#*sigh* okay fine sure
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Kenji and his cow Hanako II were the best duo from wan change my mind
#GUYS ITS OKAY HE’S WITH HIS COW FRIENDS HE’S FINE#I present this after the abomination we all witnessed from ch. 118#sigh yeah I know the chapter released literally a whole ass month ago but I’ve been too busy with school to draw anything#take this as a manifestation for his return in the next ch#Seriously though I’m like 80% sure Kenji and the others are coming back asagiri can’t do this to us#idk maybe I’m being delusional#tbh I’m probably gonna disappear for a bit until my end of year exams are done so if anyone notices me on tumblr please yell at me to study#pls pls pls#btw I was watching moo deng live cams while drawing this she’s such an icon#bsd#bsd art#bsd fanart#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs fanart#bsd kenji#kenji miyazawa#kenji bsd#bsd wan#cows#cow art#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr
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imagine a rewrite of the buckbucky stalag reunion where instead of waiting at the fence, gale's asleep in his bunk when john's group arrives?
he nods off while reading, doesn't even mean to, but it's chilly out and it's cozy under the blanket and there's not much else to do so he doesn't fight the nap when sleep pulls him under, and no one's inside to wake him when the commotion happens at the fence.
but then he's being gently woken up, and he assumes it's time to go collect rations, only there's a warm hand cupping his cheek, another running through his hair, and he opens his eyes and is greeted with john's smiling, bruised up face.
he has to blink hard to make sure he's not still asleep, glances quick at the door to see that they've conveniently been left alone to reunite, and then he grabs two fistfuls of john's sweater and pulls him down with a desperate noise, tears springing to his eyes as he kisses him hard enough to make up for all the time he'd spent thinking he might never see him again.
#yowch. YOWWWCH. adds to wip–list. sigh#ETA: FINE okay next oneshot surely#buckbucky#almost went with this as a little plot twist in yad(iym) but i refrained because the canon moment is just so special#but def gonna turn it into a oneshot at some point <3#johnslittlespoon brainrot#waking up with this being the first thing on my mind is evil
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I accidentally washed my pokemon cards :(( I am SAD
#I'm sure they'll be fine if not a lil beat up#they're drying right now so I'm not sure#BUT STILL#:((((#maybe I'll play pmd to cheer up#sigh#cow talks#vent#at the very least my skitty and mew cards seem to mostly be okay#and my mew card is still shiny#so that's good
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....What the chances of going on Etsy and hoping some fan made like a Resh'an plushie? Or maybe some kind of fan merch with him?
Probably slim to none because this is a pattern with me. My current fave doesn't have any fan merch either; he's from a popular indie game, but it's the kind that doesn't lend itself well to fan merch.
Who's the person I gotta commission to make me a Resh'an plushie so this bitch can have a war criminal at home?
#goodshipgaming#sea of stars#goodshiptalks#dear lord its reached this point#the point where i want merch of him#*sigh* okay fine sure
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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just fell down the fucking stairs is life even worth living
#i was wearing my shoes because i had to bring stuff from the car to the basement#and yeah my feet slipped#so i just kind of. slid down the stairs.#fucked my pinkie up a bit but that should be fine#head hurts tho#it was rather bumpy as i'm sure you would imagine#and my head already hurt#also kinda worried about my spine#we'll give it a few minutes#let me tell you though my dad does not like how nonchalant i've become regarding my physical wellbeing#'is your back okay?' 'idk we'll see in like ten minutes here. kinda hurts but whatever.' '*cue Dad Sigh*'
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god why do I feel literal pain and grief when I feel like I’m being left out of things. could my brain fucking not do this just because I can’t join my Discord friends in call
#artbabble-tm#vent#I think that I’m probably feeling worse about this than I should because there’s been a lot of stress in my life thanks to#personal developments and deadlines#but I do feel like I’ve missed a lot of calls…… and boy do my abandonment issues like to claw at me ……..#sighs I’ll be okay. I literally called my friend yesterday. surely I’ll be fine
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well. woke up. too worried to go back to sleep. too sleepy to do anything else. we'll be here i guess hgghf
#maybe we should finish those questions or something. or prep for school. what's there to prep?#we should make a checklist. of course you'd say that. i'm right though.#sigh okay maestro have at it then.#certainly. please make sure we have these items: wallet. laptop and charger. phone and charger. tablet and tablet pen. earbuds. water.#brush your teeth and hair. what outfit are we wearing?#bluebird shirt? and the comfy pants. boots. don't know if we're gonna need the jacket but deb's gonna want it when he's up.#we'll take the subway and walk to the cafe we scouted out. we can order the waffles they have since yearning wants them.#we'll sit and. either draw or play more rhythm game depending. until adequate time has passed and we can go home.#if anyone asks the classes we took today were pre calc and python programing. maybe another one i'll think of somethin.#if at any point they email us back we HAVE to respond asap. this HAS to go through we cannot pretend to go to school forever.#blender is good sure but there's only so far we can stretch this lie.#anyway besides all that lets enjoy the day gang!! we really havent gone out in a while huh? we're getting waffles at a cafe!! :D!!#maybe a slushie for home? no we still have ice cream. finish the home treats first then we'll talk. alright fine :/#whatever. anyway our alarm rings at 6:30 and we're still not tired so let's do something maybe?
