#AT&T Center

[subsidystadium]

The San Antonio Spurs continue to milk the city for taxpayer money

The San Antonio Spurs continue to milk the city for taxpayer money

The San Antonio Spurs have been outright robbing city hall for several decades now. In the early 1990s, the San Antonio Spurs wanted a new arena. In 1993, the city built them one that cost about $250 million dollars. 100% of which was paid for by local taxpayers. But the Spurs didn’t like that arena, so just six years after it was built, the Spurs got a referendum put up asking for taxpayers to…

[russian-dallas]

Календарь культурных событий Большого Далласа с 20 по 31 октября

Календарь культурных событий Большого Далласа с 20 по 31 октября

Музей искусств Далласа представляет выставку Мэтью Вонга (Dallas Museum of Art presents Matthew Wong: “The Realm of Appearances”) Премьера первой музейной ретроспективы в США, посвященной покойному художнику Мэтью Вонгу будет проходить с 16 октября 2022 года по 5 февраля 2023 года в Музее искусств Далласа. На выставке представлены около 60 картин, созданных Вонгом за его короткую, но плодотворную…

[wheelsgoroundincircles]

Dodge Challenger R/T

This custom Challenger was originally a Plum Crazy Purple car. It has a Shaker hood TA spoilers and dual mirrors. During its custom build it was fully disassembled and blasted before it was finished in custom PPG paint. The custom 528ci all-aluminum Indy HEMI engine features a Maxx aluminum block Manley rods Wiseco custom dome pistons 426-1 Indy heads with Super Mod porting K-Motion springs and 10-degree titanium keepers. The engine is fed by a 950cfm Holley Ultra HP carburetor through a port-matched Indy 426-2 intake. It?s also equipped with an Indy Maxx oil pump and oil pan custom 24-gallon aluminum fuel cell with a Holley racing fuel pump MSD Pro Billet distributor custom 1-1/4 ceramic-coated headers flowing into custom 3 exhaust with X-pipe and ceramic-coated Holly Flo Tec mufflers. A Be Cool aluminum radiator with dual thermostatically controlled fans Meziere high-volume water pump and Indy reverse-flow water pump keeps the engine running cool. Richmond 6-speed manual transmission with a long shifter and McCleod dual disc clutch with Lakewood scattershield transfers the power through a Dennys heavy-duty aluminum metal matrix driveshaft and DTS custom-built Dana 60 rear end with Strange axles. This Challenger features a custom frame and suspension with a full roll cage Aldan coilover shocks and Magnum Force A-arms with 1-1/8? sway bar up front Aldan coilovers out back Modified Competition Engineering engine and mid-plate mounts and full aluminum tubs. Wilwood dual master cylinder and billet disc brakes at all corners provide stopping power to the one-off Boyd Coddington billet wheels and Nitto 555Extreme ZR tires. Additionally this Challenger was equipped with a Painless wiring harness Summit battery disconnect dual batteries mini starter variable speed wipers Electro-life electric windows Halogen headlights and custom driving lights. The restored interior features Legendary leather seats a Rim Blow steering wheel center console full Auto Meter Phantom gauges and tachometer a custom Autosound stereo with 5-disc CD changer Sony Xplod amp and Pioneer Aramid fiber speakers with IMPP cones electric antennae tinted glass and air conditioning. 

[munson-blurbs]

@corrodedcoffinfest Day 20: Under the Covers

Word Count: 656/Rating: T/Pairing: None/CW: none/Tags: Eddie Munson, Gareth, Grant, Jeff, Erica Sinclair, Lucas Sinclair, Mike Wheeler, Dustin Henderson, birthday party, cover band

Divider credit to @silkholland

“Absolutely not.”

Eddie hopes that Lucas can detect his grimace through the phone. 

“C’mon, dude,” Lucas pleads, heaving a sigh. “My sister’s freaking out. Like, on the verge of homicide.”

Eddie knowingly chuckles. “Well, the guys are actually here right now. We can take a vote.” He tilts the receiver away from his mouth and calls out, “Hey, dipshits! Do we wanna play Madonna covers at Little Sinclair’s birthday party this weekend?”

“Pass,” Jeff says. 

“Over my dead body!” Grant barks. 

Gareth goes as far to say, “I’d rather slowly saw off my arm with a butter knife.”

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie muses before turning his attention back to Lucas. “Yeah, that’s gonna be a no.”

There’s a scuffling noise as the phone is passed to—or, more likely, grabbed by—Erica Sinclair. 

“Which one of you weirdos am I talking to?”

Eddie laughs again. “Listen…Lady Applejack,” he starts, but Erica cuts him off before he can continue talking. 

“No, you listen. The band that was supposed to play at my party got the flu. And if I don’t have a goddamn Madonna cover band, Tina will make sure that I���m the laughingstock of the sixth grade!”

Eddie’s not sure who Tina is, nor does he care, but he knows what it’s like to be an outcast. He glances back at the guys, sprawled out between the couch and the floor. They’re gonna kill me, he thinks grimly. 

“What time should we be there?”

It had taken a lot of convincing and even more bribery—Eddie would be lugging equipment in and out of the van solo for a long time—but the guys eventually agreed to play Erica’s party. For the first time in his life, Eddie went to the record store and seriously browsed the pop section, renting both of Madonna’s cassettes. The cashier raised his brow quizzically when Eddie dropped them on the counter. 

“Don’t ask,” Eddie had muttered, and the cashier wordlessly bagged the tapes. 

Under the roof of the Sinclair’s open garage, the rest of Corroded Coffin tune their instruments and grumble under their breath. 

Eddie steps up to the mic, tapping on it once to confirm it’s powered on. “Uh, hi,” he says to the crowd of twelve-year-old girls, “we’re Corroded Coffin?” He winces at the inflection in his voice. “And we’ve got a few songs for you.”

He nods at the band, none of them meeting his gaze. 

Holiday! Celebrate! Holiday! Celebrate!

Eddie glanced around, noting the swarm of preteen girls dancing along, with Erica at the center. At least they’re enjoying it, he thinks wryly. 

Everybody spread the word 

We're gonna have a celebration 

All across the world 

In every nation

Okay, this isn’t too bad. The girls seem happy, which means Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair will be happy, which means they might add a tip to what they’re already paying. 

It’s not until the band is at the chorus to Into the Groove that Eddie sees them: 

Lucas, Dustin, and Mike stand at the far end of the driveway. Lucas and Dustin are laughing so hard that tears slip down their cheeks, but Eddie can’t see Mike’s face. 

Because it’s blocked by a camcorder. The scrawny freshman is videotaping them. 

“Get into the groove, boy, you've got to prove your love to me, yeah,” Lucas sings in a mocking, nasal tone. 

Dustin manages to stop laughing long enough to add, “work it, material girls!”

“You little shits!” Eddie yanks the cord from the amp, scrambling to charge at the boys. His face is bright red in both anger and embarrassment. “I’m gonna kick your sorry asses!”

The freshmen run as fast as they can, Mike lagging behind as he struggles to hold onto the camera. The gaggle of girls disperses, all of them shrieking at the prospect of a fight. Erica rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest in irritation. 

Yeah…Corroded Coffin might be forgoing a tip for this gig. 

--

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

man about town interview | spring/summer 2014

for the tweam! click through for my best attempt at deciphering this (maybe impossible to find?) throwback interview

‘’I don’t think I’m scary at all. It was kind of funny watching myself being scary. Because I’m not scary.’’ Says Evan Peters, the up-and-coming up-for-anything actor best known for his extreme roles on American Horror Story, the prestige television series that treats social taboos as map points. For three seasons, Peters has excelled at playing against his offbeat boyishness by amping up his young Malcolm McDowell intensity, with results that fall somewhere between ‘’teen dream in strangler’s gloves’’ and ‘’terrifying Michael Cera.’’ He most recently appeared in American Horror Story: Coven as Kyle Spencer, the good-natured university student who is decapitated and then reanimated with the body parts of his Kappa Lambda Gamma brothers as a temperamental Rocky Horror who beats his sexually abusive mother to death with a trophy.

Over a bold chai tea with stevia, at a restaurant in Venice, California, Peters is lighthearted and dryly humorous, like a young Michael Shannon, with whom he should costar in a successful disturbing family sitcom. He wears black jeans, a well-worn t-shirt under a plaid flannel, and a necklace with a toy dinosaur pendant. He drives a 2004 Pontiac Vibe that he correctly describes as ‘’vintage’’; says that he just feels like growing his longish blond hair into a ponytail, and has a red thumbs-up permanently inked onto the to pof his right hand, that was traced over a nightclub door stamp. At one point, he raises his forearm to show off a temporary tattoo that he received the night before at the castle park family entertainment center in Sherman oaks. ‘’This is a Belle tattoo. It’s not real,’’ he explains playfully of a small portrait of the beautiful young heroine from the animated Disney film Beauty and the Beast. I tell him it’s very pretty. ‘’Thank you. She’s gorgeous,’’ he responds. I ask if Belle is his favorite Disney princess. ‘’Well, I picked her out. There was also Jasmine, Ariel and Cinderella. My other buddies got those.” ‘’What about Belle appeals to you?’’ ‘’She likes the Beast.’’ Peters says.

This summer, Peters appears as the teenage Mutant speeder Quicksilver in X-Men: Days of Future Past, the sequel to 2011’s X-Men: First Class, which has proven to be an eventful ??? movie. In October 2012, director Matthew Vaughn – who relaunched the franchise with much needed style and a new cast of young, indie + credible actors – left the film to be replaced by original trilogy director Bryan Singer. As such, fans were already touched when Singer announced that he would retell ‘’Days of Future Past,’’ the seminal X-Men time-travel storyline from 1980, an ambitious plan turned wild when he revealed that both franchises would merge into one. Cut to the 2012 San diego Comic-Con whereby unthinkable feats of scheduling – the sprawling casts of the modern-day first series and the 60’s era prequel (that include expensive names like Jennifer Lawrence, Hugh Jackmon, Halle Berry, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan, Michael Fassbender, and so on). Convened with ??? new additions like Peters to unhinge popular culture. ‘’You think to yourself, ‘’wow, people really, really love this stuff.” And it makes you appreciate it more. It makes you work harder at it.’’ he says about the experience.

Peters’ role in the films is crucial but concise. ‘’It’s a huge, huge opportunity but I always make sure to tell people it’s just one scene. Easy, it's just one scene.’’ Peters says, as if talking down a rearing horse. Quicksilver has already been the subject of film industry chatter regarding lawful usage of the character, who is both the son of Magneto and a colleague of the Avengers, making him fair game for inclusion in both Days of Future Past and the 20n5 Avengers sequel (in which he will be played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson of Kick-Ass). An Empire magazine Preview of Quicksilver’s costume design was greeted with comparison to Kid Vid, a ‘90’s cartoon form of the Burger King ‘’Kid’s Club,’’ and the news that Peters had been saddled with the Halle Berry “rough wig’’ role. But his fan’s enthusiasm for the project—in which desperate X-Men from a dystopias future try to stave off mutant genocide by altering the present day—is undimmed. ‘’I think it’s the best film of the francise yet,’’ proclaims Peters. ‘’It’s pretty dire. It’s a pretty epic situation. But there’s definitely some humor in there. Its’s just badass, man.’’

Quicksilver is a departure for Peters in some ways if not others. Both X-Men and Horror Story are tight productions that take extensive precautions to protect story lines. Peters says that he did not receive the full script for X-Men until arriving at the Montreal location days before shooting. Horror Story pages are often delivered the night before a scene. The short lead time can demand a ??? almost improvisational acting process. ‘’The minute we get the script, plans are cancelled, dinner is cancelled,’’ he says about working on Horror Story. ‘’Some of it you’re like, ‘Oh shit, I have to do that?’ Screaming and crying, realizing that my whole body is pieced together and I’m not myself? I’ll probably have to work on that.’’

Peters owes his career to television. ‘’I was watching a lot of TV and I kind of wanted to be on the TV and in movies. I love movies and TV,’’ he says, and cites inspirations like Joaquin Phoenix, Heath Ledger, Christian Bale, George Clooney, JIM Carrey, Chris Farley, Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump, and the millennial teen comedies Even Stevens starring Shia Labeuof and So Little Time with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. ‘’That sort of stuff. I just really wanted to be a part of it and loved acting and performing.’’ He moved to Los Angeles with is mother when he was 15 years old, and steadily won work in television, on shows including Phil of the Future (2004) and One Tree Hill (2008), and in movies like the independent films Clipping Adam (2004), his first big break, and later Kick Ass (2010). Being cast as Tate Langdon in the first season of American Horror Story in 2011 was his tipping point, playing a Skull Boy-faced high school shooter in a latex catsuit who rapes his girlfriend’s mother to please a ghost. He has since become one of the five main players to appear in all three season of the series, sterling company that includes Jessica Lange, Sarah Paulson, Lily Rabe and Frances Conroy.

Now the world gets to enjoy a lighter side of Peters, like when he appeared on a 2011 episode of the G4 networks Attack of the Show and blithely volunteered that he was working a a rap song called ‘’I’ll Tap That Fucking Ass.’’ He laughs off a request to recite a verse. ‘’I can’t. That never materialized. I tried but it was too much pressure. It was just a concept. I was just trying new ideas,’’ he says, and then volunteers a different musical direction. ‘’It’s called ‘Natch Snatch.’ Like all natural snatch. Big bush. Snatch. Cause it’s nice. You know, ‘girl, you’ve got that natch snatch.’ It’s another nice concept. Probably on the same album.’’ Peters laughs in agreement at the suggestion that he is a kook in the best sense of the word. ‘’I get called a weirdo sometimes,’’ he admits ‘’But it’s like, I don’t feel that weird. I don’t feel that different. I look at everybody else and I’m like, ‘’you’re a fucking weirdo, too. You like all of your shit. I like my shit.’’ Why does one have to be weird and one have to be normal? It doesn’t make any sense to me.’’ Meanwhile, he seems to be successfully negotiating his public and private persona. ‘’I’ll try to be myself as much as I can but you obviously can’t be who you are at home in your skivvies eating donuts. You can’t be that.’’ He explains, before confirming that guy exists, with his tongue sort-of-in-cheek. ‘’You bet he does. Yeah, definitely watching New Girl. Crying.’’ But while Peters seems fairly comfortable in the public eye, fame no longer interests him. The development is not unrelated to his intense, closely-watched relationship with fiancée and two-time costar Emma Roberts (on coven and in the 2013 ?? Adult World) ‘’When I was younger I was like, ‘’That would be awesome!’’ now I don’t particularly love it,’’ he says ‘’Emma gets paparazzi a lot, and because I’m with her we get paparazzi, so it’s kind of a weird thing that I don’t love. But it’s so small in the big picture of all the positives that come with this job that I can’t really complain about it.’’ he may be surprised by the attention he and Roberts receive, but he is hardly self-ptying. ‘’Honestly, it’s not that bad. If you don’t set up a Google alert on yourself and go out searching for it then you’re not going to see it. So I don’t see it.’’ Roberts has already endured the Hollywood learning curve that Peters is now experiencing. ‘’She gives me advice, like cut your hair. She likes my hair to look nice,’’ he says, and laughs. ‘’She’s been around and knows the ropes and how to play the game very well. And she has incredible social skills. She can talk to anyone and everyone loves talking to her. I’m not that good at that stuff so she kind of helps me out with that.’’ I wonder what guidance she offers him. ‘’You’ve just got to be personable and talk to people, even if you don’t want to. Put on a happy face and buck up. Grow a pair of balls. Don’t be a little wuss.’’ Petersa says, and laughs. ‘’I mean, she doesn’t say that, but you know what I mean.’’ 

Next for Peters is Lazarus, opposite Olivia Wilde, Donald Glover and Mark Duplass a 2015 feature from director David Gelb, known for the documentary Giro: Dreams of Sushi. Peters describes the project, about a team of brainiacs working magnanimously to reanimate the dead, as a “contained Sci-Fi horror thriller” as it mostly takes place in one laboratory setting. He plays the party animal scientist. Peters encouraging sidesteps the questions of his involvement in the next season of American Horror Story, to be set in 1950 and the present day, for which Jessica Lange is practicing a German accent. ‘’I don’t know what I’m allowed to say so I’m going to say no comment,’’ he says.

‘’At the end of the day it is acting. You want to go with the biggest, weirdest, boldest shit and see if you can actually do it and go there,’’ Peters concludes, ‘’I’m very curious about everything. I feel like I don’t know that much. I’m trying to learn it all and figure it all out.’’

[beedlemania]

In the 80s (when recording quality got better) Peter spends a week installing a really nice sound system in the pad even like crawling under the house to run wires from room to room. He rents an electrician’s book from the library and learns about electrical currents and pathways and how electricity and sound relate and how electricity turns sound waves into bigger sound waves with amps etc etc he connects their phonograph, cassette deck, and (eventually) their CD player and he gets a decent soundboard to control it all and he spends months talking about it and teaching Micky how to use the sound board to isolate the different instruments & vocals so he can make things sound the way he likes (Micky always complained about sound guys giving them a bad mix during shows) and teaching Mike how to use the synthesizer to play with his guitar noises so he can make things sound the way he wants them to in his head and Davy (who only learned to play the guitar and bass out of necessity) doesn’t really care too much about all the fancy stuff Peter hooked up which disappoints him because Peter likes when Davy is interested in his hyper fixations but when Davy is just chilling and Peter reveals the entertainment center (a shelf with their Phono, cassette player and “now playing” stand so they don’t have to ask what’s on, room for all their favorite albums where they’re easily accessible *and* Peter painted it so it fits the rest of their groovy décore) and Davy is like raving about it for days and Peter is all giddy about Davy bragging about him and then Micky points out the pad is decked out better than most night clubs and Davy gets the bright idea to turn their house into a nightclub and suddenly they’re all regretting giving Davy that idea because now they’re the hottest beachside night club of 1987 and every night they’re the house band for a night club and Davy starts getting other small local bands asking if they can audition to play at his night club and it all gets out of hand and they need to get a bouncer because their house can only hold so many people and have to start posting up club safety flyers and put up and anti drug policy because they start waking up to find people still zoned out on their couch and it all comes to a close when they get shut down because Davy didn’t get a permit to run a night club and the Miami news station runs a story on a “small British man running a night club out of his apartment” and “the night club of the summer getting shut down because they owner failed to register proper business permits” with clips of Davy standing pathetically next to Mike and very sadly saying “I didn’t know!” When being asked why he didn’t get a permit and then whenever they try to ask Peter questions he just starts info dumbing about sound waves and musical composition.

