#-kind of person you are
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something about how both wei wuxian and jin guangyao repeatedly say they ‘didn’t have a choice’ in their actions. in both cases, it’s not literal impossibility, instead determined by their mindsets and personal conduct…. but while for wei wuxian that means he can’t do something immoral, even if it means losing all his social power, for jin guangyao it means he can’t do anything to lose his social power, even if it means doing something immoral. the other option is still there, but it’s never one they’d pick.
something about how they’re trying to walk the same path but in opposite directions: wei wuxian willingly left the nice, broad road in favour of upholding morals and debts, while jin guangyao is trying to claw onto it and stay there by any means necessary. in both cases, being parted from it so easily is only possible because this nice, broad road — full of people whose social power is unconditional, given at birth, independent of their actions — was never truly theirs to begin with. but despite how it is possible to be forced off due to nothing, as we see with wang lingjiao, the positions of both these characters were ultimately due to actions they took.
(about how no matter the similarity of the paths, no matter the narrowness of the choices, the direction you take is still up to you.)
#i’m a little insane about this metaphor in case you couldn’t tell#also clarification: ‘immoral’ for the case of wwx means something against his personal morals (a major example would be giving up the wens)#whereas for jgy i mean ‘something generally against most people’s morals eg killing his son and participating in torture’#since he doesn’t really HAVE personal morals and his goals are independent on that#but phrasing it like this is much less awkward…#anyway i LOVE the theme of choice here — how everyone *does* have one but aims/morals influence that to the point that choosing a certain-#-option SEEMS like an impossibility#but you still are responsible/should be responsible for those choices (see: the story justfully questioning jgy’s ‘i had no choice’ line)#so jgy WAS responsible for his choices (and wwx *could’ve* also chosen to do what’s easier — not giving up the gc not protecting the wens)#(but didn’t and that’s to his credit)#despite the circumstances for both being unideal it’s still your choice IN the circumstances — not the circumstances — that determine what-#-kind of person you are#mdzs meta (?)#pretty sure it counts but i also know i’ve been taking up a lot of this tag recently…#mdzs#魔道祖师#mo dao zu shi#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc#wei wuxian#jin guangyao#my meta (?)
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I love mabel and bill and i want to see them being bffs but i cannot see an interaction between them going any way other than this
#mabel has so much kindness in her heart but not for bill#mabel hates toxic exes#dipper is “I will kill you bill”#mabel is “I will make your life hell if you dont change and grow as a person”#bill finds mabel much more threatening#handyman bill au#bill gravity falls#gravityfalls#gravity falls#bill cipher#the book of bill#book of bill#billford#mabel pines#gravity falls mabel#gf mabel#gravityfalls fanart#my art#digital art#art#krita#digital aritst
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lighthearted.
if this comic resonated with you, please consider donating to this palestinian escape fund (vetted by @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein) as it is less than $7,000 away from it's goal.
i turn 24 today. To celebrate, I made this comic to be a spiritual successor to lead balloon, a comic in which I talked about the darkest period of my life so far.
A lot has changed since my 23rd birthday and this one. My priorities have shifted a lot, in ways that I think are mostly good. But i think the best part about today is that suicide has gone back to being a far away notion. I'm really lucky, and I'm grateful for that.
