#30 mins turned into 2 hours how did this happen

[crystallizsch]

💜: Heh. Tired, Vice Housewarden?

💜: Are you alright?

🐍: I’m fine.

💜: That sounds super convincing.

🐍: …..

💜: …Okay, I’m serious. Do you need to—

🐍: Be quiet.

💜: Huh?

🐍: I want to stay like this for now… Please.

💜: *sigh* …Whatever you wish~

(old bonus: his charging station)

[tiyanasfantasy]

He’s Mine ❦.

wussupp 😼!

i’m bored and i was watching this tiktok and it had this sound and i wanted to write something for it soo, yea

im still getting used to writing again so don’t expect nothing too good, ALSO TY FOR THE LOVE ON MY LAST POST 🥹!

i jus wan 👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽..

EREN x Blackfem!Reader ❦.

Warnings: Language, not proofread,Yall a lil toxic,

enjoy ❦.

you and connie broke up everyday, this was nothing new.

y’all had got into an argument today because some girl had responded to his story on instagram saying “#NeedThat” and this boy thought it was funny and started entertaining it, even tho he was mostly trolling and you and him both know he’d never cheat it still made you mad cause… wtfk??

“bro yn you overreacting, you know ion want that btc, you actin like i was asking her on a date or sum shii, ian even say nothing that indicated i wanted her.” he said while he was waving the phone around in your face trying to show you he had blocked her.

“ion gaf bout you blocking her, why tfk you texting her back and entertaining her anyways?? you know how embarrassing ts is for me?”

eren lowk knew he was wrong and that he should just give in and tell you he’s sorry, but the nga so stubborn and sassy that he just had to win the argument.

“you know what yn, ionc no more you wanna be mad, be mad, im tired of yo shii.”

he walked over to the dresser and put on a shirt, then grabbed his keys and started walking towards the front door.

“so you just leaving ? like you always do when you know you wrong, it’s not that fucking hard to apologize instead of acting like a lil btc about it.”

one thing about eren, he don’t play that b wrd shii.

he turned around and looked at you (he was muggin real hard 2)

“bro, keep running yo fkin mouth, see what happen” idk who he was feelin like, but he was pointing all in yo face n shii.

“boy you better gtf outta my face”

he scoffed and started walking to the door again, before he left out he said “we done” you rolled your eyes and said “type shii”

like i said before, this wasn’t nothing new. you knew he was gone be back in the next 24 hours (or less)

time skip: 4 hours later, it’s 8:30.

eren was at a party (hoin, ofc) and you seen on his story that he out was showin out?? he had girls dancing all on him and shii, ouu girll.

so ofc, you bein you, had to show him how to really act bad. you fixed yo hair, made sure the lace was melted honey, did yo makeup and got dressed, you called sasha, mikasa, zar, and jatavia and told them what the move was.

when yall got to the party, first thing you see, this ho ass boy getting twerked on, you ain’t really care tho, he wasn’t really touching her so you didn’t mind that bad, but that was still yo nga so it pyo a little bit, but once again, you bein you, you went yo to jean and started throwin downnn.

Jatavia started laughing “Girl he gone getcho lil ass” “he doin the the shit, idc.”

girl lemme tell you, when eren looked up and seen ts he was ready to crash out damn near, but him, bein the sassy lil princess he is, had to 1 up you.

he grabbed this this girl byyyy her neck and kissed her??? not only that he was making eye contact with you while he did it.

then then he pulled away from the kiss and lead the ho out the door ..

ts blew yo whole mood, but you didn’t let it show ofc, you left the party like 20 mins later tho.

the next day

you were getting ready to go to another party ony was throwing, you and Jatavia were getting ready to meet sasha, mikasa, and zar there.

15 minutes later yall get there, yall having a good time, you really only went out tn to get yesterdays events out of your head.

sure yall not together “technically” and eren could do what he wanted but that’s wasn’t the point. it’s the principle of the situation.

after dancing for a bit you went into the kitchen to get something to drink, when you walked in you seen Eren, Armin, Connie, Ony, and Jean passing the splif around.

“hey yn” connie said nodding his head up at you smirking as he looked back and forth between you and eren.

“don’t piss me off rn” you said while you were digging through the fridge. “ony where all yo good drinks at damn?” you pulled a capri sun out then leaned again the fridge.

“fuck is you staring at” you looked at eren and mugged him when you seen him staring at you.

“i’m sorry ma, you straight?” you rolled your eyes “you kissed that ho infront me and everybody else, then proceeded to take the bitch hand and go somewhere and fuck her? you dead to me.”

Ony, Armin, Jean and Connie was sitting there being messy sayin shii like “he said her shii was trash” “he miss you tho” “ok but he diddd say sorry”

“first off” he walked in front of you, leaning on the island.

“i didn’t touch her, i was just doin that to get a reaction out of you, then you was twerking on jean??”

“only cause you was letting that bitch twerk on you”

as you were talking, that same lil ho walked into the kitchen.

“girl you just mad i took yo nga, everytime yall into it he be with me, beating shii down.” she stood next to eren and crossed her arms, you looked at him with that “dpmo” look then back at her.

“ma, she lyin i swear, only thing i ever did with her was kiss, and i only did it once, which was yesterday.” eren said while moving away from her and going next to you.

the girl rolled her eyes “you just gone sit there and lie?, tell her the truth.”

(this story alr corny but here come the cornier part 😂)

before eren could defend himself you spoke up…

“He might be doing you, but he's thinkin' about me so, baby, think about another lover, and go find another brother”

then here go connie “Period sis, clock it.”

the girl rolled her eyes “girl boo, that’s not yo nga. he fa me.”

“I know he's my man, he's all in my hands, It feels good when he calls my name, Don't you wish you had the same? Feeling disgust working your stuff 'Til he thinks about mine, Now he's feeling real high, You ask why? cause he's mine.”

she was getting a lil mad too, then connie and them in the back being messy tb “she clocking you boo” lil sassy tails. then eren just sitting there laughing at them.

“that’s not what he saying last not tho. “ooo to shii so fye, the bets i ever had.” he love me suh, i love him too.” she said with a petty smile on her face.

erens eyes widen at this, this was really delusional?? “nihh wtfk?? on everything i love i wasn’t witchu last night, after i took you outside i got in my car, by myself, and went to connie shii.”

“Tell you something that just ain't cool, Never fall in love with a man who don't love you, oh, I wouldn't waste my time telling you something wrong,You've been with him one night, and now he's coming home.”

connie:”I know that’s right”

He's mine, you may have had him once, But I got him all the time, Went out on a date, wasn't out too late, Took you to a room, and you gave it up too soon, Played you like a trick 'cause you let him hit, Now he's coming home to a lover that is strong, I got all his love, baby, don't try to take it, You wanted a piece, you were mistaken, 'Cause he belongs to me, Baby, can't you see?

eren pulled in you for a kiss making eye contact with the girl, “i’m sorry ma, shoulda never did that. i love you.” the girl shook her head and walked away.

“you fucked her eren?” he sucked his teeth “you know ian fuck her, this to dck, i promise ian touch her.”

you looked up at him, you know he didn’t do nothing with her. you pecked his lips.

“let’s go home.”

YALL this so cornyyy wtf 😭… also i rushed the end cause i got bored + i ran out of ideas so sorry if it seemed rushed or youn like it .

but ty for reading!

gimme some requests on some songs yall wanttt !!

bye bye

kisses 💋. gn ilyy ❦.

[physics-of-one-piece]

Doflamingo's Day Trip to Punk Hazard

Clear the way. The King of Dressrosa is leaving the royal palace in a flair of absolute style for urgent business on Punk Hazard.

