#Also known as: 'when delusion becomes reality'

[ifollowmagicalrivers]

‘a cross in poetry, born from the same story’

intertwined, interlaced, interconnected

When delusion becomes reality...

'come along, the water's great, jump in, we're all mad here' - Taylor Swift on Jimmy Fallon (2021)

You could’ve warned us that the risk is drowning though.

Asking for a friend how many tortured poets does your department roughly have, Taylor?

...that’s just how it works. that’s how you get the girl. imgonnagetHERback.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Heey, hope this finds you well! Can you make writing notes about psychoses? I'm really interested about writing about my OC's mental state, thanks!

Writing Notes: Psychosis

Defining "Psychosis"

Psychosis - a collection of symptoms that affect the mind, where there has been some loss of contact with reality. During an episode of psychosis, a person’s thoughts and perceptions are disrupted and they may have difficulty recognizing what is real and what is not.

The 3 Main Symptoms of psychosis are:

hallucinations – where a person hears, sees and, in some cases, feels, smells or tastes things that do not exist outside their mind but can feel very real to the person affected by them; a common hallucination is hearing voices

delusions – where a person has strong beliefs that are not shared by others; a common delusion is someone believing there's a conspiracy to harm them

disordered thinking and speaking - a person's thoughts and ideas come very quickly, which can make their speech fast and confusing

The combination of hallucinations and delusional thinking can cause severe distress and a change in behaviour.

Experiencing the symptoms of psychosis is often referred to as having a psychotic episode.

Psychosis occurs when a person loses contact with reality. The person may:

Have false beliefs about what is taking place, or who one is (delusions)

See or hear things that are not there (hallucinations)

It is an abnormal mental state involving significant problems with reality testing.

Characterized by serious impairments or disruptions in the most fundamental higher brain functions:

perception,

cognition and cognitive processing, and

emotions or affect

as manifested in behavioral phenomena, such as:

delusions,

hallucinations, and

significantly disorganized speech

Psychosis is most likely to occur in young adults and is quite common.

Around 3 out of every 100 young people will experience a psychotic episode.

Most make a full recovery from the experience.

Psychosis can happen to anyone.

An episode of psychosis is treatable, and it is possible to recover.

It is widely accepted that the earlier people get help the better the outcome.

25% of people who develop psychosis will never have another episode, another 50% may have more than one episode but will be able to live normal lives.

Some people who develop psychosis may need ongoing support and treatment throughout their lives.

Historically: psychosis referred to any severe mental disorder that significantly interferes with functioning and ability to perform activities essential to daily living.

First Episode Psychosis

Refers to the first time someone experiences psychotic symptoms or a psychotic episode.

People experiencing a first episode may not understand what is happening.

The symptoms can be highly disturbing and unfamiliar, leaving the person confused and distressed.

Unfortunately, negative myths and stereotypes about mental illness and psychosis in particular are still common in the community.

A psychotic episode occurs in 3 phases. The length of each phase varies from person to person:

Phase 1: Prodome (psychosis syndrome)

The early signs may be vague and hardly noticeable. There may be changes in the way some people describe their feelings, thoughts and perceptions, which may become more difficult over time. Each person’s experience will differ and not everyone will experience all of the following "common signs":

Reduced concentration

Decreased motivation

Depressed mood

Sleep disturbance

Anxiety

Social withdrawal

Suspiciousness

Deterioration in functioning

Withdrawal from family and friends

Odd beliefs/magical thinking

[Magical thinking - the belief that events or the behavior of others can be influenced by one’s thoughts, wishes, or rituals. Magical thinking is typical of children up to 4 or 5 years of age, after which reality thinking begins to predominate.]

Phase 2: Acute

The acute phase is when the symptoms of psychosis begin to emerge.

It is also known as the "critical period."

Clear psychotic symptoms are experienced, such as hallucinations, delusions or confused thinking.

During this phase, the person experiencing psychosis can become extremely distressed by what is happening to them or behave in a manner that is so out of character that family members can become extremely concerned and may start to seek help. Before this stage the individual may have been experiencing a more gradual decline.

Phase 3: Recovery

With effective treatment most people will recover from their first episode of psychosis and may never have another episode.

It is important to remember that psychosis is a treatable condition and if help is sought early, an individual may never suffer another episode.

Initially, some of the symptoms that are apparent in the acute phase may linger in the recovery phase but with appropriate treatment most people successfully recover and return to their normal, everyday lives.

Some Symptoms of Psychosis

A person with psychosis may have any of the following:

Disorganized thought and speech

False beliefs that are not based on reality (delusions), especially unfounded fear or suspicion

Hearing, seeing, or feeling things that are not there (hallucinations)

Thoughts that "jump" between unrelated topics (disordered thinking)

What does psychosis look like? Responding to things, losing track of thoughts, appearing frightened or being very sure of things which don’t seem to be true, some people are more withdrawn, or their personality seems different. Big changes in behaviour and ability to do their usual activities.

Each person who experiences psychosis will have a unique experience and combination of symptoms, which may include:

Hearing, seeing, smelling, feeling or tasting things that other people don’t (sometimes called hallucinations)

Feeling unsafe and that people are working against you, or trying to harm you

Believing that you have special powers or abilities

Noticing patterns or feeling that things have a special significance for you (such as believing a famous song has been written about you or an event in the news has been caused by you)

Finding it hard to follow conversations, getting muddled in your thoughts or when speaking

Feeling that your thoughts have been removed or tampered with, or that someone else is in control of your body

Some people also become quite withdrawn and experience loss of motivation and emotions

When experiencing psychosis, people often struggle with their relationships, daily activities, school or work.

Some people, when told they have psychosis, worry that they might have a long-term mental illness like schizophrenia.

It’s important to know that psychosis can happen for all sorts of different reasons and having an episode doesn’t necessarily mean that you will have another or that you will have a long-term problem.

Psychotic symptoms typically include changes in thinking, mood and behavior. Symptoms vary from person to person and may change over time. Some of the more characteristic symptoms can be grouped into 5 categories:

Confused Thinking: Thoughts become muddled or confused. The person may not make sense when speaking. The person may have difficulty concentrating, following a conversation or remembering things. His or her mind may race or appear to be processing information in slow motion.

False Beliefs: False beliefs, known as delusions, are common. The person can be so convinced of the reality of their delusion that no amount of logical argument can dissuade them. For example, they may believe the police are watching them, or they might think they are receiving special messages from the television, radio or newspaper.

Hallucinations: In psychosis, the person sees, hears, feels, smells or tastes something that is not actually there. For example, they may hear voices which no one else can hear, or see things which aren’t there. Things may taste or smell as if they are bad or even poisoned.

Changed feelings: How someone feels may change for no apparent reason. They may feel strange and cut off from the world. Mood swings are common and they may feel unusually excited or depressed. A person’s emotions feel dampened and they may show less emotion to those around them.

Changed behavior: People with psychosis may behave differently from the way they usually do. They may be extremely active or lethargic. They may laugh inappropriately or become angry or upset without apparent cause. Often, changes in behavior are associated with the symptoms already described above. For example, a person believing they are in danger may call the police. Someone who believes he is Jesus Christ may spend the day preaching in the streets. A person may stop eating because they are concerned that the food is poisoned, or have trouble sleeping because they are scared.

The symptoms of psychosis are often categorized as either “positive” or “negative.”

Positive symptoms are those that add to or distort the person’s normal functioning. They include:

delusions (false beliefs that are firmly held and are out of keeping with the person’s culture)

hallucinations (hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling or feeling something that is not actually there)

disorganized speech, thoughts or behaviour (e.g., switching rapidly between subjects in speaking; finding it hard to concentrate or follow a conversation; being unable to complete everyday tasks).

Negative symptoms involve normal functioning becoming lost or reduced. They may include:

restricted emotional and facial expression

restricted speech and verbal fluency

difficulty with generating ideas or thoughts

reduced ability to begin tasks

reduced socialization and motivation.

Other symptoms may include:

cognitive symptoms, such as difficulties with attention, concentration and memory

mood changes

suicidal thoughts or behaviours

substance abuse

sleep disturbances.

Possible Causes of Psychosis

Medical problems that can cause psychosis include:

Alcohol and certain illegal drugs, both during use and during withdrawal

Brain diseases, such as Parkinson disease and Huntington disease

Brain tumors or cysts

Dementia (including Alzheimer disease)

HIV and other infections that affect the brain

Some prescription drugs, such as steroids and stimulants

Some types of epilepsy

Stroke

Psychosis may also be found in:

Most people with schizophrenia

Some people with bipolar disorder (manic-depressive) or severe depression

Some personality disorders

Assessment

Psychiatric evaluation and testing are used to diagnose the cause of the psychosis. Laboratory testing and brain scans may not be needed, but sometimes can help pinpoint the diagnosis. Tests may include:

Blood tests for abnormal electrolyte and hormone levels

Blood tests for syphilis and other infections

Drug screens

MRI of the brain

Clinician-Rated Dimensions of Psychosis Symptom Severity. The American Psychiatric Association is offering a number of “emerging measures” for further research and clinical evaluation.

These patient assessment measures were developed to be administered at the initial patient interview and to monitor treatment progress.

They should be used in research and evaluation as potentially useful tools to enhance clinical decision-making and not as the sole basis for making a clinical diagnosis.

Treatment

Depends on the cause of the psychosis.

Care in a hospital is often needed to ensure the person's safety.

Antipsychotic drugs, which reduce hallucinations and delusions and improve thinking and behavior, are helpful.

Psychosis can prevent people from functioning normally and caring for themselves.

Left untreated, people can sometimes harm themselves or others.

Prevention depends on the cause. For example, avoiding alcohol prevents psychosis caused by alcohol use.

Coordinated specialty care consists of multiple components:

Individual or group psychotherapy is tailored to a person’s recovery goals. Cognitive and behavioral therapies focus on developing the knowledge and skills necessary to build resilience and cope with aspects of psychosis while maintaining and achieving personal goals.

Family support and education programs teach family members about psychosis as well as coping, communication, and problem-solving skills. Family members who are informed and involved are more prepared to help loved ones through the recovery process.

Medication management (also called pharmacotherapy) means tailoring medication to a person’s specific needs by selecting the appropriate type and dose of medication to help reduce psychosis symptoms. Like all medications, antipsychotic medications have risks and benefits. People should talk with a health care provider about side effects, medication costs, and dosage preferences (daily pill or monthly injection).

Supported employment and education services focus on return to work or school, using the support of a coach to help people achieve their goals.

Case management provides opportunities for people with psychosis to work with a case manager to address practical problems and improve access to needed support services.

How well a person does depends on the cause of the psychosis.

If the cause can be corrected, the outlook is often good. In this case, treatment with antipsychotic medicine may be brief.

Some chronic conditions, such as schizophrenia, may need lifelong treatment with antipsychotic drugs to control symptoms.

Early Intervention

Research has found that early intervention is beneficial for patients and loved ones for the following reasons:

Less treatment resistance and lower risk of relapse

Reduced risk for suicide

Reduced disruptions to work or school attendance

Retention of social skills and support

Decreased need for hospitalization

More rapid recovery and better prognosis

Reduced family disruption and distress

A person will often show changes in their behavior before psychosis develops. Behavioral warning signs for psychosis include:

Suspiciousness, paranoid ideas, or uneasiness with others

Trouble thinking clearly and logically

Withdrawing socially and spending a lot more time alone

Unusual or overly intense ideas, strange feelings, or a lack of feelings

Decline in self-care or personal hygiene

Disruption of sleep, including difficulty falling asleep and reduced sleep time

Difficulty telling reality from fantasy

Confused speech or trouble communicating

Sudden drop in grades or job performance

Alongside these symptoms, a person with psychosis may also experience more general changes in behavior that include:

Emotional disruption

Anxiety

Lack of motivation

Difficulty functioning overall

In some cases, a person experiencing a psychotic episode may behave in confusing and unpredictable ways and may harm themselves or become threatening or violent toward others. The risk of violence and suicide decreases with treatment for psychosis, so it is important to seek help. If you find that you are experiencing these changes in behavior or notice them in a friend or family member and they begin to intensify or do not go away, reach out to a health care provider.

