#2020 really fucking sucks y'all

[puuuders]

Aaaaah q&a stuff

1. What's your favorite TerzOmega dynamic? (ofthemorningstars)

I love ressurected Terzo, so definitely the relationship after that. I have an entire story in my pea sized brain for that. I imagine copia ressurects all of his brothers after sister imperator dies. Omega loses his mind for a little bit and avoids terzo, but then he gives it a chance and becomes ultra possessive, protective and paranoid. They end up moving out and living together and live happily ever after :3 

2. Do you prefer writing or making art? (Ofthemorningstars) 

I guess it depends. My art is very basic, I do not put a lot of time into my art. I do put a lot of time into writing, but I am not a great writer. I love both, but for big projects I prefer to write, and smaller I prefer to draw. 

3. How does it feel to find love on tumblr? (Ofthemorningstars) 

Couldn't ask for anything better

4. What has been making you distracted? 🤨 (evereverest2) 

mmmmmh see photo above babygirl (you)

5. What inspires you most to create? (evereverest2) 

 You probably noticed that 90% of my drawings are based on other people's work. I really like making fanart, as I am actually not a creative person. So definitely other people's amazing projects inspires me the most :3 

6. What is your favorite thing to draw? (Evereverest2) 

Semi-realistic portraits. I don't share those much bc idk if you would like that kind of stuff but here's some from my ghost shrine:

7. Do you have any plans for Pursuit of Something Better? How long will it be, etc. (Evereverest2) 

I have lots of plans for it. Im not sure how long it will be, but I know it will end abruptly. Also there will be a very big terzomega theme to it teehee I can't resist writing about my pookie bears. It will be mostly angst, maybe some smut but I don't know for sure yet. I know y'all hornballs would like that huh? (Me too) 

8. What got you into ghost? (Sp1ll3d1nk) 

Back in my youth (when I was in 9th grade like 2020), I was a brainrot ifunny user. I abandoned ifunny bc it got too political lol. But I was scrolling on ifunny and I came across a video and it had year zero playing in the background. I liked it so I checked the comments and someone said “is that a mother fucking ghost reference?” So I looked it up. This may hurt some of yalls feelings… but I thought ghost sucked at first bc I listened to a song that I shant name to avoid offending y'all lmao. I just didn't like it so I abandoned it. Then, I came across Square Hammer a few months later. Boner alert. Addiction started. So I got into ghost bc of ifunny lmao

9. Idk why but you seem like you were a band kid is that true? (Sp1ll3d1nk) 

LMAO that's a great headcanon. I really wanted to be in band because I really like playing piano, and my school had a few pianos. But for some reason students weren't able to play them in band, and like all of the other instruments were wind instruments and I didn't wanna play a wind instrument

10. What other things do you do besides art? (Anon 1) 

Other than rotting in my room drawing a gay couple, I really like physical activities. I regularly go to playgrounds and trampoline parks lol. I also love rollerskating and fishing

11. Are you and everest actually a couple- I REALLY CAN'T TELL I'M SORRY (anon 2) 

I think this person is anonymous bc they're jealous /j

No, we aren't actually dating... Yet. Teehee

12. What other music do you like besides Ghost (anon 3) 

Ahh I don't mean to sound like a poser /j, but Ghost is really the only metal band I like. I really like Red Hot Chili Peppers, Electric Light Orchestra (ELO), The Beatles, Queen, Elton John, mostly rock. I suppose Ghost does fall into the rock category too. A pretty obscure band I recently talked about with someone is Steam Powered Giraffe, they are very interesting individuals. 

Anyways that's all thank you pookies mwah time to work on Wounded

[mwagneto]

4 6 9 11 19 20 :-)

4. Movie of the year?

honestly almost every 2022 movie i watched sucked ass����😭😭 has to either be glass onion or uhhhhh. i wanted to say el baile de los 41 but apparently that came out in 2020 which was three years ago i fucking hate time💀 so yeah idk 2022 was rly weak for me on the movie front. could've had sherlock holmes 3 but whatever it's fine !!!!!!!!!!

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

you know it's gonna be our flag means death season 1 episode 9:-( absolutely insane addition to my already insane day, as you know. also the pilot of the iwtv reboot was really fucking good too

9. Best month for you this year?

oh my god i have no idea coz something nice happened pretty much every month but im a very positive person in general so idk. i got to travel in january, i applied to uni in february, march was amazing for every reason ever, i lived with réka my friend réka in april, i got a rly good grade on my finals in may, el my friend el flew to budapest and lived w me for a week in june, we went to Balaton with all my hun mutuals in july, i visited my sister in holland in august, i started uni in september and met a bunch of rly cool people and then october and november are pretty much one big blur so💀💀 but december was great too i finally got to relax a lil. so yeah no way to pick they were pretty much all rly fun

11. Something you want to do again next year?

visiting emilee my friend emilee which i AM doing again in February so😏😏 also going to Balaton with y'all again and hopefully hosting El again if they can make it

19. What’re you excited about for next year?

visiting Emilee!!!! aaoufgdudshsushdu and also ofmd season 2 and being done with my exams and maybe figuring out what the fuck i'm gonna do with my life

20. What’s something you learned this year?

i think in 2022 i finally managed the process of letting myself feel like people genuinely like me and aren't just pretending to like me so they can make fun of me. and also that bleeding myself dry for other people just to make sure they don't leave me isn't necessary because the people i interact with now don't just like me for the things i can do for them. and the biggest lesson of 2022 is that sometimes people will literally just do things for you because they're nice and they like you and it's okay to ask for help with things and to accept help with things. idk just a lot of very necessary emotional growth that I couldn't have had if it hadn't been for everyone i interacted with that year but yeah overall 100% positive mental health progression

[sunshinexlollipops]

please educate yourself on Project 2025, this is something Trump intends to push. it gives way too many powers to a president (practically undoing checks and balances and any shred of "democracy" this country supposedly has), and it removes or weakens many LGBTQ+ and civil rights (discrimination protections, voting rights, equality guidelines, etc).

trump has openly declared he will target the transgender community, which will have ramifications for all. your healthcare and accessibility to medicine will forever be changed, while giving the government way too much access into your care. alongside giving providers the right to deny you care (regardless of if you're trans or not), or sending you to jail for receiving it or requesting it.

trump is supposed to be in jail himself for the shit that he has pulled while president AND after— from trying to sell information, to keeping documents he should've never been able to take in house and shower.

we are STILL dealing with the after effects of Jan 6th. so many were not held accountable, specifically in our government and with trump at the head of that snake, that tried to upheave EVERYTHING because trump lost in 2020.

trump's own former vice president (Pence) refuses to endorse his 2024 run (in an election trump shouldn't be allowed to even run in and yet is), because I think having your brainwashed followers come up with guillotines and nooses, chanting his name to behead him, makes a bad impression.

conservatives literally think this man is the second coming of Jesus or literally sent by GOD to be president. he had them drinking bleach and denying an entire STILL ON GOING pandemic that has killed millions in America alone. and still they do not connect their misery and life problems to a man who helps sow it for his own benefit. they won't any time soon.

