#30% exhausted brain
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So like a year ago, I made a post asking why Dorian confessed to murdering Basil in the 1891 edition of the book, but not the 1890. For the last few months, while working on tlg and the comic, I’ve on and off again worked on a small animatic for the ending of TPODG. Because of this I’ve had to reread the ending conversation with Henry again and again. And a thought occurred to me:
Is Dorian’s ‘desire to be good’ actually an attempt to stop being objectified?
Dorian’s ‘desire to be good’ is obviously horseshit, even to himself, but why does he do it? "To feel something new" is a lazy explanation especially when the book literally says that “[h]e felt a wild longing for the unstained purity of his boyhood”. He doesn’t want something new, he wants what he had before. But it’s not the innocence of his youth, nor something material he desires—it’s the way people treated him before Henry and Basil.
The thing that always stood out to me was this exchange (occuring after Dorian’s confession):
“There is someone at White’s who wants immensely to know you—young Lord Poole, Bournemouth’s eldest son. He has already copied your neckties, and has begged me to introduce him to you. He is quite delightful and rather reminds me of you.”
“I hope not,” said Dorian with a sad look in his eyes.”
While many modern adaptations either forget this line or give a charitable reading, to me it reads as though Dorian realizes he’s replaceable. Even though he has a magic portrait and eternal youth, he still is a dying relic of a changing world. He will never be anything more than the innocent, youthful doll society and Henry treated him as.
His confession, to Henry of all people, was a final plea to be seen as more than the dumb youth, as an innocent angel—he is begging Henry to look at him and see that Dorian Gray is a person. That he feels more than youth, or beauty, or idolatry. That he is capable of great violence and even greater crime, like any other man and through that can be capable of evolving with the time like any other. He doesn't want to live as a passing fancy of perverts and naive young people.
But Henry breaks all of that in one simple line:
“You and I are what we are, and will be what we will be.”
But, Lord Henry was never going to see Dorian as a real person. Because Henry himself isn’t real. ‘Lord Henry’ is a role he plays, one that consumed him far before the first chapter. In many ways, his cynical philosophy is his own defective portrait. He hides any semblance of a person in his role of ‘cynical hedonist’ and denies any change. He too is a dying relic of a changing world.
When Henry denies his attempt to change, Dorian seeks Basil’s portrait of him. I think it's quite telling that even after he murder him, Dorian seeks implicit comfort from the man who had idolized his rose-white purity. Basil was the only relationship that was closest to what he had before. But the sad truth is laid bare:
No one ever saw Dorian Gray as a real person.
He was always a role being played.
And he dies tragically discarded.
#this is only a theory and opinion piece.#it is something I've thought about for a while#I hope I get across what I'm trying to#this is def 70% analysis#30% exhausted brain#dorian gray is a tragedy first and foremost#i discovered this when I read hamlet at the same time as this book#uhhh yeah gimme your thoughts if you want#the picture of dorian gray#tpodg#dorian gray#basil hallward#henry wotton#analysis#essay#unironically essays are so fun when you enjoy the material#choco drops an essay and won't reply for seven fucking days#long post
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yyh textpost pt 3 (pt 1, pt 2, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7, pt 8, pt 9) ft some less prominent faves
#EDIT: I FORGOT THE GUMDROP BUTTONS ONE#(that's karasu in the it's so crowver image btw. get it bc. bc his name is)#i spent. several hours making like 30 of these so. pts 4 and 5 coming very soon#my stores are not technically exhausted yet even then. lots of posts to make i spose#yyh#yu yu hakusho#yusuke urameshi#yyh genkai#yyh chu#yyh rinku#yyh hokushin#yyh mukuro#yyh itsuki#shinobu sensui#yyh bui#yyh shishiwakamaru#keiko yukimura#kazuma kuwabara#yyh koto#yyh ruka#koenma#yyh karasu#also i always forget sensui's terminal illness. like it's so out of nowhere that by the time it comes up my brain's MUSH from like 10 eps o#boss battle yknow
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it is extremely fucking rude that the human brain and body do not come with detailed status updates and specific information about what it needs in order to function. my nose randomly starts bleeding and i just have to fucking guess what might be wrong with me, like some kind of animal.