IN TEENS OR YOUNG ADULTS. Before having clear symptoms of psychosis, a teen or young adult often experiences distressing changes in thoughts and emotions. They might:

believe something odd is going on with them, or feel confused about what is real or imaginary

feel singled out, watched, or not fully in control of their thoughts

report changes in perception, such as their eyes or ears playing tricks, hearing jumbled, incomprehensible voices, or seeing shadows or figures in the corners of their eyes

ask for help in trying to make sense of unsettling experiences like these.

Programs specializing in psychosis risk aim to reach out to these individuals.

Recognizing the early signs of psychoses are important in order to get appropriate treatment as early as possible. Early symptoms of psychosis may include, but are not limited to:

odd or bizarre behavior

changes in thinking or speech

decrease in personal hygiene

social withdrawal

preoccupation with a particular topic

marked changes in emotion

Other, more obvious symptoms may include: 

extreme suspicion of others,

paranoia, 

auditory or visual hallucinations,

delusions and odd, irrational beliefs.

Psychosis is often stigmatized and misunderstood, which can get in the way of getting help. But research has shown that three-quarters of people who do get effective help early can experience relief from their symptoms.

For people who show signs of a possible psychosis, sometimes called "attenuated psychosis syndrome," only about one-third go on to develop a full-blown psychosis. However, they usually have symptoms of depression and anxiety, which can benefit from treatment.

Psychosis as a Symptom

A number of mental illnesses can include psychosis as a symptom, including:

Schizophrenia: A person has some psychotic symptoms for at least 6 months, with a significant decline in the ability to function.

Schizophreniform disorder: A person has some psychotic symptoms for more than one month and less than 6 months.

Bipolar disorder: With this type of illness, the symptoms of psychosis relate more to mood disturbance than to thought disturbance.

Schizoaffective disorder: A person will have symptoms of schizophrenia and, at some point in the course of illness, concurrent symptoms of a mood disturbance.

Depression with psychotic features: A person has severe depression and symptoms of psychosis without the mania associated with bipolar disorder.

Drug-induced psychosis: The use of drugs such as cannabis, cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine, LSD, amphetamines and alcohol can sometimes cause psychotic symptoms.

Organic psychosis: Sometimes, symptoms of psychosis may appear as a result of a physical illness or a head injury.

Brief psychotic disorder: This type of psychosis usually lasts less than a month. It is sometimes triggered by a major stress in the person's life, such as a death in the family.

Delusional disorder: This type of psychosis consists of very strong, fixed beliefs in things that are not true, without the presence of hallucinations.

Psychotic Disorder - any of a number of severe mental disorders, regardless of etiology, characterized by gross impairment in reality testing. The accuracy of perceptions and thoughts is incorrectly evaluated, and incorrect inferences are made about external reality, even in the face of contrary evidence. Specific symptoms indicative of psychotic disorders are delusions, hallucinations, and markedly disorganized speech, thought, or behavior; individuals may have little or no insight into their symptoms. Some examples of psychotic disorders are schizophrenia, schizophreniform disorder, schizoaffective disorder, delusional disorder, brief psychotic disorder, and psychotic disorders due to a substance (see substance-induced psychotic disorder) or to a medical condition.

How to help someone else experiencing symptoms of psychosis:

Often, family and friends help identify someone who is struggling with psychosis, and suffering from their symptoms, so they're important to getting them in touch with professionals who can help.

Stressful life events, such as going off to college or breaking up with a significant other, can trigger psychosis. Further research is needed into why this is, but a low underlying "stress tolerance" level is often seen.

It's all right to mention to someone that you're worried about them, and open the door to discussing it at that point or later. You can find out if there's an early-psychosis clinic near you, and provide information or offer to contact them.

If you notice signs that they're harming themselves, that's the time to seek immediate help, often by starting with contacting suicide hotline or nearby psychiatric emergency room for advice. People with psychosis have 10 to 15 times the risk of suicidal thoughts or behaviors than others.

Treatment, support and how to help find answers for people struggling with psychosis:

Treatments for people showing potential signs of psychosis mostly focus on talk therapy, also called cognitive behavioral therapy. Family and group therapy are also important, and can be done virtually.

For people who show clear breaks with reality, antipsychotic medication can help greatly. The vast majority of people who receive these medicines experience improvement in their symptoms, but they may also experience side effects, so it's important to work with a trained professional to find the best fit.

Women who experienced postpartum psychosis after having a baby are at high risk of experiencing it again if they have another pregnancy, and should receive special attention during and after pregnancy.

A very small number of people with psychosis may be driven by their paranoia or hallucinations to act strangely in public or try to harm others. If you find yourself having to call the police because of such behaviors, make sure they understand and acknowledge that the person you're calling about has a mental health condition and needs help getting to appropriate care.

Just like many infectious diseases can cause a fever, psychosis is part of many mental health conditions – but what exactly causes it isn't well understood. That's why researchers needs people with psychosis to consider taking part in the studies they're running.

"Psychosis strikes in the years when people are just starting to be truly independent in life, work and school, which can make it especially devastating to the person and the family. The process of brain maturation depends on a lot of things going right inside our brains and if they don't, things can go askew. The longer they go untreated, the higher the chance they may experience damage to the brain and be worse off even when they get treatment." Stephan Taylor M.D., who leads a team at Michigan Medicine that specializes in early care for psychosis

Sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 ⚜ More: Notes ⚜ Resources PDFs

Writing about Mental Health Conditions

Hi, here are some references. Choose which ones are most appropriate to incorporate in your story. If possible, it would also be valuable if you know person/s who experience psychosis & speaking with them about it (or if you have personal experiences you could draw from). There's a wide range, so narrowing your depiction down to model one specific life story (or borrowing from just a few) could make your writing more realistic. Do go through the sources linked above as well for more details I wasn't able to include here. Hope this helps with your writing!

[yourstardarling]

Pisces & The Realm of Fantasy

The sign of Pisces is a deeply sensitive focal point in astrology, carrying immense emotional energy and mysticism. As a Piscean native myself, I can personally attest to the sense of separation from reality that often comes with this sign.

Pisces in astrologysymbolizes the world beyond what we know. While modern interpretations attribute this to its association with Neptune, I see it as more of a Jupiterian quality. Pisces represents collective beliefs, not in the intellectual sense, like its Sagittarius counterpart, but in the emotional and spiritual realm. It asks, What does this belief make you feel? The catharsis or spiritual elevation people often experience during religious moments, that is Pisces. This underlying energy embodies the universal principle that connects us all, calling us toward a higher power beyond ourselves.

This is why Pisces natives often feel pulled into a world beyond their own. From a young age, they notice things and experience emotions that their peers may dismiss as pure imagination. They perceive beyond physical reality in ways others may not understand. The closest sign to share this otherworldly perception is the preceding Aquarius. As the last two signs of the zodiac, both deal with endings, yet they also have an innate ability to see beyond the end of cycles. When one phase concludes, another begins.

So oftentimes the so called “delusion” of Pisces is not one based of pure detachment, but instead a deep hopefulnes for a better future. This is how their Jupiterian optimism manifest, as unwavering faith. They hope that things will improve, that love will come, that spring will return, and that life will one day be brighter. This hope is their weapon against a world that often feels so cruel and pessimistic. It is why they choose to exist in their own world, where reality can be a place of peace, harmony, and beauty. Pisces reminds us that dreaming of a better world is not just possible, it is necessary.

However, herein lies their Achilles’ heel. The hopeful nature of Pisces is frequently tested by the harsh structures of reality. The pressures of the material world, especially the way society ties worth to money, can take a toll on them, forcing them to confront the limitations of reality. You can hope for better days, but what happens when they never come? Hope to receive love, but what happens when you stay in same cycle with your partner? Hope that you get known, but what happens when you’re barely recognized? The faith of Pisces is often the most heavily tested. Their open-hearted nature makes them vulnerable to being taken advantage of by those who seek to drain them of their love and generosity. This is why it is crucial for Pisces to know when to swim away. They often let themselves stay in troubled waters for far too long. Their fluid nature allows them to adapt, but it can also lead them astray if they fall into the hands of those who manipulate and corrupt them.

This susceptibility can lead to Pisces’ lower octave. At their highest vibration, they inspire through optimism and the beauty of imagination. However, their dreams can quickly turn into nightmares. When they repeatedly face setbacks and see their hopes go unrealized, they may spiral into despair. Their world can become a melancholic prison, where they blame their circumstances on forces beyond their control. In this state, they often attract others who share their misery, feeding into a cycle of negativity. They may become emotionally destructive, even manipulative, using people for their own purposes. A rogue Pisces can be dangerously persuasive, leading others astray with their philosophies and illusions. Additionally, when trapped in their world of disillusionment, Pisces may turn to different forms of escapism. This includes weed, alcohol, drugs, gambling, or reckless pleasure-seeking; as a way of avoiding reality.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. The saving grace of Pisces lies in their ability to transmute these intense emotions into creativity. This is their greatest gift; the ability to transform their pain and suffering into works of ART. I put emphasis on art because it is truly the most significant part of their lives. Whether it be poetry, singing or dance, Pisces needs to find a medium where they can channel the depths of the hidden realms into the physical world. The underlying currents and emotions they cannot express through words become the foundation of their masterpieces.

To truly thrive, Pisces must learn from their Virgo counterpart to ground their visions into reality. Pisces oftentimes have big dreams, it’s the Jupiterean expansion, but these dreams need to be balanced with practical steps to make them real. They need to recognize their circumstances are not limitations, but instead focus on how you can utilize what you have to still honor your vision. This is when it’s important to use your imagination to craft something out of nothing.

Though the world can often be cruel, it is essential for Pisces to never lose their faith. What others call wishful thinking is, in truth, the very force that drives them to create something beyond themselves. They remind us that if we truly look for it, the world is filled with magic and miracles in every corner; as long as we keep ourselves open to it.

-yourStardarling

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Mad Love Chapter 24 Premium Story

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

NSFW, MINORS DNI

When I threw my ordinary life away and told him my feelings, Roger said…

“Throw it all away and become my lover.”

The most egoistical man had stolen away my heart and body tonight.

—When the door closed, I couldn’t help but clutch the front of my blouse. 

Roger and I entered a room of an inn close to the bar; the large bed inside made its presence very known.

(Roger’s made my body feel good in so many ways)

(It all started on a day I got drunk, and then what followed was…feeling all sorts of pleasure with fingers and tongue—)

The thought of experiencing pleasure even greater than that had my eyes burn and tear up with anticipation and embarrassment.

Roger: …

I was taken aback by Roger’s intense gaze and felt my cheeks warm.

Kate: …What is it?

Roger: The way you were bawling your eyes out because of how you wanted to be strong really hit me, but I also thought that crying face would make me cum. I just wanna make you cry even more now. Seal your lips and prod you where it’s all wet*.  Have you soaked with tears all throughout the night.

Kate: …

His lips were against my ear, and the low whisper was enough to make me feel weak. 

Because this wasn’t Roger’s delusion.

Within this room, it would become a reality.

Roger: You’ll be okay. Your sensitive body can handle it.

Kate: I’m not worried about that. Anyway…

I hesitated for a moment before I clasped my hands tightly in front of my chest and looked directly at Roger.

Kate: Even if it hurts, don’t stop… You’ve been self-indulgent. I want you to make me cry a lot…That’s why I’m here!

Roger: Haaa…you’re so damn cute! Let’s make a mess of the bed together.