American politics aren't the same already because of trump. he opened the door to allow conservatives to dramatically and publicly worsen, while also having MAGA to create an entire group of people willing to destroy the government and more for him.

that man made 4yrs feel like a decade and he will have lasting impacts that will span that time and beyond.

WHY are y'all indifferent to letting him come back??????

(and if you are saying this because "well I don't want Biden," you need to think bigger than blue or red. colors don't fucking matter— both parties suck and are each a face of the same coin. we are where we are because of them both. but we need to actually come up with a SOLUTION instead of throwing our hands up into the air, because we are on the precipice of losing EVERYTHING if trump gets elected, and we are slowly but surely moving in that direction with Biden. I know what people say about third party, but if Biden can get record voter turnout bc of how sick a majority of people were after Trump, maybe it's not a lost cause if we found it. because if you REALLY want change, then let's do something other than giving up, yes?)

Why are people acting like another Trump administration couldn't possibly have any lasting consequences, when we're still dealing with the aftermath of the Reagan administration now.

[queen-of-wisdom]

2024 Prophecy

(2024 Prophecy)

Explanation: I like to call myself the new Cassandra, meaning that I'm full of prophecies (and other useful information) but ppl keep ignoring me. So now I'll write down everything that will happen this year and reblog everytime it turns out to be true.

Let's go!

There will be a dramatic change in leadership in Europe. Either something really unexpected (like Trump for example) or a revolution in any kind. I'm not entirely sure.

A famous musician (I tip a pop singer, but again, open for any kind) will die due to a illness.

A really big tsunami in Japan/Korea or however that area is called. It will be as famous as the one 2006 in Thailand.

I don't know why but I think a really life changing thing will involve a sheep flock. It will be something good, but I have no idea what it will be.

There will be a accident with nuclear power. Don't know if it's from weapons or a nuclear power plant incident.

KFC or Wendy's will have big scandal

I daydreamed alot about a non-violent apocalypse this year. Meaning the apocalypse happened, but society improved. So maybe a revolution??? (will capitalism maybe fall??? That's at least what I WANT, but that's not what I saw, so yeah)

The name Xaden will be important. Dunno why.

The first song I heard this year was Abby from Mitski. No idea if that matters in any way but I still want to note it.

Taylor Swift, Elon Musk and Kamala Harris will be canceled (I'm not even American, so I have no idea what Mrs. Harris' political stance on anything is)

This year will end good

I have no idea how it will start or how the middle will be, I just know that there is a happy ending

January will be wild

Silvia, fuck you (the sentence just popped into my head. This exact spelling)

Ashana, I'm sorry

Taana, go. (I have no idea how to spell it or if it's a name. Ta-a-na. Look it up in German on Google Translate. )

Purple flowers are planted upon roofs

China, Brasilia and New Zealand will have a rough time

Things will get good/better/okay in South Africa, Mongolia and Zambia (I have literally no idea how things are right now in these countries. But things will get better)

Missouri will be like the new Florida

Someone long missed will be found in Alaska/Canada

Sharks are getting accused of being violent (again) (sadly)

Anderson, get back where you're from or I'll punch you back

Yusuf, justice will be served for you

Maria, I know it's hard right now, but I'll promise you (even if I don't do promises) everything will fall into place. Eventually.

It will rain a lot in middle and easter Europe during September. Like unnaturally much.

The st. Petrus Dom in Rome, guys. I don't know what or when or whatever but it has also something to do with Michaelangelo

Y'all, read "All the girls I've been" by Tess Sharpe. I don't know, it feels important.

Sarah, leave. Immediately.

2024 is a cow and a deer

2024 is purble

2024 is a tulip

When I start thinking, years with round numbers are always ambivalent for me. 2020 sucked (for everyone). 2022 was great. So I kinda fear that 2024 will suck again :(

But it will end good, right?

RIGHT???

[anarchistettin]

I don't think it's that mysterious that MAGA / incel / hitler youth shit is so damnably interesting to young white-acculturated men. It makes more direct sense than the draw of any kind of comparable left movement in western nations.

It'd be unnatural for them to gravitate toward an ideology whose proponents regularly state that they'll never be able to be anything other than an enemy to their own hearts' true desires.

It's hard to argue that younger white men in leftist spaces don't still tend to lean toward base-level westernisms like antisemitism, sexism, racism. Voting dem didn't seem to change them categorically, in 2020.

it's a pretty rare individual of any sort that voluntarily stays where they're hated, even rarer sort that doesn't feel any pull at all toward a space where you're not only forgiven, but told that the evil shit you pulled wasn't actually evil at all, it's what God likes, or it's Natural Law or whatever other easily-sold-pap is on the lure. of course young white men resist leftist political ideas. they'll continue to! and feel like they have to. They're fuckin 14 or some shit. Hell, they're up to 20. They're 30 now!

the consequence of accepting leftist ideas is never, ever getting laid, ever. nevermind "again": EVER. They're fuckin 14 or some shit -

I mean, you can judge it or argue about it on a philosophical level, but you aren't going to convince most animals that they should actually be totally fine with never ever getting laid ever.

They aren't ace. They aren't queer. They aren't stealth-queer or foolingthemselvesbi. They're high-energy mammals with some 2.5 million years of evolved instinctive nnnnnnneeeeeeed to get laid. Logic and ethics aren't on the menu yet. Nothing else is. No amount of hating them for it will do anything but provoke those 2.5 million years of strategy. It's unfolding around us all the time.

I sure ain't saying "you gotta fuck a dude to get him on board". I'm just saying MAYBE belief in a strong biological sex-based morality is still a really bad plan all the way around.

it sucks that only people who already sorta kinda agree will ever see it but shit: the way y'all talk about the boys pretty much ensures where those boys aren't going to turn for relief from modern pressures or a feeling of having a meaningful life.

look at all those men on xitter that rush to reply to whatsherfaceshitherpants's critics, whenever possible, within seconds. On some level they believe that shatherself will have sex with them if they white knight her at a lucky juncture. They're not thinking "her politics are reprehensible, unsupportable by history or science, and she is regularly cruel to people that lack her level of power or privilege". They're thinking "a Lady that Looks Like That Will See Me Knighting, and, one day, Fuck Me". They aren't mistaken about that. They aren't fooling themselves. It's a strategy that works.

