#12 april 2018

[endlesslogo]

Yes, I have been drawing the second part of that one comic for a long time, just because I’m procrastinating and drawing sketches🙄, and what are you going to do with it ? Nothing ☝️You don’t know where I live

[ryemiffie]

The 13th chapter of Where I can protect you, a 12'tmnt rottmnt crossover fic is out now after a long hiatus! The chapter is now on Quotev and ao3!

Sorry wattpad readers, y'all gonna have to wait a bit for the new chapter

[rabbitcruiser]

World War I: Canadian forces successfully completed the taking of Vimy Ridge from the Germans on April 12, 1917.

[wiiildflowerrr]

@5SOS: // 5 S O S - YOUNGBLOOD //

12 April 2018

[mermaidinthecity]

laurenalaina: Tickled “pink” about being the Social Media Correspondent for the awards this Sunday. Be sure to follow along all weekend on my page and on @acmawards page 💕

[batboyblog]

Things Biden and the Democrats did, this week #16

April 26-May 3 2024

President Biden announced $3 billion to help replace lead pipes in the drinking water system. Millions of Americans get their drinking water through lead pipes, which are toxic, no level of lead exposure is safe. This problem disproportionately affects people of color and low income communities. This first investment of a planned $15 billion will replace 1.7 million lead pipe lines. The Biden Administration plans to replace all lead pipes in the country by the end of the decade.

President Biden canceled the student debt of 317,000 former students of a fraudulent for-profit college system. The Art Institutes was a for-profit system of dozens of schools offering degrees in video-game design and other arts. After years of legal troubles around misleading students and falsifying data the last AI schools closed abruptly without warning in September last year. This adds to the $29 billion in debt for 1.7 borrowers who wee mislead and defrauded by their schools which the Biden Administration has done, and a total debt relief for 4.6 million borrowers so far under Biden.

President Biden expanded two California national monuments protecting thousands of acres of land. The two national monuments are the San Gabriel Mountains National Monument and the Berryessa Snow Mountain National Monument, which are being expanded by 120,000 acres. The new protections cover lands of cultural and religious importance to a number of California based native communities. This expansion was first proposed by then Senator Kamala Harris in 2018 as part of a wide ranging plan to expand and protect public land in California. This expansion is part of the Administration's goals to protect, conserve, and restore at least 30 percent of U.S. lands and waters by 2030.

The Department of Transportation announced new rules that will require car manufacturers to install automatic braking systems in new cars. Starting in 2029 all new cars will be required to have systems to detect pedestrians and automatically apply the breaks in an emergency. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration projects this new rule will save 360 lives every year and prevent at least 24,000 injuries annually.

The IRS announced plans to ramp up audits on the wealthiest Americans. The IRS plans on increasing its audit rate on taxpayers who make over $10 million a year. After decades of Republicans in Congress cutting IRS funding to protect wealthy tax cheats the Biden Administration passed $80 billion for tougher enforcement on the wealthy. The IRS has been able to collect just in one year $500 Million in undisputed but unpaid back taxes from wealthy households, and shows a rise of $31 billion from audits in the 2023 tax year. The IRS also announced its free direct file pilot program was a smashing success. The program allowed tax payers across 12 states to file directly for free with the IRS over the internet. The IRS announced that 140,000 tax payers were able to use it over their target of 100,000, they estimated it saved $5.6 million in tax prep fees, over 90% of users were happy with the webpage and reported it quicker and easier than companies like H&R Block. the IRS plans to bring direct file nationwide next year.

The Department of Interior announced plans for new off shore wind power. The two new sites, off the coast of Oregon and in the Gulf of Maine, would together generate 18 gigawatts of totally clean energy, enough to power 6 million homes.

The Biden Administration announced new rules to finally allow DACA recipients to be covered by Obamacare. Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) is an Obama era policy that allows people brought to the United States as children without legal status to remain and to legally work. However for years DACA recipients have not been able to get health coverage through the Obamacare Health Care Marketplace. This rule change will bring health coverage to at least 100,000 uninsured people.

The Department of Health and Human Services finalized rules that require LGBTQ+ and Intersex minors in the foster care system be placed in supportive and affirming homes.

The Senate confirmed Georgia Alexakis to a life time federal judgeship in Illinois. This brings the total number of federal judges appointed by President Biden to 194. For the first time in history the majority of a President's nominees to the federal bench have not been white men.

[misteria247]

I need to have more stuff involving these two cuz I love them sm

Y'all know that one headcanon I mentioned in an ask for the 12 Mom Leo interacting with the Rise Gang and I mentioned that Rise April likes to rub his shell? Well this is what I'm talking about:

Rise April kinda just accidentally stumbles on this little nugget of knowledge when she'd noticed 12 Leo was looking rather tenser than he usually does. Seeing this of course makes her big sister alarms go off because no little brother of hers should look so stressed out. So she goes over to him and starts to talk to him and check in on him, probing him and trying to get a read on him because she wants to help him. Plus 12 Leo's always helping everyone else in the lair from his brothers to 12 April and 12 Casey to Rise April's boys, Rise Splinter and Rise Draxum and Rise Cassandra so she wants to return the favor.

It's while she's trying to figure out how to help him that she unconsciously just starts to rub his upper back to offer him a sense of comfort and support that it happens. She feels 12 Leo tremble a bit and gives him a concerned look only to catch a glimpse of his face relaxing along with his posture. Rise April's curiosity gets perked and she continues to rub and massage his shell watching as his tense posture literally melts away. 12 Leo is literally a puddle of goo at this point completely relaxed against her, so much so that he let's out a small satisfied churring sound. Rise April pauses startled because holy shit what was that?? And 12 Leo's immediately embarrassed and he's like:

"Oh my God I'm sorry April I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable I don't usually do things like that-"

And as he's rambling on Rise April's just barely holding herself back from squishing this boy's cheeks in giddiness because omfg that was the cutest thing she's ever seen come out of 12 Leo and she wants him to do it again because churring noises meant that he was happy and relaxed and she'd learned it from her own boys as well as the 12 boys whenever they got extremely happy or content. And seeing 12 Leo finally doing the same thing that the others do is basically a sign that he's finally relaxed around her. Rise April's just beaming and she places her hands back on his shell continuing her rubs and massages while saying:

"Lee, it's cool. I'm just glad that you're relaxing around me. Now just let me continue and you just sit back and relax ya hear me?"

And 12 Leo can only nod because he's already back to being a puddle of relaxation in her hands once more. Rise April continues to do it, earning more happy churrs from the older turtle and before she even realizes it 12 Leo's fast asleep against her. She just gives him a small smile and gently pats his shell getting comfortable so he can nap peacefully.

After that Rise April's always ready to give 12 Leo that shell rub to help him relax and she's the only one who knows about this little discovery outside her group and she guards this secret viciously.

[55szn]

always and forever - cs55

carlos sainz x fem!reader smau

summary an instagram timeline of carlos and yn’s 8 years long relationship warnings too much fluff fc dua lipa taglist @jaydaaasworld notes i have more requests to get to but i’ve had this idea for a while and let’s just say i needed to write some carlitos fluff🥲

INSTAGRAM

carlossainz55

liked by pierregasly, yourusername and 10.302 others

carlossainz55 Always a good time with this one 😜❤️

tagged yourusername

view all 52 comments

yourusername t quiero Carlitosss (love you)

carlossainz55 te quiero más ynnnn (love you more)

user scrolled all the way down to carlos first post and of couse it’s yn

user he’s always been so in love with her is so cute

user so pretty

april 20, 2016

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, yourbsf and 4.291 others

yourusername Feliz cumpleaños a mi persona favorita 💕😘 #birthdayboy (Happy birthday to my favorite person)

tagged carlossainz55

view all 43 comments

carlossainz55 muchas gracias preciosa 💓😘 thank u so much beautiful

yourusername por muchos más cumpleaños juntos 💘 here’s to many more birthdays together

yourbsf feliz cumpleaños!!

user so we are all just stalking their instagrams after their last post, right?

user how can you not

user and they posted each other sooo often it’s so sweet

user i’ve been a fan of carlos for so long and they’ve ALWAYS been there for each other i love yn

september 1, 2017

carlossainz55

liked by yourusername, fernandoalo_official and 24.289 others carlossainz55 Quick getaway to celebrate two years and counting with my soulmate by my side 🌅❤️

tagged yourusername

view all 98 comments

yourusername oh carlitos 🥺

yourusername you sure know how to make a girl swoon

yourusername i’ll love you forever <3

user STAWWWWPP

user his caption and her comments i might die 😣

user they’ve been together for a lifetime oh my god

august 15, 2018

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 12.210 others

yourusername my boy and his new boyfriend 🙄

tagged carlossainz55, landonorris

view all 73 comments

landonorris sorry i’m just that charming 💁🏻

yourusername he was mine first 😠

carlossainz55 don’t fight i’ll choose yn anyway

landonorris damn 💔

user bro was so down bad he couldn’t even play along to the joke

user omg i never knew it was yn who posted these iconic carlando pics

user well it makes sense she’s carlando’s no. 1 fan

user supporting her boyfriend’s boyfriend iktr 😌

may 22, 2019

carlossainz55

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 368.291 others

carlossainz55 i would have gone insane without you during this crazy year, feliz año nuevo mi amor😘💘 (happy new year my love)

tagged yourusername

view all 1.308 comments

yourusername gotta admit quarantine sucked a little bit less with you by my side

carlossainz55 just a little? 😏

yourusername okay maybe it didn’t suck at all 🤐

user oh to be carlos a be able to lay on yn all day long

user she looks so cute in the third pic 🥺

user from when they were FINALLY (yn’s words) able to see each other after spending two weeks apart 😭

user most in love mfs i’ve ever seen

december 31, 2020

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari and 15.291 others

yourusername already knew he looked good in red but thanks for the confirmation @ scuderiaferrari 😝

tagged carlossainz55

view all 119 comments

carlossainz55 you’re making me blush ☺️

scuderiaferrari you’re more than welcome yn! 😌

user this pic is so sjdiaq

user i don’t want to speak of the things i would do if carlos looked at me like that with those big ass eyes 🫠

user yn is such a lucky girl

user SHE is lucky??!?!? have you seen her??? carlos should be thanking every god above

user i’m pretty sure he does that everyday 😭

march 12, 2021

carlossainz55

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 456.412 others

carlossainz55 guess i’m a tatted man now, i just can’t say no to that face 😶

tagged yourusername

view all 1.302 comments

yourusername you have to admit it’s pretty cute

carlossainz55 whatever you say🫡

user oh my god carlos get up!!

landonorris i don’t think that’s enough ink to call yourself a tatted man mate

yourusername maybe i should make another appointment 🤔

carlossainz55 don’t give her ideas you muppet 🤦🏻

user i didn’t know they had matching tattoos that’s so cute 😭

user sleeping on the highway tonite

october 17, 2022

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, lilymhe and 732.819 others

yourusername how could i say no when my date looked like that? 🤭

tagged carlossainz55

view all 3.995 comments

carlossainz55 can’t wait to spend forever with you mi amor ❤️

maxverstappen1 congratulations you two! 😘😘

carmenmmundt so so thrilled for you both! love you 🫶🏻

yourusername i love you my girl, get ready to try on a loooot of dresses 😅

user EVERYONE remembers where they were when this post dropped

user i remember dropping my phone on my face when i opened instagram

user i cried happy tears, had been waiting for that day for years 🥹

august 15, 2023

carlossainz55

liked by yourusername, georgerussell63 and 3.281.819 others

carlossainz55 can’t believe i finally get to call you my wife. just you and me, always and forever, te amo yn ❤️

tagged yourusername

view all 10.371 comments

yourusername te amo y te amaré por siempre, mi carlitos (i love you and i’ll you forever, my carlitos)

user “mi carlitos” oh god i’m sobbing

landonorris congratulations, you two were made for each other ! 🥰

yourusername your boyfriend is now my husband 😜

landonorris don’t even remind me about it.

