#Aging Parents

[heterorealism]

[longreads]

The Curl of Time

Today at Longreads, Sarah Stankorb confronts a lifetime of literally outrunning her angry, alcoholic father as she attempts to find care for him and her mother, both of whom are struggling with dementia. 

Each evening until I moved off for college, my father drunkenly slurred and screamed, chasing me around the house until I caged myself in my room and he pounded outside. I’d stayed there safe, until his attention refocused on my mother, then I’d run out and draw his anger toward me again. I was faster, could outrun him.

Read the full essay. 

[1zashreena1]

Real life shit underneath

I am afraid.

I am fearful of so many things right now.

My parents' health is failing at a slowly but ever more increasing rate and I am literally a thousand miles away. I had a not so great relationship with my mother growing up, but ever since she went thru menopause we've been on the mend. But because I'm the youngest child and they were older than was typical when they had me, I have less time with them to begin with. I fear that something drastic will happen with the limited time of good standing I have with my parents and I won't physically see them again before they die.

In order to move closer to them I am trying to get my partner a job at my employer, where there are still fully remote positions. Partner's current job requires in office and is only located here in Florida, Texas, and Georgia. Obviously I'm not moving from 1 dumpster fire to another, so partner jumping ship from his job is really the only option. However, I have heard nothing from my HR dept and there's not much else I can do about it.

I worry myself into being so nauseous that I can't even eat over the imminent political future here in the US. I have fought my entire life to be a person with human rights under the law (and I do mean my whole life, I've been politically active since like age 12, and no my parents did not usher me into this as they do not share many of my beliefs) and I'm tired. I'm just so tired. After being in healthcare thru covid, I'm just. Exhausted. I fear that I will lose access to hormonal birth control that I need for my incredibly severe pmdd, and then lose the right to work, to own property and assets, to lose ownership of myself entirely. That level of all-encompassing fear will eat you alive from the inside out.

My other furbaby is sick with something respiratory and, just like with Allover, I can't turn off the mental terror. Kimi is not in acute distress, but I'm scared to go to sleep because what if something happens and I don't wake up. If I can't help her and she dies. I don't think I could live with myself.

I'm starting to feel like all I am is just an ever shrinking ball of angst.

Pet tax pic as a thank you for reading this mess:

My babydoll Kimi

[depizan]

I can't remember how much, if at all, I've updated about my life recently on here. It's not exactly a cheerful topic, since my parents are somewhere between in failing health and actively dying and I'm it as far as their family goes. At least they inherited a decent amount of money from my grandparents or things would really be fucked.

I'm still trying to get everything under control as far as bills being paid and such, which is hampered by my dad's wallet having gone missing during his health crisis. And he'd need an ID to give me power of attorney. (Unless he gets to the point where he's medically unfit.)

I'm sure struggling with the logistics of everything is keeping it from really hitting me (except when it does), and I don't know what I'd do if I hadn't made good friends at work. It matters to have people to hug and who randomly bring you soup or invite you to hang out.

I also feel like going around telling people that if they're going to have kids, have more than one, because being the only kid really fucking sucks. Especially when you can't afford to take FMLA. And if you're not going to have kids (or even if you are), have friends. Have a social circle. Have people in your life. You may some day need them.

And yet, life also goes on. It's like leading two lives: in one, my parents are dying and I'm trying to manage everything to keep everything okay for them and in the other, nothing has changed. I'm not sure that's how it's supposed to work, though. I don't know whether to be concerned that there's something wrong with me, or concerned that I'll completely fall apart when they do die. (Or maybe it's supposed to be like this and fiction is a poor reflection of real life on this particular topic.)

And that's one of the reasons I haven't posted much. It feels weird to have half your posts be normal fandom shit and maybe some writing and half of them be about trying to figure out how to get your dying parents' utility bill paid or how you cried when you told the hospice chaplain and social worker that your parents want to be cremated and have their ashes scattered somewhere beautiful and how you'd checked and you can get a permit to do so in Rocky Mountain National Park.

On the other hand, my friends here in town encourage me to go out and have fun and leave ridiculous books on my desk and suggest silly shows to try, so maybe this is how it's supposed to be.

I don't know. My life is very weird at present, and some of it's pretty depressing.

