#* WHAT A WAY TO SAY IM ALIVE NOW
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writing fic is like exorcism. Tbh
#way I write is really unhinged#it takes me like two nights to write a one shot#during those two days and nights im consumed entirely by the ship or whatever#like I cannot think of anything else at all#it’s concerning#and then as soon as it’s posted im like ok i can like do other things now until the next idea which takes another two days and nights and#eats my brain alive#like writing is actually bloodletting its exorcism#anyway i can feel something coming (lucanis rot again)#and im frightened……#and then ofc there are the overarching always on rot like these days it’s illario although I haven’t directly written him in like 2 fics…#maybe 4 fics ago was his last big one#and yet…#anyway what im saying is I am fully insane now.
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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FOR A BEAT OF HEART, THE BREATH IS SHOT. AND WITHIN A BREATH, THE HEART IS CAUGHT. THE PIPES ARE BURSTING, UNDER GREAT STRESS, BOLTS TORN ASUNDER, MAKING A MESS. A FINAL COUGH, A FINAL RETCH, A GOREY SLOUGH, CLAIMED BY WRETCH.
#cw gore#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#chip jrwi#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#I LLOOOVE POETRYYY I LOVE MAKING WORDS RHYME IN STRANGE WAYS AND DESCRIBING VISCERA AND VIOLENCE OR WAHTEVER. YKNOW WHAT ELSE I LOVE#CHHHIIIIIIIBBOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL MAAANN WWHAT. WHAT HAPPENED. OH MY GOD. IVE BEEN SAYING FOREVER. I NEEED CHIP TO GET SCARIER.#HE HAS THE POTENTIAL! I KNOW HE DOES! HAUNTED BOY WITH THE HAUNTED EYES WHAT TRAUMAS HAVE YOU SEEN? AND WERE THEY YOUR FAULT? THINK ABOUT I#EVERY FAMILY HAS CRUMBLED AROUND HIM. HIS BIRTH FAMILY CRUMBLED BEFORE HE KNEW IT. HIS SECOND FAMILY DROWNED. THIRD BURNED TO THE GROUND#AND SHALL THIS NEXT FAMILY JOIN THEM? CHIIIIP YOU UNFORTUNATE BOY YOU HAVE WITNESSED SO MUCH CALAMITY#YOU ARE CALAMITY BOYYY AHAHAHAHA DONT YOU SEEE!! ZOMBIFIED AND DEAD. TRUELY MORE HAUNTED THAN EVER BEFORE. THIS WILL BE FUN#THE FIRE HURTS WHEN IT BURNS TOO LONG. BUT NOW YOUR NERVES ARE DEAD AND YOUR MIND IS FREE. BURN THIS CORPSE AS YOU WISH TO GET WHAT YOU WAN#CHIP IS NOT THE FIRE HE IS THE MATCH. I LOVE THAT IDEA SO MUCH IM SO PROUD OF IT. OHHH AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE CORRUPTION#bizly mentioned that chip wants to be a good captain. in his most corrupted state however. he would be the BEST captain..#thAT DOESNT MEAn hes gonna just suddenly be all controlling. the BEST captain keeps his crew safe. keeps them together. keeps them alive.#and chip is doing just that! he doesnt need to stop being a good captain just bc of the corruption! he just needs to be the BEST CAPTAIN#AND THATS SUBJECTIVE BABY!! im so excited to see where chips zombie arc goes. neeeed him to get scarier and just a little more fucked up.#neEED HIM TO PERFORM ABHORANT ACTIONS THAT HAVE JAY N GILL GOING ' dude woah what the fuck...'#RIGHT I SHOULD TALK ABT MY ART TOO. this one took TOO LONGGGstarted out witha sketch how did it end up like this...#the heart and the blood KILLED ME. LOOK AT MY RENDERING LIKE HWAAATT#better not see any more mistakes after i post this.... i cant fight withit anymore....STILL RLY PROUD THO..#I WAnted to make it visually LOOK like the grossest vomiting sound possible#i want it to make your throat feel uncomfortable. am i achieving that? i hope i am. thats tubes dude!!! like cmahn!
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OC !
