#namfinessed

[namfinessed]

untitled - j.jk.

genre: angst, fluff (firstlove! slowburn!) (11.5k)

summary: jungkook was your first love but first loves were supposed to end, they were supposed to be a fond memory to look back on but your first love never leaves your life, nor does he stay in it.

note: this is inspired from my first love <3

masterpost

even if years, ages, and places separate you, maybe you’ll love jungkook all over again every time.

you had met him in school, in college, on a different continent but he never stayed in your life for too long, and you hadn’t stayed in his either.

but now that you believe you wouldn’t see him again, only because you were standing next to your soon-to-be-husband, you believe your never-pausing story needed to be told.

and oh, would you look at that? it seems like jungkook has entered the venue to hear it too.

-

it was the 9th grade when you first met him.

it was simple and so innocent.

you had your new school bag resting behind you, and your shoulders kept knocking against your sisters as the bus drove on the road and abruptly stopped at a place that it never did before; down the lane from your home.

you curiously looked out and heard your bus manager faintly mumbling something about a new student joining the bus.

and there he was, a head full of bouncy hair and a smile that wasn’t exactly present. even as he walked the length of the bus with his head down, he didn’t give off insecurity, it was more like he avoided looking at most people.

he sat down, right behind you, his legs stretching could be seen under your seat and you didn’t look back just yet. you had no idea why.

your sister, sunny, turned around, hand clasping the seat, and eagerly asked, “you’re in B section, aren’t you?” your ears perked up at that, and you subtly leaned in to listen to him.

why you had been curious at all about someone whose face you hadn’t seen, is something that was beyond you but you were consumed inside out with curiosity from the beginning.

he nods at your sister and doesn’t offer another word but when you tilt your head to look back, you see him looking right at you.

that’s when it all began, there were no words at all, just a boy who hadn’t looked at anyone but looked at you as if he could draw you the very next second.

-

your sister, ever the extrovert, talked to jungkook every day, they laughed and made fun of each other, you smiled at their conversations but never contributed yourself. you listened though, and you listened well.

by week two, you knew how he sounded when he was bored.

you knew how his voice hitched when he was excited.

you knew how his voice would get low whenever he pulled a sarcastic joke on your sister.

jungkook’s eyes would dance to the back of your head, wrapped neatly in a ponytail every single morning, to see if you would turn back, to see if he could catch a glance of those small smiles you let out sometimes but most days, he would just talk loud enough for you to hear about him.

he never understood why he had wanted you to listen, but he couldn’t tell you anything directly, and he wanted to look cool, sound cool, make jokes in a cool way, in a way that would make you laugh and once he got home, he always felt ridiculous for feeling that way.

and then, as if a miracle, your sister didn’t come to school one morning, jungkook could see you alone, ponytail brushed back as always, school bag resting on your thighs, and felt a stabbing need to hear your voice, talking to him.

he settled behind you, legs stretching again and his fingers danced on his thighs as he thought of a way to talk to you, just then your head tilted slightly, as if you were trying to catch a look at him and jungkook felt his smile burn into his skin.

“why did sunny not come today?” you jumped as he fully leaned on the back of your seat, your eyes drifted to his face, “she’s not well.”

those were the first words you had ever spoken to him.

“why is she not well?” was not his best, but he needed to keep it going.

sunny was on her period.

“stomach ache,” you murmured, ignoring how his eyes twinkled with each word that escaped out of you. you hadn’t believed that eyes could twinkle up until that day, but then again you think you’ve never seen jungkook’s eyes twinkle with anyone else.

“she must’ve eaten something bad, didn’t she? she seems the type to be careless like that,” jungkook snickered and your face grew red hot, “what she eats or doesn’t eat, isn’t any of your business.”

your tone, your eyes narrowing sharply to glare at him, was a sight jungkook would get used to later, but for now, he didn’t know how to react.

he was taken aback that you had gotten so serious over a simple joke, then it clicked to jungkook that you were one of those oddly protective people. nothing else could explain your red cheeks and furrowed eyebrows.

and he grew giddy.

you were oddly protective.

a new thing he got to learn about you because he had conjured up the courage to start a conversation.

“my bad,” he shrugs into his seat, and his nonchalant response makes you feel guilty, so you sigh and turn back fully to face him.

that was the first time you saw him straight on, with no sideway glances, no peripheral view of him, just his face and nothing else.

“you have adam sir for physics too, right?”

it was something you picked up from the multiple conversations you overheard.

“um yeah?” he wasn’t sure where you were going with this, “does he come into your class with chalk on suspicious places too?”

you were talking about your dear adam sir who constantly came to class with chalk all over the front and back of his pants crotch area, everyone but adam sir himself knew about his crotch chalk.

and jungkook laughs out loud, “oh my god, yes, i don’t know whether to be horrified or mildly impressed with his lack of self-awareness,” and you laughed too.

when you stopped and looked at him once more, he was already looking at you and the smile on your face didn’t break until you reached home.

-

it was normal now, you and sunny would turn around, talk to jungkook until you reached school, and then wait for the evening, when you could talk to him until you reached home.

you were quick to anger, he noticed.

you often fought with guys in your grade with a rage that both scared and fascinated jungkook.

you were calm with people you liked, you were fun with people you liked, you were passionate about things you believed in.

you always were a bit frustrated with him, but you still laughed at his jokes.

he was sarcastic, you noticed.

he had no interest in most things.

he didn’t like drama but always knew everything about everyone.

he always looked at you after he made a joke, as if to check if you thought it was funny, if you thought he was funny.

and you would always laugh, he would always feel a seed of pride in him whenever you turned away, hiding your laughing face in your palms.

you knew he liked you; you weren’t oblivious or stupid.

you’re not sure who he told or how it even came out, but suddenly, everyone around you knew about it.

the rumors started a month after you talked to him, you had known him for six weeks which felt like six years, but you didn’t like him back.

he knew that you didn’t like him back.

but that didn’t stop him from trying to look cool to you.

something his friends never let him succeed at.

on children’s day, you were allowed to wear anything besides your uniform, and that was a very exciting thing then, you always wore your best outfits because your mom believed in looking good and feeling good.

you were standing in the middle of the ground, waiting for your friends to come back from getting food when someone tapped swiftly on your shoulder, it was one of jungkook’s friends, smiling at you as if he knew you. you didn’t know the guy; you only knew he was jungkook’s friend.

“hey, could you take a photo for us?” he mused, you almost said no, but then you peeked around him, to see jungkook with his very huge group of friends, he wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at everything but you.

it confused you.

his friend’s smile got wider when he noticed you staring at jungkook, you ignored him and took the phone dangling from his hands, you watched as they all got closer and started smiling.

jungkook’s smile was so small, so invisible, so you yelled, “smile everyone!” and you tried not to smile too when his smile took over his entire face until you couldn’t see anything else.

“thanks,” his friend came and took his phone, jungkook left, eyes glancing over his shoulder where you stood, an unavoidable warmth spread through your fingers.

but you didn’t like him.

not the way he liked you.

right?

-

“he likes you, he told his friends and well, they told my friends, who told me,” sunny rambled beside you, shifting through her closet and you didn’t know what to say, “do you like him?” she turned around to you, eyebrows raised as if she judged you a little if you did, and you shrugged.

“no, how can anyone like him?”

-

you had people who admired you, liked you even, but very few were honest or brave about it.

so, when the sister of a guy who you thought was only your friend, knocked on the window of your seat, you were confused. she smiled, “this is for you,” she pushed a letter, bracelet, and chocolate into your hands once you opened it, running away before you could ask anything.

you saw your friend peeking from the corner of a bus, watching your reaction to his confession, you looked away and shoved the letter and bracelet into the front pocket of your bag.

jungkook watched the whole exchange silently, a strange jealousy settled in his stomach as he looked out the window to glare at your friend, who sadly only had his eyes on you. then, he watched you and tried to understand what you felt from the back.

it wasn’t easy.

his friend gasped and howled next to him, “she got a letter, bro” he teased jungkook loud enough for you to hear, jungkook waited for you to turn around and tell his friend to shut up and mind his own business.

but you didn’t, you didn’t get angry like you usually did.

you were hyper-focused on the bracelet resting in your bag, and jungkook scoffed at it, he could do better, he won’t, but he could.

“she got a letter and you’re still just sitting here,” his friend tutted at him and jungkook shrugged his friend’s arm around his shoulder, scowling at him.

you rested your head on your window and closed your eyes, letting the warmth of the sun penetrate you.

when it was just the two of you on the bus, he leaned forward, “he wrote you a letter?”

“yeah, he did.” it was embarrassing to tell jungkook for some reason, it felt like cheating, receiving a letter from someone else when he was right behind you, though none of those feelings held any validity.

“he gave you a bracelet and chocolate? that’s just childish,” he snickered and expected you to laugh with him but you didn’t, “we’re still kids,” you mumbled instead, and jungkook straightened.

“do you like him?”

“no.”

“do you like anyone?”

“no.”

“why?” he stood with his bag in his hands, the bus waiting for him to get down and you didn’t notice his nervous stammer then, you were too confused by the bracelet and chocolate in your bag.

“i just don’t.” he nodded and left.

you kept the letter and bracelet in your school memories box.

-

somewhere jungkook knew that you knew, but he was always grateful that you acted like you didn’t know.

but it was unbearable for him.

seeing your swaying ponytail every morning, hearing your laughter ring in his ears at times when you weren’t even around him, driving by your house a few fifty times a day to see if you were talking in the balcony sometimes because you did that sometimes, sometimes it felt to jungkook that you did it for him.

sometimes you did it for him, for him to see you.

why?

no one knows.

you and jungkook were friends, only friends.

you and him were friends, but you never talked when others besides sunny were around, your conversations were yours and his, and no one else’s.

you weren’t sure that was how friendships worked, but you thought maybe friendship with jungkook worked this way.

he had your number but he never called, you had his number but you never called.

but one day, right before your final exams started, your phone rang and your heart stopped when you saw his name flash on your screen, you stared at the screen until your phone stopped ringing and didn’t touch your phone until it was night.

you opened it to several messages from jungkook and none of them were about school or the annoying kids on the bus or his annoying friends or your annoying friends.

jungkook: i like you.

jungkook: i think you know that. but i wanted to tell you.

jungkook: i know that you don’t like me, but i like you and i’ve tried to avoid it, but i see you every day, and i can’t avoid you, i can’t avoid how i feel.

jungkook: if you somehow like me, reply to this, if you don’t, don’t. just act as if nothing happened when we see each other tomorrow.

you couldn’t study anymore that night.

the next day, you turned back with sunny and talked to him as if nothing happened, you complained about your syllabus, he laughed that he didn’t even open his books, and sunny bragged that she finished everything and helped him with some important topics.

you ignored the pull in your heart at how openly his affection showed in his eyes now when he looked at you, his sentiment was simple, he had said his bit, and he had nothing to hide anymore but you grew heavy on that seat in front of him, you had everything to hide.

sunny squeezed your hand as you looked out the window.

she knew what happened.

your eyes filled with affection too, gave it away.

-

why did you never tell jungkook that maybe, just maybe, just a small part of you, a part of you that you wanted to destroy, liked him too?

you never understood why your sentiment cowered under layers whereas his laid naked in the world.

and middle school for you, high school for him, came close to ending by the time you ever confronted your feelings.

it was the last day for middle schoolers, you had a whole event thing in the school and dressed up accordingly, you had gone to school with your dad.

but once the day ended, you got onto the bus with a shirt full of your classmates' signatures and notes, you were a little late and flushed from the sun, you plopped down on your seat and fanned yourself.

sunny pulled the scribbled shirt from your hands, “god, you really filled it up,” you pointed to each signature and note, explaining who it was from, and when a huge note from some guy in the class who liked you came, sunny teased you and jungkook glared at the back of her head.

but a knot of sadness formed in his throat, he wouldn’t see you every day after this, he wouldn’t see you sleep on the bus, he wouldn’t hear the r-rated jokes that you whispered to sunny, thinking that no one could hear, he wouldn’t hear you silently cry after a bad day.

to jungkook, today felt like the end of a lifetime.

then you turned around, with tired eyes and a shy but carefree smile, you extended the shirt to him and said, “write something good, jungkook.” he felt as if he was going to fall off his seat.

his name in your voice was something he would remember for years to come.

he asked for a pen because of course, jungkook didn’t carry a pen in his bag that had one notebook, you scoffed and gave him one and he thought for very long.

i love you, felt wrong to write on a shirt that was littered with other people’s love for you.

and as he read each note, jungkook suddenly felt small, so many people loved you, much better people than him, he couldn’t even write anything as a goodbye to you whereas others wrote whole paragraphs.

he wrote something quickly, under your watchful and expectant gaze, and handed the shirt back with a weak smile.

‘be happy, always. jk’ looked back at you and you couldn’t help but laugh at his small handwriting next to everyone else’s. you didn’t notice his dejected posture, nor his distracted gaze out the window.

“really? that’s all?” you said with a teasing smile, extremely amused by his words and he shrugged at you, playing with his hands.

but he felt it when your smile dimmed and you turned around with a silent huff, he felt even smaller as he got down from the bus, craning his neck to see you and your yellow dress, for the last time in the bus that held all his adolescent love.

you didn’t look back at him.

-

your exams ended, you joined high school in a different part of the city, jungkook joined college in a different part but his home remained down the lane from yours.

you didn’t see him as much anymore, you only saw his car drive by through your window, but he did message you whenever he could, even if you didn’t see each other, you knew every person he knew, he knew every overbearing teacher you hated, you knew every class he skipped and that he started smoking, and he still knew just how to make you laugh to make you forget about the pressures of high school.

and calling him a friend, in the midst of all that, felt wrong, it felt so wrong, you were so alone in your high school, and he was the only tie to your familiar and comfortable past, so you confessed.

it wasn’t anything grand, you knew he liked you back, and you weren’t worried about getting rejected, but still, you held your breath as you typed a message to him.

you: i like you too.

you: it took me too long, didn’t it?

his reply was instantaneous.

jungkook: what.

then, your phone rang loudly, it almost fell from your hands and your mom eyed you suspiciously, you called out a friend's name to appease her and ran off to your room, shutting the door behind you and lifting the call with shaky hands.

“you’re not joking with me, are you?”

“no.”

“so, you like me?” you heard the smile in his voice and let your head fall against the door in a blissed-out sigh.

“i do.”

“really?”

you laughed, “really.”

“really, really?” you couldn’t stop giggling at the barely contained excitement and doubt in his voice, “really, really, jungkook.”

“fuck.” you faintly heard his laugh of disbelief on the other line and stopped yourself from sinking to the floor and talking to him for hours.

“text me, my mom’s awake still,” you mumbled, and he sighed but it was happy, it was out of relief, “yes, ma’am.”

jungkook ended the call with the biggest smile on his face, his back resting on his car, slid down as he tried not to squeal and jump in the air and his friends raised their eyebrows at him.

“what happened to you?”

“she told me she likes me,” he mumbled, the words feeling so much like a lie on his tongue but it was true, it was finally true, and even if he didn’t say the name, his friends knew exactly who it was, “holy shit, really?” they crowded around him and started demanding for details but he brushed them all off.

“i have to go, i have to text her, i can’t do that when i drive, you guys will get back by yourself right?” he didn’t wait for their reply as he got into his car and started the engine, all he heard before pulling away was, “that lucky bastard.”

and he was, he was the luckiest man in the world.

