#(this is all about a headmate btw)

[404shcats]

At least his little brothers tag has more posts in it than his, I still wanna bash his head into a wall though. -Angel

[foxoftheasterisk]

omg y'all BEST session of d&d

so, my character is plural

going in I knew there was a high chance of this being revealed this session because, of the two headmates that had yet appeared, one had just been re-traumatized and the other was under a lot of strain, AND the party had just found a gem inside a mind flayer skull which negatively affected the system in a very noticeable way

so, i expected to be interrogated by a couple of the more ... aggressively paranoid party members

i did NOT expect one of the party members to bond with the fucking mind flayer gem and cause a confrontation

so here's the scene: the paladin, ranger, and I return to the other three party members who were guarding the gem. the paladin pulls out the lead lined box we had made; the pirate pulls out the gem.

now, any time this thing is exposed to the air, near my character, it inflicts them with basically magical migraines. tinnitus/buzzing, mild headache, and just general bad time.

so, the paladin asks the pirate to put the gem in the box. the pirate, in return, asks the paladin to give him the box, only not with his voice; apparently the gem gave him telepathy.

this is a MASSIVE trigger for my character who starts switching back and forth rapidly, both headmates basically having panic attacks and being totally nonresponsive.

the fighter starts freaking out & trying to take care of me, meanwhile the paladin & the pirate are still having their standoff.

after a few back and forths of neither budging, the ranger and the sorcerer step in... but on different sides. the ranger shoots the paladin, instantly crits, and we go into initiative. (I somehow won the initiative but my character did nothing but cry and wail.)

sorcerer attempts to tackle the pirate, fails. ranger attempts to shoot again, fails. pirate successfully takes the box from the paladin, finally puts the gem away, and hides it in his cloak.

we all take a moment as a breather, because holy shit we just went into initiative against each other!!

and right into that moment, I bust out:

"Who the FUCK are you, where the FUCK am I, why the FUCK is it so cold?!"

ding! new headmate unlocked, and they don't remember shit

[the-mighty-nappa]

oh god fuckin- LMAO. I think the worst thing about being plural is having a headmate just absolutely be the yearning demon on your cock. Why did you uncork the bottle of yearning? How did you find the bottle of yearning for a SPECIFIC PERSON what the fuck. ...and then the more feral one is just rattling the fucking cage bars like eric andre. I CAN"T AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[rainbow-glittery-gutz]

Still loving your headmates while still not wanting DID can absolutely co-exist btw

Someone had the nerves to accuse our co-host of romanticizing DID all bc he vented about not wanting DID while still mentioning he still loves us despite it bc he didn't want us to see it and feel like we were hated

[orange-orchard-system]

"dehumanization is the weapon of the enemy and it is wrong to do to anyone" also goes for systems btw.

Dehumanization is the process of denying someone's humanity or personhood; to say they do not occupy the same position as a full human person, and as such, are not to be treated as a full human person. It's often used as the reasoning behind being cruel to someone – "They're not a person like you and I, so it's okay to treat them as lesser.", essentially. It's not always as clear-cut as "this thing isn't a person", nor will those dehumanizing others always realize that's what they're doing, but it's typically an intentional effort to divorce "acceptable humans" from "unacceptable monsters/things/devils".

Dehumanization is a shitty thing to do. It is still a shitty thing to do when the victims are systems and/or the headmates in systems.

Whether you see our selves, or the selves of anyone else, as people, parts, or anything else, you need to treat us like people. Denying us this position of personhood is to deny us rights and respect. To do so is to declare that we are lesser than you, that you don't need to listen to or care about us; that it's okay to treat us poorly and differently. To prevent this, then (and some system punching you in the face down the line, sorry not sorry, talk shit get hit (especially when your "shit" is a key component of fascism)), you must learn to recognize when you are treating us not only as other, but as lesser.

If you force parts language onto all of us with the excuse that it's impossible to be more than one person in a single body, you're dehumanizing systems. If you tell headmates that they're not allowed to use the same vocabulary as real people – whoops, I mean singlets [PT: real people – whoops, I mean singlets / end PT] to describe themselves, you're dehumanizing systems. If you make a rule that introjects are not allowed to go by their own names in your community, but real people – whoops, I mean singlets [PT: real people – whoops, I mean singlets / end PT] who happen to have those same names are allowed to, you're dehumanizing systems. If you deny us the right to have our own religious and spiritual beliefs the second those beliefs involve our plurality, you're dehumanizing systems. If your argument is "this would be fine if you were a real person [PT: a real person / end PT] the only one in your body, but you're not, so it's not", congratulations! You are dehumanizing systems. You are denying them the position of personhood. I do not trust you, you need to take a step back and correct yourself, and until you do that, I don't think you're a safe person for any marginalized group or person to be around, since you've shown yourself to be someone who is all-too-happy to buy into the excuses of why it's okay if we're treated like shit.

