#Also Dean is actually good with Jack in this one because. Wish fulfillment.

[michaelmilligan]

Dare I ask about catboy Cas?

You've dared. I'm not sure you want to know but here we go. XD

So, this is a Destiel A/B/O thing, with Dean as an Alpha and Cas as am Omega. It's basically arranged marriage, except they have some modicum of say in who they will marry.

Cas is a 'catboy' in the sense that there are a few people (generally Omegas) in the world who for some reason have cat ears and a tail. (Yes, I watched too much anime in my life. Sorry, not sorry.) Those 'cat Omegas' are treated even worse than regular Omegas.

Anyway, this is mostly about Dean and Cas meeting and doing the whole marriage thing because they're both pressured into it by their parents. Cas was married before and has a kid from that relationship (kid Jack my beloved). There's no mpreg in this story, Cas cannot bear children as a cis man.

The whole thing takes place in a modern setting (pretty much our current time). Dean and John are hunters in the sense that they're hired to capture dangerous criminals (kind of like the Huntercorp universe except without monsters). Sam lives in California, studying to become a lawyer.

So yeah, the focus of the story is Dean and Cas and how they learn more about each other and about how to live with each other, with some side characters thrown into the mix (unfortunately including John, who needs to get punched by Cas at least once I think, but also Bobby, Gadreel, Charlie, Benny and others).

I don't know if anyone would ever want to read this, but have a snippet anyway (under the cut):

Suddenly, a child's voice broke through the constant buzz of the lobby below. It was just loud enough for them to make out the words: “Daddy, daddy!” Dean spotted a small child standing by the door, waving at them.

Castiel's face lit up so much Dean was surprised it didn't blind him instantly. Then Castiel's expression turned so soft it made Dean's heart melt.

“Jack?” Dean guessed, and Castiel turned to him, obviously trying to school his face.

“Yes. He... I'm sorry, he shouldn't be here yet.”

“Well, now that he is...” Dean gestured down to the lobby. “You don't wanna go and say hi?”

Castiel hesitated, looking between the stairs and Dean. “That would be rude. We're still...” He motioned towards the meeting room.

“Pretty sure they ain't missing us in there.” Dean shrugged and started walking towards the stairs. It didn't take long until Castiel followed him.

“Are you sure it's okay?”

“Come on. He's your son, you can't just let him stand there.” Dean knew from experience what it was like to be ignored by your own father in favour of some strangers, and he wasn't going to be the reason that the kid would feel like that.

“Daddyyyy,” Jack squealed, coming up towards them on the stairs. It was only now that Dean realized there was someone with the kid, a tall guy dressed in pretty formal clothes who seemed torn between holding the kid back and letting him get to his dad. It also took Dean a moment to realize that like his dad, Jack also had cat ears and a tail, though both in the same brown that his hair was.

In the end, Jack got his will and clutched at his dad's leg.

“Hello, Jack.” Castiel was smiling radiantly again, and he picked the child up in his arms, then carried him back down the stairs.

Dean was impressed. The kid was five, according to what Naomi had said, so he couldn't exactly have been light.

“I'm sorry, sir. We got here earlier than expected and he really wanted to go into the building,” the tall guy explained, glancing at Dean shortly before concentrating back on Castiel. “I thought you would still be in the meeting room...”

“It's okay, Gadreel. Technically, we still are in the meeting. This is... you know. His name is Dean.” Castiel set Jack down and crouched in front of him. “Did you want to see me, Jack?”

“Yes, daddy.” The kid's expression turned sheepish. “Gadreel said that if I was patient, I could have some nougat. But I wasn't patient.”

[shallowseeker]

Almost victory

How Dean and Cas lost the thread of free will in SPN season 15

In 15x12, Dean and Cas lose their ever-lovin, god-damned minds and I’m not over it. Neither one of them gravitate to freedom but to revenge and destiny (respectively). They both come to their senses, but for each it's a bit too late.

Towards the end of season 15, the weight shifts, and suddenly it's Sam and Jack who are more keenly uneasy with the ongoing machinations. Meanwhile, and Dean and Cas actually lean too far into trusting each other and everyone around them…to their little makeshift family’s detriment.

It has this awful vibe of, “Everything will work out because we have and believe in each other.” Uhm, no. Guys.

///

Sam:

Sam, outvoted...

///

Jack:

Apprehensive, ill at ease...

—

Jack is uneasy...just follow the rules.

///

Anyway, Sam has the best moral compass at this point in the story.

And Dean and Cas...suck right now.

This scene with the celebratory tone and the drinking in episode 12? I want to reach through the screen and shake them, beg them to question one another.

This is what Chuck taunts with his actors Adam and Seraphina later, and I think Dean’s reaction to them is unsettled, like he’s unconsciously aware Chuck is mocking his need for revenge. (Hell, it’s Chuck that shows control over the “rib bomb” in the same episode. Walked right into the trap, boys.)

Anyway, these poor giddy losers. They lose it right here in 15x12. I’ve never wished for them to argue more than I did at this goddamned moment, like. They should be equally ashamed for what they’re putting on Jack here…and what’s worse is that they’re on board with each other about what they’re putting on him. Fatal character flaws on display.

///

Cas - Jack’s big cosmic destiny, blind faith in the plan (partially redeemed when he talks to Jack about being enough as he is in episode 18)

Dean - Jack’s big cosmic revenge, also blind faith in Billie (partially redeemed when he kills death to get to jack; when he decides not to kill Chuck in 19)

///

Anyway, they could be lovingly fucking their entire way through this awful conversation and it would still feel misguided.

Idiots.

I mean, I feel bad for them. They’ve lost their kid and are angry at god, which is such an eloquent allegory for what actually happens when you lose a kid, but they are not dealing. Neither is choosing freedom.

Dean wants to eliminate the threats to the family (and gain freedom). Cas wants Jack to fulfill his destiny, whatever that means. It certainly sounds a bit euphemistic, like Cas wants to dress up a power grab.

I see this moment shared as some great moment but like…to me it’s objectively more worrying and frightening than their entire trial separation.

Sigh.

I don’t even care about the “I love you” all that much in season 15 Because what really hurts in season 15 is seeing them lose like this. I feel like 15x11 and 15x12 are masterclass exercises in the art of losing. 💔

Phrases like “we have no choice” and uneasy” and “being right” are wonderful phrases that show up again and again in the scripts. But when they “feel lost” and appeal to one another for guidance and spin around in a panic asking, “what do we do,” it heralds free will and is actually a good sign.

Dean and Cas needed to feel lost more often and they needed to get comfy with it. But they’re both commander-man-of-action types who want to protect and guard and eradicate threats, so they never quite manage to get there.

[orionsangel86]

I’ve been thinking a LOT this morning about this comparison that keeps getting drawn between what meta writers are saying now about 15x20 and Destiel and the JohnLock Conspiracy(TM) and aside from just linking you all back to THIS POST by @winchestersingerautorepair which explains it all perfectly anyway, I do feel the need to stress some very clear and very glaringly different points that basically prove outright that this situation is Not That.

1. We already have confirmed Canon Destiel. The romantic feelings are confirmed in text. Destiel is canon. Arguably currently textually unrequited canon (yeah right) but it IS canon. It’s also Word of God canon. Basically, where we currently are is actually more canon than even Aziraphale and Crowley ever were. You can NOT say the same for JohnLock.

2. The JohnLock Conspiracy was all about how the actual final episode of the show was a “fake” bad finale, and how they would release a secret finale which would fix everything and make JohnLock canon a few weeks later. There was zero actual evidence of this anywhere. (Sorry JohnLock shippers, I feel for you I really do, but I just couldn’t ever see any evidence that the secret good finale was ever gonna happen.)

In contrast, we haven’t seen the Supernatural finale yet. It actually is next week. This is FACT. 15x20 is not a figment of Destiel shippers imaginations. We really do have one episode left which hopefully will give us everything we wish for.

3. All of this comparison has come out of meta writers saying 15x19 was written like a finale. We are calling it a finale and that’s why for some reason we are being mocked and compared to the JohnLock conspiracy... but... did those people who mock us not watch 15x19?!? (or at least get a plot summary and watch the final 10 minutes like me).

I can’t speak for my own opinion on the episode being bad, as I haven’t watched it. I have seen reactions both saying it was bad, and others saying it was good, or funny, or “so bad it’s good” but like, whatever. The point is, it WAS a finale. It was the episode that wrapped up the mytharc plot, had a callback montage to brother best moments and had them driving off into the sunset together now they are finally free. Like??? Call it whatever you want, but that was a finale.

Which is WHHHYYYY its SO WEIRD that there is still one episode left. What could POSSIBLY BE OUTSTANDING?

4. So yes. the FACTS are that UNLIKE Sherlock, Supernatural DOES have two finales. This isn’t some conspiracy. It’s a fact. We can joke that 15x19 was the “bronly” finale, but however you wanna see it, that was a finale. 15x20 can only be the long epilogue. The episode that wraps up the entire show. The episode JohnLock shippers dreamed about.

I really don’t mean to rub salt in the wound either. I don’t wanna insult anyone who believed in the conspiracy at the time, because hope is a funny thing that can have devastating effects - believe me, I know. But mocking us and trying to say the two are the same thing is just... wrong.

We don’t know how 15x20 will play out. But we do know the following FACTS:

Chuck is defeated. The big bad is gone.

There are no raised stakes anymore

the brothers are free (textually they confirmed this)

Jack as the new God, has fulfilled Castiel’s prophecy that he would bring about peace and balance to the universe. It’s done.

There is no story left concerning any of these big plot points.

BUT

Castiel is still in the Empty

Sam didn’t reunite with Eileen

Dean hasn’t said a damn thing about Castiel’s textually explicity confession of homosexual love for him

These are literally the ONLY things left to wrap up. There is NO WAY that the finale is going to be just a brothers road trip, growing old together, meeting random women, having kids and saying “Castiel Adam Jack Winchester you are named after the bravest men I know” kind of ending! It would be UNTHINKABLE for Dabb to do that.

I am seriously rubbing my temples on this whole thing because there are still so many naysayers that are pissing me off - particularly certain wannabe SPN writer BBFs who steal meta from Tumblr and pawn it off as their own “journalism” spewing crap all over Twitter about the matter because they have super secret insider knowledge from people who worked on the show that confirmed Misha isn’t back.

Oh Misha’s not back you say? Fuck you. Seriously. Fuck you. Everyone knows he went back to filming. He confirmed it himself over and over again until the CW finally panicked and told him to shut his damn mouth and change his story. These are the same people who have been feeding rumours into fandom for years to misdirect us. The same people who probably convinced KNOWN DESTIEL SHIPPER and SPN writer Meghan Fiztmartin to laugh at, deny, and mock Destiel shippers on Twitter literally only a few weeks before IT WENT CANON. They are doing everything in their power to put us off the scent. They don’t want us to know Cas is back because the ENTIRE ENDING RESTS ON CAS COMING BACK AND IF WE ALL KNEW IT WOULD BE SPOILED. DESTIEL IS THE ENDGAME THEY DON’T WANT SPOILED.

This is not anything like the JohnLock conspiracy because we have actual facts to back it up. We have all the evidence, we have all the logic, the narrative is BEGGING for the love story to be wrapped up. Dean MUST use his words and tell Castiel he loves him. Even the General Audience at this point can see that. So I beg you, stop mocking us for something you don’t know anything about.

If there is ONE THING you should trust right now. It’s the meta writers. We are the ones who have been telling you for YEARS that Destiel is a thing. That there was writer intent. Hell, we even predicted Jack would become God in the end (like seriously anyone with any understanding of literary analysis could see it was going that way). Mocking us after we have already been validated by canon confirmation of the DeanCas romance is just idiotic at this point.

[estrel]

Hi ely, I've been following you for a long time, and I know before the finale you were pro dabb and now you don't like him, and like I was pretty much on the same page so I thought you would be the right person to ask. So I saw this post today that had an excerpt of an interview with dabb from like early 2020, and he talks about how the ending won't be a full circle thing and that he thinks that would be invaliding for the the story.

I just don't know what to think anymore, everything is so conflicted. Like what do you make of this? I've been pissed at Dabb and I get that there was also probably some network stuff going on but that's not stopped me from being pissed. This just sort of turned the tables on me and I don't know what Dabb did and didn't do

ohhh here's the thing. (also sorry for just now seeing this??) dabb wrote. like. a Lot of destiel episodes/content. let me just...dig up the hope vibes masterpost real quick...

here are some deancas eps he wrote (and a list of all the eps he wrote) in addition to 15x01 and 15x10 which were...you know... eps that drove forward the destiel plot for the season. he gave cas generally good plots, (like he literally wrote hunteri heroici and would make sam and dean allude to cas or speak on his behalf if he wasn’t in an episode) he wrote the widower arc prayer scene in 13x01 which i (and many others) thought would mean that he would like. show dean’s grief a lot more post-15x18. 

so really, honestly, the cards all lined up for dabb to not let us down in 15x20. you could argue that his mention of cas was fulfilled by the stupid scene with sam and dean and the pie (wherein dean basically goes “yeah, whatever” at the mention of cas and jack) or bobby’s “cas helped” but...this is the guy who. this is the guy who wrote “you’re gonna bring back cas, you’re gonna bring back mom” (HELLO?) and “he’s in love........with humanity” AND, like i mentioned before, 15x01 which was the beginning of the season’s deancas arc and last but not least,,

15x10 the heroes journey. which i have talked about quite a bit but oh my god. garth’s story was the example, the standard to live up to. he was breaking the cycle, and in this episode sam and dean learned this from him. dean admitted he could be capable of having a happy life/relationship. not to mention that the episode is called. The Heroes Journey. sam and dean are literally established (ALONG NEXT TO GARTH) as the heroes in this story. like point blank that is what is stated in this episode. then they tell you that hunter heroes like garth can get happy endings. (and might i remind you this is also the episode with “why lamp.”) so anyways, if dabb wrote this episode it would seem obvious that he didn’t want sam and dean’s story to go full circle and that he wanted them to ..like...complete the heroes’ journey. duh. obviously.

and yet, according to multiple sources and jensen’s overall dislike of the finale, dean’s death was always going to happen. so. personally, i think it might come down to the omitted scenes (which, okay, have not yet been verified but. think about how short that episode was. especially for the season finale of a fifteen year long show. then wipe that covid excuse straight from your mind as i point you to the bridge scene. yeah, covid my ass. anyways,) and what was pointedly left out of them. especially that mention of “if cas was here...” “he’s not.” like. if that shit is REAL? i think it might have been--on a meta level--dabb’s/the writer’s commentary on the fact that cas was not there if he was actually intended to be. 

i mean. if dean dying was always the ending, and dabb wrote 15x10 the heroes journey and all the very obvious parallels between dean and garth, then why lamp, AND “this baby keeps looking at me weird” “so kind of like the real cas?,” and ALSO stated he didn’t want their story to go full circle...well. then my thoughts lead me to believe that yeah, cas was at the very least supposed to be in dean’s heaven ending. 

misha confirmed the draft with jimmy novak was Legit (in a recent m&g iirc), but i feel like even this would have been a last ditch effort as a response to not being able to have cas in dean’s heaven bc homophobia that would have then been played off as a tragedy when dean doesn’t have cas there (this also opens up a whole ‘nother can of worms of like. “if dean’s heaven doesn’t have cas...then is it really Heaven at all?” but alas), if that makes sense. because the other puzzle pieces are matching up except for one and it’s infuriating to not just Know everything that went on because i’m sure there are lots of layers to it but all in all my opinion is that i’m Frustrated and Confused. 

signs point to cas being in the finale. then he wasn’t. the fanfiction gap lies in the in-between of those two sentences, and i wish i had the answers, but i don’t ...which also means i don’t know who to blame. i wanna blame everyone <3 but i do think the network had a bigger role in the caslessness of 15x19 and the finale

[mittensmorgul]

As Above, So Below

I’m still trying to pinpoint exactly why the focus on “heaven is fixed and actually a paradise now!” is just so deeply unsatisfying to me. And I think I need to preface this with a bit of backstory about me, because I think that gives the rest of this essay some relevant context.

I know this isn’t relevant to my main point here, but this is a metatextual and thematically identical example of the exact thing I’m gonna lay out, because context is always helpful. So please forgive this seemingly irrelevant detour, because I promise it will be relevant by the end.

(plus, would it really be an Essay By Mittens™ without at least one baffling tangent? no, it would not!)

Tangent time!

I think everyone that follows me knows how skeptical I was... or should I say how WARY I was of the way Eileen was returned to the narrative this season. We were warned in the PREVIOUS EPISODE how much Chuck was attempting to interfere in their lives. I was accused of some very nasty things, of hating the ship, or hating the character of Eileen, or of hating Sam and not wanting them to be happy. No amount of pointing at obvious warning signs in the text, no amount of yelling about Sam’s God Wound or the absolute klaxon warning that the wound had become “quiet” and his Chuck-O-Vision Nightmares had apparently stopped seemed to matter. I was declared “wrong” and told to shut up.

And then 15.09 happened, and basically everything I’d been wary of was shown to be what actually happened, but there were still unresolved issues. Eileen doubted her own feelings and walked away. She doubted what was actually real. And at the time, I said many times that I would be thrilled to see those issues resolved by the end of the season, and for her to truly know that what she’d felt growing between her and Sam was real. And by the end of the season, despite my personal horror at her previous situation (and having that personal horror compounded by the fandom literally gaslighting me and attempting to bully me into ignoring this basic actual plot detail of this specific growth process which... in the context of what my personal objection was to accepting her return at face value in the first place having been personal trauma associated with gaslighting and manipulation...) by the time 15.18 aired, I was 100% convinced that Sam and Eileen had fully chosen each other, and felt the traumatic pain Sam suffered during that text conversation with her during the snap. She NEEDED to come back, because she had been set up to be part of Sam’s Win. They were clearly each other’s future.

The show literally put in all the work to make even *me* feel this to be True and Right and Good. And then after that point we never even hear Eileen’s name again. We never were told that she was even returned at the end of 15.19. Sam, who had been so entirely devastated by her disappearance in the previous episode that he couldn’t even process it was apparently hit with an amnesia hammer and just... never even thought about her again through a long greyscale life with a blurry baby Dean factory vaguely in the background of a single scene of his life. I can’t credit or justify how after an entire year invested in making us all truly care about Sam and Eileen and the happiness they found in each other if only the cosmos would allow them to choose each other in the end would just... erase all of that in the series finale.

Which brings me to the second tangent, which is specifically about *me,* and how I feel about the cosmic order in the television show Supernatural. Because I feel a lot about it. Probably more than most people ever did. And this is also important to understanding the main underlying point I need to make here.

