#And are just in survival mode. I'm living in a similar situation.

[the-cooler-king]

Also since its 9am in going to have a baby moment.... I don't feel lonely and I'm not like forlorn or sad but I really. Wish. I. Had. Friends.

[joanofexys]

I think what bugs me the most about what happened today other than the fact that I was the one getting vagued is the fact that the conversation got warped into one that is about morality and not simply theorizing on The Ravens and how The Nest works

my original post essentially said two things:

The Ravens are victims and to erase that because they don't fit the model of the perfect victim and some have even become abusers erases all nuance from that portion of Jean and Kevin's lives and the surrounding discussion

Cults are weird. I grew up in one. And it is very easy to manipulated by one and to feel trapped and to also be completely in the dark about what is happening in a cult even when you're in the heart of it

I did not say anyone had to forgive the Ravens (they're fictional characters. fake people. that wasn't even on my mind) or that any of them are by any means good people. i also didn't say that they were all oblivious or that there weren't some of them that were abusive. I also never made this a conversation about morality and whether or not the Ravens are good or bad people for staying in a cult.

For some reason that got warped into what we are currently discussing and involved some highly insensitive language surrounding cult victims including things being said like it's not crazy to expect people to walk away from things like scholarships, financial security, or career security if it means being complacent in abuse and that it's "just basic morals".

And I'm sorry for getting personal on this but as a cult survivor I think that's one of the most upsetting and insensitive things I have heard come from these conversations today.

It doesn't matter what x thing is whether it's money or food or housing or a career. In a cult they use whatever it is you need and make you dependent on them for it. Also with the Ravens in particular keep in mind it wasn't simply being complacent in abuse. They were being abused.

If you have been in a similar situation, if you are grappling with the guilt of leaving a cult or anything like a cult, know that you are not a moral failure for having stayed for as long as you did. You are not moral failure for staying for whatever reason you did. It is not just basic morals when it comes to living in a cult. Morality becomes warped and the concept of what is immoral and moral is something completely different and that is intentional.

It doesn't matter whether you think the Ravens were aware of Riko's abuse or not. Having differing opinions on that is completely okay. What you don't get to do is turn it into a conversation about morality where you then get to insult cult survivors like we're evil people for not walking away at the first red flag because we needed something. Because we were in survival mode and we weren't able to focus on other people.

We still don't have all the details on how the Ravens function or the type of abuse players even outside of the perfect court face other than it was extreme. It's fun to theorize. And it's okay if people disagree. But if you can't be mindful about where your opinion switches from theory to some huge declaration of moral high ground then you've lost the fucking plot.

I would love to talk more about the Ravens and my theories on them. I would love to talk more about how cults work and why I think it's possible they were completely unaware of Riko's abuse. There's a lot of nuance in those conversations and I would love to take the time to treat them with the care they deserve. I'm also still incredibly upset by a lot of the things said today and I can acknowledge that this is a topic that is very personal to me. So this is me opening up that can of worms (again) and I'm more than happy to have those conversations and answer questions but please be patient with me because if it isn't already obvious this is a topic that is incredibly sensitive to me

[autumnslance]

G'raha's Leadership in the Final Days

Finally got PunchyCat to the Final Days, and while we often speak to the big cutscene where G'raha "goes into Exarch mode" and takes command in the chaos, before that he and the WoL run around Radz-at-Han investigating the Blasphemy, and even there, G'raha's many years as Exarch really show through in how he interacts with the traumatized and terrified people.

Rahdvira: Sisters have mercy, what is happening to the world!? What am I to do…? Is nowhere safe!? G'raha Tia: Settle down, friend. The danger has passed…at least for now. If it's not too painful to remember, could you tell us what you saw?

and at the end of the man's tale:

G'raha Tia: That is enough, my good man. You were brave to share with us your tale. Many of your fellow merchants are safe. The High Crucible, too, has survived mostly unscathed. Pray stay close to your friends and loved ones, and rest your body and mind while you are able. G'raha Tia: I suspect that is the most we can expect the people here to tell us. I think it best we find a place outside the bazaar where we might rest and review our findings.

Choosing to Speak with G'raha...

G'raha Tia: It might distress those still traumatized by the incident to discuss what we've learned within earshot…

He also remembers the details of how WoL knew Khalzahl (thanks to that great memory of his, hearing the reports of the first trip to Thavnair). As Mihleel is shaken by remembering the terror erupting at her tables, however...

G'raha Tia: Forgive me. I would not have you recall the memory if it brings you pain. If I could, I would ask just one more thing.

After getting directions to Khalzahl's neighborhood, WoL and G'raha question an older woman:

Mahti: I don't travel much these days, but my daughter's told me not to venture outside. Stuck in here as I am, I've heard little about these bizarre goings-on. G'raha Tia: Rest assured, the city is safe for now, but the situation may change without warning. G'raha Tia: I urge you: stay close to your daughter, and be prepared to take refuge should the satrap order it. Mahti: Yes, I shall do just that. Thank you for your concern, and pray stay safe as well.

And then the sleepy Arkasodara down the street:

Parigha: Hmmm…? Could you come back another time? I just woke up, and I'm not exactly in the mood for idle chitchat. G'raha Tia: Well, that's one way to avoid the panic, I suppose… G'raha Tia: Pardon our intrusion. You may not have noticed, but a great danger has come to Thavnair. I encourage you to stay alert, and prepare to flee the city should the situation turn dire. G'raha Tia: But before we leave you in peace…pray allow us to ask a question or two.

And finally, when dealing with Djinabaha at Ruveydah Fibers, helping the employees pack things away before he'd even talk, G'raha finishes with this as we go on to the next quest (and Ahewann's fate).

G'raha Tia: My friend, we must take our leave. I pray that your establishment is spared further tragedy. But remember: your lives are far more precious than any wares. If you are ordered to flee, do so without hesitation. Djinabaha: Indeed… I thank you for your concern, and pray you two take care as well.

G'raha knows how to talk to people shaken by disaster, calming and reassuring, and giving them clear advice and action to take to keep themselves safe. It's a handy precursor to his taking command in the next cutscene, reminding us that he is, unfortunately, all too familiar with events similar to these, and this steadiness, thoughtfulness, and concern comes from too many years of practice.

[angelsandarsenic]

From the moment Cucurucho appeared, I have loved that freaky bear thing

Cucurucho (and the federation) has so much horror potential that is not talked about nearly enough. There's all this awesome creepy fanart of Cucurucho, but the pure horror potential I-

Of course, from the beginning, Quesadilla Island and the Federation have been very similar to communist propaganda, what with the happy go lucky Pato (and admins) giving them steadfast rules with extreme consequences, "I hope you enjoy the island", the census bureau, so much stuff being "classified" and don't even get me started on the happy pills. But this type of behavior has such a psychological horror feel; what specifically gets me thinking all the time is that phrase "I hope you enjoy the island". It's so fucking ominous, especially if you imagine Cucurucho as this Clearly Not Right but is Pretending creature--which you don't even have to, the QSMP did a fantastic job of presenting them that way anyway--the phrase is framed as something positive but is sooooo eerie and👏 I live 👏 for 👏 that 👏 shit👏.

Obviously, I have to acknowledge poor horror protag Cellbit, who's absolutely going through it, but the whole server has huge madness and phobia horror themes, and even home invasion/survival themes in a twisted way, as well as, all together science experiment horror.

The madness/phobia horror subgenre focuses on the effect the situation has on the characters more than any actual killing that may happen. Of course, murder is an excellent scare tactic in this genre, similar to, again, uber controlling governments that "make people disappear" or outright show off execution as a control method. This subgenre is about characters going insane, what drives people to do terrible or desperate things. In this way, the eggs are a huge factor.

Everything about the wall and not being able to leave the island sets up for a claustrophobic, trapped feeling. You are not in control, something something about fragile birds and freedom versus big predators--the Federation is in control. The admins and the code monsters and faceless and named federation workers, the happy pills or outright killing and torturing people, everything you do is either allowed or not by the Federation. It breeds resentment, prompts people to explore and rebel, so the players were given the eggs. It worked as a fantastic distraction, and everyone grew incredibly attached to them, like they were supposed to. This is where home invasion/survival type horror begins to tie in, but I'll get to that.

