#.drunk candy corn adventures

[voiceoffenrisulfr]

Flufftober 2023 Masterlist

Day 1 - "I've Got You." With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 1. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Clint goes on yet another blind date, at Natasha’s incessant begging. CW: Alcohol use (moderate), unsafe binding practices, implied discrimination. Day 2 - Alternate used - "Oh No, You're a Morning Person!" With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 2. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. The morning after is never quite as comfortable as the night before. Day 3 - Alternate used - 'Hot Chocolate' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 3. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. The boys meet up for their second date, and it’s a little sweeter than they expected. CW: accessibilty concerns, implied possibility of smut. Day 4 - Alternate used - 'Wearing each other's clothes' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 4. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. The boys own the same hoodie in different colours. What could possibly go wrong? Day 5 - 'x+1' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 5. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Four times Clint could excuse Matt's abilities - and one time he couldn't. CW: Implied risk of violence. Day 6 - 'Corn Maze' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 6. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Clint and Matt finally see each other for who they truly are... And Natasha is delighted. CW: Smut, implied threat. Day 7 - 'Porch Swing' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 7. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. The boys finally get a weekend off, and head out of the city. CW: Smut. Day 8 - 'Rainy Day' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 8. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. There’s a reason that Fall isn’t the best time for a romantic getaway in upstate New York. CW: More smut! Day 9 - '... at first sight' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 9. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Clint teaches Matt about his language, and Matt teaches Clint to see. Day 10 - 'Love of my Life' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 10. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Natasha and Clint catch up, and some confessions are made. CW: implication/discussion of smut (non-graphic) Day 11 - 'Sweet Tooth' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 11. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Clint gets a plus one to a Halloween party – or rather, to an excuse to get drunk and eat candy. CW: Implied non-specific prejudice, mild distress. Day 12 - 'Fire & Ice' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 12. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Clint stumbles across a familiar face on a stakeout. Day 13 - 'Wrong (...)' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 13. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. The boys earn a nickname.

Day 14 - "I hate it" - "No, you don't" With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 14. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. An injured Clint is taken care of by an equally-injured Matt. Day 15 - 'Emergency, Confession, Adventure' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 15. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. A familiar face makes a stunning appearance. CW: Injury, blood loss, GSW, implied/actual threat (non-specific) Day 16 - 'Singing One Another to Sleep' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 16. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. The boys wait patiently for news about Nat. CW: implied and direct threat, implied risk of character death. Day 17 - Alternate used - "You've Told Your Parents?" With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 17. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Clint is introduced to Matt's family. CW: Mild, non-specific threat issued. Day 18 - "Did You Plan for This to Happen?" With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 18. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. The boys have an impromptu date. Day 19 - 'Keeping Someone Safe' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 19. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Getting pinned on a stakeout is dangerous. Luckily, Matt has a new skill that will come in handy. Day 20 - 'Pumpkin' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear, Chapter 20. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. The boys give this whole ‘Halloween’ thing a go. CW: Minor, accidental wound. Day 21 - 'Swoon' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear - Chapter Twenty-One. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. The boys go for some feel-good fun... Don't let the blind guy pilot a sled. CW: Accidental injury, guilt. Day 22 - Alternate used - 'Candles, Lanterns, Fairy Lights' On The Tide - Chapter Two. Bucky Barnes x Original Male Character. Winter's true nature is revealed, the Captain finds him a hinderance and an optimistic bastard, but the sailor’s rough exterior is stripped  away a little. CW: Vomiting (seasickness), surgery mentions, historical physical trauma mentions. Day 23 - 'Trinket' Silver & Gold - Chapter Four. Natasha Romanoff (ish) x Original Male Character. Silver and Gold prepare for Christmas, and get lost in the magic of the season. CW: More smut.

Day 24 - '(:Melty Emoji Face:)🫠' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear - Chapter Twenty-Two. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Clint ends up snotty and wheezy after his time face-down in the snow, so Matt takes care of him. CW: Illness (non-vomiting), reference to previous injury.

Day 25 - 'Nook' On The Tide - Chapter Three. Bucky Barnes x Original Male Character. The Captain is a reluctant caretaker, looking after a needy newbie who is under the weather and desperate for affection and comfort. CW: brief discussion of traumatic, historical injury; sickness (non-vomiting). Day 26 - 'Fireplace' Silver & Gold - Chapter Five. Natasha Romanoff (ish) x Original Male Character. Silver and Gold go ice-skating, and a storm blows out their power. Even obstacles can be fun when you face them together. CW: Implied Smut, Self-image issues.

Day 27 - 'Outdoor Event' In the Dark of the Night. James Buchannan 'Bucky' Barnes x Clint Barton. From the world of Multitudes (can mostly be read as a standalone smutfest though). Clint and Buck can’t remember the last time they had some time alone, so decide to go camping for a night and get away from the pressures of parenthood. The usual sexytimes ensue. CW: Basically PWP. Day 28 - 'Soothing Touch' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear - Chapter 23. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Matt is caught in the shower, and Clint decides to punish him. CW: Kinky sex, sexual ‘punishment’.

Day 29 - '"Hey, Wake Up!"' On The Tide - Chapter Four. Bucky Barnes x Original Male Character. Winter gets in an altercation for his ‘laziness’, and his Captain comes to his defence. CW: Implied risk of violence.

Day 30 - 'Self Worth/Self Love' Silver & Gold - Chapter Six. Lia gives Yoshi one hell of a birthday surprise. CW: all the smut, as always. Photography/videography. Emotions and things. The typical fluffiness.

Day 31 - 'Dreams Do Come True' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear - Chapter 24. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. It's the finale!

@flufftober IT'S SO LATE BUT IT'S DONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[maniacwatchestheworld]

Scarecrow Drugs PSA

[From Batman: The Audio Adventures, Season 1 Episode 2 "The Skylight in the Nursery"]

Video transcript

Announcer: The following is a dramatization, but the subject is all too real. We apologize for the coarseness of the language. Nevertheless, it is authentic, we believe, to the teenagers of Gotham City's public schools.

Clean Pete: Say, look alive there, you sorry lot of nincompoops!

Teenager 1: Why, it's our straight arrow schoolmate Clean Pete giving us the business.

Teenager 2: Yeah, hi, Pete.

Teenager 1: What's the news, Clean Pete?

Clean Pete: Why, I've just had a windfall of a small but tidy sum. What do you say we go see a scary creature feature at the Monarch Theatre?

Teenager 1: A creature feature? [scoffs]

Teenager 2: Boo!

Teenager 3: Snoresville!

Teenager 1: Go find a windowsill and dangle.

Teenager 2: You got too many points, you cube.

Teenager 1: We're going to a creature feature in real life with these swell Scarecrow drugs.

Clean Pete: Scarecrow drugs?

Teenager 1: They take you on a spook house ride through your mind, daddy-o!

Teenager 2: Want to try some?

Teenager 1: Like all addicts, we're eager to give away our drugs for free!

Clean Pete: I don't know if I should.

Announcer: Your teenagers know them by many names: October surprise, Jack Pumpkinhead, skeleton dust, trick, treat, candy corn, ghosties, and witchers. They're Scarecrow drugs, designer narcotics which give users intense adrenaline-charged episodes of panic and euphoria. And they're in Gotham's schools and on her playgrounds.

Announcer: Talk to your children about Scarecrow drugs. Tell them it's not neat-o to take a fright trip, and it's not cool to kick a daymare. Tell your teenagers if they feel pressure to take Scarecrow drugs, they should just say "GLARBIMACTAFIN." It's the with it way to say "no way."

Announcer: GLARBIMACTAFIN stands for: "Get lost, all right, buster? I made a choice to abstain from illegal narcotics."

Announcer 2: GLARBIMACTAFIN!

[upbeat piano music]

Singers: ♪ If you missed it, we'll say it again ♪ ♪ That word is GLARBIMACTAFIN ♪

Mayor Hill: Hello, Gotham City. I'm Mayor Hamilton Hill reminding you if you want to keep Scarecrow drugs off the street, that word is GLARBIMACTAFIN.

Mayor Hill: Seriously? What, did a cat walk across a typewriter? What am I reading here? How is anyone gonna remember this? Mother Mavis, how much did we pay for this campaign? How much? You know what? Hey, forget it. We're going with GLARBIMACTAFIN apparently.

Mayor Hill: Hay, Paul, great work. You too, Phil. The amazing Peabody brothers, everyone. No, I'm not being sarcastic. No, no, no, I'm not. No, GLARBIMACTAFIN-- GLARBIMAC--am I say-- GLARBIMACTA-- no, it's great, Paul. It is.

