#And loving others unconditionally gives us an opportunity to practice self-love unconditionally | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nanmernoe · 4 years ago

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Do not repost, thank you 💖

My visual interpretations of the original pride flag colors’ meanings and a tribute to BLM.

A loving prayer to black queer women, black trans women, black trans femmes, black trans mascs and black enbies anywhere in between or beyond below the cut. Edit (June 2, 2021): I changed “womxn” to “women”; I don’t see it necessary anymore to use an alternate word.

💗 I send love to those of you exploring your sexuality. I wish for you to be in vibration with the frequency of pleasure and to be confident and secure in your sexuality. I wish for you and your lover/partner to have very satisfying, amazing sex and for you to love your body and the ways it brings you pleasure. I wish for those of you still questioning your sexuality to still feel confidence and love for yourself and trust you’ll understand what it is some day.

❤ I send love to those of you taking care of new life, a new family, a growing family. I send love to those of you creating the life you’ve always desired. I wish for you to be in vibration of the frequency of a passionate, happy, healthy, wealthy, abundant life full of love and peace. I wish for you to attracting the life you’ve always dreamed of with ease and grace.

🧡 I send love to those of you who are in the process of healing mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I wish you to be in vibration of the frequency of healing your inner child’s wounds. I wish you to find safe environments to be yourself as well as attract empathetic, compassionate people in your life who support you in your healing and listen to you vent when you need to. I wish you to find a myriad of healthy ways to express your feelings and to always feel secure and in control of your life.

💛 I send love to those of you who have been a light in someone’s life, be it in family, at work, in school, in your community, with an acquaintance or with someone just in passing. I send love to those of you who are confident in who you are and bring cheer, joy and warmth in every environment you’re in. I wish you to be in vibration of the frequency of honest, direct, communication and positive, supportive friendships. I wish you to attract life-long friendships and to be in vibration of the frequency of confidence, self-respect, empowerment, good communication, warmth and joy.

💚 I send love to those of you with a strong connection to nature. I send love to those of you with a desire to healing the earth in every way you possibly can. I send love to those of you who recognize the earth’s healing is in fact our own healing because we’re connected. I wish for you to be in vibration of the frequency of stability, relaxation and harmony that nature gives us time and time again. I wish for your love and compassion to never die down. I wish for you to always be in vibration with love for the earth. I wish for you to be in frequency of attracting people you trust and who love you unconditionally and speak from their heart.

💚💙 I send love to those of you who are devoted to their friends, family and healing their community. I send love to those of you who have so much wisdom and find creative ways to share it. I wish you to have fun continuously and see inspiration everywhere. I wish for you to make an abundance of money in your desired career. I wish for you to attract all the right people, opportunities, information and money in order to manifest your dreams.

💙 I send love to those who are spiritually in-tuned, practice meditation, practice gratitude and take time to reflect on themselves and their experiences. I wish for those who aren’t quite aligned with that mentally yet to be on the frequency of spiritual growth and a strong connection to the universe and your higher self. I wish for you to be on the frequency of overwhelming gratitude for your life and to be mindful in the present moment as often as possible. I wish for you to be divinely guided in all of your decisions.

💜 I send love to those of you who are working on achieving long-term goals that benefit everyone in humanity. I salute the divinity in everyone who expresses unconditional love for human beings, who actively listen to other people’s stories and perspectives far different than their own. I hold so much love and gratitude to our ancestors and the elders in our physical realm who have experienced so much, learned so much and felt so much in their many years if living. I send love to those of you who make it their daily work to do their part in helping their community and healing the collective. I send love to those of you who are actively creating a world filled with positivity, empathy, compassion, light and beauty. I wish for you to be in vibration of the frequency of abundant positive energy and growth. I wish for you to experience so much love and care your whole life. I wish for you to be in the frequency of passion, inspiration and motivation. I wish for you to be in the frequency of manifesting everything that’s divinely right for you. I wish for you to radiate love and attract love. I wish for you to have good faith in humanity. I wish for human kind’s collective consciousness to be of abundance, gratitude and unconditional love.

#black lives matter #black queer lives matter #black lgbtq lives matter #black love #black joy #black girl magic #black enby #black trans women #black woman #black trans woman #black nonbinary #original pride flag #black parade #digital art #black artists on tumblr #suggestive //#nanmernoe

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mc-critical · 4 years ago

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hey, welcome back! hope your exams and stuff went well, and that you're doing fine now.

i wanted to hear your opinion on nigar hatun. i remember seeing one post of yours in which you said that she wasn't a favourite of yours like you favoured other characters and honestly, same. i didn't really much understand the fascination with her. she was an interesting character, but i can't imagine having her as a favourite when there are so many more characters who are far more interesting. i wish they gave her an alternate arc. idk what it could be, i'd like to hear your opinion on it. one alternative ending i came up for her is that she was extremely angry at ibrahim for toying with her and hatice for keeping her sweet little esmanur from her so she joins hurrem to defeat them? which hurrem did try but it didn't really go anywhere and nigar was against hurrem for killing ibrahim which just was kinda frustrating. they literally give hurrem no ally in the harem [except mihrimah later on but mihri is overall varying in terms of power] so it would be good for her to have some support in the harem from people who actually hated her enemies like her. she had actual political support from iskender celebi, rustem, and ayaz pasha and all, sure, but she didn't have much support in the harem, like all powerful women of the harem were against her. nigar obviously wasn't powerful like a sultan but she was an old member of the harem, was respected and even though she kinda lost her dignity with the scandal, she could've regained it with hurrem's help. sumbul was there later on but he was just a very faithful servant and didn't really have any real motive to harm any of hurrem's enemies except for out of his loyalty whilst nigar could've cultivated a hatred for hatice and ibrahim. this is a basic plot but i would've kinda liked seeing it. there can be many more ways her character could've ended but it would be good seeing a woman who didn't bow to her feelings all the time. the sultanas couldn't really control their feelings when it came to love because they were princesses who were used to getting what they wanted most of the time but nigar was a servant who also suffered the hardships of slavery and it obviously would've made her tougher as a person so she could control her feelings better; idk, i feel like this is an aspect of women they could've explored [or if they did explore it, i don't remember it lol my memory lapses a lot so i don't remember the show 100%] anyway, would like to hear your thoughts on nigar. thank you. welcome back again <3

Thank you! <33 Yup, I'm fine and the exams went well. Happy Pride month to you, too! 🏳️‍🌈

Hehe, I wrote that post years ago and while Nigar still isn't one of my absolute favourite characters, I've warmed up to her quite a bit. And honestly, now with the wider experience in the fandom, I can say that she isn't all that loved as it looks like. I then was under the limited wrong impression that the BG Mamma forum was a metric of all the popular opinions and yes, they loved Nigar a lot and I was sometimes confused as to why, but really, that and the Russian fanbase are the only places I have encountered that appreciate her all that much. There are characters I find more interesting than her, that's for sure, but she has her charm and I'm firmly against people reducing her to "evil" or "manipulative" or "weak after she fell in love with Ibrahim", so forth.

The thing she sets her first impression with is her intelligence caused by her relatively high experience in the harem. The advice she gave to Hürrem opened the path to her whole goal (as she herself acknowledged in E41) and that makes for quite an impact for a more recurring character. Despite of this, I never viewed early Nigar as someone taking an open side, hence I didn't find her supposed betrayal to Hürrem surprising in the slightest: she is also trying to survive in this environment in any way she knows how and she can't really find a fully comfortable position, because she is well aware that everyone is thinking for their own gain in the end. Including her. So the only choice she has left is to direct herself to where the wind is blowing and get advantages for herself once she gets the chance. Because all the experience has taught her to repress her feelings (E10 to Hürrem: "In this castle you can't show weakness."), opt to be the more level-headed person and seek for the more pragmatic solutions.

And yet she is very sensitive and perceptive to people that are different than the others or that are in need and is willing to lend them her hand. She adviced and helped Hürrem because she found potential in her, because she wanted to see her succeed, but not through endangering her own self or other people in the process (she told Hürrem that her game had gone too far again in E41), but through negotiation, compromise and adaption, to know when to start and when to stop and be respectful to those above her, no matter how hard or limiting that may look in Hürrem's eyes. Hürrem had the tendency in viewing every sign of support that came to her as granted, she still had that naive part of innocence in her in S01 and early on was in a desparate need of someone to lean on and unconditionally follow her path, that's why when Nigar diverted from that path, it hurt and took her a while to start trusting her again. But I didn't see Nigar as all that attached to Hürrem as Hürrem herself thought she was, especially with how Nigar became stuck between two sultanas later in S01 and that rendered her lost and more insecure than usual.

That's also why I don't view her as a two-faced or hypocritical double-crosser. Because for the longest time, Nigar was the one character in the series before Rüstem appeared that was clearly thinking about her own benefit and survival first and foremost from the beginning when darting between the powerful people in the harem and was the one well aware that she simply can't cling to a single side in her own position. Positions aren't permanent and can always change in such circumstances, so why can't she take advantage of this? Because who cares as much about the feelings for a Kalfa they can still order around after all? She has faced disregard from Mahidevran, Hürrem, Ibrahim and even Hatice. It is pretty understandable that she's going to seek the best opportunity for herself.

That whole facade breaks when she falls in love with Ibrahim. During rewatch, I found myself to have a soft spot for this character deconstruction, especially in S02. I know that it came to pass because of her falling in love with a man that doesn't share the same feelings and there were moments where it looked like she overdid it, even in S02, but for me, the whole thing nicely added a new layer of depth, while still feeling true to Nigar's character. Her future relationship with Ibrahim had been building up back in S01, when Ibrahim (both inadvertently and not I fully believe) played a part in helping her solve the first internal conflict she had (that is the struggle between the two sultanas). Maybe this didn't mean that much to Ibrahim, maybe he was simply trying to be helpful, but it meant a lot to Nigar - that was probably the first time someone seemed to take her feelings into account and actually listen when she couldn't help, but crack under the pressure. So it is only natural that she would search for this source of comfort once again, being ready to face every risk in the process. When she is appointed to Hatice and Ibrahim's castle, when she's practically left alone with Ibrahim, she decides to take that chance, to taste the forbidden fruit. He gave her something she never received and due to her not allowing herself to show weakness and having to cave to everyone else's demands before that, every ounce of affection Ibrahim shows her, it means the world to her. Thus she begins to idealize what she has with him, to the point of denial and delusion, and centers her loyalty completely on him. But that loyalty never seems to falter. She began to resent and/or hate everyone who could possibly stand in Ibrahim's way, something she wouldn't have ever done before. She keeps her level-headed self and intelligence (I don't think that this plot line reduced it in any way, not even when she was at her worst.) and she's ready to take any opportunity for herself (case in point: her marriage with Rüstem.), but now her softer sides and her wish for affection are showing all the more.

The problem I have with Nigar's character, writing-wise, and now that I think about it, the main subject of why I didn't get the deal with her back then (along with considering her S01 self bland.. somehow?), is her S03B characterization. While her falling in love with Ibrahim plot-line became an important part of S02 Nigar's storyline, I don't think it overshadowed or dominated over her other characteristics, making for a neat balance of traits and an interesting, nuanced character. In an attempt to keep her for longest time possible in the story, S03B flanderized her in every possible way and overexaggerated her biggest strengths and flaws until they became stale and unbelievable. Her love for Ibrahim read as а near obsession narratively and her opportunism coupled with her will for revenge, which put her into many repetitive intrigues. At one point I even felt she was reduced to a plot-device (the moment Şah Sultan appointed her as a spy) and she felt a little too purposeless and to have totally outstayed her welcome until her last moment in the series.

The root of this problem is again, that they just didn't know when to stop with Nigar. To be brutally honest, she had no long-term role left to play after Ibrahim's death and it was time for the writers to let her go and maintain her generally strong characterization. The ending I would've chosen for her is to simply have Matrakcı give her Esmanur's location and for her to live with her daughter in piece. I know that because of the tonal shift, the show seemed to be already inclined that everyone had to have a tragic ending of sorts, to underline the growing ruthlessness and cruelty of the themes, but I fully believe that Nigar was one of the only characters that were terribly forced through their tragic endings. She didn't need, nor deserve a tragic ending and I doubt it would've been such a problem for the half-season if she didn't get one. I find a happier ending to be perfectly fine for Nigar and I would've loved to see it, if only for a freshness in ideas for character endings. I loved her Esmanur storyline and to witness her finding happiness with her, the only solace she had left, would have been a great wrap up of her S03 plots and an amazing send-off to Nigar's character.

I appreciate the thought you have put into your ending for her and to be fair, your proposal would be much better than anything S03B gave us. It would nearly correspond with the revenge plot of hers they were going for and it would be something more original at the same time. Hürrem's principal lack of allies doesn't bother me as a fact alone, because all her enemies have understandable reasons to be against her, but what bothers me however, is when the writers try using it to dumb her enemies down and make them doom themselves through their own failings or outright use it to put forced (often soapy) conflicts to make the audience sympathize with Hürrem. Or to make everyone "mistitle" her (is that a word? probably not.) or disrespect her on purpose again for sympathy points (that go beyond the part of her motivation that wants to feel respected and does stuff out of fear not to fall under a less favorable position once again.), without changing the status-quo until say, S04.

