#14x11 meta

[shallowseeker]

Dean's farewell tour + avoiding Cas, Part 1

SPN 14x11, 14x12, 14x14:

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

When Dean has decided to "check out" of the fight in 14x11 Damaged Goods and 14x12 Prophet and Loss, we get a wonderful tale of leaning on your brother and mother to find strength to face your battles. Dean goes on a little farewell tour and starts to open up to friends and family, mustering up physical affection and attempting the important emotional conversations surrounding regrets/love that he's always wanted to communicate with them (outlined below).

Cas n' Jack, sidestepped:

But when Dean decides to throw himself into the ocean, he leaves out Cas and Jack. Why? Because, as he admits in 14x12, he can't afford to get "shaky:"

Sam, for all his emotional analytics, fails to recognize the gravity of this giant omission. Omission is admission. Cas and Jack are the things that would get Dean not to jump into the ocean. That's why Dean is avoiding them. Dean doesn't want to get emotional and change his mind. Sam, bless him, has a great deal of cognitive empathy, but he misses giant neon signs like this pretty often during the course of Supernatural. (Geez, I love that about him.)

Here, Sam is stuck in a childish arrested development. That is, he assumes Mary and Dean are mostly focused on Sam himself and thus Sam holds the most sway on family decision-making.

Sam often seems to lack a high degree of natural emotional empathy. He has to work at it. (I think Dean and Cas seem to connect more with other characters: they often showcase true emotional empathy and are typically a little more insightful. Soulless Jack aside, this is a trait Jack shares with Dean and Cas.)

Sam will miss the point when Cas tentatively suggests that he himself speak with Dean. With time ticking away, Sam'd rather have Cas on research duty, and that's not impractical, per se…

Next to Sam, Cas is THE guy for coming up with creative solutions, so Sam wants him looking for Sergei and angel-speed-reading through the Lore. The only time Sam breaks with wanting Cas on strategy will be in terminal SPN, in episode 15x17: "Just get home."

///

At the end of 14x11, Dean will tell Sam that he's the last person he can be around, perhaps the even only person who can talk him out of this. This could be true. So why is Dean avoiding Cas then?

A) Cas holds more sway than Dean can admit to others, it's a sway he can barely even face.

B) Maybe Dean believes Cas can't talk him out if it, but Dean can't emotionally handle a big farewell without accidentally telling Cas...things. The last time Dean tried, there was a time pressure: Amara. Dean was able to safely deliver a neutral best friend-brothers-in-arms speech. This time, he fears it won't go that smoothly.

Now, he's either afraid he'll say too much to Cas...or too little. It's distinctiy different in character to the others. Dean even seems to get a little flustered in 14x12 when Cas calls him on the phone.

It’s a glaring tell.

///

Sam:

Previously, in 14x11, when Dean is processing his goodbye to Sam, he hugs him, something that immediately sets off Sam's spidey senses, as they're not a "huggy" family. Dean hugs Sam:

///

Sam sounds the alarm to Mary (and presumably to Cas):

///

Later in 14x12, Dean is able to drudge out his practices, heavy Big Goodbye speech to Sam, apologizing for their childhood and letting loose a lifetime of regrets. Indirectly, he's telling Sam he loves him. This is a pretty remarkable show of emotion, one that Dean will mirror with Mary during their cooking adventure.

Dean digs up his deepest emotions surrounding his history with Sam and opens up about them here:

///

Donna:

In 14x11, with Mary and Donna, Dean is partially motivated to make use of the cabin, but he emotionally cannot resist including Donna is his goodbye tour.

They chat about relationships and kids over burgers.

Dean resists big emotional speeches with Donna. Despite her ditzy act, she's too astute.

But he is warm and physically affectionate--this is Dean's actual default when handling emotion he can actually bear to handle:

///

Mary and Cas next...

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CXVI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

The Mal'ak Box Symbolism

(14x11/14x12)

Hi My lovelies! Today we are gonna talk about another Dean's emotional prison: The Mal'ak Box.

This meta is a resume of my season 14 metas from these episodes.

You can find 14x11 and 14x12 here: X, X, X, X, X and X.

Coming Back to the Prison

The whole episode 14x11 was Dean saying goodbye to his beloveds (Sam, Donna and Mary). Avoiding to face Castiel because even when he said Sam was the only one who could convince Dean to not do that, Castiel was the only one who could really stop him.

There was a few things I want to point out before jumping to next episode:

Mary and Donna talking about their break ups with their lovers' was a foreshadow for the incoming Destiel break up.

The Mal'ak Box was a symbolic representation of Dean in the closet and writers pushing him there (yeah, writers and C*W). By making AUMichael (Dean's toxic masculinity) hitting his head each time he was thinking in a way out. This way out means Dean accepting his feelings for Castiel and finally confessing his love for him.

Dean's ILY Journey was following it's steps by telling Sam'I love you guys for trying', after his ILY to his mom in episode 12x20, interrupted again in episode 15x09. So sad.

Another important addition to the symbolism of the construction of this box was the fact that while Dean was making it, there was sparkles in the air and the sparkles were showering hot brunette shirtless cowboys that were blatantly Castiel's mirror. This was because Dean was thinking about Castiel while he was making that box to repress his feelings for him forever.

Dean and words

Writing just a few words about the whole biblical symbolism of episode 14x12, the only important point was each one of the references were linked to the sacrifice of the first born, it means, to Dean and his Mal'ak Box. But it was also preluding Jack's death at the end of the season. And the attempt of Dean of killing him.

Another creepy thing was Nick and Lucifer representing a dar Destiel mirror. The whole prayer to Luci in the Empty and the awakening of Lucifer through Nick's longing just like Dean did through his longing and Jack with Castiel in the Empty (13x03). And I innocently thought it was a foreshadow of Dean rescuing Castiel from the Empty at the end of the show. (Sobs loudly).

I'm gonna focus this second half just on the two Destiel scenes in episode 14x12.

So... Bc Castiel represents everything Dean wants and represents everything what he can't have and is reminding him all the time that HE'S LOVED AND HE DESERVES TO BE SAVED AND HE IS WORTH IT, he needs to AVOID HIM. Bc the FIRST BORN SACRIFICE REQUIRES NOT HAVE THIS THINGS.

The first one was the phonecall.

Gif set credit @starsmish

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

I wrote all of those thoughts after comparing Dean Winchester's communicating his feelings to his brother (which he does it well and honest) against Dean Winchester communicating his feelings to Castiel (a perfect failure).

This is because Sam represents Family Love and Castiel romantic love, which make things more difficult to Dean.

Now, let's go to thw Hospital and Dr. Cas (fanservice and a delight to see).

The dialogue between Dean and Castiel was full of second meanings.

CAS: Hey, Dean. What happened to him – that was my fault. It was necessary. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t regret it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that there could’ve been another way.

DEAN: I know the feeling.

CAS: Oh, no. No, please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just stop.

DEAN: Okay, alright. Why don’t we talk about that later?

CAS: Because, according to your plan, there won’t be a later.

This is funny, because is Dean the one bringing the topic and when Castiel tries to keep talking about it, with his obvious against the plan position, Dean is avoiding it again.

DEAN: Cas… if you are a friend of mine, then you will understand that I have to do this and you won’t try to stop me. You think this is easy on me? It has to be done.

Gif set credit @starsmish.

Castiel shooting again with honesty, and Dean... Can't respond... But look at his face. He swallows, dimples of discontent, and the movement of his face and his eyes are saying: "Please don't make me say it... I could never say goodbye to you."

To Conclude:

I think the Mal'ak box was a recoil of Dean's character and it was a prelude of his sad ending.

The differences between San and Dean communication and Dean and Castiel communication are huge. The centric meaning in all of that is because Sam represents family and Castiel represents Dean's love interest, everything what Dean wants and he can't have.

Hope you liked this one, see you in the next one.

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @dizzypinwheel @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @belacoded @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @deancasgirl777

If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season here you have the links:

Vol. CIX, CX, CXI, CXII, CXIII, CXIV, CXV.

Buenos Aires June 6 2021 2:32 PM

[ohsamulet]

14x14 rambling:

Anybody else sobbing over how guilty Sam looked in this scene? Because of course he blames himself. He knows that Dean would have gone through with his plan if Sam hadn’t played the little-brother card on him, so all these deaths are on him, right? Except that Dean really blames himself for them, he says so literally right before he says "I told you".

Dean isn't angry at Sam, he's angry at himself, and that anger has to go somewhere, and the easiest target right then and there is Sam. Because Dean isn't wrong, he DID tell Sam that this was going to happen. Did he still allow Sam to talk him out of it? Yes, he did. And he's aware of the fact that it was his own decision in the end; it was his decision to risk setting an archangel loose on humanity because he couldn't watch his brother cry, just like Sam decided to take that same risk because he couldn't watch his brother die.

And now they both blame themselves.

