ginkgooou

[ginkgooou]

Crossing the line (part 4)

Ingrid Engen x Putellas!reader

Alexia Putellas x sister!reader

Word count:4k

Warning:angst

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Ingrid limped after you, her voice frantic. “No, Y/N, please don’t do this. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid! I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want things to get worse between you two.”

You froze at the door, your hand gripping the doorknob so tightly your knuckles turned white. Your heart was racing, adrenaline still surging, fueled by the anger boiling inside.

When you turned to face her, Ingrid’s worried expression softened the sharp edges of your anger, but the frustration still simmered beneath the surface.

“Ingrid, she hurt you,” you said, your voice low but tense. “She crossed a line, and she’s my sister. She needs to understand that what she did isn’t okay.”

“I know she did,” Ingrid replied, her voice trembling slightly. “But going after her now, when you’re this upset… it’ll just make everything worse. Please, calm down first. You can talk to her tomorrow, once you’re not so angry. Stay here with me, okay? Don’t go.”

You exhaled sharply, the tension still coiling in your chest, but her words started to sink in. Ingrid stepped closer, reaching up to cup your cheek, her thumb brushing gently across your skin in soothing circles.

“Alexia’s protective,” she said softly, her eyes pleading. “This whole situation is a shock to her, but confronting her like this won’t help. Let’s just take it slow, deal with it together—one step at a time.”

You stared into her eyes, torn between your desire to protect Ingrid and the realization that she was right. Going after Alexia now, in the heat of your anger, would only throw gasoline on the fire.

After a long moment, you released the doorknob and let out a heavy breath. “Fine,” you muttered, nodding slowly. “I’ll stay. But tomorrow, I will talk to her.”

Ingrid sighed in relief and immediately wrapped her arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. “Thank you,” she whispered, pressing her forehead against your shoulder. “We’ll deal with this. Together.”

As you stood there in the quiet, holding each other, the tension in your body slowly ebbed away. But in the back of your mind, the unresolved conflict with Alexia still loomed, like a storm gathering strength on the horizon.

You knew the confrontation was inevitable, but for now, with Ingrid in your arms, you allowed yourself to push it aside. Just for a little longer.

——

The next morning, you woke up with a pit in your stomach. Even after Ingrid’s comforting words the night before, the anger still simmered beneath the surface.

The image of her wincing in pain because of Alexia’s reckless actions burned in your mind, igniting your blood all over again.

Ingrid was already up when you emerged from the bedroom, sitting on the couch with her foot propped up and an ice pack resting on her ankle.

Sunlight streamed through the window, illuminating her features and softening her expression. She looked up as you pulled on your jacket, an understanding glint in her eyes.

“I see you’re getting ready,” she said, her voice steady but laced with concern. “Are you sure about this?”

You nodded, trying to project confidence. “I have to see Alexia. She needs to know what she did to you isn’t okay.”

Ingrid’s expression shifted slightly, her concern deepening. “I know how angry you are, Y/N. But please, remember what we talked about last night. If you go in there like this, it could blow up.”

You crossed your arms, frustration bubbling just beneath the surface. “But Ingrid, she hurt you! How can I just sit back and let that slide? It feels like I’m betraying you by not standing up for you.”

Ingrid stood, her movements careful as she stepped closer to you. “You’re not betraying me. You’re protecting me by being smart about this. You’re my girlfriend, and I love that you want to defend me, but I also want you to be careful.” Her eyes were earnest, and you could see the sincerity in her gaze.

“Maybe you’re right,” you said, your voice softening. “But it’s hard to stay calm when I know she’s responsible for your pain.”

Ingrid reached up, gently cupping your cheek with her warm hand. “I know it’s difficult,” she said, her voice soothing, “but you have to breathe. If you confront her while you’re still angry, you might say things you don’t mean.”

You sighed, the tension in your body beginning to ease as her thumb brushed across your skin. “I just wish I didn’t have to face her at all,” you admitted, your heart racing with a mix of dread and determination.

Ingrid leaned in, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss, her warmth enveloping you like a comforting blanket. It was a kiss that spoke volumes, full of love and understanding.

You melted into her, allowing the softness of the moment to wash over you, grounding you before the storm ahead.

When you pulled back, you were breathless, the lingering warmth of her lips igniting a fire within you. “You really know how to calm me down,” you murmured, a smile creeping onto your face.

“I try,” she said with a playful glint in her eyes, stepping back slightly but keeping her hand on your cheek. “Just promise me that you’ll try to stay calm when you talk to her. I’ll be waiting for you when you get back, ready to hear everything.”

You nodded, taking one last look at her, the love in her eyes fortifying you against the confrontation you were about to face. “Okay, I promise. I’ll try to keep my cool.”

Ingrid’s smile widened, and she squeezed your hand, her touch electrifying. “You’re stronger than you think. And remember, no matter what happens, we’re in this together.”

As you stepped out the door, the weight of the impending confrontation hung heavily on your chest, but Ingrid’s reassurance echoed in your mind.

This wasn’t just about standing up to Alexia; it was about asserting your independence and protecting the relationship you cherished.

As you drove to Alexia’s apartment, memories of your childhood with her flashed in your mind—how protective she had always been, especially after your dad passed. You felt a mix of nostalgia and resolve, knowing you had to stand your ground.

This was your life now, and it was time for Alexia to understand that you were no longer a child who needed shielding. You had your own love to protect, and you would do anything to keep it safe.

——

When you arrived at Alexia's apartment, you stood at the door and took a deep breath, attempting to calm yourself, but it was no use.

Despite Ingrid’s wise words echoing in your mind, the anger simmered just below the surface. The thought of Ingrid's pain consumed you, reigniting the fire in your chest.

You pushed the door open—thankfully it was unlocked, as Alexia often forgot to close it properly—and stormed into the living room, slamming the door behind you. Alba was sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone.

She looked up, startled by the sudden noise, her expression softening when she recognized you.

“Y/N? ¿Qué estás haciendo aquí?” she asked, rising to her feet in surprise. (What are you doing here?)

“Me alegra que estés aquí. Necesito hablar contigo y con Alexia. ¿Dónde está ella?” you shot back coldly, your heart racing with frustration. (I’m glad you’re here. I need to talk to you and Alexia. Where is she?)

Before Alba could respond, Alexia entered the room, crossing her arms defensively. “¿Qué quieres?” she asked, her tone dripping with annoyance. “¿Estás aquí para decirnos que mentiste sobre algo más?” (What do you want? Are you here to tell us that you lied about something else?)

You could feel your voice trembling with rage as you replied, “Vine a hablar contigo. Sobre cómo has estado tratando a Ingrid en los entrenamientos. ¿Qué coño te pasa, Alexia?” (I came to talk to you. About how you’ve been treating Ingrid at training. What the hell is wrong with you, Alexia?)

Alexia scoffed, shaking her head with feigned concern. “¡Oh! Pobre Ingrid, ¿vino a llorarte sobre su pobre tobillo?” she mocked, wiping an imaginary tear from her cheek. (Oh! Poor Ingrid, did she come crying to you about her poor ankle?)

In that moment, you saw red. “Puta” you yelled, adrenaline pumping as you lunged at her. But before you could reach her, Alba caught your arm, holding you back. (Bitch!)

“¡Y/N, cálmate!” Alba pleaded, her grip firm as the two of you began shouting over one another. (Y/N, calm down!)

“¡Suéltame! ¡Te voy a dar una bofetada que ni te la esperas!” you shouted, frustration boiling over as you tried to break free. (Let go of me! I’ll smack you so fucking hard)

Suddenly, a voice cut through the chaos. “¿Qué demonios está pasando aquí?” You turned to see your mom standing in the doorway, her face a mixture of shock and concern. (What the hell is going on here?)

The tension in the room shifted as all eyes turned toward her, the fight momentarily forgotten in the wake of her presence.

“Mamá, dile a Alba que me suelte. ¡Necesito matar a esta idiota que es tu hija!”you shouted, fury coursing through your veins. (Mom, tell Alba to let go of me! I need to kill this idiot who’s your daughter!)

Eli’s face hardened as she took in the chaotic scene before her. “¿Qué está pasando aquí?” she repeated, her voice steady but edged with concern. (What’s going on here?)

“Y/N, ¿por qué estás tan alterada?” (Y/N, why are you so upset?)

“¡Alexia ha estado acosando an Ingrid!” you yelled, your voice thick with emotion. (Alexia has been bullying Ingrid!)

“¡La ha estado tratando como si no fuera nada” (She’s been treating her like she’s nothing)

“¿Acosando?” Eli echoed, her eyes shifting to Alexia, confusion etched on her features. “¿Ingrid? ¿Qué está pasando exactamente?” (Bullying?Ingrid? What exactly is happening?)

Alexia crossed her arms defiantly, a scowl replacing any hint of guilt. “No es acoso; solo es fútbol,” she shot back, but the uncertainty flickering in her eyes revealed a deeper truth. (It’s not bullying; it’s just football)

“No, ¡no lo es! ¡Has estado haciéndole la vida un infierno!” you retorted, frustration bubbling over. You shoved Alba away, feeling the urge to confront Alexia directly. (No, it’s not! You’ve been making her life a living hell!)

“¡Has hecho que se sienta como si no valiera nada solo porque está saliendo conmigo!” (You’ve made her feel worthless just because she’s dating me!)

Eli took a step closer, her voice calm yet authoritative. “¡Basta! Quiero que todos se sienten alrededor de la mesa. Necesitamos hablar,” she instructed, her commanding presence cutting through the tension in the room. “Ahora.” (Enough! I want all of you to sit down around the table. We need to talk.Now.)

Reluctantly, you all made your way to the dining room, the atmosphere heavy with unspoken resentment.

The silence felt suffocating as you took your seats at the table, your heart pounding in your chest like a drum.

Eli settled into her chair across from you, her face a mix of disappointment and maternal concern that sent a shiver down your spine.

“Y/N, ¿qué está pasando realmente? ¿Estás realmente saliendo con Ingrid?” (Y/N, what’s really going on? Are you really dating Ingrid?)

Eli’s voice softened as she attempted to bridge the widening gap between you, but there was a palpable tension in her tone that made it clear this was no casual conversation.

Taking a deep breath, you felt the weight of the moment bearing down on you. “Sí, mamá. Ingrid es mi novia.” (Yes, Mom. Ingrid is my girlfriend.)

The admission hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable, as Alexia let out a scoff of disbelief that cut through the silence like a knife.

Eli shot Alexia a sharp, warning glare, her eyes narrowing in silent command for her to keep quiet.

Turning back to you, she leaned in slightly, her tone a mixture of gentleness and firmness. “¿Por qué no me dijiste esto, mi amor?” (Why didn’t you tell me about this, my love?)

“Tenía miedo de cómo reaccionarías,” you confessed, your voice trembling slightly as sadness crept in. “Después de cómo reaccionaron Alba y Alexia, no quería arriesgarme a que tú sintieras lo mismo.” (I was scared of how you’d react. After how Alba and Alexia reacted, I didn’t want to risk you feeling the same way.)

Eli’s brows furrowed in concern. “¿Qué pasó? ¿Cómo reaccionaron?”Her eyes narrowed, directing her disappointment toward her two eldest daughters as if they were guilty of a crime against the family. (What happened? How did they react?)

With a heavy heart, you recounted the painful morning when Alexia and Alba had barged into your room, their faces twisted with anger as they confronted you and Ingrid in bed.

You could still feel the fury radiating off Alexia as she had demanded you break up. As you spoke, Eli’s expression shifted from concern to shock, her disappointment enveloping the room like a thick fog, amplifying the already tense atmosphere.

“¿Cuándo ocurrió esto?” Eli asked, her voice trembling slightly, barely above a whisper, as if the truth might shatter the fragile state of the room. (When did this happen?)

“Hace una semana,” you admitted, your stomach churning as the weight of the revelation settled in. (A week ago)

The tension in the air was palpable, a thick fog of unspoken fears and anxieties that suffocated every breath.

“¿Entonces, no han hablado en una semana?” Eli pressed, her gaze flitting between you and your sisters, disappointment etching lines into her features. (So, you haven’t talked to each other in a week?)

You all nodded in silence, the atmosphere growing heavier, charged with unresolved emotions.

“¿Y por qué estás tan molesta ahora? ¿Qué pasó con Ingrid y Alexia?” Eli inquired, her protective instincts flaring, her eyes narrowing as they sought the truth hidden in the chaos of the moment. (And why are you so upset now? What happened with Ingrid and Alexia?)

Before Alexia could interject, a single, piercing glare from Eli silenced her, the air crackling with tension.

“¡La ha estado tratando terriblemente—haciéndola sentir inútil, acumulando entrenamientos extra como si fuera una carga! ¡Mamá, incluso la hirió a propósito! ¡Ahora Ingrid ni siquiera puede caminar sin cojear!”you blurted out, your voice shaking with fury as your eyes locked onto Alexia. Each word was a blow, each accusation fueled by the pain you felt for Ingrid. (She’s been treating her terribly—making her feel worthless, piling on extra drills like she’s some sort of burden. Mom, she even hurt her on purpose! Now Ingrid can’t even walk without limping!)

“¡Esto es ridículo! ¡No hice nada tan malo; solo es fútbol! ¡Si se lastimó, eso es culpa de ella!”Alexia rolled her eyes, dismissing your words with a wave of her hand, her voice laced with disdain, as if your concerns were trivial. (This is ridiculous! I didn’t do anything that bad; it’s just football! If she got hurt, that’s on her!)

“¿De verdad?” you shot back, your anger boiling over. “¿Qué pasa con los entrenamientos extra? ¿Qué pasa con cómo la menospreciabas delante de todos? ¿Te importa siquiera cómo esto la afecta?” (Really?What about the extra drills? What about how you belittled her in front of everyone? Do you even care about how this affects her?)

“¡Solo estoy tratando de endurecerla! ��Es demasiado blanda para este deporte!”Alexia snapped, her frustration growing, the defensiveness in her tone thick as resentment brewed between you. (I’m just trying to toughen her up! She’s too soft for this sport!)

“¿Endurecerla? ¿O es solo que no puedes soportar la idea de que esté con ella?” you yelled, your emotions spilling over, the anger mingling with hurt. (Toughening her up? Or is it just that you can’t stand the idea of me being with her?)

“¡Y/N, eso no es justo!” Alba interjected, her voice quaking as she attempted to diffuse the tension crackling in the room, but her words fell flat against the rising storm. (Y/N, that’s not fair!)

“¡Cállate, Alba! ¡Nadie pidió tu opinión! ¡Siempre estás del lado de Alexia! ¡Se suponía que debías apoyarme… ¡prometiste!” Tears welled in your eyes as you faced your sister, the weight of betrayal crashing down on you like a wave. (Shut up, Alba! No one asked for your opinion! You’re always siding with Alexia! You were supposed to have my back… you promised!)

“No puedo creer que esto esté pasando. Pensé que ustedes dos apoyarían a su hermana, no que la destruyeran por quien ama.” Eli’s expression shifted, disappointment flooding her features as she looked between you, Alexia, and Alba. (I can’t believe this is happening. I thought you both would support your sister, not tear her apart because of who she loves.)

“¡No entiendes! ¡No es tan simple! ¡Esto es todo… complicado!” Alexia leaped to her feet, fists clenched, anger radiating from her, desperation coloring her voice as she searched for a way to make them understand. (You don’t understand! It’s not that simple! This is all… complicated!)

“¿Complicado? ¿Crees que es complicado para ti?” you shot back, rising from your chair, fury igniting every nerve in your body. (Complicated? You think it’s complicated for you?)

“¡Ingrid es la que está sufriendo, y tú actúas como si no importara!” (Ingrid is the one who’s hurting, and you act like it doesn’t matter!)

“Alexia, entiendo que quieras proteger a tu hermana, pero Y/N es una adulta. Ella merece vivir su vida libremente, y necesitas disculparte con Ingrid.” Eli stepped in, her tone firm but calm, striving to restore order to the chaos. (Alexia, I understand you want to protect your sister, but Y/N is an adult. She deserves to live her life freely, and you need to apologize to Ingrid.)

“¿Entonces, estás del lado de ella ahora? ¿Contra mí? ¿Después de todo lo que hemos pasado juntas?” Alexia’s face twisted in anger and betrayal, her eyes blazing with fury, her voice dripping with bitterness. (So, you’re taking her side now? Against me? After everything we’ve been through together?)

“No estoy tomando partido, Alexia. Estoy defendiendo lo que es correcto. Estás cruzando una línea, y no puedo quedarme al margen y verte lastimar a tu hermana y a su novia.”Eli stood her ground, unwavering. (I’m not taking sides, Alexia. I’m standing up for what’s right. You’re crossing a line, and I can’t just stand by and watch you hurt your sister and her girlfriend.)

“Por supuesto, estás tomando su parte.,”Alexia spat, her voice low and venomous. “¿Ahora es tu favorita, verdad?” (Of course, you’re taking her side.She’s your favorite now, isn’t she?)

“Eso no es cierto, y lo sabes.” Eli replied softly, her voice heavy with sadness. (That’s not true, and you know it.)

“Siempre has sido fuerte, pero esa fuerza no te da el derecho de controlar a todos a tu alrededor.” (You’ve always been strong, but that strength doesn’t give you the right to control everyone around you.)

As the room fell into a heavy silence, the tension reached its breaking point, each heartbeat echoing the unspoken emotions that hung thick in the air.

Anger, disappointment, and fear collided, leaving a suffocating stillness in their wake, as the rift between the sisters widened, threatening to tear the family apart.

You rose to your feet, your heart racing as you faced Alexia and Alba with unwavering resolve. “Estoy con Ingrid ahora, te guste o no,” you declared, your voice steady despite the storm of emotions swirling inside you. (I’m with Ingrid now, whether you like it or not)

“No los necesito en mi vida. Soy adulta y tengo derecho a vivir mi vida en mis propios términos. Si no pueden aceptar eso, está bien. Pero hasta que lo hagan, no tengo hermanas, solo a mi mamá.” (I don’t need either of you. I’m an adult, and I have the right to live my life the way I want. If you can’t accept that, then so be it. But until you do, I don’t have any sisters—just my mom.)

With that final proclamation, you took a deep breath, feeling the weight of your words as you moved toward the door.

Alba’s voice trembled, a mix of desperation and hurt lacing her words. “No digas eso, por favor, no digas eso. Seguimos siendo hermanas,” she pleaded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. (Don’t say that, please don’t say that. We’re still sisters)

“¡No hasta que ambas decidan apoyarme en mis elecciones!” you replied coldly, your heart aching but your resolve unyielding. “Hasta entonces, no me hablen.” (Not until you both decide to support me in my choices.Until then, don’t talk to me.)

You turned your gaze to Alexia, who stood with a defiant expression. “Y en cuanto a ti,” you said, your voice sharp and unwavering, “Deja de tratar a Ingrid como lo haces. Esta vez, te digo que no tendré miedo de ir a la prensa y revelar qué clase de capitana eres realmente con tus compañeras. Ya tienes mala reputación con ellas… no la empeores..” The intensity of your words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken consequences. (And as for you, Stop treating Ingrid the way you do. This time, I’m telling you I won’t be afraid to go to the press and reveal what kind of captain you really are to your teammates. You already have a bad reputation with them… don’t make it worse.

With that, you stormed out of the apartment, the door slamming shut behind you, leaving your sisters in stunned silence, your heart pounding with the adrenaline of your declaration.

After you stormed out, the air in the room turned electric with tension. Alba stood frozen, tears glistening in her eyes, while Alexia stared blankly at the wall, the weight of guilt and disbelief crushing her.

Eli erupted from her chair, her face flushed with rage. “¡Cómo se atreven ambas! ¡No puedo creer lo que acaba de pasar!” (How dare you both! I can’t believe what just happened!)

Her voice echoed through the room, slicing through the heavy silence. “¡Esto es absolutamente inaceptable! ¡Se supone que son hermanas, no enemigas!” (This is absolutely unacceptable! You’re supposed to be sisters, not enemies!)

Alba’s voice trembled as she tried to explain. “Mamá, solo estábamos—” (Mom, we were just—)

“¡No! ¡No quiero escucharlo!” Eli interrupted, her tone sharp and unforgiving. (No! I don’t want to hear it!)

“¡Ambas han cruzado una línea! ¡Nunca imaginé que tendría que darles una lección sobre lealtad y respeto! ¿Necesito recordarles cómo funciona la familia?” Her voice was a furious roar, resonating with betrayal and disappointment. (You both have crossed a line! I never imagined I would have to lecture my own daughters about loyalty and respect! Do I need to remind you how family works?)

“¡Solo intentaba proteger a Y/N!” Alexia shot back, her frustration bubbling over. (I was just trying to protect Y/N!)

“¡Está cometiendo un gran error al estar con Ingrid!” (She’s making a huge mistake being with Ingrid!)

Eli turned her furious gaze to Alexia, her eyes blazing. “¿Protegerla? ¿No apoyándola? ¿Maltratando a su novia? ¿Esa es tu idea de protegerla? Porque suena más a que estás tratando de controlarla.” (Protecting her? By not supporting her? By mistreating her girlfriend? Is that your idea of protecting her? Because it sounds more like you’re trying to control her!)

“Mamá, es complicado!” Alexia protested, her voice strained. (Mom, it’s complicated!)

“¿Complicado?” Eli echoed incredulously, shaking her head in disbelief. (Complicated?)

“¿Crees que esto es complicado? Lo complicado es cómo puedes quedarte ahí y dejar que tu hermana se sienta no amada y desprotegida. ¡Se supone que deben levantarse mutuamente, no empujarse hacia abajo! ¿Queda claro?” Her voice thundered through the room, the authority in her words leaving no room for argument. (You think this is complicated? What’s complicated is how you could stand there and let your sister feel unloved and unsupported! You’re supposed to lift each other up, not push each other down! Do I make myself clear?)

“¡Sí!” both Alexia and Alba replied, their voices weak and filled with remorse. (Yes!)

Eli’s expression twisted in anger, her disappointment palpable. “¡Deberían estar avergonzadas de ustedes mismas! ¡Las crié para apoyarse mutuamente, para amarse, y así me lo pagan? ¿Desgarrándose la una a la otra?” (You should be ashamed of yourselves! I raised you to stand by each other, to love each other, and this is how you repay me? By tearing each other apart?)

She took a deep breath, trying to rein in her fury but failing miserably. “¡No son las hijas que pensé haber criado!” (You are not the daughters I thought I raised!).

With that, Eli stormed out of the room, leaving Alexia and Alba standing in a heavy silence, their minds swirling with confusion and regret.

How had they allowed everything to reach this breaking point? Alba’s heart was heavy with guilt as she realized that in her desperate attempt to protect you, she had inadvertently driven you away.

All she had wanted was to ensure your well-being, yet her actions had only created a chasm between them.

Alexia, on the other hand, remained entrenched in her belief that she was acting in your best interest.

She still thought that confronting you was necessary to prevent you from making a mistake in your relationship with Ingrid.

Yet, as she reflected on the heated exchange with Eli, a nagging doubt began to gnaw at her. Was she truly protecting you, or was she just trying to impose her own views on you? The weight of uncertainty hung heavily on both sisters as they grappled with the consequences of their choices.

[ginkgooou]

𝑨 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕

Pairing: Alexia Putellas x reader

Words: 5.5k

Warnings: Mentions of throwing up. Panic attacks. I think that’s it.

Summary: Your time at Barça comes to an end.

Notes: I tried to add a little more detail to my writing, so I hope it turned out somewhat decent <3

[prompt list]

A lot of people have told her what it was like to truly be in love. To feel that spark, that infatuation and instant connection that has you feeling weak at the knees. But Alexia hadn't truly known what love was until she'd met you. Like, true, fulfilling, genuine love that was both so exciting and terrifying it felt like falling off a cliff with no idea how high it is or what was at the bottom.

You came into her life unexpectedly, a ray of sunshine; always shining bright and radiating both warmth and happiness wherever you went. You make everyone around you feel good without even trying, a trait most people in this world lacked due to no fault of their own. Wherever she turned, you were there, the smile on your face so genuine it was hard not to smile back.

She doesn’t quite know how to put into words just how much she loves you, but if she has to try, it was like being on the brink of something extraordinary every single waking moment. You make her feel adored and valued on the days where she can't even stand herself. You make her feel cherished, important, like the ground beneath her wouldn't cave in at any second.

It was like a rollercoaster ride all of the time. Some days were both thrilling and exciting, and some days it was both dizzying and terrifying. Sometimes it was so overwhelming she doesn’t quite know what to do with herself. What was was sure of though is she wouldn't want to do any of it by herself. You were her everything, and she was yours, and she wasn't going to let anyone or anything get in the way of that. Including the fact you were moving half way across the country to join Arsenal.

It had been on the first of the month that you'd told her. You had been quiet and withdrawn for the entirety of the day, only responding to her futile attempts at conversation with quiet hums and one word answers.

Alexia hadn't quite known what to do when you'd exited the car with a quiet request for some space. You barely even give her a chance to respond, grabbing your things from the trunk before disappearing into the apartment building. Alexia had waited what she'd thought was a good amount of time before making her way inside too, footsteps hesitant and a deep sense of unease filling her stomach. The apartment door was closed, just as she'd thought it would be, and she does everything possible to swallow back the inevitable tightness in her throat as she unlocks the door and makes her way inside.

As she sets down her things, she realises everything was so unnervingly quiet she could hear the sound of her own breath. It was loud, quick, so clearly full of anticipation she pauses for a second to get herself together. It wasn't like her to be so unsure of herself, not when she was around you. Not in the comfort of her own home where it had taken months for her to fully accept the fact that no matter what mood she was in or how bad her day had gone you'd always welcome her inside with open arms.

Even when you'd had a bad day you were always willing to be around her. Your smile, whilst a little sad, still so genuine it made her thank whoever was above for bringing you into her life. Not only were you always willing to put everybody above yourself, you did so without consideration of your own feelings.

Perhaps that was why the sense of impending dread was unlike nothing she'd ever felt before, because not once in this relationship had you ever pushed her away. Been so quiet and so unwilling to talk.

Accepting your need for space, she walks past the closed bedroom door and makes her way through to the kitchen. She stands in the middle of the room for a few unsure seconds before deciding to make a start on dinner. If you won’t talk to her, the least she could do was feed you. You always love her cooking no matter what she makes, and she hopes the comfort of a home cooked meal would help ease whatever upset you were feeling.

In the bedroom, you were laid on Alexia's side of the bed, your body curled up small and your head buried into her pillow. It was soaked with tears, the material uncomfortably sticking to the skin of your cheek.

