#A lot of the time my dreams are either batshit or I forget them

[hagposting]

I dreamt I was a child again, crawling in mud and up trees and on jungle gyms, suspended over pits of wood chips and pine needles.

And behind me came another, not quite a child, a spirit perhaps. Small and nimble with sharp teeth and a sweet voice. No bigger than a doll. I waited for it at the top, legs swinging over the hollow fall. And when it came in reach, I seized it and broke it completely in half. Split it over my skinned knee without second thought.

It shattered. Utterly and completely, into powdery slivers. A thousand tiny motes of itself dug into my chubby hands and glittered beneath my skin. I dug and pinched but could not work them free. And when I woke this morning, my palms still stung with phantom glass.

[twilightarcade]

What is the best/most recent/most interesting (up to you!) Dream youve had that you can somewhat rememeber?

OK SO. my dreams are somewhat all over the board. Either bleeding into reality (this is annoying as hell and really fucks with me sometimes), being mildly off the walls (Things Occurring in rapid succession with no clear reason or logic), or something really silly we're not geting into. Generally this is more of a spectrum however (imagine an xyz plane of borderline reality to clearly never happened, off the walls things happening to basic and understandable narrative, and silly to not silly). Last night's dream for example lands on the slightly silly, would be near reality if not for the batshit plot.

MORE UNDER CUT IDFJFT HOW LOMG IT SHOUDL BE BEFORE I CUT IT BUT I LOOKED AT IT LIKE HM. THATS LONG.

THAT SAID. We aren't talking about lasts night dream sorry babe (BABE REFFERINGTO THE DREAM). I DO however have a few assorted dreams that I've tucked under the "try not to forget because they were of interest" category (they're living in my brain right next to the dreams that I won't forget.) I may or may not have talked about them before, but we have the reoccurring power rangers plot, the dragon under the Italian restaurant dream, THEN THIS ONE DREAM.

power rangers plot. Alright. Basically, I'm generally at my house or my childhood home (feels dramatic to say it like that), and like. Things start occurring. Ranging from me getting evicted to there being fighting outside for no good reason. Regardless of the case, I get contacted by none other than the power rangers. For some reason, I have the morphin crystal whatevers in my possession and I need to go fight whatever evil is occurring directly outside my home (they want to steal the crystals. Obviously.) I, a power ranger, go fight them, nearly die a bunch of times (can't actually die I'm a power ranger. Duh.) And inevitably wake up with no real. Conclusion.

DRAGON DREAM. Had this dream when I was a kid (I forget exact age) and fell absolutely in love like I thought about this dream so much I expanded the world and made more characters and plot lines to fit in and everything. I tried sooo hard to have this dream again just so I could make my dreams (thoughts???) a reality (dream.?) I don't think I ever managed to. Very basic plot summary is: restaurant is advertising dragon slides, huge room with dragon, one real, one clearly fake, dragon advertised as hyper realistic replica, dragon is real and literally eating people. I fell. Absolutely in love with this concept. Thought about it for days on end. There was even this "plot"??? Where people were divided over whether they hated and wanted to kill the dragon or wanted to continue living under the dragon in fear (dragon was orchestrating the whole thing in this plotline and threatened to eat anyone who disagreed) and I don't think that plotline ever actually reached a conclusion.

ANYWAYS DROPPING THAT FOR NOW umm. There's a lot of like. People from my dreams I think about a bit. There was this one particularly fucked up dream I'm not getting into, and there's this one lady I think about a bit. She was a deeply saddened individual to say the least and I wish her the best. There's potato the white lab (maybe?) who I kind of love and would do anything for (he got lost then I found him. Ignoring the rest of the dream. Obama was there.) Who wasn't there for like half the dream and wasn't even my dog. There's the awkward host from dragon dream. Absolute loser. A few days ago we had the lesbians that blocked my way to the drinking fountain because they were making out and i didnt want to bother them (this dream had an absolutely unfollowable plot too.)

ALSO shout out to all those silly dreams that appealed to my fears. Generally those have the most solid plotline which is mildly annoying. Honestly I don't really need their help to be scared thanks I do that to myself enough though. I'm still not sure if the screwdriver thing was from a dream or just a really stupidly active imagination because well! It's certainly active. Just don't know why that in particular really stuck with me.

I think we would be here all day if I ever got to talk about everything I remember in depth </3

[edoro]

1 and 2 with Jackson for that ask meme?

i love how he is apparently The People's Favorite... tbh he's kind of my favorite too. precious babygirl. putting this under a cut because the very first answer contains a description of the twins' dad trying to murder-suicide them

What memory would your OC rather just forget? - oh it's hard to pick just one, honestly. there's a lot of stuff he wants to forget and a lot of things he has, in fact, forgotten! one of the worst that's very fresh and very hard for him to deal with, though, is the night his dad died. after a year and a half of hanging out with Emmy and Max and talking to them, Laurence tentatively brought up the idea that maybe one day he might move out and live on his own, and their dad absolutely flipped his shit about this. a lot of arguing and emotional manipulation and abuse ensued, and Laurence pretty quickly walked it back, but their dad knew that the idea was in his head, so after a month or so he decided to take matters into his own hands and ensure that if he couldn't have his twins, then no one could, and tried to do a murder-suicide. he came up with a sedative cocktail of pills, gave it to both the twins (at gunpoint), locked them in his room, and went around and covered the house in gas and set it on fire before coming in, taking it himself, and laying down with them to pass out and die in the fire. and all of this is horrifying, yeah, but the thing that Jackson wishes he just did not have to know or remember or hadn't happened from this evening is that Laurence took the pills. Jackson didn't - he swallowed them and then immediately made himself throw up as soon as their dad left the room, hid the mess, and started trying to figure out a way to get himself and Laurence the fuck out of this situation before they died. he ended up having to just lay down in bed with Laurence and pretend to be on the verge of passing out when their dad came back, and wait until their dad himself was too incapacitated to do anything to get Laurence up and drag him out of the house, which was very much On Fucking Fire at that point. and he has never forgotten or really gotten over the fact that Laurence was ready and willing to die when their dad wanted him to. that he wasn't going to fight or try to do anything to get out of it. that Laurence was going to just leave him. he was absolutely terrified that he was going to just end up alone in the world, with no idea what to do or how to take care of himself, and he feels deeply, deeply betrayed and sees it as a profound abandonment. he tries really hard not to think about it or let himself actually admit how angry and terrified he was and still is about it for a while, but eventually ends up exploding about it because that's not really the kind of thing you can successfully repress for very long.

What's something about your OC people wouldn't expect just from looking at them? - oooh hmm... after he's been on hormones for a while a lot of people get surprised by his voice. he has a pretty androgynous face even before hormones and afterwards he can very easily influence how he's perceived depending on how he dresses and what physical features/gender signifiers he highlights, so when he's intentionally presenting in a very femme manner he visually passes pretty easily, but he doesn't really bother with voice training. he is also like, batshit insane, and between him and Laurence he's definitely the more ruthless one, which is definitely at odds with his cute bubbly cheerful silly demeanor and presentation. most people would expect him to be very sweet, and he definitely is, but he also mostly only cares about a few people who are very close to him and is willing to go to pretty extreme lengths to protect them/himself. i think a lot of people might either just see him as cute and harmless or sort of a manic pixie dream girl and not realize that he's genuinely very mentally ill and debilitated by his symptoms a lot of the time.

[agentnico]

The Suicide Squad (2021) Review

This may be the better of the two, but the first Suicide Squad film will always hold the crown for managing to win an Oscar... somehow.

Plot: The government sends the most dangerous supervillains in the world -- Bloodsport, Peacemaker, King Shark, Harley Quinn and others -- to the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese. Armed with high-tech weapons, they trek through the dangerous jungle on a search-and-destroy mission, with only Col. Rick Flag on the ground to make them behave.

“So that’s it, huh? We’re some kind of suicide squad?” says Will Smith in the original first film, with the line in itself being a poor attempt at a fourth wall break, yet, that movie never reached that promise of being a true Suicide Squad film. Because hardly anyone died, and as a whole David Ayer’s film was a generic mess, regardless of studio interference or not. In comes James Gunn from Marvel, who seems to have cracked the code for how to bring this comic book series to live action in proper gratuitous form, with even the ‘The’ in the title symbolizing that this is the one!

I remember going to see the first Guardians of the Galaxy film at the cinema, and back then I was still only just getting acquainted with watching western media, and that included superhero films. Heck my first ever Marvel movie was Thor: The Dark World! I know, what a banger to start with.......NAAAWT!! Anyway, I went to see Guardians and it was one of the first superhero films I came out of feeling like I truly witnessed something special. It had action, comedy and a good heart to it, and wouldn’t you know, my good old pal James Gunn was behind that flick. I don’t know why I called him my good old pal, I don’t even know the fella. Except in my dreams, but we don’t talk about that. So, flashforward to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, which I absolutely hated, and for that movie I’m pretty sure Marvel gave Mr Gunn mostly full reigns of creative freedom, as long as he kept it family friendly, and the result was a mess. Hence naturally now I was really sceptical when James Gunn ended up at Warner Bros. following the controversial moment when cancel culture decided to aim it’s slimy fingers at him, as he was given directing and writing duties for this new The Suicide Squad film, and also it was heavily insinuated that Warner Bros. basically told him he could do with the movie whatever the f*** he wanted, excuse my French. And we remember how it panned out last time when James Gunn was given a lot of creative freedom. 

Flashforward to present day; here I am wondering and scratching my head thinking what in the heavens has happened, as by golly I am happy to report that The Suicide Squad is a total winner and a blast with a capital B - Blast! Gosh goodness golly goblin, this movie is so much fun from beginning to end. Right from the opening sequence you know that this film isn’t holding back any punches. It’s going at a 447.19 km/h speed of a Koenigsegg Agera RS crashing through any barriers like it’s nothing. Speaking of the opening sequence, it establishes why the movie is called what it’s called from the get-go. You straight away are proven how not a single character is safe, minus the obvious one that we know who it is, as there ain’t no way Warner Bros. would have allowed James Gunn to kill off that one character. But besides that person, everyone else feels like they could die at any given moment. That’s really a big charm of it, as it is frustrating how in many superhero films, let alone any blockbuster action flicks, so many characters always feel so safe and unstoppable, no matter how many times they get shot or how many buildings crash down upon them. And yes, this movie features a certain CGI character that constantly gets that treatment and survives, although it’s very self aware in that regard and is purposefully humoristic. But overall the entire set of characters feel easily disposable, and so so many of them die in such gruesome fashion, so indeed don’t get attached, as they don’t. 

Speaking of which, this movie is hardcore gory! You see limbs and intestines flying round left and right, a guy gets ripped in half by a humanoid shark, another’s face gets teared off by a shotgun bullet and so on forth in all kinds of gruesome fashion. Visually this is one for the big screen, as here’s the thing: you’re either a mummy’s boy or you grow some cojones and go see a man’s heart get stabbed with a piece of debris glass in 4K high rate definition! Your choice! Oh, and it’s not just the violence, also the cinematography and the practical set pieces all look incredible. This is easily James Gunn’s best looking movie. The entire think LOOKS incredible!

We also have to talk about the cast, as they are all great! There literally isn’t a single weakling among them. Each one, no matter how big or small their role is, brings something to the table. I can’t talk about all of them, as we’d be here all day, so I’m simply going to mention a few of the stand-outs. Idris Elba comes in to replace Will Smith as a character called Bloodsport, who is in some ways a different character but evidently is a replacement of Smith’s. But that’s no bad thing, as with any ensemble movie you still need a main character to latch onto and have an emotional hook towards, and he is that character. In fact, I’d say he’s arguably better than Will Smith in the last movie, or at least he seems to be having more fun here. He works as a solid leading man, however what works even more is his banterous competitive genital-size-measuring back and forth with John Cena’s Peacemaker, who by the way is awesome as that character. He is not a good character, in fact he is as bad as a bad guy can get, especially cause he’s someone who believes that what he is doing is right, making him much more of a dangerous wild card. This is easily John Cena’s best role, with him adding to the comedy one-liners, but also delivering such an interesting character who I’m looking forward to seeing more of in his standalone spin-off show confirmed for next year. Oh, and he wears a toilet helmet on his head which he defines as “a beacon of freedom” which says it all. We also have returning characters from the last film Joel Kinnaman and Viola Davis as Rick Flag and Amanda Waller respectively, and both are given much more room to stretch their talents and spread their beautiful acting wings like the Hollywood angels that they are. Kinnaman’s Rick Flag is the moral compass of the group, as even though Elba is our main guy, he’s nonetheless a villain still, whilst Flag is a genuinely good guy and what is defined as a true American hero, to which Kinnaman fits the part well. And Viola Davis as Amanda Waller is on an absolutely different level. You can tell she’s an Academy Award winner through and through, as she plays such a serious character in an otherwise goofy movie, and so her presence is felt and it is felt BAD! She’s such a despicable yet intimidating personality and she gravitates all of the screen presence to herself. Margot Robbie returns as Harley Quinn, and she gets even more chance to develop this character that she’s played in multiple DCEU films now, and as per usual the Harley Quinn shtick works well for her, though I do kind of wish she didn’t always get all the attention. Look, I think she’s a fun character and Robbie plays her well, however she’s constantly used to overshadow others in these films which I don’t think is too fair, and its evident as ever in this film too. Anyway, the remainder of the cast including Jay Courtney as Captain Boomerang, David Dastmalchian as Polka-Dot Man, Michael Rooker as Savant, Nathan Fillion as TDK, Daniela Melchior as Ratcatcher 2 (who gave me strong A Plague Tale: Innocence vibes) and many more all play villains, but villains that don’t have particularly great superpowers. This is where the tragedy of Task Force X as a team plays a part, as many of these villains aren’t even good at being villains. They are useless, and the movie is really self aware of this and so treats all characters as they should be. Dare I also not forget to mention the CGI characters in this film, with both Weasel and King Shark being absolute scene stealers! 

The Suicide Squad is the type of wham-bam-thank-you-mam batshit crazy entertainment which exists for the pure reasons of fun. It doesn’t set out to be the best superhero film ever, nor does it need to be. It’s an exhilarating, shocking, funny and amusing ride from beginning to end, with the energy never stopping, and is easily the best time I’ve had with a comic-book film in a long while, and I’m even talking about before COVID! Do yourself a favour and watch this one as soon as you can, as I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - The Suicide Squad is a BLAST!!

