#Alpha Bro x Rose

[davekat-sucks]

Alpha Dave ❤️ Rose aka RhymeAndReason Aka AgegapAlchemists is better than Davekat by miles

Alpha Dave ♥️ Rose aka Rhyme and Reason is better than Davekat.

[d3stinyist1red]

ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ɴᴇʀᴅ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛ 𝟸

yan nerd who gets put into a group project with you and some other npcs, as he calls them, not paying any attention to neither of them, rather going to practically sit on your lap and cling onto you the whole period.

yan nerd who annoys the other members of the project bc hes js there helping you, letting only you copy, and they could literally hear the down bad things hes whispering in your ear (hes doing it on purpose bc he thinks they want u and he needs those bitchs to back off)

"Hey (nerd yan name), why arent you helping us as well? We literally having zero fucking clue what to do." One of the members asked, scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion.

yan nerd who ignores them and goes back to acting cringy to you as you look as if hes holding u hostage.

yan nerd who is an absolute loser that prob has greasy fried hair, ofc he calls u his alpha and its him and u against the world.. uhm so! this is insane!

yan nerd who literally hyperfocuses on anything u like, making himself liking it aswell. Js so he can “accidentally” bring them up in conversation, and see the way ur eyes lit up in surprise at the fact he remembered ur interests. Whenever you talk about anything you like, he quickly talks about it himself to make him seem more likeable to you,

yan nerd who in the middle of class, day dreams abt you literally with roses and hearts in background as you say "Your so hot~" (hes delusional pls..)

yan nerd who has had one gf but that was the start of his obsession with you and he was trying to stop himself with being obsessed

lets js say it didnt work bc when he was making out with his gf, he kept whimpering and moaning out your name...😭

yan nerd who tries to impress you with fun facts as he puts up his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He’s the type to text you random facts throughout the day, just to remind u of him

ɪʟᴜᴠᴍʏɢғʏ/ɴ

did u know that dogs have dreams?

I just wanted to let yk so when we have 10 kids, 3 dogs, and a cat together baby <33

yan nerd who over analyzes everything, every convo with u leads him to be in the dark of his room, smiling and delusionally think u need him in ur bed and that u def want him bc u looked at his lips for 0.01 secs

yan nerd who even practice conversations in their head before seeing Y/N again, trying to make sure everything goes perfectly. Though, whenever he go infront of you and actually try to talk to you, he loses all composure and says the first thing to mind. "Can u sit on my nos- I mean!"

yan nerd who lowk has rizz tho

“Hey, did you know sea otters hold hands when they sleep, so they don’t drift apart? Kinda like how I wouldn’t want to drift apart from you, baby" He says looking at you with the most down bad eyes, rubbing your thigh under the table as you try to pay attention to the math lesson

"bro unhand me"

"If i do, will you bounce on it?"

yan nerd who, nvm does not have rizz

yan nerd who is a loser who spends most of his time humping a body pillow of u <333

MORE COMING OUT SOON!!!!!

RESQUESTS ARE CLOSED

[minnielvr]

ROSES ; a lee felix smau ────────── synopsis : y/n is a cafe worker and a big fan of the kpop boy group stray kids, what happens when her bias walks into her cafe? pairing : idol! lee felix x fem! reader featuring : stray kids, keeho & jeongseob from p1harmony, yunjin from le sserafim, yeji (faceclaim) & ryujin from itzy, others may be added as the story continues. warnings : cursing, kys jokes, bullying (jokingly), extremely suggestive jokes. status + updates : this smau is complete. notes: begging u guys from the bottom of my heart pls dont spam like😞🙏!!!!!!!!!!!!! ───────── profiles cutie patooties😛 | homeless kids🔥🔥 chapters 1. get off my case 2. YOU MET FELIX?!?!!? 3. is she bad? 4. today is the day🫡 5. THIS IS NOT A DRILL 6. bro is down BAD 7. no promises 8. im the alpha 9. what the actual fuck... 10. how is it different? 11. ur hopelessly in love w him 12. im listening... 13. devils tango 14. boyfie 15. smooch😘😍🥰 16. what the fart 17. micheal jackson room 18. it smells like piss in here 19. daddy🥵 20. hes a keeper 21. funny 22. wtf... 23. old friend 24. wake up and break up! 25. break up over text 26. hes miserable 27. mission impossible 28. take me back? 29. god i love you ───────── the taglist is closed!!

[tertiaryapocalypse]

my piece for the disabledstuck zine, which you can check out here!! it looks really cool all together ^_^

[id: an illustration of john, jade, rose, dave, and davesprite sitting together, in what is presumably a living room. behind them are a variety of posters displaying theirs and the alpha kid's interests, including, from left to right: a picture of kamina from gurren lagann, a national treasure poster, a signed & elaborately framed drawing of sweet bro and hella jeff hugging, a squiddles poster which has been drawn on top of to look like the beta kids, an image of schrodinger with cat ears and whiskers drawn on in pink, a framed photo of sigmund freud, a poster for the movie contact, a photo of obama with red hearts drawn all over it, a wizard print, a poster for bbc sherlock, a print for problem sleuth, a horse calendar with orange annotations on the image and every day crossed out in red up until the 26th of july, a printed image of jigsaw, and a printed image of lil nas x. behind all of the other posters and images is a large photo of neyteri. the wall is a light bluish grey, and the floor is hardwood. june and dave sit on a light green couch with a floral pattern. davesprite is an orange sprite who is slightly glowing. he has similar features as dave, though wing wears his hair in short locks and has a septum piercing. he has gauges and a black beaded bracelet. wing leans on the top of the couch with his arms crossed and wings tail floating behind him, looking over at dave with a lazy expression as dave talks. dave is a blasian person with medium dark skin, short curly hair, which is bleached blond, braces, and aviator shades. she wears a dark red hoodie, dark grey skinny jeans, and a similarly red beanie, as well as green socks with dinosaur bones patterned on. he has a star of david pin and a system flag pin. he leans on the couch and has one leg crossed over the other. john grins, seemingly laughing at dave. she's a chinese-brazilian boy with lighter skin, square rimmed glasses, some stubble, and long straight dark hair in a ponytail. she has his ears pierced and wears a trans necklace, as well as his typical tee shirt and a pair of grey cargo shorts. she leans against the arm of the couch. rose and jade both sit on the floor with their backs to the couch. rose is knitting a pink scarf, listening to their conversation while making an amused expression. it's a blasian girl with curly lavendar hair. she has dark makeup on, and wears a black t-shirt with a purple pleated skirt and black socks. she wears compression gloves and black earrings shaped like the star of david. jade leans on it's knee, sleeping peacefully. jade is a chinese-brazilian person with long wavy dark hair, streaked with white. they have white dog ears and a tail, though said tail is hidden. they habe rounded glasses and wear a dark green cargo skirt and dave's shirt. dave, rose, and davesprite have rounded chins, wide, flat noses, and full lips, while june and jade have slightly more angular chins, hooked noses, and thinner lips. john and dave both have canes leaning against the couch. june's is green and has an offset handle, and daves is a red folding cane. end id.]