Better hold onto his coat for dear life, because this man is FAST. I recommend wrapping your arms around his neck, I would not trust that coat regardless of how it sticks to him. His arms aren’t in his sleeves, that is a death game I do not want to play. So, arms around his neck. Take a nice little inhale of his royal cologne probably worth more than your civilian life if you’re feeling brave. Maybe nuzzle into him, get comfy, you know. It’s gonna be a trip. You won't have the time to breathe. At least the view will be nice, both at the sea and the... Pilot.

Okay. Ready? (Dear God, look at the size of his shadow, holy hell)

Go!

AND HE’S OFF!

Welcome to Doffy's Physics Lab. Let’s calculate how fast Doflamingo flew from Dressrosa to Punk Hazard.

Things to note:

1) The One Piece world is much bigger than Earth. It’s not possible to calculate how big it is. 100 times big is too big, two times big is too small, but Oda put the bottom of the sea at 10km, which is the same as the depth of the Earth’s sea. See the confusion?

2) Law slowed him down by giving him the ultimatum and taking Buffalo & Baby 5 hostage and no clouds.

First, we need the distance.

We can calculate the distance from Punk Hazard to Dressrosa using the SAD tanker. It’s mentioned in the manga it takes a day to reach Dressrosa by ship from Punk Hazard, so that’s 24 hours. A cargo ship goes 25 knots per hour. 

nautical miles = 25 knots • 24 hours

= 600 nautical miles

We need to turn them into kilometers. 

1 nautical mile = 1.852 kilometers

kilometers = 600 • 1.852 kilometers = 1111,2 km ~ 1111 km

Keep in mind, the One Piece world is bigger than ours. This can be considered a short distance for them, but long distance for us. For real life example, London and Berlin are 1,100 km away from each other. The flight takes 1 hour 40 minutes by plane.

Next, we need time. Some people will hate that I use anime time, but for Punk Hazard, it isn't that big of a stretch to use it as a guide. Also, the fact the Straw Hats had a party and ate makes me think there was no way they were at the coast for a full hour before setting sail. Nuh-uh. They'd be sliced if they had stayed that long. But I'm also aware real-time probably happened faster such as a fight, so we're gonna cut the time of the ep where Nami & Usopp beat Baby 5 & Buffalo in half.

Doflamingo set off to Dressrosa at Ep 620, landed on PH in Ep 624. If we go and calculate when he made it to Punk Hazard by making it 18 minutes for each ep (counting 11 mins of 624, half-cutting 621, and counting only last minute of 620), it would be under an hour. That’s already awesome. He’s one of the fastest fliers in the series.

Let’s first focus on those 2 last minutes of Episode 620. 

At 21:25, he leaves the royal palace. At 22:23, he is already over the sea. That’s 58 seconds it takes him to cross over Dressrosa. Thankfully, the fandom did the size of Dressrosa already. 

The diameter of Dressrosa is 50 kilometers. The area is 1,960km². 

That is not even the size of Madrid (Madrid is smaller). So, he’d fly across Madrid like NOTHING.

To put Dressrosa as a comparison with the real world, it is the size of Kuiu, an island in Alaska in United States.

Here it is. It’s a shame Kuiu is so thin, but the length isn’t a bad thing to have. That’s what we need. Length.

Okay, the royal palace is at the center of Dressrosa. That means we go 50÷2 to get the radius.

That’s 25 km. Not meters. Kilometers. 

Okay, so, I mentioned Madrid. Do you all want to know the  area and diameter of Madrid, the capital of Spain, the biggest city in Spain? 

😁😁

It’s 606 km². The diameter is 27 km. The radius is 13.5 km. He’d cross all over Madrid within 30 seconds maybe.

🙂🙂

(Screams)

Haha. Ha. 

If anyone wants to know, Dressrosa is, thankfully, NOT bigger than Spain. Spain is 500 times bigger than Dressrosa. 

All right, let’s calculate how fast Doflamingo is moving to get from Dressrosa and already be out at sea within 58 seconds. We’ll add about a kilometer so the sea is the only thing beneath him as shown in the anime.

We’re using the simplest formula here.

speed = distance/time

We’ll put distance into meters because we have seconds here, not hours.

26 km = 26,000 m

speed = 26,000 m/58 seconds

speed = 448,27 m/s (1470 feet/s)

Let’s convert it to km/h

448,27 m/s • 3.6 = 1614 km/h (1002 mph)

Hahaha, holy FUCKING SHIT. That's jet speed.

I TOLD YOU, HANG ONTO THAT COAT FOR DEAR LIFE, I TOLD YOU.

Dressrosa to Sea = 1614 km/h (1002 mph)

Okay, he broke the sound barrier. If anyone wants to know, you break the sound barrier after your speed passes 1239 km/h (770 mph).

He covers 26 km within 58 seconds at 1614 km/h speed. He covers 448 meters per second. He is moving at jet speed here.

Okay, now comes the Sea to Punk Hazard. Doflamingo has cleared 26 km of the 1111 km so that leaves him with 1085 km to cross.

Here are the minutes. We now won’t count the 2 minutes from 620 because he passed that area.

9(split in half bcs of the fight)+18+18+11= 56 minutes

speed = distance/time = d/t

Speed = 1085 km/0.933 h

Doflamingo’s Speed = 1162 km/h (722 mph)

And there we go, he was flying at 1162 km/h.

Not breaking the sound barrier but it makes sense by what the anime showed.

One thing to note is this includes him saving Buffalo & Baby 5 at a point where Law made sure behind where they came from there are no clouds for Doflamingo to use. He loses about 4 minutes with Law blackmailing him and then he has to take a detour which takes him 11 minutes. We can’t know whether the Straw Hats talking at the Sunny was happening at the same time as Doflamingo landing at Punk Hazard, so we’ll give him those 11 minutes because there are no clouds.

That’s 15 minutes he loses, which makes it 41 minutes. Without Law interfering and the clouds not being there, he would have arrived at Punk Hazard within 41 minutes.

So let’s calculate that.

41 minutes= 0.683 hours

1085 km/0.683h

His full speed without being slowed down by his adopted nephew blackmailing him and kidnapping his scientist to destroy his entire business would then be:

Full Speed (without being slowed down) = 1588 km/h (987 mph)

That's 441 meters per second. That’s four soccer fields he crosses within a second.

Damn. And that’s his casual speed. Broke the sound barrier again.

He is faster than a plane, planes go 600-800 km/h. 

To put into perspective just how fast he is even at that speed, a car takes 10 hrs at the distance (From Berlin to Slovenia) of 1,090km. He literally crosses the length of entire Europe within 56 minutes based on anime time. And that’s him slowed down, according to anime time. The fastest flight from Berlin to Slovenia (1,091km distance) takes 3 hours by plane.

When he found Buffalo & Baby 5, they were away from Punk Hazard. This is important cus he got angry then. That means he SPED up.

So, now we have his descent speed to cover. You know, when he lands like a boss. Yeah, that.

Doflamingo’s Descent Speed

Okay, Doflamingo wears bright colours (white, pink, vermillion) the dominant colours are white and pink. From the front, you’d see about 40% of white and 60% of pink bcs of the way his coat hangs on his shoulders, it makes him look even bigger when he is big enough already like dear God, this man gave me heart attacks 90% of the time.

