfect combined together. Sorry it took so long, I really wanted to do this story justice... hopefully it is... ♡♡

7.1k words - Warnings: smut, angst, reminiscing, playful sex, Elijah being very silly and sappy.

You were always fated to love him from afar. From the first moment you ever laid eyes on Elijah — you knew deep down that you would love him as long as you lived. What you didn't know was how long that would be.

You grew up together in a quaint viking village, learning to hunt and forage. He pushed you around, pulled your braids and teased you. You gave back as much as you got, biting and scratching until you were both on the ground tousling around in a full blown battle to prove who was the winner.

The nature of your play fighting changed when you became teenagers, arms still grabbing, but now holding a little bit longer, hands lingering, brushing one anothers faces. Eyes meeting, always with a blush and hasty awkward parting.

When his mother caught you laying on his bed together, fully clothed with a few shy pecks here and there, she sent you away. From that point on, you barely spoke, too embarrassed and flustered to communicate.

You grew up and grew apart, watching him and his family from afar. There was always a darkness over the Mikaelson household, a lingering sense of unease that kept everyone in the village back.

Still the sight of him was enough to brighten your day. Even though you stayed far away from him and his family, Elijah often found you sitting near him, the two of you were simply drawn to each other.

Life was perfect and peaceful until one night, screams echoed in the darkness, sending you from the safety of your bed. It was coming from his home, so you quickly grabbed the only weapon you could find and ran towards the sound.

What you found was beyond anything you could imagine, death and magic combined as the family mutated into a monster to rival the ones of mythological tales.

Esther spotted you and forced you to your knees, laying beside Elijah's body as she began her spell. Once you were tied by mystical cords you didn't understand, she muttered the same incantations she had spoken over each of her children.

That was your last night as a human, the last night you were alive.

Life as an original vampire was unexpected, it came with anger, lust, bloodlust, and unmatched supernatural strength that took adjusting.

Luckily you weren't entirely alone, you had the Mikaelson siblings, teaching each other, being patient, especially Elijah. Together you mastered every nuance in becoming the strongest predator there was.

While you may have been turned against your will, you quickly accepted this new existence. The freedom that came with an endless future proved rewarding with each sunrise.

But soon the prospect of an endless future turned into a curse and you learned the only true enemy of an original was time itself.

Eternity felt hollow as you watched every friend you made grow old and die while you were forced to continue on. Leaving you, haunted and depressed with no escape in sight.

And the only group of people who understood your plight suffered from their own problems. You spent your first five hundred years with them, moving around from country to country before you needed to take a long break from them.

You hoped that Elijah would always keep his heart, stay gentle and kind, but that was impossible. He matured into someone cunning and ruthless, his humanity slowly slipping away, tainted by the brutalities of this life.

The constant bickering, hateful arguments and petty jealousy between them drove you away. After those years you decided to live independently, only visiting the Mikaelson's every couple centuries, trying your best to keep hold of your humanity, while feeling lost in the ever flowing sea of time.

You sat out front a quiet little cafe, sipping on a espresso and browsing your phone. Modern technology was still such a trip to you, just one change after another in an impossible to keep up with world. Everyday some new gadget popped up.

You remembered a time when it took weeks to travel from one place to another. For a letter to make its way took months. And now you could press a button on the piece of glass in your hand and have a face to face conversation with someone on the other side of the world.

It was fascinating, these human inventions that filled their mundane lives. You envied how enraptured they were in their invented distractions. Not everything changed, humans were still so desperate for a simple illusion to fill the boredom of the days drudgery.

But today wasn't an ordinary day for you, today you had a date. Or at least, you wanted it to be a date, Elijah probably saw it as just meeting up with an old friend.

He sat down across from you, handsome as ever, elegant and charming, just as you remembered. Dressed in a black suit, the perfect mix of old fashioned and contemporary.

But when he smiled at you, all your trepidation melted away. It was the same familiar smile you fell in love with, holding that bright twinkle in his eyes and showing off those dimples.

"It's been a while," he said with a faint smile.

"Just a little," you smirked playfully.

He always had the same mannerisms, crossing his legs and holding his body with poise. However in the centuries you spent around him, you learned all his tells. The way he always touched his face when uncomfortable, his tendency to play with his hands.

"How have you been?" he asked, leaning back in his seat as he ordered a cup of coffee.

He politely thanked the waitress that delivered it, before taking a sip, his dark eyes set intensely on yours.

"Me, oh I've been..." you let your voice trail off for a moment, swallowing the memories that threatened to steal your poise.

But Elijah knew what you were thinking, not having seen one another for so long, the memories of the last time you saw eachother tried to force their way back to the front of your mind.

It was the 1950s, and you ran into him in New York of all places. It was the first time you thought you actually had a real chance with him, but he was plagued by his missing siblings, his rage at his brother turned him into a man you barely recognized.

Watching him torture people for information, murdering innocent bystanders didn't seem out of the ordinary anymore, this new Elijah was beyond ruthless. He was a man devoted only to killing his enemies.

Today he seemed far different, poised and kind. The Elijah you fell in love with as a girl had somehow resurfaced and seemed quite eager to make your acquaintance. Or perhaps you just wanted to see him as the man you have always loved, a possibility of a future with him you always dreamed of.

"I guess we haven't really kept in touch," you murmured softly. "I've been off doing my thing and I've missed you more than words could say. Though... you obviously haven't missed me, being so busy playing king of the vampires," you teased him.

"Well someone has to keep the order," he said with a smirk.

"And you think you're the best man for the job?" you raised your brows.

His gaze met yours, he couldn't help the nostalgia that built up in him. Seeing you staring at him, reminded of the times when he first fell in love with you. He had both just turned thirteen and it was like he was seeing you for the first time, dancing around the fire with ribbons in your hair. All the times he would look at you, getting flustered, only to see you looking back at him with the same unspoken feeling between you.

"Well it's either me or Niklaus," Elijah answered as he took a drink.

"Fair enough," you laughed softly and sighed.

Elijah loved that laugh, the way it made your eyes light up. His heart melted, seeing you looking so beautiful. He never stood a chance, you could have your pick of any man, ones who would worship the ground you walked on, ones that could give you a happy life.

"I trust the family is doing well?" you asked with an even gaze.

He nodded. "I have a niece now, Hope. She's brought light back into my family," he smiled slightly.

You loved seeing him this way, happy and hopeful, exactly the way it should be.

"I can't believe it, Niklaus a father. Angels weep," you jested with a laugh.

"Well sometimes you have to set aside your misgivings and make room for surprises," he smirked.

"Spoken like a true mediator," you replied, toasting him with your mug.

You talked for what seemed like forever, catching up on lost time, simply taking in one another's presence. His gaze lingered on you, admiring your confidence. You've always had that glow, drawing everyone in with your easy nature.

"Now tell me, how was your time in Paris?" Elijah asked curiously.

"Has Elijah Mikaelson been keeping tabs on me?" You teased him and laughed.