And I'm not sure about Dean, but I'm convinced that Sam, at least, doesn't regret it. He definitely feels guilty as hell, yes, and he’s going to beat himself up about this forever probably, but he wouldn’t change anything. Because this way, Dean is alive and as safe as he could possibly be in this situation, and he’s with him. And Dean means more to him than anything else in the entire world – including the entire world. And if their places in this situation were reversed, Dean would feel the same way.

Tl;dr: the brothers are choosing each other over everything once again and god i love this show so much

[amwritingmeta]

14x11 and 14x12: Epic Bookends

Found this in drafts and I thought I’d post it. Interesting how the breaking of the codependency has been pulled on with ever increasing sincerity since 13x20. In 15x05 it was a stark thread running through the episode and no, I do not believe the answer to how best to break it is through one brother killing the other. I mean, seriously tut, Chuck, tut. :)

TFW are going through a bit of a tough time, aren’t they? Poor men. Isn’t it glorious? Okay, don’t get me wrong, I feel for them, but all the things that this tough time might be setting up for is making me want to shimmy-shake.

Firstly, I’d like to outline my view of Dean and how I see him relating himself to Sam this season, because these bookends are all about commenting on the breaking codependency.

The codependency, to my mind, was cracked down the middle in 13x20, in that final scene, where Dean realises what his view on life, and family, has meant for Sam’s view on life and family -->

This view is not what Dean wants for Sam. This attitude of them being so closely tied to one another that whatever happens to one of them, happens to both of them, is unhealthy, and Dean’s eyes finally opened to this fact as he, through Sam’s statement, realised exactly how toxic his influence has been on Sam, and it lent him an important tool to begin digging into the self-reflection that’s been going on this season.

Because why has his influence been toxic? Where does this toxicity stem from? Having his behaviour marked as an actual threat to Sam was the needed push for Dean to gain new self-perspective, and through it, grow actually aware of his shadow. 

(which is, of course, why he very soon after comes face to face with Michael, who represents Dean’s shadow, just as the Empty represents Cas’ shadow)

Now, Dean has absolutely struggled with Sam’s newfound independence as Chief of their tribe, but he’s also very much accepted Sam taking the lead, and supported it. This whole season, he’s been trying to let go. 

Let go of his old view of who he’s been told he has to be, let go of the past, let go of how he’s always leaned on Protect Sammy as his core motto. 

Now, Sam is a good leader and he’s proven that this season. He’s moved into that role very aware that Dean might object to it, but he’s stood his ground and hasn’t simply handed over the cape, as it were, to Dean. However, Sam has also struggled with his newfound role, battling with his own search for the answers to who he is and who he wants to be.

Questions he won’t be able to answer properly until the codependency is over and done with, because Dean’s need of him over the years has become such a defining part of how Sam understands his place in the world, and what his purpose is, that Sam doesn’t know who he is without it. 

But through Dean being possessed and taken away, Sam was given the necessary foundation to remember his own independence, and he was given a clean motivation to step into the leader shoes as it was wholly tied to getting Dean back. It removed the fear of what it would mean (and the thought that it’s easier to follow than to lead) and gave Sam purpose, which makes any situation easier to face. 

He’s the born leader. We’ve gotten to see that this season. Sam has gotten to feel and experience what it’s like to lead this season. It’s a position he should embrace without fear or hesitation, but the hesitation is there, stemming from the fear in not entirely trusting himself yet.

None of these men entirely trust themselves yet, I would venture to say.

But what we’ve been given in these last couple of episodes make me feel perhaps overly positive that they will learn how to, possibly soon, and once they dare trust in themselves, because they know who they are and who they want to be, then they can all answer the question What Do I Want?

Yeah? Everything that’s happening in the narrative right now is pushing for this, to my mind. So. Let’s look at the bookends and I’ll explain why this might all be setting up for questions being answered.

14x11

1. Dean’s Got a Plan

So we get Dean packing a duffel with tools he’ll need for something unknown. He’s clearly determined and focused. (and looks like there’ll be welding) (and oh boy will there be)

He then steps out of the room and gives us a look down the hall -->

If that expression he’s wearing isn’t resignation, then I don’t know what is. It’s like he’s considering, just for a moment, to go see Cas one last time, but thinks better of it, because there’s no telling where that might lead, and he can’t afford distractions. 

So, then. 

Off he goes to see his brother, and here’s where things begin to take a turn for the highly interesting to me, because my first impression of this scene and how it plays out is this: in Dean’s behaviour is a clear cry for help. 

I’ll dig into why I think that, bear with me, but it’s a cry that ripples into 14x12. (and it’s loud)

2. Take Care, Sammy

Oh, this scene. It’s about their relationship and how they now relate to their relationship differently. 

Sam tells Dean that of course he’s trying to help, to find another way. Always. And asks if Dean’ll hop in, help out. Old patterns.

Dean’s grateful, but hesitant, breaking the news gently of how he wants to go on the road, and, for me, very much giving Sam a gentle nudge away from their old patterns into their individual new patterns by telling Sam that he wants to go have alone time with Mary.

This is all good, except for how it’s covering up the hidden agenda of self-sacrifice.

Dean’s self-destructive behaviour this time around is based in self-blame. He let Michael in, he said yes, all of this is on him, he should be the one to pay for his mistakes. Billie tells him this is the only way and, because he’s already been thinking it, it makes sense. It confirms what he already believes is the right thing. That’s the coolly logical side of his brain, right?

But here’s what I think: Dean consciously believes in what his logical brain is telling him, and that there’s no other way, but even so, he sincerely does not want to do this alone. Subconsciously, I believe it goes even deeper, into where he absolutely doesn’t want to do this, but his self-blame makes it impossible for him to outright ask for help.

How can he put that on the people he loves?

Surface level, consciously, he’s still crying out for a support network, because he doesn’t want to go to his death by himself.

Deeper level, subconsciously, what he truly needs is for that support network to step in and tell him he’s wrong, to take some of the weight off, to be a part of the decision making process, so that it’s not all on him if it goes south.

Because risking it going south through making bad choices by himself means he’d rather choose the safety of the Mal’Akh box.

So, then. He cannot ask the people he cares about to simply stand by and watch him go through with Billie’s plan, but what he truly needs, on a conscious and subconscious level, is their support. 

Here’s where this Help Me, Save Me From Myself subtext comes into play, because when Sam says -->

Dean’s expression becomes pained hesitation as he looks like he’s considering actually letting the cat out of the bag -->

--> again because what he really needs is Sam’s support in this, not just sneaking out without even telling him the truth.

But he simply cannot tell Sam what he’s about to do due to those old patterns, feeling guilt and fear in equal measure: guilt that he would have to ask Sam to assist in his death, fear that Sam might turn around and refuse and fall back on those old patterns, and Dean sees all the dangers in having anyone change his mind and balks at the mere idea.

But that support, though. That need for support is still real. And that deeper-level Fuck Someone Needs To Step In And Stop Me Because I Can’t See Any Way to Stop Myself.

Because of his awareness of his old patterns with Sam, and because of how he’s not entirely convinced Sam has broken free of them, he’s worried about the impact Sam learning of his decision will have, so what Dean has to do is make it Sam’s choices leading Sam to understand what’s going down.

Tiny bit manipulative, absolutely, but necessarily so.

And, honestly, the way the episode is set up, it even feels like Dean doesn’t want Sam to find out before he’s built the box, so that he has it to show for himself, proving that this thing that’s supposedly impossible to build, is possible to build. Billie came through with the blueprints. And if she came through on that, then why shouldn’t she be right about everything else?

Yeah?

So, what does he do, then?

He gives the first real sign that something is truly wrong.

I say he does it in the hopes that Sam will pick up on it and act on it -->

I mean, the dialogue alone! If that’s not cause for concern, then Sam has not been through hell and more with his big brother. But he has. So there is real cause. And Sam immediately highlights it to anyone not noticing it by putting it in dialogue when he calls Mary, telling her all about how worried he is and what them hugging stands for.

Things are really bad, indeed.

We get Dean’s needed support network shown being just as concerned as they should be, picking up on his signals along the way. The most glaring one, of course, being Dean choosing to build the Mal’Akh box in the near proximity of his clever, inquisitive hunter mother.

This is not someone who wants his activities to go unnoticed. Seriously.

3. Mal’Akh 

The emotional threads that are set up in the opening are then tied up in the closing, which has a precursor in Mary telling Dean off for keeping his decision from Sam, and where she takes responsibility on herself for Sam learning the truth, because if Dean doesn’t tell him - she will. 

The relief!! ^^^

Where we open on images of Dean packing up the tools needed to literally put himself in a box (I mean I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: what I see here is a commentary on what societal pressure does to you and it makes my heart sing) (little boxes on the hillside), we now land in the image of that box being completed -->

Nice. Visual. Bookend. MH!

The packing up of the tools that led into the Take Care, Sammy exchange brings us into finishing the episode with this bookend exchange between the brothers, and it is lovely. 

