#(this isn't just me saying this. the host also points this out a few times early on and about a minute before it ends)

[mastersoftheair]

an interview with darragh cowley (portraying lt. glenn graham), who talks for some time (starting at 34:54) about the his experience working on MotA, including his audition ("the biggest audition of my life"), the boot camp, and his experience working with the other guys. interesting points include:

-the boot camp lasted two weeks, but it was during the height of covid19, "so they couldn't facilitate quite as a in-depth camp", so it was more like spending two weeks in a classroom ("the whole two weeks, we were those boys"). they practiced drills, marching, and exercising, "but we didn't have to camp or sort of, you know, be horrified or traumatized, if you will, like they did on "saving private ryan". no, you know, we weren't sleep deprived or we weren't, you know, made to survive on rations at all! it was relatively cushty."

-"i made a bit of a scene at the boot camp on the last day. i'd organized, uh, some beers for the military advisors and i'd [done] a little speech at the end for all the men, because we, you know, we did the whole thing in uniform–in costume, in character. the whole two weeks, you know, we were those boys…particularly by the end a bit, like, they were really encouraging us to live in our roles. so i made a bit of a scene, and made a big speech, presenting to captain dye, which will possibly be the best thing i've ever done in my life… and i think the director of the first four episodes (cary fukunaga), i think he liked that, and i think he picked me out for that".

-says he was of many other actors who were "basically told to improvise for a lot" and were initially given three weeks to film, but weren't necessarily told when those three weeks would start: "and then it would extend". cowley, tho, ended up on the job for nine months ("which was from start to finish"), finishing twelve days before the rest

-recounts how he was "really involved with all the boys" and made it a point to go out and meet everyone else during boot camp bc, despite being nervous, he wanted to be the friendly face for others that he would've wanted himself

-he'd "find out what squadron [each new boy was] in, and find their squadron, and introduce, you know, each lad to five, six, seven of the lads in their squadron"

-such actions earned him the reputation as the guy who "knew everyone's names"

-was quite candid throughout about how nervous he was about doing his portrayal justice, as well as his inner struggles as a working actor

[secriden]

*cracks knuckles* Okay lets talk about the elephant in the room: Style going to the support group for those who've suffered loss and telling what appears to be a fake story about losing his pet dog.

I'm going to point out a few things that I think provide a framework for Style's actions here. Not because I think it excuses what he did, but because I think a nuanced read is what the character deserves.

Point 1: An irresistible opportunity

The subs put the "Support Group for Loss" on the image in the notebook, but I'm not sure there's anything to suggest that Style would've known that was what this image represents until he showed up and saw the sign on top of the door.

In episode 2, Bison says, "He plans everything down from years, months, weeks to days" and then tells Kant:

So Style is literally just going to addresses/locations at given days and times, potentially not knowing what to expect. And as much as Fadel is certainly attending this meeting as a response to having that heartbreaking flashback (😭), this is also something he attends regularly and has planned to attend way in advance. So Style has no reason to think Fadel is attending this meeting because of a recent resurfacing of his pain.

What we, the audience, and what the characters know are very different things.

Now, should Style have turned his cute ass right around once he realised what this meeting was? Of course he should. But that wouldn't have been true to Style's character. We've been told by his best friend that he is "crazy" and been shown repeatedly that he lives right up to that description.

Style is impulsive. He's all base instinct and he acts on his desires without thought or contemplation. And by this point he is desperate for a deeper connection with Fadel. He's fascinated, captivated by the mystery that is Fadel and this is an excellent opportunity to finally see behind the wall Fadel so carefully maintains.

When Style sees the sign above the door, Style looks at the notebook (which, again, shows nothing but people sitting in a circle with the words RISE UP) like he's just realising what it means. He then gets this amused, almost rueful look on his face (like he's thinking "am I really going to do this?") before it shifts to determination and he walks through the door.

(My soul for the ability to once again gif something because FUCK Dunk is doing SO MUCH in this show!!)

To Style, this is just too good of an opportunity to give up.

Because let's be real, Fadel is so clearly lying and hiding something:

Fadel is shady as FUCK. He is simultaneously actually a really good cook (Style finally tries his burger so he knows, now), and also has the skills to work at a strip host club, and also can take on 3 guys in a fight, and also can break a man's arm with his thighs. Can you honestly blame Style for losing his mind just a little bit about wanting to get his hands on something, anything, to figure this man out?

Style is being absolutely consistent in his persistence to understand Fadel. This isn't about the car or about finally 'winning' the fight (thank you @airenyah for giving such a detailed framework to understand what Style's been doing until this point) anymore. This is about Style wanting to know Fadel himself.

Point 2: The potential implications of the setting

Now, what might give us a bit of insight as to why Style is this way? I have a theory (albeit one that could prove to be very wrong, but hear me out). I think this whole entire show is set in what could potentially be quite a small town/suburb.

There's a few things that make this theory plausible:

(1) Fadel and Bison are in hiding after Bison blew their previous cover. They're probably on the run from some section of the authorities and so it makes sense to settle in a quiet/out of the way place.

(2) Style seems to be really familiar with the people in the area. Like he grew up there and its the kind of small town where everyone knows everyone and everyone is in everyone else's business.

(3) Style is clearly the darling of the market aunties and uncles.

Style just lost her a sale and potentially a loyal customer, and she's still rooting for him? In episode 2, when Style asks the uncle to let him borrow his cart, it takes nothing but his word for the uncle to give Style his entire cart of produce for his ridiculous scheme.

Style is so clearly someone they all know well and have great affection for, and a very plausible explanation for this is that they all watched him grow up and the entire market (town/village) is fond of him.

And honestly?? Yeah, we see the way Style is actually quite sweet in that careless, guileless, thoughtless way. He goes the extra mile to fix his mistake with Fadel by replacing his car parts for free in episode 1. He helps out by taking orders in episode 2 without being asked and takes it seriously. In episode 3, he tries to drive more business to Fadel's store (bless him, he so clearly does NOT understand how restaurants work, but he MEANS well!!), and can we all acknowledge that it works?? He understands how to appeal to potential customers in the area because he knows the people there. It's not (entirely) his fault that Fadel wasn't remotely prepared for an actual rush crowd and Bison was off getting kinky with Kant and not doing his (fake) job. He is so clear about not judging Fadel's host job and tries his hardest to help him (to absolutely NO effect, but still) when the 3 guys gang up on Fadel.

Style is so loved and more importantly so very loveable.

Point 3: What this could mean for Style's character

So, potentially, Style is someone who grew up in a small town, who has been well loved, potentially spoiled and coddled, but also very much kept within the confines of the narrow viewpoint that a quiet, country town places on you.

It's in the way his dad scolds him as if he was still a child when he's at least in his mid to late 20s. It's in the way Style was so mad at Fadel for scolding him ("thanks for the lecture, dad"), like that hit a sore point for Style. It's in the way no one in the market takes him seriously; they're fond, but he's still a kid in their eyes. It's in the way he has an abundance of free time like he doesn't REALLY need to work at his dad's shop. It's in the way he sees Fadel beat 3 guys up with ease, starts wondering if Fadel is an assassin or a hitman, and is completely unfazed like he doesn't quite have a handle on reality.

It's in the way his best friend is a man who has no qualms about lying to him and putting his life in danger, and how Style seems to have no other friends or people (aside from his dad) in his life.

@wuxian-vs-wangji made a comment to me about Style being desperate for a meaningful connection, and I think she hit the nail on the head. Because along comes Fadel, a mysterious stranger with a suspiciously versatile set of skills who is also very hot and keeps giving Style these wonderfully complex reactions? Who sometimes wants nothing to do with Style, but at other times seems to be at war within himself about desperately wanting him? Who treats Style with anything but apathy?

This is catnip to Style; he never had any hope of resisting this.

Breaking news: Style is a complex and imperfect character...

Here's the thing, though: he was never going to try. The show has been incredibly upfront about who Style is as a person. Regardless of whether I'm correct about why he is this way (ie. that he is very much the product of the environment that didn't know how to handle a kid with Style's personality), episode 3 shouldn't have surprised anyone about Style. He's been incredibly consistent and true to himself.

He wants Fadel and he's "crazy" enough to go all in, no holds barred about it, and the Support Group was the biggest doorway to finally discovering something REAL about Fadel.

And its not just about sex or to prove his superiority anymore. Because if it was just that, then Style would have reacted very differently to their first time.

In this scene, Style is pleased and evidently enjoying himself, but he isn't exuberant. He isn't overcome with joy. If anything, he was more happy and excited when Fadel let him help out in the diner (I mentioned this in the tags in this post too) than he was when Fadel is literally fucking him. He lets Fadel set the pace; barely moves to touch Fadel except to hold him close. Almost like he doesn't want to accidentally mess this up, like he's worried he'll take too much, so he'll take what Fadel gives him and no more (please appreciate @braceletofteeth's amazing tags on this post). For a character that has been so aggressively on the offensive, this is shocking until you realise that sleeping with Fadel - while it's a step in the right direction - isn't Style's end goal anymore.

And he makes that abundantly clear in this episode:

Does Style even fully realise the weight of this desire? I doubt it. But I do believe that Style is in earnest. He doesn't fully understand his own feelings, but he also doesn't really care to either. All he knows is that he wants Fadel, wants his attention and his passion and his focus and his heart.

...but Style is also kind of, sort of, perfect.

Because he's exactly, precisely, breathtakingly exactly what Fadel needs.

Because Fadel is hurt and broken and bleeding inside. Because Fadel is barely holding it all together for Bison's sake, but has already given up hope for any true happiness for himself. Because Fadel can't trust anyone or anything in his life, when he's been used and used and used by the family who should've loved and cared and protected him.

Because it's going to take nothing short of this kind of unwavering, unshakable, uncomplicated determination to give Fadel even a chance of healing and opening his heart to love again.

[lassieposting]

Fic Concept:

Tali'Zorah is, if she does say so herself, something of an expert in galactic romance. Her omnitool hosts a 6 terabyte collection of romance and romcom vids from across the spectrum of known species, and after that much media exposure, she's fairly sure she's familiar with all the ins and outs of each culture's dating milestones.

She knows, for example, that family members have certain duties in a clan member's new relationship, in human cultures. As one of Shepard's closest friends, she also knows that the poor thing has no family to fulfil those duties for her.

Determined to see Shepard and Garrus's relationship turn into Shepard and Garrus's marriage, she starts handing out responsibilities to appropriate members of the Normandy crew. Shenanigans ensue.

(AKA the one in which Tali is convinced common romcom tropes are actually essential milestones in any human romantic relationship, and takes steps to make sure Shep and Garrus get to experience them.)

Ideas that made me horf:

- Wrex, as Shepard's oldest and closest (deeply violent) male associate, is enlisted to give Garrus the if you break her heart, I'll end you speech usually performed by the father, on a visit to Tuchanka. Maybe he absolutely knows Tali has misread this, and lowkey gives the speech over shots of ryncol, wheezing about how Shep would kill Garrus just fine herself. Maybe he has no idea this isn't an actual important human ritual, and performs his part with ceremonial gusto. Anyway, he does it, and somehow manages to be vaguely heartwarming about it anyway or gives Garrus some sign of approval.

- Mordin, as the oldest male friend on the Normandy, is tasked with interrogating Garrus at "Family Dinner". He does so, but very few of the questions he asks are actually relevant to the typical Meet The Parents dinner, and Shepard actually learns a few new things about Garrus herself.

- Joker volunteers to be "mom" and bring out the baby pictures to show Garrus. He doesn't have any pictures of Shepard as an actual baby, but he does have some funny or embarrassing ones from their time serving together under Captain Anderson he's been itching to share, and that's almost the same thing. She's more baby there than she is now, anyway.

- Tali strongly encourages Garrus to spend time "bonding" with Grunt. It's very important to make sure your future wife's child knows he is included in your new family unit, Garrus! An eventful trip to the zoo/museum/etc ensues.

- Bonus wedding chapter where Wrex is bullied into formal wear to walk Shep down the aisle; Jack paints Cipritine face markings on Grunt thinking they're Vakarian family markings and then sets him loose on Garrus's extended family, who are all very confused as to how this young krogan is apparently from Cipritine; Zaeed gives a hilariously inappropriate speech as Best Man and accidentally outs Garrus as Archangel in front of Aria T'Loak; Kasumi attempts to hook up with Jacob in a time-honoured tradition of inadvisable bridesmaid/groomsman couplings, and Mordin makes use of his STG training to break into the honeymoon suite to leave a tasteful gift basket of sex aids on the bed, because Tali has banned him from giving them in front of the guests.

Just. Interfering Interspecies Crew Way Off Base But Have Loving Intentions. And in the end Shepard is deeply exasperated, but also very touched by the effort put in by the people that love them, and honestly lowkey glad that they got to experience those cliche moments after all.

Bonus points: crewmembers who really do see Shepard/Garrus as family also trying to share their traditions with her/him. Like, if a krogan warrior convinces a fertile female to join his clan, that's a big deal and maybe the clan throws a huge feast and party to celebrate, so Wrex does that for them. Or maybe asari pass hereditary jewelry from mother to daughter to be worn at the first bonding ceremony to a beloved life partner, so Samara lends Shep hers to wear for the wedding. Shit like that.

[windvexer]

Heylo! I wanted to ask about your experience post initiation if that's alright .i recently did a tarot reading and got told that to please spirits in order to begin a good working relationship, i must contemplate and be ready to be Changed. there were lots of signs that it could lead to feelings of isolation, and otherness but it will lead me deep into myself (sry if this is too long.) i want to know if u went through something similar, or something else, and is it worth it personally for you. I would also love some pointers as to what I'm supposed to contemplate about. I don't mind the isolation but maybe I'm not understanding some key aspect of it. anyway thank you and i love your blog it's an irreplaceable resource for me. :)

Hi :)

Spirit-lead initiation into witchcraft is a controversial topic, I think in part because it can be very uncomfortable to discuss.

I have been relatively open on my blog that my initiatory experience was extremely painful and required a level of sacrifice and transformation that I was too immature to comprehend at the beginning of the process. Even now it's not something I'm sure I could articulate.

For me it was a process that lasted the majority of a decade. I think this is a relatively average timeline - which I just bring up because I think it's useful to point out that if you are facing the same sort of thing that I faced, it's not just going to be over in a few weeks or months.

Was it worth it personally for me? I don't know. Right now, my answer is that I love who I am and I like my life, and I wouldn't be who I am or have this life if I didn't go through that process. I used to say I'd never do it again if I had the choice. Now, a few years after the fact, sometimes I say I'd do it again. Maybe in a decade I'll think it was worth it.

It's my belief that the sort of initiatory process I, and others, have gone through, isn't necessary for most people to form a good working relationship with the spirits.

I believe that if you have the choice, you should very, very carefully contemplate initiation and only agree to it after a prolonged period of reflection.

So, what's there to contemplate? I dunno. Otherness on the path to spirit-working was a major part of my trip, so if we are kindred, here's maybe something to contemplate:

You are a boulder. You are a very nice boulder in the wilderness. You're composed of many varieties of minerals and metals. You are a gorgeous boulder, glittering in the sunlight, hosting a unique map of inclusions and ore veins unlike any other boulder in the world.

You sit high up on a mountainside. A few meters behind you is a river. Below you is a dry valley.

The waters of the river are pressing up behind you. They rush past you, sweeping by, continuing their eternal circuit in the mountain-range, but rarely trickling into the dry valley below.

One day, you gain an interest - as some boulders do - in allowing some of the water to trickle past you into the valley below. The secrets of nature will allow you to sometimes let water to lap up over your sides, and through narrow crevices, to water the plants you find to be most beautiful, and provide drinking pools for the little animals you hold most dear.

Little by little, the valley beneath you begins to change as you apply yourself to learning the secrets of nature and letting the water flow past you.

After some time, the water begins to whisper in your ear. It appreciates your interest in its flow - it likes your focus on the river. A deal can be brokered:

The river will dissolve only some of the minerals and inclusions that run through you, creating hollow tunnels. Through these tunnels, the water can flow much more easily and rapidly.

