#And now I have one less day to prepare
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It's almost 02.00 where I live and I just took
This, out of the oven.
Yes, I stress-bake.
What are you gonna do?
#slice of life#baking#peach pie#And little chocolate chio cookies with the leftover dough#I do hope it tastes well#Because if not#I Will have wasted 3 to 4 hours of my life#I could have studied for collage y'know?#But instead I made this#And now I have one less day to prepare#Last year of high school#stressful#y'know?
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-Merry Christmas!💗✨
the tags (↓) are more important!!!
#I couldn't prepare anything for Christmas other than this... which I didn't like but ok. that's fine. that's what I have for now..!#*sigh* I'm very tired and still. it's not even the end of the year. it's christmas.. a date that I really like. by the way. I'm just tired..#but anyway. like I say every year. today. I'm going to say the same thing! christmas is not santa claus.#It's not mother claus and MUCH LESS “mel creator claus”.#christmas is not a “simple celebratory date” and it is also not a day just to think about gifts/food#(even if we want/like these things a lot and it is difficult not to think only about them)#at christmas. the birth of jesus. the birth of christ. is celebrated! a more than important date!#It is a special date and should be celebrated with those you love or at least “have some affinity with”.#or if you want to celebrate alone. that's fine. but don't forget to celebrate! christ was born and there is no better news than that!#celebrate. enjoy and make the most of this thought. don't forget to remember that this day is important.#that it is not just another “simple commemorative date”. but rather. a more than special date.#the birth of a person who came to save the world with his miracles..💛#a kiss and a hug. I love each one of you very much and I hope you will be patient with me if I don't answer you...... thank you very much!🫶#mel creator#my oc character#oc stuff#merry christmas#christmas art#i'm mel and this is my blog✌️#my art blog#art#my art#my art <3#art mel#my art style
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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just read the new mutants issue where Charles chose to stay behind in space and my god the juxtaposition between Charles trusting Erik and Erik joining the hellfire club and wondering at his own trust worthiness. I wonder how much of Charles decision was him ultimately trying to avoid the fact that his first class had seemingly betrayed mutant kind and not be willing to face them and how much of it was Dani and Illyana's reaction to him having Karma mind control Illyana. the fact that Illyana was depending on him to ease her mind through limbo and in choosing to stay he forced karma to do it instead, probably fucking up their relationship in the process.
I love him, this is crazy, how much of this is him trying to runaway and how much is this him not trusting himself to fix things and how much is it just him trusting Erik?
i keep trying to put into words my exact thoughts about the sitch but there really is a lot for one issue aintit... oh charles you and your brain...
#snap chats#thats why we have tag rambles AHAHA#ok so to tackle things one at a time charles ultimately deciding to stay in space despite his expressed want to return to earth#obviously it was when lilandra pointed out if her sister took charge of the shi'ar then the universe- earth included- would be in peril#charles notes his position as a losing one: whichever choice he makes he loses#he goes to earth then the universe could be at stake/he stays in space he loses his kids#of course charles COULD just put his faith in the starjammers but is that a risk he wants to take ? evidently not#charles' reoccurring flaw is he's willing to sacrifice personal relationships for the greater perceived good#even lilandra acknowledges this- that charles' homesickness for earth was an inevitability just as she is indebted to protecting the stars#so now his ruptured relationship with illyana and co- esp right after comforting a split illyana last issue#we've seen charles act more coldly/rashly when he's about to lose people (i think of his first death with the og5 mostly)#i mean it's a key part to charles' chara that he doesn't favor mind controlling others and im sure he has the same regard for his students#he's aware of the damage it can do and in this instance- for one reason or another- he orders it to be done regardless#im sure he does this as a form of defense: if his kids are upset with him they won't feel too bad about losing him and it'll be less painfu#obviously we still see sam wish charles farewell and wish for him to come back soon but yk.. worthy attempt..#and it's not as if charles wants them to hate him ENTIRELY.. he's still touched by sam's goodbye no.... fickle man he is..