[shippingforpros-homestuckedition]

COMPLETE TAG LIST

Writing this now before it becomes impossible :3

TAGS YOU MIGHT WANT TO BLOCK (or search): #shipcest #age gap #toxic ship #comship (to add)

NOTE: Shipcest = ship between relatives Age gap = minor x adult, minor x minor, adult x adult, it depends! Comship = All "problematic" ships and requests will have this! Blacklist this to have only wholeshome thingies :3

ME: #pro's post #answer #not a req #shameless self promo

REGULAR TAGS: #homestuck #request #rej (⬅ for rejected requests)

QUADRANTS: #flushed #pitch #pale #ashen

NOTE: Human x Human ships won't have the flushed quadrant specified.

CHARACTERS AND SHIPS:

NOTE: ❌ = Not done yet. ORDER: Beta Kids & Guardians; Alpha Kids & Guardians & Cherubins; Beta Trolls; Alpha Trolls; Ancestors; Sprites & Extra.

BETA KIDS & Guardians

🐛 #John Egbert #June Egbert #Spider8reath (John/June x Vriska) 💿 #Dave Strider #Dersecest #Daverose #Daveroxy 🐙 #Rose Lalonde #Dersecest #Daverose #Rosehal ⚛ #Jade Harley #Jadejaneroxy #guncest #jakejade #Jadefef

🍰 #Dad Egbert ❌ ⚔ #Bro Strider ❌ 🍷 #Mom Lalonde ❌ 🤠 #Gandpa Harley ❌ 🐕 #Becquarel #Bec ❌

ALPHA KIDS & Guardians & Cherubins

🥄 #Jane Crocker #Jadejaneroxy #Janefef 🧢 #Dirk Strider #Dirkrrim (x Porrim) 🐱 #Roxy Lalonde #Daveroxy #Jadejaneroxy ☠️ #Jake English #Guncest #Jakejade

🕶 #Lil Hal #Rosehal

🍰 #Dad Crocker ❌ 🎬 #Alpha Dave Strider ❌ 🧵 #Alpha Rose Lalonde ❌ 🏝 #Alpha Jade Harley ❌

⛎ #Caliborn ❌ ⚕ #Calliope ❌

BETA TROLLS

♋ #Karkat Vantas 🌹 #Equikat

♈ #Aradia Megido 🐸 ❌

♉ #Tavros Nitram 🧚‍♀️ ❌

♊ #Sollux Captor 🐝 #Solnep #Captorcest #Psiisol ♌ #Nepeta Leijon 🧶 #Solnep #Leijoncest #Meupeta

♍ #Kanaya Maryam 🧛‍♀️ ❌

♎ #Terezi Pyrope 🐲 ❌

♏ #Vriska Serket 🕷 #Spider8breath

♐ #Equius Zahhak 🐴 #Equikat

♑ #Gamzee Makara 🤡 #Meuzee

♒ #Eridan Ampora ✨ ❌

♓ #Feferi Peixes 🐟 #Jadefef #Janefef #Peixescest #Meenfef

ALPHA TROLLS

🔴 #Kankri Vantas ❌ 🔞 #Damara Megido ❌ 🐂 #Rufioh Nitram ❌ 🎮 #Mituna Captor #Meutuna 👌 #Meulin Leijon #Leijoncest #Meupeta #Meuzee #Meutuna ♀️ #Porrim Maryam #Dirkrrim 🛹 #Latula Pyrope ❌ 💍 #Aranea Serket ❌ 🧤 #Horuss Zahhak ❌ 💀 #Kurloz Makara ❌ 🚬 #Cronus Ampora ❌ 🔱 #Meenah Peixes #Peixescest #Meefef

ANCESTORS

💉 #The Signless ❌ 🕰 #The Handmaid ❌ 🏳 #The Summoner ❌ 🛸 #The Psiioniic #Captorcest #Psiisol 🐅 #The Disciple ❌ 👩‍👦 #The Dolorosa #Dolofang ⚖ #Redglare ❌ 🏴‍☠️ #Marquise Spinneret Mindfang #Mindfang #Dolofang 🤖 #The Executer ❌ 👑 #Grand Highblood ❌ 🔫 #Orphaner Dualscar #Dualscar ❌ 💋 #Her Imperius Condesce #HIC ❌

SPRITES & EXTRAS

🐦 #Davesprite ❌ 🐾 #Davepetasprite^2 ❌ 💣 #Erisolsprite ❌

[to add]

[takendruid]

This has been playing on my mind literally ALL DAY. This isn’t kid Dave, Roxy, and Dirk (obviously). It’s actually meant to be Mom Lalonde, Alpha Dave/Davebot and Bro/Ult Dirk. Bro and Ult Dirk are meant to be the same person, and Roxy and Dirk are the parents of all the stilonde kids: Candy Roxy (the oldest), Dirk (second oldest, just short), OG Roxy and Meat Roxy (twins, younger than Dirk. Both trans), and Rose and Dave (the youngest, twins).