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sighing loudly that sphinx and the cursed mummy wasn't more successful, left a lasting impression on a lot of people, and made enough money to have a sequel/remake with the cut content
Siiiiiiiiiigh
#Lunney's Ramblings#biiiiiiig sigh#okay but for real though has anyone else payed sphinx and the cursed mummy?#that game is so fuckign rad#has there even been another game with that exact setting?#i mean sure there have been games set in egypt but mythological egypt? i haven't seen any.#and the game itself has such a beautiful style that its aged like fine wine#the only thing that i remember being kinda bad was knowing where to go and the platforming#which arguably are fairly noticable issues#but the world is so much fun to be in and explore and immerse yourself in#and sphinx was so fucking cool#the creature/npc/monster designs were also on point
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preserve us from edgelords. good lord.
#i'm not naming any system names.#to each their own and all that. i'm sure it's doing fine at what it's designed for.#(and similarly jack if you're reading this i have full faith in your ability to get this to work to your own tonal ends.#and i know we've at least partially discussed where they differ from the material presented.)#but sometimes you look at a thing. and it goes 'yeah what if your blood is living maggots'#and you sigh heavily and make jerk-off motions. say 'okay. call your mom' in the way you do if you see a real intentionally edgy metal band#you know how it is#again i'm just being a bitch on main. don't take this too seriously.#it's interesting trying to figure out the boundaries of games i'm interested in. because i know i have a fairly wide range to start with.#like to be clear i'm not against tragedy or horror! i'm not against consequences or characters dying!#but every so often i do come across something that simply falls outside what i'm interested in.#and start saying things like 'they should make twee illegal' or. you know. 'okay. call your mom.' which are on vastly different ends of thi#fun to see when that happens.#anyway if things get too edgy i reserve the right to make jerk-off motions in the background.#that's all thanks for listening.#actually wait no maybe that's not all.#if pressed i think i'm pinpointing my response here to. like. the apparent reliance on a sort of 'gross-out horror' (among other things)#which tends not to work for me in that i usually find it exhausting and at times immature. hence the 'call your mom.'#and despite the system's partial fascination with it i've not encountered it in the prospective dm's work thus far (albeit in other systems#so this'll probably work out fine.#(as always. again. full faith in you jack.)#okay. at least partially figured it out.#jerk-off motion rights still reserved though.
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woah they werent lying being on t does fuck w your feeling and perception
#idk if perception is the right word but like. i was moving a cart on the back dock and knocked over some syrup bottles (plastic so didnt#break) and the guy helped me pick them up but idk i was moving the cart roughly and knew id knock smthn over and i didnt apologize#this is just an example its so weird. everything just washes over me i dont react as much as i used to to p much anything and i#already had low reactions because autism now its like. okay :| to everything. letting things wash over me like a fine mist but its like#serious stuff and i dont even realize til hours later. i also feel no shame im like that post abt sasuke having his shame part of his brain#removed pre shippuden ykw maybe he is trans and got on t during that that explains it 😭😭 but its crazyyyyy everything feels like its in#static me spilling smthn or tripping or running jnto smthn that would have killed me w embarassment is just no reaction as long#as i didnt get hurt or damage anything. maybe im just maturing like im not a teenager anymore im sure#thats psrt of it but i like blaming things on t. nearly a year and a half mm crazy i need to set an appointment ill do that tmr.#sigh. mm okay. yippee#t shot tonight ill do that afrer i brush teetb. im sweaty but ill shower in the morning because im washing sheets tmr.#okay!!