Something I’ve been most looking forward to, for YEARS, about Supernatural eventually ending someday was writing a book, or a thesis, or even just organizing and compiling all my observations into a cohesive narrative specifically about the cosmology of the Supernatural universe. I’ve been cobbling together my observations and realizations about the nature of heaven, hell, purgatory, the empty, the alternate universes we’ve seen, and yes, even the cosmic function of the mundane level of the story as told by events that transpired on Earth. So of everyone watching this dumb show for the last 15 years, I don’t actually know anyone who cared more that I did about finding a satisfactory resolution and transformation of every plane of existence-- the mortal world AND the “afterlife realms” we’ve experienced on this show. And in the wake of the finale, I feel cheated out of that. Because in the end, it wasn’t about the triumph of free will and a flip of the script, it was just more of the same.

And now that I have those two preliminaries out of the way, I’ll finally get to the point. :’D

(hooray, it didn’t even take 1k words to get there for once!)

The “main stage” of Supernatural has always been Earth. It’s always been “Humanity.” At the very start, we meet two men whose lives had always been dictated to them by higher powers. At first, that “higher power” was their father who raised them in his vengeance mission, who trained them to hunt the supernatural. It was the inciting incident of the entire series, after all, their realization that forces outside of their control had irrevocably altered the course of their lives. It had forever torn down what they’d trusted in family, in personal safety, and would become something they couldn’t outrun or fight back against for long before another wave of cosmic discord would settle over them once more.

We watched this story play out in ever increasing spheres of cosmic significance, until Gabriel laid it out on the table for them in the simplest possible terms (in 5.08).

GABRIEL: You do not know my family. What you guys call the apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That's why there's no stopping this, because this isn't about a war. It's about two brothers that loved each other and betrayed each other. You'd think you'd be able to relate. SAM: What are you talking about? GABRIEL: You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, and Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was always you! As it is in heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other. DEAN: What the hell are you saying? GABRIEL: Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always. A long pause. SAM and DEAN look down, then at each other. DEAN: No. That's not gonna happen. GABRIEL: I'm sorry. But it is. GABRIEL sighs. GABRIEL: Guys. I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow...but this is real, and it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be. ***

And isn’t that all even 1000x more painfully ironic that it all still happened even 10 years later? It was always going to end with them. And lol, “I wish this were a TV show” because if it was then it wouldn’t have to end bloody.

But this… was a Major Acknowledgement that the meta level of this story was consistent, and was telling us something important. It demonstrated that the Cosmic Structure Itself was the cause for Sam and Dean’s “destiny” in this story. But that’s not what the point of this story has ever been.

Nobody (including me, who is literally obsessed with this aspect of the story) has ever invested themselves in the narrative of Supernatural because they cared about the fate of the cosmic order over and above the fate of the characters who had committed to overthrowing it all, to “tearing up the pages” and writing their own destinies. I mean, we became invested because Sam, Dean, and Cas as characters took us by the hand and invited us to come along with them as they battled against fate for the good of EARTH and HUMANITY.

And certainly, Heaven being a horrific sort of eternal replay of the “highlights” of individual souls greatest hits, where free will didn’t apply as everyone was just boxed away into their individual holodecks to serve as some sort of giant Heaven Battery powering the furtherance of this narrative, this “cosmic order” that had become so powerful it dictated the events and manipulated the lives of people who still existed in the ostensible realm of free will and human life on Earth… that couldn’t stand in the end. But what the narrative (and people I’ve seen attempting to justify the finale as narratively sensible) seems to have forgotten was that all of that was Chuck’s construct to begin with. That without Chuck holding his kingdom in Heaven together, the walls of all those soul cubicles ceased to even be relevant.

After spending their entire lives to this point constantly fighting their way to the absolute pinnacle of the As Above, So Below narrative and pulling the plug on the original creator himself, Humanity should’ve triumphed. And I’d argue that it DID, through Jack restoring the missing essential “humanity” to the divine condition. And, silly me, I thought they’d achieved the promise of “paradise” heralded by Jack’s birth at last, and truly “flipped the entire script of the narrative.”

Ever since they thwarted the original apocalypse, I had hope that they would continue to achieve the same result right up the ladder. Metatron trying to fill the role of Chuck Junior hit his own narrative wall in TFW, while Dean’s battle with the Mark of Cain, and Cain telling him he was “living my life in reverse” and would succumb to destiny by killing his loved ones in the “reverse order” to Cain’s own path to downfall cemented this for me. Dean not only failed to kill any of his loved ones (you didn’t kill your own brother. why?), he SAVED them. He didn’t fulfil the prophecy in reverse, he subverted it. He UNMADE it.

Perhaps I was thinking on too grand a scale, that the ultimate inversion wouldn’t be “God is overthrown and replaced by more of the same,” but “God is overthrown and the entire order of the universe is restructured from the bottom up rather than the top down.

I’d hoped against hope that the conclusion of the narrative would be “As below, so above,” with the fundamental power of human love becoming the new foundation of the cosmic order. It never even occurred to me that “taking back the narrative to rewrite it for ourselves” was not the ultimate goal of Team Free Will, or the ultimate expression of their biggest win.

This whole “well heaven really needed to be rebuilt, there was still work to be done!” seems… irrelevant to me if they’d truly won free of the cosmic narrative. The entire structure of the universe-- including Heaven and Hell-- should’ve defaulted to the paradise state that Jack was literally born to bring to fruition. Wasn’t that the point of his entire role in the story, ultimately?

And if that wasn’t the case in the end, why did we never learn the fate of Hell? Was it just… irrelevant and unchanged after this? Or just… abandoned as a concept entirely? It’s just strange to me to put such a focus on heaven being the sole sphere of import in the end that it undercuts the essential humanity of the narrative for me.

The story itself had kept Heaven on a back burner for years, only occasionally mentioning that the structure of the place was falling further and further into disrepair with a dwindling force of angels struggling to keep the walls in place at all, that it seems like it could’ve been an afterthought at the end of the series rather than a focus so large it required the death of both main characters to make sure we all understood that Heaven Had Changed Now. Because TFW had never been fighting to make Heaven right. They’d been fighting to save the world itself, for humanity to all have a chance to live their lives as their own.

And we didn’t need to see that in the final hope they might get their own lives on Earth to explore. In the end, the fundamental narrative that Life On Earth was dictated by the cosmic structure of creation was never fully subverted. And for me, that’s the main reason I just… can’t accept the finale. It wasn’t a victory of free will and humanity, in the end it was just more of the same.

I appreciate the attempts to take the essential bones of the story we did get and apply a different polish to the surface of the skeleton, but to me it still feels like we’re looking at completely different beasts in the end. Like… to me this was as jarring a revelation as those drawing of modern animals reimagined as dinosaurs entirely based on their skeletons. Like, all along the narrative told me I was looking at a swan. They told me this skeleton they’re building out from is definitely a swan, without a doubt.  I know what a swan looks like-- a graceful feather-covered bird with magnificent wings. I trusted that in the end it would be at least remotely swan-looking. And then the finale ended up looking like this

and I just don’t even know where everything went so wrong. Or maybe all along I just assumed they actually knew what a swan looked like, but weren’t sure they could actually pull it off and settled for whatever the heck this is instead. Either way, I’m actually kinda grateful to the finale for being so entirely disappointing on every level, because otherwise I probably would’ve tried to adopt the monstrosity of it anyway. And I’m really, really glad I don’t have to.

[inthiswhisper]

just some thoughts on 15x16....

continuing on this point — this episode felt like a giant metaphor for where dean’s headspace is in terms of billie’s plans for jack. and how young dean and sam are mirrors of older dean and sam, obviously, while travis is a mirror of jack and caitlin is a bit of a mirror of cas.

travis underwent ‘immersion therapy’ in order to face his fears after a hard life, which began after facing a monster sam and dean ‘saved’ him from. nothing helped him cope, so a doctor insisted he return to where he was traumatized and find healing in that. instead, the monster came back and finished the job, killing him.

while sam and dean believed travis when they were younger, dean didn’t believe caitlin, his sister, this time that it was actually the monster and not just travis dying by his own hand—

dean: i know it's hard, okay? but you said it yourself... this ‘immersion therapy’ was making things worse. maybe coming here... sent him over the edge. ... that thing, it's not here.

caitlin: you've changed. back then, you believed him, even before i did.

dean: well, this is different.

sam: dean, we don't know what happened.

dean: ... i know it's hard. but that has to be what happened, because that other thing, i killed it. i'm sorry.

—but when the monster almost forces dean to stab himself in the heart over failing travis—

dean: caitlin, i'm sorry. i just... i didn't want to believe you.

sam: dean thought he killed it. i mean, we all thought he killed it.

dean: yeah, well, i didn't, and now travis is...

sam: ... if we want to stop her for good this time, we need to figure out first what she is. what do we know?

caitlin: ... she plays with people. back then, she could've just grabbed travis, but he said she drew it out. lured him, made a sick, freaky game of it.

dean: she can look like other people, other things. just now, she looked like me when i was a kid.

—dean realizes the monster is real and that she was cunning. she lured travis in and played with him before setting up his demise. this is what reminded me of billie keeping jack on a need-to-know basis regarding her plan. it was a game to lure jack to his demise and fulfill her plan.

i think dean took so long to believe the monster existed while caitlin and sam didn’t because—

cas: well, i have my concerns, but… jack trusts billie, and i trust jack.

sam: but what about cosmic balance, cas? i mean, jack’s gonna kill god? what about amara?

dean: i have seen billie’s library, and i have spent time with her. 'trust’ is a strong word, but… i believe in her. there’s no one more committed to the rules than she is. she’s probably got it all figured out.

sam: like she had the ma’lak box figured out? all i’m saying is i wish we knew more.

—dean also believed in billie while cas and sam were skeptical. and then billie appeared in this episode—

billie: i visited jack in your bunker, gave him his final orders. the last step of his transformation.

dean: filling him up with your cosmic TNT so he can die. how'd you talk the kid into that one?

billie: i told him the truth. jack killed your mother, and all he wants is your forgiveness. and i surmise that the only way he can get that is ending god and freeing you from the... what did you call it? hamster wheel. was i wrong?

—revealing that she did lure jack, by reminding jack of his guilt. that sam and dean wouldn’t forgive him if he didn’t sacrifice himself and free them. and then comes the conflict—

billie: this is on you, dean. ... do we have a problem?

dean: no, i want chuck dead. ... i don't have to like every part of the plan.

billie: and your brother? ... i don't care why you've been hiding this from [him]. but i don't like loose ends, dean. ... i need to know that you've got your house in order.

—that dean is headed down the same path he was with travis. believing he was right, that he killed the monster, only leading to travis / jack’s demise. because, while dean originally thought god / the monster would be dead and jack / travis would live, god / the monster came in a different form — billie — who is after jack, hoping to kill him for her plan to be executed. and dean is willing to believe in the plan, which is why caitlin being disappointed in dean and saying he ‘changed’ must’ve struck me. he wouldn’t just let a monster win and stand by letting it. but because he’s desperate to be free of chuck, to be right, he’s turning his cheek and thinking he, sam, and cas have no choice. but they do, and dean changing his mind after he faced the monster i think might reflect that.

so, i have more thoughts, but i’ll leave it at that.

[amwritingmeta]

End of S15 Spec: Is Cas Returning to Heaven?

My dearlings, my sweetlings, my buttery, Scottish shortbreads -

We’re in times of great turmoil right now and my only way to relax myself out of the need to check my Twitter feed every other minute and retweet all the inspiring or infuriating or educational stuff that’s coming at me left, right and centre, is to write. I started working on this piece of spec a little while back, after talking to @waywardliliana (hey girl hey) and last week I felt inspired to start writing this spec-meta-hopes-and-wishes-whathaveyou, so here we are.

This spec was actually brought on by Liliana telling me a prevailing theory in fandom right now (or a few weeks back) which is that Cas is going to die in 15x18. 

As far as I understand it from Liliana, this theory is based on the fact that Jensen and Misha were talking at VegasCon about having shot a heavy scene just the two of them (and quite possibly with Alex) before heading off to the con, and this scene is taking place sometime during 15x18.

That’s literally all I know, but that’s what I’m basing this spec on: something heavy happening between Dean and Cas in 15x18 as per “confirmed” by the actors themselves.

So, off the cuff: I don’t think Cas is going to die. 

Mostly due to narrative reasons, because I can’t see how him dying would service the story they’ve built for him this season whatsoever (let’s not forget about his deal with the Empty) (and I’ll dig deeper into that) nor how it would play into his individual arc as a whole, but also because it’s too repetitive. 

We’ve seen him die an angel death, we don’t need to see it again, nor would it be as impactful as Cas’ death at the end of S12 (and beginning of S7) where both instances can be looked at as serving to push Dean into a state of grief, where we got the chance to feel the loss and absence of Cas through how it affected Dean. Yeah? (yes!)

It’s always been beautifully handled, to be honest. Dean losing faith (and most starkly his faith in himself) when losing Cas. It happened in the S7 greif arc, and it happened in an even more condensed and pointed way in S13.

Because in S13, unlike in S7, Dean is no longer forcing a smile and pretending he’s okay. Instead, he’s wearing his anger like the armour it is, while telling Sam he’s fine, which Sam sees through very easily, and we do too, because of course he’s not fine. Until we finally get Dean admiting he needs Sam to keep the faith, because right now Dean can’t believe in a damn thing.

*mh mh good*

(it even happened to some extent in S15 after Cas left) (though then he was more in the I don’t give a fuck anymore mood) (once Cas comes back who is it that suddenly cracks the case of how to fight God wide open?) (yup) (our Dean that’s who)

So what would Cas dying bring to Dean’s individual arc this time around? 

What would Cas dying mean for Cas’ individual arc? 

Cas has died specifically to underpin Dean’s progression (or rather, to show us where that progression needs to take him) (and to give us a gorgeous underlining of how Cas is Dean’s happiness because of Dean’s attitude change when Cas comes back in S13) (hey-oh!) and Cas has died specifically to allow for his own rebirth, to push him into a new stage in his own progression toward self-actualisation, so killing him at the end of his journey would mean… he ends up in the Empty?

But the tying up of the dangling loose end that is Cas’ deal with the Empty needs to be linked directly to Cas giving himself permission to be happy.

I will dig deeper into this, but I doubt we’re getting him permitting himself to be happy in 15x18, because looking at this show’s narrative structure as it’s always been used before: either this moment needs to be linked back to his individual arc and his growing sense of identity, or it needs to be tied to Dean (because no enormous turning point for either character happens without it affecting the other) and neither of these are, to me, entirely viable.

That said, I mostly don’t see Cas ever going back to the Empty based in what I see the Empty as symbolically representative of, which is Cas’ Shadow, his unconscious, and Cas returning to its dwelling is a symbolical statement of defeat. He can’t fight the Empty, he can’t destroy the Empty, not while he is in the place where the Empty has the upper hand completely. Cas ending up in the Empty means his Shadow has won, there will be no integration, no self-actualisation, and Cas’ journey ends on a tragic note indeed. 

Is that a fair reward for someone who has just overcome his fear of happiness? Because when the Empty shows to claim Cas, we’ll know that this is exactly what has happened, and it’s an incredibly important moment for Cas’ progression, signaling self-acceptance and self-love, daring to allow himself to feel that happiness, and, or so I would hope, doing so in clear defiance of the Empty’s lingering threat. 

Because Cas feeling that strong in himself that he actually permits himself the happiness of the moment, knowing full well that it means the Empty will show, and feeling ready to face it head on (I mean, I have a loophole in mind, but I’ll get to that), it would be gigantically symbolic of how he’s crossing that threshold he’s been stood on for so long, no longer letting any of his fears rule him, no longer feeling any doubt or mistrust in himself.

*gah*

Cas actually being claimed right after his happiest moment and ending up in the Empty is not a fair reward, and Cas will not be narratively punished for reaching the climax of his progression. 

So, no, I simply do not believe he’s set to die.

More on the Empty and all that happiness goodness as we go along.

Now, the following thoughts are based in my reading of this narrative, so let’s proceed with caution and I’m handing out salt for you to sprinkle all over this piece of pure speculation. Sprinkle it at will, please!

Let’s begin with my main speculation for the final few episodes of S15, which is:

Cas’ powers are fully restored and he goes back to Heaven.

How would this happen? I would suggest that, as we’re witnessing Jack begin to come into his full power (he’s already levelled up from archangel), growing ever more sure of himself in the process, we may get to witness the full extent and wonder of that power, and what better way to showcase the budding culmination of them, than through Jack mending Cas’ broken wings? 

Of course, this is mere conjecture. There are a multitude of ways that Cas might end up powered up. Even God could play a role. Suggesting Jack is the source of this transformation is merely to create a foundation for the scenario, and it’s also fitting, as Jack has served to bring Cas a great deal of faith in his own capabilities, so Jack would serve well to give Cas the final push toward self-realisation, and Cas may very well need to remember what being whole as an angel feels like, to gain perspective on how to answer the ever-lingering questions of who he is and who he wants to be.

The biggest questions on the table for me, if this were to happen, are: 

Would we get a heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas in 15x18 (heavy stuff), where their respective role in the other’s growth comes to a conclusion, and they take the lessons learned and carry on alone, but fulfilled, and grateful for having known each other, leading to a series ending where Cas stays in Heaven? 

Or—>

Would we get to witness that heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas, but then, instead of staying in Heaven, would we get Cas, fully powered, gain the perspective he needs of who he truly is and who he wants to be, leading to a series ending where Cas chooses to become human, returning to Earth and all the shenanigans of a hunter life?

And finally —>

Is there a middle ground here?

There’s an old narrative question that comes to mind, posed to Cas in S9 (you know of which I speak), which is an articulation of Castiel’s deepest internal conflict, serving as motor for the character journey he’s pushed onto through meeting, and saving, Dean Winchester.

Two years ago I wrote an essay based around this question, and now, at the very end, I’m going to pose it again, and build the following meta analysis and speculation around what my answers to the above questions are, and why. 

Angel or Man?

One straightforward question.

And yet, Cas’ identity crisis has been with him from the very start of S4, and this question has been at the back of his mind, grating away, causing confusion and erroding his sense of self, because he’s loyal to everyone but himself (perfectly mirroring Dean) and that dual loyalty - Heaven and Dean (humanity) - has always been the baseline for why he can’t answer this straightforward question for himself.

Since S13, when he got himself out of the clutches of the Empty and chose to return to Earth, there’s been, to my mind, a heavy subtextual hinting at Cas having made an actual and very real choice of where he wants to belong - no longer waiting to be told he belongs there, the way he’s shown to be throughout S12 - and this real choice of where he wants to belong comes after we’ve gotten to witness his declaration of love towards Dean and the Winchesters, Cas telling them they’re his family in 12x12, so it fits nicely with his internal progression.

It fits especially nicely when considering the Empty as a symbolic representative of Cas’ Shadow (Carl Jung for the win).