It is so deliberate it becomes annoying and seeing something else for a change... honestly, gimme! While I personally prefer a happy ending for Nigar, I would live for Nigar and Hürrem to work together again, while keeping what's become her central motivation intact. It may seem a little OOC for Nigar to work for Hürrem by that point, because she's channeled her loss of the most precious people into rage on those that have taken them away, but it would be a decent shifting of gears and a reverence to her opportunism to work to eradicate those she hates for good, even if it means doing so with one of your bigger enemies. After all, after the mission is fulfilled, she could still work against Hürrem in some way, right?

[Tell me if I got what you meant wrongly, but there is an example of a dynasty sultana putting her love feelings behind and by that I mean Şah Sultan. Her love is in the past by the point she arrived in the castle and her love for Ibrahim is only used as a conflict between her and Hatice, which they get over relatively quick. Sisterly love and ambition are a much bigger priority of Şah's: she cared about Hatice past any resentment she may have harbored over the years and agreed to share her life with Lütfi for the advantage this may bring, even though she didn't love him at all. She divorced him only when he offended the pride of a woman and her own personal pride. Other than that, we indeed didn't have a female character in MC that puts her feelings behind in design as far as I recall, only ones that end up clinging to them completely like Nigar here or ones that let go of them eventually like Mahidevran. Characters that have this design by default are more present in MCK like Safiye, or Turhan, or especially Gülbahar, but as I've said many times, MCK is more ruthless, while MC is more about the personal feelings of the characters, hence every motivation they have is somehow tied to them.]

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhtesem yuzyil #nigar kalfa #nigar hatun #ask #mihrimah-sultan-can-rail-me

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thewooreview · 3 years ago

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daily meditation: a shower for your brain

"I'm so busy today, that I'm going to meditate for 2 hours instead of 1.” -Ghandi

Daily meditation has numerous benefits, one of the most relevant being that it’s a free and effective way to treat anxiety.

I use Insight Timer, a free app with guided meditations and a timer. Try meditating for 10 days in a row, and I guarantee you’ll feel different.

A Shower for Your Brain

Meditation is part of a healthy mental hygiene routine. You can think of it as a shower for your brain. You learn to watch your busy thoughts and let them pass by you without judgement instead of chasing them down their respective rabbit holes. It teaches you how to observe your emotions without getting plugged in.

A friend once explained how her daily meditation practice helped her get to know herself better, giving her a clear understanding of what was her stuff and what wasn’t. (My dad always says that ‘everyone has a tape playing in their head’. Brené Brown would call this the stories we tell ourselves, often related to shame.)

Last year I developed a morning meditation practice thanks to the Nature of Work. I practice daily in the morning, after I walk my dog and do a short home yoga practice (watch my morning movement and evening movement favourites, here). Although I haven’t always been strict with it, I’ve found it to be the most impactful practice I can do to improve each day.

Benefits of meditation

Some of the scientifically proven benefits of meditation include improvements to:

mental health

compassion

mood

stress management

happiness

connection

self-control

brain function

focus and productivity

wisdom

humbleness

Types of Meditation

There are many practices to choose from, so you should be able to find one that suits you.

Practice Makes Perfect

The best way to develop a new habit is to establish one new routine at a time, ideally on a set schedule (ie. meditating at the same time every day). Monitoring new habits also helps them stick, so consider tracking this in your agenda or on a checklist.

Learn with Meditation Apps

Although a big part of mental hygiene is in device management (ie. limiting screen time and notifications), there are many meditation apps that can help with your practice.

Insight Timer is used by over 11.4 million people and has the largest free library of meditations, with over 3,000 titles. These are the mantras of my favourite morning mediation by Johnathan Lehmann, former Wall Street lawyer turned meditation guide. There’s a link to the meditation at the bottom of this post.

I make plans, but I remain flexible and open to the surprises that life has in store for me. I try to say yes as often as possible.

I cultivate patience, and by doing so I also cultivate self confidence.

I welcome the opportunity to step outside of my comfort zone and I do not let myself be guided by fear.

I love myself unconditionally because it is essential to my happiness. I love the person that I aml and I do not need other people’s approval to love myself.

I am going to drink water, eat fruit and vegetables, walk, take the stairs, and exercise. Today I’m giving love to my body.

I give everywhere I go, even if it’s only a smile, a compliment, or my full attention. Listening is the best gift I can give to those around me.

I try to be impeccable iwth my word and to only spread positivity. It’s counter productive to my happiness to speak against myself or against others.

“Don't treat yourself so gingerly; you can let go of stuff. Sometimes it takes three breaths instead of two to do it, but you can do it. Be a little tougher and don't cling to stuff. People go around carrying everybody's stuff all of the time. I just pick it up and put it down. Pick it up and put it down.”

-Ram Das

Try Johnathan’s free morning meditation via Insight Timer or YouTube

Image: Christian Weber, via Pinterest

#meditation #free #self care #selfcare

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lilithiansun · 4 years ago

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August 2020 for 𝓟𝓲𝓼𝓬𝓮𝓼 🌊

Sophie Turner (Pisces Sun)

♓︎ Pisces Sun ☼

Oracle Card - Waxing Crescent Moon: “Have faith in your dreams” You are in the beginning of your journey and nowhere near the end. Keep pushing and remind yourself that there are no failures - just obstacles and challenges you have to overcome on your way to your goals.

The Self & Spirituality - The Moon This month you will find yourself daydreaming frequently. This doesn’t mean though that you will not take action. You are trying your best to make those dreams come true. At the same time you are suspicious of others and find it hard to trust them. Spiritually, it will be all about intuition for you. It is stronger and more developed than ever. You are open for receiving message from the universe. Pay attention, then you won’t miss anything!

Love & Relationships - Eight of Wands Your relationship is advancing quickly and the two of you might get some news soon. For some of you that could even be a pregnancy! Don’t be scared of whatever the Universe is throwing at you, since the two of you can master anything together! If you are single, you might fall quickly for others and they might fall for you just as quickly. It will be an interesting roller-coaster for sure - very intense. What you make of it is up to you.

Career & Finances - Temperance When it comes to your career/job, the universe is asking you to be patient in August. Now is a good time to start planning and setting new career goals. Your hard work is not going unnoticed but now is not the time for you to do anything hasty. Just wait and see what happens. Things are set in motion already. Financially, things will be more stable for you. Your debts will decrease but you need to reevaluate your relationship with money.

♓︎ Pisces Moon ☽

Oracle Card - New Moon in Gemini: “Communication is key” Any form of communication is the key to solving your problems. Talk about what is bothering you to someone or try to journal. Anything is fine, as long as you form words.

The Self & Spirituality - Ten of Cups This month you are hard-working, gentle, spiritual and kind. There is some kind of inner peace within you, making you feel somewhat serene. However, conflict is something you try to avoid at all costs, threatening your inner peace. Spiritually, you are feeling happy and quite lucky.

Love & Relationships - Six of Pentacles Both you and your partner benefit a lot from this relationship - not only emotion-wise but also significantly material-wise, as the Suit of Pentacles is a more practical and material one. However, for some of you there might be some kind of imbalance. You might give more than your partner does or vice-versa - it might be the source of some arguments in this month. If you are single, you might attract someone who is very giving and generous by simply being your optimistic and positive self. The Universe is advising you to be open!

Career & Finances - Three of Swords Your job is causing you great pain in August. You might lose your job, be bored and discontent with it or have some issues with your co-workers. If you do experience issues with your colleagues, try to solve them by communicating, having an honest conversation can sometimes do wonders. Financially, it doesn’t look to good either. Try to make a plan on how to secure a budget in case things get gloomy.

♓︎ Pisces Rising ↗

Oracle Card - Disseminating Moon: “Take time to breathe out” You are in dire need of some break. Enjoy the pleasures of life, chill a bit and relax. You deserve it!

The Self & Spirituality - Eight of Pentacles This month you are a lot into acquiring new knowledge and learning new skills. Especially things that require you to use your hands because the suit of pentacles is a very practical one. Even if you are not driven to learn anything new, you will still be very committed, devoted and hardworking. Be careful of not getting stuck in small details, while you fail to see the whole thing. Spiritually, you need the same kind of dedication here as well in order find inner wisdom. Continue working on improving your spiritual abilities, don’t give up on them.

Love & Relationships - King of Pentacles The relationship that the two of you share will gain in stability and seriousness - but it may also be a bit fixed and “stagnant”. If you are not happy with how things are then you need to make an effort to change it or else things will stay as they are. Honesty is really important. If you are single, you might be lucky in finding the perfect partner for you. Someone, who can love you unconditionally. Enjoy the pleasures of life that money can give you.

Career & Finances - Knight of Wands You have so much energy and you are making good use of it at work. Volunteer for new tasks and responsibilities as they will give you great opportunities to reach your goal. The Universe knows that you have what it takes. This might as well attract people that may be very beneficial to you. Financially, this is a reminder to invest for your retirement if you haven’t already.

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graffitibible · 5 years ago

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PLEASE dig more into the intricacies of ghoul and gogo's relationship I'd LOVE to hear more!!

OH THANK GOD, i have SO MANY THOTS about this relationship

im putting this under a cut because it got. ridiculously long lmao. im sorry you can indulge me if you want

one of the hardest things about writing ghouls pov is that he is, consistently, a ridiculously unreliable narrator. their awareness of themself and other people is on so many different levels of disordered thinking and his sense of self is so distorted by a chemical cocktail of neuroses, compartmentalized trauma, and a lifetime of severe self-loathing. they’re like ten layers deep into this mental bullshit and don’t have the tools to unpack it. whenever ghoul meets someone new, theres a fundamental paranoia and fear regarding what their motives might be in regards to him. thats why they approach everything with so much defensiveness and the general assumption that someone has an ulterior motive. this is actually pretty common coming from kids with roughed up backgrounds like ghoul’s. unprompted kindness absolutely terrifies him because they assume theres some kind of trick there - historically, all the people in his life who were supposed to be “safe” weren’t so this is one of the rules of the world that ghoul’s internalized as fact. and because ghoul is scared basically all the time they tend to grab that fear and channel it into being angry instead because that nets him more control of the situation.

basically: ghoul is two thousand tons of radioactive maladaptive coping mechanisms packed into a five foot two goblin who hates the idea of being scared all the time and has chosen instead to channel all that fear into being An Absolute Nightmare.

narratively, i needed ghoul to have at least one positive relationship in his life so that there was a basis for some good relationships in the fabulous four collective. i needed ghoul to have some kind of context of “this is what it’s like to trust someone, this is what it’s like to love someone so goddamn much you’d do unspeakable things to keep them safe, this is what it’s like to have someone in your life who has your back unconditionally.” granted, thats not how this relationship ended, but at least for a minute there, gogo and ghoul had each other’s backs. that was important because i needed ghoul to have some experience in navigating a positive relationship.

it wasn’t originally gonna be newsagogo, but i did know that gogo was gonna cross paths with ghoul prior to their run-in with poison and kobra - this was something i settled on sometime while i was writing part two of “starry-eyed.” gogo was meant to be a) one of the ways to contextualize a lot of the Shit in the zones that ghoul didn’t have an opportunity to learn about on their own time and b) one of the key ways that ghoul gets to cement a real genuine sense of justice. prior to that, ghoul had this unfocused hatred of bli the way most people in the zones do but didn’t have a real big picture understanding of how best to chip away at that kinda construct. the closest thing to it was gangs that were super bloodthirsty and liked to hunt dracs for sport but these groups weren’t interested in dismantling the institution of bli, just the catharsis of blasting dracs to hell and back. so when i got to this run-in proper, there were enough similarities in their characters (both tech-heads, both with some deep-seated vendettas against bli, both prone to couching their Real Problems in humor and deflection, etc.) for me to go “hang on.....what if....” and i could kill 2 birds with one narrative stone.

that being said oh man i did not expect writing that relationship to hurt the way it did.

because on a lot of levels, these two really got each other! ghoul can read gogo’s expressions and body language so easy. ghoul, like jet, is an extrovert; he recharges best around people they trust. gogo’s the same. like, one thing i feel like i didn’t do well enough in that chapter was cement that, objectively speaking, gogo didn’t strictly need ghoul’s help. newsagogo is fully capable of setting up and running that station all on their own. ghoul suspected this from the start, sure, but gogo has a good grasp of tech and could probably do most of the setup herself. BUT she offers this hand to him because she doesn’t like running this station alone. she likes people and likes being around people - hence why she’s so desperate to get herself really networked into the desert and capable of calling up other dj buddies of hers. it’s pretty common practice for a dj to have a partner or team to back them up (in case they need a runner, in case they need to pack their stuff and go, in case they need someone to spot them, etc.) so gogo was in the market for that - and ghoul was a good candidate. a tech-brain, someone good with radios and obscure gear? that’s ideal runner material, and gogo doesn’t have to do this shit on her own.

and newsagogo was a really good influence on ghoul in a lot of ways. she’s the first person to go “hey let’s just do shit for fun” without any ulterior motive. takes them out drinking for fun, likes to drink soda on the roof for fun (this did not always end well but the intention was in the right place). that’s a new thing for ghoul, who’s always felt fundamentally unwanted. in every group and crew and relationship he’s had prior to this one, there was always the undercurrent of “they’re using me. they’re using me and once they’re done using me they’re gonna ditch me or kill me.” so while gogo’s doing these casual bonding activities ghoul is like WHAT IS THE ULTERIOR MOTIVE HERE and their paranoia is eating away at him and theres really honestly no other shoe that needs to drop here but thats not something that registers on ghoul’s radar.

