#(listen i will take it to a professional if i buy it i promise)

[ohhgingersnaps]

googling "can i repair a mechanical watch myself" knowing full well that the answer is "no for the love of all that is holy please take it to a real watchmaker"

[particular-one]

my ivy grows — and now i’m covered in you.

synopsis. you just opened your humble floral shop in the neighborhood and it has quickly become your biggest pride and joy. what you hadn’t anticipated was garnering the affection of a customer that had caught your eye. [modern au] characters. march 7th, dan heng, gepard, jing yuan, blade, luocha x gn!reader (separate) author’s note. two posts from carlyle in less than 24 hrs??? and a fluff post at that??? i’m finally back with my laptop 💖 this idea was prompted cz i stumbled across way too many flower shops/stalls during my trip and now i’m daydreaming about receiving one someday too :’) enjoy!

march 7th had been looking for inspiration for her photography hobby when she stumbled across your shop. she was fascinated with how you decorated your shop, but moreso of you. she had observed you work inside the shop, sometimes going inside to buy something and chat with you, until she had a big idea. the following day, she actually summoned the courage to ask you to be the subject of her photographs in exchange for professional photos of your shop. the both of you went around the neighborhood and march kept taking candid pictures of you wherever you were for the rest of the day. you ended the day with march promising to take the photos of your flowers for you, and you were very happy with the results. you joked how the day felt like a date more than a favor, just as when march actually held up a flower she had swiped from your basket since the morning and handed it to you, asking if you had wanted to do this again but like, an official date this time.

dan heng entered your shop one fateful day, and you just fell for him way harder than you imagined. maybe it was because it was a hot day, maybe it was because he entered your shop when you had just tended to romantic couple after couple. you made lots of arrangements in the past, but preparing his was utterly nerve-wracking — especially when you could feel his eyes on you that it had made you really, really self-conscious. he thanked you, but before he left, you gave him a small carnation flower, hoping he wouldn’t ask for its meaning, and before he could ask even further, you moved on to the next customer. somehow, dan heng continuously came back to request and pick up orders, becoming one of your most loyal customers, and you never failed to give him a small carnation. though, you hadn’t anticipated that one rainy day, he was soaked wet but rushed into your flower shop. he looked incredibly red with something big that he hid behind him. unbeknownst to you, he kept every single carnation you gave him and preserved it in his journal, before he had the bright idea to search what it meant — before you could come up with an excuse, dan heng held up the bouquet of carnations that he painstakingly arranged himself for you.

gepard actually entered your shop looking for flowers to give to his sister for her first sold out concert. yours just happened to be near where she was performing, but upon seeing you, he was definitely whipped and oh-so-infatuated with you. it was a struggle for him to not constantly blush when he tried talking to you, but he earnestly listened when you gave suggestions on what flowers to give his sister. you prepared him a special bouquet to hand to your sister, and off he went. days passed, before a blonde haired lady asked for you. she introduced herself as serval, who you remembered as gepard’s sister. she liked your flowers a lot that she went back to pick up another one, but she also mentioned how much gepard wouldn’t stop talking about you— just as gepard went inside to try and stop her. you were really flustered about that, but gepard even more. he apologized consistently for his sister’s brazenness, but you told him that it was all good — and that you enjoyed that he enjoyed listening to you ramble. from then, gepard consistently visited your shop, sometimes to pick up flowers for his sister but most, if not all the time, he was there to see you and build that courage to ask you out.

jing yuan didn’t really go around your neighborhood frequently, nor did he take leisure walks that often. he was a really busy man engaged in a lot of corporate work, but an accidental free day drove him to stumble across your flower shop, which he could smell from a mile away. you had eagerly engaged with him when he asked you about your humble stall, you rambling about how much this whole shop meant to you. he watched as you transacted with customers, and though you were a little unnerved that he was simply watching you, you just allowed it. jing yuan found your charm quite endearing, that he lost track of time and in no time, the day was spent and you were about to close up. as jing yuan helped you move the remaining empty boxes, when he suddenly asked you what your favorite flower was. confused, you answered his question, to which he replied if he could make a special request for a bouquet of your favorite flowers. you quickly made his order and handed it to him but before that, jing yuan asked if you could write a note on the bouquet — “would you like to go out sometime, y/n?”

blade was someone you saw pop up inside your flower shop but each time you tried to interact with him, he left almost immediately. you were pretty much determined to find out what he wanted, that you carefully planned out and observed how he was inside your shop. when you finally were able to ambush talk to him, that was when you recognised him. he was your childhood friend back in high school that you had lost contact with when he moved away all of a sudden. you were surprised that he still remembered you, but he instead looked really bashful about it — he never exactly forgot you — a sight you never thought you’d ever correlate to the blade you knew. he had initially simply wanted to observe you from afar, thinking that he had no right to barge into your life after he disappeared without a warning, but you were easy to dismiss this and how much you missed him. you gave him the key to your shop and offered to stay around for the time being if he had nothing to do. at first, blade was hesitant in accepting your offer reciprocating to your warm gestures, but getting to spend all that lost time with you was enough to thaw that cold heart of his from icing you out like he did in the past. one day, you were surprised to see a paper flower folded neatly on top of the counter when you first opened the store in the morning, but there was probably only one person who would have the key and be responsible for this.

luocha was actually one of the more… interesting customers you had. one day, you just found him mumbling some incoherent gibberish that honestly scared you. you may have contemplated on calling for help, but instead, you asked if he needed any help. luocha smiled at you, before shaking his head. you went back to work, but moments later, he called for your help — he requested if you can point at your flowers and he’d mention it’s scientific name. gathering from your obviously puzzled expression, luocha just laughed and said that he was studying botany, but more on the scientific side — so that was the gibberish he was speaking. clearly you never listened in biology. it became a funny side activity that you did with luocha whenever he came by. one time, he came by with a red rose in his hand. he asked if you knew what this meant, and you had initially answered him it’s scientific name, which made him laugh. as you were about to go on, he cut you short by answering that it actually just meant his affection for you.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[elvestoneanzelote1]

I just come up with a great idea and I like it so much smh 😭

Can you do a yandere Atsushi and yandere Dazai (separately) with a reader who really have low self-esteem? It's so low to the point that even if you call them a b-word, degrading them and they would go "Oh thank you so much for wasting your time on taking care of sth like me!" with a happy face.

Surprisingly, the reader also know about that and used it to their advantage, would even victimized themselves just to get what they want.

They would be very caring towards Atsushi and manipulate (bribe, promise, not breaking his mind even more) him into doing what they want without question asked (not like he would anyway) but with Dazai, they would like to see how pathetic he is for wanting their affection, knowing they are the only one could make him gets on his knees and begs that he would be a good pet for them.

Yea, the reader can be a low self-esteem person but also can be a meanie if they want to, but only to their yanderes tho (especially those who that are hard to break like Dazai, Mori, Ranpo,... With those who are easy to break, they would just manipulate them and giving loves)

I want to see this type of reader sometimes but there aren't many, you're my last hope for my fantasy! 😭

This is my first time requesting this so I'm so nervous omg 💀

Oh and, you can call me Ry.

𝙰:𝚗- 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚁𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚏 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜.

𝙴𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎 𝚘𝚛 𝚗𝚘𝚝.

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚕𝚞𝚍𝚎: 𝚍𝚊𝚣𝚊𝚒, 𝙰𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚜𝚑𝚒 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚔𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚔𝚒𝚍𝚊.

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚐𝚊𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝙼𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚈/𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚖.

.

.

𝘋𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪 𝘖𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘶.

The only reason how even does Dazai find you appealing is a question itself. Don't get him wrong he love you a lot but.

Your low self esteems and often shyness and couldn't even take a single insult make him wonder why he choose to be with you.

You are indeed a kind women who listen to him and indeed you were there with him when he quit Port Mafia.

He met you during his stay in underground.

Perhaps fate.

But he is still cautious of his words approaching you was an attempt.

A very hard attempt.

As you often be surrounded by people.

But one time he realise his mistake when he got angry at you.

As you mistakenly tied his bandages in wrong shape.

He won't be mad at you for silly reason but he was as his mood was already ruin by the people.

Your eyes were watery as you gaze to the ground avoiding to stare at him.

"I guess you are... Right I am a failure.. A b*tch" you muttered walking away with drag feet.

As much as he was angry he doesn't want you to leave him.

Your the only company he tolerates and somehow you care for him. Maybe you care for the others too.

He was the one who used two years of his and yours to lurred you to follow him.

Yes you are indeed a professional at finding and erasing people records. And no it wasn't your ability but purely skill.

I guess that's also a reason he feel connected to you.

He pampered you with hugs which you never ask but you comply so that you can get what you want.

He buy things for you... Well Kunikida money was at stake too.

He buy the new bag you often shyly mentions.

He knew somehow you want him to comply on your wishes which is why he call you.

"A cheeky chipmunk with greed like an elephant"

You negatively took it.

Yet he didn't bother to console you and only said it was the truth.

Somehow with his sarcasm you eventually somehow got used to it somehow.

But... He is seriously protective of you. Especially as you do not have an ability he prefer you to be on sideline.

He does get jealous when Ranpo and you talk to each other more.

Both of you were a sweet fan

And Ranpo fondness towards you for having no ability but pure skill make him praise you.

Dazai is the one drag you away from Ranpo who often get confused of why yet Yosano mention jealousy which Ranpo was more confused.

Dazai will make sure you spend less time with the others and only focus on him in exchange of your sly demands on things.

He cannot make you leave him right? Of course if you does so... He will make sure the same imply to you that... You only rely on him and only him.

.

.

𝘕𝘢𝘬𝘢𝘫𝘪𝘮𝘢 𝘈𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘪.

At first he really admired you from afar.

You the lady who eventually gave him a bread when he was starving on the outside world.

Your gently smile and kindness make him fall for you as he met you again during the Agency time.

You recognise him, oh how happy he was.

He blindly ignore you trying to get information from him about the agency.

He smile at you making you annoyed but you were patient to fulfil your mission and the thought to end him often linger onto you.

As money problem is the reason why you even work for the other group.

But when they insulted you for been weakass and couldn't take out a single useful info about agency. Unaware Atsushi stalk you so that you will be safe that day.

But his anger boil when he saw you cry.

"Repeat it! You are a whore who cannot do anything! Right"

"...I am a who-" before you uttered that word right in your eyes in split seconds the senior of yours was cut to half.

There stay a full transformed tiger as you fall on your kness afraid.

Yet the tiger ate those people as the whole group was eaten only some blood splattered on the floor most were droplets of blood.

"D-dont kill me, I-I am just a-"

"Y/n" said the tiger as your eyes widen when it detransformed back to a human.