And so is the dialogue, because Dean lays it all on the table, and the biggest callback to the opening scene is this:

Dean: I didn’t have a choice. Sam, you’re the last person I could tell, the last person I could be around, because you’re the only one who could talk me out of it. And I won’t be talked out of it. I won’t. I’m doing this. Now, you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me. But I’m doing this. 

Dean’s gentle nudging from the opening scene now becomes a statement.

His testing of Sam letting him go off on this road trip, to have some alone time with mom, becomes Dean, not in so many words, calling out their pattern of interference.

He’s not stating it, but the subtext here is: the codependent guilt-tripping is unhealthy and I can’t have you using it to emotionally manipulate me out of my duty.

He even further makes the case for himself by first giving Sam no way around the stakes here: according to the all-seeing Billie - aka Death - the only way to beat Michael and save the world is if Dean does exactly this.

So he will not be talked out of it. 

And he doesn’t need to be dropped to the bottom of the ocean with Sam’s refusal to understand and the guilt that would produce weighing on him.

He phrases it so delicately when he says Now, you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me.

See, he makes that request now, because he’s finally in a good position, where it’s not about their codependent behaviour, but rather about breaking it. He’s asking Sam for his help, for his support, plain and simple.

Now, as I said, I think that Dean believes, consciously, he has to do this, right? So he’s pushing through and is underlining how talking him out of it - or even trying to - is not gonna fly.

But, oh, man, remember subconsciously? Yeah. Deep down, somewhere that he’s not even consciously aware of, because this side to him - the side that wants to live - has been too deeply repressed, but this subconscious side to him does not want to do this, and I’d go so far as to say that this side to him is actually hoping for the intervention that is laid on him in 14x12.

So, let’s press on -->

14x12

--> with two pieces of dialogue.

We get the opening of this episode being all to do with Dean’s fear. He’s having a nightmare of being at the bottom of the ocean, the box is about to start taking in water, once it fills - his body will die, which means Michael will get free of the freezer and will revive him, right? And that’s what Sam is about to hit on, clarifying Dean’s fear in dialogue. But, of course, there’s so much more.

Let’s look closer at the First Exchange -->

Dean: It’s just—... Bad dream. It’s fine. Sam: You wanna talk about it? Dean: No, I’m okay. What’re you doing? You should get some sleep. Sam: You know, Dean, you don’t have to act like what you’re planning to do is just business as usual. I know you’re scared. Dean: Never said I wasn’t scared. But it doesn’t matter. Sam: Doesn’t matter? Dean, we know we could die - doing what we do it’s always a possibility - but what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could, literally, keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever. Dean: Okay. I get it. But what’s the other option, huh? Michael gets out of my head and ends the world? ‘Cause it’s all right there in Billie’s book. Sam: Yeah, but that’s only if we don’t find another way to take Michael off the board and there has to be another way.  Dean: And what is that other way? Exactly.

This first piece of dialogue is so important for setting up the emotional journey for both brothers this episode. 

Sam knows exactly what this plan means for Dean. More than that, he knows Dean’s scared. Sam’s scared for him. This whole thing is crazy. It’s not run-of-the-mill, it’s not their normal gig, it’s enormous and overwhelming and horrifying. It’s the possible end of the world, as Dean points out.

And Dean can’t talk about this stuff with Sam, because he doesn’t want to put that burden on his brother. He never has. Because Sam’s more than just a brother, he’s a son, he’s Dean’s charge, his responsibility, and he’s always protected him, so Dean’s not going to weaken in his resolve.

But this entire episode is about weakening his resolve, and even more it’s about showing us exactly what Dean needs for his resolve to weaken.

Which, very quickly, is stated to be Cas and Sam intervening. Cas being imperative, which is why it’s so important that he actually show’s up in person at the hospital.

 Aw, it’s so purdy!!

But this is about the codependency, so I’m putting Cas somewhere on the sideline for this post. *sorry Cas* *you’re very important* *never doubt*

Here’s the Second Exchange -->

Dean: Where’s the party? Sam: It’s right here. I mean, we’re celebrating, right? Dean: Okay. Sam: But not too much! Tomorrow morning we’re back on track. No rest for the self-destructive. Dean: Well, I will call this a win. Kinda nice - going out on a high. Sam: Going out being the operative phrase. Dean: I’m sorry. Sam: “Sorry.” How sorry are you? Sorry that you plan to keep Donatello alive, but when it comes to you you just throw in the towel? Or are you sorry that after all these years, our entire lives, after I’ve looked up to you, after I’ve learned form you, I’ve copied you, I followed you to Hell and back, are you sorry that all of that, it means nothing now. Dean: Who’s saying that? Sam: You are. I mean, you’re telling me I have to kill you. I mean, you’re telling me that I have to just throw away everything we stand for. Throw away faith. Throw away family. We’re the guys who save the world, we don’t just check out of it.  Dean: Sam, I have tried everything. Everything. I got one card left to play, and I have to play it. Sam: You have one card today, but we’ll find another tomorrow, but if you quit on us today, there will be no tomorrow. You tell me you don’t know what else to do, I don’t either, Dean, not yet, but what you’re doing now, it’s wrong. It’s quitting! I mean, look what just happened. Donatello never quit fighting so we could help him because he never gave up. I believe in us, Dean. I believe in us! Why don’t you believe in us too? Dean: Okay, Sam. Let’s go home. Sam: What? Dean: Let’s go home. Maybe Billie’s wrong. Maybe. But I do believe in us. (Cas exits, joins them) I believe in all of us. And I’ll keep believing until I can’t. Until there’s absolutely no other way. But when that day comes— if that day comes, Sam, you have to take it for what it is: the end. And you have to promise me that you’ll do then what you can’t do now, and that’s let me go. And put me in that box. (to Cas) You too. Alright, you heard me, let’s go home. Don’t hit me again, okay?

There’s so much here. This is the culmination of these past two episodes, with Sam’s need to have this confrontation, to feel like Dean believes in them, in him, being reflected in so many moments that’s come before throughout the series, where Sam’s let Dean dictate the conditions of their communication, or draw a line for when and how he feels ready to open up to Sam prodding him.

Sam very nearly manages what he sets out to do here, too - wake Dean from his fatalistic attitude - but he doesn’t quite get through (unless it’s pushed further faster than how it’s setup here, of course) because Dean is very, very far gone at this point, and he relents to Sam because what else can he do.

Only lookit, because beauty:

everything set up in 14x11 with regards to Dean’s internal need is also brought to a culmination here

he has convinced himself that all he truly wants from his brother is his superficial support

but what he really needs is exactly this intervention - from both Sam and Cas - telling him that there will be another way, that he can’t give up

consciously Dean has convinced himself he has to go in that box, because he fears what confronting Michael will actually mean

subconsciously Dean doesn’t want to go in that box, because deep down he longs for a long and happy life and he understands the only way to get it is by confronting Michael

It’s the end of the world as we know it. (possibly)

As for the codependency, the moving away from it that we get from Dean, where there’s an undercurrent of awareness and him trying to break their well-worn pattern, is underlined by the final scene of 14x11.

But here, we get Sam doing exactly what Dean has tried so hard to avoid. We get Sam falling back in that same pattern, unable to let go. Jared’s delivery of that “Why don’t you believe in us too?” after grabbing Dean and holding onto him, for real, makes me cry every time I watch it. It’s so poignant. And it’s such a stark highlighter of what it is Sam truly needs in order to grow up and be his own person: to let go of Dean. (his father figure)

And Dean, he looks so defeated. He can’t possibly say no to Sam, and he feared this was where they’d end up, and he realises that Sam isn’t ready. But Dean knows that Sam will, most likely, need to ready himself.

And here’s the zinger - even if Dean doesn’t end up in that box, this is still possibly and hopefully an important direction marker for Sam for the rest of the season. 

Where do we want Sam to end up? We want him to be able to let Dean go, we want him to stand on his own two feet, strong in his own identity, one that’s completely separated from Dean.

This doesn't mean they won’t be brothers who love each other very much and work together, it just means that Sam’s fear of what it means for Dean to be gone will be removed, because Sam will know who he is without Dean, and, more importantly, who he wants to be.

[verobatto]

OMC @poorreputation I loved this meta! So many feelings ugh!!

I just can't get off of my mind the fact that Billie could be lying to Dean, manipulating him. Because she needs the equilibrium, you know? And the Winchester are a big problem for her... So I truly believe this time (and seeing Dean using red) this time Dean is wrong.

He doesn't need to quit his dreams this time! I know there's other way! I have hopes in Castiel, he will change Dean's mind or maybe he will scold Dean so badly that Dean wouldn't dare to go on with the plan. Come one I know he can!!

I don't like AUBobby, and now with John cimg back is all a mess!

But two break up in the same episode... I telling me that this "turning point" between CAS and Dean won't be a good one ...

Thanks for the tag!