charles_leclerc so happy for you two ❤️❤️

user can’t believe i’ve been following carlos since the beggining of their relationship and now they’re married

user omg don’t even talk to me abt it i feel like a proud mother

september 28, 2024

the end

[labbaik-ya-hussain-as]

1. Haifa Massacre 1937

2. Jerusalem Massacre 1937

3. Haifa Massacre 1938

4. Balad al-Sheikh Massacre 1939

5. Haifa Massacre 1939

6. Haifa Massacre 1947

7. Abbasiya Massacre 1947

8. Al-Khisas Massacre 1947

9. Bab al-Amud Massacre 1947

10. Jerusalem Massacre 1947

11. Sheikh Bureik Massacre 1947

12. Jaffa Massacre 1948

13. Deir Yassin Massacre 1948

14. Tantura Massacre 1948

15. Qibya Massacre 1953

16. Khan Yunis Massacre 1956

17. Jerusalem Massacre 1967

18. Sabra and Shatila Massacre 1982

19. Al-Aqsa Massacre 1990

20. Ibrahimi Mosque Massacre 1994

21. Jenin Refugee Camp April 2002

22.

23. Gaza Massacre 2012

24. Gaza Massacre 2014

25. Gaza Massacre 2018-19

26. Gaza Massacre 2021

27. Gaza Genocide 2023 is still ongoing.

28. DON'T LET ANYONE CONVINCE YOU THAT IT STARTED ON OCTOBER 7th***

[dontmean2bepoliticalbut]

On 7/31/2019 Trump has a private meeting with Putin. On 8/3/2019, just 3 days after his private meeting with Putin Trump issues a request for a list of top US spies. By 2021 the CIA reports an unusually high number of their agents are being captured and/or being murdered. During the search executed at Mar A Lago the FBI find nore documents with lists of U.S. informants on them.

A Timeline

• FBI wiretapped Russian gambling ring headquartered at Trump Tower for two years - March 21, 2017

• Trump revealed highly classified information to Russian foreign minister and ambassador - May 15, 2017

• Trump, Putin Meet For 2 Hours In Helsinki - July 16, 2018

• Rand Paul Goes To Russia And Delivers Letter For Trump, Marking Our Era Of Irony - August 9, 2018

• Following the Money: Trump and Russia-Linked Transactions From the Campaign to the Presidential Inauguration - December 17, 2018

• The US extracted a top spy from Russia after Trump revealed classified information to the Russians in an Oval Office meeting - September 10, 2019

• Trump’s Loose Lips Force US to Extract Spy From Kremlin - September 10, 2019

• Was Mar-a-Lago Trespasser a Tourist or a Spy? A Judge Said Her Story Didn’t Hold Up. - November 25, 2019

• Trump downplays massive cyber hack on government after Pompeo links attack to Russia - December 19, 2020

• Russia has been cultivating Trump as an asset for 40 years, former KGB spy says - January 29, 2021

• There was Trump-Russia collusion — and Trump pardoned the colluder - April 17, 2021

• Longtime GOP operatives charged with funneling Russian national’s money to Trump, RNC - September 20, 2021

• Captured, Killed or Compromised: C.I.A. Admits to Losing Dozens of Informants - October 5, 2021

• Files Seized From Trump Are Part of Espionage Act Inquiry - August 12, 2022

• Ex-Clinton aide implies 'President of France' file found at Trump's home during Mar-a-Lago raid could be valuable to Putin as 'kompromat' - August 13, 2022

• Inventing Anna: The tale of a fake heiress, Mar-a-Lago, and an FBI investigation - August 22, 2022

• Russians used a US firm to funnel funds to GOP in 2018. Dems say the FEC let them get away with it - October 30, 2022

• Trump makes shocking comments about trusting Putin over US 'intelligence lowlifes' - January 31, 2023

• Russia's Prigozhin admits links to what US says was election meddling troll farm - February 14, 2023

• GOP operative sentenced to 18 months for funneling Russian money to Trump- February 17, 2023

• Trump allegedly discussed US nuclear subs with foreign national after leaving White House: Sources - October 5, 2023

• 'So appalled': What witnesses told special counsel about Trump's handling of classified info while still president - April 24, 2024

🤔🤔🤔

[lostwords-found]

So that last post by Alesis Newman, the one that was locked by "BetterTheNew", was dated January 3 2018. Eight months before her previous post.

The police files on Dr Samuel Webber were dated April 3 2009. Eight months before the date in his journal.

Dr Samuel Webber murdered his ex and then was turned into a tree. We don't know what happened to Alesis Newman's ex before she turned herself into some kind of coral creature, but she was taking bereavement leave at the end. Out of death, something is trying to be born. Or reborn...

...Oh yeah, and let's not even go near this other (lonely, eye-encrusted) rabbithole, let alone down it:

Norris read Dr. Webber's case, about a man who murdered his lover rather than lose her and then was trapped alone in a walled garden, in denial about what he had done and eternally haunted by her voice, with only a small piece of himself remaining aware and perpetually terrified but unable to voice its fear. Cool! Yeah. That's definitely... that's definitely not significant or deeply upsetting in any way.

But Chester... Chester read Alesis Newman's case, about a woman who intentionally destroyed herself in the wake of a lover whom she saw as trying to change her into the person he wanted her to be--and replaced herself with something new and inhuman. Something that has her eyes.

And by post 13, using her paralysis computer, Alesis is writing with her eyes. So is that actually her writing? If it's not, when in that sequence of posts did it stop being her? What does "no longer her" actually mean in this context? Certainly, she's becoming something that the Alesis of eight months earlier, the Alesis of the immediately-deleted fourteenth post, would no longer identify with--if some part of her still existed.

Cool. Yeah. That's definitely not significant... or deeply upsetting... in any way.

OK but I said let's not go down that rabbithole, so let's forget I just said any of that and go back to talking about the post dates, yeah?

Yeah.

So, sometimes some of these cases have some interesting correspondences with TMA statements, so there might be something there. Alesis started that thread, opening up to everyone about her journey to creating a better her, on June 20, 2018. I wonder if there were any TMA statements dated June of 2018?

Case #0181206 (June 12, 2018)

Statement of unknown bystander regarding an encounter with The Archivist.

...Oh.

Okay, well, that's... interesting, but not necessarily meaningful. Let's try this: the last date in her transformation/replacement, the last point where maybe there was still something left of the original "her," was September 3, 2018. Anything interesting happen in TMA in September of 2018?

Case #0182509-A (September 25, 2018)

Original recording of events leading to the disappearances of Jonathan Sims, Martin Blackwood, Alice Tonner and Peter Lukas.

...Ah. Ha. Um. Well, that could also be an interesting coincidence. What about that deleted 14th post that was somehow eight months earlier, back in January? The one with an Alesis who still tried to cry out against the thing she was becoming?

There's nothing in January, but... oh... right.

Case #0170908 (August 7, 2017 )

Statement of Elias Bouchard, regarding the dreams of Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, currently unresponsive.

...

Case #0181502 (February 15, 2018)

Statement of Oliver Banks, regarding his dreams and trying to run away. Statement given directly to Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, currently unresponsive.

...January of 2018, Jonathan Sims was in a coma. September of 2018, the Archivist received the final mark that would enable Jonah's ritual.

January through September of 2018 in the world of Protocol, something was trying to be born into a physical form, replacing Alesis Newman.

Cool, I say through gritted teeth. Yeah. That's definitely not significant, or deeply upsetting, in. any. way.

[un-ionizetheradlab]

Russia just freed SIXTEEN political prisoners in a prisoner swap with the West!

Among the released political prisoners are:

Oleg Orlov, a longtime dissident and the co-chair of Memorial, an organization created in 1989 to chronicle the USSR's human rights abuses and educate Russians about the history of political repression;

Sasha Skochilenko, an LGBTQ artist who was imprisoned in April 2022 for replacing price tags at grocery stores with data about Russian destruction in Ukraine, deemed treasonous under Russia's "fake news" law;

Vladimir Kara-Murza, a political dissident who was fundamental in bringing about the Magnitsky Act to sanction Russian human rights abusers, and who was poisoned twice by the KGB in attempted assassinations before being sentenced to 25 years in prison for "treason";

Evan Gershkovich, a young American journalist who was arrested in Russia while reporting for the Wall Streeet Journal in March 2023 and sentenced to 16 years in prison for "espionage";

Paul Whelan, American former Marine who was arrested in 2018 and sentenced to 16 years of hard labor for "espionage";

Alsu Kurmasheva, a Russian-American journalist with Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty who was sentenced to 6.5 years in prison for spreading "fake news" about the war in Ukraine;

Andrei Pivovarov, an opposition activist who headed the pro-democracy organization Open Russia before being imprisoned in a Siberian penal colony infamous for its torture of prisoners;

Ilya Yashin, a young opposition politician who was sentenced to 8.5 years in prison for publishing YouTube videos about the war in Ukraine; when Russian authorities "encouraged" him to leave the country, he chose instead to stay;

Lilia Chanysheva, opposition activist and regional coordinator of Navalny HQ; in her final speech before the Russian court, she tried in vain to appeal to the judge's sense of empathy: "If you put me in jail for 12 years, I will be too old to bear a child. Give me a chance to be a mother!";

Kevin Lik, a dual German-Russian citizen who was arrested as a minor for "photographing military sites" shortly before the 2022 invasion of Ukraine; he was the youngest person ever to be convicted of treason in Russia;

Rico Krieger, a German man sentenced to death in Belarus for supposedly planting explosives on a railroad track to help the Ukrainian army;

Dieter Voronin, a dual German-Russian citizen and political scientist who was arrested in 2021 in connection to a treason case involving Russian journalist Ivan Safronov;

Patrick Schobel, a German man arrested in February 2024 at the Pulkovo International Airport in St Petersburg when customs officers found cannabis gummies in his luggage, in a scenario very similar to that of Brittney Griner;

German Moyzhes, a dual German-Russian citizen and lawyer who was charged with treason for helping Russians obtain European residency permits;

Vadim Ostanin, opposition activist and Navalny associate arrested in 2021 for his work with Navalny's Anti-Corruption Foundation;

Ksenia Fadeyeva, dissident and Navalny associate sentenced to 9 years in prison.

[rabbitcruiser]

World War I: Canadian forces successfully completed the taking of Vimy Ridge from the Germans on April 12, 1917.

[justagalwhowrites]

Halcyon - Ch. 13: You’re Not What I Would Call Nurturing

Anna gives birth and caring for a newborn is even harder than you expected. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 12, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Mild near smut, non-graphic depiction of childbirth, childcare struggles. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 8.7k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

April, 2018 

Gale had been holed up in his home office since you got home and your excitement was starting to exhaust your patience. 

