#-supposed to support his growth as much as possible. not like she needs her title for that anyway she does want him to become a good person

[spotsupstuff]

Only 25% processing power dedicated to sparrows? Thats nothing! *dedicates 87% of my processing power to sparrows*

25% of an Iterator processing power has to be an equivalent to like. three or four NASA centrums combined or smth i do not know processing powers but it has to be insanely much..

n then they make some sort of plans for the night that appeal to Euros Very Much and suddenly all processing power he can spare goes to it for the whole day till the plan happens

[hamsterboos]

here's a fact. hating someone is exhausting. [part 1]

I had started working on this back in September for Rowaelin Month 2021, but I have reworked it into a full length 10.6k story split into 4 parts! This is based off the prompt: "You’re my work rival and we’re stuck in an elevator" and it's a Hating Game AU. Since everything is written already, I'll post the 3 over the next two weeks.

I'm tagging a few people that showed interest in the original so please let me know if you would like me to not tag you!! (and if someone comes across this and wants me to tag them!)

Word Count: 2534 Content warning: explicit language Read on AO3

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

~~~~~~

It was a race, and they were tied for first place.

Then again, there weren’t any other competitors besides the two of them.

Aelin glanced at the clock and silently cursed, realizing that there wasn’t much time left until the working day was done. She desperately needed to finish this data analysis report for her boss to look over first thing Monday morning. The only caveat to this was that Rowan Whitethorn was also there until the last possible minute, finishing his analysis report on a different department’s data collection.

If he weren’t sitting directly across from her and constantly in her direct line of sight, it wouldn’t have been such a problem, but when she looked up to see his annoyingly handsome face with his gorgeous green eyes and infuriatingly beautiful tattoo creeping out of his shirt’s collar, Aelin was just pissed off that he was such a dick. 

Yes, she wanted to lick the black swirls that were only seen when he opened the top two or three buttons of his button-up shirt — usually towards the end of the working day—, but he was still a dick. 

Ever since Rowan had joined the company, his insane work ethic (that rivaled hers, honestly) and the fact that he had also begun to compete with her for the same CCO promotion had Aelin understandably frustrated, and it seemed that Rowan was frustrated as well. 

In her defense, she was trying to be nice on his first day working at their support-based tech company, and instead, he had taken one look at the Starbucks coffee that she had left on his desk across from hers and thrown it out . Immediately he was an asshole in Aelin’s eyes because who the fuck throws out free Starbucks? That shit was expensive.

And then Rowan had the audacity to look at her position title and compare it to the work she was doing. She was doing everything from organizing meetings between team leads, collecting and compiling monthly, quarterly, and yearly reports from the different departments, and constantly working on business strategies. On top of that, she literally was the CEO’s assistant, updating her planner, taking calls, and doing all her documentation. Rowan saw the disconnect and immediately assumed that she wasn’t qualified for her job.

Why would you join a tech company without knowing anything about tech?

She knew she was more qualified than the work she was doing for Manon Blackbeak, the CEO of the company, but what the fuck was she supposed to do? Quit the job that she had been at for the last seven years of her life? She gave her entire heart and soul to helping build the company up from nothing but a group of twenty employees to a company that now had over one hundred employees. Aelin had been interning as the original assistant’s assistant, and when he left, she joined on as Manon’s assistant. 

The growth of the company was why Rowan, someone who had a master’s in something with data compared to hers in business analytics, was required. They needed someone to be able to compile the huge amount of data that Aelin simply couldn’t. The growth also brought about the CCO position. And that was why she desperately wanted promotion — besides the fact that she'd be his boss.

However, despite the trash that Rowan had proven himself to be by blocking himself off with those stupid walls and stupid remarks, Aelin was nothing but professional, so she never acted on her annoyance with him until the small passive-aggressive and sarcastic comments shared between them turned the silent feud not-so-silent. Soon enough, the entire office knew that Aelin Galathynius and Rowan Whitethorn hated each other and could not work together.

Of course, that just forced their boss to work together often on data analysis projects, but they got their shit done. Somehow.

And now here they were, both working till the last possible second of the working day to show off their dedication to their jobs in order to somehow get the upper hand compared to the other. Everyone else had slowly begun to leave already, the office emptying out early especially with it being a Friday afternoon(even their boss had left), but this was an important report. With being promoted to the position of chief communications officer, that would mean that they were the other’s boss, and Aelin wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle Rowan as her boss. She liked her job; she enjoyed working with the numbers and making graphs and analyzing these numbers, but she also knew that he would somehow make her working life hell.

Besides, it wasn’t like Rowan probably wanted to be working here, anyway. He was probably rebelling against his rich family, trying to do something that they would hate to see

Her fingers flew across the keyboard, and with every glance at the clock and at Rowan, her fingers slowly began to cramp as she desperately tried to get that last sentence in so she could proofread it over quickly. She stretched her neck, pulling her head down slightly at each side to make sure she felt that pain as she pulled at the muscles. 

Damn it, she needed a massage. Or just some really good sex. Either would work but the massage seemed more likely now.

“How are you still writing, Aelin Galathynius?” she heard Rowan taunt, and she rolled her eyes as she finished typing out her last thought. “You seem to be losing your touch.”

“Screw off, Rowan Whitethorn,” she growled, hitting enter and then saving the document — four times but who’s counting — before turning to look at his smug face. She interlaced her hands and set them down flat on her desk in front of the keyboard. “Maybe you finished earlier because you didn’t have nearly as much detail as I do. It’s always quality over how fast something can get done, anyway.”

Rowan raised an eyebrow, and she wanted to punch him. It would ruin his pretty face, but it would feel really fucking good. 

“Hmm, that wouldn’t make a difference if Manon can’t look at the document Monday morning, now, would it?”

“Who said anything about her not having it done by Monday morning?” she asked, her eyes scanning the document over for any typos and coherency issues. 

“Such arrogance.”

Her eyes flickered back up to him, and she sent him a saccharine smile. “It’s called confidence, Rowan. Maybe you’d attract more girls if you had any of that,” she replied sweetly. It was a blatant lie, though. He had enough confidence in himself that she was attracted to him. Not that she’d ever, ever, make that obvious to him.

“Not like you go out on many dates either,” he countered. 

Aelin saved the file yet again after another read through, and she sent it to the printer, and she stood up, walking to the printer. Rowan stood and followed her.

She leaned against the whirring printer as she watched the pages come out on the tray. “How do you know I don’t have one tonight?” 

“I think you’d be bragging about it much more if you did,” Rowan answered, mirroring her stance against the empty wall space next to the printer.

Aelin tilted her head as she ran her eyes over him. It was unfair how hot he looked in a white button-up collared shirt, with the sleeves rolled up, and gray slacks, but it wasn’t like she was unaware that she looked hot today as well. It was a navy long sleeved dress with a gold belt cinching around her waist and a V-neck that went deep enough to barely be considered professional. She’d caught Rowan staring at the swell of her breasts that peaked out more than once throughout the day, and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t make her feel incredibly good that he wanted her. 

It was only right considering how many sex dreams she’d had with him being the main face that appeared. 

“I don’t need to brag about my dates,” she said, turning to pick up her papers and stapling them. “I think my clothes are enough of an indication.”

Aelin saw his eyes roam over her yet again, lingering on the V-neck, before snapping back to her face. “I suppose so. I’ve seen you look like a nun, so this is definitely something special.”

“Aw,” she cooed as he came to stand right in front of her. “You like it. Now, if you’d kindly get out of my way, I have something to submit before I leave.”

He took a single step to the left, and she walked by him, her arm brushing his, and she went into Manon’s office to leave her report on her desk. Rowan followed in a minute later with his own report, and he walked out first. 

The two of them began cleaning up their desks for the weekend, and she put on a new layer of her lipstick. The entire day had caused the color to fade a bit, and she wasn’t lying when she had a date. She looked down at her watch and walked over to the elevator, aware that Rowan was walking mere steps behind her, and Aelin swore she could feel the heat emanating from his body. 

She wanted to wrap herself up in it, and she was a dumbass for even thinking that. Her body was a traitorous bitch.

Waiting for the elevator took a bit, and Rowan waited with her the entire time, silently standing next to her. The elevator dinged, announcing its arrival, and they both got on, still in utter silence until there was a loud clanging sound as the elevator jerked only a floor down from where they had gotten on. Aelin lost her balance as she let out a cry of surprise, tumbling into Rowan’s side. She heard Rowan curse before he grabbed onto her waist to steady her with the other hand braced on the side of the elevator, and the lights within had turned off before turning to a soft blinking red.

“What’s going on?” she asked, pushing herself away from him, ignoring the thoughts of how good the weight of his arm around her body had felt. Rowan moved to press a button on the elevator before they both realized that the building had lost power, effectively trapping them in the elevator.

“Shit,” he cursed again, “we’re stuck.” 

Aelin pressed the emergency speaking button, “Hello? Is anyone there? We’re stuck in the elevator.”

The speaker crackled to life immediately afterwards, with someone asking if they were okay and how many people were in the elevator before saying that the firefighters were on their way, but it would take at least half an hour.

“Well, this is fantastic,” Aelin sighed, leaning against the wall. 

“Too bad you’re missing out on your date,” Rowan said. 

“Yeah, well at least you get to grace yourself in my presence for a bit longer.”

“As if I need more of you in my life.”

Aelin scoffed. “People could always use more of me in their lives. You wouldn’t be having nearly as much fun at work without me.”

“Without you? You can’t deal with half the tech problems we get if it weren’t for me. How did you even get anything done without me?”

“Perfectly fine, Rowan, trust me.” In their heated conversation, she hadn’t realized when she’d moved away from the wall and instead was so close to Rowan that she could feel his body heat. His hand snaked around her waist and pulled her snug against his body, and her hands landed on his firm chest.

“I don’t believe you,” he whispered.

Aelin smiled, “I don’t care.”

She wasn’t sure if she had moved first or he had, but the next thing she knew, her arms were around his neck and both his hands were on her waist as their lips moved in tandem. 

He was intoxicating as his lips devoured hers, and her brain spun as her body heated up in his hold. 

Holy fucking shit, Rowan was an amazing kisser.

She leaned up on her toes to get better access to his lips, and he leaned down even further. She couldn’t breathe, but she didn’t care. Who needed air when he was kissing her like that ? It wasn’t possible for her to want to keep doing this with a man she hated, but her body didn’t care about that. Her body wanted Rowan’s hands all over her. Her body wanted him to slam her against the wall, hard enough that all she could feel was his body against hers. 

He must’ve read her thoughts somehow because mere seconds later, he shoved her up against the wall of the elevator, the railing biting into her back, and she let out a gasp against his lips. He took advantage of her open mouth to push his tongue into her mouth, licking and sucking and biting. Aelin’s head was spinning, and she just pushed herself closer to him, hands going from his neck to his hair, tugging and scratching at his scalp for more, more, more . Her breasts were pressed up against his chest, and she felt his hands starting to creep up from her waist to press against the skin that was exposed by her dress.

Unable to breath, Aelin broke away from him and let her head fall back as Rowan started leaving open-mouthed kisses against her neck.

“What are we doing?” she spoke around her moans as he sucked at her pulse point. 

“I don’t know,” he hissed, shoving a knee between her legs the best he could with her dress in the way. 

Fortunately (or unfortunately), the shock of the added pressure just in the right spot caused her brain to restart, and Aelin pushed away from him, her chest heaving as she tried to calm her breathing. Rowan’s hair was messy beyond belief, and she didn’t even remember doing that. Aelin bit her bottom lip as her eyes focused on his swollen red lips, and she resisted the urge to capture those lips for another searing kiss. 

As the two looked at each other in silence, there wasn’t anything for them to say. She knew Rowan felt the same as she did. This was a mistake. An insanely amazing mistake, but a mistake regardless.

“This was a one-time thing,” she breathed, and he nodded, his eyes still burning into her, making her feel uncomfortably warm. She tried to pat down her hair, but her hands were shaking. The fire that had been ignited in her lower stomach wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and she was seriously considering a one-night stand instead of the massage. 

Just as she was about to do something stupid, like ask him to have sex with her once , the elevator jerked slightly yet again as the speaker turned on again. “Good news, the power’s back, so everything’s fine. 

“Great, thanks,” Rowan responded, his voice husky and low, and once they had arrived at the ground floor, Aelin resisted the urge to grab him again.

That could not happen again.

~~~

@morganofthewildfire @fireheartwhitethorn4ever @story-scribbler @swankii-art-teacher @larisssss @thegreyj @vasudharaghavan @aelinchocolatelover @tomtenadia @live-the-fangirl-life

[daydreamreality]

Their is such a stark contrast to how Emily and Richard regard Lorelai in the first episode to how they welcome Christopher in this episode. It's so uncomfortable yet fascinating to watch, I'm glued to watching how Lorelai is taking this all in.

First episode is so cold and stilted, they automatically assume she's there for money (which fair, she was) but no love, not a smidge of happiness that she’s there, not even a genuine "how have you been," just Emily seizing the opportunity to get them in her orbit under contract. Whereas with Chris, Richard is [comically!] lapping on the praise and Emily is so hospitable, it's so so obvious how they just completely dismiss their daughter in the name of "what is proper". It's so sad and informs so much about her character. Acting unreasonable and immature around her parents makes sense when her whole life she's been put down, ignored, and controlled by these people who are supposed to unconditionally love her and support her growth into being the best possible person she can be. When her only way of gaining control is to make jokes and off-color comments, cut them out, or blow up, why wouldn't she use those tools? There's no room for healthy communication in their relationship, anything she says will be used against her or spun into favoring the other party. Why keep trying? (The sad part is she does because Emily gives out morsels of vulnerability and care. That optimism in Lorelai sees that, knows things could be better, so she just keeps trying and trying and trying...)

Poor sweet Rory curtsying at the Haydens. My awkward little darling is trying so hard to blend in. And Lorelai putting the heat right back on herself to save her. I'm awarding Straub the worst character title. 🏆🗑

Poor poor Lorelai sincerely thanking her dad for standing up for her for probably the first time, and having that thrown in her face. And yet, Lorelai shows empathy for her father, knowing that this obsession with pride and "what is right" in his eyes limits his ability to be truly happy. (I didn't sense she was trying to be dismissive with that "I feel sorry for you," comment. Like yeah, I kind of feel sorry too, what kind of life is that?)

"You don't need to be protected, Lorelai." <- no wonder she's ultra-independent to her detriment. Fuck Richard for this moment. Let your daughter have a moment and reflect on your motivations on your own time, and I don't know. Maybe, just maybe make some changes. Change your approach to how you see yourself, your daughter, and your pride. But that'll never happen and that's the tragedy of this show.

[aiyexayen]

re: that "I'll live for you post" - WHERE'S THE ESSAY

this post? [innocent face]

alright, alright, JUST TWIST MY ARM WHY DON'T YOU, just force me to talk more about my boys!

4.9k word essay under the cut

Wei Wuxian

Let us take a look at Wei Wuxian first. Wei Wuxian has no problems throwing himself in-between the people he loves and danger, or even certain death. Hell, sometimes he just throws himself into it for fun and profit!

To some extent, putting yourself in danger to help others and being willing to die is something of a cultivator thing in general, a hero thing in general, right? And Wei Wuxian is a prodigy, exceptionally strong and clever, so he has more reason than most to be a little cavalier. But most of the point of training so hard as a cultivator and getting strong and aligning yourself with a sect is kind of so you can be in real danger of dying as little as possible, one would presume.

So we're going to set aside the danger-as-a-profession thing for now, because I think it's only tangentially related.

The real point is, Wei Wuxian is sacrificial to a fault. If there is a problem, he decides he's the one who needs to fix it. And his first go-to solution is to throw himself at it, to give up anything of himself if it's viable. As clever as he is, if he finds a workable solution that involves his own sacrifice, he doesn't stop to look for anything else.

Some of it is pride--not wanting to admit he needs help from anyone else, and the shame of being seen as weak.

Some of it is arrogance--a very natural kind given his competence, the presumption that he knows best in a given situation (neurodivergent arrogance walking hand-in-hand with self-esteem issues is always a fun time).

Some of it is appropriate--ranging from his own moral imperative to protect the weak and do what's right to his understanding of his place in culture and in his own sect and relationships.

Some of it is a natural bent toward caretaking, "fixing," and heroics--someone has to do it, so it's going to be Wei Wuxian. He won't hesitate to take initiative in any other area of life, and this is no exception.

And some of it, yes, is a lack of value placed in his own life--between a more youthful, dramatic perspective on 'I would die for you/for this cause' taking priority in his worldview, and some genuine self-esteem issues. Issues largely stemming from his uncertain place in the world growing up and his uncertain relationship with parental/guardian/master and other familial figures, all stewing under the surface and brought to light sharply when the world went to shit and choices were made and he lost or seemed to have lost everything from his reputation to his home to his extant support structures. The paranoia and voices in his head (the ptsd and resentful-energy-as-ptsd-metaphor both) only drove that home.

Basically, Wei Wuxian was already trending in some unfortunate directions but his circumstances and the people surrounding him kept him grounded, and the events of the story as it unfolded really pushed him all in. No one thing or one person--even Wei Wuxian himself--is really to blame for that, which is the beauty of the story really.

I also think Wei Wuxian started to buy into some of his own stories at his lowest points--the things he said or came up with, lies he told publicly, justifications he made for his choices once the heat of the moment and the panic was over. Justifications he made to himself and to others. He purposefully led people to believe much that was incorrect about him and his character and his status, to which the response was distaste and horror, and even though he planned it that way in order to push everyone away I really think he started to believe it himself. Depression and trauma are just really fun times.

I'm getting a bit off-topic.

The point remains, Wei Wuxian is extremely sacrificial. He comes by much of it naturally, and not nearly all of it is bad or melodrama or angst or even unhealthy or problematic. It's one of his good qualities, too, and it's one of the ways he knows how to love.

All of the threads weaving together to make Wei Wuxian and the situations he finds himself sacrificing things in are all true, but it also really comes down to love. He loved Jiang Cheng enough to sacrifice his everything and risk his life doing so. He loved his sect enough he was willing to sacrifice his right hand. He loved his sect enough to sacrifice his very ties to it. He loved Lan Zhan enough to sacrifice their friendship. He loved Jin Ling enough to sacrifice himself to the curse he got in the Nie tombs. (And more!)

Wei Wuxian loved, and so he sacrificed. Thus, the initial post.

Jiang Cheng

Let's switch gears for a moment and talk about my darling Jiang Wanyin.

Ah, Jiang Cheng, Jiang Cheng. Taking the initiative and sacrificing at the drop of a hat and so forth are not really characteristics of Jiang Cheng's the same way they are for Wei Wuxian.

And yet, is he not also a disciple of Yunmeng Jiang; is he not also a young hero? Has he not pride, and the incentive to do good?

Does he not also see love as sacrifice?

Zi Zhizhu was his mother. The woman who sacrificed to get Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian to safety. The woman who killed herself and crawled across the ground to hold her husband's hand in death.

You think she wasn't Like That the whole time? You think Jiang Cheng picked up nothing of such behaviours from her, even before that day?

Hah.

Besides which, there's absolutely an underlying theme of Jiang Cheng trying to be like Wei Wuxian for much of their lives.

Partially just...Wei Wuxian, strong and clever and popular shige, always manages to get credit and glory and good stories and good favour, exemplary of the Jiang motto--the one Jiang Cheng's own name is tied to. They were supposed to be shuangjie, besides. How could he not want to be like him at least a bit? If nothing else, it's a little brother's curse.

And partially this is also due to Jiang Cheng's parents and that whole Situation.

It was complicated for so many reasons, and absolutely left Jiang Cheng feeling inferior to Wei Wuxian. As though he needed to be more like Wei Wuxian, to emulate him, in order to be worthy of his title and station and inheritance, something that turned out to be categorically untrue in the end. There are many kinds of leaders, and many kinds of strengths.

As an aside, I personally think that's something Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan knew, themselves, as adults and leaders and political figures in their own rights. Adults often don't realise or think about how the things they say can influence children's entire worldviews and senses of self (why, no, I don't speak from experience, why would you ask such a thing ahaha).

Jiang-zongzhu and Zi Zhizhu got a lot of their own relationship difficulties and misunderstandings and conflicts and conflicting attempts to want the best for their children (and ward) tangled up in everything. I think if they'd ever been able to speak plainly, if they could manifest into the Ancestral Hall and speak to Jiang Cheng, they would say so.

Just as Jiang Cheng would have cause to be horrified by much of what Wei Wuxian believed about himself, I think Jiang Cheng's parents would have cause to be horrified by much of what Jiang Cheng believed. (I mean, and Wei Wuxian, probably.)

Anyway.

Jiang Cheng has plenty of reasons to aspire to those same ideals of sacrifice. And it's not just aspirations, either--we see him follow through.

He walked outside from that inn, saw Wei Wuxian in danger, and made a decision in the space of a single breath--a decision with full understanding, too. He knew he was giving up his entire life for Wei Wuxian's. He said goodbye in his head.

I would argue (and I'm sure I've said this before somewhere too) that his sacrifice was the purest example of this in the entire story.

Perhaps some of it is that many of Wei Wuxian's sacrifices are premeditated and just about all of them have alternative solutions that don't involve him just diving in and giving pieces of himself up.

That isn't to say that Wei Wuxian wouldn't see a sword aimed at Jiang Cheng and take the blow himself. But we never see him do that, exactly. As much as Jiang Cheng has internalised this ideal of Wei Wuxian's, he both encounters fewer of these situations and has other problem-solving tactics in his repertoire.

The way Jiang Cheng hates himself doesn't lead him to think of himself as disposable. I could get into a (very amateur) discussion of negative schemas formed in childhood and their various similarities and differences, and the different ways Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian's brains appear to work (Jiang Cheng sees himself as inferior, while Wei Wuxian willfully dehumanises himself in other ways), but basically, it's simply a different set of psychological issues.

But! When he is faced with the choice, Jiang Cheng absolutely dies for the ones he loves.

He loves his sect and his family, and he internalises love as sacrifice, and when it comes down to an extreme moment he chooses to die for them.

And then he doesn't die.

And then the war happens.

Jiang Cheng's Growth

There are a lot of reasons for Jiang Cheng to grow in this area, and I think it starts with inheriting the sect.

(This leads to excellent thoughts about What If Wei Wuxian Had Somehow Become Sect Leader but that's an au for another day.)

If sect heir was a position full of responsibility and reputation management, how much more so is zongzhu? Jiang Cheng is suddenly responsible for all these people. Whether he's good enough or not doesn't even matter. The job is there and it's inescapable and he's the only one there to do it.

I'm absolutely sure he still has all kinds of inferiority shit he's dealing with by post-timeskip and he only just gets to touch on some pieces of resolution by the end of the story, with the one person still in the world who would even know anything about the life that gave it to him.