#i dont think charles is totally afraid to confront the og5- its what made him want to return to earth with the nms initially#tho again.. could his decision to stay in the stars be influenced by that? that maybe he ISNT prepared to confront them like he thought?#who's to say... not me i dont got that psych degree yet..#erik being charles' trusted confidant definitely made his decision easier on top of that: i mean is he needed if he has a substitute#i think charles DOES wholly trust erik: charles really doesnt approach his x-men half heartedly. from his pov ofc#if he didn't genuinely believe in erik's potential he wouldn't have picked him; hes a comforting thought when charles decides to depart#'although i'm gone erik understands me and my goals enough to continue my work as good as i would have so i have nothing to worry about'#which. yk. makes the whole White King thing kinda awkward VJAELVJEAKL charles you fool#i have no idea how this saga ends though... tbh im only on ish 45 of NM i just read 50 and 51 to get context for this ask#so i can only wait and see how this saga turns out... once i finish reading house of m/secret invasion stuff jvLKEJKA#idk im tired and rambling dont pay attention to me.. ramblin bout charles' brain is a good day for me regardless if i make sense jVLAJ
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#had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. odd i guess bc my sister is pretty smart#on paper shes smarter than me. or at least less dyslexic than me#but she didnt seem to kno what cancer is. i mean like how it works. i mean. cancer is a mistake. a confluence of unfortunate accidents#leading to unrestrained cellular growth. when it metastasizes. when it moves to other parts of the body. those same cells continue growing#if u have smooth muscle cancer and it moves to your kidney. you body is trying to grow more smooth muscle on your kidney#at least as i understand it. and she asked why it wants to kill you. it doesnt want anything. it just is. its not a thing of malicious#intent. its neutral. it grows. it takes up resources. it takes up space. and it grows and grows until the organ it grows on stops#functioning properly. like a parasite she said. but no. not like a parasite. it grows like an empty space. a mass of flesh. a constant#obstructive pressure. it grows like only a tumor can. i dunno. it didnt seem to connect with her that this thing didnt want to kill our mom#but it did anyway. and she felt weird about how long she lived after they took her off any support. but thats how cancer kills#it stops an organ from functioning and most of those r important so it only takes one. so her heart kept beating for 12 more hrs bc it was#meant to beat for 40 more years. but not much it could do without working kidneys and without working blood#but that's life. that's death. that's nature. its all nutral even if it feels horrible to the individual.#i dunno. i thought it was interesting. shes 25 and her mother had cancer for 10 years so id think shed kno more#we're at a weird phase now bc its been a week since she died and everything feels normal. we'll see what happens at the wake this week#its been interesting for sure bc she was sick for 10 years but my parents didnt prepare at all for her to die#so my dad is scrambling to put together the pieces shr left behind to make sure that all the bills r paid and whatnot. he had to guess her#computer password. she didnt tell us what she wanted us to have. she didnt tell us the importance of her jewelry and who it belonged to#before her. i dunno. we're seeing the outline of my mothers Pathology in what she left behind. both in the physical objects and in the#feelings she imparted. i dunno. its been weird#unrelated
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Freed from the chains of academic misery just to immediately be thrown into the dungeon of a Full time position
#lord help me#i mean I've been working overtime a lot so it's better to have some more hours I'll actually get paid for#but goood i already feel drained#(starting next week/month (tomorrow's a holiday so at least i get a 3 day weekend before that))#((although i will probably have to do some work over the weekend because i need to prepare some stuff for the new hires#who i have to train#and also we have our print deadline next monday (so i mean. the monday after next week? idk)#and our medical advisor IS ON VACATION until November 14th#HELLO??? i don't wanna complain about her taking her well deserved time off but like. a little heads up would have been nice#now i have to find another suitable person to do the certification of that one article#and we have less than a week?#god i hate next week#i swear we Just did this#and heaven help me find some interesting urology news or the newsletter will crash and burn#sorry#got carried away#void screams#work stuff
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me: look, I'm writing!!
