#(lying this fucking sucks)
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i read homeland and this is mostly the impression i got
#it's really excellent he is just obsessed w that fucking cat#potent horsegirl energies#rip drizzt do'urden you would have fucking loved warrior cats#literally two thirds of the way through the book and we just grind to a complete halt so he can spend two pages writing soulful poetry#about how beautiful this panther is and how she's so good and pure and the only being in the world that truly understands him. oh my god#i actually read exile as well sorry for lying to you#i haven't got my hands on sojourn yet because they don't have it at my local libraries sooo i just bought it. and now i'm waiting#for it to arrive sitting at the door like a dog#he's so babygirl to me i'm obsessed#i can't wait to read the rest of the books and be disappointed because they probably suck LMFAO#i haven't read any books where catti brie appears yet since i've only read 2 but#i know of her. and a lot of other lod characters#absorbed through dnd cultural osmosis and the fact that i keep reading pages on the forgotten realms wiki that i shouldn't be reading#smiles#anyway#yeah#legend of drizzt#lod#drizzt do'urden#guenhwyvar#forgotten realms#dinin do'urden#catti-brie battlehammer
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I found someone who's gonna talk with me about about G Dragon 24/7 😭 She was so close this whole damn time, she's my bestie's friend. We've already talked for like 3 hours and she's fed me 26$72872819 pics of soft goofy GD I wanna cry





#I'm not lying i can sell my soul for nowadays GD he's just too damn good#i love the goofy man okay#she was like “sending a video from TikTok talking about how people now make fun of him calling him a freak when back in the days everything#anyone could do to him is literally suck his dick lmao#and i just metally looked her in the eyes and typed#i actually fell in love with this mama dorky g dragon not the young one lmao#no making fun of him only staning the og#idk he has some absolutely incredible power over me being this cute and soft as he is right now#and fuck the wrong blog agggaaaaaaaainnnn 😭😭😭#and I'm too sleepy to type this all again on the right blog so idc#bare with me being pathetic asf#gdragon#g dragon#kwon jiyong#bigbang
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queers them into oblivion
#okay i'll stop now haha#snailsstuff#lu#linked universe#lu wind#lu warriors#lu four#lu legend#lu hyrule#lu time#lu twilight#lu wild#lu sky#fanart#art#with this art I can now move on from the whole thing#(lying this fucking sucks)
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loveless aspd culture is always freezing up when youre asked what you like about someone you know and just giving a two word response like “theyre funny” or “theyre nice” because you genuinely cannot answer the question
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#cluster b culture is#aspd culture is#loveless aspd culture is#cluster b#aspd#Mod Reef#anonymous#oh Fuck mood#and then no matter how many times we tried to explain our difficulties to our [ex] partner at the time#they would continuously take our inability to explain why we enjoyed their presence as a personal insult and to mean that we didn't--#--Actually like them no matter how far that was from the truth (since they were both an exception & a safe person (AvPD))#literally nothing we did could help us escape the fact that at any given moment they could suddenly decide that our struggles meant we were#--lying about caring for them them. Fucking Sucked
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Regular reminder that sudden and severe weight loss is a pretty serious sign that something is very, very wrong
#weight#weight loss#brought to you by the realisation today that my hips are currently smaller than my fucking waist usually is#it’s summer and i’ve been walking the hill a lil more but damn that’s not fucking good#and before anyone even THINKS ‘i wish i had this problem’ i guarantee you do not#cuz it comes from 2 hour bathroom trips that are screamingly painful#and the arbitrary inability to eat literally anything#which often crops up right before i sit down to eat something#and i mean i can wait it out and eat late but it’s really goddamn annoying#and none of my goddamn clothes fit AGAIN i’m way out of even my smallest stuff#my broke ass is not buying new shit and if i make any cosplay to fit me now it’ll be way too small when i’m back in remission 😤#gotta get the goddamn meal replacement shakes again and see if i can process those#they are GROSS#gym bros are lying to you#they all suck#and i need to do em along with regular meals cuz i’m not gonna get enough from either#luckily i also have chronically low blood pressure so frenchfries are medicinal on both levels#this may also explain my resting heartrate being around 120bpm in my opinion#but no one’s ever really discussed it
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Also it's still very funny to me when I say "I like Rings of Power" and someone sees it and says I'm not a true fan of Tolkien's works and must not know anything about his writing and then I post a picture of my bookshelf. Never gets old.
#Like yeah dogs are my special interest but also#This is OG special interest#Literally the reason I'm on the internet in the first place is because I joined lotr fan forums when I was 12#Lying about being 13#No one at my school liked it but plenty of strangers on the internet were happy to talk incessantly with me about the color of legolas' hai#Or whether or not the eagles could have flown them to mordor#Who else would have giggled with me about that 15 minute long gif of boromir talking about walking into mordor#I've been here for twenty damn years and I will not be chased off by some jerks who think they're better than anyone else#Because they've been sucking the toes of PJ and WB#I was there Gandalf#I was there when you were a loser if you admitted to liking the movies#It's the same arguments recycled again and again#Meanwhile I'm the omg two cakes guy#Omg more Tolkien stuff??? Sign me the fuck up I'm always willing to go back to middle earth wym you don't like it
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Ethel Cain was right. It's just not my year.
