#(one part of her daily life being her getting REALLY obsessed with harry potter)

[bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue]

XVI quill for the DA asks?

Sure! Thanks for the ask!

XVI - Quill - Longest work you've written? (whether academic or not)

This is a little embarrassing, but I think the longest work I’ve ever written was a novel I worked on between the ages of 6 and 8. It was called Meet Flourence and it was about the daily life of a third-grade girl named Flourence [sic], heavily inspired by the Clementine series, the Ramona series, the American Girl books, and—by the end—Harry Potter, which I had become obsessed with by the age of 8 so I just had all the characters read and become obsessed with it too. It was about 40,000 words long and 200 pages (in Times New Roman, size 18) by the end. Since then, everything longer-form that I’ve tried to write has stalled out pretty quickly, meaning my writing effectively peaked in about third grade.

If you don’t count that, the longest thing I’ve ever written and finished is probably something called The AI Avengers, a self-described “screenplay/fanfiction/novella” that I wrote when I was 11-12. It was all part of a longer email line I had with my dad where I’d respond to everything he wrote in the form of a sort-of screenplay describing all my favorite fictional characters saying things, getting into fights, and having adventures. (My dad is a saint for attentively reading and responding to all of that!) The AI Avengers was an arc in those emails, inspired by a lot of articles and books I’d read about AI and futurism at the time, about me going with some of my favorite Star Wars and Harry Potter characters on an mission to defeat several superintelligent AI, one of whom is literally Donald Trump. Yeah.… It’s about 27,000 words long in total.

And if we’re not counting that, then my Beboptober fics are 26,000 words long in total, and they might top 27,000 and be longer than The AI Avengers once I FINALLY finish Day 31.

The longest academic paper I’ve written thus far is a paper I actually just completed a few weeks ago for my Social Psychology class, on the topic of advertising. It’s almost 4,000 words long. Someday I’ll have to write an actual thesis, though, and probably break that record by a LOT. If I declare a Creative Writing major (as opposed to just English), I can write a novel as my thesis…hmm, maybe I’ll just submit Meet Flourence!

[Dark Academia Asks]

[jimblejamblewritings]

I am not a Snape defender

I'm sorry but I really don't understand the "Snape defense, james & sirius are the worst" in relation to each other...

Snape wasn't a randomly innocent victim of Potter and Black's bullying. Being in with the future Death Eater squad isn't exactly innocent. Also, it's stated that James and Severus were always at each other's throats. That's not the marauders were big bullies and Snape was an innocent victim.

Side note: people saying that James was a dick to everyone. That's fanon. We only know he hates Snape. And he hates Snape specifically because he's into Dark Arts.

And we are seeing all of this through Snape's vision. Our own opinions and memories of ourselves can be skewed. Severus only joining the baby Death Eaters after he calls Lily a mudblood and she pushes him away isn't believable. He was friends with the baby Death Eaters at school before they became Death Eaters... I'm sorry but I don't believe in our real world that a person can be friends with racists but because they have one minority friend I should assume they aren't racist. So I can't believe that in this world either.

Need I start with he had no problems using what is effectively a slur in their world. Or is the whole mudblood thing just a one time outburst at Lily? Ain't no damn way a slur just rolls of the tongue in frustration unless it's something someone says on a daily basis.

He goes to apologize and she's like well you call every other muggleborn that so why not me...

(side note: lily wtf? why would you be friends with him when you know that? I'm not staying friends with someone that would regularly call black people the n word. anyway...)

That means he's been using that slur against muggleborns and harassing them. So he doesn't just become a bully after the marauders tormented him in school. He's been one.

Snape and his friends also try to do something apparently evil to Mary MacDonald. That's someone who wasn't James or close to him like the Marauders. She didn't do anything and they tried to/ wanted to hurt her anyway. That's a bully.

Like I'm sorry but this man was a Death Eater and only turned to the good side to beg for Lily's life because he was obsessed with her. He didn't give a shit if Voldemort killed James or Harry who was like a six month old. He only wanted Lily to live and when Voldemort didn't spare her that's when he went to the good side.

And when people bring up "James sexually harassed Snape by using Levicorpus that exposed his underwear" ... my guy, Snape invented that spell. So are we to assume he never used it? Cause I don't. So you better bring that energy for Snape as well if this is the road we're going down. And he doesn't take off Severus' underwear.

The text mentions that after taking off his trousers you can see grey underpants. When it says pants, it still means trousers not the common use of pants the way most British people say it. Most because certain parts of the UK don't, fun fact. And again, Snape came up with the spell. It's oh so convenient that we only see James use the spell against him but not Snape using it against other people to what we can assume is the same extent as James.

Also the whole werewolf thing... I'm sorry but if you suspect someone is a werewolf and confront their friends about it, the people you don't like and who don't like you, why the hell would you go on the night of the full moon. Sirius telling him how to get past the Willow honestly doesn't change much. Lily tells Snape she already knows his theory after he points out that Lupin disappears every month at the full moon. The dude knew or stongly suspected that Remus was a werewolf. And still decided to see if his theory was correct, putting himself in the line of fire of a full grown werewolf.

Like I'm not necessarily absolving Sirius because he should have known that the boy who hates them would be arrogant enough to still go after them even if he thinks Remus is a werewolf. But still, that means Snape was arrogant or stupid enough to do that despite his suspicions before confronting Sirius, which he did on the night of the full moon so at this point Snape knows he has all the facts. But even if we only blame Sirius...

Snape still calls people mudbloods, bullies children that aren't Harry (not that that's okay) at his grown ass age, and didn't think Voldemort was wrong until he killed the obsession of his life. Like that enough I'm good on him.

And everyone else has a skewed story but Snape? No. That's not how that would work. We also only see a few incidents and nothing about what happens in between or even what leads up to them. It's just as skewed as anyone else's memories we see in the book. Like remember when Tom Riddle's diary only showed Harry certain moments to make it look like it was Aragog and Hagrid knew.

And to anyone that recognizes Snape being friends with the baby Death Eaters but saying that we don't know if he was a bully.... It's giving, "I can excuse racism but animal cruelty is where I draw the line."

Some other things I've seen, I'll discuss in little bullet points:

An 11 year old James saying who wants to be in Slytherin or Hufflepuff and Snape overhearing isn't James being a bully. It's an 11 year old not wanting to be seen as lame cause everyone calls those houses lame (or evil in Slytherins case).

Saying that James and Sirius are rich doesn't suddenly make them bullies. There's not a power imbalance that they use against him. They don't make fun of him being poor. They hex him with spells he came up with. I don't think they would only bully Snape for being poor, nobody else, and then ignore the Death Eater part. They were hating him for the Dark Arts, not cause he had no money. We don't know about Remus or Peter's financial status but considering they are never mentioned as rich then at best they're probably middle class to poor. I don't think they'd be around for that type of bullying.

Y'all siding with the wizard racist, obsessive man who is a dick to kids at 30, I can't be convinced about Snape. Sorry. I also don't get the Snape deserves a redemption arc storyline but not Draco. However that's a different story. Like JK writing him bullying children and then saying but it's not that big a deal is skewed. She also had Harry name his kid after Dumbledore and the entire fandom agrees that the man doesn't deserve it.

[jjfics]

Room 19 ll 01

ship: Harry Potter x female!Reader

summary: Harry and the reader both work at the Ministry and are sent together on a mission. their feelings for each other start shifting as they arrive at the hotel.

author: Jane Jack aka your girl JJfics

word count: 2050

a/n: i usually like writing established relationships so this is something new to me but it is a trope i have always enjoyed so i hope you will too. i was on a phone call with my best friend while writing this and they said, and i quote, i dropped my french fry, on the couch

Dragging a suitcase full of clothes can be very exhausting when you are not allowed to do magic. While you could theoretically obliviate all the muggles that happen to see you two, it would be a waste of time. You and the oh-so-famous Harry James Potter were placed together for this mission by the Ministry of Magic, and so far it has been going great. If not talking to each other unless you had to is considered great.

You had expected him to be cockier and pretend to know everything. It’s what the Daily Prophet says anyway. But he has been very silent around you and even though you would never admit this to anyone, especially to him, you have been wondering if he is like this with everybody or if this is about you.

You were supposed to pretend to be a muggle couple who goes on vacation while investigating the activities of some suspicious wizards. Those wizards and witches you were assigned to keep an eye on live somewhere in the countryside of Scotland. No train and no bus could take you this far.

You were currently on a deserted road with Potter on your right checking a map as you did your best to not kick the suitcase that contained both of your clothes out of annoyance. You hated having agreed to take turns with it but at this point, you wanted to give up.

It has been an hour since you last turned left on this road. There was a village somewhere ahead but it seems so far away you might as well just sleep right here. Stargazing with Harry Potter did not sound like a bad story to tell your friends later, but you had to remind yourself how awkward that would turn soon as he refuses to talk to you at all.

“We should be there in about half an hour,” he said suddenly. Oh, so now he talked, good to know.

“Okay,” you sighed.

“What?” he looked up from the map in his hands to face you.

“I don’t even know… Can’t we take a break? We’ll get there eventually.”

“No, y/n. There is a perfect timing at which we have to be at the hotel. We have to arrive at the same time as the group. Is something you would have known if you actually read the instructions we were given before this trip,” he furrowed his brows and said with exasperation latched in his voice.

“You think you’re the only one who cares about this mission? Not everything is about you, Potter,” you said with a cold voice. Maybe he hasn’t been talking to you not because he doesn’t like you personally, which you would totally not even care about, never, but because he was too obsessed with himself to acknowledge anyone else.

“I never said everything is about me!” Harry shouted back at you. “I don’t even want it to be. But I do want this mission to go well, specifically.”

“Why?” you let the suitcase fall on the ground completely moved closer to him.

Potter looked over your head at the road, avoiding eye contact. “It doesn’t matter,” he said and he hated it because his voice sounded a bit unsure. “It doesn’t matter” he repeated.

You rolled your eyes and took a step even closer. “Then why do you care? I bet you didn’t even want to be placed with me, did you?” you shouted back with pain. “You think I’ll screw this up for you, don’t you, Potter?”

“No, y/n, God, just shut up!” he grabbed your arm and pulled you off the road. You were both so concentrated on getting the stress of the trip out on the other that you didn’t even hear a car coming down the street. Its speed slowed down as it approached you and the driver rolled down the window.

The man inside looked you up and down and then stuck out his hand. “Ben Nelson.” he introduced himself.

Potter shook his hand and gave him a small and awkward smile. “Harry Campbell,” he said. He nodded his head in your direction and added shortly “And y/n Campbell.”

The driver laughed stiffly and raised his eyebrows. “And what might you kids be doing here alone?”

“We were just trying to get to the village, not too far away from here,” Potter told him.

“Ah, that’s where I’m heading… yeah… well, come on, do you want me to help you put that trunk of yours in the back?” the man chuckled.

“What?” you asked, confused.

“Yeah, I’m taking you there, come on.” he took his seatbelt off, but Harry held his hand up.

“Thank you, sir. We can put the suitcase ourselves.”

“Okay, but hurry up you. I don’t have all the time in the world like you young ones.”

Potter smirked at you, and you tried to hide the way you blushed by bringing your hands up to your hair to tie it back before dragging the suitcase once more and closing the trunk loudly. You and Potter got in the backseat together, just to make it clear that you were a couple, you thought; he probably wouldn’t sit next to you otherwise.

“You two have been together for long?” Nelson asks.

You are still very mad at your partner, but you have to put on an act. You are not y/n y/ln anymore. Now you are y/n Campbell. “One year,” you falsely giggle. “But it has been the best year of my life” you put your arm on Potter’s thigh, and you could swear he stopped breathing for a second.

“My wife and I have been together for 30 years. Met her when I was young like you… Good times, good times.”

You got to the hotel way faster than you had assumed at first, making your argument from earlier look stupid now. You didn’t apologize though, and neither did he. As you entered the hotel you left Potter in the hall with the suitcase and handed him your ugly muggle coat (you missed your soft travel robes a lot) and headed to a toilet.

After fixing yourself in the mirror, trying to delay having to talk to him again, you finally exited the restroom and looked for him in the cold entrance hallway. There he was in a corner, with your coat over his shoulder and his arms crossed, making you wonder how even women’s clothing looked this good on him. He had a frustrated expression on his face as if something was bothering him a great deal.

“Where are my clothes?” you asked.

“Our clothes are in room 19. A kind person offered to take them there for us while I waited for you. Let’s go.” It didn’t make sense. What was his problem now? You arrived early; everything went as planned.

He walked in front of you through the large lobby of the hotel to the stairs like he knew the way already. The woman must have shown him where the room is. He didn’t stop until you reached the second floor. There were many tall brown doors down the hall but you kept passing them. The numbers on the wall next to them kept increasing until, at last, there was 19.

Potter reached in the pocket of his pants for a small golden key to open the door. Inside it smelled like old wood and fresh air. It was truly a beautiful room that reminded you a bit of your own at home. Everything had a nostalgic feeling to it that made you feel welcome. But there was one small thing you didn’t realize at first. One small problem.

There was only one bed.

A big bed with white sheets stood in the corner with your suitcase underneath. Your tired feet begged you to jump on it and immediately fall asleep, but your brain would not let you. Because Potter must have wanted to do the same, but none of you moved.

“I will sleep on the floor,” you said quickly.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll do it. You have to rest.”

“Listen, Potter, I know you want to be a gentleman for once, but I’m not that tired.” Lie. “You can take the bed."

“But you carried the suitcase; you deserve this more” he scratched the back of his head. Did he believe you to be weak?

“I will sleep on the floor” you hissed and walked over to the bed to take one of the pillows.

The watch on your hand told you it was 1 am when you woke up on the hard wooden floor. Your back and feet hurt like crazy and you regretted being the brave one more and more. All you wanted now was to lay on the soft bed next to Potter. His breathing was even as his chest rose and fell back slowly. His hair was messy, his lips parted as he slept. He looked peaceful like this, almost like someone you could suffer being around.

You didn’t bother to turn on the lights as you crossed the room to the bathroom. The moonlight which came through the window was enough to guide you.

You tried falling back asleep after, but woke up disappointed at 3 am again. You searched your entire memory for any Sleeping Spell but you couldn’t remember any. Perhaps Potter would not even know what had happened to you next morning when he couldn’t wake you up and worry.

You did not want him to be worried, ever, so you stopped trying. You sighed and looked over to the comfortable bed once again. He was still in the same position. Nothing was bothering his perfect sleep.

He would not mind, after all, would he? If you just got 3 hours of actual sleep and then moved back on the floor in the morning? He would not notice your presence. He did want you to take the bed, so why not do it?

You hugged your pillow close to your chest and watched him in case he woke up as you made your way next to him. Doing your best not to touch him you stood as far as possible on the bed. He rolled over and you could not tell if he was awake for his face was turned to the wall. Anxiety was flowing through your veins but only for a moment. Who cares if he woke up? He would say something if it really bothered him.

You fell asleep quite instantly. Even though it was more like a short nap it was the best sleep you had ever had in your life. So warm and comfortable. It was a refreshing dreamless night. You yawned softly before opening your eyes and you wanted to stretch your arms, but you found that you couldn’t. Something was restraining you.

And then you realized that it was a bit too sunny inside the room for it to only be 6 am as you had planned.

You opened your eyes slowly only to be met with Potter’s face very close to yours. His eyes were still closed and he looked very content with the position you two were in: cuddling with his hands around your waist and your head previously on his shoulder. You found yourself not wanting to move or disrupt him. You wanted to stay there forever. He was more than just sufferable like this.

But you did not want him to know about this, that is, if he still didn’t. So you attempted to get off the bed. It was almost painful, leaving him and the bed, but you had to get ready for the first part of the mission today. He smiled in his sleep as you sighed, wondering what he could have been dreaming about that made him happy.

He woke up 15 minutes later when you were already dressed. You made sure to return your pillow to the cold floor and hoped he didn’t realize what happened during the night. With the wands hidden in both of your coats you made your way to a cafe in the village for breakfast, where, according to the instructions from the Ministry, you should observe the group of wizards from afar.

[popunktomlinson]

this is everything i’ve read in the past month put into a list for the sole benefit of my short term memory. it’s a mess of pairings but mostly drarry and can be summed up as lots of enemies to lovers, excessive pining, and a splash of fake dating.

Drarry:

What Real Thing? - loveglowsinthedark (13k)

They don’t cuddle, they don’t talk about their relationship (or lack thereof) and they certainly never fall asleep in each other’s arms.

Aural Gratification - birdsofshore (11k)

Harry's not gay – he just likes listening to exciting stories about Aurors. It's not his fault that the narrator's voice is so smooth, so expressive... and really rather hot.

You open always (petal by petal) - birdsofshore (65k)

Harry’s not the kind of person who pays for sex. He really isn’t. Until he is.

Lumos - birdsofshore (41k)

Harry never expected to spend eighth year listening to Draco Malfoy wanking.

Heartlines - shiftylinguini (73k)

Harry never expected he’d end up chipping away at his virginity while wandless and bonded to Malfoy in Northern Europe.

He never expected that would turn out to be the least surprising thing to happen while out on their training expedition in the middle of nowhere, either.

