#(like..thinking about how he probably just fully enters a complete breakdown after he leaves after everything that happened)

[ahsterism-a]

RICKY BOWEN META - EPISODE NINE 

okay, i have a Lot of thoughts about everything that happened in this episode, and i really need to get it out of my system, so i figured i’d compile a bunch of analysis all into one post. i’m gonna try and organize this into specific categories. 

RICKY & HIS PARENTS

Ricky knew that his mom and his dad were both coming to see the show in advance: he was prepared for this. He was nervous before the show started, obviously shown by how he shows up really early due to “opening night jitters,” which is a combination of never having done a musical before ( because he’s grown to really love being apart of it, he enjoys having somewhere to go after school and finding a family among everyone ), and specifically his mom’s presence ( “It’s just a lot. My mom’s coming tonight, and I’ve technically never been in a musical before ). He’s happy that his mom will be there, but it’s still hard because he misses her, and wants things to be normal. And then when Ricky peeks out from behind the stage and sees his parents, sees them HUG, he grins. He knows that parents split up, knows that these kinds of things happen, but remember he was convinced that they’d work it out. And in addition, he has a hard time dealing with change, so when he sees his parents looking happy together, it feels right. He doesn’t think things are fixed, but they’re together and happy for a moment, and it means the world to him. He doesn’t have to miss his mom for a night, doesn’t have to worry about any of that. 

So he performs, and despite a few technical issues, it’s going pretty great. Until Get’cha Head In The Game. Throughout the entire performance, he’s giving it his all, singing and dancing and smiling-- it’s evident how much EFFORT he’s put into the show ( especially compared to his dancing at the beginning ). And then he’s in the air, glances towards where his parents are sitting...and freezes. Because someone he doesn’t know walks in, and that someone puts an arm around his mom and kisses her on the cheek, and she’s pointing up at him, and he realizes it’s Todd. He already knew his mom had a new boyfriend, even talked to her about it when he called on Thanksgiving night, but in that moment, Ricky is RIPPED right out of his safe space. He’s already had an incredibly hard time adjusting to the divorce, it’s only been about three weeks since she moved out, and he didn’t even get a warning about this beforehand. It’s overwhelming-- he drops the basketball, he tenses, he can’t easily shake this. But he keeps going the best he can, even though he completely loses his sense of what he’s doing, is too wrapped up in suddenly being dragged right back into all his issues in the middle of doing something he’s come to love. 

It boils down to his issues with handling change and the divorce. He gets that his mom is moving on, but it’s too much too soon. He’s hurt, he’s angry, and he’s shaken. 

THE EFFECT THIS HAD ON HIM/GIVING UP HIS ROLE

The second Ricky goes backstage, he asks where Nini is, says he could really use a pep talk. We already knows it’s easiest for him to talk to Nini about these kinds of things, because he says it in episode 4. He’s shaking, seeking comfort. But then Carlos tells him Nini seems nervous, and Ricky IMMEDIATELY pushes aside his own problems to express concern for her. He’s done this with multiple characters a few times-- he’s naturally selfless, and deals with his problems essentially by not dealing with them. He hears about the dean of the art school in the audience, and he quickly realizes that this could change Nini’s life. And Ricky is screwing it up: “My mom’s new boyfriend decided to show up, and I wanna punch a wall. I feel like I need a miracle to face Act Two.” He believes he CAN’T do act two well after this-- he doesn’t think he’s GOOD ENOUGH, especially after all of that, and knows he can’t mess this up for Nini. 

So even though he’s still shaken and hurt and pretty much on the verge of tears, he goes right to E.J., and immediately tells him he has to play Troy. He outright says it: “No, I’m good, just not good enough to help Nini get where she wants to go...I’m screwing up out there! I can’t blow this for Nini.” Again, remember how much EFFORT Ricky put into this show, remember how he found a family with it, and after he messes up, he immediately GIVES THAT UP to give Nini a better shot. It repeats again that he’s selfless, and isn’t confident that he can go on like this, practically demanding that E.J. takes his place. 

He’s nowhere to be found in the preview, but once he isolates himself from the show, for my portrayal it absolutely hits him hard, and the breakdown hinted at goes into full swing. 

RICKY & HIS FEELINGS TOWARDS NINI 

Ricky is still in love with Nini. This is pretty much undeniable at this point. He starts the episode off by showing Big Red a song that he wrote for her. He took time out of his day when he was already nervous about the show to write her a song for opening night, one where he USES the word love. This is incredibly important for Ricky’s character. He went from not being able to say it, freaking out after seeing the post ( reasonably so ), and asking to take a pause, to saying it clearly in Just For A Moment. This isn’t to say he isn’t scared anymore, because he is, he’s still afraid that love means falling apart, still grappling with intimacy issues that stem from his life at home, but when he didn’t say it, they still fell apart. He misses her, not only as a girlfriend, but as his best friend, and so many things he does throughout the season prove how much he cares for her. 

But then they have that conversation in the hallway, and Ricky immediately assumes that she’s going to reject him. Why wouldn’t she? After he almost kissed her in episode 4, she pulled away, and even though she initiated this time, why would it be different? Even though he thought that almost kiss meant something, the second Nini brings it up, he immediately assumes it’ll be another rejection, and brushes it off. He doesn’t want to pressure Nini even further, but in doing so, he causes her to think he’s rejecting her, and it’s just a whole mess of miscommunication. But he couldn’t help it, he still thinks she doesn’t feel the same anymore. 

And then there’s what he does for her at the end, which I already talked about, but again, it shows just how much he cares about her. 

RICKY & HIS CONVERSATION WITH/FEELINGS TOWARDS GINA 

There are a lot of interpretations of this scene and Ricky’s dialogue, and I’m going to preface this by saying I am completely impartial to ships. What I want to do here is accurately analyze Ricky’s headspace at THIS POINT IN TIME. I love their friendship so much, and I’m here for slowburn romance, but currently in the show, he’s confused at best, and absolutely not there yet. 

For starters, Ricky has a reason to be acting as weird as he does. He’s staying closed off because he knows Gina is going to leave again. He knows she can’t stay for long, and doesn’t want to get attached to her being there when he’s just going to lose that again. That’s why he says it’s tough seeing Gina. It’s only been about a week, but he doesn’t want to make things worse for when she’s gone forever. 

And then, there are his feelings towards Gina as a whole. With the absence of Nini in his life, Ricky needed someone around that understood him, needed a friend that could get his complications and fill a missing piece. This isn’t to say that Gina was a rebound, because she ISN’T-- Ricky genuinely cares for her. But in Nini’s absence, he assumes that this sudden connection with Gina means he might have feelings for her. She makes him happy and he enjoys spending time with her, but it isn’t love, at least not at this point in time. Remember Ricky’s struggle with the word love-- hell, he’s known Nini since kindergarten and he still couldn’t say it. He doesn’t operate that fast, and given his feelings for Nini are still there, he doesn’t do a complete 180 with Gina. Still, Ricky thinks he might like Gina romantically, and I’m not saying he can’t, but right now, he was confused. 

Gina moves away, and Ricky is hurt-- he’s dealing with his parents separating and losing a friendship he valued and his mom’s new boyfriend, but amidst this, he and Nini were able to connect again, and the feelings that Ricky got confused and started to project were brought back to their original source. He’s also confused when Gina returns, because he thought he  might have had feelings for her, but he’s not sure if that’s really the case. He says “I’m not who I was a week ago,” because then, he was misinterpreting his own feelings. And then he says “Or maybe I’m just back to who I always was” NOT AS A REGRESSION OF HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, but to establish to the audience that he’s realizing his feelings for Nini never really left. His character development isn’t going backwards, and he and Nini don’t regress one another ( would episode 1 Ricky write a song using the word love and be devoted to performing in a musical? ). They’re just having trouble with communication, which is completely normal for teenagers. 

Also, remember that Ricky clings to normalcy. His life has told him over and over that change is negative, he doesn’t know how to handle it. Of course this all going to confuse him-- he’s a teenage boy dealing with a lot even outside of romantic feelings. The potential to like Gina is there, but his feelings for Nini are still genuine, and that doesn’t mean he’s going backwards. If he does have genuine feelings for Gina, he’d suppress them, both because she’s leaving and he still loves Nini. There’s nothing stopping him from having complicated feelings towards multiple people, that’s completely normal. Currently, his headspace is in a state where he is still in love with Nini and confused at best about Gina-- there’s still potential there, but the important thing is understanding the characters beneath the pairings and where they are now. 

[rickmandowneyjr]

Cuts to Cope

Angst, fluff Pairing: Severus Snape and Student!Reader (platonic) Warning: talk of self-harm, mentions of character's death Word Count: 2348 A/N: This is a little piece I wrote a while ago but didn't know if I should post or not. After re-doing certain bits, I decided to upload it. Hope it's not too difficult to read. As always, the ending is a little abrupt and not too detailed, leaving it sort of up to y'all as well :) Sorry if there are any typos (I only ever get the time to write when it's quite late nowadays)

Yet another day at Hogwarts - waking up at 6:30 am, showering, getting dressed in your robes, and heading to breakfast. Wishing everyone you passed a good morning, wearing your signature smile as you did.

You were a 7th year, one of the few returning ones after last year's incident with Cedric Diggory. He'd been your best friend, or at least that's what people thought. Cedric Diggory and you had been dating for the last 7 months before his death. You didn't want anyone knowing because being star students meant eyes prying into every aspect of your relationship.

People praised you, a model student and now, prefect, who set an example. An example of how to be strong and cope no matter what life threw at you. Little did they know, you harboured a little secret. A dark, horrifying, and disturbing secret that would never let anyone look at you the same way if they ever found out.

Your first class for the day was Potions. You were a brilliant student, especially at Potions, yet Snape still had something against you. You didn't take it personally, though; he wasn't really fond of anyone. You walked into class, taking your regular seat at the front. Snape walked into class a little while later, slamming the door behind him, commanding everyone's attention.

"Turn to page 420," he drawled. You opened the book to find the recipe for Amortentia. Your heart felt a tug at the name of the love potion, never having been able to find out the answers with Cedric.

Snape's deep voice brought your focus back to class as he said, "Since it takes a week to brew, I've already completed most of the process. All you need to do is the last day's work," making the class sigh with relief. "However," he continued, "The last day of brewing is crucial and not easy. So, I expect your attention to be fully on the task at hand."

You began brewing the potion, following the steps perfectly. Snape sat down to grade papers as the class worked. He looked at you and said, "Ms. [L/N], roll up your sleeves while you work. I'd hate for there to be mishaps in my class because of one student's carelessness."

You hesitated, but then did as asked. You weren't the best at wandless magic but had made sure to perfect this spell solely for such instances. As you rolled your sleeves, you subtly waved your hand over your forearms, mumbling, "Illusiont," and casting the disillusionment charm.

You saw Snape narrow his eyes at you and panicked for a second before you saw him shake his head and return to grading. Breathing a sigh of relief, you returned to the task at hand and continued brewing.

After a while, you'd finished, and were the first one to have done so. Snape walked over to your desk and took a whiff of the potion, raising an eyebrow before giving you a single nod of approval, letting you know that it was perfect. Once everyone was done, he walked around, starting at the back, and asked everyone to announce what they smelled. You hadn't smelled your Amortentia yet and hadn't planned on doing so either, feeling quite relieved when Snape hadn't asked that question earlier.

Your heart rate quickened as you began to worry about how your body and mind would react to smelling it. You couldn't do it last year, since the Triwizard tournament had led to a bunch of classes being cancelled. As you thought about how excited you had been at the prospect of sharing the experience with Cedric, Snape's voice pulled you back to your potions class.

"Ms. [L/N]."

"Yes, sir?"

He rolled his eyes in annoyance. "What. Do. You. Smell," he spoke, irritation evident in every word.

You swallowed hard as you leaned forward to inhale the scent. Your pupils dilated, your heartbeat quickened and your knees threatened to give out at the all-too-familiar fragrance. Your throat went dry as you stopped the tears from forming.

"Well? We haven't got all day, class is to be dismissed soon." He raised an eyebrow at you, asking you to hurry up since you were the last one.

With every ounce of energy, you calmed yourself and stopped your voice from wavering. "Old books, butterscotch and... vanilla," you sighed. Your breathing was erratic and you knew you needed to get out of class and get to the abandoned girls' washroom.

As if on cue, the bell rang, dismissing the class. Snape gave you an odd look and was about to ask you what was wrong but you had already gathered your belongings and were marching out the door. He decided to follow you since he'd never seen you act like that before and was wondering what had happened to you all of a sudden.

You made your way up the stairs, hurrying before you had a breakdown in the middle of the hallway. As you reached the washroom, you started rummaging through your bag since the hallway was empty. You took the small blade that you carried around out, pushing the door to the bathroom open.

Snape's POV

I followed her out of the classroom. Though not my favourite, [Y/N] was an incredible witch and this wasn't normal behaviour for her. She'd marched out before I had even dismissed class which concerned me even more, given her usually 'perfect' behaviour. She paced through the hallways and up the stairs so fast that I could've sworn she was moving around faster than I did on a normal basis. There was an urgency in her stride and I don't know why, but it concerned me.

She finally turned into the hallway leading to the girls' washroom on the third floor, which was odd. No one used this, as far as I was aware. I was a little embarrassed, considering I'd just followed a young girl to a washroom. In an isolated area, at that. I swear I never would've imagined myself going even further and following her in, but what I'd seen had shocked and concerned me enough to do just that.

End of Snape's POV

As you entered the bathroom, you had missed Snape, whose eyes were wide with shock. He couldn't believe what he'd seen. [Y/N] [L/N], the golden girl of Hogwarts, had just walked into an abandoned washroom after pulling out a blade from her bag. Not wanting to jump to any conclusions, he rushed in, wanting to confirm what his eyes had just seen.

As you were about to enter a stall, the door to the bathroom, swung open, making you jump. You hid the blade by making a fist, unintentionally cutting into your palm. You winced at the unexpected pain but didn't let it show.

You turned to face Professor Snape, and he was eyeing your hand. 'There's no way he saw it, is there?' you thought.

"Ms. [L/N], care to show me your hands?"

You panicked. He knew. You tried to divert his attention. "Sir, this is the girls' washroom."

"I'm aware," he stated. "Now... Hands," he said as he glared at you, letting you know that he wouldn't fall for any attempts to change the subject.

You sighed and opened your hands, and saw his gaze soften. He walked to you taking your hand in his as he gently pulled the razor out. You winced as it came out, knowing this would impair you for the rest of your classes.

"What were you thinking?!" He scolded, startling you. He reached for your arm, rolling up your sleeves once again and muttered, "Finite."

The scars on your arms started showing up and you couldn't do anything but look away, your eyes resting anywhere but his gaze.

"So that was the Disillusionment Charm I heard you use, earlier."

You stayed silent, still refusing to meet his eyes. Of all the professors, it had to be him. Sure, he wasn't fond of you, but you had immense respect for the man, and to let him see you in this light... it took every bit of you to not lose your composure.

"Look at me," he said.

You turned to face him. His usually cold eyes showed too much concern and the uncharacteristic response from the potions master was proving to be a lot to handle. Tears stung your eyes as he stared at you.

"Why?" He asked, his voice so genuine that you couldn't help but let your emotions spill, creating a mess that you couldn't be bothered to care about anymore.

"I can't do this anymore," you sniffled. "I don't want to. He was everything to me and it just hurts so much."

"Who?"

"Cedric."

"Ah, yes. I'm aware you and Mr. Diggory were best friends. I'm sorry, [Y/N]."

"No," you said, finally being able to talk to someone about it. "He was my boyfriend. And... I never got to tell him I loved him... because I wasn't sure. Today just made it worse when I smelled him in my Amortentia. It confirmed that I did and I never got to say it." You were sobbing now, not caring what you looked like, what a mess you probably were, or what Snape was thinking of you and your confession.

You felt him awkwardly wrap his arms around you as he pulled your head to his chest. Your cries got louder and your wails of agony echoed in the empty washroom as your hands clutched the fabric of his robes. The feeling of someone comforting you was overwhelming. You'd always had to keep up this image of a perfect student, reliable friend, someone who could never have such horrifying tendencies.

Even then, as you cried out loud, your instinct made you bury your face in his chest, muffling the 'ugly' sobs. Snape's heart broke as your thoughts flooded his mind. As you struggled to breathe, he turned your head slightly, making you audible again. He didn't hush you; just stroked your hair as your tears soaked his robes.

It took a while, but you finally calmed down, your sobs reducing to soft whimpers before they died out entirely. Your throat was sore, and lips, chapped from all the crying. Your eyes were red and puffy, and the reality of the situation finally came crashing down on you.

Your secret was out. More than one, at that. One of the professors knew, and the strictest one too. You had just spent Merlin knows how long crying into his chest, which was now soaked with your tears.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled, your voice, hoarse. "Your robes are all wet now," you said, trying to move away.

"That's the least of my worries right now," he said, keeping your head in place as he continued, "I understand what you're going through. Better than you'd know." It sounded like it was painful for him to talk about it, the tone of his voice giving the vulnerability away. "But this is not the way to deal with it," he said as rubbed your back.

"Does it go away?"

"I'll be honest," he sighed. "It does get lesser with time if you allow yourself to heal. However, it never goes away entirely. A part of you will always love and miss him. I'm sorry," he said.

"No, I'm glad. I don't want to forget him. Or my love for him. Cedric Diggory was and will always be - my first love."

You finally pulled away from his chest and looked him in the eyes as he gave you a gentle smile. You managed to muster a somber one and sighed.

"Do any of your friends know?"

"Merlin, no!"

"Why not? They're your friends. They could-"

"I can't have this getting out. Everyone will-"

"Who cares what people think?" He raised his voice. It was silent for a while before he sighed and spoke again.

"[Y/N], I want you to promise me something."

You knew what was coming. You gulped and nodded softly.

"I want you to promise me that you'll stop this. Cedric wouldn't want this for you."

"I know, and I've tried before. It's not that simple-"

"I know," he said, cutting you off. "Which is why, the next time you get the urge to do this, you'll come to me. No matter what the situation might be."

You were surprised at his words. It was incredibly nice of him to offer this to you, and you nodded, accepting his generosity.

"Also," he continued, "Please stop going to such great lengths to please others and worrying about what others think. It's not healthy."

"But-"

"But nothing. Your health is suffering and you can't even bring yourself to tell anyone because you're so busy keeping up this little charade of 'everything is fine'."

You stayed silent. There was truth in his words and you couldn't refute his accusations. You just looked up at him, once again, finding the uncharacteristic concerned look meeting your gaze. Nodding softly, you agreed. How could you not when someone had shown you such consideration and compassion?

A small smile graced his usually stoic face as he helped you up, and you both made your way out of the bathroom. He escorted you back to your dormitories, ensuring you were alright before the two of you parted ways.

The rest of the school year passed and Snape stayed true to his word, and you to yours. Every time you felt the urge to hurt yourself to relieve the pain, you'd find Snape. He was patient and helped you every step of the way. Slowly, but surely, you were able to overcome your urges and also found yourself living for yourself, rather than up to others' expectations.

By the time you graduated, you had overcome the habit and thanked Snape in your graduation speech, never giving away the details as to why. A lot of people had assumed there was something between the two of you, especially since you went to meet him all through the school year, but you didn't let it bother you, because... Who cares what people think, right?

-

P.S. - Sorry I've been a little slow with the writing. My college assignments have started rolling in and I'm currently swamped. Also, I'm working on a little something (announcing it in 2-3 days so make sure to check in lol). Rest assured, I'm slowly and steadily making my way through requests. Thank you for understanding <3

[smoochkooks]

—hymne a l’amour (m.)

⟶ pairing: park jimin/reader

⟶ genre: smut, fluff, tiny bits of angst

⟶ word count: 5.5k

⟶ summary: it’s valentine’s day and your boyfriend decides to surprise you in more ways than one. and when you’re dating park jimin, cocky, smart and obnoxiously good-looking archeologist, you can be sure of absolutely nothing.

⟶ warnings: dom!jimin, sub!reader, big dick!jimin, sir kink, oral (m receiving), thigh riding, multiple orgasms, orgasm denial, ass slapping, dirty talk, use of degrading names, unprotected sex, mentions of jimin having a daddy kink, jimin being disgustingly sweet boyfriend, oc having at least 2 (two) mental breakdowns, cringy valentine’s day presents

this is eldorado valentine’s day special but it can be read as a standalone. enjoy! xx

Spending Valentine's Day in the city of Paris is like walking through the streets of Beijing and smelling the strong essence of soy sauce and chicken every time you take a breath.

Overwhelming.

(Or at least that's what you think is a good comparison, since you've never stood your foot in Beijing before.)

Paris seems to be on another level when it comes to celebrating Valentine's Day. It's because that's the city of love, someone may say, but no, my friend, it's not just that. French grammar isn't the only stupid thing about said country. Citizens are even weirder, in more ways than one. It's the Eiffel Tower and the smell of garlic that disguises it all when you first visit France.  

A week before February 14th, restaurants, cafees and grocery shops are all covered from head to toe in red hearts, chubby cupids, big teddy bears, various kinds of roses and, at the top of that – everywhere you focus your eyes on, you spot those huge inscriptions where words ‘love’ and ‘I love you’ are spelled in hundred different types of swirly fonts.

It's all too kitschy for your liking but tourists and locals don’t actually mind it even a bit. Once a year Paris turns into a set of the most cliché rom-com and no matter how irksome it might feel, you just have to survive this festival of boofonery.

You've always despised Valentine's Day with every fiber of your being (mostly because you hadn’t had anyone you could actually spend this day with) but your judgement took a sharp three-sixty turn when certain blond, charismatic man entered your life. Now, while you’re happily taken, a romantic dinner and a bouquet of red roses don’t sound that bad.  

But when you're dating someone like Park Jimin, a smart-ass, cocky and obnoxiously good-looking archeologist, you can be sure of abosultely nothing.  

It's a little past ten, you’re laying in your king-size bed, a day before the actual Valentine's Day. Jimin informed you he was going to be late for dinner because of some extra paperwork he had to do in the office, so you patiently wait for him. Wrapped like a fancy Christmas gift in a new pair of flimsy, lacy lingerie you recently bought in Victoria’s Secret, all hidden underneath Jimin's baggy t-shirt (the combination of casual and slutty never fails to drive him crazy). The set is cute, in a baby pink colour. The last time you pulled a move like this, Jimin went hard, literally and lyrically.

Let's just say that Park Jimin (and his dick) likes high-quality underwear.

Dating Jimin has taught you a few things, one of them being that his sex drive is insatiable, so you always need to be prepared. That’s why you're now laying here, on your bed, freshly shaved and smelling of coconut, your precious pussy ready to be worshipped by Jimin's mouth.  

When you hear the familiar jingle of keys and the door to your apartment swings open, you squeal in excitement, grabbing your phone from the nightstand to scroll through it mindlessly so you don’t come across a girl whose only purpose in life is to get dicked down by her boyfriend.

(Which, right now, is your only purpose.)

“Babe, I’m home!”

You hear Jimin pulling off his shoes and coat, so you shout back, “I’m in the bedroom!”

He seemed to be in a good mood in the morning and if nothing's changed, you're positive about getting some action tonight. A well-deserved orgasm after work it's all you crave. You squeeze your thighs, and wait.

“God, I’m so fucking exhausted.” Jimin announces upon entering the room and as soon as those words leave his mouth, he collapses face down onto the bed. His lifeless corpse smells like sweat mixed with his usual cologne and you wrinkle your nose in disgust.

And that’s on getting railed by your boyfriend tonight.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he murmurs after a moment, voice laced with tiredness. He grunts and lifts himself up to place a chaste kiss on your lips. He tastes like bitter coffee and it makes you cringe, but you kiss him back nonetheless. He pulls off too fast for your liking and nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck instead. He cuddles into your side, mumbling something about you feeling warm.

In your head, you count. When was the last time you two had sex? Right, last Tuesday. Oh boy, what a night it was. Your ass still hurts a little while sitting on a chair, a byproduct of your boyfriend's palm landing smack after smack on your cheeks. Lesson learned: never smile too broadly to the waiter who blatantly flirsts with you. You're sure the whole appartment complex heard that night who makes you feel that good  

(As if they don’t already know.)

See? Park Jimin is unpredictable.

“How was work?’’ you decide to ask instead, clearing your thoughts from the inappropriate images of Jimin’s bare body pressed to yours as he fucked you that night. You thread your fingers through his blond locks just the way he likes, massaging his scalp.

He sighs, his words muffled when he speaks. “This new employee can’t do shit. I had to prepare everything before tomorrow's expedition by myself,” he says. “I have to tell Namjoon to fire his ass.”  

You falter your movements for a second. Right, the expedition. You completely forgot about it. Jimin's going to be out of town for the whole day, digging in the soil in some French village the name of you cannot pronounce.

It looks like your fancy lingerie has to wait for her big premiere a little longer.  

“What time are you planning to be back home?” you ask.

“Dunno. Probably late.” Jimin exhales loudly, his breath tickling your neck. His hand travels to your nude thigh, giving it a firm squeeze. You fight back a moan that threatens to spill from you mouth. You really need to get laid soon. “We set off at 6am.” he adds, tracing circles on your bare skin. Your smile drops.

So the plans for morning sex on Valentine's Day stay where they belong. In your dreams.  

“You're so soft. And you smell like coconuts. I could stay like this forever.” Jimin mumbles, circling your waist with his arms and pulling you even closer to him.  

You sigh, basking in this situation just for a while, stroking Jimin's hair and listening to his steady breathing until he eventually falls asleep. Still fully clothed, still with his hand on your thigh. Carefully, so you don’t wake him up, you get up from the bed to take off your underwear. You do feel a little disappointed, but it's okay.  

When you settle yourself on the bed next to Jimin again, your back facing him, a strong arm pulls you flush to his body. You hear him sighing with relief, and it makes you smile to yourself.  

Lights off, everything can wait for tomorrow.

In the morning, just like expected, you wake up alone. There's no sight of Jimin, his side of the bed empty and cold. For your dismay, there’s no bouquet of red roses waiting for you in the kitchen, no box of chocolates or a small, cheesy note with your name written on it. Not even a short “Happy Valentine's Day, baby!” text on your phone. Absolutely nothing.  

You tells yourself it’s fine. Maybe Jimin didn’t have enough time, maybe he was too occupied with expedition to prepare something special, maybe the big surprise is yet to come. However, you can’t quite shake off the feeling that something do seem odd and it makes you anxious. Leaving without a single text is not Jimin's style. Not when it's your first Valentine's Day spend together.