-

turns out, jungkook was the luckiest man in the world for a few moments only. you were so sweet sometimes that he wanted to wax poetry about you, but he had expected that after your confession, you could date, he could call you his girlfriend, and you would go out to the movies, he would feed you popcorn and your head would rest on his shoulders.

but.

“i just think labels aren’t necessary,” he tried not to frown too deeply as your voice swam into his ears, “what do you mean?” he sat up on his bed, phone clutched tightly in his hands.

“isn’t it enough that we like each other? why do we have to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“but why shouldn’t we?”

“jungkook, i don’t know how i feel about making it so…permanent,” on the other end of his phone, your eyes gathered tears because you didn’t know why you were saying the words you were, but the idea of dating seemed so immature to you, too troublesome and dramatic, you just wanted to like him and have him like you.

“are we not permanent?” he was only so young and so innocent; the words left him with a delicate veil of terror.

why weren’t you thinking of forever? you were his forever, was he not yours?

“how could we be permanent? we’re kids,” your nervous laughter twisted his guts but he didn’t say a word, “do you not think of a future with me?” jungkook felt pathetic asking the questions he did.

“it’s not like that jungkook, i like you, of course, i do but shouldn’t we worry about us here in the present than somewhere in the future?”

it made sense to you because you were already apart, he was in college, you were in high school, he smoked now, you hated that, you grew more cynical, he hated that and later, you would only be further apart, who was to say you would stand the test of time?

but i love you, hung on his lips.

he just mumbled, “okay.” he never was okay with it and his disappointment couldn’t have been louder.

“jungkook, i still like you-“ your mom called out to you and your panic rose to your throat, “my mom’s calling, i’ll text you, okay?” and the line went dead.

jungkook fell back on his bed, his head was now heavy with you, he couldn’t help but notice that you kept saying that you liked him.

you never said that you loved him.

-

you: our school function is on the 26th, this is our chance.

jungkook: are you telling me i finally get to meet my girlfriend?

you: haha not your girlfriend but yes, you finally get to meet the girl of your dreams.

jungkook: emma stone is coming?

you: very funny jungkook, i’ll block you.

jungkook: now don’t go and do that, what will you wear?

you: you will see that day, what will you wear?

jungkook: you will see that day :D

you: so annoying.

jungkook: only to you :]

you: i’m excited to see you.

jungkook: you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting to see you.

-

at the school, your palms grew clammy as you walked around with your friends, and your dress flowed with you as you walked but you didn’t feel pretty that day. like every other teenager, you had a huge breakout of acne just the night before and you had cried, you didn’t want jungkook to see you like this.

you were sure that he had higher expectations for the girl he liked and while you usually didn’t care about others’ expectations of you, you cared about his.

you knew he was already in the school but you weren’t actively looking for him, you wanted to delay meeting him as much as you could, you didn’t want him to see your face and you didn’t look at your phone.

you let yourself be completely occupied with your friends even if you see him walk by a couple of times from the corner of your eyes. jungkook, on the other hand, just didn’t know how to approach you, he didn’t know if he’d be disturbing your time with your friends or if he’d annoy you by acting too clingy, so he stayed away as well.

sunny observed the whole exchange in bits and pieces and couldn’t believe how ridiculous you two were being. as his friend and your sister, she decided to take things into her own hands.

so, as you laughed and talked to your circle of friends, she pulled on your arm, took you aside, and whispered, “dude, why aren’t you talking to him? he’s been waiting for you.”

“i thought he was with his friends,” you lied, and she sighed, “he hasn’t hung out with them, to make sure he had time with you and i don’t know what is going on with you, but your boyfriend is waiting for you and you need to go.”

“not my boyfriend,” you mumbled as she dragged you around to where he was sitting.

until you saw him, very well-dressed, with shiny shoes, a crisp shirt, and a lopsided grin, none of what you had with him felt real.

but seeing him made it real, it made your love for him take a physical form, you weren’t sure you could handle that sense of reality just yet.

romance, love, affection, all of it was easy through a screen but seeing his finger ridges in real life and wanting to hold them, was hard.

“hey,” he mused, patting the spot next to him and you didn’t sit, you hid your face behind your hair and muttered a greeting, and sunny gagged next to you, “can you please not do this lovey-dovey shit in front of me?”

jungkook was enjoying it though, his girl, not his girlfriend apparently but still his girl, was too shy to see him.

the ever-fierce, angry, witty, and smart girl disappeared and in front of him, was just a girl in love. and even if you never said it, he felt it in the moment.

“okay, i’ll go now,” sunny said, but you grabbed her arm, “stay,” you whispered to her and she geared up to start cursing at you only for jungkook to say, “stay, it’s fine.”

he realized that if sunny was around, you would at least say a few things, because right now, he couldn’t see anything but your hair.

so, sunny stayed.

and they talked, you chimed in, it felt like the first day of talking to him on the bus. jungkook observed that you were a bit more grown up now, a bit taller, only a bit though and a bit softer than when you were in school, and just like he loved the loud, rude, and angry girl, he loved the soft, shy, still angry girl, that he was looking at.

you thought he was looking at you because you looked different, uglier, and that he was contemplating just letting you go.

but that night, when you returned home and texted him, you felt like the prettiest girl in the world.

you: so emma stone didn’t come, how do you feel?

jungkook: heartbroken but another girl made it up to me.

you: oh yeah, how was that?

jungkook: it was like i was seeing her for the first time again.

you: and?

jungkook: she’s more beautiful than i remember her being.

you: jungkook, i had pimples all over, you don’t have to lie to me.

jungkook: you don’t know yourself at all if you think some pimples take away from how beautiful you are.

you: you think so?

jungkook: i spent an hour looking at you, walking here and there in the school, so i’m confident about it.

you: i felt ugly today.

jungkook: that happens sometimes.

you: i don’t feel it anymore.

jungkook: you never should.

-

it was five days after the function, on new years, january 1st, that you two broke up.

things had been going so well but suddenly, they weren’t.

after the magical night at your school, he hung out with his friends a lot, and he started drinking, you were still too young for all that, and you were dying in your high school with never-ending exams and classes. both of you had forgotten about each other while also thinking of each other every second you could.

you were supposed to meet him on january 1st, in a café that he was raving about called the terrace, you had planned a whole thing so your parents wouldn’t get suspicious, you would go with your sisters to the café and come back with them, but spend all the time there with him.

it wasn’t easy to go behind your parents' back, it always felt like you were betraying them whenever you talked to jungkook but you were also in love, and your parents took a back seat for you on that day.

you waited in the café, and your sisters constantly asked where he was and when he was coming, you told them he would come in a minute or two, which stretched on for hours and the night ended with your sisters giving you pitiful gazes and long, silent hugs.

you came back home with an anger so familiar, so out of your control that you couldn’t see or say anything else.

“where were you?”

“i got drinks with my friends, i was going to leave i promise-“ and you cut the call, you watched your phone ring again and again until it went dead silent.

jungkook: please talk to me.

you: you know how difficult it is for me to come out with my parents watching my every move, you know how much i planned for this night and i did it because you kept blaming me for never going on dates.

jungkook: typing….

you: and when i do plan for a date, you end up going somewhere else?

jungkook: you think i don’t have a life of my own?

you blinked back tears that your anger let escape from your eyes, that was the first time you felt your chest physically hurt.

you: i never said that, jungkook.

jungkook: you know it’s funny because if you weren’t such a coward, maybe i wouldn’t have to beg you to meet me, maybe we would’ve already gone on dates, and today, i could enjoy with my friends the way i want to. you don’t even let me call you, my girlfriend.

you: don’t you dare call me a coward, my parents aren’t easy to deal with.

jungkook: saying that just makes you sound like even more of a coward.

you: if i’m such a coward, maybe you shouldn’t be with me anymore.

jungkook: maybe i shouldn’t, yeah.

you threw your phone aside, you wanted him to say i’m sorry, i fucked up, let me plan the next one, but instead, he was indifferent, as if nothing mattered to him anymore, as if you didn’t matter to him anymore.

you couldn’t picture this man as the same man who looked at you with stars in his eyes and a scary thought passed through your mind, he was madly in love with you only five days ago, and now, he wasn’t.

people could change, and then hurt you, so you vowed to yourself that you wouldn’t let anyone have the power to hurt you anymore.

you: so, we’re done?

jungkook: yeah.

you: please don’t smoke anymore.

jungkook: what i do is none of your business anymore.

-

and that was that.

you blocked him everywhere and he wallowed in his self-pity for days, you didn’t know how he was, which new people he met, if he smoked two or three cigarettes in a day anymore and he didn’t know about anything going on in your class, or about the new biology subject they introduced or about your friend's antics.

it was like he was never there in your life in the first place.

right after the breakup, you didn’t cry, you didn’t feel anything, you went to high school normally the next day and smiled while telling your friends, “i’m finally single!”

they looked concerned, then they laughed at your indifference to the breakup but your best friend leaned and asked, “are you okay?” and you nodded happily, “of course i am, he’s just a guy.”

but jungkook sadly wasn’t just a guy, he was your first love, your first ever brush with romance.

so, a month passed and you called your best friend.

sitting at the edge of your bed, you told her everything you knew about jungkook, you laughed at how stupid he could be sometimes, and you cursed him out for doing what he did but then, you started crying and you couldn’t stop crying, “i miss him, i miss my friend.”

she listened as you felt your heart finally tear apart inside you.

you knew you couldn’t trust anyone or love anyone again.

this time, it felt like a lifetime ended for you.

-

two years passed and you didn’t think of him anymore, you weren’t sure if he thought of you, you would only be reminded of his existence when exes and relationships came up in conversations with friends, those always ended with you bitterly cursing him.

you hated him.

the guy who showed you how love felt, was the guy you hated most now.

you moved cities, a better, bigger city and you tried to fall in love again, you did try.

you went on dates with your newly found freedom, you tried to like them and their stories, but the only stories that held any value to you from your youth were with or about jungkook. because you felt every face of your youth, with him.

and you couldn’t possibly talk about your first love with guys whose faces bled into each other until they all became one, and jungkook remained another.

but still, you rarely thought of him.

you didn’t think of him when you went on your first date ever (technically, you never went on a date with jungkook), you didn’t think of him when you called that guy every single night and told him superficial things about you, you never told him things that mattered, you had your first kiss and ended your first ever situationship.

but you weren’t hurt at all. you never gave another person the power to hurt you because you felt it once, and you had no intention to feel it again.

and after months of living in another city, you went back home for a while and your best friend insisted on going to the same café where you were supposed to meet jungkook, on the day of your breakup. it wasn’t her fault that it was the only good café in your tiny city.

you went.

you talked and laughed with your friend.

your phone pinged.

jungkook: you’re at the terrace?

perhaps, you forgot to mention that you unblocked him a while ago, it wasn’t to talk to him of course, it was just to remove negativity from your life (you wanted to feel that young love again).

you: yeah.

jungkook: wait.

you turned to your best friend with wide eyes, telling her that there was a huge possibility that jungkook was coming and she grimaced, she never liked him.

then, he strolled in, hands in pockets, and gave you this smile that covered years of doubt, you always thought he would glare at you and hate you but he just walked in, waved at you, and sat down without saying another word.

seeing him this up close after years of watching him from the corner of your eyes and the tilt of your head, filled you with a breathless excitement because he didn’t change, he didn’t change at all.

“hello, it’s been long,” he greeted you, and then the both of you broke into giggles at his formal tone, “it has been long, yeah.” you replied with a nod, begging for your eyes to hide their reviving affection.

then, you talked.

you had years to catch up on so you told him everything, you told him about your college, your still-horrible teachers, your friends, the new places you’ve explored, and how different everything was in the city you studied.

he listened with a carefulness that you never thought he possessed.

a simple but reckless thought caught you by the throat as jungkook leaned forward and laughed at something you said.

is this how it feels to make someone laugh?

is this how a date with him then would’ve been?

did i just miss out on everything good in life?

then, he told you everything and you listened.

jungkook stuttered multiple times because he had truly forgotten how his body got when you were around, he was suddenly aware of his every nerve, and he was aware of his fingertips that were centimeters apart from you, he was aware of your legs that were right next to his under the table and he was aware of you refusing to look at anyone but him as he spoke.

not even once did either of you acknowledge january 1st from two years ago.

“it’s 6 right now,” your best friend reminded you and you gasped, “already? shit, we have to go,” jungkook’s disappointment fell like water over his head and flooded his shoulders.

“where do you have to go?” he asked, as casually as he could.

“we have to meet another friend, a little bit far from here, so we’ve got to get going,” you said, and jungkook nodded, his car keys twirled in his hands, “do you mind dropping us?”

he almost jumped out of his seat to say yes, but remembered himself and nodded once again, “not a problem at all.”

all three of you were silent as you walked to his car which turned out to be a jeep of sorts, no surprises there and your friend got in the back, you got in the front and buckled your seat belt, your chest compressed a bit more as you tried to wave all of this as something friends did.

you were friends with him, in some way.

he got in as well and you felt twitchy in your seat, your eyes took in the unfamiliar car and jungkook watched as you saw another new thing in his life with boundless curiosity.

“you vape now?” you saw the three vapes thrown in the middle of the seat and he shrugged, “sometimes, you wanna try?” you shook your head, both as a reply to him and to shake away the odd memory of january 1st, when you had begged him to stop smoking.

“do you still smoke?”

“yep.”

you didn’t say anything as your heart sank.

he handed you his phone, as if it wasn’t something that contained everyone’s deepest, darkest secrets, he told you his passcode and let you choose whatever song you liked.

and as you scrolled through his song library, you found many songs that you had recommended to him years ago, “you still listen to these?”

jungkook tensed up, clearing his throat, he answered, “sometimes.”

you didn’t probe any further.

you didn’t play the songs you recommended either, things were weird already.

on the way, jungkook talked to your friend and then you, you talked to him, played all the songs you liked and at every stop sign, you ignored jungkook looking at you with a smile and soft eyes, as you turned to talk to your friend.

when you got down, you had a brief, disgusting thought of asking him to drive you around and just staying in his car to find out everything you missed in two years.

but you didn’t, you got down, you thanked him, he tipped his invisible hat at you and smiled, and you looked away, waving at him.

“not a word from you,” you told your smirking friend as you walked away from his car.

the rest of the night, you dreamed as your friends talked and got loud, you sighed as if you had someone to miss, you checked your phone constantly for any messages from him and sighed again when you didn’t get any.

but at midnight, your phone pinged.

jungkook: never thought i’d see you in my car lol.

you: never thought i’d be in your car.

jungkook: well, i’m always there if you need me.

jungkook: for a ride, i mean.

you: i’m always there too.

you: to give you company in your big, lonely car, i mean.

jungkook: is that so?

you: yeah, good night jungkook.

jungkook: god, good night.

both of you fell asleep with hope brimming in your dreams that night.