You feel yourself vomiting out as you realise Atsushi ate away your colleagues those who pay you.

The blood beside his lips make you back away in fear.

Before you beg for his mercy he hugged you dearly.

Then it click to your mind and you happily agreed to be with him as you would rather prefer a home then leave in streets pretending to be a noble women who is kind and give bread to others but eventually you are starving more then them

A grave mistake on your part even if he gave it all to you as much as he could.

You never able to leave his sight ever again.

.

.

.

𝘒𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘢 𝘋𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘰.

He couldn't even uttered a word to you. You often lose your cool.

You were a teacher like him, a substitute teacher whereas he teaches math you teaches English.

Your self esteem was so low that you came crying when the kids eventually throw papers at you and make fun of you.

He was the one who scared them all for you.

Now that he thinks about he misses you a lot.

But that thought vanish when he saw you out in a park.

People were shock as the guy slapped you across your face.

As tears fall from your eyes as you gripped your bag tightly.

"What a moron can't even bear a single slap" said the other women as the guy cooed at his women while you were a victim of embarrassment.

"What's going on?" Asked Kunikida who approach the scene as The other women point a finger on you.

"She was begging my boyfriend to be hers! Even if she knew I was his girlfriend"

As people muttered how disgusting you were to eyed another man as Kunikida let out a sighed and slapped the women like how the man slapped you.

Your eyes widen as you finally look up to see Kunikida and the man anger.

"How dare you hurt my girlfriend!?"

"These lady here is the side women who stole y/n the victim here boyfriend more likely they both used her. She was a good friend of this women who seduced the boyfriend a vile women"

"I'm not! What proofed-"

Kunikida simply played a voice recorder where they mention about the money you gave to your boyfriend for his business.

Kind you were only to help your boyfriend.

He eventually arrest them both for manipulating you and taking your money.

People gasped in shock as they eventually start pointing the other two for such audacity to victimised a victim as the fault.

Kunikida approach you with the money.

"Here... You alright y/n?"

"Y-yeah thank you..." You said as you gently smile a bit.

He was worried as you were in questioning term how he knows about you and the whole affair thing.

And when did he record it. (Thanks to Katai).

He have been looking out for you some weeks now.

"Thanks again... Umm..."

He was disappointed by your confused face.

"Kunikida Doppo"

"Ah! The colleague!"

"Y-yeah" he muttered as he blush away by your happy smiled.

He couldn't help but feel happy to meet you again.

All this time he realise you were indeed an ideal match for him.

But sometimes he is concern of your low self-esteem as you often kick out of job because of that.

"Live in with me then"

"Huh?"

"I know it is not idealistic but... I want you to live with me I will take care of money as you can work at my apartment that way no worries for money and rent as you can repay-"

You hugged him happily in joy. Oh how glad you were to bring it up.

Kunikida couldn't help but be flustered.

But you knew you couldn't get what you want on things of sort after all... Kunikida will and make you an ideal women of his.

Despite you trying to refuse but somehow you knew... Instead of you manipulating him he is the one gaslight you intot submission.

People assume you both as green flag perhaps you were but... The saying goes two red flags make it green.

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A:n- that is all good day/night to all!

[asgardianangel]

can we get a oneshot where you have a one-night stand with Sleazy Saul and accidentally end up pregnant and tell him, only for him to be over the moon and wanting you to be his stay at home trophy wife, all according to his plan of “accidentally” knocking you up

I’m on my period and thirsty for Sleazy Saul 😭

A beautiful thing (Saul Goodman X Fem!Reader)

Warnings: 18+ Smut, Saul being sleazy, age gap, naive reader, rough sex, breeding kink, forced pregnancy

It was a rainy night in Alburquerque, and the bell of the pharmacy door jingled. Tireless you stepped inside and searched aisle after aisle finally you came across what you were looking for...pregnancy tests. 

Signs were small at first nausea and feeling fatigue but then you missed your period. You just had to make sure. Picking up multiple tests even different brands you walked up to the counter. 

Back at your apartment you found yourself in the bathroom waiting for the results. It felt like an hour had past and you felt more anxious by the second. Then the result became clear. 

Positive. 

You decided to take another and then another test. All came back with the same result. You were pregnant. Having a baby was something you expected in life but not now, you weren’t financially stable enough to raise a child. Barely getting by with the bills. 

But then you realised something else. Who you had slept with to get yourself in this situation.  

Saul Goodman. The big-time criminal lawyer. 

- 

You thoughted back to that night as you worked your desk job in court filing paperwork for upcoming trials and whatnot. There you met him. Saul was famously known to be ‘sleazy’ but that didn’t stop you from blushing at each comment he made towards you. 

 The older man you secretly loved getting the attention from. He was so desperate to get you out the professional secretary space. 

‘C’mon doll let’s go out for dinner I know the perfect place’ 

Giving you gifts of flowers and small adorable stuffed animals to place on your desk. You found the gestures to be sweet. 

‘Please just one little drink together’ he begged leaning over your desk like a schoolgirl with a crush. Never has a man been so desperate. 

Until one late afternoon you gave in, and his blue eyes beamed like a puppy dog. He invited you out to a quiet dim lit bar with the promise of buying you ‘as many drinks as possible’ Saul was a charmer who showed interest in every detail about your life with his eyes occasional wondering your body. 

He made sure to compliment you throughout the night and it progressed into more lustful pace. Saul bit his lip as you reacted with a blush and a little look away. 

‘What? Has no one ever told you how absolutely beautiful your body is?’ he questioned causing you to laugh.  

‘You are the most stunning woman I’ve ever met, and God damn that ass kills me every time I see it’ you listened to him going on and on about your ass all night.  

The thought of having a little fling with the one and only Saul Goodman excited you. Yet the idea was little off putting at first considering if your co-workers found out you would probably be slut shamed for going with the sleaziest lawyer around.  

But at the end of the night, you didn’t care. You needed to let loose every once and while. 

Pulling Saul by his green patterned tie as you lead him inside your cosy little apartment was how it started. Hands roaming around your body you stared at him with utter desire unbuttoning his shirt slowly. 

Saul whispered sweet nothings into your ear as he left vibrant love bites on your neck. His touches were soft as if he was taking his time kissing everywhere on your body as he stripped you bare.  

Only when you finally made it to your bedroom his desperate and eager manner ramped up again. He pushed you to your bed causing you to gasp in surprise as he climbed up on top of you. His cock was so hard already as he kissed and licked your tits. ‘Can’t believe I can finally see what these babies looked like’ he groaned playing with them. 

The mixture of the alcohol and pure passion caused you to beg him like a slut. Moaning his name over and over as he now played between your legs. Making sure you were ready for him. Delving his long fingers inside you as his tongue followed along. Legs quivered he was so close to making you cum but suddenly stopped when you almost reached that sweet climax. 

 You whined and he chuckled pecking kisses on your thighs. ‘P-please Saul I need t-’ you tried to say but was cut off by a harsh slap to your behind. 

‘You made me wait so long baby I wanted you the day that I saw you’ the older man muttered in your ear with slight annoyance. You gave him a kiss of forgiveness to which he grabs your chin by force and makes you take his tongue  

‘So, you are gonna cum when I say so sweet face’ he told you kissing you some more. His hand moved up and down on his thick cock as you watched in a trance. Fuck... you wanted him inside you so bad. 

‘Ass up sweetheart’ he ordered as if your pray was answered. You sighed as you throbbed at just the tone of his command turning onto your tummy and lifting yourself up in presentation. Saul hummed at the act smoothing his hand along your ass. 

‘I-I almost forgot to ask do you have any protection?’ you questioned quietly. You were on the pill but liked to be extra safe.  

‘No’ he simply responded wrapping his arm around your waist prepping kisses on your back. ‘Well, I guess you could p-’ he stopped you there with an annoyed hush sound. 

‘Oh, sweetheart I can cum in you if I want’ he whispered in a chuckle. ‘Aren’t you not on the pill?’ he then asked.  

‘Yes-ah!’ he cut you off again this time slamming into you causing you to gasp and moan. Saul’s arm wrapped tighter around you as he slammed into you again with a groan. 

‘Oh, doll you belong to me uh’ he tells you with another groan into your ear. His thick cock dived so deep inside you that you could only whimper at his words. Saul picked up a fast pace, but his thrusts were deep into you as he kept you in your place. 

Your small bed was jolting hard against the wall with his eager movements. As words of possessiveness and moans bounced off the walls.  

You cried out his name as his strong arm kept you falling onto the roughed-up sheets with your face. You had never had such a good fuck before you were kind of worried you become addicted to him. 

His thick cock stretched you so well kissing those sweet spots as Saul occasionally whimpered. 

You could hear him groan quietly something to himself but couldn’t exactly work out what it was. 

 His cock was throbbing hard within you ‘such a good girl hm’ Saul then chanted over and over as you felt the both of you becoming close to that climax. 

‘Beg me to cum inside you doll let’s make something beautiful’ he ordered but you didn’t quite think about what he meant by that. All that matter is that orgasm you have long waited for. 

‘Please c-cum in me please ah!’ you cried as his long fingers rubbed on your poor clit along with his harsh thrusts. 

‘that’s its baby cum with me c’mon y-you can do it’ he encouraged with a deep groan. He didn’t need to tell you twice as your entire body shook and you squeezed his cock so intensely. His thick load shot inside you coating your insides as you sighed in relief. 

He stayed inside you holding your body close to his resting his head on your back. You thought he would get off you and the night would end...but no 

Saul was insatiable he had you again and again in many positions like the man was possessed. 

And you now ended up pregnant. 

Sighing you held your head not sure what to do you were going have to confront him and figure out what you were going to do. Yes, you wanted a precious little baby, but you imagined having one in a stable healthy relationship not by a one-night stand with a big-time criminal lawyer. You couldn’t imagine him stepping up to become a father.  

There it was his office you parked in front of it deep in thought. How was he going to react? Would he send you straight to the unplanned clinic? Saul was a reasonable man you were sure at least he would do is have an in-depth discussion about it. 

Stepping inside the building you instantly noticed how busy it was. You should have called beforehand. Maybe you were too nervous to do so. A dark-haired woman looked up from her paperwork to see you awkwardly standing there. “Can I help you?” she asked. 

“I’m here to see M-Mr Goodman” you stuttered slightly. Nerves started to play. 

The woman huffed “Well your gonna be here for a while” Gesturing to all the clients with her pen. 

Nodding “It’s fine I’ll wait” you mumbled leaning against the wall.  

It felt as if hours as passed by when you finally heard his voice. 

“Who’s next for some excellent legal advice?” He asked his blue eyes scanning the waiting room. Then they fell upon you. 