@emblue-sparks @gneisscastiel @cheerstofandomfamily @magnificent-winged-beast

@mrsaquaman187

SPN 14X11: Damaged Goods

Summary (via IMDB):  Dean spends some bonding time with Mary and Donna. Nick finally finds the answer he has been searching for. Sam is left to make an unimaginable choice.

Written by: Davy Perez

Directed by: Phil Sgriccia

Spoilers below, but I really loved this episode. (@evvvissticante @verobatto-angelxhunter @metafest)

Seguir leyendo

[casgirlsam]

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

bonus:

(a belated bday present for @intelligentshipper ❤️)

[prairiedust]

I have some feelings over the song choice in Damaged Goods. The Guess Who is one of my favorite bands.

Want some subtext about searching for an identity? They started out as Chad Allen and the Silvertones in Winnipeg, Canada. They changed names a couple of times, and at one point one of their singles was released as recorded by “Guess Who” as a stunt by their label. After a while they just (shrug.emoji) and called themselves the The Guess Who.

“No Time” is one of the songs that lights me up. But TGW is better known probably for American Woman. They had to promise not to play that song when they were invited to the White House to play for Nixon.

So Dean sees 8-track player.

Dean grabs “American Woman.”

Instead of playing “American Woman,” Dean plays B1, “No Time.”

The first lines?

“On my way to better things

(No time left for you) I found myself some wings

(No time left for you) Distant roads are callin' me

(No time left for you)”

If “Searchin’ for a Rainbow” was merely unsubtle, wtf is this?

[norahastuff]

It’s interesting to compare the plan to lock Michael away and how God locked Amara away. 

They both had issues with God, and were willing to destroy the world to find him and have their confrontations with him.

Dean was host to both of them. Amara through the Mark of Cain, and Michael by being his vessel. He was able to control their influence on him for a while, but not forever. Eventually they’d both be able to escape his control over them, and then all of humanity would become collateral damage in their search for God.

Death gave Dean the solution to defeating the entity that was threatening all of existence both times. Dean was willing to go to be shot into space, bound forever to Amara to protect the world. Dean is now willing to be thrown to the bottom of the ocean, bound forever to Michael, to protect the world.

However, Sam and Dean are in a different place in their relationship than they were in 10x23. Back then they were willing to sacrifice the universe for each other. They put each other first, consequences for everyone else be damned. That’s not quite the case anymore. In 10x23 Sam wouldn’t let Dean go, even if the cost was unleashing a deadly primal force onto the world. In 14x11, he agreed to support Dean’s plan.

I still think Sam is willing to do almost anything to save Dean, but that “almost” is the key difference between now and a few years ago. There are lines and there are people that matter other than the two of them. Their motto is beginning to change from “you’d do anything to save him” to “we will find a better way”.

But I think the other, most important thing that we learned from the Mark of Cain arc that is relevant to now? Locking away a powerful being with a grudge against God is not a permanent solution. Sooner or later that lock will be removed and the being will need to be dealt with. Until then, it’s yet again, Dean Winchester, the firewall between light and darkness, that is forced to use all the strength he has to keep the threat at bay. Oh Dean. A+ work there Chuck.

Let’s just wait and see what Cas has to say about this infallible self sacrificing plan of yours, shall we Dean? Past experience tells me, he may not be a fan.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Maybe you need to learn, okay?

Well, it would seem that something interesting came out of Nick’s storyline (making a comment about the fact that it’s in the one episode with a different writers feels a bit like shooting on the Red Cross... but hey *shrugs*) and it’s a lesson long overdue for Sam.

Finally somebody made him realize that using other people as “projects” (nice double sense between the word as in ‘science project’* and as in ‘act of projection’ there) for dealing with his own insecurities about his own worth and goodness is not a foolproof plan, and the fact that he projects himself onto others doesn’t mean that the other person is the same as him -- other people are their own individuals and just because they have some shared experiences with you doesn’t mean they are perfect mirrors, and their paths don’t need to be the same. Other people can just be shitty, and their choices don’t reflect back on you.

*Interesting that Michael in 14x10 used the expression “cool science project” in reference to the mind-entering machine.

Back to Sam -- his conversation with Dean in the car seems to paint Dean in a harsh light, because he’s apparently asking Sam to give up on compassion. But then Nick proves Dean’s point, and I think it’s obvious that the narrative is telling us that Nick is way, way past the point where compassion applies.

Nick is not a project. He’s not a freakin’ puppy. He was Lucifer’s vessel for years. I know that, Dean. I thought -- You thought he’d what? Just walk it off? Come on, man. You’re not that dumb. It’s not about being dumb, Dean. It’s called compassion. Look, what happened to Nick could’ve happened to me. It almost happened to me. You change one little thing in our past, and that was me. Lucifer wearing me to the prom. And besides, since when do we give up on people? Since when do we just cut people loose? Well, maybe you need to learn, okay? ‘Cause when people are past the point of saving, maybe you need to learn to walk away.

Sam doesn’t genuinely seem to realize that things that happen to you are not what you are. Neither Nick or Sam are Lucifer’s possession -- they are different people whom the same thing happened to, but it’s absolutely not a certain fact that by shuffling things a bit, say, increasing Lucifer’s time inside Sam and decreasing Lucifer’s time inside Nick, “that was me”. That was one experience -- as huge and shaping as it was -- that happened to two different people.

Sam has the tendency to project himself onto people who have experiences in common with him, which he calls compassion, but he tends to lose the individuality of the other person under the self-shaped projection he puts on them. Some times, this kind of sympathy can turn into an emotionally useful tool to connect with people, like in Rowena’s case. Some times, it ends up in failure because, like in Nick’s case, the other person is just too different from Sam, and there is no point is trying to save them.

Putting too much investment in saving someone else because he sees themselves in them and he equates them being able to be saved to himself being able to be saved... is a very risky move, because the other person can just be impossible to save for their own personal qualities.

Dean can see that, because he connects to people on a different plane altogether -- like many posts and bloggers have already pointed out, his connections with people is based on empathy, on a less rational (you have gone through this, I have gone through this similar thing, I get you) and more emotional level. If Dean doesn’t empathize with someone, he walks away.

Which leads us to the next point -- Sam’s apparent inability to make a distinction between people and people. “Since when do we give up on people? Since when do we just cut people loose?” he says, obviously leveraging on the fact that Dean does not give up on people or cuts them loose... but the people Dean does not give up on are not... just random people. Not people like Nick. Nick has absolutely no emotional connection with any of them, except for the one-sided projection Sam has operated onto him. 

Dean will never give up on you if you matter. Dean will never cut you loose if there is a connection to cut in the first place! Which is not Nick’s case. Nick isn’t a person they have an actual investment in (be it “family” or an innocent person whose welfare they see as their responsibility). Of course, it’s not the Sam can’t tell the difference of a person who matters and a person who doesn’t (again, I’m not saying that Dean only cares about people who mean something to him personally, his ideal quota of people to save is everyone, but if someone consciously and purposely crosses a certain line** - bye) but he has invested Nick of emotional significance that is not reciprocated or based on anything substantial, because it’s based on Sam’s “you are me” mechanism - which doesn’t work.

**I think the scene where Nick steps over the trap symbolizes that line -- of course, not that Nick hasn’t crossed that line already, because he’s done plenty of terrible shit before, but this just symbolizes in general that Nick has passed the line. We could call it the line between human and monster, where the terms don’t exactly match with “biological” humans/monsters. A human, or human-adjacent, is someone who might make mistakes, because life is complicated, but at the end of the day... is still trying. A monster is someone who has stopped trying or has never done it in the first place.

Obviously, Dean’s words at the end echo something dark, because we’re reminded of him considering himself past the point of saving, back during the Mark of Cain arc (the word ‘puppy’, magical boxes trapping dangerous things, the bottom of the ocean are all references to that), and I know we’re supposed to read “you need to walk away from me and let me shut myself in a box on the bottom of the ocean forever” in Dean’s words, but... the scene is textually about Nick, and it’s sort of hard to concentrate on anything else than “fucking yeet Nick out of existence please”. Eventually, Sam will not walk away from Dean, but it is a good thing that he learns that from certain people he needs to.

[firefly124]

Mary respecting Dean's boundaries

Can I just say how much I loved that one line? She's slowly finding her way in the world and around her sons. She may not know them well enough yet (how could she? ) to know that Dean randomly hugging Sam is a glaring red flag. She does know, from her own experiences, that sometimes you need to let people have their space. Neither of her sons have very good boundaries or respect for them, thanks to their life experiences, but she does.

There were a lot of things I loved about this episode. But that's a big one, because it gets at the heart of the toxic "codependence" (technically really "enmeshment") between the brothers that needs to be resolved. Of course, since we're only at mid-season, that's also got to bump up against the extent to which they know each other's brains.

One of the things I found really telling was the way Mary respected Dean's wish not to talk about it. Even though, by then, she'd spoken to Sam and was highly suspicious of Dean's behavior, she let him set the boundaries of their conversation, because he clearly needed to. Since she knew for certain, by then, that something was very wrong, she did go investigate what he'd been doing in the shed.