But there are conditions.

The conditions are that whatever is washed away can never be returned. How could it? What force in the universe could restore the crystalline structure within you once the waters have carried it away?

And, the river chooses which inclusions will be removed. The river is very wise in these matters; it knows better than anyone how water can best flow through any boulder. It isn't up to you to choose what leaves, and it isn't up to you to choose the nature in which the water will flow through you.

Finally, if you use the secrets of nature to ever stop the flow of water through the new inclusions, you are at risk of crumbling away. The empty caverns within you will dry up and leave you empty in places that should be whole.

The river asks you to contemplate and return with an answer.

Of course it leads you deep into yourself. The river is going to run right through you.

[intuitive-revelations]

I've got a kind-of crack theory about Ruby's mother...

Back in The Church on Ruby Road, Ruby is invited onto Long Lost Family, a genealogy TV program hosted by Davina McCall, with the hope of finding some information about her bio family. Unfortunately, they come up with nothing.

[ID: 6 gifs showing Ruby and Davina McCall talking to each other on the phone from The Church on Ruby Road. Davina apologies to Ruby, who tries to hide her upset at the news.

DAVINA: "There is no trace of your mum or dad. I'm sorry. It happens sometimes." RUBY: "No, that's fine... Thanks but, um, could you keep looking?" DAVINA: "No, there's nothing more we can do. If your parents aren't on some kind of database, we can't find them." RUBY: "Ok, um... isn't that unusual though? There's not a single trace anywhere? I mean... in the whole wide world, my mother's never left a blood sample or anythin'?"]

Now obviously, I know tracking down family is hard and, especially for orphans and adopted children, there's no gurantee that you'll be able to get the information you need. But I do find it odd there's seemingly "no trace" of Ruby's parents.

The section where I go on an odd tangent about genealogy

Speaking as someone who isn't a genealogist, but does enjoy researching family history in what little spare time they have... in my experience, close DNA matches aren't that hard to find. Especially if you're of white european descent, as Ruby is (presumably).

(It's generally harder for other ethnicities, as most research resources are white english/american focused. I know this is especially tricky for people like african-americans, where many of one's ancestors may have been enslaved. I've personally also found it tricky with Jewish communities as historically many of them used patronymic names prior to the 1800s, plus you have to account for immigration name changes, pogroms etc.)

For example, as someone who is white, with a mix of various british, mainland european, and ashkenazi ancestors, I actually have thousands of DNA matches, just from an autosomal test on Ancestry alone, let alone something like an mtDNA, xDNA or yDNA test:

[ID: Edited screenshot showing maternal and paternal DNA matches on my AncestryDNA profile. There are 16279 maternal matches and 9745 paternal matches.]

Obviously, due to the way family trees work, most of these are distant matches, however it does include plenty of close ones too, which I've been able to trace to real records and identify relationships with. Personally, my matches even already include many 1st and 2nd cousins, albeit usually a one or two degrees removed, especially as the userbase tends to swing older on these websites. This includes a few people close enough for me to have already known them from family functions and shared annecdotes. Meanwhile, where I did have blank spots, from immigrations, estranged family members, early deaths etc, I've been able to fill in a lot of information.

So what does it mean that there's "no trace" of Ruby's family?

Deliberate or not?

The big question I've had since The Church on Ruby Road is: just how untraceable is Ruby's family?

On one hand, I feel like if this was real life and professional TV genealogists were helping you, you'd get a bit more information than a quick phone call saying they've got zilch. If they're sharing nothing... do they literally have nothing?

On the other hand, this also feels like a writing shortcut. We don't really need 3 hours of Davina McCall sat with Ruby at a computer breaking down every question and theory about possible family members. Ultimately, this was probably just a way to quickly get some major exposition out there, plus throw in a Christmas celebrity cameo for casual viewers. The fact they only talk about Ruby's "parents" being in a DNA database, and no-one else, doesn't give me a lot of faith in the care for accuracy RTD took with this plot point tbh.

Indeed Davina does say 'it happens sometimes', which could indicate it's not as extreme as having zero close relatives...

...but Ruby also asks if it's unusual for there to be no trace of anything, which Davina doesn't answer. If we're asking that question, it sounds like things really could have turned up that blank.

It may not be easy for orphans and adoptees to find family, but I assume it must be quite rare to have zero possible leads? Especially if you're a younger person, and thus may have a good number of people of the right generation to know/remember your family members still alive. Worst case scenario, I can imagine having some leads, only for someone to be uncontactable, or lack the information that would be useful. That being said, maybe I'm being too optimistic, as someone who had the priviledge of never having as much difficulty.

The weird sci-fi parallel (TW: incest (kinda), intersexism)

This is where we get to my theorising. Because in a science fiction context, and specifically a time-travel one, there is one quite famous short story that has a protagonist with zero family connections: '—All You Zombies—' by Robert A Heinlein.

(Fun fact: "All You Zombies" is also the name of a planned Class Ongoing story, once I get the time to resume that.)

You may also be familiar with the movie adaptation: 'Predestination'. It's also seemingly the inspiration for all sorts of similar stories, from 'The Man Who Folded Himself' to Red Dwarf and Futurama.

You might see where i'm going from that last one...

(Again disclaimer: if you seek it out, that this story may be quite triggering. It also was written in 1959. While it's actually somewhat respectable of a trans (kind-of, you'll see what I mean - I'll generally use the pronouns used in the text below) protagonist, it includes sexism, intersexism bordering on medical horror, and selfcest/incest.)

In 1963 (funnily enough), a lonely, orphaned 18 year old woman named Jane has a sexual encounter with a man in a park which ends up leaving her pregnant. When complications arise, the doctor discovers during a successful caesarian she's actually intersex, with a form of ovotesticular syndrome, with her immature, partially developed organs "a mess". He removes the now damaged womb, ovaries etc and, without consent, 'rearranged things so that [they] can develop properly as a man".

A few weeks later, the baby is stolen from the hospital by a man.

Despite all this tragedy, they do decide to complete their transition, restarting life as a man. He struggles to find work, but eventually finds himself making a living selling fake confession stories to magazines as "the Unmarried Mother".

Years later In a bar, he tells his story to a Bartender. After it all, the Bartender reveals he's actually a time agent and offers the chance to see his baby's father again. He drops him off in 1963 to find the man.

Meanwhile, in 1964, the Bartender steals a baby from a hospital, and drops her off at an orphanage in 1945.

The Bartender returns to the Unmarried Mother a month later in 1963, just in time to see him leaving a lonely young woman he met with in a park...

"Now you know who he is", the Bartender says, "—and after you think it over you’ll know who you are... and if you think hard enough, you’ll figure out who the baby is... and who I am.” He drops the Unmarried Mother off in 1983, where he can be recruited by the Temporal Bureau.

The Bartender, Jane, the Unmarried Mother, the kidnapper, the Father, and the Baby are revealed to all be one person, a family tree onto themself. The perfect time agent, causally disconnected from the rest of humanity and thus safe from Faction Paradox - if they are truly human at all (possibly explaining their biological bi-sexuality).

Thus, literally, having no relatives.

NO, OF COURSE I don't think this is what's up with Ruby!

But...

A lot of people have suggested that the woman who drops off Ruby could be herself. Obviously this doesn't necessarily mean Ruby is her own mother - let alone her own intersex father, child, and recruiter too!

But the story did come to my mind watching the Christmas special, and I do think the less squicky side of it, the 'perfect time agent' angle is worth considering. Could Ruby really be causally/genetically disconnected from the rest of humanity? Could she literally have no close relatives?

Assuming her DNA is not taken from any other person, but some semi-random mix of genes, she really may not match with anyone. At most, she would have some distant false matches, who share very small portions of DNA with her just by statistical fluke.

"BUT", I hear you say, "Didn't she get rewritten by the literal butterfly effect in episode one? She must be connected to humanity!"

Yes she did. But you know else happened?

She was still there.

Seriously think about it. Time travel fiction often doesn't think about the full consequences of time being altered even slightly, especially for a gag, but think about it literally. If all of human history was changed and a whole new species, possibly descended from Silurians, became dominant on the planet...

... why would the Doctor still happen to be travelling with someone with a name beginning with 'Rub-' who looks like Millie Gibson? Remember her name comes from Ruby Road... so does 'Ruby Road' exist on Rubathon's Earth? The Church presumably doesn't, unless there's a lizard Jesus...

At the very least we can point to the Web of Time being particularly reinforced around Ruby for some reason, even after all the damage it's taken between Flux and now, letting Ruby persist into the new timeline. This is explicitly confirmed in the last episode, with the Doctor calling it a fixed point.

At worst, it may imply whatever 'designed' Ruby just needs her to meet the Doctor, no matter what the dominant species on Earth is.

Mind you, both of these do open questions about what happened in the timeline where Ruby was eaten by the Goblin King. Maybe targetting her after her birth left her temporally vulnerable? Or maybe it was a necessary event, to bring the Doctor to Ruby Road...

Add this to some other things we've seen this season:

In Space Babies, we're introduced to the concept of 'baby farms', allowing people to be loomed born without a parent.

We also know, at least, that Ruby registers as human to the TARDIS (though given Sutekh's influence, who knows how trustworthy that scan was now!).

In The Devil's Chord, Ruby is not erased by Maestro destroying humanity. Granted we can put this down to the Doctor/TARDIS, and how time travel effects people's biodata, but I think it could be a misdirect.

(Interestingly there was a very similar plotpoint in "City of the Daleks", the Eleventh Doctor adventure game, which saw the New Dalek Paradigm invading Earth in...1963. Unlike Ruby, Amy eventually actually does start to fade, needing a 'chronon blocker' to stabilise her. Hey remember how we just heard the word 'chronon' used a bunch in the show.)

In Boom, the Ambulance is entirely unable to find a next of kin for Ruby, despite seemingly having her in its records. This is a little hard to dissect, as you could take a lot of different interpretations away from it. At the very least, it suggests Ruby doesn't have any living descendents in the 51st century. Carla probably doesn't either (which makes sense with her not having any bio-kids, and Ruby seemingly being the only child she fully adopted rather than fostered?) But for its extensive records, it's notable it still couldn't find anyone after that, even presumably with access to Ruby's DNA like the genealogists had.

Everything in 73 Yards.

Between the snow falling in each episode, plus context in The Legend of Ruby Sunday, we know that Christmas Eve on Ruby Road, while fixed, is also uniquely vulnerable and 'raw'. With the woman's changing reactions to the Doctor, it's also flexible enough to change, somewhat.

Similarly, the possible connection between the woman who dropped Ruby off and the woman in 73 Yards, between her face not being visible and the CCTV camera being around 73 yards / 66.6 metres away. And if that woman really was Ruby, then maybe the parallels to All You Zombies may not be as insane as they sound.

[jokeroutsubs]

🎈🍰Nace Birthday Special🍰🎈 ENG SUB: JokerOutSubs x RADIOaktivno collab: 'Demoni' Album Presentation

Audio + CC link: https://youtu.be/4plC7TteUGw

We are once again very happy to have been able to collaborate with Boštjan Najžar from RADIOaktivno podcast (Facebook, YouTube), with whom we already worked for 'Umazane misli' subtitles. He very kindly reuploaded the deleted Demoni album presentation video on YouTube and we were able to provide subtitles for it!

Below you can find the transcription of our translation of the interview, which originally aired on 23.11.2021, on Radio Prlek/RADIOAktivno YouTube channel.

Cr: Translation by drumbeat, @varianestoroff, and another member of JOS. Proof read by TWT klamstrakur, Anastasia and @flowerlotus8

Transcript 👇

Everyone: We are Joker Out.

Bojan: And you're listening to Radioaktivno.

Host: 'Katrina' by Joker Out, all the members are with me today on Radioaktivno. New member Nace, Kris, Jure, Bojan and Jan. Hi!

Nace: Hello!

Kris: Hi, greetings.

Jure: Hi, hi.

Bojan: Good morning.

Jan: Same… also from me.

Well, even though it's already evening, I see your days are short or they turn immediately into mornings.

Jan: Yes, we usually wake up at 8pm, and stay awake for two days, and then we go to sleep.

Isn't 8pm already the end of the day, or is that when the soundchecks are over?

Bojan: We basically call it vampire rotation. So… We skip the soundchecks and then, when we wake up, we get out of our coffins and go straight to the stage.

So you don't like the light?

Bojan: No, we're not really comfortable with light, yes. Sunglasses are mandatory.

Kris: That's why we live in Ljubljana, where it's never really bright anyway.

I disagree. I was looking at some photos today, and when the sun was out over there, here it was still foggy.

Kris: See, that is why we are here today.

Bojan: Well said.

'Katrina'

Jure, we started with 'Katrina', with the single that launched your new album.

Jure: Yes, it's true. 'Katrina' is the first single we released at the end of August, before the album was out. What can I say? We also made a video for it with Mark Pirc.

Bojan: Maybe the most energetic, or one of the more energetic songs on the album. It kinda feels like this album is maybe a bit calmer compared to the first one, or more oriented towards, how should I say, yes, frustrating, restless moments. So 'Katrina' is, and let's say, 'Ne bi smel', which we will hear later, kind of represent the high point in terms of rythm, we think.

Today we also have in our company a new band member, Nace. How did you integrate into the band after a few weeks?

Nace: I will say, musically, I never doubted it, but as mates, or, rather, band-mates, we've been slowly growing into a little family, I think. We've spent quite a bit of time together now, in the span of a month, and I have to say, they've grown on me so much, like, yes, a family, right?

Have you passed all the tests, taken all the exams?

Nace: I mean, I had the last one yesterday, but, I have to say, that I didn't quite get an A, right?

Kris: And what was that test?

Nace: Well, about the history of Joker Out.

Kris: Oh, yes.

Nace: So I learned something new as well alongside the mistakes, right? But I've still got time.

I see though you have integrated into the band well, you've already got your sunglasses on.

Nace: It was a must-have, right away, as Bojan called me at the time, he said, "Do you have (sun)glasses?" I said, "I do". And that was it and he said, "I think we've found the one."

Bojan, do you have difficult admissions exams, then?

Bojan: Well, I wouldn't say we have difficult admissions exams. Rather for the reason that there are practically no admissions exams, the same thing happened with Jure and Nace. Basically, when we kind of said, we want him, it was more based on this energy that they were radiating, not so much just on musicality, or whatever you want to call it. And in both cases we made the right decision. Now, I believe that we are done deciding.

The next one will be 'Ne bi smel'.

'Ne bi smel'

Jan: Yes, 'Ne bi smel' is a song that we "should have" written, and it's actually, along with 'Katrina', quite a bit, it's the second most most energetic one. I think we had, I mean that Bojan, had maybe the most trouble with the writing of its lyrics, but…

Bojan: The most and the least trouble simultaneously.

Jan: Yes.

Jure: But I think the least work we had was with the instrumental, it got put together really quickly.

Bojan: This song is, well, good thing Jan took the microphone, because I wrote the lyrics for 'Ne bi smel' practically as they are today, crossed them out completely and Jan came into the rehersal space very upset and said to me, that I had to go back to the old lyrics, and I'm really…

Jan: You shouldn't have changed it.

Bojan: Yes, but I didn't know how else to…. So, yes, well, that song was just a big frustration for me, actually, because I've changed the lyrics so many times and ended up going back to the first version. But yes, enjoy.

'Ne bi smel' and Joker Out with their album 'Demoni' on Radioaktivno. Fresh from 'Umazane misli', you've released a new album.

Bojan: Yes, our ghostwriter was really diligent, so we were able to get the new material out very quickly. No, actually, we can't believe it ourselves how quickly the second album came to be. Especially because the first album was quite a torturous process, at least in the finishing touches, when it came to mixing, and we all thought that we got tired of making music and that there wouldn't be an album at least for a while. Then we really reached a moment when…

Jure: You know what happened? We set up the rehersal space.

Bojan: Yes.