#it is probably because i finished work at 9 last night and started at 7:30 this morning#but i am still pissed off that my exhausted brain has to work that out for itself#this meeting of the conscious mind should have been an email
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Yuji and Megumi don't have this "goodbye kisses" thing, but rather "welcome kisses", because they refuse to think that this could be the last moment they have together, so they always promise to do their best to get back to each other.
#It's 00:30 when I thought about it#my exhausted brain only thinks about itafushi anguish#stupid and depressing#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#fushiguro megumi#itafushi#itadori yuji#yuji itadori#fushiita
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lol. i think ive reached my limit.
#i just cannot take this torture anymore#ive been at the mercy of this horrible disease for over half my life now#imagine living knowing that roughly every 3.5 weeks youre going to experience the most excruciating pain of your life#along with crushing. usually suicidal depression. and such extreme fatigue and exhaustion that you easily sleep for 14+ hours a DAY#AND ITS ALL FOR FUCKING *NOTHING*#there is literally ZERO benefit or reason for me to be experiencing this#it is 100% extraneous#and even if you go to a dr and try to get treatment their only recommendation is 1) pain killers and/or 2) birth control#which both come with their own fucking share of unpleasant side effects#not to mention theyre not even 100% effective at stopping the problem in the first FUCKING place#and imagine even tho you have this DEBILITATING DISORDER society at large has decided it straight up DOESNT EXIST#to the point where REAL ACTUAL MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS will dismiss your symptoms#not to mention people in your life who dont understand or just straight up dont believe your disorder is real#good luck keeping a job or any other major commitments#considering you'll either be out of commission for like. 1 out of ever 4 weeks#or youll have to work/whatever WHILE experiencing said excruciating pain/crushing depression/debilitating exhaustion#not to mention the GI issues and the migraines and the brain fog and the fucking. full body aches#wanna go to a concert? or plan a vacation? or just. fucking. RELAX? you better hope its not during Hell Week or youre outta luck#and youve got roughly 30-40 YEARS of this to look forward to#maybe less IF YOURE LUCKY#im fucking over it#i cant take it anymore#im making an appt to see a dr and i WILL NOT LEAVE THEIR OFFICE until they have referred me to whoever i have to talk to to make this stop#my fucking fury at having to live like this has officially outweighed my fear of invasive procedures/recovery time/side effects#let along the torture that is navigating the medical care system as an AFAB#i just. i cant do this anymore.#i want to fucking LIVE#fuck
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#vent#sorry god not to use this as a space for that since i almost never do but i am. so frustrated.#so context is that over this year i have lost. like. A Concerning Amount Of Weight. without changing anything about my lifestyle.#hell if anything i’m doing worse on that front because i have no fucking energy now. i am constantly exhausted and dizzy. i can’t eat as#well as i used to and i can’t exercise. i do not feel good!!!#but i can’t say a goddamn thing to my family because the minute they hear ‘lost weight’ it’s like their brains turn off and they don’t hear#the rest of what’s going on. it’s purely positive for them.#EVEN IF I DID NOT FEEL LIKE SHIT. AND I VERY MUCH DO. I STILL WOULD NOT LIKE MY BODY SUDDENLY CHANGING ON ME LIKE THAT.#i liked how i looked and i liked how i felt.#i felt so much fucking stronger and more alert like 30 pounds ago. now im always tired and none of my clothes fit and im cold because all my#fucking padding got taken away from me!!!! i needed that!!!!!!!!#im just hoping Something shows up in my bloodwork this month to clue me in to what’s going on because this can’t continue. i hate this.
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can't sleep (despite new meds + melatonin, boo), so I'm thinking about random shit. like: it's insane to me that I'm totally fine living on the ground floor now. it used to really freak me out. I hated being downstairs when we lived in a house. I always felt watched when I had my room on the ground floor. and every time I visited my dad at his ground floor apartment - where I was on my own except for maybe an hour a day - I had what I now know were panic attacks several times a day. so like, that's pretty crazy.