“Ah Y/N look time no see” he beamed, and you smiled at him. God this is going to be one hell of a talk. Saul gestured you into his office and shut the door.  

Silence followed for a moment until he clapped his hand “So?” he started pulling out a chair “what can I do for you?” he questioned softly as you took a seat. 

You took a deep breath and started talking “well just to be clear I’m here on personally matters” you state quietly.  

Saul hums in a chuckle “Oh back for round two huh?” A part of you wishes heavily for that was the case. This man is always so horny. 

“There’s no simple way to put it-” Saul cuts your words. “Sweetheart you can tell me anything” he assures you getting up from his chair and walking behind you. 

You sigh softly as he begins to massage your shoulders in comfort. “c’mon tell me” He encourages. 

“I’m pregnant”  

Those two words left your mouth and Saul’s eyes grew wide. You weren’t exactly sure how what to make of it “Really?” he asked in a weirdly excited tone. 

You nod your head in confirmation, and he made a desperate move to give you a long kiss to the lips. The older man steps back and you gave him a confused look. 

“You are not unhappy or shocked at the news?” You questioned lightly and he just chuckles. 

“Quite the opposite extremely happy and surprised” he tells you with another kiss.  

“Stand up” Saul grabs your hand helping you up to your feet. He then places both hands to your body almost like he’s checking you out for approval. 

“Oh, baby you are gonna look even more stunning” he muses his hands feeling your body and then rests upon your tummy. Like you were already showing. 

“Gonna be such a beautiful mama” Saul’s hand reaches under your shirt on your bare skin. “I’m just imagining it now you all big and swollen with such a precious thing we created” Saul was over the moon. 

You just stood there confused of his reaction as he whispered to himself. 

“Can’t believe I’m going to be a papa” 

“I wonder what we are going to name you” 

“You are going to have an amazing life kid with a mama and papa who love you” 

All the words and phrases you never actually believed you would hear from a man like him.  

“Stay with me doll I will take care of the both of you” Saul promised softly. You didn’t know how to respond to that.  

A wild one-night stand (and probably the best sex you ever had) and all the sudden the famous criminal lawyer wants to be a family man. 

“I know how it is but trust me all I’ve ever wanted the most was a family.” he tells you. Stepping back, you give yourself some space. 

Saul reaches for his phone income button “Cancel and reschedule my appointments for the next hour Francisca” he excitedly ordered. 

Saul stares over at you with a grin and the look in his deep blue eyes you recognised from that night. Walking over to you again he strokes your hair “I think my future wife and I are in some desperate need of alone time” his voice deepens seductively.  

He didn’t give you a chance to speak as his head was suddenly between your trembling thighs again. 

From then on Saul made in clear how your life was going to head. Plans of marriage parenthood and ultimately being his beloved housewife. You expressed concern how fast it was all going but he never took ‘no’ for an answer. 

The sex was still amazing as ever, but it never distracted you on how much he controlled your life. The man was insatiable as ever having you in every position possible. Saul was never tired from working in fact he was desperate to see you in his bed. His perfect and pretty little housewife carrying his child.  

“Everything has to be right sweet face” he would tell you. 

But you would never find out the truth.  

A pharmacist named Daniel Wormald (aka peach cobbler) repaid Saul for his legal advice by completing a rather important request for him. 

Switching your birth control with placebos...  

[ascendanttarot]

PAC: Messages From Your Spirit Guides

Hi everyone! This PAC will cover whether your spirit guides have any messages or guidance for you. This is a little shorter than the last PAC but only a little bit, promise! I'll list a few signs for every pile before your reading to ensure you have picked the right pile for yourself. If you resonate with one or more signs, that is meant to be your reading. And! You’ll get a channelled song! :)

Please remember your fate is not set in stone so your answers may change depending on the actions you take and will take if you please. Tarot is not a substitute for professional advice. The images I’ve used are not mine.

From left to right: Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3

Pile 1

Signs:

You play guitar or favour the sound of acoustic guitar in your songs

You listen to the following bands/artists: Hozier, Florence + the Machine, Mitski, and other similar artists

This is a weird one, but when cleaning you like buying the sprays/wipes/detergent with a fruitier smell?

You like going on nature walks

You read poetry

Your cards: The Tower, Queen of Cups rx, (clarified by the Six of Swords rx) Page of Wands

Your message: Something unfolded in ways you could have never imagined. It’s like all your backup plans fell apart too, and your optimism has been taken away from you. I just heard ‘victim of circumstance’. This is a difficult message to give, but your guides are saying whatever happened, happened beyond anyone’s control. You tried to shield yourself from these difficult emotions by hardening your heart, creating distance between you and your feelings... but you’re spirit guides are asking you, “Is this really worth it all?”. It won’t be an easy feat to move on from this situation, and your guides understand that. However, they’re saying that when the time comes and the right opportunity is in front of you to take that first step of healing, please take it. The best part of your life requires a childlike sense of wonder. It’s going to require a lot more determination and ambition than what you’re feeling now. Your guides are saying to take your time to feel messy, and when it’s time to heal, don’t rush yourself to do that too. They’re here for you if you ask them. They believe in you even if you don’t believe in yourself, but they are waiting patiently and happily for a time when you’ll start standing by your back too.

Thank you for letting me be your reader, Pile 1!

Song: In Your Own Sweet Time by Zaska, Karen Cowley and Hozier

Pile 2

Signs:

You have an alternative sense of style

You love 80s music. I just heard Wham and The Cure to name a few of the bands that popped up in my intuition

Odd sign to give, but you may have had a vaporwave phase? If you know, you know

You like Fantasy and Sci-Fi books and shows

Another odd message to give here—you may be sensitive to touch, but it goes both ways? Like you can only wear certain fabrics, or you like soft things, but also people may say you give good hugs

Your Cards: 8 of Swords rx, 6 of Cups, The World

Your Message: I just saw the image of your spirit guides popping open a bottle of champagne with a knife before chucking (yes, that violently) streamers and confetti! You know why? Because. You. Did. That. You’ve just come out of a period in your life when you had to do some intense shadow work. You’ve worked on your biases, and have started to fix your flawed systems on your environment and yourself; your spirit guides could not be more proud of you. They’re celebrating 24 hours a day 7 days a week because that chapter of your life is over! This new phase of your life will be given gently to you with the love and compassion you deserve. I think this may be an opportunity to let yourself be seen by others again. At the very least you’ll be hanging out with old friends and making new ones, but at the most, I’m seeing possibly an opportunity for a project to start online. Either way, your spirit guides will have your back for that in the future. For now, though, they’re asking you to put your feet up and high-five yourself for how far you’ve come!

Thank you for letting me be your reader, Pile 2!

Your Song: Blame It on the Boogie by The Jacksons (I’m serious, they’re having a party right now haha!)

Pile 3

Signs:

You prefer the dusk over the dawn

You like RnB, so artists like Victoria Monét and Ashanti might be familiar artists to have in your playlists. I also heard Destiny’s Child and Ms. Lauryn Hill

I feel like you might like, collect, or work with crystals and metals. I just saw some people here may wear protective jewellery

You like sports, or were heavily involved in sports when you were younger, but you aren’t anymore

I just heard ‘helping hand’, so you may just be a really helpful and generous person. You’d be the friend people go to if they need advice on something

Your Cards: 2 of Wands, 2 of Swords, King of Cups

Your Message: Okay this feels pretty straightforward. Your spirit guides want you to know that you’re coming into a divine partnership (not necessarily romantic if that’s not you’re thing or if you’re aromantic, so this could be a friendship or a business partner even) very soon. With the emphasis on the number two in this reading, this may correlate with timings in your life. You may meet this person in 2 weeks, 2 months, or even within the span of 2 years, but there’s a strong message of divine timing working in your favour. I feel you may have issues trusting the people around you to have good intentions because of negative experiences in the past. This person won’t break that mental belief for you, you’ll do that yourself, but they will certainly be the catalyst for it. Maybe the reason why you’re so jaded is because you’ve hoped for this so long the hope soured to cynicism, but this is not the natural state of your soul. This person will offer you the emotionally mature partnership you’ve dreamed of, with a sensitivity for you and your feelings you aren’t used to. Your spirit guides can’t wait for you to meet them because I’m hearing this relationship will be healing for all the parties involved. They’re with you on this every step of the way.

Thank you for letting me be your reader, Pile 3!

Your Song: Love Is on My Side by Brandy

[uboat53]

Here we go, in no particular order, here are some of my thoughts on what we'll see in the next year or two based on the election results:

THE ECONOMY

Unless something pretty serious happens, it's very likely that Trump will make good on his promise of massive tariffs on all American imports. Given that we import a lot of stuff from the rest of the world (check any manufactured item in your house, I'll bet it doesn't say "made in America"), that means prices will likely increase substantially. The predictable result of that is probably a pullback of consumer spending and a recession. If we're really unlucky, we'll have inflation and a recession at the same time, the dreaded "stagflation".

More broadly, it's likely that the only thing Republicans will do economically in terms of legislation is pass a massive, deficit financed tax cut for the rich. Again. Honestly, this is an easy one to guess because it's what they do every time they have power. It's direct effect will probably be minimal (though any effect is likely to be inflationary) although it remains an open question how long the US can run up the credit card without any major economic consequences.

We're also likely to see a wave of deregulation. Expect the new administration to try to roll back all of the consumer protections that Biden has put in place, end the lawsuits against big corporations that are exploiting their market power, and generally tilt the playing field back in favor of big corporations and wealthy people.

Oh yes, and let's talk about the immigration thing here. Trump is promising to deport millions of illegal immigrants (by current estimates there are about 11 million of them). And, look, I'm not a professional economist, but I think it's reasonably easy to guess what happens when you remove millions of people of working age from the labor pool. Again, this is likely to be inflationary (less workers available, so pay and, thus, costs, go up) and recessionary (fewer consumers buying things) at the same time.

PUBLIC HEALTH

With a knowledgeable public health expert like RFK Jr. leading the government's public health efforts, what could possibly go wr… sorry, couldn't finish that with a straight face. Yeah, Trump's gone off the deep end public health-wise ever since the public health people kept pointing out how badly he was screwing up his last major public health emergency, so now he's only listening to quacks and nut jobs.

The odds are pretty good that vaccines are on the target list and the administration will reduce or eliminate programs that encourage them. It's a good bet that, in the next decade or so, we'll see a resurgence of diseases like measles and polio that we thought we'd eradicated. Of course, if we get another pandemic like Covid, I'd bet on a high body count and massive economic impact as well.