The Sleeping Beauty Curse - who_la_hoop (153k)

When Draco Malfoy falls into a cursed sleep and can only be woken – at least, according to the Daily Prophet, that impeccable source of truth – by ‘true love’s kiss’, Harry Potter knows there’s no way on earth he’s the answer to this particular riddle. Is he . . .?

Strange Bedfellows - orphan_account, ravenclawsquill (31k)

When Harry encounters a frail and fidgety Draco Malfoy at the Ministry, he just knows something is wrong and he’s determined to get to the bottom of it.

A story about Deadly Nightshade, crippling insomnia, excellent wine … and finding what you need in the strangest of circumstances.

The Devil’s White Knight - orphan_account (65k)

When Harry wakes up in an alternate timeline--a timeline where Voldemort was defeated long before the first war--he discovers everything is different. His parents, his godfather, his friends--and him. Harry must deal with the consequences of who he would have been if he had been raised by his parents, and figure out where he stands with his casual hook up, Draco Malfoy.

Who Shagged Harry Potter? - faithwood (6k)

One beautiful sunny Sunday the Slytherins wake up after a raunchy night only to discover a very naked Harry Potter sleeping in their dormitory. Naturally, they ask themselves a logical question: Who the hell shagged him?

Draco Malfoy, It’s Your Lucky Day - faithwood (47k)

Even though he's unarmed, injured, lost in the Forbidden Forest, and facing a possible murder charge, Draco Malfoy gets lucky.

Love Comes Tumbling - taradiane (22k)

'Harry's thoughts were of how much he would have done differently with Malfoy over the years, and of Dumbledore's final words to the other boy . . . "It is my mercy, and not yours, that matters now." Maybe, Harry wondered, he could find some mercy, too, and give Malfoy the second chance that Dumbledore had believed him worthy of.’

punch-drunk fingerprints - tamerofdarkstars (2k)

In a world where every touch of a soulmate leaves a temporary heat mark on bare skin, Draco Malfoy suddenly finds his life devolving into a massive cliche because the Boy Who Lived Twice has no idea how to respect the personal space bubble.

Muggle Technology and Heroism - TommyLane (90k)

Draco Malfoy wasn’t exactly the best roommate Harry’s ever had. The man tended to watch way too much James Bond and his obsession with muggle technology not only rivaled Arthur Weasley’s but more often than not ended with Harry trying to assure him that the appliances weren’t out to get him. Then there was the little fact that Harry was hopelessly in love with him while Draco remained completely unaware, bringing nameless men home night after night.

But Harry loved his life and was somewhat (as long as he doesn’t actually think about it) content enough in the way things were going. That is until Draco’s old boyfriend comes sweeping back into town – making Draco breakfast and fixing the remote control before Harry can and forcing him to realize that if he doesn’t do something soon, that he might lose the man he loves before he even gets a chance to ever actually have him.

Party of Two - fireflavored (13k)

Drinking, sex, and a total misreading of the concept of fuck buddies.

A Dented Old Street Sign - orphanghost (27k)

Draco knows they aren't the only students who will be completing their NEWTs this year, but they are the only ones whose home fireplaces were disconnected from the floo network by the ministry.

At least, Draco assumes as much until he sees the light falling out from the front door of one of the other rickety old houses in front of them and the three figures cast in its warm glow. For a moment they look like some sort of strange, many legged creature. An acromantula, or a particularly massive Blast-Ended Skrewt. Then Draco hears Pansy make a disgusted sound beside him and the light falls in a less blinding way, and Draco can see that it is actually Potter and the Weasel carrying a large couch between them, and Granger fluttering around them with her wand out, seeming concerned.

(The Piece) I was Missing All Along - lauren3210 (31k)

Draco and Harry have been flatmates and best friends for years, and Draco thinks life is just perfect that way. But when something comes along and threatens to take all that away, Draco has to decide what it is he really wants, and just how hard he's going to work to get it.

The Gentlewizard Club - Sophie_French (28k)

Draco wants what Draco wants. And if he has to snuggle up to Harry to get it, well, surely, Draco can handle that. Problem is, not sure Harry can.

Larry:

A Little Bit Like Fate - Galaxie (8k)

Louis stumbles upon a kiss-in protest for LGBTQ rights, and he meets Harry. They click. It feels a little bit like fate.

Go Nowhere Tonight - objectlesson (12k)

As always, the easy nonchalance with which he treats the rumors hurts, stabs Harry in the gut, twists the knife. Because it is hard for Harry; it’s hard to know people think they should be or are together because he wants that. Wants it so fucking badly, and it would be one thing if he could just silently quarantine that part of himself and pine secretly, but instead he’s faced with fictionalized accounts of his and Louis’s nonexistent love life and photoshopped pictures of them being coupley every time he’s on the internet. It is hard, and the fact that it supposedly isn’t for Louis functions as proof that it’s unrequited. “It’s gonna be a rude awakening for them,” he starts, gazing into his empty glass, “when we eventually come out but are dating other people. No one likes being half-right.”

Good Enough to Eat - objectlesson (7k)

“Okay. I just...fuck, I can’t believe I’m telling you this,” Harry whimpers, and he must be blushing because Louis can feel waves of heat coming off him, his embarrassment a hot, palpable thing. “So, like…I love rimming videos. Nothing makes me come harder,” he admits, covering his face with his hands so his voice comes out muffled and strangled.

You Drive Me Crazy (I Just Can’t Sleep) - objectlesson (18k)

The first time Louis ends up in Harry’s bed is a total accident.

Vinyl and Lace - objectlesson (8k)

Harry tries on a skirt in the X Factor dressing room as a joke. Louis doesn't think it's very funny.

Wolfstar: 

Let Us Be Silent, That We May Hear the Whispers of the Gods - gyzym (2k)

Remus Lupin doesn't want to hear it--not tomorrow and not yesterday, but certainly not right now.

Trobed:

Advanced Ambulatory Ichthyology - gyzym (49k)

Course provides advanced instruction in avoidance of the phenomenon commonly known as "jumping the shark." Prerequisites for this course include Introduction to Friendship, Contemporary Best Friendship, The Politics of Emotional Baggage and Cohabitation 207. Students may wish to simultaneously enroll in our sister course, Introduction to Non-Traditional Romance, but said enrollment is optional.

Introduction to Women’s Studies - ama (7k)

You know the story. They're best friends, they're inseparable, Abra has a rainbow collection of hijabs as extensive and impressive as her graphic t-shirt collection and is the hottest girl Tory's seen outside of a mirror--not that that means anything. Right?

[ammalythic]

The diary of a Norwegian troll

[Sorry for my bad English, I'm French. I do my best]

My oldest memories date from my 5 years.

I remember my last year of kindergarten. During this period, I had a "click" compared to other children my age. I quickly felt out of step. First of all because my way of defending myself was very childish but also because I was a clumsy, hypersensitive, anxious, nervous, anxious, obsessive, maybe even having a certain dyspraxia. I was diagnosed much later with Asperger's.

It is true that, since my elementary school, I have always had the role of the "scapegoat". I couldn't integrate myself. They called me "the plague". I was the contagious beast that you should never approach.

I do not know the exact origin of these mockery (which lasted until college). I have always been stigmatized by others without ever really understanding why. I wasn’t an unhappy kid though, it was just like that and that’s all, "fatality". Sometimes I was jealous of well-integrated people but nothing more.

Many children have been subjected to bullying at school. Many children have been stigmatized, described as "bizarre" or "different". And, while this is absolutely terrible, other children have experienced sexual assault. Not all of them, however, began to identify as creatures. No, in reality, something happened in my head. In fact, I began to consider myself "non-human." Maybe because of the stigma, maybe because of the disgust of the human being, or whatever.

After all, in my stories, humans always played the role of villains. At that time, I was already clearly saying to myself "I am not a human". I thought I was some kind of alien sent to Earth, on a mission or something like that. It must, among other things, explain my difference from other kids. I don't know if I really believed it, but I know I wanted to believe it. I thought I was close to Adi / Adibou, an alien character from a French video game / children's series.

I remember, at the end of the lessons, I explained to my "best friend" that my father secretly built a rocket to bring me back to my real planet.

In primary school, I started to read many fictions. Harry Potter being my favorite (especially fantastic creatures). I read about witches, fairies, vampires, dragons and werewolves. I felt like they could understand me better than anyone.

I particularly liked the comic strip "Witch". In this fiction, there is a “Metamonde” named “Méridian” populated by “hideous” but nice creatures. I felt good reading these stories and made up my life there, accompanied by these benevolent monsters.

My favorite scene was obviously the one where the professor turns into a monster: her true form.

So I saw my creatures like this: Often green/brown skin, troll or elf ears, triangles on the coat, fangs, claws, often horns and a long tail.

I invented for them a new way of life, more wild and animal (because in this book, the beings of Méridian live as in the Middle Ages). I was this kind of alien from an alternative world, I also saw myself with a lion or cat tail. My imaginary diet consisted of insects, snakes, fruits and berries.

I saw myself living in a cave or a burrow (or a house like that of the Barbapapas / Teletubbies) and I developed a passion for digging in the ground. Listening to the song “dig a tunnel” (The Lion King 3), watching “The Magic School bus” or reading “My adventure under the ground” (French children's book) giving me real well-being and a feeling of inexplicable complicity with the characters. So, my aliens liked to play in the mud, get dirty, dig, collect insects and molluscs, just like me.

  Our way of life was simple, a bit like Peter Pan's “lost boys”. The group behaviors were mainly animal (body, ear and tail position) and play and behave like animals (in one of my “fictions”, I said that the aliens bit their tails to play) .

Mine wore a simple loincloth, clothes didn't matter (just like for me in "real life".)

I remember a few anecdotes about my aliens: I imagined their daily life before sleeping or whenever I had time.

I don't prefer to go into details. I just remember that I had two imaginary best friends and I visualized them in our world as soon as possible. We had a special treasure, made up of spiders, snakes, insects, bones, feathers and snake molts, something that wicked human villains. My creatures could speak "human" but it was extremely painful for them.

Subsequently, I invented all kinds of stories of humans "not quite human" but these "aliens" were the first.

When I was 9 years old, I started to lock myself up mentally, to live only in my head. I discussed my creatures with my friends, my need to see them, to imagine their suffering as an outlet One of the girls spoke about it - at school - in the canteen, in front of all the students. I was so ashamed that I erased my texts with white corrector before tearing them up and throwing them in the trash (something I bitterly regret today).

Right after entering school, I reconciled with my mental critters and tried to accept them. During an alien-themed drawing assignment, I was shocked to see myself having a bad grade when I had a strong feeling of having shown the "absolute truth".

I also created a fiction about my aliens, to explain on the internet how they exist. Then I was ashamed, I was afraid of mockery, so I erased everything (I'm even more disappointed now).

When I was 12, I experienced the most incredible trip, that of visiting Norway. I saw the troll figurines, the songs, the landscapes and it was a revelation: I was also a troll, from the start! Everything matched: The physical, the way of living, the habitat, the food, the animality ... EVERYTHING! I later had this strong feeling of having an invisible tail and ears that only trolls could also see.

Small comparison between the creature of my 5 years and that with which I identify myself today:

Then, over time, I moved away from the trolls, I developed - badly influenced by "friends" - that I had to be a much more powerful and fierce creature, like a vampire or a werewolf. I was lost, turning sometimes to angels, sometimes to wizards: I was magic and non-human, it was obvious.

Screen capture from one of my blogs in 2011 (in French)

Translation : “I always felt a little different from others but for me all the weird phenomena I was going through were part of me! I thought everyone was like this! Then one day, I realized that what was happening to me was strange. I was a little panicked and asked on the internet if it was okay to act like this. Two people made me understand that no and that I should not worry because after all, I have always been like this and learning who I am will not change anything. For about a month, they didn't explain the basics to me, what to do and what not to do. Then, little by little, I tried to manage on my own, continuing to ask them for advice from time to time.” (2011)

Translation : “I’m a creature of the night, half animal half human “ (2011)

Traduction : "I am very close to nature, the forest is my favorite place. I feel close to plants and animals, maybe even more than human beings, I think. I am more animal than human." (2011)  "I feel different from other humans, I feel more like a 'forest human'. I feel constantly connected with nature and animals. I feel closer to animals (especially wolves and foxes) than men. Sometimes I feel like I can go so far as to lose control: I attack, I bite, I claw. Humans probably see me as a monster. " (2011)

See the movie Twilight played on my animality (I was young, too). And many people tried to convince me that I was an overpowered werewolf ...

Then I discovered the otherkins community in 2012, after very long researches to discover myself, I was disturbed by this resemblance. I then turned to therianthropy and the European badger, abandoning this "troll" side that was also in me ...

So today, I search over and over for ancient writings that would have survived. I'm trying to find bridles from my non-human childhood.

The troll must also be seen as a pillar of my existence. A pillar that, unfortunately, that I absolutely don’t assume ...

[opiomancy]

cumulonimbus ix

Pairings: Draco Malfoy x Harry Potter, Sirius Black x Remus Lupin, Hermione Granger x Ron Weasley

Summary: When asked about how Harry's life got turned upside down he's going to blame a Farrah Fawcett poster, a second magical diary, and Draco Malfoy in that order.

Word Count: 1873

[Part One: Mid Day] Part Two: July 2nd, 1998: Early Morning

It’s well past midnight and Harry is still loitering in Sirius’ old bedroom; the dinner Kreacher placed on the nightstand has been left cold and untouched. Instead of eating like a normal functioning adult, Harry decided to stare at the ceiling. The face of Farrah Fawcett and her red swimsuit still beaming down at him as dusk fell into night. He’s not quite sure why he’s just sitting here… staring at the pearly white smile of the blonde bombshell above him. Maybe if he stares long enough he’ll find some divine intervention on what the hell he’s supposed to be doing. It’s only been a few months since the battle of Hogwarts, and Harry feels as if he’s running out of time. He always feels like he’s running out of time. As if he’s late for something important, or there's a deadline that’s just a few days away, but for once in Harry's life he doesn’t. He has absolutely nothing to do.

“Except clean this bloody house” he says to two dimensional Farah, as if she’ll respond to his complaints. Harry groans, running his calloused hands over his sticky face, dried sweat clogging his pores. The result of hours of grueling labor stains him. It’s something he should be used to by now but isn’t, and probably never will. After staring at the American actress some more he’s come to the conclusion that he’s completely mad. It’s the only explanation really. Why else would he decide cleaning up this mansion, alone, was a good idea? Why did he think breaking up with Ginny was a good idea? Why did he think that when the moonlight hit Farrah’s hair in just the right way it reminded him of...

Yep. Definitely madness. A one way ticket to the Janus Thickey ward if it pleases the court. Harry flipped over on the bed to bury his face in the dusty satin pillow, anything to not stare at the Hollywood starlet again. When Harry thought about it, it makes sense that madness would take him in the end. You don’t survive the killing curse twice without it screwing something up inside. He could see The Daily Prophet headline now: “THE CHOSEN CRAZY ONE!”  

No, Rita would definitely come up with something more clever. “THE BOY WHO WENT OFF HIS ROCKER: THE TELLING TALE OF HARRY POTTER’S QUICK DESCENT TO INSANITY!” That sounds better, more Rita.

Harry supposes he’s had a good run of it all. Nearly eighteen years old, a war hero, wealthy beyond his needs, half a virgin. It’s been a life. Better to be done in by an army of dust bunnies and outdated aristocratic decor than Voldemort. At least now it’s quiet, he can let his mind slowly slip away into the unknown without the stress of his friends and loved ones getting hurt. Maybe he should eat the dinner Kreacher left, at least it’ll be something else to do.

Harry accios his wand that fell to the floor at some point in the evening and heats up his kidney pie. He eats it slowly, trying to forgive its mushy texture and cold bits. He’s never been that good at cooking spells. Harry begins to take inventory of the room as he eats. Sirius’ style in decor was much better than the rest of his family, especially considering it was decades out of fashion. One solid wooden king size sleigh bed that Harry was currently sitting on, with Gryffindor red sheets gently stretched across it. A bookshelf to his left filled to the brim with old Hogwarts textbooks and muggle literature with the covers removed. A large wooden nightstand to his right with a few girlie magazines stuffed inside the drawer, something Harry refused to touch in fear of them being much more solid than magazines ought to be. In front of him was a window that was charmed to display a dense forest at all times, with large thick black curtains that shrouded the room in darkness when closed. On the other side of the room laid a desk with an antique stationary set resting on top, and a yellow record player beside it. The walls were covered with pictures and posters like the marvelous Miss. Fawcett, splattered around with no rhyme or reason, and shelves to display a fantastic classic rock record collection. It looked like a muggle teenage boy’s room, and that’s just how Sirius liked it.

Every part of this room screamed Sirius Orion Black, and that just made Harry miss him that much more. He wished his godfather was here to help him renovate the house, but he knew that would never happen. One thing Harry knew for sure was that he was going to keep this room exactly as it was, a time capsule of Sirius’ youth. Deep down he knew that his godfather would appreciate it, even if he’d never admit it if he was here.

Harry sighed as he placed the half eaten kidney pie on the nightstand, too exhausted to finish it. He laid back down to stare at Farrah some more, he understood why she was so popular in her day. Her smile was bright and beautiful, and people tend to like bright and beautiful things. Harry didn’t see a lot of that in his life, and now he can say he finally has. A bright and beautiful... poster. Yes, undeniably mad.

