#AM I EVEN LATE
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
#calne ca#hatsune miku#VOCALOID#cw: body horror#<- And I Fucking Mean That We Are Not Fucking Around Today#well we are. as in I drew this as a fuckaround treat for myself#but the body horror tag is the most warranted its ever been on this blog#ask to tag#I am as ever on my journey to make calne ca Worse. her OG version is too cool. even the crab ver is too cool#I need her to be worse to look at. I am also getting myself into to mood to test my hand at boarding a pmv for my friend's cover#I think my thought for this was ''I should try and give her a more insectoid bodyplan''#which in this mostly means gently three-part body and six limbs (my favourite amount of limbs to draw rn)#actually almost gave her eight but didnt like how that silhouette came out so I mermaided her uh. abdomen I guess#though maybe next time I do this I should push that idea more. the head and torso are still very distinct for one unified part#I feel like one of my old attempts was onto something with like. a more horizontal body plan... well! live and learn etc#happy late mid autumn I guess. I should play with touys about it... I miss model kits. mayhaps...
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fucked up so hard forgot to eat enough today and was out in the heat and had a massive migraine after getting home 😭 just woke up from desperation nap trying to make it go away thank GODs it did, I never get migraines that was awful how do people cope w that on the reg
going to make sure my iPad charged and finish up a few things - expect an art dump tomorrow and some filthy shit I wrote during horny hours the other night 🫣🥵
there’s like 2 people waiting on a message back from me I’ll get to you before I pass out or in the morning - we’ll see how long I last before I pass back out 😂 thanks for being rad and so patient y’all are a blessing truly I love this fandom
#Personally unhinged#That’s my personal/Venus chats stuff#Feel free to block if you’re only here for fic/art#Also realizing w my new friends patience maybe I am overly hyper aware of how frantic/late to things I am#AM I EVEN LATE#For a deadline I set myself?#My therapist giving me the side eye like : you do this to yourself you know#Hahahahaha#sorry I’m so sensitive about it I am fully expecting to be chewed out and yelled at at any minute for falling asleep or not R E A D Y for#….for what??? Unclear#Anxiety will not elaborate#Anyway#I’m gonna go ham on these sketches I thought of some great details to add before sending screens#And then I’m gonna write shach and pen helping reader calm down from an anxiety attack bc I could use tjat#I think my heart would be pleased
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don't you want to be a cult leader? - danyal al ghul au
this is mostly a joke post but i thought it was funny and had to share so--
his first mistake was, obviously, inheriting his father's inability to see an injustice and stand still. -- actually, danyal's first mistake was his lair being so big. a mountainous island with a large temple in the center resembling his old home in Nanda Parbat? With sprawling foliage and rivers and streams and waterfalls galore? What was he going to do with all that space? Let it go to waste? He had plants there! Native trees of the ghost zone growing from the soil! He couldn't let it all be left unchecked!
So naturally after helping a fellow teenage assassin ghost -- who he later learns is named Akihiko, -- from Walker of all people, he sent them over to hang low at his lair until it was safe enough for them to wander around the Zone. Walker couldn't get through Danyal's astrofield if his life depended on it, and trust him -- he's tried. Danny was clearing out debris from his stupid transport vans for weeks.
Honestly it wasn't so bad, he and Aki really quickly became fast friends and Danny loves having a sparring partner close to his level again -- he hasn't had this much fun fighting since he left the League. Aki was very dedicated and levelheaded, the both of them clicked really well because of it.
Nonono, the real trouble began after Danyal met some long-passed League members and allowed them to come join his island as well. Apparently they had made a few enemies of the zone, and maybe Danyal still felt some loyalty to the League. He couldn't just let them be left to rot. Their zealotry could be overlooked so long as they kept it contained and helped him take care of his island.
And it.. snowballs from there? He meets a teen squire aptly calling himself Ambroise -- whether that was his living name or not is yet to be seen -- who died during feudal france, who is just about as dramatic and passionate as every french stereotype makes them out to be. He calls Danyal "my moon and great muse" -- which is both flattering and little uncomfortable, but Danyal's grown up in the League as the Grandson of the Demon Head, he is used to mild worship. he passes it off as nothing more, nothing less. -- and while his energy is overwhelming on the worst of days, he helps Danny draw out of his shell more in ways that Sam and Tucker still struggle with.