#my characters#i missed her so much wowee#her name is katale and thats what she goes by EXCEPT her best friend (and ex boyfriend and boss) who gets to call her kitty#hes just like the all around best guy in her life and she loves him a whole lot#and even though they broke up they have a very loving friendship and shes like#oh i would absolutely kill for him and in fact i am VERY good at killing im honing my skills :3#and her family is actually just a bunch of criminals and the only reason the other guy gets involved#is bc he needs fast money to help his mom with hospital bills and so hes like hey my mom doesnt need to know how shes alive#and then he somehow becomes head honcho and is a rumored to be ruthless man#but hes just incredibly level headed and able to think his way up (and kills a few unpleasant family members for kitty)#and if shes running out and about you can even hear him say shit like#my wife left me i miss my wife#and everyone knows he means katale but no one knows how to react bc its clearly a joke (???) since they broke up#but no one is telling their boss to elaborate the wife situation#kitty however is the entire reason that she gets this lil puppy of an agent to not kill rudyard her dear boss#and somehow they adopt this grown man and also his really weird mentor who faked their death#but they love their puppy son boy agent man#and kitty is super happy to dote on the agent but even she has her lines like WHY DID YOU JUST HAND HIM A GUN#RUDYARD HE TRIED TO KILL YOU LIKE LAST MONTH WHAT ARE YOU DOING#and rudyard is just ??? can i NOT shove a gun into his hands now? what is that? a crime? really? gonna tell on me? a criminal? for crimes?#but genuinely it stresses her out bc she loves her adopted son but loves her best friend and eventually she realizes#ok puppy agent man is loyal to them but not a criminal thats ok#while rudyard is like ... passing him guns to try out as a bonding thing#but also he is fascinated with how good the agents aim is like hey kitty you should watch how far he can shoot perfectly#hey kitty remember all those dead underlings and how precise their kills were to make them not suffer this guy is really good#also for what its worth ruds mom is still alive! shes just in a nursing home now and he goes to visit her#kitty and rudyard have such a fun dynamic to me and both are murderers but its okay (its not)#also kitty likes anime and she has forced rud to watch anime with her and he just accepts his fate#bc it makes kitty happy to share so he will watch to make her happy even if he doesnt understand all the appeal
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my honest reaction
#once again the trailer just kind of makes me feel nothing but confusion at why theyre doing things the way they are#why is gerald still alive. even if it turns out to be time travel or him being frozen alongside shadow or something#it still takes away a lot of the emotional impact of shadows story ... why .....#the fact that theyre just seemingly having gerald be rouge's replacement in the dark story trio too???? what. thats stupid .#and speaking of rouge. where are rouge and amy. ive never seen a single good argument to justify their exclusion here#why is the only girl character from the games whos present the one who famously dies horribly for male characters' motivation#(to be clear im not saying the way maria's death is handled in the games is bad writing or anything#just that having her be the only girl character to have a movie counterpart is certainly A Choice.)#and. why are team sonic (and human characters associated with them who are supposed to be the good guys) working with gun .#gun literally does nothing but cause problems for sonic in sa2 ?!?!?!??!?!#even if it does turn out theyre not being completely honest with sonic about what shadow's whole deal is thats still. why ...#i wasnt expecting an exact recreation of sa2 but that doenst mean i have to be okay with every possible change they make either#especially when a lot of this stuff just actively makes the story worse. sa2 im so sorry they did this to you#honestly probably wouldnt bother me quite as much if this was a comic or tv show or something#and not . a big popular movie that is probably going to overshadow the game in a lot of peoples minds. ughhhh#also shadow has still only had a couple lines so maybe its not fair for me to say anything just yet#but i dont . really like how he sounds from what we've heard .. why did the ycast keanu reeves this sucks#idris elba as knuckles is starting to annoy me too tbh . like i didnt care for it at first but then it grew on me#and now im back to not really liking it . that is NOT knuckles#anyway. im honestly struggling to understand how so many fans of the games are uncritically excited about the movie ?#and dont have any problem with the writing choices being made here.. ?#do they just not care how shadow's story is portrayed as long as he looks cool doing it .. ?#im not saiyng the people who are excited are fake fans i just . dont get it
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hot take? i don't think blurryface is going to be "defeated" by the end of the lore. he might be the villain of the story but at the same time he's a living part of tyler as well. i think they'll win, but not completely eradicate the existence of blurryface. they might suppress him, or learn to peacefully coexist with him, or outgrow his influence or whatever - that's the "managing the tension" part. we also have to keep in mind that tyler is still struggling to some extent with his insecurities and vulnerabilities (though he's gotten much better ofc) and i think that aspect will be reflected in his art.