#personal#But I'm all good out here. (lying)#This year has sucked so fucking bad for me. Up there with 2016 and 2020 already for me.#And it's not even done yet... 🤪
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I forgot to update but my boy is done and he is beautiful

#so sadly i suck at taking photos#and this fucking monstrosity is too big for me to take a picture of it anywhere#its hard to get the entire blanket in picture so yall just get to see like the main bit#it should be queen sized i havent measured it but the plan was for it to be like 80x80 ish#im now obsessed with tapestry crochet and want to do much smaller projects#im never making that big of blanket again#im lying to you and myself when i say that#im a bit proud of this one actually it only took me like 3-4ish months to get this done#adventure time#crochet#if i had a penny for every time i stress finish a gift on Christmas eve i would have 3 cents its not alot but its strange to happen 3 times#i have my heart set on making s tapestry of a junji ito picture for the back of a cardigan but i need a break from bigger things
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Today has been one of those "Sorry! I couldn't hear you over the texture of my socks" days.
#autistic#actually autistic#audhd#it's so embarrassing!!!#like yes i care and yes i was listening but also no i have no idea what you just said#getting diagnosed gave me permission to admit what's REALLY wrong and also do shit outside social norms to make it suck less#but it also makes me look “weird” to non autistic people (and past me who wasn't diagnosed til my 30s)#I can remember past me saying that I couldn't be autistic because I don't do [thing] (I was powering through and suffering)#It's like... I have a mild allergy to a couple foods but didn't know for YEARS so I'd eat whatever and either suffer or take benadryl#then well into adulthood one of my friends was listening and was like DUDE YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO THAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME!???#doctor had me change my diet DRASTICALLY but the constant itchiness and sore throat and stomach pain went away#but sometimes people act weird or put out when I ask questions or refuse food#sometimes people lie and say a food is safe when it's SUPER not and then I'm having an allergic reaction on the way home#my body is permanently damaged because of decades of trying to eat like everybody else#meanwhile my mental health took that hit from decades of trying to ACT like everybody else#I'm sooo much happier now with my safe foods and silly fidgets and good textures AND I can live an active life!#but sometimes people give me funny looks when I ask for the grill to be cleaned or don't like a new shirt because it makes me anxious#hell the other day a dude gave me a weird look (and I overheard shit they said) because I HAPPY STIMMED at Hot Topic (Hazbin merch)#meanwhile my friends love my stimming because its the “Jamie barometer”#my (best friend's) mom says the biggest compliment to her cooking is when she can hear me foot tapping under the table#so... yeah#a diagnosis is permission to be me and have a better life at the cost of dealing with assholes because I'm not masking or lying anymore#bluewind talks#holy journal entry batman!#did NOT intend the tags to turn into... whatever the fuck this is XD#but if for some reason you read this far? I hope you found something in it that made you think or made you smile (if not hi anyway! ^_^)
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?
No- beauty is in the EYE of the BEHOLDING.
Also an alt. version based off of that one image. You know the one.
And the reference I used as well!

#This is my first like. actual colored piece of elias#and MAN do i like it#like. haha heyy Elias Bouchard head of the magnus institute... i heard you recently got divorced again...#this guy fucking sucks. im so in love with him#as i said to my friends; 'he's my favorite 50-something year old man. sorry dad'#art#artists on tumblr#digital artist#my art#the magnus archives#tma#the magnus archives fanart#tma fanart#elias bouchard#elias bouchard fanart#do i tag the beholding in this post?#i think i tag the beholding in this post.#the eye#the beholding#the ceaseless watcher#btw sorry for lying to you guys in the 'Wish you were here!' post. i never hated elias.#you could say that i. that im.#that im sorry for the decepti-#[gets brutally pipe murdered]
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Sending an apology email like "sorry I fucked up! It will happen again because I suck :)"
#except i can't say that. so the actual email is 'sorry i fucked up! it won't happen again (<- lying bc i suck)'#i hate emails. have i mentioned that i hate emails
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ok my OTHER reflection:
on the one hand its really frustrating to see the posts about docs and healthcare in general on here be so narrow-minded. bad experiences with certain providers have lead to a huge spread of misinformation and mistrust with the whole system. which can and HAS lead to people avoiding 'evil' doctors for perfectly treatable illnesses and dying from them (the vaccine bullshit, anyone?)
but on the other hand. it is TERRIFYING how some of these docs practice medicine. at times i think 'are you just burned out and don't give a shit or are you straight up just stupid?' and i work in critical care. where quite literally every case is life or death. even in the academic sector where there is supposedly a standard of excellence, some doctors i would not let touch my loved ones with a ten foot pole.