Harry slammed his fist on the wall behind him with a groan. Stupid Farrah, stupid Hermione, stupid Sirius. He could be doing so much with his life but he’s just sitting here! Harry got up and began to pace around the room. Shouldn’t he be thinking about his future? Shouldn’t he begin thinking about a career? Dating? Getting a life? And why does all of that sound so much more monumental than fighting a facist overlord? He wants to do nothing, but needs to do something. The contradictions of his life were wearing on his psyche and he just... needs. He has this major need deep within himself and he doesn’t know what to do with it all.

Harry could feel his magic begin to overwhelm him, a feeling he hasn’t had since he was eleven and could barely control his magic. Before he knew it books were flying off the shelves and Farrah had fallen off her post. When Harry opened his eyes to see the mess he created he slumped with exhaustion.

“Great more bloody mess” Harry said to himself. He began to levitate the books to their rightful place, making sure they weren’t out of order. He noticed Farrah was lying limply against the wall as if she was as tired as Harry was. Madness . When he went to pick her up Harry saw a loose floorboard at his feet.

“Think there’s something underneath it Farrah?” as per usual, Farrah didn’t respond. Harry levitated her back to the ceiling where she belonged with a sticking charm, and went to work on the floorboard. The corner of the dark wood lifted up at the edge, and squeaked when Harry put pressure on it. After some finagling the board finally gave way. Inside was a large cigar box, an old crown royal bag, and small metal tin. Harry decided to check out the tin first, he blew off the dust and pried the rusty hinges apart. Inside were a pack of matches from a place called The Beaver Dam and some joints. Harry went to smell one of them and it nearly disintegrated in his hands.

“Better off. ‘ Mione would kill me anyway,” he thought to himself. He could almost hear her commanding voice now: “Do you know what drugs could do to your brain Harry? It can affect your memory, your lungs, your libido! Marijuana just makes you okay with being bored and that’s not good for your mental health either!” A walking D.A.R.E program that one. Harry could remember back in sixth year when she caught a couple of Hufflepuffs hotboxing the greenhouse. Hermione went on and on about how it could damage school property, or damage their bodies, or worse get them expelled. Harry himself was too obsessed with watching Malfoy’s name on The Marauder’s Map to listen to her speech. His mates gave him endless flack for it, but he turned out to be right in the end.10 points to Gryffindor.

Harry opened up the crown royal bag next. Inside was an array of seemingly meaningless knick knacks: a mood ring, an old coke bottle cap, an empty carton of clove cigarettes, and a plain brown tie. Harry was curious about why Sirius decided to put in the effort to hide this pile of junk. It all seemed harmless enough, but knowing Sirius each item probably had their unique own story to tell; the sentimental oaf.

The cigar box was the last item hidden away under the floorboard. The box itself wasn’t that magnificent, it was a faded yellow wood with the King Edward Tobacco logo imprinted on the top with the royal crest repeatedly stamped along the borders. When Harry opened the box his stomach plummeted to the floor. Inside this innocuous box was an old leather diary, reminiscent of the one that made his life hell in second year. Harry immediately shut the box and tossed it across the room, begging his heart to stop hammering in his chest.

“It’s just a diary. Not every diary is a trojan horse attempting to kill you. Sirius would never keep a cursed item in his bedroom. Just breathe.” Harry repeated to himself. He found himself staring at Farrah once again, breathing slowly as his heart rate returned to normal. Her once brilliant smile appeared to be mocking him, panicking over a silly little diary,  such a childish thing to do. Harry steeled himself once again, he wasn’t going to let some dusty book get the best of him. He defeated the darkest wizard of the century at seventeen. Dust bunnies were one thing, but a dumb diary? Harry refused to be bested by this nonsense. He stood up from his fetal position on the floor, puffed up his chest, and stalked towards the worn tobacco box.

“Nothing to worry about, just an old diary” Harry said as he opened up the box, pretending that his hands weren’t shaking as he did. As he held the well loved leather diary in his hands, Harry questioned whether or not he should open it. This could easily be Sirius’ diary, and that would be a major invasion of privacy. Downright disrespectful. What kind of godson would he be if he just nosied his way through all of Sirius’ belongings? Nothing cowardly about respecting boundaries.

“Scared Potter?”

Harry flinched as a certain blonde haired git’s voice buzzed in his head. He was not scared. He could read this diary if he chose to. No problem with it all. In fact he was going to sit down and read the entirety of this diary… tomorrow.

Harry hastily placed the diary on the nightstand and fled out of the bedroom towards his own. He was in desperate need of sleep if he was hearing that voice in his head.

[priorireverte]

Congratulations Ash!

Your application for Harry Potter has been accepted. I think we’re all really excited to have such a central, pivotal character in plan. Not just me in my entirely biased excitement for Lily to have her son around. Make sure to let us know if/when you settle on a faceclaim for him.

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Ash & She/her

TIMEZONE: est

ACTIVITY LEVEL: On average, I tend to get online every other day to get through my replies. Although weekends I’ll usually be on daily.

ANYTHING ELSE: Experience - I have been in the Harry Potter rp community for almost ten years now, and have been doing so on Tumblr for about six.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Harry James Potter

BIRTHDATE: 31 July ,1980 Zodiac - Leo. Starting with the obvious, let’s put the Leo in Gryffindor, I see what you did  there sorting hat. Harry spent his entire life from the young age of eleven, thrown into the spotlight. Others were interested in him for things outside of his control as long as he could remember, but he’s embraced that attention and put it to good use. He is very compassionate and caring, going out of his way to help others around him. His pride can get in the way at times, and tied with the ability to hold a grudge Harry has a sense of there’s my way and the wrong way.  Respect from those he most admires is vital to him. He had spent days obsessing over why Dumbledore hadn’t shared their similarities with him, and has never felt a sense of pride as strong as when McGonagall stood up for him to Umbridge. Harry is a leader, the type of person everyone around him looks towards for the answers to their largest problems.

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Gender and pronouns do not have much meaning to Harry, even though he had grown up with his entire identity being centered around his title as ‘Boy Who Lived’. He has never necessarily felt a connection to this title, but has not thought about it anyplace outside of logistically knowing when someone shouts for ‘the boy’ that can mean him. Harry’s Bisexuality however, is something he has been learning to embrace after years of confusion. His Uncle Vernon of course had a few select words for people who liked the same gender, but outside of pushing away the nerves in his stomach whenever he had to listen to his relatives derogatory language he had not realized that being attracted to multiple genders was an option. Harry has has dated during his teen years; He went on dates to the Yule Ball and Hogsmede, as well as his former relationship with Ginny, but he always felt slightly behind his peers in terms of sexuality and maturation. He assumes it was the fact that he spent so much time feeling unsafe and afraid that he didn’t have the time to explore those feelings, but there was also so many things he simply didn’t know that he is only just learning now in the start of his twenties. BLOOD STATUS: Halfblood. Harry’s status as a halfblood may have been the deciding factor in the course of his entire young life if Dumbeldore’s theories were to be correct, and they usually were. Harry and Tom Riddle shared this trait, both half-blooded wizards and in the end it seemed to have been a deciding factor in Riddle’s choice to mark Harry as the chosen one to become his own equal. However another similarity they share is how out of place they had felt in the muggle world and the strong sense of home the Hogwarts walls had provided both. Harry has no prejudice against those of muggle blood, one of his best friends is muggleborn thank you very much, but he has no connection to the muggles who raised him and were supposed to have been his family.

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor - While he strongly believes it was begging that landed him in red and gold, Harry is very much a Gryffindor. Being brave doesn’t mean never being scared, it’s what you do when faced with fear and Harry has stood up to nearly every terrifying challenge sent his way. He needed that house, as much as he also fit in. Harry grew up the one who was going to end a war, being surrounded by other brave, chivalrous people helped him greatly obtain his own confidence to do what he needed.

OCCUPATION: Harry Potter’s refusal to join the Auror Department sparked quite the buzz once he had finally made the announcement, and the decision had absolutely been one he had not taken lightly in the slightest, but at the end of the day Harry’s fear and distrust in the Ministry won out over his need to constantly swoop in and save the day. That doesn’t mean he hadn’t helped with the effort, he spent the first year out after the war off to help with trials and giving the right information to people who needed it, but after years of being branded a liar he simply couldn’t bring himself to work for the same Ministry who endangered lives by refusing to see what was right in front of them. Instead Harry went home, to the one place that he had always felt he belonged and once again did the impossible. Harry Potter has been the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts for two whole years.

FACECLAIM: tbd

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

While he had not been given the instructions to die at the hands of Voldemort until he had been seventeen and only moments away from walking towards his own murder, after seven years of nothing but waiting for the next fight a part of Harry had assumed from a young age one of them was going to have to ultimately kill the other in the end. The lead up to a final showdown at the end of each school year had been convenient, and while he refused to accept the thought, likely planned out to go that way by a certain headmaster, but it couldn’t have continued on forever. So Harry had never allowed himself to think of a life after the fall of Voldemort, or of happiness and family and one day growing old. He was nothing more than a soldier, a child so deprived of affection he put everything he had into fighting back for the approval of his Professor and put little value on his life outside of being the Chosen One, so the first year following the war was especially hard. From the second he had entered the magical world he had been ‘The Boy Who Lived’. Since the age of eleven years old he had been expected to fight the dark wizards and save the day and he did not know how to be anything else. Harry couldn’t see his value outside of his willingness to jump to the occasion and solve problems. After the war his life’s purpose felt complete at only seventeen years old and it was extremely difficult to accept.

But then the Ministry expected him to be the poster boy for everything they had been doing towards the cleanup process- sending owls on a near daily basis asking Harry to sit on death eater trials or begging him to speak out in favor of the Ministry and their new laws. Just how much of himself Harry was willing to give had been one of the most difficult choices he ever had to make. Fighting injustice was all Harry knew. The Death Eaters had done horrendous things and even after the fall of Voldemort Harry felt a responsibility to ensure they were taken down, however Harry’s trust in the Ministry had been greatly punctured over the years he had been in the magical world, even before the Death Eaters had taken over. It was a delicate balance, and the power his word suddenly held brought a level of anxiety he was unfamiliar with, but he knew that there were too many people who would never see justice without his intervention.

His involvement in the war had only increased his fame and suddenty the Ministry of Magic and every paper in wizarding Britain were harassing him once again. Harry’s friends had been encouraging him to step back and take the time to recover; live a normal, quiet life, whatever that meant. He had never even gotten the time to properly grieve over Sirius’s death, let alone the countless other people he had lost since then who had died in his mind, because of him. He didn’t know how to step back and live a normal life, but he had craved it as long as he could remember so Harry put his everything into attempting. It took a year to realize that Harry that he would never feel that pain in his scar again, that even if he had never wanted it there to begin with an entire piece of someone’s soul he had been living with since he was a year old was gone forever and his only purpose in life had been completed before he ever had a chance to finish his NEWTs.

So He pulled back, isolated himself for a while in a way he wasn’t proud of, but didn’t know how to cope without. Going to anyone but Ron and Hermione with his problems had always seemed incomprehensible, and even then it was always easier to tell them about whatever crazy thing was happening to him at the time than discuss the feelings behind everything he had been through. He busied himself with mindless projects, spending all of his time hiding out from his friends by putting all his energy into restoring 12 Grimmauld Place. The house was now his and he didn’t want to leave the reminder of how horrible his godfather’s own childhood had been. It was the baby Teddy Lupin that was the only one who could get Harry’s undivided attention and compassion for a short while during the beginning of life after the war. He told himself it was so easy to share such raw emotion with the little boy because at first he couldn’t even understand what Harry had been saying, but Harry had felt a strong bond to the boy the second he learned of his godson’s birth. He hadn’t taken over raising Teddy, he was too young and unsure, Andromeda was the right choice as Teddy’s guardian, but Harry made a point to be a large part in his upbringing.   He refused to allow him to grow up as lonely and afraid as he had been himself, and Harry felt a personal responsibility to make sure Remus and Tonk’s sacrifices of their lives weren’t for nothing and Teddy would grow up loved and in a world better than any of them grew up in.

Turning down a position in the Auror Program had surprised himself more than it had seemed to any of the people who knew him best, which had only confused him more. His dream job since he had been only fourteen had never truly been a dream, but a logical choice for someone whose entire life revolved around being manipulated into fighting. He had truly believed he would never get past his back and forth with Voldemort, and the auror office only fit the narrative. Even knowing these things didn’t make knowing he was going to be letting people down any easier and he nearly said yes solely out of fear of saying no.

His time back in the castle has been everything he never thought he would be allowed to have and Harry is taking full advantage of that fact. Teaching is something Harry had felt so strongly about in the short time he was doing so with the DA, and in the proper setting where he had the ability to ensure this next generation was not going to have to ever fear their time in the castle was the calling he never knew about.

—

All the lives lost during the war was something that sat in Harry’s thought even still, more than anything else. He never knew anything but loss, but the grief he felt the past few years was different. He hadn’t been grieving the loved ones he never had, instead the people he loved and cherished who were torn away from him too soon. Watching the Weasleys without Fred had to have been the hardest part of anything after the war’s end. He had envied Ron’s family for so long, now all he wanted was to take the hurt away from the people who he grew to call his family that were now going through this pain he knew too well.

As hopeful as the returned made Harry, it all scared him as well. He knew what happened when wixen played around with death, and even more so he knew just how dark the magic around it could be. But he also doesn’t want to feel the pain again of getting his hopes up to have family by his side to have it ripped away. He doesn’t trust it to last. 

PERSONALITY

“There’s no need to call me Sir, Professor.”

Harry for some reason unknown to me, has started to be perceived to be this hypsteresque, bad-ass. A smoker, rogue auror who doesn’t play by the rules. Harry Potter is a sassy and sarcastic. But also a quidditch obsessed nerd who loves his friends with everything he has and stands up for what he believes in. He has that stereotypical Gryffindor temper, and does not always think about the consequences of his sharp tongue, but he has never been one to allow people to walk over him or anyone else. He was a victim of abuse and neglect and his words, that wit was the one thing he had to cope as a child treated like nothing more than an unwanted freak. But Harry is also the person who told Snape his nickname was Roonil Waslib. He’d spend hours on end talking to his bird and one of the first moments of the entire series he is empathizing with a snake who had been trapped and never knew their family. His friends are everything to him and Harry’s loyalty can be seen almost as a fault. There is no difference between his friends and family, and to betray or mistrust them is one of the worst things he can imagine of himself.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

Harry’s memories of life before Privet Drive do not consist of anything more than flashes of colors and the occasional face. Perhaps a voice he wasn’t able to place. Family has always been Harry’s greatest desire, the things he wanted most in the world. The Durleys had been Harry’s closest living relatives, but made it clear they were not Harry’s family. His aunt and uncle made sure to remind him constantly that Harry was nothing more than an inconvenience in their home, and that he would never be as loved or cherished as their son. The idea of family was nothing more than that for a very long time; an idea and a dream. At thirteen the possibility of family had been dangled over his head in the form of a fugitive Godfather. Harry’s time with Sirius was too short, they should have had years together to make up for the twelve apart and it was after his death that Harry felt ready to give up on the idea of ever having a real family of his own. Of course that makes him feel selfish. Ron and Hermione every bit as much his family as any last name or title could make them. Harry could argue they were more family to him than Sirius and him ever had the chance to be. And the night Mrs. Weasley had called Harry ‘as good as’ another son still plays in his mind on a loop some nights when he’s looking for a reason it’s all worth it. Harry’s family isn’t blood, but he loves them all just the same. That doesn’t change the fact that he’s thought this return could mean him getting the only thing he’s ever truly wanted.

HISTORY

Harry really does wonder at times what it would be like to have an easy life. He had only been a baby when the weight of a war was thrown onto his tiny shoulders, marking him the one chosen to defeat the greatest dark wizard of their time. As a small child however, Harry would never have believed it. He had known nothing more than he was an orphan, living in cruel circumstances under the stairs in his aunt and uncle’s home and getting bullied by his cousin. It wasn’t until Harry’s eleventh birthday that his life truly began. When Hagrid had stormed down that hut to tell Harry about the truth of himself and his past, Harry felt a sense of self for the first time in his life. He had gone off to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry and made friendships for the first time in his life. Even before the rest of the world had been sucked into another war, Harry had been drawn in from a mixture of a hero complex and clues laid out only slightly too conveniently to test and discover the boy who lived that would one day become the chosen one. Harry fought back every year, somehow always granted a new challenge and more pain until his fourth year when it had become more than a challenge that any reasonable adult would consider too dangerous.

Cedric Diggory’s murder had sparked the beginning of the war, but the greater meaning to Harry lied in the young boy who lost his life solely because he had been in the wrost place at the wrong time. He had gotten between Harry and for that reason alone he was dead. It was something Harry never learned to forgive. And it sparked the belief that people around Harry somehow always ended up dying because of him.

Sirius’s death left Harry inconsolable. He never had the proper time to grieve, with a target on his back and the war picking up quickly, but losing the one family member he had left destroyed Harry in a completely different way. And again, Harry came to the conclusion if he had only checked in the mirror Sirius could have still been alive.

The hunt for horcruxes was something else entirely. He had no connection to anyone outside of Ron and Hermione and when Ron had left it broke Harry’s heart in an entirely different way. He kept waiting for the ball to drop and one of his best friends to get hurt because of him. He clung closer, forgave quicker, and fought harder trying to keep anyone else he loved from dying.