-

so, it started again, you texted every day, you told him everything you did in a day and he did the same for you, he still had this incredible ability to make you laugh when you felt down and you still fascinated him to no bounds.

and days bled into each other, you returned to the city where you studied, feeling a bit more homesick than you had before.

you got to know that he had failed some subjects in class, “how many?” you whispered as if it was a secret that no one should know, you couldn’t imagine failing, and he laughed, “it’s only five, you don’t have to ask like that,” but five failed subjects would’ve given you a heart attack.

he got to know that you started research with your professor, “will i understand even if you tell me what it is?” and you laughed, “i don’t think so,” he would later console you when the professor steals your work, “he sounded like a dick anyway, you deserve a much better mentor,” he pursed his lips when he heard you sniff on the other end, “do you think so?” and he couldn’t believe how little faith you had in yourself, “of course, i do.”

you started talking at night too, and those conversations, well, you never thought you would think of them again because they were so raw and so true and they reminded you of things that you thought you had forgotten.

through a phone, you both laid your hearts bare.

“have you been with anyone after…” his voice was rougher than you remembered, as if age and life had worn it down but both of you were still so young.

you weren’t as young as you once were though.

“yeah, one guy. and you?” you twisted the necklace resting on your collarbones as you asked him slowly, you didn’t want to know but you also wanted to know.

“a couple of people, yeah.”

“oh.” your disappointment was only felt by the four walls holding you in your room.

“none of them worked out though…none of them felt real,” jungkook bounced the smiley face foam ball in his hand as he stared up at the wall.

you didn’t know if he said that to console you or if it was just how things went.

“why not?”

“well, it all got so physical, there was no love or affection, i mean i didn’t feel it at all,” and you sucked in a breath, trying not to let jealousy coat your tongue when you spoke, “physical, huh.”

“don’t say it like that,” he laughed, sitting up on his bed, “these days, that’s how it goes, it shouldn’t but yeah, i guess sex just takes a front seat in relationships now.”

you didn’t want to talk about sex with jungkook, you didn’t want to know who he did it with.

“maybe.” you answered dismissively and he laughed again, “ey why are you being so awkward about it? it’s a natural thing,” and you groaned in embarrassment, “can we change the subject?”

“of course,” you sighed out in relief, “tell me, have you done anything at all?” you wanted to hit him through the phone and you let him know that, “i’m going to hit you, i swear to god, jungkook.”

“you gotta catch a flight for that now, so” he whistled into the phone and you didn’t fight the smile growing on your face, there were no witnesses except the darkness in your room, you were free to do whatever.

“i’ve only had my first kiss,” and jungkook regretted asking the question.

he had always thought he would be your first kiss.

“oh yeah?” he asked, no longer interested in knowing but for you, because it was already out, you wanted to share more with him, as a friend, so you kept going, “yeah, it was in a car,” your first kiss wasn’t bad, honestly it was everything anyone would want in a first kiss.

after saying that, you realized how dirty kissing in a car sounded, so you gasped and corrected, “but it was just a kiss, nothing else happened.”

jungkook shook his head, smiling into his phone, you still sounded so young, so much like the girl he fell in love with, “you don’t have to explain anything to me or anyone, you know that right?”

“right.” you breathed out, scolding yourself for overreacting.

“but, you know,” he said, in a softer tone, as if his next words contained magic, “yeah?” you whispered, your fingers now clutching your locket with all your strength.

“i love what we had,” and your breath hitched, your eyes filled with tears, and your adolescence that loved him reared its head again, “our love was so pure.” he continued, sighing into the phone as he turned over in his bed.

he never loved anyone the way he loved you, he didn’t even know he was capable of so much love until he met you and jungkook gave up on feeling it all again.

he waited for your reply with bated breath, not knowing if he went too far.

“it was.”

he smiled again; his heart filled with something that he tried to push away.

“don’t you have class tomorrow?” he asked, glancing at the clock that shined bright with 3:34, and you yawned, “it’s fine, keep talking.”

jungkook bit his lip to stop himself from squealing in happiness, you wanted to stay awake just to talk to him, “still, we have tomorrow, we can talk later, you go and get some sleep.”

and there was silence for a few seconds before another yawn came from you, “you know what, you’re right but we’ll talk later,” you said, a bit dazed from how sleepy you were.

“i’m always right,” he snickered and you scoffed, “whatever, good night, jungkook.”

“good night.”

you couldn’t stop thinking of his voice saying that your love was pure even when you dozed off and he clutched his phone to his heart, he could only wait for tomorrow to come sooner.

-

it was nice, not knowing exactly what you guys were or acknowledging your past, it was nice to pretend that you had never hurt each other in the first place. and many days passed by with both of you together, but not together.

“what did you do today?” you hummed into the phone as you fell onto your bed, you heard shuffling on the other side, and then noises, “uh i’m out right now,” his voice came in gargled and broken.

“oh, okay.” somehow, even if you tried to not think of it, you thought of how he never showed up to what would have been your first-ever date because he was out.

“i’ll call you later, is that alright?” he sounded like he was screaming over the sound and you couldn’t help but feel dejected, even if you had no right to feel that way now, “yeah, sure. have fun, good night.” you tried your best to sound perky and the call ended.

what were you even doing?

how did you think that talking to your ex would go or end well?

and why were you even still talking to the guy who broke your trust in people?

you rolled around on your bed, not being able to fall asleep, and not wanting to stay awake either, eventually, you gave up and read a book until you dozed off.

when you woke up the next day, there were no texts or calls from jungkook the way he’d promised he would. you threw your phone aside and got ready for the day.

then you woke up the day after, still nothing from him. and the day after, the day after that, and many days which you spent frustrated and alone.

you should’ve known how it would end with him.

-

jungkook: hellooo (4:40 pm).

you: hey (8:30 pm).

jungkook: busy day? (9:00 pm)

you: pretty hectic, yeah. (10:30 pm)

jungkook: call? (11:04 pm)

you: i’m pretty tired, another day? (11:10 pm)

jungkook: tomorrow? (11:24 pm)

you: another day. (11:37 pm)

jungkook: okay, good night. (11:45 pm)

you: good night. (12: 20 am)

jungkook: typing…

jungkook: typing…

he threw his phone away.

-

you weren’t sure exactly how it happened but soon, there were no messages or calls from jungkook, you heard from sunny that he shifted from the home down your lane but you didn’t bother texting or calling him either, you held your head high during the day and missed his voice in the night.

after a couple of weeks of minimal communication, you returned home with a nervous smile on your face, you hoped no one in your house noticed how often you checked your phone or how you sometimes talked to yourself in the darkness of your room.

you went back to the same café, again it was no one’s fault that there wasn’t a better café in your city, you sat across your best friend, sipping on your hot chocolate and nodding to whatever she said, trying not to avert your gaze to your surroundings.

you’re sure you saw jungkook outside, but you’re not sure if he saw you and a nervous pit sat in your stomach at the thought of seeing him again.

why did meeting him feel like the first time every single time?

you shook your head, leaning in to hear your best friend until she got up to use the restroom, you leaned back on your chair and let out a sigh.

you couldn’t even enjoy some good brunch without thinking of his ridiculous face.

then, the door opens and you pay no mind to it, you scroll through your phone, liking and watching reels and then someone sits next to you, and your eyes immediately snap up to tell them to fuck off.

but then your eyes melt.

“hey,” jungkook smiles, one of his cheeks pressed against his fist that propped him up and you almost smile back, you almost forget everything again.

the calls he never made, the texts he never sent, how he acted suddenly too busy for you, the invisible rejection, you were ready to forget it all, but you couldn’t bring yourself to be okay with that.

“is it easy for you?” he sits up, his smile wavers a bit, “what do you mean?”

“is it easy for you to act like nothing happened? like we never fought and broke up?” you didn’t recognize your voice; it came out so stern but you felt so weak.

“but nothing happened, sure we broke up, but that’s a normal thing, everyone goes through breakups and ends up as friends.”

“are we friends?”

he does not answer, he looks away instead at the painting of a dog on the wall.

and your anger almost runs you over.

“jungkook, are we friends?”

“…yeah.” he hesitates, jungkook feels his heart in his throat as you stare at him with so much disappointment and so much hurt, he never knew that you cared about the breakup, he had always thought that you would’ve moved on very quickly but the tears flashing in your eyes proved him wrong.

he didn’t know what to do with the fact that you were hurt during the breakup, he only pitied himself and thought of himself but he never stopped to think that maybe you had enough love for him, to feel hurt too.

“as my friend, i need to tell you something then,” you gathered your courage, you were going back tomorrow so you wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of it.

“go on,” he bit his lips and tapped his fingers on the table, and your friend walked back in, she raised her eyebrows at his figure sitting next to you and then looked at you with both concern and a thousand questions.

you stared at her with pursed lips and she nodded, grabbing her earphones, putting them on, and sitting across from you, head and eyes turned away from your conversation.

“i think i started liking you again,” you still liked him, “somewhere in the middle, i got a bit confused and my feelings grew again.” you watched his reaction with careful eyes, he only looked back at you with blinking eyes.

“but i don’t like you,” came his reply, and you sucked in a breath, heartbreak fresh as ever settled in your chest.

then, why did you call me at night and tell me our love was pure?

“i know, that’s why i said it in the past tense, i don’t feel that way anymore,” but you did, you just couldn’t do anything about it anymore.

“well then, that’s good, right? we can go back to being normal.” he clapped his hands with a joyous smile that made you want to rip his head off, “no, i don’t think i can do this anymore.”

his hands fell and so did his smile, his ego returned and put a scowl on his face.

“can you make a decision here?” he thought back to all the times you corrected him when he called you his girlfriend and his annoyance grew above his head.

“i am making a decision here, don’t get snappy with me” you spat back at him, your mind flooded with every time he led you on and hurt you, “i can’t do this confusing shit with you anymore, i don’t think we can ever be friends and i don’t see a point in trying to force it.” you huffed out, falling back on your seat.

“so, we just never talk again?” he mumbled, you couldn’t read his face anymore.

“i guess so, yeah,” another lifetime of yours flashed before your eyes as he nodded, pushing the salt and pepper shakers on the table, and then he got up abruptly.

please don’t run, please make me stay this one time, you tried to beg without saying a single word.

“then, let’s do that,” jungkook nodded at you again, he nodded at your friend and left the chair as it was before he ever came.

once again, it felt like he never existed in your life before this.

“are you okay?” your best friend’s earphones were now neatly folded on the table, and you nodded furiously, “of course i am, he’s just a guy.”

-

years passed again.

he cleared his subjects from what you’ve heard, you were done with your degree, on time unlike him, from what he’s heard and jungkook was on another step of his life again.

he stared at the unfamiliar faces in his class with resignation and sighed to himself, jungkook kept lifting and dropping his phone at every notification and groaning every time he saw it was from his life insurance, his one message remained unread.

jungkook: i start my master's today. (5:00 am)

he stared at the message until his eyes grew blurry, it was noon now and you hadn't seen it, intentionally of course, and just when he put it down one more time, he heard a ping.

you: good luck. (11:45 am)

he stared at it until he grew annoyed and deleted the entire chat.

-

you were going to america to study, it had taken a lot out of you in preparation for it and after hugging your parents and family goodbye and crying for hours in the airport, you pulled out your phone and nervously hovered over his profile. you started typing with dried-up tear streaks on your face.

you: i’m going to america today.

jungkook: really?

jungkook felt uneasy about the sudden large distance between you two even if you hadn’t spoken in ages.

jungkook: all the best.

jungkook: be happy, always.

you bit your lip as you looked away with a quivering chin and tears lined your eyes again, you deleted the entire chat too.

-

a year into being on a new continent, you felt all kinds of homesickness and excitement for your new home still, you worked harder than you ever had. and as bad as it sounds, you had forgotten that you once knew a boy called jungkook or that you ever loved him with your entire being.

he had become a thing of the past, something you never talked about anymore even if your friends brought up exes and relationships, he became a ghost of sorts, and only you could see him now.

you didn’t know what he was up to, if he ever finished his masters or racked up backlogs there too and you didn’t bother yourself by thinking about it too much.

but when it came to jungkook, you didn’t have to think about him to come into your life, he just came and went whenever he wanted.

nothing else could explain why you would find him, of all people in the world, under the neon lights of a house party that you were at, on a different continent.

and you didn’t feel anything, not any residual love or even the desire to be near him, you just felt wary about seeing him again.

he also saw you and gave a nervous smile. you smiled back and disappeared into the balcony.

suddenly, your wariness grew into pain, and your pain grew into a longing that you shouldn’t feel anymore.

you slid down on the wall and brought your knees up to hug them as you laid your head on your thighs and breathed, just breathed.

the balcony door opened again.

you knew who it was. maybe you had hoped that this would happen too, but for now, you didn’t look at him.

you heard his groan as he sat down beside you, his hands and knees almost touching yours.

and that’s when you realize, in all the years you’ve known him, this was the closest he ever came to you.

was this why he had called your love pure then?

because you had never touched each other, but felt each other in every corner of your existence?

“what are you doing here?” you whispered into your legs but he still heard you, “vacation, didn’t think i’d see you here.”

“i didn’t think either.”

“kind of ridiculous, isn’t it?” he laughed with emotion you couldn’t decipher, his warmth bled into you as you leaned on him a bit.

you felt the shape of a cigarette box in his pockets but swallowed your hurt.

after years, maybe you just wanted to touch him and see what it’s like. and he didn’t question your knees knocking against his.

“that we keep running into each other? i’m starting to think you stalk me,” you teased, a small weight of your longing lifted off you.

“oh please, if anything, you are stalking me,” he teased right back, feeling himself ease into this situation with you, just like every other time.

but as nice as it was to be this comfortable, you were still so consumed with questions that haunted you. and there was no one else here, no best friends, no sisters, no parents to worry about, no one but you and him.

“why didn’t you admit that you liked me back then?” you lifted your head to stare at him, there was no malice in your question nor any accusation, just curiosity.

“so, you knew?” he cleared his throat with a sheepish smile on his face, jungkook’s eyes shined the same way they had when you were in that bus, all those years ago.

“you told me our love was pure at 3 am, it wasn’t too hard to understand,” you shrugged, as if saying it out loud didn’t take your entire heart out of your chest.

he shook his head while laughing softly, “always such a smartass,” and you smiled, “you’re just too dumb.”

that’s when he really laughed and the stars of the night came together to light his face up as he threw his head back, you stopped yourself from falling in love again.

“well,” he breathed out, jungkook’s face contorted to become more serious and you knew that whatever he said next took a lot for him too.

“you always felt too big for my love, as if i could give you everything and that still wouldn’t be enough.”

your eyes dropped at their corners.

“what?”

“i don’t know, you were always so passionate, so good to others, so fucking smart and you had your shit figured out, you always told me these things that sounded so magical but i never fully understood them. i knew i couldn’t ever match up to that, even if i loved you with all of me,” he whispered, he clenched his eyes shut to avoid looking at you as he spoke, “i knew that even if i loved you, i couldn’t love you the way someone else could, someone who could love and match up to you.”

“jungkook,” you whispered too but your voice broke, and your throat grew scratchy with emotion.

“i’m telling the truth by the way, when you said you were leaving for america, it took everything in me to not pack a bag and follow you,” then, he opened his eyes and looked at you, you felt like you were back in 9th grade, staring at him with a tilt of your head.

“why did you say you stopped liking me then?” he asked next and waited patiently for you to wipe the corners of your eyes.