PART 1 | PART 2 | first Bleach x Homestuck au post

[hardcoreprocess]

gimme a few selections from homestuck!

Technically, an OTP refers to your One True Pairing. But fuck that. It’s now: “Oh... that pairing.” Here’s a few based on fucked up categories I’ve made up.

Psychological torture is thought-provoking and hot OTP: Beta Bro Strider x Lord English.

Somewhat excusable incest OTP: Dirk Strider x Rose Lalonde or Roxy Lalonde x Dave Strider, possibly John | June Egbert x Jade Harley.

Fully inexcusable incest OTP: Grandpa Harley x Jade Harley or Alpha Bro Strider x Dirk Strider.

Mind control and it’s about to get worse OTP: Aranea Serket x Jake English.

He definitely likes that more than he should OTP: The Condesce x Dirk Strider.

Daddy issues OTP: Orphaner Dualscar x Vriska Serket or The Dolorosa x any Ampora. (But Saint, you cry, this is about daddy issues. I know. The Dolorosa is the only daddy dom I respect.)

There’s more along these lines. But, all jokes aside: my fucked up Homestuck OTP is Beta Bro Strider x Rose Lalonde. It’s pretty versatile. (Ignore the massive taglist.)

EDIT: I ran out of tags. Removed the character-specific ones.

[whyse7vn]

BTS BOYFRIEND TEXTS -

[ ot7 x reader ]

lmao what is this it’s 3 am and i’m tired enjoy ^ ^

SEOKJIN -

jin: you ate without me…

y/n: did do that

jin: you said you’d wait

y/n: lied

jin: you’re not even gonna try and lie and say you tried you wait or something?

y/n: no

jin: we’re over

y/n: damn that sucks

jin: you don’t even care 😓

y/n: i do

seokjin please please please take me back i love you so much please please !!

jin: i guess i’ll give you another chance 🙄

y/n: thanks so much jinjin love you 😍😍🥰🥰🥰‼️‼️‼️‼️💕💕💓💓💓

jin: ew stop

y/n: stop what bae 😓💓

jin: that

y/n: you’re so hard to please

jin: i deserve better than you

y/n: choke

jin: i’m plotting your murder

y/n: it’s giving jin !alpha !hybrid !mafia boss !hard dom (disturbing content) minors dni

jin: i wolf you

y/n: would turn you into a rug

NAMJOON -

namjoon: got a loaf of bread

y/n: smooth like butter

namjoon: also got broke that green bowl so i bought a new one

y/n: haters gonna hate and players gonna play

namjoon: the bowl is blue tho

hope that’s ok

y/n: pretty woman

namjoon: did you eat lunch ?

y/n: everybody say no

namjoon: you should go do that then

y/n: run run run

namjoon: i think there is soup in the fridge

go check

y/n: did you see my bag ?

namjoon: is it there ?

y/n: you’re so big for no reason

namjoon: what ?

y/n: i’m looking at that photo on the fridge

namjoon: the disney one ?

y/n: yeah and you’re standing behind me you a big bitch

namjoon: thanks ?

y/n: ur built like a brick

ur so hot

lord

come home pls

namjoon: i’m on my way love

y/n: DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN THAT INTERVIEWER TOLD YOO TO PLAY UR OWN RACE LMAOOOOO

namjoon: i do

y/n: he really got you like that

foul

i would of laughed if i was there

namjoon: i know

y/n: loud asf too

namjoon: i know babe

y/n: pls he really ate you up

lord i’m laughing now

namjoon: i figured

y/n: still love you tho 🤞🏽❤️

namjoon: love you too

was the soup in the fridge ?

y/n: no

namjoon: k i’ll order something when i get back ok ?

y/n: light it up like dynamite

YOONGI -

y/n: what if i had 1 hour to live and was going bald and my leg was broken and all my family was dying from cancer right now

yoongi: it’s 8am

y/n: what if

yoongi: it’s 8am

y/n: yoongi 🥺

yoongi: it is 8 am.

y/n: ok and i am gonna kms.

what now yoongi ? what now ??

yoongi: bye

y/n: what the frick bro

fuck you

you’re an opp fr

can’t trust anyone

not a soul not even your own bf

this is so sad

all they ever do is leave you in the dirt

this is what fame does to people

man this is so sad

all this money gets to them fr fr

i can’t believe it

you switched like a pussy lil bitch 💔🗣🙏🏽

agust d too famous for me 😓😓

omg am i the next rap monster but actually black ????

you should get them braids again bae 😍

could be twins

nvm i don’t like you forgot

suga flopped 🥱‼️

bts disband

skz outsold bts 🗣🗣🗣🗣

felix should replace suga 💯

agust d a flop 🙄

cyphers ain’t even that good

suga old asf

yoongi: i am trying

y/n: omg hey bae 😍😍❤️🥵🥰

yoongi: to sleep

y/n: without me 😩⁉️

yoongi: yes

y/n: omw to america rn btw like fr fr no joke /thisisnotajokeimbeingfr

yoongi: i know

y/n: i can tell you’re so excited ur so cute love you 💞

yoongi: yeah.

going to sleep now.

y/n: rest up bro ‼️‼️‼️

see you soon g 🥱🤞🏽

HOSEOK -

y/n: i had a dream you violently slammed me into a pile of bricks

you had me by the throat

hobi: my fault

y/n: my back is broken now

hobi: sorry

y/n: it’s ok i forgive you

hobi: thank you

y/n: just don’t do it again

hobi: i promise i won’t

y/n: don’t let me down

hobi: ok

y/n: we are in love

hobi: true

y/n: cool

hobi: went into a cake shop today

y/n: what did it smell like

hobi: roses

y/n: interesting

hobi: got a small cake with a strawberry on top

y/n: photo ?

hobi: i dropped it

y/n: oh

hobi: i took a picture of it on the floor tho do you want to see ?

y/n: please

TAEHYUNG -

tae: hiiii

y/n: saw a trumpet on the tv made me think about how shit you sound playing it

tae: fuck you i’ll be great one day

y/n: i take it back ur hot

tae: fanks

y/n: we can get matching trumpets

can we put like sequins on them or will that fuck up the sound or something?