"I've managed to keep track of a few things," he smirked.

"Nothing you didn't already know, I've spent the past few decades indulging in one thing or another," you answered honestly. "Wine, art, food, sex…”

"How do I fall into those categories?" he chuckled, cocking his head to the side.

"Hmmm, I want to say art but I don't want to feed your ego, so wine it is," you grinned.

"Not sex?" he questioned with a grin.

You shrugged and sipped on your drink, trying to conceal the hot blush spreading over your skin.

"I wouldn't know, now, would I?" you teased him.

It was meant to be a question, that's what you intended, however it came out as an admission and you winced slightly, embarrassed that your nerves were starting to take over.

Elijah loved flirting with you, it felt different than with anyone else, there was something about it, like he was doing it for the first time, all nerves and awkwardness. He saw the flush and pink in your cheeks, the same sweet little blush from a thousand years ago, he knew you felt the same way.

"Would you like to?" he asks curiously.

"Please, Elijah..." you laughed off his question.

You shuffled in your seat nervously. Not believing that Elijah had actually seen the potential for romance. He was just teasing, friendly banter between old friends.

"How's your dating life?" You asked, steering the conversation away from the uncomfortableness you were feeling.

"You're asking me out?" he smirked.

"Fuck off," you chuckled playfully. "I was only going to ask if you are still pinning after Katherine," you teased.

"Now who's keeping tabs?" He countered with a smile.

"Do you blame me? C'mon, give me all the delicious gossip."

"Well.. I finally found her. We had lots of sex, then I dumped her," he quipped.

"Oh my, Elijah, a heartbreaker," you smirked.

"Yes, that's me. Now you, I've always wondered who you were with?" Elijah brought the attention back to you, waiting for an explanation.

You rolled your eyes and relaxed into the chair. "Men, women, witches, werewolves…” you joked.

"Not sex, I meant love. Did you meet anyone that holds your heart?" He clarified, fiddling with his hands under the table, both excited and nervous to hear what you had to say.

You got a little flustered and swallowed, shrugging it off as nothing. There was no one. You certainly met some contenders over the years, but no one came close to the man that sat across from you.

"Love is exhausting," you replied casually. "Much like everything in this life, it's all the same. At the end of the day, you're left feeling empty."

He listened. He understood what you mean, eternity can feel so empty. But he felt an optimism when he was around you, no longer did he feel chained to life, to time.

"I don't agree," he murmured softly, "I think you just haven't found it yet."

"Elijah, c'mon," you laughed a bit and shook your head.

It seemed as though every date you had in the last ten centuries paled in comparison. When you were with him it just felt different, it wasn't lust, or an insatiable need to be around him. It was peace, it was comfort, he felt like home and it was special.

"No, really," he paused and smiled softly. "C'mon, lets go for a walk, I'll show you," he stood up, reaching his hand towards you.

You stood, and began walking, chatting about old times. He reminded you of the day you spent together in 1599 where you saw Shakespeare's Julius Caesar at the Globe theater, both of you sitting up in the rafters with the best view there was.

One thing led to another and the two of you ended up chasing one another all around the city, drinking far too much rum and dramatically reenacting the stabbing in a fit of giggles.

You reminded him of the time in the 1650s in Spain where you witnessed a beautiful redhead attempt to flirt with him by twirling her fan and covering half her face. It just resulted in the both of you mocking her mercilessly, a small giggle escaped your lips when you remembered his laughter.

"She was so in love with you, but could barely hold a conversation with you, what was her name? The one with all the freckles," you chuckled.

"Ugh... not Silvia. I haven't thought about her in a very long time. Fortunately she went and married some merchant banker and left me alone," he chucked, guiding you towards a nearby garden.

You walked down a tree-shaded path, crossing a bridge over a trickling creek, and past the playground where children giggled as they played. Elijah led you towards a gazebo, passing by an elderly couple enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon.

"I thought you were going to show me how to find love?" you teased, elbowing him playfully.

He chuckled and put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close against him.

"Look at them over there, two people growing old together," he said softly, nodding towards the couple."That's a beautiful story right there, it goes from meeting, to dating, to falling in love, to having a marriage full of ups and downs. Every difficult time, every disagreement, every moment of compassion and reassurance is enough to have them stay together." He looked at you, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

You listened closely, hanging on every word, studying his expression. Looking up at him as the sunlight came shining through the leafy branches of the trees.

"I bet if we asked them they would tell us the secret to it all," you said quietly, looking back over at the little old couple.

They were wrapped up in their own world, swaying ever so slightly to the soft music playing nearby. Their love for one another so bright.

Elijah stood and walked over to them, sitting down on the bench next to him. You paused for a moment and then followed him, moving to the empty spot beside him.

"Excuse me," Elijah spoke in a voice hushed and sincere. "We just wanted to know," he continued, gently compelling them to answer, "what is the secret of love?"

"Well, I guess, patience," the woman answered sweetly.

The man slowly blinked, his head cocking to the side as he answered, "trust, communication, passion..."

"What is your favorite memory together?" You asked politely, leaning forward.

They looked at one another and burst into hearty, genuine laughter.

"Doing dishes, long drives, waking up to breakfast in bed, cuddling under a blanket in the winter, or just a hug after a bad day..." she answered wistfully.

"All the quiet moments in-between, like coming home after a hard day of work and changing into our comfy clothes," he paused and grabbed her hand, "putting on a movie and just ordering in. We can lay there in one another's arms, always together in that bubble of comfort."

You smiled softly. There's something about the simplicity of it, and the sheer joy in doing those things with the one you love. The ordinary and everyday.

Elijah glanced over at you with a smile, then thanked the couple.

"Thank you, you've been wonderful," Elijah finished kindly.

"I hope you and your lady are just as happy as we are," the man said, turning to kiss his wife lovingly on the cheek.

"I'm sure of it," Elijah stood up and began walking away, holding his hand out for you.

You stood up and intertwined your fingers with his, giving his hand a squeeze as you mouthed a thank you towards the elderly man.

"Does that answer your question? Love just happens and it's imperfectly wonderful," Elijah said simply.

"Have you ever found a love like that?" you asked curiously.

He paused and a thoughtful expression fell over his face, wondering where to begin. He placed his hand over yours, stroking the back of your knuckles as he looked deep into your eyes, confessing a feeling he's hidden all this time.

"Only once, when I was too young to understand what I had," he admitted softly. "We were only children then."

Your heart began to beat faster, hearing him say it out loud made your breath hitch in your throat.

"And what about now?" You asked in a near whisper, afraid of what he would say, but unable to live without the answer.

He grinned and suddenly scooped you up, throwing you over his shoulder, just like when you would play flight as children.

You squealed and laughed out in delight.

"What are you doing?" You giggled loudly, slapping his back, but he simply ignored you.

"Reminiscing," he answered swiftly.

"This is hardly reminiscing," you teased.

"To me it is, with you in my arms, laughing," he added cheekily.