I want to make it clear that this isn't an argument against parts language. Some systems or individual headmates don't like to call themselves people and choose to call themselves parts, and that's fine. But no matter the language someone(s) uses for themselves, you still need to treat them like people. You need to watch the way you talk about us, you need to unpack your pluralphobia and sanism, and you need to respect each headmate as an individual with their own thoughts, emotions, opinions, experiences, and worldviews, even when that means simultaneously respecting them as part of a whole. Some systems using parts language is not an excuse to treat them, or any other system, like shit. Respecting how someone wishes to be referred to does not give you free range to disrespect them in other ways.

"But isn't it impossible to be more than one person in a single body?" Personhood is a concept, not a law of nature, as seen by how easy it is to take it away. Therefore, whether it's "impossible" is not only irrelevant, but impossible to determine for certain. Whether or not individual headmates meet some arbitrary standard for personhood*, you still need to show them the respect you would anyone who is the only being in their body. You need to hold your gddamn tongue [PT: hold your gddamn tongue / end PT] if you don't believe it's possible to have more than one person or self or part or anything else in the same bodymind. I do not care about your personal beliefs, have whatever philosophical views you want, just don't make them the problem of anyone else. Don't share your opinion where it's not explicitly asked for, and don't be surprised if you're called an asshole for telling strangers that you don't consider them real people.

* We don't even have a standard, btw! There is no standard! We're still figuring out how to define consciousness, and you think personhood is somehow a concrete, perfectly defined, and universally understood idea? You must be joking if you think it's some sort of law of the universe that one body = one person. Get out of here.

"But (marginalized group/person said) –" yeah, I hate to tell you this, but you can be part of a marginalized group and still a fucking asshole. Especially when it comes to a group you don't know much about and don't interact with all that often, thus leaving your preconceived biased unchallenged. It doesn't become okay to dehumanize a group just because you're not top of the pecking order. Transphobia is still transphobia when it comes from a cis woman; pluralphobia is still pluralphobia and dehumanization is still dehumanization when it comes from someone who is part of a marginalized group.

"But this headmate doesn't identify as human!" Yeah, cool, not an excuse to be an asshole to them or treat them as lesser. Seriously, this is not a comeback. "I think it's okay to treat others badly if they identify in a way I don't like despite it harming no one and obviously being important to them." isn't an own. And neither is the implication that it's okay to treat anything that isn't a human like shit; this just makes it sound like you're fine with animal abuse.

Dehumanization is basic cruelty that borrows from the fascist playbook. It's wrong to do to anyone, and that includes systems and individual headmates. Systems, plurals, and all others who are more-than-one – you don't have to sit and take it. You can tell them off for it. You can tell them this is unacceptable. You can tell them exactly what flavor of shit they're spewing. You deserve the full respect and rights that anyone else is given. Spit in the face of bigots. And may everyone who's ever been dehumanized for being more-than-one find unexpected luck this week – you deserve it for ever having to put up with such bullshit.

[buntress]

⌖ What Is Non-Harmful Transitioning?

[PT :: What is non-harmful transitioning?]

As the term Desirdae has become more popular, a thing I have noticed is people not understanding what "non-harmful transitioning" means. Which is quite fair! It's a very, very vague term that can be used in a multitude of ways. So, in order to curb this slightly, I feel it necessary to elaborate on what, to me at least, non-harmful transitioning entails. If the original coiner, @ghosting-plural-userboxes or @desirdae-archive would like to add anything I would love that! Ty for making this term btw, it's been genuinely so helpful <3

───

⌖ What is harmful transitioning?

[PT :: What is harmful transitioning]

I think in order to get into what non-harmful transitioning is, we should first get into what qualifies as harmful transitioning. So, to me, harmful transitioning is as follows ::

Transitioning by using methods of self harm, such as cutting, burning, bleaching ones skin, etc.

Transitioning by harming others, whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually // metaphysically.

Transitioning by putting yourself in traumatic situations, such as putting oneself in a situation to be groomed, assaulted, physically or emotionally harmed, etc.

Transitioning to have a disorder // disability one does not have, such as harming oneself in order to acquire a physical disability or enacting stereotypical behaviors to "act" as if they have a certain mental illness or disability.

Transitioning in a way that harms minorities of all kinds. Such as using blackface, yellowface, asianfishing, etc in order to "transition" towards different POC identities.

Transitioning to hateful and bigoted ideologiess that harm others.

Simply put, transitioning in a way that actively harms yourself or others is harmful transitioning.

───

⌖ So, what is non-harmful transitioning?

[PT :: So, what is non-harmful transitioning?]

Having gotten some basics of what counts as harmful transitioning out of the way, let's get onto examples of non-harmful transitioning!

Dyeing ones hair as a form of transition.

Partaking in more foods of a specific culture in order to feel more comfortable, while acknowledging one is not part of that culture (this enters a grey area with headmates, as not everything is black and white)

Accepting ones disabled traits, that they already have, and learning that no matter how they experience it, it is enough.