Remus and Tonks’ deaths held a significance just as strong but different for Harry. He was a Godfather and when Remus had named him so it had become the new most important thing about him. Being the Chosen One, or the Boy Who Lived didn’t matter when there was a little boy who depended on him to stay alive and watch out for him.

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

This group is every guilty pleasure I have ever had mixed in with a wonderful plot and beautiful writing. Even though recently role plays set in the trio’s era are few and far between, the ones I have been a part of always seem to either lack writers willing to write for Harry or his character is quickly taken by someone who does not know the story beyond either solely the movie franchise or random bits of knowledge. I’ve noticed a stigma in the Potter fandom, especially the role playing community, that the ‘true fans’ have to prefer secondary or background characters. While I also love building on characters we do not see as much of in the books, it has always saddened me that this character that I grew up with is seen as the easy write up. Because we as readers have so much on Harry I’ve actually found his character more difficult to write for, but equally enjoyable.

As per Harry as an actual character, he has been like a friend since I was seven years old.

[sunlit-pages]

My Favourite Books

Hello, Internet!

As this is my first post, I figured I should introduce you to some of my all time favourite books.

1. Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler

I know that this may be a controversial choice as many people hate this book, but I love it. I think I read it at just the right age, during my mid-teens when everything Min was going through was painfully relatable. This story is told as a breakup letter addressed to the main love interest, each chapter based around a seemingly random object. The illustrations were adorable and the writing is, as always with Daniel Handler, beautiful.

2. Beartown by Fredrik Backman

Honestly, I can’t even put into words how heartbreaking this story is. I went into it knowing nothing about the story and I think that was part of the reason it affected me so much. It hit everything I love in a book: strong female characters, wintery settings, communities coming together. It was amazing and that scene at the end had me thinking about it for days afterwards.

3. Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynn Jones

Okay, time for a more light-hearted book now. Howl’s moving castle is easily one of the most heartwarming books I’ve ever read. If you think you know what this book is about because you watched the Ghibli movie, prepare to be shocked because the book is completely different. For one thing, Howl is an entirely self-absorbed Welsh rugby lad and Sophie is 100% done with him the whole time. She’s not the bland pushover she is in the movie. Book Sophie has personality and she’s a total grump. It’s hilarious and has one of the most connected plots of all time. Please read this book.

4. The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer

Okay, technically this is a series, but it totally deserves a place on this list. My favourite one of the four books is Cress, though whether that’s because it’s actually the best book or whether I just love Tangled is up for debate. You can’t help but hope every couple ends up with each other and it’s got romance without love triangles?! Is it possible?! Even beyond the couples, the plot is compelling and takes a new spin on the familiar fairytales that they’re based on.

5. Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

Honestly, I love nearly every book Terry Pratchett has ever written, but Going Postal is an absolute gem and I feel like it is hideously underrated in the book community. Every line had me in stitches. I can’t count the number of times I’ve read this book, and yet I still find myself laughing out loud every time I read it. It follows the story of Moist Von Lipwig (I know, stay with me), an ex-conman, who must restore the city post office to it’s former glory while contending against the modern Clacks.

6. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Anyone who knows me probably already knows about my undying obsession with Jane Austen’s books. My favourite changes on a daily basis. But I have to pick Pride and Prejudice as my favourite for being the first of Austen’s works that I read. It’s way funnier than it has any right to me, while also managing to be adorable and critical of the society it was written for. While Elizabeth herself is amazing, it’s really her sisters that make me put this as my favourite. Please, please read this, even if you don’t usually read classics give this one a try.

7. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

THIS BOOK. THIS GORGEOUS BOOK. Ugh. Please go out and read this book because you will not be disappointed. Told from the perspective of a death fascinated with life, this book follows Liesel, a young girl, through her experiences in Germany during the Second World War. The writing? Beautiful. The characters? Love them. Feelings? Crushed. Years later I still love this book.

8. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

Okay. So. Confession time. I don’t actually like Harry Potter. I know, please don’t scream at me. I just couldn’t get past the fourth book. That being said, I adored Carry On. Carry On is kind of a Drarry fanfic if it was completely not that at all. Look, read it and it makes sense. The magic system was so interesting and different to anything else I’ve read. The characters all have their flaws and you can’t help but love them all the more for it. Also, there are goats. I seriously love this book.

9. Paper Towns by John Green

Paper towns is my favourite John Green book, if only for the wild cross-country car trip. After a night of adventure, Q’s mysterious neighbour, Margot, goes missing. Q’s determined to track her down, resulting in him forming a ragtag Mystery Gang of his and Margot’s friends. It’s cute and touching and I highly recommend it.

Well, that’s it. Some of my favourite books. What would you like to hear about next?

Happy Reading :)

[eyessharpweaponshot]

I really enjoy your fics and the fic recs you’ve done in the past, but with all the new ones for Big Bang and bingo I really don’t know where to start! Any pointers?

Hi nonny.

Wow, tough question. Bellarke Big Bang had so many wonderful fics submitted for its challenge (some that are still on my ‘marked to read’ section on ao3) and mine and @pawprinterfanfic challenge (Bellarke Bingo) has submissions almost daily so again, I haven’t gotten around to reading them all yet.

But I will try to form a fic rec for you based on the ones I have read. I’ll add the links, pop in the summary and then give a brief commentary (in italics) of what I thought/why the fic needed to be included in this rec list.

We’ll start with @bellarkebigbang:

1. Paint me in Trust by @pawprinterfanfic

Clarke is on the run. It’s 1997 in Britain, during the height of the Second Wizarding War. Voldemort is running rampage through the Wizarding World, fear is weighing heavily on everyone, and anyone who doesn’t side with the Dark Lord is in danger. Clarke was expected to side with him. She’s from a pureblood family that has decades tangled with the Dark Arts, after all. But, she didn’t.

So, she ran. Somehow, she finds her way to a safe house where she meets with other wizards and witches on the run.

All Bellamy wanted to do is to keep his sister safe. Instead of saving her, he’s stuck in a safe house with her. She’s a Slytherin, and she’s the daughter of a Death Eater. He doesn’t trust Clarke; why should he? Now, he’s stuck with her as they roam around the country, looking for places to stay safe and stay hidden. He quickly realizes that things could be worse. And… maybe Clarke isn’t as bad as he thought.

A Harry Potter world AU, written by my magnificent friend Essie. I’m not just putting this here because she’s my friend, this fic is actual gold. It’s so well written, like everything she writes, and I cannot get enough of it. Brilliance.

2. We were in love (now we’re strangers) by @raven-reyes-of-sunshine

Bellamy stares at his phone in concern. Asking him to fake date Clarke would be a weird thing to ask even if they were still friends. But they’re not. They hardly even talk anymore. But for Raven to be asking, practically begging, there must be a fairly good reason that Clarke needs a fake boyfriend for this wedding. It’s just not something she would be asking otherwise. Especially not something she would be getting Raven to ask him. It’s a lot and it has him concerned.

He’s not agreeing to it. He’s just saying that he’s going to need more time and more information and maybe a face to face conversation before he makes a decision. He and Clarke might not be friends anymore. But he’d known her forever. He can’t help caring. He cares with his whole heart. He can’t stop that. And he won’t lie. He’s a little curious. So he sends Raven a message that says they’ll discuss it when she’s sober and switches off his phone so he can sleep.

This girl was born with heaps of talent. I actually got the opportunity to pre-read a little bit of this fic before it was posted and it was agony waiting for the rest of it. It grips you from the opening line and I can’t sell this fic enough. READ IT.

3. Take Me to Your River (A Waltz in Three Parts) by @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky

After the events on the Ground, Clarke and Bellamy no longer feel like the team they once were. They’re puzzle pieces that don’t fit, languages with no connection, and worlds with no peace. So when they venture out into the new planet to scout before waking everyone up, they have an opportunity to relearn who they are after all the time apart, discovering the people they’ve become.

Except when they stumble across an abandoned mansion in the woods from a distant piano, they discover this world has hidden traps that Earth never had. Now they’ll have to survive their own ghosts. Except what will they do when the real ghosts are each other?

The Day Trip 2.0 fic no one asked for.

I adored this fic from beginning to end. It had to be part of my rec list because it’s one fic that stands out in my head when I think of this challenge. And I also love the girl who wrote it too - such a sweetheart.

4. In A Pitch Black World (Anything Goes) by @talistheintrovert

Bellamy and Clarke fell in love in Cairo in 1943, and then Clarke broke his heart. In 1949, Bellamy is working as a Private Investigator in London when Clarke turns up on his doorstep claiming her grandfather was murdered. No-one is above suspicion and the killer is poised to strike again.Or, the Crooked House AU that I’ve been *dying* to write for months.

Is it really a fic rec if Talis isn’t apart of it? The artwork of this fic combined with the story is so so beautiful and I always remember it. It’s such a gripping plot and I’d re-read this until I die. Yeah, this has to make the cut!

5. A Watch With No Hands by @kinetic-elaboration

Bellamy has lived his whole life in space, in a series of 300-year old space stations known as the Ark. When an oxygen crisis sends the stations down to Earth, he flees the beginning of a military dictatorship, and discovers that his long-abandoned home planet isn’t as deserted as he believed it to be.

Clarke lives in peace with her people, making art that celebrates the beauty of the Earth. But a recent discovery by her best friend has opened up the possibility that the world was not always this peaceful, nor this beautiful. Wells’s subsequent disappearance, the surreptitious experiments of her neighbors, and the inscrutable silence of the village’s leader, all contribute to a growing sense of unease in her community. When she encounters a stranger in the woods, they give each other the answers they’ve each been seeking: about history, peace, trust, the Earth’s violent past, and its hopeful future.

This was one of the most intriguing and unique storylines that I read in the Big Bang challenge. The way everything was described, the detail - ugh, it’s just a masterpiece. I wonder why I bother writing when I read fics like this one, how could I compare?

6. Hung up on You by @eyessharpweaponshot

Bellamy Blake does not get hung up on girls. It just doesn’t happen. It’s probably why he’s out of his depth when his easy ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement with Clarke Griffin turns into something he can’t control. He’s heartbroken when she leaves town, leaves him, and he thinks he’s made a good effort to move on. However, upon her return, it only takes the mere mention of her name for the crushing realisation to hit: he never got over her at all.

I’m gonna plug my own fic submission to Big Bang here guys. Because, well, why not?

***

Okay. Onto @bellarkebingo. This challenge is obviously close to my heart as myself and Essie are hosting it and I will eventually get around to all the fics on there.

I, myself, haven’t even had time to complete anything off of my own bingo card yet but I’m so excited to do it. The talent that has come out of this challenge already is off the chain and sign ups are always open, so come on over and request a card to start writing.

Here are some of the fics I have been loving so far:

1. Melt Into You by @icantloseyou-too

Clarke might have underestimated the blizzard. What was supposed to be a late finish at the clinic to catch up on paperwork turns into a storm-stayed night with the last person she would have expected, but as she’s about to find out, a lot can happen in one night.

Wow guys, just wow. What people are doing with the tropes on their cards - I can’t deal. I have no fingernails left after this fic - I was hooked, obsessed, invested, heartbroken, intrigued and outrageously happy. I love this girl to death and she created thee most magnificent piece for bellarke bingo. Bravo!

2. guess it’s never really over by @captaindaddykru

“You want me to put a kitchen supply up my—”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he interjects, shoulders shaking with a chuckle. It fades and a heavy feeling of resignation settles between them. “Imagine how many diapers we could buy with that kind of money.”

Clarke crosses her arms over her chest, almost petulant. She knows he hates it when she gives him an attitude for no reason. “Well, what do you expect we do?” Does he wanna blow it off? He never used to be a quitter. She lets out almost this nervous chuckle, tongue darting out to wet her lips as she thinks of the most ridiculous option of them all. “The old-fashioned way?”

He half-shrugs, cool expression on his face. Still, she knows him too well to not realize he’s being completely serious. “It worked out pretty well for us last time.”

Or: Clarke and Bellamy think it’s a good idea to try and have another child together even though they divorced three years ago.

Right, for those of you who know me well, seeing ‘exes, angst and smut’ in a bellarke fic just basically shoots the fic into my favourites/will read again pile straight away. This fic more than lived up to it. The plot was awesome and something I’ve never read before and even just describing it makes me want to go back and read it again right now. Amazing.

3. dance away your fear of love by @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold

Life for Bellamy Blake hasn’t changed much in the past few years, not since his mother’s death and he took over her coffee shop in his hometown of Stars Hollow. That is until he receives a phone call from his ex, his high school girlfriend Clarke Griffin. Motherhood brings Clarke back home and from there they slip into new roles, while he battles old forgotten emotions.

This was everything I never knew I needed. The characterisation, the plot, the FEELS. This had to be on the rec list, there was no way I’d consider leaving it off of it. It was honestly perfect, from every angle. Not to mention that the author is a complete and utter babe.

4. to save a life I didn’t have by @kombellarke

Post 6.08 Speculation. Bellamy drags Josephine through the woods in search of Gabriel. He is confronted by a manifestation of his darkest fear and deepest desire, Clarke Griffin.

I have read other fics from this author and honestly, she just gets better and better each time she writes. Such an amazing, heart wrenching fic. It was one of the first submissions I read and it brought the biggest smile to my face to see such talented fics coming to our challenge.

5. Would Roses Bloom by @icantloseyou-too

Clarke was totally fine with being ‘just friends’ with Bellamy, honestly. Even on the nights they kissed they were just friends. Even on the nights they fell into each other’s beds they were just friends. So when Bellamy starts dating Echo it shouldn’t sting at all. It shouldn’t.

Another fic submission by this girl and honestly, I can’t tell you which one I like better. They are both phenomenal but this fic stands out majorly to me. I can relate to it on a personal level and reading it makes me feel like I’m actually living in the plot. My heart races and I feel the shame, the worry, the pain - EVERYTHING.

6. Sick of Losing Soulmates by @pawprinterfanfic

Clarke and Bellamy talk after the events at Gabriel’s. After almost losing her again, Bellamy intends to not let emotions go unspoken.

I don’t think Essie has wrote a fic yet where I haven’t shed a tear over it. This was incredibly beautiful and so well written. I’m so lucky to know such inspirational, incredible writers.

7. hanging all her hopes on the stars by @carrieeve

a month ago, Bellamy and Clarke slept together. a one-time, drunken thing and now they are very much not talking about it. in fact, they are not really talking about anything because Clarke is sure Bellamy doesn’t want it to mean anything and since she’s been in love with him for years now, this all feels pretty much like the world is ending.

the world, not one to be outdone, decides to show off and actually ends.

I just read this fic this morning and I couldn’t leave it off the rec list. It was so good, so interesting and a great concoction of tropes off of her bingo card. I’m very fond of Karolina’s fics and this did not let me down. So good and a perfect fic to end the fic rec with.

[onlytaylor]

Draco Malfoy Was Almost a Gryffindor

Tw: Suicidal Thoughts

When he was rejected by Potter on the train, he was hurt. Baffled. Lost. His father had always told him to stay in good standing with those who held power, and, wow, if he hadn’t already fucked that up.

When the sorting hat touched his head, a thousand thoughts were buzzing through Draco’s mind. His father wanted him to carry on the family tradition of being a true Slytherin. The house of blood supremacy. The house of power. He’d never really understood why, but he knew that his father must be right. His father was his hero, when had he ever been wrong?

When the Hat suggested he’d do great things in Gryffindor, Draco panicked. He couldn’t- wouldn’t- be a lion. Not when he was born into a family of snakes. He begged the hat for stripes of green and silver. And- after what appeared from the outside to be a quick decision- he was sorted so. With a sigh of relief, he headed toward his side of the Great Hall. His father would be proud.

When Potter was sorted into Gryffindor, something in Draco’s heart sunk. He’d almost been sorted with him. Why did it bother him that they were now constituted rivals? He swallowed his thoughts and focused on upholding the family name.

&&&

By third year, Draco’s distaste for Potter and his friends had grown to jealousy. If Harry Potter wanted nothing to do with him, that was fine. But why did the rest of the world love him so much? His own father seemed to pay Potter more attention than himself. His longing revealed itself through hate.

&&&

When Potter was picked for the Triwizard Tournament, his first emotion was fear. He’d hated Potter, sure, but he didn’t want him to die. And a fourteen year old in a completion like that was bound to end bloody.

Rumors began flying that Potter had somehow tricked the Goblet into allowing him to enter. Draco knew it was a lie. He may have disliked Potter but he knew him better than that. The boy would’ve never blatantly gone against Dumbledore’s orders.

But he couldn’t tell Potter he believed him, not when they’d built up such a rivalry thus far. Malfoy’s were built on pride, and not even Saint Potter was worth his dignity.

So, instead, he crafted Potter Stinks badges and handed them to the entire school. He knew he was being an arse, but he couldn’t stop himself. His obsession was far too deep.

And then Weasley of all people admitted that he didn’t believe his own best friend, and Draco was fuming at the betrayal. Because he wouldn’t never done that to him. He would’ve been loyal through and through, from the second he took his hand on the train.

But that’s not what happened. And Weasley still won. And would always win. With his happy family, and his hand-me-down robes... why was he suddenly jealous of the Weasel?

He wouldn’t ever mention that to anyone. Never.