We're also likely to see more and more women dying due to pregnancy-related complications. Biden was pushing hard to enforce a federal law that requires hospitals to save women's lives, but it's doubtful that Trump will keep doing that. He'll also likely not enforce any other protections and allow even stronger crackdowns on abortion in states that are eager to do so.

MINORITIES

If you're not a straight, white, cisgender, Christian man, things are likely to get a lot worse for you over the next four years. Look for the administration to take every opportunity to attack gay and trans people and to promote Christianity over other beliefs. The Civil Rights Division of the Department of Justice is also likely to be neutered, as it has been under every Republican administration since at least Reagan, so many states will happily violate the rights of racial minorities without any federal pushback. The same is true of laws and regulations that protect women.

Beyond the official, though, we also have to face the societal effects of another Trump Presidency. Despite the loud protestations of his supporters, Trump is beloved among the racist far-right, and for good reason. His administration borrowed heavily from their ideas and their language and even used their personnel and there's no reason to expect a second term to be any different. There is a reason that right-wing terror surged in our country in Trump's first term and it'll probably do the same now.

Expect more shootings of black and brown people and more attacks on Jews and Jewish places of worship. The racists believe the President is on their side and he's given them no reason to think otherwise.

THE NEXT ELECTION

All right, I'm going out on a limb here and this is my longest range projection, but it's a fairly reasonable bet that Democrats will take/retake the House of Representatives in 2026. I can confidently predict this because the party that controls the presidency has lost House seats in nearly every election since the Great Depression. Based on current results (which may change as western states count more votes), the Republicans will have a 4 vote margin in the House and the average midterm loss is 27 seats. Heck, they lost 47 seats in 2018 the last time Trump was in office. Even the Democrats who had a good year in 2022 still lost 10 seats. Seems like a pretty good bet.

As for the Senate, that's a bit harder to predict. At the moment, Republicans will have anywhere from 52 to 54 seats when all the votes are counted from this election. Based on the 2020 Senate elections map (that's the class of Senators that will be up for re-election in 2026), I'd count anywhere from 2-4 seats that the Democrats might be able to flip, the rest are probably safe. So is it possible that Democrats could retake the Senate in '26? Absolutely. Is it likely? Good question. Ask me in a year or so.

CONCLUSION

It's likely that life in America is going to get worse over the next year or two, how much worse depends a lot on how we react. At best, we'll likely face further inflation (every economic policy Trump has voiced support for is inflationary), increased sickness and disease, and increased attacks on the lives and well-beings of anyone who isn't a straight, white, cisgender, Christian man. At worst, well, all of those things but much more intense.

If we're fortunate, Democrats will take the House and serve as a much-needed check on the worst impulses of President-elect Trump. If not, at least the next election will likely do it, though a good deal of damage will be done between now and then.

[cherrysurf]

“Orange bmw” Hinata X reader

f!reader, timeskip,fluff, sorry for mistakes! (ft.kageyama, atsumu)

listen to “my only” by leehi for a better experience

also heads up the orange bmw is like the one in frank oceans album cover [nostaliga ultra] that’s what i based it off of

[Oneshot : after years of not speaking to your ex boyfriend due to him professionally pursuing volleyball and now you rooting from a far. A random orange bmw shows up in your driveway with a note..?]

As you sit here in your living room watching the volleyball game airing currently that your ex boyfriend hinata shoyo was playing in. I know it might sound weird but you guys ended on good terms you knew it was best to leave him due to him constantly being on the go and you wanting something more permanent you both thought it was the best to leave each other, in reality you never wanted to leave him you truly loved him he was the best boyfriend especially in highschool.

*flashback (2nd years in highschool)*

It was a warm afternoon you and sho just finished getting out of school and wanted an ice cream since summer was approaching and the days were getting hotter and being such a good girlfriend and waiting for your boyfriends practice to be done he thought he owned you ice cream. “sho you’re too fast no matter how fast or slow we get there it’s still gonna be there” you say trying to catch up to your fast boyfriend of the time “i know y/n but i feel bad for having you wait for me during practice you don’t have to you know.” he says stoping waiting for you now “you don’t have to feel sorry i always enjoy watching you play sho it’s such an experience” you say smiling taking the gingers hand. He smiles “thank you for being such a supportive girlfriend y/n” he says leaning into you “always sho.” you say kissing his cheek. As you both are sitting on the curb now with your ice creams in hand watching the sun fully set hinara turns to you “y/n what car are you going to want me to buy you when i get rich and famous for being a pro volleyball player?” you chuckle “sho your not being serious are you” he looks at you deadpanned “i’ve never been more serious about something in my life than right now. You deserve it after everything you went through/ are gonna go through with me you deserve it.” he says now with a smile kissing your forehead “i guess you’re right huh?” you say smiling back thinking how lucky you were to have such an amazing boyfriend “mmmh okay once you do get to be rich and famous pro volleyball player i want a orange bmw the old school ones” you look at him “why orange?” he asks confused. “because my favorite color is orange like your hair” you look up at his orange wavy hair blowing in the wind a faint blush on his cheeks and ears appear “deal i promise with every piece of me to give you that car deal?” he says “pink promise?” you ask. You both pink promise on it. Thinking nothing of it.

*end of flashback*

You now still sitting in your living room with a Msby black jackals jersey with none other than hinata shoyos number and name. Praying so hard for hinata to win you can see his getting tired and you hope he pulls through to win he deserves it. After watching him through a tv screen for almost a year you can’t help but wonder how he’s doing truly you miss him and know you can get in contact with him very easily but you don’t want to interrupt his flow. As the last set happens and him and miya atsumu get the last point you can’t help but get up and yell happy that he won, you’ve never been prouder than now all the hard work and effort you’ve seen him put in you know he deserve this more than anyone.

Without thinking of anything you post a story on instagram in your msby black jackals jersey congratulating the team on their victory tagging the team to show your support and appreciation for the team. Funny enough you still followed your highschool friends tsukishima, kageyama, yamaguchi and yachi they were all very dear to you and would constantly tease sho for being with you. Kageyama seeing your story surprised you still even watch hinata and supporting him and his team, he knew you did it for him and tsukishima and he appreciated it and would tell you about in when you guys would text to catch up. He ends up sending the story to hinata saying “i guess you still have your number one supporter, and congrats on the win can’t wait to crush you next time we play against each other.”

Hinata after heading home and responding to thank you texts and finally opens kageyamas. He’s shocked “is that really y/n” he thinks after all these years she’s still supporting him and rooting for him like she said “she still kept her promise.” he thinks he can’t help but admire how even more beautiful she’s gotten. he checks instagram seeing that his team account has even reposted the story he dies for a bit not knowing what to do he’s freaking out.

You’re now freaking out yourself after waking up from your nap seeing that THE msby black jackals has reposted your story “ugh remind me to go private again next time i think about posting stuff like this.” you filled with regrets but literally can’t delete it because that’s weird but now knowing millions of people and hinata are going to see your story you can’t help but want to barf at this fact.

*incoming call from tobio*

you:hello pls don’t tell me you saw it too.

tobio: i’m pretty sure everyone saw it and i sent it to him too. so.

you: ARE YOU SERIOUS TOBIO?!

tobio: what i didn’t think you’d care especially since it was for the public to see gosh be more careful you idiot

you:you’re so lucky you’re not in japan id so kick your ass you loser i hope hinata beats you next time you both play

tobio: ugh as if i’ll get you tickets to make sure you can see me win against that tangerine

you: i will not be showing my face especially not after this publicity stunt

tobio: you’re fine y/n im sure he’s freaking out himself too i mean come on his ex girlfriend still rooting for him? he’s got to feel like an ass

you: you think?

tobio: come on we both know. anyways make sure you show that much support to me too smh *he laughs* bye y/n i’ll call you when i can okay?

you:My bad i will next time king of the court *you chuckle* and end the call

*end of call*

You fall face first on your bed and turn off your phone for the night.

shoyos pov:

“I feel so stupid. y/n was always the best and still supporting me after everything i feel like such a bad person i don’t even know if i should reach out or not i feel like that’s so dumb i truly don’t know maybe i should leave it alone? what do you think tsumu?” he says as he’s eating with his friend and setter miya atsumu. “I don’t know sho i mean i don’t think reaching out is a bad thing, do you remember anything from yer guys youth that you promise her as like small favor to make her think you haven’t forgotten about her because clearly ya haven’t” the setter says as he munches on his food and that’s when it hits the ginger “orange bmw.” he says the setter looks at him with a strange face “what do you mean orange bmw hinata?” he asks confused and worried. “I promised her an orange bmw when i became a pro volleyball player in our second year in highschool that was my promise.” hinata says half smiling reminiscing that early summer day. “okay but how are you gonna do that you don’t even know how to get one or where she lives now.” atsumu says with a mouthful. “i have connections ill make it work, it’s only fair i hold up my end of my promise.” hinata responds

*end of shoyos pov*

some days later….

As you’re making lunch for yourself you hear a knock at the door. “hi is this y/n?” the man says, you look at him “yes this is she” you responded “perfect i need you to sign this as confirmation it’s mandatory especially for cars” he says and with that he walks away you run outside and follow him “wait cars?! i didn’t order a car?!” you say puzzled, the man responds and once more before getting in the truck “it was a gift notes on the car.” and drives away you look at your driveway and see an orange bmw

“no fucking way.” you stand their mouth flung open you think no it’s not possible it can’t be, could it? you walk around and inspect the car it was just like the one you and shoyo talked about. As you walk towards the front windshield you see an orange postnote

“hey you kept your promise in supporting me, let me keep my promise too. I hope you love it. let’s catch up sometime okay? take me for a ride in it?- you’re ex boyfriend and favorite volleyball player shoyo hinata.

(xxx) xxx-xxxx

the end ;)

[nycbaby21]

Trevor Zegras Imagine

Double date with Jamie and Trevor

word count: 2,869

“C’mon please,” I hear for probably the eighth time in the past hour. I take a deep breath and close my laptop knowing this essay isn’t getting finished tonight. The past three days my roommate Harper has been trying to get me to agree to go on a double date with her and her boyfriend.” If I go tonight there are gonna be some requirements agreed on first,” I sigh knowing soon enough she’d make me cave.

She jumps up from the couch running over and hugging me at the kitchen counter. I laugh as she squeezes me and say,”Harp calm down okay. I said yes but you owe me.” She pulls back, her bright blue eyes filled with excitement, and nods while also slightly jumping up and down.”You will be buying dinner every night this week. You have to do all the dishes too. And lastly, this is the biggest one, please don’t just leave me alone with someone I just met,” I say knowing she will do atleast two of the three things.” Sounds like we have a deal.” Famous last words.

