#(lying this fucking sucks)

[monkesupreme]

Maybe i SHOULD draft out my ‘Clark is a SuperPlant’ propaganda post

[snail-studios]

queers them into oblivion

[cluster-b-culture-is]

loveless aspd culture is always freezing up when youre asked what you like about someone you know and just giving a two word response like “theyre funny” or “theyre nice” because you genuinely cannot answer the question

.

[errruvande]

I found someone who's gonna talk with me about about G Dragon 24/7 😭 She was so close this whole damn time, she's my bestie's friend. We've already talked for like 3 hours and she's fed me 26$72872819 pics of soft goofy GD I wanna cry

[britcision]

Regular reminder that sudden and severe weight loss is a pretty serious sign that something is very, very wrong

[doberbutts]

Also it's still very funny to me when I say "I like Rings of Power" and someone sees it and says I'm not a true fan of Tolkien's works and must not know anything about his writing and then I post a picture of my bookshelf. Never gets old.

[iero]

Ethel Cain was right. It's just not my year.

[feral-ass-raccoon]

i fuckigm HATE when pills get stuck and you can FEEL them but they dont move when you drink water and it just feels AWFUL for like 3 minutes. bitch get Down wtf are you doing up there

[forestgreenlesbian]

pleased to announce i have reached the plain toast with butter phase of recovery

[realpersonfacts]

ugh guys i think they're gonna Get me 😑

[enigmatic-enigmas]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?

No- beauty is in the EYE of the BEHOLDING.

Also an alt. version based off of that one image. You know the one.

And the reference I used as well!

[gay-otlc]

Sending an apology email like "sorry I fucked up! It will happen again because I suck :)"

[hanzajesthanza]

dandelion is indeed the worst but if he’s not present in the next book i would legitimately be sorrowful as the whole thing will become a slog . you basically cannot have the “short stories” era-of-the-timeline iteration of geralt without dandelion, it would be like eating unbuttered bread.

though it’s not like season of storms did them dirty, i wasn’t disappointed with it (… with regards to them), but since it’s literally been over 20 years since the saga was finished i’m trying to prepare for any potential reality

[briar--rising]

Long post about grief and mothers and probably other stuff, idk

Something that I've been trying to process lately is a certain almost loss of my mom. I mean, she's still around, she hasn't died, and I haven't and won't cut contact. But I don't need to cut external contact, because I've cut off our relationship internally, for the most part. And it's been devastating.

For all that our relationship was a toxic abusive enmeshed disaster, I still loved her desperately, and she was still my mom. But as I've been working on recovering I've needed to separate myself from her, become my own person with boundaries, and because of who she is I can't do that and still have a mother left. She can't act maternally towards me without subsuming me, and I can't let her do that anymore. So I can't have a mom. When we talk these days mostly she honestly feels like some random woman who is vaguely intellectually connected to the mom I had in the past. She doesn't feel like a mother at all anymore, not even in the bad ways really. There's just...nothing there. It's not safe for there to be anything there.

I used to hold out hope that sometime in the distant future we'd be able to have an honest conversation about my childhood and our relationship, that she'd be able to hear my perspective and recognize me as an individual and have a healthier relationship with me. And I finally realized that that dream is impossible. It will never happen. She refuses to go back to therapy, she has no desire for introspection, every time I try to raise something she gaslights me, she feels too unsafe to risk vulnerability. It's just not going to happen. You can't buy oranges at the hardware store. I need to be a person, and because of her issues she can't be a mother to a separate person. And I've finally accepted that.

And I am left with such tremendous grief. I read a sentence earlier about someone calling their mom when they were upset in the middle of the night and thought, "I can't do that. I haven't been able to do that in years, and I never will again. I can't trust her with the truth of myself, with my vulnerabilities, with my feelings. She feels like a distant cousin, someone I can make small talk with at family events, not someone who raised me, who knows me, who I can share myself with. She will never be able to learn about the person I am becoming, and I will change more and more from the version of me in her head, and she will not see it. When I feel small and lonely and sad and sick and want a mom to take care of me, there is no one I can call. That does not exist any longer. I don't know that it ever truly did, but I used to have a facsimile of it, and now and forever more I won't have even that."

It is devastating, to realize and start accepting that I don't have a mom, not truly. It is excruciating. I didn't realize, when I started to become my own person and separate from her, that I would lose her like this. I feel in some ways like I didn't know what I was getting into when I started making certain types of progress towards healing, like I didn't give informed consent. I think that's been the hardest part. I was blindsided by this loss, didn't even realize it was happening until it was basically irreversible. I'd like to think that if I had known I would have made the same decisions, that healing and becoming my own person is worth this grief. But I didn't know I was making that choice, certainly not on a conscious level. And now it's done, and I can never go back.

I've been talking about this in therapy, the fact that I can never fully return to the state of person-less-ness I spent my childhood in. Even if I let myself become completely subsumed in someone else again, I would have memories of once being my own person. It would be different than the complete lack of selfhood and subjectivity I had as a child. And of course that's a good thing, of course I don't want to be only an object never a subject. But I didn't know what I'd be giving up, by doing this. I feel betrayed by my own healing. It hurts. It really, really hurts.

[chronofluff]

drew that fuckass rat again. go my riffrat (but literally)

[nighhtwing]

i wonder what minimum wage is in gotham