tae: idk

y/n: you should

tae: can we drink tn?

y/n: we can make a lil marching band 🥺🥺🥺

tae: also can we not invite jin this time want it to just be us

y/n: we should learn how to play dynamite

tae: and we are gonna eat yesterday’s leftovers

y/n: but if i see your fucking feet out one time today marching band dreams will come to an end ok ?

tae: but idk if i’m really feeling leftovers yk???

y/n: make sure them dogs are LOCKED away

tae: yeah idk i’ll wait until it’s time to eat then i’ll decide

y/n: what ?

tae: huh?

why are you talking about my feet

y/n: they’re scary 😟

tae: i feel like we’re on the completely different pages rn

JUNGKOOK -

jk: what if i was spiderman ?

y/n: that would be hot

jk: yeah

y/n: why aren’t you spiderman?

jk: racism.

y/n: valid

jk: do you still think i’m hot even tho i’m not spiderman?

y/n: i guess

jk: thanks

y/n: yw

jk: sorry i’m not at my full potential

y/n: i forgive you

jk: ok

y/n: ok

jk: bought a rock today

y/n: a shiny one ?

jk: no

y/n: like just a normal one ?

jk: yeah

y/n: nice.

jk: ikr

y/n: how much was it?

jk: 4k

y/n: what

jk: 4,000

y/n: jungkook

jk: yeah

y/n: what the fuck

jk: the rock seller was very convincing

y/n: can you return it ?

jk: no

y/n: what does the rock do

jk: sit ?

y/n: oh

jk: i’m gonna draw a face on it

y/n: i think i’m gonna take your card for a bit

jk: oh

y/n: yeah

jk: did i do something wrong ?

JIMIN -

jimin: watched 10 fancams of myself today

y/n: watched 10 of v

jimin: go fuck him then ???

y/n: might do that

jimin: no don’t it was a joke /j /j /j /j

y/n: don’t joke like that got my hopes up for nothing 😔💔

jimin: you would never

y/n: try me

jimin: you make me sick

y/n: 🤞🏽🤞🏽

jimin: you make me hard

y/n: i would hope so

jimin: yeah

y/n: yeah

jimin: i’m in our room

y/n: ok

jimin: just thinking

y/n: nice to know your brain still does that

jimin: you ruined it

y/n: my bad bro 🙏🏽

jimin: bro ???

y/n: bestie ?

jimin: ur so annoying

y/n: i’ll try better myself for you jimin 😔

jimin: you cant

you’re too lost

y/n: find me jimin 🥺🥺

pls find me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

jimin: i’ll try

y/n: that’s so hot 🤤🥵❤️‼️💯

[davekat-sucks]

Alpha Dave x Alpha Rose is better than Davekat

Alpha Dave x Alpha Rose aka Alphacest is better than Davekat.

[vikkirosko]

Masterlist Guardians

👓 Alpha John🎙

Our granddaughter will be born soon

🍸Mom Lalonde🧣

Oh dear

Little Rose

Christmas dinner

🔮 Alpha Rose 📖

Alpha Rose x Reader headcanons

Before the fight

🧢 Bro Strider 🗡

Bro Strider x Reader headcanons Co-parenting

Bro Strider x Reader headcanons Spirit of competition

Bro Strider x Reader headcanons Taking care of the baby

Bro Strider x Reader headcanons Dave’s classmate

Conversation with Dave

Do you think Dave heard us?

Move

Bro Strider x chaotic! Reader headcanons Joke around with him

Chuck E. Cheese

Paranoia

Sis

Bro Strider x clingy!Reader headcanons Fluff

Bro Strider x Reader headcanons I love you

Bro Strider x Reader headcanons Hug him from behind

Bro Strider x Reader headcanons Admiration

Strife

Month of separation

Bro Strider ♠️ Reader headcanons

First meeting with Dave

Bro Strider x Reader headcanons Help one more time

🕶 Alpha Dave 🎥

Alpha Dave x Reader headcanons

Alpha Dave x old friend! Reader headcanons

Alpha Dave x Reader headcanons Actor

I saw you die

🔫 Grandpa Harley 🧭

Letter

Fairy tales for Jade

Grandpa Harley x Reader headcanons Wheelchair

🪴Alpha Jade 🔫

I’ll take care of him

Jungle walk

[sullys-nose-hair]

Toby woby x Rosey toesy part one🥺🤞 @nonotthebasement a little short and unfunny but who cares

Reaching their small, tan colored hands they gripped the rough time of the roof, some of them causing the material of the tiles to cut through some of the layers of their skin, blood pouring out of the wounds staining some of the roof with the crimson substance.

Lifting their small 2 ft legs their booty cheeks slapped together, the skin on skin sound erupting throughout the quiet neighborhood causing the short haired person to cringe a bit and pause in their actions, listening if anyone came out of their houses or if any rapid animals came nipping at their small 1cm toes which would cause the to squeal like a pig and most likely wake the whole neighborhood, if their booty cheeks pounding against one another didn't already wake them up.

They already know that they is gonna be a milf when they grow up, they ain't gonna let their fat, juicy ass go to waste brushing to see PERFECT AND CUTE thoughts away bc their the most amazingest most toe curling mouth watering person to ever exist, who cares if they be fatherless and motherless at least they have a fat ass that makes gun shot sounds every time the move their SHORT AND PERFECT AND CUTE legs.

Lifting themselves up with muscle they have they twerked their way to their child hold friends ugly ass beas-i mean Tobias's room window and knocked on the window with their CUTE AND ABSOLUTELY PERFECT tan hands, the movement going to their ass and making it do that skin against skin sound that they be hearing all day long. It gets tiring being a thick ass bitch sometimes, especially when they only be 4'7🥺🤞

Opening the window Tobitch cutely pulled his CUTE AND PERFECT 4'7 friend making them fall cutely on his bed, making that familiar gun shot sounds coming out of their ass, Tobitch watching it jiggle like the beast he is.

Bringing his ugly, boney hand up he smacked their fat ass and bit is crusty lip when he saw how it jiggled, a small pile of crusty forming on his boney lap.