&&&

When Umbridge took reign of Hogwarts, Draco had a rather lengthy speech given to him by his father about how “impressions are everything.” He was instructed to remain on her good side, regardless of the price.

This was the same year that Lucius Malfoy revealed his loyalty to The Dark Lord to his son. Draco, to put it simply, was terrified. He’d known his father’s values from the get go, was fully aware of his feelings on muggle-borns. Which is why he couldn’t figure out why the news had floored him to the point of tears, alone in his bedroom that night.

He didn’t want to follow the Dark Lord. He didn’t want to be a pawn in someone else’s game. He wanted to make his own decisions, and yet... that had already been stolen from him.

He knew that Potter wasn’t lying about the Dark Lord’s return, but he kept his mouth shut while the press beraded him. Even his own house mates turned their back on him; it was disgusting. Second rate friendships at best. Draco would’ve never... he couldn’t finish the thought.

The truth was, he’d always wanted Potter. There was no denying it. And now, with his only option to follow in his father’s footsteps... he’d never have him. There was no choice.

Draco cried himself to sleep that night.

&&&

Sixth year was no better.

Now the whole world believed what Draco had known from the start: that Potter wasn’t lying.

Voldemort’s return was widespread. The ministry was under fire. And Draco was forced into a role that he’d never asked for.

“You are going to kill Albus Dumbledore.” Voldemort had spoken the words himself, in the foyer of Malfoy manor. He was repulsed by the snake-like manner of his body; the red of his eyes was horrifying. Draco wanted no part of this.

And yet, his life depended on it.

He hated Potter that year. Hated him because in being the Chosen One, he had help. He had an entire Order of people protecting him. He never had to be alone.

Draco, meanwhile, was drowning. He hated his life. He hated the pressure of being the Dark Lord’s own personal Chosen One. And the worst part was that nobody knew. None of his housemates knew he hated himself. He harbored the secrets of suicidal thoughts daily. He wanted nothing more than to win- to rebel against all he’d been chosen for. To let Dumbledore live. To be his own person. To make a stand.

What better way to do that than to end it all? He contemplated this on several occasions, ready to Avada Kedavra himself into oblivion. Something kept him from doing so, however. A small voice, his conscience, perhaps the portion of him that almost made it to Gryffindor - kept stopping him. Because an energy that resonated deep within his being wanted to see Voldemort fall. He wanted to watch Harry defeat him. He wanted to... to help.

He made up his mind that day. From then on, he’d be nobody’s pawn. He was going to prosper, and not even the Dark Lord would stop him.

That was the year he faked his attempts to kill Dumbledore. That was the year he held his wand to the man, playing the role astutely. He never had any intention of ending his life, and it showed. It was all a part of Draco’s plan.

What came as a surprise to him was his Godfather’s undoing. When Snape killed the Headmaster, Draco was in shock. Instead of standing his ground, he followed.

He watched as the Death Eaters infiltrated the castle, hated himself as they set that poor Oaf’s hut on fire. This was bad. This was horrible. For a moment, he feared there was no escape.

&&&

He didn’t return to Hogwarts for seventh year. Instead, he lived in the Manor with a monster. He spent his moments plotting his revenge, waiting meticulously for the right moment to play his piece.

And then, a miracle happened.

Potter came to the manor, dragged by Greyback and some others. His face was distorted, no doubt the work of some type of spell. He may have fooled the others, but Draco knew Harry. Every detail. The curve of his jawline, the shape of his forehead, the way his brows set above his now swollen eyes.

“Well, Draco? Is it Harry Potter?” Yes, he thought. It is Potter. And Potter looks horrible. He needs my help. Why haven’t I been helping him?

He gazed into those eyes, the same shade of emerald they’d always been. And in that moment, he knew he’d found what he’d been waiting for.

“I-I can’t be sure,” he stated, but a slight smirk was tugging at his lips. Potter tilted his head, confused. He knew that Draco had figured out his identity, but he didn’t dare say a word.

Draco winked, subtly, but he knew that Harry had seen it.

When Bellatrix showed an interest in Hermione, he volunteered to drag the traitors to the dungeons.

After receiving an earful from Weasley, they made it to the depths of Malfoy Manor. Where no one could hear the poor souls being tortured, let alone a conversation.

“I’m going to get you all out of here,” he’d said as he released Ollivander and Lovegood from the cell. “Even Hermione.”

“Since when do you care about Hermione? We can’t trust you!” Ron yelled, but Harry put a hand up to silence him.

“He’s not lying, Ron.”

Had Draco been that transparent all along? Or was it only obvious... to Harry?

They formulated the plan for their escape, ambushed the Death Eaters in the living room. Saved Hermione from her own screams, inflicted by the Cruciatus curse. They battled skillfully, and Harry never left Draco’s side.

The expression on Lucius Malfoy’s face was both shocked and disgusted.

“Somebody call the Dark Lord!” He demanded. “My son is a traitor!”

But at that moment, Dobby intervened. Draco had always loved Dobby, though he wasn’t supposed to. (“House elves are not pets, Draco. Only servants.”) it was nice to see a friendly face arriving in the nick of time, and Draco wasn’t sure where they were apparating to, but he held tight to Potter for good measure.

&&&

When Harry had to go to the Forest, Draco was beside himself. This being, this person who had suddenly meant so much to him was about to be gone forever.

Harry had become a symbol, a beacon for Draco that represented everything he stood for. Everything his father had almost stolen from him.

He pulled him into an embrace, tears coating dusty cheeks.

“I’m sorry things weren’t better between us sooner,” Harry admitted, his own tears running subtly down his face.

“Me, too, Harry. Me too.”

He wished he could’ve gone back. He wished he could’ve begged the sorting hat for Gryffindor. He wished he could’ve spent the past seven years with Potter.

He wished he didn’t have to watch him leave.

And then, he was out of sight, and Draco returned to battle.

&&&

When Harry Potter broke free from Hagrid’s arms, a lifeless creature beaming with sudden veracity, Draco choked. Quite literally.

But before he could react any further, he was already tossing his wand to the boy. “Potter! Here!” He called, and Harry caught it mid-air with a beaming grin.

All at once, chaos ensued. Death Eaters we’re running because Harry Potter was once more the Boy Who Lived. Voldemort was chasing him. And Draco was suddenly giddy and featherlight with determination.

&&&

When Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord, Draco was the first to pull him into an embrace. “You’re back,” he cried, and Harry held onto him tighter.

“Your mother saved me.” The words were a whisper, and Draco felt his stomach lurch. His mother. Narcissa Malfoy still loved her son, even after his betrayal. In that moment, he felt nothing else could go right in the world.

&&&

After the war, Lucius Malfoy was imprisoned. Draco was granted a reprieve, thanks to an honest testimony from Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

“He saved us,” they stated, and he never thought he’d hear the words “Thank Merlin Malfoy was there” Come from Ron Weasley’s mouth.

Wordlessly, Harry and Draco had become inseparable. It was understood that he wouldn’t want to go back to Malfoy Manor and somehow Grimmauld Place had become more like home anyway. His mother visited often, bringing sweet treats and trinkets from the city.

&&&

The day Harry kissed Malfoy was one he would savor endlessly. They were on the couch, watching some muggle sitcom that Harry enjoyed far too much. His face lit up at each joke, and Draco smiled at his reactions.

When the couple on the show kissed, apparently Harry thought they should, too. His lips were soft, and pleading, and everything Draco wanted to spend the rest of his life standing for.

There were slight changes between them, like sharing a bed and kisses in between apparating. But for the most part, things for the two boys remained happily the same.

&&&

The day they were married, Harry proposed a toast to his new husband. For his “undeniable courage against everything that threatened to destroy him during the war,” along with his “heart that is bigger than he will ever let on,” and his “dedication to what he believes is right, for all of the right reasons.” Ron, Hermione, Pansy, and Blaise were among the loudest of the applause. Draco was crying (from the onions in the hor d'oeuvres, of course).

Something about the way the words fell from Harry’s tongue, so effortlessly... he truly meant them. And it was evident that, deep down, Draco was always the person he’d loved. The same strong, brave, determined, ambitious almost-Gryffindor he still was.

And that would never change.

Fin.

[antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx]

Mouse’s Reclist (#1/?)

Okay, it is time. Time to get working on the incredibly frustrating (but rewarding) task of putting together a fic reclist (the EDM one is next). No, none of my own are going to be on here, I literally know antis would accuse me of doing that for clout. If you want my own fics, DM me :). They probably suck, most of them are really self-indulgent, and I have an update schedule that embodies the slow feeling of trying to download free porn from a dial-up connection in 1997. And your mother is picking up the phone when you’re at the last megabyte and makes you start over. Or something.

I’m going to put a hotlink on the title and probably the author, if that’ll work super easy in a format transfer. Then I’ll post the fandom, pairing, and fic summary in italics, and uh, possibly a small review with some warnings. Keep in mind I can’t be as thorough as the authors themselves, if they’ve chosen to tag at all, because while I do reread these often, I can’t remember every exact trigger. Some of these are fluffy, and some of these are FUCKED UP. Capital F, capital U. Let’s get started. Not organised by fandom or by alphabetical order or by length because my ADHD just says “ONTO THE NEXT LINK GOGOGOGOGOGO” every five seconds. Google docs,,,, stop yelling at my grammar and let me do this thing. There should be about 30 or so under the cut. (Maybe I’ll do more?)

Obviously the first is Three Missing Girls in Madison, Wisconsin by lapsi. This is the Mindhunter Bill/Holden rec that I posted, like, four days ago, and what inspired me to post my own little oneshot drabble. You can check for that in my recs tag for a more detailed description. Let’s just say it’s fucking gorgeous. Everything by lapsi is gorgeous.

Revalations by Anonymous - MCU/Starker/WIP - “I still don’t get it,” Ned says. “How you just... keep being ordinary in spite of all the craziness you’ve lived through. You were in space. You helped Iron Man save the universe. And nobody knows it was you.” His tone softens, becomes almost sad. As though he realizes that what he’s saying is so completely alien to him that he will never be able to understand this part of Peter’s life. “Peter, don’t you want people to know you for who you are?”//An AU where they get the Gauntlet off of Thanos that first time, on Titan. - This is a sort of supremely fucked up but also absolutely beautiful Starker fic with aged up!Peter. By, like, three years, and he’s still essentially Tony’s sugar baby, but whatever. It’s literally an absolute amazing ride.

the spaces between the stars by indigostohelit - Generation Kill/Bradnate - Lieutenant Nathaniel Fick of the USS Devil Dog is returning to Earth with the weight of the world on his shoulders: his captain is incompetent, his crew is half in mutiny, and the mission to a distant star may have been more of a failure than anyone could have comprehended. But on the journey back, something in the ship goes terribly wrong—and Nate may have to bear far more than the weight of the world if he's going to keep his men safe. - Okay, what fandom ancients still remember Generation Kill? Warnings in and of itself for just the general nature of camaraderie on that show. I’m usually a Bradray sucker (remind me to get to those next time), but this was fucking fantastic. Sci-fi mystery AU is my absolute FAVOURITE genre, hands down, all time, ever. And indigo has written a veritable basketload of my fav fics besides, so I can always trust in them.

All of Astolat’s MegOp fic - Transformers/MegOp - ‘Nuff said. She’s the founder of the goddamn site. You’re damn straight I’m going to fawn over her fic. Also it’s fucking good, founding the site aside. I cried. I cried so fucking much. I dripped tears like a sponge.

The White Road by perverse_idyll - Harry Potter/Snarry - One day, comfortably set up in the afterlife, Lily Evans Potter switches on the telly and gets hooked on the Harry Potter show. - Okay, first, this is the only time I’ve literally ever seen one-sided Snily where Lily was the one pining. Anyway, the summary explains the premise, but doesn’t do it justice. Lily watches down on the many possible universes that contain her son’s future from a comfy spot in the afterlife. The relationship between literally everyone in the fic and Severus is… exquisitely-detailed and heart-wrenchingly painful. I’d die for this fic, so I could read a million versions of it in the afterlife.

Rapture by mia_ugly - Harry Potter/Snarry - Snape sees the man, for the first time, on his twenty-fifth birthday. - I fucking bawled my eyes out the first time I read this. And the second. And the third. Dumbledore gives Harry a time-travelling watch for his birthday. A watch that travels to a young Severus, who Harry gets to know. On a pretense, of course. And then he falls in love with him. They both do. It’s absolutely agonising angst, but it has a happy ending. It will fucking pack a punch though, so get the tissues ready. This one is perhaps my favourite Snarry fic of all time. Period. Please don’t pass it up. The writing is so fucking amazingly-crafted. I would sell my soul to write like this.

Shell Game by forthegreatergood - DCU/Superbat - Batman wants Superman. Superman wants Batman. Eventually they'll get it sorted out. - An absolutely spot-on identity porn fic. As cheesy as the summary sounds, this fic hits hard. And it has sex pollen. Who can resist sex pollen? Pun intended, maybe.

Every Superbat fic by Susiecarter. - DCU/Superbat - Susie is a friend of mine (fucking,,, don’t know how I managed that one, apparently I write good enough fic for them to read,,, astonishing), and one of Superbat fandom’s greatest contributors. One of DCEU fandom’s greatest contributors, in fact. Everything they’ve written is a masterpiece. But the ultimate fav? as to which may be the true. Hands down. IDENTITY PORN GALORE.

The Long Hangover by CoffioCake - DCU/Superbat - Clark knows he should take a break: His powers are on the fritz, he feels like shit, and Batman’s treating him like a liability. But Gotham's villains seem to have it in for Metropolis' Big Blue Boy Scout and Clark won't just wait around for answers. Batman might be the world’s greatest detective, but Clark Kent is one of the Daily Planet’s most tenacious reporters.//This is definitely a job for Superman. - Okay, I can’t promise another Superbat won’t show up on this list. I’m a sucker for it. I’m also a sucker for case fic. Which is this. It’s so good. So good.

No Glory (and everything else in the HP fandom) by ObsidianPen - Harry Potter/Tomarry/WIP - The Dark Lord divines what Harry Potter is in the Forbidden Forest, and revelations lead to incomprehensible consequences. Lord Voldemort has won... and the dystopia is damning.//A tale of a fallen hero, dark desires, and a Dark Lord's obsession with something he has lost and finds himself unwillingly lusting after: a soul. - This is a Voldemort wins!AU. A fucking delicious one. If only my own Tomarry could aspire, by god. The imagery in this is so vivid I could swear it was painted on my eyelids. The concept of soul magic and interpretations on Horcruxes is unique and perfectly-executed. Honestly, everything Obsidian has ever written for HP is perfectly-executed. I would probably consider this the definitive Tomarry/Harrymort fic. Seriously.

It Cages a Demon by TripleX_Tyrant - Rick & Morty/C137cest/WIP - When Rick captures a powerful being from a demonic dimension - a demon with the ability to devour thoughts - Morty's consciousness is pulled into the demon's cage. Rick must go in after him before Morty's consciousness is completely consumed. But this isn't what the inside of the cage should look like. And if Rick wants to save Morty, he'll have to survive in a place where paths are unclear and monsters manifest.//Rick knew his own mind was complex. But he wasn't ready for this. - A goddamn Silent Hill-style horror mystery AU??????? FOR RICKMORTY? Yep, you heard me. And every second of it is liquid gold. It’s also gory as all fuck and pants-shittingly terrifying at times, so read at your own risk. But if you can risk it, please do. It’s honestly the best execution of C137cest I’ve seen outside of Harmon’s own damn writing lmao.

The Book of Secrets by Are - Downton Abbey/Thommy - With a war of words and wills, Jimmy Kent and Thomas Barrow embark on a strange romance. Set Post Christmas Special. - Thommy is another rare-ish (now, post-2016) pairing that I would die for. And everything Are has ever written for the pairing could kill me and I would thank it. But TBS is the best. Jimmy finds Thomas’ diary (and poetry book), which was also the diary (and sketchbook) of Courtenay before his passing, and learns more about his past and his innermost thoughts. It’s the most haunting, heartbreaking, poignant fic in the pairing. It ends well, but the journey you’ll take from the first chapter is one I would pay money to experience for the first time again. I literally couldn’t even breathe for a while after this. Lapsi’s fic has the same effect, so if you’ve worked through that one by now, be prepared.

Mad Man by griseldajane - MCU/Thorki - In all the years they spent together, it never occurred to Loki that there might be a time when Thor would not be available to him. The god of mischief conceals himself, coming and going as he pleases, doing what he wants.//That Thor might one day do the same never crossed his mind. - All the mindfuckery a Convinced-You-Were-in-an-Insane-Asylum-the-Whole-Time!fic entails and more. If you have issues with dissociating from reality, this is probably a bit much, because it absolutely nails everything about derealisation, delusional thinking, and paranoia. GOD, if you’re willing to let your mind take that battering, though, it’s a damn work of art.

Switch by Ceres_Libera - Star Trek/McKirk - The life and times of Leonard H. McCoy MD/PhD … If Leonard McCoy's life could get any fucking weirder, it would be … Jesus, he didn't even want to think what that could possibly mean, because it's already been too fucking weird to make any kind of rational sense.//A Starfleet Academy story, set in the ST:XI universe. - The ultimate McKirk fic imho. We’ll get to my ultimate Spirk fic in a second. Please do read this. It’s everything you could want out of an Academy!fic. Especially a roommates/UST!fic. 

