#AND IM AT SCHOOL FOR MORE THAN 8 HOURS; ESPECIALLY NOW THAT I HAVE TO STAY FOR REHEARSALS

[thegloomybat]

I need advice on what to about s⭐️ving with the meds i take.

Heyy. So continuing on my last post. I’m just in a bit of a pickle rn. So, i have rlly bad adhd, but i was never diagnosed somehow until last year, when i was EXTREMELY behind in school, i was not on track to graduate on time. I finally got diagnosed and prescribed adderall. But then i switch psychiatrists and he unprescribed it the first appointment bc he w31gh3d me and i was underw31ght :( he put me on wg meds and at the time i didn’t know :( so earlier this year i continued to be SUPER behind, when i was at a ‘healthy’ w8 (gross) he prescribed it back, and then unprescribed 2 times again for unrelated reasons😭well, i didn’t graduate in may like i was supposed to. It’s October, now i’m just trying to get my ged. I need adderall to do absolutely anything, but rn mainly for school. So i’ve been on it again for the past few months. I’ve been in a plateau with my w8. Earlier this year i started l0sing w8 again and he threatened to give me the wg meds again if i kept going down. I know he’ll take me off the adderall again if i go too low. Does anyone have advice on how to be heavier for a w31gh in😭he used to check me for anything in my pockets and hats, he hasn’t done this in a long time tho. But just in case? Especially if i start going down a lot again, he specializes in ED’s (very unfortunate, my mom made me go to him, i stay bc i need meds), he said that last year he would’ve hospitalized me if i got any lower. I CANNOTT let that happen, i would actually lose it. So there’s that. But my main point is, im wondering if anyone else takes adderall and has active 4n4? I wanna know your guyses experiences because one of the reasons i still eat more than i want to (less than or equal to 800) is because i also don’t want to get any alarming bad side effects bc its a stimulant. Like i’m not tryna have a heart attack or something 😭butttt i can’t stand looking like this anymore or not l0sing w8. Idk what to do. It helps me s⭐️ve/l0se my ap3tit3 which is good, but then i just eat up too many cals in one meal to compensate. I just don’t want to have a heart attack or something serious lol. The past few days i’ve been doing much better at being below 800, around 750-650. I’ve still been taking it. I eat a bigger meal in the morning before i take it. Around 300-400 cals. (It sounds like so much ): and then about 8-10 hours later i’ll eat again, something around or less than 200. About that. With the 750-650 intake, i’m finally going down again!! But, i just feel weird throughout the day when i take it. I get feelings of my heart dropping, or aching (i think it’s just anxiety tho) or my brain genuinely feels fuzzy its so weird. And like dizzy i guess. I wanna go lower on my cals intake but idk how low i should go while taking it. I just need to continue taking it tho, but i’m not tryna have like a life-threatening episode bc i’m not 34ting enough and taking a heavy stimulate (i take 20mg XR). At the same time, i used to take it last year when i was under w8 and i was fine-ish?? I only took 10mg tho. One time i took a 30mg IR and i was fine too?? I’m just lowkey traumatized cuz there HAS been times where i took it and had TERRIBLE reactions, like trembling so much, SO much trouble breathing, just this weird feeling and so much anxiety and panic it was so bad i thought that was it for me😭BUT whenever that happened, i 🤮 the night before. I just don’t want that or anything worse to happen even if i don’t 🤮 but just by s⭐️ving yk? Does anyone have the same experience or any advice or tips???

[ekslibris]

i feel so isolated from other people especially people my own age im slowly going insane. my friends and peers are still going to uni or slowly finishing it and starting good jobs and i just.. i have nothing to offer. and i dont want to complain to my friends because its embarrassing and im embarassed but regardless even when i do complain to them they just try to relate and talk about their problems and i get it but at the same time i get so annoyed because well at least you got a degree and a job that may open things to you in the future. and i still have nothing to offer. and i dont even have any desire to go back to uni and im definitely not paying for it because i dont have any money for that but everyone acts like its a done deal that i will go back because well what can you do with only a high school education. well i dont fucking know? kill myself???? and i dont even hate the job that im doing now because its mostly easy but i cant live on min wage anymore and i have to find something else that i know is going to be much much worse. and im constantly thinking about people working 'bad'/difficult/badly paid jobs and im thinking this will be my entire life everyday. also i keep thinking how even if i somehow make it theres just going to be another person in my place. and my mom is asking well what do you care about other people worry about yourself, but i am 'other people' now? and regardless i dont want others to be in this and have bad shitty jobs but i guess theres always going to be someone being a cashier at mcdonalds but i dont want it to be me or anybody else . and also anytime i work 8-10 hours for more than like 4 days in a row it feels like i cant even do anything else because theres just no time and im really trying and im trying to work out more consistently and run more and cook more organized than i did before and stay on top of things as they need to be done and i even signed up for a dance class but its not even worth it because in the end its just another thing that is costing me money but its just whatever. i always feel tired and apathetic. i dont want to say im depressed but really i dont know what else to do at this point. i dont have any desire to keep doing what im doing and i have nothing to look forward to and im just tired. i wish i could go back to that psychiatrist i was forced to see in high school because she tried to push antidepressants onto me several times and i always declined because i was against that and honestly my stance on that hasnt really changed but at this point well why not try antidepressants if i cant get myself out of it like i managed to get myself out of it back then. and at least i dont have somebody constantly screaming at me everyday now that i moved into a new place in september so thats better now and the roommate situation is the best that can be but still. im constantly just thinking money and time money and time how much money i wil have left if i do this or buy that and how much time i will have left after work and after i do this and that and this and that and how theres always another thing that needs to be done. and i dont want to do any of it and i dont even know why im doing any of it. and obviously im too big of a pussy to actually kill myself or do anything drastic but like ? at one point this will stop because it will because i will stop doing it. and as i said i feel alone and seeing my friends makes it better but we dont have that much time to see eachother because we all have such different schedules. and honestly seeing her this summer also pointed out how i dont feel that much attached to my friends and how i miss real connection and being close to somebody but that is a whole other thing for another time. anyway yay life in your twenties am i right???

[h3rmess]

Do u want to hear a fun fact about me ?😍 yes? Wow!.

In 2023 august I had a painful tooth ache for 2 days. My mom tried planning an appointment for me at the dentist, but specifically during the week of 21-28 (I don't know I'm bluffing, but late august) they were BUSY. They were supposedly packed.

So my jaw becomes swollen, like REALLY swollen. My sharp jaw (that doesn't exist)? GONE. It was SWOLLEN. I looked HORRIBLE. my mom like "tf happened to u" so shes like, "bro PLEASE make an appointment. Hello???" and the dentist is like "nah dawg we got too much. Go to the ER or something."

Its now the 3rd day ish of it, and like 7 p.m. my mom like "vivian cmon beta we gotta go to the ER." And I'm like "HOLY SHIT." because I have a very high immune system. I hardly get sick. When I do, its not BAD (it kinda is, but whatev. because early 2023, I believe I got a really bad stomach bug. But other than that, I haven't been sick)

The nearest hospital (for context I live in a city, but right at the point where its like the border of the suburb and the city iykwim) was like 40 FLIPPING minutes. Or 30. IDK, I was pretty "WHAT THE FUCK" in this moment. My mom freaking hate car rides mostly. In my opinion, its because of the crazy ass drivers that drive their kids to school buts that a whole different topic. We drive to the hospital and since my ugly siblings weren't coming, I got the whole back seat to me. I get like a typical check up when we like sign in. their like "wait, we got patients" so we wait.

We ended up waiting like a whole hour.