Jure: And we announced Križanke, and then we were like, "Okay, now what? Maybe we need to go to Križanke…" Yes, we announced Križanke earlier than we started the album.

Kris: We sold it out before we started the album.

Jure: Yes, well, that too. We went to Križanke and we said, yes, well, we gotta release a new album, right, for Križanke.

Jan: But we've also sold it out promising this… the debut of a new album that hasn't even been made yet.

Jure: Yes, yes, we haven't done anything yet!

Bojan: When it hadn't even been planned yet.

Jan: Not one song, nothing.

Bojan: Nothing. We were like, "Hey, ten really sick songs, that for now don't exist yet, but we'll handle this later ."

But then these songs were created very quickly, because Križanke was in September of this year?

Kris: Yes, they were created quickly. I mean, if we're being completely honest, some have been in the making, even when we were making the first album, because, you know, you can't frustrate yourself with only ten songs, that you've been twisting for two and a half years, and Bojan in particular and I have written a few songs in between, or outlines. Then we built from that, when we started, the first draft. For the first draft.

Bojan: A first draft and an outline.

Kris: Right, a first outline.

Which means that things have been happening very fast for you lately?

Kris: Yes, things are moving quite fast, maybe, maybe even too fast for some. [someone gasps dramatically and Kris laughs] No, but in my opinion, we're all excited about it, and we're basically happy that everything can evolve so dynamically.

Can you all keep up?

Jure: I think so far yes, we have a great team around us, who really help us a lot. So, yes, we're keeping up with everything so far. A problem would arise if we didn't, right?

Bojan: And then we would break up. And in ten years' time we'll have a reunion and sell out some venues again and then break up again.

Jan: No, we must not disband now, because there's one Instagram page, a page called Joker.Out_nesmerazpadt [Joker.Out_ shouldnotbreakup]. So, let's not disappoint our fans.

Do you follow social networks well?

Jan: Yes, we must. Because, I mean, as someone who deals with social networks in the band, I feel like I spend a lot more time on my phone, doing whatever it is I'm actually doing, than making music. Which is a bit of a shame, but it's just how it is today, if the band itself promotes a brand of its own, its own image, you have to take care of the other things as well, that are not music.

Bojan: I think you should be grateful for all these references that you're going to be able to put to good use in PR and strategic management…

Jan: What, you mean if I wanted to get a job at Telekom?

Bojan: …when we break up and you'll be looking for a real job as a TikToker.

Someone: Manager.

'Plastika'

With the second one, we'll undergo surgery. It's time for 'Plastika'.

Bojan: Yes, 'Plastika' is a song that was written in the studio a few days before the album was released, basically. I didn't know what to write about, and there was an article in Delo about how 1/3 of Slovenian teenage girls want plastic surgery, and producer Žarko Pak looked at me from his chair and said, "Write a song about this." And I did.

Joker Out, 'Plastika', album 'Demoni' which we're playing today. You're not the luckiest with electricity. And if we connect this to Ormož.

Jure: Oh yes, yes, I mean, at our place we installed the wiring ourselves, so we're good electricians. But if the fuel runs out in the generator, it's not our fault, right.

Bojan: Yes, Ormož was such a lucky-unlucky situation, because we ran out of electricity during the concert, but luckily, that's the lucky part then, we were so, I would say, in the right mindset, that we went to stand on the speakers in front anyway, and sang and strummed on the acoustic guitar, until the power came back on, so it was actually one of those special little moments, and the flashlights and the lighters were on, you know, romance, people kissing, dancing, hugging, so, nice.

Does that mean you are also working on an acoustic repertoire?

Jure: Not yet.

Jan: Only in Ormož.

Jure: [laughing] Only in…

Bojan: Ormož special.

Jure: No, not yet, I think it's a bit early for acoustics. We'll do it later, in our old age, when we don't know what to do anymore.

As the older musicians say, when you go to their concerts, or like when you start playing around 5 or 7 PM at the latest.

Bojan: Yes, yes, that's it. Acoustic. Have a seat, and we'll be done at five.

Jure: Then let's go home and watch the news, you know, at seven.

Anyway, you have a lot going on right now, you sold out Križanke not long ago.

Kris: Križanke was just now, yes, actually, they seem… Even though it may be, we've been on holiday and I don't know, I think we did ten concerts in between, so Križanke seems like a long time ago. But now we're basically already heading to another bigger venue, Stožice, on October 6th, 2023. Yes, exclusively, exclusively for Radio Prlek. On the other hand, especially now with our latest single 'Demoni', we also have our eye on the Balkans and we're waiting to see if anything happens.

How do sold-out venues affect you?

Nace: I mean, I'm looking forward to Stožice for now, right, which I have no doubt will be sold out. So, anyway I don't know, I wasn't with them in Križanke, so I can't say that I've experienced it, but let's just say, that I look forward to everything that is coming.

Does this give you extra motivation to practice more?

Nace: I mean, if I may be a little cocky, I think I don't need to practice, right. But if you don't believe that, I recommend to come to a concert and listen to me play.

I see you have a good new member.

Bojan: Yes, yes.

Jure: Good at lyings, good at lying.

Bojan: Nace is a few years older than us, right, and he's…

Jan: Just by 30 years, right.

Bojan: 30 years older. …that he has quite a lot of experience. and he's a professional musician, so we're really just a bunch of amateurs compared to him, right, as far as practice is concerned, so I think, that Nace is quite right at this point, that if anybody needs a little bit of practice, it's us, and maybe me most of all, well, but let's move on.

Kris: To be completely honest, since being in the band Nace has requested to reherase the most. And even then we were like, "No, no, we don't need to", so… It's not entirely true, this facade that he's put up.

Nace, how much musical experience do you have, then? In which bands?

Nace: Me? I mean, oh… This question surprises me every time. I mean, with time, when you play so much you tend to forget people and I always find it hard to put a spotlight on people because I know, I will forget someone and I don't want for them… Well. What should I tell you?

Jan: About the cruise ship.

Nace: Oh, yes, as a fun fact, I can tell you that as an 18 year old I already went into the world, on a ship, on a cruise ship, to play where I spent half a year, I saw a bit of the world I came home and started to get a bit more involved in the Slovene music scene. So, maybe it's one of those things that most people have seen and I'm still a member of the 'Diamanti' band. RTV Slovenia programme 'Friday Evening'. And I was an accompanist for quite a lot of Slovene artists, I also recorded some things. So, I think that I've already left a mark, but it's far from final, and I think I will also leave one with the band, I'll bring something new to the band and show that… Who is, not who is Nace Jordan, but that I deserved this spot.

I almost heard, who is Nace Junkar?

Nace: You're not the first, well, but… as much… I'll say that Nace is a great person, right, as far as I got to know him, but I don't want to be mistaken for him. Jordan and Junkar, there is a slight difference

'Demoni'

The next one is 'Demoni'.

Jure: Oooh, little demons.

Bojan: Mhm.

Jure: The first one in Serbian. Bojan, I think it's best if you tell us more about it.

Bojan: Well, 'Demoni' is actually one of the first songs that I've written in Serbian in my life. The reason behind it was mostly or rather, let's say that the reason can be split into two parts. The first part is because we share the aspiration to go out of Slovenia's borders, to the Balkans, which are familiar to us. And the second part is that my roots are Serbian and I always wanted for my grandma to understand what I'm singing about because she always tells me "Yes, it's a lovely song," but if you don't understand it completely then it doesn't have that much meaning, right I've always wished for her to be able to understand so now she understands. Though she wasn't that excited about…

Jure: Right, she wasn't, I was just about to ask…

Bojan: No, that there're demons, it confused her. Why demons, is there something wrong with them, like that. But nothing is wrong, grandma, everything is all right. Everything is all right, grandma.

Demoni' from Joker Out on the Radioaktivno show. Exit was this year. A Serbian festival, world renowned, with a lot of people. Did you have fun there?

Kris: We had a lot of fun. Above all it was our first non Slovene concert experience for us. Before that we played in Poreč but more for Slovene students. So it was our first time introducing ourselves to the international crowd. And one might say that the majority of the crowd were Slovenians, but I was under the impression that a few foreigners were also impressed by our concert and that we left a mark, now we're hoping to be called back to Novi Sad because we had so much fun during those days when we were there.

Bojan (in Serbian): Brothers, call us, we would very much like to come back.

Have you then made a grand enough entrance through the doors to the Balkans?

Jan: Yes, we rang…

Bojan: With a club.

Jan: …with a hammer on the door. I don't know, I mean… I think that after a concert in Stožice the band that does it, also needs something new, something fresh. So, outside of Slovenian borders, there are many ears who want good music. So I think that Serbia is a great destination.

Nevertheless, the title of the album is after a song that is in the Serbian language.

Bojan: Well, that isn't that relevant. The title of the album was actually chosen because we thought that the word demons sums up all these elements we were surrounded with from Cvetličarna onward pretty well. Demons represent good responses bad responses, demons were sleepless nights, a lot of concerts, demons are the new songs that aren't made yet, demons were Križanke, that we sold out without having an album. Basically, a lot of demons were keeping us company we were each other's demons, because we were together all the time, maybe we were fed up with each other in some moments maybe we missed each other in some moments. So we really thought that this very short and clearly defined word that covers a broad spectrum of things that were happening to us. Not just negative but also positive, but yes.

Are you ever asked why Serbian and not English? Because the majority of artists create in English to break into the international market?

Jure: Well no, I think we aren't asked this much but I think that each one who starts working in English in Slovenia comes back to Slovene at the end.

Kris: We'll come to that. We have …

Jure: But yes.

Kris: We have a more long term tactic than most Balkan artists. First, go to the South, then through the South to the North, through the diaspora. So, first we have to conquer Serbians and Croats and all the others and so…

Bojan: and Bosnians and North Macedonia...

Kris: …and all the nationalities in between then we can go to whichever German, Swiss Austrian club to play.

Bojan: Well, no, you know what, being an author and wanting to stay authentic it's beneficial to stay in the language that suits your creative process and Serbian is my mother tongue which I think I expressed myself quite well in, right. Especially considering it's my first try. We'll see about English, I need more practice. I listened to an interview and I am pretty stiff... In English I mean.

Everyone: [laughter]

Practice makes perfect, they say.

Bojan: It wasn't planned. Yes, practice makes perfect.

Kris: You mean, have you listened to that interview yet?

Bojan: No, I haven't. I lied. But It's not like anyone can tell.

'Padam'

Next one is 'Padam'.

Kris: 'Padam' may be the first song that we envisioned for the new album to me it seemed that it defined the direction and vibe for the album very well. But when Bojan was playing it to us, it was very, very different. It was more suited to a band format than it is now. Do you remember?

Jure: Yes.

Kris: Yes, it had a demo with drums and that. Yes, I think so. I was sure then, that, that it would be, because it was a strong song lyrically and melodically and I was sure that it would be the biggest single of the album. But then, over the album making process, we somehow changed it and stripped it down and turned it into some kind of an acoustic ballad that really forces you to listen to the lyrics. Maybe it's not a banger as it used to be but it stands out more.

Bojan: So if someone says that Joker Out is a band that only wants hits it's just not true. This is a lie.

Also ballads.

Bojan: Also ballads.

Jure: That are hits, of course.

Bojan: Yes, yes. Right, that's a given, it's a given, god willing.

This time you offered us ten songs. It's interesting that you haven't released singles before but you first offered the album and 'Katrina' at the same time. Different approach than with the previous album where singles were combined in an album.

Kris: Yes, well in an ideal world we could release a few singles before the album release but we wanted to have two whole albums released in such short time that we actually didn't have time to deal with the process of releasing singles before the album release. But we'll definitely release a lot of singles from this album after it's out. So, 'Katrina' is released and 'Demoni', and then a lot of things can come. Also, for example, a song that to many didn't look like a single from the album could be released with a music video. When we released the album, there were I wouldn't say mixed responses but different people liked different songs. Now they maybe figured out which ones are more favourites and which aren't. But anyway, there's something for everyone on the album every listener can find a song or two on the album that are their favourites. And it's not as if it's so unevenly distributed.

Nace, how many times have you listened to both albums?

Nace: To both? I mean, I listened to the first one more for sure, since it has been out for longer, right. Otherwise, I listened to the second one immediately when it was released, I started listening to it in order to learn it. So I practically listened to it at least once per day for a month when the boys were vacationing. And maybe I might have gone over the guitar part as well, while driving, so, out loud, through Ljubljana, windows down, you know how it goes.

Bojan: You were driving, you were driving with a guitar in your car. Are you insane?

Nace: Look, I knew that I couldn't come there and not know, so I took advantage of every minute. I'm driving from Kranj, you know that is half an hour every day, when you go to Ljubljana, and it comes in handy. You know, a rush hour and you can… At least that bit of 'Padam' where tha bass comes in you know, I can practice it in between.

If we focus on sound, can you compare it to the debut album?

Jan: No. I mean, in some aspects, yes we're still us, the same people that also created the first album but the first album was recorded very sporadically. First, we recorded some drums, then the bass three months later, then we were recording the guitars for half a year every day, for a few hours and it dragged on, the thought process wasn't connected but it was more fragmented. So yes, I think that this album because for the most part we recorded it all together it works more coherently, in regards to sound.

Kris: If I may add, besides the whole process that influenced the sound, with this album we paid much more attention to the sound in post-production and instead of Žare who mixed the first album we found Todd Burke from LA this time who is a mixing and recording engineer there and he actually contributed a lot and he elevated the professional level of the whole product.

It means that you went from disorder to order?

Jan: We went from a mess to a blooming meadow, yes.

Who is the main author, or rather how do you create?

Bojan: Well, I'm the main author but this album was really like… What can be heard… What can be heard on the album was really a product of all of us because it was actually being made at the rehearsal space Songs were changing a lot from day to day from moment to moment. We tried a thousand and one versions for each one all ideas were welcome so I think that we truly found what everyone liked the best for each song.

As can we can see, now your rehearsal space is pretty nicely done.

Bojan: Yes, our rehearsal space is actually like our holy temple that we built ourselves. And we are immensely proud of it. Here, I think Jure is the most suitable to talk about it because he was, I'll say, the main author.

Jure: Installed the wiring and… Yes. Yes, we have a lovely space now, yes. It's nice, it's nice to come to the space and feel at home. Because it's a different energy and you can be more creative. I remember the beginnings, when we made the space when we first played there, do you remember it?

Bojan: Yes, yes.

Jure: When it was like, "Oh, sick."

Bojan: And then Maček, he thought it was so sick that he slept there for a week.

Jure: I do that even now.

Bojan: The rehearsal space influenced the album's creation a lot. Really, so I would say that a space is one of key elements for the band.

'Vse kar vem'

The second part is the lyrics, who's in charge of those?

Kris: Yes, again, for the most part, Bojan. although on this album one was written entirely by me, and one was a collaborative effort, between me and Bojan. That's actually the very next song, 'Vse kar vem', which we basically, I had an outline of the chorus, when last year, in March 2021, we went…

Jure: That's almost two years ago then.

Kris: Right, no, a year and a half. A year and a half.

Jan: Where were we?

Bojan: You've already had that in Šentjernej

Kris: I'd had it in Šentjernej already? Okay.

Bojan: Yeah, you've already revealed a bit of the chorus.

Kris: Oh, okay, interesting. Well, but we worked it out in March 2021, when we went to a hunting lodge in Lower Carniola and we took the chorus, Bojči changed the vocal melody slightly, we kept the lyrics and we made it into a whole song, which is basically based on these four chords. And he wrote segments of the lyrics, from the verses and the stanzas and the song grew spontaneously. I don't know if either of us even really knows what it means, because the stanzas are kind of in contrast to the chorus, but they come together very well.

On the album cover you are surrounded by mirrors and flowers. Except Nace, you are not there yet.

Nace: That, you asked the wrong person. It's just, when I look at the album cover, ah, the cover's pretty wicked. If you look at all the details in the background, how the guys are positioned, take your time, because I think you should dig into it at least a little bit and admire.