Learning more about cultures in order to feel more comfortable with yourself, while still acknowledging you are not a part of that culture. (Again, gets muddy when it comes to headmates)

Getting piercings, body modifications, etc done by professionals as a form of transition.

Starting HRT or other forms of medical transitioning.

Getting cosmetic surgeries (nothing that would change the appearance of your own race, of course) done by professionals as a form of transition.

And likely many other ways to do it that aren't harmful! There are really, truly, so many ways to go about this that aren't harmful I promise you. I can think of an infinite number of ways to do this stuff non-harmfully.

───

⌖ What makes Desirdae different from TransID?

[PT :: What makes Desirdae different from TransID?]

Simply the means of which one may transition. Desirdae is firmly anti-harmful transitioning for any reason while TransID is pro all forms of transition, harmful or not. You can see this in terms like transnazi, transrace, transplural, and many transharmful identities that it is often encouraged to transition into these things, despite the harm such things do. Desirdae, on the other hand, actively discourages harmful transitioning. So while things like Desirharmful, Desirskintone, etc do exist it is actively said by the creators that one should not harmfully transition into these terms. I will say, many do not make it clear that for some terms there is no way to non-harmfully transition*. But I chock this up to people being, rightfully, tired of constantly having to explain their experience with this term isn't inherently harmful. But it is still an issue I believe should be fixed when possible. * [PT :: there is no way to non-harmfully transition]

───

I understand the worries many have towards Desirdae. We do not want just another TransID clone to take over and create yet another space full of radqueers who push for things like legalization of non-consensual relationships or what have you. That is a fair worry to have, and it was a worry I initially had as well. But in exploring these terms and the community that they have fostered, I have found that this is quite the opposite. It is a community based purely on consent, recovery, and a safe space for people to speak on their issues where as radqueer and transID often push anti-recovery and anti-consent rhetoric. This is the key difference between these two terms, I believe. One feeds into harmful behaviors and seemingly pushes people to the worst versions of themselves while the other is more of a "hey, I understand these feelings, I feel this way too, it's not OK but we can recover together."

If I missed anything, am incorrect about something, or if one has questions I myself am more than happy to answer. While this is not a term and community I created, it is one I am happy to be a part of and want to grow into something helpful.

Thank you for reading, I hope you all have a lovely day. Remember to be kind, anger towards fellow mentally ill queers does nothing but push the agenda of the oppressors <3

[syscest]

[not a confession] y'all mentioned sys4sys sex now i'm, curious about the intrasystem sex basics.... i don't even know where to begin looking for info on this, but i'd like to be more intimate with my headmates. can y'all talk a little bit more about that or share any tips. thanks a bunch (anyone can share tips btw)

hi ^^

so intrasystem sex ends up being a lot more complicated and individualized than intersystem stuff in our experience. a lot of it comes down to how your individual experience of systemhood works.

for folks with fully realised "headspaces" where it feels like headmates all hang out while not in front. headmates interacting with each other, or having fucked in headspace, is sometimes just like. a fact of life. or at least that's what I'm led to believe.

we personally don't have much of a headspace, and interactions seperate from the body tend to feel pretty floaty to us. it's good for flirting or bullying your headmates, but doesn't manage sex for us.

if you're capable of co-consciousness, or even just fairly rapid switches, we can definitely recommend masturbating together. mutual masturbation counts as sex for folks in different bodies, so why should the shared body experience be different.

getting off to smut that you can project a fantasy about you and your headmate onto and passing control of your body back and forth in the process, is probably our most common method here.

at the same time having a headmate instruct you how to get off, or order you to do particular things. is very hot. and once again a kind of kink/sex you can do with people in other bodies, that translates pretty easily to in-system sex if you're co-con.

if you have the ability to be co-con and also pass control of parts of the body back and forth, you can also sometimes get the sensation of another headmate touching you through the body (e.g. their use of a shared hand on your use of the shared face). or, if they can immobilise parts of your body for you, you can sometimes get a good approximation of what it might feel like having them pin those parts of you down.

even if you can't share bodily control, you can try things like having one headmate put the body in restraints (collar and a leash tied around a bedpost, cuffs around the ankles - normal kink precautions apply make sure it's something all ur headmates can undo in a pinch) and then switch out of front, leaving another headmate tied up in a compromising position. while it might not be a direct headmate on headmate interaction, you're still very much doing a kink scene with your headmate.

if you don't have the capacity to talk back and forth in your head or similar, things get a bit more difficult from here. sexting your headmates or leaving them slutty pics in a private chat for them to read later is always an option. as is just getting off thinking about them and seeing if they express opinions about that later.

our experience is a blend of a lot of the above, and we've found a solid horny rapport between headmates can be really positive. getting caught off guard by a headmate's horny thoughts and stumbling to catch your breath? having a headmate throw you onto your bed. grope you. tease you. push you around? getting collared and leashed to the bed and left to relax half naked and feeling very cute about it? finding porn that reminds you of another system member and masturbating furiously while you tell them what you'd do to them? being ordered to cum in a glass and then swallow your/your headmate's cum? well it all ends up a nice pleasant blur of experiences, at least for our own median-ish system.