Overall score: 9/10

[theywontletmebeprincipal]

can you give me drowsy headcanons, ramble, or anything please, i am so deprived. do not be afraid to make it super long, the more the better, i just love drowsy chaperone and love to hear other people (plus you’re one of the only people i’ve seen who knows a lot abt it)

ASK AND YE SHALL RECIEVE

I’ll divide this into a few different parts, going from least to most excruciatingly sad :)

1. general headcanons

2. in canon things i noticed and think about daily

3. a full analysis of man in chair’s connections with the drowsy chaperone as an in universe show (trigger warning for abuse ment, alcoholism ment, suicide ment)

SECTION ONE: HEADCANONS

- okay the chaperone is trans I don’t make the rules

- also her name is ambrosia :) she forsook her last name :)

- she’s about 12 years older than janet and kinda hung with janet’s family after leaving her own for a while . essentially she’s a big sister to janet

- aldolpho has some lines where he asks if the bride is big and/or burly and while in canon this is supposed to show he’s kind of a womanizer I like to believe it’s because he was fully prepared to fight her if needed

- speaking of which Of Course janet is ripped she does gymnastics

- my batshit crazy headcanon for this show is that dee dee allen from the prom is a descendant of roman bartelli no I will not elaborate

- is aldolpho one of those bitches with pets that definitely shouldn’t be legal? yessir

- post show kitty becomes a star okay I just want her to be happy

- the “pastry chefs” do discover a love of baking post show and now run a shop along with performing in feldzeig’s follies which might maybe be a front for some crime too

- TRIX DROWSY AND ALDOLPHO WORLD TRAVELING POLYCULE CAUSING PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE

- underling’s name is james I will not elaborate on this either

- show never says what trix does so I’ve decided she’s an explorer. she charts maps and punches colonialists and drags her stupid friends along with her, the only bitch in the show with a braincell

- drowsy was a former vaudeville child star pre transition - she left the business but was a mentor to janet

- I do have a headcanon for mic’s name but in the spirit of every actor who’s ever played him I won’t fucking tell

SECTION TWO: SHIT I NOTICED

- robert refers to himself by full name a lot of the time which is v interesting given he’s named after the writer, bob martin (whose wife is also named janet van de graaf). the real bob martin is like five feet away at all times playing mic

- idk how to describe it but the dynamic kitty and feldzeig (VICTOR felgzeig. we have a name from one (1) line) have when talking to each other is so snappy and funny and good

- aldolpho’s lines in spanish are mostly romantic bullshit but his first one hints that he has/had a wife who, if we’re taking the translation literally, refused to touch him. yeah I’ll bring this up in analysis

- the “pastry chefs” provide liquor for the wedding even though it has absolutely no relevance to their mission of stopping it :)

- drowsy is like. SUPER endearing towards janet and despite her bad social skills it’s super clear she cares a lot about her

- robert speaks fluent french apparently

- everyone says “ew” after aldolpho reveals his affair with drowsy despite her being a certified milf

- the body language of drowsy in the end of the show where she takes mic’s hands and breaks the barrier between reality and fiction is just so good. she was iconic the whole show but I honestly think this final bit is what won beth leavel the Tony in the end

SECTION THREE: OH NO

before diving into the way the drowsy chaperone affects his character, we need to understand what exactly it’s playing off of. to fully understand mic’s attachment to the drowsy chaperone, we need to outline what led him to isolating himself and living in fiction to the extent that he does.

mic’s father left his family at an early age and his semi estranged alcoholic mother was the one who began his love for theatre. mic grew up in a broken household and eventually moved on to land in a one sided marriage, which lasted a few months until he slipped up and expressed his discomfort with the situation, after which he and his wife split. nowadays, he lives alone in his apartment surrounded by records he uses to escape to a better life - his favorite of which being the one his mother gave him, the drowsy chaperone.

symbolism in the drowsy chaperone regarding mic’s life can be split into two main categories - mommy issues and internalized homophobia. there isn’t nearly as much mom symbolism as there is the latter, so I’ll cover that first.

drowsy covers both bases, but she definitely has some undeniable mom symbolism going on. drowsy marries aldolpho and mom dreams of being swept off her feet by a latin lover, both feel they’ve wasted their chances at love, both drink to forget, etc. this is where the idea of the drowsy chaperone being mic’s ideal way for things to work out, a positive parallel, comes into play. given that we don’t hear too much about mic’s mom other than her connections to major life events and the record itself, we can assume they grew apart in one way or another. the key difference is that drowsy finds a happy relationship for herself and retains her bond with janet, unlike what we’re led to assume mom was like.

further elaborating on the drowsy chaperone representing mic’s ideal fantasy version of events is the wedding the drowsy chaperone’s plot centers around. here’s a list of the things that didn’t stop that damn wedding:

- a minister not showing up

- the groom cheating on the bride with the bride

- the bride having a complete mental breakdown

- indirect mafia interference

- direct mafia interference

on the flip side, what little mic says about his wedding indicates it sucked absolute ass. he spent the entire ceremony in internal distress as he went through with a life changing event he, at that point, knew at least a bit that he didn’t want. I think he also implies he had severe diarrhea on the wedding day? it gets worse when you realize mic’s relationship before the wedding wasn’t any good for him either - he was playing along the whole time because it would be cruel not to, right?

throughout the show, mic is pretty clearly shown as an extremely repressed gay man. there are five specific instances that point at romantic and/or sexual attraction to men directly and another moment outside of his commentary that pretty much confirms it if you look a little bit deeper. thus, here is what I propose - to mic, the drowsy chaperone’s wedding plot represents a world where he was able to ignore that part of himself and have a happy marriage with his wife despite all the overwhelming obstacles thrown at him. however, bits and pieces of that internalized homophobia manage to show themselves throughout the drowsy chaperone anyway despite its happy ending. here’s a rundown on a few significant instances:

- by the end of the show, the “pastry chefs”, who had literally been planning to kill feldzeig, have left their life of crime to perform with him. this symbolizes how in mic’s ideal world he would have been able to turn away from what he perceived at the time as living wrongly - his homosexuality

- at the same time, the “pastry chefs” have this line, spoken in regards to janet: “if she gets married and leaves the show... there ain’t no show.” this is a take on mic’s subconscious concern that he might lose himself if he goes on with his marriage pretending everything is alright - of course, as we already know, he doesn’t listen

- “cold feets” is a pretty obvious instance of mic’s hesitation

- aldolpho’s line in spanish regarding the wife who won’t touch him flips to reflect on mic’s treatment of his own ex wife - she was alien to him as a lover, just as aldolpho was to this woman

- janet recalls her meeting robert at a point in the show and states “we spooned, briefly, then he proposed.” though mic’s relationship pre marriage was much longer than that, it must have felt that way to him - just as quick and nonsensical as janet describes

- just as janet is caught in showbiz but has a toxic love for it, so does mic with his own repressed life

- janet has a line in “show off” that alludes to her experiencing harassment/assault: “I don’t wanna be cheered no more/ praised no more/ grabbed no more/ touched no more/ loved no more” , which I believe represents the way mic perceived his intimacy with his wife - labeled as love yet unenjoyable for him

- “I look into his eyes... I get all woozy. and that’s... love, isn’t it?” is another very clear nod to mic’s misconception of love based off the only thing he’s ever experienced, relationships with women he’s had to fake

- this is the part where I tell you the lyrics to toledo surprise are a metaphor for actively suppressing gay thoughts. I’ll just leave you with “if it tries to rise; don’t let it”. these lyrics are not comprehensive enough to make a dish - trust me, I have tried. it’s also notable that they serve a double entendre as instructions on how to beat the shit out of someone, but several lyrics are also directed towards the singer/audience. for example: “it’s a snap/ try it folks/ whip your whites/ split your yolks” is an easy metaphor for the unhealthy mental gymnastics required to repress oneself so wholeheartedly

it’s also worth noting the obvious just for the sake of it - mic copes with all this by isolating himself in a safe spot where he can use musicals to escape and live his ideal fantasy, even if it’s only for a short time. there are plenty of nods to this throughout the drowsy chaperone as well. in “as we stumble along” drowsy notes that “the best that we can do is hope a bluebird/ will sing a song/ as we stumble along” - to mic, musicals are his bluebird. while mic mostly indulges in these fantasies, he knows to a certain extent the sheer amount of time he’s spending in them is unhealthy. the first line of the show is “I hate theatre” and I think that to an extent? he does. obviously mic loves theatre as a concept, that can’t be denied. what he hates is the way he’s allowed it to confine him.

with all that out of the way, let’s move on to the most important moment of the show. if you’ve ever seen the show, you’ll know exactly which scene I’m talking about immediately. I’m referring to, of course, the infamous “l-ve while you can” scene. as janet stands at the alter she asks drowsy for one final word of advice, which is partially obscured by aldolpho dropping his cane. “l-ve while you can.” it’s a simple moment, but mic reveals to us that he’s been agonizing over it for years - did drowsy say “live” or “leave”? it occurs to everyone eventually, whether a couple days after the show like with me, or years after like with bob martin’s replacement on broadway that the most likely answer is that she had said “love while you can”. it’s this moment, when you realize why mic had never seen that as an option, that the drowsy chaperone’s status as a musical within a comedy within a tragedy is solidified. mic had no love in his life - his parents hated each other and he was forcing himself into relationships in which he felt nothing. to him, living and leaving were options, but loving never was. so he locked himself away.

as the final note on the record is playing, all power in mic’s apartment shuts down and the fantasy is ruined. the superintendent arrives and further invades his space, breaking the private sanctity he had built up for so long. she fixes the power and before mic can stop it from happening, the final note of the record plays. and the super recognizes it as a musical. she makes a remark about how much her wife loves musicals and leaves, completely unaware of what she’s just done.

mic sits in silence for a while. and then he begins to sing. gradually, the cast members begin to echo their songs, dancing around him but never touching him. then drowsy appears and sings harmony to mic. and she takes his hands. the show ends with the entire cast, including mic, taking off on trix’s airplane as the curtain falls, drowsy handing mic his record as the plane takes off.

some people interpret the ending as mic committing suicide, finally deciding between live and leave. I don’t personally believe that and neither does writer and original mic bob martin, but it’s still a valid interpretation. the drowsy chaperone’s ending is ambiguous, yes, but not to that extent. no matter what you believe the ending means, it was brought on not by the interruption of the fantasy, but by whatever realization the super’s remark about her wife triggered. as I see it, there are two main options here.

option one - mic realizes he still has time to live and to love. when he was younger the prospect of living as himself was unthinkable to him, yet now he sees that while he was spending countless years alone the world grew. drowsy offers mic her hand, an invitation to finally become what he had admired in her - someone who isn’t anywhere near perfect, but is damn well trying and living life without regret. he accepts.

option two - mic realizes that while he spent years alone the world moved on without him and he’s isolated himself so much from social interaction that he’d no longer be able to make a meaningful connection with anyone outside. so he stays inside instead, never trying, always trapped between live and leave. drowsy offers mic her hand - at least he’ll have a tune to carry with him.

I really want to believe we got option one. I think option one is the intended, really, given mic ends the show with a joyful goodbye to the audience. but the way that the ending is still left open for interpretation makes it so that we can never really know - we as the audience only get to be privy to a small part of mic’s life, and we don’t get the answers we want because at the end of the day they’re irrelevant to us - all we can do is make our own choice.

[mememanufactorum]

Ace Combat 7 quotes

* Feel free to share as you please, no credit needed. Change pronouns or anything else as desired.

“Does the color of the sky mean anything special to you?”

“When I close my eyes, the sky in my dreams… is a deep, dark blue.”

“I don’t see anything good comin’ from that.”

“They taught me their skills and some dirty jokes.”

“Laugh at it all you want, kid. But technology’s always changing. If you don’t keep up with it, it’ll leave your ass behind.”

“Time to stop the bullshit.”

“Let’s go introduce ourselves.”

“This is the kinda shit that really chaps my ass!”

“Hesitating for a split second could be the difference between life and death. Stay sharp, think fast.”

“Don’t try to be a hero. I want you to make it back in one piece, y’hear?”

“No point arguing. That’s how war is these days.”

“Just worry about staying alive for now.”

“I’m buying dinner for anyone who takes down an enemy.”

“You shoot, someone gets killed. The guys in charge take care of the rest.”

“[name], time to show the other guys that we get wet, wild, and do dirty, dirty things.”

“They have to be crazy to pick a fight with us! Even a rabid dog would know better!”

“…I said what I had to say.”

“Not a girl who’d retreat. Just not in her DNA.”

“No, I should’ve never let a fledgling like her out of my reach to begin with.”

“This place is a shithole.”

“They just killed a hero!”

“…It must’ve been a mistake.”

“Of all the ways to get killed, that’s gotta be the most pathetic one ever, am I right?”

“Maybe I should give that guy a thank-you note for killing him…”

“Wooohooo! My blood’s boiling!”

“Always in the know, aren’t you?”

“Settle down. Excited to have another murderer with you?”

“If any of you die, just think of it as you atoning for your crimes.”

“I decide when you die.”

“Who’s gonna dance to your lying tune?”

“I’ll show you all how it’s done.”

“I got all dressed up for nothing.”

“Anyone up for some poker tonight?”

“Don’t let it go to your head, murderer.”

“I lost a lot of money for that, [name]. Don’t forget.”

“Yet, what is a nation? Can we actually see the physical lines that divide one from another?”

“Don’t pretend like you deserve any better!”

“You really are too good at murdering people, [name].”

“Stick with the best if you want to survive.”

“If anyone wants to die, let ‘em.”

“Keep yapping away, little guard dog!”

“You’ll pay for that.”

“Where’s your sense of humor, guys? Your buddy’s making a joke. Laugh already!”

“Wait. Who’s the dumbass that came up with this batshit plan?”

“Things don’t always go perfectly.”

“As they say in my house, there’s a thin line between bravery and stupidity.”

“Nice work for a dumbass.”

“You’re in no position to call someone a devil, [name]. Don’t make me laugh.”

“I ain’t afraid of it!”

“I want to understand the enemy.”

“My status? Well, I’m feeling a little excited.”

“[name], kindness gets you killed.”

“Only an idiot would be brave enough to pull off those moves.”

“[name] went down crying like a baby. I knew he was all bark and no bite. The coward.”

“Man, I’m not in the mood for this shit today. I’m gonna blow some stuff up to let off steam.”

“No time to smell the roses, then.”

“Enough with the holier-than-thou attitude.”

“Shut the hell up. This has nothing to do with me.”

“You sound like you know something.”

“If you think that’s all you need to survive, you might as well get your last rites now.”

“You did that on purpose, [name].”

“…It was an accident. It got out of control.”

“Adios, you damn fool.”

“It was an accident, so shut up.”

“[name], it’s a breath of fresh air having you out here.”