#not once have I thought that I'm about to be murdered since we moved in#and I used to think that everywhere. it was just MUCH worse on the ground floor#idk im just insane maybe#but it's nice that the (other) meds seem to be doing a good job#it feels so crazy now when those kinds of thoughts come back at night. like HOW did I live like this for 30 years?? how did I not kill#myself (too scared lol that's literally the only reason)#anyway hi it seems like I only come here to talk about the dumb shit my brain does at this point#sorry! I mean it doesn't matter I guess bc who would even notice#idk I tried to be online less soooo now I'm back on reddit instead and it is not good for me and I know it#might be spiralling about general life stuff too which is always fun#I'm just so bad at being a productive member of society#literally we went to the city for a couple of hours yesterday and I was so fucking exhausted that I had to sleep for like 5 hours#ughh...#man I really need to fall asleep soon.#personal
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tomorrow is my first day back to work and I'm a lil nervous
I haven't been able to get anything written for here bc I've been trying to get a couple other things written (updating my Bill Cipher redemption fic and starting a Gyutaro x reader x Daki because I make poor life choices)
but I'm on light duty for a month, basically just sitting at the register checking people out, unable to do any stocking or anything bc I'm not allowed to lift anything over 15 pounds so I can't lift totes, bend much, or reach much, so I'm allowed to bring something to do in between customers... maybe I'll get some writing done? I feel as if I'll be slacking off bc that's how my brain works
but you know what, I kill myself for that store normally, I don't work full time simply because I can't afford medical insurance if I did, but even working only part time I give my all while I'm there, I'm not someone who slacks off. so if I'm healthfully and approvedly permitted to slack off and take it easy for a month, I guess I'll take it (... plus, I mean, I'll still be working, just light duty, it's not like I'll show up and get paid to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I'm still gonna be ringing out customers)
ANYWAY MY POINT IS-
get those last requests in! after I get home from work tomorrow, I'll be closing the askbox and won't open it back up till this batch is finished and I swear I mean that this time 😂
#mod post#should I have ordered Jessii Vee merch knowing I am not getting paid for two weeks bc I didn't work for two weeks ? maybe not#BUT DAMMIT THIS IS WHY I HAVE SAVINGS#'weirdness all the way ' button and YANA 'be kind' button and squishy pink gummi bear COME TO ME#... been uh. been doing a lot of impulse online shopping while I've been sitting at home bc idk it scratches a certain itch in my brain#and my mama has been nice enough to be buying most of my food when I usually buy my own just bc it's hard for me to walk around much rn#but I'm feeling a lot better physically I just get tired easily so hopefully I'm gonna be back to buying my own food soon#like I appreciate everything my mom and lil bro have been doing for me but MAN I don't like being UNABLE to do shit myself you know?#I took a shower this morning and it exhausted me and Mom had to be in there to help me the whole time in case I lost my balance or smth#it's better than it was the first week but I still hate feeling like I've temporarily lost some of my independence#I can't wait to shower by myself again and for it not to drain me#which is such a small thing to want and miss but like#OKAY TAG RANT OVER THIS RECOVERY IS JUST DRAGGING#I'm getting old tbh that's what it is I'm 30 and don't bounce back like I used to 😂😂😂😂
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I'm done, I did it, I published all of today's content
#its 4:30 and now im exhausted#ill go smoke weed early order boba and then when im back to having a brain code what i need to code#content creation is suffering
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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Happy Monday
I’m 🙂 grateful 🙂 all 🙂 the 🙂 fucking 🙂 time 🙂
#me#tbh I like the vibe of this album but I feel like I’m too old for it lol#this song is growing on me tho honestly might make it onto the menty b playlist#aaanyway was at the gym at 6:15 this morning and I’m exhausted#didn’t go to bed early enough for that shit#but I got my lifts done and finished w 1200 stairs by 7:30 so I feel pretty accomplished 😌#started a new program month w my trainer today - phase 5 bitches#who would have thought#he also asked me for my weight/inches lost so he could brag abt me to his other clients 🥹🥹🥹#he’s so proud and it was validating at just the right time#bc ur girl is tired and my brain is fighting me a bit#but I’m not fking stopping#wow talk about a tag rant lmao ily if you read all these#Spotify