By the way, has anyone else ever been suspicious about the eggs coming from the Federation and what that could mean for their trustworthiness? I'm not talking about the eggs becoming code monsters, that's sort of a different thing, I mean as the eggs, in everybody's homes and personal lives, they have free access to everything on the island.

The players settled down. They built homes, they made lives for themselves and tasks were required to do to keep the eggs alive, like what happens when people have children for real. It forced them to become familiar and complacent on the island and gave them every reason not to leave.

I don't need to explain the impact that all had, almost every action is driven by the eggs, for the eggs, for family. The way everyone reacted when the eggs got taken, then again, and the desperation everyone has to get them back safe, such as Philza Minecraft willingly walking himself into a trap just for the chance of finding Chayanne.

The Federation can just take away the eggs at any time. They can take away the players' security, autonomy, create mode, etc. What strikes me though is the way the plot has progressed so far, and that's what makes it science experimentation horror.

First, we start with Cucurucho again--emotionless, detached, sterile and white colors/coding, and what is their job? To collect data on the players. Cucurucho has shown up several times throughout the QSMP, including before the eggs ever came into play, as a worker for the census bureau.

The eggs require regular tasks with increasing difficulty, which could be viewed as similar to scientists working with animals seeing how they perform and complete specific activities, like a mouse running through more difficult mazes to find cheese. Then, players get more complicated and specific tasks and no one gets to know why/what they're for usually.

Remember the first time the eggs disappeared, we were afraid they would never come back? I was surprised that they did. I think events like this are the big tests, and maybe it was just me, but it feels like the eggs are being taken and allowed back, not like the players have any actual affect on the situation.

It would be remiss not to mention the backstory that's slowly being uncovered and how some players are being outright experimented on or manipulated by the Federation. Jaiden as Bluebird plus Baghera and Quackity, Cellbit's interactions with Cucurucho and Forever and Pac on the happy pills. Speaking of, I'm so incredibly curious to see what's going to happen to Philza now  👀 👀

The Federation has had very limited interactions with the players and usually through representatives or proxies. They're kind of like a hand of God coming down to mess with stuff whenever they see fit, or again, like scientists, watching and controlling and taking notes. What all for?????? This would also explain Cucurucho's pure hatred of Tubbo--Cellbit was expected, and his investigations were only going so far, then he is easily put back in his place with a little scare, or gets preoccupied (oh how easily Roier could be used against him). Tubbo on the other hand, came out of nowhere. He's a chaotic little anomaly of their new test subjects and doesn't take time to cautiously settle into the island, not to mention he presents as harmless, which was how he got the better of Cucurucho in the first place. Who knows what he could do to the other characters and the Federation's experiments?

It's also worth mentioning that the whole setting is an island. Meaning even though the players can't escape, there are other people/land out there, but the players are in a secluded, controlled environment.

Lastly, "islands" (enviornments that are isolated for the duration of the media in some way) are a main setting of horror and specifically home invasion/survival horror. Similar to phobia/madness horror, home invasion/survival horror focuses more on the buildup before the attack, the characters being watched and the subsequent affect. It also relies on the characters having a a place they feel safe or something/someone they want to protect. That’s what the QSMp created when they gave the players the eggs. Even though the players are on the Federation’s island, they’ve been forced to make homes there and made connections with each other and with their kids. Then, the monsters attack. Monsters that didn’t show up in the very beginning, progressively getting worse and targeting the eggs. It’s like the characters have been dropped on the island just to be food or playthings for the creatures. The characters get high security doors and windows and reinforced blocks, they get powerful weapons. Then there’s the code, and the Federation itself, tearing into the characters’ lives and families, no matter what they do, they’re never safe. There is no sense of security and I think even with Etoiles getting the code monster’s sword and every advancement the players make, it won’t be enough. Not to mention, Philza, one of the best survivalist, innovative and fighter players just got kidnapped.

Lastly, Cucurucho said the eggs left because there was something worse than the Federation on the island. That statement is terrifying on it’s own, but it fits right in with this au genre of horror—the assailants don’t show their faces until near the end of the story, and not only do we know very little about the Federation still, but this new threat looms, completely unknown.

Ok, ok, I know I got way off topic of Cucurucho, but like I said, since they first showed up, the QSMP has had fantastic horror potential, that it’s living up to, we just don’t talk about it much.

[brotherslayer]

I was musing with some friends the other day, and I thought our thoughts would be interesting to talk about. In WMMAP, Jennette basically takes on the role of LP!Athanasia. She has a more downcast, gentle disposition, contrasting WMMAP!Athanasia's lively and sunny 'personality'. And I say that in quotes because she basically took Jennette's personality, eventually making her own spin on it and turning into the sunshine personification we know and love as Athy. She even said as a kid that Claude liked Jennette, so she should act like Jennette (therefore starting her lovey-dovey act with Claude). There's tons of scenes showing how lonely Jennette is. She's deserate for a family, like LP!Athy was desperate for her father's love (her family). She clings onto our Athy, and even though she's kind to Jennette, she still leaves her completely in the dark and alone, until the end of the series. And on a similar note, Athy.. Knew about Jennette's identity and situation the entire time. Jennette had been told her entire life that she is Claude's daughter and Athy's sister, and Athy knows this, but she still leaves her to stand. Repeatedly, she acts loving and happy with Claude right in front of Jennette's face, and treats her like an outsider. (Example; when she fell in the lake and Claude almost let her drown, or episode 82 when Jennette asks if Claude is alright, and Athy tells her to go home). This also applies to the Debutante Ball- While Athanasia shines that day, Jennette is left behind by both Claude and Athy. Athy knows all about her, but lets Jennette watch her act close with Claude, and then scurries off with him leaving her behind. Of course, this isn't to bash Athy or anything, she was in survival mode at the Debutante. And a lot of times around Jennette, she was paranoid that the 'plot' would fall back into place somehow. I'm just pointing out some things. I know that some people will go "Well in LP Jennette got her happy ending, and Athy didn't!!!" But that isn't true. Athy doesn't know what the ending is of LP, and we're shown through visions/dreams that LP certainly didn't have a happy ending. (The Empire burning down, Claude getting sick, etc). I can only really assume that has to do with Aeternatas. They both die a miserable death. We can assume that when Anastacius shows up in LP, like shown in the visions, Jennette realizes at some point she's been lied to her entire life by the people she loves. And then dies, though I'm not sure in what way, we just see the empire in fiery shambles after. Additionally - Claude never even loved Jennette, he just used her to cure his headaches. So Jennette never "stole" his love from Athy. In WMMAP, though, our girls both finally get their happy endings. Athy wins Claude's love, and becomes Crown Princess. Jennette finds happiness with her real father and gets to start over in Mieta, while also taking on her mother's green eyes - which I see as her making peace with the past she thought she knew, and no longer needing to hold onto the Imperial family. I really don't get it when people compare Athy and Jennette, in "who suffered more", or "who is better than who". Aside from WMMAP being a father-daughter story, I argue that it can also be seen as a story about 2 girls finding their happy endings.

(side note: controversial, but I always find myself feeling more bad for Jennette than I do Athy TvT I think it's because we only ever see LP!Athy's suffering from very far away, we rarely even see her face, and we usually just see our happy-go-lucky WMMAP!Athy. Meanwhile we see Jennette's hardships more closely, making me feel more bad for her. That's just how I feel tho!!)

I don't like putting two girls against each other in trauma olympics but if you want to insist one of them had it worse than the other, the answer should be Jennette and not Athy. Jennette was never loved for who she was, she had to witness the death of her family one by one until she was the only one left behind amidst the destruction of her home country to either die a violent death or become Aeternitas meat puppet, an accessory to his crimes and forced to witness him committing atrocities through her but powerless to stop him.