Why are his clothes important? Because of the sunlight reflecting off his clothes, therefore creating the reflection that causes the marines to see him as a spark, like a star in the daylight. The brighter the clothes, the more reflection which has a possibility of creating the spark in the sky (again, the sparks in the sky are caused by the object shining or you know, being ON FIRE bcs it’s falling down the atmosphere)

We’ll put his magnitude to +10. Humans can see the faintest star when its magnitude is +6. The more negative the magnitude, the brighter sth is. The Sun has the magnitude of -26. Magnitude isn’t important, though, except…

This means we can only see him coming when it’s too late. The anime showed this as a star gleam which I understand, to show just how FAST he is coming. They showed it in daylight, daylight has apparent magnitude of -26. This is a known thing, but when you see something like that, where there is that bright of a spark in the sky and next second it lands in front of you… its speed is 360,000 km/h. He is the only warlord you can see coming at you BECAUSE he wears bright clothes. Is that good or bad? Who knows. 

Doflamingo seems to first be flying at 20ish degrees downward toward the shore, but in the last moment (ten meter from the ground or less) he makes his approach a full horizontal one, because he whooshes past the marines in a full horizontal, linear direction and then does that epic landing.

For now we’ll focus on the descent speed, which includes his linear speed when he whooshes past the marines (in the anime when he whooshes past them he is not visible to them, he leaves blurs). 

I don’t want to fuck with curves. There’ll be tangents and there’s no need for them. I don’t think his strings even let him make a curved downward descent? He can do curves turns, but I don’t think he can do descents? It’s up for debate.

Okay, so let’s say Doflamingo is about 100 meters high in the sky. He reaches the ground within 0.05 seconds in the anime. Not even 1 full second, oh boy, fluffy man is FAST, GODDAMN. My eyes just bulged out of my head. Okay. Props to the anime team, that is a great show of his speed right there by making it last such a short time. 

Also, they never see him completely until he lands. We, the viewer see him, which means he is at maximum 4.8 km away (this is how far the human eye can see).

That means Doflamingo passes 4.8 km within 0.05 seconds.

I’m scared to calculate this, to be honest. This will be… this will be fast.

Let’s convert kilometers into meters to make our life easier. We get m/s and then we’ll convert them to km/h.

Buckle up. Keep a death grip on those feathers. Doflamingo hasn’t landed yet.

4.8 • 1000 = 4800 meters

descent speed = 4800 m/ 0.05 s

Descent speed (m/s)= 96 000 m/s (314 960 feet/s)

And into kilometers

Descent speed = 356,600 km/h (221 580 mph)

O.O

Holy fuck.

Yeah, crazy fast. You know, it makes sense now why G2 Luffy (who we’ll put moves at 2,400 km/h based on jet speed) was nothing in terms of speed. Damn.

Okay, so… this speed has not been achieved by any atmospheric or orbital aircraft, so I genuinely have nothing to compare it to. This is the velocity of objects in deep space like gravitational slingshots.

Okay, let’s put it into Machs. Fastest Mach we know of is Mach 30. Okay.

Formula is:

Mach number = speed of the object/speed of sound

Speed of sound is 343 m/s.

Mach number = 96 000/342

Mach number= 279.3 Mach

Doflamingo’s descent speed is Mach 279.3

No wonder he’s a blur. No wonder they only see him as a fckn spark in the sky. 

He didn't simply break the sound barrier here, he left the sound barrier at the bottom of the sea.

And he’s landed.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m getting off this 3 meter ride. Yep. Hopping down. It was fun. The coat is really soft.

Thank you for the ride, Doffy. Please go 50 km/h next time.

Taglist: @fanaticsnail

(Let me know if you want me to tag you in my posts and if you want to be tagged only for particular characters, let me know that, too. Thank you all for the love and support, it's really taken me off guard. You're all so wonderful. Love you all ❤️)

[eyecan02]

What I Feel Should Be Included in BJ3

1.) We need to go back to the original film's roots. The first BJ film was practically a "bottle" film where the film mostly took place inside the Deetz home. I feel the story needs to come full circle by having the story mainly within that house again.

2.) The model town also has to make a return. The last time the model was mentioned, Lydia wanted to chop it up and burn it, but seeing as we never see the board onscreen again, I think it's safe to assume Lydia just simply boarded up the the attic door once more.

3.) The return of Juno or introduce a Juno-like character. I know the original Juno actress passed on, but one option could be to recast and greatly alter the appearance like what they did with Charles but a lot less mangled. Some backstory on her and BJ's dynamic/specifics on his curse could be interesting.

4.) They need to make it harder this time to banish Beetlejuice. They need to even the playing field, and throw in a curve ball for Lydia where she can't just simply say his name 3 times to send him away. Maybe Beetlejuice can somehow find an object that causes confusion/makes you forget like the Rememberball (sp?) from Harry Potter.

5.) I know Keaton was against a lot of BJ screen time, but since this is the final installment, I think if they evenly spread out a couple minutes of him here and there, it won't ruin the "magic". Random example but Chris Hemsworth only had like 30 min of screen time in the first Avengers film, but it definitely feels like he's onscreen more. Not saying there should be an hour worth of Beetlejuice screen time but maybe 30-35 of screen time spread out could work.

6.) If Lydia is going to willingly marry BJ this time then the two of them need to TALK more in part 3. This time around they can talk about how BJ fell for her, what he likes about her, about Lydia's anxieties, her being at a crossroads with her show being over, making Astrid a priority, BJ cheering her up, making her laugh, BJ also sharing personal stuff and scaring off Astrid's bullies.

7.) Exploring BJ and Lydia's psychic connection. This time she can project herself to him if she needs to, and he's able to temporarily share his powers with her. Maybe a scene of Lydia possessing BJ to dance as payback, but it ends up leading to a playful and energetic dance number where they both end up having fun together.

8.) Delores and BJ somehow switch places where she gets his curse where if you say her name 3 times she gets summoned/banished and gets locked up in BJs old grave. Beetlejuice is now the new "soul sucker" who turns to Rory and says, "I'm taking back every last shred of Lydia you took from her." and proceeds to suck out his soul, burp and says he tastes like shit. Beetlejuice raises his hand and pressed it against Lydia's, essentially returning the stolen "energy" her toxic ex bf took from her.

9.) The wedding actually happens this time at the Deetz home because third times the charm, and because BJ losing a third time is boring and predictable. BUT there's a curveball: Beetlejuice can't leave the house until he can find someone to pass his "soul sucking" powers to (since it would be dangerous for a mortal to be walking around freely with that kind of ability).

BJ is irritated by the turn of events, but says he finally got his bride and promises someday he'll take Lydia to Hawaii for their honeymoon but in the mean time they can get plenty of practice for their honeymoon in their home. XD He then gives Astrid some money to "scram" and go to the movies to give them some privacy and to "come back after the cigarettes part". Then proceeds to carry Lydia up the stairs bridal style.

What do you guys think of my ideas? What kind of stuff do you think is essential for a BJ3 film?

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in: May 14, 2024 🎀

Tuesday was a slow day turned long day. I was supposed to go into work from 10 to 2 and then they asked me to stay for the night shift so I needed up working 10 to 7:30, with an hour break. So my 4 hour shift turned into an 8.5 hour shift. I was so tired when I got home last night that I showered, did skincare, and fell asleep.

🩷 What I Accomplished

completed a 7 min abs workout video, an 8 min ans and arms video (did not like it), and half of a 5 min abs video. so about 17 minutes of a workout overall.

read and annotated like, 3 or 4 pages of Atmoic Habits

had a really yummy "snack box" breakfast (it was 41 grams of protein and uggghh so yummy)

did my morning journal and morning skincare

walked over 11k steps (I didn't check the exact number but my watch notified me)

worked an ~8.5 hour shift

did my full night skincare routine

💞 Good Things That Happened

checked my final grades and I passed my classes with all A's! This is the first spring semester I've ever done that!

my GPA also went up a little bit so that's exciting!