[jet-bradley]

hey splatoon fans, while you're waiting for side order i highly recommend playing TRON 2.0

it's a FPS sequel to TRON that came out in 2003. it's about the now-adult son of two of the main human characters from the original TRON movie getting sucked into a virus-infected computer, and in the process of trying to disinfect the computer, he uncovers a plot from the company taking over his parents' company to use their laser technology to digitize armies of humans and take over the world.

do i have you hooked yet?

if i don't, consider this: i'm recommending it in huge part because it's largely a story about jet, the protagonist, learning to reconnect with his dad after they both lost his mom, who died in a workplace laser accident and was most likely partially digitized. the digitization laser was her own life's work. the digitization AI, MA3A, takes on lora's voice after her death (and is voiced by lora's actress from the original film), and there are workplace rumors that it's because alan incorporated the digitized portions of her remains into MA3A's code. jet spends a lot of the game defending his mom's digital/digitized ghost from external threats.

what i'm getting at is that if you're excited for side order because of how it's hinted at dealing with themes of grief in a y2k digital landscape... they're mostly subtext in TRON 2.0 but i still think the game is seriously up your alley.

if you're a splatoon fan who hasn't played many other shooter games before, TRON 2.0 is a great introduction to the PC shooter world imo. if you're squeamish about blood/gore/giblets flying everywhere, there's none of that in TRON 2.0. if you're a splatoon fan because you like shooters but you've never given TRON 2.0 a chance, this is your sign!

some pros of TRON 2.0:

it looks fucking awesome

TRON 2.0 has a very turn-of-the-century take on the aesthetics of the original TRON. it predates tron legacy by seven years and it doesn't have any of that apple-store aesthetic. it's got all the juicy colors of the original film, with lots of crisp details that the original animation hardware couldn't handle. the digital world of TRON 2.0 only gets better every year with age. meanwhile it's got a (for its time) state-of-the-art glow mechanic that gives the game a very comforting soft feel.

and these are just the ones i've got on my own PC! (the last one i dont know if it's my, screenshot but the rest are from my own screenshots folder).

it can run on basically any PC

no, fr, this required some pretty good hardware when it came out... but the game turned 20 this year. i managed to run TRON on my old laptop after it very nearly split in half like a 2ds and took half an hour to boot by using my parents' TV as a monitor. it didn't even drop that many frames! this was in 2020. it didnt even have a graphics card.

yeah i was a grown adult when that photo was taken. no i dont care that i look 13. my car had just burst an engine rod in the middle of the desert about 48 hours before this was taken, so my fit wasn't really at the top of my priorities. (don't ask.)

you can get it DRM-free

don't get the steam version y'all, i can vouch for it being super glitchy. i can basically only run it while using mods to launch it without contacting steam. get it from gog.com.

ethics note: pirate the TRON movies as much as you want but im pretty sure the original company still gets some bucks when you buy 2.0 legally, and disney fucked them over pretty bad when it comes to the rights to TRON 2.0's characters and story, and they ripped off half the plot of the game to make the movie (and the movie is worse). if you don't wanna drop $10 wait for a gog sale and drop $3. (and honestly, if you're paying $20/year to get disconnected every 15 matches in splatoon, even paying $10 for a good retro game isn't the worst financial decision you've ever made.)

[talesfromsiteredacted]

Confessions Of a Type Green: Or, Just Your Friendly Neighborhood Bixby

Not a lot is known about the average reality bender, we know they can and often do fuck up reality, but no one really knows what life is like for one. Do Type Greens put on their socks one at a time, sort of stuff. Lucky for you reading this, there just happens to be one available for commentary. For the record, I can't speak for other Bixbies, but I still do one at a time. Surprise, your average reality bender is a lot like everybody else.

I still need an alarm clock to wake up. I still need to eat, sleep, drink, and relax like a normal person. In fact, a lot of benders just... do things the normal way most of the time. A type green raised with a loving family to provide a strong moral compass avoid using their powers at all, except when not doing so will get them killed or worse. A lot of it is instinctive, there's no Unseen University for this stuff. Thus, our "gifts" tend to be unpredictable. But, with careful training, we can become pretty good with control. It's a bit like riding a bicycle, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. But, much like riding a bicycle, it's important to do things safely.

Establishing boundaries early on in any relationship is important, so it's best to pick a few basic guidelines. Like, try not to kill anyone on accident or reflex. No using your abilities too quickly either, so build up to moving the mountain. No time travel, it never ends the way intended. Also, no warping people. No matter how much you'd like a certain coworker to forget a certain sea shanty. Do not call attention to yourself, just in case someone suspects what you are. So, as awesome as it might sound... no superhero suits. The Foundation boys are rough, but the GOC (much like Wu-Tang Clan) ain't nothing you want to fuck with.

Also, be very careful whom you tell anything to. People talk all the time, and especially about the weird shit they see. Why do y'all think Clef lies like a bad toupee all the time?

Now, onto the really boring, practical stuff (yes we HAVE to do things like this, unless you want to be unalived by a 50 caliber to the head). Tip one, hunger, thirst, exhaustion, even a common cold can mess with your powers. So, take care of yourself. No matter how small or grand, using your powers can and does take it out of you, especially at first. Stay fed, stay hydrated (yes coffee counts, but water is still a better option), get good sleep, and... chill. Bad self care does not directly kill, but it will suck if not done properly. Only a vacuum likes to suck.

Two, if you must alter your reality... think long and hard about unintended consequences. Clef did after the 2020 election. Big oops is right, Boss. No one wants to deal with Nazi Necromorphs because you ran late, decided to keep that traffic light green for just three more seconds, and almost get slammed by a guy in a self-driving electric car whose car did not know to stop. Yes, I exaggerate, but only to show the level of WTF that can go wrong here.

Three: as tempted as you might be, helping your friends out of every bad situation is a bad call. There's too much downside potential for it to go horribly wrong. If you cannot resist the urge to help, stick to plausible stuff. Like, say... your pal Ed owes this jerk a grand in cash, he's $100 short... and finds a c note in the jacket he borrowed off you, or just floating in the wind. That's relatively harmless. Or your grandmother finds the exact piece of carnival glass she missed out on at the church rummage sale for $1 or such. Little things.

Lastly for now, just try and not be an asshole. This world has too many as is. Be kind, be careful, don't overextend yourself. That being said, goodnight and good luck, fellow greens.

[selene-moonie]

How I got a macbook

The short of it is - I rekindled an old friendship about two weeks ago and while we were catching up, I mentioned that I needed a laptop since I was using my sister's own and my friend just offered me his macbook. I collected it later that day and have been using it since.

Side note: lately, I've realized that I don't need to tell stories (as in always relate the bridge of events) even if I think they're really interesting. Not really piggybacking off my last statement, this is one of my favorites to date because I wasn't even wondering about the bridge of events, I just kept telling myself that I have the laptop.

The long of it is this:

I was at the library where I frequent to do work and pull smalls (a colloquial term for making small talk, but mine personally is always entertaining conversations).