Jiang Cheng has been responsible for people before, in small ways--night hunts and such, I'm sure, and he was certainly in charge of the Yunmeng Jiang disciples who went to Cloud Recesses. But being at the top of that hierarchy entirely is such a different matter, and he did so at a very young age and in a very fraught time.

The fact that he had to deal with all this new responsibility and duty to people more than his family and to causes greater than the first people in need he encounters is a huge perspective shift. Especially as a sect with nothing to give and no wiggle room where it comes not only to basic resources post-war, but to things like reputation and political standing. This is, of course, a huge facet to the conflict between him and Wei Wuxian (and the Wen remnants) at that point in the story.

But on a personal level it also speaks to the sacrifice thing. If Jiang Cheng sacrifices his life, he is not just sacrificing his own life anymore.

When he gave up his life for Wei Wuxian, he had not yet inherited. His parents were only barely gone. There was nothing to inherit. There was no surety of there ever being something to inherit ever again. Everything else was already gone. It was only the three of them, barely surviving, running for their lives. It was only him and Wei Wuxian in a street, and one of them had to die.

But once he inherits? He's a commander. He's a leader. He has all the knowledge and all the networking connections. He has the reputation. He has the social standing. He might still have a long way to go in developing his skills, but he has a natural leadership ability and he does have training appropriate to his station.

What happens if he personally sacrifices his life? What happens to all of that? What happens to everyone depending on him?

That's not very satisfying, very epic-worthy. That's not very dramatic or romantic. It's gradual, and messy, that kind of change and realisation. Becoming that kind of person. Making choices based in that reality. Deciding that you do not belong to yourself.

And I think it really comes to a head when his siblings die.

I think it comes to a head personally. Not just in his role as Jiang-zongzhu. We don't see Jiang Cheng choose not to die, in as many words. But we certainly see him choose to live.

Or, perhaps, we see the evidence of that choice.

Jiang Cheng could have faded away. He could have started delegating all his responsibilities, gotten help from other sects, trained up a replacement. He could have made such things necessary by getting more and more reclusive. He could have pulled a Qingheng-Jun.

Hell, with a-jie gone already, he could have just said fuck this and followed Wei Wuxian off that cliff, and if you don't think he wonders about that sometimes--at least at first--then we have very different interpretations of Jiang Cheng as a person.

And no, none of those are sacrifice. But at some point, he still chose to do the opposite.

He chose every day to live for his sect, to keep growing it into something powerful and secure. He took that vow that he made and he fucking stuck to it.

And he chose to live for Jin Ling.

I don't half wonder if that was a bigger driving force at first than anything else.

Jiang Cheng could absolutely have left Jin Ling to be raised by his Jin family in the absence of his parents and fucked off to hide away in Yunmeng and had nothing to do with him. He could have done a lot of things, let himself develop in a lot of ways, unhealthy ways.

But he so very clearly did not.

Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng have a close relationship. Jin Ling defers to Jiang Cheng, is answerable to him on night hunts and beyond them. It's never questioned why he's basically just in the Yunmeng Jiang party by himself. Yunmeng Jiang disciples answer to Jin Ling in turn, follow his orders without question in the absence of their zongzhu. It's a Yunmeng Jiang disciple who hands Xianzi off to Jin Ling outside the Guanyin Temple in Yunping, and Jiang Cheng is intimately familiar with Xianzi's commands and is apparently a trusted person to give them (which, we find out, Jin Guangyao is not.)

As much as Jiang Cheng is not good at saying what he means, and especially after everything he's been through his softer bits have grown harder and harder carapace around them, Jin Ling never seems to misunderstand what Jiang Cheng means. They snipe at each other and snark and bitch and roll their eyes and so clearly love each other.

Jiang Cheng's love for Jin Ling shines brightly the second you know how to interpret Jiang Cheng, and Jin Ling absolutely does. Jin Ling's trust in Jiang Cheng is incredible.

Jin Ling is practically Yunmeng Jiang's heir, and practically Jiang Cheng's son.

That sort of thing doesn't just happen, because you're related or whatever. In fact, the story goes out of its way to present blood relations not being close, especially father figures.

Which means from a young age, Jin Ling knew Jiang Cheng's love. Jiang Cheng, struggling young zongzhu of a struggling newly-rebuilt sect, who just lost everything, barely more than a kid himself, figured out he needed to not only stay alive, but needed to live for Jin Ling.

He needed to teach him everything, needed to figure out how to be the best of his own father and mother, and the best of Jin Ling's father and mother, and live up to every lost bit of love Jin Ling should have had, and try, and try, no matter how unworthy or unfit or inferior he felt. No matter how much he fucked up and didn't know. No matter how much grief he was dealing with. No matter how many people hated him and how few friends he had. No matter how much there was to do. No matter how overwhelming the endless tide of days, of forever in front of him felt, horrible and empty of everyone that had come before. Jiang Cheng still chose to live.

He carved out that new life because of love. He didn't die for anyone, and he didn't die for anyone's memory. He lived.

"I never thought I'd be worth the work it would take to piece myself together," but he did, for his sect, his disciples, his family's legacy, his siblings' memories, and Jin Ling.

And, as a bonus knife, the things we see him chide Jin Ling the most for? Are specifically things Wei Wuxian would have done, and even things he would have done in following him. Grandstanding, not asking for help when needed, wandering off alone, making unnecessary sacrifices.

Wei Wuxian's Growth

That brings us to Wei Wuxian coming back. And, well, the boy still has a long way to go. He goes through a lot of kinds of growth post-timeskip. And I think this is one of them.

For one, he's already fucking died once.

Honestly, almost ironically, that death wasn't even fully a sacrifice. Perhaps in some ways it was, in some ways he internalised that it was. But regardless, after all his sacrificing, he finally died. And, much like Jiang Cheng's sacrifice, it didn't stick. He woke back up. Albeit 16 years later.

Now, he wasn't keen on dying, or he maybe would have just gone back. But that doesn't mean he'd suddenly decided to live for anyone rather than die for them.

And, indeed, we still see that side of him come back with him in full force. He starts off by deciding he will just live this new life without Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan altogether.

I think, for Wei Wuxian, this matter of sacrifice ends up being tied into a lot of other pieces of his growth--none of it happens independently of each other.

First, he is shown and told that he is wanted. That's the first thing. He cannot simply go on without inconveniencing/endangering/roping anyone else into his shit because his ties to other people don't work in only one direction. He is wanted.

Lan Zhan wants to be at his side, has not forgotten him, and loves him unwaveringly. That is a huge first step, right there at the beginning, when Lan Zhan grabs his hand, and they make eye contact, and by the time Lan Zhan turns to look away Wei Wuxian is grabbing his hand back desperately and that pretty much says everything it needs to right there.

The idea that Wei Wuxian can act at all without having any negative affect on anyone tied to him is something we see even outside the concept of sacrifice--how many times before his death, even before his defection, do we see him say things like "you can insult me, but don't involve the Yunmeng Jiang sect" like. Like. Wei Wuxian please. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

So I think him realising that other people will willingly be tied to him and there's nothing he can do about it, that his actions affect the people who care about him all the time, is something he still has to learn/relearn even after everything that happened leading up to his death. I think, in particular, Wei Wuxian realising that it's not just his mistakes and fuckups that affect people, but his intentional actions, too. Like sacrifices. Even if they're at his own expense. Because people care and that's okay and good.

Lan Zhan drives that home with things like noticing that Wei Wuxian has transferred Jin Ling's curse to his own leg, and then insisting on carrying him.

Lan Zhan notices. Lan Zhan cares. This act of sacrifice does not end with Wei Wuxian suffering. It has cascading effects, even something this small. It is, perhaps, more effective a lesson on a small scale with fewer complexities woven in, than it would be on the larger scale issues he dealt with before his death.

This idea that his sacrifices affect people beyond him is carried through the rest of the story, too, from the way everyone seems to fret about him after the Burial Mounds and Lan Sizhui runs to hold him, down to the fact that he has to answer for how his sacrifice of his golden core to Jiang Cheng affects Jiang Cheng. Both the absence of his own golden core being a catalyst for a lot of other shit, and finding out about the core transfer actually fucking Jiang Cheng up. Which, it turns out, Wei Wuxian kind of knew would happen, he just thought he could get away with not dealing with it if he kept the secret better.

Wei Wuxian can't escape his sacrifices and his actions having an effect on those around him, the ones who care and the ones he cares about, or even the object of his sacrifice, and he really does have to have that hammered home.

He also deals with growth related to his pride and arrogance. He learns how to be weak, he learns how to have alternate forms of strength, he learns how to let others in, and let others stand with him.

Most of this is related to Lan Zhan, and I've already covered it at least somewhat in another meta, but it relates back to this, because those are two driving forces behind his sacrificial nature.

If Wei Wuxian is allowed to be weak, is allowed to hesitate, is allowed to go to others for help, is allowed to look for alternative solutions, that sets a better precedent for cutting down on the habitual self-sacrifice tendencies.

Additionally, he learns that others can and will stand with him in his sacrifices, when they are necessary.

Look at the way he pushes Lan Zhan away on the steps of Jinlintai, but Lan Zhan steps back toward him, and draws his sword, and declares his love before heaven and earth, saying in as many words that Wei Wuxian need not walk his path alone, and they fight together.

And the next time Wei Wuxian goes to sacrifice? In the Burial Mounds? He doesn't even think twice before volunteering Lan Zhan to stand with him. His entire plan revolves around the idea that Lan Zhan will stand with him--without even consulting Lan Zhan--and in doing so, they may be able to prevent Wei Wuxian from actually sacrificing his life.

Already we see him internalising a lot of that growth. He doesn't need to grandstand or prove himself; he doesn't care what everyone there thinks of him, and for the ones he does care about he is secure in their regard for him. He doesn't first attempt to sacrifice himself and be bait to draw the fierce corpses away while everyone including Lan Zhan runs off. He doesn't have to be convinced to accept Lan Zhan as part of his plan. He doesn't have to have Lan Zhan simply stay behind and then deal with the addition of him later.

Compare, if you will, the Xuanwu cave. Wei Wuxian absolutely expected everyone else to leave while he drew its attention, and Lan Zhan staying was not part of his original plan. Yes, later on they attacked the Xuanwu together, but that was different entirely. At first, he was just being bait to get everyone else to safety.

In the Burial Mounds? He's already worked Lan Zhan having his back into his plans.

It's still a sacrifice, but he's come a really long way about it.

So now that we've mitigated some of the sacrificial tendencies, modulated their effects on his choices, we come down to the "live for you instead of die for you" issue.

My positing that Wei Wuxian has reached this point by the end of the story has a lot more to do with having seen the patterns of his growth, watching the way he interacted with Jiang Cheng regarding the issue of the golden core transfer being revealed, watching the way he interacted with Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan in general evolve, and watching him allow himself to have more and more attachments by the end of the story. And getting the overall vibe that living is now important, and there are things to live for in this world now that he's back in it.

However, if I had to narrow it down to one moment to exemplify this, I would point to the moment where he's caught around the neck by Jin Guangyao.

Wei Wuxian absolutely knows that if Lan Zhan sheathes Bichen, they're all fucked. Lan Zhan could easily take everyone here who would fight him, but not if he sheathes his sword and seals his spiritual power. And at this point it's increasingly likely that if they let themselves be captured they're simply not going to make it out alive. None of them. No matter what Jin Guangyao says.

Lan Zhan's best chance for survival and Jin Guangyao's best chance at being brought to justice/captured are one and the same in this moment--Lan Zhan keeping his sword, and either taking Jin Guangyao down himself or escaping to go fetch the assembled sect leaders and such at Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian knows this. It's why he begs Lan Zhan to be okay with his death and to do this Right Thing anyway.

Lan Zhan is not, and does not.

I don't think Wei Wuxian is surprised by this, to be fair.

But he could have ensured it would happen. He could have ensured that Jin Guangyao would go down. He could have ensured, more importantly, that Lan Zhan lived. He could have prevented Lan Zhan from sheathing Bichen to begin with.

He could have sacrificed himself.

It would have been incredibly easy at that point. All he had to do was fight back instead of hold still. Jin Guangyao was not bluffing, probably, though he just as surely knew if Wei Wuxian died then he was next, he counted on everyone wanting Wei Wuxian alive more than they wanted him dead. So if Wei Wuxian had tried to fight back or escape, he would have died.

Jin Guangyao would have been shocked, very very briefly. The resulting chaos would have seen everyone in custody who needed to be. Perfect.

And, you know, Lan Zhan would have been once more Wei-Ying-less.

Wei Wuxian very notably does not make this sacrifice. Even if it means they get captured. Even if it means they likely die together instead of only one of them dying. Even if that math is terrible on the surface of it.

He doesn't make Lan Zhan watch him die again. He doesn't presume that his loss means nothing. He doesn't presume that his life is not worth it, that his sacrifice is worth it.

Wei Wuxian actively chooses to live. He chooses to live for Lan Zhan. For the chance that they will both find a way out, and if they don't, then they are together in this and that matters more.

And he keeps making that choice. At no point in the confrontation with Jin Guangyao, for all those hours and hours and hours of back and forth and monologuing in that damned temple, does Wei Wuxian try to grandstand or throw himself sacrificially into the mix in any way. He is always working with everyone there to whatever extent possible, to the ends that everyone (including people he cedes the political superiority to) decides upon. He releases ownership of the situation, of needing to fix the situation, of needing to fix the situation by giving himself up.

I've been writing this so long I'm starting to lose the threads of my own thoughts, but yeah.

By the end, I think Wei Wuxian learns a lot and grows a lot and finally hits the point that Jiang Cheng hit years and years prior.

"I never thought I'd be worth the work it would take to piece myself together," but he was confronted with the idea of it again and again until it had to stick, and so he did. For Lan Zhan, for Lan Sizhui, for Jin Ling, for the other juniors.

I do think there will always be some element of self-sacrifice to Wei Wuxian's character that remain unchanged. He is a caretaker and a fixer at the heart of him. He is a big brother and I think maturity has only expanded that trait. He's also notably not a leader, and to some extent he does belong to himself both more and less than he ever could before his death.

But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. And it doesn't negate him embracing the idea of living for the ones he loves, getting better for the ones he loves, and letting them keep him in their lives.

I'd like to think that this piece of character growth is another significant thing in favour of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng being able to forge not just a healthy relationship but a healthier relationship post-canon than they may have ever had before, or at least in a very long time.

[bookofmirth]

Are Nesta and Elain part of Rhysand's Inner Circle? We know that Nesta is likely not especially that she's a Valkyrie now and she has her own group to operate now. Why do the potatoes claim that Elain is part of the Inner Circle? I never see the Inner Circle include her on strategy meetings. I never see the IC ask for her vote or approval in terms of Court Affairs. As far as I know, the ONLY members of Rhysand's IC are Rhysand & Feyre(High Lord and High Lady), Amren (second-in-command), Mor (court overseer & 3rd-in-command), Cassian(army commander), and Azriel (spymaster), and Nesta was supposed to be the Emissary to the mortals. Elain is what? Does she even have a position/title in the IC? It seems that they're only recognizing her as Feyre's sister/ gardener friend. They don't even let her help find the Trove. Yet e/riels boldly claim that she's a member of the IC, which is really not what the canon is clearly showing.

She really needs to get out of the Night Court. These people around her are preventing her from possible growth and development. Such a waste if she stays there even on her book (hopefully Acotar 6, after Azriel's book).

No, Elain and Nesta are not part of the inner circle.

Rhysand's inner circle, as explained in acomaf, are the people who he counts on to help him make political decisions when times get tough. The Inner Circle is exactly what you said:

Amren is his Second,

Mor is his Third and oversees the Court of Nightmares,

Cassian commands the armies,

Azriel is the Spymaster,

Feyre is the High Lady.

That is the IC. The end. Period. It's not The Inner Circle of ACOTAR. It's Rhysand's Inner Circle.

I think people are getting IC confused as a synonym for "main characters". That's... not why the term "Inner Circle" was coined in acomaf. It was used to explain the group of people who support Rhys in his duties as High Lord.

Nesta does not work for or with Rhysand. (You mentioned her being emissary to the humans but is that even taken seriously? I can't remember her ever doing anything with this title.) Elain does not work for or with Rhysand. That's not a bad thing. It's just what it is.

Nesta has found a place in the Night Court as a Valkyrie and Oristian, but Elain is now just kinda hanging out doing not much. She is not part of the IC, she doesn't have close friends, she has her hobby and her sisters, one of whom doesn't really understand her (Feyre) and the other whom she is estranged from (Nesta). Trying to insist that she fits is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole while also insisting that the round peg is really comfy being shoved in there.

I suspect this question is because of the art controversy that is currently blowing up? It's honestly not that freaking deep. I don't even think it's a huge deal if Emerie isn't there because there don't seem to be rules in that art, it was just what the artist wanted to do. It's not IC art because Lucien, Elain, Nesta, and Gwyn are not in the IC. It's not Valkyrie art because only two of the characters are Valkyries. It's not "main character" art because Amren is not a main character, nor is Mor at this point.

Fandom calm down challenge 2021!!!!

[itsclydebitches]

Controversial take, but vol. 6 is the worst season bc its built entirely around fan service. Qrow's letter (IQ was popular), Ruby's proactivity, backstory at last, Ozpin's awful treatment, Bees, killing Adam, adults suck(tm), even Penny's return... just saving throws to keep RWBY alive. So everything failed in 7/8 bc fans thought they had been shown beats that mattered, but CRWBY never added those into their actual plan. Since vol. 6 began its all been misdirect, no one knows what to look at.

Putting aside my own very personal desire to not treat Ozpin and Oscar like that (because that’s where the bulk of my criticism stems from), I think Volume 6 is only a bad season retroactively. The concept of fan service isn’t inherently a problem, especially if the desire for certain things stems from the fans recognizing why that would be good for the show. People tend to reduce fan service to a purely negative thing, produced to appease the “rabid” fanbase, but fans aren’t pulling things they want out of a hat. They’re recognizing what things the story has lost (can our main character make decisions again?), what the story has intentionally or even unintentionally set up (these characters have great chemistry!), and what things might keep the story feeling fresh moving forward (maybe we need new combat ideas, like semblance upgrades). And that’s largely what Volume 6 is made up of, following the highly criticized Volume 5: a whole bunch of changes that were meant to both reintroduce what made RWBY great before and breathe some new life into a six year show. 

Our title protagonist should have agency again, so Ruby starts making decisions. We really should know more about this world and the quest they’re on, so we get an entire episode devoted to lore. We need to make the grimm a threat again, so we introduce the Apathy. Penny, as an android, always had a good chance of coming back, so let’s do that in Volume 7, originally meant to appear in Volume 6. It’s not fans’ love of a character demanding that the story sacrifice something (like logic) to meet that desire, it’s fans picking up on the internal logic of the story (androids can be rebuilt) and extrapolating possibilities. Now, we’re seeing the same work going into Volume 9. The frustration that Jaune fell into the void in part stems from recognizing that our main team hasn’t had much development lately and has been separated a lot since Volume 3/sharing time with JNOR, resulting in few Team RWBY moments. A desire to make Sun a significant part of the Vacuo arc stems from the knowledge that he’s there, he was formerly an important character, he’s friends with our other characters, and it would overall make sense to incorporate him into this part of the story. Hoping that Qrow and Robyn get their own adventure stems from a desire to keep the story internally consistent (please don’t have them arrive in Vacuo within a day when the Atlas citizens supposedly couldn’t just fly off to safety) while the hope that they’ll be set aside entirely until Volume 10 comes from recognizing that our cast is bloated and we need to pare things down. 

So much in Volume 6--giving us lore, introducing a SEW mentor, even acknowledging their headmaster’s mistakes to try and forward the protagonists’ growth--wasn’t bad on its own, but the execution failed horribly for some parts during the volume (Ozpin) and, more importantly, everything else petered out. As you say, the fans, myself included, had all assumed that this was going somewhere, but across two volumes we realized that RT didn’t actually know what to do with these plot points, they just threw them out and then... nothing. Things were either dropped or changed because they never had a real chance to begin with. How many times were we reassured that the group was going to reconsider their position with Ozpin and there would be a whole arc of growth, ending in heartfelt apologies on both sides? Just wait! Two years later, there was no development, no mention of it, and only one, quick apology to scoot that plot point off screen. How many times were we reassured that Penny was coming into her own and that resurrecting her/making her the Maiden was the beginning of a long, fulfilling journey? Just wait! Two years later, she had the powers for two days in-world, had her android identity stripped away, and then died again. The concept of new grimm didn’t have an impact because our group wasn’t fighting them in the Battle of Atlas/they killed the Hound in an episode, Maria as a mentor means nothing because she’s forgotten by the group and then literally forgotten by the story, Qrow’s relationship with Ironwood is tossed out for a kill threat that was then also tossed out for him to fight Harriet instead. It doesn’t feel like they planned any of this. The vast majority of what’s introduced in Volume 6 has no meaning or payoff. In reality, most things are actively contradicted by what comes next. What’s the point of establishing the horror of keeping the Salem secret if Ruby’s just going to turn around and keep it herself? What’s the point of establishing that the Lamp attracts grimm if that’s not going to impact Oscar carrying it around? What’s the point of spending a whole volume with Ironwood trusting them only to make him a cartoon villain at the start of the next? What’s the point of spending a volume emphasizing how much Nora cares for Mantle only for her to go start up Amity instead? What’s the point of Ren questioning their choices and supporting Ironwood if he’s just going to reverse course once his semblance upgrades? And on and on and on. Ideas don’t just disappear, the cast frequently does the opposite of what they should if those ideas had ever mattered. 

The worst part is, I’m still seeing so many fans pushing the “You just have to wait” argument. The conversation surrounding Emerald is nearly beat for beat the conversation surrounding Ozpin. Sure, things were pretty rushed and the emotion of the scenes was all one note… but that won’t last! Just wait until next season when Emerald’s redemption takes center stage. And then if that doesn’t happen there will be lots of excuses—this was the spirit world volume, we’re not supposed to be focusing on Vacuo yet—with further confidence that it will all come to a head in Volume 10. And then when Emerald either dies or is left behind by the plot, those fans will realize across Volumes 8-10 that RT isn’t writing a planned, cohesive story, the same way we realized that across Volumes 6-8. The fan service itself isn’t the problem, it’s that RT introduced a ton of ideas—ideas the fans obviously wanted—and then didn’t have any idea what to do with them. 

[fe-semi-decent-scenarios]

Could I ask headcanons of Black Eagles flirting and crushing on Byleth (professor?)?