I tried some of the potatoes they were serving at my work in the evening, and they were so delicious

my dad told me he was so proud of me for how hard I worked and my grades this last semester, I could've cried

💗 Stuff For Wednesday

study Spanish!!! I have an italki lesson on Tuesday the 21st at 9am so I need to get on my study grind!!

read and annotate Atomic Habits a little bit

wash my comforter and other blanket

wash my laundry and put away

finally cook my meal prep dinner (chicken, mashed potatoes, and brocooli!)

perhaps attempt to bleach/dye my hair again (I tried on Sunday and the bleach didn't do much so I need to do it again, I'm trying to dye parts of my hair pink at the moment)

do my morning + night skincare

I woke up sore today (wednesday), which I think is partially due to the 8 min abs and arm workout that I did not enjoy. Like it's a more painful kind of sore, so yeah, taking that video out of my rotation.

💕 Song of The Day: NewJeans - Super Shy

I love summer time kpop music. that super girly, feminine summertime bops are everything!! I should make a summer vibes playlist omg.

til next time lovelies 🩷

[confusedacenb]

Weird rant time but I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

So .. Ghosts (US) version there is a lot of hate on Sam's character some people because they find her too toxic in there perspective, some cause they just don't particularly vibe with the character and writing, and lastly misogyny (or at least hating on a female character for feminine qualities but to shorten it ya know).

But like idk maybe it's cause I've been on the outside of pretty toxic relationships that my siblings were in and one myself, Sam does not seem like this super evil toxic manipulative character that at least the hate I've seen of her seems to portray.

Like yeah lying to your partner is shitty but like they both have done it numerous times with each other. And like I get Jay not having privacy with the Ghosts or having to walk on eggshells because of said ghosts but like that's not necessarily Sam's fault? Like in the first seasons she was definitely slower to adapt and warn Jay when a ghost has interrupted their private conversation but it the later seasons she's quicker to inform him. Also like someone mentioned that Jay deals with constant psychological warfare from the ghosts which can get tiresome but only really seems to annoy him from what he's stated when they write on the bathroom mirror (Trevor) text his sister (Trevor again) and also not to mention the various other ghosts abilities besides that he doesn't really deal with the ghosts and he can have a break and peace from the ghosts as he does not have to see or hear them. For example literally every one episode in each season where Jay and Sam have alone time they have to either literally leave the house or bribe one of the other ghosts to get alone time. Season 1 literally the first two episodes where the Ghosts plan was to literally drive Sam insane until she acknowledged them. Which seems to be their go to plan whenever Sam tries to get any quiet time or personal work done, or business work done, or again anytime to herself.

Also I just want it known that there are things that I believe Sam went too far on (the DND episode, and the dream episode). The dream thing being the worst of the two and honestly can't defend her on that one it was fucked up. But the DnD one (firstly it would be boring if you and your partner were a hundred percent into the same stuff at the same level, being able to have differing opinions and perspectives should open way to conversation not keep shit gatekept if you don't love it the same way as another person) yeah she lied and said the ghosts didn't want to and the writers did great story telling by showing us all the way into the climax Jay's side and how lonely he is (giving the audience an inside into Jay's perspective of things which they do a lot of great work with Show versus Tell when it comes to Jay's perspective) then the whole thing with Isaac and Nigel happens and what does she do she turns to Jay gives him a good reason to bring D&D back out after admitting she hates it and furthermore what happens after they resolve the conflict she tells Jay to keep going and when he asks her if she's sure he admits that he too faked shit to do with her and that now it's basically fair (at least that what it seemed like that tried to joke).

Also again massive D&D nerd, um y'all understand how long D&D takes and they had what like 4/5 ghosts at the table and we'd assume that one of the ghost D&D sessions takes about 2-4 hours like damn I feel bad for girls throat (also, talking and acting as characters takes a lot of energy and add onto that of being expected by the ghost to give the correct information told)(as a dm voicing more than two characters is a nightmare as it's literally 30 mins. Of racking your brain and going 'okay so and so says this 'line') like shitty to lie but understandable from this perspective and they resolved it in a day and most importantly Sam apologized and her behavior notably changed (at least I don't remember her actively dismissing D&D anymore, she now more reacts with adoration at her husband getting passionate and has more understanding of his interests) I'm sorry but who the hell would willingly voice that many characters for that long just to be manipulative?

Sam almost (and I say almost) never makes the same mistake twice she takes accountability (even for shit that she really should not be taking accountability as seen in cases like Sass not wanting his tree cut down or when the puritan ghost poured blood down the wall (to which they all were afraid of the puritan ghost except for Jay at the end). At most I guess she could be labeled as whiny(?) but personally I always saw it as more so she takes every mistake she makes the same way which what I mean is that when she makes a mistake and it gets pointed out to her, she genuinely feels like the worst person (which makes sense considering her mom and the fact that her dad wasn't in her life) but she's not saying she's the worst to be manipulative or for people to feel bad for her, at least given from her actions and such she genuinely seems to see herself worse than others see her.

[kcalsforhim]

wednesday 20 november 2024 - 𐙚 ˚🍰 ⋆｡˚⊹❀˖°

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

cals : 706 steps : 2.1 k

this day was the worst day in a long time. i felt sickly extremely sickly, i felt weak, everytime i got up to pee i would get lightheaded and my vision turned black lol, but i didnt care. i avoided my parents all day and basically slept allll day long. i had no energy to get steps i just couldnt so i laid around all day. at around 8-9 pm i dont remember my mom DRAGGED me out of bed so i could break my fast 3 hours early, but if that did not happen i would have for sure made it. i had no chance to take a picture but i do remember what i ate.

contained : a big portion of spinach, some potato mash and 2 small pieces of white fish. i also had the coconut chocoballs

about 15-30 mins after breaking my fast i felt better and i did not feel sick anymore. ever since that happened, ive kind of been in "binge recovery" where essentially im just allowing myself to just, take it easy as long as i dont fucking binge and get off track. so low res for a tiny while... 700-1000 range.... i know but im going to take next week as the perfect chance to wind myself back down to where i belong in the 300-500 range ehe...

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

so here is some pictures i took of my legs, im standing here with my feet together, i know i look decently big, but i actually looked back at an old photo, maybe march ? im unsure... or may ? april... idk... early... ive come far..

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

but also a comparison of me at 55kg when i got my tattoo vs me at 49.5 kg in that picture... i lost some weight and just fat and mass in the thigh and upper thigh part of my legs, my thighgap is more straight and less fat pools under me. peep how nicely my tattoo healed also LOL

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

i have an intense love for this song, it makes me want to spend my entire salary on dresses in 1 night... i love it so much so fucking much sigh

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 13th August ✨

Happy #AudioDramaSunday, lovely people! I’ve listened to so much audio drama this week and my house is so clean as a result 🫧 

SPOILERS BELOW!

🌲@hellofromthehallowoods Starcrossed Gods!! I felt so brave daring to listen to this again. My heart 💔 Marolmar is written so well! Every sentence contains something to flinch at, it makes me sick to hear it all again. I’d also repressed the memory of how gut-wrenching Nikignik’s shouting at the end was, and how much it hurts to hear people trying to sing with a closed up throat. ANYWAY, I’m fine, thank you for asking. I’m not sure if the live show was released early due to logistical reasons, but I am fearful that it’s to provide context for what’s about to happen in the regular episodes (AKA tears and tears and tears for me). 

🦀 What an absolute delight to hear from the @thesiltverses cast again! These season recaps are so funny and it’s so heart warming to hear it when the cast of a show are clearly also its biggest fans. I’m SO excited for S3!!