I knew I was being dramatic, Harper knew, hell even Jamie knew I was and he wasn’t even here yet. It wasn’t because I was trying to be difficult honestly, but the idea of going on a date with a professional hockey player was really nerve wracking. Luckily I knew Jamie well enough to know what his roommates name was, so after a quick google search to make myself feel better I felt worse. Trevor Zegras, New York native, number 11 for the Anaheim Ducks, and lastly hottest guy I had ever seen. A soft knockon my door breaks me from my staring contest with my phone.” Come in.”

Jamie opens my bedroom door and smiles wide at me. I return the smile halfway as he sits at my desk chair.” Y/n I want you to listen to me okay. I know you are nervous about tonight and if you really don’t wanna go you don’t have to. I don’t want you doing anything uncomfortable with. Harper is only being so annoying about it because of Z. After he saw her lockscreen of the two of you from Halloween last year he hasn’t stopped asking about you. He finally annoyed her enough for you to come tonight.” I snap my head towards him and raise an eyebrow confused.

” What are you talking about Jamie? I thought you wanted me to go tonight because you felt bad ditching him on his first night back from his trip,” I ask because that is what Harper told me. His blue eyes go wide and blush quickly rushes to his face and falling all the way down to his neck.” Well yeah… I mean of course that’s why… we,” he started stuttering knowing he had messed up. I give him a look as he jumps up and races down to the kitchen. I quickly follow him and am met with him kissing Harp bye and headed home.” See you later,” he rushes as he closes the door.

“What the hell was that,” I look at her and then back to the door.” What? Oh Jamie. Well you know I love him but he is kinda an odd duck sometimes,” she smiles not making eye contact. “Harper was what Jamie said true? He wanted to meet me because of your lock screen,” I question rounding the corner and standing beside her so she has to look at me. She takes a deep breath and finally looks at me.” Yes okay. Jamie didn’t know that I may have left some details out so don’t be upset with him. Trevor saw my phone and said you were the prettiest girl he had ever seen. I just know you Y/n. If you knew Trevor was excited to meet you it would freak you out, like it is doing right now. I promise I didn’t mean to upset you I thought I was helping,” she looked up with sad puppy eyes. I knew she wouldn’t hurt me on purpose and neither would Jamie. I lean over and wrap my arms around her. She sighs and nuzzles deeper into the hug.

“You were right. I am kinda freaking out. I also may or may not have googled him,” I say my voice growing smaller as the sentence finishes. She springs backs and looks at me laughing.” Y/n! This is too good oh my gosh. So, what did you think,” she props her head up with her hands and smirks at me. I push her head and get up walking back towards my room.” Just so you know this is gonna be in my speech at your wedding.”

Hours later I take one last final look in the mirror. I went with a light green sweater and light washed jeans. The jeans were tight enough to show my figure, but not too tight to be uncomfortable. I lean down running my hands through my freshly curled hair and smile. The doorbell ringing makes my smile drop. My stomach is swirling with nervousness. I haven’t been on a date with a guy I didn’t like in forever and now I’m going on one with someone I do. I slowly walk down the stairs to see Jamie waving through the window by the door. Laughing at him, I reach down and twist the doorknob open.

The sight I’m met with is straight from a rom-com. Two ridicously attractive guys standing at the front door with flowers and huge smiles. My eyes drift from Jamie to Trevor’s flowers then finally to his eyes. He smiles and I can see a light pink dusting on his cheeks.” Well don’t you guys look nice. Come in Harper is just finishing up,” I say pulling the door wider and let Jamie lead them in. I laugh silently at Jamie even ringing the doorbell since he already has a key to our place. He makes quick work of finding two vases for the flowers as Trevor stands to the side awkwardly. It was cute seeing this super confident guy look like a kid being dropped off by his parents on the first day of school.” You can sit if you want to, don’t have to stand there the whole time. Harper always takes forever getting ready,” I smile at him hoping to calm both of our nerves.

He joins me at the kitchen counter and slides into the seat next to me.” I’m Y/n by the way. I know you knew that already but it felt weird to not introduce myself.” He turns and I can see just how bright his eyes are this close. His smile curls up his face as he lets out a laugh.” I’m so glad you said that. I was wondering if I was supposed to because Jamie told me you knew the basics about me, so I’m glad you led the way. I’m Trevor by the way and these are for you,” he pushes the flowers in my direction. I take them from him as our fingers brush each other’s and we stop. Looking up quickly at each other and then blushing again. I twirl the small bouquet of daisies around and smile at them.” Harp said they were your favorite,” he says quietly. This is a very different verison of him that I thought I would be meeting tonight. From all the stories and interviews I knew he was a loud lovable goofball but seeing him kinda shy and reserved was interesting.

Jamie interrupted our staring contest by placing the vase down infront of me and softly pulling the flowers from my hands to get them into water. Before he can make a comment, which I could tell he was going to by the twinkle in his eye, Harper finally made it downstairs and greeted Jamie with a small kiss.” Okay let’s go people. Seriously I have no idea why we haven’t left yet,” she jokes laughing at how even she knew her and time had a difficult relationship.

The night exceeded my expectations by a thousand percent. We all walked around the fairgrounds and as the night went along Trevor finally let his personality start to show. We followed closely behind the happy couple infront of us and both laughed at how such a small girl could drag the defencemen around like it was nothing. As I followed them into the line for the ferris wheel, I felt Trevor stop behind me. Turning around I can see the nervous look in his eyes mixed with dread. Sensing his resistance to get in line I figured he wasn’t the biggest fan of heights. Jamie and Harper turn around and see us standing back from them. As Trevor opens his mouth to explain why he stopped I cut him off,” I’m not really feeling this one guys. Trev do you think it’d be okay if we skip this one and do something else.” The anxiety visibly leaves his body as he nods quickly. Reaching down and lacing our fingers together I look back to our friends.” We will catch up with you guys after,” Harper says coming over and giving me a quick hug. She then leans up as close as she can get to Trevor’s ear due to their height difference,” you pull anything your ass in mine Zegras.”

After basically prying Trevor from the spot he had been frozen to since Harper threatened him, we make our way to a small table to eat our shared funnel cake.” Thank you for that by the way,” he says looking over at me with a shy smile. I shake my head,” hey don’t mention it. If I’m being honest I’m kinda glad we skipped it. I’m having fun just the two of us.” His smile reaches his eyes and he slowly reaches out and connects our hands again.” Me too,” he exclaims while rubbing his thumb back and forth on my hands. We finished up and stood up looking around for the rest of our group. A message from a group chat including the four of us, which was just made, explained how they saw us having a good time and decided to go back to the boy’s place for the night. I laugh at the face he makes reading the text.” Oh you think this is funny missy. I love them but they haven’t spent time alone together in a minute so,” he stopped his sentence not having to finish it.” I find it hilarious mister,” I say poking his chest,” because if I’m not mistaken I had to deal with Valentine’s Day so I dont wanna hear it.” We both laughed at our shared trauma of sharing a wall with the two of them.” Okay so what’s next? I do not wanna go home yet,” he says walking forward lacing our fingers back together. I look down and smile at how natural it feels.

“Well they close soon so wanna try and find somewhere else that’s open this late,” I ask pulling out my phone again to search for things to do. I let out a squeal as I notice I never cleared my recent search history, the one including my cyberstalking of Trevor.” No way I just saw what I think I saw,” he laughs reaching down for my phone. I quickly move it behind my back slipping my other hand from his to have a better grip on it.” I have no idea what you are talking about,” I laugh nervously knowing he probably thinks I’m a weirdo stalker now.” Okay then let me see your phone.” As the words leave his mouth I blush even harder and shake my head. He continues walking towards me as I walk back away from him. All is going fine until I feel something hard hit my back. Silently cursing I notice I literally backed myself into a wall.

Trevor finally reaches me and stops just a couple inches from my body. Both of our breathing is heavy and the phone was the last thing on our minds. His blue eyes dart from mine to my lips a couple times making sure I can see it. I smile at him as he leans down slowly, giving me any chance to stop this. Getting frustrated, I lean forwards connecting our lips and wrapping my arms around his neck. He quickly recovers and leans more into me, pushing me deeper into the brick wall behind me. Only pulling away because we need air, I hear him chuckle as I still have my eyes closed scared that if I open them this could all just be a cruel dream. Finally opening them I see his flushed face and slightly swollen lips.” There she is,” he whispers looking into my eyes. I laugh and lean forward resting my head on his chest. I can feel the rapid beat of his heart and just sit in the moment for a second. That second was quickly interrupted by him snatching my phone from my hands and running to put some distance between us.” Trevor! Seriously no,” I plead but it’s too late. He is scrolling through my google laughing the whole time he does it. Feeling so embarrassed I turn away from him and start walking towards the exit. I guess he noticed and caught up to me quickly, stupid long legs. I try not to make eye contact and keep walking ahead when he stops right infornt of me.

“Hey look I’m sorry okay. Please look at me,” I can hear the sincerity in his voice, but that doesn’t help with how stupid I feel. I refuse to look at him, my eyes drifting everywhere else. He lightly places his hand under my chin and moves my head to look at him.” Hi,” he smiles at me almost making it hard for me to be mad he stole my phone.” Hi,” I whisper back finally letting myself relax alittle.” I am sorry Y/n. I just got a little excited. I mean it’s not everyday that you find out the girl you have been dreaming about was looking you up before a date,” he speaks softly like you would to a scared animal. I sigh and let a lone tear fall down my face. His thumb quickly swipes it away,” I just don’t want you to think I’m so weirdo who stalked you.” He laughs and puts both hands on my cheeks. I reach up and wrap mine around his wrist keeping him locked in afraid he may run.” I mean I do think you are a weirdo but not because of that.” I laugh and roll my eyes at his joke.” Seriously I think it’s cute. I totally scrolled all the way through your instagram the second I learned your name from Harper,” he confessed.

Laughing I lean up and connect our lips and then quickly pull back. He makes a small noise of protest and I giggle,” now who’s the weirdo.” He laughs and leans his head down to rest on mine. We stay in the moment until some guy yells at us saying the park closed five minutes ago. Grabbing his hand, I take of running pulling him along with me laughing the whole time. We uber back to my place and Trevor walks me up to the door. He swings our hands with every step and continues even when we reach the door.” I had a really great time tonight,” he blushes running thumb along my hand again.” Me too. Best date I’ve ever been on,” I smile up at him. He leans down and give me one final kiss before walking towards his car, Jamie and Harper must have come back here and got hers. Our hands stay connected until they can’t anymore. I laugh at him and yell out,”dork.” He smiles and runs back up to me kissing me again suddenly.” Only for you,” he winks then runs back to his car heading back to his place. I wave at him as he pulls out and I finally make my way upstairs and get ready for bed.