They still have people coming to their house thinking it’s a night club until the 90s. The main body of the club was queer young adults who thought the mostly 60s music the club played was cool and novel like it was some themed club and not just because the house band is the Monkees.

After they get shut down the sound system is still used by the TV and the music and all the other stuff they need a sound system for but it’s mostly used by Micky or Davy when they wanna do something they know Mike will complain about so they put on an album, turn it on really loud and then they just can’t hear Mike when he tells them to stop trying to explode the apartment!

Peter never stops trying to explain sound stuff to Davy. Davy never understands sound stuff he’s just glad Peter is having fun.

Oh my god I love this so much what the hell!!!!

All the guys are messing around with equipment to make cool new sounds they can use in their music and Davy’s just checking himself out in the nearest shiny surface.

Peters installing everything and Mike has to keep reminding him about safety gear, Micky has to help him wire some things (danger!!!) and Davy’s just handing him tools etc while filing his nails.

Davy starting a completely illegal scheme😭but hes still cute enough to get out of it so its okay! Mike does have to go lawyer mode for a bit though and the man is stressed

Peter explaining everything to Davy and Davy doesn’t understand a word so he just says it all back to peter wrong so he can explain it again. He just likes to hear Peter talk <3. Peters explained it about five times now (he doesn’t get bored because he’s super excited to tell Davy about it anyway) and Davy’s still clueless as when he started. Peter asks him to help with something and Davy’s just 🧍🏻head scratch

[karl-jensen]

My Deltarune Headcanons, Part One:

The interactions between Kris and their SOUL are similar to how Homer talks to his brain in The Simpsons, but amped up to 11 due to how the soul would be torn out of Kris’s body and placed in a birdcage. A conversation would go something like this:

Kris: Alright, SOUL. I don’t like you. We must work together to kick this Queen’s ass once and for all. If we fail, then you’re going back into the birdcage!

SOUL: IT’S A DEAL.

Another one of Kris’s interactions with their SOUL would be the decision on hugging Ralsei:

SOUL: Hug Ralsei, Hug Ralsei.

Kris: Do I have to?

SOUL: Do it.

* You hug Ralsei, but Kris feels something peculiar about hugging him.

Kris: This feeling… It’s like hugging Azzy…

SOUL: I know you miss him, buddy. Just think of Ralsei as your second brother.

Susie is a fan of Van Halen, and would air guitar many of Eddie’s solos in her free time.

Swatch speaks in a mixed accent of French and Belgian like Hercule Poirot.

Rouxls Kaard has a speech impediment where he would pronounce his ‘R’s’ as ‘W’s’ just like Elmer Fudd; He also sounds exactly like Pontius Pilate from Monty Python’s Life of Bwian. Here is an example on how he would sound like with the Speech Impediment:

Rouxls: I am Wouxls Kaawd, the Gweateste Puzzlemastuh the Dawk World hath evuh witnessedeth!

Tasque Manager has OCD due to her thing with organizing things. Aside from that, she also has an interest in Zoology and proposes to Queen to open a research center for Animals… as well as a Zoo.

Spamton used to be an Auctioneer and would talk really fast when auctioning things.

Pizzapants’s real name is Felix T. Garfield.

The book that Toriel reads in the end of Chapter 2 is Murder on the Orient Express.

[interrogatormentors]

INTERLUDE 2: a king, a lord (an emperor, a god)

Sometimes, Eridan would lay in his cupe and he'd stare at the ceiling. He'd think about the things he'd been pushing away for so long.

He'd think about late morning chats with Karkat. He'd think about orphaner duties with Feferi. He'd think about his occasional lamentations with Kanaya (and the fact that he kept losing her name in the haze was both terrifying and comforting).

He'd think about his archives back on Alternia. He'd think about his hive, his lusus.

He wondered if the old skyhorse had moved on, already. If the ruins of his hive were repurposed. If the books had been pilfered. He wondered if the new inheritor cared as much as he once had about the knowledge he'd so carefully cultivated.

He wished, in a small way, that he was back there. Back then. When times were simpler, when his mind actually worked, when things made sense. He kept losing time. He kept losing himself.

But really, who was he anymore? Was he really anything before Her? His beloved Mistress. His reason to keep going. She was everything.

Thinking about this was always the worst. He shuffled out of his cupe, sighing as he went to shower instead. Once appropriately and impeccably groomed to the nines as was expected of him he made his way out of his blocks, taking his time to walk through the halls.

The lights, the sights, the stars, they never ceased to dazzle, nowadays.

Eridan felt like he was the center of the universe, for all intents and purposes. It made him feel warm and fuzzy in ways that he couldn't begin to describe, the things he had deserved all his life finally being given to him as he justly deserved.

He was a fucking marvel, a gift to the Empire.

(She laughed more genuinely, She smiled more pleasantly when he wasn't sober, so he'd do whatever it took to keep Her happy. That was all he was worth, after all.)

He fished out his flask again. He took a long swig from it and then wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, letting the sting of the alcohol on the back of his tongue ground him. A notification pinged on his palmhusk and he pulled that out from his pocket, brows rising as he saw the notification. His presence was required on the HBC Condescension, with the DC Reichenbach having already been given instructions to land in the docking bay.

He approached the massive pressurized doors in the loading bay, tapping his feet impatiently.

"Dock," he snapped out, eye twitching with the pang in his temple. God damn it. Not now.

"Dooooock? What's the magic word, Amps?"

"Shakes, none'a this runt grub nonsense outta you. I got summons. Dock." At least this request wasn't horribly fraught with time sensitivity. He hammered at the button nonetheless, annoyed.

"Ughhhhhhh you're no fun anymore. Fine. I'm docking, dude, just chill." The snotty fucking helmsman devolved into grumbling that Eridan couldn't possibly retain care less about retaining. There was more important information he needed to keep track of.

"I don't need to be fun, I need to be good at my job, maybe you should try it one night," Eridan snapped back. He ignored the mock offended gasp from Shakes as he stepped out of the ship, staring up at the docking bay of the HBC Condescension . It was a familiar sight at this point, almost comforting even if it felt too big to fit sometimes.

He slowed as he saw another figure coming straight towards him. He recognized the outfit, decorated with Head Admin certification badges as well as medals and pins that spoke of countless experience and demanded respect. The figure was a seadweller, significantly older than him with age-darkened skin, grey hair and a sharp-cut beard, so he reflexively saluted. It was still strange to receive the respectful gesture in return, but it was slowly becoming less jarring and more expected of his station.

"Head Admin Ashvar Zysgin," Eridan greeted coolly.

"Head Admin Eridan Ampora," Ashvar replied in an equal formal tone, looking down his nose at the smaller seadweller. "The Empress filed for your temporary transfer to assist in Head Admin duties for the next two perigees."

"My what?"

Eridan stared blankly at Ashvar, as if expecting to be hearing things. He was clearly not, though, as the silence stretched on before Ashvar clucked his tongue in annoyance.

"You were supposed to be sent notice." The tone of voice was distasteful, and it made Eridan's blood boil. True to his conditioning education under the Empress, Eridan didn't respond aside from straightening his back, annoyance clear on his face. No stress. No panic. He had to be better. Do not let emotions rule your head. Turn it off.

"I was only sent notice of summons," Eridan said slowly. "It seems a miscommunication occurred."

Ashvar's lip curled. "Clearly." He turned his nose up, clearly annoyed. "Can't trust shitbloods to do anything these nights."

"Clearly," Eridan agreed simply, keeping it short and concise. This one seemed to be far more old fashioned.

"In any case, there is no sense in dallying. I was informed that my duties for the night were to get you caught up. The crew of the Reichenbach will supplement the crew of the Condescension for the next incursion; it's a colony expansion. Captain Nekara will manage orders ship-side, to ensure our magnificent Empress can focus on her glorious conquest as necessary. Consider it an honor, Consort, that she is putting her trust in your capabilities."

He was quite proud of himself for maintaining the calm, casual air that he was meant to carry, even as he preened at the attention and the reverential title of Consort. "Understood, sir. Ever may She reign."

Some of the tension eased as Ashvar clearly approved of the appropriate deference. Good. One step done correctly.

—

Managing a ship as massive as the Condescension was one that took several admins, Ashvar explained as they walked. Eridan kept his eyes focused out as he listened to the senior Admin, taking stock of the surroundings. The interior arrangement of the ship always made it felt more like a mobile city than a ship, in his opinion, but it was fascinating to see. The changes made throughout trollkind history were obvious. Despite having been in the ship multiple times, it never ceased to enthrall him.

Now a bit of that wonder was occupied fiercely by the route memorization he was fiercely committed to as it was explained to him. The maintenance sector was manned by Sector Admin Talawa —and wow, Sector Admin! A whole subset of admins for each corner of the gargantuan ship! It wasn't something taught in schoolfeeding, that's for sure— while the sector by that was engine technology, under Sector Admin Elagya. The culinary sector, responsible for maintaining the meal hall and providing for the fleet, was overseen by Sector Admin Uareon, and the armory was manned by Sector Admin Julien. The mediculling unit was managed by Sector Admin Isopre, and Sector Admin Daunus was in charge of personnel.

He was glad he was recording all the discussions dutifully. He'd upload them to his pandrive later.

"I've called for all the sector admins to meet," Ashvar droned on, gesturing grandiosely, "so they can meet with you and understand that you'll be filling in with... who was the junior admin on your ship again?"

"Ysseol Holkaf," replied Eridan. Ashvar seemed to take Eridan's presence in stride, and there was actual hope that maybe Eridan would find himself fitting in here, better than the rapidly alienating presence he held on the Reichenbach.

Meeting the sector admins unfortunately coincided perfectly with running into someone else. Someone rather unexpected that would blow all those hopes out of the water. 

The admins that had gathered were all stiff at attention, and even Ashvar was taken aback at the towering presence of the Empress where She sat, waiting for them all in the meeting block. Her massive mane of hair easily took up a huge portion of the block, let alone Her horns. She smiled coolly, eyes narrowing in amusement.

Eridan stepped forward immediately as She stood.

"Mistress," he breathed out, taking a knee and bowing deeply, hand over his pusher and other tucked behind his back. Perfectly executed, as She'd taught him. He opened his eyes after waiting the requisite three seconds to see that She had closed the gap, holding Her hand out with Her wrist facing him.

Oh, truly, what an honor. He leaned in and pressed his lips reverently to Her pulse, and he relaxed as he felt Her claws curl around his jaw.

"Stand, guppy," She said coolly, and he did so at Her command, hands now tucked behind his back. "Good buoy. You're in charge."

Eridan froze. Ashvar followed suit. "...My Empress?" Ashvar asked, dimly confused. The other admins, loathing the risk of being singled out, all stayed eerily quiet in the block as it seemed to instantly grow more suffocating.

"Did I stutter, Head Admin?" She asked, coldly. "He's shrimpressed me. You whale do as he says. He has no otter will than mine . For this incursion, I trust no otter."

Eridan bowed his head numbly, eyes shut in reverence to Her judgment. He felt fit to explode.

"And, Eridan," he stopped breathing as he heard his name on Her lips, looking up in wonder at his dear, beloved Empress, "you'll come to my personal blocks after shift's end. Understood?"

"Yes, Mistress," he murmured, awestruck. "Glory be. May your reign be eternal."

There was a playful spark to Her eyes that hid vicious satisfaction, cruel amusement that he wanted to see more of. So caught up was he, that he missed the reviled rage thinly hidden behind Ashvar's eyes.

As She took Her leave, he watched Her go, taken by Her presence as he always was. He was rudely shocked back to himself with a firm, sharp clearing of the throat. Turning on his heel, he saw Ashvar, looking less calm and collected than he had been prior.

"I will not fail," Eridan said firmly, straightening his back. "Introductions, then. If we're goin' to be workin' together for the next incursion, we ought to know each other. Head Admin of the DC Reichenbach, Imperial Consort to the Empress, Eridan Ampora."

He learned more than a few names in the brief meeting that followed. The spindly, long-haired cerulean that looked down his glasses at Eridan with derision was Quetus Isopre, and the stocky, burly purple that stood by his side was Baldur Daunus, his brow set in a wrinkled scowl. Fidice Julien was a buff butch blueblood with a sharp military haircut, a gnarly scar over the right side of her face that took her eye with it, a broad chest and a mean grin that didn't reach her eyes. Vigare Uareon was another seadweller, not as old as Ashvar but not the youngest of the group, hair tied back in a clean ponytail. Asavra Elagya was a tealblood, the lowest blood of the admins and the shortest with a bush of hair and large, thick rimmed glasses, while Toptan Talawa was another purple with subjugglator-style face paint, and seemed the youngest of them all. He'd have to pull their files to know for certain.

Another thing that Eridan learned, with a sinking feeling he carefully hid, was that none of them were particularly excited at the sudden shift in power.

—

When Eridan reported to the Condesce's private blocks as instructed, he expected everything to go as it always did when She summoned him to Her chambers. Casual chatting about the state of the Empire, some quips thrown in by Psii, Her best alcohol with that horrible powder served in his glass, and everything to go hazy and foggy as She did whatever She so pleased took care of him in a way he'd likely never truly earn the right to claim. He certainly wasn't about to question anything She did to him so graciously gave him in the way of attention.

And that it was. He would never deny how much he adored these quiet moments that only he was so blessed to be privy to. Even if remembering everything that happened wasn't exactly an option...

As usual, Eridan came back to himself tucked away in the Empress's embrace, feeling sore all over and finding it hard to breathe, everything between his knees and stomach feeling raw. He blinked slowly, tucking himself up against Her as She played with his hair, claws curling around his horns. They ached as She did this, but he couldn't react, he'd learned. He needed Her touch more than he needed air.

"One night, if you keep up your current performance," She murmured into the skin of his neck like a kiss, cool, plump lips skimming over tattered gills, "this will be yours. Zysgin's on in his sweeps. I won't have need of him soon enough. A lame troll is of no use to me."

He swallowed. "Such faith in my ability, I could never ask for more, Mistress," he replied hoarsely. His throat ached. He wondered if She'd had him screaming. He didn't really need to know.

"I know you'll be a wonderful extension of my will, guppy," She crooned.

He let out a happy little hum, curling further against Her, simply basking in the attention and the affection, listening to Her breathe. He didn't say a word as Her hand began to wander over his skin again. It didn't matter what he wanted, after all.

He just did as She wanted.

—

The next evening began bright and early. He woke up alone in Her chambers, unsurprising but still disappointing. His pan pounded as usual, displeased with him for falling asleep without being in sopor. Unfortunately, he always fell asleep like this after late mornings spent in Her chambers, and so it was a reality he'd just have to deal with.

Arming himself with his flask, taking a quick shower before dressing himself up as normal, he took his leave from the blocks.

His first stop... personnel. That'd be the biggest doozie, considering how he was certain the sector admin had to speak to each of the division heads on board for morale, health and livelihood reports. It was guaranteed to be the biggest headache possible. Laughsassins, threshecutioners, cavalreapers, ruffiannihilators, interrogatormentors (he shuddered, bile in the back of his throat), subjugglators—well, they all had force deployments here on the HBC Condescension. This was the forward ship for all military campaigns, after all, the stuff of legends. He was excited to read into the stuff.

He was less than enthused when he arrived to see no sign of Baldur. He frowned. The purple should be here somewhere. Where the fuck was he? Something itched in his pan; he sought another swig from his flask.

Wasting too much time trying to find him, at least Eridan actually found him. He saw the jackass brawling with the head of the ruffianihilator squad, which most certainly wasn't part of his duties.

"Admin Daunus!" Eridan barked, bewildered and taken aback. "Where's your report?"

"Somewhere else, shortstack," Baldur snarled in reply, "don't fucking interrupt me."

"The— this is your fucking job!" he snapped, completely blindsided by the sheer disrespect. The other ruffiannihilators all laughed, and Eridan burned in a rage, lip curling as he sneered down the whole lot of them.

"Just like your ancestor, aren't you? Complete stick in the mud. That can get your pail kicked, chumbucket," a purple ruffiannihilator called out. Eridan's eyes narrowed, incensed by the sheer disrespect he was being afforded.

"Show some fuckin' respect, you're talkin' to the acting head admin of the HBC Condescension on Her Imperious Condescension's illustrious order, cannon fodder."

The expression on her face fell into severe unease at this revelation. A subtle glance she gave to Baldur was all Eridan needed to know; the other admin had rigged this interaction.

He turned his ire on the larger purple. "Report, sector admin. That's an order and I am done tolerating your disrespect."

The dry amusement drained off Baldur's face, leaving only annoyance behind as he flipped the ruffiannihilator he was sparring over. "Left it with the threshecutioners, Head Admin," he drawled, and the title felt like an insult.

He bared his teeth and turned off. The report he ultimately found was dismal; damaged and barebones, barely legible and an insult to administrative work as Eridan prided himself on conducting. God. Fucking. Damn it.

—

Next admin... okay. Surely, it couldn't go as bad as Baldur's sector. He hated the smell of antiseptic, of course, and he'd been in this area more times than he'd like (the sight of his horn being removed, the tendrils in his pan crawled and writhed and hurt and hurt and hurt and—) but reports were reports and things needed done. The rota needed to be established, and Eridan was hopeful that Quetus would keep notes as diligently as he appeared to from a glance.