When its my turn to go, I don't remember, but I'm in a small hospital room. They check my swollen jaw for like something idk.

also WEIRD encounter alert: the doctors (3 males, 2 very elderly men) but 1 was actually checking me. So he inserts his finger in my mouth. I swear to GOD he says "deep" just DEEP when he inserts his FINGER in my MOUTH. my MINOR mouth. My CHILD mouth. The 2 elderly men laugh. FUCKING LAUGH. like I swear to JESUS, my dead grandma, and that is all holy, I never felt anything more uncomfortable than fhat. And my MOTHER. The women that BIRTHED me was WATCHING. SITTING right in front of ME. Like I was still a petween (whatever its called) at the time!! Like HELLO??Remember my jaw was SWOLLEN. I couldn't SPEAK. I couldn't sing my fight song!!!

But thankfully they leave. I get an different doctors (2 lovely men) after that. Now its almost 8:30 pm.??.

also funny encounter (whatever considered funny to u hermes) the main doctor because the other doctor it was his first day at the job asked me how'd I like my water. I say small ice because like I mean a small quantity of ice. And he's like "okay your Highness" So ig that was funny.

Now heres the dumbness of me really comes because idk if the cat scan takes place before the funny encounter or after. But probably after if I had to guess. I don't know a cat scan is. So their fucking wheel chairing me to the cat scan room. Like pushhhhhhhh. I wanted to laugh but it hurt to speak. The cat scan itself was pretty kewl. I saw light buzzyear and woody anf other fictional characters. It was pretty weird to take off your shoes in a room full of adults but k.

i finished the cat scan. It was mostly looking up inside a literal tube canal thing. but light buzz year was innit so I'm pretty cool with it. Im back in my room now. They tell my mom something. Im staying in this hospital over night. Like I'm healthy mostly. I ain't ever get sick. Especially to the point of hospitalization. I've never been hospitalized at this point of my years of living.

So this is part 1 :p srry for info dumping.

Vivian lore!! >_<

HELP THIS IS SO INTERESTING

those damn doctors better get their hands off you unless they wanna see my alpha side 😈😈

[isabelguerra]

Hi. Ya girl here again about that asterisk. I dont think too much about izjo but when I do I get a headache (positive) but I already HAVE one so here u go lol

I havent read harry potter. In a Long Time. Like ever. I remember very little of the plot. But I do think that them getting together would be the bisexual version of the hunger games. I think that over the course of their years at school they slowly get closer to eachother and as they realize that their comfortable with eachother they start to feel sick and nauseous. And because they start feeling this way they sort of relapse into their fighting days (not that they ever stopped beating the shit out of eachother. It just got friendlier. Romantic even. Never flirty though both of them would rather die than flirt on purpose. Anyways) because they dont want to acknowledge whatever is growing between them and then it would escalate into a fight in the mud while its pouring rain and then as their trading verbal and physical blows one of them would scream "BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU AND THAT SCARES ME" and the other would scream back "WELL HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL CARING ABOUT YOU SCARES ME TOO" and then they would stare at eachother in the mud and Isabel would angrily scrub her eyes and then leave and Johnny would just stand in the mud. And then after that its a chilly but guilty air between them but now at LEAST their feelings are in the open. And from then on they start showing the worlds most awkward affection to eachother. The day their hold hands it only lasts five seconds before Johnny has to go throw herself in a river and Isabel has to go punch a training dummy. Etc.

Anyways I have to go take some cough syrup now BYE I think you knwo who this is bc I just rebloged the last ask I sent about the jang but LOL. Sending this on anon anyways . Im very sick right now can u tell

I’ve been cleaning my childhood living room for 8 hours. It’s wizard time.

Before I get into this ask, you guys know that I don’t care about actual harry potter, right. Nobody needs to be super familiar with hp or frankly even like it to understand wizard au— honestly, going into it as ‘paranatural characters at magic boarding school’ is a great blank slate to have. HP is a shoddy piece of craft that’s mostly enjoyable through its nostalgia, cultural hype, and a surface level veneer of fantasy. I’m not a hp fan. Moving on.

That’s a fun interpretation! Though as far as Wizard AU goes, they don’t really hide affection. Or avoid flirting at all. They actually do it a lot— but their displays of affection & flirting are mixed in alongside the context of old rivalry, captain/subordinate, and close friendship; so their confusion largely comes from navigating their expressions of ‘having a crush on someone’ feelings amidst all the others. They do it a lot, but their ways of showing it are nowhere near what typical flirting looks like.

They do actually stop beating the shit out of each other around their second/third year— their captain trains it out of them since having two young members frequently get into scuffles will threaten the team’s chances of success. Those scuffle urges don’t fully go away, because it’s also Isabel and Johnny; but they’re routed into more productive outlets that support their strengths, like dueling and close training to strengthen their teamwork. Quidditch is sometimes (especially, in their cases) a very physically involved sport: when you’re flying around at 100mph, 100ft off the ground, if you see your partner get knocked off their broom and they’re halfway to a very flat ground without looking like they have the situation under control, they need you to catch them. You need to catch them. Because if you get caught up in feeling weird about touching your annoying rival, they will die. So after a few years, it’s a point of fact that they care about each other. Being partners brings them both to the point where they… can’t really afford otherwise? Whether or not it scares them falls to the wayside: as a side effect of their positions, it has ceased to matter.

By the time they’re both living with their feelings they’re actually very physically comfortable around each other! It’s a point I reiterate as the series progresses. The few wizard au fics I put out years ago have them very comfortable with casual touch— it’s where casual touch turns to intentional touch that gets them flustered.

It’s one thing to touch your sports partner in a trust fall. It’s another thing to touch your bestfriendrivalcrush in a way that might let them know you like them— or mean they like you back.

Here, have a scene scrap:

:)c

[secretly-tword-obsessed]

omg okay so when i saw that you write for big mouth and human resources i about lost my shit. so im a huge jatthew fan and id really like a lee jay drabble where matthew gives jay cheer up tkls bcuz he's sad about his family OR lee pete the logic rock headcanons.

ofc you can chose not to but yk💓 ill write them if you wont 😩

Hey! Sorry I'm so late to this - if you like it I'll keep making these in quicker time.

Again, so sorry it took so long, I have periods where I do and don't have time for this witting because of school, but I'm free for the next few weeks (yay!)

Sooo I think I'll do Pete HC's, especially because he interacts with Caleb so much in this new season, meaning I can weave him in there somewhere.

Pete is made of rock, so him being ticklish is like, impossible

(bows, leaves)

Hah! Oh so you thought! (re-enters)

So even though he's so rough and strong we all know that he's a softie. We also know that he's muscly, and that muscles make you more ticklish.

Rochelle found out that he was ticklish actually before they were dating by seeing him get tickled by Emmy before hours. Ofc when Pete saw Rochelle he was visibly embarassed and was pathetically trying to sound like a strong guy and said that he was faking laughing for Emmy's satisfaction to shut her up.

"Come on, surely there is an ounce of logic in your love bug brain. You know that I couldn't possibly be ticklish, I'm a rock and i can't even feel temperature. What was I supposed to do when Emmy started annoying me?"

Rochelle smirked - "well, ok, if that's the case than I still don't think Emmy is satisfied, so maybe you should 'fake' some more"

So yeah whenever someone asks if Pete's ticklish or doubts it when he says he isn't he always brings up logic to conclude that he couldn't possibly be ticklish

This also happened with Connie once because yk she's so randomly curious about the weirdest shit so she walks up to him one day and goes - "so, you know how your made of rock right? Does that mean you can't be ticklish?" And his heart STOPPED for a moment.

Also it has happened with Caleb ofc. Once Pete and Maury were in a meeting to create a list of notes on what touches would be acceptable for a potential partner, and they both wondered weather tickling would be ok so they asked Caleb in person. He said that it would be fine but first asked Pete if he would be ok with it. Ofc Pete pulled off his whole "i'm a rock so your question makes no sense" thing and ofc Caleb didn't fall for it and told him that, very many times, he had observed Pete getting itchy, which means that he was just as likely to be ticklish and even more so because he was sensitive. Maury smirked at Pete and Pete felt like throwing Caleb out the window (but never ACTUALLY considered it because he never would - he's a nonviolent rock).

Oh wait I haven't gotten to him ACTUALLY being tickled yet much so he is sometimes tickled by Emmy when she is pressuring him to say something (Emmy can always tell when there is something up).