At least lp Athy had Lily, Jennette had no one. I feel like LP Athy was a lot freer too. LP Athy's lack of magic saved her from court intrigue and being used as a tool by greedy nobles wheras Jennette was manipulated from the start. Athy could pursue her own interests and these happened to align with the duties of an Empress, contrary to Jennette who never wanted to rule but was forced into intense studies to learn everything a princess should know.

I never fully understood why Athy didn't just tell Jennette the truth about her parentage. Leaving the part out that Jennette is a construct made of black magic, she could have at least told her Anastasius is her real father and warned her that if she revealed her identity, Claude might harm her. Lucas, as the magician of the tower, could confirm her words. Jennette would stop seeking him out and if Athy continued their friendship, Jennette's need for familial love would still be satisfied. They could have been both happy together. There were no advantages to keeping it a secret, only disadvantages and the risk she would lose Jennette's trust if she ever learned that Athy had deceived her.

[skayafair]

John, Lies and Trust, and the Dark World Pt.2

Part 1:

The Dark World

That's the part where I get very emotional for many reasons.

First time was bad enough to become what appears to be a life-long trauma and the worst nightmare John's terrified to death about. But THIS time he experienced a close bond with someone, learned what not being alone feels like, reshaped his mind to be more human-like... and lost all that. He was in the worst place in all the worlds, alone, again. Somewhere he'd give almost anything to never be. Unfamiliar horrors are one thing, but it's entirely different when you went through hell, know exactly how unbearable it is, and then you have to go through this again. Knowing how it would feel. This is devastating. And that's the first blow.

The second hit is that if I understand it correctly, ending up in the Dark World is fate worse than death because you cannot die there. As I get it, things there are already dead. So if a god - fine, a piece of a god, doesn't matter in this case, - ends up there, and gods are immortal, they have to endure this indefinitely, most likely forever, with no hope to escape. As if the very nature of the Dark World was not bad enough, the worst thing about being there this time was that it went on and on and on, the horrors didn't just happen one or a many times, they kept happening with no end in sight. Before there was at least a book. Now there was nothing. So no matter how long John held to his newfound principles and determination... anyone would run out of this eventually. I'm not surprised he rolled back to the old ways. By its description, the Dark World is not a nice and welcoming place. And, like I said, John wants to live and couldn't die there anyway, so he had to preserve what he could. He had to survive, and a survival mode is never pretty. We don't know what exactly he had to do there - on his own and for Kayne??? - but judging by the way he was in s3 I think we can confidently say one thing: he didn't enjoy any of it, and that's important. I'll get back to this later, but mention that Arthur in his survival mode is pretty terrible either.

Now we enter the territory of questions and assumptions, but still. I wondered if John had some hope - certainly not much, but some - that Arthur would get him out of there, like the first time? Or that when Arthur dies, they'll at least meet each other? John knows that together they can endure any horrors. Almost anything feels more bearable when you aren't alone in this. When it isn't lonely. But no one came. John was abandoned, completely, for good. @keykidpilipili mentioned how this situation with the Dark World is similar to Aqua's in KH, I went to watch the scenes with her and I think they really deliver exactly how unbearable this is and why. What makes me think I'm not just making things up is the fact that Arthur heard his voice during one of his first NDEs. What if it actually was John, calling from the Dark World, desperate for any glimpse of hope and companionship? Cry with me And then in s3 Arthur really says it. "How about we find each other if we end up there". Gods, my heart.

One last thing. Whatever happened there, however long it lasted, whatever John had to give up and lose there... he kept his promise. He never forgot his one and only friend, never stopped keeping him dear. And I think it's another important thing not only about John and how much his whole personality is built around being true and genuine, but also about their relationship.

Yes, to me John is about truth and not lies. His reationship with both is complicated, but... when one builds themselves up as they go, not knowing who they are yet, only exploring the concept and the limits, lies tend to really confuse them. John hates being misjudged, called by any other name than the one he chose himself, when others say things about him which are simply not true as if they knew better. He's going in a full rage mode immediately. Oh how much I understand you in this, pal. It's important for him to distinguish the truth - what actually is there, and about himself as well, - from lies, assumptions and illusions. Important to keep them apart.

But, again, when he's backed into a corner, he'd revert to lies as one of the escape means, hating every moment of it. It's a survival tactic for him - a bad one, but one of the most familiar as it seems, and therefore nearly automatic, like a knee jerk reflex. It's also the last resort.

[alicedash2]

THE LIFE OF YN IN THE BAND

( part 2/?)

Everything was going very well, the work, available time and a sufficient financial life

But what he didn't expect was that soon YN would meet someone else.

As 2D said goodbye, the day was already very good for the big fan, YN finished her shift, it was already getting dark and YN was responsible for closing the cafeteria, after closing and starting to walk the path to her house, YN was suspicious, the street was less crowded, practically empty of people and darker than usual

YN decided to walk a little faster, doing this, she realizes that there were some steps behind her that also accelerated, she turns her face and realizes that she was, being followed, by fright, the survival mode active and YN decides to run, but , straight to her house, which was not a good idea, as the stalker would know where she lived

But

YN wouldn't just run away

Upon entering, she takes a 38 caliber that was on the counter, when she takes it, YN thinks of taking it with her to work, for occasions like this

Okay, done that, YN leaves and begins the search for the stalker, who was now being chased by YN

- I'm not going to just run away and let him just do what he wants.- said the young woman, walking through the streets of the block, what made it difficult was not knowing exactly who it was, but even so the young woman didn't give up, until finally the find

But how?

Simple!

It was the pursuer's reaction, he was startled to see that the young woman was armed, and, remember when you said that there was practically no one there? So!

And it started, the two quickly began to run, this race was long

- you do not escape! - Said the young woman, ready to start shooting, but soon, there was a "click" in her head.

" Does not make sense "

Thought, she stopped slowly

- that's enough, I don't need to kill anyone -

She said to herself, but soon she heard a

- YOU PAY ME -

-hey- YN gets a slight jolt of reality

- that voice... It's very similar to Murdoc... well, it must be just a pervert -

- well, time to go home, I've done what I should have done -

YN patiently goes home to listen to her night songs before going to sleep.

°•°•°•°•°•°

And yes, it was Murdoc, upon hearing from 2D that he met a nice fan, but, it wasn't to pique interest in Murdoc, but, it so happened, Murdoc had asked where he met her, and 2D said, thinking it would come to nothing, though, it was just a singer-to-fan meeting

Murdoc enters the studio, tired and extremely scared and angry.

- that bitch!...- he complained

2D listened but didn't say anything, he knew what it was about

- what did you do, Murdoc? Russell approached.

- does not matter! - Murdoc was completely embarrassed, remembering the female figure running after him, ready to kill him, made him realize that he can't have exactly everything he wants

"That bitch scared me as fuck," Murdoc would say.

Until he realized

- this is very interesting!