Instead, Quetus was doing something completely unrelated. No reports were prepared for him. After stocking something that most certainly was not his job, he looked over slowly, taking his sweet time to acknowledge Eridan who had been standing there for the past ten minutes.

"Do you know about Orphaner Dualscar?"

Eridan blinked. He glanced over, confused at the line of questioning. He tilted his head, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Quetus looked over to him, eyes crinkling in vicious amusement. "Did you know he died a disgrace? Pathetic and washed out, culled by the Grand Highblood?"

His mouth went dry. His eyes narrowed. "Hell are you implyin', Admin Isopre?"

"Watch your step, pupa," Quetus merely said, turning off. Eridan struggled to comprehend what the hell that was supposed to mean, insulted at the way his rank was so casually disregarded .

"Oi!" he called out, frustrated and annoyed. "Where the fuck's your report!?"

"The table," came the infuriatingly vague reply. The way the docterrors and assistants all looked at him, knowing full well who he was and what procedure had been done to him in this very hall incensed him more, and he frustratedly scoured the goddamn block until he found the stupid fucking manila folder. Much like Baldur's report, he realized in quiet dismay, it wasn't worth jack shit. But he was now running late and low on time. He couldn't afford to redo this shit. He needed to keep going.

—

Once was strange. Twice was a trend, and Eridan wished it wasn't so. Because the third time was simply enough to piss him off, which sustained as he merely continued floundering about, unable to get a purchase with any of the sector admins.

He couldn't get a single goddamn report delivered correctly. Each sector was either missing its admin, or experienced its admin doing things they had no business doing. Fidice was outright neglecting the job to drink and play poker with the guards! Come on! She didn't even need soporifics to keep functioning! 

The packet that he ultimately ended up with was disgraceful, a great lump of barely legible shit that didn't get any of the required details a report should have.

He was losing his mind. And by the end of the night, he was summoned by his Mistress. He arrived at Her throne, lowering himself in a prostrate bow and horrified at the fact that he had nothing to show but substandard, cobbled together reports.

He was incensed to see Ashvar showing up with a much nicer looking report folder. He realized at that moment that he'd been duped . And as Ashvar handed off the report to his Mistress, Her expression held only disapproval that cut him far more to the core than anything else She could have possibly done in that moment.

"Oh, guppy," She said softly, disappointed, "I'm gonna have to prawnish you today."

Eridan's shoulders stiffened, panic flickering over his face. "Mistress, I, I swear I—"

"Shhhh. No excuses, buoy. You're bein' two shrimpulsive. What are you?"

Eridan felt humiliated, for Her to bring this up now while the saboteur responsible for this daymare was in the same fucking block? "P-please, Mistress—"

Her tone grew colder. "What are you?"

Eridan squeezed his eyes shut, shame rising up. Don't cry. She would hate that more than anything in the world, at this moment. "...a failure."

"Good buoy. To my private blocks."

The taste in the back of Eridan's mouth was sour as he looked down at his feet. "Yes, Mistress," he croaked quietly. He could feel smugness radiating off that grandiose piece of shit, but he couldn't afford to feel rage in that moment. He wouldn't give the fucker the satisfaction. 

He had to accept his punishment.

—

His throat was sore the next evening. Everything hurt, bruises covering him under his uniform as a reminder of his incompetence. Moving was a misery in and of itself, but he knew he'd deserved it. It wasn't like he could say anything against Her, after all (the heretical audacity of the mere thought gave him anxiety), so he simply sucked it up, showered, and with a thundering pan, he went off to start his rota for the night.

"Hey, Amps!"

He snarled in annoyance, pinching his brow as he turned his attention to the usual troublemakers from his crew. "What?" he asked, sharply, "I'm busy."

Shakes squinted at him and let out a low whistle. "Jeez. What crawled up your nook and died?"

The acrid glare that Shakes got in return had him holding up his hands. "Okay, okay, bad line of convo. Something up, dude?"

"Head Admin Ampora, and no, I'm—I'm fine. Just. Just stop distractin' me, I have reports to get!"

He turned off, paying no further mind to his ship's helmsman. He didn't even pause to wonder why the guy was out and about, considering how outright hostile a lot of people on the HBC Condescension were to lowbloods and, in particular, mobile helmsmen. Traditionalist fucknuts, the whole lot of them.

It's not like it mattered to him, anyways. He had more pressing matters to attend to.

Any hopes he'd had of the first night being a fluke were firmly dashed. The second night went just as poorly, this time overrun by the fact that he tried to do all their reports for them. This took too much time for one troll to do, for the ship was simply so massive that it was impossible to get the work done in a single night. He showed up that night with half the packet clearly done by him alone, and the other half still the same, low tier work. Ashvar, again, showed up with a comprehensive report.

Eridan was once again ordered for punishment.

The punishment that morning was immediately soured by Ashvar intercepting him after they were both dismissed, as Eridan was making his way to Her chambers. The other seadweller had simply smiled, a hand placing on his shoulder, claws threateningly tight against his uniform;

"You know, it's not as if this is unexpected," Ashvar said. "Your ancestor was a disgrace to the empire as well. Vying for something he had no business vying for. You could simply admit to the Empress that you're not cut out for this work, pupa, surely she would allow you to take second position."

Eridan yanked his arm away from Ashvar, not deigning to give him a response. "I have my orders," he simply said, making his way to her blocks again.

How the fuck did this spawn of a bitch know anything about Dualscar?

—

Night three didn't go any better. Supplementing the holes in their shit reports rather than rewriting the shit from scratch didn't work when Elagya simply lied on her report, coming up with bullshit that didn't match the report she'd given to Ashvar. Collapsing on the job didn't help matters, either.

This time he remembered screaming until his throat gave out. Forget it forget it cast it aside. Don't think about it. Just shut down. Keep going. You have to keep going.

God, he was so tired. And, of course, because he was actively being punished, his pathetic plea to see Psii for a moment of relief was immediately and firmly denied.

"You need to do betta for that, guppy," She'd told him.

God, he wanted to cry.

Turn off. Turn it all off. Focus on the work.

—

Alright. No more relying on their reports. He just had to get up earlier. He just had to work harder. He just...

...who was he kidding? Another night, another sinking feeling that he wasn't going to survive to the end of the week. Three nights of failure leading into three days of consecutive punishment and sopor denial was starting to wreak havoc on him. He couldn't afford the time needed to cover up the deep, heavy bags under his eyes, punched in with restless, worthless sleep. He should honestly have just worked through the day, once She was done with him.

Even still, he got up early. He showed up to personnel before Baldur was even conscious, ignoring the annoyance at the troop heads at being bothered before the shift alarm had even gone off, and got the data he needed. He had mediculling's reports written up as well and was walking and sorting through his list of what needed getting, pan going a mile a minute to meticulously micromanage his timing when something changed in his fortunes.

Eridan groaned, scrubbing at his temples, but took pause as he saw a figure approach. Teal on her uniform, expression carefully controlled, he recognized her, first by the shift in her gender-presenting pheromones.

"Admin Holkaf," he said slowly, tucking the still burning anger and betrayal (and hurt so much hurt what had he done to deserve her betrayal, he tried so hard to be an admin worth respecting on that thankless ship) deep in his pusher until he never had to think about it again. Ysseol saluted, and he noticed something in her hands.

"...reports I gathered, sir," she said quietly. "From the armory and culinary sectors."

His brows shot up, genuinely taken aback for a moment. He slowly took the folder and opened it.

He recognized this handwriting. This wasn't Ysseol's, but he wasn't about to bring it up. The second report, of course, had her neat handwriting in it, but the first one... well, that was Spoons. 

What the fuck was a helming tech that had no reason to like him anymore doing, preparing a report? But as he read it over, it was a breath of fresh air that twinged his sore, aching lungs. This was comprehensive. This was excellent work. If her blood had been a couple shades higher, he'd always thought, she'd make an excellent admin. Now he was wondering if that long-standing rule should be twisted for her, but... well. By now, he knows her. She would hate the kind of work that came with administrative tiers. She liked working with her hands, staying busy—

— Why did any of this matter, guppy?

The thought, sounding eerily like Her voice, shook him out of his mystified reverie. He took a slow breath.

"Good work."

Ysseol tilted her head back subtly. He ignored the look on her face. "Of course, sir," she said quietly. "Do you still have additional sectors needing to be gathered?"

Eridan felt a sting in his thoracic cavity; doubt, anxiety. What if she was plotting against him too? The admin crew of the HBC Condescension saw no desire to step back and let him have an easier time of things by any means. She'd already betrayed him, once. Spoons had all the more reason to see him burn, after what he'd done to Bricks he didn't remember he didn't remember why didn't he remember? Wouldn't he have remembered? Wouldn't he—

He took in a slow breath. "No," he lied, and he turned away.

Despite the hustle and the tireless struggle, he ultimately managed to get the rest of the reports. He felt a mix of annoyance and gratefulness when he saw a familiar teal-written folder waiting for him at the entrance of the engine technology sector that he viciously smothered, knowing full-well that he needed a better poker-face. He took the report anyways. He'd arrange for Ysseol to have a night off when the DC Reichenbach was on its merry way, after this horrid shit-show was said and done.

Night four was the first night that ended in his position as acting Head Admin where he didn't get pushed by Her. Ashvar looked fit to spit nails. Eridan did not give him the satisfaction of a response as he was pulled into Her lap and postured like a lap-fitted woofbeast spoiled rotten as his station deserved. 

He simply stared, blankly, turning his mind off and letting Her do as She pleased. 

As he was made to do.

—

It came to a head when, by the end of the week, Eridan was run ragged and exhausted, beyond annoyed. Ysseol and Spoons continued to pitch in when they can (he ignored the report that looked like Bricks's handwriting, pushed that far back in his pan until he'd forgotten who that handwriting belonged to) and his workload became slightly easier. But it wasn't ever supposed to be like this.

He would never complain about his crew on the Reichenbach again, he swore, because if this was how his beloved Mistress's people ran her ship, he felt so, so sorry for Her. Never before had he understood Her troubles more than in this moment, with sheer incompetents sullying Her illustrious name with their panrotted drivel.

His mind made up, he called a meeting to discuss the problems he was seeing. He arrived at the room with the pathetic excuses of reports he'd had to hand the Empress sorted (because yes, he'd been told that he had to keep them, read them over, and solve the issue, of course he had).

He also came with a lighter.

So he waited, there, for the meeting to start. This would hopefully clear the air between them. Just a proper meeting, where he set the groundwork for how their relationship was going to be from here on out.

.....a meeting where no one fucking showed up.

Eridan took a deep breath. He let the breath out. Turn them off. Turn your emotions off. Do not let your emotions rule your head.

"...Psii," Eridan said, lowly, hands splayed across the table, the results of the disastrous week scattered across as much as they well deserved. "You're not too busy at the moment, are you? Could you do me a favour?"

"You know the answer to that question, but I can multitask for you. State your request."

Eridan closed his eyes, breathing again. Slow. Measured.

"The sector admins have elected to not show themselves at a meeting I specifically called. Nor has your head admin. Find them."

Not even a second passed before the Helmsman was rattling off locations. "Admin Daunus is napping. Admin Isopre has invented a maintenance request and is currently meandering through a supply closet. Said supply closet is on deck seven. Admin Fidice is carving the ice for her soporific. Admin Elagya is in a tepid excuse of a hot tub with Admin Talawa and Admin Uareon. Head Admin Zysgin is finalizing routes through the next system. All alerts for the meeting have been snoozed manually in their systems and thus I had no authority to reinstate them nor alert you."

Eridan closed his eyes. "In my position as acting Head Admin of the HBC Condescension, and as the Imperial Consort of the Empress, this is my order. Make them come."

"Would you prefer promptly, or humbled?" There was something like amusement on the edge of the Helmsman's voice, despite the deadpan death-rattle he always spoke with over intercoms.

Eridan smiled slowly, each tooth bared straight to the gum. "Humble them, my dearest diamond. Show them what happens when they disrespect the will of our Mistress."

"Understood. The query was a formality. Your poker face still needs work, Eridan. This request has been deleted from the Imperial Network and shall commence shortly."

Eridan let out a mirthless laugh. "Let me have my fun, snowflake. For now, I'll wait."

There was a scratchy exhale that had an echo of a laugh to it that trailed into a cough, and then the intercom went silent.

Eridan sat and waited, patiently. He flicked the lid of the lighter on and off, feet kicked up on the table. He would outlast them, after everything they'd put him through. It took half an hour before the scumfuckers finally showed up, all of them irritated and annoyed and clearly displeased at the methods visited upon them. He would have to ask Psii for recordings of the merriment later, if only to observe the best ways to get under these dipshits skins.

"How highly immature of you," Ashvar sniffed indignantly. "You would set the Helmsman, an important tool to the Empress, on us? And for what? Because you're unhappy?"

"Object lesson, Ashvar," Eridan said slowly, flicking the lighter on. He stood slowly, eyes flicking slowly, purposely down to the meeting table. "This is the work you all presented me in this past week."

He touched the lighter to the surface of the table. The table which had been cleanly drenched with ignition fluid, and thus lit up like a trash fire. Which, truly, it was.

"I am disgusted with your conduct," he said, calmly, in the midst of their shouts of alarm. "You hem and haw about immaturity, and yet in your illustrious tenure, you present me with trash. I would expect this out of wigglers. I would expect this out of unorganized rebel scum." His eyes glared into each of the admins eyes, all of them appalled at the way the table between them all burned. "Is this how you respect our wonderful, radiant Empress? Undermining the sanctity of Her well oiled machine, when we're gearin' up for a new colony?"

"You set a fucking meeting block on fire! Are you fucking insane?!" Vigare yelled, eyes wide. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Eridan placed his hand on the table. The flames licked around his fingers, around his rings, and they all stared, put into an immediate hush. "What's wrong with me? Me? My problem is that I'm surrounded by incompetent fools who have grown complacent and resistant to change. There's a new Head Admin in the picture at a critical juncture, one who holds the Empress's confidence more than any of you remora ever fuckin' have." He pulled his hand slowly back, wiggling his fingers. He could barely feel the angry blistering of his hand where the rings grew hot. He'd had worse.

"Do you think I'm some sort of yellow-bellied weaklin'? That I wouldn't catch on to your game? 'Cause I was on it from night one. Your Head Admin, I'm afraid, is not subtle in the slightest. So if you think I'm stupid, naive, well, you are sadly fuckin' mistaken."

He rounded the table and approached them, nose turned up in the air, eyes narrowed to slits. "You know, I know intimately well how to dismember corpses. I was an Orphaner in my youth, much like a certain undeservin' whisper of an alleged ancestor you shitpans keep tryin' to foist on my person. So it should come as no surprise to hear when I tell you that once you have a skeleton, yer wretched meatsack follows a pattern. Doesn' matter if you're a troll, or a lusus. You've got joints. Those can be broken, easy. Claws? Those can peel off much easier than you'd think. Muscle fibers need the right angle, but they'll tear, even with a blunt instrument. With the right technique, nothin' lasts."

There was a sharp sound, and Eridan reeled for a moment, blinking slowly as he felt dull pain spread through his face. He looked slowly to see Ashvar, violet in the face and enraged, his teeth pulled back in a snarl.

"How dare you," the other Head Admin snarled. "You miserable little brat. Barely out of your fresh molt, and an accident has convinced you you're worth something? When such a critically important assignment looms over us as a guillotine? You should have accepted your failure on that first night and conceded that you were ill-equipped to handle this task."

"You raised your hand to the Imperial Consort," Eridan commented, eyes dragging up to the intercoms. The casual threat only incensed the usually composed seadweller.

"You're nothing," Ashvar roared, grabbing Eridan by the lapels, the fuchsia of his consort cape bunched under his undeserving grubby claws. "Nothing but a little runt clawing at the worthless legacy of a disgraced Orphaner who died in pathetic misery! Even she thinks you're nothing, she tore your ear off, left you mutilated— marked you a wretched little slave! I owned dozens of you in the prime of the Empire, hundreds of sweeps before you were even spat out of the mother grub's brooding sphincter!"

Eridan snarled. He lashed out, but without claws to dig in, he could only grab Ashvar's throat and squeeze. The man threw him aside, laughing, and he slammed into the wall. He collected himself quickly, pushing himself up to his feet as he glared over furiously, eyes narrowed to slits. "You're a declawed, defanged little plaything pacified by a crippling dependence on soporifics that she's winding up to watch break! You–" Eridan was kicked in the side with a sharp bite of pain that he dared not voice, "–are–" another kick, another bloom of pain, more unvoiced rage, "–nothing!"

The admins laughed in amusement. The laughter circled in his aching, roaring pan, twisting the band of sanity tauter and tauter until it finally snapped in a moment of pain, humiliation, and cold, nauseating fury.  

The red overcame him.

Last longer. Punch harder. Tear flesh and scales apart with your teeth. Be every bit the monster that people think you are. But do not let emotions rule your head.

Do not let emotions rule your head.

DO NOT LET EMOTIONS RULE Y

Eridan sucked in a slow breath as his vision cleared. He was sore. He was tired. He was panting for air, gills burning, teeth bared to the gums. The table was slammed into the wall, cracked clean in two, the charred remains of shit reports scattered uselessly and soaked in violet.

He could taste iron and flesh in his mouth, and he blinked slowly, staring blankly down at the fallen limb in front of him. He could see it was impaled in multiple parts, and he noted that tacky coldness was dripping slowly down his horns. Fingers were missing off the hand, and he saw shredded remains of them scattered around in a barbaric bloodbath.

Ashvar was down on the ground, dry-heaving from the pain. His only hand with what fingers remained clung at the jagged stump of his arm. Eridan moved forward, slowly, boots squishing on the tacky violet blood that stained the pristine floors of his Mistress's ship.

He placed his boot on the stump, and shoved the older seadweller down without remorse.

