#And it's absolutely hilarious and I would do this for 1 million humans to see the decisions they make

[satans-knitwear]

I did actually dress up for you today!! But i got distracted baking blondies for the bestie 😅

Treat me ~ Tip Me ~ More of me

[gyuswhore]

Pure Math 171

choi seungcheol x reader

wc: 2.5k

genre: fluff, humour

warnings: math. (1) dirty joke. thats it i think (lmk if there's more)

synopsis: Walking into the first class of the semester shouldn't have been as eventful as it was (not that you can complain for long)

masterlist

(A/N): I haven't posted a fic in a while so i hope i redeem myself with this one hehe. a million thank yous to @toruro for beta-ing for me (even at the dentists lol) you can thank her for this too shes the reason i finished so quickly kjvkdfjg

It takes a lot to surprise you. 

It’s not that you enjoy it, but your friends simply make it easy to read them. It took Soonyoung seven human years to learn the art of surprise birthday parties. You know, the ones where you aren’t supposed to know he’s throwing a party just for you. Or Minghao, before he learned the art of deceit, and held his disdain like a badge on his face. 

You seem to have honed the skill of psychics better than most, confident in your ability as a higher-risk party trick. 

Skipping into the new semester at uni, you enter your lecture hall at the reasonable hour of 8 in the morning, expecting nothing but the usual. No surprises were to come your way today, just another first day back, fueling for the coming months.

You push the doors of your lecture hall open, ready to greet your professor for Pure Mathematics 171, pushing your spirits high to commence your per semester buttering. What you find though, is the front desk crowded with students wanting to do the exact same, all for the professor that would be teaching the most dreaded unit of the course. Of course. 

You spot Soonyoung among the crowd as he spots you at the door as well. You note how gleeful he looks at this hour. This can’t be good. Hao too presses his mouth together in an attempt to conceal his budding smile, hand to mouth when he miserably fails.

What on Earth was so funny? 

Attempting to crane your neck, over and under, to catch a glimpse of the ever popular professor, you find yourself blocked by the sea of math nerds and ass-kissers just like yourself. Curiosity was becoming a little too much for you to bear, not that your friends sniggering and whispering while looking directly at you was helping at all. You were just about to march up to the two and demand to be put on their shoulders to see what the fuss was about. Until—

“Alright! It’s almost 8, let’s save the chatter for after class, how about?” you hear a voice boom in the centre of the anthill. 

You knew that voice.

You watch in slow motion as the hoard of bodies disperse, not missing the pointed glances of both your friends directed at the teacher’s table. 

And then you see it. Standing there, looking down at his folder sheets, dry-erase marker in hand. 

Choi Seungcheol.

Choi Seungcheol was your professor.

Your boyfriend was your professor.

How did this happen? Did he know about this? Was he keeping it from you? Were you blind when you read the clear ‘Dr. Kim’ next to your unit code? 

Seungcheol doesn’t notice you standing there slack mouthed and frozen in his classroom. Until he does. 

Instead of mimicking your shocked expression, you watch as his mouth goes to pull what you recognise as a smirk. 

Oh, he thinks this is hilarious. 

His eyebrows are raised as he questions you, “Will you be taking a seat, miss?” 

It’s then that you realise you're in the middle of a lecture hall with about a hundred eyes watching you as you gape at your collective professor. Could they be mistaking your imminent horror as you checking him out? 

If this was another situation maybe you would have, but this was starting to sound like a sick joke. 

But alas, you could not confront your professor like that, at least not in front of an audience. So you find it within yourself to slowly slug towards the staircase to plant yourself next to your friends. Both of whom were having the absolute time of their lives watching your dazed expression. 

You might have committed murder that day. 

You’re forced to snap out of it as you hear Seungcheol - professor Choi - begin to speak at the front of the class.

“Good morning everybody,” he starts, hands on his desk, a pleasant expression on his face as he awaits a response from his borderline comatose students. A chorus of good mornings greet him back, excluding your own.

“Hope you guys had a good break, welcome to Pure Math 171, my name is Professor Choi” he moves to scribble his name on the whiteboard, “And I would like to be referred as such.” 

His gaze finds you in your seat as he utters those words. He is quick to shift.

“We’re gonna be starting light today, I’ll be going through our unit guide and grading system…” 

Seungcheol talks. And talks. And talks. And you don’t listen. You watch instead.

You’re mad at him. Really mad at him. But you can’t help but wonder as he walks around looking like that. He’s in the simplest dress shirt and slacks of a neutral colour, but he wears it oh so well. 

You’ve watched him every morning as he gets dressed for work, knowing his attire has always suited him. Your friends who have been in his classes have expressed their disappointment when told he wasn’t single, and promptly draw open in shock when they realize it's you that’s snagged him before the world could. 

Seungcheol, for lack of a better word, hits different when he’s in his element. His hair is pushed back and out of his face, noting how his glasses look so much sexier when he’s pacing the room with hands dipped in his pockets. He’s speaking tongues of numbers and symbols, and it’s suddenly the hottest thing you’ve ever seen.

But you're mad at him. It shouldn’t be that hard to remind yourself. 

“You know, you’re being real ungrateful for a person who just got a free pass on the hardest class this fucking insitution can cook up,” Soonyoung whisper-shouts next to you.

Minghao quips beside him, “Look alive, sister, you’ve hit the jackpot.”

“Were you two in on it?” you finally snap, irritated at their apparent glee. 

Soonyoung snorts, “Fuck, no, we saw him when we walked in this morning”

“So did he know?” 

“Oh, I think Professor Choi would be glad to tell you himself after hours,” Minghao sleazes while Soonyoung throws you the greasiest wink known to man. 

Disgusted and disturbed, you turn your attention back to the front of the room. You’re still disgusted and disturbed. Seungcheol is still there, looking like he does, scribbling some example equation on the board. 

“Hmm. I think professor Choi ought to know his favourite student’s having trouble paying attention? We can’t have that, you should move up front.”

You do move. Away from your friends to the seats higher up. 

It’s a mind-numbing two hours in which you think you experience every emotion possible. 

You think of your friends who have sat in his classes all semester, that have ogled him and admitted his apparent attractiveness. There were people in this room that were thinking the very same thing in this very moment, and it was making your skin crawl. You wanted to get up and scream: This is your boyfriend.

But alas, you are but a tired, tired college student. He wouldn’t fail you, would he? Then again, he has a ruthless streak of keeping you from the lights of life when you’re slacking in dire times. You might be the love of his life, but he remains a man of discipline. 

It’s an annoying trait, but only ever in the moment. He might be the sole reason you haven’t completely lost yourself in the sea of academics. 

“I think we can wrap up with that, it’s basic stuff but it won’t hurt to revise on your own before next week when we really get into it,” Seungcheol’s voice booms.

There’s a churn in your stomach for some reason, and you have to neutralize your breathing as you watch the lecture hall slowly empty out. A few students remain lingering at the front desk for yet another round of buttering. Seungcheol entertains them, pleasant smile on his face, nodding along to something. You remain seated, arms and legs crossed as you stare daggers into the top of Seungcheol’s head as he speaks with his students. 

The remaining students file out as well, and you notice how Soonyoung and Minghao are long gone, leaving just you and Seungcheol alone in this big, big room. 

It’s only then that he looks up searching, to check if you had left yet.

He remembered quick. 

His eyes finally land on your, disgruntled, tight form, refusing to make eye contact for more than three seconds before huffing audibly, moving to put away your things. Seungcheol moves around his front desk, hands in pockets, hiking his way up the lecture steps to where you were at the top row. 

You’re shoving your laptop in your bag by the time he’s done with his trek, planting himself on the chair next to you loudly. You ignore him.

“Do you think we’d get in trouble if they caught us like this?” he muses after a few silent moments.

“Caught us like what?” You snap. There goes your pledge to remain silent.

“You can’t possibly think a teacher and his student caught in a classroom by themselves is necessarily a point in our favor” 

“I’ll do the honors then” with that you’re swinging your bag over your shoulder to trudge behind him to the steps leading down, wanting to be out of his presence for the time being. 

You’re barely past him when there’s a grip on your wrist, firm and purposeful, that tugs you backwards in a harsh manner. The bag on your shoulder is sent to the floor while you, in your entirety, are sent straight into Seungcheol’s lap. 

Bastard. 

The smirk on his face is enough to send you into a pot of livid fumes, right after you’re done balancing yourself on his shoulders. You try not to grip on too tight. 

“What makes you think you can leave without being dismissed?”  

“What the fuck.” 

“Language, miss. I don’t tolerate obscenities in my classroom.” It might’ve been a menacing threat, but with what lay behind the glint in his eyes you knew he was being a little shit. 

It takes you every fibre in your body to refrain from thinking too much about him. Him and his hands that rest on your thighs, him and his hands that are placed near your waist, stroking and pressing into your shirt. 

No, you're mad at him.

“Did you know?” you ask finally, tired of the back and forth.

“Nope,” he replies, “Found out when you walked in.” 

“Do you not read your attendance sheet? Isn’t that your job? You had the entirety of summer to give me a heads up, this is your fault!” 

“Dr. Kim got into an accident last night, she’s out of service for the rest of the semester. I didn’t know until I came in for my other class I was being switched over—” 

“How does that happen?!” you almost yell.

He’s silent for a moment before beginning again, “Do you want me to ask for another class?” 

Wait, what. 

“I didn’t say that—” You can’t finish because your being pushed off your seat on his lap to stand while he gets up as well.

“I’ll go talk to the co-ordinator then, class isn’t working out for me.” With that he’s trudging back down the steps, making a beeline for the door.

You’re left stunned at the top of the stairs, not knowing if he was being serious or not. Were you about to let his presence bother you that bad? To the point he had to switch classes? What were you even that upset about? 

Twirling around in place trying to look for the bag that was strewn about earlier, you grab the straps and race down the steps. If Seungcheol can hear your bounding footsetps, he doesn’t show it. Instead you crash into his back just as he’s about to leave the room, to which he turns around. 

The smirk seems glued to his face and you realize right then you may have been lured. With the 180° that had become of your perception, you couldn’t be mad at him anymore, cooling off the simmer that had been brewing for the past couple hours. 

“Maybe…Maybe I can live with seeing your face for a couple hours a week,” you mumble, suddenly unable to maintain eye contact.

He lets out an incredulous laugh, “Couple hours a week?! Do you realise we sleep in the same bed at night, pretty sure that’s more than a couple hours.”

“You know what I meant!” you huff, arms crossed and turning your head away. You cringe slightly at how you voice echoes across the large lecture hall. 

Feeling his hands enclose yours, pulling your body slowly towards him, you bring yourself to look back up at him. His hands come up behind you when you’re close enough, snaking up your back and waist. You try not to shudder, but it’s hard when you know he’s doing it on purpose. There’s warmth that radiates off of him, a stark contrast from the chill classroom, your fingers finding purchase around his own waist.

There’s more of that same warmth when he kisses you, short pecks, yet ones that have you smiling against his lips. The curve remaining as he rests his forehead on yours.

“Let’s go home, just need to grab my stuff,” he says, but makes no effort to move from his position.

“Are you already done for the day?” you frown.

“No,” he muses, “But it’s only the first day. Besides, I wanna sit in bed with my girl while I map her out for the first assignment of the semester.” 

“Does your girl get premium access?” 

“Hm, maybe.” 

Before you can refute, the door of the room bursts open with a bang that reaches straight into your soul. With the way Seungcheol’s eyes widen, you don’t doubt the same was happening in his own chest. 

There isn’t enough time for you to pull away before hearing gasps alluding from the threshold. 

Soonyoung and Minghao stand at the door, scandalized looks complete with hands over their faces. Hao shakes his head in mock disappointment, eyes pointed. Soonyoung pulls out his hands, framing them like he was taking a picture of the both of you gripping each other.

“Now what would the bulletin look like with these two on the front cover? You’re friends with Seok, right? D’you think you could put a word in?” Soonyoung yaps, the most insufferable look on his face.

Seungcheol laughs, to your surprise, and looks over to you, “What d’you think the bulletin would look like with his F on the front cover?” 

“D’you think you could put a word in?” you raise your eyebrows. 

His smile widens but he’s being pulled away as both your friends move forward to surround him. You vaguely register Soonyoung cupping your boyfriend’s face delicately, singsonging about their years of friendship, or how Hao has his arms wrapped around him in a back hug, head on his shoulder. 

You vaguely register any of it, because you’re smiling too hard at the scene. Smiling too hard when Seungcheol catches your eye, before bursting out laughing, attempting to wrestle the two off of him. 

You bring your phone up to the chaos instead of your hands, wanting to frame the scene for real this time. 

[daytaker]

Could you perhaps write something where gn!mc is just,,, a complete asshole. Fully standoffish and rude, I think it'd be hilarious [bonus points if they have a traumatic backstory for WHY]

No bonus points for me because my asshole MCs exist in a state of suspended animation and they're just like this Because They Are.

Now, I go on and actually explore my idea from an earlier prompt that MC being standoffish would derail the entire plot of OG Season 1 since it requires them to help Belphie get out of the attic.

And if you're wondering, yes, Solomon is quoting KJV Book of Revelation at the end there.

How Your Year-Long Vacation In the Devildom Ended in the Apocalypse

or; Asshole Standoffish MC says what?

Ship: None Word Count: ~1.3k Triggers: Uhhhh... (points to the title)

-----

You're not here to make friends.

And you're definitely not here to date any million-year-old demons who look like they stepped out of the pages of Esquire.

You're here because you're Fate's favorite bitch, and apparently you haven't been suffering enough lately.

So you go ahead and announce all that to your host family the first time you all sit down for dinner.

"...Are humans like that?" asks Asmodeus, looking between you and his brothers. "...I...I don't remember humans being like that."

"Wow. Okay," says Leviathan, staring at his Switch. "First of all, what's your damage. Second, you should probably find the demons who are interested in dating you and let them know, lmao." He fist-bumps Mammon without looking up from the screen.

"What's Esquire?" asks Beel.

"I'm gonna go eat in my room," you say. "Goodnight."

As you leave, you hear Mammon mumble, "Well, they were right about being a bitch."

------

Things aren't any less irritating at that stupid school. Honestly, who names a school after themselves and the fact that they're royalty? Was he just trying to make an easy acronym? Seriously. 'Royal Academy of Diavolo'.... It makes you cringe, hard.

So you sit in the back of all your classes and doodled your favorite sleep paralysis monsters getting closer and closer to the foot of your bed over the course of the day. You're just getting to where you can see the empty white scleras staring up at you when Dumb, Dumb, and Dumber turn up, A.K.A. the other exchange students, A.K.A. Simeon the Angel (dumb), Luke the Baby Angel (also dumb), and Solomon (dumber), the immortal human sorcerer and also the ancient king of Jerusalem? (Like, that Solomon? What the fuck, why does he look like a twenty-three year old anime boy?)

"You must be the newest exchange student," says the tall angel.

"Yeah, and?" you answer.

"Hey, you don't need to be so rude to him!" says the baby angel. His voice makes you want to throw yourself into a furnace.

"Yeah, and?" you answer again.

"Haha! So the new student has some spunk! I like that," says the Biblical king.

"Why are you all bothering me? I was drawing my sleep par--"

"We should all hang out at Purgatory Hall sometime," suggests Simeon, proving he hasn't been paying attention. "By the way, why did Diavolo end up putting you in with the brothers instead of situating you with us?"

"Because I walk around naked at night and I don't care who sees, and there's a child in your dorm."

"Really?" asks Simeon, covering Luke's ears. "Why do you do that?"

"Because fuck you, that's why. Leave me alone."

"I don't remember humans being like that," murmurs Simeon to Solomon as they walk away.

------

"I'm a human too," says the demon in the attic.

"Uh-huh," you say with undisguised skepticism. "And you want me to forge pacts because...?"

"Because then you can release me. Us humans have to stick together."

You let that hang there for a few seconds before dropping the ax.

"...So I know you're Belphegor. Because your fucking picture is up in the house. You absolute moron."

His expression drops.

"You idiot. You lying shit. Don't waste my time like this again. I'm not forging pacts with any demons. I know you missed my first dinner here, but to sum it up: I'm not here to make friends."

"I don't remember humans being like this," he mumbles to himself. "Wha- hey! Wait! Where are you going?! Come back! Come- come back!!!"

-----

It's Diavolo's birthday party, and Lucifer forces you to come.

By that, I mean he physically picks you up and drags you there while you struggle and rage.

"I don't remember humans being like this," Diavolo says to Barbatos with some concern as he sees you carried thrashing through the entry.

"Oh, they absolutely are," argues Solomon. "I only calmed down after I'd been around about a hundred years. But for their stage of development, I'd say they're pretty much par for the course."

Barbatos stares blankly at Solomon as Diavolo nods sagely. "I see, I see... I suppose I'll have to keep that in mind when selecting our next exchange student."

-----

"Finally! The year is almost up, which means this loser's going back to the human world, and Belphie's gonna come back home!" cheers Mammon.

"Very expository of you," Satan replies dryly.

"Oh, Belphie is Belphegor, right? Your youngest brother?" you ask, looking up from the knife you've been sharpening. It's one of the chores you reluctantly accepted over the course of your stay here. You're taking care of your knife duties while brothers 2 and 4 cook dinner.

"Uh, obviously," snorts Mammon. "Why, what do you care? You'll be gone before he gets here."

"I forgot I never mentioned this to any of you. He's in the attic."

Mammon and Satan stare at you. Mammon chuckles nervously. "Whaaa? Don't be stupid, there's nothing up in the attic. Lucifer doesn't even let us go up there."

You stare back at him, unblinking. The two brothers glance at each other.

-----

You sit on your suitcase in the front hall of the House of Lamentation as the place goes up in flames.

Beelzebub is in a mindless rage, cursing Lucifer and breaking down walls. Every now and then, the entire house rumbles, indicating its structural integrity is just that much less solid.

Leviathan summoned Lotan in a moment of panic when Mammon kicked his door in and announced that Belphegor was going to war against the human world and Lucifer and Diavolo and he'd better pick sides before he got drafted, so the entire ground floor is soaked in a few inches of water and tentacles keep reaching out from the depths of the house. You swat them away whenever they get too close. You're not sure where Levi is now, but based on the fact you can hear Mammon screaming and pounding at the bathroom door, you can make a good guess.

Asmodeus released Cerberus from the basement after charming him, and when he realized the dog was too enraptured to obey Lucifer, the pressure got to him and he fled. Now the two are on the war path to Majolish, because 'all this drama is stressing [them] out' and 'this is how [they] cope, okay?'

Lucifer is grappling with Belphie and Satan, who, upon hearing that Belphie intended to rebel against Lucifer, joined his cause. He keeps trying to bang their heads together; you can see it happening in front of the fireplace down the hall. But Satan's tail keeps slashing at him like some sort of prehensile melee weapon and it's clearly at least somewhat effective.

Looking up, you see what appears to be a pair of dragons grappling in the sky, and all around you are the sounds of screams and sirens. The earth rumbles around you, and even the stars seemed to be falling from the sky.

"I can't believe you did it!"

You turn around in surprise as the door opens. Solomon stands there, beaming at you like a proud father. "You really did it! You broke the sixth seal!"

"Sorry, what?"

"'And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood!'"

"Sorry, what?"

The roof begins to cave in, so you step out of the way, and Solomon laughs maniacally.

"It's still going! 'And the great kings of the land said to the mountains and rocks, "Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne!"'" Another chunk of the ceiling crashes directly in front of you.

"Are you high?"

"Yes!"

"Share."

So we smoke a joint, staring up through the broken roof into the starless sky, watching demons and brawl, awaiting the breaking of the seventh seal: silence.

[deluweil]

This is my 4x12 review - skip if you haven’t watched yet.💖

In my opinion the whole Treasure Hunt thing, had a S2 bank mystery vibe about it. Like the silly calm before the storm, again in parallel to right before when Buck was hurt.

I knew the Author jerk is alive the second I saw the actor who played it, the was not one show where he guest starred and wasn’t a jerk 😂😂

So since I did my own version of live writing, I apologize if this is a bit disorganized.

We got so much buddie bread crumbs, that eventually felt like a meal at the end of the episode so let’s start with: Both boys in sunglasses - oh WOW! 🔥🔥  

Bobby sending Eddie with Chimney and Buck looking thoroughly unhappy to be separated from Eddie. They nod at each other and while Buck frowns at Chimney, Eddie crosses himself before going to get geared up.

It was a small gesture but very significant because Eddie has already crashed in a chopper (in 3x15 and watched Hen and Strand crash in the crossover) he knows what could go wrong.

Chimney’s “cheer up you can go next time” doesn’t really reassure Buck. I think a “we’ll be fine” or “I’ll keep him safe” would have calmed Buck’s nerves a lot more.

Can we discuss for a second how HOT!! Eddie looked doing the aerial rescue? I mean WOW, I watched it several times. 🥵🥵🥵

The 118 sitting together trying to figure out the riddle was funny, everyone thinking how it’s a bad idea to even consider this to be a real thing, except for Buck, of course. 😂

And while the others are already considering how freaking horrible the rest of their shift  is going to be like, because it’s all over the news thanks to Taylor Kelly’s story.

Eddie called Taylor - Buck’s “girlfriend”, but we don’t see his face, we do get to see it, when Buck stresses (for what feels like the millionth time from the sigh and tone of his voice) that she is his friend not his girlfriend.