After getting settled I lay down in bed with a huge smile on my face. This night couldn’t have gone any better. Then my thoughts are cut off by the small ding of my phone. One new message for Trev 😍🥵😮‍💨. I laugh at the contact name he must have put in there when he had my phone.

Trev 😍🥵😮‍💨: I made it back home and I’m laying down wondering what’s the point of going to sleep when my dreams already came true 😘

Number 1 fan 🧡🖤: That was the cheesiest thing I have ever heard. I’m glad you made it home. I can’t wait to see you again.

Trev 😍🥵😮‍💨: Same here. Can’t keep my number one fan lonely now can I?

Number 1 fan 🧡🖤: I’m glad you have to listen to them tonight just for that comment.

[j0hnj4ej3n]

jisung: seatmates to lovers

Word count: 1.4k

Warnings: none :)

Notes: this is Jisung's part of 'nct dream as love tropes', enjoy!

“The two of you at the back!” Your teacher’s voice rang through the classroom and both Jisung and you immediately stopped your bickering. “S-sorry,” Jisung manages to mutter out before your teacher finally continues with class. You couldn’t help but chuckle once her attention wasn’t on the two of you and Jisung nudged you so you’d stop before he starts laughing too. 

Initially, Chenle was the one who used to sit with Jisung but your homeroom teacher made you switch with Chenle because they won’t stop talking. It worked at first since you and Jisung weren’t exactly friends, all you knew about the guy was his name and the fact that he was in the dance club. Jisung was shy so he took a while to warm up to you. But it helped that you were easy-going and would offer him help whenever it was needed. 

Jisung was always grateful to you though. Because on top of the dance club, he takes professional dancing classes outside of school and even after all that, loves to game till late at night and hence would constantly fall asleep in classes. But even when teachers try to call him out during class for it, Jisung knows you got his back. 

“Park Jisung!” Jisung shoots awake and stares back at the teacher, mentally still processing which class he’s in. “What’s the answer for question 5?” “Uh… oh, question 5?” You tap his knee under the table and he glances at you, you push your worksheet slowly over to his side to show him the answer before he answers. “Good… please just try to stay awake. It’s the third time I caught you this week” “Yep, sorry” Jisung would turn to mumble a soft “thank you” before he tries his best to stay awake, only to start nodding off again within minutes. 

This gratitude was largely reciprocated because you often skip lunch to do work or just take a nap. It’s not that you don’t eat well because you do. But when lunchtime comes, you’re not necessarily hungry yet and you lack the appetite to stomach a full meal. So you decided to spend your time more wisely by revising or resting and only eating after the school day ends when you would usually be able to treat yourself to a full meal. Jisung notices this pretty quickly once you two became seatmates and would casually buy snacks to share with you. Initially, you thought Jisung just enjoyed snacking, which he does. But overtime, Jisung deliberately buys two of everything he gets so you can eat more for yourself. 

The real turning point in your friendship happened when Jisung got ditched by Chenle for their malatang ‘date’. “Chenle! You promised!” “I’ll go with you tomorrow! I really want to play basketball with Mark today.” “Can’t believe you’re ditching me for basketball, that you play 7 days a week!” “Tomorrow, tomorrow. I promise!” Jisung huffs and mutters a “Forget it” before turning to you. You’re just watching them bicker while sipping on the carton of milk Jisung got you, trying not to laugh at their childish banter. “Y/n, do you like malatang?” “I’ve never tried it.” Your response causes Jisung’s eyes to widen, expressing his disbelief. “You have to! Do you want to come with me after school today?” You have nothing after school today so you agreed and Jisung cheers, rubbing it into Chenle’s face about how he has been replaced.

Jisung and you really got close after that. The two of you were really different but not in a bad way. You were interested in many similar things, like music, games and theories about the universe and the unknown. But had very diverse opinions on them. Jisung thought you were the most interesting person ever and genuinely could listen to you for days. You thought Jisung was a lot more knowledgeable than he thinks himself to be. All his opinions were backed with actual evidence, where he pulls them out from, you have no idea. You thought he was really interesting too. Moreover, the two of you share a really similar sense of humour that had you two laughing so hard, while everyone else would just wonder what exactly was so funny. 

Overtime, this becomes a tradition. Every Tuesday you and Jisung would have lunch together and more often than not, it’s malatang. Even the kind lady who tends the mala store expects you two every week now. Always greeting you two with a smile and a confirmation of “Table for two right?” before leading you into the store. 

However, you fell sick this week and you texted to tell Jisung you would probably miss school for a few days. Asking him to very kindly not fall asleep during classes and take notes for you. And also to apologise for not being able to eat malatang with him this week. Jisung can’t help but laugh in disbelief at your texts, it wasn’t even your fault that you’re sick. And to his surprise, taking notes down during classes isn’t actually that difficult. Maybe it’s because he wants to make sure he does a good job for you. He worries you won’t be able to read his words, since his friends always made fun of his messy handwriting. So he tried really hard to write carefully and clearly. 

After class, Jisung still went down to the mala store to have lunch but with Chenle this time. “Oh? Table for two?” The lady asked, trying to hide the slight surprise when she saw Chenle instead of you. After picking the ingredients, Jisung and Chenle went back to the table to wait for the malatang to be served. When the kind lady came to serve the malatang, she shyly asked, “Don’t mind me being nosy… but did something happen? Where’s your girlfriend?” 

Upon hearing that, Jisung chokes on air and Chenle is full on laughing at him. “S-she’s not my girlfriend,” Jisung stutters and he knows he’s blushing because he feels like his cheeks are on fire. “His girlfriend is sick, so I had to take over~” Chenle chimes in when Jisung fails to answer the question. The kind lady nodded in understanding, trying to hold back her laughter at Jisung’s flustered state, she simply greeted them, “Enjoy your food” and walked away. 

“Stop laughing, that was so embarrassing!” Jisung whines when Chenle can’t seem to stop mocking him, his face red from laughter as tears threaten to escape. “You were so flustered, I-I can’t. Be honest, do you like her?” Jisung looks down and stays silent, busying himself with eating. “Oh my god… YOU DO DON’T YOU? YOU LIKE Y/N! I KNEW IT i-” “SHUT UP, do you need to tell the whole world?” “You have to tell her” “NO way!” “You have to” “Why?” “I’m sure she likes you too” “No she doesn’t” “No normal girl will make time to eat malatang with you every Tuesday after sitting beside you 5 days a week, even I would be too sick of you to do that” “HEY that’s mean!” 

Jisung got convinced. But he can’t bring himself to tell you face to face. “Just text her,” was Chenle’s solution. 

[5:02pm] ji: [image of malatang] 

[5:02pm] ji: ended up eating malatang with chenle 

[5:03pm] you: im craving it so badly :( 

[5:03pm] you: sorry i couldn’t go with you, hope it was still good 

[5:03pm] ji: stop apologising, just get well quickly!

[5:03pm] ji: wasn’t as fun as it usually is because chenle pisses me off

[5:04pm] you: hahah alrighty, i’ll be back soon ji 

[5:04pm] you: will have our usual malatang run next week!

[5:04pm] ji: the nice lady asked about you haha

[5:04pm] you: aw :’) really? what did she say?

[5:05pm] ji: she asked me what happened to my girlfriend…

[5:05pm] you: oh

[5:05pm] you: what did you say? 

[5:07pm] ji: i told her you’re sick 

[5:07pm] ji: so i got another friend to come today

[5:10pm] y/n is typing… 

Jisung wants to bury himself six feet under. Why did he take Chenle’s advice? He should have never done this. Jisung wants to cry, he’s about to reply that he was joking when his phone dings beside him. He has never fumbled with his phone so hard and he’s so glad he was alone in his room right now because he is so embarrassed. 

[5:10pm] you: if you want me to be your girlfriend…

[5:10pm] you: shouldn’t you at least ask me first? 

Jisung is about to die from how fast his heart is beating. He had to lightly hit his chest a few times to make sure he wasn’t just hallucinating. His cheeks ache from smiling, your reply had him stomping his feet in excitement. 

[5:12pm] ji: so get well soon, i’ll ask you properly when you’re back :) 

[bloodlustngore]

Blanket - Jennifer Jareau

I was planning on uploading this last night but forgot and fell asleep, oops. Also, I currently have 0 motivation to write so if anyone has any prompts I'd appreciate it :)

Also, this was already uploaded on my Wattpad!

In which JJ gives Y/n her blanket on the jet, a luxury not many others get.

Warnings: None, just fluff.

Sorry this one is a bit short! And again sorry if this sucks, I feel like I rushed it, but oh well.

They had just left a case, everyone on the jet heading home, either reading, listening to music or talking. All Y/n wanted to do was take a nap, that and the fact she had a headache.

JJ, her girlfriend and fellow agent noticed as she came back from the kitchen area with a cup of coffee. The only thing, besides water that the blonde would drink on the jet. "Jayje my head is killing me, and all I want to do is take a nap before we're home" Y/n explained, groaning.

During the case, Y/n had been feeling ill, not to the point of actual 'I'm going to throw up' or stomach pains, but she'd had a migraine. Emily told her to take it easy, but JJ tried to make her stay behind with Penelope and help from there. Which of course, as stubborn as her girlfriend is, Y/n did not.

"Still? We need to get you to a doctors, sweetie" JJ sighed, worried.

"No JJ I promise I'll be fine, I've told you before my headaches come and go" Y/n added, trying to reassure the blonde woman, who placed her mug of coffee on the table. "But they're usually further apart, you had this migraine for two days, then it stopped, and now it's back. I'm taking you to the doctors when we get back" JJ explained, trying to get passed the woman she loves stubbornness.

"It's probably because I forgot my medication for it..." Y/n paused, realising what she had just said. Nobody asked if she bought her meds for the migraines with her, they all just assumed. The look on JJ' face, suggested she wasn't very happy.

"Y/n! You can't just forget your meds for it! Next time I'm going to remind you. That's it." JJ stated.

"I'm sorry, okay? I thought I had them." Y/n apologised.

"Hey, it's okay" The blonde leaned down a little placing a kiss on her girlfriends temple. Both women were happy they didn't have to sneak around the team anymore, of course they remained professional during cases, and also at work at home, but it just felt so freeing for them, that they don't have to hide their relationship from their friends.

"Jayje, can you stay next to me so I can atleast try and get some sleep?" Y/n asked.

"Of course, I'll be right back" And with that JJ went over to the seat she normally keeps the blanket she has on the jet. That literally nobody else can use, although Emily used it once but that was because JJ allowed her. And as her best friend other than being her boss, but that was one time.

"So Y/n can have the blanket, but nobody else?" Reid chuckled.

