#A Life of One's Own

[remembertheplunge]

Can age 40 comprehend age 60's pilgrimage? Age 70 can.

January 7, 2016. Thursday 6:33am

"How happy are you right now? In 1926 a young English woman named Joanna Field, began to feel…that she did not know what made her truly happy. She kept a journal…the journal, “A Life of One’s Own” was published in 1934.

It was written, she confided, in the spirit of a detective who searches through the minutiae of the mundane in hopes of finding clues for what was missing in her life.”   From the Book Simple Abundance. A Day Book of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach

On the January 7 page.

End of this part of the entry

My margin note to the above: 

 Jason, although conceding that I love my work, thinks I should jump and run.

But, there is pleasure in the pilgrimage.

Suzzie said “You’re work is here. Say “Yes” to it. The negative will fall away.

Can age 40 comprehend age 60’s pilgrimage? Age 70 can.

_____________________________________________________

Additional margin note to above entry: 

Just reading her book again now! (Re: A Life of One’s Own).  

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Note: 

In 2016, my personal trainer Jason wanted me to move to Costa Rica and become a counselor at a “meditation” clinic of sorts. Jason was 40.

I had an active criminal law practice going in Modesto, California at the time, but was struggling financially.

Suzzie, age 70, owner of Intrinsic Elements, a new age store in Modesto, said “Your work is here. Say “Yes” to it. The negative will fall away."

Two suggestions , Both given on January 6, 2016. 

I was 60 at the time.

I love Joanna Field’s book “A Life Of One’s Own” and highly recommend it.

[authorstalker]

My October & November Reads

A Life of One's Own: Nine Women Writers Begin Again, Joanna Biggs - One of my favorite reads of the year! A delicious blend of memoir and literary history, the author researches the personal and professional lives of women writers (including Toni Morrison, Virginia Woolf, Zora Neale Hurston, and George Eliot) as a way to cope with her decision to leave her husband. I learned so much and wanted to murder Ted Hughes. It's an excellent, gossipy good time.

I Meant It Once: Stories, Kate Doyle - I would rename this collection Stories for Sad Girls, which used to be my brand........but to be honest, at first I felt too ancient for all of the early-twenty-something emotions. A few stories in I adjusted, however, and then the reading experience became more like a journey to a time when the future was unknown and excitinggggg rather than ya know, constantly fearing that life's various, terrible inevitabilities are just around the corner.

Lives of the Saints, Nancy Lemann - A novella that made me laugh, cry, and consider booking a trip to New Orleans.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

historical drama/sitcom where two gay best friends (woman and man) get lavender married--and proceed to spend the Fancy European Honeymoon their parents paid for acting as each other's wingman

[symphonyofsilence]

Let the poor man rest.

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

[liloinkoink]

i don’t have memes or art the way the rest of the trivia team does but here are a few of my favroite messages about making this trivia game

[hinamie]

9 / 266

[coddda]

I wish we could have met in some other way.

Lawlight Week Day 2: Soulmates

If you saw me repost and re-edit this several times uh No you didn't </3

Still frames/Individual gifs:

If you know what every frame is from you get a free cookie. by the way

[ruporas]

need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)

[aroaceleovaldez]

i have suddenly become obsessed with a theme that HoO established but never proceeded to extrapolate on, which is:

You are Percy Jackson, and you have been swapped with a boy who was allegedly everyone's favorite person, but they have decided to replace him with you. They just met you. You stand next to his best friend and the people he's known his entire life. In his home. In his cloak. In his place. They stopped looking for him.

You are Jason Grace, and you have just found out you have a long lost sister who completely replaced you in her life with this girl you just met. Your lives and personalities are mirrors. She is you, living the life you were robbed of.

You are Annabeth Chase, and you have just become starkly aware that you have been inhabiting the void left behind by your best friend's long lost brother. You and Luke were just replacements for him. Now you have to look him in the eyes when he has nothing and know you took that life from him.

You are Piper McLean, and you have just found out your relationship is fake and built entirely on the memories of Annabeth Chase. You have been given a boyfriend when hers has been taken away. You have no idea how much of it is real or not but regardless you feel like if your relationship isn't exactly in their image that you have failed.

You are Leo Valdez, and you have just learned that you are the echo of your great-grandfather. You are not your own person. You just exist to be a mirror of him. A doppelganger. An actor and stunt double facing all the danger he never had to but wearing his face. To be there for his best friend decades later simply because he couldn't. You are playing a role. A seventh wheel and a pawn for a goddess who carefully sculpted your entire life for her own purposes.

You are Hazel Levesque, and the only reason you are alive is because your brother couldn't save your his sister. You are a consolation prize. An apology. Your existence here is misplaced in every way but you inhabit it anyways.

You are Frank Zhang, and you are a shapeshifter. Inhabiting your own body feels strange and clumsy when you could be literally anything at any time. You are anything and everything and live your life with the simple certainty of knowing exactly how you will die.