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Remind me to draw more Papyrus stuff in regards to driving because. WOW I'VE HAD A FUCKING DAY AND I NEED HIM TO SWEAR AND SCREAM AND HAVE MURDEROUS INTENT IN HIS EYESSSSSSS
#Roddy rambles#Do I. have a rambling tag for posts like this on here????????#...I do now cause I NEED TO VENT#Cause earlier today I needed to pick up my partner's little brother#and I see this guy on my left at the fucking. turn thing where he'd turn into the lane I'm in?#and he stops! he stops and he's waiting#and I register that in my brain like yes ok cool no one's coming from there. And I look ahead of me and I glance to my passenger#And as I'm looking back my passenger SCREAMS because the guy on the left suddenly speeds up and cuts in front me#it's supposed to be a 20 zone and it's slick and I manage to stop but like. holy shit had I not seen him or had she not yelled#There would've been a wreck. It was my right of way but ok fine whatever we're ok I can shake that off! I'm grateful to be ok!#BUT THEN JUST EARLIER I HAD TO DROP TWO KIDS AT A FUCKING... PLANET FITNESS????#And as I'm driving on a like. 30-40 road I'm on the left side cause I need to turn at the light#And there's one car that's going the opposite way that needs to turn and go across the road? and there's another car-#-that is coming from my right that's trying to turn the other way. I dunno if I'm explaining this well but they're both trying to cross-#-over the lanes and in front of me#and the guy on the right goes and he has time to make it. but he doesn't#He suddenly stops IN FRONT OF ME BLOCKING MY LANE?????#Doesn't even pull into the spot where he can wait??? to get on the main road?????????????#And he finally fucking moves. BUT THE OTHER CAR DOES THE SAME FUCKING THING ARE YOU SERIOUS???????#Needless to say I am. exhausted I'm so fucking pissed I want to cry I want to scream. I want to laugh! Because I'm so happy nothing happene#But HOLY FUCK dude. FUCKING WHAT???? WHY DOES EVERYONE DRIVE SO FUCKING STUPID AFTER IT RAINS????????#IT WASN'T EVEN RAINING ANYMORE IT'S JUST A LITTLE WET FUCK
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inside you there are two wolves: one gives a fuck, the other doesn't give a fuck
#sage's diary#006#10/30/2024#(incredible timing on my mom's part to start texting me for the first time in a month right as i was about to make one of these)#october has really been kicking my ass mental health-wise good fucking god#maybe i really DO have seasonal depression idk#this whole month's just been a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts. its so exhausting#first it was the stressing about moving out soon. trying once again to get a job ontop of that (and failing of-fucking-course)#then all the dumb romantic feelings i was experiencing (and STILL struggling with)#and now im genuinely considering if i'd be happier if i was actually fully trans (or atleast just MORE masculine than i already sortof am??#when will i catch a fucking mental break man. my brain's already going 1mil mph a day anyways thanks to my ADHD i REALLY dont need more#uhghh whatever......... i have ace attorney to do soon i cant be worrying about this shit too much#save me talking to friends on discord...... save me....................
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Trigun Maximum 6
Skittles after the bookclub. SOON! I... need... to... catch... up. Soupy brain, do not leave me!
Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4 Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, 10.2, 10.3, 10.4, 10.5
1. The gunslinger
Aw, and it starts with Meryl having a nightmare. It was much for her. Not only did she have to confront Vash’ inhumanity in theory, but in practice, too. And that left marks. Btw @/pancake-breakfast was right, Zazie described the independent plants as bystanders, not themself.
The sheriff is such a nice guy :3 NOT! Ramming the door into Vash and not even apologising. I leave his talk with Marlon in the open, because we do not know either of them, maybe there is something behind it.
Yay, Wolfwood gets to eat in peace! Jokes aside, I take sharing food and such is one of Wolfwood’s love languages. He cares for other people. And Meryl is hit really hard with the downs. Depressive symptoms as a response to a trauma aren’t that unheard of. And she has dreams and flashbacks, too. It really hit her hard. ‘Til the dragon’s nest district, Meryl could ignore the whole Vash being nonhuman and the trouble that follows him and be innocently interested in him, now the reality hit her hard.