even with that rocky start ghoul was picking up a lotta stuff from gogo, like that aforementioned sense of justice. and it was with a positive relationship like that one that i could bring out just how person-oriented fun ghoul is. like, the way i write the fab four, someone like party poison is task-oriented. fun ghoul (and jet star, actually) are both person-oriented. that’s why fun ghoul becomes so ride-or-die for newsagogo. this is actually like...their default state of being if allowed to get close to people lol. fun ghoul has a distorted sense of self that causes him to rank their own safety and self-worth way below everyone else’s along with a default propensity to love people...deeply. ghoul loves people ungently. they love people with everything they are. will easily put himself in a position to die if it means that the people they love are safe. part of this is setting up just how easy it was for the fab four and ghoul in particular to make that suicidal, sacrificial call in “SING” but part of this is just who fun ghoul is as a person. so when gogo gets hurt, ghoul goes ahead and conjures up every scrap of leverage he has against tommy chow mein and basically sets it on fire because that’s what ghoul loving someone is like. it’s ghoul trying to take apart anything that threatens the people they give a shit about and being wholly capable and willing to set himself on fire to keep the people they love warm.

they complimented each other incredibly well in a way that surprised me. like, ghoul gets people in a way gogo doesn’t, and vice versa. gogo has the attack plan and knows how they intend to set about dismantling bli with careful, calculated movements, but ghouls the one that suggests “hey, you know that if youre a dj you actually have a lot of political capital in the zones, technically??” like not with those words but thats the basic gist behind what they suggested. prior to that it didn’t occur to gogo to use DJing as a route to get what they needed but DJs have a lot of clout in the zones with the right crowds and ghoul’s hunch turned out to be correct. gogo’s the person who can do the face-to-face interactions in a clear and concise way, who can sell good headlines on the airwaves, but ghouls the one who comes at those interactions with the requisite suspicion to realize when things could be off - it’s that paranoid initiative that saves gogo’s life when that bomb goes off.

ofc once ghoul realized that they gave this much of a shit about newsagogo he immediately tried to stop thinking about it because this kind of unconditional caring for someone? that’s brand new. and it terrifies the shit out of him. because all of a sudden, ghoul doesn’t have the handy back door that they’ve always had. if shit really gets bad, he tells himself consistently, they can just leave. they can ditch whoever they’re with and it’ll be fine. but when ghoul gives this much of a shit about someone, the idea of leaving feels like trying to carve your heart out with a spoon. every time gogo expressed this casual affection ghoul does his best to brush it aside or willfully forget it - but they dont, really. subconsciously that’s always there. and no matter what kind of bad blood manages to end up between them, ghoul can’t forget that this is the first person who he actually wanted to call a friend; they keep that pendant gogo gave him for the rest of their life.

but ultimately, the pair of them fell apart because they both grew in such a way that they couldnt be in each other’s lives forever. gogo prioritizes the cause over her interpersonal relationships; that’s just the kind of person they are in this stage of rebellion against bli. gogo can look at her personal happiness and acknowledge that something like that is secondary to their goals. war is about sacrifice and gogo understands this. newsagogo knows that she might not survive to the end of it, knows full well that their agents might not survive to the end of it, and has accepted these consequences. losing some of their agents doesn’t shake gogo the same way it does ghoul.

because ghoul’s the kind of person who can’t accept that. this is the first positive relationship he’s had in their life and he doesn’t wanna lose it. he doesn’t wanna lose newsagogo over a big blanket cause. the seeds for that kind of “will die bleeding for this cause” are there, but ghoul is a socially-oriented person and very person-oriented in general. and fundamentally, fun ghoul is a deeply compassionate person who can’t help but empathize: the micro will always supersede the macro. it’s easier for ghoul to charge into battery city to save a little girl than it would to charge into battery city for a vaguely defined reason that might further a broader cause.

unfortunately, because gogo and ghoul had two such different approaches to this and because ghoul is a volatile person, they did that thing where uh. again, this is pretty common in abuse survivors, but ghoul did that thing where he detonates their positive relationships because this was always a foregone conclusion to someone ensconced in so many paranoid maladaptive coping mechanisms and at least this way, with ghoul going off, the relationship gets to detonate in a way that ghoul can control. a lot of those moments where ghoul acts like an absolute little nightmare have to do with that notion of control; this way, fun ghoul gets to decide when and how the relationship ends and for someone who did not get a lot of control over anything in their early life, this is how he compensates.

i wrote this fuckin. tragic “friends who drifted apart, who didn’t see the cracks in the foundation of their relationship until they were using them to splinter themselves away from each other” with no basis in anything canon and fucked myself up over it and why did i do this?

this was an essay and a half but yeah feel free to yell at me about newsagogo and fun ghoul cause THATS a niche fucking friendship i didnt expect to mess me up the way it did

#danger days #fun ghoul #newsagogo #anon #*fabrication #i feel like i didnt even touch on everything lol #me tears in my eyes: im doing this for narrative purposes. it is for narrative purposes #i tricked myself into caring about this friendship and then it hurt. oh lord but it hurt #oh yes almost forgot: cw for some brief mention of abuse #its more like 'this is a mindset significant/common to abuse survivors' but stay safe friendos #ohhh my god tumblr what did you do to cut feature why is it like that #functional. functional website!

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ofcloudsandstars · 5 years ago

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Celestial Forecast

Week July 6 - 12

Highlights:

On Tuesday the 7th, Eros moves into Gemini

On Wednesday the 8th, Ceres goes into Retrograde

On Saturday the 11th, Venus and Juno are in a beneficial trine that lasts for 4 days! A great time for abundance and love magic.

On Sunday the 12th, Mercury is direct yet Chiron goes into retrograde

SORRY AGAIN that this is late but boy oh boy what a week I had (imagine going back to work in hospitality catering to rude rich people on CAPRICORN FULL MOON ECLIPSE ugh just.. a lot of work and crazy shifts around work). Anyway this week seems to be focused on healing, what makes us feel loved and nurtured and creating active change around it. It's going to feel very 'peak' Cancer season with everything happening, but something to look forward to at the end of this week is Venus and Juno making a beneficial trine which can help us bring in any love or alignment with our values that will start at the end of the week (around with Mercury will go direct!) and last for four days.

Notes: I've stopped charting Psyche. Times are set to UTC.

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6th

Uranus in Taurus sextiles Vesta in Cancer ☾♑ Moon Conjunct Saturn rx in Capricorn ☾ VOC 9:35 - 10:08 ☾♒ Moon enters Aquarius ☾♒ Moon Trines Sappho in Libra then Venus in Gemini ☾♒ Moon Sextiles Mars in Aries

Energy: Today's overall theme is Uranus in Taurus sextiling Vesta in Cancer. This energy will create a push for change or experimentation with our work ethic and methods to attain our goals. The lunar aspects will reflect this in it's hourly chapters as it wraps up it's transit in Capricorn which helps us focus on our responsibilities and tasks and move into Aquarius that will help us expand our perspective and come up with new ideas. The moon will conjunct Saturn rx in Capricorn combining the twp energies to create a mood of inner work and focusing on tasks we need to complete or revisit. This responsible window of time will coincide with when the moon will have a beneficial trine with Psyche in Taurus which will have a subtle yet beneficial effect if we focus our energy towards overcoming karmic obstacles or connecting with our innermost self. We may find we could do that with ease at this time. The moon will go void of course for an hour giving us a break to rest then enter Aquarius which helps us to expand our perspective and innovate. The moon will trine Sappho in Libra then Venus in Gemini creating a harmonious balance between our emotions, our philosophies and attractions and our values. This energy together can help us to focus on work that is meaningful to us and with Uranus sextiling Vesta can bring additional perspectives and change in work ethic to align with these values. Additionally the moon will sextile Mars in Aries giving us a positive push and burst of energy to focus on our goals, undertake any challenges and find the motivation to go after our desires.

Recommendations: With all the saturn-influenced energies and Mars's beneficial influence, the focus may bring us to a physical plane where we will want to focus on getting stuff done. It's a good day for energy work based meditation focusing on the root base energy and listening to Mars or Saturn's frequencies while getting things done. A lot of 'heavy lifting' when it comes to doing work can be accomplished today.

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7th

Eros moves into Gemini ☾♒ Moon Squares Uranus in Taurus ☾♒ Moon Trines Juno in Libra ☾♒ Moon Sextiles Chiron in Aries

Energy: The asteroid of desire and passion moves into Eros today! We can find sources of motivation and fuel for our passionate fire in areas of communication and mental connection. It will feel easier to communicate our desires and we can find passion in exchanging ideas. Flirting and sex may see more dirty talk. Words will have more power of seduction behind them in this cycle. The moon will first trine Juno in Libra and Sextile Chiron in Aries around the same time. The trine will bring a harmonious alignment with our admiration and where we wish to devote ourselves to. This subtle yet beneficial window of time is great for attracting opportunities to you that resonate with you and where you want to commit yourself to, as well as love and attraction magic for people you'd want in your life. With the sextile with Chiron, this energy also has a push to create healing and find solutions. If you've felt blocked from this opportunity before, the Moon and Chiron sextile can help you understand the past, heal from it and try a new tactic to bring about what you need. Lastly the moon will square Uranus in Taurus which could bring a period of tension with wanting to bring change. This can cause a period of reflection where we can observe which areas in our life need to be shifted or it can create impulsivity which is not always encouraged or else chaos can ensue. This time is good to reflect and try to focus on how you can bring change that is needed instead of trying to act on it immediately. (Also after a square in a few days comes a trine or sextile so it's beneficial energy to bring about whatever you need as the energies will be balanced and flow together or have a positive push for you to act on it).

Recommendations: Eros is a fun planet to play with so do some energy work with channeling it's energy. Do a freewriting exercise expressing your desires and see what comes out. With the Uranus square it's a good time to reflect on what you would like to change in your personal life. Take notes and plan but do not take action yet. The moon trining Juno is a good time for doing manifestation or attraction magic on what we want to align ourselves with or commit ourselves to. If you already have that in your life it's a good time to spend energy on it. Lastly with the moon and Chiron sextile it's a prime time to do shadow work as a lot of break-throughs and healing can be accomplished in this time frame. The moon in Aquarius is a great time for new perspectives and change so all of this can help us to expand ourselves and evolve.

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8th

Ceres goes into Retrograde Mercury rx in Cancer sextiles Uranus in Taurus

☾ VOC 4:37 - 18:12 ☾♓ Moon enters Pisces ☾♓ Moon Squares Eros in Gemini

Energy: Ceres the minor planet of nurturing and caring goes retrograde today which will add an interesting and emotional flavor to the already dramatic and emotional Cancer season. Ceres retrograde means that nurturing will be focused on the self along with sacrifices that we may need to make in order to not smother others or opportunities with clinging on them too tightly. This can be things such as letting babies, metaphorically or literally leave the nest, letting go of anything that makes you feel nurtured or comforted that is no longer serving your or relinquishing your grasp on anything that needs to grow on it's own. It also means you will be focusing way more on caring for yourself and your needs. This retrograde will also highlight if you've been blocking the love and support others have been trying to give you. Sometimes the most cruel person in our lives are ourselves and this calls us to love ourselves unconditionally. Ceres retrograde does NOT do well with codependent relationships. You can find cold rude awakenings if you are currently in one. This retrograde can also make others feel a bit colder and affections be withdrawn in most relationships. On a concerning note this can affect crops and food especially if the way we nurture the land isn't good. This retrograde will bring harsh lessons in regards to the environment and our food cultivation and distribution. I'd hope it would not come to that but with the direction the world is going, this retrograde could bring those themes to the surface.

Today we also have Mercury in retrograde sextiling Uranus in Taurus. The Sextile is a positive push for us to review our inner mental landscapes and change our habits or any mentalities no longer serving us especially when it comes to our emotions. This sextile has the opportunities to bring epiphanies and new perspectives on our emotional and mental health. With Ceres going retrograde we may notice it more. The moon will enter spiritual pisces and square Eros in Gemini. This square often brings tension when it comes to us connecting with our desires and perusing them. We may feel a source of frustration when it comes to fulfilling our desires and may feel the urge to act impulsively yet squares can create difficulties with action as it's a better time to reflect. Observe what your desires are and write them down. With every square comes a sextile or trine a few days later and it's opportune energy to project manifestations on to bring what you need. Squares help push our emotions and feelings to the surface so we can review what bothers us in order to plan our next move.

Recommendations: The themes of inner change continue and it's good to focus on which habits we'd like to shed in this time. With Ceres going retrograde it's time we really start thinking about what self care means and taking care of our mental health. If you have a journal it's good to create focus on these themes as this retrograde will bring lessons regarding this area of our lives. Additionally self care and self nurturing can be achieved through earth-based magic. On a practical magic level this is an opportune time to focus on how to learn how to grow food and feed yourself. Even if you live without a yard you can look into learning about container gardening. ___________

9th

☾♓ Moon Conjunct Ceres rx in Pisces ☾♓ Moon Squares Venus in Gemini ☾♓ Moon Trines Mercury rx then Vesta in Cancer ☾♓ Moon Sextiles Uranus in Taurus

Energy: Today will feel heavily emotional and focused on our sense of emotional security and what makes us feel nurtured. We will definitely feel the influence of Ceres's retrograde with the moon in conjunction in Pisces. Our emotions regarding the areas in our life where we need more nurturing, where we could be blocking this from ourselves and what we need to let go of in regards to our sense of inner care (or actions that block us from this) will be at the forefront of our emotions. This can be amplified by the moon squaring Venus in Gemini creating tension where we may feel we need to be more loved and supported. This can make an unsavory combination for some to want to rush into relationships to feel secure but it's ill advised. Additionally these lunar transits, though short, can make people feel depressed especially with the moon in watery Pisces. The moon will trine Mercury rx and Vesta in Cancer. With the trine with Mercury rx, it will create a harmonious balance with our inner emotional landscape and understanding the source of our emotions. With Vesta there will be a balance with inner work ethic. Lastly the moon will sextile Uranus in Taurus which will push us for positive change. Even if today may feel emotionally heavy, the Uranus sextile will help us to create the positive changes needed on a personal level to overcome our situations.