besides, they've said that some people might not like the ending, which insinuates we won't be getting a perfectly hunky-dory happy ending. i also don't think tyler is the type to give this kind of story a sunshines and rainbows type of closure.
the core message of twenty one pilots, although it has certainly evolved over the years, is that it's fine to be not okay, but you must fight for your survival. i think that the lore ending will leave us with the message that broken as we are, we have to stay alive AND push on through - and before you know it, you'll be in a much better place than when you first started.
#i feel like ive said this before so apologies if it sounds repetitive#i just had to get it out#and to add#i was in a godawful fucking state when i first started listening to tøp#but i am doing much much better now#i have friends i have a job i graduated i function fairly normally in life#but that doesnt mean my blurryface is gone#i still struggle and some parts of me feel perpetually broken#whats comforting though is that my ability to regulate my feelings and life have gotten much stronger#sometimes i do feel like ive relapsed and its terrible#'ive been praying for my elasticity to return to the way that it was'#but when that horrible moment passes i realize that i actually have become better and stronger#i keep myself alive and push on through#im still working on learning to lessen the burden i put on myself#and coexist with my blurryface#but i am getting somewhere#sorry for babbling and venting but what i wanted to say is that#i relate to where the trench story is going and itd make sense for blurry to still be there by the end of it all#just with less power over tyler#tøp#twenty one pilots#clancy#blurryface#my god these tags be so long lmfao
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"do you miss kissing?" is a bonkers line to say to your newly acquired ghost friend as you're dying of hypothermia ily charles rowland
#dbda#i keep thinking about his passing scene and milky way playing in the background good lord#and another thing the way it played out on the show... edwin could have saved him it took the boy at least a day to die come on#see why im stuck here i have so many questions and the fuckers are keeping all the answers for unreleased seasons#all the closure i can get are tumblr posts#another thing im thinking about: the last scene is charles literally flirting with edwin. and the director said he wanted Desire to be in s#so many possibilities#but mostly the questions aren't even about the relationship stuff#they set up so well so many conflicting character drives#lets take charles as an example he wants to be alive and he wants to be a dead boy detective#(says many times that that's his reason for being in fact).#now what if they fuck this narrative up and in season two they never give him a chance to be alive again#(and subsequently not a dead boy detective anymore)#what if they never explore the implications of his wanting to be good and believing to be bad:#'it doesnt matter if I don't feel the kiss'#potentially hurting people by mistake likewith the bell or with a possible poor handling of crystal/edwin feelings#his parents still being alive#see this would all be solved if only i had another eight episodes ready to watch and instead i get no answer
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Oh we are so BACK
When I tell you I saw this and died. HELLO?????
I keep hiding my face lahshjsdhjgfsaf HE HAS NO RIGHT. NO RIGHT AT ALL BEING THAT SEXILY INTENSE AAAAAAAAAAA
Anyway, I should probably try to make some attempt at describing the event since. If I don't I'll just be barking/crying/hiding my face for the next twelve hours.
Basically--and I'm not sure this is going to be across the board, but it held true for Napoleon and Sebastian at least--each suitor has a birthday event this year instead of a separate story. Comte's won't be released until tomorrow, but they have posted a preview.
From what I gather, he talks a little bit about himself and reveals parts of his past that haven't come to light in the game yet. There wasn't really enough to convey a coherent narrative beyond attending a party, but the line displayed here does get across the larger theme:
Comte: (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.)
He talks about how the aristocracy have thrown parties and extravagant celebrations for his birthday for most of his life. But none of it has ever really made him happy, largely because he knows that they are attempts to strengthen and broadcast power relations within high society. While I don't think he means it's entirely devoid of well wishes, I do think he sees it as a nexus of influence--and thus, by nature, impersonal. And honestly, I don't think he's wrong about that; the higher the echelon in social standing, the more it requires performance to maintain the position.