Because Cas standing up to his unconscious fears and telling them to release him makes a double underlining for why Cas, from 13x04 and onward, has been shown to be growing into his sense of belonging, leading to him finding clarity of where to draw the line for himself, without worrying about outside opinion; this moving into a sense of real self-worth reaching a culmination in him standing up for himself to Dean in 15x03.

In fact, Cas standing up for himself was an enormous internal turning point for him, and brought on an enormous internal turning point for Dean, which may hopefully lead to clarity for him as well, and healing, as Cas putting his foot down forced Dean to finally be the one to name the feeling that usually overrides everything else: his anger.

(many secondary characters have tried to bring this awareness as they’ve pointed this out to him) (dark!Kaia especially) (but it took Cas’ righteous anger and distancing for Dean to finally be forced into a position to admit it to himself) (and through it, admit his lack of control over it) (huuuuge step in his movement toward much needed self-insight) (being honest with yourself is the first step!)

*gah*

Now, if Cas has been shown to choose where he wants to belong, for himself: Earth; then throughout S13 and into S14 he was still shown to be heavily reliant on his core trait of loyalty in order to have a pronounced direction, because, to me, his purpose throughout these two seasons leading into S15 still needed to be dictated by where he could apply his sense of duty.

Once he returned from the Empty, it was made perfectly clear that his sense of duty had gone from Heaven, to Humanity. 

Not only is this shown through how Cas states, more than once, that he willed himself back to Earth in order to fulfull his promise to Kelly Kline and protect her son, but it’s also given to us in how he uses his angelic powers for torture, once of his own accord, and then (horrifyingly) under the orders of Dean: Cas no longer serves Heaven, he serves Man. (more specifically Dean)

However horrifying - because he shouldn’t be taking orders at all, and he shouldn’t use his powers as a weapon like that - this shift is necessary to underline Cas’ evolving relationship with Heaven, which had its first nail driven into its coffin with Naomi, when she forced Cas to slaughter all those Deans, and its final nail given to us through Cas killing Duma, Cas showing us that he is now refusing to allow Heaven to exact any authority over him and, intriguingly enough for where we’re at now, rather choosing to deplete the needed Heavenly power source in order to kill a would-be oppressor, rather than see Heaven fall back into its previous totalitarian mode of regime.

Cas learning lessons in humanity and wanting to take them to Heaven to fix his home has been part of his arc since the end of S5, to rather disastrous effect, since he was ill-equipped to properly understand and incorporate lessons only half-learned.

Through him breaking away from Dean and leaving the bunker in 15x03, Cas showed independence in a way he never has before. 

Of course, he’s always been the one to leave at a moment’s notice or disappear without so much as a by-your-leave, but this was a confrontation, tied directly to Dean’s inability to listen and to forgive. 

It’s Cas refusing to be taken for granted, and this shows us how the biggest lesson the narrative has been trying to teach him is finally beginning to take proper hold, because refusing to be taken for granted means that his self-worth is at a point where he’s able to expect more for himself, because he knows he deserves better.

And, or so this meta writer would argue, because he knows Dean is better than how he’s behaving, and Cas is fed up with enabling Dean’s self-righteousness. *headcanon*

So, Cas is now equipped with a lot of the tools needed to bring actual balance to Heaven, to bring strong, good leadership that doesn’t look at human beings as something to scrape off the sole of their shoe. He has a stronger understanding of why humans human, and a sense of compassion that doesn’t cause doubt or confusion, but leaves him secure in his own viewpoint.

That said, we still have him identifying himself as a “thing” in the latter part of S14, which is something that leaves us without the actual answer to the above question, because even towards the end of S14 we have Cas unable to label himself as either or.

In fact, I would say that labeling himself a “thing” alongside Jack - a nephilim who is of Heaven, Earth and Hell - speaks to some amount of identity confusion. 

So then. 

Let’s ponder the final episodes - keeping in mind we’re just having some fun speculating - and consider the possibilities surrounding the final destination of Cas’ character journey, as well as how the possible outcomes affect his relationship with Dean. 

Castiel, Angel of the Lord

Scenario the First —> Cas’ powers are fully restored and…

We get a heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas in 15x18 (heavy stuff), where their respective role in the other’s growth comes to a conclusion, and they take the lessons learned and carry on alone, but fulfilled, and grateful for having known each other, leading to a series ending where Cas stays in Heaven.

I mean, it’s emotionally neat, to be honest, because if we leave Destiel to the side and look at the plain text, Dean and Cas’ bond can be tied to their respective individual journeys through how Cas represents Faith to Dean, and Dean represents Humanity to Cas.

They are each other’s most repressed sides manifested, and they are an externalisation of each other’s internal compass, pointing them to the internal work they need to do to be able to reach self-actualisation through acknowledging, accepting and embracing what the other represents to them.

For Dean, it’s learning to have faith in himself, to trust, and in so doing, letting go of his need for control, tied directly to that anger of his.

For Cas, it’s facing and fully accepting the innate humanity he’s always displayed, trusting in it and having no reason to question, doubt or fear it.

So if we get a series ending where Dean is finally having pronounced faith (in himself, not in a higher power) (which is why God as the Big Bad is especially fitting like omfg), and this faith allowing him to tap into his sense of trust (in others rather than himself, but also this extended trust being possible thanks to his newfound trust in himself) and this sense of trust brings about some much needed inner peace, then Cas’ role in Dean’s arc has been fulfilled. 

And if we have Cas bringing his accrued understanding and internalised humanity (trusting that his sense of compassion is a strength, not a weakness) back to Heaven in order to bring about actual balance and finally mending what he himself has played a large part in breaking apart, then that would fit with Cas’ overall arc and the lessons Dean, as a role model, was meant to teach will be implemented. 

Neat.

Except.

Except for the fact that, if Cas goes fully-fledged angel, returns to Heaven and the series ends on him staying there, these three narratively unsatisfactory points hold true:

He will still, when dead, be bound for the Empty

He will be giving up his family

He will, end of the day, be embracing duty over freedom

Yeah, we need to talk about these three unsatisfactory points, fam.

1. The Empty

Ah, yes, here we go. 

The lay of the land is that Cas made a deal with the Empty to save Jack. I wrote a long meta on this so I won’t go into too much detail, save to say that it’s a deal that left Cas promised to the Empty, with the twist that the Empty won’t claim Cas before he gives himself permission to be happy.

Yeah. Ouch much?

I’ve already argued my point for why I doubt Cas will die, but what would happen in a scenario where Cas returns to Heaven fully-fledged, meant to remain there for the rest of his… existence?

I would suppose there would needs be a reckoning between the Empty and Cas before Cas commits to this return, because since they planted the Empty lording its deal with Cas over Cas’ head as recently as 15x13, I have a hard time seeing the writers solving this plot point with anything less than us seeing Cas relaxing into a moment of happiness-permission.

That said, let’s say they do. Let’s say there’s a flick-of-the-wrist solution. I don’t think there will be, but for the sake of argument. And by flick-of-the-wrist I mean we get the Empty showing up in a moment where Cas is truly happy, but the Empty’s appearance doesn’t hold sway thanks to some external force: Jack or Death herself, rather than an internal triumph linked entirely to his individual arc, or in any way linked back to Dean. 

(and though some may argue against the love story being canonically viable) (though I’d argue that it is) (the fact that Dean and Cas share a profound bond and a different dynamic to Sam and Cas, and even Dean and Sam, is canonically established) (through both grief!arcs for Dean) (and through Cas choosing to leave in S15 having everything to do with Dean and absolutely nothing to do with Sam)

Solving the deal with the Empty is fairly easily done, even though the flick-of-the-wrist solution won’t be as satisfactory for most of us who know Cas and root for him, and even if the flick-of-the-wrist moment could conceivably come with someone powerful enough (like Jack or even Death, who, though she won’t do hands on interference, seems to have made a promise to the Empty that it will get to go back to sleep once all is said and done) (but, as we know, Billie speaks in riddles), despite the viable characters possibly powerful enough to destroy the Empty, actually destroying it immediately feels, to me, like too big of a cop out and I doubt the writers would even consider it. 

Again, this is very much based in my reading of the Empty as Cas’ Shadow, and Cas’ Shadow shouldn’t be destroyed. 

For it all to symbolically line up, the Empty should be symbolically integrated. 

(the way Michael - Dean’s Shadow representative - wasn’t destroyed, but instead had his essence swallowed down by Jack, becoming a part of him instead, and all that symbolic toxic masculinity poison inside Jack leading to all sorts of narrative repercussions, needing to be levelled out by Jack growing enough to retrieve his soul and return his own internal equilibrium) (which, in turn, is highly symbolic on so many levels) (but enough digression)

Based on this, once the battles are won and God has been defeated, the Empty would remain. So even though the deal is dealt with through whatever means it’s dealt with: that dark, vast, nothing would be the place where angels who die go to suffer a restless, horrific sleep.

For eternity. 

And that’s my first argument for why I personally do not want Cas to remain an angel past the conclusion of the show: the Empty looms as victor and will eventually get to claim Cas, even if Cas gets out of the deal he’s made.

I mean, how likely is it that Cas doesn’t face death at some point, really? He’s pretty prone to dying, especially dying for what he believes to be right. 

Digression into The Middle Ground as it should be tied in here:

The Middle Ground

Scenario the Third —> 

Is there a middle ground here?

Now, here’s a bit of a rub, because way I see it, exploring if there’s a possibility of Cas ending up neither fully-fledged nor human needs to be based in the assumption that Cas isn’t getting his powers back at all.

Which means that, in this middle ground scenario, whatever exchange that occurs between Dean and Cas in 15x18 has nothing to do with them. 

For example, the heavy scene that Jensen and Misha were talking about Dean and Cas suffering through could have to do with Jack, though if something terrible is going to happen to Jack or if Jack is going to sacrifice himself for the greater good, I have a hard time seeing Sam not being present.

However, for arguments sake…

In this scenario, where Cas doesn’t power up, we should thirdly assume that we’re left with there being no reason for Cas to choose a human life either. 

He simply remains in the same shape and form in which he currently is. 

The same shape and form that he’s held since S9, when he suited back up after the human!Cas arc and readied himself for war, necessarily and formidably and to his emotional detriment for many years as it brought on his darkest arc (Lucifer possession). 

This choice was a narrative necessity, because human!Cas was already growing into his own skin by 9x09, and it’s made perfectly clear why Cas had to go through it all, because he had to face his fear of being useless without his powers, and unaccepted as an equal and nothing more than expendable with them.

So, would the middle ground scenario - keeping him as is, with all the character progression intact and him, clearly, set to grow and evolve beyond the series’ ending - be narratively satisfactory?

And by narratively satisfactory I mean that this scenario:

ties up loose ends

justifies the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression

leaves us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative

I’ll get back to this, but for now I’ll reiterate how Cas remaining an angel in any shape or form, be it the one he’s had for many a season, or a new and powered up version, still means, as per our narrative, that he’s going to have to spend eternity in the Empty.

So, no. 

To me - not satisfactory.

Now for the second point up for discussion, should the series end with Cas becoming fully-fledged and returning to Heaven to stay there —>

(while bearing in mind that this is all conjecture and based in my reading of this narrative) (don’t forget them pinches of salt, my loves)

2. Giving Up His Family

Would he have to give up his family, though? If he goes fully-fledged and returns to Heaven to lead in any capacity, doesn’t that just mean that he’ll hear Dean’s prayers and return as often as he can? Which, if their previous track record is anything to go by, would be often. It’s not like this is an ending, right?

Well. 

I think it has to be for the narrative to actually have a conclusion. 

They could half-ass it and leave the ending open to interpretation, sure; but the question as it stands to be answered is for Castiel to choose between being an angel and being a man, and narratively the half-assed answer is how he’s been living for the majority of his journey.

He has, since S9, been sincerely stuck between these two modes of existing, one foot in Heaven and the other out of it, and for a lot of his progression, this half-assed state of existence has meant horribly broken wings and thinking himself only useful as a weapon.

The narrative itself has pushed for Cas’ internal conflict to be centered on how to honestly answer the question of what his true identity is, and the only way for him to answer it honestly is to gain perspective enough so that he’s able to take a long hard look at who he wants to be.

Due to this, Cas’ internal conflict, since S4, has been circling Cas’ avoidance of being honest with himself. (perfectly mirroring Dean)

So for the narrative to end on the answer being angel, only for Cas to continue to be allowed to half-ass it (because it would be too sad to watch him make a choice that means giving up his family) leaves his journey, and all those hard-learned lessons, coming across as rather pointless. 

He was stuck half-assing it for all these years because he hadn’t found the needed perspective to answer the question honestly, so if his honest answer is angel and this honest answer is meant to bring self-actualisation and a step toward real internal balance (or internal completion, if you will) then leaving him in a half-assing it state as the narrative concludes is unsatisfactory.

Let’s look again at the ways to narratively satisfactorily end Cas’ journey:

tying up loose ends

justifying the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression

leaving us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative

The answer is yes to all of these points if Cas becomes a fully-fledged angel and STAYS in Heaven, with no detours to Earth, because angels aren’t meant to walk the Earth, and it was them walking the Earth after staying away for two thousand years that really started this whole roller coaster ride of destruction and mayhem, right? Right.

Castiel making peace with his past and accepting the fact that he was never meant to live an earthbound existence, taking all the good things humanity has taught him, and fully embracing his own innate humanity in order to take away the fear and indoctrination of Heaven, would make for a satisfactory ending to his individual arc.

At least the superficial reading of it.

And I’m not about the superficial reading of it. 

And of course I don’t want this for Cas. But looking at it from a purely narrative viewpoint, I can see how this could work.

It just means that Cas would have to recognise his ties to Dean for what they are (in this scenario): a teachable moment. And Cas has learned his lessons. And he’ll always be grateful, but it’s time for him to let go.

Yeah, like I said, I don’t want this for Cas or for Cas and Dean, but I can see it as viable. More viable than Cas half-assing it as a fully-fledged angel, because that leaves a much bigger narrative exclamation point for me in that it basically invalidates the necessity for his broken wings and rebellion as part of his character growth.

If he’s going to land back exactly where he started, then he should’ve been able to get there fully-fledged. But, of course, he couldn’t get there fully-fledged because the writers couldn’t work him into the narrative if he was powered up.

He was always too powerful an ally to the very breakable brothers, and if he’d been fully-fledged throughout, it would’ve messed up our sense of the stakes.

But now, should he be allowed to half-ass it as fully-fledged once the narrative has ended, his brokeness, which has always been so essential to his progression, will come across much less as an integral part of that, and all the more like nothing but a narrative necessity, rather than a way to structure and explore Cas’ needs as a character for internal growth that have always, so beautifully, mirrored Dean’s needs.

Of course, if Cas were to choose to go back (forever), then there’s the highly satisfactory tie-back potential of a goodbye between Cas and Dean linking right back to the end of S8, giving us the gravitas of the “ET goes home” moment in full regalia.

It would be heartbreaking af, but for it to hold that gravitas, ET really has to get on that spaceship and go off home forever this time. You know?

In my book, it would be the tragedy to end all tragedies. *please no*

3. Duty over Freedom

This is a big one for me.

It’s a big one because the overarching and driving themes of our narrative have always had to do with —>

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and duty)

And the constant push and pull of these three thematic threads decrees the ups and downs of Cas’ progression, as well as Dean’s, because of the way that their deeply rooted view on duty is directed at everything and everyone but themselves, and this view on duty is informed by their sense of loyalty, and that sense of loyalty is all askew due to their lack of self-worth.

Sam has this same duty-triggered sense of loyalty as well, though in a slightly different guise, because though Dean and Cas have both been messed up by their respective fathers’ indoctrination into soldierdome (the root of the root of their view on duty) Sam’s sense of duty is to his father figure, which is Dean. 

Sam may have rejected feeling any sense of duty towards John, but the codependency has ensured that Sam is still stuck in the same pattern, has learned it, one might say, through looking up to Dean and, to my mind, knowing the sacrifices Dean has always made, putting Sam first, no matter what, and the codependency has held due to Sam’s diminished self-worth after every choice he made during his time with Ruby. 

Defeating the devil and saving the world, in spite of those choices, wasn’t enough to heal the trauma he inflicted on his own self-perception, and his trust began to seep out of him with every new situation lobbied at him where control was taken away from him. So he handed that control over to Dean. And let him lead. Because it was just easier. 

(I love this show so much) (the threading is so breathtaking)

Now, back to Cas —>

The narrative has worked to teach Cas a lesson.

The lesson of choice.

But making choices without having the self-worth to trust your innate instincts, as well as having an understanding of your own morals and boundaries, is a recipe for disaster.

As the narrative has shown us, time and again.

Each horrific choice Cas has made has been pushing for him to gain enough self-insight that he’ll learn from his mistakes, and grow.

And he has.

There is the darker side of duty, the one where one does what one has to, where one makes the bad deal, where fear is allowed to govern one’s sense of direction, and old patterns are easier to remain in than forging new ones.

This is the sense of duty all of our main characters seem set to break away from.

But, of course, their core traits are also informed by their deeply felt need to protect innocent life, to step in where they know they’re the only ones who can actually make a difference, to take responsibility for ensuring the safety of people who are in harms way.

Yah, this sense of duty (the one that makes them into actual heroes) is informed by the good side to loyalty.

What they need to break away from is following old patterns blindly, without asking themselves what they actually want, and without much planning or hope for the future. 

So if the scenario we get is the one that gives us Castiel, Angel of the Lord, where he goes back to Heaven at the end of the series, with all the bells and whistles that comes along with that, allowing Cas to actually bring about some sense of peace and order and fix his home, then we still get the unsatisfactory ingredient of Cas reverting back to old patterns, because we have this stated:

You listen to me. Look, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you… It’s been the best part of my life, and the things we’ve shared together - they have changed me. You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you.

We have it narratively stated through dialogue that Cas:

considers his time on Earth the best part of his “life” (a very human thing for an angel to say btw)

that what he’s shared with the Winchesters has changed him (and we’ve seen that manifested in all of the choices he’s made throughout S13-15 where he stopped serving Heaven, began serving Man only to, by beginning of S15, start to serve himself, listening to his own wants and needs and setting clear boundaries for how he expects to be treated)

that he considers the Winchesters - and, of course, this now includes Jack - as his family

and he loves them

He loves them. One might say that his heart is, symbolically, earthbound.

Back to the bulletpoint overview of how to narratively satisfactorily end Cas’ journey and, keeping in mind the three points discussed above of what remaining an angel at the end of his journey would actually mean for Cas as a character, we ask ourselves:

Does him remaining an angel satisfactorily tie up loose ends?

Does him remaining an angel justify the obstacles he’s had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression?

Does him remaining an angel leave us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative?

For me, it’s a pretty big and hella bold-lettered no to the first two, and a meh to the third one, because yes, we’ll get a good idea of what a Heavenbound Cas might do with his existence, but it’s not a satisfactory yes, because of all the already mentioned reasons. 