Recommendations: This is a really good time for reflection and shadow work regarding inner love and self care with the moon conjunct Ceres rx, it's square with Venus and it's trine with Mercury rx. What you may find upon reflection will benefit you in the days to come especially at the end of the week when mercury is direct and Venus and Juno are in a trine. Additionally this reflection can help create positive change in our personal lives when the moon will sextile Uranus in Taurus.

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10th

☾♓ Moon Conjunct Neptune rx in Pisces ☾♓ Moon Trines Sun in Cancer ☾♓ Moon Sextiles Jupiter rx and Pluto rx in Capricorn

Energy: The moon's transit through sensitive pisces continues on as it conjuncts Neptune rx in Pisces highlighting our inner sources of faith and what makes us feel aligned spiritually. Usually this transit can create a sense of other-worldliness and a thinning veil yet with Neptune in retrograde, a lot of harsh truths and deceptions can be revealed for what they truly are. However Neptune rx still produces a lot of scammers for some reason so be wary during this transit to not fall under any illusions or deceptions or else you'll learn the hard retrograde lesson and get scammed. Positively the moon trines the Sun in Cancer today creating a balance of energy that adds a beneficial boost to our magic and activities. The moon is waning so this gibbous trine is good for seizing opportunities, especially when it comes to reaping rewards towards projects or endeavors you have previously put out. If you haven't put out any work yet, this is a great beneficial time to finish up work and strive towards your goals. Promoting your work is recommended now as well. Lastly with the moon sextiling Jupiter rx and Pluto rx in Capricorn there is a positive push for inner expansion, reviewing our truths and connecting with our spirit and inner power. This energy asks us to be honest in order to connect with ourselves on a deeper level and push for our goals.

Recommendations: It's a good day to explore ourselves spiritually as the moon conjuncts Neptune rx in Pisces and sextiles Jupiter rx and Pluto rx. We can have the energetic push to really connect with our truths and sources of faith and power with the lunar transits. Additionally it's a lucky day to focus on personal endeavors with the Moon trining the Sun.

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11th

Venus in Gemini trines Juno in Libra (for 4 days!) ☾♓ Moon Sextiles Saturn rx in Capricorn ☾ VOC 4:48 - 18:05 ☾♈ Moon enters Aries ☾♈ Moon Conjunct Mars and Chiron in Aries ☾♈ Moon Squares Mercury rx in Cancer ☾♈ Moon Sextiles Eros in Gemini and Sappho in Libra

Energy: A MAGICAL window of time opens up as Venus gets an incredible harmonious boost thanks to Juno having a beneficial trine with it until the 14th of July. These four days of love can help us to devote our energy purely towards what we value, what we want to commit ourselves to and what we need to feel loved and appreciated. With the moon in a waning gibbous phase it's still a good harmonious time to focus the balanced energy towards our goals so in combination it's a great time to make daring moves on projects, on people we may be attracted to or want to include in our life for any reason or anything to benefit ourselves in a venusian way. Once again trines are so harmonious they are subtle so it's good to mark this on your calendar before it happens. It's a magical time where you could meet someone special or find an opportunity that aligns with something you love. The moon will enter Aries today as well giving us that boost of courage and new fresh start to encourage us on this path. However before so it will sextile Saturn rx in Capricorn giving us a window of time to focus on our responsibilities, wrap up tasks we need to finish or pick up work we have put aside that will benefit us in the future. When the moon enters Aries it will conjunct Mars which will give us the fiery drive, energy and courage to face any challenge that could help us in our goals to align ourselves with what or who we love. (Additionally with the Ceres retrograde what we need in order to feel nurtured and loved will be more defined in our awareness). The moon will square Mercury rx in Cancer creating tension in the areas of our emotional mental landscape which could exacerbate any negative feelings Ceres rx is bringing up regarding our feelings of being nurtured or our emotions being respected or tended to. It's a good time to reflect and see what you need to do in order to honor that area of yourself. Additionally this is the last day of Mercury's retrograde so this square can help us reflect on all that we have learned and endured during it. It's a good time to review lessons we have learned regarding our mental and emotional landscape. Lastly with the moon sextiling Eros in Gemini and Sappho in Libra, we will get a positive push to go after our desires! With all the other energies today, this 4 day period of luck around love is sure to create a positive influence on our magic and manifestations, but it's important to reflect on what you need and mark the days on your calendar so that you do not miss them.

Recommendations: Write down what you desire or what you want to align yourself with that makes you feel authentic or aligned with your destiny. It's good to have this information solidified so when you want to do energy work in manifesting these things you can do so with clarity. With the moon conjunct Chiron it's good to do shadow work and focus on inner healing and what could have blocked you from this reality before hand.

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12th

Mercury direct in Cancer Sun in Cancer trines Neptune rx in Pisces Chiron goes into Retrograde ☾♈ Moon Sextiles Venus in Gemini and Juno in Libra

Energy: Yay! Mercury's short retrograde is over and it's gone direct. It's time to reflect on what you have learned and clean house (mentally) as it takes it's time to fully wake up while it's still in it's groggy shadow phase. Reflect on what you need to let go of and how you can benefit your mental health. This theme will last for a few days as the Moon will square the sun in a few days creating a moment in time where we will reflect on the lunar cycle, what we have learned and what we need to let go of. A theme of the day is the Sun in Cancer trining Neptune rx in Pisces creating a positive energetic balance that will help us connect with our inner source of faith and spiritual connection. If you have been feeling disenchanted with your craft, beliefs or spiritual path, this trine can help you find that connection easily. Another important shift that begins today is Chiron going retrograde in Aries. It's a period of inner healing and exploring wounds that can still be holding us back in some areas. Especially if Ceres rx is revealing how we may be blocking ourselves from love and being nurtured, Chiron rx can reveal the reasons why and give us an opportunity to heal. The Moon in Aries will have a positive sextile with Venus in Gemini and Juno in Libra creating a connection to that Venus x Juno trine that can help bring love into our lives. It's a beautiful day to do manifestation spells and love magic.

Recommendations: With Mercury direct but still in shadow it's a good time to take stock on what lessons it's retrograde has bought you and what you need to mentally shed away before moving forward. It's a time of cleaning house on a mental level. With the Sun trining Neptune rx it's another day that's great to explore our spirituality and maybe how it serves us when it comes to inner healing and finding solutions with Chiron going into retrograde. With the moon sextiling Venus and Juno's trine it's a FANTASTIC day for love and attraction magic.

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#celestial forecast #astrology #transits #ceres retrograde #mercury direct #chiron retrograde #witchcraft

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and-then-there-were-n0ne · 5 years ago

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I have been trying to write something about separatism almost since my first dawning of feminist consciousness, but it has always been for me somehow a mercurial topic which, when I tried to grasp it, would softly shatter into many other topics like sexuality, man-hating, so-called reverse discrimination, apocalyptic utopianism, and so on. What I have to share with you today is my latest attempt to get to the heart of the matter.

[…] The theme of separation, in its multitude variations, is there in everything from divorce to exclusive lesbian separatist communities, from shelters for battered women to witch covens, from women’s studies programs to women’s bars, from expansion of daycare to abortion on demand. The presence of this theme is vigorously obscured, trivialized, mystified and outright denied by many feminist apologists, who seem to find it embarrassing, while it is embraced, explored, expanded and ramified by most of the more inspiring theorists and activists. The theme of separation is noticeably absent or heavily qualified in most of the things I take to be personal solutions and band-aid projects, like legalization of prostitution, liberal marriage contracts, improvement of the treatment of rape victims and affirmative action. It is clear to me, in my own case at least, that the contrariety of assimilation and separation is one of the main things that guides or determines assessments of various theories, actions and practices as reformist or radical, as going to the root of the thing or being relatively superficial. So my topical question comes to this: What is it about separation, in any or all of its many forms and degrees, that makes it so basic and so sinister, so exciting and so repellent?

Feminist separation is, of course, separation of various sorts or modes from men and from institutions, relationships, roles and activities which are male-defined, male-dominated and operating for the benefit of males and the maintenance of male privilege–this separation being initiated or maintained, at will, by women. (Masculist separatism is the partial segregation of women from men and male domains at the will of men. This difference is crucial.)

The feminist separation can take many forms. Breaking up or avoiding close relationships or working relationships; forbidding someone to enter your house; excluding someone from your company, or from your meeting; withdrawal from participation in some activity or institution, or avoidance of participation; avoidance of communications and influence from certain quarters (not listening to music with sexist lyrics, not watching tv); withholding commitment or support; rejection of or rudeness toward obnoxious individuals. Some separations are subtle realignments of identification, priorities and commitments, or working with agendas which only incidently coincide with the agendas of the institution one works in. Ceasing to be loyal to something or someone is a separation; and ceasing to love.

[…] Most feminists, probably all, practice some separation from males and male-dominated institutions. A separatist practices separation consciously, systematically, and probably more generally than the others, and advocates thorough and “broadspectrum” separation as part of the conscious strategy of liberation. And, contrary to the image of the separatist as a cowardly escapist, hers is the life and program which inspires the greatest hostility, disparagement, insult and confrontation and generally she is the one against whom economic sanctions operate most conclusively. The penalty for refusing to work with or for men is usually starvation (or, at the very least, doing without medical insurance); and if one’s policy of noncooperation is more subtle, one’s livelihood is still constantly on the line, since one is not a loyal partisan, a proper member of the team, or what have you. The penalties for being a lesbian are ostracism, harassment and job insecurity or joblessness. The penalty for rejecting men’s sexual advances is often rape and, perhaps even more often, forfeit of such things as professional or job opportunities. And the separatist lives with the added burden of being assumed by many to be a morally depraved man-hating bigot. But there is a clue here: if you are doing something that is so strictly forbidden by the patriarchs, you must be doing something right.

There is an idea floating around in both feminist and antifeminist literature to the effect that females and males generally live in a relation of parasitism, a parasitism of the male on the female… that it is, generally speaking, the strength, energy, inspiration and nurturance of women that keeps men going, and not the strength, aggression, spirituality and hunting of men that keeps women going.

[…] The parasitism of males on females is, as I see it, demonstrated by the panic, rage and hysteria generated in so many of them by the thought of being abandoned by women. […] If it is true that a fundamental aspect of the relations between the sexes is male parasitism, it might help to explain why certain issues are particularly exciting to patriarchal loyalists. For instance, in view of the obvious advantages of easy abortion to population control, to control of welfare rolls, and to ensuring sexual availability of women to men, it is a little surprising that the loyalists are so adamant and riled up in their objection to it. But look.

The fetus lives parasitically. It is a distinct animal surviving off the life (the blood) of another animal creature. It is incapable of surviving on its own resources, of independent nutrition; incapable even of symbiosis. If it is true that males live parasitically upon females, it seems reasonable to suppose that many of them and those loyal to them are in some way sensitive to the parallelism between their situation and that of the fetus. They could easily identify with the fetus. The woman who is free to see the fetus as a parasite might be free to see the man as a parasite. The woman’s willingness to cut off the life line to one parasite suggests a willingness to cut off the life line to another parasite. The woman who is capable (legally, psychologically, physically) of decisively, self-interestedly, independently rejecting the one parasite, is capable of rejecting, with the same decisiveness and independence, the like burden of the other parasite. In the eyes of the other parasite, the image of the wholly self-determined abortion, involving not even a ritual submission to male veto power, is the mirror image of death.

[…] There are other reasons, of course, why patriarchal loyalists should be disturbed about abortion on demand; a major one being that it would be a significant form of female control of reproduction, and at least from certain angles it looks like the progress of patriarchy is the progress toward male control of reproduction, starting with possession of wives and continuing through the invention of obstetrics and the technology of extrauterine gestation. Giving up that control would be giving up patriarchy. But such an objection to abortion is too abstract, and requires too historical a vision, to generate the hysteria there is now in the reaction against abortion. The hysteria is, I think, to be accounted for more in terms of a much more immediate and personal presentiment of ejection by the woman-womb.

[…] Male parasitism means that males must have access to women; it is the Patriarchal Imperative. But feminist no-saying is more than a substantial removal (redirection, reallocation) of goods and services because Access is one of the faces of Power. Female denial of male access to females substantially cuts off a flow of benefits, but it has also the form and full portent of assumption of power.