You probably shouldn’t worry that much. It's not a big deal, after all you hate those types of annual holidays and Jimin knows it. Yet something about the whole situation makes you uncontrollably uneasy. You have never been like this, vulnerable and sheepish. You hate Park Jimin for turning you into such a softie.

Walking through the streets of Paris makes you feel nauseous. You look at all the happy couples sucking each others’ faces for everyone to see and fight an urge to gag. Someone shouts “Love is in the air!” and you almost throw up. Everytime you see someone holding heart-shaped balloons or flowers, you whip your head in other direction. It's nothing, you keep reminding yourself. A stupid holiday that doesn’t mean anything at all.

But the actual nail to the coffin happens to be the atmosphere in Eldorado headquarters. It drives you absolutely crazy.

It's 12am and still no word from Jimin. You checked: this bastard was online one hour ago, so he just doesn’t want to talk to you. Fine, mister. If this is how you wanna play, try sucking your dick by yourself, beacuse I’m not getting near it anytime soon, you think to yourself, filled with rage.

Yeri wiggles her pretty eyebrows at you and asks about your plans for tonight. You fake a giggle, saying that Jimin will probably surprise you with something when he gets back from his expedition. The words taste bitter on your tongue, especially when the high hopes you had simply melted away this morning. Your friend then starts babbling about the restaurant she's going to with Jungkook after work and you listen to her rant with forced smile on your face the whole time.

Meanwhile, a few meters away from you Hoseok is giggling like a teenager, typing something on his phone, without a doubt (sex)texting his girlfriend. She's out of town and you’re more than sure Hoseok hasn't gone to bathroom ten minutes ago just to take a piss. Even Namjoon is in a pleasant mood today, humming some old ABBA hits under his breath. Yesterday he couldn’t shut up about his date with a girl who’s also his new neighbour. He met her when she came by to give him homemade croissants. Ironically, that sounds a lot like some kdrama lovestory to you, and Namjoon hates kdramas.

During lunch time, you scroll through your Instagram and almost slam your phone on the wall. There's a new photo uploaded on Kim Seokjin's account.  

kimseokjin92: Celebrating Valentine's Day on Maldives w @minsuga #couplegoals #boyfriends #valentinesday #loveislove

They are on fucking Maldives. Fucking Maldives! You grit your teeth. It's fine. Completely fine.

But the absolute peek, the moment when you almost break down into tears and curl yourself into a ball of misery, comes in the person of Jeon Jungkook. He enters the office with a bouquet of the most beautiful red roses you have ever seen, a huge grin plastered on his stupid face.

Your heart clenches in your chest. Park Jimin could never.  

Jungkook hands Yeri the flowers and she laughs, slapping his chest when he starts declaiming Romeo's monologue from the Shakespeare’s tragedy. He then kisses his girlfriend deeply and lovingly, making her cheeks flush in crimson. Hoseok coos at them, Namjoon following him. You swear you saw Jungkook's tongue in the process of said heavy make out session.  

(Jealously is an awful emotion, you've decided a long time ago.)

An hour later, the bouquet stands proudly on Yeri’s desk and you stare at it with melancholy. You briefly avert your gaze to Jimin's desk and the memories flash before your eyes. The same desk he had you bent over, skirt bunched around your waist and cock drilling into your pussy, when you both stayed together at work after hours not so long ago.  

You mentally slap yourself. Get your shit together, woman. It's not like he broke up with you. It's just some stupid holiday. It's nothing.

“Something's wrong?’’ Yeri asks you with genuine concern written on her face.  

You swallow, forcing yourself to smile. “No, everything's fine. Just a headache.”  

She eyes you suspiciously. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” you say. Even though your friend doesn’t look convinced, she eventually stops bothering you.

It's all good. My boyfriend forgot about our first Valentine's Day together but everything's alright. No worries, you want to say instead.  

Later that day, when you exit the elevator and walk straight to your apartment, a strange smell of something burning fills your nostrils. Is that food? A real fire? No, that's definitely some meat that stayed too long in the oven.

The closer you are, the smell becomes stronger, like it’s actually coming from your apartment. You furrow your eyebrows.

“What the fuck.” you mutter to yourself.  

When you open the door, your jaw falls slack, eyes wide like saucers.

Never, in your entire life, had you thought  you would see Park Jimin, your own dearest boyfriend, popping out from the kitchen with his hair disheveled, sweat coating his forehead, wearing a black suit underneath the most ridiculous apron you have ever seen: pink with a big-ass ‘mr good lookin is cookin' written in the middle.  

(Can someone remind you why are you dating him? Oh, thank God he isn’t naked underneath.)

He looks completely lost when he spots you, waving awkwardly in your direction. It's probably the first time he touched something in the kitchen that isn’t coffee machine. He’s so flustered that you almost forget he nearly turned your apartment into ashes.

“Hi, babe.” he says sheepishly.

It takes all the willpower you hold not to spit a lung watching your boyfriend who absolutely hates cooking, trying to look unimpressed by the smell of burnt food. He does a pretty poor job though, an apron not helping in the situation.

“Happy Valentine's Day!’’ he exclaims perhaps a bit too enthusiastically, approaching you and planting a kiss on your cheek. And after that, you burst into hysterical laughter.  

(Seriously, you almost lose your own breath three times.)

Jimin looks terrified but most importantly – put out. You’re probably hurting his enormous, almost the size of Russia pride right now. (Not your fault Jimin has the biggest praise kink on the planet.)  

“Why are you laughing? Is it because of the chicken? Fine, I can’t cook for shit but I tried, okay? I didn’t have enough time and it was the middle of the night in Korea so I couldn’t just facetime my mum for advice and-”

You interrupt his rambling with a searing kiss, effectively shutting him up. He falters for a moment but quickly catches up, pulling you closer to him, placing his hands on your waist and deepening the kiss.  

But then, when his about to trail kisses down your throat, you hit his arm.

“What was that for?!” Jimin yelps, looking at you with astonishment.

“I thought you fucking forgot about the Valentine’s Day!” you yell, slapping his chest. “Why didn't you tell me about this?!”

“Because the definition of surprise says you can’t reveal it sooner?” he reponds in a mocking tone.

“Oh, shut up.” you grumble and pull him in for another kiss. You could feel him smiling into it, cheekily biting onto your lower lip. He places a loving peck on your forehead and brushes the strands of your hair behind your ears. There's so much affection in his eyes you could melt into a puddle right here and there.

“I’m sorry. Jungkook told me you looked upset the whole day.” he whispers.

“I wasn't!” you protest.

“He told me you almost cried when he gave Yeri a bouquet of red roses.”  

This stupid brat.

You look up at Jimin. “Fine. I was mad. And sad. Everyone was having the time of their lives and here I was, on a verge of mental breakdown because my idiot of a boyfriend supposedly forgot about the Valentine's Day.” you say, crossing your arms over chest with a pout.  

Jimin rolls his eyes and takes your hand, leading you to the living room, where a bottle of (your absolute favourite) wine is standing on the table, along with candles and, yes, red roses. It's too cheesy and straight from the cringy rom-coms but you don't mind, because it's Jimin and he poured his heart into this and it's all that matters.

When he approaches you again, he isn’t wearing that stupid apron and you blush at how perfect he looks, almost painfully handsome. His hair needs a cut so it’s pushed back from his forehead. God reincarnated in the form of a smart, cocky archeologist who happens to be your boyfriend.

You're, well, in your black jeans and baby blue sweater and you probably stink, but Jimin assures you with his loving touches he doesn’t mind, never will. He always does that, looking at you with those sparkling eyes which say you're the most beautiful thing in the world for him.

And it doesn't matter how many times you scold him throughout the day, how many banters you have over silly things, because at the end of the day, in each others’ embraces, it feels like home for the both of you.

“Since the chicken chickened out,” Jimin says nonchalantly, filling your glasses with red wine. “We can always get drunk and watch some old romantic movies.”

You smirk. “You cried the last time when we watched ‘When Harry met Sally’.”  

Jimin clicks his tongue. “Don't test my patience, sweetheart or you won't get the presents.” he warns.

You raise your eyebrows. You hope one of them comes in the form of his dick. Suddenly, you’re reminded of your lingerie set, so you make a mental note to wear it after the shower. “Can I see those presents now?” you ask, looking at Jimin with pleading eyes. It's exactly three seconds till he softens.  

“Fine.” he mutters and heads to the bedroom.

When he comes back, he’s not alone. Literally not alone, because he's caring the most hilarious Valentine’s present you could ever think of. A giant, white teddy bear, almost in the size of him, heart-shaped balloons attached to his right paw.

“This is,” Jimin whips his head to read the name on the bear's chest. “Ted.”  

You blink. “You bought me a teddy bear named Ted?”  

Jimin opens his mouth to say some witty comment but he stops when he hears you sob. “Baby, sweetheart, what's wrong?” He kneels in front of you, the bear long forgotten on the floor. You burst into tears and Jimin tries to calm you down, rubbing soothing circles on your thighs.

Once you eventually stop crying and regain your normal breathing, you wipe your tear-strained cheeks and look down at your very much worried boyfriend. “You are an idiot, Park Jimin. A fucking idiot. That teddy bear is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen and I should humiliate you for giving me that but...” You take a deep breath. “But I can’t. Because I fucking love you, dumbass.”

The corners of Jimin lips lift in amusement but you’re clearly not done with your little speech, so he waits until you finish. “You organized the most cliché date ever. You read all the Grey's books. You can’t cook for shit and this stupid apron you wore? God have mercy,” You visibly cringe. “You declaim Greek philosophers when you shower. Fuck, you persuaded me to do teacher-student roleplay and I kept calling you daddy during the whole thing because you asked me to. You are everything I despise but at the same time I love you so much,” you say, tears once again welling in your eyes. “I’m sorry I’m telling you this now, even though I've realised this a long time ago.”

Jimin’s silent, so unlike him, declaring his emotions with a huge grin this time. He stands up and picks your body into his arms. You wrap your legs around his waist as he walks you both to your bedroom. He places you gingerly onto the mattress, hovering over your figure.

(Your fancy lingerie can wait for another occasion.)

“I love you too, ___.” he says, staring into your eyes. “You’re making me the happiest man in this world.”  

You roll your eyes, however there’s no use for that because your cheeks are already tainted red. “Oh, stop being such a sap.”  

He smirks. “You love when I’m like this.”  

“That is, in fact, not true.”  

You’re lying and he knows it, but he always lets you banter with him like this anyway.  

“Then what do you want me to be today?” he asks, his hands travel down to your zipper, then pull down your jeans. “Sweet? Loving?” He helps you take off your sweater and you’re left with nothing on beside your underwear. “Or do you want me to be rough? Push you around and fuck you stupid?” You gulp, your attitude successfully shut down. “Come on, use your words.”  

Somehow, you manage to gain your composure. “Want you to take off your clothes first.”  

Jimin chuckles, lowly and with a promise of more to come if you’re patient and behaving well, according to his commands. “You’re not the one to give orders here, baby.” he retorts. Then, he’s gripping your knees, pulling your legs apart and putting your pussy on full display for him.  

There’s already a dark, wet patch forming on your grey panties and he tsks disapprovingly. “You’re wet and I haven’t even touched you yet. You want it that much, huh?”  

You nod. “Please, touch me.”  

“Try again.”  

So he’s in that mood today. You’ve explored a fair share of kinks with Jimin so far and what you know for sure is that he always takes the leading role in bed. He likes to dominate, be the one in charge, railing you into the mattress until you’re crying out so loud your neighbours are banging on your walls.  

You slip into your role naturally, your usual confident behaviour gone and replaced with timidity. He relishes in seeing you like this, helpless and vulnerable, a stark contrast to how you act on daily basis.  

Jimin pins you with his dark stare and you give in. ‘”Yes, sir.”  

“Good girl.”  

He rewards you with a feather-like touch of his fingers on your pussy. He finds your clit with ease, rubbing it with practiced strokes until more juices drip down from your hole, wetting your panties embarrassingly fast. Your legs shake with want for more, to feel him sink his digits knuckle-deep into your cunt and finger you like he did that one time in a bathroom on your flight to Japan.  

He doesn’t seem the slightest bothered with your state, ignoring your pleading eyes and wanton moans. He hasn’t even taken off your underwear yet and you’re already on the verge of an orgasm.  

Jimin knows your body inside and out, probably better than you do, so it doesn’t come as a surprise to you that he can sense when you’re about to climax. He withdraws his hand from your center seconds before your release. You can’t help but huff with annoyance.

“Something's wrong, babygirl?” he asks, saccharine-sweet and annoyingly innocent.  

Your retort dies on your tongue the moment he decides to unbutton his white dress shirt. You’re too distracted with delicious lines of his sculpted chest to complain about your denied pleasure anymore. Your hands itch to touch him but you stay immobile, devouring him with your eyes instead.  

Jimin notices you're staring and smirks. “Like what you see?”  

You nod. “Yes, sir.”  

He then stands up from the bed and motions for you to come closer. You oblige without an ounce of confusion, crawling until you’re sitting on your heels in front of him. It’s a rather humiliating position but you can’t help but feel the rush of adrenaline in your veins when he cups your chin and tilts your head up.  

“Take off my pants.”  

You rush to obey, unbuckling his belt with shaky hands because you know what’s coming next once his pants are pulled down. He’s already hard, the prominent bulge of his cock straining in his briefs.  

“Now my underwear.”  

You nearly moan out loud when his cock slaps his abdomen, mouth salivating to take him in deep but you don’t dare touch him without a directed instruction. He makes sure your eyes are on him and starts stroking himself, spreading the precum all over his length, hissing when his thumb rubs the sensitive head of his cock.  

Jimin groans, low and throaty, and you whimper quietly in response. “What, baby? You want my cock that much?” he asks, his left palm cupping your cheek. You whisper a meek “Please” and he chuckles. “Come on then. Show me what that slutty mouth of yours can do. Open up.”  

Your lips part on command and you nearly moan when he guides his cock into your mouth. You’ve sucked Jimin's dick enough times to know what he likes, what brings him to the edge quicker than hitting the back of your throat. You lick the tip of his cock, eyes darting to check his reaction and, just as you expected, his features twist in pleasure.  

You relish in a minute or two of the control you have over him before he grows bored with your teasing and decides to fuck your mouth instead. But for now, you make sure to have him suffer a little for that stunt he pulled earlier when he didn’t make you come.  

You take him deeper, hollowing your cheeks for extra stimulation. Your hands reach to fondle his balls and you smirk around his cock when you hear a groan leave Jimin's mouth. “Good girl,” he murmurs, stroking your cheek. You lean into his touch, moaning at the praise. “My pretty slut.”  

The first hit on the back of your throat makes you gag because fuck, is he big. The only thing bigger than Jimin's ego seems to be his dick, apparently. When he threads fis fingers through your hair you know what’s about to come; jaw relaxed, saliva dripping down from the corners of your mouth, you’re ready to be ruined.  

He withdraws, giving you exactly five seconds to breathe and then pushes forcefully inside. Your mind is filled with mental images of him giving your pussy the same treatment later. You would whimper at the thought, if your mouth wasn’t stuffed full of dick. Instead, you give your best, swallowing every inch of him obediently.  

“That’s it,” he rasps, clamping one hand on the back of your neck for better leverage. “You’re doing so good, baby.” When he nudges the back of your throat again, you feel him throb. He pulls away from the warmth of your mouth seconds later, panting heavily. He falls back onto the bed and pats his thighs. “Come here.”  

You scoot closer to him and crawl onto his lap. He smiles at you from below, pulling you in for a kiss. The hands he previously gripped your waist with now travel upwards, unhooking your bra. Your hips unconsciously move, pussy gliding along the flexed muscles of his thigh.  

Jimin notices your desperate attempt at getting some friction on your most sensitive parts and helps you rock your hips. He moves your panties to the side and you moan, felling the delicious pressure on your bare center. He’s watching with amusement as you’re falling apart on his thigh, thumb reaching to rub your clit. You cry out, climaxing so hard you’re almost seeing stars behind your closed eyelids.

He keeps helping you ride out your high until you’re whimpering from the overstimulation. “Did you like it?” he then asks, urging you to look at him. “You were so desperate to come, sweetheart. Fucking yourself on my thigh like a bitch in heat,” You whine instead of responding, earning a harsh smack on your ass. “Use your words.”  

Another slap lands on your cheek and you mewl. “Yes, I loved it, sir.”  

He chuckles, maneuvering your body so you’re now positioned over his cock. He gives your ass a firm squeeze and you whimper, arousal dripping down the inside of your thighs despite orgasming just minutes ago. “Ride me, baby.” he says.  

You hurry to obey, guiding his cock inside you. It's a tight fit but your wetness makes it smoother to push him deeper. “So big,” you mumble, bottoming out. You know damn well Jimin likes to be praised and if the smirk that stretches on his lips is anything to go by, he enjoys what you just said. “That feels so good, sir.” You start moving your hips languidly.  

“Yeah?” Jimin quips, hands gripping your waist so tightly it almost makes the skin bruise. “Then show me what a good girl you are for me. Fuck, look at you. You’re so hot.” His palms cup your breasts, thumbs stroking your nipples.  

You keen at the praise and quicken your pace. Your thighs start to burn but you ignore that, bouncing on your boyfriend’s dick like there’s no tomorrow. The room is filled with lewd noises, skin slapping on skin. Jimin looks down, staring at his cock coated in your juices as it disappears inside your hole. He curses at the sight.  

Your legs start to shake, huffs leaving your lips. “Sir–please,” you whine, feeling yourself getting closer to the edge.  

“What do you need, babygirl?” he asks, pinching your nipples. You squeal, your pace losing its previous rhythm.  

“I’m so close.” you stammer. “Please–touch me.”  

“Where you do you want me to touch you, baby?” He ignores your whimpers, the way your pussy keeps squeezing his cock in a vice grip. “Here?” He touches your tits again and you shake your head violently. “Or here–” His fingers find your clit and you cry out loudly. You feel so full, his cock hits your cervix every time you drop down onto him.

“Yes, yes,” you chant, mouth wide open and eyes squeezed shut. You probably look right now like a professional porn star but you couldn’t care less, not when you’re so close to the climax. “Sir–fuckfuckfuck, please!”

“There you go,” Jimin coos, circling your sensitive bud with his thumb. “Come for me, baby.”  

You’re gushing around his dick, arousal leaking out of your hole and coating his thighs with your release. Your upper body gives out and you collapse onto Jimin, your cunt pulsing from the intense pleasure you’ve just experienced.  

“Oh god,” you mumble. “I just saw the answer to the whole universe.”  

You feel Jimin's chest shaking with laughter and when you look up, you find him grinning at you. “That good?”  

“That good.” you confirm, sighing tiredly.  

“Are you okay?” You hear him asking. No matter how much he likes to push you around and fuck until you’re seeing stars, he always makes sure if you’re feeling comfortable to continue.  

You spare him a nod. “You know I can handle it,” you say, lifting yourself up. “I’m a tough girl, right?” Despite the oversensitivity, you start rocking your hips again. “M-made for you.”

Jimin smirks. “Yeah, made for me,” he confirms and slaps your ass. Your pussy flatters around his cock. “Not like this,” he mutters and turns you onto your back with one, swift motion. “Much better.”  

You pout. “You didn’t like it when I was riding your cock, sir?” You’re bluffing, but a girl can her fun too.  

He clicks his tongue, guiding his cock through your folds again. “Oh, baby, I was enjoying it very much,” he says, picking up his speed. Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him even closer. “But now I want it harder.”  

He fucks you just like he likes the most; fast and rough, unforgiving. He leans down for a messy kiss that’s all teeth tongue and his eyes nearly bulge out of his head when he sees his saliva dripping down your chin.  

(He decides right here and there that he might wanna explore his newfound fantasy soon.)

Soon you’re feeling the coil in your stomach tightening for the second time, embarrassingly quickly so. You moan, cunt squeezing around his dick. “Again?” Jimin asks, voice laced with both mirth and disbelief. Tears well in your eyes and you give him a nod. “Such a fucking slut.” he spits, slithering himself into you even faster than before.

Your third and final orgasm is so powerful and sudden, it nearly makes you black out. Jimin curses, fucking you through it. “Kiss me,” you whimper deliriously and he obliges, slipping his tongue inside your mouth. “I love you.” you whisper into his lips and that’s what sends him over the edge.

“I love you, I love you–fuck.” he groans and spills himself inside, coating your pussy with his seed.

He collapses next you, chest heaving with every exhale. Your legs feel like jelly and you know you’ll have trouble walking tomorrow. Just when you’re about to tell Jimin to call in sick and spend the whole day in bed instead, he suddenly sits up.

“Wait, I forgot I have another present for us.” he says, rushing to pick something up from underneath the bed.

You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Jimin, I swear to God, if you bought us matching t-shirts–”

He grins like a child, showing you two white pillows, the most basic ones you could ever think of, with ‘his side’ and ‘her side' written on them. It's cringy and ridiculous and you fight an urge to punch him, but you don't.  

Because it's Jimin and you will never complain about it.

Because you love him. And that's all that matters.

[morganas-destiny]

One thing I love most about the "You're not Merlin" scene from 'A servant of two masters' is the fact that it's basically a callback to Merlin and Morgana in 1x01. A royal getting completely naked behind the changing screen, talking to who they think is their servant but is actually their sibling's servant (or soon-to-be servant in Merlin's case and past servant in Gwen's case). And it just makes me think, you know, like what if Morgana had like Arthur walked out, naked, to look at Gwen, only to find Merlin standing there? The logical answer would likely be a lot of screaming, quick hiding and yelling for guards, especially since she didn't know him yet. But the much funnier option would be if she reacted the same way as Arthur. Just having her brain short circuit for a moment and then going "You're not Gwen". And Merlin being like "No. No, I'm not" (I was just gonna leave it at that but I had some time to spare and wrote a little OneShot to go with it lol. Enjoy.)

Why me, was all Merlin could think. Well, that and I should have knocked. He had almost been able to sneak out of the chambers of the Lady Morgana unnoticed, after trying to imitate her maid's voice and hiding behind a dress and whatnot to avoid being caught. But of course, of course, she had decided that she wanted to speak to her maid, and friend, face to face. She had walked out from behind the changing screen and locked eyes with Merlin. And as if that hadn't been bad enough, she had still not been dressed. The king's ward just walked out on him, completely nude. Merlin silently said goodbye to his life because surely, she would scream for the guards to take him to the dungeons and soon after to the chopping block because being caught in the same room as the naked ward of the king would surely cost him head. However, that wasn't what happened. She gave a surprised yelp and grabbed behind the screen, pulling out the gown she had taken off beforehand and pressing it against her body to cover the most important parts. She stared at him wide-eyed and in his quiet panic, all Merlin could do was stare back. A few second ticked by, in which neither said anything. Then Morgana narrowed her eyes. "You're not Gwen.", she stated the obvious. Merlin blinked a few times. "Errr... no. No, I- I just-" His thoughts raced, trying to figure out how to properly explain what exactly was going on. That he never meant to spy on her or get into this situation. His eyes fell on the sleeping draught he had brought and hastily went to pick it up, almost dropping it in the process. "I just came to deliver this. I- I'm new, I came to live with Gaius and- well." He interrupted himself, because he started to trip over his own words and also because he knew; every new word only made it seem more and more like a weak excuse. He could only hope and pray now that the Lady Morgana believed him and would let him go with a warning. "Oh.", she just said though. Oh? Merlin didn't know what to do with that. He gulped, placing the little bottle back on the wooden surface and averted his eyes. His cheeks were flushing more intensely with each passing second. He could feel Morgana's gaze on him. "Do you know where she is? Gwen, I mean.", she asked. Merlin dared to look up again, then slowly shook his head. "Hm.", Morgana only hummed in response. Merlin felt close to a mental breakdown. He wished the girl would just do something. Anything. Shout at him, tell him to get out, for god's sake, at this point, he'd even willingly let the guards take him to the dungeons. Even if he would hate to do that to Gaius. Though losing his head was almost a welcome idea, compared to the terrible uncertainty of this moment. Finally, after what felt like ages, the Lady Morgana opened her mouth again. "I would like to get dressed now." Merlin wanted to cry in relief. He could go. He could go and hopefully forget this incredibly awkward, embarrassing interaction. But no, he'd rejoiced to soon. "Are you familiar with fastenings?" He blinked in surprise and confusion, not realising what she wanted from him. He thought about it. Well, growing up with only a mother meant he had helped with a dress here and there at times. Though he doubted that the simple dresses of his mother were anything in comparison to the expensive, extravagant gowns of a princess. In his helplessness and under the scrutinizing eyes of the Lady Morgana, he only shrugged. "A little." Morgana nodded, as if to say good enough. "Wait there." Merlin's eyes widened and with rising panic, he watched as Morgana disappeared behind the changing screen again. The rustling of fabric indicated that she was putting on her other dress. Nervous sweat dampened the little hairs of Merlin's hairline. This couldn't possinly be really happening. "Alright, you can come.", her voice exclaimed from behind the screen. Merlin's heart near dropped into his pants but he didn't really know what else to do than listen. So, he walked over on wobbly knees and peeked behind the screen.

Upon seeing his cautious gaze, Morgana tilted her head. "Come on. My maid's obviously not here but you are. And considering you're fully dressed, you have an unfair advantage which I can't really allow." Feisty. Unusual for a girl of her standing but Merlin wasn't going to object. He just nodded and lifted his trembling hands to brush away some of her hair, which was even softer to the touch than it looked, and began to fiddle with the fastening. It took him twice as long as necessary and something definitely looked a bit off but he figured it would have to do and stepped back. Morgana shook her hair so that the long locks could freely flow down her body again. "Thank you.", she simply said, but a small smile danced around her lips. "Hm-mhm.", was all Merlin was able to get out. "My lady?" Both of them turned their heads to the door, through which Gwen had just entered, appearing to be rather confused at Merlin's presence. "Gwen!", Morgana greeted cheerily. Then she noticed the way her maid eyed Merlin. "Gwen, this is..." She trailed off, realising that she had never actually learned the name of the stranger who had shown up in her chambers. "Merlin.", he helped out. "But, uh, we know each other." He motioned between himself and Gwen. "Really?" Gwen nodded, hardly able to surpress a giggle. "We met while he was in the stocks." Morgana seemed bewildered for a moment, thinking that she had apparently allowed a criminal to help her with her dress. Gwen, who sensed her mistress's change of mood, quickly went to add: "He's the one who stood up to Arthur." Instantly, the other girl's face lit up again. "Oh, you are?" Merlin rubbed his neck, flustered. "Well..." "He's too humble. I saw it myself. It was very brave.", Gwen grinned, coming closer to the other two. Morgana looked at him with a smirk and a twinkle in her eye. "My, my, so Camelot's very own newest hero helped me with my fastening. I'm honored." The pink in Merlin's cheeks turned bright red. "I-", he croaked out. "I should probably go. Gaius- Gaius is probably waiting for me." Morgana laughed quietly. "You may go." He resisted the urge to exhale in relief and promptly marched towards the door with large steps. "Bye, Merlin.", Morgana's voice sounded one more time behind him. Despite his better instincts, he turned around once more and of course, ran into the doorframe. The two girls stiffled their laughter. Merlin let out a short, nervous chuckle and slipped out into the hallway. As soon as he was out, he allowed himself to breathe again. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to get out of that situation alive but he was glad he did. He just hoped he wouldn't have to step under the Lady Morgana's eyes again soon. Of course he didn't know yet that with his luck, he would earn an official job in the castle as Prince Arthur's manservant just a few hours later.

