#AND THEY CAN TAKE THIS JOURNEY TOGETHER YOU SEE
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pandora-writes-one-piece · 3 days ago
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The Meet Cute - Law's Story - Epilogue
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Source for pic
The Great Pretender Epilogue
Word Count: 4679
Tags For The Whole Story: Fem!Reader; Law is a soft dom; you have bratty tendencies (not all the time); voice kink; praise kink; cursing; very suggestive behaviour and innuendo from the start; sexual tension; teasing; so much flirting; romance; slow-burn; fluff; slight angst; mature audiences (though explicit NSFW moments will be properly tagged on the chapter); possessive Law; protective Law; soft Law; teasing Law; manipulative Doflamingo; inappropriate Doflamingo; fake relationship trope; only one-bed trope; reader has some anxiety issues; reader is a control freak and perfectionist; modern day AU; Mention of ex mentally abusive relationship;
Special Warning: English is not my first language, I apologise for any possible spelling or grammar mistakes.
Summary: After moving away from the hustle and bustle of Grand Line City to help your father around the property following a horse-riding accident - and in the hopes of healing your broken heart after your asshole ex-fiancé cheated - you settle into the country calmness of the Calm Belt. You and Law (your father's doctor) start to build a flirty friendship because of your father’s procedure. So much so that when he’s invited to Baby 5’s wedding (his cousin), he asks you to be his date. His uncle Doflamingo - who is filthy rich - is very adamant on finding a suitable wife for him. Seeing as he wants to avoid that, he asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend for the weekend.
Notes: This is it, everyone! The end! Oh, I'm so emotional right now. Maybe I should've hold off a bit before posting this, but I really wanted to share it with you all. Honestly, I hope you love it. Please tell me all about it in a comment, or in an ask, in a DM, whatever you feel like it, I would like to know if this made you feel happy, sad, angry, all of the above! But ultimately, I want to thank each and every one of you for taking this journey with me!
|Masterlist| | |Chapter 17|
Law’s hands slither to your waist, his touch far more rattled than his usually composed embrace. He steps impossibly closer, and your back presses flush against the door while an almost soundless whimper escapes your lips. He uses that opening to slide his tongue into your mouth, and you sigh into his kiss. 
You’ve missed this.
The easy way you two fit together, the warmth of his body pressed against yours, the urgency in each touch and each kiss. 
But as your fingers entwine in his hair, they ground you in a harsh reality: Doflamingo. You need to stop this. 
Parting the kiss with a groan, you lower your gaze, breathless and dazed, trying hard to compose your thoughts so you can utter intelligible words. “Law… Law!” You urge, removing your hands from the temptation of feeling more of him against your skin and trapping them against your legs in closed fists. “We can’t.”
Yet he doesn’t heed your words. His hands go back to cupping your cheeks, lifting your face to his and claiming your lips once more, like he’s a man dying of starvation and you’re his only source of sustenance. “Hush, love. Later.” Then he feeds some more on your luscious lips, his source of life.
Your legs lose strength, and so does your determination. Surely a few more stolen kisses and touches won’t do much harm? The damage is already done, and you’re only going to do damage control.
Just a few more kisses…
No.
“Law!” You say more firmly, your hands pressing against his chest to keep him a breath away. “Please… we can’t do this.” Your plea is nothing more than a broken whine, and that seems to catch Law’s attention. 
“What’s wrong?” He asks, his voice deep with want and need, filled with longing and despair. 
Deep breaths.
“Please, Law. Pretend I wasn’t here. We can’t do this. I’m not supposed to be near you, I wasn’t even supposed to speak with you, let alone kiss you!” Your watery eyes are already producing more tears, so Law takes a step back.
“So it is my uncle, isn’t it?” You nod, too scared to say anything else. This fleeting moment felt like a dream, a small interlude in the abyss of pain that surrounds you, but you can’t let it linger. “What did he say he’d do to you? I’ll talk to him, I–...”
Shaking your head, you try to think about how much you should share with Law, but he doesn’t let you think, much less speak. 
“I can’t bear to be apart from you anymore, not when I know that nothing happened, not when I know you still love me… I can make him retract his threats, he’ll listen to me.”
Oh, how you want to hope. The words Law weaves are beautiful, like a siren song to your ears, but you know Doflamingo won't give up that easily. He decided you are not worth his nephew’s time, so he’ll never relent. You know enough about manipulative, arrogant men to understand they never give up once they set their mind to something.
You wish you didn’t know, though. 
“What did he say? What threats did he make? Was it about your father?” A low rumble rolls in waves from his chest before he speaks. “Was he threatening you directly? Your health?”
You keep shaking your head, he’ll never get there alone if you don’t say something. Even if Law doesn’t trust his uncle, those family values Doffy instilled in him are still very strong. 
He lets his thumb graze your lips again, a show of the deep devotion he feels, once more making true to his claim of not being able to part with you. “What is it, then? Tell me.”
A heavy sigh signals your resignation. Your fingers climb up his jawline in a sweet caress, but you still try. One last effort to keep him away, even though it will destroy you both. Gently twirling his earring, you soften your gaze. 
“We don’t have a future together, Law…” The words are like ash in your mouth, leaving it dry and unsavoury, crumbling into a pile of lies you never meant to build.
To his credit, though, he doesn’t even flinch. “Stop it, sweetheart. That’s not going to work.” Law presses his forehead against yours again, and his sigh breathes life into you. Obviously, it wouldn’t work. You weren’t even trying.
“He… your uncle threatened to destroy your clinic, Law… all your work, just gone!”
Law takes a step back, his eyes widening slightly for a fraction of a second, but his control quickly falls into place as he subtly nods, like he almost couldn’t believe it but ultimately expected something of the sort. 
“I could deal with whatever threat he made towards me. Thanks to you, I know just how strong I can be… but… but not a threat to everything you’ve been working for, Law! I could never jeopardise what you’ve built! And now…” You try to hold your grief back by hugging yourself.
“My clinic? He would stoop that low…?” His hand tousles his hair as the familiar crease between his brows returns. 
“He did. And that’s why I’ll leave and never come back. We can pretend nothing happened, we just can’t see each other again and–...”
“Sweetheart…”
“He won’t find out! Or even if he somehow realises I came here, once we never speak to each other again, he won’t fulfil his threat!”
“Love!”
“We just… we just…” You exhale half a sob and tighten your grip on yourself. “It’s simple, really… you carry on with your life, and I–...”
The authoritative way in which he speaks your name makes your thoughts stop spiralling and your lips stop rambling. With a firm touch, Law disentangles your arms from around your frame and wraps them around his waist, stepping closer to you, his amber gaze never leaving yours. 
“I don’t know where you got the silly notion that I care more about my work than I care for you, but it’s not true.” Law laces his fingers through your hair as he settles his hand on your nape. His other hand gently caresses your cheek, your jaw, your collarbone… a lover’s touch.
Something you can never give up, no matter how hard you try to do what’s right for him. 
“But, Law–...”
“No buts, sweetheart. What do I always tell you?” A smirk twists his lips upwards, and warmth fills your chest, already expecting the words that come next. “I got this.”
And for the first time in what feels like forever, a real smile pulls at the corners of your lips as he takes them in another searing kiss. He’s got this. He’s Trafalgar Law, there’s nothing that can stop him.
-*-
You and Law lose track of time in each other’s arms. You couldn’t keep your hands to yourselves when you were together for twenty-four hours, let alone now that you’ve been apart for so long. 
He continuously assures you that he will speak with his uncle in person, but somehow, your fears have been assuaged. As usual Law’s cool and calm approach to things grounds you and stops you from spiralling too hard.
When he finally goes to his desk to cancel any appointments he has for tomorrow, since he plans to go to the city to talk with Doflamingo, he lets out a muffled curse followed by a chuckle. 
“It’s past closing time, love.”
What? You’ve been lost in each other for hours? How can that be? Fishing your phone from the back pocket of your jeans, you confirm the time and see the messages Shanks left for you. Most of them are happy emojis and encouraging words. Then there’s one that says he’s going to take the truck home and that you should get a ride to Law’s apartment, followed by some winky emojis and a speech about safety and protection that you choose to ignore. 
But Law is probably thinking about the same thing because he’s shutting down his computer and the lights, his hand stretched out for you to grab as he navigates you both through the dark clinic, locking up behind him. 
You can still feel a little prickle of uncertainty twisting your stomach, a shiver of dread still coursing through your veins, but Law’s presence is steady and solid. 
He’s got this.
-*-
Law grits his teeth together as he crosses and uncrosses his legs for the umpteenth time in the span of ten minutes. He shouldn’t be this nervous. It’s not the first time he’s faced his uncle to stand on something he believes in. 
Though he’s never really won any of those battles. Not on his own, anyway. Cora was always there to vouch for him, help him, and calm tensions when they inevitably started to climb. 
Law and Doffy can never have a serious conversation without it completely escalating. 
That’s why it’s so paramount that today he’s able to stay cool and collected. He needs to win this battle. And if he can keep his cool together for everyone else, why should his uncle be any different?
Still, he can’t help the uneasiness from making him slightly nauseous, so he cracks his neck with a slow, rotating motion to try and ease off the edge. Doflamingo is making him wait on purpose, he knows that. 
He just needs to remain calm. 
“Mr. Trafalgar, your uncle is ready to see you now.”
Law inhales sharply as he gets up and buttons his black blazer. He’s got this.