Differences of power are always manifested in asymmetrical access. The President of the United States has access to almost everybody for almost anything he might want of them, and almost nobody has access to him. The super-rich have access to almost everybody; almost nobody has access to them. The resources of the employee are available to the boss as the resources of the boss are not to the employee. The parent has unconditional access to the child’s room; the child does not have similar access to the parent’s room. Students adjust to professors’ office hours; professors do not adjust to students’ conference hours. The child is required not to lie; the parent is free to close out the child with lies at her discretion. The slave is unconditionally accessible to the master. Total power is unconditional access; total powerlessness is being unconditionally accessible. The creation and manipulation of power is constituted of the manipulation and control of access.

All-woman groups, meetings, projects seem to be great things for causing controversy and confrontation. Many women are offended by them; many are afraid to be the one to announce the exclusion of men; it is seen as a device whose use needs much elaborate justification. I think this is because conscious and deliberate exclusion of men by women, from anything, is blatant insubordination, and generates in women fear of punishment and reprisal (fear which is often well-justified). Our own timidity and desire to avoid confrontations generally keep us from doing very much in the way of all-woman groups and meetings. But when we do, we invariably run into the male champion who challenges our right to do it. Only a small minority of men go crazy when an event is advertised to be for women only–just one man tried to crash our women-only Rape Speak-Out, and only a few hid under the auditorium seats to try to spy on a women-only meeting at a NOW convention in Philadelphia. But these few are onto something their less rabid compatriots are missing. The woman-only meeting is a fundamental challenge to the structure of power. It is always the privilege of the master to enter the slave’s hut. The slave who decides to exclude the master from her hut is declaring herself not a slave. The exclusion of men from the meeting not only deprives them of certain benefits (which they might survive without); it is a controlling of access, hence an assumption of power. It is not only mean, it is arrogant.

[…] When those who control access have made you totally accessible, your first act of taking control must be denying access, or must have denial of access as one of its aspects. This is not because you are charged up with (unfeminine or politically incorrect) negativity; it is because of the logic of the situation. When we start from a position of total accessibility there must be an aspect of no-saying (which is the beginning of control) in every effective act and strategy, the effective ones being precisely those which shift power, i.e., ones which involve manipulation and control of access.n.

[…] When our feminist acts or practices have an aspect of separation, we are assuming power by controlling access and simultaneously by undertaking definition.

[…] The powerful normally determine what is said and sayable. When the powerful label something or dub it or baptize it, the thing becomes what they call it. When the Secretary of Defense calls something a peace negotiation, for instance, then whatever it is that he called a peace negotiation is an instance of negotiating peace. If the activity in question is the working out of terms of a trade-off of nuclear reactors and territorial redistributions, complete with arrangements for the resulting refugees, that is peacemaking. People laud it, and the negotiators get Noble Piece Prizes for it. On the other hand, when I call a certain speech act a rape, my “calling” it does not make it so. At best, I have to explain and justify and make clear exactly what it is about this speech act which is assaultive in just what way, and then the others acquiesce in saying the act was like rape or could figuratively be called a rape. My counterassault will not be counted a simple case of self-defense. And what I called rejection of parasitism, they call the loss of the womanly virtues of compassion and “caring.” And generally, when renegade women call something one thing and patriarchal loyalists call it another, the loyalists get their way.

Women generally are not the people who do the defining, and we cannot from our isolation and powerlessness simply commence saying different things than others say and make it stick. There is a humpty-dumpty problem in that. But we are able to arrogate definition to ourselves when we repattern access. Assuming control of access, we draw new boundaries and create new roles and relationships. This, though it causes some strain, puzzlement and hostility, is to a fair extent within the scope of individuals and small gangs, as outright verbal redefinition is not, at least in the first instance.

[…] It is our experience in the movement generally that the defensiveness, nastiness, violence, hostility and irrationality of the reaction to feminism tends to correlate with the blatancy of the element of separation in the strategy or project which triggers the reaction. The separations involved in women leaving homes, marriages and boyfriends, separations from fetuses, and the separation of lesbianism are all pretty dramatic. That is, they are dramatic and blatant when perceived from within the framework provided by the patriarchal world view and male parasitism. Matters pertaining to marriage and divorce, lesbianism and abortion touch individual men (and their sympathizers) because they can feel the relevance of these to themselves–they can feel the threat that they might be the next. Hence, heterosexuality, marriage and motherhood, which are the institutions which most obviously and individually maintain female accessibility to males, form the core triad of antifeminist ideology; and all-woman spaces, all-woman organizations, all-woman meetings, all-woman classes, are outlawed, suppressed, harassed, ridiculed and punished.

To some of us these issues can seem almost foreign… strange ones to be occupying center stage. We are busily engaged in what seem to us our blatant insubordinations: living our own lives, taking care of ourselves and one another, doing our work, and in particular, telling it as we see it. Still, the original sin is the separation which these presuppose, and it is that, not our art or philosophy, not our speechmaking, nor our “sexual acts” (or abstinences), for which we will be persecuted, when worse comes to worst.

- Marilyn Frye, Some Reflections on Separatism and Power in The Politics of Reality: essays in feminist theory (1983, Crossing Press)

#marilyn frye #some reflections on separatism and power #separatism #the politics of reality #politics of reality: essays in feminist theory

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tarotchariot · 5 years ago

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The need to rest

Rest.

This word is often held together in the same string as “lazy”. In the past, I’ve read and agreed with some when they speak about the high energy, must-always-be-busy culture of today and its influence.

I would like to share more on this.

There is a narrative that many seem to follow:

We are never good enough. Never good enough enough to relax, never good enough to get adequate sleep, and never good enough to demand appropriate work situations.

Logically, this is blindingly false in the grand scheme of things. When would you ever tell someone else such a thing? Never.

However, How many times have you only allowed yourself a sense of peace or relaxation without guilt, when you hear the following words:

“You’ve worked hard! You deserve this.”

Given the green light, it feels so much more acceptable to some. Why are we waiting to be told that it’s ok, to finally be able to sleep for the full 8 hours, or to relax with a bath? We won’t allow our bodies and minds what they need until we - or another - decides we have fulfilled an invisible quota.

Our worth has been interwoven with our work or outer accomplishment.

Therefore, we are on a search to appear worthy enough, to care for ourselves! It’s incredible, really. As a result, shame can settle in for even the biggest workaholic.

It turns into a “never enough” syndrome. We shun ourselves, we deny ourselves of basic self care if we feel we haven’t done “enough”.

We are not our work, or job. If you do not have a job or work right now, that does not define you. We have had it drilled into our minds, growing up, that we only mean something to the world if we have a position. The idea that we only deserve a safe place to SLEEP if we work our fingers to the bone, even in an unfair situation.

Spiritually speaking, you were born into this world as something it needed! You are a valuable piece of the puzzle. Your appearance matters - not your status in relationships, jobs, placements. Your very existence matters! You contribute in ways that are not recognised, but are certainly felt.

Personally speaking, you matter. Full stop.

You just matter. You deserve to be well, feel well, have happy relationships, to thrive in what you care about.

Reconnecting with self love is important.

Loving ourselves unconditionally means knowing we are not perfect, but just as worthy of care, attention and safety, as much as anyone else.

It means regardless of what we have accomplished or not, we deserve to be in a place physically and mentally that nurtures us, allowing us to grow and contribute in our most positive way.

When we have difficulties or blockages in terms of self love, it can act out in many ways, especially with how we treat ourselves, and how we deny ourselves what we need. It is so worth it to practice self care, however you find best so that you can realise when it’s time to truly step back.

Rest is for everyone.

Taking time for ourselves and ensuring we have enough sleep, water/food intake, as well as relaxation not only helps us, but others.

When we are at our best, that is when you can use that big heart of yours. To help better lives, to help better a community, or even just being positive and kind when others may be feeling down is something you can do best when feeling good.

We are not machines. We are not meant to give, give, give.

Not only is resting a duty to yourself and well being, but it might be a nice idea to think of it as doing good for others in the long term.

What does rest mean to you?

I now invite you (now if free, or when you don’t have to focus on something) to either sit in a quiet space, or have calm music that you like in the background.

Please take 3 long, deep breaths, into the stomach area if you can. Breathe in through your nose, and out through the mouth.

Take this opportunity to think on the word “rest”. Be an observer to feelings that come up for you.

Are there any words, or thoughts? Do you find it’s easy for to relax?

Do you find it difficult? What do you tend to think of, when you try?

Breathe deeply another few times, taking a break from thought.

If you feel comfortable, continue to delve into the connections in your mind. Really put the kindness of effort into understanding yourself.

It’s worth looking deeply, to see any blockages or self judgement so that we can begin to really start being kind to ourselves in life.

We are not as loving to ourselves as we deserve.

Many of us are too hard on ourselves. Caring for yourself and your own individual needs as you see fit, is something I believe you cannot ignore or curb around. Resting is not lazily, brainlessly laying around. Resting gives the time, energy and downtime we need so desperately, especially in these times.

Give yourself permission. Hold yourself as a priority.

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pokeprincess · 4 years ago

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🌧How to finally leave that toxic person you can’t help but love:🌧

🌧Identify them as toxic. The first step in leaving is realising there is a problem. Bring your attention to the way this person treats you. Do they make empty promises? Lie, cheat, consistently let you down, bring down your mood, confidence or self esteem? Are their actions completely different to their words? If so, this person probably does not have your best interest at heart and they are poisoning your life.

🌧Make a list of times they have hurt you. When we are just becoming aware of the toxicity of someone in our lives, our brains would prefer not to believe it. It’s common to remember the good times better than the bad, because as humans we try to avoid pain. This can work against us when leaving a toxic person, increasing self-doubt and instability. Making a list of the painful experiences you have had with this person will help you to feel more conviction in your decision to leave.

🌧Rally support from friends, family, neighbours, teachers, etc. Leaving someone we love can feel like a whole new level of heartbreak. Often times we become addicted to this toxic person through intermittent reinforcement - or varying times of good and bad behaviour from the toxic person. Just like any other addiction, we might have tried to quit them before but find ourselves constantly returning. Having the support of those in your inner circle during this transition will help you to prepare for the adjustment and stay on track during the process.

🌧Go cold turkey. Logically you might know this person is bad for you, but your heart might struggle to let go. Especially if this toxic person tries to guilt-trip, beg or punish you when you do leave. The only way to heal yourself from them is to cut them off completely and walk away in silence. Do not tell them you’re leaving as they will most likely try to stop you. Remember however, this is not because they love you, they love what they can get from you and you deserve more than that. Block them on all social media, delete all your pictures together, throw away reminders, tell everyone you know not to mention them or interact with them if the toxic person tries to contact friends or family. Make certain there is no way this person can contact you. In the case where you have shared finances or children, limit contact strictly to these matters and be determined in your decision to do so. Just like with a heroin addiction, at first the withdrawal symptoms will feel overwhelming, but with each day you will feel stronger, lighter and more free.

🌧Create your own closure. When we walk away in silence we might be tempted to reach out to this toxic person for closure. Most likely, this person will not give it to you as your return will provide them a new opportunity to use you. Thus, closure is something we have to find ourselves. Try a ritualistic technique in which you metaphorically cut the bond between yourself and the toxic person. Take a shower to wash away their poison. Write them a letter expressing the finality of your decision and burn it, shred it or keep it to read later.

🌧Do things for yourself. Often when we love someone toxic or abusive, we lose parts of ourselves and try to mold ourself into this persons idea of perfect. Now that you are free, however, you have the perfect opportunity for rediscovering all those beautiful things about yourself you abandoned. Try some of your old hobbies or pick up new ones, practice self care rituals as often as possible, takes lots of time to rest, go for long walks, find new upbeat music (that doesn’t remind you of them). This is a time of large scale change and here you have the opportunity for immense growth.

🌧Become better acquainted with your self worth. Run ins with toxic people can teach us a lot about what we will and won’t accept in the future. Remind yourself every day that you deserve to be respected, valued and loved unconditionally. Listen to the way you speak to yourself. Do you treat yourself with kindness? If not, ask yourself if these thoughts might be remnants of the toxic person and their judgment, devaluation and degradation of you. Remind yourself that you do not have to live up to their standards. The only person you need to become better for is yourself.

🌧Keep at it. Know that this journey may be one of the hardest you will ever experience, but the most beautiful of changes. Be understanding with yourself and allow yourself to feel through every emotion that comes up during this transition. Don’t expect linear progress - there will be days you will feel almost entirely over it, and days where the pain returns. Don’t put a time limit on yourself. Letting go of toxicity takes time and continued effort and there is nothing wrong with that. Know that there are so many good things waiting for you and you will one day look back and thank yourself for walking away. You deserve real love and by leaving, you open yourself up to the possibility of finding it.

#inspiration #self healing #self help #self improvement #self care #self care reminder #self esteem #you are amazing #you are loved #you are worthy #you are not alone #youre worth it #you are my sunshine #dont forget #feyspeaks #pokeprincess

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getyourblisson · 4 years ago

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Full Moon in Taurus - October 31st, 2020

Moon dates are based on UTC, so there may be some fluctuation on the dates based on where in the world you are located.

Keep in mind that signs listed with the Full and New Moons may or may not coordinate with traditional insights. Since I use a different perspective to consider the sign that the moon is in; that does not always coordinate with traditional astrology guidelines for what sign it is in.

October 31st Full Moon in Taurus

This Full Moon finds some extra influences at play which include Venus at Perihelion and Saturn opposite Mars. I will discuss this in a bit. Being that this is also the second Full Moon for the month we are also dealing with a Blue Moon. There is no doubt that the Full Moon packs enough of a punch without any help; but this one can really leave our head spinning with all of the influences that have attached onto it.