The resulting shriek made his fins ring, dimmer in the slave-cut fin. He ignored it. He only felt cold anger, slowly drenched in the arctic waters that filled his lungs.

"Crawl," Eridan said, frigid. "Crawl to the fuckin' medbay and pray to the good will of our Illustrious Empress that the Docterror on duty won't turn you away for bein' a dumb sack of shit waste of genetic material. And th' next time you think of somethin' smart, watch your tongue or I'll rip it out of your withered sack of meat, you panrotted hasbeen. I am the Imperial Consort of the Empress, executor of Her will, extension of Her radiant, everlasting splendour. I can and will always rank above you, and lip service will earn you a visit from the drones, if you're lucky enough to miss disciplinary action from the Imperial Network." His eyes rose slowly, needling each of the other admins purposefully.

No one was laughing at him anymore.

"Ashvar Zysgin is an example," he continued. The rage he felt was drained out of him entirely; only cold remained. "If any of you have any complaints, by all means, come forward. We'll settle this the old fashioned way. I don't need any'a you dead-weight swill to get this job done. I've already made that painfully clear."

None dared to move. He wondered, dimly, what he'd done to earn the looks on their faces. He decided that, having seen the aftermath, he didn't actually care.

"Good. So you understand," he said softly, "that if you ever, ever disrespect me or mention the Orphaner Dualscar to my face again, you will not survive your next breath."

Everything felt cold, so fucking cold. He didn't think he could feel cold like this. They kept shooting glances at each other, and he couldn't make out the details, the aura in his eyes unbearable. The silence burned colder in his throat.

"I expect an answer out of you, bottom-feeders. Are. We. Clear?"

Uareon stumbled forward, clearly ousted into the speaking role by her co-conspirators. She immediately shrank back, nauseated and pale as death as she looked down at the sobbing mess that was once a tenured Head Admin. "...crystal, Head Admin Ampora, sir. This will not happen again, sir. A thousand apologies for the disrespect, sir. Your will be done, sir."

He saluted automatically, demanding respect as they responded in kind with the additional deferential tilts of the head to expose their necks. He felt cold, cold, colder than ice as he turned on his heel. He saw Nekara at the door of the meeting block. He couldn't make out the expression she wore. The aura he saw was overwhelming. He needed relief a drink.

"Captain Fyrane," he said, coldly, the only acknowledgement he offered as he passed her out the door.

There was only one person he needed to respect anymore. Only one person he could trust. He'd tried, he'd tried so hard so fucking hard, but realized in futility that he would never belong anywhere. He only belonged in one place in the whole cruel, unfeeling world, and it was a place he'd never leave. 

He understood now, understood why She ruled through fear, understood why none dared cross Her, and he felt pity for Her. To be so alone in the universe, with no one to understand Her... what a sad, lonely existence.

But he was there. And he would let Her do anything to him. Because he was so, so desperately flushed for Her.

And as he saw Her standing further behind the gruesome scene, simply watching, judging, and waiting, saw the vicious approval, the too wide smile, the amusement at Her toys playing approval and pity and affection on Her face, he stopped before Her.

He bowed, followed the cues he'd learned so well, and finally received the pleasure of kissing the palm of Her hand with all the tenderness he could possibly muster in the universe. Violet blood and bits of gore smeared in his wake. She smiled wider, deeply amused by his grand show.

He felt nothing at all.

(Somewhere else, choked out and unheard through a suffocating web of necrotic wire, someone sang a funeral dirge for the person he used to be.)

[myloveforhergoeson]

That's All She Wrote - Chapter 29

Chapter Index

Find me on wattpad + ao3!

Chapter 29: Sick, Sick, Sick (2.8) ~ 15k

“Dawgs! You’ve come a long way…” 

Roxy certainly hadn’t missed the grating tone of Gustavo’s voice over their long winter vacation, but now, it was time to snap back into reality. While Minnesota had been fun, and the five had the chance to masquerade as semi-normal teenagers for a bit, their first day back in Los Angeles was shaping up to be a long, hard work day. 

Back in the studio, Gustavo had the band standing in his preferred military-style line-up, while Roxy and Kelly hung off to the side.

“...But you have a longer way to go before you go multiplatinum and start selling out 50,000-seat stadiums.”

Just the thought of it made Roxy bounce on her heels in anticipation. A song of mine going multiplatinum… 

“James is still too self-centered,” The man spat, standing in front of her boyfriend, who was, for some reason, wearing a white and blue-ringed t-shirt with a picture of himself on the front. Though she thought it was cute, and she’d likely steal it later, she could understand where her boss was coming from. The tall boy tilted his head, looking past Gustavo and giving his girlfriend a small wave. “And too Roxanne-centered.” 

From his back pocket, the singer produced a large hand mirror and his black lucky comb. As he pulled his hand up to brush it through his hair, checking himself out in the reflection, Roxy could see the bracelet she’d made him circling his wrist. In return, her fingers traced over the matching one she wore as he spoke to his reflection, “James and I still disagree.”

“I think he could stand to be more Roxanne-centered,” The writer piped up, shooting a wink back at the boy as Gustavo turned to glare at her.

“Roxanne needs to stop enabling the four of you!” He growled, before returning down the line and sharing “Carlos still lacks direction!” before the assistant could get a word in edgewise.

To his credit, Carlos was standing with his back fully turned to everyone else in the room, but only because he was admiring the large speakers in the back of the studio. “I do not!”

“Turn around,” His producer demanded, and Carlos executed a perfect 360-degree cross-spin-pose, ending right back in his stance toward the back wall from before. 

Gustavo blinked, everyone in the room holding their breath before he silently shook his head and moved down the line once more. “Logan still lacks swagger!”

Smiling, Logan took his words in stride as he pushed the flap of his cardigan aside and revealed a pocket protector sticking out of his button-up underneath. From there, he produced one of the many writing utensils it held and offered it to his boss. “Yes… But if you ever need a colored pencil, who you gonna call?”

Accepting it, Gustavo snapped the red pencil right in Logan’s face, dropping it on the hardwood floor wordlessly before reaching the last boy in line. “And Kendall needs to stop talking back to me after everything I say!”

“And Gustavo needs to take-” Kendall bit back, before his boss held up a large hand in warning. 

“Don’t say it! Not one more word!” 

 All of his friends turned to face him, everyone in various stages of head shaking or fingers sliding across throats as if to say “He’s going to kill you!”

As much as Roxy loved her job and all the opportunities it afforded her and her friends, that only lasted as long as Gustavo allowed. So, if Kendall wanted to take the heat, that was fine with her, just as long as he didn’t push the producer's buttons too hard. 

A few beats of silence passed, and Gustavo let his shoulders relax, “Good!” right as Kendall breathed out, “A chill pill.”

Though it made his assistant laugh, she was soon ducking for cover behind a few extra amps she had left in the corner of the studio as Gustavo’s shoulders scrunched back up in anger. His famous infuriated grunting caused a low rumble to shake the studio floor while she clamped her hands over her ears, watching in awe as white-hot steam curled out of their boss’ ears.  

“Steam…” James and Carlos mused, eyes widening. 

Logan looked equally as shocked, reaching out to run his fingers through the gas. “Oh, that’s a new one.”

Their boss’ face reddened, hands curling up into fists as he brought them to his chest. 

“Run!” was all Kendall could fathom, and he, Logan, and Carlos piled out of the studio as fast as they could. 

James, quickly shoving his lucky comb and mirror back into his pockets managed to pull his girlfriend from her hiding spot and drag her out before their boss exploded at them for the first time in the new year. 

Pontiac GTO be damned, Gustavo chased them through the Rocque Records parking garage before the girl was able to dig the keys from her mini backpack, leaving her and her friends no choice but to run the few blocks to the Palm Woods hotel. It was quite reminiscent of the stage training he had forced Roxy and the boys into all those months ago, but now, running through the streets of Los Angeles hand in hand with her boyfriend, Roxy beamed. They’d come such a long way together on their musical journey, and none of them were planning on ever slowing down - even once Gustavo was completely out of sight. 

By the time they’d made it through the Palm Woods lobby, up the winding stairwell, and safely into apartment 2-J, Kendall slammed the door behind him, pressing his back flat against it as his chest rose and fell while the rest of his friends found any hiding place they could. 

Carlos and Logan had run up the swirly slide, leaving the yellow plastic tube far too cramped for another body. Hurriedly, Roxy whirled around to face James, brows shooting up her forehead as they attempted to find somewhere else to conceal themselves. 

“Trust me?” He asked, completely out of breath, eyes flickering to the loft above the slide. 

Roxy barely nodded before his hands flew to her waist and easily hoisted her up onto the slide’s lowest curve while she let out an unexpected squeal. From there, it was easy to grab onto the loft’s edge and pull herself up and over, using the outside of the slide as a stepping stool, before ducking behind the solid railing. 

Moments later, James followed, smoothly guiding himself over the ledge as she helped haul Carlos, Logan, and Kendall out of the tight-winding yellow tube. 

Just when they thought they were safe, the wooden door of 2-J violently burst down with a bang!

In the doorway stood Gustavo, still fuming while his eyes roamed the room, eventually finding the five cowering together above him. 

The man’s voice boomed off the high ceiling, “Get down here! Get down here right now!” 

“Not until you chillax!” James called back, and Roxy snaked a hand around his arm in solidarity. 

A scoff from below made them all flinch as Gustavo yelled, “Oh, I am chillaxed!” before his pounding footsteps brought him into the kitchen, where he began rummaging through their drawers and cabinets, looking for something.

“Oh, this can’t be good,” Roxy breathed and in return, she dropped her bag to the floor and tried to find something to throw in retaliation. 

Old songbook, keys, chapstick, phone, new songbook… No, no, no, no, no! 

“Where do you keep your knives?” Their boss screamed, just as she pulled out a package of gum and wound her arm back. 

“Um, in the drawer next to the sink,” Carlos replied, always wanting to be of assistance, before the other four began to shout indistinctly in his direction. 

In a flash, Gustavo was pulling the drawer open and dumping whatever wasn’t a knife onto the tiled floor, while James and Logan slapped Carlos over the head, the sound resounding off his black helmet. 

From the bathroom in the back of the kitchen, the door opened, and Buddha Bob walked out, plunger over his shoulder, whistling. When he noticed Gustavo rooting around and the five teens fearing for their lives in the loft, he froze.

“Buddha Bob! Help!” The boys plead, just as the other man held up a steak knife in victory, and the maintenance man leaped into action. 

Slamming the plunger down on the floor, Buddha Bob reached out and pinched Gustavo’s shoulder between his fingers and thumbs, almost like a snake biting into one of its victims. In a matter of seconds, their boss dropped the knife into the sink and let out a small whimper as the other man didn’t let up his grip. 

Then, using both his hands, Buddha Bob smushed Gustavo’s face and sharply pointed it to the left. The sound of bones cracking was resounding, and Roxy felt the package she was holding slip out of her fingers as her jaw dropped to the floor. 

“Ooh,” Her friends winced. They’d all sat through enough action movies to be incredibly fearful of whatever happened next. 

Silence. 

A weak, “What was that?” from Gustavo. 

Everyone let out a sigh of relief. 

“Himalayan Monkey Pinch,” Buddha Bob shared, hands still framing Gustavo’s face. “Then I realigned your chakras.” 

The twisting motion he made with his hands to demonstrate made Roxy’s stomach churn.

“I feel so… So…” Gustavo was at a loss for words.

“Calm?” The maintenance man did his best to help. “Now focus on what matters, not what angers.”

Taking a few slow steps forward, Gustavo swayed back and forth a bit, before looking back up at his employees. “Dawgs, I must write a song for the New Town High soundtrack. I’ll call you when I need vocals… And do you mind if I borrow Roxanne?” 

The girl felt her skin heat up as the four of them looked toward her. Normally, Gustavo snapped at her whenever he wanted to have a writing session, giving her little choice as to whether she was ready to share one of her songs or not. At the moment, she didn’t have anything close to being done - that she was willing to share, anyway - and certainly nothing good enough to make it to the New Town High soundtrack. 

That, and she was quite worried about Gustavo’s strange, new zen state. Is he even in the headspace to write a song for a CW teen drama right now?

She felt James' hand reach out to hers, twining their fingers together with a small squeeze. 

“How about you call me if you need any assistance, Mr. Rocque?” Roxy asked, though she worried his famous temper would reemerge at any moment before adding on, “Or if I think of anything, I’ll call you?” 

“Alright,” was his reply, no yelling, no screaming, no “I own you so do as I say!” The man blinked before heading to the door. “I look forward to collaborating with you. You’re very pleasant to write with.”

Though she didn’t share the sentiment about writing with him, she nodded and gave a small wave as he exited the apartment. 

In no time, her friends were rushing toward the slide, getting down to the first floor to harass Buddha Bob about what he’d done, while their assistant stayed up on the loft, gathering everything she’d dumped out of her bag back inside. 

The small trinkets were easy enough, but once she’d collected her two songbooks she found herself sinking to the floor and flipping through them to see if anything might be fit for New Town High. 

Cool, black leather filled her fingertips as Roxy thummed through the first book, the one she’d written her first Big Time Rush song in. Along with the released BTR songs, there were a few complete songs inside she hadn’t shared with the band, like “Invisible” and “Paralyzed” and a few she’d written after leaving Brand New Day, but those were far too personal to the writer to be released. A few works in progress remained, like her space-themed song she’d begun writing in the observatory, one she’d worked on over the last few weeks titled “Got Something” and one small verse she’d written in the Pontiac with James at the wheel. 

Nope… Not yet, she told herself, before setting the black book down and picking up an identical-sized and shaped journal, but this one was bound in a beautiful, dark red.

Back in Minnesota, after she’d written down the events of the New Year’s party with a drunken mind and blushing cheeks, Roxy realized she’d hit the final sheet of her black journal when she had turned the page and found the small message James had written in there for her after they started dating. 

So, before catching the flight back home, she’d ran out to the store and picked up a fresh, new one, ready to be filled with as many Big Time Rush songs as possible. She’d even picked the deep crimson cover because she anticipated an uptick in her love songwriting, as she and James continued to grow into their relationship.  

All that was in there for now was her diary entry from the previous day, where she got to detail how horrible her flight back to Los Angeles had been, and hundreds of blank pages ready to be written over. 

“You guys should try listening to your boss more often.” Buddha Bob’s words ripped Roxy from her thoughts and she quickly stuffed the two books into her bag before coming downstairs on the swirly slide. “He’ll be less stressed and won’t want to kill you.”

When she reached her friends beside the breakfast bar and snaked a hand around James’ bicep, the maintenance man was out the door, and Kendall had clearly taken his words under consideration.

“You know, he’s right,” The blond shared, pointing a thumb toward the fallen door.

His assistant snorted, “That’s rich coming from you.” 

When James, Carlos, and Logan nodded their heads in solidarity, Kendall crossed his arms. “I’m not pro-Gustavo or anything, but I am very anti-being killed! And, like, the man works his butt off for us, and I do tend to talk back a bit…”

“Yeah, I mean, I kind of do lack direction sometimes,” Carlos added, facing the opposite way of his friends while he admired the racing video game outside the kitchen. To get him back on track, Kendall grabbed his shoulders and whirled him around. 

Beside her, Logan shifted uncomfortably, “I guess I could use a little more swagger.”

“And I suppose I can put down my mirror,” James shared, taking it out of his back pocket and tentatively placing it on the kitchen counter. 

It was an action that shocked his four friends, and Roxy looked up at her boyfriend in surprise to find him gazing right back at her, “Because I can always find myself reflected in your eyes.” 

“Oh,” She gasped, suddenly unable to tear her focus away from him as she accidentally matched his intensity. “Anytime you want, babe-”

Just as she brought her fingers up to push a stray strand of hair out of his hazel eyes, she felt someone grab her wrist and pull her away. 

“Rox!” Kendall scolded her, as if she had done anything wrong, “That’s exactly what Gustavo was talking about!”

While she twisted out of his grip and slapped him on the shoulder, Roxy rolled her eyes. “So what if I encourage you four a bit too much? You do what you want anyway”

Kendall shot her another glare.

“Fine. I won’t enable anymore.” 

 “Then it’s agreed. We are going to listen to Gustavo so he’s less stressed and won’t kill us?”

The band piled their hands on top of one another, like they were in the middle of a team huddle before break, ready to get back into whatever game they were playing. 

Now, Roxy was caught at a crossroads. As a songwriter-assistant, she was at the bottom of the Rocque Records food chain; Almost completely expendable if not for the fact the she and the band cared for each other so much. In theory, if Gustavo wanted to kill anyone, it would probably end up being her. So, she should put her hand in as well. But on the other hand, if she was supposed to stop egging the boys’ schemes on, why would they be waiting for her to put her hand in?

“This is the last time,” Roxy sighed, placing her hand on top of Logan’s. 

“Woah, break!” Her friends called, throwing their hands up into the air to seal their pact.

***

Sitting at the breakfast bar with Logan felt like the safest avenue. 

If Roxy was supposed to work on dialing back her enabling, being around her boyfriend, Kendall, and Carlos wasn’t the best idea. So, she worked on getting a jump start on today’s journal entry before circling back to some of her old incomplete songs, while Logan was typing up a storm on his laptop. Whatever he was doing just looked like a storm of nonsensical numbers and letters all strung together in something the writer didn’t understand in the slightest, so she eventually dove her nose back into her book. 

Can’t goad if I don’t know what’s going on…

Footsteps from down the hall caught their attention and James strode into the kitchen to see them, a very proud look on his face. 

“Okay, so I traded in my James t-shirt for one with all of us!” He shared, gesturing to the white and black-ringed Big Time Rush tour t-shirt he had exchanged his previous look for. “And I’ve decided to make more eye contact with you guys, not just Roxy.”

Leaning over the breakfast bar, James narrowed his eyes and stared at Logan, who looked over his laptop confusedly.

Though his friend attempted to type up a few things and help James with his goal, when the long-haired boy began to quirk his brows it just felt weirder and weirder as time continued to progress. 