Mayor Hill: You know what it sounds like? Diarrhea medicine. [snorts] Scarecrow drugs. [drink sloshes] [gulps, sighs] Can't kids just get drunk like we did in school? You know, something wrong with good old booze, huh? Why do they have to fry their brains with the chemicals that masked psychopath keeps pumping out?

Mayor Hill: No, I'm not doing another take. Use this one, go ahead.

Announcer 2: This has been a message from the mayor's council for drug abuse.

[realismsx]

the drunk candy corn adventures pt. 2

when: november 1st, 2014. 

time: roughly around 5am? at this point evan has no idea. time has literally just stopped existing. 

where: the rouge room strip club, in west hollywood. far far away from where evan is supposed to be. 

mentions: avia knox.

TWs: sex ( slightly NSFW ), alcohol, and drugs.

it had had felt like years since a very plastered evan had clambered into the back of the pick-up truck. some of the alcohol daze had definitely worn off, that was for sure, as the headache that had previously only pinpricked at his temples was now pounding against them like someone had taken a hammer to his skull. he was still moderately drunk though, so that kept any of the other terrible hangover symptoms at bay for now. 

he’d finally let his body relax on the drive, head slumping back against the tinted window of the suv, eyes drifting closed as the heavy wind of whatever highway they were rushing across whipped at his skin. painted nails pinched at him occasionally through the back window, evan’s eyes flicking open briefly to give reassurance that he was still alive. he could tell these women were worried he was going to keel over and die on them and he didn’t blame them -- the state they’d found him in was damn near close enough to death or at least it’d felt that way to evan. there was no way in hell he hadn’t been accidently roofied this evening. maybe he’d picked up a solo cup not meant for him or maybe some crazy ass sorority chick wanted his guard down -- either way his body and mind were far past what alcohol normally did to him. as long as they got to wherever they were going soon, evan didn’t care. he needed to properly lay down somewhere, even if it was beneath a stripper in some dirty club. anything better than the sidewalk outside a frat house on halloween night.

****

the truck finally came to a stop in the back parking lot of a dingy looking building, smack dab in the middle of a downtown area that evan definitely didn’t recognize. it wasn’t necessarily a high class looking place, but it wasn’t the slums either. the vibe was what he expected it to be. he’d been to a few strip clubs before and this one was no different.

“where are we exactly?” words came easier to him now as the drunken haze started to fade, “don’t think i’ve ever been here before...” 

“the rouge room in west hollywood, baby!” the driver, the gorgeous brunette who seemed to be leading this pack of strippers, cheered proudly as they all began to exit the truck. she slunk around to the back, reaching a hand out for evan to take to help him. hesitantly, he accepted her grip and slid himself off the truck bed, his feet finding solid ground. 

“im sorry, did you say west hollywood? like los angeles?” he asked, the confusion in his tone clear. no wonder if felt like it took forever to get here -- they drove him SIX hours to another state.

“yes?,” the brunette scoffed, her expression giving away her own confusion at his question like it was unusual for someone to be confused in this situation. “you said you wanted to come back with us. regretting that choice now?” evan glanced up at the building once more, taking in it’s exterior appearance. it looked like your typical strip club, nothing particularly shady or alarming standing out to him. he didn’t feel like he had anything to worry about and the company he was with sure made the trip worth it, so any hesitation he’d held was fading away fast.

“nah, not at all,” his eyes shifted to the tiny girl before him, her own gaze already locked on him. she didn’t seem intimated by him like most women did which was kind of a turn on and his curiosity about her definitely was at the forefront of his mind, every other concern disappearing “let’s do this.” he said with a grin, adjusting his costume before his started off in the direction of the back door. 

***

man, did these strippers know how to party. not only did they kick off the evening with each of them giving evan a lap dance, but one also gave him what he suspected was either molly or a low-grade LSD of some sort. she’d been grinding herself against his crotch, so his mind was already elsewhere, and before he could protest, she grabbed his cheeks and kissed him heavily, sliding the little white pill into his mouth with her tongue. it dissolved quickly into his system and soon he was in a state of pure bliss,

so much for the way alcohol made him feel, this is what a real party was made of. 

although his mind was floating in wonderland, part of him was still present and aware of his surroundings. he could feel things ten times stronger than he normally could and oh wow - did he feel everything that happened to him. 

he got his cocked sucked at least twice, that much he knew. the distinct feeling was an unforgettable one thanks to whatever they’d slipped him. he’d never felt it so strongly before and it didn’t take much to bring evan to his climax in this state. on any normal day, a woman making him come that quickly would cause pure embarrassment, but here? he couldn’t find a single negative feeling to even be had. 

the brunette, whose name he never learned, came to check on him a few times, her amused smile floating in his vision each time she came back to make sure he was still having fun. she’d laugh at him and he’d laugh back, nothing mattering to him anymore as he cruised cloud nine.

“i’ll let them have their fun with you,” she whispered as pulled at his eyelids, looking deep into his eyes to see if his pupils were still dilated. at that distance, evan could smell her perfume and she smelled like what could only be described as the perfect mixture of vanilla and lavender and he wanted to swim in that smell, “then you and i are gonna have some fun, ok?” a soft, but lingering kiss placed on his lips made a tiny groan rise in throat and he resisted the urge to pull the woman back to him......

then something hit him -- a memory: the flash of a pretty smile, blonde hair rustling around her perfect face, her own soft kisses trailing his chest as she teased his exposed skin in glow of the morning sun. her body melted into his own, a perfect fit like it was meant to be there. her nails traced gently across the lotus tattoo etched into his bicep, her voice familiar and warm. he couldn’t hear what she was saying, but he could feel how content her quiet words made him, a rare form of joy washing over him. he felt at home in her arms and in presence. who was she? was this another acid trip? no -- he knew who it was. the way her smiled made his heart thump beneath his chest was all too intimate. she wasn’t a product of the high, but the sudden memory was. avia.

well shit --- what has he gotten himself into?

[ordinaryschmuck]

Alright, Disney, I'm gonna level with you here. In the last ninety-six years you've been around, you have approved:

Ursula getting harpooned by a ship in The Little Mermaid

Clayton getting hanged in Tarzan

Dumbo being an underage drinker

Pinocchio being forced to watch the horrific display of one his friends being turned into a donkey. Followed up with a scene of the rest of his donkey friends being sold into slavery.

A scene in Gravity Falls where a kid gets eaten by a monster made of black licorice and candy corn while the same kid said he was traumatized at the end of the episode.

Mr. Incredible finding out that all his closest friends had died horrifically to the clutches of a mad man.

Mufasa getting thrown off a cliff by his brother, trampled to death by wildebeests and having Mufasa's corpse poked and prodded by Simba.

A scene in the Star Vs. The Forces of Evil series finale, where a character blows up into purple confetti, while everyone around him SCREAMS IN HORROR! I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP!

A clone of Wendy from Gravity Falls being hit in the stomach with a fire ax.

Santa Claus getting tortured by Oogie Boogie in The Nightmare Before Christmas.

The Toys in Toy Story 3 holding hands and accepting their fate of being fed to an incinerator.

Imply that Eugene from Tangled is going get hanged as punishment for stealing a tiara. And after he escapes that, he gets shanked by a bitch and actually dies! (It for a minute and a half, sure, but still.)

Have Skinner take advantage of Linguini while he's drunk off of wine.

The Horned King from The Black Cauldron.

A scene in Gravity Falls where Mr. Northwest has the functions of every hole in his face get shuffled like a deck of cards.

Cassandra's arm getting dissolved in Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure.

The entirity of "Night on Bald Mountain."

The anglerfish from Finding Nemo

The frogs of Amphibia accepting the idea that they're going to die, and say potential goodbyes to each other.

A scene where Vasquez from Big City Greens says that he's going to go back to being in the secret service. Which is followed up with a fantasy sequence of him SNAPPING A GUYS NECK AND HIDING THE BODY IN THE BUSHES! AGAIN, NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP!

And the episode "Northwest Mansion Mystery" from Gravity Falls. Which has a scene where mounted animal heads are speaking a demonic language, while blood is dripping out of their eyes, mouths, and noses. And while that's going on, a flaming skeleton with an ax in his forehead is coming out of the fireplace as if he's crawling out of the pits of Hell itself. Once he's completely out, his body tissue reforms and he summons another ax, that is implied to be used on a twelve-year-old girl...A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL!

You approved of ALL OF THAT, and yet parents still haven't come down on you for bat-shit crazy y'all are. And if you can do that, then for once-just fricken' once-you can throw a certain group a bone and allow this:

Because if you don’t, I’m listing the racist stuff next.

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2021 | Day 22: Meet Cute

Trick Or Oh No, Please Don't Cry | @deansmultitudes

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,360 Main Tags/Warnings: Modern AU, Dad!Castiel, Halloween, Fluff Summary: Dean expected the Halloween night, spent on giving out candy, to be rather uneventful. And it was, at least, until the tiny disaster happened.

Losing A Few Teeth | @vampamber

Rating: General Word Count: 1,481 Main Tags/Warnings: dentist office, high on nitrous oxide Dean, drunken marriage proposal, first meetings Summary: Dean probably should’ve had his wisdom teeth removed ages ago, but he's never been fond of doctors of any sort, and that included dentists as far as he's concerned. But when he wakes up from getting them removed, the nitrous oxide makes him a bit drunker than expected. Proposing marriage to the hot nurse with the ungodly amazing blue eyes level drunk, apparently.

irresistible | @kitmistry

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1,529 Main Tags/Warnings: Top Castiel, Bottom Dean, Porn with Plot, Strangers to Lovers, Celebrity Castiel Summary: Well, hello there, Mr. Dark-and-Handsome. Dean can spy what is surely a demi-god, talking with a few ladies across the room. The ladies all coo, and blush, and cling to him with adoration written into every curve of their shapely bodies. The demi-god, though, is cool and aloof. He smiles politely at them, but doesn’t single any of them out. Doesn’t even really look like he’s paying that much attention to them, actually. His strikingly blue eyes scan the room every now and then, without focusing on any person or art piece in particular. The demi-god turns his face so he’s looking somewhere to Dean’s left, and holy. fucking. shit. That’s Castiel Novak! The movie star!

My Honey Bee | @vampamber

Rating: General Word Count: 1,774 Main Tags/Warnings: ABO, alpha Dean, omega Cas, true mates, scenting, first meetings Summary: Rolling his eyes as Sam excitedly made his way to a booth selling what looked like weeds as far as the alpha was concerned, Dean started wandering in the opposite direction. Wrinkling his nose in horror at an older lady selling hideous crafts made out of freaking corn husks (do people even buy crap like that?), he was suddenly hit by the most delicious scent ever. He knew he recognized it from somewhere, but he just couldn’t place it. It was sweet and thick, and even had him drooling a little from how good it smelled.

To All The Places I've Never Been | @vampamber

Rating: General Word Count: 2,814 Main Tags/Warnings: first meetings, barista Cas, pilot Dean, referenced Sam/Eileen Summary: Castiel has always wished that he could travel the world and see all the beauty and adventure awaiting him. Working at Starbucks for minimum wage, though, usually makes travel like that way too expensive and impossible. And working at said Starbucks in an airport only adds insult to injury. Maybe the cute green-eyed pilot that just ordered some coffee can sweep him away from here?

The Fortune Teller | @expectingtofly

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3,038 Main Tags/Warnings: Fortune Teller!Cas, Eileen/Sam, Normal Life AU, Beach Vacation, Fluff, Inspired by the song "Fortune Teller" by Robert Plant and Allison Krauss Summary: Dean doesn't trust any of this hippy bullshit—as he likes to call it. But he's at the beach on vacation with Sam and Eileen and they've dragged him to a fortune teller, so he reluctantly follows. Cue an attractive, charming fortune teller and a palm reading Dean wants to dismiss, but can't seem to shake.

Winchester's Haunted House | @deansmultitudes & @kitmistry

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3,417 Main Tags/Warnings: Modern AU, Past Character Death, Ghost!Cas, Halloween, Haunted House Summary: For the Halloween evening, Dean turns his new home into a haunted house for neighboring kids. But once all the guests are gone, is when the real haunting begins.

Heat powered by you | @Mistofstars

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,177 Main Tags/Warnings: Destiel, cold winter night, holding hands for warmth, first encounter, Fluffy, Romance, duracell campaign Summary: Just two strangers in a cold winter night, who have both missed the last bus home. Luckily, there is a bus shelter that provides warmth – as long as you hold hands to close the electric circuit. Too bad that Castiel appears pretty infuriating to Dean. Or is it something else? P Inspired by the Duracell campaign "Moments of Warmth".

The Christmas Market | @gii-heylittleangel

Rating: General Word Count: 4,377 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas Fic, First Meet, Meet Cute Summary: Being alone in a country he didn't know was never Dean's plan. Still, he tried to make the best out of it and, in the end, he thinks he really did.

Muse | @twisted-pride

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,605 Main Tags/Warnings: temporary character death, implied/referenced character death Summary: His life is but flashes Castiel has remembered from dreams, recreated in monochrome, if only so that Cas could prove this man wasn’t made up. After all, he’s certain he’s alive, that he’s someone out there that Cas just can’t get out of his head: he’s stuck with Cas too long to be fictional. And yet -- and it sounds silly in Cas’ head -- he’s never met the man. Someone he has drawn and painted for at least a decade, one that’s haunted his dreams even longer, and he didn’t even know his name. --- Ever since he was young, Cas has been haunted by this phantom of a man, both in his dreams and in the real world. No matter what Cas does, where he goes, the man is there too. In every mirror, every reflection, in puddles and car windows and the faintest reflection of Cas in the metal pitcher at restaurants. He's certain the man isn't the result of an overactive imagination or a ghost with unfinished business, but if he really is experiencing someone else's dreams, why is it only this stranger that Cas sees in his dreams and no one else? [Prophet AU]

This Charming Man | @expectingtofly

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,993 Main Tags/Warnings: College AU, Fluff, First Kiss, Inspired by the song "This Charming Man" by The Smiths Summary: Castiel is not having a good night. He was on a bike ride, until some asshole nearly hit him with his car, sending Cas veering onto the shoulder. Now he has a flat tire and has to walk his bike back to his college dorm. And, it looks like it's about to rain. Then said asshole returns, apologizing and offering to give Cas a drive. Sure, he's attractive and Cas' own age, but he could also be a serial killer for all Cas knows. Either this night is looking up or it's gonna get a whole lot worse.

Splash | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5,132 Main Tags/Warnings: Dean wears a bikini, Genderfluid Dean Winchester, Feminization, HHomophobic Language, genderphobia, lifeguard!cas, First Time, First Kiss, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting Summary: Dean is an idiot. Since it’s hot outside and Sammy wants a break from his studies, they decide to check out the local pool. Feeling brave Dean decides to finally be himself for once. Will he regret that?

A New Perspective | @kingdumbass

Rating: Mature Word Count: 5,471 Main Tags/Warnings: First Date, Meet Cute, Blind Date, Artist Cas, Language Summary: A recently dumped Dean is begrudgingly dragged off of his couch by his brother Sam to attend an art show. As it turns out, getting off the couch can be a good thing sometimes.

The Samhain Feast | @deansmultitudes & @kitmistry

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 5,840 Main Tags/Warnings: Magic AU,Wich!Dean/Familiar!Cas, Animal Sacrifice Summary: The end of the harvest. The one day the veil between our world and the otherworld is thinnest. The day when a witch coming of age can try summoning and binding a familiar. The Samhain Feast is a tradition so ancient, no one remembers how it started. Dean has attended every single one of them since he was old enough to walk, watching witches meeting their familiars and bonding with them. This year, it's his turn to make an offering. And hope one of the familiars chooses him.

Dear Santa | @imbiowaresbitch

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5,854 Main Tags/Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Meet-Cute, Misunderstandings, Top Castiel/bottom Dean Winchester, First Kiss, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Rimming, Anal Sex, Happy Ending, kinda a christmas fic Summary: Castiel takes his 8-year-old son Jack to the mall, where Jack decides he HAS to speak to Santa. Cas is glad he did.

[notevengrayson]

Ok so you know the fact file i did on my ocs, well apparently that wasnt enough cause I bullied myself to do it again with more info so yeah, fuck.

1st OC

Name: Daniel Craig Fletcher

Date of Birth: July 28th 2004 (age 16)

Star Sign: Leo

Gender: Male

Nationality: Half English, half Irish

Religion: Atheist

Sexuality: Gay

Relationship Status: Dating Elijah Ryan Phillips

Height: Short

Body Shape: Skinny

Hair Colour: Dark red (he dyed it)

Eyes: Dark blue

Skin Tone: Pale

Distinguishing Marks: Scar above his left eye

Positive Characteristics: Funny, creative, caring

Negative Characteristics: Sassy, easily embarrassed, annoying

Interests: Hanging out with friends, going to the gym, cooking

Phobias: Spiders, the inevitable end of the world

Favourite Foods: Chocolate, chicken nuggets, corn

2nd OC

Name: Elijah Ryan Phillips

Date of Birth: January 5th 2003 (age 17)

Star Sign: Capricorn

Gender: Male

Nationality: English

Religion: Atheist

Sexuality: Bisexual

Relationship Status: Dating Daniel Craig Fletcher

Height: Tall

Body Shape: Average shape

Hair Colour: Light brown

Eyes: Light green

Skin Tone: Slightly tanned

Distinguishing Marks: Tattoo of a paw print on his arm

Positive Characteristics: Flirty, rebellious, adventurous

Negative Characteristics: Annoying, loud, sometimes obnoxious

Interests: Embarrasing Daniel, singing, tennis

Phobias: Heights

Favourite Foods: Blueberry muffins, gammon, broccoli

3rd OC

Name: Nathan Christopher Hunterson

Date of Birth: October 4th 2003 (age 17)

Star Sign: Libra

Gender: Male

Nationality: Half Scottish, half Australian

Religion: Christianity

Sexuality: Pansexual

Relationship Status: Dating Jayden Alex Farrel

Height: Average height

Body Shape: Muscular

Hair Colour: Blonde

Eye Colour: Dark brown

Skin Tone: Tanned

Distinguishing Marks: None

Positive Characteristics: Energetic, adventurous, loving

Negative Characteristics: Might care a bit too much, loud, always fussing over Jayden

Interests: Rugby, swimming, getting drunk

Phobias: Clowns

Favourite Foods: Protein drinks, caramel, green beans

4th OC

Name: Jamie Patrick Calldering

Date of Birth: June 17th 2004 (age 16)

Star Sign: Leo

Gender: Male

Nationality: Half Indian, half English

Religion: Islamic

Sexuality: Straight

Relationship Status: Not currently dating anybody

Height: Average height

Body Shape: A bit muscular

Hair Colour: Jet black

Eye Colour: Hazel

Skin Tone: Dark

Distinguishing Marks: Birth mark below his right eye

Positive Characteristics: Friendly, curious, energetic

Negative Characteristics: Depressed, lonely, has trust issues

Interests: Writing, drawing, listening to music

Phobias: None

Favourite Foods: Raisins, grapes, watermelons

5th OC

Name: Jayden Alex Farrel

Date of Birth: September 21st 2003 (age 17)

Star Sign: Virgo

Gender: Non-binary

Nationality: Half English, half Welsh

Religion: Atheist

Sexuality: Bisexual

Relationship Status: Dating Nathan Christopher Hunterson

Height: Tall

Body Shape: Skinny

Hair Colour: Strawberry blonde

Eye Colour: Dark green

Skin Tone: A bit pale

Distinguishing Marks: They have a few scars on their body

Positive Characteristics: Funny, friendly, always excited to meet new people

Negative Characteristics: To gullible for their own good, easily gets distracted, annoying

Interests: Painting, shopping, talking to friends

Phobias: Isolation

Favourite Foods: Literally anything

6th OC

Name: Alisha Sophie Fredrickson

Date of Birth: April 1st 2003 (17)

Star Sign: Aries

Gender: Female

Nationality: English

Religion: Atheist

Sexuality: Straight

Relationship Status: Not currently dating anybody

Height: Short ( not as short as Daniel though)

Body Shape: Slightly overweight

Hair Colour: Ginger

Eye Colour: Pale blue

Skin Tone: Slightly tanned

Distinguishing Marks: A tattoo of a rose on her left shoulder

Positive Characteristics: Always happy, energetic, wants to befriend everyone

Negative Characteristics: Sometimes goes overboard, can get a little annoying after a while, shy

Interests: Watching movies, haging out with friends, playing video games

Phobias: Small spaces

Favourite Foods: Pork, fudge, cauliflower

7th OC

Name: Natalie Christine Hunterson

Date of Birth: October 4th 2003 (age 17)

Star Sign: Libra

Gender: Female

Nationality: Half Scottish, half Australian

Religion: Christianity

Sexuality: Lesbian

Relationship Status: Dating Raven Emily Hollingford

Height: Average height

Body Shape: Average shape

Hair Colour: Blonde

Eye Colour: Dark brown

Skin Tone: Tanned

Distinguishing Marks: None

Positive Characteristics: Loving, adventurous, wants to help anyone in need

Negative Characteristics: Loud, obnoxious, easily gets a rush of energy which normally ends in something being broken

Interests: Swimming, drawing, talking to Raven

Phobias: Spiders

Favourite Foods: Strawberries, cookies, cupcakes

8th OC

Name: Raven Emily Hollingford

Date of Birth: December 1st 2003 (age 17)

Star Sign: Sagittarius

Gender: Female

Nationality: Scottish

Religion: Atheist

Sexuality: Lesbian

Relationship Status: Dating Natalie Christine Hunterson

Height: Tall

Body Shape: Skinny

Hair Colour: Black

Eye Colour: Dark blue

Skin Tone: Pale

Distinguishing Marks: Has a scar above her lip and on her left cheek

Positive Characteristics: Caring, funny, will kick anyone's ass for her friends

Negative Characteristics: Fussy, always bored, will kick anyone's ass for her friends

Interests: Singing, reading, dancing

Phobias: Deep waters

Favourite Foods: Chicken wings, raspberries, candy canes

And that is it, more info on my ocs, this hurt my hands even more, I hope your are happy

[evanity]

;biography

name — Vanity, Emma faceclaim — Lily James  age — 25 gender — Cis-female. Women who would fan themselves endlessly while sipping her mother’s 5 o’clock tea would say female as if it were a barrier. They would point out that she was a lady, and that therefore, she should keep her back straightened, she should brush her hair, she should never say that word again out loud. Yet, her parents never asked Emma to put on a skirt because the Rowles are visiting. They never treated her like a little bird, like a future bride in training that they would marry off as soon as graduation. Her father had many faults, but never did he force Emma into the thin, cage-shaped stereotype that was female in their society. She was his heir. She learned to ride winged horses at ten years old. She was taken to saloons where men drank firewhiskey and talked business at fourteen. She wasn’t scolded after stealing her father’s cigars one summer at fifteen — she couldn’t escape getting enrolled among the Death Eaters as she turned seventeen. Therefore, Emma is a cis female, but the definition her parents taught her differs from the one used by her childhood friends.

sexuality — Pansexual. Her sexuality seeks personality more than anything else. She’s attracted to all those with a fire within, who inspire her to be worse, who make her laugh, who have something to say. Obsessive yet easy-going, she falls in love quickly and gives up hard. Whatever makes her heart beat change has claim over the said heart forever.

patronus — The memories she has lived are sprinkled with sheer happiness. Getting drunk and swimming in the Black Lake at midnight, winning the Inter-House Quidditch Cup while being Captain, getting a hundred galleons at the lottery all made her smile spread all the way to her ears, but nothing filled her whole heart with joy. She hasn’t even properly lived, in her opinion. Casting a patronus is a sensitive subject for a witch who always wanted to be first at everything, but finds it difficult to convert happiness into magic. However, if she were able to conjure a patronus, it would undoubtedly be a winged horse, namely an Abraxan Winged Horse. Abraxan Winged Horse - A breed of winged horse, gigantic in size and extremely powerful. They are selective eaters and usually require forceful handling. As a Patronus, they represent power, determination, and a free spirit.

boggart — This would be easier. In the past years, she ran on fear rather than happiness as fuel. These days, it would definitely be her father returned from Azkaban. She fears what life path he desires for her. She fears that disappointed look on his face when he notices her disgust for everything the war and the Dark Lord stand for. She fears the mental image of him destroyed by a soul-shattering prison, and, in few words, she fears him no matter if he dies in Azkaban, if he returns to make a Death Eater out of her again or if he returns to kill her for treason.

IC In Depth

personality traits —

(ambitious:) While other people have hobbies and interests, Emma’s only passion is overachieving. She became Quidditch team Captain seeking a title to differentiate herself from her mates. She learned to throw a Quaffle because someone implied she couldn’t, in the first place. Her collection of diplomas, piled up like fallen leaves in autumn, doesn’t matter for anything but her own ego, entirely fed by a lifetime of chasing after small prizes and insignificant victories. Nothing attracts her like winning, like coming on top, whether it’s about schoolwork, about silly bets or her own life choices. She has done questionable things to land on top before, only out of pride. Despite being passive in matters of blood purity and being too comfortable to actually want to fight a war (especially on the losing side), her ambition served as sole motivation to keep going, following her father’s wish to fight for the Dark Lord and make something out of a family name that hasn’t sat next to something worthy of pride in too long.

(fickle:) Easily convinced to doubt even the steps she takes on the ground, she questions everything, all the more herself, and is ready to turn on her heels and walk in the other direction at the first glare from someone else. Persuasion has her mind on strings, toying with it at free will, and Emma wouldn’t even notice, under the spell of every person who influences her in any way. Encouraged by peer pressure and naturally inclined to struggle until everyone liked her, she is often remembered by her worst, most impulsive decisions, executed because someone thought it would be funny. More importantly, her father’s aspirations for her left a permanent mark on her forearm, and she had no power fighting that decision.

(free-spirited:) While taking every piece of advice religiously, worrying that everyone’s mind but her own saw bigger truths that she was missing, she loves being in charge of her afternoons. She doesn’t want to be told what to do — not out loud and not consciously — because the peace and the quiet are her most comfortable state of being. She craves adventures and untied, tangled hair, spontaneous dips in stranger lakes and kisses from people she doesn’t know the name of. She despises cages and has a predisposition towards flying — be it on a broom or her favorite winged horse. Emma seldom knows what to do, what path to take and whether to trust her own mind or not — but she would rather cope with her uncertainties without having so many questions to answer and so many responsibilities no one ever wished for.

(chaotic:) An agitated daughter turned into a radioactive teenager turned into a messy young adult. Emma doesn’t know how to stand still, like she doesn’t know the first thing about order and stability. She learned how to run long before she could walk, and that shows in her behavior everyday. Wrong decisions made in the spur of the moment tie with some sort of natural, charming clumsiness — and these describe her to the last comma. She talks too much and most of her sentences don’t have an ending, because she never stops spinning infinitive ideas back and forth in her mind.

character biography —

Perhaps out of lack of blue blood in her veins, Emma never quite fit in according to the pureblooded standards. Her mother was thought to give birth to a boy up until the first time Emma opened her eyes for the first time towards the world. Due to health complications, it was said that she would never give birth again, let alone to a son.  It took his father a bit to adjust and accept the imminence of not having a heir to pass on quite everything to, but he never loved Emma any less. He couldn’t have his own blood even if it spat in his face — but Emma wouldn’t gamble on that. The toddler with curious eyes never cried a day, with a childhood surrounded by majestic winged horses and an aunt that sang in the Leaky Cauldron, surrounded by pinkness and a loving family that, despite being preoccupied by tradition, never resented Emma for simply being born.

And so the child who tripped in ballet classes and couldn’t remember the word for anything, having to ask her mother, grew taller and taller everyday, as if warmth alone lifted her up. Despite not being a skilled pianist or a talented dancer, she excelled in the third most pureblooded occupation there was. When on a horse, nothing stopped her. Emma would often be scolded by a worried mother or by a half-amused father for speed, but she agreed she’d never slow down. Every chance to hop on a winged horse and ride was a chance to exceed her last speed record, and so she became competitive — by being in constant competition with herself.

Terrified to go to Hogwarts, as she feared she has never slept before without her mother’s daily kiss on her forehead, she learned that she loves large amounts of company quite soon. She would talk and talk for hours if she had someone to talk to, and strangers were her favorite interlocutors. For that, she made both friends and enemies, those who liked her guts and humor not necessarily exceeding those who wouldn’t find anyone more annoying than Emma Vanity. Still, her priority has always been to have fun, and her friends were grateful to have around someone as lovely, gullible and foolish as her. Quidditch was her biggest achievement, despite being a sport she didn’t have a passion for particularly. It just mirrored horse-riding enough to make her not miss home so much, so often. And the fact that it implied the biggest competition Hogwarts had to offer interested her even more. She became a Captain in her third year and was known not for being the most talented player rather the one who would never give up.

When the child with curious eyes turned into the teenager with desperate eyes, it was as if nothing could stop her anymore. Driven by endless ambition and no drop of shame, she was the only girl in her year who treated boys she liked as if they were the girl. Norms have never applied to her and she decided it was best if the boys feared her instead of the other way around. Never did Emma hesitate before asking somebody out on a Hogsmeade trip, but, for that, she encountered with a fair amount of rejection. Emma was unlike the rest of the pureblooded girls  —  not delicate, not sheepish, not elegant, not mannered  — and she was unlike the other girls, but somewhere in the middle, she was sweet; like corn instead of candy. She didn’t fear labels from jealous wixen, she would argue with anyone spreading rumors… or even telling the truth about her, and conflict was never something she shuddered at the thought of. Until her father’s opinions concerning her became a problem.

Upon finishing school, she had no direction. Hogwarts, her friends, her team and even the dramas have been the entirety of her life for years, and now she didn’t want to become an adult. Yet, Mr. Vanity had big hopes regarding his daughter. As a supporter of Voldemort who didn’t stand out in any way: not being rich enough, not respected enough and certainly not having the strongest wand, he wanted to do anything to get in the Dark Lord’s good graces and it did flatter Emma that he immediately considered enrolling her. Except for the fact that Emma never wanted to fight to begin with. The cause itself preoccupied her less, even though something in her chest made her feel as if it wasn’t exactly right. Still, she complied with half a heart, only out of fear not to let down her father, who never wronged her in any way despite having many reasons to treat her as harshly as other fathers treated kids her age.

It was a relief when the Dark Lord vanished, and she was ready to take it without questioning whether it is a good or permanent thing. The only thing that mattered was that she was no longer a toy in somebody’s big hands and that the strings got cut off entirely. Her tattoo bothered her, but not enough to stop her from living a life filled with things that used to bring her joy before. It was going to take a while to rediscover them, but she was hopeful, for the first time. But that was before the aurors knocked on their door to arrest his father, letting her think she would be next. That didn’t happen, but the thought of her own father sitting blankly in an Azkaban cell made her skin itch and her head ache. She wanted him saved, but at the same time, she wanted her freedom too. Out of lack of skills regarding solving inner conflicts, she decided not to think much about that one. Still, even now that her wings are untied, she doesn’t know what to do with that freedom in the slightest.

plot ideas —

i. BLACKMAIL. People know of the mark underneath her robes. The long sleeves aren’t fooling anyone and the summertime catches her too distracted and entertained not to strip to skin with every occasion. Therefore, her prior alliance isn’t a whisper on a dark street, rather than the bitter truth she still didn’t gather up courage to swallow. The blackmail would have more to do with her official betrayal. Maybe she slipped in front of another Death Eater and confessed what is in her heart regarding the Dark Lord and her father’s say in her involvement, maybe someone observant enough read straight through her. What’s certain is that someone is using her weakness to threaten her into imminent death for her unofficial betrayal. Whether she knows this person’s identity or not, it’s open to interpretations.

ii. SPEAK NOW. It’s implied that Emma and Reginald, Mary’s husband, were romantically involved. Even if this were completely one-sided and if Emma was the only one to grow feelings for the other young man, it’s irrelevant in light of how she sees it. She sees it as a love story, beginning, middle and ending. No amount of cold water would help her wake up from the delusion that her friend — her good friend — led her on. The news about Reg’s marriage to Mary came in like a hurricane. Despite all that, it felt like a masterful idea at the time to interrupt their ceremony and voice her concern. She made a fool out of herself for this impulsive moment of unasked for truth. People still whisper about crazy Emma to this day and no hole is deep enough for her to hide whenever that particular memory resurfaces, but she’s learned to live with all of her collection of mistakes, no matter how sharp they still dig into their mind.

iii. PARTY GIRLS DON’T GET HURT. No one can brag about as many blunders as Emma, and her Hogwarts times are the golden ages of that. With a tendency to be the target of everyone’s laughter, it would only make sense that people in her generation wouldn’t think too highly of her, still remembering the girl who always tripped over her own feet after a couple of butterbeers. This plot bunny includes both people she used to be good friends with (but since adolescence is not a light summer’s breeze, they would have either fought passionately or fallen apart) and people who can’t help but scoff at the mention of her name. She wouldn’t necessarily be popular, but, as a dramatic and social person, it would only be natural that she made both pals and enemies at the age of sixteen.

iv. THE CLOAKED MEN. With a history of being on the wrong side of the previous war, aurors panic the hell out of Emma. She avoids them as if she has something to hide, but truth is, she just doesn’t want to end up where her father is. I would like a suspicious auror to seek her company purposefully and make her nervous in hopes of maybe learning something new about the Death Eaters. Getting under Emma Vanity’s skin is easier than ever when she is sweating and trying to nervously smile through that.

v. REDEMPTION. Maybe someone wants to fool Emma (see: possibly linked with the fourth plot bunny as well), maybe they want her to be well. What’s for sure is that someone is suddenly dragging her towards the light side — and she swings in between certainties without appearing to make up her mind any time soon. The promise of a clean future and better, less scary company is difficult to weigh in when, on the other side, her father’s disapproving eyes blink, in a frown, at her.

[the-grumpy-panda]

That's Not A Snack Box...

THIS is a snack box! Oof. An extremely outdated and severely tired Crocodile Dundee joke? I'm sorry. So very sorry. But it's time for another snack box adventure. This time from Australia! Land of Brody Dalle! Land of Isla Fisher! Land of the Irukandji jellyfish! All beautiful and deadly in their own unique way. Thanks, Australia. This sugary, salty and unhealthy excursion is courtesy of Snack Crate. A bit pricier (although I did opt for the 'premium' box) than other boxes I've tried, but this box is quite hefty and fully loaded with a wide assortment, and for a few bucks more, they also offer a drink option, which I of course threw in as well. I want the whole experience. So as a (possibly) one time splurge, I feel alright with the price. For anyone not wanting to splurge big, there are a total of three box sizes to choose from. Of course, the lower the price, the less goodies you'll receive. Two day shipping is also already included in the price. Express shipping is also available if you simply can't wait two days. But I'll tell ya, I ordered my trial box on a Friday evening, and the very following Monday afternoon I had it in my hands. That's a hell of a fast turnaround, and I praise Snack Crate for that. The insides were wrapped in a pleasant and fun themed paper, also included was a sleeve of Australian based stickers (Fun! I'm not going to secretly decorate the desk of the girl I secretly like as if I were a ten year old...) and the always appreciated sturdy booklet with some fun Australia facts, information and a run down of all the treats included in the box. All it truly lacked was a hand written welcome and a picture from Rose Byrne to class it up a bit. Come on Australia, she just looks like a princess, put her to use! For ease and comfort, I'm just going to run down the treats in the order they appear in the booklet. So, put on some Colin Hay (an Australian transplant, but I'll allow it) music and settle in, we're off to a land of snacks atop the counter! -Violet Crumble! A crunchy honeycomb toffee center coated in milk chocolate. I was not expecting this to be as crunchy as it is. It bites as if it were frozen. Even with the density of the center, it melts nicely in your mouth. It's a very airy sort of nougat. For being as hard as it is, the airiness is still a perplexing note. This is a candy bar to study! It's also fortunately very tasty. A very smooth honey infused toffee flavor that is delicious and makes me wish more treats used this formula. A great way to start this box!

-Milo Snack! Crunchy cereal pieces mixed with chocolate powder and dipped in milk. Hmm. Cereal pieces is a vague description. Dipping in milk seems odd to me for some reason in a pre-packaged item. Can't specifically explain why. Let's open this oddity and see what we see. Upon opening I discover it looks like one of those ready to go milk and cereal bars available nowadays. This looks like Cocoa Krispies smooshed up and then yes, a layer on the bottom of whatever milk substance companies use to make sure milk congeals and sticks to the bottom of things. Unfortunately, this bar smells exactly like dried dog food, so my first, and very tiny, bite is taken with trepidation. Not a winner here. It tastes merely of very old and very stale Cocoa Puffs. -French Fries Original! Australia's original potato straw snack! Just a simple and classic salty potato chip flavor, but in straw form. These do have a pleasant crunch, though. -Tim Tam Original! Two chocolate cookie biscuits filled with chocolate cream and covered in chocolate. For all the chocoholics! The name Tim Tam seems familiar. Either I've had them before somewhere along the way, or they are so popular in Australia, knowledge of their existence has permeated out. Like Natalie Imbruglia. You know the name, but you can't remember when last you saw her and if you liked her music or not. Time to try it again. Ha. These deliver exactly what they promise. Chocolate on chocolate covered in chocolate. A nice cookie crunch that's not too hard, the middle is tasty and the covering chocolate is smooth, creamy and adds to the whole flavor. A good treat, but one that could also get old quickly. Eat in small doses. -Fantales! Smooth and velvety caramels, coated with milk chocolate. Quite dense. Be prepared to be gnawing on this little sucker for a couple of minutes. It's not great, but it's certainly not awful. Comparable to a Milk Dud I suppose, but with a higher chocolate component and better made. I'd eat one if offered, but not a caramel treat I'd actively seek out for myself. -Arnott's Shapes Pizza! Pizza flavored biscuits. Um, what exactly do pizzas in Australia look like? These crackers resemble coffins to me. Which is fine, I'm into it, but is this a general Australian pizza shape or am I just a rambling moron inadvertently insulting an entire country? I'm not really getting a "pizza" taste here. It's more like an oregano infused cracker. Not bad for what it is, but it's lacking something and doesn't deliver the promised flavor. Or maybe it does. Someone send over Karen Martini to make me an Australian pizza, please. Thanks. -Twisties Cheese! Apparently Australia's most popular snack. Corn and rice snack with cheese flavoring! Let's crack a bag! They look like Chee-Tos, but the taste is definitely different. This cheese coating seems a bit creamier or milkier and they're not as salty as Chee-Tos, which is a big bonus. All said and done, though, I like these but I don't love them.

-All the snacking has made me thirsty. Luckily I opted for the drink! Here comes Solo Original Lemon! A refreshing drink made with 5% crushed lemons! The can says so! And it absolutely shows in the flavor. This is not just another "lemon-lime" sugared up soda. Oh, no. This is like a very genuine and nicely home made lemonade with some carbonation thrown in. I dig it. It is refreshing and tasty. Back to the foods! -Chomp Caramel! A crispy wafer layered with caramel then coated with chocolate. I have nothing else to compare this to other than a Charleston Chew, but it is most assuredly not a Charleston Chew. It bears the same shape, the consistency is close, but the flavor of the Chomp is far superior and the addition of a thin wafer layer gives the Chomp bar a very nice and welcome crunch and added fun element. The caramel here is very smooth, and it eats easily, as opposed to a Charleston Chew trying to yank your fillings out. A solid winner, here.

-Allen's Pineapples! Pineapple shaped gummy candy! A bit more solid than gummy candies I'm used to, and the pineapple flavor is very subtle. Another not great but not bad candy. Pairs well with the Solo Lemon drink, though, for a weird sort of tropical taste trip. -Wagon Wheels! Marshmallow filling between two soft biscuits and dipped in chocolate. Sounds like a Moon Pie to me! Let's see if we'll notice any differences. It's certainly a lot thinner than a Moon Pie. The cookie, while soft, still has a bit of a welcome crunch to it, the chocolate is very chocolatey and what I didn't know at first was this Wagon Wheel also has a thin layer of jam within. It doesn't say what kind of jam, so it could be Vegemite jam. But since my American taste buds aren't heaving, it's safe to assume it's some sort of fruit jam. I like this a lot, and far better than the Moon Pies I'm used to, which admittedly I haven't eaten one in probably twenty years. Just not a fan. The Wagon Wheel also gets to be too much of a good thing. A mini Wagon Wheel would be a perfect serving size. -Milky Way! Yep, a Milky Way! But the Australian version is only filled with a light and sweet nougat. Which means it's a 3 Musketeers bar. Nice try Australia! I'm on to your ruse. You owe me one Abbie Cornish. -Iced Vovo! A biscuit topped with pink fondant, a strip of raspberry filling and sprinkled with coconut. These are a beautiful cookie. Ready made for presentations and for putting on airs. If you were fifteen and had no idea how to impress anyone, that is. And that's not a slam against the cookie... but it is still just a cookie. Taste wise, they are sadly just okay. I like the cookie part, I like the raspberry stripe, but the fondant and the coconut just don't work and those two items should never be paired together to begin with. But I'm going to place the majority of the blame on the fondant. A raspberry coconut cookie could have been lovely. Fondant is... it's just somehow not right. Ever. I know you know what I mean. How cake makers get away with using it so much is a mystery to me. -Chokito! A Milk chocolate bar filled with caramel and crispy rice. Or as the packaging proclaims... "Chewy Caramel Fudge! Crunchy Balls! & Loads Of Chocolate!" This doesn't quite work. It tastes like all the ingredients are quite cheap, and seems like a drunk babysitter just dumped leftover pieces from other treats into bowl and gave it to you to shut you up for a minute. This candy bar made me sad. -Cherry Ripe! A mix of cherry, coconut and dark chocolate! Australia's oldest candy bar! I would have been much better served by this were it bite size pieces instead of a whole bar. It's good, I enjoy it, but it has far too much coconut. The cherry notes are wonderful when they finally fight their way through the coconut. -Peppermint Crisp. Milk chocolate bar filled with thin cylinders of peppermint flavored toffee pieces. Those who know know I'm no fan or friend of mint, but I'll try this bar all the same. Nope. Nope Nope. Nope. It's like a candy cane covered in chocolate and the inside color is that of mouth wash. Nope Nope Nope. Don't want. -Caramello Koala! A chocolate bar filled with caramel. Pretty direct. And exactly what you'd expect. It's made by Cadbury, so it's safe to assume most of us have had a chocolate and caramel product by Cadbury at some point, or at least something strikingly similar. No muss or fuss here, it is what it claims to be and serves its purpose.

-Cheezels! Corn and rice rings with a zesty cheddar cheese sauce! Very similar in taste to Chee-Tos Paws but a bit crunchier. Not bad. Slightly too salty for me, all the same, though. -Cadbury Picnic! Crispy wafer with caramel, peanuts and raisins covered in chocolate. A very hard candy bar. Watch your teeth with these. Taste a lot like a frozen Baby Ruth bar somehow. It's alright, but it's hardness level wouldn't make me a repeat buyer.

-Golden Vines Anzac Biscuits! Just a big ol' honking cookie. Apparently these were sent to Australian soldiers in WW1 as a reminder of home. This might be one leftover from then. It's hard, it's dry, and it's only remotely sweet. Tastes like an oatmeal cookie that only used honey for sweetening. All that being said, I can honestly see the appeal to this cookie. Once I swallowed my initial bite and set it aside, the flavors really took hold and I want another bite. It's very large, though, so I imagine this one cookie will last a few days, if not a week. Which makes their part of soldier history make a lot more sense, as well. This seemingly bland and innocuous little cookie is the surprising little cookie that could. Thumbs up. -Wizz Fizz Sherbet! A sweet powder that fizzes in your mouth! Thanks Wizz Fizz. I am now coated in your powdery wares because opening this little pack was like opening a gag gift. Despite my efforts to prevent such a thing, the moment the package got the tiniest tear, its contents flew everywhere. So now I must appear to be a messy baker covered in powdered sugar, or some sort of coke fiend who knocked over his mirror. Including a tiny spoon in your packaging just the right size for a "sniff" isn't helping. Are you trying to be the "cool" "street cred" candy maker? Plus, your product doesn't fizz whatsoever in my mouth. It sat there, lumping up like a gob of remorse. This product sucks. I hate everything about it. -Last in line for this sojourn is Allen's Chico's! Cocoa flavored gummy candies! Gelatin and cocoa just do not mix. It's like uncooked brownie batter left atop your fridge for two weeks. Dang. Ended on a sad note. Just the way things go sometimes. Might be a good time to revisit the 1996 Australian bio-pic "Shine." Or perhaps 1978's "Patrick." Thanks again, Australia. Until next time, I am momentarily The Grumpy Koala. Koala's sleep up to twenty hours a day! Waking to eat, and "socialize." Now that's a life. Cheers, mates!

[downbythewater-beachblondee]

9 | The Don was...slippin’

October 31st 1987

"Naomi!"

The most wonderful time of the year had finally arrived during the fall of 87 and I wanted to be a princess. I saw all the new and exciting costumes in the mall and on television. No matter how many times I begged ma to get them for me she refused, claiming Halloween was a pagan holiday and shouldn't be celebrated as extensively as it was.

But my daddy got me exactly what I wanted. He got the biggest, cutest, puffiest dress from the store matched with sparkliest, pearliest crown. He knew I liked it so much.

"Naomi!" She called again.

"Ma'am?"

"Let's go. We getting ready for church-"

She caught me putting my princess outfit on. And boy, was she mad.

"Aw naw. Where. In. The. Hell. Did you get that from missy. Does your father know about this? Synnedy! Synnedy!"

My heart pumped as I knew my daddy would take up for me and somehow convince her into letting me wear it for the night, without having to trail behind her during church.

I could hear his footsteps pounding onto the hardwood stairs and his hyperbolic panting once he reached the top floor. "Yes ma'am." He greeted, placing his left hand on my mother's shoulder.

She glared at him without speaking, the way only mothers know how to do. He smiled towards me, unaware of the issue at hand.

"What?" He asked.

"Do you see this?"

"See what?"

"This!" She scoffed. "Do you know about this?"

His arms weighed down to the floor as if they carried the weight of the world. Now, I know they did. But then, I knew he was trying to be funny.

He hopped up lifting my feet off of the ground and bouncing me on the bed.

"You mean, this old thing?!" He bubbled.

My mother, in spite of her disagreement, had to let go of a smile.

"You're a joke, Syn. Don't you know that?" She gushed.

He humped his shoulders, as if they were being plundered by a ventriloquist.

"You caught me."

I hid behind my dads shoulder, hoping he would protect me from the evil reign of my mother.

"I still don't like the outfit." Said my mother.

"Ahh...come on Whitney. Let her have fun tonight. Just for about 30 minutes. I'll watch her."

Ma's eyes traced between me and dad. Her grin never faded, and surprisingly she agreed with him. I wasn't surprised. My dad could do anything, including persuading mom.

Something impossible to do without skill.

"You two have fun. I'm going to church."

My dad and I did an Eskimo kiss with our noses before I got up and twirled around.

I picked up my magic wand and tapped the floor as if I had magically made everything happen.

Me and my daddy were going on an adventure.

☾

"I got alllll the candy in the world!"

I was explaining to my babydolls how much candy I had gotten and how I couldn't wait to chow down on it after dinner.

"What, sweetie? What? Can you hush for a second? Damn it. Go to your room. Go to your room!"

Baffled, I did as I was told and I didn't speak for the rest of the night.

For a little while I would peak through the door and see momma and daddy whispering amongst some papers at the table. Mom would cry and dad would stay calm. Whatever they were talking about went completely over my head.

When it was time for bed, daddy didn't come in my room to kiss me goodnight. So when it got late enough and the moon fell against my window, I slipped out of bed and creeped to the kitchen.

When I got down there, I heard a bump coming from the bathroom. So I ran to it, frightened.

The door was closed but not locked.

I heard my daddy's voice, yelling and trailing out like a lingering piece of silk.

I opened the door.

Daddy was strung out onto the floor, convulsing and spouting for air as his head lay crooked against the bath tub. His eyes rolled around like yoyo's and blood spurred from his mouth.

"Dad!" I screamed. "Dad, what's wrong!?"

His movements grew wilder and wilder, so much that I thought he would rise up and shake his head as if he were joking, like Michael Jackson on thriller. But then, he quieted down. And then, he was pronounced dead on the first of November.

As my cousin would say, he drank the wrong koolaid.

☾

Sanaa

"Ooo, get this one."

Peaches waved a purple rose in her babies face. The child smiled, toothlessly before falling back asleep.

"What a cutie."

Peaches and I were currently shopping. My roses had run out and I needed some more. Also, the house needed incense. We had the five finger special.

The life cart was gone and I had no money.

"...Sanaa..." she breathed.

"Yes mama?" I liked calling her that.

"...I wanted to thank you. Thank you for letting us stay with you. I promise it will only be for a little while."

"Don't even dream of mentioning it, sweetie. You're welcome where I'm welcome."

"Thank you...so much."

My attention lingered towards the candles.

"Mmm, this smells good." I gleaned, waving the glass container around.

"It looks good...speaking of looking good...where's that beaux of yours?"

"Beaux? I know nothing of the sort." I pranced. "I'm only joking. If you're referring to Elijah...well...I haven't talked to him in a while."

"Oh, you haven't? I'm sure he'll come back around, huh?"

"I hope so. I miss him."

We swam around through the store, stuffing a few items in our breasts cautiously trying not to get caught by the store clerk. Peaches hid a few things away in Mariposa's blanket.

I turned the corner, attempting to stuff another folded rose into my bra when someone caught my eye, sending my entire body into a shiver.

As much as I believed in the life of free reign, I had never committed a crime. And I didn't want to start today.

"Oh my god...do you work here?" I asked, afraid of the persons response.

"No I don't." She smiled. "But I'll be happy to tell the manager you're folding roses in your tits if you don't tell me your name."

"It's Sanaa."

"I'm kidding." She beamed. "But in that case...I'm Rosie."

After my heart finished bouncing, I picked it back up and placed it back into my chest. Then I shook her hand nervously.

"Hello, Rosie. In Sanaa, as you already might know."

"Hello, and this is?" She asked, pointing towards Peaches.

"This is Peaches. Peaches, this is Rosie."

They said their hello's before Rosie returned her attention towards me.

"You seem like an interesting soul, titty stuffer. I'd really like to stay in touch."

"Me too." I thanked. "Except, I don't have a cell phone."

"Oh...well, that sucks. I guess I'll literally just have to see you around then..."

"I guess so."

Her short nails traced against her tattooed chest.

Her apple shaped face creased into a smile pairing dewy skin melted against the piercings in her nose, eyebrow, and lips.

She was gorgeous.

"...I'm staying near the double tree hotel...if you're ever near there....I stay in room 226..." she mentioned.

"I'll keep that in mind."

The creases of her mouth twirled towards the sky and with one swift turn of her neck, her black hair followed her into the sunlight.

"My names Rosie." Peaches mocked, noticing my amusement.

"Tend to your children mama. Let's get out of here."

_____________

"Help me put this mess where it needs to go."

Peaches and I were dancing and cleaning whilst adding the freshly cut roses into their appropriate glasses.

"Turn this up! This is my shit!" Peaches demanded to my surprise.

"Yes ma'am."

I did as told, cutting the radio up as loud as it could go.

Ja rules hoarse voice roared through the speakers. Usually, I hated his songs. But today, I made an exception. The melody mixed with Ashanti's heavenly vocal chords; it was a bop.

We laid Mariposa onto the couch as we moved our hips to the beat and poked our fat lips out the way black girls did best. The rhythm stuck to the air and added frizz to our hair. Laughs emitted into the atmosphere as if God had answered a prayer of depression and we finally were happy again.

Until a familiar face appeared, leaning against the yellow bricks on the wall.

I stood still. Peaches smile faded slowly once she realized what I was peering at.

I cut the radio off.

"K-Kylo." I stuttered.

"Don't stop cause of me. Continue."

Peaches cleared her throat, heading towards Mariposa now wide awake on the couch.

"Um, thanks for having us Sanaa. We'll be on our way."

"No." Kylo interrupted. "Stay. Please. Sanaa, we should cook for our guest."

I said nothing. I hadn't seen Kylo since the day he was drunk.

"Shouldn't we?"

"...of course." I grinned. "We should."

_______________

Besides Kylo's strange ass mannerisms, the food was hot and ready on the table.

I had fried and grilled Okra, a personal favorite, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn on the cob, red beans and rice, and a little thing I liked to call fake wings.

It was basically cut and season tofu dipped and lathered in wing sauce. It was healthy, and light on the tummy.

"I hadn't thrown down like this since I was back in Mississippi." I admitted.

"Looks good." Said Kylo. "Let's see if it tastes as good as it looks."

"...weirdo." I said with my back turned.

"What was that?"

"I said Peaches, what would you like to drink?"

"Water is fine." She gleamed, rocking her baby.

Once I'd given Peaches her drink, we all sat at the table awkwardly.

"Aren't we going to say grace?" I offered.

"...I'm hungry so you go ahead."

I had never eaten this intimately with Kylo before so it wasn't necessarily surprising noticing his asshole behavior at the dinner table. But I said my grace anyway. Mama taught me better. From the corner of my eye, I might have saw Peaches say hers too.

"Oh, I love it." Peaches admitted, digging into her potatoes.

"That's wonderful! I'm so glad you like it cause I added that rosemary we got and-"

"It's good but..." Kylo began as he finished chewing. "Lay off on the sauces. Season more. Other than that...it's wonderful, baby."

"Ah." I effused pathetically.

"Don't get offended, now. I'm just saying..."

The more Kylo's maddening voice throttled through the sound waves, the more my body reminded me that I had an illness. My head began to ache severely. I could barely here anything, and the world sounded like a nightmare. The lights above us began stretching out of their bulbs, chasing a plotting against my demise. I was in hell. My own thoughts were out to get me.

"I'm sorry." I interrupted. "My head. It hurts. Very bad."

"You need something?"

"No, I think I just...need to take an early night. I'm sorry y'all."

"...no need to apologize, Sanaa...would you mind sitting down for just a minute longer?" Peaches sweet voice comforted. Her voice made every other noise seem detrimental.

"Yeah, Pea. What's up?"

She looked towards Kylo. Maybe if I didn't have such a detestable headache I would've noticed and maybe I would've taken a note on how it seemed like she was searching for some kind of permission or cue.

"Well, I'm a part of...this group."

"Mmhm," I egged, wishing she would hurry up.

"We meet...down by the water...every other day. It's just a small group of women with born and unborn children. And since you know so much about midwifery...I think you would be much needed and enjoyed during our meetings."

"I think that's a great idea." Kylo interjected. "Down by the water, huh?"

"Yeah...that sounds wonderful Peaches just let me know when, Okay? I love you. I need to get some rest."

And I did so until I heard a knock at the door at 1 o'clock when the lights were out and so was Kylo. Peaches and Mariposa were asleep on the couch.

My head ache seemed to have escaped, thankfully. And the sound of my wind chimes weren't out to kill me anymore.

My eyesight was terrible at night. I saw shadows lurking in every corner. But there was one shadow that took me by surprise. I wasn't sure if it were a ghost or not.

"Elijah?"

He stood. His pale yellow skin kissed up against the street lit sky. His smile curled below his nose.

"Sanaa..."

[voiceoffenrisulfr]

With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear Masterlist

Clint is set up on a blind date and it begins a series of events that will change the course of his life. Smutty and light-hearted.

Chapter One - "I've Got You." Clint goes on yet another blind date, at Natasha’s incessant begging. CW: Alcohol use (moderate), unsafe binding practices, implied discrimination.

Chapter Two - "Oh No, You're a Morning Person!" The morning after is never quite as comfortable as the night before.

Chapter Three - 'Hot Chocolate' The boys meet up for their second date, and it’s a little sweeter than they expected. CW: accessibilty concerns, implied possibility of smut.

Chapter Four - 'Wearing Each Other's Clothes' The boys own the same hoodie in different colours. What could possibly go wrong?

Chapter Five - 'x+1' Four times Clint could excuse Matt’s abilities - and one time he couldn’t. CW: Implied threat of violence.

Chapter Six - 'Corn Maze' Clint and Matt finally see each other for who they are… And Natasha is delighted. CW: Smut, implied threat.

Chapter Seven - ‘Porch Swing’ The boys finally get a weekend off, and head out of the city. CW: Smut :D

Chapter Eight - ‘Rainy Day’ There’s a reason that Fall isn’t the best time for a romantic getaway in upstate New York. CW: More smut. sorrynotsorry

Chapter Nine - '... At First Sight' Clint teaches Matt about his language, and Matt teaches Clint to see.

Chapter Ten - 'Love of My Life' Natasha and Clint catch up, and some confessions are made. CW: implication/discussion of smut (non-graphic)

Chapter Eleven - 'Sweet Tooth' Clint gets a plus one to a Halloween party – or rather, to an excuse to get drunk and eat candy. CW: Implied non-specific prejudice, mild distress.

Chapter Twelve - 'Fire & Ice' Clint stumbles across a familiar face on a stakeout.

Chapter Thirteen - 'Wrong (...)' The boys earn a nickname.

Chapter Fourteen - "I hate it." - "No, you don't." An injured Clint is taken care of by an equally-injured Matt.

Chapter Fifteen - ‘Emergency, Confession, Adventure' A familiar face makes a stunning appearance. CW: Injury, blood loss, GSW, implied/actual threat (non-specific)

Chapter Sixteen - ‘Singing one another to sleep’ The boys wait patiently for news about Nat. CW: implied and direct threat, implied risk of character death.

Chapter Seventeen - "You've Told Your Parents?" Clint is introduced to Matt's family. CW: Mild, non-specific threat issued.

Chapter Eighteen - "Did You Plan for This to Happen?" The boys have an impromptu date.

Chapter Nineteen - 'Keeping Someone Safe' Getting pinned on a stakeout is dangerous. Luckily, Matt has a new skill that will come in handy.

Chapter Twenty - 'Pumpkin' The boys give this whole 'Halloween' thing a go. CW: Minor, accidental wound.

Chapter Twenty-One - 'Swoon' The boys go for some feel-good fun... Don't let the blind guy pilot a sled. CW: Accidental injury, guilt.

Chapter Twenty-Two - ‘(:melty face emoji:)🫠' Clint ends up snotty and wheezy after his time face-down in the snow, so Matt takes care of him. CW: Illness (non-vomiting), reference to previous injury.

Chapter Twenty-Three - 'Soothing Touch' Matt is caught in the shower, and Clint decides to punish him. CW: Kinky sex, sexual 'punishment'.

Chapter Twenty-Four - 'Dreams Do Come True' It's the finale!