Kris: The album cover, if I may add, basically, if you'd like to see more details of how it was made, or what it all looked like, our new video 'Demoni', which was released a while ago, was basically shot on the same set and the same day, as we were doing the photoshoot for the album cover and it kind of visually supports the title track of the album.

Jure, is there something you wanted to add? For the album cover?

Jure: That they should buy the CD if they wish to see it.

Bojan: I would just add, that we are extremely happy and very grateful for the team, that was responsible for this creation. There was Primož Lukežič on camera along with Mark Pirc on the conceptual design, Andraž Drobnič on the graphic design and Damir, or Ponorelli, who did such a good job of styling us.

Who is in charge of your image?

Jan: Partly ourselves, for…

Bojan: Partly our parents.

Jan: Partly the parents, yes, they take us to Nama occasionally. Well, for the big concerts, for the videos and for the album cover, for the videos 'Katrina' and 'Demoni' and for the concert in Križanke, Damir Ponorelii handled the projects for us. Damir Raković Ponorelii. A good name. Well done, Damir.

Bojan: Rakičan.

Jan: Yeah, I think he, sometimes it's good to have a sixth eye. When we try to style ourselves for a concert and things don't…

Bojan: You mean the 11th and 12th eye?

Jan: Yes. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Right. He's probably got a 13th eye as well, right.

As you mentioned, you also filmed the most recent single, 'Demoni', in the same style?

Bojan: Yeah, we shot the video on the same day, as Kris said earlier, the same day that we shot the cover photo. So, it's seemed quite logical for us to make the most of this set, that's been set up in the studio, the guys have brought from the Ljubljana Marshes the whole covering, the mirrors were set up and it really kind of encapsulated the mood of the song of 'Demoni' and the album itself. And I believe we were pretty much done in two hours. Actually, the post-production was probably more complex for Mark. As you can see in the video, it took a little bit of video-shop skills as well, or whatever they're called.

Kris: Uh, if I may comment, you haven't actually heard this before. A while ago, when Jure and I were guests on the radio, the host said that when he first looked at the video, he was genuinely frightened. That he was a little bit thrown off, right, when he watched it. So in my opinion, we've achieved with the video what we set out to do.

Today, actually, video production is a necessity.

Kris: Yes, it is. Especially for the Balkan market, I believe, a song doesn't exist if it doesn't have a visualization, right, and a video is your way in if you want to. In Slovenia, we still have this way of life, where one would indeed listen to an album or buy a CD, which is nice to know, no.

'Ona'

'Ona' will be next, also in Serbian, and Bojan curses in it. How so? Or is it coincidental?

Bojan: Yeah, you know what, this cursing infiltrated itself very spontaneously in the lyrics. And I'm not the biggest fan of that kind of thing in principle, but it seems to me that in the whole context of the song, that phrase was very fitting, it's just an expression anyway. The thing that you really don't give a * for something, is just part of everyday vocabulary, including me at home. and when I showed it to my parents, they thought it was pretty amusing, not vulgar, and I don't think it's vulgar either, so yeah.

Jure: I'm interested in what your grandma said.

Bojan: But Grandma was mor… Okay, here we go. Grandma was slightly offended the first time she heard it. The deal is, she couldn't quite imagine how anyone could just put something like that it in a song, right. But she told me a month ago, that she really, really loves listening to this song now and that she thinks it is hilarious.

Jure: Yeah, well, come on.

See, now Bojan is no longer a nice little boy.

Jure: Now grandma knows what you're up to, right.

Bojan: Now he's a nice little girl.

How did the listeners respond to the second album?

Jan: According to the interactions we had with them live and through social networks, I'd say pretty good, right. I mean, maybe it wasn't what they were expecting, it definitely wasn't, they weren't expecting techno, bangers and what else we've got, yeah, the Beatles on acid, but I think we've intrigued them, that we kind of poked them, which I think is quite welcome.

The reviews are also positive, as you can read online?

Kris: Well, you know, I've read two so far. One was Croatian and one Slovenian. The Croatian one was maybe even a little bit more positive. The Slovenian one was, basically, based on it still being Shagadelic rock'n'roll or not. See, I don't know, maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

Bojan: You know, how you can ask the creator…, anyway, we invented Shagadelic rock'n'roll, right, so, whatever is made by the one who invented it, it's just it.

Jure: It just is.

Bojan: You can't…

Kris: I mean, yeah, okay, I totally agree with that, but you know, they've just based their impression of what Shagadelic rock'n'roll is on our first album, and maybe for most Shagadelic rock'n'roll is, what 'Umazane misli' was. But you have to allow for the possibility, for it to develop, because if you don't you're going to be listening to 'Umazane misli' 2, 3, 4, and 5 for the rest of your life, and we wouldn't want do that. We have decided for the morning after 'Umazane misli' and that is what 'Demoni' is.

What about the initial reactions from the Balkans?

Bojan: Last time we were backstage with Buč Kesidi, who are, let's just say that, at the moment the most active band in the Balkans from the younger generation and they were very, very, very, very, very excited about the album. And for Demoni, they said, "This, bro, is such a bomb, bro, it's gonna be a megahit, bro. I mean, literally, it's killing it, bro."

I mean, Bojan, this sounded very authentic just now and exactly as they'd say it.

Bojan: Yes, yes. That's exactly how it was, right. I didn't make a thing up.

Kris: He basically played the recording just now, since the listeners won't be able to tell.

Probably. Nace, are the listeners the main critics then, underneath the stage, in front of the stage.

Nace: I mean almost certainly. I mean, that's who this music is being made for, they're the reason we go on the road and perform. So I think it couldn't be any other way.

How have they received you as the new member? Is there more buzz around you now?

Nace: I'm not sure if I'm in the spotlight. And I think that neither they nor I, or anyone else for that matter has tried to thrust me into it. But it seems to me, just moving from concert to concert, that they're warming up to me, and so on… They're already shouting, "Nace!" and it feels really nice.

Kris: Has anyone approached you for a photo?

Nace: Yes, they have…

Bojan: They already have.

Nace: They have, they have.

Kris: Oh, great. This is a good sign.

'Tokio'

Next one up will be 'Tokio'.

Jure: Oooh, 'Tokio'. We love playing that one at concerts. I dunno, it's such a vibrant song, really. I'm lost for words…

Bojan: You're full of fun ideas…

Jure: No, you know what, it's 8 PM and my mind's blank.

Bojan: Okay, okay, yeah, we just woke up. Well, the reason is, 'Tokio' is actually… 'Tokio' because my first demo was in English, it was a bunch of gibberish, but in between was 'Dancing in the Streets of Tokyo' and Žarko insisted that this catchphrase has to stay. So, then we were making jokes a bit, about playing in Japan, and that's why I included two sentences in Japanese. And it was really cool, because when we were recording the vocals, we were like, "Okay, what's the Japanese pronunciation now?" and then we called Jan's ex-classmates who are studying Japanese studies, to tell us how to pronounce it, and we called a Japanese lady, someone Žare knew…

Kris: Some Slovenian man, married to a Japanese lady, no idea really, but, Mami Narita…

Bojan: Yes, yes, Mami Narita…

Kris: Yes, yes, yes it's not a joke at all. It's, it's, maybe you should leave this out, so it's not on record, but, it was actually her name, Mami Narita.

Bojan: Don't put this in in, please.

Jure: Yeah, well, whatever, it's a name. Whatever?

Bojan: I mean, she could be the only one in Slovenia.

Or, if you know the singer Stella, you can get in touch now, she's just gone to Japan to study.

Jure: Really?

Bojan: Well, here we go.

Jure: We've met Stella, haven't we?

Bojan: We know Stella, yes. We haven't been in touch for a while, though, but, right, Stella's a great girl. We've met Stella, but, yeah, we're probably not going to be hanging out that much, obviously, if she's going to Japan.

She's already there.

Bojan: She's already there? Maybe we'll visit.

Kris: Maybe the song is about Stella.

You've had a vacation since Križanke, was it an active one or not?

Jan: Yeah, I went to Littoral Slovenia for a week, with a tiny keyboard , among the goats and the hills above the Vipava Valley. And then Jure and I went caravanning around Germany, where our tyre blew up twice, but let's leave out the details. And we bought some new equipment, so, yeah, it was spent actively in part and in part, we did rest.

What about you Bojan?

Bojan: I've spent a few days at the seaside, a few days in Banja Luka at my grandma's, lounging on the sofa all day, eating čevapi and drinking Coca Cola. One day I literally got up from the sofa in the evening, and my grandma said, " Where are you going?" And I said "I'm going to grab something to eat." "No, I'll go!" So I literally wasn't allowed to do anything.

Jure, besides Germany?

Jure: Besides Germany, a week at the sea and afterwards we went to the seaside together, for a couple of days. I don't know, it was nice, but we haven't vacationed in so long, it was a bit weird to go on holiday, right. It's not my usual mode.

Kris?

Kris: Yeah, I've had, let's say, the least, the least laid-back kind of vacation, because on the same night after Križanke, I flew to Peru, where I spent three weeks. We hiked and travelled and basically got very little sleep. All in all, it was a good experience and it basically was the only time when I could make a trip like that possible, a kind of collective vacation, but we had a chance to relax a bit when I got back, we went to Pula for a couple of days, as the guys have already mentioned. and that was my, let's say, my actual time off.

Nace, all you did was practice?

Nace: I did, for the whole month basically, like I've mentioned, and when I didn't practice, I was driving around in the car, and then I practiced in the car.

Bojan: What about the fish?

Nace: That's it, right. And then we went to Pula together that week, that was, what, the last week? Before the first concert, we got to know each other…

Kris: That was the first week of October.

Nace: …a little bit better. The first week of October, yeah. So we had a good time. And then straight to the gig, it was well, yeah. And the fish… Actually, yeah, Bojan and I got a new hobby, we took up fishing, but we've spent a fair amount of time fishing and I have to say, so far, without success. But it's nice, so if anyone knows, a serious fisherman, Bojan and I are really looking for someone, who would take us to a place where we could catch a fish. Even if it's to an aquarium. Just so it happens.

Did you set the wrong bait?

Nace: No, we've tried every bait in the world.

Bojan: I mean, really, we Googled it, we did everything right in theory, but we really didn't catch more than two seabream, and even they were really the size of this microphone I'm talking into. And a fun-fact, just a quick one, Nace took me to a pond, to go fishing, right, because that's where you catch fish. We got to the pond and the gentleman who manages the pond said…

Jure: Fish farm.

Bojan: I mean, yeah, he said… We said, "Where do we buy a ticket?" and he said "Well, no need, there aren't any fish anyway. You can just go for free." Naturally, we didn't catch a thing.

The interview will proceed a little differently, I'm not the one asking the questions anymore, you'll get a new interviewer. Last week I hosted Slick, a rapper from Velenje, with his album 'Sveža plat' ('Fresh Side'), and he asked you four questions. The first question is:

Slick: If you could collaborate with any musician in the history, who would you choose?

Jan: Well, let's say Vivaldi.

Jure (?): Oh, that's what I was going to say…

Jan: Imagine, you know, he shreds on a violin, I shred on a guitar… brrrrrr…

Bojan: I'd say, from the top of my head, Maček, you. Tell me.

Jure: Oh, I guess The Beatles.

Kris: David Bowie.

Nace: Led Zeppelin. To be fair, I've already got Bonham in the band, I'm getting there I'm getting there.

The second question:

Slick: How often do you tell yourself that you don't have time and is that really the case?

Nace: I mean, I say that to myself every minute, but I don't know if it is true. I mean, we all like to whine a little bit sometimes, don't we.

Kris: Yeah, I say I don't have time a lot, but I know that for certain things, that you want to make time for, you take the time.

Jure: Yeah, I agree with Kris, yeah. But our profession is such, that we're not home on the weekends and when someone asks you if you wanna go to a party, or have a drink, you just say you don't have time, right. So, yeah, we don't have time. That happens a lot.

Bojan: I would say, that if … I'd say I don't have time, I'd be lying at some point. But during the summer I actually didn't have time to even think about whether I had time or not. So I am glad that the summer is over.

Jan: Yeah, sometimes you have to put your feet up, so, sometimes I use that excuse to be able to…

Jure: Lie down.

Jan: To lie down, yeah. I mean, I don't actually have much time, but not to have time at all, well, there's that. And stil.

The third question Slick asks you is who in your family has had the biggest impact on the person you are today?

Jan: Probably my mother and my brother…

Bojan: You can't name more people, hey.

Jan: Oh, just one? I guess, as far as music goes, definitely my brother, because he's also a music producer and he was the one who first introduced me to music, and without him I doubt I would be heading in this direction.

Bojan: I would say my father. He's kind of also the biggest supporter of what's going on in my musical head, and whatever's going on with us and he's actually really, really, really happy with all the success. And even when there's failure, he knows just what to say to calm me down.

Jure: You know what, I've been locked in a cellar, and my dad's always said I was made for a pick and a shovel, so…

Bojan: And he wasn't far from the truth.

Jure: Well, yeah, yeah, parents, naturally, right. That's it.

Bojan: Why parents, you have to choose one person…

Jure: Well I can't choose one.

Bojan: How come?

Jue: I can't.

Bojan: Come on.

Jure: They come together.

Bojan: Break someone's heart, won't you?

Jure: Yeah, then I'll say my sister.

Bojan: Here, good one.

Kris?

Kris: For me, I would think it would be quite hard to tell, who has influenced my musical career the most, right, but it is definitely going to be my dad, who was the first who put a guitar in my hands when I wished for one.

Nace: For me, in music, it's must be my cousin, right, because we essentially grew up as brothers. and he brought the guitar to our house, and that's what made me… And he had a band and then I wanted that too, except he's a few years older than me.

And one last question, Did you eat cheese?

Nace: I did.

Kris: I did.

Jure: Yes, I like it very much.

Bojan: I love cheese, too.

Jan: Yes, I've eaten it many times.

Then afterwards you have the same task, so you can start thinking about it, each of you will ask one question to the next guest.

'NGVOT'

The second to last one we're going to play today will be 'Ne govoriva več o tem'. also known as 'NGVOT'.

Kris: More specifically Ngvot. We have chosen that title because, I think that when I first brought the song to the rehearsals in 2018, I already had it spelled out that way. And then, when we wrote it on the setlists it was always 'NGVOT', because it's just too many words, to cram them all into one setlist. But, what's the story behind this song? Because it's a bit different in atmosphere and maybe more naive than the rest of the album. It's a song, as I said, that was made in 2018 and which we kind of, we never really liked it very, very much, but we played it because we needed to be fill our setlist. And then, fortunately or unfortunately for us, it really clicked for us in the concerts, our fans really took to it as one of their songs, and they sang along beautifully at concerts and we basically couldn't imagine doing the second album without the song. So, then we got creative, and we adapted it a little bit into a form that fit us, that was very different from what we played before the album came out. But actually, it fits very nicely now, I think, right. It comes in handy.

Joker Out, to round up this conversation, I see you have very busy days what challenges lie ahead, besides Stožice next year? It's just around the corner.

Jan: We have quite a few plans for the future, which… I don't know if I'd give them away yet, no. But it's… Maybe, at this point it looks like we're going to Hamburg to record the English versions of our songs. That's also a partial answer to the previous question, for Kris, or for anybody, why Serbian and not English. English is coming too.

Bojan: So, that we can join those bands, that go to English and then go back to Slovenian really quickly.

I see you still have CDs as a sound medium? Is that it?

Jure: Yes, and we have a LPs as well. They sell out even faster than CDs, actually, I think. They've made a comeback recently. It seems to me that you have to have this product. When you release an album you have to feel the CD in your hand to say OK, now we've got this.

Bojan: I am absolutely thrilled. I thought we were selling tea coasters all along. Bear coasters, you know?

But you don't sell ID cards.

Kris: Yeah, here we go. Yeah, buy our CD or LP.

Everything about how to get the LP on the website?