Eddie’s “Yeah, sure, right.” face is priceless!!😂😂  

Buck and Taylor plotting together again, is always hilarious, those two are disaster magnets, it makes for good fun. What bothered me was that Buck offered Taylor to pair up, but re-watching, everybody’s reaction didn’t exactly originally encouraged a teaming up vibe.

However the problem with human nature is - everyone love to obsess over riddles. 😉😉

Eddie jumping through the window into the fire truck? epic!

Eddie did suggest to team up to Buck and I love that even after Buck told him he’s working with Taylor, the look on Eddie’s face melted Buck almost immediately and had him suggesting Eddie joins the two of them. 🥰🥰

The scene in Buck’s apartment, with the three of them Eddie is right between Taylor and Buck in the shot and kind of “talking to himself” was so funny. - Gave me a BBC Sherlock scene between Irene Adler, Sherlock and John.

The way Martin Freeman stole the scene just by dropping small comments. I gotta give it to Eddie, out of all of everything in that scene, Ryan performance is what I’m going to remember. - Acting choices were made all throughout this episode by both Oliver and Ryan.

Also can we talk about the fact that Eddie is now stating little bits of knowledge like Buck now - “I can know weird stuff too” from 4x03 is so haunting me, these boys have totally rubbed off each other. (get your minds out of the gutters... for now anyway 😉)

I love how Eddie and Buck sit down and scratch, just thinking about the fire ants 😂😂

Buck being lowered into the septic tank - notice, Eddie is the one handling the rope, again, his expression worried while Buck is still down there, especially after having to drop him into the water.

I have noticed that Bobby sent Eddie up in the chopper, but is reluctant to send him under ground still 😉🙃

Buck’s “come on” when Eddie and Bobby made a face and walked away from the stench was so funny. Also super adorable on Buck’s part. 

I love how Taylor keeps shutting Buck down, it’s amusing to watch now that I know how the episode ends.

Athena being done with idiots the entire episode was hilarious! Angela is a queen!

I loved that 9-1-1 dispatchers were running a bet of places where the treasure may be. (Josh’s “Who thought that was a good idea?” and someone shouting “not it!” had me in stitches 😂😂)

Let’s take a break from buddie for a second:

Hen and Chimney joining the race and Bobby trying to hide his research from Athena was so funny, I mean, she is a police sergeant, there was no way she wouldn’t figure him out.

Bobby planning a future together, a life after the job, and Athena shutting him down. I do think this is what will come between them eventually. Athena making a unilateral decision, without considering even talking about a future with Bobby that doesn’t revolve around them working until they’re either forced out or buried six feet under ground. 

I find it interesting because it’s usually the other way around, my mom has been working on my dad to retire for years now so they can travel before both of them are too old to do it. So I kinda get where Bobby’s coming from.

In parallel though, Athena making the unilateral decision like Eddie did when he re-enlisted in 3x15. I do hope Bobby and Athena manage to work things out, I love them together. 

Back to the hunt:

Of course Athena worked out where the treasure is, Karen built an algorithm, and Taylor apparently helping Buck and Eddie figure it out bringing all three teams together.

Athena looking to Buck and Eddie asking them if they seriously brought their gear with them and Eddie pointing at Hen and Chimney to divert the attention from them about their med-kits. - like children trying to justify themselves to their parents. 😂😂😂

Wasting time negotiating about the money was hilarious, especially with Taylor in the chopper hovering over them lmao.

And then there was probie - Jesus! I laughed so much.  😂🤦‍♂️

Also Buck’s “I’m not doing anymore math”, as a reference to “she taught me math”, Buck’s not doing that shit. He calculated enough for one day and he is done!  😂

I do like that Oli and Ryan’s marks are closer together again ❣❣❣  

Eddie: “We didn’t kill him”  Buck: “We just wanted to” Bobby’s “Shut up” face killed me.

Probie selling them out “I don’t know these ppl.” You don’t say shit like this as a probie 😂😂😂

Also Rick saying “I didn’t actually think it was” and I'm just enjoying the moment, was awesome. I like it when he shows up in episodes, he and Athena make a good and amusing team. 

Back to buddie bread crumbs:

Everyone in Bathena’s house, including Taylor, who took the place next to buck, leaving Eddie to sit directly in front of Taylor and next to Chimney. - The “At this point I don’t trust anyone.” cuts to Eddie’s face, that looked as if he’s saying “Seriously dude? hurtful” - The fact that Buck stopped and met Eddie’s reproachful gaze even though they are not directly in front of each other says so much! 

Also the “Stop for a second and think about what you said.” looks from Chimney and the others are very meaningful. (#everybody knows 😉)  Buck sticking his foot in his mouth and him backtracking are shot directly from Eddie’s perspective. - hmm, I wonder why…? 🧐🧐

And to complete the meal:

Taylor placing Buck directly in the Friend-Zone category, was genius. And while Buck and Taylor have a fun energy together it never really felt romantically oriented. Also I have a certain feeling that seeing Buck and Eddie interact, at Buck’s place and at Bathena’s house and not for the first time either, she knows it will not work between her and Buck.

Buck, trying to feel something more for her, even if in a gentler and way sweeter way than the cursed ship I will not name, it feels forced on his end too - and Taylor lets him off the hook in a gentle way too, I like her for that even more. 

I really hope we keep seeing Taylor in a friend capacity for Buck, I think it’s good for him to have support and someone to talk to outside the 118. And I will absolutely worship Taylor if she will be the buddie catalyst, I mean Megan does ship buddie too, it will only be appropriate 😉💖

The episode in itself was pretty nice, I would have probably enjoyed it more if I watched it before LS who absolutely kicked me in the feels today. But I do know that just like 9-1-1 2x15 I’ll go back and watch it like a million times because it is a fun episode to pass the time, and the buddie crumbs were delicious. 

The promo kicked me in the feels too, I will not discuss it here right now, but I do hope that that last part won’t be a cliff hanger and we’ll have to wait an entire week for the rest, two weeks of frayed nerves are a LOT to suffer through 🙈

Sending big hugs out there to whomever needs it 🤗🤗🤗

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Another one?!, Part 1

Next

She pulled Hawkmoth’s pin from his costume and breathed a sigh of relief when he detransformed.

“Huh, so it was Gabriel the whole time? That almost makes too much sense,” she murmured.

“What’s that supposed to mean--?!”

She punched him in the face and couldn’t help but smile as his nose cracked beneath her fist. Except, maybe, she’d been a little harsh on him because he was now knocked out cold.

Oh well. He’d been the source of about half of her stress for the past three and a half years. He deserved more.

Marinette allowed herself to breathe a sigh of relief and close her eyes.

Had she not been afraid he would grab the pin from her when he inevitably woke up before she did, she would have passed out then and there. They’d been fighting for days straight and she was exhausted.

But there was still a bit more to do. She pushed herself to her feet and looked around.

They were on the bridge where Andre’s ice cream cart usually was, though it was hard to tell. The area around her was still aflame from when an akumatized Ryuko had decided that it was time for Paris to burn to the ground. She wiped her sweaty forehead and looked down at Gabriel. She needed to get him to safety... but was there still a place the fire hadn’t touched?

She didn’t know. She needed to find out.

She tied him up with her yoyo and picked him up, carrying him under her arm as she ran through the streets of Paris.

Hopefully, she’d spot her partner on the way.

A few minutes later she spotted Adrien sitting on a rooftop. She wanted to yell at him to get down, because all the flames were making the buildings structurally unsound, but then she saw his face.

Something was wrong.

He looked at her and, if possible, his shoulders managed to slump even more.

She bit her lip and glanced at Gabriel. She decided that she could leave him alone for a few minutes. He was tied up, there was no way he’d be able to get away before they noticed.

Besides, she had his miraculous. What was he gonna do? Be a bad parent at her?

She dropped him in a relatively safe place and then climbed up the building.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asked, taking a seat beside him.

He motioned behind himself and she cringed a little bit when she found Nathalie. The woman was barely conscious. Her face was puffy and bruises were starting to form.

“So, it was Gabriel and Nathalie all along,” she mumbled.

“Yep,” he whispered, his grip tightening on his baton. “I have no family left. They’re all dead or sucky.”

“You have me.”

“That’s different.”

Marinette didn’t say anything. He wasn’t wrong. Instead, she gently pulled him down until he was resting his head in her lap. Her fingers combed through his hair.

And then she paused. She mulled over the first thing he’d said...

“Wait, your mom is dead?” She blurted. Then she pulled her hands from his hair and covered her face. “Sorry, that was stupid. I meant to say that I just thought she was missing, I was just surprised, that was a terrible way to phrase that, oh my kwami --.”

Adrien was laughing, though.

She couldn’t help but smile despite her embarrassment.

And then she was giggling, too.

Sure, it was generally not what you would laugh over, but their brains were so fried from lack of sleep and the amount of revelations they’d had in the past few days that everything was absolutely hilarious. The building could have collapsed underneath them and they would have found it in themselves to laugh.

But, eventually, they sobered. Mainly because the adrenaline had finally started to die down and laughing is extremely painful when you have broken ribs or a ruptured diaphragm.

Adrien sighed lightly, then winced.

“But… yeah. Apparently that was what Hawkmoth’s wish was going to be. He wanted to raise my mom from the dead.”

Marinette looked down at him and wasn’t surprised to see tears spilling over the front of his mask. She didn’t say anything about it, though, opting to just run her fingers through his hair again.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know,” Marinette mumbled. “I’m still sorry you have to go through this.”

He slowly pushed himself up. “We should fix everything.”

He offered her a hand to get to her feet and she cringed lightly as she forced herself to put weight on her definitely sprained ankle.

“Right. I think I left my Lucky Charm…” She paused, racking her brain, then nodded to herself. “It should be back by the school.”

They looked at Nathalie and Gabriel. Both of them were passed out due to their injuries (and probably the smoke, the heroes were lucky they’d thought to get filtration systems in their masks but everyone else...).

“Should we… leave them?” He said slowly.

They were pretty far away from the school and they were injured. The idea of lugging the two the whole way there was…

She hopped down -- FUCK, there was that sprained ankle again -- and slowly untied Gabriel. Adrien must have figured out what she was planning, because he brought Nathalie down with him. She tied them to a mostly safe lamppost.

With that mostly dealt with, her boyfriend hooked his arm around her and they started the slow walk back to the school.

They kept their gazes up. They told themselves that they didn’t see all the bodies in the streets. Didn’t see the way they clutched their throats with pained expressions etched on their faces for the rest of time. Didn’t see the way their clothes were singed or completely burned off in places. Didn’t see the way their skin was littered with burns or scuffed where they had fallen while trying to escape.

It was harder to ignore the deafening silence that surrounded them. The only thing to be heard was the crackling of fires and the occasional sound of a building collapsing. The first few days had been filled with screaming but now...

She heard a squeak under her foot and stopped, glancing down.

It was a stuffed bear. Its arm was still smoldering.

Adrien gave her a gentle tug. She wiped her eyes and continued walking.

But when they got there…

“Please tell me that your Lucky Charm wasn’t flammable.”

Marinette pursed her lips tightly as she watched the flames stretch ever-higher. Of course the school had gone down quickly, it was filled with papers. Still, it surprised her to find it like that.

And then she processed his words. And her face drained of color behind her mask. Because she remembered what her lucky charm was. It had been a bag of flour. Pretty much the most flammable thing to exist.

Which meant that she couldn’t cast the miraculous cure.

Which meant that everything they’d just seen was going to have to stay that way. All those people were...

She leaned into Adrien heavily and buried her face in his shoulder. She felt him stiffen beside her and then he slowly turned into her and wrapped her in a hug. Neither of them said anything as he nuzzled his face in her hair. Neither of them acknowledged the fact that tears were dripping onto her head or that the front of his suit was getting wet.

“What do we do?”

Because there had to be something. There was no way they could just let these people die. There had to be some sort of loophole, had to be some sort of way to fix it.

Clawed hands dug into her. “I don’t know…”

Marinette finally hugged him back.

“I have an idea. I hate it but it's…”

“What is it?”

“We use the wish.”

He pulled away quickly. “What? Mari, no, we can’t.”

“So, what, we just let them all die?!”

“We…” He paused. “We can’t just bring them back to life. You know how it is, the world will balance out. A bunch of other people will die instead.”

She threw her hands up in frustration and then instantly regretted it as pain flared in her chest. She hugged herself and sent him a glare.

“I know that! But it’s not like we can just let the entirety of Paris die!”

He shook his head slightly. “It’s the same amount of people dead. It doesn’t matter if it’s people you care about versus people you don’t know, we can’t just --.”

“Shut up! You’re only able to say that because everyone you care about is evil or dead!”

Adrien flinched. Hard.

She looked away. Shit. Why had she said that? He was being fair, what she’d said was totally uncalled for. She bit her lip.

“I’m sorry. That was rude of me. This isn’t your fault and I’m lashing out at you and that’s not fair. I just… I can’t let them die, Adrien. They were all counting on us, and I let them down… I shouldn’t have brought your family into it...”

He nodded slightly. She wished she could see his face behind his mask… or maybe she didn’t. Because she could see his eyes, and they were so hurt…

And then she came to a realization.

“Wait, wait, Adrien, your mom.”

“Yes, I get it. My mom is dead,” he said bitterly.

She winced, then shook her head. “Not that. Well, yes, that, actually. What if we make it so she never died? If she never died then Hawkmoth wouldn’t have existed and no one would have died. We need to try it.”

“And if a lot of random people drop dead because of us?”

“They already have!” She realized she was yelling and dropped her voice back down to a calmer tone as she continued: “Either we get lucky and only one person has to die to bring everyone back or another two million drop dead somewhere else.”

He gripped his baton tightly and then shook his head slowly.

“Mari…”

“Please. It’s our best bet.”

He reluctantly pulled the ring from his finger. She took off her earrings.

The kwamis looked at each other in alarm.

But the humans weren’t seeing any other options.

She felt the ring drop into her hand and winced. She and Adrien met eyes and she slowly leaned up, pressing a short kiss to his lips.

“Dontcha trust me, Chaton?”

He gave a halfhearted grin. “Usually, M’lady. Make sure to add that we remember everything, I am definitely not going through that love square stuff again.”

She nodded slightly, biting her lip.

“See you on the other side.”

She made the wish.

~

He flinched and shielded his eyes from the bright light that emanated from the ring and earrings. By the time he was able to open his eyes again, he found himself sitting at his piano.

Adrien sighed. Wow, he could actually sigh again without hurting. Was this what breathing normally was like? He touched his no longer broken ribs. Man, he was never going to take those for granted again.

Well, at least that was good. Everything else around him was awful.

He was apparently in the middle of piano lessons… in the middle of a school day. Which meant that, in this reality, he had never attended public school.

Sure, he no longer really had friends there outside of Marinette due to Lila, but at least he had had Marinette. He scrolled through his phone contacts and sighed again. He had a whopping four numbers saved: Chloe Bourgeois, Kagami Tsurugi, Gabriel Agreste, and…

Emilie Agreste.

It worked. He didn’t really know why he was surprised. He wouldn’t be there right now if it hadn’t, it should have been obvious, but it hadn’t really sunk in yet. His mother was alive. She was present. He could see her right now if he wanted.

But he couldn’t yet. Mainly because he knew that the moment that he saw her he would likely break down, and he didn’t know how he would explain that.

Besides that, he hadn’t seen his mother in nearly four years. What was he supposed to say to her? Could he really go up to her and act like he’d spoken to her just yesterday?

His phone buzzed in his hand and he raised an eyebrow at the unknown number. He shrugged to himself and answered the call, pressing it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Chaton!” Said Marinette brightly.

He raised his eyebrows. “How do you still have my number? We haven’t met in this dimension.”

“I have it memorized.”

“Of course you do,” he murmured. Then he paused. “Wait a minute… aren’t you supposed to be in school right now?”

“Nope, Lila got me expelled again.”

“Again?! How do they keep falling for that?”

“I dunno. Seems like this one is permanent, though. I’m in online school now.”

He sighed and closed his eyes. “The hell? Do you know what changed?”

“No clue. Tikki and Plagg dunno either… or they just don’t wanna tell me because they’re still mad. I dunno.”

“I guess we’ll find out if the entire world gets wiped out by a plague or if we hit World War III in the next few days.”

Marinette gave a tiny laugh, though he could tell it wasn’t real.

Adrien opened his mouth to ask if they should spend some time looking into it… but then his door opened.

Emilie.

His breath caught in his throat. He was sure he looked stupid, his mouth hanging half-open as he stared at his mother, but he couldn’t care less. His eyes searched her face, comparing it to the last time he had seen her. There were a few more lines, her eyes were a little more tired, but it was undoubtedly his mother.

“Adrien?” Emilie and Marinette said at the same time, their voices laced with worry. Of course they were worried, he had been completely silent for over a minute.

He looked at the ceiling and blinked a few times to get rid of the tears threatening to spill over. Probably another reason they were concerned.

When he was sure that he could keep his voice steady, he spoke: “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

He knew she didn’t really believe him, the tiny frown on her lips made that obvious, but she wasn’t questioning him. Thank kwami. He didn’t even know how he could play that off.

“Are you done practicing for the day?” She asked.

“No, I just stopped to talk to my friend.” He brought his phone back to his ear. “I’ll call you back later. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Adrien,” she murmured.

The line went dead. He dropped his phone into his lap.

“Friend?” Emilie teased with a knowing smile. He felt a blush rise to his cheeks. “Chloe or Kagami?”

“Marinette. She’s…” He scrambled for a believable place he could have met her. “... I met her at her parent’s bakery and we really hit it off.”

His mother took a seat next to him. “Would you like to talk about her?”

“Uh… maybe later.” He said, despite intending to avoid the subject for as long as he could possibly get away with it. Not only was he scared of getting his story wrong if he talked too much about her but the idea of talking to his recently un-deaded mom about girls was just a bit uncomfortable.

“Alright… want to play piano together?”

“Of course.”

They opted for Chopsticks. Even if they could pull off almost any piece without a hitch, they didn’t really want to. It’s a lot of effort. Sometimes the basics are exactly what you need.

And, when they finished, they heard clapping.

Adrien flinched and looked around.

It was Gabriel Agreste. He leaned in the doorframe, clapping semi-sarcastically (after all, Chopsticks isn’t exactly to their normal standard), but he looked so… happy.

Adrien almost didn’t know what to do. When was the last time he’d seen his father like that? A smiling face, relaxed posture, and even casual clothes… was this even the same guy? It was hard to imagine this man could ever be Hawkmoth.

Emilie grinned and gave a sarcastic bow. “Thank you, my love. We tried very hard.”

His parents looked at him as if expecting something. But Adrien didn’t really know what to say. How do you interact with people you haven’t known in years?

“Are you alright?” Asked Gabriel, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Adrien couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed himself to his feet. “I need some air. Can I take my bodyguard out to a bakery?”

“I suppose... but what’s wrong?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” he said, then fought back a wince. Well, at least it wouldn’t find it weird. They’d just think he was going through an angsty teen phase.

He grabbed his phone and wallet and gave a wave as he slipped out the door.

Adrien got into the car and leaned back in the seat. He mumbled the address to Marinette’s bakery and then typed out a message to his girlfriend to warn her that he was coming over.

He stared out the window as they cruised through the streets. He’d always hated being driven places, it always gave him a lot of time to think. His bodyguard wasn’t exactly the most verbally inclined person. He was always left alone with his thoughts. He hoped that he’d get to Marinette’s place soon, because he felt like he was going to go insane.

One thing. One thing had changed, and suddenly his life was the best it had ever been. Sure, in this world he didn’t go to school, but that was fine. It was apparently plausible that he would have met Marinette anyways, and at least then he wouldn’t have had to worry about Lila or find out Chloe was a horrible person.

Speaking of terrible people, his dad was, inexplicably, a decent father again. He cared about him and made jokes, it was like seeing an entirely different person. He couldn’t take it. He’d been so close to having this for the past four years of his life and yet...

The bakery came into view. He sighed in relief. Thank kwami. A distraction.

~

The first thing she’d done when she’d fully understood how her new life was going (hint: not well) was call Adrien. This was mainly so he’d have her phone number but also because she’d been a little scared that maybe the person who had died instead of his mother was him.

That would be one bitch of a butterfly effect.

She looked at the butterfly miraculous still in her hand. Pun not intended.

But, anyways, he was fine. She was happy to hear his voice, even if he sounded a little anxious.

Then he’d hung up. Marinette had heard a woman’s voice over the line, so she assumed that his mother had appeared (she doubted he’d hang up if it was just Nathalie).

So this wish had worked…

Great?

She looked at the pair of kwamis hovering by her. They were giving… disapproving looks, to say the least.

Marinette huffed a little. “What, was I supposed to let everyone die?”

“It will balance out,” said Tikki with a sigh as she settled into her normal spot on her shoulder.

“Well, could you at least tell me how?”

Plagg shrugged. “We don’t know. We don’t have any control over it, either.”

She sighed and pulled out her computer. Fine. She would just have to search the web. Surely, it would be something big. Either a bunch of people would have died that hadn’t before or someone important would either be dead or alive when they shouldn’t be.

So, she scoured the internet for things that had happened over the past four years.