You didn’t think the word pain quite gives the way you were feeling justice. Oh no. It quite literally felt like someone had ripped your heart out of your chest before trampling all over it and shoving it back in. You were leaving Barcelona. Leaving Alexia. The word pain couldn't even begin to describe just how absolutely devastated you felt.

The second you had found out they weren't signing you for another season, it was as though everything around you had turned fuzzy, almost like the feeling you get when your leg falls asleep. An emptiness had suddenly filled you and it was so profound it made your chest physically ache. You hadn't heard a single world Jona after the fact. It was as though your world had stopped and in a way, it had. Your life in Barca, with Alexia, was no longer, and you only had your self to blame.

You should have been better. Scored more. Not gotten so many yellow cards. Done something, anything, so they would like you better and want you to stay. And maybe had they told you before the transfer window had closed, you could have at least tried to change their minds. But they hadn't. They'd kept it to themselves until the last possible second and because of that, there was now absolutely nothing you could do to change it.

You were leaving, and you had no idea just how you were going to tell Alexia without tearing your heart completely in two. You could hear her, if you really focused. The sound of ceramic dishes hitting the table and the soft thuds of her feet as she walks. She was cooking dinner, just as she does most nights after you get home from training if you don't opt to order in.

Most nights, you'd been in the kitchen with her. Sometimes sat on the counter and sometimes stood behind her holding her body to your own. You'd steal small morsels of food of whatever she'd decided to make that day and you'd pout playfully when she'd scold you for doing so. You could only imagine just how clueless she feels in there by herself, not knowing what was wrong or how to help. It makes a part of you want to go sit with her, just for the company, but the thought of seeing that beautiful, oblivious face, so unaware of the news you held simply made you want to crawl into a hole and die.

You can’t face her. Not yet. Not ever if given the choice but that simply wasn't an option. Telling her was inevitable, and you just had to accept the fact she might hate you for it despite it being completely out of your control.

You have no idea just how long you end up laying here for before you hear the sound of two gentle knocks against your bedroom door. They were barely audible, and you take that as an almost cruel opportunity to pretend you hadn't heard them. The door opens anyway, the sound of it creaking a deathly loud noise in comparison to the quietness of the room.

"Amor?" Her voice was a quiet, tentative whisper sounding so unsure it has you screwing your eyes so tightly shut in a futile effort to prevent anymore tears from falling. "Amor," the same soft footsteps you'd heard earlier make their way closer to the bed. "I made you dinner."

Silence.

Alexia softly clears her throat. "It is Pasta. Your favourite." She trails off hopefully, and it takes everything in you to remain still. You can’t face her. Not yet. You weren't ready.

Alexia wrings her hands nervously as she takes another small step closer to the bed. "I..." she hesitates, scratching the inside of her wrist. "I do not know what happened. Will you please talk to me?"

More silence, and you'd never hated yourself more.

"I do not know what to do" Her voice audibly trembles making the tightness in your throat physically impossible to swallow back. You could feel your resolve wavering. Just because you couldn't tell her what was wrong right this second didn't mean you can't let her sooth you, right?

"Bebé?"

With a deep, shuddering breath, you use every ounce of strength within you to sit yourself up and face her. She was standing just a few feet away from the bed, toes scrunching and un-scrunching anxiously against the carpet. Her hands were clasped tightly around her shirt, wrinkling the material as she squeezes and twists.

But what breaks your heart the most was the wetness staining her cheeks. She was crying. Crying because of you. Because you were too much of a wimp to simply tell her what was wrong. The guilt you were already feeling amplifies by a thousand, and you were forced look away from her before you well and truly broke.

"Amor?" She whispers unsurely, and you sniffle softly as you wipe your sweaty hands on your pants before taking a deep breath. It was a futile effort at composing yourself, but you simply had nothing else left in you.

"Will you-"

"I don't want to talk about it. Not yet. I can't." you cut her off, and Alexia swallows heavily before nodding her head. The overwhelming sense of dread that had once faded makes an abrupt reappearance at your words, but she tries desperately not to let it show. If she pushed, you'd push back harder, and she'd never figure out what was going on.

"Okay." She accepts in a quiet whisper, unwilling to do anything that might upset you further.

You raise your eyebrows in disbelief. "Okay?"

She nods.

"Okay." You whisper with a quiet breath of relief.

"Will you come eat?" She asks hopefully after a few seconds of silence. "I made your favourite."

The thought of food alone made you feel so incredibly nauseous you were forced to swallow back a different kind of tightness in the back of your throat. It pains you to reject her again, but you just couldn't do it. Not without ending this already horrible day with your head stuck in the toilet.

You shake your head. "Ale, I'm not-”

"Just a few bites?" She pleads quietly, hesitantly. "For me?" She holds out her hand.

You look up at her. You take in her wet cheeks, the unsure body language and the trembling fingers. You'd put her through the wringer tonight without even trying, and it was clear to see she was desperate for some sort of normality. Despite everything in you screaming to say no, you find yourself standing up and taking her hand. You were barely on your feet for two seconds before she envelopes you completely in her arms, her chest flush against your own as your feet hang from the floor.

Your bottom lip wobbles as she buries her head against your neck, your head dropping to rest heavily against her shoulder. It takes you a few moments, but your arms do eventually find themselves wrapping securely around her shoulders. At the feeling of you returning the embrace, she drops an arm from around your waist and hooks it beneath your behind, bouncing you up slightly so your legs cold wrap around her waist.

"I am sorry." She whispers, the words taking a few moments to fully register in your grief ridden mind. The second they do, you lift your head off of her shoulder and reach your trembling hands up to coax her face away from your neck. You were glad to see she wasn't crying again, but you could tell by the shininess in her eyes that it was taking everything in her to hold the tears back.

"No," you shake your head, cupping her cheeks and wiping the pads of your thumbs to rid them of their wetness. Alexia blinks, and you catch the first tear that escapes before it could fall. "No," you repeat. "You don't have to be sorry. You've done absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing at all."

Alexia swallows.

"It's..." the tears you'd been trying to desperately to hold back break free, and you make no effort to wipe them away. "I'm not ready to talk yet, and I'm so, so sorry that means you're being kept in the dark. I just need...a few hours. Just a few hours to process and then we'll talk, okay? I promise."

Alexia looks even more terrified as her grip loosens just slightly. "Are you...are you bre-"

"No." You're aware of how panicked you sound, but you needed the message to get through to her before she could fully mistake her assumptions for the truth. "No. I'm not. Not now. Not ever. I could never...no."

Her grip tightens around you again, and you let out a relieved sounding sob as you fall limp against her. You feel one of her hands lift to rest against the back of your head, and for a second, you allow to yourself to break; for her to comfort you, because after hearing what you had to say, it could be the last time she ever does so.

Alexia doesn't think she's ever felt more useless in her entire life as she holds you close, her throat burning, threatening the onslaught of tears. Something serious was going on. There has to be. She's never seen you this upset before, not even when you'd done your acl just a few months after she'd done hers. You'd been upset then sure, but you'd never shed more than a single tear in the year it had taken to get back on the pitch, and that year had been hell for both of you.

Tightening her grip around you, she turns in place and makes her way through to the kitchen. The two plates of pasta were just as she'd left them, though she suspected they'd long gone cold now. Knowing you wouldn't be able to eat despite saying that you would try and not particularly caring about her own meal, she passes the kitchen table and makes her way over to one of the free spaces left on the countertop.

She purposely ignores the burning in her arms as she eases you down and settles herself between your legs, feeling the way your crossed feet settle against her backside as her arms secure themselves tightly around your back. You were still in her arms, thankfully no longer crying if the lack of tears against her neck was anything to go by. It allows Alexia to relax momentarily for she knows things would sure turn south once you reveal what was making you so upset.

You pull away a few moments later, sniffling softly as Alexia tenderly cups your cheeks to wipe away the wetness staining them. You lean into her touch, eyes fluttering shut when she leans in and presses a lingering kiss to your forehead.

"I love you." She murmurs against the warm skin, and you're forced to once again swallow back your emotions as you take her wrists and press a soft kiss to the inside of them both.

"I love you." The unsteadiness of your voice was obvious, and you're grateful when Alexia makes no attempt at pointing it out. She leans in and kisses you, tasting the saltiness of your tears, and your hands desperately cup her face, not allowing her to pull away. Alexia's hands grasp your sides as she deepens the kiss just slightly, feeling the soft exhale you breath out through your nose against her skin. When you pull away, your eyes were closed, and Alexia takes this as her chance to really take you in.

Your expression gives absolutely nothing away. Nothing at all. Her gaze was still on you when your eyes finally open, brown irises full of an emotion you couldn't quite decipher. You tilt your head to the side, a silent question to which she nods in response to. Seconds later, the look in her eyes changes. Now, they were light, hopeful, willing for you to open up and trust her and god did you so badly want to.

"I am going to make you a smoothie." She breaks the silence, her hands giving your thighs a soothing squeeze as she steps out of your hold and makes her way over to your refrigerator. You watch her retreating figure as you let out a soft sigh. You still didn’t think you could stomach anything, but the thought of a smoothie was admittedly more appetising than cold pasta. You felt a little bad that the meal she’d cooked you had gone to waste, but seeing as though Alexia doesn't mind, you try not to either.

Alexia's eyes skim the contents for a few moments before she pulls out a few different fruits she knew were your favourite. She sets them down onto the counter next to you before heading to the sink and thoroughly washing her hands, allowing the water to run a little hotter than appropriate in a futile effort at feeling something other than complete and utter dread.

It doesn't work, and as she dries her hands, she wonders just how much longer she would be able to last before she inevitably breaks and begs for you to tell her what was going on. When she'd torn her acl, the fear she'd felt about not being able to play the sport she loved more than anything else in this world pained her more than she could even begin to explain. But the fear of losing you was a tenfold to that. Because yes, football was her world, but you were her entire universe so feeling this dread, this uncertainty and uneasiness was so, so much worse.

Softly clearing her throat, she forces a smile into her face and makes her way back over to you. You were in the exact same position, though now you were staring at her with pity. It makes her bristle just slightly, but she forces herself not to react as she grabs the blender out of the cupboard and plugs it into the wall.

The process of making both smoothies was done in silence. Alexia doesn't say a word, and neither do you. Soon, Alexia was back between your legs, a small glass in her hand that held the contents of your smoothie. You don't let yourself hesitate as you gently take it from her, bringing it to your lips for cautious sip. When it doesn't seem as though your stomach would reject it, you allow yourself a proper mouthful, a hum of content falling from your lips as you swallow.

"Good?" Alexia murmurs as her hands retake their place on each of your thighs, squeezing the flesh softly before her palms begin tracing gentle circles against the soft skin. You nod your head, holding the glass up to her lips despite the fact she had her own smoothie just next to you. The blonde smiles as she allows you to feed her, swallowing with a hum of content similar to your own.

You take turns in sipping both the smoothies until they were gone, Alexia setting the glasses into the sink to be washed later before scooping you back up into her arms. You welcome the closeness by allowing her to carry you through to the living room without complaint, her larger frame beneath your own as she settles comfortably on the couch. She says nothing as she slips her hands beneath your shirt to rest on the small of your back, the tips of her pinkies tracing over the dimples at the bottom of your spine, but you can tell by the look in her eyes alone that there was so much she wants to say.

It had barely even been an hour since she'd brought you out of your room, and whilst you still weren't ready to talk, you knew leaving her in the dark for any longer would be unnecessarily cruel. Unsure on whether or not she'd even want you near her when you found the courage to reveal the news, you slip off of her lap and perch on the edge of the coffee table instead, making a futile effort at avoiding eye contact as you wipe your suddenly sweaty hands off on your shorts.

You hear Alexia shift forward slightly until her knees brush against your own, her hands reaching forward to rest on either of your thighs. Your own hands circle her wrists, feeling the steady, consistent pounding of her pulse beneath the tips of your fingers. She doesn't force you to talk. She simply sits and waits, her presence alone a major comfort in a moment so anxiety inducing you felt as though you were only seconds away from throwing up.

A single drop of grief wells up in the corner of your eye as you swallow heavily, the small droplet of salty water streaming down your cheek leaving a tickling sensation in its wake. The blonde opposite you remains silent, but her hands slip down to the skin behind your knees, tugging them a little firmer against her own. Knowing it was now or never, you force yourself to make eye contact.

"I'm leaving Barça." Your voice was emotionless.

Alexia blinks as her hands freeze mid stroke against your thighs. "Qué?”

You swallow. "They didn't resign me for another season. I'm moving to Arsenal." The words felt like vomit on your tongue.

Alexia could do no more than stare as she feels the room begin to tilt around her, every sound becoming no more than a muffled echo. Her heart feels as though it had gotten stuck, each beat a sharp jab against her chest. Her mouth parts, but no words seem to be able to escape. She simply sits. Frozen. Like her entire body had forgotten how to move.

Your hands tighten around her wrists as the world around you blurs with the onslaught of tears. "I'm sorry," you choke out. "They only told me today and I...I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you." Panic gnaws at the edges of your mind when Alexia remains silent. "Say something. Please." The desperation in your voice was evident.

Alexia shakes her head as if trying to shake off the reality that was suddenly crashing down around her, her hands lifting off of your thighs and visibly trembling. She clenches them into tight fists, a futile effort for control as her gaze darts unsteadily around the room.

"I..." she has no idea what to say.

“Alexia?” You plead.

Nothing.

You feel an overwhelming urge to flee beginning to fester in the back of your mind as your hands tightly clutch the material of your sweater. Alexia's knees were still pinned on either side of your own, halting your inevitable escape. You were trapped by her, both physically and emotionally, and the longer she remains silent, the more your panic begins to build.

Your leg begins to bounce on its own accord; your heart races and it feels as though you weren't getting enough air into your lungs. A spiral of panicked thoughts keep repeating themselves, becoming more and more insistent as the minutes pass. Alexia hates you. Alexia was going to leave you. Oh god. Nausea swirls in your gut. You can't breath. Are you dying? You're dying. You have to be dying. Why can't you breath? Panicked eyes search the room for an exit. The front door. The back door. Which was closer? You didn't know. But you had to get out. You had to go.

A gentle, unsteady hand cupping your cheek startles you, and your head whips round so quickly you almost give yourself whiplash. Alexia was staring at you, eyes wide in alarm. Her lips were moving. But you couldn't hear her voice. Couldn't make out what she was saying. Why couldn't you hear what she was saying?

You feel your body move, steady hands beneath your armpits. They support the entirety of your weight as you were lifted slightly into the air. Strong, familiar thighs were soon beneath your own, your heaving chest pressed flush against Alexia's. She wraps her arms so tightly around your midsection you have no choice but to mimic her breaths. They were steady, consistent. You choke out a pathetic sounding sob as your heart continues to pound, your body unintentionally fighting her own.

But her grasp was tight. So tight you could feel nothing but her. She begins to rock. Back and forth. Back and forth. The motion was steady. Repetitive. You feel your chest loosen. Just slightly. Enough for you to breath. To get some much needed air into your lungs. The white noise in your ears begins to fade. You could hear again. Alexia was talking. In Spanish. You couldn't really understand what she was saying. But her tone was soft. Soothing. Warm. The pounding in your heart slows, and you can breath again.

You no longer felt like you were dying. Everything was quiet. Calm.

Alexia's body stills as your desperate grasp around her shirt loosens, your head falling heavily against her shoulder. Her lips press against your neck, dotting gentle kisses over the soft expanse of warm skin. You shudder a little at the sensation as you hunch your shoulders up to your ears, hearing Alexia huff out a quiet sound of amusement as she halts her affectionate attack. You feel her hands rest on each of your hips, squeezing softly before easing you away from her. When your eyes meet her own, you could clearly tell she'd been crying.

And Alexia had been.

It had taken a little while to gather her thoughts -and to get over the curveball that had been thrown her way- but eventually, Alexia had come to the quite obvious realisation that just because you wouldn’t be in the same country anymore didn’t mean your relationship was over. Long distance sucks, but it was possible, and there were many cases where it had been quite successful. Take Ona’s girlfriend, Lucy, for example. Lucy had left Barça nearly four months ago, and both she and Ona were closer than ever. Yes, being apart would be difficult. She was fully aware of that fact. But doesn’t the saying go, distance makes the heart grow fonder?

"That was a bad one, huh?" She murmurs as she presses her forehead against her own, and you could do no more than nod. Panic attacks weren't uncommon for you, but rarely does it get to the point where Alexia has to intervene anymore thanks to years of therapy. You'd learnt to anticipate the usual warning signs allowing you to talk yourself out of one before it could even begin, but that evidently hadn't been the case today for obvious reasons.

"Was it because of me?" Her hands cup your cheeks, thumbs wiping away the wetness beneath your eyes. Her touch was so gentle you could barely feel it.

You shrug noncommittally as you harshly wipe off your cheeks. "Not really."

"Not really?" She raises an eyebrow, and you sigh lightly as you tuck a damp strand of hair behind your ear.

"I just..." you trail off. "I guess I just panicked. You wouldn't answer me and my mind just jumped to the worst case scenario." You admit, hating the fact you were once again so close to tears.

Alexia's eyebrows furrow in confusion as she loops her arms around your waist. "What do you mean?"

"I told you...I told you I was leaving, and you didn't say anything. My mind jumped to the conclusion that that was because you hated me and never wanted to see me again." Voicing your thoughts out loud made them sound stupid, and you worry now that maybe you'd majorly overreacted.

Alexia doesn't seem to have the same concern.

"Amor, you really think that little of me?" She sounds more hurt than she does mad, and the guilt hits you like a punch in the stomach. You immediately shake your head as you attempt to amend the situation.

"Of course not," you insist. "But I panicked. As I said, worst case scenario.”

Alexia releases her hold on you for a short second as she rubs her hands over her face.

You can't help but frown. "Ale, I'm so-"

Alexia cuts you off cupping your cheeks and kissing you fiercely. It quite literally takes your breath away, and you have absolutely no time to reciprocate before she was pulling away.

"I love you," your mouth parts to say it back, but Alexia shakes her head, resting her pointer finger against your lips. You gently kiss the digit, lips quirking up into a small smile when Alexia plainly pokes your nose.  "I love you, and whilst I am so incredibly sad you are going to be leaving, it is not forever. I will visit you, you will visit me.”

"But it won't be the same." Your voice was a broken whisper.

Alexia clears her throat softly as her eyes grow shiny with tears. "I know," she murmurs, taking both your hands in her own and squeezing softly. "But we will get through this, sí? You are strong, and I am strong. We will be strong together until we are no longer apart."

"Strong together." you mimic, and Alexia nods with a sad smile on her face. You attempt to mimic that too, but you find it difficult to do thanks to the way your bottom lip was trembling. The first tear falls before you could stop it, and Alexia blows out a shaky breath as she pulls you back into her arms.

Yeah, this was going to suck.

*

So yeah. Alexia loves you so terrifyingly much that she was willing to risk your relationship by being approximately nine hundred and twenty nine miles apart. You had faith you would be just fine, but a small part of you, way way deep down was sure it would end up crashing and burning right in front of your eyes. Long distance relationships were hard, and yes, you loved each other, but would that really be enough in the long run? Would love really be enough to survive who knows how many years apart with only the occasional visit until your contract at Arsenal ended?

You'd voiced your worries to Alexia who had been quick to assure you that whilst your fears were valid, they were wrong. That it was just your brain, again, jumping to the worst case scenario because you were anxious about leaving. She'd assured you that love was most definitely enough, so long as you communicated with one another which was something you were both thankfully pretty damned good at.

From that moment forward, you make the most of what time you have left together. You go on dates that last all day, visiting all the places in Barcelona you’d fallen in love with. You spend hours in bed, skin against skin as your favourite movie plays in the background. You even make the drive over to Alexia’s childhood home and spend the day with her family as one final farewell.

Your team was told about your transfer just two weeks before you leave, tearful hugs being shared with the ones you were most close to. Mapi had all but clung to you throughout the entirety of your last training session, Ingrid having to coax her into letting go when it was time to head back home.

You play your last game a few days later, playing the entire ninety minutes and scoring three goals with the assistance of Aitana. When the whistle had blown, your entire team had surrounded you, murmuring their praises and pulling you into hugs so tight you struggled to catch your breath. You tightly clutch the crest on your chest as your eyes skim around the arena, meeting the tearful yet smiling faces of the fans who were cheering so loudly for you it was the only sound you could hear.

This was it. Your time at Barça was over, and what a ride it had been.

**

Tags:

@codiemarin @goldenempyrean @girlgenius1111 @ceesimz @liloandstitchstan @xxnaiaxx @marysfics @alexias-putellas

[ginkgooou]

uni started again, so i'll probably have less time to write, but i'll still try to post once a week. it may take longer sometimes.

the next fic will either be the requested stina fic or one of the alexia fics i'm working on.

[ginkgooou]

Too much to say

Emily Fox x reader

Words count: 2,6k

Warning: angst

Based on this request

The day began like any other, filled with the familiar rhythm of early morning training, laughter with your teammates, and the routine excitement of playing for Arsenal.

The air buzzed with energy as you warmed up, your heart racing with anticipation for what lay ahead.

Everything felt perfectly normal until Emily’s comment cut through the camaraderie during a break.

You were animatedly sharing a story with a few teammates, reliving the hilarity of a recent team bonding event.

Emily stood beside you, her laughter mingling with the others, and for a moment, everything felt just right.

But just as you were about to dive into another entertaining anecdote, Kyra interrupted you playfully.

“No, it’s my turn! You’ve already told three stories—give someone else a chance!” She gave you a light tap on the back of your head, and the group laughed, your chuckles joining theirs.

But before you could respond, Emily chimed in, her voice teasing but sharp enough to sting.

“Y/N just never stops talking,” she joked, loud enough for everyone to hear. “She even talks in her sleep! Sometimes I feel like I need to wear earplugs just to get some peace.”

The laughter that erupted around you felt like a punch to the gut. It was meant to be playful, but it cut deep.

You laughed along, but it felt strained, your heart sinking as Emily’s words echoed in your mind.

“I guess I do talk a lot,” you mumbled, forcing a light-hearted tone, but the comment lingered in the air, heavy and suffocating.

You had always been self-conscious about your talkative nature. Sharing stories and connecting through conversation was something you cherished.

But to hear Emily frame it as an annoyance—especially in front of the others—felt like a betrayal. It left you questioning yourself in a way you hadn’t anticipated.

——

The rest of the training session felt like a blur, each drill dragging on painfully. You tried to brush off the hurt, but it clung to you, a shadow lurking just out of reach.

Your usual exuberance faded, and you fell into an uncharacteristic silence.

You barely spoke during drills, nodding along when needed but otherwise remaining withdrawn.

Normally, you would be the one energizing your teammates, cracking jokes, or offering encouraging shouts.

Now, however, you found yourself fading into the background, your mind preoccupied with Emily’s hurtful words.

Emily sensed the shift immediately. During water breaks, she made several attempts to engage you, her tone light and playful, but you could only manage short, clipped responses.

“Everything okay?” she asked during one break, her voice tinged with concern, her brows furrowing as she watched you.

“Yeah, fine,” you replied quickly, avoiding her gaze, focusing instead on the ground. “Just tired.”

The concern in her voice didn’t go unnoticed, but you were too wrapped up in your own feelings to respond.

You could feel her eyes on you, the weight of her gaze, and it only intensified the knot in your stomach.

“Hey” she said softly, stepping closer. “You can talk to me.”

But you kept your responses brief, offering only the bare minimum, trying to maintain a façade of normalcy.

By the end of training, the silence between you was palpable.

Usually, you and Emily would walk off the field together, sharing jokes and making plans for the evening.

This time, you stayed a few steps behind her, the distance between you feeling like a chasm.

“Y/N?” Emily called over her shoulder, a note of hesitation in her voice. “Are you sure everything’s alright? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you replied, forcing a smile that felt hollow. The words tasted bitter in your mouth as you felt her worry wrap around you like a tight embrace.

As you walked off the field, the knot in your chest tightened. You knew she was trying to reach out, trying to be affectionate, but the weight of her earlier comment loomed large, casting a shadow over your thoughts.

Emily suspected that your behavior was tied to the careless comment she had made earlier, and she couldn’t help but mentally scold herself for being so thoughtless.

The realization weighed heavily on her; how could she have been so insensitive? She replayed the moment in her mind, cringing at her own words and how they might have affected you.

——

When you got back to your apartment, you headed straight to the bedroom, wanting to escape the world and the chaos of your emotions.

Emily had offered to make dinner, her voice light and hopeful, but you barely acknowledged her presence.

“Do you want pasta or something else tonight?” she called from the kitchen, trying to draw you back into the conversation, her tone hopeful.

“Whatever you want,” you mumbled, not even glancing her way as you slipped into the bedroom, the door clicking shut behind you.

Once inside, you sat down on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the wall as if it might offer some clarity.

The weight of Emily’s earlier comment settled over you like a suffocating blanket, heavy and oppressive.

You felt like a burden, as if your love for sharing stories had become a source of annoyance instead of joy.

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you replayed the moment over and over in your mind, wondering if you were overreacting.

Maybe it was just a joke—something meant to be light-hearted. But the way it made you feel—small, burdensome, and unlovable—clung to you.

You buried your face in your hands, feeling the tears spill over and trickle down your cheeks.

You tried to stifle your sobs, not wanting Emily to hear, but the sadness overwhelmed you, and you curled up on the bed, the ache in your chest growing more profound.

You cried yourself to sleep, your heart heavy with the weight of unspoken words and the realization that the bond you cherished felt fragile in that moment.

——

Emily, meanwhile, had finished preparing dinner. She noticed your absence, but figured you needed some space after the long day.

However, as the minutes ticked by, she started to worry. You hadn’t said a word almost the whole day, and it wasn’t like you to be this quiet—especially with her.

She cleaned up the kitchen quickly before making her way to the bedroom.

When she walked in, the sight of you lying curled up on the bed, facing away from her, stopped her in her tracks.

As she drew closer, she saw your cheeks were stained with tears, a deep flush coloring your face.

She sat down beside you, gently placing her hand on your cheek and softly caressing it as she whispered, “My baby.”

In that moment, she realized how deeply her comment had hurt you, and she mentally chastised herself for it.

What had started as a joke had gone horribly wrong, and now her heart ached at the sight of your distress.

Leaning down, she pressed soft kisses on your cheeks, careful not to wake you. Then she took the blanket that was folded at the end of the bed and draped it over you, hoping to provide some comfort.