Sam, on the other hand, was already on his way. He had more pieces of the puzzle than Mary. He's seen Dean do this kind of farewell tour before. I'm not sure Mary even knows about Dean's deal, had any idea how self-sacrificing he has historically been. So Sam's lack of respect for those boundaries ws also needed.

By contrast, Sam gave Nick too much respect for his privacy and boundaries, and look where that led. That isn't accidental. Because it's not about the brothers learning to back off and leave each other alone. They've tried that repeatedly over the years, and it's never the answer. What they need to do is find that dynamic equilibrium between respecting each other's autonomy and recognizing when their own and each other's damage has taken the wheel and needs an intervention.

I don't think we'll get that until the grand finale, whenever that is. But I think this episode actually captured the tension between those two things masterfully.

[verobatto]

Quiting all my dreams.

Dean Winchester and the prison inside the prison

14x11 meta spoiler (@metafest )

Hello my friends! Are you digesting the last episode? Me too... I just want to point the heavy symbolism of "Damaged Gods". First I thought this was a recoil of Dean's character, then I saw the picture... Dean is saying goodbye in such a pain... Giving up all his dreams. And that's sad...

Bc he was just there... He was about to sell the bar, but Michael blocked him.

This was his journey so far to coming out from the emotional prison.

Let it go

So, remember in season 13 Dean saying this to Sam...

Gif credit @demondetoxmanual

After recognize he couldn't live without Castiel, and after getting him back, the fear of loosing him again, dig inside him. He needs CAS bc he loves him. He is a man in love of his bestest male friend.

And I want to come back to "Mint Condition" again, remember the talk on Baby btw Sam and Dean about why Sam hated Halloween?? I wrote a short analysis about it, bc I noticed there Dean trying to figure out how Sammy would react if his big brother confess him what he feels for Castiel... Here is the mini meta.

This was very symbolic, and it was settled in 14x04. So I saw that and I said... Dean is preparing himself to go out from the closet?

And then we had the Bar, and that woman that came bc HE WAS INTERESTED IN SELLING THE BAR.

He WAS. But now is different...

An episode full of boxes, locks and captured people.

Well, even if this was blantant, I mean, it was obvious the episode was screaming about PRISON and PRISONERS.

Seeing the bar and the box, we can say Dean is a prison, and he will get inside another prison. His prisoner is Michael, but not just Michael but Dean . Dean is who built the bar in his head (His emotional prison) and he was who built the box for himself.

And is very blantant too that he did this in a garage full of sexy shirtless men and cowboys (obviously mirrors of CAS, or at least Dean's inner images of Castiel). This supports again the idea that during he was building this cage, he was thinking about Cas or more than that, he was doing it knowing his feelings, knowing that he was "interested in sell the bar", but now he can't do that... Bc humanity goes first, his risponsabilities as the BIG PROTECTOR goes first... This recalls the ending song in 14x06 "I know you love me but in your heart there's something before me."

The "L" word.

One of the most blantant facts about Dean's improvement of character was the use of the L word.

It was easy for him use it with his mom, bc is the first love confession a child has in his life, he confess love to his mom. So he did it. And it was a huge step.

Gif credit @itsokaysammy

Another big, huge improvement was Dean openly talking about love with Jack. So now, the "L" word isn't a foreign word for him, he is embracing it, and accepting it.

And now, in the last episode we had our sweet Hunter saying "I love you" to TFW, his family.

Gif credit @starsmish

And again, Dean mentioned CAS for the first time in the episode, and it was the only time he was mentioned. And you can see in the back a poster with a shirtless man in blue jean, black short hair... Again... A Cas mirror.

So... Maybe it is time to Dean to say the "L" word to CAS. If he is in this fair well goodbye journey to his dead... Say I LOVE YOU but the GOODBYE.

"I don't have a choice"

And we already heard this words from Dean...

And it was a very bad choice.

When he was with CAS, he felt cornered, CAS couldn't change his mind. Dean was decided to do the sacrifice, bc he is the BIG PROTECTOR, he is the RIGHTEOUS MAN, the FIRST BORN that must take care of everyone.

And he is repeating the same story here... (Ouroboros, I'm seeing you guys)

Gif credit @michaeldean

And Sam, because he loves his big brother, and he respects him, he supports him in the decision, with the heart broken

But Cas, Cas isn't going to let Dean do this. We heard him in the promo. He is asking Dean to quit this suicidal plan. Because Castiel loves him, and he is what Dean really wants, he is HOPE, AND LOVE, AND SALVATION. AND HE IS SAYING DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS, AND BEING LOVED. Castiel represents all that for Dean, he is the part of Dean that keeps fighting.

So Dean feeling cornered by his own bad decisions, this circle that never ends, I just hope he can break free from his own prisons, he built it from himself.

To conclude...

Dean was about to give the last step and break free, but he was blocked again for his own fears and toxicity (Michael).

Michael came to remind us that there's still a huge problem that must to be solved to break free from this emotional prison: JOHN WINCHESTER and his GUILT HERITAGE.

And Billie delivering him the ONLY ONE SOLUTION to win, it reminds me to Michael, and every villain trying to manipulate. Is she trying to help? Or just trying to erase two big problems AUMICHAEL and DEAN?

IDK, I just hope Dean can have THE TALK with Castiel, and maybe is time for our hunter to use the L word with his angel.

@emblue-sparks @mrsaquaman187 @cheerstofandomfamily @magnificent-winged-beast @gneisscastiel @agusvedder @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @whyjm @castiellover20

Buenos Aires January 25th 2019 3:17 PM

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 14x11

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Ugh. This episode. I don’t know what the official timeline on Supernatural is anymore, let’s just hope this episode didn’t take place on Dean’s birthday. I admit I was a bit surprised that this episode picked up directly where 14x10 left us, giving us an answer as to what was written in the book Billie gave Dean. I thought we wouldn’t get an answer to this until the end of the season, and the fact that we see Dean’s big dumb self-sacrifice attempt so early means that this probably not how the season ends. Which I would appreciate because we have seen this story again and again, and we still have Cas’s deal with the Empty and Jack and his soul to be worried about anyway.

Overall I liked this episode. It confirmed what I thought was in Billie’s book, that Dean in some way has to sacrifice himself, but by playing this story out so soon, this is not the direction we are headed, and I like this surprising element. And obviously Dean’s farewell tour gave me all the feels.

But, as always, let’s have a closer look.

Farewell Tour

After last week’s episode many people speculated what was written in Bilie’s notebook, what could prevent Michael from burning down the world. Some, like me, though it would be some sort of sacrifice/suicide mission on Dean’s part, others thought the show would head in a less likely direction and Dean would get his happy end. The episode both confirmed the obvious reading (Dean has to sacrifice himself) but put also a twist on it, because I don’t think the Ma’lak Box will be the final solution. It is similar how in 5x18 Dean was ready to say “yes” to (our) Michael, but that was not how the season ended. And just like back then Dean starts his farewell tour.

Of course season 14 is full of callbacks to season 5. The apocalypse storyline is revisited, but with Michael instead of Lucifer as the Big Bad. Nick, who was introduced in the season 5 opener, plays a larger role. Part of this episode takes place in Mary’s storage room; in 5x01 Dean learns in John’s storage room about his fate as Michael’s vessel. Last week’s episode had many references to 4x01, this week the episode is connected to 5x01. And of course we end the episode with Sam asking since when they believe in fate, because this is what season 5 was all about: fighting destiny, the birth of Team Free Will. Will season 14 do a reversal then with them giving in to fate? Dean after all already said “yes”.

Something I noticed is how each of the people Dean encounters in this episode (Sam, Donna, Mary) can tell something is wrong with him. And especially Sam and Mary suspect that it might be more than just him recovering from Michael. And it is in those little things: that he hugged Sam, that he wanted some time alone with his mother, and that she would made his beloved childhood meal for him. And it reminded me a lot of Jack, who only wanted to spend more time with his family before his death. No bars, no women, none of the usual coping mechanism. Dean at his most vulnerable. And though they weren’t present (but mentioned) I’m pretty sure Dean would have visited Cas and Jack as well (and now I need a lot of angsty Destiel codas).

And speaking shortly about the Winchester Surprise. This episode again reminded us how uncommon Mary is as a mother. The first thing Dean hears when he arrives at the cabin is gunshots and he immediately thinks his mother is in danger, but Mary just shoots pumpkins. In fact we learn that she only ever buys pumpkins, whisky and crosswords, but never food, because she isn’t a great cook. Demons keep away from her and her sons because that is how badass they are. She has a storage room with a severed head in it. And for the feels: the combination for the lock to the room is Dean’s birthday.

Mary on the other hand is reminded again how much she missed out, and how Dean had to replace her, cooking for Sam, trying to give him one good memory of their mom. John of course is mentioned again, unsurprising since we know he will return in 14x13. But Mary is made aware again how messed up her son’s childhood was, how Dean had to be a parent for Sam, and I wonder if this will come up once John returns.