He’s been to his uncle’s office quite a few times, but the opulence of it never ceases to amaze him. It’s a penthouse office, bigger than some people’s houses. Its windows go from top to bottom and overlook the busy streets below, like a reminder that Doffy is always above everyone else. 
Doflamingo doesn’t get up from behind his desk to greet him. He peers at Law from behind his tinted glasses, an eerie smile twisting his lips upwards as he leans back in his chair, fingers entwining in his lap.
“Well, well, well… if it isn’t my dear nephew. What brings you to the city, Law?” Then he gasps as he moves forward, and Law takes his seat across from him. “No, that’s not the real question. What I mean is: what brings you to your family’s firm? A place you tend to avoid, even when you’re required…?”
Law knows Doflamingo is very aware of why he’s there. Actually, Law is pretty sure Doffy already knows you and Law connected, but he doesn’t plan on showing all of his cards right now.
“You know why I’m here, Doffy.”
“Yes. And alone. How surprising.” Doffy chuckles slowly. “You’re finally becoming a big man? You don’t need the support of my foolish brother to fight your own battles this time?”
He’s taunting Law, trying to distract him, to make him lose control of his emotions, as he so easily and usually does. 
“This is my own battle, and one I don’t intend to lose, Uncle.”
“How daring of you, Nephew.” Doffy relaxes back into his chair again, one hand absently caressing his jaw as he regards Law with interest. “Speak your terms, I’m all ears.”
“I know you tried to push her away from me. I know it was you who orchestrated that performance, perfectly played by Vinsmoke. I know, Uncle.”
Doflamingo smiles, and Law almost perceives a hint of pride behind the light lenses. 
“What you need to know is that I can make my own choices, even if they hurt me, even if they’re the wrong choices, I have to make them. You can’t protect me from everything, especially when the one who ends up hurting me most is you.”
Doffy’s smile falters and he swallows hard.
Law takes another deep breath. “I love her. I want to be with her. She’s not the wrong choice, she was always the right one. Uncle… let me be happy.”
For a fraction of a moment, Law sees a bit of compassion in Doffy’s eyes, but as soon as it appears, it vanishes, replaced by another wicked grin. Law should’ve known better than to expect this to be easy. 
“Love is not the key to happiness, Law. You should know that by now. Love makes you weak, it makes you lose sight of the really important things like–...”
“Power? Wealth? Influence?” Law’s hands turn to fists and he traps them against his lap, trying to control the snarl threatening to break through his clenched teeth. “I know all of that! You’ve been trying to instil those notions on me since I was a ten-year-old lost boy, filled with grief and guilt from losing my family!”
Law’s hands shake, and his chest heaves with effort. He needs to remain calm. He can’t win anything if he loses control, that’s what Doflamingo wants. 
“Yes. No matter how hard you take it, Law, those things are what make the world turn. Power, wealth, and influence are what fuel the hearts of people, and that is what’s necessary to keep you in a position of–...”
“I don’t care, Uncle! I never meant to be a figure of authority or influence! I just want to be happy and save people’s lives!” Law gets up, too fidgety to remain still, and starts to pace the big office. “All I want is for little kids not to have to lose their families to accidents or disease. I want to make a difference…” His shoulders slump as he stops behind the chair he was sitting on, his amber gaze fixed on Doflamingo’s, the cool control completely overrun by raw emotion. “I want her.”
“Are you willing to lose all you’ve worked for just for her?” Doffy’s words are calculating, and Law came prepared for this outcome. It’s not one he wanted. If he could choose, he’d walk away from this meeting with both his clinic and you. But if this is what it takes…
“Yes.”
“Very well, then. Let’s talk. I have a proposition for you.”
-*-
You can barely focus on your job the next morning, and by the time your shift ends and you get home, you’re full on spiralling. Has Law spoken with Doflamingo already? How did it go?
You don’t have any missed calls or messages on your phone, and you don’t want to call him and risk interrupting something, so you have to wait. He told you he’d call once the meeting was over. 
You just have to wait. You can do this.
“Bug? Did you hear a word I said?” Shanks looks at you with a half-smirk painting his lips while you make a mess by pouring coffee onto an upside-down mug.
“Shit!” You mumble before grabbing a rag to clean up the mess while Shanks chuckles. “No, dad, I didn’t, I’m sorry. It’s just…”
“Is everything alright? I thought you and Law had patched things up.”
You smile nervously at him while he helps with the mess. “We did, but… it’s complicated.” Then you explain a bit about Doflamingo and how much influence he holds over Law while you share a mug of coffee. The conversation with Shanks actually helps distract you, and time flies. Though, as soon as your phone starts to ring, you excuse yourself and run outside as Shanks yells at you not to run on the porch steps, something he said every day when you were a little girl. 
“Law?”
“I told you I had this, love.”
Your easy laugh brings tears to your eyes. Of course, he had it. Law’s finally free of his uncle’s threats, and you can stop worrying. 
You have a future. A bright, beautiful future with the man you love. 
It almost seems impossible to believe. 
-*-
Sweat still clings to your bodies as you lie in the crumpled sheets. You’re in Law’s apartment again, and you’re not sure you’ll ever want to spend another night away from him. You’re an adult, so Shanks doesn’t even pry, but you know he’s happy for both of you, since he has a soft spot for Law. 
Lying your head against Law’s chest and hearing his erratic heartbeat after he makes love to you has become something you’re quite addicted to. It’s soothing, grounding, and familiar. He’s your home.
His fingers trace gentle patterns on your naked back as he lays soft kisses on your head, letting you have this moment until his heartbeat retreats to a normal pace. 
“How did you do it?” You were so happy when he returned from his meeting with Doffy that you barely had time to talk about how it went before he dragged you to his bed, chasing away all the tension you had accumulated over the past weeks, making you lose control over and over again until you could barely think.
“We agreed on some terms.” 
“How cryptic.” You tease, moving your head and leaning your chin on his chest so you can gaze into the soft amber of his eyes. “What terms?”
Law sighs, and the crease between his eyebrows forms in record time. Will he ever tell you all the details of what transpired in this meeting?
“I’m going to dedicate much more of my time to the family’s business.” A strained smile forms on his lips, and your heart sinks.
“No, Law! You hate it.”
Cupping your cheek against his palm, he strokes your skin gently. “I do. But it’s a very small price to pay. And I can attend meetings on the computer, so they won’t know if I’m listening or playing solitaire.” He jokes, but you find it hard to laugh. 
“Don’t joke, Law. How about clinic hours? Your hospital shifts?” You don’t want to voice it, but you fear this will also steal the little time you can find on his busy schedule to just be together and ‘date’!
Maybe that was Doflamingo’s plan all along when he agreed to this. 
He kisses the tip of your nose affectionately while you frown. “Don’t worry, love. I’ll still have time for everything.” Once again, he reads you like a book. He knows what you truly meant, even if you were also worried about him not having enough time to dedicate to his patients. “The important thing is that Doffy backed off. He understood I would never give you up and his threats were empty and futile. I won.”
“But so did he, Law… wasn’t that what he wanted all along? For you to dedicate yourself to his business? Hasn’t he been grooming you for that since you were young?”
“Sure. But I’ll say it again: small price to pay.” With a swift movement, he turns you, pinning you under him and slotting himself in the middle of your parted legs, a sly grin curving his lips. “You’re the only thing I can’t afford to lose.”
A wistful sigh escapes your lips as you give up your argument. There’s no point in insisting with him. As long as he’s happy and you’re together, you’re happy too.
“I love you, Law.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.” Law nuzzles his head into the crook of your neck as his tongue swirls sinful patterns on your skin. “Where were we?”
With a giggle you surrender yourself to him. All of yourself, without restrictions, qualms, or fears. Law’s yours, and you’re his.
Not in a possessive, toxic way, but in a way that lets you know both of you would go to the ends of the earth and back if that’s what it took to be close to one another. 
-*-
Weeks pass slowly, and as you predicted, you spend most nights at Law’s. He is busier, there’s no denying it. Even though he tried to downplay it at first, his involvement with the family’s business takes more of his time than either of you wished.
But you both manage. Law learns to stamp his feet now and then, demanding more free time, and it seems Doflamingo likes it when he’s assertive because he grants him just that. Though you suspect Cora also plays an important part in keeping Doffy in check.
You both go on a lot of dates. And if at first it seems a little silly, since you skipped a lot of steps, it soon becomes endearing. Law brings you flowers and picks you up at Shanks’ as if you’re still getting to know one another.
That makes Shanks laugh, and he fake-threatens Law to bring you back before curfew and treat you like a lady, ‘or else’, knowing well enough that you’ll be spending the night away. But Law plays into the act and promises he’ll behave.
He doesn’t.
And that’s the first time you have car sex with Law. 
He takes you to expensive places to eat and to food trucks. You watch movies at the theatre and at drive-ins. There are walks in the park and sweet weekend escapades to whimsical locations or tourist traps. 
It’s blissful. 
You love every second of it, and everything just cements what you knew almost from the beginning. Law is the one. He’s the one you want to spend your life with. 
-*- 
It’s a lazy Sunday. The clinic is closed, and Law has a day off from the hospital. You spent the day baking cookies and bingeing trashy tv shows. Now, you both lie on the rumpled sheets of his bed, the warm glow of the sunset seeping through the curtains of Law’s room, tracing new patterns on his inked chest, which you trace diligently with your fingers. 
Law is eerily quiet, so you prop yourself up on one elbow to gaze into his face. A contemplative look mars his features and he looks deep in thought. For a second, your mind wanders to his uncle, and you’re not sure if you should pry, but before you can ask, Law opens his mouth to speak.