After that, she quietly exited the room, determined to find a way to apologize to you.

——

You woke up a while later, your head pounding and your eyes swollen from crying. Sitting up, you rubbed your eyes, trying to shake off the remnants of the emotional turmoil you had just experienced.

As the world came into focus, you noticed the quiet of the house. Feeling a gnawing hunger, you made your way to the bathroom, splashing cold water on your face in hopes of rejuvenating yourself.

After freshening up, you ventured to the kitchen, where the aroma of something delicious wafted through the air. To your surprise, Emily had transformed the space into a cozy haven.

Soft candlelight flickered, illuminating the roses delicately arranged on the table, alongside an enticing spread of food.

As you entered, Emily turned around, her eyes lighting up upon seeing you. A soft yet hesitant smile spread across her face.

“Hi, baby,” she said, her voice warm but nervous as she stepped closer. You instinctively took a small step back, the remnants of your hurt still lingering.

Emily’s smile faltered, and you could see the hurt in her eyes. “Um… do you want to sit down?” she asked, gesturing toward the beautifully set table.

“What’s all this?” you asked, motioning to the romantic setup, your curiosity piqued despite the tension.

“It’s for you…please… I just want to talk,” she said, her voice earnest. She extended her hand, and after a brief hesitation, you took it, letting her lead you to the table.

She pulled out a chair for you, her touch gentle, and you sat down, avoiding her gaze.

The silence hung heavy as you both began to eat, the food almost untouched on your plate. After a long minute, Emily finally broke the silence.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. You looked up, but your shoulders shrugged in response, the weight of your emotions still pressing down on you.

“You know, if you’re tired of me talking, you could have just said so instead of making a joke about it in front of everyone. I know I talk a lot—I would’ve understood,” you replied, your tone laced with hurt.

Emily looked pained, her eyes reflecting regret. “No,” she said firmly, “Can you please look at me?” You hesitated but finally met her gaze.

“I’m not tired of you talking. I didn’t mean it the way it came out, but I can see it hurt you.” Her voice was sincere, and you could hear the remorse in her words.

“You didn’t deserve that, and I know it… just hear me out,” she continued softly, leaning forward slightly as if to bridge the distance between you.

"I love the way you express yourself, how you always have something to say. It’s one of the things that drew me to you in the first place. I know I made it sound like it bothers me, but that’s not true. I was just trying to be funny, but it was thoughtless, and I didn’t consider how it would make you feel.”

Her words began to chip away at the wall you had built around your heart, but you remained silent, focused on your plate.

“I don’t want you to think I find you annoying or anything like that,” Emily continued, her eyes searching yours. “You’re so passionate about everything, and I love hearing what’s on your mind.The sound of your voice—it's music to me. Even on my worst days, just hearing you talk soothes me. I’m so sorry I made you feel like there’s something wrong with you.”

Finally glancing at her, you saw the guilt etched on her face, and your heart ached for her sincerity.

“It’s just… I don’t know,” you mumbled, your voice trembling slightly. “Sometimes it feels like I’m too much, you know? Like I take up too much space. Hearing you joke about it in front of everyone… it just made me feel like maybe you think that too.” As the tears threatened to spill over again, you felt vulnerable, exposed.

Emily’s expression softened even more as she reached out, gently taking your hand in hers. “Come here,” she said, pulling her chair out and tapping her lap invitingly.

You hesitated for a moment, but when she repeated, “Come here, baby,” her voice filled with warmth, you couldn’t resist.

You climbed onto her lap, feeling the warmth of her body against yours. She cupped your cheeks, her blue eyes boring into yours with an intensity that made your heart race.

“Listen to me very carefully,” she said, her tone serious yet loving. “I don’t think that at all, Y/N. Not even a little bit. I love you exactly the way you are. I’m truly sorry I made you feel like you’re too much because you’re not. You are everything to me, my whole world. You’re not taking up too much space—if anything, I want you to fill my space because I want you here with me, all day, every day. Do you understand that?” She rubbed your cheeks with her thumbs, and you nodded, sniffling as emotions washed over you.

“Good,” she replied, a small smile breaking through her seriousness. She leaned in closer, her lips almost brushing against yours.

“Can I kiss you?” she asked, her eyes searching for your consent. You nodded, feeling a rush of warmth spread through you.

The kiss was slow and tender, each movement filled with an intensity that spoke volumes. She poured everything she felt into that kiss, ensuring you could feel her love in every touch.

After lingering for a moment, she pulled away slightly, her forehead resting against yours as she breathed softly.

“I shouldn’t have said what I did. It was a bad joke, and I’m sorry I hurt you,” she murmured, her voice heavy with regret.

You nodded, wiping away the last of your tears. “Thanks,” you whispered, your heart swelling with appreciation for her honesty. “I really do appreciate it.”

Emily smiled softly, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “You deserve to feel loved and valued for who you are, and I promise to make sure you always do.”

Her sincerity wrapped around you like a warm blanket, and for the first time in a while, you felt the heaviness in your heart begin to lift.

“I have something to ask you,” you began, glancing at Emily as she nodded, her hand slipping onto your hips and caressing it softly. “Yes?”

“Is it really true that I talk in my sleep? You’ve never mentioned that!” you teased, a playful grin spreading across your face as laughter bubbled up inside you, infectious and warm.

“Oh, absolutely! You’re a total sleep chatterbox!” Emily shot back, her laughter echoing through the room like a delightful melody. “It’s like you’re hosting your own late-night talk show—minus the audience!”

You couldn’t help but giggle at the thought, “Well, now I’m dying to know! What do I even say? Am I any good?”

Leaning in closer, Emily feigned a serious expression, raising an eyebrow dramatically. “Well, I’m pretty sure I heard you arguing with yourself about pineapples on pizza one time”

You burst out laughing, shaking your head in mock embarrassment. “Great, just great.”

“I want to ask you something, too,” Emily said, her eyes sparkling with curiosity as you nodded for her to continue.

“Can you please share that story you were about to tell before that pest Kyra interrupted?” she prompted, mischief dancing in her gaze, causing you to chuckle softly at the memory of Kyra’s interruption.

You settled back into your chair, a grin spreading across your face as you prepared to recount the tale.

With animated gestures and playful expressions, you started to narrate, weaving in every detail you could remember.

Emily leaned in closer, her elbows resting on the table, completely captivated.

As you spoke, her smile widened, the joy in her eyes sparkling like the stars above.

The way she hung on your every word, nodding and laughing at just the right moments, made you feel like the most interesting person in the world.

In that cozy moment, it felt like it was just the two of you, wrapped in your own little bubble. God, Emily thought, she could never get tired of these shared stories and laughter—the way you made the ordinary feel extraordinary.

The warmth between you was palpable, filling the space with a sense of intimacy that deepened the cherished connection you both held so dear.

FIN

[ginkgooou]

somewhere only we know | alexia putellas

summary: after years apart, you return to barcelona and unexpectedly reunite with alexia, your childhood best friend. a lot of unresolved feelings come to the surface.

warnings: slight angst, but happy ending (kind of)

i listened to the song when this idea popped into my head. so, it's loosely based on that. i hope you enjoy! :)

english is not my first language!

2,998 words

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

you hadn't been back to barcelona in years.

walking through the familiar streets felt surreal, like stepping into a memory that was both vivid and distant. the neighborhoods, the cafés and the smell of the sea carried traces of the past - of your childhood, of the life you'd once lived here. yet, one place stood out more than anything else in your mind: the old tree on the hill, overlooking the city - the secret spot only you and alexia knew about.

alexia.

the thought of seeing her again after all these years made your heart race. you had been childhood friends, inseparable from the moment you met on the first day of school.

alexia was the one who could always make you laugh when you were feeling down, the one who truly understood you in ways no one else did, she was your best friend and maybe something more, though you hadn’t fully realized it at the time.

despite your different personalities, your connection was undeniable. she was a force to be reckoned with, exuding strength and confidence that drew people to her like a magnet. you, on the other hand, were quiet - reserved, incredibly shy, preferring books over people.

but alexia liked that about you.

whenever life got too hectic or overwhelming for her, she found refuge in your calm presence, coming over to your house and spending time with you. as you got older, she began dragging you along on little adventures - just the two of you, away from the noise and chaos.

when she needed the quiet, alexia usually took you hiking. she loved pulling you away from the bustling city and into the peace of nature, where the two of you could just breathe. you’d follow her lead, letting her guide you through the winding paths, her steps always sure and steady. sometimes you’d talk - about school, your dreams, football, or whatever was on your mind. other times, you’d walk in comfortable silence. you didn't need words all the time; it was often enough just to know that the other was there.

it was during one of those hikes, when you were around 15, that you stumbled upon your secret spot.

it was a warm afternoon, the sun filtering through the trees as you and alexia made your way up the familiar hill near barcelona. you walked in silence for most of the way, only exchanging a few words now and then. halfway up, alexia spotted a hidden, narrow path veering off to the side. she turned to you, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “come on, let’s see where this goes.”

for a moment, you hesitated, but never one to deny alexia anything, you quickly found yourself following her lead, stepping off the beaten path and into the woods.

as you ventured deeper, the trees around you grew thicker and the air became cooler. after a few minutes of weaving through the bushes and ducking under low-hanging branches, you finally broke through the underbrush and stepped out into a small clearing. there, standing tall at the edge of the forest, was an old tree, its thick branches stretching out and casting shadows on the grass. you could see the city below you, bathed in the golden glow of the afternoon sun.

“this is amazing.”, you murmured, coming to a stop next to the tree and taking in the view.

alexia grinned beside you, equally in awe. “it’s perfect.”, she said softly.

you spent hours there, talking and laughing, the world around you fading away. it became your sanctuary. a secret place to escape the noise, to escape reality and simply be yourselves.

when everything became too much, you and Alexia would find your way back to that old tree, finding peace in each other’s presence.

but it was also at that spot, that tree, where everything changed.

it was only a year later that you found out your father had gotten a job in new york, and you would be moving away in just a couple of weeks. you didn’t know how to break the news to alexia, unsure of how she’d react, so you carried the secret around for a while.

but, when you found yourself sitting beneath the tree once again and with the departure date approaching, you knew it was time to tell her.

you glanced at alexia beside you, her eyes closed, leaning against the tree with her hand resting comfortably on your knee. the moment felt so peaceful, too perfect to disrupt it with what you were about to tell her. you felt your nerves rising, your heart pounding in your chest.

finally, taking a deep breath, you broke the silence. “i need to tell you something.”, you said quietly.

alexia’s eyes fluttered open at the sound of your voice, turning her head toward you with furrowed brows, her eyes full of concern. “what’s wrong?”, she asked, giving your knee a gentle squeeze.

you couldn’t meet her eyes, knowing you'd break if you looked at her. instead, you stared on the ground, searching for the right words. “it’s about my family.”, you finally managed to say. “we’re moving. to new york.”

the silence that followed felt like an eternity, stretching between you, as she processed your words. “what?” her voice was full of disbelief. she let go of you and stood up, pacing around. “what do you mean you’re moving?”

you still didn’t look at her, fidgeting with your fingers, trying to find the courage to speak. “my dad got a job in new york. we have to go.”, you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

alexia came to a stop in front of you. when you finally looked up, you watched her face turn from shock to confusion, then to hurt. “when?”, she asked, her voice trembling.

“in two weeks…”, you told her, struggling to hold back tears as you saw the heartbreak on her face, a look you never wanted to see.

“b-but…i don’t want you to go.”, she murmured, her voice quivering as she fought to hold back tears of her own. in that moment, she looked so small and vulnerable, so unlike her.

without thinking, you stood up and pulled her into your arms, hugging her tightly. and then, the dam broke. you both let your tears flow freely, soaking each other’s shirts, the reality coming crashing down around you. her body shook with quiet sobs, her arms wrapped around you, keeping you close.

you stayed in each other’s arms for a while. when alexia eventually pulled back, her eyes were red from crying. she took a few deep breaths, trying to steady herself before speaking.

“promise me we’ll stay in touch.”, she said.

“of course.”, you replied without hesitation. “we’ll make it work. we’ll call and text every day.”

“we’ll make it work.” her gaze softened as she repeated your words quietly, as if to reassure herself.

a comfortable silence then settled between you, stood in each other's arms, processing everything.

as you held each other’s gaze, an invisible thread seemed to pull you closer. the air crackled with unspoken tension, and you felt drawn to her. unable to resist the magnetic force between you, you started to lean in.

alexia searched your eyes for a second and then, with a tenderness that made your breath hitch, she dipped her head, pressing her lips against yours.

the kiss was electric, igniting a fire deep within you. it was soft and tentative, it made your heart flutter in your chest. you could taste the saltiness of her tears mixed with the sweet hint of cherry from her lip balm.

in that moment, the world around you faded into nothingness; all your worries slipped away, leaving just the two of you on that hill. nothing else mattered but this moment, this kiss.

the kiss lingered, sending waves of warmth through you, but then, suddenly, reality hit.

what am i doing? the thought crept into your mind, breaking through the haze of the moment. your heart raced, but now for a different reason.

panic set in. you became hyper-aware of everything - alexia’s hands resting on your waist, the soft press of her lips. it felt like the world had shifted in an instant, and you weren’t ready for it. you weren’t ready for the storm of emotions building in your body, - confusion, fear, uncertainty, love - flooding in all at once.

you weren’t ready for what this meant. for you. for your friendship. you had never really thought about it before, if the things you felt for alexia were normal between friends, or if they ran deeper. it was all too much, too overwhelming.

the closeness, the intensity, it terrified you.

you pulled back suddenly, your breath catching as you put space between you. alexia’s brows furrowed, concern flickering in her eyes as she stepped toward you. “hey…what's wrong?”, she asked, her voice soft, but laced with confusion.

“i…”, you wanted to explain, but the words were stuck in your throat. the emotions were crashing down too hard, too fast. your heart pounded, a desperate need to escape overwhelmed everything else.

“i need to go.”, you blurted out. you didn’t wait for her to respond - couldn’t bear to see the hurt on her face. without thinking, you turned and ran. you fled from the moment, from her, from your feelings, from everything.

what did i just do? the question echoed in your mind, but no answer came. you had kissed alexia. you had felt something, something real and terrifying. you didn't know what to do.

the weight of it all pressed down on you, suffocating you. what did this mean for you? for alexia? for everything between you?

you had no answers. the kiss had changed everything, and now, you didn't know if you could ever go back to the way things were.

so, you avoided her.

alexia tried to reach out, her concern clear in her eyes whenever you crossed paths, but you kept your distance. you couldn't face her - not while your feelings were still a tangled mess, raw and confusing. she wanted to talk, texted you more than once, but you always found an excuse. you knew she deserved an explanation, but you weren't ready to give one, not when you didn't know what you were feeling.

time flew by and soon, you were gone. you started a new chapter in new york, far away from the memories you left behind. but guilt filled you whenever you thought about the promise you made to her: to call and text every day.

you didn’t keep your promise.

at first, you texted here and there - small talk, meaningless things. how the weather was, a funny video, updates on life that seemed trivial compared to everything left unsaid. slowly, the texts became less frequent, until eventually, they stopped altogether.

though you didn't completely let go of alexia. you still followed her from afar, watching her rise to fame - alexia, the footballer, thriving at barça and becoming a star. you cheered for her success, even though she would never know.

over the years, you often found yourself thinking about her and that moment by the tree, and every time, you wished you hadn't run away that day.

☆

now, here you were, at your secret spot, a place you held so dear to your heart. it felt strange being back after all these years, but somehow, you were drawn to it - to the place where everything went wrong.

as you stood there, the memories hit you like a wave, flooding your mind with images of her smile, her laugh, the times spent together. you remembered talking about anything and everything here. this was your place, the spot where you shared moments you'd never forget.

you sighed and closed your eyes, leaning against the tree and letting the memories wash over you. the weight of regret pressed heavily on your shoulders, this place reopening old wounds you thought had healed. you wondered what alexia was doing now, if she still came here sometimes, or if it hurt too much to even think about.

a soft crack interrupted your thoughts - a twig snapping in the distance. you turned toward the sound, looking back toward the woods. at first, you thought it was your imagination, but then, you saw her.

alexia.

you froze, your heart skipping a beat at the sight of her. she stood a few meters away, her eyes fixed on you, wide with surprise. for a moment, neither of you moved. time seemed to slow down, the world shrinking to just the two of you in this familiar place.

you opened your mouth to say something, but no words came out. you hadn't expected to see her here, not after all this time.

she took a step forward, her expression shifting, softening into an unsure smile. “you're back.”, she said.

you swallowed hard, trying to steady yourself. “yeah, i am.”, you managed to say, your voice shaking.

there was so much you wanted to say, so much you had left unsaid. you wanted to apologize, to explain why you ran, but no words left your mouth.

alexia took another step forward, coming to a halt in front of you.

“i didn't think i'd see you again after…after everything”, she said softly, her voice carrying the hurt she still felt.

your heart pounded in your chest. “i didn't think i'd come back.”, you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “but, i did.” you paused to look at her, taking her in - she looked different, more mature, but she was still the same alexia you once knew. you continued to talk. “i've been watching you. i've been keeping up with everything.”

at that, alexia raised an eyebrow, a flicker of curiosity in her eyes. “watching me?”, she repeated.

you nodded, taking a deep breath before continuing. “your career…barcelona, the trophies…everything. i'm proud of you, ale. you achieved everything you've ever wanted.”

alexia offered a brief smile, but you could see the sadness in her eyes. “i come here sometimes, you know? this place always reminds me of you.” her gaze wondered to the city below you as she continued. “why didn't you reach out? why didn't you…come back?”

the question hung in the air between you, and your throat tightened. this was the moment where you could finally tell her everything. but now, standing in front of her, it felt impossible to explain.

“i was scared.”, you finally said, your voice trembling. “i didn't know what to do. after…after that day, everything felt so overwhelming. i didn't understand what i was feeling, or how to face it, so i ran. and i didn't come back because…i didn't know how to make things right.”

alexia looked at you, her expression softening, her eyes reflecting a mix of understanding and hurt. “i waited.”, she said quietly. “i thought…maybe you just needed time. but i waited and waited and eventually, i just stopped expecting you to reach out.”

her words hit you like a punch in the gut. you opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. what could you possibly say to fix this? the regret in your heart felt unbearable.

alexia let out a soft, almost bitter laugh. “i loved you, you know? i think from the moment we met. i loved you in ways i couldn't even understand at the time. and i thought…”, she paused, her voice catching as if she were trying to hold herself together. “i thought you loved me too. the way you looked at me that day…i was so sure, but then…”

there was no need to finish the sentence, you both knew what came next. you swallowed hard, your voice trembling as you finally found the strength to speak. “i did love you, ale. i think i still do. i just…i was so scared. scared of losing you, scared of what it all meant. i was scared and i ran and i regret it to this day.”

alexia's eyes glistened with unshed tears. “do you know how much it hurt?”, she asked, her voice thick with emotion. “that kiss - i thought it meant something…and then you just left me and it hurt so much. i thought i did something wrong. i knew i lost you that day, the person i trusted most in the world.”

her words broke something inside you, and tears stung your eyes. “i'm sorry.”, you whispered, your heart aching. “it did mean something. it meant everything. that's why i panicked. i was afraid of ruining what we had, of losing you if things didn't work out.”

a sad smile tugged at alexia's lips. “but you did lose me. you left me behind.” your heart twisted at her words, the full weight of what you had done settling in your chest. “i know.”, you whispered. “i can't undo the past, but i'm here now. and if you'll let me, i want to make it right.”

her eyes softened and for a moment, the air felt charged with the unspoken feelings you had buried for so long. finally, after all these years, the truth that had kept you apart was laid bare.

for a long moment, alexia was silent, her eyes locked on yours as if searching for something, some sign of the person she had once known. then, finally, she spoke, her voice soft but firm. “i don't know if we can go back to what we had…but maybe we can start over.”

you felt a wave of relief wash over you, a relieved smile tugging at your lips. “i'd like that.”, you said, eyes sparkling with hope. “more than anything.”

alexia smiled too, a small, tentative smile, and slowly, she reached out her hand. you took it, her touch gentle and familiar, the warmth of her hand seeping into your bones.

it wasn't forgiveness, not yet, but it was a start; the beginning of something new, something exciting.

[ginkgooou]

Remember, Remember

Alexia Putellas x Explorer!R

Sometimes being in a relationship with someone from a different culture can be hard, but so worth it.

3rd part in the Explorer! Verse. Pt 1 and Pt 2 can be found here.

Fluff. 10k.

We're officially in October and the leaves are crunchy so we're here for the Autumnal vibes. Again, this is a complete vanity piece, and may only make sense to those Brits out there but should be readable to everyone. For those who don't know what Bonfire Night is, good ol' wiki can help, here.

People wanted more of the team involved so this is my attempt at that!

I'm trying to get into my short fluff era but here we are 10k words later. Honestly, those people who can write short, snappy pieces, take a bow.

3rd part in the Explorer! Verse. Pt 1 and Pt 2 can be found here. Again, all can be read alone but are better together.

For those interested, this is the song playing in my head when I wrote this. Did I mention my dreadful taste in music? James Blunt is king.

You threw another log on the fire and with a sigh, moved back and settled more deeply into the rattan furniture you were sitting on. You lay your head back and take in the stars scattered on a blanket of darkness above you, smoke plume rising gently and disappearing into the inky abyss.

With the crackle of the fire being the only soundtrack to your evening, you noted the changing of the season in the crunching of the leaves on the patio, and the lack of cicadas chirping which had become the soundtrack to your new life in Barna.

It had been a few months since your accident.

You called it an accident.

Alexia called it an inevitability.

She hadn’t quite shook off her anger whenever reminded of what happened. She would turn quiet and mutter in fast-catalan to herself, something you learnt she would only do if she was really annoyed and didn’t want you to understand her; “neu estúpida, que fins i tot necessita veure tanta neu de totes maneres”.

But you had learnt the best thing to do in these situations would be to bundle her into your chest and give her your previously injured hand which she seemed to find comfort in massaging, as though reminding herself that there was blood running through the veins.

You’d apologise, and you’d thank her over and over again.

You knew she was never angry, she was scared.

But, you’d both worked through her fear and your trauma, you’d mended physically and mentally. Both going to therapy, surprisingly, after Alexia has insisted on it.

The usually stern captain was a massive advocate of the counseling, finding it helped her during her injuries and time away from the pitch.

You needed more convincing, talking to strangers about feelings did not come naturally to your keep calm and carry on attitude. 

You were much more inclined to put on Paddington 2, lay on Alexia's lap whilst she played with your hair and pretended that she didn't know you were crying.

But after one-too-many nights waking up with a start after feeling trapped by your blankets, or on one bad occasion, shoving your girlfriend out of bed when her arm slung across your stomach had felt like a vice suffocating you, you had agreed. 

For her.  

You’d do anything for her.

You knew Alexia was relieved, with the shadows disappearing from your eyes. She told you that you had your spark back.

You think she was just happy she didn’t have to keep being the small spoon. 

She did miss Paddington 2 though. She loved that damn bear.

You both found your rhythm. And you settled into domesticity that you never expected to adore so much until you met the blonde and you know… almost died.

Alexia looked at you every day like she couldn’t believe you were standing in her kitchen, or settled onto her couch when she returned from training.

It melted your heart every time that look was directed your way, and it tugged on your heart strings when you imagined her coming home to an empty house when you were on an expedition, worried about if you were dead or alive.

You swore to yourself that you would never let that image become a reality again.

But.

You had itchy feet. Naturally. You hadn’t changed that fundamentally as a person, and you knew a jobless, housewife in a high-rise city centre apartment you were not.

So, one day, you had sat Alexia down and held her hands in yours, and told her you needed a job.

“You do not need a job mi amor! I look after us, and you stay safe, I like it. me gusta cuidarte.” she’d proudly exclaimed, practically puffing her chest out like a caveman. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at her.

“Of course I need a job, love. I am not making a life of walking around Barna, watching football games and being a beach bum.”

“I like your beach bum.” she’d retorted, childishly whilst you swatted her wandering hands.

“I know you do bebe…” you’d straddled her lap then and looped your hands around her neck, playing with her baby hairs at the nape of her neck.

You knew she loved that.

That was confirmed as her eyes fluttered closed at your ministrations. “But I want to build a life here and I know what I want to do…” 

“Yes Mi Amor, anything you like, I will help you. I have contacts. I will support you in what you chose.” she’d giddily replied, seemingly doing a 180 on your career decisions once she realised it was a part of you cementing a life in Spain.

“Well you know, I’m kinda really good at what I do…” you saw her face drop slightly, though she quickly recovered, “well… what I did… you know. And I still love it, that will never change even after… everything…” you felt her squeeze your waist tighter at that. “but my skills outdoors, survival, foraging, working knots…” 

Well.

She couldn’t deny that. - you had accidentally become barca’s unofficial shoelace captain after you’d tied Mapis boots once for her when she’d dislocated her thumb, and they had to be cut off. Suddenly you had a whole teamload of girls queuing up for your services, headed by your girlfriend.

She was the only one who got a kiss on the knee as you finished up though.

Alexia immediately declared it a pre-match requirement.

“Si?” she asked, somewhat desperately.

“So I am thinking. I would like to join the British Army.”

A breath of silence, a beat, maybe not even more than 3 seconds until…

“Si crees que voy a aceptar que te unas al puto ejército, estás literalmente loco!, No, No, Absolutely not.” she was up now, you tossed aside as she started pacing… whilst you were on the couch…

Laughing your arse off.

“Que. What is so funny tu idiota?” she took a pause in her pacing, her stern face directed directly at you, hands raised in despair.

“I’m only joking Ale!” you giggled to yourself, wiping tears from your eyes. “Come get back here you big oaf.” you dragged her back into your embrace.

“You are not funny.” You could have camped on that bottom lip as she pouted.

“I am a little funny.” you'd bantered, showing a measurement of how funny you thought you were with your forefinger and thumb, which she pushed together with a huff.

But you noticed that she didn't let go of your hand.

Softie.

“Ok not funny my love I’m sorry. No, never the army. I do not want danger. Or travel for months at a time.  That part of my life is over.”

“sí, lo es” she’d mumbled.

“But, I do still have the contact urge to be outdoors. To share what I know. To show people the world.” you spoke with so much passion that she couldn’t help but nod. It was that same spark that she fell in love with.

“So, I have spoken to Mario…”

A smile appeared on her face. God. She loved that guy. He was a lovable rogue and she loved when he and his tribe of kids would join you at games. Sometimes she’d secretly watch you from the tunnel play with them whilst you all waited for the game to start. It made her heart flutter as they clambered all over you.