“i was always afraid that somewhere i would disappoint you and the idea of our relationship. you liked me so much and i felt that i had to live up to what you liked, otherwise, you wouldn’t like me and i’d be alone again,” you whispered the last part slower than anything else, “that wasn’t your fault though, i guess i was just scared of not being who i thought we would be.”

you sniffed and stared at your feet that lined up with his.

he stayed silent beside you until your sniffs grew louder.

then, he pulled your head over his shoulder and let you cry until the sunrise came and took away everything that the night tried to protect.

you woke up in an empty bed the next morning and when you left, you saw jungkook sitting on the couch, long arms stretching over the back of it, you stopped for a second to see if he’d get up and wrap them around you, to acknowledge all the love he showed you last night, you waited for him to utter a word that would make you stay.

but he only blinks at you.

you run out the door, you don’t know if his voice calling to you was him, or a creation of your deepest, most shameful wishes.

-

several years passed once more.

you don’t know why you invited jungkook to your wedding, you didn’t know if he would even come, but seeing him enter through the same doors that your now-husband had, pierced you with something sharp. he came up the stage, his eyes never left your face, and stood next to you for a photograph.

you didn’t look to see if he smiled or not. his hands hovered over your waist and your breath got caught in your throat, jungkook handed your husband a bouquet with a polite smile, he looked older, and quieter but his eyes remained shiny as ever.

when he started to pull apart and leave, you grabbed his arm, “stay for dinner, okay?” and he nodded, giving you a playful salute and exiting the stage.

you smiled at your husband and continued to take photos.

at dinner, you and your husband sat next to him as polite hosts would and talked about superficial things; jobs, taxes, work-life balance, and life.

“i think i’ll leave now,” he got up from his seat and you got up too, “i’ll see him off and come back,” you squeezed your husband’s hands which jungkook looked away from.

outside, it was just the two of you again.

“do you love him?” you weren’t shocked at his question.

“i do.” you really do.

“but you never loved me, did you?” he laughed bitterly, but his face held years of hurt and you held back your tears.

“i did.” you really did.

jungkook had been waiting to hear those words for half of his life and now that he’s heard them, he thinks he can let you go now.

“it was not easy for me to invite you.” you admitted with a nervous laugh, your eyes darting down to the gravel road.

“it isn't easy for me to be here,” he loosened his tie around his neck and his voice now reminded you of how old your first love got and how far away you were from the bus where you fell in love.

“but god, after so long,” your voice held every bit of yearning and nostalgia you felt.

a montage of your very young, very long, and very stupid love played in your eyes and you blinked it away.

“it sucks that we didn't work out.” it didn’t just suck, if jungkook told you how he really felt about seeing you with your husband, you would slap him.

he could do better, he won’t but he could.

“maybe we were just supposed to love each other then, you know? maybe it wasn't supposed to grow at all,” you answered, even if you knew it wasn’t entirely the truth, your love growing was out of your control.

but maybe you two weren’t ever supposed to love each other so much, maybe you were supposed to love each other a little and then let it go but both of you had been stubborn, both of you clung onto the innocence of your love, something that you paid the price for, for years.

“i dont know about all that, i just know that our love was-“

“pure.” you told and jungkook smiled, shaking his head, “yes, pure.”

“i still don't know why i loved you so much,” jungkook wondered why it had started, the deep infatuation and affection he held for you, was unnatural.

“i don't either,” you never understood why your lives were entangled for so long.

“will i see you again?” there was no hope in his tone, only a simple question with a simple affection.

“no, i think this is a good ending point, don't you?”

“so i don't get to show off my wife like you showed off your husband?”

“well in that case, maybe we will.” though, you burned on the inside as you imagined another person standing next to him.

“right, maybe we will.”

a silent smile passed between you two and when jungkook left, he squeezed your hands, “thank you for letting me feel love so early in my life. i wish you and your husband well.”

“thank you for loving me so early in my life. i wish you and your future wife well.”

he walked away but he looked back.

please don’t stay with him for too long.

you gave a weak smile.

please don’t find someone else.

and then you separated, another lifetime ended but this time, for the both of you.

[liveyun]

kitty’s home.

⊹ liveyun reads, 2023 (: !! yoongi ver.

— ⊹ joon and seokjin’s library

hello and welcome back to my library, only that once again i’ve failed to organise all the yoongi fics i’ve read so far 😭👍🏽

as always, if possible, your feedbacks to the authors are always appreciated and welcome. but once again, only if it's possible!

most of these fics are rated M, and abiding by the author's wishes, you have to be 18+ in order to read them. however, i’m not responsible for the content you consume online, hence, reader's discretion is adviced.

[ ♪ ] : series | [ ★ ] : favorites | [ a ] : angst | [ f ] : fluff

[ s ] : smut | [ c ] : comedy

⊹ moonlit throne by @hobidreams ( 68k, ♪, s, a, f ) ★ 👑

ALL TIME FAVORITE YOONGI FIC.

⊹ heaven's winter by @jksangelic (18.6k, a ,s, f) ★ ☁️🏔️

⊹ matilda by @babystrcandy ( 70k+, ♪, a, s, f ) ★ 🌼

⊹ desolate by @angelicyoongie ( 52k+ ♪ , s, a, f) ★ 🐱

⊹ the mark of yun-ki by @ladyartemesia ( 8.6k, a,s,f) ★ 👑

⊹ the early shift by @hobidreams ( 21.4k, ♪ , s, a, f ) ★ ☕

⊹ monachopsis by @personasintro ( 50k+, ♪, s, a, f ) ★ 🤰

⊹ love lockdown by @personasintro ( 63k+, ♪, s, a) ★ 🧟

⊹ technologically in love by @jungshookz ( 24k, a, s, f ) ★🤖

⊹ hellish by @jungshookz ( 22.1k+, s, a,f, c ) ★ 😈

⊹ purr-haps i like you by @taleasnewastime ( 11k, f ) ★🥺

⊹ belong by @ahundredtimesover ( 99.4k+ ,♪, f, s, a ) ★ 🏀

⊹ first and last always by @floralseokjin ( s, a, f ) ❄️

⊹ swing life away by @aphrodijin ( s, a, f ) 🤰

⊹ vexed by @taleasnewastime ( 34.5k, s, a, f ) 🎬

⊹ nephoria by @taegicity ( 14k+, ♪,s, a ) ★ 🦇

⊹ first love, last love by @kithtaehyung ( 35k+, a, s, f) 🎹

⊹ auburn skies by @persphonesorchid ( 12k, a, s, f, c ) ★🤫

⊹ no signal by @latenightdecaf (13k+ , a, f ) 🎤

⊹ so close by @namfinessed (13k+, a, f) ★💔.. ❤️🩹

⊹ divorce by @xjamlessparkx (30k+, ♪, a, f ) 💔..❤️🩹

⊹ give it to me by @ki-yomii ( 1.6k, s ) 💥

⊹ perks of being a househusband by @sunnebeam (3k+,♪,f) ★

⊹ strike a cord by @snackhobi ( 18.5k, s) 🎹

⊹ desecrate by @hamsterclaw (2.1k, s) 😈👼

p.s : if there's any fic which is a series and is on hold/haven't been updated since a long time, don't be an ass and pester the author about it. be patient and wait! we all have our own reasons and most importantly, a life.

also.. if u wanna check out my works pls do here lol

( self promo 😀? 👎🏽)

[taiwan0618]

🎀 library pt. 3

CONCRETE KING by @bratkook

TELL ME NO LIES by @jeongi

FOREVER..(IS A LONG TIME)PT. 1 PT.2 by @eureka-its-zico

IRREVOCABLY YOURS PT. 1 by @eureka-its-zico

IN A WORLD OF BOYS HE'S A GENTLEMAN by @2hightocare

HOTTER THAN HELL by @chateautae

PAINTING THE MEADOW'S VOID by @jungblue

FINDING YOUR BF SLEEPING IN YOUR HYPERFEMININE PINK ROOM by @rrjkive

LOVEFOOL by @citrustan

WHY DIDN’Y YOU WAIT FOR ME by @jungkook97

OREOS AND ELECTROSHOCK COUPLES THERAPY by @ladyartemesia

BOW TO YOU by @flowerwrites06

BITCHIN' by @kinktae

THE BEST THING HE NEVER HAD by @rosaetae

COLD NIGHTS & BLURRED LINES by @awrkive

NIGHT CRAWLERS by @alphabetboyluvr

SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS by @citrustan

SAFE HANDS by @jungkookschin

LONELY HEARTS CLUB by @joonbird

MICROWAVE (MIS)ADVENTURES by @bymoonchild

SET ON YOU by @bymoonchild

PAINT ME NAKED by @gimmethatagustd

GET YOU THE MOON by @bymoonchild

RIGOR MORTIS by @readyplayerhobi

WHITE LIES by @noteguk

THE PROPOSAL by @hansolmates

FALL FOR YOU by @kimvtae

TWITCHY WITCHY GIRL by @sweetheartjeongguk

EXTRA CHEESE, PLEASE! by @vankoya

A HOLIDAY SNOWDOWN by @kpopfanfictrash

NEVER GO TO SLEEP ANGRY by @just4koo (check out their blog!)

CAR RIDES HOME by @foredelweiss

CASUAL by @muniimyg

CLOSE TO YOU by @muniimyg

HOLIDAYS OF BREAD AND WOOD by @cutaepatootie

I WANT YOU TO STAY by @ahundredtimesover

MISTAKEN VERY MUCH by @1uvtae

CAN'T BE WITHOUT YOU by @ahundredtimesover

UNTITLED by @namfinessed

EMPTY SPACE by @ahundredtimesover

DAYBREAK by @bbangtans

ANPANMAN by @honeymoonjin

SCATTERED STARS by @taegularities

CHANGES IN BETWEEN by @taegularities

DAY BY DAY by @hansolmates

MIRACLE OF THE SEASON by @cybrsan

PERFECT by @readyplayerhobi

OF HONEY AND CINNAMON by @ephemerlskies

RIVERS OVER STONES by @ichorai

A HERO'S JOURNEY by @hansolmates

THE LOVE PROGNOSIS by @awrkive

THE ART OF ROM-COM by @gukyi

[ahundredtimesover]

MYG Stories

Happy Min(meow) March! Here are my read and recommended MYG stories. Please send love to the authors 💕💕 and mind the tags (angst, fluff, smut).

To be updated after every leading list is posted.

Arranged marriage

Clockwork heart by @vyduan​ (humour, s)​

Brother’s best friend

Three tangerines by @kithtaehyung (a, s)

College 

Calling the shots series by @rapline-heaux (f) - college yg

Established relationship

Souvenir by @jiminrings (f) - husband au

Welcome home by @kth1 (f, s) - husband, dad au

Can I interest you in some cookies? by @foxymoxynoona (f) - husband, dad au

What if I’m pregnant by @thebangtancloud (f) - husband au

Moving day by @here2bbtstrash​ (s) - boyfriend au

Ex-lovers

The story of us by @eleventoes (f, s)

Under the ice by @hamsterclaw (a, s)

That holly jolly sh*t by @daechwitatamic (a, s)

Ex-things by @namfinessed (a, f)

Friends

Brown piano by @yoongiseesawmp3 (f)

Summer of our youth by @seokth (a, f) - childhood friends au

Fwb with Yoongi by @btssmutgalore - fwb au

Yoongi fingering you until you squirt by @here2bbtstrash (s)

Idol-verse

Permission to pleasure by @bangtanbetchfics​ (s)

Above board by @missbickerbocker (s)

Strangers

Proof by @illneverrecover​ (f) Wallflowers by @bonvoyagenoona (s)

[namfinessed]

thank you so much for reading and loving "let you go" it means a lot to me <3

These are my favorite Jungkook fics that I've ever read! Some of these are from my favorite authors, some are from ones whose other work I'm looking forward to checking out, but all of them are amazing and have stayed with me in some way. If you end up loving any of these stories as much as me, please share the love with the author by reblogging and leaving feedback! Also make sure to read the individual warnings since some of them deal with heavy topics and because most of them contain mature themes, MINORS DNI!

Ongoing Series

Teach You (14.4k) and its sequel Illicit Affairs (17.7k so far) (ft. Namjoon) by @purplewhalewrites smut/angst

[idol au/established relationship(with Namjoon)/infidelity]

summary: Jungkook asks Namjoon for help with a delicate subject. Once you find out what it is, you have to offer your help

Feeling in Chaos by @here4btsfics (22.9k so far) angst/fluff/smut/drama

[college au/best friend’s brother/friends to lovers]

summary: After tragedy strikes your group of four, the three remaining must individually walk the path of grief, and must learn how to get back to who you used to be or who you want to be. All while going through the last and second to last year of art college where two of you have to put on a showcase representing you.

the damsel & her knight by @jimilter (24k so far) humour/angst/fluff

[chaebol au/ceo!jk x vp!reader]

summary: Extraordinarily intelligent, really handsome but insincere as heck, Jeon Jungkook is your childhood enemy, the Chairman’s son, the apple of your parents’ eye and now also a co-worker that you are forced to rescue out of sticky situations every other day. You fear it is only a matter of time before he has you entangled in his mess as well.

Leave The Door Open by @here4btsfics (43k so far) smut/fluff/angst/humour

[neighbors au/strangers to lovers]

summary: Your neighbor loves to sing karaoke in the middle of the night. You finally get fed up and confront him about it. Except when he opens the door, you realize you’re screwed. He’s gorgeous…

addicted to u by @ughcore (53k so far) smut/angst

[enemies to lovers to established relationship/slice of life au]

summary: “there’s no greater evidence of the thin line between love and hate than your relationship with jeon jeongguk.”

dilf jk by @venusiangguk (66k so far) smut/fluff/angst

[strangers to lovers/friends with benefits/dilf!jk x store clerk!oc]

summary: you find a baby in your store and in turn, a dilf finds you

colour me in by @taegularities (71.4k so far) fluff/angst/smut

[friends with benefits/fake dating/college au]

summary: Jungkook’s door only opens for you when there’s a barter: a trade of lust and haze. But today you knock for something more, as intriguing as it is frightening – and you hope it doesn’t close his door forever.

bad influence by @noteguk (138k so far) smut/fluff/angst

 [badboy!jk x goodgirl!reader]

summary: in which you know Jungkook is a bad influence on you, but you can’t avoid falling for him every time.

Completed Series

practice by @chryblossomjjk (29k) smut/fluff/angst

[fuckboy!jk x inexperienced reader/college au/friends with benefits]

summary (pt.1): You usually spend Friday nights on your own. Tonight, however, your friend and campus fuckboy, Jungkook, decides to pay you a visit.

How to Get a Guy by @taeshobipop (35.9k) fluff/angst/smut

 [roommates au/college au/fuckboi!jk/enemies to friends to lovers]

summary: Star basketball player and fuckboi Jeon Jungkook strikes up a deal: he’ll teach you the ways of flirting if you lessen your load of Roommate Rules™. But the longer Jungkook spends with you, the more he realizes that maybe he doesn’t want to be the campus fuckboi anymore. The problem is, how does he prove that to you?

Rule #5 by @taestefully-in-luv (42k) fluff/maybe a little angst/smut

 [friends with benefits/friends to lovers]

summary: You strike up a fwb deal with your childhood friend Jungkook after kissing him one night after a dare. But you have rules…5 of them to be exact and it seems Jungkook doesn’t want to follow any of them.

blackout by @jjungxkook (49.9k) fluff/crack/smut/angst

[best friends to lovers/roommate au/college au]

summary (pt.1): Utility bills shooting up like this should be an international crime. Luckily, Jungkook has the perfect idea(s) to save up money and make your night sinfully unforgettable.