Black Mirror by DarthNickels - Star Wars/Gen - The Ghost crew returns to the Lothal when they hear the Empire is investigating the Jedi Temple there. They learn Vader is alone and decide to take him out-- but what they find could change the course of Galactic history. - What, you think I don’t read Gen? I read Gen!!!! Look at all this Gen I read. Put simply, Dad!Vader redemption arc set in the Rebels era. FUCKING,,, what more could I ask for,,, literally. What more?????????? Sci-fi mystery??? ASKING FOR MORE WHOMMMMMST’VE????

The Lotus Eaters by aldora89 - Star Trek/Spirk - Stranded on the planet Sigma Nox while searching for a missing away team, Spock and Kirk find themselves pitted against a disturbing native life form. With the captain out of commission on a regular basis and Spock struggling to preserve his stoicism, staying alive is difficult enough – but when a slim chance for escape surfaces, their resolve is truly put to the test. Together they must fight for survival in the heart of an alien jungle, and in the process, uncover the mystery of the planet’s past. Slow build K/S. - Here’s that aforementioned ultimate Spirk fic. Okay, what, it’s sci-fi mystery again. Give me a break. You just heard how much I would absolutely die for it. Seriously, there is no Spirk fic I adore more than this. I mean, I adore an absolute shittonne of Spirk fics, but this one is my raison d’etre.

In Good Company by weialala - Naruto/Sasunaru - This will sound a little ridiculous, no matter how Sasuke phrases it. I see dead people is embarrassingly tacky, and I'm half-spirit seems like something Sakura might say when she's stoned sky high. So he settles for a shrug. - Sasuke sees dead people. Sasuke bonds with the goddamn fae. Kuchiyose no Jutsu taken to the fucking max. An epic that does what The Last pretty much couldn’t. Shippuden who???

The Boy Who Died A Lot by starcrossedgirl - Harry Potter/Snarry - Harry’s always been known as The Boy Who Lived. Only Severus knows that this is a lie. (Or: a portrait of Severus Snape, in seven acts.) - Oh, there’s Snarry again. Bite me. This is my second (third? Tied with the White Road?) favourite Snarry fic. Time travel, almost Groundhog Day style. Severus has to go back and fix every mistake Harry makes that leads to his untimely death throughout the seven books. I honestly could believe this is what really happened, and we just don’t know otherwise because Rowling hasn’t deigned to make this shit up and put a woke spin on it yet.

Kisses Cursed by The_Fictionist - Harry Potter/Tomarry - Fairytale AU. Loosely inspired by Beauty and the Beast.//Some said he was once a man, cursed, and some that he sold his soul to demons and became one in turn. Others said that such evil as he could never have been human. That he was instead a nightmare, left lingering upon the earth a very long time ago.//Harry just knew it wasn't safe to walk near the Riddle House after dark. - Not just a fairytale AU, but a MYSTERY(!!!!) fairytale!AU. Okay, who’s gotten that I love mystery by now? This one is amazing, no matter how many puzzle pieces have slotted into place. The ride is a wild one and a great one. My second favourite Tomarry fic. I’d rank more of The_Fictionist’s higher, but they’ve deleted a lot of their old stuff, despite me absolutely adoring it.

United States v. Barnes, 617 F. Supp. 2d 143 (D.D.C. 2015) by fallingvoices & radialarch - MCU/Stucky - The Associated Press @AP//Winter Soldier set to stand trial for Washington D.C. massacre and treason apne.ws/1og6SWE - Both an epistolary/media fic and a case fic? Sign me tf up. Came out mere seconds (I exaggerate a little) after TWS, which I instantly fell in love with in theatres (still my fav MCU movie, folks). Details what a trial would be like for James Buchanan Barnes, should the MCU function more like real life, all in newspaper/tweet/blog form. Best way I’ve seen epistolary!fic formatted, tbh. Only on the AO3, huh?

The Mirror by cloudyjenn - Supernatural/Destiel - When Dean touches a strange mirror, he's whisked away to one alternate reality after another and it doesn't take him long to realize the universe is trying to tell him something. - I love dimension hopping. And it’s for my first ever hardcore fandom (besides Pokemon), too! I usually see dimension hopping more in sci-fi and superhero fandoms, so it was nice to see it in fantasy, too. A million alternate dimensions where Dean and Cas are in love. It’s definitely a message. :eyes emoji:

Stay With Me (home is where your mind is.) by sara_holmes - Marvel/Stony - Where Steve doesn’t quite die, ends up stranded in the multiverse and would quite like to know how the hell so many versions of himself ended up sleeping with Tony Stark. Well, that’s going to make things a tad awkward when he gets home. - Speaking of dimension hopping in superhero fandoms. This is honestly the most interesting way I’ve seen dimension hopping played out. Or rather, dimension consolidating. Steve ends up in a purgatory-style void populated only by other versions of himself from throughout the Multiverse. Like the Mirror, there’s definitely a message being sent here about how many versions of him are doing the do with a certain genius playboy billionaire philanthropist. 

Thicker than Water by StarkatHeart - Marvel/Stony/Superfamily - Neither of them would admit it, but blood does count for something.//When Peter Parker discovers his biological father is actually none other than Tony Stark, it's not exactly news that's well received. By either party. But they're Avengers. They're teammates. They'll just have to work through it. ...Or maybe just ignore it. - On a completely different note from Starker, or not-so-different, depending on how depraved you like your fic to be flavoured, Peter as Tony’s biological son. This is pure Superfamily, not a hint of fucked up incest to be found. Though if anyone has any fucked up incest recs, I’m down to get my dirty paws on them.

the undiscovered country by indigostohelit - Shakespeare/Hamratio - It's 1959, and the mayor of Chicago is dead. - Remember how I said indigo had written some of my fav fics before? Yeah, 1950’s Americana!AU Hamlet, with added Hamratio. It is as good as it sounds.

All of astolat’s GoT and Thor works TBH. But please don’t pass up her Thorki, especially not Chaos War and Revelations. 

Reaching as I Fall by apokteino - Supernatural/Destiel - “Service to God was the meaning of existence; service to Michael is nothing but slavery.” Castiel is part of an underground network helping angels fall, in resistance to heaven. At the same time that a fallen angel by the name of Dean Winchester turns up, some of those in the network are murdered by Michael’s forces – there’s a spy. What does Dean have to do with it? Who is Dean? And why are they hunting him so fiercely?//A story about love, family, and choice. - Let me introduce you to my favourite AU concept from all of SPN fandom. No, I won’t spoil it. Needless to say, I’ve tried to write it myself a thousand times, and only succeeded in a thousand false starts. Maybe one day I’ll get around to it. Plus, I always disagree with these authors, anyway. Dean is totally a bottom. ;P

I Got a Soul but I’m Not a Soldier by starandrea - Supernatural/Destiel - AU: Castiel is on the road (saving people, helping things) when he meets Dean and realizes that his soul is different - and not just because he's the pastor's son. - Here it is again, my favourite trope (well, I’d call it a trope, if there were more than a dozen or so fics for it). If you haven’t read RAIF, I’m wondering if you’ve caught on yet. ;P.

Chosen Man by Sineala - The Eagle/Marcus x Esca - The son of the man who lost the Eagle of the Ninth would never be allowed a first command of his very own fort, would he?//Marcus is posted not to Isca Dumnoniorum, but to a wretched and run-down garrison north of the Wall. There he finds that he is the new centurion of a group of scouts and spies, all of them British. He has few supplies and no experience. His men distrust him. His superiors despise him. His second-in-command is an incompetent drunkard. And the local tribes are determined to kill all of them.//But the worst thing of all is one of Marcus' soldiers. He is an enigmatic, dangerous, and insubordinate man by the name of Esca, who makes Marcus yearn for terrifying things he has never before wanted and can never, ever let himself have… - Sine pretty much engineered the Eagle fandom. 

I followed them from the Eagle and into all their other ventures, too, and when they started writing for Stony I practically screamed in excitement. PLEASE read their Stony, if it’s the only Stony you ever read.

The Leonardo Effect by Phoenike - Assassin’s Creed/EzioLeo - To Ezio’s best knowledge, Leonardo's idea of debauchery was staying up until morning with a bottle of wine and too many sketching supplies. But why would the gondolier have lied? It was a heavy accusation. In both Firenze and Venezia, mere allegations of unnatural conduct had condemned men to be pilloried or hanged. - My favourite EzioLeo fic of all time. Everything Phoe has ever written is a gem, but this one takes the cake. Have I said that already? A lot of cake is being taken. Please read. It’s the epitome of what makes EzioLeo good.

Naked to Mine Enemies by mundungus42 - Pirates of the Caribbean/Sparrington - The Pirate Code doesn't expressly command its adherents to repay debts that bridge life and death, but the Code is more of a set of guidelines, anyway. Sparrow/Norrington, set after At World's End, ignores all films released thereafter. - A classic fic for a classic ship. My ship pun both is and isn’t intended. I’d read this one over and over. Okay, I already do. Whenever I go back to Sparrington, I go back to this.

The Persistence of Iron by Sylvia - Marvel/X-Men Cinematic Universe/Cherik - Waking up in a lab with no memories and a blue-eyed stranger calling him by someone else's name is only the beginning of Erik's problems.- Sci-fi mystery. You don’t need to ask me to clarify at this point, do you? Cloning tech? CLONING TECH? DE-AGING CLONING TECH? So many favourite tropes.

Take the Heat Out of Me by quipquipquip - DCU/Jaydick - Lost Days!Jason trolls Officer Grayson!Dick in Blüdhaven. Dick counter-trolls with the power of love. (It's super effective.) - A classic Jaydick fic. I think it was quip’s last foray into fic. Under that name, at least. What a bang to go out with.

Don’t Quote Me by TKodami - DCU/Superbat/WIP - Bruce Wayne has weathered scandal before, and Wayne Enterprises can handle another publicity crisis. What Bruce can’t handle is one crashing up against his plans to infiltrate Lex’s estate. Set during Batman v. Superman. - There’s that more Superbat. I’m sure… one day… the author will finish it. It’s a goddamn sex tape scandal!fic. Glorious.

Speaking of, every Superbat fic by Liodain. 

In This White Wave I Am Sinking by queeniegalore - Generation Kill/Bradray - He felt like he wasn’t really living, like he was in an in-between state, something that came between war and real life, something like purgatory. - The atmosphere for this is consistently beautiful and bittersweet. 

Okay, that’s about it for now. Save for an honourable mention to one of the fics that I started off with in the SPN fandom. I’d honour some more, but most everything’s been purged at this point. Come on, 2012!fandom, stop hiding behind how “cringe” you think shit was. I want my fic back.

Pull Me Under by AwesomeDistractions -- a Destiel handprint!kink WIP.

And finally, the most honourable mention, the first slash fic I ever read, from the Pokemon fandom, of all places. Originalshipping horror/mystery!AU. Wow, my tastes have always been, well, my tastes. Believe it or not, best place I can find it is a Waybackmachine archive of a creepypasta uploading site that went defunct a while back. I never found out the original author. But here it is, Missing, the first ever slash fic I stumbled across.

If you guys want more, I can definitely provide more. I have thousands of bookmarks. These are just my very, very favourites. What ones are still remaining on AO3, anyway. This is why I save most in PDFs. Though there are a few completely lost to time, and I’m pretty sure the OTW says fuck you to Waybackmachine, which. Uhghgh. Please. I want my nostalgia rush back.

[amphtaminedreams]

To All the Characters I’ve Overly Identified with Before: Borderline Personality Disorder and Attachment to Fictional Characters

It’s been a month, and I’m still not over how Game of Thrones ended. I’m still not over the way that a character who, throughout the previous seventy something episodes of the show, was only ever ruthless towards people who were deserving of her wrath (within the context of westerosi justice because let’s not forget everyone’s favourite man of honour Ned Stark decapitated a young man for running for his life in the first episode), suddenly massacred a whole city in the penultimate episode. I’m not over the way that writers who spent the previous seasons showing that they were capable of translating the moral ambiguity of George R.R Martin’s characters from page to screen, got lazy and left us with a character whose actions became impossible to defend right as the show was ending. I’m not over the way that such a beautifully complex character who endured so much hurt and trauma was reduced to nothing more than a “crazy woman” by a couple of male writers in her final moments. I’m not over the fact that Emilia Clarke put her heart and soul into the character and did everything she could to bring Daenerys Targaryen to life for David Benioff and Dan Weiss to both literally and figuratively assassinate her.

I think those feels have been felt by a lot of Game of Thrones fans since the show ended. God knows I’ve watched enough youtube video essays and read enough articles and liked enough tweets reiterating the sentiment. Daenerys Targaryen was, in my opinion, the best character on Game of Thrones. I wasn’t angry because she didn’t end up sitting on the throne (though my boy Drogon made sure nobody else ever would either and I guess I can get behind that), I was angry because all the balance that made her character so great was thrown out the window in order to progress the story of her male counterpart and bring a show that probably could’ve done with another 2 seasons to an end. Dany has always had a dark side, she is the “fire” that the title of the book series refers to, but throughout the show, we’ve never seen her indulge that side to the point of no return. We’ve seen her wrestle with it and use it to exact punishment on those who deserve it when needs be, and that was part of what I liked about her. Not to go all feminist essay on anyone’s ass but we don’t usually get to see women in TV who are celebrated for their powers of intimidation, and I liked how prior to season 8, the narrative never made female characters like Dany or Arya or Brienne out to be monsters for killing people the same way that basically every single man on the show did at one point or another. I liked that sometimes she was a little excessive because it made sense, she did have “dragon” in her, and she still had lines she wouldn’t cross, clear values and principles; she fought for the innocent, for women and for children, and for freedom. On a personal level, I loved her because we watched her go from a lonely, scared and vulnerable girl to a strong, ambitious and self-assured woman and that was a trajectory I wanted to relate to.

And then all of a sudden, without any justification or build up at all, she’s a mass murderer of the same “downtrodden” people she always claimed to fight for. Fuck, I’m thinking. I literally watched that episode through my hands because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. When I say I cried on and off for about 3 days after I watched the final episode, I’m not exaggerating; I only need to see a screen cap now a month later or an interview with Emilia Clarke and I’m off again. It literally felt as if I was mourning the loss of a real person. But this isn’t the first time I’ve had this kind of attachment to a character. Daenerys Targaryen was probably just the last in a long list of women I overly identified with.

I’m not much like her at all really, I’ve burnt myself from taking the film off my microwaved lasagne and not moving my thumb away from the hot air in time (lmao), however, I think I saw parts of myself in her journey and traits that I wanted to have, thus, I latched on. Before Daenerys Targaryen there was Spencer Hastings and before her there was Cassie Ainsworth and then if we’re gonna throw it all the way back, there was Hermione Granger (and some other characters I was more mildly obsessed with along the way, Katniss Everdeen, Bree Van de Kamp and Cosima Niehaus, I’m looking at you). I still love all those characters now but when their respective shows or films were actually current, I was completely obsessed. I spent my 16th birthday at the Harry Potter studios on the outskirts of London with my family, forget birthday parties or meals out with my friends. I wished more than anything that I had 2 best friends that loved me unconditionally and I did my best to emulate that drive and intelligence and work ethic everyone associates with Hermione. I told myself I was just like her even though I lacked the confidence to put my hand up in all but one of my classes and last time I checked, was just trying to conquer GCSEs not fight an evil wizard snaked hybrid man or whatever Voldemort is.  I identified with the loneliness and the need for control that I saw in Cassie, and was like “oH eM GeE, tHat’s sO mE!” at Spencer’s perfectionism. When I was speeding for my exams (and then, unfortunately, for long after), I felt spiritually connected to that whole Pretty Little Liars arc where Spencer started popping adderall on the daily even though I could really only wish for someone to care about me enough to stalk me like A did and the worst possible outcome of my all nighter was not taking in enough content to bullshit my way through a 30 marker.

They would understand me, they would be my friend. They represent me. That was the baseline sentiment of my obsession. And I think that’s the borderline part of me jumping out. See, such a huge part of BPD is feeling unwanted and misunderstood and forgettable and really, deeply lonely.  Like it’s a kind of loneliness I think you feel like an actual person can never really fulfil because the (faulty and not necessarily reflective of reality) thought pattern is that they’ll lose interest and leave you sooner or later. Fictional characters are always there, until the show gets cancelled or the character gets killed off, at least, and then comes the completely disproportionate tidal wave of grief. They exist in a different world too, a one that feels a lot less dangerous (even if it’s actually way more dangerous, I mean I really wouldn’t last five fucking minutes in Westeros) and detached from the often chronically muted reality of BPD.

Then there’s the trouble with the sense of self, part and package of BPD for most, which facilitates, you know, thinking that a genius witch or, like, any character in skins (because in hindsight as great as that show was, WHY DO NONE OF THEM HAVE JOBS YET SEEMINGLY AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF DRUGS AND PARENTS THAT NEVER SEEM TO CARE WHERE THE HELL THEY ARE!?) resembles you as a person in any way. Though I suppose I’m learning recently as I begin to reflect more on what I enjoy and value, I’ve never had much more than a vague idea of what my positive qualities are, so when I saw them fully realised in a character it was a treasure trove of mannerisms and traits and ways of carrying oneself to adopt. It becomes a mould into which you can squeeze the ball of meh-ness and uncertainty you feel you resemble. Now I’m realising that although it might take me a little more time and a lot more effort, it’s much more rewarding to become the very best version of myself, but back then, I suppose I didn’t recognise why I was doing what I was doing. 