[fandomfixationstation]

Warning: mention of death of a loved one.

Todays concept is MC gets a call that like their parental figure has died one way or another and this upsets them greatly because one, they aren’t there to help with anything two, the only people there to do anything are their siblings three, they considered said parent a angel or a blessing by god (optional/bonus points if said parents name means angel-)  They don’t say anything at first though they seem rather angry and now one can figure out why. then they hide and have a mental breakdown to cry in hopefully but unlikely peace.  now I shall write the response headcanons / scenarios or whatever I will do Update: well I didn’t write a scenario / short story bit for all of them because i ran out of energy to do so and then i never went back to it, though if anyone begs or askes nicely I could in theory maybe work something out. this was something self indulgent and was something i wrote to really get me out of a bad headspace.  Lucifer

He is the first one to realize something is wrong, especially if they aren’t a very angry person. 

probably doesn’t get to ask about what is going on because he is forced to deal with something else and rather quickly

though when people start inquiring where they went after lunch, finding it unlikely that they would randomly choose to skip class or something he makes his goal to find them.

Probably doesn’t take him long to find them after he starts looking. gets it in the first three guesses of where they are hiding.

“why are you hiding here with Cerberus?” Lucifer said with a bit of amusement. he figured he would find them here with his dog. just not curled up and cuddling. 

“wouldn’t you like to know” was all they uttered out, having no real energy to argue, or fight. though it was clear they had been crying their eyes out. 

“well something is clearly upsetting you, why not talk about it. nobody else is here to listen in” Lucifer offers to lend an ear to listen to their problems. he was also hoping that by doing so he could get to the root of the problem and deal with it. expecting that he was going to have to knock one of his brothers into line again. 

“I just received some bad news. that’s all. also, I’ll be otherwise located Friday, so like, don’t worry if I’m not around on Friday, I will be back like Saturday, so there is that” They explain, clearly not wanting to get into the details of the so called bad news.  

“otherwise located?” Lucifer inquired as to what the hell they meant by that. 

“yeah, um, I will be visiting - visiting the human world for the day.” visiting might not be the word they were looking for but it was the word they went with nonetheless. 

“your visiting the human world?” Lucifer was surprised to say the least. especially considering he wasn’t hearing about this till now. 

“yeah, i was talking to Diavolo not long ago to make sure it was alright” with a sigh the were back to melting into the side of the dog. 

“normally you are excited to visit the human world, what happened” lucifer wanted to get to the root of the misery they were feeling and he wasn’t gonna sweep this under the rug.

“for fuck sakes, you really aren’t gonna leave me alone till I say it huh? my parent fucking died. are you fucking happy, lucifer? Jesus Christ.” doing everything in their power to hold back a second wave of tears as they add on “my blessing of a parent died. can we drop the topic now?” they said clearly not wanting to hear anything come out of lucifer's mouth as they hardly give him the chance to speak. 

“ah, I see, my condolences” Lucifer was trying to figure out what to say at the same time he was trying to figure out how to cheer them up or at least make them more comfortable. “do you want some Kleenex? how about some water?” lucifer inquired simply.

“water would be nice.” they let out a sigh. 

“im sure your parent was a lovely person. I think it is safe to assume that they’ll end up somewhere where they are safe and happy” Lucifer states simply as he holds a hand out to them to help them to their feet.

“I have no doubts about it. so you don’t need to tell me twice. it just. . . hurts” They says rather quietly. Accepting lucifer’s hand and pulling themself to their feet. 

”go take a seat in my office, no one will bother you in there. I’ll join you soon enough with your glass of water.”  Mammon

This man probably thinks he did something wrong, spends half the day trying to figure out what he did

if its not that he is trying to figure out who pissed them off and who he should be yelling at.

he hates to admit it but he doesn’t like seeing them angry or upset. 

is probably gonna be first to realize that they slipped of to somewhere and start trying to find them right away. 

after checking a few other areas, Mammon finally considers they might have just gone home to hide. knocking on their door and slowly opening it mammon calls out into the room “Oi, human are you in here?”. 

“Go away Mammon” they were heard but very muffled as they had encased themselves in several blankets, clearly sounding like they were crying. unless they choose to eat gravel or something. 

“what’s got you so bumbed out?” Mammon said fully entering the room now know that they were in the room and completely ignoring their request to go away. 

“I said go away, I don’t want to talk about it” They said pulling the pillow to their head in hopes to block out more of the world. so that they didn’t have to look up and face the fact they were a hot mess. so mammon didn’t have to see them like this.

“no! the great mammon isn’t leaving till you say what's bothering you! that way I can fix it for you!” Mammon declared boldly. goofy grin on his face hoping that his optimism would help cheer them up. 

“you can’t fix this. you cant bring back the dead. well unless you use necromancy, but. that's never worked out” They had let out a dry laugh for saying all of this. but now they were holding back tears trying to not cry their heart out for a second time.

“oh human...” Mammon was at a loss of words, though to be fair he didn’t get the time to form a full sentence. 

“I’ll never get them back. they were practically an angel” they sniffled, trying to not sob. “my parent died mammon. what the fuck am I going to do?” they didn’t really expect an answer from mammon. 

“Listen here, the great mammon will deal with all the technical talk, and will make sure you can go to the human world long enough for you to do what you need to. but till then and maybe after, I’ll be here for you.” mammon explained simply. 

after letting out a chocked sob they reached out a hand and grabbed onto mammon's arm. “thank you” they sobbed out. mammon just sat there and patted the blanket pile gently trying to give as much comfort as he could. 

“do you want a hug?”

“please-”

Leviathan

since he hides away and does online classes (Correct me if im wrong) he might not even realize something is going on

unless he messages them and doesn’t get a response. 

will ask if the others have seen them and like will try to figure out where they were last seen.

eventually puzzles together that something is wrong and he should look for them

Satan

He although wrathful himself, isn’t able to see through the anger and might be a little annoyed about them for being so.

though he does understand that there is probably a reason for them being upset. he’ll do his best to figure out what caused them to act this way.

he’s stubborn and straight forward, he’ll probably be direct and ask what is wrong and wont leave till he gets an answer.

or he might occasionally bring it up and keep getting updates with how their doing kind of thing.

doesn’t really have to seek for them when they hide away because he watched them slip away and got worried and followed them

Asmodeus 

he is very quick to realize something more is going on, something more than meets the eye. 

probably doesn’t directly do anything at first other than same some sugar coated words in hopes it cheers them up.

when that doesn’t work, he gets very worried and tries to convince them to do somethings to ‘take your mind off of things’ 

knows exactly where to look to find them. first try!

Beelzebub

one of two ways, he either doesn’t notice anything for the first little bit, or he has a strange feeling nagging him that something is wrong and he tries to figure out what.

once its clear that they’ve disappeared he is quick to start looking, might take a while to find them because he is gonna check everywhere to find them.

bear hugs no questions asked, will try to comfort to the best of his abilities. 

will ask them what they want to do after a while to see what he can do to make them feel better

Belphegor

tbh honest probably knows something is up right away. 

with either avoid it entirely or bluntly ask what is wrong

if he doesn’t get a direct answer or is shooed away he doesn’t have the energy to push for the truth, might be a bit annoyed.

once he hears that they have gone missing it probably wont take him long to find them. 

will sit down next to them and be like ‘now will you tell me what is wrong?’

Solomon

since he doesn’t have the same amount of time with them he may not notice at first. or he does notice ASAP because holy shit what happened why are they so mad.

might try to inquire what is wrong and like use his natural charm to try to cheer them up. 

when he hears they are lost or missing ect. he uses magic to find them as quickly as possible. 

will do a bunch of considerably silly and goofy things trying to get them to smile or laugh before trying to get them to talk about whats bothering them

Simeon 

doesn’t take him long to figure out something is wrong, just one look and he knows

but other wise, he’ll simply ask if you want to talk about it. when bluntly rejected he’ll leave them alone

they go missing during the day? maybe it was worse than he first realized, he’ll go looking for them.

will find them within the hour, maybe a half hour if he’s lucky. 

mans will try to comfort them any way he can.

_____________________________________________________________ sorry, for not doing Diavolo, luke and barbatos, i just didn’t really have the time to do them nor could i figure out how to do ones for them so like aihogdsifh sorry. but i do hope you enjoy this post nonetheless. 

[teruthecreator]

sweet surprises

lord forgive me for the cringe i’m about to post. i fully blame this post and this post for planting the seeds of berdley having a crush on kris in my brain. also shouts out to izel for listening to me go insane at 3 AM about this. 

anyways, here’s a thing. 

______________________________________________________________

Excitement is in the air.

Unlike the usual calm monotony of life at school, things recently have been quite...electric. Not because of the portal to the Dark World hidden behind the door of the closet, or the adventures had by a select group of students through the portal in the Librarby a few days ago. No, this isn’t about that.

This is about the Sadie Hawkman’s Dance. The once-a-year phenomenon where the school puts on its best interpretation of a formal dance for the incredibly small number of students who attend class. Students buzz in excitement for the event, preparing their most formal outfits and getting ready to dazzle their friends and fellow classmates with their dramatic entrances into the auditorium.

And, of course, there’s the all important ritual of asking someone to the dance.

There’s already been a few proposals made this week. Jockington rolled into class like a hula hoop and asked Catti to be his “best bro” for the dance, to which she happily agreed. (And by that, I mean she looked up from her phone, smiled, said not a single word, and went back to typing.) Temmie loudly announced to the class that she would be taking her egg, which was somehow...embarrassed that she mentioned it. And, of course, Noelle finally managed to work up enough courage to ask Susie to the dance. It was done in an incredible display of candy canes that spelled out the phrase: “CAN(E) YOU BE MY DATE TO THE DANCE?” Unfortunately, Susie was about halfway through scarfing the display down before she realized what it said. She then began choking on one of the candy canes out of disbelief, which wound her in the nurse for the rest of the day. But, when she could speak again, she very quietly agreed to Noelle’s proposal (and, if you happened to be a fly on the wall in that room, you could hear a tail thump rhythmically against the doctor’s bench as she did so).

Kris was pleased with everything. They were happy to see their friends so happy together. A long time coming, if you asked them. And they’d be just as happy attending the dance solo, since they’ll undoubtedly be dragged along by Susie. They’d never gone to the dance before--never had a reason to, truth be told. But with their newfound friends, they may just enjoy being a wingman for the night.

...Speaking of wingmen, Berdly will probably be going solo as well. Unsurprising, but Kris makes a mental note to ensure the bird will be in attendance. As much as he is kind of a lot sometimes, he’s their friend. And Kris is going to make sure all of their friends are having fun at that dance!

They walk into class thinking of this (surprisingly early, for a change), which is why they almost miss the massive display sitting boldly atop their desk. They freeze the instant it catches their eye and, for a second, they almost believe it isn’t real. Like some leftover thoughts of the Dark World lingering in their vision. But, after wiping their eyes and seeing that it’s still there, they decide to approach and...investigate.

The display is expertly crafted by someone who clearly knows their way around a glue gun. It is a heart-shaped arch that is decorated with a myriad of printed illustrations of Super Smashing Fighters Melee characters, all having cut-outs to hold different bars of chocolate. There are also numerous origami hearts glued around the characters on the arch, in colors spanning across the rainbow. The arch is painted in swirls of blues, pinks, and reds and covered with a border of glitter that sprinkles onto the desk when Kris reaches out to pluck a chocolate bar from its perch. On the desk itself is a big origami heart that says “TO KRIS” in gold calligraphy. It is by far one of the coolest, nicest, cheesiest things Kris has ever seen.

They look up from the display to see if anyone else is seeing this shit, and that’s when it all clicks.

Because sitting at the front of the classroom, fidgeting way more than normal, is Berdly. He keeps interlocking his ankles underneath his desk before unlocking them and kicking the air, turning around every half-second or so to try and catch Kris’s reaction. From the brief moments Kris can see the front of him, they notice he’s not in his usual white collared shirt and black khaki shorts. Instead, his shirt is buttoned all the way up, with a nice blue bowtie tied around his neck. He also traded out his khaki shorts for a pair of dress pants that look to be a tad too long for his legs. He keeps reaching up to smooth out the feathers on his head, which immediately stick back up from stress.

Now, Kris may be a straight B student, but they’re not stupid. Context clues are a very good thing, and all signs point to Berdly as the culprit of this public display of...affection?

Beyond Berdly is Ms. Alphys at her desk, who shoots Kris a look of deep understanding and maybe...guilt? She looks at Berdly for a split second and shrugs her shoulders, indicating he was probably in here long before she was and so she had no way of stopping him from leaving it there.

Kris looks back down at the display and picks up the large origami heart. As they begin to unfold it, they see a sprawling letter written in the same flashy calligraphy. Kris squints at the letters--they’re dyslexic, so everything kind of just looks like spaghetti on paper. Still, they’re able to make out the largely printed question of “WILL YOU GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME?” with no issue.

Huh, guess they won’t be going to the dance alone after all…? It’s a little confusing as to why Berdly would want to go with them, though. Like, they’ve hung out a little bit--usually whenever Berdly wanted a “worthy rival” to play video games with, he would come over and Kris would whoop his ass for a few hours. And, of course, there were the recent events in the Cyber World; but Kris is pretty sure them and Susie had thoroughly convinced Noelle and Berdley that that was all a dream. So, why them?

They’re lost in this train of thought for so long that they don’t even notice the other kids enter the room until they suddenly hear:

“Yo, Kris???????? What the heck is this thing????” Susie’s voice doesn’t startle them, but it is loud enough to get them to look up. Susie is standing next to their desk, looking at the display with genuine amazement thinly masked by disgust. She’s also loud enough to basically stop the whole class (who were all muttering amongst themselves about it anyway), which gives Kris only a second to gaze around the room before--

SLAM!

The door to the classroom slams shut, leaving one seat unoccupied.

Berdley’s.

“This thing’s got chocolate on it????” Susie continues to marvel at the display while Kris looks at the door, frowning. They feel...bad. It isn’t Berdley’s fault for trying to fit in with the other kids' proposals; he admitted to feeling like he needs to do more just to stand out enough for people to acknowledge him back in the Dark World. And this thing is really...thoughtful! The characters are all ones Kris typically mains, or ones they know Berdley mains, which means he remembers things about Kris. And the chocolate is a given, but it is nice to be able to stock their personal snack stash with some fancy stuff. Ultimately, it’s very sweet, and Kris can’t help but feel a little guilty for not saying anything immediately.

They turn and lock eyes with Ms. Alphys, who looks extremely out-of-depth with this situation. She makes a number of gestures from them to the door in a flustered way of saying I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on please help me Kris I know I’m asking a lot of you but I don’t know how to deal with teenage angst I’m like thirty-five. They sigh, standing up and walking past Susie (but not before giving her a stare that warns her if a single chocolate bar is gone that they will be holding that over her until the day she dies) and following Berdly out the door.

It doesn’t take Kris very long to follow the trail of labored breathing to where Berdley is--in the abandoned classroom, hyperventilating as he teeters on a breakdown. Luckily, when Kris opens the door, it seems to put a halt to his spiralling because he just kind of...freezes. Like a deer caught in headlights. Or a Berdley caught in Kris-lights. Kris takes this moment to let the door shut behind them, trapping the two in here. Together.

“U-Uhhhhh, hi--he--Um. H-Hello, K-Kris…” Berdly attempts to put on his usual bravado, but his voice betrays him brutally by squeaking and cracking on every syllable. Kris can’t help the smile that comes to their face.

“Uh, hey,” they reply with a wave. Berdley continues to stand there and stare (almost like he wasn’t expecting Kris to care enough to follow him) before the present circumstances return to his mind and he begins breathing hard again.

“I-I-I-I, uh...I was. Um. J-Just, uh. G-Getting some fresh air! Y-Yes! The classroom can be s-so stuffy sometimes, I’m sure y-you--you, uh...you agree?” Berdley makes a valiant attempt at hiding his panic, which Kris almost takes pity on. But they don’t think the monster will feel any better if they just pretend what happened back there never happened.

“Yeah. I liked the display.” Kris says simply. Berdley stands stock-straight at that, looking even worse for wear in the “being normal and completely cool” department.

“O-Oh??????? That ol’ thing????? I, um--well I just--y-you see, I--uh. Um,” You can really hear the gears in his head turning as he attempts to come up with an excuse. “I-I-I just thought you w-would appreciate the craftsmanship of!!! A t-true artisan, such as myself!!! So, I!!! M-Made it!!! COMPLETELY PLATONICALLY, OF COURSE!!!! I-I would never imply that my intentions w-were anything other than for bro-sies, i--You didn’t read that whole card, did you?”

“I can’t read,” They mean this as a joke, but they can see Berdley seriously consider this for a second too long. “Dude, I’m dsylexic. I can’t really read cursive…” Berdley freezes up once more, which makes Kris realize they haven’t really projected that as loudly as they might’ve thought.

“Oh! Right! How could I forget! That you’re! Dsylexic!” Berdley’s smile is stapled to his face as he begins to rhythmically knock on his head. “And I! Wrote! That! Entire! Note! In! Cursive! Which! You! Can’t! Read!!!” Kris steps forward in an attempt to keep Berdley from bashing his own skull in, but that only makes Berdley more tense, so they take a step back. “I-I just--The note isn’t important! None of it’s important actually can we forget this interaction ever happened okay? Okay yes that’s great have a wonderful day Kris I will be returning home to sitinmyroomandneverreturntothecorporealrealmalrightgoodbyeforeverKris--” He attempts to sidestep around Kris and out the door, but is very easily intercepted.

“Stop.” Kris grabs him by the shoulders, which seems to shut him up for a second. “Can you just tell me what’s wrong?” Berdley gapes at them as his face steadily grows redder, which makes Kris feel as if there’s something on their face. But he quickly shakes it off, going from completely neurotic to...dejected.

“I just…” He starts, trailing off immediately. “You deserve to have a big proposal, same as everyone else. I-I see you in the back of the class, just...watching. And I, uh, felt it was time to...give you the spotlight! But that was silly of me, wasn’t it?” He looks off to the side at the floor, smiling sadly. “After all, who’d want to go to the dance with me…? I-I’m alone every year, standing in the background. Just kind of...taking it all in...and th-thinking about how it’d be...nice to be a part of it. But that’s...not probable. It was just nice to think about taking you to the dance because you’re--well, you’re nice to me, and you’re funny, and you actually listen to me when I’m talking, an-and you’re a good person and an incredible gaming legend...but I shouldn’t have put it all on you in front of everyone...I’m. I’m sorry, Kris.” He won’t make eye contact with the human, but Kris can still see the tears collecting in his eyes.

“Berdley, that’s stupid.” Kris says, which Berdley cringes at, “Why wouldn’t I wanna go with you?” That part is...not what Berdley was expecting. He looks up at Kris, unsure of where to go from here.

“U-Um…? Because of all the previously stated things? Like me being a complete loser who nobody likes?”

“I like you,” Kris replies immediately, leaving Berdley’s feathers sticking straight up as he flusters. “And I like your display. It’s...really sweet.”

“E-Even if you can’t read the note?” Berdley’s voice cracks.

“I mean, I could read the: WILL YOU GO WITH ME TO THE DANCE part, so, like. Yeah.” Kris shrugs. “Plus, you got me chocolate. Nice chocolate. Nobody...gets me things like that.” They smile, a light dusting of blush across their face. “I’ll go with you.” Berdley’s entire body seizes up for the third time, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“W-W-w-W-w-w-w-w-W-W-W-w-w-w-Wh-Wha-wh-w-w-wha-wha-w-wh-Wh-Wha-wh-Wha-wha-w-w-W-W-W--” Berdley continues to struggle with the word “what” for a solid minute and a half before he’s finally about to manage a: “What?!” Kris can’t help but laugh.

“I said that, Berdley,” at this, they move their grip from his shoulders to his hands, “I will go to the Sadie Hawkman’s dance with you.”

The circuits in Berdley’s brain struggle with this frequency for an extended moment before his face erupts in the giddiest smile Kris has ever seen the bird monster sport. He even begins to jump up and down, taking Kris along with him, as he cackles. It is a surprisingly cute display that Kris finds themselves blushing a bit at. It’s nice to be this...cared about.

“I-I--We have to start thinking of outfits immediately!” Berdley blurts out, returning to their usual demeanor. “I was thinking of some complimentary color schemes on the way to school today which I will be happy to show you at lunchtime. I’m also a master with a sewing machine, so if you are unable to procure an outfit that meets the color requirements, I would be delighted to take your measurements and--w-wait, don’t read into that phrasing, I just m-meant that I could make an outfit for you! B-But I’d need your measurements, and--Oh, goodness, hasn’t class started already, Kris?! We should head back, but--” He looks from the door to Kris and back again a few times before finally settling on something.

“I’lltalktoyouaboutthislaterseeyouinclassKris!!!!!” He says this right before he gives Kris a solitary peck on the cheek before bolting out of the abandoned classroom, leaving Kris blinking at the Berdley-shaped cloud he left behind. Their hand gently grazes the spot on their cheek--luckily not actually pecked by his beak, but more of a quick-kiss kind of peck--and feel their heart skip a beat.

Huh.

That’s...different.

They elect to not dwell on that feeling any longer and head back to class. They have to make sure Susie hasn’t eaten all of the chocolate on that display.

They wouldn’t want to make Berdley go through the trouble of re-proposing  just so they could rightfully claim their other sweet surprise.

[obeyme-kaidii-writes]

Trust

Leviathan x gn!MC

Words - 2885

Content Warnings - angst, lots of comfort, platonic cuddling

Prompt/Inspiration - retelling of the events in Lesson 26 after The Incident at the carnival

Summary - Levi is busy working on the costumes for the upcoming school play when you come over to spend some time with him. 

AO3

Levi was sulking.

Not only had everyone gone out to the carnival together, without even inviting him, while he slaved tirelessly over the costumes, they were now ignoring him and snapping at him every time he tried to update them on his progress.

Sitting in his room, he continued sewing the piece he was working on, mumbling curses under his breath all the while.

Stupid normies. Who needs them? Not like they would be able to fully appreciate all the hard work he had put into things anyways. At least Christopher Peugeot needed him. That was all that mattered right now. He’d do this play justice if it was the last thing he did. His useless, ungrateful brothers be damned. Or would it be “blessed” in this case? Whatever. It didn’t matter. He was not going to let them get to him.

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts.

Who could that be? He never liked visitors and he was certainly not in the mood for any today.

“Levi? Can we talk?”

Oh. It was you. While he was furious with his brothers, your behavior probably hurt him the most. He had grown accustomed to your kindness and the attention you paid him, but you hadn’t stopped by his room in a couple days now. He was torn between turning you away out of spite and a strong desire to see you again, hopeful that you’d listen to him.

“Sure. Whatever,” he replied. He didn’t want to sound too excited to see you, he was still upset after all. But he couldn’t stop the stupid grin from spreading across his face, so he made sure his back was to the door when you entered.

Without a word, you made your way over to the beanbag chair on the floor, and pulled your knees to your chest. You grabbed the Azuki-tan plush that was nearby and hugged it close, burying your face in it. You had been trying not to cry, but now that you were in the comfort of Levi’s room, listening to the gentle hum of his electronics and surrounded by his scent, it was almost impossible not to.

Unaware of your struggle to fight back your tears, Levi finally spoke to you.

“So, what do you want?”, His tone was perhaps a little sharper than it needed to be, and he began to worry he might have gone too far and you would only be annoyed with him and leave again. When you failed to respond, he chanced a look at you to see if he could figure out how you were feeling.

You were staring at him, sure, but tears were streaming down your face. In fact, he didn’t think he had ever seen someone cry so much. His heart shattered. He had done this to you. He had broken you. He hadn’t even been that mad - he just wanted some attention and for you to feel sorry for him. But now you were crying and showed no signs of stopping and it was all his fault.

“I’M SORRY!”, he yelled, tossing the items in his hands aside as he moved to crouch in front of you, “I...I...I… didn’t mean it! Really! I’m not even upset! Just please, please don't cry.” He was pleading with you now, absolutely desperate to undo the damage he had caused. His hands were hovering over your shoulders unsure if he should hug you or just let you be. He knew he liked it when you hugged him when he was upset, but he wasn’t sure how you’d feel about being hugged by the very person that had hurt you.

You started shaking your head, roughly rubbing at your eyes as you tried to halt the flow of tears. You couldn’t form a sentence right now, you could barely even breathe, but you needed to let your best friend know that he wasn’t to blame. Giving up on getting the tears to stop, you opted to instead just throw your arms around Levi’s neck and cling to him for dear life.

Levi was stunned at your sudden movement, but he soon recovered enough to return your hug, and he began to rub soothingly on your back as you cried your eyes out. He really wasn’t sure what else to do at this point besides sit there and hold you. You always seemed to know just what to say to him to calm him down, but he was at a complete loss as to how he should help you.

After awhile your tears had finally dried up, and your breathing had begun to even out once more. Your chest hurt, your throat burned, and your eyes ached. This wasn’t how you had meant for this to go. You had wanted to apologize to him, but here you were instead crying in his arms as he apologized to you when he hadn’t even done anything wrong.

Slowly you pulled back so you could look at him. You really had to talk to him now and say what you had come here to say. He deserved that much. You knew how hard he was working on the costumes, and how excited he had been about them. And you wanted him to know that too. He needed to know that.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. Your throat was still dry and raw and you didn’t think you could speak any louder if you tried. You looked up at Levi, making eye contact with him for the first time, to see if he heard you.

He had heard you alright and he wasn’t sure how to respond. His hands were resting on your shoulders now and he just looked so confused. You couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of him, giggling uncontrollably at his attempts to puzzle out what he was supposed to do now.