He lifted me up with enthusiasm and the next thing I knew, I found myself bouncing on the sheets.

Kisses rained down upon me.

Kate: …Nnn…nnn, haaa..aaahn

As we kissed, my skirt and blouse slipped off my bare skin. Roger then undid his shirt.

Roger: …You don’t need this either.

He removed the gun from my garter belt and placed it on the bedside table. 

Roger: Though the more I look at your garter belts, the sexier they feel. The feeling of holding a strong woman is the biggest turn on.

The fingers on the garter belt stroked my thigh and slowly made their way up.

Kate: Haa…

When his fingers approached my core, I arched my back as a sweet tingling sensation spread throughout my body. Wet sounds could be heard from the space between my legs.

Roger: You’re soaking wet. Can you feel how tight you’re squeezing my fingers here?

When those rough fingers that were used to handling a rifle pumped in and out of me, an irresistible pleasure ran through me.

Kate: I do…your fingers…haa

That place took his fingers in with ease and tightened around them.

As if saying “hurry up, I want it.”

It didn’t matter how shy I was, my desires were getting too big to hide—

Kate: Stop teasing and just put it in…Roger…I want you…

I reached down between his legs and loosened the front.

When the heat that couldn’t be contained within his underwear fell out of his cramped pants, I brought it to my lips.

(I need to get Roger wet too…)

Roger: …O_O

Roger’s breath hitched in surprise and then he started breathing heavily.

I was so entranced by his pleased sounds that I wanted to take more of him in my mouth.

Roger: …Haaa, Kate…

As he messily stroked my hair, he continued to grow harder.

Kate: Mnnnn, Roger.

(It’s too big to take it all in)

But I wanted to make Roger feel good. Tears welled up as I did my best to take the bulbous tip in my mouth.

Roger: Ahhh, I could cum like this… Still, I want us to feel good together.

Kate: Ah…Roger.

Roger lifted me up and placed me on his chest.

He pulled me toward him by the waist and settled his face between my legs.

(Together…!)

The second I understood what he meant, I was hit with brain-melting pleasure.

Kate: Ah, aahhh, aaaa…

Roger: …Mmnn…It’s still flowing out even with each lick.

Aroused by his voice, I forgot any sense of embarrassment I had and ran my lips and tongue over his swelling heat.

Kate: Mmm…Roger.

The pleasure was so intense that my cheeks and eyelashes were stained with tears—

And then, all I could do was moan as I arched my back while straddling Roger’s face.

Kate: Ahnn, ahhh, mnnn, Roger, Roger…

Roger: Ahhh, if you’re gonna cry like that, then I wanna see your crying face.

The moment his tongue left, I collapsed onto the bed.

As I laid on the sheets, I felt a muscular chest over me.

Roger: …I’m done with putting it off. I’m gonna take all of you.

Roger parted my legs and sank in.

Kate: Aahh…—

My vision went white as I felt a pulsing heat enter me.

—The next time I came to, I saw Roger hovering over looking worried.

Kate: …Roger?

Roger: The moment I put it in, you passed out.

Kate: Then…

Roger: Nope, the fun’s just begun.

Roger lightly rocked his hips.

Kate: …

My cheeks warmed when I realized he was still inside.

As he continued rocking his hips, I started panting.

Kate: Nnn, ahhhh…you’re so deep…it feels so good.

Roger: We’re gonna do it. …And then we’re gonna indulge in this pleasure all night long.

Kate: Yes…Roger.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close.

Feeling the warmth of my loved one made me unconditionally happy…

Roger: Kate…love’s the best thing. I’ll never betray my feelings for you…ever.

Tender whispers that fell against my eyelids made me even more drunk on happiness.

Kate: It’s thanks to you that this love’s so wonderful. I’m glad I fell in love with you…I love you, always.

Roger: Yeah, me too.

My body was aching so sweetly as he hugged me tight, and when he thrusted hard, it sent me over the edge.

Roger’s heat continued to fill me and I kept moaning all night long—

Next

-

*originally sticky, gooey. I absolutely refuse to use any word describing a thick liquid’s consistency in this scenario.

:3c I'd like to formally apologize for misleading y'all into it was just face sitting when they were actually 69ing.

[sillygoofyqueer]

Buddhism might not have seven deadly sins, but they do have ‘five poisons’.

Moha (मोह), Wúzhī (无知): Ignorance, Confusion, Bewilderment, Delusion

Rāga (राग), Yīliàn (依恋): Attachment, Desire, Passion, Greed, Lust

Dvesha (द्वेष), Fǎngǎn (反感): Aversion, Anger, Hatred

Māna (मान), Xūróng (虛榮): Pride, Arrogance, Conceit

Irshya (ईर्ष्या), Jídù (嫉妒): Envy, Jealousy

The first three are also known as the three poisons.

If traditional heavenly demons are hatred, and the crows are pride, that leaves delusion, greed/lust and envy.

Though with how crows steal stuff, I could also see just sticking to the OG three and making them Rāga instead, so there might only be one more heavenly demon type around.

Either way, a Moha based heavenly demon would be freaky. Whatever they look like, they’d probably bend reality, confuse people’s minds, or create illusions.

Actually sounds a bit like dream demons kinda… Meng Mo, secret heavenly demon who lost his body?

Wooooaaaah, that would be so cool - and I love the idea of Meng Mo being a heavenly demon, but one that's trapped and without his body, forced to leech off the energy of OTHER demons, those that were once below him. He has become what he hates the most - weak and forced to rely on others. I do feel like Airplane would focus the most on the dvesha (wrath) demons because...well, that's Binghe, but there are probably loads of notes on potential types of heavenly demons that were abandoned through time. Maybe Meng Mo was supposed to be a plot point about Moha demons and their lineage, but it was swiftly abandoned when the fans lashed out.

[mrscolinbridgerton96]

Picture this: a leading actor in the new season of one of your favorite shows talks about how he is looking forward to all the fans finally getting to watch the second half of the show’s latest season.. only for that excitement to be ruined the following day by the release of paparazzi pictures of him and his girlfriend- and a majority of “fans” on social media begin spreading rumors and bombard this actor with disrespectful comments; thereby having this man, once again, become a victim of cyber bullying.

That is EXACTLY what started happening on June 13th.. and it’s STILL happening 2 months later.

He was practically on cloud nine the day prior to the shit storm that was going to be looming over him.. for months.

The one thing that still bothers me isn’t the pictures themselves; it’s the fact that some toxic “fans” have wholeheartedly convinced themselves that he ruined months of press for Bridgerton season 3 by calling the paparazzi and have them take pictures of him and Antonia- which makes no sense at all.

Let’s just think about the “logic” of this baseless accusation of him tipping off the paparazzi. Let’s think long and hard about this because.. apparently common sense doesn’t exist for those who have let their delusions completely fog up reality. Why would Luke- a man who is known for keeping his personal life private (which he has every right to do because he owes us nothing) and is barely active on social media- call the paparazzi on himself and tell them where he and his girlfriend are going so that they could be outside to take pictures of them when they arrived to the place where the after party was being held?!

Yes, it’s possible that someone tipped off the paparazzi, but if that IS what happened.. it wasn’t Luke. I’m not ruling out the possibility, but I’m also not going to accuse him of being the one who did it. But it’s been 2 months now.. so regardless of whether or not someone tipped off the paparazzi.. what’s done is done. Let it go!!

A message to all the toxic “fans”- I’m being genuine when I ask this: when are you all to stop and grow up?! What the Hell’s it gonna take for you to put an end to all of the hate that you’ve been spreading about Luke for months?! Are you hoping that he deletes his social media? Or is him leaving the show what y’all are hoping for? I’m actually curious as to what you hope to gain from all this unnecessary madness.

[neptunedivine]

astro observations pt. ii

hi! I hope you’re doing well! I know it's been a while. I have a lot of things I wanna talk about. But for now, here are some observations I've noted since I've been gone. I hope you enjoy the read!

mutable signs and intelligence ��� ALL MUTABLE PLACEMENTS SHOULD BE KNOWN FOR THEIR INTELLIGENCE. Since Virgo and Gemini are both ruled by mercury, I feel like this is a given. Sagittarius rules the 9H which controls higher education, so the same thing can be said for them. But then people throw Pisces under the bus…as if Virgo isn’t their sister sign. I feel like people see sister signs as opposites of each other, but in reality, they have their sister’s traits in subtlety.

As a Pisces sun and mercury myself, I understand the anxiety my Virgo homies get, it’s f*cking intense. But will I ever feel it full throttle? I don’t think so and I’m thankful for it.

But yeah, Pisces placements are not airheads, their smart too. I just think their intelligence is out of the ordinary or just not palatable like the other signs.

9H suns ✧ Kind of an addendum to my last bullet, but a lot of 9H and 12H sun celebrities are really smart. I’ve noticed this with Kendrick Lamar because he’s a 9H sun (in Gemini @ 9° -- damn), and he’s considered a conscious rapper (a subgenre of hip-hop that focuses on creating awareness and imparting knowledge). When I think of him, his words always have meaning, they’re not said just because. The same thing can be said about SZA (9H Scorpio sun @ 16°) and Frank Ocean (12H Scorpio sun 4°).

I'm noticing that they're both Scorpio suns at a Cancer degree, I might investigate that more in the future.

When they put out a project, I get annoyed when people immediately have a response (in all I think I get annoyed when this happens to any long-awaited album), because with the lyricism they have, let the words marinate. Their words are never just face value, there's always a deeper meaning.

SZA is also just smart period. She went on this little biology rant a couple of weeks ago. I was shocked but I loved it. Idk sometimes I forget that celebrities have other traits because they choose what they present to their audience and a lot of the time that isn’t intelligence.

✧ Do any other Pisces mercuries talk in funny voices or accents a lot? Like an unhealthy amount? Just me? Okay.

✧ Undeveloped Pisces placements want yes men to their delusions.

LGBTQIA+ ✧ Having mutable + Aquarius Venus/Mars placements and/or aspects could be an indicator of identifying as part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Mutable placements are used to changing their mind a lot, so when it comes to who they’re interested in, they might not have a fixed answer. With aqua placements, they’re not used to sticking to the traditional. So going against the grain with who they’re romantically/sexually involved with is a common manifestation.

mars-jupiter and clumsiness ✧ Those with Mars-Jupiter aspects can be clumsy. Maybe because Mars can rule the physical body and Jupiter expands, they may be overestimating their range of motion.

aries/1H mars and headaches ✧ These placements can be prone to headaches, yes because Mars rules the physical body and anger, and Aries rules the head. But you guys are also quick to anger, so you kind of set yourself up for it. Breathe please, I don’t like seeing you stressed out babes.

aries/scorpio placements and tattoos ✧ Speaking of Aries placements, Aries and Scorpio placements, in general, could like tattoos, whether they want some themselves, have them, or just like the look of them. I feel like Venus and Mars placements are attracted to those who have tattoos, while Mercury placements could have the desire to tattoo people/become tattoo artists. If you have Aries/Scoripo in your midheaven, this could be a good career for you!

that’s all for now! I hope you enjoyed the post, see you later!

[thegeorgiatennantblog]

*Clanking pots and pans together *

I have a message for all the tin hatters and misogynists in the Tumblr fandom.

28th August, The Year of Our Nerd 2024

To Whom It May Concern

It has been precisely one year and one month to the fact that I first came across this malady that has been plaguing our fandom. Other fandoms have been more or less unfortunate in this regard. What started as a lighthearted joke has now turned into a toxic, vile, festering wound. For a long time I either ignored these blogs and their opinions or very politely tried to dismiss them. For an even longer time I was made to feel that I was in the wrong. After all we live in a free society and all of us believe int he idea of freedom of speech, freedom to hold whatever views and beliefs, and freedom to express those views and beliefs. But the very same citizens of these free society's in today's world are also facing a dilemma: how far does this right go? Is it unconditional? Is it absolute? Or does it qualify to some form of check or some form of necessary derogation under exceptional circumstances? When do those circumstances arise?