“... and he’s up for it too. If we go into business together. Guided tours and expeditions. Like how we met. But permanently. It would be based here, in Spain, and obviously I would be travelling but no more than a week or two at a time, and it would all be very low level and safe. Nothing big…. But if it makes you un…”

You were abruptly stopped in your rambling by her lips on yours.

“You don’t have to ask my permission mi amor. But I support you. It sounds fantastic. Perfecta para ti.”

You knew she’d support you but you still felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. 

“... but not. Like… exactly like the trip we met on. No? No falling in love with other women, si?” 

You’d burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of your girlfriend at that. “No, my love, never.” you’d muttered into her lips.

As you sit now, in your tree-lined garden on the southern edge of the Montseratt national park, only a short commute from estadi johan cryuff, you couldn’t really imagine a more perfect life.

You’d moved away from the city not long after you’d built your business. Turns out alot of people want a tour that a record-breaking explorer was running, and that's how Christopher Colum-Tours became a massive success.

You were booked for years in advance.

Mostly because you made sure you took so few, but well paying jobs. You thought the name was hilarious, when Alexia didn’t you were sure it was lost in translation.

She assured you it was not.

You’d mentioned it in passing to her that you needed more space to store all of your kit, but you didn’t expect her eyes to light up and to wake up the next day with 20 different house viewings booked.

She was literally buzzing with excitement, dragging you around Spanish villas on the edges of Barcelona, pointing out coving and brickwork. You'd never been fancy, you didn't care.

Until you walked into the last house on the list. And you knew you would build your life there.

It was on the southern edge of the national park, more modest than the others you had seen but views from the master balcony were endless and beautiful. It was surrounded by forest and its garden wasn’t as sculpted as you’d gotten used to in these multi million villas.

It was a wild garden with a natural-styled pool and a built-in fire pit.

It blended into the landscape it was built within.

Alexia has found you on the balcony, giddy about beams and authentic features, and all it had taken was one look in her eyes before she was squealing with glee “It's this one isn’t it amor!”.

Alexia had tried to pay outright cash. But you had refused. You both went on the mortgage and you loved that, that piece of paper connected you.

When you tried to explain that to her she’d lovingly rolled her eyes, “only you would see the good side to tens of hundreds of euros worth of debt and interest, Mi Amor.”

But you knew that meant she agreed. And she loved you.

So no, you couldn’t really understand the melancholy that was settling over you at the moment.

You’d just returned from a trip to England for your brother's birthday. Even though you now lived in Spain you’d been able to go to more family events than ever before, with your lack of travelling the world. 

You made the journey across every few weeks, usually when Alexia was away with a game or the national team. And you’d loved being more dependable to your family, with your nieces and nephews, being a part of their growing up.

Maybe that's why you are a bit sad now. It's November 3rd. The Spanish air was crisp but you couldn’t see your breath in the air like you could in England. The smell was all forest and fresh air. The days are still bright. There wasn’t a lingering fog in the evenings, or the smell of burning sulphur with the symphony of rogue fireworks being set off until the early hours.

Because this week was your favourite week growing up.

Mischief week, the firemen who visited your school had called it.

The week between Halloween and Bonfire night when kids lost their minds, hyped up on sweets and adrenaline. Bonfire displays all around your village and fireworks bursting the sky into life. You’d go to the cricket club display every year, warmed by the bonfire and cider. You’d eat toffee apples and hotpot. You’d spend the rest of the week sitting in your living room with the lights off watching the sky light up.

Usually you didn’t even notice what you were missing out on. But you had a home now. And you felt a little sad to be missing out on the festivities that your family group chat was organising.

But Alexia had just returned from National Camp. And she was always a bit down when she returned. Even if she pretended not to be. So you wouldn’t have delayed your return to Spain for all of the world.

You’d picked her up from the airport in your battered truck that she pretended she hated, spent a cosy evening together sharing food and soft kisses.

She’d gone to wash the plane off her whilst you wandered to your favourite part of the house and built a fire.

You tried to not drown in your own melancholy as you stared skywards. You heard the sliding of the patio door and you didn’t need to open your eyes to imagine your girlfriend making her way out to you. Cup of tea in one hand and ginger tea in the other. Scuttling barefoot with a blanket draped over her head adorably, muttering about you insisting on being outside. 

And when you felt a warm mug pressed into your hands you knew your image had been correct, you couldn’t hide your shy smile as you felt a kiss being dropped to your neck as she settled on the other side of the garden furniture, legs draped into your lap. You enjoyed the warmth of her legs as you continued to look skyward.

You didn’t realise how much time had passed until you felt Alexia sit up next to you and stroke your hair behind your ear.

“¿Qué pasa mi amor?” she’d whispered into the silence of the evening. You turned your head towards her, “Nothing, love, sorry I was just in my own world for a second there.” you smiled at her, reassuringly.

“en tu propio mundo…” she muttered to herself, struggling for a moment with the translation. “Ah, well. I thought so, usually I don't need to even think it before you’re massaging my knee, I was practically kicking you there carino and nothing.” she’d laughed lightly, as you flicked her playfully on the nose, whilst still moving your spare hand under the blanket and digging into the flesh of her calf, glad she’d asked for what she wanted.

“Let me in ti mundo, mi amor. What's on your mind.” she asked, lovingly, whilst laying back down, suppressing a groan as your hands manipulated the tissue around her knee cap, digging into the tightness that you found there with practised ease.

“Nada, soy buena.” you’d replied, purposefully timing your reply with a particularly satisfying knead just under her kneecap, making the beautiful blonde groan loudly, “Shhh, Ale. You don’t want to give the neighbours a show.”

She lightly kicked out at you at your teasing comment, rolling her eyes, “We don’t have any neighbours idiota, unless you count that molesta goat that you insist on feeding when he turns up in the garden.”

“His name is Billy and he’s my friend. You keep Billy out of this.” you allow a beat of silence, “And he’s not a goat he’s a mountain goat, he’s manly, don’t upset him…” you raise your voice “Billy if you’re listening ignore her she’s being mean!... Hey! Ale stop kicking me! I am not a ball.”

“You're trying to distract me.” she says, plainly. “What are you thinking?”, the way her eyes look at you with so much love stops any lie that was on the tip of your tongue.

“It’s silly…” another huff from the side of you, “I’m just missing home a little but thats all.” you admit, and her face drops. “No, not home, sorry, England. Home is here with you. Obviously.” you panic, you don’t want to upset her, Alexia is home. 

You don’t know what's come over you but you can’t stop speaking, 

“It’s just this time of year, it's my favourite time of year that's all. I never missed it when I was away, I didn’t have time to. But now I feel so at home here. With you. That it just feels a bit weird to not be doing what I did growing up and if we had kid…” you stop yourself, eyes widening.

Her smile is breathtaking. Her eyes light up and it's all teeth. But she gives you an out.

“And what would you usually be doing at this time of year, mi amor?” she asks,

“You know… Remember, Remember, the 5th of November…” you trail off, speaking in that rhythmic way British school kids are taught. Her blank expression makes you continue “...gunpowder, treason and plot. No? Really? I’m sure I was taught he was Spanish.”

“Amor, you are speaking in riddles. Help me here.” she asks, with a laugh teasing her lips.

“It's Bonfire Night, Guy Fawkes Night, Fireworks Night… whatever you call it.”

“I think Amor, we call it a Thursday Night.”

“Oh. Yeah, no of course. Sorry.”

“Why are you apologising to me? Tell me about it. Tell me what you’d be doing.” she asks, so genuinely that it cracks your heart wide open.

So you do, you tell her.

You tell her all about what you were taught in school. About Guido and his gang of conspirators, about parliament, about gunpowder and about the plan to blow up the King. You tell her about hanging, drawing and quartering, laughing at her squeamishness. You feel yourself getting giddy as you wrack the corners of your brain trying to remember all of the story you were brought up on. 

You tell her about penny for a guy, about kids sitting outside shops with their effigies for pennies, you tell her about your dad setting off fireworks in your street, almost blowing himself up, and then your mum insisting you go only to the official bonfire at the cricket club from that year onwards and watch the effigy being burnt on the enormous fire.

Alexia listened with rapt attention, and as you stopped for breath she spoke; “esperar, esperar, so let me get this correcta. Some guy 500 years ago tried to blow up cortes generales, so they graphically and publicly murdered him… and you celebrate that, as a country every year, by… kids begging and burning him on a fire you all go stand around?... In November?”

“Si.” you reply, with a smile and a nod, eyes moving back skywards.

“Estás todo loco” she laughs.

And you suppose it is. A bit mad, when you think about it really. But you were feeling a bit sensitive and a bit… mocked?

You felt like how you feel when someone would name-call your brother on the playground. You can do that. He’s your brother. But someone else can’t. Because that's your brother.

Alexia can’t mock your traditions. They’re yours. God knows you’d bit your lip throughout all of hers. I mean. If you could get through the explanation of a literal model of a pooping Alexia on your Nativity last year you felt like maybe she would get this. You even graciously accepted your own Canager from Eli with a smile.

You took a moment, a deep breath, you knew you were being sensitive, out of character. 

You knew usually you’d join in with her laughter, maybe tickle her and have a fake argument about it just as an excuse to make up. But you weren’t really feeling it today.

“Well, let’s agree to disagree, yeah?” you turned and smiled, you moved her trouser leg back down under the blanket, gave her knee a pat and moved her legs off you to stand. Whilst she looked up at you in bewilderment, with wide, curious eyes.

“I’m gonna get to bed love, I’m really tired all of a sudden, going to get my head down before I wake myself up again, you okay sorting the fire and locking up?”

She nodded, lost for words for a moment, practically having whiplash at the mood swing. You didn’t let Alexia lock up, or sort the fire. They’re your jobs. Always have been. Keeping you both safe. So she knew you were upset.

“Amo…” she started but she heard the patio door slide closed and moved to throw some sand onto the fire. She noticed your mug of tea on the arm of the sofa where you’d been sitting.

And when she saw that it was still half full she knew. 

She’d fucked up.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“....and then she said, estemos de acuerdo en no estar de acuerdo, and went to bed! And Mapi. She left her tea!” Alexia explained, desperately to her best friend, the next morning at training.

“...It’s only tea Ale.” Mapi tried to reassure her, “It means nothing amiga I am sure.”

“No, you don’t understand. And she was asleep when I went to bed and it wasn't even 10 minutes later. And then this morning, she was still asleep. She’s never still asleep. You know her Maps, she's up with the sun and…” the midfielder lowered her voice further,

“she always makes me a coffee with the cute foam heart and she didn’t but maybe she’s just tired, I thought, but then I looked and I saw she must have been up that morning because there was food out in the garden for that stupid goat… so was she pretending to be asleep to not speak with me?”

Alexia's voice got more and more panicked as she rambled on.

Mapis' heart melted for her friend,  the panic in her face reminded her of the Ale who used to pace the changing rooms with her phone cemented to her hand waiting for word from you. Of the Alexia who missed games because she made herself sick with worry that you were dead somewhere. She hadn’t seen this Ale for a while. She needed to help.

“Keira! Come here!” Mapi shouted over to the red haired midfielder.

“Mapi! Shh. Don’t! What are you doing!” Alexia hissed,

“I think this is a British problem, Ale, we need an expert.” 

“Well, why shout across the room? Lucy is standing right there.” Alexia pointed to the defender who was currently pretending her shin pads were lightsabers.

“Lucy thinks she’s Spanish.”

Alexia hummed. 

Fair point.

“What's up guys? Skip? Why do you have that face on?”

“Say the thing Capi. You know… the spell thing.” Mapi painfully nudged her captain in the ribs… “Que?... Oh…. Remember Remember the 5th of November....”

“Gunpowder, treason and plot, I see no reason, why gunpowder treason, should ever be forgot. Yeah? Why are we doing nursery rhymes” Keria recited, without a pause. Looking at them both, curiously.

“See it is a thing!” Alexia exclaimed, hitting Mapi over the head, “tell her what happened Capi.” Mapi asked, as Keira settled between the two.

As her story came to a close Alexia began to finish up… “and then she said we should ‘agree to disagree’” at this Keria winced but gestured for her skipper to carry on “...and then she went to bed but didn’t finish her tea.” Keira audibly groaned at that, moving to grab the taller girl's shoulder.

“Sorry Skip, In British ‘agree to disagree’ means, ‘I’m really upset but I don’t want to talk about it’ and well… I think it's a crime to leave a cup of tea. She must have really wanted to get out of there.”

“But why! I don’t know what I did!” the blonde groans into her hands.

“We’ll figure it out, amiga” Mapi reassured her, rubbing her back sympathetically.

“Erm…” Keria looked up, unsure.

“What?” Alexia's head shot up, looking at her teammate.

“I don’t want to talk out of turn Skip.. but…”

“No, go on, help me, please. What did I do?” Alexia asks, desperately.

“You can be... Well... You can all be… a bit. Catalan?”

“Que?!” the captain exclaimed, “What does that mean? I am Catalan!”

“No, No I know. And it's not a bad thing. But. You know, there's a lot. A lot to remember, Saint Jordi, all the pan con tomate…the loud dinners, the touching, the human towers… the fire-devil thing. And it's great! I love it! I respect it, And I know she does too but…”

“But…?” Mapi and Alexia ask together, looking everything like school children at a lesson, pencils poised. 

“But. And I am just guessing here…”

“Speak Keira or I will make you run laps.” the captain threatens.

“Maybe, you could… you know… try a bit… and I mean… a little bit. With some English things?” she finishes her sentence as a question, nervous to criticise her well-respected captain in any way.

“What do you mean! I do! I respect her! And all her things!”

“I know it's not on purpose Ale. But how would you feel if she said Sainte Jordi was silly.”

“It’s not silly! It's special, Mi Papi used to get me and Alba a rose every year and I still remember it now. I love doing it every year. It makes me feel… oh.”

“Yeah. And you know, me and Lucy come round for Sunday roast every month and you always go out.” she’d started now so she supposed, in-for a penny in for a pound, “and when she put an orange in your stocking at Christmas you laughed and told her it was a bad football and kicked it at her.”

Alexia looks at her teammate, cluelessly, whilst Mapi sniggers behind her hand,

“Alexia, It’s an English thing. Oranges don’t grow in England. They used to be a luxury so people would give them at Christmas to people they love. Like a sign of sharing?...and on pancake day you told her it went against your diet plan…” 

“Didn't she literally fell a tree last year to make you your own Caga Tio? She asked me where Onas was from, I said Amazon and I'm fairly sure she thought I meant the rainforest…” Lucy joined in on the salt being rubbed into the enormous wound party that Alexia didn't even know she was hosting. 

“Okay, Okay, I get it.” The captain said. Raising her hand. She felt terrible. She did go out on what she’d dubbed ‘English-Night’ when Keira, Lucy and sometimes Ona would invade her kitchen and cook weird food and watch English TV shows.

But she thought you'd want to enjoy your evening in English without her. And the pancake thing… well. It did go against her diet plan. 

You never said it was a tradition. 

She would have made an exception. 

She'd do anything for you.

You happily went along with all of her things, she had never even told you about Caga Tio, you'd found out on your own and done such an incredibly sweet thing that Alexia had cried and slept with it next to her side of the bed for a week. 

Not that she'd tell her teammates that. 

She hadn’t realised you’d been trying to share your traditions with her and she’d been closing it down.

“Why didn’t she say anything?” Alexia asks helplessly,  

“Because she loves you, and she doesn’t care as long as you’re happy I suppose… and also… because she’s English.”

This made her roll her eyes in frustration.

She felt ignorant.

She would fix this.

“Mapi, I need your help.”

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You’d managed to shake off your little moodswing by the early afternoon.

You’d spent the morning answering a few work emails and planning a few new routes. As you set off for your run you felt noticeably brighter, calculating that if you did a bit of a longer run than usual then Alexia should be back home when you returned.

Sometimes you did that on purpose, and went on a longer run so she would be home when you got back. Like when you go to the toilet in a restaurant and you're excited when your meal is at the table when you return.

A little treat for yourself. 

God you had it bad.

You really wanted to spend time with your girlfriend, you felt a little bad about your moodiness and you wanted to make it up to her.

So when you got home from your trail run to a driveway with just your truck in it you tried to keep the sadness down. Training must have gone on this afternoon, sometimes that happened.

By the time early evening rolled around, you got a bit concerned, just as you picked up your phone it vibrates in your hand.

sorry Mi Amor, training turned into watching film, I will eat with Mapi at the canteen, see you soon, love you, miss you xx

You let out a little huff of annoyance to yourself. It's not Alexia's fault that you wasted your time together yesterday being moody. It's not her fault she's stuck at work.

At least her version of being stuck at work isn't being trapped under a mountain of snow and slowly dying.

Your little internal monologue of darkness makes you chuckle to yourself but your attention is grabbed by a knock on the front door.

“Hola Chica!!!”

You suddenly have a facefull of hair and are pulled into the bosom of a very loud and excitable Alba Putellas.

“Hi Alba! What are you doing here?” you ask, trying to not be rude but also wondering what has dragged the famously city-slicking younger Putellas out into the sticks.

“Que? Can a girl not come and spend the evening with their future cuñada? What's with the million questions hermana!” she blusters past you and into the entryway, leaving you standing with your mouth hanging open at the door as she settles into your sofa.

“... I asked one question” you mumbled to no one as you closed the door with the tornado now inside your home.

You explained that Ale was stuck at work, but Alba dismissed your apologies with a flick of her hand. “I'm not here for her, I’ve spent too much time with her, I think we should spend the evening together. Hermana to future Hermana.”

“Erm… sure.” You got on well with Alba. You got on well with all of Ales' family. They;d welcomed you as one of their own immediately. Eli had taken a vested interest in “getting you back up to strength” after your accident. That mainly consisted of not letting you leave the dinner table until eating 3 full plates of paella.

Usually though, Alba could be found in the bars of Barna, not in your living room, and you had a feeling that she knew Alexia was stuck at work. Which meant that Ale had sent her to spend the evening with you. And you hadn’t gotten away with your melancholy without her notice yesterday like you hoped you had.

Still, the thought of her sending her sister to keep you company warmed your heart.

Hours later your stomach hurt from laughing so much, and you felt ill with the amount of food you’d consumed. You and Alba had spent the evening watching telenovelas and cackling at the erratic storylines. Alba would insist every character was gay and you would nearly wet yourself with laughter when in 4 episodes she was proven right.

It's late when you hear the door slam in the hallway, you glance up at the clock and see its later than you even imagined.

“Hola cariño!” Alexia yells from the hall, and you can hear her shoes being kicked off and bag being shoved into the hall cupboard.

“Hola, my love!” Alba mocks back, voice high pitched and sounding resolutely nothing like yours.

You shove her by her shoulder as you rise to greet your girlfriend.

“Hola, my love.” you repeat as you greet her, settling into her open arms and nuzzling into her neck dropping a kiss against her warm skin you find there.

You take a deep breath of the taller woman. “Ale… why do you smell like… onions?” you ask, curiously.

“Vale, vale, I am going to bed before the show starts.” Alba interrupts as Alexia separates herself from you in order to reach across and slap her sister's head.

“Oh, Si? Si Alba, of course you can stay over. Thank you for asking.” she shouts sarcastically at her sisters retreating from. Grumbling to herself as she turns back to her.

“Oh behave you big grump you love it when she stays over.” you whisper, falling into her arms again, settling into her warmth. “Long day?”

You feel the tension leave her body now she's home. “Si… we got lots done though,”

“Good. Feel ready for the weekend then?” you ask, she had a game on Saturday and you know she preferred to be over prepared.

“The weekend?”

“Si, the game? Seville?” you ask, with a laugh to your voice. She must be tired.

“Oh, si, sorry, of course. I am tired mi amor. Yes. I feel ready.” she replies, moving to face you more closely, large hand cupping your cheek and dropping a quick kiss to your lips.

She moves away but you aren’t finished. You've had a long day of missing your girlfriend. And you pull her closer and deepen the kiss, moulding your lips to hers and groaning when she accepts your tongue in her mouth. As you break apart for breath you hear her mutter a little ‘wow’, which melts your heart.

Seriously, only your world famous, drop dead gorgeous, professional footballing girlfriend can get so worked up over some heavy petting.

It's her turn to pull your lips back together and you enjoy swapping sweet kisses before you pull apart… “Al…” she's moved down to your neck… “Ale… why do you taste like… pepper?”

“Huh?” you can’t see her face as she continues to press kisses down your neck. “Don’t know what you’re talking about amor.” she seems to have decided she's finished with your neck for now as she takes a step back.

“I better go wash the day off me. Meet you in bed?” she asks, and who are you to refuse as you nod your agreement and start to tidy the living room as she leaves for upstairs.

“Hey?” you look up and she's popped her head back into the living room, “I missed you today.” she says, simply. Cheeky smile on her face.

Alexia was the most intelligent and complex woman you knew. But sometimes her ability to be so simple was the thing that made you fall so deeply in love with her. She missed you, so she told you.

“I missed you too, love.” you reply, softly. 

She smiles satisfied, and moves from the doorway again. For 3 seconds until she reappears.

“Don’t go to sleep til I’m there por favor, I want to fall asleep together.” you feel your blush start to creep up your neck and open your mouth to reply before,

“Ay dios mio, perdedora! It's a shower, you aren’t going to drown. How do either of you get anything done!” Alba shouts from the top of the stairs, and your girlfriend's head quickly disappears again, before you hear a scream and the thunder of her scaling the stairs…

“vuelve aquí diablo!”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You drummed your fingers on the steering wheel as you waited for your girlfriend outside of the training buildings. It wasn’t usual but she’d asked you to pick her up that morning.

As you’d passed her her morning coffee (foam art included), she’d taken a moment longer than usual giving you a soft morning kiss and breathing you in before she asked you to keep the afternoon free.

“I want to take you on a date, Mi Amor.” she’d mumbled, cutely, “Alba will take me back into the city, then you can pick me up after your session at the school, dress warm.”

“I haven’t said yes yet!” you’d teased, with a roll of your eyes, “and hey, what they say is true, el romance esta muerto! I am picking you up for a date you asked me on! Tut. Ale. You used to be suave.”

“soy muy suave.” she’d confidently replied. “You’ll see on our date… that you’re picking me up for”.

A cheeky smile and a pat on the bum later she’d chased Alba out of the house, and suddenly you felt like you were watching the vision that Eli had grown old too.

Two bickering Putellas sisters acting like teenagers on their way to the school bus, hitting each other and Alba chasing Alexia down the drive after one kick too many.

So, you’d done as you were told and after your talk with 28 school kids about basic survival skills here you find yourself patiently waiting for your girlfriend.

The door to the training facility opened and you were surprised to see Alexia emerge bundled up in far too many layers and knit hat cutely adorned on her head. She really was adverse to the cold. Usually she’d be the last to leave training, insisting on a team talk or taking extra free kicks, but she searched the car park eagerly and eyes lit up as she took you in in your beat up old blue pickup truck.

The next surprise she gave you was when she didn’t hurry to the passenger seat, instead making her way to your window and, when you didn’t move, knocking on it with a rap of her knuckles. You roll the window down with a quick of your eyebrow.

“Can I help you señora?” you ask, “Si, mover… por favour. I am driving.”

The absurdity of her comment makes you bark out a laugh, but you do as your told,

“Ale, you hate my truck.”

“I have never said that.”

“Yes you have. One million times. ‘Mi Amor, your truck brings our house price down.’...’Amor, your truck is warming the planet. I thought you liked trees.’...”Amor, your truck is so loud that I think a dinosaur is coming up the driveway…” you imitate, crudely but with a gentle laugh.

She just fixes you with a stern eye as she turns the key, a large grinding sound coming from the engine.

“In gear please Ale!”..."Ah, Si.” followed by the successful roar of the engine.

“Remember love, she doesn't have any heated seats, we listen to my Beatles CD cause its stuck in the player, and the gearbox is a little worn so please… be gentle”

“Weird, usually you aren’t asking me to be gentle.” she dryly replies, eyebrow arched and make you blush. She moves her hand to your thigh and you take it in both of yours as she asks about the school you spoke in, she listens with rapt attention and you bask in the way her eyes light up when she tells you about how Jana finally mastered a trick she’d been working on.

You’d gotten so lost in conversation and checking out your hot girlfriend that you’d forgotten to check your destination until you felt the truck come to a halt.

As you looked around you saw you were in a small car park, a familiar style building imposing in front of you.

A stadium.

You can’t help but be a little disappointed, if Ale’s idea of date night had transformed into football games then you may as well start just going to training with her to keep your romantic life alive.

“Oh. Lovely.” you’d hoped you’d infused as much enthusiasm into your tone as you could. Just happy to spend time with the blonde. “Who’s playing?”

“Barca.” she’d replied, getting out of the car and hurrying to your door, all the while holding her hand up as she hurried past the bonnet indicating to you that she wanted to open it.

She’d taken your hand in her large one and started to walk towards the stadium, you looked around and took in a few people milling about, some with unrecognisable kit on.

You don’t know if a temporary deafness had taken over your girlfriend but she ignored you as she pulled you towards the turnstiles. It was a much smaller stadium than your girlfriend usually played at, and it was quick to get into the grounds.

“Ah, gran admirador?” the steward asked, as he pointed at your trusty blaugrana laces, and you just smile and nod, no idea what's going on.

As you looked up you were at pitch level and you saw a familiar sight of… ‘H’ shaped sticks? You almost broke your own neck at the speed at which you spun to look at your girlfriend who was staring at you with a Cheshire cat grin splitting her face.

“We’re here to watch Rugby!” she practically cheers, clearly very happy with herself.

You’d always used it as a weapon to tease your football-obsessed captain-girlfriend with, that you had been brought up on Rugby. Your brother played and you’d spend weekends down at the Rugby Club cheering on at the side lines. Your dad followed the town team religiously and you’d been dragged down to London more than once for cup finals.

As your world got bigger your love for the game diminished but the familiar smell of tiger balm and clack of metal studs always managed to make you feel 9 again down at the local rugby club.

You felt a childlike giddiness erupt from your stomach as you took in your glowing girlfriend. “Ale, this is… this is…” you feel a bit emotional as you struggle to get your words out, your girlfriend saves you.

“Vamos! Let's go find the best place to watch!” Alexia drags you into the small stands which are sparsely occupied. 