You were incredibly flustered, but you didn't want this to stop. It was silly, and unexpected and made you think about all the times you two were together as children. It made you feel as you always did with him, free, alive, all nerves and blushing and awkward touches.

So you just rested your chin against him and giggled loudly as you watched the ground pass by underneath you.

"Where are you taking me?" you questioned softly.

He smiled and didn't answer, biting his lip as he tightened his grip on you.

It didn't take long for you to spot the bridge you walked over, carrying you out onto the sidewalk outside the gardens.

He pulled you up and set you back on your feet, both of you giggling breathlessly, your hands on his chest, his hands on your waist.

The two of you stood there for a moment, eyes scanning one another's face, catching your breaths and gazing longingly. His gaze focused on your lips, while yours focused on his eyes, the fondness in them made your cheeks heat up.

His grip tightened around you, your hands fisting in his shirt as he closed the distance, capturing your lips in a tender kiss.

You swore you could have floated away that moment. His hands cradled your face as you pulled him closer. Your lips parting for him as he deepened the kiss.

You pulled away from the kiss after a moment. "Can we talk about that for a minute?" you said, your gaze fell away, finding it hard to meet his eyes, your heart felt like it would burst from the surges of love that came pouring out.

He shook his head and kissed you again, brushing his nose against yours, a smile across his lips.

"Lets not speak... lets keep kissing," he whispered with a soft laugh.

You smiled and closed your eyes, tilting your head back, enjoying the feel of him loving you after such a long time. The feel of his body against yours.

He broke the kiss, pressing his forehead to yours, closing his eyes and just taking a moment to enjoy your company. The feeling of your breath against his skin.

"So... let's talk," he smirked against your lips and traced his fingers down the side of your face.

He felt you nod. "Mmm, in bed," you murmured and stole another kiss.

"Okay," he nodded and swiftly scooped you into his arms.

"Nice place," you commented lightly as your eyes scanned over the art and furniture in the compound. "I can see you were in charge of the decor," you said cheekily.

He laughed. "Naturally, darling," he replied. "Klaus is always out for blood and I had to ensure it wasn't on every wall."

Elijah led you down a hallway to a lavish bedroom, opening the door and ushering you in, shutting it carefully behind him. He held you close, his hand on your waist, reaching up to brush a loose strand of hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear and pulling you in for a kiss.

"Do you remember the last time we were in bed together?" He asked softly.

"You brought me into your home under false pretenses, you said you were going to show me a dagger your father had," you replied, recalling the time you were teenagers, kissing in his bed, all nerves and eagerness.

"I really did want to show you that dagger, my intentions were innocent that evening," he protested lightly. "But then you laid down on my bed, making yourself at home, and there you were, wearing such a sweet little dress with such tantalizing seams all over."

"I can't believe you remember the dress I was wearing," you said, placing your hands on his chest and toying with the buttons of his shirt.

He chuckled. "I remember everything about that day," he smiled, "it was my first kiss, how could I not memorize every detail?"

"What else do you remember?" You asked softly, looking into his eyes.

"I remember laying down beside you, I was so nervous," he admitted softly. "We laid on our backs for a while, just chatting. Your hand brushed against mine and I wrapped my fingers with yours, scared you would push me away," he looked away, lost in the memory, smiling softly.

"I was so sure that you would, but you didn't and we grew quiet, all nerves, side by side." He looked back at you, a twinkle in his eye.

"We could hear the sounds of the village outside as it prepared for the feast. We laid there like that, my heart racing, thumb tracing your palm. I turned to face you, you wore this little shy smile. And there I was, frozen by the way you looked."

"Your hair was braided and those perfect lips were slightly parted," he cupped your cheek, grazing his thumb over your bottom lip. "I was terrified to mess it all up."

You were speechless, all you could do was smile and laugh softly. He began to guide you back towards his bed, still talking as he undressed you slowly, "But we laid there just staring, and gazing into each other's eyes. Slowly I leaned closer, so close we were breathing each other in, just sharing a breath, trying not to spook one another."

"And then, before I knew it, your lips found mine and all of my nervousness melted away. Slow, soft kisses, that little braid tickling my neck and the taste of the berries you had earlier still sweet on your lips."

You blushed at the memory, his words making you tear up, you couldn't believe he remembered.

"Your hands were shaking against my chest, so I lifted them to my lips," he stopped talking for a moment, reenacting the memory by kissing your hands once more.

"Then your mother walked in," you commented, smiling at his gesture.

He smirked against your skin. "Well, before she did," he began, he spoke softly as he slowly unzipped the back of your dress, letting it fall to your feet. "I was... learning the taste of your lips," he continued slowly. "They still taste the same, lovely and sweet,"

His eyes scanned over you, taking in the sight of the most beautiful woman in the world, right there in his room, standing there in nothing but a lacy black bra and underwear.

You smiled and tugged on the buttons of his shirt, eagerly undoing them and pushing his shirt off of his shoulders as you began kissing along his jaw.

"It feels like yesterday," you whispered, moaning against his lips as his hands went to your waist, his fingertips dancing over your skin.

The sensation tickled and made you giggle, trying to pull his hands away but that just sent a whole new wave of laughter bubbling out of you as he pulled you against him with a grin.

The two of you stumbled backwards to the edge of the bed, kissing deeply and continuing to undress each other as you fell onto the mattress in a fit of laughter.

He pinned you down, but you pushed him off, the two of you beginning to wrestle for the upper hand. You giggled and squealed as he tickled you mercilessly, kissing along your neck and biting playfully, all while his fingers danced and caressed over your stomach.

"Elijah, STOP! Hahaha," you pleaded, squirming beneath him. "Stop stop," you laughed.

"What's wrong, my little love," he asked playfully, grabbing your wrists in his hand and pinning them above your head.

You kissed him quickly, grinning when he released you, "Let me breathe!" you said with a laugh.

He smiled warmly, glancing down at your smiling lips. "You make me feel like a teenager again," he admitted softly, then began tickling your sides again, catching you off guard.

You squealed, squirming in his grip and playfully struggling to break free. You could feel his erection brushing against you, his hips pressing between your thighs as he continued to attack you.

"Eli!” You gasped, wriggling your body under him, wrapping your legs around his waist and flipping him over onto his back.

He was laughing along with you, his breathing heavy as he settled beneath you, grinning up at you. “I surrender, you have bested me,” he said, looking up at you in awe.

You smiled and sat back on his lap, "oh don't give me that cheeky grin," you replied, wrinkling your nose at him.

His hands fell to your thighs, squeezing them as he smiled. You rocked your hips slowly, grinding yourself on his cock. He moaned softly, his mouth hung open as he watched the way you moved above him. Your lace panties rubbing over the rough material of his pants.

"I've dreamed of this for centuries," he confessed in a whisper. "You on my lap, your hands on me, the beauty of your body..."

Your eyes glanced down as he spoke, admiring his abs and the V-shaped muscles running down below his waistband. You made eye contact and started to slowly unhook your bra, letting it fall to the ground before tossing it to the floor.