We normally think of the Taurus energy being very calm and relaxed and easy going; however that is not the case when it connects with the Full Moon energy. The only real peace that we will normally get from a Full Moon in Taurus comes through bringing things to an end and reflecting on the next step that we would like to take with things. In this way then yes, it does offer some calm and peace.

However, in codes we see that that is not all it does. It puts the pressure on us to complete what we have started, and we feel a greater need to get the big projects done and out of the way. It becomes a time where we may be left standing in the middle of something, with others expecting us to clean up the mess that they have created. It is a time that can naturally be filled with heavy responsibilities and obligations. That makes this a great time to take care of the lingering big projects, and get prepared for the next season, which will either be one of rest or activity depending on which hemisphere you are in.

With this particular Full Moon the need to finish up projects and clean up the big lingering things out there is magnified. Being that this also has the Blue Moon energy and other influences; it makes it very important that we move through everything that we can on our own. Things become magnified and more important than normal. With this Full Moon it is easy to have our victim patterns triggered, especially if we are the person left standing and holding the ball on something. We may find that others have dumped all of the responsibilities for completing something onto us.

Remember this; it is important that you do not allow others to take advantage of you during this time. This is merely a control play of others treating you disrespectfully and it is not ok. This is actually a hidden form of competition, and a way that they are trying to prove that they are better than you and can do what they please. You might say it is a stereotypical Cinderella story. It is important to free yourself from this story. Do your share and leave the rest, or let others know that it will not be completed since others have chosen to abandon it; and give it back to whoever dished it out. You need to stand up for being treated with respect.

With this Full Moon, the disruptive energies may be a bit stronger than normal; and people that are being taken advantage of are likely to start rebelling. Keep in mind there is a difference between rebelling, creating a revolution or war, and standing up for integrity and being treated with respect. It is important that we do not enter into battle or competition energy as we are likely to lose.

The upheaval comes from people that decide to break free. They have been pushed to their limits and have had enough. It is through disruption that we will learn about ourselves and what is needed to help us be more successful. It brings forth the lessons and reminders that success requires getting creative; but that doesn’t mean giving up integrity. It reminds us that our success will fluctuate depending on whether we keep our focus on our own self and work, or if we put it on others. The more we focus on others instead of ourselves, the more frustration and irritation we will feel; and the more likely we are to go into rebellion. In this energy, we are reminded that we need to stand strong in and for ourselves without being in battle with others; but if we are to manifest what we want, we are going to have to speak up and engage others in that process.

During this time we may come to realize just how satisfied or unsatisfied we are with things in our life; particularly with work and others. People are not going to be willing to tolerate being held back or denied opportunities. There is a stronger drive to get ahead in life; but people are going to want to do things their way, and in the areas that they feel passionate about. When we learn to let people do those things that they are passionate about within the framework of what is needed; we often create a situation that is beneficial for everyone.

With this Full Moon Venus is at Perihelion, which means that it is in very close proximity to the Sun and when that happens in combination with our Full Moon we find additional layers and insights. Venus Perihelion reminds us that things are not always as they seem; and that is certainly true at this time. Venus is normally noted for being a beneficent planet; but with this influence it is beneficent through disruptive and even destructive aspects.

It brings in the unexpected, and magnifies our weather patterns bringing in more extremes, and weather related damage to structure and comfort. However, in doing this it is clearing the path and really focusing on helping us to learn to be more self-sufficient and Earth friendly. This is much like the boss that whirls into the board room and tells everyone that you haven’t figured it out yet, so we are scratching everything and you need to start over. The key is to simplify and get back to the basics. Get back to your core roots, instead of trying to be something other than you are. It reminds us that we need to live more, and clear away what we are not using.

The Venus Perihelion this year works almost in reverse to the standard Venus Perihelion. It comes in through success and accomplishment, and then unfolds the lies and deception that lie under the surface. This means that we have to be careful of what looks really good on the surface; because there are likely to be hidden clauses and misrepresentation about things. It will probably be best to let major decisions settle for a couple of days so that you can see them for what they really are. It will be important to read between the lines, and read the fine print of things. This can really turn our heads around when things are showing up as opposite to what they actually are.

We also have Uranus opposite the Moon at this time, which decides it wants to be a part of the fun. Uranus is known for shaking things up and creating upheaval. With it hitting the Full Moon in Taurus it becomes the proverbial bull in a china shop. This year all of that desire is about being free, the bull is unwilling to be restrained and confined; especially in tight and confined spaces that are not its natural habitat.

The disruption that it creates at this time is being done to help us find greater peace and to love each other unconditionally. So in some ways it is in cahoots with our Venus Perihelion. The destruction it does is to get us thinking and to clear the way to move in a more favorable direction. It is asking us to learn from our past choices, and not repeat the unfavorable choices. It is also bringing closure to old structures and ways of doing things. We simply cannot repeat the past and move forward.

This influence will not let us off the hook. We have responsibilities and obligations not only in our own life but collectively as a human race and as inhabitants on Earth. If we think it is shaking things up now, that will only intensify if we choose to ignore our responsibilities and allow others to make decisions for us.

I can see this particularly connected to things like destruction of our natural resources and similar aspects. We stand under the veil and illusion that we are helpless; but we are not. At this time the truth can no longer be kept quiet, and the Earth is going to be doing whatever is needed to re-balance herself. So why don’t people see these things and the disruption? It is because ignorance is bliss. They wrap themselves into the Earthly world, and do not feel the impact personally. They take in the programming through their electronics and through propaganda, and disappear into their own little world where their brains are programmed to numb out the pain and awareness of what is happening.

It is questionable whether we will be able to keep tuning it out under these types of influences. Just because we tune it out doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening. You can put earplugs in your hears so that you don’t hear the street traffic while trying to sleep and cover your eyes with something so that the sunlight doesn’t bother you; but it doesn’t mean that the traffic has stopped or the that the Sun isn’t shining. This is a time where we are going to have to start facing up to living more responsibly, practical, and to make the necessary changes to actually have a good life.

As if this isn’t enough this Full Moon portal falls on Halloween, All Hallows Eve, or Samhain. It is a natural time of closure and new beginnings. While not everyone celebrates things under these names, most cultures have something that they are celebrating that honors the veils being thin, and it being a time of remembering those that have gone before and being able to be more aware of the energies that we cannot see on a day to day basis.

For the most part this reinforces much of what I have talked about; only boosts the energy that much more on it. It shows that relationships are formed out of hard times, and joining together to make a difference. It shows that polarities have a tendency to be at battle with one another; and that people may compete for the love and affection of another. There is a tendency for some to not be able to handle true love happening for others and they will become disruptive and do what they can to split those relationships up through creating chaos and upheaval.

When all of these influences come together we find many subtle plays for control and power happening; however, only those that are operating with wisdom and compassion will be able to make it through. It is in this Full Moon that people are finally willing to do with less in order to live a richer life; and to have greater self-sufficiency. There is an understanding surfacing that we do not have control over our own lives where we are a slave to working to pay for things, that we have no time to use because we are always working. This is a time where individual freedom is on the rise; and people are looking for ways to stop turning over their power and control to those that are not invested in their well-being.

It reminds us that if the world must go into disruption to get us to love one another unconditionally and compassionately that it will do that. It loves us enough to do whatever is necessary to get our attention; and to help us wake-up to what is really happening. We have really only one key purpose here and that is to love unconditionally.

We get our homes destroyed so that we will rebuild with greater consciousness. We endure hardships to help us become stronger on our own. We have people that are mean and unfair, that bully us and take advantage of us so that we will develop our own strength, and find our own successes. We receive deception to help us unfold the truth.

All of these things can be done without such suffering and hardship; but unfortunately it often takes these extremes in order to get us to pay attention. It takes the extreme to drive us to action; because our complacency has made us too lazy to deal with things when they are easier to manage. We see this globally with what is happening with our Earth. We see this in our communities, work environments, and with family or friends. We see this with our own health and well-being. How extreme do things have to get before you listen? When will you live consciously, so that hardship is not necessary to motivate you to do that?

We need to keep in mind that we can come out of all this very strong. It is our choice whether we remain in upheaval or battle, or whether we choose to enter into loving relationship with ourselves, with others, and with our planet. We need only to take command and stop turning our power over to those that are choosing unwisely. Each one of us influences things globally with our daily choices; and if we are wise in those, we can turn anything around. If we choose what is sustainable and Earth friendly those in power will come to us. When each of us does this in our own life we shift our world.

I welcome you to free yourself from restrictive and confining situations.

I welcome you to say NO to cleaning up other people’s messes and being taken advantage of. Have you ever thought that you might be interfering with their lessons by doing this?

I welcome you to stand up for being treated with respect.

I welcome you to let disruption teach you about what is important and what you need to pay attention to.

I welcome you to stay focused on your own self and your own work, instead of being concerned with what others are doing.

I welcome you to give yourself and others some personal freedom in getting things done.

I welcome you to simplify and get back to basics.

I welcome you to beware of lies and deception that may be lurking beneath the surface and disguised as success or opportunities.

I welcome you to love unconditionally in order to minimize upheaval and disruption.

I welcome you to make your own decisions; and to see how you can operate more responsibly in life.

I welcome you to remember that you are not helpless, and have power to influences things through your everyday choices.

I welcome you to place personal freedom as a priority.

I welcome you to take action without being forced into it through upheaval and disruption.

The Code Journey

#The Code Journey #Jesse An Nichols George #compassion #practical spirituality #consciousness #conscious living #love #happiness #wellness #well-being #wholeness #personal development #enrichment #enlightenment

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unconventionalcoven · 5 years ago

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Where’s the Magick?

A reading for the collective:

What divine power is coming online? The Fool

What blocks exist in the system to integrating this? Six of Cups

What blocks exist in the collective to integrating this? Ten of Wands

Where in our lives can we be more accepting of others? Eight of Wands

Advise from Spirit on how to step into our power? Ace of Swords

1.a. What does our society have to gain from this energy? Three of Cups 1.b. A sign from Spirit for the people to pay attention to: Page of Cups

2.a. What darkness of the past must be revealed & healed? The Magician 2.b. How can the individual do their part to heal it for the collective? The Empress

3.a. What future awaits the collective on the horizon? Nine of Wands 3.b. Where should the collective be focusing our energy? Four of Wands

4.a. Where is humanity’s arrow being pointed? Strength 4.b. A sign from Spirit that you are on the right track: King of Cups

5.a. What does the collective stand to gain with this Ace of Swords? Ace of Pentacles 5.b. How does Spirit guide you to use it? The Sun

Analysis

I think it’s pretty obvious that the entire Earth is going through a transformational process at the moment, and it is also interesting that there is in particular a resurgence in paganism, witchcraft, and other empowering belief systems. At this moment in time, each individual in the collective is being faced with themselves, and the realization that they are in fact nothing more or less than The Fool, and by understanding what that means we can each come into closer alignment with our highest selves and heal the wounds of the world. The Fool card represents the leap of faith into the unknown, and by accepting oneself as the fool, you free yourself from the idea that you must control the world. Unconditional love is an open hand, and that goes for the tragedies of the world, especially when there is little to nothing you can do personally to affect it. By recognizing the smallness of yourself in the cosmos, you in fact become more powerful. When each of us in society accepts the relative meaninglessness of our lives and what we do in the context of the universe, we gain the gift of the Three of Cups. This card represents most closely the numerological energy of the number 3, and the playful childlike nature of it. Friendship, and the freely flowing of our psychic waters shared with each other is the most important foundation for society and humanity as a whole. This card reminds us of the importance of our relationships and what we have to gain by generously giving of ourselves to those we love: done consciously without the toxicity of codependence, and building the basis upon which we can build up our families, communities, and so forth with informed voluntary interdependence. Remembering we are The Fool, the Three of Cups shows us that by deflating our ego and accepting ourselves as the small imperfect being we are, we can find our most perfect place in society, through healthy and uplifting relationships. Spirit asks us to pay attention to the Page of Cups and what that means to each of us individually. The page is the apprentice, learning the ways of the water element, and I intuit that Spirit is asking us to follow its guidance to situations and opportunities for us to embody the Page of Cups. What this means is different from person to person, but think of what ways in your life you feel your emotions run wild or get the better of you. These are the areas of life and human experience that your soul is being drawn to understand and learn from. Follow your heart where it guides you and examine the lessons it brings you. By integrating the knowledge we gain from pleasure and pain, we transmute unfavorable energy and make the universe an objectively better place.