I had a meeting at 1 pm, and I had asked one of the library assistants if I could use the conference room. He assured me that I could, on the grounds that I took pictures with the animals for the conservation exhibit that was going on at the time. I agreed, obviously, and headed for the adult section.

While walking to the adult section, this guy I had blocked back in 2020 because he was high quality garbage called out to me saying, "Hi Selene," and I was like, "Hi Frank," and then I beelined for the adult section because I. Was not. Doing dis.

Y'all, I was in mild panic mode because of all the places to see this dude? The library? Literally, no one goes to this one because it sucks and is in a terrible location. I go there because there aren't a lot of people, the wifi is decent, it's really convenient for my commute and the staff members are all really nice to me. Why was he there? His sister was in charge of the animal exhibit and he was helping her.

But apparently, I was doing it because he followed me and we started talking. At first, I was like, wtf am I doing, then at some point, subconsciously, I decided we were friends again. The conversation was good and I caught him up on what I'd been doing lately since we hadn't spoken since mid-2020.

Stuff like this has been happening lately. Old, cool friends have been resurfacing, new ones have been appearing, and they all match my vibe these days.

My boss then messaged me to say that she'd be in office for the meeting, if I wanted to meet her there. I complained to my newly remade friend that it's kinda late for her to say stuff like that when I don't have enough time to make it there by one. He simply replied that he was going up on that side, so he could drive me there. Obviously I agreed because I didn't want to travel there. Good thing too because I forgot the charger and the laptop has no battery. Had I stayed, I'd have had to go back home to have the meeting anyway.

We dipped out of the library at around 12:20 pm, and while we were just catching up in the car, I told him that I'd been using my sister's laptop (ironically, he had given her that laptop). He just told me that he had a MacBook he wasn't using, so I could take it when we came back after my meeting.

I was like, "Are you fucking serious?"

He's like, "Yeah. It's not a problem. I have like two other computers."

And I was like, "Thank you so fucking much, I really appreciate that."

We continued catching up, I went to my meeting, he picked me up after, and we went to his house to get it. I've been using it since, and in fact, it's what I used to write this post.

Also, if you're wondering about what happened to the conference room... I did forget about that. When I went back to the library the following day, the library assistant did complain to me that I set him up, so we're good now.

Onto the manifesting side of things:

I just wanna say that I did get kinda desperate cuz I'd been needing a laptop for about 2 years at that point, but with my job being WFH and I didn't have enough cash for the laptop I wanted (a MacBook, obviously), I kicked my affirming into high gear.

Ya girl was not about to be waiting another six months or indefinitely for what she wanted. Especially since it was messing with my daily quality of life.

I think I was affirming for it for about a week before it showed up, but what I always made sure to do was remind myself that the lack of options in front of me did not affect the manifestation itself.

i.e. I'm gonna get it regardless of what's going on rn.

Anyways, I got it. I wasn't even thinking about what the bridge of events would have been.

Ya fave Moon Babe,

Selene 💜 🌚

[mangom1lk]

as someone whose mental state is always constructed based on the will of those around me, being plural kind of sucks

in *person* i am usually expected to be Elise (though this is not even always true because my family has yet to officially recognize my status as trans). no matter what, i am always in a physical environment that expects this of me. as such it's the default. i'm basically in a plural-egg state again where switches will occur at random and i won't know who i am 90% of the time.

it's only in specific online spaces (really this is dms with like 2 other systems and nobody else) where i feel anything else is ever expected of me. suddenly people miss my headmates. and i don't blame y'all! i miss them too. and it becomes so fucking frustrating for them to "front" (incredibly feebly) for like 2 hours and then for "me" to slip back in there. feels like none of us know anything anymore. when i'm constantly having my head shoved back down into the "questioning" pool even if i'm ready to come out i don't think that helps things

...i wish i were confident enough to come out to my therapist about being plural but honestly what the fuck would i even say?? "oh i used to be plural for 4 months at the end of 2020 and then a kind of ego death happened and now i can't tell what anything means"?? fuck

[callioope]

Month after month after month. For seventeen months. Seventeen months of figuring out when I’m going to ovulate. Seventeen months of timing. Of ovulation tests. Of paying way more attention to my body and its symptoms than seems sane. Seventeen times: hope, disappointment. 

I thought by now I’d really figured out my body’s symptoms, but apparently not. I really thought this would be the time. I really thought I knew it, like in my bones, that this was it. You may recall last month posting how I could tell the difference between symptoms. They seemed different this month, they really did.

And we needed a win this month.

I have not talked about this yet, but last month, my father-in-law suffered a heart attack. He was driving with my husband’s stepmom, and fortunately had the ability to pull over in time. But she does not really speak good English, and she had to get out of the car and flag someone down to call 911. It took the emergency responders 8 minutes to get to him, but we have no idea how long it took to place the call in the first place. They say if it takes 10 minutes -- 10 minutes of the heart not pumping blood to the brain -- they declare a person dead upon arrival. 

But it took them 8 minutes, so there was a chance. And that meant 3 weeks in a coma, monitoring brain activity that wasn’t getting better. They were able to treat his heart, and the doctor said he could have survived the heart attack. He did survive the heart attack. He did not survive the brain injury sustained because of the heart attack. 

As my father-in-law is Turkish, the family agreed that he’d want to be buried in Turkey. So my husband flew with his body to Turkey last week to bury him. He had to spend a week there, I think he said that was the minimum in order to get the round trip fare at a reasonable price. And with COVID, the whole idea of him travelling that far has been especially worrying.

He came home last night, but he’s quarantining at our place while I say with my parents in New Jersey. Their home is small and there’s really not a lot of space for me to work, I’m having to sit on a recliner and it’s really hard to feel energized to work. Especially with all the cramps and heartbreak of everything. I should probably just ask for the day off, but there’s an important meeting I need to attend at 1. Maybe I’ll sign off after that, I don’t know...

I just wish I could be with my husband right now. 

Our anniversary is on Tuesday, I was .... I was dreaming of calling him up and telling him we’d finally succeeded. We.... we talked about naming the kid after his dad... if we succeeded....

It feels like it’s never going to happen. It feels like I’m trying so hard for nothing. It feels like I don’t deserve it, it feels like the universe is telling me to give up, that I wouldn’t be a good mother, that I’m not worthy. It feels like something is wrong with my body and every time I talk to the doctor, they don’t seem worried, and well, in the moment, I’m like “herp derp they are a professional I should trust them” but then three -- five -- seventeen months later, I have nothing to show for that trust and a million questions. My friends got bloodwork done when they first started trying so they could address any hormonal roadblocks that could make conceiving more challenging. But my doctor said that wasn’t necessary because “when I get pregnant they’ll do the bloodwork.” 