- I will bring her here - Murdoc announced, having the attention of the blue haired boy

- you won't - Russell protested

- she only insisted on defending herself, you piece of shit - Russell said

- believe me, she will be a good lever here - Murdoc said with a devilish smile

- well...- 2D spoke, having Russell and Murdoc's attention

- will you agree with him?! Don't you remember how he got us into the band?! And if she digs herself hurt?- Russell spoke

- she'll be fine, she can be Noodle's friend, Noodle already knows her- 2D spoke

Russell looks at Murdoc, who just smiles at Russell

- I don't care, do what you want, you know the consequences -

Noodle arrives, smiling as usual, just seeing the situation and not understanding anything, 2D strokes Noodle's dark hair

[unproduciblesmackdown]

gotta go sicko mode Saying Things like so okay obviously thinking about oh boy the iconisography having a lot about people who are consciously crafting & telling stories for reasons & hoping to successfully communicate something to others that way, often through Music, theatre / some form of A Show, as ways of telling stories / communicating themselves, & then also just other ways of [this character is trying to Create A Story & then have it be Told successfully in ways they then Know succeeded]

& was focusing on the Show elements in how i really enjoy like knowing that lore about bloodsong originally having an entire second storyline where bsol was a show within the show & these were the people putting it on & there were Stakes to that, & the ways i think that of course still manifests b/c it was like yeah that might be too involved to produce but not just right to "scrap that & do this whole other thing with it" but "can you do what you were already doing in the One Storyline within the show" & that's what we get....but then like not just bookending the show with "here's everyone, not as their specific characters in this specific story, but more so Roles In Putting On This Story / Show / Experience" but having that be Last On Land which is this key point arguable heart of the show & penultimate song on Album as its own argument for how it's not Most Meaningful only relating to specific characters in a specific point of a specific story, but then also Everyone's A [The Musician] in this story too & that's relevant to the characters who are most Part of the genre conventions framework rather than more in the "real world" which, you know, pertinent to the strange man in last on land pointing out that the reality(tm) of his situation does not concern him, like, feeling that [how would the "real world" characters in the original idea for a full Second Storyline about the actors of the show within the show relate to the material in that show?] resonance there rather than like we're meant to think some characters particularly insist on a pretty encompassingly different version of reality (like, being in mexico at all, for one, with lo cocodrilo Within The BSOL World too rather than it just centering on / radiating from the musician or something but then meanwhile it's steve coming in with a clipboard & carol looking up steve's mother's address & all, firstnamed characters more In It having romantic names, eduardo, sofia), like instead this Genre Convention is a way of coordinating with the audience on the Perspectives of the most prominent characters &/or a Context For Their Experiences as outcasts to Outlaws with that ambient like [underdog fighting to survive ft. what puts them at odds w/others incl perhaps their ideals] of the spaghetti westernness invoked thusly. plus also feeling that Second "Real World" Storyline in this chili's tonight the way even role doubling in bsol has everyone in parts Similar to their most prominent one, the Helpful Observer role all doubles of The Narrator, sidekick to henchman, non princess parts ft. women who can't rise to the top, villain & mini villain

anyway that was an unplanned bsol tangent & i mean to focus in on And Besides All That, there's also the bit of Putting On A Show within the show thanks to the act two staging piece being the concert at the scorpion house, the entr'acte is lo cocodrilo rehearsing, the climax is such that i'm guessing the Actual Audience might be situated as in-universe audience to this show that has not gone as planned

which then leaping off of that like oh just like christmas extravaganza in that the actual audience is The Audience in the show, like joe is Joe in the show, like [any given actor] may be [as themself] in the show at any given point, a christmas musical pretending to be a concert....the off-year Save The Theater fundraising efforts where joe was saying oh in a way the christmas show is happening, just in real life, & so far no living chestnuts (who also put on a show within a show, everyone is Performing) like yeah & at the end every single person sings along & it snows inside 54 below & the entire audiences hugs & goes home, their clothes reeking of peppermint & happiness (as that script for a christmas show of yore described the end of the show)

then of course going "well & just like the black suits" where it's all about putting on the st. anne's battle of the bands Performance, with a prior public performance as that end of act one, but as john simpkins or joe iconis will tell you or the song It's All Good or any of the other songs it's also about what playing music meant to everyone individually but also Performing it in Any Way including together in the garage in rehearsals & it's also about life being out of their control but they try to deal with that through Performing Music & like what matters isn't that they Can & Do Definitely make it big or even figure out a way to stick together exactly how they want despite anything but like about What They've Had & What They Have Right Now in this right now still present moment in the show & what that's meant & means & will mean to them & like again to see the elements about characters Telling Stories through various mediums as Communicating as Coordinating On Understood Meaning like telling us behind the scenes oh they want to tell each other they love each other but can't / wouldn't do that through Saying It just like that, but that's still what they end up doing at the end of the show like Arghh oh & also joe comparing it like yeah this is about a garage band but i thought of it like being in rehearsals for a show with people & once that show is in performances & then Done like you don't have that anymore / it's different after that So Particular experience in a limited stretch of time

& then of course like rewrite doing this, it was Storytelling, in the nature of [see also: joe standalone songs] like even when it's more overtly telling you it's autobiographical / self insert etc to whatever degree it's still Telling A Story & Different from Not doing that, Not making a show or performance or etc, like joe saying yeah i always figure out how i relate to any character & am writing about myself to some degree & then even when it's the ones daring you like here i am the songwriter singing this song that's in first person about writing & singing songs like, still not Not different from Not telling a story, or as joe points out like yeah people will obviously home in on Those as [oh so like, directly unfiltered About You?] while he finds some of his songs written more clearly from A Character as being as or more overtly autobiographical

bmc like we do have a show within a show, we also have the character who is the Theatre Doer as that biggest part of who they are, the people trying it out for various reasons & what they get while also the antagonist is like well everything's a performance so what if everyone just gets on the same page, right? wouldn't we all get whatever we want (the black suits, bloodsong of love: No) & that The Play is that site of how like even if people Feel that is successful at all like most relevant to the plot events that will unfold the protagonist does not & doesn't wanna Larp oh we should be together with his crush & kindred spirit even as it's like, that doesn't mean ohh performance is artifice is the devil what with the inverse of this being like, bowling alley performance art? as Doing The Performance Together being different from Being the performance Together....bmc Based On Something (that does culminate Within a performance in the novel) & so is tuuhstm which is not really about a Musician or Theatremaker but well everything's a performance & perhaps a show & about a character's efforts in Telling A Story in various ways to various effects of various assessments of success

somehow the original idea here was to get around to going how i was like Hmm is there a Show within a Show esque element in love in hate nation & rotating the forbidden party in my mind but then it's like smack your forehead Of Course like speak of the bloodsong how about remember Opening on our main character, a the musician, who thinks of herself as a the musician, aspires to this, navigates life through this, is singing her song as a performance within this performance to herself & not sure herself &/or her music is good enough for herself & her life much less anything else....& then bookending this with the timeskip into A Performance, A Show within this show, wherein she's indeed this established Musician indeed playing for other people, navigating life, communicating things, expressing her ideas with her voice, & all the while This [A Show], This [A Performance] is so significant in the Form that it has, rather than being some More Artificial & Thus Lesser version of like having a face-to-face chat as the One Realest Best form of communicating, that it's obviously important that this reunion happens Through Hearing & Seeing this performance first, recognition that way, Reintroduction that way, sheila isn't tasked with Asap Interrupting or even feeling like all the performance is is an obstacle between her & the Proper reunion, all the while Being In The Audience is a real Part of that performance, it's part of all of it that susannah has fans, that she has this particular audience at this particular show, that sheila is in the audience even if she's not aware of that specific, oh i have to go this is my band, the documenter the photographer who still Tells A Story & Communicates in what they photograph & how & why & for whom, the cheering is just as important as the song, & it's not a mere Delay nor only significant for Susannah that this reunion is via Live Show, The Musician Performs, The Audience Attends & Experiences before having that face-to-face chat which isn't then some Mystery like oh will this be meaningful, oh what Exactly will they say? we already know Yes to the former b/c of their not yet mutually known to be Direct connection Through The Music & Show & Performance & Communication & the latter is not really significant to the Points of what we need to understand, which we already do, just like the black suits didn't need to end on a reprise live show as one last hurrah after they played the battle of the bands & it's all good & i love you & if/how Exactly they perform or interact beyond that doesn't Need to be known, re: The Important Points, maybe you can put the story about the characters who are in-universe actors into the other storyline