He groaned softly, admiring the softness of your breasts and the perk of your nipples. You caught him staring and smiled, taking his hands into yours and placing them on you, urging him to touch you.

He sat up, capturing a nipple between his lips, leaving a trail of kisses along your breasts, cupping and massaging them in his hands. He kissed up your chest to your neck and found your lips again, kissing you slowly and passionately. He broke the kiss, glancing into your eyes with a look of raw, aching love.

"You know what would have happened if my mother didn't walk in?" He murmured, keeping his voice low and hushed, nearly a whisper.

You simply shook your head.

"I would've put my head between these thighs," he continued, squeezing them in his strong hands. "I would've made you giggle and squirm until you surrendered to my lips," he grabbed your hips and rocked you along his length, making your breath hitch in your throat.

"You would've gotten me pregnant," you chuckled, thinking back to how naive and innocent the two of you were, no idea of the consequences of what you had been attempting.

He smiled and grabbed your face gently, "then I would have made you my wife," he grinned and leaned forward, whispering against your lips, "and we would have grown old together, watching our little ones run through the village... a full happy life," he kissed you again.

He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "I always dreamed of waking up to your beautiful face every morning," he said softly. “Perhaps if time and circumstances treated us kindly…”

You felt a little sad at his words, imagining the perfect little life you could have had together. "I would have liked that," you said slowly, gazing into his kind eyes.

You held a gaze with him for a moment before kissing him again, reaching down to his pants, unbuttoning them with slow, careful movements. He watched as you tugged them down and off of his legs and then lowered down to kiss him again, rubbing your core against his length.

He pulled your panties to the side, tracing his fingers over your clit, rubbing it with slow and loving circles.

You broke the kiss, your forehead pressed against his, your eyes shut tightly as he pleasured you, massaging your clit with expertise. "‘lijah...," you let out a little moan. "Where did you learn that?"

He grinned, biting his lip as he watched the pleasure on your face. "I've been practicing with all these other women, waiting to have a chance with you." He replied.

You opened your eyes, an expression of faux hurt painted across your face. "Are you trying to say I was your last resort?"

He grabbed the back of your neck with a playful smirk, "you are my only choice, my love," he guided you back to his lips and kissed you deeply, his free hand cupping your ass, tugging you against him.

"Only choice," you repeated between kisses, grinding on his fingers as he pleased you.

"I love you, it was only ever you," he declared, his eyes scanning your face with intensity.

You smiled and stole another kiss from him. "Then, prove it," you whispered against his lips.

He grinned and pulled his hand away, suddenly ticking your sides again and making you laugh and whimper out playfully as he flipped you over onto your back.

You were laughing uncontrollably, grinning as you kissed him back while he tickled you. You gasped for air and submitted beneath him as he kissed and nipped his way down your body.

Finally, he made his way to your core, hooking a finger under the lace and pulling your panties down. He tossed them to the floor and dove in, draping your thighs over his shoulders, burying his mouth into you.

You gasped, laughing as you fell back onto the mattress, rocking your hips against him. He grinned up at you as he swiped his tongue over your clit.

"Allll these women, practice, and nothing to show for it," you sighed as you teased him, breathy and laced with laughter.

He looked up, a flash of competitiveness crossing his face as he eased two fingers inside you and nipped at the sensitive bundle of nerves.

Your teasing was replaced with mewls and moans as you ran your fingers through his hair and rode his tongue, soft curses and whispered pleas were all you managed to get out.

He closed his eyes and took his time, one hand around your thigh, stroking circles over your skin, while his tongue and fingers worked in union. He couldn't believe he had you, right here, and he intended to make you feel every bit of love he had to offer.

He smirked against your heat as you tightened your grip on his hair, pulling him closer, grinding your hips against his mouth. He has dreamed of this moment for one thousand years, but the real thing was so much better than he had ever imagined.

You trembled and squeezed your legs around him, moaning and gasping as you were pulled closer to your climax. He urged you on as you fucked his mouth, whimpering softly, your free hand bunched up the bed sheets.

The stimulation was too much as he hummed and sucked your clit, your body shaking from the intensity of your orgasm. Your thighs gripped his head like a vice and your body stiffened as you cried out his name, digging your heels into the bed to try and ride it out on his mouth.

You tugged his head away, panting and trying to regain control of your body, your head still spinning.

You gasped and laughed, covering your face.

He smirked, as he wiped his mouth on your thigh.

You smiled down at him, "okay…maybe one thousand years was enough time to gain some skill," you chuckled, pulling him close for a kiss.

His hands trailed over your breasts, slowly kneading them and rolling your nipples between his fingers. You mewled softly against his lips, your nails digging into his shoulders.

He kissed your forehead, your nose and along your jaw, sucking a hickey into the side of your neck, watching it instantly heal. He could do this forever, tasting your skin and listening to the perfect little sounds you made.

You pushed gently on his chest, urging him to lay down, which he did happily, holding your hand as he laid on his back.

You peppered kisses down his neck to his chest, biting at his firm chest muscles and kissing down his toned abs, making your way to his erection.

"I've learned some skills as well," you teased, pressing kisses up the side of his length, placing a final kiss to the tip.

He groaned softly, smiling down at you, "oh really? I'd love to see that," he whispered encouragingly.

You opened your mouth slowly and lowered down, taking him all the way into your mouth. He moaned softly, tilting his head back and biting his lip as his fingers tangled in your hair.

You swirled your tongue around him, using the tips of your fingers to stroke the base, glancing up to watch the way his body reacted to your movements.

His lips were parted, his eyes shut. As his breathing grew ragged he smiled softly, letting his head fall back against the pillows as you pleasured him.

You hummed, bobbing up and down along his shaft, savoring the sweet sounds that left his throat.

He began to tug on your hair, taking handfuls as you quickened the pace, licking and sucking enthusiastically, slurping as you sucked on the tip.

You released his cock with a pop, stroking and pumping him in your hand, using your spit to keep it slick. You traced your thumb over the head, tapping him against your tongue.

He moaned softly, gripping the headboard with his free hand, slowly bucking his hips.

You took him in again, one final time, swirling your tongue, bobbing and sucking, pushing him all the way down your throat.

He let out a long, sexy groan as he reached his peak. "Yes, darling, yes... just like that...I'm-" he grunted, before spilling over your tongue with a deep, guttural moan.

You swallowed, licking and sucking him, milking him completely before pulling off. He stared down at you, his face was clenched and contorted, an expression of pure pleasure painted across his features. Then he sat up slowly pulling you against him in a messy kiss.

"How was that?" You asked softly against his lips.

He grinned against your mouth and kissed you again, cradling your face. "I don't think there are words that could describe...," he took a moment to catch his breath before continuing, his eyes lidded, still high on his climax. "How much I love you," he whispered against your lips.

"I bet you say that to every girl that has given you good head," you teased.

He furrowed his brow, watching your little grin. "Do you think I use that word lightly?... I love you, only you...," he pressed his forehead to yours and closed his eyes.