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You know, I haven’t fully wrapped my head around how I’m going to incorporate it, but I had a great idea for this grant proposal that’s making me very excited
Because I think. finally. I will be able to justify testing arabic-speaking children. I will get to find out what kinds of errors THEY make learning my arabiclike made-up language.
And plus I’m realizing that I like portland more than eugene, and oops, the two Islamic schools and the one Arabic-medium school are all in the portland area oh no I will have to spend so much time in portland if I get this grant oh well
…plus I just really want to be able to stay in one place for three more years, and let scone live in Oregon like he’s really wanted to for YEARS.
I love arabic and I love my pastry and I love how kids do language. I am very excited about this part of the project and I just. The likelihood of it happening is vanishingly low. But it’s more likely to get this grant than getting a TT job. So.
#a ~10% hit rate for grants sucks yes; but compared to the ~0.5% hit rate I’ve had for prof jobs…#also new PI maybe you can support me for a year like you suggested you might be able to in a lab manager-cum-postdoc kind of role#that would be great. I would do that too.#I will happily continue leaning on my network to keep me in academia#as full of toxic bullshit as it is. sigh.#it hurts to feel like I’m so full of promise and so good at what I do and for some reason everything is just arbitrary#maybe I get to do this study; maybe I get to HAVE A JOB#like even working with this PI; everyone before has been all ‘mmm idk that doesn’t sound like a good use of resources’#and so I was like oh okay this is never gonna happen that’s fine#but I’m talking to her one day (because when you get the chance to chat with the dept head you should!)#and she’s like ‘but wait why would it be not a good use of resources? I think this is potentially an interesting idea#so write me up a proposal and we’ll see if we can flesh it out some more!’#so even the answer of ‘sure!’ to ‘maybe I can do this study… maybe’ I’d foreign and strange#same thing for this hockey concussion etc stuff#like I say ‘this is my INCREDIBLE pie in the sky idea; maybe someday#…but seems unlikely’#and my current PI goes no yeah wait here are some things I’ve thought about in that direction#…and I happen to live next to retired NHL players… but it would be very weird of me to ask them so can’t do that right now; but future!!#and so I’m just walking around UO going ‘wait I really can just. do things? people are interested in my ideas?’#(please remember that at a formative time in my research upbringing my advisor called me boring and also that he might not pass me#and like. you get rejected from research jobs and TT jobs and grants and everything#so it’s no WONDER I’m like ‘ah yes my ideas are stupid and boring and why would anyone else be interested in them!’ like any academic is)#anyway it’s amazing how little we as academics ask for#and still get told lol no that’s very extravagant of you#because it’s supposed to be a ~vocation~ and a ~calling~ so we should live like monks#but you know what monks are actually respected members of society and have food and shelter and care provided to them#so yeah if you want me to be a monk of linguistics then you need to fucking treat me like one
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i have got to suffer more
#abyss shrieks#<- i guess. more specific and EXTREMELY long vent in tags#idk how much i need for it to not show up without clicking so i’m just typing this real long one out to make sure#i’ve always felt stuck in between being fine and struggling enough to need help#in nearly every aspect of my life#yeah i wake up exhausted almost every day but i still get out of bed on time (…sort of) so it’s okay#yeah i’ll randomly be in pain. but i can manage. it’s not that bad. i’ve just been sitting with poor posture. right. it’s fine#i can barely remember most of my life. most of the few memories i have are painful. but every kid has some troubles growing up. right#never mind the fact that the friends i’ve opened up to tell me it’s not normal or acceptable that i’ve been treated that way#some other people have it so much worse. how do i have the right to say anything’s wrong#everyone’s struggling in this day and age. who am i to want anything more than them. who am i to say i deserve it#and all this adds up. i know something’s wrong. a lot of things are wrong#but individually none of them are wrong Enough#i know it’ll never be enough. i know no matter what i won’t think my pain is bad enough to need help#i know it’s wrong to want to suffer more when someone is going through exactly what i desire and wouldn’t wish it on their worst enemy#but i just. i just want to stop being stuck in the middle. sigh
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So as it turns out, DOLPHINS DON'T LIVE IN CRANBERRY BOGS! The dolphin thing is completely false. Cranberry bogs aren't even underwater for most of the growing season, they're just kinda marshy, and then the flooding is done right before harvest. And when they're flooded, the bog is enclosed so cranberries won't go everywhere. Also the water is 18 inches deep. The dolphins could not get in even if they wanted to. There are no cranberry bog dolphins.
