#(only because i regularly forget they exist)

[front-facing-pokemon]

[bonefall]

Do Clerics have like. Doctor-patient confidentiality in general?

[Shrek meme: "They don't even have HIPAA"]

Nope. ZERO protections babey, the Cleric is a tiny Pope without a funny hat. They can do whatever they want unless the OTHER unaccountable religious cult leader decides to do something about it.

Cats like Featherwhisker, Spottedleaf, Runningnose, and Jayfeather are hit with realizations about this. For a few simple restrictions... you have nearly unquestionable power. You answer directly to StarClan. The amount of influence you have over a Clan is actually kind of insane.

The "Leader's Rights" and "Cleric's Vow" commandments were attempts to reign in the power of Clerics, with a lot of collateral damage. The Cleric is only overruled by the direct command of a leader, which means that the Cleric can ALWAYS act first unless the Leader pre-empts them.

Pearstar was a Cleric who violently overthrew Morningstar, before the invention of the Leader's Rights. The Leader's Rights were created in response to Larkstripe's Cleric Strike.

[kneejerknuck]

why are anonymous oilers fans jumping into ur dms to complain and play “gotcha” on tumblr dot com of all places…i fear reddit is the website they’re best suited for bc where is the whimsy!

i brought it on myself by mentioning them in one SINGLE post in a fit of post win elation last night

i do, however, agree that reddit is a better platform for their particular brand of fandom

[koffing-time]

❦!!! [For Safrina and Quartz]

[Dear Zygarde a child. please stay safe kid. I know adults worry too much but ranger work can be dangerous. Be careful]

[wait there's also that other one. who exactly is that? Like... a sibling? a ghost? a friend? what?]

[prefrontal-bastard]

I’m not sure if this is permitted in other countries, but here in the US, advertisers are allowed to use any kind of malignant psychology they want in their ads so long as those ads fit within the allotted time-frame.

Back in high school, my class watched a video on how a certain Coca-Cola advertisement was made. You may have seen it, but for those who haven’t: The ad featured a cinematic montage of a crowded beach with smiling thin white people enjoying their leisure time and drinking Coca-Cola out of a common plastic bottle.

The big takeaway from this video was that the ad wasn’t actually advertising Coca-Cola. It was advertising a lifestyle. By associating Coca-Cola with a desirable lifestyle (as well as qualities associated with desirability) it plants the association of “Coca-Cola” with “happiness” in people’s subconscious minds.

This becomes clear when you consider who the ad was meant for. The target audience wasn’t the smiling thin white people that the ad featured, but instead it was people who wanted to be smiling thin white people. This was an ad for the Gen X mom of three kids who worked full-time, who relied on shelf-stable foods to keep everyone fed, and whose nervous system was chronically fried from the stress of never having adequate time for herself.

If she was at the grocery store, and saw the very same bottle of Coca-Cola featured in that ad, she’d be far more likely to pick it up than she was before watching it. If she didn’t anticipate finding relief for her stress, then she could at least drink up the idea of it.

Of course, the thing about ads is that they stop working. Eventually, people’s minds grow wise to the fact buying a certain product doesn’t actually grant them the lifestyle associated with them.

But there’s a lot of other tricks ads employ beyond this.

The reason why Geico is the first company you consider when thinking about buying car insurance is because of the calm, consistent nature of their ads and the fact they’re ubiquitous enough to be familiar. Their mascot forms a kind of parasocial rapport with the audience, so Geico already feels familiar to you by the time you’re looking to buy insurance.

Cereal brands use cartoon-character-like mascots to make their product memorable to kids who can’t read. The reason why so many cereal mascots exhibit such frenetic, possessive behavior is to teach kids to emulate that behavior to compel parents into buying them the cereal, especially if they saw that behavior rewarded in the ad (with the cereal).

You only really see ads for apps on an app-based devices for a reason.

Then there are the ads that don’t look like ads, but look like people on TikTok sharing a new secret product with their audience using the only communication format we regularly trust: word-of-mouth.

And let’s not forget the sheer magnitude of ads that exist. I can’t go outside without seeing them. I can’t watch videos online without exposing myself to ads that wants to skewer my emotions within 10 seconds.

There’s no reprieve from it unless I wall myself off from our culture entirely.

Ads are parasites to both culture and to cognition, and they must be regulated.

[cryptotheism]

hey ct :) the other day i posted some medieval music theory diagrams and i was really struck by how similar some of them look to kabbalistic diagrams, which made me wonder about the intersection of musicology and cosmology/philosophy/occultism (?) in general, particularly in the middle ages. obviously this is an extremely broad topic, sorry. i just feel like from a modern standpoint it's easy to forget how essential the study of music theory was to the medieval education system and how intertwined it was with arithemtic and geometry. so i'm just curious, are there any medieval thinkers/traditions that come to your mind that took abstract structures proposed by music theory and sort of went ontologically wild with them, i.e. mapped them onto the structure of reality/the universe itself?

Utriusque Cosmi, Maioris scilicet et Minoris, 1617 (Robert Fludd)

Practica musice, 1496 (showing Apollo, the Muses, the planetary spheres and musical modes)

Phonurgia Nova (New Science of Sound Production), 1673 (This text itself isn't occult, but Kircher himself fits the bill) (Athanasius Kircher)

Kinda! Allusions to the universe as fundamentally musical in nature go back to Pythagoras. It meshes well for antique and medieval doctrines of amity and antipathy, which transposes neatly onto harmony and disharmony. It was often compared to the orbits of the planets, each orbiting at a set distance from the earth in accordance with some greater universal harmony. As far as I'm aware, that wasn't an uncommon way to think of the world.

Music theory is one of those things that gets transposed onto basically everything. If a religion goes on for long enough, you can basically assume that someone will develop some interesting spiritualized music theory. Its not something I've ever delved into personally, largely because I find music theory confusing.

As for Kabbalistic literature specifically, the story goes that Issac Luria was inspired by watching the sun filter through a complex fountain in Safed. I've always associated post-lurianic diagrams with flowing water. But if I recall correctly, Hebrew letters were also regularly used for musical notation, so music-as-mysticism is only a stones throw away. I would be shocked if writing on the subject doesn't exist.

Personally, music-as-mysticism is something I generally associate with Sufism. I know Inayat Khan was popular in part because of both his musical talents, and his doctrine that incorporated musical concepts. But he was pretty modern!

[kix-mm]

"I love you so much. I could just eat you~" but that would be a waste...

Your ever growing "friend" says as they wipe the drool from their face...

They had given themselves this self-proclaimed title and had wormed their existence deep into your life despite your efforts. You've even mistakenly grown attached to your doom.

You're well aware that, at this point, being an afternoon snack is merely imminent. But why has your "friend" still not taken a bite? Surely they're big enough by now... they could comfortably carry you in their palms as they please and do so regularly.

Waiting any longer will only result in a larger apatite, and you know them well enough to know they aren't one for cautious waiting... but then, whats stopping them from taking you? They did it to all your other friends. There were once 5 of you, now it's just you 2. When will you be next?

I could never eat you, your kindness is so genuine, and your judgment is too kind. There aren't enough people like you around, my only friend... I love you dearly.

Even if my motivations are misunderstood, and my appearance is misleading, my words are sincere. Thank you for letting me become close to you, for giving me the chance to speak up without worry of abandonment... like the others who left without saying goodbye, seemingly forgetting you all together because of what I am...

I do hope that one day your fear may subside, so I no longer must feel you tremble in my hands or grow uneasy whenever I smile. My diet is no longer human flesh. Your affection feeds me plenty. :)

[jedijenkins]

About the structure of The Librarians: The Next Chapter and the potential Future of the Franchise (from a longtime obsessive fan):

sometimes i genuinely forget that your average person is not knowledgeable about how making television works, and don't really pay attention at all to the behind the scenes activities of the people who make television.

to everyone responding to The Librarians: The Next Chapter trailer with negativity along the lines of "why are there new Librarians" "why is Stone the only one there",

i am actually shocked to realize you guys are unaware of the entire reason the first Librarians show exists in the form it does. But then i realize i'm probably the weird one for knowing all of these specific details but here we go: The only reason Eve, Ezekiel, Jenkins, Cassandra and Jake even EXIST is because of scheduling conflicts. Noah Wyle wanted to come back to star in a spin off of the original movies very badly, but he was currently under contract in the middle of filming the final few seasons of Falling Skies. If you're unaware, when you're under contract to finish a certain amount of filming, you can't just break that contract without serious legal repercussions. Not to mention, Noah wanted to do Falling Skies justice. So the executives behind both projects and Noah came to a scheduling compromise - something that Noah was only able to do because of the pull he, Dean Devlin and John Rogers have, not something most actors can easily swing - to where he could finish his work on Falling Skies while also appearing in The Librarians in the time he wasn't filming for Falling Skies. This meant that Noah would be able to be there for at least a couple episodes for the first few seasons, but not all of them. Naturally, you can't have a show where the ONLY main character, the ONLY Librarian, is gone half the time for the first few seasons. So the obvious and genius solution they came up with? More Librarians.

