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internetegoist · 2 months

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Of Shidou Ryusei ; And how his character connects towards sexual trauma

(Content warning: Major mentions of SA/CSA and abuse, minor mentions for NSFW behaviour. Most of them aren't in graphic detail, but please please be wary of it 🙏 There's also spoilers for CSM and A Clockwork Orange)

Shidou's character is one of those that sticks with you throughout the entire series. It feels like we know everything about him, yet there's something so mysterious about his behaviour that makes you wonder, what's with this guy? We know how he acts, his violence and vulgarity injected in his brain and blood, but yet we don't know why he acts the way he is. It is very heavily implied that he went through a sort of restriction, born in a bird cage which he freed himself from through going to Blue Lock, but what is that restriction? What was the bird cage which trapped him? What was it that was holding him back from searching for freedom and exploring the world?

Since then, there's been a large speculation of theories on what his backstory could be. But one of them I want to talk about is about how his backstory is connected to SA, and how he could have experienced it at a young age. At first, I was extremelyyy hesitant to follow it due to how it made me a bit uncomfortable to discuss about, and how I saw a majority of people supporting the theory use it for shock value rather than a chance to devolve into darker topics. Of course, not the case for everyone who supports the theory, just from my own personal experience in the fandom.

But now, I can see the extremely, deeply discomforting vision on how this could be true in a way. From both his favourite manga and movie involving SA as an integral part in the story, to the concerning side of him being slightly revealed in the Egoist Bible. (Eg. crying at the end of the day, when he's feeling nothing or when he's empty, as well as his dislike of gifts)

Due to my heavy interests, I wanted to explore this theory into a more deeper matter. I decided to analyze more of his behaviour, as well as doing some of my own research. I must say, Shidou's behavioral manner can be one that is similar to those of SA survivors, especially male survivors.

Okay okay, enough yapping around. Let me get straight to the point.

Shidou and his instinct's responses

Generally after experiencing sexual abuse, one's entire personality will change. Every behaviour change is different for every sexual abuse survivor. Sometimes they'll isolate themselves more often, sometimes they turn into a much aggressive and violent person. Because the world has failed them, the world is putting them in a place where they are no longer safe and are more vulnerable. Because when your entire sense of self and personal power is taken away by your abuser, you are left with nothing but fear and new survival instincts. Why I bring this up is because Shidou's entire personality is built on instincts. His instant response to even the slightest hint of dislike or threat is to immediately beat them up, no matter who they are. A noteworthy thing to mention is that one of the main responses from males following sexual trauma is anger, because it is more socially acceptable for men to react that way. Attacking someone is the best way of defense, and Shidou follows this way of defense entirely. This also follows up with the stigma with the male ethic of self-reliance, in which help-seeking behaviours can be seen as cowardly or unmasculine.

It's most likely the reason why he also dislikes Kunigami's philosophy of heroes; Considering the fact his entire character is based on wanting to be free from restriction, he must have lived in an environment and/or went through a sort of restriction which influenced his ideals of "I can fend myself, I won't need anyone". The world he has grown up in was nothing but survival against the abuse he went through, so for what purpose should he believe in the principle of a savior, if he himself could have never been saved? It doesn't help either when in real time, there have been many cases where survivors of sexual abuse are either never believed when they speak out about it, or never speak out at all in fear of not being believed.

And besides the fact he uses violence as a defense method, one thing I noticed about Shidou is that during the time he was locked up by Ego for inducing violence onto Rin. We see him, perhaps for the first time, being calm and offering a promise that he'll make sure to stop fighting and hitting others, as long as he is let out of that prison he's trapped in. You see, a common reaction victims will use during the process of the SA is to freeze. To stay silent and still. It's like how animals freeze to avoid fights or further harm to themselves, or play dead in order to prevent getting eaten by predators. Although the outer self may seem to be in a calm state, the inside are on high alert, because they are afraid on what will be their abuser's next moves. The option to fight or run away may seem easy to those who haven't experienced SA, but to the victim it may seem harder than you think. Because freezing is a body's instinct response to abuse, and it'll stay frozen until the abuse is over, it's almost like a human's way of playing dead, so that the assault induced will end sooner. Among the instincts of 'fight, flight, freeze', Shidou seems to use fight the most out of the three. However, when necessary times come necessary measures, Shidou, perhaps for the first time, switches to 'freeze' instead of 'fight'. Not only because he basically, cannot physically fight anyone at that moment, but also because he is afraid. Afraid of being restricted yet again, afraid of not having the chance to live his life, which is to play football. The worst position to be in when you're being hurt or abused is limitation. You can't move, you can't fight, you can't run away from your abuse from happening. Nothing but hope that the abuse happening to you will end soon, that your abuser will stop hurting you. That's exactly what is so terrifying about the freeze responses.