#yet another largely personal comic that kind of only has real impact to maybe four people#it's crazy what a difference a few months makes#and a trip to the beach that makes you glad you're still alive.#the last page is just me drawing my friends and I as our respective art sonas#credit to my best friend for inventing the designs#i keep copying their shit but its their fault for always having good ideas#ugghhh i love the people in my life so much and im so thankful for them#one of my friends gave me a vintage camera for my birthday#im going to take so many photos i could paper my walls with them#thank you for reading#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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though the movie might be cancelled, yuri on ice will live forever in our hearts. thank you yoi fandom, it's been real ♡
#yuri on ice#yoiedit#yoi#victuuri#ice adolescence#anime gif#*gifs#animangahive#dailyshounenai#userkarura#usergojoana#userhanyi#useralphonse#usertorichi#usermoonz#usericybtch#userheidi#usergokalp#userartless#homuras#himawaari#this is not goodbye this is still my house!!!#devastated but not surprised tbh but i still wanted to channel my emotions somehow and just. express how much this show means to me so here#this thank you goes out to u guys. the fandom#mappa can eat a brick btw <3#god i wish i could articulate just how special yoi is to me#it truly resonated with me like very few other pieces of media have (i can count them with one hand in fact)#it was sooooo revolutionary and ahead of its time not just in terms of queerness but also in terms of mental health#it truly changed me as a person and i just. really appreciate how earnest and kind it was above all#thank you yoi. you will be a part of me forever <3
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HOT, SINGLE, UNSTUDIED SPONGES. 3000 NAUTICAL MILES AWAY. Come sail the distance and read Tiger Tiger!
#tiger tiger#ludovica bonnaire#remy bonnaire#jamis arlesi#This comic has been on my radar for *years* and I only recently - finally - sat down to read it. And by god is it amazing.#I don't want to spoil anything! But if you like amazing art and character writing *and* high seas adventure? READ TIGER TIGER.#If you asked my who my favourite character is I could not tell you. I truly like them all!!!#I even like the sleezeball who has less charm than a dead rat. He's *my* darling little rat man. With every disease.#A special shout out to my lad (he is the lad of all time) Jamis Arlesi.#Who - upon walking into frame makes me go 'Sir! Is your bosom too heavy? Do you need a new bra? My hands are free on Thursdays!'#And Ludo! My lass! I love her dearly! Every page made me more fond of her.#Book smart and uses it in very good ways! Naive enough to think it is all she needs! Learns a lot and stays kind through the horrors!#I could go on and on but...you...the person reading this...you *are* going to read it - aren't you?#So I'd hate to spoil you any more! Go read Tiger Tiger! Do it! For the sea sponges!#Rumour has it they are also freshly divorced. It was messy. Sea sponge needs a distraction. That could be you. Distracting that sponge.#You wont know until you click that link and start reading!
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Hey it's that time of the year again :D
HAPPY 413! 🎂
#my time zone is a little early haha BUT HAPPY 413 EVERYONE <3#this is kind of a redraw of last year's 413 illustration and I'm so glad I could see some progress :)#I tried to make them look their age + keep their personalities and also give them cool GT outfits instead of the pjs ones I often draw#idk how much of that you can see though 🫣#ANYWAY I had so much fun drawing them all together again!#homestuck#homestuck fanart#homestuck art#beta kids#413#happy 413#john egbert#rose lalonde#jade harley#dave strider#my art
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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Bisexual crisis Crystal edition
#dead boy detectives#dbda#palasaki#palasaki week#it was supposed to be for the free day but i've completely lost the plot and I don't know if I'm on time#...or early#i know we all like to think crystal knows she likes girls#buuuut we saw her past. that is not an emotionally intelligent person#i think she was the kind of girl who put other girls down idk#i just think considering how she speaks for women so many times throughout the show#that it would be great character development#also charles figured it out decades ago#maybe even while he was alive#most of the time he crushes on girls though so you wouldn't know it#edwin probably doesn't know either i'm aware#but imagine if you will him reacting to this like "ugh#because he was there when Charles went through this journey and he did not care for it lol#whatever. niko you angel we all adore you#especially crystal... tho edwin might not like that#edwin: how dare you suggest you like niko more than i do?#preposterous
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KISS! THAT! ANDROID!