then plus also the whole thread about Your Musical Instrument is now Destringed / Confiscated & the extra significance of that & of choosing to try to get it back & of even if you realized you want to kiss along that relevant journey & then were thwarted big time by the antagonist who wants to Tell A Particular Story while also like well surely we can all get what we want if we perform correctly in the certain ways we must, why would you wanna be the same as all the people all the suckers making homes & planning parties feeding babies cleaning dishes serving Coffee, serving every man in sight a wonder bread & peanut butter, feeling dead but clearing clutter, your bed so cold & growing mold but it was sold to you at abraham & strauss, one of your spouse's favorite stores, & cuz it's his that means it's yours, you're a minion your opinion is worht less than an ordinary housecat, why you wanna be that?? like speaking of going "well i keep mentioning easy peasy queer readings of bsol through the villain & funny little sidekicks like suppose there's genre conventions at play there? but to beat that tangent back for another moment, it Is still also like, why do you, as a man, have this man as your narrative foil" & on this entire post like yeah probably fun to put any particular artist or creator or what have you's Works in conversation with each other but bsol & lihn feeling like a particularly lively one in this chili's tonight & it's like hmm sheila nail in conversation with [lo cocodrilo your foil is an Alternate You, fellow outcast & Yet] in conversation with "never heard nothing? lo cocodrilo?" in conversation with susannah son is different from the hero of bloodsong as lihn's villain differs from bsol's too & it's like. well holding off on that tangent another moment lol but it's a good time But, oh the musician separated from their imprisoned love & they lost their Musical Instrument even but it's time to Connect With Fellow Outcasts, compare & contrast masochist with last on land, the richness of the similarities & the differences alike (& unalike) & then like you don't Need that instrument, you don't even need to still be able to talk directly, Tap Out The Rhythm, ways that your art as a way you communicate can take these different forms perhaps b/c they have to & the interpretation & response is hoped for & matters but for now you just have to Put It Out There & Hope & aaaughh & again reuniting on that art just being put out there & the other avenues in which people are drawn to / respond to the same things align & wouldn't you know it

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

What if Paz I Quaritch's unborn child somehow survived? (The medics performed an immediate c-section or something, I don't know but it's fiction so let's assume it's possible) Would it have changed the situation and Quaritch wouldn't have decided to take justice on his own? Or what if he still ended up in prison? Would Spider and his siblings be separated or would they be in the system together? Would he kidnap both of them? Do you have any headcaninsabkut this second child? (I'm sorry that I overuse the word "child"but I don't know what gender they would be and English is not my first language so I don't know much about any synonyms)

Thank you for the question! I've actually had this thought before, because I think Spider would make a great big brother, and the whole dynamic of cabin in the woods would be changed in a really interesting way with the presence of a sibling.

So first, how there unborn child survived. Scientists are actually working on artificial womb technology right now. It's been a few year since I've read the article discussing this future tech but basically the baby grows in a pod and the parents can watch it grown. It's intended for couples that can't conceive naturally, or babies born premature. So all this to say it's not crazy for the child to survive via this tech. Because Paz was only just starting her second trimester when she was killed, so there was no way there second child would have survived without an artificial womb.

In this scenario Paz dies on impact (like in the original story) but the child isn't dead. It still has a heart beat when emergency services arrive so they extract it and put it into an artificial womb. Quaritch is still devastated and angry over the death of his wife, but he's also so thankful for the tech that allows him to save his second child. Since this tech would be fairly new, it's incredibly expensive, but Quaritch doesn't care. Quaritch is rich so money is no object. This is true of cabin in the woods too. He has a high paying job, never lived beyond his needs (cheep food, crappy apartment, never takes a sick/vacation day) and made smart investments so he's basically a millionaire by the time him and Paz get together and his fortune only grew after he got the $500,000 settlement for Paz's death.

In my Paz lives modern au I've said that I just like the idea of Quaritch and Paz accidently having a similar family dynamic to Jake and Neytiri so in my mind their second child would also be a boy. If it's just Quaritch picking the name, i feel like he would pick something strong, that makes you think of a fighter. Like Hunter.

Hunter Quaritch-Socorro would be born during the trial that decided the fate of his mother's killer. Quaritch would still be furious over the verdict but he's got a toddler and a newborn to put on a brave face for. He'd still eventually go after Paz's killer maybe half crazed from the sleep deprivation and stress that comes with taking care of two babies on your own, so yeah, he'd still go to prison.

It would be nice if Spider and his little brother could stay together but for the drama I'm going to say they are separated. Hunter is still an infant and so is easily adopted by a new family while Spider is stuck in the foster care system. He doesn't even remember having a brother by the time Quaritch kidnaps him.

The kidnaping of the Socorro brothers would have to be a well timed group effort with team deja blue. Quaritch would grab Spider in the same way, and Lyle would be in charge of grabbing Hunter.

The boys wake up in the cabin side by side on a bed, but not tied down. All the exit doors and windows are locked tight, and they both have ankle monitors on. Quaritch explains everything to them, using pictures and home movies as proof of everything. Spider easily accepts that the boy next to him is his brother and automatically goes into protective big brother mode. Hunter has a harder time accepting it. He had never been told that he was adopted. But it does make sense. He had never looked like a single person in his (adopted) family. And while he doesn't want to accept what's happening to him, it is plain to see. The boy next to him, his older brother, looks so much like him they could be twins if not for Hunter having dark hair like the woman in the family pictures, and blue eyes that look exactly like his kidnappers.

In this scenario I think Spider would actually be more receptive to Quaritch's brainwashing. He'd be incredibly bitter over the fact that his little brother was taken from him, given the stable home that Spider had always wanted, and worst of all that the brothers had been made to forget about each other. I think Hunter too, would be really mad that his adopted parents had kept so much from him. He'd be mad about being kidnapped too but at least his bio dad tells him the truth.

All in all after the boys come to terms with everything that's happening, as long as Quaritch is a half decent father to them, I think both boys would fall in line in favor of being a family.

[goldengrecha]

I love alt!Calliope and Ult!Dirk conflict, because they're similar in ways but so different in another.

Like, Dirk is always was about action. In homestuck alpha kids enters medium because of him, and even his relationships with Jake impact others (and basically starts trickster arc, lmao), and exactly him tolds about that alpha kids basically needs only waiting and they never was supposed to have some kind of action. (Funny thing: Calliope after her death is basically the same)

and he also can't stand his other versions and himself. (Funny thing that it's basically about ALL Dirk's. Dirk can't stand AR, then Ult!Dirk is very aggressive towards Dirk, and more and more and more).

His meat epilogue filled with actions, with some story. With some kind of actions, his epilogue has a storyline. He knows that reader is there, and reader is waiting something to happen, and he makes it happen. But no one osked what "something" reader is needed, right?

With another side, Alt!Calliope have a "meat" character too. She is cold, strong, confident and he took superiority over her brother. Despite that, when she meets her "weaker" version, and when she ask Alt!Calliope what she needs to do, she answer: "live." (Also, funny thing: when Ult!Dirk meets his "weaker" version he just freaks out and became even more control freak and he is even smile ONLY when Dirk "thinks" like he do.)

And in candy epilogue characters just.. Live. Of course almost every one have depression and etc (half joke ok. Does Earth C have a psychologists at all?), but they're live. No fight with Lord English, no questions and answers, they're just live, even if well.. Bad. But, as rose say, with this whole situation, "they have what to do."

And it's difference between them: when Dirk growed up in survival mode, he now can't just live. He doesn't know how to. He always needs something, and he make it. In meat epilogue everyone in action, or everyone who he choose to be. Trikster mode (that basically make you forget all your troubles and just have fun) doesn't affect him at all: he just can't. Because he is to busy with being himself.

And alt!Calliope growed up in survivale mode too, but she don't want this to others anymore. And in candy epilogue, characters, again, live, even if not so happy.

And with another other side, they're both have favoritism and neglect in their epilogues:

I know that candy epilogue writed with usual black text, but when you're imagining that it's writed by alien with red color text it makes some sense. Like, how Jane suddenly got Jake, and Jake even didn't care about Dirk that much (I know he could be just tired of him but... You know he can but alt!Calliope could increase that feeling like Ult!Dirk made Jake's affection towards him obsession with him.), how Roxy live happily even after her failures? And how Dave basically agreed to suicide to became ultimate self and davebot and guess who have a weakness toward Dave and our alien friend with red color text knows it? And how in meat epilogue davekat became canon because Dirk "helps" them too? How Dave basically became a Main Hero of that story? And Jake, who neglected by him.. I don't know at that one. It's could be a nice gesture, like "live how you want", because he isn't included in team that will go after Ult!Dirk to stop him, or it could be a truly neglect gesture. Sorry.