But there wasn’t anything.

Sure, it wasn’t like she paid a lot of attention to news when she was twelve, but as far as she could remember everything seemed alright. There hadn’t been any major genocides, no major nuclear incidents, not even an out of place politician (she thought, though that one was harder for her to confirm).

She bit her lip and looked around until she found her bulletin board.

In the last dimension it had been covered with posters of Adrien but now it was empty. Huh. She supposed that made sense. She’d fallen for Adrien because he was kind and, from what she could tell, no one had been kind to this Marinette for quite some time.

She decided not to think about it too much. She could tell that her future was going to be depressing, she was going to avoid that for as long as possible.

Besides, she’d found the perfect distraction!

Marinette hummed to herself as she printed off headlines from all over the world (or, at least, translated versions of them) and started tacking them up. She put special emphasis on the ones that had to do with the past few days or the day that Emilie went missing by connecting them all with pink yarn.

And then the trapdoor was flung open.

She screamed and practically threw the bulletin board in an attempt to hide it (because she surely looked like a crazy person, or at the least a very invested conspiracy theorist).

She whipped around and then relaxed. Adrien.

“Oh, Chaton, hi,” she said, resting a hand over her heart as if that would calm it somehow. “Didn’t know you were coming.”

“I sent a text.”

She frowned and walked to where her phone sat on her desk, glancing it over and finding that, yes, he actually had texted her.

“Sorry, I was a bit distracted.”

He glanced at her bulletin board and raised his eyebrows slightly. “Seems like it.” He slowly climbed through the trapdoor the rest of the way and closed it behind himself.

Plagg floated over to him and dropped the cat miraculous into his hand. He didn’t even seem to think about it as he slipped it onto his finger.

They sent their kwamis out to recharge.

Marinette slowly pulled her bulletin board out again, propping it up against the bed.

“Anything seem off to you?” She asked, taking a seat by him on the floor.

His eyes flicked over the headlines for a bit, head tilting to the side as he thought. And then he sighed and shook his head. “I’m pretty sure that’s all right.”

“Me too. What are the chances that the whole consequences thing was a lie so we wouldn’t use the wish and get infinite power or whatever?”

Adrien gave a humorless laugh. “That sounds like something Master Fu would do but I don’t think Plagg or Tikki would do that. I don’t think they can even lie to us.”

They stared at the board in silence for a few more minutes.

“My dad is a good person in this reality,” said Adrien, his voice soft. “I was so… I was so close to having a normal family.”

She hesitated, unsure what to say to her boyfriend. She rested her head on his shoulder. His head rested on top of hers.

“At least you can enjoy him being nice now?” She tried weakly.

“Not really. It feels almost wrong now. He doesn’t feel like my dad, he feels like some random guy who happens to look like him. And, with my mom, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to talk with her. What do I say? What does she know? I don’t know her at all but she knows me so well and it’s weird --.” He cut himself off with a sigh. “Sorry, I just… I have a lot of emotions right now.”

“It’s okay, I’ll vent when you’re done. Make it fair,” she half-joked.

He gave her a halfhearted grin, his hand finding hers. “I’m pretty much done. If I kept going I probably just would have repeated myself. What’s wrong with new you?”

“Uh… mostly the fact that Lila got me expelled, apparently permanently because I’m in online classes and seem to have been for a while, and that I have about fifteen blocked numbers and two contacts. Not a good ratio to have.”

His thumb rubbed circles in the back of her hand she couldn’t help but relax a little.

“Guess we’re now we’re both homeschooled idiots with decent parents now. We can start a club.”

She laughed. “Remind me why I’m in love with you.”

“I’m hilarious, devilishly handsome, good with kids --.”

He was cut off by a kiss. She ran her free hand through his hair and he wrapped an arm around her waist.

They stayed like that for a while. It had been a long few days and they were perfectly happy to just relax together like this, even if it was only for a moment.

But, eventually, she pulled away. He rested his forehead against hers as they caught their breath.

He broke into a cheeky grin. “Is that how you’re always going to shut me up? Because I have so many more good attributes that I can list off. We could do this for hours --.”

She kissed him again, though this time they were both laughing a bit too much to take it seriously.

Did they know, somewhere, that avoiding their problems like this wasn’t doing them any good? Sure, but that didn’t mean that they were going to stop.

~

Adrien sat on a park bench, staring at where the statue of Ladybug and Chat Noir used to sit.

He wondered, vaguely, what that artist was doing now. Did they still do art? What were their subjects?

It was always weird to think about all the lives they had affected but he’d found himself thinking about it far more often now that they were practically nameless.

Alya still had a blog dedicated to vigilantes, though it was for ones all over the world and the style was different. Lila lied about how she’d known the Waynes before they’d died instead of how she knew Ladybug and Chat Noir. The usual debates about which Parisian hero was cooler were replaced by talk of gameshow contestants.

He’d never done heroism for that kind of reason, he’d had enough fame as Adrien Agreste to satisfy him for this life and the next, but it almost like all the work he’d done as Chat Noir had been useless.

Maybe because, technically, it was now. If Hawkmoth had gotten the ladybug and cat miraculi first day the world would have likely been the exact same as it was for him now. Three and a half years of work, and all of it could have been avoided.

He felt someone sit down beside him on the bench and he sent his girlfriend a tiny smile.

“You came,” he chirped, wrapping his arms around her tightly and pulling her into him.

She laughed. “Yeah, obviously, you would have never let it go if I didn’t,” she joked, wrapping her arms around him as well.

Their smiles slipped a little as their eyes fell on the blank spot where their statue had been.

“I miss being a hero,” he breathed.

She didn’t say anything for a long time, and he was starting to wonder if she’d even heard, but then she mumbled her answer: “Me too. It feels like something’s missing.”

He nodded his agreement, though he got the feeling that they were talking about it in different contexts.

“It’s weird. I used to hate being a hero but, now that I’m not anymore, it’s almost like there’s nothing to do. It’s just not the same.”

Yep. They were thinking different things. He didn’t mind, though. What does the reasoning matter when they were both feeling the same?

So, he’d laughed quietly and gave her a theory he had for her problem: “I think we messed up our adrenal glands. Nothing is dangerous enough for us to really get that high, so everything feels weird.”

“Well…” She began, a smug grin on her face.

He rolled his eyes. “Nothing legal gets nearly dangerous enough,” he corrected himself.

She laughed a little and rested her head against his chest. He rubbed tiny circles into her back.

“We could still be heroes, you know…”

He raised his eyebrows a little bit. “Sorry?”

“I mean… who says we have to stop?”

“The fact that there’s no supervillains for us to fight here.”

She gave him a tiny shrug. “Then we don’t do it here.”

He fought the urge to facepalm. Of course. How had he not thought of that before? There were plenty of supervillains and there was absolutely no way that all of them already had heroes to face off against.

(And, on top of that, they were kind of avoiding their problems. It was much easier to do that when all your problems were in a different city.)

“Have you ever heard of Gotham? It’s got a lot of crime and pretty much no one protecting it.”

He tipped his head back against the back of the bench and tried not to laugh.

They had both come to an understanding back when they’d started that they would be protectors of Paris for as long as Hawkmoth ruled, then it would be over. They had thought they might remain friends but all superhero business was definitely coming to an end.

Oh, how plans had changed.

She must have taken his silence for hesitance, because she quickly backtracked:  “We have two years before we can move out anyways, so we have a lot of time to decide --.”

“I’d love to, M’lady.”

She stared at him with wide eyes. “Really?”

He grinned and pressed a kiss to her nose. “Is that even a question? Fighting crime with you until we grow old? Sounds like a dream, honestly.”

Her face reddened to the shade of her costume.

“Oh… good.”

“Good,” he agreed.

They laid back on the bench together and smiled as they imagined what they could be doing in two short years.

~

They were, in fact, two very long years.

It turns out that avoiding people is very hard. Especially when they live in your house (Adrien) or when they purposefully drop by every few days to gloat (Marinette).

It was a testament to their patience that they didn’t just grab their stuff and move out a few weeks in.

But, if they had done that, they probably wouldn’t have gotten the same rush of relief that they’d had when they stepped out of the cab -- Gotham didn’t have a direct airport, it was too easy for criminals -- and seen Gotham for the first time.

They were free.

Marinette hummed to herself as she helped grab some bags from the trunk and then looked around with Adrien.

They’d purposefully chosen to get out in the middle of the city to gauge how bad it was, and it was somehow even worse than they’d thought it’d be. Someone was selling drugs like they were hotdogs, yelling ‘coke’ at the top of his lungs. An old lady had pulled a gun on an actual hotdog vendor. A cop was taking a bribe to turn the other way so some kids could hotwire a car.

They broke into wide grins.

“We have some work to do,” she said.

He raised an eyebrow at their bags. Her face dropped into a pout.

“Fiiiine, we’ll unpack first.”

He laughed and waved her along.

~

They smiled as they stepped into their new house.

Gabriel had tried to buy them an entire manor as a wedding present but they’d managed to talk him down to a normal house. It was in a decent neighborhood (by Gotham standards), it had a room for them and a guest room, it had an island counter in the kitchen. That was basically they’d all cared about.

Well, that and…

He carefully peeled up a few floorboards underneath their bed and she dropped the miraculous box inside. Thank kwami they’d thought ahead enough to get laminate flooring, they didn’t know what they would have done to hide it if they’d gotten hardwood or marble.

And then they’d gotten to work setting up the house. Most of the furniture was already there, but they still had to unpack their belongings.

Adrien… was not really allowed to do much of the unpacking. He’d wanted to help, but Marinette was very particular about both kitchen equipment and clothes. Sure, she definitely understood different folding methods and their effects and would likely be the only one using the kitchen, but he still wanted to do something. Unfortunately, those were really the only two things that needed being done.

He’d settled for watching her do things from a windowsill and giving occasional encouragement.

She was done within two hours.

He grinned. “Y’know, I miss France.”

“Already?”

“Yeah, Gotham has no sunny windows to sit in. It’s depressing.”

She pressed her lips together tightly to hide a smile. “That’s so sad. I feel awful for you.”

“I know!” He said, stretching out. “Ready to go, M’lady?”

“Well, yes, but we need to talk personas.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Personas? What about them?”

“No one knows who we are here. This is our one chance to change our personas.”

Adrien hesitated. Change their personas? The idea of it was foreign to him. Chat Noir had always been his way of expressing himself without worrying about how it would hurt him and his father’s reputations. Chat was such a big part of him, getting rid of him would be insane.

But he knew better than anyone that Ladybug was just an idealized version of Marinette.

While Chat had been great for his mental health because he had an outlet for all his feelings, Ladybug had had the opposite effect for Marinette because it made her feel inferior.

He smiled encouragingly. “I’m keeping mine the same, but if you want to change yours that’s perfectly fine.”

She nodded and bit her lip. “Hey, Tikki!”

Tikki popped her head out of the kitchen and then slowly came around, their paws behind their back as they tried to hide the macaroon she’d stolen with her body. “Yes, Marinette?”

Marinette looked like she was going to ask about the macaroon, because it was really easy to see, but then she apparently decided against it. “Can I change my outfit?”

“No, sorry.”

She pouted. “That’s stupid. Can I at least have a more practical weapon than a yoyo?”

“No, everything is set, sorry.”

Marinette groaned. “That’s it. I’m stealing a pipe from the street and using that.”

Adrien laughed, hopping down from the windowsill.

Tikki looked like she was going to argue, but Marinette transformed before she could.

“You’re totally going to get a lecture for that later.”

She clicked her tongue and rested her hands on her hips. “Not if I never get out of the suit.”

He rolled his eyes. “Smart, I see no problems with that plan. Plagg, claws out.”

“Nooooooo,” complained the kwami as he zipped into Adrien’s ring. The cheese he was holding dropped onto the floor at his feet.

They stared at it for a second, then Adrien shrugged. “Problem for later?”

“Definitely.”

The partners sent each other excited smiles as they slipped out a window.

~

For the record, they did try and do things the ‘ethical’ way originally.

Approximately three months. That was all that it took for them to break their no-killing rule.

Of course, they hadn’t really wanted to kill anyone. But…

Marinette stared at the body at her feet.

She tightened her grip on the bloody cane in her hand.

She was disgusted with herself… because she didn’t feel any guilt at all.

It had been necessary, it was very obvious that he wasn’t going to be serving any hard time. After the second time they had caught him she had researched him and found that he was an assassin that worked for the mob. He would always be bailed out.

The police were corrupt. She knew that. It was pretty much the only consistent thing in this world, but this was way worse than she was used to. They wouldn’t just openly let someone out because a mobster told them to, it would always be discreet bribery of the jury or judge.

No wonder the city was having such a hard time. This would be more work than they’d been expecting...

Adrien’s sigh brought her back to reality.

He held up his hand to use Cataclysm, but she grabbed his arm and held him back.

“No. I have an idea.”

He frowned, raising his eyebrows.

“Can you go to the craft store and get some spray paint? Red, black, and green. Please?”

The next day the mob found their assassin’s body stuck to the outside of one of their bars. On the door they found the words ‘We’re cleaning up the city’ in green and, underneath that, the words ‘Sorry about the mess, service workers’ in red. It was signed with a graffitied ladybug and black cat.

A few days later, the entire staff was found dead.

The lucky ones had found their deaths quick, either beheaded by a yoyo string or shot with a gun stolen off another staff member.

Others had no bodies at all. All that remained of them were piles of dust.

The mob boss’s body had been found in the center of it all, broken and bloody. He’d had the most painful death, it seemed. He’d been beaten to death with what forensics had later identified as a cane and a staff.

But, while the police were concentrating on the massacre that the Parisians had left behind, the criminals had focused on the words that had been left on the building.

The green was the more basic of the two, a simple ‘We told you we were going to, you should have prepared’.

In red, though, was what was later dubbed the Crime Tier List. Here, they had detailed how they would punish different crimes. At the bottom was ‘Juvie’ which had only listed ‘Kids’. At the top was ‘Murder’ which had included, most notably, ‘Serial Killers’ and ‘Mobsters’.

Needless to say, people were a little bit more hesitant to commit crimes.

They didn’t stop. Obviously. It was Gotham.

But they did start doing things more discreetly. You could no longer find cops accepting bribes on the street or muggings out in the open or drug vendors yelling about their wares.

Instead, Gotham leaned in to a different part of its underworld, focusing more on organized crime.

Marinette and Adrien grinned at the blurry photos of their personas found in an alleyway, giving a reward for information. If they were already putting out a hit on them then the higher ups must be at least a little concerned about what they might do to them.

Good. They should be concerned.

~

The police tried to capture them one time.

They actually succeeded in capturing Marinette.

And then quickly realized their mistake.

She hadn’t been concerned as a gun was pressed to her back. Sure, the gun would definitely kill her. She wasn’t completely invulnerable, and her patented Ladybug Luck could only do so much when a glock was pressed to her skin. Still…

She handed over the woman that she had caught hotwiring a car and dropped the photo evidence she’d collected on the nearest desk.

“You’re under arrest for murder,” said the officer behind her.

She hummed lightly to tell him she understood (Miranda Rights and all) and let him cuff her.

And then she’d let them throw her in the holding cell.

Really, her nonchalance should have been a red flag for them. If a person you’re arresting isn’t concerned about getting caught, then you should run. Shit’s gonna go down.

She had sent up an alert to her husband with her yoyo and taken a seat in the cell. There were other people there. A good amount had actually been brought in by her or Chat Noir. But none of them dared to come near her.

An hour in, every light in the police station had flickered.

Marinette grinned widely and pushed herself to her feet. “Sounds like my cue to leave. You guys should leave, too, I doubt he’ll be happy.”

“What do you --?”

The lights went out.

She pulled on her arms until she had managed to snap her cuffs. There was a tiny yelp from nearby at the sound of the chain breaking, she didn’t pay it any mind. She rubbed her irritated wrists and walked to the bars.

Marinette leaned towards where she knew the lock was. It really was unfortunate that she was going to probably be letting out the other criminals but, really, the police should have expected this. Besides, this was a lesson. They shouldn’t have tried to capture her, nor should they attempt it again in the future.

A person screamed and she glanced up.

In the doorway was a pair of glowing green eyes.

“Hey, Chaton, don’t kill them! We dunno if any of them are nice, but on the off chance that there is, like, one here we wouldn’t want to get rid of them…”

“Alright, M’lady!” He said. “But I’m still going to beat them up a bit.”

“Sounds good!” She chirped, straightening.

His eyes dimmed slowly until the room was completely dark once more.

She kicked the cell door open and couldn’t help but laugh at the wheeze of the nearby security guard getting flattened by the metal. Really, they should have expected that the door would come off. They deserved to get hit by it if they hadn’t moved.

She hummed lightly as she leaned over the security guard and she pulled the baton from his belt. She weighed it in her hands. Not as good as her cane but it would have to do.

She listened to Adrien working his way through the policemen towards her. He had the advantage. In the dark it would be stupid to use their guns, they’d be more likely to hit their comrades if they hit anyone at all. He could just take them down one by one with them swinging blindly at him.

Wait, no. Lights were flickering on. Handheld, just normal flashlights. It seemed that there were a few smart people. Not smart enough, though, because they had just announced their locations to the second person in the room that was out to get them.

She got to work as well. She carefully slipped around and started taking out everyone who had thought to get out a flashlight. They started flicking off quickly once the police came to realize that she was targeting them.

She felt a hand tap her shoulder and she whipped around, her baton swinging, only to have someone catch her arm.

Green eyes flickered with light in front of her and she relaxed.

“Chaton,” she greeted, her voice soft so no one could hear her.

He pressed a short kiss to her lips. “M’lady.”

She felt him scoop her up in his arms and clicked her tongue, but she still wrapped her arms around his neck. She buried her face in his shoulder as he ran through the precinct. Occasionally, she’d feel his body jerk as he kicked out at someone in their way, but otherwise it was a pretty smooth ride.

And then the precinct was quiet outside of panicked breathing and people groaning in pain.

The lights flickered back on a few minutes later.

They were gone.

~

They tried not to seem too interested when their personas were brought up.

They had a lot of practice in this, but they were more concerned about their images this time around. This was for many reasons, but the main ones were that they were now both using their own personality for their personas and that their new personas were less stereotypically heroic.

They had made sure to remain approachable. If they found someone walking home alone while on patrol they would hop down and offer to walk them the rest of the way. They smiled and waved and gave autographs and kissed babies...

But they were also killing people. Consistently. More often than not the people they were helping would be able to spot dark red stains on their suits or weapons.

So, when they had attended a function for the Gotham elites and he had heard their personas come up nearby, he couldn’t help but listen in a bit more.

Adrien tilted his head slightly towards the conversation as he sipped at his cranberry juice.

“... don’t you think Ladybug and Chat Noir are being a bit harsh?”

He winced internally. He didn’t know what he’d expected.

“I get wanting to clean up the city, but you can’t do that if the streets are full of blood.”

“Right? They’re killing people. What if those people ended up becoming better at some point? Now they never will…”

Adrien couldn’t bring himself to listen anymore, instead looking around aimlessly as he thought.

Of course the elite of Gotham would say that, they almost always benefited from the crime that occurred in the city.

Still, they had some points...

He spotted his wife a few tables away, uncomfortably bunching her dress in her hands as she talked with another woman, and pushed the thoughts from his mind.

He’d been doing that a lot recently…

Whatever.

Adrien made his way over slowly and stopped a short distance away. After all, the woman clearly didn’t mean any harm. Marinette had just been more… let’s call it ‘hesitant’ when it came to making new friends ever since Lila had taken all her old ones away.

“Wow, your dress is gorgeous! Did you really make it yourself?”

Marinette nodded slightly, biting her lip. “Yep... I have a company and everything…”

“A company at your age? That’s so cool!”

“Yep… I do commissions if you’d like one...” she said in a tone that very much said ‘please say no’.

“I’d love one, can I have your card?”

Marinette nodded and started digging through her purse. He saw her send a look at him out of the corner of her eyes, a ‘please help’, and he sighed to himself.

He downed his cranberry juice until there was just a few more drops of the red liquid left and then stumbled over to his wife. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, beaming.

She clicked her tongue lightly as if exasperated and looked at him. “Yes?”

“Want t’go ‘ome?” He slurred.

She gave the woman an apologetic look. “I really should get him home. I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine,” said the stranger. They sighed. “I do hope I’ll be seeing you next year?”

“Maybe. I’ll see,” she said, then she hooked her arm around him. “Right, let’s get you home…”

They waited until she had half-carried him over a block away to break the act. They kept their arms around each other but he was no longer leaning on her.

She tightened her grip on him slightly. “Sorry you had to leave early.”

He shook his head. “It’s fine. They sucked, anyways.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…”

They trailed off, lost in their thoughts as they walked through the streets of Gotham.

He was the one to break the silence: “M’lady?”

She hummed to tell him she was listening.

“What if…” He sighed. “What if the thing the wish changed was us? I mean, we’re killing people because of it. That would be the kind of irony you expect from things like this…”

She hesitated, the slight frown on her face unreadable.

And then she giggled.

“What do you mean that we’re killing people because Emilie is back? I’d still have been bored if we had been in the old timeline, so I at least would have still been doing this...”