Kris: Absolutely, our website is the best guide sign you'll ever see, It's all clearly visible on it, come and have a look.

Bojan: www.allyourneedsunderoneroof.com

And there's a mention of Joker Out somewhere.

Kris:Yeah.

Bojan: Yeah, somewhere at the bottom.

Kris: In sidenotes, right.

Bojan: Yeah, yeah.

You mentioned earlier that there's going to be more singles from the album, not just the two that are already released?

Nace: I think there will be, right. It's just a question of when. Well, 'Demoni' have arrived on Halloween, and now to the next step.

Kris: Yeah, so, well, what should I say...

Jure: Something else might be released, live from Križanke.

Kris: I'm sure there'll be some more live footage, but for now we've got a couple of songs coming out as singles. For me, maybe, I'm not saying it's going to be a single, but I feel 'Ne bi smel' is very much singlelike, the second song on the album. And maybe the others should share which one they see as a single.

Nace: I mean, I also see 'Ona' as a single, right. Definitely. If nothing else, when we play it live, it's it for me. It could be.

Bojan: Honestly, I'll say it like this. Let's give it time, but I think, sooner or later, every single one of these songs is gonna have its singlelike moment. So, keep your eyes open for the videos, the video material, let's not restrict ourselves, you can also find on our website a couple of nice pieces of furniture or home accessories, so you're welcome to visit.

And then in a few more sleeps, it will be the 6th of October 2023.

Jure: Yeah, that'll be quick.

Bojan: What happens then?

Jure: Yeah, Stožice, right. That's it, quick, get the tickets, because they're going to be sold out. I don't know, I feel like we can't wait. Although, we've been waiting six months for Križanke, and it's been pretty exhausting. Now we have to wait a year, so it's only going to get more exhausting.

Bojan: Yeah. Well, the problem with Stožice is, is that truthfully they're so surreal, that, I mean, I really remember the first time we ever set foot in Stožice, when we played at Ritem mladosti (Rhythm of Youth), as an opening band at 7pm, and we said, "Wow, hey, can you imagine everyone coming here because of you, can you?" And now, like three or four years later it's going to happen and it doesn't feel real yet.

'Novi val'

I think we tie this to the last track 'Novi val'.

Bojan: 'Novi val' is one very, very special song for me, because it emerged, from one, how should I say, direct impulse from nature and that was when the fires broke out in the Karst. That's when this phrase came, "Where shall we go from here if we are already setting the horizon ablaze?" and the song was built around that. We kind of felt, that there was a generation, a few generations younger, and maybe a couple of generations older than us, entagled in it, in this preconception that maybe we don't know quite what to do with ourselves or that we are not a good enough contrib… What do you call it, a contribuator to society? I've just made up a word for that. Basically, this song is a bit like I would say an expression of any young person at the moment, who knows that they matter, who knows that their voice counts. and who wants a better tomorrow.

'Novi val' to wrap up this conversation, Jan, Bojan, Jure, Kris and Nace, thank you, for being guests on Radioaktivno and may you be successful and hard-working on your journey. And see you again in a year with the new album?

Bojan: Absolutely, thank you very much for having us, we had a great time last year as well, we remember that interview as a nice one, next year we don't know if there will be an album, but we'll be fresh out of Stožice, really.

Jan: Yeah, thanks for the invitation, we'd love to come again. I agree with what Bojan said.

Jure: I wish everybody a good night, right.

Kris: Good night everyone, the third album may not be next year, but I'm sure there'll be a lot of things to listen to and see.

Jure: But it will be the next one.

Kris: It will be the next one.

Nace: Same from me, right, see you in Stožice. I'm Nace. Still, something like that.

All: We're Joker Out,

Bojan: and you're listening to Radioaktivno.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for refusing to stop having gay sex in my room?

I'm a gay man currently living in college residence. With the way the dorms are designed, it's two separate rooms and a middle "common room" with a little kitchenette and a washroom. The walls are pretty thin and you can generally hear everything. Which means I can always hear my (very straight) roommate having mediocre sex with his girlfriend when I'm trying to study for my law/ethics final.

My boyfriend lives in my hometown (Not my current city) and is physically disabled with a fulltime caretaker. The only time we get any time alone is when we're in my room together hanging out so it isn't often that we get to... mess around. He comes to my city every few months or so because he plays professional basketball at a provincial level and my city hosts the tournaments (Guys he's so fucking cool eugh~ I love him).

Anyways with the background info out of the way, onto the point.

My roommate recently told me that he felt uncomfortable with my boyfriend and I having sex in the room. I apologized and said I didn't think he could hear us (We're both very quiet). He said he couldn't but he can always tell afterwards because we both look a certain way. I asked if his girlfriend was going to stop 'coming over' and he said no.

I kind of had my suspicions about him being homophobic and this was just confirming them for me. I asked him why it was okay for them to fuck but not my boyfriend and I and he just said 'that's different'. I kept pressing him to explain how it's different and he just said that he's not comfortable with it.

He then compared it to me asking him not to throw up in the kitchen trash can (He drinks and is too lazy to go to the washroom. I have trauma that has made me severely emetophobic). I kind of backed up slightly because I figured maybe it was just hearing sex in general that triggered him and I apologized and said I didn't realize it was a trauma thing. He said it wasn't and I asked him to explain and he just said that he found it gross when we (My boyfriend and I) did it.

I asked if it was because we were both men and he started getting upset and a bit aggressive (Yelling, waving his hands around, getting closer to me). He kept repeating that he didn't want to say it (Whatever 'it' was) and that I was making him look like an asshole.

At that point I decided to leave for a walk, both to calm down and to get some space from this guy since I am the tiniest twink you'll ever mean and he's like 6'5" or some shit. Before I left I told him that until he gives me a good reason that my boyfriend and I aren't allowed to have sex or until he stops fucking his girlfriend and screaming for the entire floor to hear when he's coming, I was going to keep plowing my boyfriend as much as I fucking wanted. When I left, I heard something slamming in the dorm.

This was a couple days ago and I haven't seen him since but I've heard him out and about while I was in my room. So far everything is quiet but his girlfriend literally JUST walked in ten minutes ago so we'll see where this goes.

I may be the asshole because I kept pushing him and was being a bit crass with the way I discussed things. Also just refusing something that made him uncomfortable. On the other hand, I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed the same freedoms in my own living space and I'm 99% sure this is because of homophobia since there have been other hints at it. My boyfriend and I are arguably more considerate since we mess around far less frequently and we do it much more quietly.

What are these acronyms?

[actual-changeling]

if god did not want me to over-analyse a two second video clip she would not have given me video editing software, so welcome back to alex's unhinged meta corner with me, alex, as your host.

we're going off the deep end with this one.

let's have a look at a. well, you cannot really call it a scene at this point. more of a collection of frames - aziraphale's face right after crowley leaves but before the bell above the door rings. this has been on my list of metas to write anyway, but someone kindly pointed it out which gave me incentive to make this post.

now, my leading theory is that much like his mouth movement before saying "i forgive you", which looked and sounded a lot like the beginning of "i love you", aziraphale is mouthing a silent "don't". presumably, the complete sentence would have been "don't leave".

first things first, why do i think he would say it? well, if you look back at their breakup in the park in season one, aziraphale calls him back when he says he will leave.

"you can't leave, crowley, there isn't anywhere to go".

then, after the fucking mess that is "nothing lasts forever", aziraphale also calls out. "come back". it is also perfectly in line with his previous behaviour to try and keep crowley from leaving again. especially because he almost tells the metatron he will stay just a few minutes later.

some other important things to keep in mind: aziraphale is shaking and about to cry, and also probably still in shock. so his face is doing a number of things and any words he may or may not mouth are slightly skewed due to that.

the first few frames are him taking a breath, so far so good.

this is the part where it looks like he is about to say something and silently begins to mouth don't. if you pay very close attention to his lips, you can see that they get pushed forward just a little bit as one does when saying "do".

you can try it yourself to confirm, i certainly did several times while rewatching the same two seconds like an absolutely sane person.

the last few frames are him closing his mouth again and breaking off whatever he was going to say, but in my opinion, you can still see the ending of that "don't".

alex, you might ask, how do you know that's what he was trying to say? i don't, although i hope once the strike ends someone will ask michael sheen some much needed questions. however, i wouldn't be a scientist if i didn't have evidence to present nevertheless.

i compared two of the frames from above, one from the "do" part and one from the "nt" part with another instance of michael/aziraphale saying "don't" - "i don't think you understand what i'm offering you".

the mouth shape and the movement of his facial muscles looks very similar even taking the whole sobbing and crying business into account.

interestingly enough, once the bell does ring, signaling that crowley has left the store, he not only closes his mouth but also physically steps back even more. he almost says "don't leave", restrains himself by physically pulling back, and then inches even farther from the door.

that is also when his face shifts from completely openly heartbroken to angry/spiteful and heartbroken.

the camera angle changes a little bit but not enough to explain the discrepancy, so yes, he steps backward before turning away and touching his lips. that pillar is honestly a very helpful point of reference. also completely unrelated but the face he makes at the end cracks me up it is LITERALLY >:(

to summarize: someone get michael sheen on the fucking phone before i lose my mind. also you can pry this meta from my dead, cold hands, he almost said "don't leave" and i will die on this hill.

lastly, said two second clip at half speed if you want to have a look for yourself.

[bimobuddy]

how ticklish is soft Val?

if very, what about Vox tickles HIM this time?

Very, and he loves it

So for a bit of context, I hc that Soft!Val has both antenna. It's not specified how canon!Val lost the plumage on one side, but I'm pretty sure it is canon that he did have both at one point, so I'm just gonna go ahead and create a Soft!Val au where he kept both, and doesn't wear his wings like a coat, thank you

This is kind of short, sorry ^^"

Softie

coming up with titles is fun /s

CW: Restraints and suggestive jokes, but nothing explicit happens

Lee!Val, Ler!Vox

Summary: Val asked for this (I didn't know what else to write, I'm sorry, it's just affection basically)

Val tugged at his wrists, experimentally. "You know, if you wanted to have sex, you could have just said so." He joked. He felt the bed dip in as Vox sat next to him.

"The cuffs are for my safety, dumbass," the host replied, delivering a sharp poke to the side, "You have four arms and you're twice my size. Not to mention you tend to thrash, and I can easily get tossed across the room. Plus, I just got my screen repaired. This shit isn't cheap."

Vox reached up and removed Val's heart shaped glasses, folding them carefully and setting them aside. He didn't want them to get broken. He also didn't miss the way Val had leaned his head forward a bit, craving the touch. So he fully cupped his cheeks and held his face.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

Val nuzzled his face into Vox's hand for a bit. "Mhm." He hummed in confirmation.

With that, Vox let go of his partner's face and hovered his fingers under Val's lower set of arms, smirking when the moth tensed up. Looking up, the host could see that he was already grinning, head turned away and eyes squeezed shut in anticipation.

Well he couldn't keep him waiting, could he?

He could, actually.

A few moments went by before Val opened his eyes and saw his asshole of a boyfriend grinning back at him, just hovering his hands over him.

"Vox!"

"Yes~?"

"Juhust start! .. Please?"

Vox chuckled. "Well, since you asked so nicely~" He started to make a clawing motion, lowering his hands closer and closer to his sides.. Before suddenly reaching up and running Val's fluffy antennae through his fingers, instead. "Gotcha~"

Val jolted and immediately broke out into frantic giggles from how wound up he had been from the anticipation. "Jahahackass!" His cheeks heated up, and his antenna reflexively tried to fold back, the same way an animal would fold its ears.

"Poor Vally-Val, you're so ticklish aren't you?" Vox teased, moving one clawed hand down to skitter at the ribs between Val's sets of arms, causing him to jerk away. "And you love it, don't you? You love having my attention. You love being able to just laugh like this, don't you?"

He brought both hands down to gently scritch down his sides, grinning as Val arched his back and started actually laughing.

Val was shaking his head, the teasing making him incredibly flustered. "Shh- hahahaha! Shuhuhut uhup! Dohon't tahahalk!" He giggled out, his antennae fully folded back now. His wings had even started to softly flutter against the bed underneath him.

"Oh you want me to stop talking? You want me to just tickle you in complete silence like a weirdo?" Vox chuckled, skittering across Val's tummy, making him squeak and press himself back into the bed.

"You don't want me to say things like 'tickle tickle tickle tickle~?'"

"Nohoho!"

"What about, 'gitchy gitchy goo~?'"

"Vohohox!"

"Not even," Vox leaned in closer, whispering, "tkltkltkltkltkl-"

Val's cheeks went red as he tried to jerk away, laughing harder from how flustered he was.

Vox gently dug his fingers under his upper set of arms, chuckling a little when the moth tried to yank his arms down, only for them to be stopped by the restraints. "Wow, I think the teasing makes you extra ticklish, honey. Does it? Do you get extra tickly when I tease you?"

Val was giggling hard, all four of his arms pulling now as he arched his back up off the bed. "Vohohox! Yohou're beheing mehean!"

"You think I'm being mean? Baby, this is mean." The TV demon reached back and gently kneaded his claws into Val's hip bones, right into where they dipped in.

Val let out the loudest squeal Vox had ever heard and started to beat his wings and drum his legs against the bed, cackling.

"AH! HAHAHAHAHA! FUHUCK Y- GIHIVE! STOHOP!"

Vox did as he was asked and pulled his hands away. As Val went limp, panting and giggling, he reached up and cupped his cheek again. "You alright?" He asked. He knew the answer, but he wanted to make sure.

Val nodded, once again leaning his head into the touch, nuzzling his partner's hand, occasionally letting out moth-like squeaks that made Vox's heart melt. "I'm great."

The host set to work, releasing Val's wrists, only to immediately get latched onto and yanked down for cuddles, practically swallowed up by two large, red wings.

He dimmed his screen for Val's sake, and relaxed, knowing they'd be laying there for a while.

[heehoonieluvs]

I forgot

Heeseung x reader

Angst, fluff, smut

The way that the members are depicted in this story has nothing to do with how they really are or how I feel they are. It is all solely for the storyline so please bear that in mind 🫶

Summary: Y/N had been waiting her entire career for this moment but her loving bf Heeseung is no where to be seen

F/N = female name

Warnings: MDNI, cursing, oral (f receiving), ass play (f receiving), squirting, daddy kink, use of pet names (please do let me know if I need to add more warnings 🤍)

Masterlist

Y/N POV:

Tonight was the most important day for my career and it was only an hour till I had to arrive at the venue. All of these years that I had spent chasing my dream was finally going pay off. I was so excited yet nervous to show my friends and family what I had worked so hard for but I was especially excited to spend tonight with my amazing boyfriend Heeseung who had been nothing but supportive of my journey throughout our relationship. He had only just come back from tour a few days ago but he had been in and out due to his busy schedules as he had also just released his first ever collab with F/N.

I checked my watch once again. Why isn't he here yet? He hasn't texted or called at all today. Is he okay? I texted him again but got no response. I felt so upset and hurt that he hadn't even bothered to tell me what was happening even though he knew how much I was looking forward to tonight. Maybe he forgot? No he couldn’t have…

Just then, I got a text from my manager saying that my ride was waiting outside for me. I sighed and left, hoping that he was just late and would turn up to the event later.

Time skip

I looked around the venue, searching to see if Heeseung turned up. My manager said that there was no sign of him and he had not been responding to any of her messages. At this point I started to get pissed off. All these years that we had been together, I was there for him for everything. If he needed me there, I was there. No matter how big or how small the event, I was there. The one day I needed him there for me, he didn’t bother to turn up. I fought back the stinging tears that had threatened to fall and put on a smile as the awards started.

When the host announced my name, I felt an overwhelming amount of happiness inside of me. I gave my speech, thanking people that had helped me through everything. Just then the thought of Heeseung came up, reminding me that he had never turned up to witness this moment. I wrapped up my speech and quickly returned to my seat where I could see my manager and colleagues coming up to me. They all congratulated me and returned to their designated places, leaving me with my manager. I could tell that she knew what I was thinking and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"I know you're hurt that Heeseung isn't here, but just remember how strong you are and now you can show everyone that doubted you just how amazing you are."