ALSO I think Caleb tickled him once but on accident. Like he was poking and prodding Pete because he likes the texture of rocks and Pete just clenched his teeth and took it. Until he couldn't take it anymore and started giggling, squirming out of Caleb's grip with a "stawwp ittt" (fic idea?!)

Now, for the most important thing, spots...

Belly - 8/10. Lots of giggles

Neck - Not much

Sides - Bro will SCREAM, especially on the sides of his belly. 10/10

Underarms - pretty bad, some light chuckling. 4/10

That's all I can think of rn, thankyou for reading! Until next time gigglers (:

[krustworld]

I’m a special type of lonely cuz I’ve been naturally popular my whole life.….technically I don’t know that’s not the case for everybody. Anywys My parents never let me have friends (cuz of religion) so I never learned how to cultivate my ppl skills. Now I’m behind and even tho ppl want to like me…im strange and most ppl don’t fuck with that. Even tho they say they do/will I swear so few ppl

Are even 1% open minded ! It’s chill it’s so hard forme to actually connect w people it’s not worth it rather throw myself into my art. Plus I can be myself around my few friends. It sucked growing up not being able to do anything I wanted to do it definetly made my mental problems worse for context I got taken away from my birth mother at a young age I don’t wanna say why bc I love her so much don’t wanna put her on blast but she lost custody had no visitation rights and I didn’t even talk to her on the phone until I ran away at 17! By that time I didn’t remember what she looked like I used to cry about that all the time cuz I thought she was gonna die and I’d never rememeber again I just remembered that she was beautiful and had the greenest eyes in the world! When she picked up the phone I fell to my knees and cried for the first time in 8 years my chest was going crazy is all I could remeber. Anyways My dad and stepmom raised me across the country and they were super super religious and never let me out of their sight it oh yeah we also had this family restaurant that no kidding! I worked at every single day even after school until close and every single day of the summer from open to close ! Which during the summer we would close at 10 pm or later sometimes lollll we would consistently get home at midnight cuz all the cleaning everyday (during summer) was way more than 12 hours everyday god it makes me sad I should’ve been having a childhood bro and oh yes I was the only one in the family who didn’t have a day off every week[or ever!!! Not even once!) cuz young =strong and oh yeah it’s my fault they’re in debt cuz my mom crazy this was something that was regularly said to my young impressionable heart! I would tell u more but I don’t want anybody to get in trouble lollll for real u guys have no idea it was torture especially after being able to do whatever I wanted in the early years of my life it’s so hard to be nice to myself cuz I’ve been treated with such hostility by the ppl supposed to nurture me they literally used me for money and getting their anger out lol yeah living with my mother had it’s problems but I had already learned to deal with them and found identity/security in them and taking me away from her just stripped me of my identity not to mention MY MOTHER and gave me new problems that were just too much with all the other shit that doesn’t just go away cuz I’m not actively there anymore! Ur souls lives everywhere you go that’s why u have to be careful with yourself and with ur kids </3 also for the record I love my dad and stepmom don’t think they meant to be so cruel to me they’re just hurt

[pyriteplates]

dororo

you've made a horrible mistake because some of these are going to be very longwinded because umm i got carried away. HES IMPORTANT TO ME OKAYY. if you want to see me lose my mind keep reading <3

1: sexuality headcanon

HE'S A FA- a gay man.

2: otp

GIRODORO. U ALREADY KNOW!!!!!! myy babies my babies theyre my babies girodoro

3: brotp

Kururu and Dororo. I like the possibilities of their friendship a lot, Kururu does seem to understand Dororo in an analytical way. I think it would be really fun if they talked more.

4: notp

KeroDoro sorryyy the chemistry just isn't there for me. I see the appeal though

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

My under-the-mask hc, where it's all blue babyyy! I actually got that from an old livejournal forum and just expanded on it by giving him a little spot.

6: favorite line from this character

OH GOSH OKAY I'M PICKING MORE THAN ONE... because im special like that and i fucking love this guy

"I understand well your circumstances, but do not appreciate your protests!" and "Child of Lu-Ne! That thrust of yours had determination behind it. It was a marvelous sight." from his duel with Cheuton. seriously such an amazing scene, I loved seeing him act as a sort of mentor!

"But! This has allowed me to get closer to you than I ever otherwise could!" During his fight with Jirara. The voice acting and soundscape in this scene was INCREDIBLE. the way the background goes completely silent while he chokes and supposedly "dies" gives me chills every time I watch it.

On a lighter note, I love his stupid puns even when they're genuinely terrible or get lost in translation.

7: one way in which I relate to this character

If you asked me this in 2012 I would probably have a sadder answer, about how he's forgotten or ignored. What can I say, I was an anxious kid and this guy was my number one coping skill. I wanted to be just like him, I even wore a mask to school for awhile when I was like 12 (before it was cool!)

Now though, I'd have to say his love for nature. I've always had a love for flora, I remember in elementary school I cried for hours over some other kids trying to kick up my favorite flowers. I think, subconsciously or consciously, I was trying to imitate him by protecting them. Now, I'm planning to major in field biology! While my little boy obsession over a character is FAR from the only reason i'm pursuing this dream, he was a pretty good motivator when I was a kid (and now!)

moving on!

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

When he takes a "leader" position and ultimately gets ignored, especially when technology is involved. I love you girl but... calm down

9: innocent or problematic fave?

A bit of both, but i'm leaning towards problematic because he kills people sometimes and I think it's perfectly justified! definitely my fav tho... as you can see by the multiple paragraphs

[the-chronicles-of-a-bookworm]

im so nosy you should get freaked out by me but since you have given me this wonderful opportunity...

1, 2, 7, 9, 14, 15, 16, 17, 21, 24, 26, 41, 46, 55, 62, 71, 72, 74, 77

(I'd say more but let's see whether you can survive this much first)

you nosy little cutie patootie <33 i freaked out seeing these many numbers i gotta add a read more

1. The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…

The last person I kissed on the lips was one of my two childhood friends and if she screamed that she loved me, I'd just scream that i love her too because she'd probably be freaking out about that new keychain i gave her. it's completely platonic, no strings attached. we're just really close that we peck each other on the lips when we're excited.

2. Did you get to sleep in today?

I normally wake up at around 8 because morning lectures start at around 10, so I need time for my morning run and breakfast. Today I woke up at 10, because I didn't have to wake up early. So yes, I got to sleep in.

7. Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

Nope! I'm the tallest of my little friend group (I'm not tall, I just have short friends) so that friend i mentioned in the first answer had to stand on her tippy toes, while i had to bend down a little.

9. Last person to talk on the phone?

My mum. She was a little pissed off because of some family problems (which i try to stay out of) but then she gave me this whole summary or smth about what happened and who did what and then asked for my opinion, which is something i never thought would happen, and then i gave her my opinion and she just sighed and said bye to me. honestly, the problem itself is something about my dad and my aunt having this big fight involving my dad's brother in law who decided to do some stupid shit. i dunno the rest.

14. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

Jeans. Those little shits who I consider my closest, childhood friends decided to take me to a movie. So one of them, Amy told me "it's the best movie i've EVER seen" and then the second one, Manjita was like "It's only January and this is the second movie you've seen since 2023 started." and Amy is all "Do you want Hannah to come or what?" and Manjita is like "Oh yeah. Change quickly, we're coming to get you in 2 hours" so now i'm all ready and waiting for them to pick me up.

15. Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

I think so. I mean, when I was 14, I was basically the same version of myself but emo-er. I had my goth phase, which my mother discouraged. I'm not THAT goth now, but half my wardrobe is still black and my friends (read: little shits) never lets me forget that phase of mine.

16. What were you doing at 4 am?

I was actually in the bathroom, at 4:17 in the morning, sniffing the candle that sits near the sink while I was peeing.

17. Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

I would rather give a speech. But, I'm pretty good at writing a paper too. Writing a paper is easier, but speaking actually makes me feel good, for some reason. Especially if I'm speaking about something I'm really passionate about. I give guest speeches at schools sometimes.

21. Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

I am what, people might consider, the 'goody two shoes child' but once when I went out with my friend (yk amy from the previous stories) I told my parents I would be going to Cold Stone (a coffeshop/ice cream place) but then I went to Baskin Robbins instead.

24. What did you get your last bruise from?

I hit my hip on my desk cause my desk just decided to move 5 inches forward on its own.

26. Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

One less question to answer. I was getting tired with all the typing that I switched to my desktop.

41. Have you had your birthday this year?

My birthday's on August 5. So, no, I have not had my birthday this year.

46. Is it hard to make you laugh?

Never! I can laugh at the stupidest of jokes. A person can just look at me and I can laugh. Like, there's this joke in malayalam and its not even supposed to be funny but i still laugh at it. people say that joke whenever they want to say an unfunny joke. i'll translate it the best I can:

"So there's this old man who's really hungry and he stops by this hair saloon and walks in. He sits on one of the chairs there and asks the barber "what do you have?" and the barber says "hair cut and shaving" and the old guy replies "then i'll have two plates of those"

AND Y'ALL DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I LAUGH AT THIS. ONCE I FELL OFF THE CHAIR LAUGHING. ONCE I ALMOST PUKED. ONCE I CHOKED ON MY CHICKEN. (no but this isnt even supposed to be funny. i just laugh at it cause its funny to me idk)

55. How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

"WHAT IS THIS ABOMINATION ON YOUR SKIN? DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN GET SKIN CANCER? YOU JUST POKE YOURSELF WITH A NEEDLE MILLION TIMES JUST TO GET THIS PRINTED ON YOUR BODY?"

indian parents smh

62. Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

$40,000. I have no need for a car. I would rather buy books or other house essentials.

71. Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

No. I mean, if someone doesn't want to tell me something, I understand. But if they hide some THING from me, I would pester them until they return what they hid.

72. What’s your favorite color?

I love all pastel colors + black <3

74. Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

Another question I don't have to answer cause i've already answered it before.

77. Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

Remember Amy and Manjita? There's an addition to that pair of little shits. He is someone I can tell anything to. Literally. These 3 pieces of shit know everything about me. We call eachother pieces of shit. Literally the most affectionate thing ever. He complains about having 3 girl best friends but as he grew older, we all grew more mature. Sometimes i trust him more than the other two because they tend to tease me more if its embarassing.

AND I AM DONE!!! THANKS FOR BEING NOSY I HAD FUN WITH THIS <333

[strangersteddierthings]

It's been seven months since the last text from Eddie. The last text had been 'bored can we be toxic again' and Steve's told him to shut up, but also agreed.

The time before, a couple of weeks before Eddie's text, Steve had sent 'feeling self-destructive wanna help' and Eddie had said 'thats what im best at ur place or mine?'. It's what they do. Have done ever since that first time they fell into bed together, when they were both far too drunk and Steve woke up to Eddie gone. Seeing him later, Eddie acted like nothing had changed between them, so Steve did, too. If high school and college has taught Steve anything, it's that the thing he's best for is a good ol' roll in the hay. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to keep around.

Doesn't matter that Steve wants more, especially with Eddie. He knew what he was good for, back then. What Eddie thinks he's still good for now.

The text he received from Eddie, what's made Steve so contemplative at -his eye flick to the time- at 8:32 in the morning is six words, sent almost an hour ago.

[7:38am] Im in town. Wanna be toxic?

The seven months between these two texts, the last one Eddie sent and this brand new one, is filled with about 17 texts from Steve that Eddie never answered. Steve looks so desperate, reaching out repeatedly just to be ignored, but...

The thing is, Steve would like to be toxic, and self-destructive, accepting whatever scrapes Eddie's ever offered him. Steve still has those urges. But this last time. That last time, seven months ago, Eddie had been different. Steve can't quite explain how, Eddie's always been attentive, checking to make sure Steve's enjoying whatever they're doing as much as he is. But this time felt. More. It felt like... like maybe Eddie loved him, like Steve loves him. Has been in love with him, since before that first drunken night.

But then, Eddie was gone. Steve woke up alone (not surprising) and then got ghosted (very surprising).

No word from him, until now it seems.

It had fucked Steve up, though. He'd let himself believe that this time, he'd wake up to Eddie. In his (apparently delusional) post-orgasm bliss he fooled himself into thinking that everything between them would change. That Eddie felt the same. That it wasn't just a physical attraction for Eddie anymore.

What a fucking joke.

He'd broke down, sobbing on the phone to Robin. She probably broke every traffic law on her way to Steve's, getting there as fast as she had.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself," she'd whispered as she held him. "You are worth so much more than this."

"I don't... can't believe that. I don't know how."

"Then we'll work on it. Together."

So, all that to say that even though Steve wants to tell Eddie to come over, no matter his urges to still be self-destructive, he's not going to. He can't ruin everything he and Robin have achieved. He can't relapse now that his therapist has just told him he should be proud of how far he's come in half a year.

He can't. He won't.

So, he stares at the text message, takes a deep breath, and replies.

[7:38am] Im in town. Wanna be toxic? [8:36am] i cant

Eddie misunderstands, apparently, because he replies with:

[8:36am] In town about a week. Available whenever

Well. This is going to be the end of whatever friendship they'd pretended to still have, Steve is sure, but he's going to be honest. After a lot of deleting, rewording, deleting again, he settles for something short and simple.

[8:52am] no i mean i cant. i wont. u vanished from my life after making me think u finally finally loved me back and i cant do that anymore.

And then, because he thinks he'll always be his own worst enemy, he sends an immediate follow-up.

[8:52am] love me always or leave me forever

He calls Robin, then, blurting out when she picks up, "Eddie texted me. And I replied. I said- I said something I shouldn't have and now I'm freaking out because I can't. I can't, Robin! I, what if, what-"

"I'm on my way right now, just let me tell Chrissy where I'm going. What can't you do, Stevie?"

"Read his response! I shouldn't have said anything because it's gonna fuck me up no matter what he says! I shouldn't have- I should have blocked his number five months ago when he failed to respond to my final text. We have to stay on the phone. If we hang up, I'll check the text, if he even replies. Goddamnit, why do I do this to myself!?"

Chrissy ends up offering to drive Robin over so she can stay on the phone, and Steve says she should just stay over, too. He's grown close to Chrissy, as she's been Robin's girlfriend for three years now.

Robin stays on the phone with him the whole time, until she's standing directly in front of him from his spot on the floor behind his couch, legs pulled up with his arms wrapped around them, phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder. She takes his phone and hangs up before handing his phone to Chrissy.

"Can you guard this for a moment?"

"Of course," Chrissy says, giving Robin a quick kiss, which makes Steve's chest hurt with jealousy but also happiness because Robin and Chrissy are so happy with each other, and Steve's also so happy for them, "and I'll give you two a little time. I'll be napping on Steve's bed, probably."

Robin laughs and Chrissy heads down the short hallway to Steve's bedroom.

"Alright Dingus," Robin drops down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him towards her until he huddles down and drops his head onto her shoulder. "I'm here. However you need me."

"The text. He asked to hookup. And I- I ended up saying no and telling him I can't do that anymore but instead of just. Fucking ending the conversation there, I told him to either love me or leave me and I'm so stupid. I was doing so good!"

"Hey, no, you aren't stupid. You're just... just a boy in love. That's enough to make anyone do things they regret. When you're ready, and if Eddie replied, I'll read it first. Try and gauge how you'll feel about it, and we can go from there."

Steve nods his head against her shoulder. He doesn't know really which will be worse, Eddie responding or him ghosting again. He just knows that either will hurt and he's not ready to deal with that yet.

[bronwyns-art-locker]

chatterbox

another short story i wrote for class. kinda gimmicky. i still like it.

--

[8:38pm] veronica_is_cool: Can we take a break? :3 I wanna hear about your day!