[Ask and you shall receive lol. Lately I’ve been busying myself with long reports, so I needed something cutsey to recharge.(Sorry if it’s complete rubbish lol) It’s not much but I hope you like it!]

Edelgard: 

Ehh. She won’t be a student much longer anyways. 

Byleth will always be her professor...but maybe another title can be ticked onto that list? She hopes so. 

However, she doesn’t go too overboard. Just a few teasing gestures and quips every once in a while to sedate the budding sentiment in her heart 

With more pressing issues over love, Edelgard can’t afford to play the role of lovesick schoolgirl 

She sets side her personal feelings for the professor when around others. Instead they are treated as a good friend and adored instructor. Alongside the present given on Byleth’s birthday are a few other trinkets Edelgard picked up herself, you know, because she’s extra 

When alone her thoughts often drift. There are many occasions where work ends up procrastinated 

She keeps everything bottled up inside and doesn’t even hint at the idea of a crush to anyone. To love is to be compromised, to be compromised is to be weak, and to be weak is to fail

This is something she firmly believes until the support of her peers and affection from her professor begin to challenge it 

Perhaps there is room for love in her future 

“My teacher, you are an important companion to everyone here and to myself. You must never forget that”  

Hubert: 

Oh he is smooooth. 

Yet subtle 

He knows that he shouldn’t become too attached considering what’s to come in the future. His mind and body are her highness’ to command

....well, all good things come in moderation anyways. What’s a little meaningless flirting?

His flirting methods follow the ‘attack of opportunity’ plan. Meaning that he tosses in his quips when the time seems fitting 

He knows what he is doing. Never assume otherwise 

Obviously such conduct towards a teacher is unrefined. Does he care? The guy couldn’t give less of a sh*t 

He has 100% commented on their dancing attire at least once

People should mind their own business lest they want to lose their tongue. Can’t gossip when you can’t speak, right?  

If the professor doesn’t seem to mind then why should he stop? If they recuperate then that’s even better

It’s no fun when prey doesn’t fight back once in a while. 

“Oh do go on. The droll behind your ever so taunting tone is intoxicating. It almost makes this insufferable lecture mildly entertaining” -shots fired. Professor or not, ‘love interest’ or enemy, Hubert does not tone down the sarcasm 

No one even suspects that he has an interest in Byleth. He downright makes it appear that they are his sworn enemy (whether this is intentional or not? You decide) 

Caspar:

‘Flirt’? ‘Caspar’? That’s funny

It’s not that he can’t do it. Caspar can be very charming when he wants to be, but why bother? 

They’re his professor. If he starts kissing up to them then the others might start to think he’s pegging for special treatment 

He also doesn’t want them to like a facade. He wants them to like him

Not that he would turn said special treatment down if offered. He d o e s want to get stronger, and the extra time with his “favorite”*wink* professor is a lucky bonus 

He tends to have a ‘lingering eye’ that’s easy to pick up on if you catch my drift

he is not pure hearted, just a dunce. There is a difference

The boy blushes at every little action without even noticing

He loves to watch them train, both to better his own moves and to admire them without it seeming weird 

Literally everyone knows that Caspar has a thing for Byleth before he knows it himself. He’s the kind that mistakes a crush for admiration 

He’s also a big baby when it comes to them giving other people attention. 

He justifies his interruptions as: “The professor doesn’t have time to do __ for __! They have enough to do as it is!” 

Now what does that translate to in Caspar language?: “The time the professor spends doing __ is time they could spend with our class me” 

Someone help him. He’s so thick headed it’s actually sad 

Petra: 

“My apologies. I will be returning after the clearing of my head” 

She’s unfamiliar with the courting methods in Fodlan. Are they the same as in Bridgid? 

Thoughts of the professor occasionally will interfere with her study time

Also her appetite. Normally she eats plenty at meals since she hates waste, but the professor makes her nervous about her etiquette 

let’s just ignore that Byleth eats like a ravenous boar

She wants to take them to see Bridgid. It’s only natural to want to share the things you love with those you care about 

She embraces the affection she feels. Byleth is a truly wonderful person and the royal family would gladly accept them if Petra expressed her feelings 

When she returns she wants to ask them to accompany her 

For now she will remain at their side both in battle, in leisure, and in spirit 

Petra also isn’t one to approach with caution. The way she flirts is through honesty 

If they do something she likes then she says so. If they look nice or are trying something new then she’ll comment on it. If she sees something in the shop that they might like, then she buys it 

Petra is simple. She does for Byleth what she thinks will make them happy and doesn’t overthink it in the slightest 

Dorothea: 

The newfound feelings aren’t discouraged nor appreciated. It is a battle between practicality and love for her 

Not because of them being a professor, but everything else 

Mercenary, teacher, reincarnate, solider, tactician, etc. 

Such a dangerous profession with so much blood on their hands. Are those the ones she wants to hold for the rest of their days? 

Will they even live long enough to grow old with her? 

She wants a reliable partner to take care of her and not give her a heart attack on a daily basis. So far only one box is checked 

She will not be a widow at such a young age. She refuses 

When these thoughts emerge Dorothea retracts from Byleth. There’s still the open friendliness that was there before, but now an extra barrier has been put up 

She won’t go out of her way to give Byleth special treatment. Her search for a partner other than them will continue on 

Maybe she’ll find someone else to smash these feelings so that there will be no need to confront them 

Only after they ‘die’ will she stop suppressing them. 

“To think that it took such a disaster for me to see the light. Why do people realize such things when it’s too late?” - she focuses on personal growth until the reunion. Relying on another person to prevent the past from reappearing is not what she wants. 

Ferdinand: 

The best way that Ferdinand can communicate his feelings is through words

He tries. He really tries to come across as a potential life partner for the professor. He can only be a student for so long, and they’re close in age. Logically there is nothing wrong with the possibility of a courtship 

but because speaking ‘frilly’ is a normality the effect is not like how he hoped 

When Ferdinand falls, he falls hard. Yes, he is a flirt. Yes, he stretches himself thin trying to please everyone. Yes, he has his quirks that make him extremely confrontational 

So when he finds someone with the ability to make him both strengthen his morals, question the bigger picture, and grow as an individual (after the whole ‘noble’ mine-bomb) it’s a big deal 

Therefore he will not relent in his pursuit of Byleth unless they explicitly tell him to stop. If words don’t work then he instantly pegs for quality time and acts of affirmation 

Greets them every morning, carries their supplies, invites them to tea, delivers lost items, etc. People really do peg him as a kiss ass. 

He doesn’t get the ‘heart flutters’ that people talk about. When he’s beside the professor he just feels energized. Like he could actually beat Edelgard ‘could’ is the key word in that scentence

“Good morning Professor! If your schedule allows it, would you care to join me for tea later this afternoon? Your company would make it the perfect level of sweetness” 

Linhardt: 

A firm believer of “age is but a number”

It’s more of his personal beliefs that tone down any pursuit of the professor. They are currently in a position of power over him that halts any relationship progression at a professional level. 

So as any healthy person does: he vents any growing affection into his studies

He h a t e s how they make him restless.He’ll be feeling drowsy one moment but then their face will pop into his mind 

He can’t even sleep through class. Not with them there 

Actually works in the class’ favor since he starts contributing to the lectures. If you can’t beat them then might as well join them 

This is how it is during pre-timeskip for the most part. Occasionally he will let his thoughts slip but never any action

He has crests to research and Byleth has students that seemingly want to die by the hour. There is literally no time to flirt 

Now AFTER the timeskip, things are different. Linhardt is a blunt person which sometimes works in his favor. Just so happens that flirting comes naturally to him  

most of the time it doesn’t though

“Could you refrain from doing that? It’s distracting”                                      “Linhardt, i’m stretching. How is that distracting?”                                         “You are an attractive individual. Need I say more?” 

Life is short. He has no filter 

Bernadetta: 

“HI PROFESSOR!”                                                                                       “Afternoon Bernadetta. I see you’re out of your room today”                       “W-what? OH! Yes. Y-y-yEs i aM IM SORRY I’LL GO BACK PLEASE DON’T PATRONIZE MEEEEE” 

She’s scared. What’s new? 

The girl never expected to have these feelings. One night she was painting when what was supposed to be a cloud began to resemble her professor 

It was downhill from there.

Her behavior is exactly the same as prior to her feelings. Being a naturally jittery person works to her advantage, no one suspects a thing! 

Compared to simply being friends it will take longer for her to be comfortable 

She will avoid Byleth at all times outside of lessons. It’s just too hard to communicate anymore 

Eventually her outer shell will crack. The once new feelings will begin to feel normal and the old bernie will be back. Jittery, hyperactive, kind, lovable bernie 

[diariesofthehermit]

The Ecology of Black Liberation

It is hard to be Black. It is harder still when you choose not to numb yourself to the world but to take it all in. The pain that exists within this body is already acute, yet the pain that exists within the world-body is still magnitudes greater. As tempting as it may be, however, it is best not to be numb. Pain is a warning, a signal for danger, and those who do not feel pain cannot sense the arrival of hurt and of death before it is too late. Therefore I have no choice; I must feel. And as I am not separate from the world, I must feel Her pain too; Her aches are my aches, Her hurt is my hurt and our death is one. 

What do we suppose liberation to be? Liberation from poverty, from misogyny, from homophobia or racism? What good is it to be liberated into a dead world, one that does not support life of any class, gender, sexuality or race? I suspect that for many, liberation is equivalent to equality, a levelling of the political/social/economic playing field within our society. As I get older, however, I become more and more sympathetic to the view that Malcolm X espoused in his Nation of Islam days: the “world” of western civilization is fucked, and there’s no hope for anyone integrating into it, equally or not. To be “liberated” is to liberate yourself from a doomed society and to build your own. My attraction to this mindset, however, is tempered by the growing twenty-first century truth that there is no longer any place left to build: if indeed our current global, capitalist civilization has not covered every inch of the world itself then its shadow surely does. Fate, now, is collective; the destiny of all life is forever intertwined. 

If you’ll forgive the apparent digression, I need now to talk about trees. Trees are, after all, essential to Black liberation (as are all ‘things’ essential to life); to put it another way, the fates of Black people are tied directly to the fates of trees. To do violence to them is, in a very real way, to do violence to me, my family and my community. To think otherwise is to operate under the basic misconception that Nature and people are somehow independent, separate entities. 

I recently read an academic study titled “Deforestation and World Population Sustainability: a Quantitative Analysis.” It emphasized, first, the importance of trees to the earth’s life and civilizations: they prove indispensable to our existence through the production of oxygen and the cleansing of the atmosphere, maintenance of the soil, regulation of our water cycle and, a key factor given our contemporary crisis, the regulation of our planet’s climate by keeping its carbon in them instead of in our atmosphere, where it would accelerate the already lethal pace of planetary warming. “Trees and forests are our best atmosphere cleaners” the authors wrote, “and, due to the key role that they play in the terrestrial ecosystem, it is highly unlikely to imagine the survival of many species, including ours, on the Earth without them. In this sense, the debate on climate change will be almost obsolete in case of a global deforestation of the planet.” Obsolete, note, because we’d all be among the dying or dead.

The authors of the study then used multiple variables, such as the world human population, the amount of earth covered by forest, the growth rate of the human species, the rate at which we extract resources from the environment, the projected rate of technological improvement in resource extraction, the renewability of those resources and those resources carrying capacity to calculate the survivability our current society. They gave us twenty to forty years before “catastrophic collapse” spelled the end of human civilization and perhaps of the human species itself, with an “optimistic” 10% chance of human society continuing if we can begin in earnest to expand our civilization into the solar system and harvest its resources. 

We all know, however, that if the wealthiest and most industrialized nations began to expand their societies into space, that Black people are going to have a hell of a hard time getting there. Of course, it’s hard to accurately predict the future. Any model of the times to come that depends on future human behavior or expected rates of technical progress is inherently fallible. We may very well survive much longer than that. There is also the alternative, however: considering that we are not only harming our forests, but the soil, the oceans, our atmosphere and indeed the entire biosphere itself, perhaps their calculations of civilization’s end times are not too far off. Perhaps they’ll come sooner. Who knows? The future itself is an unknown. Yet, what we can perhaps say with certainty is that the possibility for total extinction, or at the very least the extinction of human civilization, is now very real. We are not discussing an end of a civilization, or of a society, but of human society itself. Forever. It is an existential threat that the “wretched of the earth”, the poor and the marginalized, cannot afford to ignore. We do not, after all, deserve this fate. We did not bring the world to this point. But do Black revolutionaries have time to discuss it? Is it not best to leave such things to those who have the privilege to worry about the global environment and not whether a police officer will kill them at a traffic stop, or after barging into their home in the middle of the night based on bad intel? I would argue that, in regards to this threat and any other, white people can and will not save us. Have you seen the news on climate change? White people cannot save themselves- they cannot even agree amongst themselves if the threat exists. 

Yet the global working classes (even those who carry the label of “white”), the marginalized and the colonized, do not have the privilege of these debates. Wealth will not insulate us from the worst. We have seen Katrina, and how its effects upon communities were proportionate to their wealth and racial make-up, and we should understand that Katrina is just the first sign of what's to come. Already, the air we breathe, the food we consume and the water we drink have a detrimental relationship with the life-spans of the urban poor; the very earth is weaponized against us. For the moment She has only fired warning shots and her real rage is barely apparent. It is, however, on the horizon. Who will feel it worst, I wonder? 

The authors of the study offer us some hope aside from Star-Trek like voyages into space. According to them, we live in an “economical” society, which tends to value the welfare of a few privileged components over that of the entire system. Extrapolating a bit, it is indeed clear that not only do we see “humanity” as somehow separable from nature, but that the wealthy and powerful in particular have conceptualized themselves as a group apart from the rest of us, well, peasants as well. What is needed, according to the study’s authors, is a transformation into a society that values the whole as much as the parts and that works for the sake of the all instead of the few. Such a society does not make false dichotomies between people and nature, or between the proletariat and the nation, or even between nations themselves. We are all integrated into a single system in which each part supports the existence of all the others, and to understand one person in their fullness is to, by necessity, see the whole. 

I am for, and will always be for, the existence and welfare of the Black community. I would just like to point out that without a healthy planet there are no communities, Black or white, and that Black liberation without planetary liberation is nonexistent. We live and die with our mother; we live and die, in fact, with trees. Which is a wonder, because I’m willing to bet that most of the diaspora in industrialized nations, living our lives so characterized by atomization and isolation, walk by them every day without a second thought. Your true body, though, does not end with your body. I challenge you: the next time you walk down a park, a block or a city street, notice the trees. They are you. One being, one fate. 

Link to quoted study: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-63657-6.pdf

[elyvorg]

Kaito Momota: The Man Who Apologised Too Much

Yes, you read that title correctly, and yes, I am 100% serious right now. There seems to be this bizarre myth in this fandom (at least from what I’ve seen, and even from people who appear to like Kaito enough to have thought about him a decent amount) that Kaito believes, out of some kind of toxic masculinity, that men shouldn’t ever apologise, and therefore he never does so himself until right at the end as a supposed sign of his growth. This could not be further from the actual truth about how Kaito feels and acts and grows with regards to the topic of apologising. I am here to thoroughly debunk that ridiculous myth and talk about what’s really going on with Kaito and apologies, which is practically the complete opposite of that and far, far more interesting.

(I should also make it clear that I’m not doing this because I’m trying to insist that Kaito is perfect and without fault. If he actually did have a toxic masculinity thing going on that he needed to unlearn, I’d be totally okay with that, because that’d be him having flaws and therefore being a perfectly good character even if he’s a somewhat less good person as a result. It’s just that these are not remotely the issues Kaito has in canon, and I want to shed some light on what’s actually going on here. It still involves him being very messed up, I promise, just in a completely different way!)

Don’t make yourself feel bad!

The best illustration of Kaito’s principles on apologising is early in chapter 1. After everyone gets emotionally beaten down by the escape tunnel, half the group proceeds to blame Kaede as if she should never have encouraged them to keep trying it in the first place. Kaede agrees that it’s all her fault and apologises to them – but Kaito immediately questions why she’s doing that when she didn’t do anything wrong. Yes, things happened to turn out badly as a result of her encouragement, but she didn’t mean for that to happen when she decided to encourage everyone. It was not a mistake for Kaede to want everyone to try and escape, and she should never be made to feel like she ought to apologise for that. So Kaito tells her, phrased like this is advice he’s regularly given to people in the past, “Listen up. Don’t apologize for something that’s not your fault! It’ll just make you feel bad!”

This line not only very clearly states what Kaito’s principles on this are, but it also shows part of why he feels so strongly about this – because it’s about self-care. Kaito is always trying to encourage people to be kind to themselves and to stay positive, to not wallow in negative feelings when they could be thinking instead about what they can do to make things better. This also extends to not blaming themselves and making themselves feel like something’s their fault when it isn’t, and apologising for said thing is liable to make someone do that. Kaito advocates not apologising when something isn’t one’s fault for the sake of the mental health of the person who would be giving the apology, which deserves to be looked out for just as much as that of the person who would be receiving the apology.

(Also note that Kaito’s saying this to Kaede despite her not being a man, and he doesn’t bring up the concept of manliness at all while doing so, because this whole thing is actually not even remotely about gender to him, as I’ll go into more in a bit.)

This is very similar in principle to the type of advice that Kaito gives Shuichi (even though he never directly mentions apologies while doing so, which is a fact that will be important later). Especially after Kaede’s death, Shuichi’s biggest problem is blaming himself for all the bad things that happened, when all he did was try his hardest to find the truth, which isn’t a bad thing to do at all. Even though his deduction was wrong and the mastermind didn’t come to the hidden door, he tried his best to figure things out with what he had and it’s not his fault he wasn’t quite correct. Even though Kaede was executed because Shuichi uncovered her crime, he sure as hell didn’t want that to happen to her and was just trying to save the maximum number of people from this killing game’s rules. Kaito’s support of Shuichi focuses on trying to stop him from blaming himself about this kind of thing, because he should be pursuing the truth, that’s what they need in a killing game like this, and so he should be proud of himself for being the one who can do that for everyone, rather than beating himself up over it.

And, to skip way ahead to a part of chapter 5 for a moment, this idea is also relevant when Kaito jumps in the way of Maki’s arrow that was meant for Kokichi. Moments later, he learns that the arrow was poisoned, that Kokichi was already dying from her first poison arrow anyway and that he just made things worse by getting himself fatally poisoned too (at least, as far as he knows until Kokichi starts explaining his plan) – but Kaito never once apologises for or shows any regret over making that jump. He didn’t and couldn’t have known the arrows were poisoned, so in that situation, leaping to protect Kokichi was the best thing he could have done and therefore not a mistake. The fact that it turned out the arrows were poisoned and his actions only (apparently) made things worse was not his fault, and at least on this occasion, Kaito understands that and doesn’t go and make himself feel bad over this.

Take responsibility!

Getting back to chapter 1 – the next morning after the tunnel incident, people are still blaming Kaede for it, and Kaito is still arguing that they shouldn’t and she shouldn’t apologise. But this time, Kaede clarifies what she actually did wrong: she got so overly focused on the tunnel that she didn’t consider how everyone was feeling. While simply trying to escape was not a mistake, getting so into it that she overlooked everyone’s exhaustion and kept pushing them past their limits was. When Kaede apologises for doing that, Kaito accepts things and drops the subject.

After all, Kaito also strongly advocates taking responsibility, which means that you should apologise when you did genuinely make a mistake. We can see this in this same chapter 1 conversation when Kaito complains that everyone was blaming Kaede without taking responsibility themselves. Even though Kaede was the most forceful in pushing them into it, everyone else still chose to listen to her and try the tunnel of their own volition. So their resulting exhaustion was still partly on them, and they should be acknowledging their own mistake in doing that, rather than running away from their responsibility by pinning it all on Kaede.

And Kaito is perfectly capable of putting this into practice himself, as we see at the beginning of chapter 2 where he very clearly and openly apologises to Shuichi for punching him at the end of the trial the night before. At the time, Kaito’s words made it sound like he’d punched Shuichi to try and push him to stand up to Monokuma more – but really he just did it because he couldn’t deal with his own pain over Kaede’s death and lashed out. After having a night to calm down and think it over, Kaito realised that he was never going to help like that and he shouldn’t have lost control of himself, so he takes responsibility for his mistake and apologises to Shuichi as soon as he can. He even seems somewhat hesitant when Shuichi readily accepts his apology, as if he was expecting Shuichi to be more upset at his actions than this.

So: Kaito very evidently believes that you should apologise when you have made a mistake. In that circumstance, the you-feeling-bad that comes from apologising is worthwhile, because at least it’ll help you learn from that mistake in order to be able to make better choices in future and hopefully not let it happen again. After all, self-improvement is also a big thing that Kaito’s always trying to encourage! It’s only when you genuinely aren’t in the wrong that he advocates not apologising, because that’ll make you feel bad for no good reason and possibly end up inclined to avoid choices in future aren’t actually bad choices at all. This entire thing from Kaito is all about helping people, just like Kaito is always trying to do.

Since realising this about Kaito and thinking about it a lot, I’ve actually been making something of an effort in my own life to catch myself whenever I’m feeling inclined to apologise for something and ask myself if I really should be doing so according to what Kaito would say. Even if I end up concluding that I did in fact make a mistake that I should have been able to foresee and avoid, which I therefore do apologise for, this lets me properly think about what the mistake was. That way, not only can I keep that mistake in mind to try and avoid in future, but I also don’t end up feeling like anything else about the situation that I couldn’t actually help was somehow my fault as well. This is really emotionally healthy advice that I think everyone should try and follow! Kaito is so good.

(There is admittedly another angle to this. Sometimes, even if person A genuinely didn’t meant to hurt person B, person B was still hurt enough that they deserve an apology just for the sake of acknowledging that the hurt happened and that it mattered even if it was unintentional. In that type of case, I do believe that the person responsible should apologise even if it was genuinely an accident, for the sake of the mental health of the person who was hurt. But in that case, it shouldn’t be an “I’m sorry that I did this” if their actions weren’t inherently wrong; it should be an “I’m sorry that you were hurt because of something I did”. Kaito is never seen addressing this angle, but I really think that’s just because it doesn’t happen to come up, and that if you asked him about this, he’d agree with what I’m saying here.)

Be sure of yourself! (whether or not you’re literally a man)

But what does all this even have to do with manliness, then? Well, the short answer is “really not actually that much”, because the only times Kaito ever brings manliness into this apologising thing is when he’s giving this advice to Gonta.