He liked to have his space when he was writing. Then, so did you, and he respected it. Well, usually respected it. You did your best to do the same. But it had been hours now. You’d resigned yourself to having dinner alone, setting aside a plate for him, and waited for Gale to emerge so you could talk to him. It hadn’t happened, not even to use the bathroom or get a glass of water.

You set your book on your legs, rapping your fingers along the cover of it and worrying at your lip. You really didn’t want to sit here, holding everything in, any longer. 

You put in your bookmark and set the novel you’d barely been able to pay attention to aside, going to the kitchen for a bottle of sparkling water and a protein bar to bring your husband. 

“Hey you,” you smiled, peeking into his office after knocking once on the door. He glanced up from his desk, brows raised, head bent so low you could see where his hair was thinning.You came all the way into his office, walls lined with bookshelves and surfaces stacked high with paper. You held up the water and protein bar like an offering. “I haven’t heard you come out in a while and it’s getting late. Thought you should eat at least something tonight.” 

“Thanks,” he said, looking back down at the pages in front of him. You took it as permission to come closer, so you did, setting the food down next to his computer before perching on the edge of his desk. You crossed your ankles in front of you and held onto the desktop, rapping the underside of it with your fingernails in a sharp rhythm. 

Gale sighed, setting the page he was reading down and crossing his arms on his desktop, leaning on it before giving you a small smile as he looked up at you. 

“Something on your mind, baby doll?” He asked, brows raised, looking like he was trying his best to restrain his amusement. 

“Maybe,” you teased a little, not able to stop the smile on your face. “Remember how I had that doctor’s appointment earlier today?” 

“Think so,” he frowned. “Why? Did everything go well?” 

“It went great,” you smiled. “I actually… well, instead of it just being a check up, I asked her to check for a few things…” 

Gale frowned further before he took the bait. 

“Check for what?” He asked. 

“Check and see if I’m in a good place to have a baby,” you tried to keep from acting too excited about it but you were. You were practically giddy. “She said everything looked good. Great, in fact. And… well, I was thinking… you have that sabbatical coming up in, what, two years? Wouldn’t it be great if we could spend it together? I can take some time off, my book should be well and launched by then, you can work on your next book and we can spend a lot of time just you, me and… and a baby.” 

He watched you for a moment, an almost amused look on his face before he laughed a little. 

“Are you being serious?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” your smile faltered a bit. “Yeah, I figured that… you know, we’re not getting any younger, we’re at a good spot career wise, my body is apparently in prime baby making territory…” 

“Sure, the timing is great if we were going to do it but,” he laughed once and shook his head, turning his face to his lap for a moment before looking back to you, a serious expression on his face. He took your hands in his, giving them a squeeze. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but… Do you really think having children is a good idea for you?” 

You couldn’t stop your smile from falling this time, eyes searching his. 

“What?” You asked quietly. 

“Honey, just…” He sat back a little and sighed. “Look. You’re… I love you. That’s why I married you and you’re an extraordinary woman in so many ways. You make me the best possible version of myself and I’m grateful for that every day but… You’re not what I would call nurturing.” 

You frowned. 

“But…” 

“It’s not a bad thing, necessarily,” he said, as though you hadn’t spoken at all. “You’re just far more concerned with what’s in your head or on the page than about something like children. Do you really think you’d do a good job with a child? Be honest with yourself. Do you think you’d be able to make the sacrifices necessary and put them first? Or would you fail and make them pay the price? And then there’s everything with your mental health - we both know how you can get sometimes and you clearly got it from your mother - I doubt you want to pass that on to a child or burden one with it when you’re having a rough patch…” 

“But,” you said again, feeling the pinch of tears in your eyes. “I thought… don’t you want kids?” 

“Of course I do,” he shrugged. “But I decided I wanted you more. I went into this marriage with eyes wide open, I knew I wouldn’t be having children with you and I decided that you were worth the sacrifice.” 

You tried to keep from crying but felt a tear slip down your cheek, anyway, as you stared down toward your feet. 

“Hey,” he said, getting up and putting his hand to your nape, pulling your head up to look him in the eye. “It’s alright. I don’t hold it against you. I made my peace with it a long time ago. And it’s better if we just don’t have them instead of ruining them, right?” 

“Right,” you sniffed and he kissed you on the forehead before stepping back from you. 

“I’m going to try to finish this chapter research before bed,” he said. “I’m getting close but it’ll still be a bit, I’ll see you upstairs. Thank you for bringing me something to eat, I lost track of time.” 

“Sure,” you said, going to the door like you were on autopilot. You paused, your fingers on the knob before looking back at him. “I love you.” 

He was silent, looking over his papers, lost in his work again. 

“Gale?” 

“Hm?” He looked up, brows raised. 

“I love you.” 

“Oh,” he said absently, looking back down at the page. “I love you, too.” 

You looked at your husband for another second, trying to accept that he would not, in fact, be the father of your children before you left him to his writing and went to bed alone. 

April, 2023

You buried your face in his shoulder, straining to keep your nails from digging into his back, the cotton of his shirt bunching between your fingers as your hips canted up to grind against him. He licked and sucked at your neck, arms wrapped around your back, pressing your front tightly to his and he moaned as he worked his hard cock still trapped in his jeans down against your mound. 

“Fuck,” he panted, his mouth working his way over your neck to your jaw, wet on your tender skin and you tried to let yourself get in lost in him. 

It was hard, though. For one, you knew you should hold back. It wasn’t the right time to start sleeping with someone, life was too complicated without adding that into a relationship. For another, you hadn’t had sex since Gale and the thought of taking your clothes off in front of someone new made your heart race - and not in a good way. And, finally, there was something not quite right about him. 

Maybe it was his cologne, maybe it was the timbre of his voice, maybe it was the fact that he just didn’t feel right in your arms or between your legs but you just couldn’t make yourself want Stephen. 

At least, not in the way you wanted Joel. 

Not that you were proud of that. The opposite, in fact. You tried your damndest to bury that feeling deep and low inside yourself after the incident in Dallas. You didn’t WANT to want Joel. It hurt to want Joel. It always had and that didn’t change after that morning. 

You were still half entwined with Joel and trying not to panic when Sarah started knocking on the bedroom door, saying she was hungry and that she wanted to go somewhere that would have chocolate milk for breakfast and also could she try a coffee if you went to Starbucks since she was now basically a teenager and was tired after being out so late the night before at the concert. 

The two of you scrambled away from each other, your panties sticky and wet and you could feel the heat rising in your face. How could you have done this? Dry humped yourself to orgasm on your best friend? 

“It’s OK,” Joel said again, eyes wide and voice quiet. “Let’s just… we get back home and…” 

“Hey guys?” Sarah called through the door for the second time in as many minutes. “Is my Ears Tour shirt in there? I want to wear it.” 

“I got it baby girl,” Joel said, grabbing the bag and going for the door and then it was the three of you again. You weren’t alone with Joel until you stopped for gas in West, Sarah running inside to use the bathroom and start picking out kolache from the bakery case while Joel filled up the truck. 

His eyes darted over to you, like you were something volatile and unknown, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. 

“Look,” he said eventually, decidedly not looking at you. “What… what happened… Goldie, I… You should know…” 

“It’s fine,” you cut him off quickly. You didn’t think you could bear hearing him say what a mistake you were for the umpteenth time in your life. “Like you said, it doesn’t have to mean anything. Right?” 

He looked at you then - actually looked at you, his brown eyes warm and deep and soft - something almost sad on his face that passed so quickly you weren’t sure it happened at all. 

“Right,” he said after a moment. “You’re right.” 

“I’d rather this didn’t…” you tried to find the words. “I really don’t want this to blow things up with you this time. I don’t want to go no contact or… whatever it is that happens with us when… when we…” 

“It’s alright,” he cut you off, turning to watch the numbers tick up on the gas pump. “We just… pretend it never happened.” 

“Right,” you said. 

“Right,” he said back and you headed inside to find Sarah. 

When you made it back to Austin, you hugged Sarah goodbye, picked up Puck and gathered your stuff from the back of the truck, Joel carrying your bag to your car for you. 

“I know we said pretend it never happened,” he said after he’d put your duffle in the back seat. “But… I think it might be good if we had some space.” 

“Space?” You asked, your heart sinking. 

“Just… just a few days,” he said. “I think… I think I need it. Just a few days, though.” 

“A few days,” you said, hesitant. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I just… I gotta get my shit right.” 

You didn’t really know what to say to that so you just nodded. Joel looked relieved. 

“Thanks,” he said awkwardly. “I… I really don’t want to lose you again, Goldie.” 

“I don’t want to lose you, either,” you said. 

“Good,” he said, turning and going toward his house before turning to face you, walking backwards as he did. “See you soon.” 

You smiled a little. 

“Sure, Joel.” 

“Like… Like two days,” he said. 

You laughed. 

“OK.” 

“Three, tops.” 

“Three tops,” you repeated. 

You went home and tried to distract yourself. You unpacked right away, put a grocery order in on Instacart and sat on the floor, shining a laser pointer on your legs and watching Puck try to pounce on it. Joel needed space. What the fuck did that mean? Why would he need space if it didn’t matter? 

It did matter to you. That’s why space was probably a good idea for you. You didn’t want it but it was a good idea. You clearly couldn’t be trusted within a few feet of Joel without losing your fucking mind so space was smart. But why did Joel need it? 

He wasn’t into you, at least not in the way you were into him. He’d made that plenty clear over the years. Every time something had happened, it was a mistake. You were a mistake. But… it kept happening. Did he want to fuck you against his better judgement? He’d always been a physical guy, with you and anyone else he cared about. He’d jumped from girl to girl in high school and, judging from the fact that Sarah existed but her mom was long gone, you figured he’d done the same after you’d gone away until responsibility came knocking. 

Maybe everything between the two of you had just been a carry over from that. You knew he loved you as a friend and you were happy with that, you really were. Maybe it was just his affection for you and the fact that he wasn’t getting laid anywhere else that made him keep doing things he regretted with you and you were so, so tired of being something he regretted. 

“Hey,” you said, scooping your cat up so his head was level with yours, a look of indignity on his small orange face. “Why am I like this? Why do I keep doing this to myself?” 

He just pressed one pink-padded paw to your nose and you sighed. 

“Well if you don’t have an answer…” you trailed off before kissing his little cat head and setting him back down. 

You gave Joel the space he wanted. You didn’t call, you didn’t text, you didn’t even send him the stupid video you saw on TikTok that made you think of him. 

In the mean time, you tried to write your book even though seemed to delete everything not long after it was down on the page. You saw Stephen. You tried not to text Gale. And, when Joel did text a few days later - just a picture of the Whataburger menu with a question mark - it made you feel better than you had in days. 

Things went back to business as usual after that. You never talked about what happened in the hotel room with Joel. You certainly didn’t mention it to Stephen. You just tried your best to ignore the fact that the best orgasm you’d had in years happened as you fucked yourself against your best friend’s dick when you were half asleep. 

But as much as you tried to pretend like that hadn’t happened, your body knew that it had. Joel had smelled so good and felt so good and Stephen just didn’t compare. No matter how much you wanted him to. 