Shidou and his sexual behaviour

If any fan knows anything about Shidou, it's that he's not afraid to speak out what's on his mind, especially lewd and inappropriate words. More or less, this can be connecting to something called hypersexuality. Accordingly, hypersexuality is defined as an intense focus on sexual fantasies, urges and behaviours that can't be controlled. Hypersexuality can not only cause distress, but also problems in school and workplace.

Survivors of sexual abuse cope in one of the two ways: Either by avoiding sexual or intimidate interactions entirely, or seeking said interactions on a large and unhealthy scale. According to this article, a majority of men who suffer from hypersexuality or sex addiction have been either physically or sexually abused in their childhood.

We see Shidou quite literally compare scoring a goal in football, to sexual intercourse. (And also the part where he says he's gonna blow his load, with Sae also dismissing it, but it's just partners supporting each other!)

By now, we know that two things that Shidou is unable to separate from each other is life and football. Both the act of life and the act of playing football is interconnected. Because football is something that allows him to leave a mark, allows him to be known by the world. Because football is a biological phenomenon to him, rather than just a sport.

And yes sure, this is supposed to be a connection to his philosophy of leaving a mark on others, so that you can be remembered. But also remember what he says in his monologue: "Those who create something, those who want to become something, and of course, those who make children." The way humans create life is through intimacy, through intercourse. The two people engaging leave a mark on each other through creating that life, that child.

And while speaking about his monologue of leaving a mark, Shidou also mentions that wounding others are a way of leaving behind a proof of existence. Inducing abuse whether it'd be physical, emotional or sexual, can also be one of the ways to make someone remember you.

The abuser leaves the mark on the victim, the mentioned mark left on them can be seen as PTSD or trauma symptoms.

Abuse is not something you can just simply turn away, forget or overlook. Whether the effects of trauma are short-term or long-term, they are there, they are a proof of existence that it happened. Shidou's inability to separate the physical act of football and the biological act of life's desires, especially sexual desires, can be seen as hypersexuality. Hypersexuality can also be seen as a mark left onto the victim. And it's extremely lengthy to recover and remove those marks left on you.

Of Freedom and Shidou Ryusei

I think Shidou Ryusei and his obsession with freedom is something so interesting about his character, yet so many people tend to ignore it as a significant part of him. Because imagine if one day out of the blue, your entire bodily autonomy gets taken away from you, you're trapped in a cycle of repetitive abuse onto you. When it's finally over and you have control over everything again, the world suddenly feels so utterly different. So what do you do? Of course, cling onto that freedom that is now yours.

Bite any other hand that may seem like it's trying to take it away, because if there is one thing you do not ever want to repeat, it is someone isolating you once more against the world. So hold on tightly to the freedom you now have, and make sure it stays with you for eternity.

All of Shidou's favourite things, his favourite film, manga and song, are also connected to this in a way.

It would take too long for me to get into detail about both Chainsaw Man and A Clockwork Orange, but I want to say that both media and their protagonists have approaches to freedom of life and choice.

In Chainsaw Man, Denji is a child that has been depraved of even the basic of human needs; Just like Shidou, he wants to claim everything in his current life and not return to when he had nothing when he was a child. In A Clockwork Orange, Alexander who in the beginning of the movie has been committing heinous crimes with no one to stop him, is captured and put through inhumane experiments in order to rehabilitate him. His entire freedom is taken away from him and for the next hour, we see him go through immense suffering and torture by those who he had wronged to the point he attempts to commit suicide through jumping off a window. In the end, it doesn't seem like his mindset has changed at all. It makes us question whether or not letting someone be free to do anything they want is the better option even if it hurts others, rather than attempt to isolate them in order to transform them into a better human being.