“Save your sermons for someone who cares, preacher.”

“You wouldn’t understand, [name]. Not until you take a good look in the mirror.”

“Sorry, but I’m gonna eat while I work. My judgment goes fuzzy when I’m too hungry.”

“How can you talk about food?”

“That girl swears more than me.”

“It’s not just the swearing either. She’s got quick fists too.”

“That ain’t funny.”

“I think tonight’s the night we finally open that bottle.”

“I could really perform if only I had some partners I could trust.”

“No need to worry, I got your back. Relax and do your thing.”

“I’m buying you a beer later!”

“You never learn, do you?”

“What are you scheming?”

“Ugh… [name], do not fubar this!”

“Knock that off. Push yourself too hard, and you’re dead.”

“Is it really over now?”

“Are we gonna eat the whole thing?”

“Yeah. We got our hands dirty for nothing.”

“But home means something different to each and every one of us.”

“That went about as expected.”

“Never was good at jokes.”

“Be quick. Gotta deliver on time, or the pizza’s free.”

“Your jokes haven’t gotten any better.”

“We’ve even brought pizza.”

“To tell you the truth… I’m not sure I wanted to know the answers anymore.”

“Cute. No, that’s real funny.”

“Y’know, I think we might stand a chance out here.”

“Man, don’t jinx us.”

“This should prove to be fun.”

“If we keep this up, someone’s not going home.”

“You’re quite the entertainer, but the show’s over with this next shot.”

“Stay strong. We’re not done here.”

“Shit! This guy’s too tough.”

“You can do it! In fact, you’re the only one who can!”

“As far as the chaos we find ourselves in these days, it’s difficult to say which side pulled the trigger first.”

“All that remained was chaos and confusion.”

“Oh, and uh, hand me that sandwich.”

“Please, watch over the future we build from the high heavens.”

“Who do we turn to in this darkest hour? We need a beacon of light to show us the way…”

“Right. I’m shooting them down. Any complaints?”

“Hey, not our fault they won’t listen to reason.”

“Whoever did is the king of all dumbasses.”

“Today… I lost everything.”

“After all those speeches I gave about working together for peace… I thought everyone felt the same as I did.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Just what did you see here?”

“Well now we know what’s going on, but… Shit.”

“Right. We leave the wounded… This’ll guarantee us a one-way ticket to hell.”

“I’ve heard that line before.”

“Damn it! In this crazy mess, I’ve got plenty to pay attention to other than your dirty ass!”

“I need you to help some people.”

“And who’s taking this to the enemy’s doorstep? Not me.”

“Wait, you moron!”

“What are you doing, dumbass?!”

“A few more crazies like her and life down there may have been a tad bit easier.”

“You never told me that!”

“That’s just a stereotype.”

“All I did was state my honest opinion and I was thrown in jail for it.”

“That’s not the way I heard it.”

“You take, if you want to live. That was how it was where I grew up.”

“I feel like we’re a group of burglars.”

“Don’t say that. This is for our survival.”

“A miss, as expected. But a lucky shot would be boring.”

“Don’t waste your life. Dedicate it to reclaiming that which you call home.”

“Furthermore, you must find someone to guide you.”

“I am not that person.”

“Don’t die. As long as we’re alive, our hopes and dreams live on.”

“Why do you feel the need to continue fighting on your own?”

“Let me test him, then, to see if he’s truly worthy.”

“If they are not enough, then I must put my soul into it.”

“There are people like you in every generation. And I’ve felled every last one of them.”

“This was all due to my ego.”

“I unleashed pure chaos upon this world just so I could keep my wings.”

“We have to learn to put that sense of nostalgia behind us and behave like mature adults.”

“This isn’t a rebellion. This is a battle for independence.”

“The time has come to show the enemy the true meaning of patriotism!”

“I, for one, did not see that coming.”

“Ha! Just what kind of magic did you work there, you asshole?”

“It wasn’t magic. It was a scam.”

“Besides, if you thought it was impossible you wouldn’t have said anything.”

“Even in death, that thing is intimidating.”

“I don’t care what country anyone’s from. What counts is knowing who the real enemy is. Right guys?”

“I think everybody here knows the score. We all know who to follow.”

“That was definitely the most intense thing I’ve ever been in.”

“I’ve got a special bottle of wine for occasions like this. What do you say we open it?”

“Hey, [name], you dumbass. Tell me something. What color’s the sky up there?”

“I never wanted to create anything and now here I am, clinging to life.”

“Is this my punishment, then?”

“Y’know what having peace in the world means? It’s being able to die in your own bed, at a ripe, old age.”

“Dark blue… To the heavens and beyond.”

“Can you hear me?”

[pynkhues]

What’s you top 5 unpopular good girls ships?

I am eternally blessed, anon, because all my ships for Good Girls are pretty popular, haha. I’m all about Beth x Rio, Ruby x Stan, Dean x Suffering, Boomer x Grievous Bodily Harm! Even my non-canon ships like Annie x Nancy or Annie x JT are pretty popular! 

So instead, I’m offering you five crack ships and I’ve written the scenarios where I think they could work, because I am a glutton for punishment, haha. One of them I actually want to write, but I’m not going to say which, because I don’t want anyone to peer pressure me into writing it, hahaha. (I have way too many WIPs!)

Below a cut to save your feeds.

1. Krystal x Lucy

Okay, SO, I accidentally wrote them into the pornstar au, and ever since the thought came to me, it’s latched on like a parasite! I love the thought of them both having someone in their corner in the way that we sort of know they don’t? Lucy really needed somebody who could fight for her and was more clued into the world than either herself or Max, and Krystal pretty clearly needs someone who’s kind to her. Plus Krystal would edge out some of Lucy’s cutesyness, while Lucy would ground Krystal, and idk! I just think they’d be cute!

Okay, scenario though – I’m thinking the Hill’s have a Christmas party. Lucy and Max have recently broken up and Beth feels bad for her, so invites her to be her plus-one (or, well, plus seventh after Rio and the kids), and the gesture’s a nice one, but Beth is instantly distracted by helping Ruby get the food out or with Jane and Marcus inevitably causing havoc, and so Lucy ends up wallflowering, watching everyone else just - - know each other, right? 

And maybe Krystal sees her and maybe she’s a few drinks in already, so it’s not like it takes much to grab another cup of spiked eggnog and tumble against the wall beside Lucy. And maybe it’s awkward at first, because Lucy’s sort of weird, but maybe Krystal kind of likes that, and maybe Lucy compliments Krystal’s ugly snowman earrings, and Krystal really does think Lucy’s reindeer sweater is cute, and maybe Lucy falls a little in love when Krystal sings bawdy Christmas songs, her arm slung over Ruby’s shoulder, and Krystal falls a little in love when Lucy is unfairly good at drunk pictionary, and maybe it feels like they’ve known each other a lot longer than a night (and maybe they want to make sure they will). 

2. Mick x Mary Pat. 

Okay, okay, okay. Hear me out. 

So it finally happens. Rio finds out who Mary Pat is, what she’s done – that she’s Beth’s rotten egg – and y’know, Rio isn’t playing around anymore. He wants to send Beth a message, and what better way to do that than to handle the third person she couldn’t after Turner and Boomer? So he sends Mick off with an order.

And so Mick watches for a few days – keeps an eye on her schedule, her routine, carving out a plan to handle her as smoothly as possible (he’s not Rio after all, he doesn’t hand guns to women he’s just kidnapped, y’know?) – and starts to get a sense of her. Sure, maybe he feels a little bad. She has a lot of kids, y’know? And always seems pretty frazzled, at the end of her rope, but sort of sweet. She goes to church, sings in a choir, makes pancakes from a box, sure, but she adds both choc chips and blueberries which is a pretty good combo, and maybe it’s hard to believe she’s swept up in all of this, but then it was hard to believe Mrs Boland and that sweet girl from Paper Porcupine had been too. 

Still, Mick knows what he’s doing, y’know? 

He’s not Rio. He’ll finish the job.

So he steals into her house late at night, moving down to her bedroom, intending to take her outside, handle her away from the kids at least, when suddenly a wild Mary Pat appears! Brandishing a huge knife. 

Mick staggers back! Alarmed, and Mary Pat thrusts it at him, knowing exactly how long he’s been watching her and what does he think she is??? NEW to this??? She worked with the FBI! Okay, not --  not worked with them, but y’know, an agent was on her case for a while, and Mary Pat is not as stupid as her Uncle Larry told her that one time, and okay, Mick thinks, staggering back into his seat, eyes fixed on the knife Mary Pat is waving around at him. 

You wanna talk this out? 

It’s the wrong thing to say, because no, she doesn’t especially, and they just sort of stare at each other for a minute, trying to figure out what happens next when Billy wakes up and trots down the hallway, and he’s had a bad dream about the bad man, and for a minute, Mick thinks he’s talking about him, but then Mary Pat says something about how Boomer won’t ever step foot in this house again, and with the way she’s holding that knife, Mick is inclined to believe her. 

And then, well, Billy asks for pancakes. 

So that’s how Mick ends up eating pancakes with Mary Pat and three of her four kids at 2 in the morning, and y’know, he’s not a total asshole. He’s going to stay and help her clean up afterwards, and maybe it’s sort of nice, now that she’s put the knife down (although it is still in reaching distance, and honestly, he respects that), now that his gun’s back in his pants. 

And well, he can’t exactly kill a woman who just made him pancakes, so he figures next time, only next time, Mary Pat’s already cooking, and then the time after that, she’s already set him a plate, and maybe the time after that, she kisses him, and maybe the time after that, he kisses her first, and at least when Rio asks, Mick can just give him a look, because it isn’t like he doesn’t have his own batshit crazy mother of four he can’t kill. 

3. Rhea x Phoebe. 

So, y’know. Phoebe’s good at her job. 

Phoebe knows how to do a stakeout, to keep tabs, to collect intel. She revels in every part of the chase, every part of the puzzle, every part of the game of it all, because she knows that what she’s doing is right, she’s cleaning up the streets! Making the world a better place! But - - okay, she’ll be the first to admit that she already finds her marks exhausting.

Not so much Hill and Marks. They’re sort of fun to keep tabs on (and lowkey, Phoebe really does maybe daydream sometimes about what it might be like to sit on the couch and watch bad reality shows with them, drinking cheap wine and creamy, herb crusted cheeses). Even Boland is kind of awesome when she’s not with him. 

Because the thing is, as soon as Boland and the Big Kahuna are together, everything just gets a little - - hm. What’s the word for it? 

(”Nothing like watching a crime lord pull pigtails,” Henry had said on one stakeout, headphones on as they’d watched from afar as Big Kahuna had swung in close to Boland, said something that made her flush red and try to stamp on his foot. “Can’t wait until they graduate to passing notes. At least then there might be something we can use.”) 

And, well. It’s not like he’s wrong.

So maybe she starts to get bored of watching the highschool antics of them (as has everyone else, she thinks, if the looks on their faces is anything to go by - including the hitman clearly trying to take one, or both of them out [and please, a little part of Phoebe thinks, watching as Big Kahuna drags a finger across the back of Boland’s knuckles, and Boland wait until he’s gone to order the most expensive liquor in the bar to Big Kahuna’s tab]). Maybe that makes her dig a little deeper. 

Maybe that’s how she finds herself watching an under-9′s soccer game in a fold-out chair beside Big Kahuna’s baby mama. (She tells her she’s researching, so it’s not technically a lie, even if the cover of starting to coach a team of her own in the fall is a thin one).

And okay, maybe they hit it off. Which is kind of cool, Phoebe thinks, because it turns out Rhea is kind of cool (how she put up with Big Kahuna is a total mystery to her), and y’know, she’s actually pretty? LIke, pretty pretty. And nice, and totally normal, and maybe they get a coffee after the game, and catch a movie on the weekend, and maybe sometimes Phoebe forgets to fish about Big Kahuna at all, but that’s an easy mistake to make, and maybe Henry gives her a Look when he hears about it, but it’s nothing, Phoebe thinks.

She’s just doing her due diligence. 

Being thorough, y’know? 

I mean, who even knows when information could come out, and Phoebe’s just laying the groundwork anyway, she thinks, watching the line of Rhea’s neck, the purse of her lips, blinking rapidly when Rhea leans across the table, the curve of her breast visible beneath the thin fabric of her shirt, and says: “I know you’re a fed.” 

And Phoebe splutters as Rhea keeps leaning forwards. 

“I’m not going to tell you anything about him.” 

And what can Phoebe say except okay, something in her chest tightening at - - at what, Phoebe has no idea. Just knows that Rhea’s so close she can feel the other woman’s breath on her cheek.  

“I just want to be clear about that,” she tells her. “If we’re going to do this.” 

And Phoebe blinks, owlish at Rhea, pulse rapid and mouth dry as she asks: “Do what?” 

And well, it turns out Phoebe likes Rhea even more when she’s kissing her.

4. Greg x Dr. Josh.

Okay, so maybe two things happen. 

Maybe it’s a party of something when Annie finally turns around and tells Greg about kissing her therapist, and honestly, Greg shouldn’t be surprised. This is what Annie does, after all, and telling her off never really gets him anywhere, so he pours them both another drink, and - - sure, maybe another. 

Then maybe a few more. 

Because it’s just like they’re in this loop, y’know? Him and her. Like she fucks up and it’s not like she expects him to clean up after her (he’s not Beth), but it’s like there’s something in Annie where she needs him to know about it, and that just really gets to him sometimes, because like, Annie’s not his responsibility just because they have a kid together. Besides, he has Nancy now, so it’s not like he needs Annie, and even thinking about Nancy sort of makes him want to go and find her, so then he’s drunkenly stumbling around this party, looking for that cape of perfect blonde hair, and okay, maybe that’s when the second thing happens.

Annie. Nancy. Closet. Necking. Maybe a shirt’s off? There’s a lot of like - - like mouths and hand stuff and Greg slams the door shut and maybe goes and lies on the grass outside for a while. 

And okay, maybe it’s not a surprise either. Maybe this is also what Annie does too, but still, he stews on it, and then stews on it some more, and so what if he interrogates Ben for this therapist’s address, because like - - hadn’t Annie been going to him for months? How could this guy make everything worse. 

And sure, maybe storming into the guy’s office, drunk on anger this time instead of beer, isn’t the best idea, but he’s just - - pissed, y’know? And maybe he yells at the guy about where he gets off, kissing patients. Making his patients kiss his wife, and okay, the guy’s pale at first, but then is sort of nice, and they sit on the beanbags and talk for a bit about Hurricane Annie, and actually, he’s finished work for the day, so maybe they should go get a beer or whatever? 