“O-kay,” Logan drew out, hitting the enter key and finally glancing back down at his screen.  

Blinking as though he were brought out of a trance, James shook his head a bit.

“Well,” The studious boy continued, “I’ve decided to increase my swagger by creating a Swagger App, which will automatically push the swaggiest trends, clothes, and moves from the net, right to my phone.”

Despite thinking it cute, Roxy held her tongue and simply wrote about the new development in her book, while James burst out laughing, “Dude! You either have swagger, or you don’t. And I have tons, so let me help you.”

“No need, ‘cause I am fully loaded,” Logan shared, pulling his phone off the download cord he had connected to his laptop. Some techy sounds emanated from the phone’s speakers, signaling the app was ready to be put to use. “Now I just press ‘Swagger App’ and…”

Buzz buzz

A host of notifications began to pop up on his home screen, a picture of the five of them at their last Big Time Rush show, and he intently read each one. 

When Roxy glanced over his shoulder, she could see each push notification had a category, like clothing, music, and one ominously titled moves, and a small description of how Logan could implement that into his daily routine. 

“Huh,” she found herself saying, though she really wanted to tell him how cool she thought the app was - especially since he’d built it from scratch in a matter of twenty minutes. Unfortunately, because it enabled his scheme to gain more swag, that was all she could push out. 

Without a word, Logan closed his laptop and hopped off the bar stool, racing down the hallway to what Roxy assumed was his room. A few seconds later, James hopped up on the empty seat and slung an arm around his assistant's shoulders. 

“Flirting with you will just enable your big ego,” she mumbled into the journal in front of her, pretending to be very interested in the flower she was doodling on the top corner of the page. “Which, I don’t mind, by the way. Gustavo’s wrong; It’s stupid he doesn’t want you to love yourself.” 

I really admire your confidence, she wanted to tell him. It’s one of my favorite things about you.

James didn’t respond, but after a moment Roxy felt his smooth fingertips on her face, gently guiding her to look over in his direction. 

“What were you saying earlier about how I could stand to be more Roxanne-centered?” 

“That was just a-” She made the mistake of lifting her gaze, finding herself temporarily lost in the flecks of green and gold in his eyes, “Joke.” 

Seeing herself reflected back amid the hazel she stared into, just like he’d claimed earlier, she felt the back of her neck heat and closed her eyes. “Not enabling, not enabling, not enabling…” 

A feather-light kiss fell over her left eyelid, then the right, and she heard James let out a small chuckle as he dropped his hand, “Whatever you say, songbird… But you know it’s impossible to resist me.”

Roxy imagined lots of things taking place after that, wondering how comfortable it would be for two people to share the same barstool if she climbed over and sat on his lap, peppering his face with as many kisses as she could, before the sound of heavy boots came from down the hall. Daring to peek one eye open, James had luckily turned his head to find the source - Logan, now heading into the kitchen to show off his new outfit. 

Not only was it so much more stylish than his usual cardigan-over-t-shirt get-up, but it was also the outfit he’d let Roxy pick out at the Duluth mall back home. A perfect-fitting black leather jacket, a nice t-shirt, tight black jeans, and a pair of booths she didn’t know he owned adorned him well and made him look quite nice if she did say so herself. 

As he showed it off to his friends, his phone continued to chime, just like he had programmed it to. 

When she felt James tense beside her, his tone deepened as he pointed a finger Logan’s way, “Okay. You look cool, but swagger comes from within,” He drew his hands up to the side of his face and wiggled them as his girlfriend giggled at the silly move, “It’s not digital!”

“Oh-ho, it’s digital!” Logan assured him, doing a cross-spin-pose with an elegant snap and point combination, shocking the couple with how smoothly he’d managed the move. Even with his hours and hours of dance practice, he’d never made it look as effortless as he had just now. 

Without even saying goodbye, Logan trotted out the open apartment door, a never-before-seen pep in his step and James moved to follow him, accidentally tripping over his own feet. As he braced himself on the door frame, Roxy rushed to his side, “Are you alright?” 

Instead of steadying himself on the doorframe like he’d been planning, he raised an arm above her head, leaning over her with a wicked grin, “Aw… Concerned about me?” 

Obviously. Always. All the time, she almost said and thought about bringing a hand out to his arm to ground him as she leaned deeper into the frame behind her. Instead, she settled for, “Not flirting!” 

“No fun…” he mumbled into her ear, dropping down to press a quick kiss to her cheek before dashing off after his friend. “Logan! You’re playing with forces you don’t understand!” 

Buzz buzz

Kendall’s ringtone flooded through her phone’s speakers, startling her as it echoed through the empty hotel hallway. 

Picking up, Roxy held the phone to her ear, “Hello?” 

“Hey, can you meet me in Palm Woods Park in the next five minutes?” 

His tone sounded urgent, as though something was wrong. 

“Yeah,” She responded, trying to keep her cool as she practically ran down the hallway, “What’s going on?” 

“Just the usual; we caused a big huge mess and Kelly’s pretty pissed at Gustavo. We tracked his phone and it looks like he’s just hanging out in the park when the two of you should be writing that song.”

Whatever had gotten into him earlier was starting to scare her. Seeing him be so obedient to the man he’d spent almost a year back talking to was something the writer was having a hard time wrapping her head around. 

“I thought we’d come to an agreement? If one of us thought of something, we’d just call the other… Songs aren’t just magically written because you want them to be,” She huffed. As much as she loved her friend, this wasn’t the first time he’d assumed songwriting was a breeze. 

There was the sound of hushed tones bickering on the other line, meaning he was probably with Kelly at the moment, before he hit her back with, “This one needs to be done before the New Town High execs come tomorrow morning. I’ve seen you write songs on less.” 

Wow, Roxy thought as she reached the bottom of the stairwell and followed the trail out to the park, He’s taking this far more seriously than I’d expected…

“Is there something I’m missing? Hearing you suck up to Gustavo is just weird… Is this Kendall Knight?” 

She could imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose, a slight exhale coming through the speaker, “Rox… Come on. A Big Time Rush song on Jo’s show - You’ve got to understand the importance of that.” 

Ah…

“You mean a romantic song that you sing being featured on your girlfriend’s show?” Roxy baited, teasing him a bit for his comments before. “Now, why would that be important to you?”

A cool, Los Angeles breeze tossed her hair over her shoulders by the time she finally made it outside, following one of the park’s many trails as she spoke. Eventually, she’d bump into Kendall, Kelly, or Gustavo, so for now she’d just enjoy her walk. 

“Because you know why!” He hissed before taking a deep breath, “It’s a big deal to me, okay? A public display of affection or whatever you call it so the whole world can know that I love Jo Taylor!”

Finally spotting Kendall and Kelly across the way, Roxy watched as Kendall finished yelling his statement into the phone before he noticed her staring back at him with an open jaw and wide eyes. 

Immediately, his whole face turned as bright red as a tomato, but he took a few deep breaths and pressed the end call button before shooting her a weak smile coupled with a small wave. Meanwhile, Kelly pretended to be very interested in the small piece of leather peeling off her ledger. 

“Aw, Kendall!” Roxy called, making her way over to where the pair was standing. “How adorable!”

She was truly elated by his words, a similar feeling settling in her chest as when Jo had admitted her feelings to her over the phone a few days ago. They were the perfect couple, ready to take their relationship to the next level, and it seemed as though Kendall was just nervous about how it would all go down. However, that was no excuse for how he’d spoken to her. 

Sheepishly, his hand flew to the back of his neck, giving a few tentative rubs as he choked out, “Yeah, I guess.”

“If it means that much to you…” Roxy grinned as she trailed off, pulling her new red songbook out of her bag and waving it in the air a few times. Just as Kendall’s smile widened, she shoved the book into his chest. “Write it yourself. Unless, of course, you want me to sweep your girl off her feet with my romantic lyrics and unforgettable melodies…” 

Beside them, Kelly let out a snort of laughter at the girl’s words while Kendall’s brows practically shot to his forehead. His grip on the book she’d shoved into his chest tightened. “You wouldn’t.”

“Imply songwriting is easy one more time and I just might!” The girl bit back, loud enough to draw some funny looks from other park patrons passing the group by. “Now, I know this is important to you, Kendall, and I’ll do my best to write you guys another hit, but first we need to find Gustavo and break his zen trance thing.”

Snapping her fingers, the talent scout pointed to the girl, agreeing with her statement. “My tracking software - don’t tell him I have that by the way - said he should be somewhere in this area. Any ideas?” 

Holding her hand up to shield her eyes from the unrelenting California sun, Roxy scanned the grassy area for any signs of their boss. Instead, all she could see were families picnicking in the enjoyable weather, a few birds taking a bath in the fountain, and some kids from her class setting up a kickball game in one of the larger fields. Painstakingly mundane and not at all helpful. 

“There!” Kendall pointed, and his assistant followed his outstretched finger to the far right of the park, where she saw a quick flash of a red pageboy cap and someone with unruly, brown hair trimming the hedges along the edge of the hotel. 

As fast as humanly possible, the trio made their way over to find the two men engaged in a seemingly one-sided conversation as Gustavo rambled something about trimming the excess from his life, unclogging his mind, and staying away from all the nuts in town.

He can say that last one again…

“What are you doing here?!” Kelly started, causing the man to jump slightly at her words. “You and Roxy have got a soundtrack song to write!” 

Turning to face the newcomers, Gustavo shared a content smile. It was nearly unnerving to his employees since they were so used to seeing a scowl etched like stone into his features. “Kelly. Roxanne. Kendall. This man’s wisdom has just opened my eyes to a life I never thought possible!” 

He grabbed his talent scout and lead singer by the shoulder and squeezed them, leaving the assistant sandwiched uncomfortably in the middle before grinning even wider and wandering off to another area of the park. 

While it was nice he was learning to relax a bit, Roxy almost missed his high-strung and demanding attitude; Like Kendall’s personality switch up earlier, things were getting stranger and stranger as the day went on. Seeing her boss act as though he were an entirely different person was just offputting. 

It seemed as though Kendall was having similar thoughts, turning to Buddha Bob as he continued to neatly trim the hedges with a raised brow. “What did you do to Gustavo?” “Who’s Gustavo?” was the man’s reply, not even bothering to look up as he continued his work. 

Maybe it was because the assistant was so plugged into pop culture, she wondered aloud, “There are people who don’t know who Gustavo Rocque is?” while Kelly and Kendall shook their heads in disbelief. 

As the maintenance man continued down the line of hedges, Kelly had to step away for a phone call from one of Griffin’s many assistants about the song for New Town High, leaving the frontman and his assistant alone to work out the problem at hand. 

Roxy figured if Gustavo was riding the relaxing waves of serenity from Buddha Bob’s “teachings,” the boys could probably snap him right out of it with one of their harebrained schemes. Or, better yet, she could pitch him a song so terrible it might make him angry enough to snap out of his zen mode. 

I think I still have some of my books from a few years ago on my shelf.

Just as she was deciding which song would be worse to give him, “Storm in a Teacup” or “Rip-Off the Old Block,” she noticed Kendall’s eyes light up with a familiar spark of mischief. With a satisfying click of his fingers, he held one up to the sky, and just before he opened his mouth to speak, his assistant clamped her hands over her ears.

“Nope! Not listening! I can’t enable any of your ridiculous schemes today!” She cried but felt a bit bad for being hypocritical in thinking up her own plan. “Whatever you need to do, I don’t need to know, just… Get it done and don’t get fired!”

In response, her friend frowned and Roxy winced as her stomach twisted with guilt. It’s not fair for me to fault him for his attitude change when I’m doing the same exact thing.

She was a far better supporter than a schemer, but if the other boys were committed to listening to their boss’ words, the least she could do was join them in solidarity. 

“Suit yourself,” The boy beside her sighed, “Promise me you’ll work on a song while I take care of this?” Roxy nodded, though she had no idea where she’d get the idea for one. At the moment, all her song ideas had come from hanging out with James, and he was a bit dangerous to be around at the moment. Though, if she just observed him, that wasn’t really flirting… right? 

With a wave goodbye to Kendall, Roxy was off in search of her boyfriend without a second thought, songbook and pen already clutched in her hands and itching to write down some new ideas. 

***

Eventually, she found James and Logan at the Palm Woods pool, still locked in their debate over whether or not the latter was able to digitally create swag or not. Of course, they’d chosen this location over anywhere else in the hotel, considering the pool was where all the popular residents hung out. If Logan’s app helped him fit in with the popular crowd of Palm Woods High upperclassmen, they’d settle this debate once and for all. For them, there was truly no better method than trial and error. 

Oh, Logan, Roxy thought as she quietly approached her friends, Even in his cool, new outfit, he’s still a scientist at his core. 

“Yes, the clothes work!” She heard James protest, picking at one of the stiff leather wrinkles on Logan’s jacket. “But let me show you how to walk the swag walk.” At least, after all their bickering, James was simply doing his best to help his friend. 

“No need!” Logan interrupted, holding up his beeping phone, “‘Cause Swagger App advises: Strut at approximately three miles per hour and cock your head at a 45-degree angle.” 

“You missed ‘Shades up and shake it!’��� His assistant added, reading the screen over his shoulder, and finally announcing her presence in their conversation.  

Not enabling… Simply pointing out something he didn’t catch.

Turning her way, Logan stuck out his bottom lip in contemplation as he nodded at her words, “Huh… Good catch, Rox.”

To their right, James was too busy laughing at the app’s advice. “Logan, I am no longer self-centered or Roxanne-centered,” He took a brief pause to mouth Hey, babe, in Roxy’s direction before continuing, “Now, if you’d just listen to me, I want to-”

Wordlessly, Logan cut him off by popping on his pair of dark black sunglasses, turning his head to a sharp 45 degrees, and strutting away from where they stood at the edge of the pool, newfound spring in his step as he made his way to the lobby.

It was hard to miss the way heads turned as she walked down the small stretch of deck as though he were a runway model. Whispers erupted from everyone - not just their classmates - as they took in the singer’s stark change in both attitude and style. Even Roxy found herself following his every move, eyes watching him like a hawk as he reached the door to the lobby and spun on his heels, holding his arms out with smug pride as he showed off his moves. 

James erupting into a coughing fit brought his girlfriend back to reality and in a flash he grabbed her hand, quickly pulling her across the same stretch of deck. 

“Do you need a cough drop?” Roxy asked in earnest, thinking she must have a few at the bottom of her mini backpack somewhere, but James waved her off as he was all too caught up in whatever strange thing he and Logan had going on.

When they reached the boy across the way, James huffed, doing his best to act nonchalant about his friend’s new programable swagger, but his voice slightly rose as he shared, “The walk wasn’t bad, but can you talk the swag talk?”

He coughed again, this time Roxy pulled her hand out of his to root around in her bag, voice cracking on his last word.

Holding up his phone again, Logan’s app directed, “Swag talk: Keep exchanges short and try these nicknames.”

“Nicknames?” His popular friend scoffed, “What are nicknames gonna do?”

“Songbird - Don’t ever stop writing songs about me!” Roxy piped up, poking her boyfriend in the arm as she pointed out his favorite nickname for her, “Whatever you say, songbird…” 

Eyes widening, he cried, “That’s special. I wouldn’t call just anyone that!” as she giggled at how riled up her words made him. 

Too caught up in their own little conversation, the pair almost didn’t notice Logan cock his head back at the suggested 45-degree angle and take off down the pool deck again as if it were his own personal catwalk. With each strut, he became more and more confident in his moves and every single person he crossed paths with in the crowded pool gained their own special nickname. 

“Wow…” The girl marveled, watching as the girl dubbed “Blue Eyes” loudly announced she wanted to date Logan. “You never call me Shorty Shorts…”

James shot her a look of disapproval before his eyes trained back on his friend. “While it may be true…” His hand clumsily slipped into her back pocket. “I don’t need an app to come up with pet names for my girlfriend.”

And that got her instantly. At that moment, Roxy was ready to give up on her no-flirting promise earlier, turning into James and placing her hand lightly on his chest while she looked up at him through innocently batting eyes. 

Just as she opened her mouth to invite him up to her apartment for a little while, Camille’s voice approaching from behind cut her off.

“Hey… Since when does Logan have more swagger than James?” 

The comment snapped him into defense mode and his hand left Roxy’s pocket, “He does not have more swagger than me-”

Whatever he was about to say next was interrupted by “This Is Our Someday” blasting out of one of their classmate’s boomboxes in the fire pit area. It seemed as though Logan had struck up an impromptu party in the blink of an eye thanks to his Swagger App. Calling “Check it!” to his friends and attempting to wave them over. “Swag tunes!”

Too focused on the fact the app had determined one of her songs swaggy, Roxy felt the beat flow through her body and summon her toward the scene of the party, completely forgetting about the few lozenges she held in her palms as the sound of James’ coughs was drowned out by the melody.

Unfortunately, her phone vibrating in her pocket prevented her from fully getting her groove on, causing her to step away from the pool area and back onto the path to the park to take the call. 

As she held her phone to her ear, she didn’t even get a chance to utter out a greeting before Kendall’s voice came over the line. “What do rainbows, candy, and the mandolin all have in common with one another?”

“Uh,” The assistant blinked, knitting her brows in confusion, “They’re all… Colorful? Maybe?” she guessed, imagining her bright red electric guitar shrunk into a smaller size.

Kendall made an annoying buzzer sound, “Wrong! They’re all featured on the new Big Time Rush song!”

“Oh, that’s neat. I didn’t know Gustavo could play the mandolin.”

“He most certainly cannot! And so, the song is terrible, and the New Town High execs are coming tomorrow.”

The urge to shoot back, “And what do you want me to do about it?” was strong, but the assistant bit her tongue before she managed to say anything to escalate the tense situation. From his tone of voice, Kendall was beginning to panic, and though she wanted nothing more than to help ease his anxiety, none of the songs she had in her book were New Town High worthy. The complete ones were far too personal, probably to be kept in the off-white pages until the end of time, and the incomplete ones just didn’t have the right vibe for the show. 