Him and Aki butt heads a lot, but the two seem to hold the other in at least some positive regard, so Danny doesn't worry too much about them fighting while he's gone. It only becomes a mild issue when Aki also begins calling Danny "my moon". It's a little sweet, so Danyal brushes it off.
Then he takes in a troupe of ghosts some time after he defeats Pariah Dark and they begin calling him "great one" just as the yetis do in the far frozen. This is where he meets the twins -- a pair of sibling ghosts who call themselves Trixie and Missy (short for Trick and Mislead) -- who aren't quite as passionate as Ambroise but more energetic than Aki. Eventually they also start calling Danyal "my moon" and attach themselves to his hip, even within the living. They like to hide in his shadow and cause trouble for the rest of the students. He makes sure they don't hurt anyone.
He's pretty sure Aki is jealous, same with Ambroise, but he can't be too certain other than the fact that they become much more lingering (re: clingy) whenever he visits the island.. Something he's trying to do much more often these days due to the increasing amount of people living there now. Since when did he become so popular?
Then there's Pēnelópeia from the Greater Athens, who ran away from home and joined his Island after he ran into her while she was being chased by Skulker -- and he's pretty sure the reason was because of her chimeric appearance. Her strange eyes and mismatched wings and lion's tail and talons. She assimilates into his friend group very easily, she gets along well with Ambroise and Trixie and Danny usually finds the three of them climbing the trees to pluck the most fruit from the top. They can fly and he knows it, but they prefer to climb.
Then finally there's silent poet Akkara who comes from ancient mesopotamia, who gets along most with Aki -- which is no surprise there considering their similar personality dispositions. he watches Aki and Danyal fight each other and leaves comments on this or that that he notices. He writes Danyal poems on clay tablets and leaves them by his room.
They're one big mismatched group of outcasts, and Danny's got the other ghosts on his island to tend to, because they're living on his island and he wants to be hospitable even if he struggles with that. But he spends the most of his time with them.
Sam and Tucker are making fun of him. Tucker jokingly tells him 'careful Danny, at this rate you're gonna start a cult'. Danny really wishes he had taken that joke more seriously.
He just. keeps. collecting people. Wayward souls lost in the zone, looking for shelter or refuge from something or other -- whether that be another hostile ghost, or a past afterlife, or just a purpose. Danyal finds them, he takes them in, offers them a place on his island until they are ready to leave. Many seldom do. He's not complaining -- he has the space, and it feels like it's only ever growing.
His close friends, his "inner circle" as he's heard the others call them, keep insistently calling him "my moon". He starts calling them his stars, because then it only feels fair. They're his stars, this is his constellation. It becomes a thing; little star halos begin forming behind their heads, picking them out from the rest. He loves them so much, it's hard to place. Sam and Tucker are also his stars, but they reside in the living realm, they're his tie to Life. Meanwhile, his friends here know what it's like to be dead, and sometimes its nice to relate.
Those living on his island keep calling him "Great One" and he's beginning to notice zealotry in their care for his island. He really, deeply appreciates it. His close friends gain nicknames -- as his stars, it's only natural for him to pick them out from the cluster in the skies. Akihiko, his Sirius and bright star. Trix and Missy, Castor and Pollux, the twins and troublemakers. Ambroise, his zealous Antares and close friend. Penelopeia, chimeric and loyal Vega. And Akkara, his Arcturus and strength.
It's ridiculous how long it takes for him to notice; he is, of course, a deadly trained assassin. He is meant to be observant -- and normally he is! But somehow this becomes a blind spot. One that becomes too big to be dealt with by the time he realizes it.
He should've noticed when Aki, his Sirius, stood beside him one day while Danyal looked over his island and saw the sprawling spirits carrying on about their afterlife and bowing to him as they saw him, and said: "I looked down into the depths when I met you; I couldn't measure it." They aren't one for flowing prose, it took him so off guard he was silent for over a minute before he finally spoke.