I only got diagnosed with BPD and started learning about it when it was 19, so all the years before that were pretty much spent unaware of the reasons why I had these quirks. As I “recover” (I suppose that’s the right word) and I get back into hobbies and spend more time with friends, I feel like I’m beginning to discover more and more of who I am. I’m starting to accept that there are positive things about me and plenty of things for people to like, right here in this world, not some fictional one.

I still love characters way too much and get overly attached and invested in TV shows but even that doesn’t necessarily have to be something to be ashamed of. When I’ve got into *ahem* discussions with people online about characters before, I’ve occasionally gotten the “why do you care so much, it’s not real life!” in response, and I mean, there’s definitely a point to be made if your passion for something is causing you to lash out at real life people with real life feelings. But when you’re not, when it can give you hours of discussion and entertainment and can drive you to make real positive changes in the world too, what’s wrong with passion? There’s nothing I love more than having a conversation with someone who I can tell really loves what they’re talking about, so why should I be ashamed of having the capacity to become deeply invested in things too? I think as long as it’s not taking over my life as I have allowed it to do so in the past, there’s nothing wrong with having passion for fictional things or for anything, for that matter. As long as it’s not something fucked up, like idk, white supremacy or Rick and Morty (JOKING). 

I don’t regret loving all the things I loved because being a huge Harry Potter fan for so many years did give me an escape when I absolutely hated myself and couldn’t find much enjoyment in real life. I hope that if I do have children one day, they’ll love it too, maybe not quite as much as I did but enough for it to give them all the joy it gave me, all the same. So in summary, yeah, fuck David Benioff and Dan Weiss (lmao, I’m joking, they’re just shitty original screenplay writers who could probably do with a class or two on how to write female characters), but also, understand before you make fun of someone for being overly invested in something that there’s probably a good reason for it and that, at the end of the day, they’re usually not hurting anyone. I’ll probably still be stanning Daenerys Targaryen and pretending season 8 episode 5 didn’t happen until the day I die. Let me live, okay?

Lauren x

[youhaveaguineapigwhere]

A non-binary story

A/N: This may get long but I really felt I needed to vocalize my experience being non-binary and the stressors I go through daily and have my whole life. A lot has been going on lately and this has been weighing on me, my mental health has been experiencing some hard blows and that mixed with the ever nearing promise of warmer seasons approaching and more revealing clothing needed, has been causing me to feel more anxious, and self conscious/dysphoric than usual.

For my trans, non-binary, genderfluid and genderqueer lovelies, I hope this gives you a sense of solidarity and that you are not alone in your struggles💙And for my allies, I hope you take the time to read this and try to empathize with the queer experience. Many many many have it worse than I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The shoes I wear can affect how I am gendered in public. And I’m not talking about a high heels vrs sneakers deal. I don’t even own a pair of high heels. (I believe I’m around an 11? In women’s, and if they even made them in that size I would not be able to walk in them for shit my good lads.)

I’m talking about black boots that are pointed at the end, and black boots that are rounded at the end. Something that simple. The jacket I decide to wear, or even just the way I use my hands. Some days it’s just more masculine or feminine the way I hold myself, and I have little to no control over it really.

It’s a horrible way to live, knowing that each decision passerby’s may land upon, (male or female? the big whooping question) comes with its own set of assumptions about who I am as a person, how I grew up, the privileges I may have had, the people I may be attracted to. etc. Knowing that either way their assumptions are most likely wrong. Knowing that at the end of the day, when all of these minuscule interactions cease to matter, with the life I lead, I make meaningful connections with no one, I hold valuable relationships with no one. At the end of the day I’m met with the feeling of worthlessness, no matter what strangers decided to assume about my appearance fully for their own comfort, sense of satisfaction, sense of curiosity, or even just the plain amusement.

It’s not always inherently judgmental, and I feel sometimes that I’m probably paranoid or over invested about the way people look at me, my big sister calls me a paranoid person in general, but then again my big sister has never known the experience of being queer. She also says I’m horrible at casually observing people, but I believe that’s because no one’s ever been casual about observing me, and I just never learned the trait. I’m tall, I’m broad, I dress differently, I intimidate people. I’m used to it.

When people stare people stare, some are less obvious about it than others, I usually try to avoid eye contact, ignore, move on-move on (if you don’t get the Harry Potter quote, you’re fired) but sometimes it’s interesting to see people’s reactions when I don’t, when I stand my ground, say with my posture and my eyes that ‘I know you’re looking at me. So I’m looking right back at you. How does it feel.’ How per say would you like me to scan you top to bottom? study your outfit, your hair, your face, your gestures, your body? Just because I couldn’t quite tell if you were a boy or girl at first glance, and I’d like to figure it out.

Last month I had a middle aged white woman actually break into an awkward smile after I caught her looking at me and refused to break eye contact. It was hilarious and satisfying at the same time. She was forced to make a spilt decision, on weather she was just going to pretend she hadn’t been caught, make her discontent clear by making some sort of disgusted face, or awkwardly smile and make my day a little less worse than it could have been. It was an interesting experiment to say the least.

And occasionally, oh ho occasionally, probably more often than one would consider handleable, there will be an old man, usually, and by usually I mean I can’t think of a time when this character wasn’t white, scowling at me from somewhere distant, but not so distant to where I miss that he’s still staring at me, every time I turn around, and yep I’m not crazy, he’s looking right at me, for the next 15 minutes plus.

For the most part I can handle casual judgment, I can handle the stares and scoffs, I can handle people who see me and just want to put me into their own mental box without a word before they move on, it’s a societal condition, I’m not completely clear of it myself, I have been prey to it before. My anxiety and depression just have to suck it up, this is the world we live in. But when I get old men looking at me like that, like I’m somehow a tool for them to express their hatred even with no words spoken, it takes everything I have not to yell “the fuck you lookin at” across food court tables and other various borders.

I feel like I’m a mirror. People just pick and choose what they want to see when they look at me, they reflect their own judgment, their own closed mindedness, their own ignorance, their own frivolous attachment to the beloved binary, and at no point, does it ever have anything to do, with me. You can think what you want strangers, but you have probably never known someone with a life as complicated as mine has been, an attempt to simplify would only dig you deeper into your own hole. I truly believe I have lived the experience of both a man and a woman, if a genitalia or two be excluded, purely because assumptions people like you have made, purely because the difference in how I am treated by people who see me as a woman, than by people who see me as a man. Purely because of this society’s deep rooted obsession with “gender” and it’s “roles”.

I am, non-binary. Never will I not be proud to say: “I don’t fit in, and you can’t make me.” So for the love of god, stop trying.

[justafangirlwithideas]

This is a fic I wrote as part of a collab with @ribbitsplace . I then also pulled in @thepurplewarlock , because I’ve never worked with her before, and I also really needed someone to help motivate me to write this. Thank you so much for helping Becca!! The timeline doesn’t really matter, but I guess you can imagine it takes place some time after Mark returns, but before LoS. So I hope you all enjoy some cute Julian and Mark!

Julian was not a very optimistic person, so when Mark got sick, his first thoughts were rather cynical. However, Julian's life had taught him to find pleasure in the smallest things, so at least he could enjoy the simple blessing that of all the times Mark could have gotten sick it was this rather uneventful week.

Of course, it didn't remain uneventful for long, although it was a different kind of chaotic Jules was used to. It was the kind of chaotic that reminded him of the scene in the first Harry Potter movie when it rained Hogwarts letters. Not that he had seen that movie, of course. He was a shadowhunter; they weren't even supposed to be aware of pop culture. But as he saw The List turn up seemingly everywhere, he was reminded more and more of that one scene in Harry Potter.

The List was a phenomenon started by the two youngest Blackthorn sisters when Mark returned from Faerie. Essentially, it was a list of all the big things in pop culture that Mark had missed in his five years away. The original copy of The List hung by Mark’s door, a pen hanging by it so anyone could add to it. There was also a digital copy though, that he often saw Livvy update on her phone. It was printed out versions of this digital copy that had seemed to turn up everywhere Julian was these past few days, since Mark had become ill.

So here he stood, outside Mark's door, the laptop Livvy had given him for his birthday in his hand. He was scanning The List, but he already knew his starting point. If he was going to do this, he might as well get as much fun as possible out of it himself. He would enjoy this, and Livvy’s face when she heard would be even better.

He threw open the door and felt his features morph into the easy expression he put up around the younger ones. Yet he couldn't hide the worry that flickered across his face when he saw Mark, pale skin almost translucent, sweating in his bed.

“Guess what? We're making a start on The List! Up first, the MCU. And you get to watch the best one first, lucky you,” he grinned.

Julian settled himself next to his brother on the bed, careful not to disturb him too much. When their arms brushed, Julian felt Mark burn, and suppressed the uneasy shiver that went through them. It was just the flu. Understandable, since Mark had spent so long in such a different environment.

“Alright, Mark, you are about to experience the wonder that is Iron Man. Enjoy!” He pulled the laptop towards him, set the movie up, and hit play.

Mark was completely entranced by the movie, and Julian couldn't quite tell whether he was surprised or not. He thought the...old Mark would have been into the technology and the fight scenes, but the Mark that had returned from Faerie did not quite get along with anything too modern. He seemed to grow fond of Tony throughout the movie though, and had admitted to being in awe of Pepper.

Whatever the reason was, Julian was pleased. Another Blackthorn on his side in this endless discussion of “who's the best avenger?”. Never mind that Mark hadn't quite seen the other avengers yet.

Jules pulled the computer towards himself and started setting up the next movie. He smiled to himself as he saw what it was. Mark had only just missed this movie as well. It had provided a momentary distraction for the Blackthorns after the Dark War.

“Another movie?” Mark said when he saw the High School Musical: Senior Year poster appear on screen.

“You do realise there six movies in the MCU that I could have made you watch, right? Because that's what the list says: watch all MCU movies. It also says you have to take Livvy and Dru to Iron Man 3 next year, but that's not the point. Honestly, you should be happy we only watched the first Iron Man.”

At that moment Livvy ran past Mark's open door, but she stopped dead in her tracks when she heard the conversation going on inside. “What? You only showed him Iron Man?” Livvy sounded incredulous. “And then you'd try to tell us Iron Man is his favourite avenger, right? Because he doesn't know any others.”

Jules was torn between defending himself and… well, not lying. Because he had kind of been thinking that.

“I did like Tony Stark. He reminds me a little of you, Jules. And Emma, because he's all,” Mark made some vague hand movement that looked like it cost him all of his energy, “funny and sarcastic.” The rest of his words came out slurred, a sure sign of the effort it cost him in his state.

Mock rage barely concealed Julian’s smile. “Are you saying I'm not funny?”

Mark grumbled in return, which really could have meant anything. A laugh escaped Julian and he let his hands come through Mark’s sweaty curls as if he were Tavvy. Looking up, he saw Livvy still leaning against the door frame, smiling softly. When he caught her eye she came over and pressed a kiss to Mark's head.

“Another movie sounds like a great idea. A good way to rest a while. I recommend the first Cap movie,” she grinned.

“Sorry, no can't do. I promised Dru I'd take Tavvy off her hands for a while, so we're watching the third High School Musical. It's on the list as well so you can't argue.” Livvy laughed but didn’t argue as she disappeared out the door.

“Dru's not watching with us?” Marks eyes were big, as if suddenly surprised. “But these are her movies!”

And all of a sudden, Julian was transported to the past. To simpler times, when Mark was the older brother. When Julian’s only job was to annoy Mark and tease Emma. He saw Mark in front of the TV, a young Dru bouncing on his knee as they watched High School Musical. In the memory Julian could see Mark mouthing along to the words and he could practically hear Dru's blabbering. They had all watched those movies a million times with Dru. Mark was right, these were her movies.

Right that moment, Dru materialised in the doorframe, Tavvy beside her. She was clearly about to run off when Mark asked her to stay. Julian saw the conflict on her face: the horror movie she was going to watch versus a sick Mark and High School Musical, which Jules knew she still has a soft spot for. Eventually she joined her three brothers on the bed.

They barely all fit on the bed and Mark’s skin was uncomfortably hot against  his own while on his other side Tavvy couldn’t seem to sit still. Yet the four of them seemed to be transformed to a happier place while sitting there. A place where Mark wasn’t sick, Helen was closer, demons didn’t exist… Tavvy tried to sing along though he barely knew the lyrics, and Julian definitely didn’t miss Dru mouthing all the words to the songs. He knew a smile was plastered on his own face, though whether because of the movie or his family, he couldn’t quite tell.

Once the movie had finished and Julian had sent Tavvy and Dru off to get themselves some lunch, Jules made a point out of giving Mark a dose of all the flu medicine he’d gotten together. He still looked rough, but he seemed better than he had done that morning and his skin burned a little less. Mark had made a half-hearted attempt to argue he felt good enough to return to daily business, but one raised eyebrow from Jules had sent him back to bed. Julian scoffed; Mark could barely stand. Besides, there were still some things on The List he wanted to work through. Checking his sisters’ list to see what he still needed to introduce to his brother, he smiled slightly on seeing that the next thing on his list was silly bandz.

Thankfully he’d bought a few packs for Tavvy recently, who’d become fascinated with them since they had become suddenly popular. Not wanting to give them all to his youngest sibling at once, he’d put some aside, which turned out to be an even better decision than he had originally realised once he thought of how excited Mark would be opening a new pack. Excusing himself to go grab a few, he quickly returned to Mark with a collection of different packs.

Mark glanced over to Jules as he stepped back into the room. “So what is the next thing our sisters have decided I need to catch up on?” he asked smiling, before breaking into a fit of coughs. Jules patted him on the back carefully, waiting until the coughing had resided before throwing a packet at him. Mark picked a packet up, confusion clear on his face.

“They’re called silly bandz,” Jules explained. Of course, that didn’t really do anything to ease Mark’s confusion, which, despite himself, made Jules smile slightly. “Open the packet,” was all he said.

Mark did as told, and dropped the contents into his hand. The assortment of brightly coloured, differently shaped bands seemed to do little to impress Mark though, and Julian had to suppress a grin as Mark picked one up and inspected it closely. It was very obvious that Mark didn’t seem all that impressed, so Jules decided to play the sibling card. “Before you pass judgement, you ought to know that your youngest brother is obsessed with them, and two of your sisters wanted to make sure you experienced them.”

That seemed to do it for Mark, and he picked out a few green and red ones to put on his wrist, before asking “Then why are you not wearing any, brother?”

Jules couldn’t help but kick himself for thinking he had gotten away with it. So far Tavvy hadn’t asked, which Julian was thankful for. He knew that if he ever put one on, he wouldn’t be able to take it off until Tavvy got over his silly bandz phase, both because he would ask Jules where the bands had disappeared to and because Jules knew he wouldn’t have the heart to take them off in the first place. He sighed and held his own packet up, as if to say “mine are here”. Mark raised an eyebrow at Jules, making it very clear that he would not let the matter drop until he’d put his own coloured bands on his own wrist. Yes, his siblings could be a little strange or persistent or weird or even annoying, but Jules wouldn’t change them for the world.

“Do we have any more on The List for today, or were these band things the last of what Livvy and Dru wanted me to catch up on?” Mark asked, satisfied with the fact Jules was now also wearing the colourful monstrosities on his wrist.

“No, there is one more thing...” Jules said half reluctantly, torn between laughing and sighing. “They….they want you to listen to Justin Bieber.”

Mark caught on to his brother’s hesitation. “Is that such a bad thing?” asked Mark and Julian grimly nodded.

“Wait till you hear it day in day out when Livvy is in one of her moods. Or even better, when Emma plays it non-stop. But I'll let you make up your own mind,” Jules said before pulling his phone out and going onto YouTube.

He got through three songs before Mark had decided he agreed with his brother and asked Jules to stop the music, much to Jules’ delight. “I think I am too used to faerie music,” Mark admitted before coughing again. Jules knew of faerie music and what it could do to someone, and if Mark seemed to prefer that over Bieber, then that had to mean something.

“Livvy and Dru are both quite taken by him. And for some reason so is Emma, and the rest of the world. Thank the angel no-one this house is a super fan, but Dru has shown me videos.” Jules said, and Mark somehow seemed to look even more unwell.

“Once I am better we must rescue them before their brains turn to mush,” Mark said and Jules couldn't quite tell if he was joking, being dramatic or being dead serious. Either way, he thought it might be the best thing he’d heard all day. “I’d like that, Mark,” was all he said, but he was grinning.

Having gone through everything on The List that he had meant to, Jules decided to let Mark sleep. Despite Mark’s protests, he was still ill and needed to get better soon. Not that Julian would mind another day like this. Especially the movies had brought back memories of his family, happy and at ease, and best of all he was creating more of those memories.

A quick check on Mark ten minutes later showed Jules that his older brother was fast asleep. He’d enjoyed spending time with Mark, but it was more than that as well. He had needed a day like this, enjoying himself. He thanked Mark for giving it to him in his head, and quietly sent out a quick thanks to Livvy and Dru as well for the crazy List. He made a silent promise to both himself and Mark that he’d try and make more of an effort to spend more time with him, not as Shadowhunters but as brothers.