So instead she settled for, “Kendall. Seriously? Rome wasn’t built in a day.” 

“But it burned in one, didn’t it? Much like Big Time Rush if Gustavo releases this song into the world.”

As she let out a large, obvious sigh into the receiver, Roxy felt like kicking the bushes Buddha Bob had done such a wonderful job trimming. 

“I know, I know!” Kendall said on the other line, “Just… See if you can make it back to the Crib soon. Kelly wants to have an emergency band meeting at Rocque Records and I figured we’d all go together.”

“That’s fine,” The writer conceded as she pinched the bridge of her nose, switching to a different path in the park that would lead her to the back entrance of the hotel. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Kendall didn’t even bother saying goodbye before the line went dead. 

Entering the hotel, the air conditioning sent a small chill up the girl’s spine, but she ignored it, tossing her bag over her shoulder and pulling out her black-covered songbook. 

Maybe I was wrong about some of these songs… She thought, beginning to climb the stairs to the second floor, but as her eyes cast over the lyrics, she was starting to believe her suspicions to be correct. I wonder if Gustavo still has the portfolio I gave him at the audition. One of those might work, even with my inexperienced writing.

Honestly, she was a bit intrigued by the song Kendall had mentioned on the phone. It might not be as bad as the boy was making it out to be, but she wasn’t sure mandolin had a place in pop music… At least, not in this day and age. 

When she reached the apartment, she walked in on Kendall tugging his coat on and explaining the situation he’d mentioned on the phone to a swagged-out Logan and sickly-looking James at the breakfast bar. 

Completely forgetting what the frontman had said about driving to Rocque Records, Roxy felt her chest squeeze when she laid eyes on her boyfriend, whose hand was shaking as he attempted to pull a spoonful of cereal out of the bowl in front of him. 

I’ve been away five minutes and he looks moments away from death.

He’d traded his trendy outfit for a loose-fitting, battered t-shirt and old sweats, and his paled skin made him look like a vampire from one of the Twilight movies. That, and his normally perfect hair was plastered to his forehead with what she assumed was sweat, suggesting he was beginning to run some sort of fever.  

In an instant, she was by his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and bringing the back of her free hand to his forehead. “James! You’re so hot!”

“Don’t I know it…” He coughed weakly, “Babe.”

“Who cares?!” Kendall interrupted, showing no regard for James’ health, “Let’s go!” 

Beside the couple, Logan closed his laptop with a sigh and held up his phone, “Can’t, K-Dog, I’m updating my Swag App for even more swag-itude.”

Not the answer the blond was hoping to hear, which was quickly made evident as he ignored Logan’s answer and screamed, “Carlos?!”

Knock, knock, knock!

Heads turned to the bathroom door in the kitchen, where Katie was pounding on the hardwood. “He won’t come out of the bathroom!”

“Panic room!” He corrected her through the door, leading all five of them to wonder exactly why he was panicking.

Is he just as worked up as Kendall over the song?

Katie crossed her arms, leaning on the counter beside the door. “A bird told him he’s got 24 hours to live. But I got to brush my teeth!” she called into the wood, prompting even more pounding on the door. 

“Well, I’ve got to save my life!” Carlos informed her, before claiming, “Super Parrot knows all!”

No one had a chance to process any of that exchange before James launched into another loud coughing fit, shoulder shaking as he tried to hack out whatever was causing his throat to itch. 

“And I feel cold and clammy,” He shared, though he wrapped an arm around Roxy’s waist as she continued to rub his arm. “Is it possible for someone to lose their swagger?” 

“What?” She and Kendall chorused, looking at James with concern. 

“If there’s a finite amount of swagger in the band and if someone were to gain swagger…” Not so subtly, he glanced over to Logan, who appeared to be downloading the Billboard Hot 100 songs to his iPhone. “Is it possible for someone else to lose their swagger?” 

Attempting to sweep some of his wet hair off his forehead, Roxy puffed out her bottom lip, “That’s a very good question, baby… Do you need anything, like soup, or medicine, or-”

“Okay! I’ll go alone.” Kendall rudely cut her off with a huff, speaking as though his four friends had lost their minds. 

And maybe Roxy had, because seeing James suffering felt like someone had taken a knife to her heart. Forget the song, forget the band, forget anything that would pull her attention from trying to help him feel better in any way she could. He’d always been so gracious with her and her airsickness, right now she wanted nothing more than to do everything in her power to get him better - Swag-induced pain or not. 

“Just keep me updated, please?” She asked Kendall as he turned to leave, though she was still fussing over James' appearance since he wasn’t in the shape to. “And if I get any song ideas I’ll let you know.” 

With his hand on the doorknob, the blond whispered something under his breath she couldn’t quite make out, before throwing the door open and stomping out of 2-J. 

“Douche,” She muttered, and James laughed between a few breathy coughs while he tried to finish the few bites that remained of his now-soggy cereal. 

Letting go of his girlfriend’s waist, the sick boy pointed his spoon toward the door, “It might be a good idea to go with him. I don’t want you getting sick because of me.” 

Roxy was quick to wave him off, “We’ve been butting heads all day since he’s so concerned with kissing Gustavo’s ass… Hanging out with you sounds way more fun than that.”

“Sounds like you need to chillax, cupcake!” Logan butt in, beginning to blast his newly downloaded pop music out of his phone’s weak speakers. “Come party with me for a while and forget about all your worries!” 

From the seat beside him, James wound up for a punch to the arm and miserably whiffed it, though he did manage a weak, “You need to chillax.”

“How about we work on comebacks later, James?” His girlfriend cautioned, moving his bowl into the sink and attempting to pull him off the bar stool. “We can focus on getting you better over in 2-H… It’s much quieter over there.” 

As if on cue, Katie began pounding at the bathroom door again, bickering back and forth with Carlos in his new panic room. If that was enough to make her own head ache, she could only imagine how terrible James felt. 

Though it was tough to move him, mostly supporting his weight with her body as he slung an arm over her shoulder, the pair managed down the hallway to Roxy’s apartment. There, James happily flopped down onto her couch, while his girlfriend ran around the small space to make sure it was as cozy as possible for him. 

Opening the blinds and window, fresh air began to circulate into the one-bedroom, smelling a bit chemical from the pool a floor below. From her linen closet, a clean pillow was propped behind his head, and a blanket she nearly burrito-ed him into. Then, emptying her medicine cabinet she pulled out anything she thought might help alleviate some of his pain and set it on her kitchen counter; cough syrup, cough drops, Tylenol, and allergy medication galore. 

But even then, it felt like something was missing as she surveyed the space.

What would Dad do? She asked herself before running through her mental checklist. Air, comfort, medicine… Music!

Finally putting an end to her scramble, Roxy popped into her bedroom to grab her acoustic guitar before heading back out to the living room where James was lounging. 

With her hip, she pushed the coffee table in front of the couch to the side and plopped down in front of him, running her fingers over the cool, smooth wood in her hands. Since she’d restrung her acoustic to make the boys’ Christmas gifts, she hadn’t used it for much; Primarily writing her Big Time Rush songs on the electric. Now felt like a good time to get some use out of the instrument. 

As she made sure the strings were still in tune, plucking each one with the pick a few times before finding just the right sound, she tried to figure out what to play. James always claimed his favorite song was whatever was number one on the pop charts, which if she recalled correctly was TikTok by Kesha. 

Not sure I can manage that on this instrument… She contemplated, trying to form a chord pattern in her head to no avail. 

When she looked back up from the fretboard, she caught James’ eye from the hole in the blanket she’d left for his head and felt a wave of self-consciousness pass over her. 

“My dad always said music was the best medicine… So what do you wanna hear?” She asked, nervously playing with the green pick between her fingers.

In response, James broke out into a coughing fit and had to untangle himself from the blanket cocoon his girlfriend had put him in to make sure he covered his mouth. After practically forcing a cough drop down his throat, the boy finally managed to say, “Something new,” before falling back into the cushions. 

That was an answer Roxy certainly hadn’t been expecting to hear, but she was more than happy to oblige. Mentally running through the songs in her book, she tried to determine which one was best fit for performance on the acoustic guitar. 

When she landed on “Invisible” and began to strum out the melody she had constructed months ago, she laughed a bit to herself. This song had come from a place of longing and desperation, lines she constructed out of fear James would never do anything about the limbo-like state of their relationship at the time. Knowing what she knew now, she was glad she sat down and wrote it when she did. She’d probably never be able to write a song like this again, especially since she was so happy. 

Humming out the words, Roxy didn’t lift her eyes from the fretboard, though she didn’t need to watch where she was placing her fingers at all. Thoughts of tour swirled in her head - Her first kiss with James, the feeling of being on stage with her best friends, the cheering of the crowd… But also the uncertainty of her relationship status and the sadness it caused her, her time alone on the bus writing “Til I Forget About You,” and how much she’d missed Jo and Camille. Tour was rough, but rewarding, and in turn, she’d written the beautiful song she was now playing for her boyfriend. 

By the time her strumming stopped, it looked like James was half-asleep, so she decided to continue and play her next longest work in progress “You’re Not Alone” even though it was missing most of a chorus, a bridge, and a second round of verses. 

From then on, she improvised, smashing together other incomplete songs she’d written, blending them with chord progressions she came up with on the fly. The combination of the guitar, her quiet humming, and James’ soft breathing as he let his eyelids finally begin to droop was slowly becoming one of Roxy’s favorite sounds.  

Once she finally figured he was asleep, she stopped playing, giving her fingers a little wiggle before moving to stand up and put her guitar away. 

“Rox,” James weakly mumbled with closed eyes, somehow managing to catch her wrist. It felt like Roxy’s heart jumpstarted as she squatted back down to hear him better. “Lay with me?” 

Gently, she leaned in and kissed his temple, “‘Course, babe,” and kicked off her shoes, abandoning her guitar in the gap between the couch and the hardwood floor.

Shedding his blanket, James sat up and let Roxy make herself comfortable, using the pillow against the armrest as she moved to lay on her back. In no time, his arms circled her waist, before he slowly moved to rest his head on her chest, ear falling right over her heart which was no doubt beating over time. When they cuddled, their positions were typically reversed, a fact Roxy tried not to focus on as his chest rose and fell against her own. In an attempt to calm herself down, she returned his gesture and placed one of her arms lazily on top of his frame, beginning to run her nails lightly over his back, slightly zigzagging as her other hand sunk into his plush hair. 

James let out a small groan as he stretched his legs out, tangling them with Roxy’s.

“I love holding you,” he told her, and she could feel his dry lips moving against the skin around her collarbone, “It’s like everything melts away and nothing else matters…” 

She only managed to continue breathing because she knew he’d be able to hear if she stopped. “Oh. Yeah? I suppose it does feel like everything around us stops, doesn’t it?” 

Waiting a few moments for him to reply, Roxy heard his shallow breaths slow.

Falling asleep in the middle of a conversation? What a dork…

***

Hey babe!

Sorry to sneak out on you, but I had a wonderful idea for a new song (yes, it’s about you and yes, you’ll love it) and I didn’t want to wake you by scribbling it out or playing the melody on my guitar so I moved into my room for a little bit. Once this is all written and Gustavo approved, we’ll have all the time in the world to cuddle :) 

I left all the medicine you might need in reach, so feel free to use anything you think might make you feel better. If you need anything just shout.

XX Songbird

P.S. Feel better soon!! <3

P.P.S. Ignore that last line. I wrote that around 2ish but now, it’s nearing dinner time and I didn’t have anything good for sick people to eat. I’m running to the store, so call or text if you need me! <3 <3

***

Even though it had taken about twenty minutes to run to the store across the street from the Palm Woods and back, Roxy was still concerned about leaving her sick boyfriend alone for so long. Of course, she knew James was able to take care of himself, but that didn’t mean he should have to. 

Hopefully, he’d enjoy what she’d picked out for dinner, and she imagined walking into her apartment to see his cute face all snuggled up in her pillow. 

It’s so not fair, she decided, he looks so good both awake and asleep.

A few weeks ago he’d taken a picture of her after she’d fallen asleep on his shoulder during a work meeting, claiming it was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen, and Roxy practically had to tackle him and wrestle the phone out of his grasp to delete it. 

I should take one when I get back as revenge.

Entering the lobby with a smile at the thought, she weaved in and out of the crowd of hotel patrons to get to the elevators, before a familiar voice caught her attention. 

“All we need to do is create a computer virus to destroy Logan’s swagger app!” Camille cried enthusiastically, and Roxy scanned the area to find her - and James - huddled around one of the small circular tables Bitters had set up. 

A green laptop sat in front of her and she was furiously typing away while she talked. 

“And if Logan’s going to steal my swagger, then I’ll steal his smart brain stuff things!” James shared, just as caught up in their plan as Camille was, while he fluffed the sides of a white lab coat he must have stolen from his friend’s closet, revealing a smart-looking sweater vest underneath. In the pockets, he had stuffed numerous pens and pencils and it appeared as though he’d swiped a pair of Mrs. Knight’s reading glasses as well. 

Did he look good? Of course, he did. It almost seemed like he’d stepped out of her favorite hospital drama Paging Dr. McDreamy. But seeing him hanging out with Camille, alone, caused a strong bout of jealousy to knot in her stomach when she should have been happy he was feeling better.

Despite making peace with what had happened between them, she didn’t like the thought of them alone together.

Whatever, Roxy told herself, resigning to push through the lobby and squeeze into an elevator to get back to 2-H. I’m not enabling today, so if they have a plan I’d just ruin it. And now it wouldn’t hurt to eat all of his favorite snacks myself.

 At the ding to let her know she was on the second floor, Roxy managed to get herself out of the packed elevator and hurried to her apartment as quickly as she could while not thinking about her conversation on the phone with Jo and Camille the other night. When Camille mentioned she might want to see other people, she couldn’t have been talking about James, right? 

Footsteps echoing in the empty hallway, the writer figured she was home free once she reached her front door, setting the grocery bags on the ground and slinging her backpack around her shoulder to root around for her keys. 

There was the faint sound of music down the hall, one of the other many musicians at the Palm Woods must have been testing out a new melody, but as she continued to search among the large collection of items in her bag, the song grew closer and closer. It also grew more familiar as well, and as a group of dancing teens turned the corner, Logan leading the pack, she realized “This Is Our Someday” was now blasting down the hall and if she didn’t find her keys in the new few seconds it would be too late for her to escape into her apartment. 

As the crowd passed, Logan grabbed her arm in a smooth display of synchronized dance with the members of his party, and she was immediately sucked into their non-stop march around the Palm Woods. 

***

Two laps around the entire hotel and surrounding park. That’s how long Roxy was caught up in Logan’s swag parade when all she wanted to do was go home and wallow. At many points throughout their procession, she’d tried to escape but Logan or his posse always managed to reign her back in as “This Is Our Someday” played on a loop. 

In fact, she’d caused them so much trouble, that she’d landed herself in the hot seat - on top of Logan’s shoulders - as they made their way closer to 2-J for the third time.

“If you keep dancing, you’ll die!” Roxy called down to her friend, giving a rough tug to his hair in hopes it would steer him toward the apartment door and not continue down the hall. “Think about it! Get some water in the Crib or something!”

Getting him to stop is certainly the opposite of enabling, right?

Thankfully, Logan headed his assistant’s advice, managing to get the two of them in the doorway and lose the accumulated group that had been following them around. Though, the Big Time Rush song continued to play outside, so it appeared no one else was ready for the party to end just yet. 

As the pair took in the commotion going on inside the apartment, it seemed as though they’d missed quite a lot on their swagged-out journey. 

In the kitchen, Carlos finally decided to come out of the panic room and was standing next to a gorgeous woman in fortune teller’s garb. On her arm sat a majestic blue and gold macaw who appeared to be quite chatty. The moment it laid eyes on Roxy and Logan it squawked, “Get them into the O.R., stat! Clear! Clear!”

A fellow Paging Dr. McDreamy fan…

It took Roxy a moment to realize there were other people in the room as well, until she heard a slow, steady beeping noise emanate from the living room. There, she noticed James, looking a lot worse than he had in the lobby, still wrapped up in the blanket she had given him in her apartment. He was hooked up to an oxygen tank, though she doubted his illness was that serious, and some type of machine taking a few readings from electrodes on his chest. 

And right next to him, helping him sip water from a clear glass was Camille, dressed in a white nurse's uniform and everything. 

“Put me down,” Roxy practically growled, tapping on Logan’s head to grab his attention, but he was already too focused on the scene in front of him, 

“Woah! Is that an EKG?”

Pulling on his hair again, his assistant purposefully cut him off, “Who cares? Put me down!”

Finally, the boy respected her wishes and managed to get her off his shoulders as Camille solemnly replied, “SKG… His swag count is dangerously low.”

The writer bit her tongue to hold back a dumb, anger-fueled retort at the sight of those two together again but was unable to mask a small snort as she crossed her arms, staring the pair down. Had the care she’d been giving James earlier not been enough? Did she have to wear a stupid, sexy costume to make it count?

“As you grow stronger…” James whispered between a few coughs, “I grow weaker…”

“Fine!” Logan shrugged, “You can have it back. I didn’t even want the swagger! My pants are too tight, everyone keeps following me, and honestly, there’s too much dancing.”

Could have fooled me.

Shock riddled her friend’s faces, eyes blowing wide as Camille asked, “Really?!”

“Yeah, look,” The boy assured her as he pulled out his phone and clicked a few buttons, “Swagger App: Deleted!” 

At the same time, the beeping on the SKG rapidly increased, showing what Roxy could only assume was a level of swagger worthy of her boyfriend. As quickly as his readings stabilized, he’d jumped off the couch, throwing the oxygen mask and blanket behind him while ripping off the electrodes under his gray v-neck. His color had returned, and he seemed steady on his feet but threw on a black jacket just to be safe. 