“We should stop,” you panted, voice drawn tight, hands moving to brace against Stephen’s chest. He groaned and went limp on top of you and you laughed. 

“You’re killin’ me woman,” he said, sitting up from you enough to kiss you softly on the lips before moving to the other end of the couch and awkwardly adjusting his jeans. 

“I know,” you winced as you sat up, too, pulling your knees into your chest. “I’m sorry, it’s just… I’m basically moving in with my sister tomorrow and I’ll be there for who knows how long while she gets settled with the baby and it’s just… it’s not the right time and…” 

“Hey,” he said gently, reaching out and giving your foot a squeeze. “You don’t have to explain it. You said you needed to go slow, I’m OK with that. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t feel ready for.” 

You smiled a little, willing your heart to at least try and flutter at this kind, smart, handsome man who was saying and doing all the right things. 

“Thank you,” you said. “That really does mean a lot.” 

“Hope things go well for your sister,” he said. “And not just because, selfishly, I know I get you back sooner if it does.” 

“Good to know you care about the welfare of infants outside your personal gain,” you said wryly, smirking a little. 

He laughed. 

“I know, it’s what makes me such a good guy,” he said. “When’s Anna due again?” 

“Two weeks from tomorrow,” you sighed. 

“Isn’t you basically moving in tomorrow then a bit early?” He frowned. 

“Well, she might come early,” you said. “It sounds like she’s going to be a big baby. Trust me, I’m not exactly eager to go stay with my sister but…” 

“You might like it more than you think,” he said. You looked at him, skeptical. He laughed. “Family’s weird that way.” 

“One can hope,” you said. 

You walked him out, kissing him goodbye at the door and wishing you felt something more as you did. Before you went to bed, you looked through your bags to make sure you had everything you needed and, eventually, settled in with your phone in hand, Puck curling up next to you. He nuzzled into the crook of your elbow, tucking his tail into his body before taking a  deep breath and letting it out slowly.

“What do you have to sigh about?” You asked. He adjusted, spreading his little toes out before settling again. “A likely story.” 

You scrolled mindlessly through your phone when you got a text from Joel with a photo attached. You opened it. He was in bed, too, with the TV on, the first Curtis and Viper on the screen. 

The TV edit is bullshit. 

You laughed a little. 

You can just put on the copy you own, you know. 

Yeah, but where’s the fun in that? And then I’d have to get up… much rather watch Curtis say “get plucked” 50 times than do that. 

You snorted.

Lazy ass. 

Lazy ass? I’m getting old, respect your elders. 

“Jesus,” you said to yourself, shaking your head. 

You hesitated for a second, debating about what to say next. Eventually, you just bit the bullet. 

I miss you. 

There was a pause before he texted back, long enough that you wondered if you should try to take it back, maybe make a joke of it. And then, he responded. 

I miss you too, Goldie. 

You were trying to figure out how to respond when he called you. 

“It’s pushing midnight,” you said by way of greeting. 

“Way past my old man bedtime,” he agreed. “Channel 62.” 

You sighed but turned on the TV all the same, finding the station just in time to hear Curtis say “get plucked” to some henchman before gunning him down. 

“Oh that’s bad,” you laughed. 

“Told you.”

You watched the movie with Joel that way for a while, laughing and joking and providing commentary on the stupider parts until the love scene came on. You fidgeted in your bed, the campy sequence somehow still arousing because you knew Joel was listening. 

“You’re going to tell me when she has the baby, right?” He said as the couple on screen undressed each other. 

“I can tell you,” you smiled a little. “Assuming Anna doesn’t change her mind about that.” 

“Good,” Joel said. “Haven’t held a baby in a while, I miss it.” 

“Awww big bad Joel Miller secretly loves babies,” you teased, trying not to picture Joel holding a tiny Sarah because you thought your heart might explode if you did. “Who knew?” 

“Hey, babies are cute as hell,” he said, mockingly defensive. “And they smell good. And they make these adorable little noises. Am I supposed to not love babies? What am I, a monster?” 

“I will let you abuse your connection to me to snuggle my niece,” you smiled a little.

“Yeah, you better,” you could hear him smiling, too. 

You switched off your lamp but let the TV on and laid down, Puck looking at you indignantly before adjusting so he was curled against your chest. 

“You know if Anna or, you know if… if you need help with her,” Joel said, almost hesitantly. “You can always call me. It took a while to know what to do but I like to think I got pretty good at the single parent thing.” 

You smiled a little, feeling overly tired. 

“You’re very good at it.”

“Got the world’s greatest dad mug and everything to prove it,” he said. “I know it seems like a lot right now, Goldie, but it will be OK. Promise it will.” 

Your eyes got heavy during the climax of the movie, laughing sleepily with Joel and nodding off before the credits. It was a few hours later when an unnaturally loud commercial jerked you awake, your phone still sitting next to your head on the pillow. 

You groaned and sat up, turning off the TV. Puck had moved, probably bounding through the house somewhere at some imagined prey, and you got up to use the bathroom, bringing your phone with you. Out of curiosity, you checked the time the call with Joel had ended but frowned. Judging from the length, it seemed like it went on for a while after you’d fallen asleep. You went to text him but, instead, found a series of texts from Anna. 

Hey, are you still up? 

Guess not… FYI, feeling weird. 

There was a break and then another text had come through just half an hour earlier. 

OK these are either those fake contraction things or I’m in labor

“Oh fuck,” you said to yourself, quickly going to wash your hands before calling her but she beat you to it, your phone springing to life on your vanity, the vibration making it jump across the marble. You wiped your hand quickly on your pajamas and answered. 

“Not the fake contractions!” Anna said quickly instead of a hello. “Sorry, I know 4 a.m. isn’t a great time but…” 

“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” you said, walking quickly to your bedroom and taking off your pajama pants as best as you could with one hand. “How far apart are they?” 

“Eight minutes?” She said more like a question. “I think? But they’re strong enough that I can’t talk or walk during…” 

“OK we have a little time,” you said, breathing a little easier as you grabbed a clean pair of underwear and leggings from your drawer. “I’m just throwing my clothes on, my bags are already packed, I’ll be there so soon. Just… unlock your front door and lie down on the couch and I’ll be right there.” 

“I can do that,” she said, sounding a little panicked. “Thank you. For everything, I couldn’t do this on my own, I know I couldn’t and just… thank you.” 

You smiled a little. 

“Of course,” you said. “OK, I’m going to let you go but I’ll see you soon. You’ve got this, Anna. You do.” 

You got dressed as quickly as you could before checking that Puck’s food and water bowl would be at least set for the day and jogging to your car, bags in hand. 

Anna had done as you’d asked, unlocking her door so you didn’t need to fumble with keys in the dark and you found her in the middle of a contraction on her couch when you came in, grimacing and moaning in pain with her hands around the bottom of her stomach as she did. 

“Hey, you’re OK,” you said, running to the couch and kneeling at her side. “Want my hand?” 

She nodded frantically and you held it out. She squeezed it so tight you thought your knuckles might crack. As the contraction lessened, she took a deep breath, her face already shiny with sweat. “Think we can get you sat up and moved to the car?” 

“Yeah,” she said. “But watch out, my water broke when I was unlocking the door, it’s wet over there.” 

You almost laughed at that. 

“That’s alright,” you said, helping her sit up. “It’s tile, think it will live. We’ll get you to the car and I’ll mop when we’re home with you and baby girl. You ever going to tell me her name?” 

“I want to meet her first,” she said. “Think it’s weird for someone else to know her name before she does.” 

“Makes sense,” you nodded, looping her arm around your shoulders and notching yourself into her underarm. “Ready?” 

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. “I’m ready.” 

“Then let’s go have a baby.” 

Her contractions were seven minutes apart when you reached the hospital and they got her back to a labor and delivery room quickly, hooking her up to what seemed like countless machines as you sat there and watched, feeling more helpless than you had since you watched your marriage fall to pieces at your feet. 

You realized, as Anna labored and nurses walked her through it, just how much you’d grown accustomed to being able to take things on for her. When she had an issue with her phone bill couldn’t figure it out? You called and handled it. When she wanted an NA meeting closer to her office? You tracked one down. When she was shopping for everything for the nursery? You looked up the safety ratings and handed over your credit card at Buy Buy Baby. It had always been that way. When her grades tanked, you tutored her. When she had a bully at school, you stepped in. When she wanted a snack while your mom was at work, you made it. If you could do it for Anna, you did. This was different. This, you couldn’t do for her. 

But you did everything you could. You did everything they taught you in lamaze classes and gave her ice chips and got the nurse when she needed help you couldn’t provide. Still, you felt decidedly useless when, more than 12 hours after you got to the hospital, her daughter came into the world with sharp, angry little cries. She was slick and red and wailing, tufts of dark hair on her tiny head, her small limbs flung out from her little body and she was beautiful.

“Congratulations, Mama,” the doctor smiled, putting the baby on Anna’s chest. “It’s a girl.” 

Anna sobbed and smiled as she held her daughter, cradling her close. 

“Hi there little one,” she whispered down to her. “I can’t believe you’re here.” 

The baby cried even louder, the sound sharp and cracking, and Anna laughed wetly. 

“Yeah,” she said. “You tell ‘em, Ellie.” 

“Ellie?” You asked, trying to keep from fully crying but failing miserably. 

“Yeah,” she said, still looking down at the tiny figure in her arms. “Ellie.” 

The three of you got to know each other, Ellie rarely resting anywhere but in either of your arms. A few friends of Anna’s came by to meet her and Joel and Sarah did, too, Joel texting to ask what Anna was craving after spending the day in labor. 

“Fried chicken!” She said. “With everything. And Dr. Pepper. Maybe a milkshake? Oh, and a burger if it’s not too much trouble.” 

The two of them came with bags of food so comically large you couldn’t help but laugh as they brought them in, Sarah trailing balloons along behind her. 

“Someone saw these in the gift shop so we had to stop for them,” Joel said, nodding to the balloons as he set down the heaping piles of food. “Here, baby girl, gimme those…” 

He tied them off on the rail of Anna’s bed while Sarah fawned over the sleeping newborn. 

“She’s so small,” she gaped down at her. “That’s insane.” 

Joel came and stood behind her, putting a large hand on her shoulder. 

“You were that size once, baby girl,” he said, sounding a little choked up. “You were a tiny thing, seemed like you fit in the palm of my hand.” 

“That’s just because you have freakishly large hands,” you said. 

“Shut it,” he gave you a look and you smiled. 

While you and Anna ate, Joel showed carefully showed Sarah how to hold a baby, how to support her tiny head and how babies liked when you moved with them. 

“See?” He said, sitting next to you on the little couch beneath the window as Sarah delicately cradled little Ellie. “You got it.” 

“That’s just because she’s perfect,” she said, staring down at the baby before her eyes went wide with excitement and she looked between her dad and Ellie’s mom. “Can I babysit? I promise, I’ll take such good care of her and…” 

“We can talk about that when both of you are a little older,” Joel laughed. “Glad to know you’re ready to start contributing to the household though. Have to start charging you rent…” 

“Ha ha,” she rolled her eyes before looking back to the baby. 

Joel held her next and you couldn’t help but stare at him as he did. He seemed so impossibly large compared to her, able to hold the tiny bundle that was your niece easily in his large hands, a look of awe and total adoration on his face as he did. But he was so beautiful, too. The gentle way he held her, the way he looked at her, the way he just seemed to be so happy to be caring for something so vulnerable, it made your heart ache with a want you’d long ago tried to set aside.

