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syms-things-5 · 4 years ago

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Clear The Area - Chapter Eighteen

Previous Chapter Here

Notes: So sorry this took me an age to get out. Thanks for sticking with me. We’re in the end game now...

Warnings: Heavy language. Angst.

Tags: @jennmurawski13 @kelbabyblue

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Sarah was trying her hardest to get out of Lisa’s birthday weekend. Really trying. She couldn’t remember the last time she had put this much effort into something that wasn’t related to work or getting to a finish line she’d imposed upon herself while out on a run.

She wasn’t a very creative person either. Not when it counted. She spent three days pathetically dropping hints that she was coming down with something. Scott dismissed it at first, insisting the fresh air would do her some good. She went as far as to suggest she was feeling quite nauseous so perhaps a five-hour-plus car journey might not be the best idea. Only she had downplayed it to such an extent, she inadvertently removed the problem from the table.

She also tried the whole “it should be a family event” thing, but Shanna told her she was family and that she should stop mithering and start packing.

Things got a little desperate. She wasn’t proud of herself but when Audrey had told her about a falling-out she’d had with Michael, well, it would be stupid to lose that golden opportunity. So, she told Shanna she was thinking of offering to stay and support her dear, dear friend and colleague but, with a glint in her eye, Audrey insisted it wasn’t that big of a problem. She was definitely off Sarah’s Christmas card list now.

Truth be told, she didn’t have a legitimate reason to avoid the break. She couldn’t deny the prospect of having the entire apartment to herself for four days was enticing, though. She could enjoy some rare peace and quiet. She could read a book in a long, hot bubble bath without Shanna perching by the side and regaling her with the latest issues in her romantic life. She could cook and eat seafood without worrying about giving her best friend an allergic reaction. She could also lounge around in her pyjamas all day, or maybe even naked.

No, not naked. She was never one for that idea.

Carly had been filling the family WhatsApp with game ideas; some solo, some in teams. All kid-friendly, which was a speciality of the Evans’ clan. Lisa had planned a long hike for the Sunday morning followed by what sounded like an extravagant picnic with champagne, quiche and foot-long subs. She also sent a picture of three humongous bags of marshmallows, the size of small children, and suggested they could sit round a camp fire on the evening they arrive. That was assigned to Chris as his first job.

There was also the small issue of a massive hot tub. Thanks to a new reliance on fast food during her late shifts, Sarah wasn’t much a fan of her body at the present time. That was another thing she’d have to contend with. She loved the family but forced fun in bathing suits was not really her “thing”.

“If we get there early, we can bagsy the attic room.” Shanna suggested, nose in a gossip magazine. Sarah nodded in agreement while keeping her eyes on the television. “I’ll be damned if Scott gets it all to himself again.”

“Sure thing.” Sarah replied, acting nonchalant and biding her time once more before she could raise again the possibility of her not going with them.

“Don’t get anything out for dinner tonight. We’re heading to mom’s in a couple of hours. I hope that’s OK.”

“Sure. Wait, what?” Sarah did a double take at Shanna, her face now fully hidden by her magazine.

“Sorry!” She peaked out over the top of the page. “I forgot to say earlier but Mom wanted to have dinner at hers tonight so we can go through the itinerary in full. Make sure everyone knows what they’re bringing. I said it’d be cool ‘cos you weren’t working.” Her tone was apologetic. “You’re not doing anything, are you?”

No, she wasn’t doing anything. And she couldn’t think of anything either. There was literally no thoughts running through her mind at that time. None that offered her any help whatsoever. Blank. Stupid, fucking, dumbass.

“Yeh, no, of course. Makes sense.” She responded after a second had passed. She silently blew out a long breath and sank further into the couch.

When Shanna had said they were having dinner, Sarah figured it would be one of Lisa’s massive pot pies followed by the biggest tub of Neapolitan ice cream she could find. Something easy and comfortable that wouldn’t get in the way of the more pressing matters at hand, namely finalising plans for her birthday weekend. She was most certainly not expecting candles and a table runner, the fancy anniversary cutlery and four or five bottles of expensive red wine. Lisa had even added some fresh flowers as a centrepiece.

Sarah looked down at her ripped black jeans and grey t-shirt and felt woefully under-dressed. She scolded Shanna with an annoyed look that didn’t go unnoticed.

“I didn’t know she was planning some fancy thing, did I?!” Shanna whispered as they hung up their jackets in the hallway. “You know what she’s like.”

Sarah did know what she was like so, really, she should have known better.

Shanna nudged her out of the way to walk into the kitchen and give her mother a hug, leaving Sarah standing in the doorway feeling like a potato and not sure how to make use of herself. She could hear Scott get beaten loudly by Carly’s husband on a computer game. She glanced her head inside the living room and waved at them, watching as they offered muffled sounds as acknowledgement of her greeting. Chris didn’t seem to be anywhere around yet which gave her some mild comfort at least. In fact, nearly a whole hour went by before he arrived. A light, summer shower had started outside and his arrival was announced to all by Lisa’s shrill tone instructing him to take his shoes off before walking on her newly shampooed carpet.

“Yeh, ma, I got it. Gimme a break…”

“Did you bring that picnic blanket I asked you to find? The one you brought last year? The large, tartan one?”

Chris gave his mother a confused look before she audibly sighed. “I asked you about it yesterday? I texted you earlier to remind you? Jesus….”

He shrugged off his sport jacket, placing it on top of Sarah’s, and toed his boots off before ambling into the dining room to join the others.

“She’s on one again.” Scott whispered to him as Chris took a seat beside him, across from Sarah and Shanna. “She called me three times this morning alone to remind me to pick up plastic cups and plates. Like I’m gonna forget something she’s messaged me about, like, a hundred times.”

“That’s nothing. You should see the list of jobs she’s given to Miles and Ethan.” Michael joined in.

“But they’re only kids.” Scott questioned him, half surprised and half...not so surprised. His memory suddenly recalled all kinds of jobs he was forced to do as a young boy, raking lawns and cleaning the family car. Michael just shrugged back at him, rolling his eyes knowingly. Scott looked between Shanna and Sarah, worrying for what she’ll impose upon them all next.

“She hasn’t given me any jobs yet.” Shanna said. She almost sounded offended at being left out of the menial work. The room fell silent as everyone else slyly eyed each other. “Oh, right. Thanks guys.”

“Hey, your job is to read the maps so we get there in one piece.” Scott finally broke the awkward silence.

“And Sarah? What’s Sarah’s job? I don’t think she’s been asked to do anything either.”

“Her job is to make sure you’re reading the map the right way around.” Chris interrupted and the room descended into fits of laughter. Shanna merely leaned back in her chair, folded her arms and cast a mental curse on her older brother. Sarah tried hard to mask a smirk that didn’t go unseen by Chris.

Pointedly ignoring his sister, Chris reached for the open bottle of wine closest to him. He leaned his arm across the table and offered Sarah a glass. “Want a top-up?”

They made eye contact for the first time in what felt like ages and he smiled at her, a slight crease appearing in the corners of his eyes so she knew it was genuine. “No, I’m OK. Better pace myself.”

They hadn’t seen each other, hadn’t messaged each other, in over a week. She was grateful for the break. He looked good, though. Lean and sculpted to a point that was inhuman or, at the very least, unfair to an average human being. A couple of weeks of working out and his body seemed to ping back to what it once was. It was like watching elastic snap into place. Sarah suddenly felt every single extra pound clinging to her thighs. Whenever she gained weight, it always seemed to land there. It was annoying and proved nearly impossible to remove no matter how often she ran.

“The hell is this?” Chris asked. He finally noticed the smooth table runner stretching out in front of him. “Are we expecting someone official?”

“Just keep quiet and let her do her thing.” Scott pleaded with him quietly before connecting eyes with Shanna and Sarah, everyone seemingly thinking the same thing. “Let’s try to get out of here in one piece, yeh?”

“What took you so long to get here, Chris?” Lisa asked as she walked back into the dining room carrying a large tray of what looked like bread rolls. She placed it down in the centre before moving to the side table to gather the salt and pepper grinders.

“Oh, it was just a work call.” He shrugged, confident enough in his manner that the conversation didn’t go any further. Scott elbowed him seemingly without anyone else noticing but Chris brushed him off with a shake of his head. He rested his chin on his hand as he took stock of what was in front of him, Sarah included.

His beard was thicker and apparently untended to, Sarah noticed, now that things had quietened down. He glanced at her through his lashes as things grew quiet and Lisa started dishing out vegetables to everyone. Lisa had a particular way of handling large family dinners – lessons learned from cooking for many kids over the years. You knew to wait until everyone had something on their plate before making moves for any more. It all smelled delicious. As unnerved as Sarah felt with the formality laid out in front of her, she had to admit she was looking forward to some proper home-cooked food.

Chris kept looking at Sarah, hands folded in her lap, polite as always, waiting for everyone else to go in front of her. He saw Michael help himself to three bread rolls before passing the plate back round to Lisa. Michael was a tall, hefty man whose appetite never seemed to be affected by anything. Even when he had horrendous flu that left him in bed for a fortnight, he still managed to put a lot away. He had never once experienced food poisoning.

“If you’re waiting for everyone else, there’ll be nothing left.” Chris spoke as he leaned in towards her so she could hear him over the sounds of cutlery and enjoyment. “Just go for it.”

She smiled shyly back at him and thanked Lisa for cooking what appeared to be a mini-feast.

“Can you pass the butter, please?” Shanna asked as she reached her arm over Sarah’s plate, forcing Sarah to lean back in her chair. She stretched her other arm out for the gravy that Scott was currently pouring over his plate.

“You’re always so polite.” Chris chuckled. “Shan, can you stop getting in the way and let the poor girl eat.”

“Huh?” Shanna questioned, unaware of what was going on.

“You’re getting in her way.”

“No, she’s fine. It’s fine.” Sarah quickly interrupted as she sensed him bristle with frustration.

He looked at her for another second before shaking his head. Shanna threw her brother a look of puzzlement but Scott appeared just as confused by his sudden tone.

“Bet this beats McDonald’s, eh Sarah?” Carly said, before giggling to herself.

“You’re telling me. I can’t remember the last time I ate something green and fresh.”

“Michael is so jealous.”

Michael’s ears perked up as he turned to his wife and Sarah. “Damn straight. Being only able to eat burgers and fries is, like, the dream scenario.”

“Why have you been on so many night shifts lately anyway?” Chris asked, a mouth full of chicken, placing the spotlight firmly on her.

She tried to shrug it off, act casually. “Audrey needed some extra support and I figured it would do me good to work in a few more nights. I always seem to manage to get out of them.”

She was fast hoping Lisa would start discussing the impending trip to distract everyone but no such luck.

This felt like it was going to be a long night.

“It gave you time off for this weekend so swings and roundabouts, eh?” Shanna added. “Speaking of which, is there anything you need us to do for the trip, Mom? I noticed everyone else has jobs and lists except for us.” Shanna inquired, not quite able to hide the mild accusatorial tone creeping into her words.

“Um, no, I don’t think so, honey. Just trying to keep it as casual as possible.”

Scott nearly choked out a chunk of potato. Chris, side-eyeing Michael’s increasingly red face, tried his hardest not to bark out in laughter. It was tough. Lisa noticed it, too. Choosing to ignore it, she turned back to her daughter.

“I meant that things are under control now so there’s no need to add to the pile. As long as you get there on time, that’s all I’ll ask for.”

Shanna wasn’t feeling convinced and the smug grin now on Chris’ face wasn’t helping to reassure her either. She turned to Sarah to see if she was thinking the same thing as her but Sarah just kept her eyes on the plate of food in front her, hoping that if she continued eating and finished as quickly as possible, she could get home again.

“I can do something, Mom.” She protested. “I could bring that lawn bowling game again?”

“Actually, Michael has one of those. It’s a bit newer and the skittles are heavier so the wind won’t keep knocking them over.” Carly spoke up before glancing apologetically at her sister. “He just got it from a friend at work, so… No biggie.”

“What about wine and drinks? We could stop off on the way up?”

“I put an order in for all of that.” Lisa responded with a casual wave of her hand. “It’ll be here the day before so I’ll pack it up here before we set off. Speaking of which, anyone for more wine?”

Shanna remained quiet as the family conversed about nothing in particular. Carly was talking about some game the kids at school had taught her that might be fun for the weekend but nothing could remove the unease surrounding her sister. Sure, Shanna wasn’t the most reliable when it came to shopping lists and sticking to plans but it was unlike Lisa not to call upon her for something, no matter how small and inconsequential it might be.

Attention turned from one brother to the next as discussions about carpooling took over. Chris really wanted to use the trip as an excuse to take his new Audi for a drive but with all the gear he and Scott had to bring, there wasn’t much room for anything or anyone else.

“Except maybe Sarah?” Chris posed the question, keeping it casual. “You could tag along with us and then Shanna could go with mom, I guess.”

“I was thinking of hiring a car myself actually.” Chris looked surprised at Sarah’s sudden offer. She hated driving. “We could take some of the load off everyone else then. Lisa? We could pack up some of your stuff?”

Sarah had loosely discussed this with Shanna some time ago but they had ultimately decided against it because, well, she really hated driving. Now, however, sensing her friend’s growing despondency, she figured it might help her feel more useful. Plus, it would give Sarah some control over when they could head back home again.

Shanna looked at her friend and smiled gratefully.

“That’s very kind of you, Sarah. I supposed you both could go on ahead and get the keys from Maggie and we could meet you there soon after? I said we would be getting there some time around the early afternoon if that’s alright with you both?” Lisa requested, opening another bottle of wine. Shanna nodded, a smile wide on her face now and she felt a sense of relief.

Sarah mentally calculated backwards from “early afternoon” and reasoned they would need to be up and out of the apartment by 7am at the latest. Suddenly, her role in proceedings made more sense where Shanna was concerned. She gladly accepted a new glass of wine and made a mental note to contact the car rental in the morning.

“You know who you should ask about renting cars?” Scott asked. “Greg, of course! I bet he knows a guy who knows a guy who is the son of the guy that started Mercedes. Or something. Either that or he probably has shares in Hertz.”

Sarah rolled her eyes at him, laughing. He probably wasn’t wrong.

“OK there, brother. You need to ease up on the wine” Chris pushed Scott’s glass further away and patted him on the back. “There you go, little sis. Looks like you have a job after all.”

A clear sign of Chris’ irritation was when he chose to be patronising. Shanna was taken aback by his tone and Sarah felt her friend sink back into her chair, irritated. Sarah raised her eyebrow at him but all he did was shrug, playing innocent. Not his strong point.

The room stayed silent for a little while as people finished up their meals. As much as she originally wanted to pace herself, Sarah didn’t object when Scott filled her glass up yet again. He turned in his chair to place the empty bottle on the side table alongside the others. It was then that Sarah noticed all of the other empties. Had they really drunk that much? In little more than an hour? She clocked the time and there still seemed to be plenty of food left. They would be travelling much of it home as afters at this rate. Chris left the room briefly and returned with a couple of beers for him and Michael.

“What are you gonna do with all this left-over food, ma?” Chris asked as he sat back down indicating a second tray of roast potatoes that had so far gone untouched.

“Please don’t let us take any.” Sarah joked, holding her hands up in playful protest.

“What?” Scott asked before laughing. He looked at his sister before smiling broadly at Sarah as he watched her cheeks blush red.

“Oh, she’s feeling self-conscious about her weight.” Shanna answered, nudging her under the table. That was helpful of her, thought Sarah. She could feel herself heating up as they all looked at her, waiting for her to speak up again. Chris took a swig of beer from his bottle and leaned his forearm on the table.

“No way in hell are you fat, Sarah. That’s ridiculous.” Scott combatted. “You’re really trim, being on your feet all day. I’d love to give you my fit-bit some time. I’d probably gain a few thousand steps.”

Sarah laughed out loud. “Thank you, Scott. Can we please change the subject?”

“So, you’ll be wearing a two-piece, yeh?” Chris asked. She turned to look at him suddenly before chuckling nervously.

“Um, I have no idea yet. Are we even going to use the hot tub?”

“I won’t be.” Lisa laughed.

“Oh, we all definitely will! It’s the height of summer and that thing can fit a dozen people. Ample room for comfort!” Scott enthused. He should be a salesman.

“And it’d be a real shame if you didn’t join in, Bernette.”

She felt her skin heat up under Chris’ gaze as he attempted to hide the fact he was looking at her by taking another long swig from his beer bottle. “I’m not apologising for that by the way. As a man and your friend, I can say that and you can’t get mad at me.”

“What?” Scott asked. It was a valid question in the circumstances. “What a…weird thing to say.” Scott laughed a little uncomfortably but Chris didn’t break eye contact with Sarah.

“So,” Michael attempted to add some humour back into the room. “Bet it’s nice sleeping during the daytime now you’re on lates? I used to love lazing around the house when I did them.”

Scott nodded enthusiastically in agreement, slapping his hand on the table. “I remember night shoots on this one TV drama I did a few years ago and honestly, the sleep I got the next day was the best ever. I don’t know why but I always tend to sleep better in the daytime.”

“Funny, that’s what your teachers used to say.” Chris joked, swigging his beer. Lisa giggled and fondly touched her son’s elbow.

“Oh ha ha ha. You’re so funny. I swear if you’re this amusing this weekend, I might not survive my sides splitting open.” Scott rolled his eyes. “Which reminds me, we should figure out rooms now so there’s no fighting on the day. No way am I sharing with this idiot.”

“You only wanna do that ‘cos you know we’ll be there first and we will be bagsying the attic this time.” Shanna thumbed the space between her and Sarah.

“You don’t deserve the attic.” Chris pointed. “You’ll be half-cut the entire weekend, like last time. You won’t enjoy the space or the views.”

“Excuse me? What do you care?” Shanna retorted.

“You spent a whole day in bed with a hangover last time. If you’re gonna be sharing with Sarah, it’s not fair on her to have to look after you. Again. It’ll spoil her weekend as well.” He explained. “She deserves a break just as much as you do.”

Shanna looked aghast at her friend before regarding her brother again. She shook her head in disbelief. “I can handle my drink, OK? I was just gonna say that it wouldn’t be fair if Scott got that room all to himself. Especially if he’s on his own again.”

“Thanks sis.”

“Sorry, Scott. But…y’know. If anything, Mom should have it.” She suggested, looking towards her mother in hopes that she might appreciate the offer.

“Thanks sweetie but I’ll be staying in the guest house this time. With Carly, Mikey and the kids.”

“Since when?” Chris asked, surprised.

“We just figured it would be easier this time around. Plus, I can help with the kids and you guys can sort breakfast for us all. Get your pancake apron out again, hun.” She winked at him, sipping her wine.

“Chris is a great tosser.” Shanna said under her breath.

“Shanna….” Lisa nudged her.

“Wait, so does this mean we get a room each then?” Scott interrupted. He wasn’t even sure of what he was saying as the wine haze gradually descended over him. “Sarah?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

“I’ve lost track of what’s going on now.” Scott said.

“That doesn’t answer the question of who gets the attic, though?” Shanna asked, a little whinier than she had intended.

“If Sarah and I take the downstairs rooms, we can figure out breakfast in the mornings.” Chris suggested. “And you can have your precious attic. That makes it easier, right? Does that make you happy, Shanna? Good.”

“What’s crawled up your ass and died this evening?” Shanna asked, irritated.

“Oh my god, Shanna, it’s a fucking bedroom.” He practically spitted. “You keep dragging everything out and making everything into a bigger deal than it needs to be.”

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you are! I’m just making the decisions so we can all move the fuck on.”

“Chris!” Lisa reprimanded her son and regretted over-ordering on the wine.

“It’s alright now.” Sarah attempted to calm things down. “I think we’ve pretty much figured it out so it’ll be fine.” Carly nodded and nudged Michael to offer something by way of support but he looked just as baffled by the tension as she did.

Chris landed his bottle on the table hard. “Sarah, you don’t need to keep standing up for her. She’s a big girl. She should be able to figure it out now without you babysitting her all the goddamn time.”

“What?!” Shanna also slammed her glass down on the table and looked to Scott and Carly for some back-up but they both seemed frozen to their respective spots. “I don’t need babysitting.”

“OK, guys. Dessert? I have pecan pie and or ice cream?” Lisa offered, standing up from her seat and making a shade more noise than necessary in the hope it might snap the kids out of whatever funk they were in.

Chris glared at his sister a beat too long and she returned the favour before turning away with a look of disgust. “You’re gonna be heaps of fun this weekend, I can tell.” Shanna shrugged. “Clearly, I’m not the one we need to be concerned with. Maybe it’s you that needs babysitting?”

“Fuck you!” Chris stressed, just low enough to miss his mother’s ears.

Carly’s eyes grew wide in shock and for a second, Chris looked like he might apologise. Sarah reached a hand under the table to gently tap Shanna on her leg. Shanna felt it but didn’t acknowledge it. Instead, she leant on her elbow and rubbed her earlobe between her thumb and forefinger, a sure sign she was feeling upset and possibly trying to stop tears forming. Sarah tried to get Chris’ gaze back on her but he continued eying his sister, no apology yet materialising. He was a loose cannon when he was in this mood and she didn’t much want to stick around and find out what might happen if he downed another beer.

“We should probably think about heading home, Shan. I’ll check for an Uber.” Sarah stated.

“Don’t do that, I’ll give you a lift, hun. It won’t take long. We can have some pie and then go if you like.” Carly offered with a wink and for the first time that evening, Sarah noticed she hadn’t been drinking.

“Always looking out for you, aren’t we?” Chris said, lowly.

“Do you wanna calm down?” Shanna asked.

“I am calm.” Chris replied. “I’m just having a nice time, right? That’s what we’re all doing here, yeh? Sarah?”

“Sorry?”

“Are you having a good time?” He pressed.

She was sure he was leading her into a trap.

“I am OK. Sure.” She spoke each syllable carefully, trying to warn him off from whatever his motive was.

“I don’t believe you.”

She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, or anyone. She held her hands in her lap and paid attention to the air she was now breathing in deeply.

“Oh Jesus Christ!” Shanna called out. She was growing more and more frustrated with her brother by the second.

“Shanna!” intercepted Lisa.

“No! He’s being a dick and I wanna know why!” She turned back to Chris. “What the hell have I done to piss you off?!”

He stayed quiet, blocking her voice out. He focussed as much of his energy as he could at Sarah sitting across from him, willing her to look back at him, to let him know it was going to be OK. He swung between feeling regret and feeling practically and absurdly confident. It was the beer obviously. It really felt like a now-or-never moment. Fuck it.

“I’m sorry, Sarah.”

Sarah finally looked up at him, tears appearing in the corners of her eyes. Her feet felt like they were weighed down with concrete to the spot underneath. She tried to feel them, to grab at the carpet between her toes. She was pretty sure she could no longer hear what was going on around her as she felt her heart beat inside her ears.

“Why are you apologising to her? I’m the one that’s upset!” countered Shanna, jabbing her finger at him, aggressively.

He shook his head before looking back at his sister. “I’m sorry, Shanna. I wish there was a better way of saying this but I guess not. I’m just…”

He paused as he tried to find the words. Sarah felt her heart sink. What felt like goosebumps suddenly appeared up and down her arms. Chris looked at her again. Scott looked at her, too, picking up on something for the first time but what, he couldn’t work out. Damn that second bottle.

“I’m just tired.” Chris offered. Carly looked to Michael but he knew nothing of what was happening. “Of this.”

“Is it work again?” Lisa enquired. “Maybe you could work in some time off this time around, so you’re not away from home for as long.”

“No, it’s not work, ma. I’m just tired in general. Of a lot of things. People.” He pronounced each syllable as clearly as he possibly could. “And I know it sounds pathetic and you’re probably thinking I’m being selfish but I really don’t fucking care.”

“I…I don’t understand, honey.”

“Yeh, what are you talking about?” Shanna turned to her friend but her stare wasn’t quite matched by Sarah who looked like she was waiting for the ground to swallow her whole. “Does anyone know what the hell he’s talking about? Or why I am in the firing line for it all of a sudden?”

“Shan, I don’t think-” Scott started but the glare from his sister stopped him in his tracks. Scott looked at Sarah and things started falling into place. For some reason, of all the memories to have at that moment in time, his mind flashed back to standing out on his brother’s terrace on the evening of his birthday party. Chris had been distracted and checking his phone, even more than usual so Scott was certain it had something to do with a girl. Normally, he’d feel a sense of pride at being right but it didn’t feel altogether appropriate in the current circumstances.

“What the hell is going on?” Shanna pressed. She looked to Scott who had his gaze fixed firmly on his brother. “Do you know, Scott?”

Scott looked to his brother and when Chris met his gaze, he knew. He knew Scott knew, too. Call it brotherly intuition but something had connected for him and Chris was all the more grateful for it.

“Do you ever feel tired or dictating everyone else’s happiness?” Chris asked, breaking the silence.