if anyone else has tips or experiences feel free to chime in. again what works best for you will likely be very individual and require some trial and error to figure out ^^

[funnier-as-a-system]

okay, this is gonna sound super stupid, but I desperately need advice:

does talking to other people in your head to comfort yourself count as being on the plurality spectrum?? I'm not educated on it by any means, and sometimes its just my own thoughts, and sometimes theres other people in my head. Am i just making this all up??? Im actually kinda nervous ab this , so any advice is welcome ,,

(other info: I also disassociate sometimes too, just going throughout my days just living in my head / talking to myself, or feeling like nothing is real ,, )

It very well may be plurality! In fact, I'd say it almost certainly sounds like it!

In plurality, there is more than one self-aware self or being occupying the same body. This includes situations of multiple people sharing the same body who talk to each other (and comfort each other). The question for you, then, is this: are these people you talk to self-aware? Or are they simple figures you imagine to bring you comfort? (There's no shame in the second, btw!)

Since you talk to them, it seems like the best course of action may be to just ask them whether or not they consider themselves their own people, or headmates. If they answer "yes", well, that's that, isn't it? You've got multiple people in your head who can think for themselves! (And if you feel like you're controlling or strongly guiding their answer, well, that's an indicator in the other direction, isn't it?) Now, this may get a bit tricky since it's sometimes your own thoughts that you talk to, but I assume there's a distinction between your thoughts and these other people that you can make and recognize whenever you talk to yourself or them. I also acknowledge that self-doubt is an annoying burr when it comes to things like this, and your initial reaction may be, "But what if I just imagine/make up their answer?" – in these cases, there's not much you can do except do your best to trust your headmates that they're speaking for themselves, but if you're especially worried about it, looking for corroborative evidence of plurality – like switches, memory gaps, differences in opinion between yourself and your headmates, etc. – may help you shut down those fears of making it all up. Speaking of...

The dissociation you mention also sounds like another indicator that you may be plural, as systems often experience dissociation like that. Granted, so do those with immersive daydreaming, but that just loops us back around to the question of whether or not these people in your head are temporary figments of your imagination you conjure up for the purpose of comfort or a daydream narrative, or just people living in there who comfort you when you need it. And if you've got a feeling one way or the other just based on the way I'm talking about them... follow it. It's probably the right one.

I very much doubt that you're making all this up; whether or not you're plural, you're definitely experiencing something, and you wouldn't request advice if that something didn't matter to you. With all honesty, I'm trying to do my best to cover all possibilities here just in case, but if this weren't already a conversation about you questioning if you're a system, I would be suggesting that you look into the idea of plurality from the moment you mentioned these other people in your head.

In conclusion, while I'd never decide for someone else whether or not they're on the plurality spectrum, it does sound very, very likely to me that you are. "I have people in my head who comfort me and aren't just my own thoughts." is a very, very plural thing to say.

If you'd like to learn more about plurality, I recommend checking out morethanone and healthymultiplicity.com. They're good resources for those new to plurality, as well as those questioning if they're plural.

I hope this helps!

[neon-vocalist]

things i used to do that hurt my headmates: a non-all-inclusive list, vecause i think it is important to acknowledge when we as hosts do things wrong, but also that mistakes are a part of learning you’re plural and everyone makes them.

1. joke that i didn’t want them there / give them a poor reception. my immediate reaction to “hi, i’m here” used to be “no the fuck you’re not.” they’d say “hi!” and i’d say “no.” especially if they were fictives. they’d give me their name, and i’d go “ohhhh, nooooo, i refuse to believe it,” and it was funny to me and to my friends, but it ended up severely impacting the way they felt around me.

2. see them for their jobs. for a long time, my headmates were more like co workers. i would say things to them that kind of just boiled them down to what they did, from “why are you here? we don’t need protecting” to “i don’t get why so-and-so split, they don’t do anything for me.” now i make an effort to see them for who they are, not what they do for me.

3. lock up our persecutors. i know many systems who’ve done this and many systems who say they will if they need to. i have been in spaces where people advertise “alter jail” and things like that, or give tips on how to create one. while our version of isolating our persecutor was putting him in a tupperware container and not a jail cell, it’s still imprisonment and i don’t think i need to explain why this one is harmful.

4. shit talk them behind their backs. i guess i still kind of do this. i panic and i take the side of whoever’s gossiping about them, and i usually end up saying things about them i would never actually believe. i need to get better at standing up for them.

5. give everyone info on them and their dirty laundry. i used to use my headmates as conversation points. “oh we split someone new btw, they’re x and y and do z,” or “oh, did i tell you about the drama with a and b?” when really the drama is none of my or my friend’s business, and they end up feeling betrayed that i’d tell someone about them like that.

6. act like i was The Valid One. i acted like i got to make the decisions, like everyone revolves around me, and that it was truly MY system— i would order them around, make them do shit i didn’t want to do, and hold myself higher than them. it was me and my alters, and i always got priority.