I want to scream, I feel like you can’t trust medical professionals to catch any red flags. They didn’t take my seriously until the third time I mentioned that my periods are sort of worryingly light every month, when I specifically phrased it “they’re lighter since I came off the pill,” and even then, they just went “Oh? Hmm. Weird.” And didn’t follow up. No, all they said was, “well you got pregnant within a year so you must be fine.” (Miscarried in May, if you didn’t know. And they say that it’s so easy to get pregnant after you miscarrying. That like, most women get pregnant within 3-4 months of miscarrying. Further emphasizing that something is wrong with me and my body.)

I am going to be 33 in January. They say at 35 your chances start to reduce significantly. I worry about this all the time. I worry that I have PCOS and that it’s going to take me two years just to conceive the first time. I worry that the universe wants me to give up, that something is wrong with me physically or mentally, that I just don’t deserve it. I have so many friends who get pregnant immediately after going off the pill, like it’s so easy. We’d dreamed of being parents together, of shared play dates, and their child gets older and older and... 

It just feels like it’s not in the cards. 

I recently (accidentally) read an untagged pregnancy fic where they had trouble conceiving -- a whole whopping 4 months. I remember when 4 months felt like forever. I feel like a fool now, of course, and it made me so angry to see that. They said in that fic that it takes 78 times of having sex to succeed, but I don’t understand that statistic because -- they say most couples conceive with one year, although most conceive within 3-4 months of trying. But they also say that you shouldn’t have sex too frequently because it doesn’t give the sperm enough time to regenerate. (You should wait two days between trying.) Also, there’s really only like 6 days per month worth trying, that’s during your fertility window. But you have to have sex every other day during that 6 day window, so that means 3 times per month for 12 months is only 36 times. 

AT ANY RATE.

YOU SEE. YOU SEE THE MADNESS involved in this process? Every month I pee in a cup and I take a test to see if I’m ovulating yet. And it SUCKS. I HATE IT. I hate doing it. But if I don’t do it, I won’t know when I ovulate, which means I won’t time it right. 

And sex starts to feel like a chore.... and it shouldn’t. It feels like it should just be magical. And it isn’t. 

It’s so hard. It’s so demoralizing. It’s so frustrating to see babies. My mom going on about how fertile her friends are and how they’re having another kid. Hearing that the friend in HS who told me, when I said I wanted to have kids some day, that she “wanted to amount to more than a baby making machine” .... and she just.... immediately got pregnant and here I am. A dream I’ve had, to start a family, a dream that has been mocked, and I’m still waiting. 

I’m so tired.

And I feel guilty because I know that some people have waited even longer.

And I feel scared because I know that some people have waited even longer.

I feel scared with the limited knowledge I have of what the fertility process looks like. I don’t want to have to go to the doctor every other day. But it looks like maybe I’ll have to? At least, eventually?

It’s just heartbreaking. I really needed a break this month, but 2020 continues to be demoralizing. Sometimes it feels like... what am I even doing trying this hard to bring a kid into this world at all. Maybe that’s what the universe is telling me. I certainly had friends in HS who said as much -- that they couldn’t fathom bringing a child into this horrible world -- and that was like, back in the 2000s, before a disaster like 2020 could even be imagined.

Well. Anyways. Thanks for reading my rant. This was cathartic, screaming into the void. 

[bushfulofbirds]

4/

Wonder if he ever threaded the needle through the argument that "hey maybe those henchmen Salem was talking about in v4 could have actually been those WF goonies instead, and Adam could have contributed to that splinter group of people and partnered w Salem over a very in-character diplomacy and a shared agenda rather than a racism plot and a death threat (AND it would also be able to fit the clash of ideals and Blake's near miss from working for Salem OUHGUHGH WOAUUGHH!!!!). There were so many more constructive ways to string this together (I understand that me phrasing it this was is a rewrite, but holy shit this is extremely lacking in my opinion. I understand his point esp while w the context of being written during the height of the 2020 BLM protests but there absolutely exist more civil ways to criticise this than just calling them "deeply stupid").

OK we're through this shitshow, back over to Monty talk

"Oops I spent so long re-hashing my points in different flavours and making jokes trashing on CRW,BY that I completely neglected the room to talk about how much I love my sweet angel Monty"

Woah he acknowledges that by removing any potential conflicts via a very tragic circumstance the show suffers from less writing conflicts and can actually start picking itself up but is also still handled by two people who suck and are underqualified for this gig woaughghhg

"Look I KNOW I said I wanted more exposition when it's necessary but I also HATE EXPOSITION!!!!!!"

I have to admit that golf gag was kinda funny at least

[Monty fight] man I wish there was more lore here. Post-Monty action: *has more writing* wait fuck GO BACK GO BACK-

"Man there's barely any characterisation being made here. :/" also when fights are used to introduce and characterise the characters in it: 😡

Also I find it interesting that he comments that Qrow's only gotten namedropped in v3 when he's also named in v1 (both by Ozpin and Ruby in chp1 and in the message he sends Oz at the end of chp16) and by Yang in v2 chp6

He literally went over the amount of homages and inside jokes in early RW,BY etc. and now characters referencing nyan cat and minecraft (coming from a company with a big GAMING content focus) are suddenly too far-fetched? Flynt Coal being pretty unsavoury sure but really

It's not that funny bro it's just trumpet.

OH DW IF YOU HATE THIS IT'S OK QROW DOES TOO XD

I hate that the way the plot picks up in v3 is actually, in my personal opinion, pretty well done but hey lore dump is lore dump and it WILL get the shit treatment here regardless!

Insistence on the whole thing being an ATLA rip-off again and treating it as if it basically reinvented the concept of reincarnation and elemental powers in media

I also think it's kinda silly glossing over v2 as just "oh Monty's fights are what gives these girls 100% of their character development here" while ignoring literally every other facet of the show at this stage and choosing to hyperfocus on BTS stuff, Velvet and CFVY instead, riding on v1's flaw of Jaune getting a lot of screentime.

If we're riding on the same wave as this video the main point to cover here is actually how a lot of the ways hbomb presents these issues are two sided, though the video does everything in its power to absolve Monty of that supposed lack of communication and lay it all on M&K. The guy came in with a vendetta and grabbed all the straws to commit to the bit.

Even within actually gushing over how good a certain sequence is there's just no letting go of the bad faith jabs. I can take a fucking joke but this is not it.

"RW,BY PEAKED at the fall of beacon y'all. This is the MAGNUM OPUS of the whole thing man. RIP Neo clearly yet another victim of these two fuckers not fucking knowing what the hell they're on about"

I think calling everything outside the Fall of Beacon a "shame" is kinda extreme tbh. But hey that's what happens when you nitpick what parts of meta and what limitations in production you wanna focus on to further a personal vendetta ig.