“I didn’t even know Barcelona had a rugby team…” you say as you take your seat,

“Si, they do. They were promoted in 2006 but have been struggling since… they are currently 4th in the league though and today they’re playing 3rd so it…”

You interrupt your girlfriend by pressing a kiss to her lips, unable to stop your affection as you realise how much she had researched for you. “Te amo.” you mutter into her lips. You open your eyes before her and see her sit with her eyes closed for a moment, smile teasing on her lips, dazed.

“yo también te amo cariño” she replies, opening her eyes, “now come, watch. They're kicking off.”

You thoroughly enjoy yourself for the next 80 minutes. You realise that you have never watched a sports game with Alexia. Usually watching her or if she wasn’t playing she’d be sat on the bench with the team. 

She’d usually be too invested and serious to have a fun time. But here, without being impacted by the outcome, nor really having any idea what was going on. Alexia was clearly having the time of her life.

She was giving off serious big dick energy, sitting in her plastic chair like she owned the stadium, legs spread wide and ankles hooked as she took in the pitch before her. Alexia wasn’t into PDA, however, here she pulled you close to her as though you were in your living room, clearly happy that she wouldn’t be bothered by anyone at a sparsely populated Rugby game. 

“Amor, comer aqui. Explain this to me… “ she'd gestured to the pitch before her with one hand and pulled you closer with the other, draping both of your legs over one of hers so your legs dangled between hers, and you sat sideways facing her as she rested her arm around your shoulders. 

You tried to ignore the feel of her strong thigh muscle underneath yours. Noticeable even though two sets of heavy clothing. 

She started to play with the baby hairs at the nape of your neck as you tried to explain a scrum, mauls and drop kicks.

But you found yourself watching her side profile more than the game, her sharp jaw, the curve of her eyebrow. How cute she looked in her little barca beanie, eyes bright with excitement. 

She gives your hair a little tug, “Mira el juego bebe…” she mutters, eyes still looking forward but a grin teasing her lips, “...I paid a good €8 for these tickets.”

You laugh and concentrate on the game before you, laughing at Alexia's commentary throughout, ‘you can use your hands! How is it even that hard!’ until a big hit where she would recoil into herself and muttered ‘nevermind’.

She would cheer every time someone kicked the ball and when you got into the game and shouted “Offside ref!!” she hushed you and insisted that it wasn’t, until you explained the offside rule was different and her mind nearly exploded. 

It was a close game and you found yourself sucked in.

Becoming more animated until the final play of the game, Barca had possession and you couldn’t help it when you stood up and shouted, “stick it up your jumper… go on… RUN….ooooh!”, you looked down and saw Alexia looking up at you with wide eyes, a teasing glint in them, you grew flushed and sat down tentatively, “Amor, I have never seen you so… aggressive… I like it.” she decided, smirk on her lips.

Barca ended up losing but it didn’t take away any of the shine from the day, as you left the stadium you swung your hands between your bodies with excitement, “Ale, that was the best surprise date ever. Thank you.”

You noticed that a look you didn’t recognise flashed across her face as she opened the door for you, guiding you into the passenger seat with a kiss.

“Can we go to Casa Pepe for some dinner?” you ask, looking out of the window and taking in the darkened sky, “No.” she replied, which caused you to turn, and you saw a wry grin on her face, “date isn’t over yet amor, I have plans on plans. Sit back and enjoy the ride.”

Alexia then goes onto stall the truck and take off to a stuttering start, and because she was being so sweet you didn’t say anything but looked out of the window to hide your face.

“Shut up.” she chides anyway.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You’re confused as Alexia drives your truck off road and onto a beach just outside the main area of Barcelona. You see fairy lights in front of you and a huddle of cars and people milling around.

“What's going on Ale?” you ask, trying to take in the look on her face in the darkness of the cab of your truck as she reverses into a semi-circle with some other cars.

She doesn’t have a chance to answer before you are startled by a knock on your window and Mapis' face pressed against the glass with glee.

“You’re here! You’re here! Finally… Capi, can we start it now pleaaaase….” Mapi is silenced by her girlfriend who has made her way over and pulled her from the window. “Give them a second kjære, come, I need your help over here…” and Ingrid winks at you as she leads her excitable puppy of a girlfriend away.

You remain not having any clue about what the hell is going on.

Alexia has slipped out of the truck and moved around to your side, opening the door and you spin on the bench, widen your legs, and pull her between them.

She looks at you with a wide, open expression.

“Remember, Remember, the 5th of November…” she starts, which immediately causes the penny to drop, as you look to the scene on the beach before you.

A large unlit bonfire stands a safe distance from the trunk of your car, you continue to look around and see Eli ordering around most of Alexias team mates and even some backroom staff you recognise from the training grounds, as she stands in charge of what seems to be a crudely put together buffet table. Illuminated by fairy lights you see pots of steaming food which she stirs intermittently.

You even spotted Mario with his newly pregnant (again!) wife and his tribe of kids playing with a small football alongside Jana and Marta.

You can’t help the tears that come to your eyes at the scene before you.

“I am so grateful for you Amor…” she starts, “You have fit so well into my family and life that maybe I missed some things about your family and life…”

“No Ale.”

“No it’s okay, I know you love me. But I wanted to do this for you. But then… well. It escalated. I asked Keira and Lucy for help but then they got so excited about bonfire night that they kind of invited themselves, and then one person turned into another… and then, as soon as Mapi found out there were explosives and fire I couldn’t keep her away. And well, Ingrid had to come because she has a vested interest in keeping Mapis fingers attached to her body. And well. At that point it had got so big that I just invited anyone from the club who wanted to come, and their families. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind! This is the sweetest thing in the world… Is that…” you sniff up… “hotpot?!”

Alexia soon became old news as you scurried over to Eli and the food table, kissing her in greeting and falling into her embrace, there were bubbling pots of Chilli, Hotpot, Mushy Peas and even a tray of toffee apples.

Ingrid had come over and presented a tray of parkin that she had baked, beautifully presented in the elegant way that only the Norwegian could. “I hope this is right, I googled it and Mapi taste tested it and she was happy, but honestly, she’s happy if I give her dog food so i’m not sure she's the best judge.”

“Ingrid it’s perfect.” you assured her, the grin breaking your face convincing her more than your words.

“Can we set the fire yet!” Mapi had shouted across the set up, bottle of accelerant in hand that she had been spraying onto the pile of dried wood. A somewhat maniacal look on her face.

One of the physios took the bottle from her hand gently and pushed her towards Ingrid, taking over the situation when he recognised there was a chance the whole beach was going up in flames if she was left in charge.

As the fire grew and grew, everyone's faces were bathed in the golden light. The chill was still in the air and you felt a large puffy jacket being slung around your shoulders. Alexia standing behind you, resting her chin on your head as you settled back into her.

“Ale. Is that Guy wearing a Real Madrid jersey?” you asked, amused, as you noticed that the traditional effigy had a familiar football shirt on.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, amor.” she replied, laughter in her voice. Before you had a chance to tease her further she pinched your hips, “come on, lets get some food! I’m starving, and all this brown British mushy food smells so good…”

Well. At least she was trying.

You ate and ate, you don’t think you’ve ever been as full in your life. Alexia had spent all the evening before perfecting her hotpot recipe with the help of Eli and it was good.

She’d even shown you the burn marks on her fingers where the hot toffee from the toffee apples has caught on her skin.

Eli told you how Alexia had turned up at her house with Mapi, arms full of ingredients needing help to make traditional foods, which she then stressed over for the rest of the evening, whilst Mapi paced the kitchen, talking to her ‘fireworks guy’, because of course Mapi had a man with explosives on speed dial. 

You’d told the story of Guy Fawks to an intrigued Irene, Mateo happily munching on a sticky apple on her knee. “Ah, I see… It feels like a cold San Juan. I like it” she’d declared, with an air of finality.

“So… they’re like, guisantes but… pulposa?” you overheard Parti asking Keria, as the ginger was gladly wolfing down a portion of mushy peas. “Yeah! Try them… you’ll love them.”

As a second passes before you hear a distinctive gag and Kerias laughter echoing around you think maybe Patri did not love them. Ona greedily scoffed her own portion down with Lucy looking on, proudly, “Te acostumbras amiga” she jeered towards her retreating friend, who went in search of the drinks table.

The fire dimmed but still fought on and you were shepherded towards your truck by your girlfriend, the hatch had been brought down and you could see that Alexia had stored every spare pillow and blanket from your house and made a cosy nest in the bed of your trunk.

She threw herself in, happy to warm herself in the nestle of blankets, always being more susceptible to the cold. Nose red and beanie pulled low down on her head. She opened her arms invitingly and you settled between her legs, watching the scene before you.

You watched as Alba and her latest girlfriend messed around feeding each other parkin. You watched as Mapi chased Pina around with a sparkler in her hand, the younger girl screaming for her life as Mapi cackled. You watched Eli cooing over Jona’s young baby, looking so confident with the newborn only an experienced mother could. You took in how Lucy seemed to eat her 5th bowl of chilli as Ona chatted her ear off.

The scene was perfect.

Only made more so as you felt Ale move her cold hands beneath your warm clothing, grabbing you around the stomach and resting her hands there, making you hiss at the contact, “buscar mi amor” she whispered into your ear, as you looked to the sky and watched as the familiar explosion of fireworks in the sky above you.

The whoops and hollers of the kids (and Mapi) warmed your heart, as you watched the display you let the the sound of the explosions and the ‘ooh’s’ and ‘ahh’s’ of the families and friends around you seep into your bones. The smell of sulphur invaded your senses and you settled more deeply into the woman behind you.

You quickly snapped a picture to share in your family group chat, quickly joining the tens of fireworks pictures from different displays as you all shared your evening, far away yet able to be involved, thanks to your Ale.

“Tell me about Bonfire Night, Mi Amor, I promise, I do not think it is silly.”

That much was obvious, with the effort she had gone to in such a short space of time. 

You told her about the big fires the village came together to build. How it made your community stronger. The fireworks and how the sky lit up all week. The school projects and crude drawings of fires you would make.  The toffee apples you would get stuck in your teeth and the parkin your mum would bake. 

How the stickiness would sit on your hands for days. How your dad would always throw an unexploded firework into the bonfire without thinking, making him run away from the explosions behind him as you and your brother peeled over with laughter. How the cold would pinch your cheeks and you’d check the bonfire for hedgehogs before it was lit. How you’d spend days building a guy from your dads old clothes stuffed with newspaper. How you would run around with sparklers and spend all the next day picking them up from the streets with your brother and putting them into a bucket.

“It sounds fun, Mi Amor. I am glad you grew up with so much love. I get to benefit from it now.” Alexia had muttered into your hair, and pressed a kiss to your head.

You felt those memories wash over you, and knew that this bonfire night would be right up there with them, cemented as the best times of your life.

Yes, you weren't used to the sound of the waves as you usually watched the bonfire burn, and no, you usually weren’t stood on a bed of sand. No, your usual bonfire night would not consist of Alexia telling off Jana and Patri for sneaking in croquetas behind one of the parked cars, insisting they had to eat the British food prepared.

But the smiles were the same, people coming together around the fire was the same, the children laughing and family enjoying time together was the same, couples falling further in love and cuddling together for warmth was the same, the colours and the sparkles that lit up everyone's faces. The same.

“Thank you Alexia. For all of this. The rugby, this, it’s…It's… perfect.”

“You are perfect.” she’d replied, without hesitation.

You swatted her hand that still rested on your stomach, “Soppy.” you’d admonished.

“Not sorry,” she’d quipped back. You fell into a comfortable silence, enjoying the sound of the fireworks popping above you.

“Our kids will celebrate bonfire night.” she’d let out, suddenly, with certainty. Finishing the thought you’d started to express days earlier. 

Before you had a chance to formulate a thought she continued, “and pancake day. And they will watch Rugby. And football. And celebrate La Mercè. They will know about Sant Jordi. And Saint George.”

“Ale…” you’d let out, wetly, tears brimming in your eyes.

“They will be a mix of both of us. And I will marry you, you know? One day. We will be married.”

There she is again, with her beautiful simplicity.

You don’t really know what to say to that, and you let the silence take hold for a moment.

Where was the woman who blushed in embarrassment when she realised you’d understood her muttered Spanish compliments? Though, you suppose, you’d both changed together. Where was the woman you used to be who would refuse to stay in a postcode for more than 2 weeks?

“ain’t no mountain high enough” you softly sang at her, trailing your fingers down her arm, lightly, it had become your song, between the two of you, when things were bad with your PTSD she would hold you close and sing quietly, in the safety of your bed, her spanish lilt would settle your heart rate and the lyrics would melt the ice in your veins.

Her arms squeeze you tighter, both lost in the safety of your blanket fortress under the stars, surrounded by friends and family but you may as well be the only people on the beach.

“I can’t wait to ask you, officially.”

God if this setup was her idea of a date, you couldn’t imagine her idea of a proposal.

“I can’t wait to say yes” you replied, playing with her ring finger that was settled on your stomach, “officially.” 

You moved back and kissed the tall blonde softly, passionately, until you’re interrupted by Mapi’s aggrieved exclamation;

“Espera! The Guy was ¿Español?”

[ginkgooou]

ahh! this is sooo beautiful! 🥹🥹❤️❤️

the love you have is better spent in some other place

knowing love and accepting love are two different things.

despite the menacing title+summary, it's not all doom and gloom :)

The funny thing about Alexia Putellas is that she's the version of herself she always imagined to be when she was younger. Yet, at the same time, she's nothing like she thought she would be. 

She's as good at football as she knew she could be. All the titles one could want, she has them under her belt. There are all kinds of awards scattered around her apartment, as well as her family home in the care of her mother. Stadiums chant her name in the same way she witnessed at Camp Nou with her father's hand in hers as a young girl. The combination of her name and number is spotted on the back of nearly every Barcelona shirt around the world, treasured near and dear to millions of hearts in the same way she cherished her Xavi shirt. 

Her wildest dreams had come true when it came to her career. But in her personal life, things weren't quite the same. 

Alexia had known from a younger age than most that she would end up marrying a woman rather than a man. That she would be the best spouse she could possibly be for her own wife. And when that opportunity seemed to arise, having a partner to love who is at her side throughout everything, it came at the most inconvenient time for her.

She acknowledged that, but failed to be the greatest version of herself for the woman of her dreams. Just as she was back from her injury, after winning the most notorious trophy of them all with her country and feeling like the world was hers, it all came falling down. The timing of it was exceptionally awful.

Football wasn't quite the same for her. Something was off. Her knee felt heavy, and it was evident in the way she played. Every game, it got worse and worse. With that came the anxiety, the doubt, the shame that she wasn't who she once was. And maybe she never would be that version of herself again.

That's when you came in. A saving grace, almost. Just one day in November weeks before her arthroscopy, the last attempt to recover and reinstate her name into the sport she loved, you and all you were walked in and flicked the lights in her desolate heart back on. You were a reminder of who she could be, you gave her a reason to change her ways, and if she never returned to football again, at least you never knew that part of her. She could take the fresh opportunity with you and grow into it, without having to face the embarrassment of no longer being the dominant figure of European football.

But she couldn't change her ways. Despite the fact that she didn't have to shy away from who she was, despite the fact she recovered and the surgery was as successful as it could be, she couldn't change her ways.

If Alexia had known about the deep-rooted problems she had surrounding love, she wouldn’t have put you through those first few months of your relationship. That time of her life was a dark one, where she hated the world just as much as herself, until you came along. Like the light at the end of the tunnel, she headed towards it, but with each step she took, the light never got any closer. It stretched on, slipping between her fingertips like water. The affection you gave her was there, but she never quite accepted it for herself. And it ate her up inside, gave her even more reason to loathe what her life had become.

In no way was it your fault, she knew from the moment she left you the night of your first date that there was so much wrong with her. Instead of working on those things, she chose to be selfish. She wanted you, despite the fact she didn’t want herself, and sure, maybe it did work out in the long run. But if time travel became a thing, it wouldn’t take her longer than a second to decide to go back and change her whole approach to falling in love with you. For her, that period of time was tarnished by her internal torment, when she should have given in to the desire to fall into your arms with no second thought rather than ruminate on all the wrong-doings she had been through.

Something had to change, she had to change, to ensure that didn't happen. She just didn't know how. How does one fix something that's been broken for years? Where does she even start?

Love was something everybody chased, whether that be platonically or romantically, and it was a bizarre concept, really. Was it a universal thing, or just something that occurred in this world only? What happened on the other planets? If there is life out there, what do they chase? Love, or something else?

Alexia began to think it was the latter, and that there was something so deeply wrong with her for her to reject such a beautiful idea when it was all anybody longed for. Almost as if her problems were alien to everyone else, because even her friends and family looked at her in utter confusion when she first stated she didn’t intend to go on a second date with you. Underneath the facade, there was nothing she wanted more than to chase the love you had to offer. She needed it, like food, like water, like oxygen. Why couldn’t she accept it for herself? It was something she wasn’t able to understand, and it felt unnatural to reach out and tell you how much she enjoyed the evening with you when her skin crawled at the hands of the devil on her shoulder, spewing all kinds of hate and insecurities in her ear.

She did it anyway, and it had worked itself out eventually. That’s how she had got here, months later, laying on her sofa with your arms around her and her head on your chest, finally at a place where she could accept your love with no second thoughts. However, the guilt still ripped through her whilst you were none the wiser (or so she thought), and she wanted that to change. That filled her with fear, approaching a topic she could barely stomach thinking about, but you had stuck around all this time and if it scared you away now, she was the only one to blame that she couldn’t have relished in your love longer.

—

The first time that you noticed something might be amiss with Alexia was after the third date. You’d known each other for a number of weeks now, and spoke near enough everyday. It was hard for the footballer to find time in her schedule to fully dedicate her time to you, which is how you ended up texting each other almost all day every day. But on the fourth date, when she joined you for breakfast one morning, she walked in like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. 

Each time you had seen her, there was a look in her eye that drew the image of a dark cloud following her wherever she went, but as soon as she settled into your company, it went away. She smiled, she laughed, her eyes creased with unfiltered joy when she was with you. Yet, when it was time for you to go your separate ways, that cloud loomed again. It weighed so heavily upon her, it was almost as if you could feel it too. Still, that didn’t deter you from falling in love with her.

There was something different about her though, on that fourth date. It was hard for you to not feel a little anxious when she sat down and that cloud didn't drift away like it usually did. The thought consumed you; maybe she was growing tired of you, since you didn't seem to have the same effect on her anymore. As it turned out, that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Just as you were about to leave for work, she reached out to take your hand as you bid each other goodbye outside of the café, and she leaned down to kiss you. It wasn’t the first kiss you had shared, but for some reason it felt like the last. There were too many emotions tied into it, and instead of getting that fluttery, lovesick feeling you got when you kissed her, all you felt was dread. 

However, before you could ruminate on that thought, she saved you the anguish and pushed through the mental roadblock that tried to stop her from being honest, and told you what was on her mind. She went against her instinct and opened up, for your sake. 

“I am having surgery after Christmas. It’ll be some time before I can go on a date like this with you again and I don’t expect you to wait for me. So… I am giving you an out.”

The look in her eyes had darkened, a facade built to temporarily shield her from the pain of hearing you agree and watching as you walk down the street, out of her life. Because how could you be with someone that was putting their weakness on show? How could you want to stay with someone that’s admitting there is something wrong with them? It went deeper than just a medical procedure, this surgery, it ran so much deeper and Alexia knew that you understood that, it didn't take a genius to piece the puzzle together of what was weighing her down. That’s why she was giving you an out.

You didn’t want an out. You wanted to stay. And you would go to the ends of the earth and back to make sure Alexia knew that.

“No. I don’t want an out. I want you to let me in, to let me stay.” You told her definitively, taking a step closer and looking up at her with concern etched all over your face. If the way she leaned into the hand that rested on her cheek after that was anything to go by, you knew she was fighting tooth and nail to keep her emotions at bay. “I don’t want to go. I want you, Alexia, and all that comes with having you. And most of all, I want you to believe me when I say that.”

Everything in her body told Alexia to refute that, to shake her head and to walk away for you. She knew she couldn’t be the partner she wanted to be, with all that came with having surgery, and she adored you too much to sit there and watch you shrink into yourself as a result of her own fatalistic miserableness.

However, she went against her instincts once more, and simply nodded once as her lower lip quivered. That gave her away; her whole demeanour cracked then, as you wrapped her up in your arms and hugged her tightly. It didn’t last long, Alexia wouldn’t allow that for herself, but it was enough for you. You’d take it for now.

Even despite the confirmation from you, Alexia didn’t believe you would stay. That wasn’t a problem because of you, it was because of her. The blonde thought the world of you, but not for herself. She had been labelled the best in the world countless times, but the events of the past eighteen months had caused her to strip herself of that title. In her mind, she wasn't worthy of your time and care, you deserved better than the grumpy version of her that she would be until she heard back about her surgery results.

And to no one’s surprise, it was her insecurities that underestimated you. Because you showed up the day after her surgery with open arms and love in your heart.

Alba had somehow gotten your number whilst Alexia was in the operating room, and had formed a plan with you. The younger Putellas had heard about you very briefly from her sister over the last weeks, and though she couldn’t pull more information from her sister no matter how hard she tried, it was unfortunately a gene in the Putellas-Segura family that everyone held their true feelings in their eyes. It just didn't help that Alexia wore her heart on her sleeve too. 

Alba thought of herself as somewhat of a professional when it came to reading Alexia, and she could see it in Alexia’s eyes how much she adored you. That point was further backed up by how Alexia, under the influence of some strong pain medication, spoke about you so lovingly as tears trailed down her cheeks. She spoke quietly, because even when she wasn’t sober, her subconscious knew what a sensitive topic it was for her, despite how the doubtful voices had been silenced. 

And it was then that Alba had snuck out of the hospital room and called you, forming a plan for you to visit Alexia and inject some light back into her life as she recovered. It would be some time before the results of her arthroscopy were clear, and Alexia was anything but patient especially when it came to football. Everyone close to her knew she would be miserable, stuck at home on the couch or in bed, and there was hope that you would cheer her up.

You did. Though it took some time to extract that truth from her, you did cheer her up from the moment you walked in. Alba greeted you when you first arrived, speaking in a hushed voice for a few moments outside the front door to update you and ask how you were, before she left the two of you alone.

“Hey Ale.” You smiled, slowly making your way over to where she was sat up on the sofa with her leg resting and bandaged.

“What are you doing here?” Alexia asked in a slight grumble, though that same dreamy look in her eyes made an appearance for just a second. You caught it and instantly felt reassured by that one small notion, a little more confident.

“I thought I would come and surprise you. Cheer you up a little bit.” You told her, sitting down beside her but being mindful of leaving a space so as to not overload her.

“But it is Christmas. You should be with your family.” You just shook your head at that. 

“The woman I'm falling in love with just had surgery. I wanted to come and check on her.” A glimpse of a smile appeared then as you shuffled closer and gently took one of her hands. 

“Falling in love, huh?” Alexia teased after a quiet moment with a smirk, dropping your joined hands into your lap and squeezing yours.

“You're not? I think you would be leading me on then.” You grinned shyly, giggling as she rolled her eyes and tutted.

“I… I am. You do not need to worry about that.”

You could live off of that admission forever. The little moments like that, the small gestures, you quickly learnt that they were how she showed her adoration. That was her being vulnerable, as much as she could, and you could handle that then. When some might have been deterred by it, you gave her a chance. You had a near infinite amount of patience for this woman, because she deserved the world and more. Your goal was to help her understand that. 

She had her reasons for having her walls so high, for struggling to let people in, but you had gotten this far already and you'd be foolish to give up on her.

During that day, you were able to identify something about Alexia. And as the hours went on, it only became clearer and clearer. Even though she was the one hurting, mentally and physically, she would only have it so that she was the one holding you. If you tried to reverse the positions, she didn't let it happen. She would wordlessly reject the idea and carefully move you back to how you were, with no explanation. No matter how many times you tried, she just didn't let it happen.

Even when you tried to make dinner for her, she urged you to sit back down as she tried getting up and cooking instead. That was your final straw. You had patience, sure, but you weren't perfect.

“Alexia, let me take care of you, okay? Let me help, let me be there for you. I'm not above begging, so just let me be a good partner, please?” You sighed in exasperation. A flash of hurt consumed her eyes, but like always, she disguised it in an instant. But it struck your heart like a dagger, knowing you had accidentally targeted her most insecure spot. You couldn't tell if she realised it came from a place of love or not.

“Sorry. I'm sorry.” The blonde muttered under her breath before clearing her throat, her eyes dropped to her hands on her lap. 

Exactly what you were trying to stop, you had made worse.

“Ale.” You murmured softly, placing both hands on her face to get her to look at you. Yet, she still found a way to keep her eyes averted. “Ale, look at me.”

“Do not apologise. You don’t need to.” One of her hands came up to rest on your forearm as her voice cracked and trembled. She sounded so dejected, it tore your heart in two. “I am difficult, I know that. So please… do not apologise. I do not deserve it.”

“What?” You whispered uncertainly, taking a moment to process what she had said. When it clicked, you frowned as you stroked your thumbs over the lines of her cheekbones. “Why would you say that?”

“The way I am, it… it is making you doubt what a good partner you are. But you’re not good, you’re the best I could ask for. And I am pushing you away.” Alexia fretted so quietly her words were almost intelligible. Key word almost.

“No, you are not pushing me away. I am right here, aren’t I? I told you, I’m here to stay.” You paused for a second, a silent moment that caused Alexia’s anxiety to spike. Your next words didn’t exactly help either. “I’m going to ask you a question, okay? Let me ask you something.”

“Okay.” Alexia nodded dutifully, hoping you didn’t see the nervous gulp that followed.

“I want to be your girlfriend. Will you let me be your girlfriend?” 

You gazed at her, eyes full of hope that this would be the moment she let you in. It wouldn't be smooth-sailing from here, you were more than aware of that, but this could be the start of something that would improve both your lives for the better. The start of a life together that could make you better people. 

“Sí. Sí, quiero que seas mi novia. I would love nothing more.” Her reaction was better than you could have wished for.

In an instant, she melted into you; her forehead dropped against yours and tension you didn't even know was there in the first place left her shoulders. You offered your arms out and she leaned forward into you with no second thought. You hoped that was a sign of things to come.

As you expected, though, it wasn’t always that simple. Some days, she was still distant. Not in her affection or attitude, it was just that she was stuck in her own mind more often than you had expected.. Being able to spend more time with her as her girlfriend meant you came to spot the signs, and despite the fact that you didn’t yet live together, things were even more noticeable than before.