7. force them to speak. i would make them introduce themselves to everyone we talked to and put introductions in our journal and private server. it didn’t matter if they didn’t want to be known, to me it was essential that all our friends had all the information. even at the expense of my headmates’ comfort.

i don’t do this stuff anymore, and i know it’s fucked up. there’s also things i’ve seen other hosts do that are harmful, and i do my best to call them on it (gently, of course). but i think it’s important to acknowledge that we fuck up and we’ve moved on instead of pretending it never happened and we were always perfect.

[pluralhottakes]

it’s so frustrating seeing anti endos spread psychological misinfo.

“Viewing alters as separate people is anti recovery every therapist will tell you that” no no they fucking won’t. It’s NOT FUCKING ANTI RECOVERY TO NOT VIEW YOURSELF AS PARTS OF A WHOLE.

“You HAVE to try and reach FF to recover” fuck off no you fucking don’t.

“Well the DSM says that x x x” no no it really doesn’t. The DSM is just a tool to help professionals diagnose and treat patients. Also your taking it way to fucking literally and also ignoring all nuance and context(also the DSM recognizes spiritual plurality btw)

I’m so fucking sick of anti endos not know shit about psychology

- sincerely a psychology nerd that happens to be plural

Anti-endos are miserable because they disrespect their headmates and don't see them as people but intrusions on their lives

So many anti-endos view their systems as something negative.

That's why they hate pro-endos and endogenic systems because when a traumagenic system is pro-endo they usually don't have that self hate or the disrespect toward their system that anti-endos do.

Like they really need to get over themselves.

Seriously.

[abysshare]

Are you normal about introject relationships btw.

No i mean for real.

Are you ?

Content creator factives who date other content creator factives.

Problematic factives dating other problematic factives.

A headmate Markiplier factive dating a JackSepticeye factive.

A headmate Wilbur soot dating Angel Dust.

A headmate Vanny ( GAME universe ) dating a William Afton.

A headmate Anakin dating a Pinkie Pie and a Sans Undertale, who's in a QP with a factive of someone irl.

A headmate based off an OC x dating a fictive.

A factive dating a OCtive. Etc etc.

An adult Catnap dating an adult Frisk headmate.

I say this because sometimes i feel like not so much. I feel like when someone puts a ship in their DNI i always worry that they are including System relationships. Which they aren't, i doubt a major of them knows what a system is or how that works.

But its still worrying. I don't really see people talk about it, because i guess its not as common or maybe they're worried too?

That they'll seem creepy because Their headmates split too early before knowing the big plot twist is their sources are family.

Or that sometimes kid sourced characters, split and are grown up and not at all children ( unless they age slide or are regressors ).

Or that thats just how THEIR relationship works, whether its exomemories or sources or NOT.

Headmates are PEOPLE, with their own choices ( even when its harder for some ). I get so tired of this thinking of that if one headmate has an opinion or interest or whatever, the whole system has the same one, when that isn't always the case.

For singlets or people who do not understand, that would be like if YOU wanted to make cake, but someone else in your group wanted to make pie, well now all the other groups believe you like pie and want to make pie. They're just assuming because someone in your group wanted to make pie, now you do too.

this post goes out to the systems who are too afraid to say anything. To the systems that want to be heard and seen.

( Note: OP is PRO Endo/Nontraumagenic, however does not mind if RESPECTFUL neutral/antis who dont care about discourse reblogs/likes.

Please NO DISCOURSE on this post or about this post. This is just me rambling more than anything.

Also no shipcourse, thats not what this post is about. /srs )

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

on personal post talking about how Face of Nonverbal HSN Autism should not be me, not only someone savior & unsolicitedly gave list of nonverbal HSN people to follow that did not ask for nor did post imply ask for, among those people list include people have issues with, & not only that, that person include this at end of post

“They all have different DNIs so please check that before following but please check them out. This list does not include everyone either.”

except…. this my DNI in pinned post:

[transcript: “get the fuck out if you "transage" "transx" "transid" "transabled" "transautistic" "trans severity" "transrace" etc. AND those who call self "cisautistic" "cisdisabled" etc. AND supporter. you are not welcomed here i hate you hope you explode to million pieces. (this not about transgender disabled people or transracial adoptee btw).” end transcript. sentence about cisabled highlighted. there is no space between trans and abled and cis and abled]

and this their pinned post

[transcript: Hermione Lestrange is a transabusive headmate. / She uses she/they pronouns. Her signature is [an emoji couldn’t copy] / We'll introduce more people as more post. / We have cisADHD, cisautism and cis-clinical depression. end transcript. transabusive, cisADHD, cisautism, cis-clinical depression highlighted and not have space between prefix and word.]

am not poor poor helpless person that need you condescending saving and. also. maybe follow own fucking advice

[daphnefisherofficial]

bugna: TAKIPSILIM | destiny's twilight

CHAPTER TWENTY

Pairing: MCU Moon Knight System (Marc/Steven/Jake) x Avatar Fem!Reader

masterlist | previous | next chapter

(A/N: Sooooooo, I'm back. I'm REAAAALLLLYYYY sorry it took me long to post this. So many things have happened in the past year, very long story btw so I wouldn't dwell on it. I won't keep you waiting anymore so here's the next chapter. More updates are coming soon so stay tuned)

CHAPTER TWENTY - THE DOORWAY OF ACCURSED MEMORIES.