The spiders are real though.
And they look out so hard for the well being of the spiders AND the dolphins
#my grandmother makes what is essentially the cranberry surprise but without the crust#i refuse to even taste it because The Texture. it looks unpleasant but it's her favorite.#can confirm the canned stuff is the best#and we serve it in log form. everyone cuts their own slices so they can pick the size.#Americana#american food#american culture#thanksgiving#which i am tagging primarily as a content warning to be blocked if needed#are they serious about the solphins getting canned? surely people would notice meat chunks in their cranberry sauce#that stinks of exaggeration to me. like maybe they do kill dolphins but i doubt they CAN THEM#food tw#im skeptical in general about dolphins living in cranberry bogs honestly#i thought bogs were freshwater? it's not like cranberries are salty#*sigh* okay fine I'm fact checking. brb.#uncaptioned
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i cannot and will not be getting over luosty choosing mikksy as the guy who scores the first goal in the homeopener and trying to keep a straight face about it and failing
bless his brattiness and his "im gonna make fun of mikksy" face
#luosty is so terribly bratty and it comes up in the funniest of ways#and mikksy lets him get away with it every single damn time because hes so whipped#luosty knows who are the easiest victims and uses that knowledge liberally#can you believe its mikksy i sure can#i just think theres merit to the queerplatonic we somehow got quitely married without realising it until we woke up in the same bed#and your pet was snug between us and in my groggy state thought this is what family feels like type of relationship you know#the i dont really cuddle like this but you bat your eyelashes at me and say oops i shouldve asked if it was okay before you cuddled up to my#chest but you dont make any effort to move and i dont particularly mind as much as i thought i would but i dont say that and instead say#“its fine. youre already there. might as well” and i hope to god you dont feel how fast my heart is crashing against my ribcage right now#but it doesn't particularly matter when you fall asleep a couple of minutes later and i sigh in relief-type of relationship#the we came from the beach and its nighttime and you get cold easily so i shuck off my extra layer and tell you i run hot and i was feeling#stuffy anyways despite the fact i was feeling the night chill as much as you do but its fine when i have my arm around you#i dont really feel cold at all-type of relationship#the i get embarrassed easily and you know that which is why you tease me to hell and back in front of new friends you introduce me to so#they know im not as intimidating as i first appear and really im just terribly awkward#and i fall for the bait you set out everytime-type of relationship#representation and all that
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mmmmmmmm
#i feel so unstressed about the things i should feel stressed about and so stressed about minor things#like agh. i submitted the first speech that i've written in years to my peers who are really good at speeches to review. shaking.#they said it was too informal. which is true. but i'm like “oh no do they hate me do they think i'm stupid am i gonna die is it okay”#meanwhile. i have a midterm tomorrow. worth 15% of my whole grade. and i do not feel stressed at all#i have only studied 1 hour. i do not feel that i need to study.#oh SHIT i have reading to do for tomorrow too#hm. but anyway like. it's a classics exam for a very beginner level classics course so i feel overqualified#but like... hahaha what if i am overconfident and then i fail it and then i feel stupid#i sound stressed but i don't feel stressed about that. really. more like “huh it sure would suck.”#also i'm officially like about to change my major to classics and i have a question for my classics prof abt like... a sort of niche thing#and i'm so scared to ask him because he's really cool but also intimidating. but like. oh shit if i'm a classics major i'm gonna have to#interact with the classics department. but the classics department is so cool and scary. much like the speech people.#i am so fine!!!#OH ALSO tomorrow i have a little archive dive i get to dig through old things that's super super fun i love the archives#<- guy whose favorite color is green and is employed by an elias thing to say.#sigh okay i'm gonna go look at the Feedback on my speech. ugh. agh.#i should probably study a bit too.........#dante dicit#might delete
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