And maybe later, when Josh drops a nervous hand to his knee and awkwardly closes the distance between them, when Greg’s kissing back, he does sort of wonder if he and Annie won’t always be pulling from the same pool. 

5. Turner x Noah. 

Come on. We all saw s2. There’s no way Turner didn’t offer a, ahem, hand to help Noah get over Annie. 

[serendipitous-magic]

Question Game - AKA Oversharing Hour

I was tagged by @the-angry-pixie​! And I’m a chronic oversharer, so this was fun. I’ll put most of it under a read more line because there’s a LOT.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? 

Black. Dunno why.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? 

City city city city city city city city. I’m already going fucking batshit as it is, trapped in suburbia. I want to be able to actually do things, anything. Anything other than just being around the house and / or work. (And I felt like this before the pandemic started.) If you live in the city you can walk out your door and be somewhere else within like 5 minutes. A city park, a cafe, a train/subway, a local attraction, a museum, an artist’s booth, an outdoor market, etc. etc. 

Living in suburbia is like, well, to go literally anywhere you have to get into your car first and drive like 10 minutes minimum to get out of the neighborhood, and then if you want to go anywhere that’s not the grocery store you have to drive 20 minutes to get to another area of town, and then once you get there that’s the only place you can be without getting into your car again and getting a nice shot of anxiety from having to drive in traffic and have aggressive drivers roar up on your ass because you’re going 5mph above the speed limit and they want to be going 15mph above, and god help you if you have to merge, and oh by the way this is your only option to get around because public transit doesn’t really exist in any useful way in Big Suburbia, and nothing in within walking distance of your house except like 2 playgrounds and maybe one (1) gas station. (I hate it here lmao)

If I was trapped in the country I’d probably be chill with it for about a week, and enjoy the break, and the on day 8 I’d snap and go on a murdering spree out of stir-craziness.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? 

I want to learn German and eventually be fluent in it. But since I’ve already started trying to learn and I don’t know if that counts, I’ll say cinematography. As in the actual working of the camera and lighting and all that. I can dream up some pretty striking images but actually getting the camera to do the settings needed to capture them is another story entirely.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? 

Nope. I drink coffee and tea both, and I don’t put any kind of sweetener in either of them. I used to put a shitton of sugar in my coffee and honey in my tea, and then I had some mild eating disorder struggles in college and I never got back in the habit of putting stuff in my hot drinks after that. It just tastes wrong now, after being used to plain black coffee.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? 

Either the Harry Potter series or The Hobbit. My grandma would take care of me a lot when I was really little because my parents both worked full time to support us, and every single time I was at her house she’d sit us down at the dining room table and read something to me. Not Junie B. Jones or anything, either, but real, big, thick books. I loved the shit out of Harry Potter and The Hobbit; I would request them repeatedly. We pretty much went back and forth; we’d read Harry Potter, and then The Hobbit, and then when a new Harry Potter book came out we’d read that, and then The Hobbit again, and so on and so forth.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? 

Showers. I love baths, they’re magical, but ain’t nobody got time for that unless it’s a special occasion. I got too much shit to do to spend an hour lying in the bathtub.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? 

Vampire. Purely on the basis that if I was immortal maybe I’d finally have time to get my to-do list done and accomplish things. I’d miss the sunlight though.

8. Paper or electronic books? 

Paper. Here’s the thing, I really want to enjoy ebooks, but they just don’t hold my attention at all. Maybe I’m too conditioned by the internet to have a short attention span when I’m looking at a screen, idk.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? 

I have a dark gray hoodie from the Seattle Aquarium from when I went on a road trip across America with my BFF a few years ago. It’s still my absolute favorite thing. I also enjoy my hiking boots a lot. (I wear them all the time, really they should just be called “everyday boots” haha)

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it?

I like my name and I would also like to start going by something different. Probably just because I’m a restless soul and I feel the best (and least trapped) when I’m on the move or when things are changing. The second I get somewhere I want to be somewhere else. That’s just how I am. Gwen is a cool name (I’ve personally met maybe 3 people in my whole life with the same name, face-to-face), but there’s a lot attached to that nickname that I don’t necessarily want to carry with me when I eventually escape my hometown and start down a new path.

11. Who is a mentor to you? 

A friend and former professor whom I usually refer to online as Producer Man. He’s a producer (as you may have guessed) who kind of took me under his wing after I was in one of his film classes in college. We work together on film projects now and he’s teaching me bit-by-bit (usually by way of long, rambling, tangential stories / lectures) about the industry. He’s a really good guy. Like, he for sure has a case of Old White Guy sometimes, but his heart is absolutely in the right place. “He’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit.” He’s always leaving $10 tips at coffee places and working himself to the bone to get his students connected to jobs and internships that will help them with their careers. 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? 

Yes, my stories. Actually, “famous” is not the right word. It’s just that fame is so tightly associated with success in our society. I want to be successful. Whether I’m widely known or not is pretty inconsequential to me. I want to make stories and I want them to have an impact. Books, film, etc. It’s about as simple as that.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? 

Oh yeah. I have trouble  sleeping as much as I should because I usually kind of jerk awake in the morning with this vague feeling that I forgot something or that I’m late for something. Also I stay up later than I should because I’m a night owl, and yet I like being up early because early mornings are great. And usually if I dream at all it’s something kind of stressful, like I dream that I forgot something important or did something wrong. I’m a Stressed Bean. 

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? 

I think so, yeah. I’m pretty obsessed with the idea of romance (I mean look at my OTPs), but heteronormativity got me fucked up enough that I’m bad at actually navigating real romantic feelings or relationships because society never prepared me for The Gay.

15. Which element best represents you? 

Fire, probably.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? 

My mom. We fight a lot and there tends to be a lot of tension between us. It’s a long complicated story. It boils down to, she really hurt me when I came out as not-straight at 15 and she lost all of my trust and even though she’s working on being less homophobic we’re still kind of trying to repair that divide seven years later.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? 

Dude, I miss everyone. I’m an introvert and I’d love to be at a big party right now. I miss socialization. (As does everyone.) 

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. 

The first time I experienced deja vu, I was about eehhh 6? And I legitimately believed, for several years of my life, that I had future-predicting abilities. Like, supernatural-level future-predicting abilities. Because I didn’t really know what deja vu was, so I thought, every time it happened, that I had already ~seen~ that moment in my dreams or something. 🤣

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? 

Hm. (My immature ass brain yells “DICK.” No, brain. Those were dark heteronormative times. Also, grow up.) 

Probably some of the sushi in Seattle. I actually love sushi, it’s just that when it has full-on legs and eyeballs I start getting a little squeamish. I like the rolls and the kind where there’s some fish meat laid out on a nice little bed of rice, that’s delicious. But when they brought out the whole shrimp with legs still attached, I was like “How in the (redacted) am I going to chew / swallow that.”

20. What are you most thankful for? 

That I happened to be living with family when this pandemic hit. I was supposed to move out (and across the country, actually) as of... like 4 days ago, as it happens. That was the plan. Plane ticket was gonna be booked for 7/15/20. Obviously, things didn’t quite work out that way, because of the pandemic and a few other reasons. But I can’t imagine if I had been in an apartment living with roommates, or in an apartment on my own struggling to get by, when this happened. A lot of people couldn’t pay rent and lost their homes. I was very, very lucky to be where I was, when I was, and very lucky that I have family who let me stay in their house pretty much indefinitely while this clusterfuck of a year happens.

21. Do you like spicy food? 

Yes! I looooove spicy thai food especially. I miss the massaman curry from a local Thai place so much 😭

22. Have you ever met someone famous? 

Um. Maybe? I met Veronica Roth once at an author talk in the library where I work, although it was before I worked there. And I met some guy from New Zealand who’s famous for his sword fighting skills because my dad does sword fighting stuff. Don’t remember his name though.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? 

Yep. I have to write down everything or I forget. (I often say I have the memory of a goldfish.) Also, I have this compulsion to record and preserve my experiences in life, because I feel like our time on Earth is so fleeting and if I don’t write down what’s important to me, I’ll forget it and lose it.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? 

Pen. Pencil gets smudged.

25. What is your star sign? 

Scorpio, which is ironic because they’re supposed to be ~hyper sexual~ I guess, and I’m like gray-ace or something in that zone.

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? 

Crunchy. Who eats soggy cereal? Are you okay? Do you need help? This is an intervention. 

27. What would you want your legacy to be? 

My stories. Life and sentience, as we experience it, is made up of just that: experience. And I read somewhere that, on some level, the human brain doesn’t differentiate that much between real life experiences and fictional experiences. I think that’s true. If you read or watch or hear the right story, it can really touch you and change the way you see life, or even change the way you live life. Stories have an incredible amount of power, both in individual people’s lives and in larger society. A huge amount of power. I want to be able to give people experiences that will Enrich Their Lives (do I sound like a lifestyle coach yet? 🤦🏼‍♀️), but also stories that actively do good in society. Positive representation, body positivity/neutrality, diversity, healthy relationships (Hollywood has a real problem with that). Hope. It’s the best thing I can think to give society, and storytelling is what I love to do.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? 

I love reading. I wish I did it more. Part of my problem is that I get caught up in the hectic Rat Race of modern society and I never feel like I have time to sit down with a book for hours. Another problem of mine is that I start too many things at once, meaning I currently have like 5-10 (I lost count) books that I started reading, and I want to finish all of them, which means no progress ever gets done on any of them.

I last finished The Goldfinch, and I am currently working on The Secret History, Good Omens, Dune, a book my dad wrote, Directing Actors, Shot by Shot, The Way of Kings and I forget what else.

29. How do you show someone you love them? 

Physical affection, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts, in that order. If I’m close to someone, whether romantically or not, I want all the affection. And I’m kind of dying in quarantine. 

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? 

Depends. I usually don’t put any in, because it’s just gonna water down the drink and get in the way of drinking it (you know when the ice attacks your face?), but I don’t really mind ice in my drinks.

31. What are you afraid of? 

Helplessness. I Have Control Issues. ✌️ Also stagnation.

32. What is your favourite scent? 

Amber. Or any scent that’s kind of autumn-y. You know what I mean. Some other examples include dryer sheets, wood smoke, cigarette smoke (my big sister used to smoke a long long time ago, and although I never saw her do it, I still associate the scent with her), pine resin, rain, that Mahogany Woods scent from Bath and Bodyworks.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? 

If they introduce themselves as Pam I call them Pam. If they introduce themselves as Mr. Brown I call them Mr. Brown.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? 

 If “money is not a factor” means I have an infinite amount of money to spend as I wish, then: buy land, build film studio complex on land, found company, hire fellow creatives, make movies.

If “money is not a factor” just means that I don’t have to work 40 hours a week to afford rent, then: move to Chicago, rent a nice studio apartment, write stories, maybe work 15 hours a week at a used bookstore or coffee shop to get me out of the house and socialize. Go to museums, go to the park, walk along Lake Michigan, go to gay bars, ride the train, brave the Illinois winters, own a cat, paint, play guitar. Build my actual career on writing / storytelling. Probably also do some filmmaking.

Alternatively: buy an RV (not like an American Trailer Park shitty RV, I’m talking the NOICE ones), buy good film equipment, be a freelancer, live in RV driving around to wherever the next filming location is. Life is a road trip and I’m doing what I love. Writing, storytelling, filmmaking. My home would travel with me. Writing in cafes; roadside attractions; early mornings on the road with coffee in the cup holder as the sun comes up; being able to go anywhere to film; always experiencing something new.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? 

I’ve lived in a landlocked state my whole life, so I guess swimming pools. And, listen, I CANNOT get water in my mouth at the beach without wondering exactly how many kids have peed (or worse) in that water. (I know that’s a thing with pools too, but pools get cleaned.)

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? 

Wonder what some poor European is doing in America right now. But if it was $50, I’d probably yell “DID ANYONE DROP THIS?” and then take it if no one speaks up.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? 

A few times, yeah.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? 

Grades are not the end-all-be-all. Skip some homework assignments to spend time with friends. Skip class sometimes. I’m serious. If you make school your top priority, even over your own personal life, you will come away with good grades and a lot of regret and missed opportunities. Learning is HELLA important, and very very little of it happens inside a school building. Get a 15 hour weekend or after-school job in high school, befriend your coworkers, and have fun with it. Use your paychecks however you want. Join a school club - one that you’re actually interested in. Do stupid shit. Light your textbooks on fire after graduation or go to the 24 hour Wendy’s at 2am with your friends or kiss that person you met at summer camp or sleep on the porch because it’s too hot to sleep inside. Be smart and safe, but follow your whims. If you let yourself fall into routine, apathy will poison you.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? 

I already have a couple small ones, but the one I want next is a four-leaf clover. Don’t know where. Maybe my right inner wrist or maybe an ankle. Or like behind my ear. Luck has saved me so many times. (See above, with how I happened to be living with family when COVID hit.)

40. What can you hear now? 

Swamp cooler downstairs, the clock ticking in my office, cars outside, people moving around the house. I’m surprised the neighbor kids aren’t shrieking their absolute heads off as per the usual. 

41. Where do you feel the safest? 

When I’m alone and unobserved. 

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? 

TMI warning, but I absolutely despise public bathrooms. How am I expected to pee when there’s somebody sitting like three (3) feet away, with only a partial wall between us, hearing everything that’s going on? My fight or flight response simply will not allow it. It’s too awkward and therefore Not Safe. Either that public restroom has to be empty except for me, or it has to be so loud and bustling that ain’t nobody hearing anything. Anything in-between and I’m in hell.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? 

The ‘80s. Let’s be honest, even that far back makes my life (as a woman, and as a gay person) hella difficult. But, consider this: it’s the ‘80s. Furthermore, consider this: a part-time job might have actually supported me and paid rent back then 😱 Holy fucking shit. Sign me up. I just wouldn’t want to go any further than than like 1980, because again: lesbian. Being a woman in the past = even harder than it is today, being gay in the past = even harder than it is today, being a gay woman in the past = oh no.

44. What is your most used emoji? 

In order of descending frequency:

😂🙄😊😁🤦🏼‍♀️👀😬🌈🤷🏼‍♀️😙

45. Describe yourself using one word. 

Creative

46. What do you regret the most?

Wasting my entire teenage experience. (See #38.) I did quite literally nothing with my life except homework for like 18 years. If I had taken even a tenth as much time for myself as I did for school, I would be so much farther along as a person today.