[8:38pm] xlincoln_logx: sure! u first tho

I’ve been talking to this Veronica roleplayer for about 3 months now. We met in one of those open role play rooms on ChatterBox. We ended up talking for hours that night, so we decided to make a private room for the two of us. It’s pretty rare to find anyone roleplaying Veronica these days in the Magical Arrival community, especially since they killed off her character last season. I guess one could say the same about my character, Lincoln. He’s not necessarily a protagonist, but he’s a recurring character that I really related to. That’s really the beauty of roleplaying online – even the most minor characters can be fleshed out by the fans in whatever way they want. 

[8:40pm] veronica_is_cool: My day was fine I guess! Today at school some kid tried snorting salt during lunch so that was weird xD!

[8:42pm] xlincoln_logx: thats insane lol i was out from school today tho so i just spent most of my day doom scrolling online as usual 

In the 3 months since we’ve started talking, I've gotten really close to her. When we stop role playing we just talk like regular friends. She told me her real name is Lili. She loves to draw, write short stories, and role play Magical Arrival online. What’s cool is she’s the same age as me – or at least I assume so. The thing about online friends is that you can never really discern if they’re telling you the truth about their lives. I took what I could get, though. She still listened to me and treated me like a real friend. Honestly, she was the closest friend I had at the time. But I had never seen her face. Or heard her voice. 

[9:16pm] veronica_is_cool: I’m just really shy, Max. Plus, how do I know that when we video call there’s not gonna be some older creep staring at me through me screen ;P (just joking). 

[9:18pm] xlincoln_logx: nah i get it, im rlly shy too 

[9:21pm] veronica_is_cool: I’m just worried you won’t like what you see.

More than anything, I just wanted her to say yes one day. I wondered what she was so afraid of.

[9:25pm] veronica_is_cool: Max, do you ever feel… out of place sometimes?

[9:25pm] xlincoln_logx: yea like all the time

[9:26pm] veronica_is_cool: How so?

[9:27pm] xlincoln_logx: i mean i dont rlly have friends at my school if thats what u mean. 

[9:28pm] veronica_is_cool: Not really. I mean like, do you ever feel out of place in your own body? Like you wish you could just be born different. 

[9:30pm] xlincoln_logx: i cant say that i have. why, is that how u feel??

[9:31pm] veronica_is_cool: Sometimes. 

I failed to come up with a reply. I had never heard her express something like this before. 

[9:45pm] veronica_is_cool: Sometimes I just look at myself in the mirror. I look at my body, my face, my hair… and I don’t feel like I’m me. I have, like, this picture of myself in my brain of how I want people to see me, but I know that will never happen. Really, the only person who sees me the way I want to be seen is you. 

[9:46pm] veronica_is_cool: I guess that’s why I’m so afraid to show you my face. I’m sorry. 

I didn’t know what to say or what to think. I didn’t know how to interpret what she was trying to say to me. Had she been lying to me about who she was this whole time? I felt a strange anxiety creeping up my body. It started at my legs, and made its home in my stomach. I couldn’t look at my screen for too long or else I’d just fixate on her words and get more afraid of what she was hiding from me. For the first time in a few hours I looked away from the bright glow of my laptop, and let my eyes wander around my room. 

I looked at my bed sheets, then my unfolded laundry. I got so deep into talking to her that I forgot to at least clean my room. Then I glanced at my mirror, and held my gaze longer than I expected. I examined my face; my expression. I looked tired, but not unlike myself. I guess I could stand to get a haircut, because it was getting a little long. And I needed to shave the rat-stache I had been growing since 8th grade. I definitely had an awkward appearance, but that never bothered me. I didn’t feel like a stranger in my own body – not at all like Lili said she felt. I looked away. 

My eyes then landed on the Magical Arrival poster hanging on the wall across from me. It featured all of the major characters standing at a bus stop together in poses that represented their personalities. On the far right stood Veronica. She was staring down at her shoes with her hands in her coat pockets, acting just as shy as she usually was on the show. As I studied her figure longer, I realized that I actually had a face I’d picture when I would think about Lili. 

[10:03pm] xlincoln_logx: we’re friends right lili? 

[10:04pm] veronica_is_cool: I’d like to think we are. 

[10:05pm] xlincoln_logx: you mean a lot to me. you’re someone i want to stay friends with for a while. 

[10:05pm] veronica_is_cool: I feel the same way. 

[10:06pm] xlincoln_logx: then would it be too much to ask that you dont keep anything from me? 

[10:08pm] veronica_is_cool: It’s not… 

[10:09pm] xlincoln_logx: do you trust me enough to show me what ur afraid of? 

[10:10pm] veronica_is_cool: It’s not that simple. I don’t think you get what I’m trying to say.

[10:11pm] xlincoln_logx: i think im starting to get it. can we just try and figure it out together? 

She didn’t reply for a while. I was afraid she had left entirely. I was afraid I scared her away. 

[10:45pm] veronica_is_cool: Okay. Let’s do it. 

That anxiety I felt earlier had found its way back into my body. Instead of being in my stomach, it found its way up to my chest and my arms. I was breathing manually now, and I felt a subtle tightness in my shoulders and on the sides of my ribs. My arms felt like they had 20 pound weights on them. I nervously opened up Skype and typed in her username. It felt like the ringing lasted forever, until she finally picked up and all I saw was her profile picture: a drawing of Veronica. “Sorry,” she mumbled, “I’m turning on my camera now.” Her voice sounded strained, like she wasn’t speaking in her natural register. She finally turned on her camera. 

It was my friend. For the first time since I met her, I finally saw my friend’s face. She had pale skin, and some acne on her cheeks. Her wide lips were contorted into a nervous smile as we stared at each other, just examining each other’s appearance. Her hair was long and slightly unkempt. It reached the tops of her shoulders, and was a deep brown color.  Her blue eyes hid behind thick, rectangular glasses and in the reflection of them I could see myself on her screen. I was surprised to see that she was wearing winehouse style eyeliner, and it was neatly done.  Draped over her body was an oversized “Deftones'' t-shirt; her favorite band. She looked undeniably nervous. Her eyes were shooting around the room, trying hard not to look at herself on her own screen. The more I looked at her the more I thought about our conversation. I thought more about why she was afraid to show herself to me. I thought about how much courage it must have taken to do this video call at all. I thought about the trust she put into me to reveal this side of herself. I needed to break the silence. “You know, you look just like her, right?” I said.

“Who?”

“Veronica.”

[toehwa6]

What’s up partner wanna talk about chronic pain?

Here’s the scoop on chronic pain, at least in my perspective.

So everyone is different, but my shit is I’m 25 with a fuckin degenerative disc disorder which for me is when your fuckin bones just go away. It fucking sucks and it gave me stenosis, two partially herniated discs, and now I’m starting to get fuckin sciatica.

As you can imagine, but back fuggin hurts all the fuckin time, except when I’m walking or on Valium.

Unfortunately I can only walk like 2.5 miles, stand for 40 min, and sit for like 20-30 but when im sitting im fucked and I usually have to get up a bunch.

My life rn is fucked cause I literally do PT for 30min in the morning(not too bad), an hour in the afternoon, and then another 30min session before bed.

All in between im fuckin walking on a treadmill or juggling because I learned to do that recently so I have a something to do while im standing. (Actually very nice)

Anyway, down to the meat of it.

The shit I just described is fucking horrible, and some days I can’t walk or go and do shit like work or get groceries. And everytime I think the pain can’t get worse it does.

But fr the shittiest part about chronic pain *for me* is the fuckin depression that comes along with it.

All I think about all the time is

Im a burden, im worthless, im stuck here, I invalidate myself and my disability even tho Im in pain and can’t walk.

I went to a chronic pain seminar and they focused on the intrusive thoughts.

But they talked about things like

Is the pain ever gonna go away, is the pain ever gonna get worse, am I ever gonna get better

None of those applied to me

Imo those are thoughts you have in the first 6 months of chronic pain, but then you adjust and you don’t care anymore. At least I didn’t after awhile.