He’ll have answered the identity question by choosing Angel as his reply, but that reply nullifies so much of the emotional growth he’s done over the years, and goes against the multitude of narrative statements given to us of where he feels he belongs.

So, nothing else to do but to discuss the second possible scenario on our checklist, right?

Yaaaaassss indeed. Not going to lie. I’m partial to this one. Pardon me if my love for the human!Cas arc shines through. (it glitters and sparkles)

So Very, Very Human

Scenario the Second —> Cas’ powers are fully restored and…

We get to witness that heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas, but then, instead of staying in Heaven, we get Cas, fully powered, gaining the perspective he needs of who he truly is and who he wants to be, leading to a series ending where Cas chooses to become human, returning to Earth and all the shenanigans of a hunter life.

My main reason for standing so firmly behind the idea of Castiel cutting out his grace and choosing a human life is anchored in the three thematic tentpoles of this narrative’s push for character progression.

As already mentioned, they are:

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and duty)

The in-between state Cas has been hovering in since Dean’s death at the end of S9, an in-between state that won’t be satisfactorily concluded (as per my above argumentation against it) through him becoming a fully-fledged powered up angel of the lord warrior of Heaven again, would be satisfactorily concluded should he choose, for himself, that where he wants to be, where he belongs, is with his family.

He belongs on Earth.

And the foremost reason for why he belongs on Earth isn’t actually based in the fact that it’s where those he loves are, it runs deeper than that, because in order for Cas to feel whole, in order for him to feel, as the narrative has put it more than once in the last few seasons, complete, he needs to accept what his true form is, he needs to open up to what the narrative has tried to teach him and show him, for all these years, that it is, and that true form is human.

Do we need him to feel whole? There are plenty of broken people in this world, right? Why can’t Cas be representative of someone who has found his place, regardless of whether he’s all fixed up? Perhaps he keeps his broken wings and still changes his attitude from feeling like he’s a “thing” to thinking of himself as simply himself?

Perhaps he already is doing exactly that?

This line of questioning brings us back to —>

The Middle Ground

Let’s reiterate Scenario the Third: based in the assumption that Cas isn’t getting his powers back at all, and we’re left with there being no reason for Cas to choose a human life either. He simply remains in the same shape and form that he’s more or less held since S9.

Now, I’ll ask it again: would the middle ground scenario - keeping him as is, with all the character progression intact and him, clearly, set up to grow and evolve beyond the series’ ending - be narratively satisfactory?

Does it tie up loose ends?

Does it justify the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression?

Does it leave us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative?

Well, let’s see.

Does Cas remaining as he has been - broken wings and all - tie up loose ends?

Loose ends for Cas would be the fact that Heaven is falling apart; the deal with the Empty; answering that overarching question of Angel or Man? (no longer considering himself an in between thing); claiming the place where he belongs (a Cas is Back in Town moment); displaying a healthy sense of duty (shield rather than weapon) and narratively being rewarded for Big Lessons Learned.

Loose End: Heaven is Falling Apart —>

As mentioned, Cas has tried to fix his home since end of S5, where he declared that was he was going to do to a grief stricken Dean, and left (oh Cas)

Cas’ first attempt was to bring what he’d learned about free will to Heaven, trying to teach it to the angels, discovering, to his great despair, that it’s like trying to teach poetry to fish, but, again, I would argue that Cas wasn’t fully equipped to act the teacher, and because he forced himself into the role, seeing no other way to beat Raphael than to push for the type of rebellion he learned how to stage through his time with Dean, it ended with Cas’ confused sense of identity manifesting in him morphing into the figure he’d hoped could save them all: God.

Rather than believing he was enough, he could see no other choice but to become something else entirely, something that went against everything he truly believes to his core to be right, turning him into something violent and discompassionate, pushing him to finally admit the error in his choice, only to have it be too late, and that choice ending up setting the Leviathan loose on the world while he died in that lake, paying the ultimate price for his mistakes.

This part of Cas’ backstory, the deep failure, the shame, the guilt that came with it, has been underpinning Cas’ lack of self-worth and, more importantly, his lack of self-trust ever since he came back in 7x17. 

This is why Heaven now sitting on the brink of collapse is tied so specifically to his character journey and why it’s an important loose end that is in need of tying up, not only plot wise, but as part of a narrative statement clarifying Cas’ progression.

How so?

Because there should be good reason - whether Cas stays on Earth as is, or whether he makes the choice to become human - for him to feel at peace with that choice, and especially if Cas is to stay as is - broken wings and all - there’s even more reason for us to understand that he’s no longer in-between Heaven and Earth: he’s able to let Heaven go.

So if Heaven is no longer crying out for him to, out of sheer narrative necessity, stay dutifully tied to that sense of guilt and shame that his previous failures have placed in him, keeping him feeling ever so responsible for his birthplace, making it rather impossible for him to actually weigh what he truly wants for himself, then once Heaven is balanced out, what we might get to witness is Cas able to definitively let Heaven go. Cas making one final choice of remaining on Earth, and making it for himself.

Saving Heaven from this threat of continued errosion is most easily accomplished through two narrative tools that are already established in the narrative:

Jack using his powers to help restore this balance 

or an archangel returning to Heaven and restoring a semblence of it’s former glory (Michael might change his mind...for example)

Both these things can happen without Cas being fully-fledged, nor does he need to be human, he can stay just as he’s been and Heaven can still find balance. 

One could even see how Heaven actually being balanced out at the end of the series and Cas being allowed to breathe again could be structured into serving as his narrative reward for Big Lessons Learned. Because there should be a reward at the end of Cas’ journey. He’s literally been to Hell and back. 

The thing is that for that reward to be apparent to us, we need to see the moment where he truly earns it, a moment that establishes that he’s not only aware of what the narrative has been pushing for him to learn, but the Big Lessons are internalised and his journey has worked to evolve him.

The simplest way of showing these Big Lessons Learned to the audience and clarifying this moment of Cas earning his reward, is by giving us a sense of Cas choosing. 

Why? 

Because the narrative, as already offered, is based in the theme of Freedom of Choice, and ideally Cas’ choice would tie directly in with the other two overarching themes of identity and family.

Which lands us in this question: What exactly would Cas be shown to choose should he remain as is? 

Because, to my mind, Cas remaining as he is makes it pretty difficult to show him making any sort of choice, since he is literally just staying as he has been, especially as he has been since he made that choice back in 13x04 of returning from the Empty to Earth, being sent back in his old vessel. 

See, he’s already chosen where he wants to belong, and S15, if anything, has underlined this choice having been made, through Cas’ confrontation with Dean, Cas leaving the bunker because of Dean, and then returning, before Dean apologised, because Dean being a dickhead no longer interferes with Cas’ sense of self: he knows where he belongs.

(and without him returning nothing will change) *slow eye-brow raise*

And it may not have been an overt Cas is Back in Town moment, but it came damn close.

So, then, what choice does he need to make?

For me, the choice isn’t where to belong, because the answer has been given to us through his actions since S13, but especially throughout S15, but rather the choice still ahead of him is how to belong. 

And lest we forget, should Cas choose to belong on Earth as an angel, he will still, by all accounts, be headed for the Empty once all is said and done, Because at the end of it all, the Empty will (most likely) get to go back to sleep. I cannot see it going bye-bye. 

So the fact remains that, even if there’s some way out of Cas’ current Empty deal, there’s nowhere else for Cas to go when he dies.

And after everything he’s been through (and as per the romantic in me) shouldn’t he get to go to Heaven, and shouldn’t it be a shared Heaven, one where his soulmate resides? I would argue with my last breath that the answer is yes.

But, my loves, there’s only one way for him to get there. 

Oh, let me add that I don’t believe Cas still has his soul, because then he wouldn’t have gone so completely to the Empty after his angel death. Honestly, I like it better that way, because the humanity of humans is often professed to reside with their soul, but Cas is a statement of how one’s humanity is actually tied to one’s choices, giving us an excellent example of how it doesn’t matter what you are, it matters what you do. 

Jack’s choices, for example, may have become heavily influenced by him losing his soul and his ability to feel fully, but most of his mistakes were brought on because of the lack of guidance he suffered. WWWD was not a very good piece of advice, and had Dean been the one to take on the responsibility (which he couldn’t, because of his suspicion rooted in all his own fears, but if he had) then the outcome would’ve most likely been a different one. 

I’ll leave the How Cas Can Get Into Heaven topic for now, and focus us back on the loose ends, because the one that sticks out the most - at least to me - is how, if Cas were to remain as he is, neither getting his wings back nor choosing to become human, we will not get an actual answer to the narratively posed question of Angel or Man?

Loose End: The Question of His True Identity

Cas remaining as is, isn’t a final choice. 

It may be an acceptance of how he has to remain broken and somewhat stuck in-between if he’s to live on Earth and be with his human family, but it’s not a choice, not really, not this late in the game. 

For me, this isn’t a deal breaker (in fact, no scenario really is because I in no way expect all of this to be hitting the spot to a T anyway) but it would be highly unsatisfactory.

Why is it so important to get a definitive answer to the Angel or Man question? After all, it was posed six seasons ago and perhaps the narrative has actually moved on from it?

Yes, this is absolutely a good point and a possibility at that, and, again, I am in no way deluded enough to think that all of this speculation will hit on what we’ll actually get with even the slightest precision, but for my own sake (which is really why I’m outlining all these thoughts yeah?) I want to push for why I still feel, to my core, that leaving Cas with broken wings, even if he finds self-worth and self-actualisation in that half-state, there is something deeply unsatisfactory in the loose end of not actually answering the question of which side to him - the angelic or the human - that actually brings him the most happiness.

(I almost wrote “which side to him actually sparks joy”) (but no) (I mean kinda yes he should Marie Kondo his insides) (we all should do that once in a while) (them mean thoughts and them self-destructive impulses?) (yeah they can go) (anyway…)

Not giving us a definitive answer to the question of identity is especially dissatisfying as the narrative, for over ten years of character journey, has shown us how miserable it makes Cas to not be earthbound. In fact, the one time he made the choice to go back to Heaven and close the gates behind him forever in order to save humanity, the narrative said nope, don’t think so - and brought him right back to humanity. By making him human.

I will concede to this being my interpretation of Cas’ journey, because nowhere in canon is this stated, but way I see it, Cas has been transitioning from angel to human since the second he touched Dean in Hell.

And it’s not a desire placed there by Dean, it’s something Cas has carried within himself, a curiosity, and a seedling of doubt, ever since he came off the assembly line with a crack in his chassis. 

Gripping Dean tight and raising him from perdition merely served to give Cas’ already existing curiosity, and doubt, something to actually focus on. Something to focus on so hard that all the brainwashing done by Heaven couldn’t keep it at bay anymore, because it’s part of who Cas truly is to question authority, to seek free will, to not be used as a weapon, but to step in and act the shield of his own volition.

Which brings us back to the second scenario, which I’m now going to expand on —>

So Very, Very Human (again)

Remember those three tentpoles of this narrative’s push for character progression? 

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and sense of duty)

And what were all those loose ends in need of being tied up?

Heaven is falling apart

The deal with the Empty

Answering that overarching question of Angel or Man? (no longer considering himself an in between thing)

Claiming the place where he belongs (a Cas is Back in Town moment)

Displaying a healthy sense of duty (shield rather than weapon) 

Narratively being rewarded for Big Lessons Learned

I am not saying Cas has to become human in order for his journey to conclude 100% satisfactorily, thus spake the lords of storytelling; I am open to (no I mean it sincerely) whatever is headed our way, whatever the writers choose as an ending that is satisfactory to them, I will accept it, whatever guise it takes, yeah? 

This is simply my personal preference for what would be the most satisfactory to me, and I’m making that statement now, because I’m about to go headfirst into outlining exactly why. Thanks for sticking with me this far. You’re awesome. *heart eyes*

Okay. 

Human!Cas. 

Before we look ahead, I’d like us to look back, all the way back to S9 and the human!Cas arc, because I’d like to explain, briefly, why I put down the need for a Cas is Back in Town moment amidst those loose ends.

You see, when Cas first experienced mortality, we all know it started rough. It started with him feeling lost and being all alone and getting himself killed and then it continued with him believing he’d finally come home to roost in the bunker, only to be inexplicably thrown out, by Dean, and then Cas went on to find himself a human persona (Steve) and learning to mimick other humans and doing simply what he figured was expected of him, and then Dean came into town and because Dean encouraged Cas to get in on the case, Cas was brought into a situation where he had no choice but to face the fear of getting himself killed again, only this time he’d probably stay dead - a fear that had been festering like a terrible festering festerer - and once he’d done that, he was able to finally admit to himself that “Steve” wasn’t anything but an armour and he dropped that armour and then we got the Cas is back in town moment of 9x09 fame.

So.

It would be awesome for him to have another Cas is Back in Town moment. 

Why, exactly?

Because that’s the moment in the human!Cas arc when we are shown, unequivocally, that Cas’ sense of identity is flourishing. He is choosing to insert himself into the investigation, even though the last time we saw Cas, it was when he was told by Dean Touchstone for all Things Human Winchester to go and live his life, basically having it explained to him, by his foremost role model for what humanity is, that life, and specifically this newfound life of Cas’, should be lived away from dangerous things. 

Cas being back in town, and happy and proud to be so, is all about Cas embracing his innate need to protect, even if that means risking his own life, and choosing a hunter life for himself, finding his way back to the people he loves by being entirely honest with himself about who he is and who he wants to be, not allowing fear to rule him. 

He follows his heart, you might say. (go on, you know you wanna say it)

And yes, out of narrative necessity - because Cas can’t see how he can help save/heal Sam or stave off the brewing war as a human - Cas then chooses to swallow stolen grace and get his powers back, which, btw, brings about the most heartbreaking phone exchange between Dean and Cas ever. Ow. My damn heart.

So then, that’s the human!Cas arc in brief, and the core reason for why I feel so very strongly that Cas - who screwed himself by swallowing that grace, unable to see how he could possibly be useful in the fight as a human, even though he displays a stronger sense of self as a human than he ever has as an angel - would be happiest, at the end of his journey, if he were to end it on making the choice to become human, to live a mortal life, with his family, on Earth.

And, yes, then, rather than spending eternity in the dread Empty, getting to go to Heaven with the man he goddamn well loves, innit?

Ah, but there’s more. Oh, yes.

1. Identity

In ways that remaining an angel narratively simply cannot provide, Cas choosing to become human would cement the end of his transitioning period and would be the final marker for those Big Lessons Learned.

The Big Lessons presented to him throughout the narrative, meant to bring him to a point of growth in his progression where he can finally and honestly and without hesitation answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be? ie. What do I want? 

And, yes, if the answer to these questions were: Human. and To live a long and happy life. then this would also answer the question of what Cas’ true identity is, ie. it would provide the conclusive reply to the Angel or Man? query.

And yes, of course, so would the reply Angel, but as I’ve attempted to demonstrate through my above argumentation, replying Angel still comes with dangling loose ends.

I would also argue that Cas’ happiest moment could be, and even should be, tied to his moment of self-actualisation, his moment of finally being honest with himself, not only honest about where he truly belongs, but how he wants to belong there.

He’s been missing that PB&J, but he has never believed that he would be of any use in the fight if he doesn’t have his powers. He’s been unable to actually see himself as part of the Winchester clan if he doesn’t have something to bring to the table, because the last time he tried, he was left with what he saw as no other choice but to admit defeat and swallow that stolen grace, so that he could power back up and feel ready, feel less vulnerable, find those old, worn patterns and take comfort from them. 

To have Cas restored to full strength - because I do believe it would be a beautiful moment, not just for Cas, but for Jack as well, and if Dean is there, then it would be an all around gorgeous moment of healing - to then have Cas, with all his powers, finally admit that he doesn’t want them, because he doesn’t need them anymore, they’re not as much a part of him as they’re a helpful side effect to being an angel, and he doesn’t belong in Heaven, he doesn’t want to be in Heaven, and he may not know exactly what a human life will entail - he has an inkling, since his stint as a human, but there’s still so much he’s never experienced - he just knows he wants it.

And this would all be brain-crackling, full of satisfaction and tying up of many loose ends, as well as underlining the actual necessity for Cas’ journey through all of the Big Lessons Learned. *feels*

There could be stakes added here, tying back to S8 and the closing of the gates. To bring about balance, perhaps the gates of Heaven and Hell need to close for good? Ie. there’ll be no more angels and demons walking the Earth. So the choice for Cas wouldn’t be an in between one, it would be an either or. Stay in Heaven forever and remain an angel, or go back to Earth, but go back as a human. 

It fits the narrative if anything like this were to happen - Cas being confronted with an ultimatum that forces clarity - because Cas isn’t contemplating cutting out his grace. Not yet. He’s safe within the status quo and sees no reason to question it, not even with the Empty popping up to remind him of their deal.

Aw, yes, let’s explore how the Empty so neatly ties in with Cas’ fear of happiness. (perfectly mirroring Dean) 

Now, remember, I’m looking at this with the Empty as representative of Cas’ Shadow, which, in Carl Jung terms means the Empty is a manifestation of Cas’ unconscious. 

The Shadow, made up of repressed thoughts, desires and feelings, doesn’t trust that anything will ever be okay or that anything good will last - it’s up to oneself to consciously strive to dare to believe in such things, and conquer one’s unconscious fears, because if our fears are allowed to influence and rule us, then real happiness will be difficult to accept as lasting, and the emotional roller coaster will feel safer than actually standing still in a balanced frame of mind.

The Shadow is in charge of that roller coaster. It’s not really as menacing as it’s made out to be through the Empty, but it is still a side to oneself that one has to face, accept and integrate in order to find that balanced from of mind.

Looking at it from this point of view - and I do - the Shadow telling Cas to keep fearing that moment of happiness — because it won’t last, it will mean he’s bound for the Empty, and a horrifying eternal non-sleep, with no peace in sight — is a manipulative tactic to keep Cas from striving toward self-actualisation and integration.

Because if he does reach self-actualisation, if he balances himself out and gets a moment of perfect internal clarity, where there’s no need for fear, where he’s been able to be honest with himself and honestly LOVE himself in the process, then that moment of self-actualisation will allow him to see his Shadow clearly, and integrate it through acceptance of his own flaws - that shame and guilt and all of that fear of failure will begin to be healed, and his Shadow will have no more emotional buttons to push in order to keep Cas cowed, mistrusting of himself, and defeated.

His conscious self (ego) will no longer be ruled by his unconscious (shadow).

So how does Cas actually beat the deal?

I mean, from that above reading, I would say that a very effective way for him to break the deal is to stop fearing that moment of happiness, and by no longer allowing his fear to rule him, being able to reach his moment of self-actualisation, and the moment of integration.