An ensemble main cast that would be able to hold down the fort and keep the show moving forward when Noah/Flynn wasn't there. And they specifically wrote it in a way to where it made perfect sense character wise for Flynn to be absent, both because of the plot and because of Flynn's trauma and fear of commitment. They made Noah Wyle's inability to be there the whole time an integral part of the plot and themes, and constructed the rest of the show around it.

And then when Falling Skies was finished filming, Noah was able to appear more regularly in s3 and s4 of the show, while still being absent sometimes to maintain the consistency of his character arc. The group and plot was set up to allow it to make sense for him to be able to come and go as needed.

I want you to take a second to digest this information. Your favorite characters and their relationships with each other would never have even existed if Noah Wyle had been completely free at the time the show was being started. We would have no Eve Baird, no Ezekiel Jones, no Jacob Stone, no Jenkins, no Cassandra. It would be just the Flynn Carson show, just like the movies. Flash forward seven or so years, and Dean finally gets the chance to bring the franchise back again - but all the actors from the first show are now, just like Noah was, tied up in contracts and schedules for stuff they are already doing. The person with the most schedule flexibility? Christian Kane, because the other shows he's working on currently are also under Electric Entertainment. All of the actors have confirmed they DO WANT TO RETURN WHEN THEY ARE AVAILABLE. They have told Dean this, they talked about this at the convention panel at ElectricCon, and I even personally talked to John Harlan Kim during the meet and greet about how excited he is to eventually return whenever he can. They will return when they can, and these new characters are perfectly set up to work alongside them smoothly the second they do.

Therefore Jake is the best choice to be the first returning character to bring in the new characters and establish their connection to the Library, because they are new recruits, not replacements. This is a CONTINUATION spin off, not a reboot. The Library is once again expanding it's employee base and becoming even more of a capital-O Organization than it already was in the first show. This makes sense both externally and internally.

Externally, this is exactly what they did when they made the first continuation spin off show based on the movies. They created a new ensemble cast of main characters to form relationships with the previous characters in the franchise, and to hold down the fort when those characters are off screen because their actors are currently busy. Internally, expanding the Library even more is the natural progression of the plot and themes that where being explored in the original show. The entire point of the final season, if not the show, is that it was always a mistake to have only one Librarian, a mistake made out of fear. The natural endgame of the themes of the show was to invite even more people to join the Library - there where even multiple side characters heavily set up to potentially become future Librarians themselves. (Lucy Lyons for example). These new characters are not replacing the old ones, they are holding down the fort so that the old characters have a franchise to come back to in the first place. Because if they had to wait for all the actors to be available again to make the new Librarians show, it wouldn't get made, because the people with the money don't wanna wait when they're greenlighting a show. When you get greenlit on a concept, you make it now or you never make it. This was true when Noah was too busy to be the sole main character of the first show, and it's true now when the actors where too busy in 2022-2023 to all return at once for the new show's first season. And a final but EXTREMELY IMPORTANT POINT: Dean announced this show while talking about expanding The Librarians universe, and then at ElectricCon he announced that what he REALLY wants to do is bring back the original show if next chapter is successful, and have both the next chapter and the original librarians team's show airing at the same time while crossing over constantly with each other. Essentially creating a shared Librarians television landscape for characters to move throughout. But that will only happen if The Next Chapter is successful enough. So PLEASE, open your hearts to these new characters and these new actors, because they are in the exact same position the cast of the original show was in. I was there, movie fans where complaining that it wasn't a show solely about Flynn and Flynn alone. But when once the show actually aired, they all quickly shut up, because the day Dean Devlin makes Librarians characters that aren't worth obsessing over is the day hell freezes over. If you don't support The Next Chapter, you will completely lose any chance of seeing those older characters return. Trust me, guys. Relax. You will love these new characters just as much, and you will see the old ones again if this show gets more seasons. So if you want that, you better start getting hyped!

[girl-lostconnection]

Tehehehe thinking thoughts of helldivers getting a moment to relax for once in their life and gathering up at one spot as almost like a small party, except the helldivers are being rough and rowdy with each other like how wolf/dog packs are rough and rowdy while playing, they’re trying to be playful and friendly but being out of practice on proper socialization so they can get a little too rough but they all mean well.

Even funnier idea of the 141 witnessing just a giant pack of Helldivers, maybe in and out of suits. Some of the helldivers even bringing along their ‘runts’ (cadets they’ve taken under their wings) to get them to befriend other divers so their existence would be less lonely

God, this is so cute. I love this idea so much, thank you for bringing it to me😭

Initially it was planned to be just a small gathering, few Helldivers that offered to bring you in some of their old manuals that you were collecting. But somehow along the way some of their little charges slipped onto your ship as well and then other’s on the orbit slid closer.

It was a rare thing for Helldivers to have any kind of gatherings, you weren’t the ones who were regularly invited on military parades, you weren’t ones who were invited on official military parties so you made do with what you had.

So you didn’t really have time to warn the 141 about the impromptu party that took place. And frankly, you got a bit carried away in the process.

A pack of cadets now circling your “Stratagem Hero” and Engineering compartment of the ship, whose “no way” and “lemme try, scoot over, McMillan” you could hear on the other side of your steel home.

Few Helldivers in civilian clothes, helmets propped up on a bench in your armoury, capes hanging off the chairs, eyes crinkling with laughter.

Others who even in armour pulled as much of it off as they could without actually getting naked, pulling off gauntlets and gloves and helmets and heavy chest/back plates.

For one evening you weren’t mutts of the military. For one evening you all were people again.

Helldivers always in their armours and always covered from head to toe don’t get a lot of physical contact on daily basis, so to have a little gathering with others just like them was more than welcomed. You could see the invisible itch that scratched everyone here from inside — hands smacking shoulders too hard, wrestling and roughing each others up.

Go too long without proper socialising and you forget how it’s done.

But on here, in the armoured belly of your ship it didn’t matter. You were all Helldivers. A mutual understanding brought out of years of hardship, of loneliness.

So when little runts wiggle their way to tuck themselves to the side of divers that brought them no one’s going to say a thing.

Physical contact is so rare for your branch, you people make a habit of always biting off more than you can chew. Just to save it up for later, savour it until there’s nothing but memory of salt of someone’s skin on your tongue.

Until there’s only memory of memory of how it feels to have a palm on your back or nose pressed to your throat. Knowing that you won’t get it torn out.

You don’t even notice the 141 at first, because the moment you get somehow free there is a new diver literally scooping you up, grinning from ear to ear, squeezing you until ribs protest, until you hiss, kicking. Just to ease their hold and laugh in your shoulder, smacking your back with more force than necessary.

Smooching kisses on your cheeks and jaw, exchanging stories, reminiscing about the past.

You are a rowdy loud bunch. Too touchy and too powerful for your own good, a big pack of starved wolves that for one evening are getting it all.

Eating until you feel sick, kissing until you are lightheaded, wrestling and smacking each other until the body feels more of a bruise than anything really.

You whisk Kyle in time because god, he’s so pretty with his easy smiles and warm demeanour and your pack are starved wolves and they will lick his meat off the bone, they will suck the bone marrow out if he’s not careful.

They mean well, they don’t know he’s not one of them. They don’t know he doesn’t share the same bone deep hunger, the same madness crawling under the tips of his nails.

Still one of the younger charges gets a rough smack on his shoulder. The lad is fairly young but he’s drunk on happiness and hazy with good company, he doesn’t know his own strength — too used to being around monsters that your branch is.

The smack makes Gaz sway, his eyes sharpening as he snaps his head back at the cadet.

You tut your lips at him and practically drag the man to the rest of TaskForce.

You know that they don’t really get it. That it seems too much, too rough, too loud. Fraternising is frowned upon everywhere.

Everywhere but here.