And also that's funny that Ult!Dirk in some moments talks to reader and in some way he "feed" reader (reader is reading thing - he awaits that something will happen.) With that he thinks we want or with that he wants. And alt! calliope is like just don't care about reader she just don't care

In the end I'm just laugh about how they're have similar base, but they're so different in the end, it's just funny. Is Paradox Space have a psychologist? Anyone? Huh. Not so good for them, I guess.

[sharoscylla]

1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 13, 14, 17, 19 for whoever comes to mind and seems most interesting/you want to talk about most with each question (feel free to do multiple also if you want!

Oooh, I'll run through a few OCs with this one. Under a cut because of the subject matter (abuse, child abuse, child neglect, child sexual abuse, incest, transphobia, uh... certainly other things, my OCs are going through it)

What memory would the OC rather forget: you know I realized I give a LOT of my OCs memory problems now that I look at this... let's do Ripley here, even though the act of becoming Ripley by default means that at 18 she forgets 80% of her life in one fell swoop and pretends that she forgets the other 20%. Like yeah, she wishes she could forget having been abused and abandoned by the one person she thought she could count on. She doesn't remember his name but she wishes she could forget that she just wasn't good enough for him, or their parents, or anyone else. She wishes she could forget that her mom treated her body like something she owned and could reshape and dress and undress and move. She wishes she could forget having spent most of her childhood desperately trying to please that woman and never understanding what she was doing wrong.

something about my OC people wouldn't expect from looking at them: for aleksei/oeddie, no matter what the setting, people don't expect him to be conversationally fluent in multiple languages. (part of that is because he usually looks like a big, rough biker-gang criminal/space pirate criminal, part of that is because the people who know him know he's illiterate and visibly treat him like he doesn't understand what's going on. in Humility it's just that he's a big out-of-fashion country boy shyly clinging to the person he came with... for like 3 centuries lmao)

my OC's fatal flaw+do they know about the flaw: I think a common flaw my OCs tend to have is a complete lack of faith in other people, to a certain extent. they're generally people who have been so badly hurt and used in their lives that they don't believe other people are even really capable of caring about or helping them when they need it, so they often just try to stick it out on their own when times are rough, even to the exclusion and hurt of the friends and family they do end up with. some versions of Kip, Ripley, and Grim end up with the inverse, where they're convinced that no matter how good or caring other people are, they're uniquely viscerally off-putting/spiritually sick in a way that makes people loathe, dislike, or ignore them. this tends to overlap with some pretty debilitating and intense mental illnesses though, so I'm not sure if it counts as a flaw in some cases.

5. how far is my OC willing to go to get what they want: it's really an interesting question because i think it kind of... illuminates that a lot of my OCs tend to be inserted into situations where they've been stuck in survival/reaction mode for so long they have a hard time conceptualizing wanting something beyond that. Cricket, Nal, and Ripley all want similar things for different reasons, and all end up questing to (and eventually, succeeding in) kill a god or gods, but they're in situations where the price for doing so - your own humanity and peace of mind - are worthless to them because of their damaged pasts. Aleksei very clearly wants Jonah M (not an OC lol) to love him, but isn't willing to accept that the price of Jonah M's love is either changing himself or changing Jonah M. Kip wants to be wanted by her parents, but in her refusal to accept the reality of who they are has adopted intense delusions about what would be necessary to gain their love and willingly destroys her own life, even to the point of trying to destroy her own personality and identity and disappearing off the face of the earth, just to do what she thinks is necessary to get the attention she needs to be valuable to them, despite the pretty clear evidence that nothing she will ever do will get them to care about her.

7. one way my OC has changed since I came up with them: this is a fun one actually. Ripley and Oeddie/Aleksei came from the same OC, Oedipus "Oeddie" Lastname (the last name changed for different settings,) which was a character that my 17 year old self did NOT know was a trans dude because my 17 year old self did not know, in 2003-2004, that this was an option for people. So a huge part of that character was "person who'd grown up extremely isolated with a pack of shitty brothers and no one else, who didn't know Girl was an option until escaping this family and who over-performed Girl as a way of denying childhood/past family roles despite loathing and resenting Girl." (not to get too deep into it, but the character was first developed for forum-based and IRC-based RP, so some settings I did get to play Oeddie 95% as "Boy who is going to get a big surprise the first time anybody actually sees him without a suit of power armor" and others I was told I did not have the option of playing an AFAB boy/man, so take it as you will lol.) Anyway, I made some significant changes to the Proto-Oeddie to create Gabriel Leonhardt, a big strong post-apocalyptic woman who was somewhat adopted by a gunslinger-type guy named John Leonhardt in a gladiator ring and eventually rescued by some of his fellow gunslingers just after she was forced to kill him. (You can see where Ripley came from, here, haha.) I adapted Gabe into Ripley because I watched Gravity Falls for the first time right after watching the kill bill movies for the 20th time, and i was seized with a vision. Ripley still really clearly has her roots in Proto-Oeddie, though. Oeddie/Aleksei now is just the exact same character with the exact same backstory except I, the writer, know trans people exist. Other than actually getting to be a man, there aren't very many changes to him at all, except like 6 or 7 years ago I decided he was a supertaster who would make a master chef with a little bit of training and encouragement. (And frankly, Nal is an expansion of Ripley - a fantasy/horror setting paladin that's a fusion of Ripley and Bea.)

13. if i met my OC, would the two of us get along: MOST OF MY OCs, YES, WE WOULD GET ALONG. Like, a lot of satellite OCs no, we would hate each other - people's parents and siblings, in most cases. The OCs that are kids typically wouldn't but only because by the nature of their wretched childhoods they don't tend to trust or like strange adults, but most of them would, in adulthood, get along fine with me.

14. how does my OC want to be seen by other characters: I think the overwhelming consensus is that my OCs want to be seen as worthy of love, or at least useful. Kam (visually impaired deer alien) wants to be seen as a vicious badass that's too tough to fuck with, partly because people have taken advantage of her in the past and partly because she's scared of what she does and who she is when pushed past the threshold of violence. Kam (grey jedi/sith/archaeologist) wants to be seen purely as an expert in her field, because an enormous amount of the grief in her life comes from people having punished or overlooked her for failing to meet their standards in areas she was not skilled or talented in. Something I'm having fun exploring with my florida turtle tmnt iteration is that Raph and Mikey specifically want to be seen as Normal Boys to the point that it's all they want.

17. what's the worst thing I have put my OC through, story-wise: oh my gosh. was it Natashoggoth sinking her tongue into Ripley's brain and showing her that Ford doesn't need her the way she needs him? Was it Kip and Jo screaming on the pavement, Jo holding Kip back because there's no way their three best friends/bandmates/the loves of their lives survived that fiery bus crash? was it space!Oeddie pinned to the ground as his brother destroyed his right hand and bit a chunk out of his left ear as he screamed that nobody was going to take Oeddie away again?

19. how does my OC behave when enraged: it's hard to say! like. the vast majority of my OCs have backgrounds as abused, neglected children whose emotional responses were brutally policed and who were often at the whim of people whose anger was a capricious, terrifying thing. A lot of these characters bottle up or stifle their anger, beating it down as a form of self harm, until they explode or lash out. Ripley is probably one of the healthier ones here, in that she's been trained to use her anger as a sort of stubborn survivalist motivator in most situations. Though sometimes her anger tips over into single-minded destruction, self-harm, and often arson, it was specifically her human rage at seeing Bill inhabit Ford for even a few seconds that drove her to bodyslam Bill/Ford into a literally infinite pit of magical fire.

[vtori73]

Got to say... as an extra addition to my other recent posts on the subject it really seems to me that a lot of anarchists and communists don't actually operate from a place of empathy for others and more so from political theory and of course if the person is similar enough for them to relate to.