I accepted that my situation was fucked, it was never going away, and it was only going to get worse.

Easy peezy

But that weight is always replaced by something else.

Now I hate myself because I’ll never be better than what I am now.

I can’t go to school or have a career I want.

I can’t travel or do things I want to do.

I can’t even be comfortable in my house anymore.

All the while I’m just so focused on not bothering anyone with my problem’s because I’m so afraid of being a burden.

About 8 years ago, my little brother passed away. It took me years to not be known as the dead brother guy.

Now I’m just the disability back pain guy.

I don’t want to be that. I just want to be me.

But for anyone looking in, especially when I can’t hide it. That’s what they see.

It’s funny when people say if they had what I have they would just kill themselves. Like I get it lol. It’s nice to laugh instead of be pitied.

It makes me feel so bad when people have to make accommodations for me.

I spent my whole life trying to be as independent as possible, and now I’m in a position where I NEED to rely on others.

Idk. I know how having chronic pain can make you feel hopeless.

But everyone I’ve talked to who is also in my position are the most positive and ambitious people I’ve met. They want to live their lives so much.

It’s people looking in with their oh no that must suck glasses that assume how I feel.

And that’s why it sucks that people think being in pain all the time when for me it’s just the depression.

I feel so bad that I’m choosing to just push through the pain to have a full time job because I don’t want to feel like a loser anymore.

I’ll literally be taking a pay cut and I’ll have to work more which will be hard. But idc because at least I’ll feel like I have a purpose and I’m doing something.

People always say, but toehwa6, you have a part time job, and you’re fucked! What are you gonna do!

I’m gonna do whatever the fuck I want even if I want to kill myself the whole time.

Hopefully it makes my depression better.

I’m starting to just ramble and shit but idk I hope you read it.

I just say push til tomorrow and it’ll be better. Even if it sucks too or it’s worse just tell yourself tomorrow will be better.

Just do what you want to do

Thanks

[fraener]

1/19/23

what to say first....cried a lot about my grandmother. some part of me hasn’t caught up to the fact that she didn’t die that winter she told me she was sick. i was thinking about her mother’s coat. i miss her so much, i miss sleeping in her house and hearing her speaking quietly in the morning through the wall or downstairs. i am feeling rather low lately. my life is very empty. her advice is to always be moving, always be doing something new. but even in the hours on hours i lose in the studio thoughts find me. reina talks about me and hans nearly nonstop through the school days always just a few feet away from me. i can tell shes afraid to get grouped with me for activities or anything like that. she makes a large display of pretending im not there. i had two dreams where she made up with me and we were closer than ever, and then one where she was cursing me and i could hear her speaking the spell aloud. el is still in nz, shes not getting back till mid february at the soonest. a moment ago i saw a picture of simon and almost cried. i miss him so much. my heart is still broken from that. that, over and over, that forever. i havent been talking to o. even though im so lonely and isolated and tired i hardly have time for anything but school anyways. i often wonder what i am bringing with me from this part of my life. what will i leave with? what skills, friends, lovers? what belongings? i wish i could see ahead and know what i would discern later as the important parts and the unimportant parts. my heart feels terribly weak these days. aching, washed out. is there anything now that will mend me? i miss gardening. i love hans but its different to how i love simon. i feel like hans is a wonderful beautiful companion on a similar path to mine, i feel like he understands and can hold so much more of me than anyone. ive been able to explore so much because of him. everything feels temporary these days. the only deeprooted constants are far and hard to find under the mud of eclipsing moments...im tired of writing about interpersonal relationships/other people in my journal. today i ate lunch behind the campus police precinct. i pulled handles that were good enough off of the bc6 which is a much easier clay to work with in general than the recycled stuff. i threw 8 times with the same hunk of recycled clay. i threw two halves of a vessel with the bc6 as a test for size, both just under 3lbs of clay. the fog was creeping around when i left for school this morning and i was in a bad mood. the moss is rich and reaching. had a hard time deciding what to eat for breakfast so i had a banana with nutella because the milk claims to be off. been having heart palpitations and i read a quick poem i wrote in class. my legs got very sore from throwing today, way more than anything else. also my left pointer finger, first joint, outside edge of right hand, right bicep, and dear god my knees. especially the foot i keep on the pedal, im straining so hard to keep still when i pull the clay up that its causing a weird torque in my shin. i made a whistle last night that works from looking at the mouthpart of a different whistle. i wish we had more time for these projects, theres so much i want to make and work on for a long time and see through slowly. i want to do an ilc with evan some time, maybe next quarter ill be able to plan my own project and work through it quietly and at my own pace. i hope by then my relationship to the studio will be less strained. i almost want to start wearing headphones in there but i use the sound of the wheel to know the right speed to be at so its a tough decision. theres a lot i need to disengage with right now so i can have the space to breathe and practice the activities that are fulfilling to me

[zebracakesarecopingmechanisms]

oughghhhggfds

[zombiesama]

I really hate february

[wizkiddx]

hiiiii !!! if you are accepting requests at the moment, can i ask something about reader and tom expecting a baby, one day while he’s drunk she sees him flirting with another women and when she confronts him he snaps at her and tells her he’s not ready for this “shit”. So they broke up and broke contact for months, until he shows in her apartment regretting his words and they talk but she suddenly at that moment gets into labor?!? I remember seeing a concept similar in a movie but I would love if you couldn’t bring it to life! Thank you so much in advance, appreciate your work a lot 🧸🤎

right so I loved this so much it has become a multiple parter and im not even going to apologise. so thanku so so much anon for getting me out a little rut!!!

summary: when toms caught out all hope looks lost - probs part 1 of 3 but it could get a bit longer too lol

warnings: serious angst, reference to abortion, cheating, a whole lot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hi babe, just to let you know Yamna’s invited me out for dinner this evening so don’t worry if you get home early and im not back! I love you x”

It was a spur of the moment plan, which was a rarity recently. The past 5 months since you’d found out, you could name barely 5 occasions you’d been out past 8 oclock- trading your heels for fuzzy slippers and dresses for massively oversized tops and joggers. It wasn’t how you had expected to be spending the summer before your 25th birthday but it was now your life. The rooftop bars, the wild nights, the get aways had all sort of been cancelled for… for the rest of your life.

Because an 8 month pregnant belly isn’t something you can ignore.

Sure…. it wasn’t the plan. Not the plan to be pregnant with your boyfriend of only 6 months, who at the time you didn’t even live with. But you were making it work. And now, you were just excited. It was the start of a new story with Tom, and you’d got past the phase of being sad and mourning your youth. Because the little bubba inside of you, she was pretty awesome and you really couldn’t wait to meet her.

So yes, you had been home alone eating ice cream from a tub when Yamna knocked on the door. She’d been one of your best mates for as long as you could remember so when she’d turned up unannounced with mascara smeared under her eyes you’d cancelled your plans of a pathetic alone evening. Her boss had just given her the sack - which was no surprise. He was a backwards tory old git who couldn’t handle the fact Yamna was a woman doing the job better than he could ever dream of.

So yes, you’d suggested going out to the fancy new bar down the road - to celebrate the fact she no longer had to put up with the arsehole. Obviously you couldn’t drink and neither did Yamna, but you go to a bar for the atmosphere - and the selection of mocktails they had was insane.

Your boyfriend Tom was already out, he said he had a meeting and then dinner with some execs he needed to shmoosh. Of course you didn’t mind, but he had been working a lot recently, in order to be able to have the time off when your baby girl arrives.

So after sending a little text and giving Yamna another hug to try and turn the evening from disappointment to celebration you walked out the door with a smile on your face. Maybe you could pretend, just for an evening to not be pregnant and whale-like?

///////////////////////////

The bar was just a 10 minute walk so it wasn’t long before the two of you were soaking up the atmosphere. It was all decorated in a rustic fashion, with old exposed wood and dangling lightbulbs from the ceiling and the drinks were incredible. The type that have dry ice or flames or some other sort of fantastical display of edible decorations. Even Yamna had perked up, especially when a guy from the table across had bought you both a round of drinks.