Danyal should've recognized devotion for what it is, and yet he didn't. He should've recognized it when Antares began spouting praises about him, crowing about his radiance and resplendence to the heavens. He just brushed it off as Ambroise being Ambroise. He should've recognized it when Trix and Missy nearly broke Dash's leg after he knocked Danyal's books out of his hands, he excused it as them being protective. Of them coming from times where such violence may have been customary -- after all, that's what he used to be like. What he was still like, sometimes, when his emotions nearly got the better of him.
He should've noticed it when the people living on his island followed his word like gospel, looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky. When his friends gifted him a shawl with the moon phases delicately embroidered into it, with silver, shimmering thread and moving stars lovingly stitched into it. Their constellations seen clear as day in the dark fabric. When he found small shrines dedicated to him -- but they lacked any image of him beyond stones carved to look like moons, so he ignored it. When the religious imagery began popping up.
He really, really should've noticed it when a bunch of cultists accidentally summoned Antares, and Antares had turned to him when he arrived and called them heretics. But he was so centered on the fact that they had kidnapped one of his stars, that he hadn't paid much attention to what Ambroise had said.
Sages say that faith is blind, they should also say faith in you is even blinder.
It really only hits him one afternoon while he's sitting in Sam's room studying with Tucker, Missy and Trixie lounging at his feet, Aki sat on his right, Penelopeia braiding his hair, Ambroise draped against him, and Akkara lurking over him. Its one of the rare few times they're all in one room together.
It hits him like a bolt of lightning. He looks up from his textbook. "Oh Ancients," he says in no amounting shock. Everyone looks up to him.
"I've become my grandfather."
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc au#dp x dc au#dpxdc prompt#ive been playing cult of the lamb recently and you can tell#anyways i thought this was funny to think about. its specifically danyal al ghul bc that makes it even funnier#tfw you accidentally become a cult leader. rip to you danny you have a cult following#not at ALL an accurate depiction of a cult but i still think its funny. innaccurate cult depictions. ur in too deep to change it now danno#sam and tucker: hey dude... this is a cult | danny still learning how to People: what. no. these are all my friends and refugees.#his inner circle are all Insane about him they just show it in different ways. Sirius is as equally zealous as the rest they just don't#show it as much. which has mistakenly convinced danyal that they are the more logical one. no danny. they would kill for you#danny: i am being hospitable | sam: you created a cult | danny: i am being hosPITABLE#i dont like ghost king aus but i love danny being in positions of power it just has to feel earned. 'accidental kingdom acquisition' is my#favorite trope it just has to be done correctly. 🫵 build that bitch up with your bare hands and not realize until its too late you fool#'becoming a world power by accident and im in too deep to back out now'#danyal. a raised assassin (has no threshold for normal behavior): *sees utter devotion towards him* yeah this is fine and normal.#danyal: yk i dont see this ending horribly. *goes and collects more followers* yeah this is totally cool. welcome to the constellation#danyal: *saves a few people and houses them in his lair* (everyone liked that [to a worrying degree actually])#his inner circle: my moon! | danny: my stars :]#danny: ive become my grandfather. | danny: ... | danny: idk how to feel about that honestly.#those poor cultists that kidnapped antares were subjected to a 3hr tangent about 'the radiance of the Moon and his resplendent generosity'#before danyal found him and got him home. who were the cultists summoning? who knows! but they got Objectively the Worst out of the#constellation to summon by accident. actually they're all bad there's no picking who. they're all various amounts of Unhinged Danny just#Never Realizes It because he is also Unhinged and thinks some of this shit is normal.#like yeah thats totally normal behavior he has no questions whatsoever. this seems like Typical People Stuff.