Average lifespan of Helldivers in the field is less than half a minute. On your ship there are people who lived years in the field and came back.

Wrong and twisted and too rough around the edges, stripped of all the humanity until there was nothing but white of their bones to remind that they are people.

You are exactly the same.

So you rub Kyle’s shoulder, your grip is too hard, your hands are too heavy for him not used to being manhandled, urging him to get back to his team. Practically herding him back.

It might’ve not worked with anyone else, but surprisingly Gaz lets you do just that, his own hand carefully wrapping around your waist. He’s not sure how much is okay, he’s not sure what to do.

You stray from being too close to him, to any of them really. You maintain careful distance, you sit behind your walls, you don’t let anyone close.

Johnny watches an older Helldiver pad his way to you, breathing out something in your ear, rubbing his knuckles on the nape of your neck, fingers circling around the scruff of it and you, who twitches when any of them gets too close, fucking melt into touch.

Like that’s the only form you know how to take it in. Like you don’t remember there is any other way.

Simon’s head tilts to the side, eyes heavy when one too many divers smack you around for his comfort, but you don’t ask for help.

You laugh.

He’s not sure any of them heard you laughing before. For some reason the thought stings more than he expected because yes, you let them onto the ship and into the armoury and to your control panel.

But did you really let them in? Are they inside?

Because Price can see the way smaller divers — young, if he can judge by uniform so crisp it feels like they got it issued a few days ago — hug their cuteness aggression on you, yelping when you suddenly hoist some of them up in a bridal hold.

Giggling entirely too unserious when you show how you can pick two of them at once.

You herd Kyle back to his team and suddenly he understands why.

They aren’t meant to be here. They may be in, but they didn’t get the invitation to step behind your barricades. They didn’t earn it yet.

You don’t trust them to handle what you have.

So he nurses one god awful beer, Soap propping His chin on Kyle’s shoulder, relaxing when he sees two very much male Helldivers kicking the doors behind them shut — already dismantling each other’s armour, kissing with so much teeth it’s a miracle they aren’t bleeding yet.

“Wild bunch”, Simon comments, but there’s no edge to his voice, just quiet gruff realisation. Same one Gaz had when he watches one too many divers hug and smack and kiss and hold you.

When he watches you grin and double down on their advances, eyes shining and grin so wide it’s a miracle your face hasn’t cracked.

He tenses up only when one of the older Helldivers slides next to their team, swatting the younger charges away from him, cooing something in their ears when he sends them to the other side of the ship.

“I know what’cha think of us”, the man suddenly says and there’s no malice in his voice but something in his tone makes it clear that he knows. They aren’t meant to be here.

They are not Helldivers. It’s not their gathering.

“Pack of feral animals, eh?”, the diver continues, eyes so heavy it could bend the steel, edge of his mouth a little sharper than before. There’s exhaustion itched in every line of his face.

There’s hunger dripping off his molars when he grins down at shorter diver across the room.

“Think it’s your and your men’s business how you relax”, Price hums, eyes just as heavy when he tilts his head to the side.

He’s not sure he fully understands Helldivers as a brunch but he definitely understands them as soldiers. Seen the same starved mad look before in the eyes of men who were less human than he’d like.

“Half of this room will be dead in a few months”, the man suddenly says and John can feel blood flowing back, chill running down his spine as he turns his head to the diver. Man looks suddenly calm, almost peaceful as he announces it.

“We rarely get out, Captain. We lose way too many of ours down there, we lose even more up here”, Helldiver taps his temple, grin a little too feral, a little too pained. Like there’s glass digging in his gums with every word he says. “But we need something to remind that we are still here. Still human. Still alive”

There’s heavy silence in their corner, stark contrast to booms of laughter and playful wrestling and occasional sparrings with way too many stray touches.

“Little runts need to have someone to fall back on if me or captain of this bird suddenly find ourselves bleeding out in a shithole no one wants to go down to”, diver continues like it’s a completely normal thing and Soap tightens his arms around Kyle. “It’s a good thing we got out for some celebration. Don’t get too many of these in our line of work”

The man’s silence is heavy for entirely too long moment before he hums, eyes distant as he flicks his lighter on and off in long scarred fingers.

“Never thought I’d be one for religion, you know. But sometimes…sometimes I get why these angels fell, you know?”, he murmurs, watching the young divers play arcade, watching laughing divers smack each other one too many times before they finally allow themselves to hug it all out.

“Always an angel and never a god.”, the diver chuckles but there’s no amusement in it. “Wonder how they felt when they realised there’s nowhere higher to go. If they hurt just as badly. One too bitter of a thought it is on a night like this one”, the man shakes it off like a big dog would water and grins at Price.

Big and slightly feral, he smacks John’s shoulder a touch too hard than necessary and jogs off, throwing over his shoulder.

“Welcome to the party, gents. Enjoy people watching, might not get another chance to see this many ‘live Helldivers”

[genderqueerdykes]

hey, i saw a post on here saying you guys support non "traumagenic" systems and I was wanting to know if thats true.

You guys are so amazing and have helped me with my identity a lot, but this information is really important to me as a trauma survivor with severe PTSD. If you are pro endos but are open to listening to trauma survivors and phycology sources, I absolutely will provide them. I want you guys to be a safe space for people with PTSD and dissociative disorders so bad, as people who has OSDDDID tend to have more "contradictory" labels in the first place, due to the complex relationship all the different alters identities make combined.

I'm hoping so much that you'll be open to listening if this is true.

hello! i'm good, i don't need any!

if you only have severe PTSD and not a dissociative disorder and do not identify as plural, you should NOT be commenting on plurality at all. like i hate to break it to you, but if you do not deal with plurality, you do not know what the experience is like. reading papers about it will not give you insight into how people actually live.

i'm an inclusive Dissociative Identity Disorder system who is 100% pro endo, and any other type of system. i support ALL plurals, i don't cherry pick. you're correct, this blog is a safe space, especially for people with "contradictory" identities or ones that "don't make sense." why wouldn't i be here for endogenic and non traumagenic systems?

that would go against everything i stand for.

i am a trauma survivor as well. i *have* DID, i don't really need any resources on the matter- before I was diagnosed i spent years researching, and i still do keep up with research. i am aware that DID and OSDD are caused by trauma! generally it's severe, repeated trauma and/or neglect. i have no memories of my life before the age of 10. i too have severe PTSD, i have a diagnosis for C-PTSD in specific. i live with this every day of my life. i still have a lot of trauma and triggers. i black out and lose time and regularly forget who i am or where i'm at.

something to keep in mind is research on DID has literally 0 bearing on other types of plurality. just because there is a lot of research into DID, OSDD, etc. does not mean that other plural experiences do not exist. when ONLY siting medical sources and saying that because there's no other "proof" or "evidence" that other types of plurality "can't" exist, it's an appeal to authority. there is no research data to point toward because studies on DID and OSDD and other dissociative disorders have really only gained traction within the last 10 - 20 years maximum. this is an extremely recent phenomenon! just because there are no (paid, keep in mind that studies have to find funding, and investors are picky) medical papers or studies to point toward doesn't mean something isn't happening.

someone identifying as plural without trauma is not an affront to plurals who do have trauma. someone identifying as a system who doesn't have or know of any childhood trauma is not spitting in your face. i've seen this take around and it's just not it. don't take someone else's mental health as an attack on yours. it's not hurting you at all for people to identify as plural if they don't have trauma. it's not spitting in *my* face, so it's not spitting in yours, either. it's okay to let non traumagenic systems exist. it's not exacerbating your trauma or re-traumatizing you or subjecting you to new trauma.

they're not saying that your trauma is invalid just because they don't have any. i don't like people who get on a high horse because they have a dissociative disorder and act like they get to police how other people's brains work. you only know how your brain works. you do not know how any other type of system works.

endogenic systems are not identifying as endogenic to spite you or dissociative systems. they're not doing it to hurt you. they're doing it because they identify as multiple people. that is not being done with the intention to hurt anyone. this is about THEM, not you. nobody is the protagonist of the plural community. no one.

as a plural, myself, i get to choose who i support. and i choose to support people who aren't hurting anyone or doing anything wrong. i really don't care how offensive some people find non traumagenic systems, but they're not hurting you, me, or anyone else. live and let live. you don't know how someone else's brain works. you will never be able to know how someone else's brain works. accepting that will make your life easier.

being angry at other people for not having trauma will not make yours go away or undo what was done to you. you should never take out your frustrations on people who haven't hurt you. endos haven't hurt you, you just don't agree with them. these are 2 separate things. also you really don't have the right to comment on the nature of how complex non traumagenic plurality is or is not- endogenic systems can have just as many nuanced and complex identities regardless of whether or not they're dissociating. they're still multiple people whether or not you see them that way. they also have complex identities, why wouldn't they? being different people leads to a lot of complexity. you should still see them as multiple people even if you don't think it's legit. that's basic respect for another person who, again, literally hasn't hurt you.

also endogenic and non dissociative systems are still people, and we should still care about them. they're still people even if you don't agree with them, and again: they have not hurt you by virtue of existing.

hope that helps and makes sense. i am not open to changing my mind on this, but i appreciate you giving me a good reason to explain my stance on the matter. i don't have the right to police other people and tell them how their own brains work. you don't have that right, either. i'm not here to police anyone. that goes against everything i stand for. i don't gatekeep.

i'm not a cop.