[o0o-chibaken-o0o]

Hello! I hope you're having a wonderful day! I wanted to ask you if you could recommend some super fluffy fics. BTW I really appreciate you! Thank you so much!

SOMETIMES WE ALL JUST NEED SOME FLUFF, so I’m going to try to make this list extra lovely (and long!) ^-^ 💜💜💜

Fluffy Drarry Recs

Talk to Me by Saras_Girl (15.5K)- When the usual channels of communication are shut down, the most surprising people can find a way in. A strange little love story.Harry is cursed temporarily blind and deaf while alone outside, and is helped by a gentle stranger (*cough* Draco). SO SWEET. Part of her fluffy!verse (collection of one-shots), and anyone after fluff should really read them all

Yours Until Midnight by drarryisgreen (4.5K)- Harry sits at a cafe owned by Draco day after day and wonders why Draco likes to bother him. / Lots of rain, lots of tea(s), lots of fluff.Some fics you just adore for no reason you can articulate, and this is one of those for me. Harry is a (secret) fiction writer under the alias January James, and he writes all his stories in Draco’s cafe, while drinking Draco’s tea and pining without even realizing what he wants. Heart-clenchingly sweet!

Then Comes A Mist and A Weeping Rain by faithwood (21K)- It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that’s ever so cross.This fic has the most kudos of any Drarry fic on AO3, so everyone and their grandmother has probably read it, but READ IT AGAIN because there is a cloud that follows Draco around raining on the poor boy EXCEPT WHEN HARRY’S BEING NICE TO HIM

Luckiest Fucking Size Queen Alive by @l0vegl0wsinthedark​ (6K)- Potter escorts me home, presses me into my front door and kisses me with a ferocity that’s exhilarating. And then Potter asks me, in a growl that makes my cock throw a wet tantrum in my pants, how many more dates I would deem mandatory before I let him fuck me. I drag Potter to bed.This fic is fucking hilarious. Quite possibly my favorite humor/fluff/smut combination ever. They both work at the Ministry, and Draco is lured to Potter by the rumors of his amazing cock and they’re so cute and it’s just pure brilliance.

Good to me (And I’d Be So Good to You) by AWickedMemory (9K)- Everyone returns to Hogwarts after the war, but nothing is quite the same. Harry’s groupies are creepier than ever, Ron and Hermione are snogging all over the place, and the once-proud Draco is shuffling around like a kicked puppy. But that’s okay: Harry’s got a plan.Harry implements Operation Make Friends With Draco Malfoy, and Draco is very confused. Also featuring “Harry’s Draco Lucius Abraxas Malfoy Repository of Information Collected Whilst Stalking (DLAMRoICWS)” hehehe

The Wolf Pack by dracogotgame (13.5K)- Nobody said achieving your animagus form was easy. Draco could handle being a wolf pup for a while, right? How bad could it be?Oh my GOD Draco’s animagus form is a wolf PUPPY and he meets another wolf in the forest and bothers him all the time and then he adopts this wolf as his protector. And the wolf is annoyed but reluctantly amused and endeared and I WONDER WHO THAT WOLF IS HM WHO COULD IT BE????

Mingling, Mistletoe & Misdeeds by @jadepresley​ (10K)- Three couples in denial. One Christmas party to make them finally see sense. Christmas fluff!This fic is adorable! It also features Ron x Pansy and Hermione x Theo, and I fell in love with those other two pairings in this fic as much as Drarry! Christmassy and LOVELY. And Draco planned the party, so you know it’s a good one ;)

Candy by @bixgirl1​ (5.5K)- It was only after careful consideration that Draco came to the wildly preposterous conclusion that he and Potter were actually friends. Sweet fic. May cause cavities.Harry wants to be friends with Draco, but Draco refuses. And keeps refusing. Until somehow they’re suddenly friends, and then they’re more then friends, and Draco has no idea how any of it happened! Oblivious!Draco is my favorite Draco and yes I think I may have indeed gotten a cavity from how sweet this fic was ;)

To Love a Loathed (Arch) Enemy by Sophie_French (11.5K)- “For the last time, Malfoy, I have absolutely no hidden agenda giving you your wand back.”Harry brings Draco his wand back after the war and the rest is history.After Harry returns Draco’s wand, they start sending (FLIRTY OMG) owls back and forth, and then Draco helps Harry with the Hogwarts Restoration and it’s all just adorable :)

Harry Potter and the Incredibly Organized Personal Assistant by megyal (2.5K)- Harry Potter’s new assistant is snarkily organized.Not gonna lie, I have a huge thing for Draco being Harry’s Personal Assistant and basically just running his life. This short little fic is so lovely and funny!

Get Me From My Good Side by @julietsemophase​ (5.5K)- The only reason Harry agrees to these Ministry publicity articles is he knows he’s in safe hands with Draco Malfoy as his stylist. But then a shoot doesn’t quite go to plan and Harry worries his secret is out.Personal stylist is another job I just LOVE for Draco. This fic is perfect perfect perfect because Draco is the only one Harry trusts to style him. And of course that’s not because he’s secretly in love with him, what are you talking about?!

To Bag A Hero by moonshoespotterr (7.5K)- When Draco realises that insults are getting him nowhere, he decides to take a new approach to bagging the Boy Who Lived.Draco starts being nice to Harry and gives him his scarf and YEP this is pure fluff

Tug-O-Want by dysonrules (16.5K)- Harry is back at Hogwarts minding his own business when he finds himself magically drawn to Draco Malfoy. Over and over again.Aaaah amazingness! Accidental bonding! Being repeatedly drawn to each other from opposite sides of the castle! Neither of their faults but they blame each other anyway! Giving in to their desires more and more each time! Y E S

One More Cup of Coffee by Lonov (10.5K)- Harry thought the best part about being a Healer would be saving lives every day without the constant fear of being murdered by a megalomaniac, but when Draco Malfoy walked into the room, he realized he hadn’t escaped so easily.Both are healers, Harry is miffed that Draco has a more senior position than he does, Draco brings Harry coffee every day, and I could choke on the sweetness

Check Me Out by lumosed_quill (3K)- Draco works as a librarian. Harry visits often and attempts (possibly) to flirt with Draco through his choice of books. Draco is not getting it. At all.YES this fic is exactly as adorable as the summary makes it sound :D

Storm in a Teacup by faithwood (8K)- For reasons he’d rather not think about, Draco is obsessed with Potter’s hair. This cannot end well.FLUFF FLUFF HARRY’S HAIR IS FLUFFY LIKE THIS FIC. They study together in a hidden alcove

Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster (16K)- Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome.GAH Harry starts complimenting Draco whenever Draco insults him and Draco gets all flustered and baffled and it’s adorable as FUCK.

9 times Harry kissed Draco, and the 1 time Draco kissed Harry by LockWhoSuper (4.5K)- ‘Harry grinned, Draco fell into his trap perfectly. Surging forwards, Harry wrapped his fingers around Draco’s tie and pulled him forwards until their lips met over their cauldron. The pressure lasted for three seconds, Harry’s eyes shut and Draco’s wide in surprise. When Harry let Draco go, he slid back into his seat slowly, eyes still wide, tie crooked and a blush painting his cheeks.’Every time Draco swears, Harry kisses him. That’ll make him stop. Yep. Perfect plan. Nothing at all to do with Harry wanting to kiss Draco. Nothing whatsoever.

What Potter Wants by birdsofshore (3.5K)- Harry definitely didn’t want to do that to Malfoy. Not at all. So why did Malfoy keep saying that he did?This fic is hilarious and perfect and I think about it all the time because the idea is just that brilliant. Draco insists over and over that Potter is dying to suck his cock. Harry denies it and denies it, but….for someone who doesn’t want to suck Malfoy’s cock, he sure is protesting a lot. Fluffy Smutty Humor ;)

All You Want for Christmas is Me by chibaken (7.5K)- Harry Potter is rich enough to buy himself anything he wants, and so famous that he receives daily gifts from his fans. Whatever is a Secret Santa to do? Draco doesn’t know yet, but he’s going to figure it out.YEAH I’M RECCING MYSELF SUE ME (please don’t). Christmas party games, Draco in denial, presents, and pooooooorn with a ribbon

[we-pay-for-everything]

Five favorite HP characters? Five least favorite? Yur top five HP Otps, five HP notps, and five favorite HP brotps? And five unpopular opinions about the series? Have fun!

Things sounds fun! And hard :P

Favorite HP characters:

1. Sirius Black: I love this dude for many reasons. I think the major one is his love for Harry. He was just Harry’s godfather, knew him for a year, yet his sense of loyalty and responsibility (yes, he is capable of that) made him escape Azkaban for Harry’s safety. Sirius loved Harry with all his heart. I also love how wildly dysfunctional, or bitter, or angry he can be. He’s still a good person, who grew up and realized his mistakes, but he’s one of the most realistic characters. Plus, he’s fun too, and charismatic and compelling.

2. Remus Lupin: Remus is just a patient, kind, intelligent person that faces life’s challenges with grace and dignity. He’s forgiving and capable of smiling and being decent even in the darkest of times. The backslash from that is that he’s often too forgiving (for example, of Snape) and doesn’t stand up for himself. But his self-loathing make him relatable. He also walked away from Harry and his previous life (Sirius, for example) without once glancing back, apparently, which is perhaps his worst, and very human, flaw. 

3. Nymphadora Tonks: this girl is my newest addition to my fictional girl squad. (Don’t ask me how that happened.) Tonks is bright, young, energetic, fun, badass. She’s Moody’s favorite and that guy doesn’t like people easily. She’s a young Auror and McGonagall said they hadn’t recruited a new Auror in years! Tonks’s favorite hair color is bubblegum pink! Who doesn’t love a girl who likes her hair pink? And who’s clumsy and adorably excited to be married and to have a baby? Tonks would’ve been a great wife and mother had she lived and her death is the worst one, because she was so young and had Teddy. 

4. Dobby: he’s just the sweetest okay? He loves Harry, proves that elves can be independent and make their own choices even if limited by their magic. He was a hero who was kind to wizards and fellows elves. Ps: Have a Harry Christmas!

5. Harry Potter: he’s my fictional son. I love Harry so much. In terms of characters, I’d rate him higher than Dobby, except that Dobby never annoys me. Harry is brave, smart, loyal, strong, kind, witty, a tad angry and ruthless. I relate a lot to him sometimes, especially in the Order of the Phoenix. I can’t understand his blinding loyalty to Dumbledore (which can be said of all the characters), nor can I understand him in the Half-Blood Prince. And let’s not discuss how he named his children… Still, Harry’s a wonderful person, a great main character. 

Least Favorite HP characters:

1. Albus Dumbledore: I know he’s not as evil or manipulative as people might think. And it’s easy to blame him for most things considering his many responsibilities in the wizarding world. Dumbledore often had the best intentions, was forgiving and compassionate, but it doesn’t mean he wasn’t a terrible headmaster who endangered his students, often for no good reason. He put his interest in defeating Voldemort (a worthy cause) above his duties as headmaster. He abused the power he had many times. He should’ve many a decision between dedicating his life to defeating Voldemort or to being a responsible headmaster. I find it hard to forgive people that fail children and teenagers like that. Also, the blind loyalty people bestowed him is perhaps the worst thing about HP to me.

2. Severus Snape: while his arc from late OotP to DH is compelling, his character is severely overrated. Snape is the classic children’s “villain” throughout most of the books. His attitude is tiring and monotonous. I fail to see the good writing of his character for the most part. We’re told over and over again, via Harry, that hating Snape is wrong, because he’s “good”. I find this immensely disturbing and upsetting. Harry should’ve been allowed to hate Snape, always. None of his sob story erases the fact that he was abusive to children and unfit to be in a position of power. I will never respect a person who hates and hurts children. Period.

3. Voldemort: I think he’s a boring and ineffective villain. Rowling’s strengths as a writer never rested on the bad guys.The writing for Voldemort was always weak, and the message “power is wrong” is unoriginal and overly simplistic. While some of this backstory may have been interesting (his family’s history was compelling), Voldemort’s evilness resides in him having never been loved, which is the story of every villain ever, and not something to base half a book on. 

4. Bellatrix Lestrange: for someone who kills most of my favorite characters, she isn’t anything to write home about. Bellatrix isn’t a rich villain character and she is very hard to root for. She’s pure evil, unlike her sister Narcisa whose love for her son make her interesting and sympathetic. Bellatrix seems to care a bit about her sister, and Voldemort, but she kills two family members, and doesn’t seem to care at all about her husband. What are her motivations? How did she come to worship Voldemort? She’s also not the wittiest character. 

5. Molly Weasley: could’ve chosen other characters, but Molly is an important one that I don’t love. She’s amazing in the beginning. Until book 4, she’s warm, loving and kind, particularly to her son’s best friend. However, it becomes clear with time that she favors some her children, like Percy or Ginny, over others, like Ron or the twins. She also sometimes cares more about Harry than her own family. She listens to Daily Prophet rubbish and snubs Hermione even if she knew (from a previous article about Arthur) how much Rita Skeeter lies. She didn’t even write to Harry at all, despite her apparent concern. This would’ve been fine (she’s only Ron’s mom after all) if she didn’t like to consider herself Harry’s mom (she even attacks Sirius over this). If she’s Harry’s “mom”, she isn’t a good one. She doesn’t treat him like her other children and she doesn’t ever talk to Harry and show that she’s there for him, emotionally. Feeding someone isn’t enough. Molly also yells all the time, and is very unsupportive and impatient with her less than “perfect” children. She shows them no respect too, like in the DH when she’s trying to keep the Trio from communicating… 

OTPs:

1. Sirius/James: I’ve fallen in love with these two. I don’t necessarily ship them within the books, but Sirius and James were perfect together. They knew the other best and respected and loved each other until their very last breath. If Sirius was ever in love with anyone, it was obviously James. 

2. Remus/Tonks: Tonks is fiery, young and more carefree. Remus is the opposite. They balance each other. And have a cute baby together… 

3. Fleur/Bill: No one took Fleur seriously, but she loved Bill wholeheartedly. She tried to befriend his family, had the wedding in their house, and didn’t even think twice after Bill was mauled by Greyback.

4. James/Lily: Not an OTP but I’ve run out of HP OTPs. James adorably doodled Lily’s name in his exames, and was in love with her for a long time. They seemed to be the definition of domestic bliss, which is nice. 

5. Arthur/Molly: their dynamic was unbalanced, but their love was genuine. 

NOTPs:

1. Minor character/Adult character: Be it Sirius/Harry (gag) or Snape/Harry (gag) or any other pairing like that, I’m disgusted. I honestly don’t even care if it’s one of those time travel fics, whenever I see any HP student (in the 7 books) paired with an adult, I throw up a little. 

2. Harry/Tom Riddle Jr: like, what??? I can’t even… 

3. Draco/Hermione: honestly, what’s with the Draco obsession? He really isn’t that interesting. Draco and Hermione dislike each other, and that’s it. 

4. Draco/Harry: I guess this pairing makes a tad more sense but I still don’t get it. Sometimes, I dislike you means just that. 

5. Sirius/Remus: I’ve read a lot of fanfiction on them, but, in reality, they’re not that great. We’re talking about two characters that turned on each other, and barely seemed to reconnect post-Azkaban. It’s not like Remus was of any help to Sirius in OotP. His input was exclusively to tell Sirius to shut up or stay put. And who lets a loved one go to jail without a trial or some kind of confrontation? 

BROTPs:

1. Sirius/James: duh. They had the best friendship. They finished each other’s sentences, pretty much, were best friends until they died, were almost always together, and trusted each other absolutely. Even if you combine Harry/Ron with Harry/Hermione’s friendships, James and Sirius were better friends. 

2. The Weasley Twins: the strictly platonic version of James and Sirius. They had an amazing dynamic. Still makes me sad to think of George without Fred. People couldn’t even tell them apart!

3. Hermione/Harry/Ron: the trio was pretty flawless when it came to unconditional support and love. 

4. Harry/Luna: there was something really sweet and reassuring about their friendship, especially after Sirius died. 

5. Padfoot/Crookshanks: when you nearly burn yourself trying to get your face up close to someone’s face who is in a fireplace, that’s real love. 

Unpopular Opinions:

1. Order of the Phoenix is the best HP book. It has great, realistic characterization, a great villain (Umbridge), badass activist organizations (Order and D.A), great new characters, suspense, action and drama. 

2. Half-Blood Prince is very overrated. The whole book is mostly a set up for the next book, while ignoring the previous book and containing terrible teen romance.

3. Hermione’s a hypocrite. Frequently breaks the rules when it suits her (like when she unleashed a flock of birds on Ron), tries to force house-elves to be free, despite their loud objections, while claiming to respect them, etc. 

4. Molly Weasley is not a great mother. As I said before, she plays favorites, overcoddles her children, neglects their emotional well-being, etc. 

5. The books are often political and preachy and best be read by people who are capable of critical thinking (and often not children). I would personally not let my children read past the first 3 books. I find myself disagreeing with a lot of HP’s morality lessons and think children lack the ability to see J.K. Rowling’s flaws and the flaws in some of her characters, like Dumbledore or Snape who are romanticized in the end. 

Thanks for the ask! This took a long time. If anyone has any followup questions, feel free to ask!