That being said, there is a fascinating flashback where he remembers a pureblood telling him about how falling in love with a human is an experience of another caliber entirely. My understanding is that Comte was still a fairly young vampire at the time, so he didn't really understand what the person was getting at. It seems like the other pureblood was trying to convey the difference in feeling, perhaps the fact that humans are more grounded in accordance with how they live--the reality and necessity of change.
After reading this--and the recent 5th bday story--I can absolutely see how change is something Comte has a complicated relationship with. He's known a certain way of life for so long, has constructed a sensibility of distant, rational maturity. After all the heartbreak of his youth, and two very acute traumatic events in his life, I can see why he'd be so afraid of broaching any kind of proximity with another person. Because on some level it's so much easier not to put your feelings on the line, to never have to fear devastating loss. And that's to say nothing of the worry of being unable to measure up on behalf of another person, of letting them down.
I'm so excited to see the rest of the contents, but something about the preview made me equal parts giddy and enamored (all I do is kick my feet with excitement LOL). I think what gets to me with Comte is that he truly does love companionship as a place to rest, a place where he can be honest about himself and his feelings without fear of ridicule (and the same goes for MC). In a world increasingly obsessed with surface level performances of power, status, and emotion, it's hard not to feel his exhaustion to the core.
Also, because these lines at the end more or less destroyed me in the best possible way:
MC: ...The you who had nowhere to belong no longer exists. In much the same way...Abel, I belong to you. Comte: ... Comte: I wish I could say to myself all those years ago, the me who kept indulging in such paltry things. Comte: Until you meet MC, you will never know love... The warmth of MC in my arms filled me with such joy I was near tears. (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.) The moment my lips found hers, the sweetness lit a fire deep in my body. Comte: These cute lips that melt against mine, the heat of your skin, the love that envelops me in your embrace--always leaves me so deeply in love with you.
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp comte#ikevamp saint germain#ikevamp spoilers#LETS GO ABEL UNPACKING ALL THOSE COPING MECHANISMS#**pats the couch next to me** CONFIDE IN ME#but in all seriousness i really do love how raw his relief and happiness feels#to have spent all of those years trying to subsist on emotional crumbs and numbing himself#and mc is so real for just gathering him in her arms and holding him tight QUEEN MOOD!!!!#i really really really love that general recurrence in his stories too#of how he always feels so isolated and out of place even when he's surrounded by people#yet all it takes is mc saying 'you belong to me--just as I belong to you. you're never truly alone :>'#to make him both overjoyed but also unhinged with so much love for her--to feel alive#also man........MAN.....#him looking back at who he used to be vs who he is now#im so caught between memeing like 'you know what that is? growth!'#but also lowkey weeping from the fact that he feels loved enough to look back and fully admit it wasn't quite happiness#that he was just surviving the only way he knew how--not really living#ABEL THE THINGS YOU DO TO ME#CMERE LOVER BOY#comte propaganda#fangdad propaganda#baguettosaurus#literally october was always my favorite month but its even better now that it just becomes a comte-loving festival for me#truly all the joys of monsterfking all tg
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Thing is how likely is it that Mizi and HyunA are still alive right now? or more realistically, aren't in captivity. Last time we saw them HyunA was injured and they were hiding. (in a not very secure place might I add)
Although HyunA was only shot in the arm(?) it might take her a bit to recuperate, and even 10 minutes wasted will give the MANY guards I assume are swarming the place enough time to find and either detain them or KOS. How fast could Dewey and Issac get to them in these circumstances? (especially since--well I'm not saying the radio is broken per se but if a drop of blood gets on that thing it's game over for them I'm afraid).
And now what, since I assume they're pretty much stuck there according to the map I think there isnt much of another other way they can get out without passing main/populated areas and taking a huge risk so are they just going to be on the run around the whole place with only a gun to protect themselves? I'm nervous for them to be honest, especially hyunA in particular.