He just debunked his entire video within 20 seconds of the conclusion

Holy shit bro why make an entire video shitting on these guys' AMATEUR EARLY ON-THE-FLY WRITING WORK if you're just gonna flip the whole thing over it's own head within the last five minutes of the RANT

I hate that this acts like there's been zero improvement on the part of writing, pacing, story beats etc. since volume 5. It just leaves it as "this peaked at volume 3 don't bother with the rest just go watch some certified classic S-tier anime instead" and just lives with that.

If this guy would ever see so many creative professionals' portfolios and resumes out there I get the genuine feeling he'd block his ears and shut his eyes going tomato tomato at some of the stuff he'd see there

"Because the storytelling isn't there" or decent production management. Or decent budgets. Or decent timeframes to complete stuff. Or decent working hours. Or-

You can have bad storytelling (or stuff that doesn't sit with you or click with you as well as others) but have some incredible production going into it because it has the right people and resources around it. It can work both ways. This can even apply to something considered OBJECTIVELY GOOD who would've fucking thought

I love that this conclusion makes it look like there's so much focus being had on how production affects the final result which is factually correct but the video's body only really concentrates on what mishandlings happened in the writing room without any actual discussion of production heads. The only time people like Gray Haddock and Burnie Burns have been brought up are in brief interview segments and panel recordings and even that's the absolute stripped naked minimum. It's really distasteful.

Woah what a fucking great video this is for not being monetised. What a relief.

Tired RW,BY fan braves hbomb video after three years (he finally downloaded it of Internet Archive), more at 12

[poisonousquinzel]

Hey y'all, I really hate to be making a post like this, but in true 2020 2.0 fashion, life has been... rough.

I've been trying to get a job in my city since May, but I've been denied because of my health issues.

We also don't have a car. And our town is small so while we technically have a bus, it comes by near my house once per day and isn't reliable.

My mom can't work and my step dad's online work has been stretched dry recently so he's been making bare minimum for months.

I had been under the impression in the beginning of May that I would have the assistance of my parents in this, I've never done most of this before and they made it sound like my mom would help me.

However that wasn't really the case, personal stuff happened for them and I don't necessarily blame them for that, but then in June I got denied for a job because "I have too many health issues" and my step dad told me that we'd get back to it after my birthday. (Post 12th)

I've asked my step dad every morning when I wake up what we're going to do that day, because he had said he was going to be the one handling the job stuff when we started again.

And every day we've done whatever it is he said. We walked up to 7-11, turned in an application, looked up online jobs, etc.

We did the same on Wednesday and the only reason I didn't keep looking into more of them that afternoon was because I had a migraine. And when I have migraines they're not just headaches and they're not just migraines.

It's something I've been working through with my doctor about, because my previous long term doctor since childhood was completely incompetent at her job.

When I get migraines, it makes me nauseous. And being nauseated makes my heart slow down and I faint or collapse.

I can't sleep, it hurts to close my eyes or move them behind my eyelids. It feels like it's sparking against metal with every movement.

I've had to go to the hospital for it in the past when I collapsed into a pile of bags and was barely breathing, my previous doctor just... didn't look at the hospital's report on my visit. Like when I tell you in hindsight she really sucked, she really fucking sucked.

So, yeah, I slept a lot on Wednesday. I wasn't thrilled about it either.

And I told my step dad that I'd do all that stuff on Thursday.

My physical state was pretty visibly clear, I couldn't leave my extra darkened room without wearing sunglasses even though it was 8:30 at night.

But, then on Thursday instead I got into a really heated discussion with the two of them.

And... I am just very, very tired now.

I panic called my therapist 5 times in less than 10 minutes afterwards. It was a really bad day.

Thankfully I was able to get back to back emergency appointments with her and my doctor yesterday morning so dw emotionally wise. But I don't know how I'd be fairing if I hadn't been able to get those scheduled.

But Long Story Short:TLDR: we are a couple of weeks away from being on the streets.

Or in a shelter. We wouldn't be able to bring any of our cats. We would lose all of them.

I don't want to beg, but I suppose I am cause I'm terrified

We're behind on bills and next months are just around the corner, we've run out of local resources here that can help. I don't know all of the specifics, but I do know we're out of options.

If you're in a good financial situation and you feel like it, if you can, literally anything would help.

It'd mean the world. I don't want to end up on the streets or in a shelter, and I really don't want to lose my cats.

I can't.

They're the only thing keeping me going, so, please

PayPal •

its.me.ya.frustrated.girl@gmail.com

Cashapp • $Poisonousquinzel

reblogs and signal boosting are also super appreciated!!

[aitirian]

Italy once again shows how it sucks to be italian.

There was a "law" that was being discussed to become an actual law, it was about gay, trans and disabled people rights. Guess what? It didn't pass, we still don't have a law that can protect us from queerphobes! And what did some Italians do? FUCKING CELEBRATED LIKE THEY WON A FOOTBALL MATCH

Italy, sucks right now. The law (Ddlzan) has been refused after MONTHS on wait, it's been months since this law was first mentioned!!!

And the funny thing is that this law adds aggravating factors to hate crimes based on sexual orientation, gender identity or any disability. Straight people complained about how this law was "heterophobic" and "made no sense" because it didn't cover straight and cisgender people anyway, instead, if the sexually oriented hate crime was aimed at a straight person the aggravating circumstances would enter in action (not that it's ever going to happen lol), the DDLZAN hits straight people too. I don't really understand what their problem was.

I'm really angry right now honestly.

Queer Italians and real allies won't stop fighting for the Ddlzan to be approved, we NEED this law!

From 2012 to 5 October 2020, 876 episodes were recorded by us in Italy, for a total of 1,166 victims, but we do not claim to have compiled an exhaustive list. There are still all the episodes in which the victims or their families, perhaps for reasons that cannot be shared but to be respected, did not have the courage to expose themselves in the absence in Italy of a specific law that protects them.

This is for my Italians fellas or people who knows italians

I'm so sorry those are in Italian!!!

Each bar represents a month and is divided into segments of different colors. Each segment indicates the number of victims affected by acts belonging to the same type: single assaults (red), multiple assaults (i.e. to several people together)(blue), murders(black), suicides(yellow), suicide attempts (i.e. suicides saved in extremis)(pink), non-physical acts (such as removal from home or from school or from work or from a public place, defamation etc.) (Green) and lastly other (grey)

(there wasn't the black, yellow and grey options :( sorry)

I think this speak by itself.

there is a very notable peak in July 2018, coinciding with the rise of the League to the government and an identical precipice in September 2019, coinciding with the fall of the same government.

(I would just say that there surely are some victims of queerphobes that didn't report what happened so aren't included in the graphic or analysis)

Found something in English for y'all.

This explains everything better then i do and they're probably better informed than I am.

Some articles about some homophobic attacks in Italy, there isn't everything of course but i think you understand how much we

NEED

The Zan law.

I don't even know what *I* could do to help. I'm just 16! I don't know how I can help you rise my rights as a queer person...