“I’m just gonna pop to the loo.”

“Do you really need the toilet or do you just want to parade infornt of the fit rich man who keeps looking at you?”

“ Is both an option?” You laughed as Yamna slipped off her stool, winking rather dramatically as she did so. She was unbelievable - but at least this way she wasn’t thinking about her work, or lack thereof, anymore.

Happily you sat scrolling though your phone, seeing that tom had messaged you with an okay, before flicking through instagram.

And that was where the happiness ended.

For in a hurried manner, with a face looking a lot more ghosted than when she left, Yamna took her seat again.

“Are you okay?” Immediately your worry took over, the way she was biting her lip and not meeting your eyes not helping.

“I um yeh-yeh. Just I think I saw Tom.”

“Tom as in my Tom?” Her almost guilty looking nod had your scrunching your eyebrows, why was it such a big deal Tom was inside?

“He didn’t see me I don’t think but er… he just looked pretty close to a girl and I-“

To be honest you stopped listening at that point, heart dropping out the bottom of your chest. Because it made sense, he had been so distant recently and even if you’d been lying to yourself that it were work - this seemed much more likely. Whilst nodding along, pretending to listen to Yamna, instead your attention was solely focused on fiddling with the promise ring he’d got you after the two of you decided to keep the baby. He’d been so committed, so ready for this unexpected news. He’d said he was in for the long haul.

“Y/n?”

“sorry I um… it’s probably just a work colleague he needs to sweet talk. I’ll um-I’ll just go say hello.”

“I’m coming with you.” She spoke astutely, very much forcing herself into the situation.

“No no I’ll… I’ll come back if I need you, just wait here.”

Her face was so grim and destitute, as much as you were pretending it was okay - you knew it wasn’t. Before Yamna could protest further, you slipped off your seat ( clumsily thanks to the elephant belly) and walked with fake confidence back inside.

It took you barely 3 seconds to hone in on Tom, call it mothers intuition. He was on a booth in the corner with 5 others on his table but none of whom you recognised. It was 2 other guys and 3 girls - the six all paired off in mathcingly initimate conversations. Apart from that you payed almost zero attention to the others, attention solely focused on your boyfriend and the girl he had his arm round.

She was everything you weren’t. She was skinny - you, as previously mentioned, looked like you had a beachball stuffed under your top. She was blonde with sleek and perfectly styled waves at the tips of her long her - yours was thrown into a messy bun due to the last minute plans.

Most importantly - right now she was wrapped in Toms arms, whilst you stood alone watching.

God knows what came over you, but with confidence you never normally had you marched up to the table, just waiting at the end. One of the men you didn’t recognised, arrogantly asked you ‘can I help you’ - but you completely disregarded it, eyes solely fixed on Tom. He took a moment more to look away from the leggy girl, but as soon as he did his eyes grew massively wide.

“Y/n I-I-“

“Fancy bumping into you, I thought you were out with work executives?” Frantically casting his gaze across the table, you could see the cogs whirring to try and come up with an explanation.

“No I-I was but then Charlie here came over, we used to be mates at school and-“

“Oh fuck off Tom., I cant deal with this right now.”

You didn’t even have the energy to listen to his clearly fake excuses as to why he’d landed himself in that situation. You also certainly did not have it in you to maintain the strong face, you could feel everything shattering inside of you.

Because it was so blindingly obvious by how he had acted. You’d caught him out and you both knew it.

And it fucking hurt like hell.

So you exited the bar as fast as physically possible, hearing the shouts of both Yamna and Tom behind you. You didn’t know what you needed in that moment - except that neither of them were the answer. Tom though, presumably the faster of the two, managed to catch up - grabbing your arm to make you halt in the road.

There was this moment between the two of you that time almost seemed to freeze. The two of you, in an otherwise pretty empty residential street, at 9:30 at night, in a moment that you would never have again. From your point of view, you saw the slightly bloodshot and bleary eyes, widened with panic and fear. For Tom he saw the floods of tears down your cheeks, which you hadn’t even noticed were freely streaming.

But in that moment there was, at least, the slightest bit of peace. The slightest bit of hope - that he could explain, that he had some ludicrous but valid reason for the situation you had walked in on. Just a smidgen of hope that this were recoverable.

But then he had to open his bloody mouth.

“Y/n I swear nothing-“

“That didn’t look like fucking nothing!”

“It was I swear! We just-“

“Tom this is your one and only chance. I don’t care if your off your face, if you don’t give my a miracle of a reason as to what the fuck THAT was - then I’m gone.”

“Don’t say that Y/n, you don’t mean th-“ He tried to grab your hand which you snatched away, like you had just scalded it on a hot plate. Like he had hurt you.

“I swear to god I’ve never meant anything more. So cut the shit.”

“FIne-fine! Um so we were at the meeting and then on the way out I bumped into George and hes been a good mate of mine for years.” All you did was hum, arms crossed and making sure you had a metre of distance between the two of you.

“So he said god you look like you need a drink and I agreed because its been stressful as hell recently.”

“Oh its been stressful; for YOU has it? I’m so sorry Thomas, has it been hard for you while i’ve been throwing my lungs up with morning sickness? Has it been stressful that I’ve been running on zero hours sleep because she kicks me all bloody night? ” Your words were laced in a posioned sarcasm, to which Tom just stammered to.

“Please just let me.” Given he was supposed to be fighting for you, he sounded pretty darn defeated already.

“I said yes to the drink.” He skipped out the bit that had angered you, to which you rolled your eyes at. “And one turned into two and more and then I don’t know-“

“Your going to have to try a lot harder than that.” You deadpanned, taking a small step further back still.

“I mean it! The girls were all his friends and we were just talking.”

“Just talking? All pressed up and arms round her?”

“Yes!” As indignant as he retorted, it didn’t not make up for what you had seen with your own eyes.

“Your such a bullshitter Tom!”

“God why wont you just listen to me?” He cried, wobbly doing a little 360 on the spot, in what appeared to be exasperation.

“Because your just spouting fucking lies! And you try and blame it all on poor little tommo being stressed which is-“

“I HAVE BEEN! Running round after you! I’m just tired of this shit!!! So kill me, for having one night of freedom!”

Tom was too deep in his angry lecture to take any notice of you. Which is why, once finished, he waitied, breath heavy and nose flaring. He was waiting for you to scream back at him. To give it back. He was too drunk to notice the change in your demeanor.

“I’m tired of this shit.”

It was just reverberating round your head. Again and again and again. He was tired of your relationship and you hadn’t even become parents yet. He was at his wits-end and the baby was still unborn. What the fuck was going to happen when baby arrived? Clearly there was no hope. It was dead. Your relationship was dead with no chance of revival.

Because he’d said it. Your relationship was shit, and nobody can put up with something they hate for that long. Not 18 years. Not while bringing up a child.

So with a new sense of dread and fear and complete and total isolation you uttered three single words before hysterically running away.

“Don’t follow me.”

Not now, not ever.