47. Last movie you saw? 

In the theaters? ........ uh. Shit, I don’t actually remember. It’s been like 5 months. (As it has for everyone.) But the last movie I watched was Lights Out, because I’ve been watching the director’s youtube channel. You could tell it was low-budget and that the director was still kind of finding his stride, but it had a lot of heart behind it and the creators clearly gave a fuck, which made it enjoyable. I am firmly in the camp of “not everything has to be a Magnum Opus or have a multi-billion dollar budget to be a good movie.” If I engaged with it and got some sort of emotional experience out of it, and if it had a good message, I consider it a good movie.

48. Last tv show you watched? 

I don’t usually watch a whole lot of TV shows (who has the time?) but I think the last thing I watched was either The Witcher or that new Unsolved Mysteries miniseries on Netflix. Oh and I was watching Dead to Me because I just love Linda Cardellini’s face and I want to wrap Judy up in a blanket and cuddle the shit out of her and protect her from all things 🥺 My precious beautiful unstable sweet murder baby.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. 

Apapanic. It’s where you’re so stressed about things that half of your brain is panicking but the other half is so overwhelmed that it circled all the way back around to being calm to the point of apathy, so you just kind of sit there like

[foxgirlintestines]

I’m tired because i’ve been playing too much Pokemon here is a half asleep rant:

You know, I’ve been kind of no-lifing Sword recently and have noticed something. The game is good, the characters are interesting, the new pokemon have some good thought behind them and the addition of a mmo-lite aspect in the wilds is a step towards something pokemon fans have dreamed of for a long time. All that aside, the game feels rushed. We all know that gamefreak employees are being worked to the bone, we know producing these giant games on such a short span will have this effect. What I am saying is, there was a lot of good ideas put into these games and unfortunately there was not enough time to flesh it out. I honestly don’t mind the minor refresh on the pokedex. If you ever played either of the Colloseum games for the Game Cube you might have recognized that having a limited pool of pokemon makes for some more interesting runthroughs, and there are still two and a half times the amount of pokemon as there were in the first game. I think some of the inclusions were wierd to say the least though. A lot of gen 5 pokemon that were often ridiculed as well as many very forgetable pokemon. I might say its fair to argue about the choices they made of what to keep, but I don’t think sliming the pokedex is such a big crime. Sure, I am disapointed some of my favorites were not in the game, but I still found plenty of pokemon I like and still had a hard time figuring out which ones I wanted to put on my team. The story is where it really felt that they just were crunched and had to cut back. The story was not that good, and the game felt really short in comparison to the normal experience. You would hop from one gym to another with almost nothing inbetween as if there was something planned to be in these spaces and then they just couldn’t put it in the final product. Many things happen off camera, especially towards the end of the game. I think there was supposed to be some more plot there and it once again was cut and so they just put the filler of “Leon did something, don’t worry about it.” Many of the characters feel like their personality was starting to conflict at points as if there were arcs where they develop but they were just simply skipped. The motivation of the antagonists is not really fleshed out that well and so I couldn’t really relate or disagree with them, I was just confused. The post-game little substory felt like it was tacked on and it probably was meant to be something more ambitios as a way to revisit the region, but it just ended up being very reppetitive and obnoxious quest line to trudge through to claim your cover legendary. There were of course a few little hiccups in the coding as well, but overall its minor. Who cares if the animations of the others stop when you are climbing stairs or the view distance on a Pokemon game of all things? The only time I ever felt the sound was an issue was at the end of the main story when the cover legendaries kept being loud over and over again. Lets talk some of the good things though. They made a ton of QoL improvements to the game. The portable pc might feel a little strange but it made things easier in a good way. There isn’t really a difficulty attached to pc access, just inconvienience. The removal of HMs was continued which means more pokemon to have fun with instead of dragging around HM slaves. The daycare is now the nursery which does not level up your pokemon, just breeds and also allows you to teach egg moves to the pokemon in them so you don’t have to entirely remake a pokemon to get a move you want. They added a ton of stuff to help level up and train pokemon. Mints to change natures so you can enjoy your pokemon instead of being disppointed that one of the little stat modifiers was off. The EV overhaul is a lot bigger than you think. Not only are the vitamins able to be used to max, but the cap on each stat has been changed from 255 to 252, and though that seems like a random bunch of numbers it means you can’t overcap on a stat and waste some of your evs because evs only increase stats by multiples of 4. Legendaries have 3 guaranteed perfect ivs, Max Raid rewards are pokemon with 3-5 guaranteed perfect ivs, and ditto is one of them to help with breeding. It takes a lot of the drudging through breeding chains if you want to max out a pokemon’s potential, and it means you do not need to soft reset as much anymore. These things don’t matter too much to the normal player, but for competitive players (or people who are batshit ocd like me and are frustrated to no end when the numbers are not perfect) its a huge help. Many aspects of the game feel cleaner. The only thing I really did not enjoy was the constant Exp share, but at the same time it helped me to level up and evolve pokemon to fill th epokedex without using them. I’m not sure thats a good or bad thing as it removes the need to experiment and play with more pokemon but it does help to just fill up your dex. So, basically, it felt like this was a really grand project full of great ideas and they just ran out of steam. If this game wasn’t pushed to be released in 2019 this may have been possibly one of the best pokemon gamee they’ve ever made and one of the things to remember from 2020. It wasn’t though, which is why you should blame Nintendo’s higher ups for robbing us of the best version of the game that could have been made, not the devs at Game Freak who are probably just as disappointed that they couldn’t make the game how they wanted it and instead have their creativity stifled by deadlines and holiday marketing schemes.

[jawnjendes]

shawn meets... | isabella(2)

SUMMARY: in the life of a rockstar, shawn mendes comes across some unique people. sometimes, things stray from the norm. (AU, shawn x every one of my oc’s)(continuation/spin off of goth gf)

AN: :) things happen and then you lose inspo :) and other times you have a chapter prepared for weeks n forget to post it :)

***let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist

previous chapter

isabella’s origin story not available | isabella’s playlist | masterlist

In the end, they had it coming. Two stubborn hearts couldn’t figure this out. Fire and earth just didn’t mix in the long run.

“Come with me,” Shawn said, but he couldn’t hear himself, the fear of the worst settling in.

But… would this be the worst? Things were now happening that were big. Bigger than Shawn, bigger than his relationship with Ann. It was painful, having to come to that realization, but it was true. True, but not easy in the slightest.

Ann had a serious look in her eyes. She was always serious, but this was different. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Shawn was quickly frustrated. He wouldn’t go down without a fight.

“Because I can’t just follow you around,” she replied, folding her arms, looking around Shawn’s half empty apartment. “Maybe if I didn’t have so much stuff to do out here. I still have to finish school. I still have a job.”

There were cracks forming in Shawn’s heart. He knew this was coming, he knew she wasn’t the type to just be in his shadow, which would be inevitable of she followed him on this insane journey. His attempts were feeble. “What about online classes? I, I have money coming in, I can pay for them. We can find you a job in the crew somewhere.”

Ann sighed heavily and got up from the couch. “It’s not that. Well… that’s part of it. Look, it’s one thing for your life to be out in public for everyone to see. You’re the star, you’re the one everyone cares about. But there are people who will get invested in your friends’ lives, and your family’s too. And mine. And that’s not what I signed up for. Can you understand that?”

It was silent as Shawn took in her words. He paced around the living room, stopping and facing the corner where Henry’s cat condo used to be. A sacrifice he had to make, he had to take the cat back to the shelter because no one he knew could take her in. And, like Ann said, Shawn had to give up his privacy too. He had to drop out of school, which wasn’t so bad, and he quit the flower shop, which was difficult to do without feeling emotional about it. But this… this may be the hardest sacrifice to make, because he was fighting hard against it, trying to find any way around it.

“Why can’t you do this for me?” he asked, turning back to her. “I’ve done a lot for you, Annalise. I’ve done everything I can to make you happy, and you won’t do this one thing for me.”

“Because it’s a lot to ask,” she said, sounding hurt. “And I asked you to support me when I was in a depressive episode. I didn’t ask you to give up practically your whole life! I worked hard to get here, I can’t just give it up!”

Shawn wanted to snap at her. Yell, get angry. But a cold sting went through his heart. He stepped closer to her, his voice soft. “Then ask me to stay.”

Ann sighed, reaching up to cup his face. “If I didn’t love you so much, I would.”

“I’m sorry people won’t mind their business. But that comes with the job.”

“That doesn’t make it okay. People are stalking your sister too. Doesn’t that freak you out?”

“Of course it does. But my parents are monitoring her social media. She doesn’t like it, but it’s a sacrifice.” Shawn held her wrist and kissed the palm of her hand. “I really want to do this. I never thought this opportunity would come, but I don’t wanna lose you in the process.”

Wordlessly, Ann shifted her hand so their fingers were intertwined and down at their sides. “I’m not stopping you. That’s what I’m doing for you. Besides, you’d drop me in an instant if it meant you got to do this a million times.”

Shawn had tears in his eyes because she was right. He leaned in and gently kissed her lips, lingering for a moment. When he pulled back, he sniffed. “I’m not dropping you. You’re choosing to sit this out.”

Ann thought for a moment, looking down. Her voice wavered as she spoke. “I guess I am…”

“Ann… Annalise, please…”

There was a clattering sound followed by a string of swear words. Shawn’s eyelids were heavy and puffy as he woke up. After blinking away some of the grogginess, he realized he was lying on a couch too small for his height. He was in an apartment he didn’t recognize. He sat up slowly, minding the headache and stomachache.

It was too dark apart from the sunlight poking out of the corners of the dark curtains on the windows. Shawn could barely make out a long table with many trinkets against the wall. There was a stupidly large fireplace as well.

Then, someone popped up from behind the couch. “Hey! Remember me?”

Shawn masked the surprise and rapid heartbeat. “Uh, Bella…”

“Isabella,” she corrected, hopping over the backrest to sit next to him. She was incredibly energetic and bubbly. “Alright?”

Honestly, he felt that gaping hole in his chest once again. He thought he did well at letting it heal during that first year being single, but that dream was so vivid. It wasn’t even a dream, it’s what happened all those years ago.

“Hungover,” he answered, reaching for the water on the coffee table. That helped the dryness in his throat, but did nothing for the body aches.

“Yeah, we went to another club after eating,” Isabella explained, sounding way too positive. “And we lost your bodyguard as well. But I called him on your phone, your people should be here soon!”

“Well, thank you. Thanks for not ditching me. I don’t remember anything after the burger joint.”

“Of course, we’re friends now, stranger!”

He grinned. “It’s Shawn.”

Isabella chuckled. “I know. I just like calling your stranger.”

“So you knew the whole time, eh?”

She smacked his arm. “You keep doing that, I might think Canada actually exists!”

“I’ll take you there one day. Then you’ll see.”

The two of them laughed, but Isabella quickly broke the mood.

“Who’s Ann?”

Shawn’s smile fell. “Where-”

“You talk in your sleep. Kept saying her name. Just wondering, is all.”

He really thought he outgrew that little inconvenience. Life on the tour bus at the beginning was stressful for everyone who slept on it. With a sigh, he answered Isabella’s question. “She’s an ex from my college life. It’s… I haven’t thought about her in a long time.” Lie. “Don’t know why I dreamt about her.”

Isabella tilted her head. “Then why do you look so sad?”

Shawn snapped. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" she asked, mimicking his exasperated tone.

"That! You just… call out every one of my emotions on the nose! Is it that obvious or something?"

She blinked. "I just call it as I see it. I guess it's from life experience. I'm much older than I look."

Shawn scoffed. "I'm two years older than you. Maybe more, if you're actually lying about being twenty four."

Isabella chewed the inside of her lip. "Well… I'm not twenty four."

Horror fell over Shawn's face. "What are you, sixteen?"

"No!"

"Seventeen? You can't be older than eighteen!"

Isabella made a sound that indicated her annoyance. "Fuck no! I hated being eighteen and I hate being in this eighteen year old body!"

If Shawn hadn't met the people he did earlier this year he would have been very confused. Well, he still was, but his next question wasn't too far off. "You're not six hundred years old or something, are you?"

"I'm forty five!" Isabella raised her voice as she got to her feet. She paced back and forth. "I'm forty fucking five years old and I'm stuck in my eighteen year old body! That's the age my body dramatically slowed down!"

This wasn't exactly impossible to believe, given that all that shit is actually real. But Shawn was still confused, ruling out every mythical creature he knew of in his head.

"What are you?" he asked.

Her brow furrowed, like she wasn't expecting such a calm question. She stopped her pacing and looked him in the eyes.

"Part witch, part vampire." She sighed. "I was attacked when I was fourteen. I should technically be immortal, a full vampire. Should have lost my magical abilities. I still don't know what happened in the process, but I age very slowly. I'll look forty when I'm eighty."

Shawn nodded and listened, putting all the pieces together. "So, that wand. The nerd club. Your eyes…"

"You're not hallucinating."

"And you said you know Harry Potter? You weren't in the books or movies."

She smiled. "You reminded me, I still have a bone to pick with someone."

Out of all the surprises Shawn received this last year, this was probably the most pleasant. Still bewildering, still batshit crazy. But to think something he actually grew up on and loved as a kid was real...

"Can you prove you're a witch?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Kinda already did," she replied, turning sheepish. "I Imperiused and Confunded your bodyguard last night so we could keep talking."

"I - alright…" All of this shouldn't have clicked as well as it did. No wonder Jake was so passive.

Isabella pulled her wand from her boot and looked down at it. "I have the power to detect emotions. That's why I know it's guilt and loss in your heart. I've been able to cross my vampire abilities with my magical ones. Watch…"

She took Shawn's hand and shut her eyes. He watched her face and her wand, only to feel a tingling sensation where their skin touched. Then, Isabella traced the tip of her wand along the surface of the coffee table, and a flower appeared out of thin air. Shawn couldn't make it up, it was right there.

Isabella let go of his hand with a small gasp and then wiped at the corner of her eye. "Wow…"

Shawn had many questions, looking back and forth between her and the flower. His mouth was open, but nothing coherent was able to come out. He just witnessed actual magic.

"You've either experienced a lot of loss in your life, or a recent loss," Isabella said, her voice suddenly soft. "God, you're so sad."

"You, you felt it?" was all Shawn could muster at a moment like this.

She nodded. "Like it was my own. So, which is it? A lot or recent? Was it Ann?"

The excitement in his face fell as the sad feelings rushed forward. "No. My best friend, Brian. He died this past February." He cleared his throat as he felt the immediate burning sensation. "Uh, so what's with the flower?"

"You tell me," she said after a moment of silence. "The few people I've done this with always gets something different. Something important to them, or something that's been deeply ingrained. A symbol of sorts."