The systems of power in place, both visible and unknown to us, are suffering from the Six of Cups. This card represents a romanticization of the past, and a longing to go back. I think a most obvious example of this is the nostalgia for the economic prosperity experience by a lot of mostly-white middle class America in the past without the understanding of how that prosperity was built on inequality, oppression, and a robbing of the future in many ways with illegitimate financial practices. The system, however, in this reading relates more to the class system, government, deep state, and how they are shaped by the collective consciousness. (It is also important to note that if you who are reading this are an “awake” individual your consciousness is immensely powerful compared to many others, and where you point your perception is relatively important and it would do well to use your mind responsibly). I asked what darkness of the past is showing up now to be revealed and healed, and received The Magician. It is my understanding that we would all do well to think about our past, and not just the last 150 years. Power is Power. Look at any point in history, how many leaders would be considered even remotely moral or acceptable? How many injustices of the past exist, far bleaker than we care to admit. If you call yourself a witch it is your duty to learn your history. Look at how this power was developed, across cultures, to heal the sick, bring success to crops and business, all the good it could produce, and how the witches specifically were burned. How paganism was stamped out by the Catholic church who turned around and rebranded our traditions and rituals, understanding the power in them. Whether you’re “into” conspiracy theories or not, a small amount of research will show there is absolutely occultism used by the “most powerful” people on this planet. They use the most horrific and dark practices to establish their dominance, all the while convincing the general public that energy work is fake and anyone selling their services is a scam artist. They convince you you need pills to fix diseases caused by pesticides on your food, and criminalize ancient medicines that offer humanity the most benefit. But the age of Pieces is over. The divine feminine awakes, and each of us must embrace The Empress. By healing your divine feminine, and leading as an empress, that is to say, allowing the matriarchy to step into her power in your life, at her rightful place by the side of the patriarchy, holding hands and headed towards a life together, you heal yourself. It has often been said, to truly love oneself and try to heal in a society who’s aims are to convince you that you’re not good enough, is a revolutionary act. Do not look to the patriarchy of the system to try and save you. The structural Saturn (aka Cronos and patriarchal archetype) of all systems is neither good nor bad. It merely follow’s The Empress’s lead. Look to your mother wounds, and allow them to guide you with the Page of Cups to your ascension to an unconditionally loving being. Remember, that the power we are coming into of The Fool, is that of new beginnings, and understand “the system” and whatever that means to you is being blocked by a nostalgia for a past that never was, and never will be. Surrender to the unknown and remember it is okay to start all over.

The Ten of Wands card, suggests that the collective is not being blocked from accepting themselves as The Fool, but instead that our day in the sun is coming. I have great faith in people, and I believe we are all close to seeing how much more we have in common with each other than the difference we now think are so important. But on the horizon, awaits the Nine of Wands. What I see is that the collective is weary and waiting to assume their rightful place, remember the look of satisfaction on the man’s face in the Ten of Wands. His end is in sight. His work is nearly done. And what comes next is holding the line. The Nine of Wands, is a man at war, in battle, taking a knee, and planting firmly in place against his enemy. Remembering that of course cosmically there are no enemies, we are all one, and every experience we have as humans is a game, in the 3D reality we inhabit with our bodies, this knowledge does not mean that you should just give up and let the other side “win” the game. If you’re playing Mario Kart & beat your best friend, that doesn’t undo the love you have for them. It is important to remember discernment, and thinking about what actions are justified. To expand on The Magician, I believe that what is coming is a time of revelation, and a return of magick to the world. There are literally declassified CIA documents about remote viewing, and many other things that demonstrate the current sense (in America particularly) that there is no such thing as magick or spirits and even religion is scoffed at as fairy tales, is completely removed from the reality and science so many people use to disprove it. We are nearing the time to stand our ground, fight for what we believe in, and step into our power, knowing that we are stronger than we have been told or those who would oppress us would give us credit for. We will succeed with the Four of Wands as our focus. I suggest spending some time getting to know the voices in your head. Which thoughts are constructive and coming from your self, and which thoughts have been programmed into you by a society that has been constructed to convince as many people as possible to be soulless cogs in a machine. The Four of Wands asks us to build a life and a family for ourselves. The family can look however it does, tailored to each of us. This energy gives us a home and a love of others worth fighting for. It is becoming increasingly evident, that the chaos of our current times is being coopted by powerful people to steal as much wealth from the collective as possible and destroy the possibility of upward mobility to cement into power those who currently reside at the top. BUY LAND! Build a LEGACY. To paraphrase Hamilton: “plant seeds in a garden you’ll never get to see.” Think about what kind of world you would like to live in ideally, and then look to the Four of Wands to see how you can build this world with your current position in your life and the home you have. This card is about establishing a way of life, and is the most microcosmic understanding of the phrase: “think globally act locally.” Further, as a witch there are literally millions of ways of incorporating the craft into your home-keeping. Get creative, and share your tips & tricks with those close to you.

The Eight of Wands reminds us, that we are all on our journey. When perceiving others, remember they are on their path, and instead of judging them for where they currently are, it would serve you best to instead consider where their actions are leading them. Obviously, there are objectively horrible things being done, all over the world, I could not begin to comprise a list. This does not mean you have to accept bullshit from ANYONE. Remember the Nine of Wands telling you to stand and fight for the Four of Wands you are building. If everything is a game, the whole point of playing is either to win, or have fun! In this case I see the Eight of Wands reminding us, that even as we are faced objectively bad things and people, the course of consciousness is on its path to ascension and the arrow for humanity is headed towards Strength. I find it interesting this card is also of eight energy, and so it’s good to think also of what that means numerological. The number eight is of abundance and wealth, of our plans coming to fruition, it is an energy of things falling into place and coming together. This moment in history, is very interesting, and in retrospect we will see how what we are currently going through is is the contraction pains of birth. We tend and heal the maternal Empress, because she is suffering birthing pains. The new world is being born. There is not much else to say of the Strength card because it is I feel evident how we are all to grow stronger from what we are going through, as we as humans always do after going through a challenge. Instead, remember your own strength as Spirit guides you to embrace the King of Cups. Our divine feminine is in pain, and this is the patriarch she needs. One of love. Do not demonize the divine masculine. See him as completely and complexly as the feminine longs to be seen. Remember he is human too, and we are all 70% water. He too feels the moon pulling his psychic tides, if not as directly as those with a connection to their womb, then through his love for his queen. The King of Cups calls us to look for how we can allow the masculine in our life to be sensitive, vulnerable, and intuitively in connection to their emotion. Allowing us all to flow freely, in the energies that currently call. This may, or may not, manifest as an emotionally mature masculine energy residing in someone in your life; and may tie into building a life with them as suggested by the Four of Cups.

Finally, Spirit suggests that to fully embody The Fool as we are all being called to do, we should meditate on the Ace of Swords. In my opinion, a more modern representation of the air/thought energy captured by the swords would actually be a light saber. And by looking at the story and philosophy of the Jedi we see a clear picture of how useful one’s thoughts and will can be, as well as how dangerous and damaging. It is after all, a weapon. And still, a sharp edge is a very useful tool. As with all aces, this is a gift and represents a fresh start. Meditation, is perhaps the most fundamental advice for how to acquaint yourself with the Ace of Swords, and offers us a deeper understanding of our own mind, which is the only thing in this universe we have any control over. By respecting and exercising our minds, we stand to gain the Ace of Pentacles. This again is a gift, this time of material creation, which is all that wealth is meant to symbolize and represent. Money is merely the potential energy of something. If Spirit advises us to embrace the Ace of Swords, then this shows through mastering ourselves, and our minds we are freely given the world. This I see is the philosophy of a hunter/gatherer who knows through their deep connection to the Earth that their needs will be provided for. Remember that magick is rooted in our connection to the Earth, honoring her, and understanding our place as an extension of her as life itself. So step into The Sun. Spirit guides us to follow our path, for it is all that will ever be ours, and our actions are the only thing we can ever truly own. Being yourself, and understanding what that means, is the only thing you are here on Earth to do.

#tarot #tarot reading #witchcraft #magick #witch

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englass · 6 years ago

Text

Holy Gold

Pairing(s): Polyseed x Deputy

Warning(s): Moral ambiguity, mentions of murder, blood, sexual thoughts/interpretations, possessive thoughts/interpretations.

Word Count: 4,230

A/N(s): Been working on this for months now and it had me stumped for a good while; wasn’t sure where I wanted it to go. It’s definitely been a labour of love though, I’ll say that. Any likes, reblogs or feedback is more than appreciated!

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There is something peculiar about the deputy. Everyone notices it, can sense it in the subtle shift in the air as they enter a room or confrontation; all eyes turning toward them in a magnetic draw that traverses any form of reasonable comprehension. Air pressed down by a heavy pressure that is swiftly eased by a lighter touch, dunked underwater only to be pulled into the cool embrace of newly birthed air. Their presence on par with a spiritual baptism, enlightening and unburdening. Catching on forgotten instincts, profound and unnamable.

Even away from conflict and in a more public setting – out in the wild where they are the most at ease – people can still feel that distinct air, can see it like a slipping glamour in the way they move and hold themselves. A controlled certainty in the slightest movement, a pivotal purpose that holds them tall and hauntingly regal; an old deity in a tale now lost to time. The sweet and evocative scent of a freshly watered earth hangs off of the young deputy like a heaven-forged shroud, cotton soft and compellingly serene. Oozing a reposeful safety and a forbearing reassurance.

People can even see it in their eyes. An abstruse gleam that ripples like a pebble skipping across the surface of a vast and empty loch. Their honeyed eyes a hidden cenote filled with mystic treasures that reflect the iridescent wink of lonely stars. A concealed sorrow twinkling benignly within the depths of their veiled eyes, watching the ripples, as they throw an enigmatic glance; silently eluding but never telling. A fond and near teasing smile on their lips, a secret not yet shared.

And that never will be.

Even the Heralds of the resident cult, key figures in this long-awaited plan, know that this rookie deputy is not all that they appear to be. There is so much more to them (old and pained and lonely) than appears at face value, but what that is even God’s chosen messenger cannot say. They are a special kind of child, that they do know. In need of righteous guidance like any other member of God’s shepherd’s congregation. But they are different, they are something special. God has told him so.

They are a painting posed with resolve and weighted by troubles unseen, bowed to a higher authority that cradles them as lovingly as a mother would her babe. Littered with many meanings and interpretations, clues scattered and inconspicuous like the remnants of an old world in the shadows of the new dawn. Joseph Seed wants nothing more than to tear that picture down, peel back the canvas to look inside, and discover the truths that the rogue lamb so selfishly clutches with greedy hands.

God has whispered to him of their significance, hinted at it as vaguely as the deputy speaks. Spoken of their attachment to this polluted world, how they refuse to bend to the task they have been divinely given even though it is a plan long in the making. Their loyalty to this world is boundless, and as much as they long for a time past they cannot bring themselves to destroy the one they have worked so hard over. It is why they hold still, buy time, and barter over the fates’ of those that are still yet undecided; those that could be saved. No matter how futile the endeavour.

They have amassed an abundance of experience, secrets from times gone and nonexistent, that now aids them in their own self-appointed task; goals not yet fully known. Yet, despite their newfound use, they are still secrets, theirs to keep and look upon, theirs to weep and toil over. And weep they surely do; their sorrow unmissable. It is a glue that keeps their determination so strong, keeps them high and raised with an aura of assurance, never arrogance, in the face of certain adversity.

It is because of this accumulated wealth of garnered experience that they are so efficient at their sworn duty. Why the Voice whispered in the remnants of an osculant tone, that is only ever felt and never heard, with a sensation of forlorn surprise, known betrayal turned resignation, brushing against Joseph’s edges as the deputy came forward that destined night. His words, existing within the cosmos of ideas, leaving his prophet cold.

Oh. It’s you.

No matter how Joseph asks, begs and prays on the crutches of a wavering faith as his flock perish under the jaws of roaming wolves, the Voice does not answer. Letting him stew in the many possibilities that such ambiguity creates. Although, the chosen prophet does take notice of the change within the Voice; the edge of a scolding twang vibrating through the air, tinting it with a parental disappointment as the deputy marches upon His prophet’s people; against His awaited plan.

The Voice does not outright speak of the deputy, of who they are or exactly what it is that their duty entails, nor give a number to the secrets they have banked, but It does concede in the slightest brush of an absent touch that they are wayward. The knowledge they are in possession of a burden that no one else but they can withstand; but that it has also wounded them the sensitivity of mortality. Their position, and all that surrounds it, whatever that may be, is sacred. Even when coated sour in the wake of this rebellion.

And Joseph can believe that, and not just because the Lord has told him so. The weight in the deputy’s eyes, even through the film of a picture, is a turmoil unexplored; treacherous and unfathomable. There is a deep sorrow, a scratching want, and a dormant rage that swim with the fluidity of an eel beneath the reflective lakes of their eyes. Each blinking star upon the surface a new flare of emotion, another tale within an untold saga, all obscured from view; distorted in the ripples.

From what the Lord has told of them to Joseph, shared what little pieces He can of the lonely martyr, and what the prophet has heard from the conflicted whispers of his flock, he believes he understands the part that they are meant to play in this long promised prophecy. What their role may be in this divine scheme.

And Joseph refuses to be denied any part of it; any part of them. He will see it through, see them down the path God has dictated they walk. The Lord’s chosen lamb was always meant to be his; his to nurture and coddle, his to guide and direct and to heal. A child should not be without its parents, nor be keeping secrets from said parents; and the secrets of the deputy are vast and unnamable.

No doubt they will need to be cleansed, shown the path to atonement so that their burdens may be unpacked from their weary vessel. Gifted the opportunity to seek salvation and acceptance in the arms of those that will listen and truly love them unconditionally. The lost gleam in their auroral eyes given new life under Joseph’s promised salvation, and the love they would share; the love he was promised and they are bound to share.

Yet, the price for such hypocrisy is a steep one, for gifts are nothing more than veiled investments.

Herald John knows this better than anyone, and still his hypocrisy runs deeper than the bed of the darkest seas. He preaches beliefs and teachings that he does not practice, pounding pulpits with the fervour of a man with too much power and zero regard for the responsibilities that follow it. He claims to be another sheep in the flock, another humble follower looking for salvation, yet he wraps himself in self-aggrandisement and forces needless suffering upon those who are brought before him on bended knees.