[silvergreenseraphim]

“Obedient Soldier”

[A phrase uttered by Sephiroth in Scene 07-06. As this line indicates, Sephiroth in BC (Before Crisis) was regularly obedient to orders, such as defending the Mako canon and protecting Hojo. Therefore, Shinra valued the worth of Sephiroth's loyalty and treated him like a hero.]

-Keyword Collection, CC Complete Guide, p. 285

“Until then, I will be an obedient soldier of Shinra…”

He uses the term “従順な“ which is described above. He willfully submits himself to Shinra’s authority regularly in spite of inner turmoil and reluctance much of the time.

I see more of this with every update in The First Soldier. Sephiroth calls it his only job. You would say then “Yes, and he is paid for it and treated like a hero! That is why he obeys!”

First. Where is this interest in money? And who is to say he receives it? He was raised and trained by Shinra from his boyhood days. His lack of interest in money is said clearly.

Angeal might have partially misjudged him for it too in chapter one of episode 2 when Bachman asked Sephiroth’s opinion on the situation in Robio:

Sephiroth: “Search for the missing troops. Don’t interfere with the filming. Anything else is not my job.”

Angeal: “You’re a stingy guy.”

Sephiroth: “What?”

Angeal: ”There’s no harm in experiencing things. Don’t just consider profit gain and loss.”

Sephiroth: “That’s not the reason.”

Angeal: “Then tell me what it is.”

Sephiroth: “….”

(Japanese translation) (*Note about the nuance here at the bottom of the post!)

There is another reason Sephiroth focuses so narrowly on his job but he does not want to state it. He does not want to explain why he focuses on nothing else. Why?

His disinterest in money itself was more obviously stated in episode one:

Matt: “We'll have to talk about the distribution of the reward money… fortunately, he (Sephiroth) doesn't seem to care about money.”

Money is not the reason for Sephiroth’s loyalty to Shinra then. You might then say it’s because they treated him as a hero! Like as it was said in the Guide, they valued his loyalty and dealt with him as a hero. But where is it stated that Sephiroth wants that either? No, it is the opposite.

Sephiroth: ”I don’t want to be a hero. I want to live a normal life…”

Glenn: “What did you say?”

Sephiroth: “Nothing. It’s never going to happen.”

But Sephiroth! Since you are a hero, Shinra must spoil you and treat you well? They must give you so much! Is that why you stay with that defeated resignation?

Perhaps you have authority and respect within the military! The fandom has always called him the General….

Ignore that you see the cameras he hates, the false propaganda he knows about, his low sense of self-worth, how he sees himself as a cyborg killer that does not deserve friends. He never experienced the sensation of joy and fun with others until he met Glenn’s team. Ignore that he was trained to be afraid and heartless. Forget that he has memories of Hojo’s pain and training.

And authority?

“Very sorry. We cannot follow orders from others outside of the normal chain of command.”

These are just infantrymen.

Sephiroth’s ability to refuse orders in Crisis Core was also an unofficial privilege that existed under Lazard’s generous command. If it were Heidegger, no privilege like that would have existed and Sephiroth would have had to kill Genesis and Angeal in Banora. Lazard, a man already disloyal to Shinra, had to be in command for that point in Crisis Core to exist.

“Also, there may or may not be a right to veto orders...It seems to be just unofficial though..”

-Kunsel to Zack, CC DMW flashback

Angeal Hewley is also made team leader over “Shinra’s hero” in episode 2 of The First Soldier. Years later Angeal still gives orders to Sephiroth that the hero follows. Sephiroth’s authority inside Shinra is not like a general or even a captain.

Not that then. Perhaps you are living a lavish lifestyle, hero?

….ah, but do I even need to explain why this one is nonsense when this boy was isolated and brought up by Hojo?

”Mom? Why are you in my bedroom?”

-Sephiroth, chapter one, The First Soldier Episode 2, Japanese.

A lab cell near to where Aerith and Ifalna were held as prisoners?

“I’ve never had many opportunities to interact with people.”

-Sephiroth, chapter five, The First Soldier Episode 1, Japanese.

He would not have in the environment Hojo gave him.

“I am a SOLDIER that was raised to stand on the battlefield. SOLDIERs are worthless unless they are strong in body and mind.”

-Sephiroth, chapter five, The First Soldier Episode 1, Japanese.

“You and I grew up in different worlds. The day we understand each other will never come.”

-Sephiroth to Angeal, chapter one, The First Soldier Episode 2, Japanese.

Hojo is who raised him like this! In isolation and cruelty!

“I am the only one who can speak to Professor Hojo freely at any time, who researches the limits of our SOLDIER abilities…”

-Sephiroth to Angeal, chapter one, The First Soldier Episode 2, Japanese.

Did that Halloween event not show us the deeper horror beneath these other horrors? And who they were connected to?

Hojo: “Endure the pain, Sephiroth. You’re not at your limit yet. The more you endure, the more of your hidden strength will awaken.”

Glenn: Hey! Hang in there!

Sephiroth: “I’m sorry. I was suddenly in a lot of pain, but I’m alright now.”

Glenn: “Don’t be so strong!! Rest! Rest! Don’t push yourself so hard just because you’re the team leader!! Just relax!

Sephiroth: “….I’ve never heard anything like that before. It’s just the reverse of what the professor said…”

(Japanese translation)

Who would have ingrained such deep loyalty into the world’s strongest SOLDIER so well other than his father Hojo? Sephiroth does not speak of leaving Shinra until he is close to 25 years. He was shaken when Elfe questioned why he fought and if it was for any reason. He responds to a command from his friend Genesis on immediate instinct.

He is conditioned. That is why he was an obedient soldier to Shinra and why he stayed with them even when he hated his life. He was afraid. Of them and of Hojo!

The First Soldier will only keep showing this. Sephiroth’s friends were his chain to mental stability. When they left and died, he became vulnerable again and Nibelheim was timed just right. How much grief and anger must he have felt learning about how deep the use of his body and mind had gone? Enough to hate Shinra and soon everything.

Shinra is run by greedy pigs who have their dogs and sheep. They have their SOLDIER recruits, their Turks, their Deepground prisoners, their clueless employees. You will find that among these pawns, there are many who try to leave or question the power keeping them in check and that is because Shinra was not so careful enough to condition and lie to them.

They were careful with Sephiroth though because disloyalty from him would be so dangerous. The story shows this well enough.

Out of all of their abused pawns and attack dogs, Sephiroth was the one chosen to be exploited in front of the world and decorated in hero’s ribbons to cover up the scars. He was lied to about the depth of his abuse and given false hope in his two dear friends. He was trying to claw his way to the light and find himself so that he could be a real hero and protect others but there was no hope for such things. His cage was gilded and when he became aware of it, that boy’s heart was filled with sadness and then anger and then hatred.

His life was DESTROYED by Shinra from the start. His loyalty was sown into him mostly by Hojo. This new episode of The First Soldier has brought this truth further to the light and I do not think it was will stop.

Thank you to those who helped me with this post in DMs!

Notes:

*Angeal’s words in chapter one of FS Episode 2 about Sephiroth’s “stinginess” do have a nuance that I do not want to ignore. He can be talking about money gain/loss but also a whole mindset! His words are broadly referring to a narrow-minded and “Scrooge-ish” view of things where there is not much room for anything outside of Sephiroth’s thin focus. That thin focus is Sephiroth’s assignment and the gain of completing it, which could include profit from Angeal’s perspective and would be a reason to complete a mission if we remember his scene with his parents where that is a discussion. The point is to say that Angeal is not only talking about money, but for this post I focused on that aspect of it because of Sephiroth’s response against the entire assumption and his formerly mentioned lack of interest in money.