Wolfwood is just peak idiot. How come I remember him as this suave liar, when the only reason that people don’t know stuff around him is that they don’t pin him down. If he’d be more obvious, he’d be spelling stuff out. Heck, he is doing eurythmics the whole time. (It is the sunglasses and the suit…)
Also, Woowoo is wearing his sunglasses again. I just found something interesting today about sunglasses and Japan. *lemme find the link* Japanese people use the eyes to see what the other person is thinking, while westerners are more likely to get the info due to the mouth. I remember reading somewhere else, too, as a reason why the eyes in manga are often drawn so big compared to western media, because emotion is mostly told via the eyes.
And Wolfwood goes back to his roots of pushing people away for their own safety. He is not completely wrong and at least he talks to Meryl about it. Though, it can be read as a low blow that he mentions Milly. Because Meryl has someone she is responsible for! It is not just about herself. That’s something Wolfwood can relate to, but for him it forces him to stay. Would Wolfwood stay if he didn’t have to? If he could be sure that his orphanage and the planet would stay safe? I don’t know.
There is no real right or wrong here, but damn, they should include Milly in the talk, too! Babysteps. But at least now Meryl truly thinks about the danger she gets herself and Milly into. And that is important. Until now her decision to find and follow Vash was filled somewhat by naivete and ignoring the glaring danger signs around him. She got a reality check. While Vash is not evil, trouble follows him and it has hurt her now, too! It has hurt Milly. But what she does with the new outlook is her own decision! Wolfwood came to the conclusion that he needs to talk to the women on an equal level to get his point about saving yourself across. And he does so. FINALLY!
Alcohol as a means to cope with something. Something is eating good ol’ Marlon up. And it is the basis for his behaviour and why he despises that shooty-mc-tooty-sheriff.
Do you, sheriff? Do you keep the town safe? Or is it more your power fantasy. Eny green is an ugly colour. Manga is so much about show, don’t tell. And damn, we haven’t been shown anything about you protecting anyone.
I love how Meryl listens in and just immediately knows who the broom headed bastard is! Her reaction is cute! More of it! Vash truly is a trouble magnet!
“Consider guns delicate.” Vash is a gun.
Meryl knows the fear that comes with shooting someone. She wasn’t spared of the danger of this world. She had to protect herself in the past. And her reaction is just human. But what is moreso, her reminiscence is a way for her to feel sympathy for Vash. How must he feel with that gun of his, that was fired against his will/he fired with consequences he didn’t want, not only shooting but killing so many people. Meryl collapsed after one shot. (I’d be down, too, gurl.) I am not even sure if she killed her opponent. So she finds some understanding for Vash as a person. She finally starts to understand WHY he is the way he is. He is starting to become more than an interesting enigma.
Uh, nice that the evil guys want to rob the town for money to pay for their food and drinks. Down with the banks! Money to the small business owners!
Vash fires with his right arm. The arm that is the angel arm. I read it as Vash punishing himself, but also fighting to regain control over himself and his body. He “tames” his firepower into the gun he choses. He takes back control.
Such a nice responsible sheriff, keeping the town safe. :3 By attacking random dudes in the middle of the day.
I… can hear Brandon’s voice in my head. It is gorgeous. ;3
But, yeah, that’s kinda what it boils down to. Guns in and of itself aren’t pure evil. In experienced hands they can be used to protect, to feed people, hell, they can even be a sport. But they are also an idol for (masculine) power. And that attracts the kind of people that aren’t responsible enough to own a gun. Murdock is the kind of guy that would pull out his special made Marlon-Gun and accidentally shot someone. And that's why he doesn't deserve it.
I don’t see the problem here. That is Germany every new year’s eve.
Vash… VASH?! Are you sure it is a good move to abuse Wolfwood’s mistress and throw her aside afterwards?!
It kinda boils down to firepower on No-Man’s-Land. Would Vash even own a gun if he didn’t have to?