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[Insert funny joke]
#Kalim x Ruggie isn’t my favorite Kalim ship but I honestly couldn’t be bothered to draw Silver#I am STRUGGLING through art block#twisted wonderland#kalim al asim#ruggie bucchi#Jamil viper#shitpost#twst#art#fanart#disney twisted wonderland#ディズニー ツイステッドワンダーランド#noahsart#my art#ジャミル・バイパー#カリム・アルアジーム#ラギー・ブッチ#twst shitpost#scarabia#savanaclaw#Kalim x ruggie#ruggie x kalim#rugikali#twst fanart#I am having a whole ass identity crisis ngl because I am seriously doubting if I even like making art as of lately#I’ll probably get over it soon enough but man#it’s not fun
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fuckass birthday cake
#PRETEND I POSTED THIS ON TIME AND THAT I AM NOT LATE EVEN THOUGH I HAD AMPLE TIME TO FINISH THIS.#THIS DOES NOT PROVE THAT I AM NO LONGER DEKU'S NUMBER 1 FAN. BECAUSE I STILL AM.#anyway happy bday to my ult comfort character .. how long has it been? 5 years? oh god.#bnha#mha#midoriya izuku#fan art#becki draws stuff n stuff#rendered
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so just know, I'm healing / even though it don't feel like it
insp
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#good evening it is past midnight and i am here furthering the itfs scar kissing agenda#stumbled across the insp pic buried in my likes and i went oh this is relevant in the opposite direction :) I Can Use This :)#op has some of my fav itfs fanart ill b so real n tht piece ws swimming around in my brain fr Days#so i told myself today my reward for submitting my zine checkin wld b drawing yuuji kissing megumi's scars#also pls observe. /this/ is what i mean when i say tht megumi receiving affection looks like he is unsure and in mild pain#Does Not Know How To Respond To Affection Even From His Own Boyfriend.png#i LOVE drawing megu with this expression so sosos much the downcast sidelong gaze + furrowed brow.....#its SO good#also idk what i did with his hair here but the render actually turned out so well ?? best megu hair to date every1 pls clap#not 2 mention th shape of yuuji's bangs???? pats self on th back no offense but i am on fire w these boys' hair lately#that being said i decided i did not want to render anything else ddfdfjjghdjgf i got tired#kept the rest flat n took the opportunity to play around w light chromatic abberation on the scars#idk if any1 noticed but i found th retro film filter n used it a bunch on my recent comic#its so convenient it comes w built in noise n everything!!!!!!#anyway . caption is salt fv <333 if u care <333333#i think it is also a megu song but like . a post-canon megu song#i thought this wld take longer bc i was planning on rendering everything so i cracked an energy drink and am tragically awake#shld i start smth new we shall see smile :)
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so excited for Kalim to save the day by swiper-no-swiping this dip. you can do it! I believe in you!
god I hope this reads properly
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#i feel like kalim and the marshmallow test operates under roger rabbit rules#whether he passes or fails depends on which option is funniest at the time#anyway HEY things are finally actually happening!#so glad fellow agrees with me there#did he even expect them to make it to the show. did he very quickly have to choreograph a poppy little dance number.#honestly in retrospect i am also shocked that they lasted as long as they did#i mean. floyd is there. c'mon.#speaking of which i did really enjoy floyd going BYE JADE! MAYBE I'LL COME BACK TO SAVE YOU LATER IF I FEEL LIKE IT!#revenge for the popcorn#sorry if this is nonsensical! somehow it became like 4 am while i wasn't looking#i am super digging the evil theme park shenanigans (now that they're actually happening)#it's just Very Late!
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As promised, a bunch of sketches I did in free time. Obsessed is an understatement.
#BBC Musketeers#The Musketeers#Annamis#Aramis#Anne of Austria#The Three Musketeers#René d'Herblay#Santiago Cabrera#Alexandra Dowling#I AM so obsessed again#it's not even funny#i love my boy#as you can see#so feral I'm watching all the fanedits on yt#uhhhh#it's been some time since I actually draw (aside of one thing i did for work last week)#like since March?#I'm artblocking a lot lately#mine#sketchy#art#this composition is wack#please forgive me#*goes back to being feral abut Aramis and Anne*
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I think I've lost control over my life. What am I even doing? I wasn't even supposed to be DRAWING
alt version with the og meme text + only the two since it took a while to do
#am i even supposed to post this goddamn late#mars artz#sun#moon#dca#daycare attendant#fnaf#fnaf dca#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#fnaf sb#fnaf security breach#fnaf daycare attendant
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Cryptic visions of space and time...