“He’s such a sucker for babies,” Sarah said, perching on the couch next to you and helping herself to a french fry. “He’s so weird.” 

“Must be because you were a perfect kid from birth,” you teased and Sarah smiled, smug, as Joel scoffed. 

“Please, if anything it’s in spite of her,” he said, still staring down at Ellie. “She had colic, seemed to love to pee right as I was changin’ her…” 

“Hey!” Sarah said. 

“But you were still the most amazing thing I’d ever seen,” he said, looking at his daughter before looking back to Ellie. “This one might be a close second, though. Good job, Mama.” 

“Thank you,” Anna said proudly, sitting up a little straighter. “Actually, would you mind giving her to me? I’m going to try and nurse…” 

“Alright, I’ll hand her over and I won’t make you fight me for her but only because you just gave birth,” he said. “Next time though…” 

Anna laughed good naturedly as Joel gently laid the baby in her arms. 

“Alright, kiddo,” he said. “Let’s get out of their hair, give them some time to relax.” 

He and Sarah gathered up the trash from dinner and you walked them to the elevator, Sarah pressing her face against the nursery window to look at the babies as you went. 

“And how are you doing?” He asked as he waited for the elevator. 

“Me?” You asked, brows raised. “I’m fine, I didn’t just push a human being out of my body.” 

Joel laughed a little.

“I know but still. It’s a lot. You OK?” 

You thought for a moment about how powerless you’d felt as Anna brought Ellie into the world, how you wished your mother had been here because she was better equipped than you’d ever be, how you didn’t know how to help raise her without finding some way to ruin her. 

“I’m alright,” you said instead of saying any of that. “I’ll get them home and settled and then we’ll just… see how it goes, I guess?” 

“That’s all you can do,” he said, watching you with an almost soft look in his eyes. “Meant what I said before. Don’t matter what time it is, don’t matter what you need, we’ll figure it out. Did it before, I can do it again. And so can you.” 

“Thank you,” you said, letting yourself almost fall into him. He hesitated for a moment but wrapped himself around you, his arms almost swallowing you. 

“You’ve got this, Goldie girl,” he said quietly, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Know you do.” 

He had to practically drag Sarah away from looking at all the babies and as you watched the elevator doors close, you wondered what you’d ever done without him. 

Anna and Ellie were released the next day and you drove them to Anna’s house at a snail’s pace, trying to press the break as gently as possible when approaching a light so you wouldn’t jostle the precious cargo in the back seat. 

At first, things went well. Or as well as it could when there were two people with basically no experience with children trying to care for an infant. Ellie didn’t need much, after all. She mostly slept, ate and pooped. 

And cried. She definitely, definitely cried. 

By day three, you were starting to get worried about the lack of sleep for both you and for Anna. You knew how exhausted you felt, how delayed your movements seemed as you tried to go through your routine on just two or three hours of sleep for the third day in a row. Anna, you knew, had to have it worse. She’d just given birth, after all, and was still recovering. On top of that, she was nursing Ellie. 

Or she was trying to, at least. 

After you’d left the hospital, Ellie had been reluctant to latch. She’d been doing an OK job of it before but now she seemed to do nothing but reject her mother’s breast or pull away quickly while wailing, her small face scrunching and getting red as she screamed. 

“I know, I know, I know,” Anna said in the afternoon on the fourth day, bouncing Ellie on her shoulder and sounding on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry, I’m trying! I know you’re hungry, I know!” 

“Maybe we can do formula?” You said, anxiously picking at a ragged cuticle as you watched your sister pace. “It’s better if she eats at all…” 

“I should be able to fucking do this!” Anna snapped. “I’m her goddamn mother, I should be able to feed her!” 

“You can,” you said, trying to soothe her. “Just… do the formula, I’ll make up a bottle, at least until we can get in to see the lactation specialist. That’s what it’s for. It’s OK, then you’re feeding her…”

“No, you’re feeding her,” she spat. “You bought the formula! You bought the formula and her crib and her goddamn onesie! Because I fucking failed at that, too!” 

“You didn’t fail at anything!” You said. Anna had stopped bouncing Ellie and her cries got louder. “I know it’s hard right now but it’s going to get better, it is.” 

“I need a break,” she stalked over to you, passing the baby off and all but storming out of the room. You bounced Ellie, who kept wailing, and you resisted the urge to cry yourself before going to make her a bottle. 

It was that afternoon, one of the few hours a day that Ellie wasn’t crying and was instead sleeping - but not content to do it anywhere but on your chest - that you checked your phone. You had some general messages from Joel, check ins and funny pictures and offers to bring by dinner, and an update from Alyssa with information about the classes she was covering for you. There was also a text from Gale, one that sounded almost ominous. 

I think I’ll always regret how things played out with you. 

You frowned and considered texting back. You’d sent him basically nothing in months, only responding when he had a question about something related to the divorce - even though you knew that should really be going through your attorneys, but it was so hard to resist talking to him when you had the excuse. This text, however, seemed different. 

You opened Facebook, hoping to go to his page and find some kind of hint but you didn’t even need to go that far. Sitting at the top of your newsfeed was a picture he’d been tagged in just a few hours ago, his arm around your younger, prettier replacement except, in this picture, her stomach was round, a blue dress tight over the swell near her hips as he looked at her, a tranquil smile on his face. 

“Our soon to be party of three!” She had written on the post. “Baby boy Newton, coming this July!” 

You just stared at your phone, heart racing as your stomach felt hollowed out. Gale was having a baby. Something you’d always wanted but he said was a bad idea, had really only been a bad idea because it was with you. You’d always secretly hoped that it was just an excuse, that he didn’t really want children but that wasn’t it. It was you. You were the problem. 

Ellie stirred from her place against your chest, starting to squirm and you could feel her start getting herself worked up. 

“It’s OK baby girl,” you said, your voice thick and wet. “Let’s see how you’re doing, see if you need a diaper and if we can let your mom sleep a little while longer, OK?” 

As you tried to calm her down, you couldn’t help but remember what Gale had told you. How you weren’t nurturing, how you couldn’t be selfless enough, how you’d ruin a child. How could you pretend like he was wrong? As you clutched tight to your screaming, squirming niece and tried to get her to settle or eat, how could you say that you would do anything but fail her? 

“Are you OK?” Anna asked a little while later when she emerged, groggy, from her room to find you with red eyes and a tear-streaked face and her daughter in your arms. 

“Fine,” you said, bouncing Ellie. “I’m fine.” 

You couldn’t tell her what Gale had said - Gale had known - about you. Not right now, not when Anna was already stressed and worried enough. You’d just have to deal with it and with the crying baby who was in your care.

And Ellie basically never stopped crying. You’d get a few hours of blessed quiet in a day but it seemed like, if she was conscious, she was screaming. You were coming up on the end of the first two weeks of her life with little understanding as to why she wasn’t able to settle and you needed to get back to work for a few days to finish out the semester. 

“You’re seriously going to leave me here with her?” Anna asked, her eyes wide. 

“Just for a week,” you said. “I have to do exam review, final project presentations and office hours before exam week. I have to, Anna, I’m sorry. I can see if I can find a nanny for a few days…” 

“No,” she shook her head. “Don’t. I can do this. I need to be able to do this.” 

“If you start feeling overwhelmed,” you frowned but she cut you off. 

“She’s my daughter,” she said. “I can take care of my own damn daughter.” 

Anna insisted you go home for the work week, wanting to try things on her own since you were going to be gone all day, anyway. You brought your bags so you could do laundry and pack a fresh round of clothes and you found yourself reveling in the silence of your home when you walked into it, closing your eyes and soaking it in. 

Joel had picked up Puck while you were at Anna’s and he said he was down to keep him for a while but, after a few hours, it was strange, rattling around your house without another soul in it. No crying baby, no frustrated sister, no playful cat. Just you and your exhaustion as you collapsed into bed. 

You checked in on Anna in the afternoons after work and, on Wednesday, went to Joel’s for dinner, Sarah begging you to sneak her more Sprite when Joel got up to use the bathroom halfway through. 

“Don’t tell your dad,” you said, filling up her cup from the two liter in the fridge. 

“Your secret is safe with me,” she smiled before chugging the first half of the soda before Joel made it back to the table. 

You sat on the couch with Joel after dinner, Puck purring furiously on your lap after giving you the silent treatment for the first hour you were there. 

“If my kid can’t sleep tonight, that’s on you,” he said as he settled in. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Because you’re the one who let her have more sugar,” he said as Swiftie jumped on his lap and he started absently petting her. You gaped at him. “Don’t look so shocked. I’ve learned to watch the levels in the Coke bottles around this house with that kid.” 

“She could be doing actual coke, you know,” you said. 

“At 11?” 

You nodded. 

“You’ve got it easy,” you said. 

He laughed. 

“Suppose I do,” he said. “How’s it going with Ellie?” 

“She’s still crying like crazy,” you sighed. “It’s constant…”

“I told you I can come help!” He said, incredulous. 

“I know!” You replied. “But Anna doesn’t WANT help, she’s insisting she can do it. I’m worried about her, I don’t know how clearly she’s thinking right now…” 

“Given how sleep deprived she is?” Joel raised his brows. “Probably not very.” 

“I’m this close to just having you come over anyway, whether she likes it or not,” you said. “I don’t want her completely losing herself to this.” 

“Bring the kid here for a bit and give her a break,” Joel said. “I can watch ‘er, or I can come there…” 

“I appreciate it,” you sighed. “I’ll bring that up to her tomorrow. We have Ellie’s next check up in the afternoon, we’ll see how she’s doing. Maybe the doctor will have a good suggestion, who knows.” 

“Hope so,” Joel said. “It’ll be OK. Promise you, it will.” 

You almost told Joel about Gale then. About him having a baby with another woman because one of the only people who had ever been able to see you - really, truly see you - saw how bad you would be at this. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. 

Despite Joel’s promise, it didn’t feel like it was going to be OK. Especially not at Ellie’s check up the next afternoon. She had lost a few ounces, moving down the track for weight percentile, and Anna looked like she was about to cry. 

“She won’t nurse,” she said, her voice thick. “She doesn’t like the formula, what do I do?” 

The doctor gave her some advice that you wrote down, a glassy look on Anna’s face, and drove home, worried that the doctor needed to see Ellie back in less than a week. 

“I’m going to ruin my kid,” Anna said when you got her home, Ellie blessedly asleep in her carseat, the only time you could reliably get her to pass out in the back of the car. “I can’t even feed her right, I’m going to destroy her when all I want to do is do the right thing for her.” 

“It’ll be OK,” you said, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “I can stay over tonight…” 

“No,” she shook her head. “May as well finish the week out, right?” 

“Sure,” you said uncertainly, “If you change your mind, just call me. I’ll be over in like 10 minutes, just call.” 

“Right,” she said, giving you a tight smile before walking you out. “I’m sure it will all work out.” 

You felt off all evening as you reviewed the final, frantic emails from students as the semester wound down. You should never have come home like this, you should have just gone to work and gone to Anna’s after whether she liked it or not. You seriously considered packing up and heading over that second but just chewed on the inside of your cheek instead. It was late. You’d be back the next night. Less than 24 hours. Closer to 18 hours, actually. What could really go wrong in 18 hours? 