“I’m better now!” He announced, as though no one in the room had eyes, and turned to thank Camille. 

“Oh, whatever,” Roxy couldn’t stop herself from spitting out at the sight of the two of them all buddy-buddy. Gripping the strap of her bag, she pushed past Logan, down the hallway to 2-H, and slammed the door behind her, leaving three confused friends in her wake. 

Not that I need thanks, she told herself, flinging her bag onto her couch, but it sure would’ve been nice.

When she heard James call her name from the apartment next door, she wasn’t quick enough to make it back to the shared door and flip the lock. 

Roxy didn’t want to be upset; She’d made peace with what happened between James and Camille after speaking to both of them about it. At the time, James wasn’t her boyfriend, and Camile had made a stupid decision; She had no grounds to be fuming about it months after the fact. 

But something tugged in her stomach at the thought of James and Camille alone together. She’d felt it on the day of pranks, she’d felt it earlier in the lobby, and now, the feeling was taking root in her chest, gnawing away at her heart and making her seem like a terrible girlfriend for not being able to trust her partner. 

Just as she drew her arms around her sides, trying to combat the ugly feeling, the door to 2-J slowly opened, and James entered her apartment, worry written all over his face. “Babe? What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” She bit, far too quickly and far too sharply. The fact that she was starting at the hardwood floor wasn’t helping her case either. 

Between them, there was a moment of silence before James took a long, deep breath. “I can’t read your mind.”

His girlfriend didn’t answer him, but she stalked over to her kitchen to pour herself a cold glass of water. If she held that, he might not notice the shaking of her hands or the color she felt draining from her skin. 

“Is Kendall bothering you about the song again? From the note you left, I thought you were onto something.”

Taking a sip, the girl shook her head, trying to figure out the quickest way to shut this entire conversation down. She wouldn’t look like a jealous, controlling partner if they never managed to talk about it.

“Songs all good,” She finally managed, threading her fingers together as they held her cup. This was her out. “Wanna hear it?”

“Sure,” her boyfriend smiled, and Roxy felt some of the knotting in her stomach vanish. “Once you tell me what’s bothering you.”

James took the cup from her hands and set it on the counter beside them, removing the object Roxy had been attempting to hide behind. She looked to the ground again, trying to slow the fast-paced beat of her heart, and James brought one of his hands up to cup her cheek. 

Gently, he tilted her head so she’d finally look him in the eye, and the dam broke.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” She whispered, even though they were the only two people in the apartment. “That’s not us.” 

“Oh.” James blinked a few times as he took in her words. He hadn’t realized she was mad at him. “We’re not fighting, baby, just talking. So you can tell me, right?”

When she nodded, Roxy felt like the worst person in the entire world. “I- I can’t stand to see you and Camille together. Not because I don’t trust you or I want to control who you hang out with, but… God, James, I don’t know. The thought of you two alone together after what happened I just-“

There was no denying her relationship with Dak Zevon had royally screwed with her trust issues, and Roxy struggled to vocalize this, pausing in the middle of her sentence. The last thing she expected James to do was pull her into his chest, allowing one hand to sink into her hair as the other rubbed soothing circles into her back, yet he didn’t say anything in response. 

Roxy was mad at him and he still made an effort to comfort her. Now she felt even worse about bringing it up. 

“The last thing I want to be is the partner who tells you who you can and can’t be around. Been there already, don’t recommend it. But I feel like… Maybe I have a bit of justification for feeling this way? Obviously, you had some sort of feelings for her if you kissed her.” 

More silence, though this time, Roxy felt herself fall deeper into her boyfriend's embrace.

“I understand,” He breathed. “Thank you for telling me.” 

It was almost impossible to ignore the way her heart dropped clear into her stomach. No apology, no promise to do better, no denial of feelings for her best friend. 

If Roxy wasn’t so concerned with what James had to say next, she wouldn’t be trying so hard to suppress the tears she felt stinging at the back of her eyes. She’d told him, just like he’d asked, and normally getting something off your chest was supposed to make you feel better, but as more time went by without a response Roxy felt guiltier and guiltier. 

When James took another deep breath, she could hear it this time, her ear pressed to his chest, and she clung to him tighter in anticipation of whatever he had to say. 

“For what it’s worth, I don’t have feelings for Camille. Never have, never will.” 

“You kissed her!” 

The hand rubbing her back stopped. “Yeah. I did. But like I told you before, that’s a mistake I’m doing my best to make up for. Part of that is being honest with you about why I did.”

Roxy pulled away from him, glancing up at the boy in front of her to catch onto his every word, no matter how much it would pain her to hear. 

“I’m not sure how I can prove this to you now, but ever since I realized I liked you, you’ve been the only girl for me. Maybe you can ask the guys to confirm… But that day Camille and I were practicing, you went off to the observatory with Logan and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wished it was me with you, not him. 

“As the scene we practiced went on, I kept losing track of my place in the script, I kept thinking how pretty you would look in the dress Camille was wearing, and before I knew it, I was leaning in to kiss her when the script called for it, thinking about when we made out by the pool-”

“When did you know?” She couldn’t stop herself from asking, almost stuttering as she pulled away, cleared her throat, and clarified, “That you liked me?”

“Gustavo’s mansion.” Now it was James’ turn to look at his shoes, unmistakable pink tint hinting at the top of his ears. “I tried to tell you then but Logan cut me off when the alligator showed up. And then the next day you met Dak…”

Months. James had liked me for months.

His girlfriend cringed, “If we want to talk about mistakes, that whole thing with him was the biggest one of all… But thank you for being honest with me.” 

“Not a problem at all, not if it’s for you,” James assured her, finally able to pick his gaze up and meet Roxy’s. “If you don’t want me and Camille to hang out alone, I understand, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner. I wouldn’t want to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, but let me know if your feelings change. How does that sound?” 

For the first time that evening, Roxy’s smile returned, and nothing had relieved James more. 

“Sounds like a good compromise…” His girlfriend agreed, gently reaching for one of his hands and bringing his knuckles to her lips. “You’re good at fighting. I thought there’d at least be some yelling, maybe some crying on my part.”

“Roxy… We’re still not fighting!” He said, taking her hand and pulling her toward the couch in her living room, “Trust me. After years of watching others do it, you learn the right ways and the wrong ways to go about a disagreement.” When she opened her mouth to ask a question about his statement, James plopped down on the cushions, pulling her into his lap. “And I know that this is the part where we kiss and make out.” 

“It’s kiss and makeup, babe.”

“Isn’t that what I said?” 

***

Kendall and Kelly had managed to break Gustavo’s zen spell by cleverly hiring an insult comic to pick apart and destroy the original song he’d written for the New Town High soundtrack. Fortunately - and unfortunately - for the band and their assistant, they’d restored their boss back to his angry, hate-filled glory and now had less than a few hours before the producers of the show arrived to hear the song. 

Working late into the night usually didn’t bother Roxy, it was something she’d been accustomed to back in Minnesota, but she suspected Gustavo’s time of peace had led to a lot of pent-up rage, which he subsequently took out on her in the writer’s room. Even if he did love the song she’d written. 

A few writing and recording sessions later, they’d finished the incomplete lyrics and tracked her guitar portions, and he’d managed to call in the band to add in the rest, while Mr. X and the boys worked on a dance routine for the live performance they’d give the New Town High execs. 

In Roxy’s opinion, “Nothing Even Matters” was one of the best songs she’d ever written, and she had a sneaking suspicion the boys loved it as well. That fact was evident on their faces as they moved about the studio, nailing practice dance after practice dance, even as the sun began to rise. 

While the base storyline came from her conversation with James earlier, she did her best to draw in the show’s current story as well. As of the last episode, Jo and Jett's characters, while being some of the most popular students in school, were facing lots of hate for their relationship after going public. Other students were rooting to see them break up; Relationships between monsters and humans weren’t well-liked, so Roxy channeled their characters’ nothing-can-stop-us attitudes and blended that into the lyrics. 

When the show producers arrived and the boys gave their performance, Roxy, Kelly, and Gustavo anxiously sat in the sound booth with them. 

“That’s just what we were looking for!” One of the men claimed at the conclusion of the performance, “And perhaps Big Time Rush will make a guest appearance in our school dance episode…” 

At the notion, Roxy squealed as she jumped out of her seat, moving to stand beside her bosses as they shook on the business deal. 

Music and screen exposure? We sure are headed for the big time.

She knew the boys could see her practically jumping up and down through the glass into the studio, but she let Gustavo deliver the big news this time around.

Pressing the microphone button, Gustavo announced, “Looks like our song is gonna be on TV!”

A chorus of cheers broke out in the boys’ room, as the three moved from the recording room to the dance studio. 

“And forget what I said about wanting you dawgs, and Roxanne, to change. Let’s just stay our usual, annoying selves.”

“Good!” Carlos cried, “‘Cause I am done taking advice from birds!”

Pulling his large hand mirror out of his back pocket again, James reverted back to talking with his mirror. “James and I totally agree, don’t we Rox?” 

He turned it her way, framing her features into the little reflective circle, “Yeah… I’m tired of pretending I don’t love participating in their schemes.” 

“And I can get all the swagger I need with a simple pair of shades!” Shared Logan, taking his black aviators from where they hung on his button-up and popping them on. 

James put his mirror down and looked helplessly at his girlfriend, “Feeling woozy…”

The thud that resounded in the studio after his body hit the floor rang in her ears, and she ran to his side to help him back up. 

“Okay, no shades…” The studious boy decided and Roxy did her best to hold James back up, but out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Kendall and Carlos push them back onto his face. James lost consciousness again, almost taking her down with him this time, and she stumbled a bit to regain her balance. 

“Guys! Knock it off!” She called, reaching in front of Kendall to try and snatch the glasses off Logan’s face. 

Easily, Kendall blocked her hand, and trapped her arms at her sides with a bear hug, teasing, “I thought you said you loved our schemes?” 

“Not this one!” 

Laughter rose from her friends, and once she stopped struggling against Kendall’s grip, Roxy realized she was laughing too. The euphoric feeling of a job well done washed over all of them, including James once he popped back up. 

One of my songs on a TV show… Does it get any better than this?

***

“Roxanne!” 

Though he stood right beside her in her kitchen, James hissed out Roxy’s name as she pulled the strawberry she’d been holding out of the marshmallow fluff container on the counter. 

Since they’d worked through the night, Gustavo had given them the day off, and James had decided the best use of their time together would be a Star Wars marathon in 2-H. Apparently, he had found it appalling she hadn’t seen any of the six films and sought to rectify that immediately. 

Ignoring his words while she took a bite, she shoved him with her shoulder before taking a piece of pineapple from the tray she’d put together in the kitchen and dipping it into the sweet dip. “What? You like healthy things and I like sugary things! Is this not the perfect blend of both?” 

“You dipped that strawberry in twice!” He accused, pointing a finger her way, “Double dipper!”

With a drawn-out bite of her pineapple, her eyes flickered to where he stood beside her, “James. Your tongue was in my mouth not even five minutes ago.”

“That is so different!” 

“Oh, yeah?” She dared to step back and poke his arm with a teasing grin, glancing over to the TV with a paused image of Luke, Han, Leia, and Chewbacca in the Millennium Falcon. “How?” 

James faltered, his argument taking more than it should have to construct itself inside his brain, and when his mouth opened in response, Roxy picked up a strawberry and popped it right in. 

“Ha! You can’t think of anything! Just admit it - It’s the same thing!” Taking the berry in his mouth, James made a display of slowly chewing and swallowing, staring right at her with narrowed eyes, before he reached out and stuck a finger in the marshmallow fluff. 

“Dude-” She started to protest, about to inform her how that was way grosser than double dipping, but he took a quick step toward her and smeared it on her cheek. 

Now it was her turn for her mouth to hang open, this time in disbelief as he snickered at her expense. She couldn’t even think of a way to retaliate before his snickers turned into full-on waves of laughter and he moved again, this time catching her around the waist, hauling her back over to the couch as she screamed about how she was going to kill him.

“This makeup is expensive, you know! You can’t just go around ruining it!” Roxy chastized, legs kicking wildly in the air, though she was giggling now as he let her fall on her back onto the cushions below. 

As his knees slid over her hips, he shook his head, “Didn’t do anything to you…” before leaning down and licking the small amount of dip off her blushing cheeks. 

“God, you’re so annoying-” 

James shut her up with a kiss, and suddenly, Roxy didn’t feel like complaining anymore. 

Just as her hands clumsily fumbled out to find the hem of his shirt to slip under, a sharp knock rapped at her door, giving them both of them pause. 

Looking toward the sound, James just shook his head, diving back down to press a trail of open-mouthed kisses down her throat and whispering, “They’ll go away.” 

But they didn’t, because as her hands found their destination, the knocking came again. 

His sigh was unmistakable, but James pulled away from her regardless, looking between his girlfriend and the door. “Expecting someone?” 

Sitting up, Roxy ran a hurried hand through her hair to smooth it out, finding it nearly impossible to take her eyes off James. Flushed cheeks, pink lips, chest heaving… Whoever was at the door better be delivering the most important news of their life if they were dragging her away from all that. 

Reluctantly, she stood up and willed her legs to move her forward, shaking her head at James’ question. 

When she turned the lock, popping the door open just wide enough to see who was on the other side, her good mood instantly dissipated. 

“Hey, Roxy!” Mag McAllister stood in the hallway, dazzling smile as blinding as ever. He always was quite the charmer, and his pretty boy good looks had earned Brand New Day more than one important booking in the past. 

She should’ve shut the door in his face, or maybe reached forward and poked one of his sapphire blue eyes out, but the emotional whiplash she was experiencing gave her pause, so he continued.

“Long time no see, huh? I wish we had more time to talk at the radio station, but, you know, duty calls! It’s pretty crazy L.A.’s number one morning show wanted us on so early in BND’s career… They haven’t even had Big Time Rush yet, right?”

Roxy blinked, doing her best to appear unphased by his visit. “What do you want? I’m busy.” 

“Always right down to business with you…” He trailed off, reaching into the pocket of his blue and gold flannel before fishing out an envelope. “As you may have heard, our first album is coming out at the end of the week. Galactic Records is throwing us a huge party, so we thought we’d invite you and celebrate this accomplishment together.”

Snorting, because she thought he was joking, Roxy made a big show of rolling her eyes, but Mag continued to hold out the invitation. While the promise of a party did catch her attention, he must’ve been crazy if he thought she would be interested in attending. 

Her mouth was dry. “Mag. You’re not actually serious.”

“Sure I am!” He shot right back, “Dani and I want you there. You were a huge part of our band’s beginning and we want to show our appreciation. This is a huge milestone for the two of us.”

The two of us. That phrase alone knocked the remaining wind out of Roxy’s lungs, and she did her best to bring her focus back to the conversation at hand.

“Unless… You don’t think it is? I know your band already has one album out, but you can’t forget about the little guys too.”

Gritting her teeth at the insinuation, Roxy put on her best fake smile and reached to accept the invitation. “No, it is. Tell Dani I said ‘Congratulations.’”

Mag’s eyes widened, sparkling in that annoying way she once wrote songs about. “So you’ll come?”

“Big Time Rush is very busy… I’ll have to check my schedule,” Roxy admitted, honestly, before feeling the need to tack on, “And I need to see if my boyfriend’s free. I do get a plus one, right?”

“Boyfriend?” 

The writer relished in the sound of his surprise as she continued to keep that smile on her face. “James Diamond, you met him at the station.

The boy in the hall cocked his head to the side, tight curls flying in the same direction, “Is that the one who wears the helmet?” 

“No. He’s the one on the cover of Teen Vogue this month.” 

It technically wasn’t a lie if all of the band was on the cover… In a small picture in the corner. But Mag would never know the difference. He used to poke as much fun as he could at anything mainstream, including the “girly” magazines Roxy would always bring to band practice. 

“Ooh,” He pretended to sound like that mattered in the slightest. “You always had a thing for musicians… How exciting that must be.”

That was something she didn’t even want to dignify with a response. He knew exactly what he was getting at with those words and now, she wanted to step outside and poke out both his eyes. 

“Which songs do you think we should play at the party to showcase our work? ‘From Me To You, With Love or ‘Heartswell Summer?’ Maybe ‘Baby Blue’ or ‘Into the Night?’’”

When she slammed the door in his face, his laughter echoed out in the empty hallway, “Rox, come on! It was just a joke!”

“Go to hell!” She yelled back and threw the invitation in the kitchen trash bin without another word. 

  In her living room, James was standing now, brows knit while his girlfriend strode over to the couch behind him and sat down, beginning the movie again. 

After a few moments, she noticed his hands flex, but he sat back down beside her, draping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her into his chest. 

Roxy was shaking, but neither of them mentioned it. 

“I never knew Harrison Ford was so hot,” She said, trying to break at least a little bit of the tension she felt in the air. 

Turning to James, his eyes were still glued on the screen, and she watched his throat work once, twice. “Just wait until we watch the prequels… Then we can talk about Hayden Christensen.” 

Though she nodded and tried to keep her focus on the movie, Mag’s words had their desired effect. Until then, she had wondered if they’d use any of the songs in the book he’d taken from her, but specifically naming those erased any doubt in her mind. 

Brand New Day was releasing their first album and it sounded like it was full of songs Roxy had written.

--

thanks for reading <3 likes are appreciated and be sure to leave a comment so i know people are still reading lol

[subsidystadium]

If the current San Antonio Spurs arena never lived up to its economic promises, why would another new arena be any different?

The San Antonio Express-News continues to write article, after article, after article on the Spurs’ interest in moving to a new arena. As time goes on, more and more of these articles include statements that a new arena could be a “potential downtown revitalization project” that brings “together sports, dining and drinking”. The Spurs believe that a new arena would “revitalize downtown”. Except,…

[confusedananass]

Steps in After Effects after the cut.

(instagram)

Created my illustration in Adobe Illustrator at first but then remade a few elements on After Effects because it's easier to animate it.