[thatweirdthingoverthere]

FELLOW NEURODIVERGENT FRIENDS HELP

Does anybody know any good resources for neurodivergent caregivers? I am in a situation right now with social workers and hospitals and phone calls and housing issues and I am struggling. And it occurred to me others may be struggling too.

So if anybody has been in a similar situation and knows any websites or programs that can help me, who can barely care for myself, take care of someone else, let's share them here.

Much love and appreciation in advance ❤️

[nice-bright-colors]

This is the shit I’m dealing with.

So this is the shit I’m having to deal with now. My father turned 80 years old in April. Today he left me a voicemail while I was flying. It went something like this:

“Hey Jeff, it’s Dad. No big deal, but if you’re planning on coming out here (MI) in the future, for a visit, let me know a few weeks in advance. I’ve got some steaks I cut down from a large top sirloin, about 18 steaks. Anyway let me know and I can marinate some in Italian dressing for you guys. Just let me know. Ok. Just something to think about when you get the call.”

Now luckily Dad isn’t running for a political office, because it’s becoming clear he isn’t that sharp anymore.

The Wife™️ and I have eaten a plant based diet for the last 10 years. He knows this. About 4-1/2 years ago we lived with him for 4 months before moving out to Colorado. The Wife™️ did all the cooking.

So it looks like on our next visit, I’m going to have to bite the bullet, eat a steak, and drink the best part of a bottle of scotch. As it may very well be the last time to do so with him.

[monkeymeghan]

Getting older royally sucks. And not because I’m getting older, but because my parents are. It’s so hard to see them decline as the years go on. Not only that, they expect so much of me regarding their health and whatnot. I get it, I have the medical knowledge (I used to be a nurse), but it really takes a toll on me, and I don’t think they realize just how high that toll is. *sigh* :(

[sadowlswriting]

I can see how time has changed you; it's taken its thumbs and folded skin into the layers of itself. Added weight for you to carry in your joints, a stiffness, tension, and an ache that carries its way into your heart.

The type of ache that can't be fixed by medicines, or doctors. It's an ache from all the yearning, yearning to stay a little longer, see a little more, and a yearning to just, be.

But I look into your eyes, and they tell me you're, you. You're still young, and alive, lively, and desperate to do all the things you used to do. The ache grows stronger, as memories are triggered, and you tell me about how when you were young, you could go shopping for hours on end, but your legs grow tired and your arms hurt before you've even left the door.

You say, you're old now. You say, your body's not what it used to be. You say, you wish you were young again. You tell me, don't get old, as though I can stop time, and I wish I could, I'd stay in this moment a little longer; try to stain it in the creases of my mind.

I can see how time has changed you; it's taken the parts of you that were great, and it's made them even better. You don't want to rest, but you've done all you need to now. It's time you worry less, and let others do it for you. Let me take care of you, as you did, me.

-Owl.

[remembertheplunge]

"You've married into an intense family."

11/11/2001. 3:38pm Sunday The leaves have really turned “Fall” in the 50 hours we were in Paso (Paso Robles, California)

I lit a candle for Margie, Dennis and Ruth Ann. Tough, tough situations.

Jim's friend said to me “You’ve married into an intense family.”

Chat factor a bit more mellow this trip.

Dennis, Jim’s Dad, has declined dramatically since August. Margie said it happened over night.  Dennis doesn’t watch TV (he can’t see it due to cataracts.) He sleeps a lot.

Margie’s pills cause her to hallucinate. She thought a man came in her room the first night we were here.

3/29/2002 (Margin notes to above 11/11/2001 entry)

Jim talked to Dennis via phone yesterday. Dennis spoke of his brother’s Bob and Jim as being alive. They are both long dead. Dennis cried as the call ended. Jim cried as well.

Ruth Ann grows more ill. She cut a visit with us short 3/17/2002. Johnny asked us “can you see the difference ( re: her declining health) “What do I do?"

End of entry

Notes:

Jim was my gay partner in 2001. Jim's friend was out and gay.

Dennis and Margie were Jim’s parents. They lived in Paso Robles ., California. We were visiting from our home in Modesto, California . Ruth Ann was Jim’s cousin. Johnny was her husband.

Jim. Margie and Dennis have since died.

End of entry

Notes:

It’s interesting that in the 11/11/2001 entry, Jim's friend refers to Jim and I as being married. I his eyes, and, in ours, we were, marriage license or not. (Jim and I were never legally married).