You ran your fingers through his hair, studying his features as you smiled.

"I love you too, Elijah," you whispered, pressing a slow, caring kiss to his lips.

You found yourself suddenly overwhelmed with love, with the memory of all the lost time you had missed with him. Tears formed in your eyes as you kissed him, causing him to break the kiss.

He studied your expression with worry. "What's the matter?" He asked softly.

"I don't want to miss another day," you replied, brushing away your tears, a goofy smile across your face.

He smiled at you with a chuckle. "Well, darling, we just have one thousand years of catching up to do," he said softly, wiping away your tears. "Not to mention all the other days to come after,"

You let out a little laugh as he pulled you into his arms, his strong hands roaming over your curves as he flipped you back underneath him.

"I can't wait," you said breathlessly, pulling him down for a passionate kiss.

Elijah smiled against your lips and kept one hand at your waist as he dragged the tip of his cock over your pussy, drenched from the pleasure and anticipation. He eased in slowly, sinking inside your warm center and muffling a groan against your neck. You let out a soft sigh, feeling so complete now that you were finally connected.

He lifted his head and gazed into your eyes, placing a hand against your cheek as he started to thrust slowly. He was quiet as he rolled his hips, his gaze flickering between watching his cock slowly sliding in and out of you, covered in your wetness, and you, biting your lip, your eyes squeezed shut as he filled you.

You moaned at his size, already sensitive from your last orgasm, the stretch felt amazing, your nails digging into his firm muscles. His large hands were clutched around your hips, steadying you as he fucked you in a slow, gentle pace.

"Listen to you," he grinned, "making such beautiful sounds for me," he praised, nipping at your ear.

His words went straight to your core as your breathing grew raspy, squeezing his cock so tightly that you pushed him out of you, moaning quietly.

"Mmm," he bit his lip, tapping his cock against your clit and then ran it back and forth over your wetness, admiring the view before guiding his cock back into you. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" He asked softly, dropping a kiss to your forehead.

You shook your head, your eyes still shut. "No, you are just...very well-endowed, that's all," you giggled..

He rocked inside you for a moment, his hands gripping your hips. "Should I stop?" He whispered.

"Don't you dare stop, you owe me one thousand years of this," you cupped his cheek, pulling his face to yours, pressing your lips together.

"Who am I to deny you?" He kissed you slowly, his tongue danced with yours as he found his rhythm again, thrusting deep, his hands holding your thighs open.

He bit your lip and gazed at you, still not totally believing the vision of beauty beneath him.

The pure sexual lust that had built up between you paired with the overflowing love you felt for each other, made everything more intense. Your orgasms building, the clench around his length, the grip of your hands on his muscles. It felt like time had stopped for you both, existing only in the carnal moment you were sharing.

He moaned as you tightened around him, pushing your knees up to your waist to deepen his thrust. He trailed one hand down your soft skin and ran a thumb over your swollen clit, rubbing it in slow, tender circles.

You gasped and whimpered out his name, you were so sensitive and yet were so close to tumbling over again, "please, don't stop," you whispered urgently, a pleading look in your eyes.

He pressed a kiss to your forehead, and continued rubbing your clit, rolling his hips, giving you long, passionate strokes.

"That's it, that's it," he whispered through grunts. "Just like that, my darling," he breathed, lowering down to kiss you.

The love you made was passionate and sweet, soft and timid. It felt like it was all meant to be, pure, passionate love, made only for each other.

He used all his willpower to hold back his own, wanting to feel you release around him. Your body slowly stiffened, squeezing around his length, making him moan deeply. He didn't stop moving, encouraging you with gentle words in your ear and kisses to your cheek.

He couldn't hold on any longer, feeling you twitch, your mouth hung open in a silent moan as you reached your peak. A quiet, guttural groan rumbled deep in his chest as he spilled his warm cum inside you.

He pressed his forehead to yours as he breathed heavily, whispering sweet praises and confessions as you both held one another, sharing small and gentle kisses.

He rolled on to his side, bringing you with him, keeping you connected and moving your thigh over his hip to bury himself deeper. Neither of you wanted to let go of the feeling of being joined.

He snaked one arm behind your back to draw you even closer, and reached the other up to brush your hair out of your face. He kissed you deeply and ran his fingertips over your soft skin, moving them up and down your back as you looked into one another's eyes.

"That was..." you sighed happily.

"Yeah..." He smiled softly and let his eyes wander over your features, as if trying to sear it into his brain.

"I can't believe we waited so long to do this," you whispered, stroking your hands up and down his arms.

"Our days of waiting are over," he smiled softly, leaning down to kiss you again. His mouth on yours, swallowing your little moans, his fingers stroking your sides, both of you completely consumed by the other.

The room was dimly lit, candle flames casting a warm glow around you. Time finally gave you a break, let you have this moment you both were longing for all these years.

He loved you. You loved him, and now you were finally together. After one thousand years, it was well worth the wait.

♡♡ Tag-List ♡♡

♡ @gorgeouslydangerous ♡ @starkleila ♡ @lydia1369sworld ♡ @notleylaaa ♡ @vampiresluv ♡ @vamprium ♡ @myanmy ♡ @xflowerbombxo ♡ @maryvibess ♡ @always-and-forever-daydreaming ♡ @criminallminds ♡ @theesexystallion ♡ @rosemarypotion ♡ @spnaquakindgdom ♡ @amournoir ♡ @loving-and-dreaming ♡

♡ @meeom ♡ @damienmorton ♡ @wickedmuse ♡ @sunkissedebony97 ♡ @idk00sblog ♡ @savannaounana ♡ @cs-please ♡ complicatedandconfusing-25 @hamiltimes ♡ @akala6670229 ♡ @yeaiamme2 ♡ @itsjulzandmydiamonds ♡ @spideysbabe

#elijah mikaelson #the originals #the vampire diaries #vampire diaries #tvdu #elijah mikaelson smut #elijah mikaelson imagine #elijah mikealson imagine #elijah mikealson #elijah mikaelson x reader #elijah mikealson x reader #tvd #the vampire diaries x you #the vampire diaries x reader #the vampire diares imagine #the vampire diaries imagine #the originals imagine

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cookinguptales · 1 year ago

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As someone who grew up in a bilingual household where we spoke English but also signed, the part of Mabel and Theo's relationship that fascinates me the most is the communication, or lack thereof.

I'm mostly hearing (...sort of...) but grew up around a lot of d/Deaf people, CODAs, interpreters, etc. so while I can't give any input on the experience of profound deafness, I can at least tell apart different styles of signing. It's a little hard to tell sometimes how much of this is characterization vs. the skill level of the actors, but it is interesting.

Teddy Dimas does not sign fluidly. It's immediately obvious. It's not that he's terrible or that he can't be understood... it's just that there are a lot of tells that he does not sign as a primary language. The terseness of the signs, the deliberateness. You can tell that there's a second of thought before each sign, a jerky sort of compactness to them, that's common with people who learn to sign later in life. (Or who don't get a ton of practice with it.)