“I doubt it. Because, in that timeline, you’d already failed one city.” He felt her flinch and sighed. “Sorry… but… I don’t think you would have been able to bring yourself to do this, risking another city and everything, if you hadn’t been able to get them back.”

She was quiet but he could feel the tenseness of her shoulders underneath him.

“And I wouldn’t have done this if I hadn’t felt like all our work in Paris was useless.”

She still said nothing, only taking out her keys and unlocking the door for them. They stepped inside and dropped onto the couch as a pair…

“And if Emilie hadn’t been brought back we wouldn’t have been as isolated.

He felt her curl into his side and snake her arm over his chest. He drew her in closer.

“This is the way it has to be,” she murmured.

Who was she trying to convince? Him? Or herself?

“Besides…” she added. “The system is broken. Fixing it will take a long time, but we can’t just let people get off in the meantime.”

He sighed and buried his face in her hair.

“You’re probably right, M’lady…”

“Always am, Chaton.”

~~~

I call this one ‘I only get two angst chapters I’m making the most of it goddamnit’

~

Taglist

@i-am-ironic @nathleigh @mialuvscats

<3

[rubyleeray]

MARS RED Review

Hey All! 

It’s been a while (way too long!) but I’m back! And I’m here with something extremely exciting!

A couple months ago, the good folks at Favary very kindly reached out and offered me the chance to be part of a beta test for their new game - MARS RED: Edge of the Nightmare based off of the Stageplay turned Anime of the same name written by Bun-O Fujisawa. 

Regretfully at the time, I was completely unfamiliar with this story/universe but that didn’t matter for long because as soon as I saw vampires - I was immediately on board. Not to mention the stellar cast featuring so many of my favourites!:

The Story

I want to start by saying that I’m not 100% certain as I have not seen any of the original source material yet, but I believe this is a new original story that continues/expands upon the existing MARS RED universe. 

You play as Yastufusa Yuki, a newly-turned reluctant vampire that is spiralling into an existential crisis. One day he encounters Organization Zero (a group of good vampires that hunt bad vampires) and discovers he holds a unique and rare ability to mentally recreate and perform crime scenes. With their help, Yatsufusa sets out to realize both his life and afterlife’s purpose while simultaneously helping fight crime.

Even if you are someone who has had enough of/doesn’t particularly like Vampire content (can’t relate!) - you will still enjoy MARS RED. Yatsufusa’s journey into self discovery in the afterlife is a more human story than you may think. If you have ever felt lost, lonely, confused, depressed, and/or unsure of yourself you will be able to relate to Yatsufusa in some way. And if that still isn’t enough to convince you, there are so many hilarious and touching moments, you will never be bored.

And the scene with the baby sparrow just completely melted my heart:

Gameplay

MARS RED is already unique to me in the sense that it is the only non-romance game I have on my phone but it’s also a Mystery/Crime/Horror Visual Novel which is such a great combination! I am not sure if there are any Good Ends or how many there may be yet (the story is still in development) but I have come across a couple bad ends. These were easy to go back and get for me because they involved choosing the options that no one earnestly playing a heroic protagonist should pick 🤣. They were quick and funny and are very obviously the wrong choice so if you haven’t hit one yet, you’re on the right path! If you want to get a bad end, go to the end of Chapter 1 and refuse to help.

Now, I don’t know if it’s a pandemic thing or just a me-getting-older thing😬, but I have almost no patience for games with checkpoints that I have to grind/spend like crazy for. All I really want to do these days is interact with a good story. MARS RED is the game I’ve been searching for for so long! Everything centres around and furthers the story which is super refreshing because for some reason that’s becoming increasingly rare in this genre (and industry in general🫖). Not only is it a solid, mysterious, supernatural crime story, it’s also super fun to play! I absolutely love when a game has mechanics that actually exist to serve and support the story and experience as opposed to just shamelessly providing the player with another reason to spend.

Here’s another confession: I hate most gachas. There, I said it. Why? Because for the most part, I only want/like stories. I don’t want avatar clothes or duplicates of N items that I have to go in and manually delete constantly. I just want to have more content of my faves without spending my entire pay cheque. Is that so much to ask!? MARS RED thinks not! I saw there were two current gachas even in beta: one limited and one not. I was excited because I love everything about the game already but I was also skeptical because I have a long history of being burned to a crisp by all gacha games. I was expecting to see an offering of the typical beautiful and virtually unattainable rainbow rare prizes like cards that are essentially useless (but damn are they pretty!).  However I am thrilled to report that MARS RED has blessed me with my dream gacha. STORIES GALOR-IES! 

The rainbow rare item was a story with a cg and I managed to pull it on my second 10-pull and OMG I loved it. It was so wholesome and pure and a great length that made it feel as premium as it gets! 

Aside from the story, there are three other major mechanics: Investigating, Inferring, and Exploring. 

Investigating is so much fun. It reminds me of my childhood days reading iSpy books and playing Spot the Difference games. To investigate, you simply tap on items in the scene to read about them. 

Each item offers their own unique clues and context and you better remember what you see because you better believe someone will ask you about it later and that’s called “Infer.”

During the Infer portion, you are given a limited amount of time to make assumptions and come to conclusions based on what you found during the Investigation portion. If you are like me and love playing Investigator - you will love this!

During the Explore portion, you don’t actually have to do much other than pair up 2 people and choose a location. They will Explore on their own and level up/earn you the money and points you’ll need to progress later on in the process. You can also earn rewards called “Murmurs” which are little short anecdotes between the guys.

Cons

My only “con”/criticism is that I wish there were more cgs. I hardly came across any and there were so many fantastic moments that would have completely blown me away with an accompanying CG. But for the record - the CGs I did see were gorgeous! 

Random Thoughts

I feel like this would make an excellent BL game - where are my fellow YatShu, YatSuwa, and/or YatDe, shippers?! XD

I love Yatsufusa. He is my son and I want nothing but the best for him and his vampire/human friends. If anything happens to him...I WILL become a vampire myself and avenge him. I already want NEED a little plush doll of him. 

This game is generous without spoiling the player and it’s user-friendly without making me feel like a child. I really appreciate that especially since I feel that most recently released games cram a million mechanics in without ever connecting them to the story. (Have I talked enough about how bothered I am by a lot of recently released games 🤣?)

HAS TUMBLR ALWAYS HAD A 10 PIC LIMIT?!

Closing Thoughts

If you’re looking for a game/story that you can actually enjoy without stressing over - give MARS RED a go! The world needs joy now more than ever and Yatsufusa’s smile is pure serotonin! Go get yourself a boost and download this game available now on both Google Play and App Store! 

Thank you for spending some time with me! I hope you are doing well and keeping safe & happy. I’m off to go play more of this game (Chapter 7 just released!) while finally checking out the anime! Stay safe and healthy and I’ll see you soon!

***Disclaimer: I was provided early access to this app for the purpose of reviewing it by Favary. I have not been nor will I be compensated for my review, but I received a small in-game sum of points to complete the story in the beta. This does not mean my opinions or words were bought and paid for. These are my honest thoughts and feelings and Favary entered into this agreement with me requesting and expecting nothing but.***

[ivanaskye]

I’ve been thinking about making this post for a while, since I finished reading Wheel of Time, a series whose first book I read many years ago and hated, a series which ended up being very much one of my favorite of all time if not my single favorite, a series that has my two favorite characters ever.

A series that is very flawed.

So behold, my long answer to the question...

Should you read The Wheel of Time?

I’ll split this into three sections (but not three posts): What Even Is The Wheel Of Time, Some Likely Dealbreakers, and Tl;Dr.

Under the readmore, of course.

1. What Even Is The Wheel of Time?

A system of circular time in which the same rough eras of humanity repeat

However, the fact that time in the series operates this way... doesn’t actually matter that much.

And out of seven total repeating ages, we only spend time in one, and only know anything at all about four others.

The last three? A mystery

Don’t worry about it

Okay, that’s probably not what you were asking. You were probably asking something more like: what’s the plot of this series?

Let me be straight with you about that one.

It’s a Chosen One plot.

But,

It also has a very large cast of characters, many of which are very Protagonist in their own right

Including the main character’s immediate foil, who is absolutely not a “Chosen One” except for the fact that she freaking chose herself, basically manufacturing her own call to adventure out of the main character’s. 

The six Most Main characters (by most fans’ understanding), can IMO be divided exactly into three foil-pairs: the Central Saving The World one, the Self Awareness Whomst? I Hate People Of Course I’d Never Help Anyone (Trips over 139289131 Pictures of Helping Other People) one, and the Study In Leadership one.

And remember that Chosen One I mentioned?

Yeah, he actually has a shit deal with being Chosen

Specifically: he is 100% prophecized to destroy the world. Whether he also saves it is a little more up in the air.

He’s also almost certainly fated to Go Insane.

(...Which is why the first ~3 books of the series are just him Running Away From His Fate at Full Speed, which--spoiler alert--Does Not Work.)

See also: Alienating All Your Friends 101, How NOT To Accept Being Polyamorous, It’s War Crimes Time

(Yes, there is canon polyamory.)

(...And a LOT of canon war crimes.)

But. In order to go any further, I have to talk about the Possible Dealbreakers of these series. 

2. So, About Those Dealbreakers

Broadly speaking, I’d say there are three: length, The Gender Binary, and Oh God Why Is Everyone Such A Dumbass.

Let’s go at these one-by-one.

Length

Let me be very clear here: WoT is over four million words long in total.

This has at times been calculated as perhaps the longest word count for any series... ever? It’s certainly one of the longest English-language series that occurs to random statistics geeks to look at the word count of.

For reference, in case you needed it... that’s longer than Homestuck. This is true even if you translate images, videos, and so on into equivalent word counts. And include the epilogue. And... yeah.

It’s like, shonen-long.

The upside of this, however... is that it’s really long.

That might seem like a weird upside, but if you’ve ever wanted to get really immersed in a series... especially if you read very quickly and usually get through things fast... well.

To put things in perspective, I often read 300-page books in one sitting without trouble. WoT took me about six months.

So uh

Do you want your life, mind, body, and soul to get eaten by a book series?

The answer to that question will probably tell you if you should read Wheel of Time

The Gender Binary

Okay, so here’s the thing: in the time period WoT takes place in, only women can use The One Power (the main form of magic in the setting).

The reason for this is that the One Power, despite being called one right there in the name, is divided into the Female Version and the Male Version. Only women can use the former, only men can use the latter. And the latter has been tainted such that any man who uses it goes mad.

Our main character is a man who can use the power.

The upside is that things actually go very un-sexistly from here. The different ways to access male (saidin) vs female (saidar) power don’t actually correlate to any consistent difference in personality or attitudes between men and women.

The fact that the MC is The One Man Using The Power and The Most Powerful, Because Chosen One... is actually also played shockingly un-sexistly. 

However, there very much always is that binary. Trans people? Nonbinary people? Uh... you can headcanon if you want, but the canon is not giving you that much to work with.

To make matters a little worse, men and women distrust each other to an almost hilarious amount in the setting. (My guess is something about Mostly A Patriarchy + Women Are The Mysterious Powerful Magic Users has really frayed gender relations in this society.) There are many, many in-character statements of “All men are [x unflattering thing]” “all women are [y unflattering thing]”, but these do not seem to in any way reflect the author’s beliefs, and are never actually true in-world; the characters are just Bad At This.

(A common example of this is “Women are all gossips!” *cut to a group of women* “Men are all gossips!”. Of course, the truth is that there are both male and female gossips and non-gossips in the series).

You would think this situation would lead to more just-women and just-men groups, but except from Magic-User Stuff, there isn’t that much of that, becaaaaause

~Heterosexuality~

Sigh, yes, this series is very het.

It’s not as het as it is binary; the Aes Sedai (female magic users) have a word for women who are having sex with each other, and there’s an onpage FF kiss in the prequel.

But it’s... not a lot.

So if you need a hit of sweet, sweet LGBTQ rep, it’s... not going to be here. Sorry. (Thankfully, a very large amount of fantasy books coming out today do have rep! It’s not that hard to find!)

Thankfully, most of WoT’s het romances are pretty good and believable/shippable. Though not all are.

And, the final likely dealbreaker...

Everyone Here Is A Dumbass

Listen. Nobody in this series drank their Having Brain Cells juice, uh... ever.

(Okay, exactly two characters--Min and Loial--did, but that’s it)

You know how I was talking about the gender mistrust? That’s just one example of an endemic problem of absolutely no one trusting other people, telling anyone things, or in any way having functional conversations

Min Literally Saves Lives By Being The Only Person Who Tells People Things

In addition to interpersonal problems, the characters’ problem-solving skills are uhh

Uhhhhhh

Uhhhhhhhh

Well, as I said, Rand, our main character, spends three books running away from his problems at full speed

After that, he’s only uh... dodging! Jogging away! Yeah

Meanwhile, basically everyone is doing the I Must Put Myself In Extreme Danger To Protect My Friends Who I would Never Accept Doing The Same (bonus points for when two people are doing this to protect each other at the same time) thing

And I Will Face God And Run Into Danger At Mach Speed

The upside is... you might like reading about these kinds of characters

But if you prefer characters who are not walking trash fires

Then I’m sorry

WoT is probably not for you

3. Tl;dr

In summary, Wheel of Time is an almost comically long series about a large cast of characters who have never functioned in their life trying to prevent the end of the world and having a really bad time.

(For some reason it doesn’t have a reputation as a Dark SeriesTM, but it actually is very dark at times. Although far from grim--every action seems to really matter, nothing is meaningless, it’s just that sometimes those actions are war crimes and people dying and a shit-ton of torture).

IMO, some of the other series that might be good predictors for liking WoT are Homestuck, Hunter X Hunter, and ASOIAF. In other words, other very long, large-casted series about trash fires.

If you want one other bit of enticement, the main character has the lowest nadir of any character arc I’ve ever seen, followed by the most impressive high and resolution. So if that’s your kind of thing, and if the dealbreakers don’t break your deals. Go ahead and give it a try.

[mccall-me-maurice]

In Hopes You’re on the Other Side, Talking to me too

Pairing: Jack Merridew/Ralph

Word Count: 2016

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol

Jack was trying his best to be Ralph’s everything. But in the end, it wasn’t enough. So every night the redhead finds himself talking to the moon to try and win Ralph back through words that he’ll never really say to the boy. All in hopes that perhaps a certain someone is doing the exact same.

Jack hates himself more than he hates anyone else in the galaxy. Okay, maybe that’s a lie. Maybe there are a couple people worse than him but it really can’t be all that many. It’s probably one of the shortest lists to ever grace this planet, but for now he’s focusing on the fact that he just lost the best thing that has ever happened to him.

Ralph and Jack never really got along until 2 years ago. They had a horrible past of bloody fights and words that chilled the other to the bone. They were so used to painting old school tiles with each other’s blood that they didn’t really get the time to know each other much further than hatred. Until 2 years ago, on the last day of their senior year. Ralph had finally held his hand out to Jack, letting the redhead take it instead of trying to maim him. That was all that it took for the boy who previously was his rival to become fascinated with Ralph in a way other than what he initially thought. Of course, it was supposed to be a horribly inconvenient time for both of them and if he had to guess, Jack would’ve said Ralph planned it so he wouldn’t have to face the freckled boy again. However, fate had different plans for them and on their first day of college, the two had been shocked to figure out that they were located in the same hall for the next four years.

Flash forward 1 and ½ years and Jack and Ralph were helplessly in love with each other. Nobody had suspected the pairing of an easygoing business major and finance major to pair up with each other. Jack himself didn’t really notice when the shift from friends to boyfriends occurred but before he could blink an eye, he was abandoning homework assignments to be with Ralph and staying up hours past when he usually drifted off to sleep to hear the tired voice of his boyfriend giggle about people he had seen in class. 20 years old and Jack really believed he had found his soulmate. He really believed that they would be together for as long as they lived. As long as the sun burned in the sky, his hand would be in Ralph’s. Even once they passed, they would be dancing together as ghosts.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

It was March 3rd, the weather had shifted to overcast and Jack was slammed with studying for exams. Ralph’s exams had passed a week prior and the boy had flopped on his boyfriend’s bed, eyes scanning through a phone screen. Every so often he would hammer Jack with a series of questions and the redhead would be so tired he wouldn’t really give coherent responses. Late nights studying pages that were swimming with words and an excessive amount of monster energy drinks really turned someone’s brain to absolute mush. Not to mention Ralph had been sickeningly sweet to him, as if he could persuade Jack off of his swivel chair and onto the bed. As much as he wanted to be over there, running his fingers through Ralph’s hair and whispering the boy to sleep, all he could do was let the red ink of his pen slide across paper knowing that he was one sentence closer to the warm embrace of the blond.

“Jack…”

“What’s up?” Ralph sounded wary, like the news he was about to break would simply crush Jack. Little did he know, it would.

“Jack we need to take a break.” Jack choked on his spit. “Not forever. I don’t want to be away from you forever… Unless it has to be that way. Just for a couple weeks, a couple months. However long it takes for you to realise that there’s so much more to life than what lies in those textbook pages. I mean… You have been straight up ignoring me lately and I talked to Simon about it… He agreed that what's best for us is to just take a break. I suppose I’ll see you around.”

Which leads Jack to the present day, lying on the bed Ralph once laid on, scrolling through the text messages that Ralph once sent with tears in the corners of his eyes. He wants nothing more than to have the boy back, the heat of the soccer player's body warming Jack as he presses his cheek against blond hair. The energy of the night has been doing this to him recently, the darkness shrouding him as he lets himself sun quietly into the pillow. He can’t imagine that it’s not his fault. He gave Ralph his everything but even then the boy deserves so much more. He deserves the best and Jack clearly isn’t that for him. He will never be.

Jack shuts his phone off, placing it on the nightstand that lies to his left. The only thing that lights up the room is the beam of moonlight through his awfully cheap curtains. The flimsy white fabric barely blocks out anything, but even the inanimate object seems to be trying harder than Jack. The clock on his nightstand reads 23:57, signalling to the boy that even though exams are long over, he will still be up for at least another 3 hours. Not studying like he used to. No, he stopped studying the day that he took his final test, body filled with too much sorrow to even review the content properly. Recently the redhead has picked up the hobby of sitting cross legged in front of his window on the second floor of building B and he talks. He talks to the moon, to the stars, but most importantly he talks to Ralph. Whether the blond listens or not, he really isn’t sure. It’s not like his ex-boyfriend would ever be able to hear his cracked voice stumble over words as he spills his heart out to the endless night. Normally Jack wouldn’t even let himself be weak enough as to think about a head of blond hair for one more minute of one more day. And he does play a very clever façade in front of Roger and Maurice. He acts like Ralph doesn’t exist, like the hole in his heart doesn’t ache every time tan skin and ocean blue eyes filled with joy cross his path. On the days he isn’t sitting in his room, all alone, he’s out with his friends letting sweaty bodies press up against him as music blares. Drinks spill from red cups and onto the floor and all Jack can think about is how none of the people that choose to plaster themselves to him are Ralph. None of the people who cover his mouth with theirs, only to be quickly shoved off and sworn at, are the boy who he wishes would drunkenly kiss him. As much as he prays that Roger will show up empty handed with a party invite, at least once a week the raven haired boy is smirking at him with a bottle of booze clutched tightly in his fist. In order to seem like he’s the same sick person he was before he dated Ralph, he gives his friend an equally mischievous smile and takes the bottle.

Perhaps all of these emotions that Jack is feeling are Ralph’s fault. Or at least a byproduct of the fair boy. Before he let the boy ruin his life with ease, he was so cold hearted and had no fucks left to give. But for once, he had something to fight for that wasn’t himself. For once in his 20 years of life, Jack had someone who loved him just as much as he loved them. Which is why Ralph had always mattered more than a stupid party or nagging from his mates. He would’ve dropped the world to hold Ralph. Yes, that has to be it. All the crying had been because the blond’s soft heart had destroyed Jack. It had left him in a million pieces and as much as he didn’t want himself to be weak, as much as he hated himself for crying, it was happening.

Jack lets his body move over to the window, legs almost giving out underneath him as he falls into the place he’s become to know so very well over the past months. Roger didn’t invite him out today, but he doesn’t exactly blame the boy. There’s at least one party Roger attends every night, but bringing the heartbroken finance major who shoves off anyone who tries to make a move probably isn’t the best look for him. So instead Jack is sitting in the oversized pullover sweater with the college’s name plastered across the front that he got at orientation. He doesn’t need a mirror to know that his hair is all mussed and he probably looks like the human embodiment of death.