And speaking about emotional conversations: this is the first time Dean tells Sam that he loves him. His actual words are “Sam, you've tried. Cas has tried. Jack... And I love you for trying”. So I guess this is another case of singular vs plural you, because Dean could have only meant Sam, as he was the only one there, or meant all of them, because he mentioned them all. Either way, it is a huge step for Dean, who isn’t with the whole love and love thing.  And we have a repeated pattern with singular vs plural and multiple interpretations and… Dean just said he loves Cas, you can’t take that away from me.

What’s in the box?

Two boxes play a role in this episode: the Enochian Puzzle Box Mary used to trap Abraxas in and the Ma’lak Box Dean built to trap himself and Michael in it. And of course one can’t say box without mentioning Pandora’s Box. In the history of Supernatural opening something never had good consequences. The Winchesters opened the gates of hell and demons escaped. Dean opened the first and Sam the last seal and Lucifer escaped. Sam opened the MoC and the Darkness escaped. In this episode the Enochian Puzzle box is opened and it ends with an innocent man dead. And we know that once the door in Dean’s mind gives in something terrible will happen as well. But we also know that locking someone up is just a temporarily solution, see the Cage or Amara. So neither the door in Dean’s mind, not the Ma’lak Box will contain Michael. They have to find a different solution.

We learn that Abraxas acted on Lucifer’s order when he killed Nick’s family, that Nick was chosen, but not special. Lucifer needed a vessel, any vessel, and he knew that a man full of despair and in deep pain would be the easiest to convince to say “yes”. I wonder if that is now the end of the Nick-Lucifer-Lovestory. Let’s hope so.

And regarding Nick we see both Sam and Dean react quite different to him. Both Winchesters have been in Nick’s situation: they both have been vessels to an Archangel. Sam however shows compassion, he deeply believes that people can be saved, because he needs to believe he can be saved as well. Forgiving Nick was part of Sam’s journey to forgive himself. But after he learns the truth about Nick he expresses his regret, but he also lets him go. Nick is no longer his responsibility. Sam learns that not everything is his fault, that he can’t control everything. And that is a good thing. Dean on the other hand thinks of Nick of someone past saving, because he thinks about himself as someone past saving. There is no hope for Nick because there is no hope for Dean. The way both Sam and Dean react to Nick is telling how they think about themselves.

Some other things

Donna: I just love her. And how she clearly has set up Joe, the grocery guy, not to tell anyone about Mary and to inform her asap when something suspicious happens. Bless her. Also Donna’s type is also Dean’s type, just saying. They have the same taste in burgers just as they have in men.

And last the Book of Jubilees. The SuperWiki tells us this about it: The Book of Jubilees is an ancient Jewish text, not considered canon by most churches. The book classifies angels into four groups: angels of the presence, angels of sanctifications, guardian angels over individuals, and angels presiding over the phenomena of nature. It also covers the genesis of angels and the rise of the Nephilim. Does anyone else think Cas classifies as a guardian angel over an individual?

Anyway, til next week lovelies <3

[reallyawesomecostumes]

Dean Winchester in his Coffin

A comparison between Queequeg’s coffin in Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick and Dean’s coffin in Supernatural

(screencap from Home of the Nutty)

In Supernatural 14x11 ‘Damaged Goods’, Dean Winchester builds his own coffin. 

It’s not really a coffin, it just looks like one. The box is a ma’lak box designed by Death herself to secure Dean and AU-Michael at the bottom of the Pacific for all eternity*. We as viewers of a long-running episodic television show are pretty sure the  Winchester boys will find a way out of this mess in the next couple episodes, but Dean built it, so we have to talk about it. 

There are closet metaphors inherent in this coffin-building (I recommend @drsilverfish here); there are show-internal parallels to Amara being locked away, Adam’s current fate in The Cage, the wall in Sam’s mind in season 6; the list goes on. I wanted to talk instead about how Dean’s coffin-building compares to some coffin-building in classic American literature: the story of Queequeg’s coffin in Herman Melville’s “Moby-Dick; or, The Whale.” 

Moby-Dick, published 1851, is a book that many of us were forced to read in high school or college. I escaped this fate but had to read “The Scarlet Letter” and “Bartleby the Scrivener” instead. I did watch the Patrick Stewart TV miniseries version as a teenager, of course. For some dumb reason** I became a Moby-Dick reader because I was a Queequeg/Ishmael shipper, so know that I have a fairly biased perspective on the book as a whole.

In Moby-Dick, our narrator Ishmael (a depressed unemployed Yankee) meets Queequeg, a cannibal

(Queequeg as a character is a jumble of noble savage tropes, the author’s own knowledge of Pacific Islanders met during his whaling experience, and ideas pulled from other contemporary books both fiction and non-fiction), when they become accidental bedfellows at Peter Coffin’s inn (Coffin is a prominent name among the whalers of Nantucket, in real life and in the world of the story). Ishmael wants to go whaling, and Queequeg’s a guy who is very good at whaling. They have similar life goals, if not similar life experiences . They’re textually married***. 

Queequeg catches a chill crawling around belowdecks on the Pequod moving barrels to find a leak (the hold is described as an ice-box). While he’s dying Queequeg says he doesn’t want his body to be wrapped up in his hammock before being thrown overboard like an ordinary sailor, but put in a canoe-style coffin like the harpooneers from Nantucket use. He convinces the ship’s carpenter to make one for him. Queequeg kits the coffin out with food and water and his (most precious possessions) harpoon and paddle, and puts earth from the hold at the foot of it . He lays in it, and Pip the cabin boy sings nonsense briefly (a la the Fool in King Lear). Ishmael sort-of suggests that watching this guy die would make him start a religion. But then Queequeg decides not to die. He throws off the fever with his own will, and recovers (for plot reasons, but also so Melville could add more Noble Savage tropes). He uses the coffin as a clothes-chest. He starts carving the lid with the pattern of the tattoos on his body (these tattoos are religious in nature, but are unknown and unknowable, ‘a complete theory of the heavens and the earth’), making it into a sort-of body double for him.

Some time passes. A guy falls from the rigging, and the stern life-buoy is thrown to him, and both the man and the old, rotting cask that serves as a buoy sink and drown. It is suggested that the nice new well-built no longer needed coffin can be made into a new life-buoy. This re-purposing is lampshaded in text:

“Here now’s the very dreaded symbol of grim death, by a mere hap, made the expressive sign of the help and hope of most endangered life. A life-buoy of a coffin! Does it go further? Can it be that in some spiritual sense the coffin is, after all, but an immortality-preserver! I’ll think of that.”

-Captain Ahab, in a theatrical aside, Chapter 127: The Deck.

After the whale drags Captain Ahab down and sinks the Pequod, the very well-made coffin/life-buoy shoots to the surface, and the only surviving crewmember (Ishmael, our narrator) clings to it until another ship picks him up. 

While Queequeg’s coffin is intended for mundane use (to preserve his body from sharks after death) and is eventually used for mundane purpose (Ishmael’s life preserver), Dean’s pseudo-coffin-building serves a more esoteric purpose - to lock himself and his angel double away from the world said angel wants to destroy (“for all angel is not’ing more dan de shark well goberned” - Fleece the cook, Moby-Dick). The ma’lak box is Dean and Michael’s “immortality-preserver”. We have two pairs of characters, and two death-coded vessels that serve to preserve them.

Remember that time Ishmael and Queequeg got married? Some authors have characterized this wedding as "the first portrait of same-sex marriage in American literature". That it causes some readers 'uneasiness'. The line 'our heart's honeymoon', describing the time post-marriage, was censored in the original publication. Other readers have taken the marriage esoterically, relating Ishmael and Queequeg's earthly marriage to the internal marriage of the self to the Jungian shadow-self.

Shadows**** follow the two protagonists of Moby-Dick, Ishmael and Ahab. Ishmael accepts and marries his shadow, Queequeg the cannibal, and learns the customs of the whaling-ship from him. He admires the unknowableness of the ocean and sky as well as Queequeg's unknowable tattoos. He frees himself from his initial depression, and is literally saved at the novel's conclusion by Queequeg's pseudo-body. Ahab, conversely, pushes away Pip the cabin boy (who serves as Lear's fool through the story, and speaks unknowably) and turns towards Fedallah the Parsee (described as Ahab's shadow in the book) who speaks concrete but awful truths. Ahab rejects reality and stays on a path of revenge even though warned multiple times that he will fail. He eventually dies, and brings most of his crew down with him. His lack of acceptance of his good shadow and of his true place in the world brings about destruction. Self-actualization results in being saved.