[tallykale]

episode 19

as you can probably tell, i've thought a lot about what post-canon one would look like in my vision... i've said before that i have issues with straightforward fix-its, and i do genuinely love the tragic open-ended conclusion that the series has, but i... am not immune to playing with characters like dolls LOL

here's some writeups about where everyone is at mentally in these pictures. please please please PLEEEASE feel free to ask me more about this cuz i love talking about my beautiful mind palace

charlotte: somehow the most optimistic person in here, mostly out of necessity. when she died, she saw parker leading her out of a cave as her waiting room and was about to take his hand when airy respawned her, so she has a brief moment of bonding with bryce when he talks about the waiting room and seeing stella. with the knowledge that there is potentially a way to get out (bryce and liam being the proof) and the fear of rotting away again she is by far the most actively motivated to help liam figure out the computer. a lot of her days are spent talking to liam over the mic and writing out the code in the dirt so she can try to understand it. she still has to push against her natural misanthropy (and often shouts at liam or bryce for being fucking stupid and useless) but both working on the code and helping amelia give her something concrete to focus on outside herself. she wants to get home so she can make amends with her friends. charlotte is scared of dying! she's really genuinely horribly scared of dying and has awful vivid nightmares about rotting away. she often pushes amelia into talking about her life which causes some tension, but it's because she really hates seeing amelia lose herself like that - a metaphorical rotting away of the self.

subway seat & atom: not on the same level of pure existential depression as the batch 1 contestants, but they both feel the hopeless mood pretty harshly regardless. subway feels very lonely as the only hidden object still 'awake', and likes to carry whippy creamy around rather than just leave him sitting on the ground constantly. tray is too big and unwieldy for him to do that with, but he 'hangs out' with her anyway, talking to her and whippy creamy in the hopes that it'll get them to want to wake up again. atom doesn't talk much, but he still carries his piece of grass. he's definitely the person who's the least affected by the prospect of being stuck on the plane forever, since he… doesn't really perceive existence in the same way as everyone else? he's an atom. but his time in the competition definitely made him view everyone else as friends, and he feels even more powerless than usual in the face of this incomprehensibly difficult problem.

amelia: falls into total hopelessness when bryce rejoins, basically seeing it as the final sign that they're never going home. still calls everyone their competition names (she actually gets into a big fight with bryce about it lol). she gets really clingy and dependent on bryce when he first comes back but it crashes and burns pretty quickly when, during an argument, bryce tells her how much he wishes he could just go back and never have let liam in and forgot about everything… which really sucks for amelia to hear, given that she's part of that everything. after that, with bryce isolating himself, she's kind of reliant on charlotte to keep her going. she blames liam for airy dying and secretly kind of thinks he killed him but just isn't telling them… she also doesn't really believe there's any way of getting out and is just kind of waiting around to die of, like, old age i guess. after how long she's been here, amelia is convinced that she has nothing to even go back to and frequently forgets details about her life. regularly cries and hates being alone. the shift markings on the side of the water tub have changed from being a way to keep track of time and stay sane to a horrible reminder of how long they've been here and how much longer of an eternity they have before them.

bryce: hates himself and liam and airy and the plane and his entire stupid fucking life. bryce is really, really fucking pissed off at liam for losing the notes and letting texty die and every other mistake he's made, and isn't shy about telling him that. as well as being angry, he's also incredibly miserable, because he was finally starting to turn his life around (he quit drinking after the plane) and now it's all for nothing - and even worse, those 7 months he spent getting better were 7 months he did nothing to help the rest of them, especially amelia. he's horribly guilty about that, and that he didn't tell amelia about the fake votes before he was eliminated… but finds it easier to just let liam take the heat for that one at first. after he fights with amelia about it he becomes a bit of a hermit, hanging out by himself next to the plug, and never responds when liam tries to talk. contemplates suicide regularly but pretty much the only option is drowning himself, and the idea of that still scares him more than staying like this forever. would kill for a beer.

liam: tortured by horrible guilt every day over a million different things. these include getting bryce pulled back into this (plus delayed guilt over getting him for real killed), letting texty die and not saying anything about the charger, not telling amelia that everything was fake, knowing that charlotte is going to die if he doesn't get really smart really fast… he's frequently gripped by fits of rage where he almost smashes the computer and has to hobble around outside with the axe for a while to blow off steam. he has really bad nightmares and dissociative episodes, made worse by the isolation and spending hours in a dark cave. liam really wants to fix things with everyone but genuinely has no idea how to start that conversation. he assumes airy killed himself (and views it as an unforgiveably cowardly move) and directs a lot of resentment towards him. he has a lot of things he wants to say, especially to bryce, but the fact that he cant talk to anybody one on one makes things difficult. spends a lot of time just reading through the code, too afraid to actually make any changes in case everyone explodes, but talking it through with charlotte at least makes him feel like he's doing something. more than he would like to admit, liam catches himself staring at the plane as if it's a simulation or a livestream.

[spacemothsota]

Cyberform AU - Part 1?

So what is my cyberform au? It's really a simple "Humans into Cybertronians" trope at its core. It's no secret that from show to show (comics maybe too, but I only remember one person from there) that transformers form bonds with humans.

Humans become an integral part of the bot's life, and the same thing works the other way around (just remember that many of the humans in the show met Cybertronians at a young age, the impact on their lives must be colossal). In many headcanons I see that the bots seem to forget that humans have a much shorter lifespan than their own, but I don't think that's the case. Transformers have a lot of memory and they probably understand better that their human friends and comrades are extremely vulnerable due to their organic bodies. If a bot is especially attached to its companion, this can cause stress (Just think that Bumblebee from all the shows is the same Bee and remember how many human friends he had: Sam, Spike, Sari, Raf and Charlie. Poor Bumblebee).

Humans are cyberformed due to the patronage of Cybertronians.

Their comrades/friends/mentors/enemies are sure that this is like caring for their less fortunate comrades in life expectancy. Decepticons perceive this as an investment in their own small species. The war has exhausted both sides, exhausted the number of bots, to restore Cybertron, bots will be needed that are full of strength, without harmful effects on their bodies, and people after cyberformation have this quality. They have a pure mind and their own internal potential for development. However, the Decepticons are too selective, they do not consider rewarding the left person to be their duty, that is why they look closely at the existing allies of the Autobots (Soundwave and Rafael, Lennox and Megatron, Alexis and Starscream).

The Autobots see more in people (you know "More than meets the eye"), they spend time to consider it and get to know humanity better, while the Decepticons already get what they have. People show themselves in the fight against them, this is a pretty big mistake, because they really value inner strength of spirit, as it seems to me.

In the end, the Cybertronians leave their nanites in the people they choose, infecting them, rather not obviously, since this can cause fear, rejection. Before infecting the chosen person, the transformer must get his consent. Bots naturally do not ask directly, they can rather ask the question "Would you like to see space?" or something similar, based on the interests of the person. As soon as the ward agrees, the transformer will calm down mentally and start giving him nanites. Everything is done secretly, the Cybertronian in his care begins to feed the person snacks or full-fledged food, the treat tastes slightly like pomegranate juice and much more. Of course, if the food has a rich taste, then the person will not feel the difference (the products have a rich taste of metals, not blood but something more favorable). Decepticons do it less gently, from which the person may think that he is being tortured - "We are doing this for your good, flesh, calm down." The only moment among the Decepticons Soundwave, thanks to his telepathic abilities, it is not difficult for him to make his objects of interest behave more submissively and give them everything they need without resistance (Because of this, people infected by him can behave sluggishly for some time and think that they are sick, not remembering that Soundwave fed them nanites)

The donation of nanites must occur regularly (several bots can participate in this), so that the process of cyberformation is fueled for the next stages.

It is similar to an infection that gradually changes the human body, at first glance it is not noticeable until the transformation reaches the middle of the stage. In the next post I will tell you about the stages of cyberformation.

By the way, depending on who was the donor of nanites in most cases depends on what transport mode the newly-made Cybertronian (former human) will have.

Next

[ssaseaprince]

I think that Hannibal regularly forgets that Will is human, and that is the cause of the majority of conflict between them. To Hannibal, Will is an enigma. Will is the only person to have ever walked the Earth that is his one true equal. When he sees Will, he sees divine anger and judgment and the ability to see and understand. Truly, he sees Will as a being meant to be worshipped. He sees Will as divineness in physical form.