You went back to work but only lasted another few minutes when Anna texted you. 

Are you at home? 

You frowned at the phone. 

Yeah, what’s up? Need me to come over? 

She didn’t respond. You drummed your pen against the edge of your desk and tried to hold yourself back from replying. She had an infant at home, after all. She wasn’t staring at her phone. 

But after five minutes, you texted again. 

Is everything OK? Is Ellie OK? Are you OK? 

You stared at the screen, willing her to respond. Another few minutes passed when you saw the bubble pop up, saying she was typing. 

Check your front porch. 

You frowned, picking up your phone and going to respond when another message appeared. 

I’m so sorry. 

“Anna?” You said, even though she wasn’t there to hear you. Your heart raced as you frantically called her. It rang once and then went to voicemail. “Fuck!” 

You sprinted for your front door, grabbing your keys from the bowl in your entryway and ripping the door open and you stopped in your tracks. 

Sitting there, on your front stoop and in her carseat and next to a diaper bag, was Ellie. 

“Hey sweetheart,” you said softly, picking up the carrier and folding the handle back, carrying her gently inside and setting the carseat on the kitchen table. “Just going to make sure you’re all OK…” 

You pulled back the blanket that had been tucked around her. She was all strapped into the carrier, her little legs and arms pulled in tight to her torso. You almost cried in relief when you saw her tiny chest rising and falling. 

“So where’s your mama baby girl?” You asked, watching her as you pulled up Anna’s number and dialed again. This time it rang out. You weren’t sure if that was better or worse. 

You tried to keep calm as you texted her. 

If you don’t answer I’m calling 911.

You gave her a few seconds to see the message before you called her and she picked up on the first ring this time. 

“I told you, I’m sorry,” she said, her voice wet. 

“Sorry for what?” You asked. “Anna, just… just come here, we can talk about this…” 

“Talk about what?” She cut you off. “About the fact that I can’t do anything right by my own kid? I can’t even fucking feed her right, you heard the doctor today…” 

“We can figure it out,” you said quickly. “Doing… whatever it is you’re doing is not the answer. Just come here, we’ll take care of it together, we always do and…” 

“No, no there is no we,” she said. “You always fix it, you always handle it, not me. I’m just ruining her, I’m bad for her, I’m not capable of this. She should be yours not mine, she’s… she deserves better than me and…” 

“No,” you said, trying not to panic. “No, you’re her mother, what she needs is you! Anna, don’t do this, don’t…” 

“It’s not forever,” she said. “I’m just… I’m going away for a little while. I need to be better for her. I’ll come back when I can. Take care of her for me, OK?” 

“Anna, no, Anna don’t-“ 

You didn’t get a chance to finish. She hung up and you frantically tried to call her back but it just went straight to voicemail. 

“Fuck,” you teared up, looking down at your infant niece in her carrier. She was so small, she needed so much, so much you weren’t capable of giving her. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been this afraid of anything, all the hope and potential carried in Ellie’s tiny body now resting on your shoulders. What were you supposed to do with all of that? When all you were capable of was failing?

You were about to do the only thing he could think to do - call Joel - when Ellie made one of her small noises, one that came just before she started crying and, sure enough, half a second later, she was wailing, her little legs kicking out as she did. 

“Hey now,” you said, desperate to soothe her. “You’re OK baby girl. I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you.” 

Anna had, at least, left the base to the carseat and a container of formula with the diaper bag on your porch. That, plus the things you’d stocked your house with so you could take Ellie for a few hours or even a day if Anna needed, made it so you could look after her without needing to make a store run for a day or two. You tried to focus on looking after her as best you could even though you had never felt so lost before in your life.

You moved all your office hours for Friday to virtual and did your best to take them with Ellie there, but it was hard. She was inconsolable all day. Every now and then, she would settle against you but then she seemed to realize that you were wrong. You didn’t feel like her mother or smell like her mother and you weren’t who was supposed to be taking care of her. It was like she could sense the thing about yourself that scared you most.

Things got worse as the day wore on. You’d been up with her all night and you’d had to take advantage of her brief periods of sleep to work that day and it seemed like she was getting more and more upset as the night wore on. She shoved her bottle away, her tiny face scrunched tight as she screamed. 

“Come on,” you said, crying right alongside her. “You… you have to eat something, I know I’m not your mom but you can’t just… you have to eat, please just eat something I promise you’ll feel better if you do.” 

She didn’t listen. She just cried in your arms and all you could think about was what Gale had told you. He’d been right about so many things, of course he was right about this, too. 

“Maybe you’re just too worked up,” you said, carrying her to her car seat and setting her gently inside it. “Just… going to try to calm you down, maybe then it’ll be OK.” 

You didn’t know if that would work but you were desperate. You carried her to the car and triple checked that she was secure before just driving. She liked the car, she always quieted down in the car. This had to help. It had to. 

Something had to. 

But it didn’t. You weren’t sure just how long you’d been driving aimlessly, Ellie wailing in the back seat, but you couldn’t keep doing this. Not to her. 

You weren’t sure how but you found yourself outside Joel’s house. It was dark outside, the glow of light from inside the houses on his street warm and welcoming and you wished, desperately, that you belonged with that light. That you could be somewhere soft and nurturing and where Ellie would be cared for the way she deserved, not the way you managed to ruin everything you touched. 

You gave up on stopping your own tears. Instead, you got out of the car and unhooked Ellie’s carseat from the base, looping your arm through the handle and carrying it to Joel’s front door. You knocked, even though you were sure he could hear the baby crying, and it was only a few seconds before he opened it. 

“Goldie?” He asked, looking you up and down, his eyes soft and wide. “What’s going on? What…” 

“Please, Joel,” you said, holding the carrier tightly against yourself. “I need your help.” 

Next Chapter

A/N: Poor Goldie, Ellie and Anna! Stuff is ROUGH for them right now but don't worry, Joel is now on the scene.

We'll just have to see what a lot of stress and desperation from Goldie while Joel is being hot and paternal makes happen 👀

OK LOVE YOU BYEEEEEE!

Also thank you for reading because you're the best. Truly.

OK now love you bye ❤️

[lilyrizzy]

max & daniel's relationship, told through 13 years of max's google searches. thank you to @catofthecanals289 and @lajnias for reading through this for me!!! also on ao3

2010-2015

IP: 84.195.208.79 Location: Maaseik, Belgium. 4th-5th November 2010

23:32 - how do i know if i’m gay?

  23:34 - how do i know if i’m gay without kissing a boy?

  23:42 - boys kissing video

  00:21 - how to delete your internet history

IP: 109.237.220.159 Location: Zandvoort, Netherlands. 14th August 2011

22:34 - daniel riccardo

  22:35 - daniel ricciardo

  22:37 - daniel ricciardo formula renault highlights

  22:52 - daniel ricciardo hrt highlights

  23:04 - daniel ricciardo facebook

  23:08 - is it weird to add someone on facebook the same day you meet them?

  23:11 - daniel ricciardo twitter

IP: 109.237.220.159 Location: Zandvoort, Netherlands. 15th August 2011

08:21 - daniel ricciardo twitter

  13:56 - daniel ricciardo twitter

  16:03 - daniel ricciardo twitter

  22:34 - daniel ricciardo twitter

  22:36 - daniel ricciardo hrt highlights

IP: 84.195.208.79 Location: Maaseik, Belgium. 17th August 2011

22:14 - daniel ricciardo twitter

IP: 84.195.208.79 Location: Maaseik, Belgium. 20th August 2011

23:01 - daniel ricciardo twitter

IP: 84.195.208.79 Location: Maaseik, Belgium. 14th December 2011

11:18 - daniel ricciardo toro rosso promotion

IP: 89.241.48.118 Location: Lincolnshire, United Kingdom. 2nd September 2013

09:15 - daniel ricciardo red bull promotion

IP: 217.12.181.35 Location: Adria, Italy. 11th September 2014

22:23 - daniel ricciardo wishing max verstappen luck super license video

  22:31 - daniel ricciardo girlfriend

IP: 217.164.96.105 Location: Abu Dhabi United Arab Emirates. 23rd November 2014

20:12 - cool ways to say congratulations

IP: 84.192.119.8 Location: Hasselt, Belgium. 8th February 2015

19:37 - how to watch top gear in belgium

IP: 162.89.0.47 Location: Austin, TX, United States of America. 23rd October 2015

23:51 - daniel ricciardo gay

  23:54 - daniel ricciardo bi

2016

IP: 217.13.124.105  Location: Barcelona, Spain. 15th May 2016

21:23 - max verstappen spain gp replay

  21:27 - max verstappen spain gp youngest ever

  21:41 - how to become friends with your teammate

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 25th May 2016

16:25 - how to invite someone over if they dont like to play video games

IP Location: 173.176.160.149 Montreal, Canada. 12th June 2016

21:52 - what does jailbait mean

  21:56 - what does it mean if your friend calls you jailbait when he’s drunk

IP: 218.208.10.72 Location: Sepang, Malaysia. 2nd October 2016

19:41 - is it normal to be turned on drinking someones sweat

  19:52 - how to hide a boner in a race suit

  23:11 - gay porn curly hair sweaty

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 3rd December 2016

18:11 - time difference monaco and perth

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco 7th February 2017

19:53 - cool new movies

  20:05 - best fancy beer

  20:18 - best restaurant delivery monaco

IP: 94.79.192.0 Location: Bahrain 13th April 2017

00:13 -  if my friend is jerking off in the bed next to me do I pretend to be asleep or join in?

  01:22 - how to jerk off quietly

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 1st June 2017

00:34 - what does ecstasy do to you

  00:37 - ecstasy f1 drugs test

  01:54 - are the lights really talking to me or am i just really high

  11:15 - is my friend really in love with me or was he just really high

IP: 193.224.221.253 Location: Budapest, Hungary. 30th July 2017:

15:16 - how to prove you are not a sore loser

  15:42 - how to make someone laugh when they are pissed off at you

  16:02 - how to say sorry

IP: 162.89.0.47 Location: Austin, TX, United States of America. 21st October 2017

18:54 - is it normal to be turned on when someone lasso’s you?

  23:16 - cowboy porn gay

IP: 116.229.74.4 Location: Shanghai, China. 16th April 2018

00:32 - how to tell when someone likes you

  00:41 - how to ask someone on a date if you’re already friends

  00:54 - if someone says no to a date can you go back to being friends

IP 134.19.217.249 Location: Baku, Azerbaijan. 29th April 2018:

17:23 - how to make someone see something is not your fault

  17:52 - moving under breaking rules formula one

  17:58 - verstappen ricciardo crash baku video

  18:03 - how to say sorry when it’s their fault as well

  18:31 - how to say sorry without saying sorry

IP 86.167.142.227 Location: Milton Keynes, United Kingdom. 30th April 2018:

14:11 - how to get someone to stop being angry at you

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 3rd August 2018

09:03 - Google Alert for: “Daniel Ricciardo”

  10:12 - daniel ricciardo renault

  10:16 - daniel ricciardo renault prank

  10:19 - do you have time to change your mind after signing a contract?