Cas choosing to become human would be a moment of honesty, of self-insight, of acceptance. It would be a moment of deep, deep self-actualisation. A moment of real internal peace, followed, I would say, by a moment of true happiness.

So let me paint you a detailed spec scenario, because it demonstrates why I am so behind this idea, not that I think this is The Scenario, but because it simply makes sense and ticks all the boxes for satisfaction that are at the back of my head.

Fully-fledged Cas is in Heaven (which is balanced out thanks to Jack/Michael/Death or whatever constellation is created to Fix It) and Cas is now faced with the option to stay an angel, or to go back to Earth a human. 

He makes the choice - meaning his moment of true happiness. *identity based*

The Empty appears. 

But the thing is, Cas now knows what he’s found for himself by making this choice - a loophole.

He cuts out his grace doubly triumphant: he gets to go home, and the Empty has no hold over him anymore.

He is not for the Empty - he is human, and when he dies, he will go to Heaven.

It’s not about taking anything away from him or saying that he’s not fine just as he is, it’s building on the narrative push for him to accept himself, just as he’s always been, and stop fighting it, stop questioning it, stop worrying that he won’t be enough without his powers, that he won’t be able to contribute, that he won’t be looked at the same, because, in the end, when it comes to self-actualisation, all that matters is what you think and what you know to be your truth.

Self-actualisation is about your acceptance of yourself, it’s about your ability to love yourself through that acceptance, and it, in turn, opening you up to receiving love, knowing, to your core, that you are lovable and deserve to be loved.

With this scenario comes a Big Lessons Learned moment that sets Cas up for a reward. 

And what should it be?

2. Family

As already mentioned, we know who Cas considers to be his family: Dean, Sam and Jack.

If Jack doesn’t end up sacrificing himself for the greater good (which I feel is more plausible a death than any other), then his human side would, most likely, keep him on Earth. 

And then there’s Sam. Dear Sam. Who’s a friend in need and a friend, indeed.

Lastly, there’s Dean. And the depth of what Dean means for Cas, and what Dean narratively has meant for Cas’ progression, is pretty much impossible to overlook. 

I know I already brought this up, but I think it’s important to note, because whether we get a textual  pronounciation and conclusion to the subtextual love story between Dean and Cas, or whether it’s kept in subtext and merely strongly hinted at, the fact of the matter is that they matter to one another, more so than anyone else have ever mattered to them and this would, of course, provide the tragedy of a goodbye, should a goodbye be required, and the ending be tragic, but it also pushes on the very real fact of how a reward, in any guise, would most easily be tied to what they’ve narratively (and very canonically) have meant for one another.

Yes, when I say they matter more to each other than anyone else, this means even Sam for Dean, because Sam isn’t the character in the narrative put there to help push for Dean’s progression - Cas is. 

To put it plainly: the codependency is the placeholder, highlighting the progression that’s needed to reach self-actualisation. The trust and healthy challenges Dean shares with Cas is the opposite, underlining the fears he needs to face, and where he should get to emotionally, once he has reached self-actualisation. 

Cas’ relationship with Dean - and how Dean was a role model in all things human, at least up until the moment Cas stated there was nothing left to say and stepped out of that bunker, because he’d learned what he could and he had no interest in learning how to be so unforgiving, which was a Big Lesson, since it takes the label of teacher off Dean and allows him to be entirely something else - could easily serve as a satisfactory conclusion and statement of Cas having incorporated all the lessons of the narrative, especially since so many of them tie directly back to Dean.

Cas embracing his own humanity, for himself, without worrying about what that humanity might mean for anyone else, and believing himself deserving of love due to letting go of all those old fears, thanks to him reaching a point of self-actualisation, would mean that he would stop waiting for Dean to make a move, and might very well make that move himself. 

Personally I’m doubtful it will be textual, but what stronger statement could the writers make of who ends up with whom than to end the series on Sam with Eileen, and Cas returning from Heaven, human, and giving us something very akin to that Cas is Back in Town moment (even if it’s only in spirit)? 

It would serve to let us know that, of course, Cas isn’t fearful of his mortality this time around. He’s empowered by it. And him returning to the bunker, to his family, to the life, to Dean, signals to us how he’s very ready to get back to it all, including going out hunting (with Dean).

Simple. Neat. Non-explicit, and yet undeniable. 

Aka closure.

The good kind. You know? The one that leaves you exhilarated and dancing around your room laughing with joy at how amazing all the subsequent fanfiction will most likely be, exploring all of their post-series finale shen-an-i-gans?? Yeah, that good kind. 

*head exploding*

Most of all, for the people out there who, like me, are thirsty for satisfaction, they will remain Team Free Will (hopefully 2.0), they will remain a family, they will remain. 

There may be new dynamics to work with, but they will still be them and they will remain as close as they ever were, with the promise of them all growing even closer, following each other’s continued progression as they all move into a new phase in their lives. But together.

3. Freedom of Choice

Cas choosing to become human would effectively demonstrate to us how he’s leaving behind the yoke of his previous sense of duty. 

Instead of praying for guidance, or relying on external forces to dictate what his actions should be, he’ll still be doing what has to be done, but he’ll be doing it purely reliant on his own personal view of the world and his place in it.

This would be a rather remarkable way to address how so many of his choices have been made under duress, either because he’s been manipulated into them without having the wherewithal to see through the manipulation (Crowley, Metatron, Lucifer) or because he’s simply felt lost, mistrusting his inner compass and unable to follow any gut instinct that would’ve otherwise been able to guide him.

In making the choice to become human, Cas would cast off his past, shake it off, as it were, and move into his future, free to take it as it comes in a way we’ve only seen him be once before. (as a human)

I suppose my hope is for our love story to grow into the text before the end, but I’m also very aware that we’re rapidly moving towards the 11th hour, and I doubt we’ll get a last-minute confirmation or the show ending on a kiss between them, because this show isn’t about them. 

What’s important to remember, however, is that the fear of happiness runs deep in Dean as well, and Cas has been shown to provide Dean with a source of happiness that he doesn’t get from anyone else, so if Dean’s journey is to end on a high note, and he’s to face his fear of true happiness  and believe he deserves to be loved and the reward being… not linked to Cas in any way? I have a very hard time seeing that happening. So, I have faith.

What I hope for, more than anything at this point, is for an ending definitive enough that we don’t have to wonder and we don’t have to make it up for ourselves. 

An ending that is open enough that we know they will continue on, something for us to build on, and we most likely and most happily will build on it for ages to come, no matter what we get (at least I will), but still, an ending, a conclusion, a statement.

Closure.

*for the love of Ash’s hair*

To Summarise

Here endeth my long speculation and gentle argumentation for Cas to choose humanity at the end of our remarkable narrative. 

To give a brief overview of the points I’ve tried to make (hopefully I’ve succeeded in making them) (whether you agree or not is a different matter) —>

In 15x18 Cas makes the choice to return to Heaven to act as commander of the (handful? or will Jack be able to make more as his powers grow without, you know, transforming human souls?) of angels still there and make a concerted effort to defend Heaven, while Dean, Sam and Jack rally the troops on Earth, and Rowena rally the armies of Hell (please!)

He gets his powers back because the choice is the right one to make as he narratively needs the perspective in order to truly decide who he is and who he wants to be, and the reward for that right choice is that he doesn’t have to face the final battle with broken wings

There’s an ET goes home callback that makes us all fucking cry when Dean and Cas say their goodbyes, Dean being supportive af because that would be awesome, showing his progression

All the while, Dean wishes, fervently, that Cas would just stay, and at some point it would be doubly awesome for him to vocalise this

There is the possibility that everyone understands that if they win this war with God, and things start going back to “normal”, the best thing for everyone would be for the gates of Heaven and of Hell to close, but this might also be something that’s realised once the war is won

(of course it will be won) (thank fuck)

So, either Dean and Cas’ goodbye makes us cry because there’s the understanding that Cas won’t be able to just flit back and forth between Heaven and Earth as he pleases and so it’s really goodbye

Or it makes us cry because it’s still the end of them, as Cas is bound for Heaven again, and their relationship seems to be reverting to S4 status like N-O P-L-E-A-S-E

But because the gates of Heaven are closing (or not) Cas is pushed into making this choice for himself, and naw, he’s not going to stay in Heaven

The moment he makes the choice to return to Earth as a human, the Empty shows up to claim him

But the loophole allows Cas to tell the Empty to fuck right off as Cas (or another angel) cuts out his grace and he falls back to Earth. (in his human vessel) (if Metatron can do it, then an archangel such as Mike or even someone like Naomi, if she comes back on the board, can do it) (eh?)

Cas reunites with the gang, Sam and Eileen are lovey dovey, Dean and Cas are happy for them, and either they part ways here, Sam staying with Eileen, Dean and Cas heading out to Baby, or they stay together, a family unit, with Jack as well, of course, and it’s not like everything is perfect and they’re surrounded by a white picket fence and there are butterflies fluttering, because there’s still evil in the world that needs to be hunted and fought and they’ll always have work to do, but we see them together and we just know they’ll be alright.

All is peace.

And we are done.

FADE TO BLACK.

Buh-LIEVE me, this detail spec is not what we’re getting and I know it isn’t, but I wanted to write it out to explain what I got in my head, why it felt viable to me, and why the worry that they’ll give Cas his wings back and pack him off to Heaven and leave him there made me feel the need to write down why that is just not a good idea. (!!)

Do I actually believe they would ever do that?

I actually don’t. But, by that same token, I don’t know they wouldn’t. And to calm myself, I had to write out why I actually don’t think they would. Because narratively I cannot see how it would ever actually work that he becomes fully-fledged and goes away. You know?

Either he’ll remain as he is, and the Empty, and the sad parts that come with him not actually self-actualising before our eyes will simply be what it is, and I’ll accept it as it is, yeah? 

Or he’ll become human.

He won’t die again. I just do not believe he will. But hey, I’ve been wrong before! That’s partly the fun of this. It’s always so satisfying when you get it even in the ballpark of close to what we actually get on the show. Mh mh goodness.

What’s interesting to me, though, is the whole callback to S8 idea that hasn’t really left me alone since it got in my head, because it would be so lovely and so heartbreaking and so poignant. For Dean to be put in a situation where he supports Cas’ choices and does so without hesitation, but where he also ends up being compelled to say something, to tell Cas he wishes Cas could stay, or hopes Cas will come back or anything that just speaks to how Dean has let Cas disappear one too many times without properly expressing how, maybe, Dean would rather Cas stuck around.

It would, of course, tie back to the prayer, and to how Dean was absolutely ready to look Cas in the eyes, even though there were less then three minutes left on that ticking clock, and tell Cas what he’d felt compelled to say when he thought he was losing him again. There was no need for Dean to repeat it in purgatory, but maybe that was foreshadowing for what’s yet to come.

Even with the impossibility of Cas actually staying, because they have a war to win and Cas is needed elsewhere, it would be lovely if this is the moment Dean makes it clear that, under different circumstances, Dean would have preferred it that Cas stayed.

And for Cas to, instead of having humanity thrust upon him, the way it was in S8 when Metatron tricked him and cut out his grace, getting to choose it this time, and choose it for himself. 

The ET goes home moment would reflect S8 kind of perfectly, but with an actually happy outcome, hinting at a new human!Cas arc and, for me, that would be as good as textual Destiel because they’re on fire in the human!Cas arc. Like, they are moving towards something actual and tangible, the way they’re flirting with each other in that bar. I don’t think there is a more endearing or adorable moment than Cas drinking his beer and paying Dean a compliment and giving him a wink. And Dean then returning the flirtation. 

Um. Yes, please.

By the way, let me make it absolutely clear that there’s no doubt in my mind that the culmination of the love story in no way is relying on Cas becoming human. This isn’t a They Both Have to Be Human to be Together argument, because Dean has been in love with Cas for a long time, long before the human!Cas arc. It doesn’t matter what form Cas takes, to Dean Cas is Cas. 

The question is one of obstacles. We ask ourselves: what’s been stopping them from actually being together this whole time?

To me, all the choices that the characters make throughout S9 is an enormous turning point for all of them, but especially Dean and Cas during the beginning of the season, as their choices give us so much of what they need to do, what aspects of themselves they have to address, if they’re ever to find their way out of self-destruction and self-doubt, and into self-worth, paving the way for them being able to believe they deserve the love that the other has been proffering for all these years, and actually seeing it in its true light, accepting it, trusting it, and returning it without any inhibition.

Add to that the already mentioned shared struggle, as Cas and Dean have always had a deeply rooted fear of happiness, and we can all see the obstacles they’ve had to overcome to get to a place where they can share a healthy relationship.

They have had to build that healthy relationship with themselves first, and the reward at the end: happiness and love. *fingers so damn crossed though*

It really would be beyond amazing if we have it textualised, however subtle it may be, by the end of the series, that they are each other’s happiness, and that, without the other, there’s not much happiness to be had. There’s moving on and there’s not giving up and there’s finding purpose outside this one relationship, of course, but a long and happy life?

Not so much. 

To me, this is a fact that has been covertly explored throughout the entirety of their joint arc, because whenever one of them disappears out of the other’s orbit, their progression pretty much crashes to an absolute halt, or even undergoes serious regression. I talked about that in that other long-ass meta I mentioned, so if you’re hungry for more… 

I digress.

My final point, really, is that getting to witness  Dean letting Cas go, supporting him returning to Heaven, and Cas rightly feeling compelled to fullfil his duty, because it will lead to him being granted the choice of who he truly wants to be, would be mind-blowing. And if it all leads to an underlining of how Dean is taking the narrative lesson of easing up on his need for control, learning to let go and trusting that it will be alright in the end, which then leads to the love of his life returning to him, and Dean, finally, understanding that this is what Cas always does - he may up and leave, but he also always returns.

Only, this time Cas is staying…

I mean. Right? Anything like this. Anything even in the vicinity of this. Oh my God. I’ll be dancing.

I’m intrigued by the fact that Cas is subtly set up as a blindspot for Chuck the Writer, who’s first draft when at Becky’s house doesn’t even mention Cas. I have a feeling Cas will be a pivotal ingredient in them winning this stand-off, as he’s proven himself to be already, throughout S15.

And I’m intrigued by the phrase that has occurred at least twice in our narrative since end of S14: I had to die to get what I want. 

Could Cas almost cutting out his “life force” and bringing himself to the brink of “death” (angelic, as it were) be foreshadowing for how his angelic side has to die in order for him to get what he wants? 

I guess we shall simply have to wait and see, eh?

End of the day, it’s a question of legacy. And I’m just very curious to see what sort of legacy the writers room are gearing up to leave us with. I have every faith - all the faith - that no matter what we get, it’s going to be

s p e c t a c u l a r.

[spnsmile]

Happy?

Monday prompt: BET #SpnsStayatHome

@pray4jensen​ @bend-me-shape-me​ @helianthus21​ @verobatto-angelxhunter​

Castiel leaving Dean to babysit Jack for a few hours comes back to find Dean declaring something utterly ridiculous as—

“I’m going to make you happy!”

This after Jack casually praises Dean not only for being a very good hunter but also an expert hustler, baby driver, fisher, the best chef in the Bunker and just about everything Jack also wants to become (though not really a making of a very good role model), still made Dean feel so good about himself which was rare because in the Bunker— between him and his brother— these are all essential stuff they needed under their sleeves and he thinks Cas barely cares about trivial stuff so Dean appreciates the kid’s honesty because kids never lie.

Until the catch when the boy mentions something in lines of, “Except, you can’t make Cas happy,” making Dean’s eyebrows twitch.

“Excuse me? I can’t make Cas…happy? Did Cas tell you this? That I don’t make him happy?”

“No, but he doesn’t need to say anything. He is not happy, that’s—"

“Wait, you’re telling me I can’t make Cas happy?”

“I think you can’t do that.”

“Even if I’m hilarious?” it has gone very serious.

Actually, Jack means the deal with the Empty but Dean still ignorant of context naturally heard it differently. He heard it like a taunt a challenge on his ability. No one ever challenges Dean without the consequences for even doubting le Dean Winchester! Excuse his French, but he can do anything he put his mind into—and just like that when the angel finally returns from his errand as if summoned, Dean studies him very carefully wondering when the last time Cas’ smile muscles were ever used.

“Cas, you ever been happy?”

Castiel freezes like Dean just told him there’s no such thing as profound bond and continues to look like Dean just gutted him when Dean looks him square in the eyes.

“Happy. I am asking if you’ve ever been happy?”

Eyes widening with a frantic look that seems so out of place from a very simple question, Castiel dwindles. He glances at Jack’s direction searchingly before running the tip of his tongue on his chapped lips.

“Um… why?”

“Ah, shit.” Scraping sound of the chair on the floor as it gets pushed back, Dean stands up tall before the angel, dead flicker on his eyes.

“What—why?”  Cas looks taken aback when Dean turns his heels and walks away. Exchanging a confused looked with Jack, the angel runs after him. “D-Dean, what?”

“You should have said something.”

“About what?” voice quivers a little but no one pauses to check as they drag the conversation to the corridor, possibly aiming for a door to shut on the angel’s face, but Cas doesn’t wait for that so he pulls Dean’s arm back.

“Dean—”

“You not being happy, alright?” annoyance not equal to the hunter’s troubled handsome face. Castiel quickly steps on Dean’s space in concern.

“I don’t understand. What’s my happiness got to do with you?” again with the quiver on the voice.

Dean rolls his eyes heavenward. “ I’m not supposed to ask if my best friend if he is happy?”

Castiel shakes his head, lost for words, nothing to describe his shock at the turn of events. Dean returns it with guilt realizing how the ocean blues eyes always there when he is in dire need, those blues he considers so precious to behold have never expressed real joy since it’s fall. Just always stormy anger and determination to fulfill tasks after tasks season per season beneath the blues of the sky.

But never joy. Well, one time with that burger… Dammit. But then…

An idea suddenly occurs to Dean.

“Cas, I’ve never been a good friend to you—”

“That’s not—“

“No, hear me out. I really suck, I know—”

“Dean—” reprimanding, not right to say.

 “I always make you angry—”

 “Um… okay…” a slow take.

“I always get on your bad side—”

“That is true.” Approving this time.

“I annoy you most of the time—”

Castiel just nods not even trying to stop him now.

Dean glares. “Of course, you realize what this means, do you?”

“Um…” Castiel squints, remembering the Bugs Bunny line Dean always repeats when they watch the loony tunes together, “…war?”

“I’m gonna make you happy,” Dean says with relished determination.

Then true apprehension sets in. The angel saw it in his eyes.

Castiel gulps. “Please, don’t.”

Can’t make Cas happy? You wanna bet?

Three days passed since then. The Bunker remained at peace, oblivious to the upcoming storm. Dean was busy in his room while Castiel can only wait in vain. He becomes apprehensive every time Dean walks into the kitchen or the library or in his general vicinity. Except Dean only smiles at him and do absolutely nothing.