#essek#essek thelyss#critical role#mighty nein#caleb widogast#this works on its own but it's actually part of a bigger fancomic idea i have#but i still have to figure out if i even want to invest so much time into something like that lmao.. prob not#i already made a concept document for fun and its way too long.. unfortunately i rly like it#i rly believe in the idea tbh i just dont know if its physically possible because i work fulltime LMAO#its a lot of fun tho#here i am 3 years late idk why the essek thoughts bubble out NOW ignore me
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Everywhere I look, he’s always there
Was reminded of this trend from awhiiiile ago and just HAD to do a lil spin on it.
#myart#sam and max#sam and max freelance police#freelance husbands#digital art#illustration#also haha! I am not done with Sam and Max quite yet!#I haven't been all big in Sam and Max lately cause of college but I appreciate all the love even when I post other stuff#also! this could be interpreted as freelance husbands or freelance wives#I like that it works either way
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mild spoilers for chapter six for my series again &. again, but i really feel the need to ramble about this, and i'd love to hear anybody's opinion on this hehe.
as i write outline chapter six (and write for chapter five), i'd like to say i couldn't wait to write the reader's face reveal in bruce's perspective. and it's not just angst, for me, this plays a very pivotal turn for the series— because bruce will spiral to insanity.
to never once see a single portrait of your second youngest child, whose presence has long been erased from the manor, not a single image, nor trace of you is sickening to the heart, even if he scours through the internet day and night for a single memoir of you, nothing— but to find your portrait in alfred's living quarters and seeing you for the first time in forever? graduating a milestone no less?
god, he's in for a ride just analyzing every aspect of your physical appearance.
the color of your eyes, the shape of your nose, the quip of your mouth, the fat in your cheeks; even the length of your lashes! god, does he brand it into the deepest parts of his mind to never forget you anymore. his pearl, his treasure.
the longer he stares, the more he notices and gazes even more, obsessive as he stands lonesome in the room with every bone in his body locking up, his eyes unable to look away from the portrait that showcases his baby child.
and there, there it is that he concludes a detail so small it's unrecognizable for someone who's seen it for his entire life; yet it's all the same triggered deranged emotions deep within him.
— you don't just share him and your mother's traits, no, your smile is also reminiscent of his mother's.
martha wayne, who'd died in his arms, laying in a pool of her blood with a bullet grazed deep inside her body. his loving mother, who caressed his face whenever he'd cry from his nightmares, who'd shown him motherly love that until now he still craves.
she died with her pearl necklace that once decorated her porcelain neck spilling to the ground and stained with crimson.
you wore pearl earrings on your graduation.
the thought alone is enough for him to just snap.
this? this is the child that he's been neglecting far too long? who shares the same, loving expression of his mother's? his child? not even a single memory could be conjured with you but fantasies now do. if your happiest moments were within the picture frame that he holds with shivering fingers at present; could your smile be any wider if you'd be with him?
how come he never once noticed? why is bruce always destined to fail left and right? why, just why is he brimming with jealousy for all the people who must've seen your smile before him, and contempt for himself that he was never there to pick you up from the police station beforehand?
bruce isn't a heckler for favoritism, but a darker part of him is motivated to take you away from wherever you are, and to never let anybody else witness his beautiful, little treasure.
he's gotham's knight, first and foremost. but he's a father, too, with goals to protect his children just like a father should.
and the things he'd do for you, his child, now? anything.
if it means he has to see that smile, then he'll turn the world upside-down.
he has to protect your smile.
#🧁... yael's misc.#series: again & again#yandere dc#yandere dc comics#yandere batfam#yandere batman#yandere bruce wayne#yandere#platonic yandere#male yandere#yandere x male reader#yandere x you#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n#yandere x gn reader#soft yandere#ngl my stuff has felt like it's been flopping lately#that i've been getting demotivated again#i love writing but i sometimes just can't!!! am i even doing good enough#i feel like such a failure every time i write something and it doesn't go in the direction i want it to#like i want to write but i might just end up being in another hiatus the longer i suffer through imposter syndrome#ignore this short rant i love angst GRAHH !! 🔥🔥🔥
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Weird dream.