Like, for example, when she was especially struggling, but she tried with all her might to hide it. Sometimes, when she was going through a tough week, you could see in her eyes of course the turmoil that dragged her down more everyday. It wasn’t all doom and gloom, there were countless occasions where she was smiling up into her eyes and the two of you were happy together, but for the footballer, joy wasn’t a permanent thing. It wasn’t her average mood. 

Her physical fitness could take her up the highest mountains, but over the years her mental stamina had been stamped on, it had reached its limits, and it couldn't quite break out of the confines of her insecurities. They had no boundaries, they showed up when they wanted and silently tore through her. Those eyes you adored, more often than not, were weighed down by burdens that you probably didn’t even know half the truth about. 

There was one evening, a while after her surgery when she was flying through rehab, that everything reached its peak for her. You decided to surprise her by being at her flat when she got home one day that week – what you were met with was far worse than you could have predicted. 

Your excitement at the sound of the door opening and shutting was swiftly replaced by overwhelming concern at the sound of sniffles that followed. You left the kitchen where you had just ordered Alexia’s favourite takeaway and headed in the direction of your girlfriend’s footsteps that went straight towards the bedroom. Seemingly she hadn't heard you, a curiosity instantly proven true by the sounds of choked cries coming from the figure that was slumped over, her fists leaning on the bed as her chin was to her chest whilst she cried.

Not for a second did you hesitate rushing over, coming to stand by her side and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She startled, unsurprisingly, and moved to hastily wipe the tears away in an attempt to mask the emotions coursing through her nervous system at that moment in time. It was too late, she knew that, but it didn’t stop her.

“Q-qué haces aquí?” Alexia asked, her voice stuttering and shaking as she spoke. Your arm stayed around her, your other hand wiping her tears with a tenderness too soft for her, she thought. “No, por favor.”

“Ale, talk to me. What’s the matter? Please let me in, please don’t shut me out when you’re like this.” The pleas fell from your mouth before you could properly think of what you were saying. It wasn’t the best thing to say, adding guilt to the list of things she was struggling with wasn’t your smartest idea.

“I can’t do this, amor.” 

The statement shocked you, the ease of which it left her mouth was unusual. But the shock wore off quick, making way for the worry that sprung to your mind because that short sentence was enough to signify just how terribly she was feeling.

Her voice was uncomfortably rough as she spoke too, despite her only saying five words, you could tell that she had spent the drive home forcing back her cries. It takes a lot of energy to break down and release everything in sharp sobs, but it takes even more to hold back all that emotion. Forcing back tears hurt, and it wasn’t a surprise that her voice was hoarse and hardly there at all. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” You weren’t sure if something specific had happened that day or if this was a build-up of everything, but no matter what it was, you urged her into a tight hug, ensuring she was engulfed in the love you held for her. “You will be okay, Ale, I promise.” 

It took some time for her to calm down enough to talk, but whilst she did, you moved the pair of you onto the bed so you could hold her properly. She didn’t even put up a fight when you urged her to lay on top of you, your arms wrapped securely around her back as she hid her face in your neck. All she did was cry out the mass of emotions that were consuming her, and you just prayed that being there for her as she did so was enough to ease it, even if it was only a miniscule amount. 

Feeling concerned for her wasn’t a new experience for you – feeling downright devastated and grief-stricken for the woman sobbing in your arms was new. Never before had you seen her like this, and it scared you to death. All the possibilities that could be making her feel like this seemed insurmountable, like they were too big a challenge to tackle.

That didn’t matter to you. You would try for her, always.

“Do you feel like you could try to talk to me? Getting some of it off your chest might help.” You said softly, one of your hands slipping under her shirt to trail your fingertips up and down her back, something you knew soothed her. She gave a minute nod, which you felt more than you saw, and it gave you a brief feeling of relief. “Okay. In your own time, Ale.”

A few quiet minutes passed by, the footballer on top of you allowing herself some time to relish in the infrequent position she found herself in. She loved it. And it only gave the insecure voice in her head more ammunition to use against her; why can’t she allow her girlfriend to do this? She can never bring herself to accept it, but the day’s exertion had battered her defiance and left a hollow shell of her persona. If she looked in a mirror, she would probably be unrecognisable to herself. 

Sometimes, in her weakest moments, she thought you were better off without her. Better off not being dragged down by her miserable nature. You, the definition of beauty and light, with someone that exudes negativity and weakness. Someone that is the embodiment of imperfection with a person that is priceless. It didn’t make sense to her still, she wasn't sure it ever would.

“Every… everything is just so hard.” She spoke, letting out a shaky breath into the skin of your neck. You hummed sympathetically, giving her the space to elaborate whilst acknowledging what she had said. “Rehab is so tiring and I do not know why. I am not being given the space I need by the team to recover, they still expect so much from me and there is so much pressure. People online, the media and the fans, are talking about me a lot more than usual, which I do not understand because I am not even on the pitch. Some things that are being said are bad. And… I think I am not what you need, or deserve.”

Her face stayed hidden in your neck whilst she spoke, and you let her do that. Being vulnerable and open like that was hard, you didn’t underestimate that, and you would take it in any form because it was progress. You weren’t happy with what she had said because it broke your heart, but it was the first step of her opening herself up to help.

“Alexia, it is okay to feel overwhelmed. That sounds a lot like what you are feeling right now.” You started, your hand still slowly trailing up and down her back. “I’m so glad you told me, but I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. There’s things that can be put in place to help you.”

You plant the seed, subtly, that she can get help. But really, all you can focus on is the fact they are all things you can help with. With the majority of her admission, they are things that can be changed to lessen the load of her newfound daily life after her second surgery. The last part, you know you can help with indefinitely. It won’t be quick, nor will it be easy, but reminding her of how much you value her is something you planned to do for the rest of your life anyway. Perhaps you just had to do it a bit more than you initially thought.

“You can talk to the team, tell them exactly what you need. They’re sensible, you know that, they’ll do whatever you need them to do. You just need to have the bravery to ask for help, which is a difficult step in itself, but I know you can do it. You’ve told me what’s on your mind and that’s something I’m not taking for granted because I understand it doesn’t come easy to you, and for that I’m so proud of you. So proud. And if you want me to help you come up with a plan of what you need or what you will say to the club, I can help you with that.” 

“You will help me?” She murmured, lifting her head up to look down at you with red, tired eyes and tear streaks down her cheeks. You smiled up at her and nodded, unwinding an arm from around her to brush the damp tracks away.

“With anything. Anything at all, I promise.” You told her, hoping the mixture of your words and the sincerity in your voice conveyed all that you wanted her to understand. “I also think you would benefit from a break from social media and most things online. Why don’t you ask someone on your team to run your accounts for you for a little while? Or ask your agent to hire someone to do that? I think it will be good to step away from that so you can focus on the important things.”

“I have thought about it before.” Alexia revealed a moment later. “I will do that. I should have done it a long time ago. I am thinking about going to see the psychologist for some… help. I will book a session with her tomorrow.”

She seemed to be doing better than she was when you first walked in on her. Her voice wasn’t so rough, it no longer sounded like it was taking every ounce of energy to get her words out, and her breathing was a lot more even than it was a few minutes beforehand. Accepting help didn’t seem so terrifying when the words were coming out of your mouth.

Where before, she was deterred by the idea of reaching out, too focused on her shame to find a way out of her turmoil, now she didn’t feel so scared by it. For so long, the world seemed like a tunnel with no end, but now there’s a crack, however small, giving her a glimpse of what life she could live without being restricted by her burdens. The idea that help is available felt foreign to her, and though she might still be uncertain about the path that had been offered to her, in your arms comforted by the thought of having someone to guide her down it, she found that she could breathe a little easier. There’s a sense of possibility, of no longer having to walk alone.

Hope was beginning to brew inside of her, and she felt compelled to reach out and grasp it with both hands. There was a quiet flicker of warmth that took the place of the cold numbness that once lived on inside her. Neither of you had all the answers in that moment, change doesn’t happen overnight and you both know that, and because of that there is a delicate balance of fear and relief that settled between you. 

It’s the first time since Alexia can remember that she felt like maybe things could change for the better.

“Good. Both those things will be so good for you. I’m so proud of you.” You said, turning to kiss her forehead. 

“It’s not up to you to decide what I need or deserve. I do need you, and I do deserve you. You’re the only one I could ever want, now that I’ve met you I know I could never be with anyone else again. You are struggling, and that’s okay. I’ll be here at your lowest, I’ll be here at your highest, and I know you would do the same for me. You know I love you, right?” 

At your declaration, especially the last part which she had heard a few times now, her heart clenched as she squeezed her eyes shut. She wanted to sob again, but out of pure happiness, because regardless of how many times you would say it to her over your lives, it would still be the most important statement to her. Hearing it at that very moment was so important.

“I do. I really do, amor. I just… sometimes I do not understand why.”

You pursed your lips at her response, wondering why the world had to treat her so poorly that her self-worth had been reduced to something so unimportant to her. You know for a fact there’s probably millions of people out there that idolise her, think of her as a hero, the perfect role model, but you also know that the insecurities she had weren’t on Alexia Putellas’ behalf. They were on Ale’s behalf. There were two versions of her, and the powerful woman that adorned the armband day-in and day-out for the club she’s committed her life to wasn’t the one combatting all these issues. It was just Ale, your girlfriend, her mother’s daughter, her sister’s older sibling, her aunt and uncle's niece, the ever-reliant and trustworthy companion of her friends. 

Alexia knew that, and you did too. You couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult that must be to juggle for Alexia, leading two extraordinarily different lives in one lifetime. You hope, with the right help, she can learn to allow them to co-exist together and not be so far away from each other. She had expressed similar thoughts to you before, how difficult she finds it switching between the two everyday, though you knew she probably hadn’t even scratched the surface about how much it affected her. 

You were content with not being fully clued in, because there were some things that people preferred to keep private, and for Alexia one of those things was her thoughts. Your mission was to help her deal with those healthily, unlike how she had for the past god knows how long. Whatever worked for her, worked for you.

“You don’t need to worry about that. I’m secure in my love for you, and that’s enough. I know you love me too. That’s all we need.” 

After that day, it was as if a switch had been flicked. There was a distinct difference in her, in all aspects of her life, and she seemed truly happy. You had come to understand that you couldn’t wholly fix her, especially not just with words. All you could do was love her, which you would do for as long as she would let you.

So you met her defiance with kindness, her feigned confidence with support, and her insecurities with reassurance. And slowly, you began to see the progress in her. Truthfully, it might be one of the most beautiful things you'd ever had the privilege to witness. Allowing yourself to feel every ounce of your joy made it easier for Alexia to grow and settle into that prospect of living too. 

Not only did the counselling help her mental health, it made her better at communication, understanding, and just about every other thing that you didn’t even think needed improving in the first place. Each day, you adored her more and more. It takes a lot to accept help, but it’s an entirely different thing to wake up every morning and get out of bed, knowing what lies ahead was unexplainably difficult to overcome but facing it head on anyway.

However, the biggest evident difference came when she was cleared to play football again. With each milestone, came a newer, happier version. First it was being substituted on, stepping foot in a game after months of waiting, and straight after, it was her first goal back. The rain couldn’t dampen her spirits that day, nothing could, because thought past-Alexia would be disappointed with how scrappy the goal was, the new version of her was just happy to have a ball at her feet and making a difference for her team. Maybe past-Alexia would be angry with that fact too, at how overjoyed she was with a goal like that, but she didn’t dwell on that for too long. She was trying to change and she was making better progress than she could have dreamed of, she wasn’t going to stop that.

Her hard work was clear to see in the ache in her cheeks from the amount of time she spent smiling, something she didn’t even realise she had missed. Months down the line and she was in the best place mentally than she had been all her life. With that realisation, came the understanding that sometimes things have to fall down before they can be rebuilt again. She had that moment where she broke, in your arms, and since then she had rebuilt her life. The bad goes in hand with the good, and the highs are undoubtedly worth the lows. 

Though, she still wasn’t perfect, no matter how badly that irritated her. Every part of her had improved, apart from the one thing she did it all for. It did happen less often, but she still doubted her capabilities as a girlfriend. She still worried she wasn’t good enough for you. The cloudy days of anxiety were nowhere near as frequent as they used to be, but they didn’t magically stop. That was still something she had to come to terms with.

—

A particularly harsh bout of anxiety hit one day, something that filled her unease because she thought these kinds of days weren’t supposed to happen anymore. Yet, here she was, lay in your arms as the toxic cycle of doubt circled endlessly in her mind. She tried, with all her might, to shove the thoughts to the side, to rebuke them and not let them ruin her evening, but they came thick and fast and there was simply no stopping them. 

Something her psychologist had told her was that sometimes she just has to sit and let those feelings be. Thinking about how much she loathed them wouldn’t help, that would probably just make them worse. And taking the doubts and fuelling them by ruminating wouldn’t help either. But sitting there and letting them consume her as she did nothing to stop didn’t feel useful. So she let them come, and she took each knot of insecurity and made them bigger.

Nearly every moment of the last few months was tainted by the regret she felt. She really would give anything, she'd sacrifice it all, to go back and show her affection and appreciation more. From the moment she saw you, she knew you were special. She felt like she did a terrible job to show that, to the point where she wondered how she even found herself here right now with you. 

Alexia had never really experienced impostor syndrome before, and she wasn't exactly sure that was the right term for the cloud of anxiety she was experiencing. She didn't doubt her love for you, in fact she was sure she had never loved a human as much as she loved you. It's just that, even after all this time, she still didn't think she deserved to be on the receiving end of such an idyllic thing, especially at your hands.

Her biggest fear, after all this time still, was losing you. Out of all the emotions that she had experienced in the past months, there was one that reigned superior throughout: disappointment.

Disappointment that was aimed entirely at herself. Disappointment that had so many things tied into it, she could hardly keep up. Guilt, shame, embarrassment, when she dumbed it down it all led to that same disappointment she just couldn’t get rid of. 

She knows where she’s gone wrong all this time, she sort of knows why now thanks to her psychologist, but she has no idea how to stop that pattern of thinking, that she doesn’t deserve you. And because of that, a certain feeling of distaste for herself had grown over time, and it sat nestled in the back of her mind. It’s there, always, and it’s not afraid to make itself known. In the most unsuspecting moments, it comes seeping through the cracks of her mind, weaving its way into each and every aspect of her life, whether that be her memories or the present. Another fear of hers was that this disdain wouldn’t ever leave, even with hours spent in counselling and working on herself.

Like now. Even when she’s in your embrace, all she could think about is the guilt she had harboured for so long now, that at this point it felt like a tumour she had ignored for too long, one that had grown so big that it was now impossible to remove without causing more damage than good.

“Ale? You okay?” Your voice brought her back into the room, adding another crack to the fragile glass box Alexia kept her thoughts inside. The blonde felt like that box could shatter again anytime soon, and that would mean all of them could come spilling straight out. And that would be the end of it all, for good this time. Not like the other occasion where you welcomed her with open arms. Surely you would finally recognise you were sick of her when she inevitably falls apart once more.

“Hm? Sí, bien.” She smiled, a tight-lipped one that didn't even come close to reaching her eyes. 

You knew what that was a sign of.

“Ale.” You said softly, hoping you didn’t have to fight her for her to admit there was something wrong.

“I’m okay, mi amor. I’m just going to go to the bathroom, I will be back soon.” She rose to her arms, surging forward to leave a kiss to your lips before you could protest. Then, she was gone, rounding the corner of the lounge into the apartment corridor, leaving you confused.

Five minutes passed by and you let her be, giving her her privacy. But then five minutes turned to ten, and ten to fifteen, and you couldn’t hold off any longer. Just as you expected, when you passed the main bathroom, the door was open and the light was off. It was then, when you looked to your left, you saw Alexia through the crack left by the ajar bedroom door, sat on the edge of the bed facing away. Her shoulders were slightly slumped, her elbows were on her knees, and she was looking out of the window across from her. The only positive was that you couldn’t hear sniffling coming from her this time.

The door creaked as you lightly pushed it open, but the blonde didn’t acknowledge it. At that, you stepped in and kneeled on the bed, making your way to sit behind Alexia and wrap your arms around her as your legs fell either side of hers whilst your cheek came to rest in between her shoulders.

Neither of you spoke; you didn’t want to pressure her into speaking just yet, and Alexia was building up the courage to finally get the last plaguing insecurity off her chest. It’s late evening, the sun growing ever-closer to the horizon, and the only light in the room was the orange haze of the sky, softening every feature of your girlfriend’s face with a golden touch. The light added to her vulnerability, acting as a lamp that displayed the most beautiful artwork you could imagine in a gallery. 

For some time, there’s no movement within the room. Alexia doesn’t tear her eyes away from the sunset before her, though the look that’s embedded in the hazel and amber there is distant, lost in a maze of her own mind that she desperately tried to escape from so she could give you the answers you’re hoping for. The only movement you make is the sporadic kisses you dot over her back, as well as the soft, comforting movements of your thumb over her ribs where your hands sit. 

The silence was weighted, though not with awkwardness or impatience, but with understanding – a silent invitation to speak without any pressure or expectations. In the quiet space you've provided, no words are needed, only the steady warmth of your body against hers that offers a subtle, grounding reminder that Alexia is not alone, and she never will be. You would always be there to give that to her.

“I love you.” Alexia broke the silence but not the bubble of serenity, producing a sentence that was far more layered than anyone outside of this room would ever understand.

“I know.” You reminded her, hugging her tighter back against you.

“I wish I could go back and redo it all.” She stated, a heaviness to it that had you smiling sadly.

“Redo what?”

“Our relationship.” The footballer didn’t miss the way you tensed ever so slightly, nor did she miss how you lifted your head up from its place on her back. “I am so happy I met you. I feel so lucky that you love me, that you chose me, even when I have been a mess. I would only change how I acted, because I feel like I have not properly shown you how much I love you. How special you are. I wish you had got the love you deserved rather than the coldness I showed because… I don’t think I have been a very good partner to you.”

Some time ago, you had guessed this was a part of Alexia’s anxiety, and that point had been proven when she admitted a few months back that she felt you deserved better. But you didn’t know that it troubled her to this extent. She believed the doubtful voice in the back of her mind so much that she truly thought she wasn’t worthy enough of this relationship. That killed you, because she had been nothing but perfect, despite her personal struggles, from the moment you met her.

“You were not cold, Alexia.” You started, kissing the back of her neck before continuing. “You were the opposite. You were warm and kind-hearted. You were compassionate and honest. I look back on those days so fondly because of how you made me feel. From the very first date, you allowed me to be myself and that was something that meant so much to me. And since then, you still surprise me all the time with how amazing you are. To put it simply, Ale, I wouldn't be here if you were cold or a bad partner. There is nobody else for me, it's only you and it'll always be you.”

Maybe this was the one inadequacy you could fix with your words. 

“You really think of me like that?” Alexia asked in a sheepish whisper, turning her head slightly to look at you over her shoulder. You smiled brightly, nodded, and shuffled to sit beside her. One hand came up to rest on her cheek as you leaned forward and kissed her, soft and tentative, to convey all you could never find the words to tell her.

“I do think of you like that.” You whispered against her lips, foreheads together as your thumb lightly brushed over her lower lip. “And I hope one day you can look back and not see your flaws, but instead see the woman I fell in love with.”

She nodded because quite frankly she was speechless. And then there were tears filling her eyes that neither of you expected, which had you moving again as you slotted yourself into her lap. Her head fell to your chest, pulling you against her in a tight embrace. Your arms came around her neck, one laying across her shoulders and the other resting on the back of her head. 

Your words slowly began to sunk in, finally, which was a weirdly cathartic feeling for Alexia. She wasn't sure why it was this specific moment that something snapped inside of her, but it did. What was once a topic that consumed her, took over her every thought and switched it with a venomous onslaught of overthinking. 

All along, Alexia had no idea just how deep your understanding ran about her insecurity with the love she has to offer. She thought you weren't aware of the guilt she felt and the struggles she experienced, but you were. That, and more. She could never repay you for that. All she could do was love you for a lifetime and hope that was enough.

Half a year ago, you were just two people getting to know each other. You liked her and she liked you. You looked into each other’s eyes and saw a future together. Then, you both took that hope, nurtured it, and made a life for yourselves, together. 

To anyone on the outside, this wouldn't seem like such a huge milestone. But to you and Alexia, this was a major turning point, for the better. Something like this wasn't expected when you first met, but that's the thing about love, isn't it? Nothing good comes easy, a part of life that Alexia had come to accept. Because it was so, so worth it in the end.

—

this fic was a little different but i hope it was good. first one that i have posted in the midst of my writing anxiety so i may or may not be terrified of posting this but well it's out now anyway. hope you enjoyed it <3

[ginkgooou]

*pterodactyl sounds in the distance*

[ginkgooou]

Stina blackstenius smut? (Top/dom Stina?)

added it to my list!

it might take me a little while, though, since i'm not that used to writing smut. 😅

[ginkgooou]

i really liked you’re latest fic :) alexia is so blushy and so cute making her friends practice with her to impress R 🥹 love the dynamic of R loosening up alexia and gently bullying her into breaking routine and having fun 🥰

aww, thank you so much! 🩷

the fic was already finished, when i got the idea for that scene, so i rewrote it. and i thought it would be funny if she did it with mapi. 😅

i just feel like alexia would be someone who sticks to her routines, so i tried to write R as the more spontaneous one, making alexia try new things with her.

[ginkgooou]

did you know that alexia did in fact used to be a dancer (well sort of)

https://x.com/alexiamotheroff/status/1787481884680749315?s=46

part of me was like wait.. is the twist of this fic going to be alexia is a suspiciously good dancer because she used to dance as a teenager and is too embarrassed to tell R hahaha 😭😭

yes! i've seen the video.

i actually wrote it into the fic at first, but i wasn't happy with how it turned out, so i ended up removing it.

i also wonder how much she'd still remember; it's been a few years now! 😅 i also danced for a few years when i was younger and aside from the basics, i remember very little.

[ginkgooou]

Free Kick | Alexia Putellas x Reader

synopsis: you help alexia practice her free kicks

warnings: none

wc: 2.3k words

The sun hung low, casting a warm, golden hue over the pitch. The air was filled with the strong smell of freshly cut grass, the aroma so strong it nearly stung your nose but you were used to it. The goal stood lone— silent and imposing— the net hanging still. 

You cast your eyes over to your girlfriend in her natural habitat. You still weren’t used to seeing this side to her. Alexia Putellas, the footballer. La Reina. Champions League Champion, Balloon d’Or winner, the list goes on. But to you, she was just Alexia. The woman you kissed goodnight, and woke up beside the next morning. The woman who would stop in the middle of the street to bend down and tie your shoelaces for you. The same woman, who after a long day of practice, would never forget to stop by your favourite bakery to bring you a box of freshly made Ensaimadas. 

So seeing this side of her still stunned you sometimes. You watched as the Barcelona captain stepped back a few paces, her bright orange cleats pressing lightly into the grass. She rolled her shoulders back, shaking off any tension, and stared straight at the goal. She once told you that whenever she was practicing her free kicks, she would picture an imaginary wall of defenders– never letting herself work with an empty net. She would tell you that in real matches, players rarely get a shot at a free net so they should not get used to training with one. 

With a nod to herself and a quick deep breath, you watched on as she began her run-up. Her steps were measured and deliberate, graceful and agile. As she reached the spot, her non-kicking foot planted firmly on the turf, she swung her right leg in a powerful arc. The impact was solid, a satisfying thud that sent the ball soaring over the space in place of defenders. Hazel eyes followed its flight, watching as it curved gracefully, spinning toward the top corner of the net. The ball brushed the inside of the post and hit the back of the netting with a satisfying swish. You could imagine how addicting it must be as a football player, seeing your shots kiss the back of the net– like a sort of dopamine release every time they score goals. 

It was a good goal, impressive even, but your girlfriend was far from done. 

You’ve been sitting there for some time. For a while, you were content to fiddle with your phone. However, it’s been close to two hours and your girlfriend did not look like she was finished any time soon. You were, quite frankly, getting bored. Standing up and dusting yourself off of any remnants of turf, you walk towards where the midfielder was chugging a bottle of water. 

“Hey baby,” You hand her a towel, noticing just how sweaty she was up close. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, a few loose strands sticking against her damp forehead. Her tan skin shiny with perspiration, glistening under the bright sun. Her cheeks flushed red, droplets of sweat ran down her temples. 

But she gives you a sweet smile anyway. 

“Todo bien?” Alexia asks you as she accepts the towel, one hand coming up to squeeze your hip in thanks.

You hum in reply, taking the time to admire her while she’s preoccupied with the towel. “Pero soy aburrido” 

Alexia laughs lightly, the towel over her mouth. She’s been teaching you little bits of Spanish and you’ve been picking up on it fairly well— most of the time. She has the sudden urge to love on you. Her hand comes up to squeeze your cheeks together until your lips form a pout. She kisses your lips once, and then again, her lips curved up against yours. 

“estoy aburrido, amour”, She corrects gently, looking at you with warm, affectionate eyes. You love the way her eyes light up every time you put your Spanish learning to use. 

“Ahh si. Estoy aburrido” 

You don’t notice the way she observes you quietly as you mumble the Spanish word a few more times to yourself. That familiar concentrated expression on your face, the scrunch of your eyebrows and the slight tilt of your head, as if you’re trying to tuck away the new word in your brain for later. Alexia loves that you are so eager to learn her language. It’s just one of the many, many things she loves about you. 

“Hace mucho calor. You can wait inside if it’s too hot here…”

You shake your head. “The sun is setting soon and besides– maybe I can help you train again?”

Alexia smirks knowing exactly what happened the last time you helped her with her free kicks. But maybe “helped” wasn’t the right word. You didn’t really do much– all you had to do is gather the balls, kick them to her, and gather them again. You would argue your presence was Alexia’s good luck charm, and she probably wouldn’t refute that.

“Vale. How many?”

“Hm,” You tap your finger against you chin, looking deep in thought. Alexia watches you with a small smile on her face, but the smile vanishes the next moment. “score ten and I’ll give you a kiss.”

“joder. Ten?! The last time we did this you only asked for five,” Alexia starts, but you were already walking away and gathering a few balls, taking your position to the side of the goal. 

“Yeah, well I want ten today.” 

Your girlfriend rolls her eyes as walks to take her place by the free kick line– but not before muttering “do you even know how to say ten in Spanish?” under her breath.

She probably didn’t mean for you to hear it, but you did, so you answer her anyway. “Diez.”

Alexia shoots you a look, unimpressed by your sass, but she doesn't try to fight the smile threatening her lips. You flash her a bright smile of your own and signal to her that you were about to start passing her the ball.  