It begins with a text.

Dean smiles to himself in the kitchen with Sam drinking his coffee, Jack opposite him when Castiel’s familiar light steps come bounding from the corridor.

“Dean…”

Sam turns to the angel from his laptop, “Hey, Cas—get this—”

“Dean, you sent me a good morning text.” Cas says urgently, following Dean to the stainless kitchen worktable like he’s afraid Dean would vanish from thin air. Dean who’s wearing a gray calico apron on top of his dark green shirt, sleeves pulled up to his elbows and a very charming look on his face when they stand opposite each other with the angel holding his phone like it’s the bible.

Dean leans both hands on the table, smirking. “So?”

“There’s an emoji text… with a heart.”  Cas insists like it’s very important that they understand and make it clear. Sam stares up quietly from one to another. Dean only smirks and shrugs like he’s teasing the overly reacting angel from a trivial text.

“There’s more where that came from, you just wait this afternoon, Cas.” Winks the hunter like it’s allowed to look even prettier in the morning with his beautifully shaped lopsided smirk playfully turning up as the angel helplessly stares in his direction.

Castiel’s eyes widen.

Oh, but that’s just the beginning.

“Dean, why are you thinking about me?”

Cas’ says from the other line of the phone with voice deep and sounding uncomfortable to Dean who’s currently driving the impala after a successful hunt for the day. Cas was left to babysit Jack in the Bunker while Dean took care of the ghouls in Minnesota that took about half a day to hunt and another half a day to kill.

Out of the Bunker the entire day, he messages Cas and promptly receives a call from a very stricken angel.

“You said in your message ‘I’m thinking about you’…Do you have any specific reason why you are thinking about me?”

“Nothing really,” Dean hums in satisfaction, “I’m just thinking about you, that’s all.”

Castiel gasps. “T-that’s very nice of you, Dean… umm…I cannot think of why a person would think about another—”

“Why? Aren’t you thinking about me all the time too?”

There’s a sound of something crashing on the floor so it’s either Cas was reading a book or holding a laptop and Dean’s betting it’s the latter so he hopes its Sam’s laptop not his.

Dean smirks again and perhaps just forgot Sam is sitting beside him until his brother clears his throat again with a funny look on his face.

Dean ignores him.

That same week when Castiel and Jack return from grocery shopping, Dean is there waiting for them in the war room table with a beer can in one hand and book on the other. He looks up and warmly greets them ‘Welcome home,’ especially giving Castiel a very long, meaningful look, green eyes speaking volumes of sincerity so Castiel stammers a response. Dean meets him on the bottom of the stairs and without a word, twirls Cas by the shoulder and begins removing his coat—

“D-Dean!?”

“Yeah, it’s summer, what are you doing still wearing this? You’ll get hot. Well, you’re hot—” and no one asks if it’s the current body temperature but Castiel adamantly fights him.

“My vessel does not respond to the weather as with you humans—”

Dean takes it off anyway, grinning at another success. Before Castiel can say anything, Jack stands Dean’s side, shoulders hunching and waiting for his own jacket to be peeled. Dean takes it too with a smirk, then sees Sam watching from the table giving him the same funny expression he had from the kitchen.

“You wanna get your flannel taken off too?” Dean shoots over Sam as he puts the coats on his arms. Sam rolls his eyes but it all didn’t matter because even when Cas seems annoyed when they reached the kitchen, he was smiling at Dean the entire evening with less coat off his shoulder.

And it just goes on and on be it in the Bunker, the Impala, in the middle of the case while they are working as FBI agents, Dean will just light up like fire in the middle of nowhere.

“Hey, Cas.”

“What?”

“Who do you think is my speed dial number 1?”

“Um… I’m guessing it’s no longer Sam?”

Dean laughs out loud before knocking on their prospect’s door with an agent’s grim expression returning on his face in a flick of a finger.

One night when Dean strolls past Sam in the kitchen comes the awaited talk because Sam has been watching them and knows it’s no longer ordinary ‘thing’ he can ignore even when he wished he could because just the other night, Sam caught the two dancing on top of the war room table with dopey smiles on their faces, arms around each other with Dean saying something about having a dream of tap dancing and symbolic lamps—

“Dean, you realize you’re giving Cas the ‘boyfriend treatment’...”

Dean who’s jut taken a can of beer from his stash doesn’t break a sweat shrugging, “You’re still speed dial 1 on my second phone, alright?”

“I—I don’t care! What’s up with you and Cas? Are you guys…?”

Dean leans his hips on the table and shrugs.

“Does it matter if we label it?”

“What?”

“Uh… I don’t know what you wanna hear, Sam, but… did you see how Cas’s been smiling a lot these days? And I just thought… it’s not bad. These simple things I’m doing… not bad at all.”

“Yes, I know, Dean. And it’s good.” Sam puts on the ‘I’m-trying-to-not-butt-in-but-i-think-you-need–to-hear’ look when he clasps both hands. “But don’t you think you’ll be confusing Cas? He told me about this whole thing, about how you were only trying to prove Jack a point. But this is more than a bet, Dean… This is Cas’ happiness… what’ll happen if you suddenly stop?”

Dean suddenly stops just enough to give Sam a serious look like he’s thinking and overthinking stuff once again before his thoughts come into a halt and he lifts his green eyes at his brother bearing something like a revelation lights his face.

He smiles.

“You got it all wrong, Sammy.” Then he was just gone.

-------------------------------------------------------

“Are you happy?”

“Asking me this when you just shoved me on your door…” Castiel says, voice deep and husky inside Dean’s room, behind Dean’s closed door, with Dean upon him inches from his face, both hands

Castiel puts careful hands-on Dean’s chest, pushing him a little. Locking eyes with those beautiful orbs is enough for Castiel to forget why they were there in the first place.

“I think I maybe being selfish here, Cas but… I ….”

Castiel tilts his head.

“Why are you so fixated on making me happy, Dean?”

“Will this make you happy?”

“I prefer if you do not take this position.”

“What position?” Dean says, breathless, their hips dancing at the friction. Castiel takes Dean’s neck with rough hands and jerks him closer, foreheads bumping. In reality, Castiel is worried. Castiel knows Dean has been trying to make him happy for weeks now. With that kind of determination, it’s only natural Dean finally realizes what Castiel really wants.

“You don’t have to do all of this, Dean. Making me happy… this is too much…”

“You really want me to stop?” Dean says in a husky voice, his mouth already nipping on the angel’s chin sending shivers all over his body.

“I’m just saying you don’t have to do this to prove anything… Just stay by my side.”

“And if I really wanna do it?” the green eyes flash in arousal. Castiel eyes him searchingly, to see if Dean means it, if Dean is ready because Castiel has been waiting for a very long time. But he still fears it, fears the Empty that may just pull him out of nowhere.

“Are you scared, Cas?” Dean suddenly asks, pressing his lips on the angel’s cheeks, “Don’t look so scared… I’m gonna eat you, not leave you, ‘kay? I got you, Cas…”

Their lips crushed and it’s one thing for Dean to groan, another for Castiel to crush his lips on the man. When Dean lands flat on his back on the bed, Castiel as his top, he looks at the human—the man with the very soul he built from hell now ready to be taken apart again and all for him to take—

Dean who trusts him. Dean who loves him.

And Castiel realizes one thing that night when he wreaks havoc on Dean’s bed, while he breaks Dean apart and put him back again, it’s all too clear, realized why he was still in Dean’s arms the entire night, Dean resting on his chest.

Happiness is impossible to attain.

So, when Jack sits by his side munching on his sandwich months later with Castiel and Dean’s relationship out for the world to question yet bearing no real significance to their truth— comes the most important question.

“Cas, are you happy?”

“No, Jack,” Castiel says with eyes twinkling, watching Dean wrestle the Thanksgiving turkey in the oven. Dean whose wearing his apron again, against the blue shirt with solid determination to have the overlarge turkey inside his oven. Sam who’s there telling him how to do it. Dean growling, not listening just because.

“I’m not happy… I want to see more.”

Castiel just looks at Dean with pure hunger and longing and maybe yes, also lust. Such a human ‘thing’ he has acquired since living in this world for many years, first unable to grasp it until finally, it’s here, with him, a feeling also afflicting the angel. Of the real truth about happiness. That in a way, you cannot just say ‘enough’.

Not with what they have. Castiel smiles.

Oh, he is happy, but not too happy.

He will never get enough of Dean.

The end. Ao3  #stayathomechallenge

[tasteslikemolecules]

5, 26, 60, and 62!!

5. How old were you when you originally watched Supernatural? Did you stop every and come back and when? How did that shape the way you interact with the media?

I tried watching some of the first season when I was a teenager trying to get over Buffy ending. I remember Mary burning, an attic and Sam and Dean quipping (weirdly I can still see the exact scene in my head and it doesn’t actually exist in the show). I hated it. For the next decade all I knew about SPN was that it had an insane fandom. My brother claims we watched a few more episodes (“The good looking Gilmore Girls guy and another dude driving across the US, right? We definitely watched this.”) but I have no recollection of this.

I was 28 when I started watching the show in earnest. My friend got obsessed with it and made me watch it. I really didn't want to, but I also hated being left behind. I promised her I'd make it through the first season before I'd judge. I liked it enough to continue. I liked Sam and the family drama and how dark it was. By season two I really liked the show. By season three I was obsessed. I watched all twelve seasons in the span of a few months. I'd been warned that the show would get bad after season 5 so I kept waiting for it to go bad and... it didn't? I felt the quality dip a little in season 7 (I've since come to love that season) and pick up after that, and I didn't think season 12 was as strong as the rest, but I liked parts well enough.

I started writing fan fiction pretty straight away but I wasn't really involved in fandom. That definitely shaped how I watched the show. I only talked about the show with the real life friends who got me into it. I quickly realized I, at least, partially, liked other things about the show than they did. They didn't really get my obsession with Sam&Ruby or with Sam&Lucifer... or with Sam in general. I started dipping my toe into some fandom spaces when I became really obsessed with Sastiel and didn't want to feel so alone about it, and wanted to look at pretty fan art. Sometimes I'm sad I got into the show so late and missed out on the waiting and the excitement and the speculations, but in other ways I'm glad I got to watch it all on my own and form my own opinions. I also think, watching 12 seasons in one go really blurred the story lines, and let me focus more on the character development than the ebb and flow of villains and monsters. It's more like watching one giant movie where you're holding onto the one main narrative, which was Sam and Dean's relationship.

26. How do you think Cas’s relationships with the Winchesters developed offscreen? I feel like we get to see how Cas and Dean behave around each other plenty in the show and I think there was just more of the same off-screen. With Sam and Cas, I also picture their relationship developing like it did on the show, but there are a lot more blank spots. I think they spend more time on their own than Cas and Dean do, both when they work because they do more research, and when they're off cases. They get along better and have more shared interests and just seem more comfortable around each other. Their canon relationship is like one big slow burn from a really rocky start to best friends co-parenting their adopted son. There's so much stuff that's happened off-screen, and that's without my more fannish head canons coming into play (like how much time they spend together at night in the bunker when Sam can't sleep).

60. Favourite part of season 15? The Barn scene, without a doubt. I'm not sure what I think about it in any meta sense yet, I just found it incredibly gripping and emotional and well acted. And almost a little, well not traumatizing, but really upsetting. The show shied away from the many things they implied and skirted around, and I felt this scene didn't shy away from anything.   Apart from that, I liked the God-connecting shoulder wound and Sam's glimpses into the other worlds. That was definitely the most interesting plot line they started in that season – and dropped in the laziest most unsatisfying way. A season a la Atomic Monsters would have been great. (Definite highlight there, Sam's: “But what I’m saying is that I don’t feel free. What we’ve done, what we’ve lost, right now, that is what I’m feeling, and, and sometimes it’s, it’s like I can’t even breathe.“) Sam's texts to Castiel also took up a ridiculous amount of space in my brain.

62. Is there anything you would change about Cas’s confession scene in Despair? How do you wish it would have gone after that?

I didn't think the whole deal with the empty made a lot of sense in the first place, so he'd have to have had a different reason to confess. I don't like the idea of Castiel being forced to speak about his love and I don't think just saying it out loud brings actual happiness. If that's supposed to be a metaphor for 'coming out', that's stupid, because obviously Dean doesn't care about Cas' sexuality one way or another. Telling someone you love them and knowing nothing can come of that love – I just don't see how that would bring greater happiness than seeing, I don't know, your adopted son child become a good person with your help. Or a lot of other more fulfilling things than unrequited romantic love.

That aside, the scene was just a bad scene, irregardless of content. It was badly shot. The acting was atrocious on both sides and it looked like they were cardboard cut outs. As for the dialogue: I don't mind the idea of Castiel confessing his love on principle, but the way he did it, I just felt embarrassed for him. The implication that he was capable of caring about Sam and Jack only because of Dean was insulting. He learnt to care about Sam while he learned to care about Dean, we saw that while it happened. And loving Jack was a disruptive factor for his and Dean's relationship, it was a liberating step away from him, so Cas' words just ring untrue. Delusional at best.

It'd been more interesting if the Empty hadn't taken Castiel. I would have liked to see the fall out of the confession, although I think most likely Dean would have just acted like nothing's happened. It's not that I wanted a grand Destiel finale, quite the opposite. I like the general idea of the dynamic of Castiel confessing and Dean not reciprocating, but the way it was done was so heavy-handed and out of character. It was a bad end for Castiel's character arc. It was weird and bad attempt at trying to make everyone happy, not trying to get a good solution from a story telling POV. 

[chaotically-cas]

Tombstone spoilers

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Oh my god. This is my raw reaction (I’m posting in the morning) to finishing Tombstone at 3:30 am. I finished it less than a minute ago. I’m in shock. I’m still crying oh my god. Literally crying.

I did not expect to enjoy a western cowboy movie that fucking much???? But I did??? I don’t even know where to start. I’m not sure if the acting from Wyatt Earp’s actor was good or bad. I genuinely can’t tell. But I thought that Val Kilmer fucking carried that movie dear lord is he so beyond talented oh my god. He is so good in these kinds of roles (Jim Morrison) I swear I literally got goosebumps so so many times. I think he is an incredibly underrated actor & that movie is excited why. Jesus fuck he was incredible it felt so real. It was one of the best performances I’ve seen on that type of role from anyone I can’t. The acting overall was for the most part down right magnificent.

The absolute heart wrenching showing of tuberculosis too omg. Especially in lines as small as ‘forgive me if I don’t shake hands’ to his beautifully the makeup department & Val did with showing how physical the disease was. I’m not sure what else to complement besides the fact that ‘the dying man’ is such a common character but I don’t think you can really do much better at all in this case. Top marks.

& the way it was filmed & the shots were so beautiful. It was so timely & cinematic oh my god I can’t describe it. They used close up shots & far away shots both so beautifully & in such a meaningful way I wanna give the director I high five man.

Jesus even Johnny Ringo’s character was absolutely perfect. I don’t remember the actors name off the top of my head but he is absolutely brilliant as well as the rest of the cast. Including Russell who practically directed the entire thing. Jeez I think he was incredible in that role. Even Ike was a fantastic character I’m sorry but I can’t lie.

I could talk about the scene where Johnny Ringo & Doc Holliday first met forever I think. Not only did they but probably two of the best actors in the movie the same room together. But it’s probably one of the most well known scenes too. Just the belligerence & the absolute wit between the both of them, especially Holliday, is mesmerizing. I love the way he turns to his girlfriend & talks to himself over whether the fact he should hate him or not. & he ends up deciding to hate him because he reminds him of himself. Which is again brought up so fucking incredibly later on in the movie. I think it’s amazing they didn’t let that aspect of their characters fall though. I think that scene is just magnificent. The way Doc is so sly & coy with a simple shot glass. Just the way the own shots are mocking themselves as well as the characters in a way is just. God. It’s unmatched. & the way they bring back the ‘he’s drunk’ later in the movie too as such a juxtaposition is just. Shit man. It’s beyond brilliant.

The scene where they all were at a draw & then Doc just winks. & you can see the other actors face go from fear to anger. & then wyatt realizes. Good it’s just a greatly filmed & directed scene everything about it is perfect from the reactions to the shots.

Now. Here is where I might be getting a bit controversial. This movie is gay. It’s fucking gay.

It’s a love story between Earp & Holliday. I said it. From the very very beginning when they first see each other again I could tell that Holliday was pining, he was crushing. & Wyatt was too except he didn’t know it. It was in the ways he cared for his well being & if he needed anything. They both just supported each other & were such good friends throughout it all even in the small things. But the big gestures is where it gets me.

The first being the multiple times Holliday stood up & actually took a deadly fight for Earp. All whole literally dying himself. He was literally willing to do fucking anything for him he was in love idc. & the second being the scene where he is saying goodbye oh my god. & Earp gives him the fucking book ‘my friend Doc Holliday’ oh my god. That’s when I started crying. Cause it was Doc saying that if Wyatt really loved him he would have to let him go & be happy. & then he died clutching the little book his best friend gave him omg. I cried. & of course Wyatt had to fulfill his best friends last wish. That killed me.

There was even a deleted scene between Doc & his girl where she is asking him why he is leaving again. & she is like ‘it’s Wyatt, isn’t it? It’s always Wyatt’ or something to that effect. & dear god I wish that scene was included because it only further shows how close they were. Both did & his girl also went to the lengths of pushing at the fact that he could & wouldn’t mind dying from him. I just think that’s interesting. He literally would do anything for his friend & his girl knows it (as she called herself.)

But what strikes me most is both times Wyatt was walking away from Doc, thinking he would never see him again, he give him something. Like pretty important too. Idk it really got me in my feels & I’m kind of glad it was so subtextual as well as implied through the clearly more than friendly gestures. I don’t think they could have portrayed the fact that they were so sadly in love any better. In my opinion. God I cannot it’s so sad. & the fact that they stayed by each other. The. Whole. Time. Through literally everything. I can’t describe it. They deserved better but at the same time it was so perfectly heartbreaking.

The way he looked down at his feet at the end & laughs right before he died breaks my fucking heard. Because he thought he would be dying down the road or honestly anywhere else. With his boots on. With his friends. I can’t it just kills me. It’s such a small & missable detail but holy shit if you notice it it hurts like a bitch.

I just. I can’t. I really loved this movie. I didn’t expect to like it a bit. I expected to be bored. But the action sequences were amazing. Everything was beautifully filmed. The dialogue was amazing (see quotes below) & just. Overall it was a great movie. I can see why it’s so a-claimed. I understand Dean Winchester so naturally I have to watch the tombstone supernatural episode again. Ah.

I strongly suggest the movie. Obviously with consideration of heavy gun violence & death. But yea it was incredible. Val Kilmer is god I’m pretty sure. I will most definitely be watching this again & sobbing.