“I never told you much about my parents, have I?” His voice is thick with emotion, and you hold in a breath as well as his gaze.
“No, but it’s alright. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” You realise it’s a touchy subject, something far too painful for him to speak freely about. 
“I need you to know everything about me. I don’t want anything left unsaid between us.” With a nod you wait for him to continue, giving him all the time and space he needs to share what he needs to share. “They were very caring people, full of joy and love, and though they were both doctors and had busy professional lives, they always had time to play with their children. They raised me as a happy child, my sister and me. We would butt heads, as most siblings do, but I loved her to bits and pieces. There was always laughter in our household.”
Your throat feels tight with emotion as Law’s eyes become glassy with unshed tears, the weight of a lifelong pain he can’t shake off. 
“Then it all fell apart. I lost all of them in an instant… and got left behind. For the longest time, I couldn’t understand why I had survived. It was almost as if the universe had made a cruel mistake, because why had they died - when they were wonderful people - and I had been the one to survive? It didn’t make sense.”
You can’t stop the trembling of your lips, but you squeeze Law’s hand, too afraid to say something because you know you’ll just fall apart and he needs to finish sharing. A small smile pulls at his lips as he gazes back into your eyes, a hand lying in a sweet caress on your cheek. 
“One of the reasons I became a doctor was exactly that. To try and make amends, to save others from the same fate that befell me. To repent. Though I never let myself believe I was destined for true happiness.” You can’t stop the tears from falling, staining your cheeks. Law brushes a thumb over them, and his smile deepens. “Until you. You made me believe that maybe fate left me alive for a reason other than just surviving.”
A soft sob shakes your shoulders, and Law gently pulls you to him, kissing your lips softly. You pour all your love into that kiss, he needs to know how much he means to you. There are promises of love between kisses and tears, and it all feels so raw and vulnerable. It warms your heart to understand that Law trusts you enough to share his deepest fears and regrets. 
After an emotional moment, you break the closeness with a sheepish smile. “You know…” You begin in a singsong voice, trying to lighten the mood. “If this were real, this would be the part where I comfort you and say something really deep, but since we’re just pretending…” You trail off, and Law chuckles, your words relieving him of the burden of the past as he brushes a strand of hair from your eyes. 
“If this were real,” he teases, entering your game with a glint in his eyes, “this would be the part where I tell you that the universe placed you in my path because we were always destined to be together.”
A real laugh leaves your lips, and you brush away the last remnant of tears from your eyes. “And if this were real, this would be the part where I’d call you a romantic sap, even though I enjoy it thoroughly.”
Law sits up, his smirk widening as he faces you with affection. “And if this were real, this would be the part where I’d make a grand, romantic gesture just to prove to you how serious I really am.”
A small chuckle escapes your lips, but your breath hitches when Law opens his nightstand drawer, taking out a small velvet box. Your heart races against your chest as you sit up, your smile turning into a surprised awe. 
“And if this were real,” Law continues, his voice deeper, moved by raw emotion as he opens the box. “I’d be holding a ring just like this one.” 
Your breaths leave you in trembling gasps as your eyes dart from the ring to his face and back to the ring again. “Law…” You whisper, throat thick with emotion. 
“And if this were real, love,” he’s also slightly breathless, “this would be where I ask you to marry me.”
Tears spill down your cheeks again, your hand covering your open mouth as you’re overwhelmed with joy and love. All you’ve been through, all the happy times, the uncertainty, the pain… you both came out of it stronger.
“If this were real,” you start, your voice coming between hitches and sobs and the occasional nervous laugh, “this would be the part where I would say yes.”
Law’s smile widens, and with slightly trembling fingers, he grasps your hand and slips the ring into place. You laugh along with a sob, barely believing what’s happening. Then he pulls you into his arms, having you sit on his lap, both with the hugest grins on your faces.
But before he leans in to kiss you, you stop him, a quizzical look on your face. “Just so we’re clear, this is real, right?”
Law’s laugh is like a balm to your soul. A deep, rich timbre that fills your heart and swells, expands, taking over your body and making you feel complete. 
“This is very real, sweetheart, and you’ve just made me the happiest man alive. I love you.”
Wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer, you manage to whisper a shaky ‘I love you too’ before crashing your lips against his. 
If you could’ve saved Shanks the suffering, you would, but you will never not be grateful for the fact that he needed to be operated on by Law, or you wouldn’t have met the man of your dreams. 
THE END
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eriexplosion · 2 days ago
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Okay so something that comes up a lot in discussions of season 3 is that it's rushed or that they had a fourth season cut from production and... I do see where it comes from given how many things just Stop rather than end. But when you look at what does get resolved vs what doesn't, I just don't see it being an issue of having to cut things for time.
When writers find themselves with suddenly much less time to tell a story in, the first thing to go is the extras: the minor subplots, the story and character garnishes, the secondary character arcs. These kind of things get cut in order to focus on the main characters and resolving the primary plot.
TBB season 3 meanwhile INTRODUCES new subplots with the extended journey to get to Tantiss, the force kids, Rampart coming back and resolving his story. It finishes Emerie's subplot to the point that we get her telling us everything she plans to do from here. It takes the time to show us the Durands, the clone kids from season one, putting in Fennec and Ventress. These are the things that get cut when you're running short on time, they're not going to cut a Tech reveal, a resolution to Crosshair's guilt, wrapping up Echo and Rex's story, in favor of a bunch of tiny subplots. That just isn't how cutting things for time works. You start with the small stuff and then work up.
So it leaves us with two paths here, knowing what we did resolve versus what we didn't - 1. This was always the plan and they didn't consider what they produced to be dropping anything, or 2. The series is finished but the story isn't.
I think I've talked about it enough to be clear that I'm leaning heavily towards 2. The interesting thing about tbb season 3 is it's actually not rushed - if anything it's stalling. Getting to Tantiss was as simple as letting Omega's plan work, doing a Tech reveal is as simple as replacing saving the force kids with saving the CXs. Instead we get to drag getting to the facility an extra 3 episodes while Omega deals with this new plot point we only find out about at all in episode 10. We get a whole Fennec episode that serves only to introduce an also unnecessary Ventress episode. We have an entire episode of Crosshair and Omega on the run shenanigans.
So we have plenty of side stuff that works to support the characters but isn't strictly required for the primary plot, and we have a solid handful of main plots (Tech's death being full of holes big enough to sail through, what happens to Echo next, does Crosshair still feel guilty enough to be a death seeker, Wrecker's reaction to anything that happened, most of project necromancer) that go unfinished. In fact the only main series long plot to get resolved is Hunter and Omega's relationship.
That leisurely pace, along with several comments from Jennifer Corbett and Brad Rau about this being the end of a "chapter," is what makes me think that what ended was just Omega's POV being the primary one we experience the story from. The story of trying to find a place within the batch maybe - because regardless of anything else, she's found her place, Crosshair has at least started to find his. Echo is separate from the team but knows that they're always going to be accepted back and will always come when needed. Tech, if he's alive, still has his place on the team - its shown repeatedly that no one can do what he does, his spot is simply not fillable.
A story has resolved. But not ALL of the story. There's more that can be told, and I do think it's very likely they still have plans to tell it. Even if they don't, just going by how season 3 progressed, I think that it's very likely that the biggest change in season 3 was just squishing the original episodes 15 & 16 together into one long episode 15. I don't think that they had to make major last minute cuts for time, because the things that are missing are NOT the things that get cut when trying to cram in too much story. A cut season 4 is the one thing I don't think happened.
What did happen, that's harder to be sure of, but I'm still crossing my fingers for the rest of their story to be told with Rex and Echo's and the rest of the clones. There's a lot more possibility out there.
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crobones · 17 hours ago
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I know Evan's love is toxic. He loves his friends so much that, when they divulge how bad they're feeling - about themselves, about the world around them, about whatever situation they're all stuck in - as opposed to processing these feelings and moving through them to learn and grow, he's like "Nope! Nonstarter, you're amazing and we all love you."
He mentioned it on day one. "There's nothing pleasant in rest." It is a survival tactic. Self-preservation in never staying in one place too long.
But the thing about processing emotions fully is you have to kind of just... sit in it. You need to acknowledge how you feel, understand that dealing with it cannot be avoided or rushed, and take a second to just... stew in it. You can't speedrun every issue in life. And you can't mentslly look at a feeling, point at it, name it, put it to the side, and move on. That's just sweeping the mess under the rug instead of actually cleaning it up.
He's getting close to actually learning how to process emotions, and you can see that when he talks to Sam. But he experienced feeling good all of one time, and decided he never wanted to feel any of his previous sadness ever again. It's an unfortunate trauma response - you tell a person some shit that happened to you and expect them to compartmentalize it just like you did. "Yeah, I got stabbed, but it's fine. Don't worry about it."
It's K's conversation with Tabby about Evan. But, unfortunately, K saw this behaviour in Evan and decided they could fix it for him. But now they realize that that isn't feasible. You can't clean a person's house for them - it's their personal and intimate space and you don't know where everything goes and what's more important to them. Not to mention, it takes away their agency. They dint get to learn how to deal with shit if you just fix it for them.
That's what Evan's doing. Tape shapes aside, he doesn't clean the emotional bullshit, he dumps it all into boxes, throws label on it, and puts it nearly on the pile of a thousand other boxes.
And when Jammer, or Sam, or K gets personal and lets him into their house, well. He wants to be useful. He's looking at the mess, thinks it's a non-issue, throws it in a box for them, and starts a pile. But, they shouldn't worry, he can listen to them describe what the mess is, and he'll put a label on the box for them.