While you had been crying he had rehearsed several different scenarios in his head as to how this would play out, and he honestly hadn’t even considered you breaking down in a fit of giggles.

You showed him some mercy though, and wrapped your arms around his neck again, in a gentle hug this time. Smiling, you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you Levi. Sorry about that. I guess I had just let everything build up too much and it finally came bursting out.”

You sat back on the bean bag, and offered him a sheepish grin. You took his hands in yours, resting them in your lap, as you rubbed the backs of them with your thumbs. You were rather embarrassed by your behavior, if you were being honest. It wasn’t that you had a problem crying in front of him or his brothers, but you had never broken down so completely before.

“Um yeah. It’s fine.”

“Guess I should tell you why I came here huh?”

He gave you a small nod, encouraging you to continue.

“I wanted to apologize to you. I should have made sure you had been invited to join us once everyone else had showed up. And I should have made more of an effort to talk to you afterwards. I promise you didn’t miss out on anything, and if I had my way, I would have been here with you instead of out there. So, I’m sorry, Levi,” you took a breath before continuing, “And I also wanted to make sure you knew how amazing I think it is that you’re designing and creating all these costumes yourself. That’s not something just anyone could do.”

You were looking down at his hands as you played with them, waiting for his response. You were the one that messed up, and you didn’t want to pressure him or make him uncomfortable by forcing eye contact on him.

“It’s ok. I mean, it’s just me anyways. Who can blame you for not noticing the absence of one otaku?”

Your head snapped up to look at him. But he wasn’t upset like you had imagined, instead he was smiling at you. He was trying to comfort you. You returned his grin with one of your own.

“Well, you are my favorite otaku after all, so of course I missed you.”

That response made him blush, and you laughed as he averted his gaze in embarrassment. No matter how many times you complimented him, he still wasn’t used to it when you were so direct. He wasn’t really going to complain though. He liked hearing those things, a fact he was determined to keep to himself under pain of death.

“So what did happen at the carnival? Everyone else seems to be in a pretty rotten mood too.”

Your smile fell, and the blood drained from your face. Why did he have to ask you that? That was half the reason you had taken refuge in his room anyways. The awkwardness with which everyone else had been treating you since then had left you feeling so lonely and isolated. To make matters worse, Mammon, who was usually constantly at your side, now seemed to be avoiding you.

“Uhh. Sorry. You don’t have to tell me. I get it if it’s something you don’t want me to know. I mean, it’s not like it’s any of my business…”

Levi had started to ramble. He knew he was rambling. He wanted to stop, but his mouth kept on going. Frankly he was afraid if he did stop talking you might start crying again, and he really wasn’t equipped to handle another breakdown. He’d probably start sobbing right along with you if you did.

Seeing how desperately Levi was trying to backtrack, you made the decision to just tell him the truth. There was no use hiding it. It was only a matter of time before one of his brothers explained the situation to him, or he overheard them talking. And you were sure they were talking.

“Well,” you started, giving Levi a moment to settle down, “you know how Beel gets when he’s really, really hungry?” Levi nodded. “He got like that at the restaurant we had met up at. And long story short, the situation quickly dissolved into chaos with food and plates flying everywhere as your brothers one by one also got pulled into the fight, and the ghost servers returned fire.”

Levi could certainly see what you meant when you said he hadn’t missed out on anything. That did not sound even remotely close to his idea of a good time. At least not in public anyways. He imagined chucking a pie at Mammon’s face in the dining room and the thought made him smile.

You sighed, and looked at your lap where Levi’s hands still rested in yours. Now you had to tell him the part you had been dreading the most. The part that had left you feeling scared, confused, and alone. Sensing your hesitation, Levi gave your hands a small squeeze to remind you he was there.

“I...I used my pacts to stop them.”

Levi started to nod in understanding, when he suddenly realized what you had said and the implications, “Wait what?! But I thought you couldn’t use magic? And you stopped them? ALL of them? At the same time? Even LUCIFER?!”

You flinched as Levi raised his voice in his excitement. You didn’t know it was excitement though. Tears started to gather in your eyes again as you were sure he was about to pull away. The only thing you could do was grip his hands tighter, hoping to keep him there with you just a little longer.

“That’s so awesome! I can’t believe it! You stopped Lucifer?? This is amazing. Do you know that that means? Your magic must be ridiculously strong. This is just like that one anime I told you about, you know? The heroine thought she was just a normal, boring high schooler. Then BAM! She discovered her magic through the power of love!”

Levi was in awe of you, and seeing and hearing his enthusiasm sent a wave of relief washing over you. You looked at him as he carried on, and couldn’t help but smile. That was your Levi. You should have known he would be supportive, and accepting. He knew what it was like to be excluded after all, and he also knew the pain of struggling to control his own powers.

“Wait. But why would that make you so upset? That’s a good thing isn’t it? It means you’re getting stronger and will be safer here, doesn’t it?”

Ah. There it is. The other question you had been hoping to avoid. But you were feeling a bit more confident now after opening up about everything else, and didn’t hesitate to answer him.

“I think your brothers are upset with me. Hurt? Angry? I don’t know. They have hardly spoken to me since then. I mean, there’s polite conversation and all, but it just feels different. Like maybe they don’t trust me as much anymore? Or maybe they’re scared of me?

I’ve never really used my pacts before now. They were just symbolic of our connection more than anything. But now...now I used it against them. I controlled them. I forced them to do something against their wills. I can’t honestly expect for them to just treat me the same after that, right? Who would want to be around someone like that, who could just force them to do whatever they wanted…”

Your voice trailed off now into a whisper, and Levi began to understand the gravity of the situation. Or at least your perception of it. He was positive his brothers would never hold what happened against you. Especially Mammon, the known masochist, who probably got a boner about the whole thing. And the way you tell the story, it sounds like all you did was stop them from tearing apart a public restaurant, something Lucifer would likely be thankful for. And surely Beel would be glad someone stopped him before anyone got hurt. No, there had to be more to this than what you were seeing. Something else was going on and causing their strange behavior.

“Levi? You aren’t scared of me, are you?”

Levi blinked and realized you were looking at him again, anxiously awaiting a response. Scared of you? Hah. Yeah he was scared of you, but for an entirely different reason than what you were imagining right now. He was scared you’d forget about him, or leave him behind some day, or just disappear and break his heart. What he wasn’t scared of was you using his pact on him. By now, he trusted you completely, and he knew you’d never use it to make him do something he’d regret.

“No, I’m not,” he replied, forcing himself to maintain eye contact so you could see just how sincere he was, despite the deep blush spreading across his cheeks.

This time he leaned forward and wrapped you up in a hug. You felt so small right now. Usually you were so confident and self assured. You were the one everyone turned to when they needed help, but now the weight of your worries seemed to be pulling you down to that same dark place Levi often found himself.

Resting his cheek on your head, as your arms slipped around his waist, he made you an offer:

“Hey, why don’t you stay here tonight?” his arms tightened around you to make sure you couldn’t turn to see his face. He didn’t want you to know how embarrassed he was at having said that, “Just so you’re not alone I mean. You can sleep in the tub. I’ll be working on these costumes some more, so you don’t need to worry about me.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” you chuckled, imagining how he must look right now. You could feel his arms holding you firmly in place to be sure you couldn’t check either.

He let you go, standing up and heading towards his closet to pick out some blankets for you. He didn’t want to just assume you’d be ok with using his blankets and pillows, after all. Even if you had slept over before after a long night of gaming or an anime marathon and never complained. He was sure he smelled, being the yucky otaku that he was.

When he returned, you were nowhere to be found. I guess I did creep you out, he thought. Right as he was about to admit defeat however, he realized that you weren’t the only thing that was missing - Azuki-tan was too. Slightly confused, Levi walked towards the center of his room where he had last seen her, and it was then he spotted you.

You were curled up in his tub, hugging Azuki-tan to your chest, while resting your head on his Ruri-chan body pillow and cocooned in his favorite blanket. He stared at you for a moment, before realizing that you were already fast asleep, clearly exhausted at this point from all the crying you had done earlier and the guilt you had been carrying. He smiled softly, feeling a warmth spread throughout his chest. You were his Henry, and he was going to make sure you would never regret choosing him.

[333dolans]

Light Within The Darkness // G.D

Hey loves! This is my first attempt at writing anything for either of the twins so any constructive criticism is welcomed and very much appreciated. I love you!🤍

Summary: After a heated fight with Grayson leads to a cold night alone, an unEXpected and unwelcomed visitor arrives.

Warnings: Mentions of Abuse and Anxiety. ANGSTY with a lil fluff at the end.

“Are you actually taking the piss Y/N?!” Grayson growled, slamming the door to your small, but cozy apartment. You two had been leaving a small cafè in downtown LA when you had ran into an ‘old school friend’, or atleast that’s what you had told Grayson. He didn’t buy it at all of course, he had a talent of always seeing straight through you anytime you lied. He could read you like a book, he had your body language memorised like his favourite tame song and he knew this wasn’t simply an acquaintance from your early teenage years. When he tried to ask simple questions about him, you became very tense and he could see you had began grinding your jaw at the very mention of his existence and the encounter you had just had. you’d began cracking your fingers, a tell tale sign that you were rapidly becoming more and more on edge. He didn’t want to cause an argument from his tendency to always want to know what is going on, his need for control, so he let it slide. Well that was until you crossed paths with mystery man once again. “Two years with no interaction and we see each other twice within a half a hour period? It’s a sign from the universe Y/N, we should get back together haha!” The man joked. You smiled awkwardly, feeling the heat rising within Grayson. You couldn’t tell if it was due to the mans comment, or the fact that you had lied about this man being your most recent ex. It was probably a mixture, you thought to yourself. Grayson turned on his heel and was started off towards the Porsche just a few metres away. You rushed a quick farewell and dashed after your boyfriend.

“Gray can you just let me-” “Y/N. Don’t.” He interrupted. You didn’t dare speak another word until you made it back to your apartment. The car ride was a silent one, something you wasn’t used to in your entire relationship with Grayson. You two were always jamming out to a throwback playlist and singing your hearts out. When you arrived, He made his way across to where you were standing in the living room. “Gray, I’m sorry ok? I didn’t want to make things awkward for you. He’s my ex- boyfriend, it was uncomfortable and I just wanted to diffuse the situation as soon as I possibly could.” You tried to reason. “Don’t you think I was just as uncomfortable probably even more so when I found out he was your ex?! You should of just told me but instead you lied to me.” He argued back. “How could it possibly have been worse for you G? I have so much history with him and things didn’t end well between us. Why are you making this about you? You’re not even considering how I felt, it’s always about you isn’t it?” You whispered the last part, defeatedly. “If it’s ‘always about me’ then maybe I should leave, Wouldn’t want you to be stuck with someone so selfish!” He screamed. You could feel the tears building behind your eyes, he knew as well as everyone else in your life that if there was one thing you couldn’t take, it was someone shouting at you. It always sent your anxiety sky rocketing and left you spiralling. “Leave Gray. Now please.” You whispered, holding back the desperate urge to breakdown in front of him. “With pleasure, Bitch.” He spat before leaving your apartment the same way he entered. Those words, although simple ones, held so much more meaning to you when they fell from his lips, lingering in the air and consuming your mind. The tears instantly began to stream, letting out a choked sob. “If only you knew.” You thought out loud.

You were jolted awake by an increasingly louder banging on your door. You glance over at your clock, 2:39AM. Grayson. He had came to apologise for acting like such a dick. You slipped out of bed and wrapped your blanket around you tightly. The relentless torture your front door was under not once letting up. You peaked through the peep hole, you weren’t a complete idiot, you had to be sure it was Gray. But who else would turn up at your door at this time right? Crack. You felt your heart shatter and swore you could hear the broken pieces hit the hard floor of your hallway. There, stood your ex boyfriend, Riley. You could of sworn you were frozen to that very spot, but your brain took control and carried you off towards the bedroom, rapidly grabbing for your phone and gripping it tightly to your chest. You creeped back towards the door cautiously, not wanting to make too much noise. “Riley you need to leave. Now please.” You spoke politely, which was beyond what he deserved. “Y/N! Open the door please. I need you. I’m a mess without you. Seeing you today reminded me off that!” He pleaded. “You’ve survived 2 years, keep going. I have a boyfriend Riley. Please leave.” You responded, heart non stop pounding against your chest, taking your breath away with every thump. “Y/N! YOU STUPID BITCH! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!” He growled through the door, repeatedly kicking at it now. “JUST LEAVE RILEY!!!!” You retreated into your bedroom, then into the bathroom and locked both doors. You violently sobbed into the blanket that had been wrapped around your body as you reached for your phone.

To Babe💘: Gray, please.

Read at 2:45am

3 missed calls from Babe💘

To Babe💘: Hello?

Read at 2:52am

You sobbed even more, realising that he was ignoring you at a time when you needed him the most. You don’t remember when, but you must have eventually passed out on the cold bathroom tiles. You didn’t have the energy to get up, so you sat up against the side of your bath. You reached for your phone, only to see not one single sign of contact from Grayson. You felt the all too familiar feeling rising in your chest and taking control of your breathing. Another panic attack. You hadn’t had one in months due to the calmness Grayson provided, he was your light within the darkness, but he wasn’t here to save you this time. You texted him once more before you fully broke down.

To Babe💘: Grayson please, I need you. Now.

You knew this would work. His full name over text was only ever used in an emergency. You shut your phone off to try and focus on your breathing rather than how shitty your boyfriend was being right now. You had completely forgotten about the text and 30 minutes later you heard the front door swing open. “Y/N!? Where are you?!” Seconds later he enters the bathroom and finds your small form, tear stained cheeks and violently shaking from your cold night alone. “No no no, baby I’m so so sorry. Y/N look at me yeah? Focus on my voice. Deep breaths for me.”

He tried to scoop you into his arms but you cowered away. In that moment he swore he could feel his heart shatter. He had become the man he’d promised you he’d never be. Grayson knew you had and still struggle with your mental health, although he didn’t know much about the causes of it all. He let his anger get the best of him once again and he hurt you in the process. “Angel, I cant express how sorry I am. I didn’t mean to snap at you and I certainly didn’t mean what I called you.”

There it was again. His words began to replay in your head for the 100th time. “With pleasure, Bitch.” “STOP! Please make it stop Gray. I don’t wanna be back there anymore, I can’t be back there.” You begged him, clinging to his shirt now. He cautiously began to rub his hands along your back, palms sore from the strength he used to grip the steering wheel on the way over to your apartment. “Back where love? Talk to me please, I want to help you.” The feeling of Grays hand on your body, knowing he was close to you, knowing you were safe now, your breathing slowly began to regulate. You finally lifted your head and looked up to meet his eyes. Teary and bloodshot, a mirror image of yourself. You could see, scrap that, you could feel that he was sharing your pain. He didn’t know why you was feeling it, but he could feel it all nonetheless. You took in a shakey breath as you began.

“Riley seriously, they’re a pair of shoes? I bought them as a treat for myself for getting promoted.” You tried to explain to him, annoyance growing every passing minute. You were always smart with your money, never splurging out on fancy items. You’d never really felt like you’d needed them. However, earlier this month you’d been called into your bosses office and offered a better paying position at your work, which you gladly accepted. You’d decided that you would finally buy the shoes you’d been eyeing up for months now but had never talked yourself into buying. They were $300 but you decided you deserved them, your boyfriend clearly didn’t feel the same way. “I don’t care Y/N, you cant just start spending our money so carelessly, especially not this close to when rent is due and for something so minor as a promotion.” He countered, words laced with resentment. You couldn’t help but let out a snort. “Our money? It wasn’t ‘our money’ when you went out and bought that watch.” You pointed to the, in all honesty, hideous watch that was strapped around his wrist with pride. “I spent my hard earned money on those shoes because I deserved them, I worked for them.” You spoke, calmly and with confidence. “I seriously don’t understand your problem, please explain? Like I know it may be hard for your fragile masculinity to accept that not only a woman but your own girlfriend earns more than you, but that doesn’t give your misogyny a free pass to belittle my achievements”. You knew the second you said that, you would come to regret it. “You want me to explain? With pleasure, Bitch.”

The tears were once again streaming down your face once you finally stopped to breath again. “It was abusive and toxic, I knew I had to leave him, I had to get out of there so I did. I never looked back after I left but I guess life has a way of not letting you forget your past, no matter how hard you try to.” You sighed, so tired from the nights previous events. You’d explained to Grayson about what had happened with Riley turning up at your door, you’re grateful he’d left before Gray got there otherwise you may of been spending your night bailing his ass out of prison right now instead of in his arms. You’d explained about your past with him and why things had ended. You knew Gray had many more questions but it was clear you were not ready to answer them right now and you were extremely thankful he left the topic alone. You quite frankly didn’t want to entertain your memories of Riley anymore and Grayson knew that. He planted a kiss on your forehead before scooping you up, “wanna watch a film and cuddle? You can choose the movie.” He wiggles his eyebrows and gave you his signature smirk. “Yes please, only if you bring me the ice cream though!” You giggled, letting the last 3 hours fade to the back of your mind.

You were out like a light after 30 minutes, head in Grayson’s lap as he carelessly traced shapes along your arms, watching your chest rise and fall and lips slightly parted. “I will never let this happen to you again, you have my word. I love you more than I love myself angel.” He spoke gently, watching in awe as your lips curled to form a faint smile. “Mine” he thought to himself, “All mine.”

[howtosingit]

if ur ok with it can u break down the tarlos huggggg in the lst ep after tk tells evy1 abt his addiction? bc that gd huggggggg i wanna no every thing u think abt it i live for ur love for tarlos theyre just so so cuteeeee

IF I’M OKAY WITH IT?! Anon, I feel like I have been waiting my entire life for this ask. I could literally talk about this hug for the rest of my existence. I would talk about this hug every second of every day if I could and never get tired or bored. This hug has owned my entire heart from the moment that it happened and I can never get enough of it. Brace yourself for this essay, and remember that you asked for it...

Okay, so before I get to the actual hug, I want to talk for a minute about why I love it so much and also how fantastic the scene is that comes before it. I’ll try to keep both of those brief (LOL). If you want to skip to the hug breakdown, I’ll give the sections titles. 

Why I Love This Hug

So, why do I love this hug so much? Honestly, because I never in a million years thought we’d get something like it, and it was a big turning point for me.

I have not been quiet about how disappointing I think season 1 was. Too much Owen being Owen, too much Iris plot (which never interested me for even a single moment, unfortunately), not enough of the other characters - specifically the characters of color - and definitely not enough Tarlos.

Following episode 3, the show established a really frustrating pattern with Tarlos: they either never interacted with one another, or there was a moment of them at the end of an episode where they were in the same place physically but never spoke directly to one another. Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe the Tarlos talking drought between episodes 3 and 10 - and honestly? It’s bad writing. To focus on a ship for 3 episodes, giving them a lot of different nuances and conflict, and then do absolutely nothing with it? Stupid. So, going into the finale, my expectations were low. At that point, I was literally tuning in just to catch a glimpse of Carlos, with the expectation that that was all I would get. I really didn’t think I was going to watch the show after season 1. 

When the finale started with a Tarlos scene, I was honestly very surprised. But, then, of course, it was a “break up” scene, and I was like... well. So much for that. See, I fully expected, based on the trend throughout the later half of the season, that that would be the only Tarlos scene we would get, and that that is how they would end season 1. 

But when that camera cut to Carlos Reyes walking through the station door looking like a modern-day motherf*cking Prince Charming? I cried. I’m not ashamed to admit that. And then WHEN WE GOT THE HUG?! I can honestly still feel my heart pounding in my chest.

The finale didn’t fix everything for me; they still barely talk in their final two scenes. It’s not all perfect. But this hug, this small moment? THAT. IS. PERFECTION. (And I’m gonna go on and on about why in just a minute!)

Framing the Hug

I just want to take another moment here to chat about the entire fire station scene with TK and the team/Carlos because there’s a lot that informs why this hug is so freaking incredible. It has everything to do with the directing choices that were made - and boy were they good ones!

We all probably remember how the scene starts: extreme close-ups on TK as he sits waiting for the crew to come back. He’s anxious and possibly having a mild panic attack, and the camera is used to create that moment. Certain shots are out of focus, the shots that are focused are zoomed in to his mouth/hands/eyes, the sound is distorted, his breathing is isolated. It’s all super effective. 

So the observations that I make about this brief moment are: TK is stationary, the camera is basically attacking him. And TK is alone. Pretend for a moment that the camera is a character. The camera won’t leave him alone. No one is there to help him. His anxiety grows. 

(Even when the team joins him, the camera stays pretty close to him, except for one moment where it backs off but then approaches again. It continues to invade his personal space and his personal moments with his friends and his dad.)

Now, compare that to how the scene ends: TK walks away from the camera, the camera doesn’t follow him. It gives him space. His interaction with Carlos happens in the distance. If the camera is a character, TK defeated that character. He leaves it there, it no longer threatens him. I just really like that visual storytelling; that through the 4 minute scene, TK not only faces his demons, speaks his truth, and conquers his anxiety but he beats the camera and goes off to hug Carlos untethered. (He even bounces towards him, but we’ll get to that in a minute.) That doesn’t really have anything to do with the hug specifically, but I thought it was interesting anyway.

The other comparison that I want to make is a simple one, but it’s another reason why I love the hug: TK initiates it. He doesn’t initiate the group hug with his team (he actually almost says “we don’t have to do that” when Mateo moves towards him), though he obviously enjoys it. Owen initiates their hug, flinging himself at his son, and TK obviously appreciates it.

But the Carlos hug? TK approaches him, TK raises his arm to wrap around Carlos’s neck.

Okay, now to finally answer the original ask...

LET’S HUG IT OUT: THE BREAKDOWN THAT WAS ASKED FOR

First, can I just say from his first appearance to the end of this scene, Carlos is there for 20 seconds total and I am about to write a whole-ass essay about those 20 seconds?! I’m literal trash.

Okay, so Carlos appears looking like a fucking snack. He’s changed since the bus accident, looking like someone’s hot date, and I think we know whose... Owen is basically like “well this is unexpected” and honestly, same sir. TK is adorable and noncommittal, but clearly not surprised to see Carlos there. We’ve missed a moment between them since TK was sent to the hospital and Carlos called him impressive, that’s for sure. 

So when TK starts to walk towards him, the camera refocuses on Carlos and we see this adorable freaking look on his face that clearly says “how did it go?” or “all went well?” or something to that effect. I think Carlos knew what TK was doing at the station and he knew that it was a big deal for him, and I love that even before they are next to each other, he’s checking in to see how it went. He’s invested in TK’s well-being - as always - and he’s there to support him, both physically and emotionally. I COULD SCREAM.

In response to Carlos’s silent questioning, TK throws his head back and sighs. Like I said before, he seems to bounce towards Carlos, his body is pretty loose - his arms are swinging back and forth. This is a guy who just took a load off, and he’s relieved about having done so. The smile that Carlos gives him in answer says that he’s relieved too - that it went so well, that TK seems lighter. He might even be relieved that TK is being so much more open with him, clearly showing him his emotions. Their body language for this entire moment is very open, neither of them seem closed off. It truly does feel like, for the first time, they are meeting each other on equal footing, with all of their cards on the table before them. It’s such a different moment for them, certainly different than their body language during the boba date earlier in the episode.

I would be an absolute idiot if I did not pause and remark here how INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT IT IS that TK is the one that approaches Carlos. I’m not the first person to notice and say this, but Carlos “I hate being the one doing the chasing” Reyes stops just inside the door. He lets TK walk towards him. It’s such an interesting, nonverbal conversation between them. In this action, Carlos is saying “I’m here, but I’m still not going to force anything. You said you wanted space, so I’m giving it to you.” Sure, he comes to the station - but I would pay good money to bet that TK invited him there following some kind of conversation about what he was doing there - but he stays at the door. He’s cautious, but open. He wants something more with TK, but he’s not going to throw himself into it just to get hurt again. So, he waits. AND TK COMES TO HIM. TK leaves his own space and enters his. TK takes the final step. TK closes the gap. TK makes the big move, and they’re finally both right in front of each other, on the same wavelength. The find that solid ground from which they’ll build their relationship together. ISN’T IT JUST BEAUTIFUL?!

Seriously, kudos to Bradley Buecker for directing this episode with multiple levels of storytelling at play. It’s really great stuff.

OKAY, there’s a little Owen and Michelle moment, but then the camera finds Tarlos again. 

TK is standing in front of Carlos, they’re completely fixated on one another, their body language is just so fucking casual and comfortable I cannot stand it. See, the other hugs were all pretty intense: the team piles on top of TK, burying him, and Owen practically throws himself at TK, it’s a fairly hard hug for a man with an injured shoulder. But this hug? NOPE.

It’s so soft. It’s so gentle. TK raises his arm like he just can’t not wrap it around Carlos’s neck, like it’s the only way to be as close as possible to him and being as close as possible to him is all he wants in that moment.

What I really love about this hug is that it feels like two people who hug not because the moment is demanding it, not because they’re reuniting after a long time apart, not because they’re in a heightened state of emotion. 

These two hug like it’s just what they do, what they always want to be doing, like they don’t know how not to do it. The whole thing reads like “Hi, I’m TK and my arms belong around Carlos” and “Hi, I’m Carlos, and my arms belong around TK, what else would I be doing with them?” (It’s also the vibe I get from the club scene where they wrap their arms around each other.)

IT’S INTIMACY, Y’ALL.

Look, to be a Tarlos fan, I think you have to be willing to look at the relationship on two different levels, right? One is what they verbalize to each other, which is admittedly very little (season 2, come through). The other is the story that they tell through their body language. These two have seemingly always been on the same page physically. It just comes naturally to them, from the minute they first dance to their obviously very pleasing sex scene to the way they flirt in the bar to the club to Carlos at TK’s bedside. 

Their chemistry is made clear through how they physically relate to each other, and never is that more clear than in this hug that LITERALLY LASTS 2 SECONDS BUT CONTAINS MULTITUDES.

Okay, back to it... so TK strolls towards Carlos, Carlos waits for him - they symbolism is making me scream - TK raises his arm, it’s all super casual...

And then he just kind of literally falls into Carlos’s body, and Carlos basically just catches him. HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THAT.

They don’t even speak but because they’ve had a nonverbal conversation with just those looks that I talked about, there’s just this understanding that TK needs to just collapse a little bit and he never for one second doubts that Carlos will hold him up. THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY DO.

OKAY OKAY OKAY now we’re going to break this down from head to toe.

Like, the way that their heads just rest against each other, TK pressing close - I can almost imagine that he breathes in the scent of Carlos’s shampoo, his nose is pressed right there in his curls. AND JUST IMAGINE HIS SMILE, I BET IT’S BLINDING.

I love that their heads kind of curve around each other kind of, perfectly Yin and Yang - like, from above they would totally look like that symbol.

MY FAVORITE PART OF THE ENTIRE THING: CARLOS FREAKING REYES NUZZLING INTO TYLER KENNEDY STRAND’S NECK, LIKE HE JUST SHOVES HIS FACE RIGHT IN THERE

THE NECK KISS MADE ME SCREAM SO FUCKING LOUD THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT I COULD NOT HANDLE IT

First, it’s our first kiss since episode 2. 

Second, THE INTIMACY OF PRESSING A KISS TO SOMEONE’S NECK - LIKE THAT IS SUCH A SOFT PART OF YOUR BODY, THERE ARE TENDONS THERE, YOU CAN FEEL SOMEONE’S PULSE THERE - LIKE OH MY GOD

Nothing screams “I want to know every part of this man on a deep, committed level” than a fucking neck kiss, and Carlos Reyes just... he fucking does it. 

Okay but he really does bury his whole face in there like he wants to keep it there forever, I have truly never seen something so soft in my entire life. 

I’m so in love with them I could puke.

But like, that’s why this moment means so much to me, because I really do think that it’s a solidifying moment for both of them. 

For TK, it’s a “It’s okay if I stumble or fall because this man will catch me or help me up” thing

For Carlos, it’s “he wants me, he wants this, he’s taking literal steps towards this thing between us, and he encourages me to sink into him, he wants me to do that, he really wants this”

Like, fuck. 

Moving down... we gotta appreciate Carlos being mindful of TK’s shoulder, unlike literally everyone else who has hugged him. Like, he doesn’t even go anywhere near those stitches because there’s no fucking way he’s going to watch TK bleed out for the third time, nope.

And the way that Carlos just slides his arms around TK’s waist, pressing his palms into his lower back?! 

I think there’s a whole like, thing, where when a person’s hands are flat and open they’re like, open and vulnerable. So there’s just something about the way that Carlos presses both of his open palms against TK’s back that feels so open and vulnerable and honest to me.

Also, the way that he literally covers as much of TK’s back with his hands as possible? He doesn’t place his hands on top of one another, he stacks them along TK’s spine - he completely covers the entirety of his lower back. That’s a really vulnerable part of the human body, and Carlos instinctively protects it. AND TK LET’S HIM.

Okay, finally, down to their feet: TK really does collapse against Carlos, throwing himself on top of him and trusting that Carlos will keep him upright. All of his weight shifts to that forward momentum, he even goes up on the toes of his right foot. Carlos plants his feet, and as TK sways into him, he wraps him in his arms and gently centers them so that they don’t tip over to the ground.

He literally re-balances them. The two of them together find a balance with one another during this TWO-SECOND HUG. They shift, they steady themselves, they sink into one another.

It’s literally symbolic of them both being completely, 100%, without question, ready for the next phase of their relationship together.

They keep each other standing, and that’s fucking true love, y’all.

I honestly cannot wait for season 2. This hug and the final scene on the hood of Carlos’s car - with TK again making the move to embrace their relationship by physically reaching into Carlos’s space for his hand and dragging it into his own space, firmly opening the door to his heart to let him inside, while also settling Carlos’s hand between his own to let him know that he’s willing to protect him and his heart too - makes me believe that we are in for some truly wonderful romance with these boys. 

My heart will not stop screaming about it.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Don’t Breathe | 3.5

»Genre: hitman!au || stalker!au ||

»Warnings: kidnapping, stalking, obsession, themes of potential Stockholm syndrome, mono-phobia, mature elements, manhandling, breakdowns, yandere (? i think ), he thinks it’s cute when she cries, eventually they fall in love, Disclaimer: I do not condone nor suggest stalking/kidnapping or anything of that nature, this is pure fiction ok, kidnappers and stalkers DON’T love you.

»Summary: He doesn’t get shaky hands, he never forgets his gloves and he never leaves a trail. He was paid to get rid of everyone who witnessed the exchange between a gang lord and a politician, they were picked off, one by one. He found out a month later, he missed one. A young writer who attended the event where the exchange took place. He has to kill her. Can he do it?

✤ pt.1 - pt.2 - pt.2.5 - pt.3 - pt. 3.5 - pt.4.0 - pt.4.5

A/n: enjoy 💜

⇢ 6 years ago ⇠

“Don’t forget us when you’re a famous writer,” 

Your mom brings in the third meal she packed for you, she insisted on making you a week worth's of your favorite meals. She said you were gonna miss home and her cooking would cure that longing in a heartbeat. 

“Mom stop it,” You smile, unwrapping the electric kettle they bought you after graduation, “you two are everything to me, I’d never forget you guys,”

She packs the fridge, making sure you don’t starve due to your inability to look away from your computer when you’re writing. After graduating with a bachelor's in communications, you were able to get a position as a writer after interning at The Auburn Times. Your dreams were finally becoming a reality. You have a high-paying job that you love, a nice apartment, a boyfriend—life is perfect.

“We love you, Y/n,” Both your parents walk over to you and give you a big hug, this is it, “you’re gonna do great.” 

Their embrace feels like love and reassurance, you’re so grateful for everything they’ve done to get you here. With a few more goodbyes, you walk them out as they drive away to get home, hours away from where you are now. 

Your apartment is perfect, your kitchen is perfect, everything is just as you imagined. After a few hours of tucking in your bedsheets and setting up your bathroom, you order a large pizza and rightful gorge yourself to a messy reality TV show on your new couch.

On the other side of the city, he waits patiently, the large and lavish office. The chair is stiff under him, but he’s calm, composed.

“Hi, Mr. Kim,” The man with dark brown enters the room finally, a beige folder in his hand as he takes a seat in the chair across from him, “sorry for the wait.”

Taehyung tilts his head a bit, not upset or impatient by any means, “You’re fine,”

“So, you have an interesting profile,” Minho sits back, the folder sitting on the desk between them, “not a lot of kills under your belt but the jobs you have done, not one slip up. But tell me a little bit about your personal life, your background.”

Taehyung’s eyes drift from the desk to the man in front of him, “I moved here when I was eighteen, joined an organization but I just quit recently. I was born in the countryside, lived in a foster home for most of my childhood. My birth mom was strung out on drugs and my dad, don’t know a thing about him. That’s about it.”

“Any close friends? Do you live alone?”

“I have a friend, but other than him, I don’t know anyone here. And yes, I live alone.”

“Good, you’re perfect for off the grid jobs,” Minho takes out a pen and pad to write down a few things, “okay, you’ve got the job.” He takes out the contract and hands Taehyung a pen.

He reads over the official paper, finding the X where he’s supposed to sign at the end of the paragraph of terms and agreements, “When do I get my first assignment?”

“I’ll have one to you by the end of the week. But let’s go over the rules: first, don’t come in contact with the target. That’s guaranteed screw up. Secondly, keep your observation time at a minimum, if not, you’re at risk for developing an obsession with the target, that’s never good. And lastly, one of the most important rules of all; under no circumstances should you form a bond of any kind with the target. The contract you’ll sign to secure this job states just that, a target is a target. If you accept, you get the job done, no exceptions. Got it?”

“Not a problem,” He signs his signature, swearing his life to this organization for a full 7 years. 

“Good,” He takes the pin and tucks the contract back into the folder, “Welcome to the guild.”

It’s noisy.

You’ve been awake for a few minutes, but you’ve heard little movement upstairs—he must be getting ready to go out. Staring up at the ceiling, you keep thinking of that night. How he looked when you hit him, his face flushed, and his eyes tender, he wasn’t angry.

The urge to scratch him when he’s near has lessened, you scold yourself for that. There should be no reason for you to feel anything more than hate for him, so any positive feelings you might have, you have to push down. He kidnapped you, you hate him—you need to hate him.

The door opens and you shyly sit up and gaze at him, he’s dressed nicely in a beige knit sweater and his hair looks freshly washed. He slips the key out of his pocket, “I’m going out today,” Taking your wrist into his hand, he sticks it in the lock and the cuff falls off, “I want you to shower and eat something before I go.”

You can feel him looking at you, waiting for your compliance. But you refuse to move or even look him in the eyes, your attitude will be your downfall one day.

“Hey,” He grabs your arm a little tighter than usual, making you frown, “get up,”

You spare him a halfhearted glance before standing up and walking past him, eager to get to the shower and away from his overbearing presence. 

Surprisingly, he lets you walk upstairs and he follows you to the guest bathroom where you’ve been showering since you’ve been here. He shuffles you into the bathroom as if to tell you you’re walking too slow. You stumble a little, why is he handling you like this?

“Um,” You bite your bottom lip when you only see a towel and washcloth on the counter, “do you have any clothes for me?”

“Just take a shower, I’ll be right back,” He answers flatly, closing the door in your face. He’s so moody right now, you know you can be pretty cold to him, but he didn’t have to slam the door. That won’t keep you from indulging in a nice shower though. You’re grateful that he at least gives you this luxury twice a day. Taking off your clothes, you sit them on the counter and hop in the shower. A few minutes go by and your stomach twists when you hear the bathroom door creak open.

“I need you to hurry up,” He glances at the curtain, trying not to think of you being completely bare behind it, “I have to be somewhere in an hour,” 

“I’m going as fast as I can,” You mumble. When you hear the door close, you get out and quickly dry off so you can get dressed. You notice that nothing he brought you to wear is yours, aside from your underwear and socks, which you choose to not to think of how he picked them from your drawers. There’s a baby-blue hoodie with gray sweat pants, these are definitely not yours, are they his? You cringe, but slip them on anyway. Ugh, you chastise for liking how the clothes fit, it reminds you of how Jin’s clothes used to hang on you. 

It’s comforting to think of him, you haven’t thought of him in a while. He used to be your everything, you two were partners in crime for a majority of your life in the city. But things didn’t work out and you have no negative feelings about it. If anything, you’re grateful to have had the time you had to figure out what you really wanted. Now, look at you, your free lifestyle just a distant memory. 

When he hears your light footsteps he looks at the end of the stairway to see you, his mouth opens to speak but nothing comes out. Damn it, why do you have to look like that? He forgot to do your laundry last night, now he has to live with the image of you like this for the rest of his life. Not paying any mind to his gawking, you glance at the delicious-looking plate and try not to look too excited from it. The sandwich and chips with a large bowl of fruit have become normality, knowing he’d have it prepared every day was one of your only joys.

“I didn’t get the chance to wash your clothes last night, so I had to give you something of mine,” He breaks the silence with a firm voice. He walks up to you and holds the plate in front of you, gesturing for you to exchange it for your dirty clothes. “you can take that downstairs,” He vanishes into the laundry room. 

No need to tell you twice. You hold the plate gladly and head back to the basement or what you mentally refer to as a cave. It doesn’t take long before you’re perched on the cushion and picking at the bowl of fruit.

He makes an appearance once again, this time he stands at the stairs, not fully entering the space. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” With that, he locks the several locks on the door and seals you into your dungeon for however long he pleases.

Music, you hear music. You assume it’s from his speaker, but you’re just not sure from where. You listen and you can hear the song clearly, Fly Me to The Moon to be precise. A tune you often hum mindlessly at home. You think, he had probably heard you humming it several times. There’s no telling how many nights he watched you prance around your home as if no one were watching. Unbeknownst of his presence, oblivious of your nearing future. The thought alone makes you sick to your stomach. You push the plate to the end of the cushion and lay down, dying to return to the peaceful realm of sleep.

The brunch spot isn’t as packed as he thought it’d be. He sits at the table, drinking his second cup of water as he glances at his watch, Yeosang should be arriving soon. Yeosang was the only friend he had in this city when he first moved here, they go way back. About a year ago, he got a job offer abroad and he hasn’t seen him in person since. Today he’s back to visit family and he made sure to schedule a time for one of his best friends.

“Taehyung!” A cheerful voice calls his name, “Long time no see,”

Taehyung greets his blond-haired friend with a and he insists that he takes a seat. “Man, how long has it been?” 

“Too long,” When the two finally sit down, the waitress brings Yeosang a menu and says she’ll be back to see if they’re ready to order, “Berlin is nice, but my social is suffering, I work too damn much,”

“Tell me about it,” Taehyung stares at the menu, debating over the green tea latte or an americano, “it hasn’t been the same since you left.”

“Yeah?”

Yeosang has always been the one person in the guild that he fully trusts, something about him that 

“Yeah, I went on a job with Park Jimin, can you believe I actually agreed? if you were here you probably could’ve talked me out of it,” He sighs, finally deciding that the green tea latte is the best option. When the waitress walks by, he waves her over gives her his order. Yeosang puts his orders in as well and the two go back to their conversation, “the payout was too good to pass up,”

It’s not long before their food is on the table and they’re reminiscing on the good times they used to have. Taehyung was great support for Yeosang and vice versa. They used to get jobs and split a hefty payout for their services as a team, it was nice to work with someone he trusted. But even working alone had its perks, larger pay, less loose strings, no one to debate with. 

“So,” Yeosang peeks at him, noticing how his hair is threatening to grow past his eyes completely, “have you found anyone special? Or are you still living in that huge place of yours all alone,” 

Tugging his bottom lip into his mouth, his feline eyes drift to the window beside him, he has to answer this carefully or it’ll become obvious that he’s hesitating, “No, there’s no one,”

He pries, smirking because he just doesn’t fully believe that, “You should broaden your horizons, Kim. Go out, date, have a little fun,”

Tae sits his drink down and sighs, deciding not to entertain that, “Where are you staying?”

“A hotel, I won’t be spending too much time there though, I have a packed schedule,” HE tilts his head in thought, “maybe I can crash at your place this weekend?”

He smiles, “Sure,”

“Agh!” You slam your body against the door for the third time, but to no avail, it stays locked. If he’s nothing, he’s smart when it comes to keeping you from trying to escape. There are no windows down here and the door isn’t budging for anything. 

After your shoulder began to throb from the constant impact, you decide to give up and sit on the floor in front of the cushion. It’s been days since he’s let you out of here and you think he’s doing it on purpose. Aside from getting you up to bathe and eat, he hasn’t taken you to his room or come down to sit with you. It’s not something you want to miss, but he’s proving to be right about what he said when you were first brought here—you’re feeling isolated. He hasn’t threatened to starve you, he hasn’t made threats of any kind actually, it’s starting to seem like he’s trying to spite you? Whatever he’s trying to do, it’s creating a distance that’s starting to make you feel more uneasy.

Everything feels scary. Not him, but what he’s doing to you. You feel so alone, isolated. When human interaction becomes nonexistent. That’s what he once said but you ignored it at the time, brushing off as a threat to keep you afraid. But he was right, it’s starting to get to you, these four walls. You’re beginning to have a hard time telling what time it is, it’s messing with your senses. You can’t remember the last time you’ve seen another human being beside him. He hasn’t given you crossword puzzles, a notebook to draw in, he doesn’t even let you watch TV. You do nothing, every day you just do absolutely nothing. 

And at night, you’ve developed a bit of insomnia. You stare into the corners of the dark space, telling yourself that there aren’t dark figures staring back at you.

Sometimes, you find yourself thinking of him in the dead of night—his face, his voice, the way his hands feel. Knowing he’s probably the only person you’ll have for a while. There’s something so warm about him, the way he looks at you, those eyes... That’s what gets you the most, those deep brown eyes that you can’t look straight into without your mind wandering. It doesn’t even occur to until now that you don’t know his name, you don’t know anything about him. 

Maybe you could learn, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get to know him. You’re conflicted about it, but what choice do you have? The only other option is to sit down here and go crazy. He’s proven to have a mild obsession with you, why not use that? It’s not so shameful to switch it up and make him think you’ve changed—anything to get you out of this hellhole. 

That’s your decision, seduce him. Get close, if you can get him to trust you, even just a little bit, that’s one step closer to getting out of here.

In your hours of isolation during the day, he’d wait to the late hours of the night and peek down into the basement, seeing that you were asleep. He’d creep down there and sit next to your cushion, eyes trained on you when you’d toss and turn. Sometimes you’d pull on the cuff on your wrist, and he’d get the urge to take it off, but that thought wouldn’t last long. When he’s not working, he’d dedicate himself to learning about you from a distance. Lately, he's dedicated some of his time to painting when the need to see you becomes unbearable. It’s a good distraction. Right next to his room, he goes into his little art studio. He hasn’t been in there as often because he’s been so busy, but he’s thought about letting you occupy yourself in there. Being able to express yourself creatively might put you in a better head-space.

“Are you sure he’s legit, Jungkook?” 

Jin looks over the card, still not too sure about all of this.

“Of course, he’s ex-FBI, very legit, best PI I know,” Jungkook speaks muffled over the phone, “man, he’s a genius when it comes to stuff like this, he finds wat the cops miss.”

Jin sighs, “I hope so. I never liked her living alone, and this was why, just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach,” The silence piques concern in his friend, knowing he’s hurting, “I know we’re not together anymore, but I care about her, I’ll always have love for her, we’re like family,”

“I hear you, just take it one step at a time, she’s a strong girl, always has been” Jungkook tries to comfort him, but he can’t blame Jin’s concern. He’s a lawyer. There are so many cases that he’s come across with missing victims who haven’t come out alive. He only hopes that he’ll never see a case file with your name in it.

Jin looks up when he hears a knock on the door.

“I’ll talk to you later, he’s here,” He hangs up, straightening up his dress shirt before opening up the front door.

“Kim Seokjin? I’m Min Yoongi, Jungkook connected us,” The man stands relaxed, dirty blond hair and a pair of soft eyes, surprising for a man of his reputation.

“Yes, please come in,” He gestures him inside and Yoongi obliges, eyes discreetly checking the place out, “I prepared the folder last night, was there anything else you needed?” Jin closes the front door and grabs to the beige folder off of the kitchen bar.

“Let me see,” Yoongi extends his hand, taking the folder and opening it up. With narrowed brows, he reads over your address, social media, your workplace, little things like that, “this is good. What is your relationship with her again? Boyfriend or-”

“Ex-boyfriend, but we were on good terms, we’re friends. Her supervisor, Suzy, called me, she’s the one who found out she was missing. I was on her emergency contact list, she must’ve forgotten to update it when we broke,” He bites his cheek to stop himself from rambling, “anyway, she hasn’t answered any calls or texts,”

“It says here she’s a writer for The Autumn Times,” He nods to himself, “I think I’ve read a few of her articles. Do you think there would be anyone out there who would have any reason to abduct her? I heard there was a briefing that some of the attending reporters started vanishing from, is she connected to that in any way?”

“No, not at all,” Jin couldn’t anyone would ever target you, “well, now that I think of it, I wouldn’t know.”

“How about new friends, family, a new boyfriend, an old flame, anything like that?”

“No- Well, I wouldn’t know that either, we haven’t talked for a while, but I don’t think so. She’s very career-driven, after me there was no one else that I knew of, and she’s never had a huge social circle,” Jin furrows his brows, a bit taken aback by the thought you getting with someone else who would potentially put you in harm's way.

“Well, I never rule that out, so I’ll do a little digging to see if it’s possibly someone of that nature, but who knows, she could have run off on her own accord, could be a lot of different things,” He closes up the folder, “anything else I might want to know?”

“No, I think that’s everything, if there is anything Suzy finds out, I’ll contact you immediately.” 

“I appreciate it, it’s nice meeting you Mr. Kim,” He shakes his hand, “and I assure you, I’ll carry the burden of worrying about her, you just relax, okay? I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve gotta stay calm somehow.”

“Thanks.”

With about as much information as Jin could possibly gather on you, he decides to go to your home first. Assuming it’s under police investigation, it might be blocked off, but he knows the department well, so getting in won’t be a problem.  One call and he’s given permission to investigate. It takes roughly an hour to get to your apartment, and sure enough, when he approaches the front door, it’s untouched. At least it appears that way. Taking the liberty to survey the home, he pops the lock and walks inside. 

You have a nice place and there’s no immediate sign of forced entry. If it was an abduction, there’s no sign of it being violent, maybe you were unconscious? The said necklace was no longer at the scene, so that was probably confiscated as evidence. With his blue rubber gloves, he starts to plunder through the house. First, he checks your bedroom. The first thing that catches his eye is the bed being made. In theory, if you were taken in the night, why would your bed be made? As he enters your room further, he opens a few of your drawers, nothing looks unusual so he closes them up.

“Hm,” He furrows his brows, if you were kidnapped then your abductor is good. The home looks virtually untouched. For a moment, he’s about to go to his car to grab his camera so he can take pictures of the place, but he hears a beep that comes from the window.

The open window.

Curious, he crouches in front of it and looks it over. There’s no way someone with enough skill to, in theory, make up the bed after taking you, leave fingerprints on the window, but that's not what he’s looking for.

Grazing the window pain, he looks for dirt, gravel, anything that could fall from the bottom of a shoe. Nothing. “Damn.” He sighs, opening the window further.

Just when he thought there would be nothing, he sees the alarm lock. It’s been tampered with. He takes out his phone and snaps a quick photo before writing this down on a notepad. “We’re getting somewhere,” He mumbles, pushing the window down. He’ll come back later for prints, now he has to make a few phone calls.

He’s at the grocery store and he tasked himself with purchasing personal items for you. Soap, razors, lotion, things of that nature. He avoided the impressed looks from women who probably assumed he was purchasing these things for a girlfriend. One particular woman was watching him, pitying his indecisiveness.  He was seriously having a hard time choosing a razor, he forgot what he saw you use at your house.

“Hi,” She smiled, moving into his line of vision, “this one of better for sensitive skin, it’s the one I use,” She points to the one that was fairly priced between the least and most expensive.

“Thanks,” He was relieved to finally just put one in the basket.

“No problem, I’ve been shopping for my boyfriend before, I know how it is,” She winked and went off into another aisle.

After running a few more errands, it was almost sunset and he decided to head home. Instead of checking on you like usual, he showers first. He’s been thinking about you, it’s been a while since you’ve gotten any real interaction. The only time you’ve been seeing him the last few days is to get food or use the restroom, the distance was necessary. He wasn’t kidding when he said you were tempting him, he needed to step back. When you were scared because of him and cried for a while, it was interesting to see that he frightened you that much. He’s got emotional control over you, that much is true. But he’s not sure he’s controlling the emotions that he wants to control. Coming out of his thoughts, he dries off and slips a shirt and sweats on. 

Meanwhile, you can hear his piddling upstairs and you start to lose confidence in your plan. If you could get him to a point where he trusts you enough, you would have a better chance of escape. It seems cruel to deceive him and wrong to want to get close to him just because you don’t want to live in a basement anymore. But if you stay down here any longer you’re going to lose your mind, it’s already happening.

The door suddenly opens and you sit up to see he’s dressed in a white tee and gray-sweats, his hair jet black and fluffy, his expression soft. 

“Come up so you can shower and eat,” The same line you’ve heard for the last few days. 

Testing your boundaries, you don’t move. You continue to sit curled up on the floor, knees pressed to your chest and head hung low. Without a word, he calmly walks down to you.

He crouches in front of you, “Why are you being difficult?”

“I’m just not hungry...” You lie.

“Yes, you are,” He sees right through you, “it’s been hours since I’ve been home.” He tilts his head. Insistent on going through with your experiment, you stay where you are. He scoffs, an amused grin on his face, “You want me to carry you?”

You look up at him, your confidence wavering. “No...”

“Then get up.” His tone isn’t soft like usual, he sounds impatient.

Reluctantly, you stand up, trying to push yourself to your feet. Hoping you can muster up the courage to go through with your plan, you shyly follow behind him.

It’s the same routine, he tells you to get in the shower (his shower this time) and disappears to get your clothes. This time is a bit different, in the shower you notice a few extra thins. A lilac-colored razor, floral smelling body wash that you’re so used to buying for yourself, he bought this stuff for you? Either way, you take the time to shave, there’s no telling when you’ll get the chance to do it again. 

When you turn off the water and wrap yourself in a towel, you see that he put some clothes and underwear out for you, as you expected. Again, his clothes but your underwear and socks. This time, he gave you a dark green shirt and sweats, similar to what he’s wearing now. 

He’s standing in the kitchen, making your plate and his. Dumplings, rice, and a few other sides, one of his favorite meals. When he hears the bathroom door open, he looks up at the banister to see you walking to the stairs with your clothes bunched in your hands. 

“Let me see,” Taking your clothes from you, he gestures to the table, “go sit down, I’ll get you something to drink after I put your laundry in the washer.”

You do as he says, and your stomach growls, debunking your lie from earlier. Taking a seat, you wait patiently until he emerges from the laundry room. 

When he comes to the table with two cups of tea, he glances at you, wondering why you haven’t eaten yet. “Go ahead and eat,” Casually, he picks up a dumpling and starts to eat, “it’s gonna get cold.”

Gazing down at your plate, you hesitantly pick up a dumpling at bite it—it’s actually really good. So, even though you were trying to seem uninterested, you end up eating a little over half of your plate. He grins when he sees your chewing the last dumpling on your plate, now he knows what food you can’t resist.

“Are you finished?” You nod. He takes your plates and takes his time putting the dirty plates in the dishwasher.

Oh god, this isn’t working. How are you supposed to get on his good side when you can barely function when he’s around? You can barely speak you’re so nervous.

“Let’s go, you’re going back to the basement.” 

No no no no, you can’t go back down there. Say something, do something. But nothing comes to your mind and you freeze. Before you know it, you’re walking back down to that dark abyss and you start to feel hazy.

“It’s gonna get a bit cold tonight,” He thinks aloud, “I’ll bring you an extra blanket,” 

You take a seat with a sigh, dejected and disappointed in yourself. This was supposed to be easy. But now that you’re back down in the basement, you’re starting to feel it again. The dread, the isolation that you know he’s trying to make you experience. It’s overwhelming. Why is he doing this? Maybe he’s upset about that night when you hit him, he may resent you for that. But how could he blame you? You’re the victim, you’re the one suffering, being treated like a prisoner, and then he tries to kiss you. Warm tears stream down your cheeks and you don’t try to hide it, there’s no point. Softly, you sob into your hands, you’re sure you look pitiful.

“Why are you crying?” His voice breaks you from your train of thought and you look up. He’s holding a blanket and standing in front of you, more so curious than concerned. Not expecting you to have broken so soon, he takes a seat beside you, eager to hear your reasoning. “What’s wrong?”

“I-” You sniffle, trying to get your words together, “I hate it down here, I see things at night, it’s so dark and- and I see things...”