"Thank you so much. I guess I just feel more disappointed at the fact that he never bothered to tell me what was going on."

"I know sweetie but he may have his reasons. Just live in the moment now and don’t let this tamper your special night"

I smiled at her feeling slightly better as a brushed aside the horrible feeling in my guts.

Time skip

I slammed the door shut and threw off my heels and jacket. Still no sign of Heeseung and it was way past the time that he usually came back. I shuffled my way towards the kitchen and went on my phone.

I scrolled through my social media accounts to kill time till he came back. Just then, I saw a news article from a few minutes ago saying LEE HEESEUNG AND F/N SPOTTED KISSING AT A PARTY. I opened the link, dreading whatever was about to pop up. The photos that came up gave me a shock as I looked at them. There were photos of them holding hands, cuddling, enjoying their time with their team. The last ones shocked me the most of them looking like they were kissing behind a tall plant and another with them on a balcony, supporting a shirtless Heeseung. Tears welled up in my eyes as I read through the blog. All this time I had spent worrying about him ended up being because he was spending time snuggling up with F/N. After F/N and her boyfriend had broken up days before, I had noticed that Heeseung had been going out more. I had never doubted Heeseung and I's relationship but this just made me feel betrayed, especially since he had missed today for it. I didn't want to believe that he had been cheating as I knew that he and F/N weren't the type of people to do such thing, so I shut off my phone and put on a film to gather my thoughts and think of how I’d confront him.

As soon as my eyes started to droop, I heard the familiar jingle of keys coming from the front door. Knowing who was on the other side, I ignored it and carried on watching the tv. When he walked in and spotted me, his entire face lifted, almost making me forget about how upset I was with him. He came over to me with open arms completely oblivious to the current situation.

"Baby! I missed you so much" he said as he came towards me, leaning in for a kiss.

When I saw it coming I moved away from him, leaving him confused as to why I was acting so cold towards him.

"What's the matter baby? Did I do something wrong?". He asked so many questions but I rolled my eyes and turned towards the screen.

"Babe, why are you dressed like that? Are you going out?"

If looks could kill, he was sure that he’d be 6 feet under right now. It took a second for the realisation to kick in before his face filled with guilt.

"Oh my god baby I'm so sorry. I-I completely forgot" he stuttered "I know nothing that I'll do or say can make up for this but I really did not realise. Please let me make it up to you?"

"Are you serious right now Heeseung? I cannot believe you" I shouted.

A flash of hurt came on his face as I said his name. I never called him that unless something was really wrong. He knew that this wasn't gonna be as easy as it usually is. He couldn't think of anything to say as all he wanted was to make his baby feel happy again. To see her beautiful face light up with her precious smile.

"You knew how much this day meant for me. I have always found a way to turn up to your events no matter what to support you yet the one time I wanted you here for me, you didn't even bother. I feel like I'm never important to you and I'm not even in the top 10 of your priorities. I don’t want to sound selfish but not once have I ever asked for anything in return yet you completely forget about my existence." I said with so much hurt in my voice. It made Heeseung’s heart hurt even more hearing it.

"Baby, please. Of course you're important to me. You're the most important thing in my entire life, don't ever say that you are any less. I know that I forgot about today and I'm an absolute idiot for not remembering but don't think that I don't care about you because that is not true at all."

I scoffed "Really? Because it doesn't seem that way since you've spent the day snuggling with F/N"

A look of confusion came upon his face once again "What do you mean?"

"Are you serious? I'm not stupid. I saw those pictures of you two together so don't start acting like you're so oblivious to this whole situation."

"Baby it wasn't what it looked like." He said panicking. He knew that there were photos taken but he didn't want people to take it the wrong way. He loved you more than anything and the photos taken manipulated what people saw to made it look a lot worse than it really was.

"That's what they all say Heeseung" I whispered, lowering my gaze towards my fidgeting fingers.

He sighed “Baby I know how those photos may have looked but I promise you, we only hugged once and it was after F/N’s manager made a toast to congratulate us on our collab.”

In a way I could understand that the whole purpose of the news article was to stir drama but it still didn’t explain everything.

“Okay. So how come this gathering just happened to be on the very night that you knew would happen for months? How come you were shirtless around F/N looking all cozy and shit.” All of the thoughts that had clouded my brain just spilled out my mouth like word vomit.

Heeseung had all the answers to your questions and was willing to explain everything to you. He already knew he was walking on eggshells and needed you to understand that he could never betray you in any way.

“I know I know princess, I should’ve remembered to keep this day free but it was a surprise set up by both F/N and my managers and they took me straight from dance practice. As for me being shirtless, I had just been pushed into the pool and was waiting for my shirt to dry. I know this all sounds like I’m just trying to make excuses but I promise bubba, everything that was shown in that news article was taken completely out of context.”

“And what about the two of you apparently kissing then?”

“Y/N I swear on Ddongsik that pic is absolutely bullshit. We were just having a conversation but it was taken from a weird angle.”

“Excuse me. Don’t bring my baby into this, he has no part in our drama.”

Heeseung chuckled “Ok I’m sorry princess but that’s the only way I can prove to you that everything I’m telling you is the truth.”

“I don’t know Heeseung. It’s just really hard for my to believe after you’ve been out so often and barely sparing me a glance whenever we have a bit of time together”

I could feel his soft fingers lift my chin up to look at him as he pressed his lips on mine. His love radiating, slightly melting the cold facade that I was putting up.

"No baby, you don't understand. Nothing happened between F/N and I, you can ask Jake. I just wanted to make sure that she was okay as she had been going through a rough time with the break up and all. I didn’t mean for it to seem like I was abandoning you but we’ve all been on alert since F/N didn’t seem like she had taken her break up well"

"I guess that makes sense and I trust you two. But with all of this and the recent comeback, I just can't help but feel insecure when everywhere I go, it's plastered with you guys."

"I'm so sorry baby. I know that's it's been hard for you but trust me when I say that I only want you. You're the one who I want to marry, have kids with and spend the rest of my life with. I can't see that with anyone else. I've been such a horrible boyfriend and I don't deserve an angel like you."

Seeing how distraught he was, I couldn’t help but reach out and embrace him

"Baby don't say that, you're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for."

"No, I missed the most important day of my princess’s career and made her upset. I cannot blame you for being mad at me. If I saw pictures of you with another guy, I’d be so pissed and I never wanna see my baby looking at another man with those gorgeous eyes. I cannot express in words how apologetic I am but I'm so sorry and I'll say it over and over again if it means that you'll forgive me"

"Baby you don't need to. I forgive you okay." I replied, leaning in to give him a soft kiss. As I moved back, he whined chasing my lips.

"One more please?" He begged

I giggled, making him smile so bright and leaned in for another kiss. Unlike before, Heeseung was more handsy, caressing every fibre of my body that he could reach. He slipped his tongue out to trace my bottom lip, silently asking permission for me to open my mouth. However, I decided to tease him and keep my mouth shut which caused him to whine and pull me closer. He then grabbed me by my waist and pulled me till I straddled his lap. He then reached down and grabbed a handful of my ass, causing me to gasp and give him enough time to sneak his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues caressed each others making us moan. He sucked on my tongue and groaned as I grinded onto his dick.

"Fuck baby." He moaned "You're making me so fucking hard right now. No one can ever make me feel like this. Only you princess."

He moved his mouth to my neck and sucked on my sweet spot, making me moan his name.

"God baby, say my name like that again" He said as he rubbed my clit through the lace of my thong.

I moaned his name over and over again as his started to rub even harder and faster.

"That's right baby. That's my good babygirl"

He lifted my dress over my head, leaving me in my black lace thong. Grabbing my boobs he leaned in and sucked on my nipples as he pulled my thong aside and rubbed my clit, rolling it between his fingers.

"Oh my god baby that feels so good" I moaned into his ear.

Then I could feel his finger entering my pussy and he started to pump it in and out.

"That's right babygirl. You're dripping all over daddy's fingers aren't you? You're such a good girl."

He carried on fingering me as he whispered sweet nothings into my ear. His palm rubbed on my clit every time he pumped his fingers.

"Climb up baby, I want your juicy pussy to drip on my mouth. Let daddy have a taste" he said whilst licking his lips.

I climbed up and hovered over his face, letting him marvel at the sight of my juices dripping out from my pussy.

"That's it princess, give that juicy pussy to daddy. I wanna drink up every bit of you" he growled as he reached up for your ass to pull you down.

Being the tease that I was, I shimmied down slowly, taunting him, causing him to whine and try to stretch his neck to reach it.

"Come on princess, let daddy make you feel good"

As I lowered my pussy onto his mouth, he quickly grabbed my thighs, forcing me to grind my pussy onto his face. The vibrations of his moans went to my pussy causing me to grind down harder onto his tongue and let it fuck me deeper. He ate my pussy like a starved man shaking his head to get deeper. The pleasure was too much and I tried to get up a bit to let him breathe but he growled like a wild animal and pulled me back down to his greedy mouth.

“Don’t even think about moving away from me beautiful.”

He then started to move to my clit to suck and lick over it and move back to bury his tongue in my pussy. He repeated the process until I felt myself getting closer.

"Oh daddy I'm gonna cum. Please let me come."

"Yes that's it baby. Come in daddy's mouth" he growled. He brought his fingers up and started fingering me. He curled his fingers and started hitting my g spot. I moaned so loud, addicted to the pleasure that he was giving me. "Come on princess, you know what daddy wants you to do. Squirt your delicious juices everywhere. Soak daddy's face, I wanna drink you up."

He carried on fingering my g spot as his sucked hard on my clit. Then I felt an overwhelming feeling of pleasure as I squirted all over his face. He moaned as he sucked on my pussy, lapping up my juices. I carried on grinding on his face to ride out my orgasm as he greedily carried on eating me out.

"More baby. I wanna take all of it. Give it to me."

I whined as I felt my pussy getting sensitive. "But daddy, let me make you feel good. I wanna suck your dick."

"No baby" he responded "tonight is about you. I want you to come all over my face till you can't take it anymore and you're begging for me to stop."

"Please daddy? Just a little taste?" I asked in my cutest voice with the most adorable pout that I could muster.

But as much as Heeseung wanted to fuck your cute little mouth, he wanted to taste you all night and not stop. He was so addicted to you and needed to have your taste on his mouth.

"Daddy said no princess. Another time. Now let me eat your pussy again". And with that he pulled me down so my shoulders were on his lap and my legs were over his shoulders.

His face hovered over my pussy and he looked greedily like a predator waiting to pounce on its prey. He observed the way my pussy glistened and how it clenched tightly from the intensity of the previous orgasm. He also observed how my asshole looked so inviting, tempting him to have a taste. He they dived in with his tongue and once again started tongue fucking my pussy. The new position caused so much more pleasure, making my eyes roll back. As he shook his head and sucked my clit, he looked at me with so much love and lust. We held our gaze as he stopped and moved back. I was about to complain but stopped and gasped when he stuck his tongue out and dipped it into my asshole. As he fucked his tongue in my puckered hole deeper, I could feel it wriggle inside me, making me moan even louder. I could feel him smile as he ate my ass out. If that wasn't enough he started to nod his head as he licked all the way from my ass to my clit over and over again. He did that for a while and went back to tongue fucking my ass. He could see my pussy clenching as I tried to hold back my orgasm but he wasn't having it. So he brought his hand up and started to rub my clit fast as his other kept me balance and close to his talented mouth. I carried on screaming, not caring if others could hear. Heeseung was so turned on and was desperate to taste you again.

"Come on baby. That's it. Squirt for daddy again. Yes. Yes. YES!" He screamed as you showered his face. At once he drank up your juice, not letting any go to waste. He held you close as he buried his face, not wanting you to get away from him. "God princess, you're so fucking sexy, squirting on daddy's face. Are you okay?"

My heart melted at his concern wondering how he could be so perfect "Yes daddy"

He let me down so I could sit on his lap as he held me like a baby, his baby. As he stroked my back, he littered my face with tiny pecks, causing me to giggle. I buried my face into his neck whilst he hummed into my ear.

"I really am sorry baby. If I have to I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you" he whispered in my ear.

I looked up to him and kissed his pouting lips "No need to baby, it's over and done with now. I love you"

"I love you too baby"

…

"So can I suck your dick now daddy" I asked in a cute voice, looking at him like a puppy.

He grinned back at me "You're gonna be the death of me you cheeky little monster"

Let's just say that I got a lot more than I bargained for that night... or maybe week 😏😉

Author’s note: Thank you so much for taking the time to read my ff, I hope you enjoyed it. I know this is quite all over the place in terms of who’s speaking but I’m aware that my writing isn’t the greatest 😅 please look forward to more works in the future and don’t be afraid to give me some “inspiration” for future smut and for which members 🤭

[justash02]

Womanizer; 03

A/n; lemme know if you have feedback! It’s always welcome! So are Requests!

Plot; Everyone who knew who Tom Kaulitz was knew that he was girl crazy, he's very well known for having girls around him all the time.

Pairing; Tom Kaulitz x fem reader.

Previous chapter -> next chapter.

Master list

Taglist<3

*^*^*

"I wanna be yours."

*^*^*

We walked after Bill and soon found the other boys on the table. "Hiya! We're XO my name's clair, this is Ben and that's y/n!" She said pointing us out.

I'm so happy she's so out going.

I smiled as waved at the boys making them repeat it to me. Bill stood next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side.

He gently pulled close to my ear, "I think my brother wants to fuck you." My eyes widened as I looked at Tom who was already looking at us.

Before I could react I suddenly felt a hand on my hip pulling me away from Bill.

The familiar scent of Adam filled my nose.

"What's going on here?" He asked looking at Bill, Bill laughed and went over to sit next to his brother.

"Nothing much, just told Y/n that she can sing like an angel." Liar. I couldn't help but be amazed by how easy those words left his lips. Kinda impressive how good he can lie.

Adams hand didn't leave my hip and now it was clear to me that he was either being overprotective or jealous.

Toms eyes ran over my body, he looked like he wanted to eat me alive. Not that I would mind...

Let's sit down, it's gonna be begin soon!" Clair said she grabbed me away from Adam making him frown at her but decided to just not say anything.

Before I noticed where Clair was bringing me I was already sitting next to Tom.

He smirked at me before holding out his hand, "Hey, Tom." I felt myself heat up before grabbing his warm and soft hand.

"Y/n."

Before he could say anything else the host of the award show stepped on stage and started the show.

Clair tapped my leg and as soon as I made eye contact with her she smirked at me. Cheeky bastard.

A few rewards were giving away but none that influenced us, the time went by fast and it was already break time.

"Bro I'm starving." Tom said, he laid back in his chair, pushing his hips up a bit in a thrusting motion to get more comfy.

Oh...

"Go get some food then." Gustav said to the boy who was man spreading. "Yeah but the thing I want to eat isn't very appropriate at this moment." His eyes suddenly looked over at me, his intens eyes made me feel small and weak under his gaze, I hate that feeling.

"Dude." Ben said as he shook his head laughing, Tom just smirked at Ben before looking over at Adam. They had a weird stare off before I decided I couldn't handle this amount of cringe anymore and asked Bill if he wanted to go get some food.

The black haired boy nodded and smiled while getting up, he grabbed my hand and pulled me with him.

"I'm sorry it I made you uncomfortable with what I said, Y/n/n." He said, "Do you actually think so?" He hummed before nodding.

"Oh definitely. He's a womanizer. He's like a rabbit fucking anything that has a hole." He said laughing. "You're pretty and good at what you do." I awed and put my hand over my heart.

"Thank youuu." I said with a :> face making him giggle. I liked hearing him laugh.

"Not gonna lie I've always admired your way of being, I'm just so jealous that you feel so comfortable being yourself." This made him blush a bit, "It took me awhile but I'm there now I'm also really happy I got this far."

I nodded, understanding what he means, I hope someday I'll also be as confident as he is.