If you have any idea please share! I wanna do something to help more concretely.

Please, don't ignore this.

[shinesurge]

I like complaining about America's fucked up medical system whenever I get the chance, so y'all might remember that I was hospitalized last year (2020(not covid-related)) and had to have emergency surgery. It was fine tho, it all went down okay and we have pretty good insurance through my partner's job at Cumberland University so we weren't hurting too much once the projectile vomiting stopped.

A bunch of shit happened between then and now and I decided I wanted to get top surgery, the reasoning split about 50/50 between gender reasons and the fact that my mother was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer at 32, which eventually killed her. Every birthday's a little spookier for me, so I figured it was time to see about fixing that instead of waiting around for the bombs strapped to my chest to destroy me lmao. It turns out our insurance has a pretty extensive policy about trans health and I fit the criteria perfectly! So we went about getting this done as quickly as possible, which naturally turned into six months of waiting for a consult, then another month waiting for my therapist to write me a letter, then once we'd jumped through all the hoops there was another month and a half of waiting for that insurance to clear. 

Which it didn't! After some confusion about why the system was refusing to cover a perfectly valid case, we dug around enough to figure out Cumberland University has manually set up exclusions in its insurance for gender affirming surgery and procedures. We went around with them for another month, they asked me to prove that trans healthcare is medically necessary and I did so to the best of my ability (mostly with excellent resources other trans folks in similar situations had compiled). In the end they offered us thoughts and prayers and the assurance that "the denial remains - for now." So perhaps something will change their minds some day, but I am not that thing today.

Essentially, the cost of the surgery would have been our deductible and that would have been unpleasant but perfectly managable for us. Now, since we aren't being allowed to use the insurance we pay for, we have to pay over twice as much entirely out of pocket which is. Frustrating. 

I know we're luckier than most in this situation in that this doesn't take the surgery completely off the table, but to be honest the thought of having to pay this money while our insurance wants to cover the procedure is eating at me. We don't have the money or the resources to pursue legal action, and frankly I don't want to wait another number of legal-system-years for the surgery or sink mine and my partner's time into fighting with this institution, so as much as it sucks we're going to have to just let it go and pay the money and continue to pay for this insurance because it's functioning well for us otherwise. We would also like for my partner not to lose their job, which supports us both right now and allows me to keep making comics and us two queers to sleep safely at night. Causing a fuss and geting them fired over this would just give this university even more sway in our lives than it's already got. My therapist is proud of my radical acceptance skills but I'm not sure what amount of therapy I'd need to be cool with all of this lol

I hate that I was in a perfect position to advocate for myself and other trans people who might come through here after me and I wasn't convincing enough to get this fixed for any of us. I know it's not my job to fix everything, and I feel good about what positive queerness I manage with my comic most of the time but this seemed like some amount of tangible change I could help with in my own community. It's disappointing that wasn't the case. There's nothing else substantial for me to do, but I CAN complain on the internet and let people know this happened instead of this whole thing existing behind closed doors, and that's going to have to be enough. Aside from my jokey Read My Comic posts I try really hard not to ask people to share things because we're all tired of sharing things, but this one time I'd really appreciate it if you could.

I wasn't going to crowdfund for this surgery because I thought insurance would cover it and others need it more but, well. I know if I don't do it myself people will ask, so if you feel so inclined, the GoFundMe is over here. I wrote this post out for tumblr first and basically edited it to look more friendly to real life folks who might look at the crowdfunding page so you're pretty much already caught up if you decide to go that route lol

Thank you very much for reading this. 

[uselessheretic]

sorry i hate that stupid twitter thread about how baby gays dont understand how its actually good that corporations do gay pride things bc i feel like its indicative of exactly whats wrong with rainbow capitalism

like oh? wells fargo gave you a mortgage? thats cool except wells fargo is constantly in lawsuits over their discriminatory practices towards black people. like they're in one right now! they had to pay 175 million for one in 2012! and 7.8 million for hiring discrimination in 2020! and another 10 million to philadelphia in 2019!!

wells fargo was also a major funder for the dakota access pipeline

and only stopped funding prisons and immigration detention centers in 2019

and it's just admittedly a bit frustrating because this is honestly pretty well known because wells fargo is infamous for just really fucking sucking. and it's frustrating that the concern over rainbow capitalism is swept away as children not knowing what they're talking about because the world used to be so much more homophobic when 1. lgbt teens are currently right now under attack and i wish people would stop pretending like they are not??? and 2. just because things are better for white gays doesnt mean it's better for everyone else

like congrats! you can get a loan from the bank! but do you know how fucking bad the black-white wealth gap is in america?

housing discrimination is one of the most crucial pieces to the disenfranchisement of black americans. redlining has crippled black americans ability to own wealth and it's getting worse.

it's not just an issue of "there's no ethical consumption under capitalism" it's an unwillingness to acknowledge the brutality poc are facing from these corporations where it's then brushed away as childish complaints instead of centuries worth of violent oppression.

we can't just say "well things were worse and even though it's not perfect at least things are better" because that's only true for some people. a refusal to confront the harm of rainbow capitalism is an expression of apathy. it's an admittance of "i got mine so fuck y'all" demonstrating once again how many white lgbt people don't want to end oppression, but instead want to be elevated into the same positions of power as the rest of their white class.

[lovemeleo]

Me without You (Part 2)

Alrighty y'all, it's finally here. Time for Part 2 of Me without You! Though they didn't know it, the discord server helped choose the ending for this one.

Nuny and the SW world belong to the lovely @lumosinlove.

If you haven't read it yet, here's Part 1 and you can read my entire Nuny series here on ao3.

***

It’s been three days since Zhenya left, and Jackson had never felt so lost. Normally at the end of a season, they’d take a breather for a couple days, just chill around the house. Sometimes they’d even go on a road trip. Jackson tended to get inside his head a bit so it was better to be out of the house.

He hadn’t gotten much sleep after his conversation with Zhenya the night before. There was around a 7 hour time difference so they tried to keep the conversations to decent times to not mess up sleep patterns too much, but Zhenya had plans with family the entire day, planning to slowly begin the process of coming out. Instead of his normal afternoon call time, Zhenya called him as soon as he got up which meant Jackson didn’t get to sleep until around 1am.

Waking up the following morning was a bit rough, his warm bed still calling his name as he dragged himself to the kitchen for coffee. Jackson didn’t want to stay in bed though. Zhenya wasn’t there, so what was the point?

He wasn’t the only one who was not taking Zhenya’s absence well. The cats were confused about their missing dad as well. Loki had climbed up on top of the fridge, waiting for Zhenya to take him down but he never came. Jackson had to get a chair so he could reach the giant cat and help him down. Pumpkin had taken to sleeping on the Russian man’s pillow, and Milo tended to look for him in the shower. Milo and Pumpkin were still sprawled on Zhenya’s side of the bed when he left but Loki trailed after him.