And so he has all of these completely unobtainable expectations. When Will does not react perfectly, Hannibal is unable to see the situation clearly. When you question why God would let something happen, you never hear people say that it was an accident. You always hear that God has a deeper reason, even if you don't understand it yet. And so when Will does something that does not have a deep philosophical reason, Hannibal is unable to wrap his brain around it. Because God always has a deeper reasoning. So Hannibal ends up scrambling around, trying to piece together a puzzle doesn't exist, because there's no way his God, divinity in physical form, could possibly have made a mistake because he was scared or impulsive.

Hannibal tells Will that his compassion is inconvenient and Will respond by grouping himself in with the rest of humanity. And then this causes a huge barrier between them. Because Will does something rash that does not have a complex meaning behind it, and then Hannibal cannot understand that, so he assigns it it's own meaning and inevitably hurts himself. And then Hannibal is lashing out due to this perceived slight and Will has no idea what's going on because it never even happened. And then it's just a vicious cycle.

Will Graham is Hannibal Lecters God, and God doesn't make mistakes, so when Will makes a mistake, it must not actually be a mistake and instead must be an intentional, deliberate, planned act

[messyhairedhazeleyeddude]

╔═════ •┈• “I Hear You.” •┈• ═════╗

A Toge Inumaki x Fem!Deaf!Reader || Fluff + SMUT || ˚. ୭ ˚◦˚.

Contents ; Mind reading (reader has cursed hearing), Toge has PTSD, soft touches, hesitant fingering, face-riding, mind control (Toge uses his speech curse), squirting, soft dom Toge, public sex, cock-warming, and a cumshot in reader’s panties.

A/N ; Hi, so I just wanted to explain a little bit of background on this since reader’s curse might be hard to understand for some right away. But, basically, reader is partially deaf from a horrible accident involving a curse that had consumed one of Sukuna’s fingers. It left her with a cursed ability to where she can listen into someone’s thoughts for a limited amount of time at random. However, it has its drawbacks which you will see in the story. Now, that’s all! Hopefully that clarifies some confusion if there is any.

Dynamic ; Best Friends to Lovers

Sexual Dynamic ; Soft Dom!Toge | Bottom!Fem!Reader

P.O.V ; First

Age range ; 18+

Music Suggestion ;

{Y/N’s P.O.V :}

I sat on an oak polished bench with a heavy sigh, facing toward the buildings of Jujutsu High, hundreds of Ginkgo trees shrouding certain parts of their rooftops in a pretty spiral. The same ones lining the path that I walked on to get to our usual hang-out spot.

Their orange leaves danced around my head and landed at my black Mary Jane’s, my glossy lips quirking up into a smile at the perfect shape of the leaf before lifting my Canon camera to take a picture. As soon as my finger hovered over the snap button, it flew away.

Wind being the culprit. A shudder ran down my spine when the gust blew through my {H/C} hair and ruined another shot, making me huff in frustration.

I’ve been dealing with this annoying weather all day. Finally, the day I’m off of studying and training. Left alone to fulfill any hobbies I want for as long as I want with no one calling me on a mission to exorcise curses. And it just had to be windy.

However, I couldn’t complain. Being able to get dressed for the day, something I hadn’t been able to do in a long time— was more than exciting. There was even time for myself to do my makeup and having hours like that as a Jujutsu student would be considered lucky.

Reminding myself of him, I smiled. The memories of his horrible attempts at being on time flashed in my mind and brought a small giggle out of me. Oh, that’s right. How could I forget the example himself? For the boy I was waiting on, getting out of work was non-existent.

The feeling of a warm hand placing itself on my shoulder made me jump out of my seat, twisting around to stand in a fighting position with a little scream. When I saw the recognizable white parted hair and tired, doe eyes of Toge, I clasped both of my hands together and puckered my lips out of embarrassment.

He was quick to be apologetic, repeating the same weird ingredients he usually said over and over again, “Sujiko… Takana..?” But, by now, I somewhat understood what he meant. Takana was used as a form of asking if I was okay. Sujiko… That, I could only guess meant an expression like, ‘Oh gosh.’ Or I liked to imagine it was.

Hanging out with the cursed speech user outside of missions had benefits when it came to understanding his way of talking. Although, that was funny to mention because the way we had come about to regularly seeing each other was far from willing. Or maybe it wasn’t on my end. But, if I could take those doubts back, I would.

Thinking of that dredged up a flashback of how it all started.

•···· ‘ First Meeting Him . . . ’ ····•

My feet slipped while trying to hop onto the next stone in the middle of a river I was crossing, almost taking a tumble into the cold water before I saved myself by stretching out my arms. I regained my balance and breathed heavily, cursing underneath a couple of them.

Then I went for the fifth one, regaining momentum and skipping across each of them until I landed on my toes into the bed of pebbles near the water. Surprisingly, I had yet to cut them on a sharp object sticking through the dirt.

I turned my head from staring down at my legs and white skirt to looking at my reflection in the clear stream.

{E/C} eyes peered back at me, filled with happiness from the moment of quiet, and appreciation for the fact I didn’t have to stress my attention span on anyone. Or that’s what I thought.

Before I could get further with that thought, a headache began to form on the right side of my temple and I placed a hand up to it; worry rising as I knew what was happening when I heard ringing after the throbbing. My curse. It was coming.

I couldn’t understand how it was. A person had to be beside me in order for me to connect to their inner consciousness and they’d have to be in an extremely weak mindset which would take hours for me to perfect in battle.

So, what this was and what this meant was far beyond anything I’ve experienced with my curse. Right up until this very point.

Crouching down to my knees, I started to hold both sides of my head now. The pain and ringing worsening by the minute. I rocked back and forth to try to ease myself. Why was it so hard to connect to them? It was like they were poisoning my brain the more I tried to.

Whoever it was took me forever to process before I could hear the faint sound of mumbling, such a soft and sweet voice.

“What do I do? What do I do? I can’t have her knowing that I stopped to watch her… Even worse, she could think I followed,” I managed to make out what they were saying, the masculine tone rambling on and on, as if the boy had some form of hyperactivity disorder.

Thankfully, the migraine stopped once I was successful in linking. So I was able to stand up straight again. Looking around for the responsible one of my misery.

I figured I’d tell them I knew they were here to lure them out of their hiding, shouting with a lag on any words I couldn’t hear I was pronouncing right, “Who’s out there?! You can show yourself! I won’t be upset with you!” Hope I said that correctly.

The voice paused and no longer spoke a word, a silence enveloping the atmosphere and leaving me to barely confirm that they were still present by checking if my cursed energy was still being used. When I did, I called out a second time, “I promise! I won’t think anything bad of you! I can hear your thoughts! My curse is working with you as of now!”

My attempts at getting them to come out seemed futile and I was about to give up before I heard rustling in the bushes to my left. I turned my head to see who it was and to my surprise, it was that cursed first grade sorcerer. What was his name? Inumaki?

His chin was lowered but his eyes were wide and fixated on mine, like he was in shock. He was nervous from what I could tell in his body language: hesitant in his footsteps, jagged breathing, and small pupils. I could see a shake in how he walked too. Whatever it was that was scaring him about me, it was definitely due to underlying trauma.

And once I heard what he started to think about, I pieced together why, “Okaka, okaka, okaka, okaka.” He continuously repeated the Japanese word for ‘Fish Flakes’ in a panicked tone, his hand moving up to his forehead to press against it. Toge was forcing himself to not think anything because he was worried his curse would affect me.

The poor boy proceeded to break down in front of me, landing onto his knees in the grass while pulling at his hair as slips of actual words were coming into his sentences, “Okaka, I can’t, no! Stop thinking, Ikura, just Ikura! No, no, no, OKAKA!”

I could feel his torment. Having access to someone’s mind wasn’t a gift like people assume it is, this was why. You get to see what they see, feel how they feel, and physically align yourself to the point where it could be labeled as scientifically combining one’s spirit with another. That means I can see all of his past and present. I can understand every single thing Inumaki was trying to do for me in that moment. And it was to save. Save me from him. Only save me from him. That was what he was really trying to say.

There wasn’t enough time left of my ability for me to convince him to calm down and see that nothing was wrong. I was cut off before I could say a word of affirmation and from the look of dull surprise on Toge’s face, he sensed that it was over.