The (current) protagonists of Supernatural have shadow selves as well. Again @drsilverfish has an excellent post about this. Castiel's shadow is The Shadow/The Empty, which has appeared in his own form, and wishes only for sleep and nothingness. Dean's shadow, AU!Michael, only wants to destroy the world that Dean keeps sacrificing himself to protect. Sam's shadow, Nick, went through the same dark experiences Sam did, but unlike Sam wound up horribly twisted and murderous. We haven't seen Jack's shadow-self yet, but I suspect current sweet and kind graceless!Jack will have a foil in future uncaring soulless!Jack. The idea of marrying oneself to one's shadow, in Supernatural, is nearly unthinkable: they are destructive, inhuman entities. However, in 14x11 Sam managed to accept the reality of his shadow self and release himself from responsibility for Nick.

At this point Dean's plan is to death-wed himself to Michael for eternity, sharing one body and one coffin-bed at the bottom of the Pacific. We know from Jung and from Melville that the only way to survive the confrontation with the shadow is to accept it - to 'Know Thyself', without misconceptions about your place in the world. 'Gain[ing] the perspective on [your] soul and the universe that will make balance possible.' The coffin will become a life-buoy.

I suspect the ma'lak box will be used to trap something other than Dean or Michael (soulless!Jack, probably) at the end of this season. Even if it's current purpose is untenable, it is a tool that can be used in the future.

Comparison between Moby-Dick and Supernatural can occur on a number of different levels. Ishmael and Dean (and Castiel whose human vessel, Jimmy Novak, is of the line of Biblical Ishmael) are the heroes of the bildungsroman part of the story and are hangers on to Ahab/John/Sam's Shakespearean revenge quest. Each story is a very American depiction of a masculine world. Each mirror the world in a smaller vessel, a ship and a car. Jung's concept of the shadow self, however, holds as the key to this season through all of these eleven episodes, and the shadow self is one of many keys that promote understanding of Melville's Moby-Dick. Self-actualization saves the day.

* Note that geologists cry whenever people suggest indestructible things sent to the bottom of the ocean will stay there for all eternity.

** It was Yuletide, and I’d just binge-read the entire Aubrey-Maturin series.

*** I wrote about this last year when Yockey dropped Led Zeppelin’s Moby Dick into the story. Moby Dick, song, has nothing to do with Moby-Dick, book, except their mutual length, but Supernatural and Moby-Dick share quite a few themes. 

**** yes, Melville does make the shadows of his white protagonists literally dark-skinned

References:

@drsilverfish, “A Fridge-Locker, An Enochian Puzzle Box, a Ma’lak Box… and the Closet (14x11 Damaged Goods)”, http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182296360214/a-fridge-locker-an-enochian-puzzle-box-a-malak 

@drsilverfish​, “The Shadow (14x08)”, http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/180906003584/the-shadow-14x08

Brashers, H.C., 1962, "Ishmael's Tattoos": The Sewanee Review, v.70, n.1, p.137-154, http://wwww.jstor.org/stable/27540756

Halverson, John, 1963, "The Shadow in Moby-Dick": American Quarterly, v.15, n.3, p.436-446, http://www.jstor.org/stable/2711373

Horton, Margy Thomas, 2012, "Melville's Unfolding Selves: Identity Formation in Mardi, Moby-Dick, and Pierre": doctoral dissertation, Baylor University

Melville, Herman, “Moby-Dick; or, The Whale”, project Gutenberg ebook, http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2701/2701-h/2701-h.htm

[feathers-and-cigarettes]

Who are my BtVS/SPN parallel folks - I have yet to watch the ep but “locked in a box at the bottom of the ocean.” Season 4 of Angel anyone? Anyone have thoughts? Was my knee jerk reaction to seeing those spoilers but idk if it has any merit yet.

[naruhearts]

14x11 Thoughts, Destiel, & 10x09

(copy-paste from Twitter) 

- - - -

So I finally got around to watching this week’s ep — the whole thing — and it was...okay. I don’t think it packed super good characteristic/emotional punches like we’ve seen in recent weeks but it definitely spoke to Dean’s long-running low depressive self-worth (and ever-increasing queer Dean subtext via Michael’s closet!box and 14x10 closet!mind).

What stood out to me was the absence of Cas: no mention of him or Jack. And I don’t know if I should take that as solid or sloppy negative space placement by Perez or what, but there were callbacks/reduxes to Dean’s MoC arc — specifically 10x09.

Interestingly, it seemed like the infamous D/C burger date was reflected by Dean and Donna the Dean mirror’s burger meetup, with both scenarios unfolding in the same narrative context of Dean’s self-sacrificial worthlessness-induced Bad Decisions™ that altogether served as some kind of contrast for platonic vs familial vs romantic interpersonal dynamics.

In 10x09 Sam was also deceived by his brother — observe the visual Dark vs Light difference of both settings — in that Dean obviously wasn’t fine but he still cooked for him (he cooks with Mary in 14x11 as well)/successfully tricked Sam into thinking all is well. Afterwards, Dean went on his heavily Dabb romance-coded burger date with Cas.

In sombre-coloured 14x11 Sam knew Dean was visibly off, whereas Cas is...nowhere to be heard, seen, found. Dean doesn’t mention him at all either, and again I don’t know if that was just some weird lapse in writing consistency, but Perez probably intended to convey the primary negative space: that Dean can be stopped by his lover-coded best friend Cas who, indeed, won’t talk Dean out of his plan like Sam can, but would drill through the box and metaphorically/literally yank Dean out — grip him tight and raise him again from proverbial Perdition (Dean’s metaphorical/literal burial directly ties back to Lazarus Rising, and well, this is what cyclic S14’s thematically highlighted generally all season so far: the old beginning and new beginning of Dean’s first rebirth) aka Dean knew that Cas, like in 10x09, would call him out on his bluff asap. Dean knew that Cas saying “No, you’re not [fine]” could break his free resolve to go through with his self-punishing World Saving scheme.

x

Dean knows that Cas finding out would stop him in his tracks, because he can’t bear to feel like he’s failing him, but that’s the rub of the episode’s characteristic premise isn’t it? Dean’s Hiding-to-Protect-My-Family is paradoxically counterproductive - he’s failing them, and he’s always internalized that saying goodbye before marching off to his own death isn’t a commonality but a rarity. He almost got away with not telling Sam, and we’ll see how Cas finds out next ep (Sam’s “secret sick farewell tour” comment was accurate). I mean, these are the only logical points I can think of in terms of almost unequivocally Cas-less dialogue (seriously, where’d he go?) UNLESS, like I said above, Dean’s deliberately and consciously holding back (voila, repressing feelings and words) from bringing Cas to his own awareness so that he has an uninterrupted burial go-ahead.

***Recall that in S10 Cas was unable to follow through with Dean’s intimately-confided wish for Cas to kill him as soon as he fell MoC darkside, anyway. In fact, Dean excluding Cas entirely from his conscious functioning may be his Operation: Burial failsafe to protect his family — to protect Cas — from what could become the 10x22-reminiscent line of Michael’s fire. Yet Cas shall remain by his side. Forever, if need be, precisely because “everyone you know, everyone you love? They could be long dead. Everyone except me.” I’ll-Go-With-You Cas is the one Dean absolutely trusts.

x

And when Perez relays the Who Am I-linked thematic question of How Are You? Dean says:

x

(Sigh. This is why you must ‘die’, Dean. Break the remaining shackles of miscommunication and performativity that hinder you from TALKING ABOUT IT, from OPENING UP ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU’VE ALWAYS AVOIDED TALKING ABOUT ESPECIALLY ON THE LOVE AND...LOVE FRONT.)

What I really enjoyed were the overt naked cowboy beefcake posters in Donna’s shed that evoked Dean’s subtextual preference for dark-haired thick-bodied male cowboys a la 13x06 Cas etc. Those men?! Yep, they’re exactly your type too, Dean. Just last episode we observed the biggest Repressed Gay Hits of Dean’s subconscious/Michael’s dream construct, poised to nudge at the walls of text. Here, Dean got, uh, pretty distracted for a few seconds until he remembered that he had to “die” (literally locking himself up in his closet!box with naked Cas-representative men surrounding him and oh boy more 4x01 sparks flew during the closet!box building process: meta in meta) but I digress—

x

Overall 14x11 isn’t one of my faves. Dean basically revealed, more or less, what was in Billie’s Single Win endgame book, and it seemingly overhauled the very notion of Free Will and blank slates that Dean (and TFW) always embodied x. It felt disjointed in certain respects, and I hated that Donna and Mary were DiDs (come on, TPTB, get past the damselized misogyny, in all its veiled and obvious forms). Personally heart-wrenching to me though was Dean’s one-on-one time with Mary (he belittled his cooking abilities by claiming he’s a “terrible cook” *hello low self-worth*) — including his grief-tinged bologna & cheese Winchester Surprise story that almost segued into angry John memories — despite it falling short by missing the mark for true expositional discussion between them re: Dean’s actual feelings (no substantial emotive breakthrough. But yeah, I guess it should make sense that Dean’s regressed to toxic depressive behaviours and maladaptive secrecy before he metaphorically “dies” and is resurrected again).