The most notable example of this is during trial 1. After Gonta’s been cleared of suspicion, Kokichi’s dickery makes Gonta literally apologise for not being the murderer. Naturally Kaito takes issue with him doing that, so he tells Gonta, “A man shouldn’t apologize so easily!”. And the key part of this sentence which apparently some people completely overlook is the “so easily”. Kaito would never have uttered that sentence without that part, because he does not even remotely believe that a man shouldn’t apologise at all. What he’s actually saying here is exactly the same thing he was saying to Kaede – don’t apologise when you’re genuinely not in the wrong. Not being a murderer is obviously not a mistake and not something anyone should ever have to feel like they should apologise for and make themselves feel bad over for no sensible reason! Nobody else would have remotely let themselves be led by Kokichi into apologising for being innocent – but Gonta in particular is so tragically unsure of himself and of what he should be doing that when Kokichi implied he’d done something wrong, he immediately assumed he must have done and apologised without question.

Making this also about being a “man” does seem uncalled for, but Kaito does this for two reasons. One is because being sure of yourself is a big part of what his concept of manliness is about. Kaito believes that, ideally, people should think for themselves and know for themselves what’s right and wrong. If they were wrong, they should acknowledge it and own up to that (taking responsibility is also a big part of this manliness thing for Kaito) – but if they were in the right, they should be able to stand up for themselves and not back down from what they believe in. It’s exactly the same concept I’ve already talked about with regards to apologies, just framed in a way that’s about conviction instead of self-care. Gonta is an incredibly kind person who’s always trying to do the right thing, which Kaito can respect a lot, but it bothers Kaito that someone as good as that has such a hard time seeing what the right thing is in the first place. Gonta ought to be able to have enough conviction to stand up for himself and tell Kokichi, “no, I didn’t do anything wrong, stop trying to make me feel bad for not murdering anyone.”

And note how in the previous paragraph when talking about Kaito’s beliefs on this, I said “people”, not “men”, because neither this nor anything else about Kaito’s concept of manliness (which I’m not going into in any more detail here, because this post is about the apology thing) has anything inherently to do with gender. Literally the only thing gendered about Kaito’s concept of manliness is the word he uses for it. It’s really more like a kind of moral code that he always tries to stick to, one which can apply to anyone regardless of gender, except for some reason or another he somehow ended up using that word to encapsulate it. Unfortunately, this has the side-effect of giving it rather less morally-sound implications to anyone who doesn’t bother to pay any attention to what Kaito’s actually talking about every time he mentions it.

However, Kaito’s concept of manliness is almost always something he only has for himself, because following that code is personally important to him. He doesn’t inflict it on others if he doesn’t think they’d buy into it – after all, the concept of conviction is a lot less important in helping people’s mental health than the concept of self-care is. So the other reason Kaito brings manliness into the apology thing in this context is only because it’s Gonta. Gonta has his own very similar thing about being a gentleman, which isn’t quite the same as Kaito’s concept of manliness, but there is a lot of overlap, especially when it comes to sincerity and integrity. Kaito mentions manliness to Gonta in particular only because he believes that idea might actually resonate with Gonta and help him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have done, just like he didn’t when telling Kaede not to apologise, and just like he almost never does to Shuichi while giving him advice, even though Shuichi is also male.

Another point at which Kaito tells Gonta that a man shouldn’t apologise so easily (again, so easily; he never omits that part) is during the investigation of case 2. Gonta apologises for being too scared to jump into the water tank to save Ryoma from the piranhas, but Kaito points out that the piranhas would just have eaten him too. Gonta staying put and keeping himself safe was the right thing to do, not a mistake that he should be apologising for and making himself feel bad over when there really wasn’t anything more he could have done to save Ryoma. Later, Gonta apologises again for not watching the tank better because he didn’t see Ryoma in there before the piranhas fell in, and Kaito gives him the same line – because Gonta is so tragically convinced that he’s wrong about everything that he automatically assumes he was mistaken in what he saw and blames himself, without considering that maybe there just genuinely wasn’t anything to see. And the last time Kaito says this to Gonta is at the beginning of chapter 3 when Kokichi tells Gonta, “Nothing good ever happens when you try to help,” and Gonta agrees and apologises�� for always trying to help? Obviously that’s not something he should ever apologise for, even if his efforts don’t always work out so well. Kaito would hate it for Gonta to start thinking because of this that he really shouldn’t ever be trying to help!

There’s more on this general idea in that investigation 2 conversation when Shuichi points out that it was impossible to save Ryoma anyway because he was already dead by then according to the Monokuma File, and Gonta admits he didn’t even read the file because he doesn’t think he’s smart enough to understand it. Really, Gonta is not nearly as stupid as he thinks and would have been perfectly able to understand “the cause of death was drowning”. But because he’s so unsure of himself, he didn’t even try, which is exactly the problem with Gonta being this way! Kaito picks up on this and tells him, “If you think you can’t help, then work till you can!” – because, again, Kaito is always trying to encourage people not to wallow in the pain of what they couldn’t do but instead to focus on what they can do going forward.

And that’s exactly the kind of thing that Kaito’s apology principle is all about. Its purpose is to help people stay positive and work constructively to improve themselves. Kaito’s not-actually-gendered concept of manliness is only tangentially connected to this, only even gets brought up when Gonta’s involved, and isn’t really the point at all.

(Heck, if Kaito did consciously think about gender while considering his apology thing, he is smart enough that he’d most likely realise that, in terms of the way people are socialised to behave, it generally tends to be women who apologise too easily and men who don’t apologise enough. So, if anything, he’d frame his usual advice about when not to apologise to be a little more geared towards women, and make more of an overt point about how men should take responsibility instead. The fact that he doesn’t do this is a strong indicator that he just hasn’t taken gender into account at all when it comes to this.)

How Kaito starts to get it wrong

So, having firmly established Kaito’s principles about not apologising when you’re not in the wrong and why he feels so strongly about this, now for the fun part. As in, the part where he repeatedly breaks these principles himself. Everyone should already know how much of a delightful hypocrite Kaito is when it comes to following his own advice, and yep, that applies to this, too.

This begins in chapter 3, as Kaito becomes afflicted by his phobia of ghosts and gets so anxious and nauseous that it completely tanks his mental strength and ability to do much of anything. He apologises so many times during this part of the story: for not being able to hang out with Shuichi, for not being able to be there for him and Maki at training, for not being able to help Shuichi investigate – even though the reason why he can’t do those things is not his fault and he hasn’t done anything wrong. Sure, it sucks that he can’t be there for his sidekicks, but that is not remotely what he wanted to happen and if he had his way and wasn’t so horribly mentally ill then he absolutely would still be there for them. This thoroughly checks out, according to Kaito’s own principles about this, as Not Something To Apologise For.

(…Okay, so it’s slightly more complicated than that since his main issue in this chapter is not a literal sickness but a phobia. That’s something that it’s easier for Kaito to tell himself he should be able to fight against, since it’s all in his head, and therefore it’s his fault if he can’t, right? But, obviously Kaito is trying to fight against it in order to be there for his sidekicks. The only possible mistake here would be him not even trying at all, but Kaito is never not trying. So if he still can’t manage to overcome his phobia despite giving it his best effort, then that isn’t his fault at all.)

But Kaito apologises for it anyway, repeatedly. A lot of these are just casual “sorry”s and “my bad”s peppered into his dialogue that are easy to miss, which might read simply as something he’s doing unconsciously without really thinking about his principles at all. Yet at one point he straight-up approaches Shuichi and makes a whole point of the fact that he thinks he needs to apologise for not coming to training. So it’s not just unconscious – Kaito actively feels like he’s doing something wrong that he ought to take responsibility for and accept feeling bad about so that he can do better in future. Except, how is he ever going to be able to do better in future when his “mistake” is, effectively, “being sick”? Kaito is just going to make himself feel an obligation to be less sick, and that he’s still failing and still ought to feel bad if he continues to be sick anyway, which… well, we know how that’s going to end up for him.

Aaaaand it sure does during chapter 4 as well. Kaito doesn’t apologise nearly as much in this chapter as he did in chapter 3, presumably because he’s able to be there for his sidekicks again and appear on the surface as if he’s totally fine and isn’t doing anything “wrong” at all. But a few unnecessary apologies still slip through here and there. One is when he has to briefly leave a training session for what is totally just using the bathroom and definitely not coughing up any blood. Since using the bathroom isn’t something even Kaito’s warped logic would think of as “doing something wrong”, he’s really apologising for being sick and dying and letting that get in the way of training his sidekicks. Similarly, he apologises at the end of trial 4, after he’s coughed up blood in front of everyone and needs to head back to his room. Again, apologising simply for being visibly ill in front of them. Kaito, no.

The reason Kaito is so convinced that he apparently ought to feel bad and apologise for these things is rooted in the core of his issues, namely his unrealistically perfect standards for heroes. (If you haven’t read that other Kaito analysis post of mine I just linked, you probably should, because it’s going to get increasingly relevant to this post from here on.) A hero like Kaito must be flawlessly strong and never let his sidekicks down no matter what, and anything else is unacceptable. Being weak is a “mistake” for Kaito, even if it’s a type of weakness that isn’t rooted in his choices and is entirely outside of his control. Not being able to be there for his sidekicks is a “mistake” for Kaito, no matter how hard he’s trying to be there and never wanted to be incapable of it. He genuinely feels like he should apologise for these things, because he deserves to feel bad about it, and he needs to do better somehow, even if there’s literally no actual way for him to do so.

Just like every other bit of advice he gives to others, Kaito’s whole principle of not apologising when you’re not in the wrong is about emotional self-care – so it’s only to be expected that he’d be just as bad at following this himself as he is with every other part of his own advice. Because Kaito is horrendous at actually looking after his own well-being when he needs to, emotionally as well as physically.

(And really that’s Kaito’s only actual mistake in this situation: not looking after himself, including not telling his sidekicks what’s going on with him and letting them help. Maybe that should warrant an apology. After all, the reason he avoids them in chapter 3 is less because of his phobia of ghosts itself and more because he doesn’t want them to see that he’s afraid of ghosts. So in that sense, technically he’s skipping out on their training for reasons that actually are him being in the wrong. But that’s definitely never what Kaito thinks he’s apologising for on any of these occasions, now, is it.)

How Kaito gets it wrong in the other direction

Things get even more interesting as we move into chapter 5, in the aftermath of the nightmare that was Gonta’s trial. Shuichi is under the impression that the reason Kaito is avoiding him is because he’s angry at Shuichi for pursuing Gonta’s guilt, almost like he’s wanting Shuichi to apologise for it before talking to him again. But Shuichi asserts privately to Maki that he doesn’t think it would be right for him to apologise when it was the only thing he could do to keep everyone else alive. Of course it’s not Shuichi’s fault that Gonta being the culprit was the truth, nor that Gonta got executed as a result of his crime being uncovered. Shuichi didn’t want any of the awful things to happen and only did what needed to be done to save as many lives as possible.

Sound familiar? Yep, that’s precisely Kaito’s principles on when not to apologise right there. So it is literally not possible that Kaito could actually be expecting an apology from Shuichi; he’d understand perfectly well that Shuichi doesn’t deserve to make himself feel bad when he did what a detective should always do and saved everyone. Credit to Shuichi for being self-assured enough by this point to be able to stand up for what he did and assert that he shouldn’t apologise. The reason he’s so self-assured now is almost certainly thanks to Kaito and all the general advice Kaito has been giving him about not blaming himself and being proud of his detective work. But, because Kaito never specifically mentioned the apology thing while giving Shuichi advice, Shuichi doesn’t consciously realise that Kaito would obviously feel the same way about this. (Shuichi was there when Kaito explained these principles to Kaede in chapter 1, but apparently it didn’t stick with him, perhaps because at the time he wasn’t yet reliant on Kaito.) Which sadly leaves Shuichi floundering in the unresolvable situation of believing Kaito wants him to apologise while refusing to back down on the fact that he shouldn’t, rather than realising that Kaito’s problem is something else entirely that might potentially be fixed just by talking to him.

The problem, or part of it at least, is that Kaito is the one who should be apologising for his actions in Gonta’s trial. He lashed out at Shuichi and made reaching the truth even more difficult and painful for him than it already was, even though he knew deep down that Gonta really was the culprit and that proving this was the only way to save everyone else. Kaito had promised repeatedly before the trial that he’d always be there for Shuichi to help carry his burdens, and yet he actively did the opposite of that when it mattered most.

But Kaito doesn’t apologise for that for most of this chapter. This is the only instance in the whole story in which Kaito breaks his principles on apologising in the opposite way to normal, by not apologising when he is in the wrong. Yet it’s not remotely that he doesn’t even believe he should; of course he knows he should, given how much he cares about taking responsibility. It’s just that the pain he feels over having failed Shuichi so badly in that trial hurts so much that he can’t bear to face up to it and talk about it. He’s essentially being a coward, by running away from that pain, and there’s no way he doesn’t realise that. The reason Kaito avoids Shuichi (at least if I were to frame it in a way that’s about the topic of this post) is because he knows he needs to apologise but can’t.

How Kaito gets it wrong in two ways at once

However, Kaito does not need to apologise for everything he did in the trial. The part where he simply couldn’t bear to face the truth of Gonta’s guilt like Shuichi could is not his fault. That’s just a weakness he has that he can’t help, because he’s Kaito – of course it would be so, so hard for him to accept that someone like Gonta could have committed murder, especially without understanding why or even being able to see any indications of guilt in the amnesiac Gonta’s behaviour. And the part where he felt jealous of Shuichi for being so much stronger than him in being able to face this truth where he couldn’t is also not his fault – Kaito can’t help feeling that way, after all. Apologising for either of those things would be like apologising for being the person he is. The only part that was somewhat under Kaito’s control was the part where he allowed this pain and jealousy to cause him to lash out at Shuichi and actively make things more difficult for him. So that’s the only part which is meaningfully his fault and something he should apologise for.

But it doesn’t seem like Kaito understands that, either. Just like he did when he was apologising for being sick, he appears to believe that simply being weaker than Shuichi is something that counts as a “mistake” on his part and needs to be part of the apology he owes him. The reason I’m so sure that Kaito wants to apologise for this, even though he doesn’t actually do so for the first half of chapter 5, is that he spends the first part of the chapter fixating on a Very Heroic Plan to help everyone escape, in which he makes more of a point of it being his plan than of making it as likely as possible to succeed. Kaito is really doing this is in a desperate attempt to prove himself to Shuichi and show that he can be just as strong and heroic as him after all. An optional line of dialogue from Kaito just before they head into the escape tunnel implies that he may well finally be ready to talk to Shuichi again once they’re out of here – as if he believes that by helping them escape, that’ll be enough to make his apology worth something.

Based on this, it appears that Kaito thinks he needs to make up for being weaker than Shuichi in the trial before he can apologise to him. Which means that the weakness itself is evidently one of the things he’s intending to apologise for. He wants to prove that he’s stronger than that now, so that when he does eventually give the apology he owes, he won’t be emptily apologising for something that he’s still doing. This is the problem with believing you should apologise for things that aren’t your fault and that you couldn’t help – it makes you feel like you should be able to do better when you genuinely can’t. That just leaves you floundering helplessly in your perceived uselessness, and Kaito didn’t feel like he had the right to apologise from that position.

If Kaito didn’t believe that him simply being weaker than Shuichi was part of what he did wrong in the trial, he wouldn’t have felt the need to prove himself like this, and I really believe he might have been able to bite the bullet and apologise for his actual mistake on the first day of chapter 5. But, precisely because he’d convinced himself that he had to apologise for something that he didn’t need to and couldn’t fix, Kaito kept putting off that apology, including the part that he actually should have been apologising for, for what might even have ended up being forever if plot events hadn’t got in the way and changed things.

In short: during early chapter 5, Kaito manages to fuck up his own apology principles in both possible directions at once, both by not being able to apologise when he has made a mistake, and yet also by still believing that he should be apologising for something that genuinely isn’t his fault. Kaito’s issues make him into such a delightful hypocrite and I love it.

How Kaito gets it right again at last

At the end of trial 5, Kaito finally does give Shuichi the apology he’s owed him for the whole chapter. It’s great that he found the courage to do so and didn’t leave things unresolved, but that’s not the part that’s a sign of Kaito’s growth. It was always a given that Kaito would apologise in the end, because he always knew he needed to take responsibility for his mistakes.

The best part of Kaito’s final apology to Shuichi, the part that really does show how he’s grown, is the fact that, while giving it, he doesn’t unnecessarily apologise for anything he shouldn’t. The only thing he apologises for here is being too hard on Shuichi during Gonta’s trial: the lashing out that was his fault because it was under his control. He mentions being jealous of and feeling inferior to Shuichi, but he does not apologise for those feelings that he couldn’t help, because those aren’t his fault – he only brings it up to help Shuichi understand why he lashed out, and nothing else.

After two and a half chapters of internally beating himself up for not being a good enough hero, feeling like he should apologise and he should feel bad for “failing” Shuichi simply due to being an actual human being with weaknesses and struggles, Kaito has finally realised that that’s wrong. He’s accepted at last that things not going as perfectly for him and his heroism as he wished they would isn’t his fault, not if he gave it everything he had the whole way, which of course he always did. It’s an absolutely lovely sign that Kaito’s managed to make at least some progress with his issues about heroes just before the end.

…And then he goes and apologises to Maki, twice, for dying on her – not even in the sense that he’s about to be executed, which could be argued to be his fault, but simply in the sense that his illness is going to kill him no matter what. Of course Maki is hurting, but that isn’t Kaito’s fault and is the last thing he ever wanted to do to her, so it’s not something he needs to make himself feel any worse over than he already does! Granted, one of these is phrased as an “I’m sorry that you’re hurting” type of apology I mentioned earlier that doesn’t frame Kaito himself as responsible for Maki’s pain. But the other is literally, “My bad for making you cry like that,” which, no. God damn it, Kaito, you selfless idiot, you were doing so well.

[vettingsanders]

He Did Nothing For Years

The Bernie Sanders Story

I was going to title this post something that more adequately expresses my rage, like “Bernie Sanders is a Grifting Fuck and a Garbage Human,” but then I decided to be classy and paraphrase a quote from Evita instead.  But I’m also petty so consider the subtitle of this rant to be “A Grifting Fuck and a Garbage Human.”

I was going to wait to post this until the primaries are over because if by some unholy hell miracle Sanders wins the nomination, obviously we all have to unite behind even the shittiest, most doomed to fail candidate, but fuck it.  Vote blue no matter who, that goes without being said, but Sanders is the worst possible choice and was even when there were a dozen plus horses in this race, and now y’all are going to hear all the reasons why.

The Early Years: Sanders the Deadbeat

Sanders graduated from the university of Chicago in 1964 with a BA in Political Science and chose not to work until he was elected mayor of Burlington in 1981

I say “chose not to work” because he was fully capable but preferred being a bum.  He had no student debt, he had no health conditions that prevented him from working, and the 1960s were characterized by rapid growth of the workforce, with three out of four college graduates holding high level positions by 1970

Sanders occasionally did some freelance writing and carpentry during these years, according to his resume, probably so he could claim he was trying to work in order to collect unemployment.  Let’s take a look at some of his writings:

At age 28, he wrote an article for alternative newspaper The Vermont Freeman entitled “Cancer, Disease, and Society.”  In the article, he argues that sexual repression can cause cancer, and women who are virgins, have fewer orgasms than their peers, or simply don’t enjoy sex are more likely to develop cancer.  The article includes statements such as “the manner in which you bring up your daughter with regard to sexual attitudes may very well determine whether or not she will develop breast cancer, among other things” and “How much guilt, nervousness have you imbued in your daughter with regard to sex?  If she is 16, 3 years beyond puberty and the time which nature set forth for child-bearing, and spent a night out with her boyfriend, what is your reaction? Do you take her to a psychiatrist because she is “maladjusted” or a “prostitute,” or are you happy that she has found someone with whom she can share love?”  He also argues that the education system contributes to cancer, as does having “an old bitch of a teacher (and there are many of them).”  https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/2157403-sanders-cancer.html

In 1969, in another article for The Vermont Freeman, he wrote, “In Vermont, at a state beach, a mother is reprimanded by Authority for allowing her 6 month old daughter to go about without her diapers on. Now, if children go around naked, they are liable to see each others sexual organs, and maybe even touch them. Terrible thing! If we [raise] children up like this it will probably ruin the whole pornography business, not to mention the large segment of the general economy which makes its money by playing on peoples sexual frustrations.”  https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2015/07/bernie-sanders-vermont-freeman-sexual-freedom-fluoride/

His resume, incidentally, also lists him as a freelance youth counselor during his period of unemployment, which is just great.  The man who thinks thirteen year olds should be getting pregnant and children should touch each other’s genitals, counseling your kids.  Fantastic.

In the 1970s, Sanders stole electricity from his neighbors rather than paying his own bill.  https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2015/07/bernie-sanders-vermont-119927

He stole food from the refrigerator of The Vermont Freeman’s publishers https://newrepublic.com/article/122005/he-was-presidential-candidate-bernie-sanders-was-radical

 He was asked to leave a hippie commune in 1971 due to sitting around engaging in “endless political discussion” rather than working.  Let me repeat, he was too lazy for a hippie commune. https://freebeacon.com/politics/bernie-sanders-asked-leave-hippie-commune/

Now, all of this apart from the theft is arguably okay.  It’s his own life, and if he wants to squander it publishing poorly written essays and doing jack shit, whatever.  Except it wasn’t just his life, because he had a son, Levi.  And he was a deadbeat, paying no child support and causing Levi’s mother, Susan Mott, to rely on welfare, which made her face discrimination when trying to find housing.  https://twitter.com/m_mendozaferrer/status/1093295853907922946

Bernie Sanders is a deadbeat dad.  No respect.

Failing Upwards: Sanders the Politician

In 1971, Sanders joined the Vermont Liberty Union Party, a socialist political group.  From 1971 to 1977, Sanders was the party chief and habitually ran for office, failing every time.  He left the group in 1977, stating that they did not do enough to fight banks and corporations during non-election years.  This is just one example of Sanders decrying everyone else as too impure for him.

In 2016, the Vermont Liberty Union Party voted to brand Sanders as a war criminal.  Their general secretary, Peter Diamondstone, said of Sanders, “ He never was a socialist!"  https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/bnjby3/the-vermont-political-party-bernie-sanders-founded-isnt-into-him-anymore  This is just one example in the long list of Sanders alienating his allies.