Most of us have come to an understanding in regard to the question, though all of us may not agree to it: it is understood that where your right to exercise your freedom offends and restricts my right to do or causes in any way for me or anyone else to feel endangered, then that is where we draw the line.

Reading @do-angels-dream-of-starry-seas 's post today I have come to the conclusion that the time has come to draw that line. It is a question on where we stand as a fandom if we let such bigotry and such hate prevail any longer.

I want to let everyone know where I stand. I have nothing against fanfiction. I have nothing against RPF. People have been creating RPF since time immemorial. If not for RPF a large amount of literature, film, music and other forms of art would not exist. Shakespear's Histories are essentially RPF, Hamilton is RPF, Netflix's The Crown is RPF, Le Morte d'Arthur is RPF, Baz Luhrman's Elvis is RPF and so is Andrew Dominic's Blonde. You may like some of it, you might dislike some of it. You might even be vehemently against some of it. But that's all it is at the end of the day; fiction. It doesn't hurt anyone. The real problem arises when people start becoming unbale to differentiate between fiction and reality. And that's no better than thinking that just cz someone played a serial killer in a movie means they're evil irl too.

It becomes suffocating for others to exist in these spaces when the delusion that the RFP is real transcends to take an even worse shape namely hating the real people involved in said person's life. How could you justify hating on their real life partners just so you can satisfy your delusional belief that these men are actually in love with each other.

Maybe it springs from a need to justify our lives in terms of conspiracy theories in this growing pandemic of untruths and fake news. Maybe it springs from some deep rooted internalized misogyny. Who can say?

Before I move on I want to highlight some problems with the wntire tinhatter discourse.

The existence of a PR. I want to clarify this here and now. PR works for important, famous, insanely rich people whose global fame makes their identity a part of the public domain so much that their entire image needs to be curated to meet certain requirements. PR works for Taylor Swift and Leonardo DiCaprio and Barak Obama. Who is does NOT work for are people who are only locally well known, live reasonably ordinary lifestyles, and have a painfully insignificant following outside their own cultural context.

The idea that one picture or a five second video can tell the truth about someone's entire personal life. It cannot. It never will. Body language is not even a science. Body language is misleading. Facial expressions are misleading. I am writing this right now with the most bland expression on my face. People around me think I'm writing an email. My internal emotions right now are another story. Moreover no one owes anyone any sort of information on their personal life, their love life, their mood, their life choices or whatever. Their lives are not public property. Please respect that.

The women are the villains. This blatant misogyny has become intolerable as the days go by considering most of these posts are written by women themselves. The whole controlling wife, poor meek guy trope is so fckng infuriating. When did we wake up to a world where women hold the reigns and an adult white upper middle class male cannot tell her that he wants a divorce. I thought this only happened to unprivileged women in third world countries who cannot file a divorce bcs then she will be left penniless and socially disgraced. The women baby trapped them. Of course they feel responsibility for the kids now. Child birth is the second most painful experience after being burnt to death. No woman does it for the pleasure of it nor for some strategic benefit that it will serve her. And giving birth to not just one but many. And then raising them. That's not easy! Secondly, having children is a mutual decision and process. If only women could make babies, we'd get rid of men for good lol! (this is a joke plz don't @ me) If someone decides to have children with someone, and we're not talking just one accidental pregnancy or sth... we're talking several kids over the years.... then they probably have that level of attachment, love and commitment to their partner. It's just common sense.

Absolute cynicism. Anything Georgia and Anna do is met with cynicism and their words are deliberately twisted to mean the opposite. While D and M will be applauded for speaking up for a cause, when G and A do the same, they are shouted down as pretentious or that PR made them do it. When D and M show affection towards each other that's all real and true but when G and A show affection to their partners it fake and a PR stunt. Moreover, the way they interact with their partners is also completely misunderstood. Anna is more private and subtle about her gestures of praise and affection. But from what she does show publicly we know that she absolutely adores her partner and her kids. Georgia on the other hand has her own way. She teases, makes jokes, pokes fun at him, but she's also literally the woman that is being ultra-horny for him on Twitter and Instagram in front of everyone else. And I think that comes from the fact that they were friends first and lovers second and they have maintained that playful friendly relationship with each other. Still, she is accused of never being appreciative, being cringey, possessive, creepy and always bringing him down. Oh, and we never talk about how Michael next to never promotes Davis's achievements. In fact, no one else I know does it. Literally the only person is Georgia jumping up and down going "This is my partner! Have you seen them! Have you seen how awesome they are! I love them!" Not just that, these tinhatters have such double standards that while D's neurodivergent traits are being praised, G takes the rap for it. She's a careless mum, an unworthy partner; none of her professional achievements matter. She is fighting her dyslexia and neurodivergence to achieve something but the tinhatters will make ableist remarks to bring her down. But they don't just stop there. They accuse her of abuse, rape and cyber harassment. Pray that she doesn't find out because accusing someone of that can get you behind the bars hon!

I know that none of this is going to disappear over night. We fight the fight every day and we hope that tumblr goes back to being the safe space it once was. But till then, it is important that we stay strong and stay together. I have had people come into my ds with links and other stuff that made me want to jump off a cliff. I have been subjected to some horrendous lies, all in a bid to 'convert' me. Sadly that's not happening babes.

So I just want these tinhatters to know that if you're here, then we're here too. And no matter how much of this toxic bile you keep spewing we'll keep washing it away. And that @dtmsrpfcringe and @goodomenswarning don't have to do it alone. If you wanna go at them then come at me bitches!

And I'm not scared to call y'all out @ingravinoveritas @letscoffeebreak @nightgoodomens

@invisibleicewands @climb-dtennant-like-a-tree @thetardisisbluandroseistoo and others but mainly you guys cz you're the ring leaders. Go on block me if you want to I don't care! Or better, send me some of those creepy asks you guys send Tori. At least it would take the burden off her!

Oh and, before I go, @dtmsrpfcringe you're a champ and we love you and we stand with you!!!

Yours Sincerely,

Meena. x

curator of TheGeorgiaTennantBlog

[psid99]

Diluc x Tartaglia HANDBOOK(From Genshin Impact)

---------------------------------------------------------

Doujin Works by Tequillavie (aka me)

All WORKS

CANON DIVERGENCE

(Original universe with alternative events)

Delusion Puppets (2021)

Nocturnal (2024)

HALF-ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE

(Original universe x Alternative universe and other special cases)

Heartseeker (2024)

RIFT Series (2022) – Includes Orphans, Canis, and Superlove!

Midnight Muse (2023)

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE

Chromatic Aberration: What IF (2023)

The Angel Formula (2022, formerly ‘Angel in My Atelier’)

Zhongchi-related works include Nocturnal, Delusion Puppets, RIFT, and Chromatic Aberration: What IF.

NOTES:

All of my works can be read on psid99.tumblr.com

Quick access for Diluchi’s works Link (This link is not fully updated, I recommend searching them by tags.)

TIMELINE

----------------------------------------------------

CANON DIVERGENCE

Delusion Puppets (DPS)

First released in 2021, Delusion Puppets tells the story of Diluc falling into the hands of the Fatui and becoming one of their members. After an undisclosed failed mission, Tartaglia is gravely injured, allowing the Doctor to take advantage of his condition and experiment on him. Eventually, the same fate befalls Diluc.

With their Visions confiscated, both are brainwashed and implanted with a control mechanism attached to their spines. Diluc and Tartaglia are placed in a separate rank within the Fatui, known as Delusion Puppets—special soldiers capable of wielding Delusions without suffering their usual side effects, making them perfect, emotionless killing machines.

However, due to their unique nature, Diluc and Tartaglia are not fully controlled, leading to unstable minds, violent tendencies, and memory loss.

2.Nocturnal

A journey after the end.

1,500 years have passed since Diluc and Tartaglia achieved perfect immortality. However, an unknown event causes Tartaglia to lose his physical body. During this time, Diluc has become known as Bloodrover, while Tartaglia is referred to as Eclipse.

A century after Eclipse's disappearance, the Monoceros Caeli suddenly falls from Teyvat’s sky. This event awakens Diluc, the blind hunter, who has been in a deep slumber, mourning the loss of his lover.

Tartaglia reappears in spiritual form when Diluc retrieves the first constellation—a star piece stored in a capsule within Diluc’s left eye socket. In this form, Tartaglia has no memories and lacks a physical body. The exact circumstances of his condition remain a mystery.

Believing that collecting Tartaglia’s constellations will restore his memories and power, Diluc embarks on a journey to recover the fallen stars with the help of an old friend, Zhongli—the Synchronic.

HALF-ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE

RIFT WORKS (IMPERFECT IMMORTALITY)

RIFT is a compilation of stories featuring the reincarnation of Diluc and Tartaglia after The Celestial Cleanse. The series follows two main routes:

Bad Route: RIFT: Canis (Set in the original Genshin Impact universe)

Good Route: RIFT: Insomnia (Multiple reincarnations in different worlds and universes)

The core theme of RIFT revolves around reincarnation and eternal lovers. Most of the time, only one of them retains memories of their past lives, forming what you can call Imperfect Immortality”.

In addition to their curses, Tartaglia also suffers from what Diluc calls the Illusion of Eternal Youth. In every reincarnation, regardless of Diluc’s varying ages, Tartaglia always appears in his prime (between 19-27 years old) and dies due to various circumstances. This creates the illusion of eternal youth, but in reality, Tartaglia never gets the chance to grow old.

A simple way to distinguish between the routes: In the bad route, Tartaglia bears Roman numerals and has a missing eye, while Diluc is seen wearing his usual bartender attire. The Lapis duo from the Zhongchi universe also make appearances in RIFT: Canis.

Some RIFT stories may be rewritten and included in the AU section.

2.HEARTSEEKER (Wonderland AU)

Heartseeker takes place in a Wonderland-inspired version of Teyvat. Fourteen-year-old Diluc, while chasing a fox, falls down a well and finds himself in Wonderland. To return home, he must meet the leaders of each Card House and gain their favor.

The Jack Knight, Tartaglia, was the ginger fox Diluc had been chasing. Upon their reunion, Tartaglia feels responsible for leading Diluc into this world and decides to accompany him on his journey.

Ultimately, Heartseeker serves as a prelude to the betrayal and tragedy that will befall Diluc in the original world.

3.MIDNIGHT MUSE

A collaboration between Tequillavie (concept) and Kae_karo (writer).

In Midnight Muse, Tartaglia’s consciousness from Delusion Puppets is swapped with another version of himself from RIFT: Canis. At this point, Diluc and Tartaglia from Delusion Puppets are beginning to acknowledge their feelings for each other but struggle to accept them.

This event serves as a catalyst that ultimately strengthens their bond. 

Midnight Muse is considered part of both series.

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE

CHROMATIC ABERRATION: WHAT IF

An Omegaverse vintage AU centering around a love triangle between Diluc, Zhongli, and Tartaglia (Ajax). In the original version, Tartaglia marries Zhongli. However, in What IF, he marries Diluc instead.

2.THE ANGEL FORMULA 

Originally an annual Valentine’s release, The Angel Formula is a dark fantasy story exploring the existence of Angels—beautiful, humanoid spiritual beings devoid of emotions or substance.

An Angel can manifest a physical body only by consuming a human heart. In this case, Tartaglia devours Diluc’s heart. However, Diluc miraculously survives and, instead of perishing, captures and imprisons the Angel who took his heart.

Ultimately, The Angel Formula is the fevered dream of a sick man haunted by the death of his lover.

-----------------------------------------------

All stamp art belongs to Fanbook: Somnolence. I will talk about their meaning one day.