🦮 @malevolentcast (34) what an episode!! If I recall correctly, this is the first time we’ve had an episode entirely without Arthur & John’s perspective? The Butcher is a worthy character to hold that mantle. Do I feel like I understand him more? No. Did I love being along for the ride? Absolutely. It’s also so weird to hear Arthur talking to John out loud when he thinks no-one can hear. I hope he makes it out in time! 

📻 @monstrousagonies (107) So thrilled to have this show back and I hope Hero is feeling much better! The first letter was so cute!! I’m sure there are lots of us who can relate to choosing love and kindness when we’re used to the opposite! Whichever bridge that little one finds, I’m sure it’ll be the loveliest by far!! 

🌒 @monkeymanproductions gave us the low-down on just how incredibly talented the Moonbase Theta, Out cast are in their Cast Special. Spoiler: Very. It was very wholesome to hear DJ Sylvis hyping everyone up and the episode is full of great AD and other recommendations! 

🎙Welcome to Night Vale is back!! I felt particularly targeted by the ad copy in this episode, but I’m sure that was their intention! This ep’s weather was particularly up my street too! I loved the harmonies! 

🎞 Tiny Terrors OOF hey so I found out what was up with Angela… and I didn’t like it one bit! I also need to know what the hell was happening at the end there. Jess, girl, you’ve got to stop getting yourself in these situations. It’s too much (for me to listen to)! 

🌍 @lastechoespod (8) I can’t believe it’s the last episode! Ishani Kanetkar was wonderful as Trast. I wish we could hear the final decision, but I guess I’ll just have to relisten and try decide for myself . . . 

🧛‍♂️ @re-dracula Uhoh, someone’s arrived in Whitby . . . I love Mina so much and Isabel AdomakohYoung is doing amazing job as her VA. She captures the good-hearted intelligence I love so much about the character!

 💫 Wolf 359 (38-46 + Special!) Oh MAN this podcast has my entire heart. Isn’t Memoria one of the best episodes of anything ever? Oh, Hera, I love you sooo much!!!!! I also loved the Lovelace cliffhanger at the end of 46 and the special was so different but so good! (Although listening to 2 hours of anything is a challenge!! I need a 20-30 min ep or I can’t fit it into my life) 

🎩 @ethicstownpod (7) OH MY GOD. January fans are looking a little bit bloody silly right now! What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On???? Please, if you haven’t yet started listening to this show, now is your time! It’s SO good and has so many twists and turns!! 

🥾@doyoucopypod (5) oh my GOD, imagine how horrifying it would be to be out in the woods to grieve your partner, only to hear their voice in the middle of the night. Nope. Absolutely not. Get out of the dead zone!! Wilson remains the goodest boy, even if his growls give me goosebumps! 

🎧 In this week’s The First Episode Of, W Keith Tims talks to the creator of Untrue Stories! These interviews are always fantastic and this show sounds so interesting for fans of sci-fi!! 

Thanks for reading! I’m so excited for more Regina Prime and to catch up with happenings in the Hallowoods next week! Hope you all have a restful weekend ✨

[defenselesswriter]

fell asleep at 5am.... which is so cool. my dog woke me up at 8:30 which i get she had to go potty so whatever.

i checked my phone after waking up and saw a text from my bank going "hey did you make this charge?"

the answer was no..... so on the day i get paid and need to go grocery shopping, i officially have no card. my bank is in a different state so i can't just pop in and get one. has to be mailed. so that sucked. luckily i could just transfer my sister money and use her card. hurdle jumped.

so i spend 2 hours straight running around to grocery shop and get some shit done.

hey remember how there was a charge on my card??? turns out my dad got a text the same time i did (4am my time 2am his) because his card was also compromised.... weird.

then i see that i have emails from playstation.... someone hacked my account. they changed the email associated with it too. i know there's been some hacking happening with playstation which i only just remembered when i saw these emails and the charges.

so i try calling playstation right? because i would like to keep access to the dozen or so games that i've bought over the years. hahaha turns out their call volume is so high they won't accept more calls and just hung up on me. "try our live chat"

yeah that's not easy to find on the playstation website fun fact. anyway. i've now been in the chat queue for 40 min to wait for a live agent. i'm currently 18 in line tho which is better than the 148 i started with.

also, remember my dad's card getting compromised the same time mine did???? it's because his card was on my playstation account since we used to share my ps4. the hackers managed to actually get a game out of him too. my card was declined because i had nothing in my account at the time. thankfully because it was only a few hours before i got paid so imagine that most of my paycheck was just gone when i woke up!! how fun!!!!

anyway. i'm mad as hell at the experience, going to be even more pissed if i lose all of my games. however, let's take a moment of silence for sony's customer support agents because they're probably experiencing some rude ass customers and being horribly overworked. this hacking shit has been going on at least a week that i know of. so moment of silence for our troops.

[bacchicly]

List time...but surprise today is actually a good day! I just need to get things outta my head to make sure I get my timing right...

Ok so I just put a pork roast in for dinner and it is currently searing at 4:25.... Turn down to 350 in 13 mins.. (likely around the time I post this)

Veggies gonna be:

- canned cream corn (heat 5 mins before serving)

- apple sauce made with the apples I am roasting with the pork (fish out and smash - possibly add more apple - out when I take out the roast to rest)

- baked carrots and parsnips (5 start prep)

Personal To Do List (listed in order of priority)

Install new latch on cupboard under sink

Clean up/ practice demo I am doing tomorrow at work

Pack for prompt departure in the morning to work for presentation in the morning

Pack for trip I am taking later this week (this is shocking I am a throw things madly in a plastic bag madly before I leave person - which I hate)

Work clothing; IT; meds; toiletries; jewelry; makeup?; find damn sunglasses and things I need to drop off at head office

Further (spend an hour more?) on my new budget tracking spreadsheet - after trying other people's solutions and failing...I am trying attempt #4567923 to get on top of family finances. This time I am prioritising a blended bi-weekly/monthly approach that I sort of do naturally. I am also building it around my actual payweek schedule. And have "coded" it to analyse based on those patterns.... I.e. what happens when it is a 3 payweek month versus a 2 payweek month? What are 1st paycheck of the month expenses vs end of the month? We'll see if this time actually helps for awhile. Sigh. I suck at all of this. Oh well if nothing else...when you talk about working/middle/academic/artist class people funneling their money back into the economy instead of saving...and how important that can be... Well let's just say I see myself in that picture...and I am torn about how I feel about it. Money is a huge source of shame for me.

Re-attach eye patches on Stringbean - take photos and share

Ok so here's the timeline based on all that...I am only putting in the musts and then I am going to come back and fill in what I achieve:

It's 3pm (as I type) and I've turned down the oven:

1 am - sleep - alarm set for 7 am

Key time points working backwards:

1 am / 2 am... Who is counting

10ish - kid to sleep

11:30ish - husband home

Got kid to sleep by 10:20... Then tackled more work. Got it done eventually. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

6:30 - latest time to serve dinner

9:15 - drive to hockey & home

Helped with purple hair washing; but also did some work work. Didn't have to drive... Husband got ride.

8:00 to 9:00 - kid bath, jammies & reading

Fed people at 6:45...before that tried to do some work work but my computer needed charging so I did more on the family budget.

6:20 - call folks to wash hands, plate, choose documentary for dinner, cats in "cat jail" (we keep them out of the dinning area for fancier meals since they have terrible table manners)

6:15 - heat corn

6:00 - take out meat to rest and tackle applesauce

5:15 - carrots and parsnips in oven

Put parsnips & carrots in oven early. Now I have an hour to do some work. I wish I had an office.

5:00 - start carrot and parsnip prep

Work through personal to do list for 2.5 hours

Finished doing the latch...but I had to use armature wire to create a custom latch for the one side...apparently I should have bought a bigger latch.