He finally won the mayoral election for Burlington in 1981, by only ten votes. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1981_Burlington_mayoral_election

Sanders was only elected to the US House of Representatives in 1990 because he had the support of the National Rifle Association.  The incumbent Congressman, Republican Peter Smith, advocated for an assault weapons ban, so the NRA flooded Sanders with money.  https://www.sevendaysvt.com/vermont/stickin-to-his-guns-the-nra-helped-elect-bernie-sanders-to-congress-now-hes-telling-a-different-story/Content?oid=27816693

In 2006, 2012, and 2018, when running for the Senate, Sanders ran as a Democrat in the state primaries, then declined the Democratic nomination, and ran as an independent in the general.  This made it basically impossible for any Democrat to run against him.  https://www.politico.com/story/2018/05/21/bernie-sanders-democrat-independent-vermont-601844

After a landslide loss to Secretary Clinton in the 2016 Democratic primary, Sanders demanded changes to the DNC primary structure that would make the process easier for him to win with just a plurality of delegates instead of a majority.  These rule changes were the reason the 2020 Iowa caucus was such a clusterfuck. https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/bernie-sanders-iowa-caucus-winner-trump-democrats-a9317761.html

Despite all his talk of getting out the youth vote and inspiring disenfranchised voters, Sanders planned all along to squeak by with only thirty percent of the delegates in the 2020 primary by provoking infighting among other candidates to split the moderate vote.  The supposed movement he claimed to lead is a sham. https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2019/04/bernie-sanders-thinking-he-will-win-it-all-2020/587326/

“I Never Saw Him”: Sanders and Civil Rights

Sanders touts his participation in the March on Washington in 1963 as proof of his devotion to civil rights activism.  He loves to remind people that he marched with MLK, as seen during the She the People 2019 forum where he repeated that old chestnut for the millionth time and was booed by the attendees. https://www.thedailybeast.com/bernie-sanders-met-with-boos-after-name-dropping-martin-luther-king-at-she-the-people-summit

In actuality, Sanders was one of 250,000 people at the march, along with Mitch McConnell, who is clearly no champion for civil rights. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/7-things-know-about-sen-mitch-mcconnell-r-ky-part-flna6C10621413

Representative John Lewis, an actual civil rights hero who worked with Dr. King and whose skull was fractured by police on Bloody Sunday, said that he “never saw [Bernie Sanders].  I never met him,” during the movement. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/local/2016/02/11/john-lewis-never-saw-bernie-sanders-during-civil-rights-era/80263450/

Sanders was charged with resisting arrest during a segregation protest in Chicago in 1963, and was charged $25.  He later white flighted to Vermont, one of the whitest states in the country. https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/02/bernie-sanders-core-university-chicago/

Sanders never bothered to vote during the Civil Rights movement, only putting forth the effort when he himself was running. https://imgur.com/gallery/mmS40Gq#460q6bS

During his speech in Jacksonville on the 50th anniversary of MLK’s death, Sanders rewrote history and tried to claim that King’s real focus was economic justice and not civil rights.  "All of us know where he was when he was assassinated 50 years ago today.  He was in Memphis to stand with low-income sanitation workers who were being exploited ruthlessly, whose wages were abysmally low, and who were trying to create a union. That’s where he was. Because as the mayor just indicated, what he believed — and where he was a real threat to the establishment — is that of course we need civil rights in this country, but we also need economic justice.” https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/rubycramer/bernie-sanders-revolution-needs-black-voters-to-win-but-can

In thirty years in Congress, Sanders has not sponsored any bills pertaining to civil rights: https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/browse?sponsor=400357#current_status[]=28&enacted_ex=on

Sanders voted for the 1994 crime bill https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2020-election/bernie-sanders-has-dodged-criticism-crime-bill-vote-while-others-n1020726

In 1994, he praised the bill and stated that the US needed more jails.  https://twitter.com/KFILE/status/1221468426855755776

He touted his vote for the crime bill on his website at least until 2006, as proof he was “tough on crime” and “strong on the cops” https://web.archive.org/web/20061018180921/http:/www.bernie.org/truth/crime.html

In 2015, during a meeting with police reform activist group Campaign Zero, Sanders responded to being asked why he thought a disproportionate amount of people of color were incarcerated for nonviolent drug offenses with “Aren’t most of the people who sell the drugs African-American?”  Those present at the meeting stated, “Even confronted with figures and data to the contrary, Sanders appeared to have still struggled to grasp that he had made an error.” https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/rubycramer/bernie-sanders-revolution-needs-black-voters-to-win-but-can 

In 2018, fifteen racial and social justice leaders in Vermont, including multiple NAACP branch presidents, ACLU organizers, and BLM activists, sent an open letter to Sanders and the Sanders Institute to complain that they were “excluded” from the “national progressive movement that Senator Bernie Sanders is trying to foster.”  The letter asks “how could Senator Sanders host what is supposed to be an intersectional, progressive event without inviting the very people whom he serves?”  http://mediad.publicbroadcasting.net/p/vpr/files/201812/sanders-letter-2018.pdf

Curtiss Reed, Executive Director of the Vermont Partnership for Fairness and Diversity, stated that the exclusion of Vermont POC from the Sanders Institute’s event was “a catastrophic failure of his sort of tone deafness to marginalized communities in the state of Vermont” and added “I’m tempted to say this is no longer a question of benign neglect on the part of the senator, but willful ignorance on his part not to include marginalized voices in this national conversation on the progressive movement.”   https://www.vpr.org/post/we-find-ourselves-excluded-racial-justice-leaders-ask-bernie-sanders-get-program#stream/0 

Vermont Black leaders stated they were “invisible” to Sanders, and that the senator “was just really dismissive of anything that had to do with race and racism, saying that they didn’t have anything to do with the issues of income inequality.  He just always kept coming back to income inequality as a response, as if talking about income inequality would somehow make issues of racism go away.” https://www.thedailybeast.com/vermonts-black-leaders-we-were-invisible-to-bernie-sanders

In his 1998 autobiography, Sanders repeatedly and needlessly used the n-word. He chose to keep the word in the text when republishing the book in 2015.  https://www.inquisitr.com/5620596/bernie-sanders-under-fire-for-use-of-n-word-in-2015-book-clip-from-audiobook-version-goes-viral-friday/ 

“I Will Not Make It a Major Priority”: Sanders the Ally

During an interview as mayor of Burlington, Sanders said LGBTQ rights were not a “major priority” for him and he would “probably not” support a bill to protect gays from job discrimination.  https://slate.com/human-interest/2015/10/bernie-sanders-on-marriage-equality-hes-no-longtime-champion.html

Also during his time as mayor, Sanders signed a resolution affirming that marriage is between “husband and wife.” https://www.washingtonblade.com/2016/02/06/clinton-surrogates-pounce-on-sanders-over-82-marriage-resolution/

Sanders and his wife stated in 1996 that they opposed the Defense of Marriage Act simply because it would weaken states’ rights.  Only later did he claim his opposition was due to support for same-sex marriage. https://time.com/4089946/bernie-sanders-gay-marriage/

Sanders argued same-sex marriage was a states’ rights issue in 2006. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=57&v=kej9QAsS3uI&feature=emb_logo

In that same year, after same-sex civil unions had been legal in Vermont since 2000, he responded to a reporter asking if same-sex marriage should be legalized in Vermont with “Not right now,” after the “very divisive debate” preceding the civil union legislation. https://web.archive.org/web/20160407064606/http://www.timesargus.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060607/NEWS/606070302/1003/NEWS02

In thirty years in Congress, Sanders has not sponsored any bills pertaining to LGBTQ rights: https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/browse?sponsor=400357#current_status[]=28&enacted_ex=on  

Sanders the Warmonger

Sanders loves to tout his opposition to the Iraq War as proof of his moral superiority.  But in 1998, he voted for the Iraq Liberation Act, which states that “it should be the policy of the United States to support efforts to remove the regime headed by Saddam Hussein from power in Iraq.”  He also supported Clinton’s airstrike on Iraq.  https://www.govtrack.us/congress/votes/105-1998/h482

In 1999, Sanders had anti-war protesters at his office arrested. https://www.counterpunch.org/2015/07/27/bernie-sanders-savior-or-seducer-of-the-anti-war-left/

The Iraq War Bill that Sanders voted against required Bush to first try diplomatic efforts and abide by UN rules of military conduct.  It also required transparency and progress reports.  https://www.congress.gov/bill/107th-congress/house-joint-resolution/114/text

The Authorization for Use of Military Force Act (AUMF), which Sanders did vote for, required none of that and is the reason the Afghanistan War was so much of a clusterfuck.  Bush would have used the AUMF to invade Iraq even if Congress had voted down the Iraq Liberation Act.  The only person to vote against the AUMF was Representative Barbara Lee.  Sanders voted in favor of it.  https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/107/sjres23/text

Sanders claims to oppose the defense industry.  But he brought Lockheed Martin and their 1.2 trillion dollar, over budget, outdated stealth fighters to Vermont. https://www.thedailybeast.com/bernie-sanders-loves-this-dollar1-trillion-war-machine

During his tenure as mayor of Burlington, he fired the assistant city treasurer when she was jailed for an anti-war protest. https://academic.oup.com/publius/article-abstract/21/2/131/1917641?redirectedFrom=PDF 

Sanders the Healthcare Crusader

Sanders was chairman of the Senate Veteran Affairs Committee during a 2014 scandal when dozens of veterans died while waiting for medical care.  During his tenure, Sanders only held seven hearings on VA Oversight, as opposed to the House committee’s forty-two hearings.  Veterans argue that Sanders was too invested in the idea of the VA as a shining example of government healthcare to address its failings.  Despite the scandal and tragedy, Sanders as recently as 2017 bragged that  he was involved with “the most comprehensive VA health care bill in this country.” https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-veterans-scandal-on-bernie-sanderss-watch

He voted against the Clinton plan for universal healthcare in 1993.  https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/3/14/1501210/-Where-Was-Sanders-on-Health-Care-in-93-and-94-Against-the-Clintons

Sanders also voted against CHIP, the children’s health insurance program that AOC relied on to see a doctor in her youth: https://www.govtrack.us/congress/votes/105-1997/h345

Despite campaigning on Medicare for All since 2015, Sanders was unable to explain how much the program would cost during a 2020 60 Minutes interview.  https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/24/politics/bernie-sanders-donald-trump-2020/index.html

When Senator Warren did the math for him and released her detailed M4A plan, Sanders attacked her, calling his plan “more progressive” and saying hers would “have a very negative impact on creating jobs.” https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/03/politics/bernie-sanders-elizabeth-warren-health-care-plan/index.html

Sanders claims that his healthcare plan is standard in other countries.  But his M4A plan would ban private insurance, which is not done in any country but Canada.  In the Scandinavian countries Sanders loves to hold up as an example of government healthcare, the market for private insurance is growing.  https://aapsonline.org/no-bernie-other-countries-do-not-ban-private-care/

“Too Brassy, Too Bitchy”: Sanders the Feminist

In his autobiography, Sanders quoted an article calling his 1996 primary opponent Susan Sweetser “too brassy, too bitchy.” https://books.google.com/books?id=_2YjBm2_JGUC&pg=PA173&lpg=PA173&dq=sanders+too+brassy+too+bitchy&source=bl&ots=SWrIR5Xa8m&sig=ACfU3U2-Hj1-UXIOM0Zz274h6_Nu8juoBg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjHhtObq6LmAhWvUt8KHc8mDVUQ6AEwA3oECAkQAQ#v=onepage&q=sanders%20too%20brassy%20too%20bitchy&f=false

 In his Vermont Freeman article “Cancer, Disease, and Society,” Sanders called teachers “old bitch[es]” and blamed them for men developing cancer.  He also said women developed cancer due to sexual repression.  https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/2157403-sanders-cancer.html

Referring to their 1986 governor race, his opponent Madeleine Kuhn stated, “When Sanders was my opponent he focused like a laser beam on “class analysis,” in which “women’s issues” were essentially a distraction from more important issues. He urged voters not to vote for me just because I was a woman. That would be a “sexist position,” he declared.”  https://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/2016/02/04/when-bernie-sanders-ran-against-vermont/kNP6xUupbQ3Qbg9UUelvVM/story.html

Sanders called Planned Parenthood “a part of the establishment” because they endorsed Secretary Clinton for president.  https://www.politico.com/story/2016/01/planned-parenthood-bernie-sanders-218026

Sanders called Hillary Rodham Clinton, former law firm partner, former First Lady, former Senator, and former Secretary of State, unqualified to be president. https://www.cnn.com/2016/04/06/politics/bernie-sanders-hillary-clinton-qualified/index.html

In January 2020, leaked phone banking scripts from the Sanders campaign called Warren a candidate of the affluent who wouldn’t bring any new voters to the Democratic base.  https://www.politico.com/news/2020/01/11/bernie-quietly-goes-negative-on-warren-097594

In response, members of Warren’s campaign leaked information that, at a dinner in 2018, Sanders had told Warren he did not think a woman could win the presidency.  Sanders and his supporters decried this as a lie, even though reporters knew of the dinner and had been asking Warren if Sanders had discussed women’s electability there for over a year.  https://twitter.com/mlcalderone/status/1104477933886935040?s=19

Sanders supporters then flooded Elizabeth Warren and her supporters’ Twitter mentions with snake emojis.

Sanders said of Secretary Clinton, “It is not good enough for someone to say, ‘I’m a woman! Vote for me!” https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2016/11/21/13699956/sanders-clinton-democratic-party

Bending the Knee: Sanders the Dictatorship Fanboy

During a 2020 60 Minutes interview, Sanders inexplicably decided it would be a good idea to start praising Fidel Castro’s genocidal regime, stating, “We’re very opposed to the authoritarian nature of Cuba, but, you know, it’s unfair to simply say everything is bad. When Castro came into office, you know what he did? He had a massive literacy program.  Is that a bad thing, even though Fidel Castro did it?” https://www.vox.com/2020/2/24/21147388/bernie-sanders-cuba-60-minutes-nicaragua

He doubled down on this praise at the next debate, whining, “Really?  Really?” when the crowd booed him.  https://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics-government/article240627047.html

In 2014, Sanders visited Cuban prisoner Alan Gross, who lost over 100 pounds and five teeth during his captivity.  During the meeting, Gross recalls Sanders telling him, “I don't know what's so wrong with this country.”  https://www.npr.org/2020/03/04/811729200/former-prisoner-recalls-sanders-saying-i-don-t-know-what-s-so-wrong-with-cuba

In 1985, Sanders praised bread lines and food rationing.  “American journalists talk about how bad a country is because people are lining up for food.  That's a good thing. In other countries people don't line up for food. The rich get the food, and the poor starve to death." https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2020/2/21/1920767/-Time-to-switch-out-from-Bernie-he-praised-nations-with-bread-lines-that-s-a-good-thing-Danger

Sanders hung a USSR flag in his office as mayor of Burlington.  https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2019/feb/24/bernie-sanders-reveals-his-radical-inclinations-ov/

He honeymooned in the USSR, and praised the state of the Soviet Union. https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/inside-bernie-sanderss-1988-10-day-honeymoon-in-the-soviet-union/2019/05/02/db543e18-6a9c-11e9-a66d-a82d3f3d96d5_story.html

In the 1980s, Sanders attended a Sandinista rally in Nicaragua where the attendees chanted, “Here, there, everywhere, the Yankee will die.” https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/05/bernie-sanders-pro-sandinista-past-problem.html

Sanders recently praised China, saying that it has made "more progress in addressing extreme poverty than any country in the history of civilization." https://thehill.com/hilltv/rising/458976-sanders-china-had-done-more-to-address-extreme-poverty-than-any-country-in-the

“They Can’t Stop Us”: Sanders the Conspiracy Theorist

Despite conceding the 2016 primary and stating that “Secretary Clinton has won the Democratic nomination and I congratulate her for that” (https://www.cnn.com/2016/07/11/politics/hillary-clinton-bernie-sanders/index.html), he later made the Trump-esque statement “Some people say that if maybe that system was not rigged against me, I would have won the nomination and defeated Donald Trump.” https://www.newsweek.com/bernie-sanders-defeat-donald-trump-2016-rigged-primary-dnc-nbc-kasie-hunt-1446116

 On February 21, Sanders tweeted, “I've got news for the Republican establishment. I've got news for the Democratic establishment. They can't stop us.” https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/1231021453270769664

After Super Tuesday, Sanders stated that Buttigieg and Klobuchar were pressed to drop out as part of an establishment plot to defeat him. https://thehill.com/homenews/sunday-talk-shows/486503-sanders-klobuchar-and-buttigieg-ended-campaigns-under-great-deal

Sanders has repeatedly attacked the press as “paid by the corporations and billionaires who own the media.”  He’s promoted the conspiracy theory that Jeff Bezos makes The Washington Post write negative articles about him. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/aug/27/bernie-sanders-attacks-media-press-fair-or-trump-2020-democrats

During the Nicaraguan conflict, Sanders accused American reporters of ignoring the truth and told a CBS reporter, “you are worms.” https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/05/bernie-sanders-pro-sandinista-past-problem.html

Sanders accused The Washington Post of trying to harm him in the Nevada caucus by reporting on Russia’s attempts to boost his campaign. https://www.mediaite.com/tv/bernie-sanders-takes-a-shot-at-washington-post-good-friends-when-asked-about-timing-of-russia-report/

“We Support Them”: Sanders the Spoiler

Robert Mueller’s investigation found that Russian interference sought to boost both Sanders and Trump’s 2016 campaigns, stating “we support them.” https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/02/17/indictment-russians-also-tried-help-bernie-sanders-jill-stein-presidential-campaigns/348051002/

Sanders was well aware of the Russian efforts, stating “What we knew is–well, of course we knew that.  And of course we knew that they were trying to cause divisiveness within the Democratic party.  Uh, that’s no great secret.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDYbHult0Do

When The Washington Post reported on Russia’s efforts to boost Sanders in 2020, Sanders had already known for weeks and said nothing.  After the report came out, he attacked the Post and accused them of trying to tank his performance in the Nevada caucus, stating “I’ll let you guess, about one day before the Nevada caucus. Why do you think it came out?  It was The Washington Post?  Good friends.” https://www.mediaite.com/tv/bernie-sanders-takes-a-shot-at-washington-post-good-friends-when-asked-about-timing-of-russia-report/

The Fish Rots from the Head: The Sanders Campaign

The 2016 campaign breached the Clinton campaign’s voter data and harvested and stored voter information https://time.com/4155185/bernie-sanders-hillary-clinton-data/

The 2016 campaign received a 645 page letter from the FEC detailing the campaign’s finance violations (https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/05/the-bernie-sanders-donors-who-are-giving-too-much/482418/) and had to pay a $14.5 K fine to the FEC after receiving donations from non-citizens. https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/376373-sanders-campaign-pays-145k-fine-to-settle-fec-complaint

The 2016 Nevada campaign director sought to rig the state’s caucus by urging staffers to buy double-sided coins for tie-breaking coin tosses http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/sanderss-nevada-director-floated-two-sided-coins-for-tiebreaks-report/ar-AAhHiAI?getstaticpage=true&automatedTracking=staticview

The 2016 campaign initially decried superdelegates as “undemocratic” (https://www.cnn.com/2016/02/23/opinions/superdelegates-democratic-party-kohn/) before attempting to persuade them to go against the primary’s outcome and back Sanders instead of Clinton https://www.npr.org/2016/05/19/478705022/sanders-campaign-now-says-superdelegates-are-key-to-winning-nomination

The 2016 campaign was accused by staffers of sexual harassment, demeaning treatment toward women, and pay disparity by gender https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/02/us/politics/bernie-sanders-campaign-sexism.html

Weeks before the 2016 general election, Jane Sanders retweeted a video from an April town hall of her husband telling an attendee to “make these decisions yourself” regarding whether or not to vote third party if Secretary Clinton won the primary https://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/story/news/politics/2016/09/26/retweet-bernie-sanders-wife-jane-raises-questions/91140254/

The 2020 Sanders campaign appointed Russian interference denier and Jill Stein 2016 voter Briahna Joy Gray as the campaign’s National Press Secretary https://twitter.com/briebriejoy/status/888555665865814017?lang=en

Following promises to run a civil campaign, Sanders hired David Sirota, a man who’d spent months attacking other primary contenders online, as a speech writer.  The campaign also confirmed that Sirota had already been serving in an advisory role prior to his official hiring https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2019/03/sanders-promised-civility-hired-twitter-attack-dog/585259/

Press Secretary Briahna Joy Gray called for the doxing of a Sanders critic on Twitter. If there was any repercussion for this behavior, it has never been made public. https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2019/8/14/1879124/-Bernie-Sanders-s-Campaign-Doxed-a-Critic-on-Twitter

The 2020 campaign hired and fired YouTuber Matt Orfalea within 24 hours after being alerted of his sexist, racist, homophobic, and ableist content, suggesting he was not vetted before his hiring https://www.dailydot.com/layer8/bernie-sanders-matt-orfalea-mlk-youtube-video/

Despite his firing and the campaign decrying his behavior in October 2019, in January 2020 Jane Sanders was still retweeting and praising Orfalea.  https://twitter.com/Rob_Flaherty/status/1236861997398048768

In March 2020, Orfalea posed as a Biden volunteer and made calls to voters claiming that Biden has dementia.  https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/jgeanp/a-man-fired-from-sanders-campaign-is-calling-biden-voters-and-saying-he-has-dementia

They hired and fired Darius Khalil Gordon after two days after being alerted of his sexist, racist, anti-Semitic, homophobic, and ableist Tweets https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2019/12/bernie-sanders-new-head-organizer-called-people-fgs-bhes/

The campaign also hired former Women’s March leader Linda Sarsour as a campaign surrogate.  The Women’s March cut ties with Sarsour following anti-Semitic statements. https://nypost.com/2018/11/20/womens-march-founder-calls-on-current-leadership-to-step-down/

Sarsour was also condemned by the Anti-Defamation League for the statement that “a state like Israel that is based on supremacy, that is built on the idea that Jews are supreme to everyone else.” https://forward.com/news/national/435964/bernie-sanders-linda-sarsour-jewish-voters/

Sanders National Campaign Co-Chair Nina Turner claimed that Biden’s strong support among Black voters is due to the voters’ “short memories” and “not a true understanding of the history” https://thehill.com/hilltv/rising/473161-top-sanders-officials-hits-biden-over-riding-on-obamas-coattails

The 2020 campaign paid staffers working 60 hours a week an average of 13 dollars per hour despite Sanders campaigning on a 15 dollar per hour minimum wage https://www.vox.com/2019/7/20/20700841/bernie-sanders-minimum-wage-staff-pay

Bernie Bros attacked Biden’s Detroit rally on 3/9/20, striking senior aide Symone Sanders in the head with an iPad and knocking her down. https://www.politico.com/news/2020/03/10/joe-biden-detroit-protests-sanders-124874

“Nobody Likes Him”: Sanders Himself

In 1996, Congressman Barney Frank said of Sanders, “Bernie alienates his natural allies.  His holier-than-thou attitude—saying in a very loud voice he is smarter than everyone else and purer than everyone else—really undercuts his effectiveness.”  https://www.boston.com/news/politics/2016/04/11/history-barney-frank-bernie-sanders-criticize

In her recent Hulu documentary series, Hillary Rodham Clinton briefly spoke about Sanders, saying “He was in Congress for years.  He had one senator support him.  Nobody likes him, nobody wants to work with him, he got nothing done. He was a career politician. It's all just baloney and I feel so bad that people got sucked into it.” https://twitter.com/Burkmc/status/1235863901813661697?s=09

A former campaign staffer called Sanders “unbelievably abusive.”  Another campaign insider called him an asshole, and a former Senate staffer recounted, "He yelled in meetings all the time.”  https://www.sevendaysvt.com/vermont/anger-management-sanders-fights-for-employees-except-his-own/Content?oid=2834657

One aide stated that Sanders “never makes you feel like you’re good enough to be in the room with him.”  https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/06/us/politics/bernie-sanders-image.html

Sanders voted in favor of dumping nuclear waste on the poor and predominantly Latinx community of Sierra Blanca, Texas https://www.texastribune.org/2016/02/28/Sanders-Nuclear-Waste-Votes-Divide-Texas-Activists/

When asked if he would visit the site in Sierra Blanca, Sanders answered “Absolutely not.” https://archives.texasobserver.org/issue/1998/09/11#page=11

Sanders voted five times against the Brady Act which required universal background checks and a waiting period to buy firearms. https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2015/oct/13/hillary-clinton/hillary-clinton-bernie-sanders-voted-against-brady/o

He also voted against the AMBER Alert System. http://archive.boston.com/news/local/vermont/articles/2006/09/21/sanders_vote_on_amber_alert_emerges_as_key_campaign_issue/

He wanted to primary Obama in the 2012 election cycle. https://www.thenation.com/article/yes-bernie-sanders-wanted-obama-primaried-in-2012-heres-why/

After saying millionaire senators are immoral (https://www.cnn.com/2019/04/24/politics/bernie-millionaire-senators-immoral/index.html) and railing against millionaires and billionaires in his 2016 campaign, Sanders responded to criticism of his millionaire senator status by saying “if you write a best-selling book, you can be a millionaire, too.”  His stump speech now only rants about billionaires. https://theweek.com/speedreads/834228/bernie-sanders-says-millionaire-like-write-bestselling-book 

Upheld a ban on rock concerts as mayor of Burlington like a Footloose villain https://i.redd.it/atpybo1rcwa31.jpg

Despite running on forgiving student loan debt since 2015, when pressed for specifics during an interview with Dana Bash, Sanders responded, “I don't have the plan in my pocket right now,” because, you know, why on Earth should he know the details of his key campaign promises? https://mobile.twitter.com/DanaBashCNN/status/1137779734467792897

Two days before the 2016 general election, Sanders tweeted “I do not believe that most of the people who are thinking about voting for Mr. Trump are racist or sexist.” https://twitter.com/berniesanders/status/794941635931099136?lang=en

 Sanders had a heart attack at age 78, making his continued life expectancy 3.1 years. https://www.cardiovascularbusiness.com/topics/acute-coronary-syndrome/study-65-older-mi-patients-die-within-8-years

He could have dropped out of the race after his heart attack and endorsed Warren, and she could have spent the primary building coalitions with the demographics where she was the weakest, and could well have been the front runner by now.  Instead, he selfishly stayed in the race, screwing her over and knowing full well the odds are against him living through a single term.  He continued to do the only thing he’s good at: fucking everyone over.