“Hey Ralph. I know you’re not talking to me… And you probably can’t even hear me. But I miss you. A lot. It’s really not in my character to miss people so that’s probably why this feels so weird.” Jack can’t help the sad laughter that bubbles up in his chest and escapes his lips. It just happens as naturally as breathing. “You know, I never thought that it would be you that I fell in love with. But here we are. I would’ve torn apart galaxies with my bare hands and rebuilt ones that would shield you from any pain. I don’t know how you’re feeling but I do know how I am. I miss the big smiles that you would give people when they said something hilarious, I miss the genuine laughs that you only did when we were alone. I miss the way your eyes mimic the ocean waves and dance like the sea. I miss the soft press of your hand against mine, and how they fit together like pieces of a puzzle. I miss you.” The same words that have been rolling off of his tongue for weeks come easy now, eyes not watering with tears quite yet. This is always the easy part. Simple things that anyone would miss when they lose their lover. However, Jack isn’t even close to finished and he knows his freckles will be stained with tears sometime soon.

“I miss the way you used to jump into my arms after you won a game despite being hideously dirty. I miss how you used to drag me out to look at every sunset because you wanted to find a beautiful part of every day…” His voice cracks at the end, memories swarming around like bees to honey. Every simple thing the fair boy did, probably without thought, now haunted Jack. The sweet gestures lived behind his eyes now, only as memories. A part of him wants to stop missing Ralph and just get on with his life. Live like a normal human being instead of one who can barely function without someone else there. He knows that eventually it will happen. It always does. Ralph has probably already moved on, found someone new to waste the days away with.

“Hey Ralph…” Jack starts tracing a pattern onto the knee of his sweatpants with his finger, eyes locked on the stars. Everything about the moment slows, the dancing lights in his peripheral, from a party in another building, the twinkling of the stars, the rush of wind against his face. Jack lets his heavy eyelids flutter shut, praying that one day, at some point, he’ll finally have an answer to the question that lays heavy on his tongue. All the sleepless nights and words that only he can hear lead to the same place. Like a winding road that always spits you out right where you began. All he can do is hope Ralph hears him, hope Ralph is right there with him whispering words to the moon that sits high in the sky.

“One day, will you love me again?”

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 6 Episode 3: Time to meet Group B! (Commentary & Guesses)

Hello fellow humans! Welcome (or welcome back) to Ana’s Masked Singer recap, where I recap and talk about this show called The Masked Singer if you wanna stick around for that. So, this time around, we get to meet the other group, Group B, who we might not see again for 2 weeks, since we are going to see group A perform again this upcoming week with a new wildcard, Pepper. Anyways, let’s get started with the recap:

Group B was introduced and they consisted of Dalmatian 🐶, Queen of Hearts 🫀, Mallard 🦆, Cupcake 🧁, and Banana Split 🍌🍦. They performed, and one was eliminated unfortunately, let’s start with that…

So the contestant that was eliminated/revealed first in Group B was:

Dalmatian 🐶

Performance Commentary: ok, so I wasn’t super surprised by this elimination honestly, I expected it since he was the weakest vocally of this group. He sang Beautiful by Snoop Dogg ft Pharrell Williams and I gotta give him props for actually singing when most rappers just decide to only rap and not sing at all on this show. However, he did sound a bit like they put way too much of that auto tune stuff on his voice so it sounded like a robot him singing, which kinda made him the weakest link. However, his rapping was awesome (duh because that’s what he does professionally… and btw not spoiling who he is with that comment because when you hear the performance, you’ll know 100% it’s a rapper)

And he was revealed to be…

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

Tyga

Omg I knew it!! Thank you Twitter for helping me out, y’all are the best. I thought at first it might have been Chance the Rapper but then people started saying Tyga and I was like hmmm lemme see the clues, yup makes sense, well great segue (segway) Ana because imma show you some of the clues you might have missed:

Scream Poster= he was in the Scream series

Cat Doll= play on words because his name is Tyga (like Tiger… man these producers are really into puns, it’s kinda clever tho)

Was discovered by a big player= in 2007, he started doing mixtapes and he was discovered by Travie McCoy who offered him a record deal

Now, that we have that out of the way, let’s get into our remaining contestants (big warning: this group has left me all types of confused when it comes to guesses so I apologize if my arguments aren’t perfect with some of these):

1. Cupcake 🧁

Performance: This performance is so confusing to me. Idk if this is a man or woman, sometimes I think woman with deep voice and other times I am like no that’s a man. So I don’t know about this one, it’s a very good performance of Heat Wave by Martha and the Vandellas but I need to hear more because I am confused. I am in between a specific man or a specific woman but I am not sure so unfortunately for this one I don’t have a guess

Sorry y’all no guess for this one :(… hopefully, next time they perform I will have a better idea*

*(I will say the guess I am leaning towards that a few people have said *just in case the cupcake leaves next* is Ruth Pointer from the Pointer Sisters because there were supposed to be multiple cupcakes and not just one, and in the PKG, cupcake said they were used to being in a group)

2. Banana Split 🍌🍦

Performance: They were 1000% my favorite performance of the night even though only Split/Ice Cream sang A Million Dreams from the Greatest Showman. She is amazing, I absolutely love her, she has that iconic Broadway sound that I absolutely adore. Just her singing this makes me so confident on who she is omg I’m stoked!

Having said that, I am so positive, like way too certain none of y’all will convince me otherwise like Todrick level confidence they are…

Katherine McPhee and David Foster

Ok, so you guys are probably like “Ana, how can you be so sure if the damn banana didn’t even sing a note, he just played the piano?!” Well, my friends, you have a point, but I know who she is and honestly I don’t even care if I am wrong ab him (I won’t know for sure until he sings a note) but HER I am absolutely positive….and they are a married couple and the banana has heart eyes so in my head it makes sense with the clues too, but before I go to the clues, I have a funny story on how I know who Ms. Katherine McPhee is… so like I was watching this performance and was like omg her voice Sound so familiar! Where have I heard her before?! This is driving me nuts… And then I saw people on YouTube saying that it’s them and I was like wait Katherine McPhee that name sounds so familiar. Then I looked her up and I found out that I knew who she was because I randomly watched a show on Netflix called Country Comfort (which side note: LeAnn Rimes or the Sun from Season 4 guest starred on that show and LeAnn’s husband stars in it… so connection there?), which to explain the show briefly it’s literally the Nanny but with country music and in Tennessee instead of NY. Anyways, she sang a lot on that show and it clicked, I was like BINGO OMG THAT IS HER IT CANNOT BE ANYONE ELSE (similar to how I felt about Todrick being the bull when I saw that damn sneak peak performance). Anyway ya, that was unnecessarily long, now onto the clues:

She left school to move to the city= she attended Boston Conservatory for 3 semesters and left to move to LA to try out for TV pilots

Thought she got her big break, but it wasn’t it= she got an MTV soap opera plot but it never made it to air

Collaborator who sticks with me through sweet and sour= they have known each other ever since she was on the 5th season of American Idol in 2006 and their collaboration is that he is a music producer and she sings (on American Idol, he would play the piano while she sang… does this sound familiar to you guys yet? Ringing any bells? If not, rewatch the performance Banana Split did)

3. Queen of Hearts 🫀

Performance: She sang Born This Way by Lady Gaga and I already knew she was going to be good, but this was like Black Swan all over again. This beginning song wasn’t the best for her voice, but she had fun and she did the damn thing. Closest Lady Gaga singing impression I’ve seen, but I am positive it ain’t Lady Gaga. Also, she slayed that ending.

Ok, so I am not too sure about this guess but after a bit of research and voice matching, I think it might be…

Jewel (the singer, not an actual jewel)

Again I say, with a bit of research, I feel like she’s the closest guess I can give you guys especially matching the singing voices, but let’s look at the clues:

Grew up in a house that lacked warmth= she grew up in Alaska (born in Utah)

Tin man from Wizard of Oz= she played Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz in Concert: Dreams Come True in 1995

Hilary Swank photo= Swank has a dog named Jewel (when I read this I laughed, wow Masked Singer really?! 😂😂)

4. Mallard 🦆

Performance: This performance was not my cup of tea tbh, it was real deep country which is not my jam at all. The song title says it all: Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) by Big & Rich. Like it was great no lie, but like I just don’t really enjoy that kinda music so it wasn’t for me.

Again, this one is a shot in the dark guess but I am gonna stick with it and it is the one I am leaning towards voice wise:

Willie Robinson (yes the guy from Duck Dynasty)

Ok, so again hear me out, this might sound stupid (and half of me thinks it is) but it kinda makes sense in a strange way especially looking at the clues:

Surrounded by dollar bills= Duck Dynasty merch raised a ton of bills

Photo of Chris Pratt= they worked together and became friends filming Jurassic World in 2014

Platinum Album= Has a certified platinum album “Duck the Halls: A Robertson Family Christmas” (I can’t believe this one, I was pretty surprised)

Anyways, that’s it! I can’t wait to see Group A next week.. again yeah but with Pepper this time so woohoo another Wildcard. I just hope we can see more of Group B too because it feels like too much of Group A is being seen. Anyways, see y’all next week with the recap for tomorrow’s episode! Bye guys! Remember to do all the social media things! Like, comment, follow me for more, all of that 👋🏼

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Ep33 S4 pt 1: Deus Ex US Military

Been a little distracted but was reminded--yo--I gotta finish S4 of Yugioh this year. I think I can do it. There’s like...what...two episodes left? Three? Like I don’t want to tempt 2020, but like...I think I can finish this thing.

That and a bunch of my Photoshop files corrupted, I don’t know why, I’m very scared for my hard drive, and I need to do a big ol defrag and hope that’s enough. Really hoping this is my bad and not my computer’s bad. I’m pretty hard on this computer when I paint digitally.

and I was immediately gifted by the anime gods because yo, it’s my favorite storyboarder! They're back to carry me through my election burn out, every episode they touch has so much style and no matter how freakin weird or confusing the plot is, this storyboarder/animation team doesn’t seem to care. They will this kids show about cards with this attention to detail. They just have a lot of enthusiasm and that’s a thing about anime that I really like to see. No matter how weird it is, you gotta go 150% without any shame. Love it. Love to see em back.

First off, that earthquake from last episode?

Just a little bigger of an earthquake than I originally thought, coincidentally, this is when Roland shows up, only to realize that he’s like...10 minutes to late.

Well, maybe a little longer than 10 minutes when you consider that Mai freakin died and Yugi almost died, and Joey is absolutely dead and being carried across Tristan’s back.

Anyway, Roland just walked into a whole lot and is just trying to process his life. Roland is all of us in October/November of 2020.

If Roland only knew how many times Seto and Mokuba have totally biffed it when he wasn’t looking.

Like for reals...how is Roland still alive? Like...I don’t think the guy has ever died. Not even once. Maybe that’s Roland’s superpower as the secret FourthKaiba, by just being the only one to stay very far away from the constant BS strewn at this family.

Roland is just...too inept to die. He’s always too far away, he comes after the big bad has already murdered a few people, he’s just...too bad at his job to ever be a target. Live long, Roland. The Kaiba who was the smartest of all by actually being the dumbest.

Also, look at him parking far enough away on the actual helicopter landing pad. He is the only ‘Kaiba’ that follows the law. This could also be the other reason for his secret to longevity.

(read more under the cut)

Faced with a stairwell between their freedom and this weird earthquake chasm that just opened on the top story of this building, Yami decides it’s his job to carry...................

...................Raphael.

(Never forget that we know the exactly weight of Yugi Muto.)

And like Yami is weirdly strong because of magic powers but like...maybe Yami should take Joey and then Tristan should pick up Raphael? I’d say Tea could also pick up Raphael, but I feel like she just wouldn’t want to.

TBQH maybe the reason that Yami is carrying Raphael is because literally no one else feels like it? Like no one likes this guy?

Just kinda feels like Yami is holding onto Raphael out of a sunk-cost fallacy. He’s already done so much work to this guy, can’t lose him now. Gotta save Raphael to make up for killing Gurimo, Weevil, and Yugi. Can’t fail a fourth time.

Anyway, you know what else this storyboarder is good at?

How did they even get reference for drawing this? They didn’t, right? They’re just so good at art that they were like “I can draw ANY person in ANY outfit straight up the crotch, I dare you.”

Seto decides to...not help out, much like virtually all of Yami’s other friends, who also just kinda...yelled and cried at this situation instead of...helping.

Which is fine, because the stairwell gave out and then Raphael decided to uhhhh throw this directly at me.

Just one more yeet for the road. Youknow this guy has yeeted the Pharaoh not once but twice in one season, and both times he just chucked him like he was made out of foam core. (Also, please admire the millennium puzzle in this shot going out at like a 90 degree angle. Just...A+, this storyboarder is hilarious)

At first, I really thought Yami was dabbing his way over that ledge.

In a moody shot with his hair and his jacket swaying in the breeze, almost designed for you to lift and stick into your Youtube AMVs, Seto looked onward and seemed...kind of bored because no one’s throwing any cards. And like who can blame him, he has been on the top of so many ledges and so many buildings that he’s seen Yami make this same speech of “DON’T DO THIS DAMN LEDGE THING I SWEAR TO GODS” like...so many times.

He just immediately accepts Yugi died and is like “Well I guess that makes me king of games.”

And Raphael, after like several minutes of begging Yami to just let him die, decides to let go of that ledge on his own, because this is Yugioh, and you gotta fit in that suicide within the first 10 minutes of the episode. Which, PS, is not the weirdest thing that happened this episode.

And because Roland is freakin late to everything, he showed he could have done this the entire time. Honestly I think Roland just didn’t want to deal with Raphael. We can blame this on Roland, right?

PS we never see this building again in this episode.

I don’t know........why they bothered showing this. If anything it makes the next plot twist more weird because it’s like...what was the point of the random ass earthquake and the random ass concept art building if we, in fact, aren’t coming back here???

I mean I guess it’s a nice shot for your Artstation portfolio, good on you, Yugioh background artist.

Unfortunately this chip contains Seto Kaiba’s greatest weakness. (SanDisk card? Jump drive? Which PS--if they had jump drives this whole time, why was Seto using floppies earlier in the season? Like what happened there?)

And then, with the hatch of their helicopter just wide open, no one in a seat belt, and walking away from the destruction of one of the largest buildings in San Fransisco, finally the cops showed up. Real cops this time, not possessed cops. Also, it’s the Marines.

Am I going to get my Monty Python ending? I mean...if cops can recognize these kids in this universe...I might get my Monty Python ending. :) :) :)

For some reason, back on the mean streets of San Fransisco with no people left alive in it, Rebecca just kinda started losing her mind. Maybe this was to make up for the 2 seasons I had to watch Duke Devlin flirt with a 12 yo? That now we have to suffer Duke saddled with this small crazy person?

This small crazy person who is painted as this intolerable person next to Duke Devlin, but is also a love interest for the main character? Like Yugi’s into some weird ass angry girls.

PS the orcs were no longer needed for the plot so they have turned into streams of light in order to join with the Leviathan mass. So now Rebecca and Duke Devlin will just have literally nothing to do for the rest of the season. I guess they can go to Ghiradelli square...someone’s gotta eat that ice cream before it melts.

Also this happened.

In case you were like “Wow Rach, you didn’t update the Death Count, how dare you”--it’s because I uh...completely forgot that the Oricalchos crew is immune to fall damage. Raphael’s just fine now. He fell down 50 stories...and then 50 stories fell on him...but don’t think about it.

Meanwhile, on the back of some aircraft carrier, far into international waters, the kids get recruited into the military of a foreign country and it’s just as weird as you think it is.

Hey guys.

So, Bandit Keith was weirdly in Hell this season for no reason, right? What if he died offscreen because, earlier in the season, the US military threw him at Dartz because they couldn’t get a hold of Yugi or Kaiba? What about that headcanon? What if that’s why his angry ghost wanted revenge?

Anyway, they join the ranks of Shadow T. Hedgehog, which makes sense because...these guys look like human OC’s of Shadow the hedgehog already.

Sorry I just had a moment because Shadow uses guns a lot despite not needing them at all so “people won’t get uncomfortable with how powerful he is” while in Yugioh they can’t even...show a gun. That really is...you ever think about how weird that is? That Shadow the Hedgehog, a strange remix of a 90′s sega mascot, has a million giant guns but Kaiba’s actual gun (which, apparently he does have in the Japanese version of this show) got edited out completely?

Sometimes it just dawns on me and I have a moment.

Now the US Military just hand delivering them to Dartz is so wild because their reason for the USA not doing anything on their own with their fleets and fleets of ships is:

Have you MET the US? I live here, and if we were like given the choice to shoot the ocean...or just die...we’d be like “wait...for reals? So no one gets hurt, we just shoot guns at the water? You mean we finally found our true calling? For REALS? I just shoot this water bucket!??? FOR REALS????” and it would become a national holiday. All pop songs would be devoted to it. Our ancestors would make movies about it.

I mean, our dumbass president considered nuking a hurricane in 2019...in case you forgot because damn, it’s been a STUPID 4 YEARS. (And you better have voted already because for reals do not make me go through 4 more years of this. I do not think this blog would survive it...or the hurricanes that will keep getting nuked.)

Also....the show actually threw the word “proof” out there. Seriously show? You OK?

I figured the mind control situation would be a better reason not to arrest Dartz other than “Dartz is just so good at covering up his tracks” when the TRACKS have a broken down Caltrain on one side of them, and the other side of the tracks have the rest of that same Caltrain at the bottom of a river.

Seto is not amused but he never is. He will take this Nobel Peace Prize and step up to the microphone at the UN and be like “I WANTED IT TO BE A CARDS PRIZE.”

PS--we HAVE a map already, right? Raphael died to give us this map--and then didn’t die, but it’s not like anyone else here knows that. So like...why did we need the US Military to show up at all? Why is this scene important? Other than to look cool, I guess? Like...

...why is the US military here we already have a Deus Ex Machina delivered by Raphael? At least that one was deserved--the whole point of that duel was to get this MAP.

A map that we are never going to use.

...There’s a good chance that two writers wrote this episode in two different buildings and just...glued the two halves together. Animation is wild. Weird ‘Cinema sins’ things like this happen...all the time. This one though, this one is kind of funny because it’s a ton of wasted effort on the very best storyboarder.

Anyway I broke this up into two segments because I’m tired, and also, while a lot of people like long posts, the smaller posts are kinda easier to read. More will be upcoming in like...I dunno it really depends on a lot of things right, now, I’ve been having a time, but at least Yugioh is always there to enjoy. Maybe I’ll need so much distraction you’ll get an update tomorrow? Good things can happen, and it’s not like I get to do anything else for Halloween.

Happy Halloween Y’all! Lets make the most of it!

(here’s a link to read these in chrono order)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[codylabs]

My Top 10 Ships

I’m not a very romantic sort of guy, I’m not real forgiving to departures from canon, I get easily annoyed at inconsistencies, and I don’t watch much television and movies, so in order for me to ship something, it has to be a GOOD ship. I default toward rejecting ships, so to impress ME, it must be built on logic, and evidence, it’s gotta be something I can suspend my disbelief far enough to accept. And it’s gotta have story behind it, something deep, some hefty emotional weight; if it doesn’t tickle this man’s cold reptilian heart with strong beats and excellent writing, it goes straight to the trash. I absoLUTELY will not stand for any of these weird little cute, pretty, pandering, trashy crack ships that everybody seems to be clumsily throwing characters into. Most ships are trash ships. They are not good ships.

You think your ship is good? You like your ship?

You ship it?

No you don’t.

Get out of here.

You will listen to me. I will tell you. Look at me. I’m the Captain now.

Here are the 10 good ships.

10. The Rocinante, The Expanse

A resoundingly excellent ship. Unlike most ships you see out there, this thing was actually designed with realistic space combat in mind. It’s got 6 computer-controlled gatling turrets covering every angle, it accelerates in whatever direction it’s pointing, its bridge is right in the center to put as much armor as possible between enemies and crew, overall a much better-designed vehicle than most everything you see about.

That being said, I didn’t have much connection to this ship. Its crew weren’t really interesting, the aesthetic was kinda bleak, and I basically stopped watching after the phazon showed up. And the Rocinante itself has pretty poor redundancy. Enemy bullets can literally just pass through it (as is realistic for a ship this size) so how about multiple main engines huh? Absolutely tragic oversight. And its interior looks too much like an Apple product. How are you supposed to work on it? Where are the wires and pipes??? The handholds?????

9. Ares IV M.A.V., The Martian

Almost more of a symbol than a ship. A symbol of freedom, of escape. A beautiful symbol. This is what Mark Watney spends the whole movie trying to reach, with an entire world backing him up, and an entire world trying to stop him. It’s the goal of the movie, and it just looks so beautiful when he finally reaches it and sees it sitting there in the middle of the desert, ass down, nose up; a tall, proud symbol. This ship has a special significance for me because the author of the original book really did his research on the scientific requirements and details of a Mars Ascent Vehicle, and it was actually inspired by the E.R.V. in another book, ‘A Case For Mars’, which I read when I was younger. “Makes its own methane-oxygen fuel on-site by using nuclear power to break down CO2 in the atmosphere and combining it with stored hydrogen, don’t you know.” I say as I adjust my spectacles and puff my pipe.