"Well…" Shawn gazed down at the flower, observing the round shape the petals created and the deep maroon color. "Flowers can mean lots of things. Can symbolize things we can't put into words. That's a chrysanthemum."

Isabella perked up. "Oh! I know a thing! Chrysanthemums represent… oh."

"Oh?" Shawn repeated. "Go on."

"Grief and lamentation."

He paused. "Wait, but I'm not like that all the time. Flowers, yeah, they're important to me for a lot of reasons, but grieving? I wasn't always like that."

"Well… Brian was your best friend, right? He was a very recent loss, so everything you are has been altered, and I imagine you're still figuring out how to deal with it all. So maybe it won't always be a chrysanthemum."

Only someone who's lived a lot of life could come up with something like that.

"Can I ask how he died?" Isabella's bold, assertive voice was gentler than ever.

Shawn nearly spilled the made up version. Brian went into Sapphire's mansion and fell down two flights of stairs and through a glass table that ended up snapping his neck, killing him instantly. He never met anyone he could actually confide the real truth to.

"You know Sapphire's assistant?" Shawn began, ready to tell the long tale in great detail, explain the things he saw, and the things the girls turned out to be.

But Isabella gasped, already catching on. "She was in a frenzy, wasn't she?"

Shawn nodded, surprised. "She tried going after me too sometime after the funeral. Threw my rosary in her face to fend her off."

"Dude… No wonder you're so sad. It's so much more than loss. It was murder."

"Yeah." And it was his fault. The roles should have been reversed. “She didn’t even seem sorry about it, about killing Brian.”

Isabella sighed. “Kat carries a lot on her shoulders. Six hundred years worth of baggage. But she won’t be sorry about how she sustains herself.”

“And Sapphire too!” Shawn continued. “I know now she’s hosting a demon part time, but she doesn’t need a demon to be such a…”

“Yeah… she does that. Making empty promises, making you feel special, only to drop you the moment things get tough. Besides, she’s as loyal to Kat as Kat is to her.”

“Sapphire really is kind of a brat. I made excuses for her, but now… The hell was I thinking?”

The other girl chuckled. “She was like that even in school.”

Shawn thought for a moment. “Didn’t you go to Hogwarts?”

“Yeah. Then I went to a different school. It’s literally a whole other story.”

He nodded, and it went silent again. He looked down at the coffee table, his thoughts consuming him once again.

Isabella watched his face for a moment. “So where does guilt come into all of this?”

He was hoping she wouldn’t ask, but it spilled out of Shawn like vomit. “Brian and I fought. The last conversation I had with him was an argument. I said he was being a dick and told him to fuck off. He went to Sapphire’s house to apologize to me, but Kat got to him first.” He paused, clearing his throat. “He died because he was trying to find me. He died because I wanted to keep a girl to myself. If I had just let him have her, he’d still be here.”

“Hey, no. It’s not your fault that a six hundred year old vampire hasn’t learned to control her thirst,” Isabella said. "There’s nothing you could have done either. Fragile human against the living dead, it’s not contest. Besides, once the bite is there, there’s no going back. You either die or you become one of us.”

Shawn groaned. “Don’t say that.”

“Look, I know how you feel. I've lost my own friends time and time again. Never really stops, the pain. You'll never not turn your head, expecting to see them at your side. But it hurts a little less as time goes on."

He nodded, wiping at the corner of his eye. "Doesn't really feel that way."

She clasped him on the back. "I know. It's been almost thirty years since mine have gone. Hurts, but I can live with it now. Just a bit of time will put you… almost right."

Shawn just wants to be put back together. Or go back to when Brian was alive. When they were in college, and everything was okay. When vampires and demons and witches were just stories and Halloween decorations. Ignorance is bliss.

next chapter

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @someoneunimportantxx @shawnsunflower @chillingbythesea @iloveshawnieboi @theprivatesmutacc @peruvian-bae

[asherlockstudy]

Are Jaime and Jon linked by destiny?

Slowly reaching the end of AGoT, Jon Snow’s chapters, which began quite bland, start intriguing me more and more. I don’t want to expand on it in this post but it is after the middle of the book and well past half his chapters when it starts getting implied that Jon might be a very important character. 

So far, all those themes of fate, history repeating itself, gods and prophecies are prevalent throughout the story. So much that I don’t believe the popular assumption that GRRM’s point is that we shouldn’t rely on prophecies one bit. In the books, prophecies and symbolism will matter because they are basically the core of the story. Anyway, I don’t want to digress. In short, prophetic dreams, cryptic signs and gods all are much more important in the first book alone than in the entire show.

Although I am not sure what we can conclude after the ending of the TV show, the most popular and ongoing for the most years theory is that Jon is the Chosen One, the Prince that was Promised, Azor Ahai. Until half his chapters in AGoT, I could not see any indication towards that direction. It’s the last three chapters that start making me stir uncomfortably because, as I’ve stated many times, I do not wish for Jon to be Azor Ahai. 

The first of these chapters describes Jon’s initiation in the Night’s Watch and the rite of him and Sam taking the Oath before the Old Gods’ trees. 

“They are watching us”, he [Sam] whispered. “The Old Gods.” “Yes.” Jon knelt, and Sam knelt beside him. (...) “I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. (...) I am the fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn.  - Jon VI, AGoT

Jon and Sam both think the trees are disconcerting and the Gods’ faces that are carved on their trunks look as if they are watching them. The Nightswatch oath states they will never wear crowns and they will live all their life in that same post. The Old Gods listen to them or so it seems. What is this then? Do they bind Jon to his oath and we get an ending very similar to that of the show for him? And yet, the next sentence is very interesting as well. The fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn. Here’s the first strong Jon is Azor Ahai evidence that I noticed. Bonus for the Targaryen hint. 

There is a lot that should be unpacked and reexamined in this chapter after the completion of the books, should we ever be blessed to see that day... and we’re not done here. Here’s what happens in the very next sentences. 

And suddenly Ghost was back, stalking softly between two weirwoods. White fur and red eyes, Jon realized, disquieted. Like the trees . . . - Jon VI, AGoT

Here we have a strong implication that Ghost is now sent to him as a messenger from the Old Gods. 

The wolf had something in his jaws. (...) “Gods be good,” Dywen muttered. “That’s a hand.” - Jon VI, AGoT

A right hand, to be precise. 

Direwolves, which I admit I didn’t care for a lot before I started reading the book, seem to be linked to their masters and usually foreshadow their fate. Thus, I am not sure how I should interpret this moment. Surely, the basic meaning is that the Old Gods sent Ghost to fetch the hand and consequently make the Nightwatch realize the existence of the wights. But what can we hypothesize on a subtextual level - is Ghost foreshadowing that the Old Gods will give Jon a “hand” or is Ghost a symbolism of Jon himself, who will be the one to bring / have a “hand”? Whatever, the conclusion is similar but we also saw that Jon took an oath before the watching Gods that he will know neither crowns nor glory.  If all this seems too stretched or unfounded, hang on a little bit more. 

So, two Jon chapters later and Jon has saved Lord Mormont’s life from the wight. Lord Mormont gives him a gift as thanks and what a gift it is! Longclaw, the Mormont sword (that Jorah was supposed to have but was disgraced). Made from Valyrian steel and quite agreeable to Jon’s, alas, left hand. 

Yes, left. Because he’s wounded after the fight and his right hand is...burning. 

Awkwardly, Jon took the sword in hand. His left hand; his bandaged right was still too raw and clumsy. (...) The edges glimmered faintly as they kissed the light. -  Jon VIII, AGoT

The word “left” is italicized by Martin. These two sentences alone give us all the Azor Ahai and Lightbringer signs that we need, right? However...

I have no right to this, he thought, no more than to Ice. He twitched his burned fingers, feeling a throb of pain deep under the skin. “My lord, you honor me, but—” (...)

He is not my father. The thought leapt unbidden to Jon’s mind. Lord Eddard Stark is my father. I will not forget him, no matter how many swords they give me. Yet he could scarcely tell Lord Mormont that it was another man’s sword he dreamt of . . . -  Jon VIII, AGoT

While I am sure Jon will soon bond with Longclaw, I think the first impression matters here. Longclaw is a fine sword no doubt but Jon dreams of Ice. Where will this sword of dreams end up? Well, to Jaime’s left hand. And Brienne’s hand. However, the foreshadowing here can only work for Jaime because we have a Jon with a burnt right hand that can’t wield the sword properly yet. If you think about it, there is not a serious reason plot-wise for Jon to have a burnt useless hand because the hand eventually healed without any serious consequences. This is simultaneously a red herring and  a foreshadowing and, basically, this means GRRM used bloody Jon Snow as a tool to foreshadow onehanded Jaime Lannister taking initially Oathkeeper. This hasn’t happened yet in the books but I assume Jaime will eventually take Window’s Wail too, even D&D emphasized on the significance of the twin swords. (Even though they never explained the importance.) Interestingly enough, Jon’s discomfort for Longclaw might also be a parallel to Jaime’s decision to pass the sword to Brienne as he thought it was wasted on him.

If only that was all there is to it. Because in the next few sentences the foreshadowing goes batshit crazy and hilarious. If you haven’t read the book, brace yourself: 

“And you’ll need to work at your two-handed strikes as well. Ser Endrew can show you some moves, when your burns have healed.” “Ser Endrew?” Jon did not know the name. “Ser Endrew Tarth, a good man. He’s on his way from the Shadow Tower to assume the duties of master-at-arms.” - Jon VIII, AGoT

I’m laughing. There you go folks. Jon Aegon Targaryen Snow, a foreshadowing tool for Jaime and Brienne’s relationship. It’s not amongst George’s subtlest efforts. 

Gather all the clues here: 

Gods watch Jon Snow. 

He vows to be the light that will bring dawn (aka the sun, see my “Jaime is symbolized by the sun” post)

Ghost, as symbol of either the Old Gods or Jon himself, brings them a right hand. 

Jon is given a very important sword which glimmers with light but he envies the sword that became Jaime and Brienne’s.

As he accepts it, he can’t use his right hand because it is burning. In his case, this soon will be over and he’ll use his right hand without some deep meaning behind it. So, this is important only in this particular paragraph.

In order to help him learn use both his hands, Mormont will send him to a Knight of Tarth, a good man!!!

 So Jaime...ehm... JON can’t use the sword YET with his right hand and someone from Tarth must show him the way (and then he’ll start fighting the White Walkers and learn his real identity)

In other words, proof #68764912749147 Jaime meeting Brienne is the beginning of the prophecy’s fulfillment. Brienne is going to be the major factor ( I am afraid that means “Nissa Nissa” ) that will make Jaime Azor Ahai. 

Why would GRRM get into such great trouble to create such heavy foreshadowing if it doesn’t mean Ice and Oathkeeper and Window’s Wail are as important for the story as the knights wielding them are as well? 

Jon is a red herring for Jaime and he might help prepare the latter’s way. Not like in the stupid show where they barely exchange a look. Actually, this might fit with my old theory that Jon is meant to prepare the way, unknowingly, for Azor Ahai and he’s not Azor Ahai himself.  

[jackrackhams]

twdg take us back thoughts (forgive me if any of this is out of order, i’m doing this from memory)

-the game took 10 minutes to download and those were a wild ten minutes i’ll tell you that -right off the bat i was worried clem was gonna get bit -i tried to shoot lilly at first, then i saw it didn’t work and wished her well. that’s just my s1 lilly fan’s final breaths of air right there -LOUIS SAVED MY LIFE THANK YOU I’M SORRY ABOUT YOUR TONGUE -god louis’s little smile though oOF -VI I LOVE YOU -THE OTHER KIDS ARE ALIVE -vIOLET INITIATED KISS!!!! (adding a read more bc this got LONG)