Say whatever you want about Biden, it’s not like there aren’t things to say.  But I’ve seen so many posts about how “Sure, Biden’s the worst EVER, but he is EVER SO SLIGHTLY less worse than Trump,” and excuse me, fuck off.  Biden horribly lost his wife and daughter before his 1972 Senate term even started, and instead of dropping out, he continued to serve his constituents while commuting home two hours every night to raise his sons.  Meanwhile, in 1972, Sanders was a deadbeat bum stealing electricity.  There’s no comparison.

[celialestial]

Okay. Well, if I’m being honest, this episode was not the greatest. This is also the first analysis I’ve made for a show, at least that I’m posting. We’ll see how this goes. Strap in, this is going to be long. 

I think we have all learned by now that Jamie-focused episodes are never the strongest. I find it a bit ironic that in a show called Jamie Johnson, the least interesting character is Jamie himself. 

We finally saw the end of the, dare I say, idiotic Under-13s subplot. The classic “arguing friends are trapped in a room together until they make-up” trope was used to its, not fullest, but decent potential. The greatest part of this episode was the fact that their eighth-grade drama was resolved; that and the ten seconds of screentime Dillon received. Liam continues to prove that he has still not grown. Here’s my analysis of his development:

[I was going to insert a clever chart of his nonexistent growth, but I’m too lazy, sorry. Here’s a paragraph about it instead:]

Liam needs to learn that manipulating people and pretending to have changed is not maturity, it’s being an asshole. He has a terrible father, that’s true, but Dillon managed to change. Nothing has ever truly been at stake for Liam. He’s been able to lie and manipulate others to get out of all the trouble he’s caused. He was given a second chance to play with the Under-13s and has continued to use those around him in order to seem, I don’t know. Big? Powerful? All he has done is made the Three Musketeers dislike him even more. He has done absolutely nothing to earn their trust. I could go on and on about Liam Simmonds, which I suppose proves he’s an interesting character (that’s more than I can say about some people *cough* Jamie *cough*). 

Eric learns that Aisha has feelings for him too. Yay! He also learns that Aisha is much smarter and more mature than him, choosing to step back and give him time to be with his friends. Yay? Freddie has been incredibly weird this season. I can’t tell if he genuinely liked Aisha as more than a friend, or if he thought he was supposed to, given how much Eric liked her. This entire storyline comprised of way too much unnecessary drama. Looking at Instagram comments, however, it seems that it was very popular among younger kids. I suppose I am a bit too old to be criticizing middle school relationship drama in a children’s show. Poor Alba was practically thrown to the dogs in favor of a petty love triangle. All of their problems were wrapped up so neatly, it felt a bit uncomfortable. Like they didn’t deserve this ending. 

I don’t know if it’s just me, but something about this episode seemed off. When comparing it to other episodes with similar premises, the lack of emotion and genuineness becomes obvious. Take episode 10, for example, there were many (and I mean many) subplots. It was a little all over the place. And yet, the end of the episode left me feeling bittersweet, intrigued, and wanting more. This episode didn’t do that. I am sick of Jamie’s bullshit and tired of this dumb love triangle. Thankfully, the latter is complete now. 

Onto Jamie’s storyline:

1) I told y’all Jetpac11 would be Jethro! These are some big brain hours.

2) This boy is supposed to be the TITLE character. His storyline is meant to be the most in depth, the most interesting, and, above all else, the most entertaining. It is none of those things. The stakes are supposed to be high, and they are, but they don’t feel like it? He supposedly lost his place at Hawkstone over a goddamn video game. Why don’t I feel anything except contempt? If not frustration at Jamie, then frustration at Ian, who I suppose I should be used to by now. Everyone says Jamie should know better than to trust him after all he’s done. That he should just listen to Mike. Obviously that’s true, but Ian was on his side, not the other way around. Ian enabled Jamie and allowed him to make a stupid decision, one that has huge consequences. Ian didn’t tell Jamie to keep playing for his own gain, well, kind of. He let Jamie keep playing because he though it would make him happy and regain his trust. It’s the same reason Mike lied to Hawkstone. Both adults displayed extremely poor judgement, Ian just far more so, as always. I must admit that I have zero interest in video games. I also have zero interest in soccer (or, rather, football). Yet this show keeps me interested in the matches and invested in the characters. They have failed at maintaining my interest in this video gaming storyline. Part of this could be because I find Jamie boring and repetitive, or maybe he simply seems that way due to the plethora of vastly more compelling side characters. All I have learned from this is that Jamie is a pretty terrible friend, a poor judge of character, and impulsive. These are all faults he has had since season 1, except he used to be a genuinely decent friend. He has grown more self-involved and one-sighted (and one-sided, as in one-dimensional, or you could take it literally, seeing as one leg is currently out of commission). I get that he was hit by a car and his leg is broken. He doesn’t see a future in soccer for himself anymore. Mike is right, though, he should be focused on getting better and being able to play again. I don’t even like Mike most of the time -- I honestly find him fairly annoying, although this may be due to the acting -- but he is the only sane one in the Johnson family right now. Both of Jamie’s parents are enabling him and Mike has too, though only for around an episode and a half. I am so happy this storyline will be resolved next week. I am sure we will still be left with a cliffhanger at the end, as with every season. 

Dillon also got a bit of screentime in this episode (wow, a whole twenty seconds!). I really do like the way the writers are portraying how conflicted he is. He is torn between living a lie or risking his future as a professional player. I understand why they introduced Elliot. He was Dillon’s first crush and I think he was necessary for Dillon to come to terms with his sexuality. Where they messed up with Elliot, however, is by entirely removing him from the show after he fulfilled his purpose of giving Dillon the strength to come out. Just as @mcustorm said, he was a plot device and it was out of character for him to out Dillon. I could probably write a whole essay about how dirty both Elliot and Kat were done. The only way using exclusively Ruby to further Dillon’s storyline would’ve worked was if they kept the whole “Ruby has a crush on Dillon” thing from season 4. Doing that would likely ruin their entire dynamic as best friends and make things awkward. If they had done that and made, say Harry or Michel his first crush, they wouldn’t need Elliot to be Dillon’s first real crush. Although, Dillon was only around 11 or 12, and most real crushes don’t hit until 13-14, at least in my experience. Also if they had ruined Dillon and Ruby’s dynamic, then Dillon would have no real support system. I can’t really see Ruby abandoning Dillon over this, though, even if she had an unrequited crush. 

Next week should wrap up both Jamie’s and Dillon’s storylines. It will also be the final episode of season 5! A lot to look forward to and a lot to be absolutely terrified of, not to mention the fact that season 6 production has been postponed for obvious reasons. 

TL;DR:

It’s the end of the Under-13s drama! And possibly the end of Aisha, knowing how JJ deals with its newly irrelevant characters.

Jamie is being stupid and probably lost his chances of getting into Hawkstone. Or maybe not, considering he’s the protagonist of a kid’s show. JJ does have a habit of dealing out real consequences, though, so who knows.

Dillon got... something? He’s feeling conflicted, which is entirely natural, especially at this stage in his coming out. 

Next week is the last episode! Stay tuned for more, I guess. Let me know if you guys enjoyed this type of proper analysis. 

[sage-druid]

I miss Helena Klein

Am I the only one going through serious Helena Klein withdrawal? I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I am not a professional writer, but I decided to test out some creative writing skills over at AO3 by writing a continuing series. I am a little nervous about posting this here. But, it was kinda sad that my account kept mocking me, showing how lame I was for having no posts.  Thus, I have relented and here I am.  Please be gentle.  Seriously, let me know how bad it is so I can stop torturing the world with bad writing :)

The series is based off a different death of the Witch Queen that will ultimately lead to a different way of life for MC and Helena. Because, lets face it, a gazillion fans were really disappointed in the way she died and the final season. I have titled the series: The Love of Every Lifetime to Come.  Here is my first attempt at writing. (deep breath)

--------------

Title: Not While I Live and Breathe

MC rushed to Helena's side. "We got this this babe. I'll distract her and you take her out! This ends here and now!"

In moments like this, "Good Luck" seems like an appropriate parting phrase when embarking on the single most important task of putting an end to pure evil, once and for all. But when MC looked into the crystal blue eyes of the woman who held heart and soul, the only words that came to mind were "I love you with all of my heart". While not really appropriate for battle, they summed up all of the feelings they shared, that had gotten them to this point. MC was so proud of how far Helena had come. She now had won the respect and admiration of thousands. She saved the Retainers and armies with her magic, instead of killing races as ordered. She brought back the light of the sun which facilitates the growth of all things. For the first time in Helena's life, she had a family and a support system of friends. She even had armor that she looked really hot in. The gift of her armor that would protect her and the blades that would now end the world of destruction were given out of respect for everything she had endured to get to this point. She was no longer "General" Helena Klein, killer of a race. No longer, was she the weapon of destruction at mercy of the Witch Queen. She was "Curse Breaker". The woman who could bring peace through growth. Such a fitting power for a woman who had gone through such hell and grown so much. The fate of the world was now in her hands. MC looked deeply into Helena's eyes and said, "You are the most amazing woman in EVERY world. You can do this, babe. I am here with you. I love you so much."

"My love, you are my strength and reason for my breath. You are the love of this life and every lifetime to come", Helena whispered as she held MC's face in her hands. The parting kiss that followed was delivered with such passion and power that it left both nearly breathless. MC felt an overwhelming rush of warmth and power. The protective shield had wrapped around MC like a warm blanket that had been hanging out in the sun all day. She felt safe and empowered at the same time. They had, in that moment, given each other the power each needed to finish the deed. The power of that kiss could last a lifetime.

"Isn't this sweet, Little Light? One final tender moment between you and your pet before you return to where you belong. I suppose I can allow it, considering it will be the last time", the Witch Queen mocked as lightening pulsed from her finger tips. The charge was growing at such a rate, it appeared to surround her entirely. "Surrender to me or I will freeze her in such a state that not even Altea's magic will melt away the prison". Altea rolled her eyes and huffed as she continued to produce her counter spell, "Whatever, bitch! I killed you before and I can kill you again".

"Ya know, I have had enough of your comments", MC raced with haste to the other side of the room to create a distance between herself and Helena. ("I just need to give her time", MC thought.) "Everything from your mouth is complete and utter bullshit. She is right where she belongs. Why would she return to a woman who hurt her in every way possible and then disguised that abuse as love? Seriously, you are like the evil ex from hell. If I could, I would slap that crown right off your evil, messed up head!" MC raced forward, gave the Witch Queen a quick but powerful shove, and raced backed into the corner all in the blink of an eye before the Witch Queen could react. It wasn't enough power to really do anything, other than make her step back on one foot. Still, it got that "don't touch my girlfriend" point across. And more importantly it gave Helena the opportunity to advance.

"You think your pathetic attempt to distract me is going to work, girl? Not even slightly. And now it is time that you receive your first lesson in disobedience as Helena has learned so many times", the Witch Queen glared as she turned towards Helena and shot ice blue sparks from her fingertips. She stopped Helena right in her tracks. It was horrible. She was frozen in place. "But my Little Light, we can't have you interrupting now, can we? Wait there and watch as I show your fool of a pet how ice can burn her soul", she cackled in a deep voice.

"I hate HER. I hate her so much", thought MC. MC turned towards Altea with a "do something will ya?" look in her eyes. Altea shifted her focus from her current counter spell and started casting a new form of magic in the direction of Helena, that brought forth a pink glow from her staff. Slowly, you could see what appeared to be water droplets forming and hitting the floor like rain drops. It wasn't working fast, but it was doing the job of defrosting Helena at an agonizingly slow pace. A painfully slow pace that resembled the movement of a sloth on a summer's day. While the Witch Queen's attention was focused on Helena, August jumped to his feet and rushed towards the Witch Queen. He never quite got there. Two paces from the Witch Queen was where he was when he was pushed back with such a force that he was thrown clear across the room and knocked unconscious. Then the Witch Queen cast the ice wall spell that was previously seen at the bridge. On one side of the wall were the Retainers. On the other side was the Witch Queen, MC and Helena. The good news was, that it appeared that Altea's spell was still working. When the Witch Queen saw this she grimaced.

"Let's see if I can turn that heart of yours into a block of ice before Altea can melt her way to Helena's. After all that is the part of you that she treasures most, is it not? I think it's time us to have a true heart to heart.", smirked the Witch Queen as she faced MC.

Ya know, I think she has a point. While I am most definitely sure that there are other parts of my body that Helena has enjoyed and has proven on countless occasions that she deeply treasures, at the end of the day, I think my heart is what really sealed the deal. Now, how the hell do I stay alive long enough to distract the Witch Queen long enough to let Altea's spell work it's magic? Right! Use my mouth!

"Talk, Talk, Talk. Blah, blah, blah. Everything out of your mouth is boring the shit out of everyone in this room. Will you please shut the hell up. I have a headache already", mocked MC. "Let's have that woman to woman talk. Because there's quite a few things I want to say as well you miserable, pathetic excuse for a queen. The queens in my world, either do great and meaningful things for the their people or provide endless hours of entertainment on RuPaul's Drag Race".

Ishara and Reiner glanced at each other while exchanging very puzzled looks. "What's a drag race?", Iseul asked Saerys with raised eyebrows. "I am sure that I have no idea.", replied Saerys as he shrugged his shoulders. "Guys, really? It is impossible to focus with you two going on like that.", huffed Altea. "I am doing something important over here. Now shut up and help. Focus your energy on Helena so she can help me get her out of there!"

"Do you know how many times I have dreamed of ripping your face off?" continued MC. "How many nights I have pictured myself beating you until you were half dead, so exhausted that you barely had enough strength to breathe? Sounds familiar right? Oh yeah, to you it was a means to an end. To get and keep control so that you could use her to inflict destruction with a power that you will never have. She has more power in her little finger, than you have in your entire body. Without Helena, you are NOTHING!" MC was building herself into a state of rage. Her face was as red as a cherry. She could feel the heat coming from her face.

But all of this was no longer necessary, for with the help of the Retainers focus for her to pull energy from, Helena had finally broken free from the ice. This was the last time that the Witch Queen would control her. She lunged forward. Amazingly, not towards the Witch Queen, but towards MC. She had given up the advantage to be beside the woman who was the reason why she lived. She tackled MC and kissed her deeply, just as she had done when this started. But for Helena’s part, there was a clear and deliberate reason for making this choice.

"Du bist die Liebe jedes Lebens. Ich würde für dein Herz sterben.", Helena said with tears in her eyes. She grabbed her swords, stood and faced the Witch Queen one last time. (Translation: You are the love of every life. I would die for your heart.)

"ENOUGH!", howled the Witch Queen. "I will not be denied! You will give yourself to me, either alive or dead. The choice is yours."

"I will NEVER give myself to you ever again!", Helena retorted as she stared the Witch Queen in the eyes.

"FINE! Dead it is then!". The Witch Queen erupted in a electric ball of sparks, stepped forward and threw all that cosmic force into Helena's chest. She flew through the air with such a force that when she was pushed into the ice wall, it shattered. She fell to the ground while still clutching her swords. Everyone was now in the room with the Witch Queen. Static electricity filled the air so much that everyone's hair stood on end as if they were all waiting simultaneously to be struck by lightening.

"NOOOOO!" screamed MC as she flashed by the Witch Queen, still filled with haste spell that her fallen beloved had bestowed upon her. The scream echoed through the room.

MC dropped to her knees at the body her broken betrothed. Helena's eyes were still open, but there was no movement. Crimson red had shrouded her body. Both ice and armor were completely covered in a sticky substance, known by any untrained eye as blood. But it was not anyone's blood. It was the blood of her soulmate. Her reason for being. The woman who had worked so hard to overcome the atrocities of a woman who left her so damaged. She was now laying broken and bloody on the floor. Again. Her once golden hair, now saturated with her own blood, smelled greatly of iron. The smell was so overwhelming that it drowned out any hint of lavender, normally present in the air. MC bent down to take hold of her love. There was no breath. There was no subtle pounding in her throat. The Witch Queen had claimed her finally. She had possessed her totally, once and for all. MC opened her mouth and let out a primal scream that was never heard.

"Well, that's not quite what I intended. But I guess it serves it purpose.", chuckled the Witch Queen. "I told you, Little Light, if I can't have you, then no one will. I am your Queen and you will always belong to me."

Now, at this time I am sure there were a million things that could have come into MC's mind. But her state was a mix of desperation and a deep seething rage that was beginning to possess her. It was the most primal of emotions that allowed only two things to surface. One was a vision of Helena laying naked on the floor, with arms and legs chained to four separate post. She was bloody. Covered in sweat, tears, and vomit and crying out in pain. The other, was far more disturbing for MC than the visual, as bad as it was. The other was auditory. "I promise you this, babe. She will never hurt you again." It was this, that would haunt MC for the rest of her life. And this broken promise had pushed her to the point that she decided then and there, that she could not continue to live, having failed so terribly. And there was one woman responsible for this gut wrenching pain and she would never live long enough to enjoy this victory. MC would not allow the Witch Queen to touch her love again. MC bent down and kissed Helena's cold lips one last time and removed Helena's swords from her hands and took them within her own. "With my last breath, sweetheart, this final oath I will keep. Our love shall be eternal.", whispered MC. She stood, looked up at the the tall ceiling and said while not even looking at the Witch Queen, "NOT WHILE THERE IS BREATH IN MY BODY WILL YOU EVER TOUCH HER AGAIN!"

Still empowered with haste, MC ran straight towards the Witch Queen and leaped into the air. As she flew through the air several feet, she drew the swords back. In one carefully calculated moment, she brought both blades together in a sweeping scissor motion and severed the head of the Witch Queen, thus removing it entirely from her body. She dropped to the floor, covered in both the blood of the Witch Queen and her beloved, and let out a gut wrenching primal scream that shook the walls of the room. She bent down and removed the crown from the decapitated head and walked over to Helena's body. Lifting Helena gently, she cradled her in her arms. Then she placed the crown on Helena's head and said, "This always belonged to you, sweetheart. May it serve you well where ever you are now. I shall see you soon. Wait for me."

--------------

Should I post the next episode?

[emblemxeno]

(3H SPOILERS) Analysis of Main Characters in FE and the Western FE Community’s Perception of Them

In the midst of all the Three Houses hype, there’s a lot of contention with Edelgard as a character as well as her route in general with how it plays out.

With this, it’s given me some perspective on how the community feels about main characters and whether or not they are liked and/or well written. Since I am a Westerner myself, please always assume this is in the context of the western FE audience, as I don’t know enough about the JP audience to do comparisons or whatnot.

Now with this, there’s more or less a pattern with some main characters in how they’re received by western fans. (Sigurd, Seliph, Leif, Roy and Kris won’t be covered in this since I haven’t read enough of their games’ scripts to get a grasp on them)

The most contentious main characters by far are Eirika, Micaiah, Corrin and Celica (when I say contentious I don’t mean unpopular as they have many fans; however, though popular, they also have the most detractors). 

These characters all have very defined flaws that get them in trouble in their games, are peace seeking in general and look for peaceful ways unless there is no other choice, and all do questionable things in their stories that call for doubt, discussion, and criticism. Most of their development comes from making mistakes and learning from them. They are also all known for getting into situations where they either need rescue or because of something they fucked up.

The least contentious main characters (compared to the four above, I might add) are Hector, Ephraim, Ike, and Alm. 