Take a chance by @crystaljins (63.4k) angst/fluff

[hanahaki au]

summary: You should have known the second your business partner asked you to plan his best friend’s wedding as a favour that it was going to be nothing but trouble. Especially when it turns out he’s in love with said best friend. And dying of a deadly disease because of it.

Inevitable by @ahundredtimesover (76.8k) angst/fluff/smut

[exes au/parents au/baseball player!jk]

summary: You convinced Jungkook to break up years ago so he could pursue his lifelong baseball dream. Now he’s back home, staring at you, and the little boy next to you who looks unmistakably like him.

Coquet by @shina913 (77.7k) fluff/angst/smut

[escort!jk/fake-dating au/strangers to lovers]

summary: On your brother’s wedding, you dread traveling to see your family–whom you have successfully avoided for over a year after moving across the country for work. In an effort to save face, you hire an escort to get them off your back and perhaps even make your ex–who happens to be the best man–a little jealous.

Fight for You by @ahundredtimesover (80k) angst/smut

[bodyguard!jk x heiress!reader]

summary: Working at a private security agency has its perks. The downside? Being the personal bodyguard of spoiled, rich heiresses like you. But there are things that Jungkook didn’t expect, like rejecting you, falling for you, and realizing what he’d been missing all along. 

ego by @suga-kookiemonster (97.1k) smut/humour

[college au/fuckboi!jk/fratboy!jk]

summary: what’s a girl to do when her sweet, innocent baby lab partner isn’t quite so sweet and innocent? well, he’s a grown-ass man, and you’re about to learn that the hard way.

hotter than hell by @chateautae (136k) angst/fluff/smut

[fallen lucifer!jk/supernatural/fantasy au/romance/enemies to lovers/road trip]

summary: “jungkook, lucifer and king of hell, has been cast out of the crimson underworld for a reason he’s unsure of. embarking on his journey for the answer should’ve been easy, if it weren’t for you, the human that nurses his wounded body in her home, and accidentally witnesses the truth of his identity. kickstarting a hellish adventure with the devil himself, you discover lucifer is the most infuriating company ever; and jungkook finds out that maybe his answer to returning home lies within his annoying human confidant.”

Love to Hate by @kpopfanfictrash (142.5K without epilogue) fluff/smut/angst

[enemies to lovers/fuck buddies]

summary: Born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you’ve done your best to rid yourself of the taste since you were old enough to walk. Occasionally though, your mother manages to rope you into an obligatory function – or a blind date with playboy billionaire, Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook stands for everything you loathe about the world you left behind, but you can’t deny the spark of attraction between you. Intrigued by the promise of mutual satisfaction, you agree to one night in bed… and quickly realize you’re in far, far deeper than you ever intended.

Oneshots

in which you’ve found comfort in laying on top of jungkook and you just . . . won’t let go. by @onlyswan (1.7k) fluff

[established relationship]

in which you come home drunk and jungkook is confused the entire time by @onlyswan (2.1k) fluff/slightly suggestive

[established relationship]

let you go by @namfinessed (2.4k) fluff/crack/tiniest bit of angst

[established relationship]

summary: he doesn’t want you to leave but jungkook isn’t cruel enough to stop you either.

Divine Feminine by @gimmethatagustd (2.6k) smut/fluff

[friends with benefits/college au]

summary: No one can make you feel like a goddess better than Jeon Jungkook.

Talk to Me in Korean by @softyoongiionly (3.5k) smut

[established relationship]

summary: Jungkook’s curiosity regarding the dirtier words in English, finally gets the better of him…

babygirl by @here2bbtstrash (5k) smut

[established relationship/tiktoker!jk/bi!reader]

summary: your boyfriend claims the outfit was just for a tiktok - until you realize you’re both very into it.

Zipper by @taeshobipop (5.4k) smut/pwp

[college au/fratboy!jk/frenemies]

summary: Jungkook isn’t your date to the annual BTS gala, but he’s the only one available to take you dress shopping. So when a zipper emergency arises in the boutique’s tiny dressing room, who’s there to help you?

Heart of the Storm by @ladyartemesia (6.2k) fluff/smut/hint of angst

[secret feelings/strangers to lovers]

summary: Jeon Jungkook was the handsome RA that you could never quite bring yourself to talk to, and you were the ice princess whose status kept you far out of his reach… But a selfless act of kindness in the midst of a terrible storm forges an unexpected bond between you - one that could break your guarded heart… or finally set it free. 

starry night by @kithtaehyung (7k) fluff/smut

 [established relationship/gamer au]

summary: all you wanted to do was take your boyfriend on a super late date.

heartless by @here2bbtstrash (7.4k) pwp/smut

[exes hooking up/toxic!jk/set in 2009]

summary: after a wild summer at the shore where he made more than a few mistakes, jungkook is ready to remind you why you always take him back.

imagine by @chryblossomjjk (7.5k) smut/fluff

[established relationship/model!jk]

summary: Jungkook wants nothing more than to spend your anniversary cuddled up in a fancy hotel bathroom, eating takeout and binge watching TV shows. You, on the other hand, have something more exciting in mind. 

Rockstar 101 by @jeonjcngkook (8.2k) pwp/smut

[established relationship/rockstar au]

summary: In the words of christina aguilera, “there’s nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm” and jungkook is certainly coated in it.

the spins by @here2bbtstrash (10.3k) smut/light angst?

[fratboy!jk]

summary: you discover a new side to your former lab partner, frat wonder boy jeon jungkook, when you confess to him the one thing no man has ever been able to make you do.

Thirteen Rounds by @monimonimoon (13.2k) pwp/smut

[established relationship/boxer!jk]

summary: JK's boxing coach tells him he can't come for four weeks before his title fight. Ah, four weeks isn't that long, right? ... Right?

Calling It Now by @reliablemitten (14.5k) fluff/smut

[grad school au/brothel au/friends to lovers/slow burn]

summary: Jungkook has always been there for you, a steady friend and supporter. But when you cross the line, does he really return your feelings or are you just another client?

blackout by @bonvoyagenoona (16k) fluff/humour/comfort/smut

[strangers to lovers]

summary: You’ve just been laid off, and all you want to do is eat some dinner, curl into bed, and forget. Unfortunately, the neighborhood block party is tonight, and the festivities turn downright chaotic when the entire city loses power. Don’t fret, though. Jungkook will help take your mind off things for a while.

Paint Me Naked by @gimmethatagustd (16k) fluff/smut/angst

[artist!jk/college au]

summary: After the mysteriously hot guy in your university class starts taking an interest in you, should you really trust that he’s not like all the other college fuckboys? Especially when his best friend is the guy who broke your heart?  

concrete king by @bratkook (16.7k) fluff/smut

[skaterboy!jk/himbo energy]

summary: when a cute boy in a tacky hawaiian shirt lands a trick in your honor there’s no way you could ever say no to him

make you mine by @mercurygguk (37.8k) fluff/angst/smut

[college au/friends to lovers]

summary; your first day at your new college is quite eventful to say the least. but everything seems slightly less chaotic when Jeon Jungkook offers to help you on your way – if only knowing him wasn’t an even bigger mess than the day you first met.

idealizations concerning real life relations by @venusiangguk (40.9k) smut/angst

[strangers to lovers/friends with benefits/fuckboy!jk x hopeless romantic!oc]

summary: jungkook loves to be loved, but he doesn’t love in return.

The Art of War More by @kpopfanfictrash (42.4k) smut/fluff/angst

[enemies to lovers/college au]

summary: Jeon Jungkook had messed with you for the last time. That was what you thought when the hockey team – led by the insufferable Jungkook – kicked your dance team out again from your reserved room at the gym. In retaliation, you planned a prank of epic proportions and were caught in the act by none other than Jungkook himself. Before the rift between you could grow any deeper, you accidentally overheard something you were not meant to hear. Something which overshadowed even your heated rivalry. Faced with the choice between obvious wrong and teaming up with your worst enemy – you reluctantly choose the latter. But what will you do when feelings you once thought of as hatred become something decidedly… not?

This is my first time posting something like this and it took an embarrassingly long time for me to do since I'm so clueless but also a stickler for details. Anyway, thank you for reading <33

[kingofbodyrolls]

Thanks for recommending I read them all do you know any other jimin fics

I can share with you some of my ‘to read’ Jimin fics – I hope there’s some that you haven’t read already so you can dive into those 💜 I also suggest looking/searching on AO3, maybe you can find more there too 😃

Facade (series) by @taeescript

Dirty Little Secret by @tipsydipsydo

Family Lane by @hayjeon

Mismatched Pages (series) by @knjoodles

Ignorantly, Yours by @ot7always

Best Friend of my FWB (ft. jjk) (series) by @xiutingmyself

Troll in Love (series) by @justasparkwritings

Running through the Night by @sketchguk

Strictly Confidential by @ppersonna

The Misadventures List (series) by @kimvvantae

Bad Habits by @yoonjinkooked

Paper Hearts by @namfinessed

Pick you Filter by @ppersonna

First Kiss (series) by @ggukbabyy

Temptation (part of the Pleasure collection) by @ayyosuga

Never Falling by @yoonia

The Glow Up (ft. kth) (series) by @bangtangalicious

Peaches and Cream by @snackhobi

Opposites Attract (series) by @kpopfanfictrash

Neon Seoul by @readyplayerhobi

The Devil in his Details by @johobi

Couchsurfer by @heartbeatan

Of Stars Erased (series) by @fantasybangtan

New Experiences (series) by @littlenoona

Thank you for your Service by @jiminniethemarshmallow

Growing Pains (series) by @taleasnewastime

Put it on Me by @jimilter

Feel your Touch by @jimilter

Captivity by @jimilter

The Prince’s Cinderella Syndrome by @jimilter

Making him Jealous (ft. jjk) by @parkmuse

Blue Kamikaze (ft. jhs) by @gguksgalaxy

Serendipity (series) by @sopebubbles

All of You (series) by @writtenwhalien

Two in One (ft. jhs) by @here2bbtstrash

Lust for Life by @aquagustd

A Change of Heart (series?) by @whitesparrows97

A Work of Art by @missgeniality

Tonight by @pjmparadise

Oh, What A World (series) by taestybae/cutechim on AO3

A Serpent’s Flower (series) by @jimlingss

Love Her (Love Yourself) (series) by @xotoosweet

I’m sorry for the late reply, I added some extra fics in there to hopefully make up for it! I haven’t read any of them myself, but I really look forward to reading each one, because they sound amazing to me (which is why they are on my to-read list). I haven’t checked if all the series are completed or discontinued, but I think they’ll be a pleasant read either way 🙂

I hope you enjoy 💜

[marvelous-llama]

BTS recs

<<original book

most of the mentioned works is 18+ NSFW, MINORS DNI

pls don´t hesitate to hmu, if any of mentioned links doesn´t work or you have suggestions for more fics... thank you so much for all the love and comments

one shots

Kiss Me More by @mosaic-opine

Yoongi x fem!reader (wc - 7.2k) arranged marriage - angst, fluff, smut You were 7 when you were arranged to marry the younger son of the Mins. However, when the said son returns home from overseas with a pregnant girlfriend, his older brother steps in and takes his place at the altar. There was only one problem, everyone was scared of him. Including you. That is, until he walks in unannounced when you're playing with your toy. 

King Of Wishful Thinking (AO3) by @btssmutgalore (deactivated)

Yoongi x fem!reader (wc - 11k) angst, smut, fluff Yoongi is your boyfriend’s roommate, but sometimes he wishes he could be more than that.

fxck a fxckboy! by @yoongifis

Yoongi x fem!reader (wc - 11k) fuckboy!Yoongi, university AU - fluff, smut where you sort of hooked up with one of the school’s biggest fuckboys but end up leaving him hanging and never contacting him because…well…why not? somehow the universe brought you two together and now you’re left with dealing with him because he apparently caught feelings for you.

so close by @namfinessed

Yoongi x fem!reader (wc - 13.5k) exes to lovers, second chance - angst, fluff words are not enough for people who are so close and so in love, or a fic in which yoongi loses you but will do everything in his power to win you back.

Angel by @sailoryooons

Yoongi x fem!reader (wc - 15.5k) mafia!Yoongi, sex worker!reader - angst, smut, fluff Yoongi never meant to keep coming back. You never meant to become Yoongi’s favorite. Being Min Yoongi’s favorite has dire consequences. 

Escapism by @yoonlattesworld

Yoongi x fem!reader (wc - 6.2k) mafia boss!Yoongi, exes to lovers - angst, smut, fluff how naive were you to think you found the one when it was so obvious that he was making a fool of you. But you weren't gonna sit around and mope while he's having fun with your so called best friend. Good thing a certain someone was more than happy to help you out. And it made you wonder that if you had chosen him since the very beginning, would you have not gotten hurt?

Best Intentions by @kookslastbutton

Yoongi x fem!reader (wc - 3.7k) best man!Yoongi, strangers to lovers - angst, smut As vice president, you are obligated to attend your boss's wedding–you're also his friend. But while you should be focused on the newlyweds, you find yourself far too interested in the attractive best man and the woman who happens to be his plus one.

Between the Titles by @highvern

Yoongi x fem!reader (wc - 9.5k) friends to lovers - fluff, smut Five days a week in the library means you're very familiar with the senior research librarian. It also means he has no qualms about making his own book recommendations either.

series

The Early Shift by @hobidreams

Yoongi x fem!reader (wc - 21.4k) coffee shop AU, enemies to lovers - angst, smut, fluff your coworker yoongi is always infuriatingly late. except the one time he’s much too early.

Kintsugi by @moni-logues

Yoongi x fem!reader (wc - 82.3k) strangers > friends > lovers - angst, fluff, smut, hurt/comfort In a fit of spiteful, post-break-up self-improvement, you sign up to a baking class. Yoongi, in a bid to appease his demanding girlfriend, signs up, too. Determined to make him your friend, you end up with more than you ever imagined.

Gods of the Dark by @sailoryooons

Yoongi x fem!reader strangers to lovers, god!Yoongi, human!reader, slow burn - angst, smut, hurt/comfort Don’t ask for help in the dark. It’s an old tale you always heard whispered among the people of your village. But when you find yourself dragged kicking by the man you’re to marry, you have little choice but to beg for help long after the sun has set. The god who answers your pleas promises to save you, but every deal comes with a price. 

[3rinbkk]

yoongi’s masterlist 🍊

SERIES

shoot your shot by @yoon2k

genre: smut, fluff.

love lockdown by @personasintro

genre: zombie apocalypse au, enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, eventual smut. summary: it started with a supposed virus all around the world. it continues with people turning into monsters who want to eat everything that’s alive.

three tangerines by @kithtaehyung

genre: brother’s best friend au, implied age gap au; angst, smut.  summary: “when Yoongi told you he would be there if you needed anything, this isn’t what he had in mind”.  NOTE: THIS IS MY FAVORITE FIC EEEVEEEER,, just wanted to say thank for this beautiful masterpiece <3

cyberslut by @kimnjss

genre: social media au. smut, college au, secret identity, tutoring au, slight themes of infidelity. summary: he has no idea who you are... up front, you're sweet and innocent- but in reality you're the exact opposite. running your own nsfw account, where your favorite topic is his hands.