-uhhhh i’m pretty sure i’m not the only one who was left with some post-ep3 lilly vibes with minnie. like fuck u for expecting some kinda redemption arc with any character we are going to make them go Batshit the next episode -like i really thought we’d be able to help her or something when she was fighting off those walkers. i mean i get she was totally brainwashed but c’mon man. she’s a kid. but fuk that ig -walker james man. i sorta justified not going back and killing lilly last ep by saying this was what james would’ve wanted (also it’s my playthrough i do what i want), and now that i know what happens if you do save him uhhhhhhh.... i’m glad i made the choices i did tbh! it’s what james would’ve wanted. -i spent so long in that cave looking for “something to light on fire” -i decided to trust aj. i figured a) that could possibly save my life (it didn’t lol), b) it would make him feel good about himself, and c) i’ve taught him pretty well up to now so i trust him. -MEETING UP WITH VIOLET AND OUR LITTLE FAMILY HUG WOW CAN I JUST SAY THAT SHIT’S THE GOOD SHIT -i low key wish i’d named the school castle violet, but i figured it was more important to give her the choice. texas two squad, gang gang -fighting minnie on the bridge i was thinking ‘ok minnie’s gonna get a lot of shit for this lol’ -speaking of Bridge Scene, that shit was INTENSE if nothing else -like SHIT -when minnie cut me, i thought ‘oh fuuck, something’s gonna bite that’ -i also thought ‘hey clem’s gonna have a big leg scar to match her big arm scar’ but i was wrong about that lmao -i’ve never been more stressed that someone was gonna bite me than in this ep lmao -i also thought the scene from the trailer where you try to grab aj’s hand was gonna be here on the bridge, not on the rocks -oof when tenn died i was upset, but i feel more secure in that than if it were violet who died. only because that was tenn’s choice, and tenn was another person, like james, who had seemed to make peace with the walkers in a way. plus he died with his sister, which seemed to be what they both wanted at the time. that’s not so say that i wish i could’ve saved him without killing vi (or louis), but i do feel satisfied with what i got here (rip tennessee, you were a cool kid) -and then vi jumps over a fence ok bye violet -climbing up the rocks, i knew this was when it was gonna happen. but still. i cried lol -when i uncovered the bite, i was reminded of the s2 game mechanics. oof -as soon as she was bitten i said ‘you have an axe! cut it off now! do it!’ and when they didn’t i died -the next bit was reminiscent of lee making his way to the marsh house in s1 -actually, clem’s limp reminded me of a new day when lee got into that car crash lol -and when clem and aj were closing the doors to the barn and clem said to get something to block the door, i was expecting her to continue and say something like ‘something strong and sturdy’ like lee said when they were blocking off the pharmacy in s1 bc that scene gave me strong pharmacy vibes -and then strong jewelry shop vibes bc why tf not -playing as aj. that was rough. he’s FAST tho oml -that was when i went ‘ok so clem is dying for real’ and cried a lil bit more cuz you know me -switching between clem and aj. DUDE that got me so emotional -also aj using clem’s trick (that used to be jane’s trick). GO KIDDO -seeing clem looking more and more dead fuckt me up (like how did she get from that to the end of the ep i don’t get it. like even if it was because she waited shorter to cut it off or because it was her leg rather than her arm or what. it doesn’t matter because by the time lee looked like THAT his arm was (determinantly) long gone. but hey, not gonna analyze it too much lol i’m just glad my girl clem’s alive) -okay when clem was talking to aj that also got me crying -and when i told aj to leave clem, i was thinking ‘okay, maybe she’ll link up with james. or tenn, but like hopefully not minnie at this point. and lEE maybe she’ll find lee. or luke. or her parents-’ -and then he picks up that ax and i was like ‘woa ok did you just kill her??’ -and then the flashback. lemme be real and say i thought that was the afterlife or something, and that those floaty specks were Afterlife Dust -but then i remembered ‘oh right the ranch’ -lemme just say i didn’t think the ranch was gonna look like that lol -not 100 percent on what was going on at the ranch tbh -like who were those people and why did we kill all of them? one would assume that clem would first try to get aj back peacefully -oh wait they were at war right -also i really liked the design of like all of those people -and the LAVA GUY HOLY SHIT -obviously i mercy killed him -also wait, was clem with the people they were fighting? i couldn’t tell -ALSO also, was. was that eddie? from 400 days? checking the wiki real quick -yea i think that was him. rip eddie you didn’t deserve That. i mean i was happy he was back nd then we were just forced to kill him oof sorry man -felt bad about killing that woman also, but hey, she had aj in a tiny locker, so i didn’t feel super bad about it after finding him -also lemme just say -little kid aj?? -SUPER CUTE OML -he’s like the perfect mix of anf aj’s face and tfs aj’s face. kudos to whoever designed little aj -also when clem was talking with him in the car. i felt like it was sort of unrealistic little kid talk, but not so much that it distracted from anything going on -never go alone god rule number one had me crying -and then we’re aj fishing! -i didn’t catch any fish as aj lol -also i LOVE how they changed the dialogue options for aj to be a lot more childlike if that makes sense? like fuck yeah that was a really nice call -ROSIE IM SO GLAD YOU’RE OK -i didn’t scratch out the v+m heart because it’s history, and it’s not mine to scratch out. same reason i didn’t make clem spit on marlon’s grave -CLEM’S HAT GET IT -GET IT GET IT -OH GOOD GIRL ROSIE YOU’RE A GOD -oh a walker -oH THAT’S A TENN WALKER SHIT -well i’m not gonna kill him Again -also i don’t want the other kids to have to see him -i was so glad when i got the option to throw the rock -he learned from james what a good boy -RUBY HI -god ruby’s the best lmao -my thoughts when they’re talking about the hat ‘...aj hasn’t put it on... they haven’t talked about clem in the past tense.... is she.... possibly.... not dead?’ -lmao and when the next scene started, the trees + sky reminded me of the st john’s dairy and i wondered if we had another lee dream or afterlife or something but nope -is this take us back?? -hOLY SHIT IT’S TAKE US BACK!!! -okay and walking home, seeing everyone. god i was so sjfsakjfa there -like when i saw aasim run up to ruby i was all !!! and when they held hands i was all !!!!!!!!! yknow?? and then when i saw omar and WILLY and then on the gate there was VIOLET (i was so glad she was ok lmao the last thing i wanted for my girl was an offscreen death) god that was so good with the music i was crying a little again -need to make another bullet to stress how happy i am for ruby and aasim. like i would’ve been happy either way but they were portrayed as such a cute couple in the few seconds we got of them, so like. consider me a fan now i guess -i was worried for louis at first cuz i didn’t see him -i thought maybe this was the end of the game because we closed the gate and stuff and i was thinking ‘oh, like closing the story’ but NOPE -sup omar. up and cooking again i see -lmao my sleep-deprived brain found it hilarious that we just put the empty bucket down next to him -uhh what came next the graves or clem?? i forget -WAIT IT WAS THE GRAVES BECAUSE THE TIRE SWING WHICH IS SO CUTE AHH -well tenn’s grave made me :( but then CLEM -so glad my hunch that she was alive was right lmao -but also i thought that was determinant it was a lot less satisfying when you realize that no matter what she lives -i mean i get why they did it like that, they didn’t want anyone feeling left with the “bad ending”, their thing is that their games are tailored to how you play and there IS no bad ending but still. a little variation on that front would’ve made it a lil more satisfying -also where did they get those crutches -i love talking as aj. so much. -he’s just a funky lil guy! -that convo with clem on the steps, when she asked if she did a good job... like FUCK YEAH you did a good job, I’M YOU, you think i’m not happy with how i raised me?? -aj saying ‘are you crazy’ when clem asked that made me smile -okay i know ppl have been saying this. but. siblings aasim and willy rule. -and then the meal!! -i was super hoping for a card game but what we good was good. not great, but good. also, card game as aj would probably not be quite as fun. or it’d be very fun. honestly, it’d probably just be a different kind of fun. -when we panned over the table i saw a flash of louis and i went all ‘louis!!’ in my head -louis’s little note sadfasf that was so cute -and honestly everything about louis in this scene i love you louis -actually, just this whole scene was cute. willy and omar were adorable, and then ruby, and willy asking for seconds, and everyone just being Soft in general like. yall deserve this happiness -vi and clem talking Strategy dude sign me up -i love how clem trusts aj now. and i trust aj too tbh, a lot more than i did initially. i think i taught him pretty well. -violet and aj duo let’s go -slightly worried abt that caravan that was mentioned, but hey. the game left off on a high note, so NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN TO THEM EVER. YOU HEAR THAT?? -vIOLET INITIATED KISS PART TWO!!!!!! CHEEK KISS EDITION!!!!!!!! IM SOFT!!!!!!!!!! -okay that hallway with the snb team’s names all over the walls?? dude oof. they worked so hard it made me so happy to see their mark on texas two -haha texas two -ANYWAY -obviously i looked at all the collectibles i had, AND pet rosie, because i knew that when i ran out of things to do, the game would be over, and who wants that? -aj: *places human skull* *looks at animal skull* wow clem really likes skulls -kiddo i hate to break it to you but -seems like you’re taking after her in that regard -good girl rosie -lmao aj and his magic powers -it’s like louis in a box -hanging up james’ walker mask made me :(( -he is watching over you aj. and he would like that -ok guys i am BEGGING you. if you haven’t already, PLEASE repeatedly click disco broccoli until you can’t anymore. it’s great. -and then i finally had to put down the hat -”thank you for playing” GOD THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME -I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS SERIES IS OVER -I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SAYING GOODBYE TO CLEM -i mean i still have my louis route BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME AS A FRESH EPISODE YKNOW?? OKAY FINAL THOUGHTS: -FIRST OFF I JUST FOUND OUT VI CAN GO BLIND -honestly im in favor of that i rly like blind violet au and now it’s not au -rip her eye honestly -new tag to match my rip louis’ tongue -also i left violet feeling loved FUCK yea i did i love violet -OKAY ACTUAL THOUGHTS -looking at this episode afterwards, is it just me or is it a little... lacking? like, a little off? i mean obviously it’s good in the moment, super intense, but there were just a few things that make me feel like it’s the weakest of the season -also lmao i guess fuck minnie james and lilly, their storylines all felt kinda like a middle finger to their fans if that makes sense -but holy shit was that minnie stuff haunting. like HOLY SHIT -also, for a game that’s been focused a lot around clem’s interactions with the other characters, there was a lot... less of that in this episode. no card game, barely any interaction with anyone other than louis/violet, tenn, minnie, aj, and james. and two of those people are fighting you. one of them is even determinant. i was just expecting a little more on that front, because this season’s been really good with that sorta thing -also i would’ve loved a little more time with violet/louis. but that’s just a personal thing and not necessarily a problem lol -again, i feel like it would’ve been a little more satisfying for clem to survive if there were an option where she didn’t. but again again, i totally get why they didn’t go that route -in that vein, i’d really enjoy a little more time with the person who wasn’t on the bridge with you. i miss my boy louis :( -idk there’s just something a little off about this episode. -that’s not to say i didn’t love it (because i TOTALLY did just look at all that stuff above haha) -like i know i didn’t love the minnie part, but like i said, that shit was INTENSE -i can sorta see why they went that route -and i can’t speak for living!james but walker!james was oddly peaceful to see. like, there was a feeling of ‘this is what he would’ve wanted’ -and okay i loved the violet initiated kisses. so much. -also ruby and aasim that was pretty cute -and obviously im happy clem isn’t dead that’s always great -OH and i loved the scene with the snb team’s names on the walls. like that was so good. -finally, the end scene was so satisfying. it ended the series the right way. with clem’s hat :p

[theabbystabby]

I am writing this down so I don’t forget about it.

I had a dream about a new Invader Zim TV show. Dunno why! I just did. And usually my dreams are pretty incomprehensible or I forget them right away but this one was different.

It was about Zim being in exile because he was too kind and sweet to be part of the Irken Empire, rather than him just being down right stupid loose canon. He found Earth in his wanderings and decided to live there because he liked a lot of its qualities. Including human beings. But most importantly, upon observation, he saw how parents treated their children and wanted to have a life like that.

He set up base, built himself parents (who were very nice to him), and began to attend school to make friends. Ms. Bitters was still about the same but the kids actually really accepting!

Except Dib. He was hellbent on exposing Zim as an alien (as he does), convinced that all alien life was either out to destroy Earth and/or needed to be captured for science. Basically brainwashed by The Swollen Eyeball Network. and they often got into fights, some of which were physical. Afterwards there would be times where kids would confront Dib and tell him that what he’s doing is messed up. Whether Zim is really an alien or not, he was a chill guy when they weren’t fighting and he should leave him alone. But this was usually when Zim had already left, and Dib had a hard time listening to them.

After getting home from having a hard day at school, that’s when Zim’s lingering Irken tendencies came out. He’d take his anger out by either going batshit crazy on a dummy of Dib or he’d start plans and phases to prove himself worthy to be apart of the Irken empire by bringing Earth to its knees. Even if they treated him badly, and he didn’t truly want to be apart of the empire, he still felt alienated from the humans and had a small, twisted desire to be with his kind.

The show in its entirety drops most of its lol random XD humor (if that wasn’t already obvious) but it was still there in some places! And some stuff was totally unexpected! There was a bit where Zim’s robot mom and dad were having relationship issues and the mom left dad for a girlfriend! And when Zim found out, his mom and dad sat him down to explain to him why things happened the way they did in a very explainable way that allowed Zim to understand and accept his mom’s decision.

... Not that I can remember exactly how they did but I remember it being a very tender moment. Even though the dad fell into a pretty bad depression from their divorce.

I don’t think there was much else that ended up happening. According to my dream I only got 6 episodes in. GIR was there for a second before my dream switched gears but I think Zim built him as a faithful robot doggy companion since a lot of kids have pets. And I’m pretty sure other than Dib bullying him, he had other problems in school/public... I just can’t remember what.

And the more I think about it, the more ideas I wanna add to it! Like how I think that Tak would get sent to assassinate Zim to make up for her own “malfunctions”, only to end up empathizing with him and joining him on Earth, as well as teaching him how to create not as obvious contraptions and disguises since Zim isn’t exactly inconspicuous. And I imagine him, Tak, and eventually Dib would end up joining the Resisty.

Sorry for the TL;DR and I KNOW these ideas do not follow the IZ formula but I still thought it was cute and worth remembering/sharing!

[marsupials-of-mars]

Dreams

(Because tumblr decided to lose Dreams an Nightmares for no reason I have to reupload)

“Yknow, life’s pretty awesome. Who knows what could happen? We could go to a party, watch a movie, hang out with your friends, eat out... what if something big happens tomorrow? You rescue a puppy off the side of the road, and it turns out that it has puppies, and now you’re a dog grandpa. Or they discover an ancient castle in... some place that has castles....” Roman rambled off predictions. It was he and Thomas’s nightly routine, at least on good nights, on bad nights Virgil might take the shift. But Roman cherished his turn each time, predicting the events of the next day, week, year. It helped Thomas get to sleep, like a bedtime story.

“Thanks Ro.” Thomas yawned and rolled over. In a few moments his breathing deepened. Roman smiled and sunk into Thomas’ mind, energized by a job well done.

He looked around the hall. He didn’t feel tired. Usually if the sides didn’t feel tired at night it meant that they had a shift with... the prince gasped and looked down the hall. Sure enough there was a black and pink door sparkling at the end of the hall. Unlike the side’s rooms, this one only showed up to a side when it was their turn, or if they’d been given specific permission. Roman squealed. He hadn’t been there in weeks. He trotted down the hall eagerly and knocked on the door.

“Ugh, What? I’m working.” An annoyed voice spoke muffled through the door.

Roman smirked and leaned on the door.

“Fine then, I’ll just party all night all by myself.” There was silence a moment. The door flew open and Roman fell into the room. The door-opener sidestepped just in time.

“Watch it, you almost made me spill!” Roman looked up at a leather sleeved hand held out. He grabbed it and was pulled up quickly, almost wrenching his shoulder.

“Okay, ow...” he rubbed his wrist.

“Where have you been you bitch, It’s been so boring around here!” Remy pulled the prince into a hug. “What were you thinking leaving me so long?!”

Roman chuckled and shoved him. “You know if I had a choice I’d be here every night Rem.”

“Okay, OKAY, this is a big night, I’ve got some microwave popcorn in the kitchen, two new nail polishes, and I can queue up some Queer Eye, this is OUR night girl!”

He clipped his sunglasses on his shirt revealing winged eyeliner that none of the other sides could pull off if they tried. “Cmon lets fucking party!”

Roman grabbed his friends shoulders. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Um...drinks?”

“The reason I’m here?”

“To.....party...?”

Roman rolled his eyes. He loved Remy but he could be an airhead a lot of the time.

“Dream mode? Dreams? We need to make a dream.”

Remy blinked. “Well duh, I knew that, we’ve got all night.”

Roman sighed. “You know if we put it off you’ll end up dragging me into the best night of my life and Thomas will go without any dreams for another month.”

“Uuuuuugh!” Remy groaned dramatically. “Who shoved that stick up your ass?” He raised a brow and smirked. “Our Friend Lo~”

“Shut up!” Roman shoved him into the couch. He giggled evilly. “Cmon girl, liven up, live a little!”

Roman rubbed his eyes. It’s times like these he hated, acting like the adult. Who else would be lively enough to tell him, Prince Roman, to liven up? “Fine, why not?” He threw his coat and sash off. “Let’s have some fun first.”