“You’re just imagining things,” He reasons, not an ounce of sympathy in his words, “there’s nothing down here.“

“But it’s scary, it’s hard to sleep at night,” You wipe your tears, “I keep think you’re going to let me drown like last time, that’s what I keep thinking...” He finds your accusation interesting, given he told you he had that problem fixed.

“No, that’s not gonna happen again, I got that problem fixed,” He grabs the cuff from the wall and you keep a steady eye on his hands. “You’re sleeping down here, give me your hand-” 

“No,” You scoot away, holding your wrists behind yourself so he can’t grab them, “please, it hurts when I sleep...” 

“I really don’t care, you should be used to this by now,” He tries to grab your arms again but you pull away—you’re really testing your luck. “Stop it, I’m not in the mood. Give me your hand.” 

You bite your lip and your eyes glisten with fresh tears, you don’t budge. Being as skilled as he is, he grabs your arm anyway but he regrets it as soon as your deafening cries meet his ears.

“No! No,” Whining at the top of your lungs, you roll your body onto the floor, “p-please,” You sit back on your butt, heart beating out of your chest. You really weren’t planning to lash out like this—but you couldn’t take it anymore.

“You’re really pushing it,” He stands up, glaring down at you. “I swear to god I won’t say it again. Get up.”

When you look away, he takes that as your final answer, you just don’t want to listen.

“Fine,” He picks you up with a strength you didn’t realize he had and tosses you onto the cushion. He easily straddles your waste to pin you down and that’s when you really kick into fight or flight mode. You pull him back to the ground with you and you’re a mess of tangled limbs for a moment. You get the opportunity to crawl away, but he grabs your ankle and yanks you back, making you collapse onto your stomach, “Agh- L-let go,” 

“Stop acting like this isn’t what you asked for,” He pants, “I tried to be nice to you,” He’s trying to get you to stay still. Realizing your difference in size, he gets the idea to press himself against you, smothering you to the hard floor to get your arms without you sitting up, “didn’t you want to be down here? What happened to that? You don’t get to change your mind and do what you want,” He seethes, pressing the side of his face firmly into the crook of your neck while he busies himself with trying to get a hold of your erratic moving arms.

“Get off!” You cry out in a high-pitched squeal, kicking and squirming, trying to get him to give up.

“Stop moving,” He warns through gritted teeth, “what the fuck is wrong with you?” He sits up to look you in the eyes but that doesn’t last long. You violently kick your legs which causes him to lose his bearing, giving you the freedom to move your upper body now. You quickly turn onto your stomach and hold your hands to your chest, sobbing into the hard floor. It’s no use to keep going with you, you’re relentless.

“Okay, I get it, calm down,” He sits up a bit out of breath, now straddling your lower back. Your eyes squeeze shut when you feel his hands run down your sides, extremely slow. 

“There you go, just calm down,” He rubs your shoulders and drags his hands down your sides down to the dimples in your lower back, where he remains. He does this over and over, relishing in the way you seem to become pliant, less rigid. When you let out a small exhale he withdraws his hands and pushes his hair away from his face, “I get it now.” 

“What?...” You whisper.

With a deep sigh of relief, he lays down on your back in a bear hug. What is he doing? You whimper at the extra weight and heat but there’s nothing you can do to get away. He lays on top of you comfortably, not moving or saying anything, he just breathes in sync with you.

“I understand,” He groans against the shell of your ear, “you have to get this out of your system, I know you’ve got pent up frustration against me.” 

“I can’t stay down here, I can’t,” You bite your bottom lip, too confounded physically and emotionally to say anything more comprehensive, “I can’t...”

“Do you want to sleep upstairs?” He asks softly, lifting off of you so you can look back at him. When you nod, he gets up and pulls you to your feet. He can’t help but coo at your flushed face from all that crying, he brushes your cheek with his index finger.

“Come on, take my hand,” He looks at you with earnest eyes, urging you to take his extended hand, “it’s okay.” Carefully, you take his hand and you let him walk you upstairs, freeing you from that dark and lonely place. 

Thinking he’s going to take you to the spare room, you look to the left as he takes you further up the stairs. To your surprise, he turns right and your heart sinks straight into your stomach, you grow farther from the room and closer to his room. Not knowing how to react, you follow him, trying your best not to look terrified, you didn’t expect him to do this.

He leads you inside and closes the door, noticing your shock, he lets go of your hand. As if your feet were bolted to the floor, you stand where you are and watch him walk to his closet. 

“Where-...Where do I sleep?” You ask like a mouse, your voice barely coming to his ears.

“The bed.”

You breathe in and breathe out, it’s okay. You walk towards to the bed and sit on the edge, not undoing the bed-sheets or even getting near the pillow. You know you look awkward but you don’t feel comfortable. When he emerges from the closet, your eyes direct to what he’s holding, handcuffs? Not again.

When he sees that alarmed look in your sleepy gaze. He holds his hands up to show you that he means no harm, “It’s okay, don’t worry, I have to take extra precautions,” With one hand, he pulls the sheets back and stares at you with warm eyes. You start moving, but a little too slow for him, he drags you to the middle of the large bed by your arm like a rag-doll. 

“Lay down,” He pulls the sheets over you and then gets under himself, “I won’t do anything while you’re sleeping, I promise.” 

Taking his word, you do as he says and scoot further under the sheets to lay on your side, facing away from him. 

You’re so impossible. “Face me,” You feel his hand on your shoulder as he turns you over. He grabs your wrist, clicks one cuff on you, and the other on himself. 

Confused, you look at him then at your left hand and his right hand that is now bound by the metal restraint. 

“Don’t try anything stupid. I don’t trust you enough to let you roam free while I’m asleep.” He yawns, scooting a bit closer so that you’re not pulling his arm uncomfortably. “Sorry, you lost that privilege a while ago.”

This didn’t go as planned. He wasn’t supposed to take you to his bed, you weren’t supposed to have a breakdown and fight him, you were hoping it would go smoother than this. Now you’re laying in his king-sized bed, cuffed to him as you face each other.

His eyes are open and prying, enjoying being so close to your pretty face, he’s been waiting for this moment. You’re so entertaining to watch, he smirks when he notices you struggling to stay awake. Every few seconds, your eyelids would flutter a bit and you would frown, trying to keep them open despite your fatigue.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” You swallow the lump in your throat, feeling caught, “you should go to sleep,” He mumbles, rubbing your arm with his free hand, “I won’t go to sleep until you do, so we could do this all night, but I know you’re not gonna last.” He murmurs with a sleepy grin.

“Why did you break up with Jin?” His question is so sudden, it catches you off guard and you stammer, trying to figure how he knows that and how you should respond.

“How did you know that?...” 

“Just tell me why.”

“We were good friends, an- and it should have stayed that way,” You pause, a little shy to explain further, “we had two different lives that just weren’t compatible anymore, that’s it...”

He makes a sound of acknowledgment, satisfied with your answer. 

“I know you’ve been living alone for the last few years, I’m sure you got lonely after the breakup, you don’t have a lot of friends,” He keeps his hand on your shoulder, still rubbing gently, “but you seem okay. You do a lot of things to busy yourself, your job, volunteering, things like that...That’s good, you function well by yourself. But here, you seem so small and your independence is gone, you have to rely on me, you hate that don’t you? I’m sorry, I know you do...But I’m all you have, you’re starting to understand that,” 

His hand is warm, and you find yourself leaning into the feeling when he scoots even closer, your face now centimeters from his, “That’s good, you’re so good Y/n...” He praises you, nuzzling his head against yours.

“Hey, you know what’ll be fun? How about you ask me a question,” Sleepily, you shake your head no, and he frowns.

“Come on, there must be something you want to know,” He pries, pushing your hair aside so you can look up at him, “Ask me something, I’ll answer one question, then you can sleep.”

“Um...” You rake your tired mind for a question and one suddenly comes to mind, “What’s your name?...I- I don’t know your name...” 

“Good question,” He coos, “my name is Taehyung.” Finally, you know something about him, rather than him telling you any and everything you’ve ever done in your lifetime. You breathe in and shut your eyes, squeezing your fist and exhaling against his skin. 

You relax in his heavy embrace, you let him hold you and he sighs when he feels you succumb to sleep. He knows this isn’t real. He’s been in his line of work far too long to be played, even by someone he adores as much as you. Unbeknownst to you, he knows exactly what you’re doing but he’s letting you do it anyway, for selfish reasons. He knows the drill, become friends with the enemy, sleep with the enemy, and your chances of defeating the enemy increase. Despite being aware that you’re deceiving him, he doesn’t care. If it means he can hold you close and not be pushed away, it doesn’t matter how real or fake it is—he wants it anyway. 

[dboliklover]

Can you make a scenario where Subaru and his lovers would raising a cute little daughter, please?

Hi! Sorry, this took me ages to write! It’s part one of a drabble series I hope to have on this blog. 

I hope you’ll like it <3 

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______________________________________________________________ Daddy! Subaru x Mama! Reader Part One: (4 pages)

You gave Subaru something he never believed he would be fortunate enough - or deserving enough - to attain. You had given him that, which he was convinced he was unworthy of.

A family. 

You had given Subaru Sakamaki a chance. A chance to have what he never did in his childhood - a loving, proper family. 

And he loved you. He loved you so much more than you would ever know - he loved you more than he could ever be able to effectively convey.

It was hard to believe, now, that your daughter’s third birthday was fast approaching. If you’d told him eight years ago that he would even get the chance to fall in love - he would have bitterly scoffed and demanded you leave him alone - or else.

He still had no idea how he got so incredibly lucky, but he was glad for it. So, so very glad. 

With ruby eyes, Subaru observed as you ran about the Rose Garden with your beloved daughter. You had named her Haruka Christa Sakamaki. It had been your suggestion to name her after his mother - a choice he’d been reluctant with, but eventually agreed on - his mother had been far from a saint. in fact, she scarred him psychologically for life, but at the same time he could never bring himself to hate the woman who had given him life; even if she then abused and neglected that life. 

She was his mother and he loved her, and he always would - despite it all. 

And, if anything - it only served to further the fire of hatred in his heart for his father. He often wondered what life could have been like, had Karlheinz died when he was young. It was without a doubt that if Karlheinz had died when the brothers were still young, they would likely had had significantly better relationships with each other. 

Life would have been so much better if only his father had been out of the picture completely. 

“Subaru?”

Your tender loving voice snapped the albino out of his troubled thoughts. His gaze fell upon you and just like every single day of your lives, merely looking at you took his breath away.  “Are you okay?” 

He turned to look at you with smiling eyes. “Yes,” He responded, “I’m just...thinking.” 

You were about to ask what was troubling him, but Haruka’s voice interrupted you “Daddy!! Mama!!”

You smiled, “Here’s my baby!” You exclaimed, crouching down with open arms, the wind blowing through your hair ever-so-gently as your two-and-a-half-year-old daughter ran into your arms. You wrapped your arms around her and picked her up, bouncing her softly up and down. 

To Subaru, the entire scene was out of a dream. Something that had always felt so foreign and distant - and now, it was here and it was his. 

You were his moon - the one who had helped him through the darkest of nights, who was always there when he needed you - even if he couldn’t see you - and who lit his way when all felt hopeless and lost to ensure he could stay on the right path.

And Haruka was the stars in his vanilla sky. She was his beautiful, bouncing baby and he adored her - and you - both of you were his sky - his world. At this point he could never fathom an existence devoid of either you or your daughter, even imagining such a thing was far too raw and painful for him. 

Recurring nightmares haunted his mind for weeks on end on a regular basis - terrible dreams where you were both taken from him - slaughtered mercilessly in front of his very eyes. It killed him a little more each time to witness, if only in dream form. 

But right now - his Moon and his Star - were here, beside him, safe from any harm. As it should be. 

“Daddy!!” Haruka exclaimed, and he now realised that she was holding a crown made of flowers in her tiny hands, wriggling in her mother’s embrace to get closer to him. It was also at this point Subaru acknowledged the bountiful crown of petals and leaves perched upon your own head, as well as his beloved daughter’s. 

If Subaru from the past - brash, abrasive and cold - could see the man he’s become...well, he wasn’t sure whether he’d be pissed, impressed, embarrassed or grateful.

Shows him how much he’s changed to himself, huh?

His heart fluttered as an involuntary laugh escaped him and allowed his daughter to place the crown of flowers on top of his head. His body language was awkward and stiff, which caused you to let out a loud giggle. 

Haruka clapped her petite hands as soon as Subaru lifted his head, the flower crown making him look terribly pleasant. 

He was still not quite...used to things like this. It felt strange - in the best of ways, of course, and though he feared he would never fully get into the flow, he wouldn’t change this for the world.

“You look very beautiful, King Subaru.” You teased with challenging, amused eyes, knowing fully well that your remark would cause him embarrassment. 

Subaru glared at you for a moment, then sighed, loosening the muscles in his face, the blush contrasting with his pale complexion. 

Eight years he’s known you - and somehow even after all this time, you managed to make him flustered. 

He still had troubles with himself - often - times he’d breakdown in front of you, screaming for you to get away from him, to leave him - it was only natural after all he’d been through and being raised to believe himself a monstrous being. 

But you stayed by his side and he knew, even in times of sorrow-clouded doubt, that you would remain right there, beside him, until the end of time - because you had proven yourself and your love for his time and time again and after all that you had been through together he knew that your love was an unconditional one. Haruka was the very embodiment of that pure, unconditional love. 

“Daddy looks pretty!!” She squealed out in joy,  beaming with laughter, and you laughed, too, and Subaru smiled - a true, real smile; one he thought impossible until he met you. You changed his entire universe and now you created an emblem of hope for him from the seeds of your womb.

You thought for a moment, and then gently handed your child to him. Even now, Subaru still feared to hold her just as he had fretted over it when she was a newborn. It was endearing, but these days you were beginning to get sick of it. “You won’t drop her,” You whispered into his ear as you transferred the bouncing baby girl into his arms, smiling reassuringly. You had to bite back your laughter when he held her as if she were made of glass - he always held her like she was the world’s most fragile little thing. And you mused to yourself that, in his eyes, she probably was. 

The way he looked down at her as he held her, cooing and whispering sweet promises to her about how he would protect her from harm and always keep her safe warmed your heart and was almost enough to make you cry. 

You loved your husband so, so much. ______________________________________________________________

Subaru begrudgingly wore the flower crown for the rest of that night, alongside you and Haruka, who insisted on it. You’d helped her to create them, teaching her methods of folding the flowers over each other and securing them into harmonic knots. Due to her young age and unskilled hands, you’d been the one to do most of the work when creating them and she observed you, but you told her that she’d been a huge help because you knew that she loved helping others. A surely wonderful trait for a toddler to have - you could only pray to the powers that be that you would be good parents to her. 

So far, so good, though. 

When it was time to tuck Haruka into bed, Subaru offered to do it. You smiled and agreed as you brushed your hair in front of the vanity table in your shared bedroom and waited no longer than a minute before placing the brush down and hurrying out to the corridor to silently watch from the shadows. 

You leaned your figure against the door frame of Haruka’s bedroom, smiling with teary eyes as you witnessed Subaru singing to her a lullaby that you assumed Christa had sung to him when he was a baby - before it all came crashing down. You’d only heard him hum and sing on a few scarce occasions, so this was a big deal since he always felt humiliated and embarrassed by doing something so...flamboyant as singing. 

The gentle expression on his face made a tear drip from your eye down our cheek, because he was so beautiful - they both were - and this was your life and it was perfect. There were difficulties and eternal danger looming over you - but you couldn’t care about that at the moment, not when you had the most astonishing family in the world here with you.

It was a futile attempt to blink back your tears, for they fell like silent waterfalls the moment you saw Haruka’s little eyelids fluttering shut and saw Subaru kiss her little forehead goodnight. He leaned back and stood from the corner of her bed, tucking her in, his entire attention upon her. 

He then touched the flower crown with the tips of his fingers, taking it off just to stare at it for several moments. 

And then he kissed the petals, too, and proudly placed it back upon his head. When he returned to your bedroom, you had a feeling he would take it off and place it on his bedside table or your vanity whilst acting as though you had forced him to wear it unwillingly (in a joking manner, of course) but you knew, like you always did, that he loved every second of today. 

Sneaking off before he could hear or sense you, you returned to your room, smiling contently as you sat in your chair, staring at your reflection with pure, unadulterated happiness.

- Mod Rozalia 

[1-lightofjustice]

Choice and Fate

Preview :   

("I made it in time to be with you at your final moment and share your destiny. I am satisfied with that.") -July, 1999

("It may come to be that you'll share my destiny and have to die with me." "Then so be it.") -December, 2013

Two Kings, two knights, and their shared destiny.

Pairing : Fushimi and Munakata, Habari and Zenjou. No romance but a very deep bond

Tags : Metafiction, Angst with Happy Ending, Zenjou Gouki P.O.V

Notes : I was re-watching Side Blue Seven Stories, and boy do I fangirling hard when Zenjou talked about "shared destiny" (It's the same word, unmei!). Especially since Munakata and Fushimi's secret plan is my favorite thing on K : ROK. Then when I read about previous Blue clan's tale, it occurred to me that Habari/Zenjou/Shiotsu really has some similar dynamic with Munakata/Fushimi/Awashima. Responsible and doting beautiful King, serious and disciplined Lieutenant and second in command, and the wild card "can't wear their uniform properly" private force of the King. Their situation is also somewhat familiar, but of course in Munakata/Fushimi/Awashima's case, they ended with happy ending *pats Zenjou and Shiotsu*

Link of this fic on ao3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/31751149

Throughout the surprisingly long life of a Zenjou Gouki, he has encountered many crazy situations. Hell, he managed to see the Kagutsu Crater incident right in front of him and stayed alive. But what happened last night can be included in one crazy thing that happened in front of his eyes after a long time.

It started with him following his current superior (not King, Munakata Reisi is never his King) to a small plain room. It was furnished exceedingly modestly, having only a desk and a bed. Zenjou thought that this boring place must be the perfect place to discuss something like a secret plan. Munakata seemed to notice his thought, informed him with a light tone.

"This is my private room. Not many people know about this room, so it will be convenient for our secret meeting.[1]"

"So you really have a place to rest. I've heard rumors about you are some kind of creature who doesn't need sleep." surprised Zenjou. Zenjou has heard many rumors regarding what a bizarre creature the current Blue King. From he has an infinite set of glasses to he lives inside network and doesn't need rest, because no single person ever see him in any condition except straight and sturdy. Although, he also never saw Habari slept either.

He wondered if that was Blue Kings' stubborn trait, to never let people see their crumbled form even on the brink of their death. Yes, he already knew the state of Munakata's Damocles Sword, but the current Blue King's eyes never waver in fear of his own fate.

Just like Habari on that damned day...

A disapproving tongue click voiced his thought, also turned his attention toward its source. Entered a lanky boy with a scowly face that maybe can rival Shiotsu. Of course, he knew immediately the identity of the boy. Fushimi Saruhiko, the number 3 of current Scepter 4. The wild card of the King, Munakata's favorite [2], who has given authority to act freely as his liking [3], much to the discipline Lieutenant Awashima's frustration.

("Zenjou, don't just face the enemy head out! I ordered you to wait, didn't I?!"

"So what? Habari said it's okay, didn't he? You're too stuck up, Shiotsu..."

"Sigh... Habari, you're too sweet with Zenjou.."

"It's fine, isn't it? This guy does a better job when he runs freely.") [4]

"As weird as he looks like, Captain is a human too. Obviously, he does things like resting and sleeping like the rest of us. He just works all the time like a moron and spouting nonsense like King doesn't get tired or something like that." Fushimi's sarcastic quip brought him back to the present. Zenjou has to tell Shiotsu that as delinquent as his past self, this boy is way way worse than him.

At least he never called Habari a moron.

Captain didn't look offended at the insult, though. He greeted the boy with his usual amused tone.

"Ah, Fushimi-kun, you finally came. Have you finished your work?"

The boy shrugged and sat on the only chair in the room, facing Munakata who was seated on his bed. Zenjou himself was content to stand leaning on the wall, away from any of them as possible.

"Tsk, after the alliance agreed on Silver King's plan, I have so many things that have to be prepared. You are the one who asked me to come to your room after today's work is over without getting noticed by other people. Do you realize how wrong it sounds?"

Munakata only smiled at Fushimi's insolent words.  

"I'm sorry, but there's something important that I have to discuss with you in secret. It's related to Silver King's plan that we've heard this noon. After listening to that, I am planning to make a backup plan in case his plan is failed."

Backup plan...quite a natural move for the current Scepter 4's Captain. For a Blue King, he had a quite pessimistic mindset. Once again, Zenjou ascertained that Munakata is not the same as his bright and optimistic Habari.

But, a doubtful thought entered his mind. Was Habari indeed always optimistic?  Suddenly he recalled his conversation with Habari about birds dropping, and Zenjou mulled, maybe Habari knew about his upcoming tragic fate earlier than he thought. [5]    

Fushimi looked at Munakata with a curious gaze, devoid of worry or mistrust upon Captain's words.

"You think his plan will be failed?"

"I can't say that his plan will surely fail, but for a King who runs in shadow all this time, it's weird for Green King to make such an open attack. I have a feeling that Green King has something on his sleeve and it potentially can mess up Silver King's plan."

"Why didn't you say something at the alliance meeting earlier?" asked Fushimi, fully aware that the usual Munakata Reisi should not hesitate to say anything on his mind at the earlier alliance meeting. Munakata pushed his glasses in a somewhat weirdly embarrassed gesture.

"Because I'm still not sure what is Green King's hidden trick so so that my suspicions can seem like paranoia for no reason. I also don't want to discourage other Kings before the battle. Anna-kun is still a child and Isana-shi seems to...have quite a weak mental strength. Besides, the fewer people who know about my backup plan, the better."

Fushimi scanned around the room, seemed to have just realized the absence of Lieutenant Awashima and other Scepter 4 members.

"Lieutenant and the rest of Scepter 4 members are not included in your plan?"

"Yes, I just need you, Fushimi-kun, and you, Zenjou-san. I don't plan to include other clans either but I can't control their action. Is there any more question?"

Looks like finally the curious youth ran out of his questions. Zenjou himself refused to say anything unless he was asked directly.

"Alright then, will the two of you hear what I have to say?"

Zenjou felt a sudden deja vu. Three of them, a king and two wild cards, this situation mirrored their meeting before Kusuhara's avenge mission.[6]

"Fine, let's hear about your plan."

"If our defense on Mihashira tower is defeated and the Slate gets stolen by Green clan, I need you to enter Green clan, Fushimi-kun."

Zenjou froze upon hearing the sentence. He threw his full attention toward Munakata, to see what kind of face he made after uttered such a crazy task. But Munakata didn't seem going to take his words. The current Blue King switched his gaze at the boy Fushimi, who had an unnaturally speechless look on his young face.

"Infiltrate Green Clan, get as close as possible to their secret quarters and the Slate, then give us chance to attack them."

Fushimi's shocked face lasted for a few minutes. Then he finally found his voice to spoke up.

"Let me get this straight. You want me to be Green King's clansman. That means betray Scepter 4. Betray  you ."

Munakata maintained his unshakable serenity.

"Yes, we will have a fake quarrel in front of everyone and you are supposed to leave me in anger."

The youth gradually lost his shocked face. In exchange, his mouth morphed into a twisted grin, and he let out a quite long crazed laugh. Captain just stared at him in silence with no intention to stop his subordinate's bizarre action. In the end, the boy regained his composure and threw Munakata a bitter smile.

"I see, it's such a fitting job for a traitor like me."

Munakata lowered his gaze, but his voice remained steady.

"Indeed you are the only one who can do this task, not only because you have switched clan before, but also I have complete faith in your ability to fulfill this mission."

"Faith, huh..."

Hearing his favorite subordinate's mocking tone, the Scepter 4 captain stood up and walked to the table near the boy. He gently put his hand on the table and spoke softly.

"But I understand that it's not an easy task to accept so you have all night to consider this. In the morning, please give-"

"I'll do it."

"Fushimi-kun?" Munakata's composure shook a little, jolted at Fushimi's resolute words. The person in question stared his Captain head-on with a determined expression.

"I accept this mission. Truly annoying, but I understand the importance of the backup plan, and your plan seems logical enough."

"Fushimi-kun, I advise you to think about this matter carefully. This is a mission with no guarantee that you would return alive. You can refuse it."

"Tsk, don't you say that you have faith in my ability?"

"I have absolute confidence that you can perform this task successfully. But after Green clan is aware of your espionage, you will be trapped in the middle of enemy's territory alone, especially since this mission is kept as a secret from everyone except me, you and Zenjou-san."

Fushimi took his eyes off Munakata and looked at Zenjou, as if just noticing the veteran's presence in the room. He looked at the scarred man slightly annoyed, probably because he didn't like other people to see his last (maybe) mental breakdown.

I don't want to see it either, kid. I don't even know why I am here.

"I understand to keep it from Lieutenant and others to make my betrayal will look real, but why does Zenjou-san is included in this plan?" protested Fushimi, not caring a little bit about Zenjou's demonic popularity. Then again, that kid once (maybe) deliberately passed him and taunted him with his own Captain's condition [7].

Truly no wonder that he's Munakata's favorite.

"After you give a chance to attack, I plan to confront Green clan and Zenjou-san, I need you to be my only companion."

If before Zenjou froze, now he felt like he was being doused by cold water. No one in the room didn't understand the hidden meaning of the Blue King's sentence. Munakata walked toward Zenjou and stared at him sternly, signified how serious the situation that Zenjou was getting into.

"I do not plan to include other Scepter 4 members since Awashima-kun and the rest should handle clan's matters in my absence. Zenjou-san, I will rely on your ability to give me the best possible protection while facing Green clan."

So he refused to say outright about the elephant in the room, huh. How hilarious. Voicing his thought, the youth snorted sarcastically.

"Pft, best possible protection, isn't he your executioner? Or what do you call him? Your Sword of Damocles, part of your destiny."

Wow, ain't that familiar words. So the boy overheard his conversation with the current Blue King on Kusuhara's avenge mission. Munakata didn't mind his subordinate's provocative words at all and firmly addressed the elder man.

"Zenjou-san, are you willing to accompany me and obliterate any threat that can harm humanity?"

Zenjou-san was well aware that the said humanity's threats meant by Munakata are not only about Green Clan and their grand plan. Munakata planned to push his Weismann's level past its limit to face Green clan, and when his Damocles Sword is at the risk of getting down, his life will be the obstacle that must be removed to prevent massive destruction.

(”Zenjou, you will always do the right thing. You will cut what needs to be cut.”)

"I will cut anything that needs to be cut."