Shanna dropped her hands on her lap in frustration. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? When have I ever dictated your happiness?”

“Do you even realise what people do for you? Do you ever take notice of everyone around you, going out of their way to make you feel better even if it makes them feel worse? Take tonight for example. Sarah doesn’t even wanna drive this weekend. She fuckin’ hates it, you know this, but she’s doing it anyway so that you can feel useful. It’s pathetic.”

“What? You heard her, she just offered.”

“Because you’ve been moaning about not having anything to do! If you’d just moved on, shut up, she probably wouldn’t have needed to.”

“That’s not true. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Shanna dismissed him.

“Why don’t I get the car running and you guys can meet me outside in 5?” Carly proposed, indicating to Sarah that she should try and gather her things, Shanna included.

Chris completely ignored Carly. “And you’ve asked her what she wants, right?”

“Chris, please…” It was pathetic. Sarah knew that.

“I just don’t get it, Sarah.” He turned to her with a half-hearted shrug. “I’ve thought about it all week but I just don’t understand what you are getting out of this. Surely, I give you more than this?”

“OK.” Lisa got up from the table and moved round to where Shanna was sitting, rubbing a hand across the back of her shoulders as though it was in preparation of something, but Shanna abruptly pushed her hand away.

“Sarah and I have been seeing each other. For a little while. A few months maybe, I lost track of time.”

Shanna’s jaw dropped. Scott should have felt something but after glancing at his mother stood in front of him on the other side of the table, and recognising the same look in her eyes, he stayed quiet. He saw Sarah close her eyes and figured someone should try and comfort her, too, but it was hard to know where to stand.

Shanna found some strength to open her mouth a few times but no sound came out, until… “What?”

“You don’t need to worry, though. It’s over now.” He placed his bottle of beer on the table and leaned back. He placed his fingers on the edge, running them up and down the smooth, varnished wood. “She ended it by the way. Because she knew you wouldn’t be happy.”

Shanna’s mouth hung open, dry. “Is that true?” She turned to Sarah. “Were you with him?”

“I just said so, didn’t I?”

“I wasn’t asking you!”

Chris wasn’t sure what he was hoping for in that moment. He looked at Sarah and felt sadness. Sadness at the pain evidently coursing through her body in that moment. She looked small and deflated somehow. He felt astonishingly sober, more’s the pity. He wished he could go to her and hold her but he knew it was the last thing she wanted. Probably what anyone would have wanted. It wouldn’t have helped matters and he wasn’t sure anything he could say now would do that job either.

Sarah took in an audible breath and looked at her friend. She blinked back the few tears that had gathered but it only seemed to make things worse. “I’m…sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

“I think I’ll just…” Michael pointed to the door and left the table as quickly as he could manage, no doubt to fill Carly in.

“Oh my God.” Shanna replied. She put her face in her hands and didn’t move. “I don’t believe this.”

Sarah looked beyond Shanna to Lisa who offered her a surprisingly reassuring smile that she was definitely not expecting. Did she feel grateful for it? She had zero clue. “I’m so sorry.”

“We don’t have anything to be sorry for, Sarah.” It was the gentlest tone Chris had spoken in all night. “Shan, I know it’s a lot to take in right now but you should know that this wasn’t just some fling or something utterly stupid. There’s a real thing here.” He looked to Sarah for reassurance. “Right?”

Sarah couldn’t look him in the eye.

“OK, I know I haven’t handled this in the best way-”

“-That’s an understatement.” Scott finally found his voice.

“-I accept that and for that, I am really sorry, I promise you. But you have to see things from my perspective here.”

“Chris, I don’t think that’s what needs to be said right now, OK? Your sister is very upset and I think you should maybe head home to sleep this off. Scott, can you...?”

Scott nodded in agreement and left the room to grab both their jackets.

“Mom, this isn’t-”

“-I know.” She held her hand up to stop him. The less he said now, the better. At least until a few hours had been put between them. Chris, resigned, agreed.

He looked at Sarah again hoping for something, anything, that might make him think things were going to be alright. Lisa noticed the plea in his eyes, practically begging her to look at him.

“Sarah, sweetheart, you both can stay here tonight. I think we should probably be together for a bit, yeh?”

Sarah was flummoxed by the offer but grateful at the same time. She knew Shanna wouldn’t say anything to her if they just went home again, if she would even come back to their apartment at all. She’d shut her bedroom door and not emerge for some time and that would have driven her mad. She wanted to get out of there as fast as she could but…this was perhaps better. Safer.

It was going to be a long night.

#chris evans #chris evans fic #fan fiction #Sarah Bernette #clear the area #evans fic #chris fic #chris evans x original female character

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elejahfanfic · 4 years ago

Text

Fanfiction

And so it is Christmas

Part 5

Elijah Mikaelson x reader

ft. Klaroline, Kennett

AU story_human_no vampires

a/n:There will be great mad Mikaelson chaos and lots of love… i.e. Elijah falling for Y/N…cookie baking, etc.

well, actually_absolute christmas fluff… ho-ho-ho

_also this just blew into such a long ch again_ thanks for reading. xoxo

🎅

In the Mikaelson Mansion

Esther looked at the happy bunch mucking around in the kitchen. She loved the holiday season. It always brought a strange kind of warmth to the house.

"Everyone is very high spirited" the butler said,"this idea to have them participate in making the buiscuits was marvellous"

"Wasn't it just" Esther said, now looking at Klaus and Caroline cutely talking to one another, him complimenting the blonde on her artistic streak.

"I find it quite unusual that Elijah left Caroline behind and went out with Kol" Esther remarked.

"There have been developments" the butler said.

"What do you mean?" Esther now looked at the man with puzzled eyes.

"Master Elijah and Ms Forbes are no longer together. Prior to Miss Rebekah's trip to New York, they put an end to their relationship. Not that it was any serious relationship as such."

Esther raised an inquisitive eye-brow at the butler, and told him to follow her to the drawing room to speak more privately.

The butler has always been the source of gossip and knew all that was going on, as Rebekah could not keep anything to herself. He now told the Mistress of the house all about Elijah falling for Dr Y/L/N/

Now, Esther, having found out the latest going ons said, "Well, that explains Elijah's great interest in the Fundraiser. But isn't Dr Y/L/N seeing Klaus?"

"No. I found out from Master Kol that Dr Y/L/N and Master Klaus - just hooked up once- these are his exact words."

"I understood that there was more. He frequently is seen going to the Y/L/N Lake house." Esther said.

"Ahm, I have that information, too." the butler said.

"We have to find out what exactly is going on. I do not wish any of my sons to get hurt. It is not the first time they get entagled with a woman. Remember how things went with Rayna Cruz."

"Yes, I do." Jefferson recalled the stress that went off the brother's back in New Orleans, when they both had a crash on the beautiful blonde.

"She left them both heartbroken," Esther said, "and that fight - over her. I didn't want this to happen again."

"It will not. They are way more mature now, and Master Klaus is now much calmer."

"Yes. But still - a woman can stir up things- no matter what age a man is"

"Dr Y/L/N doesn't appear to be a woman that would string two men along." the butler said.

"No. I think I will still have a word with her."

"Is this wise, Ma'am?"

Esther sighed. "Not really, but I cannot have a repetition of what we had years ago. And it being the reason Elijah moved to New York. It broke my heart having him so far away."

"But they have made up and they have been so very supportive of each other. Master Klaus met Aurora and - all was forgotten."

"Yes," Esther said and now took a deep breath looking at the faithful butler, "I have heard that Rayna had a child."

Jefferson looked at the woman a tad bit stunned. It seemed he didn't know all.

"What are you suggesting, Ma'am?

"That maybe - there somewhere Elijah might have a son." Esther now said.

"Oh! Are you sure?"

"No. By the time I got this probable news - Rayna left New Orleans to - god knows where"

"But - if the child was Master Elijah's, I am sure she would come to you and said something. Ask for money. She was daring enough"

“True.” Esther said. “I wish he finds someone he can start a family with and be happy.”

“Maybe Christmas will work its magic this year.” Jefferson said.

“Well, let’s hope so.” Esther curled up a little smile.

🎅🎄

Elsewhere- the Y/L/N House

"Because of you" Elijah said looking at Y/N in a very sincere manner.

"Me?" Y/N looked back at the man wide-eyed.

She was not expecting this answer. Or maybe she did.

"Yes. And I know that we hardly know each other- and I - this is now going to come out wrong - but ever since that evening volunteering in the shelter - I can't stop thinking about you" Elijah said, twisting the truth a bit, as in fact, he could not stop thinking about her since he saw her at the boutique.

"Oh" Y/N let out followed by a gulp. For some strange reasin she froze, though she wanted to say that she also had him on her mind eversince she saw him at the boutique.

As there was no other response coming from Y/N, Elijah, slipping ‘Right’ and got up, "Ahm- I better go"

Y/N now got up as well, and for an unexplained reason said, "Ok"

Like a lost soul, Elijah looked for his coat jacket. Having found it in the living room, he took it and put it on, thanking Y/N in the process for the pie.

Y/N nodded a little saying, "You're welcome"

Elijah nodded back, everything inside of him very jumbled up he turned and walked to the door.

"Wait" Y/N suddenly said.

🎅

Meanwhile, at the Mystic Falls Ice Rink

"Hey" Klaus greeted Kol, who had just arrived at the Ice rink with Bonnie, "Elijah is not answering his phone."

"He is still busy making pies" Kol replied, "where are the others?"

"Bex and Stefan have this dinner thing with his uncle, and Hope went with Caroline to get some ice-skates cuz she doesn't have any - here" Klaus explained now looking at Bonnie, "isn't it time you introduced your girfriend"

"Yeah" Kol said somewhat confused, "this my other older brother - Klaus - the nuisance"

Bonnie now extended her hand to Klaus saying,"Hello. It's weird that we never met and you are at the School board and Hope is attending my chemistry class this year."

"I meant to come to see you regarding Hope. She is telling me that you chose her for the State Chemistry Olympiad? She is Middle School- is she that good? "

"Yes. She is very talented. Quite an over-achiever." Bonnie said.

"I don't know where she gets it from" Kol now said with a teasing smirk.

Klaus would now hrow something clever back at his brother, but Hope and Caroline now joinrd them. More greetings and more introduction followed. Soon they all got inside the rink.

Kol showed off his ice-skating skills to Bonnie, who was pretty impressed. Bonnie was not skating since college and felt pretty rusty.

"How come you are so good at this?" Bonnie wondered.

"Well I lived here for five years now. I also played for Mystic High Hockey team. We moved here five years ago."

"Wow." Bonnie said, "I must say I amazed."

"I also had a band." Kol said.

"What else don't I know?" Bonnie asked.

"I was bad in chemistry." Kol said cutely.

"Ah, nevermind. I still like you." Bonnie now kissed her man.

Not far from them, Caroline skated up to Klaus, who actually just stood at rink's fence, totally lost in Caroline exhibiting her figure skating skills.

As she now came up to him, he was all stars in his eyes at her-

"Tell me why are you a lawyer?"

"Ah, because - my dad thought it would have been a more solid career"

"You are serious?"

"I was the US. Collegiate Figure skating champion." Caroline said.

"Really?"

"Yes. But, this is where I started. This is where my mom brought me to skate when I was five years old - and" Caroline now inhaled deeply, her eyes watering.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Klaus now said concerned.

"Nothing. Just great memories. I didn't think I would be back here or skate here ever again."

"You lived here? When?"

"Till my mom died. And then I went to live with my dad in New York." Caroline replied, "Thanks for - this was a great idea. And - sorry if me coming down made things awkward- now that Elijah and I - broke up."

"Our family does awkward well. So you are all right." Klaus said.

"I don't know. Even though Elijah and I said we would be friends - I feel like I am intruding."

"I am for one am glad you are intruding - I mean- ahm- you are not intruding at all. You saved me from getting the whole cookie baking and you did such great job helping Hope, and Rebekah for that matter. You should yake credit for all the baking that was done today. I can only imagine what it would be like if you didn't step in."

"I guess, your cook would have to do it all."

"Yes, and we would never stop hearing mother tell us that we could have done better." Klaus said.

"I doubt that. She is lovely." Caroline said.

"Yes, mother is the best."

"I miss my mom so much." Caroline now said.

"I am sorry." Klaus now said with great empathy in his voice.

The song that now came on made Caroline take Klaus suddenly by the hands and said, "You are skating now"

"What? No, no, no. I am not like Kol."

"It is not that hard. I got you. You will be fine." Caroline reassured Klaus, who, strangely let himself go.

✨

At Y/L/N House

"Wait!" Y/N said again and shot over to Elijah, and wihtout hesitation drew his lips to hers, like catching a dream that was about to disappear. She made their lips, mouth, tongue flow in the beautiful rhythm of what their heartbeats played, like tiny bells echoing like the shooting stars up in the skies. Easing out of it, heads leaning on one another now, both trying to gain some breath back, they stood silent for a moment, her thumbs lightly streaming up and down the side of the neck, while his hands got lost in the tangle of her her, dropping on her shoulders. If he spoke, he thought, this sweet enchantment would be broken. And yet, the first word shimmered out, "Y/N”

"Elijah" Y/N smiled a little, her cheeks feeling flush, "I don't know - what's happening - I mean- I know - but I never thought that - it all came out of nowhere"

"It has - and I - I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I tried not to feel - because I was with someone else- and you"

"Because I was with your brother" Y/N took a deep breath, "this never happened to me - I am not someone who goes from one guy to the next - let alone brothers- and has crazy drunken one night stand"

"Please - I didn't mean to upset you"

"You didn't upset me - I am - just such a hot mess - if you know what I mean" Y/N said raising her look at him, "I also coudn't stop thinking about you"

Elijah lips curled a happy smile up now, the corner of his eyes catching the mistletoe hanging right over them. Y/N looked up as well. They were standing right under the lush evergreen beaming down at them.

With their eyes now dropping on one another again, Elijah gently pulled her to him into a sweet, deep, long kiss.

_to be continued🎄🎅🤶

#elijah mikaelson x reader #elijah mikealson #the originals christmas #klaroline #kennett #klaus mikaelson #kol mikaelson #fanfiction writing

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wonkasmissstarshine · 4 years ago

Text

The Chocolatier’s Rose {Willy Wonka x OC} Ch.14

GIFs not mine. Credit go to owners.

Summary: Things are turning out better for the Bucket family, but Rose is still heartbroken. So, she makes a decision.

Tagging: @holdmeicant @willymywonkers @sleepiesapphicxoxo

Within the week, life had improved greatly for the Buckets. They had fixed the hole in the roof. Grandpa Joe was up and about, helping with chores. Mr Bucket had also started his new job at toothpaste factory, fixing the machine that replaced him. The pay was a lot better, and now the Buckets could afford more food, other than cabbage soup.

Rose had also gone back to work at Mrs Mason's Magical Pies. She worked alongside the older woman, baking pies in the kitchen. Rose had also made other friends with the newly hired employees. There was Priscilla and Eleanor, the two new waitresses, Danny who worked the front counter, and Felix who was the new dishwasher.

Mrs Mason's shop has been much busier, meaning she was making more money, which meant Rose was getting a better pay check.

However, not everything in Rose's life was positive. She was supposed to get married the day after the visit to the chocolate factory, but she had feigned sickness in hopes of avoiding the wedding. She was pretending that she had a flu, that way the wedding would be delayed for a week or two. At least she worked in the kitchen full time now, that way Harry couldn't see her if he came snooping around.

"My dear, that boy is eventually going to find out that you're not really sick" Mrs Mason told Rose. Rose was rolling out dough with a rolling pin, while Mrs Mason moulded the dough and put in the fillings. "Just tell him you don't need to marry him anymore"

"I... I think..." Rose hesitated to answer Mrs Mason. She knew that the older woman wasn't going to like the answer that was going to come out of her mouth. "Maybe I would be better off marrying Harry"

Mrs Mason sighed, putting her hand on her hip and leaning against the counter. "Why on Earth would you think that?"

"Because, I'm never going to love anyone the way that I loved..." Rose paused, not wanting to say his name. It broke her heart to even think of Willy Wonka. Rose swallowed a lump in her throat as she continued. "The way that I loved him ever again. I might as well save myself a life of loneliness and marry that monster"

"But that's no excuse to marry someone you don't love. Hell, I don't even think that boy really loves you. He just wants power over you, dear. And if you marry Harry, you're giving that to him" Mrs Mason's tone was harsh, but it needed to be if she wanted to get through to Rose. "At least with Mr Wonka, from everything you told me about him, he seemed to truly care for you. Even if you two did only know each other for a day"

"If he really did love me, then he would have let us all move into the factory" Rose spat out, aggressively rolling the dough for the pie crust. "He would have let Charlie bring us with him"

"Dear, I know you're angry but don't take it out on the dough" Mrs Mason said. Rose suddenly stopped rolling the dough. A tear then slipped from her eye and it splattered on the flattened dough. "Why don't you take a couple days off? Clear your head?"

"Mrs Mason, you don't need to—"

"Yes, I do my dear" Mrs Mason said. She took the rolling pin from Rose. "Take the time you need to clear your head. I'll still pay you for your scheduled days"

Rose sighed and nodded. "Thank you, Mrs Mason" She hugged the woman.

"Please, take care of yourself. And when you come back, and I find a ring on your finger, I'm going to be very disappointed, do you understand?"

Rose hesitated. "Yes" And with that, she left the shop, saying her goodbye to her friends as she walked past them. Priscilla came into the kitchen, with a newspaper in hand.

"Is everything alright with Ro?" Priscilla asked.

Mrs Mason sighed and continued on with making a coconut cream pie. "The poor girl is suffering terribly from a broken heart"

Priscilla frowned, feeling very worried for her friend. "She's not going to marry that ghastly Harry boy, is she?"

"Despite everything I told her, I fear she may still be considering going through with it"

"Well, it turns out that Rose isn't the only one suffering from a broken heart" Priscilla dropped the newspaper beside Mrs Mason. The older woman went wide eyed as she read the headline.

Wonka Bars dropping in sales. The once sweet and delicious chocolates, have now turned terribly bitter. Is this the end for the famed chocolatier? What has happened to make his chocolate and candy not so sweet?

"Do you think Rose had anything to do with this?" Priscilla wondered curiously.

"Maybe. I know from experience that a broken heart can affect the things you're most passionate about" Mrs Mason explained. "When my beloved husband died, my pies were absolutely terrible. It took me about a year before my pies were magical again"

******

Rose had cried all the way home. She was about to make a regretful decision, but she didn't see any other choice. Everything Mrs Mason has told her went right out the window.

Rose had run into Harry on her way home. Harry was angry at her for pretending to have the flu. But when Rose had said that she was ready to marry him, today to be exact, his mood had changed to a pleased one.

They were to be wed in two hours. That's why Rose went home. She needed to pick up the wedding dress.

Mr and Mrs Bucket weren't home when she got there. Rose presumed they were out at the market. Grandpa Joe was outside working in their new garden where they grew a new assortment of fresh vegetables. The other grandparents were fast asleep for theirs naps. And she didn't see Charlie anywhere. He must be out at his new job of shining shoes.

Rose opened a cupboard where the wedding dress was being kept. She grabbed the dress and was about to walk out the door when she heard Charlie's voice.

"Rosie? What are you doing?" He asked. His eyes trailed over to the wedding dress in her arm. "You're getting married today?" Charlie sounded disappointed, but at the same time, he knew that this was her decision and he would support it.

"Yes, Charlie. In two hours to be exact" Rose confessed. "Believe me, I've really thought this through, and as much as I'm going to regret it, this is the best thing I can do right now"

Charlie nodded. "Is there anything that can be done to change your mind?"

"Unless Mr Wonka magically crashes the wedding to apologize, then no" Rose pulled Charlie into a hug and kissed him on the top of his head. "I love you, Charlie. You're the best little brother any girl could ever ask for"

"I love you too, Rosie" Charlie said. "You're an amazing sister"

And with that, Rose was out the door and on her way to the church. Where in a matter of two hours, a surprising twist of fate would be taking place.

******

Charlie settled himself in front of another client reading the newspaper. Charlie scrubbed the brush in the polish, and then got to work on the client's shoes.

"Pity about that chocolate fellow, Wendell, er, Walter" the client broke the silence. Charlie thought there was something very familiar about the man's voice.

"Willy Wonka" Charlie corrected.

"That's the one. Says here in the paper his new candies aren't selling very well. But I suppose he's just a rotten egg who deserves it"

"Yep"

"Oh, really? You ever met him, the chocolate maker?"

"I did. I thought he was great at first, but then he didn't turn out so nice" Then Charlie added. "He also has a funny haircut"

The man lowered the paper, revealing himself to be Willy Wonka. "I do not!"

"Why are you here?" Charlie asked him.

"I don't feel so hot" Willy explained. "What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?"

Charlie answered. "My family"

"Ew" Willy cringed, leaning back in his chair.

Charlie stood up. "What do you have against my family?"

"It's not just your family. It's the whole idea of..." Willy swallowed down the word 'family' like it was a lump in his throat. He continued. "You know, they're always telling you what to do, what not to do, and it's not conducive to a creative atmosphere"

"Usually they're just trying to protect you because they love you" Charlie explained. Willy made a disgusted face. "If you don't believe me, you should ask"

"Ask who?" Willy scoffed. "My father?" He let out a sarcastic laugh. "No way" Willy took a moment to think the idea over. "At least, not by myself"

"You want me to go with you?" Charlie suggested.

Willy smiled for the first time in two weeks. "Hey, what a good idea! Yeah!" Willy got out of the seat.

Charlie then suddenly remembered his sister. The wedding ceremony would be happening very shortly, and it needed to be stopped before she made the biggest mistake of her life. "But we need to stop somewhere first. We need to get Rose"

Willy's stomach fluttered at the mention of her name. Oh, how he's missed her. He would give anything to see her again and apologize to her. "Where is she?"

"At the church. She's about to get married"

Willy's smile dropped, as did his heart. "She's getting...?" He trailed off, not wanting to say the word. Only because he couldn't think of Rose marrying anyone but him.

"Yes, to a man that she doesn't even love. And I'm scared that if she marries him, he won't ever let us see her again" Charlie's voice shook with fear.

Willy couldn't let that happen. He saw how close Charlie and Rose were. She would be miserable if she was to never see her family again. He can't believe he made that mistake himself.

"Well then, we have no time to lose!" Willy said, walking towards the glass elevator. "And you know what? I've got trans—" Willy yet again walked into the elevator and fell to the ground. He quickly got up and collected himself. "I have to be more careful where I park this thing"

Willy and Charlie went into the elevator. Willy pressed a button and the elevator moved. First stop, the church to save Rose.

#willy wonka x oc #willy wonka x reader #willy wonka #rose bucket #my oc #rose and willy #the chocolatier's rose

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amillioninprizes · 5 years ago

Text

An entirely too long post on how to fix Veronica Mars

So, anyone who has followed this blog for any length of time knows: 1) What a massive Veronica Mars fan I was and 2) how distraught I’ve been over the most recent season that debuted on Hulu in July. I’ve been pretty angry about it since it dropped, but the first month after I was pretty occupied with real life stuff. Now that I’m more settled, I’ve found myself getting sadder and angrier over time with just how terrible S4 was and what an obvious fuck you to longtime fans it was. It feels dumb to be so upset over a tv show, but this show got me through a lot over the past 8 years, and I feel like it’s been taken away from me.

It’s anyone’s guess as to whether there will be a new season. Ideally it would end here with maybe an alternate ending filmed to avoid alienating fans further. On the one hand, the botched release, overwhelmingly negative response, and silence from the creators after initial interviews don’t look good for renewal chances. On the other hand, Hulu doesn’t have a lot of streaming hits, it probably did relatively decent numbers, and there are rumors floating around that its pickup chances look good. On a personal level, I hate the idea that this is where the legacy of Veronica Mars ends, while at the same time being extremely wary of what the creators have planned. I think a big part of the disappointment with S4 was that the movie and books set up what could have been some really interesting storylines and situations, all of which RT and co. squandered for cheap drama and to apparently turn the show into an entirely new vehicle; additionally I had hope that S4 would be a chance to rectify some problems the show has long had, but again, S4 exacerbated them. At this point I don’t expect anyone higher up in the creative process or at Hulu to give a fuck about the fans or making the show better as long as they hit streaming targets, but here are some suggestions:

Fire Rob Thomas

While he created the show, it’s become clear that not only has he lost touch with the audience and the original spirit of the character, he doesn’t seem too keen on putting much effort into writing the show (as I will discuss below). Then you have his clear misogyny: his views that women in relationships can’t be interesting, that what makes Veronica interesting as a character is her trauma and how much she can endure, and the fact that basically every female character in the history of the show has a history of sexual victimization. He thought that making the Mexican cartel hitmen “philosophical” was subverting expectations (which says a lot of what his expectations of Latinx characters are). Then this is the way he essentially exploited his long term fan base to earn a new season of the show, only to turn around and tell us that we don’t matter. From a business perspective alone keeping him doesn’t make sense; selling a streaming platform on your loyal fanbase and then proceeding to purposefully piss ~80% of them off would be pretty questionable to me as someone in charge. The sheer cruelty with which he treated not only the fans who have supported him for 15 years (I fucking used to liveblog iZombie y’all. iZombie!), as well as how he callously dismissed long time cast members in favor of celebrity guest stars should not be rewarded. He’s admitted in interviews that he would be ok with younger writers doing a reboot many years in the future; why not just let him have a producer credit and then hand the show over to someone who’s invested in making it good?