"OW YOU ASSHOLE WHY'D YOU DO THAT!? THIS WHY YOUR MAMA A BURNT CHICKEN NUGGET '' the 4'7 person with the fat ass yelled angrily with their breedable and submissive voice.

" S-s-sssss-sssssss-sorry my bebeh growl can't control myself when hat fat ass is basically in m-my face." Tobitch said darkly in his alpha voice.

"Bro really turned into a snake for a moment there." Rose said moving their SMALL CUTE AND PERFECT 4'7 body so that they were sitting up and looking at Tobitch with their usual submissive and breedable expression.

"Whateva" Tobitch rolled his eyes flipping his wrist and tucking some of his non existent hair over his ear, trying to look cool but miserably failing bc he's a stupid idiot.

Jumping off his bed they cutely listened to their ass cheeks slap together, hearing the familiar gun shot sound while they could feel Tobiches stare on their ass, probably watching it jiggle again. Such a weirdo🙄

Turning around their big tits flopped together as they stared at him with big eyes, their 4'7 frame looking smaller as they wrapped their 1inch hands around their arms. Hitting their lip sexually.

"Why the fuck is it so cold in here? Did the cold empty space that your brain should be in finally spreading to your house?" They aid in their sot high uwu voice that discord mods love so much🥺

Sometimes they forgot that they were even doing the voice, spending so much time getting money from discord mods. They did other things for the mods but we'll get into that another time.

"Ugh, how rude is that? Anyway, my dick was just hot so I had to cook it down" rolling his eyes like the 'bad' bitch he is, his sassy tone made Roe want to bitch slap his face. But there's no point in doing that, it's not like the crusty, musty bitch could feel pain anyway.

"Mhm, ok crusty toes" cutely making their leaves outta his bedroom door that was just so tall compared to their 4'7 frame, they paid no mind to the sound of their ass making the gunshot noise.

Ain't no way they are showing up to this crusty, musty, dusty, sweaty, Walmart shoes, fatherless, sister less and ugly masks house without getting some food in their stomach that's inside of their smol 4'7 body.

The fatherless fucker better be having some toe curling chips or sum.

[katie5000]

Episodes 3 & 4 - Challenge of the Masked Racer

The recap for this episode shows Speed falling out of his car and passing out on the pavement. Racer X takes Speed back to his house and puts him to bed, and then monologues for a couple of minutes about his motives. He also re-tells his backstory, and then the viewer gets to see what he actually looks like (he kind of looks like an anime-ified version of Captain Kirk, IMO).

Elsewhere, Trixie is driving around in her yellow Mercedes with Spritle and speculating on Speed’s whereabouts. It turns out that Spritle has completely rat-finked on Speed to Trixie because she’s been buying him tons of ice cream, so now she knows all about the letter and the meeting and has decided to ask the Masked Racer where Speed is (since he’s the last one who saw him).

Back at Racer X’s place, Racer X is totally engaging in fan service taking a shower. Speed has woken up in a strange bed, fully clothed (including his shoes...). He looks around at all the racing memorabilia and then notices a vase of white roses--his mother’s favorite flowers. Speed then becomes aware that the shower is running, and spies X’s mask on a nearby couch. He dons the mask, thinking he’s going to sneak up on Racer X and expose him, but is conveniently knocked out by thugs before that can happen.

Trixie pulls up just in time to see the thugs in their white car with what she thinks is Racer X. She asks them if they’ve seen Speed and they say no. After they drive away, she comments, “The Masked Racer pretends to be asleep! What kind of a man is he??” They really wrote her as a bimbo in this episode, didn’t they. Spritle and Chim-Chim are now missing, and Trixie realizes that they’re in the trunk of the thugs’ car. She decides to follow the car but is not fast enough to witness it turn off into the woods--she is only able to see it some time later as it re-emerges in a different color.

The now-red car pulls up to a large A-frame house. Inside, Mr. Wiley greets the Masked Racer and his thugs remove the mask, only to find out that it’s Speed under there. Spritle & Chim-Chim, who had been eavesdropping outside, attempt to run off and find Trixie but get caught before they can do so. Meanwhile, Speed puts two and two together and figures out that Wiley’s been causing the accidents that have been dogging Racer X. Just then, Spritle is brought in and proceeds to out his captor as the recruiter for the Alpha Racing Team. Anyway, Speed now knows too much and has to die.

Chim-Chim manages to escape, though, and meets back up with Trixie as she desperately tries to ask a gas station attendant if he’s seen the thugs’ white-but-red car. Naturally, he’s confused as hell. Then she has to decipher Chim-Chim’s pantomiming. She concludes that Speed’s in trouble and leaves the gas station to go find him. Racer X follows, wearing a paper bag with eye-holes cut out of it (haha, not really).

At Wiley’s house, Speed and his brother are tied up in the basement under the watchful eye (and gun) of one of the thugs. Just then, they all hear what they think is a police siren off in the distance, which distracts the thug long enough for Speed to shoulder-check him. He and Spritle then proceed to run through what seems like an infinite basement in an attempt to escape while the thug shoots at them. Unfortunately, the thug hits one of many barrels of oil being stored in this basement, which explodes. This starts a fire that causes the other barrels to explode. Then the whole house explodes, because explosions are cool.

By this time, Trixie’s arrived and is completely freaking out. Racer X shows up and runs into the inferno to save Speed and Spritle. By all logic, Speed should be burnt to a crisp, but since he’s the titular character they can’t kill him. Anyway, Racer X says he’ll deal with the Alpha Team and that Speed should stay out of the upcoming race. But guess what’s not gonna happen.

The next day, Speed’s parents are watching the race start on TV. Speed is introduced as “Happy Doodle” because he evidently couldn’t think of a more creative alias. Nobody’s fooled, though. Pops can’t decide whether he should be angry or happy. Anyway, Racer X shows up at the last minute and the shenanigans start. First, the Alpha Team tries to fill X’s radiator with gasoline, and when that doesn’t work, they use a mirror to shine light into Racer X’s eyes. Racer X looses a wheel at one point but is so bad-ass he keeps right on driving on the other three.