The M.A.V. in the movie does have a few issues, such as hallway and rooms running straight up through where the fuel tanks ought to be (instead of a lift/ladder on the exterior) and a rugged, industrial aesthetic that looks too heavy and cumbersome for a ship of its type. (And you’re seriously telling me he couldn’t have used the capsule’s RCS to literally bypass the movie’s entire climax? WHY NOT? The book never mentioned him having to drain the monopropellant!!!) But I’ll let that slide. Great movie.

8. Biggest Boy, The Greatship

(I don’t know the ship name so I had to make up a name. You know what, I think it’s actually just called the Greatship.)

So it’s a starship the size of Jupiter, empty, unmanned, perfectly mysterious, that comes gliding into the galaxy a couple million years into humanity’s future. Where did it come from? Who made it and how? Good questions. It’s powered by matter-antimatter annihilation reactions from within planet-sized internal tanks, and its engines use hydrogen and fusion exhaust as reaction mass, and its hull is made of hyperfiber, a super-strong fictional material with a 4-dimensional lattice structure, able to weather impacts by spreading them out over various dimensions where the impact occurred in a different place.

I hope that after the first few entries, you didn’t get the impression that I am somehow against futuristic, far-out, impossible technologies. Quite the opposite! I love me some hyperdrive and anti-gravity and A.I. and stuff. However! Ships must be well-designed for the technology available, and must take no creative liberties except those explicitly allowed by the difference in the setting. The laws of physics don’t disappear when the magic crystals come out, the magic crystals are merely a different tool to combat them. Engineering will always exist, should start with the tools and work outward, form follows function. Star Wars ships, for instance, are trash because they don’t mount their repulsorlift arrays consistently, they’re not aerodynamic, and their engines aren’t aligned around their center of masses.

So I like the Great Ship. Although the story is pretty far-fetched, and a lot of crazy, out-there scifi events transpire deep in the ship’s depths, the book always strictly kept its own rules in mind, and never broke those rules, no matter how outlandishly crazy things got. Thanks for comprehending something so incomprehensible, Robert Reed. You inspired me miles in my own work.

7. The Ghost, The Sea Wolf

The story may be fiction, but the Ghost was as real as ghosts can be.

Jack London did his research. No, not research, he LIVED this. The Ghost is a seal-hunting schooner much like one that he served aboard during his rollercoaster of a life, and he captured every detail of its operation, of its requirements, of its mechanics, and of the incredible toll it took on the people that lived such a life. The boat is made to feel as oppressive and claustrophobic as a prison, as if it were an extension of the monster that commanded it, directly in contrast to the expansive beauty of the sea around them. My goodness, what a beautiful book. What a moving, interesting, challenging book, with such a story! This book is one of the climaxes of fiction, and one of the inspirations for Shifting Sands, if I remember correctly. I would recommend this book to anybody. Beautiful.

6. Ferbnessa, Phineas and Ferb

Okay, so I hope we can all agree that Vanessa is nothing but bad news. But that being said, Ferb knows exactly the relationship he wants, and by golly, he goes for it. Most male characters would stutter or get nervous or lose confidence around their crush, especially if that crush is about a hundred miles out of their league or if they already had another boyfriend, but Ferb? No. Not my man Ferb. He’s slighly too much of a legend to fall for such childish pitfalls. He doesn’t posture, he doesn’t creep or flirt or try to sabotage the other men in her life, he doesn’t even speak a word, he just maintains his blank expression, cranks his own already-inhuman levels of confidence and competence up through the roof to borderline olympian levels, and continues being himself. These rare moments of Ferbly passion are some of the few open windows we get into the grandiose machinations of his mysterious mind, and he uses it to bring out the best in Vanessa as well. And in the future episode, set years down the line, wouldn’t you know it, they’re a pair.

All joking aside though, this whole ship is basically comedy. It’s a super small part of the show, it’s only in like 5 episodes, it’s a running gag, it’s hilarious. It’s great. And it fits right into the tone and the feel of the show, because P&F’s entire world really is a comedy about going for it and living your dreams. So this is just the best thing ever. It’s been about a decade since then, and I still burst out laughing at how much of a pristine picture of ideal masculinity Ferb is. Become like Ferb, boys, and you will become men.

Legendary.

Eat your heart out, Dipper.

3. Shunk, Voltron

(I don’t know the ship name so I had to make up a name)

Huge props to the voltron team for making a female alien character (even a romantic interest) with NO BOOBS. Do you have ANY idea how sick and tired I am of artists throwing a big ol’ pair of balonkadongs onto lobsters and snakes when almost everything in the real world besides folks and cows have either 0 or 8+ of them? Everything’s gotta be traditionally sexy and recognizably-feminine and GREAT now you just canonized all the porn! Disgusteg

but now look at Shay. She’s a rock person. She’s got silicon-based biology, she probably weighs 500 lbs and bleeds sand. She’s got enormous hands and weird knees and no nose and lumps everywhere, AND YET STILL the show plays all the tropes 100% straight with her being a fair young maiden and a sweet princess. And it works because Hunk is just this great guy who’s exactly as sweet and caring, and he’s not the most attractive of the Paladins either, so he probably lives his life looking past appearances. He doesn’t care that she’s an alien rock, he cares about her as a person, and she obviously worships him right back. Even though Shay is shown in season 1 and then never again until season 7, Hunk still avoids alternative romantic entanglements, citing ‘a rock I know’, and it just adds to his persona as this infinitely loyal teddy bear. I tip my hat to this, the single ship I know that’s 0% sexy and 100% wholesome.

And Hunk is the best Paladin. He’s just the greatest. I revere him. I salute him as he walks past. This man among men. Look at this guy. I don’t even care about any of the other ships in Voltron (I mean, the Castle of Lions is okay, but it’s outriggers are kinda spindly) but Hunk and Shay deserve each other.

4. Wendip, Gravity Falls

So Dipper’s 12/13, and Wendy’s 15. That’s a pretty giant age difference. Maybe you fans have fooled yourselves into thinking it’s not, but it is. She knows it. He knows it. His sister knows it. Your mom knows it. So halfway through the show, when he finally got around to confessing his feelings to her, she told him no. Sure they’re still friends, sure they like each other, and sure they have a lot of chemistry and they still have a movie night every Friday, but at the end of the day, he’s a smelly little midget who has to go back to California at the end of the Summer, and she’s a older girl with approximately zero romantic feelings for him. So the notion that it could work out is pretty obvious to everyone, and especially to him, pretty much hopeless. And he really did handle it all pretty poorly and immaturely too, he objectified her and stalked her and simped up a storm and sabotaged her boyfriend, so perhaps he deserved what he got. Perhaps it’s better this way.

And yet.

And yet Wendy never really got a happy ending in the show. And Dipper never got a conclusive romance either. So after everything, it’s easy to think about it how he thinks about it, by wondering how things could have been, if everything were just so slightly different, if she’d said yes or if they united again. She wishes she could be younger, he wishes he could be older. She’s more dominant, he’s more recessive. She has a lot of serious issues in her life, and could really seriously use a driven, heroic, intelligent friend to help her out, give her purpose, and steer her right. And Lord knows he could use somebody with street smarts and actual muscles to have his back now and again. They complement each other perfectly. They make up for each others’ weaknesses. They’re everything they ever wanted from another, and if you do the math, their children would be actual literal supersoldiers.

Or at least that’s the way a lot of people see it. There’s been immeasurable mountains of fanfiction and fanart from people who are just so sad that in a show full of happy endings and dreams coming true and old regrets being resolved and children growing up, that one ending would never be happy, one dream would never come to pass, one regret would stick with you forever, one child would never grow up. Maybe if you extrapolate out the story they’d end up together? Or maybe they’d find other, better partners? Maybe romance isn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things, and this is the best ending there could have been? Perhaps, perhaps not. But in any case, there’s a lot of very rich storytelling potential for the untold journey before them, and for the paths that could have been.

Stop drawing fetish art of Wendy, you insufferable heathen actual donkeys.

3. Kataang, Avatar: The Last Airbender

Now HERE’S a serious relationship. Not just a romantic ship, (though it is that,) not just some cutesy, funny thing or some ship-war fodder, (though it is cute and funny and did spawn a ship-war,) not just a matter of certainty and destiny, (though it is certain and was destined,) this is a real, TANGIBLE relationship, that these characters built together over a solid year of on-screen adventuring and fighting. They’ve helped each other through trauma, they’ve been there for each other in their darkest moments, they learned martial-arts together, they’ve fought back-to back against grown men, they’ve worked front-to-front sawing through steel girders, they’ve saved each other’s lives, he once ACTUALLY DIED and she brought him BACK. They end up respecting each other, and valuing each other in the intimate way that only true friends do.

And they’re shown working through all their imperfections and mistakes too. Aang sometimes oversteps boundaries and says stupid stuff because he’s a kid, and Katara sometimes scolds him and controls him because she’s motherly and orderly, they get jealous of each other, but none of those things drive them apart, and they deal with them, and they conquer them, and they keep a very legitimate and multi-faceted friendship going, and that’s the key to it all. The fact that this friendship becomes romance is just proof that it was a friendship of quality.

I think people tend to overlook or forget this ship because the last few episodes of the show found them in a pretty dark place, needing to deal with matters of life and death and justice in very different ways, and unlike all their other issues, we don’t really get to see them reconciling these differences before the story ends, which kind of leaves a sour taste between them. And Katara goes on a couple missions with Zuko around the same time, so now half of all people want Zutara, when in actuality, Zutara is a trash ship, which is a true science fact.

2. Serenity, Firefly

Only reason this ship isn’t #1 is because it isn’t constructed using a proper aerospace philosophy; it’s made of bulky machinery and steel beams and chunky plates, it looks more like an ocean vessel from the inside, and is WAY too big for its 6-12 person crew and light cargo capacity. Plus it doesn’t have any room for fuel and its got no wheels on its landing legs and no downward-facing windows and its reactor is just too dang SMOL and its engines are attached too flimsily. This all wouldn’t be too much of an issue if they were going for a far-future aesthetic, but if you’re trying to do something grounded and semi-contemporary, you need to lose some weight girl, I’m sorry.

But by gosh does it make up for it in heart. The entire inside of this ship was mapped out and made on set, with so many homely little decorations and touches to make every room feel like the person who inhabits it, sterile professional blue for the doc’s medbay, warm happy red for Kaylee’s engine room, all-serious-business-but-also-plastic-dinos for Wash’s cockpit... It hit me hard when this baby it crashed in the movie, and it felt almost real when River pretended to mind-meld with it. This ship has more soul in one buffer panel than most shows have in the entire cast, enough to make it seem like its own character, even in a show crowded with charming characters. I love this ship intimately, even if I would have built it differently.

1. Colonial Vessel 46.18′\, Gravity Falls

(I don’t know the ship name so I had to make up a name)

You didn’t think I’d leave out this one, did you? After all the fanfiction I’ve written? This is basically my ship at this point. Anyway, enough about me; the vessel beneath Crash Site Omega really is the quintessential alien ship; its perfectly cliche flying-saucer design taps into all the audience’s pre-existing fanciful notions and imaginings and disbelief-suspension, meanwhile its presentation isn’t cliche or fanciful in the slightest. 

There’s not much to say about it from a technical standpoint, besides personal musings: it would need anti-gravity to stay airborne without thrusters, it would need a FTL drive to cross the distances it did, its drones would need to be made of some kind of semi-liquid to move like they do... But these sort of out-of-the-box, never-before-seen, world-expanding brain-knocks are exactly what makes this ship special. It’s an alien ship, built with technology unknown to people, forged from materials that people don’t possess, and inhabited by beings we will never meet. For all we know, this ship could be perfectly sound from an engineering standpoint, and no engineer in the audience could claim to prove it otherwise, because unlike something like the T.A.R.D.I.S., they never try and fail to explain it away with science buzzwords or canonize its details or show off some fancy glowy reactor. This ancient husk is left as a yawning pit in reason, and that’s beautiful.

Moreover, this ship is an amazingly powerful narrative tool, and a mind-blowing surprise to drop in as a setpiece during the show’s final episodes. This ship embodies everything that made the show’s mysteries special: the evidence presented so early and so consistently, the creativity in creature design, action, and worldbuilding, the yawning depths of unknowable lore, and most of all the burning, unquenched desire to know more... The imprint this ship made in the cliffs over the town has been hanging over the characters’ heads the entire series, and its hull was below their feet from day one, so when they finally revealed it, and explored it, it felt invigorating. Rewarding. This ship, and the glorious feelings and thoughts it represents, have inspired to no end, and haven’t ended yet.

Honorable mentions:

Westley and Buttercup, The Princess Bride

Ooooh man I tell you what, it was really hard trimming this down to 10 for the list, and this one just barely didn’t make the cut, and that mainly because I have a sweet spot for animation and for warrior women, and this sweetness ain’t animated, and this damsel is as distressed as they get. And they don’t have a whole lot of chemistry? I don’t know how to measure that, but I feel like there was a lot of friendship stated that was never shown? Is it sacrilege to say that about True Love? I guess I’ve never exactly had True Love, so what do I know?

The entire plot centers around his devotion to her, and her love for him, and the lengths they go to for one another. He studies fencing and wrestling and wits and tactics for years on a pirate ship as he tried to return to her, and she refused the advances and the offers of an actual prince for as long as she could, even though she thought him dead, and was ready to kill herself when she knew him to be alive and not to be hers. And just such excellent action and characters and humor and story in the entire book surrounding it. Possibly an even better movie, somehow. Happy happy happy happy. They don’t make movies like this no more, why is that? Sad.

Endurance, Interstellar

Actually a pretty realistic design, all considering. They nailed the aesthetic, and the cinematography, and the feel.

It does lose points though, firstly because the shuttlecraft require a booster stage to make it into orbit when leaving Earth, but for the rest of the movie, whenever they’re landing on planets with similar gravity and atmosphere, they can just fly away like it’s no big deal, which is a big inconsistency, both with real life, and more importantly with itself. And how did an under-equipped and struggling space program put this thing in orbit in the first place, anyway? And why don’t their ships land on their asses like proper rockets? And why not tell the crew members the full plan before leaving? See, it’s little things like that, little inconsistencies made for the sake of fitting with story beats and simplifying it for the audience’s sake, that sours this ship for me. I don’t mind creative liberties, but actual plot holes? This thing has a few plot holes, and plot holes are absolutely yucky. So although most of this ship is very yummy, the yucky parts make it all yucky.

Yucky.

Plus its heavy cargo shuttles are about the least-aerodynamic things imaginable, and that’s also yucky, and there’s porcelain tiles in the stasis bay, like what?

Couldashouldawoulda been yummy.

The Hermes, The Martian

This ship. This friggin’ ship.

A beautiful ship. A well-conceived ship. A mathematically sound and engineered ship. It had so many many good ideas behind it. So much math went into calculating its thrust and orbital dynamics for this movie, so much work went into making it fit a contemporary space aesthetic, the panels, the heat sinks, the tanks, so much PRESENTATION I could KISS IT HMWA, but taken as a whole, engineering-wise, the whole ship falls flat on its face, because it just doesn’t fit together. It doesn’t make sense. Look at all those countless modules along its length. What do they do? They don’t do anything! It’s a quarter mile long, and it’s built for only 6 people? It’s meant to carry a lander? Where does the lander dock? Why are the useful airlocks so far off the center of gravity? Why does it have a cockpit? Why is the forward airlock so looooong? Why is the entire ship so loooooong? Why is the ring spinning so slowly? It’s not hard math to figure out how fast it needs to spin! You’re telling me you did ORBITAL DYNAMICS but not the SINGLE physics 101 equation needed to figure out how fast the ring needs to spin??

Btw, let’s talk about that rotating section in the middle! Think about the rotating section! That rotating section means that the front and the back of the ship aren’t actually connected! There’s just a pair of ring-shaped slip-slidey bearings bridging the ship’s middle, slip-slidey bearings that electricity, computer signals, and water and air pipes can’t cross. Why did they design it that way?? In the book the entire ship spun, which makes so much more sense! Why does it have solar panels when it has a reactor canonically capable of 40 times their output? Why are the fuel tanks so small? Why is it always facing prograde even when canonically burning retrograde? Why? WHY? BLRRRRGGGGGRGGGRGGG

In Conclusion, Ships Are Neat

[aggressive-positivity-network]

I saw your infodumping post and I love undertale! I’ve recently gotten back into it during Covid to cope (like watching others play it). I’d love to hear what you have to say!!

I actually haven’t consumed Undertale content in a while, but I love it anyway! Here are a list of things that I like about it:

The fact that, no matter who is voicing Papyrus, they all give him the same Skeletor voice

In some comics and animations, Frisk is depicted as being deaf, and that all of the monsters know what they are saying/are learning ASL for their benefit

Gaster, who in the game is this terrifying being with ultimate knowledge and a melting face, is given this Dadster personality that is just so hilarious

Undyne and Alphys have a canonical relationship

That one random octopus (Onion-chan?) that just shows up with the funniest but also the most cursed faces

You could play Undertale a million times and probably still get a different game experience

The nightmare fuel that the Flowey Boss exudes and watching YouTube Gamer after YouTube Gamer see it for the first time and flip out

There are TWO LGBTQ+ relationships established in the game, and probably more that I can’t remember off the top of my head

PUNNNNNNNS!!!!!!!!

Temmie is like the derpiest character in the world, and I can almost see her in human form

TEMMIE CAN GO TO COLLEGE!!!!!!!1!!!!

Two words: side quests

The music is absolutely brilliant...I can hum four or five off the top of my head

How much emotion is can make you feel without the need for hyper realistic graphics

The marketplace worker that shattered the fourth wall by stating that, unlike most adventure games, you can’t trade useless stuff for useful stuff

The fast food worker...just...I relate so much

There’s so much more, but you would probably have to wait several days for me to list them all!

But, to make up for it, here’s a recommendation! There Is No Game: Wrong Dimension is a wonderful, meta game that I am currently obsessed with. It isn’t really like Undertale in its mechanics, but it does have the same hidden humor and sarcasm you would find in UnderTale. Maybe you can play it in between rounds with Sans!

Sorry, that sounded super advertisement-esque, but I do recommend playing it!

[tardistimes]

Aractune

Summary: The Master's companion is scared of spiders. How could he possibly abuse that knowledge?

Series: The Planets Part 3 | Part 2 | Part 1

Word Count: 5194

N.B.  Okay, I know some people will be put off by the mention of spiders in the description (I would be, as I have a spider phobia) but I promise I use minimal descriptions and their appearances are intended to be funny not scary!

AO3 link here.

“You’ll like this one.” The Master promised, opening the door for her. “Zenus. It’s a level five planet, like Earth. Its main inhabitants built their civilisations from the treetops, using a series of interconnected bridges to travel between the forests.”

“Err, I don’t think so,” Ana said, glancing outside at the arid landscape before them. There wasn’t a single tree in sight.

Giving her an innocent look after he peeked out the doors – immediately making Ana suspicious – he declared, “How strange. The TARDIS must have brought us here for some reason. Well, it would be a shame to come all this way and not have a look around. Shall we?”

Reluctantly following him outside, Ana took in their surroundings. The sky overhead was a reddish hue, a stark contrast to the greenish-black soil covering the majority of the landscape before them. It was only broken up by the odd jagged rock protruding from the dirt or a short plant of some variety, which resembled a black cactus.

“Where are we?” She asked once she had seen enough. It really was a desolate looking place, especially when she had been prepared for a luscious forest full of treetop houses.

“Hang on, I’ll check.” The Master said, turning to go look at the console.

“You mean you don’t just know?” Ana teased, taking a chance. “Wow. If the Doctor was here, she’d probably eat a bit of soil and immediately know where we are, what week it is and where the nearest doughnut shop is.”

She didn’t often try to compare him to the Doctor, knowing their relationship was a sensitive subject, and Ana immediately bit down on her lip after making the remark as she waited nervously for his response.

The Master glared over his shoulder at her, resolutely shutting the TARDIS door before stalking back to her side. “Fine.”

He drew in a deep breath. “Aractune.”

“No doughnut shop?” Ana asked, glancing at him out the corner of her eye.

“No. And I don’t need to eat dirt to figure that out.” The Master replied dryly.

“Good,” she smiled, “to be honest, I always found that kinda gross.”

He grinned back. His smiles were always so sharp, but Ana found them increasingly endearing. Especially as he moved closer to weave their fingers together. “Come on, pet. Let’s see what’s around.”

“Doesn’t look like much of anything.” She pointed out. There were no roads or trails to suggest a civilisation of any kind. The landscape, to her, looked too barren to support any kind of life, but, as the Master said, the TARDIS wouldn’t take them there for no reason.