Put a woman in charge and diversify the writing staff

A big problem with a) Veronica’s characterization in S4 b) RT’s ideas about what makes female characters interesting c) the show’s long history of problematic treatment of sexual assault is that it comes from a man’s conception of the female experience. The Veronica showcased in S4 and that RT wants to write in the future is very much a male fantasy: hates marriage and children, traumatized, DTF, and is too cool for other women. RT stated in interviews that he wanted to show Veronica at a “crossroads” this season in a way he claimed had been shown for men but not women; many female viewers found this depiction to ring false (few women are spending their time fretting about how committing to marriage after five years in an established relationship will bar us from strange sex going forward). In addition to having RT at the helm, most of the show’s writing staff for the majority of its run has been white dudes, which doesn’t bode well for telling the story of a female PI in a diverse community in today’s political climate. Putting a woman in charge would hopefully help rectify these issues to make the character feel more true to life and put a damper on the misogynistic storytelling. The show has a natural candidate in RT’s second-in-command Diane Ruggiero-Wright (despite her problematic history, never forget #KeisterEggGate), who has admitted to not being able to watch the last episode. Jennifer Graham, who wrote both of the books, would also be a worthy addition to the writing staff; while the books had a mixed reception, most fans agree that she got Veronica’s character right. And with the show’s problematic historical treatment of minority characters, adding more POC writers going forward is also necessary.

Bring back Logan (alive)

You don’t have to be a LoVe shipper to recognize just how integral Logan has been since the inception of the show, not just as Veronica’s partner but as a character is his own right. Logan’s journey in many ways parallels Veronica’s, and shows a contrast in how different characters respond to similar trauma. The most critical plot line in the show’s history, the mystery of who killed Lilly Kane, simply doesn’t work without Logan’s importance to Veronica. RT and his defenders like to claim that Logan was holding her back from true growth, which is frankly bizarre as he is the only character to consistently challenge her, like when he tells her that she obviously isn’t happy this season. Additionally, Logan’s scenes this season were the lone highlight of what was otherwise a painful slog of a season. Of the people who have said they would watch a potential S5, a good portion are only interested because they believe that the ambiguity of the last 10 minutes of the season means he’s not really dead (despite what RT has said in interviews). Then there’s what Logan’s death does to Veronica’s character, effectively cutting off what would have been an interesting character arc and stagnating her forever. No matter how much they try to shove Leo the pedo creep and other milquetoast RT self-insert love interests on us, no one else can possible measure up to Logan’s level in terms of being able to match Veronica as a character, intellectually or as a result of shared history.

Plus, the fact that we haven’t had a Weevil/Logan interaction since S3 is a goddamn travesty and should be rectified immediately.

Bring back Veronica

As sad as I am about Logan’s death, for me the most upsetting aspect of S4 was the assassination of Veronica’s character. For many viewers (including myself), the character we saw Kristen Bell portray in S4 wasn’t Veronica Mars but a different character with the same name. Between her abusive behavior towards Logan, her general indifference to her father’s medical condition, her dismissal of Wallace, and her racism towards Latinx characters (using a kid’s lawyer to threaten deportation: not a good look!), she was lacking the marshmallow-y center that always balanced out the pricklier aspects of her character and made her compelling. This change in characterization was especially jarring given that she was not this way when we last saw her in the books, where she mused about having children and sent her half-brother Hunter to summer camp (side note, but does he even exist anymore?). Many of us who had grown up with Veronica were hoping to see her grow with us as a character; instead we got an extreme regression lower than we’ve ever seen her. It would be one thing if they were trying to depict a PTSD storyline, which would make sense given her background, but since her change in behavior is never addressed by the narrative, it just makes her look like a cruel asshole and makes it impossible to root for her. This is exacerbated by the fact that RT has made it clear he has no interest in portraying her inner life, as shown by his wanting to avoid showing her grief over Logan’s death because it would be a real downer compared to the entertaining but ultimately hollow banter and quips he wants to focus on. Veronica this season was also just plain dumb: you mean to tell me that the girl who nearly got killed by Aaron Echolls in her back seat wouldn’t think to check her backseat every time she gets in a car? (And let’s not even start with RT’s bizarre assertion in an interview that she apparently votes Republican). Not helping matters was Kristen Bell’s performance, which felt very flat for me this season compared to S1-3 and the movie; I don’t know if this was due to personal limitations or a reflection of the bad writing. Writers of future installments and KB herself would be wise to revisit S1, the movie, and the books to figure out what makes sense for Veronica’s character, leading me to my next point:

Get reacquainted with canon, develop a show bible, and hire a continuity director

This show has long had a problem with dropped plots, timelines, and continuity issues. Shelly Pomroy’s party has two happened either in the summer, or the fall. Then we have the movie paradox: Veronica graduated high school in 2006, which means her 10 year reunion should have taken place in 2016. The movie was released in 2014 and the books seem to keep to 2014 dates. Then S4 states that Keith’s movie accident took place in 2013, and mysteriously ages Veronica up to 35 when she should be 32 in 2019. Logan mentions an Aunt Naomi in S4--why didn’t she take care of him after Aaron was arrested (and what happened to Trina)? How the hell is Leo working as an FBI agent when he presided over the disappearance of the Lilly/Aaron tapes? Veronica is shown to be tentatively forgiving of Weevil taking the settlement from the sheriff’s department in Mr. Kiss and Tell, but is then shown to be extremely angry towards him for it in S4. This is just a small selection of the inconsistencies within the show. Plus there is the problem of repeated plot lines: Veronica rejects Leo in favor of Logan in S1, then rejects Leo in favor of Logan in Mr. Kiss and Tell, only for her to...reject Leo in favor of Logan in S4 (and RT says he wants to leave the high school plots behind). This sloppiness doesn’t bode well for a series that is supposed to be about mysteries, which require tight plotting. It would behove TPTB going forward to once and for all determine a timeline of Veronica’s life, keep a detailed record of past plot and character points, and have at least one person on staff who thinks to remember this stuff (RT notoriously has only a “solid, not spectacular” memory of the show, no matter what Kareem Abdul-Jabbar says).

Make an effort (and do your fucking research)

Moving on from continuity issues to more general problems with the laziness of RT’s writing. He has basically admitted that he doesn’t care much about facts or characterization when writing plots--he shoehorns details to fit the plot rather than have it evolve organically from the characters and prior canon. I know that when writing it’s often impossible to make every story detail 100% accurate, but the extent of RT’s sloppiness is alarming. This excellent Reddit thread details a lot of the problems with S4 in particular, but this has been a problem since S2. Did anyone ever understand exactly why the Fitzpatricks were invested in framing Logan for Felix’s death? In the movie, it makes no sense that if Cobb and co. wanted Carrie silenced, they would add the complication of framing Logan for her murder--given her history, it would have been a lot easier just to make it look like she had accidentally overdosed. Given his previous patterns of villain writing fans were able to guess the identity of the S4 bomber based on casting alone. The mysteries in both Mr. Kiss and Tell and S4 are both ripped from the headlines, which indicates that RT wants to turn VM into the next Law and Order. Meanwhile, he complained about how hard including Logan in the story in S4 was, while Logan arguably had the best lines and most interesting scenes this season--apparently when you put an effort into things, they work out! This laziness extends past storyline issues and into factual problems that detract from the quality of the plot. Longtime fandom pals are probably tired about hearing me go on and on about how there’s no way Aaron’s lawyers could have gotten Veronica’s medical records due to HIPAA laws. Logan’s career change from naval aviator to intelligence is highly unlikely (and unnecessary, given that they changed it only to fridge him at the end of the season). Meanwhile, I know fanfic writers who have spent hours on the phone with strangers in order to research what type of firearm would cause a specific type of bullet injury. It’s very puzzling to me that RT wants to take the show in the direction of being mystery-only when apart from that one time he is piss poor at writing mysteries and puts no effort into them. I shouldn’t have to tell television writers to, you know, do their job but this is what we’ve come to in 2019.

Know your audience

A majorly annoying thing about the promo for this season is how in every single interview Rob Thomas did he was always talking about how he wanted VM to be like other shows and movies: Fargo, True Detective, Game of Thrones, Chinatown (which is apparently the only noir movie he’s ever seen). The thing is, if I wanted to watch those shows, I would; I watched Veronica Mars specifically because I enjoyed its unique qualities, and I would say most fans agree. The general perception within the fandom is that with this season Rob Thomas seems to have been aiming to dump the old, majority female, CW fanbase in order to achieve what he perceives as a cooler prestigious male fanbase; the issue is, new people aren’t going to take up a show in its fourth season if they didn’t watch or didn’t like earlier seasons. Also, trying to write a prestigious show doesn’t make your show prestigious. Considering that based on anecdotal evidence most of the people who like S4 seem to be male, he may have succeeded in the first part of his aim. However, this majority female fanbase he was so willing to cast aside are the ones who have run fansites and rewatches during fallow times (i.e. between S3 and the movie and then between the books and S4), so drumming up interest among fans (and therefore streaming views) in the future may be a challenge. Plus, women are a better advertising demographic since they are more likely to be in charge of household purchasing decisions, so maintaining us as a fanbase makes business sense as well. He may have tricked enough people into watching S4 that S5 is given a go, but I wouldn’t be surprised if streams are weak beyond that. If the show is to succeed as a commercial endeavor, better to go with appealing to a known quantity than trying to make a generic show that very few people have expressed interest in watching.

Bring back the mystery of the week

This is a more minor thing I felt was missing from S4. I think after the criticism of S3 not having a season-long arc RT overcorrected in focusing on one mystery. However, the mystery of the week had the following benefits: 1) giving chances for the characters to interact and telling us more about them 2) helping to modulate the pace of the season-long arc. With better writing a season-long standalone mystery could maybe work, but in the case of S4 specifically the mystery was kind of dull and repetitive and could have stood to include a couple of diversions in the form of a smaller case here and there.

Re-evaluate the creators’ interpretation of the word “adult”

Much of the promo and reviews for this season noted the more “adult” content to be expected this season now that Veronica’s grown. Many fans hoped that meant seeing Veronica act like, you know, an adult with adult problems rather than a teenager less mature than the actual teenager she was. Unfortunately, the show’s interpretation of the word seems to be more in keeping with a television rating sense of the word--meaning sex, drugs, and gratuitous violence (But apparently not the word “fuck.”). Look, it was expected that as the show moved to a streaming service and given the overall dramatic scope that there would be an upgrade in some of this sort of content (and I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t looking forward to steamier LoVe moments, which were sorely overpromised), but the way it was included this season felt like RT and co. included this stuff just because they could and not to serve the storyline. For me, personally, the biggest example of this was Veronica’s drug use, which I know didn’t necessarily bother everyone. Given her history as the daughter of an alcoholic as well as someone who had been the victim of two roofie attacks, not to mention the fact that her character never seemed to be into partying, I found it very out of character (and book writer Jennifer Graham agrees). It felt like RT included this just bc they thought it would be funny to see Veronica on drugs without considering whether it made sense for her character. Also, were the beheadings strictly necessary? Plus there’s RT’s little temper tantrum over not being able to use curse words this season--they weren’t present in the original show, no one was going to miss them now, and the “cuss” thing was just annoying and reminiscent of The Good Place.

Dealing with a parent who maybe has dementia--that’s an adult storyline. Too bad RT ended it with a dumb excuse about “mixing meds” (another factual error! Pharmacy software would have caught it!) rather than actually exploring what it would mean for Veronica to see her father in decline and take over the family business (and give Rico Colantoni the exit he appears to want). This is the kind of adult content I would hope to see in future seasons.

Adult is not a synonym for “unrelentingly bleak” either. The original show, while dark, always had an element of hope that was completely removed from S4 (no matter what KB might claim). And would it have killed the writers to show Veronica wearing disguises and going undercover like she used to? There was nothing fun about this season (and no, I don’t count the multiple partying scenes as fun, more like sad).

Kill your darlings

It’s cliche, but it’s true. Another issue the show has long had is the writers keeping around characters or inserting jokes and references for their own personal amusement rather than for the story. The most notable example of this is the continued presence of Dick, a highly problematic character considering he pushed Beaver into the room with Veronica the night of Shelly Pomroy’s party, among a whole host of other racist, sexist, and generally obnoxious actions over the years. But because Ryan Hansen is so widely beloved among the cast and crew, so he stays. Then there’s the matter of the infamous Keister egg in 3x08, which the writers and KB have all expressed love for, despite the fact that said Keister egg is an example of sexual assault--which, even if the victim is a douchey fraternity president, is never funny.

Also the constant Big Lebowski references are tiring. Watch a new movie.

Improve Neptune’s gender ratio

Veronica Mars, despite having a female lead, has always been a male-dominated show; other than Veronica herself, the only consistent female character over the original show was Mac (and she didn’t even come back this season). This is unacceptable in 2019, for any show. The books introduced promising female characters in the form of Marcia Langdon and Petra Landros, but Marcia’s character was was watered down for S4 and Petra was nowhere to be found. Additionally, Veronica and Mac have always been written as “cool girls” who looked down on other women for their femininity, which isn’t a great message. Almost every other female character, even the innocuous Parker, is portrayed as somehow bad or incompetent. I would love nothing more than a season centered on the women of Neptune and their interactions with each other. While we’re at it, stop giving every woman on this show a background of sexual victimization.

Treat VM as an ensemble show, not a Kristen Bell vanity project

A major complaint from Burnt Marshmallows and S4 defenders alike was how little time was given over to the original core cast this season. While Veronica may be the protagonist, a large part of how the show became so beloved was her relationships with the other characters. Yet RT has decided that going forward VM will be a KB solo project, with her traveling town to town quipping and sleeping with strangers. This seems strange, given Kristen’s recent interviews talking about how difficult it is to shoot VM and how she never wants to be first on a call sheet ever again, not to mention how she asked for less screen time all the way back in S2, which resulted in the Weevil-Logan storyline, which was way more interesting than Veronica’s storylines during the first half of that season. (The traveling detective thing also seems weird considering that KB is pretty insistent on shooting in LA to be near her family.) Additionally, if this is truly the last season of VM with all the original characters, then no one got a proper sendoff.

I’m not sure how willing much of the cast will be to return for future iterations, given how uncomfortable many of them seemed during promo as well RT and KB’s treatment of them (insensitive at best, deliberately mean at worst) this season (shout out to Tina Majorino for recognizing what a shit show this was going to be), but bringing back all the original characters into the fold and giving them significant storylines would go a long way to mending fences with fans, improving the show from a character arc perspective, and would also give KB the break she apparently wants.

Recourt the fanbase

What has VM always been renowned for above all else? It’s incredibly loyal fandom which not only got it renewed twice during its original run but also put up their own money to get the movie made--I know many people who donated when they really couldn’t afford to. RT basically owes the last 6 years of his career to VM fans--the success of the Kickstarter arguably got him the iZombie show running gig, and the fourth season likely wouldn’t have even happened if not for it. Thus, the blatant cruelty and disregard with which RT and KB have treated fans during the promotion of S4 has been incredibly insulting and hurtful; I still can’t fathom what in the world possessed RT to think that throwing away this 15-year relationship was a good idea. It’s not a good sign when the 2 fansites most active during the post-movie period (VMHQ and VM Confessions) cease operations in the wake of S4, and when at least 3 out of 8 board members of the oldest running fan group, Neptune Rising (who were dormant during the post-movie period but played a critical role during earlier fan campaigns and in the S4 promo) resign. A fandom this loyal that was betrayed will not stand idly by if the S5 RT wants to make goes ahead; given the number of tweets the official Hulu VM account has had to delete in the wake of S4 due to the overwhelmingly negative response as well as the controversy over editing out Logan from S4 promos, I imagine that S5 will be a PR nightmare. Even if future seasons are amazing the trust can probably never be fully repaired, but it would be helpful for RT (or fingers crossed, a new show runner) and KB (as star and EP) to go overboard in reaching out to fans and at least admitting they made a misstep with the entirety of S4. Back in the day, the old Mars Investigation fansite was invited to set to conduct interviews; maybe do that again. Also someone should get KB some sort of VM fandom-fluent media trainer because I don’t think she has conducted a single interview during her entire stint on the show that didn’t anger fans (it might help if she actually bothered to watch the show).

Map out an endgame

Look, this can’t go on forever. As long as RT keeps leaving every installment open ended with the hopes of maybe getting renewed again five years down the line, the story is going to keep running into the issues the movie and S4 faced with having to shoehorn the characters into nonsensical plot lines to reconcile those endings and deal with actor availability issues. Either plot another 2-3 seasons to wrap the show up with a satisfying conclusion, or map out a greater timeline of Veronica’s life with spots where a mini series or movie here and there could fit in.

#Veronica Mars #still angry #mainly written for personal catharsis #need to stop being angry about this and focus more on studying synaptic transmission #Burnt Marshmallow #we use to be fans

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minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong · 6 years ago

Text

Ephemera Chapter Nineteen (END)

Ephemera: In art, transitory written and printed matter (receipts, notes, tickets, clippings, etc.) not originally intended to be kept or preserved.

Alternatively, things that exist or are used for only a short time.

Description: Nobody knows who Vante really is. Everything about the popular artist is shrouded in secrecy: from his face to his name to everything in between. After years of working for his art gallery, Y/N feels she may just be the closest thing he has to a friend. Between her success at work and her relationship with campus hot-shot Jeon Jungkook, Y/N’s life has never been better. But is Jungkook truly who he says he is? And who will Y/N protect now that she knows Vante’s livelihood may be on the line?

Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst

Pairing: Jungkook x (f) Reader x Taehyung

Word Count: 7.0k

Tags: Non-Idol!Au, Gang!Au, Art History Student!Reader, Film Student!Jungkook, Art Student!Taehyung

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of alcohol, although infrequently

A/N: GUYS THE ALBUM!! THE MV!! JAMAIS VU, MAKE IT RIGHT, DIONYSUS!! TRULY THE BOPS OF ALL BOPS I CANNOT BELIEVE THE LEVEL OF ARTISTRY! EVERY TIME I THINK THEY’VE GOTTEN AS GOOD AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE, THE DO SOMETHING BETTER!! God, I loved it. Anyway, this chapter! Haha we’ve finally reached the end of our journey! I can’t believe it, really. Anyway, please don’t be shy and send feedback, critique, questions, theories, and comments my way. I’ll be sure to respond to all asks I receive within a day of receiving them! Links will be added later, so for now check my masterlist to find previous chapters!

And again, if you want to follow my Twitter, my username is @/plzpunchmebts. I’m super active over there and hopefully in the future I’ll do some livestreams/chats with you all! And concert videos!!

ALSO BIG UPDATE: I’ll be taking a couple weeks off from writing series’ until after the BTS concert on May 4. I don’t want to get into a posting routine only to have to throw it off for that weekend. That said, I’ll be working on finishing REALLY OLD requests that I haven’t gotten to yet, so I’ll be posting! Just not series. (Although, I do have my next series planned and started. If you guys want spoilers for that, plz send me an ask hehe)

- Mercury

Previous Chapter – Next Chapter

Masterlist

Weekly updates: Sunday, 1PM (PST)

My daughter,

I’m sure this letter comes as a bit of a shock to you. It’s a bit of a shock to me as well. I don’t know exactly where to start.

Leaving you was the hardest decision I ever had to make. But now that you’re older, I hope you can understand me. Even just a little. You were the biggest hope in my life, but I didn’t feel worthy of you. I didn’t want to raise a daughter whose only mother was dependent on someone else to support her. I didn’t have any options in the countryside, but I thought if I went to Seoul and came home successful…maybe you’d grow to respect me.

It sounds selfish writing it down. It was selfish. I am selfish.

To be honest, I didn’t intend on reaching out to you. As it stands, I’m working for a small company as a web designer. Not exactly the lofty dream I had when I left. I didn’t want to face you until I’d made something of myself, so you’d understand why I had to leave. But…well, things change over time I suppose.

I keep a close eye on the tabloids in Seoul because of my job, and when the news about Vante dropped I was intrigued. Truthfully, I’d been trying to get in with him for years. Ever since he showed up in the art scene. I wanted to help him market himself online.

I was perplexed, however, considering the fact that he seems quite reclusive and yet had a female companion with him in almost every photo. For a while, I was trying to figure out who that girl was so I could reach out to her. And as it turns out…you know the rest.

I don’t want you to think I’m exploiting you. I’d never want to do something like that. I’m really glad you were the girl, and not just for career aspects. I was shocked when I found out, and I immediately called a PI to find your address. It wasn’t cheap. But being able to speak with you after so long is a blessing.

I’d love to meet with you in person. Catch up. Talk about what you’ve been up to all these years. You’ve grown into such a beautiful young lady, and you’re doing so many exciting things. I’d love to hear all about them.

Please meet me at the address below on Sunday at 1 PM if you can. It’s a little coffee shop I like. I think it might be a nice place to reunite.

And I apologize for not writing a return address. I’m not sure how you’ll receive this, and I don’t want any legal trouble should you decide this letter is worth litigation.

Hoping to see you there.

Sincerely,

Mom

I’d read and reread the letter enough times to burn the script into my mind forever. If I shut my eyes, her words still floated around on the blacks of my lids. I’d never expected to hear from her again, and was content living my life independently from hers. Perhaps some deep, dark part of me was hoping to rub my success in her nose somehow, but…not like this. The nerve of her. To reach out to me after all these years…

Just because I knew Taehyung.

Something about that stung me in a place that was too tender to look at closely. I didn’t know why the pain was so visceral, but it felt deeper than just a blow to the ego.

I stared at the letter sitting on my coffee table, wrinkled and worn from my chronic folding and unfolding. It had only been a day, and my mind was still swimming in the letter. What right did she have to disrupt my life this way? Who was she to me anyway to be able to affect my waking hours? To consume my thoughts?

I sighed and flipped it over so I only saw my address. What a joke. She thought I might hand over the letter to the police or something? Everything about the letter disgusted me.

So why was that address now burned in the back of my mind?

I touched my pointer finger to my necklace, the ruby one Taehyung had given me so long ago, as I waited in the Sanyo Industries reception room. Yoongi sat beside me, playing with his hands. As decided during our meeting, Yoongi and I were dressed sharp: him in a nice pair of slacks and a pressed button-down, and me in my work skirt and a blouse I had to steam to get the wrinkles out. The reception area was vast, a wide room with wide windows and lots of empty space. The employee behind the desk eyed us now and then, and it was clear by the way she’d received us that she knew exactly who Yoongi was. She’d practically stuttered out her greeting as we entered the modern-looking office.

“Why should the son of a CEO have to wait in the reception office?” I mumbled under my breath with a sigh.

I hadn’t bothered asking Yoongi if he’d gone to meet Nara like I suggested, mostly for his own sake. Emanating from Yoongi’s very core was a jittery sense of anticipation. His eyes flashed wildly around the room, toward the elevators, toward the front doors, toward the marble floor. I’d never seen him so visibly nervous. He was always like Troy, impregnable. But it seemed his father was his own Trojan Horse, his undoing. I eyed him, awaiting a reaction, but none came. Almost like he didn’t hear me at all.

I gave his arm a poke and raised my brows as he jumped and looked at me with wide eyes. “Huh?” he asked, swallowing hard.

I sighed and crossed my arms. “Yoongi, you don’t look so good,” I said, tone softening as I watched him with furrowed brow.

He inhaled sharply and held his breath for a few seconds before letting it out in a puff that startled the receptionist. “Sorry,” he said quietly.

I smiled, attempting a gentle pat, but he was so jumpy that the touch of my palm on his shoulder almost made him shout. “If this is too much, you can go. Honestly, we mostly needed you to get me inside,” I said, then rolled my eyes and glanced out onto the street where Namjoon stood, smoking a cigarette. “Well, me and that idiot.”

Yoongi shook his head and braced himself on his knees, knuckles white as he held on to the tops of his knees. “No,” he said, shutting his eyes with a steadying breath. “I’m not here just to help you guys.”

I nodded. “Listen…you wanting to take responsibility — for yourself and for Nara — it’s really noble. I respect it. But…well, if you don’t mind me being a little nosy, you seem super rattled. I don’t know if this is the best move for your sake,” I said, watching him for any reaction.

He only opened his eyes and nodded, somber. “It’s probably stupid,” he said with a humorless laugh. “But…after spending so long with my head in the sand, I guess the guilt of it is catching up with me.”

“Guilt?”