Created a solid layer, slapped some looping texture over it.

To create those circling lines:

I created one line with a Pen Tool and added a Repeater animator to it;

Went to Contents → Repeater 1 → Set Copies to 42;

Then went to Transform: Repeater 1 and set the Position to 0.0 and Rotation to +10;

And animated its rotation from the center;

To create moving circles:

I created some random sized circles on one shape layer in the places I wanted. Now the fun part is to make them move around randomly on a 10 second loop (or however long you want it to be);

I found the Position parameter of every circle I created (you can use search function) and added this expression to one of them:

freq = 1; amp = 30; loopTime = 10; t = time % loopTime; wiggle1 = wiggle(freq, amp, 1, 0.5, t); wiggle2 = wiggle(freq, amp, 1, 0.5, t - loopTime); linear(t, 0, loopTime, wiggle1, wiggle2)

Then Left-Clicked on it and selected Copy Expression Only;

And then pasted it onto the rest of the Positions;

Then search for the Scale parameter and do the same but with the amplitude of 50 this time (amp = 50);

Copy the expression and paste it on the rest of the Scales;

To create twinkling lights:

Created a circle, added Pucker & Bloat animator, set the Amount to -85;

Added some keyframes on Scale animation so it would go from 100% to 0% to a 100% again every 20 frames;

Added loopOut() expression to Scale so it would twinkle forever;

Added the same expression to Position parameter as I did on the circles (amp 30) so it would randomly move around;

Also added these effects on a circles layer to style it a little:

Echo - Echo Time (seconds) -0.020; Number Of Echoes - 3; Echo Operator - Composite In Back; (creates copies of my animation and spreads them out over time which creates this light trailing effect);

Roughen Edges - Border 6; Edge Sharpness 10; Fractal Influence 0.2; Scale 10; Complexity 2; (gives them more organic look);

And then I added Adjustment Layer over the whole project and added these effects:

Noise - Amount 5%;

Posterize Time - 12;

Roughen Edges - Border 2; Edge Sharpness 5; Fractal Influence 0.2; Scale 10; Complexity 2;

Turbulent Displace - Amount 2; Size 100; Complexity 1;

Turbulent Displace 2 - Amount 30; Size 2; Complexity 2;

[ahriloosey]

Todos os mods que uso no The Sims 4

» MODS PARA O CAS:

Fundo default para o CAS:

https://ellcrze.tumblr.com/post/721970601223438336/minimalist-cas-background

CAS Lighting:

https://simplyanjuta.tumblr.com/post/668662872078974976/cas-lighting-spotlight-daylight-variants

More Columns:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/more-columns-in-27751117

Almofada Default Para Bebês de Colo:

https://simbeeez.tumblr.com/post/712337094680477696/floral-boppy-pillow-infant-cas-prop

CAS Unlocks:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/34827823

Tidy (Organizador de Conteúdos Personalizados):

https://sparrowcc.tumblr.com/

No EA Lashes:

https://kijiko-sims.tumblr.com/post/663751056760635392/ea-eyelashes-remover-mod-updated

» TELA DE CARREGAMENTO E MAPAS:

Tela De Carregamento:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/studio-ghibli-61023215

Mapas Mais Bonitinhos:

https://simscommunity.info/2023/03/02/sims-4-map-replacements/

» MODS BÁSICOS:

MC Command Center:

https://deaderpool-mccc.com

Better Exceptions:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/better-v2-03-52688481

Wonderful Whims:

https://wonderfulwhims.com

UI Cheats:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/ui-cheats-v1-16-26240068

XML Injector:

https://scumbumbomods.com/xml-injector

Mood Pack:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/mood-pack-mod-v1-43759541

Pose Player:

https://sims4studio.com/thread/2617/andrews-studio

Teleport Any Sim:

https://sims4studio.com/post/72734

Free Camera Mod:

https://modthesims.info/download.php?t=536953

Full Control Camera:

https://ravasheen.com/download/iso-love-photos-full-control-camera/?utm_content=cmp-true

Smaller Plumbob:

https://illogicalsims.tumblr.com/post/180066132834/smaller-plumbobs-randomly-found-that-you-could

» SHADERS:

Reshade:

https://reshade.me

Preset Que Eu Uso:

https://neecxle.tumblr.com/post/659526619226128384/bohodreams

» MODS DE GAMEPLAY:

Call To Meal:

https://littlemssam.tumblr.com/post/175406887453/choose-who-you-call-to-meal-this-tuning-mod-lets

Better Reactions:

https://lotharihoe.tumblr.com/post/644749389427048448/better-reactions-download-google-drive-patreon

Children Can Cook:

https://modthesims.info/d/658947/children-can-cook.html

Everyone Can Sleep Together:

https://modthesims.info/d/641369/everyone-can-sleep-together.html

First Impressions:

https://lumpinoumods.com/2020/12/08/first-impressions-mod/

Food Delivery:

https://littlemssam.tumblr.com/post/175409490398/littlemssams-food-delivery-service-order-more

Food Texture:

https://utopiamordor.blogspot.com

Ghosts Can Have Babies:

https://modthesims.info/d/602411/ghosts-can-have-babies.html

Go For A Walk With Dogs Will Fill Up Needs:

https://littlemssam.tumblr.com/post/175411275238/go-for-a-walk-with-dogs-will-fill-up-needs-going

Housewarming Party:

https://littlemssam.tumblr.com/post/175403169118/housewarming-party-instead-of-welcome-wagon

Longer Parties & More Guests:

https://modthesims.info/d/558097/longer-parties-amp-more-guests.html

Loud Noise Reaction:

https://modthesims.info/d/605017/bugfixes-it-s-a-crying-shame.html

Moveable City Living Objects:

https://modthesims.info/d/588505/moveable-buyable-city-living-apartment-objects.html

No React To Strangers Death:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/bg-no-react-to-30385184

PlantSim Lives:

https://srslysims.net/downloads/plantsim-lives/

Quick Shower:

https://littlemssam.tumblr.com/post/175406394233/quick-shower-quick-bath-this-mod-adds-new

Release all Ghosts & Get Urn for:

https://www.curseforge.com/sims4/mods/rsm-release-all-ghosts-get-urn-for

Remove Sims From Conversations:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/remove-sims-from-62823426

Science Baby Tweak:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/mod-science-baby-80018691

Slow Infant Needs:

https://modthesims.info/d/675613/slow-infant-needs.html

Social Activities:

https://littlemssam.tumblr.com/post/175408773833/social-activities-visit-friends-family-and

Spend Weekend With:

https://littlemssam.tumblr.com/post/179252225808/spend-weekend-with-send-your-kids-away-to-visit

Teen Parenting Skill:

https://littlemssam.tumblr.com/post/175409100748/parenting-skill-for-teens-more-this-mod-unlocks

Ultrasound Scan:

https://littlemssam.tumblr.com/post/175410620123/ultrasound-scan-pregnant-sims-can-do-a

Variable Default Relationships:

https://scumbumbomods.com/variable-default-relationships-mod

[assignmentimprobable]

For people who want to know what’s going on in Palestine, a workup of links across various sources detailing the historical context (which is why some links predate the NOW part of the struggle) between Palestine and Israel. I tried to be as varied as possible with collecting information with some measure of 'good faith' education, but like. My biases are up front, and real, and raw. I'm not gonna shit anybody about where I fall. So take that in mind as much or as little as you like when looking at the links.

Center for Constitutional Rights - The Genocide of the Palestinian People: An International Law and Human Rights Perspective (Pub. August 25, 2016)

https://www.aljazeera.com/amp/program/newsfeed/2023/10/9/israeli-defence-minister-orders-complete-siege-on-gaza

https://x.com/deviIette/status/1718280425640951818?s=20 (Oct 28, 2023)

https://x.com/MSNBC/status/1712911792106602608?s=20 (Oct. 13, 2023)

https://x.com/Raminho/status/1719385390086271164?s=20 (Oct. 31, 2023)

https://x.com/a_leesha1/status/1392969664049946625?s=20 (May 1, 2021)

The Genocide Education Project: Ten Stages of Genocide

What Israel is doing to Palestine? Genocide. There is no right to self defense when you are not only using internationally banned weaponry to systemically wipe a people off a land (while claiming to care about the hostages. Who are also being bombed with the civilians in these attack mind you), but have spent decades in practice of settler colonialism and racial apartheid, limiting the airspace and poisoning land because it isn’t ‘yours’. Argue with the fucking wall.

[saralayne]

We Are (A) Family 🩷

Chapter 8: My Girls

A little fluff as Kelly & Stella prepare for baby girls arrival. Kelly’s nerves start to come through and becomes extra protective.

Stella was reaching 30 weeks along in her pregnancy. Feeling she was growing by the hour on some days. Becoming increasingly more tired. They had moved into their forever home. Unpacking was a slow process. 51 family had come over numerous times to help with the settling in. Cindy and Donna had made many home cooked meals for Kelly and Stella. Kelly was back at work. Stella had scaled back her hours at the firehouse. Not officially starting Maternity leave for a few more weeks. She was concentrating on getting the house ready and nesting for baby girls arrival. Early on in the pregnancy when she first came off active duty, the thought of being alone at home would make her crazy. Always wanting to be around her husband and their 51 family. The firehouse was her safe place. Kelly was. Knowing when he went out on a call, she could keep track of the calls or at the very least able to get immediate updates. Now, she just wanted to make their new home not only her safe place but also their baby girls as well.

Kelly had only had feelings of pure excitement and joy. The dream he always had of being a dad was becoming a reality. Not only becoming a dad, becoming a dad with the love of his life. His wife. The one person in this world who meant everything to him. Life felt perfect. As overjoyed as he is feeling. The feelings of doubt and fear had quietly crept in. Kelly only felt in control of his emotions was when he was making sure Stella and his daughter were always safe and secure. When Stella was at the firehouse. He would be right by her side in the bull pen, even bringing any paper work with him to where she was. Stella would constantly assure him they were both good. Kelly needed to be there to see for himself. On calls, being the lieutenant he is was able to focus on the task at hand. Never putting his team or any possible victims at risk. As soon as the call was over, he was back to shadowing his wife and unborn daughter.

At first, Stella loved the idea of Kelly going into full papa bear mode. He really was going to be the best dad. He has always been protective of Stella even in their early days of their friendship and then even more when they finally got together. So, this didn’t seem odd to her. She knew it would amp up during her pregnancy. Kelly was such a loving man. He was a show you kinda man. But, after they moved into their new house. The protectiveness had escalated and it was becoming stressful. Stella knowing her husband as well as she does. She knew something more was going on inside his head. But knowing her and their baby girl would always be protected and safe was all that mattered.

On this day, Stella had stayed home while Kelly went into shift. Telling him before he left that morning, she had planned on doing some grocery shopping. Spending the rest of the day at home, getting some rest. Giving her husband a soft kiss as he made his way out the door. “Have a good day, my handsome man. We will be waiting for you. We love you” Kelly giving Stella small kisses before a passionate kiss. “I love you. Make sure to call me when you get home from shopping. Do not forget” Kelly using his stern voice. Or as sternly as he could be with her. “Yes, sir”

Stella made her way out the door to do some shopping. As she made her way to the shopping center. As she parked, realizing she had forgotten her phone at home. ‘Oh well’ Stella thought. ‘Pregnancy brain had come out on many occasions recently. Stella started grocery shopping. Got everything she needed. While making her way to her jeep to load groceries, Stella spotted a cute baby boutique store. They had already bought more than enough. But they could never have enough clothes for their baby girl.

It had been a few hours and Kelly had returned from a call. Was doing paperwork. Stella had promised to text him when she returned home. Still nothing. He called her twice and sent a couple texts, still with no response. Kelly was really trying to tame his protectiveness. Easier said than done. He was constantly worrying about his girls. He really was already in dad mode. ‘Come on Stella. Call me back’ Even if she was still out shopping, she would of seen all the missed calls and texts.

Stella returned back to their house. It took two trips to bring groceries and baby girl purchases into the house. As she left bags on the counter, noticing her phone. She then saw the missed calls and texts. Knowing her husband was most definitely in a slow panic. He was so protective in recent weeks. Picking up her phone, dialing Kelly’s number. Kelly answering before the first ring had begun.

“STELLA. Thank god. Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

“Babe. I’m so sorry. I accidentally left my phone at home. I didn’t realize until I had already gotten to the store”

“Stel. You can’t do that to me. You know how I am lately”

Stella laughing at her husbands over protectiveness.

“Kelly. I know. I’m sorry. We are both more than OK. My pregnancy brain is in full gear apparently”

“I know baby. My girls are good and that’s all that matters. So what extra stuff did you buy? I’m sure whatever you bought we absolutely needed, right?”

“Of course. We can never have enough adorable outfits for our princess”

“Yes Stel. Of course.”

“I will see you when I get home. I love you both, my beautiful girls”

“We love you too”

Stella knew Kelly would never stop with his protective ways and that gave her butterflies. Knowing how much he loves her and their baby girl. He was going to be the best daddy. Stella couldn’t wait for them to meet their princess and start this incredible journey together.

[rhafael19]

“LIFE DESTINATION FROM KIDS TO TEENAGER”

Hi! My name is Rhafael T. Añasco 19 years old livin’ in bout punta engaño lapu lapu city I wanna share my story and experiences in life here in tumblr.What is my ethic/behavior?What make me happy?What is my goal?What is my biggest fear?What is the purpose of my life?What armor I wear by facing battle?Who motivate me?

When I was a kids I experience a lot of funny games such as patintero,tumbang preso,dodge ball,tagu-taguan,langit-lupa,bahay-bahayan,tsato,luksong baka, and agawan base together with my childhood friends We play outside the house or a playground area.Sometimes I hide from my mother to go outside our house to play and walking around with close friend and we’re going to beach/sea to swim and catching fish,sea shell and seaweed,

In the evening I’ll go to computer shop to play online or offline games I’m addicted of computer by playing dota 2,crossfire and rules of survival,almost 5-10 hours time minimum before leaving on the computer coffee shop then after playing computer I’ll go to house hiding my mom and my father bags so i got coins or money to go back in computer shop haha!sorry for this guyss i know it’s wrong doings but I never do it again.Through my challenges and fun moment during my childhood I learn a lot and I realized to myself that this is wrong doings.Now since I am matured I develop myself of who I am I know now what’s wrongs and what’s right and I can handle pressure and responsibility physically,emotionally,spiritually

Since I am leveling of stages of adulthood I need to be more independent person,I need to find way with my own to have an stable financial,stable life and stable place,By the teach,guidance,love,advice and protection of my parents for my future life I am proud and grateful to my beloved parents for everything they have done on me I had learnings and realization that needed to apply to myself through of it I become a stronger person,I am responsible person,I am hardworking,I am dreamers,I prayed to our father god in heaven to please keep me,protect me,guide me and also my family,friends,teachers and neighbor put them in a safety place and help me god to achieve/fulfill my dreams and goals in life to make my parents proud and show their smile on me,No one can be successful without god So I put god center of everything to keep fighting in every battles in life,

The behavior that I have are I am kind,lovable,respectful,funny and responsible this moral ethics could grab me up to be a successful and to build truly person that genuinely love me.My biggest fear is letting my parents or leaving them,no matter what happen in life I continued reaching my dreams/goals in life.My purpose here on earth is to help my family and others lives to be feel the happiness and peaceful life.In addition I have 13 siblings before,but now 12 siblings remaining because my brother passed away last November 12,2022 During this time I am in the school and then I feel my bags vibrating/ringing so I get my phone and my sisters call me she said “Rhafael Uli diri sa balay,I said ngano man te?imo brother Wala na patay na!???…I said what’s is it true?are you sure?cramming and cryinggg.I go to my teacher to ask about this situation that I need to leave now teacher because my brothers die now my sisters call me I need to go home na,teacher:shocking ok langga amping ka ha,Gracelyn also text/chat me that my brothers die so I walk fast to go home while I’m crying My family said your brothers/wala na si rodel patay na I cry a lot of tears inside my room and I don’t know what I feel,I see the wall in 10-20 minutes tulala,How many hours my brothers sleeping in his coffin forever I cry I cry I cry and I feel sad that moment.

Lastly Since birth I am single and if you have plan to be with me let’s go together aw hahah,I love you to those people who truly loves me back much appreciated especially my parents who sacrifice,and effort of mine Labyou Ma and Pa,Belated Valentines Day ❤️💐

[bruuberrycc]

OS MELHORES MODS P/ THE SIMS 4 JOGO BASE! + GAMEPLAY COM  GRAVIDEZ, RELACIONAMENTO E SAÚDE REALISTA

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Mais traços: https://www.patreon.com/posts/more-traits-in-62838078

Ficar parado no CAS: https://modthesims.info/d/630172/stand-still-in-cas-shimrod101-amp-shooksims.html

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Ui cheats: https://www.patreon.com/posts/ui-cheats-v1-34-26240068

SimDa - App de Namoro: https://littlemssam.tumblr.com/post/175413426238/simda-dating-app-simda-dating-app-can-help-you

MBTI: https://www.patreon.com/posts/62004964 Tradução: https://ayrthwil.tumblr.com/post/688041103134425088/mbti-personalities-zero-coloque-os-arquivos-da

Relation Ship and Pregnancy Overhaul: https://amazonidagirl.tumblr.com/post/669147078628442112/descri%C3%A7%C3%A3o-do-mod-woohoo-wellness-pregnancy  Tradução: https://amazonidagirl.tumblr.com/post/669147105773928448/relationships-pregnancy-overhaul-aka-woohoo

Wonderful Whims: https://amazonidagirl.tumblr.com/post/666856945675911168/wonderful-whims-wonderfulwhims-por-turbodriver  Tradução: ainda não encontrei :(

Mod Bônus - Mc Command Center: https://deaderpool-mccc.com/#/releases Melhores configurações Mc Command Center:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUFxNF00kIg&t=643s