"That's good then" nodded Munakata, who seemed satisfied at the confirmation of his own execution.

Silence engulfed the small room. Neither of them intended to open break the ice, probably busy with thoughts of each great burden on their shoulders. After a few minutes, the boy spoke up with an amused yet depressed tone.

"Lieutenant will not be happy about this."

"I bet she won't," chuckled Munakata softly.

"If somehow we can survive in the end, she will choke us with massive ankos."

The boy suppressed his giggle. He was aware of his impending fate, the high possibility of his death with his King...

And he laughed.

On  that day , didn't he also laughed at the possibility of his death alongside Habari? Wait, no, he laughed about how angry Shiotsu to be left alone and has to handle all the mess after their death. And in the end, Shiotsu still had to take care of all Scepter 4 matters because Zenjou after he cut his own king is truly dead in everything but breaths.

Glad that Shiotsu isn't obsessed with anko. Not that he dislikes anko, though.

Captain's chuckle disappeared, seemed that he didn't enjoy Fushimi's newest humor.

"Fushimi-kun, are you sure-"

Fushimi stood up to silence Munakata's mouth, fixed his eyes to his Captain steadily.

"Shut up, I said that I will do it, didn't I. Just like you said, I am the only one who can do it. Instead of nagging me, you should think about yourself."

Fushimi turned around, refusing to face his Captain. The boy muttered petulantly.

"....I am not the one who will walk toward a practically suicide plan."

Munakata sat back on his bed, staring at the room ceiling.

"Your mission has a very high risk, it can be considered a suicide plan, though. It may come to be that you'll share my destiny and have to die with me."

"Then so be it."

Seeing the despairing scene unfolding before his eyes, Zenjou looked away, hard. He didn't like it. The scene he saw right now, is too similar like on that day.

("I made it in time to be with you at your final moment, and share your destiny. I am satisfied with that.")

"Well, there's nothing left to discuss, right? Then I'll go, there are so many things that need to be prepared for tomorrow's plan, also for this new backup plan."The boy hurriedly walked toward the door, still refuse to turn back and saw his Captain.

"Fushimi-kun?"

"Yes?"

The current Blue King took his eyes off the ceiling, focused his attention at his subordinate's back.

"If there's a time when you can choose your fate, please choose the best option for your safety."

The boy was silent for a few moments. Then, still with his back to his Captain, he grabbed the doorknob

"I'll keep that in mind."

The door was opened, and Fushimi was ready to walk out of that room. But, he turned back facing Munakata and stated with a soft yet clear voice.

"When the time comes, I have a feeling that my body will do what I think it's right to do, reason doesn't matter. Just like that night when I stepped to your side. So, I can't promise you anything that I myself can't understand."

"I see... Then, whatever your choice later, do not hesitate."

("Do not hesitate, Zenjou.")

"Yeah, I will not regret it."

I don't understand. Why did I must kill you that time, Habari?

The former right-hand of late Blue King silently watched as the youth's figure completely disappeared from the room. The current Blue King rose from his bed and also walked to the door.

"The meeting is over. Looks like we have so many things to be prepared, aren't we, Zenjou-san? Or do you have any questions?"

Questions? He has so many of them. He felt like he didn't understand anything at all. Blue Kings. Munakata.

Habari.

But there's one thing he had to make sure of.

"You will not let the boy share your fate, aren't you?"

Munakata just smiled softly and walked out of the room, as if his smile is enough for an answer. But the right-hand man of the late Blue King understood the meaning of that damned familiar smile.

The answer is as clear as the blue sky.

King, Zenjou thought, is truly the cruelest being.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

As Munakata predicted, Mihashira's plan was failed and Green clan succeed in stealing the Slate. As per Munakata's plan, he had a nasty verbal fight with Fushimi and the boy left in anger (he wondered how much it was acting and how much it was their scream to each other for the last time). Then, just like Munakata's prediction, the boy managed to be Jungle J-ranker, the current Blue King was fired from his job, and the rest of Scepter 4 were not allowed to leave home base.

The final stage had been prepared.

"I wish I knew what they were thinking, both Captain and Fushimi-san!"

A young energetic blue clansman's voice of frustration echoed in his ears, while he accompanied the Captain walked toward Green clan's base. Funnily, he wondered the same. He glanced at the current Blue King, hoped to catch a glimpse of emotion regarding his impending death. But the current Blue King walked straight as usual, there is no hesitation in his steps and his regal posture.

Habari, when you stood straight facing my sword, surrounded by destruction, what were you thinking?

Did he think about his duty as King to preserve society?

Did he think about his fate to die for everyone's sake?

Did he think about the benefit of his disappearance?

Is it... Is it so wrong for Zenjou to think the opposite?

To think that the world can crash and burn as long as he can be on his King's side?

("The country would be destroyed."

"I see... None of my concern. I fight with you, I die with you. That's all I need to do. Let Shiotsu take care of the rest.")

Losing on his thought, and let his body automatically slashed anything that came across their path, he halted when Munakata suddenly stopped in the middle of the road.

"Now we wait."

Wait, for what?  

Zenjou got his answer quickly after. The road in front of him trembled and shifted. Green clan members around them yelled in panic, confused why and how the gate of their secret base was opened.

But the former right-hand of late Blue King understood. The boy did it. He chose to stay on his King's side and fight for his sake, disregarding his own life.

This means that for the boy, opened the gate for his King is the right thing to do.

Again, he hurriedly took a glance at the King beside him. The Blue King smiled softly, relief in his eyes tingled with immeasurable fondness.

"Fushimi-kun. You have done it."[8]

("That's right, Zenjou. That's fine.")

As if his mind wasn't already filled with painful nostalgia, a familiar person appeared from the gate. Ootori Seigo, the Gray King, another person who lost his everything because of Kagutsu Crater.

"Good grief, the gate really did open. Nagare's foresight is quite accurate."

Of course, the Gray King acknowledged Zenjou as Habari Jin's right-hand man. It's been 14 years ago, but no one will ever forget everything that happened in the middle of Kagutsu Crater. Not that he had any business with Ootori Seigo, now.

He was Munakata's problem.

As the Gray King summoned Damocles Sword, Munakata also summoned his. The broken Blue Damocles Sword clashed with the solid Gray Sword.

The Blue King unleashed his sanctum, pushing his Weissman level.

Green clan had been aware of the boy's infiltration.

The countdown of their death has begun.

So far, everything has gone according to Munakata's plan. But then many unexpected things happened. The first was the arrival of the red and white clansmen who entered the entrance that had been opened by Fushimi. Indeed, the Blue King had said that he cannot control the movements of other clans, but what happened after that certainly completely deviated from Captain's prediction.

Scepter 4 members, who were supposed to be confined in their home base, disregarded the orders from above and came to assist their King. For a supposed genius, Munakata is truly stupid to think that he stopped being their leader after he was fired. As if any clansman will accept that a single piece of paper dictates them to abandon their King.

("Tokyo Legal Affairs Bureau, Civil Registry Department, Annex 4 is just a facade. Our true identity is the proud Scepter 4 clansmen of Blue King, Munakata Reisi").

Supported by his clansmen's sanctuary, the Blue King rose from adversity and managed to turn the tide. In the end, he succeeded to land a fatal blow on Ootori Seigo and made his Damocles Sword disappeared. Every blue clansman rejoiced for it before suddenly Munakata's whole body crackled with uncontrolled Blue power.

Scepter 4 Lieutenant suddenly rushed to his side and prevented other people to come closer to her King.

"Everyone, stand back. You too, Zenjou-san."

Not too long ago, he challenged Lieutenant Awashima to kill her King. He didn't really think that it had to be her job to slay her King and stop her King's Damocles Sword. Maybe he was testing her. Maybe he was just annoyed because she nagged him about his role in killing King in the past (not that she was worse than Munakata about that). Maybe he was a little resentful because people like her remembered him best as the person who was credited with stopping Habari's Damocles Down by killing his own King.

No matter what reason, it was clear that Awashima took his words seriously. She immediately went to Munakata's side and kept everyone away from him.

"I am his lieutenant. If necessary, I will..." declared Awashima firmly, But her hands were shaking, indicating the heavy feeling raging in her heart.

("Zenjou, as always, you never do wrong things. You will cut what needs to be cut.")

The current Blue King just kept calm with his crackling body. Maybe he already gave up on controlling everything that happened around him and allowed himself to go with the inevitable flow of fate. What did he say before? 'There are times when you want to throw out reason and let fate take its course'.

"Awashima-kun, when the time comes, do not hesitate."

("Do not hesitate, Zenjou.")

Too focused on what was happening, no one noticed the gray king's departure from his previous place. Zenjou just noticed it for a while, and let him be. With the old man's battered body, Ootori couldn't do anything except mustered his last strength and limped toward his purpose of life.

"At least, he can die where he wants."

Which is certainly couldn't be said for Zenjou. All he can do is to live and observe the next tale of Blue. Blue that did not belong to him.

Wild power in Munakata' body was intensified. Crack in the huge blue sword grew exponentially. Lieutenant Awashima strengthened her grip on her sword, gritted her teeth.

Will history repeated itself?

Will the right hand of the King, the most devoted clansman of Blue, killed her own King?

Suddenly, crackles that enveloped the Blue King stopped. The broken Sword of Damocles disintegrated into blue sparkles, diluted in the clear blue sky. Lieutenant Awashima drastically relieved her tense posture, utterly grateful painted her pretty face.

Munakata himself didn't show any sharp change of expression. With the same serene and peaceful smile, the former Blue King whispered softly.

"It seems my life has been spared."

"Captain!"

Munakata turned his back facing his Lieutenant. He noticed the strong woman's refreshed face, as if she was just relieved from a huge burden and all is well. That's exactly what happened, indeed.  

"I must admit that I was a bit curious to see if Awashima-kun would be able to slay me. However, I appreciate your efforts. Thank you."

Asshole. Even just after be free from the brink of certain death, the young captain is as cynical as ever. The Lieutenant's emotion didn't change much, but if someone looked closely, a spark of anger flashed her eyes.

"With all due respect, Captain. Your gratitude alone will not be enough."

"Huh?"

"Excuse me!"

A loud, well-deserved punch, streaked Munakata's baffled face. Zenjou snorted, silently cheered.

Serves him right.

He was truly satisfied to accompany Munakata today.

A huge earthquake shook underneath them. The Scepter 4 Captain in everything but an official title (not for long) quickly ordered his clansmen to evacuate. He himself stayed in the place he stood, stared forlornly at the remnant of Green Clan base below him. Come to think about it, Munakata had been staring at the Jungle entrance ever since he defeated Gray King.

As if he dropped something precious in there.

Do you regret hoping that he doesn't share the same fate as you, now that you survived?

Suddenly, a green light appeared behind him, carrying the bruised but clearly alive Blue's youngest clansman. The newly former King turned around, and finally met his private soldier's eyes for a long time since their hurtful (fake) quarrel. There are so many things that happened to them, so many things that should be discussed, but the youth casually spoke up, as if they're in a normal day of normal daily Scepter 4 life.

"Mission accomplished, sir.."

"Well done."

Seeing the serene scene in front of him, Zenjou suppressed the bitter envy in his heart.

If only he and Habari's situation ended up like them...

Kagutsu bastard... if he wanted to destroy everything so much, he should destroy the damned Slate when he was at it.

0000000000000000000000000

"So, have you found your answer on the last incident?" asked a man with a scary face beside Zenjou. His name is Shiotsu, the former Lieutenant of Habari's Scepter 4 and Zenjou's closest comrade after Habari. They were on a drink together in the same oden store as the last time [7].

"What answer? I was simply watching the current Blue King." replied Zenjou while sipping his drink. Shiotsu scowled.

"You certainly watched him because of  that time . You said that you want to understand Habari after all.[9]"

Smoothing his frown, Shiotsu raised his glass and pondered.

"To be honest, I am curious too. How did he feel when he stood between his own life and massive destruction? How did he feel when he asked you to kill him?"

"Habari didn't ask me to kill him. I chose to do it."

The bespectacled man suddenly stated, put his glass down slowly.

"That's my answer I guess."

"What?" perplexed Shiotsu. Zenjou Gouki is the absolute loyal dog of Habari Jin. For him to admit that he chose to kill his King... the former Acting Captain of Scepter 4 couldn't believe his ears.

"On the recent incident with Munakata, The Blue-I mean former Blue King didn't ask Awashima to kill him. Still, she rushed to his side, just like I did in the past. She's prepared to do what needs to be done, for Scepter 4 and society's sake. On the other hand, that boy Fushimi chose to risk his life for Munakata, opened the gate that became the entrance for Silver King and his alliance to enter Jungle, and indirectly caused Munakata's Damocles to disappear. Both of them didn't move because of command. They just did what they think is the right thing to do, without hesitation."

Zenjou took a dejected breath, and continued calmly.

"At that time,  maybe it happened to me as well. All Habari did was to let me do my choice and accepted his fate."

Shiotsu was silent, stared at Zenjou's contemplative look. The former guard dog of Blue King's face was melancholic just like how he always is while thinking about their King, but he could feel that finally, his closest comrade found peace in himself.

"I see... Then, did you regret your choice?"

Zenjou smiled wistfully.

"Part of me still wants to die alongside him on that day, but I will try not to regret what's already happened."

Shiotsu still remembered the days after the Kagutsu incident. Zenjou's blank hopeless look, as if his soul went with his king to the afterlife. Zenjou who left Scepter 4 right after Habari's death, and withdrew from everyone. Zenjou who refused to come out, and chose to grieve in silence.

Looking that his friend's sorrowful yet serene smile, Shiotsu felt very grateful that his friend was still alive and sat in his side.

"Good for you, Zenjou."

Looking at his comrade's unusual fond smile, Zenjou chuckled.

"So you can make a smile with that scowly face, Shiotsu."

"Shut up. I was born with this face, but you and Habari's recklessness certainly didn't help me to hold back my scowl."

Zenjou let out a crisp hearty laugh. Then, as if he had just remembered something, he grinned.

"Speaking about recklessness, Lieutenant Awashima is also not happy with both the current Blue King and his boy's recklessness. She's so angry when knowing that they literally walked toward suicide plans without her knowledge, intended to leave her alone to stay in Scepter 4 HQ and handle Clan's matters after their death. The discipline Lieutenant punched his superior and tried to break the boy's back with her hug."

Hearing that, Shiotsu couldn't help but snicker. Oh, he knew the feeling of that Lieutenant's frustration and exasperation very damn well.

"Of course she is, and they deserved it."

"On  that day,  Habari left your side to face Kagutsu alone. I also followed him and tried to die with him. To think about it, perhaps we both could be that reckless because we know that you can survive and take care of the rest of matters after our death. Like Awashima, do you ever feel angry-"

*BUGH*

A hard-boiled punch followed by a back-breaking hug answered Zenjou's question.

Reference :

[1] Case Files of Blue volume 2 chapter 3

[2] Fushimi Saruhiko side story

[3] Days of Blue Chapter 4

[4] Side Blue Oneshot- A Dog Reminiscence

[5] Zenjou Gouki ~ Dog Droppings, Bird Droppings

[6] K Seven Stories Side Blue

[7] K Countdown Chapter 6 : Damaged Blue

[8] K Return of King Manga Chapter 12

[9] K ~ Seven Stories ~ Piece 7: Habari Jin

[storyofsin]

Do you know anything about the movie Performance 1970? If so please would you share your knowledge with us, I find the whole thing so intriguing but know nothing.

Okay I know I received this ask well over a month ago but I rewatched Performance last night and finally feel prepared to talk about it. I'm going to be separating this into two parts; behind the scenes drama and actual film discussion.

Behind the scenes drama:

Okay so the infamous drama that went down that this is known for is that Keith Richards accused Anita Pallenberg with having an affair on Mick Jagger while on set. This almost broke up The Rolling Stones (kind of like how Brian Jones wanted quiet after Anita left him for Keith) but obviously Mick and Keith were able to get over it and I believe not too long after filming Anita found out she was pregnant with her and Keith's first son Marlon. I remember reading stuff that supposedly Keith presumed that the baby might not have been his but christ that boy is Keith's clone.

However I should also mention that initially Marianne Faithfull was supposed to have Anita's role but she found out she was pregnant and had to be recasted (around that time Anita found out she was pregnant as well but decided to have an abortion so she could keep the role - I'm not shaming, actually good for her! there is no such thing as a bad reason to get an abortion!). But I still can't believe Mick cheated on a pregnant Marianne, I know he horribly cheated on everyone he had ever been with but christ Mick, have a little integrity for once in your life! But that same man also cheated on Bianca Jagger so yeah, he's an idiot.

I would also like to add this film was shot in 1968 and I can't imagine how ahead of its time this would have been but Warner Bros execs were apparently incredibly grossed out by the film, in particular the disgusting and filthy conditions of the bathtub that the 'women' (word used in what I read despite the fact Mick Jagger is in that tub as well) were all bathing in. Honestly the filth is what makes the film so much more real and interesting compared to a lot of other psychedelic films from around that time.

The soundtrack for the film was meant to be done by The Rolling Stones as a whole but due to the affair Keith was not interested in doing that and that was when Brian was going through his breakdown after his second drug bust.... so no score from them :( but it's still an amazing score but there are bits that sound, and forgive me if this makes no sense, that sound very Brian Jones-ish. There are aspects of that score that remind me of his contributions, the songs that he had a big part in composing, and even the A Degree of Murder score. I don't necessarily think they were trying to rip him off, I honestly think it helps add to the whole idea that Mick's character Turner is inspired by Brian (and having seen this film 3x I feel like I can see more and more of him in Turner with just a little hint of Keith for balance).

This is a little more silly and I have pointed it out on my blog before but you can see the kaftan Brian wears at the Rock and Roll Circus on one of the clothing racks in the film (also there are behind the scenes photos of Anita wearing it - probably because it's hers and Brian most likely stole it) Here are comparisons:

I wonder if it was revenge for the amount of clothes Anita took from Brian after their big break up... but that's not important. Now onto the film itself.

Film discussion (Spoilers obviously):

I can honestly say I needed the three watches to be able to understand this. I was completely confused the first time around (did not help I took like 3 gummy edibles and it was the second time I had done that... the sound became distorted in parts and the screen was spinning lol) but I still loved what I watched and specifically remember absolutely loving Mick's performance (still one of my favorites) but there are so many layers to this - everyone always seems to hyper focus on the drug aspect and rarely on the sexuality and gender parts of the film. Obviously drugs are a big part of the film - I believe it was one of the film's directors who stated that Performance was made to be a pro-drug film (which is hilarious). But if that was all the film was then it would have been another forgettable psychedelic film much like The Trip (1967) or Psych-Out (1968) (though I do suggest Psych-Out! I love that film) but it goes much deeper than those films do.

With the drug aspect, I like how the psychedelic, tripping scenes weren't like how the other films did it with bright colorful spinning lights all over the place but instead with a kind of ugly sequence that goes straight to the brain - because that's what drugs do, you're not going somewhere else you are entering your own mind. And Chaz, the film's protagonist played by James Fox, sees in his drugged out state Mick Jagger as the role of his boss making references to his sexuality in a sly way while making all of Chaz's associates strip naked. It's all scored to Mick Jagger's song 'Memo from Turner' (love, love, love this song by the way).

Throughout the film the idea of performing comes up a lot (duh it's the title of the film) but specifically the concept of presenting yourself in such a way that it appeases those around you. In Chaz's case it's shown in the film that his whole persona is a performance, that his toxic masculinity and heterosexuality are not really him. That he over emphasizes his attraction to women because that is what he is meant to be but his true self slips in every once in a while, the main visual I remember is his wall covered in nude photos of women but there also being a few photos of boxers that are in great shape and only wearing shorts. There is a character, Joey, that enters the film who has some kind of a past friendship with Chaz but it clearly went horribly wrong as Chaz's boss does not want him to speak to him. But Chaz disobeys and ends up pissing off Joey so he retaliates by destroying Chaz's apartment with red paint (including the word 'poof' written on the wall), beating the crap out of him, humiliating him and trying to get him to admit to his sexuality. He ultimately kills Joey instead because he would rather be a murderer than admit to who he really is.

Chaz and Turner have an interesting relationship to say the least. Chaz, on one hand, seems to be rather uncomfortable by the 'bohemian' lifestyle that Turner and his two girlfriends, Pherber (Anita Pallenberg) and Lucy (Michele Breton), live. Turner and Pherber take it upon themselves to expand Chaz's mind themselves by 1) trying to get him to dress more femininely and trying to get him to admit that it's perfectly fine to feel like you are a woman sometimes (with reference that neither Turner or Pherber fully identify as either man or woman entirely) and 2) drugging him with hallucinogenic mushrooms leading to the musical sequence featuring Turner.

The film implies throughout that Chaz and Turner have some form of an interest in one another, whether it be platonic, sexual, or romantic I think is more up to the viewer (though I would not say it's platonic...) The scene that gets to me while watching is towards the end, Chaz wakes up and find Turner in his bedroom than it cuts to the two of them in bed together and they embrace but then it cuts to reveal that it isn't actually Turner but Lucy (who Chaz thinks kind of looks more like a younger boy than a woman). He does like Lucy but there is a clear sentiment throughout that he wishes it was Turner who did come to his room. Even Turner seems kind of mad that he let Lucy go down to talk to Chaz when initially he wanted to be the one to do that.

In the end when Chaz is forced to leave because his boss finally found him, he makes one final goodbye to Turner (and Pherber) but Turner is insistent that he join him. Turner represents so much to Chaz, he represents what Chaz secretly wishes to be; completely open with his sexuality and gender and not caring if anyone is uncomfortable by it while also being clearly attracted to Turner as well. But Chaz is confused by everything going on (and he has a limited amount of time before he has to leave) and decides the only way he could be happy now is to become Turner. So he kills Turner, there is a quick shot of going through the bullet hole into his mind (similar to the tripping out scenes) and Chaz leaves. The film's ending is Chaz, now played by Mick Jagger, leaving in a car with his boss.

I must admit it took me until this third time watching to fully grasp the ending. Chaz is sick and tired of performing for everyone (i.e. being a masculine, heterosexual man) and the only way to stop that performance is to put on a new performance and become Turner (i.e. androgynous and non-heterosexual) because I don't think he can ever truly be himself. The whole film is everyone trying to get Chaz to be the real him but that's the last thing he could ever want. He'd rather place all these affectations on himself and play a role instead. It's just now this new performance is more aligned with his 'true' identity but nonetheless it's still a performance.

[dirtycreekwater]

Hey! If you are still taking prompt suggestions for the analogince au how about 2. Character B goes to A’s room to grab something, only to stumble upon A’s little gear. (with character B being Logan maybe?) Have a great day 💓

ok so i actually already started writing this prompt with Roman before i got this ask so i hope you don’t mind that. i also combined it with 6. Character A and B have been good friends/dating/work together for a while now. For one reason or another, they’re going to be moving in together! A feels that it’s time to reveal to B that they’re an age regressor. this is just how this au is starting. the actual reveal will be in another part!

—————————————————

au: platonic analogince/agere Virgil

dni: remrom shippers and nsfw/abdl/ddlg etc. blogs

—————————————————

Virgil was going to do it. He had to.

He was finally going to move in with his two best friends, and he would no longer be able to keep his secret. His hidden coping mechanism, lifestyle if you will. He was going to have to tell them that he was an age regressor. The only problem was the possibility of losing them because this secret was not normal. Or at least it wasn’t socially acceptable. It was seen as strange and unhealthy or even worse seen as something sexual. Virgil just had to laugh at that incorrect detail. As if being in the same mindset of a child, and behaving like one should ever be sexual. The mere idea made him shudder. Hopefully Logan and Roman would not mistake his regression for something so horrible. Hopefully he would be able to explain everything before he could be judged.

With that last thought Virgil took his pacifier out of his mouth, and placed it back into his box of “regression gear.” Which unfortunately he had labelled; he would have to cover that somehow before he brought the box into his new apartment. He wouldn’t keep it covered forever of course. Just until he was ready to come out. Virgil looked around his room for a moment before his eyes landed on his sketchbook. He reached down to grab it off the floor, and opened it up to a blank page to rip out. He then took a black sharpie off his bedside table and wrote “books and random shit” onto the piece of paper. He shrugged as he grabbed some tape, and placed the new label over the one on the box. That would do.

Roman was perplexed. He knew Virgil had anxiety, and he knew moving was always stressful, but his friend seemed to be on the verge of a total breakdown. He was picking at his skin again, an old habit he thought he broke, and he was absolutely refusing any help bringing in his possessions. He was a nervous wreck.

“Virgil?” Roman called as his friend was carrying the last of his boxes to his room.

“Yeah?” Virgil responded.

“You seem like extra stressed. Do you wanna do a movie night once Lo gets home?”

Roman swore he could feel Virgil’s anxiety radiating off of him. It was like he was frozen in time, probably running through a million different scenarios in his mind.

“I’m not trying to assume anything, Virge. I’m not going to pry. Just a little concerned and I want you to have a good first night with us.” Roman tried to assure him.

Virgil let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, and mumbled, “Yeah, yeah, no that’d be cool. Chill. Whatever.” as he quickly headed down the hall.

Roman watched him go, not entirely sure how to feel about what just happened before shrugging it off and walking into the kitchen. No movie marathon was complete without dinner, and snacks.

Once Logan returned home he was made aware of the movie night plans after expressing his happiness to their new roommate. Of course before they could even begin they had to have maximum comfort. They each got changed into their coziest pajamas, and filled the couch with the softest pillows and blankets. Virgil unfortunately had to forgo his pacifier this time. Hopefully this would be the only time. Luckily he could have his favorite blanket. Which he of course forgot, and only realized once he was sitting.

“Shit,” Virgil exclaimed. “Forgot my blanket. Why does this only ever happen when you get comfortable?”

“Oh, I can grab it for you,” Roman offered as he was still gathering some necessary items. “Where is it?”

Without thinking of the potential consequences Virgil accepted his offer, and sunk further into the cushions until he was practically one with the couch. Logan just chuckled and shook his head as he sat next to him.

Meanwhile Roman had entered Virgil’s room and scanned it for the box labelled “blankets” he was informed of. Roman opened it once its location had been spotted, and sifted through it until the specific blanket was found. As he turned to leave he noticed the adjacent box’s label was peeling off, and was revealing different words underneath. Roman wasn’t sure if peaking behind the label counted as snooping but it surely didn’t feel right. He just couldn’t help it. His curiosity would kill him if he didn’t. Careful not to fully rip the label off, he pulled it back a bit until all of the words were showing.

“Re.. gression... gear?” Roman read out loud. “Whatever could that be?”