The Master swung their hands between them as they walked, making her laugh. He was only doing it as a joke; even without an audience, he loved to be dramatic. Ana still enjoyed the contact though. Usually, his touches were possessive, it made a nice change when they could be light-hearted like this.

“So, what do you know about Aractune?” She asked as they walked along. They were getting further away from the TARDIS, currently disguised as a large boulder, but no matter how far they walked there were no signs of people.

“Level two planet,” he replied, “so not much chaos to create here. I do seem to recall though,” the Master drawled, “I mean, I’m not the Doctor so I’m not sure how accurate this is…”

Ana rolled her eyes. She should have known he wouldn’t let the matter go.

“…but Aractune is known for a nightly meteor shower which, when viewed through the planet’s atmosphere, is meant to be quite spectacular. To a human, anyway. Can’t imagine it would hold much interest to me.” He sniffed.

“We can leave if you don’t want to be here.” Ana said. “We were meant to go to Zenus anyway.”

“Yes, us Time Lords always taking you to the wrong places.” He said lightly.

“This is the only time you’ve ever done that.” Ana pointed out. “And you said that was the TARDIS’s fault, not yours.”

“It is.” The Master agreed.

“There you go then. The Doctor was always taking us to the wrong place,” she laughed, perhaps overexaggerating a little but it wasn’t a lie, “did I ever tell you about the time she promised to take me home and we ended up on an iceberg? No? Well, I’ve made my point. You’re obviously the superior pilot.”

His grin grew and he preened under her compliment. The Master was such a vain creature, which she never failed to find hilarious.

“So we’re staying for the meteor shower?” Ana asked. “I guess we can only see it at nightfall? How long do we have to wait?”

“The days are quite short here. I’d say we only have to wait half an hour before sunset.”

“Great.”

Glancing around, she was unsurprised to see there was still little to do to pass the time.

“What do we do until then?”

Reaching into his pocket, which Ana had learned were bigger on the inside a while ago, he pulled out a blanket and unfurled it on the floor.

“Do you just carry that with you all the time?” She asked sceptically. That didn’t sound like something the Master would waste space on.

“Never know when you might need a blanket.” He told her.

She still didn’t believe him but took a seat beside him on the ground. He laid back after he was sure she was comfortable and, as always, she followed him. Pointing up at the sky, he told her more about the planet, some of the reptilian-like animals which had begun to develop over the past million years, how the environment would develop over subsequent millennia until it was suitable to maintain intelligent life; trying to show off with his knowledge and dispel any comparison with the Doctor.

As he started to tell her about the natural satellites in orbit, the reddish sky darkened into a deep purple before fading into black. The stars lit up the night sky, softly illuminating the landscape around them. It was very dark once the sun set on the planet and, feeling slightly exposed, Ana shuffled closer to the Master where she felt safer.

“Are you warm enough?” He asked.

While the temperatures had dropped with the departing sun, she was fine beside him. “No.”

“Scared?” He teased next.

“No.” Ana intoned.

He stretched his arm out and, taking the invitation, Ana rolled into his side. “Silly human.” The Master mumbled into her hair, pulling her closer with his free hand.

The meteors began to shoot across the night sky, pulling a delighted cry from Ana as she saw them. The sparks from their trails flared brightly, illuminating the entire sky above them with flashes of warm yellow. They swirled into the dusty atmosphere, mixing into explosions of bright oranges and fiery reds.

The Master grinned smugly as Ana exclaimed how beautiful it was – his human was so easy to please.

She became entirely entranced with the display as it continued to unfold overhead, so Ana barely heard the rustling that first sounded behind her. When it came again, however, suddenly closer, she jumped. Pressing her hands to the Master’s chest, she pushed herself up and squinted through the shadows surrounding them.

“What was that?” Ana asked nervously.

“What was what?” The Master replied lazily, idly running his fingers through the ends of her hair.

Shaking her head, sure she was imagining it, Ana settled back against him.

“Okay, no. Do you not hear that?” She said a minute later, sitting upright as the noise came again.

“It’s just the wind.” He dismissed, still laying down. “Now pay attention to the meteor shower. You see those meteors at the end? In about ten thousand years they will finally come close enough to the planet to be pulled in by its orbit. Where they crash will become the first major body of water, which will advance the development of intelligent life. As for the other meteors, they crash five million years from now and destroy the civilisation which ultimately forms here. Absolute devastation, we really should visit…”

“Master!” Ana exclaimed. Whatever caused the noise was close enough now for her to pinpoint it, coming from her left.

Her head turned just in time to see the spindly creature approach, its numerous legs slowly breaking through the shadows as it neared them and Ana realised with a stab of terror, “SPIDER!”

It was nearly the size of a basketball and scurried towards her. With a cry, she rolled over the Master’s torso until she was firmly behind him, fully prepared to use him as a human (alien, she corrected) shield.

Instead of complaining about the indignity of her actions, the Master calmly pulled the TCE from his pocket and killed the creature approaching them.

“Honestly,” he tusked, once it was taken care of, “that is not a spider. We’re not on Earth, darling. Look.”

Reaching forward to pluck up the miniature, he held it close to Ana’s face, sighing when she immediately scampered away.

“Don’t put it near me!” She yelled.

“Pet, I’m just trying to demonstrate that it only has seven legs. Not eight.”

Refusing to look, Ana declared, “I don’t care, it still scared the crap out of me. Sneaking up on us like that. Hang on a minute,” she said, a shudder running down her spine, “are there more of those?”

“Yes. At this moment in time, they’re the dominant life form on the planet.”

Hurrying back to his side, Ana grabbed his arm (the one not holding the spider-like creature) and held him tightly. “Get me the hell out of here.”

The Master raised an eyebrow at her. “It’s fine. As I just demonstrated,” he flicked the figurine away from them, “I am more than capable of protecting us. Besides, they’re not venomous. Not to humans anyway. As far as I know.”

Ana shot him an unimpressed look. “I am not sitting out here with those things all around us.”

“But love, the meteor shower.”

“No.” She insisted, standing up and crossing her arms.

The Master, unable to remember a time he had seen Ana ever so resolute, slowly stood. Carefully folding the blanket while she tapped her foot impatiently, he only led her back to the TARDIS once it was properly tucked back inside his pocket. Offering her his arm, she quickly took it and stayed pressed to his side the entire way back.

Holding the door open for her, Ana hastened inside the TARDIS – determined to have a scolding hot shower in the hopes it would kill the feeling of invisible spiders crawling over her skin. She always felt that way after an encounter.

The Master watched her go, waiting for her to leave the console room before allowing a mischievous smile to cross his face.

________________________________________________________________

Every few weeks, the Master returned Ana home so she could maintain the life she’d left behind to travel with him – making calls to relatives and paying her bills. He was never happy about it, constantly making the argument for her to quit her job, sell her things and move aboard the TARDIS permanently. Every time, Ana pointed out she still had family on Earth and she needed somewhere to stay while visiting them.

Really, she knew it wouldn’t matter much to her if she never saw her family ever again, and she had no friends of note. Getting rid of her home, however, seemed too great a risk. Realistically, despite the developments in their relationship, Ana would always think there was a chance the Master would tire of her one day and leave her somewhere. On the chance he had enough compassion for her left to make that place Earth, it would help to have somewhere to go.

The Master was stood in the console room when she came back from her bedroom – where she had collected a few things she’d need on Earth – scrutinising the screens to try and avoid a goodbye.

With a sigh, Ana crossed over to his side. It seemed her trip home would be like every other. Just once, she wished she could say goodbye for a few days without the Master treating it as though she were saying goodbye forever.

Pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, Ana said, “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Three days.” The Master confirmed grumpily.

She didn’t know why he always made such a performance about this. He had a time machine. He could literally close the door and travel to exactly three days’ time when she was due to come back to the TARDIS, leaving no time to miss her. Instead, he’d go off on his adventures – which he’d tell her all about once she came back, making them sound as enchanting and wonderful as he could – in the hopes it would make her regret her decision to leave and choose to move into the TARDIS permanently.

If she were being honest with herself, Ana did miss the Master and the TARDIS when she left. In an ideal world, she would stay with him for as long as she could before her mortality got in the way. Life was never ideal however and she knew she had to maintain a life beyond him.

“Goodbye, Master,” Ana said, saddened when he wouldn’t meet her gaze.

He started toying with the switches on the console, which she took as her cue to leave.

Sighing again, Ana pulled open the TARDIS door and stepped outside into her living room.

Glancing around, customarily checking to see everything was in place, she paused when she saw an ominously large cobweb in a corner of the room. It spanned about a foot and was worryingly empty.

Leaving the TARDIS door open just to be safe, Ana tentatively stepped closer to it, her eyes jumping around so nothing could sneak up on her. The experience of Aractune was still fresh in her memory and she had no desire to relive any part of that.

Rationally, she knew her fear was irrational. Unfortunately, there was nothing rational about phobias and she’d been scared witless of spiders for as long as she could remember. It was something her family had always teased her for, using it as an obstacle to her following in their footsteps. How could she work in law enforcement, act in a capacity to keep others safe, if she fell prey to irrational fear so easily?

There was nothing around the cobweb and Ana prayed the creature that had created it had since departed her apartment.

Turning around, she clapped a hand to her mouth to contain the squeal which left her lips.

She only muffled part of it, enough escaping to capture the Master’s attention.

“Was that you?” He asked, stepping into her house. Casting a disparaging look at his surroundings, he declared, “Honestly pet, I don’t know what you see in this place. You could fit the entirety of this apartment inside your room in the TARDIS. At least let me find you somewhere suitable on this scrap heap of a planet?”

“Master.” Ana squeaked, jabbing a finger towards the dead, offending creature laid in the middle of her living room floor.

“What is it?” He said, curiously following her gesture. When he saw what had gotten her so excited he groaned. “Not this again. I do not understand your preoccupation with eight-legged animals. We have faced far worse, love. Significantly more dangerous and, in my opinion, much uglier. This,” he condemned, scrutinising the small arachnid before him, “it would barely fill the palm of your hand, let alone mine. And it’s already dead!”

Ana shuddered at the thought of touching it.

“Can you just get rid of it, please?” She implored, trying to keep her tone even and courteous. The last thing she needed was the Master to decide the situation was funny and torment her with the thing even further.

Luckily, after one glimpse at her face, he realised how strongly she wanted it gone and did so without complaint. Only once he’d scooped it up and left the room to dispose of its body, did Ana feel the tension leave her body. That encounter had come too close off the back of the one on Aractune and she prayed, for the sake of her nerves, she wouldn’t encounter any more spiders for quite some time. Or, ideally, ever again.

“All gone.” The Master announced as he came back in.

“Thank you,” Ana said, gushing with gratitude. If he hadn’t just handled its body, she would have thrown herself into his arms to show just how appreciative she was.

“Don’t mention it.” He grinned. “Now, about this flat of yours. I really do think you can do better. Why don’t I…”

“Master.” Ana moaned. Not again.

He held up his hands. “Very well. I won’t mention it. You stay here, in your adorable little hovel. I just hope, for your sake, that you don’t have an infestation of those silly little creatures.” The Master said idly. “Hey, do you remember that woman who was killed by those giant spiders in her apartment when we first met? I couldn’t say so at the time – given the part, I was playing – but that was quite funny, wasn’t it?”

Ana felt all the colour leave her face.

Her eyes bounced around the flat and suddenly her body was tense again.

That sneaky bastard.

Shooting him a glare, Ana stalked past him back into the TARDIS.

“Oh, are you not staying? How delightful, darling.” He grinned. “Now, how about we try and get to Zenus this time. I really do think you’ll enjoy it.”

________________________________________________________________

Ana had been trying to shower away the grime from their latest adventure when she caught sight of the first black leg emerging from the drain. With a shriek, she leapt out of the cubicle, hollering for help.

Grabbing the closest towel, Ana wrapped it around herself just in time for the Master to burst through the door to come to her rescue. If she had thought about it rationally, she might have questioned how he had responded so quickly – given he had last been seen in the console room and, no matter how much the TARDIS aided him by rearranging the corridors, he shouldn’t have been able to get to her so fast.

Instead, she watched him kill the spider and flush it down the toilet, before hurrying to his side to thank him. He pulled her into a hug, grateful for all the skin bared to him by the towel she wore, as he ran his hands along her arms before pulling her flush to his chest.

Once her heart had slowed down to its normal rate, Ana pulled back and switched off the water.

“Your clothes are all damp.” She apologised when she returned to his side.

“Don’t worry about it. I have plenty more where these come from.” He assured, pushing the hair out of her face. “Besides, all in the line of duty. I can’t let those pesky things get to my human now, can I?”

His hand trailed down her face to brush over her bottom lip and he delighted as Ana immediately gave into temptation and leaned in to initiate a passionate kiss, the leftover adrenaline from her encounter making their embrace increasingly desperate.  

________________________________________________________________

“How do spiders keep getting aboard?” Ana lamented, her legs pulled up onto the seat of her chair while the Master caught the spider which had just crawled out the kitchen cupboard while she was trying to get some cereal for breakfast. “We’re in space!”

“We must have picked some up when you wanted to go to Earth yesterday.” The Master explained pointedly. He’d given Ana free reign to choose their destination and, to his chagrin, she wanted to go to Earth to see the launch of Apollo 11. To him, a trip to her sub-par planet to witness the development of primitive technology was a waste of a trip, but she’d found it fascinating.

“The launch probably disrupted a lot of the wildlife and they would have sought shelter.”

The notion that the latest scare was probably her fault, made her apologise for causing such a commotion.

“It’s all right, pet.” He said good-naturedly. “Gave me an opportunity to swoop in and rescue you.”

He waggled his eyebrows at her, making Ana laugh.

“My hero.” She grinned, going along with the joke.

At least he was trying to be.

________________________________________________________________

 Picking up her phone, Ana quickly dialled the TARDIS phone.

“Miss me already, love.” The Master answered, picking up after the first ring. There was a sound of machinery clunking in the background, so Ana presumed he was working in the console room.

“Erm, are you busy?” She asked nervously.

“You do miss me, don’t you?” He chuckled deeply. If the hairs on the back of her neck weren’t already standing on end, they would have been after hearing his pleased tone. “Good pet. Why don’t you tell me what it is you need?”

She was too panicked to respond to his flirting and demanded, a bit too sharply, “Can you just come back? Please?”

The line was silent for a moment before the Master slowly agreed.

“All right, Ana. I’ll be right there.”

Pocketing her phone, Ana concentrated on what was before her. As long as she kept her eyes on it, she wouldn’t lose it. The Master would arrive and get rid of it, then she could go back to enjoying her holiday.

In exchange for the night she’d missed on Daviron – when he’d eagerly whisked her away from her vacation early despite their deal – Ana had convinced the Master to let her stay at a resort for the day. They’d come across the place on their latest adventure. The resort was surrounded by natural geothermal springs and sat secluded in the middle of the planet’s woodlands. It had seemed so beautiful and peaceful, that Ana had implored him to spend more time there and, like last time, the Master had secured her a beautiful suite at the resort’s hotel where she would stay overnight.

Her time there had been blissfully relaxing. Right up until the spider before her emerged. It was the biggest she’d seen since Sheffield and Ana was desperate to get away from it, however, it was between her and the door, leaving little room for her to escape without coming into contact with it.

The sound of the TARDIS landing was the most wonderful noise in the universe Ana decided, as it landed in her bedroom. Taking up space beside her wardrobe, it disguised itself as an additional door.

Stepping outside, the Master raised his hands in question.

Jerking her head towards the problem, she watched as he amusedly realised what he had been summoned for.

“Darling, if you missed me all you needed to do was call. You don’t need to orchestrate these things to justify it.” He jested, raking his eyes up and down the length of her body. “You know I’d never leave you lonely.”

“Master, please.” Ana pleaded, returning her eyes to the oversized bug so it couldn’t disappear on her. She’d spend the night dreading its reappearance.

With all the airs of a long-suffering man, the Master sighed as he withdrew his TCE and killed yet another creature which had offended his human.

Turning on her heel, Ana threw her arms around him and hugged him desperately.

“I knew you’d missed me.” He crowed into her hair, reeling her close.

Shivering slightly, she tried to will herself to relax. It was gone, the Master had dealt with it and she was perfectly safe.

The Master sensed her distress and hugged her more gently, with a firm hand stroking her back to calm her. “It’s all gone now, Ana.” He promised. “You can get back to your holiday now.”

She grimaced at the thought – no longer feeling safe alone in the room it had emerged in – and, after a moment, the Master added, “Unless you want to come back to the TARDIS early?”

Nodding into his shoulder, Ana was unable to see the delight on his face.

Scooping her up, the Master hastened her into the TARDIS without a backward glance.

________________________________________________________________

In hindsight, Ana should have realised what the Master was doing long before she did. As it happened, she only found out when she caught him in the act. The squirming spider was trapped between his fingers by one of its legs, about to go on Ana’s bed. 

Slamming the door behind her, the Master froze before he could let it go. 

Glancing over his shoulder, he gave her a guilty grin. “Pet. I thought you were going for a swim?”

“I forgot my towel,” Ana explained dryly, pointing to the item she had left slung over a chair. 

“We have spares in the lockers beside the pool.” He told her, his tone casual as the spider continued its struggle against his grip. 

Ana arched a brow. “I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t know that or I wouldn’t have come back so soon.” She drawled. “Just what exactly are you doing with that spider?”

“I was removing it.”

She hummed sceptically. “What were you doing in here to begin with?”

As the Master of lies, he spun her a pretty story about wanting to do something romantic by leaving a gift on her bed – he even had a box in his pocket to produce as part of the charade, something he often kept on him in case he attracted his human’s ire and needed a distraction. The lie may have worked on her – it was, she begrudgingly conceded, convincingly told – if, while he spoke, her memory hadn’t produced all those times she had been terrorised by one of those eight-legged creatures, with the Master always conveniently placed to come to her rescue. Taking her to Aractune, even though he knew from their first meeting she was terrified of spiders (or in Aractune’s case, spider-like creatures). The one in her apartment, in the shower, in the TARDIS’s kitchen, in her hotel suite, and now one on her pillow. Undoubtedly he would have waited just around the corner, waiting for her screech of terror before dashing in to rescue her. 

“If you want me to be your damsel in distress,” Ana said acidly, once he was finished telling his fabrications, “perhaps you could try something different next time? Maybe pay someone to dangle me off a building or accidentally drop me into shark-infested waters? This act with the spiders is starting to wear a bit thin. How about some real jeopardy?”

“Pet, I just told you…”

“Treating me like an idiot isn’t going to win me over, you know.” She bit back. Marching over to her bedroom door, she yanked it open and gestured outside. “Take your eight-legged friend with you on your way out.”

“This is my TARDIS, Ana. I’ll go where I please.” He stated, immediately rebelling. 

“Fine. You can take me home then. At least I know you haven’t had time to sneak anything into my house just to scare me back to you. Take me home.”

The Master crushed the spider in his hand, annoyed with its wriggling, and Ana fought not to grimace. She must have failed as, upon catching sight of her face, his ire magnified. 

“Why don’t you get the Doctor to take you home if you’re so disgusted?”

Ana was taken aback. “The Doctor? What has she got to do with anything?” 

“I travelled with you all, pet.” The Master reminded. “I saw you all together. The way your eyes used to light up whenever she would swoop in to rescue you from danger – which, for the record, she also used to put you in. Never did you blame her for that, instead you would all simper and praise her intelligence, her bravery. Your precious Doctor. I’m sure if she had done this, you would have found it delightful!” He yelled, the bitterness dripping so heavily from his words, Ana could feel it wash over her from the other side of the room. 

Her bewilderment grew. “That’s why you did this? You wanted an excuse to rescue me so you could be more like the Doctor.”

Out of habit, he rejoined, “I am nothing like the Doctor!”

“I know!” Ana yelled back. When his face fell, she added softly, “That’s why I chose you.”

Walking closer, still mindful of his hand and the crushed remains of the insect smeared over his palm, Ana looked at him. “When I was with the fam and I got into danger, there was always a part of me that thought they wouldn’t miss me if I was gone. I was never really a part of their family, and part of me wondered if sometimes they wouldn’t like to get rid of me. That, given the opportunity of me being in danger, they would just leave me there. That’s why I was so happy when O started to come with us because, with you there, I knew there was always someone who would notice if I wasn’t there, who would push to get me back whatever the risk. That’s why I’m with you now. You might get me into ridiculously dangerous situations, but I know you’ll always try to rescue me from them.”

“Always.” The Master confirmed without hesitation. 