"Spence, she gets girlfriend privileges" JJ stated. Making Emily, Tara, Luke and Rossi chuckle. "If you want a blanket go buy one" JJ added. Walking back over to her girlfriend, "hey, get cosy with this" she added, wrapping the blanket around Y/n.

As JJ sat down Y/n kissed her cheek "thank you". Allowing Y/n to rest her head against her shoulder as she got comfortable in her seat. JJ thought because of her girlfriends headache it would be uncomfortable, but Y/n closed her eyes and slowly drifted off.

"Let's take a picture! That's so cute!" Luke exclaimed with his phone out.

"Luke I swear to god, if you don't put your phone down I will take it from you and crush it with my heel" JJ spoke, as quietly as she could careful not to wake Y/n up.

"I'd do as she says if I were you" Emily chuckled. And with that Luke put his phone away and sat back down.

JJ was just happy that Y/n could atleast get a little nap before getting home, take her mind off of that migraine.

[alarrytale]

I have hundreds of ideas of how to keep fans engagement up without shitting on your fans or stunting. I have hundred of ideas of how to improve Louis' shows and get a more likeable image that attracts the gp.

Marte can you share some of this ideas? I would love to read them.

Hi, Louis' team!

I bet you would. You seem out of ideas and in need of free advice. I've talked about this many times before, over several asks. I'm going to give a few examples of the hundreds of ideas i have lol.

Know your audience/fandom and who you should spend your time catering to

It’s larries, females, 20-30 years old, former 1d stans. It's not chavs living in their mothers basement in Doncaster...

How to do it: Ditch the lad image, the athleisure wear, the toxic masculinity, the Liam Gallagher impersonation and the punk/anarchy/indie image and sound. Stop taking fan favourite songs off the setlist ffs. When you don’t know the lyrics of your songs or the order of the setlist, you can’t afford to change it up. Have one set list and learn it!

What to do instead: Cater to the 37 million followers that already know and love you. Find ways to engage them again. 1d nostalgia always works. Post an unseen pic from the 1d days. Start taking proper care of yourself! The grey's got to go. Make pop/rock songs that's radio friendly, choose the right singles (see the response of the fandom!), dress up for shows and occations (so we can drool and look forward to your outfit), be yourself on stage and interact more with the audience (bond with us!). Show us some personality. Dare to be sexy and show us your ankles! Spend more time showing your personality on social media. Start using tiktok. Make yourself look interesting. It doesn’t have to be much.

To attract the gp and keep your fans loyal you need to act professional

Know your lyrics, be on time, use transparent communication and keep your promises.

How to do it: When you say soon it should be soon, when you say the 28 of each month, that's once a month. When you cancel a leg of tour or change a show in the nick of time, say why it's being done and why it's done so late. Act your age. Don't sweep things under the carpet and let things go unaddressed if the fandom is reacting negatively.

What to do instead: The gp or concert reviewers attending shows will demand that you know your lyrics to have a good experience. So rehearse and keep to one setlist if you have truble remembering lyrics. Hell, use prompters if neccessary. Learn to apologise properly and heartfelt. If you can’t, hire people to do it for you. Nip discontent in the bud. Either distract from it, address it or apologise for it.

Trust is important

Read the room, don't lay blame on fans (it's never the fans fault), don't EVER shit on fans and don't make promises you can’t keep.

How to do it: Monitor fandom. Constantly. 24/7. Keep up with the discourse of the day, fandom reactions and discontent. Feel the fandom pulse so you'll know when the timing is right for announcements etc. You'll learn what needs to change and improve things to make the fandom thriving and content. A happy fandom = free engagement and promo.

What to do instead: If you need to remind people you have a kid and larry isn't real, do the heavy lifting yourself. Don't throw fans under the bus. Do a tabloid denial or post a pic of F and yourself. Don't say the queue system changed because you listen to fan demands. That's bullshit. Stop lying and be transparent. Don't say you love all your fans and call out conspiracy theorists in the same breath. Both can't be true at the same time.

Don't do PR relationships for promo. Bad press isn't good press. It's bad press that's harming your image and growth.

How to do it: Stop doing PR relationships with lesser celebs. No one is buying it. Everyone is laughing, and the only one remotely interested in taking you on are 10 years your junior. It won't give you the promo you need either. Stop shitting on larries for press. Larry talk will always get you press because it's tabloid, but don't do it on fans expense. Do a denial or an interview if you must.

What to do instead: Use platonic female friendships as promo. Go parachuting with Florence Pugh and call the paps or film the whole thing and post on social media. Go visit Perrie and walk your dogs together. It will help rid you of the toxic male image, get you press (two celebs for one) and make it seem like you have a life besides partying. Stop being antagonistic to journalists and hostile to fans on twitter. Start building a relationship and a bond of trust.

Bonus: Start doing charity again (openly), let us back in your life (even if it's fake. I want to know which colour you're considering for your kitchen walls), i want social commentary on social media (what does he think about spitgate, the number of bins in England, and if he'd ever queue for a Stanley cup). I also want (and need) him to speak up against genocide. He's got an anarchy tattoo. Have some balls. He'd get good press from it too and kudos from his target group and the gp. I also need him to tease us more. I want something he's got in the works to look forward too, something not stunt related. Is he signing up for Soccer aid again? Is he doing a big interview? Post some lyrics on twitter. Engage us. Make things exciting and encourage a positive environment. It's not that hard to improve things tbh. The bar is that low.

[luribourdon]

We all kinda joke about Starbuck being "space dad", but you know who else joke about it??

His colleagues.

The moment they saw the three of them getting closer and him watching over them, the everyday interaction became "Hi everyone. - Hi DAD! - Hurrgh, quit it!"

Clay and Apollo play into it of course. (They also like to confuse people into thinking they are each other, like with Clonco)

And the thing is, you know how some people doesn't work at the Space Station, they're just guests/professionals who come from time to time or for special events, or they do work there, but not close enough to the HAT crew, and when they hear those jokes, see him with two kids following him, who get introduced like "Oh them? They're Starbuck's.", and they can see that, Sol is young, but doesn't know his age exactly, they mind go "Huh. Didn't know Mr.Starbuck was a teen dad".

Wich lead to some conversations :

- I heard one of your son got into a law school! Congrats!

- ... You mean Apollo? Yeah, huh, he did, thanks, but he's not my son.

- How are you doing? How's your father?

- Hum... He died, like, a whil-

- MR.STARBUCK DIEDD???!!

- WHAT?!! HUH???

And Solomon's behavior certainly didn't help the situation. He deny the allegation, just to turn around and do or say the most dad thing ever. He's protective of them, taking their sides, listening carefully and being patient. He show off his kids like "Clay can do radiation calculs, he's not even 15 yet!" "Apollo argue his way from a C+ to an A-!". He can't come that day cuz "Clay have a competition" or "he promised Apollo to go play at the arcades with him". He take "childrens deserve the best" a bit too far sometimes...maybe...

- What are you stressing over like that?

- They need new scarfs, but I don't know what design to choose!

- Just take random one, I'll be fine wait SOLOMON!!! Why are they so expensive ??

- They are made with top quality materials, really warm, it will last them a long time and I can buy them.

Aura : New coats, huh? Wow, good brand! Looks good.

A&C : Thanks! Mr.Starbuck go it for us!

Aura, turning to him, with a smug expression : Of course he did.

And he just stand there, looking away in guiltiness.

Lastly, I believe he is a great teacher in general (I headcanon him as being good with childrens, he's one of the tour guide who always take care of the student groups), a good guide to them, the reliable adult, and... It's not like he spoiles them yknow, but he definitely let some things slide here and there. It's a good mix between :

- Nope, no gameboy. Why? You don't remember your "experiment" at the lab last time?

and

- But he's really good at it!

- Sol!! omgg you can't let a kid use the flight simulator!!!

- He's all happy and he-He didn't crash the last 3 times! Come on! Let him play! He'll do it eventually, let's start early!

If he's not a dad, he's a big brother. Either way, they are family.

[fernmaddie]

introduction

hey folks! i wanted to give a little introduction to myself and my work, as this is my first time presenting myself publicly on tumblr. this is going to make me sound rather professional, but i promise i'm just here to do the regular ol' tumblr things: be silly, gush about things i care about, and not take myself too seriously. i hope you'll join me. :)

i'm fern maddie (she/her), a queer experimental folk artist, multi-instrumentalist, and balladeer based on abenaki land. through folk balladry and original writing, i perform songs and stories exploring themes of grief, trauma, and renewal.

***please note: my approach to folk music is adaptive, interpretive, critical, queer-feminist, and inclusive. white supremacists, "folkish" nationalists, terfs, or anyone who engages with english-language folk literature as a tool of western cultural "purity" will be blocked***

buy my music on bandcamp

listen on spotify

watch some performance on youtube

more about my work below the cut....

past projects

ghost story - my debut album, released in 2022. ghost story was named the #2 best folk album of 2022 by the guardian, and one of the top roots albums of the year from npr music. across 10 tracks, it explores the stories we inherit from the dead -- both our personal dead and cultural dead -- through a queer-feminist lens. includes a critically-acclaimed interpretation of the ballad "hares on the mountain" (roud 329), as well as the ballads "the maid on the shore" (roud 181), "northlands" (roud 21) and a queer re-framing of the scottish shepherding song "ca' the yowes."

north branch river - my debut EP, released in 2020. across 6 sparse tracks and spry banjo-playing, it explores the intimacy and pain of our tenuous relationship with the natural world. includes a re-interpretation of the ballad "the elfin knight" (roud 12), and the original song "two women," inspired by selkie folklore.

of song and bone - of song and bone is a short-lived podcast i produced a few years ago. there are only 3 episodes out, but they illustrate some of my scholarship about folk balladry and my own relationship to balladry as a literary tradition. FYI: i would probably frame a few things differently if i were re-recording the podcast today (ideas and language evolve!). perennially thinking about making more, but we'll see.

currently in development

way to live - way to live is my second studio album, currently in production. as of this writing, way to live includes 8 tracks, and similar to my previous work, combines original songs with folk ballads, though with a greater share of personal storytelling than my earlier records.

said the false nurse - this is a piece of adaptive short fiction i'm currently developing. it's a deeply sinister queer re-telling of the horror ballad long lankin (roud 6), set in the 1620s in the north of England. stay tuned for process updates!

adult children - this is a full-length original novel and associated concept album i'm developing. it's set in contemporary rural vermont, and focuses on a group of adult siblings, their dying father, their failing farm, and the new arrival who threatens their co-dependent bond. the associated rock opera will be written in a folk-rock style with digressions into folktronica and country.