He shrugged. “How many innocent people have had their lives ruined by my dad’s business? How many people like Nara have I just…left behind? Because it was too much responsibility?”

I raised my brows. “This is the first time I’ve heard you talking about reformation. You seemed a bit ambivalent,” I said, then shrugged. “Like Seokjin.”

“Neither of us are ambivalent, Y/N,” he said seriously, finally meeting my eyes head-on. “We both grew up seeing all the corruption and didn’t see any ways of making it better. Rather than ambivalent…we became cynical.”

I smoothed down my skirt, thinking. “I bet you’re not the only ones to become disillusioned,” I said, recalling that letter on my coffee table with a scowl. “Sometimes all we can do is accept that things are messed up and try to do the right thing on our own.”

He shook his head. “But what if I can’t accept that anymore?” he asked, brows knit as he implored me with his tender gaze. “What if I’ve been accepting it to avoid doing the right thing? Because the right thing is hard?”

I blinked at him, disarmed by the vulnerability in his eyes. “Yoongi…”

“I don’t deserve a free pass,” he said, serious as he scanned me. “Not when people are getting hurt.”

“What do you plan on doing?” I asked, raising my brows.

He settled back against his seat and his jitters slowed, knees stopping their anxious bounce. He anchored his gaze on something far away, perhaps something not physically here at all. “I’m gonna fix it.”

“Fix it?”

“The company,” he said with a steady nod. “From the inside. I’m gonna make it so that people don’t get hurt anymore. Like Ori.”

I watched him for a long moment, watched the way his jaw went staunch against his neck, and couldn’t help but admire his determination. Righteous outrage and a little bit of guilt. I exhaled in a puff and smirked, eyeing him sidelong. “Min Yoongi,” I said, and he glanced at me. There was an innocence in the rounds of his eyes, in the expectation in his parted lips. “You’ll do great,” I finished with a smile. I gave his shoulder a pat and nodded once.

He met my eyes and, slowly, a halfway there smile touched his features and he returned my nod. “Thanks,” he said, chuckling once, sharp.

“Excuse me?” called the receptionist, sounding uncertain. She had risen to her feet and was staring at us with her hands clasped in front of her stomach. She gave a smile I recognized from wearing it myself at work. “Mr. Min is ready to see you.”

I nodded and gave her a bow before catching Namjoon’s eye outside and jerking my head toward the elevator. He quickly stomped out his cigarette and rushed inside, smelling strongly of nicotine. I gave him a grimace and he responded with a smile, resting his hand on the small of my back and leading me down the hallway toward the elevator.

“Ah! Do you need help finding the office?” the receptionist called, craning her neck to peer after us.

Yoongi chuckled and shook his head, waving at her as he called for the elevator. “I think we’ll be okay. Thank you,” he said with a smile her way.

She blinked a few times before adjusting her hair and bowing, her head disappearing back around the corner. And, in silence, the three of us entered the elevator.

The CEO of Sanyo Industries was not the imposing man I was expecting. Perhaps I’d built him up as some sort of malevolent deity, but looking at him sitting in a chair that looked several inches too big for him, glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose, it was hard to see Mr. Min as the ruthless businessman I knew he was.

The office was spacious, like the reception area, and decorated with classic mahogany browns and deep reds. It looked like the sort of office you’d see in a rich man’s mansion. But Mr. Min himself didn’t quite match it. Mousy in the face with sallow skin and salt-and-pepper hair, he looked like someone’s quiet uncle, the one you only see at family get-togethers who you have trouble even making small talk with.

He cleared his throat and stared up at Yoongi and I, raising his brows. “Son,” he began, then chuckled, rubbing his nose bridge and shutting his eyes. “Is this some sort of marriage announcement?”

Yoongi sighed. “You’d know about any marriage before I would, Dad,” he said, eyes going dull.

“Well then, what brings you two here?” he asked, eyeing me. “And furthermore, who are you if not a fiancé?”

I glanced at Yoongi, waiting for him to speak. But he simply kept his eyes ahead, perhaps trying to tether himself to reality somehow. It wasn’t a part of the plan for me to be too vocal. And besides, I wasn’t so sure it was safe to speak much. If what yoongi said about his father was anything to go by, I’d be smart not to oppose him.

Namjoon had planned everything pretty meticulously. For the first time since arriving, I felt concerned that I’d mess up my role. And with Namjoon himself waiting outside the office so as not to spook Mr. Min right off the bat, I felt ill at ease with all of his attention squarely on me.

I played with the pendant on my necklace. “Uh,” I began, meeting the CEO’s eyes once more. “I’m, uh…I…work with Yoongi.”

He cocked a brow and smirked. “Ah, another criminal?” he asked, scoffing. “Really, Yoongi, when are you going to come to your senses and get serious?” His tone had taken a shift. Gone were the fleeting moments of jest and teasing. In its place was nothing short of frightful intensity, his gaze on Yoongi, boring into him through thin-rimmed glasses.

“Today,” said Yoongi, facing his father. “If things go well.”

Mr. Min leaned back and coughed a little, one of those innocuous old-man sounds that once again threw me for a loop. Was he any suburban dad you might see at the Han River or was he a cutthroat criminal?

“That’s…very good news,” he said, then eyed me with a scowl. “Although if you’re looking to get your friend a job, I can confidently say not a chance.”

I was nearly hurt by his comment before remembering just what sort of company he ran. I took my bruised pride and, clearing my throat, crossed my arms. “I’m not looking for work,” I said.

He hummed. “Well, Yoongi, I can’t say I’m unhappy to hear about your change of heart,” he said, giving Yoongi the ghost of a smile.

Yoongi cleared his throat and rubbed his palms together. “There’s a condition.”

“Condition?” asked Mr. Min, his expression darkening.

“Call off your hit on Ori.”

He chuckled. “You think having you under my wing is worth letting my biggest competitor go?” he asked, raising his brows. “That’s shockingly confident. Even for you.”

Yoongi shook his head. “No,” he said, locking eyes with his father. “I know that’s not enough.”

“Then what’s the rest of your bid?” he asked with a smirk. “You know you can’t prove I’ve got a hit on Ori.”

I cleared my throat and took a step forward, rifling through my bag to grab my phone. “That’s,” I began, but had to pause since my phone was hidden beneath my wallet. I chuckled to myself, nervous, and continued once I had my cell phone in my hand. “That’s where I come in.”

Mr. Min stared at me, but his teasing once again halted. Quietly, I pressed play on my cell phone. The recording played and I took the moment of respite to lean back, inelegant and unceremonious, to knock on the door twice, alerting Namjoon to his cue.

Mr. Min’s gaze went hard like obsidian and it locked on me. “That’s Kim Seokjin?”

Yoongi stepped forward, crossing his arms. “Take action against Jin and we’ll release the recording and tell the press. You might not be aware, but Y/N has become pretty intimately familiar with news outlets these days, being Vante’s secret woman and everything.”

Mr. Min’s face flushed and his eyes skittered between us like a cornered animal. “You’re her…,” he said with a nod. He rubbed his temples and an almost childish smile touched his face. Shutting his eyes, he nodded again as the door opened and Namjoon stepped inside. “You’ve outplayed me, haven’t you?”

Yoongi adjusted his cuffs and cleared his throat. “Sorry, Dad,” he said, sighing. “But I can’t sit back and watch you ruin people’s lives anymore.”

His father opened his eyes and they were sharp, angry, but there was a margin of respect in them. “So this is your offer? You come on under me and you don’t air Sanyo’s dirty laundry?”

Yoongi nodded once sharply. “Yes.”

He smirked and glanced at Namjoon who had taken the spot at my other side. “I suppose you’re here to discuss the logistics,” he said, chuckling. “You two can leave. This is a discussion between businessmen.”

Namjoon grinned and pulled out the plush chair in front of Mr. Min’s desk before settling in. “It is,” he said, turning around to smile at Yoongi and me. “I’ll meet you two downstairs when we’re done here,” he continued. Yoongi and I each turned halfway toward the door, and as my fingers clasped around the doorknob, Namjoon called, “Oh and Y/N?”

I glanced at him over my shoulder. “Yes?” I asked, eager to leave the intimidating place.

He smirked. “Have your friend send her resume to my secretary. She’ll schedule her for an interview with my hiring department.”

A small smile spread across my face as I opened the door. I nodded and he returned it, grinning. “I will,” I said, leading Yoongi out into the hallway once more.

I awoke to pounding at my front door. Groaning, I rubbed my eyes and pushed myself upright on the couch. I must have fallen asleep shortly after returning home from Sanyo. Namjoon had emerged two hours later with a big grin and a new contract with Yoongi’s father stating neither company would attack the other moving forward. And although Namjoon hadn’t been the one to strike first, his strategic prowess had proven extremely useful as by the end Mr. Min was offering a collaborative project. Namjoon wouldn’t tell me whether he’d accepted the project or not, but I suspected I knew his principles well enough to know exactly where he’d told Mr. Min to shove that offer.

Yoongi had stayed behind to hash things out with his dad, and he told me not to worry about him. Of course, I worried anyway, because as his back retreated back toward the elevator, he looked so small. Too small for this big corporate world.

But my worries were quickly assuaged as he turned slightly before entering the elevator and shot me a playful smirk and a wink. As I moved to respond, he quickly hopped into the elevator and that was the last I saw of him.

Once I’d gotten home, I’d practically fallen into a puddle on the couch, turning on the TV and letting whatever cable show was on play as my mind wandered away from me. I wasn’t sure when I’d fallen asleep or how long I’d been out, but the knocking was incessant and demanding.

Groggy, I wandered toward the door and opened it without checking the peephole, rubbing the back of my head with a groan. “Hello?”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

I pried my eyes open and saw Taehyung fuming in the doorway. I furrowed my brow and blinked at him. “What time is it?”

He sighed. “It’s midnight. Why are you still dressed up?” he asked, finally scanning me before shaking his head and waving his hands. “No, that’s not important! Why did you keep this whole plan from me? Don’t I have the right to know?”

My senses had returned to me and, gently, I took his forearm and led him inside the apartment. He followed, albeit unwillingly, and pouted down at me. He was dressed in leisure wear, likely having run here from his apartment once Namjoon told him what happened without so much as grabbing a jacket.

I sat him down on the couch and smiled. “I’m sorry,” I said.

He opened his mouth to say something but shut it quickly with a sigh, gripping his nose bridge. “Shit,” he mumbled. “I can’t scold you if you apologize first.”

I laughed and nodded. “I know,” I said, then shook my head. “I really am sorry, for what it’s worth.”

He eyed me from between his fingers and cocked a brow. “Why didn’t you tell me, though? Really?”

I rubbed his arm with a smile. “I didn’t want you to take this on too,” I said. “With everything that happened with the gala…I figured you’d do something unnecessary again. You’d handle things on your own and demand I stay out of it,” I began, pausing to rub my hands together. “I know it’s annoying, but I thought that there had to be a way to fix things without someone sacrificing themselves.”

“What about your friend? That Yoongi kid? Didn’t he sacrifice himself?” he asked.

I chuckled, remembering that mischievous wink, that boy with his head in his computer, that guy who saved a stray dog and bought expensive food for it. “No,” I said, smiling. “He’s found something new to be passionate about.”

Taehyung sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I hate that I can see your point,” he said, shaking his head. “I wish I could’ve helped you more.”

Gently, I touched the pendant on my collarbone and smiled at him. “You did help, Taehyung,” I said, and his eyes flashed toward me. “More than you can possibly know. You showed me that I’m stronger when I speak out. That I have what it takes to advocate for myself.”

His shoulders slumped with a sigh and he glanced toward the coffee table where Mom’s letter still sat, wrinkled. “You would’ve figured it out on your own eventually,” said Taehyung with a pout.

I smiled. “No,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t think I would have.” I sighed and watched the letter as if it might change the longer I looked at it. “It took you to shake it out of me.”

“Well…that’s one contribution at least,” he said with a sigh.

“It bothers me.”

He sat upright and stared at me wide-eyed. “Huh?”

I shook my head. “Not that you’ve been helping me, but that it took someone else pushing me for me to finally get myself together,” I said, brow furrowed as I leaned back against the couch cushions. I crossed my arms and stewed over it, still staring at the letter. “I feel like everything I’ve done has been because of either you or Jungkook.”

Taehyung stiffened. “Wait, what?”

I sat up and frowned. “Yeah. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get,” I said, thinking about that stupid letter. If not for Taehyung, I probably would never have heard from my mom again.

“Y/N, you just got home from blackmailing a billionaire CEO,” he said, raising his brows. “I don’t think any of that had to do with me or Jungkook.”

I shook my head. “I dunno,” I said, trying to name the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Taehyung sighed and leaned into the couch, glancing up toward the TV. “What’re you watching?”

“I’m not sure,” I said, reclining beside him albeit uneasily as my thoughts kept swirling.

We both watched the screen for a moment and I felt the call of sleep beckoning again. Why with Taehyung did I always fall asleep? Perhaps he was a comfortable person. Our relationship had after all began when he left me trinkets while I slept at work.

“My agent wants me to start thinking about doing a documentary,” he said, like the thought couldn’t remain in his head.

I hummed. “Weird,” I said with a nod. “About you?”

“Yeah. Since public interest is so high right now, she thinks it might be a good time to start working on something,” he said, then shook his head. “But I don’t wanna be followed by a big film crew that I don’t know and everyone she’s suggested has been awkward.”

“Hm,” I said, resting my head against the back of the couch, eyes fluttering shut.

“I just want a small company, you know? If I’m going to do it, that is,” he continued, but his voice was growing more and more distant.

And before I knew it, I was asleep.

“Hey-wait, what the fuck?”

“Oh…sorry.”

“I…you…what are you even doing here?”

“I fell asleep.”

“Why were you here late?”

“Because I-…ah, forget it.”

I groaned and rolled over, tumbling off the couch and onto the rug. I stared up at the front door, the source of the noise, and saw Jungkook in the doorway. Smiling, I gave him a wave and pushed up to my bottom.

“Morning,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

Jungkook gave me a pout. “Don’t give me that cute face,” he said, jerking a thumb at Taehyung who, by that point, I’d only just begun to register as being in my apartment at all. “What’s he doing here?”

“He came over last night to scold me,” I said, standing to my feet with the help of the coffee table. My fingers brushed Mom’s letter and I recoiled like I’d touched a hot stove.

“Scold you?” asked Jungkook, eyes round. He tuned to Taehyung and frowned. “Why were you scolding her? And why didn’t you do it during business hours?”

“Jungkook,” I said, laughing as I approached. I gave his shoulder a pat before breezing past him into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I’d slept in my work skirt and blouse, so both were horribly wrinkled now. Great, and I still had to get to work in a few hours. “What are you doing here, Kook?” I called out into the hallway.

But to my surprise, both boys had followed me in to the bathroom and were beginning to cram themselves into the small space with me. I shouted as Jungkook shoved my pelvis into the countertop with his hip so he could perch on the toilet seat. Taehyung left a more reasonable distance between us and lingered in the doorway.

“I heard about what happened with Yoongi. Jin told me Yoongi’s leaving Bangtan and gave me an out too,” he said, then gave Taehyung a cautious look. “Can I talk about this with him?”

I chuckled and nodded, swishing my mouth with water. “Mhm,” I said.

Taehyung hummed. “So you’re leaving the shady business?”

Jungkook, his defenses lowering, nodded and returned his eyes to me. “Yeah. I want to do what I love instead.”

“What do you love?” asked Taehyung.

“I wanna make movies,” said Jungkook with a soft smile. “I bet you’d get it, being an artist and everything.”

Taehyung smiled and nodded. “Boy do I,” he said with a sigh. “Deciding to leave home and go it alone was really tough, but once I did it I never regretted it. Not even for a second.”

Jungkook grinned. “That’s comforting to hear, at least.”

I glanced between them a few times as the beginnings of a scheme began working in my brain. “You two are actually really similar, now that I think about it,” I said with a nod.

Jungkook scoffed. “No way,” he said with a snort.

I shot a warning glance at him and he quieted down. “I mean it,” I said. “You both see beauty in the ordinary and want to capture that.”

Taehyung raised his brows. “Is that something you’re interested in, Jungkook?”

He pouted and shrugged, watching the floor. “Yeah, I guess.”

Taehyung chuckled. “Man, I wish I would’ve known sooner! I take photos, so if you ever want to go and get some material, I’m free.”

Jungkook glanced up with wide eyes. “Huh?” he asked.

Taehyung nodded. “Yeah. Video is really dynamic, but I don’t have an eye for it. I’d love to see your process.”

Jungkook smiled, just a little, and sat up straighter. “Wait, you mean it?”

“Yeah, of course,” said Taehyung with a laugh. “Give me your number and we can plan something.”

I smiled knowingly and leaned back against the wall so the two could exchange contact information. “You know,” I began, rubbing Jungkook’s shoulder. “Jungkook’s working for a film company now.”

Jungkook stiffened. “N-Not yet! I just sent off my video, but-,”

“But you’re in. I saw that video, Kook. And, as an art curator, I’m telling you it’s good,” I said.

Taehyung’s eyes went wide. “For real?” he asked.

Jungkook shrugged, his knees spread wide as he sat slumped slightly. “Yeah. Probably, anyway.”

Taehyung scoffed. “Well…I might have a really big project for you guys if you’re interested.”

Jungkook stiffened. “What?”

“Let’s chat about it today. Y/N, do you mind if I steal him for a while?” asked Taehyung.

I smiled and gestured toward Jungkook with both hands. “He’s all yours.”

Jungkook glanced up at me, wide-eyed. “Wait, what’s happening?”

I chuckled. “Meet me after work, okay?” I asked with a smile, patting his shoulder as I slid past both of them to get ready for my shift.

As I was getting ready to leave work, I noticed a few text messages on my phone from while I was working. Smiling, I unlocked it and read over the text.

Nararawr: I’ve got an interview with Ori.

Nararawr: The receptionist said I had to interview properly if I wanted the job, no handouts.

Nararawr: IDK you did, but…thank you. I’ll be sure to do my best!

Nararawr: Yoongi came by my class on Monday. I assume that’s also your doing :P

Nararawr: He said he had some things to explain to me, so we’re meeting up on Friday to talk about everything. Methinks it’s a…*gasp*…DATE?!

Nararawr: At any rate, thank you. I won’t waste this opportunity. Thank you for letting me get this myself. I appreciate you more than I say.

I ran a finger along my screen and chuckled. Of course he’d gone. I knew he would. Gently, I typed out a response.

Y/N: Hey, I didn’t do much. I’m just glad everything worked out. Let’s meet up on Saturday to chat! I’ve also got some things to explain to you. And besides I wanna hear about you…*gasp*…DATE?!

I smiled and slid my phone into my purse, removing my ascot and stuffing it inside along with it. The shift was quick, quicker than usual as I’d been scheduled during a busier time of day. The midday rush had died down by the end, and Areum gave me a four-fingered wave goodbye as I made my way back toward the exit from the break room. But as I stepped into the hall, Mr. Kwon jogged up behind me and grabbed my shoulder. I jumped a little and spun around to face him.

“Y/N! Thank God I caught you,” he said with a breathless laugh.

I smiled and gave him a bow. “Is there anything I can help you with, Sir?” I asked.

“If you have time, I’d love you to join me for a meeting right now,” he said.

“With who?” I asked.

“It’s-,” he began, but paused with a chuckle.

He grinned and glanced over my shoulder as the elevator dinged and out walked a few familiar faces. No way. Two of the Japanese philanthropists I’d sold paintings to all those weeks ago. It felt like a lifetime. I bowed deeply at each of them.

“Hello,” I said once I stood upright once more.

“Ah! Are you going to be in the meeting as well?” asked one man with a smile.

I took a peek at Mr. Kwon who gave me an encouraging nod and a smile, and turned back to the philanthropists. “Um…yes,” I said with a smile.

“Wonderful!” he said. “I was telling Mr. Kwon that we’d love to have you.”

“Have me…?” I began, but Mr. Kwon simply laughed and shuffled me back into the gallery, leading all of us to his office.

I stared at the letter on my coffee table, now dressed in my favorite turtleneck and the same skirt I’d worn to meet Jungkook for our study date, months and months ago. Any minute, he’d show up in his car, awaiting my arrival so we could go somewhere. Anywhere.

And still, here I was. Staring at that stupid letter. What did I think would happen if I kept looking at it? Would it suddenly sprout wings and fly away? Would it burn up in flames?

My phone buzzed and I knew he was here. I leapt to my feet and, without thinking, swiped the letter and pocketed it before rushing out the front door to meet Jungkook downstairs.

Jungkook and I sat beneath the dome stars, resting on a blanket in the grass at a park by my apartment. One I hadn’t been to in a long time. Neither of us was saying much, not after the initial flood of information exchange. How he was going to be in touch with Taehyung regarding that documentary, how the two are actually pretty compatible, how everything had gone with Yoongi at Sanyo.

Now there was just silence. The comfortable kind.

I knew I had to tell him about what had happened in the meeting today. If anyone needed to know, it was him.

But I let myself indulge in the silence for a moment longer. “My mom wrote to me,” I said, resting on my palms as I stared up at the fresh, cloudless autumn night sky. Stars splayed out like paint splatters.

Jungkook glanced at me, eyes wide. “She did?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. She wants to meet me.”

“She…she does?”

“Yeah,” I said with a chuckle. “I thought…I thought I might feel really vindicated when this moment finally came, but I kinda just feel…empty.”

“Empty…,” repeated Jungkook softly.

I nodded. “Because she wants to meet with me to get to Taehyung,” I said with a nod. “Isn’t it a little pathetic? Reaching out to your estranged daughter once she can benefit you?” I chuckled. “And what’s more pathetic is that I’m actually considering going.”

“Y/N,” said Jungkook softly, chiding. “I’ll support whatever choice you make,” he said, eyes boring into me intently.

I smiled and leaned toward him, giving him a chaste peck, and nodded. “Thank you,” I said with a sigh. “You know, it’s been bothering me for a while now,” I said, touching the ruby necklace where it met my skin. “I wonder what I’d be on my own. Who I’d be. Without you or Taehyung or Dad or Nara or anyone supporting me.”

“That’s a sad thought,” said Jungkook softly.

I shook my head. “It’s not,” I said. “I wanna know, Jungkook. All my life…I’ve been holding on to people so tight that I forgot I’m also a person worth holding on to. I forgot that I’m a person at all.”

Jungkook reached out and laced our fingers gently, inching closer. “I understand.”

“And I appreciate you for that,” I said, chuckling. “But…I wanna know what I’m made of when I’m on my own. Up until now, the only thing making me move forward has been circumstance. I haven’t done anything by myself. I haven't grown because I actively wanted to become better, but because I’ve been forced to through my relationships with you. With Taehyung. With Namjoon. With…everyone.”

Jungkook nodded. “You wanna stand on your own two feet.”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna see what you’re capable of,” he said, smiling.

I smiled too. “Which is why I’m gonna take a job offer in Japan.”

Jungkook coughed a little, sputtering, before staring down at me with wide eyes. “Wait, what? Where the hell did that come from?”

I laughed. “Today, my boss at the gallery offered me a year-long position at a new gallery they’re opening in Tokyo. He’s been having these talks with a bunch of philanthropists who I sold paintings to. I guess they really wanted to have me on the team at least for the first year to train new employees. I’ll be done with my degree in a few months anyway and I’ll be a manager,” I said, watching his expression change from shock to something like respect, mingling with a tinge of sadness.

“I…Y/N, that’s incredible,” Jungkook said, laughing as he swept me up in his arms. “I mean, I’ll miss you like hell but this is an amazing opportunity. You’d be crazy not to take it.”

I smiled and held on to him tightly, inhaling the sweet, gentle scent of his cologne, feeling the firm expanse of his chest. He rubbed my side, tender, and pulled back to press his palm against my cheek, smiling. “Let’s call it…our test period,” I said with a grin. He raised his brows. “After everything that happened, I can’t say I trust you one-hundred percent.”

He nodded. “I get it.”

“So…this year abroad,” I began, resting my hand atop his as he smoothed his fingers against my cheek. “If we still feel the same way about each other when I get home, then we can start again. For real this time.”

He swallowed hard and smiled, his thumb rubbing circles into my warm skin. “A test period,” he repeated with a nod. “I know I’ll pass.”

I laughed and gave his stomach a poke. “Don’t get cocky. I also have to pass,” I said with a smile.

“I’ll make sure you pass,” he said with a wink.

I shoved him away and stuck out my tongue, miming gagging. “We’ll see,” I teased.

He smiled. “I’m really proud of you,” he said.

I raised my brows. “You are?”

He nodded. “A few months ago, you wouldn’t be able to take this opportunity. You would have held yourself back and let it go to someone else.”

I blinked at my lap as I thought. “I…I guess so, huh?”

“The you from before…I don’t think the you today would like her much,” he said with a chuckle. “Do you?”