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“There’s no normal life. Wyatt. Theres just life. Now get on with it.”

“Don’t know how.”

“Sure you do. Say goodbye to me.”

- - -

“Live Wyatt. Live for me. Wyatt if you were ever my friend. If you ever had the slightest feelin for me. Leave now. Please.”

- - -

“What does he need?”

“Revenge”

“For what?”

“Being born.”

- - -

“I was just foolin’ about.”

“I wasn’t.”

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“Apparently Mr. Ringo is an educated man. Now I really hate him.”

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“You’re so drunk, in fact, you’re probably seeing double”

“I have two Guns. One for each of ya”

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“Maybe pokers just not your game, Ike. I know. Let’s have a spelling contest.”

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“You’re no daisy. You’re no daisy at all. Pour soul. You were just too high strung.”

- - -

“You’re a daisy if you do.”

- - -

“What you doing this for anyway?”

“Wyatt Earp is my friend”

“Hell, I got lots of friends.”

“I don’t.”

- - -

“I’m your huckleberry”

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“Not me. I’m in my prime.”

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God I could quote this whole movie.

But lastly y’all when they were playing cards on his death bed & Doc was like ‘I don’t wanna play anymore’. Yeah. That broke my heart. That scene is 10x more sad imo than Jack’s death in titanic.

& just the fact that his very very last moments alive were spent thinking about his friends future just shows how much they cared for each other. My heart hurts. Such a beautiful portrayal.

& yes I’m going on again about Val’s acting in this because he deserved a fucking Oscar. God. His sophisticated sarcastic & overall ugh everything of the role was absolutely perfection. It’s most definitely my favorite performance by him & maybe actually one of my top ever performances. He is so talented I cannot stress this enough.

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I was tying fast. Ignore any typos.

[agusvedder]

A theory you won’t like.

 Okay so I was thinking... I’m having troubles to digest Archangel Michael stuff in episode 15x08 “Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven”. He doesn’t look at ALL like the Michael we been knowing all these years. I know I know, we been hearing by Lucifer and Chuck that Michael in the cage was crazy mad and stuff but this isn’t the point ‘cause they were lying and we can see that now. Even Michael’s plans were to stay with Adam on earth because when Adam asked if he’s going back to heaven he answered “My brothers are dead. My father never returned. In so many ways, I'm alone” but at least he had Adam. 

The thing is that, as soon as he’s confronted about his loyalty to his father, he never doubted, he trusts him blindly. 

When Lilith confronted him about it, he said “If that's true if he can come talk to me himself”. 

When Cas confronted him, he said “ You've come to tell me that God, my father, creator of all things, is my enemy?”

When Sam and Dean confronted him, he said “I'm not aware of anything. You're asking me to trust you. You, who doomed me, you, who let Lucifer walk free while your own brother sat in hell” - “If my father is back, he will usher in Paradise” (Yeah Mike, he was in Paradise, Vegas) - “ I won't hear this. You're lying. I don't know what your agenda is, but you're lying”

But the interaction that hurt the most was then Adam confronted him. 

Adam: “The point is parents keep secrets, right? Does it hurt to ask the question?” Michael: “It would. It would mean that I doubt him. The good son, the favorite, doubts his father”

And then Cas went taunting him again to achieve planting inside his head all the memories he had from Chuck, and as soon as he walked in, he said “I'll spare you the effort. I'm not gonna betray my father and everything I've believed in.”

I mean, he was pretty confident that he wasn’t betraying Chuck or wasn’t going to do anything against him, because he is his FATHER. 

“Leave, Get Out, I want you dead, We didn’t bond”

That’s what he said to Cas minutes before he changed his mind. That easy? It just doesn’t convince me.

He made the whole bunker tremble just to let them know he reached a conclussion... or maybe it was something different that made the Bunker tremble? Maybe Chuck fulfilling his son’s wish to talk in person? Chuck is a manipulative bitch and he can make anyone believe anything, especially to his son, the one who keeps defendind him after being locked in a cage in hell for 10 years (take note that 10 years for an Archangel as old as the creation itself is not that long). What if Chuck invented a whole story and showed him a different reality? Who would Michael believe? His father or Castiel? 

The answer is pretty definitive for me: His father. 

Michael decided to help them, and he looked sincere, he really did, he definitely looked hurt by what his father has done. But maybe it was a TRAP. 

Yep, A TRAP (15X09)

What if Michael sent Dean and Cas back to purgatory because he wanted to trap them there for Chuck to have time to abduct Sam, and to be free of danger if Dean noticed he was missing? I mean, it wouldn’t be a surprise for me at least, because I remember the Michael we met. Like my friend @verobatto-angelxhunter pointed in her post about the Michaels and Dean we were very surprised to see this Mike is not the same as the AU one, or even the same archangel he was in season 5 when he possessed John Winchester and Adam. But he is. He wasn’t with Adam, because they have a different relationship, they’re friends, partners and only have each other. But why would he change his mind so drastically just in a couple of minutes?

Besides, maybe it’s lazy writing, but the ingredients for a spell to lock GOD away (I mean, GOD.God.) were all things they had in the Bunker except ONE? Nah, it just doesn’t look plausible to me. 

And that Ingredient happens to be A LEVIATHAN BLOSSOM.

Purgatory is a place Chuck created to get rid of Leviathans because they were  creatures who eat angels. “The Piranha that will eat the whole aquarium”, and I want to point out something definitely super interesting that @staycejo1 said some time about Leviathans. 

“Leviathans are all black goo. Does this remind you of ANYTHING or ANYONE? Maybe the EMPTY created he Leviathans and that’s why he’s so pissed at Castiel” 

This will destroy the theory that God created Leviathans, and it actually makes sense. They were the first beasts and then God locked them away. Maybe God and The Empty were pals until he did that and they parted ways. Reminder: this was long before archangels and humanity were created. What if the Empty was like “Okay, you lock my children away? I will soak in empty every angel you create after they die”

(This will also explain why the Empty is helping Billie to plot against Chuck, and why Old Death would lie about the origin of the Leviathans).

You can read my meta about Chuck, Billie, The Empty and the Old Death here. 

Leviathans are creatures Cas had inside himself, that would be the first point for the Empty to be interested in Cas, the second one was that he’s the one that got away, and the third is currently the deal they’re holding. When Cas achieve happiness, he will die and go to the empty.

Now, pointing this out, the deal Cas and The Empty made, was sealed in heaven. God is absolute there, he knows everything about it and it’s probably aware of it. 

What if God thought the only way possible to get rid of Cas was in the hands of Leviathans, children of his enemy and eaters of angels, so that’s why he manipulated Michael into send them to purgatory, close the rift and TRAP them there?

He knows there is a human portal there and Dean already crossed it, so Dean would be safe, Cas on the other hand... 

Chuck is desperate to get rid of Castiel, so maybe this is the only “poetic way” he found for his ending not to be ruined by solving everything with a snap of his fingers. So either he’s planning Cas to die in Purgatory or planning for him to stay stuck there forever because there would be no way out for him.

What Chuck won’t see coming is the obvious solution that will allow Cas to cross the human portal...

VESSEL SHARING. 

Not only @emblue-sparks , @verobatto-angelxhunter and @paper-lilypie talked about this in their metas, but now I bring more evidence for this to MAYBE become real.

In the 15x09 promo we can hear Dean screaming “The monsters are everywhere” so they definitely found troubles along the way, also we can see Dean ALONE in the images of the promo, so... hear me out.

What if this time Dean convinces Cas to ride shotgun inside of him like he did with BENNY the last time?

“Together, we are one” or “We’re together, we’re one” That’s what the spell mean. And it remind me of certain profound bond I know and love. 

(”WE ARE” rings a bell?)

So if Cas rides shotgun (letting Dean take complete control of his body, because he respects him, not like AU!Michael) he will LEAVE his own body, so he will be inside Dean until episode 12 that Jack comes back and maybe between him and Billie, they will rebuilt his body. I mean, the empty sent him back with a new tan, a new trenchcoat and another hair style so anything is possible!

(This is part of what @paper-lilypie​ wrote on her theory! go read her!) 

So they will come back home with Cas hidden inside Dean’s body though the human portal. and Cas will stay there hidden. It’s not like Dean doesn’t trust him enought to let him inside his head. 

*LilithsGifFORESHADOWING.gif*

THAT was in episode 14x03, and then in 14x10 this happened. 

Cas went again inside his head, this time with Sam on his side. 

So they will be sharing Dean’s body for a while, and the prayer will be with Cas inside his head, so that’s why we won’t have an answer from Cas’ side right away. 

Okay and another thing I wanna point out is that season 15 is from beginning to end FOR THE FANS, so they’re bringing characters into the show not by coincidence, they’re bringing them with a purpose, for us to REMEMBER specific things. 

First they brought Belphagor in Jack’s body, who reminds us to Dean's time in hell, to Michael in the cage and to spice things up between Cas and Dean. Then they brought back Kevin, to remind us there’s no way for a soul to go into heaven because now god is an enemy. Then they brought back Eileen, knowing well she couldn’t go into heaven, Sam brought her back by using the spell Jack used on Mary that it didn’t work. Then they brought back LILITH, to remind us the original apocalypse and how much the guys have upgraded. Then they brought back Rowena, to give the guys an ally in hell. Then they brought back Adam and Michael. 

So why would they bring Benny for 30 seconds letting him die under a red light?

That’s right, for us to remember the vessel sharing.

Coincidence? Nope. 

This is the season to bring back. 

Cas will return one way or another, just like Jack. 

We just have to wait and see.

Disclaimer: THIS IS A SPEC BASED ON EVIDENCE I FOUND ALONG THE WAY. 

Tagging: @verobatto-angelxhunter​ @metafest​ @bre95611​ @legendary-destiel​ @mrsaquaman187​ @emblue-sparks​ @paper-lilypie​ 

[samsoleil]

Why Demon Dean wasn’t a fulfilling darkside arc

Darkside arcs can be very compelling narratives! I very much enjoy a darkside arc in my media, and Supernatural generally does them very well. There are four key things that I particularly enjoy about darkside arcs, especially in Supernatural:

The character is “light” at other times, with strong morals and values that prioritise others above themselves.

The character has to (at least initially) fear going darkside and what will happen if they do, because of the above point, and actively tries to prevent it (this builds tension!).

There is an element of coercion, either through the darkside being uncontrollable or the narrative making it so that going darkside is the option with the most reward based on the character's morals.

The character is changed in a way that is incongruent with the way they previously believed, thought, or behaved, either during the arc or in response to it.

When I was watching seasons 9 and 10, I wasn’t as satisfied with Demon Dean as I’d hoped to be. The reason for this is because Dean’s darkside arc across seasons 9 and 10 fails to adequately meet all four of these points, which makes it an unfulfilling arc. 

Dean’s darkside arc complies with the first two points. The first road block that it encounters is that Dean’s darkside arc has less inherent tension. The nature of the Mark leads us to view Dean going darkside as an inevitability, which takes away from the actions that the characters make to combat this. Compare Dean’s darkside arc to Sam’s: in Sam’s arc, the tension was created by the potential for him to go darkside, and was sustained by the ongoing question of “Is this what tips you over the edge?”

(Just want to take a moment to acknowledge that having a substance dependence does not make someone inherently dark. People struggling with substance dependence and drug addiction are just as worthy of love, care, and support as anyone else. While their substance use may be negatively impacting their life and relationships, they are not evil and their substance use is not their “darkside arc.”)

Sam’s darkside arc is multifaceted; demon blood, psychic powers, allying with Ruby, his status as an “abomination”, being Lucifer’s vessel. These all contribute to the fears of himself and those around him that he’ll turn evil, which is a direct contrast to his usual behaviour as a compassionate person who seeks to save people. The concern with Sam's darkside arc was whether Sam, who is someone who values the lives of others and wants to save people, would go “dark” to achieve that goal. It’s an ongoing question: what will be the thing that tips Sam over the edge into having that limitless power and what will hold him back when he does? Even Sam fears who he is and what he could become. He’d rather die than go dark.

Dean’s efforts to stop himself from going darkside are still compelling, but the arc lacks the narrative tension of Sam’s (much longer!) darkside arc. However, his arc definitely still complies with the third point, where he doesn’t want to go darkside, but felt that he had to take on the Mark and use it.

“It’s turning me into something that I don’t want to be.”

Of course, Sam’s darkside arc was never entirely followed through (in fact, it could be seen to have been averted as, despite being possessed by Lucifer and going "darkside", he still was able to do good). However, he still learnt from the experience and it shaped his future behaviour. It made him more compassionate towards people others consider inherently evil and reinforced his view that “It’s not what you are, it’s what you do.”

This brings me to the true flaw in Dean’s darkside arc. Dean’s darkside arc fails to meet the fourth point: Dean is not sufficiently changed either by or in response to his arc for it to be a truly compelling darkside arc.

Dean's changes in his darkside arc are that he gets a bit madder and kills more people (also he has sex a lot but that's okay we're not slut shaming here!). Sounds kinda darkside, right? Except all of those things are things that he has done before. They are established parts of his character. His "darkside" arc is actually just "what if he was a little bit worse". That's not really a fulfilling darkside arc because it's congruent with all of the things that he's been doing. 

So, how did we get here? Why does this align with Dean’s trajectory and why does this make the arc unfulfilling?

Firstly, Dean's anger has been rewarded by the narrative. Namely because he never faces any consequences for it; he's allowed to yell, be physically violent, and seek revenge without repercussions, which reinforces these behaviours. Dean has gotten gradually more and more angry as the series has gone on, and he is able to freely express this anger without any narrative outcry, even when he does things that we, the audience, perceive as wrong.

Next change is in how he treats others, and Dean just doesn't have the value for other people that allows his behaviour during his "darkside" arc to satisfyingly contrast with his normal behaviour! Dean is already very keen on killing people, even people who don't deserve it. Yes, I am still mad about Amy Pond. The only point where it actually could be argued that his behaviour is “out of character” is how he treats Sam, but we have already seen that Dean is sometimes very cruel to Sam! So that's not really anything new for us.

The last point is that Dean likes sex, that's okay, wish he were less misogynistic but wcyd. This is the only part of the arc that actually gets a satisfying resolution, in that Dean’s perspective on relationships is changed.

Overall, this arc is dissatisfying because there is no true motivation to undo the changes, which are progressions of his pre-arc character. The lack of juxtaposition to who he was before also takes away from the prior fear that he has about the mark and his darkside arc. Despite all the awful things that Dean does under the influence as a mark, he doesn’t acknowledge how they changed him or change his future behaviour in response to them. A key example of this is how he treats Jack the same way he treated Sam and every other person he killed because he believed them to be monsters. His darkside arc is all but ignored by the narrative, and prevents Dean from having the reflection and character development that he needs.

The lack of a satisfying resolution is both a major problem with the arc and the best way to fix it.

At the end of it, Dean is horrified by what he's done.

That's it. That's the solution. That's what it's missing, the genuine reflection, the realisation that actually that isn't who Dean wants to be and that it scares him.

We see that early seasons Dean is sometimes horrified by his own ruthlessness. His behaviour during the darkside arc - his own behaviour, but a little bit worse - could be the catalyst for him to have a realisation about his current trajectory as a person. His uncontrollable and often violent anger, killing without remorse, mistreatment of his brother, and use of sexual intimacy to avoid emotional connections are exaggerated traits from his pre-arc character. The way to make the arc fulfilling is to have Dean return to himself and realise that the person he has become is not the person that he wants to be and start making genuine steps to change that.

Dean’s darkside arc turned him into something that he didn’t want to be. His response to that needed to be making change to become someone he wants to be.

[sidecarghost]

My Spn Crack Ending in 3 ACTS + 1 BONUS ACT

This ending is the current iteration as of August, 2020 of my crack, clown wishlist ending. Probably could argue the only thing canon is the names of characters. This is just my attempt to make coherent my wishes and other beautiful, wild fandom wishes I’ve heard. And I think actual finale will be prob be different but also wonderful.

CRACK RECAP of stuff in episode before finale

Chuck gives up writing and goes back to gardening with Joshua

TFW celebrate the victory of getting Chuck to leave them alone, and happy Castiel gets claimed (dies) by the Empty

Finale Episode

All about revamping the broken afterlife system that has been failing

ACT 1 (Prep for the Empty)

Dean needs to bust into Empty to save Cas

Sam finds a spell in one of the Bunkers books for making an enchanted Zoom meeting

The enchantment allows Sam and Dean to have Zoom session with Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, and the Veil

Sam and Dean talk to all the chosen family they have made over the season

Zoom Jody, Donna, Claire, Alex, and Patience are excited to help in any plan that Sam & Dean come up with and suggest they talk to Kevin Tran

Kevin Tran says he doesn’t have any knowledge on the empty but if they find any tablets he might be able to translate, maybe someone in Hell can help

Rowena is brought into the meeting and she says hello boys Sam tells her the spell saved Eileen and Rowena is a proud auntie. She wants to help too, have they tried asking some of the friends they know in Heaven maybe they can sneak into Naomi’s files for intel on Empty

Bobby, Charlie, Ellen, Jo, Pamela, and Ash appear on Zoom meeting. Ash mentions that Jack had come by while Dumah was running things with some humans turned angels and since the Empty is only for angels and demons maybe they can get some angels created to rescue Castiel. The rest of the Heaven group is very excited about this idea

Dean is out-of-his-mind excited about being able to lead a squadron of angels to save Castiel and convinces Jack to transform him into angel along with his found family members that had fallen and are now souls in a failing Heaven

Sam supports his brother Dean and they have sweet brother moment bonding moment before Jack does magic to turn Dean into an angel

Sam thinks they should try calling Amara too since they need every ally they can get. Chuck is out of the question but the Darkness may help.

Amara is always fond of Dean so she is happy to help.

Then Dean and Jack head to Heaven and offer choice to hunter souls (Charlie, Bobby, Jo, Ellen, Pamela, Ash, etc...) to also become angels

ACT 2 (Rescue in the Empty)

Angel!Dean storms Empty to rescue Castiel with his hunter angel squadron and other cosmically powered friends

Jack, Amara, and Dean talk to the Cosmic Entity and convince CE to build a better afterlife for the entities in in the Empty.

Amara listens to and empathizes with Shadow, Amara understands loneliness and rage from her eons locked away by Chuck. She tells Shadow that their past doesn’t need to control their present.

Amara helps Shadow see the potential for beauty and wonder in the void of the Empty.

Darkness and Shadow create a new world in the Empty for angels and demons.

ACT 3 (Heaven Restored)

Castiel is resurrected as angel in Heaven. 

Heaven as office bureaucracy is demolished and is fully powered by the replenishment of Angels.

Jack offers souls that come to Heaven choice of being transformed into an Angel or resting in peace in paradise.