So then the Alphas start to mess with Speed. They attempt to wreck him, but Racer X intervenes. This causes X to crash instead. Speed goes back to help him but gets a lecture about professionalism. Anyway, Speed gets back into the race and manages to win. Everybody’s super happy, including Pops. Pops is so proud, in fact, that he lets Speed go pro. It’s a bittersweet moment for Racer X, who’s watching from afar, since he gets to see his li’l bro live his dream. Speed realizes Racer X let him win and goes after him to ask him why, but by then he’s already gone.

[gear-project]

Guilty Gear and... Capcom’s History Gaps

Lately I’ve come across people who seem to think that just because they’ve played on the competitive end of Guilty Gear for a while, that they know all there is to know about its history.

They also seem to think that things like the Dustloop combo are all that kept the game alive in an era when Fighting games (and FG content) weren’t coming out as frequently as they are today.

The “dark history” that people frequently refer to is mostly the dry period between Capcom’s Street Fighter games, particularly after Third Strike leading in to Street Fighter IV.

Which, if you can believe it, happened around the very “start” of the BlazBlue franchise.

Now, I’m not one to criticize too harshly if I can help it, but, the issue I have with this perspective some fighting game historians have is that it is heavily “Capcom-centric”.

Let’s rewind the clock a bit, to the year 1998.

Guilty Gear... was just one of MANY fighting games to come out in that very busy year.  Street Fighter Alpha 3 arrived just at the tail end of that same year as well.

But, there were a ton of other fighting games just coming out there around that time: Tekken 3, Real Bout Fatal Fury 2, Tobal No.1, Super Smash Bros, Ehrgeiz, Soul Calibur, SNK Gals’ Fighters, Dead or Alive 2, Mortal Kombat 4, Battle Arena Toshinden, Tekken Tag Tournament, Mortal Kombat Trilogy, Fighters Megamix, Dragonball Z Hyperdimension, KOF ‘98, Virtua Fighter 3, Sonic the Fighters, Fighting Vipers and I haven’t even mentioned Capcom versus SNK or Marvel Super Heroes or the X-Men Versus games.

From around 1996-2001 we had all these great games that WEREN’T made by Capcom.  And by the time 2002 rolled around Guilty Gear XX had just “invented” said Dust Loop.

But was Guilty Gear the only fighting game in existence in 2002?

Gundam Battle Assault 2, Virtua Fighter 4, Bloody Roar 3, Smash Bros Melee, Twisted Metal Black (if you like fighting games with cars in them), Tekken 4, Legaia 2: Duel Saga (if you like fighting in your RPGs), Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance, Dragonball Z Budokai, Soul Calibur II, Cyber Troopers Virtua-On MARZ, Zone of the Enders 2nd Runner (if you enjoy hidden versus mech battles).

 2004 you had Sonic Battle, TMNT2: Battle Nexus, Dead or Alive Ultimate, Godzilla: Save the Earth, Dragonball Z Budokai 3.

2005 had Darkstalkers Chronicles: The Chaos Tower, InuYasha Feudal Combat,Soul Calibur III,  Dead or Alive 4, Tekken 5.  ‘06 had Samurai Shodown V, Final Fight: Streetwise, Rumble Roses XX, Fight Night Round 3 (for a change of pace), 2007 had Odinsphere (if you like action beatemup games with a flair for combos), Bleach: Heat the Soul, Virtua Fighter 5, 2007 had Soul Calibur IV, Smash Bros Brawl, Battle Fantasia, and YES, Guilty Gear 2 Overture came out in 2008, infamous as it was.

Even if games like Castlevania Judgement aren’t your cup of tea, they came out in 2008, but so did Dissidia: Final Fantasy, in case you hadn’t noticed.

So yes, by the time 2009 rolled around and everybody in mainstream leapt on board with Street Fighter IV (breathing a collective false sigh of relief that fighting games had been “reborn” according to their false notions), meanwhile, they neglected games like Guilty Gear XX Accent Core Plus on the PSP, Punch-Out!! on the Wii, Garou: Mark of the Wolves on XBox Live Arcade... oh and did I mention BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger that came out that exact same year?  KOFXII, Soul Calibur Broken Destiny, TMNT: Smash-Up on the Wii, Samurai Shodown Sen, NeoGeo Battle Coliseum,  later Arcana Heart 3, Dissidia Duodecim 012 as well... with Ultimate Marvel VS Capcom 3 just on the horizon.

Look... the point I’m trying to make here is that maybe those Blue and Yellow Capcom Lenses you wear aren’t showing you what’s really out there.  What good games exist out there don’t always begin with the words “Street” and “Fighter” in their titles, or “Marvel” in them either for that matter.

While it’s true there was a gap between GG2 Overture and GGXrd, that “gap” had a ton of games in it: beatemups, action games, action-RPGs, and other cross-genre novelty games that you might have missed if all you were worried about was the “death of your game scene”.

But a single combo like Dustloop, or whatever mechanics you think Street Fighter was the progenitor of, do not define the era.

The so-called “dark history” of fighting games, was only dark if you looked at it through Capcom’s lenses.  Even PC fan-made doujin fighting games were making strides back then, in case you weren’t paying attention.  Melty Blood in 2002, Big Bang Beat in 2007, The Rumble Fish in 2005.  I could list a whole lot more here, but I’ll let you do the digging.  Heck, M.U.G.E.N. came out in 1999 and is still active to this VERY DAY.

As much as I tout and support ARC System Works games, and Guilty Gear in particular... that has allowed me to see more clearly what “REAL” good games have existed out there.

GG has always been a niche fighting game, but it’s not the only niche game in existence... but playing such a series has truly been an eye-opener about what games I’ve missed out on over the years.

I’m sure there’s plenty more I haven’t mentioned... but fundamentally, as much as people like to say Street Fighter was the progenitor of modern fighting games, and as much as they love to compare it to other games... I will perpetually state that Street Fighter isn’t everything... it does not DEFINE everything.