Four episodes of Queer Eye and six collective wines later, Roman stood up. He swayed on his feet a bit. “Dreams! Dream time!”

“Aw, Cmon, my third coat’s nearly dry, give it a minute!” Remy blew on his dark pink nails. Roman touched his cherry red gloss to make sure it was dried.

“Okay, a minute.” He slumped on the couch and watched Remy.

“So what’s been up with you Remington? Whats the deal with the old REM cycle? What’s he been up to?” He turned himself so his knees hung on the back of the couch.

“Not much. Works been kicking my ass. Thomas has been trying to ‘reestablish a healthy sleep schedule” or some shit. It’s haaaard.”

“Does that have to do with the lack of dreams?”

“Yeah, he’s been pretty drained, deep sleep mode. Dreamless, Dark, boring.”

“Sounds gross.”

“Understatement much? It’s literally hell.”

Roman laid back and sighed.

“They dry?”

Remy touched his nails. “Looks like it.” He shoved up from the floor. “Yknow what? Let’s make this dream one to remember, go batshit crazy, more than usual, who’s gonna stop us huh?”

”I’m supposed to be the one coming up with the great ideas!” Roman stumbled to his feet.

“Tough bitch, Cmon!” Remy grabbed his wrist and dragged him into a black room. The door closed behind them, disappearing and leaving them in a blank space. No floor or walls, nothing but them. He waved his hand and a file drawer extended from the nothing. Roman peered over his shoulder.

“So what do we have to work with tonight?”

Remy pulled out a stack of folders. “Here’s all we have from this month.” He pulled out the first. “Ah! His aunt got a new puppy-“

“Oh my god YES! Have you SEEN her her name’s Lucy! She’s the sweetest thing!” Roman gushed.

“So... I’m guessing we’re using this one?”

“Uhdoy!” Roman grabbed the folder. He reached in and pulled out a coffee colored yorkiepoo. “And what if she was... horse sized?” He resized the puppy and squealed. “Cute! And now she’s blue!” He patted her belly and her fur faded to blue.

“Oooh fun, I love it, another!” Remy pulled out the next folder and checked the title. “His friend just introduced him to a guy from her yoga class who he thought was kind of cute but would never care or find any reason to act on.”

“He shall ride the dog! And he’ll be wearing a tux!” Romans pulled the man from the folder and customized his clothes. The man jumped onto horse Lucy, who roared like a lion in response.

“Love it, love it!” Remy pulled the next folder out. “Some random lady working the front desk at his doctors! Her face could be used for anything.”

“Hmmm... save that.”

Remy put the folder back. “What about that cookout he went to where he was eaten alive by bugs?”

“Perfect! Our antagonist! Roman plucked a handful of gnats from the folder and blew them up to the size of softballs, sending them to battle yoga boy and horse Lucy.

“Getting there! What else?”

“He had dinner with his mom recently...”

“Aha!” Roman pulled Thomas’ mother from the folder. He took the secretary and assigned her the role of mother. “His Mom is now the secretary!”

“Okay, Okay! Now? This next one is the entire layout of that cabin he vacationed to in sophomore year!”

“Perfect! I’ll meld it with his own house! We have our setting! Now for the plot!”

“Um... we have either ‘the video is going to be up late’ or ‘the fish I was served at a restaurant recently still had the head.’”

“The second one is juicer! The fish is still alive somehow and he feels the need to take it to the ocean!”

“Why would he-“

“Logan isn’t here! Now, I need one more person!”

“I have...” Remy spread the remaining folders out on the floor. “‘Red haired man he saw on the sidewalk on the drive to Joan’s house’, ‘Amethyst from Steven Universe’, and ‘Junior year Algebra 2 teacher’.”

Roman pulled out Amethyst. “Perfect! Her new name is Carol, and she’s yoga boys big sister! Should we see from her view in first person, or watch her antics in third person?”

“Um...” Remy thought. “Both?”

“GENIUS!” Roman conjured a keypad and typed up a quick script. “Aaaaand done!”

Remy locked in the dream and hit play. He quietly led Roman out and shut the door. “Cmon, we’ll miss it!” He pulled the prince back to the couch and shoved him into the cushions. He turned on the tv and the dream played out onscreen. Roman beamed at his masterpiece. As Thomas dreamt, Remy conjured face masks and frappuccinos. Roman dozed off. Tipsy Remy tried to find out how many popcorn kernels he could balance on his friend’s face. In a few hours the dream finished. lights dimmed. Remy shook Roman awake. “Rise and shine RoRo, he’s waking up.” The prince blinked awake.

“Oh...”

“Lunch this Friday? We need to keep in touch better.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Now get out of my room.” Remy pointed Roman to the door with a manicured finger.

“Bye bitch.” Roman saluted him with two fingers before stepping through the door. It disappeared behind him. He yawned and went to check on the waking Thomas. He rose next to him, sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal.

“Oh, hey Roman! I just had the weirdest dream...”

[darklingichor]

Fool, The Serpent of Venice, Shakespeare for Squirrels by Christopher Moore *Spoilers*

I wrote about the last book in this trilogy not too long ago, but the first two have been in my regular rotation for years. There isn't a great way to examine books I have read time and time again without spoilers so spoilers will have to happen. When in the realm of my repeaters, you'll likely see Christopher Moore pop up more than once this year as he as written five of the books I would take to a desert island with me.

For some reason, with the exception of last year, I always seem to start my new year reading the Pocket books. I'll admit, this is a bit of a cheat, since I started these right after I finished Minimum Wage Magic, on Christmas Day, but fuck it.

There's something about the character Pocket that calls out to be the usher into a new year.

Maybe because he reinvents himself all the time, or maybe because I can see him waxing philosophical about the absurdities

Like for 2020 I can see him saying

"For fuck sake what was that? Not enough to incrementally burn the world, had to have a nice plauge too? Trying to call down the four horsemen one at a time, eh? If you have to go biblical, sodam and gamorrah at least had a fair few orgies before things went tits up."

Anyway, I adore these books. A quick run down.

Fool is mostly a play on King Lear, but borrows from many of The Bard's plays.

Pocket is the diminutive court jester. He is all at once at the bottom of the peaking order and in the thick of the intrigue and has a front row seat for the drama that plays out between Lear and his daughters. It's all done with an homage to British humor in mind and Moore's hilarious style.

I always expect to laugh when reading this book, and I do! The audio version is amazing but the word on the page book has footnotes that make me giggle every time. Christopher Moore always has a lot of heart in his stories. If you don't feel like crying at least once a book, you haven't been paying attention.

I know this, it's one of the reasons he is one of my favorite authors. But I always forget just how many times Fool tugs at the heartstrings. Sometimes a gentle one like when Pocket says to Cordelia "Now and forever, Milady."

Sometimes a great wrenching yank like when a particular history is uncovered. It's damn near a perfect book,in my opinion.

The next one, The Serpent of Venice... When I first read it, I didn't like it as much. Without getting too far into spoilers, a lot had changed for Pocket, he was sadder and one of the best characters wasn't in this book as much. But, this one grew on me. The story is a blend of The Merchant of Venice, Othello, and Poe's story The Cast of Amantiano, but again, borrows from many of Shakespeare's plays.

This one, once you get over the character changes (which are completely nessessary) is freaking hilarious. Yes, it still hits you where you live, but Pocket is specifically sent to Venice to annoy everyone. A task he takes up with vigor! When this mission is put to the side, he weaves his way though knots of villains and new friends all the while, as Othello puts it, being "A deeply silly man."

Serpent differs from Fool, mainly, in that Fool is told entirely in the first person, but Serpent, because of its more complex plot, switches between Pocket and the third person, following other characters. That might have been why I didn't like it as much, at first. I use to have a big problem with perspective changes.

Some of the third person stuff is the funniest sections in the book. For example, Iago, being yelled at by his wife Emilia in front of two superiors:

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much," said Iago.

"Methinks the lady protests just the right amount," said Emilia. "Methinks the lady is just getting fucking started protesting!"

Anyway, that, I think, is what I noticed about this book this time. It's funnier, and depending on my mood, I even like it more. For all that Pocket is sadder, the tone of this book is lighter.

King Lear is heavy stuff, as is Othello, but throwing Merchant into the mix gives the characters some room. All but a few people in Fool are not fully evil but not fully good guys either. The story plays with their personalities having them fall into a grey area, even if that grey is pretty dark.

In Serpent, the comedic tone means that the characters could play their good guy or bad guy note a little harder. Meaning that people are planning hanious fuckery right out in the open and Iago is plain batshit.

The Chorus character is the cherry on top. He "Narrates" but often at the wrong times, and the characters can hear him, see him, and are generally annoyed by him.

A great follow up to Fool!

Squirrels is next. The second read through got me thinking about something I noticed the first time. This is where I'll get a bit spoiler-y.

This one is a take on A Midsummer Night's Dream. Not going to do a run down as, I already did one in entry twenty-six of last year. It's a fun read and really good. But on with the thing that I noticed:

I think that Pocket, in this book might be dead and having a weird perimortum dream

Some things that suggest this are phrases and themes that play as off kilter mirrors to events that happen in the other books.

Such as when, in Serpent, Jessica asks Pocket if the reason people want to kill him, is because he's a shit.

A very similar conversation occars between Pocket and a fairy.

There's a point in Squirrels where reference is made to characters having their eye gouged out. This happens in Fool.

Then there is a big part of the story where things are very much parallel to Pocket that ultimately ends in a death. But, a big reason actually comes from a scene in Serpent. A ghost ("There's always a bloody ghost.") Comes to Pocket wearing the shirt from his fool's motley. When he comments on it the ghost says: "The implications are bloody ominous, aren't they?"

So... Yeah. Then again though, this could be a fan theory in the realm of Angelica from Rugrats is in a mental hospital.

On the one hand, it would be a dark, yet cool way to end the Pocket books. On the other I sort of like the idea that Pocket just had a strange encounter with a bunch of fairies and he's off to his next adventure. I think it will depend on my mood which I subscribe to.

All in all, I think this read though have me a good amount of insight I didn't have before.

[zhantilniiraala]

so i had an elaborate narrative of a villainous dream last night

it was pretty fucking great and i'm gonna try to jot down a list of salient points from my subconscious before i forget too much of it. this actually occurred across several sleep cycles as i distinctly remember waking up in the middle because a puppy was licking me a couple of times, but as long as i don't wake up too much in betweensies i have semi lucid dreams and redirect it back to what was happening if i'm liking the experience.

i spent my dream half of the time as flug and half of the time as... flug's... sister???? somebody my sleepbrain made up anyways, she looks like a lot like a mixture of sugar and zacharie from off

flug's sister is into girls and has a bangin gf with blue hair

i'm just gonna call sister person sugar for ease of referral

first half of dream i was sugar and hanging out in a spooky haunted house with several random npcs

it was kind of like saw 2 but instead of jigsaw it was black hat doing all sorts of torturey shit to kill off the group

i get the sense that this was sometime between bh taking over the world the first time and forming his brand and line of villain products, so i guess he hadn't quite gotten tired of just trolling around doing bad guy stuff yet

sugar ended up escaping and leading bh on a merry chase through my standard dreamtime cityscape (my dreams reuse a lot of scenery)

eventually the chase ended up at the wild west section of an amusement park

i believe sugar got away on a train and fled back into a more militarized section of the city

at this point the narrative thread gets a little fuzzy

but eventually i end up as part of a large crowd in a theater who are all apparently competing to be bh's sidekick for his new villain company

i'm also kind of jumping pov between sugar and flug now

nothing to do with the story persay but bh definitely has a black leather vest that he wears sometimes that he was in for part of this while looking at a security cam screen and godDAMN does he look good in it

(also he has hips for days when he so chooses)

idk where this last one came into my brain from but i also have several other subconscious bh headcanons from this shitshow of a dream

like the fact that he has a bottomless hell pit somewhere in bh hq

and he totally does have hair sometimes, it's just a wig type thing so also technically a hat

sometimes the hair is different colors (perhaps he hadn't settled squarely on the bh brand appearance and logo yet?)

i guess the true hc here is that he shapeshifts all the gd time to mess with people

so at this point bh has given a speech about wtf all us aspiring sidekicks are doing here and pov settles on flug

crowd is advised to go to the bathroom beforehand

we have a view of the outside of the public restroom in bh hq and it's unisex, i guess bh is progressive

so anyhow there's a wild gauntlet of deadly challenges to pick a sidekick, most of the others are super extra dead

this isn't regular ded

this is ADVANCED ded

flug makes it though

one of the final challenges is some sort of evil game show with inscrutable rules known only to bh (who is the host obv)

flug does very well using the power of SCIENCE(tm) to determine the identity of an explosive substance and how it can best be used

also the other two game show competitors end up being sugar and a 5.0.5 lookalike

there's another wacky chase scene through the warehouse (of evil) where this is taking place

flug has gunshoes to go faster (but made of test tubes). they serve the same purpose. i'm calling them gunshoes.

the three reach the end of the and find that the ultimate prize is not being a sidekick to bh, but just escaping with your life

but bh drops some kind of vague hint about being persistent

it was very disappointing and the three wander off to commiserate

they wind up in a bathroom

because my subconscious is apparently bathroom-centric??????

and while flug (still me btw) is poopin he has an epiphany

(the best ideas sometimes come while poopin after all)

and inadvertently tells the other two that if only they go back again to show their persistence, maybe they will actually be chosen

flug feels like a dumbass because the other two immediately run back to the hq, while he is stuck mid poo

he sadly washes his hands (personal hygiene is important) and meanders back to hq feeling sorry for himself

when he gets outside the door he sees sugar leave and run off with her gf so clearly something went wrong

then goes inside and finds that the 5.0.5 was actually a dude in a bear suit and he's gone absolutely batshit crazy in the past few minutes since they parted ways

it seems that bh was waiting there and does some horrifying eldritch shit with his face

and flug is just like "neat"

so i guess the job description includes not going insane and/or tossing one's cookies whenever bh does something truly cthuloid

which let's be real is like a regular tuesday for him

so hey! flug gets the jorb

also as an afterthought/series of observations that have been semipresent in the subtext for a while now but can't get across without directly addressing them

i have the sense that bh definitely does not do "personal space"

particularly when either angry (often) or very excited/hyperfocused on something (not often)

so poor little nerdling flug

whose main source of social contact is ranting at people who are wrong on the internet

and whose main source of PHYSICAL contact is various lab animals

(and who already has a great deal of professional supervillain admiration for bh)

has promptly developed an unhealthy crush

which bh tolerates only because flug is aro as heck and there's no gross attempts at a display of affection

so yeah flug is mmmmmdefinitely into that

Bad Shit