I was hoping the (technically?) main character privileges would be in their favor....and it IS pretty early to make assumptions like this. However, this is Vivinos and Qmeng. anything no matter how unexpected (to an extent) can happen. Given how the latest rounds timelines are stretched out months(?) in between even if Mizi and HyunA are still somehow alive and not under custody by then they definitely won't be in good shape to intervene with round 7. Something else ought to happen. So for now I'm ruling a "round 7 intervention" halfway off of the table until we get another hint (Unless Dewey and Issac will finally properly come in for R7 or something? eurghhh)
#alien stage mizi#alien stage hyuna#alnst mizi#alnst hyuna#alnst#how likely is it that hyuna is still alive right now- *convulses and dies*#orr/???? Hyuna and Mizi find Till on the way and he saves their asses? Till save their asses...save their asses...#but they have to make it out of this alive they have to#oh wait#likliness of luka intervening? 0 percent okay lets move on now#tldr: brain rotter has a doubt moment and makes it everyone elses problem#oh i know. ivans still alive and he'll come save them while he's escaping-#all i know is SOMEONE has to be out there to save my wife or damn it all im grabbing him through that screen#but just in general. when hyuna says she'll find her peace one day. im wondering how she'll find it what does she mean by that haha?#alien stage
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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so fucking busy the rest of the year. being alive is awesome :]
#i have 4 classes this semester and 2 of them r music relateddd i love my major#my financial aid package FINALLY PROCESSED after like 7 months lol#so i just have to figure out disbursement#i have surgery in october to have a hysterectomy and oophorectomy#and then i am gonna be out of work for 4 weeks (but still doing classes lol...)#and i have 2 more cohorts to facilitate#and a training video and some projects to pull together#and a brainstorm session tomorrow#and im going to a baseball game for work on thursday!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!#and if my finaid is as much as theyre saying it will be my rent for the rest of the year is paid#which would mean all my paychecks can go directly to#medical costs and other bills n savings#which puts me so fucking closer to moving out next year#if i play my cards right i can pay all my debts between now and march/april of next yesr#and then i will be able to fucking!!!!!!! move!!!!!!!#wait guys im emotional i had a shitty medical procedure i had to endure as part of pre op a d#literally in the last hour im back to feeling so fucking energized#ohhh my gd i love being alive please please please lef this work out#im gonna stART PLANNING W MY FRIENDS FOR A SPRING TRRIP NEXT YEAR?#AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! maybe even planning another trip w 19 bc i saw a cool cabin to stay in LMAO#just. yells. oh my gd#please please let this work out even 50% of the way of what it looks like it could be
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JUMPING UP AND DOWN!!,,,!!,! I DREW!,!,,,!!!!,,
yo cuando mujeres sobrenaturales
#So like… I don’t know how to explain what I just did#Basically She is. Um. Benevolent shapeshifting entity#She is a giantess (ig) and she takes a stroll around the world in a constant loop#Everyone sees her differently. Everyone has a unique sight of her. No one has seen the same version of her#By the way her name IS She. I’m not motivated enough to make som up.#Anyway as I was saying uhhh yeah so#She’s basically a concept materialized into reality#She isn’t like a normal human at all. Her skin is elastic (almost like that black goop that ppl thought was solid until som time ago)#((I can’t find or remember the name of the black goop I’m talking ab. imma look so weird. But I swear it exists 😭))#(((GOOGLE ITS NOT FUCKING OOBLECK ITS WAY MORE SPECIFIC THAN THAT FUCK YOU)))#Also uhh back to the main topic. She is going to be eaten alive by men#Kind of like Gulliver and the liliputians#PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IM TALKING AB ISNT NICHE AND THAT I SHOULD BE LOCKED UP 😭#I had a Lilliputian dictionary when I was a kid…#ANYWAY ughh I keep getting distracted#Honestly that’s kind of about it as of now#Also I’m debating if all of her forms should be completely naked or if they should maybe have a little clothing accessories#I’m mainly debating this bc of things such as hijabs. Burqas. Niqabs. Etc.#They should also be included in the beauty thing right? But it’d be inconsistent world building for She’s concept maybe?#She is only her liquid form. Where would she get the clothing articles? And how would they fit her gigantic size?#Well. Whatever. I can do whatever I want and bend rules however I want. If She goes fully naked or wears something it’s her choice.#There’s a lot more stuff I want to mention but it’s whatever#traditional art#Pencil art#concept art#story wip#Women