[todos-los-30]

Dear Rosa,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to you today with a heavy heart, filled with regret and remorse for the pain I have caused you. Please accept my sincerest apologies for my thoughtless actions and the hurt they have inflicted upon you.

I am deeply aware of the pain and disappointment I have caused you, and I want you to know that I feel an immense sense of guilt and regret for my behavior. I take full responsibility for my actions, and I understand the consequences they have had on our relationship.

I want to express how truly sorry I am for the hurtful postings I made and the actions I took. I realize now how much they have wounded you emotionally, and I never intended to cause you such distress. You are a person who means the world to me, and seeing the pain I have caused you breaks my heart.

I understand that an apology alone cannot undo the damage I have done, but I want you to know that I am committed to making amends and working on myself to become a better partner to you. I want nothing more than to rebuild the trust and love we once shared.

I want you to know that I have taken this time to reflect on my behavior and have recognized the mistakes I have made. I am actively seeking ways to improve myself, both as an individual and as a partner to you. I promise to work on my shortcomings and become more understanding, patient, and supportive.

Please understand that my actions were a result of my own insecurities and fears, which I deeply regret projecting onto your extinct blog. I am committed to addressing these underlying issues and seeking professional help if necessary. You deserve a loving and supportive partner, and I am determined to be that person for you.

I know that forgiveness takes time, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to earn back your trust and rebuild our relationship. I cherish the bond we shared, and I hope that one day we can move past this and emerge stronger as a couple.

Again, I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and give us another chance. Please know that I am here for you, ready to listen, understand, and support you in any way you need.

With all my love and deepest apologies,

Johnny Gonzalez

[new-berry]

Man I have started this a thousand times.

Mily/Ben take 100. NSFW work of fiction.

They meet at a nightclub. Jeni is saying ‘go talk to him’ but whatever it’s a cliche. She doesn’t want people to know her because of who she dates.

So it’s Jeni who wants to meet them, really - she’s just there- and then he tells a joke that is so outstandingly filthy that the blonde guy he is with, and she knows his name just can’t get it to the tip of her tongue, teasingly tells him off. She laughs though and when he looks up and winks at her his phone screen lights up.

It’s him, Ben, not like Jeni didn’t say his name a hundred times, and he’s kissing the fluffiest dog she’s ever seen. It’s like the dog stuck its paw in an electrical socket. Like a cartoon.

He slides closer to her on the seat, smooths waiting for his opening. She’s always leaned back, angled her body away. There’s a space around her that she leaves open only by invitation. He sits just outside her bubble. Buys her a drink. Gets one for Jeni.

Jeni is touching enough for them both. Interest as obvious as Ben’s fake tan.

Ben still stays on the perimeter. Follows her to the balcony when he decides to give Jeninsome privacy to make a move, or judging by Nordic guys distant smile, get turned down. He doesn’t loom over her, doesn’t seem to think her standing back is inviting him in. He mirrors her posture, the two of them lounging by the railing as Jeni and bland guy chat.

She tells him that editing is the hardest part of her job and somehow doesn’t chase him off when she talks about ring lights and selfie sticks. He asks questions that prove he was actually listening to her. And, her tits are right there okay? He sweeps a look at them - as he should the dusting of glitter body spray is supposed to invite the eyes- but he smiles at her face as he tells her the dog is named Pixie and everyone calls it Princess Pixie.

He waits until she taken a sip of her drink to say “which is weird cause he’s a boy dog,” she refused to spit take, she doesn’t, so what if there is a tiny bead of liquid on her lip. It’s supposed to invite the eyes.

She licks her lips, there are his eyes. From fake innocent to mischievous, to following the line of her tongue.

He’s a cute guy she tells herself regretfully. With a cute dog. But he’s still just a guy.

The longer they stand at the balcony, somehow she’s leaning against it, her arms folded over the metal bannister, boobs even more obvious, pillowed on top of her arms, as they make up stories about some of the people they see.

Smooth as he gets her number. Tells her that he’s single as an aside in the story about the dog. Tests out the football player thing and she must pass whatever exam that is. The answer is she doesn’t give a shit.

She gives him her number, aware he will probably never call, and she’s not upset. He probably just wants to get laid.

He does call, and she promises herself that she won’t fuck him. They go out the next Tuesday, something about game free nights. Absolutely fucks him. In fact plans to fuck him the first time she watches his fingers, delicate around a wine glass.

Reasons to herself she would have slept with anyone else she had had that much fun on a first date with. Maybe it’s being a football player which means he recognises the space he takes up and accommodates her.

Realises, bra strap pulled down with him mouthing across the top of her breasts, that he was way less subtle about eyeing he up this time, that recognising space isn’t the most professional athlete thing he does. He unhooks her bra without yanking at it, cups his hand under her breast as gently as he held the wineglass.

He hadn’t had anything to drink out of it. When he kisses her he doesn’t taste like the very expensive wine the meal was paired with. It tasted like sour notes of old people fruit and kind of hilarious. Prunes and Jimmy Carr The waiter tried to talk them into something cheaper and had been pulled aside by someone else who recognised Ben.

“Dates,” pops into her mind just when she is reaching into his trousers. And she giggles into his mouth. “Ticklish?” He asks and she says “just kiss a little harder.”

But when he kissed her, that had actually exploded across her tongue, the taste of him rolling around in her mouth. Rich and rare, and limited to a very few.

They don’t even make it to her room, and she doesn’t care that he leaves because of ‘early training,’ which may or may not be bullshit, because she didn’t expect anything anyway.

And she’s not going to call him, she only texts to tell him he left his bracelet and he takes her out again.

And again and again until they are, apparently, dating. And he is annoyingly good at dating. He doesn’t play games about texting her back, and is on the guest list anywhere she wants to go. He will swim anywhere, sloping down at close to midnight to a hotel pool. Kicks her ass at anything remotely sporting she suggests from pool to darts. Kisses her pouts and tells her seriously to try sucking less at games. They settle on UNO. Poker.

He tells her not to distract him with her tits. She tells him to find shorts that fit over his ass. She squeezes her arms by her side, offered up in a platter. They hardly ever finish a hand.

[not-so-bored]

Summer - (work)week 7

July - week 3 ⛅️

Routine

🛏 Sleep 8+ hours  🟨🟩🟥🟨 ⏰ Wake up earlier than 10:00  🟩🟩🟩🟩  👟 Work  🟩🟪🟩⬛️ (🟣 my hours have been cut) 🇳🇱 Dutch lessons  🟩🟥🟥🟨 🦉 Duolingo: Dutch  🟩🟩🟩🟩 💧 Drops: Dutch  🟩🟩🟩🟩 📚 Reading more than 15 pages 🟩🟩🟥🟩 🧠 Meditation: 5+5 minutes  🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ 🌐 60-day Language Challenge by @leavelesstree (I aimed to complete it in 6 weeks, but it’s more likely it’ll actually take 7+ weeks) ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️  🫀 Sport  ⬜️  ☕️ Coffee*  ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ *I enjoy an occasional cup of coffee but I need to keep them occasional, which means: up to three cups a week with one day break in between

Special tasks

Backlog

🧊🚲 Cycling (frozen because it is not happening anyway)  🔳 ⁉️🌐 60-day Language Challenge by @leavelesstree  🟩⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️  ‼️‼️💡 Reaching out to the Philosophy people ⬜️⬜️⬜️ ‼️❗️📞 Dispeling my doubts related to the move (formal) 🟨🟨 ‼️❗️✍️ Editing my WiP ⬜️ ‼️💻 Working on my Computer Science project (figuring out how to use docker compose or something similar) ⬜️⬜️ ‼️🔢 Maths in English - Precalculus (Khan Academy) ⬜️⬜️⬜️ ‼️📧 Sharing my WiP with one person to whom I promised it ⬜️  ‼️💶 Learning a specific thing about financial matters in the Netherlands  🟨 ‼️📋 Scheduling meetings with people I’d like to see before I leave 🟩🟩 ⬜️ ❗️🗺 Sending an email and receiving an answer to my question ⬜️⬜️ ❗️💼 Gathering information about internship opportunities (🇪🇺) 🟩 ❗️📱 Texting people whom I haven’t talked to in a while 🟩(🟩) 🧠 Meditation: 5 minutes  🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 📖 Digital Technology and Economy reading list - week 3 🟩🟩⬜️(⬜️)  🔔 Reminding two people about something 🟨⬜️ 

Current tasks

👆 Dealing with the backlog (recovery)  🔳🟧⬜️🟨⬜️ ⬜️⬜️⬜️🟨🟨 ⬜️🟩🟩🟩🟨 🟧 🔛🏳️‍🌈 Requesting a document ⬜️  🔛🏫 Requesting some other documents  🟨🟨 (e-mail sent) 🔛📄 Writing a cover letter for a scholarship  ⬜️  🏤 Sending the necessary documents  🟩 💉 Making appointments ⬜️⬜️ 🩻 Appointments  🟩🟩 🧺 Organizing, washing, and gathering my clothes (the first round) 🟩🟨⬜️ 💻 Webinar about insurance in the Netherlands 🟩 🛡 Arranging the insurance  ⬜️  👥 Meeting with friends 🟩 📋 Arranging another meeting with my former (primary school) classmates 🟧 💌 Wishing my friend happy birthday  🟩 📑 Thing my (former) teacher told me to do 🟥 (I decided it’s not worth it) 👨‍💻 Setting up my LinkedIn profile properly and professionally (while continuing to scream internally) ⬜️🟩🟨 🗒 Preparing for the meeting  ⬜️ 💬 Online meeting ⬜️  🏊 Going to the swimming pool  ⬜️ 💼 Gathering information about internship opportunities (🇳🇱) ⬜️ 🔓[👆(3) 💼]  🔢 Maths in English - Precalculus (Khan Academy) ⬜️⬜️⬜️ 🔐[👆(4) 🔢]  📖 Digital Technology and Economy reading list - week 4 ⬜️⬜️ ⬜️⬜️ 🔐[👆(5) 📖] 

Things I had planned to do later, but have already completed them

I might swap them with the non-urgent tasks (🔜)

✅ Asking for my contract and receiving it → to do: carefully reading the contract once again ✅ Buying the fast food instead of endlessly contemplating it ✅ Scheduling a meeting with one of my former teachers ✅ Creating a multilingual retail phrase book → to do: complete all the translations, add het and de to the Dutch nouns, add a spreadsheets with more store-specific vocabulary (clothing, possibly also groceries), possibly add French in collaboration with someone ✅ Listening to a podcast my acquaintance participated in ✅ Checking out an online AI course → to do: completing some tasks. ✅ Making @valiantcoffeelove’s banana pancakes (you’ve been summoned 🤭 they were great!)