Visiting the Wentzels, Jim’s family,  resulted in endless chatter and  laughter usually fueled by drinking. Jim and I called that the “chat factor”. For me, at times, it became a little hard to deal with. I would crave “Lew Time”.  Time to ponder and just to be. 

We basically never left Jim’s parent’s house during visits there.. So, in the many visits to Paso Robles, we never once visited Cal Poly San Luis Obispo where Jim went to school. We never saw the coast, or visited any coastal towns in San Luis Obispo like Moro Bay or San Luis Obispo. 

I have never seen those cities.

[whooshingnoise]

Okay, as an elder millenial who is and has been HEAVILY involved in her aging parents' care-

They need workshops for this kind of thing.

When I was graduating high school in the early 00s, I had to attend multiple workshops on financing college (didn't understand a lick of it; didn't matter, still had to do it).

But now that my mother is a senior citizen, new information about services for which she's eligible trickle in every other week. She's not equipped to do this herself. My father wasn't equipped, and now he's gone. So I'm doing it.

But if it improves the rest of her life, I should do it, and there should be more public knowledge about it.

[healthokglobal]

Caring for the Elderly in India: A Mental Load We Don’t Talk About

Being a caregiver in India isn’t easy. There’s emotional labor, cultural guilt, financial stress—and very little support.

This compassionate piece on eldercare in India explores home care options, government services, and emotional wellbeing—for both elders and caregivers.

If you're in this position or know someone who is, please share this. We need to normalize seeking help.

[originalsoulduck]

Y'all help me discover a talent so I can make $4k a month to keep my mom in her assisted living facility 🫠🫠

[infinityscript]

Day 3

Kolkata March 03/04, 2025

When Time Flips the Script

When time rewrites the script, love becomes the only language that remains unchanged.

“All the world’s a stage,” wrote William Shakespeare, “and all the men and women merely players.”

Shakespeare was right…

His poem on the seven stages of a man captures life’s inevitable cycle - from infancy to old age. No one prepares us for the moment when the roles reverse. When the man who once carried you on his shoulders now grips your hand for support. When the hands that once built your world begin to tremble.

Once, we were children cradled in our parents’ arms, their steady hands guiding our first steps. Now, as time turns its pages, we find ourselves watching those same hands tremble, veins visible like delicate lines on a fading map…

It’s been some years since Maa left - watching Papa grow quieter, older, lonelier. Noticing he pausing mid-sentence, searching for a word. In the way his footsteps, once brisk and confident, now hesitate at staircases. In the way his fingers, veined and unsteady, reach out for mine when we cross the street - just like I once did when I was a child.

There’s a strange ache in seeing your hero turn fragile. The man who once scolded you for staying out late now calls to ask if you have eaten. The one who never showed weakness now leans on you, not just for balance, but for companionship. The house feels different now - quieter, slower. His laughter, once full and hearty, now comes in short bursts, as if he’s afraid to let it linger too long.

Nostalgia creeps in at the oddest moments. The smell of his old aftershave. His familiar hum of an old song. It hits me then - everything I am, everything I have ever been, is because of him and Maa. Their sacrifices, their lessons, their love, woven into the fabric of who I have become as an individual…

A part of me still wants to be that little kid who believed parents were invincible. But time has other plans. So, I do what I can…

I show up, laugh at his old jokes, I listen to his stories, even the ones I’ve heard a hundred times. I hold his hand a little longer when we walk. Because one day, I know I’ll look back and wish for just one more moment like this…

And somehow, even in his old age, he still gives me strength - through his quiet resilience, his steady presence, the way he still looks out for me in the smallest ways. Maybe that’s what being a parent really is. Even when the roles reverse, they never stop being our anchor ⚓️ ❤️🙏🏻

[medifact]

In the autumn of life, the concept of home holds a profound significance. A haven of memories, safety, and love, it’s no surprise that many seniors wish to stay in their homes for as long as possible. The concept of “aging in place” resonates deeply with this sentiment. Enabled by home care support, it has transformed the way seniors experience their golden years. This article delves into the manifold benefits of choosing to age in place with the pillar of home care.

[shironezuninja]

Not thrilled with the busy week I have for myself after the weekend. And that’s just my anxiety talking.