Signing, when you do it right, requires the use of your whole body. That can be hard for hearing people, who are generally used to more restrained movements. Teddy Dimas has never quite lost that restraint. He still can't go all in, not with his signing or his parenting.

I always thought this was really interesting, because it means that Teddy most likely learned to sign for his son (tragically uncommon with hearing parents of Deaf children) but that he still can't quite translate his thoughts properly into sign language. He can't quite get his emotions through to his son. There's a barrier there between them, and it seems to be largely one that Teddy's erected -- until Theo starts snapping back.

What I'm getting at is that Teddy has always forcibly drawn his son into his world instead of immersing himself in Theo's, and it shows. And it has really harmed their relationship, in more ways than one.

Zoe... we don't see a ton of her signing, but there does seem to be something somewhat performative about it. It's more fluid, like perhaps she's done it her whole life, but there's also something sort of... idk, false about it? And I wonder if that's just Zoe. It felt like she was always covering up her true feelings of loneliness and emptiness with a flamboyant personality, and the little flourishes to her signing seem to convey that as well. Her signing feels almost theatrical to me.

Theo and Mabel, though... I've always loved that episode where they go to Coney Island together. I get the criticism that Theo said at the beginning that he couldn't understand much of what she said when he was reading lips -- and then she proceeded to just talk at him for the rest of the episode anyway. But to me, at least, that always seemed like it was kind of the point. They couldn't understand each other, not fully, and that was something soothing to them.

There's something healing, I think, about shouting into the void. Letting out all of your most personal, complicated feelings without fear of repercussion or judgement. Talking into the wind because you know it won't talk back. You need to feel that echo but also know that it won't be heard.

I think there was some of that there in their initial relationship. Both of them desperately needed to talk, to get everything off their chests, but both of them also have trouble opening up to others due to trauma. So I think speaking to someone who couldn't understand them was, in some ways, ideal. They could make a human connection while keeping it fairly impersonal. They could unload without fear of judgement -- or worse, understanding.

Oddly, I think their mutual need to communicate without being understood was the one thing they understood best about each other. They could sense each other's loneliness and wariness and inability to trust that they could tell someone something important without it being used against them -- because their love and their trust have always been used against them.

So maybe in a way, their inability to talk to each other was actually what helped them communicate on a deeper level...?

Still, though. Still. I was so pleased to see that Mabel is learning more sign language so she can talk to Theo. She's got a long way to go, but no one learns to sign overnight. She's making progress, and you can tell that Theo appreciates it. There are still times where he gets too excited and signs too fast and she doesn't catch all of it, and there are times when she gets so wrapped up in her own soliloquies that she forgets that you have to face Deaf people while talking to them, but there's a familiarity to it now. When he signs too fast, she smiles and teases him. When she talks too quickly or forgets to sign or turns away from him, he just smiles and sighs and shakes his head. Then waits for her to come back.

Theo finds it irritating, obviously, but also understands that it's just... Mabel. She spends so much time in her own head that she has trouble communicating even with people who speak her language, as evidenced with Tobert. And maybe Theo does understand her in ways that others can't. Maybe it's the very fact that he accepts that he can't always understand her that makes her feel comfortable with him.

I also have to wonder, y'know... Has anyone ever learned to sign for him before, other than his father, who clearly saw it as a burden? Has anyone ever seen him as worth the effort of learning, not out of an obligation to speak to him but a desire to? No wonder he's being patient with her. I wonder if anyone has ever put in as much effort for him as she already has. It makes me so sad to think about, because what she's doing now is so... bare minimum. Theo has been so desperately alone, and so much of that is because his father isolated him. It's because no one else ever reached out. :(

idk, it just makes me happy that these two people who originally bonded over their inability to communicate are now comfortable enough with each other to try actually talking. There's something so shy and so joyful about it. I love that for them, especially Theo.

I don't want him to be alone anymore!! I want him to have someone he can talk to, whom he trusts enough to talk to, who thinks he's worth learning to talk to back!

Their odd brand of bilingual communication (or lack thereof) is just fascinating to me. ;;

#omitb #omitb spoilers #only murders in the building #long post #look I'm not going to pretend to be an expert #I learned to sign from parents and siblings and babysitters and a WHOLE bunch of nuns #some of whom knew ASL and some SEE #I never had formal training because I just learned kind of... organically I guess #and my signing is VERY pidgin #I can talk to my family obviously but I'm never going to call myself an expert #but these are my thoughts at least

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multifandomfanficss · 11 months ago

Text

It’s About Time

Ed Nygma/The Riddler x Reader

Prompt: Ed offers to help you with time management when you tell him you’re stressed at work. Your conversation is interrupted by an attack on the GCPD by the Maniax.

Warnings: Mentions of murder, cannibalism, r*pists, abuse, and general graphic violence. Gotham typical violence. Mental health struggles. Sensory issues and meltdowns common with autism. Panic. Near death experiences. Claustrophobia. References to being buried alive. Nightmares.

A/N: I’m rewatching Gotham and I didn’t realize the missed potential for hurt/comfort the first time I watched this show 7 years ago. My work load has been really heavy lately, but this show broke me out of my writers block and I made time for the writing bug. This takes place in the middle of Ed’s Riddler arc. He hasn’t fully become the Riddler yet, but he has already made his first kill. The reader has qualities of an autistic person, but is not explicitly said to be autistic. I accidentally code a lot of my characters to be autistic because I am, but this was more intentional to reflect Ed’s autistic coding. Feel free to read into it or not! You don’t have to be autistic to read and hopefully enjoy this! Crossposted on my AO3 adriansglasses.

“I’ve been so stressed lately.” You sigh. “It’s like I can’t get anything done that I actually need to get done.” You stand in the hallway of the precinct talking to your friend Ed. You were stressing about this case and Jim Gordon was making you go through hundreds of old files for him. You were never part of the real action, but the horrifying crime scene photos and evidence you had to pull through everyday was taking a toll on you. Gordon’s time crunches never helped either. You understood that lives were often on the line, but that didn’t make it any easier.

“What can some people never get enough of and others say is too much? What has the ability to fly when having fun or is stuck completely frozen when you need it to move?” He smiles. You stare at him blankly. You had not been getting enough sleep. You loved hearing his riddles, but you were never the best at giving him the answers. It was so hard for your mind to keep track of it all. “Do you give up?” He asks.

“My brain just isn’t braining right now.” You laugh. “What’s the answer?”

“Time.” He beams, happy with himself. “You should try to implement a better time management plan. You look tired all the time. It’s like you’re not even sleeping.”

“Thanks, Ed.” You give a dry laugh.

“You know what I mean.” You nod in an agreement with him. “You might be the only person who usually knows what I mean.” He says, fiddling with his fingers and the buttons on his coat.