Rude assumption? Ngl I'm not at all sorry about it, I've seen too many unempathetic individuals who are supposedly in these spaces. I mean... if you're SERIOUSLY arguing with someone who literally cannot provide for themselves and relies on others to survive and your priority in this situation is with the worker who is NO MATTER WHAT is going to be more able-bodied than the person who literally cannot get up or do barely anything because guess what? YOU NEED TO BE PRETTY DECENTLY ABLE-BODIED TO WORK!!! "Oh but the poor worker could very well be disabled," ...okay? Obviously not enough to be unable to work??? Like... what is the point here, to pit disabled people against one another? How does that help anyone? I mean... whenever I see this type of stuff done it's usually either by bigots and similar soooooo.... again, why EXACTLY are you doing this, and for who? Because again, this seems more about a hypothetical worker than about an actual marginalized individual whose actual enemy is their workplace/capitalism and you know... not the other disabled person!

It's ALSO almost seems like you're trying to say that disabled people who literally can't work are more privileged because they can't (not don't, CANT) work... but that would be such a ridiculous asinine regressive thing to believe, wouldn't it? I mean you can't be THAT ignorant to the harsh realities for people who are more severely disabled... although it would make a lot of sense & would make y'all seem more ignorant than just unempathetic and cruel. Don't get me wrong both are still bad but at least I can feel a little hope if you're just ignorant, because otherwise you really don't sound at all that different to me from the conservatives then.

I know some probably believe they're privileged because they wouldn't be able to use any of the stuff they argue is unethical & anti-worker and that it makes them "class traitors," but please... PLEASE... USE SOME FUCKING CRITICAL THINKING HERE. What do you think happens to these disabled people who can't move enough to take care of themselves and who have no one they can go to due to whatever reason but especially financial... WHAT exactly do you think happens to them???? Do you think they just magically with will power and determination are able to become more able-bodied and thus able to do all the things they need to do to survive because of it and then become these hypothetical disabled worker y'all are so concerned about??? Yeah... hate to (actually I don't, I LOVE to because fuck yall) burst your bubble but that's not how it works and I shouldn't HAVE to connect the dots for you all but many disabled people have had/tried to so when I say this I'm just repeating what I've heard from LISTENING to them... they would die, if they are in those kind of positions they die because... what do you expect to fucking happen, if you can't fucking cook how do you survive if you can make money how the fuck do you even BUY food or other necessities???? HUH????????

They aren't able to go outside LET ALONE ONLINE to advocate for themselves because they are in survival mode, and the reason why you are able to see them, what you consider "privileged," is because of that stuff, sure it means they are better off than the disabled people who don't have access or support to anything or anyone but... THEY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO ADVOCATE FOR THEMSELVES OR EVEN ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you all trying to say you aren't going to believe their struggles and hardships because they're actually able to speak up for themselves unlike the ones who can't? Or maybe you all are really just full-blown eugenists and don't believe they deserve to live because you consider them lesser than or not people and that other people shouldn't have to care about/for them.

Well... which is it? Either way, regardless I can't help but see a lot of you as nothing more than shitty eugenists which makes not much better than the average person but idk I would expect better from people supposedly wanting to create a better society.

OH and I just thought of something else... I wouldn't be surprised if some of y'all also react so negatively to disabled people because yall feel personally attacked because you probably have done something that you thought was merely just an inconvenience but now realize it was very likely something more that & could have even put that disabled person's life in danger due to your sheer ignorance but instead of sitting with that guilt and learning from it you instead decided to run away and go on the offense and make disabled people the problem. Pretty cowardly if you ask me, and I got to say I have a HARD time seeing cowards like that actually be able to stand for anything or make changes to society but I mean... wdik?

(I haven't gotten any sleep, so this is what it is, I'm not a writer so f off)

[steamishot]

gap months

this transition period (saying bye to one city and planning for a big move home with a partner) has been bringing up a lot of feelz. it's been making me ponder on the importance of this on our relationship and what it really means to build a life with someone. there's also some sadness mixed with "really ready to GTFO" feelings as we have this countdown.

with matt going to jury duty for 4 weeks, he hasn't stepped foot in the hospital for 12 days at this point, and won't have to for another 10 days. i love this for him (he's well rested and has time to discover things outside of work), but i'm also irritated at the fact that it means he's home a LOT. the small living situation has really been grating on me. we've been trying to change our habits to spend more time outside of the apartment. on this point, we have officially submitted our notice to vacate, and they have put our apartment back on the market for $1k more per month. a 542 sq ft studio going for a whopping ~$3650/mo.

there has been a lot of chaos, conflict and stress in this past year with the job hunt and start of attendinghood for matt. the last 4 years were basically spent in survival mode, in residency, early attendinghood, and an intense cross country job search. it's now about a month since he signed for pasadena. i felt like we spent this entire time just crashing and recovering from all the demands. we're learning how to live more mindfully and peacefully now that there isn't constant chaos. i welcome this move as a fresh start.

moving logistics: i have narrowed down the moving companies to one that i like. they only do moves between LA/SF and NYC. our quotes ranged from $5k-9k with packing and unpacking services. our tesla was picked up and looks great.

apartment search: with relocation benefits, our flights and lodging to look for an apartment will be covered. therefore, we will be in LA for a week early aug to try to lock something in. i've been searching on zillow rent for 2 bedroom apartments. it's good practice to get a feel of the neighborhood, but we mostly cannot act on anything until it's <1 month before move in. we have decided not to go the "luxury apartment" route and instead go with smaller companies. i'm really, really excited to live outside of a shoebox.

edit: we are scratching the aug trip to LA, and instead using the funds to pay for an airbnb in september while we apartment search for an oct 1 move in date.

work: the lady i am training is pretty darn slow. although it really tests my patience to train her, i am enjoying the more human interaction i'm having at work and practicing my teaching skills. this is the first time since starting at UCLA that i have trained anyone for a previous position.

saying bye: it's continuously been a weird and sad feeling knowing i'm leaving. familiar faces at places we frequent (coffee shops, yoga instructors, restaurants) we won't see anymore. landmarks that we will say bye to. i don't really have an inclination to hang out with friends anymore because *the end* is coming. at the same time, if i could, i would rip the band-aid off.

relaxation: the last vacation we'll have on the east coast will be at the berkshires next weekend. we are in real need of a nature getaway. jury duty time has also been a blessing, and matt will have 1.5 months off in between his jobs. it's basically the first time in ~5 years not being tied to the hospital for this long.

friends: my mostly digital friend K decided to break it off with her partner R. although this breakup seemed to be easier to do than her previous relationship, she mentioned feeling really scared that she's just unable to make a romantic relationship work with anyone. T and i have been having similar feelings about NYC. the last two times i returned here, i was upset and cried. i described a sense of general unhappiness here. she just left a month long trip in vietnam and mentioned feeling stressed at the idea of returning to the city.

[doberbutts]

I am now almost finished with my 100 hour initial playthru of FF7 Rebirth and things to note:

Remember how I said Cloud is scared of himself and is terrified that he can't figure out where he ends and where Someone Else begins? Do you know that I fistpumped the air when he said that ALMOST LITERALLY WORD FOR WORD in a bearing of souls with Tifa, in-game? Hey hey, correct character analysis ftw

Not sure if it's just because of the dialogue options I choose but I do think this game is significantly more ClouTi focused than the original, with (so far) less SefiKura. I think that it's narratively telling me that Cloud's "feelings" for Aerith are largely because he's got himself mixed up with Zack, who is more blatantly head-over-heels for Aerith than in the original where it was somewhat ambiguous whether he would have stayed with her If Only everything didn't happen. And that more accurately IF he were to be romantically interested in someone, it would probably be Tifa, if he could figure out how to trust both himself and others again.