“Shall we begin, then?” you whispered softly, taking Steven’s hands as your deep indigo ceremonial priestess robes and his clean-cut white suit as Mr. Knight started materializing on your bodies, the intricate patterns of both fabrics heavy with history and magic as you prepared to cast the spell. 

“We shall”, Steven nodded, his gaze unwavering as he heard Marc and Jake’s collective approval inside his head. With practiced precision, you began to create a spell circle around the two of you, chanting in your native tongue the ancient words that would lift the veil on your collective memories long forgotten. 

The energy swirled around you and Steven, creating a glowing circle of runes and symbols that pulsed with a powerful, ancient energy as you channeled Khonshu's moon prowess through his Moon Knight and your own unique brand of magic. The very air around you crackled with anticipation, and the atmosphere grew heavy with a sense of impending revelation.

Your eyes and the tattoos in your respective jugular notches began to glow with otherworldly light, a rush of memories and emotions surged within your shared consciousness. Your sanctum began to transform as the walls slowly faded away, as you and Steven were seemingly suspended in the cosmos itself. The world around you blurred, and time seemed to lose its meaning as the complex spell finally took hold. 

The vaguely familiar night sky of Cairo greeted you and Steven as both your feet slowly felt the familiar coarseness of the desert sands beneath you. Marc Spector and Jake Lockley slowly materialized at your respective sides, garbed in their respective ceremonial suits of armor as Moon Knight. To the British chap, this was strangely reminiscent of the time that they spent in Duat where their respective bodies were physically apart, albeit assisted by a strong, powerful illusion spell.

“This was the night Steven and I kept dreaming about”, Marc spoke first before unmasking himself, his hazel brown irises reflecting curiosity. “Was this the same dream you’re having, Mira?”

“Yes, this was it”, you nodded in agreement as you watched the lost memory of your arrival in astral form together with Khonshu to the Cairo desert to aid Steven and Layla in finding Ammit’s tomb. Watching the Egyptian god of the moon converse with the two individuals before him made you slowly remember that fateful night when you had moved the constellations themselves to stop the devourer of souls from achieving her goal.

You began to hear Khonshu’s celestial voice echoing in your own head along with your own and your moon goddess, as your memories long buried like treasure hidden in the depths of the sea began to resurface.

I beseech you, Mira. Lend half of your life force to them. Save my avatars.

Help me, my goddess Mayari. Lend me your strength and power.

Only this once, Mira.

“You really were there with us”, Steven spoke in amazement as his headmates and himself watched Khonshu wither away as the Ennead trapped him in the ushabti. As you watched the man before you collapsed in the desert, it was primarily your own voice that you could hear this time around.

It cannot end like this. I will not let you die - any of you.

Arise, Moon Knight. With the power of the moon, I grant you half of my life.

“It was really you all along”, Marc realized, his rough, textured hand uncharacteristically gentle as he slowly held your own smooth porcelain wrist with a reassuring expression. “You saved all of us”

You slowly nodded at Marc’s words as tears welled up in your eyes, finally recalling the selfless act of sharing your life force with Marc, Steven, and Jake through a divine kiss. A larger chunk of the puzzle pieces were now in place to complete the picture, yet you cannot help but think that there’s more to what was currently unfolding.

“Hang on to me”, you beckoned to Marc, Jake and Steven as they swiftly held onto your shoulders and hands. As you anticipated, you chanted the continuation of your moon spell, prompting your current surroundings to shift once again as the memory version of your astral form was pulled back to your waiting body in London.

The four of you finally descended in another one of your lost memories, finding yourselves only a few months prior in the same attic room of your London home. You watched your memory version succumb to the exhaustion of aiding Khonshu, your eyelids drooped heavily as a powerful sleep spell overtook your being. You then witnessed your body collapsing in the arms of your patron goddess, Mayari.

Forgive me, Mira, for what I’m about to do.

A familiar heavenly whisper echoed in your mind once again, the once blurry memories coming into complete focus as you heard your moon goddess quietly seeking your forgiveness before the luminous light of her moon powers enveloped your mind in a mintala (ancient curse) of her making. 