ONE SHOTS

your yoongi by @yoongiphoria

genre: fluff and smut. NOTE: i don’t know why i can’t tag you, but i genuinely hope you see this. thanks for your work &lt;3

don’t argue by @yoongiofmine

genre: fluff, smut, idol au, established relationship. summery: after almost six years together, yoongi asked you to move in with him. you’re done packing your whole apartment for the move, and he shows up to make sure your last night at your old place is special. 

so close by @namfinessed

genre: major angst, fluff, second chance romance summary: words are not enough for people who are so close and so in love, or a fit in which yoongi loses you but will do everything in his power to win you back.

yoongi chokes you as a xmas gift by @noteguk

genre: pwp, established relationship.

next door by @personasintro

genre: fluff (?), smut. summary: your neighbor doesn’t respect your complaints about him being loud, but you don’t let it slide so easily.

first love, last love by @kithtaehyung

genre: angst, smut; opposites to lovers, high school/university au. summary: after the most pivotal moment in your life, you never thought you would ever see him again. years later, you cross paths in the last place you ever imagined him to be. was this the universe giving you a second chance? or were yo destined to repeat the same mistakes you fought hard to forget?

sweetener by @taegularities

genre: fwb/kinda enemies to lovers; fluff, smut. summary: you used to know how he sounded when you were wrapped around him, but circumstances have pulled you apart and sent you scattering in opposite directions. feelings shouldn't reappear so easily by simple words, but when you find yourselves in the same place again, this is exactly what happens.

illicit favors by @yoongiofmine

genre: fluff, tiny angst, smut, non idol au, friends to lovers. summary: when your editor tells you to re-write the chapters of your books because the sex scenes are weak, suggesting you write them from experience, what do you di when you lack any kind of sexual experiences in general? you go to your fiend and ask him for help with it.

[namfinessed]

thank you so much for reading and sharing "we keep this love", it means the world to me <3

Jungkook Fanfic Recommendation(6)₊˚🪻๋࣭ ⭑๋࣭ 🌿☁️

𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸

🍃 Mistake | Idol!Jungkook x Reader | Series | @ugotnojamzzz

🍃 karma is coming | punk!Jungkook x preppy!female reader | Oneshot | @folkookie97

🍃 birthday boy | husband!jk x wife!reader | Married couple au | Oneshot | @jeonfics

🍃 nowhere with you. | jungkook x reader | Oneshot | @13lov

🍃 Dearly Beloved | Yandere!Jungkook X Reader | Series | @bonny-kookoo

🍃 test your morality | Bff!Jungkook X Reader | Oneshot | @trivia-yandere

🍃 Vérités Cachées | Jungkook x Reader. | Oneshot | @bangtanficsforyou

🍃 Ungodly Hour | Simp!Jungkook X Reader | @explicit-tae

🍃 say it | jungkook x fem!reader | Oneshot | @peachypinkygloss

🍃 I think we’re soulmates | Jungkook X Reader | Oneshot | @rkivepetals

🍃In Motion | Jungkook x reader | Series | @yoonia

🍃older | older!jungkook x afab reader | Oneshot | @jungkookschin

🍃make you scream | jungkook x camgirl!reader | Oneshot | @13lov

🍃peek-a-boo! | Stranger!Jungkook X Reader | Oneshot | @namfinessed

🍃August | JK X Reader | @kimchitaebae

🍃you’ll let me? | shy!oc x shy!jk | Oneshot | @honeytae

🍃drabble | sugar daddy!dilf!jungkook x f!reader | @strwb3rrynini

🍃Affection and Seduction | Jungkook x Reader | Series | @trina864

🍃Jailbird | prisoner!jk x officer!reader | Teaser | @jkslipppiercing

🍃Fine Line | Jungkook X Reader | Enemies to lovers | @bangtanficsforyou

🍃the lottery offering | Jungkook X Reader | Oneshot | @skswriting

🍃New Beginnings | werewolf!jeongguk x reader | Oneshot | @gukeobi

🍃Room 109 | alpha!jungkook X omega!reader | Oneshot | @lavishedinjimin

🍃“wanna play you like a game” | villian? antagonist! tribe leader jk x princess! y/n | Series | @lilliankoo

🍃Divine Intervention | Jungkook x Goddess!Reader | Oneshot | @minisugakoobies

𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸𓇢𓆸

MASTERLIST here

[koogificrecs]

Min Yoongi Fic Recs

Exes & Second Chances

So Close by namfinessed (13.5k) Breakup but still living together as spiteful roommates, slow reconciliation.

Sweetener by taegularities (10.3k) Ex fuck buddies reunite featuring a misunderstanding and lots of smut to make up for lost time

Tomorrow by vhopeworld (1.7k) Run-in at a club with Ex Yoongi turns hopeful

This Christmas by suga-kookiemonster (30k) Miscommunications galore leading to an awkward drive to Christmas, lots of fluff and angst

Never, Never Fall by joheunsaram (7.8k) A year after you broke off your engagement to the man you imagined spending forever with, he invites you to dinner out of the blue. This story has the most beautiful hopeful open-ending.

Ex-things by namfinessed (4.8k) Over the years, everything you've owned has belonged to yoongi and everything yoongi's owned has belonged to you but when you break up, everything is your's and everything is his but none of it belongs to the two of you anymore and both of you can't stand it.

Le Rosey by yoongiaaah (81k) A crew of rich friends attend private school where you meet and end up dating Yoongi. An alternative universe with lots of secrets, dark academic vibes and 10 years of angst.

Soulmates

& It's A Tragedy Pt 1. (4.6k) Pt 2. (4.5k) Foreigner soulmate bond with initial rejection but an eventual happy ending Turbulence by orphan_account (212k) When you manage to collide into Min Yoongi by accident on an airplane, the brush of his hands on your skin reveals the unlikely, inconvenient truth - you are soulmates. Unfortunately for you, he is an idol. And unfortunately for your heart, you will eventually require his presence to survive.

Sutures by farFromSuga Foreign OC and Idol Yoongi are soulmates, but this work explores the downsides and harsh reality leading to the decision to sever their connection. I would dell my first born child to get a sequel to this story, open-ending.

Friends with Benefits Into My Bones by inkofyoonkoo (15k) Fuckboy and dumbass Yoongs has a year long FWB arrangement not realizing how good he has it. Set in college. If Walls Could Talk by smoochkooks (5k) Childhood friends to lovers, sounds perfect, except OC is engaged to someone else. Angsty and sad open ending.

Please Be Naked by floralseokjin (61k series) Yoongi is a softie who is secretly in love with OC and jumps on the opportunity to become FWB after a breakup with Namjoon.

Cue The Last Call by joheunsaram (5.9k) Idolverse OC and Yoongi break the rules

Illicit Favors by yoongofmine (28.8k) Author OC seeks inspiration from friend Prod Min for her newest book, exploring all her firsts for the sake of "research". Cliche but cute and perfectly angsty.

Friends to Lovers

“I heard you shout. Nightmares again?” (1.8k) by vhopeworld Yoongi comforts OP with mental health.

Sparks by itsallabouthedetails (30.6k) Sexually pent up and in-denial roommates slow burn fall for each other, lots of angst as they date other people in the meantime.

Friends to Lovers by blu-joons (drabble) A fluffy confession

Strangers to Lovers

Ramyeon in Paris by Rikkekeke (9k) True strangers meet in Paris for one night of love

Aquiver by floralseokjin [8 ch. series] Two words: healing hands - super unique concept but it works

Today I Decided by Idell (135k) Organic meeting with BTS where Yoongi and American charity coordinator OC end up secretly dating. Not super angsty but very realistic.

Between the Titles by highvern (9.5k) PhD student OC and librarian Yoongi start to flirt via book titles leading to hookups in the library.

Roommates to Lovers

Sparks by itsallaboutthedetails (30.6k) Touch deprived by your boyfriend you go out with your roommate Yoongi. A few glasses of wine later you find yourselves in your kitchen confessing desires and secrets to each other until you can no longer hold back from acting them out.

Idolverse

Studio Cuddle by MintSeesaw (1.8k) Short and sweet fluffy cuddle sesh in Genius Lab

Idolize by isotuan (one-shot) Misunderstanding- a flustered Yoongi comes off as cold and awkward but actually just really likes producer OC

No Rush by stitchdragon (2.5k) Producer OC returns from overseas to a long awaited reunion

The Final - Day 2 by yoongiofmine (16.2k) Jealous Yoongi sets the record straight on the last day of tour

Honey Boy by casuallyimagining [series of 22 one-shots] Slice of life with boyfriend Yoongi

We Get By by satnin-darling (2.5k) One last day before tour with boyfriend Yoongs

Manager-nim by Min_Niki (17.4k) You've worked with Min Yoongi for nearly a decade as his manager. Things turn awkward when feelings start to get involved.

Mono/stereo by wabisabisofa (169k) An absolute DREAM fanfic, realistic, lots of delicious slow build- stayed up all night reading it type of fic. Producer OC starts working at Bighit and makes a good impression on everyone except grumpy Yoongi. Blood, Sweat & Texts by JHopeissoOMG (13.2k) Foreign famous actress and secret ARMY is lucky enough to sit next to Suga at the Grammy awards, as they exchange texts, luck continues throughout the night. Short, and dying for a continuation of this storyline but the beginning is so good.

I'll Meet you in my Dreams by smeraldostear [on-going] Dreaming of Yoongi and vice versa, what happens when they realize it's maybe more than just a dream?

Interlude by yoongiofmine [11 Ch Series] Deaf barista OC working at the HYBE coffeeshop befriends Suga. Unique plot, very captivating, perfect amount of angst, smut, fluff.

College

Honey Bear by V-Hope World (3.1k) Friends begin to cuddle together until feelings are caught

oh darling! by yoongiofmine (108k) Risking it all for the professor

Fuck Being Friends by strawberrynamjoon (12k) oblivious Yoongi and OC in love with her best friend. It only gets worse once he finds you crying in the bathroom at a party one night.

Mutual Pining

You come to my room at 4AM to cuddle? by IQ-biased (drabble) Short and sweet middle of the night cuddles

Thoughts Of You Keep Me Awake At Night by hollyhomburg (2.1k) Roommates and friends with more-than-friends feelings on both ends, fluffy and open ended

Sibling's Best Friend

Bloom by Aquagustd (14.5k) Big brother Namjoon's best friend

Back Burner by yoonpobs [15 ch. series] Thinking you always come second to your older sister but it's always meant to be you. Major jealousy and pining

Three Tangerines by Kithtaehyung [on-going] Simply iconic depravity

Personal Space by Jeeonqkooks (1.2k) Somehow gorgeously fits smut, fluff and angst all in a short one-shot. Yoongi returns home after 3 years of being away.

Fail-Safe by jiminrings (33k) Yoongi left when you needed him the most, and comes back home at a time when you love him the least. Like two ships passing in the night. Open ending.

Established Relationship/ Slice of Life

Long term Couples Masterlist by casuallyimagining (24 Ch. series) Individual slice of life chapters telling one beautiful love story

Suga; Perfect by An-Exotic-Writer (drabble) 3AM fluffy snuggles

Longterm Couple Series by casuallyimagining [24 Ch. series] Slice of life but can be read all-together or one at a time. Cute and realistic.

Signal Flare by starlingdisco (1.9k) Perfectly fluffy, cuddling with Yoongi as "friends" but clearly more than that. rmmbr tht nght...? by runningfaucet (1.4k) Major comfort fic, Yoongi gets OC through the night after wanting to die. Vague and short but beautiful slice of life.

Mafia

Greedy by xJoonChildx [6 ch. series] Mafia Yoongi gets involved with the nurse treating him

Angel by sailoryooons (15.5k) Miscommunication- mafia Yoongi and sex worker OC are a match made in heaven.

Highway to You by btsmosphere [3 ch. series] Childhood friends to lovers on opposite sides, mafia edition

Idiots in Love

So It Goes by prodagustd [6 ch. series] Yoongs being a dumbass, slow burn romance, smut and angst. "Yoongi can’t understand why he misses you so bad if your relationship is just sex to him."

Idiots by mintyminyoongi (7.8k) Literal dumb dumbs in love, angsty and fluffy. A drunken confession reveals the truth.

Childhood Friends / Kids in Love

What the Moon Saw by VioletSiren90 (9.4k) Poetically written kids in love trope, ocean themed. A bittersweet goodbye and a hopeful hello years later.

Matilda by lotuseaters (141k) Loneliness had always been a constant for you, haunting you like a ghost; until your older brother’s best friend, Min Yoongi, came into your life. You both promised each other something back then - you’d always have his support and he’d always have yours. But with time and age, you weren’t sure how much that all still stood to be true.

Waited by Highvern (4.2k) Childhood friends whose timeline never seems to align until they are older.

One-sided The Bandaid by sor-vette (660) Super short but angsty as hell. Yoongi has feelings for another member's girlfriend.

Work/Boss

Hard Liquor by chataeutae (8k) your dull evening at a bar becomes hopeful when your mysterious, handsome boss min yoongi shows you the ropes on everything alcohol, but shows you much more when he ends up buried deep inside you.

[namfinessed]

ex-things - m.yg.

genre: angst (after breakup!) (4.8k)

summary: over the years, everything you've owned has belonged to yoongi and everything yoongi's owned has belonged to you but when you break up, everything is your's and everything is his but none of it belongs to the two of you anymore and both of you can't stand it.

masterlist

-

“scarf,” you say as soon as yoongi appears at the door, you fail to hide your smile when he throws his head back in exasperation and throws the door open.

you push past him and enter his apartment which looked…exactly the same.

but then again, you did just break up some ten minutes ago so, of course, it would be the same.

you don’t know why you expected the universe to shift just because your heart was broken.

and as you throw back the cushions on his sofa, push the things on his coffee table, look under the sofa and table, and walk past him to check the coat rack and then the kitchen, you feel his piercing gaze following your every step.

you knew where it was.

it was in your bedroom.

or well, his bedroom now.

“can you hurry the fuck up?” he groans and in that second, you eye the black plastic cover filled with two or three soju bottles sitting on his kitchen counter.

you swallow and yell back, “can you just let me look for my scarf in peace?”

another groan.

a stomp on the floor.

“fuck, i’ll mail it to you,” yoongi makes his way into the kitchen with loud steps and you arch your eyebrow at him, then look towards the green bottles shining on his counter, he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and spits out, “i was going to drink today before anything ever happened, don’t feel too special.”

“really?” you muse, clinking them against each other, and in the next second, yoongi’s hand is wrapped around your wrist and he’s pulling you, gently, towards the door.

“i’ll send it when i find it,” he murmurs as he pushes your coat, your car keys, and your phone into your hands, and you don’t say anything for a while.

you clutch your belongings and stand by the door until you notice how yoongi's eyes are bloodshot, their usual sharpness dulled by exhaustion. his shoulders rounded with an invisible weight, and you feel guilty for leaving.

“a-are you okay?” you ask, it feels stupid to ask because you know, you were the same as him.

he laughs bitterly and throws you a glare, you notice how his hands tremble beside his body, and you look away to save him and yourself from the pain of asking again.

“i just broke up with my girlfriend of three years, so yeah, i’m doing fantastic,” he breathes out, you wonder if it pains him like it’s paining you to hear his words, “now, can you leave?” yoongi gestures towards the door again.

you sigh, “wait a minute,” and enter your his home again.