And poor Meryl. Her thoughts are purely about Vash, even after her flashbacks and her nightmares.
Is it, though? Vash’s pistol is as much a prosthetic as his left arm is. It isn’t his true power, it is far from it, but he is still able to act with it. Especially without worrying that he might accidentally kill someone. (However stupid that sounds)
Also, it?! The Punisher is a classy lady! To call her "It", the audacity! Next he calls Angelina II an it.
Yeah, sorry, Vash. Don’t take the emotional support machine gun cross from a priest. That never ends well.
2. Double team
I love this pic.
I am not entirely sure, but is Wolfwood sitting on explosives/gasoline? Because this kinda summarises Wolfwood’s situation. Can you truly relax while waiting for the bomb under your arse to explode?
Like he said in the chapter before! Tickin’ time bomb he is sitting on! Wolfwood is putting his life at risk and he knows it. He is just waiting for it to go off.
Wolfwood is in the darkness, looking into the light, the innocent, pure thing he protects by throwing himself into the darkness. From the positioning we could even think that Chapel is truly in the darkness and Wolfwood stands between Chapel and the orphanage. (I don’t think that Nightow wanted to say this, but as a European this reads very much: Church is dangerous for kids.)
Uh, remember that pic with the line up of the gun-ho-guns?
From Trigun Maximum 4 Chapter: Killer Horn Blues.
This isn’t Wolfy, this is the OG-Chapel. But that reads for me that it was an atmospheric line-up, since the other gun-ho-guns would have called Wolfwood out for being very not Chapel. Or they truly did not care, which… I do not think is that unwarranted of a thought?
And the Damocles’ sword is still hanging over Wolfwood’s head. He was able to protect the kid’s from one danger - Chapel/Church - but the other danger, the danger that awaited Wolfwood behind Chapel still prevails. Not only that, it is much more dangerous than Chapel himself. Wolfwood is ready to disappear from their lives to keep them safe, but whatever he does it is not enough. And he still tries under constant fear of failure, he confronts the danger. He is the orphanage’s protector, their last and only bastion.
And like always, Wolfwood’s nightmares are interrupted by sillies. But damn, I love his little: Fuck, I am in so much pain-face. I’ll keep the alcohol thingy for later in this volume.
I know in the panels between Wolfwood put a cigarette in his mouth. But I read it as appearing randomly to make him look cooler in this little confrontation.
But we get that next to no one of the Gun-Ho-Guns knows that Wolfwood is, well, Wolfwood. I mean, while Midvalley wasn’t surprised, it was Milly that spelled out Wolfwood’s true identity to him. And Knives… Didn’t even deem it important enough to tell Legato about the change of plans, why would he bother to share such a little detail about Wolfy? And as much as Knives does not really care for Legato’s position, he does not care for Wolfwood’s, either. Knives is mocking him. Wolfwood is his plaything. Nothing Wolfwood does truly matters. But it is a nice ego boost for Knives that Wolfwood is too “scared” to act against Knives’ wishes. Wolfwood knows, Zazie knows. Add insult to injury, even Zazie mocks Wolfwood about his stuck between a rock and a hard place position. Wolfwood doesn’t work for Knives of his free will, he knows what Knives’ plans are. It goes against everything Wolfwood cares for. Again, an I know, they know-situation. And Wolfwood does not lie to Zazie, he stops talking to them.
Namedrop: Eye of Michael! The church/cult Wolfwood is part of. Doesn’t sound like something normal, but the catholics have a way with weird names. Interestingly, why eye? Michael is known for his sword, for throwing Satan from heaven. Wouldn't the Sword/Arm of Michael be more fitting, especially since killing seems part of the cult? I mean, Wolfwood being an assassin AND a priest and learning stuff at the same time from different sources would be pretty weird. Michael is the patron of soldiers and honestly, what else is Wolfwood if not that? But back to the Eye-part. He keeps track of the actions and sins of humans, judges them when they die and is the judge on the Last Day. That would be more fitting for the eye part. (And not gonna lie, Wolfy is judgy, even if he means well/projects his insecurities hard.)