They may or may not have noticeable flaws, but they hardly ever cause trouble for them. They may or may not seek peace at some opportunities, but are always willing, with no hesitation, to fight. They are all blunt and speak their mind, and though sometimes that poses situations where they could get into trouble, but they never really do. Most of their development comes from growth after bad things happening to them rather than something that they messed up.

In this, realize that main characters are the ones that people identify with the most, therefore, there’s a reason for certain characters to be less contentious than others. In particular, the reason for FE main characters?

It’s probably a little bitchy to say it like this, but it’s kind of power fantasy esque. 

Hector, Ephraim, Ike, and Alm all have great authority/renown within their groups or territories and are always seemingly in control of the situation. They are hardly questioned, and when they are they are almost always proven right. In short, the players like these characters because they are validated as strong, intelligent, and almost always in control of the moment. Since these are the characters players identify with, the players themselves feel validated.

In contrast, compare to them Eirika, Micaiah, Corrin and Celica. They hold little authority (compared to the other four), are questioned and not always proven right, doubted at some points, they question and doubt themselves, they’re not as notably strong in various fields like the other four so they don’t get validated as the other four. Being main characters, these are also characters that players are to identify with, but since they have unattractive/undesirable qualities to them, (and because FE players always believe they themselves have the perfect solutions to everything) they are instead cast aside as being badly written, stupid, incompetent, and the oh so misused moniker, Mary Sue. 

(Well, Celica doesn’t really get called that, but that’s because she wasn’t known by the audience that uses it frequently, and Echoes came out at a period when people stopped using it wrongly)

Again, I don’t wanna sound condescending, but power fantasy is really what I get from this.

Now there is sort of a problem with this theory, and that’s Ephraim, because he’s contentious in his own right because of the shit he pulls in FE8, but he gets less flack than his sister, Corrin, and Micaiah, so...

Anyway, besides the characters I intentionally left out because I didn’t know enough about them, there remains Marth, Lyn, Eliwood, Chrom, Robin, and the 3H Lords.

What’s notable about Mar-Mar is that his Shadow Dragon interpretation is very well received over here in the west. Marth in Shadow Dragon is written as being more blunt, and not really questioning himself, his actions, or anything that happens around him. Notice how this is very much unique to SD, as the original Dark Dragon script as well as Mystery and New Mystery portray softer, more idealistic Mar-Mars. Heroes also takes after those portrayals. Yet the audience here likes the SD portrayal the best; the one most similar to Hector, Ephraim, Ike, and Alm.

Lyn is in an interesting situation; she’s very much in control and she’s not as unimportant in the story as some say, but it’s still very much Eliwood’s story. Which makes it all the more weird that Hector shines over poor Eli. Had Lyn not been many players first Waifu FE lord, Hector would no doubt be the most popular one. Compared to Hec, Eli is peaceseeking and idealistic, though not to the point of the more contentious lords, so he gets passed on compared to his friends, but not to the point where people think he’s badly written.

Chrom and Robin are in an interesting situation as well, as the story is Chrom’s and then gradually become’s Robin’s story as it nears the end. (Some say they stole it from Chrom, but I would say it’s like the spotlight slowly drifted from him to them) 

Chrom doesn’t have a notable flaw that gets him into danger, and is in control/has authority throughout a good deal of the campaign, but also very emotional and starts looking for peaceful solutions more often than say Hector, Ephraim, Ike, and Alm. Chrom tries to reason with Walhart, even, and those other four would never. So he’s kind of at an in between. Robin... is kind of hard to discern. They are supposed to be the character the player identifies with more since they are the avatar. We do see that they are in control as well and never makes to many mistakes. But they’re also batshit crazy for setting fleets on fire and fighting in a volcano. Having the player suspend their disbelief like that isn’t the best thing for identifying with a character, but it seems people like them enough for other reasons so indirect validation isn’t as prominent a thing with them.

Then come the 3H lords, and oh my, they do not fit into any sort of mold whatsoever; not perfectly anyway.

Byleth being a complete blank slate means they are truly in the middle on things; despite being the least customizable in appearance, they are the most avatar like of the FE avatars. The player can feel true, direct validation from the 3H cast as you get to pick which dialogue choices you want, and do other things at your own pace. (Unless you care about support points) As a character they’re not anything too special, but since they are a true avatar, they’re not seen as bad as say, Corrin, because the player can literally be who they want through Byleth and be validated by the story at the same time.

Edelgard, (the most discussed of the lords) is also unique. Never has a main character been so extreme in how they accomplish things. From what I’ve gathered from FE4, she’s Arvis like. And yet, she’s a protagonist in one possible outcome. She has the attractive qualities of protagonists like Hector and Ike, (being in control/having authority, speaking her mind) yet she’s contentious because unlike them her morality is very grey. The very definition of the ends justify the means. There’s a reason her title in Heroes is ‘The Future’. Because her goal and ambition is for the future, with no limit on what she’ll do to get there.

Dimitri is unique because he starts off as model prince, honor loving, sweet boy with bad hair. Then you gradually notice strange things about him, then Remire happens, then you learn he’s at the academy for revenge, then he goes feral at the Holy Tomb, and descends even further for 5 years, until he’s a revenge obsessed beast. He then begins his ascent back to being a proper king for his people (he’s more deserving of the title Restoration King than Ephraim, but that’s just me). There’s never been a main character in FE that falls so low and then climbs back up like that.

Claude himself is unique as well. Besides being the most well adjusted of the three lords, he’s actually pretty idealistic compared to them. He has big dreams and ambitions for Fodlan, and his main concerns are with the world at large, and his story doesn’t end with the major war among the 3 factions. He’s intelligent enough to not be blinded by emotion like Dimitri but also keen enough enough to realize that pure brute force isn’t the only option unlike with Edelgard. He’s very much a middle ground, but a middle ground that’s like a bell curve instead of a straight line, since Edie and Dima both fall hard and do messed up things, but are still not completely terrible people, whereas Claude is nowhere as extreme as they are and feels like a true balance.

If nothing else, 3 Houses achieves something very different with all of its main characters for once.

Anway, that’s kind of all I have. Sorry for the long post, but Fire Emblem is my #1 game series for a reason, so I get big into these passion analyses sometimes.

[sheewolf85]

A New Kind of Love

Summary: Sequel/Prequel to "The Best Daddy", set during the pregnancy. Based on a Discord conversation between myself and Keelywolfe. Stretch notices Edge is displaying some signs of possibly changing his mind about having this baby.

Notes: In my first oneshot with Cyperus, I left it up to the audience to decide how the little babybones came into the world. I've changed things up a bit for this one because I wanted to go a bit deeper.

Also, this isn't supposed to be set in the BAON universe. Maybe a BAON AU or something if Keely's okay with that, but I certainly don't want anyone thinking that I'm stealing Keelywolfe's universe. Nope.

Read it on AO3 here.

Or keep reading under the cut:

When the topic of children first came up, Stretch was hesitant to say he’d ever want to be a parent. Scratch that, he was downright positive that he never wanted kids.

Edge hadn’t questioned him for a reason, hadn’t seemed upset or disappointed in the least; he’d only accepted that Stretch that didn’t want that.

The truth was that he was certain he’d mess a kid up. Mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and all the other -ally’s. He was sick so often that he’d just make the kid worry about him, and it was bad enough that Edge had to worry about him all the damn time. He had trouble with commitment, and yeah he planned on committing to Edge for a while but that was different. Edge didn’t depend on him the way a kid would.

Their relationship hadn’t been new at the time, but they both still bore the title of boyfriend.

A few years later, after they’d been through so much together, gotten engaged and then married, after loving and laughing and arguing and getting back together, Stretch realized his opinion on children had changed.

Edge had brought it up a few times, never to harass or to beg, only to check in. He still never pushed or questioned, only accepted whatever answer Stretch felt he could give at the time.

The day came when Stretch could honestly say he’d been thinking about it, and the look of pure joy on Edge’s face had pushed him from merely thinking about it to actively trying to get himself ready to be a parent.

Once the decision to bring a child into the world had been made, they had to figure out how they were going to do it. Stretch’s first thought was that he would be the one to carry the child since Edge worked full time and was the main breadwinner of the household. Sure Stretch had his own contributions, some of them pretty important in a long-term sense, but literally nobody outside of a few select skeletons and the king knew about those.

Edge brought logic to the table, gently reminding Stretch with sorrow in his sockets that his health may not support the full-term growth of a child. That started visits to doctors to learn as much as they could about skeleton reproduction.

In the end, it was Edge who would carry their child. Stretch couldn’t say that he wasn’t relieved, but there was also a part of him that was a little jealous. It didn’t help that he had to explain to what felt like a million different people that Edge wasn’t carrying because Stretch didn’t want to or was too lazy or selfish to do it himself, but rather because Edge’s magic was stable and his health impeccable, essentially the exact opposite of Stretch.

Jealousy faded, however, and by the fourth month when Edge started showing and had to get his suits tailored to accommodate a baby belly, Stretch was filled with nothing but awe and adoration for his husband.

One morning, just after the six month mark, Stretch woke up to Edge grumbling about his routine being ripped out from under him.

Stretch opened his sockets to see Edge standing in an adjusted running outfit in front of the closet, pointing at his belly as he mumbled some stern admonishment or another.

“you okay, babe?” Stretch asked, his voice thick with sleep.

Edge turned around and smiled, his outward level of irritation dropping from a grumble to a tight smile. “Yes, love. I’ve just discovered this morning that running is a bit more difficult than it used to be.”  He huffed and walked over to the bed to sit on the side of it. “And by that I mean I ended up gagging by the side of the road halfway through my route. This child is likely to take after you; running makes them nauseous.”

Stretch grinned up at his handsome hubby, reaching to take his hand. “i’m sorry they’re not cooperating with your routine, babe.”

Edge nodded, then lifted their clasped hands to kiss Stretch’s knuckles. “First my coffee, and now this. The things I do for my family.”

Family.

Such a simple word to some, but it meant more to Stretch now than he could have ever dreamed.

“maybe you just need to slow down or not run so many miles? or maybe we should go talk to alphys if you think--”

“It was just a little nausea, love; everything is fine. I’ll give it a few days and try again, but I’ll go slower like you suggested.” He leaned down that time, catching Stretch’s mouth in a lovely kiss. “Do you want to go back to sleep, or do you want to get up and have some breakfast with me?”

The temptation to go back to sleep was there, but he passed it over for the opportunity to spend a little extra time with his baby. Well...his husband and his baby. Yeah, that wasn’t going to get confusing or anything. They were both his babies, just different kinds. A baby within a baby.

He kept his snicker to himself as he got up and followed Edge to the shower.

-------------------------------

As the next two months passed, Stretch began to notice things.

At first, he was pretty sure he was imagining it all. He was projecting his own previous fears of being a parent onto Edge. That was all.

Surely Edge was just tired when Alphys showed them the screen with the image of their child’s growing frame and their little pulsing soul. He wasn’t bored, and he wasn’t disinterested. He was tired. Alphys had even scolded him a little, saying he needed to get some more rest; their baby was half Stretch, after all.

During the first few months of the pregnancy, Edge was definitely the more excited of the two of them. Not that Stretch wasn’t, it was just that Edge had wanted this for so long and now that it was here, he was celebrating with all the cheer he knew how to show.

But now, Stretch was seeing something else in Edge’s demeanor when he talked to people about their baby. He really wanted to believe it was a combination of many things, not the least of which being that Edge had grown accustomed to being pregnant and no longer felt the need to show off his excitement. People knew he was happy to soon be a father. He didn’t need to show it all the time.

Something else started to eat at Stretch, however, as he watched Edge talking to someone he worked with at the embassy. They were at the market, and Stretch had wandered off as he usually did. Making his way back, he stopped to watch. He couldn’t say why. Maybe it was because he suddenly realized just how exhausted Edge looked. Or maybe it was because of the way he gestured toward his belly, as if he resented the thing. Then again, it could have been the expression of discontent on his face; he honestly looked like he’d rather be anywhere but here.

“Is everything okay?” a voice asked beside him.

Stretch looked over to see Jennie, a young Bun monster with a newborn of her own cradled in her arms, standing beside him.

“uh, yeah, i think so. why?” He looked back at Edge. Damn, he had never seen Edge so done with everything.

Jennie smiled tightly, like she knew something but didn’t want to say it. “Just...he doesn’t look very happy, does he?” She sighed and looked down at her little one. “Having a baby changes you, y’know? You have to make so many sacrifices. I know I shouldn’t say this, but if I could go back I would have waited. Or maybe I’d never have kids at all.”

For one delirious moment, Stretch didn’t understand. And then it hit him.

Regret.

He looked at Edge again, and so many little expressions and actions all fell into place.

Was Edge having second thoughts? Had he changed his mind about being a dad? Or maybe about having kids with Stretch?

They had both done everything they could to make sure that Stretch’s shitty health couldn’t hurt their baby, but there had already been so many things that Edge had to change because the baby was half Stretch. He’d had to give up so much more than he’d anticipated, and certainly if he’d had another partner he could have let them carry the child instead.

He said goodbye to Jennie and went up to Edge. He didn’t know what he was going to say or how he was going to bring any of this up, but he knew he’d have to.

And yet, the moment Edge saw him, his entire demeanor changed. His posture straightened, his mouth turned up in the secret smile that Stretch loved so much, and even his eye lights brightened a bit. He still looked tired, but everything else melted away.

No, that was wrong. It wasn’t gone, it was hidden. Edge was hiding it from him.

Edge didn’t hide things. Not from Stretch. Not from anyone, really, especially not his annoyance. His pleasure and his happiness were reserved for those closest to him, but he wore his irritation like a badge of honor.

To see him hiding now was just another kick in the chest. Edge didn’t want to hurt him, and so was pretending that everything was fine while inside he was probably searching frantically for a way out of this.

By the time they made it home that evening, Stretch had convinced himself that Edge regretted every part of their relationship. If he’d only chosen another partner, he could be happy. If he hadn’t talked Stretch into having a child, maybe they’d still be okay.

In Stretch’s mind, there were only two possible outcomes to this scenario:

The first, Edge lived the rest of his life resenting both Stretch and their child for everything he had to give up. He would choose to stay, because he wouldn’t break a promise he’d made to Stretch, but every day would be miserable for him. In turn, both Stretch and their child would be miserable as well. Stretch would end up fulfilling the prophecy he’d made ages ago when he said he’d screw a kid up, because no kid could be happy in a home where one of their parents regretted their existence.

The second possible outcome, Edge would pack up and leave after the baby was born. He might take the kid with him or he might leave Stretch to raise them on his own. That part wasn’t clear, but either way, Stretch couldn’t bear the thought of losing his husband.

He scoffed to himself. Either way, really, he’d end up losing Edge.

“Love?”

Edge’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, and Stretch looked over to see him standing next to the couch. Stretch was sitting there, had been staring numbly at the coffee table.

“hey babe,” he managed. His voice was tight. Had he been crying?

Edge sat next to him and draped a blanket over his shoulders. “Can I do anything?” he asked, gingerly rubbing Stretch’s back as he did. “Do you need anything?”

I need you, he thought.

He didn’t bother hiding it. “i need you,” he said out loud, his voice catching.

Nodding, Edge pulled Stretch a bit closer. Gone were the days of sitting on his husband’s lap; his baby belly was too large and they didn’t want to risk hurting the kid. His arms wrapped around Stretch nonetheless and pulled him back to lay against his shoulder.

“I’m here,” he said softly.

Stretch turned as best he could, curled his legs up to sling them over Edge’s lap, and nuzzled his face into Edge’s neck. He knew he needed to ask Edge what was wrong. He needed to stop pretending that he knew what was going on in anyone else’s mind but his own, but all the clues were right there and he was so terrified to hear Edge confirm them.

“I love you,” Edge said quietly, his hands still massaging gently. “So much.”

He could almost hear the ‘but’ coming, and for a moment he was worried he might throw up. He wasn’t ready for this. Not yet. He wanted a little more time to pretend they could have the perfect future before it all fell apart.

He turned into Edge’s shoulder and pressed his face into the soft shirt there, forcing himself to breathe in and out slowly so he didn’t start hyperventilating. He clung to his husband in a desperate attempt to make everything okay. Wasn’t there supposed to be some kind of power of love bullshit to fix everything?

“i love you, too.” His voice was strangled, barely a breath, and it unleashed a new torrent of tears to his sockets. His soul was breaking, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. “i love you so much, edge, please...please don’t leave me.”

Edge’s arms constricted, holding him too tightly. “Of course not; I could never leave you.” He pressed a kiss to Stretch’s skull. “Never.”

Stretch held onto that, nodding into Edge’s shoulder and let himself be comforted by the one who probably needed the comfort instead.

Could he be more selfish?

He couldn’t say how much time had passed. Minutes, hours, it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t long enough to feel like he was going to be okay when Edge pulled back, his arms loosening.

“Are you hungry at all?” he asked.

Stretch shook his head. He felt like he might vomit if he tried to eat anything.

“you probably are, though, huh?” he asked, forcing himself to lean back and look at Edge.

He didn’t try to hide it. Nodding, he said, “Being pregnant has certainly affected my appetite. I can’t skip meals anymore.”

Skipping meals in the first place wasn’t the best thing they could do, but they were both guilty of it. Edge was probably better at eating when he should than Stretch simply because of his upbringing, but that didn’t mean he had to be happy about the change.

He sucked in a breath and let Edge slip away from him, tucked his legs up under himself and wrapped the blanket more securely around his shoulders as he listened to Edge moving around in the kitchen.

When Edge came back, he had a plate with two sandwiches cut into squares and what would probably qualify as a fruit salad piled beside them.

“i’m sorry,” Stretch said mournfully.

“For what?” Edge asked, his tone betraying his honest surprise at the apology. “It’s hardly your fault that I’m hungry.”

Oh, but it was. Well, it was at least half his fault. Probably.

He couldn’t say that. Edge would abandon his food to comfort him again, and Stretch couldn’t bear that guilt. Instead, he kept himself quiet as he watched Edge eat.

Edge didn’t turn on the TV. Instead, he sat beside Stretch in silence and occasionally reached out stroke a gloved hand gently along his blanket-covered arms or to pat lovingly at his knees. He made a point to offer a bite of something every so often, a strawberry or a piece of sandwich, even a juicy chunk of fresh plum. Stretch declined every time.

Once he was finished eating, Edge went back to the kitchen to wash up. It wasn’t long before he appeared back at the side of the couch.

“Are you tired, love?” he asked, stroking his fingers gently over Stretch’s skull.

He was, he realized. He was extremely tired from everything, and all he wanted to do was go to sleep so he could wake up to a second chance and do it right that time. He wanted to ensure Edge’s happiness.

Instead of saying any of that, he just nodded and stood up. Edge took the blanket and folded it in half before draping it across the back of the couch. He then took Stretch’s hand and led the way up the stairs to their bedroom.

In the first few weeks after Edge started to show, they’d started a tradition of spending a few moments each night talking to their baby. They’d lay down together, often after making love, and Stretch would watch with growing fascination as Edge’s fingers grazed over his bright crimson magic. He would reach out and touch, sometimes twining their fingers together as they talked about possibilities and made plans.

Stretch felt so dumb tonight as he slipped into bed and realized they hadn’t done that in almost two weeks. The last few times that they had done it, Edge had seemed too tired to say or do much, but Stretch had chalked it up to Edge actually being tired.

He watched as Edge changed into his pajamas, then walked over and slid into bed beside him. He half expected his husband to roll over and go to sleep without so much as a goodnight kiss, but Edge surprised him by wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close.

“Stretch...You know you can talk to me, don’t you? About anything, any time?” Edge pressed a kiss to his forehead. “That hasn’t changed. That will never change.”

It was his not-so-subtle way of asking what was wrong. Stretch didn’t know what to say. Whatever reasons Edge had for hiding his feelings would disappear the moment Stretch brought it up, and they’d both be forced to face choices they probably weren’t ready to make yet. At least, Stretch wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to think about how much Edge secretly wanted to leave.

“Love?”

As Edge’s arms tightened around him, he realized he was shaking again.

“You know I won’t force you to talk to me. You know that normally I would wait until you’re ready to speak, if you choose to speak at all.” He was silent for a moment, and Stretch could tell he was only choosing his next words carefully.

“But something is telling me that this isn’t your typical episode. I can’t explain it, love, but...please tell me what I can do to help you.”

“i don’t know,” Stretch finally confessed. “i love you so much, edge. you know that, right?”

Edge’s hands began gently stroking him, petting and massaging at his spine and shoulders. “Of course I know that, Stretch,” he said gently. “And I love you, too. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Stretch sucked in a deep breath. He truly wasn’t ready for this, but he supposed his time was up. Instead of pulling away, however, he cuddled as close as he could and made sure to press a loving kiss to his husband’s mouth before he said anything. Edge returned the kiss, deepening it briefly.

“i saw you today. the you that you’re hiding from me.”

Edge’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Feeling like he was going to lose his tender grip on stability, Stretch once again pulled in a deep breath. “i mean i saw how you looked like you regret every life choice you’ve made since we decided to have a kid.”

He half expected Edge to deny it or to pretend he didn’t know what Stretch was talking about. Instead, he was silent, his eyelights downcast as if staring at Stretch’s chest.

“babe, i understand if--”

“No,” Edge interrupted. “You don’t understand. You can’t possibly understand, and I’ve been terrible at communicating with you.” He looked up then, and Stretch’s soul only felt worse at the look of fear in Edges’ eye lights.  

“please don’t leave me,” he begged. “whatever it is, we can work through it, right?”

He knew he was only delaying the inevitable, but he couldn’t help it. He loved Edge so, so much, and now he loved that baby, too, and he couldn’t give either one of them up.

Edge pulled him up close, his arms tightening almost painfully. “I’m not going to leave you,” he whispered against his skull. “I love you, Stretch, and I’m not going anywhere.”

For a long, silent moment, they just held each other in the darkness of their room. Edge pressed soft kisses to the side of Stretch’s skull, and in turn Stretch nuzzled his face against Edge’s shoulder.

“I’m...scared,” Edge finally confessed, his voice a whisper. “I’m scared of something I never once considered until it was too late.”

Stretch nodded and looked up enough to meet Edge’s eyes. “what are you scared of?”

Edge drew in a slow breath before speaking, his words hesitant. “I love you, you know that. I love you more than I ever dared dream possible.”

“yeah? that’s good, though, right?”

“Yes, that’s good. Growing up in Underfell...love like this didn’t exist there. Not between lovers, and I’ve seen parents sell their children to make ends meet. When you and I first got together, when I first realized that I loved you, I never dared hope that I could love you this deeply. But Stretch…”

He went silent again, his eyes closed tightly and his arms tightening once again.

“what is it, edge?” Stretch couldn’t keep the worry out of his voice if he tried.