3:20 - post my list

2:45 - write list

[anothersuicidesunday]

Another day, another hypocrasy.

You know, I have to hear all the time the negatives about me, my family. I'm well aware we can never do anything right. And no I'll never understand why he likes me or had a child and wants more of them with me when it appears theres nothing about me to like.

The part I absolutely struggle with is how one sided shit is.

Like say Christmas for example, our kid's first one she's 7 months old, my family christmas party and little thing and its "we'll pack her up and go home if x happens".

His family though get a free pass to do whatever they want.

My family christmas we have to drive 2.5 hours to i totally get its a long drive so 6 hours plus travel time is fair even if he does complain the whole time and sits on his own and complain if people want to talk to him. Dont even get me started on if i pulled that shit with his family.

His family christmas people came to our house for an hour and then all went to his aunts for 10 hours (30 mins travel each way) when our child had her last bottle i said "we cant stay longer than 2 more hours because i dont have anymore milk for child" only to be met with "that sucks im not ready to go yet!"

And thats after his grandmother got blinding drunk and started getting aggressive with everyone. Did he at any point in his family drama draw a line and tell me he'll pack our child up? No. Would we have had a massive argument if i suggested it? Yes.

Then we take a picture and i post it. He has his tongue sticking out cos he hates pictures. A friend on my mother innocently comments saying the tongue ruins a beautiful picture. I reply to say that i prefer the honesty of the picture to fake smiles. I think thats a good reply to not be rude but defend the choice. Not good enough, he wants to do a dick reply, i ask him to please not as he would not like it if I had done that to him. So he sends a screenshot to his family group chat knowing full well his family would do the dirty work for him. Turns out his siblings are blocked and his plans are foiled and it starts a whole new side drama. And the cop out is "i dont know why you are mad at me i didnt reply! Good to know you wont stick up for me too"

Like excuse me? The lion, the witch and the audacity of this bitch!

And the absolute kicker.

"I stuck up for you with my dad and Kerry!"

No you didnt, you hate Kerry and she finds new ways to cross your boundaries that include me, you are pissed off that they do that to you not that they make me uncomfortable by dragging me into it. Especially when "i took the day off work to make sure she doesnt come near you and the baby" but when she did i looked for you begging to help and you were busy on the piss with your friend anyway. And then knowing the usual that if i made a scene i'll be in trouble but if i do nothing im going to hear about it anyway i opted to just do nothing about it cos atleast its just you pissed off and not your entire family.

[asispsyche]

I am. In hell right now.

Yesterday was a generally weird day on its own, but then I went to metal shop to finish a project that was due this morning. That ended up lasting from 6 until... this morning. I leave at like 4am. I walk to Target because I can't remember if this one assignment that I need a folder for is due today (it wasn't) and it is drizzling and Target is closed. I am in the city completely and totally alone at 4am and now I know what it is to be a horror game protagonist. The buses are not running so I walk home. Still drizzling. Before I ever left metal shop, around 3 am, my phone stopped fucking working. Frozen screen, won't respond to anything, won't even turn off. So I have no idea what time it is. Why do I care? Because I need to finish a project for my other art class. Half of which was going to be photography. Photography that is now trapped inside my useless phone and not in the cloud because HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN? I am back at square 1 and the project is due at 9 am. I reach my dorm. I ask the guy at the front desk what time it is. "4:57." "Thanks." Fuck. I change, drink a Monster, and get to work finishing this entire project by 7:30 am, at which point I need to leave for my metal class, because we're presenting that project today because it is the last day of class and it won't be accepted late. 7:30 comes and I realize I'll just have to be late for the sake of finishing the other project. I do it. I finish. I submit the project. I go straight to metal shop. I present. It's a hit. I come to terms with the fact that I will not see the metal shop until next fall, if I am finally lucky enough to get into one of the next classes. I didn't this time because I got screwed with my registration time. Like my entire schedule is wack. I go home. Earlier, I emailed my mother because that was all I could think to do and I don't know my sisters' social medias or their phone numbers because why would I. Anyway, I emailed my mom so that when I obviously don't respond to any texts or calls, she hopefully won't think I'm dead and call the cops. When I reach my dorm, I don't know if she's gotten the email yet so I borrow a phone and call her. No answer. She has no time for scammers. Understandable. I leave a message. I go upstairs and see that she did respond to my email, and we decide that we'll deal with my phone tomorrow when she comes to get me for Thanksgiving Break. Ok. At least she knows why I'm unreachable and that I'm not dead. She can never know that I was out in the city completely alone at 4am. 40 min to my next class. I go and somehow wind up being 10 minutes late. I don't know how. I don't remember a single thing from that class. I remember fighting to stay awake. I'm pretty sure I succeeded, seeing as no one woke me up to go "What the fuck is wrong with you?" People liked my project. My project I lost 2 weeks worth of work on and did in about 2 1/2 hours. This is the last day of that class too, so we take home all the work we turned in over the semester. I think a few of my pieces might be missing? I have bigger problems. I have my astronomy lab final tonight. Which is why my mom is coming to get me tomorrow, because i can't leave tonight and tomorrow I have to be out by 10 am. So here I am, at 2:16 pm, with a shaky grasp at best on reality, thinking of how I have to go to Target again because I really need bandaids (You think saws are dangerous? You fool. You utter buffoon. It's the files. It's the frantic filing a piece of metal enough to solder because by god you will not fail this project but also you have dry skin.) and I still haven't had anything to eat since 4-ish pm yesterday except for a Monster and I still haven't done my laundry or taken out the trash and jesus christ is it really 2:27 pm already???

Anyway nothing feels real

[integratedsoul]

✨WEEK: 6/17/24-6/23/24✨

R.E.P.O.R.T.S.

How did I REALIGN this week?: 

6/17/24→ “love lights and fills me up” moms bday, hindz breath x3, garden

6/18/24→ “abundance is a portal and it appears for me” rafiq over

6/19/24→ “my goals are easily attainable” hindz breath, rafiq over

6/20/24→ “my financial abundance is far and wide” wildwood w rafiq

6/21/24→ “i trust my life is working for me” 30 workout

6/22/24→ “I breathe life through spirit into me” garden fence, breath jake, bunny full🌚 breath

6/23/24→ “my why keeps me going” hindz breath, workout, will probably do more tonight but posting early 

What did I EAT & exercise?

I ACCOMPLISHED A PULL UP!!  

What did I PRIORITIZE this week and what can I prioritize next week: 

Next week: putting myself in the rooms & asking questions

This week: felt a little all over the place but had my tools to ground me when i got angry / frustrated

What did I OBSESS over this week:  

Spending time with my man, went to wildwoof, parents were in rhode island so we had a few sleep overs 

What would I RECOMMEND for next week:

-qi gong & breathwork to start every day!

what was your favorite TEACHING you learned?:

Begin before youre ready; you really dont understand something until youve done it

Focus on taking a small action to get momentum going & instill confidence 

Youre not actually trying to find an idea for a business→ you’re asking “who are the people you’d like to serve?” “What problems can you solve?” 

Words are cheap, money is not—> 1.are they actually paying for it? 2. Have they pre-ordered the thing? / put on the waitlist 3.would they be willing to be your 1st customer for a 50% discount? 