and that sucks. i know this is the no nuance piss on the poor webbed site but 'the medical system and people that work for it are fallible and aspects of it are morally questionable at best/unethical at worst' AND 'the field of medicine exists to help people first and foremost and mistrusting/avoiding it can be detrimental in the long run' can and DO co-exist
#also. folks i hate to tell you but 'doctors get big pharma kickbacks and they can cure you but just choose not to to get more money'#is a very tempting conspiracy theory. but it is SO UNTRUE.#hey listen. if someone is telling you they can 'cure' your disease magically if you just take x vitamin THEY ARE LYING#even miraculous cures like bone marrow transplants for autoimmune disease and CAR-T therapy#have such severe side-effects that they quite literally kill you#i can't tell you how many times i've taken care of people who#had their cancer 'cured' but the treatment ruined their kidneys/heart/lungs#or fucked their immune system so bad that a common bacteria could completely take them out#anyone selling you miracles is L Y I N G#i understand that a lot of this anger is around disability and chronic illness and psych and i get that. intimately.#its 100% accurate to say that a patient who researched independently about ehlers-danlos or POTS knows more about it than i do.#and its hard to see the profession as 'people who sincerely ARE trying to help' when you actively work with people who fucking suck#and you think like 'you went to school. you went through all this training. you (presumably) passed boards'#we should have at least around the same level of knowledge#but that is often not the case#still#making large scale statements about an entire profession (especially when its supposed to be a civic service) is just... not good#my two cents rec for this is:#if you think you have something rare or unusual try to find a doc that specialized in this i.e. go to an academic center.#trainees are less set in their ways and can think outside the box PLUS if there are new/innovative treatments they would have them#if you need pretty much ANY surgery. private is the way to go#you want surgeons with high volume and experience#surgical techniques do not change on the dime. most havent changed in 50+ years. a lot of other medicine DOES#(this of course does not apply to specialized surgeries like whipple or PTE or schwannoma resection - go to academics for that)#if its REALLY rare whether medical or surgical your GP will not know what to do with you#academic centers are referral centers. they are more likely to have the right tools to diagnose/treat#where was i going with this?#oh yeah i had an odd interaction with an ED doc admitting to me last night that was NOT practicing within current standard of care#and was just so casual and assured i started to doubt MYself. like. am I the crazy one?!?!#like i'm young i dont know everything SURE
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drew that fuckass rat again. go my riffrat (but literally)
#doodle world#riffraff doodle world#ratted him#fuck this rat fuck#I hate him so much#I’m lying#but ouygghhr ghhrhr#you suck so bad riffraff
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a strange trend in my favorite characters I realize is that I tend to heavily gravitate toward somewhat obscure, antagonistic forces
#shoutout to the multiple months when I was young when I was obsessed with flatwoman#‘who the fuck is flatwoman’ heh. well. you ever watch the pbs kids show peg + cat?#she appeared in like two episodes and let’s just say. I would’ve died for her as a kid#and yup ok you guessed it this trend continued with my boy pumpkin daddy#what thehell is wrong with that guy and more important question why is he my absolute favorite character of all time#I’m not even talking strictly about PDBC here alright? in that I have full control over him#in ROOTS? oh boy unstoppable force of nature someone Actually euthanize him or something he’s going to commit heinous crimes if left alone#he’s So bizarre mind if I just talk about that before going back to sleep? his morals are all over the place#‘this poor abandoned child. her mother should be ashamed of doing this to her. anyway let’s kidnap her for money’#and then he fucking pretends that he didn’t remember that happening#not that it DIDNT happen but that he just doesn’t remember it??.okay go off king??#at this point I don’t even know if he was lying he might just have Alzheimer’s or something he’s gettin kinda old#also Alzheimer’s is the worst word ever I have to look it up to spell it every time ffs so annoying#also worth mentioning that he almost got himself killed in a pursuit of someone’s money#and then not even a YEAR later he was back at it again trying to scam the SAME people lol GIVE IT A REST#I didn’t type lol this is travesty istg I didn’t type lol there there’s a lol ghost on the loose#he needs to be put down or something#and why the hell is he actually one of the nicest parents like huh?..?man what??#yeah this is my little science experiment I made solely for money. i love her she’s beautiful she’s awesome#my brother in Christ pick a side are you horrible or not#ok also wait that reminds me. it was unintentionally implied that he wasn’t evil once#I won’t go into it for the sake of time but. raises eyebrow. what the hell do you mean#at least I think it was unintentional. it’s still weird to me and I never bothered asking#anyway I should probably go back to sleep I have n appointment in like. two hours. sigh#yayyyy I love characters who suck!!! 🥰🥰🥰 pop off you asshole king and or queen
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if I was prime minister I would make last laugh by ceechynaa the national anthem and then I would make fredos 10p
#ALL YOU DO IS CHILL ON YOUR BLOCK SMOKE WEED AP ABOUT OPS THAT YOU DONT EVEN HAVE THESE BITCH BOYS COME TO NEEKYN#LYING ON A BITCH THAT THEY CANT EVEN HAVE I SAID SUCK MY PUSSY THE FUCK ARE YOU TAKING YOUR DICK OUT YOUR PANTS LIKE BITCH THAT WASNT APART#OF THE FUCKING PLAN#ceechynaa for life#is this relatable#ALSO#inflation has been madness lately#tell me why sourpatch kids are 1 pound 50#TELL ME WHY#yk wjay tho its fine#tesco club card comes in clutch#jess yaps。*♡
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