Am I making sense? All of this is dismissive asshole behaviour, but they all know it's well intentioned. They do love each other. The first time he experienced a positive interpersonal interaction, he didn't want to give it up.
Now that they're back, he knows the adventure will come to an end, and that terrifies him. But he's been so task-oriented all his life, any time there's emotions to deal with, he boxes it and puts it aside.
I NEED HIM TO TURN HEEL. IF HE WANTS THE ADVENTURE TO GO ON FOREVER, I'M SURE HE COULD EASILY BECOME THE BAD GUY THEY NEED TO STICK AROUND; TO KEEP THE JOURNEY GOING. BREAK THAT FUCKING WELL, EVAN. NO HESITATION, NO EASING THE WORLD INTO IT - SMASH IT TO BITS ON SIGHT. SUBMIT THE WORLD TO CHAOS.
And what has Sam done every time? She's talked some fucking sense into them. And, well. She's already got a direct line to Evan's most intimate self. They've been in each other's head, they've had their souls entwined with one another. He sees her as the best wizard in the world. What better way to stop Evan from diving head first into the role he's always been afraid of becoming, than making him come to heel and to get his shit together?
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itacats · 1 day ago
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Through Sickness & Solace (mini-series)
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FT: Price x gn!reader
Warnings: being sick (cold), panic cleaning, not cleaning up while sick (?), please let me know if anything else should be here!🙏
A/N: The final story in the series will be out tomorrow, but in the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one! Thank you for sticking with me through the journey so far. I also hope you’re all taking good care of yourselves—whether you’re battling the sniffles or just need a little extra self-care. Stay cozy, and I’ll see you at the finale tomorrow!
SUM: A weekend spent in solitude, where illness and loneliness begin to unravel your sense of independence. As the cold sets in, the familiar comfort of being alone turns into a stark reminder of how much you miss the warmth of companionship, especially the presence of John Price. When he unexpectedly returns early from his mission, his quiet care and tenderness help you realize that strength isn’t always about handling everything alone. Through his gentle attention, you come to understand that allowing others to care for you can be its own form of strength.
Simon Riley Soap MacTavish Gaz Garrick
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Take Care of Yourself
The weekend had always been your fortress, a quiet retreat from the noise of the world. You'd wrap yourself in thick blankets, lose yourself in the soft glow of a candle, and sip tea while sinking into the familiar embrace of your favorite shows. There was a certain kind of peace in the solitude, a chance to recharge, to exist entirely on your terms. But as this particular weekend approached, a shadow of old memories whispered at the edges—recollections of childhood nights spent alone with a fever, a blanket tucked up to your chin, yearning for someone to sit by your side.
John Price’s last-minute mission left you with a familiar pang of emptiness, though he’d promised to be back by Sunday. You missed his steady presence, but the plan was clear: you’d dive into the weekend with Netflix as your companion, tackling the sniffle that crept in on Friday evening. You’d handled worse before—what was a minor cold? Armed with ginger tea and an iron will, you resolved to ignore the ache in your throat, savoring the comfort of your own space.
But Saturday dawned with a vengeance. The cold sank into your bones, each sneeze and cough wearing you down bit by bit. Determined not to let it defeat you, you bundled up with a box of tissues, a steaming bowl of soup, and settled on the couch. Episodes blurred together as you cocooned yourself, losing hours to fictional worlds as your own grew increasingly dim. 
By the time the afternoon waned, your little sanctuary looked more like a battleground. Mugs of half-finished tea cluttered the table, and the tissues piled up like fallen soldiers in the fight against your relentless cold. You wanted to straighten up, but every movement felt like wading through water, your limbs heavy, your mind fogged with fatigue. The more you stayed curled up, the more the silence around you seemed to amplify, filling the room with an eerie quiet that made you long for Price’s laughter, his calming voice. Alone, the sickness crept into your mind as much as your body, filling the silence with a dull ache.
That evening, as your body curled deeper beneath the blankets, the pang of loneliness returned with a biting clarity. You wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling the weight of isolation settling over you like a second illness. It was absurd, you thought—you had long prided yourself on self-sufficiency. But in this weakened state, it hit you: independence wasn’t quite the balm you’d once believed. You missed the warmth, the companionship, the ease of leaning on someone else. You blinked back the sting of tears, vowing that by the time Sunday arrived, you’d have everything back in order, even if it took every ounce of strength you had left.
Sunday evening arrived in a flurry of tissues and empty tea mugs, and the mess felt like a reflection of your own struggle. You looked around in dismay as the familiar comfort of your home had transformed into a chaotic sprawl of sickness. Fever settled in like a heavy fog, pressing on your senses and leaving you teetering between helplessness and frustration. Driven by a sudden burst of energy, you threw off your blankets and clambered to your feet, determined to clean up before Price returned. But every step was a struggle, and as you reached for a mug, dizziness swept over you. You felt yourself wobble, the room tilting—
Then, a familiar creak. The front door opened, and there he stood, John Price, his rugged face softening with a mixture of shock and concern. His eyes swept over the scene before him—your unsteady figure, the scattered mess, the feverish flush on your cheeks. Without a word, he crossed the room, steady hands guiding you back to the couch.
“Whoa, easy there,” he murmured, his voice gentle but firm. “Sit down. Let me handle this.” His hands were a steady warmth as he pressed you back into the cushions, his gaze filled with a tenderness that made you want to cry. 
You tried to protest, a weak murmur of “I can take care of myself,” slipping out between coughs, but the fight was slipping away, and you sagged back into the cushions, allowing him to take the reins.
As he moved through the room, picking up the mugs and clearing the tissues with a quiet efficiency, you watched him through half-lidded eyes. A warm, unfamiliar feeling spread within you, mingling with the fever’s heat. You’d built so much of your life around the idea that strength meant handling things alone, that needing someone else was a sign of weakness. But watching him, hearing the clink of mugs being cleaned and feeling the weight of the blankets he carefully arranged around you, that belief began to unravel. Maybe, you realized, true strength wasn’t about bearing every burden alone.
A quiet sigh escaped you as Price returned, placing a cool hand on your forehead and adjusting the blankets with a gentleness that only heightened your sense of vulnerability. You felt the weight of his presence settle beside you, grounding you, his warmth a silent reassurance.
“Next time, don’t try to be a hero, yeah?” he said, his voice a blend of teasing and concern. His hand lingered, brushing a stray hair from your face, and you managed a small smile, a spark of warmth flickering within. For the first time that weekend, you felt truly at ease, wrapped not just in blankets but in the simple, undeniable comfort of not being alone.
As you drifted off, his voice murmuring softly in the background, the room seemed to breathe with you—a space no longer echoing with loneliness, but instead filled with trust, quiet companionship, and the kind of warmth that went beyond physical comfort. In his presence, the walls of solitude softened, the silence became a gentle hum, and the sickness felt more manageable. You closed your eyes, letting yourself surrender, not just to sleep but to the knowledge that sometimes, strength lay in letting others care for you.
And there, in the quiet glow of the evening, the two of you settled into a new rhythm—a quiet understanding that, at least in moments like these, you didn’t have to face the world alone.
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Here's the current post schedule with some upcoming stories to look forward to!
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amloveabledeathmo · 3 days ago
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Kidnapped Kid-Kili, Fili, and Ori story idea
So we start with Bilbo on his return trip home from a walking journey. He hears shouting off the road but it doesn't sound like hobbits and he decides to investigate in case it's bandits or something that needs to be reported to the Rangers/Bounders.
As he gets closer he can make out what is being said and catches "Well I didn't know that the whole settlement was broke did I! At least we got paid some to take the kids but I say we cut our losses and just kill them and move on!" He hears a few choked sobs at that and spots three dwarf children then and a bit away two adult dwarves who are the ones shouting.
"Shut up! It's no good to scare them more like that! I think we can sell them, maybe at a mannish market." The two adult dwarves continue their argument and Bilbo creeps up to the kids.
"Come along now children lets get you out of here." He whispers as he helps them up and leads them away. He pulls out three extra travel cloaks, he packed heavy due to autumn chill and surprise rainstorms, and has them put the cloaks on. "Now if I tell you to curl up under your cloak on the ground okay?"
The three nod up at him. He leads them to the other side of the road and then past where they were camped. A good half an hour later of walking and he hears a cart approaching and has the kids hunker down while he backtracks some and starts rewalking on the road. The cart comes around the corner Bilbo almost cries in relief. "Hamfast!" he calls as the cart comes to a stop.
"Good to see you Mr. Bilbo, on yer way home?"
"Come on out kids it's just Hamfast, he's safe!" Bilbo calls and turns to Hamfast, "I don't suppose you would be willing to turn around and give us a ride back to Bag End? We really need to get somewhere safe."
Hamfast is of course confused by these dwarf children but agrees and they put them in the back of the cart and hand them a bag full of apples to snack on. As they travel Bilbo fills Hamfast in on what happened. Of course he is horrified, people stealing and then threatening to kill children is just barbaric, why he couldn't imagine how it would feel if that happened to him.
So Bilbo and the children are dropped off and Hamfast agrees to alert the Rangers and Bounders and tell all the hobbits he knows so nobody goes blabbing to strangers about Bilbo having dwarf children. The kids are just happy to be warm and provided with food. Ori tugs on Fili and whispers to him about writing letters home so someone can come get them. Fili asks Bilbo and Bilbo thinks it's a good plan.