This is interesting because the original game left it much more ambiguous on whether he would have at all, and we older fans know that in the series follow-ups he's still single, moody, and refuses to let anyone get close despite having formed a little family with Tifa. It's very QPR in Advent Children- a lot of signals that even when he is home at Seventh Heaven, their relationship is still more that of roommates and old friends than anything else. She's comfortable inviting herself into his space whether to have a heart-to-heart or to rip him a new one, but he is not comfortable staying there long-term. He wants to connect with her, but he stops himself from getting too close. He says it's to protect her from his more volatile moods. She tells him she's survived them thus far.

And it's interesting to see that play out in perspective in Rebirth, especially with the Weapon scene. Also whew Tifa you are the unsung hero of this story. My God girl you are tolerant af almost to a dangerous point. I know I know she's technically doing it right because you're not supposed to try to break the delusion (especially considering how Cloud gets once he figures it out in the OG, and the fact that he's now attacked and threatened her multiple times when she suggests maybe something isn't real), but the amount of "biting her tongue to keep the peace" I keep seeing her do is astounding.

And maybe it's because I was a kid when I played the OG and now I'm an adult with more experience, but... I have friends and friends-of-friends who are in similar... situationships. A friend of mine is good friends with a moderately famous former actor, who no longer acts due to extreme mental illness and disability. Said friend-of-friend has a very similar dynamic with a friend of *his*, and that friend's husband, where he lives with them and is a fairly constant satellite in their marriage despite no actual romance or sexual intimacy going on, and struggles to find a balance of letting them in so he can enjoy social relationships and shutting them out to protect them from when the paranoia and hallucinations turn on panic fight-or-flight mode.

The difference is that this is a real person, and not a video game character, and real people are messier and more nuanced than 200 collective hours of gaming experience. But my point is that knowing what I know now, knowing similar real life situations even by proxy, I can understand why Cloud is characterized the way he is. I see a lot of my friend-in-law in him, which makes me think the story team did extensive research on mental illness and specifically trauma before re-imagining this world.

Girl help antis found out that people ship Sephiroth and Cloud and are being very annoying about it in the fandom tags

[memes-saved-me]

I read your other anon about what billy represents and people not getting it. The whole time I was watching s2 I was wondering wtf his deal was, he didn't make any sense to me but the way he was introduced led me to believe he was supposed to be more than just a random bully. So then the scene with the dad happened and I was just like OH. I didn't see it coming but in those two minutes EVERYTHING about him suddenly made sense. His situation was creepily similar to my own (in the past, I'm fine now), and suddenly I related to and understood him like no other character ever before and I was genuinely shocked when I saw so many people hating him (I only got into st this year in like April). Because yes, canonically he's an absolute asshole and I don't excuse his actions, but there's a world of difference between an excuse and an explanation???? What always gets me is when people are like "he deserved it (the abuse/posession/death)", and I can't help but project and think that yeah he probably would agree with that in some way or the other and it just hurts. Idk if it's possible to live in such a situation and not have serious self esteem issues but it's just.. How do people look at someone very obviously (to the viewer) being abused and not have an ounce of compassion? Or the critical thinking skills to realise his behaviour has got to be closely tied to his situation? I believe what people often don't get or even think about is what this kind of abuse does to your overall mental state, that it's a lot more than ""just" getting pushed around once in a while". And then I get mad that billy was robbed of everything he could have become had he just been given a second chance. Sorry for this essay, I just have a lot of thoughts and opinions on him

Yes 100%! Also Billy probably has ptsd which can be weird af to deal with. Personally I can't be around agitated or drunk adults, mostly men and when I'm around that I find myself running away before I even know it. You sort of go into survival mode subconsciously and can't get out of it until you're away from whatever set it off. Its not always a sort of episode black out moment like in movies, its a "Okay I need to get out of here" or a "Right how do I take control of this situation I'd normally be controlled in" which for Billy is definitely when he turns up at the Byers knowing if he doesn't get Max home he's in trouble.

I'm glad you're away from that now! And yes when I saw that scene it clicked and I have never understood or seen myself in a character more than Billy. Ever. I really don't understand the unreasonable hate for him. I get that he's very unlikeable and that's fine. But saying he deserved to be abused and killed is fucked up especially considering how many abuse victims see themselves in him and even use him to process shit.

^ this. Billy probably hates himself more than any anti does. Vecna used him against himself instead of anyone else who scared him. Billy has low self esteem so uses his looks to get what he wants and to get attention. That boy is lonely and has no one yet people say he's just a dick who deserved death? Doesn't sit right with me.

How many abuse victims started to continue the cycle of abuse before stopping and growing? Billy was 18. Barely an adult and died before he could change. That isn't "a villain getting what he deserves", that is a tragedy

[trafalgaylaw]

Hey there.

First of all, I'm sorry I've haven't been here in ages. A lot has happened. So I'd like to apologise in advance for the rant that's coming, but somehow, this is the safest place for me to get everything out of my system. Feel free to ignore and hide this post, there is no pressure on you to respond, I'm not looking for interactions specifically, I just need an outlet. Some stuff may be triggering, but there'll be warnings here and in the tags, don't worry about that. I'm embarrassed, I was absent for several months and I don't even come back with a OP related post.

Without further ado, trigger warnings: cancer, death

Some of you may already know that I lost my Mom to cancer 5 years ago. Well, back in May of this year, I lost my dad to a cancer as well. I thought it was going to be the same all over again. Boy, was I wrong. Sure, there were a lot of similarities, but mostly major differences. Mom had no chance of survival, we knew from the start. She got into treatment against her will because my sister-in-law was pregnant and she was afraid that if my Mom died before she gave birth she might lose the baby... My Mom's will was never taken into consideration. She didn't want to fight windmills, she didn't have any regret and she was okay with the idea of dying.

For my dad, it was the total opposite. He wanted to live so bad, he didn't want to die and wanted to try absolutely everything. His survival chances were anywhere between 4 months and 5 years, we were on rollercoasters, treatments working and then not working anymore, promises of experimental treatments only to be told 3 months later that they couldn't get his full genetic profile and couldn't be sure if he could undergo the treatment. It happened 3 times. He wanted to try a last chemo but the doctors denied him it because he was already too weak to take it.

The other main difference, is that Mom's cancer didn't change her personality, but it did change my dad's. The problem is, except for my fiancé who noticed as well, no one believed me. I don't want to know if they were in denial or if he specifically changed his attitude towards me but I think the latter is more likely as I was the only one he lied to about the epilepsy.

When Mom was sick, I was incredibly surrounded and got flooded by support when she passed.

The moment dad got sick, I started getting blamed and questioned for almost everything, and I'm still receiving comments now. I got blamed for:

- not being there while my dad, who lived over 900km (convert in miles yourself weirdos, I'm french, we do metric system round here) away from me and didn't want my physical presence anyway, was having seizures, that he hid from me

- the fact that my dad chose to lie to me about his state (somehow my fault apparently)

- the fact that my brain put me in autopilot mode in the first weeks following his death to protect me and take care of all the immediate responsibilities as I was getting practically no help

- not holding a funeral while 80% of his close relatives literally said to me "if you do something I won't come"

- collapsing after 2 months

I'm being told to move on. I'm being told to force myself to feel happy. In the 5 years my Mom has been dead, I've never been told to "move on". All the guilt tripping lead me to feel ashamed of my grief and unauthorised to talk about it. They've taken the trust away from me. It's like I'm not allowed to remember him. I can't even look at pictures of him anymore, I just can't. And it makes me feel so sad. You would expect compassion and all you get is criticism. While I'm crying about losing my last pillar, all people hear is "there's no experimented adult left to protect her" and that is terrifying. I'm scared of almost everyone and not sure anymore who is safe to talk to. I'm afraid that if I talk about it, people will try to take advantage of my situation. Is because people think I'm an adult and don't need parents anymore? Is the difference of support I got because of patriarchy in the way we view mothers and fathers? Is it because I'm 25 and people's attitude change towards you at that age because they begin to expect specific things from you and call it your "quarter life crisis" to create a diversion about their peer pressuring? Is people's lack of compassion because they think he "provoked" it by smoking most of his life? Is it a combo of all this?