I would like to talk a little about his favourite artist. For a bit of context, hide is popular for being an icon of rebellion against Japan's conformist society, and one of his songs PINK SPIDER, is listed as Shidou's favourite song according to the official Blue Lock Egoist Bible. I've seen a lot of interpretations of what the song truly means, but the main story is that it's about a spider trapped within and kills anything near it. Because it wishes to free itself away, it steals a butterfly's wings. It attempts to fly, and fails, and tries again. Whether or not the spider did actually succeeded in flying away is unknown to us. But, that's not all!

Around the chapter where Shidou scores a goal, the commenter calls it a 'rocket diving header'. This can lead to one of hide's other songs in the same album as PINK SPIDER, rocket dive; a song with the similar approach of freedom but with different tones. Compared to PINK SPIDER, rocket dive has a more cheerful approach. In the end of the song, the star mentioned in rocket dive successfully flies away and appears as a new shooting star in the sky.

Which brings me to point out something: Shidou Ryusei's birthday is on Tanabata, a type of Japanese celebration called the Star Festival which is celebrated on the seventh day of the seventh month.

His name, Ryusei, is also a homophone for shooting star in Japanese.

Shidou, born as a star on the day where two lover stars meet, yet when he was born, he was not allowed to fly and join the others in the sky.

But he overcame everything, achieved that dream of having the freedom to do whatever he wants. And even though he went through all that pain, all that abuse, and most likely had to learn how to escape by himself through football before Blue Lock, he made it come true, like a spell.

And eventually, he learnt how to fly, and let the world knew who he was.

#cw child abuse #cw csa #shidou ryusei #blue lock #bllk #ryusei shidou #shidou ryuusei #character analysis #bllk analysis #character study #character examination #i deeply apologize for the repetitive words and any mistakes i made it's so late i can't be bothered to fix it until tomorrow #this is my first time writing such a long analysis and posting it publicly. please be nice to me.#i worked on this shit for TWO WEEKS and will probably not like it later but you know what it's better to never post anything at all

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naswoop · 7 months

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Brief interlude between isat fanarts to draw @dekupalace's In Stars and Time au because I am utterly obsessed <-(said while vibrating with excitement)

Lil bonus pencil sketch under the cut

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kelvintimeline · 3 months

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good omens fans saying “i can’t abandon this fandom it’s my safe space 🥺”

meanwhile their safe space is full of people calling rape victims liars and invoking rhetoric that has been used to justify abuse (“why didn’t she immediately leave him?” “why didn’t she speak up?” “why did she fawn over him after the abuse?” “why did she backtrack when he told her he wanted to kill himself?” “she must’ve been tricked into thinking it was rape by her friends” and also “actually she must have false memories, neil said she does”)

safe space for who exactly

#neil gaiman #good omens #not a surprise considering all the other heinous shit the fandom had done over the years #but like #your uwu smol beans were written by a rapist #how comforting is that really?#rape cw #abuse cw #rape apologism cw

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jamiesfootball · 8 months

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Anyways. Back before season three aired, my working theory for What Ted's Deal was - with his advice to Jamie, with the panic attacks that were layered Jamie and his son - that it would turn out that his late father had also been abusive, but that with his father's death Ted had never processed it.

Obviously the show didn't go that route, but in general these were the points that I was daisy-chaining together to build something of a narrative flow:

Ted preaches kindness and positivity but also struggles with his own repressed anger and inability to be direct in what he wants. He continually, pathologically, puts people before himself, to the point that it's becoming a breaking point in his marriage.

Ted repeatedly praises 'women' for being the more emotionally intelligent of the genders. He looks at toxic masculinity as not just a thing to be examined and overcome, but the root of why men struggle.

He himself is a product of the same toxic male behavior, and while he tries to lead by example as an individual, there's a part of that culture that he almost sees as... natural? Like a foregone conclusion. A lot of his methods for dealing with the team in season one happen within the same social boundaries he decries. If he can get Roy to step up, if he can get Roy and Jamie to stop fighting and call a truce, then everything else will fall in place, because men follow a hierarchical structure. This is How Locker Rooms Work, and-

I always go back to Jamie's first, open receptiveness to Ted's 'one in eleven' speech as the first sign that Ted doesn't know how to deal with things directly. This scene reads as Ted being very taken aback by Jamie's willingness to listen. It has shades of their later scene at the Crown & Anchor in it, with Ted being the one who pulls away from a conversation that has the ability of getting emotionally direct and real.