[seemycee]

|WHY I THINK NICKI MINAJ IS A VIRGO RISING AND NOT AN AQUARIUS RISING| 🧠✍🏾🤬💆🏾‍♀️

- so just like many celebrities nicki minaj’s birth time is unknown. many people have speculated she’s an aquarius rising due to her wearing eccentric outfits from 2010-2012 and the fact she would have an 11th house stellium to explain her fanbase and scorpio 10h to make her infamous. nothing else explaining her personality, career choice, why’s she’s a talented rapper, or her childhood. so i’m going to explain why i think she’s a virgo rising and before somebody starts foaming at the mouth these are just my opinion and ideas, not FACT! (also i prefer old rulership but neptune, pluto, and urnaus will be used)

4TH HOUSE IN SAGITTARIUS: 🏡✈️🏚️

- nicki minaj was born in trinidad on december 8th, 1982 making her a sagittarius sun. her mother and father left trinidad sometime while she was a toddler to establish a new life in america. leaving her and older brother jelani in the care of her grandmother. when she was 5, her parents sent for her and her brother and they quickly moved to the u.s where they lived in a two family home. nicki minaj’s mother carol owned this two family home and the family lived upstairs but had to eventually move downstairs which was smaller in order to rent out the upstairs to families to make ends meet. eventually the house was burnt down by nicki’s father. nicki minaj spent a great deal of her childhood creating characters to escape the reality of the world she was living in at the time. her father was abusive towards her mother due to him becoming victim of the crack epidemic of the 1980s.

- nicki minaj has uranus in her 4h and in modern day astrology uranus represents sudden changes. so it being in her 4h (home) manifested in her domestic life constantly changing. her 4h being ruled by sagittarius could be seen as an indication of why she emigrated from trinidad to the u.s since sagittarius is known as the traveler in astrology and the 4h represents the home. nicki minaj’s father being a drug addict and her using made up characters and living in a fantasy land to combat her fathers erratic behavior. can be seen by the presence of neptune in the 4h and it being conjunct her 10h (father) ruler (mercury) since neptune rules over delusions (fantasy land) and addictions (crack addiction). might i add nicki minaj too has also battled with addiction and that would make sense aswell because neptune would also be conjunct her chart ruler (mercury) and neptune is very prominent in charts of people prone to addictions.

- nicki minaj is a homebody she prefers to be in the comfort of her home and in the presence of her family. she has expressed over the years how she doesn’t like to attend industry events to barbz dismay who constantly want her to be at fashion shows or at different award shows. she even famously said in her song freedom “i’m not into fake industry parties or fake agendas”. ice spice recently even said while filming the barbie world video with nicki minaj she had her whole family in the trailer with her all day and a year prior coi leray said the same thing while shooting the blick blick video. i personally think this is because she has a great chunk of her core planets in her 4h (sun, moon, mercury, & venus) especially her venus cause that indicates a strong love for her family and sun (self) is tied to her family since it’s sitting the 4h. also 4h people tend to not like being “out there” cause it’s makes them uncomfortable. which makes sense cause most of their planets would be opposite the mc which is opposite the ic which is in the 4h. whatever is conjunct your ic you do not feel comfortable showing with the public (mc). which also makes sense for nicki minaj who hasn’t even shared the name of her child with the public.

- nicki minaj also has shown a great love for her homeland trinidad despite living their very briefly. that can also be a manifestation of sun in the 4h, cause people with this placement tend to be very patriotic or in other words proud of their homeland. also her mercury cause that rules over communication and since its sitting in her 4h it would make sense for her to love to talk about where she’s from.

3RD HOUSE IN SCORPIO: 🗣️🤬🧠

- okay so i never understood why people call virgo risings rude until i learned about them having 3h in scorpio. as we know scorpio is traditionally ruled by mars and mars isn’t a very loving or nurturing planet, in-fact it’s very aggressive and domineering. so virgo rising tend to be very blunt and straightforward with communicating, not really caring if they hurt people’s feelings or not. especially when they’re bothered by someone or something these mars ruled 3rd housers will smite you with their words. they can also have a problem with pushing their ideas and opinions on to people, kinda having a my way or the highway attitude about it. also they tend to be very dirty minded individuals once you get to know them, cause mars also rules over sexual desires. but even with all that being said people tend to value what virgo rising have to say constantly coming back for their opinions even if it’s not what they wanted to hear.

- I feel like this resonates so much with nicki minaj cause everytime she speaks her mind people are automatically put off. often labeling her as rude, a b*tch, and egotistical. she even famously said “if i am assertive, im a b*tch” on her my time now documentary. last year (2022) nicki was on live two separate times with two female rappers (coi leray and jt of the city girls) giving them career advice. literally after both lives, clips were being posted online and people were speaking about how nicki spoke to them, making her seem as if she were being condescending to them. those girls took nicki minaj’s advice and their careers flourished. coi leray no longer had thin skin dealing with the public and stopped letting them hinder her from releasing music. jt built a brand outside the city girls, even dropping a solo single that she was afraid to drop cause she didn’t feel confident standing alone.

- nicki minaj is also known for asking explicit questions when she’s doing queen radio or just being on live with people. recently she asked kai cenat what his favorite position was. 😭

9H IN TAURUS: 🎤🎨🎭

- nicki minaj attended la laguardia high school of music & art and performing arts from 1996-2000. she originally wanted to be a singer but failed her singing audition for the school but got in due to her passing the drama audition.

the 9h rules over higher education but astrologers do debate if high school should be categorized in the 3h or 9h. so again take everything i say with a grain of salt.

- i think this is really self explanatory but her going to school (9h) originally for singing (taurus) just makes a lot of sense. cause the sign taurus is venus ruled and venus rules over all arts.

- also minaj has a venus ruled 2h (libra) and that can show a beautiful singing voice but quality of her singing is afflicted due to the presence of pluto here.

TALENT AND HOBBIES:🤹🏽‍♀️🎨✍🏾

- nicki minaj is a talented rapper known for her complex lyrics and many different styles of rap. wether she’s being sexually explicit, dissing her rivals, being emotionally vulnerable, or just being boastful. she’s able to do it all. she’s even dabbled outside of the “hip-hop” sound incorporating many different genres of music in her artistry.

- so let’s go back to the 3h since it rules over all forms of communication even writing. a lot of writers have a prominent 3h because the 3h deals with the mind. to be a writer it takes a lot brainstorming to come up with different ideas to write about. nicki minaj has jupiter and saturn in the 3h. with jupiter the planet of expansion in here, i can see somebody who has a lot going on in their mind and is very knowledgeable when it comes to knowing things. nicki minaj is a rapper and she constantly makes references to people, places, and things. with saturn being here aswell i can see that communications wasn’t something she was good at when she first started but over time she got better with it. this can definitely be seen throughout her career with all her different musical efforts. she even spoke about how lil wayne used to get mad with her cause she would take days to write verses (slow moving saturn). eventually nicki minaj learned how to write verses within one studio session.

- then the ruler of her 3h (mars) is in her 5h (creativity, talent, hobbies). which can show he she expresses her creativity through her writing (rapping). since her 3h ruler also shares rulers with the 8h she can transforms herself through her writing since the 8h rules over transformation. which makes sense cause nicki minaj often transforms herself into different alter egos when performing her raps. it can also explain why she’s sexually charged in her music since the 8h deals with sex and so does her 8h ruler that is situated in the 5h. also nicki minaj didn’t take rapping seriously at first, it was a hobby of hers that she later turned into a career. lastly since mars is associated with anger, confidence, combativeness, and competitiveness. it shows why nicki minaj disses her enemies in her raps and why she continues to remind her competitors why she’s the reigning queen of hip-hop.

- also something i wanted to add since we’re talking about the 3h and 5h. nicki minaj did two songs with ice spice who is a confirmed virgo rising (via herself). she’s also a capricorn sun and mercury. both those planets fall into nicki’s 5h of creativity, making it easy for nicki to collab with her multiple times. also she said what drew her to ice spice was her voice (mercury) and individuality (sun)

6H & 10H: 👩🏾‍💼🏆✨

- nicki minaj began her rap career apart of a group called the “hoodstarz” in 2003. they were your run of the mill rap group following the rap trends of that time even minaj having a more aggressive rap delivery reminiscent of females rappers she listened to in the 90s (lil kim, foxy brown, queen latifah, ect). during the time in the group minaj had been offered pre-written lyrics which minaj constantly rejected. her reasoning was because she never wanted anyone to be able to say they wrote for her, like past female rappers and the simple fact that rappers are suppose to write their own raps. to this day minaj still stands on this belief and it has become intertwined with her career.

- in 2007 nicki minaj released her first mixtape entitled “playtime is over”, where she began rapping in a more feminine & seductive tone of voice with sexually charged lyrics. which wasn’t uncommon in female rap at the time but minaj’s delivery is what set her apart from her peers who used a more aggressive approach. after, minaj worked on and released two mixtapes where she started introducing alter egos one being called “nicki lewinsky” the name being a play on monica lewinsky who is notoriously known for engaging in sexual activities with president bill clinton. this alter ego was just nicki minaj being sexually explicit. another being the “harajuku barbie” later known as just “barbie” is minaj super hyper feminine side often rapping in a prissy voice and rapping about things that would be seen as boujee. this alter ego is famously tied to the nicki minaj brand, often associating her with the doll of the same name and the color pink.

- minaj gained a social media following which eventually led to her being signed by young money entertainment. prior to this minaj was offered deals in which she turned down because she didn’t want to sign a 360 deal, a deal that is famously known to hinder artist finically and restrict them artistically.

- after signing minaj began working on her debut album and doing features. in which she famously debuted her rap alter ego “roman” who she describes as a gay man that lives inside her who wants to attack everyone. through this alter ego minaj lets out her aggression, often using this alter ego to bash critics and diss her enemies.

- also during this time, minaj started wearing outfits that were unconventional for a hip-hop artist and deemed as “camp”. minaj has never explained why she wore these outfits i’m guessing it was to garner attention. she herself despises her look from that era of her career. lastly minaj started dabbling in other genres of music and gaining more success from doing so. she famously is known for her crossover rap/pop music which at the time alienated her from the hip-hop community cause it was seen as something taboo.

- minaj has become the highest selling/most successful female rapper ever. having the most chart entries on the hot 100 among female rappers, a diamond single, and all 4 of her studio albums certified platinum or higher. her career didn’t just stay in music, minaj has dipped her hands in many pots. from acting to voice acting, from having multiple clothing lines to having multiple perfume lines, and from owning an alcoholic beverage to owning a gaming app. she even appeared as a judge on the tv show american idol. minaj has done it all and continues to expand her brand.

- if nicki minaj was a virgo rising she would have aquarius in the 6h which could explain her unconventional approach to female rap which would be her job. her 6h ruler (saturn) is in the 3h which shows a constant need of mental stimulation in her workplace. i feel like that shows with nicki minaj constantly coming up with new ideas for her genre bending music. i also feel as though the aquarius 6h shows why minaj is against ghost writers and 360 deals, cause these are forms conforming. the sign aquarius is often associated with being rebellious, and unconventional which is a major theme in nicki minaj’s career and daily life.

- minaj’s mc would possibly be in gemini and that just fits her so much. the signs gemini is associated with communication cause it’s ruler mercury. so people with a gemini mc’s often have careers that allow them to use their voice. nicki minaj is a rapper with her mc ruler (mercury) conjuct venus which explains why she chose a career in music, after all rap is “rhythm and poetry”. gemini is a mutable sign and mutable placements are able to adapt and change. the sign gemini is often associated with the saying “jack of all trades, master of none” due to the sign’s love of learning many different subjects. so this can speak to nicki minaj dabbling in many different ventures outside of music.