“Isang makapangyarihang mintala ang aking igagawad sa aking napiling alagad”, Mayari spoke, chanting in her ancient, native language as she invoked her own divine prowess. “Kanyang malilimot ang lahat ng mga kaganapan ngayong gabi, kasabay ng paglimot ng kanyang mga katipan ng parehong mga alaalang nag-uugnay sa kanilang lahat. Siya niya ring malilimot ang mga alaala ng mag-uugnay sa kanyang irog at ngayo’y muling nagkatawang-tao sa pamamagitan ng kanyang mga katipan”

A powerful ancient curse shall be placed upon my chosen. She, as well as her soulmates, will forget the events of tonight as such memories that unite and bind them shall be forgotten and buried beneath forever. She will also forget her memories of her greatest love now reincarnated into this world, whose souls are bound to be fragmented forevermore.

“She really did this to me”, you whispered, feeling your own stomach drop at Mayari’s betrayal.

“Lo siento, cariño”, Jake sighed, looking at you forlornly before glancing at both Marc and Steven, whose expressions mirrored both disbelief and pity as they collectively watched you take a few steps back to try and collect yourself.

“But why?” your strangled whisper almost didn’t escape your lips, your own heart thundering inside your chest at the revelation.

At that moment, you caught Steven’s eyes as you watched him let out a surprised gasp. You immediately whipped back to the direction of your attic’s entrance, watching the door in it transform into a familiar mahogany door, its rich, reddish brown hue and native carvings reminding you of your old homeland.

“I’m not going bonkers, am I, Marc?” Steven’s eyes widened at what had just unfolded before him. “Or am I having deja vu from what happened with us at the Duat?”

“What do you mean, Steven?” you immediately asked, equally puzzled at what has just transpired. “Marc, what is he saying?”

“There was a time when the two - sorry, three - of us died and came back to life”, Marc started to explain, with Jake rolling his eyes at his mental triplet’s correction. “It’s a long story how we ended up dying, but our souls were sent to the Duat, as Steven said. Our hearts were weighed by that hippo– sorry, what was her name again?”

“Taweret, the goddess of women and children”, Steven responded. “She was the one who weighed our hearts against the feather of truth. Honestly, it should’ve been…”

“Anubis”, you ended up saying, prompting a brief silence as you quietly absorbed what they just said. “Steven, you said you were having a deja vu from seeing that door. What do you mean?”

“Well, when we were told that our scales wouldn’t balance”, Steven continued. “Taweret suggested that Marc and I showed one another the truth about our lives to hopefully bring balance. I remembered doing it by going through those kind of doors, like a doorway to our memories, you know”

“A doorway to our memories”, you echoed, repeating Steven’s words as your eyes gazed at the mahogany door before you once again. “This must be mine”

Mira, moon of my life.

“Ugh, Steven, when did you ever speak like that?” Marc whipped his head back at Steven, who now looked incredulously at his head mate, his eyes gone wide with utter confusion.

“I didn’t say that!”

I am truly sorry for leaving you.

“It wasn’t any of us”, Jake whispered to his mental brothers, his own eyes now darting to yours whose sole focus was now on the haunting whispers emanating from the mahogany door, now slowly opening and beckoning its owner to be let in. “Mira?”

You didn’t seem to hear Jake’s voice calling after you as your feet shuffled, following the voices now echoing inside your head calling out your name.

I promise to be back, Mira. You have my word.

“Mira!” Marc and Steven’s voices joined Jake’s as they collectively called out your name, trying to break you out of your current trance as they closely followed your every step and warily observing their surroundings for any sign of danger.

You immediately pushed forward, finally opening the remaining door that will unlock the final memory to piece your scattered past together. Pitch black darkness enveloped you and your companions as you took your next steps inside a small room where the only source of light was a golden sarcophagus lying beneath a statue of an Egyptian god sporting the head of a jackal. 

“Anubis”, you whispered out loud, your eyes meeting the only other Egyptian god you were closely acquainted with.

“I cannot believe we are standing before the Egyptian god of funerary rites and the protector of graves”, Steven gasped out loud. “Do you know him, Mira?”

“It seems that I’m supposed to”, Mira’s lips quivered as the first onset of tears gathered beneath her eyes again, immediately alarming Marc, Steven and Jake to your unprecedented reaction. They helplessly watch as you clutched your temple, feeling a strong headache coming through as a myriad of voices suddenly assaulted your head.

Talaga bang igugugol mo ang isang siglo ng buhay mo para lamang ipaghiganti ang pagkamatay niya?

Will you really be spending a century of your life avenging his death?

Wala nang higit pang mahalaga sa akin, Hiraya, kung hindi ang pagbayarin ang isinumpang diwata aking nakasagupa sa kanyang matinding pagkakasala sa akin.

I do not care for anything else, Hiraya. Except that this accursed god shall pay for his most grievous sin against me.

Yumao na si Darius, Mira. Hindi mo na siya muling makikita pa.

Darius is gone, Mira. You will never see him again.

You’ve felt great power slowly pulsing within your body as the last words you heard filled your heart with inexplicable despair and sorrow. The very air around your lungs becomes shallow as you’ve found it extremely difficult to breathe.

“Something’s happening to Mira”, Marc uttered as he held your right hand, feeling it shake vigorously between his palm. “Tell me, baby, what’s wrong?”