The letter suddenly felt heavy in my pocket, like it was burning a hole. Without another word, I pulled it out and stared at it, off-white, worn at the corners. And I took it in both hands before yanking each corner, tearing it clean in half. And again. And again. And again and again until the pieces were small as confetti. Then I opened my palm and let the gentle, chilly breeze carry the scraps away, gone forever into the streets of Seoul.

“That was brave,” said Jungkook from beside me, rubbing my back.

I smiled, a sense of ease washing over me, and turned to him. “I’m about to do something braver,” I said, meeting his curious eyes with a smirk.

I reached out and clamped both hands on his cheeks. He gasped a little as I yanked his face down to meet mine. I tried to convey with a kiss exactly what I needed him to understand. That he wasn’t a bad person, just lost for a while. That he deserved to be happy. That he was strong and smart and talented and so full of potential. That what I felt for him wasn’t something transient, like receipts, like a memo. That it was forever.

He leaned into the kiss, deepening it slightly with a tilt of his head. His lips were sweet with chapstick and soft, never pushy, gentle always. And as I slowly let my fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck, I felt him growing flushed, the heat from his face reaching mine through the small fraction of space between us.

Slowly, I pulled away and met his eyes, smiling. “I love you, too,” I said finally.

His eyes glittered with growing moisture and he smiled slightly, scoffing. “Jeez, baby,” he said, wiping his eyes. “You surprised me,” he mumbled.

I chuckled and reached around to the clasp on my necklace, removing it and holding it in my fingers. Slowly, I took his hand and flipped it palm up. I dropped the necklace and smiled at him.

“What’s this about?” he asked, eyeing me.

I closed his fingers around the necklace and patted his fist. “Hold on to that for me,” I said. “And don’t give it back to me until I come back from Japan.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll only take it back when I’ve proven that I can stand on my own two feet,” I said with a nod.

He furrowed his brow before meeting my gaze once more. “You want me to keep this for a year?”

I smirked. “It’ll also keep other girls from getting too cozy if they see that in your room.”

He gaped. “Y/N!” he shouted. “You really think I’m gonna be seeing other people while you’re gone?!”

I shrugged. “I dunno.”

“Wait…are you gonna see other people?!” he shouted, pointing an accusing finger my way.

“I dunno,” I repeated, giggling.

He frowned and leaned down to press a pouty kiss to my lips. “You’d better not or I’ll fly over there give you an earful.”

I laughed, ruffling his hair. “One year…are you sure you like me enough to hold out that long?”

His expression softened and he took my hand in his, pressing a kiss to my palm. “That much and more,” he said gently. “I’ll wait as long as I have to.”

And with that, I smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. I didn’t know where life would lead us, or what might change in a year. I wasn’t sure how I’d tell Dad, how I’d tell Nara. But I knew enough. I knew that the people in my life were good, that they deserved to be beside me. I knew that the ones who walked away from me weren’t meant to stay, and that they weren’t meant to come back either. I knew that the person I was becoming was someone I could finally believe in. And I knew that I could trust the people I loved to be there, always.

#jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook fanfic #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #taehyung fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #taehyung fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts ot7 au #bts series #bts fluff #bts angst #bts reactions #bts imagines #bts reader insert

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hypomanicsatanicpanic · 5 years ago

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you ever feel like a space that used to be a respite for you is now just...not? I don’t necessarily mean it’s not safe, just that going to a place which was once really productive and comfortable and energizing for you now feels stressful and uneasy? I (likely temporarily) stepped out of an organizing space that I’ve built up over the last year in order to deal with the intense workload around thesis/defense which is happening this upcoming Monday. Anyway, we started at three people and now we have a pretty robust core of about 20. What we’re trying to do is organize grad students into a union at the university where we all work, which is pretty fucking horrendous about how it treats us. This basically meant spending ~20hrs / week finding new students who wanted to organize, meeting with them, agitating, meeting with other unionizing grad students at other schools, managing personality conflicts in the group, etc as well as working on whatever campaigns/ social media stuff we were doing. All while doing grad school full time. It was energizing. We accomplished shit with only very few of us. While it’s explicitly in our bylaws that there is no “group leader,” a lot of things that would usually be directed to a president end up coming to me just because I’m the common person that everyone knows. Most folks in the group have zero other organizing experience; one has quite a lot, and two or three have basically been in the periphery of this one far left org (let’s call it WTF, for Women’s Task Force) in our very conservative small city. Most of us are quite left, though there are a decent number of centrists. About WTF: basically there’s this one really...problematic? person who is employed by our university who leads WTF (which isn’t affiliated with the university). She, a white cis woman, collects people she can use as symbolic tokens (usually women of color, visibly disabled women, lesbians, and fat women) to use them in promo material, and get them to do errands for, and doesn’t help them gain more power or skills within the group. She consciously excludes transwomen and only allows AFAB nonbinary folxs, and not even those who have a more masc presentation much of the time. WTF is also massively outspoken about Palestine, which is usually a signal that a group may be pretty antiSemitic as well. She uses her identity markers to shut down others who (legitimately) question her tactics. WTF, in the 10ish years they’ve existed, has never made any actual policy or political changes in this town. They’ve never actually run a campaign. They basically just show up “in solidarity” with actions other people organize, and host fundraisers for themselves. So having to deal with them is pretty ick, because the people in that organization. WTF is basically bad news. The people from WTF--three women of color and two queer white women--are consistently bad about things which seem to be just fine for literally everyone else in the group. We understand that shit’s stressful as a grad student and that there are a lot of other things we could/ should all be doing in addition to organizing. But the few rules we have are freaking common sense/common courtesy, and not that hard to follow. When people need to drop off the map for a while, they let others know that they’ll be out for a bit, and then get back in contact when their schedules free up again, so they can be caught up to speed at the next meeting. There’s also meeting notes which you can read to get back in the loop if you thought you’ve missed something: If you think you’re not going to be able to do something, you’re not supposed to commit to it. If you can’t do something you committed to doing, give others a heads up so they can cover it. Last, since we’re trying to be a space that works for people across the political spectrum (not just like the total of 30 dedicated leftists here), we’re explicitly against callout culture. Meaning that if you have an issue with something someone says in meeting, you’re either supposed to hold it until the group evaluation (where there’s dedicated space for that), OR you’re supposed to have a conversation with the person about the situation, OR you’re supposed to talk to another neutral-party group member so they can have the conversation for you. The WTF people have committed to following all of these rules and have been consistently bad at actually doing that, as per rules. They’ve consistently just not done the things they committed to, without actually telling anyone, leaving folks in the lurch. They consistently call people out in meetings in a way that alienates newcomers. They’ve consistently misgendered me, despite my asking them to not to, and speaking to them about it after meetings. About five weeks ago, this started to become a really big problem as we planned a big public recruitment event. I had a few conversations with the people who’d primarily been affected by one of the WTF folks’ failure to follow through on commitments. They asked me to speak to her. So I took several days to plan and rehearse a conversation. She was extremely defensive (ok, that’s fine, whatever), and committed to a whole lot of other shit. My follow up with her was to meet on a regular basis, so we could check in and readjust. We met the week after that, shit seemed fine. The week after that, the day of the big event. she came to the 1:1 meeting we’d set up and basically yelled at me for an hour for promoting white supremacy in the group. I tried to ask her some questions but really it just was her telling me how I’m a white supremacist and by holding women of color accountable to rules which they too had voted for, in a UNANIMOUS VOTE, I’m promoting white supremacy. She suggested I go to WTF subgroup meetings called SURJ (showing up for racial justice), which is basically a reading circle for white people only to “deconstruct their complicitness in white supremacy.” One of my partners went once to learn more about antiblack racism, but was turned away because he’s South Asian, not white. So, nope. Not fucking happening--it’s a completely performative thing IMO. Also the WTF leader person consistently is there and I’m not comfortable around her. They are also definitely under the opinion that “Jews are white and benefit more from oppressing PoCs than other white people.” So not a good/safe place for me. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to take it as a personal attack, but about halfway through the conversation she said it was specifically about me. So, yeah, a personal attack. She quit the organization and left, leaving us in the lurch for that night. The other thing that really bothered me about this conversation was that she was using her identity as a way to evade any and all accountability for repeatedly committing to things and disappearing. I would have been really happy to talk with her about how to make the space more accessible to her. In fact, we’d had multiple conversations about this. We’d implemented multiple things to help with the issues she’d mentioned...and she’d engaged with literally zero of them. Around that time, before the big event at a group meeting, another WTF member (also a WoC) was on the agenda to talk about “accountability.” Vague agendas are generally fine, so it was like, Of course! We should talk about that. That piece wasn’t really about accountability, it was literally just accusing the group of being a space for white supremacy, telling white people in the group to go to SURJ. Then she also left the group (though she waited until after the big event), though without the “Fuck y’all, I quit” meeting. I’ve spoken to most other group members outside of WTF about this (both PoC and white folks), they agree that I’m not a white supremacist. Still, it’s probably a good idea to address the issue in more depth in the group. As a white person I really can’t say anything about how WTF members, unlike literally all other people in the group, were using callout culture and accusations of white supremacy to derail conversations, and to block any attempt at getting them to follow the same rules they not only expect others to follow but also that they themselves committed to following. We’ve had like 3 followup conversations in general meetings since then. So far, we’ve scared off 5 people that I’d recruited, as well as 3-4 others had recruited. Multiple opportunities to choose, plan, and launch campaigns have passed while we have these conversations. I can’t point any of this out because when I do, I’m just the white person who doesn’t want to talk about white supremacy. Basically even though there are supportive people in the group that I absolutely love, I feel like the space has been emotionally polluted for me. I can’t deal with this fucking shit anymore, as much as I think unionizing is important to deal with the fucking bullshit from the university. This has become more of a stress for me than the shitty paychecks that come at unpredictable times; the shitty issues with my old PI/advisor; the really terrible benefits and leave policies; the expensive term fees. I almost don’t want to go back. Is that terrible of me?

#personal #complaining #burnout #fuck this shit

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thoughtswithoutatheme · 5 years ago

Text

The Butcher

First few pages of a story I’ve been working on

Jennifer Davies had never even see what the inside of a dead pig looked like, let alone how to carefully prepare it for sale. The closest she'd ever been to a pig of any kind was either ham sandwiches or the stuffed toy of a piglet she had as a child. Knowing a real, greasy, slimy, slippery, fleshy hog inside and out had been more enlightening than a whole term at university. You don't really question or even think about life and death, your place in the world, religion and how fleeting out lives are until you elbow deep into a large supply of vital organs, blood and pus. The smell will definitely make you question the existence of god.

She had worked at her Uncle Roger's mortuary during the previous summer and she had no real problems with it. She was responsible for make-up and tidying up corpses before the big day and found the work fine, though all the dirty work had been performed before she got a hold of the bodies. She sometimes worried about the family of the people she made up, thought about what the person had been like, and always felt some despair when working on someone close to her own age. It was a simple job and allowed her to work in peace.

She assumed working at a butchers shop would be similar, just a bit more messy and with less attachment. Unfortunately, there were much more guts, blood, entrails and goo that she couldn't even begin to describe. Messy had been an understatement. That didn't even cover how everything in the shop looked dangerous. Knives, cleavers, skewers, grinders, hooks, sharp pieces of bone, saws and a few other tools she couldn't even describe.

Working at a butchers shop wasn't something she had really wanted but it was time Christmas and she had to step up. The season always brings stress, debt and work but it's all (probably) worth it in the end. She had three younger brothers, a little sister, a mother and father, all four grandparents, many uncles and aunties who were very close, several cousins she saw regularly, and a great auntie in Australia. Not to mention a bevy of friends, from both childhood and current day, dorm mates, people she sat near in her lectures, her lecturers and maybe even the nice porter at her dorm. She liked all of them and wanted to get them all something nice for Christmas and a student loan isn't going to cover it.

She had limited work experience and being half way through a philosophy course wasn't going to put any money in the bank any time soon. Her Uncle suggested he could take her on again but she wanted to work somewhere close by, avoiding the train then bus journey to the mortuary. Luckily, she saw the advertisement for the butcher's assistant post in the local newspaper, showed up the next day and was covered in blood by noon.

Her family better be grateful after what she's going through. A part time job in the local butchers seemed simple but she was excepting to be working more on the front side of the shop. Jennifer foresaw taking orders, serving customers, putting carefully cut and sealed pieces of meat in carrier bags and then giving the customer a happy smile and wishing them a nice day. Much of her first day alone, however, consisted mostly of learning how much force was needed to smoothly remove the limbs off a cow.

This would be all worth it in the end, she supposed. She was actually earning the extra money needed to buy presents and cards for those she loved. Her parents had reminded her constantly that she was missed while at university, so she could cheer them up with some great presents. The job itself was also providing a skill and you can't put a price on that, but you can spend an evening getting blood out of your shoes. She was also developing an iron stomach and that would be useful for any future Saturday wine night binges.

Two weeks in and things were going well. The pus and viscera was starting to get stale (figuratively) and the nightmares of the ghosts of every farmyard inhabit haunting her (even in an odd instance, the farmer himself) were fading. Being surrounded by sharp objects never really lost its edge though. She was getting better at the job and soon found herself to be enjoying it, on a small level at least, thanks to her boss.

The butcher was Mr. Baker and he was a friendly chap. He'd been a butcher (and a Baker) his whole thirty-eight years and was the seventh generation of Bakers to be in the profession. He grew up around the carcasses of dead animals and consumed from them the necessary nutrients to grow strong enough to remove a calf's head with one heavy thwack of a knife. He was good at his art and was more than happy to do it his whole life. He had a lovely wife and his son would eventually become the eighth Baker to become a butcher. They all lived together above the shop. He regularly saw his father and they discussed their trade until the cows came home, which were then cut up and ready to be served. He was stout and strong, as per the job requirements, with a round, friendly face.

Mr. Baker understood the process to a great level, being able to identify any cut of meat, tell you which animal it came from, the best way to slice and prepare it, and he can weigh it in his mind that gave the best deal for both him and the consumer. He had worked with many people both his senior and junior in his time and loved imparting generations worth of knowledge on potential new butchers. He eagerly awaited for when his son was old enough to take up the trade and he first Baker to give tips of the trade to none Bakers. Mr. Baker felt that his family secrets were not to be kept amongst the family bloodline but to be shared. Their motto was “A Better World, Made by the Butcher” and it adorned their family crest, a red banner complete with a sheep, a cow and a winking pig on the top. Needless to say, the pig didn't have a body.

When he advertised for a part time worker to help him through the holiday season, he hadn't expected a skinny, pale woman who looked like she'd already seen the inside of a sheep's stomach, but he wasn't going to turn down the only applicant. Things had been slow but Jennifer took to the job faster than anyone he'd ever met. He had even bragged to his father about her. She truly was an honorary Baker.

The job was only for a six week period from early November to mid-December, but in that time both butcher and apprentice had got to know each other well. Jennifer had discovered that Mr. Baker was a fan of sixties/seventies rock music and was once in a band, that he collected vintage plates, that he met his wife at a butcher competition and she'd left the butcher from Allanson for him, that the Baker family remained fit and spritely well into their eighties, that he could recite Pi to 15 digits and he almost lost a finger the first time his father let him hold a butcher knife. Jennifer had opened up to his new boss, telling him about her dreams to travel, how she was allergic to cinnamon, that she once won a town wide children's singing contest when she was five, that she has a strong and unexplained dislike of rubber bands and that she collected ceramic horse figurines.

What they learned wasn't just things about each other. Obviously, Jennifer was acquiring the knowledge of the butcher trade from Mr. Baker but he was also imparting many more life skills. He told her the best place to get a car loan, thought her how to tie and untie multiple types of knots, the right way to clean a smartphone, where to find fresh nuts, how to stroke a dog just right and the easiest way of getting a seat on a crowded train. Jennifer told him how to colour code clothes, who are the best current rock bands, how to move through a crowd, how to make space on his phone, how to find a bargain in a market and why olives are superior to grapes.

Despite being supportive, many had worried Jennifer's decision to study philosophy. She had been questioned (repeatedly) by friends, immediate family and even distant family on why she chose to study it of all things. They said she should look into becoming a nurse or career, that business studies pays for itself, joinery is a skill set for life, why not just try an IT degree and just get an office job, you'll thank me later. Uncle Roger was ready to get her a name plaque to put on her desk at the mortuary. Her parents were always confident and trusted their daughter but they worried about her future employability.

It was only Mr. Baker that supported her Philosophy degree. During her time working with him they had discussed Descartes, pondered Plato and considered Kant, all while making sure the dead animals were ready for their audience. Jennifer spent too much of her time thinking. She would meditate her decisions and those of others, stress over what was the best solution or the worst outcome and so decided to do something with this. She would either get a better understanding or herself and the world around her, or at least maybe focus her errant thoughts. Mr. Baker was always happy to listen.

No no ever called her Jenny, except Mr. Baker. Normally she disliked the nickname, but felt affection when called it by her boss. She had built a vault of trust with him, so much so she even left her spare house keys at the shop. Maybe he'd show up and surprise her with some ham sandwiches one day. He'd say it's important to have an abundance of trust someone in a job with so many dangerous items around. He described how working together like this is exactly what he wanted with his son when he's old enough, if he wanted to become a butcher of course.

It was the 17th December and Christmas was all paid for. Everyone who shared even a similar drop of blood to her had a present literally with their name on it. All of her school and uni friends, and even her old penfriend in France, were all in store for a nice surprise. The last gift she bought was for Mr. Baker. He'd done so much for her and they had become close, so it seemed appropriate. She struggled at first but realised that a a vinyl copy of Black Sabbath's War Pigs would be perfect.

Wrapping all the presents had been easy, especially thanks to her new knot tying skills. Each one was adjourned with a bow. Wrapping up these gifts was infinitely easier than packaging cuts of meat and a lot less slimy, so she was able to enjoy the long hours it took to gradually complete the task. Jennifer had to be thankful for the bonus Mr. Baker had given her though, as the cost of all the paper, string and whatnot added up quickly. It may have worked out cheaper to rent a forest and make the packaging herself.

All of the gifts had been delivered and were under their recipients' trees and there were a fair number for her under the family tree. She, her siblings and her parents had decorated the house thoroughly and Christmas films were being watched. Christmas music was already getting to the point of being overplayed. Her family were happy to have her around for all of this, making it a true family Christmas. It wasn't snowing but it was dull and freezing. Scarves and woolly hats had become essential, and Mrs Davies was adamant everyone wrapped up.

Jennifer was done with university for the term and her time with Mr. Baker had finished, she had to ask herself what came next. Did she continue working at the butcher shop while balancing her time at university? It would be annoying to keep going back and forth, but she'd get to see her family more often and they always say they miss her when she's gone. She could simply say goodbye and focus on her studies (and heavy drinking, which almost goes without saying). It'd be less money, but simpler. While debating these ideas with herself as her own Symposium, a new problem was waiting on her doorstep.

She had just been into town to do some general shopping and buy some extra wine, as you can never have enough at Christmas time. The bottles didn't even make it into the house though, as the bag hit the floor and broke, wine spilling on the concrete. It flowed down the sloped paving stones to the plastic snowman holding a 'Santa Stop Here!' sign, which now stood next to a pig's head.

It wasn't carefully cut or prepared like the animal heads Jennifer grown used to seeing. The remains of its neck were not even or crisp, instead it was raw and jagged, with nicks found around the cranium and ears. Blood was leaking from underneath it and had slowly crept towards the gate before freezing solid, some had started to mix with the wine. One of its eyelids was open, resulting in a morbid wink. Jennifer's nose was too blocked up to smell anything, for which she was eternally thankful.

She took a moment to compose herself and tried tried to think of what to do. Her brothers and sister were at school and her parents were out for the day, so she had some time to figure this out before they returned home. She took a deep breath, carefully placed the bag of now empty wine bottles to the side and left the garden, making sure the gate was properly shut. As she ran down the street, the pig head continued to wink at nobody.

She arrived at Mr. Baker's butchers about fifteen minutes later. She had ran as fast as she could, but stopping at ice patches had slowed her down. Mr. Baker was in the process of cutting chunk of ham using the largest cleaver she'd ever seen.

'There's a pig's head.'

'Yes, in the window. I know.' replied Mr. Baker.

'No. At my house. On the step.'

'Taking your work home with you, are you?' Mr. Baker chuckled.

'No.'

Mr. Baker immediately stopped what he was doing and sat her down on a stool near the door. Jennifer explained the whole visitation, including details about the wine she'd bought. This was partly out of her total confusion and also because she'd got such a good deal on them she wanted to brag. Mr. Baker was silent throughout, simply nodding and making understanding noises until she finished.

'Deary me, that's strange.'

'Did anyone buy a pig's head from you at all in the last few days?'

'No.'

'Have any gone missing?'

'Now you need to relax, young Jenny. While this certainly is a stage situation, we don't want to start speculating.'

'Then where did it come from?'

'I think we can safely ascertain that somewhere a pig is messing it's head. Now come on. ' Mr. Baker helped her to her feet. 'Let's go and get rid of it.'

The whole mess was sorted within the hour. Mr. Baker, completely unfazed by the sight of the head, still winking, still in it's frozen pool of blood. He had it cleared it away in minutes. He bagged it up, then put that bag into a bag, and in another and so on. They both cleaned away any slime it left. Hot water and the drain took care of the icy blood and wine. They put down some disinfectant and hoped the lingering smell would leave of its own accord. Mr. Baker left with a faint smile, taking the evidence with him. Jennifer was finally able to sit down inside, heating turned way up, as she contemplated the day so far and what she would do next. She abstained from any wine and stuck with tea. Staying on at the butchers was now an even more confusing prospect, but she expected she was going to see more of Mr. Baker in the coming days.

Her parents were home later that afternoon. Marsha and Brian were in their fifties and still very much in love. They had been doing some last minute shopping and then taken lunch. They were laughing when they entered the door and surprised to see Jennifer sprawled out on the settee, her eyes deadly focused on nothing.

'Hard day?' asked her mother.

'Hnnn.'

'Oh, dear. I'll put some tea on.'

Jennifer barely moved for the rest of the night. Even as her brothers (Mark, Andrew, Liam) and her sister (Elizabeth) arrived home from school, bouncing off the walls at the excitement that they'd finished for Christmas. Their happiness wasn't as infectious as Jennifer had hoped though, as she never really snapped out of her mood. She ate, she watched the evening quiz shows and soaps, but she couldn't get the winking pig out of her head. Who could have put it there? Why would anyone put it there? Was it some sort of initiation rite by Mr. Baker? No, it couldn't be. He wouldn't do anything like that. He also seemed surprised and concerned by the whole thing. If it wasn't him though, then who?

Jennifer stopped going around in thought circles eventfully and went to bed. She was surprised she fell asleep so easily. Very little of her dreams involved pig heads, but the one time it did caused her to be wide awake at 4am. It took half an hour to get back to sleep and nightmares resumed.

When she got up in the morning, her mum had breakfast (cereal, toast, orange juice) in front of her within seconds. It was eaten just as quickly. Mrs. Davies was glad her daughter was home for Christmas and wished she hadn't moved to halls closer to university so she could keep an eye on her. She knew something was wrong with her daughter, but she also knew better than to pry. A similar thing had occurred when Jennifer was fifteen. Jennifer had gone into herself and Marsha Davies had bothered her daughter and constantly asked if she was okay, if she wanted to talk and so on. This led to Jennifer becoming more detached. Mrs. Davies would discover what had happened over social media, as it turned out Derrick, Jennifer's boyfriend, had cheated on her with Melissa. Melissa was supposed to be going out with Dave, but she'd been with Alan the week before, so she can't be trusted, yeah? But Derrick claims he was and so on. After a few days, her daughter opened up again and went back to normal.

When Jennifer failed her exam to get into university, she did the same thing. The Davies parents decided to wait and and trust their daughter. Within the week she'd explained everything to them and they were able help her get a retest. Marsha Davies knew her daughter and whatever was wrong, she'd come to her eventually. Either that or forget and instead focus on Christmas. Only six days to go! I best finish the wrapping, she thought.

The next few days grew easier for Jennifer. Nothing of note happened, other than her uncle Roger brining the family over for a few hours. He was eager to talk about recent mortuary goings on. Jennifer caught up, laughed and talked about TV with her siblings and nephews and even found herself video gaming with them. Chocolate, cake and biscuits were aplenty, so her mood began to lift. She had been thinking about the head less and less, instead she just felt a perpetual tinge of dread and unease. She even had a glass of wine.

She managed to visit Mr. Baker on Christmas Eve and give him his present. He was busy slicing us sirloin but appreciative of the gift. He indicated that there was something for her behind the till. She took the square box, about a foot long with her and put it under the tree, which at this point was lifted off the ground because of the swell of gifts. She was definitely curious as to what it was, but it wasn't head shaped, didn't smell of decay and no blood was dripping from it, so she felt it would be something good.