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#i need a good reason to not kill myself because the world feels so fucking hostile right now and theres nowhere i can go to safety#my bank account is Seven Hundred And Thirty Dollars in the negatives. i have bills coming up this week. i have no hours at my job#i went to a job interview yesterday for fucking taco bell THATS how desperate i am. and im not even 100% sure if im gonna get it or not#and if i do get it my life will be miserable and i wont have time for anything else in my life im like actually terrified#i have so much Trauma from shitty unstable jobs for my whole adult life that it just feels painful to think about#i cant afford to live i cant afford to be homeless either#i should just die like genuinely im at the end of my rope i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this#im so stressed im so overwhelmed its so difficult to work on art because of this#my life is actively crumbing away beneath my feet the last thing i want to do is draw pictures#but i have to. i have no other choice i Have to#the world is better off without me in it OBVIOUSLY. like all i hear about constantly is how much trans people dont deserve to live#i shouldve considered this before i decided to be born the way i am#i never asked to be born into this. i wish i never was. i wish i wasnt alive right now#i dont want to live i dont want a life i dont want to keep on going if its just going to be like this all the time#i hate feeling this way because of MONEY. I HATE MONEY. MONEY ISNT REAL UNTIL IT IS REAL AND THEN ITS EXTREMELY REAL.#money is only real for poor people and thats what ive learned in my time on this earth#btw im not okay and nothing anyone can say to me will make me feel better because theres no fucking point in anything#i got denied for food stamps and welfare also btw lol like im doing everything i can to improve my life but everything sucks and is hard#and i dont have a safety net and im falling and falling and falling and im about to splat hard on the concrete#i have to do laundry and clean my room and make breakfast and work on art and all of that while knowing i cant pay my bills#i dont know why suddenly it feels impossible to do fucking anything. like theres no other choice but to suffer#it feels like the world is ending and Yes im having a catastrophic breakdown right now and i just need to shout into the void#i'll feel better after i eat but i need to get dressed first and i have no clean clothes so i have to do laundry#but i have to collect my clothes off of the floor and i have 0 energy bc i havent eaten and im stressed and fucked up#UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DIES#things could absolutely be worse right now but this is about as bad as they can be before that happens. lol
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liking d-ne in high school into liking tenshi as an adult they have basically the same hair style. i know this bc i stole d-ne's hair style (re:added bangs to mine that really all i had to do) but i made the sides different lengths just to see if people would comment on it. and then u have tenshi thats Exactly That just longer than mine. anyway thats a long tangent to say my type is clearly unwell pretty girls
#i hate drawing tenshi around other people bc if i get the 'is that u' question idk how to answer it#its not but u cant tell without color i guess.#im so tired none of these thoughts are connected. to you. or me. im also struggling to inderstand them.#i would say put d-ne & tenshi in a room together & see what happens but i think tenshi will not be coming out alive#now d-ne and mafuyu on the other hand. that i want to see. that could get so messy in such a fun way.
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6, 11, and 19- UHHHHHH any of them that vibes these questions! <:"Dc
afternoon lori!! thank you for the ask :D
6. Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is?
Caine-
taking advice: chen. without a doubt its chen. caine would question him or argue if they dont understand why hes giving the advice he does, but at the end of the day, he trusts that chen has his reasons, and that those reasons make sense.
refusing advice: hmmm,,, significantly harder to answer tbh. caine is pretty accepting of a lot of avenues of information. maybe hollow ground? so far hes been extremely suspicious of the kingpin, Especially after almost getting threaded. either that or regina, but would she even survive long enough to give them advice???? shes the only person so far they actually want revenge against.
Cyrus-
taking advice: anathema. too bad hes dead. nobody to stop cyrus now.
refusing advice: id say chen, purely for "fuck him, he wouldnt piss on me if i was burning" reasons. hed be way too suspicious of any 'advice' chen gives to act on it.
Cecilia-
taking advice: ceci doesnt exactly do advice. more like suggestions. most of them come from ortega, not because she particularly trusts him but because most of his suggestions tend to be fun. ofc she also turned down therapy so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
refusing advice: daniel. for extremely petty reasons. even deciding to stay at his place was an idea she came up with, not him. danny has no Idea how much of a pain shes going to be now that theyre rooming together.
Cynthia-
taking advice: hollow ground. #justthreadedtingz😍🤪
refusing advice: the funny thing about cynthia is that she cares for the people shes close to, she just doesnt trust them, so this applies to a lot of people. definitely ortega because thats probably the messiest divorce i ever did see, but also dr mortum, because she doesnt think she would understand the situation shes in enough to give advice even if their relationship Doesnt completely fall apart when the puppet thing is revealed.