OTHER NOTES/ LINKS: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVBHOKJgouI how to start a biz in 48 hours

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMJNK6_e7Yk Patrick McKeown “you wouldn’t eat with your nose, so why breathe with your mouth”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lurzpkhKtfk&t=1s lead generation strategy nick komadina

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rpNfwTq6Xw can you teach perseverance 

Dr joe dispenza film→ SOURCE

https://youtu.be/swR-lbJ6SU8?si=wvl-KRXnP1D7egI_ balaz mastering art of sales conversions

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnFYdgLVNYQ balaz great sales keys from 

^coaches starting out live coaching 

The being method podcast → carrie b on sunlight healing us 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CK6uYrvD8qc gary Vaynerchuk build brand 7 min 

Arabella Solution 6/23/24→ Healthy, Healing & Free 

Q & A = what's a good morning routine? w/ gut routine → sunlight & grounding in the AM

The gut– must have healed gut in order to heal anything 

Epigenetics→ dealt with lifestyle; you can turn certain genes off and on 

Thoughts are language of the mind. Feelings are the language of the body. 

Correct environment (people/what you're consuming) is vital for optimal healing.

✨12 steps to heal & get their sparkle back✨

But first: What are your symptoms? They are signals! It’s communication from your body. Your body is always communicating with you, There are solutions.

Recognize- identify what's making you sick and why you're chronically ill (you can't go to the dr and just get hormones, you haven’t solved the root cause: something has to change) (belief anything is possible has to happen here/before) 

Reset- reset and create inner harmony; shift your health state + create + environment for optimal health (use food as medicine for more energy, less cravings: it’s easier to cleanse follow a journey) 

Restore-  regulate your nervous system to create physical + emotional safety + resilience, sleep deeper than ever before….and find a sense of internal peace. 

Rewire- rewire your subconscious belief systems + coping mechanisms to create a new narrative around health (you can believe that anything is possible) (we are run by our subconscious belief systems)

Reconnect- your body holds deep wisdom. Shift from disconnection → connection + learn how to tune in, listen to your systems + allow them to quantum leap your healing (you don't have to reach outside of yourself for healing) (hearing the voices/whispers/gut instincts and honoring it) (learn discernment from yourself to know between fear & intuition) 

Nourish-nourish your body + feed your cells + systems. Dive deep into how to use food as medicine to restore your health + vitality (you are safe, connected and tuning into what your body needs to survive and thrive) (everyone is different, diet plans won’t work for everyone) 

Digest- learn the secrets of digestion and why it’s the key to healing all disease (when you’re sick→ your digestion system is typically weak) 

Detox-use healing modalities to heal mind body + spirit by removing what no longer is serving you (detox is not a good thing if you’re already in depletion; it’s not safe, they need building up and nourishing)  

Relationships- address all relationships you're in so you can thrive; address numbing/dissociation patterns 

Release- let go of things that no longer serve us; habits; get rid of the anchor that’s holding you down/back/stuck 

Life force- the energy flowing through your body; you cannot see but you can feel; most disease comes from the stagnation / stuck energy in the body(add qi gong to routine)

Longevity- establish a foundation for long-term success / health and the prevention of dis-ease 

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary65

11/15-16/2023

wednesday - thursday

it's so quiet right now.

i showered just now, or like, at 11, and i've gotten out an hour ago maybe, 1 hour, 30 mins, maybe, i dunno. i had to do the rest of my working out in the bathroom tonight which meant no hip thrusts but i did bring my phone into the bathroom and that made me look at all my old pics after using it as a timer. it made me cry a little, seeing all that. the fan is off and it's so quiet. it's so weird. i can hear myself breathe, the apartments around us are creaking. i hear my keys. it's a long time since i've reckoned with silence like this. then after looking at all the old pics i took pics of myself thinking if i could get a photo of myself, a mirror selfie, where i get myself as front on as possible, with as many features exposed i guess, to try and understand what i look like. to see if i could compare it to the bad picture of me, and see if that one is lying to me or something. but i don't know. i don't know why i look better in the mirror, does that mean i look better in other human eyes too, or is it only because i am seeing myself at eye level. is eye level always flattering? i can't tell. i don't know. i don't want answers from the internet because they're always crushing. it feels intentional. people on quora and body dysmorphia forums want you to feel terrible so you have to stay near them, it feels like. i guess saying things are really as bad as you imagine, and every detail you've invented is actually real, is a good way to keep yourself from being lonely.

anyway, i don't want to keep imagining what angle produced my fucked up face in picture v. why my face seems (in my eyes from my skull from my brain and eye spacing and all the seconds and whatever making the perception add up to "a face" (can you tell i really feel insane because of this)) okay. i am tired, it is late.

today i recorded vocals and it felt good, and i exported 2 of the songs i redid vocals on, and i do like the vocals a lot more. one needs them to be quieter, the other needs them a touch louder + brighter. anyway, i need to get the mixing re-done on the third. tomorrow i will do that. honest. i think i said so already but this freakout is at least productive for writing.

i am unpleasantly sick in my stupid head. this song makes it feel better. i like how the song turns kind of evil at this speed. when they play it slow, it's scared, when it's fast it's evil. there's something so meaningful in that, something about fear turning to cynical abandon, crashing your car, jumping into the street, off buildings, your body reduced to something you are performing velocity functions on to see how far it could go or whatever. being freaked out makes that happen. somehow that's cool. i guess it's the abandon part. something about 'abandon' and the abandoned right beside eachother, infinite growth and overfed expectations + excitement into total failure, dead office buildings are a kind of manifestation of the death drive, right. don't mind me i'm just free associating, feeling bad makes that always seem more important than it actually is. that's how mark fisher got to be anything. he was so depressed he didn't realize he wasn't really that bright. i don't want to be mark fisher. he's not too stupid either. i just don't want to ever be as obvious as he was. it would wound me to be that obvious. i figure, though, everyone thinks i am, just like everyone thinks that's me in that picture, and it is but it isn't, and maybe i am but not like that. maybe not at all. i refuse it, that isn't me, and i can make myself not that obvious, right? now i'm just pleading with god or something. it's all nonsense anyways, mindvomit. tomorrow i promise to be more lucid, i promise to be happier and maybe i'll be prettier too. my selfies were good, i think. that's the scary part. in the mirror, i reached a point where i though, i look okay. but then it felt wrong again. i can't tell. i saw myself a little bit just now, i couldn't tell, was it okay, was i ugly, i didn't linger, i couldn't. why is this so overpowering for me. it's eating all my head, it's really bleach on a pattern, splash and then blankness forever. i need mouthwash. i am going to see myself again. i'll report back and say what i saw. it's like blair witch.

maybe i've come closer to understanding if something went wrong, or not. i can't tell though. i can't tell if i'm blind to my jaw, or if i see it too harshly. it looks okay, i think, when i relax in front of the mirror more.

i started crying, i think i see myself, right now, or i hope, i don't know, i'm treating my face like mars, i'm also the probe. anyway i started crying, i don't know, there were more thoughts, i can't keep doing this to myself but i feel like that really isn't my face but i'm too tense or i keep moving things around weird or something. i dunno. i can't tell. it's 4 am now. yay so fun i love being crazy lol.

anyway:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mind-in-transit]

to prevent me being arrogant. still about failure and sickness, how a sick people can help another sick people, i need to be healed first, otherwise how can we be filled with His spirit and how others about the changes we had (something that i knew the theory and i knew it at the previous situation, but when He spoke it again, the feeling is just different, the urgency and the pressure is also different). and about going to the next level, somehow i can feel the quality of my prayer increase to another level after the last 4 days, previously when i prayed to have a breakthrough, i dont know and cant imagine the differences, but at some point i can feel it now but dont know how to share it.