“She’s in a trance”, Steven shook his head, witnessing Mira’s eyes glow white as he started to back away in panic. “We need to do something, Jake!”

“Wake up, cariño!” Jake shouted, grabbing Mira’s shoulders as he tried to shake the woman before him awake. “Snap out of it!”

All three men collectively felt the enormous amount of ethereal energy enveloping your whole being before it burst forth from your body, the impact of the moon’s celestial prowess throwing them backwards. As they landed on their buttocks, they witnessed Mira’s raised hands now directed towards the golden sarcophagus, releasing a continuous stream of luminous white energy as the hieroglyphics within glowed ethereal moonlight.

The topmost layer slowly levitated as a result of the powerful spell that was casted, prompting the golden sarcophagus to open with the aid of Khonshu’s moon magic you wielded. Before you lies a man wearing ceremonial armor made out of silver and ebony black fabric. His body was without any signs of decay, as if time itself has suspended beneath the confines of his casket. His facade, however, remained a mystery to you as a jackal’s mask was in its place.

But not for much longer. Your right arm slowly reached out as your fingertips touched the mask’s surface, caressing it slowly as your eyes met the closed ones beneath. Descending at its edge, you tugged the mask upward to finally reveal the identity of Anubis’s avatar and champion.

You were greeted by the sleeping form of an olive skin-toned man lying peacefully on his coffin, the soft structure and angle of his face accompanied by his prominent jawline lightly stubbled being the very first thing you notice. His high and well-defined cheekbones greeted your vision next, slowly realizing the eerie similarities he bore with the three men whose paths you’ve repeatedly crossed with. 

My avatars are intertwined with your destiny closer than you think.

Khonshu’s words finally clicked something in your mind, a profound revelation of the long lost truth that had been hidden from you for far too long. The tears flowed freely from your eyes as the final piece of the puzzle clicked into place, completing the picture of a love that had transcended time itself. The image of Darius Carter, previously hazy as a result of a goddess’s curse, is now taking shape and coming into clear focus.

The hidden memories of your lost love immediately flooded your mind in quick flashes as your past and present life started to collide.

END OF CHAPTER TWENTY.

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[dysfunctionaldogdude]

Hihi, how are you all? /nf, curious

Pearl wants to say hello so I'm typing that for her, I fucking hate how this body won't let anyone else front without a trigger. Stupid suspected P-DID. /nav, lh

Err, I'm not really sure what to say ^^. We wanted to maybe ask about updates with new headmates if you wanna share? Apologies if we sound always prying, we're just always very curious. /lh, very nf, gen

Uhh, in turn I'll give updates about Yellow Diamond. She has the mother figure role for me (I think me, might be a tad blurred), and also she's kind of like.. Err, a boomer. Essentially asks us a lot about things, like the need to sleep, who people are.. She's on her throne a lot as well.

Tell Pearl I say hi!! - And yeah that does suck :(

I don't mind! People can pretty much ask me anything [as long as it doesn't pass boundaries or isn't gross/illegal] I just need people to accept the answers I give them since people don't listen 💀/not at you

I was fixing up my claws before I answered rn :) I think Pearl was helping me with that and I believe she scolded me for only clipping one toe claw and helped me clip the rest lol

Lapis seems to be kinda just hanging back just watching, not why but they still are sticking close

Also that's charming :) glad you have your diamond too btw!! Idk if I said that yet

[lemonade-luvr]

^ not even all of us just people who are most active atm. we wont even care about the results we just like competing w eachother

[fictionkinfessions]

https://fictionkinfessions.tumblr.com/post/757127521020133376/im-not-sure-this-is-the-right-place-to-ask-but-i

If you're asking for the difference between fictionkin and fictives (alters/headmates with fictional identities)?

I'd say the main difference is that fictionkin have a pre-existing identity or sense of self that they were aware of prior to discovering their kintype(s). Often– but not always– one that will reflect or vindicate their fictionkin identity in retrospect.

Fictives, on the other hand, first become aware of ourselves through the lens of our fictional identity. We have no pre-existing sense of self that predates that, although we can change and become different over time just like anyone else.

Metaphorically or literally, I see it as if fictionkin were reincarnated at birth and fictives were just reincarnated yesterday. One has had time to change before remembering who they used to be; one is starting from where they left off.

This is making some generalizations out of necessity though, and it's important to remember that every fictive is different and everyone has the right to their own perceptions about themselves and their identity.

Some fictives do relate very strongly to fictionkin experiences, while some don't resonate with them at all. Some fictives have metaphysical beliefs about their existence, while some view their existence as psychological phenomena. The important thing is that all these experiences are equally deserving of respect, and your best bet is always to just ask someone how they perceive themselves and listen to what they describe.

(Also, as a fictive, genuinely thank you for your interest in this. It's always nice to see people asking questions rather than being weirdly dehumanizing towards us or arguing back and forth about whether we're more 'valid' than fictionkin or not. We're both equally valid btw, just different. ♥️)

x