11. They’ve won the lottery. Spend, or save?
Caine- nothing really to spend it on. save, unless theres something he really wants to get his hands on.
Cyrus- could be useful in the future. save.
Cecilia- depends, does she still have her funds from thievery? if no, spend. if yes, pretend to spend it by showing off things she already owns to throw people off her track, then save it. or spend if theres something mundane she wants.
Cynthia- doesnt really like having big sums of money lying around. spend it on villain work.
19. Do they study before tests? Practice before job interviews?
Caine- i mean. does going into a rabbit hole of tangentially relevant information a week before count? not for job interviews though. they couldnt care enough about that.
Cyrus- duh. hes the person somebody would go to if they need notes or extra tutoring.
Cecilia- no, but if she cared about tests enough shed be a top student, and she usually manages to fly by on job interviews because shes pretty charming.
Cynthia- yes, but for school its because the subjects are interesting to her, while the job interview is for general "i want to get the job" reasons.
questions from here!
#pulp answers#ask game#once again i am obsessed with chen and caines dynamic with trust#but to elaborate a little more while sparing the rant#caine trusts chen enough to argue with him because they want to understand his perspective#theyd do a lot for him but he wants to know /why/ first- he doesnt want to act blindly for the sake of following orders#which is more than what i could say for some of their other relationships#if i had to say somebody alive for the “who would cyrus get advice from” question itd be dr mortum#hes smart+one of cyrus best friends+doesnt have any annoying moral hangups to get in the way of giving good advice#theres just a small little hangup of dr mortum getting extremely pissed at him for letting argentine get hurt but you know im sure its fine#OKAY BUT TO BE FAIR TO CYNTHIA#EVEN IF SHE WASNT THREADED#AS LONG AS SHE GOT THE PROTECTED STATUS SHED BE THE MOST WILLING TO LISTEN TO HOLLOW GROUND#potential big sibling???? who seems to care enough about her to protect her from their own mind???? who cynthia doesnt have to worry about-#-a big bad secret destroying their relationship over????? are you fucking kidding sign her up#hollow ground couldve had it All if they hadnt fucked it up first meeting by threading her#now its just a matter of time before that explodes in their face Again#something i find really interesting is that cynthia kinda. underestimates ortega and dr mortum? but not in terms of their abilities#more in what they would accept and understand. like she doesnt think they could ever really Get the things shes done yk?#which is why she keeps lying to them#all of my steps are already well-off to wealthy but still choose to live Like That (coughcainecough)#anyway! thank you again for the ask lori!#caine lynzal#cyrus becker#cecilia rider#cynthia garcia#sidestep#fhr
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ive joked about it before but man i really am the only person on earth who remembers the gun commander is a character that exists arent i . because the other day when the shadow panel was happening and the voice actors were talking about their characters and how they were eachothers only friend and maria was completely isolated from other people i was like What about the gun commander . and i havent seen anyone else point the contradiction out . lmao
#okay well i cant find a video of the full panel so i cant recheck that they said those things but i swear they did i remember hearing it#for people who never played shadow the hedgehog and dont know what im talking about#its shown that one of the guys whos currently in charge at gun lived on the ark as a kid and was close friends with maria#but he hated shadow because he witnessed his creation and it scared him and he always blamed him for marias death#and its NOT one of those extremely minor details only hardcore fans would notice either . its shown in the main story#to be clear i dont even care about the gun commander as a character. hes one of the sonic characters i care about the least#i just cant help but notice people always forget about him when talking about stuff related to the ark#(like saying that maria didnt have any friends aside from shadow or that her and shadow were the only kids who lived there around that time#or that shadow was the only person who lived on the ark thats still alive)#i mean hes one of those things that wasnt in sa2/sonic x and was added in later so i guess its fair a lot of people forget. but lmao#now im wondering if sega forgot he existed or if the current voice actors just didnt know he existed in the first place#i think the second option is probably more likely because from the way they talked#it seemed like they dont really know muhc about the sonic lore aside from what theyre told about for upcoming projects#so maybe the gun commander just isnt relevant right now so they werent told about him?
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