“what now?” he throws his hands in the air and stomps after you.

he watches you grab the scarf from under his bed, he turns his eyes away when he sees your hands shaking while holding it, “did you know where it was?” yoongi breathes out, his face and voice in disbelief.

you don’t say anything again.

and when you leave, he pours himself glass over glass to forget the trembling of your jaw and how you paced around the apartment while knowing exactly where you kept the scarf.

he laughs again, the sound is strange, rough, and just wrong without your laugh chiming with him.

he pours himself a glass again.

-

it’s been a week.

“hi,” you say as yoongi walks into his house, he jumps a little, clutching his chest as his eyes widen to look for you.

you raise a hand to wiggle your fingers at him as a ‘hello, hi, ex-boyfriend, you’re back at your home and so am i!’ and yoongi blinks.

“what the fuck are you doing here?”

“oh, i was loo-“

“wait wait, how did you even get in?” yoongi frantically marched to his front door and twisted the knob to check for any damages and you roll your eyes.

“i found your key under the potted plant. speaking of which, do you want to get robbed or something, why would you even put it there?” you throw your hands in the air as you sip tea, grimacing as the strange, bitter taste of yoongi’s favorite green tea spreads in your mouth.

“first of all, stop drinking my tea, you don’t even like it” you put the cup down with a sheepish smile and fold your hands on the table.

“and second of all, i didn’t think i had to worry about any ex-girlfriends breaking in, my bad,” yoongi complains loudly and you press your palms to your ears, shaking your head, “i’m not even here to see you, i’m here for…well, i’m here for,” you struggle to finish the sentence.

and yoongi glares at you.

“what is it?” as he moves his head to pin his glare on you, his soft, freshly straightened hair moves with him.

“straightener!” you say loudly, clapping your hands, and yoongi’s eyebrows narrow again, “you’re going to get wrinkles, yoongi.” you point at his eyebrows but he doesn’t let up, you’re sure that his eyebrows furrowed deeper.

“okay! i’ll be on my way once i get that,” you wander off into his bedroom and yoongi throws his head back in exasperation.

your straightener is easy to find because well, it’s not yours, it’s his and it’s just sitting on his vanity but yoongi doesn’t bat an eye at that.

he only watches you move around his home with his arms crossed on his chest and an unreadable satisfaction on his face.

and when you leave, you can’t help but notice that for all his annoyance, he never tells you to not come back, and he never tells you to find everything you own and leave at once.

with that knowledge, you leave his home with the biggest grin on your face.

-

“you need to get out before my booty call gets here,” you happily eat your ice cream on the kitchen counter as yoongi walks into your home as if he owned it.

did you mention that he was the one to bring you ice cream?

your favorite too, one scoop of hazelnut and one scoop of brownie.

“ha ha, very funny, you should start thinking of a career in stand-up” he responds with a roll of his eyes and you giggle even more, sliding down to catch up with his pace around your home.

“what are you here for?”

“t-shirt, you know the one you stole,” yoongi shrugs and glares again, walking right into your room and you follow with hands closed behind your back, “which one?” you muse as you remember all the (10) t-shirts you’ve stolen from him.

he looks back as he nears the closet, eyes narrowing at you, “how many do you have?”

“how many can you remember that i have?”

yoongi groaned in sheer frustration and you crawled on your bed, watching him pick apart your closet, and glaring at you whenever he found one of his t-shirts in there.

for a moment, it was amusing.

it was the funniest thing to watch yoongi get annoyed, you always enjoyed it.

but in the next moment, when he was around his fifth t-shirt, you felt this ache slowly develop in your chest and spread across your throat and then your mouth, then it was everywhere.

it was this dull throbbing that you couldn’t shake and your eyes dropped to fiddle with your fingers instead of looking at him, collecting his belongings from your home.

because, just two weeks ago, it had been your t-shirts too, hadn’t they? and it wasn’t just your home then, it was yours and his, wasn’t it? sure, you had separate apartments but it never felt like that, it felt like you had two homes and both homes belonged to both of you.

and now, you only had one.

you had wrapped your arms around his back when he was in your room two weeks ago, he was here now but you couldn’t even touch a hair on his head without feeling like you’ve crossed a line.

your head was starting to collect the ache and make a home for it so you ask, “are you almost done?”

you didn’t mean to ask him that, you actually very, very badly wanted yoongi never to leave so you could believe again, ‘i have two homes, i have two toothbrushes, two mugs, two keys, two doors, and two of everything’ but yoongi pauses, he collects the t-shirts he found and nods, “yeah, i’m done.”

when he walks out of your room, the ache finally takes over your head and you follow him with dazed eyes and stumbling feet.

at the door, yoongi stops, he turns around with concern brimming in his eyes and that is enough for your hands to shake again, “you good?”

“i just broke up with my boyfriend of three years, so yeah, i’m doing fantastic,” you deepen your voice to mimic his and yoongi shakes his head with a small laugh, “you better be okay,” he says at the end, and his voice is so soft, it feels like cotton pressed into your cheeks.

and you nod because if yoongi says you have to be okay, you’ll find a way to be okay.

but when he leaves, you are back to having just one home, with one toothbrush in the bathroom, one mug in the kitchen, one set of keys in your purse, one door, and one of everything else.

and you’re sorry to yoongi.

because you don’t know if you can be okay.

-

a couple days passed again.

you had an angry yoongi pacing in front of you as you watched.

“you’re being ridiculous,” yoongi shoves a hand through his hair, glaring at you as you sit with arms across your chest and refusing to look at him.

“i’m not,” you huff out and he rolls his eyes.

he did that a lot.

he did that a lot with you.

“i didn’t steal your plushie, are you fucking kidding me?” yoongi whines and walks away into the kitchen to pour himself a drink.

you follow him and right at the doorway, you don’t enter, you just watch his even more sunken eyes and even more rounded shoulders with conflicted eyes.

a part of you wanted to hug him.

a part of you wouldn’t mind killing him.

a part of you wanted to kiss his shoulders to lift them.

a part of you wanted to leave a red mark on his face.

but all parts of you, you couldn’t trust or believe.

these past few days, you couldn’t trust or believe anything actually.

yoongi senses your eyes on him, he knows how you look at him and how you seem to show so much with just a gaze but he holds strong.

you were broken up.

you shouldn’t be here.

hell, he’s not sure if he should be here or not either.

but he betrays himself over and over again, he lets you into his house and you let him into yours, and he feels ridiculous every time he closes your door, he’s not sure what you feel when you close his.

“i threw it away,” he shrugs his shoulders, eye muscles tensing oddly, he’s not sure if you notice or not.

“what?” your whisper is so quiet, yoongi wouldn’t have known you were speaking if he didn’t see your lips moving.

“i threw it, okay? there was no use of it being around here anymore, so i fucking threw it away,” he didn’t mean for his voice to be loud, and he didn’t mean for his words to hurt but maybe he did, maybe he wanted to hurt you.

but he loves you?

but he’s also okay with hurting you.

to an extent.

yoongi had never understood why he couldn’t love properly, why his love for others and himself had to hold a touch of pain, a touch of misery, but it was always out of his control.

it had been different with you.

for a while, that is.

but he was back to his roots now, pain and misery and love and affection held his hands and danced around him.

and he had to dance with them too.

“i threw it,” he repeated, but your plushie was tucked into his pillows, into his sleep, and into his days and nights.

it was stained with salty tears now, it was stained with the ice cream he ate after he left your home, and he didn’t want you to see it.

for a moment, you both didn’t even twitch in the wrong direction, yoongi watched the dark liquid in his cup with growing intensity and you waited for him to tell you that your plushie was safe.

“fine,” you sniffled, grabbing your coat and stomping to the door and yoongi followed, he tried not to but his feet walked ahead of his mind.

at the door, you angrily shoved your feet into your sneakers and pushed your hair out of your face, as if to prove that you weren’t crying, that you weren’t affected and anyone else would believe you.

but yoongi knows you.

and he knows your red nose and cheeks can only mean one thing.

before you close his door, you say, “you’re a horrible person, yoongi.”

he thinks he knows what you feel when you close his door now.

hatred.

-

you swore to yourself that that would be the last time you turn up at his place, but you had genuinely forgotten something there and needed it this time, so you swallowed your pride and rang his doorbell.

you don’t greet him when he opens the door and yoongi feels like he could fall to his knees when you shove a bag with his favorite ice cream, matcha, and coffee (he’s a caffeine guy, he runs on it), into his hands and yoongi knows he’s forgiven.

“i forgot my trousers here,” you mumble afterward and head straight into his closet to dig through for the work trousers that you cannot live without.

yoongi doesn’t dare to utter a word, he looks through his closet beside you and apologizes when his skin touches yours in any little way.

you can’t believe there was a time when you would touch him as if his body was yours too and he would touch you the same. but his apologies just dug the truth deeper into your skin, which was that you didn’t belong to him, and he didn’t belong to you.

so, you nod, you bear your cheeks heating up and thighs going weak, and just look through his neatly organized piles of clothes too.

he used to organize your stuff too, he used to section them, fold them, and keep them neatly by his clothes.

that’s how you find your trousers, crisp folds, and fresh-smelling, right beside his work clothes.

and your heart squeezes as you pull it out.

the folds loosen, the trousers limp in your hands, and that small change in its structure, makes you think of yoongi and everything that fell apart with him.

when you leave that day, you pause at the door and whisper, “you’re not horrible, yoongi, but maybe i am, maybe i ruined everything, but please don’t hate me.”

before he can catch you and wipe your tears and tell you that you were right last time, he was the horrible one, he was the one who texted late, who came home late, who missed birthdays, but you were already running away and he was left with a lit cigarette burning his throat.

-

“i swear, it was here,” yoongi shifts the things around your closet, head buried deep in shelves and racks of clothes and shoes, you stand at the doorway with your arms crossed against your chest, trying not to roll your eyes.

“and you have a million other headphones, so i don’t understand why you would need to find this one,” you step into the room and lazily move things around to try and find it too, yoongi scoffs from a few feet away, “it was special to me,” he says and turns his back to you again.

“why?”

“my grandfather gave it to me,” yoongi huffs, and his hands stay busy.

but.

“your grandfather died when you were five,” there was no way his grandpa gave it to him and you know you’ve caught him.

he could’ve at least tried harder with his lies.

it was strange, seeing him here, standing in your bedroom, surrounded by things that no longer belonged to both of you.

you don’t think you’ll ever get over that feeling of loss.

the moisturizer you would’ve shared with him.

the cheap wig that he would wear to make you laugh.

the razor that you would hide to annoy him.

they only belonged to you now.

though you don’t bring up his grandfather to drive him away, you only say it because it was hard for you to understand why he was here, looking for headphones that he could buy tens of pairs of.

he pauses, you wait for him to say something else, or lie about a friend who didn’t exist who gave it to him, lie about his dad giving it to him.

but yoongi doesn’t say anything.

he keeps looking.

you refused to keep anything that touched you in the last three years.

well, except for some things.

“yoongi,” you call out, pointing towards the unopened box in your closet and he turns his head that way, quickly walking over to it and flipping it upside down.

the photo album that carried your first anniversary.

the promise ring that he gave you on your second anniversary.

the matching couple t-shirt which he cringed at but wore whenever he could.

the.

the.

the.

so many the’s and so many first’s and second’s of things that you kept, though ‘kept’ was the wrong word, you treasured these things, you loved them.

and all of them fell on the floor with noise that shook your ears and chest, not because of the volume but because it was like you were pouring your heart in front of him.

but you loved them in the past, you liked to think that you did and you were in the present now, watching yoongi eye the things you gathered without his knowledge.

and all of it was only yours now.

“when did you keep this here?” he asks, and you immediately know he’s asking about the simple diamond ring that everyone thought was your engagement ring.

but it was just a promise ring.

and you removed it when, “that day you didn’t come for my birthday,” you mumbled, picking up the things and putting them back where they belonged.

buried inside a box.

shoved into a closet.

but before, you pull out his headphones from the box and hang it over your head for him to take.

when he takes it, his fingers touch the smallest part of your palm and your eyes gather tears as if rivers were breaking a dam in them.

yoongi stands without saying a word for a long time but then he walks to the door, “you’re not going to close your door?”

you’re not coming to see me off?

you get up unwillingly and walk to the door without sneaking another glance at him and drop the ring into his palm, “bye, yoongi.”

his hands tighten around the band of platinum.

both of you look at the dangly, worn-out wires of his headphones that hang from his other hand.

you had given them to him for your first anniversary.

not his dead grandpa or dad or friend.

it was you.

and both of you refused to acknowledge that fact.

and when yoongi finally leaves, he leaves behind a space in the air that waits for him to come back and take his place again, in your life, in your home, in your space.

but he doesn’t turn back.

and you close the door, letting the space remain.

-

a few days went by again.

neither of you showed up at each other’s doors anymore.

neither of you had anything left to collect.

neither of you had anything that belonged to the other.

and it was strange, the quiet, the loneliness that crept on your back and it always hit at the most unexpected of times.

when you poured your cereal in the morning, you realized you were holding the box that you had bought while grocery shopping with yoongi, it was your favorite time of the month, the one time you could really feel that he was your person.

but the box was empty by the end of your breakfast and you kept it back in the cabinet.

when you arranged your clothes, you saw your messy folding and fell back on the pile of clothes that still needed folding.

how yoongi did this every day, you had no clue.

but as you lay in pieces of cotton, linens, satins, sequins, and many more materials that hugged and pinched you, you couldn’t help but think that surely, yoongi wouldn’t leave you like this, there has to be something of his that you still own.

there has to be something.

so, you got up and with renewed desperate energy, you started searching.

you pulled upon every desk, every closet door, every nook and cranny, you searched with shaking hands and watery eyes.

“there has to be something, there has to be,” you whispered to yourself, your voice choking as things fall over from the tall walls, they fall on your feet, and your toes, and a sharp pain hits you every single time, but you push through.

because.

there has to be something.

you can’t end it like this.

you and yoongi cannot end like this.

anyone else can.

but not you, not him and you.

and the closets you look through stay ajar, the desks you’ve emptied stay tipped over, and everything you own is on the floor.

but there is none of yoongi in any of it.

so, you sink.

you sink to your knees, sobbing and flipping over items as you reach them.

because goddamit, there has to be something.

when the bell first rings, you don’t register it, you are way too intent on the clutter in front of you.

but then it rings.

and rings.

and rings, again and again.

relentless.

and you push yourself up, hoping it’s no one you know because you don’t think you can explain the tears on your face.

but when you open the door, your mouth goes dry and you know you don’t have to explain anything.

because across from you, is a red-eyed yoongi and he’s carrying a box.

“can i come in?” is all he asks, his voice barely a whisper and you’re already opening the door and pulling him in.

but once he’s in your home, in your space again, the familiar soft and sharp scent of him, the sight of him, it was too much. you couldn’t breathe. your eyes never leave him, every breath he took, every shift of his fingers, every fall of his chest, all of it was dancing in your eyes and for the love of god, you couldn’t look away.

he sets the box down and stands there with his hands opening and closing around nothing, and you want to grab them, you want to spread them across your cheeks and feel his warmth, which was sometimes cold too but you didn’t mind, you never minded with yoongi.

but instead, you curl your hands behind your back and stop yourself because it still wasn’t right.

“i don’t have anything of yours,” you start, voice already breaking, “anymore,” you finish with hands tightening so hard around each other that you could feel the bruises blooming on their surface.

“i know,” he takes a sharp inhale of breath and looks away from you and you want to beg him to look at you.

for a second, it’s just you reliving every second you weren’t with him and it’s him looking at your apartment that was void of anything personal, anything that called it a home.

