#till they realise i didnt pick up my key. and then maybe another two days before they act in any way other than messaging me a question mark
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well at least the terrible fear of being to needy and attention seeking keeps me in check. at least i got that going for me. coolio baboolio.
#the Thoughts are Back with a Strong Strong Vengeance but really. who has the time to act on them.#hurgh! :)#blabbering#im just. floating through life rn taking on more and more roles and responsibilities hoping in the end any of them makes me feel#loved but at the same time refusing any positive feedback i get on them on grounds of feeling like i havent earned it and im so so tired#contemplating the logistics of going Missing on my drive home on friday but ngl i think itd take my best friend at least like. two days.#till they realise i didnt pick up my key. and then maybe another two days before they act in any way other than messaging me a question mark#which would leave my Kitties starving and unhappy. which Bad.#man i thought this week would be Good And Fun and instead its just making everything worse and i hate it#im trying so hard to be outgoing and fun and likeable and i still feel like i have not made a genuine connection to anyone#this is such a non issue this is such a self focused dumb as hell point of view!!! but!!!!!! whateverrrrr what ev e rrrrr im allowed to feel#i just wish i could feel anything other than superfluous. would be banger actually. would be grant.
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