"Vale. Let's start," Positioning a ball by your feet, you wait until she gives you a thumbs up before kicking the ball towards her. She receives it easily; lightly tapping the ball with the outside of her boot, letting it bounce high, before sending it rocketing towards the net.

Alexia turns her head to look at you, one eyebrow raised, a corner of her lips turned up slightly. A quiet victory. She was taunting you almost, an air of confidence in her stance. She was going to score 10 free kicks, and she was going to get that kiss.

1

“See, easy. No idea why you were whining about scoring 10” You clap, pointing at the ball in the net, with another ball posed by your feet.

“I do not whine,” She calls out to you, a slight whine in her tone ironically. “Hurry— I want my kiss”

Being the girlfriend of a footballer meant you were familiar with the basics, thanks to the countless amount of times your girlfriend would beg you to join her for a kick around the park. Memories of her nagging you about your foot placement and techniques ring around in your head as you pass her the next ball.

She scores that one too.

2

Alexia received the next ball from your pass easily, nudging it slightly to the left this time with her foot. She was varying her technique, making small changes to make sure she was ready for whatever position the ball would be coming from. Whenever you would ask about why she would repeat the same drill over and over again, she would tell you that she needed to be versatile, unpredictable. You kick the next ball.

3

The midfielder repeated the same process, focusing on differenting her technique—sometimes curling the ball with the inside of her foot, other times going for a powerful, straight shot. 

Swish 

You kick another ball towards her, using the inside of your foot just like she taught you. 

4

“I’m quite good at this,” You raise your voice slightly from your spot, shielding your eyes from the blazing sun. The wind picks up slightly, the breeze lifting the stray strands of your hair.

It was quiet but you catch it-- your girlfriend's non-committal hum in reply. Her focus right now was solely on the ball. She kicks and this time the ball rocketed off the inside of her right foot. It arched gracefully mid-flight, dipping just in time to kiss the underside of the crossbar before nestling into the back of the net.

5

“I’m a great– what do you call it again– rebounder!” You gleefully kick the next ball towards her. You don’t mean to disrupt her concentration, but you were a yapper by nature.

6

Luckily your girlfriend has enough focus for the both of you.

Alexia signals to you that she’s ready for another ball, her focus on perfecting her technique unwavering, but seems willing enough to entertain your ramblings. “That’s basketball, mi amour. All you’re doing is passing me the ball”

7 

You huff, rolling your eyes. Leave it up to your girlfriend to concern herself about the semantics. “…well, I’m a great passer then”

When you don’t hear a reply you turn your eyes to her, but she is already looking at you. The ball you had just kicked over to her now sitting still beneath her boot. You raise a hand up, shielding your eyes from the glaring sun, squinting at her. She has that soft look on her face, a familiar one that she reserved only for you. She looks at you for a moment, the corners of her lips turned up slightly at the ends, head tilted slightly to the side. Nursing her bottom lip underneath her teeth, she looks as if she is trying to stop herself from saying something. Like a child with a secret they are close to bursting to share. 

“What?” You raise you voice slightly so she can hear you over the distance. 

She raises her head, hazel eyes locked on yours, her smile warm and familiar. “Nada. I just love you.”

“Oh.” 

The words send a wave of warmth through your entire body. Your cheeks flush, and you can feel the corners of your lips stretching into a shy smile. You look down at your old, worn converse shoes. It's these little moments that always catch you off guard, that make you feel like you’re experiencing love for the first time. You once thought love was fleeting, that it comes and goes, but since meeting Alexia you discovered that love was steady– it was constant. But it was also easy. Falling in love with her was the easiest thing you have ever done. Even after a year of dating the Barcelona captain, those words still make your heart swell with a familiar warmth. Those three words have become a daily affirmation, a constant in your life that has never lost its significance. After all this time, hearing "I love you" still makes your chest tighten, but in a way where you can breath easier. It’s not just a declaration anymore; it’s a quiet, steady truth.

“Oh? Que oh” The spaniard raises a perfect eyebrow at you, her tone light and teasing. “I tell you I love you and all you can say is “oh?”

You huff audibly, rolling your eyes at her. You run your hand through your hair, trying to brush away the embarrassment. “You’re only at 7 so far. Apúrate! Or else no kiss”

Alexia shakes her head but goes back to position. She toes the ball carefully, aligning it with the spot where she wanted to take her shot. She kicks.

8

Alexia turns to you, a grin settled on her mouth. She cups her hands around her mouth and shouts. “I’m getting that kiss, amour!” 

You kick another ball towards her, trying to hide the growing smile on your face. This playful side to her was exclusive only to you, a side of her that she kept separate from the footballer persona.

9 

When you kick the final ball towards her, you were panting slightly. But seeing your girlfriend launch the ball into the net was worth the unplanned exercise.

10

The net rippled, shaking with the impact as you watched the ball settle behind the line, your lips break out into a a smile and you excitedly turn to look at Alexia, but she was already making her way towards you.

She moved towards you with deliberate slowness, the soft thump of her boots pressing into the grass was the only sound you could hear. Your pulse quickened, every inch closer making you more aware of the way her eyes never left yours— her hazel eyes darker than usual.

You stood rooted, hands clenching and unclenching by your sides, watching her approach. There was a haughtiness in her demeanour as she moved towards you. Her chest rose and fell slightly, but her focus is unwavering. The space between the two of you shrank until she was just inches away, close enough to feel the warmth of her body, but still holding back.

She stopped in front of you, breath hitching, her lips parted, hazel eyes flicking down to your mouth. You feel her finger slip into the band of your sweatpants, tugging you into her so that there is barely any space between the two of you. Her other hand grips your chin, nudging it upwards until her your breath mingles with hers. She leans in, daring you. "Now give me my kiss, amour."

Without waiting a moment longer, you stand on your tiptoes and close the gap, your hands coming up to cradle her face as your lips crashed into hers.

The kiss was fierce, almost desperate. Her hands slid into your hair as your fingers gripped her red and blue training top. You pull her, moulding your body into hers, completely, wholly, lost in the kiss.

You break away slightly, your eyes inadvertently falling to her bottom lip that was now red and swollen from your kiss. You bite your own lip, loving the slightly dazed look in her eyes. Leaning back into her, you whisper "You better score the next free kick you take" into her smiling lips.

this was inspried by alexia's free kick vs nigeria. hope this was worth the wait <3

・❥・- kisses, butter

[ginkgooou]

Crossing the lines (part 3)

Ingrid Engen x Putellas!reader

Alexia Putellas x sister!reader

Word count:3,7k

Warning: angst,ankle injury.

Part 1 , Part 2

“Qué coño está pasando aqui?!” (What the fuck is happening here)

Your eyes flew open at the familiar voice of your sister.

You and Ingrid sat up quickly, your hearts racing, as you both turned to face Alexia, standing at the end of the bed, looking absolutely livid. Her eyes burned with fury as they fixated on Ingrid.

“¿Alexia? ¿Qué haces aquí?” you asked, your voice laced with confusion. You were still groggy from sleep, struggling to grasp the situation. (Alexia? What are you doing here?)

“No importa lo que estoy haciendo aquí!” she snapped, her voice dripping with anger. (It doesn't matter what I'm doing here!)

“¿Puedes decirme por qué coño Ingrid está acostada a tu lado?!” she yelled, her hand dramatically gesturing toward Ingrid, as though the sight of her was an offense in itself. (Can you tell me why the hell Ingrid is lying next to you?!)

“I—” you began, but before you could form a proper response, Alba burst into the room.

“Alexia, ¿por qué estás gritando?”Alba demanded, her face clouded with concern. (Alexia, why are you screaming?)

But when her gaze fell upon you and Ingrid, her eyes widened in shock. “Oh…” was all she managed, her mouth hanging open.

“What are you doing in bed with my little sister?!”Alexia barked, now switching to English, her tone even sharper as she directed her accusation straight at Ingrid.

“Alexia, por favor sal de mi habitación. Déjanos despertarnos bien y te explicaremos todo.” you told her, frustration building in your voice as her anger started rubbing off on you. (Alexia, please get out of my room. Let us wake up properly, and we’ll explain everything)

“¡No! ¡Quiero saber todo ahora mismo!” she shot back, the vein in her neck bulging with every word, her whole body tense and on the edge of exploding. (No! I want to know everything right now!)

You exchanged a desperate glance with Alba, silently begging her to step in. She nodded subtly before placing a calming hand on Alexia’s arm.

“Alexia, esperemos por ellos en la sala. Dales un minuto, se unirán a nosotros. Déjalos despertarse.” Alba said, trying to diffuse the situation, gently tugging her sister toward the door. (Alexia, let’s wait for them in the living room. Give them a minute, and they’ll join us. Let them wake up)

“Okay,” Alexia growled, shooting one last withering glare at both of you.

“¡Deja la puerta abierta y apúrate! ¡Tenéis cinco minutos!” she hissed before storming out of the room with Alba. (Leave the door open and hurry up! You’ve got five minutes)

As soon as they were gone, you exhaled heavily, collapsing back against the bed. “Mierda,” you muttered under your breath, glancing at Ingrid, who had stayed silent the entire time.(shit)

Ingrid reached for your hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “It’s going to be okay. We can finally tell them the truth,” she said, her voice soft but sad, trying to manage a comforting smile.

You nodded, though your stomach churned with anxiety.

“She’s really angry,” you said, your voice small as you looked down at your intertwined hands.

“I know, I noticed… but it’s understandable. She’s just being protective. I’ll be right there with you, okay? You’re her baby sister, and she’s trying to look out for you,” Ingrid reminded you, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on your lips.

“¡APÚRATE!” Alexia’s voice thundered through the house, shattering the moment. You jumped, pulling back with a sigh, realizing you couldn’t delay any longer. (HURRY UP!)

Together, you both got out of bed, freshened up, and dressed quickly. With heavy hearts, you made your way to the living room, where Alba and Alexia were waiting, the tension in the air thick enough to cut through.

As Alexia paced the floor, biting her nails, Alba sat quietly on the couch, watching her sister with concern.

You and Ingrid entered the room, slowly making your way toward the couch. Alexia didn’t waste a second.

“Explain,” she demanded, her voice sharp.

Taking a deep breath, you began recounting everything—how it all started with that coffee shop conversation, the moments at the park, exchanging numbers, the dates you shared, and how it evolved into this. As you spoke, Alexia's expression darkened, her anger intensifying.

“¿Entonces qué? ¿Ahora son novias?” she asked, her eyes darting between you and Ingrid. (So what? You’re girlfriends now?)

You exchanged a glance with Ingrid, uncertain how to answer. It had never been explicitly discussed, but you both made it clear your relationship had grown beyond something casual. Before you could respond, Ingrid squeezed your hand and spoke up.

“Yes, we are,” she said, lacing her fingers with yours.

Alexia’s eyes burned as she stared at your joined hands, disbelief etched across her face. “¿Tuvieron sexo?” she blurted out. (Did you have sex?)

“Alexia!” you and Alba exclaimed in unison, both shocked by the question.

You glanced at Ingrid with an apologetic expression as she recoiled at Alexia's words.

“Alexia, entiendo que estás molesta, pero esto no es asunto tuyo.” Alba interjected, clearly taken aback. (Alexia, I get that you’re upset, but this is none of your business)

“¿Lo hiciste?”Alexia pressed, ignoring Alba and locking her gaze on you. (Did you?)

“No, Alexia!” you exclaimed, feeling your face heat up with embarrassment. “¡Y aunque lo hubiéramos hecho, no es asunto tuyo!” (And even if we had, it’s none of your business!)

Her glare intensified as she looked between you and Ingrid. “¡Esta relación se ha acabado!”she declared coldly. Turning to you, she added, “¡Te prohibo que la vuelvas a ver!” (This relationship is over, I forbid you to see her again)

She then turned her wrath on Ingrid. “And you—you stay away from my sister.”

Your frustration boiled over. “¡No, Alexia! ¡Tengo 22 años! Puedo salir con quien quiera. No eres nadie para decirme cómo vivir mi vida.” (No, Alexia. I’m 22 years old! I can date whoever I want. You’re no one to tell me how to live my life)

“¡Soy tu hermana!” she shouted, her voice trembling with anger. (I’m your sister!)

“¡Y en lugar de intentar separarnos, deberías estar feliz por mí!” you shot back, tears welling up in your eyes. “¡Estoy feliz, y pensé que también querrías eso para mí! (And instead of trying to tear us apart, you should be happy for me! I’m happy, and I thought you’d want that for me.)

You looked to Alba, desperate for support. “Alba está de acuerdo con esta relación, ¿verdad?” you asked, your voice faltering. (Alba’s okay with this relationship, right?)

Alba’s expression was torn as she bit her lip, glancing between you and Alexia. “Y/N, nos mentiste durante semanas. E Ingrid es compañera de Alexia. Lo siento, pero Alexia tiene razón...” (Y/N, you lied to us for weeks. And Ingrid is Alexia’s teammate. I’m sorry, but Alexia is right…)

“Eso no es justo... No dijiste nada cuando Alba salió con Mapi.” you said to Alexia. (That’s not fair... You didn’t say anything when Alba dated Mapi)

You then turned to Alba, “Pensé que entenderías ya que estuviste en la misma posición” you added, disappointment clear in your voice and she looked at you sadly. (I thought you’d understand since you were in the same position)

“¡No es lo mismo!” Alexia shouted, and you turned to her, your frustration boiling over. (It’s not the same!)

“¿Cómo no es lo mismo?” you yelled back, your voice rising with anger. (How is it not the same?)

Alexia’s gaze hardened as she looked at the two of you switching to english “I don’t need to explain myself, it was not the same…now I want you to break up”

Ingrid, unfazed, tightened her grip on your hand. “I’m sorry, but no,it’s not going to happen” she said firmly. You nodded in agreement, standing your ground.

Alexia let out a disbelieving scoff. “No puedo creer esto. Vine aquí con Alba para que pudiéramos desayunar juntas, solo las tres, porque noté que no te sentías bien últimamente. Y esto es lo que encuentro...” Her voice trailed off as she stared at you, hurt flashing across her face. (I can’t believe this. I came here with Alba so we could have breakfast together, just the three of us, because I noticed you weren’t feeling well lately. And this is what I find…)

Guilt gnawed at you, and the tears you had been holding back finally spilled over.

With a frustrated shake of her head, Alexia stormed out of the apartment. Alba hesitated, her face filled with sadness as she looked at you. “Y/N…”

“No,” you interrupted her, your voice bitter. “Simplemente vete. No eres mejor que ella. Todo lo que quería era tu apoyo, pero ni siquiera estás feliz por mí. Así que vete; no te necesito” (Just leave. You’re no better than her. All I wanted was your support, but you’re not even happy for me. So leave—I don’t need you.)

You saw the tears in Alba’s eyes as she nodded silently and followed Alexia out.

Ingrid wrapped her arms around you, pulling you into a comforting embrace. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

You sniffled, pulling back slightly, trying to lighten the mood. “Well, that went well,” you said with a weak chuckle.

Ingrid let out a small laugh and wiped away your tears. “It’s going to be okay, I promise,” she reassured you.

“Thank you… girlfriend,” you smiled faintly.

Ingrid looked at you, slightly surprised. “Is that okay? I mean, I—”

“It’s more than okay,” you interrupted her with a soft smile. “I’m glad we’re official now, although I wish it was under better circumstances”

“Me too,” she sighed before leaning in for a gentle kiss.

As you pulled away, you whispered softly, more to yourself than to Ingrid, “Everything will be okay.”

Ingrid nodded, her eyes filled with affection. “Yes, everything will be okay soon…with time they’ll get over it”

But you couldn’t have been more wrong.

——

The next day at training, Alexia walked in, greeting everyone with her usual composure—everyone except Ingrid. Instead of acknowledging her, Alexia's eyes narrowed, and as she passed, she purposely bumped her shoulder against Ingrid’s, muttering something under her breath. Ingrid barely had time to react, biting her lip, sensing the storm coming.

As the training progressed, it became obvious Alexia had a target in mind. “Ingrid, push harder! You're falling behind!” Alexia’s voice cut through the field like a whip.

Ingrid, panting heavily, nodded and kept running laps, even though her legs already burned.

“Again! Faster!” Alexia yelled as Ingrid stumbled. The other players exchanged awkward glances, silently noting the unusually harsh treatment.

Ingrid gritted her teeth, her body screaming for rest, but she pushed through. She knew Alexia was still enraged about what had happened the previous night.

Any resistance now would only fuel the fire, so she stayed silent and did as told.

“Is this your idea of good defense?” Alexia snapped as they practiced drills. “You’re all over the place today!”

“Sorry, Capi,” Ingrid mumbled, too exhausted to argue or explain. She could feel the eyes of her teammates on her, each look of sympathy making it harder to endure.

By the end of the session, Ingrid was completely spent—her arms and legs hurted, and even lifting a water bottle seemed like a challenge. She winced as a sharp pain shot up her calf.

From a distance, Alexia watched her struggle, arms crossed, a cold expression on her face. She saw Ingrid grimace in pain, but it didn't matter.

This was her punishment. Alexia felt justified in being merciless. Ingrid had gone behind her back and dated her baby sister—something she could never forgive.

As the team huddled together at the end of training, Ingrid lingered behind, too exhausted to join. Her body was drenched in sweat, her face flushed with both effort and embarrassment.

Alexia’s sharp eyes flicked to her one last time, but she said nothing.

“Buena sesión, todas.” Alexia called out to the group, deliberately leaving Ingrid out of the compliment. (Good session, everyone)

The rest of the team exchanged glances, the tension between Alexia and Ingrid impossible to ignore.

“Algo definitivamente está mal” Cata whispered to Jana. (Something’s definitely up)

“Sin duda. Ha estado detrás de Ingrid todo el día”Jana responded, her voice low as they packed up their gear. (No doubt. She’s been on Ingrid the whole day)

Ingrid collapsed on a nearby bench, trying to catch her breath. Her muscles ached, and her throat was dry, but worse than the physical pain was the heavy cloud of tension that hung over her. Alexia was making her pay, and everyone knew it.

In the parking lot, Alexia spotted Ingrid walking towards her car. Without hesitation, she stormed over, her jaw clenched, eyes blazing with fury.

“You were horrible today. Do better tomorrow,”Alexia snapped, her voice cold and cutting.

Ingrid turned to her, raising an eyebrow. “We both know that’s not true. You just can’t stand the fact that I’m dating your sister,” she said calmly but firmly, her tone laced with defiance.

Alexia stepped closer, her presence almost threatening, but Ingrid didn’t flinch. She stood her ground, refusing to be intimidated.

“Accept it, Alexia. I’m with Y/N now. We’re happy together,” Ingrid continued, her voice steady as she looked Alexia square in the eyes.

“You can push me harder in training, try to make my life hell, but it won’t change the fact that we’re together. It’s time to grow up. She’s 22. I get that you want to protect her, but right now, you're acting like a child.”

Alexia’s eyes narrowed, her face contorted in anger. “Who do you think you are to talk to me like that?” she spat, her voice dangerously low.

Ingrid calmly opened the back door of her car, tossing her bag inside before walking around to the driver’s side. She paused, looking at Alexia one last time.

“la novia de tu hermana.” she said simply, the words cutting through the tension like a blade. (your sister’s girlfriend)

Without waiting for a response, she got into the car and drove away, not sparing Alexia another glance.

If Ingrid had looked back, she would have seen Alexia standing frozen in place, her face flushed red with rage.

Alexia’s fists clenched tightly, veins bulging from her neck as she struggled to control her simmering anger.

The confrontation had struck deeper than she would ever admit, but for now, all she could do was seethe in silence.

——

Over the next few days of training, the tension between Alexia and Ingrid only grew worse. Alexia was relentless, pushing Ingrid harder than ever, to the point where it became obvious to everyone that this was personal.

During one particular session, the team was playing a possession game. Alexia had to take the ball from the others, and when Ingrid got possession, Alexia’s eyes locked on her with a laser focus.

She didn’t hesitate—she charged in, tackling Ingrid hard, her foot making harsh contact with Ingrid’s ankle.

Ingrid crumpled to the ground, gasping in pain. “Ingrid!” a few of the teammates shouted, running over as the coaches rushed in.

Ingrid gritted her teeth, clutching her ankle tightly.

Alexia stood there, arms crossed, unfazed. “You need to be quicker on your feet, Ingrid. Can’t be so slow,” she said, her voice cold, ignoring the concern from the others.

Ingrid’s eyes flashed with anger, but she bit her tongue. “I’m fine,” she muttered as the coaches helped her up. Her ankle was bruised, but nothing seemed broken.

She refused to give Alexia the satisfaction of knowing she was in pain.

Later, in the locker room, some of the other players whispered amongst themselves. “¿Viste eso? Alexia fue demasiado dura.” (Did you see that? Alexia went in way too hard)

“Ha estado así con Ingrid toda la semana” Vicky added. (She’s been like this with Ingrid all week)

“Definitivamente, algo está pasando entre ellas.” (Something’s definitely going on between them.)

Ingrid overheard but didn’t respond. She just pulled her socks over the bruise on her ankle and acted as if nothing was wrong.

You, meanwhile, had no idea any of this was happening. Ingrid never told you about the harsh treatment that Alexia gave her.

She didn’t want to escalate things between you and your sister. She kept her head down, knowing that anything she said might make things worse.

Tensions between you, Alexia, and Alba remained unchanged. Since that explosive morning argument, Alexia hadn’t said a word to you, and you had purposely ignored Alba’s repeated texts, despite her trying to reach out.

You couldn’t believe she’d side with Alexia…

All you ever wanted was to be happy with someone, but instead, it felt like you had lost the two most important people in your life because of it.

And as far as you knew, your mom wasn’t aware of the argument yet. You had no intention of telling her—at least not now. You planned to wait until things calmed down between the three of you.

——

“Can you please pass me the salt?” you asked, glancing over your shoulder at Ingrid, who was busy chopping vegetables at her kitchen counter.

The two of you were surrounded by the comforting scents of garlic and herbs, the light of the setting sun casting a warm glow over the cozy apartment.

“Sure,” she replied, a soft smile brightening her face as she leaned over to grab the salt. But as she moved to the other side of the kitchen, you noticed her slight limp, a flicker of concern crossing your mind.

“Hey, are you okay?” you asked, stepping closer, your voice laced with worry. “You’re limping. Did you hurt yourself?”

Ingrid brushed it off, but the slight hitch in her breath betrayed her. “Yes, I did at training… but it’s nothing to worry about,” she insisted, trying to mask her discomfort.

She handed you the salt and leaned in, her lips brushing against yours for a quick kiss, her eyes sparkling with affection.

You wanted to believe her, but doubt lingered. “You’re sure?” you pressed gently, sensing she was hiding something. But Ingrid just nodded, a smile returning as she resumed her task.

As you continued cooking, the playful banter flowed between you like a well-loved melody. But each time she moved, you caught the flash of pain on her face, a fleeting moment that tugged at your heartstrings.

“Okay, that’s it,” you said, setting down the spatula and placing a hand on her shoulder. “You need to sit down. I’ll handle the cooking.”

Ingrid hesitated, her brow furrowing in protest, but you could see the fatigue etched on her face. With a reluctant sigh, she relented and made her way to the couch, settling in with a grateful smile.

After dinner, the two of you found yourselves snuggled on the couch, laughter still hanging in the air. As you leaned in for a kiss, the heat between you intensified, igniting sparks of passion.

But as your legs shifted, they brushed against Ingrid’s injured ankle, eliciting a sharp hiss from her.

“Shit! I’m so sorry, Ingrid!” you exclaimed, pulling away in alarm, your heart racing with guilt.

“It’s okay!” she reassured you, though her voice was strained.

“Just give me a minute,” you said, quickly getting up and rushing to the freezer. You grabbed an ice pack, your heart pounding as you returned to her side.

“Here,” you said gently, handing it to her. Before she could protest, you carefully pulled down her sock, revealing a massive bruise that made your stomach drop.

You gasped, your eyes wide with disbelief. “You said it was nothing!”

Ingrid looked up at you, her expression a mix of defiance and discomfort. “It is nothing, thank you,” she replied, pressing the ice pack against her ankle. But your worry only deepened.

“What do you mean ‘nothing’? Do we see the same thing here?” You shifted closer, concern etched into your features as you placed your hand over hers, trying to offer comfort.

She chuckled lightly, her fingers caressing your thigh. “Yeah, we do, baby. But I already saw the doctor. By the end of the week, it’ll be all good,” she said, trying to reassure you.

You frowned, shaking your head. “How did you even get that?” you asked, sensing there was more to the story.

“At training,” she replied, her eyes darting away from yours.

A knot formed in your stomach, and you pressed further. “Yes, but how? Specifically?” You leaned in, trying to capture her gaze, but she avoided it, an uncomfortable silence settling between you.

“We were training, and I had the ball. Keira came for it, and she tackled me too hard,” she mumbled, her gaze dropping to her lap.

“You’re lying,” you said quietly, your heart racing as you felt the tension thickening in the air.

“No, I’m not,” she retorted, finally looking at you, but there was something in her eyes that gave you pause.

“Why are you lying to me?” You stood, frustration boiling over as you felt your heart ache.

“Y/N, I told you that I’m not,” she pleaded, rising to her feet, desperation in her eyes.

“Yes, you are! I can tell! You’re avoiding eye contact and being dismissive!” Your voice rose, the hurt in your tone unmistakable as it echoed around the cozy confines of her apartment.

You could feel the weight of betrayal pressing down on your chest, each word cutting deeper. “I can’t believe it. We’ve been officially dating for only a week, and you’re already hiding things from me!”

The silence that followed felt suffocating, heavy with unspoken emotions. You turned toward the door, your heart racing, ready to walk away from it all. The thought of leaving filled you with a mix of anger and sadness.

“What was I expecting?” you said softly, the words tumbling out before you could stop them.

“Our whole relationship is based on a lie anyways” The finality of the statement hung in the air, a bitter truth that settled like a fog between you.

Ingrid’s heart sank at your words, a crushing wave of despair washing over her. She couldn’t let you think that your relationship was built on deceit, especially when it felt like the best thing in her life.

“It was Alexia!” she blurted out, the confession bursting from her lips like a dam breaking, desperate to clarify the truth.

You froze, the shock of her revelation rooting you in place. “Alexia tackled you?” you asked, your mind racing to process the implications of what she had just said.

Confusion twisted within you, battling against the instinct to protect her.

“Yeah,” she said, stepping closer, her eyes wide and earnest, searching your face for understanding.