[applepixls]

I CAUGHT HIM

I FOUND IT.

grian didnt include it in his own episode and lizzie didn't include it either and i didn't see it in mumbos episode? but in skizz's episode you see him add the <3 by his name and then spin around really quickly like he's scared someone saw

[stil-lindigo]

warmth.

a comic about not being alone.

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creative notes:

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all my other comics

store

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

None of our hands are clean

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

[jenanigans1207]

What I wanted so badly was for Mary to learn about her boys from Cas. Like that night where Cas finds her when she can’t sleep and she expresses that she just doesn’t know anything about her sons since she missed so much?? All I wanted was for Cas to sit down with her at the table and just start telling her about them. Basic stuff at first: their favorite foods, their sleeping habits, the stuff he’s just observed by being their passenger for years.

And then I want him to say something totally Cas, like “Dean always wears more layers but that’s because his body naturally runs two degrees colder than Sam’s. But that’s normal for him and not indicative of any illness, so it’s nothing to worry about.”

And as they talk, it starts to get a little deeper, and Cas tells her more. He tells her about what she missed, about all the horrible things that happened to her sons and how they coped; how it changed them. And he tells her about Sam, he does, but really it ends up being all about Dean.

He’ll tell her about how Dean clenches his fists when he’s upset, even as he tries to keep his face impassive. About how Dean drums his fingers on the steering wheel when he’s anxious. He’ll tell her about Dean’s nightmares, about the ways he’s chosen to cope. He’ll tell her how to know when to approach Dean and when to give him space, how to gently acknowledge what he’s feeling without pushing him too far.

And with every word he says, Mary’s curious head tilt from when she’d seen them hug in reunion turns into a bone deep type of certainty. Because Cas is telling her things that only someone who paid special attention would notice. He’s telling her things that only someone very, very close to her son’s heart would know.

Cas will tell her the cliff notes of what they’ve been through; will tell her how the whole world looked to Dean and he rose to the occasion over and over again. He’ll tell her about Dean’s doubts in himself and then vehemently declare them as wrong and explain, at length, why. He will tell her about the people Dean has loved— the people who loved him like he was their own— and lost. He will tell her about Bobby, Ellen, Jody, Donna, and Charlie. He’ll tell her about Claire, too, and how Dean stepped up.

And the whole time, Mary will have this realization that oh, she may not have been around to guide and protect her sons, but there was always someone there to care for them and support them when they needed it. She will realize that she and John may have left them, but they were never alone.

But more than that, there was someone there for Dean. Someone picking Dean over and over again while Dean picked Sam, or the world, over himself. There was someone fighting for Dean when he wasn’t fighting for himself. There was someone who saw Dean, and loved him unconditionally.

Sitting across from her, at the asscrack of dawn, filling her in on all the things she missed was every mother’s dream: someone who loved her child with the kind of devotion that would break the world. And from the sounds of the stories she was being told, it did break the world. Someone whose love is entirely untainted and comes without any strings attached.

It’s so clear to her as she listens to Cas talk that Cas loves Dean with no expectations. That loving Dean is something he just does, like he doesn’t know how not to love Dean, like the possibility of not loving him never occurred to Cas. He loves Dean in a way that Mary knows can and will soothe Dean’s sharp edges and battered heart. He loves Dean in the kind of pure way that tells Mary that it will continue to endure and overcome everything without ever diminishing, even the littlest amount.

Mary, through tears, will tell Cas how she always told Dean that there were angels watching over him. And before Cas can make some comment about Dean being the Righteous Man and the interest of most of Heaven, she will place a hand over his and give him a motherly look that will convey all the things she’s not sure how to say— and the things she’s not sure Cas is ready to hear yet. And Cas will flush and look away, mumbling about how her son is very special to him.

And when she pulls him into a hug and murmurs thank yous into his shoulder, she will be comforted in the knowledge that her sons turned out to be wonderful men, and that they managed to stay together through everything. She will be comforted to know that no matter what happens, no matter her shortcomings as she tries to fill a role she never meant to leave, Sam will have Dean and Dean will have Cas.

And this time, when Cas tells her that she belongs here, she will believe him. And she will tell him that he belongs here, too.

And when Dean wakes up a few hours later and wanders in to find Mary and Cas still chatting over the table, he’ll be surprised— but pleased— to find Mary looking more at ease. He’ll be pleased when she gives him a warm hug and pats him on the cheek and tell him with all the sincerity that only a mother can muster that she’s glad that he met Castiel. And when Dean agrees, a little confused, Mary will just smile at him.

“I always said I’d like a third son.” She says, “so give him a reason to take our last name, won’t you?”

And Dean will splutter and turn fifteen shades of red as he steadfastly doesn’t look at Cas but mumbles something that suggests he’s not against the idea at all.

And Mary will laugh again and wink at an equally red Cas before heading towards the kitchen like “Cas said waffles are your favorite, so I hope you’re hungry!”

[clouvu]

Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine