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fire requires fire. it resents the cold rejection of water, doused upon it to condemn its very raison d'etre. and winds that try to forcefully change the direction of his blaze, saying 'i know what's best, better for you.'
#ki3r-1#vent#manipulation at the hands of foreign elements#i'm wondering if part of how i got to be e4 was because i saw very little of my inner passion reflected in others and this bothered me more#-than anyone could have realised#reject me and i will reject everything. myself and rationality#wind sometimes resembles fire. fickle and mercurial. and yet more stubborn than you'd predict; fire if it was water. stabilizing and#-stoking your embers one moment and trying to kill it in the next#i should burn your entire dwelling in retaliation. and i can. burn so much you will see nothing but the truth of fire#what the wind says is best for you is only a manifestation of his fear#how manipulative. killing a small fire from the inside. it grows in size with a strange colour. unstable and sickly#it's uncomfortable allowing yourself to see a sick flame
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Confession #385
#rwby#doomalade#penny polendina#spoilers#volume 8#writing#I mean we have gone through this before here but I do have to wonder what they were thinking#bringing her back without any real setbacks (other than Pietro not being able to possibly build her again)#like idk... if u have to bring her back make her memory being erased or missing or something#~oo watts stole the memory disc we have to get it back~#oh no the gang didnt realised watts had installed malware there no Penny is getting hacked!!!!! ;_;#but yeah#why make her human? wasnt she human enough the way she was..?#Ironwood losing his humanity after having more robotic parts in him and this kinda makes a eeugghh bad look#xyz coding#trans allegory#winter maiden#also yeah there could be some dramatic irony in healer having to kill a friend/ally but cmon guys please anyone else pl-
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from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything. there will never be another like you. ever.
#yellow was his colour because it emphasised the light he gave off#this is so redundant given i haven’t used this blog for two years and then i came back for like a week only for this to happen LOL#anyways if you’re reading this: thank you. this blog meant more to me than anything & the friendships it gave me will last a lifetime.#i think he’d be happiest to know that over the years he gave people a sense of community & belonging.#especially people who maybe felt like they didn’t have that growing up (me)#sitting back and realising i grew up with him fills me with such a sense of privilege & happiness that i cannot even begin to describe#this is so personal but i struggled a lot in 2020 (as everyone did) and having him along with f1 & this blog was such a saving grace for me#and i don’t think i could ever begin to express my gratitude. to him & to anyone this blog gave to me.#he will always be formula one to me & the reality that he won’t be here again is just far too painful for me to accept.#i feel good about leaving this blog behind for good & everything it holds. every photo. every liveblog. snapshots of his career.#i hope people can continue to get the same joy from it that i had when posting. and i hope you can remember daniel’s career for what it was#he deserves it.#so again: thank you.
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my opinion on the Blake lively situation
#okay so I never HATED Blake lively#but I did have a feeling about her#so I’d always like purposely not interact or view any interview or anything of hers that came up on my feed#I DON’T like Ryan Reynolds and never have#I just find him a try hard and annoying#and I did not like the couple of Blake and Ryan#they just seemed soooo pick me#so yeah I tried to just ignore the whole downfall of Blake lively that’s been happening#bc sometimes I just don’t care to comment or learn about celeb drama#BUTTTT ofc i got sucked into it#and not Blake tryna have a Margot Robbie in Barbie moment 😂😂#‘bring your girlfriends and wear florals!1!1’ GIRL MARGOT NEVER TOLD ANYONE TO WEAR PINK TO BARBIE IT WAS A NATURAL THING#not to mention I didn’t even realise this movie was about domestic violence as I’ve never read the book#and it was NOT being marketed as one thanks to Blake and Ryan#also why did Ryan have to get involve#ALSO this morning I saw the interview from 2016 where Blake is being rude to the interview#and oh my god it’s awful like SHE FIRSTLY FAT SHAMES HER OFF THE BAT NO HESITATION#then proceeds to ignore the poor interviewer#like doesn’t give her eye contact AT ALL#which I felt so bad for the interview bc I’ve BEEN THERE#this is why I’d hate to be a celeb interview bc imagine getting treated like a third rate individual by these big headed LOSERS who think#they’re better than you just bc they’re famous#I could NOT#anyways also Blake tried to have a whole feminist moment when the interviewer asked her about the clothes she wears in the movie#‘would anyone ask the men about the clothes’#UM BITCH YES??? COSTUMES??? IN FILM?? IS A THING ???#also can I just say Blake has always had the worst hair ever and the fact she has a hair care line is insane bc SHE IS KNOWN TO HAVE BAD HAI#and I never thought her fashion was good like even when people were simping over her met gala outfits I NEVER EVER SAW THE VISION#anyways yeah lol#the interviewer thing triggered me lowkey like HOW RUDEEEE
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yasaka (miss psychological warfare) being entirely bamboozled by mitsumi working at face value is pretty amusing ngl
#not yet fully absorbed what this chapter told us about yasaka tbh. but whilst she does want to 'win' the guys#the impact that has on her relationship with girls is actually pretty fascinating. say... the thing with the cinema tickets#did she ignore the implications or genuinely not realise them wrt his gf? because sure it could be the former but if it's the latter#then her struggling to build relationships with girls is more a cycle that feeds into it itself than sth intended maliciously#and is weirdly something she'd have in common with mitsumi in terms of missing undertones.#but also yasaka only picking up what she's focusing on (winning) and reading malicious intent into interactions with other girls#means that she's so ill-equipped when it comes to making relationships with /anyone/ frankly#which is fascinating when she's first presented as this more savvy character. her choosing to try + wade into the undertones#has just left her /lonely/. (also. the boy stuff being about 'winning' rather than any kind of lasting romantic relationship is hm.)#skip to loafer#stl manga spoilers#she's weirdly reminding me of that chara from blue flag I'm blanking on the name of rn#(which also ties into how if yasaka just ignores the implications wrt his gf is she actually in the wrong for that necessarily?#friends can go to the cinema together after all. it being construed as some kind of cheating/date by society simply because#they're a girl and boy going together is kinda... yeah.)
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God I still haven't gotten over the gut punch that was Millia saying "God, I hope not."
That ending is seared into my subconscious.
#I will preface this by saying I Truly don't think Millia and Venom wholeheartedly hate each other despite everything going on between them#but I *do* think they see themselves in each other and they *hate* that they do#I think from Millias perspective Venom is what she could've been and from Venoms perspective Millias betrayed everything they both are#to Millia Venoms someone clawing at a past shes trying to free herself from#Millia left the door open behind her yet Venom would rather stay where he is. Clinging to the memory of a dead man that did them both wrong.#but to Venom the guild was all they had. I think when Venom lost Zato it was like he'd lost *everything*#I think Venom taking over the guild was him trying to put the pieces of his life back together.#I don't think Venom can see himself being anything other than what he is like Millia can.#I think the closest the two have come to understanding each other WAS in that ending#I think Millia got through to him and thats what made Venom realise they're “like twins separated at birth”#thats why it hurt. so bad. that Millias response was “God. I hope not.”#it understandably would've struck a nerve. After everything how could you think we're still anything like each other?#“god. I hope not.” god I hope there's not a world where I live the way you do.#GJGGGUHUH GOD I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE-#I'm a little scatterbrained at the moment. also I'm a fool I know nothing I may sound like a silly clown disclaimer big time.#I know I gotta look into some sub material for the guild to get a better grasp on them#I know this!#if anyone read this far in... hii#yappin'
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Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level#for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda#changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is#don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men#his transness wouldnt change that#only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically.#Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band#is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name;#over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had#he becomes more caring more supportive#it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind#and learns how to be a kinder man.#all of which have no contradictions with him being trans!#In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences#i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways#to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring.#Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL.#at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it#so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine#i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt#but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues#and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does#again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol#AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans#do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model#I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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you guys have no idea how much i think about the malice champions (the game calls them "hollows" and thats quite frankly terrifying)
#blbllblblb dark reflections of the self and body horror go brrrr#oh they are from aoc if you didnt know. first show up in korok forest (chapter 3 part 1 i think)#they should have had so much more screentime than they did#horrifying concept 0/10 do not like the implications#wish you had been more explored by the narrative#hey so do you think astor could just make malice copies of anyone or is it something special about the champions (and their#link to the divine beasts assumably) that sets them apart#bc like. residual malice in the divine beasts from the first time sending messages back about how to beat the next set?#but maybe not bc iirc he could copy link before he pulled the master sword so its not any sort of godly connection#prolly a combination of “strong spirit makes strong hollow” and “best way to defeat the enemy is for them to do it themselves”#but like gah the angst potential of the champions running into their own hollow- or worse someone elses#(and not realising at first smth is off. korok forest is known for playing tricks on the eyes and the mind)#could you really strike at your fellow champion? your friend? your possible love interest? (if ur insane like me)#anyway they also should have been utilised in the corrupted divine beasts but thats just me and my angst loving heart#(i would have cried so much its probably for the best they didnt. wont stop me tho)#the champions#botw champions#botw#aoc#moss' madness
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Mirror, mirror, on the wall...
Who's the fairest of them all?
#lowkey cringy caption but I thought it was fitting given the context#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#who I still haven't figured out a tag system for lmao#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#alternative title: what a difference half a lifetime can make#summiya at 18/19 vs summiya at 34/35 is like night and day. she barely even looks like herself anymore#or maybe.. she looks more like herself than she ever did? what came before wasn't her. it was an empty porcelain doll devoid of personality#hiding the rotten nature underneath that's been steadily seeping through#and now that she has been thoroughly destroyed her outward appearance finally reflects what she was like inside all along#but just as she manages to convince herself of it. she looks in the mirror and refuses to accept that this is who she really is#where did that gorgeous girl who was so excited for her wedding day go? or the one who lit up upon being showered with compliments?#what happened to them? to her? how did she sink so low?#she was supposed to be better than this... better than her siblings. she was always better than Zaheer and Aiza#but now she's easily the worst of the free. their betrayal doesn't even compare#she deserves death for what she did. she looks at the bruising on her throat and wonders why it wasn't enough#why he didn't press just a little harder. then at least she wouldn't have to live with the shame#how awful of her to wish for that. she is getting what was coming to her. she did all of that for the shame. it is her punishment#she doesn't get the mercy of dying and escaping the consequences of her actions#she is by no means innocent. what's happening now is simply justice being enacted. she's sure of it#she's alone and ruined and miserable. having driven away everyone who could have possibly cared for her. not that anyone did#perhaps it's better that way. maybe then no one else will look at her and realise just how different she looks from her younger self#she wasn't happy back then either but she was content. she was taking the first step towarcs the perfect life she was promised#now that very save perfect life is crashing and burning all around her. perhaps it was inevitable. it was always going to end this way#(sleepy tags so I apologise if they make no sense whatsoever or are just rehashes of stuff I've said before. I'm tired. gonna go to bed now)#oh. before I forget though:#injury tw#bruises tw
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babygirl
#feels like such a 13 thesis statement#'more than anything'#feels like i could open any episode any scene right now and find that sentiment#more than anything but she wont say that#what if she said it though#what if she said everything#what if she (and yaz) werent defined by restraint#what if she swung the other way#equally earnest but overdesperate#scrambling#seeing abandonment looming Everywhere#not coldly disdainful but hopeless in confrontations with evil#not having to be begged by the only person she'd indulge in that way to be asked why he did this#asking anyone anywhere all the time. why would you DO this#why do you do this#hdfkghjgk once again starting a 'what if' an dthen realising actually thats not a what if tahts just there i think hfgkjghjgh#but still#what if she were just such a wet cat poor little meow meow#consistency of goop
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It's always a bit heartbreaking when you find that your authentic, unmasked self isn't as palatable to others compared to your masked persona, especially when it's friends and loved ones that assured you that they enjoy and love you as you are.
#cherry rambles#adhd things#nd things#neurodivergency#just stuck in my head a bit too far#i know i can be a lot at times#i wouldnt expect anyone to enjoy every part of myself all the time#its normal to get annoyed by things or be irked#you dont have to like 100% of someone thats unrealistic tbh#but the specific realisation that people enjoy your masked self more than your unmasked self#esp for me who struggles with social cues and social norms bc i am in general a very chaotic and outspoken person#i ALWAYS “warn” people the kind of person i /could/ be outside my mask#for those i start to get closer to#they always say “its ok you can be yourself around me dont hold back”#and then i try unmasking and its Too Much for them#and i get it#i know im a lot#but being told its a safe space to unmask but then seeing them kinda regret it#kinda hurts a lot#like i told you in advance the kind of person i can be#i understand not everything is “palatable”#but to then see people i thought of as close friends start to distance themselves after i start unmasking hurts#like it proves a point in the worst way#that people cant tolerate my unmasked self#they can only “tolerate” me in “small doses”#which of course makes me less willing to unmask in the future#aflahdoab head thoughts are being terrible rn
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I've had a stupid merlin au idea stuck in my head for days now and I know I'll never get around to writing it the way I want it written but I kinda wanna try anyway even though I am 100% of the target audience
#it's an f1 au btw#so I feel like a merlin x f1 crossovee is very niche#but I just have this idea in my head pf arthur as a driver and merlin as an aerodynamics engineer#and arthur starts off as an ass (as per usual) and thinks that he's god's gift to motorsports and all his good results are because of his#skill and bad results are because the engineers fucked up bad#and lowkey people don't like working with him BUT uther is giving red bull absolute mega bucks to keep him and he is actually a fantastic#driver in his own right. deep down he's not super satisfied though because people keep saying he's only winning because of his car#and his dad's money which is why he's a grumpy ass to most people and tries to claim good races as his and blame engineers for bad ones#also because uther probably taught him that attitude#in this au I think either Newey didn't exist but rb dominance still did or this is far enough after Newey that I haven't got arthur blaming#him for a bad car because y'all I can't do that it's too unrealistic no one would believe it#(yes I am aware that max and checo are currently complaining about a car newey made but shh)#anyway he secretly goes to sign for like. williams or something who currently suck so he can prove to himself and everyone else that he IS#a good driver and can drive a shit car well. he's admittedly doing fairly well in a tractor when merlin joins the team as the new head#of aerodynamics and arthur is giving him shit because he's so young and how could he possibly fix this shitbox#then Merlin's first big upgrade packages comes and makes a pretty big difference and arthur has to rethink a bit#the next season is the first car that merlin was actually mostly in charge of and it's a massive difference and suddenly it's competitive#meanwhile merlin's pov is that arthur sucks ass and he hates him but he keeps being told that arthur is his destiny#he refuses to believe this though and even though he has magic he point blank refuses to use it on anything that would help arthur even#somewhat indirectly like using it to help design the car. his official reasoning to people who know about his magic is that the fia wouldn't#allow it but personally he also just wants to say a fuck you to fate because he doesn't like arthur. but then they get to know each other#more and he realises that maybe arthur isn't that bad and they become friends like in the show#arthur is leading the championship (pendragon dominance could bore fans) but then he has a big crash and is out for a couple of races#by all accounts it's a miracle he's even alive (it's the only time merlin has used his magic for arthur). when he comes back he still has a#chance at wdc but it's way tighter than it was. maybe there's only a few races to go. he gets some podiums and his competition has some bad#luck (genuine not merlin) or something but then at like the second last race he can guarantee wdc if he wins regardless of where anyone else#places. he does it and merlin is the one to go on the podium with him on behalf of the team (maybe not for winning wdc but just his first#win after the crash idk) and it's this big emptional moment#also morgana was as good as arthur as kids but uther only supported arthur so now she works for sky or someone in a role like nico rosberg
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well at least the terrible fear of being to needy and attention seeking keeps me in check. at least i got that going for me. coolio baboolio.
#the Thoughts are Back with a Strong Strong Vengeance but really. who has the time to act on them.#hurgh! :)#blabbering#im just. floating through life rn taking on more and more roles and responsibilities hoping in the end any of them makes me feel#loved but at the same time refusing any positive feedback i get on them on grounds of feeling like i havent earned it and im so so tired#contemplating the logistics of going Missing on my drive home on friday but ngl i think itd take my best friend at least like. two days.#till they realise i didnt pick up my key. and then maybe another two days before they act in any way other than messaging me a question mark#which would leave my Kitties starving and unhappy. which Bad.#man i thought this week would be Good And Fun and instead its just making everything worse and i hate it#im trying so hard to be outgoing and fun and likeable and i still feel like i have not made a genuine connection to anyone#this is such a non issue this is such a self focused dumb as hell point of view!!! but!!!!!! whateverrrrr what ev e rrrrr im allowed to feel#i just wish i could feel anything other than superfluous. would be banger actually. would be grant.
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Well you HAVE to be delusional to be a lestappie, I mean you have to be delusional to even like max lol but yeah, to be a lestappie you have to be delusional bc they literally spend no time together willingly, max is just delusional and Charles is polite
so true anon 🙏
#asks & answers#anon#anti lestappen#'max is just delusional and charles is polite' might be my new favourite thing someone has said LMAOOO#LITERALLY SO TRUEEEEE TOO#like if you bother to watch any of charles' interactions with ANYONE he actually likes...#you'll see so quickly that he's just being polite to a coworker#they might not hate each other but they sure aren't friends#you really DO have to be delusional to see more to it than that...#but then again like you said; you have to be delusional to like max in the first place#i feel like a lot of max/lestappen fans really feel like fic!max is exactly what he's like irl#and i don't know how to say it any more clearly than OH GOD HE'S NOT#fic!max is the most idealised and likeable (and; yknow; non-racist) version of who max verstappen could possibly be#the reality is NOT that#and i think a lot of people need to snap out of it and realise that#it's that whole thing of ''yeah im delusional about my drivers but at least im not THAT delusional'' y'know?#ALSO!! so sorry for only answering these now... yesterday got unexpectedly super hectic 🙈#but one of my favourite weekend activities is being a hater on tumblr dot com 🤭🤭 so cheers anon!!#ilyyyy and hope you're having a great saturday!
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I only come on tumblr when I'm at the very end of my rope and barely hanging on by a quickly disintegrating thread and I don't know what that tells you about me
#boygenius#lah posting#I took the drugs again#I'm worse but better#I will not stagnate#i have therapy tomorrow#it's gonna be another one of those times when I spend the whole time crying#I don't have anyone anymore that i can rely on to hold space for me when I cry#i can hold space for my own emotions now thank you very much#i'm extremely proud of that fact because six months ago that hill felt absolutely insurmountable#but it really helps when there's occasionally someone else to help with that#sorrow shared is half the sorrow and joy shared is double joy#and all that#but i'm really scared for how this is going to end#i'm in really fucking deep at this point#and it's only getting deeper#i don't want to lose my person or the farm or our plans for the future#but it can't go on like this#no matter what i do#and i can't make him realise and i can't do it for him#but i'm afraid that instead of facing the music and turning shit around he's going to choose a much worse way of dealing with things#If this ends i don't think i could ever date again#i know that's dramatic but i'm being very serious about this#i keep thinking i'm dating someone completely different each time but then every time without fail after a year or two#they get into a deep funk and can't seem to do anything but stew and complain and be mean and ruin any chance of being in a good mood#every single time to the point where i wonder if that's just what happens to people who date me#and i can't stand it because while i'm far from toxic positivity i take pride in choosing to not behave like that when things dont go my wa#but i can't risk letting this keep happening again. I genuinely think i can now be happier loving myself than i'd ever be trusting romance.#I've come so far in my healing and I can't keep letting people derail me who have no idea how to self-regulate or have self-compassion#I'm getting sick again. I can feel it happening in my body
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