However, for all his flaws John does not stray too far from his brother (his reverence for Joseph‘s praise exceeding the one he should hold for God), nor his desires concerning the elusive deputy.

John has always been exceptional at reading people, finding their truths, washing out their real colours, and scrubbing the numerous sins that stain their tainted souls away. A master at his own deep-rooted hatred and resentment, twisting it into a deranged form of salvation that has him mutilating all those that come to him; some willing and others not.

The deputy is just another sinner. Another poor soul that has not yet been warmed by The Father’s light, lost to wander a blackened void where sins fester like mould. They must be cut from it. They must atone. They must be shone upon by the light of The Father, dragged from the depths and forced under its righteousness. Wrestled and hauled and torn asunder so that they may emerge free from the cage of their own transgressions.

At least, that’s what John thought. That’s what he believed. But he knows now. John sees a lot more than people give him credit for; a lot more than what other people see in general.

On the surface they may be another sinner, another drowned vermin that John would take an abundance of pleasure in squeezing until they have bled out across his floor; grin manic in questionable ecstasy as they spill secrets like viscous liquid, bright and raw and unavoidable. Holding, bending, twisting, pulling, cutting until they have been broken down to the core, shredding through inhibitions like a power saw through iron-forged bars. Soul laid bare for him to reap like a God-given harvest.

But the deputy... they are different. John can see it. The bars to their cage have long been eroded, their sins nothing but rust. Grounded down and then forged into a courage that does not drool over the spilling of life. Wielding a dedicated fury and a divine mercy within each hand, scales even and in balance, at peace in their coalition as they kneel side by side beneath the reigning banner of ‘Deputy’.

John is not close to said deputy, does not know their stance on God or religion, but he knows they have been touched. They radiate a glow that is not there, move with an elegance that outshines the noblest of steeds and the craftiest of snakes. Holding strong despite the burdens at their back; the world trembling in the knowledge that they could bring it all down should they share in those veiled troubles, yet they choose not to.

Instead, they ease the suffering of others while they drown beneath a disembodied pressure. Offering assurance to even those who are undeserving of it. Reaching out with a tender touch and a slipping smile as they whisper with a forgiving hush, stars submerged in the water of their eyes, that it’s okay, that you don’t have to worry anymore; everything will be okay.

It was never your fault.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Let me save you, John.

And John believes them. For some inexplicable reason he believes them – trusts them, as surely as he believes and trusts in his own brother; their words a cooling hand on blistered skin, a refreshing drink after days without. Their accent holds and nurtures and pleads for an alternative to the path they walk, a raw passion built from the fury of their mercy as they compel you to listen and consider. Never forcing you on bended knee, making you bow your head in subjugation toward them, but raising it. It is personal and close and strikingly reminds him of his brother. They are just like Joseph.

Only their edges are cashmere soft and universally merciful, not forged from broken pieces and laced with eclipsing threats. Tones rigged with a soul-tearing disappointment. Instead they are cleaner and sweeter than the freshest nectar, pure in their sincerity and melodious in their understanding. Yet, so distant and doleful. Ancient and unexplainable. Thunderous in their ire as they are restless in their compassion.

And John wants to crumble at their alter. Wants to lay praise upon them a million times over, until his throat bleeds raw and his hands are carved white. He wants to sacrifice the sinful, flagellate the faithless, and swear himself beneath their reigning banner. Purge his hunger for materialism and drought his thirst for bloodied salvation so that he may collapse wantonly within their tender embrace, mouthing at the swell of their fulfilling fruit that they would so submissively offer him, creating a safe haven solely for him within the cradle of their thighs so that he may sate his thirst by drinking deeply from their divine deluge; allowing him to take and indulge as he givingly and exclusively explores the plains of their sanctity. If only they would let him (he’d be good).

They could ask him to sell his soul, to let them own it and do as they sordidly pleased with it, and he would scrape his knees in order to thank them for that privilege. If only they would give him the opportunity. They could ask him for anything, to reveal every detail, no matter how small and no matter how petty, about himself and he would not miss out a single day. Someone could hurt them, desecrate their purity, and no matter how they pleaded, begged that he rise above the corrupted, he would descend in order to enact his own form of rightful punishment; carved in blood and formed from rusted iron.

He would let the world burn if it meant he could have them. He would rather Joseph be wrong than risk losing them and the gift they so graciously offer him with hands outstretched. He would do anything for them, for no one but them, and all because they are different, because they can see and they can understand; because they are something special. It is not a sin, it is not lustful, if it is with the divine; it is praise and it is worship. And if his family cannot accept that, cannot accept the love that he so greedily wishes to feast upon, then he would rather forsake them with reluctance in his blackened heart and blasphemy for their false god on his vile tongue than lose his sacred deputy.

They are heaven sent, divine in every way, and John only wishes that they would keep their light upon him. Remain at his side and bless him with all that they are as he would surely do for them and more. All jagged lines begging to be filed down to a smoother edge by their loving guidance. They can teach him, show him the love that he is so sorely lacking and desperately searching for. The love that his older brother says will change his fate. He knows they can offer that to him, he has glimpsed it, tasted it in their sweetened words and smelt it within their rain-fallen proximity. He knows they would. He just needs them to accept him, for them to allow him this greatest of gifts.

Show to him the path that they speak of with an ethereal reverence, guide him down that fate changing road with their fingers interlocked in a picture of genuine love and intimacy. Just the two of them, for no one else but the two of them. Only that is not what they do. They cannot walk that path with him, only show it, stepping away the moment he is on it (no, don’t leave me). The journey is his alone to make. They can only watch and follow and steer him back when he falls astray. They are not meant for him. They are meant for all who are lost, who are troubled, who need direction in the dark. He wants – needs all of those things and more, so, so much more.

But what about them? What do they want? Who is there for them?

Surrounded by companions that sing their praises with insipid tones, uninspiring and lacking in the true majesty that they deserve. John could do so much better, could give them so much more. He can see the void in their far off gaze, a lonesome lake that makes the iridescent stars in their eyes shimmer like glitter and gold. He can hear its echo in their voice, a forlorn undertone that murmurs between the splinters. Pleas that they know with regretful smiles will go un-listened to.

John’s brothers and makeshift sister are left conflicted by the youngest brother’s shift in attitude toward the deputy, his growingly frenzied need to capture them stirring a mixture of emotions within the crooked family.

Joseph is mutely elated by the interest and selfishly wishes to know everything that John has gleaned from their wayward lamb, every touch and word and utterance they have been gracious enough to bless his broken brother with; anything that may draw them closer to understanding the troubles that plague their lost and weary child. Joseph knows more – silent whispers gossiping in nonexistent tones around veiled words –, but also less than John (we can’t have that).

The eldest brother, Jacob, on the other hand is wary of his siblings fevered interest. For a sheep can still bare its teeth like any feral wolf.

Unlike his siblings Jacob has seen a lot more of the tactile deputy than either of his brothers, or his farce of an adopted sister, have. Not necessarily in terms of time spent in person, but rather through the monitoring of their actions and all that they interact with; every person killed and saved, every battle lost and won. And the picture this deputy paints for Jacob is a very different one to the piece that Joseph preaches so sweetly of – a soul to polish and love and make his own – and that John chases after with a desperate abandon – his to love and cherish and worship with bloodstained offerings.

Jacob’s deputy is a tactician looking down upon the board, places held by pawns marked with nicks and notches. A sharp eye for all that is seen and all that is not.

Jacob has run them through his trails, thrown them into the pits with his wolves, both literal and otherwise; beastly soldiers with copper on their tongues and flesh on their teeth. Corralled and trapped them in a room stained with viscera and littered with chalked bone, cracked and whole, under a twinkling melody that chisels the cave of the mind into a tunnel directed at a singular purpose: to cull the weak, and all those that threaten them.

Yet, they hardly budge. Standing tall with a stilled expression, remorseful shifts of water in every glance, in every flowing action and blow that merges into the next; streams to rivers and rivers to lakes. But Jacob is nothing if not observant, and he catches the sunken sheen of ice, glistening within the star filled void of their auroral eyes, with a stilted breath. A primal glare buried beside a dormant rage.

Despite the compassion they twirl like a finely crafted staff, the gentle hands they may outstretch with a tranquil smile, they also brandish a blade forged from hell-risen flame. Merciless in every swing, vicious in every trigger pulled without a single glance, and cruel to every cowering wolf that they hum and hush to before snapping with a loving smile; soft words of praise to their corrupted souls, horrors made real, before freeing them with a sudden flick. Their smile a brand worse than any nameable scar.

Just like God is all merciful he too is equally as wicked, his mercy a cruel mistress which knows no bounds.

The scales even and in balance.

Jacob can see the duality within the deputy a lot clearer than his siblings, the caring murder of his brother’s latest version of Faith a testament to that, and suddenly the eldest wolf of this pack begins to shift his paws, head tilted and fangs flashing; interest peaked and curiosity gained. And when his chosen hunters finally capture the miscreant deputy, an easy endeavour that Jacob questions with instinctual suspicion, they merely smile at him. Sitting amongst the dead and dying, hand placed upon the pale pallor of a sickly man, they speak in a tone that barters no interruption; quiet and calm, but weighted by motives unknown. A dangerous hint of something more undulating beneath the waters.

You don’t have to keep fighting.

They’ve lead you down the wrong road.

Faith doesn’t play a role in our game, Jacob.

And Jacob does not doubt them. War is a game that harbours little need for faith, for having faith does not win you wars. Faith is – and was – a loose end, a means of control over the weak and worthless. Jacob knows it. John understands it. Joseph does not, but the deputy certainly does. They understand the need to remove the pitiful and undeserving, when to save a life and when to extinguish one. When to turn your back on those that can no longer rise, strength diminished to an exhausted lick of fire.

It is why Jacob is unsurprised when he turns away, catches the soothing murmur of a poisoned prayer, then hears the echoed crack of bone and the rattled wheeze of a final breath; a life stolen and claimed under a monochrome mercy.

He merely chuckles when he finds their cage empty.

His brothers however are less than amused by the loss, their respective rage and disappoint rearing their heads like threatened cobras, eager to tag and reprimand, but Jacob hardly cares. They do not see what he does; their poor, sweet deputy a warrior who understands the battlefield, the plans laid upon it, and the stakes at which this hunt is played at. Chips made of flesh and bone placed upon a gambled tactic, an uncertain move that can lead you to certain victory; or down the wrong road.

While his brothers chase and pursue the slippery deputy – the days drawing on and turning to weeks, creeping toward the fall of the month – Joseph starts to wonder if his own subdued hunger toward the mystery of a deputy is actually a blessed gift or a veiled curse from the Lord himself; each sibling stepping off their labelled path. In a way it is a blessing, for his brothers are not motionless husks strewn at his feet; but it is also a curse, for how will the promised Collapse occur without the spilt blood of fallen martyrs staining a broken seal.

Yet, when all stand as one, a trifecta of blood as they each stand united in the presence of the other, does the deputy come before them. Content amongst the screaming birds that flock toward the distant north, the screech of warning sirens piercing the thickened air. Eyes placid pools that sparkle like dying stars, glittering off the treasures they conceal in the wounded chasm of their soul; endless and bleak and shielded by a smile that speaks in different tones. A whisper forgotten in the void of time, the echo of one without a home, a broken cry of a fractured spirit; the lonely whine of an abandoned child.

You don’t have to be alone anymore.

I only want to save them.

You have to believe me, Joseph.

And Joseph wavers. The sincerity of their plea resurrecting a long silent doubt. His brothers praise and respect, and Faith’s gentle removal, causing him to question the only companion he had for the majority of his difficult life; the Voice’s guidance and promises for the future the only thing to give him hope when all else seemed dark and dire.

The sky rumbles, the wind roars, and the ground quakes; and through it all the deputy stands before them like an immovable tower within the storm, unconcerned by the approaching destruction and the liberation it will bring. Expression fierce as the world begins to burn (an unplanned variable in a well laid scheme). Hand outstretched toward them all, palm skyward, in an unspoken gesture; a silent offer.

John lunges for their hand.

Jacob prowls to their side.

Both call in a blended mixture of panicked, excited and hurried tones to their dispirited brother.

And all three follow as their peculiar deputy leads them to the gates of their promised salvation; beneath the earth and into the womb of their metal tomb. The brothers arm in arm, never to be separated again, huddle close as they hold and cry and preach in equal measure; all that they worked for finally coming to bloom. A prophecy made true. Not as intended, or as foretold, but true all the same. A far better outcome than the many that Joseph had once envisioned.

And as the deputy watches them, iridescent stars drowning beneath the darkened water, something shifts in the lonely loch of their eyes; a ripple upon a still and empty pond. The bulwark breaking as a serpent born of ancient sin skims the surface with withered scales, fins rotted and horns splintered. Their eyes flare, water dyeing, as a hidden geyser drools a molten sunset; lips tilting, twisting with ill intent and the sweetening taste of a ripening revenge, as the lake in their eyes droughts into a scorching sea of holy gold.

#i had an idea and i ran with it #it’s defo changed a bit since i first started working on it tho #but not by much #just couldn’t decide how to end it lol #ambiguous deputy #polyseed x deputy #joseph seed x deputy #john seed x deputy #jacob seed x deputy #joseph seed #john seed #jacob seed #far cry #far cry 5 #fc5 #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #narrative piece

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