Ted's repressed anger. His shouting at Jamie in 1x06 over practice, but also his shouting at Nate when Nate tries to stuff the letter under his hotel room door.

Ted emotionally reaches for the bottle like. A noticeable amount of times. But especially when he's getting divorced.

Every Sunday afternoon Ted's father used to take him to a sports bar. From age of 10 til 16.

Ted's mom is completely incapable of being direct

Ted and his mom never processed or talked about his dad's death

Ted looks devastated when he sees Jamie with his father in the boot room, but ultimately walks away

Ted sends Jamie a token to show he's not alone (Ted soldier)

Next time Jamie tries to talk to Ted at the bar, Jamie opens with addressing the subject directly (the Ted soldier) and Ted deflects. Asks about City. Won't look him in the eye. Doesn't say anything to Jamie admitting he left City to piss off his dad. He just says that line about how sometimes having a tough dad is what makes you better.

He thought he knew what he was doing [about Jamie] but Sam 'went and unsettled it.' Some people aren't lucky enough to have good dads.

Ted welcomes Jamie back but keeps his distance (much more than in season 1).

Ted begins having panic attacks that feature Jamie and his son.

Ted admits panic attacks linked directly to his father's death.

So this takes us through season two, and at this point my working theory was what if it turned out that Ted most of Ted's Ted-ness had been an active effort on his own part to become something less like his own father? It would explain his disdain for male-coded behaviors while also explaining why he seems unable to truly break away from them. it would explain his people-pleasing habits (and meeting his mom and knowing she is also allergic to asking for things, I think this could still fit as a trauma response). It would explain his putting women on a pedestal, if he had a bad male role model to begin with. It would explain how his demeanor around Jamie changes so much when they have the 'tough dads' talk turning into something closed off when his body language with Jamie has always been open before (and there's a lovely parallel with how they're both sat at the bar in that shot too). Hell it would add additional weight to that talk if it turned out he was also speaking of himself. His panic attacks would make sense, seeing himself in Jamie but also his son and his own role as a dad.

That, plus Ted being a character we regularly see drinking something harder than wine or beer, usually when he's emotionally stressed. Plus Ted's dad bringing him to a sports bar every Sunday for years, and at a young age too. Plus Jamie's dad being an alcoholic. That's where I thought this was going- I thought it would turn out that the late Lasso had also been an alcoholic and a tough dad. It just seemed the obvious conclustion at the time, to make the Ted & Jamie parallel into a full parallel.

Then you add in the fact that Ted married his college sweetheart and then waited until they were in their thirties before having a kid (In the midwest. Where he definitely would've been pressured about it) and all of this to me added up to a troubled man who struggled with the idea of becoming a father long before he had a son. Someone who spent years creating a facade, pretending (like his mom) that things were okay. Someone who maybe never felt right blaming his dad for any of it, not when it became so clear at the end how much his dad was struggling.

Only to have that facade crumble the second someone else from similar circumstances showed up to challenge it.

His dad was a product of his time, the same way that Ted is a product of his dad, the same way men are just a product of toxic masculinity, and Ted doesn't know how to 'deal' with any of it but he'd thought he'd gotten to the point in life where he had some solutions. Only to find that those solutions didn't work when held up to a mirror.

So yeah. That was my theory. Then season three happened, and I realized that unfortunately my theory had a flaw. See, I was so busy looking for a Watsonian diagnosis that would make Ted's idiosyncrasies make sense, that I completely missed the fact that the problem was Doylist to begin with. The show writers never meant for us to read into all of that, because the show writers themselves didn't see anything contrary, worrisome, or tone-deaf about Ted's behavior. Not from a toxic masculinity standpoint, and certainly not from the standpoint of discussing abuse of a male character.

It's not Ted who dismisses Jamie's dad's abuse. It's the writers. Which unfortunately means, since Ted by extension is the show, that it is Ted. Which is why all of us are left watching scenes like the 'tough dads' scene or the Mom City scene and going-

What the hell, Ted?