And another thing, Wolfwood has uncanny senses. Not Vash’ level, but they are definitely not human.
OOF! Big faux pax, Zazie. No one wants to be compared to Legato. *starts to write a comparison for this in a few volumes* *coughs*
What exactly is that plant aura stuff? Vash accidentally uses it when Home happened and it seemed like he was projecting his inner grief outwards. But Knives does not seem scared here. Which begs the question what is happening here? Is Knives able to project what he wants because he has more control over his plantiness? Or is Knives truly scared but Wolfwood’s own memory is distorted since he was affected by the projection? Or a secret third thing, like plants constantly emit such feelings of uncanniness due to their power and it takes experience to suppress it and Knives just does not care to do so? I think @/needle-noggins had an interesting theory about that, but I really do not know. This is too wishy-washy for me. :C
Vash, the weapon of mass destruction. The hole in the moon as a reminder. Not only that, the hole in the moon is Wolfwood’s first experience with Vash’ inhumanity. Can even a well-meaning weapon of mass destruction cause something other than the aforementioned mass-destruction?
I love how Nightow sometimes draws a face with two different emotions. Vash is so sad and also incredibly peaceful at the same time. Is he sad for another betrayal? Or does he feel with Wolfwood who is in emotional turmoil right now? Is he peaceful because he trusts Wolfwood not to shoot? Or that he accepts his death at Wolfwood’s hand? After splitting the face up, I am at least sure of one thing. Vash is aware, but he would not dodge. Not for the position Wolfwood starts to take in Vash’ life, but that may part of it, Vash has just remembered July and he is not coping at all.
For fuck’s sake, don’t avoid talking to each other! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Just MOOD. That was me today when I put something away and caused a chain reaction that made a selfmade bowl land on my foot and then shatter.
Is… is he called Godot because they waited for him?
Not only that, guys… So much about the play is about waiting and not acting on your own impulse. Both Wolfwood and Vash are waiting for the other to take a step, to talk about it, about Knives, about everything! But both are doing nothing on their own. They hint or do verbal eurhythmics like Wolfwood, but in the end it boils down to the other acting on the hints. They wait for the other, but the other never comes. From their perspective, they are the people waiting for Godot, but they are each other's Godot at the same time. Godot never comes. The play “Waiting for Godot” ends with the people continuing to wait for Godot. This is an omen and it hurts me so muhuhuhuhuhuch. Or it is not an omen, since what follows is the fight scene where they get each other without talking and, well, Godot literally came.
This page. It kinda drives home WHO Wolfwood truly is. We already had a taste in the Midvalley fight, when Wolfwood used the cross to protect Milly. But the scene was used to stress how inhuman Wolfwood’s abilities are. Yes, Nightow also put focus on Wolfwood shielding Milly, but what Midvalley got from it was that even blinded and hurt, Wolfwood is aware of everyone’s position. Here, the cross that we saw used mostly as a weapon is used for what Wolfwood truly wants. Wolfwood doesn’t want to kill or hurt people. He is all about protecting close ones. While especially the orphanage, it does not count out other people he considers close or important.
Chekhov's table!
How can you not love this? They are so very aware of their different strengths and how to use them effectively. Are they in sync? I think they are starting to get there. Both are very aware where people are positioned and both know that the other can do their task successfully. The realisation that they were in sync dawned, I think at least Wolfwood, afterwards.
But IS Vash aware of Wolfwood’s inner struggles? He looks confused here. Does Vash understand how other people perceive their surroundings? How they did something not very human right now?
I think it is cute that Wolfwood calls himself by his forename here. Though the whole people calling Wolfwood Wolfwood may be because of the difference between Japanese and English? Japanese people use the surname to talk to people they don’t know well. The forename is for close friends, if I recall it correctly. But that is something, someone with more understanding of the different culture should look into!
With many siblings you learn to sleep tight! Poor Meryl, another night not slept well.
3. CrossxAssassins
Legato, you really do not understand how much Knives revolves around Vash.