  10:27 - how to tell someone they are making a mistake

IP: 217.164.96.105 Location: Abu Dhabi United Arab Emirates, 26th November 2018

00:37 - how to ask someone not to leave

  00:41 - how to make someone stay

  01:23 - how to know if u are in love

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 3rd December 2018

11:26 - how to stay friends when you don’t work together anymore

  16:41 - how to tell when someone is ignoring your calls

  23:56 - kittens for sale

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 25th December 2018

15:31 - if someone texts you a red heart drunk at christmas does it mean they like you?

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 20th February 2019

13:54 - cool things to do with a friend in monaco

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 6th April 2019

18:21 - if he keeps coming over uninvited to watch movies does that mean he likes you?

IP 46.17.160.235 Location: Silverstone, United Kingdom. 11th July 2019

13:12 - if he asks you to choose his next tattoo does that mean he likes you?

IP 37.77.109.233 Location Sochi, Russia. 30th September 2019

10:19 - if he texts you at 1 am saying he misses you does it mean he likes you?

IP 132.248.80.172 Location Mexico City, Mexico. 28th October 2019

02:29 - if yku almost kiss whe. drunk does that mean he likes you?

  10:32 - how to ask someone on a date

  10:45 - what to wear on a date

  20:21 - how to give a really good blow job

  20:32 - where to buy lube austin texas

IP 162.89.0.47  Location Austin, TX, United States of America. 1st November 2019

20:17 - what to do if they don’t realise it’s a date

  20:23 - how to make it obvious to the idiot you love that it is a date

  20:25 - how to make the first move

  23:13 - how to know who should top or bottom

  23:14 - do I have to bottom because he’s older?

  23:16 - how to bring up who should bottom in a chill way

2nd November 2019

08:12 - is it normal for someone to leave in the middle of the night after sex?

  08:14 - why would someone leave in the middle of the night after sex?

  08:21 - how to tell someone they are an asshole.

  14:21 - how to make someone realise you want to be their boyfriend

3rd  November 2019

19:03 - how to ask someone to be your boyfriend?

  23:41 - how soon after you start dating can you say i love you?

IP: 34.95.186.29 Location: São Paulo, Brazil. 14th November 2019:

23:12 - is it normal for your boyfriend to ask to lick your asshole?

IP: 217.164.96.105 Location: Abu Dhabi United Arab Emirates, 1st December 2019

10:13 - how soon after you start dating can you introduce them to your family?

  21:21 - how to get good at rimming

IP: 84.192.119.8 Location: Hasselt, Belgium. 21st December 2019:

12:18 - how soon after you start dating can you spend christmas together?

  22:42 - how to make a secret photo album on your phone

24th December 2019

22:24 - i accidentally said I love you during phone sex help

31st December 2019

23:51 - can you be too happy?

2020

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 18th March 2020

15:17 - how to ask your boyfriend to quarantine with you

  18:45 - can you go to australia now if you aren’t australian covid

  18:47 - what would happen if you turned up at the austrlian border covid

20th March 2020

16:21 - how to tell your boyfriend you miss him without making him sad

22nd March 2020

13:45 - how to redeem fifa points on playstation

  23:21 - flower delivery australia

1st April 2020

12:05 - is it normal to jerk of 7 times a day?

  21:12 - mould your own dildo kit

5th April 2020

14:11 - when is lockdown going to end?

  14:16 - when are australia going to open their borders?

  18:45 - new playstation games that aren’t shit

18th April 2020

01:22 - how to make sure hackers arent spying on you when you have facetime sex

20th April 2020

12:10 - why is everyone making banana bread?

IP 46.17.160.235 Location: Silverstone, United Kingdom. 5th August 2020

23:43 - how to ask your boyfriend to move in with you

  23:51 - if your boyfriend hasn’t gone home in 5 weeks does he already live with you or is it because of covid?

  23:57 - how to ask your boyfriend to move in with you officially

IP: 46.179.240.255 Location: Spa, Belgium. 28th August 2020.

10:35 - curly hair routine

  10:36 - easy curly hair routine video

  10:51 - best shampoo for curly hair

  10:53 - why does curly hair need so many products?

IP: 82.113.214.148 Location: Monza, Italy. 9th September 2020

09:21 - how many calories do you burn during sex average

  09:26 - can sex replace a work out?

IP: 87.183.156.211 Location: Nürburg, Germany. 11th-12th October 2020.

18:09 - underground party near the bürburgring covid

  01:52 - can you get an sti from giving head in a dirty bathroom

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 18th March 2020

19:21 - why does my boyfriend never tidy up his shoes?

  19:56 - how to make up after a stupid argument

  23:12 - gay but find boyfriend in lacy underwear hot help?

IP: 84.195.208.79 Location: Maaseik, Belgium. 21st December 2020

21:20 - how to tell your dad you’re gay

2021

IP: 94.79.192.0 Location: Bahrain. 27th March 2021

22:32 - what to do if you are jealous of your boyfriend’s work colleague

  22:33 - what to do if you are jealous of your boyfriends work colleague that is also you friend?

  22:39 - romantic weekends away

  22:45 - how to milk a prostate

  22:57 - how to give a hickey sneakily

  23:10 - diamond ‘33’ pendant

IP: 37.143.177.64 Location: Styria, Austria. 28th June 2021

01:31 - how to tell if your boyfriend is jealous of your career

  01:43 - how to stop your boyfriend resenting you about your career

  01:51 - how to keep work and your relationship separate

IP: 46.17.160.235 Location: Silverstone, United Kingdom. 18th July 2021

18:11 - verstappen hamilton crash silverstone who’s fault?

  19:13 - signs of concussion

  22:09 - can coming make a concussion worse?

  22:16 - is it safe to get a blowjob when you have a concussion

IP: 109.237.223.112 Location: Zandvoort, Netherlands. 5th September 2021

22:51 - daniel ricciardo cape pictures

  22:58 - daniel ricciardo max verstappen zandvort 2021

  23:13 - how to clean come out of iphone charging port

  23:18 - am i possessive in a sexy way or a weird way?

IP: 82.113.214.148 Location: Monza, Italy. 12th September 2021

17:01 - hamilton verstappen crash who’s fault?

  17:05 - daniel ricciardo monza 2021 podium

  17:07 - daniel ricciardo monza shoey

  17:11 - gift for boyfriend

  17:13 - gift for boyfriend to celebrate

  17:16 - mens gold chain

  17:17 - gold lace underwear

  17:18 - dale earnhardt car for sale

  17:21 - vineyard napa valley for sale

  17:27 - ranch in austin for sale

  17:41 - private island near australia for sale

  17:56 - how to increase credit card limit

IP: 162.89.0.47 Location: Austin, Tx, United States of America. 21st October 2021

11:02 - how to tell my boyfriend in a nice way that his beard looks terrible

  23:41 - my boyfriend asked to keep his cowboy hat on during sex is this normal

  23:52 - mens cowboy boots size 9

IP: 34.95.186.29 Location: São Paulo, Brazil. 14th November 2021

17:23 - 2021 f1 drivers standings

  17:26 - verstappen penalty decision

  17:31 - 2021 f1 drivers standings

  20:35 - how to cheer your boyfriend up when he is sad about work

  20:41 - can you sue a media company for saying mean things?

  20:47 - how to sue sky sports

23:21 - 2021 f1 drivers standings

IP: 217.164.96.105 Location: Abu Dhabi United Arab Emirates. 12th-13th December 2021

21:10 - we are the champions lyrics

21:31 - abu dhabi gp 2021 replay

22:29 - super max (extended version)

23:12 - abu dhabi gp 2021 replay

01:34 - how to propose to your boyfriend

01:37 - mens engagement rings

01:39 - why are mens engagement rings so ugly?

01:41 - custom mens engagement rings perth

IP: 203.19.158.31 Location: Perth, Australia. 16th December 2021

12:12 - how to survive a two week hotel quarantine with your boyfriend

29th December 2021

14:12 - most romantic beaches in perth

14:16 - most romantic restaurants in perth

14:28 - can i propose at home in bed or is that not romantic enough

14:35 - perth sunset time

1st January 2022

11:02 - how to plan a wedding

2022

IP: 217.13.124.105 Location: Barcelona, Spain. 11th March 2022

09:33 - home remedies for covid

09:37- how to make covid go away quicker

09:41 - what happens if you get long covid?

09:43 - is 32 considered vulnerable covid

09:54 - how bad is covid at the moment?

09:59 - flower delivery barcelona

11:34 - can you catch covid from swallowing come?

IP: 50.73.157.178 Location: Miami, FL, USA. 6th May 2022

20:12 - my boyfriend isn’t eating and I’m worried

20:19 - how to get my boyfriend to eat

20:26 - cheesecake recipe

20:27 - idiot proof cheesecake recipe

20:28 - cheesecake delivery miami

21:23 - how to tell my boyfriend one of their friends is a bad influence in a nice way

IP: 217.13.124.105 Location: Barcelona, Spain. 22nd May 2022

19:01 - fastest flights from perth to monaco first class

19:23 - is it better to book your in-laws a hotel or invite them to stay with you

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 28th May 2022

16:41 - sergio perez cheater

16:45 - how to get a colleague fired

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 2nd June 2022

00:37 - is it normal that my boyfriend doesnt want to have sex anymore?

00:59 - max verstappen daniel ricciardo teammate highlights video

IP: 46.17.160.235 Location: Silverstone, United Kingdom. 29th June 2022

19:01 - birthday cake delivery silverstone

IP: 91.118.57.178 Location: Spielberg, Austria. 10th July 2022

22:41 - is my boyfriend depressed?

22:47 - funny jokes to tell australian people

23:23 - what to do when you feel like you can’t help someone

23:51 - how to help someone feel loved

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 13th July 2022

23:12 - therapist monaco

IP: 193.224.221.253 Location: Budapest, Hungary. 31st July 2022

23:31 - how to hire a hitman

23:35 - can you go to prison for googling how to hire a hitman?

IP: 94.198.47.80 Location, Ibiza, Spain. 8th August 2022

14:12 - is it nepotism to get your boyfriend a job if nobody knows you’re dating?

14:16 - is nepotism really that bad?

14:26 - how to make an idea seem like your boss’s idea

IP: 109.237.220.159 Location: Zandvoort, Netherlands 5th September 2022

00:42 - my boyfriend just got fired and now he wants me to pretend i’m getting him pregnant

IP: 219.75.27.16 Location Singapore. 2nd October 2022

22:51 - zak brown memes

IP: 14.132.233.40 Location: Suzuka, Japan 8th October 2022

23:11 - I can’t stop thinking about getting my boyfriend pregnant help

IP: 162.89.0.47 Location: Austin, Tx, United States of America. 20th October 2022

14:22 - best way to tell someone you are proud of them

IP: 132.248.80.172 Location: Mexico City, Mexico. 27th October 2022

17:46 - buffalo bills game tickets

17:48 - buffalo bills game tickets hospitality

IP: 34.95.186.29 Location: São Paulo, Brazil 13th November 2022

22:51 - vintage red bull beanie

IP: 217.164.96.105 Location: Abu Dhabi United Arab Emirates. 19th November 2022

21:31 - how to prove to someone that you’re going to stay no matter what

21:54 - registry office perth

& 2023

“Max,” Daniel calls to him from the bedroom, just as he is rinsing the shampoo from his hair. Not wanting shampoo in his eyes or his mouth, Max keeps them all firmly shut.