- also her mc, ascendant, and ascendant ruler are all in mutable signs (gemini,virgo, sagittarius). minaj is constantly changing her look, sound, and public persona with each era of music.

- i forgot to mention above but minaj is constantly being misunderstood by the public, resulting in her being controversial. this is probably due to her mc ruler (mercury) being opposite her mc in its detrimental sign of sagittarius.

11H IN CANCER: 🫂🌙✨

- the 11H in astrology deals with friends, fans, influence, manifesting, technology, financial gains, social networking, and many many many more things.

- nicki minaj’s fans are notoriously known for being vicious towards anyone who speaks ill on nicki minaj. this makes sense cause nicki minaj’s 11h is in cancer and cancer is ruled by the moon, so her fans would want to nurture and protect her. her moon is in an exact trine with mars which can show her fans more toxic and aggressive approach to defending her. it can also show why nicki minaj was able to build a fan base through social media (myspace) cause again her 3H ruler (mars) is in trine with her 11th house ruler and the 3h rules social media in astrology.

- her 11h ruler is also in the 1h. i feel as though this can be interpreted as nicki minaj gaining popularity and influencing others with her appearance. nicki minaj had everybody and their mothers wearing pink streaks in their hair and rocking barbie chains. she also infamously influenced a trend in female rap where female rappers get their bodies done to be more appealing. recently nicki wore crocs in a ig photo and increased croc sales by 4,900%. another example of a female artist with this placement would be madonna, who is a rumored virgo rising. madonna’s style had so much influence during the 1980s, which led to time magazine writing an article about it and coining the phrase “madonna wannabe”.

- minaj would also have her northnode in the 11h as well. this makes sense cause the northnode represents your life’s purpose and it being in her 11h indicates how she was suppose to impact society. nicki minaj’s career showed record labels how marketable female rappers can be after them giving up on signing female rappers prior to minaj’s debut. this has led to record labels signing multiple female rappers even one label atlantic records trying to sign female rappers to go against minaj.

- outside of female rap, in 2016 nicki minaj won a case that allowed artist’s streams to count towards their album sales and single sales. allowing artist old or new, to receive certifications for their work.

APPEARANCE: 💇🏾‍♀️👁️🫦

- before i jump into the appearance i wanted to state that nicki minaj did get her body done but not her face. she also got her body done because she felt insecure seeing all the women lil wayne had around in the studio who had big butts. lil wayne would talk about big butts to other men around her all the time. so she felt like she wasn’t desirable cause she didn’t have a big butt. this makes sense cause lil wayne would have a stellium in her 2h (sun, mercury, saturn) and in astrology the 2h deals with self esteem so people who have placements here can literally make you feel unstoppable or make you feel like complete shit. she also has her chart ruler (mercury) conjunct neptune, making it prominent in her chart and neptune prominent people are more likely to get surgery.

- also, not all virgo rising dress alike. we’re not all trying to look like a librarian who lives in a cabin. ice spice, kurt kobian, and chole bailey are all virgo risings do they look like librarians?!!?! so whoever started that stereotype is not seeing the golden gates. if you want to see somebodies aesthetic it’s best to look at their venus sign.

- so virgo rising tend to have diamond shape heads

- dainty facial features with the nose being the most prominent feature

- expressive eyes

- youthful appearance

- defined face especially the jaw but not harshly defined, some say its like if you gave a baby facial structure

- high cheek bones

- symmetrical features

- proportional body

so below i’m gonna include pictures of nicki minaj from her 20s which is considered your physical prime before you start aging

|IN CONCLUSION|

- we don’t know what nicki minaj’s rising sign at the moment but i will bet money it’s not a damn aquarius rising. i was looking at the charts of her lovers and husband and their placements would make sense in this hypothetical chart i’ve made so i might make a post about that. - seemy 💕

© seemy cee 2023 all rights reserved

[ifollowmagicalrivers]

the heartbreak prince

it’s you and me that's my whole world

i didn't choose this town i dream of getting out

voted most likely to run away there’s escape in escaping

we could share a lifeline..

or just be —

little did i know..

.

.

.

.

.

.

just a normal conversation with friend(s) before I tripped

ending up

even deeper

down below

high above

[yannaryartside]

The importance of SydLuca for Sydcarmy

"This is what you wanted"

This may be a controversial one, I originally shipped MarcusxLuca more, but that may still be my OTP alongside Sydcarmy (both ships will happen at the show's end). This may be shipper delusions, but I have a narrative-based argument.

Let me explain why I think Luca and Sydney's dating, cooking, and working together, as well as their falling in love, are essential to the show's themes.

Character development for Carmy

Guys, the reason it would be so significant for Carmy’s character development (reality check) that Sydney develops feelings for Luca is because Luca has admitted Carmy is better than him in the kitchen.

Carmy made the menu, the restaurant, all about himself. He wants to be the hero to compensate his emotional absence and issues. It gives him validation, the toxic narrative that all abuse is worth if you become the best.

The meaning of “this is what you wanted”

He kept telling Syd: “this is what you wanted,” because that’s what he learned from his toxic chef. He may not be intentionally abusing Sydney as his boss abused him, but he is still prolonging the toxic dynamics he learned to survive in the Empire, thinking that if he can get a star, it will all be worth it in the end. The pain, the guilt, feeling lost. It would prove there is nothing wrong with him.

But it would also let him keep Sydney’s admiration (and her affection) he does what to be the best also because she came to his life saying “you are the best cdc in the best restaurant in the world” he thinks he needs to be the best in order for Sydney to ever want him in any way (friend/partner/romantic interest)

Which is obviously not true because Syd has stayed with Carmy while he has been anything but emotionally absent, a bad friend and ultimately a bad boss and even a bad chef, if we believe that last review calling him “uninspiring and chaotic”

Enters Luca

But then Luca will come in and steal his girl. A man with less awards, less known. Inferior in the culinary world. But Luca is (as far as we can see, specially in Forever) emotionally intelligent, present and kind. All the things Carmy could be if he deployed himself from his toxic narratives.

To be honest, the fact that Luca is physically everything that Carmy is insecure about himself (his height, face, being funny and intelligent) is kind of the cherry on top.

You can almost see his Pikachu face. "So you are telling me that I could have Syd if I was willing to be emotionally vulnerable and do the work?" (Carmy represents the whole male species right there.)

SYDNEY SIDE OF THE STREET.

The line "is scary to rely on someone" she told Marcus could be telling us two things:

1.Syd doesn't know how to be truly emotionally vulnerable, maybe because of previous (recent) heartbreak (the 3 swords tattoo).

2. Syd is scared to rely on Carmy

And next season, this man will probably be even less reliable; he spent this whole season fantasizing and thinking Claire was the solution to all his problems. And I don't have any reason to believe that pursuing her will not be his goal next season, either. Some people even speculate that the next season will end in a fake ending, with Claire and Carmy leaving for Copenhagen and all that. Then we could have a surprise 5th season to entail all the lies. (this show has bo be put on trial)

So, if Sydney is scared of being emotionally vulnerable, sadly, she cannot learn that with Carmy. Not with the present one.

She should go on her own and stop relying emotionally and financially on Carmy for a while to get to know herself and what she wants, build a career that doesn't depend on him, trust in her own strength, grow and be confident, learn to love and be loved, and live a love that is not based 50% on struggle and 50% on hope.

So, when they decide to be together, both can start from a healthy place. The connection is there, and they still have a date with destiny.

[schneiderenjoyer]

Arcanist's "Perception" & The Unseen World

Hello! I'm back at it again with a fascinating look into analyzing new information from the recent event in global that help solidify certain headcanons and theories I have about arcanist genetics/behavior and how much more they're different from humans.

It focuses on the Meditator's Realm and how it supports something I've already had assumptions on and that is:

Arcanists can tangibly see and interact with things others, mostly humans, can't. This apply to other arcanists as well even if some can theoretically perceive them.

This is a long read, so take your time.

Let's start with what I mean by their perception creating tangibility on what an arcanist can see and interact with. Arcanists are highly sensitive to strong emotions and their thought process works differently on how they manage it. Using Kaalaa Baunaa as an example, we can see how she manifests stress and anxiety as a literal monster stalking her with the proposal papers as its "anchor" or main source of the strong emotions:

This is one of the many ways arcanists "perceive" emotions that makes sense to them and through Deep Meditative Thought (Gnosis), they can compartmentalize it into a more coherent structure that would be more similar to how humans deal with strong emotional response without it manifesting into strong "hallucinations."

But are they really hallucinations?

Not quite. While the emotional state can be seen as delusions, they're very much real to arcanists for one specific reason: Their core. I forgot the actual term they use for it (it could actually just be Gnosis honestly), but one of the biggest biological difference between humans and arcanists is that arcanists apparently have some kind of stone in their brain that's theorized to be the deciding factor of how they can use arcanum and "perceive" wild things.

But the "delusions", according to humans, are actual solid things the arcanists can interact with. They're tangible and real, but invisible to the naked eye with only a particular set of individuals being able to "see" them. These unseeing things becomes what's known as "myths" or "cryptids" to humans. But even arcanists find it hard to perceive these things as they're not specialized in it.

We can see this in Tooth Fairy.

While other arcanists can see the tooth fairies in her jar (which has unique properties meant to contain them), the "other fairies" that surround her constantly and more freely are invisible to them both in sight and hearing.

This leads me to believe that each arcanists see many "unseen things" differently and purely based on their skills and capabilities, but have the potential to "see" what other arcanists see either with the right tools (anchor) or enough practice.

People who try to "perceive" these things without proper training or equipment to "observe" them carefully can lead to a lot of mental distress, even insanity. Commonly humans because:

Humans are creatures that go by the motto of "Fact over fiction" or "Seeing is believing", but when actually facing the truth of things, they buckle under the pressure.

But that doesn't mean arcanists are immune to these effects either.

This is one of Baby Blue's "items" that she brought back from "Wonderland" and it's unstable and imperfect. Even UTTU's arcanist staff slowly lose the sense to properly "perceive" the item if they look too long both because it's incomplete and it's an "unseen thing" that only Baby Blue has fully deciphered in her head. It's a tangible, solid shape to her, but a confusing distorted attempt to mimic the real thing to others. It could also be due to the fact it's not from their world, but from "Wonderland", a place slightly different from their own.

But how did she manage to bring it into reality that even untrained arcanist eyes can "perceive" it with only minor consequences of lengthy observation to it?

This is where the Meditator's Realm comes into play.

It's described as a Realm that "mirrors" reality that can be entered through a special meditative form and connects the Deep Thought (Gnosis) of arcanists to it, allowing them to explore and interact with it to some degree.

Kaalaa Baunaa even compares it to dreaming, but more specifically she's referring to what humans call Lucid Dreaming. It's a form of astral projection where the soul disconnects from the body after entering REM sleep. A deep meditative state achieved through sleep. This is further supported from Baby Blue's interview about "Wonderland":

The implication is staggering as this could mean that even humans can enter this realm through lucid dreaming, but can't achieve as great of an influence there as arcanists who are naturally born to view everything in reality as different. The Meditator's Realm could be proof of a parallel world anyone can access with enough skill and resources.

Like the Manus Vindictae.

Their goals for wanting to reverse the world is still unknown, but with the new insight about the Meditator's Realm, we can speculate that how the Storm operates is through the collapse and bridging between "Reality" and a "Mirrored Reality." And with the Manus' intention of "bringing the world to the right course of history", the possibility of them selecting one of these parallel worlds and attempt to merge it with theirs by "erasing" parts to later glue fragments from another into it is more and more possible.

And an arcanist's ability to "perceive" the unseen realms becomes a very prevalent key to surviving a Storm.

Because with this, they can see the "in between" and the moment "reality" and the "mirrored world" starts conflicting before the Storm takes everything away due to the unstable consequences of bringing two worlds together.