me @ me: you're not writing. you just made a note file about the Olli/Allu fic advent calendar and spent an unnecessary amount of time on it too by using colour coding
me: I'm writing!! 🥰
#right so i started to consider the fact of actually making it a 24-chapter fic instead#because that way i MIGHT be able to keep the chapters short enough because i wouldn't have to establish a whole new story/context each time#AND i wouldn't have to worry about ''writing the same story 24 times'' because it would literally BE the same story eh?#problem solved! prepare yourselves for some pining and fluff for 24 consecutive days in december 😌#...she says as she has STILL not written a single word lol but i'm getting there!#at least now i have an outline for one fic instead of being overwhelmed by having to come up with plots for 24 fics individually#the downside of this is that i had to give up some really cute AU ideas i had for some of the prompts 😔#including them in the plot i just outlined just wouldn't make sense :\#but yeah i'm actually so excited about the whole thing again that i almost started hyperventilating 😂#(imagine an overly-excited golden retriever waiting for playtime)#let's see how long this lasts :) but at least the task is now way easier to approach and definitely less overwhelming 😮💨
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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I feel like I never hear anyone talk about brain fog and maybe I just haven't interacted with enough chronically ill people but like seriously oh my god
brain fog is so fucking awful. I find it so fucking scary. Like yeah I know I just generally get really upset when I convince myself I'm stupid and brain fog makes me feel stupid sometimes but even outside of that like.. It makes me so fucking spacey and then everything starts to feel like fuzz and I can't think and I can't do anything and it's all! Fog! Like I've cried over this shit multiple times! And I've heard people talk about brain fog with just a casual "yeah it can make it kinda hard to think and kinda hard to remember stuff" as if that's the worse of it hhhh
#I'm obviously not experiencing the worst of it right now because if I was I would not be able to think clearly enough to write this#but I am foggy right now and I'm a little worried it might get worse and hhhh pleeeeease no#again I'm not trying to say no one at all talks about this that could entirely be me!#maybe it gets talked about a lot and I just wasn't seeing it when it was brought up#but I feel like especially with covid I would've expected to hear about it more so idk?#either way I just. idk I guess maybe I wished more people mentioned it#might make me feel less alone in this. and maybe might have made me more prepared when this was new#to me#anyway that is my ramble for the day
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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one of the guys that runs a reaction channel i've been watching for ages just announced that they're ending the channel next year bc he got a job offer and he's getting married and he's thinking about his family and his future and like...
my son in christ you are 21
i literally want to fucking die
#dont get me wrong! good for him! i'm happy for him#but he really said he started the channel when he was younger (turns out that was 18) and it felt like time to move on#i am 31 and only got the job i love a year and a half ago#i have been dating and living with the same person for... 10 years in 11 days and all i've ever wanted is to get married#(and be a mom but i dont think im ever getting that one but im gonna go ahead and focus on that one zero percent or i'll cry)#i say. like all of this doesnt make me want to cry lmao#i am so incredibly blessed to have what i have. like truly i ended up with the perfect sort of life for my awkward mentally ill ass#but i cannot NOT spiral just a little when people younger than me have the things i want so so bad and then also talk as if their young age#is older than it is. i know you feel mature and older but you are still so fucking young. and okay honestly - now that im rambling - thats#just part of it huh?? i mean a lot of the spiral is actually Wow. I really lost so much of my life (so much time. so many opportunities) to#mental illness and other shit i couldn't control and there are people who didn't fucking have that. there are people who didn't have to#deal with any of that!!! honestly!!! and you just.. dont do anything to prepare for the future when you do not expect there to be one for#so long and then you can't stop fucking everything up and then oh look! you're in your 30s and-#god i cannot fucking do this#it is 1:35 in the morning and im tired but now i feel really stubborn about going to bed. i should. i want to. but also i dont.#actually going to bed is where The Horrors are so#this really was the dumbest fucking shit i think im gonna go to bed & play p.m on my phone and try to be a little less pathetic#maison speaks
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#shut up kell#i need to yammer. somewhere.#i have too much fucking happening to my brain rn#monday is the eleventh anniversary of nana dying.#i was eleven when she died. i've had to fucking miss her for as long as i got to know her. i don't know what to do with this#every single day after monday will be another day longer than the time i got to spend on earth at the same time as her#and i'm not well! and that isn't going to be something i can deal with this weekend bc i am going to be so busy#i've got barbie on friday. i'm going to a cottage for the weekend with my friends for meg's sister's birthday#which i wanted to say no to due to the timing. but of course i said yes bc i can't say no to meg literally fucking ever bc i'm tragic.#and i also know the blackout i'd go into for the first nine years after isn't smth she would want for me. so i don't do it anymore.#i'm going to have fun and i'm going to be fine but i would be lying if i said i wasn't regretting this fucking thing rn. i don't wanna do it#i don't want to do anything. i want to have time to prepare myself for this. i need to have space to get myself ready for this shift.#but i won't get that. and then it will be monday and then i will be in the true After.#i thought ten years would be the worst one. that was nothing compared to this.#and i'm sick to my stomach thinking about next year#and the year after it. and the year after that. and the years after those.#i shouldn't have to go through this. she should have been allowed to stay. i wasn't ready then and i'm even less ready now and i want her.#i want her back and i cannot fucking have her and i will have to live however many more years beyond this without her until i'm gone too.#and then i'll just have to hope and pray that i get to go wherever she went without me.#what a cruel existence. what a horrid thing to make me do. having to keep walking this earth as her ash dances on the surface of the sea.#i'm going to bed. i will not feel better tomorrow but i'm used to that.#i'm okay and i always am and i will make it through. somehow. kicking and screaming the whole way.#i'd trade all my tomorrows for just one fucking yesterday. yeah. fuck off.