Coz in a month i was sick 4 times (2 times mentally and somehow relates to my headache), the other 2 were physically which i never had diarrhea before and people who ate with me had no problem, so it was like premeditated coincidence. This is the first time i was sick that much just in a month, maybe that's why you said im sick often, but the word often just for this month, as usually im rarely sick even in one year. So i thought there mush be something. The other thing that i said to you, during that time, i felt like God was so silent lately, He said something quite often and showed many revelations during the first 2 weeks, but the other 2 weeks was so silent till i was earnestly seeking what happened, why it's so silent and dry (coz it's significantly different between the first two weeks and suddenly change when i didnt feel i did something wrong during that time), like half wet and half dry, to make me think and look back

thursday

so when the first time i moved to TNR, she has a sharing night at HN something on Thu, i had class that night but i still listened to her at some point (my multi ears haha), that's the first time He reminded me to think and look at every detail, why my dad was at jkt at a time he shouldnt be (usually first saturday of first week, so basically he should be here last saturday, but somehow he was back to jkt since end of april, been two week here), that made me needs to move out the apartment. The other "coincidence", i and tnr were sick during the home online schedule, not the on site one, so not interrupting the home schedule. Means we need to focus on ourselves more during the time, and somehow no interruption from other people as well

friday

like i said to you, i saw how her boss treated her, she said to me like 'ga tau knp boss nya lg kambuh nya parah, biasa juga marah2, tp yg kali ini lg marah2 yg lagi kumat gitu'. God allowed me to see that. On the other hand, bcoz i worked in the same room, i had a meeting as well with my team several times and she listened, a very different condition of environment. This made me realise, in my current condition, my previous response was not as good as her, i mean, i still can "mengeluh" even though i have a very nice boss, i still can be burned out etc.

total in friday, i had 5 hours prayer, since morning prayer, before night prayer start i had 30 min of praying first then night prayer at truth id and the last 2 hours prayer at mid night, at that night suddenly TNR asked me to play guitar, i though we will have our own prayer as usual, but somehow it turned out differently and we finished on 2 am, and woke up again before 5am (i just never had that so many prayers between 24 hours and still feel "kurang" even after the 2am prayer haha) usually after night prayer on friday, the night maybe only 30 min to 1 hour

sat

after the morning prayer, we worked as usual as she works on saturday and i had deadline as well, but i need to prepare my sharing night at kg12. usually i will be alone in a room during my online sharing, but now i need to prepare the materials when there's other people, and talk when there's people as well. i didnt feel any pressure of canggung bcoz of that, but what came to my mind was it was double kill, what i said was directly heard by a living creature who was witnessing and could feel the atmosphere directly. the spirit could me more felt if i was saying an empty word.

and we had breakout room even though suaranya balapan that i need to take turn to mute or unmute, but there were many responses and situations that i was witnessing and heard with my ears from the TNR's side (may be later i will share a bit), coz i think i have been writing this for too long haha

sun

somehow we woke up late 5:25 when i saw my handphone, tnr didnt woke up as well, so we were late about 25 min, then after morning prayer with bapak finisihed, we continued the other 2 hours morning prayer till 7.50 am, almost the other 2 hours prayer. this time TNR played the guitar. then 11am ira 1, 5pm ira 2, and TNR had night prayer with HN at 7pm, so played guitar accompanying her till 8.30pm before i went back to my home haha so sunday was full of another prayer and services

maybe that's why i felt like i was at a retreat hahaa

that place was very conducive for me to seek Him intensively, and somehow we were very careful about what we talked about, we didnt speak much. My thought was, if i was not careful in front of people who are sensitive to what i said as we know each other when we were wrong when we talked something we shouldnt, how can i keep that attitude in front of people who has different vibe (you know there's a people when we talk to them, they can trigger us to talk an unimportant thing, not an important jokes or topics or trigger our emotion, and we can easily dragged by them), so it's an exercise for me and how i can maintain it when i meet my dad coz he is someone who can trigger my emotion, you know old people somehow "suka aneh2" haha

[andromedasummer]

is there seriously nowhere to buy textbooks in person anymore for vic uni?? wow that really is horrible. fuck all the "protestors" and their lingering sentiment. what's your opinion on vic uni as it stands now? i've heard from a lot of people that in recent years it has changed (in a negative way), and even tho the uni wasn't responsible for the protestors, i heard from some people that they weren't so keen on the uni in the aftermath. whether it was due to the proximity to parliament or i also heard the uni's response towards students was basically "tough luck" when their finances and studies were impacted due to the "protestors"

yeah we got emails and the response was straight up "nothing we can do, avoid coming in if you feel threatened" which was like. yeah?? we feel threatened? 12-18 yr old girls at the local high school had to add like 20/30 mins to their commute because if they went past the protests they would be harassed. my 19 yr old coworker was reduced to tears by a man screaming at her at the train station about her mask. she had to come into work using uber to avoid it happening again. she lived over an hour away, it was NOT cheap.

i walked past or through the protestors a lot because i had to go in that way to study, home was too busy and our internet was spotty. i had to get very used to ignoring the shouting. but the public were at boiling point by the end assaults/harassment of the general public had gone up, local businesses being invaded happened more and suddenly people were driving past the protestors throwing milkshakes or yelling at them, which only made them more aggressive.

as for whats up at vic im not sure im the best person to ask. i dont pay attention to too many of the changes and rarely participate in clubs (i did help with classical theater and uniq in my first 2 years)

what i can say is the million dollars spent on the new science centre was useless, as the reason the science department needed a new building was because their lecture halls and labs were too small. the buildings rooms are the exact same size as they were in the other building. so the science faculty are fucked if they want anything for the next decade because "oh well you just got a new building." i dont know why theyve bought that massive bloody abandoned building down the hill and dont see how paying for its destruction is going to help with costs, god knows what they plan on putting there. at least first years will stop breaking in and cutting themselves on broken glass and nails/falling through broken flooring.

i adore pretty much all but one or two lecturers ive had at vic, the good ones are exceptionally good and make attending class a joy. and because nz is so small they know everyone in their subject worth knowing and are happy to make connections with them possible which is a lifesaver. also as someone who restarted their degree cos health problems + changed subjects ive had a LOT of lecturers from psych to classics to media studies to polsci. my main problem is the problem is the treatment of lecturers.

a close friend of mine from high school works as a tutor there and as much as he adores it, every time hes ever gotten his paycheck its because his union pressed vic to send it on time. recently theres been protests by staff for better pay, which i fully support, i even attended some protests because quite frankly for the experience, knowledge and ties these people have they are paid a pittance.

as for the book stores, we have multiple bookstores here but most are secondhand. the ones that arent dont stock textbooks, because the dedicated textbook place for 50+ years has been vicbooks. i dont know who it will fall to. unitybooks maybe? or we'll just have to order online like i said before.

but with the protests, people likely got turned off heading to vic because, ultimately, parliaments down the hill from from it. literally you just gotta walk up the terrace, turn right and then walk another 5 minutes. takes 20 minutes if youre fit enough. getting into uni was near impossible for most people because you had to go through or past the protest camp to get there (unless you were lucky enough to live on the other side of the city and go up the terrace the other side). also, because the main city train station and main city bus station are/were on the other side of the camp, it made confrontation if you used those modes of transport unavoidable.

ultimately the protest is not vics fault, not by a mile. if i were to blame anyone it would be 1. the protestors themselves 2. the police, who, when i walked past on day one, had only sent a cop car and 3 cops to watch over the situation, which is how they managed to pitch all the tents/blockade the traffic/take as much ground as they did. police were woefully, woefully unprepared. 3rd blame goes to the tow companies who all refused to remove the vehicles blocking the street because they were sympathetic to the group that were spraying nazi symbols on the war monument and calling for execution of our politicians. fuck them.

honestly im just glad that its over, even a year on. my dad was coming home when the fighting broke out and he could see them throwing bricks and starting fires a street away and the riot police bearing down on them and using hose. it was incredibly unnerving to watch, esp as i had friends and family working in the buildings around there.