"When are the ANTI music videos coming out?", "We are gonna start filming in like three days, wanna come and watch?" I asked feeling more comfy around the boy.

"Oh, yeah sure! Yeah I would love that!" He said smiling softly to himself as he watched you bring a plate over to him, "By the way," he said as I handed him the plate, I looked up at him curious, "Don't let him get to your head, Y/n, he's my brother but you deserve better then that." I didn't know how to respond.

"Anyways! What do you want?" He said quickly changing the subject.

*^*^*

In the end we sadly didn't win the award, I could tell that the band really upset about it. I could notice they Clair was losing the confidence she had a few days ago at the interview.

I sadly smiled as her and rubbed her back as we walked back to the parking lot. "It's ok Clair, we did great! We don't need some stupid rewarded to tell us that." I tried to tell her but she seemed zoned out.

I gazed over at Adam who was already looking at Clair with a neutral expression, "Clair, we did all we could." Clair just nodded, she gently pulled herself away from me and walked to the car.

"What was that back there?" Adam asked once we were alone, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a cig

"Don't know what you're talking about." I said really not wanting to talk about Tom right now.

"Yes, Yes you do. Why did you let him talk about you that way, that guy sees you as nothing but a piece of fucking meat." He started to get angry with me. I sighed and lit the cig.

"Don't reacted us losing out on me, I didn't see the need to stop him because it didn't mean anything to me." I spoke, but deep down I knew that his words triggered something in me.

The way his body moved around me, the way his words sent shivers down my spine. His whole being is dangerous to me.

He scoffed, looking down on me trying to make me feel small, "If you wanna fuck your way to the top you can, I'm not gonna stop you."

Slap

His eyes widened as his face fell to the side from the force of the slap, "Don't you dare ever talk to me like this again asshole." I spat at him turning around on the heels of my shoes.

Clair who was watching the whole thing stood there in awe, "What was that."

"Adam being a cunt."

[postwarlevi]

Happy Halloween IV

Content: Back at it with over 2100 words of dad Levi worrying about his daughters first party.

Previous parts: Part I /////// Part II /////// Part III

"It's almost time to go, are you ready?" You call out from the living room to your eleven year old daughter.

It's Halloween and you did trick or treating a little early this year. Bags of candy, mostly separated and ready to be eaten. There's a small pile staying in your house for you all to snack on and another bowl for late trick or treaters. The rest is being brought as offering for her first Halloween party.

"Yes mama, I'm coming!" You hear her racing about.

"She's already in costume, what could be taking so long?" Levi, your husband, comes to stand beside you.

He won't admit but maybe he's a little anxious about this event. It's being hosted by a family friend and their son, one of your daughters best friends. Of course she will be safe. But this is the first time you aren't going to be there to help out.

"Don't rush her, sweetheart, she's nervous too." You hold Levi's hand, giving him a loving smile. He leans into you and calms down instantly.

There's a knock on the door and you call out to her again, letting her know her ride is here.

"Ready!" She comes running out, bags in hand, costume still looking great. She's picked a superhero this year.

"Hey guys." Levi let's Miche and his son in. They are driving her to the party and later you and Levi will pick them up and drop him off on your way home.

"You look great!" You tell her again, then turn to Miche and his son, who is also in a superhero costume. It appears the group of friends had this planned.

The men go over plans for dropping off and picking up while the kids talk. A large black cat comes out from the kitchen to greet everyone. Just a couple years ago he was such a tiny little thing. He's still active so you don't know how he got so big. Probably all the treats your daughter sneaks him.

She hands the bags to the boy and picks the cat up, who purrs as he gets pets from everyone.

"Okay, pumpkin, everything all set? Ready to go to Erwin's?" Levi turns to her, patting her head.

She smiles and ducks, looking a little embarrassed at the treatment her father gives her.

"Yes daddy, I'm ready." She's growing up and it's hard for everyone involved.

"Okay my little avenger, be good and we'll see you in a few hours." You take the cat from her and send him on his way.

"I'm not an avenger." She points out, maybe in a slightly sarcastic way.

"Oh, right, sorry." You let it go. You remember being eleven. And twelve. Oh no, and then thirteen. There's a long way to go with her.

"Let's go kids! You can sit up front." Miche tells your daughter before anything else can be added, picking up the bags of candy and handing them to his son to carry. The polite thing to do for the little lady.

Levi waits for her to hug him and she gives him a quick side hug, smiling and waving to you.

"Love you." You say, and she says it back while running out the door.

It doesn't bother you nearly as much as Levi that she doesn't hug you as much anymore. In front of her friends it just isn't the cool thing to do. You know she loves you both.

"Well Mr Ackerman, it's just you and me now. And kitty, of course." Kitty has come back out demanding second dinner. Hmm, maybe that's part of his size issue.

Giving in you head to the kitchen, pulling Levi along, who is sulking a bit.

"Don't worry, darling." You kiss his cheek and give him a hug. It makes him feel better.

"Her first party." You giggle as you can hear the frowning he's doing as he says this.

You pull apart as kitty cries for food and you bend to fill his bowl.

"First of many. We should get used to this." It would be easier to just accept it.

"I know. But I still don't like it." Levi sighs and decides it would help him to help you.

He cleans up dinner dishes from earlier that got left in favor of going out, something that would usually never happen.

Together you get things tidy and while humming you come to hug Levi from behind, making him chuckle.

"Stop worrying." You tell him, rubbing his back.

He turns to you and smiles softly, pulling you into a proper hug. "I didn't even say anything."

"Yes, but I know you." You kiss his cheek and put your arms around him. "It's been half an hour. She's with people we know and love. Having a wonderful time."

All true. But anything new his little girl does it going to be new for him too.

The doorbell rings then and you go to hand out candy to the older kids. A few more come right after before you can get settled.

"Come on, do you want to watch a movie, read a book, anything, what would you like?" You find Levi standing right behind you in the living room.

"Anything?" He raises an eyebrow, laughing when you roll your eyes and give him a shove.

"Cut that out." You give him a light kiss, going to switch out your day clothes for a comfy shirt and sweatpants and slippers. Levi gives out a bit more candy then takes your lead and gets into something comfortable, meeting you on the couch with more candy.

It's something he can still go out in later to pick the kids up. He just has to get to the car.

He throws a blanket on you both while you pick out an old movie to play in the background.

"When was your first Halloween party?" Levi asks you, snuggling close and picking out some Twizzlers.

"Oh, I think I was fourteen maybe?" You think about it, digging through the candy. You feel Levi shift and look up at him. "But I wasn't nearly as social as our girl at her age." You try not to make him overthink it.

"So you think this is too early?" He asks with concern.

"No, not at all." You put the candy bowl aside. "We all agreed this was a good idea, and it is." All the kids in your friend group are attending, plus some others from school. Erwin and his wife have it all planned, and you trust them.

"My first party was the one I went to with you the first year we were married." Levi tells you, holding you closer. He'd missed out on some things in his younger years that he enjoys doing now with you. Maybe that's partially why he is worried. He doesn't remember a whole lot about eleven.

"And that was fun, wasn't it?" You remember trying to get him to dress up. It's still not something he does a whole lot. But he admits it was fun. Everything with you makes him happy though.

You go back to candy and the movie and chat while watching the time.

"You don't need to go yet, it won't take you that long to get there." You grin when he is trying to leave half an hour early.

Knowing you're right, Levi settles back down and pulls you into his lap, sighing happily when you rest against him. You still make him feel blissful and he adores that this feeling has never and will never fade.

"We can host a party next year." You suggest, breaking the comfortable silence. Levi nearly chokes on the candy he's snacking on.

"No we can not." He tells you, making you laugh. Sure, then he could keep an eye on your daughter, but that would mean watching around fifteen or so preteens. No thank you. One is enough.

"We could go to our own party. For old times sake." You say, hopeful, looking back at him.

"Maybe." He somewhat agrees. It wasn't out of the question. While being at home like this is his favorite thing, sometimes social events were okay.

"We could even do a couples costume." You grin, kissing his chin when his eyebrows furrow. You know you're pushing it.

Soon it's time to go pick the kids up and you tell Levi you're staying home. He makes sure you're all tucked in and locks the front door behind him.

The usual eight minute drive takes a little longer with kids still out trick or treating.

There's a few other cars already in Erwin's driveway as parents pick up their children.

Levi gets out and heads into the house. Spooky music is still playing on low and he takes in all the decorations. They did a good job.

"Levi." Erwin, one of his oldest friends, comes to greet him.

"Hey." They talk for a couple minutes while one child and their parent thank Erwin on their way out.

"Where's the other kids?" Levi can't help himself, he hasn't seen anyone, or rather, his.

Erwin understands and chuckles. "Out back playing with the dogs. I'll get them."

A few moments later your daughter comes in smiling. She bounces up to Levi.

"Hi dad!" She's a bit loud. Maybe the music, maybe the candy.

He resists the urge to hug her. But he doesn't have to, she hugs him. He smiles.

"You guys ready to go?" He asks, looking around for Miche's son.

"The guys are going to have a sleep over. It's all arranged." Erwin says, coming back in from outside.

"Alright then, just you and me." Levi looks at his daughter and she nods.

Everyone says their thanks and goodbyes and on the way out to the car they pause as Erwin's son comes from the house holding a bag.

Levi takes note of his costume, that matches your daughters very closely, and the way they speak to each other.

Oh no, another thing to worry about. It's always been the joke, that your daughter would marry Erwin's son, and that Miche's son would marry Hange's daughter.

Getting into the car Levi drives slow while your daughter plays with the bag.

"You all plan your costumes?" Levi side eyes her.

"Yeah, we all did. I had a lot of fun." She announces, not staying on the subject.

Levi decides not to, either. "Good. Your mother was worried."

Your little girl laughs because she knows who was the most worried. Levi smiles and they talk about the party.

"So what's in the bag?" He asks as they pull in the driveway.

"Oh, stuff for you and mom. Some of us traded candy. I got your favorites, and a few of mine." She opens the bag which holds a lot of Levi's favorites.

"Thanks." He goes to pat her head but stops, making her shift.

"Daddy, I'm sorry about before. I love your hugs." She realizes that even though she's growing up, watching the boys hug their fathers openly tonight, she still needed her own fathers hugs too.

"Thank you, cupcake. I love them too." His heart full, they share one before getting out of the car.

Feeling much better, Levi promises himself not to worry so much anymore.

Once inside kitty comes right over and gets carried into your daughters room as she goes to change.

You come shuffling out of the bedroom and come to hug Levi.

"How are things?" You ask, happy with everything he tells you. The candy, the hugs, even the matching costumes. You are more open to the idea of the kids getting together one day then Levi.

"Good, I was a little worried. Just a little." You admit to Levi's satisfaction.

"Hi mama." Your daughter comes from her room in her pajamas and you all share a hug and go brush your teeth.

It's a school night so no staying up too late, but everyone is tired from the days events anyway.

"I'm glad you had a good time." You say as you get your daughter in bed, cat at her feet.

"Thank you, me too." She smiles, giving both you and then Levi one of the best hugs you can remember. "Good night."

You go to your own room and get settled into bed, snuggling up to Levi, who teases you gently for also being worried.

Smiling you roll your eyes affectionately and kiss him lightly. "We're her parents, it's only natural."

"We got a long way to go, love." Levi says, brushing your cheek with his thumb.

"Yes, but we'll do it together." You say with a yawn and a sparkle in your eye.

You both got through your teen years, and with as wonderful as your daughter is, you can look forward for what's to come.

--------

a/n I'm baaaaackkk maybe? It's a start! It's been a while so I hope this is okay :)

[shnoob]

Sally Face HC's (How they are at a New Years Party!)

A/N: Happy New Year everybody! I hope everybody has had a good break and may this year bring great things! I have many goals for this year so leave yours below!

C/W: It does include 1 mention of Sal’s mom and dad so if that's a sensitive topic then don't read. Thank you! 

Leave any suggestions if you want to see something specific! 

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Larry Johnson:  

First off he’d be the one to host the party with everybody. I believe that once they are all older (with Sal moved out of the apartments with Todd and Niel), the main party would be held at the apartments for nice memories of the group. 

You have to go big or go home, so the entire basement would be decked out for everybody to hang out with mini sections.  

To respect the other residents of the building, a sign would be put down to go to the basement in which the party would be located. (By the help of Ash of course). 

Once I entered the basement a big sign of: “Welcome 2025!” with some goodies such as glasses would be on a big table and enter Larry's apartment. 

Larry himself would be a live, energetic host who makes it a point to say hi to everybody most of them he knows personally. However, those that he doesn't know (such as friends of Ash or Todd) he will welcome in like family as if he's known them for years. 

Kind of like that Uncle you only meet once every tradition which you aren't even sure he’ll show up but you love him on the spot? 

Definitely has some tricks up his sleeve for the party to make it more entertaining. What are those? Some are more noticeable than others such as the “Fruit Punch”, but others such as a pranked toilet will take a while. 

The type of dude who is very persistent at seeing the ball drop, but when it does he either: A. Miss it, or B. Sleeps and doesn't even wake up when everybody is sleeping. There was one year where he didn't miss it (Claimed by him), but there is no hard evidence supporting this. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sal Fisher: 

Sal isn't the type for big parties, he never was. But hearing that everybody he enjoys being around is going (plus the idea he doesn't HAVE to stay the whole time) he decides to go. 

Being the person he is, he shows up on time with Neil and Todd; since they are early they decide to help out with the minor details with Lisa. (Such as cleaning the tables, glasses, etc). 

Ashley has him help out with also putting up the posters making sure that they are held up and not crooked. 

Honestly, all I can see him doing is talking with the people he knows until they decide to have some of their own fun with other substances around them, which then he hangs around in the corners of the room. 

But he does make a few small friends from the parties with people who are like him! 

With the ball drop, I think he thinks it's quite interesting, not like a huge die-hard fan of seeing it but he enjoys spending time with his friends around him and being able to cheer/spend that precious moment with them. 

At the time it's bittersweet since the first thing he may think of is his family, which includes his mom and dad. 

Overall, besides that factor, New Year's Eve is an enjoyable holiday :). 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ashley Campbell:  

I feel like she is one of those people who LOVES New Year's Eve for several reasons.  

Parties; She was a big factor in having this party in the first place and helped Larry convince Lisa to hold the party at the apartments instead of at Sal’s house. 

Second off; It allows her to see everybody again since she moved away :). 

Third off it's just a fun holiday overall!! She is one of those people (like me) who sets goals for the new year and makes a vision board so being able to have a sort of “reset” and “fresh mind” is nice.  

She shows up a little bit later than everybody obviously since she doesn't live close but still shows up before the big wave. 

As mentioned above, Ash contributes a lot to the party decorations such as making the signs and 2025 party hats and buying stuff at Dollar Tree for the glasses. 

She also contributes to drinks, which I believe she likes more fruity juice so that's what most of it will be :P. 

Most of the people there will also be due to her as by her friends from Art School. (She will claim it is a “small crowd” and then 20 people show up LOL). 

Due to her loving New Years, she will be very keen on seeing the ball drop. I feel like when she was younger she didn't get to see the ball drop because her brother had to take care of him and made sure he went to bed (even though he also wanted to see it), so now with free will she's doing everything to the max. 

Definitely will not be riding home that night and be part of the crowd that stays at Larrys till the next morning. 