Rating: 5/10. 6/10 if I’m being generous.

p.s. Donna was trying to ask Dean how he is, but Dean deflected during their burger outing (“Everybody keeps asking me how I am”) —> contrast to Cas seeing through Dean’s walls during burger date. And it’s intriguing that Doug comes up in conversation; her split with Doug — who couldn’t integrate into or commit with Donna’s hunting life — still affects her. It’s as if Dean’s ‘splitting up’ with Cas, which, he technically is (temporarily).

I’m sure I might have more thoughts on 14x11 later on, but this is the gist of my summary for now. Feel free to throw your thoughts around, peeps!!

And by the way, 14x12 promo has Cas saying “Stop with your suicidal plans” to whom I’m assuming is Dean. I just hope next week explains what happened to 14x11’s narrative cohesiveness at least :P

Now I’d like to call on @coinofstone‘s symbolic analysis of the books Dean chose for coffin-building :D 

[drsilverfish]

Jung and Dean’s Journey towards Self-Integration in 14x11 Damaged Goods

I’ve posted here already about all the heavy Dean-and-the-closet metaphors in Damaged Goods:

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182296360214/a-fridge-locker-an-enochian-puzzle-box-a-malak 

So, in this post, I want to talk about the continuing use the writers’ room is making this season of Jungian themes (in a micro-cosmic reflection of the larger cosmic scale on which those same themes played out in S11, in the God/ The Darkness storyline).

This extends my now developing series of Jungian-themed S14 meta:

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/180906003584/the-shadow-14x08

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/181122764984/14x09-the-spear-jungian-decoder-ring-edition

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182257314199/what-the-light-and-shadow-tells-us

The two books which Dean takes from the bunker, to help him in his construction of the Ma’lak (angel) box (i.e. a huge Dean’s repression/ closet metaphor) are: 

and..

The second, Maria Prophetissima Historia Achengeli, is really interesting, because Maria Prophetissima is known as one of the first alchemists....

See her Wiki entry here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_the_Jewess 

None of her own writings survive, as far as we know, so it’s a pretty cool idea (just look at the SPN creative team’s attention to set dressing narrative detail!) that the Men of Letters would have a “lost” book of hers. 

However, some quotes attributed to her do survive in others’ writings, notably:

“Join the male and the female, and you will find what is sought.”

AND 

“Out of the One comes Two, out of Two comes Three, and from the Third comes the One as the Fourth.”

This brings us back directly to the psychoanalyst Carl Jung, whose ideas on the psychological confrontation with the internal Shadow, and (for men) additionally with the internal Anima (the “feminine archetype” in the subconscious) as part of the psyche’s journey towards self-development and integration are, as I’ve laid out in the previous meta above, driving this season thematically:

Here is an interpretation of Maria Prophetissima’s saying, about the “one, two, three” etc., from a book called Jung and the Tarot: An Archetypal Journey by Sallie Nichols (p108):

Using this Jungian framework, in relation to Dean, in S14 in general, and here in Damaged Goods specifically:

1) = Conscious (and currently repressing hard) Dean

2) = Shadow Dean (Dean’s repression, embodied by AU!Michael, who in turn is a John Winchester mirror, which includes his repression of all his trauma, as we glimpsed during the journey into his mind in 14x10 Nihilism, and his repression of his emotionally expressive softer side, the side that wants to hug Sam more when the world isn’t ending, and, finally, his repression of his queerness)

3) = Inner Mediator - this is Dean’s Anima, his internal feminine counter-part (which we could say Pamela Barnes represented in 14x10 Nihilism) - Jung considered the Anima to be a messenger between the conscious and the subconscious

I really loved @shirtlesssammy ‘s meta on Pamela as a guardian in 14x10, to which I added something on Pamela as a psychopomp, both of which link to her role as Dean’s Anima/ feminine counter-part/ mediator between his conscious and sub-conscious in Nihilism (see here);

http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182196788399/pamela-the-guardian-in-14x10 

4) = Integrated Dean (i.e. eventual “endgame Dean”) 

Dean’s confronation with AU!Michael, can be seen as a metaphor for his confrontation with his Shadow:

Dean’s confrontation with Dark!Kaia, can be seen as metaphor (one among several manifestations) for his psyche’s conversation with his Shadow/ Anima:

Alchemy, was the magic/ philosophy/ early quasi-science of the attempted transformation of substances, with a history stretching from ancient Egypt (BC) through the medieval Arabic and then European worlds, into the Renaissance.

On the material plane, it perhaps most famously involved attempts to transmute lead into gold. But, on the philosophical and spiritual planes, that transmutation was a metaphor for the purification and ascendance of the soul. 

Jung was interested in alchemy because he saw the integrative work, which he believed was the goal of psychoanalysis, as a kind of “alchemy of the soul”.

Now, as well as Maria Prophetissima and the adoption of her ideas of alchemical transmutation by Jung, we have the demon Abraxas, another esoteric figure picked up by Jung in his writings, likewise appearing in Damaged Goods, contained by Mary Winchester in this Enochian puzzle box:

This box is another HUGE metaphor for Dean’s repression, which is why it’s really significant that Abraxas was locked away by Dean’s mother, Mary (apparently many years ago, before her death). Because Mary’s death was the origin point for Dean’s childhood trauma, and the beginning of hard-core repression on Dean’s part, as a coping mechanism. 

Nick (ugh) drills into the box to release the demon, and we can read this is a metaphor for the (eventual) release of AU!Michael/ Dean’s Shadow-Self from its prison of repression (given all the other metaphors about locked rooms and boxes and closets in the ep). Here is the demon-smoke (i.e. the shadow) of Abraxas released:

Jung, in very mystical terms, conceptualised Abraxas, in his book Seven Sermons to the Dead (1916) as the driving force of self-integration:

“That which is spoken by God-the-Sun is life; that which is spoken by the Devil is death; Abraxas speaketh that hallowed and accursed word, which is life and death at the same time. Abraxas begetteth truth and lying, good and evil, light and darkness in the same word and in the same act...”

“It [Abraxas] is the monster of the under-world, a thousand-armed polyp, coiled knot of winged serpents, frenzy.

It is the hermaphrodite of the earliest beginning....

It is abundance that seeketh union with emptiness.

It is holy begetting.

It is love and love’s murder.

It is the saint and his betrayer.

It is the brightest light of day and the darkest night of madness.”

Carl Jung Seven Sermons to the Dead (1916) (Sermon 3)

Yes, did I mention Jung was heavily inclined to mysticism.     

Here is a link to the Seven Sermons themselves, for the truly geeky amongst you 

http://gnosis.org/library/7Sermons.htm 

Abraxas has been linked to another mystical symbol Jung was interested in, the Ouroboros (the symbol of a serpent devouring its own tail) and we know we have an episode of that very title coming up soon (14x14 Ouroboros). The ouroboros originated in ancient Egypt and its meaning has shifted over time, space and culture (the Victorians often adorned grave-stones with the ouroboros as a symbol of resurrection):

However, for Jung, the ouroboros is a symbol for the integration of the conscious self with the Shadow:

“The alchemists, who in their own way knew more about the nature of the individuation process than we moderns do, expressed this paradox through the symbol of the Ouroboros, the snake that eats its own tail. The Ouroboros has been said to have a meaning of infinity or wholeness. In the age-old image of the Ouroboros lies the thought of devouring oneself and turning oneself into a circulatory process, for it was clear to the more astute alchemists that the prima materia of the art was man himself. The Ouroboros is a dramatic symbol for the integration and assimilation of the opposite, i.e. of the shadow. This ‘feed-back’ process is at the same time a symbol of immortality, since it is said of the Ouroboros that he slays himself and brings himself to life, fertilizes himself and gives birth to himself. He symbolizes the One, who proceeds from the clash of opposites, and he therefore constitutes the secret of the prima materia which […] unquestionably stems from man’s unconscious.”

Carl Jung, Collected Works, Vol. 14 para. 513)

http://jungcurrents.com/a-jungian-shaggy-snake-story 

This all links beautifully to the theme of S14 presaged in the S14 poster, of light and shadow - i.e. of the confrontation with the Shadow-Self on the path towards, eventual (end-game) self-integration.

Dean described himself as AU!Michael’s (i.e. his own) prison in 14x10 Nihilism  -  “I am the cage!”, and in 14x11 Damaged Goods, Sam asks him, “That’s your plan? You wanna be buried alive?” To which Dean replies desperately, “That door is giving! I can feel it giving!”

So, we can understand, in narrative metaphor, that Dean has reached a crisis point, wherein his own strategies of self-repression are no longer working - the door is giving, the mirror is cracking:

For now, Dean wants to go full pedal-to-the-metal with the repression, piling it on six layers deep. He want’s to lock AU!Michael and himself in a mystical Ma’lak box and drop it to the bottom of the ocean for eternity.

But, the harder you repress your Shadow, the more it comes for you... 

The key, according to Jung, is to turn and embrace it, and in so-doing, to discover your beautiful, hidden potential...