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Nothing brings me closer to the edge of "huh maybe I do have a touch of the autism" than shopping
#anne speaks#as in i fucking DESPISE it unless it's specifically catered to me#i need to be warned about it in advance. i need to know what time we're going. ideally i need to know what time we're done#i have to mentally prepare myself and dedicate a specific amount of energy for the act in advance#and so help me gods if i bring my mum i will full on rage quit within two hours#she's one for 'oh this piece of clothing might be good for you' then holds up the least me thing in the world#or goes all 'uhh i dont know...' concerned if it either shows too much cleavage or is not neat and feminine enough#and then on top of that is like#okay but that costs money so how about we go to an extra store that you werent prepared for to see if they have the same thing but cheaper#you CANNOT add to my mental list of what im expecting im running FAST out of my prepped energy and i WILL start snapping at u#she asked what i would like for my bday and i was like 'well okay i do wanna refresh my wardrobe a little'#she asked what im thinking of style wise but like a) how do i say mum you cant buy me clothes without me feeling like a silicon valley wife#and b) how do i say 'i want butch i want gender i want playful i miss my theatre days i want artist i want boho'#anyway. i have now been convinced to go shopping with my sister who is a lot more tolerable bc she's young and hip and less scared to play#but im still like 'okay what time? okay give me a second to think if i want to go? i need to mentally adjust'#and my mum kept saying 'oh you can go then and after youll come back together' THATS NOT A TIME MOTHER#i need to know! when im going!! so i know how much time i have to mentally prepare#anyway. this is my essay on why shopping makes me autistic#there is Very Little that does this to me. usually i embrace chaos#but oh man. yeah no thanks#anyway fingers crossed everyone that i come back from town looking artsy and gender
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I am enjoying the cooler weather that September has brought, It has been shorts and flannel weather for me, 15-25°c. And I cannot wait for winter or halloween! I love halloween
I haven't actually done anything to celebrate since I was 13, But I love decorating and I love seeing all the houses done up and every one dressed up all cool
#in other news I have had a sickness of the stomach for the past 4 weeks and it [praying and praying] seems to be clearing up#I have been able to eat 2 small meals and a regular sized supper without much pain for the last 3 days#up from only being able to eat a small amount at dinner time without being in extrem pain#my mum and sisters also had it but they recovered very quickly#my hypothesis is that alongside having the same disease that they had the fact that I had#been eating pre-prepared foods that contained ingredients I am intolerant of set off one of my classic auto-immune stomach inflamation bout#i had good reasons to be eating that food! i am living with my mum and i am not allowed to use the kitchen before 08:00 or after 13:00 and#I had been working full-time right up untill my first day back at college! 07:00 till 16:00! and now 08:30 till 15:00 at college#i anyone wants to know what I am intolerant of#egg red meat white meat seafood shellfish corn most oils lactose garlic several anti-caking agents#by intolerant I mean that eating any of those thing causes abdominal pain and less than ideal bowel movment
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i am going to fight god this fine monday morning because that fucker seems to have it out for me and it’s not even ten am
#i’m venting in the tags be warned#so basically#i wake up with a craving for kolaches and a cakeball from [local donut shop] bc their kolaches are top teir#however due to the logistics of living in a four person house with a two car garage in which everyone has their own car#my car is in the garage with two cars parked on the driveway behind it#i should have taken this as a sign#i did not#now at this moment i was the only one at home out of bed#and i didn’t want to make anyone get up to help me move cars around#and i don’t entirely trust myself with my brothers car anyway#but my mothers car was free!!#so i got dressed and went to her with a proposition:#if she would allow me to take her car to [local donut shop] i would bring her back whatever she wanted#she agreed so off i went#braving the monday morning traffic on the Main Road between me and kolache heaven#only to arrive at [local donut shop] and see a sign on the door#announcing that they would be closed for the week bc fourth of july#so now. i am tired. i am hungry. i am driving a car that i don’t like to drive. and my kolache dreams have been dashed#but!! there is another donut shop!! a local chain that also carries kolaches!!#sure they aren’t as good as local donut shops. but they’ll do in a pinch#local donut chain is as also closed this fine morning#i return home empty handed#accepting my fate of yet another day of egg and toast for breakfast#as i am preparing said egg and toast#i see my latte cup (the one i use every morning) in two pieces on the counter#so now here i am. with a sad latte-less egg breakfast#wearing clothes that are not currently comfortable#ranting on tumblr dot com to make myself feel better
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