[thelargefrye]

CAFÉ ETERNAL SUNSHINE ... bullet - point fic

pairing : poly!ateez x f!reader

genre : cafe au, fluff, established poly relationship

word count : 873

warnings : food, mentions of getting sick from overworking

special tag : @sanjoongie who allowed me to talk about this with her and is mainly inspired by this tiktok [ here ]

you and your eight boyfriends run a cafe together.

four sunshine boyfriends and four grumpy boyfriends with you somewhere in the middle

sunshine boyfriends : hongjoong, yeosang, san, and mingi

grumpy boyfriends : seonghwa, yunho, wooyoung, and jongho

you all run and own a cafe together

you and hongjoong originally started the cafe together before the others just slowly began working there with you both

the cafe as a comedy and tragedy type of aesthetic mixed with some artist vibes with painting down by hongjoong hanging on the walls

the food is very cute and bright and very comedy inspired

while the drinks are more darker and tragedy inspired

you even have a romeo and juliet inspired drink called "true loves poison"

the sunshine boys handle the drinks and the to-go orders

the grumpy boys handle the food and waiting tables

you and wooyoung are in the kitchen making the food and trying not to have a food fight every ten minutes

while all the boys are handsome, yeosang and seonghwa have become kind of like the faces of the cafe

you look on social media and its always you can always find either of the two in at least every single post

some people come to cafe just to see seonghwa and/or yeosang

yeosang is very welcoming and along with the other sunshine boys will have conversations with customers

while seonghwa is more of a "either buy something or get out" type of guy and usually gives off a cold aura to people that try to flirt with him or one of his partners

also– general manager!seonghwa who isn't afraid to kick people out of the cafe he sees them trying to cause a problem

seonghwa is very protective over you and the others

will also immediately rush to the back if he hears wooyoung giggling too loudly because he KNOWS that boy is up to something

eventually the cafe started hosting an open mic night once a month to allow people to come and perform

you and the boys will also perform once in a while

you'll mainly find hongjoong and jongho performing more than you or the others

you originally wanted to do a cat cafe but hongjoong turned it down

san was all for it but you guys got outvoted by the others

so to make up for that, you guys host an special animal adoption day at the cafe every once in a while

probably one of the few times you are seen out of the kitchen as you mostly help with the animals

during these days hongjoong or mingi are usually in the back with wooyoung to help him

the cafe also does special themed drinks and foods inspired by what broadway show is popular at the time

some examples have been six, beetlejuice, heathers, etc.

this are very rare though and very limited time, like maybe a week or two

also do special days that are either comedy discounted or tragedy discounted days

when these days happen you and the others either dress in brightly colored clothes or dark color clothes and the music in the cafe also matches the discount of the day

sometimes the cafe will also stay open into the very early hours of the morning (almost 24/7)

when this happens, you and yunho usually run the cafe by yourself since during this you only serve coffee and biscuits

usually during the late nights you'll get office workers, people who can't sleep, night shift people, or college students looking for a place to study

usually after these shifts, you and yunho crash in bed together for a few hours

hongjoong once tried running the night shift with yunho when you couldn't and hongjoong honestly can't figure out how you do it

"i don't know how you do it, y/n."

like hongjoong, yeosang has also covered yunho's late night shift, and every time he does he says he learns more and more about you each time

you two have been dating for years along with the others and so he thought he knew everything about you

"i think with each night shift, i fall more and more in love with you"

you have a tendency to overwork yourself which has lead to you getting sick a few times

the boys are all the time worried about you and try to get you to take the day off especially after some big event has happened at the cafe

one of the boys – usually san or jongho – also take off so that way you aren't by yourself

speaking of taking off

when either you and wooyoung take off or can't come or something, mingi is always the one to come help in the kitchen

mingi is really great help in the kitchen and usually left to decorate the cakes and such

HOWEVER–

one time both you and wooyoung were gone – you both had went out of town to get new ideas for food, so that left the others to run the kitchen

....

it was a disaster

you and wooyoung left mingi in the kitchen and so mingi brought san into the kitchen to help him

....

next time you both go out of town, you'll just close the cafe until you guys get back

tag list (bold means unable to tag ) : @invuwrld @frankenstein852 @watamotee33 @kawennote09 @mixling-blog @marahleiwhen @kpopnightingale @harry-the-pottypus @rdiamond2727 @sanniesbum @marvelahsobx @khjcoo @mysticfire0435 @exfolitae @kryybebe @dementedaly @simeonswhore @moonm1st @nvmbheart @spooo00oky @frogogh @marsanhwa @kryukyustar @sookacc @seongwin @melomatz @songmingisthighs

network : @cultofdionysusnet

[once-upon-an-imagine]

Mmmmm

If u still want dialogue requests, maybe Sirius comforting the reader (platonically) due to her dad just generally sucking and being low-key sexist to her at some fancy "the noble and most ancient house of black" party/ball/whatever fancy rich ppl host? (She's also from one of those families, they're betrothed)

Also, hope ur day's better!!

I think this might have been a bit more angsty that you wanted to but I still hope you like it 😁 Warnings: arranged marriage; Lestrange!reader; reader is drunk; bad family situation (mentions and hints of abuse) Disclaimer:  I don’t own Harry Potter 😊 gif isn't mine 😊

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Till Death Do Us Part

"Hey! It's the rest of the Marauders!" you announced happily as Sirius opened the door to his dorm. "How come they weren't at our engagement party?" you asked, looking at him.

"Because, love, your parents only got us, your brothers, and my brother out for tonight, remember?"

"Oh, right" you giggled. "Don't worry guys, you didn't miss anything good. It was soooo boring" you laughed.

"We can see that, love" James smirked. "Is she drunk?"

"Hammered" Sirius explained as he walked you over to his bed. "I didn't want her to go back to Slytherin like this" he commented.

"Smart" Remus nodded. "What happened?"

"The usual" Sirius shrugged as you sat down on his bed. "Her father being a prick. My dad being a prick. Our mothers being-"

"Bitches" you snorted, before he could finish, making all four boys turn to look at you. "Sorry, that is no way to talk about my mother-in-law" you laughed.

"What about your mother?" Peter asked confused.

"Oh, she is a bitch" you assured him.

"Hey, could you guys... go get something form the kitchen to sober her up?" Sirius asked them, James quickly getting the hint that he wanted all three of them out of there, got up and nodded.

"Sure thing, mate" he said, looking at the other two and grabbing the Map. "Anything you fancy, love?"

"Oh, if they have anything with potatoes or cheese on it, you would make me the happiest woman on Earth, Potter" you smiled sweetly at him.

"I'll see what I can do" he winked at you before the three of them left.

"Do you have anything that I can use to take off my makeup?" you asked Sirius as he looked through his trunk for clothes to give you.

"Um, yeah" he said, leading you to the bathroom. He gave you whatever you needed, placed his clothes so you could change, and gave you a toothbrush you used whenever you stayed there, since this hadn't been the first time.

"Thanks, Siri" you smiled wearily at him before he started to leave. "W-wait, um-" you said, feeling your cheeks burn. "C-could you please help me with m-my dress?"

"Yeah" he smiled before he started working on the back of your dress.

When it was finally undone, Sirius saw you take in a deep breath and felt his heart aching a little at how uncomfortable it looked. But that wasn't all he noticed. He saw faint bruises on your back and your arms. He felt sick to his stomach knowing he recognized them very well, since he had very similar ones on his body.

"They don't hurt as much anymore" you said quietly as Sirius looked at you through the mirror. He placed a soft kiss on your head and turned around.

"I'll be right out if you need me, love, okay?" he said and you thanked him.

A few minutes later, you came out of the bathroom to find Sirius already in his pajamas, sitting on his bed. He offered you a smile and a glass of water which you gladly took, sitting next to him. The two of you were silent for a moment until you spoke again.

"I'm sorry you have to marry me" you said, quietly as you gripped your glass.

"What?" he asked a little confused. "Why would you say that?"

"I don't know" you shrugged. "You can do a lot better, as my brothers were pointing out tonight to your brother and everyone else" you chuckled sadly.

"Your brothers are idiots" he waved it off.

"Still" you said, quietly. "You can call it off if you want to. You know that, right?"

"So can you" he frowned, confused but you shook your head.

"It doesn't work that way with the women in our world, Sirius" you smiled wearily at him. "Plus, even if I could, I wouldn't" you informed him, surprising him a little. "I know that... you didn't even want to get married and... if you did, I wouldn't be your first choice, and I know we don't really love each other that way but... I was relieved when I found out it was you" you said with a small smile.

"You were?" he asked, confused and you nodded.

"I think you and Regulus are the only ones that aren't... like our parents" you said, quietly. "So, if my fate was to be with someone in any of those families" you said, resting your head on his shoulder. "I'm glad it's you" you smiled, not noticing Sirius smile as well.

"Well, I'm glad it's me too then" he said, kissing your forehead.

"You don't have to lie, Sirius" you chuckled sadly. "I know I'm not the prettiest, or the brightest, or... fit to be a wife, really, as my father likes to repeatedly point out" you said, breaking Sirius' heart at how little you thought of yourself. True, the two of you didn't have a romantic relationship, but you had been friends your entire lives and you had been the only one who didn't stop talking to him when he got sorted into Gryffindor. And he loved you very much. "I promise I'll try my best to be the wife you deserve, Siri" you said quietly, making Sirius pull away from you a little.

"Hey, look at me" he said, gently placing his hand on your cheek and making you face you. His heart broke when he saw a few tears in your eyes. "You don't have anything to prove, okay? Not to me. Ever" he assured you. "You are one of the best people I've met, and I'm not gonna let your stupid father or your idiot brothers convince you that you're not good enough. I know that this situation isn't ideal for either of us but, love, I would choose to marry you a million times before I'd let your father pick any of those pricks that could hurt you" he said in a stern tone. "We're gonna be okay, love" he said, hugging you to him. "And I promise I won't let anyone hurt you again" he said, kissing your temple before he turned you to face him again. "No more silly apologies, okay?" he smiled sweetly, wiping away the last few tears on your cheeks. "We're a team now. We're in this together... till death do us part" he said, making you laugh.

"You're an idiot" you chuckled.

"I'm your idiot" he smirked. "Foreveeer" he said in a creepy voice making you laugh and hit him with his pillow.

"Alright, lovebirds, we've got the food" James said, entering the dorm with Remus and Peter behind them carrying an endless amount of food with them.

"You guys know I'm not that drunk, right?" you laughed as the placed everything in the middle like a picnic.

"Well, that is very pretentious of you, Miss Lestrange" James chuckled. "We're also hungry" he informed you. "Plus, I got cheesy potatoes" he said, getting out a container and your eyes widen.

"I love you, Potter" you said, getting away from Sirius and grabbing the plate from him.

"Seriously? In front of your husband?" Sirius asked, offended, sitting next to you. Sirius was right. This situation was not ideal, but you'd choose him every day over anybody else. You were going to be okay.

The End

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A/N: hope you loves liked it!

[luveline]

& speaking of the Steve zombie au series —

would you ever maybe give us a little tidbit of maybe Steve and reader where he finally admits to her not only just how petrified he was when she got kidnapped, but also how much he’s realized that he cannot live without her? I could feel his walls coming down in that last excerpt and felt our boy wanting to just UNLEASH all of his emotions to us and the comforted one vs the comforter, like — ugh my baby 🥲

even if you never wrote this tho your writing and this series is literally unmatched like oh my fucking god I love you and don’t even know you???

thank you so much ♥ for you, fem!reader zombie!au steve

"You want to what?" 

"I want to move into the pantry." 

You stare at Steve, your shock melding into unhappiness. "No, you don't." 

He laughs at your frown and sits up a little taller. He almost drops his tray. "I do! I miss you all the time, I don't see why we chose separate jobs in the first place." 

You look down at your own tray. You and Steve have chanced the unnatural winter sunshine to eat in the quietude outside of the cafeteria, but it's cold despite the sunshine and you don't like the food today and now Steve is… doing whatever it is he's doing. 

"I miss you too," you say. "You want this?" 

"You need to eat." 

"I don't like–" 

"That's never stopped you before," he teases lightly. 

"Forgive me for being picky," you say, and you're not being sarcastic. It's an amazing privilege at this point, and in these circumstances, to be able to turn food away. "You eat it for me, please." 

"We can go to the shop tonight and pick something you like," he says. 

'The shop' is just that, a small store of any excess pantry stuff, luxuries people don't strictly need. You can trade or you can cash in a 'credit' or a few for something. There's been some great stuff in there lately, like marshmallows and a huge box of three musketeers bars. 

"No…" You don't want him to buy you treats. It's like a reward for being difficult. "You can't come to work in the pantry, there isn't anything for you to do." 

"Then I'll do something else. I just want to be here with you." 

"But," you say, alarmed, "you can't do that. We can't be like that." 

You've only just got back to normal. Not normal, because this isn't normal, not this community or the apocalypse or what happened to you, but better than it had been. You get up in the mornings at the same time and eat breakfast in the cafeteria, where Hopper hosts town hall, and then you part for your separate jobs. You work in the kitchen, Steve works as a sort of security guard patrolling the fences of the community to stop a geek invasion, and occasionally leaves the College to bring things back from the abandoned shopping mall a couple of miles away. 

"Be like what?" he asks, sounding like he's about to sulk with you as he puts his tray at the floor by his feet. 

"Codependent." 

"We're already codependent. I think we're allowed." 

"See, that's what everybody says, but–" 

You put your tray down on the floor because you doubt Steve's going to eat it. It clinks next to Steve's with a more aggressive emphasis than you'd wanted.

You look at him, really look at him, eyes scanning his eyes and his mouth and the way he's holding his shoulders. He's tense. He's anxious. 

"Stevie," you say, and offer him your hand. 

He doesn't take it. "But what?" he asks. 

"I need you to be happy," you say, "how can you be happy if you're always worried about me? And when you're not worried about me it's because you're giving up the things you like doing to be near me." 

Your voice is quiet. It's hard to say all that out loud, one half of you worried he'll laugh in your face and say you've got it all wrong, and the other worried you'll hurt his feelings. 

"I need you." 

"Steve, you–" 

"I do," he says, staring a hole into your thigh, "I need you. I went fucking crazy without you." 

"You would've been okay." If something happened to me. 

He shakes his head. "No, I would've been a mess. Probably forever." 

This isn't the first time you've seen Steve vulnerable, but it's been a long time. He's been your pillar of strength, he's held you through nightmares and moments of unreality. He hadn't once wavered. 

You push onto your feet. You stand in front of him, weaving your fingers into the soft hair at the back of his head. 

"Steve," you say, pulling his head into your chest. You don't continue, wanting to say, Why didn't you tell me you felt like that? 

But he had. Hadn't he? He'd crossed the wilderness in the dead winter on a maybe that you'd be somewhere he could reach. 

His shoulders shift under your hand. You think, horrified, that he might be crying. 

"Steve," you whisper, pressing your lips into his hair. "It's okay. You saved me, you know?" 

"But what if I didn't get there in time? You were all alone. You were tied up," he says.

"I'm sorry." You don't know what else to say. You're so sorry. That he would have to think that, and see you like that. "It's my fault. I'm sorry." 

His arms slide behind your back and lock you in so tightly you feel like each of his fingers is touching your spine. You scramble to keep a hold on him. 

"I– you know, I lost my shit in the communal bathrooms and Robin had to tell me to get ahold of myself," he admits, trying to be lighthearted. He sounds strangled. 

"I didn't know that," you say, your eyes filling with tears. 

You have no clue if Steve is crying now. You think he might be. He's unsteady under your hands, the side of his face buried in your sternum, his hands clinging to you like you're a liferaft at sea. You try to calm him down, and find, ashamed of yourself, that you don't know how. 

"I'm so sorry, Steve," you mumble, sniffing his hair. He smells like your shared soap. 

All you can do is let him hug you. Eventually, his grip loosens, and he pull his face from your torso to look up at you. 

"Squeezing you…" He rubs his hands softly over the places he'd gripped. 

"You didn't hurt me. You'd have to try way harder than that, Harrington," you say. 

He reaches up for your face and you let him take it, bending at the waist for a kiss. You ignore the dampness under his eyes at first, thinking maybe that's what he wants. You kiss him all wonky in your desperation to feel it, and you laugh wetly as you lean back. 

You wipe his cheeks. "I love you," you say, and you both fill up with tears again. 

"This is embarrassing," Steve says, laughing with you.

You nod fiercely. Super embarrassing. 

You wouldn't have it any other way, though. You throw your arms around his neck for a second time and kiss the top of his head until you can't feel your lips.