I don’t think I’ll be able to forget that look of sadness in his purple eyes when he came to the realization that everything was fine. That none of his words had hurt or done the things he had saw in his head. It’s what led me to tug his sleeve as he tried to leave.

Inumaki didn’t look at me, but he stopped. Like he was waiting for me to say what I had to say. So, I hurriedly proposed an idea I wouldn’t have blurted out had I not felt rushed, “Can I see you again?”

Admitting this now, I adored seeing that smile curving up his cheeks, as melancholy as it was. It’s what made me start to crush on the boy. He nodded his head and gave me a thumbs up, his eyes squinting into crescent-shaped moons while he remarked, “Shake.”

That was the beginning of our unspoken friendship.

•···· ‘ End of Flashback. . . ’ ····•

I blinked rapidly when coming back from the small memory trip, realizing that I had been staring at Toge the entire time I was lost in it. A blush creeped onto my face, I could feel the warmth scattering my cheeks and I lifted my hands to cover it; leaving my eyes open to keep eye contact with him.

That wasn’t a smart idea. He was bound to know that I was flustered. Inumaki had such an odd increased sense of observation because of his inability to have conversations. I could see it from how he looked at me. It always felt like he was reading into my soul, gently peeping behind the curtains of my brain, and looking at the scripture of my bones whenever he held his gaze on me like he was currently.

A hum left me and I laughed it off, brushing the sleeves of my brown cardigan on my cheeks, stepping toward him, “Pardon that, it’s so cold… Do you think we could go somewhere warmer?”

Toge lingered the stare for a minute before he gave me a break and answered, “Tsuna Tsuna.” I distinctly recall that to mean, ‘Look’ in his vocabulary. Confirming it when he grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me closer, bringing me into a hug.

At first, I thought he was trying to warm me up with his own body temperature but then I felt him taking off his jacket and that made me pull away. The stupid blush on my face wouldn’t ever go if he kept this up. I apologized and waved a hand at the action, “No, no! Thank you for the kindness.. But, you need that too.”

He continued to take it off and walked back to where he was in front of me, throwing the jacket over my shoulders and holding it there with the arm holes wide open.

I stared up at him, his face closer than before, and the details in it enough to make my face burn brighter; like a tomato. Then I slowly slid my arms through the warm piece of clothing, letting it mold into my body, giving him a small smile of comfort and gratitude.

Toge looked me up and down, holding two thumbs up with an exclamation of the word he uses for praise, “Mentaiko!” His eyes smiling at me once again.

Why did he have to be so sweet? I was lost in thought about my crush on the boy for what felt like the millionth time. Tired of stressing my feelings on it but I wasn’t able to say a word about it to him. I didn’t want to ruin a friendship that seemed so fragile by acting on something that’d be so selfish. He wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, he was looking for a friend. Someone he could finally have a connection with outside of his stressors. Not another load to bear.

Shunning myself from having anymore thoughts on the matter, I went to sitting on the bench from earlier again, Inumaki following behind and plopping down next to me.

We sat in silence and watched the scenery like I had been before, helping me calm myself so no more unnecessary romance made me avoid the white-haired boy. I closed my eyes and burrowed most of myself into the jacket to keep some heat maintained, the smell of rice and red mungbean paste wafting from it.

Glancing at Toge, I noticed that he was leaned and fixated on scribbling something on a paper resting in his lap. Seemingly to have got it from the backpack he carried here.

I watched as he jotted down the last of what he needed to write. He shoved the pencil back into one of the pockets of his bag and folded the paper up into a square; handing it to me the moment he was finished. My expression changed into a surprised stare, digging my fingers into the corners of it until I undid the folds one by one.

There was no way I would expect to see what I read on that paper, but I did. Stumbling over the words he wrote with shock.

‘Please, try to connect to me again?’

Looking over at him, my wide eyes met with his purple, calm orbs. Like he was trying to tell me it was okay. Inumaki outstretched his hand and placed it facing up on my thigh for me to hold it, peacefully smirking at me as if he was letting me know that he was ready to talk.

My breathing increased and my eyelashes fluttered, trying to process everything without getting too overjoyed, but that was really hard. He wanted to speak to me. Would I be the first person he’s talked to? Would I be the first to experience a conversation with a cursed speech user?

None of this mattered. The only thing that mattered was getting to experience the connection again and after having so much time to regain control over this cursed energy I had, I was more than prepared to pull it together.

My eyelids shut and I focused every single bit of my attention on Toge’s presence, pinpointing the exact spots of his soul and reaching out a hand to place it on his forehead. Sweeping hair out of the way for my palm.

A buzz of power vibrated through my entire arm and I could hear the sounds of almost thousands of student’s thoughts for a fraction of a second, my head spinning until a snap was heard. And then quiet. I could picture a thin white line in my head, the sound of soft, running water making me giggle. His soul was so gentle and pretty. It was exactly what I thought it would be like.

I opened my eyes to look at his handsome face once more, giving him a nod to let him know that I succeeded in the connection. My heart picking up pace and thumping against my chest as I waited to hear that voice of his.

Quiet but kind, he murmured to me, “Can you… hear this?” I eagerly nodded, a wide grin accidentally peeping from my lips as I said, “Yes! Yes, I can!” His eyebrows raised and he appeared starstruck, choking out in his mind, “You can… And nothing is happening to you? You can talk to me?”

Tears formed in the corners of his ducts out of being overwhelmed, threatening to spill while I continued to shake my head up and down, confirming the one thing he had been wanting almost his whole life.

He scoffed, thinking out loud with more confidence, “I didn’t think something like this was possible for me…” I had never heard him speak so clearly before. Last time he was so hard to hear that I had to listen to each syllable for a clue on what he was saying. Now, he spoke directly into his head.

But, pushing everything to the side, I was curious about his reasoning. Why was he suddenly okay with this? So, I asked him, “What made you want to connect?”

Toge bit his lip at the question and a random look of nervousness crossed his face, his directness failing him as he gave himself away instantly, “I was trying to ask if you would be willing to cross the boundaries of friends and into something more…?” My jaw dropped at what he just said, looking at him like he was insane before coughing a reply, “Wow! I wouldn’t have thought this was what you were going to say! Um…!”

Tilting my head to the ground, I tucked my knees together and sheepishly took the hand that he kept there from earlier. Interlocking my fingers with his and squeaking out, “I think I would really enjoy that…”

This was happening. He was confessing feelings for me I believed didn’t exist a moment ago and telling me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. Holy, shit. Mind my language, but seriously! HOLY, SHIT!

Inumaki squeezed my hand and reached over to grab my chin with his other one, turning me to face him so he could get closer. Observing how I was responding to the situation with a tiny smirk. Was he being cocky? The Toge Inumaki?

He touched noses with me, asking as he barely hovered his lips on mine, “I don’t know why… but I really want to…Is it okay if I kiss you, {Y/N}?” My breath caught in my throat and I froze, responding through my own thought, “Yes.”

There was no hesitation after, our lips locking in a tight hold as he brushed his hand to the back of my neck, tugging me into him to where we were smushed against one other. A small bit of desperation in the pull, causing the both of us to stay in the kiss until we needed a break for oxygen.

I panted once apart, Toge moving his arm from holding my hand to pushing his fingers to my lower stomach, hesitating right around there. He murmured, “Can I go all the way?” Struggling from holding back by the way he was dragging down. I dug my teeth into my tongue and contemplated over the ask, secretly accepting it as soon as he mentioned it. Fuck, I felt like such a bad influence.

“Do it,” I quickly whispered into his ear, nuzzling down into the crook of his neck to hide there afterward. What were we doing? What if someone saw?

Me and Toge were exchanging kisses on an outside bench. We were cuddled up until the white-haired boy laid me down on the wooden planks, his lips dipping for my neck and sucking on parts that were exposed. I gasped, wrapping my arms around him to plant my nails deep into his back. I didn’t mean to hurt him, I was just overstimulated by the rushes of dopamine from every single touch he gave.

It was so soft. Even as he pushed his fingers underneath my skirt and in between my thighs, it tickled me from how delicate he was. This was weird. Who knew I would like someone touching me like this?

Inumaki hovered above my underwear once he got around to them, swallowing nervously while he confirmed with me for a second time, “I can go ahead? You want this?” He was so adorable in the way he quirked his head like a puppy as he asked, his messy hair making me want to squeal. But I refrained.