They're still not immune when the Storm actually arrives, but just simply being able to "see" the signs gives them an advantage in braving it.

TLDR; Arcanists not only think differently from humans, but can see and interact with things far beyond the scope of "reality" that even other arcanists find hard to understand without training or an anchor.

The Meditator's Realm could be potential proof of parallel worlds and could be how the Manus dictates the course of what era they want to reach. As well as the unstable collision between "reality" and the "mirrored world" could be how the Storm operates.

Thank you for reading! Hope this fascinates you into thinking other theories about the Meditator's Realm and what could this mean for the world lore and arcanists.

[caseyscraftycorner]

hey folks, this is a long one, so before i get into it i'll just put the tldr here: i'm gonna be stepping away from social media for a while. i may still post sometimes, i (probably) wont disappear entirely. but i'm going to be taking a step back and focusing on my health for a bit.

okay, long version under the cut. CWs for bipolar one and psychosis.

i'm pretty open about my mental illnesses, at least the shapes of them, and that is not limited to tumblr. if anything, i am actually less open about them here than i am irl. there's several reasons for this openness, chief among them being that i believe it is good for people like me -- people who have "severe" or "scary" mental illnesses, who are seen as normal by others -- to be open about their experiences if they have the freedom and stability to do so safely.

in 2021, after about a decade of symptoms, i was finally diagnosed with bipolar 1 with psychotic and ocd features. with the diagnosis came treatment options that stabilized me so much that not only have i been stable since 2021, i also managed to quit therapy in 2022 -- and i had been in therapy since I was 7 years old.

bipolar as an illness is complicated. especially bipolar one, and especially with psychotic features. its a complication i managed to survive navigating for over a decade of no treatment, but it is, still, complicated. I experience severe depressions and worse manias. i also experience a particular hell known as "mixed episodes" which are basically all of the self-hatred of depression and all of the motivation and impulsivity of mania, which is about as dangerous as you would expect. add in the fact that i get psychosis basically instantly when i am manic (or mixed) and it becomes easy to see how this shit ends up really messy really fast.

now, as i said earlier, my medication works well for me. it has kept me stable for the last 4-ish years. but treating bipolar is always very tricky, and that is for three main reasons:

first, the medications are harsh and difficult to balance. too much and the side effects become unbearable, too little and they don't work. in addition, 'breakthrough episodes' -- mood episodes that occur while on medication -- are normal. it is essentially impossible to eliminate breakthrough episodes without worsening quality of life substantially. i (like many people with bipolar one) take enough medication that i don't get dangerously manic or depressed, and my little episodes are limited to no more than about a week or two a year.

second, bipolar, like many mental illnesses, is stress triggered. both my episode frequency and my episode severity are heavily tied to how stressed i am. if i can keep my stress minimal, i can keep my episodes infrequent and mild. i am, genuinely, very good at managing stress. i can take a lot before the consequences start to show.

third, like many with bipolar one, when i get a Bad Episode -- whether it's depression so bad i cant leave my bed or mania so severe i have lost touch with reality -- i have roughly 12-48 hours warning, and that's if im lucky. oh, and that warning comes in the form of mild mania or depression symptoms that i may or may not actually have the awareness to understand.

the reason i am spelling it out like this (besides, again, that i believe it to be important to talk about) is to demonstrate to you just how similar my brain is to a bomb. if i get too stressed and my medication cannot keep up with my symptoms, i will very rapidly enter an episode, and my episodes can become life-destroyingly severe near instantly.

everyone is stressed right now, because everything sucks. i don't need to explain that to you. but also, to call current events triggering is an understatement -- delusions i experienced for years are genuinely happening right now, and i can feel the pressure starting to build internally.

so. i'm taking a break. because i have to. because i can't not take a break right now.

i want to stress that i am safe. my husband has a good income and we have lots of savings, should we need them. i have friends and family and support to get me through this.

it wont be easy, not by any measure. but ive been through hell before. I know how to hunker down and keep myself alive, so that's what im going to do. and it'll suck, of course it'll suck. but i'll make it through this, and that's what's important right now: just making it through this.

[justaghostingon]

The Cost of the Crown

An inazuma au, because canon has disappointed me, and moral conundrums are fun.

What if Kokomi knew about the delusions?

Think about it: Kokomi is a War general fighting a losing battle against undiscribeable odds. Her home doesn’t have the soil to maintain the kind of food her army needs, she needs every help she can get.

So when the Fatui approach with an offer of a weapon on par with a vision, she’d jump at the chance.

But Kokomi’s no fool. She knows the fatui are only allies for as long as their goals aline, and that doesn’t make them trustworthy. She tests one out on herself and clocks the energy drain right away.

Now an ordinary person would chuck the delusion in the other direction and run at that point, but not Kokomi. She’s desperate. She is very aware that she is fighting a war. And a bloody one at that. Most of her men are going to die. There’s no getting around it. Can she really give up any advantage, no matter how dangerous? Would it be better if her doomed could use that life to get in a few good punches with a delusion before they inevitably succumb?

She decides to test it out. From the fatui stationed nearby she knows some people can weild it longer than others. So she asks Gorou to gather several trusted men, and bring them to her tent.

She then lays down the truth to them, that delusions are dangerous, but could provide a boost in power. She asks them if they are willing to test them out. This is not a mission, she will not order them to risk their lives. It is completely up to them.

The trusted men accept, one of them being Teppei. They are warriors after all, and risking their lives is something they do every day.

Kokomi tries to be cautious. She limits the times each man can use a delusion. Keeps them under lock and key, personally monitors the men’s health to see that the drainage isn’t to bad.

She also asks the traveler, a known weilder of elemental power without a vision, to train the men, so they can master their use quickly and safely.

She tells the traveler of what delusions are and their risks, but she does not tell them she got them from the fatui. The fatui and the traveler share a grudge, and she does not want said grudge to cloud the travelers mind while they train her men.

For a little while, it works. The traveler fights side by side with teppei and the other delusion weilders, and they’re proud of how powerful their students have become

Then it all starts to go wrong.

Teppei starts rapidly aging after a battle, and despite the traveler immediately removing the delusion, it does no good, Teppei dies to quickly to be saved.

The traveler is devistated, wracked with guilt over their hand in Teppei’s fate. They break into Kokomi’s files looking for answers and discover the delusions are from the fatui

Angry, the traveler confronts Kokomi, who is equally devistated at Teppei’s fate. Blaming herself for making a bad call but…

This is war. Men die every day. Sometimes by the thousands. Teppei was one man. He died, but his actions in that battle saved hundreds.

No one knows that better then Kokomi. She’s a war general. Sending men to their deaths is a reality she must face every day.

She tells the traveler the hard truth. This isn’t a fairy tale, or an adventure story. The heroes don’t always succeed. And freedom is a price paid in the blood of soldiers.

Does she want to let the men continue to use the delusions? Of course not! But she gave that choice to the men who hold them. They knew the risks a delusion posed. She could order the men to give them back, she knows they’d listen to her. But as a general, she knows she cannot. Not over the fate of one man.

However, she does know the traveler can pull off miracles. She’s heard what they’ve done in Liyue and Mondstat. So she offers the traveler a deal, strictly off the books. She will confiscate the delusions, for now, If the traveler can successfully find a way to match the delusion’s power in battle.

As a war general, she can only give the traveler a couple of weeks to pull this off. But as the head shrine maiden of Watasumi, she begs the traveler to succeed.

Now the Traveler is doubly motivated. Both to avenge Teppei, who they trained, and to save the rest of Watasumi: from those who would throw their life away on delusions, to the gentle war general who despite everything, has not given up hope.

[thewaysomesciencefictiondoes505]

Kalopsia - part 1 / short story

I wrote this story nearly two years ago, but I didn't know where to post it. I figured some arctic monkeys fans might enjoy it. I wrote it with the song nº1 party anthem in mind. Please tell me if you like it, and if I should continue this story!

___________________________________________________________

Kalopsia, part 1

What is the secret to finding your passion? College taught me that some people discover their raison d’être without much deliberation. Those lucky ones share the same glint in their eyes, catching glimpses of their future at the turn of a page. This gentle self-reflection remains an incomprehensible concept to me, and their apparent success is a constant reminder of the monotony I live in. Asking questions became predictable, followed always by silence. I’m haunted by a plethora of unpursued passions. The answers seem to exist near me, in every footstep from my bed to the kitchen, waiting for me to notice. If I could only stretch my arm a little more, perhaps I would be able to faintly touch that confident explanation. But the night is starting to greet us earlier, and no matter how tightly I grasp the memories of summer, the echoes of those voices aren’t enough to keep me warm. The year is coming to an end, and nothing has changed. What appears to be obvious to others remains a mystery to me. Staring at the night sky gives comfort to some people, not because of the beauty intrinsic to it, but because of the contradiction it conveys. It’s the known and unknown coexisting, the nothingness shaking hands with significance. Your doubts dissolve into the void, painting the late hours of dawn like a dream. 

This feeling arose stronger than before as a consequence of my decision to spend the evening in a different place. The tedium persuaded me to change the scenery. A lonely pub doesn’t quite sound like the greatest setting for self-reflection, but the unlikelihood of being seen there made it the perfect location. It also allowed my thoughts to wander, instead of focusing on my current overwhelming uncertainty, hindering my chances of change. 

I wish I could bring home that atmosphere, or at least melt into it and become one with the air. 

It’s quite hidden, barely visible during the day, let alone at night. The passersby could easily fail to notice the entrance. The door itself is plain and uninteresting, only displaying a sign with the word ‘kalopsia’ without any other information. It doesn’t have bright, flashy lights pointing at the door, asking you to come in. The color of the letters faded, leaving only a touch of what once was red and gold. The exterior blends in with the city, old and outdated. When night arrives, the pub succeeds in disappearing completely. 

I saw that sign for the first time on my way to work some weeks ago. I took an alternative route, hoping to listen to more people living their lives, walking their dogs, spilling coffee, bumping into each other by accident, or criticizing a badly parked car. Kalopsia is the delusion of things appearing more beautiful than they are. The word itself made me intrigued. After thinking about the pub for weeks, I researched it online. The website didn’t show any pictures of the interior, only the menu, as well as the address. I admit there was a feeling of anticipation, like a strange enthusiasm for the unknown. The mysterious nature of the pub was impossible to deny, and that only made me more interested in it. The unpredictable atmosphere drew me in, but the need to forget my reality was the principal factor for my decision. A few people were walking directly toward the entrance, but their footsteps sounded confident. Their shoes hit the ground with certainty, each step filled with purpose, echoing and signaling their arrival. Mine were more cautious, afraid of feeling out of place.

The door opened softly. There were mirrors on every wall and golden lamps on every round table. It was still fairly empty and quiet, or at least it appeared that way. The reflections on the mirrors made the pub look bigger than it truly was. The dark wooden tables and golden decorations made it look like an elegant and sophisticated place, a huge contrast with the view from the outside. The few customers inside were focused, and no one batted an eye as I closed the door and walked nervously to the furthest table I saw. It was obvious that the regular customers would simply aim for a specific table, and despite no words being exchanged, a drink would be put in their hands. The lamps didn’t offer much light, illuminating only the drinks in front of them. Not even a minute had passed when a tall man approached me with the question I hadn’t thought about all evening. It’s rare to visit such places, and the knowledge of drinks was nonexistent. I muttered what came to mind: whiskey. The glass landed in my hands before I could change my mind. The shadows hide my face. The glass in my hands looks more alive than I do. I swirled the whiskey and listened to the ice cubes hitting the glass. All I have is a temporary job and an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. Instead of focusing on changing it, I'm at an unknown pub during the evening without a plan. The endless questions decided to walk into my mind uninvited, an annoying “guest” that doesn't quite understand when it’s time to go. I was unaware of how tightly my fingers were grasping the glass until a door cracking open shifted my attention entirely. 