After a night of laughter and fun, she went to bed on Christmas Eve and slept peacefully. The event was starting to feel like something that happened to someone else. It was best to forget about it. It was probably someone crazy person doing something random. It's not her business. It's over.

#Story #writing #new #fiction #mystery

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planetoban · 5 years ago

Text

Savin’s Answers from Twitter, Part 5!

Pretty much done with the backlog; this post covers tweets from November 2018 through May 2019

As always, tweets are in order from most to least recent, and answers may not 100% true/canon since things are bound to change during production of the sequel. Text is unedited save for formatting; in a few places I added [comments] for context.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Also: If you’re going to ask Savin something, please be respectful and appropriate. He’s a person just like you and me.

@NekoItoi: Will the bluray be released for Region A or solely region B? As I really want to finally own Oban in hd

@EiffelSavin: The bluray will be crowdfunded and region free

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@Helloworld1012: Maybe U could get a adventures of young Aikka series funded

@EiffelSavin: Actually we're developping both a sequel and a spinof, which would reveal a lot about Aikka's past...

(x)

[talking about rick]

@Antarasis: Pretty metalhead. 👍 And losing your ability to pursue your #1 passion is such a heavy hitting topic. Was interesting to see a character confronted with it. Especially to see an admirable character give in to anger because of helplessness and make him act unpleasant/unlikable.

@EiffelSavin: I agree. Characters that are not just plain black and white are very interresting to follow.

(x)

@Helloworld1012: out of curiosity, Do U [Savin and Thomas] prefer the Eva & Jordan romantic pairing and prefer that Eva & Jordan be a couple or the Eva & Aikka romantic pairing & prefer that Eva & Aikka become a couple? I heard from a discord chat that U both have different views in

‏@Helloworld1012: who Eva should end up with. And do Romantically pair Eva with one of them.

@EiffelSavin: I don't remember disagreeing with Thomas over this and would rather leave the choice to the audience - both relationships are important ! This being said, the question of who Eva likes most may resurface in the sequel, if we get to make it...

(x)

@Xanidos43: is it still possible to get the newsletter? i would love to support and buy the blu ray upon release.

@EiffelSavin: There will be more newsletters to come. For now just register on the bluray page of the http://obanstarracers.com website

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@Helloworld1012: Hey I’ve noticed for quite a while, that Aikka and Eva in the concept art physically look to be about the same age, please give us this one hint. Is the fact that Eva and Aikka look physically the same age in the concept art have something to do with the plot or OSR

@Helloworld1012: 2? Or is it just because you and @Thomasintokyo just wanted to show what Eva and Aikka could possible look like when their older?

@EiffelSavin: One possible direction for the sequel is for it to take place a few years after the original show. Hence the concept art. But this is still under discussion and would also depend on who finances the series

(x)

@Antarasis: Can we have a show about poor Muir, haha? Oh god, if I'd have the time I'd so make a parody show about Muir. There should be Muirs in Skyrim instead of mudcrabs. And Muir should get a skin in FightCrab. x'D Aaah, the potential of Muir. Please don't commit suizide, little crab.

@EiffelSavin: I could easily imagine a series about the adventures of "young muir"(!) Not sure we could get it funded though ☺️

(x)

@AldrenMcneal: Hi there! i recently watched an Oban Star Racers video and found out a potential sequel was in the works. i found your twitter and realized it was announced back in 2017. How much progress have you made since then? Do you have the story planned out? Thanks!‏

@EiffelSavin: The story is planned out but we need investors - and time as well, since we're all involved in other projects too. Hopefully a successful bluray release we'll help refocuss everyone's energy

(x)

@Bfahome: I heard rumors in the past that there's a "full" version of Oban's English opening, "Never Say Never". Are those rumors true and, if so, who would be the ones to have it? Would it even exist still?

@EiffelSavin: I'm not sure about this. I think the only version I ever heard was the opening version. For your info our US partners felt very strongly about using that song. I gave my OK because it was pretty catchy, even though the op credits were created to match Yoko Kanno's title song.

(x)

@EiffelSavin: Thanks a lot to the 1000+ #obanstarracers fans who took the time to answer our little survey. Here's what you answered to one of the first question asked. Among the alien racers, it seems Spirit made quite an impression #animation #anime #surveys #jetix #nhkbs #toowam

@MattGiusti: The lack of Sul on this list is very sad.

@EiffelSavin;: Sul came right after and would certainly have fared better if the question was who's your favorite alien character. Bear in mind that the list of choices here included some of the main characters of the show, like Jordan and Aikka and that one could only give a single answer.

@rhodanum: I'm quite surprised at how high Spirit ranked (higher than Stan, Don and Maya!) and that Jordan ranked higher than Aikka. The latter is especially surprising, given the gigantic number of fanworks (fanart, fanfic) featuring Aikka or Aikka x Eva, compared to Jordan or Jordan x Eva

@EiffelSavin: Aikka ranked first in some territories but overall Jordan came first - among the voters at least. I would be interesting to see if female and male voters voted equally - or predominantly - for one or the other...

(x) (x)

@GabrielAubry2: What happened to Prince Aikka after he returns to Nourasia? Won’t the Crogs on the planet be angry at what he did on Oban?

@EiffelSavin: Good question indeed but bear in mind their leader crashed on Oban and that there were fierce rivalries between the rest of chiefs. This must have slowed them somehow. Plus there's a new Avatar! 🙂

(x)

@RakkuBoi: ust took the survey. It's probably asking for too much but one idea I expressed was the possibility of including autographes. Maybe on the art cards that might be included? Your's or @Thomasintokyo would be AMAZING.

@EiffelSavin: Point noted 😉

(x)

@kueekueeng: from a fan who's been waiting for years, is "The 2 Queens" movie ever going to be released?‏

@EiffelSavin: Finding funding on the French market as proven more difficult than anticipated but we haven't given up and have also started working on an animated series adaptation, possibly with a more "radical" artistic direction. More news hopefully soon...

(x)

@SonicMrgame2017: Which program you guys used for animation?

@EiffelSavin: Here are the programs the team used for the animation: Pencils (well sharpened), large and thin Erasers, and most important: thousands and thousands of sheets of Paper 😉

@SonicMrgame2017: Yeah, but, the animation was done in cels or you guys used some kind of digital ink? PD: Respects!!!! I love handrawn animation

@EiffelSavin: Oban used digital paint and compositing. When we produced the series it was the very last days of painted cells in Japan, where it lasted longer than in other countries. I think the last series that used painted cells was "Sazae-san". 🙂

(x)

@quantum_cuboid: QUESTION. Can you give us any insight as to which characters will make a return in the OSR sequel? There were many good characters, and a few that make me wonder whatever happened to them!

@EiffelSavin: I'll give you one: Eva (!) 😉 For the rest I prefer to keep quiet for now but feel free to make suggestions ☺️

(x)

[note: this thread is originally in French and I used Google Translate]

@supalinocelosu: So it was the authors directly who led the # ObanStarRacers

@ EiffelSavin: I think that should be the norm but apparently no ... I was also present during the English dubbing in Vancouver. But this time there was a director of English voices. I was commenting but not directly the direction of US actors

(x)

@theinmaskedboy: Could you clarify a doubt sir? 1) What happened with him when he arrived on the earth, because at the end of the galactic race he did not mention again .. 2) There are some loose ends in history, like the crow .. Was he eliminated from the race? or just leave?

@EiffelSavin: Spirit did not make it to the final 3 so he was eliminated & returned to his home planet. Regarding Rick, his job was done so he went back home too. We had crazy plans of making a sequel with him starring as a private PI (!) Who knows we may reuse that in 1 form or another

(x)

@Taibhse_Designs: Now this is a beauty to see, any concept art for the whizzing arrow or other paint job ideas other than the bunny exist that never made it to print?

@EiffelSavin: yes. We did more than 10 paint job tests before going for the actual ones :) That certainly could be something for the new art book.

(x)

@Taibhse_Designs: I have the original DVDs still in good condition with the cardboard sleeve, I atleast rewatch the entire series once a year and would love a Blu-ray version. Would love to see some stats on the ships like actual scale, measurements, or official heights of the characters.Taibhse Designs added,

@EiffelSavin: That could be a cool extra actually, or something to add to a new art book. If you join the Oban Bluray Project newsletter on http://obanstarracers.com we'll soon ask you about the type of features and goodies you'd like to have.

(x)

@TheRealZentron: The 1080p 4:3 version is the most crisp out of the three, but I like the cinematic scope of the 16:9, I just wish it was as crisp! Still, can't wait until the Blu-Ray comes out, hopefully it will be available to and playable in the UK!

@EiffelSavin: The bluray will be, for the first time, in the original rate of 24f/s and will be zone free‏

@TheRealZentron: That's great to hear Savin, thanks for the info! I'll sure to place my order once available, it'll sure be good watching OSR HD on my 70" 4K TV! Will the set also include the original Molly Star-Racer trailer in HD or the regular SD?

@EiffelSavin: I'm working on this. The pb is to get the rights to the music. In all cases it will be sd as it was produced that way but we'll try to upscale it in the best possible way from the best source available.

(x)

[Original question deleted]

@EiffelSavin: That was my notes, yes: Maya cut off from her family because of her choice to become a racer with Don, and Don having old parents that died early. Thus no grand parents for Eve to turn 2. But since we never go beyond that in the story, U can make up your own idea on backstory 🙂

(x)

@LovesOban: Please tell me because I’ve been obsessing over this, but even though he wouldn’t be as skilled as Aikka, Cannan or a Nourasian knight in martial arts, & Even though in 2082 DW isn’t the most athletic & even though DW is more brains than brawn & doesn’t have brute strength, in

@EiffelSavin: Don Wei is not a "big man" but he's determined and has grown quite tough, at least since Maya's death. Do you remember the first time he meets Rick and his biker buddies in the middle of the desert? He stands up to them pretty well, doesn't he?

(x)

@HG_Alsmyr: are you going to have Thomas Romain join you for the Ōban sequel by chance?

@EiffelSavin: Yes. We've already started to collaborate on the sequel and spinoff projects. Working together again was very touching actually 🙂

(x)

#oban star racers #sav! the world #sav the world #type:staff #type:text

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anotheruserwithnoname · 6 years ago

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Thoughts on Victoria Series 3

Some general thoughts on the just-concluded (well, in North America, anyway) Season 3 of Victoria. Obviously spoilers ahead - and I will be talking about some of the season’s major moments, so read on only if you’ve seen the show or don’t care about spoilage!

To start at the very end, the cliffhanger finale appears to have answered two questions: will there be a fourth series and will Jenna Coleman and Tom Hughes be a part of it. Of course we won’t know officially for maybe months to come, but I think it’s relatively rare for British seasons to end on a cliffhanger if there isn’t a follow-up season already in the bag. Maybe some examples can be given of cliffhanger cancellations - The Omega Factor, maybe? Red Dwarf went off the air for four years having left things on a cliffhanger. So maybe I’m wrong, but considering S1 and S2 both had “full stops” (albeit with S2 having a Christmas special as a postscript), if nothing else it suggests confidence.

And as for Jenna continuing - well, they could change the actress on a cliffhanger, I suppose. Maybe we’re going to jump ahead closer to Albert’s death and not directly resolve the collapse. But Jenna is on record as talking about what she wants to do in Series 4. Time will tell.

Looking at the season as a whole, although I greatly enjoyed it, it did feel perhaps a bit uneven. There was perhaps a greater emphasis on supporting characters this year, but with the Francatelli/Skerett arc cruelly cut off midway through the season, and surprisingly Ernst and Harriet being absent completely - there was greater emphasis on Lord Palmerston, who I think deserves a show of his own, and Victoria’s semi-estranged sister, Feodora, who I found was played perhaps a bit too much like a costume-drama villain. Similarly, the romance between Sophie and William the footman was well handled, but at times felt like it belonged in another series - though I loved the verbal thumping that Victoria gives Sophie’s abusive husband, and the Penge-William dynamic was interesting to see. Mrs. Turner, Skerett’s successor as Victoria’s dresser, is also an interesting addition, especially as Victoria starts to use her as sort of her own Baker Street Irregular.

I was very surprised at Ernst and Harriet being absent from the season, especially as I could have sworn David Oakes and Margaret Clunie posted about filming. Were their scenes deleted? Is it possible that, as a consolation for ITV delaying broadcast of Series 3 well beyond the US airing that this time British viewers are going to see the bonus scenes? I don’t know. But we get no more of their budding romance (which might be for the best as it was rather “doomed to history”). Also totally forgotten about is the marriage of Lord Alfred and Wilhelmina Coke that was expected to follow the Christmas season (though Paget is still present). Diana Rigg was also nowhere to be found. We still had Penge and Brodie, and Lady Portman provided some interesting dynamics with Lord Palmerston. Peter Bowles (who I’ll always remember from his appearance in Patrick McGoohan’s The Prisoner) gets some great moments before bowing out as the Duke of Wellington. As for Francatelli and Skerrett, things seem to be going well ... then they suddenly get cut off in their prime.

I know there are people really angry about what happened to them, but I actually didn’t mind it because, realistically, once they left the palace, there really was no further value to the characters in terms of helping tell Victoria’s story. Plus, it gave real stakes and consequences to the deadly disease that afflicted Londoners at the time. It was a brave choice, and I think a good one. they couldn’t exactly kill off Albert 20 years early, right? There was also a line of dialogue implying that Lord M is no longer with us. Robert Peel’s death isn’t mentioned; instead we have John Sessions as rather undynamic Prime Minister Russell, though he’s undynamic mainly because of Lord Palmerston taking all the attention.

Also new this year were the Prince and Princess of Foreshadowing - otherwise known as Vicky and the future King Edward VII. I thought the storyline involving Bertie’s learning disability was well handled, but I did find myself eye-rolling a little bit when Bertie professes his love for his cousin Heidi. And in Vicky I could sense Daisy Goodwin giving a bit of a wink to today’s audiences; after all, it wasn’t until William and Kate’s first child was nearly born that Parliament finally did away with the “first male is the heir” rule. Had it been in place in the mid-1800s, we might have had Queen Victoria II come to the throne in 1901 (albeit only for a short while as Vicky only outlived her mother by about 7 months). The tension between Bertie and his father - which Victoria later blamed for contributing to Prince Albert’s early death - is foreshadowed pretty heavily.

What kept me truly engaged, once again, were the performances by Jenna Coleman and Tom Hughes. Both approached their roles with renewed confidence. Jenna clearly was still working on the momentum of The Cry, and Tom had himself been busy filming between seasons, and it shows. Tom’s Albert has a drive to him I haven’t seen since the Series 1 episodes about the trains and his speech about slavery; he successfully manages to overshadow Victoria several times. Jenna’s Victoria exhibits the type of maturity expected of someone who has worn the crown for more than a decade and has had 7 children (and the season doesn’t sugarcoat the impact that has on both Victoria and Albert). The show comes back to a recurring theme that Victoria doesn’t like change - in particular when people leave her. Her upset at Skerett’s resignation, her sadness at Wellington’s retirement, and her rather pointed words that may or may not have changed Sophie’s plan to elope. It’s pretty consistent. The relationship between Victoria and Albert is strained this season, less romantic at times - Victoria even comes to the conclusion Albert doesn’t love her anymore - but in the end, their relationship is more mature than ever. They aren’t teenagers anymore; to have them acting as such is perhaps unrealistic. And the result being two people still deeply in love and bonding like never before. In an odd way I could almost compare it to the Eleventh Doctor and Clara Oswald vs. the Twelfth Doctor and Clara. The first relationship was giddy and first-date like; the second was the deep bond of love (that goes “beyond romance” to quote Peter Capaldi) of the type you get when two people mature together and have life experiences together. Still in love, but differently, as Series 3 establishes.

If there is one disappointment, it’s that Series 3 didn’t - for me - produce any standout single episode, the way Series 1 had the train episode and Series 2 the Scottish episode. Perhaps the closest was the dysentery episode, though more because of its tragedy than the heartwarming feelings generated by the first two. The finale was good but it had to deal with resolving several plot thread (or at least setting them up for cliffhangers).

I know Victoria is not to everyone’s liking. I’ve seen people criticizing it for violating history in much the same way that I’ve seen Trekkies going after Star Trek Discovery for violating Trek canon. It even has a bit of Discovery vs The Orville-style rivalry happening as there are those who prefer the harder edge and Netflix trappings of The Crown. But Victoria is, above all, a generally light-hearted romantic drama. It’s not a documentary. And it certainly hews to history closer than, say, the Reign TV series about Mary Queen of Scots or, for that matter, the recent movie about Mary Queen of Scots. (That said, in casting Laurence Fox as the dynamic Lord Palmerston they did try the same thing they did with Rufus Sewell’s Lord M; Palmerston was considerably older than Fox in real life.)

Victoria Series 3 did its job - it was entertaining, it transported me out of a rather unpleasant period of my life for an hour or so, and it was good. Even if I wasn’t a Jenna Coleman fan, I’d still have watched it. I loved it.

So is Victoria done? Well, leaving the series on a cliffhanger (a couple of them) would suggest they hope to come back. Will Jenna come back? They certainly seems to have set things up that she has to return. But then in the new Harper’s UK interview out just today (March 3) she talks about going to LA after her play is finished to look for movie roles. That doesn’t sound like someone expecting to spend 8 months filming Victoria starting in the summer. She could be just covering her bases like any good actor and not assuming that a renewal is guaranteed (there are videos out there of the casts of Magnum PI and Brooklyn Nine Nine being told about their renewals and the sense of relief of continued employment is palpable). Maybe my guess is right and we’re being set up for the most depressing Christmas special ever? Time will tell, the saying goes.

Regardless, I will miss Victoria and if she is indeed finished in the role, I can’t wait to see what Jenna does next (starting with the play which is to have a National Theatre Live cinema showing).

#victoria series 3 #victoria series 3 discussion #jenna coleman

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asouthernsamwell · 6 years ago

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Through the Stomach to the Heart

A big thank you to @dumouwin for being a wonderful beta, and also super supportive about me posting my first ever fic! I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Eric Richard Bittle is convinced that his new captain hates him, and his baking, since Jack Zimmermann won't touch a single thing that Bitty bakes. Jack, on the other hand, discovers that he has a problem even more vexing than not being able to eat gluten.

Eric Richard Bittle knew two things. One, introducing oneself with food was a sure way to make friends; and two, that rule went double for student athletes (even if they couldn't be counted on to still be friendly in three week's time, it never hurt to get off to a good start). Besides, things were supposed to be different at Samwell, and Eric was optimistic.

The two pies he brought to practice on the first day were mauled, and everyone seemed friendly, so he considered his first day a success. The captain of the team, Jack Zimmermann, seemed indifferent to the pies, but Eric figured he didn't want to show favoritism, or was just really strict about his personal diet plan.

However, after a few months of Jack not even sampling his baking once, Bitty (as he had been christened by his new teammates) finally worked up the nerve to ask about it.

“Does he hate me?” Bitty whispered, as Jack once again bypassed a pie fresh from the oven in favor of a protein shake.

“Who, Jack?” Ransom asked around a mouthful of pie.

“Nah bro, don't worry about Jack, he's just like that,” Holster responded, before practically unhinging his jaw to shovel more pie into his mouth.

“But I've never met anyone who wouldn't even taste my pies! Even stuck up Eliza Mae tried my county fair blue ribbon pie! I get that he takes hockey seriously, and adores his diet plan, but would it kill him to try just one bite of something someone else made? I mean, y'all devour my pies, and he won't even come near them! Oh gosh, what if he hates me for feeding his entire team pie? I can't just not bake for people!”

“Brah, chill. Take a breath, it's okay. Jack just does his own thing, I'm sure he doesn't hate you.” Ransom served himself another piece of pie, “After all, he'd have a mutiny on his hands if he tried to keep you from baking!”

“Dude! C'mon!”

“Serves you right. Get your own seconds, stop trying to steal mine!”

Holster pouted and rubbed his hand where Ransom had slapped him.

“Ransom is right though, Jack almost certainly doesn't hate you. He's just a pretty tightly-wound dude.”

“Almost certainly doesn't hate me. Thanks Holster, that's so reassuring.” Bitty let his head fall forward to the table and mumbled into his arms, “He probably just thinks my baking is a waste of time that distracts from hockey and he probably wants me off the team. That's all.”

“No way dude-”

“C'mon Bits, you know that's-”

“I'm gonna make him a pie.”

It was a fool-proof plan. Bitty would make Jack a pie (“What type of pie do you think he likes?” “I don't know, but he's Canadian, so maybe something with maple syrup in it? Do pies like that exist?” “Holster, you do know that not all Canadians have a maple syrup IV connected to them at all time, right? Bitty, maybe a healthy-ish fruit pie? Like apple?”), and Jack would simultaneously realize that Bitty wasn't a horrible person, they could actually get along, and he wasn't going to keel over if he ate a few grams of sugar.

When Bitty was sure that his new creation (an apple pie with maple sugar in the crust) was perfect, he brought it to the Haus and warmed it in the oven for a minute before cutting it up, plating it, and bringing it out for the boys studying in the living room.

“Hey y'all, I tried out a new recipe today, who wants to test it for me?”

Ransom, Holster, and Shitty all immediately grabbed for the plates in his hands, but Jack just gave him a quick glance before going back to the essay he was typing.

“Jack, do you want some? It's maple apple, and I thought you might like it because I tried to make it healthier while also kind of thinking about Canada? I mean, sorry, that sounds weird, I just thought that you and Ransom might appreciate something more home-y by this point in the semester, ya know? Erm...”

Jack interrupted his rambling with a short, “No thank you, Bittle,” before turning back to his essay and typing as if he had never been interrupted.

The plates clanked on the coffee table as Bitty set them down with a little too much force before stalking about of the room. Jack hated him, fine. Just fine.

For the next few months, Bitty kept up a war of attrition. He baked pies, brought them to the Haus, and always took care to offer Jack a piece when he was around. And every time his offers were turned down, he would just smile sweetly and say, “Alright!” If Jack was going to hate him, Bitty was going to make sure that it was the most unfounded, ridiculous decision Jack Zimmermann would ever hold himself to.

Finally, one morning after Jack had started up their checking clinics again following summer break, Bitty snapped. It came after months of Pinterest suggestions, every type of fruity and healthy pie imaginable, and nightly stomach aches worrying over how much the captain of his team hated him. He'd had an entire summer to try and win Jack's favor in some small way, and he was done.

Bitty came down to the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, just in time to see Jack wrapping a brownie in a napkin. Bitty's confusion was quickly replaced by anger when Jack Zimmermann proceeded to eat said brownie on the way to Faber.

“Wow, so the illustrious Jack Zimmermann actually does have a sweet tooth. Someone should alert The Swallow.”

Jack seemed taken aback. “Um... Shitty made them for me?” He clearly didn't understand that he had just capped off an entire year of rudeness with the worst snub possible. Bitty didn't even dignify his statement with a response.

The entire time they laced up their skates and got ready, Jack's waves of confusion were only met with further stony silence from Bitty. Maybe he should have been impressed that Jack was reading the situation as well as he was, given his oblivious rudeness over the last year, but Eric was far too furious to be that gracious.

Once on the ice, Bitty took his place by the boards, and as Jack started skating towards him he finally lost it. Right as Jack skated into him, Bitty pushed back, catching Jack off-guard, and actually succeeded in checking Jack, sending him a few feet across the ice in his shock.

“Bittle, you just, you checked me. That's great!”

“Why do you hate me?!” Bitty wasn't even aware that he had flung his gloves to the ice until Jack glanced down at them warily.

“What? I don't hate you. I don't hate you – why would you think that?”

“Yes you do! You won't eat anything I make, even when I make things especially for you, and I know that you hate that I bake, but I don't think it distracts me from hockey! I'm a good player, and I was doing well on the team! I don't know why my baking upsets you so much or why you hate me, but I'm not going to stop making pies!”

“Bittle-”

“And don't think that you can tell me that I'm not keeping diet, because I pretty much am, and it's not affecting me!”

“Bittle, I-”

“And you know that you can't control what the team does all the time, because you never seem to get mad at them for eating pie or cookies or anything, but you still hate me and I don't understand why and it's just not fair! I'm just as much a member of this team as anyone else and if you don't agree with that then you're just going to have to-”

“Bittle! I'm celiac.”

“That's no- wait, what?”

“I'm celiac. I can't eat gluten. I'm allergic to pretty much everything you've made for the past year.”

“Why didn't you say anything??”

“I didn't know I needed to.”

“But, I, it's just – ugh! Jack! Here I've been thinking that you didn't like me for the better part of a year, when really I should have just been baking things that you can eat!”

“Why did you think I didn't like you?”

“You completely ignored my baking!”

Jack started to laugh. “Bittle, I just didn't want you to have to try and make gluten free things, I had no idea you would be so offended over me ignoring your baking. Besides, is helping you get over your mental block surrounding checking really the actions of someone who hates you?”