Regression was reverting back to a former state of some sort, right? What state could Virgil be regressing to, and why did he need gear for it? Why was he hiding this fact behind a made up label? Would looking inside the box to figure it out be going too far?

“Yes, idiot,” Roman mumbled. “That’s definitely too far.”

Roman quickly stuck the label back on, and left the room before his roommates could wonder what on earth was taking him so long. He’d have to ask Virgil about his finding later. Or maybe just forget about it. He wasn’t sure yet.

The rest of the night went on with no problems, but Roman couldn’t get that damn box out of his head. He so desperately wanted to know what was inside, what secrets Virgil kept.

He thought Virgil had told him, and Logan everything. He opted for the bandaid method every time he wanted to say something. What was so different this time?

Roman could only wonder, and hope his friend wasn’t hiding something dark.

They would find out eventually, right?

—————————————————

[calliecat93]

Well didn’t get this done before Chapter Five came out, but I’m still MUCH more caught up than I had been. Good thing they’re going on a six week break here soon since that’ll not only let me catch my barrings... but let my soul have a break, GOOD GOD THESE PAST TWO CHAPTERS HIT HARD!As far this specific chapter goes... boy I did not expect me to shock me as much as it did. So w\let’s not waste anymore time and jump right into it.

Overview

Robyn is recalling a story about Joanna in prison, but neither Jaques or Qrow are all that into. But she does manage to get Qrow to finally smile, as well as notice him still holding Clover’s badge. She apologizes for what happened, which lets Qrow vent about the entire fiasco and how for the first time in so long, it felt like he had made a connection without having to fear his Semblance ruining it. Robyn... actually understands, herself having been ostracized due to her lie detecting Semblance making people fear her revealing their secrets. Harriet and Marrow enter, throwing Watts ack into his cell. Harriet doesn’t believe Qrow declaring his innocence, even when Robyn offers to use her Semblance. Robyn also calls Harriet out on essentially blaming others and not caring about the truth since it’s easier for her to not accept her own blame. Before Harriet can act, Marrow stops her and the speedster storms off/

Back in the tundra, JYR are still giving chase to The Hound, Jaune even launching Ren at it. It doesn’t work and The Hound even calls for backup, summoning more Grimm. It leads to a giant chase sequence, including a new song that IDT has a title yet, but it is dark as Hell. The chase ends with two of the bikes being destroyed, Yang and Jaune almost falling over a cliff until Ren uses his grappling features to save them, and the three are forced to watch as The Hound escapes with Oscar in it’s clutches. Back up in Atlas, RWBNM have gone to, surprisingly, the Schnee Manor to lay low and tend to Nora. Whitley is less than pleased, especially with what Weiss did not even 24 hours ago in-show, but Weiss makes it clear that they’re not leaving and she sends him to his room. As Weiss and May tend to Nora, Blake sees Ruby worried about the others. She suggests that Ruby can still call Yang... but there’s one problem, Ruby already did.

JYR are out of signal range, forcing them to make their way back to Mantle on-foot. During the trek however, Ren’s closed up attitude is flaring up, which eventually causes Yang to get on his case. Ren i9s frustrated due to not just losing Oscar, but everything that has happened. Losing the Relics, Ironwood’s betrayal, the current Grimm attack with Salem just outside the doorstep. Even with yang pointing out their accomplishments and admitting that they have made mistakes but still pulled through, Ren’s anger flares as he points out that they are WAY in over their heads. Jaune tries to calm them both down, but Ren continues to point to how Ruby is leading them despite still being a kid, he himself is an orphan form the middle of nowhere, and the biggest shock is him getting after Jaune for forging his way into Beacon. This shocks everyone, even Ren himself, but Jaune simply says that he’s getting out of the cold and walks on. Yang asks if Ren just wats to push everyone away before following, leaving Ren shocked and upset.

Meanwhile... oh boy, this scene. Oscar wakes up and standing right across from him is Salem. She addresses Ozma and how long it’s been since she’s seen him and... yeah it’s pretty unsettling. Oscar tries to act like Oz, but Salem sees right through it and tries to get Oscar to give her answers. He genuinely doesn’t know where the Beacon Relic is, so Salem tries to get the password to the Lamp out. When he tries to use the ‘out of questions’ ploy... Salem uses her magic to... magically torture him... yeah it’s... rough. Oscar still doesn’t talk, so Salem brings out Hazel... you know, the guy who hayes Oz probably more than anyone and has sworn to kill him? Yeah...

Cinder meets with Salem, taken back by The Hound which Salem calls an experiment. Cinder again tries to convince her to let her go after Penny, but Salem again orders her to stay put. Cinder agrees... well, verbally anyways. But she knows that the heroes are likely going to still try and launch Amity, so sh decides to go for the Maiden Power anyways. Neo is less than thrilled with this plan, but Cinder has another person willing to help her: Emerald.

Back in the tundra, JYR have found shelter for the night and Jaune admits that Ren is correct about how he cheated his way into Beacon. But he’s since realized that he was above his mistake and tries to convince Ren to not push them out, knowing fully well how all that it does is hurt you more. If it did any good, Ren doesn’t show it as he goes to sit outside. Yang has found a part to fix the bike and also assures Jaune that she knows that he worked hard to get to where he is now. She starts working on the part before asking Jaune if ‘she’ thinks any less of her. Jaune, assuming that she means Ruby, assures her that they’re sisters and will be fine... but Yang was talking about a certain cat girl. Our episode ends here... but not before showing us the ice nearby beginning to crack... thanks a lot CRWBY!

Review

Like I said in the intro, I didn’t expect this chapter to shock me like it did. Did I expect intensity? Of course, especially after the last chapter? Did I expect what we got? Nope, but it was perfect!

Let’s talk about Ren first. Ever since last volume, it’s been clear that he’s been unraveling. He wasn’t engaging in Nora’s antics anymore, was more closed up than usual, seemed in agreement with Ironwood at one point, and of course his mini-breakdown in the finale Not even Nora and him kissing helped, heck considering what happened after it only seemed to make him worse. Even now he’s at serious odds with Nora for the first time since childhood, something that is clearly bothering him despite him keeping it to the chest. He’s trying to keep his focus on his duty, but with everything going more and more wrong, the facade is not only shattering, but the cracks are causing him to push those close to him away.

His argument with Yang was a tense moment. I like it though. Not only for more unique character dynamics, but out of every character Yang will lay it out as it is. If Ren’s going to have an attitude problem, then she will call it out and not give a damn about the reason why. Since Nora can’t get though to him, the harsher approach is kind of the only thing left. Ren’s breakdown was hard to watch... and he is right to an extent. They are in over their heads. Their decision, even if the right one morally, is creating more problems and endanger more lives. Ruby is still a kid and she’s placed far too much on herself. I think he is underestimating himself and the others about not being ready, but his concerns are completely understandable and he has some good, if harsh, points.

But then he brings up Jaune cheating his way into beacon. Yeah, been a while since that came up, huh? I actually gasped when that came up. While Ren clearly didn’t mean for that to come out, the fact that he did when pointing out that they’re way over their heads does display at least some doubts he has about his leader. JNR have grown close over the past few volumes, Ren and Nora essentially considering Jaune family by the time of Volume 6. So hearing this was hard, especially since all that Jaune was doing was trying to calm him and Yang down.

I do, however, like how Jaune reacted. Back in the early volumes, he likely would have taken it as a blow to his confidence and gotten huffy about it. Now? While the blow clearly stung, he keeps himself in check and keeps focus on finding shelter. Then once there, he outright admits that Ren’s right and tries to comfort him. He tries to advise him on opening up and how closing yourself off doesn’t help. Considering that he tried this both in V1 when we found out how he cheated and after Pyrrha died and only getting better when he allowed others to help, he absolutely knows how Ren feels. But the fat that he handled this so maturely and tried to help his friend instead of get angsty about it shows how much he’s grown. It’s really nice to see.

Now let’s talk about Weiss and Whitley. So this got some... mixed reception. Some were upset about Weiss pointing her weapon and Whitley and her general harsh behavior towards him this chapter. Now I do understand the first part since I was similarly annoyed at Yang for threatening Qrow in Volume Six when all that he was trying to do was be reasonable about the Lamp. It was likely too harsh, but in farness Weis sis not only trying to help save the kingdom, but one of her teammates is in critical condition and she has no time for Whitley to be angry at her. The Manor is the safest place at the moment, and she needs to get Nora care now. Not saying it’s a justification, but it isn’t her being mean for the sake of it either.

But even so... guys I’m sorry, but do you seriously expect Weiss to suddenly forgive and coddle Whitley this soon? After years of him belittling her and rubbing his success in her face while she was punished, not to mention seeming more concerned about the family reputation than the current conflict? I’m sorry , but it’s not that simple. Yes, Whitley is also a victim who was manipulated and groomed by his father and unlike Weiss, he was never able to get a proper support system or have any family to help like how Weiss had Winter. I do feel bad for him, and I do think that Weiss will take her mother’s words form the last volume and will help Whitley later in the volume. But they’ve both hurt each other. Whitley by treating Weiss badly, and Weiss not giving him support like she was given. They’re both victims AND hurt each other. Some try to paint it as one is problematic and the other is an innocent child, and that’s simply untrue. They’re only going to realize that if and when they talk out their problems with each other out, it’s just a matter of when it’ll be. It takes time to mend these kinds of things, sadly.

Next is the villains scene... ho boy. So I’m gonna wait on Cinder for the next chapter, but her ignoring Salem in favor of power isn’t a shock at all. No, let’s discuss Oscar. Just... this poor, poor kid. He’s trying to be brave, but seeing him get tortured and especially the screaming?! Aaron Dismuke, why do this to me you jerk?! I do admire him for trying it imitate Oz and keep his composure, but it was just so... brutal to watch. Salem doing it so calmly and being perfectly willing to wait for the answers since she can just make Oscar suffer is... well, evil. And don’t think I missed her with the shadow versions of her daughters. Some say that humanizes her, but since she remorsefully tortured a child and sicked an emotionally unstable brute to physically harm him without a care in the world... no. It didn’t excuse Ironwood, and it sure as Hell isn’t excusing Salem. Tis just makes her all the more terrifying.

Okay... last thing is that scene at the end. The Bumblebee implication scene. So... I won’t lie it did annoy me at first. Before anyone says anything, it was NOT because of hating the ship or anything stupid like that. I’m not a huge Bumblebee fan, but anyone who keeps saying there’s nothing there at this point is living in denial. It’s happening people and since at least Volume 6, I think they’ve been doing it pretty well. My issue is mainly just because... we’ve had plenty of Bumblebee content. Volume 7 had them together in pretty much every scene, and I just don’t like having a pair of characters limited like that. I had the same issue with Renora, especially in Volumes 1-3, and with shipping in general. The main reason though is that I want there to be some more focus on Ruby and Yang because I feel like it’s been a long time and that there is a genuine conflict between them that can bring some interesting things for both. I’m not saying they need to be at each other’s throats, but siblings DO argue and no, it doesn’t always get easily resolved and I am speaking form experience here. To be fair it could happen later and Ruby herself hasn’t been pondering on it that much either. Heck Blake seemed more concerned about it than either of them have. But I would like to see more than just the one pair that I’ve already seen focused on plenty of times because it’s limiting. That’s just a personal thing though and I’ve always enjoyed sibling stuff more than romance, so yeah just a me thing.

That being said, those saying that Yang doesn’t care about Ruby need to calm down. No, that is NO the case. Did we forget Yang trying to console a broke Ruby despite her own grief just last volume? Mere hours ago in-show at that? Despite what I said above and while she’s clearly concerned after Ruby’s recent choices, Yang still loves and ultimately trusts her sister. She never said that she didn’t think that Ruby would fail or was wasting her time, she just felt like Mantle needed them more and the consequences to trying were too much. Heck this is a spoiler, but considering her reaction in the next chapter, it only reinforces that belief. At least with Blake, this is the first time they’ve willingly split apart and Yang clearly still has some abandonment issues and concerns. Plus... yeah, it’s natural when you have feelings for someone to worry if they made a bad choice that may make them doubt them. Blake won’t, but it’s understandable. Heck, Blake was clearly concerned about Yang when trying to get Ruby to call. I think she was trying to comfort Ruby as well with the suggestion, but it was still pretty evident... also Ruby and Blake interaction, yay! Still yeah guys, let’s just... chill a little bit and see what more comes of anything.

Okay, got that out of my system, and I apologize if it came across wrong. Whatever annoyance I had I’m over anyways, especially after the recent chapter. Anyways, the chapter had so much good. Plus we not only had a badass chase sequence, but a new song! Again, IDK the title, but it was another banger for sure. The opening scene with row and Robyn bonding and Robyn calling out Harriet was great. Marrow’s subtle expressions showing how not okay he is, and I’m seriously hoping that he may be the one to free the others. It would be a really good move for his character in him deciding that being lawful doesn’t equal the right thing, and making it right especially considering his interaction with Robyn last volume. The animation was good with the backgrounds looking fantastic, the pacing has been on fire, and of course that ominous ending. God they’re trying to keep us on edge, and I love it!

Chapter Stats

Favorite Character: Lie Ren Favorite Scene: Ren losing it in the tundra Least Favorite Scene: Probably the wrong term, but seeing Oscar be tortured while well done was hard. Favorite Voice Actor: Neath Oum (Ren Favorite Animation: JYR chasing The Hound Rating: 9.9/10

Final Thoughts

This was fantastic, especially in the character department. I haven’t been this shocked in a good while. It hurt no doubt, but the writing and voice performances were so well done. Seriously, this is probably Neath’s best performance to date. Add in the great animation, the tone being on point, and the set-ups with the Schnee Manor and cracking ice and the fact that this is only Chapter Four is crazy. But it’s only going to get crazier people... oh so, so much crazier. Only one review to go until I’m back to being caught up... my poor heart XD

[katehuntington]

Title: He Is The Reason Author: Kate Huntington (please do not copy my work) Fandom: Supernatural Characters: Reader, Dean Winchester Pairing: Dean x Reader Summary: After a case almost goes wrong, Y/N reaches her breaking point. She tries to wash the memories away in the shower, but the only one who can really help her, is Dean. Warnings: NSFW, 18+ only (if you’re under 18, don’t read any further), angst, trauma, panic attack, smut, shower sex, oral sex (female receiving), fingering. Dean being absolutely amazing. Word Count:  2757 words Author’s note: Kate writing smut, it’s a pretty rare sighting. But, especially for you: emotional smangst. Thank you, @kittenofdoomage , @theyaremyveryownthoughts and @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish for being awesome betas! You are all a huge support. Hope you all enjoy!

     It’s way past midnight when the hunters entered the bunker. Exhausted and worn, Y/N dragged her feet to the showers, muttering to the boys that she needed some time. Clearing her sore throat, she closed the door and turned the faucet, before stripping herself from her dirty clothes. 

     Now, with the water running and steam spreading in the small space, she is staring at her reflection in the mirror while leaning on the sink. Moist builds up on the glass, but she doesn’t need a clear vision to detect the dark circles under her sunken eyes, the dirt on her dry skin and the blood in her tangled hair. Holy shit, you look like a stack of train wrecks.

     Her appearance matches her mental state. In the Impala, between balancing on the edge of unconsciousness and vivid tainted memories mixed together with a nightmare, she gave today’s outcome a lot of thought. God, this case could have gone so terribly wrong. Once again the hunters beat the odds, because honestly, what were the chances of the Winchesters finding her? 

     Demons took her, waiting for the opportune moment when she headed out by herself, to pick up some pizza. A team of five ambushed her in the little Italian place down Main Street in Lebanon, killing the staff while they were at it. It was a set up and clear as day that they wanted to catch Dean’s precious girlfriend alone. Payback, they called it, as the torture went on for hours on end. She knew she was being used for bait. She also knew the Winchesters would show at some point. The question was, if they were going to be on time. One wrong remark and those black eyed bastards would have killed her, just for sport. Anything to get revenge, for all of their kind that Sam and Dean sent back to Hell over the years. 

     Those three days that she was chained to an autopsy table in an abandoned morgue left enough marks as it is, though. Handling fear is in the job description, but fuck, she was terrified. They got creative. They undressed her, tied her up completely naked, cutting her delicate skin with dull knives. They pulled nails from her toes and beat her to the edge of unconsciousness, but never over it, because they didn’t want her to have a break from the pain. They used their powers to twist her intestines into bends she didn’t even know were possible and there were many times that she was sure something had burst inside of her. She trembled, cried, silently wished for Dean, the image of him the only thing that kept her hopes up. She prayed to Cas, even though the place was warded. When that didn’t work, she prayed to Chuck, but since when does God ever give a shit, right? 

     Leaving her blurry reflection for what it is, she turns away and gets in the shower. Water almost hot enough to burn her skin falls down, but she doesn’t flinch. The dirt, the filth, it has to wash off. It feels like acid is pouring into the breaks of her skin, but she bites down the pain. She needs to get clean in order to leave the memories behind. But let’s face facts; not even boiling hot water could wash away this trauma. 

     As she stands there under the hot rain, her breathing picks up. Tears mix with the water coming from the shower head as she rests her forehead against the cool tiles, trying to find support, might she collapse. With her eyes closed she cries, arms crossed in front of her chest protectively. There’s nothing left for the tough as nails, brave, and independent woman that she thought herself to be. These three days have been too much, forcing her to lose the game she used to play so well. I can’t do this anymore, she thinks to herself. 

     Her knees are about to give out, but before she  sinks down on the tiled floor, she hears the doorknob turn. Startled she pulls in a sharp breath, holds it and exhales slowly, trying to calm herself. Man up, wipe your tears away. Dean can't see you like this. But the sounds of her cries must have carried further than she wanted. That’s why he’s here, isn’t it? Deciding that there's no point in hiding it anymore, she waits, listening to the sound of fabrics wrinkling and rubbing as he strips down. The sound of his footsteps approaching the shower. The sound of the curtain sliding aside, letting a cool draft lick at her ankles. 

     The moment Dean lays eyes on her broken body, his heart crumbles. The woman for whom he would do anything to make her happy, has gone through hell. She got caught in the crossfire in this war he is fighting. She got hurt, because those sons of bitches knew it would hurt him. Guilt twists in his gut when he notices the cuts and bruising on her naked form. He has to make it right, he has to take the pain away. He owes her that much, after everything she has done for him.

     Contradicting thoughts cause her to remain unresponsive, her back turned to Dean while leaning against the tiles, shutting him out. He shouldn't be a witness of the mess that she is, but deep down he is all she wants right now. Without words Dean gives her exactly that, because within moments she feels his warm hands snake around her waist, after which he carefully pulls her back against his chest. His touch does something to her, something she doesn’t expect. One would expect the gesture to give her strength, but instead she falls to pieces in his arms.       “Shhh… I got you. I got you,” he hushes, his chin on her shoulder as he wraps his body around her a little tighter, offering his girl the shelter she desperately needs. “I know. I’m here now... You’re safe.”

     Moved by his affection she grabs his forearms and squeezes them, letting her tears run free as she rests the back of her head against his chest. Allowing herself to let out a sob, her walls fall. Physical pain rips through her chest as it tightens, causing it to be impossible to breathe. The breakdown isn’t just led on by this case, the life, the close call with death. It’s because she and Dean almost got separated for good, the one person she cannot imagine being without. They almost lost each other, and she can’t hide the fear that thought alone brings along. Not from him. The most intimate feelings and her scariest thoughts are safe with Dean, because he’s familiar with every single one of them, too.      “Breathe… Just breathe,” he soothes, holding her close as he can.      Fully accepting his support, she turns around in his arms, pressing herself against his strong frame. Still unable to stop herself from crying, she opens her hand and spreads her fingers over his chest, her cheek against his heart as she listens to his rhythm of life. She senses the kiss he leaves on her hair, but she doesn't see that Dean closes his eyes, moved as he does so. Her breathing evens out to meet the same pace as his soft caress on her back, soft whimpering fading into the sound of the water raining down on them. 

     Without breaking the intimacy, Dean takes the shower gel from the small shelf in the corner of the shower and squeezes the lotion out of the bottle into his hand. Hoping it will relieve some of the stress, he spreads it out over her shoulders and back, running his fingers over tense muscles as the soap starts to foam. Eventually she stops hitching, quieted by his touch as she leans against him, feeling his hands on tight knots between her shoulder blades. It hurts slightly as he rolls his fingers over the sore spots, but with every movement the tension in her back is relieved a little bit more, until the pain is as good as gone. Dean continues washing the dirt away, soaking the blood from her hair and letting the water take it into the drain. The way he takes care of her is so gentle and soothing, that she feels much better by the time she’s washed clean. 

     Y/N lifts her head and looks up into the sea of emerald green in his eyes, taking him in. Water droplets chase each other down from his shoulders, beads hanging from his hair. He probably didn't shave for days, since a week old scruff frames his strong features. Dark circles tell the story of long, worried days, but right below them playful freckles are sprinkled on his cheeks and nose. A small smile forms on her lips as she counts a couple, triggering Dean’s eyes to become a little brighter. For a few more seconds they dwell in that moment where they just look at each other, surrounded by mist and comfortably warm water, but then she closes the distance and tiptoes to kiss him. As their lips meet, both push everything that has happened to the back of their minds. It's still there, though, allowing the unconditional love they feel for each other to magnify. It could have been over. She could have died today. Yet here they are.

     He kisses her back with such passion that nothing else matters anymore. With her eyes closed she lets her hands explore his wet skin, moving up his toned chest, running up his neck to cup his face. Drops bounce off her shoulders and run down the lines of her bruised form, which Dean handles very gently, aware of how fragile she is right now. Arms crossed behind his neck she pulls him closer, pressing her body against his. She  wants him, she needs him, because who knows when it all might end? It’s the positive side of surviving such a traumatic event; one only then understands what’s truly important in life. It teaches a person to live in the moment, to treasure all that's beautiful and appreciate the time that is offered. 

     Willingly, Dean follows her cue and pushes his hips against her, his fingers raking through her hair. The water washes away the worry that weighed heavy on him and he closes his eyes, water drops dripping down his face and clinging to his eyelashes. He listens to the sound of the shower and Y/N’s respiration between kisses, rhythmic and intriguing. After slowly turning her around he pulls his girl closer, her back now against his chest, nuzzling his nose against her skin as he kisses her shoulder tenderly. God, it feels good to have her in his arms, to be intimate with her again. I found her. She’s still here. It’s the only thing he can think of as his hands trail over her breasts, then continue to follow the fine edges down her body. 

     Captivated by his touch that feels similar to the water seeking its way down her skin, so light, she lays her head back against his chest. Baring her neck for him to kiss, she moves her hands over his, fingers interlocking as she follows his movements. 

     Every touch says ‘I missed you.’ Every breath whispers ‘I’m so glad you’re alive’.

     Shivers run down her spine when his fingers slip down to the most intimate part of the female body, parting her folds. Closing her eyes she whimpers, letting him build her up as she holds still. While his lips gingerly brush her ear, his index finger swirls over  her sensitive nub. The slow-building high that starts to cloud her mind pushes the nightmares away, bathing her in a peaceful bliss. For a little while her train of thought stops completely and all she feels are the sparks that are triggered by his fingertips. 

     She lets him treat her, not fighting him for dominance like she usually does. Tonight he takes care of her, glueing the broken pieces back together. Curses won’t be falling from their lips, the sex will not be rough and fast paced. After the horror she endured, he wants to be tender. She needs to be reminded that it’s not just darkness and misery. She needs to be reminded that she can always come home to him.

     Dean slowly turns her around, facing her now, the water coming down gathering in a puddle when he presses his lower body against her. His lips don’t linger on hers long and he begins his descent, leaving a trail of goosebumps on her collarbone, then her breasts. 

     He gets on his knees, the pads of his fingers pressing into her hips. For a second he looks up to make sure she’s okay, and when he finds her looking down on him in anticipation, want swimming in her dark pupils, he presses a kiss below her belly button. Without rushing, he traces her inner thighs with his thumbs, holding her still as he laps at her vulva breezily, but then goes deeper, delving in his tongue. 

     She steadies herself with one hand against the slippery wall and the other on his strong shoulder, her jaw lowered and eyes shut. A pleading sigh escapes her when he parts from her heat for a second, but then he lifts her leg over his shoulder, granting him a better angle. Droplets pour down on them, rolling down her stomach, adding to her juices on Dean’s lips. He now attends her sweet spot, flicking, drawing figures, drinking her in. She grips him tighter, her soft moans filling the moist air. Her legs begin to give out and she buckles forward, her abdomen spasming now that he’s picking up the pace. Dean holds her up, though, giving her the support she needs. 

     In no rush, Dean slows down, parting her lips and giving her a minute to recover, before he intensifies the motions again. This time he brings her closer to the edge, knowing her body well enough to recognize the signs. Her calling his name, first a whisper, but a little louder with each time. Her pulling him even closer with the leg hanging over his shoulder, her heel digging in his back as she tenses up. Her breath hitching, not from crying, but from the sheer pleasure he’s offering her. 

     She begins to tremble, her grip on his shoulder so tight that he can feel her fingernails leaving crescent shapes in his skin. Then she comes, a last grunt pushed from her throat. He listens to her respiration, how she struggles to control it while he works her through her orgasm, but then he lets her leg slide off his shoulder. He gazes up at the woman who has his heart, making sure she has found her footing before he rises up. Dizzy, she opens her hazy eyes, dwelling in ecstacy. The drizzle leaves tiny drops on her face, spread across her flushed cheeks. 

     “You alright?” he checks, his voice soft.      She nods and buries her face in the nape of his neck, still catching her breath. He sighs and folds his arms around her, letting her lean against him as he presses a kiss on her soaked hair. Being able to hold her after everything that happened is a blessing, one that Dean is grateful for. He closes his eyes, breathing in the scent of her shampoo, the warm rain still coming down on them. This is it, this moment, right here. This is the moment neither of them thought they were ever going to experience again. Emotion hits him suddenly and he hugs her a little tighter.

     “I wanna stay here forever,” she whispers.      Dean swallows thickly. “Me too.”

     As she stands there, sheltered by his body, she realises something: He isn’t just the reason she’s still alive, he is the reason she wants to be alive. Maybe that's why he was the only one on her mind when her life was on the line. Maybe that’s why she feels healed, like she was touched by an angel, even though her injuries are still evident. 

     She lifts her chin, taking in the handsome man that is her partner. He tucks his head down, a small smile forming before he kisses her softly. Maybe that’s why, when his lips leave hers for a short moment, she whispers ‘I love you’, out loud, for the very first time.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to reblog my work or buy me coffee (Link in bio at the top of the page).

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