The only dwarf who Ori knows the mailing place of is Balin, so they write their letters to their family but send them to Balin. A month or so later Bilbo, who now knows all about the boys in his care, was happily walking them home from the market when he spots a lot of dwarves on ponies and pulls the kids to a stop. He quickly gets in front of the kids and tells them to run and hide. About then the dwarves jump off the ponies and start racing towards Bilbo and the boys start screaming AMAD! DORI! UNCLE! and running towards the group.
Basically the whole company plus Dis have all come to find the kids. Bilbo is so relieved and the dwarves are very thankful and indeed shocked by his braveness and willingness to protect the boys. Thorin tries to figure out a way to pay him back but Bilbo declines, says all he wants is for the boys to be safe and maybe write him every once in a while and invites them all to stay at Bag End for the night. Bilbo, Fili, Kili, and Ori tell them all about what they heard and saw from and of the kidnappers.
They get a good bit of snow that night and the dwarves realize that if there is snow out in the Shire that their way home would probably be impassable already. Cue dwarves in the Shire. Fixing things, having a mild winter, eating enough, oh and of course Dis being the first to see how much Thorin and Bilbo like each other and doing her best to get them together.
Also Ori is part of the kidnap because he is Fili and Kili's best friend and Balin teaches them lessons and they were all together and the kidnappers didn't know how many kids they were supposed to take. No real idea of who ordered the kidnapping but just feels extra angsty for it to be paid for and not just idiots kidnapping the Heirs to the Throne and thinking they will get away alive.
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writeforthepeople · 2 days ago
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Heyy! I've been thinking about Damien and the reader being in a YouTube short film together playing as a married couple and as filming goes on they find themselves actually falling for each other 😩😩 specifically a scene where they're lying in bed together and have to face each other all closely and they're staring into each other's eyes all soft UGHH anyways! I would love if you could write a lil fic like that 🥹🫶 even if you don't end up writing it ty for reading this req!
Absolutely LOVE this idea. The UGHH says it alllllll. Summary: You are cast in a short film your friend Amanda is working on and you are playing Damien's love interest! While you always strive to be as professional as possible, the acting feels a bit too real...and maybe it is?
Warning: No smut, slow burn. Word Count: 4k ... I might have gotten carried away with this one.
You woke up to an early alarm, you had to wake up earlier than usual to start getting ready for your first day on a new set. Your friend Amanda was making her first short film and decided to cast you, of course, you were excited to work on the project because you love her, but you would have been willing to do any part of the project to help. You getting cast as the love interest to the main character certainly gave you a confidence boost though. Nerve racking? Sure! but exciting none the less.
You continued going over the script for what must have been the 10th time as you finished getting ready this morning. It was a romantic comedy about the main character, Gideon Hale who is able to see ghosts. He makes a living running a small bed and breakfast, but on the side he is a bit of an 'Afterlife Coach' (the name of the film) where he coaches ghosts on getting through the afterlife. He meets an old friend (you) who is back in town after many years for a mutual friends wedding. The story focuses on his journey helping the ghosts around him and getting to know you and falling in love. You were a little nervous for a few of the more romantic scenes, but it is nothing you haven't done before. You've been in many plays and projects where you have had to kiss or be romantic with a partner. This one felt different though, you had met Damien a few times through Amanda and somehow knowing him made it feel a bit awkward. Not to mention the fact that you thought he was incredibly attractive, but that would only help the acting be easier, right? It didn't take long to get to the filming location, Smosh had offered to let Amanda use some of their space for filming. When you walked in you were immediately greeted by Erin, the set coordinator. We chatted for a few moments before she brought me to the set Amanda was working on. You were blown away with all the effort that had gone into really making the set look like a bed and breakfast. There was a lobby, a kitchen, and a bedroom plotted out for various scenes. "Y/N!! You're here!" you heard Amanda's familiar voice yell out as she made her way over to you. She was beaming, and it made you smile. "I'm here and ready to work!" you said, giving her a quick hug. "I hope you are here and ready to fall in love because we are about to make magic" She laughed, but you knew there would be more jokes to come on that front. You looked around and didn't see Damien yet but you noticed several other familiar faces from Amanda's parties. It looked like Angela was running the show, directing and moving people about. You think to your self, this must be the most serious you've ever seen her.
"Damien is wrapping in hair and make-up, he has a few scenes to shoot before you enter so once he is done you're next in the chair!" Amanda talked as she led you to the small room right off the stage. "Hey Trina, this is Y/N, she's up after my little star here" he pointed to Damien, waving her finger around in a funny gesture. She walked off without saying anything else. "Hi Y/N, you can take a seat we are almost done here" Trina said and Damien smiled "How are you feeling?" he asked you politely "I'm good, a bit nervous but I am excited" you admitted, trying to hold back your surprise. His hair was different. Last you had seen him his hair was getting long, but was distinctly dyed a silvery white, but the man sitting in the chair has more of a slick backed 90's look and was dyed completely black. "How about you?" you asked, not mentioning the hair. "I'm good" he said not moving his head as Trina added hair spray and tapped him on the shoulder "You are set" she she smiled and turned back to her kit. You watched as Damien examined his look and quickly turned to you "I've never had black hair, how does it look" it was as if he was scanning your features for an answer. You shook your head "it suits you. I like it a lot" you admitted, your cheeks a bit red. "Did you dye it just for the role?" you follow up with and he smiled and nodded "It felt very Gideon" he said with a chuckle "plus Amanda had a vision and who was I to say no to that?" he added. "Well hopefully I don't have to dye mine, but anything for Amanda right?" you smiled.
"Luckily your hair just needs styled" Trina chimes in. "You ready to hop in the chair?" she asked and you nodded, standing up. "Well I will see you out there" Damien said, leaving the room with a wave. "What a nice boy" Trina said after he left and you nodded "he's really sweet" you agreed. "So, you are the love interest huh?" she turned you to the mirror and talked through a bit of Amanda's vision and you got started. You didn't need anything to crazy, she was going to style your hair and put on some make up and take you over to wardrobe. After you were ready, you headed to the set and took a seat in the corner to watch the scene they were filming. Damien was speaking to a ghost played by Tommy, helping them understand that he has options in the afterlife. Amanda came over after they cut and asked if you were ready. You oddly weren't, your nerves were high but you shook out your hands and planned to fake it til you make it. She led you to the scene in the lobby of the bed and breakfast Damien's character, Gideon, owned. You stepped to your marker and looked to Damien, who was reading the script once before the scene and you smiled to yourself, thinking about how cute his thinking face was. You shook out your hands again, you needed to shake any thoughts like those away.
"Ok" Amanda starts "Damien, Gideon is prepping for two arrivals he has today, both are high school acquaintances in town for your friend Aprils wedding. You are feeling uncomfortable, knowing you will have to make a lot of small talk and feel a need to be more entertaining than with any standard guests" she said, nodding but speaking again before he can talk at all. "Y/N, Gwen is nervous about being back in town. Not only is she having feelings about her close friend getting married and starting 'the rest of her life' " the ending she added finger quotes "but Gwen is also feeling inadequate, not being as advanced in her career as she thought she'd be by now, knowing she'll have tons of people asking about it all weekend." I nod to her "I don't want to give too many notes upfront, lets just vibe" she said and you chuckled. That is so like her.
"Action" she said before taking a seat. You begin walking up to Damien, a smile appearing on his face, it looked so genuine. "Hi, I'm uh checking in under Henry, Gwen Henry" as you reached the counter. "I know exactly who you are" he responded. "I'm Gideon, we had 11th grade history together" he spoke, checking you in. "Of course! Gideon, wow, you look great man. I didn't know you worked here" you could feel your nerves leaving as the conversation, while in character, felt so comfortable. "Yeah, I have been running the place for a few years now. Want me to help you with you bags? I can show you to your room" The two of you walk off scene together before it cuts. You ran the scene a few more times, taking notes as you went. Your characters filmed a bit more together, discussing the upcoming wedding. "Do you need a ride to the wedding? Damien asked you, as you sat at the kitchen table the next morning. "I am going alone so I would be happy to drive you" he added. The first time is character is meant to outright flirt with you. "Unless you have a plus one" his character sits across from you and you look up. "I do not" you smirk, as Amanda had instructed "I would love a ride" you went back to looking at your phone but the smile stayed. "Alright folks, that's a wrap!" Amanda yelled and people began bustling around again. She jumped on set and put her arm around around you "you guys did great today" she pulled you in closer "thank you for doing this" she added and you grinned "literally anything for you, and I didn't even have to dye my hair" you joked "Isn't he the best for that?" Amanda asked "It seems like it" you said before her added in "I really am" with a joking shrug. "
The next morning was filming day two of three, and you had a later call time, the morning being a lot of Damien filming with his ghosty friends. By the time you got to set, things were in full swing, but you had a lot to do to get ready. Your scenes were around attending the wedding of your characters friends. Which meant your make up and hair were done up and you were going to be in a nicer dress. Trina got you in the chair quickly, and she did great work. You needed to take some notes because you loved the way she did your make up. Next was finding the right dress. Amanda had the team bring in a few options to find what would be best. When you tried on the first one, you were instantly relieved that there were more options because this was not it. The dress was too tight in the worst ways. The second dress however fit you like a glove.
You were nervous enough about what you had to film today, you didn't want to also have to worry about how you looked. When you stepped back out to the main set area you were greeted by Amanda's grin "giiiiiiirl" she shook her head "If I wasn't married, I'd be the one falling in love with you today" she made you laugh, it was nice to feel all dolled up even though it was only for a few scenes. The bigger issue was the scene after that. Where you and Damien's character end up in bed together at the inn.