?to be continued?

~~~~~~~~~~gahhhh I hope u enjoyed! I also REALLY CANNOT THINK OF A NAME FOR THIS MINISERIES --> if anyone can think of something pls inbox me!!! ~~~~~~~~

tom taglist: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08 @prancerrparkerr @wildxwidow @Elishi03 @arctic-monkcys @Ownbauer13 @tomhollandlol

[tsukishimas-shortcake]

Relationship Headcanons

↦ Character(s): Hakkai Shiba x fem!reader

↦ Rating/Warning: No rating though there are some light mentions of abuse (if you have read the manga you are aware of what I am talking about, I’m not going very deep into it though it literally just mentions it), mentions of anxiety attacks (no detail though), fluff, not proof read

↦ Word count: 1.8k (longer than planned, sections are bolded)

↦ Your Momo’s Receipt: Hello~ I’m post yet another TR headcanon and this was requested by the lovely @strawbub I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it did get longer than planned but I enjoyed writing it. I'll prob do a part two that's more of a scenario based on your first date or something since I didn't go into it here. Please note: for those of you who don’t know my blog is currently under construction, meaning I will not be updating my masterlist for the time being.

So how did you guys meet, well mostly because of Yuzuha,

One day in like elementary you’re walking home and you see this super pretty middle school girl just like yelling at this small group of guys

The guys end up running off just because they don’t wanna deal with her or the attention she's drawn to them

Behind her was a boy, taller than her but obviously younger. You didn’t assume they knew eachother though.

The boy and yuzuha began walking in opposite directions because one was going home while the other was going to pick up something like groceries

You’re so entranced by how she stood up to them yet she’s a girl who was far smaller and you end up catching up to her, almost stepping on her heels

You end up absent mindedly following her into the grocery store and eventually she just freezes, turns, and stare directly at you

Your eyes widen since you must’ve been staring and she just goes “may I ask why you’re following me?” And you explain how cool she was earlier. She invites you over for dinner (esp since her older brother won’t be home) and figured it’d be good for Hakkai to meet someone his age

You end up going over but Hakkai didn’t come down to eat so you never actually got to meet him, though from then on you would see Yuzuha every so often, visit every other weekend or so

But no matter how often you came over the next few months, you never once met hakkai,

That was until you both reached the end of your middle school education and we’re about to begin high school

You had gone over because you were going to borrow an old work book from Yuzuha, and when you go to knock on the door the door opens before your closed fist could hit it, instead hitting a firm chest

You blush and quickly apologize but the person in front of you doesn’t move at all, doesn’t say anything and almost looks like they drifted into space with their dead stare

You assume this is yuzuha’s older brother because you’ve also never met him and you immediately turn to walk away but Yuzuha calls over hakkai’s shoulder

“Y/N-Chan! You just got here where are you going?” This was def not yuzuha’s older brother. There’s no way she’d be that happy with him around; oh my god. Realization hit, the guy who you hit (though it was more of a tap) was hakkai.

The hakkai you had only caught a glimpse of in yuzuha’s photos, never talked to or actually seen in person despite going to the same school and living in the same neighborhood

He must hate you. That’s why he avoids you. That’s def why - is what you think

Yuzuha drags hakkai back inside and invites you in; you sit down with them in the living room and watch hakkai visibly relax now that he’s inside his house, his own space, with a pillow behind him and a blanket covering his lower half, he almost curls up into it as he continues to avoid your stare

“Hi hakkai…Kun? Im L/N Y/N” you say and you see his face dead pan once again

Yuzuha can be heard laughing from the kitchen as she comes back in.

She leans over and begins explaining that hakkai literally just freezes with any interaction between him and girls who aren’t in his family

You nod, thinking maybe it’s an anxiety thing? Which is the case with you, but only because he’s been watching you since you’ve come over (not in a creepy way) wanting to and working the courage up to talk to you

The 5th or so time you came over after that encounter he was inches away from introducing himself before the house phone rang causing everyone to kind of “wake up” in a sense

Every time since then he gets closer and closer but isn’t able to say anything; he even realizes he has a crush on you.

The way you sit when you do homework and how cute you look when you’re focused.

How your forehead scrunches up when you’re trying to figure something out and you end up just sitting back with a small huff followed by yuzuha’s signature laughter.

It’s also a huge thing that you get along with Yuzuha.

So enough with first meeting time for the confession.

He ends up confessing accidentally. He didn’t know you were coming over to begin with so he was flustered out of his mind. And how was he supposed to know you hadn’t actually fallen asleep and you could hear him over the tv

The tv was more white noise than anything and the day was hot since it was the middle of summer causing the window to be open and the sound of soft wind and small birds to drift in; this was the hot that makes you tired so you were all sprawled out of just sitting in a daze

So while resting your head on the table you’re dozing in and out but then you hear hakkai begin to speak, something he never really did around you

Now did you and hakkai text? Yes. Did it take him an hour to reply because his brain would explode when you replied to him? Yes. But was it a start to communication? Also a yes.

You hear him say your name quietly before he moved closer, you can feel his gaze on your features

“I like you” is all he says. Simple and sweet. But you sit there in shock, trying not to blush so he’ll have no idea you heard him but he can tell because your forehead scrunches

You heard him and are focused on if you should reply or not. And he knows that.

You open your eyes and just look up at him, he’s closer than expected. His hand close to yours on the floor and he reaches over and grabs it lightly. Hoping you’ll also return the gesture by holding his hand instead of leaving your hand limp inside his.

And you do, thank goodness, and Hakkai almost mentally can’t handle it.

Once you start dating it’s more so just hanging out at his house or yours; however he talks a bit more and you text a lot more. He’s gotten better at replying. It usually takes him like 15 minutes now

He’s kinda stressed about your relationship but not due to anything you or him did

He’s stressed because of the mentality his older brother gave him

Is he even allowed to be this happy?

He finally has someone thats small enough and naive enough that he can protect you; compared to constantly being protected it’s a sudden, strong, yet good change for him

He’s touch s t a r v e d

Yes Yuzuha shows affection; but he stopped accepting her hugs when he was around 8 just because he physically wasn’t able to handle it due to his bruises and such

But with you, even with his bruises and all you take care of him. Able to coax him into using medicines and toning down the physical violence (that he can control himself)

He also finds it super soothing when you lightly brush over his scars (especially those that his brother gave him), it helps him believe that scars are only physical and can fade with help

One thing that stresses him out the most is trying to hide you from his brother. Any time you leave something at the house its easy to pass it off as yuzuha's but when it comes to things like photos he has with you, he can't hang them up, show them off, or have them as his phone Lock Screen, etc. because he just really doesn't want his brother to know and target you since he'll then know that you're his weakness (aside from yuzuha as well)

Sometimes won't explain why he can't hang out and has legit pushed you out of his house before at the last minute notice of his brother coming home

Will always make sure you get home safe though, usually by having Yuzuha go with you since then she can just say you're a friend from school

Your parents love him, though they were a bit hesitant it became a "you always have a place to stay" because they learned about their family situation from you and yuzuha. So expect him to spend the night when he's too scared to deal with his brother. Same with yuzuha. (yes I know this isn't yuzuha head canons but its hard to write for him without mentioning her when they're so close)

We're talking three person sleep overs. Yuzuha and you of course share the bed and Hakkai takes some time to even set foot in your room much less sleep on a mattress that's on the floor

He has a small heart attack every time he comes into your room because he's overwhelmed with everything, he's never been so comfortable and it makes him feel restless. Like he's never and I mean n e v e r been less stressed and slept better than when he does so in your room

The smell, the colors, just being surrounded by you is something that completely changes his mood

Once showed up after he fought with his brother, tears in his eyes and clothes a bit tattered and you just pulled him to your room, and sat down with him.

You laid on your bed with him laying down onto of you, head on your chest as you rubbed his head and only said a few words "its not your fault"

He ends up crying so hard he falls asleep and gets dehydrated and you have to make him drink a bunch of water when he finally wakes up.

NSFW

super fucking careful w you

almost annoyingly so, but you're understanding

He knows that he might be taking things frustratingly slow but he knows that since you understand and know his history that you can help him get through it

Your first time you think you'll have to call it off because he's shaking so bad

"baby... are you sure it won't hurt you?" he keeps asking.

pretty sure that's the longest its ever taken him to finish because he was so anxious

despite being so slow and hesitant, late he isn't too scared to get a bit rougher

but im not talking anything crazy im talking like he's willing to pull your hair a bit or nip a bit harder at your neck.

Please never ask him to do anything like degrade you or some type of harsh physical rough shit, he can't

like literally im 99% sure that if you ask him to choke you or something he will pass out because of the anxiety attack he would have at even the thought.

in short with nsfw though he is sweet boy. He's a switch through and through. Loves when you take care of everything because then he doesn't have to be scared of hurting you.