“Baby?” Daniel says again, louder.

The warm water is a gentle relief running over his sweat sticky skin, nowhere near the scalding temperatures Daniel sets their shower to at home. It’s why Max had insisted that they clean off separately, the Austin heat far too much for Max to endure boiling water too, despite Daniel’s pouting and dramatic insistence that Max couldn’t just ‘fuck and flee.”

“Yes,” he calls when all the suds are safely sliding past his shoulders, but he didn’t need to shout. When he opens his eyes he sees Daniel leaning against the doorway with a smirk, still wearing his unbuttoned satin shirt, cowboy hat and nothing else. His wedding ring sits heavy on his finger, and Max thumbs over the matching one on his own hand.

Max’s come is a shiny presence he can still see smeared between Daniel’s thighs.

The sight of him makes Max’s dick twitch. Daniel notices and his grin only widens.

“Baby,” he says again, too sweet. “Baby, why is your most recent Google search is it weird that my husband saying yeehaw makes me come?”

And just like that, Max suddenly longs for a hot shower, an excuse for why his cheeks start to burn red.

“Why are you snooping through my phone?” He demands, forcing himself not to turn away casually and instead keep rubbing the hotel’s own body wash under his armpits.

“I wasn’t snooping,” Daniel says easily, “I was looking to get us some ribs delivered, my phone died at the track, remember?”

Max makes a noncommittal noise because vaguely he does remember Daniel saying he needed to put it on charge. That was before Max started pawing at him the moment the hotel door shut behind them though, and then it had been forgotten by both of them.

There’s just the noise of the extractor fan whirring for a moment, but Daniel doesn’t move. When Max sneaks a glance at him, he’s still leaning against the door frame looking amused.

“Sooo.” He drawls out the word in the stupid Texas accent that Max wishes he didn’t find so strangely sexy. “Are we going to talk about this, little lady, or-“

“Nope,” Max says firmly, turning off the shower.

Daniel nods. It makes the lights of the bathroom catch on his chain and Max- Max really wants to fuck him again.

“What about the one below it?” He asks, “Daniel Ricciardo Austin 2023 photos?”

“Nope,” Max says again, stepping out of the shower and reaching for his towel. He’s smiling now too, because he knows that beneath Daniel’s teasing that one will have made him happy to see.

“Okay,” Daniel says, then he unlocks Max’s phone. “What about how to ask my husband to-“

“Daniel,” Max interrupts, taking the phone from his hand and putting it into the empty sink. “Do you want to read more of my internet history, or do you want to get back on the bed and play good cowboy, bad cowboy again?”

Daniel grins, takes the cowboy hat from his head and puts it onto Max’s. When his arms wind around Max, the silky fabric of his shirt presses cool against Max’s shower-warm skin, his nipples.

“Well, when you put it like that,” Daniel says, leaning in to put his mouth on the skin just beneath Max’s ear. “Yeehaw, baby.”

Max laughs and pinches Daniel’s ass, at the same time as his dick twitches again. Backing him out of the bathroom, towards the bed, his phone is forgotten in the bathroom.

Google never had all the answers when it came to them, anyway.

[anyab]

Via NasAlSudan

December 17 2023. #KeepEyesOnSudan #SudanActionWeek

Swipe through to build a foundational understanding of the war, its origins, and the key players involved. For actionable ways to support those in Sudan, check the link in our bio. Stay tuned for more posts this week.

Transcript:

National:

On April 15, a war broke out in Sudan's capital city of Khartoum between the Sudanese Armed Forces (SAF), and a paramilitary group known as the Rapid Support Forces (RSF).

Since then, eight months of conflict has led to major destruction of Khartoum's infrastructure, the most developed region of Sudan, with fighting also spreading to the regions of Darfur in the west and Kordofan in the south.

Civilians in conflict zones have been forcibly displaced, under threat of physical and sexual violence, particularly by the RSF, which has looted, destroyed, and settled in people's homes.

Regional:

In the western region of Darfur, a campaign of ethnic cleansing is being carried out by the RSF targeting the Masalit tribe. Allegations of genocide have been levied against the RSF.

Reports have just emerged that fighting has now spread to Wad Madani in Al Gezira state, which houses nearly 500,000 IDPs from Khartoum.

Key figures:

Abdel Fattah al Burhan Head of SAF

Omar El-Bashir Deposed Dictator of Sudan

Mohamed Dagalo (Hemidti) Head of RSF

Transcript:

Sudan: the war in numbers

A humanitarian "catastrophe"

24.7 million in need of critical humanitarian assistance

70-80% of hospitals out of service in conflict areas

19 million children are out of school

20.3 million people acutely food insecure. 4.9 million facing emergency hunger levels

6.7 million displaced [5.4 million IDPS, 1.3 million refugees]

7,000+ cholera cases an increase of +136% over the past month

Transcript:

FAQ - THE SAF

QUESTION 01: What is the SAF?

Stands for the Sudanese Armed Forces

Is the de-facto government of Sudan

Is headed by Lt. General Abdel Fattah al-Burhan

QUESTION 02 What is their capacity?

Estimated to have ~200,000 personnel and tactical advantage of airforce

Currently control the relative northern and eastern regions of Sudan with functioning capital in Port Sudan (East)

QUESTION 03 Do they have backing and support?

On the international stage, primarily backed by Egypt

Limited weapons supply from allies

Internally, the SAF is ultimately considered the lesser of two evils

Transcript:

FAQ - THE RSF

QUESTION 01 What is the RSF?

Stands for the Rapid Support Forces

Paramilitary group originating from the Janjaweed, Arab tribal militias armed by al-Bashir in 2003 to fight against ethnically African rebel groups in Darfur + carried out 2003 genocide

Is headed by General Mohamed Hamdan Dagalo (Hemidti)

QUESTION 02 What is their capacity?

Estimated to have 100,000 to 150,000 troops

Winning the ground fight in Khartoum and control 4/5 states in Darfur

QUESTION 03 Do they have backing and support?

On the international stage, primarily backed by the UAE

Have steady weapons supply chain and diversified financial profile with critical assets in UAE and Russia

Transcript:

THE WAR IN SUDAN: CONTEXTUALIZING APRIL 15

(6/1989 - 4/2019) THE BASHIR REGIME

Sudan was under the rule of military dictator Omar Al-Bashir for 30 years, who came to power through an military coup backed by Islamist factions in June of 1989

His time in power was marked by extreme repression, conflict, and economic decline

(12/2018 CURRENT) THE REVOLUTION

In December of 2018, a popular democratic revolution began that eventually unseated al-Bashir on April 11 through the revolt of security sector

Al-Bashir was ultimately replaced by al-Burhan, with Hemidti as his deputy of a Transitional Military Council

Protestors rejected military rule and continued to hold a sit-in outside the military headquarters until its violent dispersal on June 3 of 2019 by the SAF + RSF

Today, the Sudanese people still hope and advocate for freedom from military rule and the transition to democracy

(8/2019-10/2021) TRANSITIONAL GOVERNMENT

Agreement on transitional government signed between civilian forces and Transitional Military Council on August 17, 2019

Led to formation of joint sovereign council with Abdalla Hamdok as Prime Minister

Transcript:

(10/2021 CURRENT)THE OCT 25, 2021 COUP

Burhan and Hemidti carry out military coup overthrowing civilian counterparts

They draw power from international legitimization despite prolonged mass protests in Sudan

(12/2022) THE FRAMEWORK AGREEMENT

In December of 2022, civilians put out a framework agreement signed onto by SAF and RSF + civil society groups and political parties meant to return to a transitional government

Key part of agreement: question of integration of the RSF into the SAF

Parties were to finalize the agreement and sign on April 1; RSF and SAF ultimately disagreed on integration timeline with RSF wanting 10 years and the SAF wanting 2

(12/2022-4/2023) THE LEAD UP TO APRIL 15

As framework agreement negotiations failed, both parties began mobilizing troops in capital of Khartoum in days leading up to April 15

Residents of Khartoum awoke to the sounds of gunfire on April 15 and by noon, the RSF had seized Meroe airport in the Northern state

Conflict today considered a battle for power between the two generals they are too far in to walk back

Transcript:

FRAMING ALLIANCES

Sudanese Armed Forces (SAF):

Egypt

Israel (Foreign Ministry)

Islamists

Iran

Saudi Arabia

Ukraine (SOF)

Armed Groups

Rebel groups that had taken up arms against the central government in the Bashir Era are forced to ally with the SAF due to the RSF's ethnic cleansing campaign. They include:

Justice and Equality Movement (Gibril Ibrahim)

Sudan Liberation Movement/Army (Minni Minawi)

Gathering of Sudan Liberation Forces (Abdallah Yahya)

Rapid Support Forces (RSF):

Israel (Mossad)

Libya (Khalifa Haftar)

United Arab Emirates

Central African Republic

Russia (Wagner Group)

Chad

Arab Tribal Leaders

Arab tribal leaders across the Western region of Darfur have pledged their allegiance and support to the RSF, with members of the tribes across the Sahel crossing into Sudan to join the RSF's assault as well.

Key tribes include: Beni Halba, Tarjam, Habaniya, Fallata, Misseriya, Taaysha, Rizeigat

Transcript:

IS THERE AN END IN SIGHT?

THE STATE OF NEGOTIATIONS

Effort: JEDDAH TALKS [MAY]

Parties involved: Externally: United States, Saudi Arabia Internally: SAF, RSF

Outcome: Discussed humanitarian ceasefire; signed Jeddah Declaration of Commitment to Protect the Civilians of Sudan - Failed

Effort: INTERGOVERNMENTAL AUTHORITY ON DEVELOPMENT (IGAD) [JULY]

Parties Involved: Externally: Kenya, Ethiopia, Djibouti, South Sudan Internally: RSF

Outcome: Proposed peacekeeping troops to ensure humanitarian corridor - Rejected

Effort: CAIRO TALKS (NEIGHBORING COUNTRIES) [JULY]

Parties Involved: Externally: Egypt, Ethiopia, South Sudan, Chad, Eritrea, CAR, Libya Internally: SAF, RSF

Outcome: Discussed lasting ceasefire, safe humanitarian passage, political dialogue framework - Failed

Effort: JEDDAH TALKS [OCTOBER]

Parties Involved: Externally: United States, Saudi Arabia Internally: SAF, RSF

Outcome: Discussed lasting ceasefire, safe humanitarian passage, political dialogue framework - Failed

Effort: IGAD + AFRICAN UNION (AU) [DECEMBER]

Parties Involved: Externally: IGAD, EU, UAE, Saudi Arabia, South Africa, United States Internally: SAF (Burhan in person), RSF

Outcome: Agreed to a face-to-face meeting in late December and ceasefire; SAF later issued a retraction - Ongoing

Transcript:

The conflict in Sudan calls for the collective support of all to raise awareness about the war and aid the Sudanese people on the ground, especially when we live in nations that have been complicit in the oppression of the Sudanese people. Explore the options below and share with others. For more information, check the link in our bio.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

EDUCATE YOURSELF

Deepen your knowledge about Sudan, empowering yourself with insights into the complexities of the situation.

DONATE

Extend a helping hand to Sudan by generously donating to individuals or grassroots organizations on the ground.

CONTACT YOUR REPS.

Amplify your impact by contacting your representatives, advocating for positive change.