“i want all of it back,” he sniffs, looking at you finally, you want to take it back, you aren’t sure how you survived three years of his eyes only on you and you squeeze your door handle, “all of what?” you whisper, and he sniffs again, “your stuff, all of it, your stupid scarf, your straightener, everything, i want all of it back, in my place, in our place, where it belongs.” he says it so quietly, so earnestly and each word has you pulling your skin tighter.

“your plushie is in this, i never threw it away but i’m taking it back, my t-shirts and headphones are in this, i’m leaving them here,” he bends over the box and starts picking things apart, and each thing he pulls out, fills you with relief.

but.

“but that isn’t right, yoongi,” you try to defend, “we aren’t together anymore,” you hate the words as they surface out of you and yoongi shakes his head.

“but is this right?” he lifts his hands from the box, his jaw trembling again and you instinctively smooth your hand over it and yoongi pushes his face into your hands.

“is it right, both of us miserable?” he whispers and the world bottoms out from underneath you, suddenly gravity is nothing and you’re both floating towards each other.

“but i hurt you,” you grip his headphones and this time, his tears fall the same as yours do, “i hurt you too.” he places a hand on your knees and that cold warmth, that bare touch leaves you open.

“but i’m done, i don’t want to hurt you anymore,” yoongi begs, he shakes his head as he says it as if he can’t believe there was a time that he had hurt you but you’re the same, you can’t believe that you hurt him once.

“before you came here, i was looking for something, anything that was yours so i could come back,” you sniffed loudly, your voice falling and lifting and yoongi listens with eyes that have always looked at you, “but i didn’t find anything, yoongi and it killed me.” your voice fully gives up as you bury your face into your hands and immediately, you feel his arms pulling you into his chest and his hands running down your hair.

“you don’t have to do that anymore, i’m back see,” he tips your face towards him and his smile is so soft, so real that it makes you smile too, “i’m not going anywhere.” he assures you with a kiss on the top of your head and your watery eyes dry out.

“me too, i don’t want this anymore, i want us, i want two of everything, i want you and i want everything,” you utter back to him, the weight of the words floating between you too.

“and you have it, you have everything again, the ring is in there too but that is for whenever you’re ready.” he kisses you again and you snuggle into his embrace, feeling like you’ve lost centuries of holding him, the thought of the ring swells your chest into a balloon that could snap, “that will take time, but thank you,” you whisper, kissing where his shoulders met his neck.

“like i said, whenever you’re ready but it will always belong to you.” yoongi whispers back and you smile in pure delight, nodding along to his words.

“we were stupid for thinking that we could stay apart,” you laugh hesitantly into his chest, the idea of the two of you trying to be separate was ridiculous to you and yoongi laughs with you, which makes you melt into his body, because it was ridiculous, you were two parts of a whole, two houses in a home, two mugs in a kitchen, two keys in your purse, two toothbrushes in one bathroom and two of everything else that you could think of.

and that was how it should’ve been, that was how it was always meant to be.

somewhere in the night, yoongi crawls up your sheets and your plushie is between the two of you and you make fun of him for acting as if he threw it away, he rolls his eyes and shushes you with a kiss.

“by the way, that straightener is yours, not mine,” you whisper and he is aghast, “i fucking knew it,” he yells and sits up, and immediately starts to complain “you know how stupid i’ve been looking with hair that looks just like holly’s!”

and you remind him, playfully this time, that what was yours was his, and what was his was yours and he falls on the bed, grumbling under his breath and complaining until the sun comes up.

and it feels right, everything that belonged to you and him back in their place, back in their homes and yoongi, back in your life, your home, and your space.

just as it should be, just as it was meant to be.

[piedpiperslists]

Seokjin One Shots (XXXIII)

* s - contains smut

Caught in Waves by @aseaofyoongi s wc~13.1k / strangers to lovers Summary: After graduating culinary school you are fired from your very first job as a sous chef — so you move to a small town for the summer only to meet the very cute nephew of the restaurant and Airbnb owner.

[...] Far Worse Fates by @ubemango s wc~7.9k / fake dating au Summary: Seokjin saves you, again and again.

In You, I Lay by @namfinessed wc~7.8k / strangers to lovers Summary: One night was all you needed to come back to him or a story in which love grows where Seokjin goes, and you can’t help but follow.

All of the Girls You Loved Before by @yoongiphoria wc~2.8k / established relationship Summary: You wonder how he managed to find a path, despite all the dead-end streets, back to you.

Enchanted by @yoongiphoria wc~2.6k / college au Summary: Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you.

Back to December by @yoongiphoria s wc~3k / exes to lovers Summary: He'd rather walk into oncoming traffic than face another December, especially alone, but it's not really up to him.

Devilish by @dreamyjoons s wc~5.6k / devil!Seokjin, PWP Summary: Desperation can make you do many things - although selling your soul to a crossroads demon is a little far. But Jin isn’t just any crossroads demon, and he’s going to prove it to you.

Best Part by @x0x0josephinex0x0 wc~2.6k / friends to lovers

A Dream Come True by @moni-logues s wc~3k / roommates au, PWP Summary: You've been fantasising about your roommate (and making it obvious) for weeks; Jin has been a little slow on the uptake, desperate to avoid awkwardness and embarrassment. It's only when he's tired and worn down from work that he finds himself able to skip over his self-consciousness and you get to find out what happens when dreams come true.

The Horrible Un-Haunting of Elliot House by @kpopfanfictrash wc~6.2k / ghost au Summary: Some houses are harder to sell than others but you, Y/N, are determined to find the (supposedly) haunted Elliot House a new owner. That is, until it's very real and very hot exceedingly well-dressed ghost decides to make himself known. If only you didn't find yourself enjoying the knowing.

[ts19009]

BTS FIC REC'S: PART 6

(CONTAINS SMUT AND MATURE SUBJECT MATTER)

(Bold title means favorite)

(UPDATED: September 4th, 2023)

Jungkook

order up | jjk (waiter!jungkook x customer!reader) @ressjeon

my euphoria | jjk [fake dating au ; ceo jjk x florist oc] @moyochu

The Broken Vow (manipulation, yandere, hospitals, divorce, mentions of death, angst,) @lleldey

game over (streamer/gamer!au) @ressjeon

the road to radiant | jjk (m) (fluff, angst, smut, gamer!au, streamer!au, rivals to friends to lovers!au) @kookskingdom

The Language of Flowers (Hanahaki AU) @justimajin

dance with the devil | jjk (angst, royalty - bridgerton vibes, childhood friends to enemies to ?luvrs?) @alphabetboyluvr

Not in the Way You Think (ChildHoodFriendsToLovers!AU, NonIdol!AU, VirginReader!AU, BachelorJK!Au, Fuck-Boy JK, Virgin Reader) @jungkookstatts

Seven Days Masterlist | JJK (nurse!jungkook x teacher!reader, non-idol au, brother's friend au, fwb, age-gap(reader is older), f2l, fluff, angst, smut) @hisunshiine

cool with you | jeon jungkook (strangers to friends to lovers. smut. afab!reader [she/her] x neighbor!jk) @kooktrash

Sour (ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP, BOXER AU, DANCE, AU SMUT, FLUFF, ANGST) @thvhoe

champagne problems | jeon jungkook (groom!jungkook x wedding planner!reader) @daegustae

we keep this love - j.jk (fluff, angst (5k, lots of pining and f2l)) @namfinessed

Taehyung

the odds on us | k.th. (m) (angst | smut | fluff | exes to lovers!au | slice of life!au) @jimilter

can’t take my eyes off of you (one night stand, smut, pinch of fluff) @mrworldwideshoulders

Crazy for You | kth (best friend’s older brother to lovers, a little bit of fake dating trope, idol!au, angst, smut, fluff, snippets of life) @oddinary4bts

best friend’s best friend (best friend!heir!jeongguk x heiress!reader x best friend’s best friend!heir!taehyung) @ktheist

all you want | kim taehyung (rich ceo!kth x rich student!reader) @kooktrash

Seducing the Villain 1 [Villain!Taehyung x Reader x Noble!BTS] @helenazbmrskai

Page Turner (M) | KTH (Kim Taehyung/ Reader, Teacher!Tae/ Librarian!Reader) @gukslut

Exchanging Heat (M) | KTH (Korean exchange/visiting student!Taehyung x (slight) tsundere!reader) @jinfizz

unconditionally || kth (ex-husband!taehyung x female reader ➼ genre: angst | fluff | hurt/comfort | smut | divorce au | exes to lovers au | parents au) @sugakookitty

tolerate it masterlist (heavy angst, one-sided love, forced marriage, infidelity, smut) @archivedkookie

entangled spidey!jungkook x fem reader, venom!taehyung x fem reader (romance, smut, love triangle) @caelesjjk

(re)starting over again | kth; masterlist (baker!taehyung x nurse!reader, amnesia au) @httpknjoon

the art of obsession | kim taehyung (dark academia. college au. painter!taehyung x writer!y/n [afab. she/her]) @kooktrash

lace & luxury | kim taehyung (sugar daddy!taehyung x exotic dancer!reader [she/her, female anatomy], taehyung aged up) @kooktrash

Seokjin

Knocked (Streamer!Seokjin x f. Reader) @sailoryooons

a human touch, part 2, final (robot!taehyung/virgin!reader, fluff, smut (NSFW, 18+)) A@snackhobi

On The Ropes (KSJ x F!Reader) (ex-boxer!Seokjin x lawyer!reader (ft. boxer!Jungkook) genres/au/rating: angst, smut, infidelity!AU, 18+) @raplinesmoejon

[soephiphany]

Hi :)

I wanted to start here by giving you some fic recs of some of my fav stories/mostly drabbles I've read here.

How I'm a slut for fluff, there'll be a lot of it, like, A LOT.

Favs of all : 🌼

Let me get started with the whole reason why I downloaded this app (I'm serious)

And also my boy Yoongi

The love of my life :

I actually started reading this at Wattpad and got so addicted that i needed more. Now I just can't stop thinking about it and everything i do reminds me of it. Yes. I'm yoongi biased (actually Yoonjin). 🌼

I actually don't know if I recommend some of if or just the whole page :/ everything it's just so beautiful lol I'll just rec my favs :)

Prepare yourself to suffer :

(i don't think I'll ever be able to look at rain in the same way. I highly agree it's cloud piss)

This one actually made me cry, it's so sweet. 🌼

This is CANDY SWEET. I love you @indgio, i love you lol

Okay. Here's more Yoongi stuff cause I'm whipped.

🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/poutyniall/i-was-thinking-about-how-yoongis-first-i-love/bdcy7bjab4ew

https://at.tumblr.com/your-daily-biaswrecking/yoongi-is-cooking-but-when-yn-comes-home-she/ja0kv6uny3ys 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/ijungkooki/day-2-yoongiswitching-places/ny5f0p8u0dkg

https://at.tumblr.com/bluewhale52/almost/y5ce8kgs0fbq

https://at.tumblr.com/poutyniall/i-can-see-yoongi-as-the-type-of-boyfriend-to-in/odvl5fyz4052

https://at.tumblr.com/jjkeverlast/colorful-lines-myg/gaf8tgvj6t8b

https://at.tumblr.com/norcula/a-drabble-series-involving-min-yoongi-and/jtvv1yk9yhmn 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/yoongiphoria/sweet-toothache-myg/mzzf51zak4ih

https://at.tumblr.com/indgio/1643-myg-yoongi-cant-help-the-smile-that/peeguu80eyy9 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/kookiesbuckethat/yoongi-x-freader-genre-angst-to-fluff/h8m5nexhz3a1

https://at.tumblr.com/namfinessed/genre-major-angst-fluff-second-chance-romance/0gcij73hmj0n

https://at.tumblr.com/blue-jisungs/poor-kitty/3q79j8mdd9wu 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/eoieopda/can-i-request-a-drabble-with-darksidedyoongi/t1fedf3mf9zf

https://at.tumblr.com/herecomesjoon/a-lovely-thing-to-wake-up-to-this-is-very-sweet/ng38zcxflff2

https://at.tumblr.com/justanotherstarlightmonger/ice-cream-makes-everything-better-myg/5y9881zdqlxm

(i relate a lot to this one, since i have migraines)

https://at.tumblr.com/sailoryooons/hi-for-your-writng-event-id-like-to-request-a/7vypphp1hs2f

https://at.tumblr.com/kooksbunnnn/helping-hands-min-yoongi/p1ixviegnkth 😳

https://at.tumblr.com/champagneher/midnight-kiss-min-yoongi-based-on-them/7k7scbx7nv

https://at.tumblr.com/yoonlattesworld/purity/5fwfb2swa1ux 🌼🌼🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/yoonlattesworld/having-a-bad-anxiety-attack-while-yoongi-holds-you/m31dbzqmdibl

https://at.tumblr.com/yoonlattesworld/his-world/tqqfdz999v6f

https://at.tumblr.com/parkdatjimin/i-finally-have-my-request-what-about-ancient/xttd74l2xrg3 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/aphrodijin/swing-life-away-min-yoongi/oaq9s6tj3u8u 🌼

https://at.tumblr.com/jjkeverlast/unexpected-lovers-myg/eqqmw26aq5sl 🌼

(This was way much prettier, i promise. It's just the third time I'm doing it, so my small patience is running out)

NOW... (for the third time) I'll recommend some profiles i LOVE

@indgio love you

@jjkgyu i love their reacts so much

@bangtan-sonyeonddaeng i highly recommend this for the ppl who like BTS reacts

@jjkeverlast yeah. Just yeah. I don't really know what to say lol ... Borahae haahah

@personasintro MIMI HAS MY SOUL.

And last but really not least: @onlyswan ... They have me entire heart for themselves. Thank you, just ... Thank you lol. I love SO much their drabbles and they make me so happy and comforted. I slept at 2am yesterday cause I couldn't stop reading fluffy Jungkook lmao

Well... Guess this is it (and i really hope this time Tumblr helps me ;-;) this was basically me being a simp for the boys, mostly Yoongi ahahaha

Enjoy these Yoongi, (a little bit of) OT7, and the biggest bias wrecker of my life: Jeon Jungkook:))

That's it! I hope you enjoy these stories as much as i did ☺️

See you next time <3

- Soo Soo 🌼

[americanobts]

@namfinessed kel is truly an incredible writer and so kind! read their work!

💜

[topskynews]

வட கொரியாவை எதிர்கொள்ள ஜப்பான் BMD அமைப்பை பயன்படுத்துகிறது

24 ஏப்ரல் 2023 கபில் காஜல் மூலம் ஜப்பானின் MoD ஆனது PAC-3 அமைப்பை ஒகினாவா ப்ரிஃபெக்சரில் நிலைநிறுத்த உத்தரவிட்டது, மேலும் ஜப்பானைச் சுற்றியுள்ள நீரில் SM-3 ஏவுகணைகள் பொருத்தப்பட்ட Aegis BMD அமைப்புகளை நிலைநிறுத்த உத்தரவிட்டது. கிரீட்டில் உள்ள நேட்டோ ஏவுகணை சுடுதல் நிறுவல் (NAMFI) வரம்பில் PAC-3 நேரடி துப்பாக்கிச் சூட்டை படம் காட்டுகிறது. (Luftwaffe/Nurgün Schmidt) ஜப்பானின் பாதுகாப்பு அமைச்சகம்…