“But it’s not just that. Ever since she found out about us, she’s been treating me differently—harder.”

“What do you mean?” you pressed, the confusion in your chest intensifying as you moved closer, your gaze locked on hers, yearning for clarity.

Ingrid took a deep breath, the weight of her words heavy on her shoulders.

“She’s been so hard on me at training, making me do extra drills, constantly criticizing me... It’s been brutal.” Her voice trembled, the vulnerability evident as she shared the truth she had been carrying.

A fierce anger ignited within you, flames of rage flickering at the thought of anyone—especially one of your sisters—treating her that way. It made your blood boil, and you felt a surge of protectiveness rise to the surface.

You had always been someone who avoided confrontation, but this felt different; this was about protecting Ingrid, the person who meant so much to you.

“Wait! Where are you going?” Ingrid called after you, panic lacing her voice as you turned towards the door, determination coursing through your veins like adrenaline.

“Voy a matarla.” you replied, your tone serious, every word filled with resolve. The thought of letting Alexia continue her behavior without consequences was unbearable. You had to stand up for Ingrid, to show her that she wasn’t alone in this fight. (I’m going to kill her)

—————————

Tags:

@leonchef @wososapologist @marvelwomen-simp @the-hottest-avenger-loves-soccer @t0ygirl

[ginkgooou]

dance lessons | alexia putellas

summary: you and alexia try dancing.

this one took a while; i rewrote it like three times before i was finally happy with it. i'm no expert in dancing, but i tried my best to describe the moves. i hope you enjoy! feel free to send feedback or requests. 😄

english is not my first language.

4,272 words

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

you were out with alba, leisurely strolling through the city, when you came across two people handing out flyers. as you were about to walk past, one of them stepped forward, stopping you with a friendly smile.

“hey, do you two want to try a dance class?”, the woman asked you, offering you a flyer.

alba just shook her head. “no, thank you.”

you stopped, intrigued, taking the flyer from her hand and looking over it. it seemed like a fun idea, something you could do with alexia - an opportunity to try something new together.

as you skimmed the paper, the lady explained, “we teach ballroom and latin dances. it's for beginners, so anyone can join. you can sign up online if you're interested. the website's on the flyer.”

you nodded thoughtfully, looking up at her with a small smile. “thank you. i'll think about it.”

with that, you turned to alba, who linked her arm with yours as you walked away. she gave you a knowing look. “you sure ale will do it with you?”

with a smirk, you replied, “i have my ways.”

☆

well, your way was simply signing both you and alexia up for the course without telling her. after three years together, you knew your girlfriend very well and you knew if you'd asked her, she would've immediately said no.

alexia loved her routines, finding comfort in the structure of her days. they gave her a sense of control in a world that often felt too chaotic.

you understood that and respected it, but every now and then, you'd try to pull her out of her comfort zone a little. a new restaurant, an unexpected detour through the city or, when time allowed, a spontaneous road trip - just small things. it was always a struggle to get her to agree to your ideas. alexia could be very stubborn, but you always found a way to persuade her.

you knew that this time would be particularly difficult as it wasn't a one-time thing like usual; the dance course would last over several weeks. you could already picture your girlfriend's grumpy face, insisting she didn't want to go, claiming that she had football and no time for something like this.

but, you'd already made a plan.

first, you decided that instead of ordering in, you'd make dinner. you settled on cooking pasta with the homemade sauce that she liked so much, hoping it would put her in a good mood.

you had just started on the sauce when you heard the soft click of the front door echoing through the apartment. it was quickly followed by the muffled sound of footsteps and the soft thud of alexia's bag being dropped on the floor.

a few moments later, you felt your girlfriend's strong arms wrap around your waist, her familiar warmth bringing a smile to your face. she placed a gentle kiss on your shoulder before resting her head there with a soft sigh.

“hola, mi amor. i missed you.”, she mumbled, her voice tinged with fatigue.

turning your head slightly, you gave her a quick peck on her lips, whispering, “missed you too. how was training?”

“good. lots of things to work on.”, she replied.

as you continued making the sauce, alexia stayed wrapped around you, watching you cook. “ale?”, you said gently.

she hummed in response, letting you know she was listening.

“why don't you go shower? dinner will be ready soon.”

alexia just pressed herself closer, burying her head in your neck, making you chuckle at her clinginess. “baby, come on.”

“vale.”, your girlfriend grumbled, clearly reluctant to let go. with a sigh, she finally released her hold on you and headed upstairs.

while she showered, you finished preparing dinner and began setting the table. you were just plating the food, when you heard alexia coming back downstairs.

you looked up to see your girlfriend padding into the kitchen, her wet hair falling over her shoulders, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants.

“it smells amazing, amor.”, she said, coming over and kissing your cheek. you smiled at her, turning back to the plates. “go sit down. i'll be right over.”

alexia nodded and made her way to the table, taking a seat and pouring two glasses of water.

once you finished plating, you walked over, setting the dishes on the table before sitting down beside her.

both of you eagerly dug in, conversation flowing effortlessly throughout the meal. between bites, alexia recounted her day, telling you about the intense drills, funny moments with her teammates and the interview she had to do while also asking about your day.

once you finished dinner, the conversation and you watched as the tension slowly melted away from her shoulders. her tone became lighter and more relaxed. you knew this was the perfect moment to bring up the dance class.

you glanced at her with a smile. “oh, i forgot to tell you! i was out with alba today. we went for lunch and then just wandered around.”, you began casually. “funny story, actually - we walked past some people handing out flyers.”, you continued, chuckling nervously as you watched your girlfriend closely.

alexia eyed you with suspicion. “what did you do?”, she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“well.”, you started, clearing your throat, “they were promoting their dance classes. i checked out the website - it looks really cool and professional.” you paused, grinning excitedly at alexia, “so, i signed us up for the course! it starts on monday.”

“no.”, your girlfriend said immediately, shaking her head. “no, no, no. we are not doing that.” you laughed at her instant refusal, expecting nothing less.

“come on, ale. it'll be fun.”, you urged, trying to convince her.

“no! i don't have time. i have football.”, alexia argued, crossing her arms defiantly. “sorry, amor, but it's just not happening.”

you sighed, giving her your best puppy dog eyes. “please? for me?”

your girlfriend quickly looked away, knowing she would crumble if she looked at you much longer. “..no.”, she repeated, but her voice lacked the firmness it had before.

sensing she just needed one more little push, you proceeded with part two of your plan.

you scooted back and stood up, alexia's eyes following you as you moved to straddle her lap, your arms wrapping around her shoulders while hers instinctively fell to your hips. she slightly leaned back in her chair, making room for you.

you slowly leaned in, lips nearly touching. “please?”, you asked again, your lips brushing hers.

you could see alexia's resolve wavering and you knew you almost had her. closing the distance between you, you pressed your lips softly against hers. when you pulled away, your girlfriend chased your lips, clearly not ready for the kiss to end yet.

“for me, baby?”, you asked again, a smile forming on your lips.

alexia opened her eyes, gazing up at you. after a few seconds of silence, she sighed dramatically. “i hate you.”

your grin only widened. “so you'll go with me?”

“yes.”, she grumbled, rolling her eyes. “but i don't like it.”

“thank you, thank you, thank you!”, you squealed, showering her face with kisses. your girlfriend tried to keep a straight face, but she couldn't suppress the wide smile spreading on her lips.

☆

it was monday evening, just before 6 pm, and the dance studio was filled with people. you stood near the back, surrounded by couples who were much older than you, their chatter filling the air. shifting nervously, you glanced at the door for what felt like the hundredth time.

alexia was late.

you two had agreed to come here separately, since your girlfriend had a late interview. she had assured you she would make it, but as the clock crept closer to 6, doubt started to creep in.

when it was time for the lesson to start, the two instructors, a woman with a warm smile and a tall man with black hair, stepped forward.

“hello everyone and welcome to the course! i'm isabella and this is my partner, luis.”, the woman said enthusiastically, her voice carrying across the room. “over the next few weeks, we'll be teaching you how to dance.”

you were trying to listen, but your thoughts kept wandering to alexia. as isabella started to explain a bit more about the class, the door suddenly swung open. your girlfriend burst through, slightly out of breath, still wearing her training kit.

“lo siento!”, she called out, blushing as she realized that everyone was looking at her. for a second, she scanned the room, her gaze darting past the curious looks before landing on you.

a small smile tugged at the corner of your lips as your girlfriend hurried over, weaving through the people. when she reached you, she leaned in for a quick kiss. “i'm sorry.”, she whispered apologetically. “i didn't mean to be this late. the interview took longer than expected.”

you smiled at her, shaking your head. “it's fine. you're here now.”

alexia sighed, running a hand through her hair as she looked around, clearly feeling out of place in her kit. “i didn't have time to change.”, she muttered, tugging at the hem of her shirt.

“don't worry about it.”, you said softly, taking her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

someone clearing their throat beside you interrupted your whispering. you turned to see an older man giving you both a disapproving look. “could you stop talking? we're trying to listen.”, he said, sounding annoyed.

“sorry, we'll stop.”, you quickly apologized, flashing him a polite smile.

though, when you turned to your girlfriend and your eyes met hers, you let out a giggle. alexia couldn't suppress a grin, quietly shushing you and gesturing to the front.

you tuned back in just in time to catch isabella's last words. "so, our first dance will be a slow waltz," she began with a smile. "but before we begin, let's go over the hold."

she turned to luis, who took her hand in his as they stepped into position. he placed his right hand gently on isabella’s shoulder blade, while she rested her left hand on his upper arm. their free hands met between them. “the lead,” he explained, “places his right hand on the follow’s back, just here, and the follow’s left hand goes on the lead’s arm. your other hands meet, like so.” they turned in a circle so everyone could see clearly. they invited you to try it out, moving through the room and giving tips when needed.

“okay! now to the box step. it is really simple.”, isabella said. “the lead steps forward with their left foot. the follow steps back with their right.”

on cue, they moved, their feet sweeping across the floor in perfect synchronization. “step forward,” luis said, narrating his movement, “then side with the right foot, and bring your left foot to your right. then, you’ll step back with the right foot, side with the left, and close the feet again. that completes the box.”

you shifted your weight slightly, looking at alexia, who was staring at the instructors as if this dance was a tactical briefing before a big match. her brow was furrowed in concentration, which made you grin.

after they had showed you the movement a few more times, isabella smiled encouragingly at the class. “now, it’s time for you to try. we’ll walk around and help you.”

you turned to alexia, a playful glint in your eye. “so,” you began, raising an eyebrow, “who’s going to lead?”

your girlfriend chuckled, moving closer with a confident grin. “me, of course.” she tried to get into position, placing her hand on your shoulder blade, but you stepped back, not ready to give up just yet.

“but what if i want to lead?”, you asked hopefully. alexia shook her head. “no, i lead. no arguments.”

you huffed, pouting slightly as you mumbled, “so not fair.”

with a sigh, you finally let her step closer and take hold of you while you rested your hand on her upper arm. you could feel the warmth of her hand against your back, and despite your earlier protest, an excited smile crept on your face. “well, then. lead the way, capitana.”, you told her, laughing as she shot you an annoyed look at the nickname.

as it came to trying the steps, you could feel alexia’s earlier confidence beginning to waver slightly. she bit her lip, glancing down at her feet, and then stepped forward with her left. you weren’t ready yet and stumbled a little as you quickly tried to follow her lead and move backward, but you couldn’t hold your balance and accidentally stepped on her toes.

“oops, sorry!”, you blurted out, pulling back.

alexia just shook her head, a hint of embarrassment coloring her cheeks. “no, it was my fault.”, she said, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. “okay. let’s try again.”

you both repositioned yourselves and tried again. this time, you were ready and as she took a step forward, you moved back with your right foot, staying in the rhythm. alexia was incredibly focused, her brows furrowed in concentration.

“forward, side, close.”, she murmured to herself, following the steps. the determination in her eyes made you smile, but you could also feel the tension in her body. “hey, ale.”, you said softly, catching her attention. when she looked up at you, you continued, “try to relax. this is just for fun.”

your girlfriend took a deep breath, trying to let go of the pressure. “you’re right. just for fun.”, she replied, smiling at you.

after a few minutes, isabella made her way over to you. “good! that’s good.”, she praised, offering a warm smile. “but try not to look down at your feet. keep your eyes on each other or look over the left shoulder.” she gestured for you to step closer together. “you can also move closer together. it will help you feel the movements and make it easier to follow the lead.”

you and alexia nodded, moving closer, and got back into position. your eyes met and a soft smile passed between you. when alexia stepped forward this time, you could feel the shift in her weight, making it easier to anticipate her next move. the closeness made everything smoother, as if you were more in tune with each other.

“that's much better!”, isabella remarked before moving on to help the next couple.

after the first successful attempt, you tried the box step again. but it was alexia who faltered this time, accidentally stepping on your toes. “i'm so sorry.”, she muttered, her cheeks flushing as her gaze shifted over your shoulder, embarrassed. “it's just…”, she trailed off, meeting your eyes for a brief second before quickly looking down at her feet. “it's hard to concentrate with you so close.”, your girlfriend admitted softly, biting her lip.

you smiled at her confession, finding it incredibly endearing that even after all this time, you still had this effect on her. you couldn't help but press a quick kiss to her cheek. “i love you.”, you told her as you pulled away, catching the soft smile that lit up her face.

alexia's hand pressed gently against your back, drawing you closer, her eyes sparkling with affection. “te quiero.”, she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper, making your heart flutter.

suddenly, luis’ voice cut through, interrupting the moment between you. “alright, now that everyone's practiced the box step, let's learn the turning box.”, he announced, moving to the front of the room. “isabella and i will demonstrate.”

alexia cleared her throat and let go of you, turning her attention to the instructors.

luis took a moment to position himself with isabella. “the lead steps forward with the left foot, but this time, instead of moving straight, you'll turn slightly to the left.”, he began, showcasing the first move.

“as you step to the side with the right foot, your body should turn about 90° to the left.”, he continued, guiding isabella through the movement. “then, step with the left foot next to the right.”

they showed you the turns a few more times, with isabella also guiding you through the follow's role. as the demonstration concluded, luis turned to you all with a smile. “now it's your turn again.”

you and alexia quickly got back into position. “ready?”, your girlfriend asked, looking at you with a soft smile. “yes”, you answered.

you tried it slowly, wanting to get a feel for the added movement. it worked surprisingly well; you barely had to think about it as alexia confidently led you into the turn.

alexia was focused on the steps, murmuring them quietly under her breath. with each turn, you got more comfortable, feeling more confident in your steps.

encouraged by how well it worked, alexia picked up the pace a little and soon, you were gliding across the floor. just as you executed a smooth turn, you suddenly became aware of another couple moving in the opposite direction.

before you could react, you collided with them - your shoulder bumping into the man's side while alexia accidentally stepped on the woman's toes.

“oh no, sorry!”, alexia exclaimed, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. you, on the other hand, struggled to keep your laughter in as you turned to the couple, who looked just as surprised, but quickly joined you in the laughter. the man shook his head, waving off the mishap with a hrin. “it happens to the best of us.”

once you repositioned yourselves, you began anew, alexia now more aware of her surroundings. but the collision seemed to have made her relax more, smiling slightly while continuing to dance.

when luis approached, he smiled brightly at you. “that's really good!”, he said, nodding with approval. “keep it up!” the praise filled you with confidence and when you looked at alexia, you found her beaming with delight, her eyes sparkling with pride.

after a few more minutes, isabella moved to the sound system and put on music. “now, let's try it with music.”, she said enthusiastically.

as the melody of a slow waltz filled the room, everything changed. the soft notes wrapped around you, making the steps feel more fluid and natural, the rythm guiding your movements. alexia's confidence grew with every turn, leading you through the dance seamlessly.

you spent the remainder of the class learning more about the waltz, with luca and isabella showing you new steps here and there.

as you laid in bed that night, you turned to face her. “so, how did you like the class?”, you asked softly.

alexia shifted slightly, turning her head to meet your gaze in the dark. a small smile tugged at her lips. “i actually liked it.”, she admitted.

you raised an eyebrow, teasing her. “really? that's funny, considering someone didn't want to go at first.”

she chuckled, her hand reaching out to playfully nudge your arm. “yeah, yeah. but, really, it was fun.” her fingers intertwined with yours under the covers.

you grinned, satisfied with her confession. “i told you it would be.”

alexia sighed softly, leaning in to kiss you. “it was only fun because i did it with you.”

you smiled, your heart fluttering at her words. alexia wrapped her arm around your waist and pulled you closer, her warmth lulling you to sleep.

☆

over the next few weeks, you continued going to the dance studio every monday, learning something new each time. throughout the week, you tried to practice as often as you could, but time seemed to always slip away from you.

both of your schedules were packed - alexia busy with training, matches and interviews while you had your own work commitments. it usually ended up with you practicing an hour before having to leave for class. but, despite the lack of practice, you both had improved quite a lot, especially alexia.

you could see your girlfriend's confidence grow with each session, her movements becoming more fluid and graceful. she led you effortlessly through the various dance routines - slow fox, cha-cha and tango - as if she had been dancing for years. she was a natural at this.

at least, that's what it seemed like to you.

one afternoon, you decided to surprise alexia and pick her up from training. you had a free day and since alexia's car was at the mechanic, she needed someone to pick her up.

after parking your car, you made your way over toward the building's entrance. halfway there, the door swung open and the first few girls exited the building. as soon as they spotted you, their faces lit up with excitement, and they rushed over.

“hi! i haven't seen you in sooo long. i've missed you so much.”, claudia said, pulling you into a tight hug.

you smiled warmly, returning the hug. “hey, clau. i missed you, too. work's just been a lot these days.”

after claudia let go, you turned to greet patri and ona with a hug, too. meanwhile, claudia continued talking, “you should visit more often. ale’s so much nicer when you're around.”

you couldn't help but laugh at that, knowing all too well how your girlfriend could get when it came to football. “i'll talk to her.”, you replied with a grin. then, glancing toward the building, you asked, “but speaking of alexia, where is she?”

more players had started to trickle out of the building, but still no sign of your girlfriend. ona was quick to answer your question, “she wanted to do some extra practice. she's still out on the pitch.”

you turned back to the group with a grateful smile. “ah, thank you. i should've known.”, you chuckled. “i guess i'll head in to find her.”

patri grinned, nudging your arm playfully. “you'd better. otherwise, she'll be out there all day.”

you laughed, pulling each of them into a quick hug. “alright, bye guys.”, you said, the three of them echoing your words as you headed toward the building.

inside, you made your way through the familiar hallways, your footsteps quickening as you approached the pitch, the faint sound of voices drifting toward you.

but as you stepped outside, the sight before you made you stop in your tracks.

there was alexia, but instead of practicing football, she was…dancing. and with mapi, of all people. they seemed to be attempting the tango - or at least something that resembled it. your girlfriend was, of course, leading, her movements focused and graceful.

mapi, on the other hand, was clearly less enthusiastic about the whole thing. “why am i doing this? i don't want to do this!”, she complained, barely trying to follow alexia's lead.

your girlfriend, already looking annoyed, sighed in frustration. “you need to be closer. i can't do this if you're standing a mile away from me.”

mapi threw her hands up. “i don't want to be closer, i need my space! i want to be free, not glued to you!”

you stood silently at the edge of the pitch, trying to stifle your laughter as you watched the scene unfold. alexia, determined as always, restarted the routine, but mapi still kept stumbling over the steps. your girlfriend's patience was running thin, the vein on her forehead looking ready to pop.

“come on, mapi. you're not even trying now. is it really so hard to follow a few steps?” her voice rose in frustration. “it's so much easier with ingrid! why do you always have to make everything so difficult!”

“well, i am not ingrid! and i am trying!”, mapi shot back, stamping her foot and refusing to take another step. alexia took a sharp breath, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “dios mio, i've had enough! you are no help.”, she huffed, rolling her eyes. she spun around, ready to storm off the pitch, but then her eyes fell on you.

she froze, looking like a deer caught in headlights. “oh, no.”

you couldn't help the grin that spread across your face as you stepped onto the pitch. “oh, yes.”

alexia blinked, trying to recover. “it's not what it looks like…”

you raised an eyebrow. “it looked like you were trying to dance.”, you teased, coming to a stop in front of her. “so this is what you've been up to?”

alexia blushed, looking everywhere but you, thinking of ways to get out of the situation. “it's just been a few times…”, she mumbled.

but mapi, who clearly had enough, jumped in. “a few times? she's been dragging ingrid into this for weeks! alexia stole my girlfriend - ingrid's always busy with her now. she barely even talks to me at training! and now i had to dance, too.”

you laughed, watching your girlfriend grow more embarrassed by the second. “i see. and you didn't tell me because…?”

alexia ran a hand through her hair, giving you a sheepish smile. “i just… wanted to impress you.”, she murmured quietly.

you chuckled softly, moving closer and cupping her cheek. “you're so silly, my love.”

your girlfriend wrapped her arms around your waist and pulled you closer, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “i'm sorry?”, she said with a crooked smile.

shaking your head, you leaned in to kiss her again, only to be interrupted by loud gagging coming from mapi. “ugh, can you not? this is torture.”

you both laughed, breaking apart as alexia turned to her best friend. “you're one to talk. and just so you know, i'll never dance with you again.”

at that, mapi began to laugh happily. “thank god!”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

[ginkgooou]

Alexia - family backyard BBQ - “I’m going to marry you”

ring first II a.putellas

"-how you say it?" alexia frowned, sat on the counter watching you cook as you turned around with a smile. "marry me chicken." you repeated for the third time, the catalan woman mumbling it under her breath but not looking any less confused.

"por qué? you marry the chicken?" the midfielder questioned with an adorable look on her face making you laugh. "when you eat it, you will understand." you promised her with a grin, swatting away her foot with a playful glare as it poked at your ass.

"are you going to do anything to help? or just sit there and ask me questions?" you raised an eyebrow, moving the chicken to the side so you could focus on the sauce.

"princesa you told me you did not want help to cook!" your girlfriend scoffed causing you to roll your eyes fondly.

"you could go and change the sheets on the bed over, so they are done when we get back tonight." you suggested, turning back around and feeling her hazel eyes roaming over you from behind.

"lo siento, no entiendo inglés." alexia sighed with a shake of her head as you paused, narrowing your eyes at her over your shoulder. "lo siento, no más sexo." you shrugged, grinning to yourself at the way the blonde scrambled to jump down from the counter.

"alexia!" you laughed as her arms looped around your waist, peppering kisses all over your face and mumbling apologies. "go and make the bed!" you ordered, pushing into her and nudging her away, her hand grabbing your chin and pecking your lips twice as you hummed.

"te amo." alexia stated as again you only hummed, turning back to the stove as the catalan frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "te amo!" she repeated louder this time assuming you hadn't heard.

"sorry, no spanish." you glanced at her with an apologetic pout, squealing at the way her hand connected with your ass with a huff. "i love you. go be useful!" you pushed at her shoulders, the footballer grumbling her annoyances but going to do as you'd asked.

"ah! no." you smacked your girlfriends hand as you were covering the chicken with foil, everything else packed and ready to go as the two of you were about to head off to her mami's house for a family bbq.

"que? mi amor, one taste." alexia tried again, knuckles rapped with the handle of the ladel you were using to get the last of the sauce into the container as she gasped.

"at dinner? you can have as much as you want." you promised, kissing away her protests as the taller girl melted, as always she was wrapped around your little finger.

"is alba meeting us there or did you say you would pick her up?" you questioned, alexia's head a little woozy as you pulled away, the blonde nodding wordlessly as you grinned, patting her cheek lightly with a wink.

"close your mouth putellas, you'll catch flies."

there was a collectively loud cheer as the pair of you walked out into the backyard, already having been greeted by a handful of alexia's tia's and her mami eli who were in the kitchen getting everything ready.

despite the fact you'd been broken apart to continue with the greetings you were acutely aware of your girlfriends eyes on you as you made your way around the yard, hugged and kissed by her relatives who took you in as one of their own, your own family still based in england but they adored alexia just as much as hers cared for you.

and sure enough just like a magnet the moment she was free again she was drawn to your side, an arm settling comfortably over your shoulder as you leaned into her, the pair of you taking a seat and joining in with conversation.

it was about an hour later that the food was ready and your eyes almost bugged out of your head at the sheer amount of it, easily enough for a small army despite the fact there couldn't have been more than fifteen or so people present.

"i told you to bring the eh...how you say? tupperware?" alexia mumbled in your ear, accented english making you laugh and smack her chest with a grin. "sí, but when does your mami not already send us home with a doggy bag?" you quipped, watching her eyebrows furrow together as alba handed the pair of you a plate each.

"dog? que? why would mami give us a dog?" your girlfriend questioned as you bit your lip to stop from teasing her, knowing that as much as her english was better than your spanish, there were still some idioms that flew over her head.

you settled for an amused smile, merely pecking her lips and chuckling as her younger sister made a gagging noise in front of you, alexia's hand shooting out to smack the back of her head as they started to bicker.

that all fell silent as eli popped up out of nowhere, a stern glare and they were already focused on food again, alexia dishing up for the pair of you as you swooned at the small gesture, kissing her cheek in thanks as you both took a seat at the table.

"marry me chicken." alexia pointed to the dish on her plate as you nodded, a slight blush on your cheeks as praise was tossed at you all across the table from her family who'd already started to eat, a laugh leaving your lips as you promised eli you'd show her how you made it.

"good?" you asked as alexia took a bite, pausing for a moment to chew and swallow as you traced circles against her thigh under the table, awaiting her response.

"i am going to marry you." was all the midfielder said, grabbing your face in her hands and pressing a kiss to your lips causing cheers and whistles to errupt as your neck flushed bright red, grinning as your girlfriend began to shovel food into her mouth.

"ring first my love." you teased quietly in her ear, squeezing her knee and tapping your finger with a sly smile, attention captured by her cousin across from you who asked a question, missing the way alexia stared at you adoringly.

little did you know, the ring was already sorted, and true to her word alexia was going to marry you, and nothing else made her heart soar more than the thought of soon getting to call you her wife.

[ginkgooou]

so, i have an alexia fic that's nearly finished. i'm hoping to get it out sometime tomorrow.

in the meantime:

i also write for other players (mainly the barça and arsenal girls), so if you have any ideas, feel free to send them my way. 😄

[ginkgooou]

ohh thank you so much! 🥰🥰🥰

that alexia fic was amazing!!!! like omg sooo good 😍

Aww thank you so so so much love❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🫶🫶🫶

Btw, your Jenni fic is one of my favorite!!!