#apologies if this is rather rambly #i think i lost the point a few times #anyways here. have an old theory that got axed with the rest of them #though I stand by the idea that Ted also had depression in season three #ted lasso #jamie tartt #ted lasso meta #cw suicide mention #for Ted's dad #cw abuse #for jamie and (in this version) ted's dad #this is the longer version of the previous post that I mentioned in the tags

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nekropsii · 5 months

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Saw a sad comic about how no one wants to be around Cronus 💀. Like uh yeah I don't blame them he'd probably sexually harrass them, tf ?

I think it’s normal to not want to interact with a guy who would relentlessly sexually harass you out of the gate and then sling verbal abuse at you the moment you turn him down. That’s normal. You can’t make that avoidance angsty from the perspective of the harasser in question without coming across as Posting Apologetics.

This is because you would very literally be Posting Apologetics.

Making an abuser a sympathetic sadboy and turning them experiencing social consequences because of them abusing people into angst material is abuse apologism.

#homestuck #alpha trolls #cronus ampora #abuse apologism #cw abuse #cronus.pdf #nekro.sms

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tangyyrine · 4 months

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Jotun Loki Design

Jotun lore/headcanons under the cut !!

Species Info -The Jotnar have blue skin that varies in shades. They can have white/very pale skin, but it’s rare.

-They have red eyes with heightened sight to help them easily navigate the dark. It also gives them the ability to see well through thick snow fall.

-Temperatures in Jotunnheim never rise above the freezing point of water. Jotnar can exist comfortably at frigid temperatures. Jotnar are highly vulnerable to heat. (Marvel wiki)

-The Jotnar hunt with the help of wolves and eagles/falcons. Both creatures are considered sacred animals and are treated with great respect. Wolves help track and bring down prey, and many Jotnar have them as companions. Eagles help locate prey from above and transport messages between Jotnar, as well as being a source of companionship for a few. (Inspired by imagery from the Hunnestad monument and other mythology)

-‘Troll’ is known widely as a particularly harsh insult, as it diminishes both ones intelligence and appearance.

-Family is very important to the Jotnar. The circle-like markings on their body are hereditary, making a sense of familial pride crucial to one’s identity.

-Members of the royal family can be identified by their markings (they are the only Jotnar with double ring markings).

-Some Jotnar are born with an affinity for magic.

-Because the temperatures are so low, putting water on one’s body to freeze into icy patterns is used on special/formal occasions. Some adults treat this as a profession and perfect their craft to use on customers for payment.

-I can’t decide if Jotnar should use actual currency or more of a bartering system.

Specific info on Jotun Loki:

-This is basically Loki if they were never taken from Jotunnheim. They are the child of Laufey. (Despite the Jotnar prioritizing familial bonds and well being, Laufey is an outlier. He is abusive and cruel).

-Loki was born unusually small, which is a big part of why Laufey despises them and views them as weak/useless. Even as an adult, Loki is quite small compared to other Jotnar. (Still giant by human standards, though!)

-Loki was born with magic as a Jotun- though his abilities are not as strong as they would be under the cultivation of an Asgardian sorceress. Like most Jotnar, he relies on his skill with weapons just as much as his magic. (Thus, the giant ice sword. Is it very practical? Idk but it was fun to draw)

-She owns two eagles and a huuge wolf (maybe in this world Fenrir is Loki’s pet/companion instead of her child? Just a normal wolf? Idk).

-His earrings are meant to mimic icicles

if you have any jotun headcanons of your own you’d like to share… feel free to do so I will love u forever

#this goes against a lot of marvel canon but idc #i’m also not very familiar with jötnar in norse mythology so apologies if i got something wrong there as well #is this technically an au?#loki of jotunheim #jotun loki #loki #loki fanart #comic loki #mcu loki #character design #marvel #marvel fanart #half of it makes sense and half of it is just me having fun #cw blood #cw mentions of abuse #i forgot they were called jotnar oops very professional over here!! it’s fixed now #tangydraws #headcanon

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to-be-a-dreamer · 7 months

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“Separate the art from the artist” is what you say when you still find joy in art that was created by a person who has done something harmful, but their art isn’t directly tied to their actions as a person, so you find ways to privately enjoy it without directly supporting them. It is not something you say to make yourself feel better about directly financially supporting a person who admitted to physical domestic abuse (which is an actual literal crime that people go to jail for, not some kind of petty internet discourse that a notes app apology can fix) just because you can’t stand to let go of your favorite mediocre white boy.