I mean, whatever happened to games like Double Dragon and Yie Ar Kung Fu?  Do people mentally forget those games existed on purpose?  In fact, the beat-em-up genre is closely tied to fighting games... one only need look.  Action games, Action RPGs, Action Strategy games... all of these are connected in that huge family tree of games.  Even Tetris is a versus battle game nowadays.

So, if you’ve learned anything from this long rant... it’s to look at all the games you’ve missed out on.  Don’t just play the games you like just because you like them.  Check out other stuff too!

[ellie-is-anxious]

Goth Family Makeovers

Bella ^

Cassandra ^

Alexander ^

Mortimer ^ Hi! First time posting (: Pardon my formatting, I’m not at all used to this xD. So, We all know the Goth family. Well, I went ahead and gave them all a bit of an upgrade. They use a combination of alpha and MM CC.

Keep in mind that the game may say some things are missing if you don’t use the mods I do. (Wicked Whims, Slice of Life, etc)

Requirements: Sims 4 Base Game, Seasons, Get Famous, and Vampires.

If you don’t have one of the packs listed, you’ll probably need to replace something (:

Tray Files: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/yylcvnmsnf2h5mh/AAAbqkRF0cLzHbnRVn9gMs5va?dl=0

CC Links:

Bella CC List

Haley (Hair) by Cazy

Federica (Hair) by Anto

Arles Heels by Madlen

Bongani Shoes by Madlen

Devyn Lipstick by PralineSims

Josie High Converse by MAGIC BOT

(Must join their VK to download, otherwise it’s only available on Patreon)

Hairline #03 by RemusSirion

Santa Monica Lipstick by JolieBean

Helena (N99) Eyeliner by PralineSims

Tender Skin Overlay by PralineSims

Restless Soul Tattoo Set by Nords

Kaliah Blouse by Toksik

Chococo Halter Top by Trillyke

Eltia (N51) Eyeshadow by PralineSims

Elena (N60) Eyebrows by PralineSims

Peach (Hair) by S-Club

Unbalanced Sweatshirt by Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla

Perfect Shade Heels by Plumbob Tea Society

Ava (N100) Eyeliner by PralineSims

Cami Top by Elliesimple

Hellawes (N50) Eyeshadow by PralineSims

Spectrum Lipstick by RemusSirion

Latata Shorts by Trillyke

Back Tattoos by Trillyke

Mouth Corners (N04) by PralineSims

Mona Pantyhose by MsBlue

Serenity Jeans by PZC

Skin Detail 3D Eyelashes V2 by Kijiko

New Folder Dress by NitroPanic

Sporty Fishnet Tights by PZC

Oasis (N155) Eyes by PralineSims (NonDefault Version!!)

Sweater Tucked In by NitroPanic (No X!)

High Waisted Skirt by PZC

Tiara Dress by NitroPanic

Simple Eve Panties by PralineSims

Potion Pants by Trillyke

Morgan Blush by PralineSims

Da Bomb Hair by Nightcrawler

Impulse Hair by Nightcrawler

Latata (Strapless) Bra by Trillyke

Ripped Jeans N93 by PZC

Light Dress by LazyEyelids

Hip Dip Slider by VibrantPixels

No EA Eyelashes by Cien

Realistic Feet V5 by Necrodog

Her skintone is now unavailable, so match it to the best of your ability (:

Cassandra CC Links:

Turtleneck Short Dress by Elliesimple Katheryn Hair by Simstrouble Helena Eyeliner by PralineSims (Already on Bella’s list, download there) Glasses No.2 by Lillili Vinifera Lipstick by RemusSirion Tucked in Sweater by NitroPanic (On Bella’s list, Download there) Leather Jacket by ShakeProductions Soft Tank Top by PZC Sporty Shorts by Puresims (Might be incorrect, let me know!) Karley Hair by AHarris00Britney Hairline #03 by RemusSirion (On Bella’s list, Download there) Industrial Summer Athletic Pants by PZC Morgan Blush by PralineSims (On Bella’s list, Download there) Allure Eyebrows by PralineSims Night Owl Eyeshadow by Sagittariah Lavender Rose DIY Lipstick by PralineSims Gravity Lipstick by RemusSirion Chiquita Boho Romper by Trillyke Jeans 097 by PZC Santa Monica Lipstick by JolieBean (On Bella’s list, Download there) Comfy Shearling Boots by Nords Josie High Converse by MAGIC-BOT (On Bella’s list, See there) Never Falter Halter Set by Leeleesims1 Sopor’s Allure Breasts (Optional, only for use with Wicked Whims) Ruby Hair by CandySims4 Adaption Lipstick by RemusSirion Sports Swimwear by Birba32 Bad Dream Nose Ring Set by Praline Sims Score Tattoo Choker by PralineSims Leah Hair by okuree Carmen Hair by Greenllamas (Part of the Sogue collab) Raven Boots by Lumysims Gillian Eyeliner by PralineSims  WOLO Fishnet Tights by Trillyke Jeans 78 by ShakeProductions Skin Detail Eyelashes V2 by Kijiko Karley Hair (Ombre Accessory, Tropical Punch Palette)  V-Neck T-shirt by Lazyeyelids Tender Skin Overlay by PralineSims (On Bella’s list, download there) Freckles #2 by RemusSirion Horizontal Breast Slider by VibrantPixels (Pick One!) Oasis Eyes (Default) by PralineSims (ONLY GET IF YOU DON’T HAVE DEFAULT EYES!) Better Body Skintones (Body replacements for WW, only keep Skintones if you don’t use Wicked Whims)

Mortimer CC Links:

Skin Detail Eyelashes V2 by Kijiko (On Bella and Cassandra’s list) Josie High Converse by MAGIC-BOT (On Bella and Cassandra’s list) Tucked In T-shirt by Lazyeyelids Raglan T-shirt by Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla Alice Eyebrows by PralineSims Haunting Hair by Stealthic Winter Time Jacket by Birba32 Dylan t-shirt by PZC Tony Pants by Birba32 Josie High Converse by MAGIC-BOT Jeans 181 by Birba32 Sven Sweater by PZC Vibrations Suit by Birba32 Mens Slim Fit Dress Pants from Rustic Romance Mens Blazer with Tie from Rustic Romance White Denim Shorts by PZC Skintone Set V3 by MsBlue