#art#tmnt#tmnt original iteration#tmnt au#tmnt au leo#leo#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmta#artists on tumblr#Hi I came up with an AU idea like. Last November#*Oops October actually#And I'm only just posting about it on main. I'm so good at this#Tbf I'm quite happy to just work on it slowly I've got a lot of plot points to iron out anyway#Also I'm primarily doing this for myself#So sorry if the stuff I post doesn't have much substance to it. This mostly only exists inside my brain#Only thing I will share is that I've been referring to the setting as Teenage Mutant Transgender Allegories in my head lmao#They're not explicitly trans. But they may as well be because I am projecting Hard onto this#The turtles are also. Kind of dicks to begin with. Less so Donnie but he has other problems to deal with#The whole thing is about growth and learning to change. So yea#And obviously family too. This is TMNT after all.#ANYWAY. I WILL STOP RAMBLING IN THE TAGS NOW.#Gonna go through my drafts and post the other stuff I made before this one so it's at least in the right order even if I am posting it late
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hi!! I think your art is *so cool* o(≧∇≦o)
do you think you could draw more moshang? either post canon or that au you did last time?? (baby mobei has my heart and all I own)
(˵ •̀ ᴗ •́ ˵ ) oh! how about return to childhood—moshang flavor?
don't question this king, shang qinghua, he knows what he's about
#just because junshang is going to throw a fit and doesn't know how to capitalize on a good thing doesn't mean mbj is the same#svsss#moshang#mobei jun#shang qinghua#mbj#sqh#return to childhood#he's finally small enough to fit on sqh's lap!#he's going to have sqh carry him *everywhere* until his qi evens out and he becomes full-sized again#maximize the spoiled prince vibe - sqh is going to be exhausted by the end of this he is not having as much fun as sqq#anyway the demon court is just going to have to bite their tongues and deal with it otherwise they'll have a full sized mbj come after them#though tbh this would be a fascinating au because yeah... just like with lbh there's probably enough people who'd be willing to gun for mbj#when he's small and severely weakened#but i love the idea of his throne suddenly being to big for him so he just makes sqh assist (cuddle)#anyway anon thanks for the prompt!! i am SO happy to draw more moshang and welcome any and all suggestions#either just about them or about the childhood!au#i really should play with the concept more... i have not been able to get into a writing mood lately but it'd be nice to finally write#a svsss fic - i've got at least a couple for both mdzs and tgcf after all#until then though: art!
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Happy 20 years to the Imperishable Night
#Touhou#Touhou Project#Imperishable Night#Get ready for all the character tags#Eirin Yagokoro#Kaguya Houraisan#Fujiwara no Mokou#Reisen Udongein Inaba#Tewi Inaba#Keine Kamishirasawa#Mystia Lorelei#Wriggle Nightbug#Reimu Hakurei#Marisa Kirisame#Sakuya Izayoi#Youmu Konpaku#Yukari Yakumo#Alice Margatroid#Remilia Scarlet#Yuyuko Saigyouji#(and Ran Yakumo and Chen but theyre barely visible lol)#Just a day late for the anniversary day damn it...#I started on this a bit over two weeks ago#And worked on it almost every day#Though i've had the idea of the composition of this piece for a long time#Specifically Reimu and Marisa in the middle facing off against eachother#And then the hourai immortals at the top with Eirin in the middle and Kaguya and Mokou on either side#I am slightly sorry to Mystia and Wriggle cause i kinda forgot about them and just threw them in where there was room#But yeah i worked real hard on this and even though i have regrets about how i went about it and i think it couldve been better#im just proud i finished it at all
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i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#hobbies#writeblr#what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog#although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person#i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally#writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like#it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing.#which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like#i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me#bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely.#it HAS to be a job. it must#also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself#to make it RIGHT#and im like ... idk i only have an hour#so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing
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