No big deal, just awkwardly laying in bed together, staring into each others eyes, with cameras, cast, and crew all staring at you. Totally fine. "Are you ready?" She asked, her tone more serious "nervous at all?" she asked. "Me?" you responded "never" you faked a laugh and she nodded, but you know she saw right through that.
You filmed a few scenes. It felt like you had to film the scene of you walking out in your dress, Damien seeing you for the first time, over and over. Notes given everytime about changing the reaction, Amanda wasn't sure if she wanted an immediate connection, or if it would be one sided from the start so you got several take options to use. Then a few scenes at the wedding, where your characters ended up dancing together, both drinking and feeling the weight of all your old acquaintances feigning interest in your lives. Gideon calls you both an uber back to the inn, far to drunk to drive. The scene cuts to Gideon helping Gwen to her room. The both of you stumbling and laughing, making jokes about the music and the speeches , but when you reach the room the mood shifts. That shift was hard to capture, filming over and over a small but crucial scene.
"Oh, Gideon..could you help with my dress?" your character says, Damien's face heating up at each take. If you didn't know better you'd think part of it wasn't acting. As his character helps, he sits down on the bed, listening to Gwen continue a story as she changed in her bathroom, door open but just out of view. That is when she climbs into the bed with him, both talking and becoming more comfortable. Only taking two takes to get that just right, natural as could be. It was the next scene, the final scene that caused issue.
Gideon and Gwen lay back on the bed, laughing about the way an old school mate said the word "wildest" in his speech, he'd spent the summer in London and now thinks he has an accent. As your laughing slows, you look at each other. Your characters seeing each other in a new way, but you and Damien could not stop giggling. Ruining the scene each take.
"You guys are KILLING me" Amanda says, giggling herself. "Ok, here is the deal. This scene is everything.. it has to be right. We have a few more scenes to get tomorrow so lets try this again then ok?" she sighs. "In the meantime, I need you two to find a way to get...better?" she said with a shrug "I need you two to look at each other like everything shifted, like your friendship is ending and a relationship is beginning. I don't care if you lay in this bed all night figuring it out...but please figure it out" she walked off and you and Damien looked at eachother as the crew starts to wrap set. "Yikes" he said, breaking the silence. "I'm so sorry" you start in but he cuts you off "hey it is both of us, it is an awkward scene" he lets out a bit of air "Maybe we should actually practice" he suggests and you raise an eyebrow
"Why Damien Haas, are you trying to get me in bed?" you ask with a smirk "Maybe" he smirked back and you and while you started it, it made your cheeks heat up. "We can order in at my place and get more comfortable?" he said, losing the edge to his voice and becoming more sincere.
"That does sound like a good idea" you admit. "I guess we haven't really hung out before, so it would be nice to just shake off the nerves and be more comfortable" you said honestly. "Anything I can pick up on the way to your place?" You ask but he shook his head "no, let me shoot you over my address and we can meet there" you hand him your phone and say goodbye to a few people before taking off and driving to his house. The nerds really hit when you walked up to Damien's door. Were you really here to...lay in bed with a cute boy? This can not be real life.
You knock on the door and hear him shuffle a bit before answering. "Hey!" he said, you could tell he was out of breath. "Sorry was just uh picking up a little" he said, gesturing for you to come in. His place looked so nice. You smiled, turning to face him "This place is very you, I like you" you said and he smiled in return "I tried to make it feel like home" he started walking to the kitchen and you followed behind him. "I thought Italian food would be a good option, so I got a few things from my favorite spot".
"I'm not picky" you smiled and watched him as he made you a plate, setting it at the table. "What can I get you to drink? I have sodas, water, tea" he looked in a cabinet next to him "Oh! I don't drink much but I have a bottle of wine we could crack open" he said, pulling out a bottle. "You know, a glass of wine sounds perfect right now" you chuckled. "You are not wrong, take the edge off" he nodded. "What, you don't often invite women over to lay in your bed and stare at you?" you joked at him
"Oh no, this s a weekly occurrence for me" he joked back. He was always quick with a joke, and you liked playing off of him. You followed him to the table, sitting down "Well now I don't feel special at all" you hold back a laugh.
You both talk, getting to know each other over dinner. You found out you had a lot in common, especially around gaming. You learned he even voiced a character or two that you liked and that was a shocking revelation. "Ok" he says, after cleaning up our plates. "I think we dive right into this. Find a way to be more comfortable with ease" he weighs in "we could like...cuddle on the couch?" he shakes his head "this is so awkward" he covers his face with his hand. You start in, hoping to ease his tension "No no, you're right." you give him a small smile "this IS awkward, don't feel bad" you both are quite for a moment "Cuddle on the couch and watch an episode of TV or something? Let us get get over the awkwardness. Pretend this is a casual date night or something" he nods "we are both actors, we can do that" he says with confidence.
You were trying to contain your feelings as he sat next to you on the sofa, turning on netflix and finding a baking show to watch. That was sweet of him since you said that was your go to type of show. "Is it ok if I put my arm around you?" he asks, not taking his eyes off the screen. "That would be ok" you glance at him. When he placed his arm around your shoulders you instinctively leaned him closer. Your heart picked up as his hand nervously laid against you. You held in your breathing slightly, afraid to move too much, wanting to just take in the moment you are in. You watched the show for several minutes like this, quite but comfortable. "I wish I could bake like this" you said, breaking the silence. "Me too" he said adjusting his arm slightly and gently rubbing his thumb against your arm. You got goosebumps very lightly, hoping he hadn't noticed. You adjust slightly and lay your head against his shoulder, allowing for a slight escalation.
In turn, Damien pulled you in a little closer and for a moment you forgot why you were here. "This is...comfortable" he said eventually and you nodded "Yeah, it is" he could not see your smile, but it was there. "Not nearly as awkward as I thought" you added and he chuckled "Oh you thought cuddling with me would be awkward? Should I be offended?" he said playfully. "or should I be happy you imagined cuddling with me at all?" he kept a playful tone but the comment made your cheeks warm. "I guess there are worse people I could have as a romantic counterpart" you joke back. "I'll take that as a compliment" he said, his thumb moving up and down your arm at a slower pace, your body acutely aware.
"We've proven we can cuddle." you say, not sure how to really say that you want to try laying down now. you feel his head nod and you move to sitting back up. "Do you want to...move to my room?" he said now looking at you. "I think so" you said, realizing how close you two still sat. "Do you..maybe want to talk expectations?" he said a bit quieter than his normal voice. "Cuddling on the couch is one thing I uh-" he stammered a bit "I want to make sure you are comfortable and that I don't overstep here" you bit your lip slightly and his eyes moved to stare but quickly came back to your eyes "Yeah" you try to say confidently "Um, the scene does call for a few things, maybe we could practice all of that.." he trail off, knowing that means a kiss.
"Ok" his smile clear "Lets just practice the scene and stop if we feel too weird. Maybe that is easiest? Lets just be Gideon and Gwen?" he suggests and you felt your shoulders actually relax a bit. "I like that Idea" you add in, starting to stand up. "well, are you going to walk me to my room?" you said in a more confident voice that you use for Gwen. Damien stood up, grabbing your hand and leading you to his room. Your heart pounding in your chest. You couldn't believe the way you were able to continue this exercise without squealing. You reached Damien's room and looked around. He had dark bedding, and low lighting. It was much like you expected it to be but very clean and still inviting in a way.
He sat on his bed, patting next to him. "So, we both are sitting here" he said as you made your way over, sitting next to him. "Laughing about the world wildly" you add and he leaned back, you followed. This time, you turned to look at him and he looked at you. This time, there was no giggling, you both stared for a moment or two before you cracked a smile. "Look at us" he said sitting back up, that had to be 5-6 seconds right? he joked. You sat back up too "Better than before right? This is more comfortable already" you tried to shake out your hands and he watched in amusement. "Am I making you nervous" he said, a hint of joking but more a sense of intimacy in his question. He actually worried that something he was doing was uncomfortable and you shook your head no at first but stopped. "I think It was more nerve racking to do all of this with you in front of everyone, judging our movements, giving us notes, you know?" he nodded, you could tell that just saying it gave him some relief. "I was thinking the same thing" he admitted "I don't want to come off as a weirdo but it felt wrong to potentially kiss you for the first time in front of all those people and immediately receive notes on it." he chuckled slightly. "not really how I imagined it" you said, not thinking about the implications of that statement. "So you imagined it huh? He said leaning into the playfulness. You wanted to backtrack, to say something about it being in the script.
Instead you played off his attitude "what if I have?" you bit your bottom lip and you saw the shift in his face, the corner of his mouth turning upwards and he cocked his head to the side. "Well now you have to share with the class. What exactly did you imagine it being like?" the way his spoke made you take a sharp breath. You leaned in closer to him "to start, there were a lot less people" you say in a low voice. Damien matched your energy leaning in, you two sitting on the bed closely "there are less people here now" he watched your eyes, waiting for any kind of invitation "and yet you still haven't kissed me" you felt his hand on your face before the words left your mouth. "I've also thought about what it would be like to kiss you" his voice low as he inched closer. You closed your eyes, waiting for his lips to meet yours. It was soft at first, testing the waters. You pushed harder against his mouth and you felt him envelop you. His hand now in your hair and his body beginning to press against yours. You fall back on the bed and follows, hovering above you as he gently pulls back.