Angel!Charlie becomes queen of Heaven 

Because Charlie was effective queen during LARP episode so most qualified of the hunters

Charlie opens the gates of Heaven so souls are free to roam between each other’s paradises and revisit Earth as they choose (without fear of going insane)

Angel!Ellen and Angel!Jo reopen up roadhouse bar on Earth

Angel!Bobby works at the roadhouse bar handing out jobs to angels to do good works in the world and works with Sam and Eileen to partner angels and human hunters

Castiel mentors the new Hunter angels

Dean is bartender and also has Led Zepplin cover band with Adam/Michael, Gabriel, and reformed Chuck.

Jack also gets to travel between Heaven, Hell, Earth, and Empty to visit his family and friends.

Everything seems ready for happy ending BUT THEN

BONUS ACT 4 (Lucifer's return for reasons)

Sam prays to Angel!Dean frantically to tell him Lucifer had snuck out and escaped the Empty during Dean's siege

Lucifer is in the bunker and randomly drives off with Baby

Dean has no choice but to destroy Baby to stop Lucifer

Now Dean drives the little AU!Sam and Dean car whenever he's on Earth

Dean is very sad about losing Baby, so ending is bittersweet, sad, and poignant.

As Baby burns to ash the large chosen family of the Winchesters all gather around the bonfire to commiserate the end of Baby while classic rock ballad plays.

The final chord of the song finishes.

Then black out.

Threads wrapped up by above clowning

Sam and Dean have moved on from the hunter lifestyle that fate and their father had forced upon them. But helping people is still a part of who they are, so now they continue to do good work on their own terms.

Dean 

fulfills Deaths plan of fixing the failing afterlife system 

gets to run a bar and sing in a rock band with his found family

spends eternity with Castiel

Sam 

fulfills his dream of finding his own life and starting family

Sam gets chance to try to have relationship with Eileen without weird Chuck trying to manipulate them

gets to lead a hunter school in Bunker and mentor the next generation of hunters

Castiel 

makes things right by restoring Heaven to better than before by mentoring the next generation of Angels

spends eternity with Dean

Jack 

fulfills destiny of creating paradise by populating Heaven with badass angels instead of pencil pushers 

Angels now actively try to spread good works with humanity and provide watchful eye that things stay in balance instead of being dicks with wings

gets to be raised by his three dads as he travels between realms.

Rowena & demons, Charlie & angels, Amara & Shadow, Sam & Eileen

handle stuff for Hell, Heaven, Empty, and Earth

Purgatory seems to continue doing fine as monster chaos

Chuck 

gives up living vicariously through his creations and becomes a hands off God like he was in season 4.

Charlie

After being unfridged, she is amazing lesbian Queen ruling gloriously over Heaven

Baby 

given a hunter’s funeral and burned to ash

[thetrap]

okay okay i just had a big aha moment.....so we know that next week’s episode is probably gonna be a flashback/monster of the week episode, so there won’t be much talk about jack’s death wish BUT the description for 15x17 is as follows:

Dean hits the road with Jack who needs to complete a final ritual in the quest to beat Chuck (guest star Rob Benedict). A difference of opinion leaves Sam and Castiel behind looking for answers to questions of their own.

guys....it’s so obvious like. clearly what’s gonna happen is that dean will ultimately accept the idea of jack sacrificing himself to beat chuck, but sam and cas won’t, which is why we have dean and jack heading off to do the ritual while sam and cas go to death’s library (as shown in the au revoir promo) to look at jack’s book.

now. i know that the current fear is that cas is ultimately gonna sacrifice himself to save jack BUT. this episode is called “unity.” i feel like what’s gonna happen is that sam and cas do find a way to keep jack alive and still defeat god, hence the title. they keep the unity of team free will intact. it goes in line with what sam and dean say every time they’re faced with an apparent no win scenario: “we’ll find another way.”

also consider the description for 15x18:

With the plan in full motion, Sam (Jared Padalecki), Dean (Jensen Ackles), Castiel (Misha Collins) and Jack (Alexander Calvert) fight for the good of the common goal.

now, idk about you guys, but cas’s reaction to jack’s reveal tonight showed that there is NO way he’s just gonna accept jack’s death like. he will Not Do It. so it seems super unlikely that he would go along with whatever “plan” is referred to above. to me, this signals that there’s a new plan, aka the one they figure out in 15x17 that allows them to keep tfw “united.” 

the part i’m least sure about in all of this is how cas gets permission to be happy/how the empty deal will get fulfilled, but the fact that cas literally referred to this line word for word in episode 13 suggests, to me, that it’s not going to be dropped. that’s beyond lazy writing, that’s like....pure incompetence. also consider the fact that the empty is obsessed with cas, and that it says to him in 15x13: “see you soon.” that’s not even foreshadowing it’s like.....just blatant text. the empty will take cas, one way or another.

it’s possible that that the empty deal will still somehow align with cas sacrificing himself for jack, but given the episode descriptions, along with the promo scene with teary-eyed cas and dean (because that shot where dean is turning with tears in his eyes 100% seems like he’s turning to face the shadow) i feel like there’s at least a possibility that it’s a separate thing. it could also be that finding a way to save jack is precisely what makes cas feel happy - like hey!! we might actually do this in a way where we all come out alive!! - but idk how that would work with the timing.

anyways probably none of this makes sense and like....in all honesty, i do think that it’s best for us to prepare for the possibility that cas permadies in 15x18 (although for narrative reasons i still think it’s SUPER unlikely) but. i do think there are a number of scenarios where this all works out in a way that’s far less doom and gloom than what people are speculating right now

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 4X19 Jump the Shark

Oh hey is this the illegitimate brother plotline

boy I love me some sweet sweet ANGST

whelp she's fucking dead

picture of JOHN?

Sam's peacefully brushing his teeth and Dean's Not a Morning Person

boy he's having a bad morning

to be fair, living out of the car is kinda not fun either

"I'm his son" Dean: I'm gonna fUCKING KIL-

he's..premed?

they're going to ruin his life too aren't they, Aren't The-

Dean is taking this really well

I mean he did get the brunt of John's Issues, so I get it, yike

ASDFPIHP them discussing their dad's ~sex life~ is very funny though

Dean was...preteen? when this kid was born? Sam was under ten definitely

Dean Please

No that's your Actual Brother guys PLEASE

hunting accident "ah fair enough"

"who is a nuclear family these days" FEELS SO LOADED

Dean...Dean please don't fUCKING KILL HIM DEAN

THE IMPALA NOOO

"he took you to a baseball game" IDSFHAPF

He's Trying not to CRY OH MY GOD NO WAIT

Sam resonates with the away from college thing oh NO

Dean is trying SO HARD not to snap

at least he's...trying..to keep adam out

corpse snatching => HEY LOOK IT's THE BONE STEALING WIT-

I think I need to stop being online jesus christ

the [both sigh] was so good

well...that's a lot of blood

How the hell do you break it to your illegitimate brother that you're ~technically Wanted by the FBI

at least he's not an idiot

HE'S SO MUCH YOUNGER THAN THEY ARE

I mean obligatory dead mom

"do i get a say in this?" "NO!"

no..no SAM DEAN HAS A POINT

Middle sibling + younger sibling gang up on elder

"have u thought about eternity" "bro i've literally been to hell Idk what to tell u"

Dean doing it solo but Sad is...:(

Oh he worked the old case, that's neat

"so it's over for you" welllllll

OO THE TRUCK SHOT WAS COOL

dean + long dark coat truthing tonight HE LOOKS G O O D

it wants revenge

YOU FUCKERS AND YOUR REVENGE BELA WAS R I G H T

and Adam Instantly wants revenge, you sir are definitely a Winchester

"it's life" WELL IT SHOULDn'T BE

the stupid isolationism I hate it

NO GO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE KRIPKE WHY

Sam's becoming his dad, and Dean isn't

...SAM WHAT THE FUCK

DAD MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT DO RIGHT BY YOU

HIS GODDAMN GRIEF SPIRAL GOT BOTH OF YOU

LET HIM BE NORMAL! HAPPY! IT IS TOO LATE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW(NOT ALWAYS)(Also very close to the thing with zachariah in placement(eye emojis) BUT LEAVE HIM ALONE!

I do appreciate Dean Eldest Sibling'ed it up even if he didn't like the kid/was jealous. Goddammit I wish we got connection in this stupid show

I was expecting a jump scare but somehow the squish is worse

sOn oF aBitcH

Ah FUCK NOT ADAM TOO

I do like the little angel Icon though, that's what's Dean's way out

Ghouls is a racist term?what????

no john winchester was 100% a monster

ah it was their father

yada yada father killing circle idk

YAY! DEAN'S INGENUITY IS BACK!

Ghoul!mom is really really good. I liked Scared Adam better though

the slicing sam scene is BRUTAL jesus christ

So...John got his own son killed in the end...

SERIOUSLY HE WAS TERRIBLE

Dean JESUS CHRIST

awww caring Dean is nice

AWW HUNTER'S FUNERAL

"Adam's in a better place" :(

Dean tried to fit himself into the Dad box, Sam's actually him

"you take it any way you want" oh for FUC- HE- I-

he looked so Sad, so like...he's stopped idolizing him

jesus christ.

boy there's gonna be overlap ok here we go.

1. poor dean. Ok couple things: 1) he elder sibling'ed it SO HARd! he didn't even like Adam, but he still tried to keep him safe(I think). he gave him a hunter's funeral! I just. It was nice to see. It was also INCREDIBLY painful to hear the realization of "you were always like dad, I never could be" and the fact that he didn't even see it as a good thing anymore? fUCK man, that huRT me. Dean tried so hard to be something he wasn't, he got probably the brunt of the abuse(because he didn't measure up to that metric like Sam always would), and in the end all it got him was...just. so much pain. Like it felt like John left his Broken children behind to get a new one, and just turned them into his quest for revenge. It was SO So fucked

Hey actually speaking of

2. AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE BEING A HUNTER/JOHN? WHAT HTE FUCK?

YALL ALREADY MARTYRED HIM BUT UR MAKING HIM WORSE?

LIKE ok listen. John's kinda set up as the ideal of hunting. They martyred him! And I was halfway sold provided they didn't mention him again. Then! he did this thing where he abandoned his kids, seeing them only as tools to fulfill his quest for revenge, literally broke them(that too late thing+zachariah saying "it's in your blood" when really it was just trained from a young age), got a NEW family he treated a lot better. I just. I have...NO idea how I'm supposed to see him as a good guy here. Maybe I just kin Dean, or his plight is WAY more sympathetic(it is, Sam is kinda pissing me off), but John's just...coming off worse and worse and they KEEP doing it!

Also! this whole cycle of revenge thing! about how if you keep taking an eye for an eye, everyone ends up blind! they barely escaped this time, and I think this was the second revenge plot that I can think of with MONSTERS alone! it was a BIG theme! Like!! hunting sucks! revenge makes you end up in worse places! it's like this one episode was made to show how SHIT hunting was!

wait who wrote this

Dabb+lofflin. The hunting sucks always comes from-

this GODDAMN INCONSISTE-

3. Fuck John Winchester

4. Individualism. Ok this is a big one. Alongside the whole revenge plot thing(which is BIG, and a hunting sucks), this one drove home the sheer individuality of hunting. But while some of the writers see that as Badass, this one made it seem lonely, and painful. Like the flip side to American Individualism is American Chronic Loneliness. I know this one was used to process the ennui of the post recession/post 9/11 time, and it's doing very well for that, but it kinda ends up like this show is EVERYONE'S therapy all at once! the gang's all here! and we're gonna traumatize you in the process as well.

EDIT: and yeah yeah yada yada american individualism is King and then so is it’s accompanying loneliness in the post 9/11 post war in iraq post recession world(we were not having fun in 08/09)

and I get that this show is the writer’s therapy and whatever

(I just thing this is phrased better)

5. bring him back. Connect! Look. I know it breaks the core ethos of this episode. But having Weird Esoteric Hunter siblings would have been SO FUNNY!

give me more sibling content! Sam+Adam teaming up against the Eldest Sibling Dean WAS SO FUNNY! I WANT MORE OF THAT

6. SAM WHAT THE FU-. Look. I hate John. I very much hate John. They set up the Sam/Dean dichotomy in regards to John first episode, and Sam acting more like an ass+like his dad is. Not making me like him. Also I feel like this was written to sympathize with Dean. Which makes the finale even more ironic, I feel.

7. Listen. Listen. One of you has to keep track of continuity. Like I know this becomes a WAY bigger problem later in the series, but if a certain writer wants to process/examine a certain part of the Life/Story(and they should, they set up a lot of interesting stuff), they have to keep track! Because then the show becomes everything all at once.

Like this show has ALREADY started feeling like fanfic of itself, where it just kinda does whatever it wants with its own concepts. And the concepts are GREAT! but you can TELL how inconsistent it is, even in the kripke era

like it ends up being Study of X, Riff on X! and I think that's where the inconsistency comes from. It's also why it's so fucking Excellent in places.

whelp this was a lot holy hell.

OH AND ONE MORE THING!

Bela didn't fit the narrative. That's why they didn't like her. I said at the beginning that an Int'l art thief does NOT fit the vibe of "grungy Angsty American Midwestern gothic" and I was right. With the lucifer story and the vibe she didn't fit, and so they just killed her as foreshadowing, and only used her like that. God I wish they'd riffed on her, especially because her callouts were all completely correct

we're Bela Salting again

listen she was preppy Jack Sparrow with some spiritualism, how dare you tell me not to like her.

[mittensmorgul]

current rewatch is mid s14, and this morning I watched Lebanon, 14.13. And I have some thoughts. Probably thoughts I’ve already had, but they hit different now...

Dean smashed that pearl, and I really do think that he got his stated wish-- Michael out of his head. After all, none of the last 14 years ever happened, post wish, and the door to the alternate universe was never opened, Michael never came through... none of it. It’s like their entire history was rewritten.

And we know Chuck was the writer all along. But we also know how Chuck used free will and choice to manipulate them their entire lives. It was always their choices, only none of their choices were GOOD, you know? He laid down the game, set them on the board, and controlled and limited their choices at every turn.

Just like the false choice Dean was presented with in every repeat of the loop in Rocky’s bar in 14.10-- every day when the realtor came in asking Dean to sell the bar, forcing him to choose to stay there, unwittingly trapped in that loop by Michael. “Living the dream.” What if he HAD chosen to sell? What if Michael’s little bubble of a world in his head broke down, and Dean stopped participating in the charade? Would the entire illusion have shattered? Would Michael have had to step in and reinforce the illusion in some way? Because as long as Dean kept “choosing” to refuse to sell the bar, he was choosing to stay in the illusion, in the false reality trapped in that loop in his own mind.

The pearl wish was effectively no different, just on a much larger scale.

He chose to make the wish, and the pearl delivered it. Michael was gone from his head, at least for a little while. The world fundamentally changed, and even Chuck’s story going back to the beginning of the series had to change with it. The narrative of the entire series was erased, including Chuck’s involvement in all of it. Which seems... impossible, to erase the will of God when he has literally been writing their story from the start.

Why would bringing John from the past have stopped the angels from manipulating events to bring about the apocalypse? It wasn’t JOHN they needed to break seals, it was DEAN. Why would the demons have simply left Sam at Stanford to complete his law degree? Why would they have allowed Dean to get out of sacrificing himself, just because John wasn’t there to sacrifice himself first?

We know the angels (and demons) had been playing a very long con to start the apocalypse, since long before Sam was born (remember Azazel at the convent in 1972, in 4.22? so do I). And all of that preparation-- everything that had happened before 2003-- still happened, before the pearl wish brought John to 2019. Cupids still worked their asses off to unite John and Mary so that Sam and Dean could be born, to fulfill eons of prophecy that they would be the true vessels to Michael and Lucifer to bring about the apocalypse as God willed it.

Do they mean to suggest that after all of that-- the entire history of the universe that had been leading to this, and everything in Chuck’s story-- that just moving John out of his timeline three years before the big showdown was scheduled to begin would leave all of Heaven and Hell shrugging like it hadn’t been their sole mission for years to set this up for the apocalypse?

That’s asinine, honestly.

I don’t think-- any more than Dean “choosing” not to sell Rocky’s bar was-- that the pearl wish was ever actually a “choice.” Because Chuck would’ve never tolerated any of it. He would not have allowed that choice to stand. He had too big of a story to tell.

Which is incredible to me now, because if that was the case, and even that pearl wish was a false choice-- one Sam and especially Dean could never allow to stand for their own reasons-- then the finale makes no possible sense unless viewed the exact same way. Everything that happened after Jack took Chuck’s power was still a function of Chuck’s hand in the narrative, just like the pearl, just like Rocky’s bar. Choosing to renew their commitment to playing the game, over and over again. And that’s just so depressing to me.

I still think this is the most important exchange in the entire episode:

Sam: Once we send Dad back... it's like none of this ever happened. He -- He just goes back to -- to... to being Dad. Dean: You saying you wish things would be different? Sam: Don't you? Can you imagine -- Dad in the past, knowing then what he knows now? I... I think it would be nice. Dean: Yeah. I used to think that, too. But, uh... I mean, look, we've been through some tough times. There's no denying that. And for the longest time, I blamed Dad. I mean, hell, I blamed Mom, too, you know? I was angry. But say we could send Dad back knowing everything. Why stop there? Why not send him even further back and let some other poor sons of bitches save the world? But here's the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Well, maybe. But I got to be honest -- I don't know who that Dean Winchester is. And I'm good with who I am. I'm good with who you are. 'Cause our lives -- they're ours. And maybe I'm just too damn old to want to change that.

Because yes, this is awesome! This is Dean finally accepting who he is, both because of the life he’s led AND despite it! He’s made his peace with himself, built a family of choice around him (in direct defiance of the “wife and kids” life John would’ve chosen for him and that he thought he wanted for years to please his father), and he’s happy with it, and with himself and the people he loves.

Only this is functionally no different than him refusing to sign the bill of sale on Rocky’s bar. This is Dean recommitting to his role in Chuck’s story. And at the same time he believes in this moment that this is him choosing his own life, really what he’s choosing is to return to the role in the story that Chuck had cast for him. And isn’t that horrifying? Does this not explain WHY he was so absolutely broken by everything that would come after, and especially by the revelation that he’d never really had a real choice in his life?

Chuck would go on to kill Mary, manipulate him into trying to kill Jack, leading to the breakdown of his relationship with Cas, and his own feelings of purposelessness that would drive the entire plot of s15. And then at the end, instead of being allowed to explore this new world of free will, for Cas to have been brought back one last time in defiance of the story Chuck had always intended for him, too, Dean succumbs completely to “destiny” and “fate” and had “no other choice” but to fulfill Chuck’s narrative at last. And I will never, ever be over that.

So my advice is to take 15.20 and crush it like Sam crushed the pearl. Because it’s just the culmination of Chuck’s false choices, and the antithesis of freedom from the narrative they should’ve had in the aftermath.