“I mean... this has definitely seemed sadistic at some points so...” Jack gave him a gentle hip check in response to his quip. “I just thought that since you didn't even want to try to like my pies that you didn't like me.” He cut Jack off before he could protest. “I'm silly, I know. Now, what type of pie would you like?”

“Bittle, you don't have to do that.”

“Nonsene. I'm not backing down from a new baking challenge! Besides, how long has it been since you last ate a piece of pie?”

“I don't really eat sweets, it's fine, you don't have to...”

“Mr. Zimmermann. I am from Georgia, and in the South, we express our emotions through food and feeding others. So please, let me make you a pie that you can eat and one that won't make you sick!”

“Thank you. But euh, Bittle, have you ever tried a gluten free dessert? They're not very good.”

“What about that brownie you were eating an hour ago? Are you trying to say it was bad? Because you sure seemed happy to be eating it, and as much as I love Shitty, I find it hard to believe that he could out-bake me, especially for a palate such as yours, Mr. Chicken-Strips-and-Protein-Shakes.”

The corner of Jack's mouth started to turn up in a grin. “Chirp, chirp, chirp Bittle, you're pretty bold this morning. Checking me, dropping your gloves, and now these chirps – are you going to ejected from our next game for fighting?”

“One Gordie Howe hat trick coming up, just you wait an' see!”

They were still laughing as they left Faber, Bitty trying to catch Jack by surprise with periodic hip checks the whole way back to the Haus.

The knock on his door startled Jack out of his senior thesis brain-fog.

“Come in?”

Bitty was holding his wallet and reading something off of his phone as he opened the door. “Do you want to come to the store with me? I was gonna go to Murder Stop-And-Shop for some stuff.”

Jack glanced at his computer screen where his thesis sat, no longer holding his interest like it had a few moments before. “Sure, just let me save this.”

The whole way there Eric babbled on about a new baking blog he had found, praising the author's interesting ingredient combinations, as well as her passion for locally-sourced foods. “...and the best part is, she sets up her recipes for other variations, and even makes suggestions for how other people could modify them based on their personal preferences, which is so cool. I should really make a conscious effort to do that more on my vlog, now that I think of it...”

What Jack didn't learn until they reached the baking aisle of the store was that the blog Bittle had suddenly become so enthused about was one he had sought out specifically following their conversation that morning. Bitty made a beeline past his normal baking staples, instead stopping in front of the rather meager section labeled “gluten free”. A few bags of pretzels, two types of macaroni and cheese, a pancake mix, two box cake mixes, and three types of flour blends looked back at Jack as he quickly caught on to Bittle's plan.

“Bittle, you really don't have to make me anything special, it's fine, I promise.”

“You hush Mister Zimmermann, you're going to try at least one of my pies before you graduate, just you wait.”

“Alright, alright, fine! I suppose I can try some of your pie, but if this turns into an addiction the way it seems to have for the rest of the team I'll be sending my future dietician to you!” Jack's small smirk seemed to be what Bitty was really searching for, so he continued, “So, what are we looking for?”

“Well, we need the same basic ingredients as any normal pie, just ones that won't kill you. I think the only problem is flour, at least it was the only thing the blog specified as being gluten-free, so I thought that we would start there, and then try what will essentially be a mash-up of my Moomaw's famous apple pie and this special crust. Although,” he cast a disappointed glance at the shelves in front of them, “we really don't have much to work with here. The blog talked about making your own flour blend, with different flours and starches and binding agents, but I guess I never realized how few options there would be. No wonder you eat like you do! Uhh, let's try this one.”

He held up a bag proclaiming its ability to be substituted one-for-one in any recipe with normal flour for Jack's approval. Receiving a quick shrug and an “I trust your judgment,” Bittle put the flour in the cart.

When they got back to the Haus, Eric made Jack read the labels on every ingredient they already owned with him, so that he could be sure he wouldn't put anything containing gluten in the pie, and then scrubbed down every inch of the kitchen, including washing the dishes and utensils he intended to use.

“I was reading about cooking for people with Celiac Disease, and I don't know how we haven't all managed to kill you by accident yet! My goodness Jack, do you get -” a pause of indecision, “-sick? poisoned? Gluten-ed? often because of us?” Bitty's worry was clearly expressing itself via frantic scrubbing with the new sponges he had just bought.

“Haha, no, it's okay. I mean, I do get sick sometimes, but it's not your fault. I just have to take extra care to wipe the counters and stuff before I prepare my own food. Besides, I shouldn't make the rest of you adapt to my weird eating habits. And the response is proportional to how much gluten I consume, so usually I just have a little pain and some, er, unpleasantness I guess.” Jack shrugged, indifferent, but Bitty was horrified.

“Oh my gosh, Jack, that's not okay! That sounds so horrible! And you could get sick – really sick! I read that you can get cancer, or not be able to absorb nutrients any more, and that must really hurt, and-”

“It's okay Bittle, I promise. That's why I'm careful, and it hardly ever happens. Besides, the dining hall has done far more to poison me than anyone in this Haus ever could.”

“Does the school know about that??” Jack was dismayed that his attempt at calming Bittle down had failed, but something in the back of his mind warmed to the fact that Bittle was scrubbing the kitchen, making special food, and now ready to fight the administration all on his behalf.

“They have a special section for student with allergies, but they tell everyone who eats there that they can't guarantee anything will be 100% safe. There's too much risk of cross-contamination in a kitchen that big to make that sort of promise.”

Bitty's face twisted into a small scowl, his mouth scrunched up and his eyes indicating that he was clearly trying to think of a way to solve all of Jack's dietary problems instantaneously.

“That's not fair! You should get to have meals you can enjoy fully too! It shouldn't be dangerous for you to eat dinner! Why are you smiling?”

“I think you're more upset about this than I am. It's kind of nice.”

“Well of course I'm upset! For gosh sakes Jack, it's food! They're not feeding you properly! That's a- that's just- I mean, it's- it's not right! I'm from the South, that's practically a crime! No, wait, there are actual cases where that is a very real crime. How can they just do this to you??”

As Bitty spluttered indignantly, he reminded Jack of a little kitten – specifically, the small orange cat from the Aristocats – puffing himself up and ready to take on the world, regardless of what the outcome would be. It wasn't that Jack didn't have people on his side who were willing to fight for him, he saw time and time again after his overdose that his support network was bigger than he could have imagined, but still... this was Bittle, someone who had apparently thought that Jack hated him as of twelve hours ago, and now he was whipped up into a frenzy doing his best to improve Jack's life. It was really nice.

Bittle's first pie came out of the oven to mixed reviews. It was a buttermilk pie in a homemade crust, and Jack thought it was incredible, tangy and sweet at the same time, with a buttery crust that barely crumbled apart at all, and a texture that wasn't grainy in the least. Everyone who sampled it agreed with Jack – it was good, if a little bit different than what they were used to, but still incredible. Bitty, however, was the lone voice of dissent.

“Jack, honey, how on earth can you call that good? I am so sorry, the next one will be much better, I promise! I was looking up some customizable flour blends, so hopefully the crust will cooperate a little bit more, and I can probably get it even thinner without it breaking. And if I add a little bit of xanthan gum to the filling it'll hopefully come out firm the whole way through, although that might have just been Betsy having a bad day, or maybe-”

“Bittle. I liked it. Truly.” Bitty was still casting half worried, half murderous glances at the almost empty pie plate. “It was the best thing I've eaten in a long time, I forgot that gluten free food could taste like that. It was perfect.”

After a heavy sign and a long moment of consideration, Bittle looked up at him.

“Alright, I'll believe you, but I'm still going to mess with the recipes and the flour blend until I'm satisfied. Will you be my taste-tester? You have a whole year's worth of pie eating to make up for!”

Jack just laughed. “All right Bittle, but save some time for studying too, okay? And remember, if you feed me too much pie I'll need to burn it off, so I hope you're also willing to sign yourself up as my early morning running partner.”

Jack hip checked him as Bitty screeched, “Mister Zimmermann, you wouldn't dare!” and he sauntered out of the kitchen.

The next few months flew by in a flurry of pies and other assorted baked goods. Jack watched as Bittle tried out every flavor of pie at least once, and he also expanded his gluten free experimentation into pancakes, crepes, brownies, cake, cinnamon rolls, waffles, pizza, and some very memorable soft pretzels. Eric seemed to be getting closer to being content with his creations, although he still wouldn't totally believe Jack when he spouted praise for the confections.

One day, Jack's focus was ripped sharply away from his thesis as Shitty bounced into his room.

“Jackabelle! My favorite Quebec beaut!”

“You're still wearing clothes, Shits. Are you alright?”

As if just noticing that for once he had made it past the front door fully clothed, Shitty glanced down at himself before kicking off his shoes and sprawling on Jack's bed. “It's too beautiful of a day to worry about overturning societal expectations! Well, no, actually, there's never an excuse for complacency in a society that dictates how we should express ourselves and that censors nature, but today I'm just too distracted and light of heart to actively participate in protest.”

Jack just raised an eyebrow and waited.

“Jacques, I'm in love!”

With a small smile, Jack simply responded, “I know Shits. Have you finally talked to Lardo about it?”

“No, Jack, I just realized! I mean, I've liked her for ages, who wouldn't? She's one of the coolest people ever, and she can do almost anything, but I just realized that I love her. And I never said anything to her before, because I didn't want her to feel manipulated by me in any way because of the traditional archetype of men – and fuck gender stereotypes, by the way – and I know that she's more than capable of fending for herself, but I also didn't want to ruin our friendship or make her feel awkward if she doesn't feel the same way, ya know?”

“Shits, I think anyone who knows Lardo and has seen you two interact can tell you that you have nothing to worry about. At all. And even if she suddenly decided she doesn't feel the same way, it's Lardo. She's cool, and she's one of your best friends, and that's not going to change. Go talk to her, okay?”

Shitty ran his thumb over a small sharpie-d triangle on the side of his wrist and smiled as shyly as Jack had ever seen him. ��Yeah, okay.” He got up to walk out, then paused with his hand on the doorknob. “You know, I feel so stupid. There she is, absolutely freaking incredible, and I talk to her every day and I never even realized. But then, today, we're just sitting there studying, not saying anything, and she just draws this freaking shape on my arm. And then I spent twenty minutes sitting there thinking about how I would get this stupid little triangle tattooed on my wrist, just because it was something she drew, but I'd much rather just have her there to draw it on me every day, and it just hit me then.” He shook his head, looking a little dazed. “I love her, man!”

At that moment, as Shitty rubbed his thumb reverently across the small black triangle on his wrist, Jack's eye caught on the plate sitting on his desk. Bittle had brought him a piece of pie and hour ago, asking for Jack's feedback on his newest gluten-free crust, and even after finishing the pie Jack had been idly tracing the edge of the plate with a small smile on his face, still amazed that someone like Bittle, who was pretty much a ray of sunshine come to life, would take the time to bake special pies for him, and would chirp him relentlessly, and could somehow still be his friend after how Jack had treated him last year, and how Jack didn't know what he was going to do without him next year except for probably signing with Providence just to stay close to Bitty and... when had Bittle become Bitty? Oh. Oh.

“Oh.” Jack abruptly looked up and interrupted Shitty. “Go talk to Lardo.” He all but shoved him out of the door before dashing into the bathroom to make sure his hair wasn't too disorderly. He ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time, before sliding a little into the kitchen in his socked feet.

“Bitty. I- what are you eating?”

Bitty looked up, startled, from where he was licking a spatula over the sink.

“Jack! Are you okay? What's wrong?”

“What are you eating?” Please don't be gluten, please don't be gluten, please don't be gluten[, I can't kiss you if it's gluten]...

“I just made brownies, Chowder had said that he wanted some and... are you alright?”

Jack visibly deflated. He almost blurted out, “I just realized that I like you and now I can't kiss you,” but he caught himself just in time.

“I'm fine. Did you want to get dinner tonight? I, uh, need a break from my homework.”

Bitty blinked at him slowly, head cocked slightly to the side as if trying to ascertain Jack's level of mental stability. (It was low, he hoped Bitty couldn't tell.) “Sure, these brownies'll be out of the oven in 15 minutes, so we can go then.”

Jack nodded fervently, then wondered if maybe that was too much before saying, “Great, I'll see you in a bit,” and leaving a confused Bittle standing in the kitchen behind him. He ran up to his room, threw himself on his bed, and cursed his gluten allergy.

Fifteen minutes later, Bitty kept up the conversation on the way to dinner, occasionally casting worried glances at Jack, who just gave him a small smile in return. I like you and I may even love you, and while I'm sometimes a masochistic moron, I don't hate myself enough to tell you that I like you when there's a chance that you like me too and I can't kiss you right away. I can be patient.

When Jack was first diagnosed with Celiac Disease, he spent a very long month being cranky about all the foods he could no longer eat, and looking on longingly every time someone else ate a food he used to love. But then, he got used to his new diet, lost all of his baby fat, and became a better, healthier hockey player who no longer missed gluten. Now, however, all he could notice was how many things Bitty ate that contained gluten. A dinner roll, croutons on his salad, fried chicken, cream of mushroom soup that he discarded after two spoonfuls, oreos on his ice cream, and even the school's mashed potatoes which also had flour added to them for some ungodly reason. Jack had spent eleven years indifferent to his special diet, and now he wanted to cry in frustration.

He had quickly resolved not to tell Bitty how he felt until a time when Bitty hadn't recently been eating gluten, but now that seemed like a long shot. Jack reasoned that if Bitty did return his feelings, there was no reason to wait before kissing him (Jack always had been 110% about everything), and if Bitty had recently eaten something that would make Jack sick he didn't want Bitty to feel bad. But now it seemed like the only opportunity Jack would get was first thing in the morning, before they went to team breakfast, which was less than ideal, seeing as they were usually surrounded by the other members of the team in the Haus.

In the dining hall, as Bitty loaded his plate with food that would have Jack curling into a ball of pain in an instant, Jack kept up the stream of silent curses against allergens. When Bitty smiled at him in the middle of a monologue on Beyonce's next tour, Jack felt his heart beat harder in his chest. And when Bitty got up to grab dessert for himself and came back with some prewrapped bread and rolls he had swiped from the gluten free station, Jack realized he was in much deeper than he thought.

As the week went on, Jack decided that he would have the most luck talking to, and then hopefully kissing, Bitty first thing in the morning or right before bed. If he had just brushed his teeth, it would probably be pretty safe. So, Jack carefully kept track of Bitty's food consumption and oral hygiene.

On Wednesday night, Lardo followed Shitty upstairs at ten o'clock, and Jack and Bitty both resigned themselves to staying on the first floor for at least another half an hour, just to be safe. Bitty seemed to be studying, but by eleven he declared that he had at least three hours' worth of work left to do, and so Jack eventually had to leave Bitty sitting at the kitchen table with a half-finished piece of (gluten) pie in front of him.

The next morning, Jack was woken up by mysterious noises coming from Shitty's room, and so he listened for any sounds indicating that Bitty had begun his morning routine, but by the time Jack left for class Bitty still hadn't stirred. Thursday night also proved to be a bit of a late night for Bitty, and so on Friday morning Jack saw him stumble out of his room just as Jack was walking out the door for his 8 AM class. By the time he saw Bitty in their 9 AM, Bitty was happily munching on a bagel from the campus coffeeshop closest to their academic building.

As unfortunate as Jack's luck had been thus far, he was a little bit heartened when Professor Atley announced the final project at the end of class.

“You'll choose a partner or work alone, whichever you prefer, and you will prepare a recipe from one of the major areas that we covered in class. You will be turning in your final project, although a majority of your grade will not come from taste, but rather from the essay you will write on both the preparation and the history of the recipe you choose. You and your partner will submit separate essays, but I am expecting a certain amount of overlap in the themes covered – plagiarism is prohibited, but it shouldn't shock me to see evidence of your collaboration. Have fun!”

Bitty beamed, and Jack could see the confidence in his face. This was a final he was ready for. “Hey Bittle, need a partner?” Jack's small smile was reflected back at him with ten times the intensity, and the response of, “Sure, if you'll let us do a gluten free project,” forced a full smile out of Jack without a second thought.

“That sounds good.”

It turned out that food allergens and diet trends, while not a new phenomena by any means, had not focused much on gluten during any of the eras they could base their project in. Jack was ready to make a normal, full-gluten project, but Bitty insisted that Jack should be able to have at least one thing he could sample on final project day. Finally, on Sunday night, as Jack was leaning against the counter waiting for his chicken strips to heat up in the microwave, he heard footsteps come thundering down the steps, and then saw Bitty's blond head appear in the kitchen door.

“Jack! I had an idea!”

“Yeah?” Jack prompted, “What's up?”

Bitty was beaming. “Did you know that gluten only started appearing in problematic quantities in the last hundred years? I mean, there's always been a type of gluten somewhere in wheat and stuff, at least, I think there was, there was a lot of science stuff that I skimmed over, but! I found out that if you went back in time a few hundred years you could probably eat whatever you wanted without fear of getting gluten-ed!” After a brief pause, Bitty added with a smirk, “You history nerd, of course you would be able to eat better in the past.”

“That's awesome! It's too bad we can't get any of those grains any more. Do you want to do a really old recipe with modern flour and talk about the changes in the plants in our essays?” Jack was impressed with the amount of research that Bitty had apparently been doing. There was a part of him that even rejoiced over how Bitty clearly prioritized Jack over anything even remotely academic, but the logical side of his brain chastised him with a reminder that Bitty loved procrastinating, and he shouldn't look for opportunities to derail studying when it did happen. Better to just encourage it, especially when the subject of Bitty's research made something simultaneously hot and cold flutter in Jack's ribcage.

“No, that's the really cool thing! I looked it up, and you can still get those grains! I mean, maybe not all of them, but it's possible to get wheat flour that's been mostly removed from the genetic variations that modern wheat has! It's called heirloom flour, or grains, or whatever, but I started looking around at different forums and stuff, and it seems like people with gluten allergies can eat it just fine! I mean, it's pretty expensive, and has to be ordered specially, because you have to grow it in special places where it can't accidentally mix with modern stuff and produce gluten-y offspring, so it's not a viable option for every day, but we could definitely get some for the project!”

Jack had thought that Bittle was beaming before, but now he was glowing and practically vibrating.

“That sounds great! Wow, looks like you're pretty good at this studying thing when you want to be, eh?” Jack couldn't resist the chirp. But then, to soften it a bit, and because he was ridiculously head-over-heels for Bittle at this point and was only a nanosecond away from throwing caution to the wind and taking his chances with the soy sauce Bitty had put on his dinner earlier, Jack hip checked him and then leaned in to ruffle his hair, saying, “Thanks Bittle. But let me pay, okay? One of us will be pulling in a six-digit salary this time next year, and it only seems right for you to save your money for more baking procrastination.”

“You're an absolute menace, Mister Zimmermann! But alright, I'll send you some links.”

Bitty wandered out of the kitchen with slightly flushed cheeks, and Jack watched him go, content to lean against the counter wearing a small smile until the beep of the microwave startled him back to awareness of the world around him.

After a week filled with studying for upcoming finals, research for their shared history class, and (on Jack's part) unsuccessful attempts to encounter Bitty alone when he hadn't recently eaten gluten, Jack's luck finally started to change.

Bitty knocked on his door on a Thursday night, and when Jack told him to come in, Bitty poked his head around the doorframe, biting his lip.

“What's up, Bittle?”

Bittle gestured with his phone as he talked. “I just got a message from my group for my math project, and they want to move our meeting time to Friday afternoon. Would you be okay with baking the pie for class on Sunday morning instead?”

“Sure,” Jack responded easily. “That'll probably work even better actually, since we'll be out of Rans' and Holster's way as they set up for the kegster, and then we can bake while everyone is still asleep on Sunday morning and avoid any interruptions there.”

As he always did when he was pleased, Bitty immediately seemed to straighten up, adding at least an inch to his own height, and showed off a radiant smile.

“Thanks Jack! Now if only I could enjoy my math project as much as I'll enjoy making this pie...”

For all of his planning and brainstorming, Jack made it to Sunday morning without realizing the perfect scenario he was walking in to. The kegster the night before had been almost enjoyable for Jack, even though he had gone to bed by eleven. Until then, however, he had entertained Bitty with tales of chasing off interlopers with a fire extinguisher, trying to subtly brag about his heroism. Bitty had listened with wide eyes, taking periodic sips from his red solo cup. He was far from being wasted, but certainly had enough alcohol in him to be a little more emotional than usual; he'd offered Jack a sip of his tub juice, and then snatched the cup away at the last moment, a look of horror on his face.

“Oh my gosh, no! I ate gluten today, I don't want to poison you! I am so, so, so, so, so sorry Jack!” Bittle had covered the mouth of the cup, as if the idea of a gluten particle in his drink could float out and attack Jack.

Jack, who was experiencing a swell of warmth throughout his body because of the concern Bittle had for him.

Jack, who was trying very hard not to grin like a lunatic, or even worse, to kiss Bittle on the spot for being so considerate.

Jack, who had simply settled for reaching out and patting Bittle on the shoulder in what he hoped was a bro-y gesture of affection and thanks.

“It's fine Bits, don't worry about it. I'm good with my soft drink.” He'd made a mock-cheers gesture with his own red solo cup before taking another sip. “Besides, I want to be ready for tomorrow's baking extravaganza.”

Bitty had just rolled his eyes.

As he brushed his teeth on Sunday morning, Jack could hear Bitty's alarm going off, playing a song he could now confidently identify as one of Beyonce's. He could hear the sound of Bitty smacking his nightstand before locating his phone to silence the alarm, and then the sound of feet hitting the floor and scuffy tired walking sounds from across the hall. The rest of the Haus still seemed to be passed out from the previous night's kegster, and so all of the little sounds that came with each of their morning routines seemed amplified in the calm silence.

Jack made it downstairs to the kitchen first, and switched on the coffee maker to help Bittle wake up – Jack wasn't much of a morning person, but Bitty really wasn't a morning person. He also wiped down the counters and the table; the boys had done a pretty good job keeping the kitchen clean last night, but there were still a few sticky spots of the counter that needed to be taken care of.

When Bitty entered the kitchen ten minutes later, hair damp and tousled from his shower and yawning out a 'good morning', he headed straight for the mug of coffee Jack had just finished pouring him, and proceeded to dump in a truly terrifying amount of sugar. He fished around in the fridge for the creamer, and after ensuring that his coffee was closer to flavored milk than coffee he took a sip and straightened up.

“All ready to begin your new career as a baker, Mister Zimmermann?”

Jack smirked a little, and answered indulgently, “Sure Bittle, whatever you say.”

The actual process of preparing the pie wasn't difficult – they had already found a recipe and translated the instructions and measurements into a more modern form, so it was simply a matter of measuring things and doing what Bitty said. The hardest part should have been working with the crust, but thanks to Bitty's semester of gluten-free experimentation they were left with an extremely malleable crust, and Bitty took pity on Jack and didn't make him transfer the lattice to the finished pie on his own. Instead, the hardest part of the morning for Jack was staying focused on the task at hand after his early morning realization – Bitty hadn't eaten anything with gluten in it yet! Jack had been on the verge of kissing him the moment he realized that, but then his anxiety reminded him of the million ways that plan could go wrong. Most of them were easy to discredit, but Jack reasoned that if Bitty didn't return his affections then things might be awkward for a few days, and it would be better for that period of awkwardness to start after they had put the pie in the oven and could go to their separate rooms if need be.

So, Jack waited until he was almost done with the dishes, the smell of pie baking filling the air, before he tried to start the conversation he had been preparing for the last few weeks. Bitty had just paused in his evaluation of the food-based classes offered at Samwell, when Jack interjected, “What have you had to eat today?”

He almost immediately cringed. That... wasn't the smoothest way to start.

“Just the coffee and the bit of the filling that we sampled. Did you want to go get breakfast once the pie's done?” Thank goodness Bitty was accustomed to his occasional brashness and could pick up the threads of conversation when Jack couldn't.

“Yeah, euh, that would be great. But, euh,” Jack took a deep breath, and stared straight out the window in front of him, not focusing on anything other than avoiding Bitty's gaze in case it turned dismissive or, even worse, pitying. “I kind of had something else I wanted to ask? Er, to tell you?”

“Okay, what is it?” Bitty sounded a little tentative, but Jack could only drop his gaze to his hands before staring out the window again.

“I think, euh, no, I know,” Jack finally turned a little to find big brown eyes staring directly into his, a slight wrinkle of worry creasing Bitty's brow. “I realized a few weeks ago that I really like you, and I know that this is really sudden but if there's a chance you might like me too I was hoping that we could...”

Jack's trailing off into panic was cut off by Bitty's exhale.

“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh thank goodness! Jack, I like you a lot too, but I didn't really think that you'd ever like me back in the same way, so I just didn't say anything, but yes I like you, and I would love to go out with you!” At some point during his response, Bitty's excited hands had found Jack's nervously wringing ones, and the soft touch along with the reassuring words made Jack's face break out into a smile.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, please.”