Ana believed him. While she knew there was a chance the Master might get sick of her one day and send her packing, she was confident he would never leave her to fall victim to one of his messes. She believed he cared for her enough to never wish her physical harm. If she was in danger, he would rescue her. There was no doubt in her mind. And she certainly didn’t need any convincing to stay with him – she had never regretted her choice to leave the Doctor for the Master and couldn’t imagine there would ever be a time that she would. 

“You don’t need to play pretend being the hero, Master. There’s nothing for you to live up to. I’m happy where I am.” Ana said. “No more spiders, okay?

“No more spiders.” He confirmed. Raising his hands, ready to tug her into a kiss, he pouted when Ana hastily backed away. 

“Okay, don’t get me wrong. I’d love to kiss you, really I would. But you’ve got to wash that hand first, I’m not getting spider guts in my hair.”

His dour expression was replaced with a grin as he realised her true motive for pulling away. Pointing a finger at her, he said sternly, “Don’t go anywhere.”

The Master hastened into her bathroom to do as his pet desired, Ana giggling as she watched him run off, so eager to return for his kiss. 

“I’m still mad about you planting all those spiders though.” She called after him. 

“I know.” He replied sulkily, prompting her to laugh again. “I’ll make it up to you.”

My hero, she thought wryly.

Note: That second experience is based on something that happened to me when a relative, who had been house sitting for us, thought it would be funny to leave a dead spider in the middle of my bedroom floor for when I got home because they know how much I hate spiders. Suffice to say, I didn't find it funny! 

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this and no one found the spiders creepy! I know this story doesn't progress the series much, I just thought it was a funny idea as I'd already set up that Ana hates spiders in Vabivis. Let me know your thoughts!

N.B. I've now made a Discord group for Master fans (and other Dhawan characters like Orlo, Davos etc). If you're interested in joining, message me for the link! 

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Top 6 Underrated Comedy Scenes in IPK

Version: Arnav Singh Raizada & Situational Comedy

After a certain Khushi Kumari Gupta entered ASR’s life, let’s say she’s given him many moments to laugh. But sometimes, fate wants to laugh at his expense too. Here are six underrated moments in IPK where life did not give Arnav any lemons to make lemonade. 

1. Banwari, The Dhobi (S3, E10)

The one day Arnav decides to do something right, the entire universe conspires to make everything go wrong. His day pretty much goes like this; Mission “Khushi, I am Sorry” Obstacle #1: Arnav can’t say sorry. Everyone can, but no one helps. Because Arnav never asks for help.

Solution - Just find Khushi. Obstacle #2: Ask Lavanya. Feign ignorance... feign ignorance... doesn’t Lavanya know who I’m talking about? Feign ignorance... she’s taken a vacation WHAT *fuck*.

Solution - Call Khushi

Obstacle #3: Can’t English when Khushi’s on the phone. Also, cuts the call himself, has the Rabba Ve wind, and facepalms himself.  But the moment of this hilarious day that takes the cake is when Arnav instructs JP on whoever is by the door, to send that person to his room.  Arnav (ready with the intense look): I need to speak to you

Someone with a voice that does not give him the Rabba Ve : Yes sir, tell me, anyways I’m used to the [scolding] Arnav (turns dramatically, intensity dead): WHO ARE YOU? 

Not Khushi: Banwari, aapka dhobi.  *sigh* We’re with you Arnav bitwa, we’re with you. Although you shouldn’t have yelled at Banwari ji. Banwari kinda predicted though. 

2. Oh Aman! (S3, E34)

Before Khushi, khushingly, threw the mitti (soil) all over herself which led to the gentle-hot-sexy-eye-blow-dust-shy Rabba Ve; the mitti was in her hands, in his pot, and all the way from Arnav’s room to the living room.

And here was Aman, being Aman, taking every meticulous note of what his sir was saying.

“Okay Aman, I was saying that our delegates are arriving tomorrow at Banglore. Prepare your team and give them-” Arnav notices the soil on the floor “-Mitti?” 

“Foreign delegates ko mitti dena hai, sir?” We should give the foreign delegates soil, sir? 

No Aman bitwa!

“Oh Shut up Aman!”

This moment is outright hilarious and one can literally see Aman blurting out the first thought in his head - and it’s too late - before he gets yelled at by Arnav.

Poor Aman though;

ASR: *asks for confirmation by asking Aman to repeat*

Aman: *repeats*

ASR: *says something stupid*

Aman: *repeats?*

ASR: Oh shut up *I was commenting on something you have no idea and I expect you to understand my stupidity as you are more worthy than me in several scenarios and I don’t think you are human*

3. The Newly Shadi Shuda Arnav Singh Raizada (S6, E31)

When Arnav Singh Raizada got hitched (more like forcing a woman to elope with him), one expected many hearts to be broken. After all, the kunwara krorepati - bachelor billionaire - was off the market! But the one heart that I never expected to be broken by Arnav’ marital status, was of Shukla ji’s! Alternating between an Arnav who had no idea that man before him existed, and the canteen waala who believes he is an intrinsic part of Arnav’s life - it is one of the funniest scenes in the show. Shukla: Sir, I was just gone for a day and-

ASR: Who the hell are you?

Shukla: Sir I’m Shukla, the canteen waala *cue ugly crying* I AM THE ONE who brings your daily morning tea, without sugar, and your daily evening coffee, without sugar, to you.

ASR: *invoking Kanan Biswa from MPKDH Pretentious Movie Review* Toh problem kya hai?

Shukla: Sir that’s exactly what I’m asking, if there was an issue with *sobs*

ASR: Come to the point

Shukla: Nobody wants the canteen food, they’ve all found a new lunch service *sobbing continues* This provides me the bread and butter for my home and YOU destroyed-

ASR: What the! What did I do?

Shukla: YOU. GOT. MARRIED

ASR: I got married, how is that a problem to you?

Shukla: *sobs and leaves*

ASR: Sabki problem kya hai yaar! it’s awesome seeing ASR say yaar Crazy people.

*If this scene does not make you laugh, I will be extremely judgmental of you* 

Also whoever played Shukla ji, your crying was epic. 

4. Presenting Lakshmi Nagar, by Manorama Raizada (S7, E1)

There’s one thing about going to your in-laws house, there’s another thing of somebody frightening you to no end about it.

Manorama and Arnav have the strangest friendship - they are both well aware of the other’s faults and are not hesitant to use those faults - but somehow believe the first thing that is out of their mouths.

This scene might have not been funny, if Arnav was not straight up terrified and believing everything Mami ji said (until she would say something completely obnoxious). One can see that Arnav literally hangs on every word Mami says *lol*

Arnav: *can handle a fashion empire, a sleazy brother-in-law and millions of rupees*

Mami: *describes food floating in oil at his in-laws house*

Arnav: *nearly shits his pants*

This scene truly works wonders because of the fantastic acting and chemistry between Barun Sobti and Utkarsha Naik.

5. Khushi’s Dream Man, Not Arnav Singh Raizada (S7, E3)

Arnav knew Khushi liked Salman, enough to put a poster in his room to annoy the hell out of him. But here he sees that she loves Salman. Honestly dreams about marrying him - in a cheaply cut out poster of him and her in a palanquin.

And even though he has been in her room several times before, this is the first team he notices the little things about her.

It is cute and hilarious because in one second Arnav has five immediate opinions about her.

Arnav: I have to see Salman here, too? That too six times?

Arnav: Certified crazy… wait… what’s that

Arnav: A wedding palanquin with Khushi and… what… Salman?! WHAT THE?

Arnav: SHE ACTUALLY DREAMS OF MARRYING HIM?

Arnav: She’s crazy, childish but adorable, loveable and oh my fuck this little cutie patootie asdfghjk ahh I need to stahp;

The mental ‘what the’ was loud enough to shatter the walls of Gupta house.

Also, Barun, you are a treasure.

6. Never Underestimate the Power of a Common Belan (& Bua ji) (S8 E9)

I cannot begin with what I love about this specific episode. It is AMAZING to see Arnav get roasted (sorry bitwa), especially by his in-laws for a very valid reason.

He forgot his wife’s birthday. And he realised that. While yelling at her. In her home. In front of her family *slow claps*.

The hilarious series of moments begin from Arnav stating he doesn’t want to eat, and Bua ji (oh I love her in these episodes) just comes in front of him - stares at him - and challenges him to leave the house without eating. #ToughLove #BuajiRoxx (Abha ji, you are amazing)

The day really isn’t cut out for Arnav. It isn’t.

How Not To Celebrate Your Wife’s Birthday  - Arnav Singh Raizada

On the night before her birthday, call her the biggest mistake of your life (don’t worry, if she wants to leave the house have something in handy to blackmail her with to stay back).

On the day of her birthday, yell at her, preferably in her house, where her family is present.

Oh, you still don’t know it’s her birthday.

Try to say h-hha...happ...ha

Don’t refuse lunch. Bua ji has a powerful belan.

Tell your wife hh..hh-hhaaa-- happy singh?

Notice what she’s missing, and buy the replacement (especially one that does not suit her style nor necessities)

Don’t attempt to pacify the family.

Eat 584219 puris, no questions asked.

Then look at your wife, ask for…. water.

Continue eating the puris.

DON’T ATTEMPT TO FLIRT IF YOU CAN’T GO BEYOND HA--HA--

Get served more puris. Win the family’s heart, oh fuck, not your wife’s though.

Give her the gift, selected and signed by your assistant. Oh, and don’t forget to say ha-ha---handsfree?

Act surprised when; she doesn’t believe the gift is yours, uses the bag what several middle class people use bags for, gets a heart attack on the price.

Oh don’t mention the price of the gift.

Forcibly feed cake, cut the cake, and attempt to flirt when she’s absolutely not in the mood.

Kiss her and give her the one meaningful gift, when she’s asleep.

Realise that you’ve fucked up and you’ll fuck up further. It’s a good thing you married her (oh shit and reminded her about the contract) and your cousin is her friend who can help you for the rest of your life.

With sincere What Thes, ASR.

Penned by NK. So that’s it for today - hope you all had a fun time reading this! And a big hug to all those who inspired me (you know who you are).

A big thank you to the scriptwriters and creatives for coming with these wonderful moments - comedy is one of the most difficult things to write!

[any-n-everything]

MDZS Read Through (4/?)

Chapters 3-5: Aggression

Translations taken from Exiled Rebels Scanlations

None of these things made him feel the joy of reincarnation at all!

I stan one (1) Dramatic B*tch

If he didn’t scavenge for food, he might become the first villainous ghoul who starved to death upon arrival.

*notes down for fanfic purposes* WWX has a macabre sense of humor T_T

Wei WuXian played with the pair of chopsticks that were stuck into the rice [...].

Wait, isn’t that a bad practice? Don’t you stick chopsticks into rice for like... dead people? The polite practice is to lay chopsticks over the rims of the bowl or like, beside the rice bowl, I think.

Although he surprised countless people, he was, in fact, loving every second of it, and finally realized the delight of being a lunatic.

I recently watched the donghua with my mom and she mentioned that the animation sequence better portrayed WWX acting out MXY’s lunacy than The Untamed did. I’m not entirely sure what she meant, but I think it’s because the live action aspect didn’t exactly lend itself well to portraying WWX’s antics in the novel, so it kind of (ironically) made WWX more tamed. 

It could also be set on a house, but the house must have living humans inside of it. Then, the attack range would expand to include everyone inside the house.

*flashbacks to Wen Chao’s, Wang Lingjiao’s, and Wen Zhuliu’s death scenes*

*softly* oh my god MXTX you hinted at it this early?

As Wei WuXian was scrutinizing the corpse, Madam Mo suddenly rushed towards him, with a gleaming dagger in her hand. 

Who the heck gave the hysterical lady a dagger? Who allowed her to hold one?

During the day, Lan SiZhui saw Wei WuXian make a scene in the East Hall, and, afterwards, he also heard a lot of exaggerated rumours from other people. He felt extremely sympathetic to the invalid, and couldn’t help but to take his side, [...].

Once again, irrefutable proof that LSZ is Best Boi

When he was younger, he talked quite a lot about exterminating entire families and clans, killing millions of people, creating rivers of blood, and other cruel actions. But, most of the time, they were empty words. If he could actually do the things that he said, he would have long been dominating the cultivation world.

*face palms* See, child, things like that is how you got your sh*tty reputation. You could learn a lot from your future husband about being more careful with your words, you know.

He got addicted to stealing his cousin’s talismans and magic tools, [...]. Therefore, when the owners of the flags were subduing walking corpses in the West Courtyard, he quietly took one.

*deep breath* YOUR SON’S KLEPTOMANIA KILLED HIM YOU INSUFFERABLE MADAM

Madam Mo was well aware of her son’s foibles, but she wasn’t willing to admit that Mo ZiYuan caused his own death.

OH MY GOD

“[...] A-Yuan is still a child*!”

*The actual word used here meant “from ten-years-old to nineteen-years-old”, but, although they say “in one’s twenties”, people don’t say “in one’s tens”, so the word was replaced by “a child” instead.

[...]

“[...] How old is your son? He should be at least seventeen, [...].”

Based on these words, MZY was somewhere between 17-19 years old, I guess?

Also, yes WWX! Defend those repressed children!!

In the past, Madam Mo didn’t even need to push him. If she just raised her voice, he would comply immediately. How could he dare to strike back today? 

It’s interesting how the Mo Family at this point in time was matriarchal rather than patriarchal. I wonder why MXTX chose to do that?

As she [Madam Mo] fainted, Wei WuXian happened to be next to her, and gave her a hand, passing her to A-Ding, [...].

Woah, what the heck, what a polite gesture.

Idk guys, it’s the little things like these that sort of impress upon the reader that WWX isn’t actually as evil as the rumors say he is.

If Wei WuXian left now, when the helpers came, the streets of Mo Village might be packed with corpses who lost their left arms, including a few disciples of blood relations to the GusuLan Clan as well.

After pondering for a moment, Wei WuXian told himself, finish it quickly.

Like these lines. WWX is staying to protect people even though it would not only not benefit him, but also bring him great risk. Even then, he cares more about doing what is right than protecting himself. I have so many feels about this boy.

Lan JingYi snapped, “You idiot! How can you still laugh in a situation like this?” But, after a second thought, he knew that he was an idiot anyways, so what’s the use of haggling over him?

I know in my heart that LJY is what a WWX raised in the Lan Sect would be like. The boy may not be WWX’s son by blood but he is his successor in spirit.

Being dismembered was a classic example of a distressing death. It was only somewhat more dignified than the way Wei WuXian died. Unlike the situation of being crushed to powder, the limbs and parts of the corpse [...].

Wait wait wait. Hold up. “Unlike the situation of being crushed to powder”? “More dignified than the way Wei WuXian died”? Child, were you crushed to powder? I know that the most popular speculation is that you were eaten alive by fierce corpses, and I honestly don’t know which death is worse.

The boys from the Lan clan saw that, although talismans didn’t work, clothing did, and all took off their coats to cover the left hand.

Okay, now I’m getting emotional whiplash because, although intellectually I know that the live action made the robe thing look, objectively, cool and graceful, the f*cking phrasing here is hilarious. I suddenly have the image of a group of teenage boys awkwardly and hastily stripping off their outer robes and just carelessly throwing them on top of a writhing demonic left arm. Oh my god.

The ten-or-so walking corpses that were subdued by the boys stood silently in the courtyard, [...]

Do you guys also think that NHS had something to do with the fierce corpses haunting Mo Village?

They had only seen these battles between multiple fierce corpses in books and hearsay, and they all gaped [...], unable to avert their gazes. They all thought that it was… Absolutely thrilling!

LMAO. See, your war veterans would be horrified, but I guess teenagers will be teenagers.

Wei WuXian made eye contact with him [the donkey] for one second, and was immediately touched by the minuscule amount of contempt in its eyes.

WWX is a cat person, confirmed.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 13

humansona time, hell yes

OH MAN I forgot about the stuff w/swerve and blurr oof

that panel of perceptor just saying random equations always kills me vhsdjhfkbjhksdfnka

also I love so much that they call perceptor ‘percy’ that's so cute

I love the implications here that people just Grab minibots and carry them around like luggage bc they are Tiny lmao

ohhhh my god I fuckgin love ‘I'm just wondering if there's time to expand my aura and cleanse the area of aggression’ ‘I...don't think so, drift’ hgbadjfjbaskdfs drift’s hippy nonsense delivered completely seriously pairs hilariously with his whole ‘violent guy with a bunch of swords’ thing lmao

also, IM NEVER OVER CYCLONUS SINGING TO TAILGATE, and also the security team mistaking it for cyclonus murdering tg hbhkjadfbjkhsdf cyclonus u icon

and tg looking at cyclonus all heart-eyes, omg 

drift showing rodimus how to swordfight...fellas.....

rodimus, being entirely ignorant to the irony in calling cyclonus and tailgate’s relationship strange when he and drift are Right There, being weird gay frat bros

did yall know, I love magnus so much. law dad

magnus saying ‘that's not even a word. id have heard of it’ about the word ‘relax’ is so funny god 

rodimus bribing swerve with a bar license to get magnus turnt is hbvhjakdbfhskf

never over rodimus portioning out drifts blood money to the crew for shore leave hubhjsdkhfdbjksd god 

despite tg lying about a good amount of his past, I feel like he rlly DOES see cyclonus as a link to a more familiar time, and that's a large reason why he’s so forgiving toward cyc

mannnn the stuff w/blurr and swerve is so depressing in retrospect. swerve is like, such a depressing character the more you think abt him vbhskjdhfbsk jesus

magnus trying to get in on the convo when swerve starts talking statistics oh magnus

idk what ‘the lube pits’ are but I Really do not want to know

‘the temple of the raging prism’ sounds fuckin bangin tho

I love seeing everyones humansona!! this art style is pretty simple, but I think it looks cute

rungs ‘human name’ being ‘mary sue’ lmaoooooo jro w/the self callout

also skids’ name being blank is a nice touch

still not over tg being a baby....poor guy

whirls humansona is so fuckgin good, also swerve looks like a hobbit

magnus basing his avatar on verity is so sweet ;_; I really should read all the wreckers stuff after I finish this reread

THE ABSOLUTE COMEDY OF MAGNUS JUST FUCKGIN PASSING OUT THE INSTANT THE ALOCHOL HITS...ICONIC

WHY would magnus accept a drink from whirl anyways lmao

tailgate is so cute

they rlly just left magnus facedown on the table and kept drinking huh. the irresponsibility....we love it

ARE YOU SURE THAT KILLMASTER IS DEAD, WHIRL? ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

rung don't lie, froid is your nemesis

WHY do we never get to hear more about skids’ apparent beef with misfire

rewind calling the swerve/misfire This early, wow

literally Everyone abandoning swerve to deal with magnus hgbvhfjdskdfbhs I fucking love this issue man

GOD I LOVE MAGNUS SO MUCH!!!!!!!! he’s such an interesting and unique character and hhhh I love him and his development

like, he was probably the biggest surprise out of everyone who agreed to go on the quest - ostensibly it was to keep order on the lost light, but it would make sense that magnus would get tired of being the Only one who cares about that sorta stuff on board 

drunk magnus is such a delight oh my god

magnus rlly just wants everyone to be safe :( my daddddd

magnus: I love all my children equally...swerve, rodimus, [looks at smudged writing on hand] dirt

swerve: see, magnus, that’s where you’re wrong - I ALSO have crippling depression!

cant believe they bought rodimus a hat vhbhksdfhahsjkdf

HHHHH GOD I FORGOT ABT THATTTT when cyclonus goes bonkers in order to stop rewind from playing the ark 1 footage and inadvertently outing tailgate as a liar....AUGHHHHH THE FUCKING...THE FUCKING ROMANCE OF IT ALL

POOR MAGNUS LMAOOOO

oh rewind :( you should really wonder a little harder where chromedome is right now...oof

everyone jumping on magnus while he’s passed tf out is SO fucking funny 

RUNG, PLEASE, WE REALLY DONT NEED TO THINK ABOUT WHATS AROUND THE CORNER. REALLY DONT

hhhhhhhhhhh I love how cyclonus sat tailgate down and confronted him about lying, but did it privately and not in front of everyone - and he even saved tg from being exposed as a liar, too. AUGH 

I feel like cyclonus is kinda impressed at how effortlessly tg has managed to lie this whole time, and tbh it IS impressive, especially considering tailgate was basically teleported 6 million years into the future and has no idea how the world works anymore, but was still able to lie convincingly. even cyclonus only realized bc of his own past, and not until now

tailgate ;_; ;_; ;_; 

cyclonus: oh no...im soft

tailgate and cyclonus singing ye olde cybertronian tunes together...OUGHHHH my fucking heart bro mY FUCKING HEART.

on that note: the song ‘to noise making (sing)’ by hozier is literally about cygate. thank u for coming to my ted talk

UGH GOD SWERVE STOP MAKING ME SO SAD, ITS NOT EVEN THE SWEARTH ARC YET

magnus had to like, get the robot equivalent of a stomach pumping after that hvbskdjfbhskdf jesus they really did almost kill him huh

I consider this issue forshadowing bc it makes 100% sense that minimus would be a Mega Lightweight considering he’s like 3 feet tall

the real quest that swerve is participating in is ‘the quest to get friends’ and so far its going pretty badly. poor dude 

godddd the thing that says ‘next: Overlord!’ with a fucking exclamation point I DONT APPRECIATE THAT. 

OHO i forgot abt the canon fanfic at the end of this issue

rung kicking things off with some good ole bodily workings-based dread 

ok but being so awed by the construction of your species’ anatomy that you wanna fall on the floor in amazement? that's a whole ass mood and I do frequently stare at walls for long periods of time, thinking about the marvel that is the human body. so rung is valid 

FROID NAME DROP LMAO. also yet again, are you SURE he’s dead?? are you????

the name ‘froid’ cracked me up almost as much as ‘rigor morphis’ did when I first read this...robot-based science puns! woohoo!

rung rlly b out here thinking abt overlords lips.....

‘forced browsing is not the autobot way’ lmao skids

also fr tailgate defs thinks that whirls actually name is nutjob

the entire segment of cyclonus browsing and everyone watching him and commenting is just. golden

oh no. don't make me think of rewind and his tiny memory sticks that he carries around. I'm NOT READY

magnus’ brutal read on rodimus and the fact that he’s more suited, personality-wise, to wartime than peacetime? oof. love it

I ALSO love that a big part of this issue was magnus admitting, in less direct terms, that HE isn't made for the post-war life either - his strict adherence to the rules and constant vigilance isn't exactly the best mindset for peacetime, for him or the people under his command

magnus’s hatred of metaphors and similes and the like....hvbsdjkfbasjhdf I love him

MAGNUS ILY...he’s trying SO HARD cut him some slack. i think his jokes are. yeah!

oh goody this text used "rodimus’s" so I guess that's canonically correct and I haven't been using grammar incorrectly as I had feared 

rodimus sitting ON his desk and doodling on it...adhd icon

rodimus calling rung a psychotherapist, which was rung’s grounds for a nemesis hvbhjabfdskfnkks

rung: as I'm sure you know I take patient confidentiality VERY seriously

narrator: That Was A Lie 

AUGH this hurts...rung trying to get justice for red alert but rodimus is in on the overlord stuff :( ouch

so issue 13! I fucking love this issue. just some good ole funney space hijinks, with some nice relationship development for tg and cyc - plus a revelation about tailgate - and some characterization for swerve and magnus. plus we get to see humansonas, which is always fun. augh I love this comic, and I am SO not ready for the next few issues, good lord