A streamer is not the kind of artist you can separate from the art. Music is another thing but if you’re able to listen to a man sing about being a toxic partner while knowing what he’s done you may need to spend some time unpacking that. And if you’re one of the people who found comfort in using his content as a form of escapism before you knew about all of this, I’m sorry and I know this must be hard to come to terms with but that’s something you need to deal with in private and it’s not an excuse to continue giving a platform to an abuser.

Always believe victims and go support Shelby! She’s been my favorite Minecraft content creator for years and she’s amazing at what she does! Her YouTube and streaming content is great and I’m also a big fan of her work on Kollok 1991 and The Unleashed, which are TTRPG shows if that’s something you’re into! Kollok is a lot more gritty and definitely not PG (think Stranger Things but with more of a horror element) and the Unleashed is like a comic-book super heroes series that’s a little more similar vibes to her usual content. (Featuring an all LGBTQ+ cast and GMed by Aabria Iyengar!) The Unleashed is pretty short for a TTRPG series and a great place to start if you’ve never seen that kind of thing before!

#tw abuse #cw abuse #shubble #shelby shubble #not the kind of thing i usually talk about but I’ve seen too many people misusing that phrase and it simply must be said #the number of people who have said they don’t care what he’s done they’re still going to support him is disgusting #‘I went to therapy I’m better now’ is a shit apology and you all know it #are there ways to consume his music without directly supporting him?#definitely but the majority of people saying this aren’t intending on doing that #wilbur soot #I don’t even want to tag him but I know that’s where the people who need to be told this are

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sokkastyles · 10 months

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Fanon Mai and Ty Lee: “Evil and cruel Azula tormented us since she was five, deeply traumatizing and abusing us every moment of existence and ruining our perfect lives. All our personality traits and decisions are trauma responses to her abuse.”

Canon Mai and Ty Lee: “Our parents and families treated us very poorly and deeply traumatized us, and a lot of our personalities and desires are a reaction to that. Also, Azula can be a real asshole sometimes, but she often treats us surprisingly well and we actually like her.”

I need everyone to understand real quick that part of the cycle of abuse is that people who experienced abuse in childhood are often vulnerable to getting into abusive relationships later in life, because they've internalized it as normal. Which is why "Ty Lee and Mai were not abused by Azula, all their trauma responses were from their families" is a gross thing to say.

And, in fact, it's because Ty Lee has trauma related to not feeling like her own person that she wound up in Azula's shadow, and because Mai has trauma related to feeling like she can't express herself that she was drawn to Azula's destructive personality.

But it's also canon that both of them left her in the end because they didn't want to be ordered around, threatened, or killed anymore, so I'm not interested in "actually she treated them surpringly well." It's abuse apologism and nothing more.

#mai #ty lee #abuse apologism #abuse cw #azula

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angorwhosebabyisthis · 2 years

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[non-detailed personal stuff, polyphobia, abuse mention/abuse apologism/victim-blaming cw.]

there are a lot of reasons i hate that polyphobes took polyam-specific abuse dynamics and turned them into a joke to make polyam people and our relationships look Cringe. one of them is that i'd like to explore relationships that do hit those beats in fiction, but given my own experiences i'd need to deploy some pretty grim humor to engage with it, and i don't want to just add to the tide.

like, i'm a traumatized polyam person, and i have the right to process and talk about it the way i need to! but fuckin. man.

#whosebaby talks #abuse cw #polyphobia cw #anti-survivor cw #abuse apologism cw #victim-blaming cw #this post brought to you by 'i am Considering what a nightmare of gaslighting and triangulation cohnley would be'#and it's interesting and might be cathartic #but boy is that shit loaded for me lmao #LL tag #dyn: he's like us now

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paingoes · 2 months

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Destroyer - Check Up

(Masterlist)

long time no simon

(Content: abuse apologism, non-sexual nudity, child abuse mention, child death mention, drug mention, insensitivity around addiction, brief weight mention)

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“Follow the light,” Dr.Martino turned the flash on. Delta traced its path with his eyes. He blinked out the afterimage against his eyelids. He jumped a little as the doctor pulled his hair back, tying it up in a loose knot for him.