Alexander’s CC List

Puma Underwear for Him by PZC Raphaela Eyebrows by PralineSims Nosemask #2 V2 by RemusSirion Tank Top by BEAR Blue Denim for Him by PZC Suspenders Suit Shirt v1 by BEAR Take a Bow(tie) Shirt by Leeleesims1 Mouth Corners N03 by PralineSims V-Neck Sweater by Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla TH’s Hoodie for Men by remaron:https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-clothing-male-teenadultelder-everyday/title/ths-hoodie-for-men/id/1479914/ (Link wouldn’t connect) Ripped Jeans 292 by sims2fanbg (https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-clothing-male-teenadultelder-everyday/title/292--ripped-jeans/id/1364056/) Straight Pants by Lazyeyelids (https://lazyeyelids.blogspot.com/2019/05/straight-pants.html) Oasis Eyes n155  V2(https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims4-sets-eyecolors/title/oasis-eyes-n155-v2/id/1451099/) Jonas Hair by okuree: https://okruee.tumblr.com/post/183820221841/jonas-hair-shouts-out-to-the-jo-bros-this-ones Cody Shorts by AxA (https://www.patreon.com/posts/axa-spring-02-22-33666669) Thigh Slider by VibrantPixels (https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1LRMjS4xmXCXCQ-KL5xzAJgsFq3YNoF88)Enjoy!

[golgoterror]

Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake. 

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet. 

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again. 

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself. 

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat. 

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat. 

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again. 

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to. 

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. 

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid. 

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really. 

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

[hardcoreprocess]

Dirk x Multiple [Pantyhose Tear] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Vriska [Hand Fetish] — OG POSTS 1 & 2 || AO3 MIRROR  

Dirk x Roxy [Waking Somno] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Roxy [Waking Somno 2] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk [Trans Masturbation] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Rose x Roxy [Goddess Worship] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Multiple [Haywire Hormones] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Beta Bro x Beta Mom [Heels] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Aurora x Multiple [Somno Impreg] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Caliborn [Viewport Voyeur] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Beta Bro x Beta Mom x Dad E [Swinging] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Rose x Terezi [Body Worship] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Rosebot [Robophilia] — OG POSTS 1 & 2 || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Karkat [First Time] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Hal [Oversensitive] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Roxy [Trans Makeup] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Davesprite [Trans Sprite] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Jake [Haircut] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Karkat x Roxy [Hacking Handjob] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Rose x Roxy (x Dirk) [Godly Pining] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Jane [Just The Tip] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Alpha Bro x Alpha Mom [Distraction] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Rose x Kanaya [Underskirt Oral] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Rose [Thumb Sucking] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Condie x Karkat [Nookwarming] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Beta Bro x Vriska (x Dave) [Oral Lesson] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Snow White [Multi] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Kanaya [Vampirism Stand-in] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Rose [First Time] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Grandpa Harley x Beta Bro / Beta Mom [Fringe Benefits] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Roxy [Trans Oral] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Roxy [Monsterfucking] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Rose x Roxy [Surrogate Breeding] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Jane [Finger Sucking] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

PM x Jack Noir [Revenge Sex] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Rose x Multi [Lipstick Marking] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Roxy x John [Phone Sex] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR 

Dirk x Dave [Hand Fetish] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Jake x Roxy [Kissing] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Rose x Roxy [Lipstick Marking] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Hal x Roxy [Audiophile] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Roxy (x Rose) [Just Watching] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Beta Bro x Kanaya (x Rose) [Dollification] — OG POST 1 & 2 || AO3 MIRROR

Lil Seb x Jane [Sex Toy] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Jake x Aranea (x Brain Ghost Dirk) [Manipulation] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x John [Body Writing] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Corvo x Jessamine [Distraction] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Dave [Trans Bondage] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Beta Bro x Dave [First Time Topping] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Beta Bro x Rose [Voice Kink] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Song x Rider [Wanting] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Rose x Kanaya [Chest Worship] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Aradia x Tavros [Assisted Fingering] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Rose x Kanaya [New Relationship] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR 

Dirk x Eridan [Feminization] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x June [Communication] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Beta Bro x Beta Mom X Dad E [Sexting] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Song x Rider [First Time] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR 

Dave x Jane [Aphrodisiac] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Rose x Kanaya [Baby Fever] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR 

Dave x Rose [Indirect Voyeurism] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Multiple [Pantyhose Tear 2] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR  

Beta Mom x Rose [Mommy's Girl] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Karkat x Strilondes [Mass Flirtation] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Sollux x Aradia [Teasing] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x John / Dave x Jade [Haywire Hormones 2] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

John x Tavros [Playfighting] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Beta Mom x Dave x Rose [Nursing] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Rose x Kanaya [Trans Oral] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Rapunzel x Eugene [Flirting] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Dave [Time Loop] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Eridan x Kanaya [Collar] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Life Player Fertility — OG POST || TO BE EXPANDED ON?

June x Jade [Frotting] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dave x Rosy (x Dirk) [Anonymous] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Dirk x Jane [Piercings] — OG POST || AO3 MIRROR

Jake x Rose [Topless] — OG POST || TO BE POSTED

Rose x Roxy [Kissing] — OG POST || TO BE POSTED

Dirk x Roxy [Post Trickster] — OG POST || TO BE POSTED

Alpha Bro x Roxy [First Date] — OG POST || TO BE POSTED

John x Multiple [Retcon Hands] — OG POST || TO BE POSTED

June x Jade [Birthday Blowjob] — OG POST || TO BE POSTED

Radiance x Hollow [Imprisoned] — OG POST || TO BE POSTED

Dirk x Jake x Jane [Sharing] — OG POST || TO BE POSTED

Feferi x Condie [In Victory] — OG POST || TO BE POSTED

Last updated August 6th, mirrored posts onto AO3 & links. Page 20.

♥