#I wanted to practice kissing poses lmao#idk man if you had an android knockin about wouldnt you kiss him? like just for fun even??#i also wanted to try and convey their personalities thru.... different.... kind of kisses#picard was difficult and then i remembered he's french hahahaha#anyhoo#star trek#star trek the next generation#tng#next gen#data soong#jean luc picard#will riker#william riker#beverly crusher#deanna troi#geordi laforge#geordi la forge#daforge#worf#worf son of mogh#brent spiner#I'm not taggin the rest of the actors sorry lmao
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You need to make art that nobody else likes. You need to make art that speaks to you alone. You need to cradle a serpent that eats its own tail and you need to love it until it loves you back
#The best art I've ever made will never be hung in anyone's home#That's not the point#It's not about being good#It's about being real#It's about eating something unpalatable#It's about being consumed#And tasting bitter#It's gorging yourself on crude oil just to feel something different#It's biting your tongue to make yourself cry#I'm saying that I am capable of making you feel good through personal sacrifice but I kind of don't want to cut myself up like that#If you want my heart to taste good you have to prepare it yourself#That isn't my problem
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Megan Thee Stallion going through a ridiculous amount of trauma, then flopping face first onto her bed and saying, "I need to find a new anime. Take my fucking mind off this shit." is, I feel one of the most painfully beautiful things I've ever seen another human being do.
#she's so real for that#and im so sorry she had those kinds of moments#but im glad i can personally say it helps. it really does#thank you anime and thank you#megan thee stallion#megan thee stallion: in her words#megan thee stallion in her words#megan thee stallion documentary#mts in her words
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my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟
#pan draws#pan designs#zine#risograph#i'm not gonna lie i don't love how this one turned out OTL and i think the wording is not done but well... a deadline is a deadline#i'll probably touch it up and rewrite it in the future but who's to say.. i need to stew on how to articulate my feelings coherently#anyway my transness is so closely tied to my experience as a person of color. the current political climate is so fucking ass to exist in#but more than anything i am pissed off at white punks & leftists & trans people that refuse to have meaningful solidarity with us.#so yeah anyway. i was stuck on this one forever and only really got anywhere with it after attending 2 punk noise shows in a row where they#actually used their fucking platform to do like. anything. our struggles are connected you need to careeeee YOU HAVE TO CARE........ ok bye#tdov#trans day of visibility#<- i was sitting on uploading this for a while so the stars kind of aligned for it to be today huh.... happy tdov i love you#xines
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Angela Orosco Silent Hill 2
#in anticipation of the incoming remake#i tried my best to imitate the SH font but#silent hill#silent hill 2#angela#angela orosco#theme of laura (reprise)#i've said it before but in spite of its occasionally clunky diction i think silent hill 2 is an unusually emotionally intelligent game#for any year and still today but especially so for where gaming storytelling was in 2001#and for as many pitfalls a story like hers could've dipped into i think it particularly shines through with how they treated angela#not just choosing to depict victimhood as something that can be ugly and fractious and open quote “difficult” but then this#actively rebuffing james for trying to be a white knight and dressing him down for it too#“i know you mean well and want to help but this isn't a simple problem"#“and it's really hurtful and a bit insulting that you act like you can”#the switching to a first person view turning it into an address to the player as well#maybe even old videogame tropes too#“this isn't some princess in a castle kind of situation dude this is more serious than that”#it felt like a very deliberate statement about the depth and severity of a trauma like this#and in doing so showing it so much respect#then angela just leaves#and you never see her again#i really don't think it was to imply that it consumed her i think it was to underline what was just said#this isn't your problem to fix#this is where your part in this story ends#there is no quick easy solution to this and you won't get one#there's some strength in that
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push my heel into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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It would be hilarious if Dick (recently dumped) and Jason (perpetually uninterested) were discussing their lack of dating prospects and Tim asks what they're talking about and Dick explains before going, "High five Timmy" and Tim's like "Yeah no thanks, I've got [bitches]." And both Jason and Dick are stunned.
#Dick: “Well I guess I shouldn't be so surprised.”#Dick (smug): “You did learn from the best”#Tim: “Shut up all your advice is garbage. And archaic.”#Jason (to Kon): “Blink twice if he's using some kind of mind control or something”#batman#dc comics#bruce wayne#batfamily#personal#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#I just think this is really funny#even if it's possibly overdone
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