You look up and him and smile "I think we will be just fine tomorrow" he says, before kissing you again.
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girlw-amermaidtattoo · 18 hours ago
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Hello Princess thank you for your time. May I ask a question, I have been talking with my wife about kinks because she is not really familiar with any. She is open and willing but what are good ways to encourage and support her trying to Domme so she will continue to try and won’t be embarrassed. Thanks again Princess apologies if this was a long ask.
What a thoughtful question, and I love that you’re prioritizing your wife’s comfort and growth in exploring her dominant side! Here’s how you can encourage and support her while keeping things fun and pressure-free:
1. Celebrate Her Openness
Start by praising her willingness to try something new—it’s a big step! Let her know how much you appreciate her curiosity and how exciting it is to explore this together. Confidence starts with feeling valued.
2. Make It a Team Adventure
Frame this as a journey for both of you. Ask her what excites her about the idea of Domming, and discuss how you can support her vision. This keeps it from feeling like a performance and more like a shared discovery.
3. Introduce Playful and Low-Stakes Scenarios
Suggest starting small, with light, playful dominance. Examples include:
• Verbal Commands: “Tell me to bring you coffee like you’re my Queen.”
• Roleplay: “Pretend you’re the boss for the night.”
• Simple Control: She decides what you wear, what you eat, or when you get attention.
4. Provide Resources Without Pressure
Recommend books, guides, or even steamy fiction that explores femdom themes. A safe, private way to learn could help her feel less awkward and more inspired. A great start: “She Comes First” or fun erotica with dominant women leads.
5. Encourage Positive Feedback
Reassure her during and after your scenes. Compliment her tone, decisions, or even how she looked while in control. Celebrate her efforts with phrases like:
• “That was so sexy when you ___.”
• “You looked so confident; it turned me on immediately.”
6. Avoid Critiques or Corrections
Even if something doesn’t go perfectly, focus on what did work and avoid nitpicking. Let the experience be about fun, not perfection.
7. Be Her Biggest Fan
If she feels silly or embarrassed, remind her how hot it is to see her take charge and that she has nothing to prove. A little humor can diffuse awkwardness too.
8. Discuss Boundaries and Desires
Make sure you’re both on the same page about what being a Domme means in your dynamic. Some people enjoy teasing control; others might want to explore more intense power exchanges. Find the sweet spot together.
9. Give Her Full Control
Make it clear that she decides how far things go. This takes the pressure off her to “perform” a specific way. Subtly reinforce that you’re here to follow her lead, not dictate the experience.
Lastly, patience is key! Building her confidence and finding her groove will take time. Keep reassuring her that this is a safe space to explore, laugh, and learn together. She’s lucky to have someone as supportive as you, and with your encouragement, she might discover she loves this new role more than she expected!
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buckyscap · 27 days ago
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you know when you experienced something so traumatizing or grieved too hard your brain sort of temporarily locked that memory to protect you from the pain? i think that's what's been happening to me after deadpool 2 bc tell me why every time i rewatch that movie, i always forget how painful these scenes are?
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they always leave me sobbing and totally wrecked but with each rewatch i'd just... forget they would eventually happen and i'd eventually get hurt??
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therentyoupay · 3 months ago
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im completely feral over all your jelsa stories!!!!!! do you ever write established relationship jelsa or have any headcanons about what they would be like together in a serious relationship or marriage????
THANK YOU SO MUCH. 😭😭😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕🙏 thank you thank you nonny for this super sweet ask and this really lovely question and all of your love and support!! 💕💕💕💕💕
i have... never actually written established!relationship (in any fandom), now that i'm thinking about it? that said, i guess i can come up with a quick list of some headcanons, maybe? 😂 i will have to think about this more, but for now, here's a quick drop:
elsa is an early riser; elsa helps jack create more sustainable sleeping patterns and habit formations 😂
when jack gets Impetuous Urges to Do Something Rash and Impractically Spontaneous, elsa will ground jack, reminding him to think before acting. (he occasionally Still Does It, anyway.) elsa knows what she signed up for, lol.
jack loves to play Harmless(!) Pranks, just to watch elsa’s reaction. (he is no longer allowed to sneak up on her after The Incident).
they also quibble over the definition of "harmless" and the specific logistical implications of that; for a while, jack was banned from further pranking, but then he got more creative at showing elsa that pranks could be wholesome and genuine, in which they could both be in on the joke. however, due to elsa's deeply-rooted Need to Excel and her (Not-so)Secret Competitive AF Streak, her retaliation in escalating the Cleverness Prank War quickly resulted in jack's prompt implementation of the Prank-Free Zones and Time Periods. (no, he was not scared.)
elsa, usually reserved, has learned to let her playful side show more often with jack. she might still pretend to be exasperated by his antics, but sometimes it's part of the game (or habit).
elsa sill struggles with opening up emotionally sometimes, but she progressively feels safe enough to share her innermost thoughts and fears. with time, she confides in him more about her worries. she still never likes the idea that jack sees her Imperfect Parts, but at least she can tolerate the discomfort (and, yes, take comfort in it) now
(jack loves elsa's Imperfect Parts, and jack admits that he is Weirdly Proud and Competitively Honored to be one of the only people, even including anna, who gets to see them. he also is strangely Comforted and Validated that elsa is, in fact, not perfect because for a while there, he was pretty freaked out and intimidated by how fancy she is.)
until he realized that no one ever let her actually be a Weirdo before, and once he realizes the Truth of Elsa Also Being a Secret (albeit perhaps more Subdued) Weirdo, the Universe Aligns.
jack listens to elsa's Big Conversations intently, activating varying levels of Serious Mode.
jack is getting better at recognizing the moments when elsa needs him to play and needs him to listen or Give His Opinion or any combination of those things.
jack learns that it's not always about Saying the Right Thing (which he is not very good at, anyway, or so our Serially Unreliable Narrator thinks), but rather being able to read elsa's mood and anticipate what she might need (even if she is not aware of it herself yet).
elsa is meticulous about planning and preparing for special occasions.
elsa likes traditions! jack likes tradition only because elsa likes them, lol, and hey, okay, these are more fun than he thought?? (who knew fun could be organized??!!?)
so he really wants to show (off to) her by pulling off Incredible Planning Feats in her honor, too (they do not go as smoothly, lol).
jack will often go out of his way to spontaneously create something meaningful, a moment or a gift or a gesture, that reminds elsa that he cares. he is big on words of affirmation, gift giving (but like, souvenirs that he collects on adventures like, "i saw this rock and it reminded me of your cousin olaf, we should put it on the window after we paint his face on it"), and acts of service, as well as physical touch and quality time. HE WANTS LOVE. he wants TO BE LOVED. he wants to prove that he is worthy of being loved.
(and elsa has to get him to Chill Out sometimes, remind him that he doesn't have to Do Things For Her/Anyone in order to be deserving of care; he is more than what he provides for other people.)
(jack gets its, and appreciates it, but also, the Urge to Provide and Protect is still strong, even after so much time, and sometimes Old Habits Die Hard.)
i get the sense that he'd be the type to he wake elsa up in the middle of the night to take her on a surprise adventure, or convince her to Do a Fun Thing without any preparation (/warning).
and she would Be Alarmed at the Lack of Plan (especially if/when jack Did Not Think This Through), but he also took precautions to ward off Concerns by pacifying her with tea, or reassurances that yes, he did call ahead to make sure the restaurant was open before they left the house, of course he did, he would never just leave home without double-checking beforehand (and frantically googles it two minutes later when he thinks she's not looking; she is, naturally, and even occasionally pretends not to be).
elsa approaches conflict with a desire to resolve things Calmly and Logically. she tries to understand jack’s perspective, even when she disagrees, and she’s careful with her words, not wanting to escalate the situation.
however, she can sometimes withdraw emotionally, fearing that she might say something hurtful if she’s too overwhelmed.
jack was initially (and, honestly, still is, even though he understands more now) hurt by her tendency to shut down when she Feels Too Much, and understands (although it's still hard) that elsa needs time to process her feelings and organize her thoughts.
jack also helps elsa actually Feel her Feelings, instead of just trying to intellectualize and analyze them. (she hates it, BUT sees the value. jack lives for these moments in which he realizes that he's actually contributing positively to her life and helping her in some way, rather than just being a burden or a nuisance, as was/is his fear.)
his initial reaction might be to push for a resolution quickly, but he’s also deeply afraid of Creating Distance between them, so after the first few fights, he really makes an effort to find the right balance between Pushing Hard Enough and Not Pushing Too hard, so that he doesn't drive a wedge between them as they work things out.
jack FEELS intensely, and can be so stubborn. he does not always have the most precise vocabulary or tools to describe his thoughts and feelings, or identify the root causes of what is actually going on inside him; sometimes elsa asks a lot of insightful and guiding questions that help jack come to the conclusions himself, and other times, she Puts Into Words the very thing that he had been thinking or feeling, but could not name, and it is very reassuring to have someone who understands him well enough to be able to do that.
after conflicts or arguments, they take time to Decompress and reassure one another (especially if at least one of them, if not both, was Overthinking again).
when they argue (and healthy couples do, remember!), it’s a dance of patience and understanding: elsa might need a moment to Collect Herself, and jack learns to give her that Space while also making it clear that he’s ready to talk whenever she is, and that he is going to try very hard to be Rational and Patient About It.
in the end, they both prioritize their relationship over any disagreement, always finding a way back to each other.
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aquanutart · 1 year ago
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I absolutely LOVE the Squirtle/Wartortle illustrations by kantaro in Pokemon 151!