He was right. Nobody quite seemed to get him, but nobody quite seemed to get you either. You had always felt this odd draw to him that you could never quite explain. Truthfully you think you have feelings for him, but you always bury them. He saw you as a friend and he really needed a friend. Besides he had been pinning over Kristen since before you even got to the precinct. You had mixed feelings towards her. On one hand you felt bad for her. She was always getting mixed up with shitty boyfriends who treated her poorly, but on the other hand she had a mean streak. You never liked how she treated Ed. It was like he wasn’t a person with feelings to her and that made you so angry.

“You’re right. I haven’t been sleeping.” You tell him.

“Why is that?” He asks.

“We live in Gotham. With the terrifying shit we see everyday, I don’t know how anyone sleeps.”

“Are you having nightmares again?” He asks, his face painted with concern.

“It’s fine. It’s just work stress. It’s just this case. I’m fine.” You smile. It wasn’t a real smile. Your smiles always came so naturally around Ed that he knew something was off. He was about to press when you heard gunshots coming from down the hall. Your body immediately froze like a dear in headlights in the middle of the hallway.

You’ve had violent people in the precinct before and it always made you nervous, but this was different. The Maniax were on the loose and you knew they were too unhinged to care about survivors or bargains. With Jerome Valeska at the helm, along side cannibals, rapists, and murderers you were terrified. They’d escaped from Arkham days ago and already managed to murder dozens of people. This was far too close to the action for you, as you heard Jerome’s laugh bellowing down the hall from the bullpen; a laugh you remembered from one of your early cases at the precinct. You had felt bad for him and tried to help him when his mother died. You will never forget the laugh he let out when Jim realized he wasn’t as innocent as you’d thought. It ran a chill through your spine.

Everything started moving too fast when you realized you were being pulled down the hall quickly. Once you realized you were holding hands, you tightly grasped Ed’s hand, not wanting to be separated from him. He brings you further down the hall into the ME’s lab.

“W-where are we going?” You stutter. It’s like your mouth can’t keep up with your racing mind.

“Do you trust me?” He looks at you trying to stay calm.

“Ed, what are you doing?” You’re panicking. He can tell. It’s not hard to tell, as your hands fidget and your breathing is heavy. You’re trying to stay calm.

“(Y/N), I need you to trust me.” He places his hands on your shoulders in an effort to ground you with the pressure. You close your eyes and nod, hesitantly. You do trust him.

Ed runs to the cold lockers and opens one, checking to see if it’s empty. He finds a dead body inside. You cringe. Seeing bodies is rare for you and you’re still getting used to it.

“Oh dear… okay… second times the charm…” He mumbles to himself trying to find an empty locker. “Bingo!” He smiles, finding an empty one. The wheels start to turn in your head.

“No! I’m not getting in there!” Your panic increases. Ed shushes you.

“This is our best chance. I promise I’ll let you out as soon as I can.”

“We won’t be together?” Your eyes start to burn. You try to keep back tears. You’re shaking.

“We won’t both fit in the same one. I’m gonna go in the one above you-“

“No no please I- I don’t wanna be by myself! Please don’t leave me!” You cut him off and beg him. Ed awkwardly rubs his thumbs across your shoulders where he places his hands again, still trying to ground you. It’s awkward, but it’s still somewhat calming.

“I’m not leaving you. I would never leave you. I’ll be right next to you the whole time. I promise. I need you to trust me.” You’re not sure if it’s because it’s life or death, or if it’s because it’s Ed, but you reluctantly let him help your shaking body into the mortuary cabinet. When it comes time to let go of his hand and close the cabinet, you don’t want to. Despite quickly running out of time, he knows he needs to be patient. He knows how hard this is for you. He’s always known you’re a bit claustrophobic. He had no idea one of your worst fears was being buried alive. Being stuck in a cold locker wasn’t too far from either of those things. He can hear footsteps far down the hall. The Maniax were never subtle. He kisses the hand he’s holding quickly before closing your locker and climbing into his own. You were surprised by the kiss, but you couldn’t think about that right now and what it could have meant. Your mind couldn’t keep up. He had to leave his own locker unlocked, unable to properly close it from the inside, but he locked yours to make it look more convincing.

When Ed heard you cry, he began to whisper, hoping he could be loud enough for you to hear, but quiet enough for the Maniax to not notice. “It’s okay, (Y/N). I’m still here.” It was enough to quiet your sobs. Tears silently streamed down your cheeks. Ed’s voice had a certain gentleness to it when he spoke to you. He was being especially gentle now. You had seen him angry, upset, anxious, energetic, but his calm voice was reserved for you. Even in this moment when he was admittedly not very calm, he was trying his best to mask his own fears to keep you safe.

You always reserved parts of yourself for each other; parts of yourselves that the other person enabled you to be. You were never as bold as you wanted to be, but when people were rude to Ed you stuck up for him. He brought out a more confident version of you. For Ed, he knew you struggled with staying calm when you were stressed, upset, anxious or scared, even when you were happy. All of your emotions were so big and you rarely knew how to contain them. He tried to stay calm because he knew you saw him as a calming person in your life. He liked being your hero when everyone else only saw him as a weak, odd, nuisance. He also liked that he could read you and that you were honest with him. He trusted you and it helped keep the voice in his head at bay. He didn’t have to question himself with you. He didn’t have to take advice from the voice in his head.

You tried to keep your meltdown as quiet as possible when you heard footsteps approach. They were heavy, not ones you recognized. You knew it had to be one of the Maniax, probably the cannibal. You tried to make your breath as quiet as possible. After what you assume was a poor sweep of the room, the man leaves.

After what seems like hours of being trapped in a corpse you finally hear sirens and then chatter. You hear Ed climb out of the locker above you. He opens your locker and you let out an audible sob.

“I think they’ve gone.” He says, pulling out the drawer to let your body get some much needed air. You start gasping and sobbing, shaking on the drawer of the mortuary cabinet. Your body jolts up. You just want to get away from the locker.

“You’re okay! You’re okay!” Ed catches your body, as your start to fall from the drawer to the floor. You sit on the floor and cling to him, sobbing. At first awkward, he runs his hand along your back, trying to sooth you with the repetitive motion.

“I felt like I was dead- like- like I was gonna get buried alive-“ You gasp for air, sobbing between your words. Ed shushes you.

“We’re okay. They’re gone.” He promises.

You hear fast approaching footsteps. Your brain is moving too fast to decide if the footsteps are familiar or not. You just bury yourself further into Ed’s chest.

“Detective Gordon is here.” He informs you and you relax only slightly.

“Nygma, are they okay?” Jim asks.

“No mortal wounds, they’re just a bit shaken up.” He lets him know.

“You two should probably still get checked out. I need to finish scanning the building for everyone else. So far we’ve got 9 cops dead in the bullpen and… and the commissioner is dead.” He says. It’s almost like you hear Jim, but you don’t. Your mind can’t keep up with anything that’s happening.

After a while you find yourself sitting, waiting for Lee to check you out. Ed had been pulled away for a few minutes to do his job. He didn’t want to leave you, but you assured him you were fine. You didn’t feel fine, but you knew they needed him. As long as you could see him on the other side of the bullpen, you were reluctant, but okay with him stepping away. He left his jacket draped around your shoulders. It helped to be surround by his smell and warmth.