Jack smirked just slightly at Bitty's eager response, before moving one of his hands to cradle Bitty's face and gently pressing their lips together. Bitty tasted just a little bit sweet, like the sugar he had dumped into his coffee, and after pulling back for just a moment Jack leaned down again.

When they finally separated, Bitty smiled slowly and opened his eyes. Then, cocking his head to the side a little, he asked, “If you've known for a few weeks that you liked me, why didn't you say anything sooner?”

“I, um,” Jack could feel his face reddening,”I wanted to kiss you right away if that was an option, and, um, well, you eat a lot of gluten.”

Bitty looked shocked for a moment, before smiling again and shaking his head. “You silly man, I would have run upstairs and brushed my teeth, gargled with mouthwash, whatever you needed me to do if you had told me you wanted to kiss me! And trust me, I will definitely be eating a lot less gluten in the future!”

Jack figured that the last fifteen seconds had been long enough to wait, and so he ducked down to kiss Bitty again, only pulling back to say, “I really like you,” a few more times. They took a brief break to extract the pie from the oven and write a note warning the other Haus residents not to touch it, but it wasn't until they heard the sounds of Ransom and Holster thundering down the attic stairs that Jack stepped back, ran a hand through his hair, and said, “So, about that breakfast... How does Annie's sound?”

“Perfect! I think I'll have to try one of those gluten-free pumpkin muffins they're serving...” Also on ao3! https://archiveofourown.org/works/15632469

#zimbits #zimbits fic #check please #check please fic #my fic #my writing #Celiac!Jack

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qonqr · 5 years ago

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Fall Clean Up

Today I woke up an hour earlier than usual, and I awoke thinking about new code. I honestly can’t tell you the last time I felt like getting up to write code, instead of going back to bed. It must be at least a year or more.

For most of the past month, I purposely avoided writing much code for QONQR. Partly this was out of necessity. With the newly migrated server code, it is important not to add too much new code while waiting to see what was broken in the migration. Surprisingly, less broke than I expected. There was a multi-day scramble to fix some android subscription and PayPal receipt confirmation issues, but most of the other things were minor and took only a few hours to track down. The migration was far more stable than I anticipated. It is rare that 8 months of work is released all at once with so few issues.

Another very positive outcome (so far): the old mission server stopped counting launches, but the new one kept going. Hopefully we have seen the last of missions that get stuck.

The other reason for writing so little code was I needed a break from QONQR, as I alluded to in my previous blog post. However, I promptly overfilled that time with way too much other work. I coach a high school robotics team. Last week I took six students from the team on a 4-hour road trip to one of the largest tech conferences in the Midwest. There we put on an all-day camp where kids built small Raspberry Pi robots, using 3D printed and laser cut parts I designed. I spent much of my last month learning CAD, creating assemblies, writing robot code, and testing the parts and code our students would use to teach kids how to make robots. Like many entrepreneurs, taking a break doesn’t mean sitting around, but rather working on someone else’s problem. Working with the students to create a robotics camp was a chance to learn some new skills and accomplish new goals. The team is already planning our next camp this fall.

So today, the second day back from the conference, I woke with new energy. Energy for our community. I’m going to do my best to keep that forward momentum and try to spend at least part of every week working on community stuff. I firmly believe that the QONQR community is why this game has survived so long. More on that in a bit.

But first a word from our anti-hacker department (also me). If you use an app cloner, auto-clicker, root cloak, GPS spoofer, hit our API from your own software, or any other attempt to cheat or manipulate the information about your device, you will be banned. Stop emailing support asking for the account you used for 4 years be unbanned because you didn’t realize it was against the rules to clone the app so you can try to multi-scope. When you attempt to clone QONQR, you are decompiling our app and modifying it. Regardless if you think this is cheating our not because “Android makes it possible without rooting your phone”. You, the human behind the device, violated our terms of service and copyright. All your accounts are banned, not just the accounts on the hacked software.

As part of my “fall cleanup” tasks, I am finally moving our DNS. This process began yesterday and will take a week. Once complete, the old servers will be shut down, and everyone will be using the new servers. Please review my previous blog post for how that will impact the mobile clients. Here is the short list.

QONQR classic no longer supported

Android 4.4 no longer supported

Windows Phone, might break completely and won’t be fixed

Chat and sync lock mini-game definitely broken on Windows Phone

Another clean-up task that is long overdue is to take down the forums. If you didn’t know there were forums, don’t worry, very little good content has been posted in them for years. The monthly cost of the forums wasn’t painful enough for me to take action on them before and there was some good content in the forums that I was reluctant to lose. It wasn’t until I had to avoid QONQR code, that I could invest time in the old forums.

Over the weekend I was able to get a dump of the forums database. With several hours of database querying, I was able to identify nearly 24,000 spam posts, which was about 1/3 of the total content. This was the problem with the forums. It was impossible to create a good integration between the 3rd party forums and our player database. We tried once, it was expensive and broke with the very next forums upgrade. The forums were impossible to manage because we didn’t have good control of the users. In the end the forums failed because it was overrun by bad people. By the way, the creators of the forum software promote their “spam filtering” plugin, which I did have enabled.

Part of my invigoration this morning is that as I was going through the database, I saw the names of our very first players, with whom I spent hours chatting with on the forums. I saw suggestions for game features and advice given to fellow players who were struggling. I saw tutorials, art, stories, and invitations to meetup in person. I saw a connection to the broader community that I haven’t had in a long time.

I want to have a new forums site. One that we fully control. Forums where you can only post if you have launched today. Forums with abuse systems that allow the community to self-manage poor content, and consequences for behaving badly. I dream of players gaining reputation for having a positive effect on the community, and points for helping fellow players find solutions to their problems. I want those who give substantial positive impact in the forums to have recognition for that in the game.

This is a huge effort, one which I am reluctant to undertake with the other goals I had hoped to accomplish this year. However, the prospect has me excited and I want to capitalize on that energy, which I haven’t had in a very long time. Will we have new forums this year? I doubt it. Maybe we will never have the forums I want. However, I’ve been reminded that our community is key to QONQR’s success and will try to spend a little time each week on community initiatives.

If there is anything you want off the old forums, grab it this week. I have an archive of the forums and will be saving the fan art, fan fiction, and other stuff worth keeping. Not sure what I will do with it yet. Don’t post anything new in the forums, I won’t be pulling a new snapshot.

Sometimes you need to go back to the beginning to find your way forward. Thanks for being part of QONQR. Thanks for making an impact.

-Scott (aka Silver)

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kissyhsx · 7 years ago

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LARRY FIC REC: College AU Edition

A short little fic rec cause I’ve found some gems this last few weeks. Feel free to ask about any Larry fic you can’t find or any suggestion or any fics you can recommend me!

1. let me be your goodnight (17k)

Harry lives with Gemma who happens to have the worst best friend in the world. The guy stays over almost every night, is completely messy and has bad manners that would cause Harry's eyes to roll so far back he sees his brain. Gemma leaves for a month, Louis moves in. Harry can't stand him and some way, they still end up sharing a bed almost every night because of a thunder storm that happened weeks ago. It doesn't necessarily mean they stopped hating each other, until it does. And if Louis has always had a crush on Harry, is his fault for not expressing it well and allowing him to think that Louis hated him in the first place.

2. the New Romantics (36k)

After being blindsided and dumped by his boyfriend Isaac, Louis does the only thing he can do: wallow and mope. But when Harry tells Louis that karma’s going to get Isaac eventually, Louis decides karma isn’t moving fast enough. He takes matters into his own hands, and if he has to drag Harry into his schemes and seduction plans, then so be it.

John Tucker Must Die AU featuring drunk dance sessions, bad disguises, and a seduction plan gone wrong.

3. can’t fool me (25k)

“I hate frats,” Louis repeats for what feels like the millionth time.

“Yes, I’ve heard, once or twice or every day for the past three years,” Liam says. His careful tone reminds Louis of how his mom always sounds when one of his siblings is on the brink of a tantrum.

Louis glances speculatively at Liam’s frat brothers, who are still huddled together and chatting, with the exception of the one who’s looking in Louis’ direction. Maybe Louis shouldn’t rule out a tantrum. While making a scene wouldn’t actually free him from fraternity nonsense in the future, it would at least be entertaining.

AU where Louis hates fraternities and would never be into a frat boy. And one of these things is definitely not a lie.

4. soft hands, fast feet, can’t lose (112k)

American Uni AU. Harry Styles is a frat boy football star from the wealthy Styles Family athletic dynasty. A celebrity among football fans, he knows how to play, he knows how to party, and he knows how to fuck (all of which is well known among his legion of admirers).

Louis Tomlinson is a student and an athlete, but his similarities to Harry end there. Intelligent, focused, independent, and completely uninterested in Harry’s charms, Louis is an anomaly in a world ruled by football.

A bet about the pair, who might be more similar than they originally thought, brings them together. Shakespeare, ballet, Disney, football, library chats, running, accidental spooning, Daredevil and Domino’s Pizza all blend into one big friendship Frappucino, but who will win in the end?

5. a match made in aisle three (everybody cut loose) (16k)

“Don’t feel bad,” Louis said. “You picked the machine that freaks out on customers more often than not. It’s not your fault it froze on you.” “Oh, OK,” Harry replied. “Glad it’s not just me, then.” “Yeah. Um, I'll move your stuff to one that works." "Wait, don't!" Too late. Before Harry could finish his request, Louis saw what Harry's purchase was – a giant bottle of lube. Awkward. So Louis did what he does best: made it even more awkward. “Big night tonight?” Idiot. Or, the one where Louis is a drama student/cashier who assists Harry in buying a bottle of lube, and is also the only guy that frat boy Harry has trouble talking to. Also featuring Sophia as stubborn matchmaker and Liam as accidental wingman.

6. pi time (16k)

Harry, 20. Less Than 1 Mile Away, Active 1 minute ago. I think when it comes down to it, I’m just looking for someone supportive. That’s all I really need in life. I know this is an app, but we can find people in all the most obscure places ☺ -H.S

Hot, hipster Harry from Tinder is nothing like Louis expected.

#Larry fic rec #harry styles fic rec #louis tomlinson fic rec #gay harry #gay louis #ao3 #Larry stylinson #larry #Larry fic #Larry stylinson fic rec #fic rec #fan fiction #harry styles #louis tomlinson #ziam #ficrec

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pagemichelle1992 · 4 years ago

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How Can I Grow Taller At 13 Sublime Tips

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What Do You Need To Eat To Grow Taller

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Keep your head held high will help you to grow taller a few weeks.Your height is also a well-known exercise practiced by the way, is extremely important for attaining this goal.If you're reading this you're probably one of the oldest obsessions mankind has.Among all the process of height by 2 to 4 inches.Food with carbohydrate and fats should be given for every routine exercise that includes jumping and stretching exercises that I bought, used for decades, and are even aware of this growth problem.

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#How Can I Grow Taller At 13 Sublime Tips #Increase Of Height

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a-deadly-serenade · 8 years ago

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Tag!

RULES: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you.

i was tagged by @ladywiltshire!! thank youuuu ;3;

1. Do you remember your first time watching or reading Fullmetal Alchemist? What was your first impression?

yes, because it was just this year lmao. i had known about fma for a little while, because two of my friends were into it. i especially recall one of them having icons of lust when we first met, and my best friend (who is also my roommate) has a shirt and the first volume of the manga. we were binging random animes one night and he suggested that we watch the first episode of 03. i just kept making fun of it the entire time, especially after ed’s shirt tore while he was fighting father cornello and just,,,, “hi my name is edward. i’m 15 years old and i’m SHREDDED AS FUC K” good times.

2. Tell us about The Fave™.

i’m assuming we’re still talking about fma so....

the greedy boy is my fav (dam i know,, no one could have guessed). i don’t really know how it started tbh, because i don’t feel as though he left a huge impression on me after i finished 03. although, i do recall looking up pictures of him one night shortly before i started brotherhood and saw his second form and i was we AK. i had always had a thing for guys with long, dark hair so i saw greedling and i was shook. i think i ended up spoiling some stuff for myself (such as his death and that he was reborn, obviously) but i started brotherhood anyways. when i saw ling for the first time i was like, “ohhhh you’re the one who gets possessed. okay.” and when it finally happened it was LIT.

i don’t know, brotherhood was such an amazing experience watching it for the first time, and it made me appreciate so many characters a lot more than 03 did, and i feel as though i really connected to greed. he’s an asshole, that much is obvious, but i think what really stuck out to me was the scene after he killed bido and ling made him realize the severity of what he had just done.

personally, it’s very difficult for me to express how i feel towards people that i am close with. i have friends that tell me they love me all the time, and i often find myself simply nodding or giving them an awkward smile whenever they convey these sentiments. it makes me uncomfortable accepting or even coming forward with intense feelings like that, which is how greed tended to handle these complicated aspects of his relationships as well. i’ve always kind of gravitated towards characters that appear p awkward in the emotional department.

we even handle coming to terms with these emotions pretty similarly. greed bottles all of these sentiments up until it finally crashes down on him during the final battle with father as ling recognizes what exactly it is he’s craving during those last moments. all he ever wanted was friends, people that genuinely cared about his wellbeing and would fight to the death to protect him, which is what makes him act to reckless and in the end, results in his death.

i guess one could call this pretty self-destructive, but it’s something that i am guilty of. i keep stuff bottled in because i’m afraid of the outcome, or how certain people would react if it ever came out. which is what often leads me to have very severe breakdowns, especially during a night of heavy drinking.

he’s also self-conscious about his appearance and i’m like,,, bitch me too, the fuck??

i dunno. there are certain characters that i will really cling to, and greed is one of them. he’s just such a good character, and has honestly helped me a lot recently. whenever i have surrendered to the zone™, i know i can turn to fma:b, and especially greed, to make me feel better. i dunno. he means a lot to me.

3. Do you have a favorite fan work? Fanfics? Comics?

if we’re still talking about fma, then, i know this is a copout answer, but all of the fan art i have seen from the fandom has been really great, and i appreciate all of it!!

for other things, there was this pokémon comic i read awhile back that was based on someone’s nuzlocke playthrough, and it was really funny and art and story are p good too! check it out: http://nuzlocke.com/index.php

and there’s also this winx club fan comic that is taking place with their kids, called “almost magical”. the author, Chocolatesmoothie, has been working on this for years and the character designs are absolutely amazing! what’s she’s written so far is great, so i highly recommend it (even if none of y’all even know what winx is): http://almostmagical.thecomicseries.com/comics/first

4. Hit me with an analysis/opinion you have on the series or characters!

uhhhhhh i guess giving an opinion on the show would be easier for me

so, i guess you could picture me a few months ago, having just finished 03 and finding the ending a bit of a let down. i was a bit hesitant when starting brotherhood because i remembered the drama it had initiated at my high school lunch table full of fucken nerds, and how they had absolutely hated what they had watched of it. it wasn’t until i had gotten to episodes that were completely knew to me (i.e. 15) that i realized, hot diggity damn, this is actually really good. i finished brotherhood relatively quickly (about two days), and started to delve more into the lore and the characters, because i basically loved everything about the series.

the story was one i had never seen before, and i adored how much care that arakawa put into all of her characters. it was especially refreshing how great all of the female characters in the story were, and how none of them were fetishized or used as cheap plot devices in any way; not even the epitome and lust and sexual desire was sexualized which is some gooooood shit, if i do say so myself. the world that she had built was rich and interesting, and no episode of the show had been dull to me, even ones where things took a little step back (i.e. 27 that’s literally titled interlude party).

the much faster pace that a lot of people complained about, honestly reminded me of the one of the biggest gripes that fans give to sailor moon crystal. however, i much prefer the faster pace, since it makes it closer to the original manga and cuts out of this unnecessary bullshit. i remember going through random episodes of 03 again and being in the 20′s, and i saw hughes in the opening, and being so confused as to how they had dragged out his death for so long. the impacts of events that take place in both versions of the anime still held profound effects on the characters, (maes’s death, nina’s transmutation, the discussions on winry’s parents, martel’s death, etc.) so it did not really bother me that maes dies so much sooner in brotherhood than 03. it still held great significance in the development of the characters of roy, winry, and the elric brother’s.

also the music is AMAZING. so good. i want to buy the ost someday. i was deadass jammin out to period while i was making my lunch today no lie. isso good.

5. Tell us about a project you have going on! Or if you don’t have one, maybe something you’ve always wanted to write or draw?

fma related, as of now, i’m finishing up the first part of a reader fic that i promised. i think it’s turned out p good. a hell of a lot longer than i expected it, but i feel good about it.

as for other fandoms, i’ve been in the process of writing this black butler fanfiction for months now and it has yet to be completed. i either don’t have the time to work on it, or i have no motivation to work on it, so we’ll see what happens lmfao.

something i’ve definitely been wanting to learn how to do is make really good gif edits because i keep hearing songs that would fit certain fma characters so well, and i just don’t have the capabilities to make them yet. hopefully someday though.

6. Favorite opening/ending number and why?

my favorite opening is definitely “period” by chemistry, and my favorite ending is what follows shortly after, which is “shunkan sentimental” by scandal. i have always been a sucker for really good guitar riffs, and the one that scandal has as their hook is just so good. mmmmmm. for period, the lead singer’s voice is an aspect i’ve always liked, he gets so passionate and it just works so well with the visuals that they’ve laid out on top of it--which are another part i’ve really liked about this duo.

with period there’s the big explosion that pride causes with his shadows as soon as the beat hits never fails to pump me up, and then there’s the fight with greed and wrath on the rooftop, and lan fan and fu being badasses, and hohenheim being all dramatic, and kimblee popping up outta nowhere to blow shit up, or when ed and al feeling as though they’ve been separated and that they’re all alone, when really, there are hundreds of people there to support them. it’s just... so good.

and with shunkan sentimental, with the transmutation energy flowing down the tunnels going to the guitar, or when ed’s team/greed team 2.0 show up and all look ready to kick some ass when the chorus comes around, and then there’s trisha and hohenheim being cutie pies, and winry making her way downtown with such spirit and purpose... eugh. such good songs. such good openings.

7. Tell me about a scene that really touched your or made you realize something about yourself.

a scene that almost immediately comes to mind is when greed kills bido, and it honestly becomes more and more powerful every time i re-watch the series. when ling finally manages to talk some sense into greed, the audience can truly see how tormented this realization makes him, and that someone who’s supposed to be so high and mighty, and have no other purpose than to strive for their ultimate self-actualization, literally breaks down because of what they had done to another person, a friend. he even goes so far to attack the man that he thinks is to blame, wrath, even when bradley is more than capable to taking greed down, since he was the one that captured him in the first place.

another scene i really like is when ed finally calls hohenheim “father” (even if it is stupid father), and then he travels to trisha’s grave to tell her what happened, before he dies with a smile on his face ;;

8. OTPs! Who are they? Why are you WEAK FOR THEM??

i’m just gonna stick with fma cuz otherwise we’d be here all day.

Royai → they deserve each other like,,, honestly. their bond and trust is so good. i literally screamed when riza got her neck slashed opened and then immediately started crying because she said that she wouldn’t die because she was “under strict orders not to.” bye i love them. and then roy acting like a pos, as though he’s talking to some random elizabeth flower girl when SYKE U FOOL, IT WAS REALLY I, RIZA ALL ALONG. and the constant joke where she has to save roy’s ass when he’s being overconfident in the rain. boi.... sit down.

Edling → ummm....two precious boys??? yes??? yes. this is a more recent one, and all the cute fan art that exists has only exacerbated my feelings towards them. they work so well together, and they support one another, and they’re just adorable bros. i dunno. they’re cutie beans.

Ed/Winry → (idk if they have a ship name forgive me) i was debating making this an ot3 with ling..... but i can talk about why these two specifically are v cute together. i honestly didn’t like winry that much when i first started, but then episode 22 happened. she’s very strong, kind, caring, smart, resourceful, and someone that had put up with ed’s shit for years. and if u didn’t at least crack a smile when ed did that whole “equivalent exchange” confession before he left on the train.... then u a dang liar.

Trisha/Hohenheim → *clutches heart* so good..... trisha was such a good woman. she saw hohenheim as a human being, as someone who deserved love, and deserved the children and loved ones that he had. she didn’t see him as the monster he constantly believed he was. she gave him hope, she understood him.... just.... so good. i love them.

i’ve also seen a lot of v cute art for ed/ling/greed or just ling/greed but idk if i ship them. they are v adorable though.

9. Funniest headcanon you’ve ever seen. Go!

well there’s the one i’ve seen floating around that bradley wears obnoxious hawaiian tshirts which is amazing.

and then kimblee’s garbage ass tipping his fucken fedora.... “m’lady”

my roommate and i have a personal headcanon for pride that instead of shadows, everyone calls them.... “twinkies” i have no recollection of why we decided this but it’s great.

10. What spurred you to join the fandom?

honestly, i try and stay away from the fandom of something i enjoy, because i’m worried about the cringe or nonsense that might happen. but my drunk ass had other plans and thus initiated all of my shit posts about greed. everyone has been really nice so far though!! and i’m even glad that there are still people even active on tumblr since i hopped on the fma bandwagon so late.

11. Definitely the same question… have a fandom meltdown here and tell me why you love your fandom or show/comic so much!

ladies and gentlemen, people of all ages, gather round, because i’m about to: overshare (:

when i first watched fma, it was during my month long winter break from college. i was so pumped to have an entire month to myself, and i had planned to do all of this stuff beforehand to keep myself occupied. finishing fma was one of my goals, and after i had finished brotherhood, i moved forward onto the next anime in my list which was k project. i got half-way through season 2 when i just... lost all interest.

i thought that i had just watched too much in too little time, so i decided to take a break from anime and instead try and pick up the sailor moon manga again, because it had been awhile since i read it. i got up to volume 6, and then stopped.

then i moved to playing smash or splatoon or even bayonetta, because if books and television weren’t keeping my attention, certainly my favorite games could, right? nope.

even the idea of turning on my wii u seemed so... pointless. it didn’t sound fun anymore.

at this point, i was feeling p drained every day and really bummed out. i was telling myself that i should not even think of self-diagnosing myself with some form of depression, but now that i can reflect on those last few weeks of break, i can come to the conclusion that i do have at least a mild case. i had brought up these feelings to my two friends (who had been clinically diagnosed) and told me that what i had experienced, were definitely indicators of a depressive episode.

around christmas is when i really started to isolate myself, and i hardly left my room. however, the cheritz team, the developers who make otome games, came out with a recent holiday dlc for their game mystic messenger, and that definitely helped me feel a lot better. i was finally interested in something again! but i was worried that once i had finished all of the routes, i would just return to that depressed state again.

as i was playing, i got tired of watching playthrough’s of games or even smash tournaments, so, i decided to put brotherhood back on again since i had enjoyed it so much. this time, however, i really took my time to enjoy every episode, and the week i spent revisiting the series, was honestly the happiest i had felt in awhile. it made me laugh, i appreciated the story and characters even more, and i definitely latched onto greed more-so during that time. he was the character i knew could make me laugh or smile, and i dunno, he means a lot to me.

i believe this is why i get to upset whenever someone tells me that they disliked brotherhood, or that they have not seen fma in general, because of how much it helped me, and how much it means to me. i understand now that i use it as a coping mechanism, and that (embarrassing as it might be) i often turn to greed especially when i’m feeling down.

there has been only one other show that i have consistently turned to whenever shit hits the fan and i need a good cheering up (robin hood bbc), so i really do mean it when i say that fma is special, and means a lot to me. it’s a bit bizarre how much of an impact its had on my life when i’ve only been involved in the fandom for about two months, but, it is what it is.

>>god this took so much longer than i thought it would im so sorry

I tag: @kamelothell, @harmonicsynchronicity, @sadlysweats, @silicia, @fabbyale, @astralsweaters, @xall4one, @mean-bean-machines

My questions (i made em as broad as possible since not everyone knows fma, even if that was the reoccurring theme sorry my dudes):

1. What fandom(s) are you most into right now?

2. Has said fandom(s) been involved in any drama lately?

3. Do you contribute to your various fandoms in any way? (fan-art, writing, videos, songs, photo edits)

4. Has any show/book/movie had any sort of significant impact on your life?

5. Which character do you feel as though you connect with the most? (from any of your fandoms!)

6. Is there one aspect about your favorite book/show/movie that you would like to change? Why or why not?

7. Is there one character that you absolutely cannot stand, whereas most other fans really like them?

8. Is there one ship that you absolutely cannot stand, whereas most other fans really like it?

9. Do you associate any songs with any of your favorite characters?

10. Which fandom have you been apart of the longest?

11. Would you say that you’ve had mostly good experiences with other fans? If not, then why do you think that is?

#fma #stuff im tagged in #this took so much longer than anticipated omg #that's prolly because i overshared tho #:)#i also did not tag 11 people because i feel like i annoy people with these #and i only tagged those i knew would not get upset at me so #here we are

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