But yeah, Legato started to go crazy after Knives squished him. Big surprise. Legato built himself a world where only he would gain Knives’ attention and then it was utterly squished by Knives himself. But he cannot fault Knives for that, since Knives is perfect. So Vash is the problem. And the other GUn-Ho-Guns are lesser than him. But did Legato not get a number because he is so much better or because he does not even count? Or maybe he is irreplaceable?
That’s what you get for working with suicidal men, Elendira!
But jokes aside, I want to know more about Elendira. We do not even get bits! Is she jealous because Legato seems closer to Knives? Close enough to be numberless? What is her relation to Knives? He deems her trustworthy, that’s for sure. And she isn’t miffed for not getting the whole picture like Legato who is slowly breaking apart from it.
If Legato was truly so devoted, he wouldn’t stray from his idol’s path. But here he is, deeming people worthy and unworthy and using Knives’ army for his very own gain. Legato’s devotion devolved into an obsession. He thinks he knows better what Knives wants than Knives himself. (And ironically, both are wrong!)
Motherfucking evil Didney queen bitch arse castle!
Vials? Vials! Also, I FINALLY GOT WHO THIS CLAMP-MF REMINDS ME OFF! Suzaku Kururugi from Code Geass. Now I can rest.
Such a healthy mindset!
I… laughed tears. He just goes BOOMF! But his head... His head is so tiny!
So, the Eye of Michael is Knives’ personal cult and bootlickers. No wonder the guy has an inflated ego, if he has a whole cult devoted to him. Neither Vash nor their sisters have them around, so it is Knives' cult, not a plant cult.
I love how the chapter hints that Clamp-boy and… cowboy-devil are the missing EoMs, but then JINKS! NOPE!
IS THERE ANYTHING NORMAL ABOUT LEGATO?! This reminds me so much of that one dude in HunterxHunter.
But, yeah, nice of you to store your weird little play coins in your mouth! I’d love to take them from your tongue and stash them in my belongings for your little private death game.
#trigunbookclub#trigun#trigun maximum#trigun bookclub#Vol.6.1#Trimax 6.1#oh wow#I breached 30 pics in one post#chibi woowoo will be the death of me#his exhausted faces are the best#my soupy brain left me#trigun rant#zard rant
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fun fact once youve worked at a daycare/preschool the instincts it gives you never leave. i hear a baby crying and my brain muscle memories me into standing up until i can stop and remind myself that most people understandably do not want a stranger to walk over and pick up and soothe their infant. not my job anymore.
#one time like 15 mins after a 8 hr shift i was in my fav clothing store and a baby an aisle over began to sob and i walked over#and just stood beside the pram and stared at the baby while the cogs turned in my brain and the mother was like ''????'' until i went#''i worked at a early childhood center for 8 hours today im so sorry'' and she was like '' OH LMAO its fine hes been fussy all day#i'd apprecaite any help'' and so i just stood there and talked to the baby for 5 minutes#and the shock of having a new face hovering over him exercising his legs made him stop crying and stare#similarly i spent 30 minutes playing with a 8 month old exercising his arms and legs and tickling his tummy and talking#while his poor exhausted mother who was trying to fill out citizenship forms at the library got a moments peace#she vented that she'd just moved over with her husband and he was working all the time so it was just her and bubs here#in this strange new country. and thats a lot for a new mum not having extra family around to help. i remember she asked if i would be up#to babysit for pay and i reffered her to one of my old coworkers i really hope she found someone#that baby was so cute but SO LOUD he was VERY active for his age lots of kicking and squirming and endless energy#little mans is going to be a terror when he reaches his twos
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im soooo overwhelmed and kind of had a breakdown c:
#today was. really really really long#from 6:30 until literally an hour ago (11PM) I have been On The Go#my backpack weighs so fucking much bc I have to haul my laptop + physical notebooks around. had to walk a few blocka#for a bus that had no sitting room#and had an old guy be. weird and gross and got triggered on the bus#then class until I had to bus home then running errands and then hours of homework and course prep and then making food#and I got ONE episode of the show my wife and I watch#and now I have to go to bed :)#bad!!!! im exhausted and my brain is fried and im in pain and im sober stillllll
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