When it was time to go home, Ed guided you to his car. You hadn’t spoken much, but at least you’d finally stopped crying. The car ride was quiet. The only thing that filled the air was Ed’s occasional hum with the radio. Neither of you quite knew what to say. It was a bit ironic considering usually nobody could ever get you two to shut up. You didn’t speak up until he turned onto your street.

“I don’t want to go home.” You said quietly, feeling the panic rise again at the thought of being alone at home again.

“That’s understandable. Would you like to stay at my place?” He asks. You nod, silently. He flicks his turn signal and starts the drive to his place.

“Welcome to Château Nygma.” He smiles, turning on the light. You still have his jacket wrapped around your shoulders. Despite the terror you’ve been through today, his smile is refreshing. You don’t question how he can stay so seemingly sane in times like these, but you’re just glad somebody is. You need that. Maybe you should have questioned it, but you didn’t. He has a nice apartment. It’s not too big. Why would it be for a man who lived by himself? It’s just the right size with cool windows and a comfortable setup.

“Do you want something to eat? I’m a good cook.” He smiles. You don’t know how he can continue to smile, but you’re glad. It starts to make you feel safer. It’s nice to be in a locked apartment with just you and Ed. It’s nice to be in a quiet, secluded place, but not feel alone. It’s far better than sitting on your bed, scared of any serial killers that could be hiding underneath the frame and jumping at any people you hear in the stairwell of your apartment, with an open case file sitting next to you, worried the killers you’re reading about could be onto you any second. Today was a very close call. Too close.

“If you’re not sure, that’s okay too.” He continues, noticing you’re deep in thought.

“Oh…uh yeah… I’m not sure what I want… It’s like my body needs things, but I’m just a little bit too overwhelmed to figure it out.” You look down, shyly.

“Do you want to just sit? I can put on some music?” He questions referencing the record player with his hands.

“That sounds okay. I think I can do that.” You nod. He puts on some quiet music, not too loud to overstimulate you and you make your way to the couch. He brings you a glass of water.

“I can imagine it might be hard for you to have an appetite given your increased levels of adrenaline today, but you should at least drink this.” You take the water from him and begin to sip it. You didn’t realize how nice cold water could feel. You drink it quickly, before setting the glass down.

“Thank you.”

Ed sits down and you gravitate towards him.

“How do you do it?” You ask.

“How do I do what?” He looks for clarification.

“Your job. There’s so much death everywhere.”

“I don’t know. I just sort of do. Honestly I think it’s fascinating…” He pauses, looking away from you. “Sorry. That probably sounds weird.”

“It does, but that’s okay. I like the fact that you’re different and you’re honest. It’s comforting. You’re a better man than all of those crooked cops walking around beating up women and mobsters alike.”

“You think so?” He asks.

“Yeah, I do.” You smile. This time it’s a real smile. Ed smiles too. It’s nice to know after everything he’s done for you to make you comfortable, you can say something to make him feel better.

“I’m sorry all of this has been so awful for you.” He says.

“I know we’re doing good and it’s important to do good in a world of so much bad, but sometimes I just wish nobody had to do it. I can’t even fathom what would make somebody what kill another person. Maybe out of necessity, but it scares me that people actually enjoy it.”

“Yeah.” Ed shifts uncomfortably. You think he must agree with you and that’s why he’s unconformable. You don’t know that he killed Officer Doherty for abusing Kristen just over a month ago.

The two of you talk for quite some time until you end up falling asleep next to him on the couch. He doesn’t mind when you fall into his lap. He lets you sleep, smiling down at you. He didn’t dare move. He didn’t want to wake you. He was afraid of breathing too deeply and shifting too much underneath you. He eventually falls asleep sitting up with you still in his lap.

Everything is peaceful until you shoot up screaming, in a cold sweat. You’ve had another nightmare. This time is different. You’re disoriented. You don’t know where you are. You feel hands touching you.

“(Y/N), it’s me! It’s Ed! You had another nightmare.” You look at his face to see him distraught, unsure of what to do. Your tossing and turning had woken him up. He was awake only seconds before you.

Your eyes begin to well with tears. “I just want it to stop. When will all of this stop?” You cry.

“When will what stop?” He asks.

“Everything! I just want to stop feeling like this. I want to stop being afraid. I should be used to the job by now.”

“Maybe you just need more time to get used to it! I know we talked about time management earlier. I can help you with your schedule.” He offers.

“I don’t want to manage my time. I just want it to freeze. I just wish time would freeze so I could just breathe and catch up!”

Ed looks at you defeated. He doesn’t know what to say. He likes riddles because riddles always have answers. He doesn’t know what to do when there’s a problem with no solution.

“I’m sorry.” He settles with saying. “Would a hug help?” He’s just grasping at anything he’s seen people do when trying to comfort other people with problems and no solutions.

“Yes.” You say quietly, burying your head in his chest. Despite being the one to offer the hug, he’s a little awkward at first. He eventually settles in.

“Is this helping?” He asks.

“Yes.” You tell him. Of course, Ed being who he is, even now he’s still looking for a solution. He doesn’t realize he may be the solution, or at least someone to help make the problem smaller. “You always help.” You add.

“I’m sure most of our coworkers would disagree.” He laughs.

“I never thanked you for earlier today.” You say quietly.

“It was nothing.” He smiles.

“No, Ed. Keeping me safe in a life or death situation isn’t nothing.”

“I’m sure anyone would have done it.” He argues.

“No, they wouldn’t have.” You tell him.

“I’ll always protect you.” He pulls you closer, shifting awkwardly underneath you. “You know… my apartment is always open if you want to sleep with me- I- I mean sleep with me in attendance- I- I mean sleep with each other- I- I mean near each other- you know! In case you have nightmares!”

“I might just have to take you up on that. This is the first night I’ve felt okay enough to be able to maybe go back to sleep afterwards.” You smile, trying not to laugh. You don’t want him to think you’re making fun of him. Truthfully you think he’s sweet and funny.

“You should go back to sleep and since I didn’t get to make you dinner I’ll be making you the best breakfast of your life tomorrow.” He beams.

“You better.” You snuggle into him. Ed is too awkward to suggest you go lay in his bed tonight and you’re too tired to care. You spend the rest of the night on the couch together. You can save the bed for tomorrow night. You know when you wake up in the morning you’ll be coming back. It was the most sleep you’ve gotten in weeks.

Ed wakes up before you and sneaks off the couch to start breakfast. He truthfully was a very good cook. His own sensory issues with food made him very particular about how it’s prepared. You wake up to the smell of something good in the oven. Ed is nowhere to be seen, but you hear him in the bathroom. He’s talking. You knew he often talked to himself, but he sounded like he was talking to someone else. Maybe he was on the phone. You were sure you were hearing one half of a conversation.

“I told you we could trust them. They like me for me. They think I’m a good man.”

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