“I’ve seen how parents love their children here, in this universe.” Edge voice was tight. Stretch knew that if he could, he’d be crying. “When I thought about having children, my thoughts were more on the things I could teach them, how I could help them to learn and grow into happy, healthy adults. I didn’t think about...Stretch, how am I going to love them? Children need more than guidance and steady care. I understand that now.”

For a moment, Stretch’s mind simply couldn’t wrap around this new information. Couldn’t adapt to this new perspective.

“They’re going to have love, I know that. You and Blue, probably even Sans and Papyrus. But what kind of life are they going to live when they realize that only one of their parents can genuinely love them?”

“edge…” Stretch wasn’t sure what to say for a minute. “baby, i…”

“I know,” Edge said lamely. “I know, and this is my fault. I’m so sorry, love.”

Stretch reached up to cup the side of his husband’s face, his thumb tracing carefully over his sharp teeth.

“baby, no. don’t be sorry; there’s nothing you need to apologize for. it’s gonna be okay.”

Edge blinked, his brow furrowing. “You’re not angry?”

“why would i be?”

“Because I talked you into having a child you didn’t even want only to tell you that I can’t love them.”

And right then, Stretch’s soul shattered. He understood so much more now, and the tears building in his sockets were as much for his husband as they were for himself.

“oh, edge, no…” He leaned in and kissed Edge, putting all of his love into it. Pulling back, he tried to smile. “it’s true that once upon a time i didn’t want kids. but i do now, and you didn’t talk me into wanting one either. being with you, loving you so much, changed my mind. i want this baby; i really do. but i want this baby with you. and...this is gonna take some time, i think, for you to see what i mean, but i think you’re wrong. i think you’re gonna be surprised by how much you love this kid.”

“But what if I can’t love them?”

Stretch’s smile became more genuine. “you can. even you have to admit that you’ll be able to love them a little bit.” He held up a hand, his thumb and forefinger held an inch apart. “and even if you do only love them a little bit, you also have to admit that you already care about them a lot. you’re right that kids need a bit more than just care and guidance, but let me tell you a thing about parents in this universe: they’re not perfect. no one is. but i have so much faith in you, edge. i know that you’re going to be a damn good parent.”

Edge nodded silently and hugged Stretch tightly again. Stretch wound his arms around Edge and held on, a little amazed at how the night had turned out so far.

“Thank you,” Edge whispered.

“always,” Stretch responded.

They snuggled closely for a while until Stretch’s sockets started drifting closed. He was out before Edge, falling asleep with the hope that Edge would feel better in the morning.

It appeared that Edge did feel better the next morning after their talk. After a few rounds of vigorous morning sex and a steamy shower, Edge was humming softly to himself as he made breakfast, lightly swinging his hips to whatever music was playing in his head.

Stretch had to admit he felt better, too. Both of their concerns had been unburied the night before, and Stretch knew all too well what it was like to live with a secret you felt like you couldn’t tell anyone. Even if Edge only ever told him about his concerns, at least he could vent them somehow.

-------------------------------

The last month of the pregnancy was spent preparing for the arrival of their baby.

They got the nursery all set up, Edge begrudgingly allowing both is brother and brother-in-law to pitch in when his stamina proved once again to be less than it used to be. Red mostly helped by misinterpreting the instructions of the furniture they were putting together while Blue did most of the actual work.

The closer the due date came, the more often Red would come by to check up. Stretch had to wonder what his thoughts were on loving his niece or nephew, but he never asked. It was honestly pretty evident in the way he insisted on triple checking that everything in the nursery was safe for a babybones. And then checking again for good measure.

Blue showed his love the way he usually did: by feeding Edge as often as he allowed it. Which, thanks to the baby taking up more and more of his energy, was turning out to be more often than Stretch would have guessed possible.

Sans and Papyrus also came by often to show their support and love for their family. Papyrus did a lot of the cleaning for Edge, a compromise he and Blue had come up with together, and Sans kept producing the most ridiculous baby outfits he could find.

Stretch was honestly pretty sure he was going to find the charred remnants of some of those outfits at the bottom of their fire pit in the backyard, but he figured Sans already knew that so he didn’t say anything.

When the day finally arrived, Stretch helped a hobbling Edge to the car and settled him in the backseat just as Red and Blue came out of a shortcut in the driveway. Blue shook his head to clear it, then walked up to Stretch and held out his hand. Stretch dropped the keys into his brother’s palm, then got into the car next to his husband.

Red and Blue had already been to war over who was going to drive Edge to the hospital. Stretch did feel bad that he couldn't do it, but Edge helped him get over it. Edge had also settled the driver debate, saying he’d much rather arrive safely and in one piece, therefore Blue was driving. Red had huffed and puffed, but ultimately agreed.

At the hospital, the process went quickly. Alphys was there to help out as well since skeleton pregnancies were not common and most doctors didn’t know what to expect with the actual birthing process.

Stretch held Edge’s hand, encouraged him and tried to help keep him calm with words of love and support.

And then his baby was there, all of his perfect little bones covered in Edge’s crimson magic. A quick scan of his soul showed a male predilection, so they wrapped him up in a little blue blanket before settling him in Edge’s arms.

“a baby boy,” Stretch cooed. They’d been waiting until he was born for the scan; they didn’t want to risk getting a mixed result through Edge’s magic. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Edge’s sweaty forehead. “you did so good, babe.” He reached out and gently touched his baby’s tiny little skull. “he’s so precious.”

Edge nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Have you picked out a name?” one of the nurses asked.

Stretch smiled at Edge, who nodded. “Yes, his name is Cyperus.”

The nurse cooed. “That’s precious. He’s so cute. Are you about ready to let him get cleaned up?”

Edge paused for a moment before he nodded and reluctantly handed the baby back.

The doctors took the baby to clean him up and move Edge to a different room. As they moved, he took a second to text his brother that the birth went well and they could come see Cyperus now.

Red and Blue had both been certain that they would be the first uncle to hold the baby, but neither wanted to concede that there could only be one. Stretch was only a little nervous as they came into the room, expecting more arguing over baby-holding rights.

Instead, it seemed that they had worked themselves out. They both strode right up to the bed, but there was no snarling or growling.

“how’s the little ankle-biter?” Red asked, leaning over Edge with his hands in his pockets to get a better look. “aw, ain’t he cute?”

Blue held out his hands. “We decided that I get to hold him first.”

Edge raised a brow. “Is that so?”

Red nodded, and whatever Edge saw on his brother’s face seemed to take away all concern. His expression softened, and he carefully handed the baby bundle to Blue.

Both Red and Blue gushed over the tiny babybones for a while, then Red took his turn. Red held him awkwardly, and Stretch was impressed with the way he took direction from Blue. Despite Red having been the only one between the two with any actual baby-raising experience, it seemed Blue was the more experienced in recent baby-holding.

Eventually, Stretch was able to claim his baby back from his brothers. He held Cyperus gently, gave him a soft kiss on his little forehead, and marveled once again at how adorably perfect he was.

-------------------------------

Later that evening, laying in bed at home with Cyperus sleeping quietly between them, Edge let out a large sigh.

Stretch looked at him with a smile. “what is it?” he asked.

Edge smiled, so beautiful and content. “You were right.”

“about what?”

His mouth opened, but no answer came out. Instead, Edge clicked his mouth shut and sniffled. Despite that gorgeous smile, Stretch was worried.

“edge?”

“I didn’t think it was going to be possible, Stretch. I really didn’t. But I love him. I love him so much more than I can even say.”

Stretch immediately relaxed, his soul filling with gentle peace and overwhelming love at the same time. “i know what you mean. i loved him before he was born, but now? damn.”

Edge nodded. Neither of them said anything else. Instead, they laid together watching their baby sleep, hands clasped together.

In a while, they’d move Cyperus to his nursery and go to bed themselves, but for now, neither Daddy nor Papa could take their eyes off of their little miracle.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

hi, I'd like to read the sun interview with louis, but don't want to click or go to their website. you tagged one of your responses with "Thanks Jen for the transcript", can you please point me to the blog of this person, so that I can read it? thank you

Hi Anon, 

@jlf23tumble didn’t post it on her blog, but she did message it to me - so here it is:

AS a cheeky teenager in One Direction, Louis Tomlinson conquered the world – performing in stadiums around the globe and amassing a multimillion-pound fortune along the way.

But while he achieved pop superstardom, few 28-year-olds have suffered more trauma in their relatively short lives than the Doncaster-born singer.

In the four years since the group’s “hiatus”, Louis has faced unimaginable tragedy with the passing of both his sister Felicite aged 18, last year and his mum Johannah in 2016, before choreographing an impressive comeback with a debut solo album, Walls.

His personal journey back to full strength has been nothing short of remarkable — with the singer forced to deal with loss of his younger sibling and his mum in the full glare of publicity.

In an exclusive interview with The Sun, Louis explains: “Initially, when the news broke (about Felicite) last year, I was bitter about the fact that everybody was talking about it.

“Loads of people were speculating online about what might have happened. I was just told that it was the reality of the situation, which it is, and I had to accept it.“So that’s the negative side to it, but a positive side to it and something I wasn’t prepared to feel was the love from my fans.

“I wasn’t ready to feel like that, but I really needed it at the time.

“What was difficult was people speculating about details straight away, discussing online what might have happened when nobody really knew, and talking about my family. But actually when I looked further almost all of it was kind, and I felt loved.”

Just over two years before Felicite’s death from an accidental drug overdose, Louis’ mum Johannah tragically passed away, aged 43, following a long battle with leukaemia. It is a loss that continues to shape his life.

But he tells how, over time, he has come to learn from the experience — and now hopes to support others through his own experiences.

He adds: “I’m still getting asked about my mum now, but I’ve grown to understand it I suppose, and I feel like I can maybe help others.

“When I wrote a song called Two Of Us, I had fans talking to me about a loss they’d had, and they listened to the song and told me I’d helped them in some way. That makes it all worthwhile.“Despite how difficult it can be to deal with these things when people are watching, if I have the possibility to help even one person, that’s massive.”

Today, Louis is calm, reflective and down-to-earth when we meet in a low-key west London pub — despite him having sold more than 50million records globally with One Direction.

Louis talks with a broad Doncaster accent, and laughs as he reflects on his career, which began when he found fame with 1D at the age of 18.

He admits he has “f***ed things up” plenty of times in the past but hopes to have learnt from his mistakes.

His new single, Walls, recounts his experiences of love and loss. It is a clearly autobiographical reflection on his life over the last decade, which has seen him fall in love with his childhood sweetheart, Eleanor Calder, before splitting in 2015, and reconciling two years ago.In the years in between he fathered his first child, a son, with a US stylist but the pair soon separated and his romance with model Eleanor is now so strong marriage rumours have begun to swirl, although he’s quick to insist they are premature.

He explains: “Yeh I saw some of that. It isn’t true, but the luxury with Eleanor is I’ve known her since before our first single What Makes You Beautiful, so she’s felt the whole growth of everything.

“As I’ve got to understand it, she has too, and I have the benefit with her that we’ve seen it for what it is.”

So is marriage a possibility? He adds: “One day, yeah, I’d imagine so. If you’re asking me if I’m going to marry her? Yes, I think so! And more kids, I’d say so.”

His lyrics reflect on the ups and downs of his time in the spotlight, as he explains: “It’s about overcoming some of your problems and learning from your mistakes.

"It’s looking back at a certain time of my life and I’m sure there’s lots of people who can relate to that idea of being alone and waking up, being used to having someone there, then they’re not.“It’s a bit of, “Oh no, I’ve f***ed it up, yeah. But I’ve understood that now and I’ve come back stronger.

“You learn from your mistakes, and the song is about owning them, putting your hands up and saying ‘I know what I did was wrong, but I understand it a bit better now’”.

While in One Direction, Louis earned himself a reputation, alongside some of his other bandmates, as a party boy.

Today he’s learnt to control himself, but jokes that he can “still put a few beers away”. He’s keen to expand his mind now after missing out university when he found fame with One Direction on The X Factor.

He says: “I’ve been very lucky but one experience that I know I would have loved is university, mobbing out and meeting new people.

“Someday it will happen. I’d study psychology. And I’ve just started reading again, I just picked up this Beatles book, so I’m trying to educate myself a bit more.

“I just thought I’d pick up a few books, because I realised that I don’t read at all — and for a songwriter that’s pretty criminal.”

With a huge bank balance and global fame, there’s appears to be little to achieve. For Louis, fame has come first — but now he’s determined to prove himself as an artist in his own right, even if he is never able to achieve the enormous record sales One Direction enjoyed.

The album has been almost four years in the making. He scrapped a huge quantity of material and started over after he realised his first efforts had failed to fulfil his own ambitions.

He adds: “I’ve never been driven by money, but I’ve got a point to prove to myself. I think I was frustrated before, because I was in a few writing sessions where no matter what I said at the start of the session, the concept at the end was always something different. But after a while I decided to scrap all of that, and own this myself.

“I struggled with it for the first couple of years. I was trying to work out exactly what my sound was.

"I didn’t have the luxury every other developing artist has of making mistakes in the background until you land on that one you get excited about and that’s why it took me a second go to get it right.”

However successful his solo efforts may prove to be, alongside those of 1D bandmates Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik, the question of a prospective reunion will always loom large for Louis — who remains in contact with his former bandmates but admits they are very different people.

He adds: “I used to feel more pressure about matching up to anything any of the others do, but the reality is we have different skill sets and different fans.

“Harry’s a star, there’s no two ways about it. I’m much more reserved. If I carry myself in a slightly different way, I might be able to get a different market but it’s all about staying true to you and that’s what we’re all doing.

“I spoke to Liam a couple of days ago but haven’t spoken to Niall in a couple of months. Me and Harry don’t speak quite as much but he sent me a text about the single and I sent him one about his, and there’s a mutual respect there, definitely.

Louis debut solo album, Walls, is released January 31. His single, also titled Walls, is out now.

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 5/28/20

Dr. STONE, Vol. 11 | By Riichiro Inagaki and Boichi | Viz Media – Balloons! Yes, Dr. STONE is taking it upon itself to do something it does best, which is show off the gorgeous vistas of this not-really-that-explored future Japan it takes place in. And that means hot air balloons. It also means speedboats! But alas, just because Senku is a scientist does not mean he can cook. So they use some of the last remaining fluid to un-stone a butler-cum-chef-cum-everything, Francois, who is flamboyant and also a lot of fun. There’s actually some really good humor in this volume as well, be it the reporter getting her camera and its undercutting right afterwards, or Senku’s Einstein impersonation. This remains one of the essential Jump titles. – Sean Gaffney

Dungeon Builder: The Demon King’s Labyrinth Is a Modern City!, Vol. 2 | By Rui Tsukiyo and Hideaki Yoshikawa | Seven Seas – After wrapping up the cliffhanger from the first volume (he names his first monster girl, which gives her the power-up (and bust expansion) she needs to win), the cast gets down to the nitty-gritty of what he wants to do: build a city, not a dungeon, which feeds on positive emotions. Of course, there are a few problems. Location, labor costs, the neighboring demon lords, and of course Marcho’s impending death, which she seems to have accepted more than Procel has. This remains sort of mid-tier manga—not interesting enough to stand out, but the pages turn easily, and you could do worse. Also, brilliant pun for the back-cover blurb. – Sean Gaffney

Éclair Blanche: A Girls’ Love Anthology That Resonates in Your Heart | By Various Artists | Yen Press – The second of the Éclair anthologies to come out over here, this one seems to focus more attention on love that is already in bloom when the story begins than love that we see the start of. There’s a nice mix of funny, heartwarming, sad, and generally melancholic. Some highlights are “Azalea Corner,” about a minion’s crush on the arrogant ojou she follows; “The Unemployed Woman and the High School Girl,” which should be awful but is by Canno so is cute instead; and “That Summer Won’t Come Again,” about a girl trapped in her sister’s past who bonds with a senpai and learns to swim again. There’s good and not-so-good here, but overall well worth buying. – Sean Gaffney

Éclair Blanche: A Girls’ Love Anthology That Resonates in Your Heart | By Various Artists | Yen Press – This is the second Éclair anthology, but aside from two continuations, all the stories here are new. The quality varies, and it seems the better stories are in the front. The first story, Fly’s “Flowers in a Storm,” sets the tone for bittersweet, ambiguous endings with the tale of a first kiss that comes too late. There are also several stories about unrequited love for a friend who loves someone else, be it another girl, an idol, or a guy. Kabocha’s “Though Summer Won’t Come Again” is a standout, about a girl who assumes the senpai she’s developed feelings for prefers her older sister, as everyone else seems to. Unfortunately, I found the stories toward the end of the volume to be less enjoyable, particularly the final one, which includes the most awkward teacher-student embrace I have ever seen. Still, I will read the next installment when it comes out! – Michelle Smith

I Didn’t Mean to Fall in Love | By Minta Suzumaru | Futekiya (digital only) – Yoshino Kiritani is a beautiful 30-year-old salaryman who happens to be both gay and a virgin. With no relationship prospects on the horizon and wanting to finally have sex, he goes to a gay bar, meets a charismatic college student named Rou, and sleeps with him. The back-and-forth that follows between these two guys is so well done. Rou is a notorious playboy with a hot-and-cold routine he has employed many times to manipulate his conquests into falling for him and confessing their feelings. He tries this on Yoshino, even though he’s actually serious about him, but it doesn’t work. Self-effacing Yoshino genuinely thinks Rou wants nothing more to do with him, forcing Rou to face the seriously scary prospect of rejection by declaring his feelings first. There are a few explicit scenes, but they serve the characters and story well. Highly recommended! – Michelle Smith

Love Me, Love Me Not, Vol. 2 | By Io Sakisaka | Viz Media – First of all, a word of advice to the author: don’t sink people’s ships in your author’s notes, OK? Secondly, this continues to have the strengths of Io Sakisaka titles—it gets teenage love in a good way, has characters who are likeable but clearly flawed, shows gradual character growth, and has clean, easy-to-follow art. She’s still trying to balance out the idealistic girl with the realistic girl, though it may be leaning towards the former. Sadly, it also contains what’s always been one of this author’s big weaknesses to me—I like her series but never love them. Each volume is fun to read and I’d call it good, but it’s never going to be tops in my favorite shoujo manga lists. It’s not life-changing the way a Yona of the Dawn is. – Sean Gaffney

Ping Pong, Vol. 1 | By Taiyo Matsumoto | Viz Media – Ever since Matsumoto was a guest at TCAF in 2013 and spoke in depth about the series, its development, and how it fit into his overall career, I’ve been desperately wanting to read Ping Pong in English. When the excellent anime adaptation came and went soon after and the original manga still hadn’t been licensed, I didn’t expect that we’d ever see it translated. But it is actually here! The first of two beautifully designed omnibus volumes. And I am absolutely in love with Matsumoto’s Ping Pong. Ostensibly a high school sports manga, Ping Pong spends very little time explaining the ins and outs of the game even though table tennis is essentially omnipresent; instead, the series devotes its attention almost entirely to the characters themselves. With strong psychological elements, in part the work’s themes explore talent, motivation, and self-determination, all supported by Matsumoto’s distinctive and spectacularly dynamic and expressive artwork. – Ash Brown

Prince Freya, Vol. 1 | By Keiko Ishihara | VIZ Media – The land of Tyr is threatened by Sigurd, the empire to the north. Our “wimpy and weak” heroine, Freya, happens to be the spitting image of Prince Edvard, who’s just been poisoned by Sigurd, and so takes on the role of impersonating him to protect her country. Alas, Freya’s performance as Edvard (and characterization in general) is inconsistent and in a way that doesn’t seem intentional on the mangaka’s part. Sometimes she boldly and capably takes action, sometimes she just cries. In my notes I wrote, “This ain’t no Basara,” prompted by a panel in which Freya is making an extremely insipid face because of something sappy her love interest has just said, but then something super dramatic and unexpected occurs and… well, now I’m cautiously on board. It may turn out to be fluffier than I would like, but I will at least give it a couple more volumes. – Michelle Smith

The Quintessential Quintuplets, Vol. 9 | By Negi Haruba | Kodansha Comics – There’s less swapping in this one, but the one time there is a swap it blows the reader out of the water. I suspect Ichika’s popularity took a nosedive after this volume, as her ideal of “all’s fair in love and war” is taken to a somewhat cruel conclusion. She’s not even the thirstiest of the quints, as both Nino and Miku are trying to make their feelings for Futaro as clear to him as possible. Meanwhile, Yotsuba is trying the opposite tactic, saying that she’ll support whichever sister that isn’t her he picks, showing off a core of self-deprecation that we’ve seen before, but never to this level. And then there’s Itsuki, who seems to have forgotten she was supposed to be first girl. Great harem antics. – Sean Gaffney

Sacrificial Princess and the King of Beasts, Vol. 9 | By Yu Tomofuji | Yen Press – I missed reviewing the eighth volume of this, for some reason; I’m not sure why. It continues to be quietly sweet, with a heroine who perhaps leans a little too much towards “can save everyone by the sheer power of being really nice.” That said, nice can only go so far, and when she discovers a country that’s being blackmailed into slavery, nice becomes determined and fierce. There’s also some tortured romance at the start—the king’s chief bodyguard and the princess’s attendant clearly are headed towards each other, but there are a few steps back here before we can move forward once more. I admit that I’d likely enjoy this more without its central conceit of animal people, but oh well. – Sean Gaffney

Snow White with the Red Hair, Vol. 7 | By Sorata Akiduki | Viz Media – I admit I was a bit more surprised than Shirayuki was at the identity of the leader of the Lions of the Mountain. That said, it does remind us that Shirayuki is another one of those great “shoujo heroines who underreacts to everything,” which can be quite amusing when done right. That said, this volume is when the series transitioned from the quarterly DX to the main LaLa magazine, and as such much of the middle part is taken up with introducing new readers to the main cast and the situation. This includes an amusing “personality reversal” chapter where Mitsuhide starts acting like a chivalrous knight. the book ends with the implication that their love is going public. How will that go? Great shoujo. – Sean Gaffney

Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina, Vol. 1 | By Jougi Shiraishi, Itsuki Nanao, and Azure | Square Enix – This is a manga adaptation of the first fourth or so of the light novel, and it’s a very good adaptation. I will admit that Elaina is a lot more expressive than I was expecting… her delivery in the novels is somewhat cool… but it makes sense given the manga’s visual medium, and she’s cute. This volume shows off what we’re going to get from now on: some cute fluffy stories, some melancholic stories with deaths, some stories of Elaina having to extricate herself from a situation, and some backstory showing how she came to be wandering. The final story was one of my favorites in the book, and it’s the best one here too. A nice adaptation. – Sean Gaffney

By: Ash Brown