He felt like a ghost hidden inside the walls, waiting for the perfect moment to make his appearance. An intimidating demeanor that doesn’t quite fit with the mood. A juxtaposition. Yet, he waltzed in unnoticed by the others. Light painted his movements as he walked across the wooden floor, sunglasses dangling in his hand with each step. He was wearing black denim jeans, a black v-neck shirt, and a slim-fitted leather jacket. Every detail of his clashed with the atmosphere of this place. Nevertheless, his small mannerisms were, somehow, captivating. Unbothered. Calm. I could hear someone hurriedly making a drink, so his presence must be usual. 

The glass slipped from my fingers, hitting the table with a loud thud. I hastily tried to find a napkin to clean up the spilled whiskey. His steps sounded closer, each step counting the seconds it took me to pretend I wasn’t embarrassed. As he walked past me, a slight wind hit my face, intoxicating me with his presence. The glass never touched my lips, and the embarrassment didn’t let me ask for another drink. I slumped back onto my chair, doubtful of my decision to visit this place, but at the same time intrigued by the man who had lazily sat near me. 

We were separated only by an empty table, allowing us to face each other. As much as I hated to admit it, I was mesmerized by his presence. His eyes were merely fixed on the wooden table. He was thinking about something else entirely. I wasn’t sure if he planned to come here or if it was a last-minute decision. Does he come here often? I shouldn’t care about him at all, but I found myself wondering who he was. I spent so much time asking myself unanswerable questions that directing those interrogations to someone else reassured me, even if I would never know the answers.

As I wondered what could have led him here this evening, he lazily lifted his hand and grabbed the glass, occasionally tapping it with his fingers. I tried to ignore his existence, but something as simple as looking away seemed impossible. Everything about him was the antithesis of my reflection. Calm, confident, relaxed. All of him was a mystery, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he sounded like. My thoughts must have been loud because the silence surrounding us changed almost immediately. 

“You’ll be able to see me in your dreams by now,” he said, smirking.

His voice, deep and velvety, traveled in the air with ease. The words rolled off his tongue like poetry. How long did my internal monologue last? 

“Staring won’t do you any good.” He straightened his back, still looking at the drink in his hand. “If you want to talk, then join me.” 

He shifted his attention to me, observing my reaction in detail. 

“Sorry, I didn’t notice I was staring,” I said, in a foolish attempt to sound confident. I was indeed looking at him, who knows how long, and I couldn’t come up with a better lie. Even if I did, he would see through me, certainly.

“It’s alright,” he said, reassuring me. He dragged the glass closer to him and gestured to the chair in front of him. I almost instinctively got up, but something in the back of my mind begged me to take a moment. Why did I decide to walk through that door? Was it the simple need to change the scenery or a silent hope that my questions would meet their answers? Before I could truly ponder my options, I stood up quickly. I caught his eyes following my steps. 

A smug grin appeared momentarily as he watched me sit on the chair, finally close to him. I heard his foot scrape the floor under the table, to avoid touching my legs. His eyes were dark brown, matching his short hair falling on his face. He swiftly moved the strands that were bothering him away from his eyes. The weak light coming from the lamp cast small shadows on his face, making him seem more like a sculpture than a person. I feared that if I looked at him for too long, he would turn into a puff of smoke and dissipate in the air. However, my eyes were fixed on his, and the way he observed me made it seem like he knew exactly what I was thinking, a defeat I would never truly recover from. 

The silence was broken by his smoky tone.

“I’ve never seen you here before.” He said calmly, a hint of curiosity leaving his lips.

“So I’m guessing you come here often?” I asked, this time in a more successful, confident tone.

“Whenever I need to,” he answered, without a care in the world, as if it was the most obvious fact about that evening.

Many people must walk past this place every day, yet it was fairly empty. You could count the number of people inside with your fingers, but all of them were regular customers. That was obvious. The drinks being put in their hands seconds after their arrival made it obvious, and all of them spent the evening alone. I felt out of place, unaware of this pub’s existence until a few weeks ago. 

“Did someone recommend this pub to you? Or did you know about it before?” I asked, suddenly curious about what his answer would be. Besides, the silence between us felt too natural, almost as if no words needed to be said to be understood. I could be imagining things, allowing the atmosphere to change the outcome of our meeting. Now I understand the name of the pub.

“You either look for it, or it finds you,” he replied. “I have a feeling this place found you,” he paused. “Am I right?”

He looked at me, attentive and careful, patiently waiting for a revelation. The glass of whiskey was forgotten. With his eyes staring at mine, my thoughts were no longer hidden. I was left with no words to explain them, much to his amusement. 

“I saw the sign, kalopsia. It sounded interesting, so I walked inside.”

“As simple as that?” he asked, exaggerating a shocked reaction.

“Yes, as simple as that.”

He knew. That sign wasn’t the only reason. To be honest, I couldn’t truly explain the reason why I left my apartment on such a cold, lonely evening. His facial expression was mocking how bad of a liar I was at that moment. 

“You didn’t just stumble into this pub; that’s obvious.” He laid his elbows on the table, leaning closer to me. His fingers intertwined under his chin. “You’re like everybody else in here, looking for answers.”

A strand of hair fell to his eyes again, but he didn’t push it away this time. He smelled like cigarette smoke. He was looking at me like he knew me. I couldn’t help but lean closer too, the distance between us disappearing with each sentence. We don’t even know each other's names.

“So I guess you’re exactly like me?”

I figured, why should I stop myself from knowing more about him?

“No doubt about that.” He answered, smiling. 

A simple answer to a simple question. Still, I hoped he would say more. Despite clashing with the atmosphere of the pub, he looked the most at home. Comfortable in conversation, calm yet mysterious, saying only enough details to keep me guessing. I wonder what else he could deduce just by looking at me. I noticed one of his eyebrows raised now and then, his eyes searching for meaning in every movement. The most obvious detail in that conversation was how words could say less than seconds of silence. That place, the faint lighting surrounding us, the mirror’s images of infinity, and his presence in front of me, everything felt like a dream, a story meant to live only in books.

Afraid to disrupt the quiet moment, my shaky voice was barely audible.

“Have you found the answers you’ve been looking for?” 

“Not yet, but I’m hopeful.” 

Another vague explanation. He simply took a sip of whiskey and waited patiently for me to continue. I was determined to know more, and he was aware of it.

“So… Do you think you’ll get your answers this evening?” I scoffed, “Like some sort of epiphany?” 

“You sound doubtful,” he grinned. “Did I just sense some annoyance in your voice?” That smile. I knew he wasn’t over it yet, pausing for just enough time to look me in the eyes.

“Or incredulity?” he finished, allowing me a minute to think about it.

I couldn’t help but sound more annoyed than I truly was. Perhaps his vagueness was starting to rile me up. Or perhaps he was right. I was truly in disbelief at the idea that hope could lead us to an epiphany on a normal autumn evening. Just the simplicity of it was like a mock to the countless months of searching and failing to find the final answer.

I had to sound more confident, and the sudden anger, or incredulity as he put it, would certainly help.

“It just doesn’t make sense that someone like you, or me, could simply hold on to hope,” I said. “It’s like believing in love at first sight; it’s a waste of time and—”

“Why would that be a waste of time?” He asked instantly, curiosity taking over his voice.

“How could it not?” 

“Well, someone could meet a stranger and feel an immediate connection, right?” He said, pronouncing each word clearly, never letting his smile fade, “Don’t act like you don’t know what that feels like.”

I didn’t allow myself to think about that final comment. He could’ve omitted that from the discussion, but being right was more important to him. 

“Okay, but the concept itself? It doesn't happen in real life, only in fairytales or something similar,” I paused. ”It's fiction.”

That word came out like poison. Nothing ends blissfully in real life; happy endings exist only in stories. That was a conclusion I reached without the help of hopeful epiphanies.

He was deep in thought. His mask fell for a moment, trying to find the right words. In the meantime, the waiter brought another glass of whiskey to our table despite none of us asking for it. I couldn’t tell if it was meant for him or me. With two glasses between us, he finally decided to speak.

“If you refuse to believe that good things can happen, you won’t even notice when they knock on your door.” He talked slower, staring intensely at me, letting his low voice capture my full attention. Every word sounded important, like a key to unlock a steel door. “You’d be running away from a possibility of happiness,” he paused, turning almost into a whisper, “a serendipity.”

I was struck with a feeling I haven't recognized in a long time. He finished what was left of his drink in a second, making me suddenly aware of the rings on his fingers, hitting the glass as he laid it back on the table. The ice cubes had practically melted. A pointless detail I noticed, yet another one to add to the list of things I would remember about this night.

He was right, though. If we immediately push back the possibility of serendipity, it can easily disappear as suddenly as it arrived. Hope is a funny thing, meant to ease our pain and bring comfort. I have always disregarded it and continuously considered it a waste of time. 

I don’t know how long I was quiet, holding the glass in front of me without ever thinking about bringing it to my lips. It was his hand touching mine that made me focus on him again. His eyes looked different from what they looked like before, softer and calmer, just like his voice.

“You walked through that door for a reason. Everyone that comes in here has something to face, or an answer to find,” he said, “You don’t walk through that door unless you still feel hopeful… Who knows, you might even find that epiphany.” 

Maybe that was the reason I decided to come to this pub. A silly thought that a mysterious place hidden in plain sight could somehow change my perspective and offer me something new and interesting. Perhaps it wasn’t silly at all, having met someone that helped me reach a conclusion. Well, not necessarily a conclusion, but more like a step towards the right path that will lead to one. Then, walking through that door was truly worth it. And perhaps it was worth it for the other people that found this place and were intrigued by the name. Kalopsia is truly the correct word to define this place.

Yet, something still lingered in the back of my mind.

“Are you implying that there’s like a magical force that tempts you to come inside?” I asked, “It’s just a pub, like any other.”

“We both know that’s not what you really think.”

His small, kind smile turned into a smirk once again. Lost in thought, the glass in his hand moved slowly in circles, and what was left of the ice cubes melted completely. 

He was right about many things tonight, starting with our instant connection, drawing us closer with each word. The conversation made me acutely aware of how I saw myself and my life and how the concept of hope shouldn’t be dismissed. I was still looking for answers, but this moment we shared was enough to make me more interested in what the future could offer. The decision to leave my apartment led me to meet him, serendipity. 

While glancing back at his empty drink, I noticed my reflection in the mirror next to us. He wasn’t the only one smirking. I was smiling too, subconsciously copying his demeanor. We both shared a look through the mirror’s reflection, and I noticed his confidence slip away for just a moment, struggling to find the final sentence to end this conversation.

It was getting late, so I helped him find the words.

“Why did you walk inside…” I said, catching him stealing a look at my lips. “What answer were you hoping to find?”

A chuckle echoed in my ears. He was back to his confident self, and the final sentence was everything I could have wished to hear, leaving enough mystery for another conversation.

“That’s up to you to find out.” 

His voice resonated in my chest, a low, smooth sound I would never forget. I knew that was the end of this conversation. At least for today. He took some money out of his wallet and put it on the table. I knew he had paid for my drink as well. The chair in front of me was suddenly empty, and I knew this was the right time to say goodbye for now.

“I hope I’ll see you again someday,” he said, resting his hand on my shoulder for a second longer. The conversation was about to end. I felt it, and so did he. Yet, I couldn’t let him leave without a final sentence on my part.

“I don’t even know your name,” I said, curious about his reaction. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again.”

“As you said, we’ll see each other again, so why rush?”

He didn’t say goodbye definitely, and neither did I. I watched him walk towards the door, memorizing every detail. 

I was suddenly alone again, with two glasses in front of me, one untouched and the other one empty. The door closed, but it didn’t feel like an ending. It definitely didn’t feel like an ending. And that was enough.