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The Squirtle jumping so joyfully from the rock into the ocean, the colors are STUNNING! I love the contrast of the Squirtle's aqua blue framed in the vivid orange sky, the soft bit of blue reflecting in its shell and its tail just catching the sun, how little and squishy its body looks as it launches itself towards the water with such tremendous excitement!
The lineless style of the background gives me the feel of a travel poster and I sense the tropical environment around it from the rocks and trees framing the corners, the waterfall splashing with as much energy as the Squirtle!
The layered blues on the surface of the water and the bubbles rising at the corner make me FEEL the liquid rising to meet the Squirtle--I can just feel how the next moment it's going to break through and be immersed in a cool island swim!
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And the Wartortle running along the sunset beach, this is somehow everything I always imagined for Wartortle! I adore the way the rich purple melts into the warm red/orange sky, the matching purple clouds and shadows in the foreground, and how the dimming sunlight glows red on Wartortle's deep blues!
I love how the yellow and orange of the sky illuminate the lapping waves, I can just feel the gentle motion of the sea at dusk. The aqua color of the ocean matches Wartortle's ears and tail and sets off the red-orange sand, I just love how the colors are here!
Wartortle looks so round and squishy, I love its happiness as it goes frolicking through the shallows, chasing the bubbles caught in the setting sun! The shine and deep shadow on its shell give it an almost jewel texture like real tortoise shell; I love the silhouetted splash Wartortle leaves as it goes running across the shore. It's so full of energy and delight at the end of a gorgeous day! The colors in these are SO vivid and harmonized and the style is so cute and bursting with energy and joy. I just LOVE it (also Squirtle is my starter)
#pokemon#pokemon tcg#long post#i have deep affection for bulbasaur as well though and i also love the bulbasaur/ivysaur cards in this set#i SO wish we'd gotten art of the final evolutions in the same style as the pre-evos' standard cards!!#(yes i do love the full art ones but i also love the illustrations on the standard cards!)#from the way the settings in these two were going; i would have imagined blastoise to be set at night (??)#i LOVE pokemon cards. i can't keep up with every set but i started collecting again now and then a few years ago#and 151 has really got me wanting the full set the way i haven't since childhood. SO many beautiful illustrations (but there always are)#it's like having little pieces of art of my favorite characters and it's only.. slightly... less expensive than actually commissioning ....#i KNOW it's less expensive to buy the individuals online but it's so much less fun#part of the fun is having YOUR own pokemon journey ((going to the store)) and seeing what YOU encounter ((when you open the pack))#i do buy them online sometimes but i usually dont form as strong associations with them as when i open a pack in a certain setting or place#i tend to try to save them to open right before a significant event like starting something new or a holiday. so that i form associations#and it's like 'oh that's the galarian obstagoon from when my mom came home for christmas'#and 'that's the snorlax who reassured me when i was hurt'#i don't buy them too often so i've got to make it count#anyway i know i should wait for the prices on this one to come down because it's absolutely ridiculous#i didn't buy anything at release because i was like $6 for one booster pack??? but i couldn't take just sitting and watching them sell out#i really like the poster because i can look at so many beautiful pictures all together#i could say stuff like this about literally every pokemon illustration (if i had time to write it out) and sometimes i've wanted to#i just chose these two because these are a couple of my original favorite pokemon and i just couldn't keep it to myself. i LOVE these
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Alistair: So I'm not going with you, I see. Any particular reason? Tabris: I'm not going to risk you getting hurt, Alistair. Alistair: And you think I want you going in there and sacrificing yourself? You think I want you to die!? But there's no use arguing with you, is there? We don't have time... and you are a stubborn, stubborn woman. Tabris: You would do something foolish. Alistair: Maybe… I guess we'll never know now, will we? I guess this is the last chance we'll get… before this is finished, one way or another. Be careful in there. Tabris: I love you, Alistair. Alistair:
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Guess who made the ultimate sacrifice...?
Me. It was me.
I made the ultimate sacrifice.
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The achievement wasn't worth it.
#dragon age#dragon age origins#dao#alistair theirin#dao alistair#warden tabris#i'm genuinely so heart broken#i just wanted to see what ending you get when you reject morrigan's ritual since i have very strong opinions on it as i've discussed before#and it's more in character for my tabris to reject it anyway so this was the first time i did it and just...... i am hurt#like... it's such a hopeless 'what was even the point? she didn't deserve this' feeling y'know? she didn't deserve this!#and neither did alistair... he already holds so much guilt over duncan and cailan making him stay out of battle in ostagar#and then rose makes him stay behind so she can face the archdemon and die ALONE... while also robbing him of the chance to stand beside her#the way i play dao is alistair is forever in my party like i literally take him *everywhere* he is with rose the entire journey#they are partners in this forever and always and they planned to face the archdemon together but that changed with riordan's news...#and this is the first time since they met in ostagar that he hasn't been in her party and i didn't expect it to hurt so much...#plus i keep alistair a warden so he's left alone in the aftermath of a blight that took everything from him#and i know the end card was retconned but it says that he was so hurt over the warden's death#that he said it wasn't the same anymore and he fucking *left* the order and fereldan and his whereabouts are unknown after he made#a small monument for duncan in his birthplace like.... again i know that was retconned since he obviously didn't leave the wardens but OOF#oh and don't even get me started on morrigan and how she responds to being rejected like i'm chewing on all my furniture right now#there is so much to dissect in that conversation and i'm too emotionally drained to handle it right now...
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unproduciblesmackdown · 9 months ago
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fun connection on this archived kickstarter update from the 2011 production/s of "the bus" as found by @broadway-heere-i-come ft. many pics from their trip to wichita, kansas for several performances there, including this one
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fantastic stuff & was noticing that it seems like partly legible lyrics back there, which sent me over to consult that q&a sincerely me vlog again like hang on lol. and sure enough
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lo, behold
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#giving ''every moment'' vs ''where a moment'' but i'm sure either is plausible just based on listening. anyone got a cd insert booklet#tragic that further pages of the kickstarter aren't waybacked up. may not have let you access them if not a backer?#lot of great stuff on page 1 though fr#will roland#hey beautiful#(the The Bus tag lol)#live it up!:#deh#maybe could've used a fourth take actually lmao. let's all watch the 6+ min ''interview'' w/those two seeing spamalot together#love the bit right at the start where someone asks what mike faist's hair smells like & will immediately launches into explaining what it#feels like & michael park is like oh yup. we've all been there. probably the more fun answer anyways#speaking of him b/c it's such a Journey of a video i never remember precisely when mike faist barrels through the door#get out!!! what were you thinking....#used to keep forgetting it happened at all which was a delight. happens during the karaoke / singing in shower answer!#oh i also had the thought like. the Probably Non Phone Photography of 2011 here#noticed that like ''Portrait of someone near the camera with motion blur towards its focus point'' & also noted it as feeling like#a Stock Photo kind of phenomenon now decidedly Out Of Date. then thinking like well that might not be much of a coincidence lol#as in: it would be a spontaneous Photo Effect ppl were more accustomed to At The Time. maybe!#(just realizing fantastic grammatical ambiguity. i meant the ''including this one'' in the opening there to be going off of ''many pics#[...] including this one'' but that it can be interpreted as ''several performances there [...] including this one [will karaoke.jpg]''#like wow works great either way actually lmao. no notes)#p.s. i dunno why some of the lyrics were bolded. did not enter any of the terms into the search. Watch You Smile While Sleeping emphasis
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ohifonlyx33 · 2 years ago
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i just think kdrama watchers are probably best equipped to understand the type of character Malyen Oretsev was written to be in the books. send tweet
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Me in the before time: Why do they make new characters for AEG? Why not just add the original characters?
Me: *watches Shake, Rattle, And Bruno once(the only episode with Bruno I’ve seen so far)* ... This is my child now, I am adopting this tiny brake vane child, he is mine now, I’m taking him-
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broke-on-books · 1 year ago
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Don't know exactly how to express this in words but the Fast Car Tracy Chapman youtube comments section is a new emotion on its own
#i was going to take a screenshot of one comment but i just kept scrolling down and almost all of them were just affecting me#like i closed my eyes and listened to the song but scrolling through what people all over the world had to say was something as well#just the mix of appreciation for the music and love for it and how it affects all these people mixed with snippets of stories of#people using this song to get them through or inspire them to get themselves out of terrible situations#its just... things that make you feel human#its like this is a persons story. these are people we are all people and come from different places and have gone through different things#but we can all relate and feel the same. no matter where we come from we can feel the wish to escape the want to be somebody the desire to#change and the hope to do so. but theres also the fear and the responsibility and through all of that just wanting someone to love you and#go with you and not be alone#its just things that are real and true and make you feel how much of a person you are#i 100% recommend listening to fast car on youtube right now and then scrolling through and reading some of those messages by the way#its a whole other emotion of its own#its like the fast car tracy chapman emotion but more and even realer if that is even possible#its like one commenter said the song was a novel in five minutes but listening and then reading is even more than that. its not a book its#not a library its all these stories and lives around you coming together with your own in this one spot this one means of understanding and#through that you see part of all these journeys and these people and all understand each other and yourself and what it means to be a person#a little more#that seems like a lot of stuff but i dont know what to tell you. its true.
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gor3sigil · 4 months ago
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Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.
I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.
Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.
I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.
5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.
I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.
I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.
I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.
I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.
I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.
But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.
I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.
It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.
If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.
Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.
It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.
You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.
Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.
Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.
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