I decided to vocally express it now, “Yes, I want you to.” Hopefully that would get it through to him. His face almost innocent for that brief moment he asked right until he got the message. A darkness shading over his face before he hooked his fingers on the fabric that covered me. Pushing them to the side and making me hold my breath.

He was doing this to me. He was really going to do this with me. Out in public. My head turned to stare out at the falling leaves with a churning anxiety in my stomach now. Letting the boy above me feel the wetness between my legs with his fingertips, pushing down to my entrance and slowly sliding one third of it in.

If my grip was bad then, I couldn’t imagine how it was once he started. It felt like he was trying to tease me for the first half of it, constantly taking his fingers out, pushing an entire digit inside, then half of another, and proceed to completely abandon the whole thing. Like he was experimenting with me and figuring out which made me feel the best. Eventually, I had to plead, “Toge, Toge…! Can you please… just keep them in?” That was awfully embarrassing.

The purple-eyed boy raised his brows, gushing out an apology and pulling completely away instead, “Oh..! Sorry… You feel really.. nice. I hope this is okay…” Before he went to kiss from my neck down to my chest, all the way to my hips. Looking up at me through those white eyelashes of his as he went for it, wrapping his mouth on my sensitive bud and dipping his tongue to my entrance.

He lapped in and out of me, my legs tensing and squeezing around him on accident while he dragged me into sitting on top of his face. Peering at his eyes that stared straight up at me, the other half of him covered by my thighs and lower half. I humped a tiny bit from how good I was feeling. Unable to stop myself from getting out of hand because he was driving me nuts with his pace.

I couldn’t keep it in for longer if he kept pressing the tip of his tongue on those sweet spots inside. Or if he kept sucking on the right places. Anything. I would unwind. And I didn’t want to make a mess on him.

Without me saying a word about it, it was like he knew I was close because of how fast he got all of a sudden. Thrusting his tongue until my legs were shaking. I cried out, reaching for and tugging on his hair. Toge groaned on me, sounding like he was annoyed, “Cum already.”

Those were real. He actually said that. And I couldn’t respond to it because my first instant reaction was to scream, collapsing forward onto the arm of the bench to hold tight as I rocked my hips.

All of my juices fell out of me and anything that couldn’t be caught by him dripped down the sides of his cheeks onto the floor. I twitched and lifted myself off, my shoes thudding on the concrete as I tried to regain my balance. Jesus, fuck, I can’t believe he did that. I can’t believe WE did that. I was so dizzy from it, I didn’t know how I was awake. My hand reached up to rub my forehead.

Although, I had no idea that Inumaki had different plans. The sound of another command from him frightening me to my core, “Take them off.” I didn’t even know what he was telling me to take off but I went for his pants anyway, guessing that he could mean something and I would still do it despite not knowing. His ability was something else. And to say that I’m not freaked out about what he was telling me to do was an understatement.

Toge was making me hook up with him. Not like I wasn’t going to in the first place, I’m only confirming this because he was going down this route and I shamefully liked it. Well, loved it…

After taking his cargo pants off of him and resting them at his knees, he helped take off his boxers next, making me cover my eyes out of sheer inexperience. I’ve never seen one in real life. And here I was about to see Toge’s. This was my first time. He seemed to get how I was feeling because he patted my head for reassurance, cooing at me in thought, “Take your time… Sorry that I’m so eager. I hope you aren’t minding, {Y/N}..”

Oh no, I was far from minding. I snickered at myself and dropped my hands from my face, excusing my behavior, “Crap…! I don’t mean to act like a kid! I haven’t done this and it’s so nerve-wracking!” Red was covering my cheeks once again as I glanced over to see his exposed erection, becoming a flustered heaping pile of mush.

Toge huffed, “That’s why I was saying uh… those commands.. If I keep doing it, will that help?” Sounding so sexually frustrated that I was starting to feel bad for holding out. But, he was suggesting an actual solution that had been working. It made sense.

So, I agreed, “Yeah… actually.” And he cleared his throat with a squint to his eyes, quickly adjusting himself. It was crazy seeing the words really leaving his mouth, “Ride me.” That could go for what he was telling me to do as well.

Feeling my body go on autopilot, both of my legs straddled the sides of Inumaki’s hips, and I began lowering myself until his tip was prodding around my inner thigh. My hand grabbed the base once I struggled for a minute, aligning it against my entrance to ease his shaft into me.

A gasp escaped my lungs, moans cascading afterward while I shakily grabbed onto both of his shoulders, his arms wrapping around my waist to hold and guide me on him. Fucking into me as I bounced lightly. I could feel how small I was for him from his dick refusing to slide out at some points. Like my body was trying to keep him inside.

We groaned in unison, syncing with each other’s movements, my voice pitching when he brushed into a spot that he abused earlier. He memorized where it was and aimed directly for it, his eyebrows knitting together as sweat dripped down from his forehead. It was so good. He felt so good. And he had a look to his face that I would never forget.

After fifteen minutes of doing it out in the open, someone was finally about to walk past and I sensed them barely seconds before they could see us. Pretending to have fell asleep on Toge once the person arrived. His jacket placed over our lower halves.

“What’s up Inumaki? Aaaaannnnd… {Y/N}…” the sound of Maki’s voice made me internally cringe as she seemed like she was getting closer. Making me pray that she wouldn’t get any ideas about what was going on. If she found out, we wouldn’t hear the end of it.

He gave his usual greeting, “Konbu..” Playing it off surprisingly well with the tone of his speech, no stutters whatsoever. Even though I could feel his dick throbbing inside of me and that was not helping my case in fighting against the demand he gave.

I tried to steady my breathing into the soft breaths like I do when I’m about to fall asleep, panicking in my mind, forgetting that Toge can hear, “I want to so badly.! I need to! I need to!” In my defense, I really couldn’t help it. He told me to do it in cursed speech. Every part of my body was screaming at me to, pain coursing through my skin when I denied the action.

Maki’s voice lowered, sounding like she was getting suspicious which terrified me, “What is she doing lying on you like that, Inumaki?” But, I couldn’t think of anything from the burn of the speech curse and it seemed like he knew that. Because even as she was right there and asking him, he began to subtly roll his hips into me, helping relieve it.

The way he said the ingredients in response were getting a bit butchered, “Nntsuna m-mayo..” And his swear word kept slipping when he pushed himself deeper into me, “Ikura…” I held my breath as I tried not to make a single noise. Too hard. Way too hard. This was such a dangerous game to play. But, why did I love it so much?

It seemed like Maki knew something was up from the way she responded, although she didn’t know what, “Ooookay… Well, I’m not going to get any information out of you any time soon.” Keeping it at that, I could make out her energy walking away from us to the other side. A huge wave of relief washed over me as I arched back into a sitting position on him, spreading my legs so he could move more freely. We were right back into it with our lust at an all time high.

Toge did most of the work when it came to it, but he didn’t seem to care. His dedication in making me feel amazing nothing short. Fingers slipping down to play with my bud after I became labored in my moans, edging me closer and closer into cumming again. My walls tightened around him before more of my liquids rushed out onto his lap, becoming a huge mess.

I wanted to apologize for ruining the bottom half of his shirt, but I couldn’t. He wouldn’t let me, continuously ramming into me until he was approaching his own end. There were several actual curses from him inside of his head as he neared it, no longer those innocent food items he loved, “Fuck.. How does it feel so.. tight? Fuck, that feels too good..! Y/N}… I think I’m going to… I need to..!”

Then he pulled out at the very last moment to cum around my lower back, most of it landing on my underwear and sabotaging them like I had with his clothing.

I was exhausted, both of us panting and taking a break by resting on the bench. Pulling up my panties as dirty as that was. I liked to think it was like a finishing touch. I gave him a small peck on the cheek, muttering weakly, “I like you… Toge…” Too shy to say the word ‘Love’ despite what we did just now.

Using the last of my strength, I kept up the connection of our brains to hear him reply back, not hearing a hesitation to his voice in the slightest, “I love you, {Y/N}.” Then I passed out on him quickly after, ironically fulfilling what we feigned earlier.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Oh wait- different anon here but is it alright to just leave public hair alone?? Like most of the time I just tend to forget it even exists, and then occasionally I'll go over and shave/trim it but I only do that like once or twice every couple months- is that- fine or should I be trying to do it more regularly???? Sorfy- I don't know much about this stuff,, my family doesn't really talk about things like this TvT

Yeah, man, go wild. A lot of folks trim because of aesthetic reasons but there’s no health or safety reason to touch your pubic hair. It’s just about looks and personal comfort.