“Stand.”

Delta got up from the table. It was a fairly standard routine at this point; he didn’t need to be told what to do. Except — he didn’t understand why Simon was there. The scientist was leaning back against the bookshelf, not saying anything. Delta felt a little tug of embarrassment as he pulled his shirt up over his head. He didn’t want Simon to see all of it.

Delta wouldn’t dare hesitate around Dr.Martino, though. Martino knew he wouldn’t. He had known him the longest and was least likely to play games with him. He shrugged the shirt off, folding it neatly onto the table. He removed the loose fabric of his pants until he was standing mostly nude within the cold office. It would have been typical, almost boring — if not for the fact Simon was there, if not for the litany of bruises marked out on his body.

He was ashamed of it. Dr.Martino’s gloved hand traced gently against the bruises. Some of their shapes were still imprinted clearly onto the flesh. A cable, a ring, a ruler. Not all of it was deserved, even Delta knew that. Paris had gotten out of control. But there was enough of it that he felt he had earned and it made him distressed to have the marks of his own failures so visible against his body. He didn’t want Simon to see it.

Dr.Martino did some quick measurements. Delta was sure he’d lost weight recently, mostly from stress. The doctor examined the faint scarring around his neck, the afterburns of his own powers nearly frying the collar.

He dimmed the lights. The soft pale glow of the X-ray equipment stood out against their dark surroundings. Martino guided him into one of the machines, instructing him to stay still. He did so. It moved with a soft mechanical whirr, maneuvering its parts deftly around his frame.

“You can go,” Dr.Martino switched the machine off.

“Yes, sir,” Delta nodded, stepping outside of its confines. He pulled his clothes back on quickly, left his hair tied up. He exited without looking at either of them.

Dr.Martino carded through the X-rays, putting them all atop the table light. Simon shifted slightly.

“He’s been pretty banged up recently, hm?” He said.

“The psionics are designed to work under high stress. They can take a lot of abuse.” Dr.Martino shrugged.

“You don’t think Paris has a problem?”

“Paris has plenty of problems.” He scoffed. “Christ, I’m glad I never had a son.”

Simon still looked uneasy. Martino sighed, putting the papers down.

“You’re giving him more sympathy than he deserves. That kid is a menace. He always has been.”

“You really think so?” Simon’s voice was surprised, but not judgemental, “He’s always been so good for me.”

“I don't like sneaky. None of the actual good kids made it out of the institute. I used to have favorites, you know. Turns out the ones with an actual conscience don’t fare so well when it's time to drop the bomb. Nine times out of ten, he was the one they sent to deal with them.”

“You’re joking,” Simon balked, “I didn’t know they killed the rejects.”

“Oh, not all of them. A lot of them did get rehomed when they burnt out. But the hostile, powerful ones had to be destroyed. There was this one girl Stella — super nice kid. But when they tried to make her kill the animals, she’d freak out, start getting all mad. Ended up injuring all her handlers. So they sent Delta in. Crushed her like an insect. No hesitation. No emotion at all.”

He paused. “Of course, that’s what they were looking for. That’s why you have to treat him like an object. If he starts to value his own feelings, it all falls apart.”

The silence hung in the air. Simon glanced out the port window.

“Sometimes I remember the last person in my position blew their brains out,” He says.

Dr.Martino laughed. It had caught him off-guard. Simon smiled, but it looked more like a grimace.

“I still think Paris is being too rough with him. It’s against his own interest.”

“His Highness is a fucking junkie. He doesn’t know his own interests.”

“That’s what I’m saying. He needs help.”

“Are you going to say something to him then?”

Simon didn’t answer, readjusting his cuffs with no real sense of urgency.

#whump #whump community #whump scenario #living weapon whumpee #whump prompt #living weapon #abuse apologism #non-sexual nudity #child abuse mention #child death mention #drug mention #cw simon being useless <3 #delta #simon #dr.martino

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