Jackson went to pull down his coffee mug, reaching for Zhenya’s as well before he realized it wasn’t needed. Damn.. maybe this was going to be harder than expected. Setting the Stormtrooper mug back in the cabinet, he filled the cats’ bowls as the coffee brewed. He was even more off-kilter than usual today, anxious for Zhenya who would be going through the difficult steps of coming out to his parents. Jackson remembers how nervous he was when he told his parents, but he was lucky. He had Zhenya next to him.

Maybe he should just fly to Russia.. Just to be safe. What if he needed him? No.. Zhenya said he had to do this by himself. This had been a frequent argument he had with himself since the moment he left the airport.

Today, he was getting out of the house. Smitty had called, asking him if he wanted to come out with him and his kids. He was taking the three to the zoo so Allison could get some rest, and asked if Jackson minded being an extra pair of hands. Eager to get out of the house and see the little munchkins he had very quickly come to love, Jackson said yes.

To be honest, he was pretty sure Zhenya had told Smitty to keep an eye on him.

After a quick shower, Jackson pulled on Zhenya’s hoodie from when he played for the Flames over one of his t-shirts. It was one of Zhenya’s favorite hoodies, worn and soft in all the right places. It was also Jackson’s favorite to steal. He loved that it was big on him and just felt like Zhenya was wrapped all around him.

As he pulled his shoes on, the doorbell went off. His eyebrows furrowed as he glanced up at the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone. When he opened the door, Brady was standing there.

“Hey, man. Thought I’d just pick you up since you’re on the way.” He said with a smile, pulling Jackson in for a hug.

Jackson couldn’t help but lean into the hug, the lack of human interaction obviously getting to him. “Sounds like a plan to me. Thanks.” He grabbed his wallet and keys after pulling away, making sure his phone was tucked into his pockets.

Brady led the way to his car, climbing in the driver's seat, “I appreciate you coming with me. Don’t know that I'd be able to handle all three of these hooligans by myself at the zoo.” He said, glancing back at his kids with a grin.

A chorus of “Uncle Nado!!” came from the backseat, Brady’s youngest cheering from her carseat in the middle. Olivia was born not long after the 2020 season, and was coming up on two years.

“Hello, tiny gremlins!” Jackson said with a laugh, pulling on his seatbelt as Brady started towards the Gryffindor Zoo.

The kids were already bouncing in their seats, rambling over each other as they talked about all the animals they were going to see. Max was excited for the aquarium while Noah just wanted to see the Lions, of course. Olivia’s favorites were the penguins.

“Allison told me they’re allowed one plushy per kid this time.” Brady said with a huff. Jackson couldn’t help but laugh at his friend. Last time they had gone to the zoo, their entire van was filled with plushies. Brady had tried to blame Jackson, and while he had bought them all one or two, Brady was the main culprit.

Getting everyone out of the car was an adventure all its own. They had to bring the double stroller because Olivia spent most of the time in there, as she still got tired easily and while Noah said he was going to walk the whole time like his big brother Max, he usually ended up climbing in the stroller once or twice. Little legs could only carry you so far.

The lions were right in the front when they got in, Noah running as fast as he could to the railing of the exhibit, “Dad, Uncle Nado, Look! They’re just like you!” He said, his face lighting up as he watched the lions prowling.

“Yeah, bud. That one even has long hair like Uncle Nado.” Brady said with a grin, pointing out the male lion with the full mane.

Jackson laughed, leaning on the railing next to them as he held Olivia’s hand, “You’re just mad ‘cause Allison won’t let you grow your hair out.” Brady shoved him, laughing as they carried on throughout the zoo.

They made their way into the aquarium, the kids running ahead a bit to see all the different fish with Jackson and Brady following at a more leisurely pace.

“So…” Brady said, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

Jackson let out a huff, “Here it comes…”

Letting out a chuckle, Brady elbowed him in the ribs, “Hey, don’t be a shit. I just wanted to ask how you were doing. It’s been a long couple months for you with your leg, and then with Zhenya being gone.. Just wanted to check.”

“I’m alright.. Leg doesn’t really bother me, been keeping up with my exercises from PT. And Zhenya.. I miss him. It’s only been three days but fuck I miss him.” Jackson replied, tugging on the sleeves of his hoodie as he watched the kids.

Brady squeezed his shoulder, his eyes flickering between his kids and Nado, “That’s normal, Jax. I’d say it would be abnormal if you didn’t miss him.”

A shriek from Olivia had both their heads whipping in her direction, but it seemed to be one of delight. Her face lit up as a turtle swam past the window again. Both men let out a quiet sigh of relief.

“I know it’s normal. I just- I just wish I could be there for him, y’know? It was hard enough for me to come out to my folks, and I knew they would be supportive. He doesn’t have that luxury, that knowing.” Jackson said with a sigh, his hand absentmindedly checking that his phone was in his pocket.

Brady let out a soft sigh as he nodded, “It sucks, it really does but no matter what happens, he knows he has you. He’s got the team. We’re all here for him.”

Jackson could only nod, a shaky breath falling from his lips as they reached the end of the aquarium. Olivia ran back to him as quickly as her little legs would take her, automatically reaching up to him. “Up? Up please?” She said, puppy dog eyes in full effect.

As if he could say no to that face. Jackson quickly swooped her up, setting her on his hip as they carried on. After a couple hours of walking around, they stopped at one of the restaurants to grab something to eat.

“We still have to see Liv’s penguins, Dad.” Noah pointed out as he ate a couple of his french fries, a map of the zoo in between himself and Max.

Brady was already nodding as he wiped up Olivia’s face, sauce from her pizza smeared across her chubby cheeks, “We’re not gonna miss the penguins.” Jackson couldn’t help the fond smile as he watched his friend with his kids. He always enjoyed watching their family dynamic, and just being with them. Normally Zhenya would be there too, throwing the boys over his shoulders and running around with them or letting Olivia play with his hair.

Damn, Jackson missed him.

And then, as if he knew Jackson’s phone went off with Zhenya’s ringtone. It was the Imperial March from Star Wars, and it had been his ringtone for as long as Jackson could remember. Brady shooed him off as soon as he heard the ringtone, reassuring Jackson that he could handle his own kids for a little bit.

Stepping out of the restaurant, Jackson quickly answered the phone, a smile spreading on his face, “Hey baby, I was just thinkin-”

His smile dropped as he was cut off by a sob from the other end of the line.

“Zhenya? Babe? What’s wrong? You gotta talk to me, baby, you’re scaring me.” Jackson pleaded, his heart feeling as though it was shattering at the sound of his boyfriend falling apart.

His breathing was ragged as Zhenya let out another sob before he finally was able to get it out: “T-They kick me out. M-My Mama and Papa, they kick me out.”

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